#but that song is genuinely just boring and creepy so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chelseeebe · 11 months

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promise.

eddie knows about covering bruises and pretending to be fine all too well. but can he save the one woman he thinks he’s ever loved?

a/n: ok i’ve been a bit shit the last few weeks and this is genuinely the only thing i could conjure up but forewarning, it is sad and it does mention some pretty heavy topics that i know aren’t for everyone so i completely understand if u don’t want to read! my adhd riddled brain has already started a part two which does have a happy ending

title based on promise - ben howard i just thought it was a really lovely song and fits well with part two

read part two here.

18+. mdni! mentions of domestic violence, not explicitly described but the injuries are there and it is referred to multiple times throughout (eddie is not the perpetrator). smut. v much hurt/no comfort but not for long.

⋆˙⟡♡⟡⋆˙

eddie is positively wrecked.

who would have ever guessed working in a shoddy, run-down bar would be so fucking tiring?

graham had said that if he picked up a few shifts at the hideout a week, then corroded coffin could play once a month. a guaranteed slot and he got paid? this was like heaven to him.

he just hadn’t expected the little bar to be so exhausting. he supposes that his lack of work experience and the fact he was used to doing sweet fuck all most of the time was to blame. that’s not his fault. not really. after finally graduating high school a year or so ago, he just hadn’t found any work in the tiny town.

on one particularly boring mid-week shift, eddie’s sat behind the bar doodling on the back of an old receipt, tapping his foot along to the kiss tune playing on the stereo. wouldn’t be his first choice but he’s not complaining.

‘you coming for a smoke?’ you exclaim suddenly, causing his head to jolt up, running the biro over his shitty drawing, ruining it completely.

‘uh.. then who would be on the bar?’ he utters, quickly hiding the doodle before you could judge it. not that he thinks you would, but just in case.

‘eddie, it’s dead,’ you say flatly, looking around at the empty tables.

truth be told, he hadn’t seen another soul bar from you and graham since he’d arrived which was odd for a thursday. assuming that the usual bums that lined the dusty old stools were otherwise engaged today. that or they just hadn’t been paid yet.

‘oh.. yeah, okay,’ he nods, hopping down from the stool and grabbing his jacket. you’re already gone, bounding off down the hall to the fire exit you all used for smoke breaks.

eddie’s still fairly new and very rarely got invited on the group breaks. which was fine, he just wished that you’d all take it in turns so that he could smoke too. he gets it though, like he talks enough but yet not enough to really make friends with any of you.

you’re leaning back against the brick wall, cigarette hanging from your lips, ‘you got a lighter?’

it’s not like he’d been staring or thought about it that much, but he’d noticed how breathtakingly beautiful you were on his second shift. okay, maybe that’s a lie. he’d thought about it a lot. but anyway, he’d been utterly in awe at the way you handled the drunks, brushed off their creepy comments and stood your ground no matter how angry or persistent they were being. he admired that and just wished that he had even a smidgen of the confidence you had.

he fumbles in his pocket for the lighter, clumsily handing it over before getting his own pack out. it feels wrong to look you in the eye, god that sounded pathetic. you were older, far cooler than he was and positively stunning. if he remembers correctly, you must’ve been a couple grades above him at school but had left long before he graduated.

‘thanks,’ passing the lighter back to him, fingers ever so slightly brushing against his. it’s like electricity sparks through his veins.

he really needs to get a grip.

‘you enjoyin’ it here?’ you ask, eyes intimidating as they bore into his.

‘it’s okay.. tiring though,’ he shrugs, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact despite his inability to look pretty girls in the eye.

‘yeah.. you’ll get used to it,’ you chuckle, the smoke flowing out of your lips perfectly. he’s so pathetically down bad for you and you have literally no idea.

‘how long have you worked here?’ longing to keep the conversation flowing.

‘shit.. too long,’ chuckling as you take another drag. eddie could listen to that sound all day. ‘i think i was eighteen when i started so..’ pretending to count on your fingers, ‘six years?’

eddie blows the air out of cheeks, he’s probably be in a similar position if he’d have just graduated when he was supposed to so he can’t exactly pass judgement.

‘i think we went to school together, i mean, you were a couple grades above me but i remember you,’ hoping that that didn’t sound as creepy out loud like it did in his head.

‘oh shit, really?’ your eyes narrow, trying to place him though it’s obviously not going to happen, ‘i don’t remember you.. i’m so sorry,’ playfully hitting his arm.

the connection is enough to keep his delusions going for at least another month.

‘it’s fine, didn’t think you would,’ not many people did to be honest. he tosses his cigarette into the overflowing makeshift ashtray, waiting for you to lead the way back inside.

‘hey, it was a long time ago, i’m old now!’ you joke, walking back through the dim hall back to the bar. he tries his hardest not to let his gaze slip to you ass but he swears it’s only for a second.

the bar’s still dead, the stereo now blaring out some madonna tune he hated.

‘ugh.. turn this one off,’ he mutters, mostly to himself as he repositions himself back on his perch.

‘what?’

‘i hate this song.’

your jaw drops in faux-offence, ‘i made this mixtape you asshole,’ going to shove him off of the stool, ‘i can’t believe you can’t drop the cool guy act for one second to appreciate some madonna,’ laughing as you start collecting glasses.

his frown turns into an immediate grin, begging for your forgiveness as he starts to bop his head along to the beat. it’s not like anyone would see him and hell, even if they did, he didn’t care. not if it made you smile.

‘holy fuck, you been fightin’ with the door again?’ james remarks, pulling eddie’s eyes from his paper to spot you rushing into the bar.

your head is ducked, flashing the older man your middle finger, disappearing into the back before eddie can properly get a glimpse of your face.

but he knows.

there’d been a handful of times that you’d come in wearing a massive sweater instead of your usual low-cut tops and when you reached for something high up, the sleeve would reveal just enough for him to see the dark blue marks on your wrist.

he’d never been sure, not until now. but his stomach drops the second his brain puts two and two together.

ditching the paper and that asshole james behind the bar to slink off into the back, approaching the tiny staff room with the upmost caution. it’d never be wise to start throwing accusations around but he’s not stupid. eddie had watching his mom go through the exact same shit for years. knew all the tricks in the book to cover up bruises, cried his heart out every time his mom went back to his asshole dad.

only god knows how many times he’d planned out his fathers death. anger brimming in his tiny body the second he heard raised voices.

he knocks gently on the door, watching as you hurriedly wipe the makeup onto your eye. it’s not doing much, in fact, it’s not doing anything at all. the purple shining through undeniably.

‘you okay?’ practically whispering as he enters the room, knocking the door shut behind him. james’ comment had meant that this obviously wasn’t the first time you’d come into work with such horrid markings.

you sigh, giving up on attempting to cover it, slamming the metallic compact back into your locker. ‘i’m okay.. i’m fine,’ refusing to turn and face him.

you’re obviously not okay and it hurts eddie to know that there’s absolutely nothing he can do to help. instead, he takes a seat on the communal bench, if nothing else, he’d lend his ear for whatever story you wanted to tell him.

‘what happened?’ he dares to ask, not expecting to know the truth but it felt better than silence.

you sniff, closing your locker and finally facing him head on. there’s pain and guilt wracked all over your face, ‘i’m just.. clumsy,’ shoulders slumping, ‘i tripped..’

‘clumsy?’

you were anything but. eddie had watched you balance trays full of glasses without spilling a single drop. maybe other people bought your story but he didn’t. he couldn’t.

there’s a short silence and eddie shuffles, patting the empty space beside him, ‘you don’t have to lie to me.’ he swallows his anger, lets it rest in his stomach for a later date. there’s no doubt that if he got the opportunity, he’d kill the asshole that did this to you.

you swallow, reluctantly perching on the bench, ‘why are you even asking when you already know?’ not quite meeting his eyes, staring off somewhere into the distance.

‘i don’t know.. didn’t wanna pressure you..’ he’s familiar with the whole routine. the denial from his mother had broken his heart at such a young age even though he wasn’t stupid.

you blink, meeting his eyes for the first time, ‘he didn’t mean to.. was my fault,’ wiping the back of your hand against your sodden cheeks.

even hearing the words makes him inexplicably frustrated. not with you of course, but with the fact that you can’t see how much you don’t deserve that.

‘i don’t think you could do anything to deserve that,’ motioning towards your blackened eye. he’s not going to push it but he needs you to know that he’s here and would quite happily wrap his hands around that bastards neck.

‘you know.. my dad used to hit my mom,’ swallowing the large lump that had gathered in his throat, but finds enough strength to continue, ‘she was the nicest lady in the world.. she didn’t deserve that and neither do you,’ licking his suddenly parched lips. it wasn’t an easy topic then and it certainly isn’t now.

he’s not particularly ever open about what happened to his mom but if it convinced you even a tiny bit to leave him, it’d be worth it.

there’s a beat, followed by a muffled sniff but you’re nodding, staring down at the grimy tiles rather than his face. eddie reckons that he’d be overstepping his mark if he did what he wanted and leant over to hug you. so he doesn’t. putting a sympathetic hand on your shoulder instead.

‘you’re an angel, you know that?’ the hints of a smile creeping onto your lips.

‘yeah i know,’ he scoffs, bashing his shoulder into yours, only gently.

‘shut up,’ knocking him straight back.

you get up from the bench, puffing your cheeks out as you take one last look into the mirror.

it’s a gut-wrenching, awful sight and god forbid eddie has to ever see you like that again.

perhaps rather naively, eddie assumes everything is fine for the next few weeks.

understandably, you’re a bit subdued for a few days but you do revert back to your usual bubbly self come friday evening. no more bruises, no more groaning when you change the keg and absolutely zero mention of your wretched boyfriend.

so when he pulls into his gravel driveway one gloomy saturday night, he’s aghast to see you perched on his trailer steps. blinking through his headlights, soaked through from the rain with a busted lip and a torn shirt to match.

he near enough launches himself from his van, rushing over to your hunched over frame. damn near falling over his feet to get to you.

‘what the hell happened?’

you stand, clinging onto your poorly packed rucksack, ‘i.. i didn’t know where else to go,’ utterly defeated, any traces of life drained from your face.

he doesn’t say another word, bundling you into the trailer, slamming the lights on to get a proper look of you. his hands firmly on your drenched shoulders as he examines your injuries. your lip is cracked, the blood had wept from the cut and dried on your chin.

it’s awful. knocks him sick just to see you like this. your cheeks are stained with a mixture of rain and he presumes tears, hair hanging limp around your beautiful face.

‘what happened?’ he says softly, studying your face. he notices the small gash on your forehead, using everything within himself not to storm out of that door in a murderous rage.

your mouth opens but no words come out. it’s not as if he can’t put two and two together, he just doesn’t understand how it got to this point after last week.

‘it’s okay.. c’mon let’s get you out of these clothes,’ he blinks, collecting himself before taking your sopping wet bag. the clothes had all suffered in the downpour, damp and unwearable.

so he leads you into his cramped room, hastily rummaging through his drawers for something you can wear.

it’s a little self-indulgent and completely the wrong time but his heart flutters when you reappear out of the bathroom sporting his tee and a pair of old gym shorts. now showered and without the blood stains on your face, it’s a welcome sight.

‘better?’ he offers, though he knows a shower could never really help.

you nod, pulling the sleeves down over your hands. it’s so adorable and eddie seriously has to fight his compulsion to just pull you into his arms. he knows there’s no way he can protect you from everything but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

‘you want a drink? beer?’

your eyes light up, a minuscule smirk appearing on your battered lips. he’s sure wayne would understand why he came home to a non-existent six pack. the berating would be worth it to see you smile again.

he collapses onto the couch next to you, beer in hand as he watches you slowly relax. delighted that he could offer a safe space for you, even if it did come with some very complicated feelings.

that night, admittedly very creepily, he watches as you sleep. terrified to fall asleep in his makeshift bed on the floor in case you needed him.

at some point in the last two weeks, eddie had gone from sleeping on the floor to sleeping in his bed next to you. you’d told him it was far too cold for him on the floor and he should just get in. which he did, with great pleasure. there was nothing to it of course, but a few times he’d woken up to your leg entangled with his or your face pressed against his back.

everything had just got a whole lot more comfortable. rides to work, cooking for one another and some shared looks that he’d been unable to put his finger on. not wanting to believe they had any deeper meaning but at the same time, he knew that that wasn’t how friends looked at each other.

it’s a rare night you both have off, sat in the trailer watching halloween, neither of you really interested in what’s going on on the screen. there’s an inexplicable tension in the air tonight, you’re quieter than usual which eddie doesn’t like.

‘you okay?’ he dares to ask. he’d felt a little overbearing those first few days, constantly checking on you to make sure you were okay.

‘hmm? oh, i’m okay,’ setting your bottle of beer on the table, ending up much closer to him when you sit back.

‘you sure? you’re quiet,’ keen not to let on that he was absolutely buzzing about your close proximity.

‘just thinking.’

‘about?’

you let out a soft breath, twisting around to look at him fully. the only times he’d been this close to you were in bed where he laid and listened to your soft snores and when you’d been covered in injuries. neither one were exceptionally great circumstances.

‘you,’ you blink up at him, smiling just enough to make his heart skip a beat.

‘me?’ he can’t decipher whether that’s a good thing or not.

‘mhm.’

‘what about me?’

you don’t respond for what feels like an eternity but your gaze lowers, glancing at his lips and back to his eyes. if he weren’t staring directly into your bright eyes, he’d have missed it.

‘i really want to kiss you,’ you say, so brazenly that eddie’s not quite sure if he’s heard you correctly, almost sputtering on his breath as the words process.

‘you.. you wanna kiss me?’ trying hard not to sound so astounded. pretty girls didn’t want to kiss eddie, not like this.

you nod, ‘can i?’

there are stars in his eyes, blood pumping around his limbs at an alarming rate. his head is fuzzy and if he weren’t sitting, he’d probably have fainted.

