#but seriously. i would KILL to even just occasionally keep something SHORT

[queen-scribbles]

*checks angst prompt fill word count*

lol. lmao, even

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

Wishing on Golden Stars [7]

Before the Meteor Shower

genre: isekai, slow burn, fluff, hurt/comfort, humor(?)

chapter warning(s)!!!: feelings of distress/anxiety

chapter w.count: 4.1k

a/n: maybe its bc i rushed editing this one- but what used to be my favorite chapter in the m.post draft feels soo messy now :(( hopefully it's not as bad as i think

It’s the second week after your annual illness and your body already feels like it never tried killing you in the first place. The soreness in your joints has improved to the occasional ache alone. You were back to work with Thoma and following Ayaka out on errands or small trips she’s required to take as the Shirasagi Himegimi. You even manage to shake off the feeling of awkwardness that accompanied you from Ayato’s out-of-left field actions from before. Able to once again force him to take breaks and sneak him sweets when Thoma’s not looking. 

It was all returning to normal, and it was relieving. 

Outside, your current chore was sweeping around the steps at the Kamisato gate while the samurai patrolling constantly got in your way. You never liked them since they always seem to look down on Thoma; so, you try your best to agitate them in ways that could never actually land you with any disciplinary repercussions. 

“Y/n!” Ayaka calls, coming up to you with her fan covering her mouth out of habit. “Have you heard about the meteor shower that’s going to be taking place?” You stop sweeping and hold your broom out juuust enough so that the samurai behind you has to step just slightly out to the right to avoid tripping on it. 

“Sure haven’t.” Behind her fan, Ayaka’s eyes shut, and a small giggle of amusement leaves her. 

“A scholar from Sumeru has been predicting the last few Teyvat has experienced. Apparently, when he announces yet another prediction people tend to take him seriously.” 

“Yeah? I don’t remember any meteor showers since I’ve been here though.” 

“That’s why it’s so exciting this year! Every year before, you’ve always been sick.” 

“Everytime?!” Your jaw drops. What kind of bad luck is that? “Well, I better not just develop some nasty cold or food poisoning or something before this one.” 

“The initial prediction is tonight, so I’m sure you’ll be able to see it this year.” You blink at her before looking at the midday sky. Tonight? She sure is telling you on kind of short notice. Maybe it was her way of trying not to stress you out so that no sickness could come and ruin your chance again?

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. At least you know now. 

“Well, then I’ll be right as rain!” You smile with your friend before she’s suggesting you come back inside with her. You do so, mostly so that the samurai’s glare would stop burning the back of your head so much. 

With the newfound excitement of seeing a meteor shower, the rest of the day seemed to drag on far too slowly. Even back in reality, you haven't seen a proper meteor shower before. You were either asleep, forgot about it entirely, or the city smog and light pollution would never let the sky be seen for what it was. So, this was entirely new territory and terribly exciting. Ayaka was apparently excited for it too, since that’s all she was talking about all afternoon as you tended to her whims. 

The land bathes in the golden hour of dusk when Ayato comes knocking at Ayaka’s door, asking to borrow you for the evening. Thoma at his back. Ayaka snaps open her fan from her place sitting gracefully at a tea table and places it over the bottom half of her face. The eye contact she holds with her older brother is like a silent conversation before she’s nodding her head.

Easily, the exchange of Thoma for you is swift and you are then following at the older brother’s heels. Ayaka giggles gleefully behind her fan while Thoma is left shaking his head with his hands on his hips. 

Ayato retreats back into his office and you trail after him. Instead of stopping at his desk like you assumed he would, he keeps walking. The small door at the back of the office, just behind his desk, is his destination. He slides the door open with the outside of his palm and steps through the threshold. You had always just assumed that room was some sort of closet. Seeing him go through it and disappear around the corner left you blinking in some sort of mental buffering.

...Maybe it was a big closet?

Ayato notices a lack of you behind him and back tracks with a chuckle to stand once again at the threshold of the mysterious doorway. 

“Come on,” he beckons. You do nothing but nod and obey as he turns his back again to continue on his way to wherever. The room you assumed to be a closet wasn’t at all. It was a small, two step passage to yet another set of sliding doors that he continues to go through. This time, the door leads into a different room entirely. 

Following him slowly, you look around. The room was small, much smaller than his large office. There was a long, low table with a cloth running the center-length of it with a vase of fresh flowers on top of the fabric. Against the back wall was a wooden and well carved kimono rack that was being used to display a wonderfully blue designed kimono that you know was made to Ayato’s tastes. Two cushioned zaisu- legless floor chairs- sit in the last slivers of sun just on edge of the room next to yet another pair of doors that must lead out onto the veranda. 

“Please, shut the doors behind you.” You nod, racing back to the first set of doors in his office to slide it shut and then the second that leads into this secret room. Once you successfully shut yourself in the small room with him, you feel your face heat up when the man in your company removes his heavy overcoat to his multiple piece daily ensemble. Ayato takes a seat in one of the zaisu chairs and offers you the other in front of him with one of his arms now that he is more comfortable. 

You accept the invite, although a bit nervously. Is there a reason he took you all the way back here? You could only assume this was a room that he didn’t advertise to many. A place to escape his work for even the smallest amount of respite in solitude. You were willing to bet only Thoma and Ayaka knew of this room. 

“I do hope you don’t mind the isolation,” he chuckles. “Only Thoma knows this room exists, so we won’t be bothered here.” 

“Lady Ayaka doesn’t?” That was shocking. You were sure she would know too. 

“She does not. I treasure my sister dearly, but even I need time solely for myself from time to time.” That makes sense. But then why did he choose to show you? If only Thoma knew of this place, and not even his beloved sister, why did he allow you to let you in on this closely kept secret? As if reading your mind, Ayato chuckles. “Feeling special?” He attempts to joke. 

“Oh!” You look up at his amused face. “I’ll promptly forget this room exists as soon as we leave,” you promise. 

“I surely hope not.” You blink at him and if he had tea at the moment, he would’ve taken a satisfied sip. He could almost see the question marks materializing over your head. Cute. “I brought you here because I have some things I’d like to discuss.” 

Ayato hums to himself. Maybe he should’ve phrased that differently.

It’s not like he brought you all the way back here just to scold you or anything nefarious. Still, the way you were sitting so straight, along with the fidgeting tells him that that’s almost what you were expecting. 

“If you’d humor me, I’d like to take off my commissioner hat and speak with you freely for a while.” The look in his eyes as they drifted downwards eased your tension. It was very rare that Ayato didn’t have his guard up in some way or another, so this not only relaxed you, it also flattered you to some degree. “It may sound selfish of me, but in this space I will accept all you have to say. Even if whatever it is seems… outlandish.” 

“Is there something you wish to know, my lord?” You swallow a lump in your throat as your hands that settle on your lap squeeze together. 

“There is, but I’d like to first share something with you. It’s something that I haven’t told anyone before. Not to Thoma or my sister.” His gaze that had since been gazing down in an almost solemn expression lifts to yours. “You will be the first.” 

Ayato lifts his arms, pulling off his gloves and with his now naked hands, moves to start unclasping the guard braces that always rest over his arms under his robe sleeves. 

“On the night before you were found in Ritou, there was a meteor shower much like the one that is predicted to be occurring soon tonight.” He frees one clasp and pulls the fabric restricting his arm free before moving to the second. “On that night, I was feeling particularly unrested. I was antsy and couldn’t settle down. My very bones kept me awake to the point I could hardly even parktake to my work. That was until I watched the sky and saw the stars shooting across it.” The second clasp was free and soon the guard was hanging on by a single one remaining and clinging to his arm. “There were several to view, streaking the skies with color. I must’ve been particularly childish that night, since I found myself wishing for a sort of… change to my daily life. Even if just a brief one.” 

The brace he had been working on falls loose from his forearm. It clambered to the floor with a dull sound before his free arm started the process over again on his opposite one. He could undo the fabric and buckles without even looking at them. It was habitual at this point. 

You can’t bring yourself to interrupt his words, so you sit still and silent. He’s silently thankful for that fact. 

“I always thought it was my imagination, but when I made that childlike wish for change, a single star that came into view seemed to burn brighter than the others around it. It outshone its starlight brethren and the brilliance of it seemed to shift the air. It was so short lived, however, that when I merely blinked my eyes it vanished among the darkness. So, I chalked it up to mere tiredness.” He had already undone two clasps and was nearly finished with the third. 

The second brace falls to the floor just like the first one. Now free from his arm guards, Ayato gathers them in his hands along with his discarded gloves and sets them aside neatly. You had never seen the sleeves of his undershirt so loose and wide. You had always assumed his mulitude of undershirts were thin to make wearing his coat more comfort. Now you see that it was just his arm guards keeping the under fabric in place. The fabric of his sleeve's flutters down around his arms like waterfalls of satin. 

“Then, mysteriously after that one fateful meteor shower where I dared let myself have such reckless wishes,” his eyes that had once been on his arms to remove his articles of daily wear and then closed in a calm recollection, reopen to stare straight at you. Your breath catches in your throat. “You showed up on the edge of Ritou.” 

You were speechless. You weren’t sure what to say or do. Was he merely saying it was a coincidence, or was he accusing you of something? No amount of in-game knowledge to the here and now of personally knowing him will ever give you the grasp on his thoughts and true extent of his intellect. 

“My lord, I’m not sure I follow.” 

“That traveler, Aether,” his voice took on a different cadence. It wasn’t the soft one of storytelling from before, but it seemed much more neutral now. Like he didn’t have any sort of likes or dislikes in the world and was simply reading a script. “He took the time to come by the residence while you were ill since he was worried for you. During that time, I took it upon myself to confirm that he was not from Teyvat as I had been suspecting.” You swallow and wish you had some water. “The same can be said for you, yes?” 

“I’ve already disclosed to you before, sir, that I’m not from here.” It’s fine. You can worm your way out of this. 

“Yes, but I’d like to know more about the world in which you call home. The one beyond Teyvat.” Or, maybe you can’t. You feel chills running down the length of your spine and creep down your shoulders all the way to your elbows. Your eyes remain downward, and your internal panic must be showing on your face. “Take a breath, y/n,” Ayato tells you, his voice calming you down with a gentle tone just like before. 

“I… it’s true that I’m not from Teyvat. When I first came to work here under you, I told you I was from somewhere far away. That’s the truth, I didn’t lie, I just…” 

“I am not here to force information out of you or scold you for withholding information like your origins. Frankly, I wish to know more for selfish reasons than anything else.” He means it. You take a deep breath, and he eases at your attempt to calm yourself. He did not want to spark panic or fear through you. 

“I apologize if this sounds rude, but try putting yourself in my shoes, Yashiro Commissioner. You’ve lived in Inazuma all your life, and while I admire your strength at having to grow up so quickly for your family, I didn’t even get that. I woke up in a strange place that wasn’t my home.” You chuckle bitterly and your hands curl into the fabric of your lap. “And of all places to end up, it was the nation that was closing its borders and rejected anything that even so much as tried to go against the Shogun’s view of eternity...!” You deflate. “I was terrified.” 

Ayato watches you intently. He watches as your body starts trembling at the fear and anxiety you’ve been forced to endure for years. By yourself. How your hands release each other to instead run through your hair. You were getting too worked up. 

“Y/n,” he tries to reach you, but you shut him out. 

“I mean, it wasn’t fair! Not only did I just show up and immediately get detained- which I'm still mad about by the way- I knew about the Shogun’s distaste for anything- anyone- like me and Aether. We defy the laws of her stupid, narrow minded view of how people should live.” 

“Y/n,” he tries again. Ayato moves so that he’s within your arm’s reach. You had barely taken a solid breath that whole spiel. His arms are suddenly in your grasp, your hands latching onto where his discarded braces used to rest. The action catches him off guard- or more accurately your strength. 

Thoma had mentioned in passing once that you were especially strong for someone who didn’t know anything about combat or the like. If you squeeze his arms too tightly, he might be able to hear his bones creak. 

“Please, calm down.” You take deep breaths in and out a few times and the grip on his forearms lessen just enough for his muscles to feel relief. “Y/n,” you don’t look up at him from your hanging head, but he knows your listening, “I understand why you were scared to share anything with someone, but if it was causing you such distress, could you not have trusted at least one of us? Thoma, Ayaka or myself. Just one surely would’ve been enough to ease your burden even if just a little.” 

“I didn’t know how.” 

“Do you think we’d think you a fool?” You shake your head. “Then, perhaps you thought we simply wouldn’t believe such a tale?” You shake your head again, but it is less denial and more confusion. You didn’t know what you thought. 

Ayato’s view of the back of your head fills him with a feeling that makes his chest squirm. Sighing, his shoulders slacken and his head falls down to rest on yours. You jolt when his forehead pushes on the back of your skull, his nose and cheeks brush through your hair. 

