#but sometimes i find myself wanting to get back at people

[lilacstarx]

ੈ♡˳ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧?

PAIRINGS: Zayne, Xavier, Rafayel (seperated) x GN Reader

SYNOPSIS𐙚 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚙 𝚌𝚘𝚙𝚢

𐙚[WARNINGS]: Reader is called wife at zayne’s part, Reader Is not Mc, Mentions of flirting, mentions of marriage at zayne, reader is a hunter at xavier’s part, reader has a niece at rafayel’s part, Reader is describe as ‘you’, angst if you squint, fluff

𐙚 Author’s Note: I love them so much (i quit the game)

⚝ 𝖅𝖆𝖞𝖓𝖊

It was one of the rare moments when Zayne, your lovely husband for a few years now, treated you out for dinner lately. He had been busy with work, and he even apologized multiple times for going home late, but you insisted that he should get it done rather than later. At the end of the day, he will go home with you per your reasoning that he bought.

You both sat at a restaurant that had recently opened, wanting to visit this place for sometime after spotting it on your usual morning run.

Fortunately, your husband was given the day off due to the numerous nights that he pulled. "I'm beginning to think that you need a doctor yourself, hubby!" You murmured sarcastically as he pulled the chair from the table he reserved on the window side.

"I'm perfectly taking good care of myself, my dear jasmine" zayne spoke, leaning down to give your forehead a kiss from the side before guiding you to sit, giving your back one last caress before he sat at the opposite side facing your beautiful face, "you look lovely, my dear." Zayne notes that husbands should compliment their wives on a daily basis.

"Sweet talker" you replied sassily as you scan the menu that was laid out. Zayne could only hum admiring your features that he loves looking at before he took a look at the menu ready to order. It was midway through dinner as he listen to you talk about the stray cat you've been feeding every morning at the corner of a park.

Would you mind if he zoned out for a little admiring the dress that you wore that matched the necklace and earrings that he bought? Zayne felt satisfied knowing your his

Not until you stopped talking for a minute and took a bite of the food you ordered did Zayne irk his brow. That is not the ring he gave you and bought for you. No, he bought you a big, pristine diamond that fit perfectly in your fingers. What he was looking at was a glass ring that should have made your fingers fall off.

"Earth to hubby?" you questioned, waving a hand in front of his eyes. He kept staring at something you couldn't tell what it was, making you feel small and anxious. He jerks back, blinking and lifting his brows at you. "That's not the ring I remember placing on your finger, wife. Care to explain?"  He spoke the same tone as he scolds patients for not taking the prescribed medication that was given.

You blinked a couple of times, the table was suddenly silence, and you were thinking of a way to lie your way out. "Wife time is ticking" Zayne adds, using his hand to grip your chin and facing your eyes at him. It was threatening and hot at the same time.“okay, fine a week ago i got pulled over”

Zayne only hummed, demanding more information about the situation "and i wanted to see if i could flirt my way out" you mumble the last few lines before continuing "and i took my ring off i lost it somewhere at the car i couldnt find it anymore" Zayne removes his hand from your chin, unsure if he would be mad or amused "I'm sorry hubby i know it was wrong but i should have told you sooner"

Glad to hear Zayne was understanding a little after getting a few pointers there, and the good news is that he found the ring under the carpet of your car by accident. The bad news is that you now have two copies of diamond rings.

⛧ 𝖃𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖊𝖗

Being a hunter is a risky career, but even that you enjoyed everything about protecting people and playing the hero, it may also be an excuse for the rage that you have within your soul.

Sometimes when you are injured from the previous mission, you get assigned to desk work and do minimal tasks, and the pay is great. 

Recently, you've been ignoring Xavier during spare time and at the apartment, making up reasons. Of course, being a good partner, Xavier shrugs it off at first, continuing to go on dates with you. Nothing has changed except when you're at work.

And the heavens above emptied your luck being paired up at an upcoming mission with Xavier; in truth, youve been ignoring him for a silly little thing. 

Recently, he gifted you a cute tassel to go at the end of your weapon, a cute symbol of the blooming relationship, so like the good significant other, you are promising to keep it safe. 

"There you are, I've been looking for you, and Tara said you went out" Xavier interrupts, sitting beside you at the seat, following your line of vision as the children ran around at the park. "I needed fresh air" you say taking a piece out of your sandwich from a nearby food truck.

"Seems like you're avoiding me" Xavier says. In your peripheral vision, you can see a slight pout at his lips. "No, I'm not" you answer.

“Yes, you are”

“No, i’m not” Xavier huffs leaning back at the bench “did i do something wrong?”

“No”

“Then why are you ignoring me?”

"I'm not just busy" you say, defusing the situation, leaving a contented hum when you hear him answer "okay"

The assignment was a quick and easy one, a regular abandoned place reportedly along the way, and you had to split up for a better insight into the location by pressing the communication device to chat with your teammate. "The place is cleared," you stated, and a slight crack echoed through the halls.

You moved down the hallway, drawing your weapon. "Hello?" You speak cautiously about every step you take till you reach the end and hear a little meow near the fallen plank.

"Awh poor kitty, let's get you rescued" crouching as you lift at the board where the cat's body was caught, unforeseen a swift and clean slash from behind you and the kitty was heard, you could only see the body of the wanderer as it disappeared.

"Xavier" you say "you let your guard down" he interrupts drawing back his sword gazing at the cat in your hands giving him an ashamed expression "let’s get out of here" you say giving him the cat picking up the weapon your that was on the ground

"That's not the tassel I gave you" Xavier replies, pointing to the end of your weapon. Perhaps replacing the cute chain tassel with a cheap imitation was horrible.

𖤓𝕽𝖆𝖋𝖆𝖞𝖊𝖑

Youve always been supportive of rafayel even if he is dramatic, but what can you say? You like drama, and it appears you are dating one. 

