#but really we're just stuck
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feeling like everything is less significant than it used to be, and the present is already too close to the past. happy new year i suppose.
#boink#hopeful about things#but also feeling that either way#no matter how somethings turn out#it won't really matter#maybe things are uncertain#but really we're just stuck#stuck here#i dont know#i feel very strange i guess
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YJ S3 Dick, still in the midst of his fever dream, hides underneath the 'souvenir' instead of behind some boxes, and accidentally opens the airlock trying to take care of the Parademons. The others get it to close... but not before Nightwing is thrown into space.
There, he stares at the ship holding his friends and mentors. There, he wishes more than anything that he can, somehow, survive. There, he tries to live, if only so his family don't have to bury him like Jason.
There, Nightwing dies, wanting to save everyone, even with the cold seeping into his bones far too quickly for a regular section of space.
Then, Dick opens his eyes to... Earth? There's a little house, and grass, and trees, but there's a bubble of green over it all. Outside of that green was an entire castle, one that looked like it should have far more support beams than it does for even a hope that it stays standing.
And the sky was swirling shades of that same green. It makes him think of Lazarus.
"Well, that's something you don't see every day." He whips his head behind him, a bit too fast for Earth's atmosphere, but it doesn't hurt him. Past the bubble of green was a blue-skinned adult in purple robes, the insides of a grandfather-clock fitted inside their torso, and a black staff with a stopwatch on its top. Beside them was a man with snow white hair, glowing green eyes, a crown of frozen fire dancing above his head, and the most galaxy-like cloak Dick's ever seen clasped to his shoulders. He's wearing... a hazmat suit? Maybe? The twinkling stars and odd lighting of wherever he is were giving him a bit of a headache.
But in front of those two, within this bubble, was...
"DICK!" Wally shouted with unrestrained glee, a blur overtaking his spot for barely a heartbeat before Dick's stuck in a crushing hug that he reciprocates once his brain stops feeling like its melting.
He doesn't know how long it took for them to calm down, but the man with the crown spoke up after a time, as Wally was still wiping their faces free of tears. "Welcome to the Infinite Realms, Nightwing." Dick barely even registered that he was still wearing his suit, but now it felt suffocating. "I suppose you're the one Clockwork was holding out for; There shouldn't've been enough Ectoplasm around you to form a Ghost, and your physical body's still in space. I can see why you like this one, though, Clockie," he states flippantly, turning to his companion. Almost like he didn't expect Dick to pay too close attention to what he was saying.
"Either way, there's two options for you." The man didn't let Dick swallow his tears and question anything. Dick's not sure if he's grateful or not. "First: Stay in the Realms permanently. You'll see Kid Flash whenever you want and learn to be a Ghost with the denizens of the Realms. Maybe find your parents."
"But..." Dick pulls away from Wally, keeping him at arms length, eyes flitting between them. The two outside the bubble were distinctly... ghost-like, so the mentions of 'Ghosts' make sense. But Wally looked... alive. A bit pale, a bit thin... but alive. Dick can't see any of his own skin to see if it was blue or tinted that way, but the Nightwing symbol on his chest kept flickering between its own blue and this 'Realms' green. "But--What about the others? What about you? Why can't you come home?" The last two, he focuses on Wally, because now he can feel a heartbeat beneath his gloves. Wally's alive. He's alive.
His friend just shrugs. "Something about their portals not fit for the living? I'm meant to wait for someone to figure out a permanent portal, but they won't tell me how long that'll take." Wally glares at the... 'Ghosts'? There was a heat to it, but it also seemed like this was a well-worn argument.
"The permanent portal was always an 'if', Wallace West. And that is entirely dependent on if Richard Grayson takes the second option," the clock Ghost--Clockwork?--speaks up. But instead of the adult Dick was expecting, there was an elderly Ghost in their place. Still with the time motif. Was that... more literal than Dick took it?
"Yes, the second option..." The crowned man glares daggers at Clockwork. The temperature dips below comfortable. Dick tries to blink the spaceship and stars out of his sight, withdrawing his arms from Wally to try and warm himself. Tries to remember he's not in space. "The second option is that you return to your body... changed. You'll be able to protect Earth better, stay with your alive family, save the Lost Ones... for a price."