“I would have believed you.” You’re silent. “After all this time, I convinced myself you came to Inazuma through the folly of a shooting star and childish whim.” He takes a deep, heavy breath. Breathing you in and letting you back out in his exhale. “I would have.” He reaffirms. 

You don’t know what to say. Should you thank him? Apologize? What was the right thing to say right now? Or maybe... maybe it would be best if you just continue to stay silent. Say nothing at all.

Ayato stays resting against your head for a little while longer before he straightens his back once again. He starts moving his arms and gently twists your grip from his arms before he’s gently sandwiching your hands between his. You could feel the callous on his hands from his swordplay. He's warm. It gives you something to focus on- something new and comforting. 

“I actually quite dislike meteor showers these days.” You slowly, very slowly as if you were still afraid of something, move to finally look up and back towards him. “If the stars are what brought you here to me, what’s stopping them from taking you away?” 

“My lord?” You whisper. The way his eyes were looking at you wasn’t a look you were familiar with. They were gleaming with this childlike innocence, one that he was forced to leave behind so early. Filled with something so pure and frightful while looking at you. 

“I told you before that I dislike when you address me like that.” 

“Oh-” 

“Every year when you fall ill and the stars start moving across the night sky, it’s like the heavens are warning me. Telling me that they can take you back any time they wish. So, to counteract those warnings, I stay by your side until you recover. You’d have no choice but to stay here on the ground with me if they cannot get past.” 

It was almost scary how much this man knows. How he can gain knowledge by just the bare basics of things and then piece together them on speculation alone. Even things so outlandish as this. As you.

It was strange, the feeling in your chest. 

Coming back from Watatsumi after the war ended and having Ayaka and Thoma waiting for you brought you so much comfort. And finding common ground with Aether about feeling like some imposter gave you peace. But this? Having Ayato look you in the eyes without wavering and telling you that he’d not only believe such a strange tale of someone so ordinary, unlike Aether who is the opposite of ordinary, but also accept it? 

You thought you were finally getting over your years-long fit of homesickness mixed with this strange case of imposter syndrome. The tears that well up in your eyes and spill over your cheeks prove otherwise. 

Unlike before, Ayato seems to have anticipated your emotional turmoil this time. The moment your tears roll down your face, he pulls you towards him before the first one has the chance to hit the floor from your chin where it drips. With a gentle tug on your bicep, he pulls you to rest your head just off his neck. The crown of your head settled nicely under his jaw as his other hand came to enclose your body and rest on the back of your head, keeping you locked in against his warmth. 

You’re glad he shed off his suit jacket when you both came into this room. It would’ve been much harder to hold onto him with all his ornaments and tassels in your way. 

By the time you settle down, the sun is already set below the horizon and the room's dark. Lit only by the strong light of the near full moon rising over the walls of the estate.

It was a clear night. One perfect for a meteor shower. 

“I apologize if this was all overwhelming for you. Bringing you distress was not my intention,” Ayato apologizes. You shake your head, sniffling and wiping your face of dried tears. He has since released you from his chest, but his touch still remains on you. Gingerly placing one palm beneath your elbow to keep your arm rested in his to using his other overly large sleeve to pat your face dry of any stray tears he can erase. 

“I’m more embarrassed than anything,” you mumble. He chuckles. It feels comfortable. 

“I won’t take up too much more of your time. Ayaka is looking forward to the meteor shower, and while I’d like to keep you for myself, I’ll allow her to have you this year.” 

Ayato slowly stands to his feet, knees bent to offer you his hands and bring you to stand up with him. Sitting close to each other felt far different than standing so close. You’ve been close to him before, either in reprimanding nature or when he would offer you aid like when you were ill. This however, this air around you and the proximity between you and him was much more intimate.

His hands softly lift yours between both your chests and your feet were almost slotted between his own. You could smell the scent of the day on his clothes, the gentle air of mist that coated him in a pristine aura. It heated your cheeks. 

“Come, I’ll see you out,” he takes a step back. The air tastes different when he pulls away. Keeping one of your hands in his, he steps over to the second pair of doors you noticed earlier and slides it open. Apparently, for such a secret room, it did lead directly out to the veranda like you originally thought. How could anyone miss a set of doors like this?

You both step out into the cool night air as he shuts the door at your back. Leading you away from the room, his folded grip on your hand never faltering. 

It’s a short walk before the soft slights of lanterns can be seen from beyond the way. The others must be outside waiting for the predicted time. Somehow, the thought of other people occupying your space relaxed you. Ayato stops walking before turning to you. 

“Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you all for this event.” Your brows turn up. You were under the impression he would be sticking around and a feeling coils in your stomach at the thought of him being away. Damn your feelings. “Despite this, I wish to tell you one more thing before I depart.” 

You nod. Ayato’s face takes on yet another expression. It’s soft, somber, and the smile he wears is one you hadn’t seen before. It was lovely. 

“Trusting another person isn't easy, especially for someone of high status. But you have placed your trust in me, and of course I will not let you down.” Leaning down, Ayato’s lips meet your cheek. They’re cool but soft and you're sure he can feel the heat of your skin ignite under his polite kiss. Pulling away, his forehead rests against yours and you can only stare at the crows feet that make themselves so handsomely at home against the corners of his eyes. “I care for you deeply. You need not return these feelings, or even think about them after tonight. I am content just having told you. Just for the rest of this night, however, I selfishly hope I consume the forefront of your mind.” 

With one additional peck to the crown of your head, Ayato steps away from you. Your hand slips from his grasp and he’s soon walking away from you until he’s gone. 

The cool night breeze feels soothing on your enflamed skin. Who knows how long you stand in place until Ayaka catches sight of you, beckoning you over. 

The meteor shower starts, but you can hardly focus on it. Ayato gazes at the sky from his office window, convincing himself that despite the nightmare of waking up in a world you weren’t in, you would undoubtedly still be under the same roof in the morning. 

a/n pt.2: he said the thing !!!! (bonus points for anyone who immediately caught me using in-game voice lines lol

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[asterifish]

Currently back in the Kim Seungmin feels so here's a request based on these beautiful works of art. He's just so soft, the world is spinning.

Seungmin X Male Reader

His cute Puppy smile and adorable laugh as you compliment him on how cute he looks. A pink blush taking its place along his cheeks and nose. He loves feeling cute and adorable with you. Just so soft and safe and sgfkjiAafjdsl. Sometimes he just wants to be babied and doted on by you, being able to let his walls down and feel free and floaty. He'd come into your room and flop onto your chest, rubbing his face into you as you giggle at his cute behaviour. It would end up in soft sex with lots of compliments and encouragement. Even though he is topping this time he loves losing control to you.

Idk if that's enough but by God this would be sickening cute and wholesome

FINALLY GETTING TO THIS ‼️

I really don't think I needa add on....

Seungmin was always the type to seriously blush when he received compliments from 🪐. As a make-up artist, it was 🪐's job to take care of Seungmin, so they were always in close proximity.

One day 🪐 had said something unexpected, causing Seungmin to blush so deeply his ears turned red. Excusing himself, Seungmin covered his mouth and left the room. Chan had been watching and suddenly laughed as his member left the room. "🪐, you're going to kill that boy one day."

🪐 smiled and bowed, "I hope not, sir." Leaving the room, 🪐 trailed after his boyfriend, catching him in the bathroom washing his hands.

"Did I go too far earlier?" 🪐 asked, a bit nervous as his patted Seungmin's back. The boy shook his head and turned, "no baby, you just.. It suprised me.."

. Or .

Seungmin sighed as he walked into 🪐's apartment, tired from his long day of filming. Walking into his boyfriend's room, he flopped down, rolling into 🪐's chest.

"Rough day pretty boy?" 🪐 puts down his book and rubs his boyfriends back. Seungmin would nod and sigh, nuzzling into 🪐's neck.

Usually when seungmin got like this, he wanted to be babied, and 🪐 knew that. Smiling softly, 🪐 started giving seungmin soft compliments and occasionally kissing the boy's forehead. This led to them making out softly, 🪐's legs wrapped around Seungmin's waist.

They very rarely had sex, but when they did it was always soft and sweet. 🪐 always complimented Seungmin, knowing that he loved it. Seungmin would be blushing the whole time, his face red. He'd often shake his head and hide his face in 🪐's chest.

"Come on baby, show me your pretty face.. please? Pretty boyyyy" 🪐 would whine, moaning softly as seungmin slammed into him roughly on accident. His head would snap up, an apologetic but determined look in his eyes. "Shit.. You can't keep doing that baby, I'm gonna fuckin...." Seungmin's voice trails off as he groans, feeling 🪐's nails on his back scratching him softly, 🪐's eyes piercing into his own.

This is short but I coulda gone crazy w it‼️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with someone over fishkeeping and cat food? I know how the title sounds but hear me out. This happened a couple years ago and I'm still friends with the people this happened with but it still weighs on me. So I have always been kind of militant about husbandry when it comes to the animals I keep(autistic, it' a special interest) and I don't really like to deal with people who don't take caring for living creatures they willingly bring into their home seriously. I sold a fish tank to my, then, partner J who wanted to get into fish keeping. J and D, our other partner, lived together. After taking the tank home and cleaning it up we were throwing around ideas for what to put in it. It wasn't too big but also not small, but he kept throwing out species that would far outgrow the tank or species that would fight and kill each other. Every time I shot these species down J took it well, realizing the space was either too small or they would die and didn't want the fish in improper conditions but D kept telling me not to "squash his creativity" and he could "do whatever as long as it made him happy". At this I obviously hopped on my soapbox about how it's our duty as animal owners to give the animals we keep proper conditions and D went absolutely off on me and mentioned how I care "too much" about how other people keep their animals and had always made her feel bad about how she feeds her cats and now I was doing this. For context my cat eats a raw diet. I did a lot of research and talked to my vet and he's doing wonderfully while one of her cats is extremely overweight to the point he waddles instead of walking and the other two are getting there as well, both of which I've brought up concerns about but I have NEVER shamed the way she fed her animals. She had been interested in the interest I had taken and had ASKED for better quality food recommendations, so I gave them, but NEVER told her she had to feed them a certain way. A majority of our conversations were just me info-dumping and her being happy to listen and ask questions occasionally. Anyway J kind of backed out of the conversation at this and D and I went back and forth a bit before D finally said "I don't think this relationship is going to work out if you won't let this go"(This being I have pointed out one of her cats is grossly overweight a couple times and it's extremely unhealthy, especially since he's aging now) so I said "Yeah I think so too. This is something I clearly care a lot about and I'm not going to be with someone who puts their own or their partner's feelings over the well-being of the animals they are responsible for"(referencing when she said a few times when talking about the fish that it was okay if the fish killed each other or died from improper conditions as long as J was happy with how the tank looked and "it's not like we're putting kittens in with sharks, they're Just Fish") and we broke up there and then. Since then we've still stayed close friends after a short break from each other(I'm actually her Man of Honor in her upcoming wedding to J!) and she's actually made moves to better the quality of the food she buys her cats and is working on getting her obese cat's weight down and J's fish tank hobby is going very well(with proper keeping standards!!). But the situation at the time still weighs on me and even though we're genuinely too busy with work and life to make a relationship work anymore anyway and that was also a factor of the breakup.... AITA for beginning a breakup over animal husbandry?

What are these acronyms?

[b1zmuth]

You, ''Me'', and the fucking cat! | Satan X Reader

SC \\ replacement (To like the slightest degree), jealousy, angry MC, crackhead energy, whatever was that fever dream called the obey me anime, fluff, CAT!!!

Plot: You turn into a cat, and basically get replaced in some odd fashion. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was an ordinary day.

It was the same as all the other ‘’ordinary to the point it's insufferable’’ days, filled with silence and the occasional joke thrown your way, darting glances towards you and those god-awful poorly hidden whispers- basically, everyone was tiptoeing around your general presence, attempting to not set off the ticking time bomb that was a mere step in the wrong direction from going off.

Now, to give credit where it's due, you DID bring this on yourself, considering your recently declared mass ignorance streak of everyone in the House of Lamentation.. And when you said everyone, you really meant EVERYONE- even Cebererus wasn't spared from your wrath and backhanded responses.

Even then, it still didn't justify anything that the brothers had done to you yesterday- leaving you a sopping wet mess due to their shitty April Fools “joke” that left you sulking in ''your bed'' for hours on end… or well leading up until now, where you sat on top of the table in Solomon’s dorm- where the owner of said room laughed at the current absurdity of the situation, despite the glares your eyes shot at him.

You licked your paw in an unamused fashion, trying to ignore Solomon’s cackle session at your unfortunate situation.. he somehow still didn't get with the program- shutting his mouth already.

‘’Hehe, he- haha! This is just too- haaaa!- funny! Tell me the story again, please?’’ Solomon laughed like it was going to be his last, which further fueled your immense hatred for the slick bastard- your mind racing to figure out what would be the best torture method for his ass- ‘’So, before you start telling me how you got yourself into this… situMEOWation! how's life living on the short side? Y’know, as a CAT! Ha!’’

