#harassment is literally in the title. why did you start watching it in the first place?

[forcebookish]

it's funny to me how many bl/gl fans will watch a series where one of them is a tsundere bully and get righteously angry about it like it's a bug not a feature

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: All Hallows' Eve (2013)

All Hallows' Eve (2013)

Not rated

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/09/review-all-hallows-eve-2013.html>

Score: 3 out of 5

All Hallows' Eve is less a singular film than it is a collection of three horror shorts tied together after the fact by a wraparound, two of which writer/director Damien Leone had previously made separately in 2008 and 2011 and one of which he made for this movie. Watching it today, after Leone has gone on to far greater success with the Terrifier films that he spun off from this, I found it to be a rough and uneven film but one where you could still tell that this guy had some serious talent. The segments range from acceptable if clichéd to simply dull and forgettable, but the framing device elevates them, the special effects are horrifying and especially well done for a low-budget indie production, and the recurring villain Art the Clown is a fuckin' frightening little bastard whose use throughout the film lent it an eerie feeling. Overall, it's only a film I'd recommend if you're a fan of the Terrifier series or looking to get into it (as I am), but if you're either of those things, and can stomach some seriously mean-spirited shit, definitely check it out.

The film starts with a babysitter named Sarah taking care of two kids, Timmy and Tia, on Halloween night after they come home from trick-or-treating, where Timmy discovers an unmarked VHS tape in his bag of candy. Timmy and Tia both want to see what's on it, and despite Sarah's protests, she gives in and throws it on, the contents of the tape being the three horror shorts at the center of this film -- which turn out to be far more real than Sarah ever anticipated. It's a simple but effective framing device that does a good job explaining how three mostly unrelated short films were gathered into one movie, and I slowly found myself getting more and more unnerved as it went on. The film's first segment began life as a 2008 short film titled The 9th Circle, and revolves around a woman at a train station who is kidnapped by Art the Clown and taken to be sacrificed by a Satanic cult that inhabits the tunnels beneath the station. It's a simple cult story barring Art's presence in it at the beginning, but it's an effective one, keeping its real monster in the shadows until the end and serving up plenty of claustrophobic scares capped off by some gnarly special effects. The third segment, meanwhile, is the original 2011 Terrifier short film that became the basis for the whole series, and it is a beast. Leone breaks out every low-budget indie filmmaker trick in the book as he makes Art into an unrelenting, inescapable, and darkly humorous and twisted figure who's not only killing people but enjoying every bit of it. He may be a silent slasher, but Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees he ain't; Mike Giannelli's performance leaves him brimming with a sadistic personality conveyed through his facial expressions, his mannerisms, and the props he brings out as he torments the people he's trying to kill, while some of the shit he pulls (especially to the protagonist of the third segment) takes the icky, misogynistic undertones that have long been read into the slasher genre and makes them an explicit part of his character, all the better to make me hate his ass more. And when the film wrapped up and the horror came for the babysitter Sarah who thought she was just watching a movie, it managed to get under my skin. There's a reason why Art's the one on the poster and why he became the breakout character.

So why, then, did the second segment, the one that Leone made to bring this movie up to feature length, have to be such hot garbage? It tried to stand on its own two feet as a segment without Art, with a story about a woman being harassed and abducted by alien visitors in her home, only to shoehorn in a reference to him that had nothing to do with the rest of the segment at the literal last minute. The acting isn't necessarily great at any point in this movie, but it felt especially hokey here, with this being largely a one-woman show in which the leading lady was hideously overacting throughout. The alien's look was a cool take on the classic "Grey alien" concept, but it was unfortunately undermined by its goofy movements, particularly how it constantly waved its arms to its side as it walked. It felt like I was watching a completely different, far lesser film from the one around it. Sarah even comments on how bad it is, and while that does admittedly improve the wraparound, it doesn't change the fact that, much like Sarah, I had to spend about fifteen minutes watching it.

The Bottom Line

It's an uneven film, but it's also a short one that never overstayed its welcome and ended on a good, dark note. There's really no "safe" introduction to the Terrifier series given the kind of vile character and grisly subject matter it's built around, but this is as good as any.

[emetoniche]

I mean, geez, I was super young when it started for me. Like, really really young. Tw for trauma, sexual harassment, emeto, and my crazy rambling stories under the cut.

Basically, I think I was about five when I started watching those roller coaster vomiting videos on YouTube. I was obsessed with them; I even had favorites that I had memorized the exact title of so I could go back and watch them whenever I wanted. Or, rather, whenever I had access to a device with internet. Even back then at five or six I knew that this would probably not go over well with my parents, so I would always use incognito mode or delete my history after watching the stuff. It got to the point where seven-eight year old me would steal my mom’s phone/tablet/computer to watch this stuff.

Back then I thought I did it because I found it funny. Like, you know, “ha ha that idiot just puked all over himself what a dummy” kind of stuff. Anytime I would play doctor with someone I would discreetly try to get them to pretend to puke. When I played with my stuffed animals or my toys I would pretend to make them puke then comfort them about it. (We’re gonna ignore the fact that I was ‘married��� to a stuffed animal until I was about 16. I had no friends, okay? My parents moved way too much and I was homeschooled. But yeah, it was usually just that one stuffed animal puking.)

As a side note, I’ve been boy crazy since literally preschool. I had a crush on this little boy named Antonio in my preschool class cuz he brought live lobsters for show-and-tell and I thought that was, like, the coolest thing ever. It was like if I didn’t have a crush on somebody, I felt like I was missing something, some driving force. I was so desperate to be loved and cared for unconditionally that it started to get really unhealthy and I was using online methods. All of a sudden I was being taken advantage of, guys video calling me to jerk off while I just messed around with myself. (I’m like sixteen at this point.) Eventually I recognized what was happening and literally destroyed the tablet I was using. (Smashed against the wall till it snapped in half.) But this whole paragraph was just a side note to the whole comfort part of my emetophilia and why it’s so important to me. Back to the emetic stuff now.

Anyway, at about twelve I started looking up more detailed queries on YouTube. Instead of “vomiting on roller coaster,” I was looking up “hot guys puking,” “cute teen boys throwing up,” “hot teen guys vomiting in toilet,” etc. It got to the point where I realized that this probably wasn’t normal, by a long shot, but I was twelve. I had no idea what a kink even was. It wasn’t till sixteen that it finally clicked in my head that I thought puking was hot. Only with specific people in specific ways, but yeah. It was crazy hot. For me, the puking has to be done by a male, and one that I find attractive, and it has to be natural. No shame for people who like purposeful vomiting and vomiting during sex and stuff, but I’m just into the natural, actually sick stuff.

At first I thought it was just me. I was terrified because I didn’t realize that emetophilia was a thing. I just kept thinking that I was some sort of freak for having a puke kink. Until, that is, one day I searched for hot guys puking on straight up Google instead of YouTube. I was so fucking happy to find all of this crazy shit all over the place. Ao3 and tumblr and stuff just opened a whole new world for me. I didn’t make this tumblr account until after I turned 18, but I was reading the sickfics way before that.

Anyway, still have yet to find my man, still have yet to fulfill my dream of comforting a weak little sickie boy of my own, but imma get there. I hope anyway…

How long have you known you're into Emeto (question for the whole community)?

Warning: pretty much a whole life story under the cut. NONE OF THIS IS CLASSED AS BEING SEXUALISED! everything that happened was out of interest up until last year and by "last year" I mean December, I was already 18 by that point, if youre turned on by the other stuff that's on you please DNI

Because I know I've known since I was really young, like when I was little my friends and I would play with dolls ad a character would always get sick because I found it fascinating. It started to become part of all the games we played and I got worried people would find out that I thought it was cool, it was like a guilty pleasure. Around age 12, my friend wanted to get out of a field trip and asked if I knew any ways to get sick, I'd never tried any but I applied logic and told them they should Chug water until it bounces (it worked, I witnessed it, probably the strangest thing I've ever seen). It was age 13 I started getting into prank channels and fake puke, I'd act like I was vomiting and I'd watch other people on the Internet because it was fun, then I noticed I was way too invested in it, like I'd get mad if it wasn't realistic enough. It was probably when I was 15 when I started looking up why I was so obsessed with vomiting because I could barely sleep thinking about how strange I was, that's when I found all these posts online about "emetophilia". I denied it being a kink for months before I just gave in. It was at 16 when I really started experimenting, gagging myself, etc. I found out my friend had a whump thing and so we both experimented with stuffing until that got weird. I know it's gonna sound weird that we were doing that sort of stuff so young but we didn't sexualise it. Last year I got into a relationship with someone with the same kink as me, we used to gag each other and one time it led to them getting sick all down themself (it was all liquid so I didn't freak out) and since then it's sort of just spiralled for me.

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 50 Transcript: You Play D&D?

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello! My name is Grey. 

C: And my name is Crystal. 

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast, where I, someone who has seen this show several times…

C: And I, someone who only knows the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian. 

G: Both Asian! For today's episode we'll be discussing Season 3 Episode 6: “Red Sky at the Morning,” written by Laurence Andries, directed by Cliff Bole. Both of these people we're seeing for the first time. 

C: And the only time.

G: The only time for both of them?

C: Yeah, which is interesting. 

G: Fascinating. 

C: I don't know why that is, like, I'd say that this is not the worst episode in any way. [G laughs] So.

G: Yeah. 

C: Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, Laurence Andries worked on How To Get Away With Murder, he sort of seems like hot shit, so maybe they just couldn't afford him again.

G: Ohh, yeah, perhaps so. Onto greater things, that guy.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. So what's our pre-discussion thoughts?

C: Like, I mean, not a fan of misogyny, but love to see a Bela. [G laughs] So that’s basically it.

G: I can't help but think about that post that's like, “For this week's episode, Dean will be talking to someone who will embody his childhood trauma, blah blah blah!"

C: Uh-huh.

G: "Meanwhile, Sam is going to go talk to the MILFs.” 

C: [laughing] Yeah, this is true.

C: Sam will be talking to MILFs. 

G: He literally talked to that MILF.

C: Yeah. Well, I guess she was a MIDLF? A mother he did not like to fuck?

G: Yeah, and it was quite upsetting to see him be harassed so much during the episode, so.

C: Yeah, it wasn't very funny. 

G: Yeah, the episode treats it like it's funny, and Dean treats it like it's funny, but like, I don't know, it's just, it's baaaad to watch.

C: Yeah, like, maybe you shouldn't grab people's asses when they're not comfortable with it. Revolutionary thought. [G laughs]

G: Poor Sam. But, yeah. So before going into this episode, what did you know about it?

C: Honestly, nothing, like from the title? I think this episode and “Bad Day at Black Rock” both just have really long titles that have nothing at all to do with the actual episode. Like, I definitely, like, as soon as I watched it I definitely recognized scenes, mostly the Dean coming down the stairs, looking like shit in his tuxedo, you know. [G laughs]

G: In his ill-fitting suit.

C: Yeah, which, you know, I really appreciate that they were like, “Ooh, ladies, look at this!” meanwhile he has never looked worse in his life. [G laughs]

G: He looks like a stumpy little guy. [C laughs] Like he looks so short.

C: He does!

G: And I support a short king. But like, the fact that we're supposed to go, “Ooooh,” is so funny. [G laughs]

C: Right, like, “Look at this raging piece of red meat and masculinity,” like, whatever, he looks awful.

G: Yeah.

C: But yeah, I didn't really know anything about the episode, besides that the writer is Black because I saw that on a post about how there are no Supernatural writers who are people of color except for like, this one guy this one time.

G: Mm, yeah. I actually remember this episode pretty well. I remember pretty much everything that happens, and also I remember the title, because- I don't even know why. I think I just remember the Bela episodes quite well, because this is also my reaction during our last Bela ep. So yeah. I was very fond of Bela when I was watching Supernatural the first time. So that's no surprise. Yeah.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. So, shall we start the episode? [G laughs]

C: Sure.

G: I hate it here. [C laughs] I already said that, but I’m just reiterating it. I hate it here.

C: Yeah, I think this episode did get one of my “I hate Supernatural so much it's unreal” Discord messages.

G: Exactly. Which happens, I think, once every three episodes?

C: [laughing] Yeah, approximately.

G: Yeah. Oh, also this episode, they mention Castiel.

C: They do!

G: Did you catch that? 

C: Yes, I did catch that, of course I caught that. God. 

G: And I felt happiness bloom in my heart.

C: [laughs] For the first time in years.

G: [laughs] Exactly.

-

G: So we start with this young woman, she's running-

C: In the dead of night. 

G: In the dead of night, middle of the street. She's not even running on the side- what's the pavement, what's that called for you? Side road?

C: Sidewalk?

G: Sidewalk. She's not even running on the sidewalk. She's just running in the middle of the street, which I respect.

C: Yeah, she's wearing like a sports bra that is far more bra-looking than the average sports bra, I'd say.

G: Yeah, I think people just really do wear that, right? Well, not here, but-

C: Not in the dead of the night!

G: Yeah, perhaps! She stops for some water, and she's like, drinking from the water fountain, and she looks up, and she sees a ship! Yeah, it's spooky. It's a spooky ship. You know what I said like a couple of episodes back? I don't know if you remember this, and I don't even know if I actually did say it. [C laughs] But I said something along the lines of, “I want them to do an episode on a haunted ship, but I think it's gonna be way too expensive.” 

C: Oh yeah. Yeah, this is how they did it.

G: She comes home, and she's showering, because of course she is. 

C: Yeah, and like, she's, like, just looking up with her mouth open in a sexy way, just like, glugging all that shower water, as you know, women often do.

G: [laughing] Yeah! The way she was like, wiping her hair down, you know, like, the shower motion that you see in television, except that's the only thing she was doing. And this is a long scene!

C: Yeah! Right, no shampoo! 

G: [laughs] No shampoo, no soap, no anything. [C laughing] No conditioner, no nothing. She's just wiping her hair up and down. 

C: Just down, not even up, 'cause like [overlapping] if it was up, it would get all frizzy and be unattractive. 

G: [laughs] It's so funny because she, like, okay, here's what happened. She's showering, right, and then she hears some noise, so she checks it out, and then she goes back to the shower and continues doing the exact same thing that she was doing from before, and this keeps on going and going for so long that it's impossible to not know this. At some point I was like, "Are they reusing this clip? What's happening?"

And we cut to outside, and we see her like, scream and like, get pushed against the door of the shower, and then, like it ends with her hand sliding down the shower door.

C: Yeah.

G: Which is like, I don't like that.

C: Me neither.

G: Because well, I mean, I think we've said this often in the show, or at least we've said it at some point, but like, the whole concept of "when a woman dies, she has to die in the shower!" [laughs] is so fucking stupid.

C: Yeah. Naked, sexy.

G: She has to die in a bathtub. And the other men who died in this episode don't die like that. It's just her.

C: Right. Yeah, I mean at least one of the men who dies is shirtless. #Equality. [G laughs] But yeah, he's not in the shower, and he didn't have to be all sexy and weird before he died. Yeah, no, as soon as I saw her in that sports bra that's bra-shaped instead of binder-shaped, I was like, “This is not gonna end up well, is it?” and it did not.

G: Yeah.

C: At least we didn't have to see her dead body naked with the spiders around it, like we saw in “Bugs” or whatever.

-

C: So we cut to the Impala, where Sam and Dean are about to have a fight. And Dean's like, "You gonna tell me like, what it is you've been keeping from me?" Sam, like, jokes, "Happy Purim?" which is, you know, more Jewish Winchesters evidence, so good for them. So Dean reveals that he has noticed that there is a bullet missing from the Colt, so Sam has discharged it at some point. And Dean's upset that Sam went after the crossroads demon that he made the deal with, but, like it seems like the main thing that he's worried about is that Sam could have gotten himself killed, which was- it was kind of sweet. I did go “Aww” a little at that. Sam says that he shot her because-

G: I mean, it doesn't feel like the reason why he's mad [laughs], I mean-

C: Maybe it's not the reason.

G: I think he's just like upset because of like, the hiding and stuff, and like, "You could have gotten killed," blah blah blah. And then he immediately goes, "What happened to the demon? You killed her! Now we have no lead."

C: That's true.

G: I think there's a feeling here that Dean, even though he's denying it, still feels-

C: Yeah, hoping.

G: - a little bit like, "Oh, I hope I can get out of this deal."

C: Yeah, definitely. Sam says that he shot her because "She was a smartass."

G: Hell yeah.

C: What's wrong with this man? Why is he using the logic I use in like, my kills in D&D in like, real actual life? [both laugh] God.

G: You play D&D? Is that for real?

C: Yeah, I mean, I guess I use D&D just to mean tabletop roleplaying in general. Like, the current campaign I'm playing with my ex-fiancee and our friends is Masks, so that's not the D&D mechanic. But yeah.

G: ... Alright. [laughs]

C: Oh, oh! You said that to be judgmental. [laughing] I understand now. [both laughing]

G: I said it to be a cunt. [both laughing]

C: Slay.

Yeah, so Dean has a little hope, it seems, because he goes like, "So, does that mean that I'm out of my deal, then?" And Sam's like, "No, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it if that was true." I do want to live in the universe where Sam gets Dean out of the deal and then just doesn't tell him. I think it'd be fun.

Yeah, Sam says that he doesn't know who actually holds the contract, and Dean does this whole like, "It'd be great to figure out who it was. I wonder who our best lead was. Oh, wait. You shot her." Yeah. And then Sam does this whole like, "I'm not sorry for doing it. You're my brother. [G laughing] I'm gonna try to save you, no matter what," blah blah blah. Okay, whatever. Sure.

G: The thing is, they've been at it for six episodes, and nothing has happened so far, and I am beginning to feel like-

C: Maybe they're not gonna to get out of it? Maybe Dean might actually die?

G: No, no, no. I'm beginning to feel like they're running out- they're like, running out of ideas to put in the episodes for brother conflict, and they're like, "Let's just milk this one. Let's just do this one over and over again for 16 episodes [C laughs], and that will be the entire season." And I get the Supernatural does that, and I get like they have to keep doing that because this is a TV show that is like, weekly.

C: Yeah. And some people weren't watching last week's episode.

G: Yeah, exactly. But part of me is like, "Okay, we get it. We get it. I get it."

C: Yeah. I think maybe also this might be them realizing like, "Oh, in season 2, we like, totally dropped the overarching plot until the end. So I think that the solution for season 3 is just to have a case and then have every other moment just be them being like, 'Hey, remember the overarching plot? Let's talk about that.'"

G: So Sam and Dean enter this house, and there's this old lady-

C: We don't get a city for this episode.

G: Oh, yeah, we don't.

C: Which is odd. I feel usually, we get a city.

G: Also, like, I think, you know, it's near a port. Is that a port? What is it?

C: Yeah.

G: So like, it's gonna be reasonable that they're like, "Oh, it's near a body of water," so it'll be easy to have a city. Or maybe that makes it more difficult. I'm not sure.

But so they enter this house, and there's an old lady, and she's like, “Why are you guys here? I already talked to the other detectives?” And they're like, "No, no no no."

C: She's so chipper for someone whose niece just died.

G: It's her niece?

C: Yeah.

G: I thought it was her granddaughter.

C: No, it's her niece.

G: That's actually wild. Like-

C: Yeah.

G: Why is she so happy? [laughs]

C: I don't know. I think the implication is that Bela/Alex has been like, doing seances where she's been talking to her niece, so she doesn't feel that she's like lost her entirely, maybe?

G: Yeah, yeah yeah. [laughs] The way they said that was so funny, which we'll get into later.

C: Yeah. [laughs]

G: So she's talking about who these guys are like, "Who are you guys?" And they're like, "Oh, we're with the sheriff's office. We're different detectives. So like, just talk to us. Like, what happened?" And she says, like, "She drowned in the shower." So that's a clue for us, that the way she died was drowning. But like, how did she drown in the shower? And Sam starts asking about behavior during the days before the accident, and then- and the lady goes, "Oh! Are you guys working with Alex?" And Dean latches onto this and is like, "Oh, yeah, sure. We're working with Alex. Alex and us: coworkers!" Like, he's hammering this home.

C: "We're super, super tight. My brother is gonna have a sex dream about her in future episodes!" [G laughs]

G: Noo! Yeah. And she says like, "I thought the case was closed. What's the deal?" And Sam and Dean says, "Oh, it's not actually closed, and we're still investigating it." And she mentions that Sheila saw like, the ship. And this starts a thing in the episode where she's like, really flirting it up with Sam. And by "flirting it up," I mean, like sexual harassment-

C: [overlapping] - sexually harassing him.

G: Yeah. Like, here it's like, "Oh, don't call me Mrs. Case. It's just Miss Case." Which is like, that's fine.

C: Yeah, that's fine.

G: It's forward, but it's fine. And then she starts caressing his fingers, which is weird.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: And then that's it for this scene, and we'll get more later.

C: Mm-hm.

G: I feel so bad for Sam.

C: Yeah, it's very sad. He's not having a good time this episode.

Oh, also, Alex- Specifically, Gert says that Alex thinks that it's a ghost ship, so-

G: Yeah.

C: So that's a hint that this Alex might be a hunter, but obviously, it's Bela, because yay, Bela!

-

C: Right, so Sam and Dean are outside, and so Dean's teasing Sam a bit about the Miss Case thing. I think in this scene, it's not entirely clear how Sam feels about her. Because, like, Dean's like, "Oh, haha! Like, you're saying she's not crazy because you're sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound." And Sam seems alright with the teasing. He's like, "Bite me," and Dean's like, "Okay, not if she bites you first," and like, they seem to be laughing it off. But I guess it's just because she doesn't really seem like a threat to Sam quite yet. The finger caressing is not as bad as later things. So yeah, they wonder if Alex might be a hunter. And then Sam does a bit of a lore dump, where apparently, the ship is sighted every 37 years, and then a bunch of people drown on land, and they all see the ship out in the bay. Sam says that his next step is to figure out what boat it is, but there are apparently over 150 boats matching that description that got wrecked off this coast, so yeah. Not doing well. Also, sometime, during this, Dean uses the phrase, "you pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye," which I actually thought was kind of fun. [G laughs]

But they go to where the Impala was parked, and it is not there, and Dean starts freaking.

G: He's hyperventilating. [laughs]

C: He goes like, "Where's my car?? Somebody stole my car!!" He- yeah, no, he's bent over. He is hyperventilating. He's not doing well. It is a fairly humorous scene, but also like, if your house was your home, and also all you had left of your father who died, I understand why he is doing this. But it is very, very funny. Especially because, like, when he's being really angry, he's like, gesticulating a lot and sort of the tails of his suit coat are like, [G laughs] flapping around with his arm motions, so he just looks like a silly little penguin man.

G: Yeah. And he looks so short this episode.

C: He does. This entire episode.

Sam's like, going over and telling Dean to calm down. But like, he's being quite supportive about it, just like, patting him, going like, "Take it easy." So he's not really making fun of him, which, you know, I guess is rights for neurodivergent Winchesters and helping each other cope.

So we hear someone coming up, and it's Bela! It's Bela!

G: Whoo!

C: She looks so good this episode, you guys. She's wearing like, this leather jacket, but it's like, brown, but then like not like, regular leather jacket brown. It looks really good on her. You know, her earrings match her necklace, her eyes are shining, she is beautiful and radiant, and we love to see her.

So yeah, she's all like, "Oh, sorry, was that car yours? I had it towed." So real. So real. And both of them are like, very upset to see her here. And Sam realizes that Bela is Alex, and Bela reveals that what she's been doing is just like, basically scamming old women. [laughs]

G: [laughing] Yeah, but the way she said it-

C: Yes, is great. She says that she sells them charms and performs seances so that they can commune with their dead cats. And Dean says, “Oh, and it's like all a con, and none of it is real,” and she goes, “The comfort I provide them is very real.”

G: She's so real. She's so iconic.

C: She is so iconic. Like, I support women's rights, but, moreover, I support women’s wrongs, etc. God bless. Yeah.

Also, like, of the things that she could be doing with her skillset, like the fact that she's bothered- well, she- at least from- I think she's lying here. But the fact that in this universe, where she's telling the truth, she's bothering to, instead of like, selling things for millions of dollars, she's just going to old women and being like, "And Mr. Tuna says that he's having a great time in cat heaven!" [G laughs] is so fun to me.

G: I think she's telling the truth, because, like Miss Case doesn't- like, she actually believes her, and she says that Bela has brought her great comfort, and Bela- Like, at the end, they're like, obviously like, friends in a way. Like, they know each other. So I think she's telling the truth here that, like, she does scam these old women.

