#but now that i have the hours and the pay i need i feel like it's a huge struggle to do the things that i want
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HAPPY VARENTINES DAY, ANGEL ! I've been facing some tech issues recently, but!! To celebrate Ren's birthday and Valentine's Day, I'll be releasing Day 5 (the Early Access version) for all the Beta Testers in a few days!
And for those who aren't part of the 14DWY Discord server, don't worry! The public version will be available for everyone to play once the beta testing period is over ^^
#I don't have internet right now because my service provider is ass </3 I fear we may be livetweeting from my campus wifi right now lmao /hj#Anyways!! For those unfamiliar with how the whole ''Day update'' releases work; it's as follows:#Beta Testers → 14DWY Discord Server → Public Release#I always feel bad for those who pay money to boost da server (or donate to my ko-fi); so I want to offer them early dev logs and game acces#But members can also become a Beta Tester for ✨free✨ by chatting and reaching level 50 — or by taking part in server events >:3#They get access to all dat + unique server perks (like special name colour; upload & emote/sticker perms; [REDACTED] pixels lmao; etc)#And just so that it's not too overwhelming for da folks on Discord—#—I don't think I'll make a Twitter/Bsky announcement until Day 5 is officially available for beta testers to play#Or... until I can find a new service/phone provider because an additional $40 a month is NAWT the vibe!!!!! T_T#I also do not want to drive 1.3 hours into the city just to use my uni's/McDonalds wifi hjgdgjdhjgd#But I fear this may be the price I need to pay to have extended wifi coverage to the middle of nowhere </3 /lh /silly#Oh lawd.... How am I going to upload the files to Itch........... T_T#Brb brawling and bawling a certain internet provider real quick <3#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — shut up sai.#I'll make a new rebloggable announcement + use the 14DWY tags once Day 5 is officially out!!
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Rotten Apples, pt. 2
part one part three
pairing: caleb x non!mc reader
synopsis: you run into a familiar face at work.
word count: 4.9k words
warnings: extreme loathing, kinda funny, kinda sad, a good mix of everything! a hint of foreplay! not proofread!
author's note: thank you for all the love on part one! here's part two! should there be a part three? also, enjoy a pic of caleb i grabbed from the game today!
taglist <3 : @kebarney @pinkismyfavcolor @romils @erisnxxi @rik0shii @reni502 @spacehopper27 @llamabois @likesvader @pandoras-rabbit @princessfruit @lukassafespace @jexizia
Caleb couldn’t say how long he’s been standing outside your door for. Had it been an hour? Three? Maybe it’s only been thirty minutes…time truly flies by when he’s with his love.
It doesn’t matter, though. Caleb would stand guard outside your door if it meant that you were safe.
Safe and alone inside your apartment…no other specimen in there to protect you.
Caleb wouldn’t let them come in if they came. He’d use his evol to shove them towards the side stairwell. He’d shove them down and watch as their bodies crumbled together, bones breaking, finding their screams of pain and agony satisfying.
It would all be worth it because you’re safe. All because of his much needed protection.
You’re his.
His to protect. His to look after. His to care for. His to love.
He glances to the side and notices that Skyhaven’s clouds have slightly parted. A smile spreads across his face, the man sneaking towards the hallway window, looking out at the morning sky. The weather is still undoubtedly gloomy, but the slight sight of sun is sign enough for him that you two are meant to be.
Caleb prances down the hallway, stopping by your door one last time. He slowly inhales, his eyes feeling heavy, and flattens his palm against it.
He’ll be seeing you soon.
The Colonel exits your apartment building, his phone attached to the side of his face. His voice is cheery and if you were to hear it, you’d think that his face would be all smiles and joy. It isn’t, though, and is instead a stoic expression.
“Hey, buddy. Remember that favor you owe me? Well, it’s time to cash in. I need you to get me information on someone. Yeah, yeah, I’ll send her name over to you now. Great! Thanks!” He hangs up and settles into a spot across the street.
People pass in front of him, his back pressed against the outside wall of a convenience store. Caleb barely pays attention to other woman who pause to get another look at him. He doesn’t have time to entertain their fantasies. He’d prefer to cater to your wants and needs. You deserve it after all your years of being apart.
Caleb tilts his head up and finds your window. His sick smile returns to his face, waiting for you to appear.
Except, he doesn’t know that you don’t peer out the window in the morning. Instead, you stay in bed for as long as you can, face and body covered by your sheets and obnoxious amount of blankets.
Your arm sticks out, slicing through the chilly morning air.
Shit. You think to yourself. Did the heater not kick in?
Your toes feel inexplicably cold despite being buried under a behemoth of blankets. Slowly sitting up in bed, your tired eyes look around your dark room before they float to the butterfly that hangs from your window. You love how the orange and blue hues grace the floor, softly turning the cold environment into something warm and welcoming.
It reminds you of home and most importantly, it reminds you of him.
You can’t help but laugh, slapping your forehead as you slip out of bed. Last night was a trip and a half!
Your date with George was so bad that you actually hallucinated Caleb being alive. Ha! It’s laughable, really, and you can’t even fathom who was there to witness your crazed haze. You definitely sounded like a crazy person, probably looking like the other blacked out people on the street who struggled to get home.
“Poor guy,” you say aloud, filling in your apartment’s silence, “I hope we never run into each other again.”
Oh, the irony.
You slowly get ready for your day. You take a quick shower, already running late, and stumble into your closet with your toothbrush hanging from your lips. You snatch a clean uniform jacket from the hangers, sliding it over your white blouse. You tuck your shirt into your black pencil skirt and make for sure there are no wrinkles in the fabric.
You hesitate, staring at yourself in the mirror.
Who are you trying to impress, anyways? It’s not like you’re going to find your Prince Charming at work.
Finally ready for your day, feeling rejuvenated and having shaken off your hysterics from the previous night, you step out of your apartment. You chew on a last minute attempt at making toast. The bread is dry instead of being lathered with butter, a complete oversight on your part.
You don’t even have time to stop for a coffee for a boost of energy. How the hell are you going to get through the day?
The rain stopped but the clouds still hang low in the sky. You’re used to the gloomy days, you actually welcome them with open arms. Too much sun reminds you of home and all of the misfortune you went through and, well, Linkon has a Wanderer problem that you want to avoid. Skyhaven still has them but it’s significantly less. You have the Fleet to thank for that.
And you definitely don’t have to thank a certain hunter who always seems to be at the scene of the worst attacks. As long as she stays away, you can live in peace knowing that if a Wanderer were to show up, she wouldn’t be the one to save you.
Your job as a translator stresses you out. Your boss, Darryl, is a weird, perverted dick that abuses his power. Whenever you don’t accept his daily flirts or go to HR about his behavior, you’re rewarded with horrible assignments that take years off of your life because you’re surrounded by men who are exactly like Darryl. You swear that you’ve seen a gray hair or two sprout from your head.
Being a translator under Darryl is a soul sucking job. You’ve applied to different departments in the Deepspace Aviation Administration, but Darryl has decided that you’re only good enough for translating documents and transcripts.
Your dream is to be a live translator, one that sat in a hidden room during negotiations and meetings between presidents and generals. Hell, you’d be fine with translating between the generals’ secretaries! It’s a thrill that you’ll unfortunately never be able to experience.
A big fuck you to Darryl.
You step through the shiny and clean doors of the Deepspace Aviation Administration. The building is eerily tall, shooting further into the atmosphere. You’ve managed to stay within the clouds, though, barely able to move past the fifteenth floor. Your security clearance is less than desirable, but it hasn’t stopped you from inching your way to the top.