You were going to kill him one way or another that's for SURE.

‘’Meow meow meowww! Meow meow!’’ (I’ll gouge your fucking eyeballs out if you laugh one more time you shitty excuse of a cook!) you hissed at the god-awful cook who laughed even harder this time, having to compose himself before he fell off the couch- ‘’Oh, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen- it's even better when I know what you're saying! Haha!’’ ‘’meow meow!’’ (incompetent fuck!)

Solomon finally stops laughing and turns to you with an amused look on his face, his smirk being the telltale sign of his desire for the full story…

So, this whole problem started when you were in your room secretly planning a nice, luxurious retreat to Istanbul with Satan as a surprise date in your planner- Noticing Mammon who came in your room and started talking to you- ‘’Oi human! Needa’ wear something light to dinner, Lucifer says you will get your hands messy! And doncha’ keep me waiting!’’- you finished up your plans got redressed fairly quickly and started rushing down for dinner only to be met with a dark, like SERIOUSLY dark dining room and radio silence to top it off. ‘’The hell?’’ you said, turning your head in every direction in a confused manner, your eyes darting around- eventually getting used to the pitch-black darkness that consumed the room, which still didn't help much but you just shrugged it off, and shook your phone to turn on its flashlight to be met with a damn near petrifying sight- four gigantic ass spiders-looking THINGS on the roof of the dining room which also, damn near shaved off 15 years off of your lifespan, and it only got worse from there as the 4 ‘’shadows’ started jumping down from the roof… With guns???

Damn! All of that boy kissing really did come to bite you in the ass because there was no way in hell the big G was going to let you slide with YOUR record. Fuck!

‘’Well damn, this might be how I go out, to some fuckass spiders- yeah right, hell to the naw!’’ you thought before making a mad dash up the stairs, hearing the repeated thumps of feet trailing behind you, the sound of your own blood rushing past your ears, the delicious feeling of adrenaline coursing throughout your body made this whole chase a little bit fun..?

Well, it was fun up until you nearly got cornered by three more of the ‘’shadows’’, mindlessly ran into about two walls, and got some varying degrees of carpet burn from sliding across the rugged floor so many times- your screams echoing throughout the halls, NOW the situation had totally went from 0-100 real fast.

But never mind that! Where in the world were the brothers? You had JUST seen and talked to Mammon no less than five minutes ago, right? There is no way that all seven could have disappeared with a trace within a matter of mere minutes?

Well, you kept on running until you finally found a lit room… And then your legs gave out from underneath you- and you somehow slid across a. Soapy floor? What the hell?

‘’SQUUUUIIRRTING CONTESSSSSST!!!!’’ you heard multiple voices around you scream before you were blasted by multiple streams of.. ‘’Water’’, you think, and having buckets of that same ‘’water’’ being dumped all over your already sopping wet body- and then to make matters worse, the millisecond you got up you were pelted with numerous water balloons that sent you right back down for the count- with the same voices bursting out with cackles and giggles at your expense.

I mean, to give credit, your assailants finally got the memo that maybe you were dead due to drowning in some mysterious liquid, and a yellow blur pulled you up before you were pelted with MORE FUCKING WATER BALLOONS- oh yeah, you had to be fucking livid now, looking aligned to someones abandoned wet dog after all.

Oh, and livid you were! Enough to start flipping tables and chairs, turning the now revealed seven brothers into a humanized game of bowl, hanging three of them from a chandelier and giving two a swirly-whirly, leaving poor Lucifer and Satan staring at you in genuine fear and holding up their hands defensively whilst slowly walking backward- ‘’YOU!’’ You yelled, pointing a furious finger that switched between pointing at both demons before you spoke up again, your feet picking up pace and the distraught faces of both demons turning more scared with each step- ‘’I ALMOST DROWNED! MY PHONE? SHAMISLED! MY NOSTRILS? SHOT. MY HAIR THAT I SPENT AN HOUR DRYING AND FLUFFING OUT? DONE-ZOS! WHAT IN THE HELL COMPELS YOU TO DROWN SOMEONE IN WATER AFTER HELPING THEM UP?!’’ you screamed at the two before stopping dead in your tracks, just mere feet in front of them before you started having a stare-down contest with your two unwilling contestants before they nervously tried to plead the fifth with you, only to be met with a loud ‘’STAY!’’ and the loud thumps of their bodies hitting the floor.

‘’Uuuuuuuuurgh..’’ ‘’Nghuuuugh…!’’

‘’Meow meow meow meow, meow! Meooooooooow, meowww.’’ (And that's how I ended up ignoring all of those damn brothers, who almost drowns someone in.. whatever that ‘’water’’ was and then laughing when I got pelted with even MORE wate-’’ ‘’HAAAAAAAAHAAhhhheeeehe!! AHAaaa!’’ ‘’Heheeeee…. Oh uh.. continue, please..’’

So, after you eventually stormed up to your room after spamming ‘’Stay’’ on Lucifer and Satan, you tried to get somewhat dry and marched right on over to Levi’s Room, snatching up Crowe and marching right back on over to your own room before starting your devious plan; turn all of the brothers into cats of course! At least then they would be bearable to be around after the shadoozy they just put you through 15 minutes ago! What a fantastic plan! What could possibly go wrong?

‘’Crowe! I want you to turn something into a cat.’’ You said, hoping that Levi had autopay still enabled on Crowe.

‘’Hello, LEVIACHAN, what would you like to be turned into a cat?’’ Crowe responded, your giddy smile growing with the thought of the brothers getting their justified punishment, right up until you heard Satan calling your name out- ‘’Shit! Did Crowe hear that?’’

‘’Understood, autopay is enabled, beginning transaction soon.’’ You let out a loud groan, mentally cursing Satan for opening his mouth the second you decide to use something as sensitive as Crowe. Fuck!

‘’MC! Were sorry! Can we talk..please?’’ Satan yelled from somewhere downstairs, his voice getting louder- signaling his ascent up towards your room- ‘’Payment confirmed, LEVIACHAN, thank you for using Crowe’s Digital Transformation System. . . . . . A bright white flash quickly illuminates the room, both blinding you and ripping a poorly-hidden scream from your throat, before dissipating and alerting your unwanted guest. . . . As much as you loved Satan, you were SO going to kick his ass the second you got your body back, no! You were GOING to kick his ass as soon as he walked in! Wait, you could do it in the hallway too! Even better.

If only you could reach the door that was taunting you about your new, fuzzy, form.

Well, shit. Now not only were you stuck in this cat form, but your entire revenge plan also went straight out the window- I mean there wasn't jack your minuscule ass was going to be doing to a 6’1 demon who LOVED cats. You might as well just go ahead and call it quits, because this would be your unfortunate new life.

And just as you were sulking, deciding on what cat food you would have to set as your worst-case scenario- O-Great-Lord-O-Cats waltzes into your room, looking somewhat distressed as he frantically looked around for your (human) body, only for his greenish-yellow eyes falling on your adorable cat form- ‘’Oh! Where did you come from, little one? And how did you get inside?’’ Satan asked you, his large hands picking you up and holding you, one hand lifting up to pet your soft fur and eventually scratching behind your ear- but not before swiping a

‘’Never mind that, you must be hungry.. And angry at that..’’ He looked at you with a saddened face, seemingly to completely have forgotten about the very much HUMAN scream that came from your room, and that flashbang of a transformation that he had to have seen- my god, you really didn't think that Satan wanted you gone that much for him to overlook that gigantic red flag.

You wondered if someone were to wave a 50ft red flag in front of his face would he still just ignore it to care for a cat.. Probably so knowing him.

And to your shock, all the rest of the brothers were sitting at the dinner table eating, before they watched Satan walk into the room with yet another cat, before turning back to finish whatever they were doing at the table- I mean it was already confusing that Satan didn't say anything about the recent events, but for all seven brothers to not even spare a cough or a sniffle when your scream rang out and Satan came down with a CAT and not YOU.

‘’What for dinner.’’ Satan asked nonchalantly, setting you down on the dinner table, to which you stared at him with a confused look- ‘’Devildom Stir-fry with Toxic Chameleon’’ someone from behind you said, your furry face now scrunched up in contemplation- ‘’there is no way in hell they served a dish that only demons could eat, did I give them all brain damage? no.. no. did they forget me?’’ You thought to yourself, being so lost in thought that you didn't hear Satan excusing himself from the table to ‘’go get something’’, or really to notice the disappointed sighs of the brothers around you.

You felt a pair of warm, slender hands pick you up and carry you to a nearby seat, setting you down on their lap and petting your fur softly, and as you looked up- you saw Asmo pouting above you.

‘’You know, I feel sooooo bad for making our sweet MC angry… dinners so boring without them.’’ Asmo sighed, picking aimlessly at his plate after he passed you to Belphie- ‘’Agreed, I didn't think they would take it so seriously’’ Belphie hummed before turning you into his personal pillow, smooshing his face inside of your soft fur.

‘’I believe Lucifer told you to at least warn MC that they would be getting wet, right Mammon?’’ Levi retorted at the now worried Mammon who just responded with ‘’Y’know, who tells a person to change clothes because they are going to be getting wet in the dining room, huh?!’’ he pointed his fork towards Levi who scoffed,’’ YOU, Mammon! Are you seriously that dim-witted to not warn someone about a water fight?’’ he glared right back at the elder sibling- searching his pockets for his DDD.

‘’Either way, MC doesn't want to speak with us, they even hid in their room when I came to find them.’’ Satan responded, his tone slowly going more upbeat as he saw you desperately trying to claw your way from underneath Belphie- who awoke with some ‘’gentle’’ persuasion from Satan.

Belphie’s chair quickly tumbles to the ground, with him flying to the floor with it -’’ Y’know, you DIDN’T have to shove me out of the chair! Evil bastard!’’- ‘’tough luck, I need to put this collar on Satan’s Angry Kitty, and you're in the way!’’ Satan shrugged at Belphie, picking you up and returning you back to his seat at the dinner table.

Hold on a minute, he said a-what-now?

‘’Woah woah woah! Slow down! Did you just say you need to put a collar on that CAT who’s name is Satan’s Angry Kitty? Belphie pulled himself up off the floor, looking at Satan with a questionable look on his face ‘’Thats such a cringy name lool’’ Levi giggled to himself as he watched you desperately try to run away from Satan’s hands- ‘’Even the cat thinks the name is weird LMAO’’

Who in their right fucking mind names a cat that? I have to stop picking the freaklicious men to crush on- because this is just plain ridiculous!

‘’What a kinky name for a cat, Satan!’’ Asmo said in a sing-song tone, his smirk never faltering.

‘’Of course, I named the cat that- they remind me of MC, and it would be weird to name a cat that randomly appeared in MC’s room after them, no?’’ Satan laughed, covering your claws with his thumbs- ‘’Oi! What makes you think that the cat belongs to YOU? If anything I say I should get to name the cat! I was MC’s first man after all!’’ Mammon leaped from his seat pointing the finger at Satan and quickly pointing his finger at everyone else at the table.

‘’You would KILL that poor furry feline with your incompetence! I think that I, Asmo, should take care of them! At least they wouldn't end up being sold off to those witches you are so fond of!’’ Asmo put a hand on his chest, smugly making a comment towards Mammon, only to be cut off by Belphie- ‘’Nuh-uh! No way in HELL should an animal be left in your care! You're too self-absorbed to even give a second thought about it! Leave it in the care of ME and BEEL.’’

‘’And you're so sure that you could take care of it huh?! Beel would eat the poor thing as a midnight snack and your napping gramps ass wouldn't even know until a week later!’’

‘’Loool you guys are so pathetic, clearly the otaku could take care of a simple cat- unlike the rest of you normies!’’

‘’Oh COME ON! Your an OTAKU for fucks sake! You’d be too busy busting it to your figurines and those games your always playing to even notice if the cat got eaten by Henry!’’

‘’Who are you calling pathetic?! I was the first one to discover the cat, so I get naming privileges! All the rest of you clingy fucks can suck it!’’

‘’You all are being childish, none of you are even competent enough to care for this feline- so just go ahead and give it to me!’’

‘’SHUT THE HELL UP LUCIFER!’’

. . . . . . . .

It took a lot more arguing, flipped tables and chairs, plates, forks, food, and YOURSELF, being flung around the room before you were finally able to get Satan to calm down and pay attention to you- ‘’HURRRRRAAAAAUG- oh! Satan’s Angry Kitty! You seem like you want my attention.. You want my attention don’t ya? Awwwwwh! You really are just too cute!’’ He cooed at you whilst holding you in his arms before retreating to his room and setting you down on his bed.

I mean, seeing him in his demon form was really interesting since he seemed to get even dreamier when he was being nice in said form- and it was even better that he was lying down on his back and holding you up in the air, still cooing at you about how cute you were- ‘’you know, MC was planning on taking me on a secret date to this place in the human world called ‘’Istanbul’’..’’ ‘’Meow meow meow!’’ ( Damn it! You just had to look through my notebook!’’)

