#but still weirdly attractive to the right kind of demon

[technically-human]

A gift for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are

Often, when they commission me, I receive a list of prompts to choose from. I feel bad for the ones that I don't end up drawing, so here's one of them: a helluva crossover. Guess we could call it... Helluva detective agency lol

And here's some lore

Edwin is an Incubus from the Lust ring. However, he wants to be a detective, and is not very interested in the seducing people, even when it could help. Still, demons are often attracted to him, despite him not trying! The one he wants, though, doesn't seem all that interested...

Charles is an Imp from Wrath who ran away from home. Unlike many imps, he doesn't want to become an assassin, so he ends up acting as Edwin's bodyguard, even though the incubus can't really pay him... And turns out, he's not half bad at this whole detective thing himself!

Crystal is an Infestor demon from Envy. Her job is, of course, to mess with people's head... but someone messed with hers, instead. Without memories and not knowing how to use most of her powers, Crystal ends up being helped by the boys.

Niko is a demon from Sloth. She hasn't yet decided what she wants to do with her life. Maybe she could become a nurse? but while in the middle of some personal matters, she came into contact with a parasyte that stole her energy. Truly embarrassing for a Sloth demon!

[sqquiddd]

(aaaa im feeling silly now! thank you! 😊💖) so i was thinking about a douma x reader in which douma is quite bored but reader finds a way to cheer him up by giving him a blowjob (i imagine douma initially oblivious to what the reader is going to do, then he goes full "(⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠)" when realizing what it was about, i think it would be so cute!! but still, do as you wish! ;^] )

i'm so inexperienced with writing blowjobs but i hope you still like it T_T (btw reader is also an upper rank/demon)

douma lets out a low groan, golden hair tangled and scrunched up between his long, pale fingers as he drags out another dramatic sigh. you look up from your book, confused, your eyebrows furrowed as you look at the demon.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, closing your book shut. douma scoots closer to you, his head falling onto your shoulder. “oh, i'm just so, so bored, y/n! i don’t know what to do with myself.” you roll your eyes. you're going to behead this bastard soon. you give him an unimpressed look and douma pouts at you in return. “take your temper tantrum somewhere else. you’re bothering me.”

“c’monnn,” douma whines, wrapping his big arms around you. this man has no sense of personal space. “y/n, i’m so bored, come play with me,” he cries in your ear and you look at him with disgust. “no,” you say, forcefully shoving him. “go bother someone else.”

douma almost looks like a sad puppy and you find it weirdly cute. he looks like all his hopes and dreams have been crushed by your palms and you feel slightly bad for him. when douma gets up to leave, defeated, you yank his arm down and shove him on the cold wooden floor, crawling on top of him. damn you, douma. “fine,” you give in, “what do you want to do?”

you swear you saw his rainbow eyes light up at that and he's grinning happily like an idiot. “well, i was thinking of feasting on some-” douma abruptly stops himself when he feels you palm his crotch. “what’re you- oh.”

"is this not what you wanted?" you ask, feeling him through his pinstriped pants. he feels so fucking big in your hand despite being flaccid and you rub your thighs together. you smile to yourself when you see douma's flushed face, still visibly confused, his legs subconsciously spreading for you. "w-what?" well this is certainly unexpected.

“i'm playing with you, aren't i?” you murmur, teasing his length through the fabric. he's actually so pathetic right now, and you laugh at the wet patch on his pants caused by his leaking tip. he lifts his hips up for you as you peel his pants off of him, revealing his semi hard dick, oozing with precum.

“you have such a pretty cock, douma,” you admit, wrapping your fingers around his flushed, throbbing length. you slide your hand up and down, using the copious amounts of precum that's coming out of his slit to help with your movement. douma’s mind slips into oblivion as you give him painfully good, slow strokes.

douma has never thought you were the kind of demon to do this. of course, he always found you to be quite attractive, and well, yes, he's had one or two fantasies about you before, but he never thought that this would actually happen between you two. much less you the one who's initiating it. he’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t even realize you're leaning down to take his dick in your mouth. his back arches beautifully when he finally feels the heat of your wet mouth, pretty lips wrapped around and sucking on his cock like they were made for it. 

douma shamelessly moans and pants as you start sucking on the tip, tongue swirling around the head and probing at the slit. he's fucking soaked and you wonder when was the last time he felt the touch of someone. the bitter taste he's leaking everywhere in your mouth has your eyebrows knitted, but you don't mind. you move your head forward to envelop more for his dick, your tongue tracing a prominent vein. fuck, douma wants nothing more than to stuff your face full of his dick right now, but he's not greedy. he doesn't mind you taking your time, considering how big he is.

“fuck, y/n...” douma groans softly, grabbing a fistful of your hair and slowly thrusting up into your mouth, shoving more and more of his length down your throat. you moan, your free hand already reaching down to rub your heat, touching yourself to the sound of douma's voice. “so good, so good,” douma gasps, biting his lips. “you're such a good cocksucker for me, y/n.” 

douma fucking drools at the sight of you touching yourself, and his dick throbs painfully inside your mouth. you're such a fucking slut. not that he's complaining, he loves it. plus, he's not bored anymore.

[whereserpentswalk]

Because of certain advantages that they give, a lot of 21st century companies actually encourage their workers to become various types of monsters. Witches can cast helpful spells. Werewolves are bigger and stronger than humans in their wolf form. People infected with fae "madness" often have physical abilities other people don't. Demons don't eat or sleep and don't physically injure easily. And the list goes on. Monsters are still very marginalized, and the people who own these companies would never think to become one, but they're seen as the ultimate workers by many, the perfect dehumanization. Most people still don't want to become monsters for many reasons, but that's not the same as what companies want from people.

Your roommate is a musician, she's semi successful, specially as a singer. Legally her employer can't request she become a vampire but they're heavily pushing for it, she's ultimately free to do what she wants, but they make sure to let her know becoming one is what she needs for her singing career to take off. She's twenty three right now, every year she ages she's considered "less appealing" to audiences, but if something were to happen to make her stop aging entirely every music producer in the city would suddenly consider her a more valuable asset.

Eventually she orders some vampire venom, the stuff that makes people turn when they survive a vampire bite, online off of the grey market. She's weirdly excited for it. She has one last night of eating solid food, enjoying her favorite meals before she can't anymore. Every time she has second thoughts she asks you or one of her other friends to stop her, because it's not like she's exactly going to have a job if she doesn't do this. She takes some time at the meusum to learn a bit about vampire culture. Watches the sun set incase she's not able to see the sun when she changes. She asks you if you want to have sex with her, because so many vampires are asexual she knows this could be her last time for that too. You ask her what she think she'll miss most about humanity, she says she doesn't know, vampires are so diverse she won't know what she'll lose or gain. Then she falls asleep for the last time as a human, and lets the venom flow through her blood.

When she wakes up you hear a horrible noise. See, vampires are very diverse, immortality and bloodsucking is all they really have in common. And while a lot of them are very human like and sometimes even considered more attractive than humans, others are fully monstrous looking, and very alien to humanity. Sadly, she ended up becoming a subtype in the latter category. She's barely recognizable, her hair was bleached white, and her eyes pink pupiless orbs like a rat's, and her skin so pale you can see veins and organs underneath. She lost so much weight in the transformation you can barely, going from having an hourglass body type, to being so skinny you can see her ribs. And most disturbingly of all, her mouth has twisted into a perfectly round and always open hole, with rings of sharp fangs, just like a lamprey's, her upper and lower jaws are permanently fused, she'll never sing or so much as speak again.

Within a week her life is kind of ruined. She's from one of those subcategories of vampire that's so monstrous most vampire activists distance themselves from them. She can't sing, and nobody wants to see someone like that play guitar. Her family disowns her for religious reasons, telling her their daughter is dead. She's extremely light sensitive, not only can she not see the sun, she has issues with any bright light, there's a reason why most vampires of her subtype live in the subways.

She hates her body being like this, when she looks at her face in the mirror she starts crying, she cries a lot actually. She moves differently now, she crawls on all fours and climbs flat walls like a bug almost as much as she stands up or sits down, and when she does sit it's in very inhuman poses. She seems to hate the way she feeds, leaving way larger wounds than most vampires, and her main source of blood being rats for the time being, she cries whenever she feeds. Her reproductive organs have changed into a single hole, which fishlike eggs come out of, and hatch into little minions that she seems really afraid of, though they seem to want to please her. She didn't even lose her sexuality so the lack of normal genitals hurts her even more. Beyond everything else she's upset that she has no mouth, her voice was always her most noteworthy feature, the way she expressed herself. She can't even talk, now, having to use AAC to communicate. She used to sing as a way of venting or calming herself, and now she can't. All of her friends try to be supportive, but a lot of them are really uncomfortable around her being like this, one of them even told you he doesn't see her as the same person anymore. It's hard to even get sympathy, when most of the world sees her as a vain woman who got what she deserved seeking eternal youth, without most people knowing she didn't have a choice.

You try to be nice to her. It's the best you can do. You let her wear your comfy clothing, and stay up at night to keep her company. You try to give her a lot of physical affection, which she seem to want a lot more now, it really helps just to pet her and cuddle her. And you call her pretty, and call her sweet and lovely, and that seems to help her. You'll also spend time just talking to her, she seems to like just listening to you now. You also watch TV with her, just because you don't want her to be alone, she keeps rewatching things from her childhood, like clone wars and Steven universe, just as a weird way to remember when she wasn't like this.

She still makes music. It's different now, music that she can make purely with software on your desktop. But it's beautiful in a way that nothing she made before was. There's something so strange and impactful about it, and when she's confident enough she posts it, and she gets a following. It's a lot of other monsters who seem to enjoy it, people who've been rejected by society in a way that can't be put into words without cheapening it. The type of story told best through a wordless song.

[beevean]

hiii i dont really have anything to say this is just an invitation to ramble if you ever want to. for freebies. talk at me ill take notes. rattle on about anything ill be quite gleeful about it. this is your free talking ticket (not that you need one per se but i thought the note that i like reading about your thoughts might be nice if nothing else)

Awwwww I appreciate the free ticket a lot 🥰 you're right, it's always nice to have confirmation that others care about your ramblings, so thank you :3

I'm using it because brain got stuck on a random thing: while I was in my phase of gorging on CoD fanfics, I found interesting how different fans interpreted the in-universe reasons for Isaac's appearance.

(sir. sir why do you look so good in a random ass mobile game)

He clearly cares a lot about how he appears. He styles his hair in a certain way, he wears eyeliner (red eyeliner that matches his hair even, which implies he put thought into the best color), he wears impractical but stylish high heels, and in the MF manga he's shown having long nails: while I interpret this as him striving to imitate vampire claws, it still would take a lot of manteinance, and he even hides them under his gloves. I have also pointed out that in PtR his uniform is kept more prim and proper than Hector's, weirdly enough. And with the exception of his uniform for obvious reasons, Isaac still puts care in his appearance after going insane with the Curse.

But what does it say about him?

Some fans seems to simply think he's kind of a peacock. He's vain, he's flamboyant, he knows he's the hot stuff, maybe he's really trying his hardest to hit on Hector lmao. It fits with his arrogant attitude. Maybe he's even a bit of a perfectionist/tryhard: he doesn't need to waste time putting on eyeliner, but damnit, he wants to look his best to work. A king, if you ask me.

Others seem to think it's a sad form of overcompensation. Isaac is not particularly pretty, especially compared to the very beautiful Hector. He has traits that others might see as ugly, like slanted eyes, a large mouth and a big nose. Even worse, while silver hair is obviously unnatural but can be seen as fascinating, red hair in that era was 100% seen as the mark of the devil - and Isaac's red is bright, attracts even more attention. It's not impossible that Isaac was abused for how he looked like, and has some sort of complex about it. In fact, we all know Isaac is the incarnation of the inferiority superiority complex: he has an arrogant, cocky attitude, but he's also extremely insecure about himself, his skills, and being seen as second best/not good enough. So maybe he spent most of his childhood hiding and being ashamed of himself, but now in the place where he truly belongs he has rebounded in the opposite direction: oh, you think I'm unsightly? Have all of me in glorious display! You think my hair marks me as a demon to extirpate? Why yes, I am a demon, and I'm not letting you forget it!

With this mentality, no wonder he'd cover himself head to toe in demonic tattoos that prove his utter loyalty to Dracula, and no wonder that, after he dies, he lets his clothes rot off his back to show even more of his self. He has nothing to hide anymore.

And he still wants to hit on Hector, obviously :P

[2005noroithecurse]

For the ask game: #12, 13, and 21? 💙

ooohhh i can't wait to be a hater ^⁠_⁠^

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

asmo without a doubt. when it comes to him a lot of the fandom generally writes him off a sex pest under the guise of "he just makes me uncomfortable" which is valid to a point, but most ppl don't wanna sit with or examine why a character with his specific traits would make them uncomfortable to begin with. and they don't wanna do that because a lot of the time it would mean acknowledging things like how ppl who present like asmo irl are treated within the queer community (esp if they're not thin/white/conventionally attractive but still share his traits yk) & straight women specifically having to acknowledge the way they tokenify ppl like asmo/characters like him across media & irl. they enjoy the "pet gay" thing & generally dislike being challenged on why that's not actually ally behavior. asmos a good example of that "yas queen" token queer person groups of het women like to parade around like show dogs. asmo also resonated with me as someone who's experienced hypersexuality & exploiting myself for scraps of attention bc I thought that's all love or affection was, or rather it was the only kind of love or affection I'd ever be worth receiving. he makes me feel weirdly understood in that way, and that's why he's actually so close to my heart.

13. worst blorboficiation

mammon. like we've gotta be real w ourselves he does suck actually he acts like an asshole pretty consistently to his brothers & ppl treat it like they have no right to get incredibly angry over it but honestly if my irl brother stole my credit card and racked up insane amounts of debt for me or consistently roped me into some scheme that reads like a rube goldberg machine I'd probably consider killing him for at least a solid ten minutes. also him sucking is actually pretty important to his development, he starts to improve somewhat with mcs presence & advice/direction. like that's really really important actually

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

Lucifer's sexymanification via his canon sadist reputation. yes he's fucking scary powerful demon that also makes me salivate thinking about him playing tetris with my guts but he's also WEIRD. this is the guy who likes fucked up vinyls & cursed objects & wears the fucking church loafer 3000's & has way too much stress in his unending life of course he's gonna be weird as shit. any person irl with even a fraction of that amount of stress starts behaving like the characters from the lighthouse let him be odd & say odd shit

choose violence ask game

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Action Masterlist

Alliance (ao3) - kcanwrite

Summary: Almost a century ago, the world was demolished by nuclear war. The few survivors thrived and now live in small villages dotted across the harsh and erratic landscape. Their lives are dominated by survival and petty land wars with neighboring clans. Their only enemies were the Earth and each other, until a new enemy descended with weapons both ancient and futuristic. Can two opposing clans join forces to defend their home, or will their century-long rivalry get in the way? When two young men from each clan meet in the wake of an outside attack, they’re forced to form the first alliance or face certain death.