A skilled artist who portrays emotions.

Before he met you, sleep was not a friend. He paints till the colors he has in stock run out. His studio was a mess, but strangely creative. There was something about the colors being mixed together. Anyway, the point was

He gave your life a colorful meaning, making you laugh while witnessing his teasing and the ups and downs he shares with you. You loved every bit of it, willing to accept the imperfections as he did with you.

So here you are walking back in Fort at the changing room, worrying about looking for the pearl necklace he gifted and wanting you to wear to tonight's art exhibit. He likes having you there, even when you know the spotlight will be on him and his art.

You can't just cancel tonight; he expects you to arrive. You take a look at your apartment one last time, looking for the box with the pearl necklace inside. You sit at the coach exhausted. If you could turn the apartment upside down, you might find it, but to your luck, there was nothing.

“Where did I put that?” you murmur, hitting the coach pillows. After a few minutes of whining and stressing, you see the bead set your niece left, raising your brow. An idea pops into your head.

You rush out of your apartment, locking the door properly. You see a car’s driver, Rafael, who would be picking you up to drop you off at the venue per his request as he had to go early at the place. 

Luckily, his assistant snuck you out away from the flashing lights of the paparazzi. The event hasn't started yet, and people outside are waiting. A few journalists and rich people are ready to bid. 

You find him in a room you assume he was able to finish touching up and resting. “I missed you,” you say. Rafayel eyes you up and down as you give him a twirl of your fit.

"Excuse me?” he replies sarcastically, gazing at you like one of the mean girls. "What do you not like it?" you say, defending your clothes and laying a hand on your chest dramatically.

"Oh, stop! Even the jelly fishes can see through you and your fake pearls!" He adds, scoffing at you for taking offense, before pulling out a box you know all too well.

You gasp in shock. “You mean, jerk! You had it the whole time!?” Pointing fingers at him, “do you have any idea how many times I searched for that?” 

"Obviously, I could tell” rafayel replies, his fingers caressing the fake pearls from your neck. "I can't have this; it would look bad for the both of us.” 

“If you had told me sooner, maybe I would have gotten here earlier.” You snap back, taking off the necklace you made. 

"Oh, please, you were too drunk to remember leaving it at my studio” he clicks his tongue, pointing fingers at you like you did to him. He pats his lap, ordering for you to sit. “Come here, let me put the original and better one” Rafayel says. 

© ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ, ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴇᴅɪᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ/ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴀɴʏ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs. ʟɪᴋᴇs, ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs, ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ.

[sanzaibian]

I look at my watch, it’s already 3 PM. He is one hour late, although I feel that he’s not as much late as he is not coming.

I sigh, and go back to the locker room. I wanted to surprise him by waiting in the lobby shirtless, but after so much time loitering and being told off multiple times by the staff, I guess I must cut my losses. I knew that he wasn’t all that fussed about me wish for a second date in the gym, even if he seems to be a health nut, but still, ghosting me like that really hurts…

As I walk next to the mirrors in the locker room, I look at my body.

Honestly, with a body like that, guys should be drooling and yearning to be my boyfriend ! Yet, when I go on Grindr to find dates, I can only find people who will take me for a quick fuck, and never agree to anything further along… And this is why, no matter how fat my muscles are, how much hair is dusted on my body, how symmetric my face is, or just… how conventionally attractive to a gay audience I may be, I find myself waiting for a whole hour for a prince charming who will never come.

With a disappointed face, I walk towards my locker. By now, it’s no use to try and squeeze in an actual workout in addition to that whole hour full of variants of nothing – not that I really want to work out at all. However, as I reach my locker, I suddenly notice Ilham standing there in gym clothes, that he has presumably just put on.

I guess you can call him a friend ? In the barest of sense ? We do talk sometimes, only the bare minimum, but he’s always the one who leads the conversation… Well, you can’t fault me he’s so ridiculously hot without even trying, it makes me feel self-conscious even when I look how I look ! And, as if on queue, he notices my gloomy expression, and immediately confronts me about it.

“Hey Vítor ! Good workout ? Why do you look so sad like that ?” He asks, way too energetic for the situation. - Ah, it’s nothing, I had a gym date, but I was ghosted…” I answer succinctly. I don’t want to dwell on it too much. - Oh…” I can almost see the gears turning in his head, as he tries to makes sense of what I say, before he gets it. “Oh ! I’m so sorry, bro ! What a bitch to abandon you like this ! Ya know, I know a few girls I could hook you up with, I’m sure they wouldn’t do that ! - I’m sorry, girls won’t do.” I smile at his answer. “Once again, I’m gay ! - Sorry bro, I forgot again ! I swear I can make up to you !” He apologies.

He’s Azerbaijani, and due to how homosexuality is seen over there, he has a really hard time conceiving of masculine gay people. But he tries, and that’s by far the most important.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry ! But I won’t hold you up too much, especially since I already butchered my workout by waiting for him.” I urge him, as I do want to come home sooner than later. - Oh, too bad… then see you next time, bro ! Have a good afternoon ! - Have a good workout !”

He smiles to me while I wave him goodbye, visibly trying to empathize with me, before leaving the locker room in a small trot. This is how far our “friendship” goes, just simple courtesy when we see each other in the gym, which isn’t often since I don’t have a lot of time to go in the first place, and nothing beyond. I could likely try to deepen our relationship, but I feel we don’t actually have much in common, since he’s much more of a social butterfly than I’ll ever be, no matter how eager he may seem to get to know me, with all of these allusions of making me meet people or inviting me to parties.

Finally reaching my locker, I open it and find inside all my regular clothes, my phone and my other belongings, as expected. However, I also find a small piece of paper inside.