Dick doesn't know if he should ignore the plural in 'Lost Ones'. He doesn't know if he's reading too much into how, in this Realm, apparently only his parents were able to be found. Where's Jason? He doesn't dare hope, but...
"What's the price?"
The man smiles and a ring of blue forms around his waist. It splits in two and travels up and down his body, replacing the cloak and whatever clothes he was actually wearing with a NASA shirt, worn jeans, and red sneakers actually duct taped together. The blue tint to his otherwise tan skin fades completely. His hair turns black. His eyes turn blue.
He was like a taller, slightly slimmer, way hotter version of Bruce.
The man walks through the bubble, but doesn't disturb the grass beneath his feet. "You become the Ghost King's vassal." Dick flinches away and almost hides behind Wally. "Not my idea! But, well... it is either this, or your permanent death."
"What does becoming a vassal do to him?" Wally asks, gently trying to stop Dick from breaking his ribs with how tightly he was hugging himself. Does he even have ribs?
"He gains my powers. Ice, electricity, invisibility, intangibility, flight... He becomes a Halfa. He becomes what I was, in life. Just... needing to make offerings to me, now and then. Something like that, at least. I give him powers, he gives me a chunk of, I don't know, chocolate once a week. Like a warlock."
Wally keeps talking to the man, keeps getting information that he knows he should pay attention to, but something in his chest screams to accept this deal, and he can't focus on anything else.
Nightwing can protect. He can return to life and go back to Blüdhaven, be the Vigilante they need. He can visit Gotham every now and then, help with cases and stop criminals from harming others. He can see his brother. He can see his friends. He can eat Alfred's cookies, and have little get-togethers with Babs and the Team--hell, he can argue with Bruce.
And all he has to do is... give an offering to this guy? The Ghost King? Every once in a while?
"There's no other price?" The King turns his attention to Dick. His eyes had shifted to a blue-green that almost hypnotize him. The green swirls, the blue forms and melts like snowflakes, and he can't look away.
He takes another step forward and Wally steps to the side. There was familiarity between them. Wally deferred to him. Dick can't quite tell why. Though, with how Wally hasn't once looked at Clockwork, maybe it's because he's... grounded? Are all speedsters in trouble with, what, the Ghost of Time? That... actually makes perfect sense.
"I'll be honest, Nightwing: You've impressed me." The weight behind the King's words lifts the ones that've been on his shoulders since he was nine. "You remind me of myself. Maybe, if I wasn't a Halfa... If I had a mentor... I could've been like you.
"Despite Clockwork's insistence over the years that I get back in touch with the living, I've held off. When he eventually suggested that I help create another Halfa, I locked him in his tower for twenty years. I didn't want anyone to go through what I had. But, now... I see that you won't. You can't. Even if you hide this deal--our shared powers... You'll still have people by your side. Strong people. Smart people. You can already handle yourself. And I'd love to see what you can do--who you can save--with my help."
There was maybe two inches between their faces when the King finishes speaking. Dick roves his eyes across the other's face, trying to find the common and familiar ticks that show lies and deceit and manipulation. All he finds is sincerity and genuine care.
Wally plays with his fingers from the corner of his eye, gaze hopeful as he looks between the two of them. Wally, who was alive and breathing and able to leave if he accepts. Eventually. Somehow.
Dick Grayson sends a quiet apology to his parents and hopes they will forgive him for being a little bit selfish.
"I accept."
He flings his eyes open. Above him, domino mask too wobbly to be properly secured anymore, was Robin crying and begging him to wake up. His hands were sloppily placed over his heart. Batman was trying to drag him away, the firm set of his jaw screaming grief.
Nightwing gasps once he registers his lungs burning.
There's a large cacophony of noise, multiple bright suits and people hounding over him, and the distinct artificial taste of slightly-too-much oxygen that the ship with the Parademons had. That he flew out of and died. He was still too cold.
Someone moves their arm beneath his knees and shoulder and Dick passes out.
(Dick 'Nightwing' Grayson dies in space. Ghost King Danny Phantom likes this too-human Hero. They split their souls in half, take one piece of the others, and all they know is that Phantom is now Nightwing's Patron Deity. Danny uses ice, for electricity killed him. Dick uses electricity, for ice killed him. They are opposites, and yet so incredibly similar. Clockwork was looking forward to when Danny starts putting off his paperwork to hang out with his new 'friend'.)
