#but now i am learning about cognitive functions

[percabethsong]

Yes but not exactly.

Neurodiversity comes from the ideia that this is how the person functions, and that taking it off would change their entire being. At least that the Neurodiversity Paradigm. It opposites to the Pathology Paradigm, in which brain differences are considered diseases. This ideia became popular first in the autistic community, especially between people with lower support needs, so it has it flaws because it often doesn't consider high support needs individuals. HOWEVER, considering it rotts in the Social Model of Disability (basically one the considers people are disabled because that isn't accessibility in the world, and not because of their biological condition — classical example is that if everyone knew Sing Language being deaf wouldn't really be a problem), the Neurodiversity Paradigm would say that high support needs persons only suffers because the world doesn't accommodate their needs. You can disagree with that, it's up to debate, but that's the Paradigm.

Why am I saying this? Because it's absolutely doesn't work if we start adding every single psychiatrist diagnosis to that mix. Yes, severe depression changes the brain, but that's not the criteria to fit in Neurodiversity. Take depression as an example. Even if we were to accommodate to a depressed person, they would still suffer because depression itself is a condition that causes suffering. Neurodiversity is about finding beauty in being different, even when it's hards. It usually stands for differences in stuff like sensory processing, motor abilities, social comfort, cognition, focus, learning abilities. So there're other stuff besides ADHD and autism, for sure. Like dyslexia, intelectual disability, dyspraxia. There're people who expand this definition, of course, and consider other differences in other brain functions. I've seen some people with DID saying how their alters saved them and that they wouldn't want a cure but to have a good life with them. And that's extremely valid and I think falls into the Paradigm of Neurodiversity (my personal opinion, in this case). Neurodiversity is about embracing who you are.

I am not the neurodivergent police. Is not my inteed to say exactly which conditions could count, but Neurodiversity has a history and it's not simply about any condition that involves the brain. So I am at least confident enough to say some stuff that ARE NOT neurodivergences, as someone who's both a Psychology's student and active in the Neurodiversity movement in my community. Anxiety and depression are not neurodivergences. They're pathologies. Not only being depressed or anxious is not who someone is, but also can be, in some cases, basically "cured" (the cure discourse it's complicated but we can at least affirm some people have depressed episodes, for example, and don't experience it ever again after therapy). Bipolar disorder is also not a neurodiversity, even if it's chronical, because bipolar people can experiences long periods outside of manic episodes or depressed episodes. So you have any of this conditions, maybe you should join a group for the mentally ill, not for neurodivergent people. Now I'm not saying they also don't suffer discrimination, but our demands are DIFFERENT. Words have meaning.

But yeah, absolutely not just autism and ADHD.

It really makes me so damn angry how many autistic/ADHD people treat the neurodivergent label as the autism+adhd label. Neurodivergent includes ANYONE who's brain doesn't work the way it's supposed to. This includes people that have learning disabilities. People with down's syndrome. People with cluster A, B and C disorders. That includes systems/people with DID, that includes schizophrenics, that includes people with PTSD. If you have a group that is labeled for neurodivergent people, you cannot act surprised or offended if people that don't have autism or ADHD but DO have other disorders join that group. Because neurodivergent is an umbrella term. And everyone under that umbrella term deserves to be able to find community in groups named with that umbrella term.

[weirdnerdygoat]

guys... please help... I'm getting really into typology...

[serpentface]

First Goose of Spring: What was it like living in Cynozepal?

"...I haven't actually seen much of it, but the kingslek had the most stunning view of the mountains. They rise higher than anything you've ever seen, I'm sure, all the way up to the clouds. And our serfs actually live up there! It must be awful, braving the heights and fending off those little qilik barbarians. But we are a very strong people, so they manage just fine.

But the kingslek was the very best place in Cynozepal. It had everything you could possibly want. There was a garden with a little herd of horses living in it, and a spring to bathe in, and musicians and singers, and plenty of good food and wine, and the finest cushions to sleep on, and a HUGE library that had every book in the civilized world, probably? And there were always tons of servants around to care for us. My handmaid, Gray Gull Comes Home Wealthy With Fish - may her next birth be prosperous - lived in the kingslek too. Because she used to be a concubine, I guess? And she was the best of all. I never learned to read like my older sisters did - may their next births be prosperous -, but she would read to me whenever I wanted so it was okay.

So obviously I never wanted to leave. But my sisters and I had to leave the kingslek sometimes. Like when our mothers and father had very, very important guests, or when there was an execution, or for the solstice songs. And this was always a dreadful bore. But Gray Gull Comes Home Wealthy With Fish would always bring my favorite books along, so it wasn't TOO bad. And she would always, ALWAYS carry me there on her back. Until I got too big, but we have litters for that.

And now, I am expected to walk everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Or fly like a serf, sun be swallowed. I hate it here."

---

Notes:

-Goose is the absolute worst source to to ask about life in Cynozepal. First and foremost, she's a young child and hasn't been on this earth all that long (she's cognitively equivalent to a human preteen, and is 5 years old). As the third youngest princess among 39 daughters, Goose spent the vast majority of her life both cloistered in the kingslek (which is a privilege) while experiencing little to no pressure to excel and being minimally educated (as she was exceptionally unlikely to be married into an important political role). She would leave this space only infrequently, and never once stepped foot outside of the palace grounds prior to her dynasty's fall.

...And she LOVED it. Now she’s out seeing the world firsthand, breathing the fresh air and feeling the ground beneath her feet, and it fucking suuuuuckkkkkssssss, man.

-The kingslek refers both to the collective women in a royal family (wives, concubines, daughters, all of whom will typically outnumber the men at LEAST 20:1) and the domestic space in which they live. This is a massive section of the palace (as it houses most of the members) complete with its own amenities, gardens, etc. It is functionally the center of power and politics within the palace (the culture itself is not outright matriarchal, but the institution of the kingslek effectively has more political power than the king, and tremendous sway on his actions).

