#but still falls into a mindset of. idk. not quite making excuses for him. but like rationalizing bruce's whole Thing

[to-the-batcomputer]

considering the idea of dick subconsciously thinking "when WE were kids" about him and bruce

[iwriteasfotini]

Where do we draw the villain line?

Something which is so intriguing to me about the Harry Potter fandom is how flexible *most/some/a few* (honestly IDK how many) people are in giving the villains of the story their own story. Personally I LOVE THIS. Because the best villains are the ones who aren't simply macho bad guys (or gals) who are bad because the author said so. The best villains are the ones you are almost rooting for. The ones you begin to think... wait maybe that person isn't so bad. Or the ones who earn some empathy. And then go and be total arse holes anyways. Because a good story needs a villain, it's simply a fact.

If there was ever a time to remember humans are each living our own story, it is now. It doesn't excuse ANYTHING. It is infuriating and sad. But it is reality. Someone's villain is someone else's hero. And vice versa. But let's not get off on a tangent.

Now the curious thing is while certain HP characters are given some grace where their evil deeds are concerned, others are not. Like at all. Have any of you read Crimson Rivers? Of course you have! If you want to shift your mindset on how you view most of the Death Eaters, read that fic. But in it, I do not remember Mulciber or Avery being mentioned in any sort of good light. Walburga... her terrible parenting is quite undisputed. Umbridge! Barty Crouch Senior! I think Vernon Dursley falls into this category. There are still characters who are seen as simply evil for the sake of evil.

So how did Tom, Bella, Barty, Draco (but I mean, Draco is really a terrible villain to begin with) and a few others end up with backstory, humanity, and quite a few people invested in them. I don't have the answer, but it is an interesting phenomena. Because I am quite new to the fandom and it took all of three tumblr posts to get me fully on board with Rosekiller. Bella, I don't like her, but she is a fascinating character to write for. And she has redeemable qualities. Tom is a cold hearted killer who might have turned out completely different if he didn't have the childhood trauma he did. I imagine Tom's orphanage life was about as void of love and affection as it is possible to be. Sure his basic survival needs were taken care of, but he wasn't loved. And that was his life from birth.

Perhaps it is the fact there is just enough humanity given to these characters in canon that in fandom we take that nugget of humanity and turn it into a full fledged backstory. Barty is a great example. He is screaming at his father during his trial and his father flat up ignores him, all while his mother is weeping in the background. His mother sacrifices herself for him, then DIES two days later (clearly she wasn't in good health to begin with... hmmmmm...). Does Barty even have a Dark Mark? WE DON'T KNOW. Does Barty feel like he has a personal connection with Voldemort, yes, their fathers were both pieces of shite. How did Barty learn this about Tom? It means Tom went out of his way to connect with Barty on a PERSONAL level at some point. Why would he bother, he so rarely give away personal information? Also I feel Barty has a relationship with Winky which is reminiscent of Regulus and Kreacher. Basically there is mutual love and respect on some level (while some wizards see house-elves as servants only).

The fact we can ask all these questions about someone who essentially guided Harry to his should have been death and then was kissed by a dementor (which Dumbledore was LIVID about BTW) makes him such great fodder for the fandom to sculpt a intriguing if not rich back story. It's why I was able to get on board with the Barty isn't a pure villain idea so fast. And I think it really enhances the fandom.

On a side note, Peter's an interesting one as I feel like he is often either forgotten about or lumped into the evil for evil's sake category. Peter made appalling choices, but I think he has a backstory, just like everyone, which can at least account for some of why he did what he did. And it does not have to do with him being bullied, pushed around, or constantly berated by his supposed friends. The Marauders loved each other, and Peter was included in that love.

That being said, there are plenty of people who disagree. Who like to see the Death Eaters as evil. Who cannot fathom how anyone in their right mind can ship Jegulus or be invested in a villain. But to those people I say, Regulus committed suicide as part of taking down Voldemort, Remus put peoples lives at risk every time he left the shack while he was at Hogwarts, Sirius has made some very questionable choices, Harry uses Sectumsempra on Draco, Severus was a Death Eater who changed allegiance, Ron deserts his friends/Harry when they need him, even Fred and George test products on first years and give Hermione a black eye. The lines between good and bad (which are at least somewhat defined in canon) become far less clear in fandom. As Sirius says, the world isn't split between good people and Death Eaters.

If you have read this far into my rant, kuddos to you. If you enjoy thinking and talking about backstory of HP villains, maybe we can connect in some capacity and exchange HC's and thoughts. I also hope you will check out my very epic series which has started posting on Ao3 because I am striving to tell a lot of people's stories in a fast paced, entertaining way.

Thank you for your time and attention. This concludes my rant.

[littlemisslipbalm]

“Similar Tastes”

An enemies to lovers classic. You and Harry are too similar for you to ever get along...maybe

Hi hi! This is for @majorharry’s 20k celebration writing !!! Hope you all enjoy, I always love to hear from you :)))

The prompts I used: “How about you get off my dick” and “Sorry, I didn’t know”

This gif bc Harry “oh god that’s TEQUILA” Styles is king

Fluff? Smut? But definitely angst? Idk how to describe it bahaha a little bit of everything

Word Count: 4.0k | Warnings: language (there are actually two slurs in this - they’re bisexual slurs and they’re said by the bad guy so just take that into consideration), mature content (not quite smut but y’know), alcohol consumption, girl kissing girl at one point

Pt. 2 is up!

-

Saturday night. It was finally time to go out with your group of friends and you couldn’t be happier. Well, you could, but what would make you that happy wasn’t possible. If one of the people in your friend group wasn’t there. That would make you the happiest.

Almost everyone has that one person in your friend group who you can’t stand. Like, at first you don’t really know them and then as you get to know them more you just can’t stand them.

For you that was Harry.

While neither of you would admit why you hated each other, it was obviously about how everyone would always compare the two of you. You had practically identical personalities, and had similar fashion taste. At first, everyone else thought you would end up together because it seemed like you were perfectly matched. But the first time someone said, “Oh, Harry, your jacket looks just like the one Y/N wore last week.” Both of you had seethed in complete dissatisfaction. 

Naturally, Harry took his jacket off early in that evening and you never wore yours again. You hated being compared to Harry, being told he had made a similar joke or said the same thing about something made you want to reevaluate your entire value system. Maybe it was because you both had such an individualistic mindset, but neither of you enjoyed being compared to anyone and that’s what made it all the worse when people chose to compare you to each other. It boiled down to both of you wanting to be the best at everything - the most unique, rather - that made you dislike the other so much.

So, tonight at the bar, as your group rattled in from the street, you stuck close to your pals at the front while Harry was chatting with someone near the back of the pack. Your eyes had met briefly when you’d seen each other’s outfits. Harry’s a half unbuttoned Gucci cream dress shirt, that was rolled to his elbows, tucked into high waisted navy trousers finished with cream boots and yours a navy bra top with a faux collar and a deep cut to show your cleavage paired with cream high waisted pleated pants and navy loafers. Not exactly the same, but if you had stood next to one another it would have looked planned. You rolled your eyes at him as he narrowed his towards you. You couldn’t wait to order a few drinks and let loose after a hard week at work.

As you all approached a booth, somehow the group shifted and Harry and you were suddenly side by side as everyone was getting in the booth. Then, you were sitting and Harry was right beside you. He tried to cover his groan of annoyance when he realized he’d have to be sitting next to you, once again regarding your outfit with disdain. Your only response was glaring at him. The friend who you had been talking to, Marie, placed her hand over your ring-clad one, that was now gripping the side of the table out of annoyance. “Play nice,” she said. You relaxed at her touch trying to refocus on the purpose of the night, fun.

Soon, a waitress made it to your table and smiled sweetly at all your bright faces. Harry and you were located to her left, and her eyes reached you last.

“Oh! You two are too cute! I love when couples coordinate their outfits!”

Harry’s eyes bulged out of his head and you gave a tight-lipped smile as you tried to keep yourself from having a blood vessel pop in your eye right then.

“We’re not” you began, Harry cut you off, “together, love.”

His expression changed as he smirked up at the waitress, trying to make it clear that he was very much single.

“Oh! My apologies...So what can I get everyone?”

As she began to take the orders, you shoved your elbow into Harry’s rib. You did it for two reasons, for him cutting you off when you were talking and for being so on top of you in the booth.

He turned to you, “The fuck was that for?”

“For being an asshole.”

“Excuse me?”

As you’re about to go off on him about being rude, Marie taps your hand and you realize it's your turn to order.

You clear your throat, trying to shake off your angry tone, “Tequila on the rocks, please.”

The waitress nods and then turns to smile at Harry, he gives you side eyes of disdain, “What’s your most expensive tequila?”

Her smile grew, “We’ve got Don Julio Real and Gran Patron for top shelf.”

“Don Julio on the rocks, please.” He winked.

She nods, scribbling something on her notepad, “Oh! Would you like Don Julio as well?” she returns to you.

You shook your head, “No. Jose Cuervo works just fine,” and glared at Harry once more.

Of course he would ask for top shelf, you thought. Harry couldn't have gotten through saying the exact same order as you, especially after the waitress had already pointed out the similarity in your clothes.

“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

Being in such close proximity to Harry made you incapable of leaving the bickering alone. Everyone else always ignored when the two of you really got into it, because it honestly wasn’t that interesting. Like an old married couple, though none of them would ever dare say it.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Y/N?”

You scoffed as he turned in his seat to look at you. “Oh, please, you just couldn’t handle ordering the same thing as me. You had to flex that you could order Don Julio!”

“You’re just upset because you can’t.”

“Come off it! I could, but I don’t feel the need to boost my ego by showing off to the waitress that I can afford the expensive stuff.” You laughed at his attempt at snubbing you about what you can and can’t afford.

His eyes darkened and flashed at you and you could see it even in the dim lighting off the bar. “I wasn’t trying to show off, it’s not my fault you don’t care to drink the good stuff.”

“Okay, Harry,” you say sarcastically, waving him off.

He huffed, annoyed that you were the only person he was sitting next to. He had to call across the table if he wanted to speak to anyone that wouldn’t involve you being completely in the way. As he was about to call out to Mitch who was directly across from him, the waitress returned with everyone’s drinks.

“Jose Cuervo on the rocks! And Don Julio on the rocks!” She beamed at the group after finishing handing them out.

Everyone thanked her and she disappeared. You and Harry simultaneously took sips of your drinks.

You wrinkled your nose, “This isn’t Jose Cuervo…”

Harry placed his drink on his coaster and swallowed, licking his lips he said, “I think mine is, tastes cheap.”

“You’re really an ass,” you say as you shove your misgiven drink to him and snatch his from the table instead.

Harry growing tired of your arguing already, “Whatever you say, sweetheart,” he rolled his eyes and took a larger sip of the correct drink.

You take a sip of your own drink and sigh again, “This isn’t even tequila, what the fuck?”

“Ah, no wonder it tasted like shit. What do you think it is?”

“Well, considering there’s only, like, a handful of clear hard liquors besides silver tequila, probably vodka, idiot,” you breathed the last word under your breath, still Harry stared at you with daggers in his eyes. You weren’t actually sure how many other liquors it could be, but you were so pissed off by the whole situation you just wanted to make him shut up.

“Well that’s a bummer, kid. Maybe next time, order a better tequila and she’ll get it right.”

You shoved him, not wanting to wait for the waitress to come back to fix her mistake, “How about you get off my dick and then I can go get something worth drinking?”