Curious, I examine it, and notice that there are actually stuff written on it. Handwritten. A secret message ? In the gym ? That’s weird…

It reads :

“You with no name and no house, do not forget who you are.”

I try to find a signature of any kind, but I do not find anything but this… warning ? poem ? I don’t really know what it’s supposed to be…

But whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to have much substance. I guess it’s not that important for me to take further notice of.

I stick the piece of paper inside my bag and take my clothes. I’m happy to have thought of taking two sets of clothing, since with loitering this long in the lobby, the staff needs to see me leaving, even if it originally was in order to have something to wear for the after-workout date. So I change, I stock everything in my bag, and leave the gym, bidding farewell to the staff at the same time.

Once I’m out of the gym, I look around to find somewhere secluded enough. I wouldn’t want to do anything in public, after all. So I walk around a bit, until I find a public bathhouse, in which I enter, since it is perfect for what I’m about to do.

See, I have quite a big secret… or rather, you know the secret, but you don’t know why it is a secret…

Suddenly, my muscles start mellowing out, my abs fading, while the rest seem to deflate. My pecs start retreating inside my body while my shoulders narrow, losing at the same time all the muscle mass making them fuse into my neck. My v-line disappears, my calves and my arms thin out, and I’m losing mass all round. At the same time, the light dusting of hair on my torso starts thinning out, just like my big beard, losing loads of length until only a few short hairs on my lip and on my chin remain. My hair also grows wildly, covering my forehead in messy coiled hair, losing any order it may have had. And as both of these processes come to an end, I lose a few centimeters of height, while my face rearranges to become more square, my facial features arrange themselves in a less symmetrical way, until it all becomes… well… not a model’s face, just a normal guy’s face.

Here is the secret : the guy that was in the gym wasn’t the real Vítor Nunes. This is the real Vítor Nunes. Just a normal guy, a bit skinny-fat, a bit twinky, a bit nerdy, but most of all an unremarkable guy. And that normal unremarkable guy gets out of his big clothes to go into his small clothes, complete with jeans and a red t-shirt. When everything is secure, I go back out to the street to head to the cafe I go to every time after the gym.

I think I owe you an explanation.

The way I look right now is the way I always looked – well, minus aging. However, one day, about a year ago if my memory serves me right, I suddenly gained the ability to transform. I still don’t know what caused it, but all of a sudden, when I concentrate, I can change my body to reflect what I have in mind.

Of course, I’m gay, so my first instinct when I discovered this gift was to give myself big muscles, and so they magically grew. God, I loved it, it was so exciting to see my muscles swell in the mirror, it’s really a one-of-a-kind experience ! However, this is also when I learned of the limits of this power : it’s actually really uncomfortable to maintain another form for too long, especially when it’s quite far from my normal form. If you have that experience, it’s a bit like when you are in high heels, everything starts to become tricky to do (don’t ask me how I know that). That’s why when I tried to become a woman, it was so uncomfortable I could barely remain like that for a few seconds before I made my boobs go away. Therefore, while I have access to a very hot persona, I can’t maintain it forever, meaning it’s not actually that useful aside from some kind of party trick.

However, the temptation was always too strong.

I used to be a virgin, both in sex and in romance, and the dream of prince charming was a reoccurring one, especially for someone as lonely as I am. However, with this power, I could spend some time in another body, in a body in which I could look like god amongst men. And so, the Vítor Nunes you saw, the one well-thought out to be as attractive for gay men as I could think of, was born. And it’s using his body that I lost my virginity in what could be its own sub-story.

But it never went beyond that, a quick one-night stand, even though I looked very hot and not very picky. I don’t even know what I am doing wrong ! Like, sure, when I’m on dates, the other guy always wants to directly fuck, but still ! Suddenly, someone hails me.

“Hey ! Vítor ! You hear me ?”

I’m jerked out of my thoughts, and quickly cobble an answer.

“Oh, er… hey, Satoshi ! I… didn’t notice you here ! - Well, I noticed.” He answers me, dryly.

He’s always been quite dry with me, and I don’t know why. We go to the same university, and are in the same curriculum in writing, although most of our classes reflect our different paths throughout this degree. So we talked in the few classes we had in common, but nothing more, really. I guess he’s the closest person I could classify as a “friend”, and even that is a stretch. Recently, though, he’s been acting quite weirdly. I know that he’s started attending the gym, and he’s also bleached his hair. I wonder if he is trying to impress someone or what...

“What are you doing in this part of town ?” He asks me. - Oh, I… I was just at the gym, I want to be healthier, you see…” I half-lie, hoping he will be convinced. - I see…” He looks at me, squinting. He doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, what matters is that you become the real you. Now, I’m sorry, but I need to go. Bye.”

What ? What was he mumbling ? I look at him as he continues his way opposite to where I’m heading. He seems to be in quite the hurry, I wonder where he’s heading… Recently, he hasn’t got a lot of time, I always find him almost avoiding talking to people, and always disappearing once class is dismissed. Is gym this much of a time-eater or does he also have something I don’t know of ? … N-not that it interests me this much, of course, that’s his own private life !

Ugh… To save myself from my own thoughts, I enter the cafe and go at the back of the file. When I’m finally at the counter, I go to order, before the woman behind the counter, Sandra, recognizes me. I’m a regular at this cafe, after all.

“Hey Vítor, I didn’t expect you this early ! - Yeah, I had something to do with someone, but he never showed up.” I once again lie by omission, though I admittedly give her a more accurate picture. - Oh, I’m so sorry for you !” She brings her hand on her mouth to empathize with me. She’s always been very expressive. “But speaking of people not showing up, I’m guessing you want an americano, like usual ? - Yes ?” I answer, unsure where she’s heading with this. - Well that’s great ! Because a kind soul actually bought you one !”

Smiling, she gives me an already prepared americano, to which a piece of paper is attached, that I take with a confused look.