You hope to see the secret levels soon enough but sincerely doubt it.
You smile at Abel and Remy, who work the entrance of the building, manning the security clearance that you pass through every weekday. You place your bag down on the conveyor belt, scanning your I.D. card in the little pad before stepping through the metal detector.
“Good morning you two,” you greet them with a familiar smile.
“Morning!” Remy chimes with a smile. He hands you your bag and nudges Abel’s side. He barely looks up, waving, before sinking his head back into the computer. “He slept like shit. Don’t mind him.”
“It’s all good,” you shrug, slinging your bag over your shoulder. Just as you are about to step away, Abel’s head shoots up.
“Stay here. You were flagged.” Abel waves his hand in the air. Two nicely dressed soldiers approach you, guns slung on their sides. Your eyes widen, looking around for any kind of sign that this is a prank that Remy and Abel were pulling on you.
When the soldiers approach you and take your arm, a weight forms on your shoulders.
It’s not a prank. It’s very fucking real.
Terror rips through your body. Your eyes widen as the masked soldiers stare down at you, their eyes dark and unwelcoming.
“Ma’am. Follow us,” one of the soldiers barks at you. You nod, ready to comply, but are unable to move your feet. You try to move your leg but it doesn’t budge. You awkwardly laugh to yourself, looking down at the unresponsive limb.
Move, dammit! You internally scream, cheeks heating up.
Remy gives your back a gentle tap, nudging you forward. You stumble over your feet, pushing through the gap between the soldiers.
They track you from behind and occasionally bark a direction for you to take. They guide you towards the elevator that is reserved for higher ranking officials and officers. Your gulp, heart pounding in your chest. Your ears begin to ring, heating up as nausea overtakes your body. You close your eyes and grip the railing in the elevator, clinging to the cold metal for some kind of relief.
Where did it all go wrong?
Did you translate something wrong? Is it your fault that a world war is about to erupt? You knew you should have told Darryl to not give you assignments on the language you’re weakest at! He should have given it to Miranda!
Your foot rapidly taps against the elevator floor. Each ding from a new floor heightens your anxiety, body shivering at the thought of what could happen to you.
Ding.
Goodbye cruel world!
Ding.
It was nice knowing you all!
Ding.
Don’t forget about me! Use my death as an example on what not to do!
You have heard many stories of what happened to translators that interpreted a word incorrectly. They simply disappeared off the face of the earth and were never heard from again. Or they ended up teaching languages at a community college far away from Skyhaven and the Fleet.
You’d rather disappear off the face of the earth than succumb to that fate.
The elevator doors slide open. You look up from the floor, surprised to see a normal looking work environment. One of the soldiers place their hand on your back, pushing your forward. You move with his hand, not particularly enjoying his touch. You shoot him a glare, crossing your arms over your chest.
“I’ll take her from here.”
You freeze. Goosebumps spread across your skin and chills run down your spine. You focus on the wall in front of you, a figure sliding in front of your vision. Your eyes are met with a black uniform, the typical red, white, and blue accents that the Fleet uniforms have.
Your eyes float up, taking in the figure before you. Purple eyes stare down at you, your haze focusing on the golden spot that lays on the bottom of his iris. The nausea you once felt disappears but is quickly replaced with an even worse feeling of complete and utter dread.
“Caleb?” His name rolls off your tongue like butter, melting the ice that surrounds your heart.
So last night was not a dream. Caleb was the one to save you from George, not some random stranger who was there at the time. It was your ex-childhood best friend.
A semblance of a smile flashes across his face before his gaze sharpens. He looks you up and down, hands behind his back. Your gaze drops, taking him in his entirety.
Fuck…he looks great in his uniform.
“Long time no see,” he quips, stoic expression remaining on his face. “Follow me.” Without missing a beat, he turns on his heel and begins to walk away. You look around, blinking as if it’ll snap you out of the dream you’re clearly inside of.
When you don’t follow, Caleb walks back. His fingers curl around your wrist, his touch shocking your body to life. You fumble over your words, random sounds fleeing from your lips, as Caleb guides you away from invasive eyes.
His hair is still short but is just shaggy enough to remain charming and add to his looks. Your squint your eyes, noticing a few light scars on the right side of his body. They creep up his neck from under his wrinkle-free uniform. Caleb opens a door and you step inside, swallowing whatever confusion you had left in your mouth, and turn to him.
“Caleb?” Your voice is breathy. Caleb’s eyes fix themselves on you, the man leaning against the closed door with his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re…what?”
“Take your time,” he chuckles. Your breath gets caught in your throat. His chuckle makes you want to jump for joy. “We are on a time crunch though, pipsqueak—”
“Don’t call me that,” you interrupt him, hissing as your instincts take over.
Any positive feeling you felt towards him in the past five minutes has vanished. You glare and cross your arms over your chest.
How dare Caleb call you that? That was always her nickname, alongside other ridiculous pet names that always made you gag whenever you looked back in your memories.
You made for certain that you’ll never be his pipsqueak.
You groan, rolling your eyes, and turn away from him. To him, it feels like you just drove a knife into his heart. He stares at the back of your head, his gaze falling for a brief moment, noticing the curve of your ass, before circling in front of you.
“I won’t call you that…noted,” he breathlessly chuckles. Once you tilt your chin up to show your glare, his chuckle gets caught in his throat. He covers it with a cough, suddenly feeling nervous around you.
Caleb has never felt this way with you before. In the past, everything was so easy! It was smooth sailing with you, low maintenance. He knew that you didn’t need the constant validation from him whereas she always needed it.
Maybe that’s been his foolish mistake all along. He should have paid more attention to you instead of her.
Is this what loathing feels like? Complete and utter contempt towards someone? Caleb hasn’t experienced this kind of negative feeling before, at least, not with her.
He had always felt so alive whenever she looked his way. Her beauty and innocence was so captivating. He adored playing the hero she needed.
Where was your hero? Who was there to call you pipsqueak or any other cheesy nickname? God, he’s been a fucking idiot.
“Is there…a nickname you’d like me to call you? For old time’s sake?” Caleb’s question earns him an angered scoff from you.
“You can call me by my name, thanks,” You look at him, eyes flickering down to his exposed neck.
His Adam’s apple bobs up and down. His gloved hand reaches for the collar of his shirt, wanting to loosen his restrictive tie, but falls. When your eyes meet again, his shoulders tense before relaxing.
Is he…is he nervous?
“Tell me, Colonel,” you begin. Caleb’s head perks up and he looks at you, hanging onto every word that comes from your lips. “Why am I here?”
“I heard you’re the best translator we have,” Caleb’s compliment makes you raise your eyebrow, “I only want the best. I need you to translate something for me.”
“Sure, I can do that. Not like I have much of a choice, right?” Your half-joke earns a loud laugh from Caleb. You raise an eyebrow at him.
Really? You think to yourself. That’s what made you laugh?
“I forgot how funny you are,” Caleb comments. He pokes your nose and your face scrunches up, watching as he turns on his heel, opening up the door. You stare at his back and the memories of him from your childhood come pouring in.
You sit alone on a bench. You watch as Caleb stands in line with her at an ice cream stand. You watch them with close and steady eyes, your gaze transfixed on how she plays with his fingers. They laugh and lean into each other, undoubtedly whispering secrets that only they can know to one another.
It pained you, yes, to always be pushed to the sideline. You got used to it with time. You didn’t notice it the first year of knowing them. You were all careless and innocent children. Of course there was no malcontent with their actions!
