#but now that I think about it this is mostly grief and angst so idk about joy actually | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gardenofnoah · 1 year ago

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it lives where i live

part four

tags: healing, angst, hurt/comfort, childhood friends to ????, hopeful ending

wc: 2k

note: this was a weird thing for me to finish. i feel like i’ve changed so much as a writer and this chapter reflects that. i changed the pov for this chapter because i felt like it was important to see all of touya’s growth and inner turmoil directly. idk y’all this was my baby and it’s weird to say it’s done (also claps for bea for actually finishing a chaptered fic). alright love u be good

Touya starts to get it.

He has no idea what it is–only that he feels different, and he thinks that’s a good thing, maybe. He assumes it is, because there’s been considerably more enthusiastic head nods from his therapist through his screen each week.

It’s new. The therapist, anyway–the Hero Commission sanctioned therapist’s check ins (a generous title, considering the lack of any real therapy) had fizzled out and stopped all together soon enough, and it was at the tail end of another one sided phone conversation with Natsuo that he’d heard of a shrink with a reputation for treating those who’d been harmed by heroes.

“She has a surprisingly booked schedule,” Natsuo had said, half in jest and not without a tangible weight. If nothing else, Touya was curious–and bored. With nothing better to do, he decided to try a session. Before he knew it, he’d sat through the better part of four.

He doesn’t talk much–mostly because he’d talked a whole lot on a national scale and really, what else could he possibly have to say?–but lately, he’s found himself full of questions he doesn’t know how to ask. It’s hard–he doesn’t feel particularly brave these days, and to get his mouth to shift into the shapes of the words is enough of a challenge. But he tries–he figures that has to count for something.

He wants to understand your anger. There’s a weight to it–one that smacks into him solidly every time he’s on the other end of it. He’s not unfamiliar with anger–he’s been pissing people off for years now. But yours is different. Yours is heavy–you hate him and you run your fingers through his hair when he hides his tears in the toilet bowl and heaves out everything he’s buried deep inside himself at two in the morning. It’s not so easy to wrap his head around that part.

“Your friend.”

It comes through the speaker as a statement and not a question, and he scowls. Is that what you are to him? He’d been so sure that he’d never had a friend. But that can’t be right, can it? When everyone had moved on and away from him, but you had not—was that your friendship? The word tastes bitter and unsatisfactory on his tongue, but he doesn’t have a better one. He nods.

“Is that so surprising, Touya?”

He says nothing, only glaring into the camera. She sighs, wholly unimpressed.

“Think about it. You’ve mourned someone and then they show up out of nowhere, and they’re not that person you’ve been keeping in your heart all of this time. It’s like…a second death.” She says, tapping a finger to her chin as if to summon the words. “Another cycle of grief on top of the first. That’s a lot to feel, no?”

And he…knows that. You’d made it pretty clear, of course, but he feels it, now–like a rash. Your grief sits on his skin and festers in a way that his did not. His burned hot and fast and left him empty, and he woke up without a thought of what the consequences of that fire would be. Yours hit him like a brick wall the second he stepped foot through your door. That brick wall only gave way to cement–unending, uncomfortable.

It feels wrong to interfere with it–like for all he took away from you, this is the least he could give you. He can handle the anger, of course–he can sit in your white-knuckled fury and let it close in on him. That’s fine.

The crying is another thing entirely.

It’s not as if Touya is a stranger to tears, either–he saw his fair share of them wet the faces of those he cut down. Just like the anger, it never particularly bothered him. Not like yours do.

And maybe it’s because he doesn’t see them. The only indication that there are tears comes when he lays completely still at night, and he can just barely hear your sniffles through the wall. Something about it feels bad–unfair, maybe, the way you wait until you think he’s sleeping to let out what you’ve been holding on to. He almost wants to laugh at you–he’s already put you through this much. He would deserve to have all of the aftermath be aimed right at him.

But to lie to himself is evidently not off limits, because it does affect him. Every once in a while he’ll hear a whimper that twists his gut into a tight knot. He thinks of the promise he made you, all of those years ago. He tries not to, but your crying fishes it back to the surface–his stupid, idiot promises to protect you no matter what. Only to become the knife that keeps your hands pinned to the table. He doesn’t know how to protect you from himself. He finds himself still taking from you.

“Alright,” he mutters, coming back to himself. “M’hanging up.”

His therapist only laughs. “We made it 20 minutes this time!”

He starts eating dinner with you. You’ve been dropping little half-invitations for the last few weeks, and he��s been readily avoiding them. To sit across from you at your table feels too much like a confrontation–and the cowardice that he’s become accustomed to shuts it down before he’s even had time to really consider it.

But tonight you’re eating on the couch in front of the TV, and that feels better. In the dark and with a distraction, he doesn’t have to fully face you. He can think of you and you’ll be none the wiser.

He sneaks glances at you from the other side of the couch and finds himself struck–not for the first time–at how for all of the ways you are different now, you are still the same as you were when he was 13. He knows it’s nothing to do with how you look and everything to do with the way that you are–an anchor that both terrifies and comforts him. He woke up in that hospital bed and knew you were there on the other side of the glass before he opened his eyes.

Is that what friendship is?

He shakes himself out of his head when he feels you squirming next to him. From the corner of his eye he watches you fight with the blanket you’ve swaddled yourself in, somewhere between amused and endeared. It’s an unfamiliar feeling and yet, it feels like he’s felt it toward you all his life. He gives you another second to sort it out yourself before he feels bad. He forgets where he is, he forgets himself–he doesn’t think at all when he wraps his fingers around your foot to free it from the fabric tangling it.

Both of you freeze. For an aching moment, neither one of you blinks. And then you wrench your leg away from him like he’s burned you.

“Sorry,” you mumble, already standing, already shaking. “Sorry, I just–”

But you’re already halfway down the hall–voice tapered off in an explanation he doesn’t need to hear you finish because he already knows. Your door shuts quietly behind you, but creates such a divide between you that you may as well have broken it off its hinges. He doesn’t have to be still to know what’s happening on the other side of it.

He can’t listen to you cry again. His body makes the decision before his mind does, and when it finally catches up he’s standing in the middle of your room.

You’ve gone completely silent–he’s not even sure you’re breathing. Rigid and curled into yourself, you look pitiful. Something about it is hard to look at. His stomach twists and before he can stop himself, he’s reaching for the covers and sliding into the bed next to you. He closes his eyes and his body forms to yours on a memory he doesn’t have but feels he must. You make a wounded sound like he’s just punched you.

“Touya,” it’s barely a whisper and wholly a warning. There’s so much pain in your voice it makes him nauseous. He ignores it, snaking his arm around your waist to pull you to him. “Touya–”

“Just let it out,” he murmurs, resting his forehead between your shoulder blades. “Please. Let it go.”

He feels you freeze–and then the breath leaves you so violently it startles him. He’s almost relieved when he hears the accompanying cry.

He keeps his head pressed to the curve of your back in some strange hope that he might absorb your grief into himself. If he could just carry this, it’d be better. For you, anyway–he’s certain that what you’ve been carrying around would be enough to put him down, but he’d drop dead at your feet if it meant you could be free of what he’s done to you.

His arm tightens around you when he feels you start to fight his grip. “The hell are you doing–”

“Please,” you whimper–only half audible through a tight throat–and it renders him silent. “I just need to see you.”

He can do nothing but let you twist around, and he immediately wishes he’d have fought you on it, because to see your face right now is too much.

Even in the dark your eyes find his and for the first time he can easily name the sadness that permeates into his bones. Sudden and tender like a wound, it’s only a second before he’s pulling you closer for his sake–anything to not have to see. He’d burn the whole world down to not have to see what he’s done.

It's odd, knowing that it’s not necessarily guilt he feels–instead it is a mountain of what can only be his grief, looming and jagged with no perceivable path up it. He looks at you and you reflect back at him a version of yourselves he’d left behind. He takes in your gap toothed smiles and grubby fingers interlocked and tastes iron.

“I was afraid you were really gone.” Your chest shudders harshly against his own. It’s awful–the whole thing. He’s certain he’s never felt like this.

“Yeah,” he can’t get his voice above a whisper. “Me too.”

It’s painful—the child in him that he believed to be destroyed. Looking him in the face now, you stand next to him, but a step behind. That hurts more than anything—the outstretched hand that he never reached for. How different things would have been if he’d have just turned around. He understands now—he’d left you both back there.