‘please,’ he chokes, desperately forcing the word out before it becomes impossible.

your palms are soft as they caress his cheek, wishing that he’d shaved before this had unfolded. his heartbeat stutters, bubbling with anticipation as you lean in, gentle lips locking onto his as his eyes flutter shut.

this is it. he’d dreamt of kissing you for weeks, practiced on his hand an embarrassing amount of times and yet still nothing could’ve prepared him for how earth shattering this felt. his heart is practically jumping out of his chest and he’s sure you can feel it thumping against yours.

it’s as if fate had bought the two of you together, moving against each other in perfect harmony. if he died tomorrow, he’d die a happy man.

your hand creeps down onto his chest, holding yourself upright as you shift onto your knees. do you want to have sex with him? is this actually happening? his fingertips vibrate as they connect with your waist, like you weren’t even real and just a figment of his overactive imagination.

the second your lips part from his, he wants to cry, pull you back in and never let go. the absence of contact makes him whine, opening his eyes to see yours gazing back, they look different. different to how you’ve ever looked at him before, full of something unspeakable.

‘do you want to?’ you ask quietly into the minimal space between you.

eddie wants to so bad, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. nodding hurriedly to let you know just how eager he is. there’s not a chance in hell he’d let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

your lips twitch into a smile at his permission, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt.

but before you get any further, the trailer door clicks open and wayne is stood in the doorway, pizza box in hand accompanying his unimpressed scowl. ‘okay well, i think that’s enough of that,’ he grumbles, shuffling into the trailer as you climb off eddie’s lap, back into your own spot.

‘sorry wayne.. i didn’t know you were back so early,’ his cheeks burning, bashful as ever. it wasn’t enough for wayne to walk in on that but he was always now straining against his jeans, trying desperately to hide the tent while you reshuffle, pulling your shorts back down to a more appropriate length.

‘yeah yeah whatever,’ his uncle shakes his head, trundling over to the couch and tossing the box onto the cluttered coffee table, ‘move over boy, i wanna watch my programme,’ collapsing into the empty seat beside his nephew with a deep, guttural sigh.

the two of you share a sly smirk, tuning in to whatever shit wayne had put on without saying another word. stifling your laughter with a piece of pizza as eddie tries and fails to discretely pull a pillow onto his lap.

it’s hours later when you both crawl into bed and eddie has checked five times that wayne’s actually asleep before he gets to kiss you again.

bundled up under the covers when you pull him on top of you, your face gloriously basked in the bright moonlight shining in. it’s breathtaking.

‘you want to?’ you ask again, as if his answer had changed in those few hours.

he nods, his curls brushing fall down and brush against your cheek, ‘have you.. before?’ you ask cautiously. he’s not offended, even if he should be.

he has had sex before. only twice. when ellen had first joined hellfire, they had sorta had a year long fling which had ended after they had sex and ellen realised that maybe she didn’t actually like men. that was a super boost to his confidence. and then at senior prom when tina took great pity on him and somehow they ended up having sex in the back of his van.

he nods anyway, granted he’s not the most experienced but he’ll sure as hell try.

‘good,’ you smile, warm thighs wrapping around his torso as you reconnect your lips. it’s soft, gentle even. world’s apart from his previous encounters. this felt real, like you weren’t just kissing because you had to but because you wanted to.

it’s too cold in the trailer to care about removing your clothes, though he’s sure that’ll change in a minute. focussing on getting his tongue inside of your mouth, rutting against your pajama shorts. the friction causing his already semi-hard dick to rise, unable to contain the moan from escaping.

a smirk flashes across his face as his hand drags your shorts down your legs, savouring every moment of being able to touch your bare, supple skin. his hand makes its way back up your legs, repositioning the one he could grasp back around his lower back.

he has trouble getting his boxers down, too excited to focus on being smooth about it. appreciating the feel of your hand tugging the fabric down. you’re barely kissing at this point, your lips connecting with the corner of his mouth, all messy as the anticipation takes over.

‘you sure?’ he asks, gazing down at you with hooded eyes. he could just about remember what to do. sending a quick prayer upstairs to not let him be utterly useless.

‘i’m sure,’ you breathe, the feel of your fingers tangled into the hair that covered the back of his neck.

‘okay..’ he nods, mostly to himself as he wraps a head around his cock, positioning himself at your entrance. taking a brief moment to just capture this moment in preparation of it never happening again.

the pleasure overcomes his body as he slides in, already almost losing himself as he fills you up. a soft moan escapes your lips, gripping onto his neck. he is acutely aware that his uncle is asleep on the other side of the old trailer so he muffles his face into your neck, lips connecting with your jaw bone, kissing any and every bit of skin exposed to him.

sex had never felt like this before. at best, it had felt slightly better than when he jerked off, but this was something else. eddie knows it’s cliche and is definitely only because you feel so fucking good around him, but it’s as if you were made for each other.

hands pressed into the pillow so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if there were a permanent dent either side of your head. using everything within himself not to start hollering, eyes fluttering shut against your neck. he moves in and out at an agonisingly slow pace. the small room filling with the sounds of your soaking wet cunt. its undeniable to anyone with ears and he just hopes to god that wayne is still asleep.

his own low groans vibrating against your cheek, mouth hanging open as his thrusts grow faster. you’re panting softly directly into his ear, spurring him on. despite the feel of your perfect cunt around him, the best feeling is knowing that he’s making you feel good.

‘h-holy shit,’ he mumbles nonsensically into the crook of your neck, not allowing himself to come for air because he know that the second he looks at your face, he’ll cum.

your one hand is splayed out on his upper back, the other holding onto his sweaty neck beneath his mop of hair. whining his name into his ear, driving him into a frenzy with the sound of your breathy voice, desire rippling through your moans. he should tell you to be quiet but that’d be cruel and he’d rather take the shame of wayne knowing than not hearing you.

your legs shift higher the position allowing him to reach the golden spot, nudging the soft, spongy spot over and over. eddie figures you’re far more experienced than he is. with no offence meant to you but you obviously know what works. this is new territory for him, a closeness that he’d never known possible.

you’re engulfing him completely, every single one of his senses encompassed by you. you’re all he can see even with his eyes screwed shut, all he can hear, taste and smell. god knows you’re all he can feel, calves squeezing around his back and your perfect pussy tightening around him.

he groans, feeling his stomach begin to twist in that all too familiar feeling. orgasms had never felt so good, it’s like everything was dialled up to level ten. ‘i’m gonna.. shit- i’m gonna come,’ he babbles far too loudly.

every noise tumbling out of your mouth was pulling him closer, no record could ever come close to the sweet mewls that were slipping between your lips. his arms begin to tremble under his own weight. feeling your legs quivering around his waist as your orgasm begins to overtake your body, sinful noises echoing around the otherwise quiet trailer.

‘ohh fuck,’ he growls, feeling your walls clenching around him, it was like he’d been pushed over the edge. the only way he can begin to describe it was otherworldly, flashes of white light illuminate his eyelids.

images of your face accompany your honeyed whimpers and he has to pull out before he explodes. spurts of his release cover his hand and admittedly the back of your thigh. if he had any semblance of control, he’d have been embarrassed but he’s not exactly sure that he’s still on planet earth.

he dares to open his eyes, watching as your chest heaves below him clinging onto his forearm with desperate fingertips. you’re looking up at him as if he’s the only person you’d ever seen. mouth slack as you regain your breath.

‘jesus christ,’ he whispers, hand resting on your angled knee as he floats back down to your planet.

eddie clambers off of the bed with a grunt, wiping a hand over his sweaty face. reaching down to grab his previously discarded towel. it wasn’t the epitome of romance but he darent to leave his room, petrified that wayne had just heard that entire encounter.

he’s a gentleman, of course, running the towel over your thigh to clean his mess. offering you a tiny shrug as if to say sorry. rather suddenly he feels rather conscious of himself, refusing to look at you as his cheeks flame.

it’s ridiculous. he’d just been buried between your legs and yet now couldn’t even look you in the fucking eyes.

before he gets up again, your hand reaches out, curling around his t-shirt. ‘stop,’ using his shirt as leverage for you to sit up.

in one quick movement, you’re placing a tiny onto his lips. a reassurance he really shouldn’t have needed but he appreciates nonetheless.

‘don’t do that,’ you hush, millimetres from his face, the shadow of his broken blinds shine upon your cheek. it hurts him to know that someone would dare look at you and want to hurt you.

if it were possible, he’d take all of your pain and carry it with him instead.

‘okay..’ he nods, resisting the urge to apologise once again.

you giggle and it sounds like the heavens have opened, pulling his body on top of yours as his bed makes an almighty squeak. if wayne wasn’t already awake, he certainly would be now.

eddie doesn’t know where the fuck you are.

you hadn’t come back to the trailer after work last night and now you’re nowhere to be found. you were supposed to start half an hour ago but hadn’t turned up and now his heart is pounding, mind racing at the horrific possibilities of what could’ve happened.

at first, he’d thought maybe he said something wrong? he’d just thrown out the suggestion of going to get the rest of your things and moving them in here while you got back on your feet. he hadn’t meant to push you out, god no, that was the last thing he wanted.

maybe stupidly he had presumed you wanted your own space. whatever the hell was going on between you two was so fresh, he didn’t want to even chance fucking it up.

the guilt wracks his brain, tempted to drop everything to drive around this tiny town looking for you. he’s so stupid. should’ve just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed it while you were there.

he’s just about to tell james that he’s leaving when the door to the bar opens and a rough looking man comes through with you held tightly underneath his arm. your eyes avoiding his direction, staring at the floor as the mystery man ushers you towards the back, making himself comfortable at the bar.

eddie’s heart shatters into a million pieces, watching open mouthed as you disappear into the back.

judging by the look on james’ face, he recognises him, reluctantly pouring his beer as they engage in useless small talk.

‘thought i’d better sit in for her shift.. wouldn’t want her running off again,’ the man announces, beady eyes glaring right into his soul.

eddie knows who he is. he’d never seen him before but he could tell. they all had that sinister aura about them, like they could flip at any given moment. his dad was the same, walking on egg shells around him just in case he said the wrong thing or looked at him the wrong way.

you emerge from the staff room, still vehemently avoiding eye contact, a shell of the you he saw just yesterday. ‘hey.. you okay?’ eddie asks, but it falls flat as you walk off without so much as a look back towards him.

he can’t believe it, how you could be so different so quickly. as if the past few weeks you’d spent together had meant nothing. he can’t blame you. not really. it’s a cycle and he knows better than anyone that it takes a thousand attempts to actually break out of it.

his shoulders slump as he rushes out the back, refusing to look at that assholes face any longer. willing himself to get a grip and not jump over that bar to strangle the piece of shit right now.

a hand clamps down on his shoulder and for a brief moment he thinks he might be you until james clears his throat, shuffling on his feet behind him, ‘you can’t save her man,’ squeezing his shoulder firmly, ‘you think we haven’t tried?’

eddie sniffs, shrugging him off. he didn’t appreciate the patronising tone in which james was speaking to him.

because god knows, if he couldn’t save his mom, there’s no fucking chance he’s not saving you.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things x you #eddie munson x female reader smut

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r0tt1ngv4mpyr · 4 months

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MAXLEY HEADCANONS!

(REQUESTS OPEN)

//TW FOR SH//

MY MAX HEADCANONS:

•is hispanic

•has vitiligo on his hands and a bit on his face and wears gloves and foundation to cover it up

•has autism/adhd

•used to sh that's why he started skating is to not think about stuff as much

•is trans (ftm)

• has a skinny hourglass body by the hates it because it makes him look less masculine

•listens to more rock and metal but in general listens to mostly all genres (except slow songs, jazz, classical, country)

•has snakebites, septum, stretched gauges on his ears , and industrial piercings and a bell button piercing 😻 (also has a wolf cut)

•bi (pref male

MY BRADLEY HEADCANONS:

•is half american half italian

•he has freckles

•has ocd/anger issues

•loves black coffee with a little milk

•finds max's piercings hot

•would never get a piercing himself (scared of needles, doesn't think they look good on him, and his dad would never let him)

•has fluffy middle parted hair that was cut short but grew out to a shorter mullet

•religious trauma and daddy issues

•gay (mlm)

MY MAXLEY HEADCANONS:

•when they make out bradley puts his hands on max's waist/hips and sometimes he puts one hand on his waist/hips and grabs max's hair

•bradley was max's first time

•max will pick up random creepy ass bugs and bradley will be like "put. that. down."