Harry huffed as he slowly moved his body up from his seat, yet he stayed so close to the opening of the booth you were practically chest to chest when you slipped out. Due to that, and maybe a little bit on purpose, you knocked your drink forward to get a small amount on him. Not enough for him to be drenched, but enough to bug him for the rest of the night.

“Oops?” you tilted your head and held a sickeningly sweet smile on your face as you looked at his taken aback look. His prominent jaw had dropped as the cold liquid had pooled over his left breast pocket, some of his tattoos now much more visible. You quickly turned on your heel and bounced off to the bar. Harry grumbled and sat back down, Marie leaned over with a napkin, trying to dry him off a bit.

With a fresh drink in hand you weaved back to the table, all your friends were laughing together at something Harry had seemingly said. When you arrived everyone beamed up at you, far more jovial after a few sips of their drinks. Only Harry’s face was sour, but you chose to ignore it and smile at your friends, waiting for Harry to get up to let you into your seat that he had occupied in your absence. When he didn’t, your face began to fall from its smile.

“Are you going to get up?”

“No, just take that seat,” he waves his hand beside him, trying to go back to the conversation he was engaging in before you had arrived.

“But, you’re in my seat,” you pushed.

“You’re the one who decided to get up and leave it.”

“You cannot be serious, Harry.”

“As a heart attack,” he said flatly, and then turned his head to Sarah who was next to Marie.

You looked around the table for help, Mitch gave a slight sad smile like he felt bad, but everyone knew there was no changing Harry’s mind. You knew you didn’t have the strength to yank his large, muscled body out of the booth, so you resigned and took his old seat. There, you kicked Harry’s leg harshly and took a long sip of your alcohol, just wanting to get drunk enough to want to dance and then not be near Harry.

After a second round of drinks, this time the waitress getting your order right, you were feeling better. Harry and you were largely ignoring each other and laughing along with the rest of your friends to some story. Every so often his leg would open up and bump into yours and you’d hit back at it harder, his eyes sliding to your face for a moment and then looking away. He made you so hot with anger and the closeness of bodies in that bar already had the temperature way too high. You gulped at your drink, trying to cool down, but it only had the opposite effect, the alcohol mixing with your blood, heating up your insides, as well.

Then, once the third round of drinks were served, Marie suggested it was time to dance, commenting that some random song that was currently playing was ‘her favorite’. It wasn’t, but whenever she got drunk, every song was ‘her favorite’. However, you were all happy to oblige, feeling restless as the alcohol was buzzing in your systems.

Out on the dance floor, some of the couples in your friend group paired off to dance on each other while the rest of you spread out. You spotted a woman in the crowd wearing a sequin dress that looked absolutely gorgeous on her, her blonde hair reminding you of some rocker chick in the 70’s. While making your way towards her, Harry tried to get in front of you, obviously making his way to her as well.

Another thing Harry and you had in common, the people you typically went for - men and women. Shaking him off with a hand on his chest and a glare, you reached her first and she smiled at you as you complimented her outfit and began to dance with her. Harry resigned to staying with some of your other friend’s when he saw how the woman threw her head back at something you said to her. Soon, she was grinding herself against your front, your lips attached to her neck, hands on her hips.

Feeling particularly happy with yourself, your gaze flitted around the crowded dance floor. Eyes scanning those around you, you soon made eye contact with Harry, who actually wasn’t that far off. His eyes looked a more dull green in the light and he rolled them when he saw you looking up from your place against the beautiful woman. While he still looked on at your languid figures pressed together, you teased your tongue up her neck a bit, causing the woman to keen into your touch. As Harry was about to look away, shaking his head at your antics, he caught sight of a guy approaching you and the other woman.

He said something to the pair of you, but you couldn’t hear him. The woman had opened her eyes to look at the guy and you had removed your lips from her, shaking your head that you didn’t catch what he said.

He repeated himself, yelling this time, “Fauxbians out here trying to catch a real man! How ‘bout we make you total lugs!”

He was loud enough for your friends to hear, including Harry who had been watching the whole scene play out. He pushed through the crowd to get to your side, he might not like you, but he couldn’t stand someone who was homophobic, or biphobic, in this case. You pushed the woman off of you and to the side, she was clearly upset and you weren’t going to let what the guy said slide.

“What the fuck, man? You think it’s okay to say shit like that to people? What year are you living in, like for real?”

As you were about to start really ripping into him, you felt Harry’s presence beside you. You looked over and he looked angry, like really angry, not annoyed or exasperated as he usually did with you. Angry like he was about to grab this guy by the shirt and start pummeling him. Even with all the alcohol in your system, you knew that wouldn’t actually help the situation, even if you did want someone to wipe the smug look off this guy’s face, which had only grown worse since you’d started yelling at him. It was like this stranger was getting off on making these two women in front of him uncomfortable and upset.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Harry spat at the guy.

“Harry,” you turned your body towards him and put your hand on his chest, placing yourself between him and the rude guy, “I’m not letting you get into a fight over what he said. It’s not worth it.”

He had pushed himself almost against this guy, Harry easily hovering over him. Harry looked down at you and then back to the guy, who was chuckling to himself, stepping back from the scene.

He seethed, “You disgust me,” he looked at the man. “Just crawl back into whatever hole your sorry ass came out of.”

The guy just laughed and walked off. Harry looked down at you, his eyes softening instantly. You couldn’t exactly distinguish the look he gave you, you just knew it was something you’d never seen directed at you.

Your brow remained furrowed as you looked at him, then he said, “Let’s get some air.”

You looked around the room for your sequined dress woman, but she was nowhere to be found. So you let Harry take you by the hand out the side exit, to the bar’s alleyway.  

Outside, you immediately brought your hands to rub over your exposed arms, the tiny sleeves of your shirt not being enough to brave the brisk night air. The altercation had shaken you up quite a bit and immediately sobered you. Harry stepped closer to you out of instinct, seeing you were shivering, but having nothing to offer warmth except himself. The two of you leaned against the bar’s outer wall and took a few deep breaths.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked, voice slightly hoarse from yelling in the loud bar.

“Fine. You?”

Why was he being so nice, you were surprised he had stepped in at all, but now he was checking in on you past that, it was confusing.

“Of course. You didn’t even let me get a single swing in.”

You scrunched your face at his comment regarding violence. “Why did you even come over? I can handle myself,” you asked, suddenly feeling the normalcy of bickering settle between the two of you.

Harry rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. His pectoral muscles slightly shifted and pushed around his cross pendant in the center of his chest.

“Because he was a dick,” he started, then sighed, “And because I can’t just let some homophobe say a bunch of slurs to my friend.”

Your eyes grew wide and shown in the street lamp, as they looked up into Harry’s green ones. He was slightly sweaty from the bar, but it was quickly drying and leaving a slight sparkle on his skin. His jaw was tensed, as he tried to maintain eye contact with you. You remained silent, unaware how to respond to his statement that he did, despite much evidence saying otherwise, care about you.

Harry decided to continue, “You might piss me off, like all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for a random asshole to say that kind of shit to you.”

“I’m your friend?” you circled back to what he had said earlier. Your voice was small and also hoarse from yelling in the bar.

“Of course, Y/N, what the fuck?”

“I thought...I guess I never saw it that way.”

“Harsh.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know competing all the time and being annoyed with each other was friendship.” You shifted closer to Harry, your words dripping in sarcasm. Even now, as the two of you checked in on each other and talked about your friendship, you managed to fight.

“That’s just because you’re constantly infuriating me and getting us into fights,” Harry smirked, tapping a finger on your cold nose.

“I think you’ve got it backwards, there, Har,” you winked.

“No, I don’t think so,” he shrugged and pressed closer to you.

Neither of you were very clear on what your bodies were doing, slowly moving so that you had your back against the wall and Harry’s hips were pressed up against yours.

“It’s not my fault you’re always jealous of me,” you breathe, his face inches from yours.

Harry snorted a laugh out of his nose, his eyes slowly blinking and looking away from you, before staring directly at you. “Oh, please, now who has it backwards?” His right arm went up beside your head and his hand rested on the cold stone next to you. His breath, from his laughter and words, fanning over your face, made you close your eyes at the warmth.

You moved both of your hands up to his chest, and he looked down at the movement. One moved up to grip his shoulder and the other fiddled with the cross that had caught your attention when he had folded his arms.

After a beat, Harry said your name, barely above a whisper. Your head tilted up, looking up at him questioningly. You didn’t really understand the position the two of you had shifted yourselves into. “Can I kiss you?” Harry asked.

“Do you want to?”

“Kind of…” He ran a finger over your cheekbone.

Your eyes danced with mischief “Why?”

“Are you serious?” Harry asked in slight disbelief.

“As a heart attack,” you said gravely, throwing the words he had used earlier back at him. He sighed a slight laugh.

“Like I said, infuriating…”

Just as he was about to pull away, you reached up and connected your lips with his. Your hand cupped his strong jaw and brought him closer to you. His warm, wet lips pushed against yours with vigor. There was passion in the kiss. A constant push and pull for who got to be in control. You sucked on his lower lip, trying to get him to open up his mouth, but he declined.

He pressed you further onto the wall, while cradling your head to keep it from knocking against the concrete. His teeth nipped at your lip after a few more moments of fervent open mouth kisses without tongue. You resigned to not getting your way and let his tongue lick into you. Your tongue pressed against his as the two of you continued kissing. While his mouth was harsh, the rest of his touch was mostly soft. The hand that didn’t cradle your head was rubbing up and down your side, only venturing down to your bottom occasionally and squeezing quickly.

Finally, he pulled back, gasping slightly for air. He then rested his forehead against yours and you looked at him from beneath your lashes. One of your hands was now twisted in his curls, while the other was gripping his shirt, over the dried vodka spill from earlier. You smiled as you exhaled a big breath. Harry chuckled giddily.

“That was hot,” you said.

“Y’know, having similar tastes...might not be such a bad thing after all.”

“Knowing us we probably like all the same things…” you trailed off, blushing at the suggestion.

“Why don’t we find out sometime,” Harry winked before brushing his lips against yours once more.

Pecks weren’t possible for either of you though, both of you furiously pressing back together, hungry for more of the heat that came from you kissing.

“That’d be nice,” you whimpered against his lips.

“I think it’d be more than nice…” Harry brought his head down to suck on a part of your exposed cleavage, one of his legs pressed between yours, pushing slightly up into your heat. A strangled moan left your lips as you tried to stifle it. Harry chuckled, his face moved up to right beside your ear, “You’d probably love to have me take you right here, huh?”

His leg pressed up into you and your body automatically grinded down on the pressure. The alcohol and sexual grinding from earlier had gotten you horny and the making out with Harry had definitely heightened your desire.

“But we both know you can’t,” you gained your strength and pressed a little on his shoulders.

As much as you desired Harry right now and he seemed to desire you, as well, he was right. You two were extremely similar and would never actually have sex in a bar alleyway, as much as you might want to in the moment. You both laughed, releasing the sexual tension that was surrounding you.

“I know, but it’s fun to pretend we could...How about we go to my place and see what other fantasies we share?” Harry twisted a strand of your hair in his large hand.

“For once, I’m happy to be on the same page as you, Harry,” you grinned. He picked you up and spun you around, making you shriek in laughter, before heading back into the bar to gather your stuff.

