#but not toxic to each other. they are toxic to other people Together.

[ariaste]

here is the thing.... sometimes people think that "[gestures] this is a polycule" means the same thing as "When I ship them as a polycule, I believe that they are practicing Good And Healthy Polyamory".

No no, my good sir. They are polyamorous and Actively Bad At It. But that's okay because 1) that's entertaining to me personally, and 2) it's better for all the toxicity to be contained in a single group relationship rather than letting these fuckheads scamper free in the meadows to ruin a lot of other people's lives by means of weaponized serial monogamy. We're putting them in an air raid bunker together and letting them fuck it out or maybe kill each other, and we're filming the whole thing for reality TV.

[shenachigans]

THE KEY TO HER HEART | Cassandra Kiramman

PAIRING: Cassandra Kiramman x Fem!Reader

CW: angst with a hopeful ending?, spoilers for season 2 act I, canon divergence, in Caitlyn’s pov, no dialogues (except one), mentions of death, mentions of reader being married to a man and having children with said man, mentions of pregnancy, mentions and implications of being in the hospital deathbed, tragic-ish love, 1950s Hollywood inspired in terms of homosexuality-ish, mentions of homophobia, back in the old day women are expected to marry a man, they kept their love for each other hidden until the end, reader is also a matriarch of her own family like Cassandra, most likely ooc Cassandra and Caitlyn

SUMMARY: Caitlyn receives the Kiramman Key to unlock knowledge privy to the Kiramman matriarchs. She also unlocks a memoir of her mother’s past, specifically with the person she loved the most through old photographs and unsent letters.

A/N: I realized a lot of my published work is composed of the “letter narrative” as I call it and this one has a bunch. It’s similar to my first Cassandra fanfic, the only difference is there’s death and grief involved. I have yet to finish the season, but her funeral and the memorial were hard to watch. I miss her so much. 

WORDS: 2,668

(FANFIC IS UNDER THE CUT!)

When her father handed her the Kiramman Key her mother wanted her to have, Caitlyn knew she was truly gone. She was now the leader of House Kiramman too soon, without the guidance of her mother, Cassandra. It was a position she deemed unworthy of, but her mother reassured her of the merit of her birthright. Only when she thought her relationship with her mother would progress, the world decided to strip that opportunity from her. 

Filled with grief, loss, and vengeance, especially after the attack at the memorial, Caitlyn decided to view what her mother had in store for her. First, it was the presentation of the ducts, the toxic air in the fissures contained by her mother’s instructions, allowing the people of The Undercity to breathe. She could use the passageways of the ventilation system and the Grey to locate Jinx, dismantle Shimmer, and neutralize any agents still loyal to Silco. Second, was a drawer of letters and photographs in a compartment at the bottom of the desk. It had nothing to do with the Kiramman Clan, but something to do with her mother’s personal life when she was younger.

The drawer seemed to be a memoir, maybe something left to be forgotten as dust covered its contents. Everything was held together with twine, completed with a battered tag, showing how the letters and photographs were — possibly older than Caitlyn herself. She gently grabbed the bundle of memories in her hands, flipping the tag over to see what was written, the ink smudged by droplets. It wrote: My old love, in Cassandra’s handwriting. Her mother had a lover? 

Caitlyn swore her breath hitched when she untangled the twine to reveal the secrets Cassandra carried. She wanted to see who her mother loved so much, that she had a collection of their time together, but she wasn’t expecting several photographs of you to appear. After all, you were her mother’s childhood friend, her closest companion and confidant. 

It was clear in Caitlyn’s eyes that you two had a platonic relationship. Did she read it wrong? She saw you as an aunt, a second mother beside Cassandra; she never realized that her mother loved you romantically. This doesn’t make sense. You had a husband and children of your own, just like her mother. You and Cassandra would get together and gossip about your spouses and children. She had proof, she had accompanied you two when she was a little girl on several occasions. What did Caitlyn miss? What was kept hidden?

Did her mother love you more than her own husband? What about you? Did you love Cassandra too? Caitlyn flickered through the photographs, putting the letters aside for later, it was clear her mother was devoted to you. She never imagined her mother would ever use a camera to capture your beauty throughout your shared life. It felt uncharacteristic of her to do so, to have her mother be deeply in love with someone other than her father. 