•bradley is like 6,1 and towers over the 5,5 max

•max is very touch starved but isn't very used to touch (said in a headcanon earlier) and will do anything to get any affection from bradley but is really nervous when he gets it then just kinda melts

•definitely have some sort of history but max forgot and bradley didn't (maybe like childhood friends or smth)

•both unironically love the song "romance is boring" by los campesinos

•max loves horror movies and bradley hates them (they still watch them together tho)

•max says the most out of pocket shit and bradley just stares at him with his head tilted like "wtf?-"

OTHER PEOPLES HEADCANONS I LIKE (credits are included)

•bradley needs glasses bc he is nearsighted but doesn't wear them bc it takes away his cool - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•bradleys mother died making his coexistence with his father uncomfortable, he does not hate his father, in fact he loves him but he does not know how to be and live with him, he does not want to admit it - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•bradley's father is his weak point, he became conceited and rude as a way of defending his father's expectations - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•he likes Britney Spears' music and has records but hides them from the - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•Bradley is a law student, he was forced to go there because of his father but he still likes it a little - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•he has a masculine image but his hygiene care makes his friends tell him that he is feminine, he uses lip balm because he doesn't like having dry lips - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok

•When Bradley was in Middle school he used to wear baggy overalls has messy hair and wearer braces - @h4z3l_quits on tiktok

•Bradley used to be a kind and loyal kid! But when he got adopted by a rich family he started getting rude bc he was “spoiled” and he was raised to be perfect that’s why he’s competitive - @h4z3l_quits on tiktok

•max actually likes Bradley genuinely and just pretends that he likes roxanne and like tries desperately to get Bradley’s attention so he gets jelly - @chrys_linn on tiktok

•max is left handed so bradley is on his left side when he gets the chance just to see if one day they'll hold hands - @somnusgallery on tiktok

•max likes to play with Bradley's hair and Bradley gets embarrassed and ends up blushing every single time - @cassie_m328 on tiktok

•Max is ALWAYS bruised and patched up due to trying extreme shit with his skate and Bradley being the meticulous guy he is always brings stuff to patch Max up - @crowking.jpg on tiktok

•Max and Rox broke up due to them being young and immature and Max is mostly over it but he does feel he's not relationship material or isn't fully on board with one afterwards but THEN HE MEETS BRAD - @crowking.jpg on tiktok

•Max may be shorter but the moment he rizzes Brad up Brad loses his MIND like man's weak AF for Max's smooth ahh attitude - @crowking.jpg on tiktok

•Brad loosens up around Max overtime and let's go of his fragile masculinity and embraces open queerness and things he limited himself away from - @crowking.jpg on tiktok

•Brad and Max bring out the best in each other due to their competitive nature and ambition for improvement - @crowking.jpg on tiktok

#maxley #max goof #bradley uppercrust iii #foryou #headcanons #boy love #sorry this is cringe

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kisses4suna · 2 years

Note

can you please give me some really soft suna bf headcannons !!!! i love ur works btw ur my fav suna writerr ahh

SUNA RINTAROU BF HEADCANNONS !

☆ featuring. suna rintarou

☆ a/n. OMFG. anon im so sorry this took me so fkn long to answer. im slowly starting to finish requests people have sent in months ago. i love this idea sm tho!! im so sorry again; i literally deleted tumblr and finally got it backk ill be finishing more requests soon and posting drafts, then during the summer ill post WAY MORE FREQUENTLY. (so be prepared for sm more suna content guys ;))

ps. i might make a p2 for post timeskip suna too so lmk if you’d want that !!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

PRE-TIMESKIP BF SUNA

- suna mfing rintarou will raise your standards to heaven bro. even if he’s only in highschool

- his face will be so deadpanned and neutral but the minute he sees you he grows that small smile that he hopes nobody sees

- he talks about you like crazy to his sister but doesn’t even realize it

- “did you see her new insta post? shes so pretty bro how tf did i pull her”

- “i miss my gf rn”

- “hey do you think y/n would want something like this?”

- his sister loves you, but is so tired of her brother constantly talking about you

- he would choose you over anybody, and anything. even over his airpods. which says a lot for suna

- will literally do anything to spend time with you. he will drop as much as he could on his schedule for you. he just genuinely wants you to be with him all the time. (he’s so clingy its cute but he hates admitting how attached he is to you hes like a lil koala bear hanging onto his branch)

- without you even knowing he signed you up to be a manager for his volleyball team just so you could spend time with him at his practice

- this mf so obsessed with you he got hit in the face with a volleyball because he was too busy looking at you instead of paying attention to the actual practice

- he will ‘go to the bathroom’ during practice just to sneak off underneath the bleachers to give you a quick kiss and talk to you.

- suna isn’t dumb he’s actually really smart just very lazy, so if you were in advanced classes he would literally get his grade up, request a transfer to your advanced classes, just so he could spend more time with you there

- plus he loves seeing you seem so smart and focused he thinks you look so cute like that ^^

- he unfollowed every girl on his socials besides you and his sister

- he has a whole instagram highlight dedicated for you and its filled with over 20 stories of you and him together or sometimes just pictures of how beautiful you are.

- his insta bio has your initial with a heart, and says “i love my gf” just for fan girls to back off

- his photo album is way worse. he organized his whole camera roll and has a full album of you which takes up half his storage, but who cares, he doesn’t mind having to delete games he downloaded cause he was bored ( especially if its for you )

- in his notes app he has every little detail about you written down, not in a creepy way, just to remember important stuff about you. like what you hate in people, your fav stuff, etc.

- he dedicates every long song to you.

- also hes like very touchy in private, i mean in public he is too, BUT IN PRIVATE. oh my. he is not afraid to cling onto you.. you will literally have to claw him off you if you have to use the bathroom while your cuddling

- he’s only like that because he loves you so much and he’s so attached to you, he just wants to stay with you forever because he cant imagine losing you

- he asks his mom if he can sleep over at your house as much as he could, the days he can’t, you either go to him, or he facetimes you and you both end up falling asleep on the phone.

- everytime he goes to the mall with his friends or something, he will ask them every 3 seconds “do you think y/n would want this ?” he really just wants to spoil you to show you how much he loves and appreciates you

- sometimes he sleeps late at night rewatching his volleyball games and analyzing his plays, so he bought you a sleeing mask and earplugs so you could fall asleep without the sound or light of the tv bothering your slumber

- he loves being in between your thighs, your fingers tangled in his hair while you both watch tv.

- but at night he loves burrying his face in the crook of your neck with one armed wrapped around your waist and the other placed diagonally on your back while his hand covers the back of your head, almost looking like hes protecting it.

- you’ve genuinely helped him become a better version of himself, when he’s with you he’s at his best, which is probably why he loves you so much. because when he’s with you it feels like he’s just at peace, he just falls in love with you even more everyday.

- he hates thinking your love is puppy love and it wouldn’t last, and some nights when he’s not with you, he’ll overthink like crazy, really just wondering why someone as perfect as you hasn’t left him yet, or why are you even with him in the first place ?

- little does he know, he means as much as you mean to him, and you don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon.

#kisses4suna #haikyuu #asks and replies #suna rintarou #suna fluff #suna rintaro x reader #suna x y/n #suna x reader #bf!suna #suna headcanons #haikyuu!!#sunarin #sunarin fluff #boyfriend!suna #anime #haikyuu suna #suna rintarou x y/n

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nightlyrequiem · 14 days

Note

You fed us 💗Hyper-fem × Valeria💗 (ty sm <3 ily) Now, would you mind sparing some

🩸Creepy-Goth × Valeria🩸?

AHHH I love the gothic subculture. I wanted to be goth when I was younger, but I was both too poor to buy any clothes and not crafty enough to make or alter my own. I also couldn't get into the music 😔

I'm not sure if you wanted a one-shot or headcanons but I feel headcanons will be best to cover everything!

Will forever have a place in my heart though <3

Valeria with a Goth S/O

A goth in a small town with a very warm climate is very uncommon. In all her thirty-eight years of living Valeria had never seen a goth person IRL. You were in such an odd place too. Well, not odd for normal-dressed dressed people. Seeing you in your long black flowing skirt with your layered black tops and tangles of jewelry caught her a little off guard. Even your makeup seemed unusual. White face with exaggerated eyeliner and contour, black lipstick. And you were just in a coffee shop ordering a coffee.

She approached you, because of course she did, she couldn't just not see what was going on. You were sat at a table by yourself with your laptop. Valeria's first ever words to you were "It's not Halloween yet." She thought it was funny, but you just gave her a singular bored look and went right back to ignoring her. You've heard it all.

Valeria eventually introduced herself like a normal person and asked genuine questions. You were so eloquent and poetic with your words. Using romantic language to explain your hobbies and interests to her.

It didn't take long for Valeria to snatch you up. She did her best to court you. Listened to all the songs and watched the movies you recommended her so she could have conversations about them with you. She even brought you 'animal' bones to add to your collection. Watching your eyes light up made her day.

Most people are weirded out when they find out you're into taxidermy and collecting bones. Why would you do that? That's so weird. You are unstable. Blah blah blah. Valeria didn't seem to mind though. Sometimes she'd even tag along when you went out in search of dead things. She'd even bring you roadkill, how romantic.

Your home is filled with cleaned bones, taxidermized animals, and dried plants. You were very proud to tell her that you cleaned some of the bones yourself. Which devolved into you explaining the process. A bucket filled with water, let it soak, add peroxide, get a toothbrush and carefully clean off any remaining skin or fur. Valeria admired how passionate you were about this.

Other people would've been weirded out. You've been compared to Leatherface and Ed Gein. It always saddened you that people couldn't see the beauty of it'. You were giving a dead thing a new purpose.

Valeria LOVED watching you get ready. Sometimes you'd have hauntingly beautiful music playing in the background or a horror movie. For obvious reasons, Valeria really liked that you weren't all that frightened about blood and gore.

Also, I definitely believe that Valeria has let you goth her up at least once. (And I think she secretly enjoyed it.)

Anyway, back to what I was saying, she likes to watch you get ready. Watching you tease and hairspray your hair was relaxing for her. Corsets, big boots, collard, ruffled blouses, long skirts. Your fingers always clad in chunky rings with bats or spiders or dark gems. Valeria proudly accompanies you in public, showing you off. Or so she thinks. You're really just running mundane errands.

Sometimes you'll say something odd or off-putting. Other people will give you weird looks but not Valeria. She adores how your mind works. She also loves how knowledgeable about bugs and spiders you are. She personally will kill spiders, but she's watched you pick up the non-venomous ones bare handed to either look at them closer or to release them. (I'm heavily projecting here because I love spiders. My favorite is the Goliath Bird Eating Spider, which lives in the rainforest areas of South America.)

She killed one in front of you and found out very fast that you did not like that. She wonders how you'd react to finding out she kills people too. With all the horror movies and books you read she'd think that you would be fine with that. You're very open and passionate about your world views though and Valeria knows you probably wouldn't be.

Like I said, you live in a warmer climate. Las Almas, Mexico to be exact. The scorching sun and all black, heavy clothes don't mix well. Valeria has taken up to carrying around icepacks and bottles of water. She also gifted you an umbrella to keep yourself shaded under1. Black of course. The canopy tapers into the outer ribs like a bat's wing.

Valeria likes it when you plan dates. It sounds cliche but you often set up dusk time picnics in the local cemetery. You're very respectful about the dead. Not trampling over the graves. Picnicking there isn't that bad anyway because the dead are probably happy to get some visitors.

Valeria loves you and all your quirks.

#valeria garza #cod mw2 #valeria garza x reader

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scribble-brain-aced · 10 months

Text

more sans au headcanons because if i do not share them, i mayhaps will explode into a million pieces

• i once broke my school computer (stay with me here) and the inside of it smelled like chemicals. like nail polish remove, but more hospital. that’s what the anti-void smells like, and by extension, error.

• getting the feeling that Killer is a bit obsessive with who he likes. like, he won’t straight-up stalk them because he knows that’s apparently terrifying for the victim, and he doesn’t want that. but he WILL watch them really carefully, hang out with them as much as possible, and probably write a list about them. generally, really toeing the line between ‘okay’ and ‘kinda creepy’.

• Dream and Nightmare have synesthesia. Dream can see emotions, Nightmare can taste and smell them. (Although, he thinks it’s weird, so he doesn’t talk about it at all.)

• dust is from a Handplates AU, Killer was homeless until 18, and Horror is part of Gaster’s split brain if you’ve seen Matpat’s theory.

• nightmare has about a million ways to pass the time because as a kid, he had like no social contact whatsoever, and instead read a lot, screamed into a forest, pondered the meaning of life, and made up several conspiracy theories. because he was bored.

• yknow how the Gang is portrayed in this awesome gothic castle/mansion? well, the Stars are permanently broke. they literally just share a tiny little hobbit-hole house in the omega timeline.

• Nightmare stole a money-printer from the government in a Mafiatale AU. that’s how he’s so rich.

• also Killer somehow got everyone to name it Jasper. like, if Dust ran out of money, Horror will just tell him “go talk to Jasper.” and everyone just accepts it.

• cross and epic have a thing where if either of them say the word corn, they chant the corn thing from Slimesccle. they have no clue where it came from.

• error, nightmare, cross, epic, and chino have started the Fresh Hate Club.

• Nightmare somehow keeps getting mistaken for Satan. He doesn’t know how. (and it definitely does not bring his already-low self esteem down.) But if there’s a satanic cult nearby, he won’t correct them, in case they can be useful.

• You know how gods have a ‘true form’ that’s ineffable to mortals? all of Reapertale, Ink, and Error. Reaper’s gonna teach Ink and Error how to access their true forms. Dream once saw Ink’s true form and fucking sobbed because he could barely handle it. he’s not a mortal, so he’ll live, but he can barely comprehend it.

• (inspired by The Stupid Chair on ao3). the gang has The Stupid Hat. it’s a horrible bright yellow neon construction hard hat that gets duct-taped to someone’s head if they’re dumb enough to make an easy mission complicated. ex, if Dust provokes the Stars into a fight during a supply run, he gets the hat.

• ccino is a licensed therapist, but he is still depressed

• dream and nightmare have a lot of insecurity around the auras they emit. ‘do they genuinely like me, or do they like my aura?’ ‘does my aura make them feel that negative? do they wish i weren’t here?’

• cross and killer impulsively started a band. They made the instrumentals for half of a song and that’s it. nothing else. they forgot to actually do stuff.

• Dust gets really nervous around medical, scientific places, and doesn’t trust any doctors or scientists except for Sci. but he still refuses to take anything from him, whether it be a shot, or a lollipop. he’s just not having it.

• killer sleeps on the floor because sleeping in a bed still feels strange to him. he also keeps the windows open because he used to sleep in the cold. gets really anxious about the price of something, money in general, so even if he can afford something, he just steals it.

• horror will get random flashbacks of the Core, or Gaster, and he’s not sure why, but on the rare occasion he meets a Gaster, he always ends up feeling “fake” afterwards. like he’s not supposed to be here, not supposed to do this.