You were quick to scurry out of the bar after telling your friends you were both leaving, tired from everything that had happened. Everyone simply nodded, but the minute you were far enough away they all snickered about the lipstick smeared on the corners of Harry’s lips and your terribly mused hair. Mitch even placed a twenty in the palm of Sarah’s open hand, shaking his head in defeat.

-

Tag list: @cronias13 @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @harrxier @harrys-cherrry @sltwins @awesomebooklover17 @harrys-stan

[forestwater87]

This is your excuse to talk about Julia (the purple haired girl) if you want to :D

Oooh yay! Okay so she’s not actually mine — she was created by @hopefullypessimistic84 , who I always have read over anything I use Julia in for characterization consistency — and I’m sure Hope will have more to add but here’s what I’ve got!

First off, for those of you who have no idea what we’re talking about: Hope found a camper in one of the old photos and adopted her, and now she is one of my favorite characters ever. She shows up pretty frequently in my writing bc I love her.

Dis one.

Anyway! Here’s a bunch of random shit — some of it was invented by Hope, some of it is my hcs (can you have hcs of an oc version of an extra? Idk but I did it) — and I hope someone finds it mildly entertaining:

She met David and Jasper in their first summer at camp, so they’re all about the same age; if anything she might be a year or so younger but it’s all quite close, and I imagine they went through the same years in school.

She doesn’t live near David — if we’re placing him up in Canada she’s somewhere in a relatively large city near the American border. Depending on if you put Camp Campbell on the east coast (my hc) or the west (what it probably actually is), she most likely grew up in NYC or Seattle.

She’s more like Jasper than David: not super bubbly, not all that into nature, and very suspicious of anything Campbell related.

I’m pretty sure she’s an only child, but it doesn’t matter because she adopted David and Jasper as her brothers and 1000% thinks of herself as their sister.

She’s an ace lesbian, and somewhere on the butch spectrum. Depending on my mood she’s either a fat leather butch or a tiny elfin tomboy, but no matter what she’s short and has a motorcycle jacket.

Actually it’s spoilers but who cares because it’ll take me forever to get there: she’s actually going to fall in love with another OC, this time one I made up! She meets Gwen’s sister Audree through incredibly awkward in-law interactions, because Hope and I decided to mash our OCs together. Their relationship is a little ….complicated, because they’re so dissimilar, but it works.

I’m pretty sure Julia ends up being a professional photographer. She lives in (see city mentioned in #2) but travels a lot for her job. What kind of photos???? Uhhhhhhhh no idea; my brain is thinking like corporate somehow, or real estate? Something more practical than artistic, but Hope would probably know for sure and I don’t know dick about photography.

Her job and long distance means she doesn’t get to see David (or Jasper, if it’s an AU where he lives) a lot, but she keeps them all in touch with the aggressive tenacity of a bulldog.

She’s very colorful and generous with her profanity.

If you hurt someone she loves she will kill you and no one will ever find your body.

She is made of sarcasm and a surprising amount of rage.

She grew up extremely poor (not sure what the family situation is but I feel like it was a 1-parent household), so even though she ended up being very successful she still carries a lot of trauma and mindset from spending her childhood not having enough to really get by. (This is probably the major cause of content with Audree, who grew up rich and then got richer.)

I don’t remember what we were thinking about Jules’ grown-up haircut, but her natural color is definitely purple.

She calls David Davey, Sunshine, and Red. I don’t know what she’d call Jasper and Gwen.

She probably stopped going to Camp Campbell after Jasper died, either as her own choice or because her parent(s) pulled her out of it, but as an adult she does make a point to visit David there at least once a summer on the anniversary of his death. (Listen we came up with this before we found out what happened to Jasper; cut us some slack here re: canon.)

She didn’t grow out of her pop-punk-emo phase, she grew into it.

I don’t know if she actually rides a motorcycle or just likes the look, but I like to think she at least bought one.

Nothing makes her flustered except pretty girls.

I don’t think she reads that much, but I could see her being a movie buff. Though tbh I really see her as whatever you’d call someone super into music.

Did she skateboard? Does she? I feel like she would.

[sukirichi]

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ] 

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ] 

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs 

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ] 

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them. 

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !! 

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

[angstbabyjae]

DSMP Tier List

This tier list was shared in a discord server I’m in, so I thought I’d give it a go. Not entirely satisfied with the section titles, so I used them quite liberally. I will explain why I put people where I did. On the tier itself I didn’t order them by preference but in my explanation I will. Please not that they will be ranked from favorite to least favorite per category (for example: I put Sapnap technically above Niki despite liking her character more) and not by how much they deserve to be in each category (for example: I prefer Technoblade to Phil but I believe people excuse Technoblade’s actions more than Phil’s). I encourage healthy suggestion in the comments since I only joined the fandom around the Green Festival and haven’t seen the history/POV’s of every character, though I try. Enjoy.

Gonna slap on a big ol’ “/rp” here just to be safe.

You've done nothing wrong come here (holds you gently)

So the thing about this section is that I don't believe any dream smp character is completely innocent, so I used this section more like a top of tier than as it's title implies.

1. TommyInnit

Ngl, Tommy is my favorite character in the Dream SMP. As a fellow Loud Person I relate to him a lot and his feelings that nobody really likes him. His mental health struggles are close to my heart and (SPOILERS) his death just made me so devastated. I really hope they don't end his arc like this. Not when he was just starting to heal, please. Tommy has certainly done a lot of things wrong. I'd highly recommend watching the exile decision from both Tubbo and Tommy's POV's because you can really get a grasp of their mindsets. Despite this, he is my fave.

2. Ranboo

Until recently I preferred Tubbo to Ranboo, but cc!Ranboo just totally outdid himself on lore and acting to the point where I couldn't deny it anymore. Ranboo did do *some* things wrong, but they are less extreme than many on this list (I don't count things he might have done under Dream's control since he wasn't conscious). Ranboo's character makes me go into protecc mode. So yeah, very good enderboi.

3. Tubbo_

Tubbo doesn't have much lore for his character, but like I do with many others on this list, I like to overanalyze and interpret certain characters to be deeper than they are. The Tubbo I have in my head is a lot more complex than what cc!Tubbo probably meant to portray. There is so much angst potential with his character, similar to many others, but what puts him top tier for me is the emotional connection I have to his character and how I relate to getting so much put on my shoulders and having to make tough decisions.

you're an amazing character

Okay so technically Schlatt should be on this list if we are speaking from a narrative standpoint, but seeing as the way OP labelled the other sections on this chart I'm guessing they meant morally as well.

4. Alex Quackity

Quackity is my favorite adult character. I don't even know why, I just love the idea of this comic relief character becoming such a catalyst for plot and more serious as time goes on. I love taking the dream smp characters and making them deeper than they probably are, as I do with Tubbo, but now it seems cc!Quackity is fully taking his character to the height of his potential and I can't wait to see what he does with him next.

5. AweSamDude

(SPOILERS) As such a big Tommy fan I must admit, my first thought when Tommy died was that Sam was partly responsible. If Dream told him what he did to Tommy in exile like he claims then he would have at least put up the obsidian barrier between them or something. After watching Ranboo's most recent stream (right now it's March 3rd) I understand why Sam did what he did more. My initial anger towards him has dissipated a bit. I still love his character so much. He really did care about Tommy and now... dang. I can't wait to see what happens with him next.

6. Captain Puffy

It was very close between ranking her or Sam higher, but given all the in depth character stuff we're getting from Sam right now, I'd have to rank him above. Despite this, Puffy is a character that I started out not knowing anything about and am now feeling her climb the ranks in my books. Sometimes I feel like she's the only adult who actually put Tommy's well-being above other things, despite them not interacting often. I wasn't around for the whole "duckling" thing with Dream and have yet to watch the VODs, but I just want her to visit him now and punish him for the Tommy stuff. (SPOILERS) I can feel Dream's next ploy being trying to convince someone to let him out in exchange for bringing back Tommy and if Sam doesn't cave then Puffy probably will. Also, I really hope that her and Niki's relationship isn't forgotten. There's so much angst potential there. Also, I need sapphics to survive.

7. Eret

So, I wasn't a fan of the SMP during season one. I hadn't even heard of it except for like my friend referencing Technoblade now and then. After watching some VODs of Eret's I am slowly starting to fall in love with her characterization. I am so soft for their redemption arc, for the regret he feels. Now that cc!Eret is back from their mental health break I am so ready for more.

8. Fundy

Fundy's a character that I will forget how much I love until he goes live again, or until I reread his old quotes. He has a lot of lore to him that surprises you every time you remember. Whether its his last speech to Schlatt to COCONUT 2020, Fundy always gives the audience something more to think about.

9. "Ghostbur"

Ghostbur is one of the few characters who genuinely make me want to cry. cc!Wilbur's performance was both hilarious and immaculate. I really want to find out more about his lore, though. Do all dead people with unfinished business get an alternate version of themselves to roam the Earth while you stay in the afterlife unable to make contact unless the veil is thin? Was Ghostbur just Wilbur pretending the whole time? (SPOILERS) Is Tommy going to get one? Is Glatt canon? Much to think about.

10. BadBoyHalo

While I despise egg-possessed BBH, normal BBH has my entire heart. The fact he gave up his mind for Skeppy is *chef's kiss*. I am very impressed with everything cc!BBH is writing right now.

11. Karl Jacobs

My second favorite polyamorous dimension hopper after Star Butterfly (let me have Startomco please)! TFTSMP just gets better and better each week. His time travel shenanigans are so fun and mysterious. Karlnapity is just a big ol' pot of angst just waiting to happen. WEDDING SOON PLEASE!

no intense opinion

While I do have opinions on some of these characters, they aren't intense enough to place them anywhere else.

12. Ponk

I don't watch him all that often since he's live during my school time, but what I've seen I love. Him starting that whole side plot expanding on that one TFTSMP episode intrigues me and I can see it tying into the egg somehow. Him and Sam are really cute together (/rp) and I want him to become more plot relevant again.

13. Antfrost

GAY CAT GAY CAT GAY CAT! In all seriousness, I really want him to do stuff with his character to make him more than just BBH's second-in-command (I have similar feelings with Skeppy, but I know he isn't very big on lore). Side note, but I really love the hc that RedVelvetCake is inside the egg. I want him to join so bad.

14. Purpled

I've only just started watching the actual clips from pre-L'Manberg times and Purpled was once much more plot involved than I thought. Him planning on getting his revenge on Tommy at the same time as the "police" investigating the Camarvan back in early season one was comedy gold. Shout out to BlueberryTV on YouTube for making it so easy to watch. In conclusion, we stan an underage mercenary.

15. GeorgeNotFound

Idk if this is a hot take or not, but I feel a good portion of people who love George's character are just DNF shippers who want to turn his crumbs into an angst factory, but you know what? Valid. While I am not a DNF shipper, I have seen the angst y'all have brought to the table and very much appreciate it.

16. ConnorEatsPants

The most I think I've seen of Connor has been the hostage scene and the non-canon party scene from this season. I don't have much to say except that his small speech to Tommy after he was let go about him not being a bad person despite traumatizing him hit surprisingly hard in the feels.

17. Skeppy

cc!Skeppy is not a big roleplayer, and I get that, it's just sometimes his character feels a little like an accessory to Bad's character. Please link me some good Skeppy moments in the comments if you can, I want to try and learn more about his character. His angst with Bad right now is top tier, though, and I choose to believe that Big Daddy Island is canon and that Bad took him there to keep him free from the egg. I actually wrote a fic about this if you want to check it out! Mind the tags, though, I went a little macabre with it.

