#but something feels viscerally off

[28ratsinatrenchcoat]

You ever meet a person, become friends with them, and they’re so nice! They’re great! But something just feels REALLY off, but you don’t want to make accusations because you have literally nothing to go off of because they’re such a good person? But you still feel uncomfortable around them? (And you feel terrible because you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable because they’ve done nothing wrong)

[houseswife]

if the target audience of house was middle-aged cishet dudebros then why are all the promo shots of him so sexually compelling to me personally. like what feelings are these meant to evoke other than “I need to fuck that old man or so help me god”

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[clotpolesonly]

Call Down The Hawk ch 17 // Greywaren ch 26

[elytrafemme]

sometimes i do miss the era where i could go ballistic crazy do you know how much reprieve i'd get if i could text someone do you think i'm insane and pretty and bad at sex. i've never actually sent a text like that in my life but there was something awfully rhythmic about doing literally ANYTHING so that someone wouldn't leave and now i just have to like... sit here. and like their instagram stories. and try not to go insane? i can't even vague like i used to because there's too many eyes on me WHAT DO I DO...

[hella1975]

Hi, I followed you for your fic and I saw you had some posts about having ADHD.

I'm also ADHD, could you tell me about your writing process? I get stuck with things staying in the notes app and they don't really get past that stage.

I'm not sure if it's an interest thing, if the notes fulfill the want so there's no need to put it together. If you have anything thoughts about how to keep up the consistency for fic that'd be appreciated.

Hopefully this isn't too serious of a question, I just have some trouble with wanting to write but not having a purpose for it and I was wondering if that was a brain thing/relatable.

Thank you in advance for any response ☺️ also good luck with your uni stuff~

thank you anon! and dw this isn't too serious at all. i think it's interesting that you ask about keeping consistency bc ironically the biggest tell of my adhd in my writing is my INCONSISTENCY, as you can see with the way updates happen. i wrote 200k words of taob in one year and now i update twice a year on average. i wrote 60k words of tams within a few weeks and now it hasn't been updated since july. and these are just my public projects where i at least have the added pressure of knowing people are waiting for an update, you should see the state of some of my original wips! basically my point here is that my adhd is VERY apparent with my writing habits, but these days i work with it instead of trying to fight it. even before i knew i had adhd, i was aware that my writing came in periods. id go a few weeks churning out insane amounts daily and then dry up for months on end, and each time id enter the 'have i lost it??? will i ever write again???' spiral until low and behold, something would inspire me again and id be back to typing like a madman. i used to seriously fight my dry periods bc of that fear of 'losing' my writing, but that never helped and honestly turning writing into a need instead of a want probably made it worse.

it's one reason - aside the fact it is rude and annoying, i dont want to pretend it isn't or put the blame on me bc that's not what im saying here - that constant demands for fic updates bother me so much, bc people dont realise that the writing style i have now where yes we unfortunately go long times without updates is actually how my writing comes out at its best standard. so yeah! it can be incredibly frustrating and even scary to feel physically unable to write, but if it's something you like and want to do i do truly believe it'll always come back sooner or later, or at least that's my experience :)

[barnbridges]

there's something visceral about.... marion probably knows well enough that bunny doesn't have a fucking bank account at the age of 24 but randomly believed her friend when she said she saw him at a bank, that he randomly became obsessed with murder out of the blue one day and then died and his friends didn't miss him, that his best friend was absolutely ... a sight to behold at the funeral, that the corcorans are neither warm nor really fond of her (where is she talking to his mother? they were planning on having kids together and his parents never spoke to her the whole time she was there), that brady corcoran specifically is described as the least like bunny himself, that they invited "a ton" of people from hampden college but none of her friends (but random people they don't know??? and bunny didn't know that well either??? sure) are ever mentioned being there, they didn't even speak to her when he was presumed missing, but she went right back there and dealt with them for at least another 10 years, and tied herself to them eternally through blood.