Now that she thought about it. It seemed like Cassandra changed when you passed away. Gone was the warmth she wore on her sleeves as she became distant and even more stubborn, pretentious, and selfish, perfecting her façade as a politician. She now realized how her mother tried to tone down her grief during your burial, to appear as if she only lost a good friend. Caitlyn was too entangled in her own emotions of also losing you to realize how deeply your sudden death affected her mother. She was still too young to comprehend how you died, Cassandra never told her. It was too painful to recount.

Maybe all this time, Cassandra was still grieving your loss till the day she died, having failed to protect you and prevent your death, so much so that her efforts were transferred onto Caitlyn so she could avoid the same fate. She started to understand her mother’s actions a little more, not that she condoned them after the seclusion and restriction she felt all her life. Her mother meant well, even if it hurt. Cassandra didn’t want to lose Caitlyn as she lost you.

After observing each photograph, soon came the letters. Caitlyn skimmed from the oldest letter at the bottom pile to the newer ones at the top. These words were never meant to see the light of day, never meant for someone else to see, especially not you or an outsider like Caitlyn. She can’t believe how raw the emotions she felt from her mother’s words. Caitlyn cannot do justice to her mother’s letters by explaining their contents. You simply had to read them to feel Cassandra’s love for you, but you were gone, unaware that your dearest friend saw you as her whole world even if she could not display her heart at her sleeves due to the societal expectations in the past.

Caitlyn saw smears of ink in many places, making it hard for her to comprehend the smudged words, but she knew her mother cried writing and possibly reading them. These letters were a diary, a collection of paper with words akin to a symphony of her love for you. Caitlyn wondered if you were aware of Cassandra’s feelings and simply did not comment on it, or if you and her mother shared the same situation, loving each other in the shadows as your respective families were in the spotlight of attention.

Was writing letters something Cassandra did in her free time? Because there were so many, it would take Caitlyn some time to skim through all of them. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but maybe her mother wanted someone to know her feelings unless this parcel was supposed to be discarded before Caitlyn took over as the Kiramman Clan Matriarch. Still, Caitlyn couldn’t help but go through it, you meant a lot to her too, and she felt the connection between you two that had faded since your death years ago. The world had taken you and her mother too early, Caitlyn only had her father left, hoping his grief for Cassandra wouldn’t make his life wither and leave her too. 

The letters started with Cassandra realizing she loved you; appreciating your beauty from inside and out. She expressed in detail the moment she knew she was in love, from how her heart threatened to beat out of her chest as your hair blew in the wind, the purple petals from the grand ivory-barked tree swayed with you. Caitlyn recognized it was the sacred place she and her mother shared near the fountain on the outskirts of the city, a place where they never argued and remembered your presence together.

“...We went to the place you enjoyed the most, Y/n. I came to share your love for this park because you were always there with me. I never thought you would take my breath away like you had today. You were beautiful, you have always been. 

Today felt different, however. The sight before me was something that came out of books. The wind picked up and your hair danced with the purple petals that floated around you. Your smile directed at me made it seem like I was in a fairytale my mother used to tell me as a child. It was a sight to behold, and I knew then and there, that I had fallen in love with you...”

The following letters were short, but filled with admiration and love. Cassandra appreciated you in many ways Caitlyn never knew in each letter, expressing her appreciation for everything you did, your character, appearance, and how you treated her. Her mother was so youthful, so happy whenever she was with you. It broke Caitlyn’s heart when the letters started to take on another tone; one of loss and hopelessness.

“...Why must society be this way, my love? Why am I prohibited from loving you the way you deserve? I am shackled by these expectations placed upon me, and I’m ashamed that I have to hide in the dark to be able to express my love. I’m a coward for not throwing everything away so I could love you publicly. I wish to have you by my side, to call you my lover, my beloved wife, without the consequences of society. I was overjoyed when I realized you loved me too, but it pained me that you were also hiding your love. You were as careful as I was with concealing how we felt for each other. Do you know that I love you too? I wish for you to know, but I’m scared of putting you in danger.