However, the constant repetition of being left out only to be covered with half-asses apologies and sorries became very old really quick.
And it definitely felt like a stab in the back when you hear their mingled laughter through your open window. You’d catch your self sitting by the window, sighing to yourself as they played knight and princess in Josephine’s backyard.
Whenever you played with them, she always made you the monstrous dragon that held her captive. Caleb had to the the one to kill you. You had to watch from the ground, covered in dirt and dust, as he brought her into his arms, swinging her around.
Her thrilled shrieks and giggles were like poison to your soul.
You were only eight.
With thicker skin and a heart beginning to protect itself with a shield of ice, you braved the final days of your friendship with them. When it grew to be too much, you left.
It was the best decision you could have made, right?
It felt so easy to leave, even as they excluded you from the ice cream line. What’s funny is that they forgot to get you your sweet treat, meaning that you had to eventually stand in the line by yourself while they relaxed on the bench.
You were always left with sticky fingers while he cleaned hers, calling her by that stupid fucking nickname while he wiped away the melted ice cream from her fingertips. They were clean and pristine while yours were left with sticky residue and bits of napkin that lingered behind.
You were almost always determined to ditch them after moments like these. You laid in bed, holding your favorite plushie to your chest, when a small pebble hit your window. You walked over, pushing the glass open, as you poked your head outside.
Caleb stood on the ground below. He smiled up at you and held up a small plastic bag. You watched as he climbed up the side of your house with ease, using the vines to reach your window.
The anger slowly left your body the closer he got to you. He’d poke his head instead and you plucked the plastic bag from his mouth, revealing a small metal butterfly you had saw in town earlier that day.
“I got it just for you,” he said, resting his elbows on the windowsill. You watched him with wide eyes, your ice heart melting from his actions and words. “A token of my appreciation.”
Maybe sticking around for a little longer isn’t a bad idea, you thought to yourself.
You always loved butterflies after that day.
“You coming?” Caleb asks, head tilted to the side.
Looking around, you realize where you are and shake away the bittersweet memories from your childhood. You let out a ragged breath. Your lungs burn and your vision blurs.
His purple orbs memorized every detail of your face. When he noticed the small amount of tears in your eyes, he reached forward, wanting to catch them before they had the chance to fall. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” You slap his hand away and push past him, entering the main room.
As you walk, you realize that what’s left between you two has expired.
The apple of his eye is not you. You were a Granny Smith while she was a Honeycrisp.
You were perpetually sour and she was always refreshing. Everyone always lavished in her presence while you faded into the background. You were left out in the sun while she was carried inside and taken care of.
It’s no wonder why you’re rotten to the core.
Daggers of pain stabbed into his sides, slipping between his ribs, leaving him breathless. His perfect demeanor finally reveled a crack, head lunched over. He follows you into the hallway, planting himself at your side.
Clearly, there is something wrong with you. Not in a way like there is with him, you know, having failed his psych evaluation, but something that is deeply rooted in your core. He wants to rip your chest open and to pull your heart out. He wants the slowly pull away the thorns that pierce your heart and kiss the wounds. He desperately wants to mend your internal wounds and hold you until you fall asleep in his arms.
“Where’s the file?” You ask him, the tears now gone from your eyes. A slow and ragged breath leaves his mouth, unable to look away from your remarkable face. You snap your fingers in his face, irritation blossoming inside your chest.
“Oh, right,” Caleb recovers. He lays his hand on your lower back. Warmth seeps through the thin fabric of your blouse. Despite the anger you felt a minute ago, you can feel your body relax under his touch. You can tell that he notices it too when his cocky smile returns to his face. You tear your gaze away from his, heat tingling your ears from embarrassment.
He leans down to whisper something in your ear but you turn your head away, not wanting to hear anything else from him. Thankfully, he catches on and straightens his posture.
The office is foreign to you. Many hallways lead in different directions. People in uniforms turn left and right, catching you off guard as Caleb pulls you out just in time before you collide with them. They barely look up from the papers in their hands or leave their conversation to say sorry or apologize.
Caleb swiftly guides you through the floor. The two of you weave and bob through the organized chaos. People stop and salute Caleb as he passes by. He nods in their direction, his charming smiling disappearing as he puts his Colonel mask back on.
He opens a door and reveals an almost empty interrogation room. There’s no two way mirror nor are there the usual cameras in the corner. At least, that’s what you’ve seen on your favorite television show. You step inside, flinching when the door slams closed, the faint click of a lock making goosebumps form all over your skin.
“No need to be nervous, Caleb says, sitting down into one of the chairs at the metal table. He spreads his legs open, making himself comfortable. He looks up at you, gesturing to the chair in front of him. You hesitate, having to force your eyes to look away from his legs, and sit in the chair beside him.
The table only has a few items. Caleb takes off his hat, placing it near the edge. He plucks off his gloves, taking his time since you’re watching him, and set them on top of his hat. In the center sits a neat stack of papers with a few pens and pencils on top. Beside that is an audio recorder with an attached set of earbuds.
“You know how to be discreet, right?” Caleb asks. You sneak a glance at him, throwing a bit of side eye, before picking up the audio recorder.
Ha. Do you know to be discreet…how do you think I got through high school? I was discreet with my hatred of your beloved pipsqueak
“I’ll manage,” you cooly respond.
You already know the drill.
You put on the headphones, you write down whatever it is the people on the other side are talking about, and you hand your work over to Darryl.
Except…Darryl isn’t here. Caleb is.
And you aren’t at your usual workstation using your computer to type. You’re actually writing these words down. What kind of mission is this?
“Then you know that you’ll be working directly under me for the assignment,” Caleb leans closer to you. You pay no attention to it.
“Will I?” You play coy and look at him, batting your eyelashes at him.
Caleb has to picture Josephine naked to stop the tent from forming in his pants.
“Yes…” his word comes out as a whisper.
“May I know any background on it? You know, for translation sake.” You can feel him slowly draw you in.
Those purple eyes that you quickly get lost in. The way his fragrant cologne smells. The way his canine tooth flashes whenever he smiles.
And that fucking uniform. Fuck me. You think.
“It’s classified,” he breathes back, your faces mere inches from each other. Caleb is so thankful that there are no cameras inside. If this keeps going the way he wants, he’ll have you bent over with your panties in your mouth to keep you quiet.
“Shame,” you quickly quip back. You tear yourself away from Caleb, leaving him hanging in the tension you two created. You grab the earbuds and slide them inside your ears. The first piece of paper is placed in front of you and you opt for the pen, knowing you never make mistakes.
Caleb watches you with close eyes. Your hand moves at a furious pace, swiftly scribbling down the words from the audio file.
He sits up in his chair, resting his elbow on the table beside him, placing his chin on his raised palm. The Colonel’s eyes close and he slowly inhales. That sweet yet spicy scent of apples and cinnamon fill his nostrils. He slowly exhales, hoping that your perfume lingers on his uniform long after you leave.
His eyes open when he hears you switch to a new paper. You slide him the filled one, you fingers grazing against each other, before you continue to write like you have a gun to your head.
Caleb chuckles to himself. He leans to the right. With the slight movement, he’s able to get a better look at your face.
Your brows are pushed together, no more space between the two. The skin below your bottom lip is sucked in, slowly moving back and forth. Are you…eating yourself? Your eyes flit to him for a brief second. Your face relaxes before it immediately returns to its focused state.
You are so beautiful. Even when you focus on the assignment at hand, Caleb can see the dedication you have for the things you love.