Butterfly (ao3) - A_Million_Regrets

Summary: Phil Lester, a lonely writer, finds a dying boy with beautiful black wings on a cold, rainy night in a dingy alleyway. He recognizes the boy as one of the winged men hated by human society. They are considered to be wild, ferocious beasts, but Phil's sympathy forces him to help the boy.

What happens when the boy, considered to be a wild beast, gets too attached and follows him home with an innocent, dimpled smile?

But What Was Right Anyway (ao3) - FoxyAtlas

Summary: Third book in the 'But Love Is Overrated Anyways' series, behind 'But Love Is Overrated Anyways' and 'But Who Was It For Anyways'.

dimensions taller (ao3) - seasonwon

Summary: Phil, an agent of the MI-6, is obligated to work with criminal Dan Howell to steal a device wanted by the British government. However, trouble ensues when they have competition Dan is all too familiar with. Phil learns the hard way of trusting the unpredictable, and also of an unwanted broken heart.

Open Sea (ao3) - CanYourDan

Summary: When fisherman Phil accidentally gets a merman caught in his net, decides to nurse him back to health. The new science facility has other ideas, however...

Paradisal (ao3) - rcsyphan

Summary: phil wants the universe at dan's fingertips *:･ﾟ september, 2018

Six Ravens (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary: Dan meets Prince Philip at a cyberbullying campaign, but what starts as a working relationship grows complicated when Dan realizes he’s falling for the prince and maybe, just maybe, he’s not alone in his feelings. (Part One is complete and is a full story on it's own. Part Two is still in progress)

the demons that bring us together (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: Dan knew he should be doing his patrols of London, especially with Valentine still on the loose, but he gets sidetracked and when he goes to a downworlder cafe, he meets Phil. The warlock isn’t like most downworlders. He is kind and caring, and weirdly enough, attracted to Dan.

the mighty fall (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil are detectives whose biggest problems are each other. That is, until they get caught up in something bigger.

There's Love in Power (ao3) - janest

Summary: dan howell always knew he was special from the moment his hand went up in flames without him even thinking. he never thought twice about it. after an accident that kills his parents, dan is sent away to a school to help him control his powers. there he meets a boy, phil lester, who can create steam from his fingertips and manipulate any body of water in front of him. the two go on an incredible journey of friendship and love, fighting to save lives and possibly the world itself.

Think About How to Think (ao3) - JulyIdes

Summary: AU Phan. Dan Howell is a YouTuber; therefore, Dan Howell is also an enemy of the State. Arrested on a job, Dan suffers the horrors of becoming a State prisoner. After being rescued, he faces PTSD, nightmares, and self-hatred. To make matters worse, Phil is pushing for a break-out of all State prisons. Dan's stuck between his own fear and the freedom Phil wants him to have.

[somebodyssherlock-heterodyne]

Jay is known as God's Mistake in every mage group chat because yes they all love him for being a clever little shit and exploiting the hell out of everything, but also they think he is so fucking annoying bc they're all out here taking pains to not attract the wrong kind of attention. They're in the spellcaster version of a stealth car driving super careful trying not to be noticed and Jay is just flying past on a firework powered shopping cart with a stolen DJ speaker blasting Chappell Roan because he's under no obligation to give any fucks at all. He's just found the One Little Hack and now he's unstoppable. Most of JL Dark regard him with a mixture of fondness and 'damn you for being a lucky bastard' that sort of evens out into 'he's the world's most annoying magic hacker gremlin but he's OUR teeth grittingly infuriating magic hacker gremlin.'

Constantine does eventually realize with equal parts dawning horror and teary pride that he's created a monster. Jay has started taking a shortcut through the Astral Plane to get groceries and he's got like eight ghosts he enlists to spy on the local craft store and tell him when their sales are. The printer he and Jon use has actually been broken for the better part of five years. Jay was batting off a small wisp demon that followed him home (clingy sneaky fucker) and all their mason jars were full so he just. Panicked and trapped it by binding it to the broken printer.

"Heads up our printer has a demon in it now" is not the weirdest way he's started a phone call with his husband.

Jon regards their possessed printer with the utmost affection and it shows clear favoritism towards him. Jay and the demon in their printer have a mutually antagonistic relationship that requires Jay to bribe it with Doctor Who audiobooks if he wants to get anything out of it, but Jon just waltzes right the fuck in and coos over it like it's a roomba and it's spitting out the most beautifully printed pages Jay's ever seen in his life.

I think it would be Very Cute if Jay noticed at one point that despite the amount of astral plane bullshit following him around (he's still trying to figure out the balance between sealing and Back Off magic for the wards), Jon is weirdly unaffected by most of it? Like, knowing what he does about the way magic and kryptonians exist on interfering wavelengths, he should be noticing significantly more disturbances than he does.

The cause of this turns out to be a small cat spirit who apparently has a great deal of practice batting various unseen entities away from Jay's husband. She explains, when he casts the requisite spells to ask, that Jon did his very best to save her once and she's been hanging around until she gets the chance to be reborn as his cat again, because she did enjoy it the first time even if it ended on a low note. Also her name is Goldie so jot that down. And when she gets to be Jon's cat again she wants a bow on her collar.

Jay shrugs and figures that there's already a Parousian bird spirit following him around, Jon might as well have a cat haunting him. He eventually remembers to mention this to his husband who immediately starts crying. It does work out that Jay manages to give his familiar physical form and that Goldie gets what she wants, which is very lucky because he's pretty sure no other cat and bird duo would be this calm around both each other and Jon's... questionably terrestrial service dog.

(Sometimes a family is you, your magic bird from an extinct species, your husband, his service dog that's secretly an alien, his cat who's been haunting him for over a decade, and the demon that's trapped in your printer.)

I’m wondering how you see the future of Jon and Jay? It always seemed to me that they would be a family who live in their own house, have a child, a dog, maybe some other animals. Like, an average happy family.I don’t know why I think so, it’s just that when I see them, it immediately pops up in my head

OOOOOOOOOOOH DONT GET ME STARTED. Okay let me give you the rundown of my future for these two.

I think they live together in a house they built by hand in the mountains of Gamorra/Free Parousia. Up in the woods by a mountain lake, away from most people, but still able to travel into the city as needed. Has a bunch of guest rooms and a rotating group of people who may stay there when they're doing hero operatives in the pacific.

They have some chickens and quail in a little backyard coop. I think Jon in the future ends up needing a service dog, and I also think they have a few cats who wander around.

They have a bio daughter (who I hath named Dahlia and will draw occasionally) and also end up parenting half the young heroes who inevitably crash at (or into) their house.

Jon's a high school teacher during the day, and has largely retired from being Superman. He'll occasionally bust out the cape when another Crisis inevitably happens, but day to day he leaves that to his family. He trains Lizzie- Not his choice, she just keeps showing up at his house trying to fight him. He also represents earth on occasion to the United Planets, which almost always ends with him calling someone a very mean name on official record

By day, Jay's still an investigative journalist, a really good one. By night, he's Gossamer, leader of the Revolutionaries (after they all made Osita retire). He's the kind of guy whos face leftist teenagers wear on t-shirts. Jay's one of the sole protectors of Gamorra and is generally regarded as pretty scary.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Bella and Beauford (your version of Beau) are twins, similar features (brown eyes), similar chip on their shoulder, similar flowery language, and Ed can't read either of their minds and both smell like grade A beefcakes. Both move to Forks. What kind of mess do you think will go down? 030 Does Eddie boi get the harem he's never wanted? How much can we destroy the B&B team self esteem? Find out on today's episode of the What if Muffin chronicles~! - Sw

Beauford is a reoccurring guest star on this blog.

Think Bella directly plastered onto a boy: absurdly pretty, still clumsy, still terribly introverted and awful socially, and smells like heroin to one Edward Cullen.

With that, onto your question

The Rules

To set some ground rules that are set in the post, I'm presuming both, somehow, are Edward's singer. Now, given that it's Bella and Beauford (fraternal twins), I'd say this is highly unlikely. Singers are rare, and Charlie and Renee don't notably smell like high quality heroin to Edward. More likely, Bella would be the singer, and Beauford would just smell generally nice (but not murder all of Biology nice).

It's also unlikely they'd have the same exact gift, or a gift that expresses itself in the same manner, blocking Edward out of their minds.

But the rules are set, both are Edward's singer, and both have Bella's absurdly powerful gift.

They're for all intents and purposes the same fucking person that somehow got stuffed in two different gendered bodies. The real genesis of this AU: Renee was abducted by aliens while pregnant and her unborn child experimented on. Beauford is, in fact, Bella's identical twin. Beauford is actually Bella's male clone grown in the womb.

After Bella and Beauford reach sexual maturity they'll be beamed back up into space and put into a zoo on Traflamador. (Except not because that would derail this post... The test pilot on Traflamador blew up their planet before Bella and Beauford could phone home. It's not important.)

Bella, Beauford, and the Time Before Forks

Bella and Beauford are probably frightfully codependent for a few reasons that go by the name of Renee. Renee's still out to lunch parenting, and it falls to Bella and Beauford to take care of adult responsibilities from a very young age.

Bella and Beauford come home from school to an empty house, are the ones to go grocery shopping, pay the bills, pay the taxes, do the laundry, pretty much anything that has "adult responsibility" stamped on it.

As a result, they don't really have time to make friends with kids out of school, and they quickly realize that they're the only ones they can depend on in their lives. More, they're the only ones who get each other on any level.

They're both social outcasts, both not what their mother wanted, both have to deal with their mother, and if they ever get in trouble then it's their sibling that they're going to call. Because no one else will ever be there.

I imagine both Bella and Beauford cling to each other tightly with both hands.

Which, of course, makes things weird.

There's getting along with your twin sibling then there's... only getting along with your twin sibling.

Bella and Beauford have lunch together, by themselves, every day in Phoenix. They partner together on everything and are very displeased if they're forced into a group project with anyone else. They participate in all the same activities and if one isn't allowed to do it then the other quits (yes, Beauford tried to get into ballet class, when Renee put her foot down Bella quit right then and there). They wear each other's clothes, if they can't, then those clothes never get worn (Bella never wears the few dresses in her closet). They actually remember their made up secret twin language and lapse into it accidentally from time to time. They're anxious when they're not in the same classes and meet up after every single class to walk down the hallways together. Rather than have any friends, most of their free time is spent at home reading the same books in the same room. They don't even talk about how amazing Heathcliff is, because they know the other knows.

I imagine they channel such the twins from The Shining. Absurdly good looking, beautiful, kids but good god what is wrong with them?

The Decision to Move

When Phil enters the picture seriously, he's not just a new boyfriend, Bella and Beauford sit down to discuss their options. Neither is quite sure how they feel about Phil.

He's awfully young, but he seems to be good for Renee, and is actually capable of paying his taxes (unlike Renee). He can probably be depended upon not to run off and to make sure Renee is taken care of.

However what about Bella and Beau?

With Bella and Beau going to school, they can't travel across the country every few weeks following Phil. Now, in theory, Renee could abandon them to follow Phil. This wouldn't make much of a difference in their daily lives (might, in fact, make things easier in a way as then Beau/Bella can just handle all the cooking rather than Renee even attempting to). However, Renee would never want to admit she's been leaving her kids to their own devices for years, and would feel horribly guilty to leave them behind.

As it is, they've already told Renee she can go on and travel with Phil and she refused, stating she had to be there for her kids.

There's also that Phil keeps trying to bond with Beau especially. As if he thinks it will be easier to bond with the teenage stepson vs. the stepdaughter. That hasn't been going well, Beau would like to avoid that if at all possible.

On the other hand... Forks, wet, cold, and being the children of the police chief's runaway bride.

Ultimately, the pair come to the same decision Bella came to in canon. They want their mother to be happy, feel desperately like third wheels, and if making Renee happy necessitates going to Forks then to Forks they shall go.

At least they'll have each other, and in the end, that's all that really matters.

Arriving in Forks

Bella and Beau arrive in Forks and receive the same reception they would otherwise. But more so. Holy god, the high school population says, it's the Cullens 2.0.

Eerily pale, beautiful, siblings, who are both sensitive intellectuals (and are also weirdly incestuous acting). All the guys want to date Bella and all the girls want to date Beau (some vice versa but they're not admitting that in a public high school in 2005).

The guys (Mike, Tylor, Eric, etc.) aren't all that thrilled by Beau's presence, he's major competition and day one is attracting all the attention. However, they see him as a way to get an in with Bella, he can set them up on a date and put in a good word. If they become his best friend, they have an excuse to go to his house, where Bella will be.

The girls (even Lauren who was initially very pissed off about Bella's sudden popularity) are much the same. Bella's overrated, but good god, that beautiful brother of hers. If they become Bella's best friend, they can have sleep overs, and might be able to see Beau without a shirt on. No matter Bella's stuffy personality, that hot brother is worth it.

Lunch that first day, as a result, is even more awful than it was in canon. Bella and Beauford, while generally oblivious about themselves, are very observant when it becomes to the behavior of others regarding their sibling.

They have an emergency meeting in the truck after school and come to the same conclusion: Bella/Beau, this entire school of hicks wants in your pants. Dump them all.

Both Bella and Beauford end the day supremely annoyed but reconfirm their commitment to this Forks plan. Beau predicts than in six months they'll be losers again and they'll go back to having lunch by themselves.

But what about the Cullens?

Edward, The Cullens, and Biology

As in canon, both Beauford and Bella notice the entrance of the alien procession into the cafeteria and ask "what the fuck?"

Nobody's thrilled about answering, because no one wants to lose Bella/Beauford to the Cullens of all people (the girls sigh with relief as, at least for them, all the lady Cullens seem to be dating one of the other guys. Beau is safe. The possibility of Edward/Beau is one they dare not contemplate in those five seconds.)

