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NYLON JAPAN, June 2025 Issue ft. Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger Cast Members Photoshoot and Group Interview (pages and translations below)

Publication: April 28, 2025

Solo Interviews

Iuchi Haruhi

"If you were to drive with Taiya Hando, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Iuchi: Taiya has a variety of information, so he could organize the perfect route if he wanted to. Still, I don't think he'd ever want to settle on the perfect one. First, we'll go shopping, then drive along the coast, and at night, we'll go to a restaurant with a beautiful night view. He'll work out a rough schedule like that, but he'll definitely make some free time to ask my opinion on where I want to go.

"Please tell us what you admire about Taiya Hando."

Iuchi: That he's willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of others. That he doesn't disregard other people's opinions.

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Iuchi: Ramen!! And then boba!!

Hayama Yuki

"If you were to drive with Ishiro Meita, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Hayama: To begin with, Ishiro's someone who pretty much acts alone, so I don't know if he'd be up for a drive with me……(laughs). If he does want to go with me, I'd like to go to an aquarium, as it would be an important place for him, and listen to his stories there. Of course, I know he won't talk to me that easily, so I'll try to close the distance between us on the way there so that he'll open up! After all, I played him for over a year!

"Please tell us what you admire about Ishiro Meita."

Hayama: That he was able to get over some incredibly painful and difficult experiences. I believe that's why he seems to be so happy living as a Boonboomger.

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Hayama: For me, going beyond my limits means to "use my brain too much and worry alot," so I'll go to the sauna with a "packed" head in order to refresh myself to the fullest!

Suzuki Miu

"If you were to drive with Mira Shifuto, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Suzuki: Mira's a girl who's able to enjoy anything and everything, so we'd drive around without any real destination in mind! We'll play songs that would get us excited for the drive and sing with all our might!

"Please tell us what you admire about Mira Shifuto."

Suzuki: That she's considerate of other people's feelings. Mira's a kind girl who would let someone lean on her if they were feeling down, while on the flip side, when something good happens to someone else, she'll be even happier for them than they are.

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Suzuki: The sauna! I'll go to a public bathhouse sauna alone and say to myself, "You did a great job today~. Well done, good for you."

Saito Ryu

"If you were to drive with Jou Akuse, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Saito: Jou's a police officer, so driving with him would be like taking driving lessons. We'll strictly follow the speed limit and all traffic laws. Rather than for fun, I get the impression that driving for him is a means for transportation only. Our destinations would include a batting cage and other places where we can play sports. Also, the gym. Jou doesn't have any money, so we probably can't take the highway (laughs).

"Please tell us what you admire about Jou Akuse."

Saito: One, He's passionate and rugged. Two, He's straightforward with his sense of justice. Three, He's manly.

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Saito: One, Go to bed. Sleep is important. Two, push myself even further with muscle training and a trip to the sauna. Three, eat a meal while streaming anime.

Soma Satoru

"If you were to drive with Genba Bureki, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Soma: We'd drive to a little known spot with a night view deep in the mountains where not many people go. While enjoying the night view, we'll eat the food he's procured along the way.

"Please tell us what you admire about Genba Bureki."

Soma: That he's not influenced by anyone, and that he's always committed to his own worldview.

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Soma: Traveling with others. Going to places I've never been to before and exploring!

Miyazawa Yu

"If you were to drive with Sakito Homura, the character you played, what kind of route would you take?"

Miyazawa: We'll drive through the heart of Tokyo and stop at a drive through hamburger joint. I'd like to show him some of my favorite places and buildings in Tokyo that I know of. It'll be fun, and I'm positive his reactions will be great!

"Please tell us what you admire about Sakito Homura."

Miyazawa: That he has a strong core. He cares about those around him. The part of him that's honest about his feelings. He's determined!

"What's your favorite way of refreshing yourself after pushing yourself beyond your limits?"

Miyazawa: Down a draft beer in one go!!

Group Interview

"How was the photoshoot?"

Iuchi: It was alot of fun! In March, Yuki-kun and I were invited to be apart of NYLON JP's "365 ANNIVERSARY" project, and at that time, I also enjoyed the fashion and hair and makeup work that only NYLON could provide. I was hoping that I could "make another appearance," so I was happy to be invited back so soon. Furthermore, all six Boonboomger cast members are together for the shoot this time. Today, Yuki-kun and I were the first to enter the studio, and while we were getting our hair and makeup done, we both excitedly wondered how everyone else's looks would turn out.

Suzuki: I've always thought, "I want to appear in NYLON someday!" So, when the two of them appeared in "365 ANNIVERSARY," I said, "That's so unfair!" (laughs).

Iuchi: She did say that (laughs).

Suzuki: Because of that, I was glad that the six of us were invited this time. I was nervous before the shoot because NYLON has a unique worldview, but thanks to the car in the background, as well as the cool lighting arrangements, I was gradually able to get into the mood and do the shoot with enthusiasm!

Miyazawa: Ryu's eyebrows are gone, aren't they?

Suzuki: The no eyebrows look really suits him! I feel like he's a new Ryu-kun.

Saito: Up until now, when the six of us are photographed together, it would give off a strong impression of our Boonboomger characters. But this time, I think us cast members brought out the best in each of us. I hope that we were able to show you a new side of us!

Soma: Compared to usual, I was also in a slightly mischievous mood when we took the photos. I put my legs up on the car's dashboard.

Suzuki: You were like, "I'm just gonna do it~" (laughs).

Saito: Miu-chan's hair also looks messy~ (laughs).

Hayama: (laughs). We're also looking forward to seeing our pages in the magazine! Also, this made me realize once again how much fun it is when the six of us are together!

Miyazawa: I've always wanted to appear in NYLON too. That's why I'm really happy to have been invited to appear in this issue, but am also anxious to see the readers reactions. I hope they'll be pleased to see us in an appearance different from how they've seen us up to now!

Soma: I'm definitely curious about the feedback we'll get! I want to hear their impressions.

"Now that you've spent a year together, we'd like you to once again introduce the other members. First is Iuchi-san, what kind of person is Hayama-san?

Iuchi: He's an incredibly considerate man. Recently, there was an incident that made me personally realize it. I bumped into something during the middle of a show at Theater G-Rosso, where he was the first to notice. He brought me ice before anyone else and worriedly asked, "Are you alright?" I truly felt that he was looking at his surroundings very carefully. I also got the impression that lots of people went to him for advice. I recently realized once again that he's someone who's willing to sacrifice his own time for others.

"Now, on to the next, Hayama-san, please introduce Suzuki-san."

Hayama: Miu-chan wrote out letters for each of us at the time of the wrap up. I was incredibly happy and overjoyed, but then she walked away while saying, "I'm going somewhere else for abit~." I thought, "Where are you going?," but it turns out she had also written message cards to almost all of the staff members and was giving them out to them. There were so, so many staff members there. I was moved by her humanity to take the initiative and do something like that. Throughout the year, I discovered many aspects of her that I respect both as an actor and as a person.

"Suzuki-san, please tell us about Saito-san."

Suzuki: Ryu-kun is incredibly kind and well liked by everyone. This impression hasn't changed since our first meeting, but recently, I've noticed that when I'm feeling abit uneasy about something, Ryu-kun's the first to notice. He's very observant of the delicate signs in people's emotions, and I feel like he tries to create a space where everyone can feel comfortable. He's kind but not overbearing, and is a truly gentle person who you can lean on. Also, he loves trivia! He told me tons of trivia, but to be honest, I don't remember any of it! (laughs).

All: (laughs).

Suzuki: I was seriously told all sorts of trivia over the past year! That's why I also have the impression that he's someone who likes to learn and has a strong ability to absorb information. When curious about something, most people usually just say, "Well, whatever," but he's always eager to find out, so I think that kind of diligence is also reflected in his attitude toward acting.

Saito: It seems that even when I was small, I would always ask my parents questions about anything that interested me. Eventually, my parents got tired of answering and told me to "figure it out on my own," which brings us to how I am now (laughs).

"Now then, Saito-san, please introduce Soma-san!"

Saito: Satoru-kun is eight years older than me, but he's so friendly that I don't feel that difference. I think all of us were helped out immensely by that. He talks to us in a friendly manner, and when he joins the rest of us, he's always ready to have fun in a casual manner. Still, when the time comes, he gives off the feeling of being a proper big brother. Also, his way of talking is interesting! His way of wording things is overwhelming, and when everyone's talking, the words that suddenly come out of his mouth are so funny that I can't help but laugh. Satoru-kun also came up with the theme for the talk shows at every G-Rosso performance. I respect that about him too! He's the kind of person who makes me think, "That's the kind of person I want to be like."

"Soma-san, please tell us about Miyazawa-san."

Soma: Zawa-kun gives off slightly intimidating vibes, so at first I wondered, "Is he gonna be a difficult person to approach?" However, when I actually talked to him, he was very friendly. Since we're closer in age, I was able to ask him a variety of questions during filming that I wasn't able to ask the younger members, and he was very supportive of me. He was very passionate about his performance, and when he sensed that the vibes around him were becoming loose, he'd always tighten things up. I learned alot from seeing how a senior behaves on set, as it was different from how I was!

"Finally, Miyazawa-san, please introduce Iuchi-san."

Miyazawa: When I first met him, I had the impression that, "He's a pretty easygoing kid, huh?" However, what I felt as we built our relationship on set was that he's a kid who works harder than anyone else. I think this is what everyone, not just me, has thought about Haruhi throughout the past year. He was also never careless with his performance, but always made changes in his own way. Even though Boonboomger was Haruhi's first lead role in a TV drama, I was always surprised when he'd suddenly throw a certain challenge at me. When we performed together, in a good way, I was always nervous. When I think about it, Haruhi constantly surprised me over the past year. But strangely enough, my initial impression of him hasn't changed either. I think that's Haruhi's charm. I also love Haruhi.

Iuchi: You love me? (laughs).

Miyazawa: Yeah (laughs). I think he's the kind of actor that makes me want to work with him again in the future.

"Next, please tell us about the most "cranked up" experience you had over the past year of working together on Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger."

Hayama: In a way, I felt cranked up when Saito-kun sent a message to the cast's group LINE late at night the day before the wrap up, saying, "I don't wanna be separated from you guys."

All: Uwaaah!

Miyazawa: That was the cutest, wasn't it~?

Suzuki: So cute~!

Hayama: I had never really viewed Ryu-kun as being younger than me, but when I saw that, I thought, "Uwah, he's cute."

Miyazawa: Ryu dropping that on us made me feel like, "Ah, we really are at the end."

Saito: I was all alone during the middle of the night when I thought about it, and those feelings suddenly came over me when I sent it (laughs). During the wrap up the next day, almost everyone who had helped us, including the Directors, on set staff, and people from Bandai and the TV station, came to the set. I felt that all of the people who had been involved in the project up until then loved the show so much that they just had to show up, and I thought that was really cranked up.

Suzuki: Also, everyone loves ramen, so between takes, when we'd play rock paper scissors to decide on who'd pay for the ramen bill, I felt that it was incredibly youthful and cranked up!

"We could feel the youthfulness in that story!"

Iuchi: Even though we'd all be tired from work, we'd still go out for a meal or to play at a game center on the way home. Playing the UFO catcher together was also fun. Satoru-kun is skilled at it, so he'd often get everyone's prizes for them.

Soma: I even got Zawa-kun a horse plushie. Whenever I found a prize that I thought "he'd definitely be delighted with," I just had to win it and give it to him as a gift.

Miyazawa: I love horse racing, so it made me extremely happy!!

"Boonboomger is a show filled with love like that, but please tell us about your own personal "divine episodes" that have left a lasting impression on you or that you've received praise for."

Iuchi: For me it was episodes 44 and 45. Episode 44 was the one where my partner Boonboom was taken down, and the response from the staff and other people involved was amazing. For my character Taiya, he isn't one to show very intense emotions, but this was pretty much the first scene where I expressed such emotions, so it made me happy hearing that it "was good." For episode 45, I received countless comments from viewers, family members, and friends saying, "You're too skinny! Are you alright?!"

"That's true, episode 45 was memorable for showing an exhausted looking Taiya, but how did you prepare for that role?"

Iuchi: I decided to become unhealthy enough to where I could still move around. In any case, I took it upon myself to lose alot of weight and not sleep for the shoot. I even went for a run right before the shoot to tire myself out even further, but to be honest, it was pretty risky!

