#but stopped after she succeeded her father and needed to set a better example for people

[blackhazefanblog]

[jenanigans1207]

“Did you ever think,” Kyu sets down the glass he had been polishing to make direct eye contact with Kazuki. Or as direct as was possible with Kazuki, who had thrown himself dramatically over the countertop and was staring up through his eyelashes. “that you aren’t the only one who’s afraid?”

Kazuki’s eyebrows rise so far up that they disappear below his hair. “What?”

“I’m just saying.” Kyu shrugs like this isn’t a vastly important conversation, shrugs like he doesn’t have the entirety of Kazuki’s attention laser-focused on him. “It’s something to consider.”

It’s silent for a moment as Kazuki contemplates this. And then he sits upright, the conversation demanding proper posture. “What does Rei have to be afraid of?”

Kyu doesn’t say anything, but his gaze bores heavily into Kazuki.

But the question hangs in the air between them. What does Rei have to be afraid of? He has an apartment, a job, and Kazuki. Between those things, there isn’t anything he could want for. Between those things, there isn’t even anything that Rei needs to do, that’s the whole goddamn problem. He doesn’t have to do the dishes, or the laundry, doesn’t have to kiss Miri’s scraped knees, or tuck her into bed. He doesn’t have to do anything because he knows that Kazuki will.

“Kyu.” Kazuki says on the end of a sigh.

Kyu lets out his own sigh and leans against the counter. “You’re complaining that Rei won’t help with Miri, right?”

“Right.” Kazuki confirms. When Kyu just stares at him pointedly, Kazuki adds. “She’s a handful, but she’s not scary.”

“He’s not scared of Miri.” Kyu answers, a wry smile on the corners of his lips at the thought of sweet, darling Miri being scary. “He’s scared of not being a good enough father.”

The words stir something in Kazuki. It’s a fear that he knows well, too. Miri deserves everything, every happiness that has ever existed. He, too, is constantly afraid that he’s falling short of their precious daughter. It’s not like he has any more experience in this than Rei, not like he has any clue what the hell they’re supposed to be doing. He’s certainly failed as many times as he has succeeded, but those failures haven’t stopped him yet.

“The easiest way to not be good enough is to not try.” Kazuki murmurs after a minute, but some of his bitterness has receded.

The thought of Rei being afraid softens something in Kazuki. Besides the fact that Rei is completely fearless with his own life— though it’s not that he’s fearless about losing his life as much as it is that he disregards the importance of his own life— he doesn’t show too many emotions and when he does show them, they’re small. Kazuki had learned to read all of Rei’s micro expressions though, had learned how to notice the emotions that he did feel. And it was true that recently there had been more of them.

When Kyu responds, his voice is quiet and somber, his words cutting straight through to Kazuki’s heart. “What if he tries and he’s not better than the boss?” Kyu stares at him, intense. “The only example he has of a father is the kind of father he doesn’t want to be.”

“Rei would never be anything like that!” Kazuki defends vehemently, slamming a fist down on the counter between him and Kyu. “He’s so gentle with Miri! He would give her anything she wanted without hesitation, and he worries about her. He would never treat her the way he was treated!”

“I know that.” Kyu answers. “And you know that. But does Rei know that?”

Kazuki feels the blood in his veins turn to ice as he considers Kyu’s point. Does Rei know that he’s nothing like his father? Does he know that the only thing Miri wants from him is just for him to try? So what if he fumbles and makes the most ridiculous rice balls Kazuki has ever heard of? Miri will love it and Kazuki’s heart will melt in his chest as he watches the way Rei tries not to smile.

But at the same time, Kazuki knows that Kyu is on to something and honestly, he feels a little silly for not having figured it out himself. Kazuki had been the one to join up with Rei almost immediately after Rei had moved out of his family’s estate, he had seen first hand all the damage that had been done to Rei and his heart. And maybe it was because Kazuki generally thought of Rei as numb that he didn’t consider the possibility of Rei being scared, but even that doesn’t sit right with him. Because Rei hasn’t been numb for a long time, now.

In the beginning he had been, completely and utterly without an opinion at any point. He moved like a robot, did what he was told, and kept to himself all the rest of the time. It was months before Kazuki found out that there were foods that Rei didn’t like and even longer before the first time he heard Rei laugh. But now Kazuki did know Rei’s food preferences, knew what his laugh sounded like, had seen the warmth of his smile. Now he knew that Rei could play the piano, and he napped like a cat in the sunlight during long summer afternoons. Now he knew that Rei had a quick wit, he just had to listen closely to hear the quips. Rei even sought him out now, inviting him to play games or just seating himself at the table while Kazuki worked on something. He may still do bizarre shit like sleep in the bathtub, but he also valued human connection now.

Rei wasn’t the cold, isolated, shut-down person he had been when they first met. And now that they had Miri, he was changing even more right before Kazuki’s eyes. He was softening, warming, learning how to be responsible. He was learning to give bits of himself to someone else— he just never seemed to realize that he had those bits to give.

“So that’s it…” Kazuki whispers, thinking of all the times Rei hesitated when Miri asked him to do something.

He wanted so badly to make Miri happy that he was paralyzed by his fear that he couldn’t bring her that desired happiness. He wanted so badly for Miri to have the kind of childhood he never had that he had convinced himself that he needed to be uninvolved, lest he bring the same tragedy to her, too. Every time Rei hesitated, or pushed her off onto Kazuki instead, it came from a genuinely selfless desire for Miri to have the best, and a genuine belief that he could never the best that Miri deserved.

It’s so obvious, Kazuki wants to kick himself for not seeing it. It’s so fucking stupid, Kazuki wants to kick Rei for believing that he was anything other than a gift to both him and Miri. He wanted to kick Rei for not seeing how much they both loved him, how happy everyone was when he involved himself in something. He wanted to kick Rei for not recognizing that Miri felt safe with him, something that he never would’ve been able to say about his own dad.

“Thanks, Kyu.” Kazuki says as he stands abruptly, the chair scraping behind him.

Kyu probably says something in response, but Kazuki is already halfway out the door.

—x

When Kazuki makes it home, he finds Rei seated on the couch, controller in hand, tv muted as he plays his games in clear attempt to not wake Miri who is sprawled out across his lap. Even from the doorway, Kazuki can see Miri’s small smile in her sleep, her cheek smooshed against Rei’s leg, her arm thrown over his lap.

“Welcome back,” Rei says quietly as Kazuki crosses into the apartment fully.

The apartment isn’t as clean as Kazuki would’ve had it if he’d been home all day, but it’s also not the disaster he had expected it to be. There was clearly at least some attempt to clean that had been made, and that realization alone makes Kazuki’s throat tighten.

“Have you guys eaten dinner?” Kazuki asks, clearing his throat when his words come out a little strangled.

Rei has completely paused his game and is regarding Kazuki wearily, obviously hesitant after Kazuki had stormed out this morning. “There were leftovers.”

“And you actually heated them up this time?” Kazuki teases.

The joke seems to diffuse some of Rei’s hesitation and he rolls his eyes, refusing to dignify the comment with a response. Instead, he just turns back to the tv and resumes his game. But even as he’s playing, Kazuki can feel the way Rei is keeping tabs on him out of the corner of his eye.

Kazuki continues to stand awkwardly at the edge of the couch for a few long seconds, trying to decide how to go about the conversation he wants to have. When Rei pauses his game a second time and turns to him with raised eyebrows and a frown, he decides there isn’t a tactful way to go about it and chooses to just dive on in.

“Rei, you know that you’re nothing like your father, right?” Kazuki says, his voice quiet. He can’t quite bring himself to meet Rei’s eyes, but he’s still looking in Rei’s direction.

Which means that he sees the way Rei’s lips part in surprise, his eyebrows rising. “What?”

“That’s what all this is, right?” Kazuki asks, gesturing vaguely to where Miri is curled up against him, feeling his heart swell as Rei looks down at her and his eyes soften. “All the things you refuse to do with her— it’s because you think you’re doing to be a shit father like he was, isn’t it?”

Rei is quiet for a long second and this time, the conflicting emotions are so clear on his face that anyone would be able to see them, not just Kazuki. Kazuki had learned a long time ago to give Rei time and space when waiting for a response and so that’s what he does— he waits quietly until Rei pulls together wherever it is that he wants to say.

And even though Kazuki expects his response to be heartbreaking, he’s not prepared for how it hurts.

“I didn’t have a good childhood.” Rei glances up, but then immediately glances away when he noticed Kazuki’s attention. “I was raised to be an assassin. And assassins don’t smile, they don’t laugh, they don’t get to experience or enjoy life. That’s— that’s all I know and I don’t want that for Miri.”

Honestly, if Miri weren’t in his lap, Kazuki doesn’t think he’d be able to stop himself from dragging Rei into a hug.

“I’ve met your dad.” Kazuki concedes with an inclination of the head, his throat so tight that it burns. “He’s not warm or patient, he’s not gentle or caring. But Rei, you are. You always have been, even before we had Miri.” Rei’s head snaps in his direction, his eyes wide as he listens. “You’ve always been the one to bandage my wounds, or to take care of me when I’m sick. You’ve always put my safety first on a job.”

“That’s different—“

“No it’s not.” Kazuki interrupts before Rei can say anything else. “For the childhood you had, those things are monumental. And I’m so proud of you for them.”

Rei swallows and looks away. “That doesn’t mean I can do shit like cook bentos and heal broken hearts.”

“Do you remember what you said to me the first time I tried to bandage one of your wounds?” Kazuki ducks his head a little to catch Rei’s eyes.

“That you sucked at it.”

“That I would get better if I practiced,” Kazuki recalls, completely ignoring Rei’s quip. It's actually not that uncommon for Kazuki to remember that day, because Rei's words had been so gentle and unexpected. For a guy who had been nothing but quiet and isolated since they had met, he'd been so quick to try to encourage and reassure Katsuki. "You told me that trying was all that mattered and if I kept trying, I would be good in no time."

Kazuki watches as the point strikes home, as Rei's shoulders hunch up to his ears in a last ditch defense. He watches as Rei shifts, just a little, as if trying to get away from the thought. But he has Miri in his lap and wouldn't risk disturbing her.

"I—"

"Rei." Kazuki finally crosses the distance between them and crouches in front of the couch. He has one hand placed on Rei's knee, the other gently on Miri's back. She stirs in her sleep, her smile growing as if she can feel both of her papas there. She snuggles closer to Rei. "Don't you see that you've already been trying? That's why Miri and I love you so much."

Rei's breath hitches and Kazuki can't stop a wobbly smile as he looks up at Rei's shocked face. "You guys—?"

"Love you?" Kazuki repeats, laughing a little. "Thanks for noticing."

"Kazuki..." Rei meets his gaze, even if he still looks a little uncomfortable. His hand finds Kazuki's where it rests on Miri's back, warm as his fingers thread through Kazuki's. "Thanks."

Kazuki's heart beats so hard in his chest that he thinks it might break through his ribs entirely. He's been fortunate enough to love a lot of things in his life. His childhood may not have been great, but it hadn't robbed him of simple pleasures and joys the way Rei's had. Kazuki had been able to experience a lot of things and had been able to love a lot of people throughout his life, but he wasn't sure he'd ever loved anyone quite the way he loved Rei and this family they had created. Because this was the kind of thing that defied all odds, this was the kind of thing that absolutely should not exist, but did. They fought tooth and nail every day to create a better life than the one they had both been given and it was moments like this where Kazuki really realized that they were succeeding.

"Now if you really don't want to be like your dad," Kazuki says as he tightens his fingers around Rei's, "You can learn to do things like the dishes, and how to style Miri's hair."

Rei rolls his eyes, but his smile is the biggest Kazuki has ever seen and it's definitively warm and content. It makes Kazuki think his heart might burst instead, but he loves the feeling. He smiles back at Rei, starting to press back up into a standing position.

But Rei's hand on his his firm, and it doesn't allow Kazuki to go far.

Kazuki pauses, halfway to a standing position, hunched over as he looks at Rei.

"For the record," Rei is looking down at their conjoined hands, his cheeks dusted the same pink as Miri's shirt. "I love you guys, too."

This time, it's Kazuki's breath that gets caught in his throat as he waits for Rei to look up at him. "Yeah?"

Rei sets down his controller from his other hand, reaching out for Kazuki. Kazuki comes willingly, easily, leaning into the space above Miri's head. Kazuki has been lucky enough to love a lot of things in his life, but he's never loved something quite the way he loves kissing Rei with their daughter between them. He's never loved something quite as much as he loves the delighted laugh Miri lets out as she wakes up to her dads kissing above her, the way she throws her arms around both of their necks demanding her own kisses.

And he's definitely never loved anything as much as he loves watching Rei lean in to press a kiss to Miri's cheek, Miri's eyes sparkling as she babbles about how much she loves her papas.

The world may not have been kind to either of them in the past, but they were building a new world of their own and Kazuki was certain that they could change, could break the molds that had been cast for them. With enough love and dedication, he was certain that they could turn their future into anything they wanted it to be. And the way Rei was looking back at him over Miri's head suggested that for the first time, he believed those things, too.

[foundouthatdabiistouyatodoroki]

"You're not the only one who didn't really see him"

There are nuances to what she said to “didn’t look at him either" This has been already answered by many meta writers in the fandom. I will answer this ask to the best of my abilities.

To examine what she said, let’s take a look at Rei’s background for better clarification on her character.

On the first panel, there’s a Japanese miniature garden in the background, and on the one page is Rei’s parent’s explanation of the Himura family. 

Judging from the explanation of the Himura history and the small panel of the miniature garden in the background, Rei came from a traditional conservative family one that held on to old costumes and traditions

Are they poor?

Touya’s comment about Rei's family sounds inaccurate to describe her family situation. I believe that they are not. Judging from the background I would say they have enough money to sustain themselves; from the explanation they gave to Endeavor they were not poor, they just fell out of power.

These panels say a lot about Rei’s family; this page only gave us a glimpse of their personalities. 

Her family takes pride in themselves as Himuras. The way they talked showed they care more about the Himura name than their own daughter’s individuality. They valued the Himura name over the needs of their daughter.

Shoto said that Endeavor made her family agree to the marriage but in reality, they happily accepted the marriage.

They gladly welcome Endeavor in because they see this marriage as an opportunity to increase their influence.

When Rei told Endevoir she agreed to the marriage for her family’s sake, this means wasn’t out of love, it was out of obligation.

Often old fashioned rich families are all about rules and duty. Since Rei was a Himura woman she had a duty to follow the wishes of the Himura family she agreed to this marriage out of the duty of a Himura woman.

Rei never wanted to marry Endeavor. You can see how unhappy she is in these panels and how she resigned to her situation

She knew as a Himura woman she didn’t have too much of a choice but in reality, she did.

I said before that rei and endeavors marriage is a “miai” a "potential meeting interview that may lead to marriage” and here’s the thing you can refuse the marriage it said potential marriage, not marriage so you can refuse it if it doesn’t go well Rei can refuse the marriage meeting but she didn’t; she only agreed out of expectations of her parents.

She was okay with Touya and Fuyumi: that’s a fact,

She was against having more children; that’s a fact. She knew it would hurt Touya.

The reason she was forced to have more children was out of fear of her husband.

She yielded to Endeavor’s demands because she was terrified of Endeavor’s obsession.

In these following panels, the look in Rei’s eyes showed how she’s afraid of her husband.

There was a reason she didn’t go to Touya: it's because she knew that Touya only wanted to Endeavor to look at him. 

She must have been aware of others’ desires to some extent; she must have known what her parents wanted and knew what Endeavor was using her for. If she was able to scathingly reply that Endeavor is running away then she is aware of others’ feelings to some extent.

If she was able to tell off Endeavor why did she fail with Touya well… let’s examine the infamous Touya and Rei scene:

Rei, finding her son about to go out to train, attempted to stop him from going out. She managed to stop Touya by asking this question.

The reason why he paused from the question is that the first time someone asked him what he wanted. This question pierced his obsession with living up to the ideal successor his father burdened him. It’s cathartic because it showed a little more self-awareness on Touya’s part: she asked what he wanted and it almost succeeded in stopping Touya but the next… She ruined it at this moment.

You think she’s saying this to Touya but she might say this to herself.

This had nothing to do with Touya. It's all about Rei’s perspective. She focused not on Touya’s feelings but her perspective on all of this. She focuses on how she feels than her problems, on how she feels trapped in her marriage Endeavor and is suffering from it. This is more about Rei than about Touya.

Her words ignore Touya’s problems and goals: he does want to be a hero but he wanted to be good enough in his father’s eyes. She didn’t address Touya’s emotional needs and understand his pain and failed to do so her inability to understand her sons perspective and inability to acknowledge her own mistakes

In contrast to what she says are her actions. She did the same thing she told him not to do, the best example is with her marriage to Endeavor. She never wanted the marriage but agreed out of her parents’ urging. She went along with what her parents wanted for her. She went along with the marriage knowing full well it was a quirk marriage and knew fully well that Endeavor wanted her genetics to create a perfect heir.

She did whatever others told her she yielded to others’ demands of her like she did out of her family and Endeavor’s expectations of her. She continued to play along with the situation until it worsened over time.

To make matters worse, her words "to look beyond his father" sounded like the same thing Endeavor said to Touya 5 years earlier. She didn’t practice what she preached: her advice highlights her flaw she didn’t want to notice.

Rei said not to follow the path his parents set out for him but she did the very thing that her parents set out for her. She pulled the entire do what I say not what I do out on Touya. Her entire advice comes off as hypocritical and that’s what her son called her out on.

He was not wrong: she is responsible for his suffering too for putting Touya through this path. 

That’s why her son’s words shocked her: because he’s right and it hurt to hear the reason why it hurt is that it was true his death after she was hospitalized, hurt her so much because she realized that she failed her child.

In a small dialogue, we get to hear Rei’s thoughts confronted with the truth. It made her vulnerable to the abuse when she began to associate that stare with her abuser leading to her mental breakdown

People in abusive relationships tend to downplay their suffering. She attempted to downplay it; she deluded herself by convincing herself it’s not that bad when in reality it was. She hid how unhappy she was underneath.

She thought she didn’t have a choice but she did have a choice and didn’t act. Touya too was wrong about her not having a choice. Despite knowing the truth she was so passive and complacent to the problems in the Todoroki household and allowed it to happen she was too passive to her situation and never acted she allowed it to happen. It's because she lacked any sort of self-awareness and confrontation in addressing the abuse. This made her not realize how much pain Touya was in.  

She sees the rest of her children as manifestations of her mistakes. She doesn’t like to know she made mistakes, especially ones that hurt others as a consequence she didn’t want to see her problems. She couldn’t look at him because doing so would mean she would have to face her mistake and it hurt her so much.

So the whole reason why she didn’t look at Touya is that she views Touya as the epitome of her mistakes and she is one of the reasons he’s suffering. It hurts to look at him because a lot like to admit she made mistakes and she was just as responsible for them.

[fallen-in-dreams]

Moving On

Also on AO3. Pairing: Sasuke/Hinata. Summary: Everyone was lying to her. Killing her with kindness. Shielding her from the pain they all know is coming. But now it was time for some hard-hitting truths. And from the most unlikely source. SasuHina.Post-war. Prompt: Day 25: The Season of Grief. Rated: T. Words: 7,566. Status: Complete.

Author note: Angst and Hinata POV as she slowly comes to the realisation that she can’t have the life she’d been planning for. The Season of Grief = The Five Stages of Grief. The grief of losing the love she used to have.

Warnings/tags: One-sided SasuSaku. One-sided NaruHina. Naruto/OC. Angst with denial, pining, and romantic existential crisis. But with a happy ending.

Thank-you so much @sasuhinamonth​ for hosting this. I'm later than I’d planned, sorry. Hope that’s okay. :)

“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you.” – Unknown

.

Denial.

.

Life was a series of choices.

For example, Hinata Hyuuga could choose to accept the arranged marriage her father had planned for her, or she could refuse to sign on the dotted line and hold out for love. She chose the latter. She was sure that fourth cousin her father had in mind for her was a nice man, but she wasn’t interested. And after surviving the war and learning to defend herself better emotionally, the last thing she wanted was to regress into the dutiful daughter who never complained. She was finally in control of her own life.

And she was still waiting on Naruto-kun.

Hinata was tired of the sad looks her clansmen would give her when she rebuffed their advances. Centuries of marrying their third or fourth cousins had instilled it too deeply in them that they couldn’t live any other way. Naruto had taught her she could do better, and she was determined to do so.

All of her choices to move forward were the reason Hanabi had been named Clan Heiress. She was already being prepped for it before the war, but their father’s insistence on an arranged marriage was the final straw. Hinata had been officially removed from the running. She would’ve been concerned about being branded with the Branch’s Curse Seal if Naruto hadn’t been so vocal in his disagreement about the practice. The Leaf hero’s words resonated with the village, and Lord Hokage started negotiations to prevent further sealings. Kakashi had also made motions to have those who currently bore the juinjutsu to be released from it. It would take a few more years to fully circumvent it, as the seal hadn’t been designed to be removed, but it was a step forward for the clan. A hope for a better future.

Everything Neji had wanted.

Hinata couldn’t be happier. She only wished to share in that future with Naruto. He was her hero. And the love of her life. She just needed to be more patient with him. But it was frustrating some days. She tried to talk to him and only succeeded when they were alone. Around friends and in crowds, he was so distracted by everyone. One-on-one he became fidgety, but she just chalked that up to him not being very good with girls. He’d stopped asking Sakura out, and the two were nothing more than friends, and he hadn’t asked anyone out. He was just shy.

Hinata already had a plan in place to ask him out herself. She just needed to work up for her own confidence to do so. Someone had to get this relationship going. In the meantime, she daydreamed about how it was going to go. But her days were lonely right now. Waiting. Patiently. And never quite making that important step forward. She had her family and friends and teammates but wanted more.

Her heart could only take so much.

“I just need to be brave.”

Hinata wasn’t brave, emotionally. In dire moments and with important things and people on the line, she knew how to be brave. Adrenaline and determination got her a long way. But in the aftermath, she found herself succumbing to the fear of rejection and crippling shyness.

“Yes, you do.”

She started, realising she’d said that out loud, in front of her sister. She’d been so lost in her thoughts and forgotten where she was for a moment. Hanabi was sitting across from her, the low serving table between them, ignoring the servants as they poured the tea for her before turning to her older sister. Hinata’s sister was clutching a half-finished kimono to her lap and lazily sewing at the hem of it. For such a skilled fighter, her movements were surprisingly delicate.

This was a weekly thing for them. Every Sunday at lunch, when their father was too busy with clan duties to interrupt or overhear them, they would talk to each other about anything or anyone, and when the Hyuuga servants left, even gossip sometimes. Hanabi had been carrying that kimono around all week, taking her time with building on it. Hinata knew her sister well enough to know it was a project with no defined outcome. She was just adding to it at her own leisure. Who knew what it would look like when she was finally done?

Hinata delicately sipped at her tea as Hanabi continued to ignore her own; her eyes narrowing as she focused intensely on the needle and thread. Her sister had developed a habit of people watching, since the war ended. And her insight was far sharper than anyone that Hinata knew. It made her feel insignificant.

“Spoken to Naruto lately?”

Hinata nodded. It was a silent lie. But she could’ve easily ran into him a few days ago if she wanted to so she didn’t see the point in saying otherwise. He was very busy with missions and handling Sasuke. The Uchiha’s release from jail had come as no surprise, given who was Hokage now. Kakashi had always had unwavering faith that he’d return. Just as Naruto did. Sakura… Hinata had seen her waver. But she was more confident now than ever about their team returning as family. Hinata only hoped that when she started dating Naruto herself, that it didn’t upset their dynamic.

“You’re grieving.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow at that. “What am I grieving?”