-Honeythief is translating for her. He frequently manipulates his translations to make her sound a little more down to earth (but still regal and far, far more important than you) and less like an exceptionally ignorant, spoiled child, but his translation here is accurate.

-Crown Cynozepali language is (and a majority of caelin and delkhin languages are) predominantly tonal in nature, supplemented with rapid clicks and deep booming 'drum' beats (it is these aspects that are physically impossible for humans to accurately reproduce). To a human ear, these languages often sound like vaguely musical but discordant barrage of sounds. I'm attempting to represent this visually with dots and squiggles.

-'Little qilik barbarians' is not referring to qilik of the region as a whole. She is referring disparagingly to the Cu-Chukka, which are a people that traditionally inhabit the higher reaches of the Azure Mountains, and do not frequently interact with the Crown Cynozepali sphere outside of land conflicts with serfs (who build their homes at high altitudes and often encroach on Cu-Chukka territory). 'Barbarian' in this context is a racist and xenophobic insult that groups together all qilik, caelin, and delkhin peoples that do not speak Crown.

Honeythief is Chit-Sut-Susit (a nationality native to parts of eastern Cynozepal and the Ch'Chen plateau, most of whom exist within the Crown cultural sphere), and is not receiving a microaggression in this particular context.

-Crown Cynozepali personal names are descriptive phrases. Song and poetry is of central cultural import, and naming conventions are rooted in these poetic traditions, designed to be beautiful and evocative turns of phrase. This is often lost in translation, and the names take substantially longer to speak when translated into most human languages.

-There are taboos surrounding speech that evokes the recently dead (defined as within a solar year), that require additions of placating phrases that will dissuade the dead from attaching to the speaker and direct them towards a good rebirth. "May her next birth be prosperous" is one example. Goose's handmaid and most if not all of her sisters (among other relations) were killed in the coup.

-The 'solstice songs' refer to traditional 'boomsinging' performed at the summer and winter equinox to call down the Solar Dragon. (boomsinging is an artform utilizing the deep, thunderous vocalizations caelin and delkhin can produce- sounds like a combination of throat singing, drum beats, and a noise kind of like a sage grouse display but deeper. The sound can travel for miles)

-'Sun be swallowed' is a translation of a phrase used to (often hyperbolically) emphasize the horror and depravity of a situation. Kind of saying 'what's next? the end of the world?'.

-Kingslek members and royalty as a whole are transported from place to place in litters and carriages, but they aren't carried literally Everywhere (they do like, walk). Goose recalling constantly riding on the back of her handmaid is describing a time where she was a tiny 5 lb child (a phase in life where most caelin and delkhin children will ride on their mother's backs).

[valtsv]

This isn't a gotcha, so please don't take it as such, but would yuou be willing to explain what it is about VAL that makes her such a favourite of yours? I can't stand her myself, she comes across to me as a bully given god-like power that she abuses for her own amusement, and I've seen you acknowledge as much, but we draw completely different conclusions from that. I just want to understand your perspective.

i've been anticipating a question like this for a while now, so i'm more than happy to answer for you!

you're right, VAL is in some ways a "bully given godlike power" as you put it, and there's no avoiding that (nor do i want to). and yeah, i do like her in part because of that, because i have a fondness for horrible fictional characters and in particular "bad victim" archetypes, of which VAL certainly is one. but i think what makes her compelling to me, rather than repulsive, is that she is fundamentally a cautionary tale and a tragedy. in-universe, she's the scapegoat. the example. the "make the right choices or this could be you". she's inescapably, heartbreakingly human in her awfulness, and that makes her terrifying, but it also makes her deeply sad (at least to me).

i also strongly believe in rehabilitative/restorative justice, so for me, wanting better for VAL is about my real-world principles to a degree. i can't and won't argue that VAL doesn't function as an uncomfortable allusion to a lot of atrocious crimes against humanity (by humanity) within the narative, and that anyone who finds her upsetting or even hateful for these reasons is absolutely justified in doing so. however, she's still a fantasy entity at the end of the day. she's not a 1:1 stand-in for real-world abuses any more than, say, a vampire or werewolf, which plenty of people are more than happy to explore the nuances of. and there's also the question of what punitive measures would even achieve in her case, beyond personal satisfaction for the one administering or spectating them (which is not to say that wanting to punch VAL makes you as bad as she is, just that her arc is, among other things, about how cycles of abuse and violence perpetuate). the worst that could possibly happen to her has already happened. she's been tortured. she's been taken advantage of for her mistaken belief that working for and with the system has the opportunity to benefit her, and died for it. there's nothing to be "learned" from her punishment that hasn't already been shown to us. that she hasn't already internalised. if she were ever to develop a stable conscience, that would be punishment enough in my opinion.

despite being a victim of people not entirely unlike VAL, i personally am not her victim, so treating her with sympathy and kindness whilst acknowledging the elephant in the room that is her many (fictional) war crimes is not something that requires any cognitive dissonance on my behalf. i would cautiously argue that the narrative agrees with me somewhat in this regard - the few times VAL is treated to a genuine act of kindness with no ulterior motives, it shatters her composure and outward conviction that what she's doing is necessary for her personal satisfaction, and even prompts her to reconsider on occasion (sparing the woodsman comes to mind). i'm not saying anyone needs to hug her and tell her she's valid, but if all it takes is some genuine good intent to get her to engage in introspection, i'm willing to be the person to offer it.

[heaven-is-with-you]

An argument for unhealthy INFJ 2w1 Fyodor + character analysis.