#i dont think ive seen something like this yet but its been stuck in my mind for like ten months#also i dont see enough death defying so this was like heavily implying that#ive imagined dick just. not telling anyone what happened. even when his powers get a little out of control. he just. like. makes a bowl#of cereal and leaving it on the counter and just saying 'for the. uh. ghost king? lil help?' and thats how danny first shows up again#eventually dick really does wonder bout the lazarus and gets to ra's. sees that one new assassin. ghost sense goes off. hes never had THAT#happen before. confusion. the assassin HESITATES to attack him. oh. oh fuck. jay? oh fuck the dude flinched. GET RA'S OUT HERE NOW DAMNIT#WHATVE YOU DONE TO JAY??? I DONT WANNA HEAR IT. *pulls a tim and explodes something*. JASON WE'RE GOING. just full on grabs the guy and#gets back on the plane. theyre going to blud#at some point in time constantine meets nightwing. takes one look at him. turns around. fucks RIGHT off. tries to never be near him again#1 thats a HALFA hes gonna try and get john in the realms bc o all the soul contracts. 2 hes DRENCHED in 'do not touch belongs to ghost king#and he does NOT FUCK with the ghost king. 3 is that? THE GHOST KING'S RING ON HIS FINGER???#turns out danny gave him that after a particularly good offering that they dont realize counted as courtship. oopsies#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc au#dick grayson#danny fenton#nightwing#death defying ship#halfa dick grayson#dc x dp#dc x dp prompt#dc x dp crossover#vwoopis posts
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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they are friends :^)
#i feel like this duo in particular doesnt get enough attention so here i am. giving them attention#i have. a lot of thoughts about them. very few are coherent#i tried to put a very specific emotion into this piece that i dont really know how to explain so. i hope it comes across???#also the framing is really bad i know but it looked weird when i cropped it.#sorry. we're stuck with it being off centre#my artwork#jrwi#jrwi fanart#jrwi pd#prime defenders#jrwi vyncent#jrwi dakota#vyncent sol#dakota cole#jrwi prime defenders#prime defenders fanart#just roll with it#just roll with it fanart
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Thinking about the song "Ship in Port" by Radical Face and clones
Thinking about the line "Farewell to the chains we were born into" and what that can mean for the clones
Thinking about how "But I have always stayed in place/Under that old illusion that it's safe" could equally describe Hunter, Echo, and (s1+2) Crosshair's complete opposite approaches to the Empire and post-war life.
The way Crosshair clings to his identity as a soldier of the Empire
And Echo as a soldier of the Republic
But Hunter puts his identity as a soldier behind him
Crosshair fights for the Empire to gain purpose
Echo fights against the Empire to save his brothers
And Hunter decides the Empire is too strong to even try to oppose
"A ship in port is a safer one"
"but it's not the reason it was made"
"So forgive me if I wander off"
"And forgive me more if I just stay"
Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had more fully explored the differences between those ideologies
(Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had dedicated more screen time to the 'reg' clones within the Empire and the underground network's fight to free them , instead of just sidelining Echo and Rex for a hypothetical clone rebellion show we might never get)
#i have lots of thoughts and many draft posts in which i've been struggling to figure out how to word those thoughts#tbb had SO much potential#it was so close!#it really could have been on par with Andor if it has just tried#i feel like i'm projecting these themes that aren't really there#the pieces are there the show just didn't focus on them#i considered saying hunter 'hides from the empire to protect his family' but that never included crosshair just omega#so that felt like giving him too much credit#ignore the music video i just really love the acoustic version bc MMM that viol!#the rest of the lyrics totally fit for clones of this era too btw#like SO WELL ugh#if i had the time resources and attention span I'd make a music video#maybe someday...#(lol i have waay too many projects stuck in my brain and also the new semester started and i'm already so behind rip)#while we're on the subject of radical face and clones#“always gold” is THE perfect heartbreaking Kix song!#tbb#tbb analysis#sw tcw#tbb echo#tbb hunter#tbb crosshair#arc trooper echo#the clones#radical face#bardic musings#sorry i didn't credit the gifs#this has been in my drafts since long before i knew people care about that and i can't find where i found them from#just know the shitty ones are the ones i made lol
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Gnawing at the bars of my cage wondering what personal hatred Olivier is referring to here.