Her sister smiled. “Love.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Naruto-kun isn’t the smartest person,” Hanabi said. “And I think you know that.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

Her sister smiled. Again. A knowing smile that Hinata didn’t appreciate. But she said nothing of it and returned to watching Hanabi’s expert hands as she weaved the thread in and out of the kimono. This was a hobby for the younger sister. They’d both learned how to sew traditional garments as well as fix them, when they were still barely able to fight. It was second nature to them both. But Hanabi found a kind of peace to the process that Hinata never could.

“Father wishes you to marry soon.”

“And you?”

Hanabi shook her head. “A few more years, perhaps. When I’m ready to begin training to take over the clan.”

She was still too young to learn everything. Given that Hiashi was nowhere near retiring, it didn’t serve any purpose to put her through those rigorous trials just yet. But Hinata was surprised their father wasn’t thinking about grandchildren yet. At least not from his heiress.

Hanabi put the kimono down and finally sipped at her tea. “How do you feel about Naruto-kun?”

“I love him?”

It was immediate and instinctive, but it sounded more like a question than a statement. Hanabi didn’t react to the questioning tone of her voice. She just gave her older sister a look that told her she was questioning her for more than just curiosity.

“Are you sure, Oneesan?”

She had convinced herself so thoroughly that it was going to happen. Hinata brushed at the hem of the sleeve of her Yukata. Was she? Did she?

Yes.

She still loved Naruto-kun. Of course, she did. She’d gone through too much to just suddenly stop caring about him. He was in her heart. Just like Neji still was.

Was.

“I asked him out.”

“What did he say?”

“He said ‘let’s go to Ichiraku’.” He also said, “that bum Sasuke can pay for mine this time,” but she didn’t see how that was relevant. It was a date. And only two people could go on a date at the same time.

Right?

“Will the rest of Team Kakashi be there?”

Hinata opened her mouth to answer then shut it, her eye twitching in annoyance. She calmed herself and shook her head. “Of course not.”

She didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Hinata glanced at the clock on the wall. They normally took tea, and then lunch, all awhile talking of friends and goals. It was funny to her that they’d never done this until recently. What exactly was the point before now?

Hanabi placed her tea down, almost finished. “We should have the food brought in, before it gets cold.”

Hinata nodded mechanically and waited for the servants to finish setting the table before disappearing. They could not be overheard in this room by anyone who wasn’t already in it. The jutsu that allowed this privacy had been in place since long before either of them were born.

Hanabi started talking about a jutsu that their father wanted to teach them and Hinata calmly dug into her Udon noodles. Silence eventually fell until they were both done. After the servants retrieved the plates, Hanabi went right back to pressing and hemming the edges of the kimono in her hand.

“Sasuke-kun walked by the compound again this morning.”

“Hm?” Hinata sat up straighter at that.

“He’s been doing that a lot lately,” Hanabi mused. “But not last week when you were staying over Sakura’s.”

For Ino’s surprise party sleepover. Which was Sakura’s idea.

Hinata hadn’t slept in her own bed for two nights. It was a first for her, for a long time.

“Sasuke-kun looks in here too. Like he’s searching for something. It’s a barely noticeable glance, but I’ve been staking out the gates.”

“Do you like him?” Hinata was surprised at her sister as well as the strange clenching of her gut.

Hanabi scoffed. “No. But ever since I first saw him watching you training with your team after he got out of prison, I’ve been noticing he does that with you a lot.”

Hinata scoffed. “Don’t be silly.”

“Yeah, you’re right. He’s probably just plotting to kill you.” Hanabi ignored her sister’s worried expression. “Or wondering why you always look so sad these days.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m not.”

Hanabi set the unfinished kimono down and stared her sister straight in the eyes. “Do you love him?”

“Who?” Hinata hated how her voice rose a few octaves.

“Naruto-kun.”

“Yes,” she said. “I love him.”

She would wait for Naruto. For him to come to terms with what had happened and realise they were meant to be together. Hinata would be the quiet voice he can’t block out because he loves her so much. No matter that he had already had numerous occasions to prove it to her. Even someone as clueless as him couldn’t not know how she felt. She just needed to give him a push in the right direction.

That’s what I have to do.

And she went right on back to pretending she didn’t see the pitying look on her sister’s face.

  .:.

  Anger.

.

The restaurant was noisy by the time Hinata arrived, dressed up and twisting her fingers nervously. She looked up into the colourful lights that decorated the restaurant of choice. Night-time made this place come alive in a way that surprised patrons that saw it for the first time. This was also one of the newer restaurants that opened after the war. So many things had changed, and so fast and it felt like Konoha was quickly becoming a very different village. Kakashi had authorised integral changes and Hinata could see the village one day becoming as large as a city. She was kind of nervous about that. Their population was steadily growing too, even only a year out.

She sighed and stepped forward in the waiting line. Naruto had said he’d come about seven and it was only a few minutes before. Hinata had spent the last hour already dressed for this date. Her stomach had twisted, making her throw up twice, before that. The line moved again, and she found herself at the head of it faster than her nerves could handle.

It’s finally happening.

“May I help you?”

Hinata cleared her throat. “Party for two. Under the name Hinata Hyuuga.”

The server looked through her list and her eyes widened in surprise. “I’m sorry, we were told that was a party of four.”

“A-are you sure?”

The woman turned the clipboard to show her. When Hinata had asked Naruto to make the arrangement, because she’d been called away by her father, she’d assumed he had made it just for the two of them. It was supposed to be a date… right? When the venue was changed from Ichiraku to The Sannin Sushi House she assumed this was finally going to be more intimate.

Hinata swallowed heavily. “I-I, uh. He must’ve made a mistake.”

The server nodded her head in understanding. “Yes, but unfortunately, we can’t change your table. There aren’t any spare ones tonight.”

The sound of the other patrons hit her then, reminding her of how loud and full the restaurant was. She just nodded and Hinata went along with it, hiding her disappointment. They would just have to do with a larger table between them. A voice in the back of her head scoffed at her.

Who else is coming tonight?

Maybe Naruto had misheard her? She didn’t understand how he could have but it had to have been a mistake. She shook her head, chastising herself for worrying over something so trivial. She was stronger than this.

“Thank-you,” she bowed to the server. “Where is the table?”

Hinata followed the woman and settled into the chair that gave her the best view of the restaurant entrance. She was already on edge, with the change in her plans, and worried that something else might sneak up behind her if she wasn’t careful. All the courage she’d learned from Naruto-kun had boiled off and she needed to get a hold of herself.

“Dining alone, again?”

Hinata gave a start at the familiar voice. “Sasuke-kun,” she said softly.

Why is he here?

Did this mean Naruto had invited him too? No, that didn’t make any sense.

The Uchiha slid into the chair across from her. This was one of the non-self-serve restaurants that had popped up in Konoha in the last twelve months and as a result the space between them, under the table, was minimal. His foot accidentally brushed against hers and she started again.

“A-are you here–”

“Hm. Naruto said he’d pay this time if I turned up early.”

They got dinner together a lot, then? Hinata struggled not to lose the soft smile she’d plastered to her face. It was only natural that Naruto would make time for his former teammate who was also his best friend. This didn’t mean he was avoiding her.

Of course not. Why would I even think such a thing?

“W-where is Sakura-san?”

Sasuke picked up the menu in front of him and lazily perused it, not answering her question. He didn’t look over at her when she repeated the question and began tapping the table with the menu absentmindedly. She wondered what was going through his head. After a few minutes, she’d had enough.

“Why are you here?”

Now, he looked up at her. “There are no more free tables.”

Is he making fun of me?

She assumed he was a joking. He had to be. This was supposed to be just her and Naruto. Sasuke was ruining everything. She didn’t want to burst that out at him, but it did really feel like he was getting in the way deliberately. Hanabi’s words to her the other day about Sasuke following her around popped into her head, but that was ridiculous. Everyone knew he was dating Sakura, just like Hinata hoped to begin dating Naruto. Why else would Sakura be so adamant something was going to happen between them?

“He’s just shy, Hinata,” the pinkette had told her yesterday. “And we’re going out tomorrow night anyway.”

Tomorrow night is tonight, she reminded herself. So where is Sakura?

A waitress sidled up to their table, giving Sasuke a once over with her eyes before asking them for their orders.

“Pork Katsu Curry,” Sasuke said. “With a side of Kani Salad and Green Tea.”

“Certainly, handsome.” The waitress turned to Hinata. “And you, sweetie?”

Hinata felt very uncomfortable under the stare they were both giving her. It felt like she was on a date with Sasuke, not Naruto. She didn’t know how to handle this. It felt like the world had just tipped on its axis. When she was this uncomfortable, Hinata usually just caved to whatever was expected of her. But she didn’t want to keep doing that with the important things in her life. However, this was too public and sensitive a venue for her to start putting her foot down without repercussions. Saying anything about her disappointment and desire to get rid of them both would only make her regret it later.

She blinked heavily. Uh, right. They were still looking at her expectantly. Though Sasuke’s eyes were occasionally drifting off to the side like he was embarrassed, but he still looked more bored than anything.

“Miso Soup,” she said finally, going with something she knew well. Hinata wasn’t hungry enough for a side, but she didn’t want them to think she was angry with them. “And M-Moyashi Salad on the side.” She cleared her throat. “And just some water, please.”

The waitress read their orders back to them then winked. “That’ll be ready in a jiffy. You two lovebirds let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

Hinata’s skin flushed crimson and she lowered her gaze to the table, not daring to see Sasuke’s reaction to that.

“How long until Naruto-kun arrives, do you think?”

Sasuke glanced over at her and shrugged, then leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands, now staring at her. It was making her uncomfortable, so she looked back down again. They remained that way, in silence, for a while. Hinata entertained herself by counting the tassels on the edge of the tablecloth. Over and over again.

“You…”

Hinata looked up quickly as Sasuke trailed off, the look on his face suddenly uncertain. Before she could ask him what he was going to say, the waitress returned with their orders. She felt herself turning beet red, realising they’d been sitting like this for at least ten minutes. The waitress was eyeing them curiously, like one would a couple of bugs under a microscope.

“Thank-you,” they both said at the same time.

Hinata sighed deeply as the waitress bowed to them. She was eerily silent this time and moved away quickly.

“I think we unnerve her,” she said softly.

Sasuke glanced at the woman’s retreating back before digging into his food. For him, it was digging in. Hinata had been in many group outings with Team Kakashi since the war ended and Sasuke was allowed free reign of the village. He ate like a nobleman; picky and proper. Not at all like Naruto.

She sighed again and picked up the bowl with her Miso Soup. If he wasn’t going to turn up, she might as well enjoy the night air and good food. They ate in silence and Hinata slowly settled her nerves, finding the quiet between them a comfortable surprise. The loud noises in the restaurant didn’t bother her anymore and she proceeded to escape into her own little world, just thinking about things.

Her father had been asking her about her future lately, instead of telling her what it would entail. She was finally having conversations with him in which taking part meant that she could approach the subject matter honestly. He’d even stopped asking her about her love life. (His attempt at a marriage of convenience notwithstanding.) Hinata put her bowl down and glanced over at Sasuke. It seemed nobody had a handle on their love life lately.

“Are you…” She hesitated when Sasuke put down his spoon and she suddenly had his full attention. “Um. I thought you were coming here with Sakura-san on a date.” He shook his head. “She, uh, said so yesterday.”

Was that a smirk? Whatever it was, it was gone a moment later.

“Sakura…” he cocked his head to the side. “She has different ideas on what an invitation out with friends means.”

Hinata understood what he meant but frowned softly. Everyone knew that Sakura was obsessed with Sasuke and saw any attention from him as evidence of their undying love. A simple invitation with Team Kakashi could set her off on a soliloquy about star-crossed love. But that didn’t explain why she wasn’t here. Her absence made even less sense than Naruto’s.

Sasuke sighed, obviously realising she wanted to know more. He sat back in his chair heavily.

“I… told her we were meeting at Ichiraku’s.”

“You…”

He told Sakura the wrong place on purpose. He had no intention of being honest with her. Was it a trick? Or just him being a douche? Hinata narrowed her eyes at Sasuke. A familiar feeling of annoyance rose up inside her and if she’d been paying attention to why this bothered her so much, she’d have realised Sasuke was giving Sakura the same kind of brush off that Naruto had done to Hinata.

But she couldn’t bring herself to yell at him either. She ground her teeth. “Take it from me, Sasuke-kun, you wouldn’t like someone you care about doing that to you.”

“Don’t call me Sasuke-kun.”

He hated honorifics.

“You have no idea.” He said it like he’d come to some kind of existential realisation.

“About what?”

“You’re quiet and shy and sweet to everyone. Always putting yourself down and picking up everyone else.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. Sasuke continued, now leaning forward and pointing at her like he was her sensei, and she was a naughty genin who refused to listen.

“Despite having such a powerful dojutsu, you don’t even see what’s happening right in front of you. Naruto has obviously left you in the dirt, but you keep holding out hope he’ll come around.” She fidgeted as he continued to reprimand her. “Face it: he lied to you.”

“He was just trying to spare my feelings.” Her voice sounded hollow, even to her.

Sasuke scoffed. “By dragging the decision out.”

“What are you doing to S-Sakura-san?”

“That’s different,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “I’ve told her I’m not interested but she won’t take the hint.”

“Naruto-kun’s–”

“He’s a dobe. And he isn’t going to date you, no matter what you think.”

“How can you call him your friend and speak of him like this? I thought you cared–”

“I never said I cared about him.”

“I suppose you expect me to believe that?”

“I’m not the only one running away from the truth.”

“No, you’re perfect,” she said, spitting out the last word.

He smiled at that. Genuinely. Her frustration seemed to amuse him.

“Why are you saying these things to me?” She asked, clenching her fists and glaring openly at him.

“Because no-one else will,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Least of all the one person who should.”

But why did he have to be so rude about it?

He levelled her with the most intense non-glare stare she’d ever seen from him. “Kindness doesn’t seem to work on you.”

Damn. She’d asked that question out loud. Hinata couldn’t get a handle on the emotions bubbling up inside her. It was too painful. She’s waited for years. Held herself up high and given every inch of herself. But Sasuke knew Naruto better than she did. He said the blond had no intention of doing anything with her. He said that he was just a dobe who wasn’t telling her what she needed to hear. She was so furious now that Hinata couldn’t hear anything other than her own blood rushing in her ears.

How dare he?

“You are a low life.” Hinata could hardly believe the words were out of her mouth as she stood up, her body shaking with anger. Sasuke just stared back at her, not surprised or offended one bit. “Sakura-san could do so much better than you.”

“Tell her that.”

She desperately wanted to throw her untouched water at him. But she reigned in that emotion, not wanting to cause a scene that could get back to her father. She’d already embarrassed herself enough. Instead, Hinata huffed, rifled in her purse and threw down just enough money to only pay for her own food. Naruto had apparently promised to pay for Sasuke, and he wasn’t here to do so. But that didn’t mean that she had to do it in his stead. Feeling quite unlike herself, she scowled at him before storming off.

Hinata didn’t see the genuine curiosity on his face at her actions. The small smile of interest she’d sparked. She could only see red. It would be hours before she could calm down enough to realise, he’d been right.

  .:.

  Bargaining.

.

If only she’d been stronger. And more forceful, like Sakura, then none of this would’ve happened. Her life had spiralled out of control. Before that dinner with Sasuke, Hinata could just go along and pretend that one day Naruto would ask her out for real, or at least take her asking seriously. He wasn’t in a relationship of his own, though – to her chagrin – his fangirls were still as stubborn as ever. And that lack of a relationship had given her hope.

Now she had all kinds of thoughts about what was really going on. And the truth was, that Sasuke was right. Naruto-kun wasn’t interested in her like that. It was still hard to grasp since she’d held onto it for so long and it didn’t feel real. They’d shared a moment during the war, holding hands and promising to be there for each other. She’d taken it as a declaration of love while he’d been talking about friendship. Granted, the kid of friendship you kill and die for, but friendship all the same.

I’m as bad as Sakura.

Or maybe only almost as bad as Sakura, since the pinkette was still talking Sasuke up to everyone. He’d made a scene the day after that dinner date (and she could admit that, although accidental, it had been a date), which should’ve put Sakura in her place. Hinata hadn’t seen either of them since then, so she didn’t know if it worked. But she had bigger fish to fry.

Hinata needed to regain control of this chaos she’d created. Maybe she was still in denial though, and it would explain why she’d deliberately made her way to Ichiraku’s, knowing he’d be there. He always was at lunchtime. Everyone knew that Naruto got up at nine o’clock, had breakfast (sometimes in his apartment and sometimes at Ichiraku’s), headed over to the training grounds where he’d work out (and sometimes spar, if any of his former teammates were available), then practically skip to Ichiraku’s for lunch. He’d spend anywhere from half an hour to an hour there, depending on how hungry he was and how many fangirls slowed him down. Then Naruto would promptly return to the training grounds for a few hours before tracking down his former teammates to see who wasn’t busy and then bug them until they either kicked him out or he got bored. If the sun hadn’t set yet he’d wander through the village, waving at people, being waved at, and stopping to talk to other Konoha Eleven members.

Sometimes he spent the late afternoon with Konohamaru and his friends. Then he’d go back to the training grounds and use the dark to hone his sensory skills. Naruto would go at it until he dropped, then drag his arse back home, eat, bathe, and finally sleep until morning.

His schedule was a little different sometimes, depending on his mood and available friends (Kakashi didn’t send him on many missions because he was too overpowered for most of them) but the lunchtime and when he started night-time training were like clockwork.

When he would find time to do the things he’d always gone on about, she didn’t know. But Hinata knew his current schedule because she was a stalker. It was obvious to her now. Nobody else followed him around like this. She wondered if he’d ever taken the time to notice. She needed to get a hold of this before she wasted her life away.

But Hinata couldn’t stop wondering what could’ve been if she’d approached Naruto right after the war instead of waiting for him to get into a routine of ignoring her. Maybe she’d have shown him just how right they were for each other. And he’d finally listen.

This was why she was walking toward the Ichiraku Ramen stand. It was why she stopped next to a stall of flowers and pretended to be interested in them as she watched the ramen stand in her peripherals. And why she didn’t move away the moment she realised he was on a date. Her stomach clenched, but it was a milder pain than she expected. Even so, it still threatened to bring a fresh bout of tears to her eyes to watch him with this girl.

Naruto was the only member of Team Kakashi at the stall. He stood outside, laughing and joking with someone that Hinata didn’t recognise. The girl was really pretty. With short auburn hair and a petite figure that her clothes highlighted, and her makeup complimented. What made Hinata realise it was a date was not only how the girl was dressed to the nines (Naruto, too, for him anyway), but also how he reciprocated when she ran her hand along his arm. He was blushing and trying to pull of the cool guy act. If this was just another fangirl, he wouldn’t put that much work into it, surely.

They talked and laughed a few minutes more before clasping hands and ducking under the flap to take their respective stools in Ichiraku.

Definitely a date.

Hinata let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and turned away from the flowers. The stall server was disappointed but quickly turned to another customer.

Story of my life.

A sudden flare of chakra had her spinning around and she found herself suddenly face to face with Sasuke Uchiha. Had he seen her stalking his friend? There was nothing but his usual aloof stare on his face as he silently appraised her. But she knew. He knew. And the shame of it made her body shake with both anger and humiliation. So, she did the only thing her body was willing to do in that moment.

Hinata ran away.

She took to the rooftops and pushed herself to her limit, trying to get away from Naruto. From Sasuke. Her tears dried on her face by the time she found herself at Team Eight’s old training ground. She wiped at them then found her favourite oak tree and sat down. Even under the shade, the sun was warm and comforting on her skin. She basked in it, closing her eyes.

This time, Hinata felt him arrive. But she didn’t feel childish enough to tell him to go away. She opened her bleary eyes and looked up at him, shielding her eyes from the sun. He looked radiant, with the curve of the blinding light almost silhouetting him. Sasuke moved forward to better block the rays and she lowered her arm.

“Why are you h-here?”

He moved out of the way of the sun and Hinata shaded her eyes quickly. Sasuke always did have a thing for being dramatic. She turned to look at him as he sat down on the grass next to her. He didn’t answer at first, staring up into the sun like it didn’t bother him at all. Nothing ever seemed to bother him. Finally, he sighed.

“I told you so.”

The floodgates opened. She broke down. Hinata couldn’t stop it. She pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged herself, her face in her knees as she cried. She wasn’t upset at him. Only herself. Hinata didn’t react when Sasuke shifted his bum to press his side against her and gave her a one-armed hug. Her head lolled to rest on his shoulder as he pulled her closer to himself, but she didn’t relent on the tears. His hand was large and warm against her, making Hinata cry even more.

Eventually, she stopped shaking and sniffled heavily.

She hated that he could get over their argument so easily and yet she was still plagued with doubts about how she’d acted. How rude he’d been. Hinata gave herself a few silent moments to compose herself before sliding out of his grip and wiping her face. Hinata rose shakily to her feet and gave him a slight bow.

“Thank-you Uchiha-san. I can see myself home now. Good day.”

He watched silently as she walked away solemnly.

  .:.

  Depression.

.

She avoided every member of Team Kakashi for weeks. Hinata couldn’t avoid Kakashi forever however, as the Hokage called her in for a pep talk – his version, rather, which was to ask her if she wanted a mission outside of Konoha. “To get away for a while. You could treat it like a vacation.”

Did everyone know about her problems? Kakashi probably just knew because of the other members of his former team, but it felt like a spotlight was suddenly shining on her and the whole world had gathered to watch her humiliation. She understood his concern. Hinata would think less of him if he hadn’t been. But she couldn’t deal with being this exposed right now.

“No thank-you, Hokage-sama,” she’d said, bowing lower than usual. “I am expected to join father in a mission soon and it would be disrespectful of me to leave Konoha right now.”

He just stared back at her for a moment but eventually nodded his head slowly.

Naruto’s voice interrupted them, suddenly bouncing off the walls as if he was standing right there and making Hinata jumped. But the loud blond was actually just booming down the hall outside.

“Hang on,” Kakashi said, then stood and disappeared out of the room.

Hinata could hear them talking, and Naruto’s whining voice and something about Ichiraku. Naruto yelled out, “woo-hoo!”.

Lord Hokage is trying to get rid of him for me.

But it sounded like he was too excited to get the hint.

Hinata couldn’t stand the pity. The deep, painful feeling that churned in her gut and worked its way up through her body like acid reflux. Hinata stumbled slightly from the physical shock of it. Kakashi meant well and she understood this, but it just made her feel so small.

She couldn’t let people cover for her anymore. Hinata realised that was what people had been doing. Trying to help her by keeping them apart. But all that had done was blind her to the truth. She loved her friends, but this was not the way to moving on. She had to be braver than this. Steeling herself, Hinata pushed her shoulders back and pushed the doors open, leaving the Hokage's office. Kakashi looked surprised to see her come out. His former student went silent upon seeing her, then started fidgeting.

“Hinata…” Naruto trailed off, rubbing the back of his head.

But Hinata ignored him, her chin high and face resolutely forward. She would not give herself the opening to fall back into the comfort of lies. She would not regress. She was stronger than this, damnit! Nobody said anything else as she left the Hokage Tower. When she was out of sight, Hinata finally breathed, shaking her arms to release the tension. Fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

“I need to go home,” she said to herself, shivering. A storm was on its way, and she didn’t want to walk home soaking wet. She picked up the pace and quickly entered the front gates of the Hyuuga compound. The rain started pelting down the moment they closed behind her, and she sighed deeply. The guards nodded to her, and she smiled at them with all the warmth she could muster.

The grounds of the Hyuuga compound were beautiful no matter what time of year it was. Even in the moist air they came alive. Hinata walked through the covered walkways between the houses, mulling over what she’d just done.

I ignored Naruto-kun.

