#but recently i've seen so many people being unable to just.
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plut00nline · 3 days ago
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Just saw a tiktok of someone "explaining" the past few eps of arcane (the black rose, the wolves, the arcane) and although it was a good video it's also like, the show just set that shit up, at least give them time to explain it within the story. We don't need to know every bit of information the second it's revealed, especially if you don't follow LoL lore or even just want to be intrigued by wtf is going to happen.
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useless-englandfacts · 4 months ago
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We have had an influx of messages from people in Gaza, and so I'm putting them all in one post.
Please have a read of all of them - I've only included a summary of their stories here (you can read their full stories on their respective blogs and gofund.me pages), and the amount raised is at the time of posting. If you can't afford to give, then at the very least reblog and share this post.
@ahmednimer: raised €40,521 out of €49,000
I'm Ahmed Alanqar, 34 years old, married to Dina Alanqar, and we have three children Zeina (7 years old), Eileen (6 years old), and Yamen (4 years old), have faced all the challenges brought by the war in Gaza, but now we need your help to escape this tragedy.
His gofund.me is here
@alaakh9: raised €3,748 out of €20,000
My name is Alaa, I'm a Palestinian mother of two children: Maria and Hamza, and expecting another child, as well as a wife and a daughter. Until last October, I was living a regular and stable life with my husband, children, immediate family, and my in-laws. We lost everything: our home, our jobs, our dreams. My biggest worry is for Hamza and Maria, their future is uncertain. Where will they live, study, and grow up? Gaza offers little hope now, as the essentials of life are being destroyed. My children's future seems bleak, overshadowed by uncertainty.
Her gofund.me is here
@hmzamahamed3: raised €25,994 out of €37,000
Your support is a lifeline of hope. A few days ago, the area where my family's tents were was bombed, and the situation was very dangerous now. There is no water for thirst everywhere, and there is no food. Food is very expensive. If they want to eat, for example, a simple meal, they need a hundred euros, consisting of vegetables and simple things. If they want fruit, which is not available, the fruits they have not seen for months, and if they find their prices are exorbitant, they live now. I hope you support them and help them get out
His gofund.me is here
@shahednhall: raised $43,719 out of $80,000
I am Shahd from the southern Gaza Strip. All my life, I have been building a life for me and my family. It persisted in a good future, when the war in Gaza began on October 7, 2023. We were in extreme fear during the displacement, and found ourselves in an insufficient small tent. Despite the lack of safety, food, clean water and the spread of diseases, we had to live this difficult life under bombardment, knowing that at any moment, my family and I could lose our lives My whole life has been scattered, and I am extremely frustrated and sad by the ongoing genocide I witness every day.
Her gofund.me is here
@safaabed8: raised €13,194 out of €50,000
I'm Safaa, 25 years old, the wife of the best man in the world and the mother of the two most beautiful children, but the war deprived them of their childhood and its beauty. As you know, the Egyptian government imposes entry fees to its territory ranging from 5,000 to 8,000 dollars per person. Therefore, we need you to stand by us to leave Gaza and stay in Egypt, including rent expenses for my family and children. I hope everyone can help us do this as soon as possible. We do not want to lose anyone else from our family, just as we have lost many of our friends, loved ones, and relatives. Your support can be the light that guides us to safety, to a place where Ibtisam and Ibrahim can grow.
Her gofund.me is here
@tamer200333: raised $2337 out of $60,000
My name is Marcus, from North Carolina in the US, and I am managing this fundraiser on behalf of Mahmoud and Maysaa Baalousha. I recently found Mahmoud on social media in need of someone to make a fundraiser to evacuate his sister, Maysaa, who is displaced in Al-Shati, Gaza with her husband, Muhammed, and four children, Tamer, Mohamed, Dana, and Dima. Mahmoud is presently displaced, but safe, in Egypt, but is unable to make a fundraiser for his sister. I am currently in contact with him on WhatsApp where he has provided me information on his sister and her family. Maysaa suffers from pulmonary fibrosis. Due to the continued siege on Gaza and the specific targeting of hospitals, she is unable to access the care she desperately needs. This campaign will provide the funds she and her family needs to evacuate and access medical care once the border re-opens.
His gofund.me is here
@hadeelmekki: raised €9,338 out of €35,000
I am Hadeel Mikki from Gaza, Palestine and this is my husband Waseem Mikki, my daughters Mira and Nadia, My mother Tahani Mikki, and my two brothers. The objective of this fundraising drive is to secure the passage of my family, comprising my husband, two daughters, mother, two brothers, and myself, through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt. Presently, this journey necessitates £5000 per person. This campaign stands as our sole opportunity for survival, and I earnestly implore your aid during this pivotal juncture. Rest assured, I will furnish you with a detailed breakdown of the expenses, vowing transparency, and lucidity throughout.
her gofund.me is here
@ashraf-family2: raised €13,029 out of €20,000
My name is Ashraf Alanqar, and I am 30 years old. My wife, Widad Issa, and I have a one-and-a-half-year-old son named Bakr. We used to live peacefully in the Al-Shuja’iya neighborhood, in a house we built just a week before the war began. I worked as a farmer and owned a large chicken farm that provided for my family. We urgently need your help. I am asking for your support to fund this campaign to move my family to a safe place, provide us with a proper home, and ensure we have enough food, water, and medical care.
His gofund.me is here
@88mohammed: raised €1,338 out of €100,000
My name is Mohammed Shurrab , a qualified medical doctor, palestinian living in Gaza, facing significant challenges with my family due to continuous attacks and shortages of food, water, and medicine. We need your help to escape this dire situation and find safety in Egypt. Please help us to preserve the lives of my child and my family. My family consists of my child and my wife in addition to my parents, grandfather and 4 sisters with her families and 3 brothers, since the start of war our house has been damaged and we have been displaced to a safer place, but there is still danger to our lives. The cost of crossing into Egypt is high reaching 5000$ for adults and 2500$ for children, and there is no job and no income in the war, we have been lost every things in this war, our house and our jobs and now don’t have anything.
His gofund.me is here
@amira-world: raised €16,865 out of €20,000
After my father's passing, I found myself taking care of my family, consisting of my mother, sister Noor, and brother Abdulrahman. My mother, suffering from high blood pressure and diabetes, faces health problems that further complicate their situation. But courage and determination drive Amira forward. I worked as a teaching assistant at the university while pursuing a master's degree in data science, and also worked as a programmer in a company. My life was going smoothly until war came and destroyed everything.
Her gofund.me is here
@mohammadayyad: raised €12,698 out of €35,000
I am writing to you in a time of dire need, seeking your compassionate assistance for my uncle Mohammed and his five children, who are enduring the severe hardships of the conflict in Gaza. For over 200 days, they have faced unimaginable fear and suffering. The ongoing crisis has left them without a home, employment, or access to education. Moreover, the healthcare challenges in the region have tragically claimed the life of my grandmother, who passed away not directly from the conflict, but from a critical shortage of medical supplies.
His gofund.me is here
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kyriethesquishysquid · 1 year ago
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Heard Through the Grapevine (König/Fem!Reader)
Summary: There were always crazy rumors whirling around military bases and KorTac was no different. König, in particular, was often the victim of the most vicious rumors. Despite knowing her opinion is unpopular, the lovely reader refuses to partake in spreading the lies and often stands up against them instead, all while trying to battle her growing feelings for the quiet colonel. 
Word count: ~9K
A/N: Some use of Y/N. Reader’s description is left rather vague but there are details of her being short, chubby, and with hair long enough to pull back. Reader is aged between her mid-twenties to mid-thirties. While König has no exact canon age, in this fic he will be somewhere around 40 (an age range I’ve seen people come to match with his ranking as colonel). König has anxiety, reader has anxiety, we ALL have anxiety. Slightly possible medical inaccuracies- While I am a nurse, I am not an AP or Emergency Room nurse so I’ve never done stitches myself. I’m using my basic medical knowledge, what I’ve learned in classes, and Google. So please forgive any inaccuracies! As always, I've never played COD. No beta we die like Graves.
TW: Porn with minor plot. Romance and smut. Slight age gap (reader is somewhere around 5-15 years younger than König). Size kink, mild innocence kink(?) dom/sub themes, M!dom/F!sub, major power play, praise-degradation, accent/language kink, voice kink, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, and loottss of pet names (I’m a whore for pet names) in both German and English. Mentions of violence. Talk of blood, wounds, and stitching in a medical setting. 
Simple Translations (Longer translations will be included next to their sentences!):
Scheiße - Shit
Kleines - Little one
Kätzchen - Kitten
Schätzchen - Sweetheart
Liebling - Darling/Love
“You can’t say he doesn’t terrify you!” 
Your friend’s words scoffed through a mouth full of pizza made you grimace for multiple reasons, a shrug of your shoulders being your only answer as you dug back into your mashed potatoes. 
“Seriously, Y/N?” Mark pressed harder with obvious disbelief. 
“What?” you retorted sharply, “Is it so hard to believe I’m not scared of the colonel just because he’s a big guy?” 
 “Then what’s with the way you look at him?” your best friend, Lisa, added, unable to hide the coy smirk growing.
A heavy sigh left your lungs and you dropped your spoon onto your plate, directing a deadpan look at the both of them as you realized they were not going to drop the subject. 
Damn her and her mischievous nature. She was the only one who knew even a little about your hidden feelings for König, having been spilled one late night under the stars after far too many drinks, and she hadn’t stopped giving you shit for it since. Thankfully, she was a good friend and didn’t air out your personal laundry to anybody; not even your other mutual friends. However, that didn’t stop her from teasing you at every turn possible. Like now. The whole topic was a stupid subject in your eyes, brought on by the recent rumors about König having decapitated a new recruit for looking at him wrong. Ridiculous, unbelievable, and yet people wouldn’t let it go. It made you feel a kinship for the big man. Though for different reasons, you’d been the subject of many rumors over your life, having been picked on and subjected to bullshit drama simply because of your weight. Perhaps that was the biggest trigger of it all, but the fact you truly liked König was certainly a major supporting factor.
“Colonel König is intimidating, yes, but most men are intimidating; save for the present company,” you shot back with a little grin, earning a scowl from said man, “Nonetheless, I’m not scared of him. He’s never raised his voice at me, nor given me a reason to believe those stupid fucking rumors people want to spread about him. He’s always treated me with respect, more than any of the other cocky bastards around here do really. Those stupid rumors come from people who are jealous of him, either his rank or his superior physical condition, OR from people who have nothing better to do with their downtime than come up with spooky stories.”
Your best friend’s eyes went owlish in shock, pulling the corners of your lips into a frown of frustration at her childish behavior, and you prodded her shin gently beneath the table. 
“For fuck's sake, stop looking at me like that. You know I respect and even like the colonel, okay? So no matter what silly shit floats around, I’m not going to believe a word of it until the day I see these supposed cruel actions in person,” you sighed, then pled with her softly, “Just- Just drop it, please.”
When she didn’t respond, you felt a prickle of uncertainty send the hairs on the back of your neck on end. You tried to catch her gaze only to see it traveling off to your right before finally coming back your way with a nervous laugh. 
“I- I didn’t realize it but… he was sitting behind you,” she murmured softly. 
Spine snapping straight, you gaped at her in shock. 
“No way, you’re joking, right?” you hissed. 
The slow shake of her head made your heart fall into your guts, pounding heavily in your veins as you nervously turned in the direction she had looked, only to find him putting up his dirty dishes and exiting the room. 
“Mother fucker!” you groaned, “So- So he heard all of that?!” 
When she nodded, you were almost sure you were going to faint. You and König were on good terms as nurse and patient but that didn’t mean you wanted him to think (however correct it was) that you had some kind of crush on him with how adamantly you defended him. 
Food suddenly didn’t seem so appetizing with the nerves buzzing in your stomach. Pushing your plate away, you got up from the table and quickly dismissed yourself with the excuse of paperwork piling up on your desk. It wasn’t a complete lie at least. Medical documentation was never-ending, especially in a military base with accident-prone soldiers. You only hoped you could make it back to the medical wing without running into the big man himself and making things more awkward. 
Dumping your food, you shoved the plate into the dirty dish bin and rushed out into the hall. You were grateful to find the foot traffic minimal, allowing you to cross the base as quickly as your short legs could carry you. Your anxiety was already high enough with the worries of what König now thought; adding another unknown variable into the mix would spell certain disaster for your mental stability.  
The instant you stepped foot into the medbay and found it empty, you shut and locked the office door before snagging up one of the throw pillows off the old beaten-up couch and screaming into said pillow with all of your might. You screamed and screamed, until your throat hurt and your heart pounded loud in your ears, until you felt that nervous buzz of panic fade from your skin and leave exhaustion behind. 
“I’m gonna need a fucking drink tonight,” you sighed as you dropped into your computer chair, “She’s gonna owe me for this shit.” 