I wouldn’t know of your feelings if not for the day my parents announced my engagement. You had shown a crack of your true self from your poised façade. It pained me to see the sullen expression on your face. You tried to hide your turmoil, but I knew the news broke you as much as it did me. I wanted to cup your face and hold you in my embrace, to feel your warmth against mine as I whispered words of love, saying that we would still have each other as our duties befall us. 

I wanted to kiss your troubles away, but I did not let myself get carried away with such intimacy. Any hint of something more as friendship in anyone’s eyes would lead to forced separation… I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry, Y/n, but I need to build distance between us to avoid suspicion. Please forgive me… I despise myself for being powerless to protect you from the pain I would cause you…”

Caitlyn read the following letters, Cassandra expressed her guilt for keeping you at arm's length when all she wanted was to have all of you, to be with you the way you both wanted, but such a thing never happened when the two of you started your own families. She apologized in many letters as she realized how you started to pull away from her. Caitlyn tried her best to decipher the smudged words that filled the loose paper. Her mother didn’t want this, didn’t want to pretend she felt nothing for you other than a platonic friendship, that she didn’t love you. It was cruel. 

There was a large time gap between the letters. Caitlyn decided that her mother tried to focus on her duties as the Kiramman Matriarch and her relationship with Tobias by severing her attachments to the letters. Cassandra must’ve been carrying Caitlyn somewhere during this time, not wanting the memory of your relationship with her to cause stress and emotional turmoil during her months of pregnancy. 

The letter that followed was something close to reconciliation even if the distance was still there. You and Cassandra must’ve accepted the fate of your separated lives and decided to continue what was remaining of your friendship. Caitlyn was surprised she was the catalyst of this event. 

“...I was nervous about meeting you again after months of no contact, Y/n. I didn’t know what to expect after you distanced yourself from me. I still remember the pained expression on your face when I told you we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I never hated myself so much for being the cause of your pain. I have never done anything but hurt you. So, I was in disbelief when you easily agreed to the invitation I sent out of the blue to meet Caitlyn. 

You must’ve laughed at my audacity for wanting you back after pushing you out of my life, that you only agreed to this because your kind husband convinced you so. I hate to say I’m relieved you have wedded a respectful man. I know you are safe in his hands when I can’t be there to do the same. 

I was faced with an impassive demeanor when you arrived at the Kiramman residence, and I didn’t know if our friendship could be salvaged, but when you held Caitlyn, I saw a glimmer of love shine in your eyes. The smile that broke from your façade when you cradled my daughter with so much care made my heart swell at the sight. Then you met my gaze, and it felt like that day in the park all over again. I knew I was still in love with you, and you felt the same, even as our love dwelled in pain and loss because of the world we live in…”

The last letter on the pile was tattered compared to the other ones. It was difficult to understand because of the ink smudges, shaky handwriting, and teardrops… Caitlyn knew what this letter was about and could see how her mother struggled to write this one. The unshakeable grief that filled this page hurt Caitlyn. This must’ve been the fork Cassandra faced when she decided that writing more letters would only cause her more pain than solace as she thought about you.

“...I failed you, my love. I failed to protect you from your curiosity and compassion for The Undercity. The world was too cruel to take you from me, our relationship had only begun to blossom its fruits. The time we spent rebuilding what was lost… How could I sleep at night, knowing I could’ve prevented your death? I will never be able to live with the guilt of hurting you even until your last breath. 

I should’ve listened to you, I should’ve been more open-minded about creating the ventilation system for people of the fissures. Was this the world’s response to my selfishness, to take you away from me? I feel so empty without you, the grief is tearing away at me. I couldn’t bear hearing Caitlyn’s cries when I told her you would no longer be with us to spoil her, to love her like your own. 