"That must've worn you out!"

Saito: The only thing you'd eat for lunch during that filming period was an apple, right?

Hayama: There were times when he'd refuse even an apple, so it was concerning……

Miyazawa: When we invited him out for a meal, he'd adamantly refuse. During that period, since Haruhi loves ramen, I'd intentionally ask, "Don'tcha wanna go out for ra~men?" (laughs).

Iuchi: You were so bad! You knew I wasn't gonna go, and yet you kept asking! (laughs). Still, holding out for ramen there paid off, as even in the footage you can see that I had lost alot of weight, so I'm glad.

Miyazawa: After it was over, you ate so much food (laughs).

"Hayama-san, what about you?"

Hayama: It'd be episode 47 for me. The scene in which I received the Boonboom Changer from Taiya and revealed that I "didn't actually betray them" was the one that got the biggest reaction. All the people I know that watched the show called me and said, "You didn't betray them!" (laughs). The four episodes from episode 43 onwards involve my character Ishiro betraying his friends, and we don't see him in the opening credits, so I didn't film together with everyone for almost a month. That's why I think that scene, where it finally becomes clear that he didn't betray them, is the one where I have the most smug look on my face out of the entire show (laughs).

Soma: For me, the episodes where I received the greatest response were the ones where Genba's revealed to be an alien, when he left Boonboomger, and when he returned. In the scene where Genba reveals himself to be an alien in front of everyone, I was able to release Genba's emotions, which he had kept hidden up until then, so it was both fun and rewarding to perform.

"Saito-san, what about you?"

Saito: I think episode 15's "Lock and Key" was the one that got the biggest reaction from the viewers. It was the first time in my life that I had to perform crying, and it was very difficult. I think it's because Director Hayama Koichiro stood next to me and supported me that I was able to do it in one take, and it left a lasting impression on me. I personally enjoyed episode 23's "Flaming Baseball Adversity." It was what's known as "the baseball episode," so including the memories of playing baseball with the cast and staff during breaks, it was alot of fun!

Suzuki: For me it's episode 36, which depicts the friendship between Mira and her best friend Aki. The scene where I Boonboom Changed by myself was the one that got the biggest reaction from fans. I performed the Change while running with my helmet off, and it made me happy that the fans thought it was cool.

Miyazawa: For me it's the final episode, episode 48. For my role as Sakito Homura, he's the additional member who appeared in episode 16, and is a man who once abandoned Earth, but his heart changed through his interactions with the Boonboomgers, and in episode 48, after hearing Taiya's words, Sakito says, "In that case, maybe we can change this world into one without screams." I felt that line was a declaration of Sakito's intention to stay on Earth and inherit Taiya's wishes. I was moved by the flow of the story, in which the man who abandoned Earth saw his friends off to space and stayed behind to protect Earth. The response I got from those who saw the scene live was great.

"Sakito Homura and Byundi were always added in through compositing during the ending dance, what's more, it was interesting that the pattern used was different for every episode."

Miyazawa: They would constantly tease me for that.

Soma: During the period when Genba and Chasshiro were out of the story, we were "removed" from the screen through the use of a technique where the composite of Sakito and Byundi was made larger and used as a mosaic effect. We were amused by the fact that anything could happen.

All: (laughs).

"The traffic safety rules presented during the ending were also different each time."

Suzuki: We would consistently record for two episodes each time! I hope it was an opportunity for the children to learn about traffic rules.

Hayama: In the episode where Ishiro and Taiya explain how to use a seat belt, the Director gave me the instructions, "Hayama, use a more handsome voice" (laughs).

Iuchi: That's right (laughs). Also, sometimes when I saw a JAF (Japan Automobile Federation) member out on the street, I'd feel like calling out to them. I wanted to say, "I also wore that orange vest during filming!" (laughs).

"The theme of this issue is "MORE THAN EVER." It means "to challenge yourself beyond the limits," so please tell us about an incident in which you "exceeded your limits!" while working on the production."

Miyazawa: Making it through 82 performances over G-Rosso's 4 stages!

Hayama: I really think we all pushed ourselves to the limits with that……!

Saito: We really did! Looking back on it now, I can honestly say that there were times when I was in a considerable amount of pain.

Iuchi: Still, because we worked so hard, I was incredibly moved by the final performance.

"What kind of view did you see from the stage?"

Soma: It was so sparkly……! There were tons of visitors crying in the audience, and I myself almost cried at the sight of them.

Saito: For the main series, during the final stages of filming, we'd have interviews even on our days off, and some of us didn't get a day off for almost a whole month. At that time, everyone was really pushing themselves to the limit.

Hayama: Also, when speaking of being pushed to the limit during filming of the main series, that would include the heat. Boonboomger had many scenes that were shot at an outdoor location, and occasionally these places wouldn't really have any shading at all. Many of the cast members have high metabolisms and sweat alot, as their hobbies include going to the sauna and the gym. So, everyone would sweat so much, that no matter how many times we wiped it away, we couldn't keep up. I think that we, as well as the costume and makeup departments, were pushed beyond the limit (laughs). Eventually, bath towels were given out to wipe away the sweat.

Soma: I got a bath towel too! (laughs). Also, we originally had small electric fans, but in the end, we were given a high velocity fan.

"What would you like to do in the future to further push the limits?"

Soma: In terms of work, I'd like to take on roles that I've never tried before, and to push myself beyond my limits by taking on a variety of challenges!

Iuchi: I'd also like to play roles that I wouldn't be able to do without properly training for a certain period of time first. For example, if I were to play a professional boxer, I'd have to obtain a boxing license before starting filming. I'm interested to see if I can become a different person if I put in the time.

Hayama: In order to continue as an actor, I need to know the world in which the character I'll be playing lives in, for example, if I were to play a professional boxer, I'd need to know about the world of professional boxers. Therefore, I'm now trying to pursue as many hobbies as possible, as I think that the more knowledge I have, the better prepared I'll be for my performance. I've been immersed in the same role for the past year, and now that it's over, I'd like to challenge myself to various things, find a new me, and push my limits.

Saito: Over this past year, I've had the opportunity to do a variety of things within the production, but I personally enjoyed the action aspects of it. The Action Director praised my efforts, so rather than pushing my limits, I want to go as far as I can with action, without setting limits for myself anymore. I want to be like Jackie Chan-san, Tom Cruise-san, and other actors who can do such amazing action. I want to become the kind of actor who can say, "I can do that kind of action myself."

Suzuki: I'd like to hitchhike around the country someday! I really love interacting with people I've never met before, and I feel that hitchhiking would make me appreciate the environment I live in now even more. It may not be possible right now, but I've always wanted to do it someday when I'm able to surpass my limits.

Soma: I've hitchhiked before! It took me two days to get from Tokyo to Nagoya and Osaka. This relates to that, but it might be that I like to go to unknown places. Lately, I've become addicted to getting off at a station I've never been to before and taking a 3-4 hour walk. And then, I'll go to places like the local archives or museum in order to learn about the history of the area. It's my current obsession, and I find that doing it heals me (laughs).

Miyazawa: I've been practicing Brazilian jujutsu for a long time, but couldn't attend lessons during the filming of Boonboomger. That's why I'd like to properly go through it one more time and get my belt.

Iuchi: Are you planning on becoming even stronger than you are now?! Even now we're no match for you……!

"You all seem to have so many things you want to do in the future! Please tell us about your recent fashion trends."

Iuchi: I've recently started getting into fashion. I'm addicted to looking stuff up online and buying items that I think are cool.

Hayama: I was originally unfamiliar with fashion, but since all the members around me are so fashionable, it inspired me to "give it a try." Soma-kun sometimes gives me the stylish clothes that he no longer wears.

Saito: In terms of my favorite clothing styles, I like American casual, or biker coordinated fashion. I'll often wear a leather jacket in my private life. And, I often wear Satoru-kun's hand me downs too! Every once in awhile, we all go to Satoru-kun's house to collect the clothes that he no longer wears. That's why if you look at my SNS posts, you'll likely see that I'm wearing the same clothes that Satoru-kun once wore, so please be sure to look out for that! (laughs).

Soma: You sure do wear alot of my clothes (laughs). I'm not fixated on a particular fashion style, but I do like clothes, so I have plenty of them. Lately, I've been addicted to crop tops. That's why today's outfit was so much fun to wear, because it showed off my stomach!

Miyazawa: I have a basic collection of street brands. Most of them are oversized items. The only pants I have are the wide kinds.

Suzuki: I'm the type of person who values material and comfort when it comes to clothes. Even if the design is really cute, I won't buy it if it doesn't feel good against my skin. That's why I pick clothes that actually feel "comfortable on my skin~" when I touch them! I like styles that are between street and normcore. I like healthy vibes!

"When this magazine goes on sale, you'll be in the midst of the Final Live Tour. Along with your enthusiasm, please tell us what you're looking forward to."

Saito: To be honest, with the exception of Sendai and Shizuoka, I've never been to any of the locations on this tour! I only went Shizuoka to film the movie, so I've never been sightseeing there. That's why I'm really looking forward to going all over the country.

Suzuki: It'll all be new scenery!

Miyazawa: Is there anything you'd like to eat when we're in a particular place?

Saito: There's a whole bunch of stuff I want to eat! I want to eat seafood in Sapporo, mentaiko and mizutaki in Fukuoka, and drink local sake in Niigata. I'd like to eat a variety of delicious foods from all over the country, and to eventually return home with a weight gain of about 3kg (laughs).

"That sounds really exciting!"

Suzuki: I don't know if we'll be able to do it, but if everyone's free the day after the show ends, we should rent a car and go for a drive.

Saito: Our driver will naturally be Soma Satoru!

All: (laughs).

Soma: Sounds good, I'd love to take a drive! The tour will take us to many different locations, so this is our chance to finally meet fans we haven't been able to see at our previous events, such as G-Rosso and SUMMER STATION. That's why I want to value my time on stage and enjoy the unique atmosphere of the various regions.

Hayama: I'm also nervous since we'll be performing our character songs. Everyone's songs are great, so I'm personally looking forward to seeing the five of us performing them on stage!

Miyazawa: After the broadcast of the main series, the G-Rosso performances, and the current Final Live Tour, we're really at the very end. I hope to have a good time with everyone who's supported us for more than a year now.

Iuchi: That's right. I'm sure that I'll have the opportunity to stand in front of my fans in the future, such as at film stage greetings, but this'll be the last time I'll actually appear in costume as my character. So, I want to do my best to make this a stage that'll remain in the memories of our fans for a long time.

"Starting from May 1, V-Cinext will be showing "Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger VS King-Ohger" for a limited time. What kind of film is it?"

Soma: As shown in the trailer, Nicola, who was a guest character in the Summer film "Promise the Circuit," makes a reappearance, and the fact that Bundorio's eyes have turned an intense red is another important detail.

Suzuki: There's an ominous feeling floating around that something will happen.

"The main story itself is a continuation of the story of the five members who headed to the BBG. Since King-Ohger is involved in the story, we think that people who have seen Boonboomger's main series will enjoy it, and that it'll be interesting for King-Ohger fans as well."

Hayama: I saw the video of the King-Ohgers and Boonboomgers standing side by side, but the King-Ohgers have a very fantasy like appearance to them, wouldn't you say? However, we in Boonboomger are dressed in a way that could blend in with regular people if we tried hard enough, so the contrast was really interesting!

Miyazawa: The worldviews in King-Ohger and Boonboomger are completely different.

Hayama: Also, on a personal note, I have scenes with Yanma Gast, King-Ohger's Blue member, and it made me really nervous since he's a senior from my agency (laughs).

Iuchi: In this film, Taiya goes to the world of King-Ohger together with Yarucar, who's an enemy in the main series. I had watched King-Ohger, so it was incredibly fresh and fun to shoot in King-Ohger's world.

Soma: We mentioned this for the final episode of Boonboomger, but it's really difficult to film in front of a green screen.

Iuchi: It was hard! You have to act in an imaginary world.

Hayama: King-Ohger's members had been filming in front of a green screen for over a year, so it made me once again think about how amazing they were.

"Finally, please give a message to the fans who are suffering from Boonboomger loss."