With that last thought, you fell back into the monotonous routine of finishing up charts and notes from the day. 
The next few hours passed quickly into days and days into weeks, time flying by in a blur as you buried yourself in your work and your patients in hopes of forgetting your troubles. You were both relieved and frustrated that you hadn’t seen the colonel at all during that time; relieved you wouldn’t have to deal with an awkward situation but frustrated because, despite the anxiety, you missed his presence. It wasn’t until Horangi assisted a hunched-over König into the office three weeks later that you realized he’d been gone on a mission during that time, a mission that had obviously gone askew. Immediately you jumped to your feet and ushered the duo over, prepared to balance the injured giant on his other side if necessary.
“What happened?” you demanded as Horangi helped König sit on the medical bed. 
“Nothing serious,” König replied, letting out a hiss when Horangi jerked his hand away and none-too-gently removed the makeshift bandage from the bigger man’s side.
A shudder ran down your spine at the amount of drying blood shining against his tight black shirt and then you eyed the tear in the fabric. His pale flesh was covered in different states of drying blood but the bleeding of the visceral wound seemed to be, thankfully, stopped for the time being.
“Good god, not serious?!” you snapped in disbelief. 
König had the gall to roll his eyes as you muttered to yourself about men being stupid and stubborn. As you leaned in closer to examine the gash, Horangi moved aside to give you room. Luckily, the cut looked relatively clean but the depth of it was concerning, with multiple layers of tissue peeking through the wound. 
“Hey, I’m going to debrief with the general,” Horangi commented suddenly, “I’ll let him know you’re getting fixed up first.” 
König gave a small nod in reply as the other operator left the room and you stepped back with a half-smile. 
“I’m going to have to stitch that up. If you’re not comfortable with me doing it, I can call the doctor in but I have done them plenty before if-”
“Ja, I want you to do it,” he cut you off quickly. 
That wasn’t a surprise. Nobody enjoyed having to call one of the docs in during the middle of the night unless it was for a dire emergency because they were all, understandably, cranky when woken. 
“That’s fine,” you agreed, biting your lower lip before gesturing at him and adding, “I- I’ll need you to remove your shirt so I can get a better look and stitch you up.”
König let out a noise of understanding as you turned away to wash your hands and grab out all of the necessary equipment you’d need for the stitches. Thankfully, the wound wasn’t deep enough to have chanced any vital areas, especially since it was on his side, but there was no doubt it was still deep enough that it wouldn’t heal properly without treatment. How he was even upright and talking like normal was beyond you. You were just glad you had been an RN in the emergency room before transferring to KorTac, your time there invaluable for all the shit you’d had to put up with here between busy doctors and never-ending patients. 
“Alrighty, let’s get this show on the… road”
As your gaze met bare, toned, skin, your brain immediately melted into nothingness. Gone were all the years of medical training and college; all that remained were the hormones of a bitch in heat. Never, in the entire year you’d worked with KorTac, had you ever seen him shirtless. He was hardly in here, between his elite skills and natural resilience against being hurt, and the only times he had been were generally for serious things that the doctor would have to take care of, or for routine visits that wouldn’t require him shirtless. So to say you were struck dumb was an understatement. 
Logically, you had known König was fit. It was practically written in all of their contracts to stay in peak physical condition, and the compression shirts he wore did nothing to hide the defined muscles in his arms and stomach, but seeing him without the fabric was even more daunting than you had expected. 
“Schätzchen?” he asked softly, voice full of something that sounded like concern. 
His gloved fingers touching your face finally jerked you out of your entirely inappropriate fantasy of getting the chance to lick up and down his abdomen and you nearly squeaked in shock, barely concealing the noise by clearing your throat. 
“Uh, sorry, I- I don’t know what came over me, uh, okay. Can you lie down for me, please? I’m sure you know this works but I’m gonna numb you up first. It’s probably going to sting,” you warned him.
Setting the equipment on the metal rolling table, you took the last terrifying steps toward him and it took everything in your power not to moan as you realized you were directly face to face with firm pecs until he finally sat. You managed to shake away the lustful thoughts on your own this time and pulled on gloves before grabbing up the syringe. 
“Ready?” you asked, not daring to meet his eyes lest you get too flustered to work. 
“Ja, go ahead,” he rumbled. 
With a steadying breath, you carefully poked the needle into the top layers of the wound and pushed the plunger down slowly. You’d seen other soldiers cry over the pain of a lidocaine injection into an open wound, not that you could blame them, but, of course, König took it all without even flinching. The man really acted like he was made of stone. It was insane. 
“That should kick in in just a few,” you murmured, capping the needle and placing it into the sharps container, “Wanna tell me what happened while we wait?” 
Feeling safe back near the cabinets rather than within arms reach, you finally let your eyes find him and watched in disbelief as he sat up without even a wince, cool blue eyes clear and steady.  
“Ah, nothing serious. There was one hidden upstairs and we didn’t realize it until- well, this,” he replied after a moment, gesturing to his side with a half-chuckle half-sigh. 
A frown turned down your lips at that. God, you really had it lucky, sitting here in your cushy position as a nurse. Sure, the hours sucked, and seeing people hurt (or god forbid worse) really sucked, but at least your life was never in danger like theirs. You hated thinking about him getting hurt like this, no matter how silly it was since he could obviously take care of himself. Swallowing hard, you nodded and grabbed another fresh pair of gloves, snapping them on with a forced smile. 
“Well, I’d hate to see the other guy then,” you teased softly.
It was a joke, and yet it wasn’t. You had no doubt his assailant hadn’t made it out of there in one piece. 
“Let’s just say, not even a talented nurse such as yourself could help him when I was done with him,” he replied.
You couldn’t help but giggle at how his eyes crinkled beneath the faded black smudges, further conveying the amusement lacing his tone. 
“I bet. I know I wouldn’t want to be your enemy, colonel,” you snickered, “Okay, lie down again for me please.”   
König leaned back with a little groan and tucked his right hand behind his head, keeping the angle perfect to avoid stretching or squishing the skin around the wound. There was a comfortable silence as you readied the needle with thread in the driver. You gave him a testing tap around the wound, to which he quickly affirmed he felt nothing before you got to work. You quickly cleaned the area, put a clean drape around it, and then snagged up the needle. It had been a bit since you’d done sutures on such a wound but you quickly fell back into the familiar rhythm with simple interrupted stitches. 
“You’re rather good at that,” he complimented quietly.
You felt your cheeks warm at the praise as you sent him a warm smile and replied, “Thank you. It’s nice to know I haven’t lost my touch since leaving the emergency department.” 
“Oh? What made you decide to come here instead?” 
Well, this was new. While König was always kind to you, it generally never went beyond small talk. You knew as much about him as he did you, though you couldn’t lie and say you were complaining about the change. That little fangirl you tried to hide so deep inside was dancing with elation over the fact that he was trying to keep a conversation going, but it wasn’t helping your little crush one bit.  
“Honestly? Better pay and escape from a bad home situation,” you admitted honestly, “I just didn’t have a great environment to accel in and when my cousin mentioned joining you guys, it just made sense.”  
Tying the last end into a square knot, you snipped off the extra thread and stood with a proud smile, examining your handiwork happily. 
“Gotta say, you’re a model patient, colonel. I don’t wanna see you in here for this again though,” you playfully scolded. 
As you turned away, you were startled by a sudden deep laugh. Not a chuckle or a snort, but a full-on belly laugh, and you were absolutely certain you’d never heard anything more beautiful.  
“And here I was thinking about getting stabbed again just so I could see meine süße kleine krankenschwester.” (My sweet little nurse)
“Hey, no using languages I can’t understand,” you retorted with a giggle, ducking your face in hopes of hiding the way your cheeks flushed with lust at the sound of his mother tongue. 
Why was that so sexy, hearing him speak German? Not that his speaking normally didn’t affect you but, when he fell into his old language, it just did something different. Another laugh rumbled from the man as you went about cleaning up the utensils and you had to grin. You knew, going forward, you’d do anything you could to hear that laugh again. A small glimmer of hope flickered to life in your chest as you ungloved and tossed them in the trash. Maybe this was the beginning of an actual friendship… or more.
As you scolded yourself over the lofty dreams, a presence against your back put a sudden stop to your motions, every last bit of you freezing in place except your heart which pounded valiantly in your veins. 
“You- You shouldn’t- shouldn’t move around so much,” you whispered breathlessly as you tried to shake off the sudden nerves, “Don’t wanna rip your stitches out already.” 
He was all but impossible to ignore, standing so close that you were certain you’d bump into him if you breathed too hard. Taking a small stabilizing breath, your eyes closed in frustration as you caught his scent, the faint smell of sweat, gunpowder, and something spiced, possibly a faded cologne or body wash overtaking your senses. It took all of your will to keep moving and cleaning up as if everything was normal. As you grabbed the antiseptic, you could visibly see the way your hands shook and mentally berated yourself. You were literally just sticking a needle into his side minutes ago. Why was this affecting you so much?! 
You grabbed onto the counter for balance and lifted onto tiptoe only to have the bottle suddenly snagged from you and shelved in its spot just barely within your reach. It would have been completely fine, a nice gesture even, if it weren’t for the fact he had to lean against you to do it. With his free hand resting against your waist for balance, you could feel every- single- fucking- inch of his form against yours. Forbidden images of him taking you right there against the counter flooded your thoughts when you got a very personal feel of his dick against your lower back, completely prominent in its shape even while soft.
The fates were fucking testing you to the ends of your limits at that point. 
“You should get a step stool, kleines, don’t want to hurt yourself,” he mused quietly.
A shaky nod was all you could manage, your fingers wrapping around the edge of the solid countertop and holding on for dear life. You couldn’t find it in you to reply with the mortifying lust clouding your mind. With your luck, instead of thanking him you’d ask to repay the favor with a blowjob. 
Deep breaths. In and out. After a few moments, you knew you should respond. You had to do something to diffuse the situation because he was obviously content to let you stew in your thoughts.  
“You- You- Uhm, you should go rest,” you stammered out after a moment.
And then he was gone. The instant he stepped away, you nearly dropped to the floor, your knees weak and back now startlingly cold. Tucking some hair behind your ear, you spun around and prepared to give him the usual medical spiel about resting and letting the wound heal, only to lose the ability to speak when a large hand cupped your jaw. 
“I’m sorry if I scared you.”
His voice was soft, warm with a tinge of amusement dancing at the edges, and suddenly you remembered the stupid conversation you’d had with your friends in the canteen. Your tongue felt thick and immovable so you settled for shaking your head no, trying to convey that he, in fact, hadn’t scared you.
“No? No, what?” he asked. 
Swallowing down the urge to moan, you shakily replied, “You don’t- didn’t scare me.” 
Your plump cheeks burned hot at the way his icy blue eyes subtly changed, lids lowering into an indiscernible expression as his irises searched your face thoroughly. 
“Are you sure? You’re suddenly much quieter, Schätzchen.”
A little curse escaped before you could catch it as you subconsciously melted into his hand when his thumb started stroking your jawline. The calloused texture rubbed deliciously against your soft skin and sent goosebumps down your arms.    
“I-I’m sure,” you answered, voice barely audible even in the silent room, “Just… unexpected.” 
When he leaned down and hovered just above your ear, you swore you were about to combust. He was close, too fucking close. Delectably within reach and yet so far away in the ways that mattered. Your thighs clenched together in search of some kind of relief when his scent infiltrated your senses again, the same as before but so much stronger, and you couldn’t help the way your stomach fluttered traitorously. 
“That’s all, hmm?” he rumbled lowly. 
Oh. That bastard! He knew what he was doing to you and he was teasing you about it! How was this the same quiet colonel that you practically had to bully into saying more than a few words just a couple of weeks prior? You lifted your hands and prepared to shove him away, to give him a piece of your mind, but he threw you another curveball with the sudden sensation of soft lips against your throat.
“Ah!” 
This time, your gasp was loud, rivaled only by the pounding thump of your heart threatening to burst from your chest. 
“I asked you a question, kleines, I expect an answer.”
A truly pathetic whine fell from your lips as your head fell to rest against his shoulder. How were you supposed to answer him?! Your tongue felt thick and immovable as you soaked in the sensation of his skin against yours.  
“König, please, I don’t- I don’t understand what you want here,” you finally managed to croak through parted lips. 
He let out a small hum but didn’t answer right away. His lips busied themselves trailing barely-there kisses up and down the side of your neck. When you felt his nose brush against your ear, you nearly jumped. Every touch threatened to make you come apart right then and there and it was quickly becoming too much.
“Is- Is this about what I said a few weeks ago?” you pushed for an answer. 
Pausing in his thorough exploration of your flesh, he let out a little breath before humming back, “Mmhmm. Imagine my surprise when I heard you defending me, Schätzchen, heard you tell your little friends so certainly that you were not scared of me; that you even liked me.”