Still, Jessica reluctantly gives the run down. These are the Cullens, they moved in two years ago, are absurdly wealthy, beautiful, and supposedly not actually related. They're all dating each other. No, seriously, they are. Except the hot ginger, Edward, but don't bother because he's an ass.

Both Bella and Beauford think Jessica doth protest too much about Edward and internally give the Cullens the same bisexual Bella ranking: Rosalie, Edward (after a bit of thought), and then the rest of them.

Edward, for his own part, notes that he can't seem to hear either's thoughts. Weird. He concludes that the pair are highly overrated and he can't believe the school's so agog over the pair of them. Stupid teenagers.

Then Biology happens.

The pair open the door and good god, Edward Cullen is a demon. Luckily for them, they have each other. There may be an open seat next to Edward Cullen but Bella and Beauford go "NOPE". You see, teacher, we always sit together. No, really, we ALWAYS sit together.

The teacher is weirded out but it's so weird he actually has nothing to say to that. There's only one immediately open seat anyway, and two new students, so they're clearly in trouble with seating arrangements anyway. So he says, "Um, sure, go sit with Angela I guess." Angela is now in an overcrowded table with both Bella and Beauford, her original partner gleefully goes to sit with hottie Edward (then is in dismay sitting with Edward because this guy looks terrifying today). The twins, throughout Biology, are staring down Edward Cullen.

Edward, of course, has smelled the scent of the gods and is going through his personal hell on earth. He devises his many schemes of how he's going to murder Biology before he can get to the pair of them (Angela, for the record, gets smashed into a wall for the honor of being in Edward's way). Then, he doesn't know which he'd start on, he can't tell which scent comes from which. He tells himself he'll toss a coin, heads the boy goes first, then tails the girl.

Still, thinking of Carlisle's sad, disapproving, face as Edward massacres a room filled with children allows Edward to hold on through Biology. He'll murder them after school. Then of course he's able to clear his head and flees to Alaska.

In the meantime, thanks to being hyperaware of their sibling, and now having someone to talk to and confirm their suspicions with: Edward Cullen is Ted Bundy. This guy is creepy, dangerous, and in that moment it looked as if he was going to kill one or both of them. Bella/Beauford would be alright, though disappointed, if they were murdered then left in a dumpster. But their sibling die and meet that same awful fate? Not ever allowed to happen.

Bella and Beau have the world's most tense drive home and tense night taking turns taking guard and sleeping in the same room. Every time one questions if they're, maybe, just maybe, a little paranoid about this, the other confirms that "NOPE, THAT DUDE WAS SCARY".

They can't tell Charlie, he wouldn't believe them and they have no evidence, but when Edward tries to climb through their window maybe one of them will get in a good hit with the baseball bat (they won't, they're both debilitatingly clumsy).

The next day, to their confusion and relief, Edward Cullen isn't at school. He's not there the day after that either, or the day after that...

Beau and Bella start to relax, if only a little bit.

Edward, Alaska, and the Prodigal Son Returns

Edward in Alaska calms down and goes through the same thought process he did in canon. He keeps picturing the twins' faces, his obsession beginning to blossom, and convinces himself that he can't let these unremarkable humans get in the way of his life and his family.

After a week of brooding, much to Carlisle's horror, Edward returns to Forks and goes straight back to school. Specifically, he wants to do damage control with the twins and see just how much they actually noticed.

This goes worse than in canon.

First, Edward has to approach their shared table with Angela like a loser. There, Bella and Beau clearly don't want to talk at him, at all, and both clearly vividly remember exactly what happened last Biology class.

Edward barely gets a word in before he has to go to his seat. When he notices Bella, Beau, and Angela get their lab done as quickly as him (thanks to Bella and Beau), he tries again.

Bella and Beau both ask to go to the bathroom. (Yes, teacher, at the same time. Don't question this.) They don't come back. Edward, after ten minutes, also goes to the bathroom. He finds the pair in their giant, red, truck in the parking lot, deep in conversation (trying to figure out what the fuck is up with Edward Cullen).

He approaches them again, being as charming as possible. This has the opposite effect. Directed towards only them, Beau/Bella would probably let this slide. Directed towards Beloved Sibling, their "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON" sirens are blaring in their head. Beau floors it, and the pair tear out of the parking lot as fast as the truck will take them, they're telling Charlie they're taking a sick day. What will they do next Biology class? FUCK IF THEY KNOW.

Edward, standing in the parking lot with his mouth open, feels very very embarrassed and ashamed. He is a man eating demon and these two are perfectly aware of it. The rest of the Cullens find him there not long after, they find this both sad and hilarious.

Bella and Beau Get Hit by a Van

Well, this would all be well and good. Edward tells himself that if the pair are so determined to avoid him then he'll just avoid them. Problem solved. More, the pair don't seem to be chatterboxes, there's no weird rumors spreading about Edward Cullen or his siblings. At least, no more than usual.

Instead, it seems that everyone's trying to ask the twins to the dance, and are very confused when the twins say that they're going with each other. Sibling policy. You see. (They don't see, nobody sees, this is weird.)

Then it happens. Bella nearly gets hit by a van, Edward saves her, with Beau as a full not-concussed witness. FUCK. Bella and Beau travel to the hospital, Edward driving along behind them, and then after Carlisle checks Bella out they have their awkward talk.

Bella wants to insist that Edward was clearly the one who saved her, with his strange superhuman strength, but thanks to twin telepathy (which either is actual telepathy or is just reading twin body language, who even knows) knows that Beau wants her to shut up. They say nothing, the truth isn't important.

Instead, Beau states that he was the one who pulled Bella out of the way, Bella's just confused. Edward stares at Beau like he's an alien. Beau just smiles, thanks Edward for his concern, then throws Edward out of the room.

Bella and Beau madly discuss that Edward's clearly not human. More, while he saved her life today and that was very noble of him, neither has truly forgotten how he was in that first day of Biology. More, did you see him now? He clearly wanted, desperately for Bella to not remember what happened. He crushed that van like a pretzel, what if they told him that they saw him? What would happen to them? Beau doesn't want to take chances, not even for the truth, and in retrospect Bella doesn't either. Now is not the time to look gifted horses in the mouth.

Given Bella's injured, Beau's on full guard duty that night.

Meanwhile, the Cullens have their vote. It's even more dramatic, because instead of just one innocent, injured, witness, there's two witnesses and one was completely uninjured. Carlisle is utterly appalled that Rosalie genuinely suggests murdering them both so she doesn't have to move. He's more appalled when Edward reveals that he believes the twins may believe that Edward... wishes them harm for having witnessed his heroics.

Because the irony being that the twins are right, the family is voting on this very issue right now. And what does that say about all of them?

Thankfully for Beau and Bella, the vote goes very similarly to canon. Jasper's not convinced until Alice has her vision.

And she drops the bomb. Edward's in love with Bella, Beau will be Edward's best friend and Bella Alice's, and both Bella and her brother will be turned and join the coven.

(Now, what Alice doesn't tell Edward is that, actually, Edward's in love with them both. It's safer to say that Edward's in love with the woman, as that's what Edward will far more readily accept. Throwing Beau into that mix would just make things very messy, if Alice wants her best friend and Edward's happy ending then she has to be smart about this.)

The family has a similar reaction. Carlisle gives his, "Well, alright then" and the family doesn't move. Edward, in despair and self-hatred, heads to the Swan house to see sleeping Bella for himself.

And lo and behold, Beau has been waiting for him. Beau tries to smash Edward's face in with a bat. Unfortunately, a) Edward's a vampire, b) Beau misses.

Beau and Edward end up talking, man to man, while Bella is sleeping. Edward decides that, yes, oh woe, he is in love with Beauford's sister and confesses as much (while also confessing that he might, you know, actually be dangerous). Beau suggests that Edward stay far away from his sister.

No, there's nothing Beau can do to stop Edward. Yes, he is just a pathetic human even more pathetic than most, but he promises that he will make Edward and his family's life hell on Earth if Edward ever thinks of assaulting his sister.

Edward protests he would never, Beau points out that Edward just climbed through his injured sister's window in the dead of night. Edward... tries and fails to explain away that one.

He actually does succeed in that he explains that Bella was in danger from... his siblings. Edward had come to protect Bella, to make sure none came to harm her. It's not necessarily his siblings' fault, it's complicated but... Well, Edward was trying to be somewhat noble.

Then something strange happens. Edward finds himself fascinated by this Beauford Swan. Such courage in the world's weakest, no most delicate, body. Look at those eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfectly shaped features. This boy is beautiful, as beautiful as his sister, and just as courageous as she is. And look at him now, nobly facing down a demon he knows he cannot win against for the sake of his sister.

How virtuous.

Edward tells himself that what he's feeling is kinship and admiration for Beauford Swan. Bella could not have a worthier brother. Edward leaves with the promise that he'll respect Beau's wishes (Beau doesn't believe that for a second).

The next morning, Beau tells Bella that Edward's the world's biggest creep and that the Twin Watch is not stopping anytime soon. They're going to need to make a big purchase of coffee.

Edward and His Torment

As in canon, Edward decides he should nobly stay out of Bella's life. He'll see if either twin really does talk (they don't) and then he'll ignore them until they disappear. They will forget him.

They don't, but they do discuss him. See, after much pondering, the twins realize that Edward truly is a Grade A hottie. More, he's so mysterious and inhuman. In retrospect, his saving Bella's life goes a long way, and for all that he's been... menacing, he's never truly threatened them and does seem intent on protecting Bella. More, he seems to be keeping his promise: he's staying out of Bella's life and he hasn't been back to the house since (he has, but they haven't caught him, Edward waits until they both crash until he can sneak in and stare at them both).

And he's never lied about being dangerous. Their glares soften into pondering glances, wondering just what the truth of this Edward Cullen and his family really is, and wonder what it'd be like to let him into their small, insular, world that no one before has ever managed to breach in the way he has.

Bella doesn't believe he's truly interested in her, despite Beau's insistence, and wonders if he's interested in Beau. Beau, for his own part, doesn't believe Edward's interested in him and insists that he's clearly very interested in Bella.

Reluctantly, the pair conclude that Edward is something likely very dangerous, against Edward's will, but benign. Whatever it was they sensed from Edward that first day, it was not something in his control.

Helping this is Edward enabling the mysterious mystery by breaking. He can't stay away from the twins. He tells them that he's tired of staying away from them, that they shouldn't be friends, that he doesn't want to be friends (but wants to be something hint, hint, wink, wink). Except he's convinced he and Beauford are friends, dual protectors of the angel Bella Swan. If he stares a little too much at Beau's perfect figure then that's because he's the perfect, male, version of his perfect sister.

Anyway, the twins go to Long Beach with the others and the twins are now just too curious. Edward's giving them nothing and they must know. Bella flirts with Jake for information, Beau is appalled that this works, and they hear the cold ones story. That night, they both have the prophetic Slayer dream: Edward is a vampire.

Bella tells Beauford that she knows three things. One is that she's in love with Edward. Beau's not sure how to take that for a second but, being Bella's twin and on the same weird wavelength, he gets it. He's in love with Edward too.

Neither finds it strange that they both confess to being in love with the same demon and that they see no conflict of interest in this.

The pair go to Port Angeles to help Jessica and Angela pick up dresses. (Angela and Jessica aren't sure why a man is coming, but they've learned not to question this twin thing). Bella and Beau ultimately decided not to go to the dance, too risky giving the deluge of invitations they received, and instead they'll be headed to Seattle that weekend. They claim this is not a date, Angela and Jessica just stare.

Due to Beau being with Bella, though the pair get hopelessly lost looking for the book store, Bella doesn't get followed by rapists. Edward shows up anyway, as Alice saw the possibility, and takes the pair of them to romantic Italian dinner. It's weird.

He then drives them home and Bella blurts it out. Edward's a vampire, she and Beau know. Edward has his miniature meltdown and realizes that these pair of siblings forgive him this. Beau, beautiful man that he is, is giving Edward his beloved sister and Bella is giving not only herself but her wonderful brother's hand in friendship.

Edward invites them both, that's right, them both, to the meadow. Neither thinks this is strange. And when they get there. Boom, it's over, any chance to question this is gone. Both Bella and Beau are seduced by Edward's sparkling chest and his quotes about lions.

He rests his head on Bella's chest but puts his right hand on Beau's. They sit like that. For hours.

The Cullens (Again)

Well, this went from weird to fucking weirder. It was weird enough when Edward became obsessed with this rando teenage girl. Now, it turns out that Edward's a horn dog panting after bisexual twins, clearly intending to romance them both at the same time.

Carlisle dearly tries to have an intervention. He sends Esme to do it, as in canon, this doesn't work (Esme is perfectly fine with Edward's twincest fetish and thinks it's wonderful).

Alice tells a dubious Jasper that Edward and Beau are just friends. Jasper doesn't believe her, but he's not sure what to even say.

Emmett is desperately holding in Edward sandwich jokes. Desperately.

When Beau and Bella are invited to the house (together of course), the entire family has no idea what to say to them. At all. They don't know how to process this. Rosalie is actually there this time, because somebody needs to warn these two about what Edward really wants, but then they're too weird.

It's all just too weird.

And... the rest of canon happens.

The baseball game occurs, James dies, Victoria's not sure which Swan she should target and so she targets them both anyway. They're in the same damn place so it makes 0 difference.

Bella and Beau joint hallucinate Hallucination Edward, somehow, and get even weirdly more codependent in their zombie fugue state. This tanks their popularity as now there's no denying the incest. Bella and Beau don't care.

Bella and Beau reach out to get Jake to build them the motorcycles. Jake doesn't necessarily want Beau around, the dude's weird and getting in the way of Bella time, but alright. Bella and Jake's friendship doesn't take off because Bella's codependent on Beau.

They do learn about the wolves though thanks to Jake's crush on Bella. Jake never realizes that he's coming in third place not only to Edward Cullen but to Beauford Swan. He thinks he has a chance. That poor boy.

Bella and Beau jump off the cliff together, convinced they weren't committing suicide.

Alice returns, gets Bella and Beau to go to Volterra, because Edward has to see that they're both alive. There's a joyful reunion, Aro is really weirded out by this whole damn thing and has a five second pause after touching Marcus' hand. "Well." he says afterwards, "You and your brother are close. I see."