He holds you to his chest and feels, for the first time since back then, when something is knocked loose in his chest. He’s not afraid that he’ll bleed all over your bed, because he knows he already is. Something about the certainty of the way you are there, and he is right here next to you, shakes him. There are no tears left in him to shed, so instead he tries to steady shuddering gasps tucked into the crook of your neck.

And then it’s his turn to be held, and that’s painful too, because his skin is still so sensitive and his heart is breaking and god, does he wish he would’ve turned around.

He opens his mouth to say something and can only let loose a tiny, choked sound into the silence, and you understand. But that’s not enough—he needs to try. He needs you to know—to hear him and see that he tried.

“I wanted to find you.”

It shatters the quiet that’s been settled around the two of you. He wonders if it’s a cruel thing to say. He doesn’t know how to gauge your silence. He settles on filling it.

“Didn’t know how,” he whispers to the ceiling, “Was too late—I was too late—“

“Touya.” You stop his spiral and you sound tired. You lay shoulder to shoulder now, and when your fingertips drag up his palm and weave between his own, it feels like you’ve touched down to bone marrow.

“It’s not too late,” you tell him, turning your head to look him in the eye, “it’s not.”

There in the dark of your room, he thinks he could believe you.

#todoroki touya x reader #todoroki touya x you #dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi hurt comfort #mha fic #mha long fic #fic: it lives where i live

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iamthecomet · 2 years ago

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Prompts? Maybe you could do Swiss x aether, comfort? Idk for what, just comfort and fluff!!

Double (triple) dipping for today's Mushy May prompt(s).

Mushy May Day 11

Prompt: First I love you / Unspoken I love you. Rating: Teen Pairing: Aether/Swiss & Past Aether/Terzo Featuring: Angst. Grieving. Nightmares. Longing. Grief does weird things to people (and ghouls). Comfort. Quintessence. Word Count: 950+ Read under the cut, or on AO3.

Love is an easy thing with them. The pack is full of it. Casual I love yous thrown over shoulders. The press of thumbs over knuckles, the slide of fingers together. They all fit together. Bonded by experience, by undeniable kinship.

Aether feels it. Feels the swell of love, the burn of it in his chest. And he thinks about saying it back when Cumulus calls it to him. Thinks about whispering it in Dew’s ear when they’re curled up together. Thinks about letting those words fall off of his tongue again.

It’s been…he could pretend he doesn’t know. He could just say it’s been a while. It’s been almost a year. He can pretend that he doesn’t know this down to the day—the minute almost.

He wonders if Dew and Mountain have noticed. He’d be stupid to think they haven’t. He used to whisper it to their skin without thought. Easy to mouth the words against the hollow of Mountain’s hip. To gift it to them so freely. It feels impossible now. Weighted with grief.

There are moments it bubbles up in his throat. Mostly with Dew and Mountain. Familiar. Part of his old pack. Ghouls who know how he used to be. Ones he knows inside and out. He almost says it when he drags his fingers over the scars where Dew’s fins and gills used to be. But instead he calls him pretty, presses his lips to those places, offers up affection in devotion instead of words that don’t mean anything, but somehow mean everything.

He doesn’t think about it. Or, he tells himself he doesn’t think about it. That he doesn’t remember it when he’s laying alone in his bed. That he doesn’t think about it when Rain presses his lips to Aether’s temple and whispers it.

He thinks about him all the time. Those thoughts feel like contraband in an Abbey that has forgotten him. In the middle of pack where more than half of them never met him. He’s a ghost shared by Dew, and Mountain, and Aether. And Dew and Mountain never talk about him. They talk about Ifrit and Zephyr and Mist sometimes. Fondly. Tinged with lingering grief. But no one says Terzo’s name. A silent, oppressive, ghost that haunts their every move.

Aether can’t outrun him. Doesn’t want to. He plays that moment over in his head on a loop. Terzo’s hand scratching through Aether’s hair. Aether’s head pressed against his bare chest. Skin sticky with sweat. Terzo’s heart was hammering, breath still stuttering. He’d laughed, raspy and bright.

I think I love you. He’d said like a revelation.

Aether’d looked up at him. Violet eyes gone wide. Really?

Yeah. Terzo’d nodded, smiling down at Aether, face as open as he’d ever seen it, affection obvious. I do.

Good. Aether’d growled. Surging up to pull Terzo into a claiming kiss. I know I love you.

Aether dreams about it. Wakes from the dreams gasping just as it all starts to go wrong. Just when Aether is stumbling into Terzo’s room the next day to find him sprawled on the floor, cold, stiff. Gone. Aether can’t escape it. Even now. When Swiss is curled around him, purring deeply. He’s awake, dragged there by Terzo’s ghost. An insistent reminder of the last time he let those words fall from his lips. He knows it’s stupid. Saying them again doesn’t change anything. Not saying them doesn’t make Terzo less dead.

Swiss grumbles as Aether moves, fingers tightening against his side. The purr cuts off. Aether feels a wave of guilt.

“Sorry,” he whispers into the dark. Swiss nuzzles his face into Aether’s neck. “’s fine.”

“Go back to sleep.” Aether reaches up to sink his fingers into Swiss’ curls, to pet against his scalp. Swiss sighs, sinks deeper into Aether’s hold.

“You ok?”

Aether can’t talk about it. Maybe someday, maybe in the daylight. But not now. Not like this. But he doesn’t want to lie either. He opts for a shrug.

“Bad dream?”

“Sort of. Memories mostly.”

Swiss hums like he understands. “Want help getting back to sleep?”

“What?”

“I know I don’t advertise like you do, but I’ve got some tricks.” Swiss picks up one of his hands to waggle his fingers in front of Aether’s face. Aether can feel him smiling against his neck.

Aether knew about Swiss’ quintessence since the moment he was summoned. Like calls to like. He could feel it. But Aether’s never seen him use it. He’s watched Swiss set fire to plenty of things. Watched him turn into shadow at a moments notice. He’s seen him do a hundred incredible things with his mixed powers. But never soothe a headache, or dig into someone’s brain and put them on their knees.

“I’ll be gentle,” Swiss promises.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

Swiss rolls his eyes. He presses his hand against Aether’s neck, and Aether feels the familiar cold of quintessence slip through his skin. Swiss is gentle. Aether can feel the way he prods at the anxiety knotting in Aether’s brain, at the tension in his shoulders, gentle tendrils easing him toward relaxation. Aether sags against the bed, eyes slipping closed as Swiss works. Mental energy finding knots and untying them. Pulling him toward boneless. When he’s done, Aether’s the one purring, a raspy rumble. Swiss kisses his temple, laughing softly as he does. “Better.”

Aether pulls Swiss closer, gluing their bodies together as tight as he can. “You should advertise.”

“Dew would never let me up if I did.” Swiss settles his face back into the crook of Aether’s neck. “Glad I could help.”

“Swiss,” Aether says, voice quiet. He’s floating, adrift on warmth and love and the high of quintessence. The words are right here, so easy.

“Hmm?”

“I—”

“I know,” Swiss cuts him off. Aether’s immediately grateful for it. “I love you too.”

#comet writes #ficlet #mushy may #request #anon #angst #hurt/comfort #swiss/aether #aether/swiss #aether ghoul #swiss ghoul #aether/terzo #terzo/aether #ghost fic #ghost fanfic #ghost fanfiction

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tis-i-bi-oxirito · 5 months ago

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Hi hiiiii I don’t post often so idk how to start this, but I wanna talk about (and bring back) an AU I made over a year ago, back in may 2023. I ended up dropping it for various reasons, but I was thinking about it today so here we are :D (The first chapter of the fic I had planned to write is still up on AO3)

Long story short, it’s a WxS angst AU (although mostly Rui angst, the other also get their turn) called the Remembrance AU. Not to worry! I intend for the ending to be a happy one. Since I made so long ago, WxS are still in their first/second year of high school, so it’s also the case in this AU. Anyways, here goes (details under the cut):

While rehearsing for a show, the roof of the stage collapses (damaged due to a storm the previous night, not that anyone noticed) on the people practicing. Those people being Emu, Tsukasa and Nene. They don’t make it. Rui, having been watching from the benches to do his director stuff, witnesses the whole thing and understandably feels Not Very Good about the whole thing. He fears that one of his inventions was the cause for a while (it wasn’t). In his grief, he decides to write a book about his friends, so that they can be remembered. So that he doesn’t forget. He even goes as far as asking anyone who he is aware knew his friends to get stories about them from others sources. So their portrayals are as accurate as possible.