#error sans #nightmare sans #ccino sans #dust sans #killer sans #horror sans #dream sans #ink sans #reaper sans #cross sans #science sans #epic sans #sans au headcanons #utmv headcanons #undertale headcanons

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whothehellisoli · 8 months

Text

ok, alastor thought/theory dump:

i think HIS magic is the green. i see why it could by the color of his deal but the chain he had on husk was green and based off valentino and angel it’s safe to assume the chain color is the overlords. i think all green magic is his.

however when his eyes go all radio dial creepy they turn black, which, in my opinion, shows his soul isn’t his when he’s using his powers, similar to how angel only has one black eye because valentino only owns his soul in the studio.

it’s honestly a confusing mix, when he uses his powers his soul isn’t his, but they are HIS powers. so i think it’s most likely he sold his soul to make it easier to gain power on his own. he’s not stupid, if he got power through a deal the deal maker now has an element of control over his power. so he cuts corners, and with the help of presumably lilith, becomes more and more powerful.

if the deal was the source of his power he wouldn’t say that getting out of it will let him “pull the strings.” he wouldn’t even WANT out of it, his only motivation that we are certain of atm is power and control, and yes his deal takes his control but if it gives him his power losing that would take BOTH.

i think a crucial bit of information were missing is when did this deal happen and how does husk know. (and why didn’t alastor kill him but that’s vaguely explainable)

was it when he first got down? young and dumb and selling his soul, which would explain how he made such a big splash so quick? or was it seven years ago? gaining power at the expense of leaving hell with lilith to do god knows what?

i think it’s far more likely to have been when he first got to hell, and lilith was able to exercise her control over him to get him to leave with her. obviously his place in the hotel isn’t because he’s bored, that’s been made clear several times. so why?

it’s possible it’s part of his deal with lilith but she’s still such a mystery i don’t think it’s safe to say anything about her. alastor said in ep 7 that charlie was powerful, being on her side was a good bet, and he could mold her. based on that and his presumably genuine interest in everyone, i think he’s choosing to be there. it’s chess, moves and counter moves, etc. he stays at the hotel and he isn’t lying when he calls it his latest project. he’s just lying about why. he saw naive charlie on tv and knew she would welcome him in, hence his evil little grin. that’s HIS choice, not liliths.

now, for his monologue in the tower. i’m going to be working off the idea everything in the song was an intentional decision and not made for the sake of sounding good.

“this place reeks of death, there’s a chill in the air” that seems like filler, painting the scenery, but i don’t think so. i think it’s meant to show he cares about the hotel and the people in it. he can physically FEEL the tragedy affecting him. he might not be as distraught about it as someone else, but he does care.

“i barley escaped being KILLED by a hair” he put emphasis of killed while singing, that’s the key take away. he almost died. he’s coming to terms with the limit of his power and it’s driving him insane. and i think it’s important to note that… he kinda, didn’t? almost die? his microphone broke (which does show power far greater that him) and he got thrown against the wall. that’s hardly enough to kill someone. he’s been untouchable most if not all of his time in hell, so this fight was a brutal reminder he IS vulnerable. he told adam he though he was tougher than him. tougher that the first ever soul and someone only lucifer was able to take down. his ego definitely got killed but i think this line shows he’s never really processed the idea of losing.

“‘alastor altruist died for his friends’” if you watch with captions you can see that line is in quotation marks. someone else is saying that, meaning he thinks the general perception of what happened will be that his reason for almost dying is to save the people in the hotel. but that’s just the words, next step is his facial expression. his eyes are wide and darting around, he’s gripping his face, he’s TERRIFIED. love is a weakness, he’s not just feeling weak (which IS part of why he’s spiraling), he’s being perceived as weak, which is so much worse. he’s losing his control and needs it back, leading to:

“sorry to disappoint, that is not how this ends.” there’s a couple things with this line. the Vs and other overlords will be disappointed because he’s not dead and his “friends” (his word, not mine, but i think it fits) will be disappointed he’s not willing to die for them like they maybe assumed he did. “not how this ends” is obvious, he didn’t die, so his rein didn’t end. but pulling back to his desperation in this scene, he’s angry, his latest power grab isn’t working out, but it will.

“i’m hungry for freedom like never before, the constraints of my deal surely have a back door ” again with the desperation, the fear, not sure if mania is the right word but it’s what comes to mind. he’s scrambling. but at the same time, how did his deal almost make him die?? he wants out of it, hence why i said i doubt it gives him his powers, so it must in some way limit his powers? but why would he make a deal that hinders him? again, this is why i think when he first got to hell he sold his soul to make it easier to gain his own power. but in some way his power isn’t HIS. it still is on a leash.

“once i figure out how to unclip my wings, guess who will be pulling all the strings” is showing us how he is still very VERY much power driven, and will stop at nothing to get control. he may be bound now, but in season two i think we’re gonna see a lot of him trying various means to break deals. i doubt he will be the big boss at the end of the season, but he’s playing his own game, and he is CRACKING. he’ll be violent, have an even quicker temper, charlie is going to try to help him but he’ll refuse. his mouth is sewn shut, so he can’t say WHY he’s so upset, but everyone will know something is wrong.

good GOD that was long

TLDR: “i think when he first got to hell he sold his soul to make it easier to gain his own power. but in some way his power isn’t HIS. it still is on a leash.”

#hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin spoilers #hazbin lilith #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin alastor theory

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umbrarkzoo · 1 year

Text

work was slow so i wrote a short story about my human au with a prompt requested by my friend- she wanted to see puppet and lefty kind of reconciling/getting along

“I’m really mad at you”

“I know.”

“I have frequent thoughts about hurting you.”

“I know.”

“You don't even have to be doing anything, your existence just fills me with rage.”

“I kn-”

“You know. And you do nothing about it. You never do anything.”

“I don't.”

There was a long pause, and upon realizing her cage was not going to retaliate, the woman loudly groaned in annoyance. God he was such a pain in the ass. Never did anything except blink once in a while, or play his stupid songs to “calm her down”. Well she wasnt calm! Who could be calm after being kidnapped? Much less in the company of such a boring person.

Okay in his defense hes not realy himself is he Mari? She thought to herself

I dont give a fuck whatever he is - his company SUCKS

….

It sucks so bad im arguing with myself just for some entertainment. God screw this guy.

Maybe he knew she was in a bad mood and thats why he let her out - “just for a couple minutes” he said…

“You make very strong facial expressions when you’re thinking. I wonder what youre thinking about?” The man said, his yellow eye tearing into the empty black voids she called her eyes.

oh now he wants to talk.

…

“I was thinking about how much you need to work on your staring problem, you look stupid….and creepy.” She responded- baring her sharp teeth at him.

“It’s a requirement of my job.” He responded, emotionless.

“To look like a fucking creep?”

“Well that… I guess… and to look after you. Always” He paused, as though in thought. “Especially after all those stunts you’ve pulled in the past.” He sounded a little annoyed. Interesting…

“Yeah well - sorry but im not about to make your job easier when it comes at the expenses OF MY OWN FUCKING FREE WILL” she yelled into his ear - just to once again get no reaction.

“You’ll get it back.” The man responded as though his ears and head were not ringing currently.

“The time we spend together is only temporary, maybe one day you'll look back on this experience and find it was somewhat enjoyable? Just relax a bit…. For both of our sake. “

The woman was about to yell at him again for his ridiculous and very delusional suggestion, but decided she should spare her already raspy voice from more abuse. Silent treatment it was if he wanted to be an ass.

His brow furrowed just slightly at her unusual reaction - or lack of.

“Well if it makes you that uncomfortable, I'll focus my eyes on other things from time to time. No promises if you make another escape attempt though.”

Still silence.

“I’ll give you more time out of the “cage” too?”

Silence.

“Okay that was messed up to say-”

“RAAAAAAAGHHHHHH CAN YOU EVER JUST SAY SOMETHING USEFUL” she betrayed her poor vocal chords but jesus this guy can never just-

Okay no, you need to calm down mari. Be calm. He is your captor- he is unpredictable. One minute hes a literal blank piece of paper and the next he starts acting like he has a personality-You know that. Hes never genuine so dont give in. Dont get angry, maybe he wants that. Be calm. Be caaaalm.

“Ahem…” she paused. “Nevermind. Maybe its better that you stay mute.”

The man blinked.

“Oh so thats why youre mad. Ive been keeping you in the dark haven’t i?”

….

“Yeah. literally too.”

Okay did he smile a little just now or am i going insane-

“Well…” He started. “I suppose I could make your experience less boring by answering some questions. Just as long as you dont tell the Security Puppet or Mr. Emily-”

“Tell me about mr. emily please!” She wasted no time. There was something about that man in particular, something off. She felt so hurt whenever she saw him even though she had no idea who he was.

“I.. Please tell me. Im not gonna say anything. Hes your boss right?”

The man looked to his side briefly, as though he was pondering something.

“You could say that.”

“And hes the reason why im here right? Hes the one who asked for me to be here?”

“Well, he didn't really know about this whole… situation… until recently. The Security Puppet. That stripped lady. Shes the one who wanted you from the start. For Henry.”

“Oh….his name is Henry Emily?” She looked to the floor.

“Why does that sound…so familiar?” she whispered

If she had looked up, she would have noticed the very noticeable expression of discomfort that plastered itself on the larger man. He was in a great conflict with himself whether he should tell this woman everything or stick to what he was created to do.

He ultimately stuck to the latter and remained silent.

Screw finding answers right now, her heart started hurting. Why did she feel like she wanted to cry? She needed a distraction. If this guy saw her crying - he’d probably use it against her…

————

“Okay and that bitch who stole my look then. She created you?”

What a comment. He almost wanted to laugh. But he had to stay stoic…

“Yes,” A pause. “She is indeed the bitch who created me.” Well he could break a little bit of character one in a while. He deserved to treat himself at least a little.

And now he wanted to laugh even harder seeing the surprised face on the small woman. He deserves a raise for how much composure he has really.. That is, if he was even getting paid in the first place.

“Okay then….” she furrowed her brows at him. “So if I was to extract revenge on everybody whoose ever wronged me.. She would be a perfect target then, right?”

Okay now he was really starting to like this girl. If only he could drop his persona and offer to help her.

“Well she did kill me for the sole purpose of capturing you.” He internally smirked at her gasp of horror, “disemboweled me and did cruel experiments on my body for this mission. Im pretty sure Im going to get incinerated after I’ve completed this job too,” He said nonchalantly to the look of horror and rage that was forming on the womans face. If he couldn't hurt SP himself, he could at least give this captee more encouragement to do it for him, “All of this was her idea anyway, so I suppose that yes, she would be an ideal target. Though you didn't hear that from me.”

—————

Wtf….oh god no wonder this guys so weird- hes just like me!! And that BITCH shes just like william! William….. Oh that name…

——————

Her raged expression calmed itself, to the disappointment of the large man. Maybe it was immature but he was somewhat hoping shed explode right then and there and make him take her to the security puppet where he could witness a good show…. maybe join in if the brainwashing fully went away….

“You poor thing….” now her expression was turning somber. “You poor, poor man…” Tears began to form in her eyes.

Okay he wasnt expecting this….should he have kept his mouth shut?

Her shoulders started to shake and he could hear faint whimpers as she tried to control her emotions. She curled into a ball before him and started shaking back and forth.

….yeah he should have just kept his mouth shut.

“Theyre still doing this to us…” She muffled as her hands covered her face, “it must have hurt you so much… what she did to you…what they did to us,.....”

“Ummm” How was he supposed to approach this….. he didnt know she could cry.

“..how many more deaths will it take for this nightmare to end” She cried out. “DAMN HER!! DAMN THEM ALL!!!” her sobbing became louder

He really did not know what to do right now- wow this took a sudden turn.

“My friends, my family… I lost them all because of monsters like her….”

“Im lost now you know. My brother…Fred…he’s not here to guide me anymore…That green man burnt them all”

OH.

“And im just a shell of myself now… I dont think Ill ever be able to leave it…. I lost them.. I think it was ‘99? What year is it anymore…”

“2017.” he blurted out, almost immediately regretting it.

“Oh.”

It was a rhetorical question wasn't it?

—————

The shock she was in distracted her from her pain at least. She just layed there, exhausted from her outburst, staring at the night sky before her.

She just kept breaking her promises to herself. Now this man knew her vulnerabilities. And honestly, she didnt care anymore.

She didnt want to be paranoid. She didnt want to be angry. Not at him, not at Security Puppet, not at ….henry, not even at william. She was so tired of feeling. Numbness was all she wanted.

————

The man just sat next to her and looked up with her. It was a beautiful night. They could forget what just transpired for now, for both their sake. She was embarrassed in a way, but he didnt seem to hold anything against her.

I dont think he’s all that capable of judging me anyway.

A long time had passed, the woman's tears subsiding, though her messy makeup marked her pain for all to see.

They sat in silence for the next couple of hours, until the man spoke up.

“Miss?”

She hummed in acknowledgement.

“What do you want me to call you if not Ch- if not that other name.”

….

“Just call me Puppet for now.”

Another minute of silence.

“And what should I call you?” She asked.

It was about time they both introduced themselves properly anyway.

“.....Lefty” He responded rather sheepishly.

…..

“Lefty?”

“Yeah?”

“You have a really stupid name.”

Away from her vision, he grinned at the sparkling sky.

“I know.”

