#but that just happens sometimes ykno

[cryptid--bunny]

weirdest thing happened to me. Grizzy replied to the animation I did to his song which got me put on blast but then the UNRELATED POKEMON drawing blew up because of it. Twitter is a place for sure.

[keeps-ache]

gonna keep it shmoovin man

[sistress]

.

[alexclaain]

i think something that personally irks me the wrong way is when people, even other nonbinaries, insinuate or sometimes straight up say that I'm not trans. Like, I get that there are nonbinaries out there who do not consider themselves trans and that's all fine and dandy, but that doesn't mean I'm doing that too. Don't separate me from the trans community, it makes me so fucking uncomfortable

[kawareo]

Thinking about all the sexual abuse that has no doubt happened in the temple of Bhaal, and just how bad it must've been for Durge... Imagine you're worshipped as a halfgod, you get everything you think you could ever want, you're Father's favorite - but if you fuck up, you become his breeding machine. I wonder if Durge knew about that threat; personally, I think he would've.

But anyway my Durge and Astarion are a fun vibe because they were both sexually abused but at least Astarion knows that he was, ykno? Meanwhile my boy is just there describing the most horrific shit, mostly unaware of just how fucked up what he's saying is, and Astarion there not sure if he should tell him "hey pal that is really fucking messed up actually" because he knows sometimes people need their delusions to be able to take the shit the world throws at them.

Aaaaand there's Gortash, who hears about all the horrific stuff, and who I think knows logically that's messed up to happen (especially to someone as young as Durge was when it started) but who would totally just go around dropping hints about how fucked up that was and how he would never do something like this. Did you know that in the church of Bane we'd kill someone for doing that?

And then he'd plan on how to break it to Durge in a way that breaks Durge down the most without Gortash coming off as the bad guy so that when the poor guy's world shatters around him, he can come to lick his wounds at the one safe place he has left - in Gortash's arms.

[tacky-optic]

its that fanciful romanticistic day yet again so JIGZENI HEADCANONS be upon ye (in no particular order of importance or seriousness)��💥💥

- zenigata is jig’s type. gotta get that outta the way first lmao

- favorite fic tropes: reluctant partners, wound dressing, cigarette lighting, slow burn, frenemies with benefits 

- and ok as much as id love this dark noir grizzled detective/hitman mobguy romance love/hate situationship whatever they're probably on the heathier end of the 10 possible lupin ships. they're both just too fucking honest and awkward about romantic sorta stuff yknow

- they both like really black coffee. like nasty "how tf can you drink this its literal tar" black

- zenigata runs hot, jigen runs cold-- obligatory "opposites attract" dynamic

- they both overthink things and small, awkward, semi-flirty situations haunt them for hours. they've brushed knuckles accidentally at a bar once i stg. worst day of their lives they still can't stop thinking about it

- really stand-offish around each other in public (virtually no pda outside of things people might not notice; nudging feet under a table, lighting each other's cigarettes (which is practically kissing for these people let's be real), hands brushing when theyre cuffed in the back of a prison van together, etc etc. normal guy shit)

- they feel obligated to not acknowledge each other, essentially. they're not SUPPOSED to acknowledge each other, it'd break the status quo, "why does that inspector that's always on the news suddenly care about his rival’s partner so much" -- people would get suspicious. best to simply not

- but when they're in private they NEED to be near each other at the very least. eyeshot/earshot. tbh this basically boils down to jigen lounging on top of zenigata. see temp boyfriends-- jigen uses that cop like a basking rock lmao

- facial hair... jig probably digs the five-o-clock shadow look but it usually means "bad mood" for zeni. real late nights, real big loss, real bad scolding from the higher-ups. lupin's dead for the third time this year and he's at the end of his rope about it. shit like that.

- lupin domesticated the shit outta jigen ok. he's the mother hen now. he knows what it looks like (and feels like) when someone's not taking care of themselves so he does the whole shebang-- cooking, cleaning, making sure everyone's hydrated n fed n not slowly rotting. he scolds lupin (plotting heists spiral) and goemon (training spiral) enough that they know to be more careful, but zenigata doesn't get that sorta constant attention since he's solo most of the time

- what im getting at is that jigen checks in after really rough shit ykno. things that might not hit their side very hard but he knows is devastating for zenigata. makes sure he isnt drinking himself into a gutter, makes sure he's sleeping, makes sure he isnt eating exclusively half-assed cup noodle, makes sure he gets cleaned up/shaved. then when zeni's tentatively grateful and Over It and threatening to arrest him again (in that order) he dips

- I FUCKING LOVE THE PATCHUP TROPE and i blame this fandom exclusively. there's this one jigzeni fic where zenigata admits to practically being the gang's third-pick medic and i really really like that idea. so yeah that mother hen shit goes both ways because thats just how zenigata is innately