C: That's true, but I feel like that's like, her side quest, 'cause she's mostly here for the Hand of Glory.

G: Yeah. I'd like to believe that she does this for multiple old women.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

So Sam, at this very small crime, like, honestly, not even a big deal, goes, "How do you sleep at night?" Girl? I don't get it.

G: The thing is like, every single psychic in this universe, aside from like, Missouri, is the exact same way.

C: Yeah.

G: I think her crime is knowing that it's true, and yet not doing anything.

C: Right, like she could possibly actually commune with their dead cat, but she isn't bothering?

G: Yeah, perhaps? [C laughs]

C: Right. She does have her ouija board that she used to talk to the spirits who'd been killed by the rabbit's foot, so yeah, she could totally actually talk to these women's dead cats; she just isn't bothering to. So yeah, Bela has her iconic line of "On silk sheets, rolling naked in money." And she's surprised that Sam is judgmental because she only expected this from Dean. But Sam goes like, "You shot me!" [G laughs] And Bela goes like, "I barely grazed you!" She's so real.

G: I laughed out loud when he said, like, "You shot me!" because I didn't expect them to like, call back to the last episode she was in.

C: Yeah!

G: Like, you know, Supernatural episodes are so disjointed that any callback is like, takes me aback.

C: Mm-hm.

G: This was fun.

C: Yeah, yeah. I also wonder if there are more callbacks in this one because it's a guest writer. I feel like if you're a guest writer, you're like, "Oh, I have to do a good job, and I have to like, watch all the episodes and do my research." Meanwhile, if you're like Robert Singer, [G laughs] you're just like, "What the fuck ever." [laughs]

G: Maybe.

C: Yeah.

So they question her about the ghost ship thing, and she's just like, "Well, I'm mad at you for telling Gert that the case is still open, because now she wants actual answers instead of just paying me. So just stay away from me. Plus, like, your car- like, something bad is gonna happen if they find the one million guns you have in the trunk, so you should go get that." And she says, "ciao" to say goodbye, and she walks away. She is iconic, she is the moment, etc.

G: She's so fun.

C: And Dean goes, "Can I shoot her?" and Sam goes, "Not in public."

G: The thing is like-

C: Have they joked about killing real human people before, like ever in the show?

G: I don't think so. They're so mean to Bela! Like, maybe I'm biased because I like her [C laughs], but also like, maybe not. Have we considered that?

C: Maybe I'm bisexual because I like her? [both laugh]

G: Exactly. But like, they're so mean to her, and it upset me.

C: Right.

G: Even towards the end of the episode, she's like, "Yeah, I stole it." They were like, "This is the worst thing that you could ever done."

C: I know!

G: And it's like, calm down!

C: Calm down! There's like, murderers out there.

G: Yeah.

C: The disdain for her is definitely, completely disproportional from any like, metric of how bad of a person she is, or how dirty she's done any of them.

G: Yeah. And also like, how they react to previous people who are in this vein.

C: Yeah. Right.

G: Anyway.

C: Yeah, but I wonder- I feel like she's also being set up as a clear foil for Dean, so like, maybe this is like their shoddy attempt to just show conflict between a foil and Dean, and like, make it like about like, self-hatred. Because there's a lot of like, pointed lines about like-

G: Yeah, "We're the same."

C: "Takes one to know one," and like, "We have the same damage." Maybe they're trying to say like, they just hate on her so bad because she's like, Waluigi Dean.

G: Just like me for real, yeah. [laughing] "Waluigi Dean"! If anyone is Waluigi-

C: No, Dean is Waluigi.

G: Yeah, Dean is Waluigi.

C: Yeah.

-

G: So Sam and Dean arrive at this crime scene where Bela is like, posing as a reporter and trying to interview this one guy.

C: Uh, yeah, so we see his brother be killed like, right before this scene where he's near his bathtub, and then, like, someone comes out of the bathtub and drowns him.

G: Oh yeah! Somebody does come out of the bathtub. That was funny. [both laughing] I was watching-

C: A man just died, Grey! ...It was pretty funny.

G: [laughing] It was pretty funny. But yeah, Bela is interviewing, posing as a reporter, and she's like, [British accent] "I'm so sorry for your loss." [C laughs] You know how she is?

C: Yeah.

G: Sam and Dean come up and are like, "Hem-hem. I think you should leave the guy alone, Ms. Reporter. The guy's been through enough!" [C laughs] You know, they're being so mean, and they're shooting like, looks at each other. But Bela does concede, and she walks away, and Dean goes, "They're just like roaches, aren't they?" [both laugh] And Bela looks menacingly at him. And then Sam starts asking about the ship, and the guy starts describing the ship like, with full intensity.

Okay, you've seen the ship, right?

C: Yeah,

G: How would you describe the ship?

C: It was a boat [G laughs], but it had sails, so I guess it was a ship. That's how I would describe it.

G: It was a ship, and it had sails, and they're big. Potentially masts. Is that the term? I would say it had big masts.

C: Yeah, yeah, I think those are what the big wood sticks that hold up the sails are called.

G: Yeah, and it's a big ship. And that's all I would say. But this guy is like, "Here's some details. Old Yankee Clippers, smuggling vessel, rakish topsail, a barkentine rigging. Angel figurehead on the bow." And Sam was like, "That's way too much detail for a ship that your brother saw," and he's like, "Well, I saw it, too." And even then, I was like- [both laughing]

C: That's too much detail for a ship that you saw.

G: Exactly. I wish they were like, "I'm a bit of a boathead, you know. I love the ships."

C: Are you also currently trying to figure out how to make a joke about a ship with an angel on it that leads to the punchline "Destiel"? [G laughs] 'Cause I'm not coming up with the right sentence, but I would like to do that.

G: Well, the the fact that we kept on saying "ship" over and over again, it did cross my mind. But alas.

C: Alas.

G: You know, we're not professional podcasters.

C: That's true.

G: We're not doing advertisements. We don't- we're not funny enough.

C: But also, if anyone wants to sponsor us, like, hit us up. [laughs]

G: If somebody decides to sponsor us big-time, I will write down jokes before we record [both laughing] the podcast. I promise. I will be extra funny. And my chair will not be creaking all the time like it does.

C: Yeah. I won't yell at my roommate Evan in the background- [G laughing]

G: And I will cut it off when it happens, instead of leaving it in the recording. [both laughing]

So yeah. I mean, Sam and Dean are like, "Ooh, you saw the ship too? Alright. We'll keep in touch." And then it cuts to them loading up guns in the middle of the day, in the middle of the road-

C: Yup. Like, right next to where the cops were just then-

G: It's so funny because-!

C: -after them, because Bela was talking to them, points- talking about them and pointing at them and going like, "I don't think those are real FBI agents."

G: Yeah! What's the deal? What are they doing? But yeah, they're- And Bela starts saying like, "Oh-"

C: Yeah, she just shows up behind them, like, over their shoulders. It's a great shot. I like that she keeps showing up to bother them. Like, they're like the funny little stray cats that she found in her neighborhood, and she's coming over to take photos of them for Instagram and disrupt their mice hunting.

G: [laughs] Yeah. And she asks what they're still doing, and Sam and Dean are like, "The guy saw the ship. We have to save him." And Bela is of the opinion that it's not useful or worth it to try to save the guy because he's cannon fodder. He's dead anyway, so what's the point? And Sam and Dean are like, "You're such a heartless, soulless bitch." [C laughing] And she's-

C: Yeah, "I have a loaded gun right now. Why are you talking to us? We're gonna murder you literally in broad daylight for being slightly unsympathetic for two seconds."

G: Yeah. And Bela's like, "Well, it's better to just focus on figuring out what the boat is, and like, getting to the bottom of the situation, to the root of it."

C: And she's right.

G: Yeah, she's right, and the episode degrees that he's right because- spoiler! The guy dies.

C: [overlapping] - the guy dies anyway, yeah. But they never say Bela was right.

G: Yeah.

C: But she was.

G: Yeah, anyway, Dean was like- It's weird to me, because what she's saying makes sense, right? But Dean is so mad. Dean is so mad.

C: He's so mad! Is he just upset that she wasn't like, "It makes more sense to focus on the big picture. However, I will cry every day at the thought of this guy dying"? Like, is it just the fact that she doesn't feel bad that this guy is gonna die? Is that what he's so upset about? 'Cause like, I don't think that matters.

G: Yeah.

Anyway, before they go, Dean goes like, “How did you get like this? Did Daddy give you not enough hugs or something?" And Bela goes, "I don't know. Your dad give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am."

C: Right, so Bela's background that we learn later is that her parents were- were they sexually abusive as well as like, physically and emotionally?

G: This is the one thing about Bela that I don't remember. Like, I remember the scene where they reveal it, but I don't remember the details because I think I was like, "Oh, this sucks! I'm not gonna think about this anymore." So I don't actually know. I don't remember.

C: Right. But yeah, like, I feel like in any situation where her parents were abusive, that is not a good line to-

G: Yeah, but it's intentional.

C: Yeah, it was on purpose, but yeah, especially if her father was sexually abusive, that would be rough.

G: Yeah, anyway, Bela continues on, and she says like, "You do this job for vengeance and obsession, and you're stone throw's away from being a serial killer."

C: So real.

G: She says, "I, on the other hand, have a job." Well [laughs], good for her. And also, "I do my job, and I get paid for it, and that's it. So I'm faring much healthier than you guys are."

C: Yeah.

G: And Sam is like, [snippily] "Why don't you just leave? We've got work to do." [C laughing] In that exact voice.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: And she says, "We'll, you're O for 2." And [laughing] it took me so long to understand what the fuck she was saying.

C: Yeah?

G: She was like, "Yeah, you're 0 for 2, so bang-up job so far." She's super fun.

C: She's so good.

G: This entire episode, she's super fun, and love her.

-

C: Sam and Dean they're parked outside this guy whose brother died's house. This guy's name is Peter, I guess, but I did not notice that the whole episode. So Sam's researching their backgrounds. Both brothers don't really have a criminal record. Six years ago, their dad died and they inherited $112 million. And yeah, Sam's wondering what the connection between them and Sheila is, and why the ghost went after them. And Peter notices that they are parked outside, and he is like, "Why are you guys here? Why are you watching me?" He says, "You guys aren't cops! Not dressed like that. Not in that crappy car." [laughs] So real. And Dean's like, "Whoa. No need to get nasty!" Yeah. So Sam says that, "Oh, we're just undercover! We think you're in danger! Let's just talk about it." And Peter is like, "No, get away from me," and he gets into his car and starts driving away. I guess we're supposed to realize later that he was acting- like, we're supposed to go, "Oh, he was acting weird because he thought that like people were after him for killing his dad," right? But I think that this is a normal reaction.

G: No, I don't think so. I think it's normal.

C: Okay, just the normal reaction, okay. So yeah, he he gets like five feet in the car, and then it breaks down, and- Sam and Dean, they're not that far away from him, right? Like-

G: Yeah. It took them so long-

C: It took him so long for them to run towards his car, which was like-

G: Have we considered that it's their fault that this guy's dead? [laughs]

C: Yeah, it's literally their fault that this guy's dead because they r- they like, slow-jogged over to the car, and by the time they got to the car, this ghost, who looks like a stereotypical pirate, I think, has choke-drowned him to death inside his car.

G: Yeah.

C: Woof

G: Whoops! Yeah, the effect is pretty good. The guys like, vomiting out the water.

C: Yeah, it does look pretty neat. I think the special effects this episode in general were quite good.

G: Eh, it's a hit or miss. I think the practical effects were good.

C: Yeah, yeah, that's true.

G: The other effects were like, a bit hit or miss.

C: Yeah. Though I mean, I honestly thought that the effects when at the end, when the ghost disappears, was like- I mean it was a lot better than most ghost disappearing effects, at least. [G laughs]

G: But you know how it is with ghosts disappearing. They're always bad.

C: Yeah.

G: My favorite one is still the one where she gets like, sucked up to Hell, and it looks exactly like the Castiel Empty one. I think that was like the first episode of the show, right?

C: Yeah, it was the Woman in White.

G: It was so funny. That was so funny.

C: It was.

G: Yeah.

-

G: The next scene, we have Sam and Dean like, in the car again. And Sam is moping, and Dean is like, "Okay, I'm gonna say it. You can't save everyone." And Sam is like, "Okay. Does that make you feel better, now that you said it?" And Dean is like, "No." And Sam goes, "Yeah, me, too. It just feels like I can't save anybody anymore." [laughing] It was something like that, and it's so corny!

C: It is very, very corny.

G: It's so corny!

C: I think some of it is like, Jared Padalecki's acting choices. 'Cause like, for the next three scenes or so, like, he's trying to show Sam being shaken up by this man's death-

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: But like, he does that by just sort of having him look like, constipated but angry about it? [G laughs] Right, like, I think the makeup team sort of put some dark shadows under his eyes to like really bring home that he's upset, but like, he looks silly. He looks silly.

G: Yeah. So we are at this house that they're squatting in. And as they're sitting, Bela knocks, and she comes in, and she's like, "Wow, you guys are squatting for real? Charming." This is her only crime.

C: Yeah.

G: And she asks like, "What happened with the guy you were watching last night?" and they're like, completely quiet, and she goes, "That well, huh?" And Dean is like, very mad. Like, "If you say I told you so, I'll start swinging!" And Bela goes like, "Well, let's just have a heart-to-heart," and Dean goes, "If you even have a heart!" He's really going hard. [laughs]

C: Yeah, what's going on?

G: It's so funny because saying it consecutively the way we are really makes you realize like, how much they're doubling down on like, "Everything Bela says, I'm gonna rebut with  a snarky comment about how eeevil she is [C laughing], because she's an evil, evil woman."

C: Oh, god bless.

G: And basically, she says, "I've identified the ship, and it's the Espirito Santo." I love that. And there was a time when a sailor was accused of treason, and he was tried in a kangaroo court and hanged. I have a question.

C: Yeah?

G: What does kangaroo court mean?

C: This is a great question, and I'm gonna redirect that question to duckduckgo.com.

G: Like, I know what it means, but like, why it means? [laughs] You know what I mean?

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: Like, why is it called kangaroo court?

C: Why called- yeah, maybe it has something to do with Australia.

G: Ohh.

C: Let's see. Oh, hm. Yeah, okay, I don't know. People just seem to say that they don't know, except it's probably just about how like the court is sort of slapdash, so it's like an animal in the wild, and also, another theory is that kangaroos are quick and unpredictable. Yeah, I don't.

G: I'm going with the Australia thing. I think that's more fun.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. And he was 37 when he died, which kind of explains the 37 year gaps between the deaths. Which is like, they've never done this before in Supernatural. Like, "He was 50 years old, so every 50 years, someone dies." [C laughs] Like, it's never like that, right? This is the very first one. So I thought it was fun that they- it was like funny. It was funny that they were like, "In this episode, it's gonna be 37 years because he's 37 years old!" [C laughs]

C: Yup.

G: And yeah, they like, showed pictures, and Sam recognizes that this was the guy who they saw the other day with the guy who died, and he was missing a hand. And the reason for that is the sailor's body was cremated. Which is fascinating, because they- don't they just toss that shit in the ocean?

C: Yeah, I thought they tossed them in the ocean. But I guess it'd be too hard for them to find the body from the ocean and burn it.

G: Yeah, you're right. That would stump the audience, so they didn't do it.

But before they did that, they cut off his hand first to make a Hand of Glory. [laughs]

C: Oh, oh. This is when I sent "I hate Supernatural so much it's unreal" in the Discord.

G: Why?

C: When Dean- at Dean's line?

G: Oh, okay. He says, "A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those in the end of my Thai massage last week." [C sighs] Yeah. I mean, I completely forgot about that line. [laughs]

C: That's good. You probably live a better life than I do because you forgot about that line.

G: [laughs] Yeah. I will say-

C: Do we even have to unpack that? I don't even know if we have to unpack it.

G: Yeah, it's whatever. Yeah. I mean, it just is what it is. And by "is what it is," I mean it's a horrible thing. But like, okay. I think we talked about this in that- like a couple of episodes back, so.

C: Yeah, just go relisten to our "Tall Tales" episode. [G laughing] We will never talk about the topic of- the title of our show ever again because we already talked about it that one time.

G: [laughing] You have to have listened to every single episode of this show to understand every single episode of the show.

C: Yeah, that was a really important part of BABPod canon, and you should be ashamed if you haven't listened to that part. [G laughs]

G: Anyway, Sam reprimands Dean, and he's like, [broody voice] "Dean, this is a very serious occult object. It's very powerful." [C laughs]

C: We're being so mean to Sam in this episode! [G laughs] His line about how he can't save anybody wasn't like, the worst thing ever! [G laughs] I did like that like, that he says it by cutting Dean off mid-sentence which doesn't happen often in Supernatural because in TV shows, people say their full sentences, and then they respond to the full sentences. Like, that was a good move! But yeah, no, Sam is not getting too many points for this episode. [G laughing] Dean is getting negative points this episode, though, so like honestly, we should clown on Dean more.

G: Yeah. And anyway, the hand counts as remains, so they need to find it and burn it. And Bela knows where it is. It's in Sea Pines Museum. It's a macabre bit of maritime history. And she says-

C: Yeah. I'm surprised that Sam wouldn't have figured this out already if it was like, in a local museum. You'd think that'd be one of the first places you hit up for research.

G: Anyway, Bela says, "I need help," and Sam goes, "What kind of help?" And, dun-dun-dun!

-

C: We cut to the house, but later that night, and Bela is waiting downstairs, and she looks very good. She's wearing the like, black dress that every single-

G: I know.

C: - slightly evil or slightly hot woman on Supernatural wears, but like-

G: Like, Sarah wore this. Sarah wore this.

C: Yeah, Sarah wore this, I think like, half of the crossroads demons wore this. Tessa wore something quite similar. But Bela looks really good. Plus, she has like, a necklace that has just a lot of gems on it, and I like the shape of it. It looks very good with her collar line.

So Bela's yelling upwards to Dean, like, "Why are you taking so long?" Dean says, "I'm so not okay with this." And Bela says, "What are you, a woman?" [laughs] Okay, two things Bela has has done wrong this episode, I suppose.

Yeah. I think this is trans on trans violence where she's misgendering Dean on purpose. So yeah, she tells him to come down, and there's- there's like this music that plays when he comes downstairs, and the transcript says that this sounds like the James Bond theme tune, but you know, I've never engaged in that media, so I don't know how accurate that is. And it does like a pan up.

G: [laughing] Yeah, and he looks so bad!

C: And Bela's being like- Bela's like, basically like gagging herself with how much she wants to suck his dick, apparently. But he looks like shit. Like, we've already said this, but he looks so bad. He looks awful.

G: It's so funny. It's such a funny scene.

C: Yeah, I just- Right, like I'm assuming- Like, what do you think was going on? Like, they were like, "Well, I believe that women who are attracted to men are more attracted to them when they are in suits, so we're just gonna say that in a tuxedo, he is so so hot, even though he looks like shit"? Like- he looks like he's going to his high school prom.

G: How different is a tux from a suit?

C: I think there's like, more satin on it, but it's like, not that different. He has a bowtie instead of like, a hanging tie-

G: A tie tie, yeah. He should have worn a cravat. That's my take.

C: Yeah, yeah. Maybe if he'd worn a cravat, he would have been hot. I mean, I don't think he would have, but it would have been better

G: She says, "When this is over, we should really have angry sex." [laughs]

C: Dean's reaction to this is like- It's very long. It's like, ten whole seconds of him being like, "Hm, well- NO! Hm, well- NO!" [laughs] Right, he's just very uncomfortable, but clearly sort of into it, and then he says, "Don't objectify me." God.

Right, so I'm assuming- What is going on here is that the writer's making fun of feminism. Is that what's going on in that sentence? [G laughs] Like, it's a really funny sentence, but I do wonder what the motivation behind it is.

G: I don't think it's like, making fun of feminism.

C: Okay.

G: But I just think it's a funny line.

C: It is a really funny one. It's good. I appreciate it. So yeah, they go to the museum.

-

G: Bela and Dean walk in, and Bela is like, "Okay, you're chewing gum, which you shouldn't be doing. Also, can you just fucking act like you've been here before?" And Dean, you know, is upset at this, takes out his gum, and he sticks it under this thing. How you describe it?

C: It's like a silver bowl- the current transcript says that it's a flowing champagne fountain. It's a fancy event.

G: Yeah. And they're doing the whole- Oh my god, I just realized! I just realized they're doing a fake dating!

C: Yeah, they are!

G: Oh, I'm so happy.

C: Yeah.

G: Good for them!

C: Yeah.

G: Oh, earlier they mentioned that like Sam has a date, and the date is Miss Case.

C: Sam's not doing well.

G: Yeah, like Sam is there, and he's like, he's offered champagne, and he's like, "Remember, we're on business," and she's like, "Business can be pleasure, right?" It's so uncomfortable. I feel so bad for Sam!

C: Yeah.

G: And she's like touching him a lot. She's like sliding his her hand up and down his chest. And later, she grabs his ass.

C: Yeah, like multiple times.

G: Yeah. And when Sam notices them, when Sam notices Dean and Bela, he like, goes over to them and says, like, "How long am I supposed to entertain my date?" Which, like, okay, here's the thing. Why did he need to have a date?

C: I think they needed- well, just because Gert is like, rich, and she actually had invitations to this event.

G: Oh, so it's like he's the plus one.

C: Yeah.

G: But like, from the looks of it, Sam didn't need to be there.

C: Yeah, I mean, maybe she was- maybe she was like, "I'll like-"

G: Noo.

C: "I'll give you the invitations if like, this hot piece of ass goes as my date."

G: I feel bad for him.

C: Yeah, which is highly unfortunate.

G: Dean makes a joke like, "He's playing hard to get. Look at him, he's playing hard to get." And then he says, "I want the details in the morning," which is such an ugly thing to say.

C: Yeah, 'cause Sam says, "You know there are limits to what I'll do," so like, the joke is like, "I'm not gonna sleep with her for the case." Ugh.

G: Yeah. Anyway!

C: But I feel like the whole portrayal of her I think is like, built out of the idea that, like, it's laughable for older women to view themselves as sexual or want sex. Because, like, they're like, "This sexual harassment isn't serious because she's a harmless old woman, and it's just funny for her to think that anyone could be attracted to her."

G: "She has a chance," yeah.

C: Yeah, so right, it's not good, not a fan.

G: Yeah. And anyway, as Dean leaves- this scene is iconic.

C: Yeah.

G: Sam is handed champagne, and he takes it, and they cheers. And instead of sipping on it, like you usually do champagne, he throws it back.

C: Yeah. One swallow.

G: Drinks the whole grass. And I remember this scene only because of, and I mean only- because of the Profound Bond trailer. [both laugh]

C: Nooo!

G: Which is such an important piece of media.

C: I mean, this summer, a man afraid of flying and an angel afraid of falling are gonna fall in love, though. Well, "they're gonna meet in the middle" is the specific line. Ugh. Yeah. Fully understood. It's a good fake fan trailer.

G: Yeah. I mean, I think that was one of the very first fan-related things that I ever watched in my life.

C: Yeah, my first was the clicky AMV. Oh, for Supernatural. But you mean the first any fan thing.

G: Yeah.

C: Wow.

G: 'Cause what happened was like, I didn't have Tumblr, I didn't have Twitter, I didn't have any social media aside from YouTube, so like, I would go on YouTube and look up like, "clips of Castiel" or something [C laughing] and watch them. And then like, at some point-

C: "Videos where Castiel is my boyfriend and loves me so much"-

G: - "ASMR." [both laughing] And eventually, this showed up, the trailer showed up, and I watched it. And I was like, "That's super fun!"

C: Yeah.

G: So yeah, it's my first fan content.

C: Did you ship Destiel like, as soon as Cas showed up? What was your journey there?

G: That's interesting. I don't know. I don't remember well enough. But I think like immediately, I was- I remember feeling vindicated when I realized that many people ship them.

C: Yeah!

G: I do remember that. Because- so like, that implies- the vindication implies that I already shipped them prior.

C: Yeah.

G: And it was like a feeling of like, "Oh, everyone else sees what I'm seeing," but I don't remember. I don't remember well enough.

C: Yeah.

-

C: So we cut to Dean and Bela, and they're like, off to the side trying to figure out how to get upstairs where the Hand of Glory is being kept. The guards look very professional. They are apparently state troopers. And yeah, Bela's like, "What do you suggest for us to get upstairs?" Dean says, "I'm thinking," and she says, "Don't strain yourself." So real. And she says, "Interesting how the legend is so much more than the man." What channels do you think she heard about Sam and Dean through?