At 19 years old, not too long after having published the book, he wakes up in a weird dimension tht looks like a library. He believes it to be a Sekai for a moment (he misses the Wonderland Sekai and its inhabitants…), until he is greeted by a weird shadowy figure. The figure tells him that this dimension is the place where everyone’s memories are stored, both alive and dead, both remembered and forgotten. The figure also says that they’re the guardien of this place, its Librarian. But they’ve been doing this for a long time, they’re tired and want to pass their job to someone else. They say that they were very impressed with Rui’s passion to immortalize his friends’ memories in a book, and that they would like for Rui to be their successor. The downside to this would be that Rui would have to let go of his own memories.

Rui is afraid. He’s angry. He worked so hard for his friends to be remembered, and now someone wants to take that away? No. No way. But then again… those memories are out into the world now. What does it change if he forgets? All remembering does is hurt. So… so he accepts. Rui becomes the new Librarian.

Meanwhile, in the real world, over a decade later, a reincarnated Emu has her first conversation with a reincarnated Nene, and Nene’s older brother Tsukasa, also reincarnated (they don’t know). Due to a twist of fate, they end up in a weird dimension that looks like a library…

And the rest is to be told another time ;) I would really love to hear any of you guys’ feedback, and if you have any questions, additions or anything, don’t hesitate to tell me :D (my asks are open!!)

#kamishiro rui #tenma tsukasa #kusanagi nene #otori emu #rui kamishiro #tuskasa tenma #nene kusanagi #emu otori #wonderland x showtime #Remembrance AU

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iasmelaion · 2 months ago

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In the spirit of the post you just reblogged and because I only just stumbled my way to being obsessed with this fic, would you like to talk about the backstory/impetus behind "join the monster squad"?

I have so many feelings about trauma recovery and how people carry the pain they've been dealt, and you rendered it in such a grounded way with Yelena and the many (oh God SO MANY) former assassins in the Avengers' orbit.

Yes, always!!

So, the backstory behind this fic is that I had an idea kicking around my fic notes file for literal YEARS that was just: "post-Endgame Bucky's support group for traumatized ex-assassins and non-con science experiments." Because yeah, when I thought about it, the MCU was ABSOLUTELY FULL of traumatized ex-assassins and non-con science experiments, and I was like, "hmm, there's a possibly funny, possibly sad story in that." The idea lingered on, unwritten, and eventually I was like, well, maybe it's not Bucky's support group, but Natasha's, and then it lingered some more, mostly because I covered the ground I wanted to with these two in other fics, so the prospect of writing this fic with either of those two felt kind of boring.

But then after I wrote "a balanced, careful weave" from Yelena's POV, I realized the fic could also work as a Yelena fic, and then it all clicked! It's not exactly a sequel to "a balanced, careful weave", but they do take place in the same fic universe, so that one might shed some more light on Yelena. Mostly though, writing Yelena's voice is an absolute delight, so I was excited to try out the premise with her.

Writing it from Yelena's POV was much more interesting to me than writing it from Bucky or Natasha's, mostly because I think Yelena has a very different view of her circumstances and her trauma than either of those two do. She's very pragmatic, and she has very different needs and desires than either Bucky or Natasha. Where Bucky and Natasha are pretty concerned with guilt and redemption and the red in their ledgers--or, as Yelena herself observes, where they're still suffering as a result of their pasts--Yelena seems like the kind of person who can just move on without angsting about it too much. Not that she's amoral or anything, but she just doesn't seem interested in dwelling, or in blaming herself. She doesn't want to fit in anyone's neat and organized system of trauma classification, and in fact, she doesn't. She's clear-eyed about her situation, maybe almost uncomfortably so. And she's doing great, all things considered!

My thesis statement about Yelena's perspective on her experience is basically set forth in the fic here:

Yelena had been childish clay molded into the vessel of a Black Widow—there is little point in mourning or missing the clay she had been. She is whole and unbroken as she is, even if the shape she’s been molded into is dangerous, even if she’s still kind of hollow now that all the chemical compulsion and orders have been poured out.

...

Yelena’s not trying to put herself back together; she’s just trying to fill herself up.

So the question I asked myself was, well, if the ex-assassin and non-con experimentation of it all is not where her trauma is, if that's not what she's still struggling with, what is? And I thought, what we do see her canonically concerned with is her family, and her fellow Widows, so I tackled her trauma from that angle. I did in fact want to show the different ways people carry the pain they've been dealt, and how sometimes that's not going to be in ways you might expect. Like, Yelena is not wracked with guilt over the people she killed, she's not dwelling on the horrors of being made into a Black Widow; none of that is how her trauma is bubbling up or continuing to impact her. The worst of the grief and pain she carries is about her fellow Black Widows, and her perceived failure to save them.

Idk, I guess it all just boils down to me wanting to try a different perspective on this kind of trauma and grief! I wanted it to be true that Yelena is doing really well, that she's genuinely quite happy now that she has a new family she's built and work she's proud of that she can do freely, but that she's also still pretty damn fucked up. With the support group, I wanted to show all these different kinds of ways these characters are dealing with similar back stories, how none of them are right, per se, but that they can all find some more peace and healing by being in community with each other.

One other thing about the fic is that I briefly considered ending it with her finding her fellow Widows--for what it's worth, my authorial intent is that she will in fact eventually find them--but in the end I thought the more important thing was that Yelena hadn't given up hope that she would find them, and that she could now accept help to find them.

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uhuraisgay · 10 months ago

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fic writer meme

ty lore @megafaunatic for tagging meee :3c

How many works do you have on Ao3?

fifty three as of today. tomorrow? who knows.... (probably still fifty three)

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

518,435 words .... wrow.....

3. What fandoms do you write for?

historically its been all over the place but theres so much stuff rotting and dying in my gdrive that has never been posted so i feel like i have a broader actual ouvre than is represented on ao3. which is mdzs heavy at least in the past couple years

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. beyond all limit (wangxian i wrote for lore right after i first read the book) 4. if the story's over (moshang post-divorce get-together fic) 3. someone as good for me as you (written in 2016 for holster and ransom when i was reading check, please. LMAO) 2. at least as deep as the pacific ocean (written in 2015 in the clearest example of 'person distraught by the tragic ending of a tragedy misses the fucking point and writes a coffee shop au of achilles and patroclus after she read tsoa' ever, even bigger LMAO) 1. your name safe in their mouth (lsz gets his dad back, and other emotional adventures)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to try to reply to every comment i got but i stopped doing that around the same time i went to college and got more depressed. but i love reading comments and i sometimes reply if someone says something that moves me or like. asks me a question about the fic that i want to elaborate on? because i love to yap

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm not really good at writing straight angst i feel like it's normally like. angst with catharsis. but i wrote some explorations on grief in the past couple years that i feel like have the angst factor (what i have of you about nhs after nmj dies, and then when your beard fell out about my sweetie pie kageyama tobio in middle school after his grandpa dies)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have a lot of silly fluffy fics... idk i try to toe the line mostly of like. the joys and sadnesses of human experience but sometimes you just gotta fluff it up. i'll set the table, you can make the fire, which is book verse aziraphale/crowley living in a cottage and being in love, comes to mind....i love that one

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i don't think i've ever really gotten hate on a fic? i have been extremely lucky in that regard. especially since my whole ouvre from like 2014 onward is on that damn site and much of it is very cringeworthy.

9. Do you write smut?

not well!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

i often will do like kind of a quasi-crossover kind of thing rather than a True Crossover wherein i take characters i like from one medium and plop them into the roles and places of characters i like from another medium. i did a dragon age wangxian fic where lwj was the inquisitor from da:i called we held together the fragile sky that kind of exemplifies this dynamic

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of or that anyone has ever notified me of, but i also don't look that hard. if this has ever happened, it would hurt my feelings, so please don't do it ? lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! and i was honored

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not as such but i have one not-intended-for-posting fic which is basically just a transcription of jokes i have with my roommate about haikyuu characters LOL which i think counts as co-writing. she's my co-writer in spirit even if i'm the one at the keyboard

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

my answer to this changes with every new fixation i have. like right now it's kagehina. if you asked me four years ago i would have said wangxian. You Know?