- hes super cushy with jigen specifically cause jigen's kinda like when you try to clip a dog's nails when they do NOT want that to happen. theres always the looming threat that shit might get loud. and bitey. aaany moment now. but jigen sucks it up real quick when he sees how big this fuckin guy's hands are and how good he is with them winkwinkwink

- put these two alone together for too long and they'll blurt out shit that they BOTH need to hear but have always been too. idk. nervous? afraid? to say. probably afraid. they hate that it's so easy to talk about what's weighing on them

- mostly intrusive thoughts about lupin, but sometimes it's little stuff. i.e. "i actually don't like black coffee all that much but i can't bring myself to sweeten it up because i feel like i don't deserve it/it doesn't feel like i earned it."

- neither can bring themselves to tell the other that That Doesn't Make Sense and is In(s)ane. they both know it's nonsensical and neurotic but they both feel the same deep deep down, too. they get why. they hate it they HATE that they align on a intuitional level

- but once they break that initial barrier of extremely awkward silence where they just KNOW they're thinking the same thing, they can not and will not shut up about how they're feeling

- don't get me wrong. jigen totally vents to lupin (and to goemon and 10000% to fujiko too) but only zenigata can match that same level of angst he has and that's what makes said venting actually, genuinely, deeply relieving. because fuck, he gets it

- they're a tag team of worry. hype men of worry. there's this one mike birbiglia bit from "old man and the pool" -- can't even enjoy a comedy special without this pairing whacking me upside the head with a two-by-four, smh-- that is apparently jigzeni to me:

- "she's worried, and then because she's worried, i'm worried. we're like an anxious improv group. like... i initiate with a worry. she "yes and..."s the worry with some misgivings. i close out the scene with some neuroses, and then sometimes we have sex, and that's so fun."

- on that note, jigen's Worry is very much internal whereas zenigata's is very much not. this is borderline fascinating to them. "how're you so calm all the time" versus "how're you so hopped up on all this energy all the time". the answer is waiting till 2am to unpack by screaming into a pillow and/or drinking till they zonk out

- they tend to gravitate to certain places for what i guess you would call "noncommittal company"-- ambience, if anything-- and since they tend to be holed up in the same areas random bar encounters happen frequently

- they talk about drinking habits a lot. preferred drinks, cocktails, brands-- they're both big fans of whiskey

- jigen buys them both a bottle of real high-their top-shelf shit after particularly rough yet successful heists (the ones where they team up to take out nazis or whatever the hell) and zenigata (after a lot of convincing) never really turns jigen down when he offers him a glass

- okay so either these two happen slowly over many, many months (with the backdrop of many, many years behind them) or they happen IMMEDIATELY, no unpacking, no real deep thought from either of them. if they don't have that “ah, fuck it” moment then they've got a lot of silent pining to look forward to (which i rant about [here])

- damn i think thats it. im pretty shit at coming up with really cushy slice of life bits lmao, it always devolves into deranged character analysis

- some day i will comprehend the art of cozycomfy 'this is how they like their toast' stuff......some day

[sacred-coffin]

Oh hi how you doing?

I just read the things you wrote about mountain/swiss..

Lately is reaaaaally hard finding mountain things so...

Im here to ask you politely if you would share some hc you have about mountain 🥹

(Can be both SFW and NSFW)

Ofc!!! I really love Mountain. He's so cute :3c

I thought about this for a bit while I was going to sleep last night, so it might get a little long. I'm gonna hold off on NSFW stuff right now, but feel free to ask for more :)

Ok so first things first... I have a different opinion on earth ghouls than most. I don't really associate them with plants & stuff like that. To me, earth means rocks, not soil.

Because of this, I think Mountain really likes collecting rocks (not a typical earth ghoul trait. He just likes collecting things). I think he has a habit of just snatching up rocks he thinks look nice; he's not super interested in gems & stuff, but he'll happily accept them if offered. He tends to like rocks that look very plain or unassuming, and he REALLY does not care for tumbled/polished rocks.

I also think Mountain specifically is good with animals, they just love him. He doesn't have many chances to play with animals, but when he does it is... SO difficult to pry them away from him later. He unfortunately is still a ghoul, and a killer because of that, so uh. Sometimes "playing" turns into... well ykno. Animals still really like him though! ...up until then. The other ghouls think it's really cute. Humans, not so much.

I think he also very very much likes having people lay on top of him, and not so much the other way around. He's the kind of guy I think that will pass out on a couch or something and not be bothered at all if someone crawls up & lays on top of him. This happens very often. There is, however, the chance that he will roll over & trap whoever joined him in his arms. Oh well!