Everything that happened to you is all my fault. No amount of apologies would bring you back, but I am so sorry, Y/n. The Grey I could’ve contained with my influence and resources ate at your life, poisoned your lungs, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

It tore at my heart to see you fighting for your life, hooked to machines, but everything was a lost cause when the grip of your hand on mine loosened and lay limp between my own. Your eyes became distant and empty as the light in them faded, but you still held the smile I fell in love with, muttering the words I longed to hear for decades: ‘I love you, Cassandra.’ I couldn’t respond in time, I failed to say that I love you too… because you were already gone… 

I promise I will let the people of The Undercity breathe, just as you had wished, my love…”

Caitlyn now understood why her mother completed the project. She did it for you. It was a grand and equally dangerous project that took many lives and resources to complete, and here Caitlyn was, planning to unleash the gas that killed you to look for a criminal who killed her mother and many others. 

After reading the letters, Caitlyn wondered several things. Would her mother be happy again, now that she has reunited with you in the afterlife? Would she be able to express her love after hiding her true feelings for you for so long? Caitlyn hopes she can because she knows how much her mother was alive when you were around, even in moments of joy and sadness. She wanted her mother to be happy again despite the pain in her heart that she was no longer there with her and her father.

.

.

.

Meanwhile…

“I finally got to see you again, my love… Oh, how I missed you so… My life was never the same when you left… I can’t believe you’re back in my life… and in my arms… I love you too, Y/n… I love you so, so much, dearest.”

© shenachigans — do not plagiarise, translate, repost, or copy.

[blondedkittie]

need ex hubby rafe and reader lore 😻 i just know he will forever be her man

loveee this ask because the two are so complicated with each other knowing they'll end up together anyways <3

exhusband!rafe and her hadn't even been together that long before they both 'decided' to call it off. only being together for two years prior, and now a year divorced. they both had their own issues which resulted in one specific toxic argument before she's brattily sliding the divorce papers towards him and he's glaring right back at her.

neither of them want the other to sign, but they love playing cat and mouse and challenging each other, it's fun─ with consequences.

he had short temper issues, and she had attitude issues. which one can only imagine how much they clash because she's so spoiled by him, and they're young. which results in another thing..

age difference. it's controversial. she's twenty-five and he's thirty. a year into their marriage she got pregnant, which caused a lot of stress on top of all that.

truth to be told, the two didn't have any specific reason for divorce other than her attitude which was caused by his short and aggressive temper. he'd never physically touched her in any way that's bad, they just caught each other on a really messy minded day.

he'd come home from doing deals allll day with barry, and she'd been home feeling all cranky and upset because she just missed her husband so badly! and as soon as he's entering that door to the house he worked so god damn hard for, she's running her mouth and he's over it all.

and when she threw the engagement ring at him that used to be his mothers, he was floored. hurt, and so confused because he's panicking now and it's all just so messy and she's out within the next week in a house he offered to pay off, all thanks to his real estate cameron business.

yes, he will forever be her man, and her his woman. the two are so attached to each other and can never go within a week without fucking at least once or twice. it's almost every time where she's picking up their kids that he's convincing her to stay the night which ends up with them messily all over each other and practically screaming out the words "i love you" to one other while going at it like some bunnies.

exhubby!rafe is so pussy whipped and the spoiled brat is so dick drunk, the two would never ever think about getting with other people because who else would take care of the other like he and she does?

and it's the way he's always handing her a weekly allowance, paying for her nails, hair, shopping addiction sprees, etc. he pays for everything.. and that has her knowing he's the only guy for her ever.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 1st of December, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 1st of December, 2024

Question: Are Harry and Meghan divorcing right now?

Interpretation: They are being held together by money problems

Card One: The Devil

This is a card of obsession, addiction, dependency, being trapped in a situation, excess. It can also be a card about lies, as the Devil is the father of lies. It is also the major arcana card for Capricorn.

The energy of this card is of two people who are tied together and who are thoroughly miserable in that situation (no surprises there). The Devil is often used as a card for Meghan by tarot readers, and as it has come out here that tells me that Meghan is the one in charge; she is the boss, the dominant energy in the relationship. Harry is no innocent, but she is the one in charge and making most of the decisions.

There is a strong energy of co-dependency in this card, of coping with the situation by enabling the other person's addictions (drugs and alcohol for Harry, attention and money and fame for Meghan).