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO MANY...i think probably my fullmetal alchemist nie brothers au....i try not to post things until they are done and fully edited now, but that one was a whim-based fic that i lost all strength for as soon as i started thinking too hard about kagehina. i also had a fem nielan sci fi au that was vaguely based off beauty and the beast but nmj was like stuck in a ship and she thought she was its computer and that she was a program but she was actually a person....which i never posted any of except snippets on twitter and i think it was just too sprawling for my current skill level...i just was never able to wrangle it. but i am fond of it nonetheless

16. What are your writing strengths?

based on what other people have told me i would say the way i write sibling / family relationships, and while my prose is not always pretty i do think it can be pretty at times ...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i feel like it's often too self-indulgent even if that's what fic is for lol, and i tend to look back on fics and think, i wrote that because i had feelings about it and wanted to say it, but i'm not necessarily sure that This Character would say/do that at this point in time....idk like i fear that when i don't think about it hard enough my characterization can be weak or guided by what eye personally would do vs. what The Character would do. but some of that is because the majority of my fics on ao3 are from years and years ago and i (hopefully) have continued to improve

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i'm picky about it but when it's done well i think it's really fun and builds so much of the world/character. i think when it's bad it's really bad. when i go about it i try to think about like, a) do i know this language myself/do i know someone who does. if the answer is no i try to keep it really minimal. b) how do people who know multiple languages approach speaking those multiple languages naturally in real life. like (IN MY EXPERIENCE) ppl don't tend to switch languages for random words mid-sentence unless those words are like, mom, dad, uncle, aunt, ect...maybe swearing if they're less familiar with one of the languages and don't know slang/swearing in it...but again when it's done well it's really good and i'm not an expert. i just can kinda tell when it feels off when i read it, if that makes sense...(it's the same way i feel about grammar lol. sometimes i can just tell it's a little Off)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

probably either fma or soul eater or the sister's grimm book series when i was in middle school. or maybe doctor who? idk i had a lot of fanfic notebooks that i have since destroyed and then regretted destroying

20. Favorite fic you have written?

at the present moment it's in these coming years my kagehina love letter but again i feel like it changes constantly. like the more i write the better i get and the more the newest/most polished thing i've written sort of Becomes my favorite just by default of my satisfaction level with it. sorry if that's a bad answer

tagging @yuebings @dcyiyou @burins @cairoscene @cafecliche @perilously sorry if you've been tagged already also if you want to do this and i didn't tag you just say i did. I'll shut up now

#look at me. president of yap city #anyway here's my Distinguished Writing Thoughts.

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klarion-the-witch-boy · 11 months ago

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20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @marirah! Love you, babe 😘

I'm TheWitchBoy and Klarion on AO3. 🫡

How many works do you have on AO3?

158 on TheWitchBoy

14 on Klarion (but I don't feel like logging into Klarion rn, so that's probably the only thing I'll answer for Klarion)

What’s your total A03 word count?

904,184 words on TheWitchBoy

What fandoms do you write for?

A lot of DC, some Marvel, a bit of Star Wars, a pinch of Harry Potter, a dash of Supernatural. Anything that strikes my fancy, really.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Odd One, or, Wally's Mysterious Boyfriend. T, Birdflash, Secret ID Reveals, Humour.

A Strange Family. T, SuperBat (Pre-Relationship), Secret ID Reveals, Shenanigans.

A Game of Guess Who With Big Blue. G, Gen, Mistaken Identities, ID Shenanigans, Humour.

Grinning Shadow of the Bat. T, Batfam, Dialogue Centric, Shenanigans, Humour.

Secret Visitors (on the Watchtower). G, Gen, Secrets, Humour.

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I know this one... It's one of my DCWC fics. Uhh. The Unwanted Return of the Past. Or maybe The Cliff Walk? I'm not much of an angst writer, I don't think.

Oh wait, I did try my hand at writing expressions of grief that one time, of Dick after Jason's death. Picking Up the Broken Pieces.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Damn. Happiest ending. Uh. Maybe ...Trading Spouses? Most of my fic has happy endings, idk

Do you get hate on your fic?

I don't think so?

Do you write smut?

Yes, but only on Klarion. I prefer TheWitchBoy to be (mostly) sfw.

Do you write crossovers?

Sometimes. Mostly DC/White Collar (I have a series for those ones, actually). Sometimes DC/Marvel.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. But, way back in my dA days, I did lil Harry Potter comics and those were stolen lmao. I didn't care much at the time and I don't care much now, though.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of?

Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yeah! With the cryptid roommate! The Clue fic (it's Supernatural, that's you're only warning).

What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

That's a hard one. I think - if folks know me for any ship - they probably know me for Birdflash? That's definitely up there. In this minute, right now, though? Maybe Matt/Frank. Maybe TimKon. I'm not good at picking favourites.

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Unrepentant. :/ I wanna do it, but at this point it's been so long I don't think I can fool myself about it.

What’s your writing strengths?

Dialogue (or so I like to think). It's what I have the most fun with, anyway.

What’s your writing weaknesses?

Remembering what I wrote, probably.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I prefer it in moderation? I dunno, I think dabbling in other languages isn't a bad thing, but for myself I do like to understand what I'm putting to paper.

But also I don't like when an English fic sticks Cyrillic or katakana or whatever else into dialogue - Romanize that, so it can be read, however roughly, please. Otherwise I hear like... Villager Gibberish when my eyes pass over it and that's low-key uncomfy lmao.

First fandom you wrote for?

Prrrobably Kingdom Hearts? Or Final Fantasy 7: Crisis Core? Damn, going all the way back to my pre-AO3 days, there. And pre-fanficdotnet days.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Right now, my favourite written/shared fic is Signs and Portents. It's a Fusion Fic of Supernatural and the movie Signs. I deeply enjoyed writing it. Sadly, it's not quite what folks were looking for to read. XD that's fine, though, since I wrote it for me, anyway.

Too tired to tag anyone, sorry. ✌️ If you feel like doing it, then you're it now. You're officially tag. Shoo, go write up your answers!

#fic writing #fic writers #fic writer #fanfic writing #tag game #out of context shit #nightblogging #lmao

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sweetpumpkinmouse · 1 year ago

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My ideas for Murder Drones Animatics.

If I ever get to them, that is.

Before the Breakdown (from We are the Tigers)

A very Uzi-centric animatic. It’ll mostly just be angst involving the absolute solver and highschool and the daddy issues.

Not Your Seed (from The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals)

Uzi and Khan. That’s it.

Mad Ones (from The Mad Ones)

Okay, ever since the release trailer for episode 7 and 8, my first thought was “THE MAD ONES’! N and Uzi would be in this one. Though I might have to count it as “AU”.

Go Tonight (from The Mad Ones)

Since we are going from the last one, the hypothetical animatic would essentially be about N dealing with grief.

Now that I’m thinking about it: it could include either V or Uzi or maybe both.

But if we’re going from the “Uzi is going to die” possibility, yeah…so N is not going to have fun.

The Ballad of Sara Berry (from 35 MM: A Musical Exhibition)

Doll and Lizzy. Idk. Might not happen, but it’s a cool thought. AU or going by canon.

And…that’s it. :T

#random thoughts #murder drones #musicals #animatics

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puppy-phum · 1 year ago

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So I thought maybe Taylor Swift’s red with PuenTaylay since their colors are blue lol. Idk. I honestly can’t think of a good quote. If you think of one and tag me that works too 😂 I just want to see JimmySea on my dash again 😍 I miss them already

hello deanna ♥

i am somehow so very grateful for this prompt :'D it was delightfully vague despite being so straight to the point, and this is why i decided to both follow it and not follow it at all.

here's the result

everyone keeps telling me puentalay are taylor swift coded but i've never really listened to taylor swift that much (i don't really count the radio hits i was subjected to throughout my life). so this was my excuse to finally get into her music! mostly through jessi's @patprans amazing vv edit from a while ago. i went through that whole list of songs in it and i have to say it was a journey.

from it, this love stuck with me the hardest. tbh i cry with it now if i listen to it bc it feels so right for these two. so thank you to you both for opening my eyes, i suppose XD not that i ever really was against any of this, i just didn't have the right motivator before. now i had that and the time. it was fun ♥

and don't worry, i also looked into red! i do know that song haha, i haven't grown up under a rock after all. but i had to look at the lyrics properly and i do get where you're coming from with this prompt. i can feel puentalay there, especially bc of the colors. which i wanted to hold onto even when i abandoned the song itself!

so there's blue, as their beginning and ending. there's black and gray for the missing part, for the loss and grief and longing. and then there's red towards the end for the love! which. truly if loving puen is red am going insane for a little bit. we have had the convos about puen and red, am not digging into that again.

i just hope you like this! and thank you so much for joining in and always talking with me even when our tastes are very different ^^ i appreciate it a lot! have a wonderful rest of your week ♥

(some more rambles under the cut!)