HOWEVER... I think he also loves to sit in people's laps. His tail wags like CRAZY whenever someone let's him. He wants to be small sometimes!!! I think Cumulus especially likes to let him sit in her lap, and he just cuddles up all over her purring like crazy. She's not the only one, but she's the one who offers the most often (he's a little hesitant to ask, even though no one would ever say no)

Speaking of Cumulus... I think she's obsessed with him. She's sooooo sweet to him!! Cirrus also loves Mountain a lot, and they both just love to give him lots of attention to make him blush. Very often Cumulus will stop and say something about how Mountain looks really cute, and turn to Cirrus like "doesn't he look so cute?" And they both end up going back and forth complimenting him.

Mountain is also the ghoul who's giving everyone little presents (usually stuff he finds while wandering around outside) Aether & Dewdrop have a very nice collection of rocks & other things, since they've all known each other the longest.

ALSO I think Rain likes Mountain a lot, but Mountain isn't always sure what to say to him or how to initiate hanging out with him, but he's trying really hard. They're so cute to me...

And one last thing: I think Phantom has convinced Mountain to let him onto his shoulders and run full speed into a doorframe. Swiss saw this and immediately demanded it be his turn next.

This has probably happened at least twice. He loves to help others do stupid shit.

(And yeah, maybe once or twice he hit his head on the doorframe too, but that's fine. He's tough as a boulder)

[electricbathsalt]

HELLO HI YOU MENTIONED CHISAKI HAVING A COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP WITH HUMANITY AND I AM HERE TO HAPPY RANT ABOUT IT

it's like 2:30am and i should have gone to bed a while ago so this is gonna be a lil incoherent probably but anyways. yes. 100% yes i love that. i have so many ideas bouncing around my head about chisaki not being human, or like getting some secondary quirk in a secondary quirk wave that *makes* him (in his eyes) less than/not quite human, and also i sometimes use it/its pronouns for him because Reasons (i am projecting my own use of it/its onto him), and I also headcanon him as a) FtMtX (third gender/maverique), b) aroallo and gay and romance-repulsed, and c) autistic + low emotional empathy, and all of those things would 100% play into having a complicated and not-entirely-positive relationship with humanity in general (and his own humanity!) ESPECIALLY given that he spent formative years in the yakuza, which is bound to be a wildly conservative organization and an environment EXTREMELY hostile to several of those core immutable traits. ykno?

anyways you mentioned him having a complex relationship to other people/humans and humanity in general like he doesn't consider himself one so that's what prompted this. also please rant back i want to hear e v e r y t h i n g

Oh my god oh my god YES!! Okay I actually just woke up (yes my sleep schedule is fucked rn) so this is most definitely not gonna be coherent either buuut bro that is SO SIMILAR TO EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKINGGG

Okay this is by far the most difficult topic for me to try to articulate/explain bc I don’t really know how to, but I will try my damndest!! Yes. I think Chisaki has a very, very complicated relationship with both his own humanity and humanity as whole, in the way that he like. Does not view himself as human, and does not think of humans as the same as him, because they are on, like, separate playing fields. It’s not that he necessarily thinks of everyone else as worthless, or that he’s above them inherently (unequal)—he believes himself to be in a sort of limbo. He is neither worthless nor worthy. He is not human, therefore he cannot adhere to the same principles and standards of humanity. He is not human, and that is why he is never treated like one.

I think he subconsciously detached himself from it. He hated how the one person he (subconsciously) thought would one day view him as human and accept him, called him a monster and outcast him, like everyone else. The one person who showed him kindness with no catch (in his mind, because… yikes). That’s when he fully accepted that he’ll never be seen as human, that he is not human, and will never be treated like something with value/emotion, like something mortal and thinking and multi-dimensional, which is why he finally decided to just take matters into his own hands, with no regard to anything else. Why follow the morals of humans if he is not one? You don’t expect a wild animal not to maul you. Because for an animal, it is necessary. There’s no malice. They hunt and kill you because they need to eat and feed and protect. Is that not him? Is he not doing all this out of necessity? To keep himself and his family alive?

(Although, he doesn’t perceive himself as an animal. Just as not human). He believes he can’t be human. He believes he can no longer allow himself to be human anyway, because being human is too large an obstacle to his goals. He has to be a monster.

And kinda on the side of how he perceives other humans—it’s like, he’s more vital than them to the plan (which is the most important thing in the world), so he is above them in the way they are pawns whereas the plan cannot happen without him and Eri. But it’s dependent on his quirk, bc without his quirk, he is no longer Overhaul, who is the one who is vital to the plan; he is just Chisaki Kai. Chisaki Kai was not vital to anything and was just some not-really-human with a debt to pay off. Chisaki Kai is not worthwhile. Chisaki Kai is below other, real humans. So it’s split—Overhaul is above everyone else (in importance, in the fact he is not human. He is a monster). Chisaki Kai is below everyone else (he is indebted and clinging to the dregs of humanity he wants to have). The common ground is that both Overhaul and Chisaki Kai are inhuman accessories to the Shie Hassaikai. The Shie Hassaikai is more important than them.