[b-blushes]

FRIDAY QUEST! - do friday cleaning - start new project (:

[clownfire]

absolutely love how Charlie is so determined not to bark that he does a complete 180 and makes the absolute worst scooby doo noises fucking imaginable 

[kavehater]

I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way

[bereft-of-frogs]

…

[lesbiansanemi]

*through gritted teeth* ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you ppl can ship whatever they want and it’s fine it doesn’t affect you people can—

[waywardsalt]

in post-ph specifically a really old idea ive had is that linebeck is extremely, extremely possessive of his coat, but if in a situation where he fears he might actually die, he gives it to the person he trusts to save him, or he gives it to someone he cares about that seems to be on the brink of death

[wraithsoutlaws]

been thinking about the neglected section of dagger's lore after he leaves the bakkers as a teen and winds up in a smuggler outfit and aaaa for so long i couldn't grasp details of it all but now its flooding in and its coming together :ratscream:

[candied-cae]

"Izzy's appearances in 2x03 with Stede were some of the only times I could stand him." - Allow me to further explain

I want to preface this with "I know." I know I was not an Izzy Enjoyer during Season 1 and I know I wasn't really looking forward to a redemption arc for his character because I was worried it wouldn't be taken seriously enough, since this show is a comedy. And, so far, I feel like I was right. His forgiveness feels rushed to me, and Stede's adverse reactions to him are the only times where it felt like this was in fact Izzy Hands from season 1 and not a guy with the same name and face but with a clean record and softer disposition.

The instances where Stede is put in Izzy's proximity are the only ones that really make sense coming out of Season 1. As far as we see, a few months has passed and pretty much everyone on The Revenge has forgiven Izzy for the simple reason that they can tell Ed is taking a little extra of his anger out on him. We see no apologies made, we see no kind gestures, we see no really complex stuff about him realizing he fucked up.

They skip right to his breaking down and the rest of the crew picking up the pieces behind Ed's back, even though for most of them Izzy was their torturer at least twice before all on his own.

So it felt weird and jarring that he seemed completely washed free of his "sins" of the last season, especially since it happened right there in the first episode. I wish the production team put more time in making Izzy "earn" the kindness the crew affords him, but I digress. The interactions Stede has with Izzy feel the most right (to me) and I adore how much character work we can pull from them.

(In agonizing detail by going over every word of dialogue and expression exchanged between them, you've been warned.)

The first time they address each other, goes as follows:

"Bonnet. Good to see you." "Piss off, Izzy. I don't wanna hear from you."

With Izzy approaching Stede without reason and speaking first. He limps on over and opens up with something polite almost. But when it comes from Izzy Hands - the man who personally insulted Stede, insulted all his favorite activities, insulted his crew, challenge him to duel and skewered him through the side, went on to call on Calico Jack and the Royal English Navy to take down The Revenge, who stole his crew and ship after he'd been arrested, and Stede's clearly got suspicions that Ed's behavior was influenced by him - that greeting is a slap in the face.

It's that kind of fake sweet pretend-we're-friends-for-the-sake-of-social-graces thing that Stede left behind on the mainland.

So he just tells him to leave. That he doesn't care what he has to say if it isn't information, and even if it was, Stede doesn't trust what Izzy shares.

And Izzy's a little caught off guard by that reaction. We see him sort of sway and look to the side. He looks rejected, which he is. And it's the first time all season that someone hasn't really let him have a fresh start (except for Ed). It's the first time anyone's tried to hold him accountable for the litany of things he'd done to the crew in the last season. Events that seem to have taken place only weeks/months before.

The second time Izzy speaks up, he does so to tease:

"What about my painting? Why was it all stabbed up?" "That was me." *sighs*

Izzy puts on a smile and leans his head back a bit. He's try to act proud and sort of snarky, since Stede isn't playing with him like they did previously. So, he tried to goad him into saying something. Into getting snippy or bitchy in return. He's trying to push Stede into giving him something to work with.

Because if people talk to him, and they play his games, and they soften up, that's how (it seems) he's been able to win them over and get into folk's good graces.

But Stede doesn't give. He doesn't want to play Izzy's mind games. He doesn't want to volley a few insults back in forth until it's fun. He doesn't want to give Izzy any of his time or attention or energy, because Izzy doesn't deserve any of it to him.

Stede walks away, and we see Izzy's expression freeze and fall. He's stuck and confused, because he thought that was a good move. He thought that one was going to get a reaction. And maybe that's how he's always gotten people to talk to him, by pushing them into a retaliation, but it doesn't work.

What's the quote? About how hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is? Stede is being indifferent to Izzy's presence, and that's doing more to Izzy's feelings than if he outright hated him.

The third time they interact, Izzy's followed Stede into the captain's quarters and jokes:

"Don't cry, Bonnet. We just redecorated." "I don't mind, actually. I think the knives really help bring the place together."

Again, he's tried to push Stede's buttons. Playing on already used jokes that Stede's too posh and soft to, say, appreciate something like a dozen knives thrown/stabbed into the walls and ceiling of his cabin.