She’d never done that before. And she had no idea how to deal with it. A part of her wanted to break down again. The other was feeling light as air. Free. Hinata could feel the emotion building up inside her again so hurried into her room and slid the door closed, before anyone could see her. She carefully placed her sandals on the shoe rack and pulled a coat from her wardrobe. The temperature had plummeted, so she sent out her chakra to get the attention of a servant and had them bring her a hot chocolate. Once she found herself alone, she sat on the window seat of her study and stared out through the glass window at the rain below her, hugging the hot chocolate to herself as she took tentative sips.

She was just daydreaming about figures dancing in the rain when she spotted something.

A figure walking in the rain. It was definitely male, his hands in his pockets and exuding chakra from his body to keep the rain at bay. She could sense it faintly, even from this distance. It reminded her of that mission so long ago when she’d been encased in crystal and would’ve died if she hadn’t expelled chakra from her chakra points. It was an easy thing for a Hyuuga to do, but this person wasn’t a Hyuuga.

They paused and looked up toward her. She couldn’t see his face clearly because of how hard the rain was coming down but Hinata was sure now: it was Sasuke. Hanabi was right. She kept watching as he slowly turned away and continued walking. Had he seen her? Did she want him to? Did it even matter?

Yes. Yes. And emphatic yes.

She had no idea why, but yes. Hinata wanted him to care enough to take the long way home that took him past the Hyuuga gates. He was the only one telling her the things she needed to hear. Even Hanabi’s questions weren’t as blunt as they should be. Sasuke was the only one not pitying her. She found she hated pity. She appreciated him so much in that moment. More than she’d appreciated him before.

Hinata swallowed heavily, palming her hand against the glass windowpane as his figure disappeared into the haze of the heavy rain.

“Sasuke.”

  .:.

  Acceptance.

.

All she felt now was exhaustion. She had just run a marathon and dragged herself through most of it, but eventually the energy would return. Her body would recover, and her mind would follow suit. She hoped. She had put so much of her energy into the life she’d imagined with Naruto.

Hinata was surprised she hadn’t snapped much earlier. Looking back, it was obvious this wasn’t going to happen.

He hadn’t left her for someone else. Because they’d never been an item. Her heart still wrenched at the thought of what might’ve been, but she was finally taking those steps to let him go. She had no business shoving him into her heart anyway. Hanabi told her, “You’re finally accepting your grief” when she told her and gave her the warmest hug she’d ever received. It almost made her break down again.

Then Hanabi asked her about Sasuke.

“Sasuke-kun?”

He looked up as she approached, seemingly surprised that she’d sought him out this time. Normally it was him hounding her. No, that wasn’t the right word. He didn’t hound her. He wasn’t some obsessed fanboy. She smiled at that. No, Sasuke was a good friend. She swallowed heavily at the weird sensation that sentence had induce in her gut.

Friend.

The word didn’t sound right either.

So, she’d tracked him down, only to find him in the Uchiha compound graveyard. She almost turned around and left right then, to give him privacy, but figured if he could interrupt her when she was doing something important then she could do the same.

“Hinata?”

He didn’t complain as she knelt next to him and offered a prayer to the headstone he was sitting in front of. It had his parents name on it. She closed her eyes and silently wished them well in the afterlife, then opened her eyes and turned to look at him.

“I was looking for you.”

“Obviously. Why?”

She smiled. “Why not?”

He scoffed, but she didn’t lose her smile. He stared back at her before finally relenting and offering up his own light smile. They both turned back to the headstone and silence reigned for a while. It was comfortable and companionable.

“I’m leaving Konoha.”

She was surprised. “Where will you go?”

“I have a mission.”

Hinata frowned. “Lord Hokage is letting you on missions outside the village?”

He pulled a face and she almost giggled. “Kakashi has little choice.”

This told Hinata that the mission was international. She was suddenly burning with curiosity, but held back because, likely, it was top-secret. And she wasn’t in the know on top-secret missions. The inner circle of the Hokage was always a tight, handful of people and this Hokage was no different. She had no doubt that the rest of his former team knew what he was going to be doing.

“It’s just politics,” he offered, sitting back on his bum now and pulling mindlessly at the grass. “Nobody but I can do it, apparently.”

He didn’t look happy about it. Hinata was quite enjoying his openness right now.

“And it’s for an indefinite amount of time.”

She nodded but he wasn’t paying her any mind. It wasn’t personal so she didn’t take it to heart. She wondered how long he’d be gone. If Hinata was honest with herself, she was going to miss him. Before he got involved with her problems, she wouldn’t have really cared either way. But things were different now. Every day since that evening, she’d seen him in the rain, she’d sat at her window and watched him walk by. Every time he stopped and looked up at her, she swore she could feel his eyes on her. Like he knew she was watching him too.

“What’s the mission?”

Why did I just ask that?

She’d held back because it wasn’t her place. Was she really this desperate to know all about him?

Sasuke stood slowly and stared down at her. “Agree to come with me first.”

“What?” She scrambled to her feet.

“Agree to come with me and I’ll tell you all about it.”

He was serious. She frowned. “But Hokage-sama–”

“Kakashi already offered you an out. He won’t complain about you finally taking it.”

“I’m not approved for the mission.”

“You don’t have to be.” He stepped closer to her, and she felt rooted to the spot. His eyes were intense on hers and in the back of her mind she realised she was seeing a side to Sasuke that few ever did. It was intense. The way he looked at her would haunt her dreams if she said no.

She shivered. If I take too long to answer, will he beg?

His comment had a “they don’t have to know” vibe. Like they were runaways. Star-crossed lovers. She felt herself flush at the thought of that. The idea of going with him sounded exciting if not terrifying. But the idea of staying here, not knowing when she would see him again, was worse.

“You can return to Konoha anytime you want,” he added, stepping impossibly closer. “To whatever life you think you will have back here. Or you can come with me, do some good for the village without having to deal with all the shit you’ve been going through.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. His verbal acknowledgement of her problems seemed so out of character for him. But she was grateful and offered a small smile, which he quickly returned, also to her surprise.

Who is this man standing in front of me, asking me to basically run away with him?

It would be a huge undertaking and she had no idea what she was getting herself into. But suddenly, the rush of the unknown wasn’t so scary to her. It would be an adventure. One with purpose. And perhaps, she could find a little of herself out there. With him.

Hinata widened her smile and nodded. “Okay.”

He was full of surprises, because the next thing she knew, Sasuke’s hands were cupping her face. Her mouth opened slightly in shock, and he licked his lips before slowly moving in toward her. He was giving her time to pull away and change her mind. Hinata didn’t take it, closing her eyes as his mouth gently pressed against hers.

She should’ve seen this coming. This was why Sasuke had even bothered to give her the time of day. This was what all their little moments had been leading up to. This odd feeling of belonging was reciprocated.

I am so blind.

The taste of salt mixed in with the taste of him as she deepened the kiss. But for once, they were happy tears.

  .:.

[passable-talent]

hi!! for roe, can i request a part two to the commander reader one?? maybe written with the events that happen when zuko asks if he can join the group (and when katara splashes him with her water bending, the reader deflects it)? the rest is up to you. thanks!! 🥺♥️

i love when yall request part 2s deadass

part 1

Being in the Fire Nation again made your skin crawl. It really was awful. You kept thinking that every voice behind every mask of every soldier was going to be an old friend from the academy. It kept you paranoid, and distracted, which was really the worst thing you could be on the Day of Black Sun. 

Sadly, even a military strategist like you couldn’t have predicted what happened that day. You didn’t really want to make Sokka feel worse, so you couldn’t say much about it, but you were angry you’d wasted the day, the eclipse. 

And running into Azula had made your skin crawl. 

She greeted you like an old friend- you were. And in her discussion of how she’d known of the invasion, she let slip that one little detail, the one that had made your heart stop cold. 

She said that Zuko was ‘gone’. 

You knew that Azula lies, its all she’d ever done. And yet, you couldn’t help but wonder- he was a banished prince, one who’d let you get away even though you were in league with the avatar. He, as Katara had put it a month earlier, could’ve pieced it together than Aang was alive. You knew how deeply punishment ran in the Fire Nation, you’d seen it first hand. 

Zuko had failed to kill the Avatar in Ba Sing Se. Could his father have killed him for it?

You loved him deeply, even to this day. He’d never hurt you, so though you listened and understood when Aang and Katara and Sokka talked horribly of him, you’d never agree. You saw a glimmer of hope in him, when he let you go in the earth kingdom, and for just one moment in Ba Sing Se. You’d always harbored hope that he would one day return to your side, and help the avatar, but-

He couldn’t do that if his father had killed him. 

“Gone”.

She was done speaking to you by the time the fighting started, and although you protected your friends, your mind wasn’t up to the task of focusing enough to win the battle. You cursed yourself for it- you were Fire Nation too, you knew what she was doing, damn it. You knew that she was a liar by nature, but you couldn’t help but worry, be terrified. 

The eclipse ended. The day ended. You had to go, and leave so many of your fellow soldiers behind. You wished you could save them all- but you knew what had to be done. 

You were the only firebender Aang knew. You had to train him. The problem was- you never learned much more firebending than the basics that Iroh had taught Zuko in the winter. Sure, you knew them by heart, and they served you well, and sure you’d figured out some moves of your own in facing down firebenders all spring and summer, but you couldn’t help but feel inadequate for training the avatar.

You gave him what you could. You hoped it was enough. 

You didn’t quite grieve for Zuko, because you told yourself that Azula must have been lying, just like she was about Suki. She had to be. Zuko wouldn’t go down that easily, even to his father. Iroh wouldn’t have let it happen. You had to believe that Azula was saying it just to get in your head. 

She’d succeeded in distracting you during that one battle, on that one day. You wouldn’t let her do it again. 

Lucky for you, it wasn’t long before she was proven wrong. 

Sometimes, thoughts come at you all at once. You have a thousand different reactions and in the moment, you have to chose one. Sometimes, though, your reaction is instant, but follows down a train of thought that happens in hardly the blink of an eye, when you think so fast that it transcends words.

This was what happened when you saw Zuko. You were filled with relief, and you wanted to hug him, your old friend, who you were so sure was dead, even though you tried to convince yourself otherwise. You were about to take a step forward when you realized it would make you look like a traitor to your friends, and so from behind Katara you said “forgive me” before rushing forward, and hugging him, exactly like you’d wanted, with a breath of his name. 

But the euphoria of seeing him alive faded while you remembered what he was likely here for. He was the enemy of Aang. So you let go, and walked backwards to your friends again, standing at Aang’s side, where you knew you’d make your allegiance clear. You hoped that they would understand why you’d needed to hug him. 

“I heard you guys flying around down there, so I just thought I’d. Wait for you. Here.” Zuko was as awkward as you’d ever seen him in your life, back when he was a bumbling preteen. It almost made you smile, but you couldn’t, quite. Appa’s roar had always made you flinch, but as much as you expected to see the prince eaten then and there, Appa instead licked him, and you caught the way that it affected Aang. Why did the bison trust him?

“I know you must be surprised to see me here,” Zuko said, and you narrowed your eyes, as surprised as he expected. Sure, he was alive, and you were happy about that. But why now? He hadn’t been chasing the avatar for months, even before Ba Sing Se. Why did he come now?

“Not really, since you’ve followed us all over the world,” Sokka said, and you could feel the combat rising in your friends beside you. They didn’t get it. Zuko wasn’t the most strategic person in the world, but he was smart. If he was here to fight them, he wouldn’t have come alone. He wouldn’t have come without armor on. 

“Right, well, uhh...” He was so awkward, it was almost painful. How was this the same prince that you’d known just a few months ago? “Anyway, what I wanted to tell you about is that I’ve changed. And I, uh, I’m good now. And, well, I think I should join your group. Oh, and I can help teach firebending, since I know Y/N doesn’t know some of the higher stuff. See, I, uh-” You shared a glance with Aang, briefly. You were surprised by practically everything he was saying- he’d had a change of heart? He wanted to help the avatar?

He remembered that much about you?

“You want to what now?” Toph said, being cutoff only a moment later by Katara. 

“You can’t possibly think that any of us would trust you, can you? I mean, how stupid do you think we are?”

“Well, you trust Y/N, and they’re from the Fire Nation, like me, so-” Zuko’s words almost insulted you. You cared for Zuko, but you and he were not the same. 

“Y/N helped us from the first moment we met,” Sokka said, coming to your aid, and you looked at him briefly, almost touched he’d had such a quick response. “All you’ve ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang.” 

“I’ve done some good things!” Zuko responded, taking a small step forward. “I let you go in that storm! I let Y/N go when I was supposed to take them prisoner! I mean, I could’ve stolen your bison in Ba Sing Se, but I set him free! That’s something.” Appa seemed to try to prove his words with another lick.

“Appa does seem to like him,” Toph conceeded. It put just the flicker of doubt in your chest, that he might be telling the truth. You hoped he was- he hadn’t lied about any of the other examples. 

“He probably just covered himself in honey or something so Appa would lick him,” Sokka said, and you glanced down at yourself.

“I didn’t feel any honey when I hugged him,” you said, which earned you a quick glare from Katara, and you decided to shut your mouth. 

“Still,” Sokka said, waving a hand in front of him, “I’m not buying it.” 

“I can understand why you wouldn’t trust me,” Zuko said, lowering his head, “and I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past.” For a moment, you wondered if you were gullible, or perhaps naïve, to almost believe him. 

“Like when you attacked our village?” 

“Or when you stole my mother’s necklace and used it to track us down and capture us?”

Yeah, maybe you were. 

“Look, I admit I’ve done some awful things. I was wrong to try to capture you, and I’m sorry I attacked the water tribe. And I never should’ve sent that Fire Nation assassin after you. I’m gonna try to stop him-”

“Wait, you sent Combustion Man after us?” 

You were definitely naive. He sent an assassin after you- you couldn’t let yourself trust him again. 

“Well, that’s not his name, but-” Oh, Zuko, why would you doom yourself like that?

“Oh, sorry,” Sokka said, boomerang held with blade toward Zuko, “I didn’t mean to insult your friend.”

“He’s not my friend!”

“That guy locked me and Katara in jail and tried to blow us all up!” Zuko took the blows and lowered his head, but then slid his gaze to Aang. 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” He asked, his voice calmer now, “You once said you thought we could be friends. You know I have good in me.” After Aang didn’t respond, he looked to you. 

“Y/N? Please.” For a moment, you met his eye, but after a slow heartbeat you looked away, condemning him to whatever decision Aang would reach. 

“There’s no way we can trust you after all you’ve done,” Aang said, his voice strong, with no hint of hesitation, “we’ll never let you join us.” 

“You need to get out of here,” Katara ordered him, “now.” 

“I’m trying to explain that I’m not that person anymore!” he shouted, and you brought up your fists, as his body language clearly said otherwise. 

“Either you leave, or we attack,” Sokka threatened, stopping Zuko in his tracks. His gaze fell to the ground.

“If you won’t accept me as a friend,” he said, lowering himself to his knees, “then maybe you’ll take me as a prisoner.” 

“No, we won’t!” Katara snarled, stepping forward and throwing him back with a powerful wave. You knew that she wouldn’t throw him over the edge, but your heart pounded in worry all the same. “You need to get out of here, and don’t come back. And if we ever see you again- well, we’d better not see you again!” You looked away, as he stood, and walked away. You couldn’t bear to look at him. 

The boy you saw in front of you, the boy that left the Western Air Temple- he was everything that you’d always wanted to see in Zuko. He was the best parts of the boy you’d once known. He was trying to make things right, and accepting the consequences of his actions. You were proud of him. And it took every ounce of your strength not to go to him, and tell him so. 

You held back your voice as Katara and Sokka raged against him. You knew that their trust in you was strong, but you were Fire Nation to them, even after all this time. You knew that the foundation of your friendship was strong, but to try to convince them of the good in Zuko would be battering rams taken to load-bearing pillars. You were a strategist- you knew to hold your tongue. 

Toph, on the other hand, had no such qualms. She stormed out, and you avoided the wrath of the water tribe siblings. 

But Zuko proved his allegiance, first by helping take down Combustion Man, then by reasoning with Aang using more gentleness than you’d ever seen him use, at least at one time. And once again, you kept quiet, knowing that you shouldn’t actively speak out in favor for the prince. Even when Aang asked for your permission, you skirted over your opinion. 

“You’ve been hurt by him far more than I. If you’re okay, then I’m okay.” 

But after he’d been accepted, after he’d been given his own room, after he and everyone else had settled in, you couldn’t stop yourself, couldn’t keep quiet anymore. You snuck through the hallways and into the room he’d been given, and knocked on the wall beside the archway of his door. Hopefully it would get his attention before alerting the others. 

He looked up from his bags to you, and for once in his life had foresight enough to keep his voice down. 

“Y/N?” He said, and you rushed through the door to hug him once again. 

“Zuko,” you answered, laying your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m so happy to see you.” He hugged back, shocked by the gesture as he was. 

“It’s good to see you too,” he answered, but yielded the conversation to you. 

“I always knew you’d join us eventually. I knew it.” He didn’t answer, beyond resting his forehead down onto you. 

He didn’t question how you knew more about his heart than he did. 

He knew the answer. 

tag list: @lammello @kittyddandnyla @qquell @caitiff @coldlilheart @sleeping-with-the-fishes @duh-dobrik @dxcter 

-🦌 Roe

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 57: Safeguard

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Safeguard

Note: I had to play DMC2 for this. Again. Mourn my untimely death. Thank you.

(-~-)

On either side of the walls that surrounded the courtyard stood a menagerie of dilapidated structures, some clearly the remnants of statues, other what remained of pillars that could have been structural at one point or another. Nothing remained overhead, so it was difficult to tell. What was clear was that this place was ancient, a relic of a bygone era long before the time that anyone he personally knew existed. And there was a strange kind of intrigue that came with that.

Looking over at the young guardian as they traversed what remained of the path laid out before them, the Darkslayer couldn’t help but notice the aura of this place. In truth, it had been a lifetime since he’d felt anything like it. The Qliphoth had reeked of blood and death, the catacombs underneath the city where Dante’s office had been when they were teenagers had reeked of decay, mold, and rot, and the walls and halls of Temen Ni Gru had held the stench that only stagnant air and malevolence could produce. This was entirely different. It was strangely familiar. He dared say that it resonated with him. But he knew with every fiber of his being that he had never set foot in this place or the sprawling grounds around it before, so how could that be even remotely possible?

“Who constructed this edifice, and what was its intended purpose?” He spoke bluntly but without malllace. After all, he had not been wronged in any way. But he had to admit that there was something imposing about this place despite the fact that it was clearly not evil. In a way, it was almost as if the imposing building that stood before them was actively trying to drive them away, making it known that they were not welcome on these hallowed grounds. They did not belong here. That much was a fact.

Stopping for a moment to survey the grounds, Lucia looked over at him. They had not been standing terribly close to one another, but they were within comfortable speaking distance. Her hand slowly slid down towards the blade at her waist, something clearly making her warry of this place. Perhaps the very energy of this place unsettled her in the same way that it unsettled him?

“This ruin is what remains of a temple where the devils that ruled this island were worshiped. They demanded much of my people, and much was lost. Your father ventured here when we needed him most, and with him by our side, we managed to defeat the foul devil Argosax and lord Sparda sealed him away, never to return.” Her eyes slowly traveled towards the remnants of the stone hallway that encompassed the edges of the grounds, something seemingly catching her eye. “We were entrusted with the artifacts used in that ritual. This is the main temple. After Argosax’s death at Dante’s hands, we consolidated the remaining Arcana and reset the traps. It seems that your father set a few of his own. And for that we are grateful.”

Her words caught him slightly off guard. He was somewhat sure that Dante had mentioned that her people had worked with their father before, but the fact that he might have had something to do with putting a spell of some sort on the grounds of this temple that would still be in place? For what purpose? “What would be the purpose of these traps? Have they just activated now after all this time?”

“One can only assume that it is a defense mechanism against whatever happened that allowed the Arcana that you returned to me to be taken from its home, but this is not the source of that artifact. We kept it in a clock tower. This was the home of another artifact until recently. The holy chalice.” her eyes remained focused on whatever was over there, just out of her line of sight.  Something has happened here during my absence. My mother contacted me to say as much. And that is why I had to return so suddenly. Forgive me if I-”

Vergil raised his hand slightly, unwilling to allow her to continue to apologize for something that wasn’t even remotely her fault. None of this was her doing. She had not been here to guard this place with the rest of her clan because she had been assisting him and the rest of his family. He would no sooner blame her for having to return to her duties than he would anyone else. “Your responsibilities lie elsewhere. I know that.”

She seemed to understand, nodding to herself as she broke away to assess what she perceived to be a possible threat. Vergil allowed his hand to rest on Yamato’s hilt, ready and willing to back her up if necessary. After all, it was below his dignity to stand by and allow her to do battle alone, even if the foes she was doing battle against were not much of a threat to her life. “Thank you for your understanding.”

“You see something.” His breath was barely a whisper, but she understood what he said regardless. It wasn’t a question and she knew that. A quick now was all it took for him to fall in line behind her, making sure that nothing was going to get the better of them from behind. He refused to allow his opponents an easy way of gaining the upper hand.

Without warning, a ball of fire jetted forward from behind the rocks and several heads popped up from throughout the ruin. The figures wore different colored robes ranging from back to red as they brandished their staffs, clearly ready to attack. This had been an ambush from the moment that they had stepped foot on the grounds. Much to his irritation, he had just been too distracted by the temple itself to see that.

(-~-)

“Genuinely, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anyone try to eat a burger while holding it like that.” Sirrus continued to stare at V as allowed his head to rest on his right hand, his elbow having gone numb from the pressure of being embedded into the table for this long. But they had nowhere better to be until after he was done eating, and he didn’t want to suggest that they take it to go. It would probably get wet in the rain anyway. Best to just finish it while they were there. “How very… particular.”

V allowed his eyes to direct back towards Sirrus, a slight bit of humor creeping back into them. He succeeded in biting the burger and then chewed it, admittedly pleased by the taste. He only had a few more bites left at this point, but he knew exactly what his companion was talking about. It wasn’t the first time that he had been called out for eating things in an odd way.

“As a general rule, I don’t like the sensation of having wet hands. It just feels wrong to me somehow.”

Sirrus seemed intrigued, sitting up somewhat instead of continuing to look at V in a sort of dreamy, hyper-attentive gauze. He’d been listening to V talk, sure, but he was much more concerned with the state that he had found his friend in. V had seemed so utterly broken to him in that instant, and he wanted to make sure that everything that had happened that day had not weakened his resolve. He cared much for his friend. V meant the world to him, and all he truly wanted was for him to be safe and happy. He had been neither of those things at the moment in time.

“Does that mean that you never wash your hands, then?”

Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he’d actually wanted an answer to that question or if he just wanted to keep V talking in the hopes that something he said would eventually make him laugh. He knew he needed it. But he was actually surprised when the young summoner answered his somewhat rhetorical question. After all, it wasn’t as though he needed to. He could’ve just laughed it off as a silly joke and continued to eat.

“Indeed, I do. It’s more about the texture of the substance on my hands than it is the actual fact that they are wet, I think.” He took another bite out of the burger, delighted by the fact that there was a pickle in this part. He was actually quite fond of tart snacks like this. The next time he went to the grocery store, he would have to pick up a jar of some sort of pickled vegetable. “For example, water is just fine, but I despise the sensation of oil and grease. Sauce is an especially egregious offender in this regard. Something about it is just disgusting to me. It’s just too thick.”

Repressing the urge to full one laugh at that revelation, Sirrus held his hand up to his face and laughed into the back of it, shaking his head slightly. He’d never heard something this strangely specific and ridiculous before in his life, and he honestly didn’t know what to say about it. But if that was indeed how V felt about it, then that was the reality of the situation. Nothing that he could say or do would make it any different.

“No, I actually kind of love it. It’s exceptionally quirky!” Sirrus laughed slightly, but his tone was no less sincere. He genuinely did care about what was going on with V, even if his unrelenting sense of humor wouldn’t allow him to convey that with any degree of seriousness. “Although it does seem like it would be a bit miserable. I wish you luck coping with it.”