Your nails instinctively dug into his bare arms as you fought for your sanity, his teeth scraping your neck and raveling away what little sensibilities you had left. 
“At first, I doubted what I heard,” he spoke as his hands took hold of your hips and squeezed softly, “You are so soft and sweet. Untouchable to someone like me. I’ve spent the last few weeks debating, agonizing over if you might feel what I felt. Tonight though, with the way you looked at me? I could finally see it.” 
When he pulled back, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze again but he was quick to correct that with a little nudge. 
“Still so shy.”
Your thoughts were running a thousand miles an hour; fear, lust, and disbelief were shouting at you in so many different ways that you thought you would pass out from overstimulation alone. While you’d thought about this happening almost every night since you’d first talked with him, you’d always assumed he would be a fantasy only. You never imagined the quiet, steadfast, colonel would ever have a mutual interest in you. Part of you wanted to drop to your knees and thank him for even touching you, while the other waited with panic-laced worries for him to announce that it was some kind of prank. 
When his calloused fingers trailed up your face and into your hair to scrape your scalp, it was like he flipped a magical switch. Gone were the panicked thoughts, the uncertainties, and the insecurities. All that existed were the beautiful sensations he created. 
“Does that feel good?” he asked. 
You nodded dumbly and let your eyes flutter back open as you heard him laugh, flushing with desire as you were once more pinned with those gorgeous eyes of his. 
“This isn’t some kind of joke, is it?” you finally questioned, managing to get somewhat of a grip on your psyche, “Because if it is, I’ll-” 
A sharp sting through your scalp cut you off as he tightened his fingers in your hair, following your silence with disappointed tongue clicks. 
“Do I really seem like the kind of man who would joke about something like this?” 
You shook your head slowly, muttering a defeated little “No sir” in response. Your efforts were rewarded with the release of your hair, hand tenderly cupping the nape of your neck instead. 
“I need to hear you say you want this before it goes any further,” he instructed you, firmly but gently.    
As your lips parted, you hesitated. Of course, you wanted this, but here? Now? Your eyes darted nervously to the cracked door before catching his once more. 
“I- I do but… König, anyone could come in and, god, you’re hurt and-”
You watched in awe, voice trailing off into silence, as he leaned in and pulled up his sniper hood, revealing a black gaiter which he promptly tugged down. The peek of a strong, square, jawline peppered with a short stubble made your eyes open wide in shock but your attention was quickly captured by his full lips, curled up into a smirk with a peek of sharp canines flashing through. Fuck, if only part of him was this gorgeous, you were afraid to see him completely bare. 
“As I have said, it’s not serious, and you’ve so graciously patched me up,” he purred softly, eyes boring holes into your sole as his lips almost touched yours, “Now, tell me kleines, do- you- want- this?”
“Yes, god, ple-”
Fingers dug hard into your soft sides as he finally captured your mouth in a gentle kiss and you instinctively stretched up to meet him, hands sliding up to wrap around the back of his neck in an attempt to convey just how badly you wanted him. Words weren’t your forte but actions… actions you could manage. 
A quiet groan escaped your lips as you felt his hips press against yours and hands came down to grab your ass. Your shock quickly turned into concern when you felt him start to lift you. 
“König, no!” you scolded him as you wiggled out of his grasp. 
The colonel had the gall to look confused by your rejection. 
You gestured to his freshly sewn stitches and bit out, “I don’t care how much you say it’s fine. I refuse to be the reason you pop your stitches and I’d rather not have to put a needle in your again. Just…” 
Your stern words trailed off as you saw the mild pink tinge across his upper cheeks. He was too adorable. Huffing out a low sigh, you rested your hands against his firm pecs and gently pushed him back toward the bed. 
“Lay down, I’m shutting the door real quick.”
Thankfully, he didn’t bother arguing, just turned with an annoyed grunt as you shut and locked the door. The annoyance in his eyes dropped the instant you carefully climbed up onto the bed with him, letting him guide you to sit over his thighs comfortably. 
“If we’re doing this, we’re doing it in a way that you won’t get hurt,” you warned him. 
“Verdammte Hölle,” he scoffed lowly, fingers digging into the plush softness of your thighs, “Fine, if you insist, just get over here.” 
A gasp passed from your lips into his when he dragged you in closer and you felt the bulge of his cock already growing through his cargos. And what a fucking power rush that was, to know you were affecting one of the strongest men in existence. You! A short, chubby, nobody-famous nurse and this god-like man wanted you. 
“Fuck,” you breathed out quietly, hands coming to rest on his chest as he guided your hips down against his, “König, I said-”
“You may be on top of me, but you are in no way in control, understood, Kätzchen?” he bit out huskily. 
Your heart stammered in your chest but you managed a little nod in response. Apparently subdued by your acceptance, his hands spurred you into motion once more, tearing a broken moan from your chest as his hardness pressed deliciously against the apex of your thighs. Even though clothing, he was working you up entirely too easily.  
He attacked your neck once more and growled out a terse, “Scheiße, I always knew you’d sound fucking beautiful like this. Mein kleines engel, so verdammt unschuldig und süß.” (My little angel, so fucking innocent and sweet)
While you had no idea what he said, it was clearly something sexual and you couldn’t help the way you shuddered. It was kind of funny. When you first met him, you’d been shocked by the pitch of his voice, having expected such a giant being to have a deep voice; and now… now you wouldn’t have it any other way. 
“Oh? Magst du es, wenn ich mit dir Deutsch spreche, mein dummes kleines Kätzchen?” (“Do you like when I speak German to you, my silly little kitten?”)
Instinctively, you ground down in search of relief as his voice filled your head and took over your thoughts. 
He chuckled softly and murmured, “You do like it. I can feel the way your sweet little cunt throbs against me each time. Do you always react this way when I speak German around you?” 
Your body froze at that, face heating and flushing down your chest as you finally understood what he was saying. No fucking way.
“You- You can feel it?” you asked meekly, hoping he’d say no. 
“Mmhmm, Deine kleinen Zuckungen sind so süß- Ah, there is it again,” he teased, “So, kleines? Is it like that every time?” (Your little twitches are so cute)
With a frustrated groan, you quietly admitted it before ducking down to bite onto his shoulder. You felt a thrill of satisfaction when you felt his cock jump between your thighs but didn’t even stop to gloat, too enthralled by the taste of his skin. You didn’t dare leave marks, unsure of the protocol for his position, but gods you wanted to. Maybe another time, if you were given the chance. Scraping your teeth across his flesh, you scooted back to sit farther down his thighs and began to make your way down his collarbone and chest until you were able to gently bite the meatiest part of his pec. 
“Ah, Scheiße!”
Before he could react further, you continued on and swiped your tongue across his nipple, earning a guttural moan and his fingers curled into the hair at the back of your head. For a moment, you questioned if he intended to stop you but, when he didn’t, you did it again. The little muffled curses he let out only worsened the mess in your panties and you had to restrain yourself from reaching down to ease the ache. It wasn’t until you were kneeling between his thighs and working at his belt that he finally stopped you.
“Kätzchen, just what do you intend to do?” he asked as you nibbled softly at the skin above his pants. 
You let out a huff and rolled your eyes up at him. 
“I intend to suck your cock, if that’s okay, colonel,” you shot back. 
He mumbled something quietly under his breath then added louder, “While I would love that, I don’t know how much time we have.” 
As you finally worked his belt open and began tugging his pants down, you couldn’t help but pout. 
“That’s not fair. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” you whined. 
The way his eyes rolled back and his hips arched made you grin. 
“And I would love to see those beautiful lips wrapped around my dick, but another time, kleines. Right now, I need to be inside of you.”
Your cunt clenched instinctively at that, at the promise of another chance to touch him, and you finally relented with a sigh. 
“Fine, fine, but you owe me later,” you replied, letting him pull you back over his lap. 
With a chuckle, he pulled you into a kiss and mumbled, “Of course, Schätzchen. Anything you wish, whenever you wish- except for right now.”
A flush crossed your face, deep and hot, as his words settled into your chest. When he began tugging at your jeans, you helped slide them and your panties down until they were hooked around just one leg. You weren’t given much time to ruminate on the feeling of your bare flesh against the scratchy fabric of his pants before the sensation of calloused fingers sliding down your slit stole both your attention and breath. 
“Ooh, look at you,” he crooned lowly, fingertips pushing between your lips and sliding back up until he found your clit, “So wet for me already.” 
Worrying your lower lip, your forehead rested against his cheek and your nails dug into his shoulders as you nodded slowly. Of course, you were. Who wouldn’t be when Adonis was touching them? He moved slowly, gently, almost as if afraid to go faster. It felt good but it wasn’t enough. 
“Ich wünschte, ich könnte jetzt meine Zunge in dieser heißen kleinen Muschi haben. Ich wette, du schmeckst himmlisch.” (I wish I could have my tongue in this hot little pussy right now. I bet you taste like heaven.)
“Ffff-Fuck!”
A broken whine escaped your lips when he finally slipped a lone finger into your core and it took everything within you not to collapse at that moment. One of his felt like two of yours but reached even deeper. You couldn’t resist rocking into his motions as he carefully worked you open. 
You didn’t even get a chance to cover your mouth before he suddenly forced in a second one and curled them against your g-spot, a moan spilling from the big man beneath you as you mewled.  
“More,” he demanded as his other hand tugged up his hood once more and smashed his mouth against yours, “Again.” 
You didn’t stand a chance in hell at ignoring his commands with the way he began hooking his fingers in a constant come hither motion against your spongy patch of nerves. Tears burned in your eyes as you fought for breath against the onslaught of sensations plaguing your body. It’d been so long since you’d let anyone else touch you, relying on your own hand and toys for release, and fuck if it wasn’t overwhelming. 
“König, ple-please!” you begged weakly, unable to keep from trembling against him as he brought you dangerously close to the edge. 
For all his talk about not having time, he was surely taking his. His fingers felt incredible but you needed to feel his cock. 
“Yes, Kätzchen?”
“Want you. Need you, please!”
His low moan was the only answer you needed, shaky hands diving down to work the waistband of his pants lower and tug at his boxer-briefs. You couldn’t even keep your eyes open to focus, too lost in the delirium of your approaching climax and the pleasure dancing along your skin. 
When you finally pulled him free, you instantly shoved his hand away and shuffled up until his tip was kissing your entrance, but he halted your motions before you could do more. 
“Don’t go too fast, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt,” he instructed you gently. 
You barely managed to open your eyes enough to meet his and nodded hastily. Go slow. You could do that. And yet, when he finally allowed you to move, you were tempted to just slam down, no matter how massive he felt. However, your self-control prevailed, only held back by the reminder that he’d probably stop you if you got hurt. 
It wasn’t until you started to lower yourself and you felt the fat head of his cock begin to split you open that you really understood why he’d been warning you, prickles of pain and pleasure dancing behind your clenched eyes as you sucked in a harsh breath. It didn’t matter that you were soaking wet and more than ready, your body was fighting to take each inch. 
“That’s it, gutes Kätzchen, just like that,” he praised softly. (Good Kitten)
Finally, after what felt like forever, your hips settled down against his and you let out a little mewl of satisfaction. 
“Jesus fuck,” you breathed out huskily, “This feels- Fuck, I can’t even describe it.”
“I know.” 
His voice sounded as tightly wound as you felt. Every muscle in your body ached but none more than the throb of your core. 
“Can- Can I move?” you asked. 
“If you’re ready.”
Steading yourself with his broad shoulders, you lifted up and slowly dropped back down, nails digging into his skin as he touched every last inch inside of you. When your eyes fluttered open, your cheeks bloomed a deep red as you found him already staring at you with awe in his gaze. It would have been anxiety-inducing if it weren’t for the bruises his fingers were leaving on your hips and the quiet little grunts falling under his hood. Knowing he was watching you though, it was daunting and lit a flicker of doubt in your chest, demanding you do everything to make sure you looked and felt your best for him. 
“Ah, wait, here,” he gasped suddenly, halting your motions as he tugged up your T-shirt.
You almost stopped him, wary of fully exposing any parts of you that you felt uncomfortable about, but he was too quick. He tucked the hem into the neckline of your shirt and instantly tugged down the cup of your bra, one hand wrapping around and lifting your breast while the other hand palmed your back and jerked you forward until he could wrap his lips around your nipple with a heady groan. 
“Fuck, König!” you whimpered, shocks of bliss making you pulse around his cock.
His moan was loud against your flesh as his hand left your back and guided your hips into motion once more, the dual stimulation enough to make you shudder. Bit by bit, you were able to work up to a faster pace, until pleasure started to take hold of your mind and you lost all sense of rhythm, more focused on coming than putting on a good show. 
“Ohgodohgod ohmygod!” 
A heavy growl vibrated against your skin as he grunted out between kisses, “Oh Gott, das ist es Kätzchen, kommst du mich holen?” (Oh god, that’s it kitten, are you going to come for me?)