He does not yearn to be human, he yearns for the casual acceptance and belonging that comes alongside being human. Humans have never treated him like how they treat other humans. He is not human.

Uggfhhhh I can’t tell if I’m explaining this exactly how I mean it. My vocabulary is just lacking I fear 😭 I have trouble streamlining my thoughts a lot. I feel like I have more to say but no way to properly express it, I guess. Also all your headcanons are extremely real and definitely add onto this/play a part in it!! I cannot imagine that the Yakuza would be all that accepting/an at all safe environment (ah. Well. That’s not true bc I have lol. I don’t like making sad stories 💀 but in canon… definitely not. Especially with Pops’ apparent falling-out with his daughter over her marriage 😒).

I don’t know if this all is what you had in mind or not but I think it has at least some semblance to what I think some of his mindsets are. My brain is a lil fried though. Also please please please elaborate. On everything. I wanna hear all your takes

[rindough]

also wow i just realized i have like no dreamcore songs except i guess fireflies by spaceouters? dunno who i'd associate that with tbh. i have a BUNCH of indie tho if you're interested

HI ANON and its okay >< not everyone gotta have those songs but i took a listen to fireflies n hmmmmm this song rlly gives me dan heng vibes

like look at his room, the floor tiles, the shelves, the desktop, his bed. dan heng to me comes across as the guy who doesn't sleep early. half the time, if you're up and walking around the cabin, trying to make tea or coffee or just get water, best believe half the time you'll be met with a "why are you still up?" or a "hey"

he'll sometimes invite you to his room where OK LETS IMAGINE his floors can be customized to whatever he wants. so sometimes when you enter his room, it'll be in the shades of blue, dark blue in fact, calm navy waves swirling below you as you take in the cool air that hits your face.

he'll have you wait by the side as he adjusts his pillows and all, then calling you over to sit beside him with your hot drink in hand. you'll talk about those trips that he didn't get to join in, the weird shower thoughts you have, his random thoughts, and sometimes, he'll even share his secrets because he puts his faith in you, much more that he had anticipated.

your talks would go on for hours and hours and it'll just end up being a sleepover. like it'll all start with a

"come, let's lay down and talk, my back's tired."

then suddenly you'll be faced with a soft smile on his face accompanied by half lidded eyes, and a "good morning."

and, you'll be standing in front of March 7 who has a big smile on her face and also a "good morning." already giggling at the sight of the two of you huddled together at the morning's coldness.

another scenario is that when he'll have nightmares of blade haunting him, reminding him of dan feng's sins. if he's ever woken up by those nightmares the night before, the night after he'll have his floors be set to those waves again, or something calming, a relaxing ambient type of setting like rain or the ocean again KSJDHF but! he'll play this song to set his mood before wrapping himself comfortably in his blankets, trying to fall asleep. he'll slowly release the tension around his feet, then legs, letting go of himself in each limb and all the way until he's fallen asleep.

These nights would be somewhat peaceful, ykno sometimes or some ppl, when they've been a night owl for quite some time, and they finally, FINALLY get that 10pm sleep and wake up at 7am??

YEA that's what happens to him during those nights, he'll wake up, feeling even more refreshed and energized, feeling as if he's taken a step forward, ready to start the day again.

btw anonnie, do u wanna set an emoji alias for urself? :OO

[mangosoda114-art]

Pretty proud of this design lol

Small rant below abt object show gijinkas

Why don’t ppl give them a cane, Yin literally said that they struggle to move their leg but I haven’t seen one design or anything rlly where people acknowledge it.

I think more ppl focus on making their object show gijinkas hot rather than like. Ykno. Being accurate to the character and it makes me a little bit mad. Sometimes I see a design and you can’t even tell who the character is cuz it’s just. A person that happens to also be the same color as the object they’re based on. People don’t rlly get that creative with their designs. Sorry for yappin it’s just smth I noticed.

[apollovers3]

Ykno maybe it’s a hot take, but like Ive noticed something a bit disheartening in a weird way?

//vent//

Like im all for headcanons, but like sometimes id see a short actor play a character thats SO “babygirl” and immediately the fandom would be like “heheheh and hes trans now”

Dont get me wrong, i LOVE trans rep anytime i can get it. And i sWEAR im guilty of this too. But like, sometimes it feels like (i guess) short ftm’s cant “pass” if you get it??? Like. Im a 5’2” short king, and sometimes i hate when ppl know im trans instead of just “oh thats a man” bc im short ig. But when i see like a character thats a cis man that HAPPENS to be short, and people IMMEDIATELY associate that with ftm, i get oddly dysphoric?