V nodded in appreciation and picked up a thick napkin to wipe his hand on. “We should head back. It’s getting late, and I must admit that I do feel worse than I did earlier today. I should not have strayed away from the range of the hex for this long.” He stood up, steadying himself. Perhaps it was simply the nature of eating food that heavy, but he had to admit that he was somewhat sleepy. Not in the sort of way that would lead to him actually going to bed early that night, but in the kind of way that meant that it was time to curl up under a blanket and relax. “Thank you for dinner. It was quite good. And for everything else. I think I needed this more than I realized.”

“I believe that during times as severe and unrelentingly bleak as these, normality and simplicity are the only things that truly bring us out of that darkness.” Sirrus stood up and joined him, ready to catch him should he need it but more than willing to assume that he could handle catching his balance by himself. V had made it this long without his aid. He was more than capable of taking care of himself. Well, most of the time. “There is no need to thank me for doing the bare minimum that I can to help you. We're not far away from your home. It should not take us very long to get back there. Would you prefer that we hail a cab? I don’t mind sharing my umbrella with you if you don’t.”

V looked out of the window for a moment before nodding ever so slightly to himself. He then turned back to Sirrus and gave something akin to a small smile and tilted his head in the direction of the door. “Then perhaps we should simply walk back.”

Happy to oblige him, Sirrus placed what seemed to be a large sum of money on the table before heading over to the door and opening his umbrella. V had one of his own, but it was probably better that he keep it closed and focus on keeping his balance in the rain. After all, he wasn’t wearing a jacket, so holding up his arms to keep the umbrella over his head would only sacrifice much-needed warmth. He didn’t mind sharing the umbrella with him in the slightest.

For a few minutes, they walked along in silence, simply enjoying the company of one another and the sound of the rain as it came down in a furious downpour. It was more ice than rain at this point, the chilly autumn air now closer to that of winter than anything else. October was a beautiful month, but this rain had no courtesy whatsoever.

“Somehow I completely forgot to mention before that I have something for you. It may prove useful, all things considered.”

V slowed to a stop alongside his companion. Another gift, then? Perhaps he should look into giving him one as well. Now he was starting to feel a bit ungrateful. “I get the impression that you enjoy giving me gifts?”

Chuckling to himself, he nodded and then shrugged. He shifted the umbrella to his right hand, digging through his pockets as he searched for whatever it was that he was looking for. He would be lying if he said that V was wrong about that. He did indeed enjoy giving him gifts. Seeing the mixture of surprise and happiness that crossed his face as he tried to process what was going on would never become less satisfying to him. Of that much he was certain.”

“Guilty as charged. Although this one has a more practical use than the others I gave you.” Ah, there it was. Just what he had been looking for. He felt his hand brush against it as he gripped it and pulled it out of his pocket. To say he would have been irritated if he’d lost this or managed to leave it at home would be an understatement.

“More practical than an entire house full of furniture? Somehow I find that incredibly difficult to believe… ” He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw what he was being held out in from of him. In Sirrus’s hand was a simple onyx bracelet with a chain clasp. Between every three or so stones was a metal loop that matched the chains on the lower section of the bracelet that led to the clasp. All in all, a high-quality but not at all flashy piece of jewelry that was entirely unremarkable aside from the slightly larger green gemstone of some sort that hung from the center off of a metal loop of some sort. And in truth, it was strangely to his liking. He had worn a bracelet on a few occasions in his lifetime, but this would easily be the nicest.

“Do you mind holding this for a moment?” Sirrus said pleasantly as he held it towards him. V obliged breathlessly, entirely unsure as to how to process this particular gift. He wasn’t so much confused as he was deeply unsure as to the implication of this specific trinket. It wasn’t that it seemed expensive so much as it was the fact that he was being gifted something of this nature at all.

V opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, genuinely unsure as to what to say. He’d never received this kind of gift before. He was admittedly flattered by his newfound friend’s continued generosity. But there was something that he did want to make clear to him at that moment. Something that he felt needed to be said considering what had just transpired between them. He just hoped that it didn’t come out half as needlessly unkind as it did in his head.

Believe me, I know that. But I appreciate why you would feel the need to clarify. I have been rather fiscally negligent lately. I sincerely apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable. That was not my intention.” A gentle look of understanding passed across his face. He was more than slightly aware that it was the nature of extravagant gifts to make people uncomfortable, and the last thing that he wanted to do was make V uncomfortable. He got the impression that he wasn’t accustomed to receiving gifts. “This bracelet has a protective ward built into it that should help mitigate Belial’s influence, if only slightly. It has other effects as well that should be beneficial to you. Namely the effect it has on hostile demons. I went to fetch it after everything that happened earlier. I thought you might like something that made you feel more secure. Less alone. I get that impression from you at times, and I understand how awful it feels to be in a room filled with people but still alone. “

He seemed to recoil slightly as he said that, the mention of that seemingly causing him no small amount of distress. V noted that quietly as he held the bracelet up towards the moonlight, admittedly quietly excited about the gift. He hoped that he wasn’t being unkind. He knew that Sirrus meant him no harm, but it occurred to him at that moment that this gift might have more significance for his companion than it did for him. Had Morgan actually been onto something with her joke…?

“Thank you I… I’m not sure what else I can say… This is…” He paused, genuinely at a loss for where to even try to find the proper words. He was utterly blown away by how wonderful this gift was, especially considering that it was apparently magical in nature. Perhaps it was just best that he be happy about the gift and not go into a self-imposed existential downward spiral. “You said it has other effects?” 

“Oh, yes it has several. I’m sure you will see soon enough. I sense that we might have company, hence my timing. I was going to wait until we arrived at your house but...” He gestured towards the empty wooded lot across the street from them and, without warning, a shadowed being dropped down off of the top of the small warehouse next door. V shook his head and readied his cane. It seemed that Sirrus’s intuition was on the money. He too had the feeling that something wasn’t quite right around the area they were in when they had left the diner, but now he was sure of it.

“Perhaps we should dispose of it before we head back? If you’re feeling up to it. Otherwise, I can just strike it dead where it now stands and be done with it.” Sirrus withdrew his blade from the inside of the coat he was wearing with casual disinterested dismissal. V got the impression that this particular demon wasn’t very high on his newfound friend’s threat index.

No, I think that we should take care of it. If nothing else it should be a good opportunity to practice while I still have the chance.” V allowed Shadow to join him, the deep abyssal fur of the devil being much less likely to draw the attention of anyone who might happen upon them. He would summon Griffon if he felt the need to.

With a smirk the two-headed across the street, ready to see what they were up against. And as soon as they both came close enough to see it, they stopped dead in their tracks. It seemed they might have bitten off more than they initially bargained for… 

“Oh. Oh.”

(-~-)

The rules clearly state that before the big battle I get to write two smaller battles as a reward for having to play DMC2 for research purposes. Sorry, that’s just what the rules say. I don’t make them XD anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! I’ll see you again on Wednesday! And thank you for the awesome comments you’ve left this last week. They really made my day!

[miss-choco-chips]

From Baby to Babe~

I once wrote this  https://miss-choco-chips.tumblr.com/post/190983954737/theres-a-point-in-all-the-rouges-gallerys-lives and @theturdis wanted a fic about it, so... Just remember, you asked for this hon. This ain’t my fault.

Tagging @animemangasoul who just told me to tag them the next time I wrote something. 

Fair warning everyone, I somehow did this in one sitting, and, I can’t stress this enough, there’s no edit whatsoever. Like, none. Enjoy, if you can ignore the eyesore of my multiple mistakes.

----.----

Bruce despairs in the knowledge of his sons growing up hot.

---.---

When Dick came back to Gotham as the new Nightwing for the first time ever… well. 

Bruce didn't like to think about the first suit, back then. All those feathers and glitter, the plunging V neck, the mullet… His son had insisted on it being the trend at the time. Bruce just couldn't grasp how was he supposed to blend into the night and take anyone by surprise. There was too much... everything, and not nearly enough stealth.

He was an innocent man, back then. He looked at a horse gift in the mouth and was completely blindsided when it raised on it’s hind legs and kicked him where it hurted.

When Selina approached him a few weeks after N had come to him with the blueprints of his new suit, he had been quiet relaxed. Or as relaxed as one can be when crouched like a gargoyle and looking over the city. He was just getting back on track after… Jason (it still hurted, and probably always would, to think about him), his new partner helping in ways he couldn’t foresee, violence tampered by Tim’s brilliant smile every time he came to Bruce with the answer to a particularly difficult riddle he had been having trouble with. He had to get his act together, because Tim was so bright, mind so beyond what Bruce could ever aspire to, and he was at such an impressionable age… If Batman allowed himself to fall deeper into despair, he would set a dangerously bad example to the kid, which could be really damaging… to the world at large. He was the kind of kid that B wanted on the side of Justice, because the opposite would be quite catastrophic.

So yes, he had been very distracted lately, merely glancing over Dick’s blueprints, noticing the lack of brilliantine and gold, and giving his wholehearted approval. 

Stupid, innocent man he was. He had needed Catwoman of all people to open his eyes.

(To this day, he still wondered about Alfred’s reason for not warning him sooner. Perhaps, and this was the theory he had running, the old butler had been just so delighted at seeing the Disco suit gone, he would approve almost everything in its place, and Dick’s virtue had never been his responsibility to preserve, so to hell with it.

Betrayal always hurted the worse when it came from those closest to you)

-Hey handsome.

-Cat.

She rolled her eyes, already beyond his brood, and just walked out of the light, joining him into the shadows with a sigh at his dramatics. 

-No theft today?

The woman grimaced a bit, letting herself fall at his side with as much grace as she did everything else. Diamond claws scratched at her scalp, carefully not tearing the frail skin, and Batman finally conceded and turned his head to look at her directly. She was never so hesitant.

-Look. I really, really don’t want to be the one telling you this. I would literally rather leave this to anyone else, but… it’s getting out of hand.

-What is it?

-Nightwing. Hadn’t you noticed anything about him?

That got whatever rest of his attention she hadn’t already caught. Speaking of his sons always had that effect on him.

-What happened to him?

-Nothing, just… He’s been out a lot, hasn’t he? I thought he didn’t operate in the city as much…

She was stalling, which was worryingly out of character for Selina. But since this was about Nightwing, he had to be patient and let her talk her way into whatever information she was going to lay on him.

-I’ve been… -training a new Robin, not that he could tell her that- busy, lately. He’s picking up the slack while I’m focusing on it -a.k.a helping him both patrol the streets and teach Tim. 

-I noticed the changes, yes, whatever therapy you’re doing is great for you -she encouraged, more honest than he thought her capable of. He could already see her deadpan when she figured out the reason for his change, his ‘therapy’ as she put it, was an eleven year old thrusting himself at this dangerous life of his.

-Hm.

-Well… Anything noteworthy about him lately? Crime Fighting related?

Since she was stressing the words so much, he gave them deep thought.

-He has been on a streak lately. A lot more arrests… What’s your point?

He could almost see the second she internally said ‘fuck it’ and just blurted everything out.

-That’s because his new suit is, and this is coming from me, B, indecent, and every criminal out there is focusing more on his ass than his punches and flips so he’s kicking ass easier.

Bruce kicked his way to the forefront of his mind, the father in him hip checking the vigilante out of the way so he could properly freak out.

What? He knew the suit was a lot more tight than the former one, but he’d been so relieved at it being mostly black he hadn’t given more than a cursory look… and he barely saw the man in it, often training together in workout clothes and coming and going to patrol at different times. He… wasn’t prepared for this.

-Excuse me?

-I’m sorry, someone had to tell you. Normally, I’d be completely on board with a suit change from boring to daring, and you know of my good relationship with leather, but I’ve literally seen that kid grow up. If I have to listen to Harley talking about Nightwing’s ass one more time, Ivy won’t need to worry any more about the Joker killing her, because I will do it myself.

He wanted to thank her for standing up for his son, but he was still busy internally screaming.

-You want to hear Riddle’s last work? While looking directly at N, he asked ‘is buttcheeks one word? Or should I spread them?’. And then he winked. Winked, B. At your eighteen year old kid. You need to get your ass on gear and make sure Nighting changes his. I mean, I’m getting used to it, but you’ve been doing great lately, violent wise, and I’d hate for you to relapse because you heard Zsaasz asking N to tie his ropes tighter and harder.

B… needed to go back to the cave and call N back early. They had to talk.

----.----

When Jason came back, the first thing to break past the ‘holy shit my son is alive’ wall surrounding his brain was just how tall he had grown. How strong, how broad, how big. The little boy he had picked up from the street, underfeed and hurting everywhere, had turned out almost bigger than B himself and twice as brave. The wave of pride he felt was massive, but the feeling was short lived. 

Jason was killing criminals, had even attempted to murder Tim. Even if the father in him could, in his desperation, try and overlook the first bit, the same side couldn’t get past the second. Tim was as much his as Jason, and he couldn't turn a blind eye to it.

The relief of him being back that overflowed from Bruce clashed horribly with Batman’s unbending morals, and the two sides warred for days for control. The attack on his youngest son had been the deciding factor in who finally won; Bruce couldn’t fight the darkness in him when he needed it to help protect Robin from his predecessor, as much as it pained him.

Theirs was a long road, a difficult path to come back together as a family after so many mistakes on both parts (more his than Jason’s, he knew, but admitting so was so hard…), but they had finally, finally came back together. All his children, sitting around the dinning table at the manor, throwing food at each other behind Alfred’s back, Dick failing to give Jason a noogie, Tim succeeding in elbowing his way past both of them to claim first picks over the brownies, Damian rolling his eyes while sneakily drawing in his notebook what B suspected was a portrait of the three of them, Cass and Steph laughing at their antics… His heart felt like it could give out.

Again, his mind was anywhere but in… that. Already used to the dirty looks aimed at Nighting, he focused his anger into strength behind every punch, taking care to kick specially hard when aiming at the criminal’s genitals as light punishment for the lust they aimed at his oldest, but not longer trying to essentially castrate them.

He had the hang of it, and it was just one child. He could do damage control with one, it wasn’t that hard. Stephanie wasn’t really his, just under his protection as a mentor, and even then, she was mostly Barbara’s; Cass could and would take care of anyone who dared look at her in a way she didn’t like, so she was also good. Seventeen year old Tim and thirteen year old Damian were babies, so they wouldn't be an issue for a long, long time.

And then. And then, Steph had opened her mouth.

-Why can’t Tim do this? -she had whined, raising the heels to eye level and studying them with profound distaste- I hate fighting on these. He’s much better than me at that anyway, and he makes a hotter chick than I when he goes full out on his undercover gig.

Red Robin, who was walking past her on his way to the training mats, high fived her.

Barbara’s voice came from the Batcomputer, Oracle’s voice filter not needed while they still were on the Cave.

-Because he and Jason can’t act like a couple for more than two hours before one of them breaks into hives or laughter, and this is an all night long gig. 

-Then why can’t Tim and Dick go? You just need a girl as pretty arm candy distaction, the guy is the one who’s gonna do the work, and Nightwing can take care of a few drug dealers himself.

-While Dick is certainly pretty enough to gain permission to enter this very private party -the man, stretching with Tim, stopped mid motion to give the computer finger guns. Barbara coughed to cover a laugh and kept going-, the goal is for him to be invited into the boss’s personal office, and we can only do that if he’s interested in what he sees. From what Tim gathered for me on his last recon, he favours… Jason’s body types more than Dick’s.

Bruce, who was just getting out of the locker room, suit fully in place except from the cowl, raised an eyebrow at that, stopping to analyze his second oldest. Tilting his head, and still as confused, he asked what would undoubtedly bring him an unhealthy amount of regret in the very near future.

-What does that mean? Jason’s...body type? You mean tall? Dick is also pretty tall.

There was total silence in the cave for a few moments. Dick and Tim got up from their positions, shared a look, and made a run for the showers, claiming they were ready for patrol (they weren’t, not warmed up enough, but he had other things to focus on now). Damian, already fully suited, tutted and dragged the hood of his cape over his face, almost completely covering it. Cass looked on impassively, and Stephanie seemed to be getting a worryingly amount of glee from whatever this was.

Jason himself was… blushing? What?

-Who’s gonna tell him? -finally asked Barbara, amusement breaking her professional facade.

-Oh, me, me! Let me do this!

Apparently still a naive man, he nodded at the blonde, ready for someone to clear this up for him.

He was regaled with a half an hour long rant about biceps, pecs, and thighs that could compete against tree trunks and win. It was supported by apparent citations from different criminals that ranged from appreciative to full on scandalous.

In the end, everyone left the cave, Batgirl with a notorious spring on her step, and Bruce had to stay home instead of going out, needing the night to fully process about his second son, almost twenty one but twelve in his mind’s eye, apparently featuring in multiple Arkham calendars. 

He came out of that realization a scarred man, to say the least.

-----.-----

It was barely a few months after his traumatic chat with Stephanie when it happened again. He’d like to say he was ready for this.

He wasn’t.

When Conner Kent found him, he was completely focused on his WE’s work. For once on the office, with the TV providing some white noise in the background, he was fully prepared for a day catching up. He couldn’t keep letting Tim take over most of the work, the kid deserved to have a normal (or as normal as any of them could achieve) teenage life.

He was of course notified the moment the meta breached the city’s limits, but figured he was here on Titan’s business or hanging out with Tim. The light knock on his office window was a big surprise.

-This is unexpected, Conner. What can I do for you? -he greeted after letting him in- Tim isn’t here today, he’s giving a press conference.

-Yeah, I know. I’m actually here for you. We, the team, heard from Tim you’re making the blueprints for his next suit.

This conversation was already going in a very confusing way. Why did they care about Tim’s gear?

-Yes?

-Well, you need to double check with us before you show anything to him -something akin to indignant surprise must have shown in his face, because the meta quickly raised both hands-. We don’t mean that as you needing our approval, of course you’d know better how to keep a non-meta well protected. We know jackshit about kevlar and armor. But it’s the… style, that has us worried.

He let the anger bleed out of him, replaced with puzzlement.

-What do you mean?

Conner looked down, as if gathering strength, then up and straight into Bruce’s eyes, a feat very few younger heroes could achieve. This was serious.

-Tim isn’t big like Jason, or as… stretchy as Dick, but he has… very, very attractive features. I won’t go into detail with you about how thin his waist is, how shapely his legs or cute his ass. That’s not something I need to say or you to hear.

Yes, it definitely wasn’t. Bruce was having an inkling as to where this was headed, and he didn’t like it. Tim was a baby! Barely eighteen and so damn small!

-But I do need to tell you, his ugly ass suits have been good at keeping that all on the downlow. We made fun of him for them, sure, but never encouraged him to change, because we know what will happen if he does. It would be awful. You think Nightwing and Red Hood have it rough? Tim has Ra’s Al Ghul’s undivided attention and appreciation. If we add attraction to it? Mayhem. Absolute mayhem. We can barely keep him from being kidnapped by older, nasty villains as it is. We don’t need the extra work, sir. I’m begging you on behalf of the team, don’t let him get anything that would look good on him. Like that Untranet suit he told me about, for example. That one would be so bad. Or the Red Robin one with tighter pants and a domino under the cowl so he can take it out and flash the world his luscious hair. 

Bruce fell back into his desk chair. Elbows resting on the table, he buried his face into his hands.

A long silence filled the room.

-You already approved and made one of those, right?

A small, shaky nod.

-...The Ultranet one?

A firm shake. 

-Fuck me. The Red Robin with tighter pants and domino?

Another nod. Conner sat abruptly on the empty chair in the other side of the desk, like a puppet with its strings cut.

-Well, fuck. 

Fuck indeed. 

Bruce despaired.

----.----

This time, he would be ready. He swore it on his honor, on his oath, on his parents.

So when Damian turned sixteen, growth spurt kicking in (he towed over Tim, and it wouldn’t be long until he left Dick in the dust as well), he made a thought but necessary call.

He phoned Talia.

-We need to talk. About Damian, and… sex appeal.

Her shock was evident even through the phone.

-Excuse me? My son is a child. He has no such thing.

He closed his eyes. Once, a long time ago, he’d been just as naive. Now he knew better. 

It was a hard lesson to learn, but she needed to. And quickly. Damian was growing faster than his other children. Time was of essence.

-Let me tell you what I wish I knew years ago, when Dick decided to change his Nightwing suit.

She was probably going to hate him for opening her eyes like this, but Bruce just couldn't do this alone. 

He could deal with Talia’s hate, but criminals lusting after his baby son? Hell no. He might actually go rouge.

[pl-panda]

Damienette aranged marriage: part 3

Whoa... Two parts in one day. Sorry if this one is worse, but yet again I wrote this instead of sleeping. 

Warning: there will be some cursing from Jason, but can you really blame him? Credits: Miraculous Ladybug team for the elements I take from MLB show. DC for their characters, @ozmav for the AU, @maribat-archive for giving me access to so many different stories to have take inspirations from, @thyladyanput for idea for Chat Damian and me for the plot.

Part 1

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Damienette arranged marriage: Part 3

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“And why would you tell her everything?!” Jason screamed, still hidden behind Batman’s towering posture.

“Because she is my wife Todd!” Damian screamed. The silence in the room was thick enough that if the assassin swinged his sword, he would be able to cut it in half. Finally, Bruce was the one to break it.

“Fuck.”

This worked like detonating a bomb. Immediately, Red Hood, Red Robin and Nightwing pushed their way into the room and surrounded the two teens. 

“You were gone for less than forty-eight hours!” Dick

“How did you manage to get married!” Drake

“You are just fifteen demon spawn!” Todd

“And who is she!?” Drake again.

Talia watched this whole ordeal with no small amount of amusement. That is until Bruce suddenly appeared next to her. His frown was downright scary even for her. “Explain. Now!” The growl was low and emotionless, but it was enough to yet again put the room in dead silence.

“Beloved. It is good to see you too.” Talia smiled seductively.

“I am not in the mood. Now talk!”

“Fine.” She dropped all illusion of niceness. “I made peace with old enemy of the League. Or even a shaky alliance. But to seal the treaty, an assurance was required.”

“And that assurance was?” Jason asked confused, earning a facepalm from Dick.

“The Royal Marriage. An heir of the League and future leader of the Order.”

“And that leader would be… her?” Batman asked, not fully convinced.

Marinette was standing there the whole time, greatly uncomfortable with the attention Bat Family was giving her and Damian. She did read a bit on them, but it was always Alya who never shut up about heroes. For the most part, she preferred talk about Ladybug, but lately there was slowly forming a rift. The aspiring reporter was falling into Lila’s lies, posting unreliable videos on Ladyblog. Rossi had it for Ladybug and Alya, together with the rest of Marinette’s class, was falling for her machinations. They still hanged out with Marinette, but there was this distaste forming around her. She was no longer their to-go person with personal problems, being replaced by Lila who was awful at helping others unless it benefited her. But now Marinette had more pressing matter than a pity little liar. She looked at Batman, then at the bat-kids and finally at Damian. They were all looking at her expectantly.

“Oh right! Sorry. I did it again…” She gave them a sheepish smile. “I am Ladybug, hero of Paris and Great Guardian of the Miraculous.” She stated. Most of the heroes (bar Damian who knew a tidy bit about the Order of the Guardians) were confused.

“Paris doesn’t have heroes. There aren’t even any supervillains there.”

“Excuse me?! How does nobody knows what is going on in Paris!” Ladybug shouted. “Ugh! Seriously?!”

Batman narrowed his eyes. “Forgive me, Ladybug, but the Justice League would know if there was a threat in Paris. So who are you really.”

“Then ask Green Lantern. He was the one who laughed at my plea for help.” She scowled, but then her demeanor changed. She calmed down and gave a sheepish smile. “But guess I should thank him. I can only dread what would happen if Superman was akumatized. Or Flash. Or anyone really. I don’t think I could win.”