18. HBomb

When I first learned about the SMP it was two nights before the green festival and I was up until 3am at my aunt's house reading the plot summary. The first clip of the smp I saw was the election VOD, where HBomb joined for the first time. I don't know much about him other than the fact he was Fundy's maid for a time and it was absolutely hilarious. I saw the recent stuff with him leaving Greater SMP to start over and enjoyed it. Hope we get more stuff like that with him.

19. Callahan

Gets all the ladies. What else can I say?

you're trying your best and I respect that

20. Sapnap

I put Sapnap here because he's on his way to becoming an amazing character. The angst stuff with Dream is the stuff George fans can only dream of (pun unintended). I like how he went from the cop, the pet killer, Dream's right hand man, to mushroom cottegecore gay living his best life and dealing with the pain of losing his best friend. The whole "Dream's bitch" conversation with Tommy that I saw an animatic for some time ago made me hurt so good. Also #KarlnapityWedding2021.

you're redeemable, thin fucking ice though

These are characters who I somewhat dislike to a degree, but still have hope for. In my opinion this section should be switched with the one after it in terms of which is worse, but oh well.

21. Wilbur Soot

I know he's already dead but if he's brought back to life I want a redemption arc from him back. (SPOILERS) If neither him nor Tommy come back to life then dsmp has a horrible track record with killing off their mentally ill and (tw) suicidal characters. Wilbur has done some awful things, but if he's brought back I don't think he'd be beyond saving.

22. Jack Manifold

I need to say something about Jack. He is so very very close to being in the "you're trying your best" section right now after his most recent stream. His redemption arc is so close I can taste it and if he is redeemed right I can see him joining my faves. His most recent stream was just so well acted that my heart just wants to forgive him already... until my brain remembers he tried to nuke a child. Don’t know if this is also a hot take, but I think he had more of a right to be mad at Tommy than Niki did, but I know for Niki it's more complicated than that.

23. Niki Nihachu

There was a time that I adored Niki Nihachu and a part of me still does, but she has gone a little bit off the deep end. I do understand it's a trauma response, though. cc!Niki said that her villain arc is almost over, which disappointed me a bit because we kinda barely got to see it since it was so overshadowed, but I am also relieved. I just want my wlw baker back :(

people excuse your actions more than you deserve

I am just going to pretend that this section doesn't say "love". I still like these characters a lot even though they get away with a lot of shit.

24. Technoblade

I love Technoblade too much for him to be ranked this low, but like I said this ranking is based on fitting the section descriptions, not how much I love them. Technoblade's POV is understandable but also that doesn't excuse the pain he's caused so many people. L'Manberg was more than it's a government as much as Techno is more than a weapon.

25. Philza Minecraft

Philza deserves to be in this section a little less than Technoblade because I actually agree with a lot of what Philza fans say. Tommy is not Philza's kid. Phil has a lot of trauma around killing Wilbur, yes. I just don't see how you could watch Ghostbur's Friend speech during Doomsday and think he was in the right for doing it.

i don't like you

26. JSchlatt

JSchlatt is an amazing character in many ways. The acting? Glorious. The dialogue? Spot on. With that being said, YAYY HE'S DEAD!!! I really like leaning into the abusive relationship hc with him and his cabinet. He was probably the most fun villain we've ever had, though.

I WANT THIS MOTHER FUCKER DEAD

27. DreamWasTaken

Come on, do I even have to explain?

[reversecreek]

poppy, snapdragon, zinnia

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

comfort is a bit of an alien concept to bradley tbh..... she rly didn’t grow up w a lot of it. her mum did her best bt a lot of the time bradley had to comfort her rather than the other way around. bradley had to adapt to her surroundings in a way bc anything else would be like surviving as a hothouse orchid in antarctica which is just <3 not gna happen. bc of this bradley can find comfort during even the most terrifying moments. it’s a bit like she goes someplace else inside her head. she’s good at detaching frm situations. she does this a lot when she needs comfort. sometimes when she lays in bed she pretends her mum’s laying w her and that bradley’s stroking the hair from her face like she used to whenever she got bad. rooftops comfort bradley. it’s like how cats seek high vantage points to feel secure bc they can oversee everything from their perch on top of the world. growing up bradley wld go to this one rooftop that overlooked the train tracks n whenever it came by she’d just like. scream as loud as she could n let the sound of the train swallow it. sometimes she pictured all the birds falling dead frm the sky when it happened or a hole tearing it open or great jagged cracks appearing in the pavement. it was nice to feel powerful for once. another thing is she likes going to deserted playgrounds in the dead of the night n jst sitting smoking on the creaky swingset like a victorian demon child from an old haunted manor in a horror movie. smashing things brings her catharsis. can’t express how angry she is all the time so letting any of that out brings a lot of relief. she’s also embarrassed to admit it n never would bt growing up she had an imaginary friend she made up a whole life for who worked for her father bt didn’t agree w the things he did n got her n her mum out to hv another life. sometimes he visits her in dreams n bradley’s so angry at him for not existing tht she attacks him w a butcher’s knife.

snapdragon :   is your muse merciful ?  why or why not ?

not rly honestly. i mean... she kind of just hasn’t been allowed to be merciful. or like. if her dad witnessed her being that way ever it would be like kill bill sirens blaring n bradley wld know she’d massively fucked up. he thinks getting upset is a childish trait n he also thinks compassion falls into this category which is completely fking absurd n unreasonable but that’s just him. so like... bradley’s kind of absorbed some of this mindset. or it’s like. a prison door she’s constantly trying to pick the lock of bt it’s very difficult not to fall into this path that tony’s made to feel so natural of just... not giving a fk about anyone even herself. that said there is like... idk. i don’t excuse any of bradley’s actions n she’s objectively bad in a lot of ways bt there’s also a tiny part of her heart that wants to be good like. she doesn’t Want to be like her dad in any way it’s kind of just the cards she’s been dealt but that doesn’t mean she isn’t constantly trying to reshuffle them as if it’ll make a new set appear. in very rare occasions bradley does let some ppl off the hook n give them a break like.... if she can tell ur actually a genuinely good person she won’t rly understand it bc that doesn’t quite compute w her experience of the world or the way she’s come to know things are in life but she’ll like. not want to completely eviscerate it if she doesn’t have a proper reason to. she’s kind of confusing honestly like. she’ll be so violent n outrageous one day n then another she’ll be walking alone n see a bee drowning in a puddle n crouch down to flick it out with a leaf. her brain’s very morally ambiguous it’s almost as if there’s a little ember of light in there that doesn’t want to die but more often than not is snuffed out to the point that u think she’s pitch black.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

god............... slides on a pair of blacked out sunglasses n also a black leather jacket from the matrix so noone can see my eyes tearing up n they think i look so fking stylish they’re distracted by the look i’m serving.......... losing her mum was like. can’t even think of a sentence big enough to capture how deeply wrong it made bradley feel in her bones abt everything. it felt a bit like the world had stopped turning. her mum had this vintage jewellery box with a silky lining and a little ballerina that would turn rly slowly whenever u wound it as if it was just about to kick the bucket forever every single time n bradley like. when her mum disappeared she wld listen to the little song it made every night for months. she’d call her mum’s number n get her voicemail n leave so many. at first they were angry bt then they turned into just talking as if she was listening on the other end. sometimes she’d even pause for a small silence like she hoped a voice come. eventually the ballerina stopped twirling n her mum’s voicemail got full but bradley never felt finished no matter how many things tried to tell her she was. bradley loved her mum like. she loved her more than anything. her being gone turned out what little light she had n bradley still isn’t sure how to turn it back on. she hasn’t rly tried to b honest with u. she isn’t sure she wants to see any more. might just b easier to live in the dark if u pretend u never knew what the light was like in the first place. if u don’t expect anything different.

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : min needs to think about what she says, or she’ll taint another friendship.

characters : kang minjung , son yongmi , zhao honghui (briefly) , elizabeth park , na jaemin (nct) (mentioned)

genre : i guess angst idk

warnings : swearing , verbal arguing , damn they kinda mean to each other . i’m not good at writing people arguing i have Never been in a fight Ever but i tried

words : 1.7k

[ july 2020, 1:23 pm, solar dorms ]

“what’re you smiling at over there?”

yongmi looked up from her spot on her armchair, curled up in a blanket to meet minjung’s eyes across the room, standing near the entrance to the kitchen. she shrugged, looking back down at her phone with a huge grin on her face. “just a new friend,” she replied, although she was very obviously blushing.

“...just a new friend?” minjung took a sip of the glass of water she had in her hand, she wasn’t buying it. she knew yongmi.

yongmi sighed in defeat, a grin still plastered on her face, “ookay, i think she’s pretty. that’s it!”

“well fuck, what’s stopping you from asking her out?” minjung asked.

“crippling anxiety,” yongmi replied simply.

minjung paused for a beat before speaking again, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

“uh... she says no?”

“so what? it’s worth a shot.”

yongmi frowned, knitting her eyebrows together, “it’d be so embarrassing if she said no. i don’t even know if she likes girls!”

“seriously, what do you have to lose.”

“...my dignity?”

minjung didn’t understand yongmi sometimes. what was so hard about asking someone out? despite the fact that, technically, it seemed they should be the best of friends and inseparable due to their closeness in age and how they trained together for years, but it wasn’t always like that. sure, they were close friends, and had been since they met, but they were complete opposites, and it was honestly a bit of a mixed bag. they didn’t get each other as well as they used to.

she sighed, “it’s not that hard, just get over yourself and do it. that’s basically how i got with jaemin.”

“you’re failing to realize that not everyone is as blunt as you,” yongmi said, looking down at her nails, “you’ll just go up to someone and be like, hey, let’s hook up- or whatever, i’m not the type of person that does that.”

“okay-“ minjung wrinkled her nose, “first of all i don’t say it like that. do i need to give you lessons on how to ask someone out, are you that lonely?”

“you’ve just never had to deal with anxiety, you should be grateful. you should also be a little more considerate, you’re being a little rude.”

“am i being rude? or are you just being sensitive?”

yongmi was standing now, completely disregarding her blanket that fell to the ground when she stood up. “can you not be nice to me for once?”

“maybe i would if you weren’t so annoying about it,” minjung stood her ground when yongmi began walking towards her.

“maybe it’s not all me,” yongmi snapped, “maybe you should stop being such a bitch.”

woah, okay, that took a sharp turn. minjung rolled her eyes, trying to mask the fact that she was absolutely flabbergasted that yongmi, arguably one of the softest and most kindhearted people she knew, would ever call her a bitch to her face. such a word wasn’t even in her vocabulary most of the time. “who says i’m the one being a bitch?”

“woah, cat fight!” the two girls snapped their heads to the side to see honghui in the hallway exiting his room, still with his hand on the knob watching the two girls argue with a look of almost excitement on his face. “what’s going on out here? should i get snacks, how long is this gonna go on for?”

minjung scowled at him, “fuck off.”

“sorry,” honghui laughed, going back into his room, “continue.”

minjung sighed, not at all phased by honghui’s sudden appearance and just as sudden disappearance, “anyways, i believe we left off on you calling me a bitch.”

yongmi laughed, but it sounded lifeless and forced, not like her usual laugh (that yongmi herself absolutely hated), “yeah, because you can’t seem to understand that some people have a different mindset than you do! you do this all the time, too, it’s probably because your parents let your spoiled ass get away with whatever you wanted.”