“And… to whom I owe the honor ?” In ask her. - Well, that person asked to remain anonymous ! But they told me that you should be able to piece together who they are thanks to this piece of paper I attached !” She answers, radiating in glee. Yeah, she also loves drama. - Okay… well, give them my thanks if you see them, I guess…”

I wave her goodbye and take place at an outside table. Another piece of paper ? It must be a coincidence, the consequences of it not being are way too scary for me to dwell on too much. Yet, when I read it, these consequences seem more and more like reality…

“For you really have a beautiful self, especially when you show your true face.”

It’s the same handwriting as the note I found at the gym ! Plus, when putting the two pieces of paper, it really does seem to be directly talking about my transformations… But who is it, and what do they want from me ? How did they find out about my secret ? And why this sudden… flirty tone ?

I sigh, and quickly drink my coffee. Due to the fact that it has already been prepared, it means that it’s a bit colder than usual, meaning it’s easier to drink. Wait… if it’s barely colder than usual… does this mean that the one having ordered it was here barely a few minutes ago ? But if it’s so, then how could they have slipped another piece of paper inside my locker ?

The caffeine starts hitting my brain, making me mull over the facts and imagine who could be the one to deliver these notes. Whoever they are, they seem to know my routine, since they knew that I would go to this cafe after the gym. It means that it’s very likely someone I know, or at least someone whose face I have already seen. They also have been witness to one of my transformations somehow, so they’ve likely hung out at the gym… or been one of my earlier dates perhaps ?

Everything is confusing, I just cannot find a way to make sense of all of that ! And… what will happen now that my secret is revealed ? Am I suddenly going to become a lab rat, as my weird condition is revealed to all ? Am I going to have to perform weird or even illegal tasks to stave off outing of my power ? Am I going to be recruited by a criminal organization in order to perform heists as an unknown person ?

Looking at my empty cup, I understand I’ve now gone too far in my thoughts. I’m likely not going to be coerced by a criminal ringleader to commit crimes. That’s ridiculous.

I dispose of my cup and head home. I’ve seen enough today, and I really need an actual break. So I take the bus, a few connecting ones until I’m finally back where I live. Before entering, I quickly go to check if there’s anything in the mailbox. And as if on queue, there is, some random account statements and other official stuff… and another of those papers.

They know where I live ! Now I can actually be scared ! For sure they’re going to make me do crimes or intern me inside a research center, I know it ! Shaking, I take out the piece of paper, and read it. It is written with the same handwriting as the others, so it confirms the fact that they do know a lot about me, but… er… eh ? Here is what it says :

“You are always worthy of love, so never forget the above.”

Wait wait wait, from the beginning, the flirty was what it was all actually about ? It is a love declaration ? … I guess it does rule out the criminal possibility… So who could it be ?

Thinking about it… It can’t be Sandra at the cafe, her shift wouldn’t let her go in the gym when I was there, and she was the one saying that they bought the coffee and left me the message. It can’t be Satoshi, although he could have bought me coffee, he couldn’t put the message in my locker, since I didn’t see him entering the gym, and he was actually walking towards the gym when I saw him. Plus, he’s so dry with me I’d think he hates me before I’d think he loves me. It can’t be Ilham, although he could have put his message in my locker before I entered, he’s currently at the gym, so he couldn’t buy me coffee. Plus, to my knowledge, he’s straight, and he’s still learning English, so he couldn’t have written such a complicated “poem”.

And I didn’t see anyone else during my little trip, so it could literally be anyone else !

But wait… looking back at the three pieces of paper, of the sequence they put together… it reminds me of something… I open my door and quickly make my way to my computer. I need to check something. To check a certain creative writing homework I had in first year.

And finding it… yes. I was correct. This is directly taken from it. The homework we did in duo back in first year of college. It’s weird… is it… really him ?

I close back up my computer, put down all of my stuff while continuing to mull over this revelation. But all of my thinking leads me to one conclusion and one only : I need to call him. So I take out my phone and do just that.

“Hello, Vítor ? Why do you call me ?” He asks, picking up almost immediately after me calling. - I just wanted to ask… do you remember our creative homework, back in first year ? - Yeah, I do, of course I do. - And… have you recently used it for anything ?”

I hear a sigh. Of course I was right.

“So you understood that it was me. I think we both have things to say to each other, so let us meet. - I guess we do.”

And so I go back out of my house, back to where it all started. Back to the gym. I walk for a bit, take a few buses, and when I’ve finally arrived, none other than Satoshi was waiting for me in front of the gym.

“Hello again, Satoshi.” I hail him. “So, you said we had to discuss ? - Yes. Let me be clear at first : I know that you have a muscular alter-ego that you can become. I don’t know why, or how, but I know you do. - How… did you know ?” I ask, a bit anxious, while he smiles at my question. - Well, you see… since the beginning of the year, you’ve been quite absent, and it made me quite worried.” He began recounting, feeling in his way of speaking way more personal and warm. “Honestly, while at first I thought to myself that you can have your own life, and that I shouldn’t interfere with it, your presence started to feel… missing.”

Huh, I didn’t know that I turned him down this much when I discovered my power. I thought that everything was just going as usual, only talking while in public transports and all… Yeah, I guess since I started going to the gym to get hookups, I changed my route after class, meaning that it overlapped less… I didn’t consider that…

“So, one day, I decided to follow you. Discreetly, of course, until you went to that gym. I… I didn’t know why you would go in there, but following you, I saw you entering a changing room… and out left a muscular man. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that it was you. - So this is how you understood that I had powers… - Yes. But this is not the end of my tale. Because I then thought of why I cared so much about you not being available. It wasn’t the first time someone would more or less abandon me out of the blue like that, but it was the first time I was this agitated. Especially because our relationship wasn’t that deep, all things considered. This lead me to the conclusion that I… er... want to spend more time with you, and made me realize that… in truth… er…” He blushes, suddenly trailing off and having a hard time to articulate clearly. “That… that I’m in love with you.”