Miyazawa: Boonboomger's main series has reached its final episode, but the world of Boonboomger isn't over. First, I hope that you'll look forward to the upcoming film, enjoy the Final Live Tour to the fullest, and finally, I hope to end the tour happily with all the Boonboomger members, as well as all the supporters who'll come to see us.

Soma: Thanks to my performance in Boonboomger, both children and people of all ages have become aware of my existence, and I've grown both as an actor and as a person. And in this way, I feel like I want to use the areas where I've grown the most to ultimately deliver something to the people who supported me. So, I think it's been a year that was made possible by all the supporters who've cheered us on, and going forward, with the Final Live Tour and upcoming film, I hope everyone enjoys them until the very end.

Saito: It's truly thanks to everyone's support that we've made it this far. It makes me happy that you felt sad after it was over, but more than anything, it'd be great if you could say, "I had a fun year!"

Suzuki: Recently, the child of someone I know who came to the G-Rosso show said to me, "Keep doing your best, Boonboomger!" When I heard that, although we'll often say that "the story of Boonboomger will continue," I felt that for small children, the end of the program isn't the end of the story, and that they really think that the Boonboomgers will continue to save the world. For this reason, we must continue to work hard, and I'd like to continue creating a variety of works in the future.

Soma: I'll be a Boonboomger until I die.

Hayama: Throughout the year, Boonboomger conveyed the message of "taking control of your own wheel." So even if you're going through a tough time, I hope you'll receive our message and remember us when you have to do your best on something in the future.

Iuchi: As everyone has already said, having loss just shows how much you liked and loved us, so I'm truly grateful and can only thank you for that. I myself was very sad when Boonboomger ended, but when the fans said they were also suffering from loss, I realized that I wasn't alone, and that those who watched the show felt the same way as I did. For that reason, we'll give you so much "cranked up," that you'll forget all about your lonely feelings, so let's end things by having fun together!

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ssaalexblake · 3 days ago

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The thirteenth doctor is Really mean when she's angry (and she's angry very frequently) and her shielding her companions from that 95% of the time is her trying her hardest not to take her own issues out on them. It Doesn't always work, sometimes she slips and is cruel to them, but she tries.

Just because she's not quite got that the way to deal with your anger Isn't to bottle it up and then take it out on bad guys and evil aliens when you get the chance, doesn't mean she's not making a genuine effort to Not be a jerk to her friends.

I mean, I know full well that acting nice as pie to them and then finding somebody to take the aggression out on is not a healthy coping mechanism. There is no way on earth that the doctor would ever know this.

And sure, she's also trying her hardest to keep them around and not show them her darker side, but that doesn't mean she's not also trying not to hurt them. She does a lot of shielding them to protect them in different ways.

Fandom really needs to stop acting like we're her companions in s11-12 who don't also get to see behind the curtain into her private moments. I'd forgive the fam for not knowing about some of her rage and meanness because she Is trying hard to keep a lid on it, but We're not them. We get to see her taking this out on bad guys in private. We get to see her alone. We're not supposed to have the same view of her as the fam because we know more about her

She's mean, toothy, angry, callous, trying her damn hardest to shield her friends from these things. She's happy, she wants to help, she adores science, she will put herself in danger for others. She'll try and help still even if she wants to curl up in a ball and cry.

By Flux, Yaz knows her Far better and thirteen knows this and it's why they're in conflict more often. Yaz isn't the type to let things go easily (or at all) and Thirteen is confident that Yaz won't ditch her and for all this relationship seems more contentious, they're on much more equal footing now.

But like, thirteen is a mean angry person, she's not a screamer or a cryer, she'll lose her temper and aim a verbal hit below the belt in a low pitched growl. I forgive the fam for missing this one at first because it was intentional that they did, but the audience is supposed to be able to identify behavioural differences when she's with one group of people and another group. Or just notice in general that she's nasty to people when she loses her temper.

It's not the show's fault the audience didn't pay attention. Or that it thinks women's anger is screaming and crying and that everything else should be disregarded as nothing.

#dw shit

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grape-jucie-dog · 3 days ago

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I'm currently sleeping deprived and bored, take this thing my goofy ahh brain came up with earlier

EPIC: The Horror Game Saga!

(What if the Epic the musical characters hunted down their respective voice actors?)

Congratulations! You've all just finished voicing for the hit Greek Mythology musical, EPIC! That's a wrap everyone! But wait… why are we suddenly in a palace? The objective is simple. Collect certain items seen throughout the story of EPIC, and you'll get to go home! Just watch out for the characters you and your cast voiced. Let's just say some of them aren't too happy about what they've gone through, and it looks like you're their next target.

Most characters will directly attack only their designated voice actor. But that doesn't entirely mean they won't attack someone else, either. It all depends on who you encounter.

Odysseus and Jorge:

Keep your head down. Whatever you do, keep your head down. Duck behind and underthings, stay silent, and please: AVOID THE TORCHES. It's likely he will aim if you're near a light source. Remember: Odysseus knows every inch of his palace, and he's not one to forget his own creation easily. Stay out of his way as much as possible, and have fun trying to collect a copy of his infamous bow.

Athena and Teagan:

Athena will appear harmless, but it's all an act. She's testing your awareness. DON'T. LOOK. AWAY. That's exactly what she wants you to do. She moves when you aren't looking, and she's fast. You must keep your eyes on her nearly at all times. Remember, she has a blind spot now, and you might be able to use her partial blindness against her. You'll have to use your wits and awareness to get her helmet.

Zeus and Luke:

He'll be watching from the skies, watching everything that's happening. He's one of the few that waits outside. Avoid standing out in open areas. (No item to collect yet.)

Poseidon and Steven R:

He's lurking in the water. Whatever you do DON'T GO NEAR THE WATER. Don't touch it, don't look at it, don't even breathe near it. He's in every form of water, and as long as you're away from that, you'll be okay. If you get caught, you get a 50/50 chance of surviving. The only way you'll live, however, is to become ruthless. You may end up having to sacrifice one, if not multiple of your teammates to retrieve a copy of his Trident.

Hermes and TROY:

Surely Hermes just wants to help… right? Well, it's 50/50 if he'll help you are not. After all, he's here to cause all kinds of drama. Occasionally, you may receive useful items, something to help calm the other characters. Other times, he'll give you something completely useless, or even potentially deadly. It's a gamble whether to trust him or not, and that's what makes him all the more dangerous. If you entertain him enough, he might hand over a copy of his sandals.

(More to come when I think about it)

#grape rambles #epic the musical #epic the musical au #← ?#epic: the horror game saga #epic the musical athena #hermes epic the musical #zeus epic the musical #epic the musical poseidon #odysseus epic the musical #post epic but its a horror game #idk man it's 2 am

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batcavescolony · 11 months ago

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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

#katniss everdeen #the hunger games trilogy #the hunger games #primrose everdeen #hunger games #batcavescolony reads the hunger games #suzanne collins #'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl #and this isn't negative just bffr girl #your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is #old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU #...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in #CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the #reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously #shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent #so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to #district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie #and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give #them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like #some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12 #cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact #that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good #these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the #hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to #comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but #of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.

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morninkim · 7 months ago

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As a show of good faith toward the remaining Decepticons at the beginning of a new, united Cybertron, newly appointed Senators Bumblebee and Soundwave allowed Shatter and Dropkick to enlist into Autobot City's Defense Team.

These two turned out to be... not the best choices.

The city may have fallen to Insurgent Decepticon occupation had it not been for young recruits Hot Rod and Arcee's accidental interception of Shatter's communication with the fugitive Starscream.

To replace the errant Defense Team members, Springer and Blurr were reassigned from Iacon to Autobot City in their stead.

#my art #tf reconstruction #transformers #bumblebee movie #tf shatter #tf dropkick #maccadam #transformers au #semi-introduction to my idea for antagonists in tf:r - specifically being movie villains slotted into my au #bc if the main crux of the main reconstruction story in autobot city is about hot rod and her rise to becoming rodimus prime #which comes from the First movie - why not loosely adapt other movies too??#ive got ideas for most of them already - kinda jumping back and forth between the modern day story and my pre-war ''downfall'' story #which gives my brain a break from thinking about one to think about another #anyway - i imagine the first ''episode'' of tf:r would be like. hot rod shows up in autobot city on her first day > meets the team #> gets assigned arcee as her partner > arcee hates it > they over hear shatter talking to someone they don't recognise because rod's nosey #> huh that's weird > they intercept it next time by accident > its a communication to starscream about the city's defenses #> they take it to ultra magnus but they break the pad on the way because they were arguing about it #> ''hot rod i know you're new here. and you're intrigued about the war and everything. but we shouldn't be suspicious of everyone wearing a #purple badge. give them a chance.'' > arcee drops it bc she doesn't wanna start trouble + ''magnus will handle it. he always does somehow.'#> rod does not drop it and makes blaster monitor shatter's messages for anything unusual > blaster indulges her bc he's endeared to her #> he does end up intercepting an encrypted message > rod immediately acts and chases after shatter and dropkick on an outside-city mission #> arcee goes after her to stop her from fucking up really bad > blaster unencrypts the message. it's a rendezvous point to start an invasio #> magnus kup blaster and perceptor all head out to help the two young'uns before they get in over their heads #> rod and arcee meet and fight starscream and barely make it out by the skin of the teeth thanks to the more experienced autobots arrival #> starscream shatter dropkick and whoever else is there are driven off #> day is saved - magnus commends rod's gut instincts but rod goes back to what magnus said about not trusting bots with purple badges #> she was right this time but its an exception not a rule and most other decepticons in the city want to live in peace #> magnus also commends that attitude and the team head back > starscream starts plotting his Next Big Plan #''post credits'' scene of magnus putting the request in for springer and blurr + robot dinosaur opening its eye in the dark👀👀#longwinded but ya thats like the Clearest idea for Specific Events so far other things are Stuff I Want To Happen

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shitpostingsapphic · 5 months ago

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Why I don't feel disappointed by Vi's arc, but you might

I usually have pretty strong and polarizing opinions when it comes to my takes on Arcane, but this is one where I wanna open up the discussion a bit more and invite people to my perspective, and it's fine if you don't see it this way.

I think there are two primary reasons why people feel disappointed by the arc of s2 Vi. The first, being that Vi had stronger voiced concerns about the state of Zaun in the first season. The second, being that she spent the whole show wanting to be with her sister and she didn't end up getting that.

Why I actually feel fulfilled in Vi's arc has to do with these two points, and I invite you to sit with what I have to say next.

Both of these parts of Vi have to do with her fatal flaw: her neglect of self.

We know two things based on what the creators have said about the show: the theme of Arcane is the cycle of violence, and the entire show was written together, instead of season 2 being written after season 1 production. From this, I can then ask: what do the creators want to tell their audience about this message, knowing they wrote it all out together, knowing the events of season 2 were very purposeful, using Vi as a conduit for that message?

If violence is a cycle, can one person defy it? No, of course not. At the start of Vi's arc, she wants to be a person that breaks it, though. She wants to change things in Zaun, wants a better life for her sister. As season 1 continues on, she wants to pick up where she left off with Powder without truly processing the gravity of the years between them. She thinks she can hold the world on her shoulders and fix any problem that comes her way. She thinks she can use her fists to make progress, thinks she can physically reach out and create change, but it only contributes to the cycle. And that's not because she's morally in the wrong when she does so, but she doesn't grasp yet that her fists can't fix everything. Vander tries to tell her as such in act 1, and it's a lesson that goes beyond just the literal application.

Vi's tendency to try and fix everything around her leads to her neglect of self. Inevitably, when you try to change things you have no control over, it leaves wounds. It leaves a person feeling like something is deeply wrong with them. And we watch Vi go down this spiral. I actually find myself really brokenhearted watching Vi in the first 2 acts, because I think she represents a lot of us: we see pain and devastation around us, but we don't know what the right thing to do is. We try different tactics and try to fix things and are left wondering why things feel worse than how they started.

I think that's something a lot of viewers could benefit to reflect on: I think in watching a show with strong political messaging, we yearn for a message that tells us the answers to these big problems. Truthfully, most of us don't have a fucking clue what we're doing. We want change but don't know how to see it through. That includes the writers. This isn't a show about the solution to political strife. It's about the cycle of violence. It's about not knowing how to change something that's been continuous throughout history in some form.