Batman frowned. He would have a talk with Hal once he dealt with this. If there was really a threat like that, ignoring it was not only stupid, but dangerous. And the girl was at best Damian’s age. She was dealing with this for how long? The way she spoke suggested that she was in charge. A child fighting in a war all alone. 

“For now beloved, it should be enough for you that the two of them are legally married.”

“Like hell!” Jason shouted at her, waving his gun. “They are fifteen. No court would accept this.”

“Actually,” Tim started, “under some laws they can be married. For example ‘The Personal Status Law of Muslims’ in Sudan sets the minimum age at ten.” He spoke like he was reading an encyclopedia.

“But we are somewhere between Nepal and China. I don’t think there are such laws here.” Dick said, but his confidence wavered.”

“Tt. First of why don’t anyone ask me or Marinette about our opinion?” Damian asked irritated.

“Shut up Demon Spawn. Adults are working here”

“If you don’t shut up, Todd, I will make you eat your dirty socks until you choke on the stench.” The young boy threatened. Marinette cringed at this, not really wanting to imaging such situation. 

“The marriage stays.” Talia stated coldly. “Otherwise, I will not be able to stop League from going to war against Order of the Guardians.”

“You are their leader.” Batman pointed out.

“That may be correct, beloved, but I am but a regent. Only after Damian finally assumes the leadership, his word will be law. I do try to reform the league, but there is little I can do in this situation.”

“Bullshit!” Jason cursed. “You are just manipulative bitch.”

“Jason!” Dick hit the back of Red Hood’s helmet, causing him to almost tumble. “Language. There are minors in the room.”

“Don’t worry Mousier.” Marinette noted that the whole debate shifted to English. She learned it years ago when she first got interested in fashion. Some of the greatest fashion critiques wrote only in English and she didn’t want to be left behind. And other foreign critiques and designers were always translated into English. “After today, cursing is the least of my worries.” During the talk, Marinette pulled her yo-yo to check the situation in Paris. The good news were that there was no Akuma attack since her confrontation with Hawkmoth. Bad news: she was gone for over forty hours already.

“What exactly is the deal?” Bruce sighted. He loved his boys, but he could practically feel his hair graying. At least the girls didn’t go around marrying total strangers. “I want the full story Talia. Don’t even try to deceive us.”

“As you wish Beloved.” She smiled and sat back at her chair. Jason was about to hop onto where Marinette sat, but Damian ‘accidentally’ tripped him. Ladybug detransformed and Tikki flew out. 

“What is this flying mouse?!” Dick screeched upon seeing a kwami.

“My name is Tikki. I am kwami, or if you prefer a small god, of creation and luck.” 

“Okay… I’ve totally seen weirder.” Jason shrugged and Tim was too busy trying to plug in his pocket kettle to make himself some coffee.

“Ekhm.” Bruce faux-coughted to get their attention. “Begin Talia.”

“Many centuries ago, magic jewels bestowing extraordinary powers were created. These were... the Miraculous. Throughout history, heroes have used these jewels for the good of the human race. Order of The Guardians was responsible for protecting and distributing the Miraculous for the good of all humanity. Some time in the past, League has learned about the existence of this artifacts, more powerful than even Lazarus Pit. A secret war began between two organizations. There was a constant stalemate until the Order was mysteriously destroyed without a trace. We believed all miraculous to be lost until two years ago heroes and villains using them appeared in Paris. Initially, we ignored them, long since abandoning this war. But then, some month ago a temple of the Guardians suddenly reappeared with the Order in chaos. The League attacked, but they were strong enough to withstand the initial strike and turn it into a siege. In time, we would have succeeded and wiped them once and for all. But instead, the Guardians understood their situation and reached to us with agreement. A truce and alliance, in exchange for sparing them.”

“Yeah right! Only an idiot would take such offer!” Red Hood kept arguing with the Assassin woman.

“Or a strategist. Either way, the League wins. They no longer need to worry about threat, but this way they also get an ally.” Batman remained expressionless, but he kept sending Damian and Marinette side-glares. He wanted to know how they are coping with this. The girl was a bit shaken, but that was to be expected. He would talk more with her later. What surprised him was that Damian seemed to show concern for her. The kind he usually reserved only for his brothers and father. 

“Yes. While our methods differ, the League and the Order have a common goal: prosperity for all humanity. But to ensure that neither side would go against the other, there needed to be a more tangible symbol of this union.”

“Marriage of the heirs. In the past such method was often used to symbolize an alliance. It symbolized equality of both partners and parties they represented.” Tim acted as an universal encyclopedia again, which Jason did exploit to tease him mercilessly while the others focused on the discussion.

“And let me guess” Dick frowned. “If they break the deal, it means war?”

“Yes.” Damian simply nodded. The memory of his mother’s threat hanging over the girl’s live was still fresh. Now that he got to know her better Damian was surprised that someone so brave and strong could at the same time be such emotionally unstable or open. It was almost refreshing. His family was awful with emotions and beyond that women only saw his last name. Many times he dealt with liars who tried to use him to get into the pockets of his father. But with Marinette he was sure that she was genuine with her feelings. He could not find any reason for her not to be at the moment, especially after she revealed her secret to him. 

“So what? We are just supposed to roll with it? What will press think? You will give Alfred a heart attack Damian.” Dick rambled. Youngest Wayne decided to ignore him and turn to his father. 

“While this might be a bit inconvenient, I believe it is the best course of action for now.” Damian spoke with cold and calculative voice.

“And what about you?” Batman turned to the girl, who for the most part lately was busy discussing something with the kwami in French. Bruce was proficient, but he was too focused on Talia and Damian.

“I… I accepted that my duty as Great Guardian comes with certain responsibilities. If this is what it takes to preserve peace, then I guess… I guess I will roll with it.” She smiled at Dick, almost daringly. Damian smiled too. Anyone who teased his brothers like that earned some points in his book. “But I can’t just leave Paris. For now it’s peaceful, but I don’t know how long it will last. And there are my parents… Oh Kwami! What will I tell my parents! Or my friends! Or my class! What if they reject me for this and I will be kicked from home, then I will not become a professional designer and I will never fulfill my dream and I will be forever lonely…” She unintentionally rambled in mixture of English and French while walking in circle and waving her hands. Damian grabbed her by her wrists to stop her before she accidentally knocked someone out and then cupped her hands with his. She was still talking random stuff, which made absolutely zero sense. Damn. She is cute when she is rambling. What!? He shut down the intrusive thoughts and focused on the girl… his wife.

“Calm down. Take deep breaths. You will not be alone.” He hoped it would work, but she barely slowed down. He sighted. Damian looked her deep in her bluebell eyes and she saw the two whirlpools of jade green he had. They were more prominent that Adrien’s. “Listen to my voice. All is going to be fine. We will not leave you.” This time, it did work and she calmed down. 

Rest of the Batfam watched in shock how Damian has acted. It was most unusual for him to initiate physical contact at all, much less act this gentle. They looked at Talia, but she shrugged.

“I didn’t do anything if that’s what you think.” She smirked. “But I don’t think I needed.” Two newly-wed were just standing there, starring in each other’s eyes.

“Robin!” Batman finally got him to break out of this. “We gotta go. We will figure out exactly what to do later.”

“Fine. But we are taking Marinette with us.” Damian stubbornly stated.

��Yes. She should not stay here. And I have more questions for her.”

The flight to Paris was surprisingly fast. They traveled in perfect silence, but she felt rather uncomfortable with how everyone (bar Damian) sent her a suspicious glares. Finally, they landed around 8 PM on the rooftop of local Wayne Enterprises headquarter. She walked out first, happy to finally get back onto her home turf.

“Now there are some questions that needs to be answered.” Batman spoke.

“Uhm… Okay?”

“Stop intimidating her Father.” Damian scowled. 

Bruce reluctantly nodded. “Maybe it would be the best to discuss it in private of my office.” He pressed some buttons on his glove and the bat-plane camouflage. Well, it was probably more of Bat-cargo plane since it could fit six people comfortably and still have much space free. 

They got into the office, where Bruce had a total of five armchairs set around the coffee table. Immediately, Damian and Dick took two of them, leaving the head one for Bruce and one in between the two Waynes for Marinette. Tim didn’t bother trying to fight with Jason over who gets the last place, instead opting to just jump onto computer chair at the desk and activating a holo-screen. He quickly connected to Batcomputer and started to pull various files (mostly on Marinette and her close ones, but she didn’t see it). 

“So tell me. What is our young couple planning to do now?” Dick teased them.

Jason was standing next to the alcohol bar, pouring several glasses of whiskey. Before Bruce could protest, he brought five and placed them on the table. His reaction to disapproving glare from the other adults was to just shrug. “What? They are married. I think underage drinking would be the least of the problems. Oh! That reminds me.” Jason grinned maliciously and pulled his wallet. He tossed something square and silver at Damian. “I don’t want any demon spawns junior running around soon.”

Once Marinette realized what was that and what was he implying she turned redder than Tim’s outfit. Damian scowled. “I have a sword on me Todd, so watch what you are saying. I might not have chosen her to be my bride, but I will not let you embarrass her just for your fun.”

Jason saw an opportunity and he would be damned if he didn’t take it. “Which sword are you talking about?”

Damian hissed like an angry cat and drawn his sword, lunging at his brother. Todd initially wanted to block the attack with his gun, but fine steel cut right through it. Seeing murder in Damian’s face he did the only plausible thing: started to run.

Marinette was inventing new shades of red with her blushing. Bruce gave her an apologetic look. “Please, don’t take his comments to heart. Jason is…” before batman could find a right word there was a sound of something crashing, followed by a painful yelp. In just a moment, Damian returned happy, his sword a bit bloody.

“Please tell me you didn’t kill him…” Dick begged. Marinette was not sure whether this was a joke or not, but the longer she stayed with the batfam, the less sane they appeared.

“Nah. But he didn’t look where he was running and toppled the stack of boxes and I ended up stabbing him in his left calf. He will live.” Damian assured them. And true to his words, a limping Jason appeared in the doors. He grabbed a fresh bottle of whiskey on his way to the armchair and slumped resigned. “Demon spawn!”

“Idiot!”

“Enough!” Bruce wanted to pull his hair out. “We came here to discuss a certain situation not stab each other. Marinette?”

“Yes monsieur Wayne?” She asked, still stunned with what happened. She had to admit Damian acter chiviliarus protecting her honor, even if his way was pretty violent. 

“I was trying to ask you, what do you plan on doing now?”

“I… I don’t know. This all happened so fast…”

“It’s okay. I don’t think anyone would have a plan for such situation.” Dick reassured her

“Bruce does. It’s inside the safe in the batcave in folder labeled ‘Talia never gives up’.” Tim chimed in before returning to his research. 

“Well, no one sane has such plans.” Dick tried to cheer her up. It did work even if just a bit. “But ask yourself what do you want.”

“Well… I would wish to finish my education and I always dreamed about becoming a professional fashion designer.” 

“And how is this plan working so far?” Bruce inquired.

“Well, I do run a small internet boutique, where I take commissions and uncle Jagged refuses to wear anything that wasn’t personally designed by me.” She said casually.

“Wait a moment… Uncle Jagged as in Jagged Stone, the world-class rock musician?!” Tim suddenly shouted.

“Uh… yes?” She got confused

“But his only designer is the mysterious MDC! That would mean you are MDC!”

“Uh… yes?” Marinette had no idea why Tim acted like that.

“Oh god! Oh god! I got to meet MDC! Can I get your authograph?” He was suddenly next to her, holding a copy of the her first album cover she made for Jagged.

“Sure.” She signed it and handed it back. It read: ‘Good luck TD, MDC’.

Tim Fainted.

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Taglist (sorry if I missed you)

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[chocoluckchipz]

The Other You - 16

Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

< Previous

Chat raced across the rooftops, one thought hammering in his mind— how did this happen? How could he tell Marinette what he was hiding from the whole world? Hawkmoth for a father. He was barely starting to come to terms with that himself. He never wanted anyone to know. Only Ladybug was bound to find out eventually, and only because he had to return the peacock and butterfly miraculouses to her. Otherwise, Adrien would’ve taken that secret to his grave. How he could let slip to one of the most amazing people he knew that he had the most sought-after villain in the history of Paris, if not France, for a father was beyond him. How was he supposed to tell that to Ladybug also?

How?  

He couldn’t. Not yet. He’d tell her eventually. But not now. He wasn’t ready yet. 

Chat jumped and caught hold of a beam, starting his ascent up the Eiffel Tower. 

Marinette, though, didn’t seem to hate him for his unfortunate family connections. A sigh of relief slipped his lips because being hated by Marinette for his own faults was hard enough. He wasn’t sure he could handle her hatred for something that he had absolutely no control over. Because Marinette was amazing—the greatest friend one could wish for, and the strongest person he’d ever met. 

She was the only one, as far as he knew, who had managed to work for his father for years and not fully succumb to his destructive ways. She was close. Dangerously deep in that abyss, but she survived. Snapping out of it just in time, Marinette came back stronger than ever—something Adrien had an honour of witnessing with his own eyes in the last few weeks as Chat Noir, ‘Felix’, and as Adrien. She was truly an inspiration, so maybe he should take her advice and tell Ladybug everything? Marinette thought it was for the best, and Chat trusted Marinette.

“Hey there, Chaton.” Ladybug landed beside him at the top of the Eiffel Tower. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Been busy?”

“Kind of. How have you been?”

She walked to him and, without explanation, wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head onto his chest. “Lonely, but it’s alright now.”

Startled, Chat hesitated for a little before returning her embrace. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to come more often. Life’s been kind of crazy as of late.”

Ladybug pulled away, rolling her eyes as she chuckled. “Tell me about it. But then when have our lives ever not been crazy?” 

“True.” He grabbed his baton from behind his back. “Shall we start our patrol?”

Ladybug nodded, preparing her yo-yo. “I’ll take the west side, you round the east. If something happens, ring me up. Otherwise, I’ll see you here in half an hour?”

“I’ll stop by Tom and Sabine’s for some pastries if you give me five more minutes.”

“Oh! Haven’t had them in a while. You’ve got a deal.”

They charged forward, each taking their respective routes. Adrien zoomed through the city, not even bothering to look around much. Instead, he ran. Ran as fast as he could, reaching for the courage that was slipping through his fingers with every passing moment. Marinette thought it’d be for the best to tell Ladybug. He trusted Marinette. He had to. She was the only thing that kept him from completely crumbling when he’d just found out and since. He owed her that much.

Predictably, no akumas were found, and soon Chat was walking into a familiar bakery, flashing his best smile to its owner. Tom greeted him with a grin of his own, immediately packing a box full of treats Chat often ordered. 

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Chat Noir.”

“Life kept my hero persona away,” he said, winking. “Doesn’t mean I wasn’t here as my civilian self.”

“Oh, were you?” Tom laughed. “You know, I might try to figure you out one of these days.”

“What for?”

“How does ‘trying to sell you something you can’t buy as a superhero’ sound?”

Chat grinned. He loved to banter with this man. “I’m all ears. You might just convince me to drop a hint or two if the offer is tempting.”

“I’ve got an unmarried daughter. Beautiful. Strong and independent. An amazing cook. Would you be interested?”

Chat blinked, his grin frozen on his face. “Does this daughter of yours know you want to sell her off to me?”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t object.”

Chat quirked an eyebrow. “If Marinette is still anything like I remember her, I’m pretty sure she’d kick both of our asses if I were to agree to take her off your hands behind her back.”

Tom laughed. “That she would. But hey, what else am I supposed to do? She keeps telling me she’s too busy to date and I’m not getting any younger. I want to see her happy before I kick the bucket. Not to mention I’d love to see my grandkids before then too.”

“Then let her be.” Chat chuckled. “I’m sure she’ll find the right person when the time is right.”

Tom pursed his lips. “So that’s a no?”

Chat gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, but this cat’s allegiance lies somewhere else.”

“Oh well. It was worth a try. If you change your mind, though, I can arrange it for you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

The pastry box in his hands, Chat headed back to the Eiffel Tower. 

He arrived first. Feeling restless, he set the pastry box on the beam and paced the perimeter. She’d be here soon, and he’d have to tell her. Everything. Just like Marinette had told him. About his love for her, about Hawkmoth, and possibly his own identity. There was also the matter of Nooroo and Duusu and the fact that Adrien wanted to keep the butterfly miraculous for another two weeks. Maybe even a few more days after that because Marinette would surely need help from ‘Felix’ during the Fashion Week. 

A rumble of thunder split the night sky, lightning illuminating the darkness somewhere in the distance. Chat stopped and leaned on a beam, slightly dizzy. Crossing his arms, he considered his approach. He should probably start with his love confession, something he had experience with and the highest chance of succeeding in. His last attempt was years ago, and Chat was certain that things had changed between them since then. He had done everything Ladybug asked of him. He had given her space and time, respected her boundaries, never going beyond friendly or what she initiated herself. He never pushed, never insisted, never confessed again for years. As a result, Ladybug was more and more accepting of his attention. He sensed it for some time now—they were closer than ever before. So, he should start with a love confession and move on from that.

“You’re fast,” Ladybug said, appearing in front of him out of nowhere. “I thought I’d be waiting for you, not the other way around.”

“I came back just a few minutes ago,” he said, picking up the box and opening it for her. “Ladies first.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Ladybug took a macaron and sat on the beam, dangling her legs over the edge. “So what’s up with you, Chaton? Anything interesting?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “No, nothing out of the ordinary. The east side is quiet.”

“I meant your life,” Ladybug said, munching on her treat. “You said you were busy, so I was wondering what was going on with you in your civilian life.”

Chat hummed, settling down beside her, perhaps for the first time being very aware of the height they were at. He swallowed, echoing her question. “My life? Nothing special. Demanding job. Lots of work. Boring.”

She seemed to be waiting for him to continue, but Chat hesitated. The moment didn’t feel right yet. He couldn’t confess with his stomach churning and his throat so dry he’d drink an ocean if given the chance. A bit later. A few more minutes. His gaze darting from place to place, he clutched his hands together in his lap and asked instead, “And you? How have you been?”

Her head cocked to the side, Ladybug watched him with a smile. “I’ve been well. Almost done with my project thanks to my assistant. We’re actually ahead of the deadline, so I’m excited.”

“That’s nice.”

“It is.”

“Want another macaron? Tom gave me a few of their seasonal ones. Said they were to die for.”

“Why not?” She took another treat from the box Chat was holding out to her and bit in, closing her eyes. “My favourite. I’ve missed these.”

Lightning flashed across the darkness, followed closely by a roar of thunder. Adrien bit at his lower lip. It’s going to rain soon. He’d better hurry up with his confessions because—

“Hey, Chat?” Ladybug asked before he braved opening his mouth. “Have you ever been in love?”

He stared at her, gaping like a fish. Could Ladybug read his mind?

“You know. Have you ever felt like you could spend hours, days and even months with a person and never get bored?”

He couldn’t help a smile. Of course, but it didn’t necessarily mean he was in love with the person. Marinette, for example. These days, he was spending practically all of his time with her and it had never been boring. In fact, he wouldn’t complain if their dinners were a bit longer than they were, so much fun they had together. But he wasn’t in love with Marinette. She was just a friend.  

“Have you ever longed to see someone so much you counted the minutes until your meeting?”

Um. Yes? Marinette, for example. But only because she was an amazing cook and he loved food. 

“Have you ever felt so comfortable around a person you could tell them all of your secrets and know they would understand and accept and wouldn’t judge you, helping you out instead?”

Chat swallowed. Yes… Marinette. His eyes widened. Was this the reason he so easily blurted out one of his biggest secrets to her just now? Because in the last few months he had gotten to know Marinette all over again, and if she was amazing before, having gone through all the things she had been through, Marinette had grown into the most fantastic woman ever now. He’d seen the change for himself and, despite their complicated history, Chat trusted her more than ever. Being in her presence alone was wonderful. She made him feel safe, loved, and accepted. Was that why he didn’t keep his mouth shut? Because in his heart he knew she’d understand and wouldn’t judge. 

“Have you ever looked at that person and couldn’t stop smiling because of how beautiful they are inside and out?”

 Chat gulped, his chest tightening. Marinette was always beautiful. Now though, as the exhaustion that branded her just a few months ago was gone, she was clearly mind-blowingly gorgeous. As for inside… His smile turned sheepish. Marinette was warmth and beauty. Marinette was his home. He dared to say her soul was much more beautiful than her outward appearance.

His eyes blew wide. Was… was he in love with Marinette? Chat stilled, his breathing picking up. 

No! 

He loved Ladybug. He always had. He couldn’t have fallen for someone else.

“And given the chance to be with anyone at any given moment, is there a person who instantly comes to your mind?”

Chat stilled, terrified to answer that question even to himself because it wasn’t his Lady’s name that just zoomed through his thoughts. Chat shook his head. 

No! 

It had to be a mistake. It was probably the food! Not Marinette. And it was probably the remnants of being an akuma and his obsession with helping Marinette. He had to account for that because there was no way there were no side-effects from daily self-akumatization. And it was probably only because Marinette already knew his secret, thus there was fear associated with telling Ladybug. It was just bad timing. 

Nothing more.

Ladybug turned to face him, a gentle smile on her lips as she took his hand in hers. “For me, it’s you, Chaton. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and I don’t want to hold back anymore.”

Chat froze, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. Not because of the happiness he always imagined he’d feel when Ladybug finally fell in love with him. No! Chat stood paralyzed because he couldn’t say ‘I love you’ back, not after everything that just went through his head. Not when he was still full of guilt for keeping secrets from her. Not when she didn’t know that he was born to their enemy. 

Not now! 

His words gone, lips slightly ajar as awkwardness and fear constricted his throat, Chat stared at Ladybug in silence.

“Chaton?” She reached forward to cup his jaw with her hand. “Is everything alright?”

He sighed, closing his eyes at her touch. Clenching his teeth, Chat covered her hand with his and whispered: “I’m sorry. I… I can’t… Not right now.”

He could feel every muscle in Ladybug’s body tense. Reaching forward, she cradled his face with both her hands and lifted it up to look him in the eyes. “Chaton? What’s wrong? I thought… I thought you wanted this. I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you,” he rushed to assure her. “You’re my best friend, the one person I trust with my life. I do love you, Ladybug, but… I’m just not sure if… if I’m still in love with you anymore. Ugh! This is so confusing.” Groaning, he hid his face in his hands and stilled, murmuring a moment later. “Can I be honest?”

“Of course you can.” She took his hands from his face, holding them tight as they fell into his lap. “Whatever it is, I want to know it.”

He gulped, shifting his gaze to the side. “I’ve loved you for years, my Lady. Ever since the day we met, you were the one to hold my heart, and if asked a month ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to confess my love for you on the spot. But… there’s this girl, an old friend of mine I’ve recently reconnected with.” Her hands twitched in his, yet she didn’t let go. “Just now when you were asking me those questions, it was her name that kept popping up in my thoughts. Not yours.” He raised his eyes full of apology to her. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why this happened but I need to figure it out before I can respond to your confession. It might be just a fleeting infatuation. It might be something more, but until I know for sure, I don’t think it would be fair of me to give you an answer.” Lightly squeezing her hands in his, Chat pleaded. “Please, don’t hate me. I don’t know how this happened and I’m so, so sorry about this.”

For what felt like the longest while, Ladybug silently stared at him. Her eyes reflected the Paris lights as thunder sounded once more. He could see tears gathering in them. It broke his heart, but what could he do? He was already lying to her about Hawkmoth; he couldn’t lie about this as well. 

Pulling her into a hug, Chat murmured once again. “I’m sorry.”

She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “Does she make you happy?”

Chat didn’t even have to imagine. Warmth and peace flooded his whole being at the mere thought of Marinette. Not being able to give her the answer out loud, he hummed.

Her arms around him tightened. “Then that’s all that matters. I just want you to be happy.”