‘’I mean, I was planning on asking them out on a library date, I was really worried if they weren't going to feel the same about me, but thanks to you sitting right next to that notebook I got to know that they do like me back! What a helpful kitty you are!’’ He booped your small button nose, to which you tried to reciprocate the action by booping him back, but failed.

Now, it was only a matter of time before Satan swiped that planner of yours- it DID have the title as ‘’Satan X Me (heart heart heart)’’ but even then you did it as a funny haha joke, and now its come back to bite you in the ass. Dammit.

Unfortunately, he sat you back down on the bed and got up to go retrieve a book from one of his shelves, coming back and fully laying down on his bed with you resting on his chest.

You curled up into a ball on top of him, placing yourself where you could read the book with him, peacefully enjoying the steady beat of his heart, and his soothing breathing- ‘’How much longer do you want to stay as my little angry kitty, hm, MC?’’

Wait what?

He laughed, ‘’Don't act coy with me MC, I've already known that you were transformed into a cat. So, let me ask you again; how much longer do you want to stay as Satan’s Angry Kitty?’’ he narrowed his eyes as he spoke, watching your bewildered expression. (really he was watching your ears)

GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!

And did Jesus come to save you he did, having all six of his brothers burst into the room- teasing you about being Satan’s Little Kitten- and a mix of ‘’APRIL FOOLS’’ having you make a hasty retreat for the door, a mad dash to the dorms where Solomon was- because staying in that house another SECOND would have had you dead on the spot.

‘’Meow meow meow meow, meow meow.’’ (so yeah, here we are. I would have done anything to be in my human form when he told me that! Do you know how hot it was to be called his kitty whilst he was in his demon form AND laying on his chest?! Do you, Solomon?!) You meowed at the sorcerer, who laughed again- ‘’and now your just being thirsty for him, classic you.’’ Solomon responded flashing his bright smile at you.

‘’Meow meow meow..’’ (coming from the fruitastic maestro sitting in front of me I take that as a compliment.)

‘’Would you like for me to turn you back now? You know, so you can continue salivating at the mouth over Satan?

‘’Meow!’’ (yes!)

Solomon giggled at your enthusiastic response before he turned you back into the human- ''It's a wonder that he hasn't shown up here to come and get you-'' and he was swiftly cut off with a suspicious knock at the door to which you answered it… and it was Satan, holding a beautiful bouquet of your favorite colored flower, a giddy smile on his face, and a small ginger cat perched on top of his shoulder- ‘’Heard you had an interest for me, Kitt-’’

‘’let me stop you right there buddy, we need to sit down and have a talk about this nickname situation!’’ You giggled at the somewhat taller male who laughed right with you as he lowered his shoulder so you could grab the cat that was on it.

‘’Where do you keep on finding all these cats?’’ ‘’I don't know, I'm just a cat attractor, you know this already, hun.’’

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: This was just wow. somehow this beat my diavolo x reader fic with a 1500 word difference.. atp every fic I write gets LONGER.. smh

Ngl this one drained me, so OMNB(+SWD) headcannons r next, so if you enjoyed this fic please like and drop a suggestion for the headcannons! oh yeah, and thank you to everyone who enjoyed my DXR fic! i really, really, appreciate it!! :)

Bizmuth 24' | Biz's Workshop

[waklman]

i seriously need to read bradley and mouse asap!!!! but i’m currently thinking of the chaos that is jake and princess baking. do they even bake? i feel like they wouldn’t have time but occasionally one of them would whip out one of mama seresin’s recipies on a special occasion and make something. i have so many conflicting thoughts of how good of a cook any of the members of the dagger squad are so i’m wondering what your thoughts are on that. anyways, i love you and good luck on your exams, you’re going to ace them!!!! and take your time with the requests <3

prompt: the disasters of jake and princess baking.

warnings: none, fluff, a little steamy kiss (?) i dont know how it took a turn okay, jake being a pest as usual, 18+ blog, minors dni.

side note: honestly i feel like everyone would be a great cook, maybe with the exception of jake he’d probably swear up and down that he’s the best but everyone spits out his food once they try it (sorry jake). and thank you drewbear!! i will be studying my ass off but it will be worth it i hope..!

fake it masterlist

“You better stay right there,” you pause your stirring, letting the whisk rest against the bowl, eyes lifting to where you commanded Jake to stand. 

Behind the kitchen counter, Jake’s toes wriggle in his socks, battling the urge to disobey your warning. Dusted across the planes of his shoulders is the baking powder you were trying to use for his mom’s special oatmeal cookie recipe. And on his tongue rests a chunk of raw dough he scooped into his mouth without your permission.

Baking with Jake being present was clearly a mistake, and the only way to correct that was to put him on time out. 

“I can’t breath when I’m away from you,” he whines, complaint muffled by the wad of cookie dough in his mouth.

“Okay,” you start, voice as sweet as the mixture you’re beginning to stir again. Jake’s already moving out of his spot, pleased that you’ve decided to forgive him. But then, your tone turns ice cold, “Looks like you’re dying then,” you answer flatly, reverting your attention back to the mixing bowl, as if you didn’t just shoot him down. 

At that, Jake retreats back to his original stance with slouched shoulders this time. You’re keeping him on time out.

Though, this isn't exactly his first instance of being put under the spotlight of punishment.

The last time Jake found himself in this much trouble was eight years ago—when he had the grand idea to shove you in the pool. Back then, it was an excuse to get some mouth-on-mouth action with his best friend, because how else would he be able to figure out, if he had a crush on you or not? After letting you drown for a little bit, Jake planned to play life guard. He’d pull you out, lay you flat against the towel he had set up, and plant his lips on yours—to resuscitate you, of course.

But what twelve year old Jake didn’t account for in his poorly laid out scheme, was his mother. Mrs. Seresin had been one foot out the door, plate of freshly cut fruit in hand when she witnessed her son kick you into the deep end, evil grin stretched across his tiny face. Instead of Jake coming to your rescue that afternoon, Evelyn Seresin did. With the platter of neatly decorated fruit dropped to the ground, and her mama-bear instincts cranked to an all time high—she fished you out of the water and wiped away your panicked tears. 

Not a second after, Jake got dragged by the ear towards the time out zone, designated just for him.

He was forced to stand off in the corner of the backyard that day, pruned fingers scrunching the bottom of his swim shorts in guilt and waterlogged blond hair sticking to his forehead as the sun began to dry him off.

When he finally lifted his teary eyes up to you, your little fingers were already curled into the shape of a heart, directed right at him. It was a silent assurance that you still loved him, even when he nearly killed you. The very second you caught the pout tugging down his bottom lip, you had forgiven him. That quality about you, was the only reason why Jake had any kind of long-term friendship. 

But your patience for him seems to have dialed down over the last eight years—because Jake got thrown into time out again, not by his mother, but by you this time.

Unable to stay still for more than a few minutes, Jake silently stalks over to you. You currently have your back turned from just setting the sheet of cookies into the oven. 

“There we g—Jacob! P-Put me down!” In one move, Jake has you flipped around and thrown over his shoulder like a sack of rice. Despite the initial protest, you’re draped limply over his back, surrendering to him entirely.

Coming to a halt in front of the sofa, Jake lazily throws you into the cushions and crawls on top of you. It’s a routine at this point—where Jake’s chin sits over your belly button, large hands slipped under your shirt to rest on your waist, and thumbs sweeping over the goosebumps there. The way your body reacts to him gives him a bit of reassurance, but sometimes—he needs more.  

“Would you actually let me die,” he pouts, looking up at you with furrowed brows. 

You stiffly blink at him, reminded of the day he drowned you—on purpose. It would be mean to bring it back up when you’ve previously forgiven him, but this is revenge for him messing with you in the kitchen. 

“It’s only fair—you almost let me die once,” you put forth, a serious expression dawning on your features. Though, it’s merely an act, because internally—you’re waging a war against yourself, wanting to give into him already.

The furrow of his brows deepen. Jake grips your waist tighter in remorse. “I was tryna’ get it on with you!”

“So you decided to drown me?”

He’s now reminded of how cruel his plan was.

Jake’s face falls flat against your stomach, nose prodding into your flesh. “...Yes,” he mumbles against you. With Jake unable to see you, the tight look you’re wearing dissipates. You silently let out a breath you were holding, dropping the angry act you put up.

Jake continues to sulk, nuzzling his nose against you, resisting the urge to kiss your tummy. Hardly two seconds go by, before the sight of him writhing in his guilt breaks you. 

“Jake. I–I think I’m drowning,” you whisper nervously, heart starting to race at your own statement. 

Jake stiffens. 

Slowly, he lifts his head to rest his chin back onto your stomach. Jake then swallows thickly, wide-eyed as he meets your stare. “...And you need savin’?”

Your hesitation lingers for a grueling moment before you finally nod, bottom lip caught between your teeth. 

“…Yeah, I think I do.”

Jake jumps into action, seizing the moment his twelve year old self would’ve let you die over. Not expecting his quick reaction, a yelp escapes you as he pulls you down to face him.

His mouth is latched onto yours in an instant.

Jake allows you to set the pace at first, it’s slow, shy, intimate—just as you are. But once he feels your fingers wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him down against your front with a small noise leaving your mouth—Jake is overtaken by a hunger to hear it again.

Your skin runs hot against him now, burning against the couch, burning against his digits under your shirt. With an expert tilt of his head, Jake kisses you deeper—rougher, expelling all the air from your lungs. And it certainly doesn’t help when his warm tongue darts into your mouth, teasingly swirling against your own wet muscle—all while his calloused palms explore further up the oversized tee. The combination was enough to make your head spin, despite laying steady against the cushions.

If he were to stretch his hands any higher, his finger tips would hit the band of your bra. And god, you don’t know if you could handle that.

It's unconscious but you shiver under him, and Jake’s unable to fight the smile making its way onto his face. He slows the movement of his lips against yours, retracting his tongue—despite your weak efforts to get him to return back to his bruising pace, with a pinch of his nape.

His previous need to see you unravel under him is dropped, replaced by a stronger desire to crack a joke instead. Jake pulls back chuckling, hands lowering to your waist again, pinning you down as you try to chase his lips.

Underneath him, you’re flushed with embarrassment, blinking at him like a deer in headlights.

The tongue—that was previously shoved into your mouth is being traced over his bottom lip, in amusement.

“Woulda tried drowning you again, if I knew you were gonna react that way.”

As you open your mouth to scold him, it snaps shut again.

A silence passes through, while you reconsider your reply.

Finally, you shrug underneath him—deciding to supply a more truthful response instead, “I…yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”

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tags: @wkndwlff @bubblegumbeautyqueen @averyhotchner @angeliccks @atarmychick007 @Olivia21blunt @s-u-t @hangmanscoming @dempy @geraltsaxii @angelbabyange @milani-marie @blueoorchid @soapysoaply @mamaskillerqueen @blue-aconite @shanimallina87 @wildxwidow @clancycucumber230 @emma8895eb @ohgodnotagainn @starlightstories @bbyvanessaa @scoopsr0bin @mannsachds @strokesofstokes @magicstrengthandcourage @desert-fern @coconut152 @moonlight-addisyn @mosiwil @ronanallisterswife @s0uz4s @amandato300 @bradswolfe @swiftsgirlfriend @mikkorantanev @brookiecookiez0 @scarlovesyou @hisredheadedgoddess28 @sushiwriterhere @ccristata @nervousmumbling @acarboni21 @maddievevoo @chimchimjiminie16 @djs8891 @purplevortexx @kajjaka @reallysparklychaos @kashee-h

[animeyanderelover]

Hi Can I Order a Request for Naruto, Yandere Samui Hcs, I wish she had a little bit of a spotlight. Please

God, I always get suprised when people ask for people from the big Naruto cast that were featured in only few episodes. Naruto has a lot of characters though so I'm on the other hand not really shocked anymore.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, stalking, obsession, manipulation

Yandere Samui Hc's

⚪️Literally no one knows that Samui has fallen in love with someone and the lady herself doesn't even seem to realize this at first. Surprisingly enough she herself doesn't take notice of her romantic interest either despite her rather observant and perceptive personality. Her overall stoic expression and the fact that she isn't very talkative give people like her darling such a hard time to read her in the first place and with no one to tell her about her feelings, Samui has to figure everything out on her own. She knows that she cares but doesn't think of it as romantic when her eyes always go to you when you enter the room or how you pop up at the most random and critical times in her head. What can be mentioned though is that she has a great amount of self-control and never does anything unnecessary which is why she's someone who flies with her obsession perfectly under the radar.