G: I don't know. I mean, they seem to be very famous everywhere.

C: Yeah but like, I mean, whenever they're famous, it just seems to be like, "Bobby was bragging about his kids at the bar yesterday." [G laughs]

G: Maybe she goes to hunter bars.

C: Yeah, maybe. So Dean's like, "Well, do you have any ideas?" And Bela goes, "Okay." And then she fake-faints in his arms, and she's so fun for this. She's so fun and right for this.

Yeah, so Dean does his whole fake dating thing where he's like, "Honey, are you all right?" Like waiter, like my wife-

G: It's so funny!

C: It's so good. He's like, "Waiter, come over here. My wife has a severe shellfish allergy. There's no crab in that, is there?" And the waiter says no, and Dean says, "No?" and then he takes one and eats it, and he says, "They're excellent, by the way." So good.

G: He's so funny. Also, like, the concept that this woman faints in the middle of an event, and nobody comes to help? Like, they're all like, "Mm... okay." I respect that.

C: Yeah.

G: Mind your own business. [both laugh]

C: Does Dean have a shellfish allergy?

G: No.

C: Okay, yeah, because I-

G: Oh, the implication being that-

C: He's like, "Oh, my wife has a shellfish allergy, so is there shellfish in that? No? Okay." And then he eats it. Yeah, like I was like- I mean, I think the implication is that he's looking for like, a reason that Bela fainted, and then, when it fails, [laughing] he just eats the food that's in front of him. But I also like the idea that he just literally called the waiter over because he wanted to eat the food and just asked about the allergies.

G: Checks, yeah.

C: So a guard comes over, and Dean's like, "Oh, you know, my wife is a lightweight when it comes to champagne, so, you know, she just randomly fainted in the middle of an event," which is how people react to drinking too much. And then he asks if there's somewhere that he can lay her down so that she can feel better, and the guard takes him upstairs. And Dean- Yeah, Dean picks Bela up and carries her.

G: Yeah.

C: They should have had angry sex.

G: Yeah. Anyway, they end up in a room, and he like-

C: I know. I know.

G: - literally plops Bela down so hard on the couch.

C: And he says the rudest fucking thing.

G: Yeah, he said, "You think he's a pain in the ass now? Try living with her."

C: Imagine you're at an event, and a man's wife faints, and this is what he says over her unconscious body.

G: I mean, to be fair, the guard thinks that she's fucking someone else while this-

C: Oh, yeah, later. Yeah, no. I think the guard is thinking, "Good for her," right? [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Anyway, as the guard gets out, Bela "wakes up," in quotation marks. And Dean says, "Next time, give me a little heads up with your plan," and Bela goes like, "I didn't want you thinking about it. You're not very good at that." I love her!

C: So real, so true. She's so funny.

G: Dean is like standing there glaring at her, and she goes, "Oh, look at you. Trying to think of a witty thing to say." And Dean is like, [both] "Screw you." "And then Bela, you know, says like, "Oh, the thing is in Room 235. It's in a locked glass case wired for alarm. I'm sure that won't be a problem?" Which, like, for a bit I was like, "Oh, they're gonna do a thing where Dean gets caught or something, and like, Bela has to save him or whatever, because it's a wired glass case." But no, he just gets it instantaneously.

C: Yep. He just gets it.

-

C: So we cut to downstairs, where poor Sam is there, and he's dancing with Miss Case, and Sam is not having a good time. That's about it. There's like, no actual point to the scene in any way besides "Isn't sexual harassment funny."

So Dean gets the Hand of Glory out of the case, no problem. And then [G laughs] a guard knocks on the door where Bela is at, and he's like, "Is everything okay?" So like Bela, like she, like sort of like, takes one of her dress straps down so that she can like, pretend that she's like, mid-fuck, and she opens the door-

G: Yeah, and she smudges her lipstick. It's super fun.

C: Yeah, yeah. It's very fun of her. She's like, "Oh my god, yeah, hi. I'm feeling better, but I'm not exactly done with room yet...can we have a few more minutes?" He leaves, and then Bela starts making fake like, giggling sounds that I guess are just like, her version of sex sounds? Apparently she says, "Stop it! That tickles!"

G: Yeah.

C: Who's doing this? Yeah, I mean, I'm glad that she isn't fake moaning because, like, yeah, you wouldn't get back to fake moaning that fast after a guard shows up. [G laughs] So yeah, good for her. She's doing the build up, she's like, simulating the foreplay. And the guard walks around the corner, and he bumps right into Dean! And Dean's like, "Oh, yeah, sorry, I was like in the bathroom. But thanks for looking after my wife!" And the guard goes, "Oh, she's being looked after, alright." [laughs] God. This is so funny. I did like this part a lot.

Dean shows Bela that he got the hand, and she asks to take it because it would fit in her purse better, and Dean's like, "Uh, fuck no," and puts it in his pocket. Bela says she's trying to be helpful. Dean says, like incredibly condescendingly, like, "Well, sweetheart. I don't need your kind of help." What- I mean, I guess, like, I guess by now, probably this whole time he has suspected- Well, okay, see, like, I feel like we all know that she is not here to save people, she's here for this artifact. But Sam and Dean seem genuinely surprised and upset when they're like, [whiny] "And this whole time, you were just manipulating us to get into the event?" So why is he being so rude?

G: Well, I mean, I think it's like he's more angry at the fact she was able to steal than, you know, the actual stealing.

C: Mm. Okay. So you think that he does know that this is just what she's after already?

G: Yeah, yeah yeah.

C: Okay. That tracks.

G: Yeah, anyway, back downstairs, Gert and Sam are still dancing, and she's still doing the thing, groping him, blah blah blah. But she starts talking about the Warren brothers, and like, how they got it coming in the Biblical sense, and Sam's like, "Oh, what's that supposed to mean?" And apparently the father was like- Dad was killed by the boys.

C: Yeah.

G: And Sam asks if Sheila had any connection to them, and she says, "No, none of that." But she had a tragedy in her life, where when she was a teenager, she got into a car accident, and her cousin died in it.

C: Right, this was so unclear. So like, Sheila. Okay, first of all, who intentionally kills their cousin? What has a cousin ever done to warrant killing?

G: No, I think it's like- It's not intentional.

C: Okay, that makes sense. Just, she was driving the car badly.

G: Yeah.

C: Well, if it could have been an accident, then why are Sam and Dean immediately so judgmental of Bela when she says she's seen the ship? Like, that implies that it had to be like, on-purpose murder, right?

G: Yeah. No. I think they're just judgmental.

C: Okay, yeah, they're just mean. Because I was trying to figure out the mechanics of murder via car accident where you're also in the car, and I don't think that's- I think that's way too risky.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

Anyway, Bela and Dean arrive, and Bela starts talking to Gert, and Gert is like, "He wants me." And Bela is like, "Okay, let's take you home now." And Sam and Dean head to the car. Oh, before that, like, Dean tells Sam, "You stink like sex." Which, again, the episode is trying to be funny.

C: Yeah. Sam asks about the hand. He calls Miss Case "Mrs. Havisham," who is a character in Great Expectations who got left at the altar and then wore her wedding dress for the rest of her life. So yeah, I think it's just like, "old woman who thinks she has a chance, but is just obsessed with the idea of getting a man or something." Whatever. Yeah, and Dean's like, "Yeah, I totally got this hand." And he takes the handkerchief that he had the hand wrapped in out of his pocket. He unwraps it, and it's like a ship in a bottle. It is not the hand. And he goes, "I'm gonna kill her."

Meanwhile, in Bela's car she is looking at a box with like, millions of dollars in it, and she flips through the money. She looks great, she is doing so well, and then she looks out in the distance, and she goes, "Oh, no." And the ship is there.

-

G: She goes into Sam and Dean's room, and Dean is talking about like, "I'm not gonna kill her. I think I'm just gonna slow torture her." And [laughs] yeah. They're like, just super upset that Bela, as they said, "got one over us" [C laughs], which Sam corrects as "No no no. She got one over you. She didn't get one over me." [C laughing] And Dean is like, "Oh my fucking god, Sam." And a knock comes, and it's Bela.

C: Yeah.

G: And it's very urgent-

C: Yeah, I do appreciate that in the two episodes that she's in, it's like "cringefail thief is unable to complete her thievery due to the cursed object cursing her." It is fun. I like when women are a little bit pathetic.

G: She explains what happened, which is that she sold the thing, and of course Sam and Dean are mad, and she's like, "The whole reason for the charity ball was, yeah, a cover?" Blah blah blah, and "You guys were convenient." Yeah. And Sam was like, "Just go buy it back then," and Bela says like, it's already halfway across the ocean, we don't have the time. And they're like, "Time for what?" and she reveals that she did saw the ship. And Dean is like [C groans] "Oh, wow. I thought you were just a thieving, immoral person."

C: He says, "immoral, thieving, con artist bitch."

G: Oh my god.

C: Yeah.

G: And then he's like, "Just when I thought that you couldn't get any lower than this?" And Bela is like, "What are you talking about?" And they saw what's happening, which is that people who kill family members are the target of the thing because the guy who was tried for treason and killed, his brother was the captain who tried him and ordered his execution. So yeah, they were brothers! Cain and Abel.

C: Yeah, he literally references Cain and Abel. God bless. I liked-

G: Yeah, and Dean is like, "So who is it, Bela? Who'd you kill? Was it Daddy? Was it your little sister?" He's so annoying.

C: He's so fucking annoying, especially when-

G: I mean, hasn't he learned? Hasn't he learned? Because, like, this also happened that one time he was like, "Why did you sell your fucking soul? Was it to be a selfish cunt to marry your wife?" Blah blah blah.

C: Yeah.

G: "For her to like you?" And then the guys like, "No. She had cancer, and I wanted her to live."

C: Yeah.

G: And Dean was like, "[gasps]." I mean like, haven't you learned from that, Dean, that people are not as evil as you think they are?

C: Dean has never learned anything ever in his entire life.

G: It's so annoying.

C: I did like- 'cause, okay, like, earlier in the episode, when the three of them were working together on the case, Sam's being like, "Well, we need to figure out the ghost's motivation. We need to figure out the ghost's backstory," and Bela was like, "Oh, I know his backstory. It's who fucking cares. Let's just go and get the hand." So I like that it's like, both of them, like, both groups of people on this case fucked up at points. Like, Sam and Dean fucked up by not looking at the bigger picture and being focused on saving that one guy that they couldn't save. Bela fucked up by not like, looking at the backstory of the ghost and just focusing on the profit motive. So like, my point is that they should all- that she should join Team Free Will, and they should all work together all the time and they should stop being mean to her. But, you know, it's not going to happen.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Bela says, "It's none of your business." And she kept saying that nobody understands. Nobody understood back then, nobody understands now. And they try to leave her-

C: To die.

G: And she's like, "You can't just leave me!" And Dean is like, "Oh, I thought we were serial killers." He's so annoying. I'm so sorry. I know this is like quite- I mean, is it a reasonable response?

C: I would find this more reasonable if what he called back to was her saying, "Oh, that one guy is cannon fodder anyway, so you should just focus on getting the hand."

G: Yeah.

C: Like, if they're like, "Okay, well if you think that all these collateral deaths don't matter, then, we'll just leave you and get the hand." But like, I think like, you've had multiple conversations with this woman. Does your fake dating mean nothing to you?

G: Also, it makes his anger at her so personal instead of what he's trying to insist, which is that it's a moral thing.

C: Yeah, exactly.

G: Like, suddenly, it's not a moral thing. It's just that she said something mean to you about you.

C: Yeah. Yeah. I guess like- well, I guess he was more like, "Oh, like I thought you thought that like, hunting and hunters were cringe and fail, so why are you asking for help in the way that we provide help?" But yeah, it's fucking annoying.

G: Mm-hm. Anyway, Sam figures out the way that they can save her life. [spooky voice] Dun-dun-dunnn!

C: Yeah.

G: Wow, this is a variation of our typical dun-dun.

C: It is a variation. Fun.

G: A remix, if you will.

C: Right. Also, like, Bela like, literally apologizes, right? She says like, "That was a bit harsh."

G: Yeah.

C: "But it doesn't warrant a death sentence." And she's just- I like her very much. I don't even think she needed to apologize for that, but she did. And also like, before Sam offers to help, like, she's about to head out. She goes like, "I'll just do what I've always done. I'll deal with it myself." And, I don't know, that coupled with like, "You wouldn't understand. No one understood, even back then" makes me sad because it's like, that implies like she had like friends and stuff when she was like, a child, and she tried to open up to one of them about her parents' abuse and how she killed them, and they were just like, "Ew, get away from me," you know? Ugh. Oh, Bela. You will always be famous, and I'm gonna miss you after this season ends.

-

C: So they're in a graveyard, and Sam's setting some stuff up. There's like a pentagram, and like candles and shit. And Bela's afraid. And like, this sudden rainstorm starts happening so that Bela is wet and pathetic, as all women ought to be sometimes. And Sam starts reading Latin, and the second word that he says is Castiel!!

G: Whoo!

C: It's Cas. It's Cas. He's here. That's my boy. He's literally right here.

God, yeah. So he does this whole incantation. It's raining really hard, there's a lot of wind. And the ghost sailor appears and just throws Dean in the air, and then he starts drowning Bela by putting a hand on her face, and she starts coughing up water. And yeah, the ghost does not go after Sam at all, even though Sam is the one who is doing the incantation that might defeat him.

So what Sam has done is apparently summoned the spirit of the ghost's brother. Are we assuming this incantation- they're in the graveyard, so is he like, raising this brother from his grave?

G: Yeah, I guess so.

C: You can just do that? Like, with anyone?

G: [laughs] I don't fucking know, bro.

C: Like, do they ever do this again?

G: I don't think so.

C: I just- this just seems like a useful thing. Like, you can summon literally anyone from the dead, even if they didn't die as- I mean, maybe the brother is still a ghost, but like sort of like, I feel like we would have seen him around if he was a ghost earlier, too, right? Like, I feel like he wasn't a ghost. So like, he was in Heaven or Hell, and Sam yoinked him out?

G: Yeah,

C: I- if Sam can do this, like-

G: He can do anything.

C: Why do they even bother with the cases? Why doesn't he do the Ace Attorney thing [G laughs] where he just communes with the dead and asks what killed you?

G: Yeah, well, according to Ace Attorney, that doesn't really work too well, so.

C: Fair. Yeah, Sam was like, "I know this neat new trick, and I'm gonna use it." And then he played all of Ace Attorney so that he could be better friends with you, and then he was like [G laughing], "I guess I'm not gonna use this trick anymore."

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. So the brother, he shows up, and he looks like a regular guy, cause like, the original ghost, he has like straggly hair, and he's like wet and rain-soaked and drowned, but this other guy looks like he works in an office and has like a 401k. [G laughs] So he shows up, and the ghost is like, "You killed me!" and the brother's like "I'm so sorry! I'm sowwy! Sowwy about that!"

G: "Sowwy!"

C: "Sowwy!" And then original ghost charges into his brother and sort of like, as soon as he hits him, like the place where he hits him becomes like a water splash, and as he goes through him, they both like, dissolve in water. And I don't know, I thought that was kind of neat because I feel like ghosts usually die by a fire, and it looks silly. And this looked better than the fire, at least. And Bela's okay now. Yay!

G: Yay!

-

G: So we go to- back to the room where Sam and Dean are squatting. And Bela comes in, and she's like, "You guys should lock your door." And then she throws money at them. So a whole wad of cash. Apparently it's-

C: Yeah, $10,000.

G: You think it's for both of them?

C: I think it's $10,000 each.

G: Damn. Yeah, and Dean is like, "Wow." Well, she says first that- Bela says that she's paying them because she doesn't like owing people things, so that about covers it, right? And Dean is like, "Wow! You'd rather pay ten grand than to say thank you. You're so damaged." And Bela goes, "Takes one to know one!" [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: I love them. Anyway, she says "Goodbye, lads," which I love.

C: Mm-hm.

G: And Sam goes, "She got style. You gotta give her that." [laughing]

C: So true!

G: Why do I keep voicing Sam like this? I'm so mean. [C laughs]

And Sam says, like, "We don't know where this money's been, though." And Dean says, "No, but I know where it's going." Then they go to the car. What's Atlantic City mean?

C: It's like somewhere- is it in New Jersey?

G: I think it's like, I think it's in the South, right?

C: I think it's East Coast Las Vegas or something, or maybe South- it's in New Jersey. Atlanta is in Georgia, and that is in the South, not Atlantic City. Okay, so it's a resort city in New Jersey. So I think it's-

G: Are you sure?

C: Atlantic City? Yeah, I'm sure. So there's a lot of casinos there.

G: I think I'm thinking of Atlanta?

C: Yeah, you're thinking of Atlanta.

G: Yeah, anyway, they're gonna go to a casino. And Dean goes, "Actually, I just want to tell you that I understand why you're doing the thing with the crossroads. I understand why you went after her. If the situation was reversed, I would have done the same thing."

C: He literally did do the same thing. That's what got them in this situation.

G: Yeah. And he says, "I see what you're going through with this whole deal. Me going away and all that. But you're gonna be okay." And Sam is like, "Oh, you think so?" Like, rather, you know, out of life. And Dean is like, "Yeah! You'll be fine. You'll hunt, you'll, you know, you'll live your life. You're stronger than me." And then he goes like, "You'll get over it. But I want you to know that I'm sorry for putting you through all of this shit."

C: Yeah. Which is his like, first actual apology for this, right?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam is like, "Go fuck yourself. This is such a terrible-ass apology. And besides, I don't want an apology from you, and I can take care of myself." The point he's making is like, "I know I'm gonna be fine. That's not the point. The point is like, you keep on worrying about me, and that's what led us here in the first place."

C: Yeah.

G: And he says, like, "I don't want you to worry about me. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying." And that's pretty much the end of the episode. They have like, a little banter where Dean is like, "I'll just play their craps or something. I'll just play like, Russian roulette." No, like, he says, "I'll just go to the casino" or something.

C: Yeah, well he says, "I'll play craps," which is a casino game, which I think is his response to Sam saying, "Give a crap that you're dying." Dean's like, "I don't give a crap that I'm dying, but I'll play the game of craps." I don't think it counts as banter if Sam is like, glaring straight ahead the entire time. [both laughs

G: That's just what banter with me is like. Haven't you heard?

C: "Oh, so you play D&D?" [both laughing]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's the end of the episode. I did like this last scene.

G: I liked pretty much- I liked a lot of the episode.

C: Yeah. I also liked a lot of the episode. There were moments that I did not like at all, but yeah, overall, I think Bela is such a good character, she adds so much to their dynamic, by being- Can you imagine how fucking boring this episode would be if it was just Sam and Dean?

G: Oh, it would be unbearable.

C: And it's just like, "Oh, there's a ship, and there's a ghost guy on the ship." Like, who give a single shit?

G: [laughs] Yeah. What's your best line?

C: Oh, shit. Um... I mean, I like a lot of the ending scene, I guess.

G: I would say I like the line about like, "Your daddy gave you enough hugs?" and Bela replies, "What, your daddy didn't?" I think that's like, you know, it's foreshadowing. Also, it's like, you know, that kind of banter shows you that Bela does see through Dean, and like, she can see what he's like, and that kind of acknowledgment of like, knowing who you're talking to from- I know it's not gonna lead to anywhere, but it provides this feeling of "they understand each other." And that's fun!

C: It is fun. Yeah. I guess I'll just go with the like, "I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying" thing. Because-

G: Yeah.

C: I feel like this scene's the first time either of them are like, fully voicing a lot of the tensions that-

G: What they're feeling, yeah.

C: Yeah, have been going on throughout season three, and, I don't know. It's a good time.

G: My worst line is the Thai massage line.

C: Yeah, that is also my worst line. I did have to pause the episode for a few minutes.

Misogyny... there was misogyny. Racism, there was one moment of racism. I'd say...

G: I think, let's do one point for racism.

C: Yeah, I think misogyny, maybe 2?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, like Gert's whole thing, not a fan.

G: Yeah, Gert's whole characterization, and also, they're just extra mean to Bela, I feel.

C: They're so mean to Bela.

G: Like, if this was a guy, I feel like there would be like a little more like, "Oh, we respect him for what he is." You know what I mean? Like, maybe I'm wrong, but that's the vibe.

C: Yeah, I like that is probably the vibe. But yeah, I don't know. What are- are there a lot of evil men that we've met?

G: Gordon.

C: That's true, that's true. I mean, they are worse to Gordon than they are to Bela. At least they don't tie Bela up and leave her in her own piss for like, a week. But I do think- I think a white man would probably be treated a lot better than Bela is.

G: Okay, IMDb rating. What's our rating for this ep?

C: Huh! Like, I like it, but I know that Bela was controversial, like her presence in the show was controversial way back then. So it's hard to know how it's gonna shake out, so I'm gonna just go with like a 8.5?

G: You know what? I'm gonna go a bit higher than you.

C: Okay.

G: I'll say 8.7.

C: Alright.

G: Okay, let's check.

Holy shit!

C: What?

G: 8.0.

C: Oh, no! Really? They hate Bela that much?

G: Devastating.

C: It's not a bad episode! Like, there are moments, but like, overall, I had a fun time. I know we opened this episode being very, very negative about this episode, but now I'm very upset. Ugh, okay, let's see what people are saying-

G: Wait lang.

C: Yeah?

G: Apparently, Eric Kripke apologized for this episode in “Monster at the End of this Book,” because it's bad.

C: Wait, why? What did he say about it?

G: I don't know! [C sighs] This one can't stand Bela.

C: Ugh, boo.

Sorry, this first review said "the worthless but sexy Bela Talbot." [G laughs] Sorry, what? And they also call her "the despicable Bela." What? Who are you? Who talks like this?

G: This one says, "I can't stand her. Her character annoys me like hell, so much so I have almost a problem watching the scenes she's in. I like Jo, because, although she's a bit of a stereotype, the actress was able to fill that character with some sort of life. Bela doesn't seem like a real person, rather like some kind of force. She's the perfect example for the current problem on the show, a total lack of heart."

C: Okay? I- I mean, maybe we are attributing more depth to her than she has been shown so far in season 3-

G: Yeah, because we know her.

C: - because we know about her backstory and about the demon deal.

G: But this is a retrospective show.

C: Yeah. And the hints for these things like, have been dropped throughout. Like, "We're all going to Hell, so like, just have fun with the ride," and like her- clearly, like, they're setting something up with the death of her family member, so like, I don't think she completely lacks heart. And I think it's clear that she's putting on an act when she's acting like not a real person because we see her at more vulnerable places in this episode, so I don't get it!

G: Yeah.

C: At least this person said that "Just watched it and was taken with Bela. She will add much to the series." So true, you're right.

G: You're so real.

C: I respect no one but you.

G: Okay, so that's it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next week, we will be discussing Season 3 Episode 7: “Fresh Blood.” [laughs]

C: Oh, no, do we have to? [G laughing] What if we didn't?

G: Leave us a rating or- Well, Sera Gamble is at it again. Leave us a rating or review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: Follow us on social media. We are on Twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD, and thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod.

G: You can leave us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at

bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[guitar music]

-

G: Okay, what I'm going to say is- like, the first part of this sentence made me laugh, like the "Hand of Glory" part because, I'm going to cut this out-

C: Okay.

G: I've been reading DGS fanfiction, and as you know, DGS is set in the Meiji era/Victorian era, and apparently, during that time, it's a common time to "bring someone to their glory" [C laughs], which means to make someone come, which I think is so fun, and I'll start using that.

C: It is. So real.

G: We better start bringing that back.

C: Yeah, I agree. No, I think that's still a thing. People call- like, I think- Never mind, I read that in Sherlock Holmes Arthur Conan Doyle fanfiction, let's move on with our lives. [both laughing]

G: [laughing] What is it? What is it? What is it?

What is it?

C: What?

G: What is it?

C: Oh, I think "afternoon glory" and "morning glory" were phrases they used to refer to morning sex and afternoon sex.

G: Yeah, I think that's just how it is during that time period.

C: Yeah.

G: When was ACD Sh- ACD Holmes written? I keep saying "Sholmes" because I'm so used to Ace Attorney.

C: Yeah, huh. Let me check when The Scarlet- or, wait, sorry.

G: Study in Scarlet.

C: Yeah, Study in Scarlet was published.

G: Oh my god!

C: What?

G: I need you to play DGS! [both laugh] I need someone to play DGS!

C: It was published in 1887.

G: Ah, okay, got it. So yeah, that's- it's set around that time.

Anyway...