He hopes that soon, he’ll be number one on the list of things you care about. Caleb can brag about it to his already minuscule group of friends, showing off the future photos and selfies you’ll take together. He’ll be able to say that you’re his and nobody else’s.
If someone like George were to come in the way of that, well, he’ll deal with them and lock you away so you don’t have to witness it.
“What are you looking at?” You question, not even looking up from the paper. You slide it to him, drawing your hand away before he can touch your delicate skin, to feel just how soft it is even if it was for a fraction of a second.
“Are you doing anything tonight?” His question surprises the both of you. It slipped from his thoughts before he could stop it from escaping. Caleb’s face remains stoic. On the inside, though, he’s screaming at himself for coming off as too strong.
Your pen scratches to the side, destroying the perfect lines you’ve made from transcribed words. The tip of the pen pierces the paper. Black ink pools around the sharp metal tip. Your fingertips turn white from how tight you grip the pen.
Caleb reaches over you, his muscular arm passing in front of your gaze, trapping you in your chair. He grabs the audio recorder, the device looking minuscule compared to how large his hands are. Veins are prominent in his hand, leading up his wrist before disappearing under the fabric of his uniform jacket.
Your gaze starts from the tips of his fingers, gently dragging past his exposed skin and up his dark material of his uniform, sliding up his shoulder, hovering on the bare skin of his neck. The audio recording in your ear pauses. Caleb retracts his arm, hooking his finger under your chin. He eases your eyes the rest of the way up to his.
Your breath hitches. Lips barely parted, your cheeks flush from his touch and how close he is to you. His lips are mere inches from yours.
All it takes is one…gentle…push…
“I asked if you were doing anything tonight,” the raspiness in his voice makes your lower stomach purr. Your eyes fall to his lips. You gnaw the inside of your cheek, slowly leaning closer to him.
“Are you asking me as Caleb? Or as my Colonel?” You whisper.
“Which one will you say yes to dinner with?”
“Hmm…” you quietly hum. You reach out, fingers curling around his uniform’s tie. You give it a firm tug. A low groan emits from Caleb’s throat. You smirk. “Neither.”
Caleb matches your smirk. His hand snakes up your arm. His long, slender fingers wrap around the entirety of your hand. He overpowers your grip and the tie falls free from your hold. He brings your knuckles to his lips. He plants a firm kiss to them, his eyes locked onto yours.
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
You push away from the table. Cheeks red, unable to breathe, you step away from him and to the interrogation room door. You tug on the cold door handle, the metal immediately warming due to you body heat. The lock clicks and you shove the heavy hunk of metal forward, escaping into the public eye of the office.
#caleb x reader#lads caleb#caleb x non!mc reader#love and deepspace#caleb love and deepspace#lads sylus#lads xavier#lads zayne#lads rafayel#rcvcgers writings
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Hear me out. Viktor getting angry at reader and taking it out on us (m or gn reader)
I have vik brain rot..
DO I LIKE THIS? NO…MAYBE?…YES! - VIKTOR X READER
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synopsis: Viktor is angry. He’s frustrated. Things haven’t been going to plan and his temper is a very thin string right about now. You accidentally break that string, and he takes it out on you. You’ve never seen this side of him before… you’re really into it.
warnings: dom!viktor, misdirected anger, talks of safe-words/signals, oral sex (m receiving), boot humping, under the desk blowjobs, almost caught (you’re in the lab and someone walks in), teasing, dirty talk, degradation/praise, throatpie, Grammarly is my beta
genre: m/f or m/m
p.s. the libido I have revolving around Viktor is insane. Like lock me up I need help. I’d drain that man dry if I had the chance and I’d also have hearts in my eyes the entire time I’m with him. He’d be scared, he’d also love it immensely.
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Viktor’s life has never been easy.
Throughout his life, he’s had to push and shove and climb his way to the top, even if it meant bruised knuckles and ripped-off fingernails.
You'd think he'd be a pro at this. He's not.
Especially when it feels like this whole month has been nothing but valleys, and he's desperately craving a peak right about now.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
It’s another day in the lab, another day for failure, Viktor can't help but think. He's been at this for minutes, hours, days, now leading into weeks of work. It’s like his brain decided to take a vacation.
He feels helpless. Useless. He can’t figure out basic equations, his prototypes keep failing, Jayce is constantly out doing council duties, and you're not by his side.
He doesn't want you near him anyway. He's miserable like this, he's snippy and snooty, even downright mean. He doesn't want to subject you to that, and he knows you will be; even if it’s by accident.
So he already has an idea of how this is going to go when he hears the lab doors open and smells your signature scent.
Hopefully you forgive him for what he's about to do.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
You quietly enter the lab, seeing Viktor hard at work. He's constantly playing with his hair, twirling the pieces at the nape of his neck, running his hands through it, even gripping the silky strands angrily.
He looks like a mess. A very attractive one, but a mess nonetheless.
You almost flinch when you put a hand gently on Viktor’s shoulders, his forgotten blueprints in the other by your side.
He whips around to look at you, a sneer on his face and a glint in his eyes you've never seen before, you lightly gasp as the blueprints in your hand crinkle a bit. He's mad, he's furious.
You've fucked up somehow and you don’t even know what you did.
“What do you want?!” Viktor snips, his tone sharp and snakelike, “Can’t you see I'm in the middle of something?! I almost solved that equation until you pestered me, now I'm back to square one!” His gaze is dark as he looks at you and you wince lightly, you know work has been hard lately but you didn't realize how bad it was until this very moment.
“I’m here because you told me to come at three o’clock, you forgot your blueprints at home and asked me to bring them so when you talk with—”
Viktor cuts off your explanation, “You didn't have to bother me to do that. You could've left them by the door and let me be. No. You had to pester, and now I've lost all my progress.”
You quirk an eyebrow at your lover. He's snippy, he kind of reminds you of a angry cat. All sharp teeth and hisses. You purse your lips and put the blueprints onto the desk, running your free hand through Viktor's already messy hair.
“Anything I can do to make it up to you?”
The lab is left in a tense silence for a bit before Viktor chuckles darkly, “You can put that mouth to good use instead of pestering me.”
Your eyes widen a bit at that but Viktor pays you no mind, he rolls out a bit from his desk and casually unbuckles his belt, unzips his pants, and lowers them just enough to get his cock out. He's already half hard, and you feel yourself gulp subconsciously.
He just says one word and you obey him. Like a god and it’s devotee.
“Kneel.”
And you do.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Viktor sighs through gritted teeth as he continues to work on his equations. A light moan escapes him when a wonderful firm suck encompasses the head of his cock.
He looks down and sees you there, eyes glossy as you look up at him and take his cock without question, without hesitation. He can feel all the anger and frustration leaving him with each pass you make. Maybe this was all he needed, he's been pent up.
Viktor puts his pencil down and groans, a long silky note escaping from his throat. Luckily for him he's gotten an updates wheelie chair that now has a back to it, so it helps him with his posture and comfort.
His posture isn't the best right now as he slowly slides down the chair in ecstasy, his ass on the edge of the chair as his head leans back on the headrest. The long stretch of his throat is all you can see and you take him deep.
Viktor startles when he hears footsteps approaching the lab. He looks at the clock and his eyes widen.
The reason why you came to bring the blueprints has finally arrived.
He forgot he had planned to talk to Jayce at three-thirty. It's currently two-fifty-five, and his partner is going to see him with his cock shoved down his other partners throat.
Viktor lightly kicks you to hide under his desk as he frantically pushes himself to slide forward. You're caged in, unable to be spotted due to the plank of decorative wood at the front of the desk. It’s cramped, with Viktor's long legs, the legs of the desk chair, and the plank of wood keeping your dignity intact.