He's teasing, on the edge of calling Stede a cry baby, either just to see if it'll work him up, or if that's the only way he knew how to start their discussion. But again, Stede isn't playing with him. He brushes past the implied insult and moves to something more like "I don't care" in response.

Instead, turning his attention back to the subject of Edward Teach. Because he knows the crew were all dodging the question and he knows Izzy would have to know what happened to Ed.

During that same conversation they pivot to more serious matters:

"What'd you do with him? I know he wouldn't have left by choice." "I know you think you understand him-" "He was either going to watch the world burn or die trying. So which was it?" "Alright, Bonnet. Have it your own way. He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin' leg 'cause I dared to mention your fuckin' name. He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one." "You sent him to doggy heaven." "No, I could never do that. We deserted him on a beach. Left nature to do the rest. More than he would've done for us. You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer any more for our mistakes." "Why would they suffer?" "If your captain senses mutiny, she'll kill us all. That's pirate code."

The most notable expressions during this conversation are Stede's who almost seems to wince when Izzy says Ed retaliated against him over mentioning Stede's name, his defeat when he believes Ed was killed in mutiny, and his concern about making sure his crew will be spared.

These are feelings that are barely about Izzy, and mostly about the fact that Stede is taking on a lot more blame than he's saying. He feels a lot of the responsibility for what's happened (further exemplified by him cracking to tell Zheng Yi Sao that he should've told Ed how he felt and avoided all of it). And this is the first time Izzy really gets anything out of him from all his poking and prodding he does in the episode.

And though Stede is convinced that Ed was simply marooned and it's its own kind of tragedy and means there was somewhere to go to try and get him back, Stede worries about saving his crew first. He pleads with Zheng Yi Sao and even wins her over until Auntie finds Ed's "body."

After that revelation, Izzy's in The Red Flag's brig and only says:

"Go on, Bonnet. Give me your worst."

And Stede says nothing. He looks at him. He hears what he has to say. But he doesn't do anything. Nothing except having to physically push himself off the bars to walk away.

And again, we can tell there's blame he's assigned to himself for it.

It's a little bit his fault that Ed's "dead." It's a little bit his fault the rest of his crew is going to be executed. It's a little bit his fault, and it's a little bit Izzy's. He knows so, because Izzy said it to him himself. "You and Me did this to him." And Izzy huffs, gives him permission to fly off the handle. To pour his rage and grief all over Izzy, to retaliate with words or with blades.

Izzy would take it. Whatever Stede was going to give him, he was going to take it. Just like he was trying to make him mad earlier, Izzy was still grappling for something. For acknowledgment. For something in his last moments before an entire career of piracy ended at The Pirate Queen's behest.

But Stede gives him nothing.

And that hurts worse. That brings tears to his eyes. That settles in the quiet idea of "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" that cuts so much deeper.

And the last time Izzy tries for anything, he tries being grateful:

"I just wanted to thank you for-"

But Stede still doesn't listen. Doesn't even let him finish thanking him.

Even though he went as far as to save Izzy's life along with the rest of the crew (he could've struck him down or declared he was unwelcome to join them back on The Revenge if he really wanted to), he still hadn't earned acknowledgment. Hadn't deserved pity or anything else. He doesn't even deserve to stand next to Stede and fluff his ego, as far as Stede seems concerned.

Stede hasn't forgiven Izzy. And maybe it's because he feels there's nothing to forgive, it's mostly Stede's own fault- maybe it's because he blames him too much and will never let it go- maybe he's too hurt to feel anything but tired and sad once the immediate danger has passed... Izzy doesn't know.

What he does know, is that he has tried everything to get reactions out of Stede. Everything except apologizing. So, I'm personally hoping for an apology in the upcoming episodes. For some vulnerability and truth and embarrassment. Because these are the beats of a redemption. These are the plot points of turning your life around, and people either don't believe it's genuine at first or don't care.

This is the "cost" of Izzy's actions in Season 1. And it's something they haven't given us from anyone else yet. I'd also really like Ed to make some kind of address of the fact ("You wanted Blackbeard as dark and demanding as he could possibly get, I gave that to you"). Because that's how a redemption arc works best. The guy who fucked up has to put in an effort expressly to be forgiven.

To me, it's not enough that his life sucked for a couple months and he didn't get exactly what he wanted (aka, he didn't realize he didn't actually want it like that) and he lost a leg. He's going to keep pirating on one foot, but to receive a position on The Revenge happily shared, there needs to be something more.

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