Does he mean hatred is "the reason he's standing here now" as in it's the reason he's reached his current point in life? The reason he's stayed with the chasseurs and become a paladin? Or does he mean "the reason he's standing here now" as in the reason he's still alive?
He brings up his own relationship to hatred in the context of people clinging to it for their very survival, but he also dismisses his own feelings as "trivial," so I can see an argument for either way.
Olivier sees himself in pre-trauma Astolfo, which means he must have grown up relatively privileged and comfortable. The tiny glimpse we've seen of his childhood seems to support that. What desperate straits did he end up in that forced him to rely on hatred? Was it despite or because of that privilege? Despite or because of his involvement with the chasseurs? He doesn't seem that intense in his hatred for vampires (not relative to some other chasseurs, anyway), and we've yet to see him express particular dislike for anyone besides when he got into a fight with Gano over cruelty to Astolfo, so it could be almost anyone that he's talking about here.
I was never that interested in Olivier before these chapters came out, but MAN I'm curious about his history now.
#I've been stewing on these thoughts since 59 came out and just never got around to posting them#I think I've seen someone theorize before that whatever he's referring to here has something to do with him threatening to quit#if roland didn't wake up that time he was injured#and whether it's a direct causation or just two symptoms of a complicated relationship to his job. that would be REALLY interesting#but I don't think we have enough evidence to say for sure that that's the case yet#so we're (I'm) still just stuck here wondering#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#vnc spoilers#olivier#olivier my beloved#olivier of obsidian#english major hours#ID in alt text
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John Seed is a comfort character for some people. Folks like to ship him with their deputies or craft redemption arcs for him.
There's nothing wrong with that, obviously.
But I just can't wrap my head around it.
There's nothing comforting about the way John Seed treated Joey Hudson. I don't understand why the ordeal she went through doesn't seem to matter to fans of his.
She was bait for the rookie deputy and nothing more, because she wasn't going to give in and join the cult.
He terrorized Joey and the rest of Fall's End, stooping to the lowest, most inhumane levels to get his way. Some even theorize that he hurt the "sinners" in his care just because he wanted to, for malicious, sadistic reasons that didn't have anything to do with the cult. At worst, some people go as far as to speculate that he raped Joey.
It's easy to see why someone might come to that conclusion. The way he acts is deplorable and he makes everything feel extremely personal, sometimes in ways that can be interpreted as sexually charged. He'll do anything in order to get his way because "no" is antithetical to him. He regularly flies off the handle, so much so that Joseph is threatening to cast him out. All the touching and getting right up in the player's face is so uncomfortable and obsessive (which is the point, but I digress).
So why does he get to be redeemed and venerated by fans? Don't his actions warrant consequences?
Are people willing to let him off the hook because he's attractive? Because he had a horrible, abusive childhood? Obviously he's got a lot more lore than most of the cast. Is that something people are interested in exploring for him over other characters?
I'm not trying to come after anyone personally. There's nothing wrong with liking villains and Jacob, Faith, and Joseph have also done terrible things to innocent people.
Which is like, fine. It's a video game.
And I know that John, like Joey, is a victim of Ubisoft's choppy, inconsistent writing and storytelling. Things got changed and swapped and cut during development that got us to where we are, with the story we have. Flaws and all, not like it was ever going to be perfect.
But in my opinion, I feel like the adoration for John does a huge disservice to Joey. People make thirsty edits of him while she's literally tied up behind him. It's tasteless and makes the optics of her situation look even creepier.
Her pain has largely been ignored for as long as the game has existed. I can't for the life of me figure out why.