Author's note:

To start things off; I was motivated to do this by some friends personally and I normally am not someone who likes getting my opinion out there and prefer to keep most of my thoughts private but I would like to share my thoughts and my take on why I firmly believe that this is his actual typing instead of the popular INTJ 8w9 typing on the site personality database and also to be clear — I do not want to argue,in fact, I would welcome your insights and thoughts as long as it is done respectfully and politely.

I would also recommend you at least doing some surface research upon cognitive functions before proceeding on and following reading this; please and thank you.

( Update ) While re-reading this; I noticed I did not do enough of a good job presenting my argument for Fyodor as a INFJ and so I decided to add some more details on here so I can fully give my argument in the most cohesive and in-depth way possible.

The issue with the typing of Fyodor as a INTJ is that Te is simply too pragmatic to fit him personally in my opinion; someone with Te would not have cared to be this manipulative and would not have been able to keep the charismatic, almost cult leader persona Fyodor takes on and neither would they have been as theatrical as Fyodor in his plots and approaches.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe); on the other hand ; does fit him better in my perspective. He is able to be charismatic and to appeal on a personal level to most people in the cast — he is able to match his behavior to the people he is around with to the level we could call him a social chameleon; he is extremely socially aware and not to mention; able to tell people exactly what they want to hear.

His plans also often range on his awareness of how people think and operate, he tailors everything he does to make it convincing for the person he is dealing with and I do believe a INTJ likely not focus on appealing to people emotionally as much as Fyodor does.

Not to mention — rather than trying to follow a system to get to the top of the hierarchy like a Te-user might do to reach their goals, Fyodor's entire focus is on reshaping the system by bending others to his will which feels more like Fe.

Now that we got this out of the way; onto why I perceive Fyodor as a 2w1 and a social e2.

I know this is going to raise some eyebrows from people since e2s are more known for being loving; kind and community centered — but bear with me and listen to my argument because I swear this is going to make more sense the more I explain this.

Pride. That is the vice of the e2; and it is perfectly shown through Fyodor as a character.

In the Enneagram system, pride is not just about arrogance or an inflated ego; rather, it manifests as the need to be seen as indispensable — the belief that only you can meet the needs of others. At its core, it is a savior complex, a deep conviction that others are dependent on you, whether they realize it or not.

This pride shapes Fyodor's entire worldview; he does not merely do what he does because he enjoys it — to him; he is God's humble servant sent to Earth and he is the only one who can bring humanity to salvation since they are nothing more than reckless children who never learn and remain blind of their own corruption and sins; and he alone is the one able to correct and cleanse them.

The trap of the e2 is that they always expect something in return subconsciously even if they might believe that they are simply being selfless and that thing is obedience and validation. I say we see the obedience aspect is more shown clearly in Fyodor through his desire to force the world into conformity with his vision. If humanity refuses his salvation, then they must be broken. If someone stands in the way of his “noble” goal, they are not simply an obstacle—they are an impurity to be erased. This is how his love for humanity ultimately becomes destruction.

Now that we’ve established why I see him as a e2, the social e2 is often regarded as the most intellectual, reserved, and private of the subtypes — traits that fit Fyodor like a glove. Additionally, social 2s are highly effective networkers, adept at projecting the image of a kind and benevolent leader while, in reality, being the most cunning of their type.

Tagging ; @abyssqlette ( who I hope will enjoy the more in-depth argument ) and @colourless-hydrangeas .

[didosmind04]

How to overcome Executive Dysfunction

Inspired by @vanillaoldie on Tiktok

First of all, who does executive dysfunction affect?

Executive dysfunction primarily affects people with mental illness or people who experienced child abuse.

What is executive dysfunction?

According to Healthline, executive function describes the cognitive skills that allow you to do things like pay attention, stay on task, regulate emotions etc.

People with executive dysfunction have difficulty developing or using any of these skills leading to things like...

Chronic procrastination.

Finding it challenging to get started on tasks.

Having a hard time keeping your space clean and organised.

Finding it difficult to manage time or stick to a schedule.

Finding it challenging to navigate frustration or setbacks.

Having difficulty following directions that involve multiple steps.

Finding it challenging to control impulses and emotions.

Executive dysfunction refers to difficulties developing or using any of these abilities or behaviors (associated with organisation and regulation).

A strategy to overcome Executive Dysfunction is Intrinsic Motivation

When you are intrinsically motivated, you engage in an activity because you enjoy it and get personal satisfaction from doing it.

According to the Self-Determination theory- the 3 basic needs for you to feel intrinsically motivated are the feelings of:

Autonomy: "The feeling of being in charge of your goals and behaviour"; You feel like you can make your own independent decisions.

Competence: "The sufficient ability, judgement, strength or intellect to accomplish a task"; You feel good at your task.

Relatedness: "The sense of social belonging"; You feel like you belong in the place you are executing your task.

How to apply Intrinsic Motivation to reach your goals

We need to overcome the insecurities we have around our autonomy, competence and relatedness.

Example: The goal is to study.

Autonomy-

Instead of thinking about how you need to study in order to pass the class or to not fall behind your classmates think about why you want to study. Remember, it's your mind and your decision.

"I study because I WANT to. I want to learn because I find the subject interesting and you like acquiring knowledge."

Competence-

Instead of thinking about all the work and effort you'll need to put into learning the study material and therefore experiencing task paralysis as a result of feeling incompetent; think about what will happen after you finish studying. View the feeling of competence as the reward for completing the task.

"I'm now smarter as a consequence of studying. The next time I need to study I'll know I am very capable and good at it. "

Relatedness

Instead of dwelling on your student anxiety or imposter syndrome focus on why you belong there in your course.

"I have passed the same exam as everyone to enter the course. I am just as capable and gifted as everyone here. I belong here. My university accepted me for a reason."