You can minutely see Viktor trying to get his appearance in check. Running a hand through his hair, adjusting his tie, making sure the wrinkles that formed on his clothes are patted down, and touching his lower back, to ensure his ass isn't out.
Just as Viktor deems himself acceptable, the lab doors open, and in walks Jayce.
God damn it.
You can’t really hear their conversation that well, it’s a bit muffled under the desk, but you can hear tones. Jayce is happy, Viktor is a bit tense.
Let’s make him more tense, shall we?
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
“Viktor, hey! I was able to leave that mind numbing meeting early. So, how’s everything going? You said you had some updates you wanted to show me?”
Viktor can’t help but smile lightly at Jayce’s exuberance, it’s been a while since Viktor has been able to work with Jayce in the lab; so this is nice.
Even though his cock is out and shoved down your throat. He just hopes Jayce doesn't notice.
“Ah, yes. I re-calculated the density necessary for—hnn.” Viktor goes to explain but grunts as he feels a harsh suck. There's no way, you wouldn't…
There it is again.
Viktor grunts a little louder this time and Jayce looks at him in concern, “Are you okay? Do you need any help?” His eyebrows are furrowed as he chews on his lip. Oh Jayce, you're so sweet. Please don’t notice.
“I’m�� I’m okay Jayce. My leg is just sore, that's all.”
Jayce jolts a bit, his spine stiffening up as he looks over Viktor's form hurriedly, “Are you sure I can't do anything to help—” his sentence is cut off by Viktor waving his hand around quickly as a small grimace overtakes his face. He's lightly biting his lip as his face flushes. He must be in quite a bit of pain, but Jayce relents.
“Truly Jayce, I'm fine. You know how everything gets. After our talk, I’ll head home. Get some rest for once. My body’s hnn… my body’s telling me to relax.”
Jayce purses his lips a bit and nods. Througout the conversation Viktor looks a bit desperate. He grits his teeth, groans lightly in pain, quirks his neck to the side, taps his foot. Jayce doesn't feel any anger or frustration at Viktor, he understands he has chronic pain and he's going through what seems to be a massive flare up.
They talk quickly but deeply. Getting all their ideas and thoughts out before Jayce smiles over his shoulder, and exits the lab, “We’ll talk more later Viktor. Take a break. Get home when you can, I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully.” with that, the lab doors shut and Viktor holds his breath for a minute as Jayce's footsteps slowly but surely get farther and farther away from the lab.
When the footsteps disappear all together, Viktor growls as he pushes back his seat, dragging you alongside with him from the harsh grip he has in your hair. You whine at the pain but Viktor ignores you.
“You slut. You couldn't wait and be good for me. No. You had to suck my cock under my desk as Jayce and I have an important discussion. Did you want to get caught? Did you want Jayce to see how much of a whore you are?”
Your whine is garbled as Viktor forces your head up and down over his cock, his head leans back as he moans deeply from his chest. The sound rumbles out deliciously.
“I’m going to fuck your face since you need it so bad. If you want me to stop, hit my thigh three times, if you want me to slow down, hit it twice. Do you understand me?” Viktor yanks your head off his cock to hear you verbally say yes. Your eyes are watery and your lips are puffy, but a raspy yes escapes your throat before its filled again.
Viktor's ruthless, he forces your head up and down, like his own personal pocket pussy. All you can hear is the wet sounds of your throat, skin hitting skin, and Viktor's desperate growls and moans.
He somehow speeds up even more, lightly thrusting as he pushes your head down. You can’t help but squirm a bit, desperate for some tension to be released from your own body. You inhale sharply when you feel the polished tip of Viktor’s shoe nudge your centre. A jolt of pleasure rushes over you as your eyes flutter. Viktor’s dark chuckle tells you all you need to know.
“So desperate. Look at you, grinding against my shoe. Keep going darling, I want to see you fall apart as I cum down your throat.”
You can’t help but do as he says. He keeps using your throat like his own personal toy as you grind helplessly against his shoe. Eventually a loud groan is what you hear as Viktor shoves your head down, your nose brushing against the light auburn curls at the base of his cock. As you swallow his cum down, cock warming his dick in your throat, you thrust messily and frantically against Viktor’s shoe.
A shaky moan escapes you as you finally orgasm, your underwear becoming sticky and wet at the intensity. Viktor carefully pulls your head back, you lightly cough and breathe in shudders to catch your breath. Viktor smiles lovingly at you as he comes down to kiss you on your forehead. 
“How you spoil me my love. You did amazing. You’re incredible, thank you for that.” His tone is sweet as he cards his hands through your hair as he sporadically kisses your face.
You can’t help but giggle at his show of love. He’s not a fan of physical displays of affection, but when it’s just you two, he’s so undeniably sweet.
A groan of pain escapes you as you slowly get up off your knees, Viktor is fixing himself as you lean against his desk as an abrupt opening of the door startled you both. It’s Jayce.
“Sorry! I forgot my notebook— hey! When’d your get here?” Jayce asks as he walks back to Viktor’s desk and grabs his notebook, a blinding smile directed towards you.
“Uh— not too long ago.” You state, your throat dry and voice raspy due to the abuse it suffered. Jayce looks at you in concern, “Wow, you don’t sound good. You two should probably go home, you sound sick and Viktor’s been in physical pain.”
Viktor looks off to the side as he lightly scratches his cheek, you smile at the sweet man, “Good idea Jayce. C’mon Viktor, let’s go.”
Before anyone can move, it’s like a lightbulb goes off above Jayce’s head, “Oh no— no. You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t!”
“Didn’t what Jayce?” You ask as Viktor snickers lightly, “For your sake, we didn’t Jayce.”
Jayce groans in pain as Viktor lightly laughs and you just look at the two of them. Then you realize what they’re tip-toeing around and feel your face heat up.
God damn it Jayce. Why’d you have to be smart. Oopsie daisy.
Y’all my libido is 100% tied to Viktor and minutely Jayce, it’s so bad 🙃 hope y'all liked this! ❤️
#arcane#viktor arcane#arcane imagine#arcane x reader#viktor imagine#viktor x reader#fem!reader#male!reader#gender neutral reader#banners by cafekitsune
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patrick blurb because valentines day. its short and hopefully a little sweet. im soso sorry that this isnt longer, i have two other things i can hopefully get out soon but i write everything day of (stupid) and am traveling so took no time out to write (stupider). regardless i hope you enjoy. as always, comments and critiques are welcome.
If there’s one thing Patrick is, at least with you, it’s a horrible liar. The poor man couldn’t get away with fibbing to save his life. Not that being bad at dishonesty is an issue, in fact, it’s quite the opposite, but there have been times where it would’ve been a welcome presence in your relationship. He couldn’t even lie about liking those jeans you’d picked off the rack, even though it was fairly clear you wanted them, despite claiming that you just couldn’t make up your mind on them.
So, when he calls and says, “Babe… can you believe that they just extended tour?” you decide to humor him just this once. For one, the excuse was a weak one, and made little to no sense if you thought about it for more than a second or two, but you could just hear the smug ass grin he was wearing. He thinks he’s a genius.
You feign a sigh, twirling the drawstring of your hoodie around your pointer finger before placing it in the seam of your lips. You mumble something about ‘Oh, baby, that’s just terrible’ because, frankly, he’s not the type to care about your less than convincing acting job as long as he’s getting the reaction he wants in general. He’s complaining about needing to book a new hotel, something that he’s actually willing to pay for himself, when he barges into your room and manages to nearly scare you off your bed. He’s got that same stupid grin on his face that you’d previously imagined, now holding his arms wide as if to present himself to you. “This’ll do.”