#i'm gonna save my extra personal interpretations for the notes#genuinely I'm not trying to come after anyone#I just can't wrap my head around it#same goes for Jacob but I feel like he at least has the capacity for some change#cause he has doubts about the cult and stuff#the jury is out on Faith and how much autonomy she really has#though I believe it's more than some people think#and Joseph well... some medication is in order at least#but John had all that money and not a single cent went to a therapist so he could sort out his issues#John never got proper help and he has some very fucked up interpretations of the events that happened to him#he is so stuck in his ways and regularly acts extremely selfishly#in canon that's even considered to be part of why he dies#he's too stubborn and selfish to change#would rather everyone experience the pain that he felt than accept what happened to him#he absolutely had the means to better himself and never did#and Joey and all the other innocent people in his bunker were hurt no matter how you slice it#which if we're talking about John#I guess that's no pun intended#far cry 5#john seed#joey hudson#deputy hudson#fandom opinions#rape mention
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I just wanna say that I LOVE all the detail you’re giving side/background characters. My favorite part of wc is getting to read about generations passing by, watching the young scrappy main character turn into the next main character’s funny grandparent or something. Canon is really bad about acknowledging this but god, you’ve done such a good job with BB. Reading about Jaypaw and Owlpaw’s rivalry knowing the life Owlpaw is going to go on to live in the background later is so cool. Imagine an alternate universe where BB was the real warrior cats and 14 year old you reads a scene where some background character is casually mentioned and realizing it’s that guy Jaypaw beat the shit out of. Shit like that doesn’t happen in canon, they would forget who Owlpaw is and he would never do anything else in his life.
The one thing that WC has over any other xenofiction brand, and most other book series period, is the fact that you are able to watch several GENERATIONS of characters pass by in basically in real-time. So it's a shame that they kinda neglect it in the main series!
I LOVE when WC does do neat things with its cast, like how Harepaw gets trounced by Brambleclaw in Po3 and becomes Leader later. Or how Firestar's recurring background buddy, Onewhisker, became a major character in TNP and beyond. It's honestly a major reason I still follow the books, and why I've never found something that quite scratches the itch like WC does.
Unfortunately, it's ridiculously rare outside of WindClan LMAO. Owlpaw DID get forgotten. He was one of Jaypaw's bullies in his canon training, but then the writers lost track of his age and made him an apprentice on a patrol Tigerheart was giving a lesson to in a field guide; problem is, Tigerheart is younger than him!
Which is not too big a deal, dgmw, but my point is that they forgot. ShadowClan in particular is really lacking in-canon, especially considering they're the neighbor of ProtagonistClan. Ivytail and Owlclaw were part of the Po3 apprentice generation and should have been at least a little relevant going foward, y'know?
I desperately crave the Clans feeling like communities. With petty drama, watching characters gain skill and shuffle around the ranks, every family struggling with how they define their legacy under the emblem of the Clan, that sort of stuff. So that's how I approach it.
#It's actually something I really wish Ratha did#Because like... the structure is perfect for it.#And it's almost told that way with every book essentially introducing a new 'invention' or beast to tame#But unfortunately we're ''stuck'' with Ratha and her loser ass boyfriend.#(Ill die salty they didn't just let the nimravids be an aromantic species)#If i had a nickel for every time a xenofiction series about the stone age invented monogamy like a technological advancement...#id have 2 nickels.#which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice#also to be clear i love ratha still. Both the series and ratha herself this is not ratha hate tags#Bone babble#Anyway thank u
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Alice is an episode where you can tell they had absolutely no idea what they were doing with Tom at this point. his character kinda ran his course, so then they put him with B'Elanna, but then they got together and they clearly had no idea where to go from there, so he hasn't been around all that much, and then they decided to do an episode about him and they went "what does Tom like? cars? ships? what if he had a toxic relationship with a mommy domme personification of a ship" and then they wrote it and filmed it
#star trek: voyager#tom paris#insane episode#absolutely insane#its insane to me that they cant think of shit for Tom to do when theres a lot of story potential just with his daddy issues alone#or Tom and B'Elanna stories that explore their relationship more#or even more Tom and Harry episodes that explore their friendship#but yeah he really just kinda. runs his course and they stop doing shit with him#and then they put him with B'Elanna and that breathes some life into him#but now we're stagnating again#and will continue to stagnate until we get to B'Elanna being pregnant and Tom contending with the idea of fatherhood#they were just throwing spaghetti at the wall until something stuck with him
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IT ARRIVED IT ARRIVED IT ARRIVED
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DESPITE EVERYTHING DESPITE MY CHRONICALLY CURSED INTERNATIONAL MAIL PROBLEM I AM STILL THE ZONE RPG