Write out your own affirmations as related to the 3 needs of intrinsic motivation when you are experiencing executive dysfunction but want to achieve a goal.

I hope this is helpful and be kind to yourself <333

Dido

Sources:

Healthline

SpriggHR

[soongtypehuman]

Boo-hoo update

I’m sorry to say I have an update I was hoping to not ever have to make. Some of you already know that I have some serious health issues, but I've been pretty quiet about the extent of what I'm dealing with.

The gist of it is that I have a rare bone disease called fibrous dysplasia that turned certain bones in my skull into tumors and then those tumors grew inward and started crushing my brain, so I had a craniotomy last year to remove as much as was safe and got a cool new titanium implant in my head to replace the removed bone/tumor. The unfortunate result was encephalomalacia, which is the end stage of liquifying necrosis, and now part of my brain is liquid instead of solid (it’s dead, in a nutshell). Most people don’t survive encephalomalacia, much less remain able to function, and most who survive the initial stage don’t survive the three year mark. Even when you do survive it, it often continues spreading. The last MRI showed it had already taken over about 1/3 of my brain. But I’m a stubborn asshole and am still hanging on.

Unfortunately, things aren’t getting better.

I have to have constant MRIs, EEGs, physical and cognitive therapies, and have been on more meds than I’d like to be in order to control seizures and various cognitive issues. I didn’t mention this before, but I had to go through a series of speech therapies just to learn to talk properly again. And the most unfortunate part of this is that my ability to write has been affected. Since the surgery over a year ago, I’ve only made 10 new posts in the Positronic Rivalry series, totaling around 87k words. For reference, I posted over 200k words in 2022. I’ve posted even less this year, and it’s not improving.

With that said, I have to take a step back. I’m not quitting and I’m not walking away from the fandom. I’d like to think I’ll still be able to post here and there. I just don’t know when and under what circumstances that will happen. I most certainly can’t handle the longer multi-chapter fics I once could. Maybe one day, but not this day. Since I started posting on AO3 back at the end of 2021, I’ve posted every Sunday more often than not. I’m sorry to say I can’t make that happen right now, and can’t say when I’ll post again or what it will be. I won't be able to continue with season 4.

But I’m most definitely not leaving the fandom and the people and the characters I love so much. I’ll still be here interacting and posting when I’m able. This fandom and the people in it are incredible and mean a lot to me. Data and Lore and Star Trek in general are integral to my life and general enjoyment.

But!! I’ve nearly completed compiling seasons 1-3 of Positronic Rivalry as well as 2022/23 Kinktobers into files that will be ready to print in physical book format (completely free, obviously), which I’ll make available for everyone to download in various print sizes, complete with covers, which you can then have printed at various POD sites if you’re so inclined. Digital versions will also be available (you can already download various formats from AO3, but they’re not compiled into seasons, don’t have covers, etc.).

I’m also continuing with the Trek-themed crossword puzzles because those are fun and my therapist thinks making them is good for my cognitive rehab.

This update is a massive bummer for me, but I felt it was better to just admit my limitations instead of constantly trying to convince myself that I could continue the way I had been pre-surgery and beating myself up when I couldn’t.

Lastly, I’ve finally taken the suggestion I’ve gotten repeatedly and set up a KoFi. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or toss a coin to your android porn witcher, you can do so right here and I’d be giggling and kicking my feet in gratitude.

Anyhow, I want to thank all of you for being amazing and coming along on this ride with me for as long as you have, and for as long as it might continue in whatever form it takes.

[willow-schmillow]

The Is and Isn'ts of Fusion

(copied from my reddit post x3)

Hiya. I'm someone undergoing fusion-focused therapy to treat DID. Every day I open this app to some new and fascinating misconception about fusion, so I wanted to clear things up.

Please note that I am not a student of psychology or mental health practitioner. The advice I share comes from my personal experience of fusion, as well as my therapist's - who has multiple clients with DID - understanding of fusion-centered therapy. I have also done talk therapy, parts work, cognitive processing therapy (a modified form of CBT to treat PTSD), and DBT.

Fusion isn't...

- **A convenient way to get rid of alters.** I can speak for myself, and other fusions within the system have said the same, that we carry on our personhoods and identities and memories, and even relationships within the system. I was V and M, and now I'm both of them.

- **A loss.** As said above, my personhoods carried over when the parts of me that make up me fused. If anything, I view it as a gain - Ariadne has everything V and M had, plus a bit more because I am a calmer, more controlled, and more mentally equipped person.

- **The death of an alter.** In a literal sense, alters cannot die. And, also, as said above, my personhoods carried over.

- **The end of the involved alters' relationships.** This isn't a problem for us with other people, because we operate as a package deal in our relationships with others. But also, within the system, some of our insys relationships carry over. Gabriel was Monika's best friend, and he's still mine. Some of our insys relationships are different, too (Fray and Cal are no longer romantically involved,) but like all changes we can adapt to it.

- **Purposely killing an alter.** Shut up.

- **The same thing as integration.** Integration is any type of processing and work that results in the system "running better" - smoother communication, greater continuity of memory or experience, more willingness to work together, and fusion are all some examples of integration.

- **The only choice to get better.** Some people with DID find that functional multiplicity suits their recovery goals more.

Fusion is

- **Healthy.** I'm happier fused than I was apart, for sure, even though it was a difficult adjustment at first. I've had to overcome knowing a fuller picture of my childhood. It's difficult, but I know this is what I want and I'm doing better.

- **Stable.** Lots of fearmongering happens in DID spaces, with the idea that once you fully fuse you're prone to splitting apart again. While that is possible, fusion does not happen without *significant* healing and trauma processing. By virtue of being able to fuse, work has been done. New, healthier coping skills have been learned.