#Me dumb au #Theyre not entirely friends but they wouldn’t consider each other enemies :]#Sorry for grammar issues lol i wrote this in one sitting and i dont feel like editing x-x #btw its obivous something bad happened to lefty since hes a literal walking cage-#What triggered maris reaction was knowing it was security puppet who did that- like theres another william out there

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toasty-self-shipping · 4 months

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I think the sonic.exe mods were cool at first ?? Keyword being "at first" because they got old quick. There are a few mods/songs I still like (RodenTrap as far as mods are concerned because I think the concept of a fake-out/switcheroo mod is interesting) but it so quickly got old. There are so many other sonic-related ideas people can make mods of, but sonic.exe mods saturate the market so much its genuinely infuriating 😭 Like hello?? Sonic is much more than just his creepy pasta version I beg 🙇🏽‍♀️

SEE YOU UNDERSTAND ME

and don’t get me wrong I used to like the sonic .exe mods but they got really boring because people wasn’t being original (literally 90% of the.exe characters are people ocs) then people who make the mods get caught being weird with kids (that’s another story for another day) and they be doing girlfriend and boyfriend so dirty in the mods either girlfriend is in a sexy outfit (obviously for fanservice) and boyfriend is literally his same sprite from the based game LIKE WHY YOU SCARED OF MAKING HIM SEXY🤨

#cough sorry the self shipper came out of me at that last part

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in-newjersey · 8 months

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So here are my thoughts on my first time seeing a live BMC production!

Making this non-rebloggable, I am not a real theater critic and I do not want to draw any attention to this actual cast on an anonymous blog to strangers on the internet

For starters, casting!

I respect the variety going on here and the degree of diverging from famous character appearance-tropes. Tiny Latino Jeremy who's as fit as a gymnast and can (and does) do acrobatic spin kicks sometimes? Love it. Plus-size butch-esque Brooke? 10/10. Genderfuckery long-haired Michael who gesticulates with a huge fan through most conversations? Hell yeah. Pink-haired Nirvana-grunge-style trans guy Jake? Now we're talking. Christine a head taller than Jeremy? Awesome.

I will not get too into describing actual real people on here much more than that but in general it was wonderful to see a wide range of character-actor types inhabiting these roles. As someone involved in The Fandom, even though I have frequently expounded upon the mutability of character traits per the text, you do still absorb a general idea of what the characters "look" like; so it was a fun twist to have literally none of the performers fall into those tropes.

I will also say - and this is not a read - that I am no longer going to assume I'm too old to play any of these characters, because I guess that's the magic of community theater lol

On to Thoughts, which I will loosely group by characters:

Rich was fucking awesome. Like I was impressed by the singing skill across the board, but this guy fucking killed it at every turn. I looked at my friend I went with after The Squip Song and we both were like OH OK. Rich also wore mostly KISS T-shirts? Like the shitty glam rock band? But yknow, work. Excellent voice (if casting were a little more 'stereotypical,' he probably would be an excellent Michael). Emotionally, he was on the more explosive side while SQUIPped, melting toward just charmingly cute once in 'real Rich Goranski' mode.

The aforementioned Jake was an interesting take on the character. Definitely leaned more into the kind of douchey side of things, but did at least at one point seem genuinely into Christine (although the actor was very much leaning into the interpretation 'yeah he has multiple interests and he honestly likes them all in the moment but gets bored quickly, and that includes girlfriends'). Is that kind of shitty? Yes. Is that a realistic take on what a rich popular 17 year old might be like? Also yes. Nirvana-fan Jake was not a concept I thought of before but I was down for it (though I discovered later on the cast instagram page that the guy playing Jake said that his version of Jake thinks Nirvana is a clothing brand which, like, galaxy-brain take lol).

THE SQUIP!!!!! Actually cycled through Keanu Reeves costumes, which I loved. Started out in Bill & Ted, then Matrix, then POINT BREAK of all things, before landing on a pretty-impressive-for-the-budget version of the light-up circuitry priest robe thing from the Broadway style. He had the hair and beard pretty close to present-day Keanu too, which made him both line up with the resemblance and seem significantly older than the other characters; voice-wise, this guy was clearly a skilled baritone, which meant his delivery on some of the more rock-style songs was a bit unusual, but not bad. This SQUIP was suave at the right parts but did NOT shy away from being scary: the 'take me inside you' part with Brooke during Upgrade was staged very menacingly with regards to how he was physically moving around/behind Jeremy. The Play was delightfully sinister, leaning HARD into the SQUIP as literally puppeteering everyone: saying their lines and moving his hands like marionnettes throughout, keeping things very creepy and villainous.

On the topic of the play, the fight choreography kicked ass. Mr. Reyes's ALL THE WAY TO BROADWAY rant was delivered while he yanked Jeremy off the ground by his shirtfront and then threw him furiously across the stage, genuinely concerning and upsetting to watch (especially as the SQUIP was miming the same actions and lines behind him, obviously in control of Reyes's body) (I literally said 'oh fuck' out loud when it happened and got a Look from the presumably-grandma in the row ahead lol). The fight choreography during Two Player Game Reprise was also solid: the guy playing Jeremy was FIT and did a lot of impressive acrobatic kicks and such, and the person playing Michael being a lot taller and larger worked well with letting him like bounce off, lift him up for spin kicks, etc.

And in general, I respected how much this production was willing to let certain moments be dark. The Play in general was pretty horror-movie-climax; I also respected that the costuming did indeed look like so-so high school mockups of a modern zombie movie. But the whole number was eerie, SQUIPPED character movements and voices became unnervingly smooth and robotic, and positioning the SQUIP as the puppetmaster in the middle, literally moving the characters around, just sold the whole thing wonderfully. Very appropriately leaning into the horror part of horror-comedy.

Similarly, Do You Wanna Hang? was scary. AS IT SHOULD BE. My friend who came with me compared it favorably to the car scene in the movie 8th Grade, where you're just On Edge the whole time you're watching. The actress playing Chloe did a good job with it, that's an uncomfortable thing to portray but she went for it and it paid off in the moment.

Chloe and Brooke had a fun dynamic: the styles of the costuming/performers did add some interesting dimensions. Chloe was, as usual, pink and perfect and feminine, head-cheerleader vibes; Brooke was short haired and dressed a lot more masculine. Brooke had a very earnest sense of vulnerability to her, and excellent comedic timing during Do You Wanna Ride and The Smartphone Hour, as well as just the minor background-acting moments. They leaned pretty hard into the 'Chloe will take things just because Brooke wanted them, because she likes that Brooke is always a little jealous of her, and thinks that that's friendship' and, like the portrayal of Jake: is that a shitty thing to do? Yes. Is that a realistic thing teenagers might do, especially poisoned by toxic ideas about femininity and power? Also yes.

Which is a good spot to add, the ensemble was small (4) but they were serving it. The band appeared to be octogenarian church volunteers (oh, yeah, this was at a church??? Wesleyan Methodists, so the cool liberal branch of American Christianity) so I will say that with what they had, they were making it work. It would have been served well by a second keyboardist and/or guitarist to do the trumpet parts (it was drums, bass, guitar, and piano). One of the ensemble members, a tall goth-femme person with hot pink hair, played the role of the theremin by doing the melodies in remarkable and ethereal bel canto. And honestly, work.

Jenna Rolan was fun: could belt for the gods, had some pretty-intense Crazy Eyes thing going on that really sold the comedic moments and made her appropriately frightening as the Final Boss in the squipped battle at the end, styled like an early 2000s-lesbian-coded-soft-goth best friend archetype. No notes, 11/10.

The actor playing Mr. Heere/Reyes/Stockboy did a fantastic job of making those three seem separate, and as I mentioned above, really made Mr. Reyes come to life in a dynamic way. Sidenote, this production changed all references to Hobby Lobby to Michaels, which I found both funny and appropriate. Fuck Hobby Lobby, we all hate Hobby Lobby.

Back to characterizations, Christine was sweet and straightforward. Not as quirky or dynamic as Stephanie or a lot of other actresses make her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Very gentle and smooth voice, she just really likes theater and wants someone to like the real her. They went with ballet-style choreography to introduce her during More Than Survive, which is always a wonderful touch for the way the music swells. There were points where I think a little more creative movement or a wider emotional range might have worked well, but the take on the character was consistent.

I am going to keep that positive thread through the next sections: while I might not have agreed with the interpretation through the text, I do respect going in a starkly different direction to how most productions and fans usually take such things.

I have enormous respect for the performer playing Michael for radically making it their own. The cast bios had pronouns, and Michael's performer was they/she/he, which as a fellow they/she/he who would love to play Michael someday was rad to see. They kept the CREEPS shirt and a hoodie with a lot of patches (albeit a black one with red accents), but that was about it. Michael had light-up cat ear headphones and a huge black fan which he used throughout, alternated between baggy sweatpants or just a floor-length hippy skirt, usually high-heel ankle boots, and some kind of green bathrobe thing for The Pants Song? Characterization, again, respect for making such an iconic character so heavily different. This Michael was not....very emotional. He was usually snippy and sarcastic in a very erudite and matter-of-fact way, at pretty much all points in the show. Not a lot of emotional range going on: this is a Michael who is in some combination of 'doesn't give a shit' and 'not going to let this bother me,' which came off....interesting. The chemistry this created with Jeremy was a starkly different one than we usually see. The original productions - and most since, and the majority of fandom depictions - imagines a Michael and Jeremy who, at their core, love each other a lot. However that manifests of course varies, but you Usually get the impression that (even with a little bit of codependence), these two genuinely love each other and spending time together, which makes moments in the show either heartwarming or devastating to see happen between them.

Not these versions of the characters.

Which didn't make it bad, but it did shake things up. This Michael and Jeremy didn't give deep-love-friendship so much as they gave 'we sat next to each other in 1st grade and don't have other friends. so. I guess we're best friends, huh.'

Which is an INTERESTING and somewhat bleaker, but not unrealistic, take on them. That, sadly, summarizes a lot of friendships, especially at that age and with the sort of vacuum of suburbia on your social sphere (nevermind how a lot of society discourages boys from emotional connection with their friends; if anything, the fact that this Michael was definitely queer might suggest that Jeremy even pulled back emotionally because he didn't want to seem gay or give this Michael the wrong idea). It definitely sells Jeremy feeling lonely, even with his best friend hanging around. Two-Player Game came across a LOT better than I was prepared for - I have waxed about how it's a hard number to pull off - not in spite of, but almost because of this. Like, sure, they've played through this game a million times before, they know every beat, they love it like they love each other, right? even though they seem.....kind of bored. Or at least like they're waiting for something else to happen. College? Girlfriend? Different friends? Just wait two years. Whatever.

To get critical, I will say that this dynamic did not really help Michael in the Bathroom. The fight beforehand and the song itself did.....not really lend themselves to a not-very-emotional friendship between them. The singing was perfect, so not faulting that: it's THE big song of the show, so that's a lot of pressure and the performer had a splendid voice, but the snarky-not-caring-that-much attitude didn't quite do it for me - Michael didn't seem sad or upset so much as pissed off, but still fully keeping it together (despite the lyrics saying otherwise). Tonally, the 'wish I'd offed myself instead' just sounded sarcastic ("wow, SORRY I CARED AT ALL, could've just killed myself for all you seem to care" kind of vibes) THAT SAID, it was consistent with the rest of the characterization, so I admire it as a very specific acting choice. There were also characters on stage - presumably outside the bathroom door, listening in - that turned a good portion of MITB into a comedic number; as I have said before, not my personal take on how that should go, but the audience was laughing along with it! So that's the wonderful mutability of theater.

Strangely enough, this actually made Michael and Jeremy's relationship at the end of the story work out just fine? The SQUIP experience kind of sparked a "wow we really do care about each other, huh" realization from both of them. Again, mad respect for taking such a different approach to such a well-worn character relationship.

So, overall, I am very happy I got to see this. Love to support live theater, love to be surprised by a story that I thought I knew pretty well inside and out, came away with plenty to think and talk about. If you can, go support your local community theater!

#be more chill #soliloquy #michael mell #jeremy heere #christine canigula #jake dillinger #rich goranski #chloe valentine #brooke lohst #jenna rolan #the squip

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a-trick-or-two-with-lepers · 1 year

Text

Ranking My Favorite Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) Songs

Twenty-two songs. Five hours. One helpless, JCS-obsessed tumblr user who has so many other things they could be doing with their time. Get ready!

Disclaimers: I'm going to try to base my ranking on the soundtrack alone, but for some numbers, I really can't separate the song from the visuals. I won't be including "The Crucifixion" or "John 19:41," since those don't really count imo. The former, I will say, has some of my favorite chaos jazz that's ever been produced, so I'll give it that. Also! I LOVE this musical, and I LOVE this movie. Even the lowest songs have made it onto my playlists once or twice. So if I bash your fav, don't be too offended <3

22. Peter’s Denial - This one is really only low on the list because of how short it is. All things considered, I really like that funky little intro. Also, I think Mary, Peter, and whoever that third guy in the scene is with them (John??) would make a good throuple YEAH I SAID IT.

21. Hosanna - I don’t know why I’m putting this one so low, either. It’s very fun and pleasant to listen to, and it’s got some great ensemble work, which is always something I jive with. I guess it’s just not as captivating to me as some of the other songs in this film. I actually like some other versions of this song better than the 1973 one (!!) Nevertheless, this song is genuinely really good and it shows that, hey, Jesus can smile!

20. Then we are Decided - This is the only production of the musical I’m aware of that contains this song. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it’s a great song. I don’t know if ALW+Tim Rice are physically capable of collaboratively making a bad song. Also, I love Bob Bingham and Kurt Yaghjians’ voices, so anytime I get to hear them, I’m happy. On the other hand, I can see why this one was taken out of most productions. It wasn’t in the original concept album, and it kind of breaks up the story. It does provide extra context for Caiaphas’s motivation, but it doesn’t say much that isn’t reiterated in “This Jesus Must Die.” There just really isn’t a place for it in most productions, which is such a shame. At least we got this amazing screengrab out of it. Annas, you creepy little shit, I love you.