They get to go home, Aro insists they turn. Eclipse happens. Edward proposes marriage to Bella. Neither Beau nor Bella are thrilled (mostly about the marriage and also about the question of how the twin enters this equation) but ultimately Bella accepts. Bella and Edward marry publicly.

Beau is invited for the honeymoon. Edward, Bella, nor Beau question this. Everyone else does. A lot. On Isle Esme, the three confirm their commitment to each other: they have a secret marriage. Edward and Beau are both convinced they're not in a relationship. Bella and Beau are convinced they're not incestuous.

Sex is had by... someone. Unclear who.

Bella gets pregnant, this seems to confirm Edward must be the father but... Bella and Beau are both very strange, almost alien, and very gifted. There is some red in their hair. Questions the Cullens dare not speak aloud are thought, Edward doesn't seem to notice.

TL;DR Basically, the books still happen but Edward is cuckolded and enables twincest.

...

I did not see this one coming guys. I swear. I did not.

[divinesapph]

How the obey me side characters would do mc's hair ♡

warnings: f!mc (female main character)

Genre: !fluff

A/n: This a head cannon for the side characters only! And this is also for a mc with long hair. If anyone wishes for this head Cannon with the brothers/ a mc with medium or short hair; let me know!

(Bonus! A cute pic of baby Simeone aghafagva)

Solomon

Oh boy- Let's just say with a little magic here and there, you end up looking like a witch with ghost/souls rising from your head. This man thinks everything revolves around magic, and therefore, nothing CAN'T be done without it... Or so he thinks. The only good thing out of him doing your hair, is the remarkable smell. Yes, it may look completely horrifying but at least it smells nice. It smells like Jasmine, with a hint of Rosemary. Quite pleasant, if I may add.

Simeone

We all know Simeone is more of an, elegant, soft, and pure type. So you should expect that type of style. I mean think about it; he's an Angel. And so he would obviously give you an angelic hairstyle. It takes him a while to do your hair though, but do be patient with him! It's not often that he gets to sit and do someone's hair, not to mention,, your hair. He is a bit nervous since he's never did something like this before, and he want's to be as gentle and delicate with you as possible. Almost like a mother giving their first child their first bath. So of course it takes him a while to actually do your hair. But believe me when I say the wait was worth it; As I said before, you look like a complete angel. The most angelic of angels actually. Your hair is neatly braided into 2 braids, with each of them carefully rested on your shoulders. They're decorated with your f/c flowers, and very tiny hair pins that sparkle like diamonds, and what looks like gold hair glitter. At the top right side of your hair rests the healthiest, handpicked, f/c flower that blossoms so bright that it's practically blinding. It's the biggest of them all, and honestly seals the deal. Oh and let's not forget about the smell. Oh god is it breathtakingly beautiful. Not just that but weirdly.... Attractive. Of course, there isn't anything in particular he put in your hair on purpose to make it smell so attractive; It's just the aroma from those healthy handpicked flowers. They say the secret ingredient to a food recipe is love. No one ever said it couldn't be that way for hairstyles too.

Luke

Well- What can I say? He tried. Give him a chance, he's a child after all. When you first asked him to do your hair he was taken aback. Shocked to say the least. “W-what? You want ME to do your hair?!” Obviously it's not because he doesn't want to; Oh believe me, he'd LOVE to do your hair. He just doesn't think he'll do a good job, or live it up to your expectations. Of course you don't mind, nor care how “perfect” it is. And neither do you care what anyone else will think about it. Though you saying this has him blushing out of pure embarrassment. I mean, you DID just read right through him as if he TOLD you, he was afraid it wouldn't be “perfect” enough for you. The hairstyle ended up being a bit loose and sloppy, but that didn't matter at all to you; “Oh my god,, Luke this is amazing! I love it!! I have to show everyone else! ” The hairstyle was a cute, loose, side ponytail, that hanged over your shoulder a bit. You had a lot of loose strands of hair and it kind of resembled a messy bun of some sort. It had a cute f/c ribbon tied on the ponytail though, and that's what made it sparkle the most, besides the loving effort that little boy put into giving you such a cute style! “From now on, I'm gonna have to start comin' to you whenever I need a new hairstyle. This is great!” - You said, trying to give him confidence. Little did you know, this was raising his ego piece, by piece.

Barbatos

Now honestly I can't think of a single thing this demon is NOT good at. He loves doing what he does, because he's the best at what he does. That insists of, cleaning, and cooking, while still being responsible of his butler duties. He's never neglectful of any of them either. He takes care of everything as if it's easier than opening a jar of pickles... Well it is for him. He takes care of angry/drunk shitheads without a care in the Devildom, and he also threatens people with nothing but a glare and a smile on his face, and it somehow sends people running away, spineless in the end-... Not physically, but mentally. Anyways, that's for another story. Barbatos wasn't as shocked when you had came to him for him to do your hair. It's not a systematic routine, he's just use to you coming to him and asking for your hair to be done. Which he absolutely adores. He thinks it's cute how you trust him to do your hair. Although he's always busy, he doesn't always have the time to do such things. But whenever he's on break or when he does find himself mindlessly walking around without anything else to do, then you'll get that welcoming text, saying: “Hello, Mc. I'm free as of now. If you still wanted me to style your hair, then feel free to head on over to the castle.” Now, it doesn't usually take him long to do your hair, since he does it from time to time. But there is some type of special event coming up, and you had informed him that you wanted an elegant style. So it took him quite some time, but in the end you looked like a complete goddess. Like a queen ready to be crowned next to her king. The style was a bit loose but only so that it'd be comfortable. There was a bun that set at the back of your head, with a loose piece of hair swooped gently behind your ear, that hair piece covered your eye, just a little. You could still see, and others could still see your eye. It had a green hair pin at the back that rested atop your bun. This hairstyle is basically the hairstyle of a bride; and so you got this wonderful idea;; “Woah... Barbs, this is breathtaking. I look like a bride ready to get married! Say.. Since you did help me with my hair; why not come to the event with me? We can wear matching outfits too, to match my hairstyle! ” Of course he didn't reject you; I mean, how could he? With a face like that, you might as well manipulate the whole Devildom.

Diavolo

Is a future King. That being said he'll treat you like you're his future Queen; Giving you the hairstyle of a queen. Barbatos' hairstyle was the exact replica of a Queen itself. I mean, you both did have compliments thrown at you for how beautiful you looked, and how everyone assumed you'd be having a ring on your finger in no time... Anyways! The point is, Diavolo gave you the exact same style as i mentioned in Barbatos' part. Except, instead of it being a green hair clip, there was obviously a red one WITH a crown! I mean obviously- You're his Queen, and you aren't his Queen without a crown. When he finishes your hair, you're a shocked blushing mess. You didn't expect this to be the style, when you had asked the future King himself to style your hair. But let's be honest, could you have expected any less? “N-no no! It's not that i don't like it... I love it! i do.. But don't you think it's a bit too much? I mean, I'm not even worthy enough to-”

“Nonsense!” He chuckles. “Of course you are worthy enough to have such a style! Besides if we're going to be walking around at the ball dance together, i atleast want everyone to know who you belong to.”

[prose-for-hire]

Tomb-mates

Pairing: Buffy Summers x fem!vamp!reader

Request: If you're accepting requests at the moment could you please write a story with a female vampire reader that goes to college and ends up being Buffy's roommate (Buffy doesn't know the readers a vampire and the reader doesn't know Buffys a slayer), at first Buffy and the reader are feuding over petty roommate drama but then their suspicion of each other grows and the drama becomes more intense, ending in romance please?

Requested by: Anon

Warning: Swearing. Fighting/ violence. A little heated kissing.

You were new. New to vampirism. New to dating women. You felt like a fish out of water. You were adapting, but slowly. You always known you liked women, but you had never gotten enough of a chance to explore that side of yourself when you were living.

You may be thinking this a story of repression, perhaps you were growing up in a time where you had to marry a man rather than initiate any relationships with women...

But you had been sired last week. 

The week before you moved to college. Luckily you were taking night classes. So, you weren’t ashamed. Or completely pious or virginal. You just hadn’t dated much, expecting everything to change once you got to college.

Now here you were. Trying to adjust to the bloodlust and the tenuous grip you had on your soul (as well as your attraction to your new roommate). You had never really met many other vampires and so you weren’t aware that you were a lot different than most. Human blood tasted horrible to you. Like rotten fruit. And it made you feel kind of sad inside.

So you ate animal. It was sweeter, not by much. But it was better than nothing. Your sire had dropped you, leaving you to it. She, the vampire you weren’t even sure the name of, went to LA because some store had a rare unicorn figurine she was dying to get her hands on. Or she ‘would totally die… again to get my hands on’ as she had so eloquently put it.

Ever since you moved in with Buffy, things were a little rocky. She could be fun to have a conversation with, she could make you laugh at times and she was honestly the most beautiful woman you had ever met. But there was something missing. Something you couldn’t figure out.

Without realising until it was too late, a gradual tension had permeated the air around you. In every conversation. Every glance when the other wasn’t looking. Every heated comment to or about the other.

The tension became more obvious a few weeks after you moved in together. You were brushing your teeth when she ran in. Teeth meaning fangs. You had changed into your vampire form knowing from experience that it wasn’t good to neglect the teeth that grew when you changed.

You panicked, your face and the reflection would tell her something you really didn’t want her to know. Your face changed back and you shouted at her to get out. You stood closer to her, blocking her vision from your lack of reflection.

She explained that she had wanted to know if you would like to hang with her and her friends. At noon. Also known as sizzle o’clock when you were a vampire.

You stared at each other. You could cut the tension with a knife. Eventually she just backed out and you closed the door behind her, breathing heavily despite the fact you didn’t need to.

You made it up to her after this, you did meet her friends at the Bronze after class one evening. Her pizza delivery guy friend kept eyeing you. You didn’t know if this was because you were under suspicion or otherwise. You didn’t go out with them all again. But you did spend a bunch of time with Buffy.

It was strange, your relationship with Buffy. You were flung together, reliant on each other in some sense. And completely infuriated by the other almost every other hour. But in that alternate hour… God, you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy just being in the same room as her.

You arrived back after your night class and dropped your bags to the floor. You didn’t notice that she had stopped still, her eyes wide until you took a second glance at her.

You then realised what she was holding, and then concealing behind her back. A heavy set mace, complete with angry looking spikes.

“What’s that? A mace? Y’know I think they meant the spray kind in the campus talk” You laughed, shaking your head.

“I-It’s for an elective!” She rushed, a panicked look before she pointed as if she had found a better excuse, “They were just handing them out!”

“…You got a free mace?” You questioned, as if it being free was the least believable part of it.

“Well, you know what they say…” You shook your head as she came up with it on the fly, “Maces prevent assault-cases”

“Sounds like it would increase assault cases, but I mean what do I know” You muttered, eyeing her a little confused. She fidgeted under your gaze. You made her a little confused, she loved women. She knew this. But if she had been honest she had never really expected to find someone like you. That she could picture pressing up against a wall and kissing so urgently it made her dizzy with want.

She would never act on it, she told herself. She was scared that you would be uncomfortable. Didn’t want to bring you into the danger that was her life.

Besides, at times you would fight. Pretty heatedly at that. She wasn’t sure if it was tension, her lying or you being hard to live with at times. Perhaps a mix of all of them.

You squinted at her for a moment but then nodded slowly, just letting this one slide. It never crossed your mind that she could be a vampire slayer. You didn’t know they existed. Which, is understandable considering you were fresh-faced and just out of the grave.

It annoyed her how perceptive you were. How interested in her life, in the hours that she kept. It bugged her that you were inquisitive. But mostly, it bugged her that she couldn’t be honest with you. That she found you so insanely attractive and she felt as if there was nothing she could do about it.

You both frustrated her and excited her. She had had more than one dream about you by this time. Luckily for her, it had been early morning and you hadn’t heard her whispering your name. Either way, at the moment all of her attention was on you. She was evening starting to annoy Willow with the amount she would talk about you.

Both of you were becoming suspicious of the other. You could sense something, neither of you entirely able to put your finger on it. Instinct told you that there was something off. Some danger or confusion that made your senses flare around each other.

One afternoon it had become too much for you. You had stepped into her side of the room and started rooting through drawers and cupboards. Just as your hand touched a heavy duffel bag (that contained weapons and thick books on vampire mythology) she stepped into the room.

She caught you. Snooping. Crap.

She pulled you back and asked what you were doing. You explained you were going to a party and thought she wouldn’t mind sharing clothes. She didn’t like this excuse.

She became mad. And weirdly defensive which made your instincts tell you that you had been right to snoop. And you told her this. Which infuriated her more.

“That’s it! My side. Your side” Buffy gestured to a line in the floor that split the two halves.

“Fine” You muttered, tension in the air rising and whipping around you.

“Fine!” She replied. You stared at each other, holding the gaze. The room started to heat up and you weren’t sure if you were imagining it or not.

Neither of you knew whether you wanted to shout or kiss each other. The attraction and frustration was growing more and more.

“You’re impossible!” You muttered grabbing your coat, leaving and slamming the door closed.

Yes, you had been caught out. Yes, you were in the wrong. But I mean you lived with her without her ever revealing anything about herself. What were you supposed to do?

Buffy, despite being angry would feel incredibly guilty if you got hurt because you left in the middle of the night. She didn’t realise but you would usually leave the house for blood and the like in the early morning just before sunrise (so you wouldn’t be disturbing her).

She had actually started to grow weirdly fond of you. She thought you were pretty, so pretty. It was hard getting used to living with you but she found herself almost enjoying the petty arguments. Some days she envisioned holding your hand, maybe asking you to go with her to the Bronze. But, not now you had been snooping.

She had followed you through the night, you went to the library to swap some books. The 24 hour superstore on the corner. You even met up with a friend. Buffy came along with you for all of this, without you realising.

You made one final stop before going back. The local demon bar. They did takeout and some days you really didn’t want to go breaking into a butchers in the middle of the night.

It was a good job too, considering there was a slayer on your tail.

She squinted, frowning slightly. What would you be doing in there? Did you know what kind of clientele actually went in there? She wasn’t sure what to do without having to explain to you the whole demon and slayer jazz. She stayed and waited and you left without an issue.

The only problem was, she couldn’t bring it up without you realising that she had followed you almost all night after your argument.

It was a week or two later and there had been more suspicion. And definitely more arguments. Some petty, some just filled with a tension you couldn’t name. She had arrived late into the night, just as you were curling up with a book. You had finished your classes and began to rest before you would go out after she slept. She sighed twice as she got ready for bed but you just focused on your book.