You’re taking too long to process for his liking, because he drops his bags with a heavy thud, completely uncaring for the equipment stored inside, and makes his way towards you. You can’t manage anything, not the ‘How did you get in here?’ that you should definitely concern yourself with, just a soft murmur of “Patrick…” before throwing yourself at him as hard as you can manage to. He’s strong, noticeably stronger since the last time you saw him about three months ago, and manages to catch your weight with such ease it hardly looks like you weigh a thing.
The past few days had been hard, as he’d let you know through several hours-long phone calls, but god, if you aren’t a sight for sore eyes. The way his smile softens says it all, and he’s just breathing in your presence, your scent, the hints of perfume lingering on the fabric of your hoodie. He’s right at home with it. He knows that when the moment’s through, and the shock’s worn off, you’ll be ashamed by your choice of outfit, your lack of makeup, the mess of hair on your head. He thinks it’s the most beautiful he’s ever seen you, and he didn’t think you could get better than perfection, but here he is, pressed against it.
He’s got to be uncomfortable, kneeling at your bedside this long, but he can put that aside for now. Right now, he’s with his girl for the first time in the longest three months of his life and he’s not letting go, knees be damned. He presses a few kisses wherever he can manage to reach, and the laugh you let out when you feel his lips just above yours is enough to send him reeling. It sounds so much clearer here than over the phone. He’d thought you were radiant then, even through a screen, but now? Now he’s just about certain you’re made of more light than each star combined. He’d tell you that if he could, but with his habit of saying things just slightly less eloquently than he means to, he opts for just saying “I missed you”.
You know him. Know he means a lot more than he can properly express with his way of speaking. He’s got a lot of ways of showing it, at least. Falling asleep next to a propped up phone, listening to his breathing grow slower, steadier. Finding little notes from month-old visits in odd corners of your room, scrawled in his signature chicken-scratch only you can manage to decode. The way he holds you like you’re fragile and looks at you like too much exposure to his presence could damage you, despite it doing just the opposite, tells you what you needs to know. He means he loves you.
You breathe out a laugh, one that your shoulders raise with.
“Yeah… missed you, too.”
#challengers#challengers fic#patrick zweig#patrick zweig x reader#insanely nothing#more to come that is hopefully longer and better and not this#patrick my boy you deserve better
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hi so a lil update. for those of you who don't know my whole thing is reading the oxford dictionary. like I'm not just picking random words on the internet, I actually plan to finish OED. I started last spring and I'm almost done with letter H (still haven't made the posts but I have the words saved in a document). it's going a bit slower that I wanted because I'm still in school but I want to finish it by the end of the year
there's also the problem with me not having an OED subscription which means that I can't see longer definitions. like the website only let's you see the beginning which sucks because I have a document full of definitions I need to complete. my plan is to wait until summer when I'll have more free time to pay for a subscription and search all those words. there's no way I'm paying for more than a couple of months I just can't afford that right now. because of it I'll probably start posting words starting with A again which is ruining the whole vibe of the blog but oh well what can you do
also when I'm done like DONE with everything I want to start making lists with words in different categories (like words that appeared in the 90s, love-related words, words starting with letter whatever, you get the idea). and maybe post some writing tips and resources as well in the meantime
I'm debating whether I should make a Patreon or make a blog with WordPress and earn money through ads. like on one hand I don't really like ads but on the other I know what it's like to be a young writer and rely on free resources posted by other writers and I don't want to put my stuff on Patreon and demand payment for other people to be able to read it, but I have over 3,5k followers and I had a link to my ko-fi for months in my bio and I haven't seen one dollar so relying on donations is out of the question
I spent over a hundred hours on this project and who knows how much longer it's gonna take me to finish it and I feel like I deserve to earn something after all this work. and also I need money. so yeah. tell me in the comments what you think
edit: I think I'm gonna go with the second idea and make a blog with WordPress or some other platform
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Thank you for tagging me @caramelc0rgi !
What's the origin of your blog title?
I wanted a name ive never used online before so i picked the name of an oc i had when i was a kid and added of love because venus is the planet of love
Otp's + shipname
Since August last year, Cherik ❤️❤️ and before that hmm, the fandoms i was in were kinda dying down but i guess johnshi from mortal kombat or cageblade
Favourite colour?
Purple 💜
Favourite Game?
Probably Animal crossing i dont rlly play any other games, Minecraft is also fun. Story wise i think sally face, Or Mk1 the new one (ive never played it but i watched the story mode 🫣)
Song stuck in your head
They not like us by Kendrick lamar
Weirdest habit/trait
I talk to myself a lot but i feel like thats normal.... i hope.. i also break out into a British accent a lot too idk why..
Hobbies
Drawing, reading, walking (with headphones on and music going) just other crafts in general like scrapbooking and painting
If you work, what is your profession?
I graduated highschool recently so right now i just work in retail 💪
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be, realistically?
I have two sides, one wants to be an actor because i think i would be good at it and it sounds fun. The other wants to be a world known activist that influences heaps of people in the right direction because someone needs to do it 😭 🙏
Something your good at
Drawing
Something your bad at
Math, it stresses me outtt
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff
X-men, specifically the characters Charles xavier and Erik Lehnsherr
Something you forget
birthdays, im terrible at it
Whats your love language?
Buying gifts, or just paying for things in general. Dont have enough for a drink, here let me.
Favourite show/movie
My favourite movies are probably the xmen movies, the greatest showman, the alien movies!!
Favourite tv shows are You (netflix) Friends, the big bang theory and Lucifer.
Favourite food
Pasta
Favourite animal
Dogs? I guess, cause i have one shes the best, but an animal that isnt a pet i would say crocodile their fucking cool.
What were you like as a child?
Surprisingly confident, i wanna say loud too...
Favourite subjects at school
Art but just the class time drawing and talking to my friends. I didnt like what they taught us. And English, that was an interesting subject.
Least favourite subject at school
Math, i probably would have liked it more if my teachers werent so rude or words i cant say on tumblr
Best character trait
Hmm i would like to think that i am very self efficient, like, im always trying to be a better version of myself.
Worst character trait
I keep a lot of my complaints quiet, if someone did something that upset me i will not tell them. Although im trying to get better at that i feel like im progressing
If you could change anything in your life right now, what would it be?
I would like to change where im at financially, which is very possible i would just like it to happen a bit easier lol
If you could travel in time who would you like to meet
Charlotte Brontë (Author of Jane Eyre) but only because im currently reading Jane Eyre and i had this thought literally yesterday of damn i wish i knew what she was thinking when she wrote this. Because Jane is such a relatable character
Tagging!!
@wishchip106 @vanodka
Get to know your mutuals: tag game
thank you for @mapofyourstars and @ashestxr for tagging me 😊😊
What's the origin of your blog title?
when i was a teenager being a closeted pre-transition trans guy i felt really invisible and like i didnt fit in anywhere, a "ghost". and 512 is the name of a song i listened to a lot at the time. nowadays i find the url a bit cringy but im too lazy to change it lol
OTP(s) + Shipname:
honestly at the moment i only care about cherik haha but i appreciate raven x emma and logan x ororo as well :)
Favourite colour:
black for clothes, pink for literally anything else i own
Favourite game:
i have 1500 hours of stardew valley on steam lol. its an absolute obsession. it comes in waves tho, like twice a year ill get hooked on it again and create a new farm to achieve perfection on. other than that, i really loved playing undertale and graveyard keeper.