If we put ourselves in Vi's shoes, it would eventually take a toll on us to try and change something that isn't within our ability to change. Vi can't fix the problems in Zaun. Vi can't change the way time and distance and pain has warped her sister into someone else. In season 2 act 1, she's still trying to take responsibility for things that are outside of her control. She blames herself for the way Jinx has changed and has to tell herself that the only way to fix it is to end the cycle with her own fists. She teams up with Caitlyn because she's convinced herself it's the only way she can help. She sees how violence has devastated not only Zaun but innocents in Piltover as well, and she feels responsible for it.

BUT SHE IS NOT AT FAULT. And she cannot fix it any more than she could have created it.

Perhaps people may feel Vi's arc is lacking because they wanted to see more of her involvement in the revolution of Zaun. They wanted to see her be able to change the situation with her sister and for them to live happily together. But because of the circumstances surrounding both, for Vi to do so, she would inevitably lean into her fatal flaw. She cannot do either of those things without neglecting herself. That's not who she is.

The whole point of a character arc is for someone to be a changed person from beginning to end. If Vi starts out as someone passionate about enacting change to the point of self-destruction, what would a resolution for a character like that look like?

Vi needs to choose herself. Vi needs to release herself of the responsibility of changing the world. She can't do it. There are ways to contribute to positive change that don't involve putting the world on your shoulders, and Vi has yet to put herself first in any situation. Vi choosing love is how she does it.

Amanda Overton, one of the main writers that contributed to Vi's character and the Caitlyn and Vi dynamic and relationship, said about Vi: "If she has no one left to protect, she would fall in love". If Vi finally lets go of this crutch of hers to protect, to fight, to take responsibility for things that aren't her burden to bear, she would fall in love. She would finally be able to choose something for herself.

This is why I find her arc fulfilling. I feel like it's not an arc we really see a lot. It's not every day we have a character that starts out like the classic anime slash marvel protagonist, and instead of being the person that saves the world, they accept they're not a superhero and it's okay to choose love and personal happiness.

If it applies, and you're reading this, I want you to ask yourself: are you perhaps disappointed with her arc because you expected her to be the superhero? And would you be okay with accepting that she isn't and doesn't need to be? That it would be better for her to choose herself?

#arcane analysis #arcane discussion #arcane discourse #arcane #vi ar #vi arcane #caitlyn kiramman #caitlyn x vi #caitvi #violyn #arcane league of legends #arcane lol #arcane league of lesbians

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apple-onigiri · 2 months ago

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a distillation of adolescent rage within bonnie

as promised, here's a bit of an analysis of bonnie, specifically of how much their character is defined and fueled by anger, where that anger is coming from, and how much exactly of it is genuine and how much is there just to feel a bit more safe and a bit less confused. because man, bonnie is so well-written, it needs to be talked about more, and this aspect of them is especially handled really well

i also love them deeply, there's that. okay let's go team

to establish the facts: bonnie being angry is really the first thing we learn about them, and what siffrin's first association with them is at the point where we meet the party. it's even in their first memory's description. see? right there.

and i mean, they have a full right to be, don't they? the country is in a crisis. and while they've grown close to the rest of the party, the reason they're traveling with them in the first place is because they had to run away from their town, which they probably don't remember ever leaving beforehand, and leave their sister behind because she got frozen in time.

this is some scary stuff, especially for a kid, whose peace of mind relies on stability and familiarity. any turmoil introduced into even something as small as a daily routine can seriously mess them up, much less a separation from their one trusted guardian and a displacement of such a degree. i shudder to think what their thought process was when they were running from the curse before siffrin spotted them and the party took them in - they must've been so scared. i can't think about that too long or i feel like crying tho let's move on ok

bonnie is obviously mad at the king. they're so angry. well, who wouldn't be? he's the cause of all this. they want vengeance, they want justice, they want to help take him down! and doing only things they're limited to by the adults in the group feels like it's not enough.

this is a bit of a sidenote but this conversation hints at just how anxious bonnie's attachment style is. we know nille ran away with them from home and are given not much detail besides that, if only because bonnie was tiny and doesn't remember much of that, but both the fact that you don't have to remember something for it to shape the way you are and the fact that nille is probably pretty busy keeping both herself and her little sibling alive may be the reasons for bonnie's fear of abandonment and need to be useful

bonnie's entire friendquest stems from them needing to feel like they're contributing more, that's why they ask siffrin to teach them how to fight. and they ask siffrin specifically because they, despite their strained relationship at the moment, hold him in high regard and trust him to say if something is actually off-limits because, in their mind, he doesn't baby them needlessly.

that's rare for a kid, to not be overly coddled.

ok, back on track from the attachment style tangent, rise rise rise where is your rage back on

bonnie is even more mad at the king when they finally are facing him. and he's crying and despairing, and having the gall to act all pathetic. and bonnie can't take that. they have been so brave, keeping it together this entire time, and this guy, the cause of all this despair, dares to act like that? what gives him the right?

kids often default to expressing simpler emotions they can fully process and understand when an unexpected feeling corners them or when their defense system kicks in and deems an emotion too harmful to fully experience; they round up to the closest emotion they can and go with that. bonnie is, of course, angry, but they're also full of fear about everything that's happening that's getting tuned out for their own self-preservation, and they feel a lot of indignation and confusion about this adult that doesn't even have the decency to have his shit together to the same degree bonnie does. bonnie doesn't understand him or why he did what he did, and it feels unfair that they were staying strong and the king can just fall apart like that. but anger is easier, so it all gets rounded to that.

recognizing the layers of bonnie's emotions and how one is caused by another is key to understanding them as a character. but honestly, the king isn't the strongest example we've got to show this, however - siffrin is a better one.

we're introduced to bonnie with them acting distant towards siffrin. only in act 1 are we able to experience what the natural dynamic between those two has been ever since siffrin lost their eye, and it's genuinely a little heartbreaking. it's a lot of siffrin being awkward and jumpy, unsure how to approach bonnie, and bonnie being huffy and disconnected, not really playing into the conversation.

things are tense and neither of them is equipped to diffuse the situation. it's so, so sad because context clues tell us they used to be close - siffrin was the first one to call bonnie "bonbon" but he doesn't do that anymore, bonnie avoids even just eye contact with him, and the way they're acting is clearly something siffrin believes to be a sign of bonnie decidedly not liking them anymore.

(this "being hated" is a surprise tool that will help us later)

while we don't know why things are the way they are at first, we later learn that it's because siffrin doesn't see getting hurt while protecting bonnie as a big deal. and bonnie is upset that he got really, really seriously hurt to the point of losing an eye and he's just waving it off. there's a few things at hand here that go into bonnie's seemingly simple reaction.

the issue here largely comes from siffrin's avoidance of talking about their internal state. because they waved things off, not wanting to talk about it, bonnie didn't have the chance to talk things through either, and process them healthily. the guilt, fear and sadness stemming from someone you care about getting hurt because they kept you safe all go unaddressed.

additionally, there's a cognitive distortion that kids often suffer from where they think everything happening is their fault, even when they were in no way involved in causing it, may play a part here. because their world is just so small, if kids can't pin the blame on something else (since it may be something they're not aware of or too vague), it doesn't compute, so they immediately place the blame on themselves.

there's of course an additional doom spiral of bonnie acting closed off, siffrin taking it as them hating him, and bonnie taking that as siffrin drifting away, and the cycle perpetuating because no one in the party wants to budge into this. everyone is allergic to communication.

the crux of it is, bonnie isn't really angry at siffrin, not in the way they are at the king. it's just easier for their preteen brain to categorize what they're feeling as anger, as a defense mechanism, and point those emotions outwards instead of keeping them inside. it's easier to lash out than regurgitate those feelings and let them eat away at them. so they act out, and scream, and call siffrin stupid.

and we have one than one example of bonnie lashing out with anger because that's the easiest option. it's certainly easier than figuring out what emotions they're exactly feeling and dealing with them without admitting they're a kid that doesn't understand how to do it alone.

among them is of course the way they act when they overhear the others talking about what to do if anyone dies, and the connected rotten adults event. after that safe room, bonnie is remarkably closed off, and if you go to the poem room, they read the book on funerary rites and then pointedly pretend to not do so when asked what they're doing.

it's an incredibly exemplary interaction, i think. because they're surprised, we get an almost step by step for their thought process, and it goes a bit like this:

i didn't mean for you to see me look at this and i want you to not know about it -> stop talking like you know what i was doing because i don't want you to know about it -> i want you to think it's nothing important so that you're not more interested -> i'll tell you i'm okay because that may make you think you don't need to look -> it's not working, so i'm going to tell you directly to stop looking at what i'm doing, or at me, because, again, i don't want you to know i'm in distress -> i'm feeling a lot of things so i need to expel them in some way, "shut up" -> this is isn't working, i need to deflect and give you something else to focus on

this avoidance and giving over the reins to anger instead of processing anything is something bonnie resorts to a lot when overloaded by a lot of different emotions they can't deal with

in bonnie's mind, talking about it is bad because it's distressing, and scary, and makes them think of awful scenarios they don't want to come true, and not talking about it means not feeling all that, and that's surely better. there's also that defense mechanism at work, the externalizing of negative emotions and pointing them outward instead of letting them hurt the inside. and it kicks in on full throttle when siffrin tries to comfort bonnie.

anyone who's been in an adolescent age in their life can recognize this emotion. wanting someone to just go away, leave you alone, stop talking about something or doing something. to bonnie, if you don't talk about something, it's not real, and siffrin comforting them a. anchors the cause of their state in reality, b. confirms they don't have everything together because they needed comforting in the first place. and that's no good! so they act out. it's like a deimatic behavior, a tactic to scare off something that you would otherwise have no choice but to give in to. they're not unlike a cat hissing and puffing up to seem bigger. you know those spicy kitten videos where they just do firecracker noises at a human hand closing in on them? yeah.

and it works!! to an inordinate degree because the object of it was siffrin who a. is extremely prone to believing people hate him, b. entered a time loop because he cares so much about these people and staying with them. told you that surprise tool would come back. in bonnie's defense, people usually don't rewind time when you do that, and just back off until your emotional state is calm enough that you can talk without feeling like imploding.

it's alright, siffrin just needs enough time to assemble their own thoughts before approaching bonnie again. and when he does, we see how to overcome the obstacle of an adolescent attempting to avoid a conversation concerning unpleasant feelings.

siffrin just gives bonnie space to experience those big feelings safely and explains calmly why something happened in the first place. when they try to avoid a conversation, he just gives them time to think about it instead of giving them any sort of pep-talk, and they talk it out calmly, and make a promise to reassure bonnie that they're both gonna keep each other safe. siffrin genuinely does a remarkable joke here. no one does it better than them nothing awful will ever happen. fans of love and friendship don't think too hard about end of act 3

to drive the point home, we get a bit of an awful reprise of bonnie lashing out as a self-defense tactic in act 5 because they're overwhelmed by just how upset siffrin made them by risking getting hurt on purpose just so they could be stronger. they do the same thing as before, resorting to throwing out hurtful words to scare off the source of all those intersecting negative feelings, and, since they can now, run away.

it needs to be understood that bonnie is not a kid pointlessly angry at nothing in particular and everything around them. their anger is in direct response to too many things happening at once and them having trouble processing all of it, and instead resorting to simplifying their emotions into one very primal one, and expelling it outwards in a form of them lashing out. they're going through an already confusing time of changes you're forced to go through during your adolescence - and a national curse-related crisis is not helping. when given the tools and space to process in an environment they feel is safe, they're not nearly as wrathful.

i guess the tl;dr is this - while they have a bit of a fiery personality and some of their rage is fully justified, bonnie for the most part acts out in anger because it feels like it's keeping them safe and allowing them to not bottle in things that are too confusing to them; it's already a scary world out there for a preteen entering the world of more complex emotions, and being far away from your sister and mid-way through a national crisis is making it even worse.

it might be a bit less noticeable because they spend most of the game upset at siffrin, so we don't see a lot of their sweeter side in one-on-one conversations as much, but honestly, they're such a sweet kid. so cute too, they're extremely endearing. it's no wonder the party is hell-bent on protecting them no matter what.