Buffy left to the bathroom and then came back, sighing again loudly. When you ignored this, she spoke up.

“Turn the light off, Y/n!”

“I’m trying to read here – you’re the one that only just came back!” You warned her, the tone in your voice expecting an argument again. It had annoyed you because it gave you less time to do your errands. She had the entire day to do things she wanted, why did she have to take the night too?

“Well, I can’t stay here in the day you’re always taking those long naps”

“I live here, don’t I? I’m allowed to sleep sometime without your constant interruptions!”

“God! It’s like you don’t even sleep at all at night!” She bit back before turning away from you. She had started to lift back her bedclothes but stopped. She was thinking.

It’s like you don’t even sleep at night… The way you stood in front of the mirror to hide your reflection… The demon bar…. She barely ever saw you eating human food…

Buffy’s eyes bulged at this realisation. Of how you had hidden it for so long. What was your plan? Were you sent to seduce her? She had definitely seen you walking around in a towel more than once and her mouth had dropped every time, her eyes not able to look away.

You had turned off your light and pretended to sleep. You had a habit of doing this, waiting to hear her breathing softly. Imagining her inviting you to slide in beside her. To hold her in those surprisingly strong arms of hers. You often waited until she was properly asleep and then you would get back to whatever activity you wanted. You may even go on a walk and take in the night air if you were in the mood.

But she never got into her bed or allowed you to conjure up your vivid fantasy of holding her while she slept. Lazily staying in bed on a Sunday Evening. Sleepy kisses. Oh God, you had it bad.

No, she didn’t even allow you to imagine so far as her inviting you into bed before she grabbed your shoulder and harshly turned you over to face her.

“What the fuck-!” You shouted, “What happened to my side and your side!?” you gestured from one side to the other your frown setting in almost as deep as when your vampire form changed.

“Up. Now. I can’t believe I didn’t see this!” She rolled her eyes at herself as you got out of bed, only now she realised you had only put on your pyjama top on to pretend you were sleeping.

She tried to punch you several times and you dodged her. You weren’t a fighter but there was something within you now that meant that you were better than a human at least. You didn’t really make any offensive blows, however. You didn’t really want to hurt her.

That was, until she took out a wooden stake. You knew enough to know this would be the end. Like, the real one this time. Your eyes widened and you started to throw desperate punches. She shoved you backwards and you almost had something close to an equally matched fight.

The room was a mess, no counter was safe. The room shook and almost felt as if it would crumble around you. The air was thick, heated. Fuelled by your fight. Your frustration. Your… incredible attraction to her when she became feisty.

“Those things are actually really dangerous – get it off me!” You screamed as the stake came too close to your heart again. You slammed her hand against something leaving her dropping the stake. But she already pulled another from somewhere before you even had time to celebrate this win.

“Introductions. Slayer, meet vampire. Vampire, meet slayer. Me” Buffy stated, a self-satisfied grin that frustrated you as she rushed you.

Both of you now throwing wilder punches. The fight raging on, heatedly. You were trying to get her off you but she was so strong.

“I thought the whole van helsing thing was a myth” you said a hint of humour but you weren’t sure where this was going. You really enjoyed the contact with her but you had kind of hoped she would want to embrace you instead.

“Well, you were myth-taken” She quipped, “A vampire who doesn’t know the slayer? God, you are new”

“Aw, what, you don’t wanna be my tomb-mate?” you teased and she flipped you over your head, leaving you sprawled on the floor. Before you could even think (your brain was left somewhere above you), she was on top of you. The stake had been lost, flung far away by your defensive movement in the fight.

You were so conflicted as she descended on you. You could become so annoyed with her and yet so unbelievably attracted to her at the same time. It was infuriating. And now you weren’t sure what was coming next.

She straddled you, her face agonisingly close to yours. The way her body heaved, her desperate intake of breath. You saw the glint in her eyes, the one where she knew she was right. Knew she had won.

But rather than moving, doing anything to hurt you she stopped. Your wrists pinned where she held them.

The moment slowing down. Time standing to a stop.

You felt her hands slide up, now on resting on your once curled hands. Her fingers locking with yours. The most life, most alive you had felt. Her grasp on you was firm. She was incredibly strong.

But her brow furrowed deeper. She was debating something. Deep within, you could almost hear it her mind was so loud. You started to breath deeply, from habit and anticipation. Your own chest heaving at the proximity. Her eyes dropped to your lips. It was only brief but you willed her to do it again.

Willed her to give all of her attention to you, even if it was to say goodbye. To end your very short unlife.

You would take it, you would take any of it. You licked your lips, eyes scanning her face. Daring to hope.

Your hands, rather than curling into fists were now holding hers just as tight as she gripped you. There was an intimacy to it, no other way to describe it.

Within moments, life rushed back into motion. Her lips instantly on yours. It was passion and urgency and she near knocked the breath back into your body. Her mouth willing yours open, her tongue meeting yours. Desperate for you and willing you to stop her at the same time.

The room around you was on fire. Crackling with the ember of desire that was starting to rise. The room surrounding you was igniting. It could burn down for all either of you cared. You only had eyes for each other. Hands, mouths, everything. For each other.

Her lips sloppily kissing down your jaw, along your neck. You sighed in pleasure, her lips felt so good. She relaxed her grip, only for a moment. As you began wrapped up in the kisses she pressed against your neck you decided to wrestle against her. Managing to roll her onto her back. Allowing you to move on top of her. Your thighs either side of her heavenly body.

The kiss waged on, hands tangling in hair. Grasping at skin. The touch sizzling, warming each other inside and out. You were addicted to her. Her lips. Her hands.

Just as she was to you. It was gradual and sudden. Every sense of hers was wrapped in you.

You knew then. This wasn’t the end. Not of your unlife, not even of your relationship with Buffy. It was just the beginning.

The beginning of the intense and intricate dance you would choreograph together. Weaving between such animal attraction and adoration that blurred into one.

You adored her even when you shouldn’t. She couldn’t get her mind off you, even though she tried.

[darealsaltysam]

what your paladins main says about you

a comprehensive essay by a paladins player of right around 4 years

this is like really long so i’ll make it under the cut so my followers don’t have to scroll through this if they don’t wanna

(for context i’m a current maeve main, i used to main skye and sha lin and played tyra a long while ago)

.

Androxus

it’s not a phase, mum

“i don’t care we don’t have healer, i’m really good at him i swear”

you ult every time it loads in and you die before the final shot

your favorite mode is siege because you can fly up and shoot the whole point on ult

you’re usually really stand-offish and don’t communicate much and/or a 13 year old boy with anger issues

.

Ash

you are level-headed but in a scary way

you will hold the point solo even if it costs you your streak

“get on the point” “guys get on the point” “attack the objective”

you’ll ult to save yourself 99% of the time

good leader

.

Atlas

you probably used to main lex or androxus before he came out

“he’s like a flank, but a tank, he’s great!”

you chase after solo kills instead of sticking to the point

healers hate you, flanks and damages fear you

your favorite mode is death match

.

Barik

you’re a former/current tf2 player looking for something fresh

you don’t like working too hard so you spam turrets on the point and hope for the best

“healer stick to me i’m boutta ult”

actually really nice between rounds

but you don’t communicate much mid-game and kind of do your thing

.

Bomb King

you’re a really old player. you have the beta makoa skin and you were there when lex was first released. veteran’s discount.

your favorite maps are the old ones and they barely show up any more

the team always underestimates you

“who plays bomb king in 2021 lol?”

you need a hug

.

Buck

“wait, he’s a flank? i thought he was a tank??”

you’re also a veteran in the game

you’re a dying breed. i like never see you. do you even exist?

you’ve been here since like the first day of the game

buck gets so many skins and you want all of them but the best you have is a random recolor

.

Cassie

sweetest person alive

“we can do it guys! let’s try to all rush the point this time!”

you are the bane of every flank

the opposing team hates you, your own team kind of doesn’t notice you’re there

*casually gets a pentakill*

.

Corvus

you know those weirdly political kids who like ww2 and know the details of every tank to ever exist? yeah that’s you

but like that’s corvus. as a character.

but no one ever plays him.

like i never even see him do you exist???

you are a cryptid.

.

Dredge

yo ho you’re a hoe

no seriously the other team views you and they FEAR you

“yeah i just got a penta kill” “YOU WHAT?” “eyes on the point mate don’t get distracted”

hella good at the game and hella casual about it

you like onslaught on the one sea map the most

.

Drogoz

another veteran, are we?

you’re either useless or can wipe out a whole team in seconds. there is no in-between.

you always have a really cool skin.

dovahkiin, dovahkiin...

“i don’t care about the point i gotta get them trips”

.

Evie

you bought her because you thought she was cute, admit it

*turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right be

your personality type is identical to her. no question about that.

always buys faster reload and better speed

strangely good communication with the team

.

Fernando

gay gay homosexual gay

“he’s kinda hot if you look at him the right way”

fernando is the tank for gay people

you are gay people

i don’t have much more to say

.

Furia

mum energy. not as much as inara mains, but still, mum energy.

will protect every member of the team with your life, even the flanks

you’ve been maining her since she was first added

i bet you didn’t even know she’s canonically seris’ sister

“we’ve literally failed to capture the point the last 3 times we might as well give up and go to another game”

.

Grohk

“yeah i have a gremlincore tumblr blog, how could you tell?”

i honestly have no words

you’re kind of like a catboy but a racoon

do you even heal the team or do you just pretend

you were there when lex got announced and thought he was cringe, now everyone finally agrees with you

.

Grover

he was your first purchased character and he’s stuck around ever since

he’s the only healer you can play well

“i am groot lmao”

you would never say a word to your team

would give your life for the tank but that’s about it

.

Imani

daenerys targaryen on drugs

your favorite anime is my hero academia

your husbando is todoroki

you see where i am going with this

“team protect me i’m gonna ult” *dies 5 seconds into ult*

.

Inara

BIG MUM ENERGY

your team is your family. you will protect them with your life.

can only hold your own with a good healer so you have good teamwork going for you

*cutely places wall in front of your ult*

useless in tdm so you stick to onslaught, siege and koth

.

Io

are you a furry, furry, or a furry?

“victow! dont ult on my tweam pwease! uwu!”

you 100% find her attractive in some way shape or form

you are either a 30 year old redditor who enjoys loli content or a 16 year old teen who is playing a shooter for the first time

she’s kind of cute, i guess

.

Jenos

i can never tell if i’m going to absolutely destroy you or if you’re gonna kick my ass

*cutely holds you up so the whole team can shoot you to death*

kamehameha

you’re a healer??? i guess???

your character has such deep lore and i bet you don’t even know half of it

.

Khan

one day you were playing and your team desperately needed a tank. you picked the first one you saw. suddenly, you’re lian’s foot stool

despite 2 layers of heavy armor, you’d still let this man walk all over you

“this skin is really cool, wish it wasn’t behind a pay wall...”

YEET

you actually know the game’s lore, for some reason

.

Kinessa

i never trust people who are good at a sniper. if you’re bad that’s natural and you’re 99% of the population. if you’re good you are definitely up to something

you’d sell your sister for 5 pennies if you could

you’re missing from the team all game and somehow have the most kills

“we have a kinessa???”

you are an urban legend to your team

.

Koga

someone’s been watching naruto

you are so shit at the game. like i’m sorry. no one’s good at koga i’m so sorry

how do you have so many skins for one character???

you’re always missing from the point

healers hate you. so does the enemy kinessa.

.

Lex

quit the game /nm

“who mains lex in 2021??? lmao???”

wall hacks, aimbot, and it’s all legal for you as an ability. you are a hacker in a world of puny vanillas. you like it easy so you go for the easy min max character. have fun getting hated

you think he’s hot and press on his loading abilities just so he can scold you and you can hear him being mad at you

*bonk* go to horny jail

.

Lian

"she could step on me”

you used to main some sort of healer but switched over when you got sick of everyone being needy

you can hold a point all on your own for a really really long time but the moment your team gets there you start flunking

you wish you had more skins for her

you don’t

.

Maeve

so imagine this. it was like 2018 and you were just chilling playing the game. you kept getting killed by maeve. in every game. she was in every game you went to and she kept killing you over and over and over again. you got frustrated, snapped, and bought her to see if you could do the same to others. you are now the maeve in every game. the cycle repeats.

your whole team doubts you but then you casually get a quad kill and they just sort of look away

you die a total of two times each round and 99% of the time it’s because you go too fast and fall off the map

you repeat everything she says in her accent because you think it’s cute

“welcome to ze meant streets, kitten!” “can you shut the fuck up” “i hate to cut and run, he-he!”

.

Makoa

you have the plushie skin or the beta skin, otherwise you don’t main and only play casually stop lying to yourself

“attack turtle go brrr”

you’re really good if you get paired with a good healer

otherwise you’re useless

you wish you could get better teammates because you could really thrive with an organized group. but on paladins you won’t get that, i’m sorry-

.

Mal’Damba

i always forget this guy is even in the game

you’re definitely under 6 foot IRL

you have an older sibling you always fight with

you’d love to have a snake irl

you’re really chill outside of the game, but when playing you hella rage

.

Moji

you are so precious

but also such a little shit

you annoy me but i also want to give you a hug

“let’s go guys!! to the point!! wheee!!”

please never change but also get out of my sight

.

Octavia

you always main the new character until the new person drops

somehow always have enough credits to buy the new champion whenever they come out

you don’t like having a stable main cuz you get bored

you like hanging out at the training rage

hate siege and love team death match, you like your games quick

.

Pip

you are the worst and best thing to ever happen to this game

you only pick him to heal yourself and hardly ever heal your team

no one notices you there until you ult

then you get focused

honestly you just seem like you wanna do your thing and i can respect that

.

Raum

you probably go to therapy or desperately need it

“BIG MAN BIG. HE IS BIG. BRRRR”

you always love the demons in media

you like being in charge of the team and wreck the point any time you are there, you like fighting on your own but having a healer nearby is nice too

you probably have daddy issues

.

Ruckus

you think ruckus’ and bolt’s dynamic is cool and that’s one of the main reasons you started playing him

he’s the only tank you can play

you used to main either inara or ying at some point but chose violence instead

really short irl. you physically relate to ruckus and spiritually to bolt.

“funny goblin man :)”

.