Song stuck in your head:
this is kind of embarrassing but atm im a bit obsessed with daisy by ashnikko (the ft. hatsune miku version).... I LIKE BETTER MUSIC TOO I SWEAR
Weirdest habit/trait?
pacing around my apartment thinking abt my current obsessions... i used to be so embarrassed but ive come to find out lots of people do this too so thats fine i guess
Hobbies:
reading and playing games, mostly. ive been trying to write more lately too
If you work, what's your profession?
ESL teacher. its not the coolest thing in the world but i really enjoy it
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Realistically?
literature professor in uni/published author
Something you're good at:
(literally the same thing ashe, who tagged me, said) i believe im a pretty good writer despite being slow and not doing it that often lol
also i know im a very good teacher (i know its my job so duh but youd be surprised with some of my coworkers...)
Something you're bad at:
keeping secrets, especially my own 😭😭😭
Something you love:
cats, wine and contemporary brazilian literature
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:
why i love charles xavier so much and queer/feminist theory.
Something you hate:
uhhhhhh idk my ex i guess (happy valentines day!)
Something you collect:
hello kitty merch 😌😌😌
Something you forget:
dates and appointments, its so fucking bad i put everything on a calender above my desk and i still manage to forget them sometimes
What's your love language?
im very touchy and affectionate but i also love acts of service, like surprising people with small gifts (i believe thats part of acts of service?)
Favourite movie/show:
my favorite movies are xmen fc, dofp and xmen II (obviously) but also amelie poulain and fried green tomatoes
my favorite series are breaking bad and the office, ive watched them both multiple times
Favourite food:
chicken!!!! fried chicken, roasted chicken, chicken with pasta, chicken with rice and beans, chicken with mashed potatoes, give me!!!!!!
Favourite animal:
i was OBSESSED with cheetahs as a child, still love them but in general rn id say cats. also love monkeys
What were you like as a child?
a very idealistic dreamer with a bit of a savior complex (hello charles xavier). not the sharpest social skills.
Favourite subject at school?
in high school it was english just because it was so fucking easy bc i was fluent lol
in uni any of my literature classes
Least favourite subject:
hated physics in hs i was so fucking bad at it. and in uni i'd had ENOUGH of pedagogy classes they were soooo boring and repetitive
What's your best character trait?
im very honest and if i love you i will do anything for you
What's your worst character trait?
probably snapping at ppl sometimes. i know its terrible but i really try not to and i always apologize. up until last year also i always let ppl treat me like shit and didnt set boundaries. im unlearning that now.
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?
have enough money to only focus on my studies and not have to work lol
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?
maybe kim jonghyun. he was my favorite singer when i was younger and he passed away in 2017 :( he was such a great person :(
im not sure who has already been tagged in this but ill tag @caramelc0rgi , @foxherder , @disasterhals , @eriknocherikyes , @stinkrat-aleks , @mooniel, @eriksdefender and any other moots who'd like to do this!
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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Tired of living in a period of enabled overconsumption and the quality of everything being replaced for cheaper alternatives with only higher prices. Tired of corporations being able to get away with selling products that won't last. Tired of unnecessary mass manufacturing. Tired of trends and impulsive purchases being encouraged by companies. Tired of celebrities being worshipped whilst they help destroy the environment. Tired of micro transactions and blatantly invasive advertisements everywhere. Tired of false advertisement, misinformation and clickbait being normalised. Tired of corporate fear mongering and blatant disregard of human livelihoods.
I'm so tired of all the wastefulness and cruelty and how corporations can just get away with it.
#dont get me started on corporations that make millions who don't pay their workers accordingly and give them inhumane hours#or those “doctors” on social media that are clearly just trying to get you to buy products and people fall for it#or “influencers” who you'd swear couldn't lick jeff bezos' boots any harder than they already do with their “amazon finds”#mlm schemes have been around forever but they're getting worse with how they reel people in#the rampant hate and disgusting shit that goes unchecked online makes me sick#especially when posts online are deliberately spreading misinformation just to fuel the hate for minorities#I feel like humanity is going back in time god#the casual racism all the time makes me so sick#and the homophobia#“theres no ethical consumption under capitalism!” yeah but that doesnt mean you need to buy 50 fucking reusable cups from target or whereve#the state of the environment isn't the average person's fault of course but there's no need for all this mass consumption please#yes corporations are literally pouring sewage and litter in the ocean but please just try please#we can't fix it on our own but we can try to not make things worse#please find joy in things that aren't spending thousands on a corporate product#please#I need to lie down honestly#mick squeaks#not sonic#environment#anti corporations#anti consumption#anti consumerism#please don't get all “oh so we can't be happy now??” because this isn't an attack this is a plea
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as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit
it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now
#re:kinder#fanart#aya re:kinder#aya hibino#i state shes my daughter NOW because before i didnt pay too big of a mind to her#but honestly in each different playthrough of this game i gain new appreciation for each character#because fun fact ryou was my favorite character at first just because he seemed nice and was a healer and was nice#second playthrough brought in rei and shunsuke in my mind because they ate it up wirh their roles in the story#meanwhile as time passed yuuichi started to grow on me as i realized he was a little too relatable BASICALLY THINGS LIKE THAT#and spoilers for the unspecified project mentioned in the text just because i feel like it#i also did this because having a transcript of every line just spurred me on becquse of how easy it made things#its much more fun to start doing these kind of line based doodles when you dont have to manually go througj hours of gameplay to find stuff#so just being ablr to ctrl f through a document made me very glad HEUEHEHEBEHR#im still working on it it needs proofreading and polishing on some sides but overall it should be here soon i hope#if anyones interested in it do let me know HUEHEHEBRB i will post it regardless but it would be nice to know if anyone is interested#ANYWAY#as to why Aya seems to have a purse when her sprite doesnt its because her equipment mentions her carrying a yellow pouch#its meant to be that!!!#she looks very goofy with it on made me giggle ngl#(as in. amusement)#it adds more interest to her visual design so its nice to have it there im glad its there#OH YEAH SOME COMMENTARY ON ONE OF HER LINES HERE THAT REALLY PIQUED MY INTEREST#if sayaka dies and shes there to see it (thus. you chose to bring her with you) she has this line#where it implies that shes afraid of dying which makes things sad when she's suicidal#she already states i think her desire is more to disappear than to die exactly but even then it's quite sad#like even if she wants to disappear with how gloomy she's feeling and all the things going around with her parents#shes just a little girl who doesn't want to die😭😭#it really adds a sense of realism to how depression is tackled in game at least for me#that when one is depressed and suicidal a lot of the time it's the wish for this state of suffering to end rather than to actually die#SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER ITS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT UPPED MY APPRECIATION FOR HER
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Ask the librarian subreddit about getting my degree online and the responses were not encouraging to put it simply😭 other reddit posts asking have better comments? It’s different everywhere I look girl I just want to be a librarian why is life so hard😭
#I’m pretty locked in on librarian path so doesn’t matter😭#I actually really would love to be one it’s just the process is hard#I have to get my masters online because the closest colleges that offer masters in library science are at least an hour away and you need#your masters to be a librarian#like not an if you need it#some programs are only a year but most are like a year and a half so likely will still be in school and at home until 2026/2027 at quickest#I don’t have to work in a library there’s lots of places that have libraries but all of them need a degree#it’s just the most realistic job path for me where I can make a living and also be sane#not amazing pay but enough to be stable after a few years#the dream would be working in a museum and I saw one person say they got their degree in library science and now work in a museum so nothing#is really set in stone yet#idk#slowly dawning on me that now I’m like an official adult like college is still like a medium but now I’m a big girl#it’s scary and I feel like every time I read anything about the job market it’s bad#literally my only goal is to be able to move out and rent a one bedroom apartment in a relatively safe town that allows pets that’s the#dream#I am happy but scared#rae’s rambles