Although I expected it, I still blush. He’s so straightforward ! And… it’s so unexpected, all things considered ! I guess I still had in mind the possibility that he was just trying to hype me up, somehow ?

“And what really angers me most,” He continues “is that you are overt there trying to be as ‘masculine’, as ‘beautiful’ or anything else to woo people, even though you’re already great the way you are ! And how you sabotage yourself by catering to this image of yourself you invented, going to the gym and all…”

I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ve been really focused in being as much of a gym rat as I could, else my cover would be ridiculous…

“Is it like that ?” I can finally manage. “That people don’t bye the muscular self I have ? - No. I- I don’t think that’s it. It’s more that you do it too well, so they don’t see you as anything more than a gym rat. I guess it all feels wrong and not personal, because it’s not you ! You’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not ! B-but… since I have the privilege of knowing who you really are… I want to say that the real you is more. It’s beautiful, and warrants love…” He says, blushing even more. - H-how are you saying this with a straight face…” I answer, smiling, while being swept by the wave of awkwardness he radiates. - I’m not… But I really want to tell you what things really are. Because you deserve it.” He takes a large inspiration. “So. Do you want to go out with me ?”

By now, I fully knew what was coming.

And I know my answer.

“Yes, I do.”

“Hey, I’m home !” I announce, coming back home.

However, I do not find any answer to my call, even though Satoshi is supposed to come to my house this evening. He’s likely not there yet, I’m sure taken by his work, meaning that it’s going to be at least a small while until he makes it here.

I smirk. I know what to do to him. He will hate that, but it will be way too fun an opportunity to pass up. So I go to my room, completely undress, and take out some of the special clothes I still have stashed in the corner of my cupboard. In particular, I take out a very big par of jeans, the kind that would usually never fit me.

Then, all of a sudden, I feel my muscles tense up. They’re pulsating, getting progressively bigger and bigger. My pecs are the most noticeable of all of them, rounding up and sagging down in big globes attached to my torso, but everything else gains in mass. My shoulders crack as they’re pushing apart, muscles growing between them and my neck, and a light dusting of black hair starts appearing on them. They descend all over my body, on my torso, beneath my armpits, in my crotch, and on my legs. My crotch also embiggens, the hose hiding inside taking more and more place, while on the rear side my ass cheeks firm up, and gets bigger just like the pecs upstairs.

As it all happens, my face also itches, as the little hairs that are on it start growing, elongating my face at the same time. These hair grow all over my chin into a long beard, while on my lip they only grow denser. At the same time, my face rearranges to become more conventionally attractive, more symmetrical, and my hair starts shortening a bit, and becoming more well-kept.

As the last few details of my transformation arrange themselves, I put the large jeans on, not even bothering to put on underwear before that. Yup, that’s very sexy alright, he’s gonna hate that ! And so my muscular self takes place in the living room, waiting for his beloved to come.

Because this time, I know my prince charming will come.

================================================

Hey ! A story (that was again hard to write) for the last few hours of Pride Month, if it's even still on in your part of the world ! ^^'

I hope we in the TF community can recognize all the colors of the rainbow and all the letters of the acronym, including bi (and similar identities) and trans people ! And I also hope that we can all help to build, each to our ability, a better and more tolerant world (especially in the face of the rise of hateful ideologies around the world, yes I'm quivering at the results of my elections ^^')

So yeah, happy pride, everyone !

[mumms-the-word]

Don’t mind me just musing out loud

There are so many good things about being part of a vibrant and talented community like the bg3 fanfic community but sometimes it’s hard not to compare myself to all the amazing writers out there

I think I’ve just hit a kind of wall and probably need a break but the last several days I feel like everything I’ve written has been flat, soulless, generic, and dull

But when I think back on my style, I don’t know that I’ve ever been particularly poetic or flowery or sensual or any of the things that are more popular. I think I’ve always been a little flat and I just breeze through scenes? I know I tend to write more than necessary, too, but that’s a chronic issue with me in general (I do it when I talk or write academic stuff too). I guess I just write so much that I’ve lost the ability to make sense of my own style and why it might be appealing to anyone.

I’ve been pretty good about just writing out stuff and posting it, to get into the habit of writing every day, and I have definitely managed to nail the “write every day” thing. But if I think about my personal writing style, I don’t know if it’s…good? It’s clean, maybe. Uncomplicated. Simple. But good? Idk.

And maybe it shouldn’t bother me but it does. I’ve wanted to be a published author my whole life. I’ve been chipping away at books I want to send to agents. Me posting fic on AO3 is/was partly to gauge whether people would find my style appealing or not. And while I haven’t exactly studied the numbers on my account (I couldn’t tell you how many people bookmark my stuff or anything) and I don’t care that much about the notes on tumblr, I still find myself sitting here thinking that my writing is “just okay”

Which should be fine but idk

The experiment has lost its luster, I think, and I’m left sitting here wondering what I learned from it

Should I try to change my style? Should I post less and only post the things I think are amazing? I don’t like either idea honestly. Tumblr has consistently shown me that people will be drawn to the most random stuff I post whereas the stuff I work on for days will get passed over quickly. It’s next to impossible to tell what people will really enjoy

So I guess I’ll just keep posting everything that seems relatively done and interesting. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be convinced any of it is good, though. Maybe that’s the imposter syndrome. And maybe I’m just an okay writer. I don’t think I’d mind being an okay writer if I just knew for sure that’s what I was, but instead I’m left feeling like I’m not living up to my potential yet unsure how to improve

not to mention that “working to improve” sounds like it would take the fun out of writing a bit and idk, I don’t want writing to feel like a chore. I still want it to be fun. So…hmm

Anyway I don’t know where I was going with this

Just typing it all out to try and get it out of my skull and sorted out

[ryuichirou]

More dark hcs

We have a bunch of asks about some dark-themed hcs, I’ll try to reply to everything today. As always, it took me ages, but I am still grateful for these asks. Thank you to all the Anons in this post!