i really love the way this song starts and how it seems to tell the whole puentalay journey in just, what is that, one verse? well, you know. in just a few lines we've come from their starting point to the inevitable tragedy of them having to separate, and then we've come to their reunion and persevering love.

so the edit tries to interpret all that. the first pic is about the water (which i've been thinking about so much and am going insane about it currently, there's so much Water!!), about how talay gets swept into this other universe and how he finds puen. which. i hope you get it that this is also about that glass house scene in ep 4 where talay runs through the rain to get to puen again. that's important. that's puen's tide - that rain.

and then there's a bit of fluff there. about the things they could go on and on about. about these moments where they find each other. about these moments where they... idk. are just lovely and in love. i wanted to show that.

bc i needed that before we hit the angst town! skies grow darker? currents come and sweep you away again? yeah, so true. puentalay literally just get together and then they're fighting which leads them to the secret island. which then, kind of, steals puen from talay a bit later. I tried to show all that too.

and then it's just. episode 11 part 1/4 heartbreak hours. that part is legendary and i love the angst so much even if watching it feels every time like someone is trying to carve my heart out with a plastic knife. but this line in the lyrics!!! it was just so perfect. gosh. (paired with the "and this love came back to me" like CMON i could make another edit only for that)

this then leads to the pink and the red. bc next we see what they had, what good things they got. the "silent screams" are, for me, about talay. about how he's saying he doesn't do love, doesn't really think about it, but still ends up seeking it. and idk, the dusty heart thing always gets to me. that's kind of his silent scream; talking about the love he does not want to the guy who wants nothing else but them to fall in love. how ironic.

puen got the "wildest dreams" then bc damn, that man has so many Wild Dreams. i didn't want to include the popcorn eating in this bc that would've made this edit cracky imo, so there's now just puen intensely staring at talay. this man is up to no good. his fantasies are horrible yet so, so cute. am so happy he actually got to finally live his popcorn fantasy XD what a doofus.

and then finally! all the things they never even dreamed about! aka everything in the our skyy eps. all of that was so good and domestic i bet they never thought they would have something like that. so that was for the last one. am kind of happy this took so long to make so i got those eps before this ♥ they're such a joy.

idk how much sense any of this makes bc it's 2am and my brain is fried but i just had to get all of this out. thank you once more for giving me this chance ^^ ♥

#promptrambles #makeavish2023 #i really do hope this prompt was meant to give me such freedom #bc i enjoyed this a lot!!#it was truly a trip to some new and some old music #and a trip in editing too gosh #some of these pics were a Struggle #hopefully this helps you with the missing!!#last twilight era soon right?#i think this is also in honor of madly in love finally being on spotify #i've been waiting for that damn

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captain-krow-drozdov · 1 month ago

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I See Four Outcomes For What Happens To Non-Looping Siffrin

1. Non-Looping Siffrin Has Just Been Evaporator. He's Gone. Reduced To Atoms. [Super Angst Cause They Essentially Killed Siffrin]

2. Siffrin Got Booted Back To The County™ [Sorta Angst Cause Like Do They Forget Him Once He's On The Island? Do They Remember Siffrin But Siffrin Forgets Them? Who Knows]

3. Siffrin Has Been Put In Spectator Mode/Ghost Tethered To Post Canon Siffrin Till The Looping Problem Has Been Fixed. [Having A Panic Attack As An Unseen Unheard Sorta Ghost As Someone Else Replaces You And Your Family Wanted This Random Guy To Replace You Angst]

4. Non-Looping Siffrin Is Now With Post Canon Party Having A Mini Meltdown Cause WTF Is Happening What Do You Mean Time Loop??? H U H?

Who Made The Wish?

Probably Bonnie In A Fit Of Frustration Like That One Response You Can Get Post Adults Only Death Talk. But Honestly All Of The Party Has At Some Point During The Loops Wished For A Siffrin That Remembers The Loops.

How Does The Loop Work Now?

In Order For The Loops To Not Just Immediately Stop Once Post Canon Siffrin Shows Up I Think The Wish Has To Be Attached To All The Party's Subconscious Desire To Stay Together And The Loops Won't Stop Till They All Learn How To Communicate. Siffrin May Have Performed The Ritual But It's The Entire Party's Fault They're In The Loop. Maybe Siffrin Taught Them How To Properly Wish At Some Point And That's Why IDK

How's Post Canon Siffrin Doin? + So No Loop? [The Memory Of Back In The Blinding Building Again AU]

After Waking Up In The Meadow™ And Subsequently Screaming In Frustration As They Mentally Cursed Out Every God They Know (As Well As Brushing Off Mira's Concern About Their Violent Awakening With The Excuse Of A Bad Dream) Sif Quietly Goes Through The Stages Of Grief And Adds A Stage In About Three Loops As They Try And Orient Themselves In This Fun House Mirror Version Of Their Own Personal Hell.

Denial; This Is A Bad Dream Caused By Stress (Loop 1) Anger; Fuck This House, Fuck That Rock Trap And Fuck The King (End Of Loop 1 Beginning Of Loop 2) Bargaining; Maybe It's A False Awakening Dream And I'm Not Back In The Loops (Loop 2) Depression; I'm Really Back In The Loops Huh... And This Time There's No Loop... (Mid Loop 2) Acceptance; Yep I'm Definitely Back In The Blinding Loops Again. Time To Dust Off That Script. (Loop 3) And Bargaining 2 Electric Boogaloo; Fuck It I Guess I'm The Guide Now. Call Me Stardust You're Helpful Guide To The Loops. (←Post The Party Is The Ones Looping Not Siffrin Reveal)

During The First Couple Of Loops They Do Their Best To Remember The Script And Try Not To Snap At Anyone Or Just Start Crying.

They Are Disappointed That Loop Isn't Here But Mostly Their Just Happy It's Only Him That Has To Do This All Over Again. Loop Deserves Whatever Peace They've Found.

They Soon Switch To Half Sticking To The Script Half Trying New Things In An Attempt To Understand Why They Are Back In The Loops. Currently They Have Two Goals; Protect Their Family And Gather Information.

Thanks To An Alternate Sus Odile Loop Siffrin Discovers That This Version Of The Party Has Been Looping Instead Of Their Siffrin And That Their Siffrin Is Now Missing.

Due To This Revelation Siffrin Decides To Adopt The Currently Vacant Guide Role And Begins To Go By Stardust And Does His Best To Help The Party With The Loops With Slightly Bitter Sense Of Amusement With The Whole Situation. Because Of Course This Would Happen After A Solid Year Of Having His Happy Ending. At Least He Still Looks Like Himself Scars From His Original Final Loop And All.

This Eventually Ends In Him Abandoning The Script Entirely With Good Old Fashioned Fuck It We Ball Mentality (Possibly With The Help Of Some Snagged Alcohol) And No Longer Holds Back During Fights Which Is How They Discover They Have The Highest Level Of The Party.

His Mental Health Will Get Worse Or Better Depending On What Happened To Non-Looping Siffrin Cause Let's Be Honest The Loops Did Nothing For This He/Theys Abandonment + Self Hate Issues.

How's Post Canon Siffrin Doin? + So Two Guides? (AKA Looping Party Already Had A Loop At Home) [The Memory Of Back In The Blinding Building Again: Two Loops Are Better Than One AU]

The Second Siffrin Wakes Up In The Meadow™ For The Second Time He Comes To The Unfortunate Decision That This Might Not Be A Dream And Beelines It To The Favor Tree.

Now The Loop Of This Timeline Is Used To The Clueless Non-Looping Siffrin So When They See Siffrin With A Wild Look In His Eye Rapidly Approaching They Shortcircuit A Little Bit Cause That's Not Supposed To Happen????

While Siffrin Is Having A Half Conversation Half Interrogation With Their Starry Alternate Self The Looping!Party Are Panicking Cause Siffrin Acted Strange Last Loop And Now He's Just Straight Up Missing ✨ He Never Leaves The Meadow Without Someone Waking Him Up It Is Time To Panic.

This Ultimately Leads To Everyone At The Favor Tree Doing The Time Looper Equivalent Of The Spiderman Pointing Meme.

How's Post Canon Siffrin Doin? Except It's Post Canon Loop. [The Memory Of Get Soft Locked Idiot AU]

I Can't Do Better Than What @felikatze Offered [Here] Also Known As Mega Angst =3

Everyone Except For Siffrin Is Looping Au Except Someone Wishes That Siffrin Knew Everything There Was To Know About The Loops And Subsequently Accidently Replaces Their Non-Looping Siffrin With Post Game Canon Siffrin And They Only Find Out Cause Siffrin Gets The Memory Of Back In The Fucking Building Again.