⚪️She has a great memory when it comes to her darling and mixing that with her overall serious and mature attitude, she is rather effective when it comes to manipulating her darling. You know she's never joking about anything so when she tells you something, you're bound to listen to her and give her words some thoughts. It's all about the timing too and Samui is scarily accurate to manipulate you slightly when she knows that you're emotionally in a position where you're bound to take her words seriously. It isn't like she's super-manipulative or anything but she's definitely good in moments she does. Unable to express her feelings in words or acting in the beginning at all on them, she's mostly observing you from the distance at first. Once she knows of her true feelings, she knows that she will has to do something.

⚪️The very thing that ends up giving her hints about her real emotions towards you ends up being unironically enough her jealousy. Tracking down Samui's jealousy is overall difficult since she doesn't change her facial expression. In fact she just stands at the sidelines at first and watches simply because she doesn't want to act on impulse and potentially embarrass herself. At first the woman is additionally confused about the sour feeling bubbling up inside her stomach when she sees other people being affectionate around you or you being really sweet to someone. She waits it out in most cases simply to see how the situation will develop before she suddenly steps, in most cases startling you and your companion since neither of you noticed her before. She musters your companion with a slightly more pointed stare and might deliever a short jab with her cold words if they did something that especially annoyed her.

⚪️I don't see her as the kind of person who would kill people left and right for the pettiest things, she is someone with great responsibility and far too self-restrained. The Raikage sees Samui because of her mature personality as capable and trusts her a lot so that's one thing to consider. Samui isn't one who lets emotions get to her head either, an infuriated Samui is cold and calculating, observing and yet careful to find the best move to make. Killing or hurting someone deadly are her last resorts but that shouldn't mean that opponents should underestimate her. In most cases sharp warnings are sufficient enough to keep someone away who is tormenting her darling.

⚪️Ignoring the fact that she needs eternities to confess to you in a rather blunt and not exactly romantic way, Samui isn't forceful at all. Occasionally you might be treated with her scolding since she can be rather stern when you did something rather foolish she thought you'd know better not to do. Otherwise she doesn't restrict you or feels the need to observe your daily life that closely since she gives you the benefit of her full trust. Kidnapping you would come with too much problems and risks in her mind so she refrains from it for those reasons already.

⚪️Her darker side doesn't establish fully unless you would try to leave her or unless someone is out for your head in which case you realize why the Raikage sees her as such a skilled and capable shinobi. She's ruthless and persistent but never gives you or an opponent the pleasure of seeing her cracking. It's usually the complete opposite because she's the one who stays calm and watches her target slowly losing it because of her. Samui doesn't make big news out of it when she's in a relationship with you and isn't much affectionate in public so it ends up surprising her brother, her teammates and the Raikage when they figure out through you that she's your girlfriend.

[honeyxgang]

im slowly being forced outta retirement bc nobody is writing the fic ideas i have in my head so to start here’s some waka headcanons. mostly sfw but gets spicy toward the end so yktv mdni

Short King Waka Headcanons 🤲

SFW

doesnt just like trolling people, he can also be very playful

actually did really well in school just didnt like going relatable

shit almost went left in his youth with alcohol but his friends helped him through shoutout to the final timeline

loves kissing and his favorite feature on a potential love interest is lips so hope you’ve been hydrating. bonus points if you have on a gloss instead of lipstick. the shine catches his attention

is eternally grateful to rihanna for fenty gloss he’s now willing to go to war for her

if he really likes someone he gives them a nickname

is very physically affectionate. hugs, cuddles, holding hands, etc he doing allat

since he has an oral fixation he actually takes really good care of his teeth + makes sure his lips are always moisturized

aka straight, white teeth + and a literal perfect smile 😩

wears cologne. he smells delicious. probably the mixture of the cologne and pheromones

doesnt enter into romantic relationships often instead being more likely to flirt casually with absolutely no intention of it going anywhere/the occasional one night stand

believes in letting girls down gently if they do catch feels though

team his parents are alive. no sibs though

gets mistaken for a child me too

has a motorcycle and a car (i see him as a man with money idc idc idc)

deflee into rap, hip hop, and r&b

comes off very very very aloof until he gets to know someone. he’s not shy through

some girls are disappointed to get to know him and find out he’s not even the stereotypical bad boy/fuckboy. dude watches documentaries and enjoys learning new things and is completely unashamed of that and would probably be first to apologize in a fight. his version of netflix & chill is him putting on a wwii documentary and you not being there

that’s one way to pique his interest though teach him something he didnt know before

wears other jewelry too (necklace, bracelet)

the type of bf who would lose his mind if you got a necklace with his name or initials

very laidback and slow to anger

he fought in his youth because he was targeted for his height. then he kept fighting bc he liked throwing his weight around 🤷‍♀️

hates bugs to the point where he might make you go kill whatever has got in 😐

could use some work with verbal communication (“im glad manjiro died” cmon bruh. ik that happened in one of the fucked up timelines however im sure he still sucks bc he only talks to 3 people)

by that i mean he can come off sounding harsh af when that’s not his intention. unfortunately he’s a straight arrow. hope you have tough skin

NSFW

keeping in line w black twitter’s “dudes w the best d” ranking since he is both skinny and short he is hung like a horse that’s where his height went and knows what he’s doing when laying pipe 🤌

high school was a very horny time for him

you would not fucking guess that just by looking at him and idk where he tucks his third leg

seriously theres always a moment of silence when he gets his pants off. whoever is about to have their spine realigned is like 👀 and he’s just sitting there like 😏

tripod is long and thick good luck sis 🫡

doesn’t do one night stands often or at his place bc once somebody gets a taste they’re ready to commit to his dick marriage

uses condoms bc he’s not ready for fatherhood. if he doesn’t have any he’s not penetrating. yall can do oral though

1000/10 in bed because he likes eating pussy AND will fold you into the mattress 🧎‍♀️

loves getting his dick sucked and he 100% believes in dsl’s 🫦

they gotta look natural though. he has a grudge against kylie jenner for influencing so many people to get botched lip injections 😒

he’s gonna watch bc the way somebody lips stretch to fit him + get all red and plump from putting in work? >>>>>>>

100% the type to grab hair

and the headboard

also will push your knees to your chest if yall in missionary seriously he’s small but man’s is strong

comes to the slow conclusion that he’s an ass man and therefore loves anything from behind

if you’re sending nudes gon head and send something in a thong or g string. if you haven’t heard from him in a few days he might call you

will spank you. just be ready for that

believes life is too short for bad sex and therefore is permanently on demon time 😮‍💨

you’re going to question all of your life choices once youve survived finished. also good luck walking

maybe take a day off work

in conclusion i am down bad

[pierrai]

Difficulties of being in a relationship with your OCs! What are some things about them that their partner might see as their bad side or something they don't particularly like?

Hello anon! Thank you very much for your request! I'm writing something short tonight (I think! I write the A/Ns before the imagine so I'm hoping it isn't over 1.5K!) because I'm a bit tired and my health is failing, but I hope you enjoy! I included Peri and Florin too because I like them and want to write a bit about them! Hope you don't mind!!

Character: Multiple Word Count: 2526 Scenario: Difficulties of being the S/O of OCs Warnings: Unhealthy relationship dynamic, mentions of death, abuse, alcoholism

For Mira, his most glaring negative aspect is easy to guess. He is, of course, cursed, and so being his partner will naturally come with the heavy downside of hoping he doesn't accidentally (or purposefully) kill you one day along with the rest of humanity.

More subtly however, Mira's downsides range from something as basic as his simple mindedness, to the more complicated existential crisis he's always mulling over.

He is, somehow, both dense and attentive. He can pick up on some emotions yet completely miss others. Sometimes he just needs things explaining to him a couple of times before he's sure he's understood it, so if you're someone with little patience, he's likely to grate on your nerves occasionally.

He is also an indecisiveness people-pleaser. If you want him to make a decision on something, he's more likely to awkwardly smile and ask what you think rather than just giving you the answer he'd actually chose.

Above all, Mira just wants to be liked, and for the as long as he can remember, he's done his best to achieve this want. This can likely make him seem easily swayed at best or two-faced at worst, and maybe someone with a firmer sense of identity would become irritated at someone who is always subtly trying to stay liked rather than being themselves.

Eliot, again, has obvious flaws, though his are definitely centred around his personality in a more severe way than Mira rather than anything world-destroying. Not many people like Eliot as a friend, let alone as a partner, and if he is your partner, you're in for an even more burdensome task.

Eliot's insistence that he's a god can already be difficult to handle as it is. He's incredibly narcissistic and seems to think the world should revolve around him and do as he pleases, and that includes you.

Even if you could read his mind and know his every desire, he's still likely to get upset at you for one thing or another. Even if he really likes you, that doesn't bar you from his haughtiness, which can become quite annoying if it's something you're likely to always take too seriously.

On top of that, Eliot's past has given him abandonment issues that definitely push past the barrier of severe. This combined with his pre-existing god complex means he can become incredibly possessive and controlling, wanting both to keep you in place so that you never leave and believing he is entirely within his godly right to do so.

It's difficult to break through to the more vulnerable and caring side of him without bringing a hammer down on the fragile glass of his ego too. For some partners, the reward of Eliot's undying loyalty just isn't worth the trouble.

Someone reserved like Nen doesn't have any outwardly problematic issues. In fact he's very intent on avoiding most people, both out of fear and introversion.

He's not particularly outgoing or adventurous however and is often just downright moody. Sometimes it might feel like he's actively trying to keep himself trapped in his misery rather than cheer up, which might be annoying for someone impatient enough not to see why he might be doing that.

If the person he finds himself with is someone who needs a lot of verbal communication, then Nen simply wouldn't be able to fit that role. He'd prefer listening rather than butting in with his own thoughts; he's perfectly fine sitting patiently while someone else prattles on so he can be relieved of the burden of carrying on the conversation himself. It's just not his way.

If his partner can handle his muted responses and not find themselves discouraged into thinking he's bored or disinterested, then he's perfectly happy as well.

Being a demon should be enough of a difficulty in a relationship with Haine.

Regardless of the circumstance under which you enter a relationship with him, he's spent near half a millennium hunting people down and pushing them towards their demise so he can devour what's left, and so being with him romantically is bound to present a plethora of issues.

He's almost definitely made you suffer in some way. If Haine ever had the inkling that he liked someone, he'd seek to sabotage those feeling immediately, convincing himself that he simply feels hatred instead all while he eggs himself into hurting you more and more to confirm that. Getting him to finally admit that he loves you would result in enough trauma that perhaps you won't feel the same by the end.

But if you do, and if you decide you can forgive him and stay with him despite what he's done, it still won't be very easy. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and Haine is no different; he's so stuck in his ways that getting him to accept that he doesn't have to have it out for everyone will take time.

Haine's bad side is simply that he's lived a life of cruelty for far too long, and it's easy for him to go back to it when he's feeling lost. Whether that cruelty is regrettably directed towards you or other people, it's bad nonetheless.

Jun may be one of those character where being called 'too nice' or 'too giving' isn't a way of bragging about having no downsides and instead actually is a downside.

There really isn't much to complain about when it comes to Jun at a surface level, and even if you get closer to him to the point of being in a relationship, the positive still vastly outweigh the negatives, but that doesn't mean the negatives aren't there.

Jun really is too giving, in a way that probably ends up jeopardising not only his own wellbeing, but the wellbeing of anyone who decides to become invested in him as a person.

Really what he needs is for someone to tell him that he simply can't be expected to solve everyone's problems just to satisfy some past regrets of his. Sometimes his constant 'do-good' ethos can be more frustrating than it is helpful to those who actually care about him.

Being in a relationship means you've broken through his near-impenetrable walls, but it doesn't mean you've stopped him from slowly building them back up.

For someone who's always so eager to hear about your issues, he's always quick to downplay or downright ignore his own, even if you insist that he's not burdening you in the slightest. To avoid the relationship being incredibly one sided when it comes to talking issues through, it might feel like you need to force him at times to simply say what's bothering him. It's not a dealbreaker, but it's certainly a running theme in the relationship.

In the noble society he lives in, there aren't many who would see Oliver as a suitable marriage candidate, but even if he were amongst the common people, he likely would have difficulty finding love as well. His childhood was marred with trauma that carried on to his adult life, so he's not the most cheerful person around. He often decides it's better to drown his sorrows in booze rather than work through them.

Since he was paid little attention as a child, Oliver has never properly learnt to regulate his emotions properly. He is easily upset and angered and lashes out more easily when with people he's closer to. It's only the purposeful distance he keeps from others that keeps his impulsivity in check, but if he were to actually like someone, he'd find it difficult not to be selfish with them.

His reliance on alcohol to not only vent out his sorrows whilst drunk but also forget them come his morning hangover probably wouldn't be easy to handle. Oliver is quite depressed and oftentimes won't listen to reason. If you're the upbeat type, he's likely to just rain on your parade with his pessimism. He's also filled with insecurities, meaning he'll end up insulting not only himself but probably also you when he feels like he's being picked apart. Over all, he just need a lot of emotional care and delicacy, which may be a bit too much for some.