You buried your frantic cries into your palm as you felt tears begin to fall. It was too good, too much, and you fucking loved it. The burn of his cock stretching your walls brought you so close to the edge that it hurt, each thrust making your clit throb with need. You managed a panicked, muffled, plea and were rewarded with teeth sinking into your flesh and a calloused thumb on your sensitive nub, tearing a hellish screech from your lips as you were instantly pushed over the edge. Your hand barely contained the frantic moans pouring from your throat as he pushed you through the crest. Every swipe of his thumb and thrust of his cock brought on another wave of pleasure, again and again until you lost the ability to do more than exist. 
With an audible pop, he pulled back from your abused skin and relaxed back against the bed, moans starting to rival yours in volume as his hands took hold of your hips and his knees bent under you. When he started thrusting up to meet each bounce of your hips, the fog finally took over completely. Leaning back enough to wrap your hands around his forearms, you gave over that last bit of control and just followed his lead. The sound of your ass meeting his thighs became louder, faster, in the quiet room; a lewd soundtrack coupled with the squeaks of the medical bed and your unstifled noises of pleasure.
“Mein gott. Look at that face. Not a single thought going through that sweet little head of yours, is there?” he groaned, chuckling when you suddenly leaned forward and buried your face in his neck with a meek hum, “No, no, don’t be embarrassed, kleines. It’s a compliment to have such an intelligent woman so brainless from my cock.”
You instinctively clenched around him and nuzzled further into his neck out of mortification. God, that shouldn’t be hot! You shouldn’t like that and yet you do. How did he manage to weave together such sexual praises into something that sounded like genuinely sweet compliments? 
“Sit back up, now,” he commanded sternly, “I want to see that beautiful face when I come.”
The change in position instantly put your senses back on edge, the press of his cock against your sweet spot all too tantalizingly perfect as he muttered gentle praises and led you back into rhythm, words slowly dissolving into the most unholy whimpers and grunts you’d ever heard. It wasn’t long until you couldn’t make out a single thing he said, English long evolved into German between frantic moans of your name. 
Suddenly his grip became overwhelmingly painful and you let out a squeal of panic, but the pressure was easily forgotten in favor of bliss as he began to thrust into you violently. It was almost as if he were trying to fuck himself into your cervix, a scary thought knowing he had the length to do so, but every attempt you made to lift off of him and create space was thwarted by his superior strength. And gods, if that didn’t do the dirtiest things to you. Even when he released one hip, he was powerful enough to keep you in place with just one hand, the other suddenly reappearing between your thighs. 
“Oh- Oh god, yes, König, just-” 
All it took was a few circles around your sensitive clit before you were thrown over the edge once more with a scream. Wave after wave rocked through your body as you rode him hard, thighs shaking and heart pounding as you scratched at him and cried his name all too loudly.  
“Oh Scheiße, ich werde kommen, bitte, nicht aufhören, nicht aufhören, bitte, bitte, bitte!” (Oh shit, I'm gonna come, please, don't stop, don't stop, please please please!)
Even in German, his message was clear. Fighting through your own hazy pleasure, you tightened your thighs and clenched around his cock eagerly, whimpering his name and pleading with him to come. You weren’t given any warning as he suddenly grabbed your neck and jerked you down into a ravenous kiss, a mixture of high-pitched keening and growling moans pouring into your mouth like oxygen when he buried himself one last time to the hilt. 
Tremors ran through your being as you felt his cock twitching, heat filling you with each pulse, and you couldn’t help the tears suddenly building in your eyes again. 
“Holy fuck,” you whined against his lips. 
When you clenched around him again and tried to move your hips, he put a stop to it immediately, arms wrapping around you and trapping your body to his. 
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed darkly, “You start that andI won’t want to stop, and we definitely don’t have time for that.”  
A little grin crossed your lips as you melted into his hold and murmured, “Aye, aye, colonel.” 
His little snort of a laugh jostled you against his frame only for him to still and hold you tighter. You turned to rest your ear against his chest and listened to the steady heavy beat of his heart while your fingers trailed up and down his arms. 
“That was okay, right?” he asked after a moment, the uncertainty surprising. 
It took some effort to get him to let you go but you managed to finally sit up, hands slowly pushing up the edges of his mask to just until his lips were visible again, and you kissed him softly. 
“Better than I’ve imagined,” you whispered softly. 
He tensed for a moment before a little huff of a laugh puffed across your lips. 
“You’ve imagined this?” he asked back. 
Chewing your lower lip as you lifted again, you gave a shrug and replied, “Yeah, a lot, if I’m being honest. As you heard, you’re an intimidating man, colonel, but really, it only adds to your appeal.” 
It felt weird to be so openly blunt about your attraction to him but you supposed you were past the point of second-guessing things. His eyes searched your face intently for just a moment before he smiled, a warm, heart-pounding expression that made your knees weak. Fuck, maybe he hid his face for that reason. It wouldn’t do to have everyone tripping over themselves at his beauty. 
“I’m glad to hear that,” he murmured softly, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, “As much as I want to hold you longer, I’m afraid we should get decent before someone comes along and-”
“Fuck, yeah, you’re right!” you gasped, eyes darting to the door instinctively as you clambered off the bed. 
The moment you released your hold on him, your knees tried to give out but he was quick to give you a balancing hand. You thanked him quietly as you fixed yourself quickly- Well, as quickly as you could when your legs felt like jelly and your head was still spinning. When you were finally all dressed, he was carefully sliding his shirt back on. 
“Wait, let me make sure we didn’t tear anything loose.”
He gave you a look that told you how ridiculous he thought you were being, but he humored you with a sigh after a moment. Leaning in, you looked over the stitches and were happy to find everything still intact. 
“Good to go! Thank goodness,” you sighed happily, then flushed as you looked up at him, “Uh, you’ll have to come back in seven to ten days to get the stitches removed, which I’m sure you know. Other than that, just take it easy. Any damage you do will only prolong how long you’ll have to be on light duty.” 
“I see, and if I need assistance with any in the meantime? I can come to you?” he teased, eyes crinkling warmly at the edges.
Unable to hold in your grin, you replied, “Always. I’d be glad to help with anything you need, colonel. Just come find me.”
You tossed him a coy smile before making your way to the door, only to get spun and pushed up against the wood without warning. One big hand cupped your neck and forced your head up as he leaned in and kissed you, soft and light in a way that made your toes curl. 
“Sorry, needed one more,” he purred softly, chuckling as your face went hot. 
“Get out of here before I make up a reason to keep you here overnight,” you bit out teasingly. 
He gave you a mock salute before releasing you and allowing you to open the door. His gaze became soft once more when he studied you as you leaned against the door frame. 
“I’ll see you again soon. Have sweet dreams, Kätzchen.” 
“You too, König.”
When he finally walked away down the hall, you couldn’t help but watch him go. God, that man had the most perfect ass, and don’t even get started on that broad back. Biting back the flare of lust threatening to rekindle in your stomach, you ducked back into the office and ran a hand through your now-tangled locks, letting out a low sigh. The clock on the wall read two thirty in the morning, which meant you thirty minutes to get König’s chart typed up and then you could finally head home for the night. Thoughts of a hot shower and your soft bed had you groaning. Yeah, you were definitely going to sleep good tonight. 
“Sooo, how was your weekend?” Lisa asked, eyebrows jumping up and down in anticipation as you slid into the seat opposite her and Mark. 
You simply threw her a nonplussed look, not daring to give her any inclination. Lisa was good about keeping your feelings secret but you weren’t sure she could contain herself in public if you told her about what had happened with König, not to mention you didn’t want to chance him getting some sort of backlash if the fraternization rules applied to you. You’d have to do some research on that later if you two were going to meet up again at some point. Logically, seeing as you were contracted as a nurse and not as a solider, you hoped that you were outside of those rules but you weren’t certain.  
“It was fine. Nothing too crazy,” you lied seamlessly. 
She seemed to deflate at that. 
“Really? When I saw the colonel was back I had hoped…”
“Well, you hoped wrong,” you replied blandly, “I saw him but nothing happened. It’s fine, really. Probably for the best to maintain that professional boundary.” 
A body collapsing onto the bench beside you made you jump and nearly spill your food until you caught it at the last second, your heart racing from the shock until you saw it was one of Mark’s buddies at your side. 
“Hey, Ian,” Mark greeted, “What’s up?”
He was obviously as confused about his friend’s appearance as you were, but your confusion didn’t last long when he suddenly turned to face you. 
“So, I heard from a little birdie that you were single right now. Is that true?” Ian pressed, lips quirking up into a grin.
You shot a deadly look at Mark, earning a silent apology as his face heated, before you addressed the private next to you.
“I am but-”
“Great! You should come out with me Friday night! I have a weekend pass and I need a pretty lady to take with me to the city!” 
Well, shit. You knew nothing about Ian. You hoped he was a decent guy and wouldn’t be upset over you rejecting him since he was Mark’s friend but men were tricky. How were you supposed to turn him down without hurting or angering him? As your lips parted to answer, a massive hand suddenly slid around your throat and silenced you. Eyes wide in fear, you let out a shocked whimper and froze in place, only to catch the familiar scent of a warm cologne as a hard body pressed against your back. 
“There you are, liebling, I’ve been searching all over for you.”
König. Oh. Fuck. Tilting your head back at his insistence, you let your eyes meet his icy blues, obviously crinkled in joy. When his fingers tightened around your throat, you couldn’t help the way your face flushed in delight, your entire body warming with insatiable need as he descended and planted a loud smacking kiss on your forehead.
“Come now, I’ve brought lunch for us.” 
The entire table was silent during the exchange and you could practically feel Lisa vibrating in her seat, but you didn’t dare look away from him to address her. Nodding once, you rose to your feet where he finally released your throat. He interlaced his fingers with yours and you instinctively scooted closer, enjoying the body heat and comfort he put off.
“I’ll uh- I’ll see you guys later,” you threw back as he led you out of the canteen. 
The walk was quiet as he dragged you through the halls until he finally stopped at his office. With a little murmur, König opened the door and ushered you in first. The moment the door slammed shut, you were unceremoniously shoved against it, a little oomph escaping your lips at the impact. A weak moan left your lips as you felt his breath against your ear.
“Ungezogenes kleines Kätzchen,” he purred huskily “From now on, you will let it be known that you’re with me, got it?” (Naughty little kitten)
You hesitated before nodding and replied, “Y-Yes sir. I wasn't sure- I didn’t know what-” 
“Shh, shh, I know, schatz. It is not your fault. I didn’t make my intentions quite clear. You belong to me now.”
A shudder ran down your spine, forcing a moan low in your throat as you practically preened under his possessive claim. Despite the threatening tone, you felt no fear. If anything, it turned you on more than ever. 
“Yes, sir.”
“Good girl. Now get on my desk,” he instructed. 
Your confused glance was met with a smirk and a wink as he pulled away. 
“I prefer to have my dessert first, Kätzchen. We can eat lunch after.” 
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months ago
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AITA for visiting a restaurant after it changed ownership?
I (young adult, genders irrelevant for everyone in this story) have been living in the same neighborhood for most of my life, and I usually cook my own dinner. However, because my dad left the family when I was young, and my mom made me move out as soon as I was an adult, I wasn't completely prepared to live on my own, so I don't have a consistent source of income. I've had to move between apartments in the same neighborhood a lot, and sometimes when I'm in the process of moving it's really hard to cook my own dinner. The neighborhood is pretty isolated, so there aren't really many other places to get food, so I've mostly been hungry during those moving periods.
However, a few months ago, my friend R told me L, one of our neighbors I hadn't talked to before, was starting a restaurant business. She'd apparently started out by making food for her two children, S and O, who I'd seen around the neighborhood a few times and was vaguely familiar with, but realized her food was good and opened it up to the rest of the neighborhood for a low price. Of course, I was super excited to get to try someone else's cooking for the first time since I'd moved out, so R and I started visiting L's restaurant every now and then when I was moving or otherwise unable to cook. It's her secondary job, so she wasn't always there, but S and O also worked there and were friendly to us.
I thought it was a good arrangement... until I visited one day recently to find the door closed at a time when it's usually open. I would have just gone home, but it had been really rainy lately, I was under a lot of stress, and I didn't feel up to getting food for myself in those conditions, so I stood around for a few minutes, waiting to see if S or O would come out and explain. Instead, some people I've never seen before came into the lobby of the restaurant and just stared at me from inside. Instead of explaining anything to me or letting me in, they just laughed at me and took pictures of me? I was already really upset and that just made it unbearable to be around other people, so I left. I went back a few days later to double check if it was open, because I was still hungry, but the new people were still there, and I left even more quickly this time. I'm not proud of that- maybe I could have talked to the new people if I'd stayed longer instead of embarrassing myself, but I also feel like they were being really rude.
