I just saw a post of someone talking about how like proud their younger self would be of them and like i didn’t want to add this to their post because uhhh this is very much opposite vibes and honestly mught be really depressing. I just kinda need to write iit out and ttell SOMEONE and i recently realized that i dont actually have any friends like at all and all the people i thought were my friends… just arent. Thats a whole pther story and not the point of this post, I just mean i literally dont have anyone else i can talk about this to and i just want to get this out of my head so i can stop thinking about it.
But like… i think if i had the chance to talk to my younger self… i think they’d be disappointed in me. I’ve grown up in a like super mega religious household and now im not religious at all and im nonbinary and im asexual and im on the aromantic spectrum and im bi. Like. Everything that i didnt want to be when i was a kid. Ill never be able to have the epic love story i wanted as a kid, ill never be able go find the romanticized ‘one for me’, which is still something im struggling to come to terms with because of how much wanting that was a part of me for so long before i realized i was on the aro spectrum. Im never going to be able to have kids in a way that my parents will approve of because the idea of having sex disgusts me. I might end up deciding that my life partner is a woman or another nonbinary person, and even then it still wont be a romantic fall-in-love hallmark style life partner. Ive given up on god and all that shit. And even beyond all of that, ive given up on my dreams in a big way. I want to be a pharmacist now, but for my entire life i always wanted to be an author and one day i just kinda realized i wasnt going to ever be one. I write fanfic now, which i really love and gives me a ton of fulfillment, but im never going to be a published author, i dont think. I have no desire to create my own characters or worlds. But i know that my you ger self would be devastated by this. And, like i said earlier, i have literally no friends. I have people who im kinda friendly with at school. I have people i thought i was friends with. But i honestly dont have any friends. I just… i cant help but feel like if i ever talked to my younger self they would hate that they turned into me. They’d be disappointed that im their future. I dont really know what that says about me.
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doodles for the postcanon fix-it that lives in my head...
basically k1-b0 got rebooted in a new body but it's a bit more humanoid (ie he doesnt have that mecha looking uniform because it was designed for the show) so here is him relearning how to wear clothes
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What do you think about wally with fangs ewe?
F I n a. L l y, an excuse to draw him with dientes-
feels very cursed but honestly it looks good on the ol puppet smhhh
Lil doodles of the ol goblin-
Every time I look at reference photos for Howdy I get all happy kicking my feet in the air giggling smhh
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
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Haunted Car Au part 13
Previous. Masterpost
“You done figuring out the sound files yet?” Duke asked while tapping on the hood of the Batmobile.
He was excited to hear a campy “Yes, Sir!” Come out of the open windows of the car.
“Neat, first off, any files that have your name in it?” He was a little disappointed, but still snorted to hear the tragic ‘Noooooo’ from Darth Vader.
“I think Red Robin has some pronoun type files in there, what are yours?” A mix of sir’s, dude's, and bro's were played until Duke had to stop the guy.
“Ok, what about age?” He wasn't expecting to get a straight answer, but when the car played a Scooby-Doo cut of ‘those meddling kids’, he was confused.
“So a kid?” Duke questioned. He got a weird mix of 'Ehhh', 'Kinda', and 'close enough' type files.
“We can worry about that later, any ideas how you got stuck?” A short ‘Nope’ with a pop on the P played.
Talking to the car guy was strange. Getting answers could be easy or turn into 20 questions trying to clarify an answer. So far, Duke knew the person:
is male or male presenting
a meta
has no clue how he possessed the car
has a good understanding of current memes
was possibly in their teens (probably a bit younger than Duke, but older than Daimian)
was a street kid? (When asked where he lived the car played “Why should I worry” from an older Disney movie about homeless animals in New York or something. He had to look it up.)
has a good sense of humor
and is taking their situation in stride.
Duke really had to wonder what their life has been where this is not a vast problem to fix…. And whether or not he should argue his ‘notification tone’ being a choir singing.
He really does not get paid enough for this, but it is better than the other stuff Gotham throws at the Bats.
“Mind if I get you up on the lift and check the engine? Might give us some clues.” After an affirmative from the car guy, Duke got to work.
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