Like??? God- IDK LIKE I LOVE SEEING IT?? IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AT FIRST GLANCE, but if i think just a tiny bit harder, i feel like shit abt it???

IS THAT JUST ME? CAN SOMEONE ENLIGHTEN ME

(Yes this is to mean about our 5’4” king fnaf-movie Mike Shmidt)

Disclaimer: My trans experience is MY trans experience. You are still VALID if u dont feel the same and happen to be ftm‼️‼️ okay love ya

[gaemms-chamois]

random unorganized darknights trio + paprika musings bc sometimes i'm hit with like a pang of Brief Worry that i'm completely misinterpreted blabla that usually doesn't last too long bc i then go back to my state of I'm Just Vibing but ig at some point i just gotta let it out publicly once and be done with it lol

this is messily written Please Understand this isn't meant to be a grand thought piece

fuuuck ok well this is like very specifically abt the w, ines & paprika part now

like don't get me wrong on this. i joke abt wines moms and stuff but i dont genuinely mean it in the way of wahh wow littol family for reals kinda deal?

less on wines 'adopting' paprika, moreso paprika imprinting on them like a duckling after she was saved by them. paprika adopted them lmao. i cannot possibly interpret either w or ines as Maternal in such a way.

it's moreso that i think it's nice that this little sarkaz merc became part of the story, a girl who all her life since she was infected at a young age, was presented with becoming a mercenary being basically the only option for her.

and then, as annoying as w can be, being shown that she does have different options.

i just think it's sweet that paprika, judging by her voicelines, clearly looks up to w and ines. which is just amplified by the fact that w and ines are notoriously not the most popular people on rhodes lol. and she calls w annoying but still keeps knitting stuff and wanting to gift food to her. like if she often seeks out w and ines to tell them how well she did on something, when they are on the ship, etc. that'd at least indicate that those two humor her.

ALSO IT'S UNOFFICIAL BUT SHOUTOUT TO THAT LITTLE CHUZENJI ART WITH PAPRIKA AND W, INES & TOTTER WEARING KNITTED HATS SO CUTE

OKAY WOO DARKNIGHTS MERCENARY TRIO AND STUFF

cool yeah obviously i fucking love them. i'm not very good at words though and i tend to keep my more elaborate thoughts to just discussions between friends who know how i tick djsfhdfs

just the other day i was smiling to myself during a walk bc holy shit all three are actually playable now and that's not just wishful thinking anymore. anyway chapter 13 also happened and more stuff with the trio happened and Cool Lots of things Happening and my brain is full

they're so found family to me, like in an utterly unconventional way. i mean c'mon with how they act sometimes like- ykno. but like have y'all seen the new furniture set and descriptions that came with hoederer's release it made me go insanse.

but i think especially in ines' case it just kinda highlights that best. considering ines' arts can figure people out (putting that in rather vague terms), it truly means something when someone with her capabilities and temperament has people she chooses to stick by and actually trust. even if she pretends she doesn't by verbally denying it.

like waugh Okay they have a lot to unpack and shit but with them being reunited (take that, W file that said W needs companionship but her friends aren't around anymore) and having a COMPARATIVELY more ""relaxed"" life than before (that one Hoederer file where he just has rather regular days on rhodes), it's just nice to imagine they can finally have something better and figure stuff out. as complicated as the three of them are.

with that said i think it's a given that i despise a nuclear family treatment of the three (aka mom ines, dad hoederer, daughter w).

for one with me being highly doubtful w was a kid/teen at the start of darknights (young? sure, but not that young), which just seems like such a...widespread belief that i really do not get? arknights always put a LOT of emphasis on when a character's story was about them being a kid, 0 of that with w. like something about her expression and big cloak just gave people some different impression, even though she literally keeps looking the same aside from a change of clothes. only instance of w being called a kid during that time i can think of is that one boiler worker in her files but that seems way more like any typical old guy calling anyone on the younger side a kid. hell, even hoederer was called young in darknights, like in a sarkaz's lifespan i can believe that.

and also...hoederer had somewhat of a mentor-like role for w, but if anyone tries to tell me ines ever acted maternal towards w i will chew through your walls. read through darknights memoir and actually pay attention to ines, both w AND ines were pettyass women and they made that so very clear. cannot fathom how anyone can see ines as having been motherly towards w

seriously just feels like a case of Well there is man and there is woman....and this other character so clearly these are mom, dad and kid.

that's not even me being biased towards w/ines, just how i objectively see it. hell, i even ENJOY ines/hoederer, but my enjoyment of it is limited bc for some reason ppl like to make it weird by shoving w in as some daughter. i promise it's completely possible to like ines/hoederer without trying to fit in w as a kid figure

anyways yeah like cool i like these characters I Guess. Look at them

[padfootastic]

Hey padfootastic! Was reading a fic about Sirius' revenge and it was bloody brutal so this thought came into my mind, had they wanted, -Blacks I mean- Dark Lord would legit be nothing. Turned into ashes(oh how I hate that scene from movies) even before he started terrorizing others. What do ya think bout it?