#bakuspeech#and I guess this counts as#bakuspecial#ouuuuuu#my art! on cards! characters I kinda got to build with my visuals!!#also upon getting this which I had mailed to the senpai's place instead of mine in an effort to break the curse we immediately#ran a game. that was supposed to be short. but ended up extending past midnigt#AND had to stop for the night before act 2 even begins#but. its SO fun. the game pieces do just the right amount of heavy lifting for u that it frees u up to make up Real out there stuff#like. we ran a game on the browser version. and while it was also Really fun it got stressful to make stuff up#now if we're stuck we just pick up cards#and like. idk for kinda the first time really? I get the appeal of roleplaying with someone else#I'm usually such a control freak about the stories I tell lmao#with the visual aids in this set I get to imagine the character dynamics so much more easily#like this time around the senpai picked the scientist archetype#and he made that guy a white guy with some means who has been sending people to death to serve his science#and my character's an asian guy who was with a pest control service (yes I picked the trevor henderson character lmao)#who got drafted into the bureau and works as like cleanup/fodder#so immediately I got to go like oh so I hate your guts. and you condescend at me#which turned out to be a Very fun dynamic to roleplay lmao#throughout act 1 we've made this dynamic steadily Worse. one of them envies the other into oblivion#while the other can now communicate with No one except his mission partner#and we're gonna craft the second act as chase. a predator and a prey. gods. it was SO fun#its so funny both of them were touting to be smart or good at their job. and then they went into the zone and Immediately got fucked up#this game really gives u that satisfaction and fascination with like. when things go wrong in way too thematically fitting and messy ways#lmao my contract's fulfilled I do not have to talk this game up. its just really fun. man I enjoy that so much#sadly my pool of english speakers who can play this game with me is not big#I'll try and find time to run a few small games in the near future... maybe during lunar new year#I was over at the senpai's today to toast out birthdays lol. to get that out of the way we've been planning something like that for weeks#weve been both way too busy. with different sliding scales of uh. how pleasant that busy's been
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reasons not to leave food for the neighbourhood feral cats right in front of your downstairs neighbour's front door:
they will start to assume any food delivery left on the doorstep is for them and will chew it out of the bag and drag it across the yard if you don't get it in time (a considerable problem when your food delivery people are allergic to knocking on your door when they drop it off)
(to be clear, I am the downstairs neighbour, I do not feed the cats)
#lula's life#my roommate's food has been the first casualty#what makes this worse is that Every Feral Cat here is diseased#very visibly diseased#and thanks to some poor planning fuckery by the RSPCA we have absolutely nowhere to take these cats if we were even able to capture them#if we want to neuter them or if they need to be put down because they're too sick#we would have to pay for it#with money we really do not have#we're just kinda stuck with them hosting jellicle balls in our yard every night#rip the local bird population
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im never forgetting when i beat sv for the first time and got ed sheeran jumpscared
#you see tonight could go either way#hearts balanced on a razor blade#we are designed to love and break and to#rinse and repeat it all again#i get stuck when the worlds too loud and#things dont look up when youre going down#know your arms are reachin out from#somewhere beyond the clouds#you make me feel#like my troubled heart is a million miles away#you make me feel...#like im drunk on stars and we're dancing out into space#celestial#celestialllllllll#we were made to be#nothing more than this#finding magic in#all the smallest things#and we notice that#what really matters lets#make tonight go on and on and on#just for clarification: i dont like the song that much its just catchy
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i think i have problems and issues
#read this like 2014 interview with anthony green last night where he talks about dealing w heroin addiction and#there was a portion of the interview where he was like. i wasnt unsafe for my kids to be around but i was high around them i wasnt present#with them and im embarrassed to have not been more there with them.#and watched an interview call he did in like 2024#where he talks about wanting to give his kids “space to talk freely” that he didnt have as a kid...#and that he wants to make a space for them that's honest and open and where they can tell him about anything.#and how it's been important for him to come to terms with abuse he went through so that he can make sure they have the support and safety#they need#and its like.... head in my hands#[about to make this about my father issues]#i wish my dad had the ability to ***consistently*** be like. i'm embarrassed by the ways i acted around you and i want to be better for you#and i wish he had been able to really sit with and recognize how fucked some parts of his childhood were ... and ***consistently*** reflect#everything with him is so confusing and exhausting right now. it#it's so hard to articulate what i need from him.. but.