C: Anyway...

[beep]

G: [laughing] What are- I'm so sorry. My iPad notified me about a Tweet of mine that someone liked, and the Tweet reads, "I need a bisexual man {Shi-Long Lang) in my life (pussy)." [C scream-laughing] What's going on?! [both scream]

C: You should keep that in. [both laughing] God.

G: I'm gonna put it at the end of the episode.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Ultimatum”

Welcome back, everyone! We had an unexpected break last week due to the horror going on in Texas. I'm glad we did. Not because of any salty "RWBY is bad right now yay free Saturday" feelings, but because keeping to a schedule for a fictional webseries should never take precedence over peoples' safety. I can't believe I need to type that sentence out, but it's true! Over the last seven days I've seen fans who are not merely disappointed by the mini hiatus (understandable) but outright hostile towards the crew because they... were ensuring everyone survived during an unprecedented emergency? Yeah. Given the highly critical nature of these recaps — including today's! — I want to be clear that my thoughts towards Rooster Teeth's creative choices are distinct from any thoughts about the crew itself, including the most basic forms of compassion like, “I sure hope everyone is okay over there.” In an age where it has become horrifically common to harass creators and even send them death threats over stories, it has likewise become necessary to remind people: Don't do that shit. Never do that shit. If I can teach anyone anything at all, let it be that!

Anyway, dark fandom reminders out of the way, let's dive straight into our delayed episode. It was certainly a doozy. Titled "Ultimatum," we open on a trigger warning for flashing lights. Good on Rooster Teeth for including that, though I do wonder if creators shouldn't be including time stamps as well? Or perhaps a note that you can find those time stamps in the credits, avoiding any (minor) spoilers for everyone else? I'm not photosensitive myself, so I certainly don't mean to speak for that group, but my first thought was, "So how would I watch this episode if I was? Hand on the pause button, hoping I stop fast enough as soon as the lights start?" Hard to do given the surprise nature of the scene. Really, my answer would be, "Wait for the fandom to post warnings of their own, likely including where it happens so I know when to skip" which is perhaps an indication that this information that should be included from the get-go.

But I am glad the warning exists, regardless. The episode itself begins with a shot of Ironwood looking down at the kingdom. He's used his windows as a vantage point since Volume 7, so that's nothing new, but something about this particular shot reminded me of Ozpin, looking down from his tower. I'm sure the response from many would be simply, "Ah yes, the two power hungry dictators watching over their victims," but I think there's a much more nuanced reading here about leaders being expected to fix the literally unfixable and what that responsibility does to an individual. Of course, it's a nuance that is absolutely obliterated by the episode’s end, but the implication existed for a hot second!

Two other soldiers are in the room with Ironwood, reporting that Cinder has helped Watts escape. They try to soften this with news that they still have Jacques in custody, but receive only a, "I don't give a damn about Jacques Schnee." Which, fair. He's pretty useless at this point. It's when Ironwood learns that both Qrow and Robin escaped too that he really gets mad, something his subordinates have been expecting given their scared expressions.

Now, I'm treading lightly here because I realize how this is going to sound given the end of our episode, but I still want to note that outside of that ending... this is a weird take? Just hear me out. Since Volume 7 the show has worked very hard to make Ironwood seem scary and unstable — bad setup for what we end with today — but the problem is that none of it works in context and it certainly doesn't work when compared to other characters' actions. They are literally in the midst of an unwinnable battle and thousands of his people are dying. If the audience wants a human being — who also just lost a limb and was betrayed by half his allies — o remain perfectly poised and polite during that, sorry, but that's not how human beings work. But even beyond this, what’s the message here? Ironwood raises his voice, so does Yang. Ironwood hits his desk, Qrow hits a child. If we're going to examine how Ironwood handles his stress and anger, he often handles it better than many of our heroes. Namely, by continually taking that anger out on inanimate objects. I kept waiting for him to attack his subordinates or attack Winter this episode, especially given where we end up, but it never came. Ironwood always has enough control to break the desk or punch the wall, not the person in front of him. Which, of course, would not be a good thing in the real world. I want to be clear given these sensitive subjects that if someone is breaking things in your presence that's a major problem to address. But this isn't the real world. This is a fantasy world in the middle of a war, populated by other characters who express their anger by punching people, slamming them into walls, or screaming at them until they run away. The story wants us to fear Ironwood long before he makes his objectively horrific choices and it tries to achieve that by showing us characters who are clearly terrified in his presence, by giving us a string of broken objects in his wake. But those details don't land well when we compare them to other instances of stress. In the same volume I have watched Ironwood take a deep breath to calm himself down when things have gone horribly wrong. I've also watched Weiss start a conversation by threatening her defenseless brother. So again, what’s the message here? It can’t be that acting violently towards someone = villainous behavior because, as established since Volume 6, that’s common for the heroes. Why are these subordinates terrified about Ironwood slamming his fist on a table, but Whitley has no problem hugging the woman who threatened him? Obviously there is a HUGE difference between our main group and Ironwood when it comes to other actions (cough-bomb threats-cough), but these day-to-day moments don't match up. The show wants to use violence as a way for us to easily identify the Bad Guy while ignoring all the times when our heroes do the same thing. 

All of which isn't meant to be a defense of Ironwood. As we'll see in a bit, there is no defense for what he's done. Rather, it's a way of acknowledging just how badly he's been written. Why does a man who consistently reins in his anger and takes it out on objects suddenly shoot a councilman for literally no reason? Why does a man defined by wanting to save as many people as he can suddenly threaten to bomb his city? Ironwood's characterization is all over the place, in the sense that they keep writing him as the morally gray, sometimes harsh, but ultimately compassionate man he started out as... up until they need a villain. Salem isn't here yet, so Ironwood can shoot Oscar. Salem isn't attacking yet, so Ironwood can shoot the councilman. Salem is currently reforming, so Ironwood can threaten YJR and Mantle. He's the B-plot villain whenever Salem is out of commission, which is a problem for both their characterizations. This filler doesn't make sense for Ironwood and it severely undermines the threat of Salem. You finally introduce the Magical Big Bad and our heroes are facing more of a threat from a guy with a broken army and three loyal allies left? Hmmm.

The tl;dr is that Ironwood's arc is a disaster and, frankly, it's gotten old reading simplified takes of, "It's just a realistic look at what white U.S. men will do in power sweetie :) " RWBY does not have the context capable of conveying that sort of critical take because our world is not besieged by literal monsters and an immortal witch, to say nothing of how real life good guys do not get deus ex machina canes that fix the problem instantaneously. Ironwood is not an example of anti-U.S. imperialism, he's an example of writers who don't know how to write.

Anyway, I'm getting severely off topic. Obviously Ironwood is a major part of this episode, but the problems demonstrated here are two years in the making. This is the culmination of things I've been discussing for months across hundreds of posts... so I should probably stop trying to summarize it all in a few paragraphs lol. Perhaps when RWBY is over — or Ironwood has died — I'll do a single meta on his character, try to pull everything into one, unified argument.

For now though, we have an episode to analyze.

While Ironwood is receiving this news we get flashbacks to Qrow and Robyn. Qrow attacks a soldier in his bird form, which is hilarious. Someone GIF that please. It does raise some interesting questions about this magic though: does Qrow retain his aura and strength in this form (something I thought given his choice to transform during the explosion), or was that soldier just so shocked at being attacked by a crow that he went down easy? We'll never know, because that would require establishing concrete rules for this world. The point is Qrow is going feral in his freedom, throwing punches left and right — did he kill that guard? — while Robyn watches it all from under a rock. They're apparently still somewhere in the facility since all the exits are guarded, but that's not the good thing Ironwood seems to think it is. After all, Qrow is out to murder him. He wants to be there.

We all see where this is going, right? The show is going to ignore Qrow's crazy belief that Ironwood got Clover killed in favor of a "Qrow saved Mantle by murdering Ironwood"/“Qrow got revenge for Mantle by murdering Ironwood” ending. Who cares why Qrow wanted to kill him in the first place now that Ironwood has his finger on the trigger? If RWBY is good at anything, it's writing moments that encourage you to ignore everything that came before it. We'll be seeing more of that in just a bit.

"Damn it!" Ironwood yells, because the show is leaning into its cursing. He orders that the subordinates not return until "you have Qrow Branwen in custody." Here we have another great example of the show conflating what the audience knows with what other characters know. See, we know Qrow has a vendetta against Ironwood. We know their relationship is the important one to the story and that Robyn is incidental. Ironwood doesn't know that. There's no reason for him, as a character, to specify that they only bring Qrow back, but it makes sense for the audience who has the whole, thematic picture. Our understanding of the situation is influencing Ironwood's dialogue, which is... not great.

This entire scene we've had creepy music to hammer home just how evil Ironwood is. Except, as said, he takes a breath to calm down and the music fades. Instead of flying into a rage, hurting someone, or doing anything the music suggests he might, Ironwood calmly calls in for an update — which is when the explosion hits.

It's MASSIVE, seeming to originate from a lightning strike, which is weird, since it's coming from inside the whale, but whatever. The animation is very dramatic and pretty, as we've come to expect of RWBY, but the actual plot is lackluster at best. It's funny though because I thought for a hot second, when Winter and the Ace Ops were caught in the blast, that RWBY had actually done something exciting. I mean, holy shit! There are the deaths we expect from a battle like this. My god, what is everyone going to do when they realize that Oscar's needless attack took out five characters, including Weiss' sister —

No wait, never mind. They're fine.

Let's talk about that "needless" descriptor for a moment though. Do you all remember, two weeks ago, when I went, "Hey, why isn't anyone telling Oscar that that Ace Ops are approaching with a bomb? They're on a time limit! If someone would just mention that Very Important Information then Oscar wouldn't keep standing around to fight Salem." See, at the time I was frustrated because of how the plot was needlessly allowing Oscar to put himself in danger (especially when the whole point of this mission was to rescue him). Now, I'm frustrated because that same plot needlessly wasted the most powerful weapon the group had. There was no reason for Oscar to use literal lifetimes worth of stored energy when the heroes already had a bomb to do the same job! What was the point of that? I guess he took out the other grimm too, but without the whale that still would have been a challenge with a finite end, one Ironwood's army and the remaining huntsmen should have been able to handle. It doesn't feel justified to have Oscar use a weapon kept on the bench for lifetimes when there was another option literally minutes away.

There's so much wrong with this I need another list. So:

Ozpin's cane supposedly stores kinetic energy, which may contradict what we've seen from it before. Regardless, we’ve never heard about this. The all powerful weapon comes out of nowhere

It also begs the question of why Ozpin wouldn't use that power at Beacon and why he wouldn't insist that they try to get their cane back while captured. You had an out this whole time! But we’re going to ignore that because Oscar is a little hesitant? 

Which makes YJR's presence even more useless than it originally was, which was already pretty useless. Oscar essentially rescued himself

This kinetic energy miraculously doesn't hurt any people or buildings, just grimm

So what is the point of Silver Eyes? That's been their MO since they were first introduced. Sure, Silver Eyes can be used far more often than Ozpin's cane, but it still feels like a let down to learn that the Big Secret behind this weapon is... the exact same thing Ruby has been doing for years

Like Ruby, Oscar likewise didn't need any practice or training. He just set off this massive attack perfectly and without issue

We have now eliminated the biggest threat to the cast instantaneously — the whale and the other grimm — with no effort from the rest of the heroes. Like the Hound, the stakes are obliterated with no satisfying work on the part of our protagonists 

Instead, as said, the actual plan already in place never happened. The bomb just... goes back. Kind of like how Cinder attacked and then just went back to Salem. Penny woke up and then just got knocked out again. We continue to go in circles 

This is because no one took two seconds to tell Oscar, "There's a bomb on the way"

Because this threat is gone the show needs a new one, hence Ironwood randomly threatening Mantle with said bomb

The one way we might have justified Oscar blowing up the whale instead of Winter is if he did it to save Hazel, but Hazel is implied to be dead

Maybe he's alive, but if he's not that happened off screen and we're not sure how. It couldn't have been because of the blast itself — everyone else is fine — so what, Salem somehow killed him before she was blasted to bits? While he was holding her? 

And there's no body?

Salem was torn apart multiple times during that fight and reformed instantaneously, yet now, conveniently, she's taking her time

None of the characters mention the issues above. None of them admit that there was no reason for Oscar to waste LIFETIMES worth of power when they already had a solution in the works. Fantastic

I need to take a moment to acknowledge that so far this recap feels... bad. Disjointed. Bit all over the place. Which makes a certain amount of sense because that's where my thoughts are at. There's so much going on in this episode — so much wrong with it — that I don't know how to boil it all down into a few, neat claims. This episode is a mess! We're barely a few minutes in and the combined issues of Ironwood's characterization and Oscar's choice have left me reeling. So if you're still reading this, bless your patience, I think we'll both need it for the rest of this journey.

Let's snag a neater plot-point to discuss. Amidst all the chaos Neo literally skips away with the Lamp, clearly thrilled at how her own life is going. Later in the episode she'll text Cinder with the obvious: Salem is going to be pretty pissed when she realizes this is gone. “If you want her name you know what you owe me." 

So wait... what is Neo leveraging here? Is she agreeing to give the Lamp back so Cinder doesn't get in trouble with Salem? Give Salem the password she's been looking for? Or give Cinder the password to use the Lamp for herself? What would Cinder even want the Lamp for when she's after the Maiden powers? I'm confused about what Cinder is being blackmailed with. Regardless, she needs the lamp for something and presumably what she "owes" Neo is Ruby. We get a cut to her just to hammer that home.

(Side note: both pictures of Neo are hilarious.) 

Before that though, back at the whale, everyone is taking stock of the situation when Marrow cries, "Hey, they were still in there!" I feel like this is another scene meant to make him look like the one good guy in the group — he cares about YJOR while the others can’t be bothered — but as always, that reading doesn't fit well with the situation as a whole. The others have barely had time to realize they're alive. I don't think it's a moral failing that they didn't instinctually worry about four betrayers, one of whom attacked them, while they're still checking that they have all their limbs intact. Besides, why does Marrow assume they're dead? The Ace Ops were caught in the blast as well, yet miraculously came out unharmed. They clearly didn't set their own bomb off, so it's logical to assume that YJOR did something themselves. It feels weird to have a "Marrow mourns them and Winter is the only other character who cares" moment when everyone is recovering from bomb shock and no one even knows if the others are dead. But, of course, the show is out to portray only two of these characters as good people, so ignore the logic and run with the emotion of the scene.

All of which is bolstered by Elm pulling away when Vine puts a hand on her shoulder. Why is she acting cold towards him now? Because they're not friends, remember?

While we get more ridiculous relationship dynamics, Ironwood calls in and congratulates them on the bomb working, but tells them to get back because they have another problem in the works. That would be Qrow and Robyn. Winter decides to tell him about the bomb in person.

We cut to Watts and Cinder watching the remnants of the blast from a rooftop. Cinder has tried calling, but no one answered. Unsurprising, given that Salem doesn't have any other allies left. Cinder says that the plan hasn't changed, she's still going to take the Winter Maiden's power for herself, and Watts can help her by bringing Penny here. He explains that he doesn't have full control over her. Rather, he implemented a virus that is setting her on a single path: open the vault, then self-destruct. Cinder, as one might expect, is furious.

She snags Watts by her grimm arm and threatens to toss him over the side of the building. Thus begins the best part of the episode, hands down. Despite the danger he's in, Watts throws common sense out the window in favor of dragging Cinder in the most satisfying manner possible. 

“You think you’re entitled to everything just because you suffered, but suffering isn’t enough. You can’t just be strong, you have to be smart. You can’t just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been is a bloody migraine!”

It's true! You know what else is true? This speech could apply to our heroes as well. Accusations of entitlement and reminders to be smart as opposed to just strong hit hard, considering those are the same flaws our protagonists are struggling with. The difference is that Cinder, miraculously, listens, pulling Watts back to safety and going to cry by herself. That moment is simultaneously more growth than Ruby has gotten and more sympathy than Ironwood has gotten. The woman who murdered Pyrrha is treated more kindly by the narrative than one of our initial heroes and our very first villain has taken more time to reconsider her choices than our title character. You know a show is falling apart when excellent choices are applied to the worst possible character.

So Cinder is crying while Watts looks guilty and we cut back to YJOR's group post-blast. Yang is finally able to answer a call from Blake who is obviously overjoyed to see her. Weiss gives them directions to the mansion and they ask what in the world they'll do with Emerald, currently on her knees, mourning Hazel.

Thus begins the third most frustrating part of this episode. See, on the way back the group continues the conversation about what to do with Emerald, with Yang and Jaune distrusting her vs. Ren and Oscar encouraging cooperation. I can't believe I'm saying this after's Ren's speech and Oscar's entire existence... but I'm team Jaune and Yang here. Look, what Oscar and Ren say — the literal words coming out of their mouth — is nonsense. Ren goes, “We can’t let all of our actions stem from fear," as if Yang and Jaune are being ridiculous for mistrusting Emerald, one of the established villains, after years worth of harm from her. It’s weird that Yang points to her arm as something Emerald is responsible for, rather than being framed or the deaths at Beacon, but the general sentiment of, “She’s done horrible things!” is true. Ren’s perspective is the same simplification that was applied to Ironwood last volume, wherein everyone acted as if he was crazy for fearing an attack on his kingdom... post an attack on another kingdom and pre an attack on his kingdom. Putting generic lines in Ren's mouth about not being afraid makes him sound willfully ignorant, as if choosing to believe that someone is good will magically make them so, to say nothing of thinking it will erase all the harm they've already done.

Oscar at least acknowledges the difficulty here, but then follows this up with, “You don’t have to forgive her… just give her a second chance."

Oscar, honey, that amounts to the same thing in this situation. Allowing Emerald a second chance means working with her, which means trust, which means emotionally reaching a point where these characters can put aside the harm she's done them in an effort to give her that chance in the first place. This actually ties into a post I saw last night, one I've come across before, that claims redemption arcs don't require any suffering on the part of the person who has done wrong. I agree in theory, that prolonged suffering doesn't help anyone, but the problem is that people tend to conflate suffering with consequences and someone who has done this level of harm should face consequences for their actions. The problem with redemption arcs is not that the bad people suffer too much —  emotionally and physically beating on them as a form of revenge  — but that the people they've harmed are put into situations like this one. If Yang and Jaune let Emerald go like she suggests, they are agreeing that she doesn't have to face any consequences for the damage she's done (which, keep in mind, involves multiple deaths, not including all the lost lives here in Atlas). If they agree to give her a second chance, they are forced to jump straight to some level of forgiveness. We might claim they don't have to forgive Emerald to work with her, but from a practical perspective how are they meant to function, especially during a warzone? Anything she provides them with — information, watching their back in a fight, undertaking missions, etc.  — requires trusting her enough to allow those things to happen: working with that info, letting her protect them, allowing her that responsibility. It's all about trust, trust she has yet to earn. In order for a redemption arc to be successful, the power has to be in the hands of the victims. They need to be able to see some justice for what was done to them, be offered some proof that the person in question has truly changed, and have the ability to walk away if they decide no, I don't forgive you, glad to hear you've improved, but please stay out of my life. Jaune and Yang have none of that. There are currently no systems in place for Emerald to face consequences for her choices, she has offered them no proof of her remorse or true motivations, and the other half of the group is pressuring them to give her that second chance without closure or reassurance. None of that makes for a good redemption arc and reducing that to, "So you want to see poor Emerald suffer, huh?" ignores the suffering she has already caused. The group are her victims and they are under no obligation to give her a second chance, particularly under these circumstances, which makes the story's choice to have Ren and Oscar act like Yang and Jaune are being stubborn or inconsiderate a problem. The conversation boils down to, "Give the woman you know to be a liar, manipulator, murder accomplice, and servant of our enemy a second chance based entirely on unfounded faith. If you don't you're letting yourself be ruled by fear."

RWBY's touchy-feely themes really don't sit well within its realistic, morally gray premise. We cannot continually have these characters go through hell one moment and then have others accuse them of being paranoid the next. The fact that all of this is wrapped up in the group trusting Robyn, Emerald, and Hazel over their established allies remains beyond frustrating.

Because yeah, you know how Oscar finishes his speech? “I’ve already gotten a lot of help today from someone I don’t exactly trust right now." Meaning Ozpin.

The story is trying to compare Emerald and Hazel to Ozpin.

"Oh hey, I kept a secret from you after lifetimes of watching that secret lead to betrayal and death. I keep apologizing for my mistakes while ignoring that I had no reason to trust a bunch of kids with such world-shattering information and also that you tore it from me in the most traumatic way possible."

"Oh hey, I willingly joined our world's version of the devil and helped her destroy your school, leading to numerous deaths including your friend and headmaster. It was his death that put Oscar in this position in the first place! I then continued to attack your group, leading to another near death of a friend, and a kidnapping, and the destruction of Amity, until I became scared enough to make a run for it."

Which one of these characters is granted an instant second chance? You'll never guess who!

And I do think the word "instant" is important here because just like Jaune and Yang have the right to have distance and justice from Emerald, they had that right with Ozpin too. The difference is they got it. They had the power in the situation, as evidenced by their use of the Lamp and physically attacking him. Ozpin heard what they needed from him — leave us alone — and did that without complaint. They were given months to come to terms with the secrets he kept. They were offered apologies and acts of service to demonstrate intent: saving them in the airship and continually saving Oscar. I don't believe Ozpin ever needed a redemption arc, but even if we think he did, he had it. After three volumes of material Oscar's perspective is still "I don't exactly trust [him] right now" but Hazel and Emerald have earned at least the same amount of trust in a matter of hours? They're really having my boy look at the guy who has tried desperately to do right by him despite unimaginable circumstances, and the guy who tortured him to get information for Salem, and went, "That first guy. He's the one we need to watch out for."

To make things even worse, Oscar tells the others that Ozpin took on all the torture so he wouldn't have to. So he did that and they still don't trust him? If you had told me back in Volume 6 that two years later the group would still be hostile towards Ozpin, while simultaneously urging one another to trust Emerald, I would have said you were lying. RWBY has its problems, but it's not that bad. Yet here we are. I suppose the one silver lining here is that Ren smiles when he realizes Ozpin is back? So at least one of them isn't prepared to draw their weapon at the mere mention of his name.

Both these moments raise more questions though. How in the world did Ozpin take on that torture when we clearly saw Oscar getting pummeled for a good portion of the kidnapping? Is that a weird merge thing the story hasn't bothered to explain? I wouldn't be surprised, considering Oscar said last episode he didn't want to use magic because it hastened the merge, he uses the biggest explosion of magic we've ever seen, and nothing has changed. Ozpin is still in the back of his head, thanking him for the tinniest shreds of decency they get. Ren, meanwhile, seems to be back to mindreading. How in the world does he know that Ozpin is back? I assume it has something to do with his semblance, but we don't know what. They could have shown us Oscar from Ren's perspective, perhaps with two distinct emotions swilling around to imply that he sees two different people now, not a useless shot of Emerald with purple flower petals, whatever purple means.

Oh, but no, we shouldn't have gotten either of these scenes. Remember that Ren's aura broke a very, very short time ago? Is it back already? Can he use this part of his semblance without it? Considering it was near impossible to see Ironwood's aura breaking in the Watts fight and we were then mistakenly told he used his semblance in the office, I'm going to go with, "The writers forgot."

Oscar explains that the cane had "lifetime after lifetime" of power in it and though there's still some left, "we have to be careful with how we use the rest." He says that Ozpin trusted his judgement and of course he did! Ozpin also didn’t know that there was a bomb on the way. Yet funnily enough, no one else mentions that, whoops, your choice made in ignorance was a waste and that's due entirely to us prioritizing hugs over basic mission information.

Also, all these explanations take place in front of Emerald. Half the group doesn't trust her, but they'll freely discuss their powers and limitations here. Remember how the group once wanted to talk about magical relics in front of the old lady they'd just met? Yeah, they've learned nothing.

Combine all this insanity with the fact that Ozpin's magic saved the day before Ironwood's bomb could do the same... while Ruby sat in a mansion drinking tea. Who's our hero again?

So things are a hot mess, to put it lightly. Their conversation finally ends when they hear voices and round the corner to find all the Atlas citizens huddled in the subway. For once the show actually writes them in a sympathetic manner, emphasizing how terrified and helpless they are. This image doesn't lead the group to any revelations though, certainly not anything that would tie back to Ren's earlier speech in the snow. No, once again the justified criticisms here are ignored as we hear that “However this fight ends, we could really use someone like you, [Emerald.]” That's it then. Discussion over. We knew as soon as it started that blindly trusting her was being presented as the "right" thing to do and now here we are, deciding that conclusively, despite Jaune and Yang's complaints. By the time the group reaches the mansion, Oscar is defending Emerald from Ruby. We're supposed to just accept that she's a part of the group now, only minimal pushback allowed.