Seris

certified girlboss

you can hold an objective all on your own or heal your whole team no problem. either way you are SLAYING

“alright. who’s ass am i kicking today?”

mum energy is inferior to inara but still kind of there

i’m like 50% sure you have a foot fetish

.

Sha Lin

*pointing and chanting* incel, incel, ince-

whether that’s about you or the character you can decide

you like minecraft bedwars on the side

“if i don’t get this headshot i am literally going to spontaneously combust”

really useful when there’s no other long distance people - otherwise a nuisance

.

Skye

AWOOGA *jaw drops to ground, eyes roll out of head* BOOBA BOOBA BOOBA

you bought her for the tiddies, didn’t you?

she’s actually really satisfying to play once you get the hang of her, but can be real tough on rough days

you need a break i think - maybe play some other game for a bit?

*casually gets team kill with ult*

.

Strix

you own at least one pretty knife

you played him when he was unlocked on rotation, fell in love, and spent a whole evening collecting credits to buy him fully

“haha bird man”

i’ve said what i said about snipers. if you’re actually good at him you are hiding a body somewhere. i fear you.

why does everyone ship him with viktor????

.

Talus

little furry child

he reminds me of tommyinnit because he is small and annoying

if you play him you are tall and intimidating 

i’m friends with a tall scary talus main

i can’t say bad things please spare me

.

Terminus

you always ult at the worst time and just get killed again 5 seconds after

“hey losers watch this” *goes on the point, dies, revives, kills one person and dies again*

you’re only a good tank if you cooperate

you don’t

on your own you’re a pretty good player

.

Tiberius

*sigh*

you think the cat is hot, don’t you?

“his accent is kinda cute tho hehe”

you saw that one ending scene in zootopia with the dancing tigers and it CHANGED you

you are probably a furry. if not your awakening is coming. be ready.

.

Torvald

you’ve been playing this game for too long

you’ve seen skins rise and fall. you’ve seen nerfs and buffs. you’ve seen reworks and remakes. you are ancient. older than the dragons and wiser than makoa. respect.

people see you on the opposing team and get really annoyed

“the point is really crowded, we can’t move in” “don’t worry guys, my ult is charged up”

you’re really good at all the characters but you like this guy a lot because you think he’s funky fresh

.

Tyra

you’re either new to the game or have been playing for too long

either way you can KICK ASS but you need to keep behind your team to do the most damage

flanks are the bane of you, especially the fast jumpy ones

you really want one of the cooler skins but you can only ever get the basic ones. such is the curse of maining one of the OG characters.

“bite me”

.

Viktor

you are level 100+ guaranteed, and everyone fears you

“oh shit they got a victor. flank focus him”

you probably play COD and CS:GO normally and wanted to go with something familiar and easy. your skill from the other more advanced games DWARFS everyone else

but why are you playing “guy with gun 132″ in a game with magical elves and fairies. like come on bro.

you don’t have any in-game friends because paladins is your guilty pleasure game you would never admit to

.

Vivian

“step on me” syndrome cranked up to 100%

this woman could spit on you and you’d still respect her more than your own mother. good for you

“i’m not a simp. i’m just tier 3 subbed to pokimane ironically”

you sweat the game hardcore. former victor main or he’s your secondary.

you’ve got her on level 50+ at least

.

Vora

like the maeve mains but somehow worse

bought her out of spite or played her while she was on rotation, now here you are grinding credits for her a day after she became unavailable

honestly you’re really good at the game i have nothing else to say

you enjoy the newer characters more than the OGs - you’re either a former vivian or lian main

you miss the play of the game feature in the game because you’d get all of them with this girl

.

Willo

you seem like the moji mains at first but show your true colors soon after

“fuck you” x50

you are a trash talker on max overdrive. you need to sit down, do some breathing exercises and have a drink.

you hate your own team more than the opposing guys

when you see a willow on the opposing team you make it your sole goal to eliminate her as many times as humanely possible

.

Yagorath

i bet you didn’t know she was canonically female until you read this

you don’t like sweating too much so you pick the tank that leaves you heavily relying on your healers and damages

you can hold a point really well so you like siege and onslaught

“are vora and yagorath connected in the lore somehow and do i really care?”

you have a friend who you always party up with to be your healer, otherwise you might switch to another character

.

Ying

“tanks love me, flanks hate me”

you are too powerful. literally. how are you so strong

you’ve mastered the most difficult healer in the game. the others are really easy for you to play but you have trouble with seris

motivate your team a lot but start shading and trash talking if they don’t cooperate

you’ll gladly play someone else for a long while and like taking breaks from her

.

Zhin

this is your first main after switching over from overwatch. we can smell it on you.

you’re really annoyed with his personality and voice lines but the character is too good to play for you to pass him up for that. you respond to his voice lines aloud very aggressively to let him know he’s an ass

“YES ZHIN HEALERS AREN’T USELESS YOU SELFISH PRICK”

you try your best but you’re not a great team player

infinite trips on a good day, die repeatedly without kills on a bad one and you switch over to vora or skye for a bit.

.

this took me hours to write out pls leave reblog and note thanks uwu

[authoressofdarkness]

Fill: Accidental Stimulation

I had way too much fun with this one. Lowkey inspired by the scene in The Demon King where the two characters finally meet. Threats and a little blood but nothing gory or explicit here. Might continue this? Let me know what you think/if you want to see more!

Tag list: @snowstark @buckettbarnes

~

He should not be turned on by this.

Fantasies are all well and good, but God, this is a whole other level, and he’d never expected to actually be turned on in this situation.

But the boy is cute. He can’t help himself — that’s his first thought. He’s maybe a year or two older than him, but not by much. It’s hard to believe he’s a criminal.

Well, he has a knife to his throat, so maybe not that hard to believe.

This was not how this morning was supposed to go.

It wasn’t supposed to be dangerous or related to Ben’s work in any way. They were literally just supposed to be going to breakfast. Ben had asked to make a quick stop to drop something off and check in with a local minister for something or the other related to a case — he hadn’t been listening, really, it was all normal and he just didn’t care that much.

Maybe he should have. Because had he been paying a little more attention, he might have a clue who the attractive older boy with a knife to his throat actually was. Or at least what he’d done that Ben had been hunting him.

But he hadn’t. So now all he knows is that the boy burst into the minister’s office while they were in there and he and Ben had recognized each other and Ben didn’t have his gun because he was off duty trying to go to breakfast with his nephew goddamnit and the boy had grabbed him and now—

Cold, sharp metal presses against his Addam’s apple. He swallows hard, feels the bite of it, the way the movement of his throat causes just a hair too much pressure and a tiny trickle of blood runs down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. He lets out a slow breath.

The boy’s hand trembles against his throat. He can feel the knife moving just slightly, so slight there’s no way the other two could see it.

Ben’s putting his hands up, now, slowly, so he doesn’t spook him. “Look, kid, I’ve got nothing. No weapons, nothing — I wasn’t looking for you, alright? Just let him go and—“

“And what? Run, so you can chase me down? I don’t think so. It’s not your fault, Parker, but you’re wrong, and I’m not going to prison for a crime I didn’t commit.”

Peter should be focusing on the conversation. He knows he should. It would be wise to know what the boy had been accused of, what he’s so afraid of going to jail for, what kind of monster it is exactly that holds him—

But instead all he can focus on is the feel of the knife at his throat, cold against his heated skin; the press of the boy’s chest against his back, warm and firm; the steady thump of his heart thundering even through the layers of their clothes; the calluses on his hands and the roughness of his open palm as it grips Peter’s shoulder; his arm tight and strong across his chest, holding him firmly in place.

And he just can’t help it. His mind wanders, and he wonders, what, exactly, the boy’s hands would feel like— what the knife would feel like caressing other parts of his skin, cool and with just a hint of danger—

What filthy thoughts to have in a church. What filthy thoughts to have in this situation in general. Is he crazy? Maybe. But it’s a lot of fantasies rolled into one for him, sick as it may be, and he just can’t… not be attracted to him, can’t stop himself from being turned on.

And fuck it all, but he is turned on. He’s got an undeniable hard on right now and by God does he hope everyone is too distracted to notice.

And then—

“Keys, both of you,” the boy says, and the words jolt Peter back to reality.

“Anthony, you don’t want to—“

The knife presses harder against his throat. He feels a new trickle of blood and realizes suddenly that the last had dried. They’d been here a few minutes, now. “I said keys.” His voice is sharp now, gaining a new edge that it didn’t have before. Peter feels a chill run through him, going a bit weak at the knees. It probably looks like a fear response to the other two, but really, it isn’t. He knows he should be afraid and that if that means what he thinks it means this situation is about to get very, very real. But all he can think is — oh my God why is that so hot?

“Hand them to boy-toy, here, and we’ll be on our way.” Then, as a barely-there hot exhale of breath next to his ear, “Just put your hands out and take them. Trust me.”

Trust me. Why on earth would he trust him? Even as weirdly fucking turned on as he is, he knows that’s a bad idea. But what choice does he have?

Ben lowers his hands slowly to take his key ring out of his pocket, then takes the office key from the minister, but hesitates. “Anthony, if you do this — if you’re really innocent, you won’t be, anymore. Just drop him and run. We’ll pretend this never happened. This doesn’t have to escalate any further.”

“I wish you were right,” Anthony says quietly. “But I can’t afford to believe you. Now give him the keys.”

Ben lets out a heavy sigh and drops the keys in Peter’s open hand. He grips Peter’s wrist for just a second, giving it a gentle squeeze, as if thinking of pulling—

Anthony jerks him back, starting to drag him towards the door. His hand slips free from Ben’s grasp, and the next thing he knows, the door is shutting between them. “Lock it,” the older boy orders. “Now. Quick. We gotta go.”

Peter fumbles to get the key and get it in the lock. It takes a second — his hands are shaking now, too, though from delayed fear response or adrenaline or something else, he isn’t sure.

He’s barely heard the click when Anthony grabs his wrist, hauling him outside. He doesn’t resist, mind spinning too much to even think about it. He should resist. He should try to run. This kid clearly just wants away from here, and he probably wouldn’t chase him.

But the grip the other boy has on his wrist is firm, and when he tugs against him, feeble as it is, he gets a warning look in response that stops him in his tracks. Scary and hot. Fuck.

Anthony must see the expression that flashes across his face, and he sighs. “Look, I don’t want to have to hurt you so just— cooperate, would you?” He tugs him forward, looking around. “Which car is yours?”

Don’t want to have to. It’s not an I won’t, but it’s not as scary as he’d expected, with the way Ben reacted. He’s clearly not afraid to do something illegal, per se, but he’s not inclined to violence, either.

Well, that’s good to know, since he’s apparently getting in the car with him.

“That one.”

“Good. C’mon.” He drags him over to it.

Ben’s car is old, small and blue but perfect for their little family and the few outings they make. He’s not in the shop car today — again, because he was off-duty and thus the car was parked in the garage where it belongs. But, if he knows Ben…

Anthony seems to be having the same thought. He pushes Peter into the passenger seat and leans over him, opening up the center compartment. He pulls out Ben’s second handgun — his personal one, which of course he has a conceal and carry permit for — and a pair of spare handcuffs.

“Cops are always prepared, aren’t they?” he muses. He still has a firm grip on Peter’s wrist, and he jerks it up, locking it in one side of the handcuffs and bringing the other side through the grip on the doorframe before locking his other wrist into it. “Well, I guess not always.”

“Is this really necessary?” Peter asks, frowning as Anthony closes the door and goes around the other side, getting in and adjusting his uncle’s seat.

“Sorry, kid. Can’t have you doing anything stupid while I’m driving.”

“I’m as much a kid as you are.” He scowls, leaning back in the seat and trying to get as comfortable as he can with his hands cuffed to a car door and a persistently aching erection that just won’t go away. “Why did you even drag me along? You could have left me outside and taken the car.”

“So you could run back in and call the cops? Tell them exactly what car I’m driving and which way I went? I don’t think so. I need some serious distance between them and me. I don’t know how long it’ll take for someone to find them, but leaving you there would have significantly sped up the process. We need to be in a new car and preferably a new state by then.”

Peter sighs. The logic is solid, he supposes. Even if he doesn’t know how he feels about where that leaves him. “Okay. So what are you going to do with me, then?”

Anthony pauses. He checks his rear view mirror and changes lanes before answering. “I don’t— I don’t know, okay? Probably leave you with the car when I find a new one. Can you just— stop asking questions for a few minutes and try to relax? Sleep or something. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m obviously otherwise occupied right now.”

Sleep or something. Yeah right. So he can have wet dreams about the pretty boy that kidnapped him? No thanks.

But there’s not much else to do right now. Anthony eventually turns on the radio. He finds some hard rock station and turns it up to dispel the silence. But it doesn’t change the situation.

Anthony drives. Peter rides in the passenger seat. They’re both quiet, allowing the sounds of AC/DC and Metallica and whatever else comes on the radio to fill the silence.

It’s going to be a long fucking day.

[tossawary]

Nihilism Sunglasses AU

Okay, but what if somehow Shang Qinghua ends up sleeping with a majority of the Peak Lords. Like, he’s absolutely done with appearances and caring about what people (not including MBJ) think about him. He still does his work very competently but he just gives zero fucks. He probably won’t drink in front of the lil disciples but the older ones know how much of the mess he really is.

And somehow that same event with SQQ keeps on happening with the other peak lords. Like he made his characters rather attractive might as well take a shot.

This might help SQQ feel better about his place in the Sect. LQG has no right to judge, he slept with SQH too. No one was immune to the trash gremlin.

Bonus points if MBJ some how ends up narrowly avoiding running into the other peak lords when he visits SQH’s room.

I’m not personally a fan of “Main Character sleeps with everyone” AUs, just because they somehow manage to strain my ability to suspend disbelief a little too far, even when they’re explicitly and shamelessly stated to be Crack Humor AUs. I think they can be funny, but generally it’s just not my thing. Nevertheless, Shang Qinghua having some kind of Harem Protagonist Halo by accident is a very funny concept for a Crack Humor AU. 

I think that if Shang Qinghua was having, like, repeated hookups on that scale, he would find a location other than the Leisure House where a demon lord might drop in at any moment. And if Shang Qinghua was having a breakdown on this level, I can’t imagine him bothering to keep up with his work either, much less competently. Yes, I can imagine him being a weirdly hot mess, but like... emphasis on the mess. The mess is crucial here. 