#captain's posts #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers #isat au #in stars and time au #siffrin? more like sif is out au #the memory of back in the blinding building again au #the memory of back in the blinding building again: two loops are better than one au #the memory of get soft locked idiot au #this shitpost has unfortunately evolved #long post

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senpiecakes · 3 years ago

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Part 1: Closure

Notes: This will be a continuation of ‘So Close, Yet So Far’ cause it’s been eating my mind ever since I wrote the first parts. I’ve also been listening to nothing but Like You Do by Joji to push me into writing this (recommend listening to it while reading) and idk why but I kinda cried on every part. It's also 1k words per part :,)

Parts: So Close, Yet So Far Part 1, Closure Pt. 2

Summary: He fucked up, didn’t he? How will he get closure for losing you that way?

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli, Xiao, Childe.

Warning/s: Mentions of death on Zhongli and Childe’s part. Mentions of violence on Childe’s part.

Theme/s: Getting back together? Angst to Comfort, Getting over grief.

Diluc

To say that Diluc was a mess since you left was an understatement. He was an absolute wreck. At first, he couldn’t understand why his entire body agonized so greatly at the suddenness of your leaving. When his father died and his brother ‘betrayed’ him, Diluc only secluded himself and grieved- mostly feeling anger taking form into his now current self. But when you left, it was different. He mourned as if you died, wept bitter tears as he was once again placed in his darkest state of mind. Diluc experienced the emotions he had suppressed ever since that day; the two most important people in his life left him, now it was you, and the despair manifested itself once more to torment him. He hated himself for being so weak then; unable to save his father and unable to make up with Kaeya. Diluc has hated himself, even more so now since he couldn’t bring himself to show an ounce of appreciation for someone who did nothing but love him and understand what he’s going through. So, who else was to blame but him?

Sometimes, Diluc abandons his duties; paperwork piled up on his desk unfinished, Angel’s Share being managed by Charles for nights in a row, the threats against Mondstadt rising without the help of the Darknight Hero. What’s the use of all this? Diluc wonders. If you’re not here with me. Sometimes, Diluc cries; through the walls of Dawn Winery would the nosy young maids hear Master Diluc cry in his empty bed the same way he did those years ago, in the same manner you used to do when you’re alone. His already restless sleep is haunted by nightmares of you disappearing from his life. His hands would search for empty comfort in the side that used to be yours, grabbing at nothing but cold sheets in a desperate attempt to will you back beside him. Y/N, I’m sorry. Diluc would wail in his slumber. Please come back to me. Oftentimes, Diluc was silent. He would enter Dawn Winery after a night of work and stress, on times when he would go out, only to find his home empty- the absence of your cheerful greetings made the silence all the more mocking. Diluc would work in silence; drowning out all the noise to try and remember when was the last time he had asked about your day, trying to recall when was the last time you two slept on the same bed. Those were the times when Diluc had nothing to think about, his mind drained of things he used to be so caught up on. But sometimes in those silent hours would the memories of you come back- loud and devastating that Diluc had seriously considered drinking to be rid of the pain and heartache. He couldn’t bear to think of you during those moments- it seemed to only make things worse.

Some days it felt better for Diluc; he would go out to work and even be on patrol late at night to make up for those days he couldn’t. But the thought of you still ran rampant in his mind. He couldn’t withstand the memory of you leaving without notice and wanted nothing more than to apologize, make up for his wrongs and maybe be given a second chance. But he knew how this goes- life is cruel to him and wouldn’t favor him any retry’s. That would be in your hands alone and he has already messed it up so greatly. Today however felt like a good day for Diluc when he decided that he would be the one to shop for groceries. Putting his coat on, Diluc was ready to head off until a familiar sight came at him when he opened the front door. It was like a breath of fresh air and an angry storm all the same. It’s you, Y/N.

Standing at the door frame with all your belongings in hand, you two stared at each other, wide-eyed and unsure of what to say. Diluc felt as though his knees might buckle with how much he didn’t know he was shaking. His lips parted and pathetic sounds came out of his mouth in an attempt to make words. So many things he wanted to say: ‘Am I dreaming?’, ‘I missed you, Y/N.’, ‘You came back.’, ‘I love you.’, ‘Please don’t leave me again.’, ‘Please stay, Y/N.’, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ Instead, Diluc straightened himself out and said;

“You’re here.” Almost breathless, croaking out those pathetic sounds, holding back the tears that threatened to humiliate him. You could only exhale and see how much damage you actually did. Diluc’s hair was disheveled in a poor attempt to tie it up in a ponytail, his eyes were bloodshot and dark from those nights he couldn’t sleep, his skin got paler from the many days he would spend locked up in his room alone.

“I’m here.” you repeated, gentle and apologetic. Sparing not even a second, Diluc lunged at you and enveloped you in a tight hug. His strong arms wrapped around your frame- left hand on your side while the right on the back of your head. You’re so close to him now, so real, he’s not dreaming. He didn’t want to let you go. Before you could think, Diluc was already sobbing out apologies, sputtering against your neck that you could feel his tears seep through your shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Diluc cried. “Please don’t leave me.” He was inhaling sharply, he felt as though he couldn’t breathe- his chest felt like it was on the verge of caving in with how much he was crying, and the ache it felt the moment he saw you and held you. You could do nothing but console him awkwardly with Mocco and Hillie watching in the corner with the most scandalized expressions on their faces. Looks like some new gossip would circle around the tavern later.

No words needed to be said during this moment as you two fell into a heap on the floor- Diluc still clinging onto you, his now breathy sobs trickling down your shoulder and you doing your best to comfort him. You had your fair share of words to say to him- you wanted to apologize for leaving so suddenly, how childish you had been for doing so, how you or other few people would be able to convince Diluc to have a sit down and work things out maturely. But you had time for that later- right now, Diluc is in your arms and you and his. You two had a lot to work on but at this moment, you just needed to be with him.

“We’ll be okay.” You whispered, and it was enough to soothe Diluc’s fears. Enough to have his tense shoulders relax as he drew out a long, shaken breath. You felt him smile against your skin now damp with his tears. For the first time, Diluc had been given a second chance. Maybe life wasn’t so unfair to him after all.

Kaeya

Kaeya has been drinking more than usual since he left you. He knows why he left so abruptly- he felt as though he was getting too close, and one thing he feared more than the inevitable were relationships that require you to become committed. The mistakes of the past may come seeping back in again when he had built such a familial bond with Crepus and Diluc only for it to be torn away from him so fast and so painfully. Now, he noticed how close he was getting with you and he decided to end it first before you could- before he could be trapped into another bond he can’t risk having.

Kaeya would watch you from afar sometimes; he watches as you divert your usual path to the market to avoid him, how you would close your bakery early to stop seeing him on his daily visits to the Tavern. It seemed to you, however, that bumping into Kaeya was unavoidable. When you’re struggling with carrying a bag of flour, Kaeya just happens to be standing there as he wordlessly helps you. When something you need from the market is sold out, Kaeya’s in the corner ordering his knights to bring in a new shipment. You’re not allowed to bar customers from buying at your bakery for no reason, and you thought that Kaeya would stop buying from you once you two broke up. But his orders kept coming and you had to see him constantly while delivering your loaves to the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, much to your annoyance. You wonder sometimes if he was doing this on purpose. You felt deja vu with this game of his so you avoided him to the best of your ability. Kaeya did do it on purpose. He wanted some semblance of closeness to you without actually being close to you. He knows he can’t keep chasing you this way.

But how could have ever been so stupid? You’ve been nothing but kind and patient with him- you put up with his alcoholism and soothe him through his hangovers then there he goes again to repeat the same habits and dismiss your worried scolding. You never questioned his methods of executing his work- those moments he would flirt with others under the guise of ‘getting information’ to see how you would react- and you would be there to smile at him and mouth ‘good job’. When you did question him about it, your fear being reasonable, he would turn the tables by saying you’re paranoid. You gave him genuine love out of the few people who had given him the same. He wanted to push you away so badly, and when you finally left, why did it torment him so much? You are always so kind to him, what scum was he to break your heart?