The first drops of rain hit them, bouncing off their suits and skin. Adrien looked up at the sky. “Do you want to hide somewhere?”

“I’d better go,” she whispered and pulled away, her eyes full of the tears she was holding back. 

“Ladybug…”

“I’ll be fine,” she whispered, standing up. “I just need some time alone but thank you for being honest. I do appreciate it.”

“Are you sure?” He stood up as well. 

“We’re still friends, right?”

“Of course. Your friendship is the most important thing in my life.”

“Then I’ll be fine, Chaton. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you around.” With those words, Ladybug was gone, zooming into the darkness of the city below them. 

Chat watched her depart in silence. His head hung low, shoulders slumped, he cursed under his breath. This was supposed to be his turn for the better. They were supposed to leave this place happy. Why did he have to always ruin everything? Why did he have to always break something? First, it was Marinette’s heart all those years ago. Then, all of his friendships. And now, he’d pushed away the only person who was always there for him. He really was a wielder of destruction, a vessel of chaos wherever he went.

Chat closed his eyes as a realization dawned on him. Marinette… They’d been doing so well rekindling their friendship, but it was only a matter of time before he ruined everything again. He couldn't let the history repeat itself. He had to stay away from her—for her sake. ‘Felix’ would disappear after Fashion Week. Adrien Agreste would go back to being a teacher in September. Chat Noir would have to stop coming over immediately, though. 

They would need to come up with some other kind of rent fee if Marinette insisted on it. It didn’t really matter to him. For all he cared, she could live there her whole life for free. He’d miss their times together. Not just the food, but all the fun they shared. With Chat Noir, Marinette was her most relaxed self and he loved it. 

He loved her.  

Now that he’d realized it, he couldn’t deny it anymore—he was in love with Marinette, and for her sake, he’d have to let her go. 

His heart clenched, tears spilling over as rain continued to soak him. He should probably warn her. Knowing Marinette, she’d be worried and looking for him, and he didn’t want to cause her more trouble. He’d have to think up some kind of excuse to justify him never coming back. That shouldn’t be too hard, but he better do it before he’d change his mind. 

Meaning he better do it now. 

Chat wiped his tears, his decision cementing in his mind. It wasn’t too late into the night yet; Marinette should still be awake right now. At least he could check if she was. Reaching for his baton, Chat pushed the knot in his throat down. 

He had to do it. 

It would be for the best. 

For everyone.

Especially for Marinette.

She wasn’t home. 

At first, Chat thought Marinette had gone to bed already, but the light in her bedroom was on, and he could see through the window that she wasn’t there. Nor was she anywhere else in the apartment. Assuming that she must have gone for a run or to a nearby grocery shop, Chat scouted the neighbourhood for some time before giving up. It was raining and late. Not many people were out. She must have gone back to the apartment already, or she could be waiting out the storm somewhere. He probably should do that too. He could wait for her back at the apartment. She’d come back eventually and Chat wasn’t sure he could sleep a wink tonight anyway. Better get this over with as soon as possible. 

He got into the living room through the balcony door as he’d always done and found a towel to dry himself. Then, Chat sat on the couch and let the silence consume him, every minute feeling like an eternity.

An hour later, the front door creaked open and Marinette slouched in. 

Adrien stilled, pain gripping his chest.

Dripping with rainwater, clothes completely soaked, Marinette was struggling to muffle her crying. She froze in place, noticing him. Her tears didn’t stop, violently streaming down her cheeks. Her lips trembling, she held herself with her arms, gaping at him in silence for a full minute before averting her gaze.

“What are you doing here, Chat? I asked for some space. Please, give me at least that.” 

Next >

[cosmiclatte28]

Pretty Boy (KaiSoo)

Kaisoo one shot! 

Based on this pic 

"Get out Kim Jongin! For the last time, I warn you to run before you regret not doing so," a man in his sixties stresses each warning while swinging his golf drivers. Kim Jongin sinks to his knees, he begs with all his might for his father's forgiveness while praying with all his might he can dodge the strong swing his father did. His face has had enough bruises from the painful strong punches his father flew to him earlier. He has to admit, as his father gets older his punches got stronger and his ring stings more. Jongin closes his eyes before he got lucky, the powerful blow missed and hit mother's favorite flower vase. The young boy closes his eyes when he sees the glass shatters along with his last hopes of staying in this house as the second child of the wealthy Kim family.

His brother, Kim Junmyeon, is trying his best to stand still behind his father; though his heart is screaming 'stop' and as much as he wants to jump and protect his brother, Junmyeon knows better to never interfere his mad father. Junmyeon saw the puppy stare from his little brother and for the first time he has to let Kai fight for himself.

"Leave now! You are no longer a part of this family. Take only what you are wearing and leave!" His father screams on the top of his lungs. His breaths are short and his eyes are bloodshot.

Jongin for the last time gestures his apologies and pleads. What else can he do to make his father forgive him? Going low as kneeling down didn't shake father's final choice.

Jongin looks around the big living room for help. He feels humiliated from the cold stare from his father's bodyguards. Mother is running into the room from her shopping and she is more than surprised to see the chaos. Her husband is swinging his golf driver, slamming everything in his vision field, on the other hand Junmyeon is busy signaling Jongin to leave.

"Yeobbo, what is happening? Calm down... your blood pressure will kill." the beauty in the house runs to her husband's side. Her eyes widen when she saw the bruises on her son's pretty face.

Mr. Kim brushes her soft hand away and walks towards his second son, who has his eyes on the floors.

"Why is Kai kneeling for you on the ground? Stand up honey," the sweet voice instructs her son to stand. Kai smiles sadly at the realization that his mother is still calling him Kai, his sweet name.

"No! Let him beg. He has caused too much trouble. Today we got another call from the police informing us this person here—" Mr.Kim points disgustingly at Jongin, "—he was called for a privacy harassment case. This guy here is not my child; my child will never bring disgrace to the family. He won't stalk on some random kindergarten student and make her uncomfortable!"

Mrs. Kim seems baffled, she knew Kai isn't as bright as Junmyeon, but Mrs.Kim knows her child is not into younger girls; moreover she loves Kai a tad bit more than anyone else in the house.

"Yeobbo, maybe the people are only trying to get money from the case... I'm sure our Kai will never do that," Mrs. Kim turns her head to see her son, "Right Kai?"

Kai quickly raises his head and furiously nod, "Yes, mother is right. Please dad, believe me... I am not into young girls! They are only playing tricks..."

His father's anger has resided down, thanks to his wife.

"Right dad, we can always take control of the problems Jongin have." Junmyeon takes a deep breath, "Let me handle him. I'll clear his name."

Mr. Kim starts to swing his stick again; he walks to the kneeling man and arrogantly smacks his lips, "Out. Junmyeon will clean your name for the last time—" Kai jumps to his feet and holds his father's hands

"Thank you... thank you so much dad." Kai flashes his grateful smile.

His father glances at him and throws his hands away, "Who said I forgive you? You're still leaving the house now!" He screams to the boy with bruised face.

Kai is stunned and surprised. His dad is not changing his mind about kicking him out.

Mrs. Kim looks at her husband in disbelief when the bodyguards forcefully drag a kicking and begging Kai out of the room and to the gate.

"Take his wallet and phone. It's still nice I let him keep his clothes he has." Mr. Kim instructs his men to take all of Jongin's belongings.

"Yeobbo, you're too hard on him." Mrs. Kim pleads him with tears in her eyes.

"He needs to learn it the hard way." Mr. Kim stares at the closed gate.

"Whoever dares to help Kim Jongin, will not live in peace. Leave that boy alone. How embarrassing." Mr. Kim stomps and turns to head to his office.

"Junmyeon-a," mother cries when she finds her oldest son standing in the living room heartlessly.

"Why didn't you stop your father? Isn't kicking Kai out of this house with nothing except clothes a bit too harsh?" Mrs. Kim rants her frustration into her oldest son.

Junmyeon brings her mother to his warm embrace, "I'm sorry... father is a hard man."

"Will he be alright?" Mrs. Kim wonders. The wind blows softly and her designer perfume fills the air. She secretly lets a tear out, Kai didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. He only has his denim jacket and jeans in the middle of autumn. The wind gushes once more and Mrs. Kim tightens her expensive coat.

"Mother, let's go in, the wind is getting stronger." Junmyeon leads his mother back into the warmth of the Kim's mansion.

Kai was forced out of his mansion only with a jacket and a hungry stomach. He winces at the pain his body felt. His face aches from the punches, his body hurts from the strong grip and forced dragging earlier, his heart broke when he realizes he lost all of the love in his life.

He walks and walks with no direction; the taxis are tempting, but his wallet was confiscated. Kai pays attention to his steps, he hopes someone left a dollar bill on the road, or maybe he is lucky enough to find some coins. He doesn't know what time it is, but he knows it must be close to dinner time as he sees the sun sets and his stomach grumbling harder.

Kai tightens his denim jacket and pulls his hoodie. He walks quietly and aimlessly to wherever his feet lead. He tries his best to remember where his friends live, so maybe he can come and tell them what happen. Maybe they will feel sorry and invite Jongin for dinner and offer a room. Right, Kai feels warm from imagining a nice warm dinner and a comfortable bed.

Countless names run in his mind, he mumbles to himself "Sehun? No too far... Baekhyun?" he thinks for a moment, "Ah a different province. Chanyeol?? Where's his house again???" Kai stops and squeezes his eyes.

He thinks and thinks, "Ah! Right, Chanyeol has just left to America... Yixing is in China."

Kai continues walking under the full moon. He reaches a small mini market with chairs in the sidewalk. His smile pops and his aching feet make its way to the empty chair. He drops his butt and stretches "Aigoo how nice it is to sit." He yawns, "Ah I'm hungry."

Kai fishes his pockets, biting his lips when he finds out nothing is popping up magically in his empty pockets.

Kai buries his face into his hand and reflects on the unfortunate events that happened to him.

The pretty boy is a second child to the Kim family, the richest man in Entertainment industry. Kim Junmyeon is older by three years. Junmyeon was always the brighter one, the one with medals and trophies, the one who wins thousand of girl's hearts, and who always succeeded in love stories; while Jongin is none of that. He is clumsy and innocuous. Jongin enjoys having fun and living his days to the fullest. He did admit he made a lot of problems since young, but they were nothing big. For example, young Jongin loves animal so much that he secretly opened the cage for dogs that were about to be sold to the black market. He did that out of kindness towards dogs. He once punches a kid bullying a blind girl, and he went home beaten and reported for starting fight. Jongin actually did nothing bad, he's just unlucky that people can turn the table over; moreover when they knew He is That Kim's child.

"I'm so unlucky. How can all of my friends live away from me?" Jongin pulls at his hairs frustrated. He comes to a conclusion he has no help today. He slams his head to the table, which was unfortunate since he forgot he has bruises there.

"Ouch!" he wipes the painful area, his hand punches angrily at the table, "How can I forget I'm already beaten up."

"Excuse me, you're not allowed to sit here." A hoarse voice surprises Jongin. Jongin jumps from his seat then looks around confused.

"Where am I? Jongin wipes his sleepy eyes.

The part time worker rolls his eyes, "You're in front of K mart, asleep for a good one and a half hour."

"What? Asleep?!"

"Yes, and please leave now."

"But this seat is not occupied and there are more chairs over there. Why can't I sit here?" Jongin questions the man in uniform.

"It's written there that these seats are only for our customer. We noticed you haven't bought anything and you've occupied the seat for half an hour." The man points at the sign and towards the other tables which are occupied by people who purchased something.

Jongin's eyes double in size, heol he never know the world is this cruel. All his life he only knows what it's like to have power in the house, to not move a finger and still get anything he wants.

"So, please leave before our boss sees you," the man forces a smile and shows Jongin the way out.

Kai changes his sour face and leaves his chair. He takes one last glance and taunted at the store. Jongin has lost his sense of time and direction. After some steps over the houses, he finally reach a district.He mumbles the street sign, "Hongdae"

Kai walks through the outskirt of Hongdae, he is far from the student-life parties and he is far from the festival lights. He's not going to Hondae without money, heol what will his image be.

The tanned man tirelessly keeps his head down as he traces the outskirt of Hongdae. There are small pubs and bars here, but their signs are not flashy and Jongin felt eerie walking here alone. He paces up his steps and keeps his eyes forward. It's not a good idea to walk here alone; although Kai is a man he still feels his body shakes when passing the cold alley.

Between the absent street lights, another young man sways on the road and stops when he found an unoccupied seat on a closed café. He looks around and giggles when he found no one in sight. While mumbling a happy song and smiling, the man with short hair fishes his box of cigarette from his pocket and flicks the lighters on. He bites the stick between his plump heart lips and skillfully lights the small burning cig. He inhales the burning sensation in his lung and blows out the smoke playfully to thin air.

The world belongs to him only for a moment when he adores the street light which he mistaken as the moon.

"The moon is bright tonight, so bright that my eyes are blinded." The man giggles at his own exaggerated words, "How I wish I have a companion tonight." He huffs out a blow of thick smoke and gets into a fit of coughs when he saw a figure walking over him.

He holds his cough and clears his throat once in a cool way, which successfully caught the passer's attention.

"Hey pretty boy," his deep honey voice did make the passing man's shoulder jump, "It's dangerous to walk alone at night."

Jongin looks right and left and saw no one is there except him, he questions himself, did he hear it right? Pretty boy? Surely that's not him right? But there's no one else except him and that guy who called him.

"Yes you man in hoodie." The caller brings his cig away from his lips.

Jongin points at himself, "Me?"

The tipsy man rolls his eyes and smile. Jongin notes how sweet that smile is under the moonlight. How unfortunate it is that he is drunk and smoking buds.

"You're alone sweetie?" he runs his eyes through the bruised man here, from the clothes and the smell of perfume he sure comes from a wealthy family, but why is he here alone, beaten up, and looked lost.

"You smell funny." Jongin closes his nose; even from this distance it is noticeable. He hates the smell of alcohol and smoke. Voila this man here has both smells.

"I'm sorry, you're drunk. I shall go." Jongin runs his eyes to the road. Why is there nobody in sight... he steps back and gets ready to continue his journey, or run for his life.

"I'm tipsy. Don't be afraid... I'm just telling you it is dangerous for pretty boys like you to walk alone." The man with heart lips shrugs his shoulder and ignores Jongin. He returns to his activity earlier blowing smokes and giggling by himself.

Jongin looks at him in horror, his neck is stiff and his hairs stand. Jongin quickly hugs himself and continues his walk, ignoring the calls.

"Hufth! How creepy! I should've never trust strangers." Jongin keeps his eyes on his feet.

Just then he saw three pairs of shoes in his eye sight and he gulps when he slowly raises his head.

Jongin is a tall man, but right in front of him are three taller and bigger men. All wearing black and looking tough. Jongin takes a step to the side and keeps his head down, but one of the man stops him.

"Where do you think you're going pretty boy?" Jongin curses in his heart, why is everyone calling him pretty boy tonight and why is he so unlucky today!

He slowly meets the big man's gaze when he pushed Jongin's chin up.

Jongin notices these three are no good. They were definitely here to disturb him.

"I have nothing." Jongin makes his voice sounds miserable.

The three men laughs and Jongin forces a confused smile, "Can I go? I have nothing." The three men laughs harder and Jongin is left confused.

"Well, if you don't have money... we're always welcome with services honey." The tallest man with big dark tattoos on his body grabs his chin and stares into his eyes.

Jongin gulps when he feels the other two touching his body, "He really doesn't have anything."

"That means we'll leave you after a good service." The man with golden tooth smirks.

Jongin is tongue tied. He doesn't know what will happen to him... he really hopes someone will help him.

Just when one of them pulls Jongin for a kiss, a loud voice roars and footsteps are heard.

"Go! Leave that man alone. He's mine." Upon that word, Jongin felt the grip lose and the three men runs in panic. Jongin still has his eyes shut in fear.

"Open your eyes. They're gone." A strange but familiar voice greets Kai.

Jongin opens his eyes slowly and finds the heart shaped man with round eyes earlier.

"What are you going to do to me?"

The man chuckles, "Told you it wasn't save to walk here alone."

"What's your name?"

"Kyungsoo," he smiles. Jongin notes how sweet that name is.

"Thank you... for saving me." Jongin bows.

Kyungsoo shakes his hand, "No problem, I just happen to pass by."

"You... how did you make them go?" Jongin sounds confused and curious... he was sure Kyungsoo only yelled some dialect words and they ran for their life.

"Nothing you should know, want a stick?" Kyungsoo offers him a stick when he sees Kai shaking. 

"No thanks, I don't smoke."

"Ah, cliché..." Kyungsoo bites a new stick.

"Why did you smoke? It's not good for you." Out of the blue Kai feels like this man here is too cute to die fast.

Kyungsoo raises his brow, well no one has ever cared to ask him that and this stranger right here does.

"Because that's the only way to remember the taste of her kiss that night," Kyungsoo gives Kai a sad smile.

Jongin's surprised, wow that's dramatic. He thought he was the only one who doesn't feel love right now. Turns out there are people like him too.

"I'm sorry... anyways... let me thank you for helping me," Kai pauses when he remembers he has no money at all right now.

Kyungsoo judges the man in front of him, sweet personality, pretty face, slender body, pure heart, he looks lost.

"Do you want money? Car? House?" Jongin offers his life saver these things.

Kyungsoo giggles, Jongin melts upon hearing that cute laugh and the glowing cheeks. Hell, how can someone looks so scary and tough but with just one laugh he's a teddy bear.

Jongin finds himself drowned in Kyungsoo's deep eyes and squishy cheeks, plus tempting lips.

"Sorry, but you have no money right now... how will you give me those things?" Kyungsoo offers his trademark questioning cute look.

Jongin blushes, he thinks for a moment and impulsively pulls the half finished stick between Kyungsoo's heart lips and he boldly presses their lips together. There's a pungent smell of smoke and alcohol, but Kai is not stopping until the only thing he can taste is something new.

Kyungsoo was taken aback by the sudden action, but instead of pulling or pushing, Kyungsoo runs his hand to play with the taller man's hair. This pretty boy who is kissing him right now is the first person who makes his heart beats faster, butterflies swarming his stomach, and the world once again is pink.

Kai deepens the kiss, he pours his emotion in it and the other man plays along well. Their kiss ends when Kyungsoo hits him to breathe.

Their chests are still heaving up and down from the sudden crazy activity they did. Their hearts are still pumping bloods to their shaking bodies; their brains drown them in Oxytocin and Adrenaline.

They both drown themselves in each other's warmth and comfort.

Kai looks at his shoes and a sudden feel of embarrassment takes over him. He is back to the Kim Jongin mode.

"Right, I don't have the money to give you that..." Jongin rubs his nape.

Kyungsoo smiles, "It's okay... I don't want that."

Jongin confusedly waits for his next request.

"Just give me your name," Kyungsoo smirks.

Jongin laughs, "Kim Jongin, anything else?"

Kyungsoo puts his hands inside his pocket, "Kim Jongin, follow me home tonight. Let me take care of your wounds."

Kyungsoo turns his body and walks first leaving Jongin squealing behind his back. He finally found his guardian angel or maybe his significant other!

"Are you coming or not?" Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin who's still frozen in his place.

Jongin quickly runs to catch his steps.

"Thank you! What else can I give in return of your kindness?" Jongin asks when they reach Kyungsoo's comfortable and tidy small house. Kyungsoo takes care of his bruises and wounds meticulously like a nurse, and Jongin feels burdened to return his generosity.

Kyungsoo sits beside him with a mug of coffee, he tosses his glance to Jongin and calmly leans in closer, "You can give me your family name later, but for now..." Kyungsoo leans in for a quick kiss.

"Please help me learn the new taste of your lips." Kyungsoo whispers.

Jongin smiles and hugs the man beside him, he thanks Heaven he finds Kyungsoo in the middle of his chaos life, and Kyungsoo thanks the universe for sending him Jongin before he totally lost himself in the dark world.

Jongin learns a good meal doesn't have to come from an expensive kitchen, a good sleep doesn't have to come from an imported mattress, mostly he learns love doesn't have to come from someone in the same league. He learns love can be found even in the darkest and smallest place, only when one remembers to feel it carefully.

In the end, if they were meant to be, fate will find its way to bring them together; no matter what.

[crossdressingdeath]

Just a reminder that if you have time and feel like writing that post you mentioned about how you would rewrite each DBH character’s story given unlimited runtime, it would be very cool to read.

Ah, right. Quick note that I don’t know much about Connor’s machine path or the violent revolution path or any ending to Kara’s story that doesn’t involve successfully getting past the border guard so I will be skimming those parts of the story. Also it’s going to be pretty vague because Details Are Hard. (Also I’m tired so this is probably not going to make a lot of sense or be in any sort of reasonable order.)

Okay, general points first. I feel like the three stories should intersect more, even if only in a “seeing the aftermath of their actions” way; maybe Connor and Hank are sent to investigate Zlatko’s death after Kara and Alice have gone through, for example. You’ve got three protagonists active at the same time and they barely interact! Come on, give us a little conversation. And of course the public opinion system needs to be used a lot more; it only effects two things in the whole game, come on! It doesn’t impact any of the major human characters, and that just feels wrong. I’ll. come back to this in Connor’s section because I feel like it would be best used there (since there really aren’t many humans in the story outside of his parts and the ones who do show up have reasons to side with or against the deviants outside of public opinion), but if nothing else I’d like it to lead to us seeing humans demonstrating/fighting with the deviants. Also I would like to see at least a few examples of androids deviating peacefully, like Connor does; I don’t believe for a second that there weren’t androids who deviated in a place where they were surrounded by people who were with them all the way.

So, first off: Markus. Mostly I’d just want to extend the timeline a bit and add some more Jericho missions, because oh my god you cannot join an organization of people with no weapons or resources of any kind, become their leader, and successfully change society in less than a week. So just... more evidence of Markus slowly winning Jericho over and helping them gather supplies and resources. Show him helping them set up actual supply lines! Rescuing deviants! Winning over allies! Including human ones, because the idea that there isn’t a single human working with Jericho when pretty much every major human character is in fact on the deviants’ side is... dumb. Also, individual missions with North, Simon and Josh; it would be good to spend more time getting to know them, since as it stands it’s... kind of hard to care all that much when they die. I might also add short scenes where we see Connor’s targets arriving in Jericho if they survive, just to add more connection between the stories (and also I like them and wish more had been done with them). And make Simon a love interest (because this is a choice-heavy game and so I should be able to make the choice to play exclusively as gay androids if that’s what I want), and make it easier to avoid having a love interest; let’s not create a situation where entering into a relationship less than a week after gaining emotions is all but mandatory, hm? Also, maybe Markus should meet Kamski one time? As the guy fulfilling Kamski’s deviant-related plans? Come on, one meeting. Maybe clear up Kamski’s motivations just a bit. And, crossing over with Connor’s story, maybe a bit of stuff them both being part of the RK line and how it went from a caregiver android to a detective android. Oh, and change it so that you’re not guaranteed to have fatalities on the violence path, because insisting that only pacifism can possibly end happily when fighting against oppression seems kind of... not great, all things considered. Frankly given the androids’ combat abilities it kind of makes more sense to have unavoidable deaths on the pacifism route, or alternately to have different unavoidable deaths on both routes, but being admittedly a softy I am very happy to have it be possible to have no deaths on either route. I don’t necessarily expect it to be easy to save everyone (it might make sense to add in missions where you make preparations to increase their odds of survival, or do something similar to Simon’s possible death in Stratford Tower where one of other protagonists’ actions has an effect on the sequence of events), but it would be nice to have it be possible.