Feels like had they been together and their mind, force, resources were used rightfully even Dumbledore might have been afraid of them. Sometimes I think he was, they both were, and how they might have rejoiced it- Voldemort when Regulus and Bellatrix game Dumbledore when Sirius joined his cause and then was thrown away in the Azkaban.

Yeah that's it ig...

hey anon!!

okay but that sounds super cool 👀 can i request the link pls 🥺

also i think. okay. so. here’s the thing. i think the black family has a lot of potential, yeah? but as we get them, they’re basically obliterated. both symbolically and literally.

so, for me, they most definitely have the capability to smoke the entire dark movement. easily. if. and only if they’re properly developed by the narrative. like, i’ve read so many fics where say, arcturus takes command and changes the entire direction of the war. or where sirius steps up to the lordship mantle and fucks shit up. or some random black OC does the trick. point is, i need worldbuilding and canon divergence but i can totally see it happening.

the blacks r also really competent to the point of being terrifying ykno? reg managed to crack voldys deep dark secret at like. 18. orion was so powerful his security measures were in place long after his death. narcissa lied to the dark lords face. no need to say anything ab sirius and bella. id argue that even andromeda had balls of solid gold for just. running away and marrying a muggleborn and staying alive thru it all. and if u turn the purity family motto into ‘purity of family blood’ then u can have even more fun w the ‘how DARE u touch a member of our family’ situation ykno?

and then theees the political/economic front. id the blacks were akin to royalty, then imagine them pulling strategic manoeuvres to fuck voldy up in a bureaucratic sense. it’ll be so fun.

[hazelfoureyes]

To add onto the ace conversation, I wanna add my journey!

TW it gets kinda heavy at the end-

My journey was literally SO messy omg and this is gonna sound so silly but

My mom and I used to watch this show called rupauls drag race when I was little. I used to think the men were pretty and all when they were out of drag but WHEN THEY WERE IN DRAG??? omg I was in love, I thought they were so pretty 😭. NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY THIS IS CONFUSING. Technically, they are men, but they look like women, and you only like them when they look like women. I was scared and confused with this newfound information so I repressed it 💀

During my teen years, ig I was just like everyone else, a lil sex obsessed freak (idk how to put it but YKNO HOW PEOPLE ACTED IN HIGH SCHOOL 😭 ). Watch porn, reading smut, the whole shebang. I eventually found out I like both girls and boys (with a preference for girls). BUT one day I sat down and realized I haven’t had a real crush with a real life person since like elementary school 🧍‍♀️

Everyone was losing their virginity’s and talking about how great sex was and blah blah blah. It’s embarrassing but I thought sex was gonna be AWESOME and I COULD NOT WAIT to just GET RID of mine 💀. Like if I lost my virginity it would put everything in place.

Jump forward to when I’m 19-20 and I get my first “real” boyfriend. I was kinda out? I was telling my friends what I was bisexual. I told my boyfriend when we were in the “talking stage” and he was really supportive, or so I thought, long story short he was just like, THE WORST PERSON EVER. He was sexually/emotionally abusive, 0/10 person.

⚠️TW: S*XUAL ASSAULT, DR*GS, R*PE⚠️

⚠️ I wanna say that I’m only laughing about this because it’s my coping mechanism ig but I just wanna say that there was multiple instances that he used to take advantage of me while I was under the influence and then gaslight me into thinking it was ok the day after.

If they’re is ANYONE reading this that is in a situation like I was in, please for the love of god leave them. NO it’s NOT normal. They don’t love you. The abuse will only get worse the longer you stay. ⚠️

And on top of all that HE OUTED ME 🧍‍♀️ so that was fun. Anyways back to the sex, it was bad. I thought men not knowing where the clit is was a meme but it’s true 😭 mans would rub my left lip for 5 minutes and act if I came. Losing my virginity DID NOT “put everything in place”. Well i guess maybe it did in a sense. I never wanted to do it again.

But on the other hand, I’ve read that sex is a beautiful thing. Deep down, some parts of me yearn to have that special connection with someone. I want to feel what real love is. What it’s really like to make love. And not just have someone tell me they love me while they selfishly use me. Words are just words but I know there has to be more to it.

