#Emotional Abuse

[undeadentropy]

Taking this out of tags because I need people to know that if someone actually does respond well to this kind of self flagellation, they are NOT someone worth apologizing to. That is someone who does not have your best interests at heart. Don't beat yourself for an abuser. Get. Out.

Sure, you know how to self-flagellate, but do you know how to apologize? Saying "I'm a stupid idiot" is not the same thing as saying "I did something wrong."

[destinygoldenstar]

This just really speaks to me. I’m saying this as a bit of a vent from my latest therapy session.

It’s quite hard to process Emotional Abuse, let alone overcome it. I had a pretty poor childhood due to military, and my schools, kids and adults alike, tearing me down all the time and making me hate myself.

It only took me till now to see a therapist, and it’s been diagnosed that I was abused emotionally for several years.

So hearing this line just… it really makes me feel heard. Because I’ve thought that all the time. Even after I’m away from those people now.

You just think that everyone hates you, even though they like you and say to your face they like you.

If you get overwhelmed or have a trigger, you go back to those people who condescended you. You think they’re right. You think they want you to fail and suffer.

Emotional Abuse is real. It damages one’s brain and hurts them. It makes them on edge even when safe. It sucks.

And it’s also hard to confront that and work towards undoing the damage they’ve done. Especially when you don’t know how.

Anyway, that’s my prediction that Pomni was emotionally abused by someone in some way. It would make this line hit harder. And it already hits hard.

Just… god bless this show. It’s helped me in tight emotions like this. ❤️

[ruminate88]

You’re not always as special to some people as they were to you. It’s just how it is.

[nemosopenletters-blog]

I just want to be important, too.

[kaijuposting]

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

[its-simply-just-krys]

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[amaditalks]

Gaslighting isn’t the same as lying.

Gaslighting also isn’t lying a lot, or lying and deflecting the lying by shaming the victim for not believing the lie.

Gaslighting is a long con. It is a practice of ongoing emotional/mental abuse, that doesn’t just involve lying, but manipulating or altering someone’s reality in order to make them question both the truth, and more importantly, question their own mental and cognitive wellbeing.

The reason that it’s called gaslighting is because the tactic was demonstrated in a 1944 film called “Gaslight” starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman‘s character’s husband tries to make her have a mental breakdown.

He tells her that she is having blackouts (she’s not) and doing things that she didn’t do.

He steals things from her, and tells her that she lost them herself.

He makes noises in the attic of the house, then tells her that he wasn’t in the house at all.

He steals things from other people, puts them where she will find them, and then tells her that she stole them.

He puts his pocket watch in her purse and tells her that she stole it from him.

He isolates her from the world by telling her that her behavior is too erratic to be safe near others.

He encourages their housemaid to be cruel to her and to repeat his lies about her behavior.

And, to apply the title, he repeatedly causes the gas lighting (it’s set in 1875) in her bedroom to go dim, then comes into the room, and when she says that the lighting is dim, he says, no, it’s perfectly fine.

It goes well beyond just lying. Gaslighting is a setup to make the victim so confused that they’re unable to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the world around them or even themselves.

It’s beyond time to stop calling run of the mill dishonesty gaslighting.

[flakops]

“guilt tripping”

[traumasurvivors]

Examples of invalidation through emotional abuse

When people order you to feel differently

“You need to get over it.”

Telling you how you should feel

“You really shouldn’t let this bother you” “You should feel thankful that…”

When people minimize your feelings

“It’s not that bad.” “You’re being over dramatic”.

Attempting to use “logic” to invalidate you

“Let’s stick with the facts” “There’s no reason to be upset…”

Passing judgement and putting labels on you

“You’re too sensitive.”

Making it your problem/isolating you

“No one else feels this way” “It’s not bothering anyone but you”

Trying to make you feel guilty

“I was only trying to help you…” “You’re bringing everyone else down with your feelings”

None of these things are okay. And while the person saying/doing these things may not intend to be emotionally abusive, that doesn’t change the effects these words have.

Your feelings are valid. Even if they don’t “make sense”. You deserve the space to feel them. While you should be mindful of how you handle them, you aren’t wrong for having them.

And also… please try not to be one of the people saying these things to you. You don’t deserve to hear them from yourself either.

[dragonheartstring360]

can’t emphasize enough how when you grew up in a toxic environment, being in the room with someone who’s angry or frustrated - even if it has nothing to do with you - is absolutely terrifying cuz you’ve been 1000% conditioned to assume frustration = all hell is going to break lose and be aimed directly at you

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[a-sip-of-milo]

Things people label as abuse when it's done to a partner that parents somehow get away with

Hitting/spanking. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

No privacy (no privacy = going through their phone, tracking their location, attending therapy appointments, etc.). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but good parenting when it's a teenager.

Emotional neglect. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "not the parents' fault" when it's a child.

Overworking them. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but earning their keep when it's a child.

Doing things to purposely make them cry. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but hilarious when it's a kid.

Breaking their stuff/deleting video game progress. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

Forcing affection when they don't want to. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them good manners when it's a child.

Locking them in a room that they can't escape. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "they've got to learn one way or another" if it's a child.

Expecting them to suppress their emotions. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to be mature if it's a child.

Getting angry when they ask a question/challenge your logic/need clarification. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to not talk back if it's a child.

Not letting them eat anything unless it's what you put in front of them (that includes not letting them get anything for themselves). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them to be grateful if it's a child.

If you've ever labeled any of these things as abuse when an adult opens up about their experiences but will defend parents who do the same thing, you need to reevaluate yourself.

DNI: Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social/Histrionic abuse believers.

[intersexcat-tboy]

Am I "reading too far into it", or did you not read that far?

Am I "going too deep", or were you unaware of the depth?

Just because something is a joke or a hyperbole doesn't mean the basis of such is unharmful. What is the joke meant to be laughing at? Have you thought about that?

[yourdeliciouspoison]

You wanna know why I stayed and talked to you?

I saw your flaws, insecurities, trauma, and doubts. I noticed the way certain things make you tremble, but I still want to talk to you. Because even as broken as you think you are, and as much of a burden as you think you are, I see an amazing, kind, beautiful, one-of-a-kind soul that needs to be loved harder than any other.