On to Kara; I mentioned this before, but instead of her story being a cute-but-boring game-long escort mission where you have to protect a small child who is entirely useless I’d give her a story about uncovering how deviancy works and the history of it. Whether it really is just a glitch or something more, what rA9 actually is... all that fun stuff. No idea how that would actually go, but it would be more interesting than just running to Canada. If nothing else we could get more backstory on how the hell Kamski managed to create androids who are so realistic that that they can develop emotions. And if it is just a glitch there can be more discussion on whether or not simulated emotions are as real as actual emotions, because the fact that they brought up the concept of deviant emotions being a simulation and did nothing with it just feels like a massive waste of potential. And I’d add some more ways to live; from what I understand it’s really hard to keep everyone alive unless you maybe possibly condemn a couple and their baby to freeze to death or get killed by a revolution and keep things peaceful in Markus’s story. While I do want more interaction between the stories, I don’t think your choices in one story should automatically lock you out of getting the best ending for one of the other stories (with the obvious exception of the situations where that actually makes sense; can’t get the best ending for Connor and Hank if Markus nukes the city while Hank is in it, for example). At least with Kara; her story is so separate from Markus and Connor’s that it doesn’t make sense for Markus’s actions to lock her out of escaping to Canada! Also, it adds nothing to the story to have Alice turn out to be an android and robs Kara of her close human companion who has a massive impact on her life; yeah, there’s Rose, but she’s in... what, two missions? That’s less than Karl, who has the additional story impact of having been Markus’s father figure for (if memory serves) years before the start of the game, so there’s no dynamic to build; it’s already there. Keep Alice human! It’s a completely pointless twist! ...I recognise that this does mean that Connor can get a young human girl killed by succeeding in stopping a deviant, but it wouldn’t take much to rewrite his run-in with Kara to not involve a chase across a freeway. Again, I’ll come back to this when I get to Connor’s section. But imagine the impact of things like Todd’s abuse and Zlatko’s section if Alice is human; showing that these villains don’t necessarily see androids and humans as different, but in a negative sense this time. Also, I’d like a sort of prologue to her story featuring the incident that got her broken and led to her being repaired at the start of the game.

And of course now we get to Connor, the best boy who deserves the best. I’ll start with the things I said I’d come back to. First, the public opinion system: imagine if Hank’s thoughts on deviants (instead of just changing for no apparent reason beyond a handful of meetings with people who generally kick his ass and then run away or die with at most a bit of conversation) could be altered by public opinion of the deviants’ cause. Even better; by that and his relationship with Connor. Picture a situation where Hank doesn’t trust or like deviants at all due to them running around killing people but still helps them because he wants to help Connor. It would just be very good. Also, since Connor is the only character hanging out exclusively with humans (what with the station full of cops he’s working out of): imagine more missions taking place (or at least starting) in the precinct where Connor can interact with his sort of coworkers and how the conversations with them could change as time passes and public opinion changes. Also again the possibility for a conflict between dislike of deviants and fondness for this particular android, just for fun. And, also just for fun, maybe a bit of character development for Gavin where he’s still a dick (because honestly he’d be less fun if he wasn’t) but if public opinion is high he’ll pretend not to notice Connor sneaking into the evidence locker and fucking around in there for a while when he really definitely isn’t supposed to. Come on, if you’re going to have heroic cops you could at least do something with more than one of them. Also, more Captain Fowler. All we know is that he and Hank are old friends and he’s totally okay with Hank beating the shit out of Perkins; all in all I’d like to know a bit more about him. And with Kara and Alice: the freeway chase works, sure, but I would like the option for Connor to at least try to save Alice; by this point Connor is already showing signs of software instability, if we change it so that Alice is human him putting the mission aside to save a little girl makes sense and gives us a good sense of who he is as a person, and it fits neatly into steadily escalating refusal to complete his mission that eventually reaches full deviancy. If I’m remembering the order right it’s Ortiz’s android (who you can’t let escape), Kara (who you can let go based on Hank’s orders), Rupert (who you can let go to save Hank), the Tracis (who you can let go just because), and then Markus (who you have to deviate to spare); changing it so that you can let Kara go to save a little girl she’s protecting fits the escalation (you could easily argue that Connor has something in his programming about saving human lives, and as one of his earlier missions shows him being specifically trying to save a little girl it makes a great deal of sense that he wants to protect Alice. Also like. Imagine having the option to push Alice out of the way of a car at the cost of Connor’s life. It would be very effective, I think. Also it’s another opportunity to make Hank like you because he would for sure react well to you saving a small child from getting hit by a car.

Alright, moving on; I’d like some more assignments with Connor before he joins the DPD and gets partnered with Hank, showing him actually earning the title of deviant hunter? Also that way we aren’t stuck with the conclusion that CyberLife decided to send their prototype out into the world to partner with the police in investigations after one mission, which said prototype may well have failed to complete. And we could show more of Connor struggling with what he’s being ordered to do but having no way of stopping himself due to a complete lack of any interaction with anyone with functioning emotions, except for maybe CyberLife technicians. Actually, I’d also like to see what it’s like for Connor going to CyberLife for repairs and debriefing and such, because I doubt it’s fun. Other than that... well, Connor’s story is pretty good all things considered, but there are a couple tweaks I’d make. Aside from the previously mentioned exploration of what it means that he and Markus are both part of the RK line, I’d maybe cap off the added early story for him by adding him being hesitant about turning in Ortiz’s android if you’ve been pushing for more software instability and only going through with it when it becomes clear that if he doesn’t all he’ll achieve is getting himself caught not doing his job, which wouldn’t be a good look. I feel like the most effective way to do it might be if it’s not under player control; if his software instability is high enough he’ll be uncertain about it, and if he’s not he won’t be. And if he is uncertain you could add some options to the interrogation where he can win trust by telling the android he was scared of what would happen to him if he didn’t turn him in (followed by him immediately insisting that that was just a cunning ploy and in no way true when pressed on the matter if he did it out loud and not through an interface). Also: why wasn’t it Hank who pushed Connor to deviate. You spend Connor’s entire story with Hank! He is Connor’s tie to humanity! Why does Connor deviate in one conversation with a complete stranger and not his dearest friend! I desperately want a situation where Hank learns too much or something and Connor is ordered to shoot him and you can either go through with it (killing Hank) or deviate and shoot whoever gave you the order instead. Also then there could be hugs. And maybe forehead kisses because please. Connor deserves a little smooch honestly. He’s earned it. And then if your relationship with Hank is low enough that he’s already dead at this point you can have the conversation with Markus. Also, I would love an addition to the machine path where if you have a high relationship with Hank you can choose to deviate before fighting him (instead of just walking away despite that preventing Connor from finishing his mission quickly) or to deviate after fighting him when he’s got Hank hanging off the edge of the roof. Think about it; a moment of horrified realisation where Connor’s software is finally pushed to the breaking point by having to choose whether or not he will kill his only friend for the sake of his mission where he’s left desperately asking himself what the hell he’s doing? Like, if nothing else it would hammer home the fact that at this point Connor is choosing to remain a machine (assuming his software instability is high enough) to have to choose it twice even at the cost of Hank’s life. Actually three times, because the initial choice would be before this point. Also going that way it would be possible to play through the machine path up to the fight with Hank and still net Connor’s best ending, which would just be nice I think. Also, more hugs. Hugs are good.

...Okay, that’s all I can think of for now. Also it’s uh. almost 1 AM here and sleep is in fact important. So I’m going to wrap up here; maybe I’ll make some more posts later if I think of anything else.

[seokiloquy]

Sniff - Kuroo & Kozume

AU: Werewolf (with hardly any werewolf content, I’m sorry)

Requested (I may have changed it a bit, oops)

Word Count: 2.1k+

Miyagi prefecture was home to many subsidiary pack groups that often were at odd ends with each other. Other prefectures had more balance, forming alliances and annual gatherings to share resources and information. Tokyo was a good example of such, though there were smaller groups that covered less ground, they had a balance. Miyagi did not. Though you were never at the forefront of the various battles that happened between the packs, typically spending your time working on the gardening side of things (which had its own conflicts), you often watched from the sidelines as the various hunters and athletes competed against each other. Training, practicing, getting stronger.

Shiratorizawa was at the top of the food chain in Miyagi, they had the strongest hunters and the largest pack. Aoba Johsai was a rising opponent but never quite made it to the top. Other groups often watched the competitors duke it out when they crossed paths, practice or otherwise. Karasuno, your home base, was small. Most of the buildings in the surrounding area were short and the ground was great for harvesting. Other packs came to your home in need of rice or other vegetables. It had been years since Karasuno was seen as a pack with a fighting chance in the annual trials. The generation that had been known to be award-winning athletes had now grown out of their peak metabolic state, moving on to join the workforce. Very few continued in their sport.

Your family was the head of harvesting. Your father worked with roots and your mother took charge of the pickings, and in your free moments outside of school, you worked in the rice fields. Breaking your back (and others) to gather all the grain when you weren’t learning through the day. 

It was crunch time this year. By some odd chance, three of your town’s teams had made it to the national tournament, beating out the arguably stronger teams of Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa. Because of this, you (and everyone else in the community that weren’t part of the training teams) had to gather as many resources as possible to award the winning communities in their respective fields at the end of the tournament. 

Everything hurts your brain nowadays. This time of the year was a drag. Despite being happy about your pack’s success, you desperately wished that only one team had succeeded. Now, you had to gather three times more rice than you normally did. 

Sadly, Karasuno never qualified for any of the traditional competitions. Hunting, tracking, and speed wasn’t in high demand for a mostly harvest based group. It was the new age games that Karasuno managed to succeed in. Soccer -just like every year-, Tennis, and Volleyball. The latter two were the surprising wins.

“(L/N), do you want a hand with that?” Yoshida was in his final year of participating in these games but as a member of the pack’s soccer team, the two of you had gotten to know each other over years of competition.

You gladly handed over the large wicker basket that held the harvested paddies, “Thanks.”

“You’ve got your work cut out for you this year, don’t you?” the dark-haired player asked rhetorically.

You sighed, “I still have to mill every grain,” you sniffed, “You know what, give that back.”

“Huh? Why?” he asked, handing the large basket back.

“Oujiyama.”

Without warning, besides the brief name you had given, the tennis captain railed into the side of the soccer player, tackling him down. The large wolf easily shifted into his normal form, laughing at the startled man below him. Yoshida growled, easily retaliating and turned the quaffed hair of Oujiyama into a bird’s nest. Bouncing the wicker basket in your arms, you sighed and left the two competing wolves to wrestle in the dirt.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you two were alpha’s fighting for a mate’s attention.”

Oujiyama was the first to recover from the tussle on the ground, brushing off the dirt from his shoulders, “I am an alpha!”

Yoshida, a beta, took the comment as a compliment. He started skipping to catch up to you.

“Maybe, but I know better. Your guys’ egos are just massive.”

Yoshida stopped skipping and swiped the basket from you with a pout.

The three of you travelled to the outer edge of Karasuno’s community, where a small truck was parked. Yoshida dropped the basket in the back along with all of the other containers of food and draped the tarp over it all. 

“Are you guys heading in early?”

Nodding, you tied the blue tarp down to the edges of the truck. “Ya, we have to finish preparing the rice and help set everything up before all the packs show up.” You let out a whining breath, “It’s too much work. Luckily others from other packs will be there to help and the teams that are already in Tokyo will be helping too.”

With the help of some of the other paddy workers across Tokyo, you managed to mill all of the rice that had been brought in three days. Those days were spent waking up before the hunters came back from their treks at dawn, and working on your knees until long after the sun had set. Now your muscles hurt, your nose was stuffed and you desperately wanted some tea.

Stupid sniffer.

“(Y/N), you’re off work right? Can you go to the sport competition sites and bring some of these towels?”

“Huh? Oh sure,” you held out your arms to carry the stack of soft materials. “Which ones should I go to?”

The suit-clad woman checked the list in her hand before pointing behind you. 

“If you walk south you can take a circular route from the wolf and human sprint courses, through the tennis courts and basketball gyms to end up at the volleyball gym. The Tokyo teams are practicing and all of the other packs are expected to arrive later this evening, make sure that there are enough. Oh, those too,” she pointed to a towel filled cart.

Your brain felt numb again. You laughed pitifully as the woman walked away, watching as she yelled at a few brawling wolves on the path. Dropping the towels onto the rolling cart to your side, you began pushing the large weight in the direction of the tracks. You desperately wanted to smell the clean cotton but your nose was clogged. A whine escaped you.

Most of the competing players were taking breaks, a lot of the boys had shifted into their wolf forms to lounge in the sun and pant while a majority of the girls decided to stick to the shade and drink water. They both thankfully took the towels you delivered, though a few came close to biting your hand as they did.

While at the tennis court Oujiyama ran up to you, racket held tightly in his mouth whining for you to pour water over his head. You complied but weren’t too happy about it.

It was only when you made it to the volleyball courts where the players had been playing rigorously. You delivered the towels to the girl’s teams before making your way to the boys, who were yelling much louder than you would expect them to.

“Excuse me, sir, I brought some towels.”

The old man looked your way. His arms were tightly crossed over his chest and his eyes seemed to be set in a permanent glare meant for scrutinizing every movement before him.

“Oh, thank you,” he said, flicking his wrist to look at the watch that was hidden under his red sleeve. “I guess it is a good time for a break. Boys!”

All the heads on the court turned your way, including those that were clearly from different packs. The old man looked sent a questioning look in the direction of the other coaches, who gave a positive nod.

“Break!”

Immediately all the players ran in the direction of their water bottles. Some shifted in hopes to get there faster than the others, nearly breaking their bottles in the grip of the wolf jaws, and startling their managers in the process. Some began to line up before you, politely asking for towels to which you responded by gently holding them out or dropping it around furry necks.

“You seem tired,” the last one said in a hushed tone.

You let out a sigh, “I’ve been preparing rice for the winning prizes for the past few days, and now that that’s done I need to help with other preparations before all the packs arrive.”

The boy hummed, taking a sip from his bottle, “do you at least get to have a break to watch the games?”

“Thankfully,” you said as you leaned against the now empty cart, sniffing. “It’s like this every year to an extent but this time we have three groups competing which means three times the work.”

The boy took the space beside you, letting his weight shift the cart slightly. “What pack do you come from?” He asked.

“Karasuno.”

“Ah, do you know Shoyo?”

You shrugged a shoulder, “I’ve never actually spoken to the volleyball team, but I’ve seen them around. I tend to spend most of my time working, so any of the people I talk to are mostly out of convenience.” You thought about Yoshida and Oujiyama for a moment, “Or they just pester me for food.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, sorry.” You dug your shoe into the wooden floor, “So what’s your name any-”

“Hey Kenma.”

“It’s Kozume. That’s Kuroo.”

“Tetsurou.”

The tall black-haired player that had interrupted the boy you were speaking to -Kozume- walked over with his hands placed on his hips. He breathed deeply before letting out an amused huff. Kozume huffed.

“You’re willing to talk to a stranger you just met over your own team? That’s new.”

“The stranger’s name is-”

“(Y/N).”

“That. And unlike the team (Y/N) actually relaxed and not loud.”

“Are you saying that that’s not relaxed?” Kuroo asked, throwing an arm out to gesture back to his teammates.

The boys he was referring to were all sprawled across the floor breathing heavily. One, in particular, was in his wolf form rolled onto his back while holding the squeezable water bottle between his teeth, squishing it, and chugging down the contents that poured out. Kenma pushed off the cart to stand next to Kuroo.

“That’s exhaustion, not relaxation.”

As the two bickered back and forth, you spun around to grab the handle of your cart.

“I’ll just go. I’ll see you two around.”

They paid you no mind, continuing to argue over Kenma’s relationships with his teammates. Despite the topic being focused on the dyed blonde, Kuroo seemed to be the more passionate of the two regarding the topic.

Nodding, you shuffled backwards while chewing your lip. The coaches, having caught your exit, sent you grateful smiles and waves that you returned before scooting yourself out of there.

Meeting your own packs volleyball team was an interesting experience. As soon as the bus doors opened a few of them, in the canine forms, jumped out and began running around the open parking lot. They howled continuously until their captain had to yell them down. You started speaking to Ukai and Takeda, showing them a map of the area.

When the Nekoma volleyball team came to greet them it seemed as though all hell broke loose. Nekomata came to your side, gently taking the map from your hands and began leading the coaches in the right direction.

You began walking behind the older men, silently listening in to their conversation and chiming in wherever there was a turn to be made.

Kozume began to walk alongside you, taking who turned out to be Shoyo with him. How you managed to participate in their conversation was beyond you, but you mentally thanked Kozume’s ability to keep the energetic orange talking for the lack of silence.

When the Karasuno volleyball team managed to get all their bags inside their rooms you sighed happily, now free of work. 

“You should go rest, a lot of the games start tomorrow and you don’t want to miss them.” Kuroo had popped up, startling you slightly.

You turned to face his hunched figure head-on. “I’m mostly planning on watching tennis and soccer games. My friends are playing.”

“Well, using that criteria you should be planning to watch our games too.” Kenma had somehow managed to get away from Shoyo and sneak up behind you. He looked a bit drained but not much more than he normally would.

“Huh?” you sniffed again.

Kuroo smiled cheekily and leaned a bit further down, making it easier to see both of his eyes through the hanging black strands.

“Well, you should come to see us play. Don’t you think, mate?”

Despite being the person that controls posting these, I don’t tpically have things to say.... oops - Bacon 

Posted: 03/07/2020

[rcyharper]

I’m in a mood to talk about Roy and his struggle with accepting his limits and his status as a hero.

With Roy, I think power struggle is a pretty big part of his character, whether it’s power to overcome his past or his power to help people, it’s always there, but I’m specifically talking about his struggle with power in the sense of him struggling with whether or not he’s good enough as a hero-- the fact that he’s just a human. A guy with a bow and arrow who knows how to aim really well and use weapons.

That’s well and good and all, but I think Roy struggles with the fact that he is only human and the fact that sometimes he can’t do as much as he could.

This is a big example where we see it. Much like Ollie, tries to hide his insecurities from everyone by trying to dismiss them as a joke and being sarcastic. 

I’m pretty certain Lian wasn’t even crying, he just wanted an excuse to leave the room. The fact that that’s been a question on his mind for a long time shows that he struggles with it too. The Titans are very important to him, and I think he struggled with being worried that he might not have been good enough to get a callback. 

I also think that’s why he didn’t rejoin at first even when he was re-invited-- he wanted to stay solo and work on himself, not just mentally, but to actually train to be better. Remember, this is the era when he was working with the CBI and Checkmate, this is where he really got to know his expertise with weapons beyond a bow and arrow. I don’t think he expanded his skills just for the sake of expanding them, I think he did it to try to get better because of this.

I think this whole worry of his comes into play big time when he leads the Titans.

Obviously leading a team the gist of it especially since that was something new to him at the time, but this particular era of the Titans dealt with a lot of space stuff, so that was pretty new to him as well, and it was a big part of his character arc in this run.

And we see him grow into his role, accepting the fact that he is a good leader, that he knows what he’s doing.

By the end of the run, he successfully stops an intergalactic war peacefully, and by that time, he felt that a lot of his worries of whether he could handle the bigger stuff were taken over.

Despite his accomplishments here, we still see him struggle as more events unfold in the future. One big thing that affected him was Ollie’s death. When Ollie died, Roy felt like he failed Ollie, that he let him down (which we all know he didn’t). He felt like him not being asked to take on the Green Arrow mantle or join the Justice League meant he wasn’t good enough.

Joining the JL has always been a big thing for Roy, wanting to prove to everyone and especially to himself that was he was good enough to take on the bigger stuff. We can see it pretty clearly here.

It’s why he did things like this.

We see this develop a lot further in the Outsiders era, after Donna died. She was killed by a Superman robot clone thing. When she was fighting it, Roy was working with Tim on building another robot to stop it, but they didn’t get it finished in time. I think that had a big effect Roy, making him feel he wasn’t good enough to save her. It changed his entire superhero style.

We see him shave his hair, take on a new more advanced suit (one which he’d had built for a while but never used), build a high tech base from scratch all by himself and hand pick a new team to try be more focused. When Roy found out there was a traitor in the team, he did not take that well and set out to find whoever it was. He felt responsible because this team was hand picked by him and he felt a lot of the blame was also on him for picking someone who’d betray them.

One thing we also during this era is that when Mia became Speedy and joined the Teen Titans, he gave her a quiver of arrows that included a Phantom Zone arrow that he’d kept for like 11-12 years for emergencies. The fact that he chose to give it to her is pretty big imo since he gave it to her when she joined the TT, and considering what happened between Donna and a Kryptonian (even though Donna was already back by that point), he was still wary and felt the need to be overprotective.

Anyway that kind of diverged a little but back to the main topic, even after assembling and leading the Outsiders, Roy again was left out a big “heavy” type mission.

This time, it hit him pretty bad, we can see it in the look on his face. It basically put him into full charge trying to go all out proving himself by taking down the Society of Super-villains, a plan that he supercharged and put his full effort into and succeeded with. He then left the Outsiders because he felt like being that type of hero wasn’t for him. Once again, he wasn’t satisfied with who he was as a hero.

When he left the Outsiders, he put his full focus going solo again and when he was offered Justice League membership, that was a huge deal for him. His insecurity about not being good enough made him flat out not believe it.

Again, just from the expressions on his face we see that he still struggles with thinking he’s good enough for this, not believing it, but it’s finally happening. His dream of joining the League is coming into full fruition, he’s taking on the family legacy like he’s always wanted to as Red Arrow while still keeping a sense of independence. 

And even then, he still felt like he wasn’t good enough to be next to the other heroes.

I think Roy’s annoyance with not going on the space mission during Outsiders ties in very nicely with this scene. Power Girl tells Roy she thinks he’s coming there to chase romance, but he never actually admits it himself, and while it may be true to some extent, I think the main reason he’s there is because he wants to throw himself out there and prove to himself that he can handle this stuff.

So basically, to sum it all up, Roy’s always struggled with this insecurity that he wasn’t good enough as a superhero, he always felt like he had to prove himself to others even when he didn’t. He always had to prove himself to himself. It’s why I think him being Red Arrow is so important-- it’s the culmination of all these arcs of him building himself up from his struggles and what he’s been through. As Red Arrow, he was finally fully satisfied with where he was as a person, as a father, and as a superhero. It’s what he’s always aimed for and wanted.

[derpyslurpy-da-derp-master]

Why Emotionally Abusive Dads In Disney Is A Serious Problem

PLEASE SPREAD THIS. LET EMOTIONAL ABUSE VICTIMS KNOW THAT THEY ARENT ALONE AND THAT THEIR ABUSE ISNT OKAY.

So. Let’s get this outta the way immediately, I had and still have an emotionally abusive father myself and it took me a very long time to realize I was being abused. Why? Because I saw so many dads in movies I watched act exactly like him. Because to a kids brain, seeing these Emotionally abusive characters put in a positive light in the end made me think it was normal and okay. But it’s not. Not by a long shot. Because of this I let myself be victimized by my father over and over again, because I thought it was okay. And I just know that other kids with emotionally abusive fathers are growing up with this same skewed perception of morality because a movie said these abusive men are good parents. And before you go ‘What emotionally abusive parents?’

What these characters have in common?

Dream Crushing. Telling their children they can’t pursue their dreams. Neglecting them. Solving arguments with shouting. Not thinking about what their child must be feeling. Destroying or attempting to destroy things their child loves/cares about.

These kind of characters are the reason I thought my emotional abuse was okay.

Now, the reason it was so potent in making me okay with my abuse was because a lot of the things these guys do hit close to home. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve feared for my well being when his temper rose to Triton levels. I can’t tell you how many times my dad’s treated me nicely when I’m doing what he wants like Moana’s father only to snap at me the second I try to be who I really am. I can’t tell you how many times my dad has been like Remi’s father, telling me that i’m crazy if I pursue my dreams as an artist, saying it’s useless, treating me like garbage because I kept doing what I love. I can’t tell you how many times he’s outright abandoned me the second I’m under scrutiny that he doesn’t want to deal with like Buck Cluck does to his son.