Damien is what many would label a 'psychopath' if they were to know his true nature, though he would contest this. With that title alone, it should be obvious what difficulties would come with being his partner. If you've gotten close enough to him where he actively wants you to be his partner, you've gotten close enough for him to reveal every part of himself to you.

Damien cares little about secrets in a relationship. He's willing to be an open book, perhaps a little too open, and spill all of his feelings. Sometimes it might feel like he's rambling, actively describing how he feels in the moment as if he and you are both specimens he needs to examine. He loves gaining new knowledge, and this pursuit of knowledge extends to understand love and affection to. He isn't afraid to push the boundaries on his version of love and see where it leads him, and neither is he afraid to push you in oftentimes cruel ways to see how you tick as well.

His love is simply overwhelming. Unless you're the type to feel comfortable under his sick and twisted depths, you'll simply end up drowning instead. Damien has plenty of love to give and plenty of ways to show it, but not all these ways are fun or loving (again, he begs to differ) so for a weak-willed partner, his 'bad side' would often be apparent and all the more inescapable.

Though seemingly smooth and charismatic, Alastor would make for a far more difficult lover than one might think. He's selfish, egotistical and greedy. He wants the world to pay attention to him, and you even more so. He'll have a lot of hypocritical 'one for thee, another for me' rules that you're bound to grow frustrated with, and unless Al is worn down to complete loyalty, he'll treat you as more expendable then he wants you to treat him.

Al can become easily jealous if you treat him the same way he treats you and will make this known. He's not above threats and manipulation so even if you're as sly as he is, he'll somehow find a way to trump that.

Even in love, he must compete and constantly prove his worth. It's hard to get him to fully focus on having a partner and doing what's best for you when there are other tempting things out there for him to set his sights on.

You would have to work around or simply get used to not always being Al's number one priority, while also being expected to hold him as yours.

Orion, despite having a cold exterior, is actually well-liked by noble ladies and lords. Being both capable and from a wealthy and powerful family, there is little reason to not want to be his partner. But this is only the perspective of most nobles who have both their family's interests and their own at the forefront of their mind. For a normal person, a man from a wealthy family who values noble traditions might not be ideal.

Orion is actually somewhat of an outlier in his family when it comes to upholding tradition, likely thanks to his experiences with Alastor, but although he doesn't value the family legacy as much as his parents and can see when placing it before his family's actual well-being is harmful, he values it enough to turn a blind eye when taking action might jeopardise his position.

Orion is dedicated above all to his work in making sure he lives up to his parents expectations. The main issue with being his partner is that it will often feel like he's cheating on you with his position. He's married to work more than any one person, and the time he spends working long nights and early mornings means he'll often leave you to your own devices.

He is somewhat of a coward, keeping up his persona as a dutiful noble lord rather than allowing himself any sort of pleasure, selfish or not, which also ends up being less selfish on his part when it harms those he's close to.

Being Peri's partner requires, on some level, for you to be abnormal. There's a particular sort of resilience you need to withstand someone like Peri, not because he's intentionally evil, but because traits of his race and his upbringing have made him provocative towards humans.

Peri can seem both dense and very perceptive. He'll poke and prod until he's gotten a reaction that entertains him and enjoy figuring out why he got one such as that and how he might be able to get it again. He'll conveniently forget information and suddenly remember it later when it'll hit the hardest. As his race is one that cares little for grievances commit towards each other (they see this mischief as fun more than anything) Peri is much the same.

He isn't the type to harm others out of some sadistic want nor do anything extreme; his decades living amongst humans has at least given him some social grace and empathy and he's hardly about to kill or maim anyone) but he is very casual about matters that other would handle with more tact. He'll easily be the bystander who lets atrocities happen. He is eccentric and needs someone able to withstand him or simply keep up with him. You would also have to reconcile with the fact that Peri, who's lifespan is a lot longer, will love you closer to the way a human loves their pets than a person loves their partner.

Though a prince, Florin doesn't have the fairy tale disposition of one. He is obsessed with wealth and flaunts his money and status whenever he can. He is very loose with himself and those he cares about, often not even seeing why what he's saying or doing might be flat out insensitive or ignorant. He is simply a man with a ridiculously extravagant amount of wealth and privilege, and his personality reflects this.

It would be hard for any partner to get close to liking Florin, but especially if you've ever suffered any sort of hardship. Florin is someone who's never had to struggle for anything and has had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He'll make fun of those unfortunate enough to be poor and mock them for not being born the way he was. He'll also have absolutely no clue why doing so might make people mad. He thinks that, especially with you, that if he just throws money at whatever problem he's caused, it'll solve itself. Money always made him happy after all.

He expects you to do as he wants much like the servants that trail him around. He won't mind if you don't (he might even be amused, but being the subject of Florin's amusement isn't much better) and doesn't lash out like some nobles do when they can't get their way (he's more likely to playfully whine) but being expected to be as his beck and call is bad enough to begin with.

[sillylotrpolls]

Well, this got popular. XD Lots of interesting things to say about this poll, so buckle in for a longer-than-usual results post.

Character Trends

Much as I want to properly analyze all the notes and make a lovely spreadsheet so I can see exactly how many of you monsterfuckers picked "fuck" for the Watcher in the Water, I am unfortunately constrained by personal limitations (a job, thyroid issues, re-reading all of One Piece, etc). Still, there were noticeable trends.

Many people judged on names alone. This did not work out well for Shagrat, but actually is in keeping with Tolkien's whole linguistics thing. Come to think of it, naming a baby elf must be absolutely agonizing. No wonder Elrond just gave up and named one of his kids "Elf-man."

On the other hand, even though many of the names were unknown to spinners, quite a few people looked up their character before choosing and wrote about their journey of discovery in the notes. This made me very happy. ♥

If you got a "good" character with whom sex would be dubious (an ent, the bird), you almost certainly picked "marry" and then commented about the wonderful new mode of transportation available to you.

If you got Merry, you almost certainly made a "marry Merry" joke. As it happens, there is a song about this.

The phrase "lavender marriage" is much better known on tumblr than I thought, and for some reason was used almost exclusively to describe an arrangement with Bilbo.

Many, many people were concerned about breaking up canonical relationships. I knew enough to specify in the notes not to worry about LaCE; it did not occur to me to explain that FMK is simply a game about how shaggable you find other people played when you don't feel like truth or dare.

Speaking of, quite a few people also upset there was no "just friends" option. It's FMK. "Friends" is literally never an option (especially because the game is usually about three people of the opposite sex; heaven forfend you do something so unmanly as suggest friendship with a woman) (no I do not wish to get into the heteronormativity of FMK at this time).

If you killed the Witch King, you made an "I am no man" joke. However, quite a few people still married or fucked the Witch King.

Quite a few people married not for love but for property. Fair enough.

Gender mostly wasn't an issue, which I thought was nice.

A lot more people married or fucked the spider than I anticipated. Still, Shelob generally prompted instant "kill" responses.

Also more not-killed than I expected: The King of the Dead.

It was occasionally difficult to discern a tag of #fuck as being "I picked fuck" vs "fuck I hate that I got this character."

All the characters that you would expect to be popular marriage material were, but anyone who got Eowyn was especially thrilled.

And finally, regardless of character or choice, a lot of notes were pretty funny.

Feel free to reblog with your own observations; this is but a paltry sample of notes.

Going (Semi-)Viral

First, I once again want to emphasize that I did not originate the concept for the "FMK Wheel." @pollsnatural has been using the Wheel of Names for polls for some time now, and I just happened to see one because @the-villainsandheroes occasionally inflicts my dash with Supernatural content even in this, the year of our lord 2024.

However, there's no question that between their poll and mine (both posted on June 3), FMK wheels took off. Like, seriously took off.

See for yourself

In hindsight, it's obvious why. In no particular order:

Spinning a wheel is fun.

Poll posts are short and easy to comprehend.

Everyone loves a "what would you do?" scenario.

"Fuck" option provides a bit of titillation.

Uncontroversial content (for tumblr) that everyone can enjoy.

Plus, depending on what you spin and your personal preferences, spinning the wheel elicits one of the following reactions:

Delight

Outrage

Sexy thoughts

Utter confusion

Hilarity

All of these are likely to inspire a comment or reblog, which causes the poll to be seen by even more people, and the cycle repeats.

HOWEVER.

The poll didn't remain popular forever. Much like a forest fire, it burned hot and fast, but within a few days pretty much everyone who was going to see and reblog the poll already had. In the last three days of the poll, it picked up less than a thousand votes a day (utterly paltry compared to days one and two).

Changes over time

The spread of votes for this poll changed greatly as it was reblogged. Unfortunately, it did not occur to me to take screenshots as I had no idea just how drastically it would do so. Instead, I have created some lovely artist's renditions for you.

Very early on, when the poll was only seen by terminally online followers of this blog and people who follow or frequently check the #lotr tag, "fuck" and "marry" were running just about even, with "kill" a distant third and basically no "but..." votes.

A little later, as more followers and tag-checkers had a chance to vote and the poll was spreading a bit, "marry" had a very large lead while "fuck" and "kill" were about even.

The poll then went semi-viral, and as it did the "kill" and "but..." options began creeping up largely at the expense of "marry."

This is almost certainly due to votes from people who didn't know the characters but who wanted to play the game and vote anyway.

To be fair, I generally wouldn't want to fuck or marry a stranger either.

Had it occurred to me, I might have included an option like "I don't know the character I got and don't want to look them up" but where's the fun in that? And it's not like FMK has ever been a game with objectively correct answers.

But, if you are ever running a poll and want to target a specific demographic, you should really consider adding an option for people who want to click a button even if they're not who the poll is "meant for." You can't fight human nature, so embrace it instead (and also get some extra data about who your poll is reaching).

Comparisons between fandoms

I initially entertained dreams of doing some data analysis comparing the ratios for various fandoms (aren't you interested in which fandom has the most fuckable characters?), but the number of FMK wheel polls quickly became overwhelming. Combined with my ever-fluctuating energy levels and a busy period at work, well. Still, I can't resist comparing just a little, so here we have a very small sample set to compare.

Links: Baldur's Gate 3, Dungeon Meshi, Shakespeare, Ace Attorney

These ratios are all pretty different! And if you keep digging in the polls, some are even more unbalanced than these.

Why? Most obviously, in most wheels, a main character is given the exact same weight (that is, chance of being spun) as a background character with one line. (For a weighted example, see this LazyTown poll.)

I don't think anyone would say Ace Attorney doesn't have marriageable characters; it's just that it has so many side characters and villains who are, shall we say, undesirable.

If you do any cross-poll analysis yourself, I would love to see it. (paging @poll-stats ...?) Drop a link, reblog this post with a comment, @ me, whatever. Same goes if you create a masterpost attempting to index all of the polls or whatever. I live for stuff like this.

In Conclusion

This was very fun! And if you enjoy this kind of analysis, stick around; it's kind of what I do here. But if my posts don't go (semi-)viral again for a month or two, that'll be quite alright with me.

Before voting, spin the wheel and get a Lord of the Rings character.

Not sure who your character is? You can look them up on this Tolkien Gateway character list, or just vote based on vibes.

For the purposes of the game, assume your vote is not "LaCE compliant." (That is, fucking an elf does not instantly mean marriage or death for that elf.)

Poll concept from @pollsnatural.

[aajjks]

now what’s JK looking like? 😏 https://pin.it/7JrralZkf

BC!JK

“jungkook? hello? i didn’t even give an answer” you say before hanging up the phone yourself and heading to your car. while driving, you ask your siri to call danielle and when she picks up, you can’t help but tell her the strangest thing that’s happened to you today.

“his DAD?! okay, what the hell y/n?”

“that’s what i’m saying!! like, he was caressing my hand, sizing me up and down, and he sounded like he was flirting”

“eewwww!!! he finds you attractive, y/n. ew, do not go to that dinner”

“but…jungkook is gonna be there” you squeak out and there’s a moment of silence between you and danielle when you mention jungkook.

“i thought you were mad at him?”

“i am mad at him! it’s only to get an apology”

“no it isn’t, you liar! you want to see him don’t you?”

“danny, before he did that bullshit to me i was going to ask him out on a date but i was scared and the thing is, i’m not scared anymore”

“i don’t know, n/n. he blew up on you twice, his mother despises you, and his father is attracted to you. all three of them are weirdos”

“oh c’mon!! i should go in a sexy dress and show jungkook that i’m not that same girl, i’ve evolved”

“he has your number. i’m sure he can find you on instagram and you can post about it”

“DANNY!!!!”

“my answer is no. it has red flags written all over it but if you want to, go ahead”

“i was definitely going anyways buuuut i need you to help me pick out a dress. i want to have his mother kissing my ass, jungkook looking at my ass, and his father wishing he could have my ass”

“pffthaha, you are such a weirdo. so when are we going shopping?”

“right now? i just got off work”

“ehhhhhh how about 3:30?”

“that works!”

“cool, i’ll see you girl”

“see you. love youuu!”