Before that though we return to Ironwood getting news that their bomb never went off. He briefly wonders who else could have done that, but puts the currently unanswerable question aside for what he does know. They still have the bomb and it could be "useful." See, this moment — like shooting Oscar and the councilman — is when Ironwood just randomly goes off the deep end. One minute he's talking about what they've lost and cradling his new arm, 

the next he's saying that he should have tortured Qrow to get Penny to obey him! Which doesn't even make sense since I'm pretty sure Penny hasn't ever spoken to Qrow. She wouldn't want anyone to suffer, true, but it's not like Ironwood had a close friend like Ruby to use as leverage. Qrow is just Some Guy to her. Regardless, he thinks Yang, Jaune, and Ren are decent replacements, despite Penny also having no relationships with them. This is what happens when your characters only start breaking up their teams eight years into the story, the response to Ironwood wanting to torture Ren to hurt Penny is, “Does Penny know Ren exists?” But, you know, torture is torture, right? Maybe. Probably not. I mean, if they're going to turn Ironwood into a cartoon villain, they could at least keep him smart.

Because all of this is just the height of stupidity. Ironwood wants to torture people Penny barely knows to make her listen (so just grab some civilians? It would do the same job...). Ironwood wants to shoot down empty ships, even though no one, including us, knows where in the world those ships would have gone. Ironwood wants to destroy an entire city to try and save another city. He wants to use a bomb meant for a comparatively small whale and acts like that alone will take out the majority of a kingdom. None of it makes sense! And I know the easy comeback for that is, "Well yeah, Ironwood is crazy and evil" but he's not. I mean he is. Threatening torture and bombings is obviously evil, but he's never been insane, or stupid. As said before, his arc (or lack thereof) is an absolute disaster. The fandom assumes so many things about Ironwood given the opportunity — the whale is a suicide mission. He expects the Ace Ops to die on his order — and the writing hints at so many things that never happen — he's going to hurt his subordinates, attack Winter for disobeying him — and every time what we actually get is a far more compassionate, level-headed character... until he randomly does a 180 and goes, "Let's murder a whole city now!" I never wanted Ironwood to be the bad guy, but they could have at least given me a persuasive decent into this level of horror.

So... yeah. Ironwood has got to die by the end of the volume, yeah? Between Ruby warning the whole world about him and him going into full villain mode, there's no coming back from this.

Neo sends her text to Cinder and the group makes it back to the mansion. Remember Yang's criticisms of Ruby's leadership? The ones she conveniently forgot about when Ren started to agree with her? Yeah, those are entirely gone as the sisters hug it out and, presumably, forgive one another for... daring to admit that things are bad? Look, I'm not going to deny that Ironwood's scene with Winter was creepy as fuck, 

but I'm not of the opinion that the heroes are any better when it comes to the theme of obedience. They've attacked one another, screamed at one another, and any dissent from Ruby's leadership results in the questioner being left behind in the snow. We'll accept you again when you fall back in line. I used to adore the relationships in this show, but watching them now is just discomforting. The show might be 100% more obvious with Ironwood, using creepy music, a smile, and that hand on Winter's shoulder, but the concept of, "Sorry I dared to question you before! We won't ever do it again :)" isn't healthy either. The fact that the show keeps erasing theses problems with hugs — Weiss hugs Whitley now, Yang hugs Ruby, someone will probably hug Emerald soon — doesn't make the circumstances any less uncomfortable.

None of this even gets into the Blake and Yang hug. First of all, why is Blake acting like they had a fight and Yang might not want to see her? She's hiding inside rather than rushing to greet them, ears down in a devastated expression until Yang touches her. Combine this with Yang's "Do you think she's mad at me?" and it feels like the writers cut a fight in the final script and then didn't bother to remove the fallout from that. Seriously, where did any of this come from? You can't just have characters act like they've been fighting when they haven’t.

Also, can't forget this.

At this point there's nothing more I can say in regards to RWBY's almost-queer baiting. Is touching foreheads more intimate than the hugs Yang gave the others? Absolutely. Is that an appropriate stand-in for overt representation? Absolutely not. This would have been a perfect time for them to kiss. Take out Blake's nonsensical fear and replace it with them both reuniting after their first separation since Volume 5, working under the knowledge that either one could have been killed, finally admitting their feelings. Hell, they don't actually have to kiss. Not all girlfriends are interested in kissing! But they could use the terminology that makes things unequivocally canon.  Another forehead touch when we got that in Volume 6? It's not enough, especially not when our straight couples have all been allowed their rep.

Ren at least wants to know where Nora is. He's presumably told what happened off screen as Oscar tells Ruby that Emerald is their friend now.

Then an emergency call from May interrupts the reunion and the group learns that Ironwood is bombing the Schnee ships. “Those ships… they were going to save people” Weiss whispers. How? Tell me how they were going to save anyone. Where were you going to take these people where they would be safer than where they are now? RWBY continually asserts things without explaining them, meaning there is precisely zero emotional weight here. Again, Ironwood is far past the point of defense, but I'd be a whole lot more critical of this particular action if I had a better sense of why it's bad. He appears to be endangering the people given May's shout to run — falling debris? — but the further implication is that Ironwood has doomed the people of Mantle by denying them these ships. It's that part that makes no sense based on what we've been told.

Which finally comes to the ultimatum of our episode title: Penny opens the vault, or Ironwood bombs Mantle. Great! So glad this plan is wicked smart and works well for his characterization. It's definitely not a nonsensical, unfounded, overblown change that feels like it belongs in a child's cartoon, complete with dramatic spotlight. Nope. Excellent writing choices all around.

Our final line of the episode is, “I hope you live up to the title I gave you," referring to Penny's job as the Protector of Mantle, and you know what? That line could have been very cool if it was delivered by an Ironwood with a persuasive fall and a halfway decent plan in place. I love that we've twisted the concept of a protector and turned the title into a horrifying, rather than honorable responsibility... I just hate everything surrounding those details. 

So, usual RWBY fare.

(At least we get to see that Nora is awake!) 

Will things get better over the next four episodes? I doubt it. We're still expecting the rest of the Ace Ops + Winter to ditch Ironwood, someone getting the vault open, the fall of Atlas, now the potential destruction of Mantle, and none of that includes Salem who should reform at any moment. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to any of it. The final leg of a season should make its audience excited to see how everything turns out, not dreading it. I've heard from multiple people that this is the volume that finally got them to drop the show and honestly? I'm not surprised.

As a final (happier?) note: we've finally got a bingo! I completely forgot our board last time, which was a terrible oversight, but we can update it now.

Our army of grimm can't kill anyone now that it got KOed by Oscar (that is the third one hit defeat of a major enemy we've seen this volume. Yes, I'm including the Hound considering it was obviously on its last legs after Ruby's eyes.)

I'm likewise including "Ozpin apologizes for everything including his existence" because he's done nothing but apologize since he came back. The emotion is there even if the literal words are not. Oscar reminded everyone of how untrustworthy he is, but kept the group from jumping them again. And Ozpin thanked him for it.

Neo didn't literally backstab Cinder (shame), but the Relic still counts.

So a triple bingo! Is that how bingo works? Idk, I've never played. I feel like I should have thought up some sort of humorous prize, but sadly I've got nothing. If you think of anything, let me know lol

That’s all then, folks. Until next week! 💜

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 55, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

STORY WARNINGS: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering

First rewritten reworking 06/20/2023

Second rewritten reworking 11/01/2024

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 1313

Peter was in the bathroom, taking a shower before bed while I was already tucked into bed, looking at random videos suggested on my YouTube channel. I scrolled down some and found a video titled PETER STEELE ON THE RICKI LAKE SHOW PLAYGIRL CENTERFOLD. I snuck a glance at the bathroom door, figuring that Peter would be inside for a little bit longer before I tapped the video image.

“We have called in the paramedics for today’s show because our guests say they are going to faint,” the woman introduced the clip with. I watched, utterly amused, as a much younger Peter Steele flirted with a giggling and red face Larissa. My eyebrow ticked when he called her “Sweetheart” and kissed her hand. I almost threw my phone at the wall when they started Frenching dramatically, Peter seems to be totally into it. I half wondered if he took her back to his hotel room with him for a bit of extra fun that night.

 I was lost in thought as my soulmate exited the bathroom, an oversized green towel wrapped around his firm hips as he padded over towards the chest of drawers to grab something to wear to bed.

 “Sweetheart?” I started as he called out to me. “Are you okay?”

 “Do you remember an interview you did for the Ricki Lake Show back in the nineties? The topic covered was your PlayGirl spread,” I muttered, turning off my phone and setting it underneath the pillow that I claimed as my own.

 “Vaguely,” he answered, slipping into sweatpants before taking off his towel and folding it back into a neat square. “I remember that Melissa- the girl who I did the interview with, I think that was her name? Yeah, she was obsessed with my dick and kept hinting that we could continue the interview back at my place.”

 “Did you take her up on her offer?” I drew my knees up and rested my chin on them.

 “Eventually, security had to separate the two of us so that I could go back to my hotel room without any further harassment,” Peter muttered, pulling on an oversized t-shirt and crawling under the covers and pulling me into his arms. “Every now and then, I’ll hear from her- last time was- what, like two, two and a half years ago, I think? She has some screws loose, if you ask me.”

 I hummed as I maneuvered myself so that I was tucked underneath his shirt, cuddled up to the bare skin of his chest. He chuckled, his chest rumbling and making me feel warm.

 “You like this, sweetheart?” he murmured gently, wrapping his arms around me and tracing the shell of my ear with his nose.

 “Hmmm?” I hummed, tucking my face into the apex of his neck and shoulder as I settled for sleep. My hands fisted into the thick forest of hair that was on his chest, and I enjoyed the feeling of the coarse hair on my palms and fingers.

 “Sleeping like this, on my chest, inside my shirt,” he murmured, dragging his fingers through my red curls. “Why do you like it so much?”

 “Feels safe,” I mumbled, my eyelids beginning to droop. “You feel so strong, like you can protect me from anything at all.”

 “Only for you, sweetheart,” he whispered, kissing me softly. “Now, go to sleep- I’ll see you in the morning.”

 ~xoXox~

 I was woken the next morning by my cell phone going off. I whined as Peter’s hand reached under my pillow and grabbed my phone.

 “It’s Frank,” he told me after glancing at the screen. “Want me to answer it?” I nodded, keeping my eyes shut as I struggled to slip back into sleep. “Hello?”

 “Hello, this is Frank Bradley with New York SWAT, can I please speak with Mary Claire Bradley?” asked my brother in a professional tone of voice on the other line.

 “She’s currently asleep-” Peter started to say, kissing my forehead.

 “No, I’m not,” I grouched, opening my eyes. “Watup, Frankie boy?”

 “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Frank’s voice held legit fear and I thought I heard someone laugh in the background.

 “No, my phone playing Baby Shark at full volume woke me up,” I snarked at him in a sarcastic tone of voice, burying my face back into Peter’s neck and taking a deep inhale of campfire smoke, pine trees and pure, raw man.

 “Oh, well I’m just calling to let you know that your apartment has been cleared so you can move back in,” Frank said. “It’s been cleaned, so if you didn’t know what had happened, you wouldn’t know that Marvin tried to shoot up Randy but was killed-”

 “Frank-” I wheezed, suddenly not able to breathe. Peter automatically saw what was going on and he sat up with me still bundled up inside his shirt, and he began to rub my back and murmur soft words into my ear.

 I dug my fingers into Peter’s chest, just giving into all the love that my soulmate was showering upon me. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

 In, two, three four…

 Hold, two three four…

 Out, two three four…

 I pressed my ear up against Peter’s chest, cooing softly as his hand wrapped around my head like a helmet.

 THUD THUMP

 THUD THUMP

 THUD THUMP

 I began to calm down at the sound of his strong heartbeat, and I opened my eyes at feeling something soft bumping me under my chin.

 “Hiya, pretty girl,” I cooed at Mittens, giggling she flicked her tongue out and swiped at my cheek, the sandpapery feeling making me feel better. “Thank you for that, I feel much better now!”

 MEOW Mittens asked me, standing on her hind legs and placing her front paws on my chest to stare into my eyes.

 “Meow?” I playfully echoed back at her, giggling as little girl threw out a hard punch just then, making Peter chuckle and move his hand to my stomach. Mittens hissed loudly before viciously attacking Peter’s hand, claws extended and teeth bared.

 “GAAAAH!” Peter yelped, yanking his hand away from little girl and began cursing savagely.

 “Mittens!” I gasped, gently pushing the cat away and kissing Peter’s battle scarred hand. “Are you alright, my love?”

 The term of endearment just slipped out naturally, as though the words had been coined just for Peter. A smile lit up his face as he carefully maneuvered himself out of his shirt and went into the bathroom to clean his new injuries. I removed myself from the shirt and glared at the now happily purring cat curled up next to me on the bed.

 “Nadeyus', teper' ty dovolen soboy, kot,” I scowled, reaching out to tussle her ears.

  Nadeyus', teper' ty dovolen soboy, kot, I hope you’re happy with yourself now cat, Russian

 TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

 If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

 PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@elianafilthyrose

@ch3rry-c01a​

@rockstarslutt​

@angelxfuckk​

[alirhi]

How I'd have done TFATWS pt 1

Okay, I am such a whore for positive attention that, yes, it literally only takes one person expressing interest to get me to do something lol. So, for the lovely @goblin-tea, here is how The Falcon and the Winter Soldier would have gone for Bucky if I'd been a writer on the show!

Also, shoutout to @gunshou, who popped up showing support when I was in the middle of writing this lol 😘

Episode 1: New World Order

I actually love how most of this episode was handled; it's what drew me into the show in the first place, and gave me such hope for the rest of it. Most of the changes that I'd make here are pretty minor, tbh.

I'd specify the setting in some way for Bucky's nightmare. Obviously, since he was there and knows what happened, when, and where he was, it wouldn't be like the setting changes in movies where they slap a big, bold title card over the scene. Still, I'd probably open with a brief establishing shot showing the city skyline or something; some identifying feature so that viewers can work out where this happened without needing a direct statement from Marvel (note: if you need to directly address your audience to clarify something from within your story, you're a bad storyteller). What year did this take place? I show technology from the time; perhaps a dated cell phone in someone's hand. The point is to establish where and when The Winter Soldier killed RJ Nakajima, without detracting from the emotional impact of the scene. Why does it matter? Because we should know why. Why is Bucky dreaming about this particular incident? Was it his last mission before the events of CA:TWS (a theory I see frequently repeated but with no evidence to back it up)? Was it earlier on? Is RJ only on the forefront of Bucky's mind because of his (unhealthy, but we'll get to that) friendship with Yori? How long has Yori been suffering under the weight of his grief?

I would not have had him crash through the wall, btw. As cool as that shot looked, let's try to remember that The Winter Soldier was a ghost story for 70 years. Ghosts don't leave giant gaping holes in hotel walls. I'm not saying brazen wholesale destruction is out of character for him (obviously not. I've seen CA:TWS lmao. many times. this moment lives rent-free in my brain:

found on google without credit; pls lmk if it's yours so I can credit.

but you don't become a "ghost story" if you always leave that much evidence, ijs)

I'd leave the terrible therapy session alone. That scene was beautiful. Beautifully shot; I loved how claustrophobic it felt, and it really did a wonderful job of showing how Bucky felt on the spot, scrutinized, almost put on display for this bitch woman. This scene establishes Raynor as clearly wrong, and an unprofessional mess, and Bucky calls her out on it. I fucking love that!

lmao gods, I love his painfully awkward forced smile... Guys, this episode is fkn great. (betcha weren't expecting so much praise from me, were you? 😂)

"You're free." "To do what?"

👆👆👆 In my show? That would have more of an impact on Bucky's arc. That question would be one of the underlying issues moving his whole story along. Twice in this show, he's told that he's free, but no one addresses what he's free from, much less what he's free to do next.

It's a minor thing, but when Yori tells Bucky to ask Leah out? I'd have Bucky do more than just shake his head in silent horror. Not much more, just something that matters to me as someone who's worked in the service industry for many, many years and dealt with too many creepos: Bucky would flat-out say "she's at work! that's harassment, Yori!"

Yori can still stomp right past that boundary, and Leah can still smile and agree. I just really want someone to verbally acknowledge that you don't fucking ask someone out when they're at work. Ever. Bucky cringing and apologizing puts the power of the conversation back in Leah's hands; it gives her an out to politely decline if she's not interested, and just laugh off Yori's flirting on Bucky's behalf as a senile old man being silly, so I'm actually fine with how this scene turned out. I just would personally have gone that extra inch there for the idiots in the audience who don't get Bucky's subtle "wtf" reaction and why Yori's suggestion was so bad. If someone's livelihood depends on being nice to you, keep your goddamn distance. Flirting with them or asking them out when they're at that big of a disadvantage and have virtually no power to say "no" is harassment.

Here is where I'd make one more subtle change, too. When Yori sees the mochi and is reminded of his son, and tells Bucky about his death, I'd just slip in a time frame. "x years ago, my son was..." blah. (Guys, it really bothers me not knowing when that scene took place rofl can you tell?)

One complaint I've seen a lot online about this show is how it's a bit murky on just how well known Bucky is in-universe. He can walk around Brooklyn with more or less total anonymity, but he's also recognized as "an Avenger" (when he was never actually technically in the group)... but honestly? I think it's actually pretty realistic. Just because someone's famous doesn't mean every single person on the planet knows who they are and what they look like well enough to instantly recognize them on the street. People look different in photos than in person, and pre-Blip, Bucky had the complete Jesus look - long flowing hair and a full beard. In TFATWS he's a little scruffy, but not this:

Sebastian looks like about 10 different men from one moment to the next just irl with a change in haircut, lighting, expression, whether or not he got enough sleep the night before... 😂 I don't really find it hard to believe that people not expecting to bump into an Avenger would have trouble seeing Bucky post-haircut as anything other than just another attractive white guy.

Anyway! Sorry for the segue lol. On to the date!

Earlier in this very same goddamn episode, it is established that Bucky can remotely operate a car with a tablet. This is not a technologically-inept geezer. This is a 30-something nerd who loves new technology, who, yes, is facing a brave new world and a whole lot of new technology, but has never shown any issue picking it up. The crappy flip phone he handed Raynor earlier? a burner to keep her out of what little personal life he does have (we never see it again in the real show, anyway). The "tiger photos" line? Stays, not to show Bucky's floundering ineptitude with technology, but as a little nod to his bisexuality. (don't like it? don't wanna see Bucky as bi? go watch the show and read Skogland's borderline-offensive interviews. This isn't "how I would pander to a homophobic audience" it's "how I would have written it." the "Bucky is bi" interpretation is super fucking common and has been since TFA so bite me 😁)

Tiny nitpick, but I'd also have the Battleship boards actually set up properly lmao. What even was that? Anyway...

I don't think I'd have Leah get all ranty about Yori and RJ. That's not first date talk, for one thing. For another, let's ease up on the beating Bucky and the audience over the head with that one incident in a single episode, shall we? Instead, I'd have her stick with the date questions - she asked his age, asked about his family; I'd have her follow it with questions about what he does for a living (giving us a chance to not only actually have that question answered for us - how the hell does Bucky keep himself from being homeless? lol - but also set up...)

He shuts down a little when she starts asking about his past; she's innocently curious, just trying to get to know him, but he's flinchy and deflects with questions about her. The date is awkward, but doesn't abruptly end with him running away lol. He walks Leah home, like the old-fashioned gentleman he is, goes home, himself, and end on him grimacing in his sleep, in the clutches of another nightmare: not as much detail as the RJ murder scene, we see disjointed, disorienting images of fluorescent lights glinting off of machinery, the occasional shot of Bucky writhing in the chair, a shot of that damned notebook (to remind the dumber audience members why Raynor's passive-aggressive notebook thing was so triggering for him), and we hear echoes of a couple of the trigger words, and Bucky's screams.

[anika-ann]

Attached - Pt.1

The Words of Doom

Type: (mini)-series, college AU, professor AU (technically)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word count: 1880

Summary for the series: You messed up. Your very sleep-deprived Self attached the wrong document when emailing a professor and sent him one of the stories you wrote instead of an assignment. It should be embarrassing, really, but it wasn’t. It was worse.

Why did it have to be the smutty one? Why did it have to be the one starring his best friend, Professor Rogers? You were so screwed.

Aka the ‘you sent the wrong attachment to hot professor A that just happens to be about his friend hot professor B and now professor A is not able to look at professor B without wheezing in laughter anymore and you are unable to look at either of them’ AU

Warnings: swearing, literally one mention of a possible daddy kink, double entendre

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Your eyes felt like on fire, burning hotter than the sun above Sahara Desert; the metaphor your sleep-deprived mind came up with was only perfected by the huge dunes of the bags under your eyes.

You were running on disgustingly strong coffee and three energy drinks, but you summoned the rest of your strength and clicked on ‘send’, slumping so heavily into your chair that when your back hit the backrest, it almost toppled over—but never mind, you made it!

Penny, your gracious roommate, would inform you that had you started earlier and were writing the actual essay instead of wasting words on steamy stories that somehow filled the desired wordcount with considerably less effort, you wouldn’t have been turning into a zombie sending assignments several minutes before eight a.m., the actual deadline.

Yeah, well, sue me, I prefer romance to the World War II., no matter how important history is.

You were certain Professor Barnes would understand if you told him that anyway – he was a pretty easy-going guy for a scholar after all. Then again, you sure as hell didn’t want to test the theory out and so you tended to hand in your homework perhaps ‘minute to midnight’, but still in time.

You grinned as you checked the sent e-mail, proudly reading it had been sent at 7:56. You mentally patted your back, not having the energy to actually move to do that.

And then your Sahara-dry eyeballs fell lower on the screen and you let out a shriek of horror.

Your heart stopped in your chest before kicking in faster than it had been pumping after three Red Bulls.

The attachment.

Oh no.

OH FUCK, the attachment!

Now, it happened on occasion that people forgot to attach the files they spoke of in an e-mail, right? Sometimes shit like that happened.

But this… this was so, so much worse.

“Oh no,” you uttered under your breath, shooting up and suddenly sitting with back straight as a ruler just to look at the screen from shorter distance to-- nope, still there. “Oh fuck.”

You quickly scrambled to send another e-mail with similar text but the right file, along with a swift apology.

Sent 7:59.

You should be relieved. Perhaps Professor Barnes would notice the correct one first and automatically deleted the one that obviously must have been wrong.

So why couldn’t you find it in you to think you would have such luck?

At least if he opened the wrong document, he would understand very quickly that it was not what he had asked the students to do and would delete it before diving in fully, right?

But a worm of doubt – or intuition, whatever you wanted to call it – told you that it wouldn’t be the case.

You covered your mouth with your palms and screamed at the top of your lungs.

Penny, sleep-deprived considerably less than you because she was an actual responsible human being, walked from her room to the bathroom and blatantly ignored you, probably thinking you had missed the deadline by a minute and were now freaking out.

Oh, you wished.

“Pennyyyyyyyyy!” you cried out in a whiny tone, but she clicked the door shut as if nothing was happening. As if your whole life wasn’t in shambles because of one single e-mail. “Penelope, you get your ass back here! I need to know how to switch schools without having to repeat a year!”

Her wild black curls peeked from the bathroom, followed by an annoyed sleep-raspy voice. “Why? You accidently called Barnes a daddy in your message or somethin’?”

Your heart was still beating its way out of your chest, a low ominous hum in your ears. Gods above, you wished. Still would be easier to explain, like… you could claim it was a dare or something.

No, this was much, much worse.

Penny, apparently taken aback by the lack of your response, left the safety of the bathroom and approached your lair (probably stinking of sugary drinks and caffeine) and peeked over your shoulder, searching an explanation for your antics.

You only gulped, moved the cursor to the title of the document you had sent in your first e-mail and closed your eyes, actually feeling tears of humiliation stinging in them.

The silence that followed spoke volumes until-

“OH SHIT.”

You had just shared your smutty one-shot with your history professor, but that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that it was starring his rumoured one and only best friend he shared an office with. One who had acted like a substitute for two weeks when Professor Barnes got a particularly bad case of cold, but wouldn’t leave you without a lecture. Needless to say, Professor Rogers had also starred several of your steamy dreams after that and became a source of inspiration for your occasional writing streaks.