Anyways that’s where my journey is right now, I’ve been doing some real soul searching these past few months. Tumblr has really helped me in trying to figure this whole thing out. Am I ace? Idk. But it’s what I closely resonate with for the time being.

God labels are confusing as hell 😭 why can’t I just be me

I’m me-sexual 🥳

I was a little worried at first sharing this as it is heavy! But, the fact is, sometimes we are waiting for someone to bring up a heavy topic so we can share/vent our own story. Certain heavy topics just...don't come up often or organically. So I hope if someone needs it they can use this as a reason to start a conversation they've been waiting for a chance to have!

What happened to you was beyond unacceptable treatment and I am so so sorry you had to suffer through that literal abuse. I suffered through quite a bit myself and it really skewed and damaged my relationship to sex for a long time in ways I couldn’t perceive so I absolutely hear you! It sounds like you’re doing the heavy lifting of trying to heal and be a fully formed you and I’m so proud of you! The hardest part is acknowledging that hey, maybe there’s some shit still left to figure out about myself.

As you continue in life you may find your awful experiences had some effect on how you view and enjoy (or not enjoy) sex.

I am a huge advocate for sexual health, in knowing yourself intimately for your own pleasure but also for safety and comfort!

I really hope you’ve taken time to learn about yourself and what things you like and don’t like when it comes to physical pleasure. If that’s something you have an interest in!

Personally I’ve thought I hated things and later realized nooo I just experienced it first with someone terrible at it. 😅 but when I did it I found it kicked ass. (**cough** anal **cough cough*)

There is more to sex, I hear! I’ve never made love and the idea is so unattractive to me, but! Darling, sex does exist thats full of love and connection and meaning that serves so many more purposes than getting off. So I’m adamantly told! If it’s something you want I hope you find someone or someones who can provide it. 🥺

It’s so funny you mention horny teenagers because in middle school and into high school everyone was pairing up. And I thought, “Relationships are what you do when you want sex. And I don’t need sex. I’m still young. So… why would I get a boyfriend? My friends fulfill my needs otherwise.” (Still….so closeted 😂)

Because I was aromantic and the term just like—- didn’t exist in my world so I didn’t know, I didn’t realize people were dating for non-sex reasons 💀 but then I got a boyfriend and had sex in high school and was like “OH SHIT THIS IS THE BEST?? AM I A NYMPHO NOW. MY HAND COULD NEVER?”

The beautiful thing about still being here is that you have the freedom and the time to decide or not decide anything! Research, talk to people and read in forums of people learning to find their place. Question everything— are there parts of people you find sexually attractive? If yes, okay let’s start there! I realized I was pansexual first because of my attraction to androgyny. “I’m not a lesbian—- dick good. But also… pussy good??? Tits good??? That person could have any of those things and.. I don’t care? I still want them carnally?!”

If no sexual attraction to people at all (pretty standard definition Ace in that case!), then okie dokie, totally can still want to enjoy sex! It’s more than about sexual attraction as we are cerebral creatures. That’s still valid! If you did want to be physically intimate are there things you’d be okay with doing and not doing? Or things you’d want to do that maybe you couldn’t with certain people? Is your idea of what sex is being really narrowed down being of the culture you’re in? Just some questions for yourself. So many things to consider if you haven’t already! Not for finding a label but making sure you can express what you want and need when you’re in a situation to receive it. 💝

I didn’t know anything about Asexuality until hazbin and that made me look at my partner and be like “yoooooo I know you’re an older Japanese man but I have a new English word for you to learn.”

Before I knew pansexuality existed I told people who asked my sexuality, “I’ve never been disappointed when someone got naked.” Because I didn’t identify with the “women and men” definition of bisexuality, the gender didn’t matter and the sexual organs were all just bonuses for me. But I didn’t know a word existed for how I felt.

And hey, it got the point across! I lacked a community to feel welcomed in but I was still able to love and be loved how I wanted to be and that’s the most important part of this. As long as you can still articulate what you want and need in this stage of your life then baby cakes you’re doing perfectly fine in your journey! Which it sounds like you already know very well 💖🥹

[stayp1eceposts]

PERCY JACKSON EPISODE 7 SPOILERS!!! (and also for the book if you haven't read it!!)

So, as always, FANTASTIC episode.... But..

There were soo many things that I waited the week to see, that they either changed, or completely left out.

A lot of the changes they did in the series are not changes that bother me or they're changes I really liked, but this time they did me dirty.

The struggle in crusty's??? The waiting room filled with dead people??? The whole oh no cerberus is after us what are we gonna do omg wait cerberus is just a big puppy that wants to have some fun???

I know they did still technically have that last one but it was very different from the book.