“love you too weirdo!!”

the dinner is in 2 1/2 hours and you and danielle spend a lot of time looking for dresses that would put anybody in a trance in your were to walk in a room.

from short dresses, to backless dresses, and even strapless dress, it was hard to pick a dress that stood out to danielle because she wanted something that matched your vibe.

“oh yeah, this is sooooo you” sexy yet innocent, the blue brings out your freckles, and then the slit?! oh yeah, she’s sure jungkook is going to have a hard time keeping his hands to himself when he sees that. the dress hugs every curve you have and don’t have at the same time and the jewelry danielle chose, seriously, danielle might’ve been a fashion designer in her past life because your entire dress screams LOOK AT ME NOW BITCHES.

“thanks so much danny!!” you say as you buy the dress with the shoes and accessories and head home to doll yourself up for tonight. you spray yourself down and keep your makeup to a minimum. your short hair is in a side part with little clips to keep your bangs behind your ears and although your feet is killing you, you look really pretty. you feel pretty.

if only eunwoo could see you now.

“be good stormy. mama will be back soon” you tell your dog as you make sure she’s okay before leaving the pomeranian on her own.

“alright, jungkook here i come”

He’s dressed up quite nice, he did put in a little effort for you maybe so he hopes that you’ll notice it and maybe even compliment him.

He’s already at the residence and it’s not really a thrill to be sitting here with his parents and his dad looks a little too happy while his mother is as always scoffing.

Jungkook rolls his eyes, staring at the screen of his phone, when will you be here? He can’t wait for you to come, it’s been long since he’s seen you in person.

And he doesn’t bother to reply to his parents occasional banter. But when his mother asks his dad the burning question, he can’t help but perk his head up.

“Yeah, father… why did you invite yn?” He asks, his eyes getting a little dark because it’s all just plain weird. You must be thinking that the whole family is crazy.

And his father shouldn’t have ANY kind of business with you.

“I need the-“” he’s cut off as the lounge gates open, and the uniformed servant comes in, along with you-

Holy shit.

He can’t believe that it’s you.

“Y-Yn.” He gulps, his attention no longer focused on his father but instead he is gawking at you, with drool almost coming out from his mouth as he noticed your appearance.

He takes in a breath and exhales…. You look… wow. You look beyond wow, and that smile of yours? It’s to die for? Everything about you is simply stunning.

You look so familiar yet so different.

“Y-YN HELLO..” he chokes out, he grabs the glass of water right infront of and chugs it down.

You’ve got him so thirsty all of a sudden.

[him^]

[m4ctavish]

ghost — the apprentice.

masterlist.

pairing : simon “ghost” riley and gn!reader

desc : i can’t think of a funny description so, in short, ghost takes reader under his wing and teaches them a thing or two from his personal handbook. (“i’m reader and this is ghost and you’re watching jackass.” queue homemade c4 blowing up in the background)

a/n : ghost has reader on one of those kiddy leashes with like, a cat on it or smth.

simon “ghost” riley :

ghost really has to see something in you in order for him to even consider taking you under his wing. you’d have to show him that you’re worth him taking extra time out of his day to teach you something that you may just forget within the day

he can be a bit of an intimidating teacher. he’ll often quiz you on things he’s gone over with you within the past week or so, so you can either cover them again or figure out what you need to improve on.

there’s a variety of things he may go over depending on where your curiosity lies. guerilla warfare, hand to hand, knife efficiency, etc.

knife efficiency would likely be the one he’s the most serious about— he kind of has to be. all it takes is your target turning around and reacting before you do. perhaps you’re already efficient with a knife but there’s always room for improvement and ghost offers a plethora of information one normally wouldn’t know. he’s circling you like a hawk the entire time you go through the forms he taught you, stepping in with an occasional but jarring, “wrong.” every now and then. he’d then move to correct either your posture or the way you’re holding your blade. on another hand, if the two of you are doing a spar session for him to get a hands on assessment of your skill, he’ll be taking it as seriously as he does in the field. about maybe 30 seconds in, you’ll end up with a knife pressed up against your ribs, “you’re dead. stop being so open unless you want to get yourself killed.” or to your throat, “dead again. fix it.” he understands that sometimes mistakes happen. it’s just human nature. but he wants you to be able to minimize those chances so you don’t end up with a gun pressed to your head when you failed an otherwise safe takedown.

hand to hand is essentially the same. he’ll go through some forms with you, as well as a few moves. some are meant for immobilizing, others with the intent of knocking someone out cold. he’ll give you a demonstration on a training dummy beforehand, making sure to explain thoroughly what exactly you’re aiming for as well as the amount of force that should be behind your hit. adding on to that, he’d single out all of the weak points on the human body and what it’d take to cause some damage. (leaves you a bit concerned about how he knows all of this but maybe you don’t want to know..)

guerilla warfare and learning to make do with limited resources would likely be the most enjoyable/fun. it’s almost like an arts and crafts class except your crafts teacher is a decorated war veteran who kills people for a living. he’d give you a demonstration beforehand, listing off what you may need given what you have around you, then he’d give you instructions for whatever it is you’ll be putting together and see how quickly you can assemble it. (maybe if you’re lucky, he’ll take you out to a clearing and let you try out your freshly assembled trip mine or smoke grenade. just to see how effective it is.)

make him proud in the field; put your new knowledge to use. show him that everything he told you and showed you didn’t just vanish from your mind overnight.

the two of you make one hell of a team on stealth missions. rest easy knowing that he’s got your back the entire time, even if he’s not in your line of sight. (“coming up on your six.” or “on you, mate.”)

once everything is clear and you’re sitting on the helo after exfil, he’ll give you an affirming pat on the shoulder and a nod of his head. (“did good. keep it up.”)

[neowinestainedress]

Thigh riding Haechan 👀

w!: thigh riding (+ clothed humping, a bit of exhibitionism, light degradation)

Okay, first of all, IMMACULATE CONCEPT BECAUSE HAVE YOU SEEN HAECHAN’S THIGHS? YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT wanna bite them as a love language

Personally, I would always stare at them and I think that’s exactly why he would start teasing.

At the start he doesn’t say anything, he just looks at you with a small smirk on his face noticing how you can’t help but stare with your mouth slightly open every time he’s wearing shorts.

Then he starts doing it on purpose, especially when he’s playing video games with the boys and you’re sitting next to him, just to keep him company. At first, you’re not paying attention to him, but once you look at him, you can’t help but squirm in your place.

He’s wearing shorts, his legs are parted enough to make the clothes look even tighter on him, highlighting the muscles of his thighs, and the way he teases the others when they do a mistake is not helping at all to don’t make you want to get up on him and fuck him.

And Haechan knows, he sees the way you’re squeezing your thighs, he sees the way your breath is accelerating and how hard you’re trying to keep your focus on whatever you’re doing on your phone. But he doesn’t say a thing until they decide to take a break.

“Come here,” Haechan says, patting his thigh, and looking at you with rather soft eyes.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he replies, resting his head against his gamer chair, looking at you with a smug smirk on his face. So you obey and sit on his thigh. “Want to be close to you,” he whispers, fixing your skirt, smirking and snickering when the wet patch of your panties makes contact with his skin. And there’s nothing you can do to hide it, so you at least try to look interested in the game they’re playing.

But when they start playing again it’s torture. You know Haechan is doing it on purpose, flexing his muscles, rubbing circles with his thumb against your hip, cursing at the smallest mistake he or the others make with an incredibly low tone that makes your head dizzy.

And when you start rolling your hips against him, you don’t even realize, it comes naturally. You just start rubbing your sensitive clit against his skin, lips parting, letting out small whimpers of relief, and fingers clenching around his desk to hold yourself up.

“Seriously?” He whispers, only for you to hear, distracting himself and almost getting killed, Jeno yelling at him to pay attention.

And Haechan tries, but he can’t help but pay attention to you. There’s something so hot in the way you look so desperate while all dressed you hump him, trying to get off just with the friction against his thigh.

And he’d like to care about their game but he can’t when he has you. “I gotta go,” Haechan says, without giving them time to realize he’s dropping them in the middle of the game, turning off the microphone, and logging off. He would’ve dealt with their curses later.

“You are such a brat,” he groans, making you stop, eliciting a whine from you, but it’s just to turn you around so you’re facing him. “Couldn’t even wait until I was done with the game,” he mocks, kissing you roughly, hands gripping your waist to urge you to grind faster. “Had to start humping me like a desperate puppy in heat, not even caring if they heard your little moans.”

“It felt good,” you moan, your thighs clenching more around his as you could feel the build-up of the orgasm. “I love – love your thighs.”

Haechan snickers, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know. You’re dripping all over me. You’re so wet that your panties can’t even hold all your wetness in.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble but truly, you’re not, you love this too much to care about the mess. And Haechan doesn’t care either.

You’re too hot like this, with your brows knitted in concentration as you move your hips back and forth and occasionally circle them, with your beautiful, flushed face and your lower lip trapped between your teeth as you try to don’t sound as desperate as you look.

“Fuck,” he moans when your thigh rubs against his – by now – hard cock. “That’s my good girl, keep humping me, come on. Fuck my thigh just like that,” he encourages you, throwing his head back and holding your hips tighter.

“Gonna come,” you warn, pressing harder against him, making him smirk at your desperation.

“Come, get off on my thigh like a desperate puppy.”

The teasing, his voice, and one last flex of his thigh are the last things you need to come, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as you feel more cum drip out of you, trying to muffle the loud moans rolling out of your lips against his shoulder while your body shakes against him.

“Good girl,” he praises before kissing you softly when you lift your head again. “Are you tired?” He asks, and you nod shily, still trying to calm your breath.

“Oh, puppy, now there’s something bigger you have to ride.”

[wrenthetitmouse]

As someone who has been on both sides of the healthcare equation a fair bit (student nurse and person with chronic health issues) it frustrates me to no end when people tell me to 'just go to the ER'. I know what they would do - they would rule out anything that is going to immediately seriously hurt or kill me (hopefully) and then send me home to follow up with my primary care provider. It's not a quick fix for me like it often is for people with no chronic health issues and it's probably just going to end up with me feeling worse and wasting time and resources for both the healthcare system and myself - I could also pick up an infection or illness, because as much as we try to keep things clean, hospitals are full of sick people and as such are dirtier and germier than most people expect. There are only so many spoons to go around and I don't want to use them for something that won't help me and could potentially just make me worse.

I think people genuinely want to help me but they have little to no insight into my lived experience as both patient and provider (in training). For most people who are relatively healthy, their understanding of illness and injury is that you get sick or hurt, then you go to the doctor or to the hospital, and then you get better, or you skip that middle step and get better by yourself. The normal level of pain for people without chronic health conditions is little to none, depending on factors like normal period cramps, the occasional ache or pain, or those odd little bruises and scratches (I see people say the normal level of pain is zero, and whilst I agree with the sentiment, my autistic brain is pedantic AF and won't let me say that lol).

Massive spiel about how I figure out if I need to seek medical attention or not below the cut, I am a yapper at heart and incapable of conciseness.

So, if someone with no chronic pain or health issues experiences something like constant and unrelenting vomiting, persistent shortness of breath, severe chest pain and/or heart racing and palpitations, a blinding headache, or severe abdominal/pelvic pain and tenderness, it's very clear cut for them to go to the ER. For someone with a chronic health issue or chronic pain, this may be their every day or their flare when they are overtired or pick up something like the common cold or a stomach bug. Needless to say, it would be impractical and unhelpful for someone with, for instance, endometriosis, to go to the ER every month when their symptoms flare. (Or randomly, if your cycle is less of a cycle and more of an un-lucky-dip/neverending rollercoaster/Satan's wheel of misfortune like mine is.)

Even medical professionals who work with people with chronic illness and pain every day sometimes struggle to grasp this concept, especially if they don't have any personal experience with it. I feel like this is part of the reason why many chronically ill people find public health information confusing to interpret or near impossible to relate to - it's not really designed with us in mind, because in most cases, our specific condition/set of conditions (and therefore our experience) is a minority. If I went to the hospital every time the communication aimed at the general public tells me to, I would be there every couple of weeks.

The most helpful thing I have found to help me know when it's time to seek urgent medical attention is to follow these principles:

Know your normal. If you know what symptoms are normal for you and when, and what they feel like, it'll be easier for you to recognize a change or deviation from your norm. This is one of the many reasons why even vague and inconsistent symptom tracking/journaling can be really useful for those of us with chronic health issues. (I use an app called QENDO and the period tracker Clue to track my symptoms of suspected endo.)

When you do see a doctor or specialist or health professional, ask them a butt-ton of questions about what to watch for so you can make a plan (kind of like the personalized asthma management plans that we have in Australia that say when to take your medication, when to see your doctor, and when to call an ambulance). This is helpful mainly for understanding when you should seek medical attention for the condition(s) you have or are suspected to have - for instance, if I were to pass out then I would need to go to urgent care or the ER to check on my heart and blood pressure because I've talked with some doctors who think that I might have POTS. This will be different for everyone, some people regularly pass out, have seizures etc... and that is their normal. If you don't have access to a provider that is willing to help or listen then doing your own research about your conditions can be helpful but it doesn't really replace individualized professional medical advice.