And now your history professor could read all about it and, god forbid, share it with the man who was the template of the main character of the story. You weren’t dumb; you alternated the names, just in case of you didn’t even know what (and it might have made you feel better about writing filthy stuff about a prof), but you went with the same looks including hair and skin colour, hairstyle, Rogers’ glorious beard and you certainly didn’t omit his surprisingly ripped body.

So, yeah. Penny’s ‘OH SHIT’ was pretty accurate.

You were so screwed.

Yes, once again, you wished.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

You had handed in your work on Friday morning and had been jittery all weekend, practically unable to focus on any of the studying you desperately needed to do. Normally, you might write some comforting piece to relieve your frustration, but that was not an option right now as simply opening a text editor gave you palpitations.

The all-nighter you had pulled didn’t exactly help your already non-existent ability to get your head on straight either.

You were looking forward to Monday and dreaded it at the same time – Professor Barnes was to give your assignments back with a mark and commentary. You were praying for Monday to come already, because you just needed to know the consequences of your actions. You were freaking out about Monday for very obvious reasons.

You had no idea what was happening in your first Monday class. Your lunch consisted of half bottle of coke.

And now here you were, seated in the second row of three, because that seemed like the safest place, a seat where Barnes couldn’t approach you from any angle.

When he entered the class, you decided to stubbornly watch the desk in front of you. Under any circumstances, you would not make eye-contact, wouldn’t raise your gaze. There was no fucking way anything would force you look his in the eye.

Or you thought so.

You hadn’t realized he would call out each of your names and would say the necessary commentary about doing well, missing something, excellent work, this one feeling a bit sloppy… out loud, which would made it truly impolite to keep staring ahead. With each work sent through the sea of people to hand it to those in the second row, your stomach was turning heavier, your heart beating faster.

And then Professor Barnes said your name and you winced in your seat, squeezing your eyes shut on instinct, the childish if I can’t see you, you can’t see me either kicking in.

He called out your name again as if there was a chance you missed it the first time and with a huge lump of panic in your throat, you blinked your eyes open and raised your gaze, only to meet his neutral face with just the tinniest twitch to the corners of his lips and a barely visible twinkle to his eye.

Your stomach dropped to the floor, your face burning with embarrassment and humiliation.

He held out the papers to the person in the first row in front of you, whose name you didn’t care for at the moment, and nodded his head.

“Not bad at all,” he said and that was the end of it.

Your essay landed in front of you and you finally breathed in properly, your hand trembling slightly as you noticed the circled B+ in the corner.

You were deaf to his next words, your heart jumping as you read the note by the mark.

B for the cliché used, + for the originality.

Huh. What a strange way to word an evaluation… but hey, you wouldn’t complain. For one, no one had filled a harassment complaint for your stupid ass so far and you had written this shit during an all-nighter and still got B+. This was the best outcome you could hope for; Barnes didn’t even give you shit about your... error.

A smile slowly found a way to your lips, a shy little thing, but definitely present, your mimic muscles, so stiff from trying to keep a poker face, relaxing.

You browsed over the other notes in red ink scattered over the pages, some sentences and phrases unlined and commented on, sometimes corrected, sometimes complimented to.

It wasn’t until you reached the red note that had one word from it actually crossed out and replaced.

Really hits the spot mark.

Your smile froze on your lips, your heart ceased to beat before kicking in with furious pace, loud pounding humming in your temples.

Oh god. Oh no.

Hitting a spot? He could have written it was ‘spot on’ or that it ‘hit the mark’… he made the mistake deliberately, you were certain of it – all of his other notes were so neat and thought through-

You checked the individual notes, your stomach twisting when you re-read them in a new light.

Nearly all the wording he had used was referencing to your… special assignment you had handed in.

Oh god, please, let the lightning hit me. Let the floor swallow me. Let the cardiac arrest momentarily trying to kill me actually kill me.

Interesting work for certain with a winky face?! Really? That would be innocent enough on its own, but it was feeling like a conspiratorial wink. The I know more than I let on and you know what I’m talking about wink.

The next one was a blatant double-entendre and you could bang your head against your desk for not realizing it first time reading it. Good writing, nice flow, clearly heading to the climax.

Your face was set aflame once more and despite your better judgement, you glanced at the professor momentarily showing whatever in his presentation.

He caught your gaze and had the audacity to wink.

You snapped your head away and silently whined, sliding down your chair nearly enough to lie on the floor.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

Why did it have to be the smutty one you sent? Why couldn’t it be a cute one at least? You had loads of those! Why did it have to be the one about Steven damn Rogers, his friend?

Why, just WHY?!

Professor Barnes had definitely read it. And for some reason, you had a hunch that he had showed it to his friend slash colleague he shared an office with too.

You whined some more and pretended that this day was the apocalypse and that you would never have to face either of the professors ever again.

Of course, you could not have such luck.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Part 2

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

There it is! Shorter chapter for starters. Just you wait ;)

I’m pretty sure something like this have been written before, but plot bunnies are little shits that refuse to leave no matter how much you kick them and beg them to go away.

I blame @pies-writes-and-more @kayteewritessteve and @queen-kass-the-writer for supporting bad behaviour, but they are not the only ones. You know who you are, don’t YOU? I am a weak human being and you are corrupting me. Thanks, sweeties ;)

Thank you for reading! 

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Tags: @scentedsongrebel @patzammit @donutloverxo @annathesillyfriend  @orions-nebula @iheartsebastianstan @wxstedhexrt

If anyone wants on the taglist or out, lemme know via DM or an ask :)

-.-.-

ALSO. A friend of mine created a perfect artwork for this chapter/series and I wanted to share 😍🥰🤩:

Thank you, @chase-your-dreams-away 🥺

[shinahbee]

Aug-Sept favorites 2021!

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GREETINGS

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Sept 30/ 2021

Hello,

So I’m finally starting my program, therefore my updates will be slow from now on, it’s only been 1 month and I’m in tears with all the work that keeps piling up, not to mention the extra study hours after classes too, it feel like I have no time to do anything. The only day I’ll leave open is Friday for me and my best friend to hangout because I really can’t just work all the time or I’ll literally burn out. I literally have no life...lol.

Anyways, bet some of you feel the same as you start school soon or already have started. Take it slowly and try not to get too over whelmed. I will keep that in mind.

I have a different manhwa for you all this month, I know some people doesn’t really like the BL genre and would want to see other ones, so I featured this one because it was written by the author of secret relationships, which was last month’s feature.

I think for next month I’m going to do only updates on the ongoing titles, it looks like I won’t have time to read any new titles at the moment.

Anyways, hope you enjoy this month’s updates.

Sheena

No dramas...I can’t even breathe right now

Recap:

Okay i’m going to start to rearrange this by status instead of just a list.

Completed

December rain

Hold me tight

Dine with a vampire

Karasugoka don’t be shy!

Inner beauty

My purrfect boss

Oh! My assistant

no secrets between us

Private lessons

No way, vampires don't exist

Stanning 101

Path to you

Tied up in Twins

Stigma

Hand in Hand

The good teacher

Behind the scenes

The sales department’s cupid

BJ Alex

Unintentional love story

Crash into me

Unrippened expression

Smurf’s world (s1)

False memories

Here u are

Ongoing;

whose baby is it?

Social temperature

Salad days

To be or not to be

Semantic Error

My Suha

Turn off the camera

Murderous lewellyn candlelit dinner

Pearl boy

The third ending

Mr. Miss

Liveta

Secret relationships

Kings Maker (S2)

Updates on ongoing titles:

The Third Ending:

Okay so much has happened and S1 has finished recently. Last time I only talked about how they went on a date, it turns out after that date they continued to talk to each other more and constantly texting throughout the day, even yoonseul’ s co workers were questioning if he was seeing someone. Joon really was taking his studies seriously as he was going to be a baker one day, so he was going to cram school during the day and going to work at the bakery at night.

Yoonseul usually visits every day at the same time and joon was really excited to see him, so they became a big part of each other’s daily routine. One day joon’s co worker wanted to get out of a date with someone he asked out so he asked joon to meet her instead and this lead to yoonseul knowing joon had a blind date and was troubled by it.

Joon didn’t really want to stay since he was not interested in her in the first place, so when yoonseul asked to hangout for the day he dipped fast.lol. yoonseul and joon hung out for the day which was technically another date and they later went to yoonseul’s house to watch a movie and drink...and you know whenever alcohol is involved...something sexual happens. Well, not quite but they did sensually kiss each other and that lead to much embarrassment in the morning when yoonsuel's brother and sister witness them together laying on the floor.

Later yoonseul was being harassed by his best friend and siblings about him being gay, thought he wasn’t sure what he was feeling he denied it and later even gave them both space, joon was wondering why he stopped contacting him and they met up and yoonseul basically said that he doesn’t know how he feels but he doesn’t think it’s romantic...which is utter bullshit, but I get where both characters are coming from, they stopped seeing each other for a while but absence makes the heart grow fonder and yoonseul began to miss joon, so he decided to check up on him and noticed how joon looked like he had already forgotten him , everything he did reminded him of joon and he even had a wet dream about him...yes ladies and gents, he finally realized he like him. But when yoonseul went to see joon, he then was told to leave and never come back, yoonseul of course had nerves of steel and continued to visit him only to get a harsh remark.

Joon didn’t really want to say anything too mean but he didn’t understand yoonseul’s intention so he was confused as to why he still wanted to see him. Yoonseul’s friend got married and they had a bit of a celebration after wards and a classmate from yoonseuls old school was attacking yoonseul with a bunch of rumours that he’s heard of him, it was from that time when joon had confessed to him and joon was actually at the same restaurant and over heard everything. Yoonseul ran into the washroom after him to clear up the misunderstanding and ended up getting in a fight with the old classmate. They all went to the police station and joon and yoonseul talked for a bit and there was more rejection from joon, maily because he didn’t want yoonseul to be looked at in a bad light by his friends and family because he wasn’t gay.

Anyways, you’ll have to read the rest to see how it end, the creator said that the next season is going to be R-18, which means there will be spicy love scenes between the two. I actually like that since first season you see a lot of development before they go to the next level, this is a good portrayal of a realistic relationship not just two people having s*x in the first chapter. Those are the ones I tend to drop right away.

I have one that’s not BL surprisingly

Let’s go to work tomorrow/ back to work!:

“Jiyoon Cha is just trying to live her best life in spite of feeling unfulfilled by her corporate job and disillusioned with love. But what’s a woman in her 30s to do when the pressure to marry is high, her prospects are either her aloof supervisor or her juvenile, artist ex-boyfriend, and not even her perfect work friend can hold it together? Can a girl just have her chicken and beer in peace, or is that just a pipe dream?”

Okay, firstly this isn’t amazing despite my featuring it, at first it started off really well, a girl who is a little chubby working at an office and discovers that her manager is more than what he seems. I like the fact that she isn’t your conventional skinny pretty girl which most manhwa, especially in shoujo manga, a lot of those girls are portrayed really unrealistic it was hard for me to read and believe in their characters. But this girl’s only quirk is that she likes to eat...I’m like okay well who doesn’t, but they made it look like a personality trait of hers and that’s all she’s about. So I quickly got tired of her.lol.

Instead I really liked her co worker noah, she looks like the conventional pretty girl but her story is very interesting as she deals with a long term relationship break up and her cheating ex. I think she goes through a lot of character development and I like her personality more that jiyoon. Not to mention the guy pursuing noah looks a lot like Juha from pearl boy...lol. I’m like oh...who is this..?

I will put both pictures up to prove my point .lol.

He looks like juha’s double but in a shoujo manhwa instead of BL.lol. Of course I was sold after wards. Also since this manhwa ties in with secret relationships, Daon and seunghyeon also made several appearances since this work place is where all of them work.

Also manager Kang looks like seunghyeon’s double especially with his hair down, I thought it was seunghyeon at first but turns out it wasn’t. I feel like the only thing redeeming this manhwa right now for me is noah’s story and how she progresses with her new relationship with juha’s looks alike...jaein is his name I believe.

There’s nothing more to say, the relationships in this story is really weird and the main couple doesn’t actually act like a couple so it’s kind of strange to see how different they are at work versus at home..lol. I don’t know they don’t seem to have believable chemistry in my eyes. I guess I’ll wait and see if I end up finishing this.

I believe you can read this on kakao and tapas..i’m not sure, I read this on tapas.

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Trash segment (21+)

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a.k.a the part of the series where I shit on your favorite manhwa/manga/webtoon etc. Joking but not really, you have been warned.

This is the new section where you’re going to find titles that I dropped and the reasons why I discontinued the series all together, fair warning if you triggered by people criticizing your favorite series then you may want to skip this section all together. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and not every series that is “popular” or well liked by others will be like by all...therefore if there is content that makes a person uncomfortable enough to stop the series, that is on them and please don’t judge them for their morals.

So to recap, the series that I mentioned dropping so far are

Love or Hate

Yours to claim

Wistful summer

Anti-p.t.

The sound of fire

Kiss damnation

Cherry blossoms after the winter

Okay I was going to mention another one I’m thinking of dropping but maybe I’ll leave it for a bit to see if it passes the mark. But um...i’ll talk about this one instead.

Chasing Mr. Ceo:

“Otaku Oh Deok-Hae, who is a regular worker, who has been suffering a lot lately. This is all because the boss at his company looks just like his favorite character, Cain! Oh Deok-Hae who is an otaku is a regular worker, and has been suffering a lot lately. The source of his problem is his boss who resembles one of his favorite characters, Cain!

But the boss, who has a nice family, a beautiful face, amazing fashion sense, and great work ethics, unfortunately, doesn’t like Oh Deok-Hae. The boss has a nice family, a beautiful face, amazing fashion sense, and great work ethics. Sadly, doesn’t like Oh Deok-Hae.”

Okay firstly, don’t even bother with this. The plot is honestly a waste of time and the characters are really un-interesting, the main protagonist has no personality I’m still wondering why i even continued reading this. This plot line is really basic otaku guy who is in love with a 2D character that looks like his boss was obsessed with getting involved with his boss in a romantic way. Boss is a strict person and is cold towards the main character, which made him wanted to quit and work for another company in order to put an end to his feelings. He meets this other ceo guy who is interested in him and turns out to be friends with his boss....sigh..ya’ll know here this is going.

Stuff happens and he just let it happen without doing anything, basically he’s like the female protagonists from those otome games that I absolutely hate...I’m like I know this is supposed to represent a variety of females but this character has “zero” personality. This is the only thing that drives me away from trying any.

After reading like 10+ chapters I decided it was not worth it and quit, I do not recommend this at all unless you want to waste money then be my guest.

Beastars

“In a civilized society of anthropomorphic animals, an uneasy tension exists between carnivores and herbivores. At Cherryton Academy, this mutual distrust peaks after a predation incident results in the death of Tem, an alpaca in the school's drama club. Tem's friend Legoshi, a grey wolf in the stage crew, has been an object of fear and suspicion for his whole life. In the immediate aftermath of the tragedy, he continues to lay low and hide his menacing traits, much to the disapproval of Louis, a red deer and the domineering star actor of the drama club. When Louis sneaks into the auditorium to train Tem's replacement for an upcoming play, he assigns Legoshi to lookout duty. That very night, Legoshi has a fateful encounter with Haru, a white dwarf rabbit scorned by her peers. His growing feelings for Haru, complicated by his predatory instincts, force him to confront his own true nature, the circumstances surrounding the death of his friend, and the undercurrent of violence plaguing the world around him.”

Finally was able to watch Beastars, after my sister recommended it to me a,long time ago and I can see why people like it. The plot was nothing as I expected, I didn’t think this story centered around the drama club of all things. I liked the mystery aspect of it and how they showed how herbivores had to literally fight for their life to survive and how they are always afraid of being eaten. I didn’t understand why haru was sleeping with all these animals, it was really weird to me, so i asked my sister and she thinks it’s to prevent her from being eaten she offered herself to others to stay alive and to find some sort of fulfillment. Lol. I’m oh..okay..lol. Still don’t get it but it’s anime so it’s not supposed to make sense I guess. I didn’t really like Louis either, I thought he was full of himself and I guess I know where he’s coming from but I don’t like that kind of attitude.

Anyway, I finished watching both seasons so i guess I’ll wait for the third and see if I want to continue this series. Maybe if I read the manga I would like this more? Would you guys suggest that? Maybe I just find it weird since I am in training as a vet tech so technically working with animals as a career.

Nothing really to mention except some BL series like painter of the night and my suha actually has their own sound track.lol. I was like...this is random but the songs are okay.

I’ll list the youtube links for the songs here;

My suha:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZkUKNuUh4&list=OLAK5uy_kWQeuq7MnBY4iPwdrN-UCeILCyCtOPfxM

Painter of the night:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyCiio7jJPA

lol I don’t know, it’s a little weird to hear a song dedicated to BL series in general, but you know it means that it is popular so that makes me happy that people are taking an interest in some of these stories, this is why I even talk about them here in the first place.

When pearl boy gets their soundtrack I’m going to shit my pants and have that on repeat..omg I’m so obsessed with that series, as you all know.

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Ending note:

Okay, you made it to the end, let’s be real it wasn’t too long cause you know the situation. I hope you all still enjoyed the favorites this time around and I’ll get around to updating when I can, this post was supposed to be right at the beginning of the month but I was swarmed with tests and assignments all in the first week till now.

Hope you enjoyed and if you have anything to share that you like this month please leave a comment and give this a like if you want to see more next month.

Thanks, take care.

sheena

[unmaskedagain]

Five boys the Batfamily scared off (And the one boy who helped Marinette get revenge on them all)

This is actually based off a prompt/ask I got by #vixen-Uchiha

Okay, believe it or not, I’ve in history of all my days writing fanfiction (I just turned 27 and have been writing since I was sixteen); I started when Twilight was still at the height of its popularity. (All that work has been deleted, burned, and doused with holy water; don’t ask questions) But even with almost a decade of writing fanfiction, I never even considered approaching this fanfiction classic.

Until now.

Wish me luck. And don’t judge me too harshly.

Note this was also inspired by a poem I loved called To the Boys Who May One Day Date My Daughter by Jesse Parent

 Marinette always knew Tom was her step-father. Sabine and he married when she was three after all. And while she considered the great cuddly bear to be her dad, she still had a great relationship with her actual father: Bruce Wayne. And all her brothers and Sister.  She spent every summer with them and every other Christmas in Gotham. She loved her family. She just wished they take a chill pill.

And stop scaring away her freaking boyfriends.

Lê Chiến Kim: The Boy who swears Marinette’s related to the Boogieman

           If anyone asked Marinette now if she would ever date Kim, she’d have died of laughter. Kim was like a goofy cousin. They were great friends. Their moms were best friends. She just didn’t see him like that.

           However, it wouldn’t have been so funny to six-year-old Marinette who ran from school with a Daisy in her hair and a big smile her face.

“Daddy, Daddy,” She’d squeal to her Papa later that day. She barely noticed he was still wearing bat uniform, except the mask. Or all her brothers were with him.

“Hey Sunshine,” Bruce smiled lovingly at his youngest daughter. “You have a good day at school.”

“Give ‘em hell, firecracker,” Jason called from the background.

           Tim and Dick laughed. Bruce just shook his head amused.

“I got a boyfriend!”    

           Silence.

           That day would forever be known as the day all the smiles died. Seven-year-old Damian just blinked in confusion. He didn’t know what had happened but he knew it was bad. And that it involved his sister. Was she in danger? Did she need help?

           Before Bruce could process or respond to his precious, baby girl, who was way too young to date (And what the hell was Sabine thinking?). Dick literally pushed him out of his chair like it was nothing. “What’s his name? Who are his parents? Where does he live? And where can I find him right now?”

           Marinette, being too young didn’t notice the threat in her eldest brother’s voice and the look of murder in his eyes, had no problem telling Dick all about her best friend Kim, who was super nice, and gave her a Daisy, and kissed her cheek.

           When the call ended, Bruce brought up the picture of the boy in question. A nice-enough looking boy to most, but he knew the truth. He knew the evil in his heart.

I have been waiting for you, Bruce thought, not just to Kim but to all the boys who would day date his daughter, since before she was even born. Before you took your first steps, I was preparing to make it so you’d never walk again.

           However, Kim was still just a child. He needed a kinder touch. He looked back at his children: Dick, Jason, Cassandra, Tim, and Damian, and made his choice.

           When Dick showed up to walk her to the school the next day, Marinette didn’t think to question how her brother got from Gotham to Paris so quick. (Cough, misuse of Zeta beam). Or why he was dressed in all black with a scary biker jacket on. She just shrugged and let him help her tie her shoes and carry her bright pink, hello kitty, and backpack.

           He held her hand the entire way to school, where Kim and his dad were waiting by the doors. Kim had another daisy in his hand that he gave to Marinette.

“This is Dick,” Marinette introduced her brother. “My biggest brother. This is Kim, my boyfriend,” Kim preened. “Look, Dick, Kim got me another daisy.”

           Dick beamed at his sweet little sister, “I see. Hey! Isn’t that you’re friend Rose? Why don’t you go show her?”

“Okay!” And she ran off.

           As soon as she was gone, Dick’s smile quickly disappeared and he glared at the little Casanova, and his father, who felt like someone had just walked over his grave.

“My sister is a little young for a serious boyfriend,” Dick hissed. “Don’t you think? Don’t want her to grow up too fast, right?” The two could only nod in fear. “Good. Don’t hurt her. Don’t make her cry. Because I’d hate to have to have another talk with you, Chiến. It might not go as… nicely.” And with that, he left to go find his sister, leaving two terrified people in in wake.

           That conversation would be the reason Kim broke up with Marinette over recess but to the girl’s dismay and why the boy wouldn’t allowed to date for another ten years.

           Looking back Kim would swear darkness and shadows started to fill the schoolyard. That Marinette’s older brother’s voice got deeper and his eyes turned completely black. He had been a living nightmare, one that would haunt his dreams for years.

Marinette wouldn’t get another boyfriend for years.

 Chat Noir aka Adrien Agreste; The Boy who just didn’t want to Get Neutered

           Marinette never considered Adrien or Chat Noir her boyfriend. He had been her best friend, her partner, and for a long time, her crush. However, before Marinette found out who was behind the mask, and he earned the title of her best friend in the whole world.

Chat Noir had the title of Guy who can’t take a hint.

           They had been just thirteen at the time. Chat had been spending for more and more time flirting with Ladybug and joking around then actually taking the fight seriously. And when he wouldn’t get the response he wanted from his Lady, he’d pout or throw a tantrum and storm off. It had been getting to be a real hassle. And as much as she liked Chat, she had been seriously considering Master Fu’s offer of getting her a permanent partner to replace him.

           Then one day if all change. All the silly behavior, most of it anyway, and the constant flirting all stopped and never started back up. It would take Marinette months to find out why.

           Unbeknownst to Marinette, her Papa, Bruce had been keeping a watchful eye on the deteriorating situation. The flirting, his daughter’s frustration, the lack of care. It had to be stopped. Chat Noir had a few lessons to learn.

           Bruce glared harshly at the image of the cat-themed Superhero. He was proving to be a useless partner for Ladybug. And a prime example for a sexual harassment claim. “You’re sure you can handle this,” He asked son.

           Damian scoffed, “I will teach that alley cat the true meaning of fear.”

“Go.”

           When his son was gone and Bruce was once again alone in the Batcave, he smirked darkly at Chat Noir and all other boys who would come and go. “When you were still playing war in the school yard, I was perfecting headshots. You can’t catch up at this point.”

           One night, after a particularly hazardous fight with an Akuma, Chat Noir had been running home when suddenly everything went dark.

           He woke up, tied upside down, and gagged. For a few moments he thought Hawkmoth had finally gotten, wondered if this was the end.

           When a sword pressed against his throat, and a chilling voice whispered in his ear, “Care to find out just how many lives you really have, fleabag?”

           At the moment, Chat Noir no longer wondered if it was the end. He knew it was.

           A boy, Robin, he realized glared fiercely at him.

“I should kill you,” Robin sneered. “I should rip you limb from limb and leave your head mounted on a spike to show the next fool who thought he was worthy of my sister’s hand. Ladybug is too good for the likes of scum like you.”

           Chat Noir gulped. Sister? Ladybug was Robin’s sister. Adrien’s eyes widened, that meant Ladybug was Batman daughter. He was going to die. He was just going to disappear and his father, or most likely Nathalie, wouldn’t even notice until he failed to show up for his next appointment.

Gorilla would notice though, Adrien thought, he’d miss me.