#it fucking hurts to see anthony. whose music has gotten me through so much of the past two years—#which have been defined in large part by my understanding of my dad and relationship with him shifting dramatically—#talk in interviews about his mental health issues and wanting to be present with his kids and give them openness and#be honest with them about what's happened to him and how he wants them to be able to tell him about anything.#and know that. my dad wanted to give me and my little brother openness and safety too. but he was stuck i think in a lot of ways.#and now there's all this damage done. and i still can't count on him not to blame me or my little brother for his own actions.#i cant count on him to actually listen to me. and i tell him that and he tells me he's listening.#i can't count on him to not talk about the possibility that he kills himself around me or even to pick up on the fact that.#that's like. not something you put on your fucking kid.#i Know that when i step away from him‐ because i have trouble setting boundaries and being honest when we're close-#he feels like i'm abandoning him.#and . god. to have been told. by him and HIS THERAPIST. . that if we are to have a relationship. is to not DISAPPEAR .#just reinforces the part of me that feels wholly responsible for his emotional well-being. and im HIS SON.#and then to think that he tried to . dad-break-up with me over the summer and blamed me for 'deciding he's not trustworthy' after he was#after he was so controlling and hurtful to my mom and brother for years and rejected my gentle attempts to call him on it. like.#i wish he had been able to be more like the kind of parent anthony appears 2 b. i hope he can start learning now but hoping keeps hurting me
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Canto 6 was incomplete
Literally why are we there? Like, we just go to a manor that's in t-corp I guess. But why are we there? We've got another Heathcliff and he's cool but he just shows up pissed off for no reason and then we leave? Weird af. Nelly, Linton, and Josephine were cool and Hindley...existed. But it's a weirdly low number of supporting characters, and I guess that 1 really important and cool one could have made up for it but that didn't happen. Even the Mili song felt incomplete, like only 1/2 of it was there! Such an odd choice to make at the halfway mark for our 12 sinners. It just feels like a lot of stuff was missing and it's really sad because I was excited for Heathcliff's canto.
#canto 6 spoilers#limbus company#heathcliff#I really loved how much he loved *REDACTED*#this is a joke obv#I'll give my more thorough thoughts once I'm not drowning in work/got some time to remove myself from sheer HYPE mode#but overall? loved it. not as much as Canto 5 but Canto 5 just hit all of my favorite things.#and to be compared to Canto 5 is an unfair fate for anything. it'd be like comparing Aquaman to Dr. Manhattan it's just not how that works#at least not to me#I felt the lows of this chapter and resonated with them. I really liked most the characters (not Hindley though that's a personal thing)#and I'm sure that the 'Carmen shows up like the PS5 in our brain' moment probably kicks ass if you know who she is and why we care#which I did not so I didn't really get that. still a cool moment but it didn't hit like it did for other people.#final fight? a slog and tough and tbh kinda unfun at times. I think that kinda adds to it though. we're stuck in a horrible loop.#the initial fight against alternate Heathcliff was still the height of the canto for me. that kicked SO MUCH ASS and it was a good twist
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we have gotta actually finish the other account, it has been months and we want to tell revi that we're also plural hgkjgk
#''why not just tell him about this account'' faucet says no even though revi is so nice and lovely hgkjg#also we get sad too much on this account we need to subject this to as few people as possible. (<- voice of a guy full of symptoms.)#but if we finally finish the account we can do all that yayy and also our simply pIural! did we say we finally transferred our pk info over#its so funny because if you look at our fronting history We Are All Fronting hgkjg#we don't have the time or even the ability to fully distinguish and compartmentalize different facets‚ especially in the timespan of our#front switches which is!! often!! :P (<- this sentence alone had like. five.) and much less would we be able to log them accurately#by the time we'd note whimsy's fronting it'd already be rationale taking over there is no winning i think hgkjg </3#anD IT MAKES US ANGRY THAT YOU GOTTA. CHOOSE SOMEONE THAT A MESSAGE IS FROM. WE DON'T KNOW EITHER!! WE ALL TALK TOGETHER!!#okay we're not that mad that's just hackles. it is like. annoying though. we just made a ''voli'' member for all of us to talk through.#it's also like. we gotta say that mom's fronting before we can mark a message as read. like. she's /not/ fronting she's taking care of lili#but we promise she got the message man. we can mark it as read on her behalf. we share a stream of consciousness with the lady my god.#it's probably really helpful to other plurals but for us it is not optimal. that site is Not built for us but we still wanted to make one#because other plural friends use it :P we probably won't be using it much honestly.#what were we talking about. right finishing the tumblr. but also we are like. we have so much to do? who has the time honestly..#god it would be easier if we could like. give each of us individual physical forms and multitask. problematic as well obviously since we#don't work well apart from each other but goddamn we could finally get more done at least? curse of being parts stuck in the same body.#okay we gotta go finish an art thing goobye!