- **A fluid experience.** Within our own system, we experience fusion in different ways. Fray is one alter who holds many experiences. I'm Ariadne, but Monika and Val are still two distinct parts within me. There's absolute continuity of experience, consciousness, and emotion, so I don't consider us separate the same way our alters are. But, I'm one and two at the same time.

- **Achievable.** With sufficient trauma-processing, many people are capable of fusing.

- **The right choice for some people.** Functional multiplicity works for many. I'm not devastated by the thought of remaining multiple for the rest of my life, but I'd also like to work towards fusion because I know that's what would make me happiest.

[freebooter4ever]

i have never been called beautiful or complimented much, but two things men in particular did tend to comment on: my unusual hair color, and my toned legs. and its such a silly superficial thing but this illness has ruined both, and has forced me to realize that i never felt completely devoid of worth romantically until now.

like my legs? were gone in an instant. one day im a runner and dancer and am physically fit and active, and the next i have this insane stomach thing combined with pots that makes my legs weak and skinny with bulging blood pooling on good days and turns them purple on bad days. and now that im gaining weight again theyre just turning fat and swollen. the widening illusion of the pale compression tights is not helping. i look at the photo of myself drawing and all i see is holy shit, fat. i dont care, of course, because ultimately good health comes first. but that feeling is still there.

but there is something repeatedly traumatizing about constantly seeing clumps of hair everywhere all the time, and cleaning hair off the floor, and watching it pull out every time i brush my hair at all to the point where i brush my hair maybe every other day at most now. its waking up in bed and finding a gigantic wad of hair next to you and knowing that it was on your head a few hours ago. its so.... demoralizing. a physical manifestation of the destruction of my body. and every time i see more hair lost, it immediately brings up men telling me its the one pretty thing.

and even though i had a moment of clarity a few weeks ago where i realized that even if the only thing i was good for for the rest of my life was producing art, my life would still have purpose (love stories and fairytales be damned)... there is still something crushing in feeling that you have nothing more to offer in attractiveness. like, its not a totally unknown feeling - during the hell year when my scars seemed permanent and i was told my face was 'painful to look at' i also felt that it signaled the end of ever being 'loved' except as a platonic expression where true friends dont care how attractive you are. but that healed. i cant imagine my hair or body healing from this?

even now i am watching myself gain weight which is a good thing, but remembering back when i was 14 and recovering from ana and even then the minute i gained any fat at all on my body my mom would start berating me for being pudgy and eating too much ice cream and looking kind of ugly. it took me almost 20 years to recover from that and love my body. not to mention extensive dance training that i can no longer do to feel at home in a new frame. i dont know how i am going to learn to love a sedentary body with extra weight on my frame.

and alllllll of this is just like. why does it matter. i was losing my mind, my cognitive function, my ability to write, my ability to do math as easy as breathing, my ability to draw. still even right now my vision is slightly double and makes all this hard. why does the body even fucking matter????

because from puberty onward society teaches women our bodies and faces are the only things that matter.

[merppppppppppppppppp]

Allow me to re-introduce myself

Baby, the name is VixenPen. I was, am, and always will be THAT BITCH (pronouns)

The stuff you children and white girls write about (badly) I’ve actually lived it. Having men pay for baecations for me and my girlfriend, put me up in luxury, giving me money just because I ask for it, I have ALWAYS lived the lifestyle I’ve written about. Which is why my work is so good whether I have 5 readers or 5,000. The shit I write is true (imagine being mad when you could just learn😂)

The phone I took these pics on, the outfit I’m wearing, that was all bought for me just for being ME. So, no, there is nothing y’all can say to shake me, but it’s fun watching y’all try.

Now, I started this blog just before COVID to practice my writing skills as I worked on my now published novels.

Now, as I’ve always said; my page is for BLACKKKKKKKK WOMEEEEENNNNN first and foremost and so is my entire life. I live and die by BLACK WOMEN (starting with myself) of whom I am my biggest fan. So, black women are my main target priority when I write my fics.

I write mainly NSFW and only a handful of fandoms because I live in reality and have an actual life that I enjoy so I don’t escape into a lot of fantasy worlds (no offense if that’s your thing but all offense if you can’t separate the two yet as I know many babies can’t do yet.)

Eventually, I’ll make a new Rules and Masterlist Page to start re-vamping my page, but until then, enjoy whatever work you can find and just know this: I’ve been on the internet for 24 years so nothing a bunch of children still learning cognitive functioning can DM, post in an ask box, or tag me in hurt me. I’m too grown for that 🤷🏾‍♀️

You can use every poorly constructed racial slur you can think of. I know y’all are proud of yourselves when you manage to piece them words together so I’ll let y’all have it 😂

[roses-of-the-romanovs]

MBTI personality question ?

What MBTI personality type do you think the Romanov sisters were in your person opinion?

Thank you very much for this question, as I absolutely love any opportunity to rant on about my obsessions :)

For this post I'll use cognitive functions (I had at first resolved to use letters also, but then got too lazy and decided to stick with the functions, but I welcome any questions regarding the letters also!)

I made a post about this awhile back, but did not explain my reasoning and besides … my opinions have changed now (they never stay constant!). My current position is that Olga was an INFP, Tatiana an ESFJ, Maria an ESFJ, and Anastasia and ENFP. For me it is strange that Tatiana and Maria are both ESFJs, but then we must understand that MBTI types come in all different forms!

Olga—INFP (Fi-Ne-Si-Te)

Fi: Olga was known as independent and strong-willed (she “alone showed occasional traces of independence”), forthright in her opinions and principles (“very straightforward, sometimes too outspoken, but always sincere”), as well as kind and sensitive. Reading Gibbes’ testimony, I was impressed by the succession of adjectives pointing to Fi: straight, just, honest, simple, and sincere. Her heart was soft and she was often inspired to do good deeds, but did not seem to seek recognition for them. She disliked authority and protocol: “Everything is so strict and official there that you have to follow your every step, because there we are in the spotlight. We never liked it there and the sisters there are so important,” she said of the hospital at the Catherine Palace.