I asked R about it later to see if they'd talked to S or O lately or knew anything about what I assumed was change in ownership, but R didn't help at all. They told me that they hadn't seen S or O, but I shouldn't have expected the restaurant to stay open forever and that it was stupid of me to go back on the second day. I guess I can see how I might have been an asshole to go back, but I don't know what R meant about the restaurant. Is it because it's not L's main job? Were we the only customers and not giving her enough income to continue it for anyone but her kids? Or was the restaurant like... a front for money laundering or something? I really don't know. I'm hurt, hungry, and so confused. Was I in the wrong for bothering the new humans? Am I the asshole?
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What are these acronyms?
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markrosewater · 3 days ago
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Hi Mark,
My name is Isaac Holguin. I sent a detailed email regarding your work on the color pie over the years to [email protected]. I hope that is the correct avenue to reach out to you. I had the pleasure of being answered on this blog as well, so I thought I'd double check by contacting you here. In case the email listed isn't in service anymore, I've copied my message below. I hope this reaches you and that you're doing well. If you're able, I'd love to hear back at [email protected]. Thanks for all you do!
----------
Hello Mr. Rosewater,
My name is Isaac Holguin and I'm a nurse studying leadership and education in Tucson, Arizona. Before I get into the topic of my email, I'd just like to say thank you for being a spokesperson for Magic the Gathering all these years! I've played the game since I was thirteen years old, all through college, and well into my career. Magic the Gathering has helped me make new friends and deepen bonds with people I already had in my life. Though I've stopped participating in recent years, the game will always hold a special place in my heart and I've still got an Alpha Serra Angel that is as old as I am!
One of the best memories I have from my time with Magic was diving into the color wheel breakdown series from your "Drive to Work" podcast. During my pursuit of a Bachelors in Nursing Science, I often cited the color wheel as a tool to determine personality traits and compared it to other topics in my studies. Now that I'm pursuing my Master's degree in Nursing Education, I'm interested to see if there were any references or inspirations for the development of the color pie. With the recent popularity of the Myers-Briggs assessment (16 Personalities), Ten Faces of Innovation, and other similar tools I'd like to try and adapt the color pie as a leadership/personality assessment. I understand there will be multiple steps involved to publish such a study with respect to Hasbro and Magic the Gathering as a company, but I would like to attempt to lay the foundation of this project during my studies.
The goal of this project would be to introduce an existing, incredible, fun, and easy to use tool to a vast new audience. Helping others acknowledge that all aspects of the personalities presented exist within them to some degree and can evolve over time has become a core belief for me both personally and professionally. Examples of "your greatest weakness is your greatest strength pushed too far" and the idea that the capacity for good and evil exists in any aspect of a personality are incredible insights that I haven't seen cited enough throughout my studies. My wildest hope is that this tool would be utilized in coursework for multiple professions, similar to the curriculum I'm studying now, to help future leaders reflect on their strengths and develop effective leadership styles.
In short, I hope that you're doing well and would love to hear your insights, recommendations, and references for the work you've so passionately brought to thousands of others of the years. Even if you're unable to share certain aspects of your work, I'd like you to know that your endeavors have not only brought relief and happiness to healthcare workers like me, but that you've inspired so many others to apply the lessons of fictional works to improve our reality. The lessons gained from my long history with this franchise have helped me connect to others in their most vulnerable moments, and improve their quality of life. Thank you for all that you've done, and I wish you continued success in a field you've already become an exemplary expert in.
Sincerely,
Isaac Holguin
BSN, RN
I’m always excited to hear about ways people can use the color pie outside the context of the game. I’m not sure what I can do to help you.
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lord-paul20 · 8 months ago
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I've recently gotten into avatar: the last Airbender and I have so many thoughts about the Yue/moon spirit episode that i haven't seen talked about as much as I think should be.
People tend to focus on the Yue - sokka dynamics and that's heart wrenching but what about the moon and sun spirits?
They have been together since the beginning, before time existed they were together. They came to the mortal world together. They are push and pull made for eachother to balance one and other.
Can you imagine being with someone that long just to have them ripped away? Replaced with such a small piece of themselves in the form of someone you do not recognize. Being so old ,seeing so much with one person, just to have them replaced with someone so much younger. Someome unable to understand how much you went through together.
Just can't stop thinking about the sun and the moon.
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sawyerconfort · 1 year ago
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dancing with the devil | verna x reader
I'm back!!!
this one is just a spooky season special, as I've been away for all these days and haven't done one yet, I thought it would be cool to do it now!
this oneshot comes a lot from my obsession with Mike Flanagan's work, which even led me to watch The Fall of the House of Usher recently.
and, of course, it also comes from my obsession with Carla Gugino.
so, I hope you like it!
late requests coming out soon, so stay tuned!
enjoy!
requests open, but please be patient with me.
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PROMPT: It's New Year's Eve, and you find yourself in a bar, completely alone, with no one to give you the good luck's kiss. But a mysterious new barista catches your eye, and she could be your salvation, if only she didn't hide so many secrets.
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You weren't one to complain, but it had been a pretty horrible year.
People generally await the New Year with a lot of ambition, full of resolutions, glamorous plans and self-centered achievements. But you do not.
You just wanted the next one to be better.
As if the miserable conditions you were experiencing at Fortunato were not enough, not being paid enough for the effort you made, sitting at the reception desk at the behest of the great Rufus Griswold - who did nothing except try to harass you in every way -, in a routine exhausting where you could never sleep properly, you still had your parents, and the terrible relationship you had with them.
So, when you sat at that bar, at the lonely counter, all you thought about was stuffing yourself until you pass out, hoping for a counting miracle. Some people were getting along well when you arrived, and others were giving you side-eye, but with the thought that you were less attractive to them, you decided that the counter would be the best option.
Suddenly, those eyes that looked yellow from afar fell on you, and the figure that carried them turned around, with a subtle smile.
"I see someone needs a drink, hm?"
You looked at her, and shrugged, before answering. "Just today. I can't drink, I still have work tomorrow."
She continued to smile, and you had the slight impression that her eyes had returned to their normal color. Clear, deep and very eye-catching. But it could just be the impression, because you were too exhausted to make sense.
"Ah, I understand. Just a minute, I'll prepare something relaxing for you, miss…"
"(Y\N)."
She nodded, turning away and concentrating on preparing whatever the drink was. Like I said before, you were too tired to care about what drink you were going to drink. If you could just get to New Year with something in your throat, that would be a good idea.
After minutes that felt like seconds of waiting, the barista turned to you, two shiny glass cups in her hands. She was still smiling subtly as she slid your glass and turned hers in her other hand.
She served you with the same smile, and then looked at you. "It's funny, I can see there's something wrong with you... Something that's stopping you from celebrating tonight."
You looked back at her, frowning, and sighing afterwards.
"It's true, it was... It wasn't a very good year", you commented, feeling terrible for venting to a stranger. "But the year ahead will be better, I know that."
"And why is that? Why was it so bad?"
"My boss, my work... everything makes me exhausted... and not having anyone to talk to is really bad at these moments...", You took a sip. "Um, that's great, is it Merlot?"
"It's Merlot, but it's not one of the best...", the barista said, tapping her glass still. "I've seen and experienced better, around the world."
"Have you been around the world?", you asked, unable to resist your curiosity. She smiled and nodded. "Where did you go? On that expedition?"
"I've been there too, but not just on this occasion", she said, and suddenly stopped, as if she were saying too much. "You know, it's interesting, being on the other side. Sometimes it's tiring, it breaks my heart, but... It's good, there are things there that are worth the effort."
You were more intrigued. She didn't look like the type of person who would travel around the world, wearing black clothes and a gothic look, as if she wanted to hide on purpose. Generally, these trips are made for people who want to be seen, above all else in the world.
"What are you talking about, exactly?"
"Have you ever had a dream... a desire... a deep, hidden desire that no one has ever fulfilled, and that you yourself didn't imagine you could achieve?", she looked at you with the same curiosity as you. "I'm like... A dream maker. I go on these trips just for that..."
You frowned, still not understanding, but took another sip to hide it, nodding.
"Are you the personification of the genie in the lamp?"
She laughed. "Ah, I would like to, but no. It would be a lot of ego on my part, but I would say that I'm better than him", she laughed. "Verna is my name, but the name never makes that much of a difference to me."
“Different name, never heard it before,” you said, drinking again. "Are you from here?"
"I'm from nowhere. I'm everywhere, at all times... it's strange, I know, but it makes sense to me."
You nodded, finding it strange. And then, he found it even stranger when she helped herself to the Merlot on the counter and drank some. She smiled at you, still tapping the glass.
"But what about you, (Y/N)? Do you have any desires that you thought would be unrealizable, unattainable? Please be honest with me."
You opened your mouth, and then thought a little. "No. I think I'm happy this way. Except for a few little things that I would change here and there..."
She softened her gaze and took a sip, her clear eyes suddenly yellowed again and wide, fixed on you. "What kind?"
“Like, my boss giving me the justice I deserve, and stop hitting on me,” you laughed, drinking the last sip and pouring yourself again. "Not much."
"Your boss is too terrible for you, (Y/N)," Verna replied, smiling. "Don't ask me how I know this, but I do. One day someone will show him what's really good, don't worry."
You frowned. "You seem so sure, are you some kind of psychic?"
She laughed. "No. I would like to be, but no. I... I see people's possibilities. And that's it. I help them based on the possibilities."
She stared at you again, and looked away at the TV, where the ball was falling on the screen in Times Square.
"Oh, it looks like it's almost time," she whispered, laughing. "Your year is going to be great, (Y/N), I'll make sure of that."
“You…” you started, but she shushed you, smiling.
"You just have to make a deal with me."
"What kind of deal?"
Verna thought for a while, and then smiled. "Wow, you seem so sure..."
She was mocking you, of course, you realized right away, and with a muffled laugh, you glanced back at the TV, hearing people echoing a countdown. The ball finally reached its destination, and you turned around, seeing Verna's yellow eyes glued to yours again. She suddenly leaned over and stole a peck from you, taking a little too long to pull away.
“Was that your deal?”, you whispered, smiling mischievously. Verna took a moment to open her eyes and then tilted her head, as if agreeing.
She thought for a while and then finally said, her voice low, slowly close to your ear, as if she wanted to seduce or bewitch you. She had one of the softest voices you'd ever heard, and apparently she knew how to use it.
"Actually, it was a plan to find out if you were trustworthy, if you were innocent enough to accept my deal…", she whispered. "And because I know, deep down, that what you wanted most was to be kissed on New Year's Eve, my sweet client."
You trailed off, looking at her, getting lost in the soft expression on her pale face. Suddenly, an impulsive idea occurred to you, and you leaned in again, kissing her, this time with more intensity. When you touched her hair, behind the back of her head, you had the impression that it melted at the touch, as if Verna were just an illusion, as if she were the literal cosmic dust from which human beings possibly emerged.
However, the kiss didn't last long. She pushed you away with her feather-light hands, and to the naked eye, it looked like it was just a breeze of wind stopping you both. She touched your face, running her fingers lightly across your cheek as she whispered:
"We can't do that right now, (Y\N). I'm afraid you're not sober enough, and it wouldn't be wise for me to take advantage of this."
You looked at it for a moment and realized it made sense. But she had kissed you first, so it was clearly just an excuse, as always happened. You started to wonder if your kiss was that bad.
"But, Verna…"
"Please, darling. I'm trying to be reasonable. Like I said, I work with possibilities, and the possibility of us working out is less than zero. Don't get me wrong, it's just in case…", she hesitated. "Condemning pure-souled humans to my cruel and inevitable fate wouldn't be extremely political of me."
You sighed, and gave her the space she needed, even though you couldn't take your eyes off her. Verna was the same, and you could feel that, despite what it seemed like, that moment you shared wasn't just fun, much less just a New Year's kiss.
Verna poured you the rest of the Merlot and, with the same soft expression, touched your face again. This time, her voice was clear, and in a moment of vulnerability, she made it more than explicit that she wasn't lying when she said:
"But we'll still meet, (Y\N)," she whispered, her fingers again like soft feathers touching his skin. "Our deal may not have been sealed, but you've proven enough innocence and courage to convince me that you're capable of this. You'll have a great new job, I promise, and your boss will never bother you again."
She nodded, and you allowed yourself to nod too, so confused that you definitely didn't know what to believe anymore. There was a little devil on your shoulder urging you to try again, and there was another devil, right in front of you, who would be harder to convince than you expected.
"And of course, you will have my full protection," Verna whispered, smiling. "I'm not going to promise you eternal life, because that would be impossible even for someone like me. But I promise, and I need you to believe me on this one, I promise that I will move mountains so no one will hurt you again."
You smiled, and drank the last sip. Suddenly, another impulse. This time, a question, instead of an action.
"What are you? An angel? A genie without a lamp? A tempting devil who seeks souls and deals?"