19. Pilate’s Dream - It took me far too long to recognize that this is the same song as the second part of “Poor Jerusalem,” which is funny given that they are right next to each other in the movie. I love the acoustic guitar in this one, and Barry Dennen is seriously one of the most subtly expressive actors I’ve seen. You could watch this scene 1,000 times and still be picking up new context on your 1,001st viewing. As far as the song goes, it’s a very nice introduction to Pilate’s character. Also, I think that discordant “Pilate” the chorus sings at the end doesn’t get enough praise.

18. King Herod’s Song - First of all, the way this scene just. 1) Inserts itself into the film 2) Refuses to elaborate 3) Leaves. I love it. I love how uncomfortable Herod’s whisper singing makes me, I love his campy friends, everything about this scene is amazing. It’s an absolute 180 in terms of tone, but I kind of love it for that.

17. I Don’t Know How to Love Him - I find it interesting that the most popular song from this soundtrack is also what many consider to be the most boring. Personally, I find the song very beautiful and fascinating, but I can see why it’s skippable for some. I’m just a massive fan of Yvonne Elliman. I think the only people that have come close to her version are Helen Reddy and Sara Bareilles. Also, I like to read this song as someone rediscovering their own self-worth through love after experiencing trauma from past relationships, which I think is a very relatable struggle.

16. Pilate and Christ - Pilate is just. So sassy. What’s most impressive about this performance is that Barry Dennen considered himself an actor first and a singer second. His acting is certainly spot-on, but his singing is pretty fantastic as well! The tension between Pilate and Jesus in this scene almost rivals that of Jesus and Judas… almost.

15. Overture - An overture is meant to provide the audience with a bit of musical context for what they’re about to hear. This piece does a very good job at that. The electric guitars immediately invoke intrigue- then the horns come in, then the strings and percussion get going, and at this point, any viewer of this film would be hard-pressed not to be at least a little excited. Then the “Heaven on Their Minds” riff starts, and I, for one, was instantly hooked. I especially like the violin bit near the end. The chorus wordlessly mimicking what will be Judas’ sung betrayal is chilling. The whole thing is a beautiful combination of rock music and traditional broadway styling, which is a good description of the rock opera in general.

14. The Arrest - I really like the leitmotif that is used whenever Jesus is overwhelmed by a crowd. It was used with the temple-goers, the lepers, and now with his own people that have turned against him (and some who cautiously maintain their support for him). Also, like Matt Berry said, the “Now we have him, now we’ve got him” bit of the song is pretty bone-chilling.

13. Could We Start Again Please? - I really like this song. I know it wasn’t in the original concept album, but its placement actually makes sense, and Ms. Elliman, naturally, sounds heavenly. The melody of this song is really nice, and it doesn’t sound at all out of place in the movie.

12. What’s the Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying - This is one of those songs that’s hard not to move around to. It’s just so much fun! It also is Jesus’s first physical and vocal appearance, and WOW. Neeley is a truly underrated 70s rock singer. His voice is impeccably strong and gorgeous. He’s somehow been criticized for this role (mostly by angry Catholics) for being too untouchable and emotionless. I just can’t agree with that. Did any of those reviewers even listen to the movie they were watching? Neeley’s far-off gaze is not something he can change, and I for one think it adds to the character. He provides what I think is the best portrayal of Jesus Christ in any production of JCS. Besides that, the ensemble is doing great here, too! I promised not to get too involved in the visuals for this ranking, but I have to mention the movements in this scene. The apostles and women are just so jumpy and full of energy. It really makes the scene fun to watch. And Mary! I’m a long-time fan of Yvonne Elliman, and she was the only person I knew of beforehand going into this film. Her voice is so mature and unique, which is perfect for the role of Mary. She was the initial performer of this role in the concept album, the broadway show, and the film, and it shows. This role belongs to her. Obviously, it’s a bit annoying that we got yet another portrayal of Mary as an ex-sex-worker, but if we got “Strange Thing Mystifying” out of it, I can’t be too mad. Judas really gives off jealous bitch vibes here, but he does make some good points.

11. Everything’s Alright - Oh Yvonne, who allowed you to steal my heart? Seriously, she sounds so, so lovely in this song. This song is so calming. It uses a 5/4 time signature, which gives it distinction. The contrast between the cool comfort of Mary’s voice and the angsty gravel of Judas’ voice is very striking. Both Judas and Jesus hit some insanely difficult belts here, and they do so flawlessly. This scene also expands on the relationship between Judas and Jesus, which is jam-packed with not-entirely-heterosexual intensity. As the chorus repeats the titular line at the end with increasing volume and intensity, we get the distinct impression that everything is, in fact, not alright.

10. The Last Supper - I could go either way on the apostle’s part. It’s good, and it has some good harmonies in the latter parts, and it also reminds me of John Denver somehow? Anyway, the mellow gold aesthetic is one of my favs, but that’s not why I love this song. The absolute release of tension that is the fight between Jesus and Judas is captivating. My head moves as if I’m watching a heated tennis match when these two get going. I’ve seen versions of their interaction that just don’t go well on stage because the parts require so much energy and intensity, and sometimes they have this, but it just doesn’t sound good. But since this is a film, we can be confident that we are seeing and hearing the best takes from the actors. In this version, I can feel the heat between J and J, but they also sound fucking amazing while arguing. Their final interaction tugs at my heart. And these two actors portray their relationship with such authenticity that it’s almost hard to watch any other version without holding this up as the standard. Also, fun fact: they separate at exactly 1 hour into the film.

9. This Jesus Must Die - I have a big crush on both Caiaphas and Annas. Their voices just mesh so well together; Annas has these Al Stewart-like whimsical vocals, and Caiaphas has this deep, sexy growl. (I have a raging hard-on for good bass voices if you couldn’t tell). They sometimes put baritone singers in this role, which just doesn’t really work. This part needs a man who sounds like he just came out of the black lagoon and desperately needs a drink. Along with how it sounds, the lyrics of this song are super clever. The “Jesus is Cool” line is an inside joke in the community- they removed it from many popular productions, which is disappointing as hell. It’s one of the best lines in the song! Anyway, as far as “villain” songs go, this one is top-tier for sure.

8. Damned for all Time/Blood Money - I love me some good Judas angst. But in all seriousness, this song is ridiculously hard to sing. It would be enough with the sheer number of words sung in quick succession, but it is also written in a pretty high register. I, as a female alto, struggle to comfortably reach some of the notes, but Carl Anderson, of course, does it flawlessly. Of course, I’m also obsessed with Caiaphas and Annas, so any song they’re in makes me kick my feet like a schoolgirl. This scene, being the turning point in the show, makes its mark and has impeccable pacing for such a chaotic number.

7. Judas’ Death - Carl Anderson is a performer. I felt everything Judas felt in this scene. His reprise of “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” is impossible to look away from or tune out. When I first watched this scene, I didn’t know Judas was going to reprise the fucking love ballad. My jaw was on the floor the whole time. Other actors sometimes make this part sound ugly and raw, which is fine, but emotion can be portrayed while singing while still sounding good. That’s what really gets me about this version. You can feel the raw emotion, and yet you can’t deny how good the singing is. I also didn’t know Judas was going to straight up hang himself, and that kind of shocked me. To think this movie was rated G back in the day!

6. Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem - Oh man. I’ve gotta be careful here if I want to keep my ranking based on sounds alone, cause this scene is just visually AMAZING. I might make a post about how much I adore this scene- the choreography, the craftsmanship, the absolutely iconic shots, the goofy ass freeze frames- I just love it all so much. The song is nothing to sneeze at, either. It feels like something you’d hear in one of those fun-loving, joyful churches that promote same-sex marriage. Larry Marshall has such a cool voice; you can tell he really put his all into it. Apparently, he initially tried to reign it in so as to respect the source material, but Norman Jewison just told him to go all out. So that’s what he did. It makes for a damn good number. As for “Poor Jerusalem,” I love hearing Ted Neeley’s softer voice. When he reaches into his falsetto, it sends shivers up my spine.

5. The Temple - I love a good ⅞ song. Additionally, I love a good ensemble song. In addition to that addition, I love seeing Jesus go off and flip tables and shit. But that’s not why this one is so high on my list. This song skyrockets up my personal ranking due to what happens between the temple and the leper scenes, when Neeley scream-sings “MY TEMPLE SHOULD BE A HOUSE OF PRAYER, BUT YOU HAVE MADE IT A DEN OF THIEVES! GET OUT! GET OUT!” I get actual chills every time I listen to him do that. I also really like the way the leper scene ramps up musically. It starts off slow and creepy, and ends in a wholly claustrophobic panic-inducing chant. The harmonies are also very pleasing.

4. Trial Before Pilate - This song is a masterclass in rock opera composition. Barry Dennen’s performance is absolutely, without a doubt, the most incredible embodiment of this role that I’ve seen. Pilate’s songs were essentially made for him, because like Ms. Elliman, he was the first to play his respective role. I genuinely don’t know how he was able to perform Pilate night after night on tour, because this role is supremely demanding vocally. You can tell he is a professional, though, because you can’t just scream at the top of your lungs every night without good technique. I could say a lot more about this one, but I’ll save that for another time.

3. Superstar - I really wish the little guitar intro was kept in future versions of this song. (How many times can I talk about guitar intros in this ranking??) This song is SO! MUCH! FUN! I have to take a second to talk about the cinematography in this scene… it’s really something else. It mayyyy have influenced the ranking, just a bit. Nonetheless, it’s Carl Anderson singing, so of course, this song sounds stupendous. He hits those high notes like it’s nothing. Also, I have to say: this number is very clearly directly influenced by motown-style music, and hearing a black man singing it just feels right. In fact, rock as a genre can be traced back to music created and sustained by black folks. It makes sense that my favorite versions of this musical involve diverse casts. Anyway, I really like this song because of how direct it is with its message. It’s not only Judas asking these things of Jesus, but us as the audience. Why would he put himself in such a bad position? How could he let it get this out of hand? Did he lose his message along the way? Contemplative shit like that set to a 70’s disco dance scene has me losing my mind, and I’m absolutely in love with it.

2. Gethsemane - I was considering putting this song lower, both to piss off my discord friends and because I genuinely enjoy listening to other songs from this soundtrack more, but I just had to give it a high-ranking spot. By this point you must be well aware of my love for Ted Neeley and his rock-god voice, but he really, truly steps it up here. It says a lot that he is still able to perform this song at almost 80 years old. He cares about what he’s doing. A lot. And while I’m not religious, some of my favorite music comes from religious people simply because they believe they are singing for something bigger than themselves. I strive to achieve that passion with my own voice and music, and I believe it can be done without a connection to a higher being. You just have to trust your own voice and focus on your message/role, and Mr. Neeley does not fail on this front. All of this, and he hits the g5 note perfectly. He seriously sounds so goddamn amazing and I’m tired of people saying he’s overrated. Give this man the respect he deserves.

1. Heaven on Their Minds - I could gush about Carl Anderson’s performance of this song for hours, and I mean HOURS. Not only does he completely embody the role of Judas, but he sounds damn good while doing it. He combines this gravelly rasp with clean, clear notes, and every belt is perfectly executed. The agonized fade-out at the end is not something that’s really possible on-stage, so I appreciate it all the more in the movie. This was the first song in the musical that I saw in full, and it’s really what started my obsession. Even though HOTM is a nearly perfect musical theater/rock song, it was Mr. Anderson’s performance of it that got to me. To me, he IS Judas whenever he’s on screen. His voice is just… spectacular. Additionally, as an agnostic person, the lyrics in this song really resonate with me. “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” instantly became one of my favorite lines in musical theater upon first listen. Like I said, I could go on and on about this one, so I’ll just go ahead and stop myself here.

FINALLY! DONE! Whoo, that took much longer than expected (probably because I kept getting distracted) but I had a lot of fun making it. Lemme know your thoughts/opinions/insults/threats in the comments/reblogs/tags <3

#jesus christ superstar #jesus christ superstar 1973 #jcs #jesus x judas #musical theater #musicals #song ranking #ranking #text post #opinion

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itsdefinitely · 2 years

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my favorite things in the performance of beetlejuice i saw live

TLDR; this is an unfinished list and i love beetlejuice the musical

- alex brightman being in the show

- literally all of it

- everyone cheers when beej says "Holy crap, a ballad already"

- "Hey guys, ain't it pretty? Look who's back in New York City! Since your live have been super shitty, let's start on, y'know the whole being dead thing."

- "that was an old Scandinavian folk song, i like to think i put my own spin on it"

- all of the transitions between scenes but especially when the graveyard turns into the house and beej says "it's a lot bigger on the inside!" because it was genuinely epic

- when Barbara says "look at these jugs!" beej turns around excited

- "this is what life is, it's just a bunch of Howards and then you die"

- Barbara gets her hand caught on fire i don't know how they did that

- Barbara "you give me the creeps" Beej "you give me a boner!" [pulls out a bone] "that's a femur"

- beej has a whistle during the whole being dead thing pt. 2

- the house retracts during dead mom and lydia stands on an empty stage during the long notes

- Adam gets turned around by beej when Barbara is doing the screams so that Barbara can focus

- a whole choir shows up during beej's soliloquy in fright of their lives

- "don't text in the middle of the night saying 'you up' because-" [pause because he's trying to hold back tears] "-new phone [sing song] whoooooooooooo~ [normal] dis?"

- *throws smoke bomb* "BAM! I'm gone." *jazz hands*

- "The Maitlands, more boring than Brigadoon."

- when beej takes the door down instead of saying "fuck you guys" he says "fuck brigadoon"

- Adam and Barbara with sheets over their heads

- Delia fortnite dancing during no reason

- beej complaining about his mom to lydia

- beej's hair turning purple during the roof scene

- smoke coming out of where beej falls during say my name

- during say my name Barbara learns to throw her voice

- during day-o beej comes out of the table (so proud of him) when lydia says his name

- the lights going dark when the skye goes inside to change to the inside of the house + skye had a flashlight

- during that beautiful sound, after the rip-off joke the actor holds the fake arm in between their legs (cuz no arms obvi) and beej says "that looks like a penis!"