Ne: Olga was arguably the most intelligent and creative of the daughters, quick to think on her own and for herself (“always managed to give an original turn to what she learned”). Her "dreams of happiness" could also be indicative of Ne.

Si: The best I can offer for this function is her reluctance to go marry Prince Carol--it could be interpreted as a wish to stay in familiar surroundings. But I am not sure.

Te: When she suffered a physical and mental breakdown, she resorted to harshness and an attempted to accomplish many things and overworked herself. Her friend Valentina Chebotaryova wrote that it was said to be due to exhaustion. (Te grip.)

Admittedly my case for a Ne-Si axis is not very strong, so I am open to her being an ISFP, although I do think INFP most likely.

Tatiana—ESFJ (Fe-Si-Ne-Ti)

Fe: Tatiana was sociable and tactful, and was said to “long pathetically” for friends and “dream of great friendships which might be hers.” She was known to be her mother’s favorite due to her ability to understand and yield to Alexandra, to understand Alexandra’s needs and wants. Of the daughters, Tatiana especially tried to chat with and win over the sentries who guarded the doors at the Ipatiev House. Unlike Olga, who was noted to care little for clothes, Tatiana liked the attention she received when she was dressed nicely; she “was admired and liked admiration.”

Si-Ne: And then, of course, we get to Tatiana’s disciplined and pragmatic nature. She was noted to be practical and dutiful, to be precise, careful, and cautious, and not overly poetic or idealistic ("she had no liking for art"). On the other hand, the bit abstract bent noted by Dehn and Buxhoeveden could be indicative of a tertiary Ne function. To me, Tatiana's diary entries show her being very detailed about her day.

Maria—ESFJ (Fe-Si-Ne-Ti)

Fe-Si: Maria, despite her stubbornness, was generally known to be good-natured, gentle, and docile (“with her warm heart she was kindness itself. Her sisters took advantage somewhat of her good nature, and called her ‘fat little bow-wow.’ She certainly had the benevolent and somewhat gauche devotion of a dog”). She took a lively interest in other people, and "always used to speak to the soldiers, questioned them, and knew very well the names of their wives, the number of their children, and the amount of land owned by the soldiers. All the intimate affairs in such cases were always known to her." To me that is a lovely example of her Fe-Si in action. I would also say her letters are good examples--you can see her affectionate spirit in action.

Anastasia—ENTP (Ne-Ti-Fe-Si)

Ne-Si: She had a good deal of creativity. Those who talked to her were impressed by her active mind, keenly interested in everything, and her interests changed and adapted quickly (“If you happened to be sitting next to her at table, you had constantly to be ready for some unexpected question.”) As for the Si inferior, I get the impression that Anastasia seemed to take relief in her memories of the past: “"We often reminisce about our visits to the hospital, the evening chats on the telephone, and everything, everything."

Ti-Fe: To be honest, hard to say. I personally think she had more Ti than Fi, and more Fe than Te, but haven’t really found anything solid to back up my opinion. So this is more of my personal "gut feeling" :)

However, all of this is highly speculative since they never got to grow up and make decisions—which would be infinitely more helpful to deciphering their personalities than a few choice (and perhaps not even accurate) anecdotes and descriptions (some of them quite gushy). There are very good arguments to be had for Tatiana as a high Te user.

Bonuses: Alexei probably an ESFP, although due to his youth, hard to tell. Nicholas and Alexandra ISFJs. Anastasia a definite Enneagram 7!

[sxthee]

HOW TO MEMORIZE MBTI COGNITIVE FUNCTIONS/STACKS

okay, so we're all familiar with the intj, esfj, entp and all those stuff! 16personalities would say that those people are merely "introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging" and same goes to other mbti types, but when you fall deeper into this mbti thing, you realize that there are cognitive functions!! and now you're crossed with introverted intuition (Ni), extroverted sensing (Se) and all those stuff; sure you're familiar with them now, but you're still stumped on how you'll be able to memorize it!

people often say them memorizing it just "clicks" with them someday. but what if i tell you there's an easier way to memorize it?

i'll now share you an explanation that is easy for me to understand; i hope that it'll be as easy for you as well and you can use this to your advantage!! i'll try to make it succinct as possible with additional visuals for easier understanding! (i'll exclude the explanation of what the E/I, N/S, T/F, and J/P are, since am sure most of y'all are familiar what they stand for)

---explanation below---

xxxO (J/P)

• dictates whether xxOx is an extrovert or introvert function • J = dictates xxOx is an extrovert function (Oe) • P = dictates xxOx is an introvert function (Oi)

Oxxx (E/I) [Dominant and Auxiliary Function]

• dictates whether which of the two functions (xOOx) are the dominant function and auxiliary function

The Tertiary and Inferior

• follows an alternating stack by reffering to the first 2 cognitive stack • Oi Oe Oi Oe - or - Oe Oi Oe Oi • inferior function is the opposite of dominant function: N-S, F-T; and extrovert-introvert • tertiary function is opposite of auxiliary function: N-S, F-T; and extrovert-introvert

ISTP:

I hope those make sense XDD

But!!! I'll provide some visuals to better understand it. Let's use ISTP, ESTP, ESTJ, and INFJ as our examples! (beginning of demonstration always starts with a "XXXX") [there's also an image description provided :>>]

ESTP:

ESTJ:

INFJ:

I hope this helps!!! You can ask me further about stuff related to this post if youre still confused, i'll try answering as best to my knowledge! (i'm still learning thou coz LDKSFDHSLGF)

[lilyblossoming]

I feel like my brain just stopped working after… I don’t know… COVID. I just felt I lost so many valuable cognitive and functioning skills, and I’m not sure if I am able to regain them back.