           Robin pressed the tip of the sword to Adrien’s face until blood was drawn. “You will cease your incessant flirting with my sister. You will train harder for your battles. And you never, ever, leave Ladybug to fight alone again. Am I clear?”

           Adrien nodded his head earnestly. He’d never flirt with anyone again, he swore. He wouldn’t even celebrate Valentine’s Day. Or anything.

“And if for some miracle,” Robin hissed, “My sister deems you suitable to date, you will treat her will respect. You will never touch her without permission. And if you hurt her, Consider my genes a mark of Cain; you will suffer seven times whatever you do to her.”

           Chat Noir whimpered.

           A smoke bomb later. Chat Noir’s bonds were released and Robin was gone.

           It took a long time for him to stop shaking.

           He never flirted with Ladybug again. He worked harder and became the partner she deserved.

           And when Adrien discovered Marinette was behind Ladybug’s mask, he only managed to stumble a little.

           However, when Marinette told him that her brothers was coming for a visit; she couldn’t understand why he paled and stuttered out excuses for photoshoot he never mentioned before in far, far away countries. That same day, Adrien had his father taken them to Australia for vacation under the threat of Adrien dying his hair pink. He wouldn’t return for a month.

Jon Kent: The Boy who, in retrospect, really should’ve known better.

           Marinette’s first real boyfriend was the son of her father’s best friend, Clark Kent, otherwise known as Superman.  She had been only fourteen and it had been a summer romance while she stayed in Gotham. She had thought Jon was perfect; handsome, kind, funny…

           Invulnerable to most weapons and had amazing healing factor.

           Plus it’s not like her papa would kill the son of his best friend, right?

           Right.

           It had all been going great… until it wasn’t.

“I welcome you in my home,” Bruce hissed at the picture of Jon Kent on the bat computer. “I trained you. I trusted you. And you betrayed me.”

“Let me speak with him, father,” Damian demanded. “He is my friend. He will listen to me.”

           Bruce shook his head, “That’s why I can’t send you. You’re too close to the situation. He snuck past all our defense. Now I have no choice but to do same. J?”

           The Asian girl smirked, “Little Superboy will know dread.”

           Jon had been visiting the fortress of Solitude when… it happened.

           Before that day he had never dreamed the place would be anything less than safe, anything other than secure.

           His dad had just flown off to help someone in Brazil. Jon waited patiently for him to come back while he dreamed of his beautiful new girlfriend. Marinette was amazing, perfect, and the nicest, sweetest girl ever.

           When suddenly he felt a tickle in his throat, and he tried his best to clear it but it just got worse and worse. Until Jonathan Samuel Kent, Superboy (now that Connor was going as Krypton), fell to his knees as he struggled to breath.

           No matter what he did, the more breaths he took, the worse he felt. It was like his lungs were on fire.

“Do not struggle,” A voice said. Jon looked up see Blackbat, Cassandra, standing above him. How did she get into the fortress? Not only could only a Kryptonian open the doors but only a member of El could be let in. It was impossible. “Struggling makes it worse.”

           Jon coughed, “What?”

“The air,” Cassandra waved her hand around. “It is filled with dust. Green dust of Kryptonite. It has disable you and your powers. It’s concentrated. You will not die. The alerts of the fortress were disabled. No one is coming to help you, villain.”

           Jon shook his head frantically. He wasn’t a villain. He wasn’t a bad guy. This had to be some mistake.

“No, not villain,” Cassandra corrected. “Not yet. A thief who thought he could earn my family’s trust and then steal away our most precious jewel; our princess. And do it without consequences. I am here to teach you better.”

           Superboy flinched at her words.

“You will not pressure my sister,” Cassandra hissed. “You will be the gentleman we believed you to be. If you cheat on her, I will ensure you never have children. If you strike her, I will know. She will not keep your secret. You can’t make fire feel afraid. And I will come for you. Do you understand?”

Jon nodded, fear in clear in his eyes.

“Good.” She leaned forward, right into the young superhero’s face. “Some say you and your father, your cousin Kara, and Connor, are invincible. That you can’t be stopped. That you are gods among us.” She scoffed. “Let me make this, if you break my sisters’ heart, you will learn, boy of steel, that even gods bleed.”

           And then she was gone, and with her all traces of kryptonite. It didn’t stop the chill that filled Jon to the core.

           It was to no one’s surprise when Superman showed up at the Batcave not long after. “Bruce,” Clark asked with his arms out. “What the fuck?”

           Marinette’s relationship soured when suddenly Jon was too scared to hold her hand, her be alone with her, or kiss her. She got the hint that he just wanted to be friends and broke it.

           She found out a year later what really happened.

Luka Couffaine: The Boy who decided he didn’t want to sing his tune yet.

           Luka had been Marinette’s first serious boyfriend. She was sixteen. They had been together for months and were getting to the ‘I love you’ stage.

           He was cool. He was funny. He was a budding Rock star. He had dyed green hair, tattoos and earrings. Luka went onto tour with his band every summer. He was older than Marinette by two years. He had quite a few previous girlfriends. And he hadn’t been scared off by the normal attempts by his other kids.

           In other words, he was Bruce Wayne’s worst nightmare.

           And the nightmare got worse, when for the first time ever, Marinette was bringing a boyfriend home for Christmas. It was all the confirmation he needed that the things were serious.

           It was why he knew he had to send the greatest soldier he had. Luka Couffaine would rue the day he decided it was good idea to ask his princess out. “Are you ready?”

           Tim nodded. “I’ve done my research,” he declared. “I know what makes him to tick. I. Will. Break. Him.”

“Excellent,” He drawled out the word like it he tasting fine wine. Not caring at all that he sounded like a superman.

“You really think he’s a threat, dad?” Tim asked. “Because I can take care of it. I can have him eliminated. Ra's al ghul owes me a favor. It’ll look like an accident,” He promised. “It’ll look like he just… disappeared.”

A sense of pride filled Bruce. Tim was his most capable and resourceful soldier. He would make a great batman. Any of his kids would.

Batman stared the picture of the boy on his phone as he fought the urge to crush it in his hands. “No,” he finally answered. “I’ve known plenty of rock stars and so called bad boys in my day.  Angel’s smart,” he said using Marinette’s codename. “I have been routing out indifference apathy from her life, her childhood was filled with love and affection. There are no daddy issue for his teenage talons to latch upon. Just… make sure he understands who he is dealing with.”

“Understood.” And then call ended.

           He looked up and saw all the other Justice League members staring at him with expressions of awe, fear, and confusion.

“…Marinette’s got a new boyfriend, huh?” Diana asked when the call disconnected. Amusement in her tone, she knew Bruce would never seriously hurt a kid.

“Poor guy,” Barry said with a shake of his head.

           Clark pinched his nose, “You can’t keep scaring guys away from her forever. Eventually, she’s going to find one who isn’t afraid of you.”

“And then she’ll marry him out of spite,” Dinah added.

           There were snorts from the other league members.

“Like that’ll ever happen,” Oliver said with a shake of his head. “That kid would have to be the biggest moron in the universe. I’ll pity his family.”

           Marinette had constantly warned Luka about how overprotective her family was. Luka hadn’t thought much of it. He dealt with overprotective fathers and brothers before. Eventually they grudging begin to like him. Or realize that if they actively hated him, it would just make the girl get attached.

           He was excited for Christmas, excited to prove himself to the girl of his dreams, and impress her by dealing with her entire family. Luka didn’t understand why Adrien looked so afraid when he told him. Or why he asked what type of flowers he liked.

“For the funeral,” Adrien shrugged. “I need to know what to buy.”

           Luka had laughed, thinking the blond was joking. He had already met a two of her brothers; Dick and Damian. They had been growls and threats but nothing he couldn’t handle. But Adrien didn’t laugh. He just shook his head and promised he’d be there for Juleka. Luka thought he was overreacting.

           However, nothing. NOTHING. Could have prepared Luka for the first time he met Tim.

           Luka had been walking home with Kagami, his long-time friend and one-time rival for Marinette’s affection. It was board daylight, there were tons of people around, and then they had made the apparent mistake of walking by an alley, when suddenly they were pulled into the back of a van, hoods thrown over their heads, and their hands bounds.

           He didn’t know how much time had passed. Or where they were being taken. All he saw was darkness. All he felt was fear. Was this how died?

           When the hoods were finally removed, the two teenagers found themselves in what looked to be a deserted warehouse, bound to their chairs, with a teenage boy not much older than they sitting across from them, looking absurdly comfortable given the situation.

My name is Timothy Drake-Wayne. I am Marinette’s older brother,” He said. “Let me make something clear before we begin. The last hour never happened. This conversation never happened. We never met. And if you say otherwise,” Tim’s eyes narrowed.  “No one will believe you. I was just by dozens of witnesses in Mexico with my boyfriend less than two hours ago. But if you do tell anyone, there will be consequences. Do you understand?”

           They nodded not daring to say a word.

“Luka, Luka, Luka.” Tim smiled an eerie grin that should look more at home on the monsters from Horror movies, and not on such a handsome face. “I hear you’ll be visiting us over the holidays. Must be so exciting for you, meeting your girlfriend’s family. Are you excited, Luka?”

           Luka swallowed hard. He never thought he’d hate the way his own name sounded. “I was- I mean I am. I am.”

“Good,” Tim said. “I just wanted to offer you a bit of advice. So you can know to expect. You see it call all be a bit… daunting to newcomers. Some people don’t understand the Wayne family’s unique tastes. Okay?”

           He nodded.

           Tim still smiled. In fact he never lost his smile the entire time. Yet his eyes were empty like there was no real life in them. “When you first come to my home, you will see the bone carving over the doorway. It will be hard, but try not to imagine your own femurs so expertly carved.”

           At this Kagami’s eyes widened. She had done her best to remain calm but somethings were too much.

           Tim smile widened, “There are one or two rooms you will not be allowed in. However, accidents happen and we understand. But we do ask that you pay no attention to our… ample crawl space. Or the smells that can sometime come from it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Luka stuttered. “Sure, no problem. Man.”

“Try not to go into Father’s playroom,” Tim continued on. “It will be easy to spot. It’s mostly empty, apart from a rubber mat and a drain. He gets so testy when stranger go in there. You’ll hear strange noise from time to time but just ignore them. That is just father… playing.”

           The green-haired boy just stared. Because what the fuck.

“Just follow that advice, and you should be fine,” Tim promised. “Though you are a pretty one.  You both are. And we like pretty ones. Oh the things we do to pretty ones”

Luka whimpered. Kagami felt tears build in her eyes.

           Tim laughed, “Now, now, none of that,” He said channeling his inner Brucie. “We’re not going to hurt. We’d never hurt Marinette’s friends.” He promised. “We would hurt people who hurt Marinette because people who hurt Marinette are not her friends.”

           Red Robin looked over the two, “What I’m trying to say is. Break my sister’s heart, and we will kill you. I will kill you. You won’t see if coming. You won’t know we’re there. And if you’re lucky, you might not even feel it. Clear?” They nodded. “Excellent. Now you’re going to leave the same way you came. Remember not a word.” He smiled got even bigger.

           They felt hands on their shoulders.

“Oh and Kagami,” Tim’s voice rang. “Should romantic feelings spring to life between you and Marinette again, just know our sister Cassandra is much scarier than I. And a much better shot.”

           Then the black hoods and complete darkness came gain.

           When they were finally let go, in the exact same place they had been taken, neither Luka nor Kagami spoke for what seemed like forever. Their minds still wrapping around what had just taken place. However, it was Kagami who finally broke the quiet.

“Well, it appears I dodge a bullet, huh,” She shrugged, her face not betraying the fear she still felt. “Sucks for you. I’m going to go propose to Chloe. I know can I take her mom in a fight. And that she’s not a serial killer.” Kagami then gave him a grave look. “Happy holiday, Luka. I’ll send best flowers to your funeral.” And the she was gone, literally fleeing down the crowded street, leaving Luka alone with his thoughts and sense of his impending doom.

           He broke up with Marinette an hour later.

           It would take weeks before he would willingly be in a room with her again.

Kaldur'ahm: The Boy who regretted ever walking on land.

           Marinette had met her next boyfriend through her brother Tim. Ironic, considering she had just found out what he did to Luka. She had gone in for some extra training with the Black Canary when she spotted him. Kaldur; aqualad. Marinette had never talked too much with him before but found he was a very calm person and level-headed. A good leader, no matter how much Tim complained.

           They had spared together one day. And another. And Another. Then he asked her out. It was sweet… While it lasted. And it didn’t last long.

           Batman had looked at Kaldur’s picture, scoffed, and said, “Jason?”

           The sound of a gun clocking was heard, “Little Mermaids going down.”

           Unlike his brothers, Redhood had no time for mind games. He went for the quickest route.

           Aquaman burst into room where the justice league meeting was, “He shot Kaldur,” He roared to Batman. “The Red Hood shot Aqualad!”

           Bruce didn’t bat an eye, “Is he alive?”

“Yes,” The King of the seas said quickly. “But that’s not point.”

“Seems like it is,” Bruce said and went on with the meeting leaving a stuttering, red-faced Aquaman still standing there.

It was to one’s surprise when Kaldur dumped Marinette and was gone. Disappeared to the safety of Atlantis. And when he came back, Marinette was barred from Young Justice Headquarters.

It was on that day, that Marinette Dupain-Cheng-Wayne decided enough was enough.

 Roy Harper-Queen: The Boy who should start making better life choices

           It was weird to say but Marinette met the boy who would turn out to be the love of her life when she was ten-years-old. And then sometime after her eighteenth birthday, she would team up with his clone to go rescue him. They became friends, went on missions together. It was a year later that he asked her out.

           Roy was pissed at the world, ready to die for anything if it meant he’d went fight, had a rude mouth, feared nothing and no one, and didn’t play by anyone’s rule but his own. In other words, he was perfect.

           Marinette just never meant to fall in love. She certainly didn’t expect to say yes when proposed.

           They had been keeping their relationship a secret from both their families for over two years. They were happy together. They loved each other.

           But more importantly, they could plot revenge together.

           And revenge was sweet.

           It all played out during a Justice League meeting. Roy, Red Arrow, and Ladybug had been full members for quite some time. The meeting was just about to close, when Roy stood up, “I have an announcement to make,” He said. “Red Arrow will be withdrawing from missions for the perceivable future. As will Ladybug,” He looked at Marinette who nodded firmly.

“What’s going on, Roy?” Oliver asked his once wayward son, with a frown.

           Batman eyed them suspiciously. As did the other members of the batfamily, all were present. Apart from Alfred because Marinette liked Alfred.

           Wonder Woman frowned, “Are you going solo again, I thought you were happy.”

“We’re fine. We’re very happy,” Roy said slowly before taking a deep breath and doing the bravest thing he ever would in his entire life. “Ladybug’s pregnant and I’m the father.”

           A few seconds passed before the words were processed in the Superheroes mind.

           Bruce’s eyes widened, his mind stopped working, and then a snarl ripped form his throat as he moved to attack. The batkids joining him.

“Alpha Code Angelbug” Flash shouted.

           That was all the other league need to go into defensive positions around Roy, against the batfamily. Marinette remained where she was with glee in her eyes. Superman stood in front of Roy, blocking him from view and potential danger.

           The Flash, Cyborg, Black Canary, Wonder Woman, and the Green Arrow stood in front of them. Oliver aimed at arrow at Batman, “Don’t move!” He yelled. “Don’t you dare move, Bruce. I’ll do it. Roy’s my son. And I won’t let you hurt him.”

           Batman growled, “He. I. My daughter!”

“Get Roy out of here, Superman,” Wonder Woman ordered. “We’ll hold him off but we can’t do it for long.” She stepped towards Bruce. “Marinette’s a grown woman. She makes her own choices.”

           Dick shook his head, anger clear on his face, “Dude, you were my friend.”

           Damian snarled, “Harper’s a sneak and a coward.”

“No honor,” Cassandra agreed.

           Jason just looked at his best friend, “I love you…. But you’re dead.”

           Tim just growled.

“No one’s dead or dying,” Marinette said as got up. “Because I’m not pregnant,” She said loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. She walked to her boyfriend and pulled him out from behind his shield. “But Roy and I have been dating for almost three years. And we’re getting married. You can be happy for us. Or I can never talk to you again.”

           Roy grinned, “Pops,” he said to Oliver, whose face was torn between relief and fury at it was prank. “We thought you and Bruce could be the main wedding planners. With the rest of the Queens and Waynes helping out; you know now that we’re going to be family. ”

           With that the two lovebird left the room, leaving the chaos they had created.

           Silence filled the room as Batman and Green Arrow stared at the other.

           Oliver gulped. He let out a breathy chuckle, “So I think a wedding in Star City would be great. Lots of Lilies. The Queen family loves lilies.”

           Batman’s eyes narrowed, “Gotham, roses.”

           Black Canary crossed her arms, “Star City would be safer.”

“Gotham is far more beautiful,” Tim snapped back.

           And just like that, battle lines were drawn. Justice League members’ face turned weary.

           Whether they knew it or not, that was Marinette and Roy’s last act of revenge.

           Forget Batman vs Superman.

           Try Bruce Wayne versus Oliver Queen: billionaire against billionaire, father against father. Elsewhere, thousands of journalist, photographers, florists, and caterers trembled and they didn’t know why.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 13

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** means translation may not be accurate.)

C: Is Tonari no Young Jump an app?

I: It’s a website. It’s like Jump Plus. It’s not well-known. Choujin X is being serialised there. It’s in Tonari Young Jump. I wanna change the name… Why is it Tonari (neighbour)? Even though I’m doing this with so much pride for Tonari no Young Jump. Even though I’m prepared to work for Tonari Young Jump for the rest of my life. It’s just a neighbour?! It’s not even Young Jump. Young Jump is like a younger version of Jump. It’s still a Jump. It’s Jump’s neighbour. Is Tonari no Young Jump the neighbour of the neighbour of Jump, then? So, I wanna change the name into something cooler! Something like Crazy Jump. Hahaha! Doesn’t that sound marvellous? Crazy Jump. Miracle Crazy Jump.

C: CraJump.

I: Isn’t CraJump sounds nice? Hahaha!

C: In the end, it’s still Jump’s neighbour.

I: That’s true. If we remove Jump, it’ll only be crazy. Tonari no Crazy. That sounds a bit lame. Crazy Jump is better. Haha. Seriously, doesn’t it sounds good? I like that name. Crazy Jump. Hahaha! I wanna serialise my work in Crazy Jump! It’ll only have stories that are banned. It’s for the crazy people who have nowhere else to publish their works. Haha. There is such magazine. Do you know Garo magazine? But Garo isn’t one maybe. We do have Garo magazine, where the writers are kinda like nonconformists. This one’s gonna be like a revival of Garo. Crazy Jump! Where lunatics, and not mangaka, gather. The concept is ‘Welcome to the end of the world’. It’s not ‘Friendship, Effort, Victory’, but ‘Slaughter, Irrationality, Futility’. That’s the motto for Crazy Jump. I wanna think about this thoroughly. It’ll be about fear instead of dream. Slaughter will be the theme.

C: I really wanna read it.

I: I know right! Not a manga like this, instead, you wanna read that kind of magazine. “Welcome to the end of the world. This is the place for people who have given up on all kinds of entertainment.” This isn’t an entertainment anymore. It’s a harassment. Creative Harassment: Crazy Jump.

C: Are you gonna publish Choujin X there?

I: I wanna do it in Crazy Jump not Tonari no Young Jump. I wanna go against OPM. Which one is stronger? Tonari Jump’s OPM vs Crazy Jump’s Choujin X. Crazy Jump is definitely stronger. But Choujin X probably doesn’t fit the criterion for crazy Jump. It’s hard to publish it there. I want the Great Master, Egawa Tatsuya sensei to publish his work in Crazy Jump. I want One sensei in Crazy Jump too. OPM will stay in Tonari Jump, but I want One sensei to publish another work in Crazy Jump. I’ll be the chief editor. I’ll look for people and I have them publish their works there. As long as you’re crazy, you’re in. I’ll hire any nutcases who’re good at drawing.

(Egawa Tatsuya is a mangaka & film director. His known for his work ‘Golden Boy’.)

I: You guys are mistaken. I’m gonna do it for real. I’m seriously doing it. The characteristics that Crazy Jump’s looking for in a writer is firstly, someone who definitely won’t follow the deadlines, but upload a bunch in the spur of the moment. I want the magazine to be random. No one knows what stories are gonna be in the issue. There might be times where there are no stories at all. I want to make it a thrilling magazine. The drawings for the all the stories will be done outside the frame. Hahaha. I wanna create it!

C: Have Togashi sensei publish his work there.

I: That’s absolutely. Togashi sensei has high common sense, so I wanna take that away from him. Crazy Jump is only for lunatics. It’s for people with no common sense and those who doesn’t even realise they don’t have one. Do you understand what I’m saying?

C: The editors must be crazy too?

I: Hmm…It feels like the stupid vibe will be overused. Still, let’s make the figurehead editor wears only brief. Make Mr. Matsuo wears brief.

C: Even the readers are crazy.

I: Probably, only good-for-nothing people will read the magazine, so no. The writers probably hate their own readers. They’d say something like “I don’t wanna draw for this kind of people!”, “I only have cuckoos as my readers!”, etc. “A chain of hatred, welcome to Crazy Jump. That’s why fighting will never stop”. This is the concept.

C: This magazine will make somebody’s happy.

I: Hmm…Maybe it’s better to just gather people who’re good at drawing. Then, I’ll give them welfare payment since the magazine won’t sell. I’ll take care of them. They’re free to draw as they like and money will be given too as long as they make Crazy Jump crazy.

*Nobody’s gonna vote for the survey.

I: You have to vote for 3 series, right? What survey should I do? Pick 3 series that you wanna cancel and they’re gonna be cancelled for real.

C: Yomu Dokuyaku. (t/n: Op was referring to a book called Yomu Mayaku which literally translates as Read Drug. There’s no eng title for the book so I kept it in Japanese.)

I: Hahaha. Not Mayaku, but Dokuyaku (poison). That’s a good one. Yomu Dokuyaku. A poisonous disease. That’s Crazy Jump. I really wanna make Crazy Jump. I wanna read it. I’m gonna drag writers to the darkness. They’d be like “I wanna quit.”, “I started drawing because I wanna write manga like One piece!”, “I liked watching anime at first, I wanted to create a manga that’d become an anime one day. I thought I was able to achieve that.” This is how Crazy Jump’s gonna be. Let’s make a Crazy channel. We’ll broadcast the anime version there.

*Someone commented that Crazy Jump is the going to the opposite side of the classic approach in magazine.

I: It’s not even the opposite. It’s going nowhere. It’s not heading or moving towards anywhere. It’s not heading forward or backward. It sees and hears nothing. I want this kind of magazine to exist…The stories must be crazy. If they’re too crazy, the stories will be discontinued.  

C: Animal Rap can easily be serialised there.

I: Why? Animal Rap isn’t crazy at all. It’s totally NHK vibe. It’s even watchable for kids. Animal Rap has wholesome contents, you know? Everyone can watch it.

C: If I won a prize, I’ll report to you. (t/n: OP possibly referring to them winning manga award as they’re aiming to submit their work to Young Jump.)

I: You mean Crazy Jump’s Award? Crazy Jump has no award.

I: Now for the scouting part, I’d scout them like this, “Do you know about Crazy Jump? How about it? Do you have the courage to be crazy?”, “Would you like to serialised your work in Crazy Jump?”. All of these would be conversed through private message. It’d be a secret deal.

I: It’s time for me to scout people now. I wanna do that kind of business too, scouting business. I’ll gather any reckless youngsters, middle-aged men, and old men as well to work in Crazy Jump.

I: I wanna scout housewives too. I’ll make them write crazy mangas. Isn’t that a totally good idea? A housewife writing a crazy manga. In between taking care of children and doing chores, they write such manga. It’ll be a profound work. We need to unseal the hidden craziness lies within housewives.

I: Don’t you feel intrigued by it? You’d be shocked if people who are close to you or someone who you sympathises with create something crazy. The smiling old man that you often see is actually writing such insane manga. What’d your reaction be? You might think he’s lunatic.

I: Crazy Jump will even scout the readers since there’s always be a shortage in human resources.

C: Will I get scouted if I sent an eccentric letter to Crazy Jump’s editor?

I: No, you can’t. Insane people don’t realise that they’re insane. Those who can judge that they’re crazy can be external employees. It’s time for geniuses to step aside. This magazine will only be for madmen. Every writer is a lunatic.

*He’s taking about what if it’s Criminal Jump instead of Crazy Jump?