“Sorry, sorry…” Kaeya mumbled as he bumped into a few tables at Angel’s Share. He’s been drinking again, not a rare sight to see, but now he’s causing trouble by aimlessly walking around the Tavern and his tab is almost as long as a mile. Unbeknownst to him, Charles had called you to come pick him up as the other knights were already drunk, and his companion Rosaria was already asleep by the bar. Kaeya could only look up in his drunken stupor to see you, standing in front of him, arms open to greet him in. Maybe he’d forgotten that he had left you as Kaeya could only slur your name happily and fall into your arms under the impression that he was coming home to you like he used to. Until now, you’re still so kind to him.

“Y/N~” He mumbled, hiding at the crook of your neck, his breath reeking of alcohol. “I missed you, Y/N.” You couldn't help but flinch as you steady Kaeya to his feet.

“Let’s get you home big guy.” You say, straining to keep Kaeya walking on his feet as he thrashes around you. When you finally get back however, it was at your place, and Kaeya was more than elated to see it. He spreads himself out on your couch like he used to and watches as you leave to get him water from the kitchen. When you return, you’re shocked to see Kaeya crying into his hands. You approach him tentatively and set the water down.

“I’ve been so unkind to you, Y/N.” Kaeya says when he looks up to see you sitting next to him on the couch. You almost wanted to shove him out of your house as the next words that came out his mouth rushed at you like a pack of wolves. “I really did love you, Y/N. I still do.” You purse your lips as Kaeya forces you to listen to his drunken confession.

“I should have treated you better. You’re wonderful, did I tell you that?” You shake your head no and he laughs. “You are, you really are.” By now, Kaeya’s eyes are fluttering shut. Even in this condition, he’s still so beautiful.

“Nobody can love me like you can, Y/N.” he says, leaning his head on your shoulder. “Please forgive me.” Your hands smooth down Kaeya’s back but you don’t say anything. He keeps talking.

“I don’t know why I pushed you away, I was afraid of you… getting to know me I guess.”

“What’s there to be afraid of?” You say finally, your voice comforting Kaeya in a way he missed so dearly. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a relationship?” Kaeya chuckles and slides down, his head falling onto your lap as he looks up at you. Your eyes are glazed over and tears fall down your cheeks. You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore; you missed him, no matter how much he hurt you- you missed him. Kaeya reached up to wipe the tears off of your face, your skin warm to the touch under his cold fingers. You melted into his palms.

“Please, let’s start over, Y/N.” He whispers, promptly falling asleep. You sniffle and lean your head back against the couch.

“Sure, big guy, sure.” You say, but he doesn’t hear your answer. Kaeya’s already passed out on your couch, his head on your lap, a small smile creeping up his face. Maybe he’ll regret pouring his heart out to you when morning comes, denying it ever happened and mask it with his false bravado. But nothing mattered to him right now, he’s told his truth, and he’s close to you. Nothing can worry him when he’s in your company.

Zhongli

Eons have passed since Zhongli committed his greatest regret of slaying his beloved. Years after his triumph in the Archon War, his ascension to be the Geo Archon, the events of Khaenri’ah, and his current stepping down as an overseer for Liyue. All this time has passed since Zhongli has reigned timeless where all his companions have not; from erosion to war to mere degeneration. Worst of all was you who had died by his hands when you should be by his side until now. Though he was content with his new life posing as a mortal, Zhongli still yearns for the past when he spent the happy days without a care in the world. On times when he feels especially lonely does Zhongli’s longing for you only overwhelm him- and he allows himself to grieve you in a way he should have many years ago- feeling the true weight that came with the aftermath of your death. Thousands of years have passed and still, Zhongli can’t seem to forgive himself. How could he? You are gone, the one who has stayed by his side for eons, worst of all because of his petty fear and need to be triumphant.

Today, Zhongli was feeling especially nostalgic. He had diverted his usual schedule of walking around Liyue Harbor then ending the day at the tea house when he found himself leaving the city and into the outskirts of Liyue. As he walked, Zhongli reminisced about his past with you. Your memories now are so daunting and clear in his mind, hitting him so suddenly as if you had called up to see him personally. In everything he saw, he was reminded of you; how you’d always brighten up his mood with your beautiful smile the same way the wildflowers around him did, how you had Osmanthus Wine with him along with the Guili Assembly as Zhongli watched a group of finches fly by, how you had always stayed by his side no matter what good or bad he’s done as a pair of butterflies flittered past him. How fond were those memories then. If only you would be here to remember them with him now.

Zhongli stops in his walk to a path now faded from the land. He scans around the area and stumbles upon something that looks as though it’s out of place in this lonely area. Here beyond the great vastness of his land, the one that used to be yours, was a single flower not yet in bloom. Zhongli stared down at the specimen, he hadn't seen anything like it before. He knelt down to examine the bud further and only then did Zhongli hear a disembodied voice echo throughout the plains- so familiar, so soothing.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, Morax.” You said, your voice manifesting itself to surround Zhongli like an embrace. Even after all these years, he could see your smile. Even after what he did to you, you’re so kind to him still. Zhongli laughs and sits down on the grass, fingers digging into the earth beneath him.

“I go by Zhongli now, Y/N.” He says, looking up into the clear blue sky, trying to picture your face still clear in his mind. He smiles.

“Time has been unkind to you, my love.” You say. Until now, you still carry the love for him to call him yours. “How has your life been so far?” He recounts the years of the events that you’ve missed up until his descent from the sky. How much he’s agonized over these years without you by his side. How you had been his anchor throughout the rage that ran rampant during the Archon war. After that he grows silent when you don’t answer. Only a gentle breeze passed by and Zhongli could feel tears well up in his eyes.

“I miss you terribly, Y/N.” He whispers. Only then did you speak once more.

“I am always with you, Zhongli, in these lands, that single flower has roots embedded deep into the earth. And you, my dear, are the earth that supports us all.” You say. “After all, you have been the one to teach me that the land can carry memories for centuries.” Zhongli couldn’t help but laugh.

“Pray tell, when does your flower bloom my dear?” He asked.

“When time comes, my darling, it will.”

“Then I will wait for the day I hope to see it bloom.” For a while, you two talked and for a while, Zhongli felt the peace that he feared may never come to him again. Even if you weren’t there, Zhongli could feel your presence, your ability to give him the solace he had craved so desperately since the day you departed from this world. The thought suddenly appears in his mind and he abruptly stops. He needed to apologize to you, to ease the gnawing guilt that ate away at him for centuries.

“Y/N, words cannot express how much I regret what I did to you those centuries ago.” He says. Zhongli didn’t cry but a sharp pang of pain rose into his chest. “If I didn’t… you would still be here.”

“Oh, Zhongli,” You said. “I’ve already forgiven you.” With that, the flower by Zhongli’s feet bloomed into a wonderful specimen, followed by more that spread throughout the once empty grasslands of your domain. Their petals bursting with a variety of colors as their tips faded into a warm shade of yellow, a sweet fragrance wafted into the air and winds billowed to have them flow like waves along with the tall grass. The sunset shone onto the delicate petals as they glimmered like a million stars from where Zhongli sits, flying into the air to shower him in a dance of a million suns. “Should the day ever come, you will continue to shine like gold in my memories. I love you, Morax.” (Quote taken from Zhongli’s Voiceline)

Zhongli wasn’t the type to cry; today however, he felt more vulnerable. As your voice was carried away by the winds, Zhongli couldn't help but smile widely through his tears, watching the glimmering petals fall down onto him like blazing snowfall.

“You’re still as wonderful as I remember Y/N.” Now, you’ve overtaken every part of Zhongli’s being, his senses and existence. Like a hug that bid Welcome Back, have you finally returned home to him. He can’t wait for the day he can finally come back to you.

Xiao

Years had passed since the petty argument you two had, your ‘disappearance’ and Xiao’s laborious but fruitless attempts in trying to find you. When he finally did, it was more than obvious that you had already moved on. You’ve lived your mortal life and found a new person to be with, someone who has dedicated their life to you in a way Xiao couldn’t. You’d even started a family. You looked as though you were more than happy with the life you’re living without him. This would’ve made Xiao content to know that you’re safe, but why couldn’t he let you go? Why does he still watch over you in the hopes that you’d call his name? He gives a lot of reasons as to why he stays: monsters could attack unexpectedly; your child might trip and fall from a high place… you might need help to gather Qingxin flowers like you used to. Every excuse came to Xiao’s mind each time he watched you live your life from a distance. It felt more like a comfort to him, reasoning within himself on why he can never leave. What he doesn’t want to admit is that he still cares for you in a way that isn’t protective nor dutiful. Xiao has felt the emptiness of the abrupt stop of your relationship, and he feels responsible for being the one to drive you away. He wanted to apologize to you.