- the pie gets flung out of the door, the actor doesn't even catch it

- i forgot when, but at some point Delia ran into the wall while exiting the stage

- the actor playing otho/Kevin looked like a discount jesus (not making fun of the actor just a thing i noticed that enhanced the character to me)

- "exorcism. death for the dead!"

- during the while being dead thing pt. 4 (good old fashioned wedding) beej's hair turns red

- "it's a green card thing!"

- the entire netherworld scene (especially the chase part)

-what i know now but one guy fell fully over, like they slipped and fell. i dont think anyone noticed but me. i noticed. i see you chorus member that fell.

- the whole life or death scene but specifically Adam's jeopardy podium thing says 'sexy' instead of his name

- "HOLD ON JUST ONE DAMN MINUTE" *everyone cheers*

- during Adam and beej's kiss (#lovewins) beej got REALLY into it

- Barbara slaps Adam and then they both say "Maitlands 2.0" to make sure they're on the same page

- Charles and Adam distracting beej while lydia gets the plan moving during creepy old guy

- beej with the tear away costume and slicked back hair

-the lights changing to pink when they say "i can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright" and the entire on-stage cast singing (including beej he doesn't even use the demon voice)

- beej coming alive, feeling emotions, and then dying in the span of 4-5 minutes (y'know, fair)

- Juno having a smoke machine around her chest and making it seem like she's smoking

- when beej says "this guy knows what im talking about" the third time he starts laughing a lot and saying stuff like "three times!" and breaking the fourth wall while all the other characters stand there confused

-"YOU TRICKED ME but with love" -beej as hes pushed off the stage by juno

- beej riding sandy (the sandworm) and wearing a cowboy hat

- "Look lydia, now we both have dead moms!"

-beej giving Adam his dead mother's leg and saying "you're boring, but you're sexy. own that."

- "maybe I'll find my father." [gasp] "sequel??" *bad imitation of airhorns*

- when beej goes to the netherworld he says "fuck brigadoon" again instead of "tell my story"

- lydia floating during jump in the line- the stage going dark and the deetzes + maitlands being spotlighted in pink in a hug during the last "im home"

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #alex brightman #lydia deetz #barbara maitland #adam maitland #charles deetz #delia deetz #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #i figured it was time to post this #a lot of this stuff isnt groundbreaking #just me pointing out things #definite's ted talks

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showtoonzfan · 2 years

Text

Rewatching Episode 7 of Helluva Boss and it has SO many issues and plot holes that bother me so I’m just going to list them all here from beginning to end. Let me know if I missed any. (Kinda long post so be warned lol)

- There’s a sign that says Imp city is located in the second circle, implying that Viv’s version of hell has seven Rings AND nine circles???

- Loona couldn’t see the words in the spell book to open the portal in episode 6, yet here a bottle simply rolling across a page was enough to open it.

- The IMP gang go back to the human world without a care even though they recently got found out and busted by humans in the recent episode.

- If Moxxie and Millie are such a lovey dovey couple, why did Moxxie decide to take his wife to a restaurant centered around lust?

- If Moxxie knew what restaurant they were going to, why did he plan to sing a romantic love song?

- Blitz gets disgusted by Moxxie and Millie’s make out session, even though he literally watches them have sex.

- Blitz calls Moxxie and Millie’s planned date boring, tries to shove himself into their plans despite Moxxie clearly telling him not to, and goes out to spy on them anyway, despite the previous episode showcasing the two having an emotional epiphany, with Blitz promising he’d be better. He does not, and goes back to being a creepy stalking rude asshole.

- Stolas is alone at his house and they later establish that Stella is living somewhere else since it is stated that Octavia spends certain weekends with her mother, indicating (at the time) that the two divorced or are separated, yet in season 2, Stella is still at the house with the two not divorced yet, with Stella only moving out an episode later.

- Blitz shows discomfort inviting along Stolas just so he can get in the club, further proving how the kiss at the end of episode 6 was only lust, and that Blitz in reality still wants nothing to do with Stolas. This isn’t a plot hole, but it needs to be said since the fans have their heads up their asses.

- Stolas suddenly acts like a nervous giddy schoolgirl in love in this episode once Blitz calls him, and we see him actually trying to get to know Blitz and treat him like an actual human being, despite Stolas previously only treating Blitz like a sex toy. The episode also makes a joke about how Stolas wants Blitz to love him in regards to the novella he was watching, even though the show never indicated that Stolas wanted more than what he and Blitz had, nor ever indicated that he had genuine romantic feelings for Blitz.

- Stolas acts surprised when he walks in the club as if he’s never been here or isn’t familiar, then gets surprised when he hears the word “Asmodeous”, yet the episode not only later reveals that they know eachother since Ozzie recognized him and he himself is also a member of the Ars Goetia, but Stolas is apparently a fucking idiot since we clearly see that there was a giant sign in flashing lights reading “ASMODEOUS” outside at the top of the restaurant. This was one of my biggest issues because way to make the characters idiots for the sake of the plot. Again.

- I’ll say it again, what was the point of introducing Robotic Fizzarolli as an antagonist towards Blitz and set up a history with him, only to introduce the REAL Fizzarolli a few episodes later who ALSO has a history with Blitz yet is the more important one???

- I don’t understand why Viv wanted to introduce the idea of Fizz having robotic counterparts if he himself was going to be a cyborg anyway. I remember getting so confused when I watched the episode for the first time, because I obliviously saw the tail, yet with all the talk of a robotic version of this character, it wasn’t really made clear, but maybe that’s just me. Honestly I feel like the whole robotic Fizz stuff was only in this show so Viv can pull more sex jokes, because at this point the Robot version was a waste of time and a useless character.

- Might as well say that I’m still confused on why Blitz at this point still hadn’t let Stolas know that there’s a demon with an Angelic weapon out there somewhere on the hunt for him. Like I get Stolas can fend for himself as we’ve seen, but since the show made Striker such a big deal, why haven’t the characters told him anything yet?

- This isn’t a big deal but, if Loo Loo Land is technically illegal and Fizzarolli has shown disgust for it, then why is Robo Fizz at Loo Loo Land promoted in the poster he shows off? Also if Ozzie himself designed the robotic toys to be shipped across the rings of hell, then….why exactly are they complaining about the theme park? I get it’s ripping off Lucifer’s Lu Lu World, but wouldn’t Lucifer himself be upset at that and not Fizz? If anything Fizz is just making money like he said, so I don’t see why he cares.

- Fizz mentions that Robo fizz made more money entertaining kids than the robots that are served to please others, (indicating that they’re two different kinds of robots) yet the Robo Fizz we saw was also clearly a sex bot judging by the posters in the background of episode 2.

- I find it funny that Viv says that some rings are more strict with Hell’s laws than others, and yet we’ve seen 4 so far that seem to not have an issue with anything. I bring this up because I still find it off that Moxxie, (an imp) is allowed to go on stage and sing a song, though I guess the Lust ring doesn’t care about class, so long as you’re sexually hardcore. This wouldn’t be a problem if the other rings didn’t seem to give a shit either.

- Mille does nothing throughout the entire Ozzie song, she just stands there and looked surprised and only interjects when they finish, she doesn’t even speak up when they refer to her as an “unsatisfied bride”- unlike Blitz, who’s dumbass spoke up and publicly outed himself despite trying to hide earlier. Again, the characters being dumb for the sake of the plot.

- Blitz shows more hatred towards Verosika despite the previous episode showcasing he felt bad. And no viv, a single second of animation of Blitz frowning near the end of her verse doesn’t do anything.

- Wally is surprised knowing that Stolas is sleeping with an Imp, even though he was there during episode 5 where Stolas was outright flirting with him. Also Wally, you’re an imp as well.

- Stolas hides his face in the menu when he is called out during the song, and hides his face again when he’s walking out of the restaurant. This clearly tells us that despite how Stolas has acted towards Blitz, he’s still a prejudice person of power, and is embarrassed to be seen with Blitz. So Helluva Boss episode 7, if Stolas is embarrassed to be seen with Blitz, then why the fuck did he decide to go to a PUBLIC COUPLE’S RESTAURANT RULED BY ONE OF THE SEVEN SINS FOR EVERYONE TO SEE? The imp at the front clearly knew who Stolas was, so Stolas already outed himself by simply going to a restaurant with an imp. Oh wait, Stolas has been flirting with Blitz in public throughout the ENTIRE SHOW, SO IF HE’S EMBARRASSED TO BE SEEN WITH BLITZ THEN WHY—-??? I can’t with this show’s writing, it’s like no one shares a brain cell when scripting these.

- The crowd claps after Moxxie’s song, even though they all hated it because it wasn’t lusty in the first place. Would have been more cute if everyone was booing but Moxxie and Millie just kept kissing cause they don’t care.

- Despite Blitz having a right to put his foot down towards Stolas, him being genuinely hurt by Stolas hiding in his menu also makes no sense. Don’t get me wrong, Blitz is still the victim in the two’s relationship, but once again, the show never indicated that Blitz ever liked Stolas beforehand. All Blitz did was act annoyed and show us that he doesn’t really give a shit about Stolas and wants nothing to do with him, and yet he gets genuinely hurt by the other, as if he was in love only found out Stolas is embarrassed by him. There’s no buildup or explanation, but that’s the entire ship in a nutshell.

- Stolas had the nerve to go “Thank you for taking me out I had a good time”- even though he hid himself and was embarrassed to be seen with Blitz moments earlier. I still can’t get over how after this episode released, the fandom sided with freaking Stolas and blamed Blitz for apparently RIGHTFULLY calling him out on his bullshit.

- Showcasing that Blitz has a bunch of photos in his room yet always crosses himself out doesn’t do anything Viv. At the end of the day, Blitz is still an asshole and a horrible person, wether he’s insecure or thinks he’s undeserving of love or whatever sappy bullshit you want to add to him. If he truly had some kind of hatred towards himself and really felt bad for how he treats people, have him actually try to be fucking better instead of cuing the constant pity party, only to go back to him being a dick.

- Blitz has photos of Verosika and Fizz on his phone, despite clearly despising them. You could argue that he secretly misses them, but we all know Blitz is a petty bitch, he would have just deleted them. Plus, I think this was the writers lazy way of showcasing more background stuff, or stuff we already knew. Also was he the one who took that photo of him and Stolas in bed? He looks miserable, I doubt he would do that, feels like it was there just for fan service.

- And FINALLY, I find it funny that the fandom always says that blitz cries in the end because of what he said to Stolas, when we clearly see that he was crying because of a photo of his mother. Not a plot hole but again, something to mention.

And that my friends is why Episode 7 sucks. This episode’s scenario is the same as Hazbin’s, it LOOKS good, but on a writing standpoint it’s flawed. The legit only positive things I have to say about this episode are the colors and backgrounds. Seriously, it’s REALLY nice to look at, even if the animation can get very busy during Ozzie’s song. The blues, the purples, the greens, even some of the orange lighting was all beautiful to look at, wish Viv would use more colors like this and not fucking red all the time. That and the “Can I get you two off- I mean, start you two off with some drinks”- joke actually made me laugh. I know, probably not a joke you’d expect me to like but….I dunno it’s certainly more funny than all of the other jokes this show serves us. With that, thank y’all for reading, most of these were small nitpicks but others were very big in my opinion, I know it was long, so thank you for reading if you did! Maybe I’ll list more inconsistencies with the other episodes if y’all would like more.

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #anti vivziepop #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #helluva boss episode 7 #helluva boss ozzie #helluva boss #hazbin hotel critical #anti stolas #anti Stolitz #vivziepop criticism #VIVZIEPOP rant #helluva critical

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ajshaweel · 3 months

Text

1: Instagram

|Nemo Mettler|

Instagram

It was the 3rd of March 2024, and 4 days ago Nemos music video for their song "The Code" was released.

The song was for the 2024 Eurovision Contest and Nemo would be representing Switzerland.

This is the song:

youtube

The song had a mixture of pop, rap, drum & base, opera and amazing vocals.

Nemo was currently sat in their room watching tv, they had a break today so they had nothing to do. They were sat there when they received a notification.

Curiously, they picked up their phone and noticed that the notification was from Instagram. Clicking on the notification they noticed that it was a DM request.

The request was from @silvesterbelt

Nemo did recognise that name. Silvester was representing Lithuania in the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest with the song "Luktelk"

This is the song:

youtube

Nemo remembers the first time they heard the song, they had it on repeat for a while. They liked how Silvester sang it.

The Dm request was accepted and Nemo opened the chat.

Silvestserbelt

Heyy Nemo! Gonna introduce myself here and say good luck in the contest, also not to sound weird but I really really like your song and think you sing it beautifully :D

Nemo stared at the message, unsure on how to reply. For some reason, they felt nervous but they couldn't work out why.

Nemothings

Hiii! Thanks so much really appreciate it, I love your song too it's incredible!!

Then they hit the send button, hoping that they didn't sound too weird or cheesy. It didn't take long for them to get a reply back

Silvesterbelt

Thank you and it's my pleasure, we definitely need to meet up as soon as we get to Malmö!

Nemothings Oh my gosh we do! I bet you're just as nice in person

Silvesterbelt

Says the one, you seem like such a sweetheart 🫶🏻

The conversation went on for a while. Eventually, Nemo found themself scrolling through Silvesters Instagram and looking through his posts.

They would say that the Lithuanian was an attractive male. Did they have a crush? It was too early to tell in Nemos opinion but they knew the man wasn't unattractive.

Before they knew it, they had been scrolling for about half an hour when they stopped. They didn't want to seem creepy as they had just met the guy but for some reason they felt an attraction towards him.