Know which conditions and complications you are at increased risk for. This might sound obvious, but it's important. As a young woman who takes hormonal birth control and has gastro-oesophageal reflux disease, I am at an increased risk for things like strokes, blood clots, stomach ulcers, and GI tract bleeds compared to the general population. That way I know that if I experience something like one-sided weakness and paralysis, vomiting or coughing up blood, or throbbing pain/swelling in one leg, I need to seek urgent medical attention. On the other hand, severe lower abdominal or pelvic pain, very heavy menstrual bleeding, severe headaches and severe pain in my lower back and both legs is normal for me, especially around my period (please remember these symptoms shouldn't be ignored. They should always be taken seriously and it's really important to talk to a medical provider about them if you haven't before. I talked to my doctors about these symptoms and made a plan for how to manage and investigate them).

As always just a disclaimer that nothing I post on here should be taken as medical advice at all ever. I have like... half a qualification at best and I'm not acting or speaking on behalf of anyone but myself and I'm not acting or speaking in any professional capacity - just casual blogging on the internet.

*If you are concerned at all about your health and you go to the ER or urgent care this does not mean you are wasting time and resources! please don't put off seeking medical attention because you are worried about 'wasting time', ruling out a serious issue and making sure you are OK is never a waste of time. If you are seriously worried about your health then please seek professional help.

There is nearly nothing as frustrating as being told to go to the ER for symptoms that you experience on the regular, and the person not understanding that their solution isn't an option.

Like, I was told to go the ER for my repetitive vomiting, when I experience that once a month from endometriosis. How would a once a month ER trip be practical?

Literally what will they do? Why would I spend 5 + hours at an ER being so sick I want to die when I could do the same thing at home in bed? Able bodied people are truly in a different reality, the ER will not help me.

[moemammon]

Could I request HC of MC falling asleep on the brothers and someone asks them to do something but they don’t want to move bc of MC🥺 kinda like how it’s illegal to move if an animal is asleep on you🥺💕 thank you!

I'm soft for stuff like this tbh

The Demon Brothers react to GN!MC falling asleep on them

Lucifer

Lucifer has found that he works best when you're near him. Something about your presence calms his old soul. So it's become a habit that he has you near while he's going through paperwork, always touching you in some fashion.

Today, you were resting your head against his shoulder in the late afternoon, the warmth of his body and the sound of his pen scribbling on paper lulling you into a sense of peace and sleepiness.

He looked over after noticing the added weight against his side, and found you'd drifted off to sleep. And man.... this man realizes just how soft he is for you. Like, can you BE any cuter??? You're gonna kill him.

He feels a warmth swell up in his chest, not only from his affection for you, he the way you seem so peaceful sleeping against him like that. The fact that you feel secure with him, while others only seem to fear him, makes his heart fill to the brim.

But now he can't move, or you'll wake up. And to make matters worse, he just heard a loud ass crash in the hall right outside, and the sound of Mammon cursing under his breath. MAMMOOONNNNN-

As much as it pains him, he doesn't have the strength to get up while you look so content and secure sleeping against him like this. Besides, he can always kill punish Mammon later. He’d just text Beel to string him up from the ceiling until then.

Mammon

It's not unusual for the two of you to chill on the couch together, and he doesn't even care that you're all over him. Actually, he's probably the one that pulled you into such a position.

You're laying on his chest, and he's got his arms around you while he plays around on his phone. And that's when he notices the tiniest of snores coming from you. He looks down and sees that you've fallen asleep.

FUCK does that make him wanna scream. His heart is so full of love that he's literally trembling. You were so.. sO CUTE. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. HE LOVES YOU, DAMN IT.

But then he gets a text from Lucifer, asking him to go back to RAD to fetch some documents. Why'd he have to be his errand boy all the time? Why not Satan??

Mammon is no stranger to Lucifer's wrath though, so now he has a strong need to get you off of him, yet an equally strong need to hold you close.

Especially when you mumble something that sounded vaguely like his name in your sleep. Maybe... it’d be fine to let you rest a little longer? It's not like those lousy papers were going anywhere, right?

Levi

You????? Felt comfortable enough to sleep on him?????? In the middle of a movie he put on????

There's practically steam coming out of his ears. He's short circuiting. He's going to die and it's all your fault. WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE YOURE JUST SLEEPING ON HIS ARM AND YET THE MOE IS TOO STRONG-

Seriously though, he's so red up to his ears that you'd think he might die. The only thing that keeps him from death is that you aren't awake to look at him. He was safe!

But then a notification pops up on his D.D.D, and he suddenly remembers he’s got a tournament to compete in with a couple of online friends! He promised them!!!

Maybe... he'll wake you up? No no no, he'd really die if that happened! You can't wake up yet!! But the game-! The dungeon run-!! The loot!!! What can he do?! There's no way he can ruin this 'straight-out-of-an-anime' moment!!!

Levi's never been one to miss a chance to game, so why was he so conflicted?! Now he was thinking that maybe he could just reschedule the match? Besides, when was the next time he might get to see your sleeping face so close to his own? He wonders if he could sneak in a picture or two...

Satan

Satan's entire room, albeit cluttered, has a cozy vibe. Just the way he likes, as a man who prefers to keep calm and indulge in the wonders of books. And he's invited you over to indulge with him, per usual

Though he'll admit it IS a little late, so he understands that you're sleepy. It doesn't even surprise him when you slump against his arm from your position next to him, the book on your lap sliding to the ground.

As much as it pains him to see the book fall like that, he quickly realizes he can't bend down to grab it, or you'll wake up.

And he hasn't had a chance to really look closely at your sleeping expression, so he has to get his priorities in order. He could get that boom later, anyway.

He laughs at you, and how easily you've fallen asleep. Why didn't you just tell him you were tired? He’d walk you back to your room so you could sleep. Yet you wanted to spend time with him so badly that you pushed through?

He closes his book and leans his head against yours with a soft sigh. Peaceful days like this were all he could ever ask for. He wished he had a spell to preserve this moment forever.

Asmo

Helloooo? Are you even listening anymore?? He was in the middle of telling you about the time Beel ate his entire collection of bath bombs, and you fell asleep right on his lap!

Probably because he was making you lay there while he dabbed products onto your face. "This one is a great toner. Doesn't it smell good? And this moisturizer here is sooo creamy!"

He can't help but notice how peaceful you look laying there, fast asleep. He could just eat you up! Catch him leaning in to kiss you a million times, wondering if you'll wake up.

He's gotta put that kissing on hold when he realizes he has a photo shoot to get to in an hour! He'd need every single minute to get himself ready of course, so he needed to start now. The only problem was... you. On his lap.

He can't get up or he’d be cruelly abandoning his precious MC! And there was no way he’d be that heartless. But that photo shoot was pretty important... How else would he give the devildom its dose of his gorgeous face???

Cue Satan coming in and finding Asmo doing his skin care on his bed, straining to see his reflection in the far away vanity mirror... all so he wouldn't disturb a hair on your adorable little head.

Beel

Beel had asked if you'd lay on his back for extra weight while he did his planks, but he never expected you to fall asleep there. Belphie does the same thing sometimes, so he's no stranger to having to stay still for someone else's sake.

The warmth of your form draped over his back makes him smile, and he wonders if you're cozy laying like that. Wasn't his back kind of hard?

He was fine with waiting until you woke up, since being stuck in a plank for an unknown amount of time would be a great workout, what wasn't so great was the gnawing of hunger slowly starting to creep up on him.

Beel was hungry. Starving, even. And he was stuck because you fell asleep on him. He tried muttering a soft "MC, wake up" as a means to gently wake you, but when you didn't budge, he wondered if he might die like this.

The longer he waited, the more his hunger built. It was five minutes. Ten minutes. Twenty, and then- he lost it.

You wake up to being suddenly dumped onto the cold floor, and you only catch a glimpse of the avatar of gluttony rushing off to empty the fridge of its contents.

He'll apologize when he's full, okay? He promises he loves you, but his hunger is no joke. Promises to treat you to Madam Scream's later as an apology.

Belphie

Not unexpected that you'd fall asleep while in Belphie's care. He had a knack for that sort of thing, bringing the air around him to a sleepy halt and making your eyes heavy with that smooth voice of his.

You were listening to him talk about the old days, when he and Beel would sneak away from their brothers to have their own adventures. Then the next thing you knew, you were drifting off to sleep.

Belphie immediately noticed when your head leaned against his hand; he’d been toying around with your hair and occasionally stroking your cheeks. This was one of those moments he didn't feel like bullying you, after all.

But now he kind of does. You were so innocent, and so vulnerable right now! He could tickle you awake at any moment and you wouldn't be able to stop him at all... Though he doesn't.

He instead looks up when the door opens and Beel pops into the bedroom to ask if Belphie can help him find his jacket. There's no way he’d deny his brother, sooo sorry mc. He hesitates for two seconds, but he's leaving you.

Belphie is a sleep expert, and that includes his mastery of the art of not waking people up, so somehow he's managed to carefully maneuver around you so you're still fast asleep.

Leaves you with a little kiss and tucks you into his bed. He'll come tickle you to death later 💕

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

Jason Todd x Magic!Reader Imagine

Just a short sweet scenario I thought of. Both of my other WIPs are turning out way longer than I thought (as in about 9,000 words longer) so enjoy this while I work on those

Jason Todd x GN!Reader... It's exactly what it sounds like so enjoy!

You and Jason met when he was with the outlaws. You were investigating a series of magical murders and he was there taking out some mob boss. He told you but you didn’t listen much

You met a few times after that and hit it off. Both of you had a very grey moral code. Neither was above killing those who deserve it but while Jason used guns you kept teasing him about using a “coward's weapon”

You were a magic user, a jack of all trades of sorts. Instead of focusing and mastering one type of magic you knew enough about each kind to deal with almost anything. You worked a lot with John Constantine, he was your mentor as a kid learning to use magic and now your base of operations in the house of mysteries

The first time you took Jason to the house of mysteries to discuss a case you were working on you were surprised how calm he was. Turns out he’s had his fair share of crazy.

You began working together once you realized that both of you just kind of set up camp wherever your job takes you so you might as well team up right?

Occasionally someone from the batfamily or John would join you for a case and you and Jason loved annoying them by being overly flirtatious. You weren’t an item (yet) but you loved seeing John roll his eyes or Tim pretend to gag. It was the hilarious

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how you see it) Joke flirting became real. After all, what's that seeing about fake it till you make it? And eventually you and Jason grew feelings for each other

You both kept it on the down low, continuing to flirt “Jokingly” while you worked.

Eventually this would come back to bite you in the ass when you came back to the safehouse and Jason had been staying in while you were in Salem, Massachusetts. You were the murders of some witches and came back to find the apartment empty and a note saying if you wanted your “boyfriend” back to be at Gallows hill at midnight

You walked through the park in which the witches of Salem were hung during the famous trials. Salem was known for being a hub for magic even now and you knew that whoever took Jason had something to do with the murders you were there to investigate

When you got to the middle of the park you saw Jason, smiling with a rope around his neck on a gallow. He didn’t seem to mind the fact that his life was at stake but then again when was it not

You took down the man who was trying to once again purge Salem of it’s “demonic witches” and when you freed Jason from the gallow he smirked.

“That guy thought we were dating, can you believe it?” Jason joked and you rolled your eyes, pulling Jason by his shirt into a kiss.

After that the two of you stayed basically the same, you already cuddled, you slept in the same bed because it's cheaper and you jokingly flirt all the time so the only thing that changed is that you were officially together. Both of your families and friends teased you a lot for that

You didn’t think it was that big of a difference, you could now kiss Jason without worrying about his reaction and he could call you whatever sappy nickname came to mind

“Y/N, love, magic babe, I really need you to not keep 20,000 sigils everywhere. Seriously, you gotta take some time to go through all of these!”

Because there almost no changes in behavior whenever one of Jason’s brothers came around they were more than a bit confused.

“Jason, love, You need to get your bloody suit out of the washer! It’s been beeping for five minutes and I can’t focus!”

“Hey! Don’t go all British on me! Just because John’s allowed in here doesn’t mean you can start talking like him” He said from the kitchen of your shared apartment and Tim (who awkwardly sat next to you on a couch) looked between the two of you in confusion

“Jason, when in my hell of an existence I call a life , have I used bloody the British way?!” You yelled at him and within seconds he ran past you and to the washer

“My fucking suit! thanks love” He said and you went back to your book. Tim looked at your floating figure with a seemingly blank book hovering in front of you and asked “How the hell did that get that response?” He asked and you smirked. “Magic” You teased

“I swear you two are a match made in heaven” Tim grumbled

“Hell actually!” Both you and Jason corrected at the same time