Xiao believed that he was giving himself an empty hope that he could be of service to you once more. Maybe he was only wasting his time doing this and that he should leave you alone for good. He wonders though, what would it be like if he met you once more. Would he be the one to approach you? Would you stumble upon him accidentally one day? Would you laugh? Would you cry? Would you be angry with him? Xiao didn't know, and still, he held on. Any interaction with you would suffice. One day, there was little to no wind, but a small breeze passed and grazed his ears. He stopped and looked around to clarify what he had heard. Xiao’s ears could never fool him- his senses were trained to be perfect.

Xiao.

You had called his name. In the blink of an eye, he was there in front of you, after all these years of watching from afar, years since that argument, years since you had last called his name, you were facing him and he with you. Xiao didn’t know what to say to you; so many words got caught in his throat at the suddenness of your call. He didn’t even know why he responded so quickly, maybe he’d been mistaken and was only giving himself false hope that you actually needed him. But you only smiled at him, a look he had almost forgotten.

“Hello again, Xiao.” You said. His name almost felt foreign on your tongue, but you were comforted to know that even after all these years he still cared for you.

“Y/N.” Xiao finally said, stiff and formal, that he wondered if this was the same familiarity he’d felt the moment he saw you this close. You’re older now; time undone on your features, but you still carried the same kind disposition you had those years you were his. You sat down and motioned him to sit with you. Obediently, he did. Xiao felt awkward in your presence- it was silent, and you didn’t say a word. He couldn’t. If he did, he might choke.

“We’re long overdue for an apology, don’t you think?” You said, your head turned towards the sky. Xiao held onto his pant legs tightly and some odd guttural sound came from his throat.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Xiao said stiffly, biting at his lip to force himself to say more.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you that day.”

“Xiao…” you said with a sigh.

“I was being crass with you when you were only being kind to me.”

“Xiao.”

“Please accept my apology.”

“Xiao!” Xiao turned to look at you and your attention was at him.

“Doesn’t this feel familiar?” You said. “I meant I’m the one that should apologize to you. I shouldn’t have left that way.” Xiao scoffs.

“You had good reason to.” He says standing up. “I treated you poorly.” You shook your head and stood with him.

“We should’ve talked about it, I’m so sorry.” You said. “I felt as if I was only holding you down. That’s why I left, when I really shouldn’t.” Xiao stops for a moment and looks away to see your family from down below. Your lover playing in the fields with two of your children.

“Tell me, Y/N, are you happy with the life you have?” He asked. You looked down to where his gaze was set and nodded. Xiao crosses his arms and closes his eyes. “Then I forgive you. You’ve lived your mortal life and it eases my mind to know that you… and your family are safe.” Before he could leave, you took hold of his hand. Xiao almost wanted to pull away, but something familiar in his chest kept him from retracting. How he missed this.

“If you ever want some almond tofu,” you say. “I always have some available for you.” His gaze softened at how familiar this exchange had been. With that, Xiao nodded, and you were first to let go, watching as he dispersed into black smoke.

“And if you ever need me, call my name.” Since then, Xiao has become a common face to see for you and your family. He had been acquainted with your lover and you tell your children countless stories about the Guardian Yaksha as Xiao would leave before he could hear you embarrass him. It gave you a comfort to know that he did not hold any malice against you. And Xiao was rewarded once more by your time spent with him until the end of your mortal life. You had been blessed with longevity and Xiao was there by your side to see you off until the end. He had a peace of mind that even in your final days, you still seeked him to accompany you. Xiao can only hope now that in your next life, your soul may find a way to meet him once more.

Childe

Ever since your death, many noticed that Childe’s work had become “sloppy”. His assignments turned in late, the success of his completion dropped, and his overall capabilities seemed to stagnate. Everything came crashing down in his life the moment he found you lying dead on your bedroom floor. One would think that witnessing your death in the hands of those that worked for him would push him to fight better. However, Childe couldn’t think of anything else but revenge and nobody was merciful enough to give him the information that he needed. So, his anger was directed at something else: his fruitless attempts of tracking down your killers and his performance diminished to an extent that he needed rest. With that, Childe decided to take some time off from fighting and working. It was his absence that had taken away your life after all. Besides, working in his state of mind hindered his abilities to properly execute assignments and others that the Tsaritsa took notice of. She understood his plight and gave Childe time to grieve properly at his own pace. She couldn’t possibly have one of her best soldiers out there unable to fulfill her wishes. Then, he was set off in a time that would’ve been the perfect opportunity to spend with you. So many things you two could have done together. After that, hurtful words came at him once the other Fatui found out he was going to take a break to mourn you. ‘The 11th has gotten weak.’, ‘Such a pity that Tartaglia’s become soft.’, ‘Serves the lunatic right.’ Childe wanted nothing more than to slaughter them all, make them apologize, make them hurt and agonize the same way he is. But he could only hang his head low and think of you; his job of slaughter was the one that killed you when his enemies finally found his weakness despite his attempts to hide you away. They only showed you the same mercy he did. Looks like they were successful.

Childe had been the one to pay for all your funeral arrangements. It had a small gathering of your few close friends and family as well as his own. As much as he wanted it to be big, to match up to such a wonderful person such as you and let the world know of his dearly beloved, he couldn’t risk any more attention that could lead to trouble. Childe could only listen to silent apologies and condolences, feeling animosity with each one thrown at him as they felt almost insulting. Don’t say sorry to me, I did this. It was my fault. Childe could only watch in scorn as your friends wept over your casket in a way he couldn’t bring himself to. He feels undeserving to cry over you and yet, he feels as though everyone else’s grief towards you cannot compare to his own. Stop crying for them like that. You didn’t know them like I did. You didn’t love them like I do. Hollow conversations would fill the little room sometimes, others talking to him about how wonderful you were and healthy ways he should cope with loss. Only then would Childe excuse himself and hold in his anger until it would cease. I need you, Y/N. I don’t think I can do this without you. Sometimes however, Childe could feel sneers coming his way- talks about how he could have saved you, how it may have been his fault you died in such a tragic manner. He can’t think of anything else but you; he could’ve stayed, he could’ve stayed with you that night. How careless of him to leave you alone.

You were buried in your hometown; a peaceful cemetery in a quiet stretch of land where others would have picnics with their departed loved ones. Childe wonders sometimes that if this was his punishment for being selfish, to repent for the countless lives he took. That life had taken you away so unexpectedly to teach him the importance of time spent and to have him feel the karma of the agony he had wrought unto others. In these instances, Childe can’t feel anything. His body goes numb with his mind as he stands over your grave, watching it unmoving, expecting you to wrap your arms around him from behind and tell him it’s okay. But you’re gone; once the reality of the fact sets in, Childe would only turn and walk away to return the next day.

Childe would spend his days on your grave- telling you about his day, having picnics as the others did, sometimes weeping to the point he would crumple above the soil that kept you away from him. He’d spend hours upon end there, to make up for the lost time he can never spend with you. Every day without fail, Childe would apologize incessantly for being gone, his faults and his wrongs, especially his time away that night you’d been so brutally taken away from him. Childe thought he was being discreet every time he paid you a visit. Today however, he was followed. In the middle of him setting down a bouquet of flowers on your headstone, Childe heard heavy footsteps coming from behind him.

“Can you at least have the decency to let me be in this place?” He asked as some Fatui went and circled him. Childe knew better and decided to walk away from the cemetery to let the others follow him.

“You’ve become weak, Tartaglia.” One of them said, pointing his weapon at him. “It was because of that little love of yours, wasn’t it?” Childe balled his fists and stared at them threateningly.

“Don’t you dare speak of them that way.” He said lowly. The skirmisher couldn’t help but smile under his mask, not fearing the 11th Harbinger the way he used to.

“You should’ve heard them, boasting about how you’re going to save them. We shut them up real quick after that.” Childe snapped. In a fit of blind fury, he summoned his delusion and cut down the group before they were even aware of what’s happening to them. After the bloodshed, Child fell to his knees and screamed into the ground, angry tears falling from his face. He’s finally gotten revenge on those who had killed you, but why is the pain not leaving? Why does he feel as though his heart has been gouged out of him? Why is the pain so devastatingly worse than before?

Childe knows that he can never get closure after what happened, but he knows that he can recover. He can rest easy to know that he served your justice in his own volition. It may take years, but you’d want him to live, won’t you? He’ll live and fight in your name. At least he knows now, in some sick way, that even in your most terrifying moment, you still had faith to ask for him to save you.

2K notes · View notes

eligaxy · 4 years ago

Text

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

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