Nemo felt as if they could stare at Silvester for hours and not get bored but they didn't know why. Eventually they put their phone down and went back to watch what was on the tv.

They were quite excited to meet Silvester in real life. He seemed like genuinely nice person and Nemo hoped that they would become very good friends.

Authors note!

Hello! Welcome to this book! I hope you enjoy reading. Requests are open for what you want to see happen in each chapter.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this book and have a good day/night where you are :)

Chapters

Masterlist

#eurovision #lithuania #switzerland #silvester belt #nemo mettler #silverfish #Silvester belt x Nemo Mettler #ajshaweel

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babybluebanshee · 9 months

Text

Movies I Watched in 2023, Worst to Best

I watched 60 movies this year. Imma tell you about them. Also spoilers throughout, obviously.

60. Cats (2019): Genuinely the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I paid to see Meet the Spartans in theaters. Very glad I drank heavily before viewing this. Can’t tell if it was worse because I’m a fan of the musical or not. I saw this movie and everything is worse now.

59. The Taking of Deborah Logan: Actually a really sound premise that goes off the rails and not in a good way. The lady who plays Deborah deserves an Oscar. Nothing worse to me than wasted potential, and this took a legit unnerving premise and made it a standard demon plot and I’m so very tired of that. Sorry @vaultsy

58. Red String and Blood Tea: This all means something, I just know it, but damned if I know what it is. I can’t really say anything that bad about it because stop motion is an intense labor of love and this clearly took a lot of time and effort, but it just didn’t leave much more of an impression on me.

57. Freddy vs. Jason: I wanted to like this movie really bad, and there were times when I did. But the 2000s stink was positively radiating off it - the slowed down footage, the nu metal blaring everywhere, the shitty costuming, it’s everywhere. Save yourself some time and just watch one of those YouTube videos where someone scrubs the whole movie for just Freddy and Jason’s bits.

56. Ladybug and Cat Noir: The Movie: Look, my girlfriend loves Miraculous. I couldn’t care less about it, but she really wanted me to see this movie and I love her very much. At least it’s very beautiful to look at and it did what it took the tv series a billion years to do.

55. Scrooge: A Christmas Carol: I’m gonna level with you - I watched this because gilf Scrooge intrigued me. Now that we have that out of the way, I can say aside from that, there’s nothing in this movie to really set it apart. A few arbitrary changes and making Scrooge more of an intentional asshole doesn’t set it apart from the millions of other adaptations of this story.

54. From Dusk Till Dawn: The line that separates the Tarantino aspects of this movie from the Rodriguez aspects of it is about as subtle as a brick to the head, but it’s there, and honestly? I wish we would have focused more on the Rodriguez parts. Call me a plebeian, but I never have been fond of Tarantino’s style, nor am I particularly interested in his barely concealed foot fetish. Remake this as two separate movies and I’ll watch the one with the rad ass vampires.

53. Beauty and the Beast (1946): Is this a horror movie? I think this was supposed to be a horror movie. I can’t really fathom how this is supposed to be romantic when there’s creepy living statues, human arm candelabras, and the Beast stealing his romantic rival’s face when he transforms into a human man.

52. Gaslight: Can be genuinely gripping in places, but also kind of boring in a plodding way. The acting is pretty great though - Charles Boyer is an amazingly effective villain and I wanted to give poor Ingrid Bergman a hug.

51. The Bob's Burgers Movie: Kevin Kline and Zach Galifinakis need chiropractors from carrying this movie on their backs. Like, it’s fine if you’re a big fan of Bob’s Burgers (and I was on a BB jag at the time), the songs are fun, and the animation is gorgeously bouncy, but it suffers from the same thing that most movies based on tv shows do - it just feels like a longer episode of the show.

50. The Addams Family: A classic for a reason, though maybe with a bit less pathos than I was anticipating. Still fun, just not as fun as the movie that would come after it.

49. Suspiria: Pretty to look at and goddamn that soundtrack. Not a favorite, but it’s such a cerebral experience that you almost don’t mind all that much.

48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Kind of suffers from the same problems as Suspiria, with the leg-up of having an absolute banger of a third act. Also Franklin is the worst. Most of the problems in this movie could have been avoided if Franklin wasn’t around. The other ones could be solved by not trespassing on private property.

47. Paprika: Also a very cerebral film, and just as fun to look at. It’s slightly too charming to ever really be boring, but it’s still just kinda meh.

46. They Live: Fun alien designs and a neat idea. Has too many dead Keith Davids to get any higher on the list.

45. Wes Craven's New Nightmare: A fun spin on a dying franchise. I will never stop laughing at Freddy’s stupid trenchcoat and emo boots tho.

44. Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors: More horror adventure than straight horror, but still fun and inventive. Probably has some of the most creative kills in the whole franchise (Freddy leading someone around by their exposed tendons, hello). My only complaint is that the absolute bitch doctor didn't get eviscerated.

43. But I'm a Cheerleader: The gays can have a silly high school rom com. As a treat. I also appreciate the movie adding in that the bible-thumping heteros tend to sexualize kids more than any queer person on this planet.

42. Psycho Goreman: I would like to congratulate PG on his coming out. Mimi was almost too annoying to be tolerable, but this is still a really fun movie with cool creatures and a lot of great humor.

41. Howard: Hi, catch me crying in the last fifteen minutes of this movie. Howard Ashman was an amazing talent and I’m forever depressed that we lost him far, far too early.

40. Little Shop of Horrors: Yeah, this is the first time I’ve ever seen the movie version of this. Gimme a break, I like the musical ending better. That being said, this movie is great camp fun and I love how much love and care was put into it. Also that Audrey II puppet will never fail to impress me.

39. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: I would like to personally thank Cassandra Peterson for making this stupid, sexy, campy romp that made my life infinitely better.

38: Weird: The Al Yankovic Story: RIP Weird Al Yankovic, wish you could have seen the fabulous movie they made about you before you were gunned down by the cartels.

37. Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: Another movie I saw at my girlfriend’s request, but I also would have wanted to see it for those motherfuckin creature effects. Jarnathan is my husband and I love him dearly.

36. The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Chris Pratt wasn’t in this movie, what are you talking about? It was just Jack Black and Charlie Day having a good time and being extra adorable. That’s all there was. There is no Crisp Rat in my wonderful Mario movie.

35. Black Swan: I’ve heard this described as “live action Perfect Blue” and…yeah. Also I could write entire essays about how Nina’s mother may or may not exist, but we’re not getting into that today.

34. The Wolf House: On a purely technical level, this is a fucking masterpiece. It’s all stop motion (which as previously mentioned is not for the faint of heart), with creative camera work that makes it look like one, long, continuous shot. Add to that the stunningly creepy atmosphere and the framing device of this being a recruiting tool for a cult, and it’s a beautiful nightmare.

33. How to Survive a Plague: Another one that made me weep like an infant. I prefer the book, but this is still a gorgeous tribute to everyone we lost and how far we’ve come.

32. The Girl With All the Gifts: A fun take on the zombie mythos. Also, I for one welcome our new Hungry overlords.

31. Basket Case: Was initially very dubious about the supposed pathos of this film, only to be pleasantly surprised by how true that is. Yes, this movie is schlocky and sleazy (could have lived a long, happy life without ever seeing the Basket Case puppet hump a corpse), but it’s still a great little B-movie.

30. Belle: I’m always a slut for a Beauty and the Beast story, and this one is just hella gorgeous. I would have preferred an extra scene of Justin getting his ass obliterated, but what we did get was wonderful.

29. Nerdy Prudes Must Die: Not my favorite Hatchetfield musical (Black Friday my beloved), but Starkid never put out anything bad. Always a pleasure to see what the Lords in Black are up to.

28. The Sea Beast: I need Grandpa Crow yesterday. Other than that, this was a fun little adventure film that gave me my dose of found family juice. And also it made me realize that there aren’t a lot of straightforward pirate movies anymore? Like, POTC really burned everyone out on those for a while, huh?

27. King Kong (2005): I’ve heard this movie called bloated and boring, but I actually think I love it? Like…maybe it’s just because I’m a monster fucker, but the companionship between Ann and Kong is so beautiful and sad and I nearly burst into tears while she was trying to comfort his as he died. Just let the goddamn gorilla ice skate, you monsters!

26. The Celluloid Closet: Had the opposite of How to Survive a Plague happen - I read the book and wasn’t nearly as moved as I was watching the people actually involved in making these films or other queer icons talking about them. Maybe it was the lack of academic language that made it so much more effective, but while the book is still great for film scholars, the movie is a must-watch for literally everyone.

25. Nimona: We need more feral female characters in general. Also I would never in all my life believe Ballister was a bad guy, simply because he has the most innocent, watery eyes I’ve ever seen that weren’t attached to a small, damp mammal.

24. Citizen Kane: Yes, it took me this long to actually watch this movie for the first time. I was dubious at first, because I’ve seen so many movies that claim to be the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life, and then fall gloriously short of your expectations. This, however, did not do that. I can see why this is a classic. And now you can all be aghast at all the movies that I liked better!

23. Sing 2: Help, I’m crying over Bono the lion dilf! Also this movie is fun and beautiful to look at and the music is amazing. I’m also a proponent of the Shitty Crime Uncle Jimmy Crystal Domestication idea.

22. The People Under the Stairs: More movies should be about the power of community action and solidarity in the face of exploitative gentrification and also blowing up your landlord’s booby-trapped torture dungeon and freeing their kidnapped cannibalistic troll children into the wild.

21. Sense and Sensibility: I’ve never cared that much about Sense and Sensibility as a book - it was strictly middle tier. This movie has changed that. I actually like Edward now, because Hugh Grant just plays him like the autistic king he was always meant to be.

20. Shiny Happy People: No, I do not care that this was a miniseries, it's too good not to include. Watching this show will make you want to deck every evangelical asshat that crosses your path and also terrified of the amount of influence they have in the USA.

19. Black Christmas: Where Chainsaw was kinda boring with a great climax, Black Christmas hits the ground running and doesn't really stop. It's scary, tense, and cinematically gorgeous.

18. Mannequinn: Yes, I liked this movie better than Citizen Kane. No one should listen to my opinion about anything. But it doesn't matter because it's dumb, campy fun and I want Hollywood Montrose to be my auntie.

17. Wishmaster: Absolute ham-to-ham combat between Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund, Tony Todd, Tom Savini. Some amazing practical effects. I wanna kiss the djinn right on the mouth. Only complaint is that I wish the sex pest friend who kept pestering Sam for a date would have stayed dead.

16. From Beyond: This movie had three of my favorite things in the world - moistened puppets, my mommy Barbara Crampton dressing up in a sexy outfit (thank you, Ms. Crampton *blows kiss*), and Jeffrey Combs being a sad, wet kitten man.

15. Renfield: I like that we're making movies about scary vampires again. It's nice. Also Nic Cage is quickly going the way of Daniel Craig and Robert Pattinson - they need to be cast as weird little guys for enrichment purposes.

14. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem: Animation? Charming and daring. Characters? I'm adopted all of them, and loving that all the turtles are actually voiced by children. Superfly? Got me feeling a way. Shredder being teased at the end? Where'd my panties go? Also this movie got me to sixty, so everyone say thank you to Shae for nice, round numbers.

13. Paris Is Burning: It's a classic of LGBT film, if you haven't watched it just to get a taste of the glorious world of drag ball culture, you need to. Stop what you're doing and watch Paris Is Burning. Now. This is a not a request. I will report you.

12. It's a Wonderful Life: I've never seen this show all the way through, so I fixed that this year, and goddamn I always forget how much I like Jimmy Stewart until I see him in another good movie. This movie also got him investigated by the House Un-American Activities Committee for communist sentiments, so all my little anarchists should watch it.

11. Return of the Living Dead: I'd like everyone to meet my husband, Tar Man. He's gonna eat your brains, you'll love it.

10. Re-Animator: I'll never get tired of watching Herbert West being a sassy little cunt to everyone around him, including his co-dependent boyfriend whom he should kiss directly on the mouth. My only complaint is the...um...scene with Dr. Hill's head and Meg. That's all I'm gonna say about it. Because it makes me extremely uncomfy and I can't even enjoy Barbara Crampton's tits because of it.

9. Bride of Re-Animator: Herbert and Dan should have just taken their beautiful daughter to live out the rest of their happy lives at the seaside. Also the effects are fucking amazing. That'll happen when your special effects guys is credited as "Screamin' Mad George".

8. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: Catch me shrieking like a possessed baboon throughout this entire movie. Everything about it made me happy, from Bumblebee being a bamf to Ron Perlman as Optimus Primal to literally everything about Peter Cullen's Optimus. I will never be over him having enough of Scourge's shit and ripping out his spine.

7. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish: Can't talk. Too blown away by the fact Dreamworks put out one of the most visually stunning and vibrant animated films they have in decades. They are back babey.

6. Glass Onion: I cannot wait to see what else we get from Benoit Blanc. He's the blorbo from my shows and I adore him. Also you know he called up Marta after he got home and was like "hey, there's this friend of mine I want you to meet, I think you guys will get along swimmingly" while fully intending to play matchmaker.

5. Everything Everywhere All At Once: "Nothing matters so being kind and compassionate is even more important" is genuinely such a beautiful thing for a film to say, and I'm glad I finally got a chance to see it in a movie where people fight with dildos and Jamie Lee Curtis' outfit was based on a stock photo.

4. Nope: Jordan Peele owns my soul at this point.

3. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar: I expected Priscilla but American, and was given a really heartfelt, sweet movie and I legit forgot several times that Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo were cis men.

2. Barbie: I recommend Barbie to literally everyone who asks me about it. It's my religion now. Everything about it is delightful and

1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: This movie is utter perfection. I would marry it if I could.

#daily life with blue #movies #i'm not tagging this with all the titles #i know not many people care enough to clog up the tags

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