“okay, what we’re not gonna do is bring my parents into a conversation that has nothing to do with them,” minjung spat, walking closer to yongmi, who stayed right where she was, despite minjung’s assumption that she’d back up as soon as she started inching closer.

“i mean, they’re the ones to blame for how you act. look at me, i’ve never had to face a minor inconvenience in my life, i have a super cute boyfriend and i talk about guys like they fall to their knees whenever i approach them-“

yongmi stopped when minjung raised her hand like she was about to slap her, but stopped when she saw how hard she made the former flinch. when she stood up straight again, minjung noticed yongmi had tears in her eyes, and she remembered how much yongmi hated confrontation. regardless, she held her head up high and continued.

“the fact that you’re resorting to hitting instead of a civil discussion-“ yongmi sniffed, blinking rapidly as she didn’t want minjung to see her cry. “that really says a lot about you. why can’t we be the way we used to-“ she cut herself off early when her voice broke. she stormed down the hall to her bedroom, but not before whacking the glass minjung had in her hand, spilling water down the front of her white tshirt.

“hey!” minjung called after her, “jaemin’s supposed to be coming later! i’m wearing a black bra you can literally see everything-!”

“i’m sure he’d love to see that!” yongmi called before slamming her door, leaving minjung standing in the living room with a soaked shirt and a dumbfounded expression.

it saddened yongmi more than she could ever get out in words that minjung wasn’t the same girl that she’d known when they were both 14 and joining a company for the first time, minjung with no experience in dancing whatsoever and yongmi barely even speaking korean. they bonded over how inexperienced they both were.

yongmi could recall a time where they snuck out of the building one afternoon while they were on break, and just walked down the streets of downtown seoul without a care in the world. they were so excited when the final lineup for solar was announced, especially considering the night prior they stayed up way past their curfew to stargaze in the roof of the smk building, convinced they would never see each other again because minjung was guaranteed a place in the final lineup and at that time, they thought yongmi wasn’t.

yongmi tried to make herself feel better by reminding herself that friendship wasn’t always forever, but she couldn’t help but miss that sense of comfort and nostalgia behind minjung’s warm eyes when she stared into them.

“what the hell is your problem?” elizabeth spat, bursting into minjung’s room, causing her to jump, leaving a mascara smear on the side of her face from where she was trying to do her makeup.

“what’s going on this time?” minjung sighed, pulling a wipe out of her makeup bag to rub off where she’d messed up.

elizabeth rounded the side of her bed, bending down behind the mirror minjung held in front of her face to do her makeup with to look her in the eye, “i found yongmi crying in our room earlier, and when i asked her what was wrong, she asked me if she was too sensitive. she said you said that to her.”

minjung shrugged, purposely, or so elizabeth assumed, avoiding her eye, “she was being sensitive.”

“fucking-“ elizabeth grabbed the mirror minjung was holding right out of her hand and stood up straight again, “look at me!”

“give it!” minjung whined like a little kid, holding her arms out in an attempt to reach it, “jaemin is coming over soon!”

elizabeth held the mirror behind her back and continued, “y’all can’t ever get along, and i’m fucking sick of it, someone needs to knock some sense into you.”

minjung rolled her eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time that day as elizabeth continued, “you guys argue over the stupidest things and you need to learn how to get along soon or it’s gonna look bad on the rest of us.”

“she called me a bitch,” minjung said defensively, only provoking elizabeth to continue her rant.

“maybe because you were being a bitch. you don’t want to admit it, but you’re spoiled, and you’re a brat, and honestly? you’re abusing you title as the leader. yongmi would be a better leader than you’ve ever been if you don’t smarten up.”

from the look on minjung’s face, you would’ve thought elizabeth had slapped her. but she managed to get out, “look, i don’t know why everyone is taking her side all of a sudden-“

“because you’re the one in the wrong! you need to quit acting like you’re always the victim and like the whole world revolves around you. sure, yongmi may have said a few mean things earlier, but she’s been putting up with it from you for god knows how long.”

“she’s-“

“you two are complete opposites. i get that, you don’t think the same, but you two used to be so close! i don’t know what happened between before we debuted and now but you need to start being more considerate and stop acting like a brat.”

“i-“

“stop trying to make excuses and smarten up already!”

silence. a deafening silence that made minjung’s ears ring. was she really as mean as yongmi and elizabeth said she was? so mean that they were starting to think she was abusing her title as a leader? she’d never admit it, but shit, that cut deep. she did miss how close she used to be with yongmi, she missed it a lot, she missed how genuine and sweet she was, something she wasn’t all that used to. sure, she loved her family but she’d never been as close with them as the relationships she’d developed outside of her own home. yongmi has brought her a sense of comfort she wasn’t all that used to, so what exactly happened?

“have fun with jaemin later,” elizabeth said bitterly, tossing the mirror back onto minjung’s bed and closing the door softly as she left. minjung thought it probably would’ve been better if she slammed it.

[hiraephim]

List of things the ONS fandom needs to understand

Just because one's bad/hurtful/greedy/damaging/"mean" actions are driven by something they didn't ask for, doesn't mean that it's okay. You are responsible for the hurt you cause other people, especially those who care about you/you care about, if your actions were the direct cause of their hurt. That doesn't mean you have to help them or make them feel better, that doesn't mean you need to wallow in guilt, and that doesn't necessarily mean that they are "right". But it doesn't excuse your poor, negative choices. Deal with it however you see fit but own it.

When you're analyzing the mental health of these characters, please remember to do so in the context of the story, not within the context of your own life. Yes, it's essential to compare experiences to be able to understand a character, but remember. They have lived and will die in a foriegn world with foriegn lives to us. Stop acting like these characters were on the brink of suicide on their bedroom floor every night aa children because their parents didn't kiss them good night. Take everything into consideration. Maybe think more about the recent of events and how that may have compromised their mentality or worsened previous mental scars.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean poor mental health shouldn't be taken into account when judging a character. Always consider how they feel, why they did what they did, and if it can truly be justified in the context of the situation. It depends. Sometimes it can, sometimes it can't.

None of these characters had good pasts. Quit boiling everything down to some variation of "they just need a hug uwu" "someone just love him/her!" "she/he deserves everything they want and no one can tell me otherwise!1!1!" Stop. They live and breathe alongside people who share similar pain. They still live in a world where realistically, no one can be crowned "my precious little bean" and get everything they've wanted their whole life just handed to them, even if you feel like they deserve it. They have to apologize. They have to fix their mistakes. They have to accept reality, do the best they can, help themselves and the people they love as much as possible, and try move on with a brave face. That, or they break. That's just the truth.

Shinoa's infatuation with Yuu, while I strongly dislike the idea of it, is essential to her. I believe she doesn't love Yuu for who Yuu genuinely is. She loves him because he was in the right position at the right time, expressed the right mindset, and she let herself fall because needed an outlet to save her.

Anddd Idk if any of this makes sense lmao I just angry ranted. Feel free to reply!

[wavemaker9]

Been talking about toni’s inability to completely trust people in GTA but I will say a good show of GTA Toni’s trust in at least Tiago, Gil, and Francis is that they’re like the only 3 crime kids he’ll let himself sleep around. 

I think like at least the majority of his ‘must be prepared for betrayal’ mindset really is just duty to crew. Like if Gil or Francis kill him, that sucks majorly, but he’s willing to take the risk that they won’t given past times they’ve had the opportunity and didn’t. But despite history, if someone fucks over his crew, he has to be ready to retaliate both for his position but way more so, that fucks the crew over internally if they seem weak or don’t make a show that hurting them gets you hurt back. And that fear of having to get revenge against Gil and Francis just on principal definitely lessens, especially so for Gilbert when he gets out of the business, but it’s still always there because he has to be prepared if it comes down to it, he can’t hesitate or flake on that. The three went easy on people like Arthur and Ivan for a while at the start because they seemed tolerable or even liked something about them, and look at how that went. He’s not wasting or risking good lives just because he got sentimental despite his best efforts, he won’t allow himself to. It’s honestly like really similar to nationverse toni? It’s just instead of feeling responsible for a nation, it’s a relatively big crew in a city. It’s almost the exact same thing of like, hard to trust or get involved with people.

Also i think i vaguely suggested that the whole thing with gil’s accident + the big job going bad thanks to arthur being a turning point in toni’s trust in people, but i really like it being a bigger thing. Like beforehand, toni was a lot rougher around the edges and whatever, but also him being more genuinely willing to trust people. Not completely, again that’s just how life in LS works for him, but that being how he managed to become such good friends with Tiago/Gil/Francis in the first place, because he met them earlier on when he was a little more open and he /was/ still open to having even loose friends back then. And then the shit with everything going down and Toni doesn’t just withdraw the crew to take the heat off him and the toros, or to find the potential leak of the information to arthur, but him even cutting ties with francis specifically because well they all gave arthur and ivan wiggle room and look at what happened, who can really say what francis’ plan is here, especially since toni’s the only other big name leader left and at this point francis could get rid of him to be the top level leader of los santos. toni needs to fall back completely to reset before he ends up in a coma with his crew falling apart, too.

Idk how upset Francis would be about that, but i imagine at least a little bitter, even if he plays it off? Like maybe I’m assuming wrong, especially since I still have no idea of what Francis was up to with all this, what his motivation within the city during his younger days was, etc etc. but him probably visiting Gil a lot more over those years, where as toni probably saw gil less as the years passed. God, Toni probably first avoiding visiting while Francis visits because of the change and then just doesn’t want to have the conversation he knows will have to happen when they talk again in the middle of a hospital over the comatose body of their friend. Francis only figuring out Toni still visits on occasion thanks to like nurses or times where Toni leaves something in the room for Gil. it’s probably seen as a shitty coping mechanism of toni’s and left at that? idk. Oh but ALSO! After Gil finds out about Toni’s trust issues, maybe complaining about it to Francis and only hearing then about the differences in how often Toni came to visit vs how often Francis did? Gil even more >( hey toni what the /fuck/. Hey toni why aren’t you apparently my fucking friend, toni??? (toni: /listen/)

But back to the sleeping thing. it’s not quite the wait it would have taken for Toni to sleep around Gil and Francis, but there def being a while where Toni is dating Cami, and still going over to her house or inviting her to his, even for the night, but he’s not sleeping while she’s there. She seems innocent but he wants to get a better feel about things before just believing that theory; he don’t trust like that. God, him nodding off once or twice while over without meaning to and always startling away. One time her trying to wake him up gently and he just ends up waking up snapping into ‘gotta defend self’ mode for a hot second before realizing it’s just her and having to immediately ease up and apologize. Probably makes some excuse about growing up in a particularly bad neighborhood where break ins occurred often so he had to be ready even in his sleep, and not able to shake the habit even now. It’s nice when he does start feeling like he can willingly sleep around her though.

Honestly like. Probably a similar idea of eating/drinking anything they made/left with them. I know the first fic with him was him complaining about Ivan not drinking his drink, but he wouldn’t have either. He’d like take it and hold it through most of the conversation, and maybe even make the gesture of almost drinking or lifting the glass close to his lips, but he wouldn’t drink it or touch it fully to his lips. I mean. Idk, maybe younger him might have been more lenient on that, he saw himself as more invincible than current toni does. older him knows that invincibility requires work in this city and that you don’t get it without putting in the effort to maintain it.

Bonus thought on that: toni trying to excuse his trust issues to gil at some point (or whoever, but i’m picturing gil), saying that sacrifices are needed if you want to be the best. And gil /immediately/ coming back, but are you the best??? Like /I/ usually think you’re pretty great, don’t get me wrong, but also /you never fucking seem happy with yourself/, so are you really the best? Just by /your/ standards? Just according to /you/???