Now see, I don't mind that it's different from the books, this is Rick's chance to rewrite the book but with the knowledge he has of what happens in the whole book series.. But some things I think affected the episode a bit on the negative side.

Another thing that does annoys me at times, but truly isn't the end of the world, is that too often the characters just. Know. They meet a new monster and they immediately know who it is and what they do. Where as in the book they find out the hard way. Knowing that they've reached medusas lair before they see the statues to prove it, knowing how to defeat crusty before even walking into his shop (otherwise Annabeth wouldn't already be wearing her cap, fight me) etc. I think the overall show would be slightly improved, had they just added maybe 10 minutes to every episode, and used those extra minutes to show our heroes actually in trouble. Percy doesn't know how to properly fight yet, show him learning. They do that, but I think they could do it more.

I don't mind the telling, not showing, because the entire first book is just a huge infodump. The people that are mad at that, needs to read the book (again)

Also, that is EXACTLY how I envisioned hades to be. Not so somber, not the hadestown version of hades (tho I really do love hadestown hades) but the dorky, clever little bastard that was in episode 7. Thank you! I immensely enjoyed every second of those few minutes of screen time he had. But I do think some scenes were too short. Don't come for me, I know a lot of the "fights" from TLT are way shorter than some people might remember, but they did almost die in crusty's shop and I wanted persassy talking to charon and sailing the Styx.

I did like that they kept the shoes dragging grover to tartarus, that gives a lot of info to non readers about who the traitor is.. One thing about tartarus though... I clearly remember it as a cave with a huge bottomless pit? I could be wrong, and honestly, it being in a cave or the middle of a desert is not something that is too important to me, I just thought the cave set the whole mood. Ykno, with Artemis being trapped in there in TTC and all that. But again, not That important to me.

The only thing that has legitimately bothered me about this show, has been the lighting. As someone who is incredibly passionate about lighting, and wants to become a professional in the field, watching (or struggling to) some of the scenes, were so annoying. They could do better than giving Pjo the DC treatment. I watch the show on my computer, in a dark room, with the screen light on max, and still couldn't see certain scenes in the show (like the amusement park, the minotaur, fields of asphodel etc)

There's many ways to show the audience that it's so dark the characters might have trouble seeing, without the audience feeling the same way.

I'm so sorry about the length of this, I had stuff to say. But no one will ever get me to dislike this show. I love it, so so soo much, sometimes there are just things I'm insanely excited to see, as a book reader, that doesn't happen and I'm a bit sad about that, no matter how good bad or neutral the changes are.

[kawareo]

On a bus and bored so im gonna ramble about Bhaal being an incompetent abusive father

(This is about my Durge specifically, not a general Bhaal thought)

Bhaal made him to be offputting and creepy and then found a lonesome little house in the woods, where lived two women who were hated by general society from birth, people who were abused as kids and still sometimes as adults. Women who used to be pirates, who have killed people, who lived quite far from the City and who had noone outside who would care about them and what they were doing - aka, prime situation for abuse. Bhaal genuinely set his son up to live in as abusive situation as possible, wanting Strike to be brought up hating the world and then at the adult age being 'saved' by the Temple. Classic, ykno? He'd go from being loathed to being revered, and wouldn't that make him so much more loyal to daddy?

And yet, Bhaal misjudged cruelty of mortals, because Rico and Neewa found this tiny creepy baby and decided to love him more than they were ever loved as children themselves. They thought he was a drow, sure; not a Bhaalspawn, but honestly even f they would've known they wouldn't raise him any different.

They kept to themselves, they were poor as dirt, and yet! He was given nothing but love. They never raised a hand at him. When he hurt animals they cried for him because they were scared for him to not understand what it feels like to care about something. When his magic first showed, he nearly burnt down a house with his first spell, and they put out the fire and were so damn proud of their baby showing such talent for sorcery. They would've sent him to a proper school in Waterdeep, but they needed a few years to save up money for it, because their boy was so talented and so smart and they truly believed he would achieve great things - but even if he wouldn't! He'd always have a home to come back to

So Bhaal utterly failed recognizing just how fierce mortals can be in their love, and that's why Rico and Neewa had to die so much sooner; Bhaal would've left Strike there until he was an adult, but because of just how... Not right the situation was, Bhaal sent Sceleritas to test out just how ruined his son was. And when Strike's moms died, he was lead to the Temple, and shoved onto the pedestal almost twice earlier than it was intended for - he was nine when he took over the Temple, with the then High Priestess helping him, until he took over fully at thirteen.

There was also sexual abuse that happened with that Priestess and it's a large reason why Strike detests women infantalizing him, but thats not the post to talk about it

Anyway an au in which Bhaal chooses better and throws his kid off at an already abusive household, like, idk, Flymm's cobblers