Then thing about any connection between Shang Qinghua and Shen Jiu for me, personally, is that these characters are genuinely disliked by their peers for good reasons and for bad ones. They both feel isolated and ostracized. They both feel like imposters. They both feel like liabilities. They have a shared pre-existing resentment of the other Peak Lords. I know I presented it as a Crack Humor AU and the scenario is funny in its ridiculousness, but I think the concept has potential for more serious Character Study. 

Opening this up to all the other Peak Lords distracts from that common ground and the fact that these two characters can be unlikable assholes who hate everyone else. It’s not about “oh, wow, SQH is secretly hot?” (although that is a funny concept for a fic, it’s a different concept than the one that I was going for there); it’s about “we’re regarding this as funny to disguise the fact that it’s actually kind of sad and uncomfortable”. 

[thatgamefromthatad]

Seen these ads? (Obey Me! Review)

This is a visual novel/otome/gacha card RPG game with the same characters and themes as featured in the ads.

As stated in many of the ads this game centers around seven demon brother love interests (as well as some other potential love interests) although the game has a lot of plot elements other than just romance. Most of the ads that I’ve seen feature real art that appears in the game one way or another, and the ads tend to be focused more on the characters and theme in general rather than specific gameplay. Of the ads that do appear to show gameplay, most of the time it’s not really what you’ll see in the game but still follows fairly close to the actual game (for example, the “kiss, free, whip” ad on the top left doesn’t show real gameplay, but you can kiss or whip that character. But that specific art comes from a gacha card I believe and isn’t what you see when you do the kissing and whipping).

A few notes before I get into the full review:

I’m a lesbian, so I’m definitely not the target audience for this game, but I always try to be objective and open-minded when playing any game I’m not the target audience for (other examples I’ve reviewed in the past are Moments, which was also primarily targeted toward women who are attracted to men, Immortal Taoists, which involved a genre I had never heard of before and really had no interest in, Time Princess, which also wasn’t my favorite genre but was still a great game, and various Genius Inc. visual novels, which are targeted more toward high-school age boys as far as I can tell).

Speaking of lesbians, this game weirdly censors the word “lesbians” but not any other LGBTQ+ terms (that don’t include the word “sexual”) as far as I can tell; I decided it was enough of a one-off thing that it wouldn’t factor a huge amount in my overall review of the game, but I think it’s still something to take note of and not let off the hook since it definitely shows bias and can be offensive to players.

This game is rated 12+ on the Apple App Store, and I was pretty harsh on Crush Crush for being rated that way because I thought it crossed the line with some of its sexually suggestive content. I kept that in mind while playing this one, and personally I don’t think it crossed the line in the same way, at least not from what I’ve played so far; although it does have sexually suggestive content (most often when interacting with the character Asmodeus, who is literally known in the game as the “Avatar of Lust”), it’s much more occasional through tidbits of dialog as opposed to in Crush Crush where it involved a whole section of the game and was more interactive in nature. I would definitely still cringe at the thought of a 12-year-old reading some of this dialog, but I think it fits fairly within the App Store descriptors of “Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content and Nudity” and “Infrequent/Mild Mature/Suggestive Themes.”

Last note - there is a character in this game (Luke) who has the appearance and demeanor of a small child who you can interact with in a similar way to the other love interest characters, which concerned me for obvious reasons. I looked more into this, specifically reading into all of the different dialog options involving this character, and his responses never seem to be more than platonic, which is good. He still blushes when you give him gifts and stuff, which is kind of awkward, and it seems weird to throw a kid character into an otome game, but all considered I wouldn’t say the game is promoting anything inappropriate (unlike one of the Genius VNs that clearly involved relationships between an adult and minors).

Sorry I know that’s a lot of notes and disclaimers but I just wanted to that all out of the way as general concerns anyone might have trying this game or reading this review!

Without further ado, read my full review below:

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(I’m trying a new color-coding system to help highlight some of the main points of my review if you don’t want to read my entire essay word-for-word lol. Pink is a positive aspect of the game, red is a negative aspect/criticism and purple is not necessarily positive or negative but just something I wanted to highlight.)

😈 Is the game actually fun? Yes! Just in terms of production value, this game is top notch: the art and character designs are very appealing, the transitions between characters’ poses and facial expressions during VN scenes are actually animated (which looks much smoother and more natural than switching between still images), the voice acting is great (although the VN scenes aren’t fully voice acted, some parts like phone calls are and the characters say different phrases during scenes and battles as well)(Note: all the voice acting is Japanese), and the music is FANTASTIC and perfectly sets the vibe throughout the game.

The best parts of this game in my opinion are the different personalities of the characters and the overall plot; although some of the characters’ personalities can be a bit one-note at times (for example, one character’s entire personality that I’ve seen so far is that he likes to eat and is always hungry), the characters each have their own charm and play off each other well. I found myself getting invested in each of the characters’ desires and goals throughout the story, even the characters I didn’t particularly like. The story is also chock full of humor which is always fun, and the whole world and backstory built around this game (the “Devildom” setting and the idea of an exchange student program with angels, humans and demons) are also unique and impressive.

I really enjoyed the multiple modes of storytelling i.e. how the VN chapters are supplemented with text messages and phone calls from characters and an Instagram spoof with additional side stories to unlock. I know this isn’t a new thing in mobile games (even Gardenscapes and Homescapes do it to an extent lol) but add the compelling characters and overall production value on top and it’s a really enjoyable experience. Since the home screen of the game is set up like it’s your phone, with the different parts of the game represented as “apps,” the game kind of creates a feeling like you’re really living in this world with these characters where you can freely scroll through their Instagram feeds and check the messages you get from them on your own time. The shop where you can buy items and premium currency is called Akuzon (an Amazon spoof) and the place where all your gacha cards are is called “contacts,” which further adds to the immersive effect.

The “dating” part of the game is pretty cute although I haven’t gotten super far so I’m not sure of the full scope of the romantic interactions. From what I can tell, in addition to the dialog, blushy faces and bedroom eyes you get from characters when you give them gifts and touch different parts of their body (above the belt lol), when you raise your intimacy level with them you get additional phone calls and messages from them (I haven’t played a lot of otome games but I think that’s how a lot of them go). I wasn’t that invested in this part of the game but I think there’s some strategy that goes with using the right combination of gifts and touches to maximize intimacy boosts and get certain dialog, which adds a whole other aspect of gameplay in addition to the main game. I also noticed that occasionally your choices throughout the VN chapters will give you a small intimacy boost with a certain character; I kind of wish this was even more integrated since most of the time I felt like no matter what I chose it didn’t make any difference in my relationship with characters. Also, I don’t think there’s a way to “officially” date a specific character, it’s more about raising the intimacy level to earn more interactions but it doesn’t actually affect the main plot.

As far as the main mode of progressing through the game, which is winning “dance battles” with teams from your gacha collection, this part of the game has its own positive qualities such as the cute chibi forms of the characters that appear on screen and the fact that some of the special attacks show a little anime clip of the character (of course it’s less exciting when you see the same clip every battle but I still thought it was a nice touch). I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t a rhythm aspect as the “dance battle” name would imply, and your main interaction during the battle itself is basically just tapping hearts that pop up and tapping the characters when their attacks are ready, but you also have the option to skip that whole interactive sequence and just get a result based on your team’s stats, so there’s not much to complain about there (especially since the battles are sort of a side note compared to the storytelling aspect of the game despite being the main element of RPG-based gameplay that allows you to progress). If you are interested in the RPG aspects, there’s plenty of that to work with (building teams, balancing attributes, managing resources/rewards to level up cards and progress through skill trees of sorts, all that good stuff) although you’re limited to an extent by how difficult it is to get a lot of gacha draws without paying real money. It’s even harder to be able to focus on both strategy and character relationships while playing for free when the same scarce currency is used for both gacha draws and gifts.

👿 Is this a free game or a “free game”? Despite what I just said, I would still consider it a free game - you can gradually save up some of premium currency the game gives out through tasks in order to pay for more gacha draws and other items, and as far as I can tell you can access the main story and the other parts of the game without hitting a paywall. I only got to the fourth chapter so far though so don’t take this assessment as gospel. Like with a lot of other freemium games you might feel pressured to pay (especially when you run out of gifts to give your lover boys, which was the biggest downer for me, or if you’re obsessed with wanting to collect a lot of cards or get a specific card) but since you don’t actually need to pay to progress I still consider it free.

There’s also an energy system where you hit a wall and have to wait if you run out, but I never ran out because of the huge amount of energy the game dumps on you when you first start, and it seems like there are a bunch of other ways to get extra energy as well. There also aren’t pop-up or watch-to-earn ads in this game that I saw.

💀 Features

Main visual novel scenes and storyline (the visual novel scenes come between dance battle stages and there are a few short side routes that branch off but still one main route as far as I can tell, I don’t think your dialog choices really make a different except for in how the characters react to you immediately afterward. Still the main storyline in itself is fun to follow and it’s fun to get different reactions out of the characters based on what you say)

Dance battles (I’m not fully knowledgeable about the minutia of the RPG system at play here but in general the outcome of the battle will depend on the level, rank and attributes of your cards compared against the difficulty and attributes of the stage you’re playing. There also “memory cards” that can be assigned to support your team and expendable temporary boosters called “glow sticks” that boost your stats for one battle. During the battle itself you tap hearts that appear to earn extra points and you can tap your characters when their power is charged up to “attack” your opponent and use special skills. There are guides online that go deeper into stats and strategies and such if you’re interested. Different stages have different rewards for completion and you can quick complete levels you’ve already beaten to mine resources you need)

Gacha mechanic and cards (the gacha area of this game is called “Nightmare” and there are a few different pools along with event pools each with their own odds and sets of cards you can get. For the default pools you get free draws periodically and I believe you get one free draw for each event pool IIRC. You also get a bunch of vouchers for draws when you first start the game which got me handful of SSRs and a couple URs to build a couple of solid teams right off the bat. In addition to drawing directly from gacha pools you can get some cards by collecting card pieces as rewards from stages and events until you have enough to get the actual card. Each card has its own set of stats/attributes, can be leveled up and has a skill tree of sorts that can be progressed through with resources mined through beating stages, although it’s more of an attribute tree than a skill tree since most of the branches just add points onto one of your card’s attributes. Some cards, the rarer ones, have special skills that can be used in battle)

One-on-one characters interactions and intimacy i.e. the “dating” part (there are two ways this occurs: 1) you can set a specific character to your home screen that allows you to enter into an interaction with them, with a refresh period in between interactions 2) the main way, which is through “surprise guests” after dance battles. These surprise guests show up frequently but not always, and they’re always one of the three team members you used in battle, selected randomly. For each one-on-one interaction you can do three actions - either give a gift, touch the character or ignore the character. Sometimes the character will also offer you a high five which counts as an action if you oblige. Different characters have different favorite gifts and touching different parts of the body can get a different reaction depending on the character and your level of intimacy I believe. Your intimacy level with a character increases depending on the combination of actions you perform, and sometimes the character also gives you gifts back like more energy or resources. There are guides for this online as well)

Text messages and phone calls (text messages are the main mode of storytelling outside of the main VN scenes - you get messages from characters or multiple characters in group chats that you respond to with preset messages or stickers similar to how you make choices during the VN parts. Some of the text messages correspond with the main plot as you progress, ex. A character texts you to be in a certain place at a certain time and next VN scene is of you two meeting at that place. I think other text messages also come up when you reach certain intimacy levels with characters. There are certain group messages that you don’t respond to where you’re basically spying on a group chat among characters and just get to see what everyone’s saying. In addition to written messages and emoji stickers characters will also sometimes send pictures. Phone calls are fully voice-acted dialog you have with another character and they seem to pop up when you reach certain intimacy levels - I’ve only gotten ones so far with the two characters I have the highest intimacy with)

Instagram spoof/“Devilgram” (Devilgram is an in-game photo sharing social media app similar to Instagram and the photos on there correspond to gacha cards. When you acquire the gacha card that corresponds to a Devilgram post you unlock a side story, but you also need keys to unlock further scenes from that story, which can be gradually earned through completing tasks and such)

To Do tasks (completing tasks on your To Do is the main way to earn premium currency in the game along with other rewards and resources. There are daily tasks, overall tasks and tasks specific to each character. Examples of tasks are completing a certain stage or number of stages, beating a stage using a team that includes a certain character or reaching a certain intimacy level with a character. There are also beginner missions when you start the game that I think stay available until you complete all of them)

Events (there are sometimes side story events called “pop quizzes” and gacha events that are available for a limited time, or sometimes an event has both a corresponding pop quiz and gacha pool. The pop quizzes are separate chapters with their own dance battles and VN scenes, and the battles will come with reward points that you can spend on different prizes. Sometimes there are unique cards you can only get from an event. Other minor types of events include log-in bonus events and events where you can get special types of gifts for your love interests. There’s also a feature where you can “time-travel” back to old events at some cost but I haven’t explored this much)

Jobs (you can assign characters to passively complete jobs that earn you a small amount of non-premium currency over time and also increases your intimacy with the assigned characters by a small amount)

Customization (you can unlock avatars of different characters to use for your profile and set the name you want characters to refer to you by throughout the game. You can also change the outfit of your homescreen character, change the homescreen wallpaper and change the homescreen background music by making purchases in the Akuzon shop or acquiring certain gacha cards)

⚖️ Ad Honesty Rating: 4/5 (just from the ads I’ve seen, especially the ones that appear to be running currently, there don’t seem to be blatantly fake ads and the ads show real art and do well conveying the theme and characters in the game. However some of the ads are misleading about the actual mechanics of gameplay and may also lead you to believe there are actual romance routes with the characters which is not really the case)

⭐️ Overall Rating: 5/5 (I definitely didn’t want to give this game a great rating just because it’s super popular on Tumblr but I can definitely see why it’s so popular. There are lots of things to do, the characters are very lovable, it’s funny, the art is great, the music is great and the lore and overall vibe are compelling and unique. It’s a high-quality game with a good story and I’ll probably keep playing it)

▶️ Ad Example:

▶️ Gameplay Examples:

Dance Battles

Surprise Guest

If you got through this review bless your heart ❤️ Special thanks to @human-watching-ads-from-devildom which is where I was able to view some of the ads since I was having trouble finding them elsewhere online and viewing some of them on the Facebook ad library.

Follow me for more reviews of those free mobile games you’re always getting ads for! Thanks for reading! 🥳

[biltchibo]

Katsuki HC - Ants and Spiders

Okay, hear me out.