[icharchivist]

So your meta of Lavi is a masterpiece and it helped me put into words a lot of stuff. I kinda wanted to talk about Allen though, one thing you mentionned is that Allen is really positive/optimist and want to save everybody, and while some of his 'light' probably comes from Mana's mask because so far it seems Allen's idea of Mana was of a really kind and positive and cheerful person. I wonder how much of his optimism/positiveness and desire to strive for the best for everybody come from -part 1

part 2-himself ? And I suddenly remembered DGM reverse, and woah, most exorcists backstories so far are really horrible, but they all had normal-happy memories mixed in (that doesn’t make up for the horibleness of other stuff and I’m not downplaying their stories nor am I interested in comparing who had it worse), Lenalee had her family before most got killed by Akuma and she was ripped away from Komui to be psychologically tortured and abused by the black order and it quite obviously distressed

part 3- her, her life so war was happy until akuma and the B.O ruined it. I dunno for Lavi but most panels of him as a child are cheerful and cute af, and he became a bookman for his desire to know about history and know more than most people, then increasedly got sick of humanity and their wars and their stupidity. Kanda’s backstory is the stuff of nightmares and OW, but he had Alma with him from the beggining and his friendship/love/I don’t think he quite knew with Alma meant a lot for him

part 4- etc etc. Allen’s backstory in reverse ? Kinda the opposite. Red didn’t have anything happy, no happy memories, no people that loved him, nothing. He barely had shelter (one that didn’t quite block out the chilling cold), and had to work to the bone for and while he had food, it wasn’t something he took for granted, because if Cosimo or somebody else felt like it they’d say lies to the ringmaster that Red slacked off and the Ringmaster would get pissed at Red, ‘put him in his place’part 5 (I think it’s 5)-and make him starve that day as punishment. And he was under constant threat of violence from pretty much anybody. The best reaction/treatment he could hope for at the time was being ignored (and all his human rights with it), and had to face disgust/physical violence/insults/slurs from all others. Red kinda accepted that nobody’d ever love him (though he admitted he longued for love once he witnessed it), but that didn’t matter because he hated other people right back

part 6- and the first time he received warmth/got treated as a human was from Allen the dog, then from Mana himself (who Red thought the worst of at the beggining), then had fluffy and happy memories and moments during two years after his miserable and hellish life (people probably treated him normally once Mana got him a glove to cover his Innocence Arm). The thing that differentiate him from others is that most others experienced at least some warmth before getting disillusioned/cynical

avant-derniere part-most experienced some warmth before discovering that no, humanity/life suck (for Kanda it happened at the same time)(that’s even how the earl bait most into making Akuma, they experience happiness and love then get crushed when the source of hapiness gp away), but for Allen/Red ? He was utterly done with life and didn’t remember any instances of a good memory/life and didn’t even know what positivity felt like ? And then he got to experience that life doesn’t suck THAT much.

final part- then he got to experience that life doesn’t suck THAT MUCH. that’s why witnessing/enduring fucked up shit won’t faze him in his goal, fucked up shit was the norm before this weird magical thing called love came. (aside from his duty to atone to what he did to Mana) He didn’t get the transformation from hopeful to cynical. it was the other way around. He went back to save Tykki in the ark once the Noah problem was taken care of, because in Allen’s worldview, Allen himself and his -

the true final part- Allen himself and his friends doesn’t qualify as 'white/light’ in his worldview. Tykki is a sadistical homicidal bastard ? He does have human friends and people he care for anyway, so if he’s not a threat/able to kill exorcists anymore he might as well save him. And that’s why he didn’t judge Suman for being a traitor. Or maybe I’m just sprouting useless pretentious bullshit and am mistaken,sorry, idk, enlighten me.

Heyaaa!! first thank you so much for the compliment it means a lot to me ❤ but huge shout out to the anon who helped put it all in words like that.

Second, I think you’re completely spot on on everything you mention.

(Before jumping in the whole thing while i agree with all you say, i’ll just mention that one of the Guidebook, the Grey Arc one, mentions that Lavi joined the Bookmen at 6yo, and almost gets killed by a stray bullet when he was 7yo (the guidebook mentions he clang to Bookman’s hair when he was healing him, leading Bookman to say it’s Lavi’s fault they’re falling off now). So by all account despite this incident Lavi had a happy upbringing with Bookman, or well as much as the heartless Bookman training had to offer).

For Allen, yes, all you say is very true and it’s honestly super interesting to me? Allen’s life before Mana was hell. Hell, hadn’t Allen-the-dog died because he was beaten up anyway? The only happiness he had with that Dog was taken away by him likely by his abusers. Before Mana, he lived through hell. He was 7 when he met Mana and they were together only 3 years. That’s only 3 years of real happiness. And if anything we get from Cross’s memories chapter, is that it took Allen a long, long time to get over it (and while there’s camaradery between them, Cross’s teaching traumatized Allen to this day so. Poor guy went through a lot).

Mana seems to be the only window of time in which Allen was happy, and he doesn’t have anything else in his early memories that allow him to cling to that. tbh that’s also why the changes of names matter a lot with Allen. from “Red” because it was the color of his arm, something people insulted him for, it was either an insult he got too used to to correct since he didn’t have a name anyway, or seeing himself as nothing else than what made his monstruosity to others. To “Allen”, the name of the dog. Of the first being who showed him love and affection and who died unfairly. To then take on the “Walker” last name after he turned Mana as an Akuma, likely in a way to remind himself of him, to “Keep Walking” but also to remember everytime he hears his name of what he has done to Mana and his duty toward him. 

And you’re entierely right: Allen’s story was one of cynism and suffering who eventually ended up getting better thanks to Mana, and Mana’s loss and the guilt of turning him into an Akuma from Allen in the mindset of constantly trying to take it over his shoulders. 

It’s obviously not meant to disregard the others backstories, like you say- but it’s interesting bc even Kanda who had the most horrible early years in life had Alma, and Alma balanced out the horrors he had to go through, and he had him from the start. And the scientists were actually kind to the kids outsides of the experiments. (not excusing any of the shits they pulled the kids through- but it sure does contrasts with Allen’s past that had people abuse him for no reason).

Mana is the catalyst of Allen’s storyline in many ways: for being the first being who showed him kindness and changed his viewpoint of life, to then the grief of losing him shaping Allen’s future guilt that isolates him from others.

Had Allen not been able to create an Akuma for Mana, it’s to wonder how “selfless” he would have become. While I think that him wanting to smile, be cheerful, be kind, comes mainly for being raised by Mana- His selflessness, his self-sacrificing attitude, his way to distance himself emotionally from others all come from the fact he “betrayed Mana” by making him go through the Akuma making process. If Allen could have remained kind and sweet growing up, a lot of his worst habits may not have existed has the guilt from the Akuma not happened.

I think it would be the nuance of what Allen evolved into due to Mana’s raising him, and what Allen evolved into due to the grief of losing Mana and therefore forcing himself to wear his mask.

Had Mana not existed at all in Allen’s life, I don’t doubt he would have turned into a bitter person until someone showed love and care for him. Imo, Allen was someone who was starved for affection but was in an unsafe environment for it to happen, and he grew cynical. The only fact he cared this much about a dog being kind to him shows that he was already fundamentally a kind soul that was just unable to express himself and only bitterness remained. What Allen needed was someone kind to encourage this side of him. (and like you mention, Allen does agrees he longued for love, just didn’t know what it was beforehand)

I think Mana made Allen feel safe to be “gentle”.  He showed him how being kind and cheerful could help himself and others. Like a parent teaches his child to evolve in life in a way. Allen was only 7 after all, he was still young enough to learn, to be shaped by his experience.

“Mana’s mask”, that fake smile though, comes from Mana’s teaching pushed to the extreme after Allen’s guilt over Mana pushed him to push people away. 

So yes, you’re right: Allen’s journey was of cynism to cheerfulness. To determination to carry on. I think he had the potential to cheerfulness all along but just needed someone to push him in the right direction, and Mana was that push (but for that we need a little more “casual times between Mana and Allen between Allen’s 7 and 10 years old”). But the guilt and trauma of the Akuma!Mana incident pushed Allen to do this to the extreme, often at the detriment of his own feelings.

I believe his willingness to see the best for everyone comes from the Akuma!Mana incident as well. It is hard to believe that finding One Gentle Person after years of being abused would change Allen’s view this much. But i think seeing something like gentle and sweet Mana being turned into a weapon of Mass destruction, and then see this repeat itself with others people, knowing that Akuma were people just as desperate than he was, people who loved so hard, that they called onto a soul who hadn’t asked for it to be turned into weapon: would have Allen see that there must be something good into anyone. That if an Akuma, a weapon of mass destruction, could be just a suffering soul being chained into life because they were loved too much, then what about anyone else? 

I think understanding the Akuma the way Allen does have him reconsider the way he sees everyone else. That everyone has their chains that bind them to the world. That some of those Chains are heavy and can turn people into assholes to stand it, to stand this life they were chained into. But there’s still a soul behind the chains and Allen wants to believe in it. I believe it’s a way also to hold on to the last memories he has of Mana, to keep it as a positive figure in his mind, rather than an already twisted creature. And that’s why the humanity and salvation of the akuma is so important to Allen to start with.

By humanizing the Akuma to that extends, Allen can push his compassion to anyone else. So imo, i don’t think it would have happened had the Akuma!Mana incident not happened. It’s likely it is that bad in canon as well because of his eye only: perhaps if he only ever saw Mana, he would have developped differently, but seeing all those Akuma’s souls made it impossible for Allen to ignore it. The moment he sees a soul, he sees a story there; he sees a person who was loved too much and was chained back into life to commit horrors. And from that point on, I think that compassion just become a reflex.

So as such it makes sense Allen extends that to anyone else. Suman becoming a fallen told a story about why he became this way, of his relationship with the Innocence, of his suffering with it. Meeting the Light part of Tyki first had Allen sees all sides of him, and know that Tyki was duty bound to the Noah as well, and that people cared for him. And if Allen didn’t extend this compassion to Tyki per se, he would have had to the people who loved Tyki because he knows what loss feels like and he doesn’t want anyone to go through this.

I find it harder to word than i expected welp but yes, i agree with all you say, and y e there’s just. a lot to Allen. and imo his whole viewpoint comes from he sees Akuma to start with. Mana was his greatest influence in general.

allen breaks my heart ;;-;;

Take care!

[rorykillmore]

heather c: ☎, ✖ | kara: ☆, ☯, ✓ | heather mason: ☠, ✏

for heather chandler ;

☎ : List three or more people they would call out for during an emergency.

i think veronica is definitely the person heather trusts the most, at this point. she’s becoming a little lowkey overprotective of all of her friends (happens when most of them have had brushes with death) but definitely if she was dealing with some kind of like... personal or internal crisis, veronica would be the person she’d turn to.

for something more external, the obvious answer is ratchet -- maybe there are a lot of things she doesn’t tell him, but she can at least trust that he’s a good person who seems to care about her (which is further than she gets with most people) and he’s also... a fucking superhero, so. easy choice.

i think the third would probably be pretty... idk, circumstantial, heather is a cagey fuck and it’s amazing that she has two people she’d willingly turn to in dire circumstances to begin with. possibly jd if it was, again, something external, since they solved a fuckin demon murder together. maybe heather mac, although she’s another person heather c would not want to put in immediate danger -- but also they’ve known each other for a long time and i think when it comes to a Bad Situation there’s always some merit in turning to a person you know really well.