#finally!!! it's outtttt told you i'd do it #in stars and time #isat #isat bonnie #isat siffrin #isat meta #isat analysis #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #in stars and time act 5 spoilers #pondering #siffrin #bonnie

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astonmartinii · 1 year ago

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passion for fashion | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x fem it girl!reader

she's everything and he's just ken (in a red bull shirt)

MASTERLIST | TIPS

vogue

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 490,233 others

tagged: yourusername

vogue: it's the start of the f1 season, you know what that means... y/n y/ln fashion season is in session

view all comments

user1: @yourusername make sure you're windows are bolted shut tongiht... you're on my rob list

user2: and mine PLEASE SPARE ME SOME OF YOUR CLOTHES

user3: her and lewis hamilton are the only real ones in that paddock

user4: the way they're still besties despite what went down in 2021 >>>

lewishamilton: me and y/n 🤝 making the paddock our runway

yourusername: someone has to make it interesting around here

lewishamilton: see @maxverstappen1 even y/n is bored of you winning everything...

maxverstappen1: womp womp

lewishamilton: womp womp ???? have some decorum

maxverstappen1: jokes on you i don't know what that means

user5: i wish i looked that good candidly

user6: at what point do we stage an intervention for max's wardrobe

user7: babe if the girlfriend effect still hasn't hit then it's terminal

user8: especially when your girlfriend is Y/N Y/LN

maxverstappen1: i'd do anything for her <3

yourusername: even wear something other than red bull merch?

maxverstappen1: let's not get too far ahead of ourselves

user9: i love them your honour

yourusername

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tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: max verstappen wins, water is wet

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user11: water is wet and i will be drowning myself in it tonight

user12: me after hearing the dutch national anthem one too many times

landonorris: tell him he has too many already and he should let his best friend have a go

yourusername: he said that's not possible because i don't know how to drive an f1 car

landonorris: nuh uh you can't be his best friend and his girlfriend that's not fair

maxverstappen1: welp, idk what to tell you buddy

landonorris: i feel BETRAYED

yourusername: i'm sorry i'm just that loveable lando... i see how it is

landonorris: HOW HAVE I BECOME THE VILLAIN?

user13: max terrorises them on the grid and in the paddock they maximise their joint slay to terrorise everyone in a two mile radius

user14: they slay so much i can't even be angry at it

danielricciardo: so that's why i was kicked out of the elevator

yourusername: you weren't kicked out it was your floor?

danielricciardo: why did i not make the post? I THOUGHT I MEANT MORE TO YOU

maxverstappen1: just because we both had teenage crushes on you doesn't make you special. you'd have to fight seb and jenson for real special treatment

yourusername: throw fernando and kimi in there as well.

danielricciardo: i was confident in my fighting chances, but i'll leave nando and kimi to it

maxverstappen1: pussy

danielricciardo: EXCUSE ME

yourusername: idk how we got here but don't talk to my boyf that way daniel 😔

danielricciardo: i'm blocking both of you

user15: i am so baffled

user16: IT couple for real

maxverstappen1

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 1,034,448 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: clocked in for my shift as the trophy husband to the prettiest girl in the world

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user17: max verstappen why is there a whisper meme in your photo dump

user18: his ass acting like he wasn't at one of the most prestigious galas in the world

charles_leclerc: YOU got an invite and that's the best you could do

maxverstappen1: you better take that back right now y/n dressed me tonight and i look SEXY and COOL

yourusername: charles :( he looks very handsome

charles_leclerc: my bad y/n i wasn't aware that was your pick

yourusername: SAY HE'S HANDSOME CHARLES

charles_leclerc: ??? no

yourusername: wow. you really aren't a girls girl charles. i am disappointed

maxverstappen1: does our history mean nothing charles? i have no issue recreating the inchident at the next race

charles_leclerc: FINE. you look very handsome max

yourusername: more passion please

charles_leclerc: you look very handsome max!

yourusername: more! give the lestappen girlies some crumbs to feed on

charles_leclerc: YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME

maxverstappen1: thank you 😊

user19: ignoring what ever the fuck that was ... MAX IN A SUIT WHAT THE FUCK MAX IN A SUIT

user20: y/n y/ln the woman you are

user21: so how can we implement this willingness to wear a suit into his paddock fashion

lewishamilton: you might have to waterboard him

charles_leclerc: i volunteer as tribute !

yourusername: 🤨

maxverstappen1: 🤨

f1paddockfashion

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tagged: maxverstappen1 & yourusername

f1paddockfashion: max verstappen in non-red bull attire? MAX VERSTAPPEN IN NON-RED BULL ATTIRE? also y/n slaying as per.

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user24: this is - i don't know how to feel

user25: maybe the real max verstappen in non red-bull attire was the friends we made along the way

user26: i am CELEBRATING but ladies do remember it's still alpha tauri 😭😭😭

user27: please let us have this while we can

user28: it's not plastered with sponsors so we'll take it

user29: idk about you guys but i think this means y/n should be knighted for her services

user30: i actually think prying the red bull merch out of max's hands might be the hardest thing in the world

user31: call me crazy but those jeans look kinda baggy 😳

user32: omg they definitely are

user33: death to the skinny jeans? fuck it first child named after y/n

user34: can we maybe get y/n in charge of max's merch cause the shit he sells should be considered criminal

user35: for real we need babe in the board room asap

user36: fuck it get her in the red bull board room as well

user37: go all the way and get her with the f1 execs

yourusername

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yourusername: i love him even if all he wears is red bull

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user39: so ... who made the inchident shirt?

charles_leclerc: and how do i get one?

maxverstappen1: i got it made and considering you DON'T think i'm handsome you can go fuck yourself :)

charles_leclerc: GASP. that is my face you have to make me one

maxverstappen1: boooooo no i don't

charles_leclerc: can i copyright my face? i'm sending you a cease and desist

maxverstappen1: fine. but you will never look as hot as y/n in it

charles_leclerc: so you can call me ugly? @yourusername ???

yourusername: it was a compliment to me so soz

user40: the way she's fashion's IT girl and she still loves him even though his whole wardrobe should be burned

user41: real love

maxverstappen1: i love you. i wear my red bull merch to give you the runway

yourusername: sureeeee ... i love you too xx

maxverstappen1: let me live 😭😭😭

yourusername: the girls are dragging your name babe i need them to know HOW SEXY YOU ARE

maxverstappen1: i don't care how sexy they find me, as long as you love me that's all i need

yourusername: you're SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE YOU

maxverstappen1: I LOVE YOU TOO

user42: can they chill? some people on here are lonely

maxverstappen1

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 1,033,461 others

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maxverstappen1: my closet looks like this, so her's can look like this :)

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user43: max verstappen i misunderstood you. i was unfamiliar with your game.

user44: he's the standard now i fear

user45: a man who wears the same three outfits so you can have the whole walk-in for your collection >>

yourusername: thank you babe. you are god's strongest soldier

maxverstappen1: i AM. that room is scary. there's too much that i don't understand. so many shoes, so many straps i can't navigate it

yourusername: that's okay baby. there's your red bull draw and that's all you need

maxverstappen1: no the people don't understand. i went in there once and i swear i ended up in narnia

yourusername: you passed out with the AC on the highest level and jimmy and sassy sat on you. you were not in narnia

maxverstappen1: oh. well...

user46: this is the closet y/n deserves the rest of that house is defo a mojo dojo casa house

user47: fighting all the trophies, helmets and framed race suits with her narnia closet

lilymunhe: may i request a trip to the narnia closet x

yourusername: omg yes! come over next time you and alex are in monaco - the boys can entertain themselves

alexalbon: what if i want a closet tour as well?

maxverstappen1: don't do it alex you'll never find your way back out

alexalbon: (i was going to strategically leave a pair of albon athletics shoes in there)

yourusername: alex i already own a pair i bought them release day!

alexalbon: OMG ... one instagram pic so my sales can go platinum?

maxverstappen1: don't try and pimp my gf out

alexalbon: ???

yourusername: max 😭 and sure alex!

fin.

note: thank you for reading soz for the long waits between posts a girl has been BUSY but i hope you've all enjoyed! happy galentines day or palentines day to all that celebrate and thanks for 4.7k!! xx

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen #max verstappen social media au

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cakypa120 · 16 days ago

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Brothers and sisters. Great words. Just not for those who have a brother and/or sister. Billy can speak from experience.

Mary:*holds Billy in a chokehold*

Freddy: Mary! Mary! Mary!

And even in their Champion forms, his dear sister and dear brother don't hesitate to hit him. Billy responds to these attacks, too. And in the end, you can see how the three heroes are clinging to a bunch of arms and legs. Biting, pinching and spitting. The usual.

Except the League thinks that the Captain is their father. And they see how he acts with them.

Junior:*flies laughing under his breath, thinking of something nasty*

Billy:*brother's senses activated*

He throws lightning at Junior, causing him to fall to the ground. As Billy later learned, Freddy wanted to steal Batman's batarangs and hide them in Marvel's room to frame the Captain in front of Batman. Everything would have been fine, but Superman witnessed the scene.

Batman witnessed Captain dragging Mary Marvel by the leg while her face was stuck in the floor. Flash watched as Marvel used Junior as a cannonball to knock down a flying villain. There were many other instances where the heroes saw Marvel abuse his "children." So they gathered and talked to Marvel.

Diana: Brother, the way you treat your children is inappropriate.

Billy: Children?

Barry: Yeah, man, Mary Marvel and Junior, don't play dumb. We figured it out.

Bruce: We want you to give us partial custody of the kids.

Billy: *looks at the League and smirks* Fine. I agree. I'll leave them in your care this weekend since I have some work to do and they won't be supervised.

Barry: What's so hard about babysitting?

A few hours later.

Barry: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TRYING TO OPEN A PORTAL TO HELL?!?!

Billy:*calmly sipping juice while playing poker with demons* How did you even get through to me?

Barry: It doesn't matter! ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!

Billy: They do that a lot. Check the ingredients, usually a sacrifice is required to open a portal.

Barry: What?! Nightwing is missing! And Kid Flash too! OH MY GOD!!

Billy: So they didn't get it right the first time. Bye. I have things to do.*hangs up phone*

Demon: You dumped Junior and Mary Marvel on them?

Billy: Yeah. I need a goddamn vacation. All in.

In a few minutes.

Hal: What do unicorns eat?!

Billy: Ambrosia, but you can give them candy. They like that. What happened?

Hal: Mary brought a unicorn to our base! She said you always told her not to bring a unicorn home! Why does that thing look like it came out of hell?!

Billy: Trust me, the unicorns from hell are much prettier than these. Don't let them bite you. The hallucinations are worse than drugs. Bye.

In a few more minutes.

Bruce: Captain. How long will you be gone?

Billy: *on the golf course with Black Adam* Uh, until Monday? I told you I'd leave them to you. If Junior is going to try to create a body for his dead brother again, tell him I forbid him to do so, the laws of magic forbid him to do so, and Kit himself forbids him to do so. Last time it was a mess of bones and flesh.

Bruce: What? No, that's not it. Mary Marvel has been staring at the wall for several minutes now, unmoving.

Billy: That's fine. She's just talking to the Gods.

Bruce: Gods? But which ones?

Billy: I don't know. Bye.

Adam: You dumped Mary and Freddy on them? Did you get them coins to swim across the river? I don't think they'll survive.

Billy: The supernova hasn't happened yet, so we're good.

Billy eventually shows up at the Watchtower, energized and strong. The League is silent as the hellfire burns in the center of the conference room, roasting a hellish boar.

Billy: Mm, barbecue. Why didn't you tell me? I could use some of the tears of sinners. Perfect for that kind of meat.

Barry: Cap, are these really your kids?

Billy: No, these are my older brother and sister. Thanks for looking after them.

He takes the boar and leaves, while the League looks on in mute horror.

#billy batson #dcu #dc captain marvel #captain marvel #shazam #fawcett city #fawcett comics #jl #mary bromfield #freddie freeman #I have a younger brother and sister #If you didn't fight #you just wasted the day.

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mlyscha · 6 months ago

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𝒮𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗐𝖺𝗅𝗄 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗈𝗋𝗒

( ENHYPEN ── 𝒻𝗼𝗿. 𝓒ARE. ) ⸝⸝ ℐ𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 . . . the sidewalk theory is proven to be true by your boyfriend, making your heart flutter. 𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾 : fluff. 𝓌𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌! none. ( 𝗐𝖼. 93O ) 𝓮𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮' … 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗈𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽, 𝖾𝗇𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗁 𝗂𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋-𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗀𝖾 ༘ . 𝒻! 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋.

𝒶-𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲. remember when i was thanking you guys for the 60+ followers... we are close to hit 100, WHAT?! thank you guys <3 ya'll are truly amazing (,,>﹏<,,) i also wanted to mention that i mainly use british english but i wrote pavement as sidewalk because i like this word better, you can judge me...

𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍! ♡ 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾&𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀&𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍.

SUNGHOON LOVES YOU FROM THE bottom of his heart. he is in fact so deep in love that he recently begun to create possible scenarios that could include you and him in the future ━ such as marriage.

okay, let's just not go that far. i might emphasise that, if you are expecting him to show affection in front of others or constantly do so in a daily basis, your fate is to be frustrated. the thing is that he just doesn't feel like doing it to prove his love for you. still, it's not like he has no necessity to kiss you, or hug you and all. he simply think different than most of people.

one of the things sunghoon figured out since he begun to fall in love with you and date you is that: protecting means loving, safety means forever. with that being said, he mainly prioritise protecting you more than everything; because, safety means forever, right? and he wants you to be his forever because he loves you ━ and loving means protecting.

also, since he was a little boy his mum taught him how to be a gentleman, and you can confirm your mother-in-law did a great job at it. sunghoon is just so polite, respectful, always respecting your boundaries ━ but still acting like that characteristic playfulness of a young boy when he feels acting like it.

talking about his mum's teaching, i might mention one thing that he learned, said his mum back then: "if someone you love is in this part of the sidewalk" she reefers to the part closer to the street. "and you want to keep them safe, make sure to switch places with them ━ just like i am doing with you." little sunghoon checks which part of the pavement he was walking on. "see? you're away from the danger of the streets, you know why?" "because you love me...?" "right! good boy!" ━ sunghoon from the future might not even remember this little lesson his mum taught him a long ago, but it glued to his mind until it became a normal thing to do.

now, dating this amazing man for almost two years, the sidewalk theory became your roman empire. you heard about this theory on tiktok, and from that point, you never felt the same way. i mean, since both of you were just friends he always did that, however, it was never that deep, you know? and since the beginning of your relationship you've never really figured this thing out.

so, nowadays, going out with your boyfriend is something else. sometimes you just want to feel that giddiness one more time, asking for a midnight walk to the convenience store with him, just to see him unconsciously touching your shoulders and gently switching places with you ━ and eat an ice cream. that scenario actually became kind of usual, but never failing to make you feel the same special way.

"hoon...?" you called his name hesitantly, not wanting to ruin his sleepy state since it was late. "baby?"

"mhm..." he groaned.

"can i ask you one thing?"

"mhm,"

"why do you do that?"

"mhm?"

"that, sunghoon, you know what i'm talking about!" you whispered-yelled, looking up to check on him, being met with his closed eyes and frowned brows.

"mhm-hm..." he denied.

"come on... you know? the sidewalk thing?"

"what sidewalk thing?" he spoke with a groggy voice.

"you know, when you switch sides with me..."

"i do it?"

"yeah!" you saw his right eye peaking at you, then closing again.

"mhm," sunghoon took a deep breath before asking: "what about it?"

"why do you do that?"

"i don't know," he shrugged. "may i ask why...?"

"because i like it..." you replied, admitting.

"why?"

"is cute,"

"mhm..." a cheeky grin was held in by him.

"why are you trying to hold that smile, mr. sidewalk?"

"hey!" his cute giggle echoed and that big grin found its way to escape. "don't call me that..."

"huh? want me to call you what then?" you teased, feeling his hold onto your waist gently tighten and his head snuggle onto the crook of your neck. "oh... someone's feeling a little clingy today, mhm?" his touch immediately went away. "noooo~ come back, mr. clingy man!"

"okay, stop this, don't call me those names,"

"i asked you which name would you want me to call you, mr. grumpy man..."

"call me baby, okay?! call me darling, sweetie even cupcake, i don't care," your boyfriend spoke impatiently. "now let me sleep, woman."

"eh? woman?"

"baby... baby, let your boyfriend rest, 'kay?"

"okay, you can sleep..." you squinted your eyes. "call me woman one more time and you'll be called mr. dumped man!"

bonus scene! ⭑

"[...] AND I TOLD HER! BUT then she was like: "i don't know about any of that bullshit", and i was like-"

"yeah, right," casually, sunghoon places his hands on both of your shoulders and move you to the other side of the sidewalk. "...and then?" noticing you subtle silence, he continued, wanting to know about what was going on with your friend.

"um... and i was like..."

"you were like...?"

"you did it again!"

"you told her that?"

"no! you did this again," you looked down at the pavement.

"paid attention? what?" poor sunghoon, got confused about what you meant.

"the sidewalk thing!" you were trying to make him figure out what you were talking about a few days ago.

"oh? did i?" he checked himself, slowly figuring it out.

"yes, you did," you nodded while smiling.

holding a big smile, he scrunched his nose and cleaning his throat. "anyway, tell me what you really told her then, baby."

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benegesseritofficial · 10 months ago

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The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche

I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.

Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.

I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.

All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.

Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.

#the locked tomb #tlt #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #cosplay #nona the ninth

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zyafics · 8 months ago

Text

PLAY FAKE | 13

MASTERLIST (Series)

Pairing — Rafe Cameron x Female Reader .ᐟ

Summary — When Rafe needs to secure a girlfriend for his father to see him as a viable candidate for Cameron Development, he enlists the help of a bartender who wants nothing to do with him.

Content — 18+, smut, angst, depictions of jealousy + aggression, emotional turmoil, mild descriptions of violence, and usage of drugs.

"Are you busy?"

The phone call came at the stroke of midnight. Rafe had just gotten away from a lengthy discussion with his father regarding the open properties around Kildare and wanted nothing more than to crash out. But he answered without hesitation when your name flashed across the screen.

"No," he pauses. "Do you need me?"

You do, but you're reluctant to confirm that piece of information. Flattening your lips on the other line, you rub the back of your hand over your tired eyes as a prolonged silence engulfs the call.

But Rafe understands. With a firm I'm coming over, he disconnects the call to pick up his keys.

You've been home for a couple days now, having stayed at Tannyhill for a little over a week. However, with Sarah's return, you felt you'd overstayed your welcome and needed to part ways. Despite Rafe's protests, you insisted, needing to find your own space in the aftermath of everything.

He had hated the way you phrased it. That you needed a place without him.

When he reaches your driveway, Rafe discerns two silhouettes on your porch. Adrenaline spikes, assuming it was Aaron—and that was the reason for your distress call—but upon closer inspection, with the headlights of his car glaring in that direction, the clarity hits.

Maybank and Heyward.

His stomach twists at the realization that he wasn't your first recipient. That you went back to your roots before coming to him. Now, more than ever, Rafe has a bleeding need for some security, to be your first choice.

He doesn't like to be set in the backseat to a pair of Pogues.

Turning off the ignition, Rafe exits the vehicle just as Heyward and Maybank launch from your porch steps with rigid defense. Their eyes narrow at him in suspicion as he stalks up the long pebbled pavement.

"What are you doing here, Rafe?" Pope interrogates in lieu of a greeting.

Rafe scoffs, stuffing his hands into his pocket. "How is that any of your business, Pogue?"

JJ jumps in. "If you're here for Aaron—"

"I'm not," Rafe snaps, not liking any association with the loan shark, before admitting, "She called me."

A moment of suspense punctures the air before JJ disrupts it, shaking his head with disbelief. "Bullshit. Why the fuck would she contact a Kook?"

It's an insult, the way Maybank's lips curled with the title and Rafe huffs. He doesn't owe him any explanation and certainly won't give one. Stepping forward, Rafe attempts to enter your house, only for the two boys to block his path.

"Move," Rafe commands lowly.

Pope tries to meditate. "Look, I don't know what you're doing here, but she's been through some things and we don't want any more problems—"

Rafe doesn't bother listening to whatever else he has to say. He knows. He knows what you've been through and he's here because of it, not to add to it. But the accusation is thick on Pope's tongue, fueling his irritation. He attempts to shove past both of them, only for JJ to push back.

Shouting stirs you awake. That's a lie. You've been staring at the ceiling for the past hour, hoping it'll lull you to sleep, only for the act to be unproductive. When you start to hear sounds coming from outside, you know Rafe arrived.

Pushing past the screen door, you step out onto the porch to witness JJ and Rafe in the middle of a standoff.

Charged words thrown back and forth, you recognize the dark look behind Rafe's gaze as JJ keeps pushing Rafe's chest—one full of deep agitation, seconds away from snapping.

Your stomach flips with nausea.

"Back off, JJ," you announce sharply to the open yard, causing the trio to direct their attention to you. You briefly connect your gaze with Rafe before turning to the younger blond. "I called him."

JJ's hands drop from Rafe's chest, taking a step back, but there's a look of unsteadiness behind his gaze. Confusion spreads across his hard features while his mouth twists into an ugly scowl. "For what?"

"Does it matter?" You refute, avoiding his question. JJ cocks his head, only for you to add, "You can go home now."

JJ frowns, turning to Pope as they exchange a silent debate. When all Pope could give is a casual shrug, knowing it's your decision at the end of the day, JJ turns back to you.

"You could've let us stay," JJ reasons, throwing a harsh glance over his shoulder at Rafe. "What could a Kook do for you?"

"It's fine. He's my…" You trail off, unable to find the right words to label Rafe. Your initial ideas are too compromising. And Rafe doesn't want your relationship to be seen as complicated to the Kook public, since your interactions could circulate back to Ward. But here, in the sanction of The Cut, you know there's no intersection. No need for security. You shake your head with a tired yet reassuring smile. "It's okay. I appreciate you guys' help."

Rafe hates how you didn't say it.

With a heavy sigh, JJ nods. "Alright," he says, clapping his hands and signaling Pope to descend off the porch. They pair off as they head home and, sparing one last glance at Rafe—who's ascending up the short steps to approach you—JJ bids a final farewell. "Call us if you need anything."

Rafe's arm wraps protectively around your waist. "She won't."

You roll your eyes, shoulders relaxing from their rigid stance, as you watch their departing figures. Once they're no longer in view, you take his arm and tug him into your house.

The short stroll to your bedroom is mostly silent and Rafe takes inventory of your home for any disturbance. Since he ordered that cleaning service, your house is significantly cleaner. You had initially refused his charity but he refused to take no for an answer and you ended up with a grade-A cleaning company that polished your home from all the broken debris and dangerous hazards.

But that wasn't the problem.

When Rafe steps into your bedroom, it's an absolute mess. Pillows are skewed across the floor, your sheets wrinkled and tangled upon each other, and piles of your clothes are thrown together into a pile next to your closet. It greatly contrasts the environment outside your door.

"Shit," you mumble, embarrassment flooding through your body. You move from his touch to do some quick cleaning—throwing your pillows back on the bed, picking up dirty clothes, and tossing them into the hamper.

Abashment increases with each of your frantic steps, to the point that Rafe has to grab your elbow to stop you in place. "Hey," he says softly, lifting your gaze to his, "I don't mind."

You don't say anything. Fatigue pours into the very crevices of your bones. But despite the urge to be presentable, Rafe is a comfort. A clutch. And it's getting dangerous seeing how much you lean on him.

It's on the tip of your tongue to push him away. To tell him to go back home. But he beats you to it, glancing at the door.

"Where's your sister?" Rafe asks. "Are they okay?"

"They're fine," you answer, "They're sleeping."

You assumed Amara and Leilani would deal with the same troubles as you, but when you checked up on them, they were out like a light.

Rafe examines you carefully: the way you shift your weight from one leg to the next, the way your hands slightly tremble, and the clear indication of sleep deprivation from the darkened shades ringed around your eyes.

He understands now.

"And you're not?"

Your jaw locks before unwinding. "I'm sorry."

He wants to eradicate that phrase from your vocabulary.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," he argues. "You have a problem and you called me. I'm here to help."

Rafe's words are adamant and warms your chest but guilt presses like glass against your heart. "Were you busy?"

"Doesn't matter."

You frown. But the look in his eyes is genuine and honest. You take a step back to separate from him, needing your own air. As of late, everything you own is his. "I…" You exhale a large breath, voice shaky. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong."

"Is it because of Aaron?"

You hesitate before nodding once.

"Have you seen him?"

"No, and I think that's the problem." You expel another breath. "I'm on edge all the time. My chest feels heavy and tight and my head hurts." You pause, before choking out. "I'm just so exhausted."

Rafe closes the distance and wraps his strong arms around you as you sink into his chest. You inhale, taking in the faded smell of his cologne.

"I hate this," you mumble, balling the fabric of his shirt into fists. "I hate that I can't sleep. I hate that I'm always stressed. I hate that—" You cut yourself off, not wanting to reveal too much. Swallowing hard, you attempt to salvage your words. "I just hate that I'm like this."

Frustration oozes out of you and Rafe hates to see you in this state. However, he'll admit, having you vulnerable and open is a welcoming change. You're allowing him a chance to see a side of you no one else has the privilege to and he deeply treasures your trust.

He'll do anything to preserve it.

Rafe massages delicate circles into the small of your back, soothing the aches in your bones as you melt into his arms. "It's okay," he reassures with a sweet mumble, "I'm here. What do you need from me?"

"I just want to sleep."

"Then we'll sleep."

"No sex." You withdraw enough for him to meet your solemn gaze, "No touching. I don't want to do anything other than sleep."

"Okay." He agrees slowly, his voice is unsteady because of your accusatory tone.

"I'm serious, Rafe," you proclaim. "I know we like to mess around, but I'm too tired. I don't want to fuck tonight."

Rafe's expression is unreadable, stonewalling his emotions the moment those words slipped from your lips. Did you think he only sees you as a fuck buddy?

"I said okay," he snaps, a little sharper than intended, but you pretend not to acknowledge it. You misunderstand it as him being upset over the celibacy rule imposed tonight, but that wasn't the case.

You swallow hard, not wanting his aggression to roll over into bed. "Rafe," you begin, feeling guilty, "if you don't want to, it's fine—"

"I never said that," he cuts you off, not wanting the implication to be read that he doesn't want you here. He does. It hurts him that you think he sees you as nothing—when that's far from the truth. He just can't seem to say it. "I just..." His jaw tightens. "Let's just go to bed."

Your lips pull together into a thin line, wanting to address the issue, but deciding you cannot handle an argument tonight. Nodding, you separate from him and move to one side of the bed. Rafe does the same.

You thought Rafe would take some precaution to add distance between you but he doesn't. You can feel the overwhelming radiation of his body heat, the indication of his proximity in close range, and it causes your breath to be still.

You can't handle it. You need distance. You need space. It's too intimate otherwise, and you can't afford that.

Pulling yourself to the ledge, with your back facing Rafe, you inhale a deep set of breaths to soothe the tension in your body. To pretend you don't feel the heat of his gaze. "Goodnight."

He doesn't answer at first, before he reciprocates with a night and you close your eyes to sleep.

Rafe watches you. The first few minutes are normal, but as time passes, you can't seem to relax in your position. Twisting and turning, your eyes remain closed throughout. The only sound is the soft breaths escaping you to indicate your sleepy state—or, at least, the closest attempt at it.

His mind still lingers on your earlier words. Do you think he doesn't care about you? Beyond intimacy? Is that why you called Maybank and Heyward first?

Rafe never thought you had an issue with it. That you were perfectly content with the arrangement. But the accusation on your tongue gave a different interpretation. Do you want more? Or, is he driving himself insane with the idea of you being his and only his?

Lost in the spiral of his own thoughts, Rafe didn't even realize that you moved closer. Your back now facing the wall as one of your arms extends outward, draped across his chest.

He freezes. Rafe assumes it's an accident, something you'll retract in a matter of seconds. But when your arm reaches out again, seeking the curve of his neck, he realizes it isn't.

You want him.

Taking it as a sign, Rafe lowers himself to grab the underside of your thigh, pulling your weight onto him. The moment you're in his embrace, chest resting against his, you wrap your arms around his shoulders. And, in return, Rafe nuzzles into the open crook of your neck, inhaling your scent.

"No touching, huh?" He mumbles into the softness of your skin as a gentle taunt. But when there's nothing but the sound of shallow breaths and the emptiness of replies, Rafe realizes you truly fell asleep.

You reached for him unconsciously.

His heart races at the implication, before calming to a normal rate, matching the steady guided pace of your own breaths. His grip around your body tightens, squeezing the soft flesh because, at that moment, he doesn't ever want to let you go.

"You need me," Rafe murmurs the confirmation in the column of your throat, hoping the words would sink through. "And I need you too."

—

By morning, you're gone.

It shouldn't come as a surprise. Every time he spends the night, there's a brief hope that the outcome for the morning will be different. That you'll remain in his arms, sleeping soundly. It never happens. And despite the subtle ache in his bones from the weight of your body on top of his all night, it beats the ache in his heart.

Sighing, after washing up, Rafe exits your bedroom to discover you sitting on one of the stools. A leg propped on the flat seat, your chin rests on your kneecap while you're flipping through some old documents.

"Morning," Rafe says, falling into the space next to yours.

"Shit," you swear, nearly jumping out of your own skin, a hand covering your accelerated heart. You hadn't heard him coming. "You scared me."

"Sorry," he apologizes sincerely, his eyes scanning over your refreshed face. "You sleep okay?"

You nod, recalling the memory of this morning. Curled up on his arms, head buried in the curve of his neck, your body pressed against his. At first, you assumed Rafe had pulled you in, but that wasn't possible. He wouldn't go against your directive. It was all you.

The corner of his mouth rises at the recognition dawning on your face. Before he gets the chance to make some comment about your neediness, you cut him off. "Don't," you warn, feeling a rush of heat rising to your cheeks.

"I haven't said anything,"

"I see it on your face,"

He scoffs, but the smile remains. "You're right," he relents, leaning closer, shortening the distance between you until he's right before you. "I was thinking of it."

Your eyes catch him and the teasing glint behind his gaze, causing your breath to shorten. You expel a breath, trying to release some tension in your shoulders, before you clarify, "All we did was sleep."

"Yeah, but you slept on me," his voice drops a full octave, "Admit it, sweetheart, you want me. Why else would you want me here?"

You search his face, trying to figure out what he wants. What he's trying to get out of you. But you find nothing tangible. Refusing to put yourself in another position of vulnerability when Rafe has done nothing to balance the scale, you scale back, adding space. "I just—I needed someone I trust."

You don't acknowledge that his assertion is correct. That the one time you fell asleep peacefully was in his arms. Or, perhaps, it wasn't necessarily about trust but about him. Instead, you pretend it's something else, something vague and general, hoping one day it will.

"Someone," Rafe repeats. "Or me?"

You avoid the question.

And Rafe assumes the former.

Dropping your gaze to the files, the air stiffens into a palpable silence. Your fingers thread through the records, pretending to search for something, when all you can feel is the thumping of your heartbeat in your veins.

Rafe releases a sigh. The elation of his state quickly deflates after your rejection. Again. He doesn't know how much longer he can take before it truly destroys him. Deciding to shift the conversation elsewhere, he asks, "Do you want me to stay again?"

"No, it's fine," you shake your head, dismissing the proposition out of habit. Even though it would bring you peace, the rational side of your brain determines the distance necessary to protect yourself. Becoming too reliant on Rafe would add nothing but pain. "You can go home," you pause, considering how to lighten the mood, "I bet the mattress here sucks in comparison to your one-million thread counts, huh?"

There's a strain to your voice; a telltale sign. Rafe ignores your words and focuses on what he does best: reading your body language. With squared shoulders and an avoidant gaze, he knows your words are far from the truth. You just don't know how to ask for what you want.

So, he proposes a different question.

"But can you sleep?"

You don't answer.

"I'll stay then," he decides, as if he's reading an item off a menu. Before you get a chance to object, Rafe shifts closer, tugging the corner of a document. "What's this?"

Your mouth closes, shoulders slouching from how quickly he changes the topic. It almost makes you smile. Deciding it would be better than fighting it, you explain that you're reviewing your Sailor bank accounts to see what money you can spare without harming the business. However, the issue is that you can't seem to find any gaps.

Rafe's brows furrow together as he listens, asking permission to take a look at your statements himself. His eyes scan through the billing, before asking. "Why don't you sell the business and work elsewhere?"

"You're not funny," you declare, attempting to pull the document away, but his grip remains firm. His eyes are set on yours.

"I'm not joking," he declares. "It could help a lot. I mean, you'll earn more than what you're earning here."

He isn't wrong. At this point in time, you would profit more by working as a bartender than a business owner. But that's not the point.

"Sailor is my family's legacy," you explain, believing his question was not an attack on your qualification but rather from a strictly logical standpoint. "It and my sisters are the most important things in my life."

Rafe hums, and he doesn't add anything else. You don't know if he gets it. "Let me ask you something: why do you want Cameron Development so badly?"

He goes rigid. He's never been asked that question before. Never had to articulate his reasoning. It makes him uncomfortable to be interviewed—especially if it's to you of all people. "I don't know," he declares noncommittally, glancing at his lap, "I always assumed I would get it. I'm the oldest."

You shake your head. Not out of mistrust, but because you know him. Rafe isn't as simple-minded as the rest of Kildare likes to believe. There has to be more. "I don't believe that," you say gently, "Try again."

His expression morphs into a charming smile. A facade to hide. "Do I get something if I talk?"

You roll your eyes. "It's always sex with you, isn't it?"

His smile drops, but you don't pick it up. He shouldn't have said that, but it's too late. Your expression is easygoing and loose, a detachment to your words as if you truly believe and accept that perception of how he views you.

Instead of addressing his feelings, he tries to articulate what he meant before.

"I don't know," Rafe starts again, in a low mumble, his voice more vulnerable than it was moments prior. "Business was the one thing I got. I... I didn't excel in academics and I didn't like sports that much. But with Cameron Development, it was the one thing me and my dad could sit down and talk about and I didn't feel like a big disappointment to him."

He never said those words out loud before, and the confession sounds pathetic, but the way your eyes soften and your head nods along as you listen with no judgment, it gives him the confidence to continue forward.

"I... I get it, you know? The numbers don't scare me and the logic makes sense. It's the one thing I have going for me and to know that my dad is considering giving it to Sarah... It hurts. Like, she has everything and I can't even have the one thing I'm good at."

His voice cracks at the end, and his gaze has since dropped to the floor, hands messing and rubbing the calloused skin of the other.

You reach forward to cup the side of his face, and lift his head, meeting his sensitive gaze. "It isn't fair," you run the pad of your thumb over his cheekbone, trying to soothe the ache of his admission. "It truly isn't. I wish I could make it better for you."

Too gentle. Too loving. In the comfort of your touch, Rafe speaks before he can stop himself. "Sometimes I think if I have you, I'll be fine with the world."

Your breathing stills. Rafe did too. You don't know if you misheard him, or if he's implying something else, but before you can seek clarification, the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it." Rafe swiftly pulls away, moving to the exit. His hands clench by his side, teeth grinding, regret coursing through his veins at the mistake of letting his emotions overtake him back there.

He shouldn't have said that.

When he opens the door, without checking the peephole, JJ stands behind it.

"Oh, you're still here," JJ declares with a hint of bewilderment. "Didn't think she kept dogs past noon."

Rafe's already on edge from the previous conversation that he has little patience for the Pogue. Seconds away from slamming the door on Maybank's smug face, you appear by Rafe's side, stopping him and inviting JJ in. He steps into your living room, holding something in his hands.

"What's that?" You point to the crumpled note, before recognizing his nervous stance. JJ's bouncing on the heel of his feet, avoiding your gaze, and when you repeat your question, more firmly this time, he reluctantly holds the note out.

"Someone left this at your bar," JJ explains as you take it. Your eyes quickly scan the message, your heart sinking with every word you read. "It's a warning. If you don't... If you don't pay him back in full tomorrow, he'll do something to your bar."

Rafe's watching your reaction with a hardened look. His eyes keep sliding over to JJ, the Pogue being the messenger of the news—the one you sought help from before—and the blond feels the heat of his stare on him. Consequently, it forces JJ to grab your elbow and pull you off to the side, away from Rafe.

JJ begins. "Look, I know you don't wanna do it, but my dad knows a guy—"

"No."

"He's been through with Aaron before," he whispers back sharply, "It might be the only option you have."

"And get stuck in the same shit I had with Aaron? No," you declare firmly, reading the note again. It does nothing to soothe the heightened nerves in your body. The way panic is ricocheting inside your stomach like a ping-pong ball.

JJ says nothing, the absolute behind your tone quiets him. While you're preoccupied with another read-through, JJ glances back to where Rafe stands.

"I gotta ask," JJ starts again, lowering his voice so only you can hear. You lift your head from the note, meeting his curious gaze, with a raise of your brow. "Rafe? Seriously?"

While you're trying to figure out how to maintain your livelihood, JJ is concerned about your love life.

"Is this really the time and place?"

"I'm serious, what do you see in him?"

"Drop it, JJ."

"I just don't understand," he continues in a whisper, but his volume raises slightly, "I swear, you're a pretty girl. You can do 10x better than him—"

"JJ," you command sternly, all amusement vanishes. "Drop it."

"Fine," he stays, stepping back with both hands partially raised to his collar. He doesn't turn to catch another glimpse at Rafe, but instead, offers the same advice as he did before. "If you need my help, you know where to find me."

Rafe watches as the Pogue leaves, stepping out to your porch and closing the door behind him. But his breath remains ragged. He caught the last bit of JJ's hushed words, and as much as he wanted to be sensible, he didn't like it.

You're different than Rafe, he understands that. You have a support system, a list of other people, and sometimes—as much as he hates to admit—they are better than him. Less volatile. Less emotional.

But it feels like you're pushing him away. Placing him as a last line of defense for all your troubles. The insecure parts of him are roaring—louder than his rational thoughts can ever be—telling him that he's the last choice. The last option.

He can't help but wonder. If Leilani hadn't called him, would you have? Or would it be JJ or Pope?

Rafe rounds the couch to approach you, his hand circles your wrist holding the note. Your head lifts to meet his harsh gaze.

"You don't need his help," he declares gruffly, "I could've done it."

You blink. "What?"

"The note at the bar," he gestures to the crumpled paper in your hands, before dropping his to his side, clenching down to a fist. "I could've taken care of it."

"I... I didn't ask him. He did it himself."

Rafe isn't convinced. "And last night with Maybank and Heyward, that was all them too?"

His tone is sharp and accusatory, leaving you lightheaded as you stare at him. You're still wrapped up around the threatening note, but Rafe is somewhere else. A different topic. Another issue. You can't seem to gauge what type of response you need to have. And in turn, you give him silence.

His anger rises. "Am I just your second choice? Your fucking backup plan because those Pogues don't cut it?"

Your head is spinning, and you attempt to pull away from his grip but he tightens it. "Rafe," you start slowly, your breathing quickens, "What are you talking about?"

Are you being ignorant on purpose? Are you trying to drive him mad? His fury erupts, flooding all his senses.

"Them!" Rafe points to the door, where JJ left moments ago. "Last night. Everything. Did you ask them before you asked me?"

It's starting to catch up. "Are you serious?"

"I told you that we'll figure it out together."

"I—" Your throat burns. You can't believe he's letting his jealousy about your friends come at a perilous stage in your life. Exhaling a sharp breath, you meet his stare head-on. "They appointed themselves to that role. I never asked that of them."

After Pope discovered the break-in, JJ and him formed a pact to take it upon themselves to watch over you while you're home. They traded off shifts, entertaining themselves on the porch where they set up a makeshift couch and hammock to crash. You had tried to convince them you were fine, but they were stubborn. They wouldn't listen. And at the time, you appreciated the extra protection.

But it didn't work. You couldn't sleep. You still needed him.

Does he not get that?

Rafe scoffs, shaking his head with contempt, "You never ask for anything."

"Are you really trying to start a fight right now?"

"Are you making it a fight?"

"They're my friends, Rafe," you emphasize, "I told you that."

"I'm not talking about that."

"Then what is it?"

His jaw is set, resistance churning through his system to shut the fuck up, but he can't hold it in. He finds himself asking, half in plead, half in confession, "What am I?"

You weren't expecting that. Your lips part, but no words follow through. His hard gaze is on you, waiting for an explanation, but you don't answer fast enough. It's killing him. His next words are a shimmering calm, in a deadly whisper, "Do you think I only want you for sex?"

Your heart squeezes in your chest, taking all your air alongside it. You think you lost your ability to speak, but when you do, it comes out small. "Don't you?"

You're turning the question back onto him, and he hates it. He's trying to get the words out of you, to see where he stands, but neither of you is willing to take that step. It reduces him to silence.

You can't believe it. He can ask, but he can't answer. Frustration fills you, searing hot and explosive. You don't stop yourself from saying, "Because last I remember, whenever you had a problem, you came over to fuck." You snap, your emotions rising to a crescendo, "And when I asked you what we are..." You trail off, losing your voice. The sting of his label still hasn't passed.

But he knows what you're referring to.

"That's different."

"How?"

Rafe doesn't speak. All he knows is it's different. He has feelings for you. Before he refused to acknowledge it, now, it's bleeding into everything he touches. Everything he does. He just can't seem to say it.

"That was before."

Your brows pull together, your anger pulsating through your veins. "Before what? Before Aaron broke into my house?"

"No," he declares, his response is a knee-jerk reaction, but it wasn't the right one. Attempting to rectify, Rafe stammers, "Well, yes, but it's just... It's..."

Why can't he fucking tell you?

He's afraid of being first.

"It's pity?" You supply, not bothering to conceal the hurt in your tone. "Everything is just pity?"

"No!" He exclaims, but it isn't right. It still isn't good enough.

"Then what is it?" You demand, trying to get a hold of your emotions. But you're seconds away from screaming, or crying, or both. You rip your hand from Rafe's grip, taking a step back to conserve yourself.

His gaze falls to his empty hands, his emotions choking him. Every attempt at saying the right words causes him to shrink, feeling small, feeling like a child reaching for their parent's love, only to be pushed aside and dismissed. His walls are for protection, but it destroys as much as it save him.

Rafe decides to settle on something easy. "I'm your boyfriend."

"Fake," you correct.

"Does this feel fucking fake to you?"

You reel back. All your anger dissipates. All your resentment, hurt, and frustration disappear once those words leave his lips. And you're left with a burning clarity. Your chest constricts, your heart hammering. But you can't seem to answer him. You want him to say it first. "You tell me."

Rafe can't. It took all of him to admit such a thing.

You watch him with bated breath, but only to be disappointed again. His dark blue eyes are piercing, rich with emotions, but none of them are vocalized. None are honest. You can’t do this. You can’t go through another second of this uncertainty. You’re tunneling towards heartbreaking misery. So, you turn to leave.

But Rafe catches your wrist and pulls you back. His lips slam into yours, knocking the wind from your lungs.

He pours everything into this kiss; all his desperation, vulnerability, and truth. His action demonstrates everything his words can’t. And while you reciprocate with the same passion, reality grounds you, and you draw back, shaking your head. “Rafe—“

He kisses you again. Hoping it’s enough. Begging it to be. He can’t say it. He doesn’t know why he can’t fucking say it. He wants this to be enough.

You push back again, and this time, his arm wraps around your waist, trapping you in his embrace. You’re breathing hard as Rafe stares down at you while you’re looking at his chest.

He says your name. You refuse to look up.

He says it again. More firmly. You don’t acknowledge.

“Sweetheart,” he finally says, softening his words, and you find yourself crying. Tears crowd your waterline as you shake your head, refusing to be persuaded by the sweet sound of your endearment.

“No,” you choke out, slamming a weak fist against his chest. “Let me go. I can’t—I don’t—I’m not doing this.”

You finally tilt your head up to look at him. The way he stares at you with such tenderness. You can’t seem to discern it from pity. “I can’t.” You sob, “If this is how you’re playing me, I can’t keep doing this anymore. You’re breaking my heart.“

Then it finally hits him.

All your resistance. It was never rejection. It was the complete opposite. Coupled with the same fears he had; the same emotions he didn’t know how to express. He’s been so blind to it.

He should’ve known. He should’ve read it the same way he’s been reading everything else.

It finally gave him the confidence nothing else has.

“I fucking love you.”

You are completely still. You think you're hearing him wrong, that this is just a way of your brain deluding you and calming your irrational state of mind, but it's real. Your lips part, breathing shallow, all while you're staring back into Rafe's eyes.

He's afraid. Rafe doesn't trust his own instincts. Everything about you makes him question himself. And while he gained a fleeting moment of courage, he doesn't know if it will follow through. On the off-chance that, despite all this, all the signs he read, he was wrong and it will be rejection.

"Say it back," Rafe whispers in a plea. It's pathetic, but he no longer cares. "Say it back or I'm going to lose my fucking mind."

"You love me?" You breathe in a whisper, unable to move on from this moment. Rafe squeezes his eyes shut, swallowing thickly, before nodding once.

“I think I loved you since I first met you,” he confesses. “I just didn’t know it yet.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

Rafe bristles, “You think I go around telling people I love them?” He declares, studying your expression, trying to gauge your reaction, but it’s hard when he’s blinded by the crippling fear that you don’t feel the same. “You think I do this for anyone?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, “I just don’t want you to say something you don’t mean.”

“I do mean it,” he declares, his voice suddenly dry, as he finds your gaze. “I… I’m sorry for before when I said things I didn’t mean. I don’t want you just for sex, I don’t see you as just a fuck buddy. I’m… I’m in love with you, and it’s fucking difficult to tell you that.”

Your lips purse together, but you still don’t answer him. Don’t confess your own side. Instead, you ask in a meek voice, “Since the beginning?”

He huffs. He can’t believe he’s admitting so much today. Revealing things he swore he’d keep hidden behind a locked box. But when he finds the light returning in your eyes, trying to gauge more of his reaction, read his true meaning, finding comfort in his words, he’ll rip out his own soul to keep it there. “Since the beginning. When you called me out, when you patched me up, when you slapped me—“ That bit makes you let out a small laugh, “I don’t think I was going to meet anyone who challenges and accepts me the way you do.”

You don’t say anything for the next few moments. And they were the longest seconds of his life. Rafe had to speak, “And if it’s just me, if I’m the only person who feels this way, I’ll find a way to be okay with that—“

You cut him off with a kiss.

“I love you,” you breathe into his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck, “I love you,” you jump, curving your legs around his hips as Rafe catches you, steadying you with two hands tantalizing skimming the curve of your ass. “Fuck, Rafe, I love you so much.”

His heart fills with your words. Your desperation clinging to each puncture. He grins into the kiss, before he deepens it, tasting you, stealing your air. Everything feels right. Feels good. When Rafe separates to break the kiss, he catches the residue smile on your face and the little daze behind your eyes. He snaps a memory of it and saves it forever.

But, just as it came, it slowly faded away. Reality quickly dawns on you, and your arms tightens around Rafe’s neck, reminders and deadlines creeping up your skin. Your confession comes out small. “I… I’m scared. With Aaron and everything.”

“Sweetheart…”

“I don’t have the money, Rafe,” your eyes connect with his. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Rafe pulls you in, flushed against his chest as your head lays on his shoulders and his hand strokes your hair. It takes a moment for him to process, to remember the world outside of you. But, when he does, he whispers, “I’m going to take care of it,” his voice so low, it almost comes out as a threat. “I’ll take care of you.”

And he will.

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TAGLIST FOR PF: @uraesthete / @maybankslover / @trshngyn / @irides-solstice / @groovycass / @emmalandry / @rivaiken / @outlawedmando / @ditzyzombiesblog / @mattyskies / @sunshinepanic / @too-deviant / @rafesgiirl / @vvvhack / @rafestaurusgf / @cami-is-reading / @peachesmilk / @whore4fictionalman / @artemiswinnick / @janediazwindsor / @pandora-rosier1 / @solanathascientst / @itshellie / @grace-sully / @loveyouok / @tayrcse / @mysteris-things / @ella131989 / @starrkissezz / @sanriobuny / @chopshopcheesecake / @fentyxmalik / @fleets-world / @supernaturalwriter / @taylorsmissamericanna / @hehelollmao / @lac0nically / @elysiasshit / @kravitzwhore / @tommysaxes / @ma-yang / @carolinaxvz / @bandsbooks / @sourjoonie / @rafemotherfuckingcameron / @mintforadollar / @ihe4rttwd

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