I: Aren’t you interested to know what kind of stories the magazine would have if all the writers were criminals. They might write heartwarming or fantasy genres. If they did that, you’d have some sort of love-hate relationship with the authors.

I: If Criminal Jump was issued, people would start commit crimes just to have their work serialised in the magazine. That’d be another problem. Suddenly, people would start killing others because they wanted to be like the authors in Criminal Jump. This is definitely a bad idea. Crime is a big no-no. Crazy Jump is the coolest, after all.

C: The heroine definitely dies in Crazy Jump.

I: I wonder… She’ll die when it’s time. Let’s make clams as heroines. Ms. Clam. There’s no explanation for that. This way, the heroines won’t die. (t/n: He really did say clam as in the food clam.)

I: But to create a true mad story, it has to be natural. The story for every heroine will be about reincarnation every time. Ultimately, the stories will be about reincarnation. The story will start off normally, but it’ll end with the protagonist getting reincarnated.

*He continued expanding the reincarnation ideas.

I: If every ending will have a reincarnation setting, then it’s gonna be a common concept and not abnormal anymore. Everyone will expect the same ending. But I wanna try writing that kind of story as a mangaka. I wanna try write it once. On the other hand, when there’s no reincarnation happened in the stories, people would start wondering.

*Ishida mentioned TG.

I: I realised TG was a bit crazy when I reread it. I conceitedly told few people that they had few loose screws in the head. Seemed like I was the same too.  It was fun reading it after a long time. It kinda had a crazy vibe.

C: How about making the stories use coined/new words, but they never explain what the words mean till the end?

I: Hmm… That’s considered as crazy in a way. Final fantasy 13 did that kind of stuffs, with the term ‘falcie’ and all. It was quite a rumour. I didn’t play it though.

C: The Falcie’s Lacie purge Cocoon. (referring to FF13.)

I: You’d maybe understand what they mean if you played the game. Rather than crazy, the game was just being not user friendly. It’d be better if they slowly explained what the words meant throughout the game.

I: Everyone must be tired already. Should we stop talking about Crazy Jump now?

C: Has your work progressed?

I: I don’t know. Is it?

*Reading comments.

C: Aren’t you gonna sleep?

I: I woke up at wrong hours. So, I’m still not sleepy.

I: Should we end the stream? I’m already satisfied. Let’s end it.

C: In the end, what are we gonna do for 30,000 subscribers’ commemoration?

I: The most likely one would be a ‘Thank you’ video. I’ll just scream “Thank you!’.

C: Are you satisfied now?

I: Yeah.

I: It’s been a long time since I streamed, so I got carried away. Okay then. Thank you. Who just joined in, please watch it in the archive. I’m gonna upload Animal Rap. Thank you.

Part 1

[rieson]

@sanjis-simp submitted; Hi! Can I get a matchup for One Piece if you’re still open for them? Please and thank you! I’m 5’5 and am a plus size girl. Super pale with dyed black hair with straight bangs and hair to my shoulders. Personality wise I’m an infp or 6w5. I I’ve been told I’m kind but I’m also very opinionated especially about civil rights, politics, and how people are treated so I can come off bitchy to some people. I do curse a lot and will absolutely obsess over something until I learn all I can or until I get bored of it. I’m a big homebody never really go to parties or anything like that. I’d rather stay home and watch tv or read. Thanks again!

hello ! thank you so much for requesting love, i match you up with . . .

word count; 1,440

Donquixote Rosinante / Corazon !

Now, let me start with the usual height difference between you both; I'm sorry but you look like a dwarf standing next to your 293 cm boyfriend.

Like, an absolute DWARF. (Why is he so tall god dammit)

It's embarrassing but, he first met you when he stumbled down the stairs trying to deliver paperwork to Sengoku's office ─ you were coincidentally trying to go up the stairs so Rosinante ended up kissing your shoes.

If one were to ask 10 year old Rosinante where he would see himself 10 years in the future, the answer was probably going to be something he always wanted to do; "helping people" and NOT tripping down the stairs ─ face planting and possibly kissing someone's shoes right now.

"A-Am i dead..? Am i in heaven?" He mumbled groggily, looking up to see a blurry pale figure with dark hair, "Are you an angel...? P-Pretty ...Pretty angel" The words seemed to slip out of his mouth unconsciously, but it still made you blush.

You cleared your throat, blush still visibly apparent in your cheeks, and you handed out a hand for the stranger to take, "Are you okay? Here get up"

The stranger seemed to snap out of whatever daze they were in, finally processing what just happened.

His lips pursing, he stared at your hand ─ and stared at you ─ and back at your hand ─ and then back at you; you stare at him back.

His face visibly flushed, he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly; before deciding to close it and avert his gaze to the floor that seems oh so interesting now.

"I..Uh....Are you gonna get up? You looked like you were in a hurry" You spoke out; voice so gentle yet it was clear that you held alot of confidence.

The stranger finally deciding that the floor wasn't interesting after all, looked up at you with soft hazel brown eyes, and accepted your hand.

You pulled him up; startling him as if he didn't expect to get pulled up, and he stumbled yet again ─ but this time, he was stumbling forward.

Towards you.

You immediately wrapped your arms around his torso, stopping him from falling down again and possibly bringing you down with him.

To others, it looked like sexual harassment but honestly, the stranger just seems to be really clumsy.

Your whole body was dwarfed by his unusually tall, freaky height, making it a challenge to keep him stable but you did it anyways.

"Whoa! You okay?" A chuckle escapes your lips, "You're really clumsy"

The man flushes at your comment and nods hastily, and stands up as you unwrap your arms in his torso.

You got a good look at the man, he was tall. Like TALL tall, perhaps even more than 250 cm? You couldn't tell.

The man wore a white, short-sleeved shirt emblazoned with the Marine emblem; a simplified gull with the word "MARINE" underneath it, on the back; a blue neckerchief; dark blue trousers and above his shoulders wore a coat, "Justice" on the back. He wore the coat like it tends to be worn like a cape, draped over the shoulders with the arms not in the sleeves; indicating that he was indeed, an ensign.

His unruly blond hair seemed to go towards every direction, making it (if not) tangled.

The man finally spoke out, "Y-Yeah sorry about that.." his voice was a bit deep and husky.

"It's fine, you looked like you were in a rush" You answered kindly, crouching to gather his scattered papers he dropped.

He seemed to notice this and started to panick; arms flailing around.

"W-Wait! It's okay I can pick it up!" He sheepishly spoke out, finally taking a look at you and panicking more as he saw that you were a Rear-Admiral.

"No, No it's fine." As he was about to stop you, you were already done gathering the scattered papers, handing it to him with a smile.

"You're in a rush, aren't you? I understand, i also tend to get a bit clumsy and panicky when i wasnt in time." You chuckled.

"Y-Yeah! Thank you ...once again" He took the papers from you, and bowed.

"It's no problem! Please don't bow to me it's a bit awkward haha.." You nervously trail off.

"I- IM very sorry! I didn't mean to- I mean- I-"

"It's fine, it's fine ! You're going to Sengoku's office right ? Better be fast then" You gave him a wink.

The man blushes, "R-Right! My name's Rosinante ma'am" He gives you a shy smile.

You gave a smile back, "Chanae."

And that's practically how you two met; cliche yikes but it's fine !!!1!#!

You both kept accidentally crossing each-others paths and decided to atleast be friends because it was starting to get awkward with the short "hi's" and "how are you's"

As you got closer to Rosi, you found out that he was indeed, an extremely clumsy dork.

Its pretty comical actually, despite you hating the amount of bruises he gets from his clumsiness.

Rosinante grew up and up the ranks; finally reaching the marine commander rank.

While you, only going up to Vice-admiral, just like garp.

You've been offered the title 'Admiral' quite often but you declined, not wanting such a heavy title to be put on your shoulder.

Rosinante was disappointed to say the least but he was supportive with your decision.

Over the past few years of doing missions with you, Rosinante gained a not so small crush on you.

Scratch that, he mf loved you.

He wanted to confess how he felt to you; even if you dont return the feeling back ─ he can relax knowing he's confessed already.

Hence, that's why he's outside of your office, bouquet in hand, as he thinks of a thousand scenarios that would happen when he knocked the door to your office.

Taking a deep breath, Rosi finally gathers enough courage to knock on your door.

And so he did.

Knock.

Knock.

A door creaking could be heard, your head peeked out of the door, face visibly displaying confusion.

"Uh- Hello Chan!"

"Rosi..? What are you doing?" You narrowed your eyes at the suspiciously acting 9 foot tall man.

"Uh..I....I wanted to tell you that I like you!- I-Uh- M-More as a friend..And i was hoping if I could take you out on a d-date...?" He trails off softly, his gaze glued on the floor, face flushed.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise, flushing lightly before shrugging, your mouth forming a smile unsconiously "Sure!"

You both took the relationship slowly; not wanting to rush and make one another uncomfortable.

You and Rosi has alot of things in common; including civil rights.

Rosinante was raised to not be like other celestial dragons; he was truly kind.

And you wanted to make sure people were treated how you think is right.

You both hate celestial dragons; you more than Rosi.

Often, when someone gets offended by you cursing your mouth off, Rosi will usually be the one who will apologize profusely while you continue throwing profanities at the celestials.

Rosi also admired your hunger in knowledge; he knows a bit but he isn't as extreme as you.

Rosi HAS to drags you to sleep sometimes otherwise, you'll loose your sleep because you were focusing on learning too much.

Rosi doesn't like to go on alot of parties either, he instead just likes to be alone with you; either cuddling you or watching you read with a lovestruck gaze.

He absolutely loves the fact that you're plus size! He doesn't care what other people thinks, it makes you supper huggable and Rosi loves it.

Likes to shower you with kisses everywhere. Literally, everywhere !!

He can and will send death glares at disrespectful men that keeps checking you out; you don't need to worry about creepy men from now on. (Rosi drinks his respect women juice !! )

Both marines, you don't have much freetime so Rosi usually buys a dozen of books to give you whenever he sees one that he thinks you'll like; it's his way to remind you that he loves you and also because he loves the way your eyes shine everytime you learn something new.

If you're both not busy though, he'll take you out on nice picnic dates !!

You tried doing a pottery date but that ended up horribly as he kept accidentally smashing his creations and kept slipping on the clay.

Rosinante absolutely adores you and your flaws; he forever will and no one could ever replace you ─ same goes to you for him.

[ Runups : Sabo )If Rosinante doesn't pair well with you.) ]

i...i think i went too far ?? i'm sorry i just love this dork alot.

sorry if Rosinante isn't the most compatible with you, although this is only my take on who would balance well with you.

note; not proofread ! sorry for any grammatical errors.

[theowriteswhatever]

Zuko Story With No Title Part 12

“Guys! Guys! We have to go see this play!” Sokka and Suki came running up to us with a poster that had a few familiar faces on it. We all perked up as Sokka began to excitedly explain that it was a play based off of our adventures. 

I immediately didn’t want to go. I didn’t really want to relive everything we had gone through and if they were accurate about my part of the story, I would have to explain a few things afterwards. They still had no idea I saved Zuko’s life in the North Pole, or that I got to know him as Leeane in Ba Sing Se, or that I kissed him in the catacombs, or that I’ve kissed him multiple times since then. This could be really bad.

“It’s settled then! We’re going!” I heard Sokka declare at which I immediately panicked. I didn’t say anything or let anyone catch on to how I really felt, but I sat there fearing for what would happen tonight.

At one point later that day, I decided to pull Katara aside and confess. If anyone would be pissed off at me after the play, it would be her.

“What is it?” She asked worriedly. I braced myself for the word vomit that was about to come out of my mouth and just decided to rip it off like a bandaid.

“So you remember when I would dress weird in Ba Sing Se?” She nodded slowly like it was a dumb question. Which it probably was. “Well the truth is that I was visiting the tea shop that Zuko and Iroh worked at dressed as someone else.” I said, bracing myself for a lecture.

“Why would you do that?” She asked, but surprisingly she didn’t sound angry. Just bewildered.

“At first I just wanted to go to a regular tea shop, but then I saw them. Zuko and I got to talking and I learned he just needed a friend so I decided to be one for him.” She smiled slightly at my statement which was not the answer that I expected.

“That was sweet of you. But why are you telling me now?” 

“Because I didn’t want you to be mad in case it was in the play tonight.” I admitted sheepishly. She laughed a little bit and this was going so well that it kinda scared me.

“I wouldn’t be mad at you for that.” She said with a chuckle. “It’s fine, (Y/N). Don’t worry about it.” She assured me before walking away to join the group. 

It wasn’t long before we had to go to see the play. I was still extremely nervous about what would happen and Zuko could tell. Since we were walking in the back of the group, he could grab my hand without anyone noticing. He looked down at me and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze at which I returned a small nervous smile.

We eventually made it to the building and sat at the back of the theatre so no one could see us. Toph and Sokka sat on either side of Katara, much to Aang’s dismay. Suki sat next to Sokka and Zuko, Aang, and I sat in the back row. The second we sat down, the curtain raised. 

Katara’s character was crying, Sokka’s character was laughing, and my character just sat there.

“Sokka, my only brother! We constantly roam these icy South Pole seas, and yet never do we find anything fulfilling!” Katara’s actress said solemnly with the back of her right hand held dramatically to her forehead. “And (Y/N), my closest friend, aren’t you tired of this same routine? But don’t worry! I have hope for a better future for all of us! Together!”

Toph and Sokka laughed, but Sokka’s expression immediately dropped when his joke started to make “inaccurate” jokes about his hunger. The audience loved it, but I could tell he was highly offended. I mean, this was obviously dramaticized. What else did we expect? They really shouldn’t take it so seriously.

“I will just sit here and do nothing as I am too afraid to give my opinion.” The actress playing me said. “I would hate to ever offend anyone so I simply won’t speak.” 

That bitch! Screw dramaticized. This was. . .harassment! I would have some serious words with the writer after this. 

And it only got worse. They made fun of Zuko by saying honor every other word which seemed kinda accurate to me honestly. Half of Sokka’s lines were about food. Katara only cried about hope. And Aang was a freaking girl. And my character just stood there. Like literally just watched things happen. 

We had gotten past me saving Zuko in the North Pole just fine, no one seemed too upset. And at least Toph loved her character when he was introduced. And everyone was quiet and understanding through Leeane’s part. They were a little surprised, but not too bad. But then it came to the catacombs. My character sat there alone just like I remembered until Zuko’s character rolled into the scene. 

“Oh Zuko! If only I would actually voice an opinion, then I would admit my dying love for you!” My character yelled dramatically which drew gasps from the crowd.

“(Y/N), I can’t believe you lied to me! But I forgive you, because I love you too!” The characters then kissed and all our friends turned to look at us. Except Toph who looked a little too far to the left. They then saw our hands touching and Sokka literally gasped. We quickly let go and scooted away from each other, but it was too late. Sokka pointed at me and then at Zuko and then at me and then at Zuko until Katara eventually had to slap his hand down. Aang leaned over to Zuko and whispered “Is it true?” to which Zuko responded “I’ll tell you later.” 

The play continued and once we finally got to intermission, we immediately went to the lobby. Aang had stormed off due to character Katara calling him a little brother and Katara went after him to make sure he was ok. Sokka and Suki snuck backstage to give character Sokka some pointers. And it was just Toph, Zuko, and I.

“It was time the secret was out anyways.” Toph said out of the blue. We both looked at her and she shrugged. “I can feel when you guys kiss, you know?” She asked us.

We looked at each other awkwardly before I eventually decided that we had to say something. “Well thanks for keeping it a secret, Toph.” I said shyly. 

Soon enough Katara came storming in and grabbed my wrist to drag me with her to the bathroom. “What is it?” 

“Aang kissed me!” She yelled angrily. My eyes went wide and I had no idea what to say. “I told him I wasn’t sure if I liked him like that and then he kissed me!” She paused and waited for me to give her a response. “Well?” She demanded an answer out of me.

“I’m sorry that happened.” Is all I could think of to say.

“And even worse, my best friend got a boyfriend and didn’t tell me!” She said as she crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. And he wasn’t my boyfriend back then.”

“But you kissed, didn’t you?” I sheepishly nodded and she grunted in annoyance. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“We weren’t ready for you guys to know yet.” I admitted. I was literally fearing for my life at his point.

“You should always tell your best friend. That’s what they’re there for!” 

“I’m sorry. I’ll start telling you about this stuff when it happens.” I conceded.

“Good! And you will tell me everything I missed when we get back to camp, agreed?” She aggressively asked. I nodded and she nodded once to confirm. She then grabbed me again and dragged me back out to the lobby where Sokka and Aang were supposedly asking Zuko about us. 

“Zuko!” She yelled, probably too loud considering we were trying to stay undercover. She stomped over to him and he looked just as scared as I did. She let go and I hid behind her so he couldn’t look at me to save him. “You’re cool and we’re friends now, but you hurt (Y/N), and I will not have forgiveness or mercy. Even Aang will not be able to stop me, capiche?” He nodded quickly with fear and everyone laughed a little bit before she turned to look at them. Once she made eye contact, they shut up and nodded too. She then humphed and walked back into the theater. 

The rest of the play went well, except for Katara sending Zuko the stink-eye every time our characters came remotely close to each other. 

By the end of the night, the moment had passed and Katara was back to her happy self. But from the feel of Zuko’s sweaty hand, he was still incredibly scared. I wouldn’t be surprised if he flinched every time she came close to him for weeks. 

@vintageroses1014516 @aphrodites-perfume @akariblue @leslieanahid @expecto-patroni @shephard17895 @sweet-dolans @duh-dobrik @rintheemolion

[dafukdidiwatch]

I’m actually pissed that this is a decent movie.

<A lot of spoilers>

Overview: Arctic Researchers/Scientists stumble on Nazis who live in the center of the earth who have survived by replacing their dying tissue for living ones in a bid for immortality.

And in order for me to talk about this film, I have to talk about this:

Fucking Sky Sharks.

I hate that movie.

I hate it So Much.

I bought it from a Walmart for $10 so what a waste of movie.

The first like, 10 minutes was the movie dragging on showing everyone in the plane in the worst way possible. An old swedish man watching shitty CGI sci-fi porn. A weird gang turn priest man which I for sure might have been the main character but had the weirdest backstory that goes no where and does nothing. Some drunk guy wanting to flirt with a stewardess and the joke is that she wasn’t a super model 20 something. So after going On and ON THEN the sharks come in to show how epic they are.

And they also suck ass. I couldn’t give a shit about the CGI this is a movie about nazi sky sharks I walked in not expecting quality.

Oh yeah, Nazi’s. Forgot to mention the Nazis. Because, you know, they made the sharks. And are also zombies who rose again to take over the world. And our first look is a female blond haired officer killing people in the longest and dullest way possible. Like, there is only so many ways you can decapicate a bunch of people with wires.

After that, move into the “plot” with random ass girl #1 and random ass girl #2 where girl #1 is also in the Antarctic (shocker) and finds a boat, goes in by herself without help/backup, finds out the zombies are not only in there, but also shark tanks because this is where they were raising the sharks.

So to recap: In the COLD NEGATIVE FROSTBITING SNOW COVERED DREADNAUGHT the nazis are not only alive and NOT freezing, but the great white sharks are also alive and NOT freezing. You can say bs science, I say bs movie.

Oh and you know what the sharks feed on?

Misogyny.

God this movie hates women so much. First, multiple porn shots/sexual harassment jokes on just the plane alone (again, first 10 minutes). Then the “sexy” female zombie commander because that’s what was in the Nazi Military: Women. Not saying shit about history or anything, just saying that I know a fetish when I see one. And the Random Ass Girl #1? The reason why she was at the boat in the first place is because she was on a solo rescue mission to help some researchers who found the boat. A Guy and A Girl. The Guy was like, killed normally or shot or something I couldn’t give a shit about. The Girl was stripped naked, hung upside-down by her foot, bare naked ass shown to us, as she is fed to the shark tank.

Yeah, real women friendly.

It also doesn’t help that when Random Ass Girl #1 gets stabbed with, I guess zombie venom for ReAsOnS, she has a shower scene where it shows her being affected and poisoned under her skin....but also how Hot she is by having it shot on her boobs, check, body stretching and curling to show ALL of her body. While under a show that’s in the middle of the fucking room like it’s Hannibal Lector’s bathroom.

And you that that would be the reason I hate this movie but it isn’t dammit. The movie was dull as hell. I’m only talking about the Misogyny for so long because it was the only thing that was actually worth mentioning. I didn’t give a shit about anything else!

The acting is bad and just monotone across the board. Apparently RAG#1 and #2 are like, rich spies from a super rich family corporation which took me a full as 20 minutes to realize. And they have no idea how the fuck to plot a movie! Finding out the sky sharks were because of Dear Old Granddad, results in THREE! SEPERATE! FLASHBACKS! EACH MORE BORING THAN THE LAST!!! I have no idea how you made working with NAZIS dull as shit but this movie found a way. Instead of having the history set in the beginning of nazis doing shit as a teaser to explain later, he just tells his fucking life story of how making Sky Sharks would save the Third Reich. And I Couldn’t Give A Shit.

It got so dull and bored that I literally fast forward through the entire movie to find interesting parts. Spoiler: there was none. Not even with more sharks like eating the world could it entertain me. I just fast forwarded to the very end, and only watched 30 minutes of a 90 minute movie. God I hate Sky Sharks.

So WHY am I bringing it up? Well, it really did set expectations and a bar for Nazis at the Center of the Earth. They both have rediculous titles that you can’t take seriously or expect “great things” from. They both deal with nazis, zombie-ish nazis, genetic research, scientists in the Arctic, and Nazi’s hiding in the Arctic. That is a lot, and I just watched Sky Sharks like 2 weeks before so this was very recent and absolutely in my head.

Which is WHY this movie was a very pleasant surprise.

We start with seeing Nazis doing action pact Nazi shit escaping for science! It even has that Wilhelm scream, but the movie has plot and vision. It didn’t make the nazis seem any more than being just army soldierd and has decent action and sets expectation for the rest of the movie.

And that’s like the big difference between this and Sky Sharks: The Treatment of the Nazis. The nazis here were treated, in my view, as powerful and dangerous. They are meticulous, uncaring, cold and distant. The head Nazi is actually Dr. Mengele, he is in this movie, and he is just so apathetic to everyone.

All the Nazi’s faces were covered in mask so you couldn’t see their faces, making them inhuman. And the first Nazi face we do see is Dr. Mengele as he just, slowly cuts the face off of a person. Methodically. Meticulously. He doesn’t even talk, doesn’t react as the person begs. Just does it. And was going to do it to the girl as well but because she kept talking science, he allowed her to live.

But it was close.

In the beginning it feels like two different movies because it cuts from two researchers who got kidnapped by Nazis surviving their own horror movie trying to escape, and the rest of the researchers being in a Survival Rescue Movie trying to find them. I honestly wanted to see more of the Nazi part because that was the more engaging section. It was filmed, framed, shot as a tense horror movie, where you don’t know if she will live or die.

I also want to approve of the lack of misogyny. Like, first, the Nazis are equal treatment terrible to everyone. They shot one of the researchers who wandered in because he was Jewish. (”I’m non-practicing” lol love that line). Second, the scenes that they did were filmed in a way to highlight the horror but not the sexiness of it. The guy and girl strapped to the table, they are both naked. We don’t see the whole naked body, just enough to establish it while censoring the rest. You see Dr. Mengele looking over them, but there isn’t sign of lust. He is viewing them both as just experiments (which also adds to the horror aspect but I digress). One of the girls ends up being thrown to the Nazi Officers to be raped and killed, but we don’t see that. She doesn’t have a shirt, but it isn’t films as a “sexy” moment, the camera doesn’t move or linger on her body. It is just a straight shot, where she tries to cover herself up. When they close in on her, crawling towards her, the camera focuses more on their approach than on her while at a distance. This is scary, but it isn’t sexualized. Which I approve and is a WAY PLUS from Sky Sharks.

This movie has an odd budget too. There is a lot of CGI. And it isn’t good. Not at all. It works to show things happening like CGI tanks...CGI snow/ice. CGI Robots and lasers. They don’t hide it at all. But then, they also have amazing makeup budget because the “ripping face scene” was amazing physical effects it looked so real. The Nazis are obviously frankenstein stitched up monsters, but they are well done in makeup and design. Like all the close up shit is amazing to look at.

Overall: It was an Alright Movie. Yes, there is plot. There is tension. There is fear trying to survive with the nazi. Bad CGI, and a bit campy at the end, but nothing to detract from the actual movie. It was a fun movie.