Ships mentioned in this post: Ortho/Idia (Igni mob/Idia), Floyd/Idia, Jade/Idia, Trey/Idia, Trey/Vil

Anonymous asked:

Do you have yandere headcanons for tweels? Or they are not much different in your opinion?

In terms of darkness and fucked-up-ness, they really aren’t very different; I feel like every single hc list we have for the tweels is somewhat dark, but! A yandere is a bit different because yandere’s actions are motivated by obsessive love and devotion.

And I am not saying that Jade and Floyd with their “now I’m interested, now I’m not” personalities can’t get obsessive, but it’s a bit more tricky for me to think about them in this scenario. But “tricky” doesn’t mean “impossible”, so yes, I do in fact have some yandere headcanons for them! I hope I don’t repeat myself though, sorry if I do.

The target of their obsession in this list is Idia, I hope this is okay with you.

Alright, let’s go then:

Anonymous asked:

Just to complete all of Idia’s evil exes, how about headcanons for the Tweels and Trey as yanderes for him (Sorry, Idia, I swear I do love you 😭)

(Idia deserves all the love, especially if it’s obsessive, Anon….)

Jade+Floyd/Idia:

The more Idia tries to avoid them, the more obsessive they become. They didn’t mind him paying attention to other people and doing other stuff at first, but the more Idia openly avoids the Tweels, the more they want him. At first they just started to get clingier: Floyd literally started touching and hugging Idia all the time, Jade – texting Idia every other minute and cooking for him. It was almost funny and cute at first (not to Idia though): it’s as if Idia just got two love interests at the same time!

One day they would just break every single gadget and machine in his room. For no reason other than they really wanted his attention, and he didn’t give it to them. Of course, Idia would be absolutely distraught after that, but it’s okay, they are here to cuddle him while he is having a panic attack. Or haze him more… these two are such childish jealous brats sometimes. They might even dispose of Ortho if there is “no other choice” for them.

Sometimes they get jealous of each other too, but it’s mostly just Floyd getting fussy. Still, it was Jade’s suggestion to start marking Idia’s body just so they each know which part of him belongs to whom. Sometimes they start arguing about it, but it’s for a show: they know that Idia gets nervous and scared because of that, so if they poke him enough, he might start promising things! Like, maybe he’d give one part of his to Jade first, but then give it to Floyd… what other things Idia could promise them? They wonder.

DMMD Virus and Trip Ending. If you know, you know. If you don’t know: I think they would kidnap him at some point and keep him as their plaything. Sometimes they would take turns, sometimes they would have sex with him together, sometimes they would just sit there and talk about how everyone else is doing while Idia is stuck here with these two. Idia’s body got used to the pain (and pleasure), but the emotional torture keeps Idia’s wounds fresh.

If this is what happens, they would make everyone think that Idia is dead because now he only exists to be their precious toy. Even Azul wouldn’t know that Idia is still alive, and the Tweels would find it hilarious because they would have a somber conversation with Azul about how horrible Idia’s fate is, and then come back home to see him tied to a bed, hungry, miserable and barely resembling a human being. But oh so loved!

Trey/Idia:

Maybe one of the reasons why Trey got so obsessed with Idia is that Idia sees right through him (even though Trey’s also in denial about many things about himself). And while choosing whether to be wary of Trey or to call him out for his lies, Idia chose both… At first, Trey felt confusion, but then his interest in Idia just kept growing, and then he started to show up in his dorm again and again. People started gossiping  that these two are dating, and that Idia probably used some kind of charm or love potion to attract Trey. The second part is obviously false, but the dating part became true at some point… somehow.

Yes, teeth, OF COURSE we’re going to talk about teeth, come on, it’s Trey. Trey brushes Idia’s teeth for him. At first he just checked on his teeth every morning and evening, then one time he brushed Idia’s teeth for him just to show him a proper way to do it… but now he does it 3 times per day every single day. This isn’t just him taking care of Idia’s teeth (even though he always talks about how Idia isn’t going to do a good job if Trey isn’t helping him, and somehow phrase it in a nice way), this is him having a special tradition only for them…

Idia knows that Trey is bad news, and he doesn’t even fully understand why they started dating, but he just can’t resist him anymore. Trey seems so wishy-washy to others, but Idia knows that he could be stubborn and strict in a very sneaky way. They never argue, but Idia still can never “win” somehow – he always has to do what Trey thinks would be best for him. And Trey genuinely believes that he knows best, sometimes he thinks that Idia is a bit… inadequate at living. But he feels it very lovingly, very parentally, but still very-very sexually somehow… in his ideal world, Idia would rely on him so much that he would stop doing anything by himself, even the most basic things.

Idia never talks to anyone, but if he does, Trey gets jealous. He is very jealous of whoever Idia is talking to while he is playing games. Sometimes he wishes he could just break all of his computers and stuff like the Tweels would, but these aren’t his methods. His methods are to poison Idia’s sweets to make him so sick that he wouldn’t be able to do anything but throw up, cry and cling to Trey for a couple of days. It’s okay, when he gets better, Trey will nurse him right back and make sure he eats plenty.

He is very protective of Idia, and if someone is legitimately mean to him, he’ll never forgive that person. For some reason it’s easier for him to stand up against Idia’s bullies than to stand up against Riddle’s mom lol Anyways, with his mind being all messed up because of this obsession, he might actually do the yandere thing of killing a bunch of people for Idia’s sake. He’ll never let Idia know about it of course, but Idia isn’t stupid: he can see that something about Trey’s eyes changed. And he is legitimately scared of him.