I straight up feel like my brain is covered in this thick ass layer of wax, and I can’t… learn new information after a certain point?? Like, I keep losing jobs because I don’t improve. I don’t realize the e expectations or I can’t improve. Once I learn a certain skill “ex: manual blood pressure”, it feel like I’m stuck at this level forever and ever, and no amount of practice could improve it.

I’m literally regressing every minute I feel. Like… nothing about me improved except maybe I can actually have conversations or think of jokes now. This is important, very important to me, but idk…. Like I traded something for that

[mascula-sappho]

on my previous points about Tolkien Elves being autistic....

there's actually way more to say about this.

changeling children were a way of explaining autism (basically the Fae/Elves exchange their child with yours without you knowing) and if you read descriptions of these changeling children it says they will dance and sing when alone and that's how you can tell they're Fae (aforementioned Tolkien Elves bursting into song and dance as a form of group stimming) and I as an autistic person do this behavior all the time!!

changeling children are said to "develop intelligence earlier" than normal/nt/human children and also possess "uncanny insight" (I haven't finished digging through all my sources so I'm citing wikipedia don't sue me pls) which, while not universal, was my experience as a child. I learned to talk before I could walk. This also checks out with what Tolkien says in LaCE apparently that Elvish children develop speech and cognitive function faster but their bodies mature slower.

apparently a method of identification of changeling children was brewing eggshells to confuse them thus causing the child to be forced to speak, claiming their age and idk about you but if someone did something Wrong I as an autistic am honor bound to Solve it.

now, these so called changeling children were treated horribly in many cases (ableism :''( ) but some changelings forgot their ancestry and lived a human life.

let's reclaim this shit. Elves/Fae are now a symbol of autistic resistance.

[clownery-and-fuckery]

For you @happydragon <3

"Uh, what're you doin'?"

CT-9903 watched from the door of their barracks as CT-9907 paused in his step. He tilted his head, too large goggles falling with the motion.

"I am concentrating," He said simply, turning back to continue with his study. CT-9903 cleared his throat.

"I meant like- you're movin' a lot." He said, frowning. "Do you need the fresher or somethin'?"

"No." CT-9907's nose scrunched as he turned back to his brother. "It's called dancing- many do it for social reasoning, but it can help improve your cognitive function and concentration." He rattled off.

CT-9903 lit up. "Like runnin' 'n stuff?" He asked.

"Exactly," CT-9907 nodded. "Just like that."

The broader cadet rushed closer to his youngest brother. "Well- teach me!" He demanded. "I wanna know how!"

CT-9907 allowed a small, rare smile, and agreed. When his other brothers returned, giving them odd looks, he didn't mind, knowing CT-9903 was happy to share this with him.

Years later, when they were older and often far from the comforting showers of Kamino, it was often that CT-9907, with his newly earned name, Tech, and developed skills, could be found with his equally grown brother, now Wrecker, dancing as they fixed their ship.

"You look like idiots." Crosshair, their older, snippy brother, had sneered several times. Wrecker was always quick to defend them.

Tech had no issues with Crosshair's inability to be anything other than sour. He most definitely wasn't surprised when Hunter, the oldest of them, approached him one night during the switch-over of their watch.

"Can you- teach me too?" He asked, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh- there's this natborn..."

Tech wasn't eager for details, but was simply satisfied just to know his teachings had gotten his eldest brother a full conversation with this 'natborn' he had been infatuated by.

He was even more delighted when the lesson was used outside of that, during their downtime where neither had to worry about being shot at.

Crosshair, ever the stubborn one, did not learn. When Echo joined, at first, neither did he. Though he wasn't bothered by things like Tech had expected him to be.

"Vodiʻka," Echo had whispered sharply over the comm once. "Please, turn your headphones off and pay attention. We're in a briefing."

Tech's foot hadn't stopped tapping, following along to a beat no one else could hear as he ignored Echo. The ARC sighed, grumbling.

Really, Tech wasn't distracted. Much.

"Tech!" Echo called sharply, in the throws of a blaster fight. "Turn your karking music off and help us!"

He had jumped, scrambled, tripped his way across to where his ori'vod was fit to strangle him.

Despite the order, he was distinctly aware of the upbeat tune blasting in his ears, accompanying Wrecker's shrieks of joy and his own groans of protest.

Afterwards, when they were cleaned up from the dusty climate, Echo had quietly demanded the playlist, and was caught humming along days later.

There was never a shortage of people who wanted to learn. Omega, after meeting her, was quite fascinated when she had caught Tech dancing when he was sure he had been alone.

After the embarrassment of explaining himself, Omega wanted to learn. So she did. Tech taught her just about anything she wanted- he was as eager as she to share the knowledge he so dearly cherished.

If there was one constant in Tech's life, with Kamino, Crosshair, Echo, Pabu- Eriadu, it was the connection he shared with his family through his one small release of emotion he hadn't realised was so cherished by his family.

He had been sitting on the ramp of the Marauder, after everything.

He was still in the horrible uniform Hemlock had provided, when Wrecker had sat beside him, so close he could smell the faintest lingerings of times he missed so dearly.

"I missed everythin'," Wrecker choked out. "Missed your tinkerin', missed your voice." He choked up. "I- I missed your dancin'. And that's so stupid—"

"You missed that?" Tech asked, startled. "Of all things, you missed dancing?"

Wrecker cleared his throat. "With you," He clarified. "It just- didn't feel right. That was your thing, y'know? S'not the same without you."

Tech stared, and in a sudden rush of emotion he hadn't expected from anyone- least of all himself- tears sprung to his eyes, and he cried.