✖ : Describe a way to make them uneasy or apprehensive

while it may be difficult to intimidate heather in typical confrontation, she also… literally died and has not been willing to confront that outside of the occasional, flippant joke about it.  being afraid of dying wasn’t really something she ever had to consider before (as most teenagers, hopefully, don’t) let alone being murdered but... yeah that tends to leave a mark on you.

so obviously, denny’s tendency towards edgy people who will casually talk about fighting or killing is something she finds unsettling. that would be enough to put most people on edge, but she also finds herself reading into even more... subtle and sometimes even harmless moments as threatening, over-analyzing people’s behavior in a way she didn’t used to. she’s a lot warier of other people than she used to be,  so it’s not hard to set her off -- though even she can acknowledge that “what if this person tries to kill me” is usually the first place her mind goes when someone meets her hostility with hostility, and that’s kind of fucked up.

for kara ;

☆ : Would they ever wish upon a falling star? If so, what would they wish?

i feel like giving kara one free wish is like… probably the easiest way to make her conflicted. she’d be torn in way too many directions and would probably ultimately use it for something world-improving (or like… grapple with the possibility of bringing krypton back) rather than deciding to use it for anything personal but.

idk in a hypothetical situation where she would, there’s a lot of ways it could go, i guess. maybe she’d wish that ratchet or rey could be able to know their blood families, or that sasuke or j’onn could bring theirs back, or that ravage and the decepticons could find some peaceful place to recover and thrive after the war or that lena could feel how much she’s loved and appreciated no matter what her family’s like…

maybe she’d just wish astra was alive again. or her own mother and father. but then, what about clark’s parents? everyone else from krypton? isn’t that too small a wish? too selfish?

idk there are a lot of people with some pretty severe losses in kara’s life, not to mention so many of her own. you can see why it’d be a difficult decision.

☯ : Do they believe for every darkness there is a lightness? If not, why?

not as much as she… once did?  i don’t think kara would ever stop believing in the good in the world and in people in general, but she’s not quite of the mindset that it… all balances out anymore. or that there’s always good in every single person. at this point she’s kind of been burned a few too many times for that and i think it’ll eventually start to show on denny that she has a bit of a shorter fuse than she used to once she’s 100% around again. 

still, she’ll… always prefer a situation where someone is able to change over one where she has to stop them, so it doesn’t mean she won’t reach out if someone shows even a subtle capacity for that. she’s just tired of people using it as an excuse to be fucking horrible, at this point.

✓ : Name at least two people who can trust them with their life.

well first off there like. aren’t very many people who couldn’t safely trust kara danvers with their lives, but just speaking in terms of “who could trust her the most in general, who she’d give up the most for” – alex and lena, in canon. her sister and her best friend, respectively. also james and winn and j’onn and cat and clark, but those two have a very special place in her heart.

on denny the automatic top two are, of course, ratchet and sasuke! fucking goes without saying; they’re as much her family as anyone else has ever been. but i’m sure that answer surprised absolutely no one, so also rey and ravage, probably diana once tournamentplot concludes and they get more into their mentor/mentee relationship. 

for heather mason ; 

☠ : Are there any recent/daily thoughts they have about death or dying?

well she... still thinks about her dead father a lot, if that counts. it’s not the same kind of raw grief she was reeling over a year ago (except some days it is), but it’s hard to go a day without thinking about harry and how much she misses him. when it comes to something like a parent you were close to, i don’t know that that ever goes away.

her thoughts on actually dying are complicated and kind of... skewed by silent hill experiences and how bizarre her own particular circumstances are. but when it really comes down to it, that’s almost beside the point -- heather’s young, but she tends to get really intense about certain causes (like... vengeance, or protecting the people close to her).  she’s not afraid of dying when she’s that fixated - at least not up until the last moment - though... arguably on denny she does have more to lose than she used to. silent hills kind of made her grapple with that a bit.

✏ : What are their creative outlets?

she’s actually pretty decent at sketching and drawing, so she’ll usually go for that if she has some downtime and needs to keep herself occupied. maybe she and ed can collaborate on a big art project,

nah but i think she uses it as more of like... a venting thing or just a way to keep her busy and focused than a true creative pursuit, but it’s something anyway. she also plays a bit of guitar, but she likes listening to music more than anything else -- it’s her favorite tactic of drowning out the rest of the world when she feels she needs to, or when she’s just being a Sulky Teen.

[raskies456]

Gift fic for @dogebode and sequel to her work Beneath (read it!!!!!!)

Summary: Stanford Pines has let things go on for too long. Now he has his regrets.

Genre: Gen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort (well…not really comfort? idk), Angst with a Happy Hopeful Ending, Platonic Sibling Bonding, Oneshot

Chars: Stanford and Stanley Pines

Warnings: a LOT of self-loathing, mentions of alcohol, insomnia, feelings of intense guilt, anxiety, mild disassociation, briefly implied suicidal ideation, implied ideation towards self harm (this is mildly graphic), generally unhealthy mindsets

Wordcount: 4036

It was the beginning of January, and the expanse of the new year stretched long and foreboding before Stanford Pines. He sat in the darkened kitchen, one six-fingered hand curled around a glass of scotch, and yet he couldn’t quite find it in himself to dare a sip.

Come morning all of this would be forgotten—his brother would rise, well rested and happy, happier than he’d been for over thirty years, longer even—but not tonight. Tonight Stanley was down in the basement with his dreams broken and the one thing that kept him going for all that time stolen, and he was truly and utterly alone.

Not that Ford suspected he could do anything for him right now, confused as the man as, asleep—but that was a poor excuse for abandoning him—after all who knew what Stan might take it up in his head do? But Ford couldn’t bear to look, couldn’t bear to see the damage he had wrought, and as always was only thinking of himself and his own hurt rather than that of his brother.

Thirty years. It never really sunk in, even after the apologies were exchanged, even after Ford truly meant his thanks. The magnitude of spending almost eleven-thousand nights beneath the earth, task turning to habit turning to nature until it could no longer be disentangled from the man’s mind. Until Stanley Pines became nothing but getting his brother back. Nothing, which was just how Ford had treated him.

Because Stanford had been watching for months. Letting him go crawling about down in that basement, doing god knows what—writing, translating, rebuilding—all without breathing a word of it to him. Curiosity perhaps, or fear of Bill, drove his reticence, but no, it was more than that—Ford had wanted his own chance at being the hero, wanted to be the one to save his brother for once, wanted to receive, to earn, to deserve some praise of his own, and how better to do it than like this? Be the only one to suspect that the demon had survived and drive him once and for all out of Stanley’s head?

Oh he said he had learned his lesson, that he was okay with being the hero’s brother, but like everything, it was a lie. Not so much to Stan, though Ford had deceived him as well—add it to an ever growing list of sins—but to himself. Because he could not accept that he was jealous, petulant. Because he wanted to be good enough to be humble.

But Ford was not a good man, and perhaps never would be. Left his brother alone to mourn because he was too afraid to face the consequences of what he’d done. Wallowed in his own self-pity instead of trying to help. Gave up in the face of the impossible—what Stan did was impossible, impossible and costly and good—and while Ford had finally come to thank him for it he was not without that twinge of envy, a hint of resentment in knowing he would never be so heroic. Because for all of Ford’s mistakes the only thing Stan had done wrong was in thinking him worth saving. The only thing he had done wrong was mourning him now.

And he was mourning, no doubt about it—there was never a look more heartbreaking than the one Ford had seen last night, except perhaps that sad face staring up at him from the street all those years ago, abandoned, asking for one last chance…Ford had turned him away then, in his selfishness and anger, and yet the man had given up everything just to get him back. It was something, he felt, he could never truly apologize for, no matter how sorrow he felt, no matter how sincere he was—and perhaps he wasn’t even that. Because if he was sorry, truly sorry for who he was and what he’d done, he would have not let things go this far. He would not have considered letting them continue, and continue they might—what were the odds that Stan would return to the basement the next night, start building the portal up once more? That he’d forget its destruction, or worse still, remember? And what were the odds that Ford would let him do it all over again, stand aside and watch until tonight came once more? Over and over—work, hope, loss. Tragic, but allowably so—Stan was happy enough in the daylight hours, and could always be taken far to sea—wasn’t that enough? But Ford knew well enough these were only excuses, and his true motives were all too clear. He was afraid of intervening. He was afraid of doing the right thing. He was afraid—because it would mean telling Stan.

In the end, as with all things, Ford did it for himself. Decided he must tell Stanley, but only because he realized he could no longer deal with the lie. Could no longer cope with all the jokes and the grins and the forgiveness, because they weren’t meant for him but for the man he pretended to be, and that was a lie he couldn’t bear. So he confessed—not because Stanley deserved the truth, but because Ford deserved the blame.

The sun was beginning to melt the snow, big white sheets sliding off the roof with a thump—and Ford still hadn’t moved, still hadn’t even dared a sip of his scotch, glittering gold in the morning light. He heard the floorboards creak as his brother began to stir—never one for moving softly, even when trying to creep. The man’s climb up from the basement a few hours past had been loud enough, and in the faint shafts of moonlight Ford had caught the glint of tears upon his face…

He didn’t look up when Stan walked in now, though he could hear the man’s footsteps come to a sudden halt in the doorway. And then they were thumping purposefully across the kitchen floor, stopping only at the the other end of the table. Stanley’s shadow cut off the light playing upon the scotch.

“What’s eating you?”

It was good perhaps that Stan was so quick to see that something was amiss, could spy in his manner that hint of despair—it spared Ford the trouble of broaching the topic, watching the good humor melt from his brother’s face. And yet he couldn’t help but feel just a hint of chagrin—now there was no way out, no use in pretending he hadn’t just gotten up early to pour himself a drink.

And suddenly there was a silence filling the room, a pressure—it seemed ready to make Ford’s ears pop as he desperately recited the words in his head, staring all the while down at his glass. His hand, curled around it, looked strange—a little too wide—and for one second it didn’t quite feel like his own.

Neither did his tongue, stuck dry to the roof of his mouth, as he struggled to keep his voice steady, and even this sounded somewhat off, as if heard from a distance.

“Do you know,” he said haltingly, “about something called…somnambulism?”

Stan’s reply was immediate and loud, broke the pressure and made Ford start from his seat. “Somnambahoohaa?” He scoffed. “What are you—“

“Sleepwalking, Stanley,” Ford snapped, more suddenly and harshly than he would have thought possible. “Sleepwalking.”

“So what?” Ford gave a start as Stan plopped down in the chair across from him. “You’ve been walking around at night—it’s not your fault if you have bad dreams.”

Ford could only stare at him, though he almost felt like laughing. Almost, if the thought of finding humor in such irony didn’t twist his stomach into knots, make the skin around his neck prickle and jump. “Not me,” he said finally, though not without some bitterness. “You.”

Stan was silent for a brief moment, then shrugged. “Well it’s probably nothing, just a little restlessness, or—“

“Months, Stanley,” growled Ford. “It’s been going on for months.”

Well that certainly caught the man off guard, startled him into shocked silence, and Ford? He couldn’t help but feel slightly satisfied—he had managed to check his brother’s insouciance, prove his own fears right. Because even now Ford still felt that need to assert himself, to make clear that he was the one that knew more—after all, knowing things was the only thing he had left, and he was no longer even secure in this: Stanley had more than once surprised him with his understanding of physics, hard won from rebuilding the portal, and where Ford should have been proud he had merely turned to choosing larger and larger words to express his thoughts. More lies in a sense, more jealous deceit.