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I should be asleep I’ll hate myself tomorrow, but while I’m preparing myself to go to sleep I remembered the dream I had last night and remembered that I thought in my dream that it would make a good story but now I don’t remember anything and I’m mad fbskndjd I haven’t write in so long, especially with characters that aren’t my long time ocs or fanfic it would have been good to think about something new but yeah 🥲
#i just remember there was 3 girls#and for once I don’t think I was one ??? I feel like I was mostly watching#i remember romance a lot of it ????#like evil vs good a lot also some powers maybe vampires ????? one girl I think ????#also what guy would they chose between 2 each but at the end it wasn’t the case I was only imagining one guy#now you will say but Alex that’s a lot you remember#a kiss and a school sitting is not enough to remember what was happening 😭 kfbskdns#I’ll try to remember more or take what I remember and have fun with it ckdbjxbdjd#anyway now I’m going to sleep I’m waking up in 4 hours 🤪#my dad better be in a good mood cause I probably won’t (period + lack of sleep is NOT a good mix kfbskdns)#he usually is on Sundays when we work together I think he put aside everything we usually fight about cause he has to pay me so if he makes#me cry I won’t be a good help fkdbdjd#also he already paid me in advance cause he wanted to#be sure he dosen’t use the money by accident ckbdjdjd#Idk what I’m doing with my calculation but I’m suppose to have 200$ a month but I feel like I never have enough money ????#cause I don’t have a lot left enough for my phone at least ????#(because it’s 50$ each Sunday)#oh wait now I rememeber Sowon’s food 😐 80 freaking dollars 😭#but at least I won’t have to buy one until like January maybe even February 😭#but she need this type of food or her stomach hurts :( (and something else that is nasty bdjsbs)#that’s why I start taking commissions to at least be sure to pay for pills if I get like one commission a month 💙#anyway good night !#alex.txt
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Oh fuck I forgot the rest of my psych testing was next Wednesday 😭 seven hours of ppl asking me questions and shit ooohhhh goddddd
#on the bright side DID get the call today that confirmed insurance is covering the vast majority of it#so I only have to pay 45 dollars#which.#is INSANELY cheap for psych testing I definitely got super lucky there#I’m honestly shocked that’s all I have to cover#but yeah I am still nervous#and I do know it’s gonna be an incredibly long exhausting day#also I have to drive an hour to get to the place where it’s happening#so#one week from now I get to be grilled over all my psychological issues ig#maybe they’ll finally decide I actually am crazy and put me on the insane ppl drugs#one can hope and dream I feel more and more like I just need to be sedated every goddamn day#kaz rambles
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dropping hints that we are in need of financial assistance and i'll take any help at this point
paypal.me/ceboidea
#just please select no address needed#i am really appreciative of reblogs and any help means a lot#wasted gas money going to a sketchy ass job interview and im just#like yes its cool to have gauranteed work in the fall but we have rent to pay Right Now#my immune system flares up if im outside for a damn hour and im reaching a point where i feel like the only use i have in this world is#illustrating and thats it
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🥰
#not snz#i got ✨ rescued ✨ yesterday after all lmao#no and i fucking told him to go around so he wouldn't have to drive through literal fucking flame#so i figured from the time he said he was gonna come it was gonna take him like at least three hours#my face when he was there in a little over half an hour#when it's about forty minute drive if you speed#like okay just bc the roads are closed and you CAN go as fast as you want doesn't mean you SHOULD#like i was grateful but wtf was that#and just so we're all on the same page here a shit ton of roads are closed even if you go all the way the fuck around#so no getting my parents to come still wasn't an option bc they would've needed some sort of license to give them access#anyway he hugged me immediately upon seeing me and i told him to stop bc I'm gross and covered in dirt and soot and whatnot#this man did not fucking care 🥺#so then he took me to get proper food first and foremost lmao#then we went back to his place bc it was closer and his roommates were once again Not There#rip to them but they both know trades and decided to work anyway bc so many people are paying so much money rn#and i showered for like a fucking hour trying to scrub all the smoke smell off#then he gave me one of his shirts to wear 🥰#and sweatpants with the drawstring so I'd actually be able to tighten them lmao but even still they were too fucking big#then we just hung out on the couch most of the evening#and I'm congested and keep coughing bc my respiratory system wants to die from the smoke#and i was apologizing half the night and he kept being like stfu lmao#he kept kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back like 🥺#also coming as a surprise to no one i am into med play#so you can imagine how i was feeling when he wanted to make sure i wasn't about to keel over#like stop it you're making it intimate and I'm shy about it lmaoo#also i love that both of our go to thing is 'no I'm worried and need to check myself' lmaoooo#anyway so he checked me over and i feel like i was just going 🥺 the whole time ahdkslls#and then he made me tea and just kept a steady flow of hot drinks and snacks going until we went to the bedroom#and I'm so fucking hoarse now and still coughing and sniffling and my entire body hurts bad but he's being so attentive and gentle like 🥺🥺#partner posting
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#i need a good reason to not kill myself because the world feels so fucking hostile right now and theres nowhere i can go to safety#my bank account is Seven Hundred And Thirty Dollars in the negatives. i have bills coming up this week. i have no hours at my job#i went to a job interview yesterday for fucking taco bell THATS how desperate i am. and im not even 100% sure if im gonna get it or not#and if i do get it my life will be miserable and i wont have time for anything else in my life im like actually terrified#i have so much Trauma from shitty unstable jobs for my whole adult life that it just feels painful to think about#i cant afford to live i cant afford to be homeless either#i should just die like genuinely im at the end of my rope i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this#im so stressed im so overwhelmed its so difficult to work on art because of this#my life is actively crumbing away beneath my feet the last thing i want to do is draw pictures#but i have to. i have no other choice i Have to#the world is better off without me in it OBVIOUSLY. like all i hear about constantly is how much trans people dont deserve to live#i shouldve considered this before i decided to be born the way i am#i never asked to be born into this. i wish i never was. i wish i wasnt alive right now#i dont want to live i dont want a life i dont want to keep on going if its just going to be like this all the time#i hate feeling this way because of MONEY. I HATE MONEY. MONEY ISNT REAL UNTIL IT IS REAL AND THEN ITS EXTREMELY REAL.#money is only real for poor people and thats what ive learned in my time on this earth#btw im not okay and nothing anyone can say to me will make me feel better because theres no fucking point in anything#i got denied for food stamps and welfare also btw lol like im doing everything i can to improve my life but everything sucks and is hard#and i dont have a safety net and im falling and falling and falling and im about to splat hard on the concrete#i have to do laundry and clean my room and make breakfast and work on art and all of that while knowing i cant pay my bills#i dont know why suddenly it feels impossible to do fucking anything. like theres no other choice but to suffer#it feels like the world is ending and Yes im having a catastrophic breakdown right now and i just need to shout into the void#i'll feel better after i eat but i need to get dressed first and i have no clean clothes so i have to do laundry#but i have to collect my clothes off of the floor and i have 0 energy bc i havent eaten and im stressed and fucked up#UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DIES#things could absolutely be worse right now but this is about as bad as they can be before that happens. lol
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