Verna smiled, and simply looked away at her glass again, magically empty. "I already told you. I'm nothing, I don't have a life. I'm just what your mind wants me to be."
You were confused, but suddenly, a memory hit you hard. When you looked at Verna, it was as if she already knew.
"I really need to go. My mom will be furious if I get home late, even on New Year's..."
She nodded. "Please don't take any chances. This part, I won't be able to protect you."
You laughed, stood up and slid out the only dollar bill you had. Verna looked at the ballot, he turned it around and handed it back to you, denying it.
"No need. The bill is already paid."
"What?"
"Please don't insist. I insist."
You looked at her, shrugged, and frowned, suddenly realizing that maybe it was for the best. She kept watching you, until you left, and as soon as you turned outside, on the street, you noticed who had just walked through a solid wall.
The bar was gone.
And she was gone too.
Even more confused - and blaming the drink -, you put your hands in your pockets to protect yourself, and walked back home, into the daylight. As soon as you crossed the street, however, another very curious thing caught your attention.
There was a raven, standing still, resting on a post. It was just any raven, but it was a raven, and it looked down at you. Suddenly, you had the impression that he had winked at you.
"What nonsense. Ravens don't blink," you whispered to yourself, looking at the raven again. He remained there, standing still, as if he hadn't even noticed you. Deciding to ignore that crazy night, you turned around.
As you disappeared down the street, you whispered to yourself once again.
"Ravens don't blink."
Oh, but if you only knew that they do more than blink... If you only knew...
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bugboy-behaviour · 7 months ago
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!!URGENT!!
Please Help Evacuate Ezzideen Shehab and his Family from Gaza!!
Ezzideen Shehab and his family (Ezzideen, his 12-year-old brother Mazan, his sister Abdeer, his brother Hassan, and his mother and father) are currently trapped in Rafah & are suffering from dire starvation. They have already lost 72 family members. Please, anyone who sees this, read this post all the way through, reblog it, and please donate if you can.
Let @blackpearlblast know on this post when you donate to Ezzideen's GoFundMe so that they and Boshra (the organizer of the campaign) can match the donations!!
There's other information on how to help at the bottom of this post.
Who are Ezzideen Shehab and his family?
Ezzideen Shehab is a brilliant new doctor, who had graduated only a week before the genocide in Gaza began. Throughout all of years of schooling, he never once visited his family back in Gaza, for fear of being trapped inside. Still, he had dreamed of seeing them again. When he finally graduated, the need for his family was immense. But when he finally took a trip back home to celebrate this incredible achievement with his loved ones, something he had dreamed of for so long, Israel trapped them inside Gaza, along with hundreds of thousands of others, murdered many of their family members, and destroyed their home.
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His sister, Abeer, was doing incredible work as a translator before the genocide in Gaza. Tragically, she was unable to continue this pursuit, and lost her job because of the violent, constant, bombardments happening around her and her family.
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Their brother, Hassan, is a responsible and kind man. He was working as an accountant, and had just secured an international work contract that would have provided Hassan and his family with an array of new horizons and opportunities. He and his family were this close to obtaining something new and promising, but because of influences outside of their control, this has been stripped from them.
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Ezzideen's parents are amazing people who raised 4 wonderful children. Ezzideen's father had recently retired from his job as a dedicated employee at the Ministry of Information. But, instead of being rewarded for his hard work with a peaceful retirement, he has been met with the murders of his loved ones and a life of constant fear and danger.
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Finally, there's Mazen, Ezzideen's 12-year-old younger brother. Mazen is an incredibly bright 7th grade boy, who, instead of going to school and experiencing typical 7th grade antics and embarrassments (which we all know this website loves to joke and reminisce about), is living under constant bombardment and starvation. He is faced with death and despair on a daily basis, as all other children in Gaza are. I have personally seen photos of children his age blown to bits. I can only imagine what he's seen. What he's felt. His right to be a child has been stripped from him under the Israeli command. Under no circumstances should a child be not allowed to grow up; growing up should not be a privilege. Mazen deserves to live a long and normal life, one where a daily fear of death upon him and his family members feels like an alien concept.
Mazen deserves to grow old, and he deserves to grow happy.
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No one, let me repeat; No one, deserves to go through what Ezzideen and his family are going through right now. Certainly no child ever should. The genocide happening in Gaza right now is the most horrific thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm not exaggerating. This is the most horrific thing I have ever seen. And I'm just an American bystander. I can get up from my screen and leave the house and be safe. I cannot Fucking imagine what it must be like for the people trapped in Gaza. They can't do that. They can't get up and walk away from what's happening. This is their reality, every second of every day.
But it's not too late. You, the person reading this, have power in this situation. You have a voice. If we can get them the help they need, and soon, they can evacuate. Ezzideen can pursue a further education in medicine. Abeer and Hassan can continue their incredible work to support their family and themselves. Mazen can grow up.
Support for this family has already made a difference. By sharing and donating to their cause, Ezzideen's mother has already been able to register for evacuation. Your actions make a difference. Your shares make a difference. Your donations, no matter how small, make a difference. I promise.
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How To Help
donate to Ezzideen's GoFundMe, which I linked at the top of this post
Donate in exchange for commissions from @void-botanist (info here)
Donate 50$ or more in exchange for a t-shirt, bag, or notebook from @boshradaoud (info here)
Reply on this post when you donate to Ezzideen's GoFundMe so that they and Boshra (the organizer of the campaign) can match the donations
Reblog this post (& tag it with a recognizable tag so people can search for it on your blog)
Repost & share the information contained in this post to other social media websites (INCLUDE A LINK TO THE GOFUNDME)
Make your own posts about the subject!! The more people talking about this, the better!!
^^relating to that, DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT PALESTINE!!! no matter who you are, how small your blog is, or what theme you post with, YOU SHOULD BE SPEAKING OUT ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN GAZA, even if that just means reblogging every pro-palestine post you see!! THERE IS A GENOCIDE GOING ON!! and as a human being, it is YOUR responsibility to talk about it. That's just what you do.
If you can, attend protests and events in your community to help support Palestine. Remember to prepare with the proper equipment if you're going to be protesting (especially if you live in America) so that police will have a harder time recognizing you
Big thank you to Boshra Daoud for organizing Ezzideen's GoFundMe, for reaching out to me about this, and for providing all of the images used in this post.
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zeevoidlight · 6 months ago
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Vegeta and Nappa, why did Vegeta killed him.
One of my favorite characters of all time since i was a child is without a doubt Vegeta.
I've seen this question being asked constantly so i'll give my take one it now. I know many people don't like the "because Saiyans" type of explanation but one cannot ignore that their nature is much different from humans and is a great part of who they are and why they do the things they do. So my approach is usually try to see what of all that is actually because of their nature and what is just being used as a cultural shield, specially when it comes to both Vegeta and Goku. More Vegeta because he lies a lot as well, and despite being Saiyan his status as royalty changes the usual dynamic a bit compared to others of his own species. (note that i watched the latin version so my interpretation of the character might be different from that of the english one)
So regarding the topic:
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Realistically and sadly, as much as I like this alternate reality people usually like to portray of Nappa being Vegeta's assigned babysitter, taking care of Raditz as well, the three of them being like a small family unit given that they only had each other as survivors of their people's extinction... I think the reality is a lot more complicated.
Being a Saiyan, and more than that the strongest Saiyan by far in their recent history, even stronger than the King himself, Vegeta was capable of taking care of himself better than Nappa. He never saw Nappa as a protector because Vegeta was leagues ahead of Nappa in terms of strength and rank. We see that on the first Bardock movie where he treats Nappa as a servant, and even asks Frieza to let him go alone to a more challenging planet to conquer where he ends up killing everyone, sitting on a rock in the middle of a pile of corpses of his own making and eating twinkies or something as he was getting news of his Planet's destruction, thinking already what was going to be his next move and hiding his concern from Frieza's informant. All of that at the age of 5.
He never saw Nappa as akin to family because for as young as he was Vegeta was still his superior. Plus Vegeta considered himself smarter than him too, and he actually was even as a child. Vegeta was, on the contrary, protecting Nappa and Raditz, and consequently himself, against Frieza and his men by playing the long game while those two probably constantly screwed up and tried to engage in an unwinnable battle. This kid didn't had the opportunity to be a kid since he was born. Always on a minefield.
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As how I see it, the reason why Vegeta killed Nappa then wasn't only because Goku broke Nappa's spine and paralyzed him leaving him quadriplegic and unable to fight rendering him as dead weight, but because he was years long fed up with Nappa as well. Maybe even with what he represented as the last remains of the Saiyan kingdom and the past since he was perfectly comfortable being the last Saiyan alive as representation of what a true Saiyan was in his own understanding and values of it, considering himself the peak of that and the example for everyone else to see, which being a prince he was kinda always pressured into being that and thinking of himself as such anyways. And Nappa's embarrassing fight was the last drop and the perfect excuse to get rid of him. Dude couldn't fathom something so disgraceful that he preferred to kill him than keep enduring his presence any longer while pretending he cared (and the emotions were kinda running high).
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Even after in GT when he sees Nappa again there's nothing but contempt against him. And you could say anything about GT but what I appreciate greatly of it is the character consistency.
Note: I've been watching DB and Z and it's very clear from the moment they arrive to Earth that Vegeta can't with Nappa's recklessness. When Nappa destroys East city Vegeta is like 'dude, has it ever occur to you that the dragon balls could have been here? You idiot! Don't destroy the planet, we could sell it, don't be a stupid, think, fight better, concentrate, his not fighting intelligent... Lol, by the time of Nappa asking Vegeta for help I can totally imagine Vegeta was thinking 'you know what Nappa... FUCK YOU' *yeet!
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myobsessionsspace · 1 year ago
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Jungkook’s BE-hind Story
Though filmed in 2021, I find it still relevant.
It’s a really good watch for those that may not have seen this, or may have but have forgotten about it.
His thoughts on songs with no relation to him personally.
His music process, how he can do songs within a day or work on a song over and over, delete and never release.
Watch full video here
🐰“From now on, although songs with sincerity is also important, but…there are so many different types of people, who think differently and come from different backgrounds.
I want to become an artist who can create various different stories by creating imaginary scenarios and situations and coming up with imaginary characters.
That’s my ultimate motive.”
🐿️ “It’s very unique. I usually find it much easier to write about my own experiences, but what you’re trying to do is putting yourself in an imaginary scenario, which is actually very difficult.”
🐰 “Right, it’s difficult. So, although it’s very difficult, like how I want to try new things but unable to express it right now. If I keep doing it I’ll get accustomed to it, so I should keep challenging myself.”
🐿️ “I think it’s wonderful and I believe all challenges are good. I hope you could try out as much as possible”
Weverse Live
July 2023
What really stuck out to me:
🐰“but there's still this idea called image. And many people love that. Let's say that people love it, and so I keep following only that path. In that case, what is it that I can change? With my own hands? When this is my own life. I've gotta be the one to make change, you know. I have to tell the people who love me "this is how I am," and I have to-- not coerce them, but I have to make it so that they can accept/recognize me.”
When will he be allowed to control his image? When will he be allowed to not fit the idea that has been created by fans from content that doesn’t reflect his stage in life anymore? When can he expand on that image, add dimension, flaws, normal human traits to it?
🐰“I mean, like, there are so many things. How should I say it, so... Even if I were to figure out [the audience's] needs and satisfy those... Would ARMYS and I be truly happy? Till the end. When there's nothing that changes.”
You can’t please everyone all of the time. To please the majority he has to sacrifice himself? His change from the image people hold of him can never be? Who is that fair to? Is it fair to him? Is it fair to the fans who want to love him for him?
🐰“Ok, if I'm being honest: that's right, before, I used to have a lot of fears, including fear of trying something new. And I used to not really feel up to doing things that are new. But this is something that you guys created for me as well. It is from you all. Because I gained so much courage from you guys. Truly. (drinks water)
& I said this in a recent live, too. Asking why you guys give your support and love to me. Because even back then, I didn't know the answer, which is why I kept asking again and again. But now, I don't want to show that vulnerable side of me to you guys. I gained confidence, and using this as a foundation, I want to keep building myself.”
Army time and time again showed him they loved all of him and trusts what he wants to do, so they gave him the confidence to try new things.
Trusting that he wants to do it and he’s spoken before about the want for these types of songs, these challenges.
They aren’t army’s challenges but his challenges.
I don’t know about you, but being a singer from a 7 piece group who for years has worked with the same people in their mother tongue, to now work with an array of people from a different country, to sing a full album in a different language and do each song with different musical genres, phew! I’m tired just *thinking about it*!
Watch the whole weverse live
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GOLDEN BY JUNG KOOK
Out November 3rd 2023!