Yeah, speaking of Trey! What a smooth segue lol

Anonymous asked:

Hi, I really like your character thoughts! I was wondering if you dive a bit into Trey's darker side and some more TreyVil headcanons? Thank you!

Thank you for enjoying our posts, Anon! <3 Trey/Vil as a ship doesn’t appear here very often, but I feel like whenever I think about them together, they just keep growing on me woah.

Of course Trey is obsessed with Vil’s teeth, that’s a given. And even though Trey doesn’t have Rook levels of dedication to his creepiness craft and doesn’t know everyone’s dental situation, he still thinks that Vil is one of the best ones. He was also lucky enough to witness Vil’s evening routine once, and while Vil found it intimate in a subtle way, to Trey it was so much more than that. He started dreaming about the way Vil brushes his teeth all the time. It’s so elegant, but still a bit messy (a little bit of toothpaste stuck to his lip for a couple of seconds before he rinses his mouth…), but also absolutely perfect, but also so… vulnerable before Trey’s eyes. He really wanted to masturbate while touching his teeth.

The fact that Vil is more experienced and sexually aware than some other potential partners of Trey is something that Trey has to constantly keep in mind. He does enjoy Vil being flirty and even hinting at things at times, but at the same time, if Trey gets too horny, Vil will definitely notice and address it. And it’s great when the timing is more or less appropriate, but if Vil notices that Trey is horned up when they’re discussing things like dental hygiene (embarrassing) or something horrible (like things that happen in the film industry)… then Vil might realise that he gets bad vibes from Trey for a reason and stop talking to him, and Trey doesn’t want that.

Trey has a rape kink, and he wishes it was purely hypothetical. Sometimes he has intrusive thoughts when he chats or hangs out with Vil about how technically he could assault him right here, or at least try to (since Vil isn’t that easy to assault). But would the thrill be worth the risk? Trey usually decides that it wouldn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes he dreams about different scenarios in which he would rape Vil. And he isn’t always fully asleep when he has these dreams…

One time Trey saw Vil being very puzzled, angry and a bit embarrassed. He knew exactly why, but asked him about what was going on anyway, and after avoiding answering for some time, Vil confessed that somebody stole his used underwear. Trey expressed that this was super messed up and comforted Vil, gently ensuring him that it will be okay… and it’s honestly a miracle that Vil didn’t notice that Trey was lying through his teeth. Of course it was him who stole it. Another intrusive thought.

Trey would love to make Vil obsessed with his cakes, and by “obsessed” I mean “literally addicted”. Vil is way too good at avoiding sweets, but this could be changed if Trey figures out how to make a potion, one drop of which would make anyone who takes a bite addicted to this food forever. Of course, Vil is great at potions, and there is no way just any potion would work on him, so for now Trey is experimenting and using his own dormmates as guinea pigs. This is his private science project that he has to keep in secret from both Vil AND Rook…

Or something among the lines~

Alright, I don’t have a segue for this one, but let’s come back to Idia for a moment because we have another ask about him!

This is related to this post.

Anonymous asked:

I know you went into this in another post but what other ways has Ortho had other students haze Idia?

Alright, a couple of more ideas! Not a lot though, because I can’t share some because I want to draw them, and also I am a bit tired lol but still, I am happy you like this theme, Anon! You’re inspiring me to think about it more…

Ortho didn’t intend it to be a roast, but he made the other students chant at Idia about his love for Ortho when he left his room one time. This poor guy opened the door and got called a brocon by like 40 people. He got so terrified and shocked that he couldn’t move for a minute.

Another one that Ortho didn’t expect to end up being so evil is that he let the other students into Idia’s room at night and let them steal all of his clothes + his blanket, including the ones he was wearing while asleep. Idia woke up completely naked with zero clothes and a bunch of people outside waiting for him to laugh at him and take pictures.

Another time when Ortho let the guys into Idia’s room at night was when he wanted them to wake him up in a fun way! And the guys ambushed his bed, grabbing him, jumping on him, spraying him with water and making loud noises into his ears. After that Idia started stuttering, and it continued for a week… it’s a miracle it went away, to be honest. And also he pissed himself.

[gongedtornado]

you ever just

[idolomantises]

there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities

[sciderman]

i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

[aviofavalon]

i always like think about maybe taking full body selfies and semi nudes to post and just like. idk. normalize it more and i always go nah idk about that and then i see some absolute cutie rocking it like. hm

idk i have an odd relationship with my weight, because like.... whilr sometimes i have thought, oh man, maybe i'm fat ): i end up choosing not to worry about it. especially bc like my whole life people told me i look just like my mom, and my mom is literally one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen, so it's hard not to like. know i'm pretty

but also?? my mom has awful body dismorphia and absolutely struggled with her appearance and her weight when i was a kid. and it just confused me? bc she's so gorgeous??

but also like fatphobia is ridiculous and i honestly like. am floored by people who are so viscerally fatphobic. i can never forget when i excitedly posted a picture of myself in a bikini on here years ago, bc i was excited about the bikini, and somebody told me i don't have the body for it

and it doesn't really get to me but i can't help but sometimes like

does my girlfriend really not care that i'm fat? a lot of people care about that. does she actually think i'm attractive?

and it may partially be bc my girlfriend is one of the skinniest people i know so maybe like i get worried she might accidentally be like, fatphobic skinny person

or like, to step away from fat for a second but my facial hair? i was bullied for being so hairy as a kid and being afab and people now tell me like aw your beard is cool! or your beard is cute!!