I’ll start with the first and most violent of abusive fathers I've listed; King Triton. He’s one of two men on this list that tried to (and succeeded) destroy(ing) something his child cares about, and by that I mean everything his daughter cares about short of murdering Flounder. Like... The scene in Ariel’s grotto ties by stomach in knots every single time I see it because it’s so familiar and so harsh and just... I can’t even put it into words. This scene makes so many emotions go through me, both because of the scene itself and the memories it brings to the forefront of my mind. I’m not going to say anymore because I’d rather not throw a pity party for myself. But this is absolutely the prime example of an emotionally abusive father in Disney, he spends most of the movie literally trying to control Ariel who shows many of the signs of an emotionally abused child. And this... This scene is just the icing on the already toxic relationship.

Tritons not the only one trying to legitimately destroy something his kid cares about, when watching Moana I had serious flashbacks to the aformentioned scene. I already was going ‘great another emotionally abusive dad’ when I saw how the main conflict of the first half of the movie was literally Cheif Tui forbidding his daughter from being herself, something that a lot of emotionally abusive parents do to keep control of their children. But then, this happened. 

He... He wants to burn the boats. He wants to burn the boats Moana had found and chucks the Heart Of Tafiti as far as he can, something of great importance to his daughter. This man is literally pulling a Triton, but in this case he doesn’t get the chance because he tossed the Heart where his mother’s walking stick had dropped. Think about that for a moment, if he hadn’t thrown it right there, He would have been too busy burning boats while his daughter was crying ‘NO!’ to be with his mother on her deathbed. That is how far Tui would go (Moana pun unintentional) to say ‘You can’t be who you are because I say so’ to his child. 

Django isn’t violent per-say, but he definitely is controlling and NOT a good father to Remi.

This guy refuses to let anybody do anything even remotely different from him, Emile mentions at the beginning of the movie that Django would be upset if he saw Remi walking on his hind legs. Yes, you read that right, this guy would be very upset at his own son if he dared to do so much as to walk on his hind legs. That’s how controlling he is. 

And when Remi is found alive at first Django’s nothing but happy that his son is alive, but the second Remi reveals just how much he’s grown as a person away from his father’s suffocating watch Django’s on him again and being even more adamant then before on telling his Son who he can and can’t be.

He goes so far as to take him to a pest control storefront with Rat Carcasses in Mouse Traps hanging from the display to make his point of ‘Humans can only be bad because they hate us and you’re wrong.’ He shows his child dead bodies of other rats killed by humans. To make a point.

Remi rightfully takes every opportunity to be away from his dad, and thankfully had a much better role model in Chef Gusteau who taught him how to create things in his own way and that his father was wrong about the world, and thank god for that, if Remi listened to his father Ratatouille wouldn’t be my third favorite Disney Movie.

Ohhhh Buck Cluck. Where do I even begin. Well how bout with the fact that the Youtuber MysteriousMrEnter hates this guy so much he would ‘Urinate on his grave given the opportunity’ and is from one of the most despised Disney Movies of all time which is very bad/offensive like half the jokes are ‘ha ha this guys fat’ or ‘ha ha this girls ugly’ or ‘ha ha bullying and maiming’

Well Buck’s definitely not the same as these other guys... And by that I mean he neglects his son and abandons him to avoid the embarrassment of having Chicken Little as his son. Oh, and he only ever acts like he loves him after he does good in baseball since Buck wants to re-live his glory days through his son and if he can’t do that his son is dead to him. He. Is. SO EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. He neglects his son and makes his son feel absolutely worthless, he abandons him when he needs his dad the most, all for what? Because he doesn’t want to be associated with his own son??

Every one of these abusive dads has a happy ending and is ‘redeemed’ because they help their kid somehow in the end. Every. Single. One. And the movie acts like the abuse didn’t happen in the first place or that them occasionally being nice makes the abuse okay. It’s already hard enough to get away from Emotional Abusers, it’s even harder when they’re not awful all the time to make you think you’re exaggerating what’s happening to you, and it’s even worse with movies reinforcing that you are exaggerate since these abusive dads are put in a positive light at the end. This entire hot-cold attitude is how Emotional Abusers keep their victims from leaving or getting help. (This push-pull/hot-cold technique is also the same technique used by cults to keep their members from leaving.)

We need to stop letting abused kids think their abuse is normal, we need to stop normalizing abuse.

But, to end on a positive note, here are two Disney Dad’s that gave me some hope and a glimpse of actually good and healthy Father-Child relationship. These dads were genuinely really great parents that were very good examples for their kids and poured all their love into them, and that would be Mufasa and Tiana’s father, James. I mean both of them are dead and have little screen time, but that’s what happens when you aren’t an antagonist I guess.

In the Lion King, there’s a moment that is set up exactly like the aforementioned ‘kid does something they were told not to do which makes emotionally abusive dad lash out at them and/or destroy something they really care about’ that was highlighted with Triton and Tui. Simba just endangered both himself and Nala, Mufasa is clearly upset about it and says he needs to teach his son a lesson. Simba looks like he expects to get the aforementioned treatment of anger and i’m assuming this is the first time he’s ever truly upset his dad. Except...

Mufasa doesn’t shout at him. He doesn’t try to destroy anything. He isn’t upset because his child dared to defy him, he’s upset because his child put himself in danger, he was afraid for his well-being. Instead of shouting angrily, Mufasa takes this opportunity to take his ‘teach my son a lesson’ comment literally and teach Simba something. He teaches him what it truly means to be brave, they resolve their tension by the two being lovingly playful like a father and son should be, then Mufasa decides to teach him something else, about the past kings, and about how he’ll always be there for him. Instead of punishing his son harshly, he taught his son how to be better. That is a good dad.

James on the other hand doesn’t even have the hinting of the usual abusive dad trope to subvert it, James is just that- A really good, supportive dad.

Like, there are SO MANY bad dads in Disney specifically that try to keep their kids from their dreams because they don’t approve or understand, here James is nothing but supportive of Tiana’s dream, in fact they share the same dream of opening up a restaurant they can call their own. James sees her talents and he nurtures them so she can pursue her own dream, he instills the value of hard work and good cooking into his daughter, but not by force like the other dads on this list, because as Mama Oddie says, ‘You’re your daddy’s daughter, what he had in him you’ve got in you!’ Tiana grew up to become the amazing woman she is in large part because she had such a supportive, nurturing father that pointed her in the right direction. 

So, in conclusion. We need more good examples like Mufasa and James, we need to stop pretending emotional abuse is okay, because it isn’t. Let’s set future generations good examples that they don’t get in their own homes.

[thiccboycalum]

Because of You

Authors Note: This is my first time writing something so please don’t hate me if it kinda sucks. I got inspired by the song “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson, as well as my own personal experience with an absent father. depending on how this goes I might continue with this writing thing. - xo amaya

Warnings: Slight cussing, mentions of an absent parent and abandonment issues

Word Count: 2,600+

Y/N always had her guard up around men for as long as she could remember. Never wanting them to get too close to her in fear they would leave. Just as her father did when she was about five months old.

A brief synopsis of what caused the seemingly perfect family to evidently break to pieces: mom and dad were high school sweethearts, dad cheated on mom with another woman, the woman got pregnant and mom did too, and when both children were born the father chose the other woman and a son. Forgetting he had a whole other child and a partner. Abandoning the both of them.

She always had a resentment towards him. Wondering how a father could just forget they had another child. Never calling, never checking in, not even paying child support. He certainly had the means to, he had some of her family members on facebook, he had some of her immediate families phone numbers. Hell, even his mother, Y/N’s grandmother, had Y/N’s phone number. Yet he still failed to open a line of communication.

Yes, Y/N could have also breached the line of communication, but she felt that he should be the one to do so. He was the one who left after all, he was the one that abandoned his family, just to start a new one all over again. Leaving a first love and a daughter behind in the dust. She always wondered if her ever thought about her. Did he tell people that he had a daughter that he never talked to? Did his two sons know about her? Did they ever talk or even think about her? These are all questions that would pop into Y/N’s head every once in a while.

But it was especially hard when she would go to a friend’s house and see the loving relationship they had with their dads. Of course she would put on a happy exterior, not wanting to ruin any moods, but she couldn’t help but feel jealous. Why couldn’t she have had a normal life and had her father in her life? Why was she put through the emotional pain of having an absent parent? She was just an infant when he left, so how could he just abandon an innocent child that didn’t ask to be in this world?

So ever since that day she built walls to protect her heart that had been broken by the man that was supposed to love her unconditionally. The man that was supposed to set an example of how she should be loved, but how was she supposed to know how a man should treat her if he was never there from the beginning? There had been a few boys that had tried to break those mile high, inches thick walls but none ever succeeded. She would push and push them away in fear of possible abandonment. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it to work out with them, she was afraid. She didn’t trust herself to love anyone because she felt that the moment she would let them in they would bounce. It was hard to trust anyone that wasn’t her family or close friends, and even then she still had a nagging feeling they would leave also.

But that all changed once she met Calum.

He was so incredibly charming and so easy to talk to about anything, but she hadn’t told him about her relationship, or lack thereof, with her father. She never liked talking about it because she never liked the looks of pity she received from others. She only told when she had gotten to know a person for a while. At this moment in time Y/N and Calum had been together for only a few months, but Y/N still held back. She never opened up to him about her past or pretty much anything, solely asking about his family and the relationships he had with his mother and sister. She also never asked about his dad.

Calum found it odd that she never talked about her past or even her family. He loved talking about his family, all the memories the had together. He noticed that when he showed her a family portrait of him, his sister, and parents her eyes lingered on his parents. When he tried to make a joke about how his mother had forced them all to wear matching sweaters and how much they had all hated it he could tell her laugh was faked.

When he would try to flip the subject and have her actually talk about herself she would quickly change the subject about something that had happened that day or the day before. Was it something she was ashamed of? Why did she not want to talk about her family? These questions always nagged at Calum, but he never wanted to push her to talk about something she didn’t want to. He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. He had also noticed how she had been distant with him and it broke his heart because he truly cared for her. He thought she was absolutely beautiful, had an amazing personality, a pretty banging body, overall just a whole package. He could picture being with her for a long time, but he felt as if they could never progress in their relationship with her keeping her distance.

Tonight was one of those nights where they enjoyed each other's company and watched movies together. Tonights choice of movie was a random one they had found on Netflix that turned out to be worse than they had expected. Calum laying on the couch with Y/N laying her head on his chest, him running her hands through her hair calming her, eventually resulting in her falling asleep on top of him.

Once the movie had ended Calum looked down at the beauty and admired her. Her plump lips partially parted as soft snores left her lips, eyelashes rested gently against her cheeks. He thought she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, gently pressing his lips lovingly against her forehead.

He was about to put on Friends when he heard a small whimper coming from her. Quickly looking down at Y/N he saw tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Please...don’t leave.”

These words startled Calum immediately coming to the realization that she was having a nightmare. Her tears coming down faster her sobs getting stronger. He quickly shook her trying to wake her, trying to get her out of whatever she was seeing.

“Y/N! Babe wake up!” he continued to shake her until her eyes fluttered open. She became startled once she had realized what had happened. Immediately becoming embarrassed Calum had seen her have one of her notorious nightmares. She sat upright and began wiping her tears away. The two had stayed quiet, Calum waiting to see if she was going to say something, Y/N waiting to see if he was going to say something.

The silence was deafening, seeming lasting hours before Y/N finally decided to break the silence.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me. I’m just gonna go to my room, you should probably head out. It’s getting pretty late.” Quickly brushing of what had just happened as if it was nothing. Pushing herself off the couch, heading through the halls of her apartment so she can just lay on her bed and wallow in her emotions. Leaving Calum on her couch, him still not have said a single word, stunned about what had happened. He knew he couldn’t leave you home alone while you were clearly going through something. Quickly getting up and following you to your room.

He walked up to your closed door and pressed his ear up against the door, listening for signs of you. He could hear muffled sobs through the door. Quietly opening the door to see Y/N’s figure laying with her back against the door, clutching onto one of her pillows, sobbing uncontrollably. Calum quickly moved onto her bed, wrapping an arm around her shaking body.

Y/N jumped at the feeling of the bed dip, and was startled when she felt Calum’s hand wrap around her. She had honestly thought he would have left because that’s what she was used to with past potential lovers. Calum was the first to try and comfort her, and she found it endearing. She turned over so she was facing him, forgetting about the pillow she was clutching on ever so tightly. As soon as she saw his face her sobs got stronger and she nestled her head into his chest, also wrapping her arms around him as best as she could. Calum smoothed her hair with one of his hands and used the other to rub up and down her back. He could feel her tears seep through his shirt, but he didn’t care. His only focus was to calm her down from this nightmare that clearly upset her.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here.” He could feel tears start to burn at his eyes. He always hated seeing the ones he cared for cry.

“But you won’t be for long.” She managed to say between her sobs. The comment startled Calum, similarly to the one she said when she was asleep.

“Why would you say that babes? I’m here right now aren’t I?”

“But you won’t be for long. You’ll just leave like he did.” Those words hit Calum right in the heart, hating that she thought he would ever leave her. Who was this “he”?

“Leave like who?” he gently grabbed her face in his hands “Babe please talk to me. I need to know how I can make you feel better.” She was hesitant to talk about him. She didn’t want Calum to leave her after he found out about the emotional baggage she carried.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” Calum sighed, desperate to know how to make her stop feeling this way. She ripped her face from his hand and stood up from the bed. Furiously running her hands through her hair as tears still streamed down her face.

“Because you’ll just abandon me after you find out. You’ll leave with no hesitation once I tell you. I am so emotionally unstable and so fucked up in the head and you’ll just leave. Just like my dad did.” She said the last part so quietly Calum almost didn’t hear it. Suddenly everything started making sense to him. Why you never talked about your family. Why you were constantly asking about his. Why you got so weird after he had shown you family photos.

Your dad abandoned you.

“Babe..what happened?” you could feel the tears coming, but you needed to get this off your chest. You had pushed your emotions down to much and this was your breaking point.

If Calum left, he left. At least you got something good out of this short-lived relationship. You sat back down on the bed next to Calum, not touching him, just sitting near him. She didn’t barely noticed she had stopped crying.

“When I was about five months old my dad left my mom. When I was younger I didn’t really care about him not being there. I had my mom and my grandma and they really kept me from losing my mind, but when I got older I found out the truth about why he left.” Y/N took in a deep breath trying not to cry again. Calum gently held one of her hands and placed their conjoined hands in his lap, motioning her to continue.

“He had cheated on my mom for a while even before she got pregnant with me, but she didn’t know. He told her when she found out she was having me, but it turns out she wasn’t the only one pregnant with his child. He was going to have two babies, one that was going to be born in August with my mom, and one that was going to be born 7 months earlier in January with another woman. When my half brother and I were both born he was around for both of us. Spending time with the both of us, but he wasn’t living with my mom and I. He was living with his other family. Then when I was five months old, he stopped visiting. Stopped calling. Stopped any contact with anyone from my mom’s side of the family. Forgetting that he had a baby girl.” Calum wiped a tear that had fallen from Y/N’s eyes so she could continue.

“When I found that out that’s when the problems started. I started thinking, was I ever good enough for him? Why didn’t he want me? Why did he choose to spend a life with his son when he left his daughter behind like a piece of trash? I cried so much because of him. I started hating myself because I thought I was the reason he left. I thought it was me that did something wrong. That made him leave.” Y/N’s voice started to crack as the tears came back. Calum quickly wrapping his arms around Y/N.

“That was definitely not your fault babes. You were just an innocent child who just wanted to be loved, and your piece of shit father couldn’t even do that. Don’t ever think it was your fault.” Calum could feel his blood boiling and a hatred forming for this unknown man. He wanted to track him down and beat the shit out of him for making you feel this way. He wanted to make him feel just like he made you feel.

“I know but I just couldn’t help it,” Y/N continued after she had calmed down a bit, “but I couldn’t help it. I used to absolutely hate how I looked because I thought that was the reason he left me. I ended up struggling with depression and anxiety as a result of this. I never let anyone in because I believed that if my dad, the only person that’s supposed to love me unconditionally, left me, why wouldn’t anyone else? That’s why I’ve always kept a guard up. Why I’ve always been distant with so many people. With you.” She looked up at him, searching for a reaction or any indication that he was going to leave, bracing herself for another heartache.

But he didn’t.

Calum simply pressed his lips to her, putting as much love into it as he could, gently caressing her cheek. She was taken aback not expecting him to kiss her, but to get up and walk out the door. Nonetheless, she started to kiss him back. When the pulled away he leaned his forehead onto hers. He looked into her eyes trying to figure her out. It was in this moment Calum knew he was in love with her.

Y/N was having a similar moment. It was at this moment that she had realized how much she was in love with the curly haired cutie. If she was quite honest she was scarred. She had never loved a man before, there was still the feeling in her brain that he would leave, but she could feel in her heart that he might not.

“I love you.” Y/N managed to hesitantly let out, hoping he would reciprocate her feelings.

Calum smiled that smile that Y/N loved so very much and placed another kiss on her lips.

“I love you too” He let out with no hesitation once he had pulled away, running his thumb across her cheek. “And I’ll never leave you like he did.”

And Y/N hoped it would be true.

[heavens-light-and-hells-ice]

Another letter to his lady.

This letter was started, scrapped, and redrafted many times over the past moons, as Rosaire Ledigne sat at his desk, watching the winter approach through the hazy window. As Starlight nears, he tries again, his pen at first direct and confident, gradually becoming uncertain and disjointed. In the end, this attempt peters out as well, the letter left unfinished -- though out upon his desk, open to his lady's discovery, till the next time he decides to try again. 

To my dear lady Gwenneth Ledigne. 

A very long while ago you asked about my family and my upbringing by my parents. Though the answer I gave at the time was honest, I admit I did not wish to get much into the topic -- for I did not think the story much relevant to our lives, now that a greater part of mine has been spent avoiding House Saincourant than having aught to do with it, and so thought it better to spare you the recounting of that unpleasant history. Yet even though that opinion of mine is not much changed, I do feel it mayhap a disservice to you to avoid the topic -- a topic that I confess I have thought more of in recent moons than I have for decades, mayhap because the subject is not so irrelevant as I once thought, our circumstances being as they are. 

I have been told -- and indeed I have even seen evidence -- that in some highborn families there is love, and not just a love of fame and power. This was not the case in mine. My father had tremendous pride in his Fortemps blood and, when he was young, nursed ambitions of valor and glory with which he would distinguish Saincourant among the subsidiary houses of the Unicorn; but he had the misfortune of being born during a time of Nidhogg’s slumber, never to skirmish with aught more fierce than dragonflies, and in his desperation for honor injured himself in a joust, limiting his future pursuits to ballrooms, councils, and at the very most, hunts. Though true glory was lost to him, he was infatuated with the appearance of it, and threw himself into pageantry and politics; he secured for himself a woman of equally good Haillenarte lines and set to breeding pawns for future honors and alliances. 

At our most numerous we were eight in total. The firstborn, my brother Aleaume, whom you know as the present Lord Saincourant, was immediately pleasing to our father, who devoted himself to grooming him for prestige and greatness. I was the third son and fourth child and so, initially, not of much concern. I was wet-nursed immediately in a far-off corner of one of our houses; though it be unkind of me, I doubt my mother held me more than once a moon, as by day she was busy with a lady’s engagements and by night was needed to produce the next. In those days it was not at all uncommon to lose young children, and I suppose my parents dealt with that concern by warehousing us till we were of the age of reason -- not without luxury, as I have no memory of ever wanting for food or warmth, but in the hands of servants. 

At times I have thought it fortunate that I was born with the temperament that I have, for while I was never without a nursemaid, she was so often changed -- reassigned to one of my siblings, mayhap, or replaced with a more convenient, less costly local girl -- no one face stands out in my memory as that of a beloved substitute mother; a more sensitive child would surely have suffered from neglect, but I cannot remember pining, only existing, quietly and quite contentedly, in mine own solitary thoughts and imagination. At other times I have wondered if the development of an uncaring temperament was such a child’s only recourse. Regardless, while I was not injured by this upbringing, it did not endear my parents to me, and when they did take an interest in me, I did not fawn over them like Aleaume did. 

During my ninth winter, I was at our country estate while my younger siblings were in the city with my mother, along with my second brother at boarding school. My father and Aleaume were off on some business, and I suppose my elder sister must have been at the estate as well. That year plague hit, and all my brothers and sisters in the city died. My mother survived, but she was not unaffected by the loss. Though she had not much use for her babes while they lived, losing five of eight at once devastated her, and she began to cling tight to my sister, as I suppose I did not warm sufficiently to her sudden embraces. Then, during my mother’s last pregnancy, my sister died, and so when Victoire was born, she became my mother’s most precious treasure, ever to be coddled and held close. 

Mine education was provided and needs met, but my father did not have much to say to me till I was in my first year at the Scholasticate and surpassing the other pupils. By that age I was too canny to be fooled, and it was obvious to me that any protestations of fatherly love were deposits made on the investment of a high-placed son in the clergy, with connections and favors expected as returns. I hated all that business -- the pretended alliances, the bartering of daughters, the exploitation of smallfolk, the politics of power and naught else -- I despised him and my hypocritical, toadying brother, and resolved then that my family would enjoy none of my success. When I graduated, I went to the Tribunal, became Ledigne, and built my career and legacy entirely on mine own. While they lived, my parents loathed me for choosing to stand not for the house but such frivolous things as justice, Halone, and the greater good of the Ishgardian state; after my brother succeeded and ruined Saincourant reputation and finances, he never stopped scheming for a way to get his hands on the fortunes I’d made during my time as an Inquisitor. Victoire is of the same cloth, spoiled and selfish -- but she does what a noblewoman must to survive after her brother marries her strategically to some well-titled boor, and for that I cannot resent her; but I have no wish to introduce her to my wife.

Not all highborn are irredeemably corrupt, I will grant; we know examples enough to know that not all of them end up so. But I admit some of mine antipathy to that class, and to the way of things in Ishgard, comes from the first-hand knowledge of how the demands of politics, money, and reputation warp natural familial affection into something entirely different and unnatural. When blood is mixed with power, it is poisoned, and curdles -- and the husband's feeling for his wife, the mother's for her children, the brother's for his siblings, turn gradually from the benign sentiments designed for us by the Twelve into amoral opportunism, strategy, barter, and greed. It makes us all pieces on the chessboard of the Pillars, and it is a game no highborn can choose not to play. 

It disgusts me. 

And I do not want her to be raised as I was. 

I am not so naive as to think that all lowborn are raised in innocent, carefree love. The pressures on those families are oft just as great, and their straits are far more likely to be dire, with pragmatic choices to be made between love and survival. But those stresses are, in my estimation, nearly all produced by that very highborn society pushing down on them, exploiting them in plays for their own advancement in the game. Nobility -- stratification -- difference -- it truly is a sickness that infects every part of our society, ruining individual happiness, familial harmony, even our ability to follow Halone's commands. As pleasant as the picture of the gentle lord defending his subjects is sometimes painted, in truth its underside -- sometimes its face -- is always ugly. 

You know how I feel about the L. & the C., and that is unchanged -- because I do not think it is the right medicine for Ishgard. But, ardently, I pray that our nation is healed, and that the Ishgard of the future -- your Ishgard, my young wife, and that of our child -- is one more equal, and so less sick, more honest, more holy than what my grandparents, my parents, and I have allowed it to be.

And I pray that you my child shall not resent being raised in our strange little family, highborn without a House, with luxuries and privileges fewer than those enjoyed by past generations, and a bloodline not all may at first accept. I pray she shall not be angry with us for the choices we have made and the traditional path we forsook. Certainly, we will make mistakes, and when grown she will look back on them with disapproval -- 

but, Halone, let her look back on this choice, to raise her as an ordinary child in an ordinary family, and understand it was made in love, and for love.