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The Glorious TRT Gift
I needed to make this one its own post specifically so I could link it on my TRT masterlist.
One of my highlights of going to the con was finally getting to meet with @wonderlandmind4, who I’ve been chatting with for ages after bonding over the fic. It was one of those friendships where you finally meet and you feel like you’ve always known each other. There is no awkward period, no ‘um who are you exactly’. Just boom, we’re hugging, we’re chattering, we’re getting kicked out of Panera because we lost track of time while talking and they’re closing, we’re exchanging friendship gifts. And there was one in particular that was very special. If you’ve been around on tumblr, then you may have seen my mentions of her teasing about whatever this TRT gift was. I know she told a couple other people at the con, but when she finally gave it to me, I was just... stunned, and I immediately teared up.
She'd created a funko display of black suit Matt and a custom Funko Jane she'd ordered. It was set above the streets of the Kitchen, complete with beautiful, glittering threads she'd made and attached herself, with the Hell's Kitchen skyline at night as the backdrop.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7ada67cb3c962116837e26431a24d3eb/7e0e281713f5d017-f6/s540x810/da6c08506813dcca3a3930e44a2a8619944e5d37.jpg)
Jane even has her key necklace, along with her leather jacket! Seriously, the fact that they have not just a red thread, but Matt also has his white thread signifying his love for his city, is just... perfection.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f77354516b7104177671815c49f18ca5/7e0e281713f5d017-1e/s540x810/6679dcbd7cb5adb95f3eb85b1ff14dca2157e72c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/17bc5475b3977eea72a828c2dd86f901/7e0e281713f5d017-7a/s540x810/f4ea36f2d69c4bbe0415b62bc9125e73f0c1fc1a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/488098ffda076455ace1951f51d21e2d/7e0e281713f5d017-85/s540x810/7ca88b77a860ceef67bf8d949e11414105ee2dee.jpg)
Girl, this is one of the wildest, sweetest, most thoughtful things I've been given and I have repeatedly teared up when proudly showing it to friends and family. My geek friends on my socials are literally losing their minds over it. I literally carried this in the Keanu Jesus tote bag with me every time I left the car on the ride home because I wanted to make sure nothing happened to it. The second I got home, I was rearranging the Matt Murdock shrine so I could set it up front and center. And I've been looking at it and touching it on and off all day, just stunned that someone loved TRT enough to make it. It is absolutely perfect and I love it so, so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 😭
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3a022ed5008d50fa1d66e72c19e6863b/7e0e281713f5d017-1d/s540x810/f9114da2f27095b63b20ce75f8d17a9de9aedc0d.jpg)
#the red thread#matt murdock#jane hind#daredevil#there is video of me opening my gift and getting choked up and just stuck on loop going 'oh my god' because like#i know we're like 'pasta lots of people love your story!' and it's a popular fic but like#every time fanart gets made whether it's a drawing or painting or bracelet or HOLY SHIT THIS#i just get really like... struck? and stunned and emotional and happy?#because yet again this was a fic#that i was told no one would read or like#i went into this assuming that i'd kinda be the only person that would ever love jane and matt and their story#i remember that feeling so viscerally#so to go from that to THIS#to making friends and meeting readers and charlie holding a red thread and now#NOW#me the funko lover#having a bff make me a custom funko display of matt and jane???#i'm really happy
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