i think i wanna post cute pictures of my body and my face but like hm

i recognize some of this btw may be sex work trauma lol like, needing to look a certain way, knowing less people will want my work if i don't shave or cover up fat

i have no idea where i was gojng with this i have more to say and work out i think but frankly i might take a nap

[zorosnavigator]

fanfic rec post tomorrow maybe???👀

me to all my fandom ships knowing perfectly i wont have the time to do even 1 for at least one pairing til next week 🤡

[snekdood]

ppl who larp about the Revolution™ almost seem to expect someone *else* to take the leading role in it all so they can sit inside on their asses and do jack shit, they know they have no meaningful skills to offer and would only slow people down, but expect to *somehow* magically radicalize most americans into doing all the work for them because awww dey're just such a weak wittle babu that needs to be pwotected and defwended awlways uwu

like. come on. get a grip. if everything went your way and someone actually stronger than you came along to take the lead, you're likely not being invited, and you'll likely be left behind... which means left to the alt right, who will no doubt come to your house to see if you're perpetuating anything "woke", and you gotta know they wont just ask, they'll barge in and look through everything even your computer.

though, you should really focus on your plan. your first step: get along with people enough to even actually convince them its a good idea, and we all know you'll never dare to try that shit. you cant even be on here w/o blocking someone like me for even suggesting you are approaching this like a child playing war and you have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

you think you want a second holocaust (which is essentially letting trump win, i mean hitler got the majority vote in germany. thats how he rose to power. didn't just materialize out of thin air), but you dont seem to grasp the gravity of what that entails, or even that you'd be thrown in the camps with everyone else, all to stick it to jewish ppl and "the libs", even if it means you and all the ones you love die along with them. you are a net negative to humanity and quite frankly should be on a fucking watch list.

[sabraeal]

as a writer how do you stop thinking about like getting kudos/comments? I've just started writing fanfic, and when I start a writing something -- it goes well and then eventually I get to point where I'm like "ahh but what the readers don't like that? or what if I don't get as many kudos or comments" and it makes it difficult to continue because then it becomes stressful -- I guess how do you deal with "wanting to write stuff for yourself" and "wanting validation" thanks!

You're going to hate this answer, because I hated it too, but TIME. When you first start writing and you get kudos and comments and people love what you're doing, it's a huge validation of your effort and talent, and it's natural that you want MORE of it. When I first started putting up fics I already had been writing for 15+ years, knew I was good at it, and still for a good few years found myself really glued to the hit counter, and the kudos, and wondering how I'd be able to get people to comment the same way they did on things like Seven Suitors.

But the thing is that commenting comes and goes in waves, and unless a fandom has a big comment culture, or is large enough that you're guaranteed a good glut of them every time you post...you're going to hit a point where you write exactly what everyone wants and get crickets. And at that point you'll get ANNOYED, because LOOK, I MADE THIS, i made it for YOU GUYS, and now y'all don't have anything to say? It'll get to you. It'll make you doubt that you know what anyone wants at all. It'll happen and it'll suck the whole time.

Lots of advice will say "write for yourself," which is an excellent sentiment. You should always write what YOU want. Put into your fic what you want to see, write the nitpicky poetic metaphors and craft the most screwball twists your heart desires. Pour yourself into the most niche AUs and most tin-hat canon theories. At the end of the day, you want the IDEAS you put down to be for you, because comments and kudos are nice, but if they don't come...you have to be proud of what you put out, even when it feels like an echo chamber.

But also...we don't POST things for ourselves. We post things to share. Fic are a conversation with canon and it is perfectly natural to want to create something that creates conversation among other fans. So you're never going to fully get the need for validation out of your head, you're not. You can hide hit counts and ignore your inbox all you like, but the want to have someone interact with your work, to inspire someone to reach out to you will ALWAYS be there. You just have to create a healthier relationship with it.

Be confident in what you write. Think less about whether people will like it, and more about how you WANT them to react. The reader is the most important character in any novel, but it's the one most authors forget to manage. When you come to a point where you go "oh man, I hope this is good for them!" stop and go, "what do I *want* them to be feeling here?" Focus on where you're putting their attention and whether you WANT it there. There's so much you can do when you visualize your relationship with the reader as PART of the work, and it takes off a lot of the pressure of "is this good? is it disappointing? will this get me validation?" and brings it back into the realm of storytelling. You are taking your reader on a journey, and when you do it well people will think less about "did I like that?" and more about "what comes next?"

[kindnessoverperfection]

There are two paths before me.

One is overgrown, full of thorns and bristles and broken branches. The other is sunny and clear.

Surely, the first will lead to nothing but risk, danger, and pain, while the second will be a blissful, joyful walk.

But there's nothing for me on that clear path. No food, no life, no person out there besides myself. I know that the overgrown path can grant me all those things and more, if only it weren't such a wretched way to go.

So I spend some time on the clear path, walking forward until I can't take the loneliness and discontent anymore, and I turn back. But when I arrive where I started, the first path is still overgrown, worse still than before. Frustrated and feeling helpless, I start down the clear path again. When I decide to take care of myself and survive instead of starving to death on the barren trail, I turn back again. And again, the other is overgrown and terrifying.

I go back and forth, until I fall to my knees, crying and begging for someone, anyone, to help me. To remove the thorns and bristles and branches.

And then I realize, this entire time, I've been running from the pain. I've been waiting for the trail to clear up on its own, to grant me safe and easy passage.

It wasn't my fault I was never taught wilderness survival - I don't know how to make it through such an area, bandage the scrapes and wear functional gear and step over the branches. But I can learn, even if I'll experience some hurt along the way.

[miutonium]

I need to constantly remind myself that it's not 2016 and there's actually people that like me and my art 🤧🤧🤧💕

[spikeisawesome456]

.

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

[bronzefuryfic]

also chapters and chapters of continuity about Rhae’s injury now being able to payoff in shared experience of recovery with Aemond>>