Pre-Save & Pre-Order
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💜
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aalghul · 7 months ago
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Okay, I’ve been emboldened by your recent assertion that you don’t bite and differences in opinions are okay. I also have a genuine question for you. Mine is re: Roy and Jason. It is my understanding that pre new 52 Roy fell in love with and made a baby with a literal assassin. I’ve seen so many references from Roy fans that given Roy’s pre new 52 characterization, he could/would never become friends with Red Hood Jason. I am unable to square the circle of that reasoning in my mind, given his history with Jade/Chesire. If you were interested on espousing on this topic, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Roy and Jade's relationship never lasted in the end (despite how desperately they've loved each other) because she would not give up that life and he could not compromise on someone that close to him killing. Roy is more than willing of working with and even understanding people who use lethal force (I think I've mentioned a few times that him teaming up with Jason temporarily would work for that reason), but he can't be heavily involved with that person long term, in any way. He's an incredibly flexible character when it comes to the types of people he can get along with, and he has more love and understanding in his heart than most. But Roy draws a line for himself. He couldn't even stay in the outsiders long term because he belongs where the traditional heroes are. You can see where the difficulty is in trying to make Jason and Roy best friends, or even in carrying out a team-up as long term as RHATO.
Separate from the morality conflict, Roy also has a specific dynamic with many people younger than him that I think we forget to take into account. His interactions with people noticeably younger than him (while he was in his mid-late 20s) generally seem to follow him trying to be a leader and guiding figure, with the younger person learning from him. His friendships with those people is rarely ever the same as the friendship he has with people his own age. Jason's ~7 years younger than Roy, and is around 19-21 in the years after UTRH. That would make 26-28. Roy's experienced fatherhood at this point, he had relationships and ups and downs and established a place for himself in the hero community. Jason is a teenager who's really only just now realizing there's a life ahead of him. Any dynamic they have will need to take all of that into account. This is a huge part of why they don't work as each other's best friends.
I know you didn't ask for that last bit, but I was thinking about it a while ago and I don't think we talk about it enough. It's just as much of an issue with Roy and Jason being best friends, or anything along that line, as morality is.
If you see more aggressive assertions about how Roy would hate Jason, then that's probably frustration more than anything. Roy's entire character has been replaced by for the sake of Jason and Roy's RHATO dynamic. It's not surprising that anger makes people exaggerate or believe that because they're so personally sick of seeing it. I understand that and honestly, if Roy was my favourite character, I'd never want to hear about Jason near him either lol
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symptoms-syndrome · 2 years ago
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I really wish there were more comparative (?) examples of symptoms like dissociation, amnesia, lack of focus etc specifically because there's a misunderstanding that many of these symptoms are by their own merit seen as proof of a disorder, despite many of them being, to a lesser degree, part of many people's Normal Healthy Experience. It would be far more validating, personally, to see examples of normal levels of dissociation/forgetfulness/etc to compare to disordered levels than it is just to be told "well, normal people don't [x]" when they very much do, just not to the degree I do.
For example, it's normal to not remember every minute of a car ride, what exactly you had for lunch a week ago, or the name of someone you met for the first time recently. It's even normal, to a degree, to not remember chunks of childhood. It isn't normal to not remember your home address or your birthday or your mother's name. Similarly, it's relatively normal to daydream or "drift off" in a boring class or meeting, to a degree, but it isn't healthy to do it so often or so intensely that you can't focus at all on real life.
Not to mention, very rarely are symptoms indicators of one mental illness each. Being unable to focus can be a symptom of ADHD, dissociation, depression, or just being tired, dehydrated, or uninterested. People have talked about how mental illnesses are more than just a single symptom, but it's important to remember the inverse as well, symptoms are not in and of themselves mental illness.
I do understand why people make posts about [symptom] not being something "normal" or "healthy" people do, we all need to validate ourselves and our experiences, especially when they're dismissed, but I do worry about the expectation that this kind of thinking presents. It's incredibly unfair both to ourselves and our support systems. For ourselves, it sets up unrealistic expectations. "I will be healed and healthy when I can focus on any task," "I will be recovered when I remember every part of my life," and "I will be done with recovery when I no longer think about my trauma" are all things I've thought or said in therapy, and none of them are true or fair. It sets up this idea that I will be healthy, happy, healed, recovered, etc when I am perfect, but if I will never attain that perfection, that's setting me up to believe I will never recover. For others, it sets the idea that if someone is "healed," "healthy," or "neurotypical," that they CAN achieve these unrealistic expectations. If I am to believe that a person in my support system does not have a mental illness (because they've told me, or because they simply have not disclosed to me,) I might expect them to remember everything, always be able to focus on tasks, or never be in a depressed, irritable, or down.
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the-snake-and-the-statue · 1 month ago
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she doesn't do any fancy or silly gesture this time. there's nothing she could do to make this any less painful towards anyone.
she just nods
as he's encased in shadow
. . .
*The shadows dissipate after a moment.*
Achilles' eyes widen. He slowly looks down at his hands.
The steel from his fingertips is slowly fading up his arms. He stares at it as his hands start to grow numb..... it's horrifying, in a bittersweet, beautiful way.
He slowly looks up, locking eyes with Icia. Her hands are clasping the letters and will so tight that it hurts. She's shaking, biting her lip.
He steps forward, and she resists the urge to back away. There's a period of silence before Icia finally speaks.... her voice is nothing more than a small whisper.
".... does it hurt?"
Achilles stares at her for a moment before softly smiling and chuckling.
"Like a bitch."
"More than before...?"
"Yeah. A lot."
Icia looks down. Abstraction does hurt.
"I was expecting that...."
"Me too. But I think it's better than other options. And now I can see my wife and child again."
"Y... yeah, you can...." Icia wipes her eyes, fanning her face
"Gonna have a lot to tell her. Going to tell her about everything here in the kingdom. Everyone. The battles I've fought. The victories we've claimed."
Icia nods again, unable to coherently respond for a moment as her stomach churns. A small bit of frost forms under her.
".... we're going to miss you."
Achilles looks down.
"Yeah. I will, too. But, hey... Icia?"
"...?"
"Remember. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."
He reaches out slowly, hand moving to Icia's cheek.... before he pauses.
It feels wrong to hold her like that. She had a fiance.... and there's someone else he wishes to hold instead.
His hand rests on her shoulder instead, and Icia's head snaps up. The silver is above his elbows and knees now.
"It's been a true honor to fight by your side, Icia. To protect these people with you. To laugh with you. To cry with you. To rise with you... and to fall with you."
Icia swallows back a gag.
"I won't forget you and what you've done for me. Thank you, Icia. I'll be watching as you go on and continue to achieve whatever you set your mind to."
Achilles once again looks at everyone else.
"All of you are some of the strongest, smartest, kindest, most respectable people I've met in my life. It's been a true honor to fill not only the role of 'hero' for you all.... but also to be your friend. Your mentor. Your confidant. Whatever you see me as, it has been the greatest honor for me to be that to you."
"I don't deserve it. I still don't think I do. I've wronged many of you. But I appreciate you all coming to say goodbye to me here, whether it is out of spite or care. I wouldn't have invited you all here if I didn't care."
"And... I truly do. I will always care. I will always want to protect you all... and be someone you may look up to, even if I am no savior and not a good role model. I hope that, those who know me more and better understand what I'm going through, will be relieved that I will no longer be in pain. I won't be suffering anymore.... that's the whole point for all of this. For us to not suffer."
Ode turns away, stifling a sob in Samuel's shoulder. Achilles continues.
".... I have said before.... I have nothing to live for anymore. But I've recently realized that that was a lie. I have been living for something.... and that is to see you, the residents who I've vowed to protect, no longer suffer. And I can say at long last.... that has finally happened. I've seen you all. I've seen you all grow in ways our former AI could never allow."
"Aklatan and Latte can now live happily with each other. Ode is no longer in a body that harms them. The twins may be their own people. The dragons may flourish and fly freely. No one is being harmed by any king or queen anymore.... that is what I've sought to live for. I use the term 'live' very loosely. Seeing you all suffer a little less is why I have gotten out of bed. Seeing the smiles has been my goal. Knowing that no one shall harm you or make you afraid."
"And now that goal is accomplished. The kingdom is safe.... and I feel that, with the hands that it is in, I may finally rest. It will outlive me when I'm gone."
Achilles looks down at the ground, the steel having reached his shoulders and upper thighs, and fully covered any more scars along his arms.
"... I'm sorry this hurts so much. I wish it didn't. But I hope that my tranquility with this will bring some kind of ease to you all. I am no longer suffering either. I have been wanting this for years... to see my wife and maybe receive some form of forgiveness for my sins and transgressions. I will face her in a form that won't bring me any more pain. I will be okay.... and I hope that will be some kind of comfort to you. Although I acknowledge.... none of this is ideal."
He looks back up at Icia. Her face is stained with tears, hand over her mouth.
".... do you know of the courtyard by the ballroom?"
She nods.
"There is a stone pedestal in the middle. I... I would like to be placed there, please. Under the stars, surrounded by flowers and greenery. It is freeing there... and the one place I do not have any kind of negative memory."
Icia is still.... before suddenly hugging him with a sob. She doesn't respond with words... only bitter, quiet cries as her legs shake.
Achilles almost stumbles back from the force of her hug. He doesn't wrap his arms around her.... his fingers and hands are stuck.
But, as the abstraction reaches his collarbones, Achilles smiles slightly. He swallows back a cry, keeping his arms to the side of him with palms up, embracing the sun.
"... I love you all so, so much," Achilles whispers.
"Take care of yourselves.... I'll always be available if you all want to talk, even if you only receive silence."
Achilles tilts his head up, looking at the top of the castle as both Icia and the steel increase their hold on him.
Suddenly, he sees something.
At first, he thinks it's just a wisp of fog.... but no. Fog doesn't usually reach out with arms.
Fog also usually doesn't look like a human woman... with long, straight hair that falls into her eyes and a serene smile.
Achilles' eyes widen as the illusion grows closer.
..... Galene.....
His slightly surprised expression grows into a a smile... a large smile that strains against his lips. It's a smile he's forgotten he could smile, an wave of freedom and bliss that he forgotten long ago.
He's finally going home.
Achilles closes his eyes, two tears falling down his face as the steely abstraction hardens his chin.... his eyes.... his cheeks... his nose...
... and finally, it comes to a close with his mouth, permanently freezing the expression upon his face.
Achilles takes his final breath through the smile.
[ALERT: Achilles.file has ABSTRACTED.]
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rockanroller · 10 months ago
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i think one of my biggest concerns about viv's content (which has become heavier since seeing how she and raph have reacted to push-back against viv's mis-matched portrayals of SA overall but particularly both viv & raph's portrayals of SA in episode 4) was that she never actually had "good intentions" for what she's trying to say. or maybe she did at a point, but it got lost/blurred over time.
yes, it *is* a good message to attempt to give support to the "imperfect victim," the assholes who need a little empathy despite their bark and bite, bc they all still suffered horrible things that are unimaginable to some of us, and they deserve the love and healing they were denied just as much as the "perfect victim" does, but...
the risk that message can come with is emboldening assholes and "imperfect victims" who have no intentions of changing, who want to be and act horribly to others and/or themselves without consequence, who continue the cycles of abuse put upon them. tbf, this is generally unavoidable, but handling it poorly can amplify the numbers or confidence of said emboldened assholes.
the impression i always got from her work was "oh so i'm a monster? fine, then i'll act like one, deal with it" while ironically simultaneously being unable to handle being perceived as "a monster."
my concern from the start was that viv may not *be* someone who has genuinely been treated/hated unfairly (for her *entire* existence, she was def treated/hated unfairly for some of it) despite many attempts to change and "be better"--and she instead is someone who refuses to self-reflect outside of "people hate me" and wants to be allowed to be and act shitty w/o consequences "because trauma" w/o having to consider others and in an apparent effort to act fully self-interested. (which yes, all that can be a trauma response but it doesn't excuse you for how you behave/act towards others.)
it's not illegal to be selfish, but to live the kind of life where you continually act only in your own self-interest creates a very isolated and unstable foundation where you're continually burning bridges and generating misery for not only others but also yourself. we've seen this pattern continually with viv.
how i've seen viv act over time, and how she and raph have acted recently throughout the drama with episode 4, with viv seeming to continually adjust her defenses/like tweets to fit whatever argument she's trying to one-up... i'm not confident w/her intentions... and i've given her a *lot* of chances and empathy to attempt to understand where she's coming from, but i find my understandings for her becoming more and more contradicted by her own words & actions.
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icedragonlizard · 10 months ago
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More information about my headcanon universe's home planet for Susie
In some of my earlier tumblr posts, particularly ones that largely involve Susie, you may have noticed how I keep talking about how I headcanon she has a home planet. That there's a place she lives at.