“Do you think it’s…him?” Stanley’s voice was quiet now, worried—maybe even afraid. But it was hard to tell—Ford’s understanding of the man was limited, and whenever he thought he had him figured he always found himself surprised, failed to grasp some unexpected depth of emotion.

“I thought so at first,” said Ford, shaking his head, “which is why…” He trailed off. Why I kept it a secret? It was an excuse, the same excuse he had told himself each and every night: that he wanted to avoid alerting the demon. Well he was afraid of Bill; but he was more afraid of the truth, more afraid to admit he said nothing because he wanted to finally solve something on his own.

“It’s the portal,” Ford continued, cutting off his own train of thought. “You spent every night for thirty years trying to run the thing—you really think there weren’t going to be consequences?”

“Like what, Ford?” snapped Stan. “The end of the world?”

“No—! I mean yes, but”—he searched desperately for the words—“that’s not what I’m saying.” Ford shook his head. “I just meant that it was a dangerous thing for you—“

“I know what you meant.”

Ford might not have been the best at reading Stanley’s emotions, but there was no missing the hostility in his tone. And for what? Did he really think his brother was going to lecture him on how foolish he had been? After all they’d been through? Ford felt indignant, attacked—his fingers squeezed the glass so tightly it was a wonder it didn’t shatter in his hand—but the feeling passed as quickly as it came.

Of course Stan was going to expect insult and ingratitude—after all they were the only things that Ford had ever really given him. Because that was all Ford was. Even now, even trying to tell the truth, he expected nothing but patience and understanding—as if he deserved it! Look how quick he was to anger, to play the injured party, to place his brother in the wrong. Look how much he thought of himself. Nothing had changed at all.

There was a look on Stanley’s face that night—not last night, weeping on the floor, but the night before. A gaze so full of hope and joy and love…for him. For the man whose first move was to punch his savior in the face. For the man who never said thank you. For the man who even now could only muster the urge to tell his brother that he was wrong, wrong to care so much. If only Stanley had left him in the nightmare realm to rot.

“Stan,” he said softly, not sure if he could be heard. He was not even sure if the man was still in the room—at some point Ford had gone back to staring at his glass, and could have missed his brother’s exit, lost in thoughts as he was. “Stan,” he said again. “You spent so long trying to get me back…so long that you’re doing it in your sleep.”

Silence. Dead silence, stretching long before him until he was certain he was completely alone. And then a soft voice. A question.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

If the force of Ford’s stare could break glass, his hand, trembling around his scotch, would have been torn to shreds. He almost wished it, to have the glass explode and splinter and most importantly end this conversation, all those little shards cutting through the tension like so much blood and flesh. But though his knuckles began to blanch nothing happened, not so much as a crack.

He took one breath, then another, hated how he could hear each and every rasp and quiver of his throat. It was difficult enough to maintain composure when lying, even harder to keep it when telling the truth. And he could not back out of it now, not when his distress stood so clear—any non-answer, any dodge would be suspected—why be so nervous if you were only going to say you didn’t want to alert Bill? But the inevitability of confession didn’t calm him, rather, he felt terribly exposed, powerless…perhaps almost as vulnerable as he had been when at the demon’s mercy.

“I…” Ford started, and it was hard enough to do as much, with his words dying in his throat. “I…thought I could handle it.” He found himself surprised at how much he had to fight to keep his voice from trembling—he was not one to cry, though now he was perhaps on the verge of it, even saying as little as he had. No, he had perhaps suggested a hint of overconfidence, and the shame of admitting defeat, but nothing more. Didn’t say that he valued his pride over his brother’s safety, or never appreciated Stan’s effort in bringing him home. Didn’t say that he regretted saying something now, or that he left the man down there to mourn. And certainly he didn’t say that two nights ago he had torn down the portal not only for reasons of safety or even concern, but because he had been just the slightest bit curious in seeing what would happen— whether the cycle would be broken or begin anew, and perhaps, just maybe, he had wanted to see how much Stanley would have missed him.

“And?”

Ford started in his seat a little—he had gotten distracted, caught in yet another spiral of out of control thoughts. It was altogether too easy too lose himself in guilty confusion, especially when it was preferable to speaking, because speaking was real, real and happening now, and real was more terrible than a thousand possible words.

Whatever he said now was made true. It could not be taken back. So he did his best to choose his words carefully.

“You rebuilt the portal in your sleep,” Ford began, measured, even. “And you” —he paused for a second—“finished it.”

These were just facts after all, presented with emotional distance. Without need for justification. There should have been nothing difficult in it—as easy as saying the sky was blue.

“So I took it apart.”

Silence. Stanley clearly expected him to go on, explain what had happened next, but Ford simply couldn’t. As much as he wished to admit his mistakes, whether for justice or merely because he could no longer live with them, the fact was he could not do it, could not even say he had seen his brother cry—made his brother cry, to be more accurate. It was a physical resistance, a tightening in his throat and a burning in his head, but most of all it was the utter conviction that if he dared speak, even move, the sky would rain down the hell, hell more terrible than all the nightmare realm.

Stanford knew, of course, that this wasn’t true, much as he felt it was. There was a part of him still rational, watching this all unfold, and it was the part he wished he could make speak. But his tongue belonged to the self that was terrified, and perhaps for good reason—because both halves of him knew well enough that he could not utter the next word without bursting into tears.

His lip was trembling even now—he caught it between his teeth, almost hard enough to draw blood, but why? What, after all, was so terrible in crying? Perhaps it was in appearing weak—Ford had his pride, his terrible selfish conceit that couldn’t even say thank you for fear of admitting he had needed help. And crying—well the man he pretended to be, that stoic, brilliant hero—would never have cried. He did not allow himself even the idea he might be vulnerable, or worse, reveal it to someone else.

But no, it was not merely a matter of pride. Losing face was one thing, but being pitied…The thought of inducing sympathy through his tears, the idea of being loved despite what he had done—it was all too much to bear.

After all he wasn’t here for forgiveness. To ask for pardon would be to add insult to injury, and accepting it would only go to show he hadn’t changed in the least—it was a cheap way to get out of his guilt, to tell himself he had done no wrong. He would be taking advantage of his brother’s desire to have them happy. He would be tricking Stan once more, and to do so was criminal.

So all Ford could hope for was anger. Mockery too, for crying, but genuine anger. Like it had been before, before he had erased all of his sins from his brother’s mind. The man Stanley knew now, after all, was built up from stories rather than truth, cast in too positive a light, a tale told by a liar. Ford had tricked him into thinking he was a friend, a person worthy of trust, someone there to help, perhaps even something of a muse…

“Stanford?”

“You missed me,” said Ford, and then there it was, a lifetime’s worth of regret come bubbling up through his throat. “And all I ever did was leave.”

Ford was the sort of person who talked, and he knew it. All the words would come gushing out of his mouth in a torrent and no one had the power to stop it. It would often be hours before he would slow down enough to notice how the eyes of his audience had glazed over, or, more often than not, that he was alone. He would then slink off, bitter, chalk it down as more proof that he was an under-appreciated genius, but more likely he had just been showing off as always, and people were merely giving him his due.

Well he was talking like that now, powered more by emotion than anything planned, fearful that if he dared pause he would lose himself in tears and become unintelligible. He quite possibly already was, judging by Stan’s lack of response, but maybe that was shock, horror at all the things he was saying. That he had allowed him to sleepwalk for months, out of curiosity and pride. That he had not spoken of it until the damage was done. That he had never truly appreciated what Stanley had done—scorned it even, out of jealousy and resentment. These things an more—he was not quite sure what he was saying or where he was going but the general trend of it was that he was bad, having done all these things and thought all these thoughts. So it took him a while to finish speaking, and when he finally stopped it was rather for choking on tears than truly running out of words.

All of this hadn’t make him feel better, at least—certainly there was no sensation of lifted weight—everything felt all the more heavy for being dragged out into the open air. If he had spoken from the selfish need to absolve himself, and he was certain he had, he had failed in this, and so much the better—at least he had enough of a conscience left to feel guilty at what he’d done.

Mostly, however he felt physically ill—his ears rang and his stomach squirmed ominously, his face lay slick with mucus and sweat. He had managed to flop over the table at some point, failing even to keep sitting upright, and he lay there blubbering for a good while.

What Ford was was pitiful, and it terrified him. More so that Stanley had not yet passed his judgement—the uncertainty hung low in the air, oppressive. Anxiety raised the hairs on his neck, set the skin of his back tingling, but it stayed his tears. He waited, felt the silence pressing down upon him, heard the faint shudder of his heart. Forgiveness or retribution. Sorrow or anger. Love…or hatred.

“Well Sixer,” said Stanley, “you’ve always been a drama queen, but this is ridiculous.”

Ford lifted his head in confusion. His brother certainly wasn’t trying to forgive him, but neither did he seem upset—not once had Stanford considered any other possible reactions and now he had been caught completely off guard, unprepared for whatever was happening now—he couldn’t quite get a grasp on it.

“You’re not…upset?” he whimpered, more in puzzlement than anything.

“About what?” huffed Stan. “Sure you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, as if that’s news.”

He pondered this for a second. He pondered it long and hard, but he simply couldn’t understand what his brother was saying—was he angry or not? The words were harsh yes, but not uncharacteristically so, certainly nothing out of the ordinary. But if Stanley wasn’t upset than he must be forgiving—and yet he had brushed Ford off with a casual insult.

“So you didn’t tell me about the sleepwalking or whatever,” Stan continued. “Would’ve been nice if ya did earlier, but…” He shrugged. “I think you might have even said something about it anyway, if my memory’s to be trusted. Even if you didn’t, well, it’s certainly nothing to cry over.”

“But…” Ford trailed off, understanding, but not really comprehending. For all his fearful thinking, all that time he spent with his mind running over each and every outcome he could imagine, spinning out all the ways this conversation could have gone, he had never once considered the possibility that Stanley would not consider his transgressions severe. Because they were severe—he was certain of it, they must be. How could someone possibly look at him and all he had done and not loathe him, or at least not see that he was inherently bad? Perhaps Ford had managed to trick his brother so thoroughly that even in the face of indisputable proof Stan saw nothing ill in him—perhaps Ford was taking advantage of him still. The man desperately wanted reconciliation, wanted to be happy, wanted the brother he deserved…he was in denial, that was certain—Ford had used him like the monster he was. That was definitely the case, surely must be the only explanation…

“So what are we gonna do about it?” said Stan, still unbothered, casual. “Got any nerdy solutions to the whole solemn-nap walking thing?”

“Well, not really, but…” Ford stammered for a second as he realized his brother had switched topics, and he had been only happy to go along. But the matter remained, it had to be dealt with.

“You really don’t think I…?”

Stan sighed. “What do you want me to say Ford, that you’re a bit of a dick?” He shrugged. “So you might’ve not told me something you should’ve. As for the rest—you really think I don’t know already? Most of it’s just human nature and only an overly-dramatic asshole would worry himself over it.”

Ford might have raised his voice to protest again, would have, if he could, but his words caught on an all too familiar lump of the throat—he sniffed and his vision began to grow blurry.

“Are you gonna drink that scotch or—“ Stanley paused. “Aww fuck,” he said. “You’re not gonna start crying again, are you?”