"Oh, Techie, wait-" It was Wrecker's turn to startle, scooping his brother into his arms and hugging tight. "S'okay, Techie, it's okay now–"

Tech simply cried until the feelings had settled inside of him again, and he sighed, so tired. So inexplicably exhausted. He wanted to sleep for a year.

He didn't sleep for a year, but he was sure it was a week at most. The moments where he was awake weren't cohesive enough to count as memories, really.

Now more awake, more rested and gradually recovering, Tech sat on the beach, watching the waves. He wasnt sure why music was playing, but he enjoyed the white noise all the same.

Footsteps approached. "Tech." Crosshair's voice was small. So unlike the usually hissing sniper Tech had never stopped loving.

"Mhm?" Tech pulled away from his thoughts, rubbing at his eyes. Crosshair squirmed uncomfortably on the spot.

He gestured to where the music was coming from. "You never got to teach me," He muttered. "Figured it was finally time to see what all the fuss was about."

Tech stared, and blinked once. "You want to dance with me?" He asked breathlessly.

"Don't make me repeat it." Crosshair snapped stiffly.

Tech had them running across the sand in seconds. They spun, the steps he had taught to his family so many times easily clicking into place as he led Crosshair slowly.

Awkwardly, too, with his broken, splinted hand, but they made it work. Tech laughed, nearly a hiccup, as Crosshair fumbled along the steps.

Wrecker was quick to join, scooping them up and swinging them around. Omega was next, taking Tech's and Crosshair's hand in each of hers.

Hunter and Echo stayed at the sides, watching but close enough to feel the radiating affection oozing from the group.

Tech, for once, was not tired. There was nothing to stop him from spending all this time, unnecessarily, but so utterly beloved, with his family.

He smiled so hard his cheeks hurt as they lost themselves in another song.

They make me so fucking soft. Its their turn to be happy.

[aingeal98]

hiii i consider u a cass expert and since this has been eating at my brain for a few years at this point; do you have any thoughts on the way cain's poor excuse for parenting impacted cass on more of a cognitive/developmental level? like children need stimuli of all kind that she clearly didnt get even outside of literacy and social interaction and i think its super interesting to explore how cass has complicated relationships with things most people take for granted (like... did cain allow her to have any toys? to play any games other than the "two for flinching" thing? does she struggle with the fine motor skill needed for writing bc she really didnt have smth similar? omg is she ok?? i want to peel her like an onion so badly) sorry for brain vomiting over here i have thoughts and feelings about cass cain and its incurable

Anon you've come to the right place for incurable thoughts and feelings about Cassandra Cain! And you raise such a good point like there's no way Cain's abuse didn't leave her with more than just aphasia, illiteracy, cptsd, all the emotional issues... OK well he left her with a lot of stuff but still! You're definitely right that there's more. I'm no expert but one thing I know how to do is ramble about Cass, so:

In flashbacks we see young Cass doing a jigsaw of a rose in the dojo Cain's raising her in, which makes me think he did want to find ways to make sure her cognitive skills functioned even without words. Of course this is just me theorising but in terms of toys I think he would have carefully selected things that would stimulate her brain and improve her motor skills even without reading and writing. The image of David Cain carefully buying Jenga and Operation and making sure all the packaging with words on it never reaches Cass is now permenantly stuck in my head so thank you for that.

I do think she was definitely deprived of a lot though, and things like the jigsaw were clearly meant to be filler stuff for her before the actual fun games like "getting shot and dodging the next few bullets". I don't think Cain would have ever wanted Cass to be relaxed and comfortable enough to actually fully enjoy playing with toys, you know? If she was actually able to find things like jigsaws meaningful and fulfilling then his conditioning of her to associate getting shot with "fun game of dodgeball" wouldn't have been as successful. Cass may not have liked two for flinching but she did love the fighting and the dodging. Any thoughts of "why am I in pain when I could just be playing Jenga" would have never been allowed enter Cass's head. Which would be easy enough because (understandably so given the isolation) Cass looked up to Cain and got joy and fulfilment from seeing him smile. He doesn't care if she finished the jigsaw other than getting angry/worried if she fails. Whereas being able to assemble and break apart a gun while blind makes him light up with happiness/pride. So naturally, even with Cain making sure her brain isn't TOO different for her not to be able to function as the perfect weapon, she would still be deprived of important cognitive skills and stimuli.

The writing specific fine motor skills would definitely be impacted imo because while her training makes sure her hands can work a massive variety of weapons and probably permenantly injure a man in multiple places with each finger, writing is such a specific task that only comes naturally to us because we learned it so young. It can be learned later in life of course but the natural act of holding a pen and writing would feel so alien to Cass. And that's before you factor in her dyslexia like no wonder we only saw her pick up a pen once 😭 Cass being able to write the alphabet with any sort of ease and lack of intense focus would be a massive accomplishment given David Cain's fuckery.

And just in general being so isolated for most of her childhood would have impacted her brain so badly like even without the autism Cass must have been in overstimulated sensory hell after leaving Cain. So many voices talking, which she'd never heard before. So many smells and sounds and new textures and sights that are too intense for her eyes to handle. She missed out on an entire world and only got to start experiencing it when she was 8, that's got to have a longterm impact. I think as well as autism Bruce and Barbara had her tested for adhd due to all the symptoms she displayed. Doctors aren't clear if she actually has it or if its something different brought on by her upbringing. She spent nine years homeless and travelling so she's more adjusted than she was at the start but there's still times that the whole world just goes blurry and whoops panic attack time need to find an empty place and hide.

I'll stop here so I don't rant forever but thank you for giving me the chance to yell about head. canons and theories. Cass is indeed the most fascinating onion, and the layers are endless. Feel free to rant in my inbox whenever you want I love hearing other people's thoughts on her!