Well, I figure it'd be best that I make an entire tumblr post about my interpretation of her home, since there's a lot of details that I did not mention in those earlier posts. I've seen some people interpret her being a nomad post-PR where she just lives in a spaceship that goes around the cosmos, but I don't do that. In my universe, she has an actual planet that she calls home! And so I'll begin in explaining it.
Tumblr media
This visual comes from a "It's Kirby Time!" book that just recently released in Japan if I'm not mistaken. It's more or less about Kirby going through many other planets.
This ended up being long, so have a 'Keep reading' tag.
I don't have an official name for this planet. I guess we can tentatively call it 'Haltmann Star' or something. Which is hilarious to think of this family being bold enough to name a planet after themselves, LOL.
It's quite a ways away from Popstar, but not too far away to stop Kirby and a few others from giving her a visit every now and then.
Susie's home is a very mechanical planet. It basically looks like a planet that has been mechanized by the Haltmann Works Company.
This planet acts as the HWC's headquarters. This is where the HWC's main base of operations resides in. It was also disconnected to Star Dream while the company was in its rogue phase of Max Haltmann being the president and mechanized planets across the cosmos.
And because the company's headquarters was disconnected to Star Dream, it was able to survive when the machine got destroyed at the end of KPR. All the planets that have been invaded and mechanized have been restored back to normal after Star Dream's destruction, but the HWC's main base of operations was able to avoid dissolvement.
Therefore, Susie wasn't without a home after Star Dream got destroyed, and had somewhere to resort to after Planet Robobot's events were over. The remaining Haltworkers that survived also resorted back to the HWC's headquarters alongside Susie after KPR.
However, while the headquarters managed to avoid dissolvement, it didn't come out unscathed. The enormous universal scale of Star Dream's debris harshly damaged it. Susie and the remaining Haltworkers had a lot of work to do in fixing up the headquarters back to its former glory. It also wasn't mentally easy to fix up the headquarters, to say the least... considering Susie was going through an horrible grief period of mourning her father's death, including that her self-esteem was damaged due to his death largely being her fault.
Star Dream was what made it possible to mechanize other planets in the first place, so that threat was just about eliminated entirely when Star Dream got destroyed. The only way the HWC could mechanize planets again is if they rebuild another machine similar to Star Dream, but Susie didn't want anything to do with another machine like that ever again considering what the last one did to her family. She would revive the HWC without Star Dream, although at first she didn't really know what direction she wanted to strive for...
... Until when she (painfully) remembered memories of her and her father before the Another Dimension accident. At that moment, she was able to recall when Haltmann originally talked about wanting to be innovative with technology and science to the fullest, and to use that to consensually improve planets and people. When she recalled this, that's the direction she decided to go for when reviving the HWC. While the company is unable to mechanize planets anymore, they can still industrialize to be able to achieve the new, more altruistic goal that it wants to do under Susie's rule. When she worked to revive the company, she rebuilt everything from the ground up.
Once Susie began recovering from her grief, fixed up the headquarters and revived the HWC, her home planet is perhaps now in a better place than it's ever been before. She's heavily changed it up to her liking. She's in charge of the entire planet, after all, so she just did whatever she wanted to make the planet look how she wanted to look, as the Haltworkers helped configure it all to her personal liking.
The appearance of her home planet isn't actually just dull grey of metal coloration-wise like what you may think. As the HWC was brought back with Susie being the new president, the company became more 'pink' and 'teehee cutesy' so to speak. A lot of the buildings in the headquarters are literally painted pink in coloration. Susie, being a pink fanatic, could not help herself but to paint some of the HWC's assets pink. She even went as far to as to make changes to the "H" logo of the company, as it's now shown in two different ways: its orange coloration is now replaced with pink, but there's also instances where the original orange coloration still exists but it's surrounded by a pink background. This woman literally went through with "I'm the CEO, so I can do whatever I want with this now!"
She sure went to have fun when entirely revamping the company!
Not joking about the "teehee cutesy" stuff either. Susie installed literal kaomojis on the Haltworkers now and sometimes giggles to herself about it. She's also given the headquarters some general sense of kawaii-ness. She even goes as far as to participate in the holiday cheer when the holidays show up and will decorate the headquarters accordingly (whether it's Halloween, Christmas, etc.). Although at the start she initially didn't do anything about holidays, because her time stranded in Another Dimension made her forget all about holidays. Others in the Kirby cast had to teach her about the holidays. But once she got the hang of it, she went nuts about it when decorating at the appropriate times. She smiles when looking at all the Haltworkers wearing santa hats when it comes to be Christmas.
The main building of interest in the headquarters is a miniature version of the Access Ark. It's the main office building, basically. It's where Susie resides, it's where she does her presidential work at, and this building also houses her bedroom that she goes to sleep in. And by the way, her bedroom is all pink and teehee cute with stuffed animals and shit. No joke! Some of her childhood stuff is still there that she patched up. Susie technically didn't get to mature the proper way due to her ruined past, so even though she likes to display a peppy/professional demeanor, deep down inside she's still kind of childish and cutesy, despite being a grown-ass adult woman in her 20s. It would not be wrong to say that she is kind of a womanchild.
Another notable building interest is an ice cream shop. Yeah... the headquarters has an ice cream shop. Susie just has to have nearby ice cream. One could say this maybe adds on to the cutesiness of Susie's version of the HWC, especially considering that the company goes as far as to make ice cream factories for some planets.
The cutesiness can also sometimes claw its way into consensual robotic upgrades for people. The HWC under Susie's rule has not stopped 'mechanizing' people albeit it's consensual and they always ask people first before actually doing it... although initially they were a bit too insistent about it and were like "you sure you don't want it?" that they've needed time to get past doing, but at least they haven't been forcing it against people's will anymore. Anyways, at the instances where someone actually does accept a mechanical upgrade, they then get asked if they'd like a kaomoji installed onto their upgrade or something. LOL. Funny enough, there's instances where that kind of thing doesn't get declined... people who are into cute have allowed it to happen to them. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Some hilariously unhinged combinations can be done with the cutesiness and the company's technology. So, one of the things that the HWC does is mass produce robot toys... let me mention it also mass produces weird super customizable furbies. I made an entire post about how I headcanon that Susie makes fucked up furbies and she kinda just projects it onto the universe by mass producing furbies, LOL. It's anyone's guess as to how people in various planets react to these furbies. Although I'll mention some people have gotten into furbies thanks to her! Might as well call Susie a 'furby queen', tbh.
Susie's home planet regularly gets visited on occasion by Kirby, Magolor, Taranza and the mage sisters. Those are her closest friends and the only ones she's been willing to disclose her home to. Visiting her home isn't the only time they see her, though, as she will occasionally vacation outside her home to see friends in other places.
But the other notable characters in the Kirby cast do not know that this is her home because she doesn't bother telling them. She generally doesn't talk about much of her personal life to a lot of people anyways, she's not comfortable enough to do so.
Well, actually, there is another notable person in the cast that knows where her home is: Ribbon. This is because of a particular circumstance. Susie and Ribbon aren't close enough to be legitimate friends, but their respective home planets are actually closer to each other in location than either of them is to Popstar. When they both found out about this, they had a conversation about it that had something to do with being cordial about any future big threats.
If a new big universal threat came around, they'd contact each other about it before getting to Kirby. And it helps that Susie has set up an entire militia of Haltworkers that can work as a defense against a future threat unless the danger becomes more than big enough to feel the need to inform Kirby and others in Planet Popstar.
But yeah, aside from that, her friends are the only ones who visit her in her home, and that's how she likes it. Kirby gets there through a warp star whenever he chooses to visit. Taranza and the mage sisters are able to float all the way there by themselves. Magolor, however, chooses to use the Lor Starcutter to get to Susie whenever he feels like visiting, and she was like "WTF" the first few times it's happened.
Anyways... I think that about wraps up everything I wanted to talk about about my headcanon universe's home for Susie? She has a home in my world! It's technically a mechanized planet with teehee cute pink stuff added to it, but no other planet has to worry about being mechanized again. Susie uses her business suit as her means of transportation, and she's upgraded it to be capable of moving around at stellar speeds to easily visit other planets for vacations. But wow... her friends care enough about her to visit her home sometimes! At least she's not alone. She has people in her life now.
Thank you if you've gotten to read all this. See you for the next one.
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skys-archive · 4 months ago
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In case you haven't been able to tell from my recent posts (or just haven't seen them, which, fair) I have psychosis. And I decided I wanted to talk about it while I was thinking about it.
I'm not going into detail of symptoms, but if conversation around delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, and disassociation could potentially trigger you please keep yourself safe. I do describe symptoms a bit and give a few examples. Also warning - a very brief mention of self harm.
Anyway, I've suffered with some psychotic symptoms since I was really little. (Side note - on its own these aren't psychosis. But because I have psychosis I noticed these are tendencies I had as a child that are similar) I would mix up dreams and reality very very often, even take out anger of things that happened on people in real life, or believe things even if I knew the opposite where true. For example I had a fantasy dream when I was very young, and in it one of my friends sisters was our neighbor. I went years legitimately thinking that friend was my neighbor, even when I would pass by her real house. Also, I was very very sure I could not be killed. This is a delusion I still struggle with, the idea that I'm unable to be harmed a significant amount. I believed I was a prophet, and my dreams held meaning of what would happen. It didn't help that I grew up Christian being told stories of spirituality coming to you in dreams. All of these were relatively harmless on their own aside from the delusion I still struggle with, I mostly just mention it because it reminds me of my more severe psychotic symptoms now.
I'm not really diagnosed with a reason for these symptoms right now, my doctors don't want to diagnose me. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety, as well as panic disorder. Though now I don't really meet the criteria of panic disorder because I don't have panic attacks very frequently. I think I actually maybe never did, and what I thought were panic attacks were more minor psychotic episodes. I personally think I may have a schizospec disorder, but again not currently diagnosed, though I am on medication for it. I do notice my doctors have never called it psychotic symptoms.
I'm not super familiar with the terminology behind psychotic symptoms at the moment. I know there's positive symptoms, things that are added like hallucinations and paranoia, and negative symptoms that take away things like lack of interest or focus. I know there's another category as well. And I know medication only really treats the positive symptoms which is also what I've noticed.
I started noticing my positive symptoms a little over a year ago, about April of 2023. I was having a really hard time seeing the difference between dreams/thoughts and realities. I would hallucinate conversations and interactions that would make me very upset and sometimes I would just see things. Paranoia I've had for much longer, but I didn't start recognizing it as paranoia until around the same time. I don't often have paranoia of very specific things, just a general idea that people are out to get me. I think people are lying about so many things. Often my paranoia goes hand in hand with delusions. For a long time, I was convinced that my boyfriend didn't actually exist. I thought that everyone knew I was making him up and so they lied about knowing him in order to appease me and that everyone who didn't know I made him up had just never met him and assumed he was real. So, I was paranoid about people lying not to hurt my feelings. I'll have delusions about the whole world being specifically tailored to hurt me, or that it's not real and it's some special kind of hell made just for me. This leads to paranoia about nothing and no one being a real thing.
My medication has definitely helped these symptoms. I didn't haucinate often anyway but that pretty much went away. Paranoia could be triggered but I didn't find myself having it as often as I was, same with delusions. The two kind of go together.
It's been hard learning and setting boundaries for my triggers. I've noticed a big one is miscommunication. Communication is very very important to me in any kind of relationship. When there are misunderstandings, my brain kind of takes that as lies. Kind of like when there's a plot hole in a franchise, my brain finds a way to make it make sense but often it uses the worst outcomes it can imagine. When things aren't communicated properly I start thinking people are lying and then I get paranoid about being paranoid wondering what to believe. I try to make people understand that communication is just, really important. Obviously it's important for everyone but especially for me because without it it sends me into mental health crises.
With medication, psychotic episodes have become a lot more bearable. Before, I would spend hours upon hours physically unable to control myself. I'd cry and scream and kick and pretty much anyone I had a conversation with I would be so unbelievably nasty to. I would have specific racing thoughts I couldn't control and everything felt like it was fighting. It took me days to recover but I didn't have days because I would have multiple of these episodes a day, just spending energy that I didn't have. I either waited until I wore myself out or I would hurt myself to shock my system out of it. The latter was the only effective thing I knew to help me get out of it instead of losing too much energy.
Now it's different. Again it's usually because of a miscommunication. I have a fear or a paranoia, I believe no one is listening. I have one clear thought of what's wrong instead of the racing and fighting. I'm very torn on the thought, but it's only one thought. I can control myself physically and if I need to I can continue my tasks. Not to a very good standard but I can do it. It lasts maybe an hour, and it takes out a lot of energy. It doesn't happen nearly as often, I'm able to recover more. With therapy it's been easier to find ways to distract myself and shock myself out of it more healthily and successfully.
I still have the symptoms but it's bearable.
There's more to talk about but that's all I feel at the moment.
Psychosis is something I live with, I don't have much of a reason for this other than I wanted to bc I was thinking.
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