So Kacchan sweats nitroglycerin, and that smells like burnt sugar - so basically caramels and tastes sweet, right?

I’ve seen people thinking about butterflies following him around, and bees being attracted by his smell but GUYS, here are some things to also consider:

He smells and tastes like sugar, basically, he would be fucking ant-man by the end of the practices, imagine how many ants he’d attract when he’s sweating!

He wears creams to mask his smell and he avoids sitting on the ground for more than a few minutes when he doesn’t.

He doesn’t like perfumes because they wear off very easily.

He learned those things from his mother because she smells like glycerin which I bet is worse.

He starts to hate the poor ants since very young because of the way he found out.

He and Deku were playing with earth and sand at the park, and he buried his hands on the middle of Izuku’s castle - cuz he was a little devil and you know it - and then suddenly ant bites everywhere and they hurt like a motherfucker.

Izuku ends up all bitten too because he tried to help and take them out.

He canonly likes to go hiking so I bet he puts creams or perfumes on his backpack and humid tissues so he can wipe out his sweat.

When he heard of the training camp he wasn’t too keen on it in the beginning, cuz you know why.

One time they finished a particularly hard training session, and he was so hot and tired he sat for a few minutes. Sometime later the 1-A is looking weirdly at the ant trail heading towards him.

Nobody sees the deal until Izuku finishes loading and literally screams “KACCHAN! THE ANTS!!”

He spends the next half an hour hunting them back and trying to explode one by one.

Also as kid, he started to try and take care of natural predators of ants out of spite.

He had a house lizard, at first. It lived all it’s 5 years because his mother only let him start with a short-lived animal so he could prove he could take care of living things.

And then they gave him permission to choose an animal.

As you can imagine, he would choose the worst kind of animal - in Mitsuki’s opinion.

When he came saying I want a tarantula, she almost passed out.

Eventually, and with some help of his father, they let him choose one. He actually did a pretty serious research with their help. “It’s a life commitment, are you sure about that?”

He chooses a Mexican Red-kneed Spider ( Brachypelma Hamorii). “Cuz shes black and red and she looks ready to kill some ants.”

And of course he’ll choose a girl, what do you mean? They’re bigger and scarier and live longer, what’s the problem with being a girl? They can kick the ass of any male.

He calls her Lady Ruby.

He grows really attached to it over time and you could say he spoils her.

She’s very docile and likes her squishy worm treats. 

It takes some time but also learns how to handle her.

So when he moved to the dorms, after almost 7 years together, of course, he would take her with him.

Except they didn’t allow it.

They didn’t have to know, right? It should be fine as long as no one knew.

Except when it’s been a long Friday by the end of the year and he’s ready to water his pet when he sees it.

The case of her tank is open.

Just a little bit.

Just enough.

He looks for her inside it and when he can’t find her, he panics.

He throws everything around the room (although very carefully so he wouldn’t accidentally hurt her if she was still around.)

Then he hears screams for the floors below and he remembers everyone was watching a movie in the living room.

“SPIDER!” he can tell Jirou is not amused.

He rushes out of the room, grabbing the first pot he sees, almost tripping on the carpet in front of his door and taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

He was just quick enough that they had her cornered. She had an attack instance, his girl, with the two front paws ready to strike.

“TODOROKI SEND THIS BEAST BACK TO THE PIT OF HELL SHE CAME FROM” “ok”

“guys, she’s just scared, let me talk to her” “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND KODA THAT’S NOT AN ANIMAL THAT’S A DEMON, YAOYOROZU HELP ME” (and a punch in Mineta's head)

“Will you all fucking shut up? You’re scaring her”

Everyone is shocked when he shoves everyone aside and then back, away from the spider.

“Just stay calm, it’s okay now.” “HOW CAN WE STAY CALM?” “I wasn’t talking to you dipshit.”

He turns to her with the sweetest voice, but it’s to no help and then turns back to Koda.

“You.” and he can see Koda fearing for his life in his eyes. “Can you talk to her? Calm her down? Just enough so I can take her back to her tank.”

“Please”

And that gets him help.

When she’s finally back in her tank, he goes back down. He needs to explain what happened and - though it angers him - ask for them to keep their mouths shut.

But when he gets there, everyone is sat down, in silence, waiting for him, like a creepy cult.

“So...”

“Do you have any more animals we should worry about?”

[entity9silvergen]

Mosaic (Disenchantment Fanfiction)

Summary: We are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Bean doesn’t think she can love like everyone else but maybe that’s okay.

Fandom: Disenchantment 

Word Count: 2K

Characters: Bean

Relationships: Bean/ Mora, Mentioned Bean & Everyone, Mentioned Odval/ Sorcerio, Mentioned Zog/ Oona, Mentioned Zog/ Dagmar

Warnings: Internalized arophobia, first person pov, some self-deprecation, sex mention, drug mention, mention of interspecies relationships in fantasy setting 

Other Tags: F/F, Mentioned F/F QPR, Reflection/ Self-Reflection/ Internal Thoughts, No Dialogue, Queerplatonic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Homosexual Character, Arospec Character, Queer Themes, Unreliable Narrarator, S3E6, Oneshot, AroWriMo 2021

Author’s Note: My friend sent me the line “I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved” about twenty minutes after I watched “Final Splash.” I’m working on the prompt for Week 2 of AroWriMo rn but I had to drop everything and write a short fic about this. Again, I didn’t really use the prompt but it kind of fits with week 1’s prompt romo/loveless & future. 

I’m headcanonnoning Bean as aro or demiro/ greyro. I think in the show it was implied she never experienced romantic attraction prior to meeting Mora because she likes women and I don’t want to erase that in any way but Bean still gives off a big aromantic bisexual homo(queer)platonic vibe.

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My name is Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland and I’ve never loved anyone.

I mean, I love my dad and my friends and all that but I’ve never loved loved anyone. Is that weird to say? That makes it sound like I don’t really love my dad and Elfo and Luci and everyone. I probably shouldn’t say that then because I actually love them a lot. They’re my everything. 

One time, I was walking down Elf-Ally and this elf was sitting on the side of the road with some chalk. I feel like elves would really like chalk but I’ve never seen any of them use it, not even Arto, except this guy. I’d never seen anything like it before so I asked what he was doing and he said he was making this mosaic to show his love for this other elf he liked. I didn’t really understand it so he explained it to me like this: we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are.

I still didn’t get it so I just laughed at him and he got kind of upset and threw a piece of chalk at me. It didn’t really hurt but Luci was with me and the elf started throwing stuff at him and you know how Luci gets when he hits his nose so we left. I couldn’t really forget what that elf said though. 

You see, a mosaic is a mix of a bunch of little pieces taken from different things that all come together to make one thing. There’s this mosaic at the church and it’s pretty freaking ugly but the mosaic this elf was making was just so beautiful. He used so many colors and he drew all these little pictures and hid these words I didn’t understand in them. I’d expect it to be all crude and gross like those scribbly pictures Derek would draw when he was younger that Oona pretended to love but it all came together so well. It didn’t even look like separate pieces. It was just one.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The influences of countless parts of my life, weaving together into an insanely complex mesh- That felt like me. I always felt like something was broken in me but maybe I’m just a mosaic. 

I think my dad made me who I am the most. Even if he wasn’t really present most of my life. Sure, we don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I think we’re better because of that. He made me strong. His actions guided me into becoming the woman I am today. He taught me how to keep fighting. Literally and figuratively. He taught me to keep my head up and he taught me how to stab people. It’s pretty cool. I remember this one time as a kid he took me out to the courtyard, stole this guy’s knife, and taught me how to use it. I think I still have the knife actually. I don’t stab people with it anymore though.

(I hope he’s okay. He hasn’t been the same in awhile.)

My mom… Well, I don’t really love her anymore but I did for a long time. She was… How do I put it? A constant in my life. Even though she wasn’t there. What I felt towards her, it kept me together for a long time. When I had nothing to fall back on, I always had her memory. Until she tried to take over Dreamland, obviously. Now I just say she gave me my love for alcohol and that’s pretty sweet too. 

(I still miss her. I bet she’s dead.)

You know those pictures where the guy has an angel and demon on his shoulders telling him what to do? That’s Elfo and Luci, and it’s literal for Luci. And maybe for Elfo? He did go to heaven that one time. It can be kind of annoying to hear them bickering all the time, especially since they almost never want the same thing, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Elfo keeps me safe and Luci pushes me to be more than I am. They make life fun. Fuller. Less lonely.

(I’m scared they might leave someday. I wouldn’t blame them.)

I don’t really like Derek but I still love him. Maybe a little less since he tried to burn me at the stake. Maybe a little more since he chickened out at the last second. And a little less because he still went through with it. And maybe a little more since it was an accident. We have a complicated relationship but he’s still my little brother, as weird as he is. He reminds me of what I have to fight for, if that makes sense. I don’t really see him as the future of Dreamland or anything but he’s still a little kid and I can’t really help but have a soft spot for him. Don’t tell him I said that.

(I wonder if he’ll keep me around when he’s king. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised.)

The same goes for Oona. I never liked her but I think I love her. Especially after she tried to save me from my mom. And since she became an epic pirate. She’s awesome. She’s the mom I always wished I had except she was actually there the whole time and I didn’t realize it. I’m happy with how things turned out though. I don’t regret it. Plus she’s got great taste in drugs. I still steal them sometimes.

(I don’t know if she loves me. Maybe she did once but not anymore.)

I kind of hate Odval and Sorcerio in a weird way where I like them at the same time. They’re not really family but always been there. Like they’re kind of like second dads to me. Second dads whose the sex lives I know way too much about. My gay polyamorous uncles? But they kind of care under all that court properness and tradition nonsense so they’ve kind of wormed their way into my heart. They’ve always made my life difficult but I don’t think I would be myself if I wasn’t challenged so much.

(I think they’d rather have me gone. They don’t hide it every well but I can pretend.)

I’m going to be honest, I was really bummed when Pendergast died. We were kind of the same age and he hung around the castle for most of my life. And my dad trusted him so we actually did stuff together sometimes. A lot of adventures that never really went anywhere. He could be kind of a stick in the mud but he never really minded that I’m a girl and let me tag along on crusades and helped me get better with weapons and stuff. And Pendergast was weirdly loyal to Dreamland, even after Dad forked his eye out. Or was it spooned? I don’t remember. Some kind of eating utensil. I wasn’t there when it happened. But it was nice knowing I could trust him. He could be kind of fun though when he was off-duty. Total lightweight though. He threw up on one of those little guys who carries dad’s cape once. 

(I wish I’d known him better. I really miss him but I can’t tell anyone since Dad gets set off by anything that even reminds him of the guy.)

Who else is there? That’s right, Mertz and Turbish. Turbish and Mertz. Two peas in a pod. Plus Mrs. Mertz. Don’t get me wrong, they are idiots. Totally incompentant. It’s a wonder they’re still alive. But they’re sweet. And they try. They’re not good at anything but they try. Sometimes I don’t want to try but they tell me I always can.

(I’m waiting for the day they realize they could have a better life. It’ll be weird not having them around the palace.)

I even kind of like Merkimer. As a pig, not a human. God, he was an awful human but he’s a funny little pig. He lets Luci ride on his back sometimes. Both of them like it way more than either of them will ever admit. It’s cute. I think they’re friends. If they’re not, Elfo and I will start plotting until they are. Or maybe not. A Luci-Merkimer friendship might be too much for Dreamland to handle. They’re kind of a lot, even on their own. Merkimer always kind of had a big head and it only got bigger when he accepted his new life. It’s actually kind of inspiring how happy he is now. 

(I don’t want him to change but he already has. It makes me sad sometimes.)

And Bunty. Oh, Bunty. And Stan! The world doesn’t really deserve Bunty. Stan does though. I think they’re the ones who taught me what real love is. Bunty always showed me love as a kid, she was like the second mom I never had but actually did have because Oona was there. But she gave me something neither Oona or Dagmar could. I didn’t really understand it until I saw her and Stan and their family together. I still don’t. They’re really sweet.

(I’d give them everything. I know they just see me as some spoiled princess though.)

I want what those two have. Or what Odval and Sorcerio have. What my dad had with Dagmar or Oona. What Elfo’s had, and Luci’s had, and Derek’s had, and the knights have had. It feels like everyone’s had that kind of deep love at some point except me. I didn’t even realize until I was talking to Mora. 

I’ve had the chance to have it. Merkimer, that brother of his I accidentally killed, that one time Pendergast made a pass at me, that Steamland guy… I don’t think any of it really would’ve worked out though. I’ve had a lot of things with guys and there’s been kissing and touching and I’ve always enjoyed it but I think I always knew it would never go anywhere. That it will never go anywhere. And I can’t even blame my dad because it’s all me. It’s always been me. And I’m okay with that? Maybe? I don’t think so but I’m not really good at understanding my feelings. It’s just another thing on the pile of things I won’t work through.

I think I understood what I had with Mora though. It wasn’t… romantic but it felt like it almost was. We just… clicked. It felt right. She was tough and funny and she didn’t hold anything back. She followed her dreams and didn’t let the world get her down. That one night we had together, I felt like we were alone in the world.

Mora gave me the ocean and the stars.

She was beautiful. Maybe that’s what was missing? None of the guys I ever screwed around with were beautiful. Not like Mora was. Not like a woman can be. I really felt like this was it but there was still that disconnect. Like something was there but not quite. Like something was missing. I don’t know what it was.

But then she just left. I had that dream and I just felt so happy. I’d never felt happiness like that. And I never felt pain like the pain I felt when I woke up and the necklace was gone. I definitely would’ve cried if Elfo wasn’t there. I might’ve actually cried a little bit. It’s kind of hard to hear anything when Elfo’s sobbing. Some of those tears might have been mine.

Did I love her? I don’t think so. Not like Elfo loved that boat. It wasn’t romantic. But it was real. It gives me hope. I don’t think I’m capable of the same kind of love everyone else seems capable of and that’s not even a slight at me. It’s just reality. But what I had with Mora, however brief and imagined it was, tells me that’s okay. I don’t need the kind of love everyone else has. Not when I have so many others in my life.

Still, I hope I see her again, even for a second, just to feel that kind of happiness again.

I think that’s what that elf meant when he said we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Mora was beautiful and she didn’t see it but maybe she would if she saw how I looked at her. 

Stars and the ocean, I’ll never forget them. They’ll be a part of my mosaic forever.

Other AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN