#but posting fics on ao3 is….. such a pain????
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Day 44
It’s Day 44 and this absolute fucks with my rules a bit. Junko’s barely in this, and it’s far more prominently focused on Ibuki than it is Mikan. So I’d consider this one of the weakest days of the whole Project. Am I being unreasonable? Probably!
I do however have stories to tell, now granted on an older post on my main account I did tell this before, however it was cut down because it’s decently related to the fact that I ship Junkan, and that was a secret at the time.
So some of ya’ll probably know that I ship Mukuro x Sayaka x Ibuki, because I like to be in pain and what better form of agony is there than a Rare Pair so rare that by my count there are 3 pieces of fan material for the ship that weren’t made by me. One of them is fanart that existed before me, one of them is an AO3 fic you can only read with an account, and one of them was drawn by my girlfriend at my request. So what does that say about how fuckin’ Rare it is.
Anyway, the reason I came to this ship is because of a dream. I couldn’t tell you the full details from memory because it’s been awhile, but essentially there was a moment where Ibuki was talking to Junko on a video screen, and Junko was concerned for Ibuki’s safety. And while still dreaming I found myself confused because “Hey wait, I ship Junkan, not (Insert whatever the ship name for Ibuki x Junko is)”
So in the strangest stretch I ever made, I reasoned out that it was actually Mukuro disguised as Junko like in the original game. But then came the issue of “Wait, I’m an Ikuzono shipper!” for you see, for some reason when it comes to Danganronpa I can’t for the life of me Multiship. I can do that just fine with something like, RWBY for example, but Danganronpa? I find one ship that appeals to me, and I do not stray from the path, as if I'll be fucking cursed the moment I do. The only time this has ever gone differently is when I read like, two Maki x Kaede x Miu fics and realized “God dammit I love this” after years of being an Irumatsu shipper.
So i took the pain route and just made it a polycule.
And now I stare at myself in the mirror and just plead to the reflection “Why?” in the middle of the night . . . okay not actually but it’d be funny if that was true.
Anyway uh, oh right the art. I really liked drawing Mikan just being a gay little dweeb over Junko while Ibuki is just vibing like an axolotl (there’s a drawing idea.)
And don’t worry everyone! They won’t take away focus from our Star Couple, but my highly specific polycule will return in the future. Fear it’s impending return.
As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~
#danganronpa#junkan#junko enoshima#mikan tsumiki#enomiki#junko x mikan#tsumiki mikan#shipping#enoshima junko#junkomikan
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hey, it's my birthday! do you know what i would like for my birthday? comments! or alternately, if anyone wants me to do a DVD commentary-type breakdown of a fic/sections of a fic, that would be fun as well. check out my most recent stuff below or look at everything on ao3.
agatha all along
you open always petal by petal myself (agatha/rio; E)
rio and agatha and all the things you can do with broomsticks.
Rabbit Heart (señor scratchy, billy, rio, agatha, herb; T)
post-finale: what happens to scratchy?!?
Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight (agatha/rio; E)
two girls, some bondage, and centuries of antagonism: can i make it any more obvious?
a hundred miles through the desert repenting (agatha(/rio); T)
an alternate take on agatha's trial and punishment.
baby, tell me how bad you want it to sting (agatha/rio; E)
a little bit of hair porn. also some pain.
wheel of time (selected)
you give it all away (liandrin/lanfear(/moiraine); M)
lanfear explores liandrin's dreams.
greet each overture (moiraine/liandrin; M)
the liandrin/moiraine backstory we all needed.
when the time comes to let it go (moiraine/siuan; E)
a brief interlude at the hut in tear.
sweetbitter unmanageable creature (moiraine/siuan; T)
it's about the yearning.
how time advances (moiraine(/siuan); E)
moiraine, on the road, thinks about siuan.
and many more stories, mostly about women, here. would love to hear your thoughts or to share more of mine (if you want a DVD commentary, drop a chunk of text or a link into my ask box).
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do you have ao3? I wanna share ur fics but none of my jjk friends have tumblr😭😭
aaa hi anon !!!! 🥺🥺 i dooo have an ao3 acc but . only one of my fics is up there. and it’s not an x reader. i do eventually wanna post all my fics there but it just ……. feels like such a hassle 😭😭😭 it takes sm work just adding tags and making sure the formatting is fine….. i don’t really like writing on ao3. it stresses me out . (<- creature w a fragile brain structure)
anyway!! this is my ao3 acc but like i said, i only have one fic up atm !!!! maybe i’ll throw a couple good ones in there someday soon :’3 i’m kinda tempted to do it now but. my brain is a fickle creature so no promises….!!! sorry to disappoint you anon, i’m really happy that you’d want to share my fics w your friends!!!!! 🥺
#ao3 is just .#dont get me wrong i really love the Vibes#but posting fics on ao3 is….. such a pain????#for some reason??????#like even if i copy paste my fics there they’ll come out looking weird :’3#i don’t actually remember what the issue was i just remember that i posted one of my fics there and that it took a heinous amt of effort#……….#but . do kinda 👉👈 wanna know what ao3 nation thinks of my writing ….#i used to have my cult geto tea fic up there but i deleted it#anywayyy . maybe i’ll try throwing some of my fics in there today 🫡 wish me luck anon#ask tag ✩
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Me throughout 2020-2021-2022-2023:
Me the moment AO3 has been down for more than ten hours:
#someone put me out of my misery#i don't want to live on this planet anymore#mimi talks#GOOD THING THAT SOME AO3 WRITERS ALSO POST THEIR FICS HERE#HI. I LOVE YOU ALL#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#ao3#archives of our own#pain and suffering
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Friend: What are you doing right now?
Me: I have a lot of projects.
Friend: Oh so cool, what are those? New job, new business, new home, new relationship?
Me: Ok, I have a lot of SPN/Destiel projects.
#when I tell my friends that I have a lot of things to do#and not enough time to progress as I'd wish#I'm talking about time to do all the spn or destiel projects I want to do#like finishing to publish my first destiel au fic#work on my two other long wip#write the other hundreds of destiel fic ideas I have#draw more#I'd love to draw art that goes with the fics I already posted on AO3 just to set the mood#rewatch the whole show and write meta#read hundreds of fics#watch the cockles panels I'm late for#maybe I forgot some#too many things to do and so little time#I also have to find a new home so yeah here you go#I also have projects that don't involve spn or destiel#but it's a pain in the ass#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#my destiel fanfic#destiel fanart#spn rewatch#cockles#jenmish#destiel fanfiction#destiel fanfic#destiel fic
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me: damn i’m so excited for the weekend
coworkers: me too! got any fun plans?
me, sweating nervously: haha i guess
coworkers: nice! what are you up to?
me, really just looking forward to reading the weekly updates of my favorite fanfics: um. sleeping. and walking. yeah
#tbh for the most part#this post is about#Love For Hire#lucrow on ao3 this one is for you#i cannot even tell yall how much this fic has dominated my waking hours#then the weekend will come around#and the update is like. 15000 words long#this author is a god i swear#dead boy detectives#dbda#dead boy detective agency#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland#edwin x charles#edwin paine#dbda fanfic#dbda fic
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bftc jaytim fuck nasty in their batman suits🩷
CORRECT THEY DO. it's like you live in my brain, anon. and for that, you get a full fic bc i've wanted to write this anyway and you gave me an excuse to. have 6k words worth of dirtybadwrong JayTim. rough sex, blood play, pain play, degradation, consensual but not safe or sane, dead dove vibes so be warned. but also enjoy bc ily for this thought anon 🩷
“You look ridiculous in that get-up. Like a kid out for trick-or-treats.” The words were just as brutal as the fight was. Jason had the bodyweight and training to easily pin Tim, now that he was done toying around.
Of course, toying around for Jason Todd looked like bloody slashes across Tim’s back, base of his skull, and his forehead. Picking one of Bruce’s older suits may have been a bad idea on Tim’s part. The armor was thinner and easier for Jason to slash through with a batarang in a clenched fist.
Tim had managed to knock the batarang out of Jason’s hand, but that also seemed like a bad idea now, with Jason on top of Tim. His fists were even more brutal, blunt weapons and he’d reinforced the gloves to make his punches hit harder across Tim’s face.
There was blood pouring from Tim’s nose and mouth. With all the pain flaring across his body, it was hard for him to get a good read on if anything was broken or not.
All he knew was it hurt. His head spun from slamming against the concrete. It was hard for Tim to blink his eyes into focus. And when he did, he wished he hadn’t. Jason was leaning in so close, his mask was all Tim could see. Tim dizzily wondered how the glowing eyes didn’t impede Jason’s vision.
“Look at me,” Jason demanded. His voice was robotic behind the thick metal mouthpiece. One of his fists pulled back for another punch. “Do you see terror? Do you see fear? Or is it just your own reflection?”
By some miracle, Tim managed to catch the punch before it connected with his face. The muscles in his wrist and forearm screamed at the animalistic strength Jason pushed back with, inching his fist closer and closer to connecting. If it did manage to connect, Tim knew his own hand in the way wouldn’t do much to soften the blow. If anything, Jason would shatter Tim’s knuckles against his own nose.
Not a pretty thought.
“That mad I said no to being your Robin?” Tim wheezed. It was hard to get air in his lungs, with Jason perched on his chest, putting all his weight on Tim’s midsection.
Jason scoffed with cruel amusement. “You’re a second choice, Drake. It doesn’t matter to me if you say no, I can always ask the original. He’d at least put up a better fight than you’re managing.”
Tim couldn’t argue that. He thought he’d have some kind of chance in a fight against Jason, but it was a losing game to confront Jason on his turf, in a suit Tim wasn’t comfortable in. He was too stupid to even bring his bo staff.
A great Batman he was turning out to be.
With bloody teeth, Tim smiled. “You’re right. Is that why I’m your reflection, Jason? Two second rate Robins who will never be the original?” He managed a laugh against protesting ribs. “For what it’s worth, I still think I’m better than you. Least I didn’t die.”
He couldn’t see the look on Jason’s face, but he didn’t need to. The feral yell that came out of Jason spoke for itself at how well Tim got under his skin. Jason’s other fist came barreling toward Tim’s face, but he managed to move his head out of the way, making it only connect with the ground. Jason’s punch was hard enough to make the concrete crack.
Even with the reinforced gloves, that had to hurt. Maybe a couple cracked bones, if Tim was lucky. Jason couldn’t hit as hard if he injured himself.
That was a solid plan. If he’d actually planned it in the first place.
“Can’t believe I ever liked you, Drake,” Jason snarled, pulling his hand free from the concrete. He flexed his fingers just a bit too slow. He definitely hurt himself, even if he was trying to hide it. Jason went for his utility belt, grabbing another batarang.
“Flattering,” Tim deadpanned. He tried to elbow Jason in the neck, but Jason easily twisted away from the blow.
“I really did you know,” Jason said. Maybe it was the mask, but Tim could’ve sworn Jason’s tone changed slightly. “If Bruce hadn’t corrupted you, you really could’ve been something.”
Tim ignored the comment about Bruce. Bruce’s death was too raw for Tim to be able to look at his grief about it head-on. “Can’t say the feeling was mutual,” Tim grunted. He tried to slash his glove fins across Jason’s face. But Jason was smarter. He had a more durable suit that made the blow easily glance off.
Damn Tim for picking this suit. He idealized Bruce’s image too much and forwent practicality. He was paying for it now. A new suit would’ve had proper weapons worked into the wrists for Tim to easily flick out.
“I don’t know about that,” Jason mocked with a cold laugh. “Remind me again Drake, who broke me out of prison?”
He had a point.
“Real great job you’ve done repaying that kindness,” Tim muttered. He avoided addressing it directly. He didn’t owe Jason his reasons. Especially not with how they’d all blown up in his face.
“I never needed your kindness,” Jason growled. He wrapped a hand around Tim’s throat and pressed down just enough to make it uncomfortable for Tim to breathe. “That’s what all you Bats could never get through your skulls. I didn’t need to be Bruce’s pity project, and I definitely didn’t need to be yours.”
“Trust me,” Tim fought to get the words out, trying to worm his fingers under Jason’s grip. “You don’t have my pity.”
“What do I have, then?”
“My contempt.” The more Tim struggled, the tighter Jason’s grip got. The sharp points of his claws were starting to dig into Tim’s skin and draw blood. Blood flow was cut off from Tim’s brain and he fought to keep hold of his consciousness.
“Liar,” Jason hissed. “No one else is here, Tim. You don’t have to pretend and hide things from me I already know.”
Maybe passing out would be a good thing. Then, Tim would have a convenient reason for not answering Jason. A reason to not face the truth Jason wanted him to bare.
Tim knew that Jason probably knew. The way they’d looked at each other through the prison safety glass when Jason was locked up had a thousand unspoken words in just a shared smile. A promise, that maybe, if Jason cleaned himself up with this second chance, there could be something between them.
But Jason didn’t clean up. He flung himself in the opposite direction, if anything. A growing body count and an ugly reign of terror that was Tim’s job to stop.
He started this. He put misplaced faith in Jason. Tim’s bad judgment jeopardized Gotham.
And now Jason wanted the unspoken part said out loud. Something a part of Tim would rather die than admit after all this. They both already knew. Making Tim say it was just an obvious attempt to humiliate him and Tim refused to sink to Jason’s level.
All this over a stupid crush.
“Fine,” Jason continued when Tim didn’t say anything. “I’ll say it for you. You loved me.”
Tim made a face and twisted, finally forcing Jason’s hand free from his neck with a hard strike to his inner elbow. “It wasn’t love,” he insisted through grit teeth.
“What was it then?”
Tim didn’t say a word. He wasn’t going to give in to Jason’s cruelty.
“Tell you what,” Jason’s voice dropped low and almost sultry. “If you say it out loud, I’ll give you a free pass. No one will know.”
“A free pass?”
There was no way Jason was implying what Tim thought he was.
“Right here, right now.” Jason nodded. “Can’t say I’ll make it sweet, but something tells me you’re not the vanilla type anyway.”
Shit. He was implying that. Tim’s breath caught in his throat.
The answer should’ve been obvious.
The answer was obvious. Tim was laying in a growing pool of his own blood because of Jason. Countless people were dead because of Jason. Bruce’s legacy was being destroyed because of Jason. Whatever little crush Tim had once had was long gone and replaced with disgust and hatred.
Most of it was.
But some small piece of Tim clung to the way Jason grinned at him. And that small piece of him seemed to be steering the rest of him, making him hesitate on what should’ve been an easy answer. An easy chance to catch Jason off guard and get the upper hand in the fight.
Tim hoped the cowl hid enough of his face that his expression wasn’t readable.
“Over my dead body,” Tim forced the words out, pulling himself back into reality. Praying Jason wouldn’t read into the pause.
Jason’s body shifted. He was quiet for a moment, then he shrugged and brought the batarang clenched in his fist to Tim’s neck, easily finding the jugular. “So be it. I agree anyway. Killing you is the best way to cut this goddamn feeling out of me.”
“What feeling?” Tim frowned, fingers twitching as he stalled, trying to think of a real plan.
“No, no.” Jason shook his head and laughed. It was a hollow sound, this time. “You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. If you won’t say it, then I won’t either.”
Oh.
“You…” Tim sucked in a breath. He was on death’s edge, a blade to his neck, but somehow it was the furthest thing from his spinning mind. “You like me? Like that?” He said it like a stupid high schooler, too shy to even look their crush in the eye.
“What difference does it make now?” Jason shifted his weight on Tim, bearing down more. “This was always how it was going to end, between us.”
“It makes all the difference,” Tim said. He didn’t know why it did. But he knew it did. Tim reached a hand up, but instead of going for Jason’s batarang, he went further. His fingers reached under his own cowl and tugged it off, baring his face to Jason.
Vulnerability. A metaphorical white flag, surrendering to Jason.
Tim was dangerously close to getting himself killed. He could feel it, in his beating heart and overflowing adrenaline.
“I would’ve come at this from a different angle if I knew…” Tim started, before trailing off. They were still dancing around saying it directly.
Jason barked out another laugh. “Oh, would you? What, you would’ve come to talk instead of fight? You really think that would’ve worked?”
“Maybe-“
“I told you,” Jason’s grip on the batarang tightened, “I don’t need your fucking pity.”
“And you don’t have it,” Tim snapped back. Too angry. This angle was quickly slipping away from him. Shit. “You’re a psychopathic killer and I don’t know if you can ever been redeemed after what you’ve done. But I would’ve tried out of love, not pity, you sanctimonious asshole.”
Jason stuttered. He leaned back and breathed hard. Tim really wished he wasn’t wearing that stupid mask. “You said it wasn’t love.”
Tim took in a deep breath, and let himself fall over the ledge he’d been trying so hard to cling to since Jason pinned him. “I lied.”
For a moment, Tim was convinced he’d just sealed his own coffin. Whatever Jason’s feelings were, it didn’t seem like they were any particular deterrent to hurting Tim. He was inches away from killing Tim and leaving his body for someone else to find.
If they found Tim’s body at all.
But instead. Instead, Jason reached up and ripped the metal part of his mask off, tossing it aside to skitter off into the darkness.
And he kissed Tim.
Tim let out the breath he was holding against Jason’s mouth. And in turn, Jason breathed him in, greedy with his kiss. The batarang was kept firm against Tim’s throat, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Jason was kissing him.
There was still the logical side of him screaming just how bad of an idea this was. All the reasons he could think of to not tangle with Jason were running circles across his mind.
Tim ignored them and kissed Jason back.
Jason tasted like metal and he smelled like gunpowder. Both of those things made sense and made Tim want more. He wanted every single part of Jason he could drink up, even from a single kiss. Jason’s tongue was in his mouth, licking and opening Tim up. They shared each other’s blood through the kiss, until Tim couldn’t tell whose was whose.
The kiss was broken by Jason just as suddenly as it was started. Jason pulled back and raised the batarang. Panic flashed through Tim and he instinctively threw his hands up to cover his face and neck.
The batarang slashed through Tim’s suit though, thankfully not giving him what might’ve been the stupidest death in the history of vigilantism. Jason didn’t seem to care about making sure the cut didn’t get Tim’s skin, though. Shallow wounds sprang across Tim’s skin and he hissed, watching Jason turn the suit to ribbons. The batarang was then tossed aside so Jason could rip off the suit as he leaned back.
The bat symbol on Tim’s chest stayed in tact, but everything below it was ripped away, exposing him from his abs down to his thighs. Jason knew exactly how to unclip the utility belt and throw that aside, with the shreds of fabric.
Cold air hit Tim’s most private areas. He wanted to cover himself, but he couldn’t get his hands to obey. His entire body was paralyzed under Jason’s gaze.
“Take off your mask,” Tim found his voice, rough and not sounding like himself.
Jason wore a cruel smirk. “No.” He did take off his gloves, though. Tim didn’t hide his sigh of relief. He didn’t want those claws on his skin. He was bleeding enough as it was.
The moment Jason’s hands were bare, he ran them over Tim’s skin. Tim hissed and flinched, but didn’t pull away. He let Jason’s warm hands claim his skin. Jason wasn’t kind or gentle. He smeared Tim’s blood around, exploring every bare inch. Tim’s stomach, his hips, his back, his legs.
Jason curled a hand around Tim’s dick and Tim’s back arched.
To be fair, this wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured sleeping with Jason. Still, he couldn’t find it in him to complain.
Jason jerked Tim off rough and fast. The blood on his hand was slick enough to make a smooth glide over the callouses of his palm. Tim groaned, eyes fluttering shut. He bucked into Jason’s hand. As much pain as his body was in, the pleasure was too distracting for him to care. Tim choked on every breath he managed to take in, unable to stop himself from crying out and whining.
His body was screaming at him because of what Jason had done to him. And now, he was letting himself fall apart to Jason’s hands in a different way.
“If Grayson found us, he’d think I was fucking torturing you from all the pathetic noises you’re making,” Jason growled. He barely sounded human. He slid his other hand up Tim’s chest and grabbed Tim’s face, stroking his cheek.
Tim groaned at the thought. He forced his eyes to open just so he could look at Jason. He really wished Jason would take the cowl off. Tim wanted to see Jason’s face more than anything.
“Don’t bring him up,” Tim gasped, practically humping Jason’s hand for more delirious pleasure. “I don’t want to think about him now.”
At least he could see Jason’s smirk. “Why? Because you know he’d disapprove?”
“Because I want to think about you.” Tim tried to grab at Jason’s suit to pull it off. His hands were clumsy and shaky though, probably from blood loss. All he could do was uselessly press them against Jason’s chest and feel the warmth through layers of armor.
“Fuck,” Jason groaned. His whole body shuddered, affected by Tim’s words alone. Jason stopped jerking Tim off so he could unclip his belt. He kept his other hand against Tim’s face though. Stroking it. “Least I know why you broke me out of prison, now.”
Tim made an aghast noise. “This is not why I broke you out of prison.”
Jason leaned in close, resting his face against Tim’s. “You still broke me out. So all my blood is on your hands too, Tim.” He pressed a kiss against Tim’s temple. “Bruce wouldn’t have been stupid enough to do that. Hell of a Batman you make.” It was like he had crawled into Tim’s brain just to voice all the awful little thoughts that Tim tried to bury.
“You-“ Tim tried to snap back, but he was distracted by the sound of Jason undoing a clasp, then a zipper. Tim looked down and watched, breath caught in his throat, as Jason pulled his cock out of his pants.
He was already hard.
Jason’s hand smeared blood across his member. Tim swallowed at the sight. Jason had pushed his pants down just enough to expose a sliver of pale skin. He had a sharp v-line and toned muscles just from the bit Tim could see. An embarrassing noise came out of Tim’s throat.
“Pathetic,” Jason said, but he groaned on the word, working his hand over himself. It was filthy. Both of them, covered in blood, and Jason jerking off on top of Tim.
Tim wrapped an arm around Jason. He wanted to sink his fingers into Jason’s hair, but he settled for wrapping them around the back of Jason’s cowl. Tim seriously considered trying to pull the cowl off himself, but he doubted Jason would take kindly to it.
The noises Jason made as he pleasured himself were beautiful. Tim’s sounds were animalistic and, in Jason’s own words, pathetic. Barely human sounding. But Jason. Jason sounded practically divine, low and smooth as he moaned in Tim’s ear.
“Please,” Tim gasped. He wasn’t sure what he was asking for.
“That desperate?” Jason downright purred.
Tim didn’t hold himself back from nodding. He swallowed down his dignity.
If he had any dignity left.
“I’m not going to be gentle,” Jason warned. Like he was giving Tim one last chance to back out.
Tim just laughed. “If you think I want you to be gentle, you really don’t know a thing about me.”
A guttural groan came out of Jason. He pulled back and lifted one of Tim’s legs, bending it as far back as he could. Tim wasn’t quite as flexible as Dick was, but Jason got pretty far before Tim’s muscles protested and he winced.
“Of course you shave down there,” Jason commented. He slid a hand over Tim’s smooth skin around his cock and balls.
“I don’t like pubes getting caught in my suit,” Tim huffed, trying not to let his cheeks go red.
“Don’t worry,” Jason hummed, “I think it’s cute. Makes you look like a fucking virgin.”
“I’m not.” Like it mattered.
Jason paused, just staring at Tim. Was he disappointed? It was hard to tell. “I’m going to ruin you for anyone else, so it doesn’t matter either way.” Whether or not he was disappointed was masked with a rough, possessive anger that made Tim gasp.
Rough fingers ran over the shallow cuts on Tim’s stomach and he hissed at the sudden sharp pain. It wasn’t easy to ignore the dull throbbing when Jason was practically fingering the open wounds. Tim almost asked what the hell he was doing, before he realized Jason was smearing blood across his fingers, getting them slick and coated.
“Seriously? You’re going to use my own blood to fuck me?” Tim asked, like just the thought of it wasn’t making him spread his legs wider. Still, the idea of cleaning tacky blood out of himself did make Tim internally cringe.
“You got a better idea?” Jason shot back.
“I think there’s lube in-“
“No.” Jason cut him off, pressing harder into the cuts just to make Tim wince. “We’re doing it my way, or I just leave you in a pool of your own blood with a hard-on.”
“Okay.” Tim caved instantly with a hushed whisper at the rough dominance.
It was so easy, for Jason to take complete control of Tim. He was putty in Jason’s hands, content to be manipulated however Jason wanted, so long as Tim got his own pleasure out of it. If Jason wanted Tim to bleed, he would bleed. If he wanted Tim to be spread open and ready to be fucked, then Tim would give him that too.
Christ. He needed to be checked out mentally after this.
Jason gave Tim a pleased hum, probably the closest thing to praise Tim was going to get out of him. He’d take it. Blood slick fingers pressed against Tim’s hole. Two fingers were forced in at once, hard and fast.
Tim screamed.
He didn’t expect Jason to be gentle, but it seemed like Jason was going out of his way to be rough. Scrapping his nails against Tim’s insides and brutally twisting his fingers around. He didn’t try to hit Tim’s prostate to bring any kind of pleasure. The brushes of his fingers over that spot were more painful than pleasurably, if anything. Fast and rough, giving Tim no chance to soak up the sparks of sensation from the bundle of nerves.
“Oh god,” Tim groaned, throwing his head back. His hips twitched violently, like they weren’t sure to press into Jason’s fingers for more, or to try to pull away from the horrible assault.
It’d been a while since Tim had been in this much pain. So battered from a fight that every movement of his body was weak and shaky. He grabbed onto Jason’s arm, desperate for an anchor. He couldn’t have pulled Jason off of him, even if he wanted to.
He didn’t, though. Tim wanted this to last as long as it possibly could.
He never got to drown himself in the pain. Pain was something that had to be compartmentalized and ignored, for the sake of the mission. Getting back on his feet and ignoring the way his body screamed at him was one of the first things Bruce taught him.
Now, Tim didn’t have to fight it. He could just give in. The half-hearted instincts from his body trying to fight back were ignored by Jason. Like Jason knew that Tim wanted this.
Needed this.
At some point, Jason must’ve worked a third finger inside of Tim. He didn’t notice. The burning stretch swirled with every other point of pain on his body.
He did noticed when Jason finally decided to purposefully press against Tim’s prostate.
This pleasure was new. Foreign and overstimulating with how aggressively Jason pressed down on the spot, rubbing into it to pull all kinds of noises out of Tim he didn’t know he was capable of making.
“Jason!” Tim cried out. “Fuck, too much, I can’t-“ Tim’s stomach was cramping from how hard his muscles clenched. He was falling, losing his grip on sensible reality. His head was full of cotton, foggy and unable to get a solid grip on coherent thought.
There were only three things that existed to Tim: pain, pleasure, and Jason.
“You can’t what? Use your fucking words,” Jason mocked, vicious and uncaring. He rested Tim’s leg over his shoulder to free up his other hand. His fingers wrapped around Tim’s balls and tugged. Tim screamed and arched like a jack knife. He hadn’t noticed how close his orgasm was creeping up on him until Jason pulled it away with a brutal, carnal pain. When Tim lost control of his body, Jason found it and snatched it up, holding Tim’s pleasure in his palm. Tim wanted to curl in on himself, but he couldn’t force his limbs to obey.
“Hurts,” was all Tim could groan out. He might’ve been crying. It was hard to tell, with his face so wet with blood.
“Good.”
“Jason,” Tim tried to beg. He was lost to subspace, something he barely realized until now. “I can’t take anymore.” He wanted more. More than want, god, he needed more, but his body was wired so tight Tim was convinced he was going to snap if Jason kept going.
He wanted that too.
“That’s not for you to decide.” Jason’s rough voice was a light at the end of a tunnel Tim was struggling toward to ground himself. To focus on something besides the agony crashing over his body in brutal waves. “Do you really think you’re in the fucking state to know what you can take?”
Jason was right. Tim just whined, a noise that turned into a choked sob when Jason pulled his fingers out just enough to slam them into Tim’s sweet spot again, overwhelming him with more awful pleasure.
“Give yourself over to me,” Jason demanded. He leaned in close again. Tim’s vision was blurred, but he could smell the gunpowder and leather. “Say it. Say I own you.”
Tim wanted to. He tried, opening his mouth and struggling to get the words out. He could only make more pathetic noises.
“Say it, or I’ll stab you and leave you to fucking bleed out.”
He probably wasn’t lying.
“You-“ Tim choked on the word, shaking so hard his muscles were spasming. “You own me.” Three little words, and they were the hardest words Tim had ever tried to say. Each one fought against him, getting stuck in his throat.
But he said them. Because right now, they were the only religion Tim believed in.
“Look at that,” Jason cooed. So patronizing. “You’re not completely brainless and worthless. Yet, anyway.” He pulled his fingers out of Tim. One second those fingers had been driving Tim mad because they were inside of him, and now they were driving him mad because they left him empty and wanting.
His body needed more. More pain, more pleasure. Until he broke and Jason fucked the shattered pieces left of Tim.
Jason got a hand underneath Tim, using the blood from the gash on Tim’s back to slick his fingers this time. That gash was far deeper. Something that probably needed stitches. It had started trying to clot but Jason agitated it enough for fresh blood to pour out. He was able to actually work his fingers under Tim’s bloody skin, making Tim shriek and try to pull away.
There was nowhere for him to escape from the mind-numbing pain. When he pulled away, he just crashed into Jason’s chest, forehead bumping against the bat symbol of Jason’s suit.
“So fucking easy to push your buttons,” Jason laughed. He moved his fingers around a bit more just to make his point and pull more wounded noises out of Tim. Then he finally pulled them free and let Tim fall back to the hard ground. It knocked the wind out of Tim.
He didn’t have a chance to try to get air into his lungs. Because Jason slicked himself up with a disturbing speed and lined up. The warning of blunt pressure against Tim’s hole lasted a fraction of a second and then Jason snapped his hips. Buried to the hilt.
Tim almost passed out.
He didn’t know if it was from the pain, the blood loss, or his body’s inability to get oxygen into his lungs. Everything exploded inside of Tim. He was full, so full so fast. Jason’s fingers hadn’t been nearly kind enough to properly stretch Tim for Jason’s size. It almost felt like being stabbed.
Over and over, as Jason fucked into Tim with no kindness.
A hard slap across Tim’s face forced him off of the edge of unconsciousness. He gasped, eyes snapping open to find Jason’s face right above his, the glowing eyes of the mask taking over Tim’s field of vision.
Jason was smiling. Blood on his teeth, dripping out of his mouth. Was it his blood or Tim’s?
Tim hoped it was both.
“I don’t know which Bruce would find more pathetic,” Jason groaned as he fucked into Tim, pulling small screams out of Tim with each punch of his cock, “you putting on that suit, or you letting me fuck you in it.” He brought his lips to Tim’s ear. “Who’s ruining his legacy now?”
If the physical pain wasn’t bad enough, Jason knew exactly how to rip open the wounds of Tim’s emotional pain alongside it. Tim cried out at the thought.
What would Bruce think of him, like this? Pathetic and barely human underneath Jason Todd?
“And they call me the failed Robin,” Jason just kept talking, like he wasn’t destroying Tim from the inside out. “At least I know how to be something other than Robin. Are you really delusional enough to think you’re going to be the next Batman?” A long moan came out of him and he thrust even harder until Tim screamed loud enough to make himself dizzy. “Answer me.”
Tim just shook his head. “No.” His voice was broken. His throat was sore from screaming, but the word still came out. He’d never thought he really could be Batman. So what the hell was he thinking, putting this suit on?
“Good.” Jason slid his fingers under the bat symbol on Tim’s chest, one of the only parts of the suit in tact. He ripped it off, the fabric tearing loudly in Tim’s ears. “It’s good you know your fucking place.” Jason changed his angle, finding Tim’s battered prostate again. Tim didn’t have the air in his lungs to scream anymore. All he could do was weakly mewl and whimper.
He could die like this. He honestly might. Tim had no idea how his body was holding on, in this state. Maybe it was the pain and pleasure alone keeping him alive. Just so he could soak up every touch from Jason.
Tim was never going to allow himself to do this again. So he had to enjoy it while it lasted.
This time, Tim felt his orgasm creeping up on him. His fingers dug into Jason’s arm and he pressed up into Jason’s warmth. The material of Jason’s suit was rough and unforgiving. It didn’t feel particularly good for Tim to grind his cock against, but he didn’t care. He needed any kind of friction, whether it brought him pleasure or road rash.
“I won’t stop if you come,” Jason warned, still hammering into Tim at a pace that should’ve been impossible for a normal human to manage. “This isn’t to make you feel good. It’s to put you in your fucking place.”
Tim could only whine, managing a nod of understanding. This was his place. He knew that. He never wanted to leave it.
The threat of being fucked into overstimulation hung over Tim’s head, but he couldn’t stop himself from chasing the high of his orgasm. He almost wanted to feel the overstimulation. Like his orgasm was just something to get over with so Tim could completely give himself over to Jason. To be used just for Jason’s pleasure, even if it brought him nothing but more pain.
That thought made Tim’s balls tighten. The only warning he could give Jason was a high pitched keen that barely sounded like Tim’s own voice. His eyes rolled back.
The pleasure of his orgasm didn’t overtake the screaming pain in the rest of his body. It just mixed with the pain, swirling into one intense feeling Tim didn’t have a name for. He screamed until his throat gave out. His back arched and he clenched around Jason, who kept driving into him. Jason growled in Tim’s ear. He was holding Tim’s hip so tight there would be bruises that would end up indistinguishable from the rest of Tim’s injuries.
All injuries that Jason gave Tim. Tim’s body was a canvass, and Jason’s favorite color to paint with was the red that poured out of Tim.
It was the best orgasm Tim had ever felt. No feeling was ever going to match this intensity.
Tim came down from his high with an awful wheeze, shuddering. He clung to Jason, like a guard dog laying at the feet of his master.
“Fuck,” Jason moaned. A shudder ran down his spine and his pace faltered, just for a moment. “You’re really something else, Drake.” From Jason, that was practically a compliment for Tim to soak up and preen under.
Tim’s body tipped over the edge of overstimulation. His survival instincts kicked in, trying to fight Jason. There was no strength behind his kicks and hits. They just made Jason laugh as Tim made a fool of himself.
“I own you,” Jason reminded Tim. He caught Tim’s wrist and pinned it against the cold concrete, squeezing tight enough to cut off circulation to Tim’s fingers. “I can do whatever I want to your useless body. Don’t try to fight it now.” He leaned down and found an exposed part of Tim’s neck to sink his teeth into. It wasn’t a hickey, but a proper bite, breaking Tim’s skin.
Tim cried out, but still tilted his head to the side to give Jason better access to his neck. Even when his body wanted to fight, Tim managed to submit. Like the submission was natural to him.
The pain took over. Tim just floated in it, forcing himself to go limp. Submit. No more fighting. He gave in to Jason and stopping thinking. All Tim needed to do was feel. Feel every point of agony scattered across his body. Feel Jason fucking him. Using him, like Tim was nothing more than a toy. The sparks from Jason slamming into his sweet spot couldn’t be called pleasure anymore, with Tim’s cock spent and limp. It was more pain.
Better that way. Tim liked the pain more. Delicious and mind-numbing.
Jason was swearing against Tim’s skin. He mumbled something Tim didn’t catch. Three syllables. Short and rushed out. Tim was almost convinced the second word was love. Maybe he was making it up in his head though, finally lost in utter delirium.
Tim didn’t care.
More insults fell from Jason’s lips. Calling Tim nothing, worthless, pathetic. A cheap pretender who deserved this. Tim agreed with all of it, feverishly nodding. The words were practically sweet nothings in Tim’s ears.
Jason yelled Tim’s name when he came. His hips stuttered to a stop, buried deep inside of Tim. He knew Jason was coming inside of him, but his body was too battered to feel Jason’s cum filling his insides. Shame that was. Tim wanted to know how it felt, to be claimed by Jason in this carnal way.
They were both so perfectly still, for two people who had been shaking and clawing at each other just moments ago. The only noise was heavy breathing that echoed through the night.
Tim swallowed. He tried to find himself through the pain. He worked through the body checklist that Bruce gave him. Vision. Smell. Taste. Feel. Sound. All the sensations clashed against each other, out of focus and pounding against Tim’s skull.
It was so hard to think.
Tim groaned. Focus.
Like cold water thrown on his face, he clawed his way out of subspace. Tim got a good look at Jason’s face.
“Are you crying?” Tim voiced the thought as soon as it crossed his mind.
With the mask, it was hard to tell. Jason’s breathing was shuddered, hitching on every inhale. Tim wouldn’t call it sobbing, but it was close enough for Tim to study Jason’s face. The wetness coming out from under Jason’s mask wasn’t red. It streaked through the blood.
Tear tracks.
Jason’s completely rational response was to punch Tim in the face.
Tim swore and curled in on himself, cupping his nose. If it wasn’t broken before, it was now. Jason pulled out of Tim without any care and stood up, leaving him curled up on the ground, trying to set the broken bone and manage the bleeding.
Tim tried to sit up. His arms and legs gave out under him and he slammed back to the ground with a pained noise. He looked up at Jason, squinting. Watching as Jason tucked himself back into his pants, then snatched his gloves off the ground to put them back on.
Despite clearly losing the fight, Tim had done a number on Jason. Jason’s face was bloody and his suit was ripped and torn in some places. He looked like he had been mauled by a wild animal.
If that was how Jason looked, Tim couldn’t imagine what the sight of his own body was.
His second attempt to sit up worked. Now, he compartmentalized. Forced the pain deep into the corners of his mind and locked it up.
Tim had to be functional now. He couldn’t let the regret and shame get to him.
“I-“ Jason started to say something. It was only one word, but it sounded uncharacteristically soft, making Tim straighten his back and hold his breath. But Jason cleared his throat and folded his arms, stamping down whatever kindness had almost come out. “I’ll throw you a bone. If any of the Bats find you like this you can just tell them I raped you,” he said it like some kind of mean joke.
Tim didn’t say anything. That wasn’t true. They both knew it.
“Preserve your precious dignity you care so much about, huh?” Jason continued. He sounded unsure of himself and he turned away from Tim.
“Jason-“ Tim reached out for him. “We can still-“ he struggled for the words. “It doesn’t have to end like this. You can still change. I’ll-“
“Don’t,” Jason snapped. He kicked away Tim’s hand. “We both know it’s too late for that.” He started to walk away. “Never wear that suit again, Drake. I’d hate to see you die to someone that isn’t me.” He almost sounded… protective? Tim wouldn’t call it fondness, but maybe something close to that. Tim refused to allow himself to read into it. Whoever Jason Todd had become, he was someone that Tim couldn’t save. He was someone who didn’t want to be saved, no matter how Tim felt about him. Tim had to accept that, even with Jason’s cum deep inside him. Some truths were immutable.
Then, Jason was gone. Vanishing into the shadows and leaving Tim there.
Tim tilted his head back. He allowed himself thirty seconds. He counted them. Thirty seconds to sit in his own filth and feel the pain for just a little longer, before he had to move and figure out how he was going to get home in one piece without anyone finding out what happened here.
Just ten more seconds.
Five.
Three.
One.
With grit teeth and a deep breath, Tim stood up.
#necrotic writings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#jason todd x tim drake#timjay#dead dove do not eat#battle for the cowl#cross posted on ao3#batcest#sorry this sat in my inbox for a couple days anon#i was like 'hehe i'll write a lil pwp for this'#and it ended up over 6k words. god help me.#this is proof that if you send an idea to my inbox there is a good chance i will just write you a fic.#you might have to wait a couple days but i will come for you with food and chaos.#anyway this is a smidge dark as a fic fair warning#bc idk how else to write them fucking during bftc 2#masochist tim drake you will always be famous to me#once again wasn't gonna put this one on ao3 bc i felt it was gonna be too short for that effort#then it goes and ends up this long.#my partner always laughs at me when i do this. bc i keep doing it.#pls enjoy <3 i wrote most of this while in a lot of pain so#me and tim were twinning there.#while posting this my roommate's kitten used me as a jungle gym. she's my editor in chief.
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part 1
“Waiting for the other shoe to drop”, while pessimistic, seemed to be a running theme in Charles Rowland’s life. It wasn’t really a phrase he heard when he was alive, to be fair, but at some point he’d come across it (probably hanging out with too many Americans, but can’t remember for sure) and it felt a little too much accurate. His dad’s come home angry again? Time to wait for the fallout. He’d gotten written up at school for not paying attention? Just a disaster waiting to happen. He goes against his best mate’s advice? There he goes, literally torn from Charles’s arms and back to hell, just as he’d said. Maybe the last one was a little dramatic, but that’s the gist.
The looming anxiety of it all usually slid off of him for the minor stuff, and was otherwise bottled up and shoved far away for the heavier stuff, but regardless he didn’t let it show. Have to keep up appearances and all. He’d only had one real instance of all those emotions blowing up (and he still blames the Night Nurse for all that mess) so he thought he was doing a bang-up job keeping himself together.
That was until his dad died. Yeah, it was rough, and he ended up berating the old man on his death bed, which probably was a shitty thing to do. And yeah, he’d needed a bit of a cry afterwards. So what? Blokes cried sometimes, and he was man enough to admit to his emotions and all that. The girls had done a good job of emphasising that he (and, mostly, Edwin) needed to express their emotions more. That it was healthier to let it out than bottle it all up. Not sure if they still needed healthy habits as ghosts, but it wasn’t hurting anyone. Just a little uncomfortable.
All that to say, it felt like his friends had been treading on eggshells around him ever since his dad died. Which was infuriating, yeah, but also didn’t make sense to him. Especially after he’d already cried—did they expect him to get angry again? To blow up over a dead man? He thought he’d gotten it out of his system just fine, so getting these weird vibes was starting to stress him out more than anything. He’d resolved to bring it up on their next movie night and ask why they were acting funny—didn’t want to mess up a case, after all.
However, he didn’t get the chance before it all came crashing down on his head. Ultimately, Edwin was the messenger.
“Charles, I—“ he took an unnecessary breath, “Have you checked on your mother lately?”
His undead heart went cold, but his default smiley ways were still stuck on, “Not really, why?”
Edwin’s eyes were sad, which was never good. He didn’t emote unless it was serious, “I think you need to visit her. She’s not faring well.”
And so they went. Turns out everyone hadn’t been waiting for Charles to blow up, but rather for his mother to pass and then for him to break down all over again. Edwin had been checking on her daily since his father’s passing, deducing correctly that Charles would be too swept up in the emotions around his dad dying to remember that his mum wasn’t getting any younger.
The girls weren’t free until the evening, but they promised to stay in touch and maybe visit later if they could (particularly if they could figure out how to visit the Hospice without rousing suspicion). And so Edwin and Charles were on their own.
Charles had rushed into the room, as if running at the issue would evade the emotions of it, or as if getting there quickly would reveal it was all a lie—neither of which were true.
Instead, he was face to face with a dying woman with some resemblance to the photo on the mantle in the house he grew up in—his grandmother, or maybe his great grandmother, or some favourite aunt, he couldn’t remember anymore— hair gone fully white, pulled back into a tight bun so as to keep her curls controlled, keeping her gaunt, sleeping face exposed. Unlike that photo, this woman was in a hospital gown, tucked into sterile sheets, with a tube under her nose to help her breathe. Gone were her usually loud and ornate earrings, her bare fingernails stained from years of colour. There was a singular blanket laid across her lap, on top of the sheets, that almost looked more familiar than the woman it covered. It was her, but apparently he hadn’t stopped to just look at her any time recently, if ever. It felt too much like looking at a ghost, as ironic as that felt.
She was awake, but halfway to dozing. There was someone at her side, adjusting the blanket and murmuring reassurances in what was definitely Punjabi. It had been so long since he’d heard it, added to having never properly learned anything besides English under the threat of his father, that he couldn’t make out the words. That realisation left a stinging feeling in his chest.
“A relation of yours?” Edwin asked at a whisper, coming up to stand beside Charles, almost entirely copying his position from that fateful hospital room. It didn’t seem as if either of the room’s living occupants had noticed them.
Charles blindly reached for Edwin’s hand for comfort, not looking away from the scene in front of him and matching his partner’s volume, “No idea. Don’t think I’ve seen them before.”
Edwin hummed, “Perhaps a little too young to have met you. Or someone your mother reconnected with recently—“
“I’m not really in the mood for deductions, love.” Charles said, not unkindly. Everything felt too fragile to be picked apart like that.
“Right. Apologies.” Edwin squeezed his hand and went quiet.
Charles squeezed his hand back in forgiveness, joining in the silence. He kept going back to what the stranger was saying, familiar consonants both soothing and devastating. What kind of a son was he, failing to comfort his dying mother, unable to speak her mother tongue, a stranger to his relatives? His tears were thankfully silent.
It took much longer for his mother to see them than his father. Several days passed, with the mystery relative coming and going more days than not, and the usual nurses and caregivers administering various care. Over time, the boys (the girls couldn’t figure out how to enter the space, but were supportive from their distance) had learned that the stranger’s name was Sangeeta, and she was a niece of his mother’s who’d noticed her steady decline and was the one to take her to hospital and then to hospice care. Charles’s mother had apparently stopped taking care of herself after her husband’s death, and she had refused other care, so at this point all they could do was make her comfortable. Charles spent a whole morning ranting to Edwin about it, how unfair it was that her life was so tied up in his asshole father’s that she wasn’t even trying to live after he was gone. Edwin, the deeply kind person he was, had let Charles rant until he ran out of steam, then gently pointed out that she’d been under the thumb of his father for far longer than Charles was, and that she’d now had to mourn her husband and her only child, which presumably takes a toll. Charles had started crying before Edwin had even finished talking, and Edwin had held him close on the plush sofa for the rest of the day.
It was hard to tell if it was a comfort or not when she finally saw them, but Charles decided that wasn’t important to think about right now, if ever. Right now, his mother could see him for the first time in forty years, and they didn’t know for how much longer. And yet, with all this time to prepare, he still found himself speechless when the time finally came.
“Mere laal,” She beat him to the punch, eyes glazed over but clearly locked on Charles, “I am glad to see you again, beta. It’s been so long.”
Charles let out a shakey breath, “Hi, mum. It’s—well— it’s been longer for you. I’ve visited a few times, over the years.”
She reached out a sinewy hand on a bone-thin arm, and Charles flew to the seat by her side, keeping his focus to make sure his hand stayed solid in her grasp. He vaguely noticed Edwin taking the seat beside him.
“Such a handsome boy. You were so young.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
Charles, all anxious energy and nerves, tears of his own threatening to spill, was quick to respond, “It’s alright, mum, I’m alright. No need to cry over me.”
She huffed, “Nonsense. You were the light of my life. Who else should I cry over?”
They were both crying at this point, tears streaming as they sniffled in turns. Edwin laid a careful hand on Charles’s back in a show of comfort.
However, that seemed to give Charles an idea, “No, really mum, it’s okay! See the bloke next to me? His name’s Edwin, and he’s been by my side all these years! He’s the one who first found me, and we’ve been helping people ever since. It’s been aces. Not sad one bit.”
Edwin stiffened at the mention, then all but froze when her eyes turned to him. He knew he looked night and day from Charles, and if he started talking she was bound to find him as abrasive as everyone always did, so why had Charles pointed him out!? If ghosts could sweat, Edwin would be drowning in his nerves.
Her gaze stayed on him for a long moment before she broke the silence, “He’s been good to you? Not like those other boys.”
Edwin wasn’t sure what to do with that, but thankfully Charles was quick on the uptake, “Not like them at all. He’s— he’s the best, mum. None of those tossers could even compare.”
“Because the boys— the ones who—“
Charles gripped her hand, “I know, I know. He’s a genuinely good person, Edwin. I was bad at picking friends in life, but thankfully I chose well with this one.”
His attempt at joking was overlooked completely by her, “Those boys, how could they do that? I knew their families, John Parish’s mother went to your funeral… Such cruel boys…”
“I’m alright, mum, I’m okay.” Charles kept going, smiling even as the tears continued, “It’s all in the past.”
“I should’ve fought harder for you… kept you close… mere laal, taken from me…” She was sobbing, her whole frame shaking with hiccoughs.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Charles took a steadying breath, “You know I couldn’t have stayed in that house, mum. And no one could’ve known those lads would go that far…”
Her sobs were worse for a moment, then stilled suddenly as she fought for oxygen. She coughed weakly.
At that, Charles’s crying intensified, despite all he did to keep himself together. He could tell. He knew what was coming. It was still devastating to see. Edwin pulled him in for a proper side hug, taking care not to jostle his grip on his mum.
This did not go unnoticed, and the dying woman suddenly smiled, as if the devastation was forgotten with the oxygen. She looked back to her son, “I am glad you have been happy, beta. You deserved happiness.”
“I’m happy, I’ve been so happy mum, I promise,” Charles tried to calm himself down, stuck in his reassuring her.
“Mere laal, light of my life, darling boy,” She breathed with difficulty, smile dropping, “Can you forgive me? I failed you…”
Charles’s frame shook with his vigorous nodding, “I forgive you, mum, you did the best you could, I love you so much—“
Her weak smile returned, glinting in the lamplight of the evening room, “Thank you, beta. You were too good for me, for this world…”
“All because of you, I swear it, all thanks to you—“
“Charles.”
“I love you, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son, I’m could’ve been better, gotten you out of that house—“
“Charles, darling.”
“You deserved better, I love you, I forgive you—“
“My love, the light—“
Edwin was right, a deep blue light had filled the space, illuminating the still body of his mother. Her face was pulled into a slight smile, eyes closed, as if she was having a pleasant dream, even as the tear tracks dried on her cheeks.
“No, no I’m not ready—“ Charles immediately started to protest, gripping onto her hand like a lifeline.
“Charles—“
“I only just got to see her! She only just got free of him! No, no, I won’t—“
Edwin gently but solidly grabbed under Charles’s arms, “I’m sorry my love but we should go—“
Charles was nothing but hysterics by this point, head thudding onto the sheets for a moment before Edwin fully pulled him away. He said more, but Charles was too overwhelmed to process it properly, buzzing in his ears and headache behind his eyes making him feel alive in all the worst ways. Maybe it was just the first time he had cried this hard in his afterlife, or maybe being this close to an active death did something to their physiology—
Everything was a blur as they returned to the flat, Edwin all but carrying him through the mirror so that he wouldn’t get lost on the way. They collapsed onto the sofa, extra large cushions taken up by their ghostly presences. The girls were already there, and joined into the cuddle pile without another word (or perhaps with a few, Charles still wasn’t all there yet). Edwin jostled them all slightly to better position everyone before settling in again, making sure Charles was properly surrounded.
Charles sobbed for a while longer. He wasn’t quite sure for how long, or what day it was, or if he was bothering his friends by taking up their time and space like this. His devastation had seemed to take over his entire being. But, when he did breathe a little easier, when he was finally able to sit up, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. His mom was dead, yes, but so was he, and dying had granted them both freedom from that man, from that house, from the cruelties of the world. And in his death he was surrounded by people who loved him, people who were there for him when he needed them and would still be there for him tomorrow, and the next, and the next. The other shoe had dropped, and it certainly hurt, but thankfully he had people around him to help him through it. He was truly lucky to have them.
~
hope you enjoyed this impromptu series exploring Charles and his parents and grief and loss and all those lovely things. this was inspired by the complicated emotions I have / had after my grandparents passing, and I heavily encourage you to do something similar if you’re ever struggling with these big emotions—therapists and such will say that journaling is where it’s at, but sometimes it’s easier to project onto fictional characters and that’s ok !!! and, just to drive the point home, I want to reiterate that you are loved, and there are people around you who are there to support you, I promise ❤️
also, just to make it abundantly clear, I’m a v white midwestern american and as such have vvv limited knowledge of cultural aspects of Charles’s mom—I did research and tried my best, but if I screwed anything up PLEASE let me know so I can fix it!!!!! same goes for Britishisms ig but mostly looking for feedback on her Punjabi and her various cultural elements :)
#dead boy detectives#dbda#dbda fanfic#dbda fic#dbda netflix#edwin paine#edwin payne#edwin x charles#edwin dead boy detectives#charles rowland#charles dead boy detectives#payneland#chadwin#the girls aren’t even named in this part so I won’t tag them but let it be know that they are there and in love#charles rowland’s parents#charles rowland’s mother#cw grief#cw grieving#cw death#there are a few people I wanted to tag but I’ll have to do it in a comment since tumblr is being weird#my writing#might post on ao3 at some point idk yet#angst#but in a cathartic way#desi characters#punjabi#indian characters
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Loz fandom stop being angsty and give the daydreaming kids on big fun adventures with a cool glowing sword some actual whimsy and joy challenge
#It's like the happy media equals angsty fandom and vice versa but like. Video game series about the dreams and adventures of childhood with#A fandom full of angst and abandonment and depression and smut#It's why I don't really stay in the loz fandom long each time I circle back around#There's so much potential for good things and comfort and snuggly warmth and lightheartedness.#Like yeah messed up things happen in front of and to link but kids are resilient beasts and most importantly they fix it#He's literally wearing the Peter pan hat to invoke that sort of eternal wonder that's the DESIGN of the hat that's why it's so identifiable#Fanart captures it a lot. The gorgeous landscapes and quiet moments and dappled sunlight#But fics???? Oh lu fics are just full of miscommunication and resentment and sour interactions and pain and simmering anger#I prefer to read trusted authors because it's so wearing but the problem is you have to go out and find them lol#It's a very controversial belief of mine that every link enjoyed their adventure even if it was scary or sad and would not be averse to#Another. Oh the circumstances they might hate. But link has never been one to refuse the call#That's the POINT they stepped up when the adults couldn't it's their COURAGE that they'd be fastest to volunteer.#Unrelated but post game botk is adhd central you can do literally whatever you want and whatever pace and you just drift around getting#Distracted and teleporting all over and setting challenges and poking around every nook and cranny#Like botw I had over 300 koroks and 98% map completion. I maxed out hero's path twice over. Totk I've just been wandering around#Speed farming lynels like 17 different goals drifting from one to the other as I wish. Still missing the last 2 sage orbs NO idea where#There's like a million hinoxs now tf#loz#legend of zelda#lu#linked universe#ao3
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Something cool that I think would be a good fic idea is the boys being Orpheus and Eurydice reincarnated. Like they compared them so often and there’s so much potential there. I can’t write but someone else is free to take this idea and do whatever with it…
Like maybe death doesn’t want to take her nephew and his love’s souls again/ force them to separate. Or they had the reason they were born in separate times was an attempt to separate them. They failed their test and they weren’t supposed to together again but their love transcended time. What would Morpheus’s feelings be when he discovers his son is back on earth as a ghost?
Someone please use this idea before it drives me to write, nobody wants that, I don’t want that.
#add in the fact Orpheus was the sandman’s son would give it another layer#and maybe the reason they were born in different decades was to seperate them#Orpheus is canonically Death’s nephew#We haven’t heard Charles sing but he seems to enjoy music?#orpheus#charles rowland#euridice#edwin payne#edwin paine#edwin x charles#orpheus and eurydice#dead boy detectives#dbda#renew dead boy detectives#ao3 fanfic#fic ideas#dbda post#dbd show#the sandman netflix#morpheus#the sandman#death
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wip that just germinated in my brain:
Summary, I'm thinking:
"Sorry, who's this?" Robin tucks her cellphone (cellphone! Sometimes she still can't believe it) into her neck as she sorts out the groceries Steve had forgotten about (again. Ugh.).
"It's, um, Carol. Carol, Carol Perkins? I was told this was Steve Harrington's number?"
There's a faint droning sound in their warm kitchen from the dishwasher, and it smells like summer. Robin wonders how the tinny voice in her ear is supposed to reconcile with the one in the back of her head from '86, whispering 'Oh, Carol Perkins - bad news. Don't bring her up around Steve'. Minus all their late-night conversations where anything goes, obviously.
"Oh! Oh, no, well, Steve's number and mine are pretty similar I guess, so it's an honest mistake, don't worry about it, oh, and you must not know why I'm answering either way, sorry, it's - "
"Robin Buckley, I know," Carol Perkins huffs warmly. "Steve brought you to my wedding in '06. You're all good, hon."
"Right. Right, sorry, I wasn't sure you'd remember." Robin laughs. "Right, well, with that out of the way, yeah, our numbers are flipped, he's got the '45' at the end where I've got the '54', so you probably just typed it in wrong. I swear, I told that dingus we should just tell people our landline. Even the kids mix it up! Do you - Uh, do you want me to take a message? For him?"
There's an intake of breath from the other side of the line, and a sound sort of like someone's hand hitting their forehead. What did Max call it? A facepalm? Robin fans herself as she sits at the table, her notepad stolen off Family Video from way back when open with a pen poised to write down whatever Carol still wants with Steve in this day and age.
"Oh. Well, um…" At least Carol's clearly feeling as awkward as she is, yay for small mercies. "I guess it's not much of a message? I was gonna message him on Facebook, but it didn't really seem right. For this."
Robin feels a little stone drop into her gut. "For…?"
Carol laughs a little bit, like whatever comes next, she can't believe it herself. "For this, yeah. No easy way to say this, but Tom's gone."
Another stone joins the one in her belly.
"Gone?" Truthfully, Robin doesn't even care, really. Tommy Hagan's just a high school bully in her mind, save for the weird, weird days they've met since becoming (or pretending to be) functional adults. But she knows it's not the same for Steve. Steve will care.
#the realisation that I can do what I want#I can just write snippets and post them#might post the full bit too or smack it onto ao3 who knows#personally I prefer the oneshot format for writing bc figuring out chapter breaks is a pain#but multi-chaptering is easier for posting so idk#writing#stranger things#stranger things fic#tfw your jerky bff from highschool suddenly dies very young and you don't know how to feel about it#future fic#platonic soulmates stobin#stobin#steve harrington#carol perkins#tommy hagan#robin buckley
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Interlude
#the on1y one#tian x wang#jiang tian x sheng wang#drabble#fanfic#when someone else posts something on ao3 I want them to shout it from rooftops so everybody knows there's a new fic in a small fandom#and it feels easy to make a post about it#the same is weird when making an own fics post#ah yes pls read if you like but not necessary#I'm just melting over these dorks you see#Pain demands to be felt#that's either a Shakespeare or a bl series quote#im not sure which
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O'Knutzy Week Day 3
Hoorayyyyy, we've gotten to day 3 of this absolutely awesome O'Knutzy week filled with barrel loads of glorious content! (This post was written in June and was scheduled, just btw)
Credits to @lumosinlove for creating this story and character, and to @oknutzy-week-2024 for organizing this all!
This is a fic based on the racing prompt, and also has two parts, the other officially coming out tomorrow. No Leo, only Harvard era finlo + background characters.
Summary: When the Harvard Hockey team goes car racing on an old dirt track, Logan ends up riding passenger to Finn, and then makes some heartbreaking decisions.
Characters: Logan Tremblay, Finn O'Hara, Percy Lastname, Cole Lastname, and a few OCs I threw in there just to say a few lines and have a Leo reference
Warnings: Cursing, mentions of recent injury, bucket loads of "FUCKING GET TOGETHER ALREADY" and they don't
Word Count: 2,154 (Preview of 371 under cut)
It started with a one off question: “Hey, have you guys ever been racing?” It was what Percy had asked OKN while they were crowded together in the small living room watching Fast and Furious. Now the entire Harvard hockey team was crowded around a renting booth for the nearest race track they could find. It was a dirt track, and dirt cheap too, so long as you had a car. Currently, Logan was staring at Finn, leaning against the chain link fence around the track and talking to Will and Percy about something or the other, probably what they were going to do for the upcoming summer. The late afternoon sunlight hit Finn, backlighting him and making him glow like a god. Logan on the other hand, was standing with some of the other guys a little further back and away from the fence. He was also completely checked out of whatever conversation they were having. That was until a hand was waved repeatedly over his eyes and Cole beside him said, “Yo, Logan! Earth to Logan!” “Quoi?” Logan questioned, eyes snapping away from Finn and meeting Cole’s, “What’d you need?” “Just wondering if you wanted to drive first or not,” Cole said, pointing towards the cars lined up on the track. Logan remembered someone noting that they only had about 12 cars between the twenty guys that ended up going. “Oh,” Logan laughed, hands reaching up to fiddle with his hat, “I-” “He can’t drive!” A voice chirped from the fence. Logan turned his head up to see Finn walking towards them. A warm, late spring breeze tossed Finn’s hair into his face, and he pushed it away quickly, shooting Logan a deadly smile. Deadly not because it was sinister, but because it was fucking gorgeous. Because it flipped Logan’s stomach into a million knots. “Why’d you come then, man?” Nolan Ari, a freshman winger, asked, sidling to the side to make room for Finn in the circle. “Figured I’d fuck around here instead of being lonely at OKN,” Logan replied, shrugging. “Hey,” Finn remarked, “don’t worry about Ten here, NOLA. He’s riding with me anyway.” He’d said it so casually, as if it didn’t make Logan’s heart stop.
#logan tremblay#finn o'hara#finlo#o'knutzy#vaincre lumosinlove#breakaway lumosinlove#coast to coast lumosinlove#sweater weather lumosinlove#lumosinlove#o'knutzy week 2024#the pain of trying to schedule posts#I did not think it would be this hard#and my internet is messing around rn so it took +20 minutes longer to get together#anyway#the next part is literally already out but please for the sake of continuity wait for my post tomorrow#you can schedule posts on tumbler all you want but not on ao3#this was written in june#the fic technically came out in june#we don't need to talk about that#also I originally wrote it in docs#so transferring it to archive and to here was hell#the amount of times I had to redo the italics was WILD
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outing myself as a jalph enjoyer. how's the nation doing.
#fuckass fic#lotf#lord of the flies#writing#my writing#lotf ralph#jack merridew#jalph#technically?#whatever. slowburn is a pain.#not spoilers cause this is what i'll use as synopsis on ao3#one day i'll write jack and roger. and ralph and simon.#it's just so hard to make a plot for them#because i've been so invested in this specific fic for so long#that all post-island aus in my had are like. oh yeah! fuckass fic#maybe a modern au one day. i'm dying to write them as regular teenagers#there's so many wonderful ships in the fandom i'm so excited to create more than what i already know
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less stories about love as something inherently beautiful and pure. more stories about love as something painful violent corrupting destructive. love that turns you into a monster. love that tears you up to shreds inside. love that lingers like an old ghost because it has nowhere else to go. love that is mixed up with so many other emotions it's completely unrecognisable. more stories about love that is messy and weird!!!!!
#asto speaks#don't look at me i needed to let out a demon#this post is dedicated to:#1. ivan alien stage#2. 1863 han sooyoung#3. that one orv fic by ao3 user unluckyolive i never remember the name of where yjh tears kdj's demon king wings out#horrendously painful and so very hot at the same time. somehow <- theres something very wrong with me#4. my ocs and their very weird parental figure situations
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Speaking with my beta, I’ve realized between all of my fics I have an issue with just not ending things. So, for a little funsies as well as practice, I’ve been considering making a series packed full of either one shots or fics no longer than 2-4 chapters long.
With that now said, feel free to start drop kicking me with some prompts and the like !
I mainly prefer to write for Kakashi, Obito, and/or Rin right now, treating any combination of those three as romantic, platonic, or otherwise, but I may consider other characters or ships if you try and give me some extra fuel on why you personally love them. Genre and rating wise I’m pretty much open to anything, going from the sweetest most platonic stories, to things that are far more dark and filthy. Just hit me with things, even if you need to use anon to do so.
I’m still going to be working hard between Lose/Gain and Ice & Snow as usual of course, still having plenty of chapters done to keep steadily putting up as it is, but having little things like this to work on keeps my creativity running and lets me have a small break before going back to look at my main fics with fresh eyes.
#who posting#open requests#writing requests#fic requests#anon open#naruto fanfiction#obikaka#kakaobi#kkob#obkk#team minato#kakashi hatake#obito uchiha#rin nohara#tagging is always such a pain#ao3 writer
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