The energy of this card says that these two can not stand each other. They literally loathe each other and want to escape from the other person all the time. Life for them together is dark, full of anger and despair, and just awful. Both of them may have 'bits on the side' and one of both of them are almost certainly using drugs and alcohol to cope, It's a toxic and co-dependant relationship where they bring out the worst in each other (again, no surprises there).

With the Devil as the father of lies, their relationship is full of lies - both to themselves and to the other person.

With The Devil representing Capricorn, an earth sign, they may find or have found (in the past) consolation in the things that are of this earth - originally sex,/alcohol/drugs/ego (we're free, no one can tell us what to do) but now it feels more like drugs/alcohol/money and social status, being courted by the rich and famous etc, and as that has dropped off their dissatisfaction with the relationship has grown.

There is an energy of pride here, of refusing to admit that they were wrong to get married, and both of them are looking for someone to ride in and rescue them - not by helping them sort themselves out, but by supplying them with money/attendance at famous events/praise for doing nothing so they can continue their current lifestyle and still get what they want.

It is a thoroughly revolting relationship, and I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone that this is what their relationship is like at the present time.

Card Two: The Ace of Wands

Aces are yes cards. The Ace of Wands is very sexual, it is a phallic card, and it is a card of passion, new projects, new creative directions, new energy, new enthusiasms.

The energy of this card is that yes, Harry and Meghan would love to be separated and never see each other again, but something is stopping them from taking that step. They are busting at the seams with the desire to be rid of the other person - for good in Harry's part, until she needs him again on Meghan's part.

This card could mean that both of them have new sexual partners, because of the phallic overtones of the card. It also hints that Harry might be happier with a male sexual partner, even though I don't think Harry has admitted that to himself yet. In Meghan's case, if she has a new sexual partner, this card tells me that it is a fling - there is no long term to the relationship, it is just about sex, or that Meghan is putting herself out there but no one is interested - she is seen as someone who will emasculate you and no one wants that.

The message from this card is "Go For It!", i.e. Meghan and Harry should take the plunge and divorce now, but I'm not getting that energy from the cards. Harry may stay away and slither into a divorce while Meghan is not around, but I don't think Meghan is ready to let go just yet (and I do think that is because she hasn't got another man lined up to support her).

Aces can also be children, so this could be the two of them staying together (at least on paper) to avoid questions about how is the father of their alleged children and everything that comes with that question.

Card Three: The King of Pentacles in Reverse

Money problems. This card is screaming at me that Harry and Meghan have serious money problems and that is why they are still together, and neither of them can find someone who is willing to bail them out financially.

The King of Pentacles in Reverse is a card of greed, someone who is wasteful with money (all that excessive Devil card living), who is materialistic, chauvinistic, exploitive, possessive, and a risk taker in certain areas - in others they are very conservative,

Greed is the key word here for me. The energy of this card says to me that Harry and Meghan have spent all their money, they are in serious debt, and they are both looking for someone to come in and carry them off to a life where they have bottomless purses of money to spend and all their problems are taken care of by someone else (in Harry's case I believe he wants his father to do this, or his brother). Neither of them are interested in examining themselves and fixing the problems that caused the debt in the first place; they have no intention of downsizing and living frugally to pay off the debt, they just want the debts to be taken care of by someone else so they can continue on their merry way.

For some reason the money problems require that they stay together, or they think that they have to stay together to stop the debts becoming legal problems, and that is the chain that binds them together and keeps them from separating (for Meghan more than Harry - he could walk away but doesn't want to meet the conditions that have been set by his family?, she is just desperate and clinging on for all she is worth.

Underlying Energy: The Queen of Pentacles in Reverse

We had the King in the main reading, and now we have his wife underneath. If the King as an earth sign man is Harry, then this is Meghan, If the King is the boss in the relationship, then he is Meghan and this card is Harry. This does feel more like Meghan's energy so I am going to take it as her.

Note that both the cards are in reverse, meaning that both Harry and Meghan are showing the worst side of their natures in this relationship.

This is money problems again, specifically for Meghan, ones that Harry either does not know about and/or is not legally liable for the debts. Meghan has serious money problems here. There is also the energy of not wanting to give up her title - she seems to think that she will lose it if she divorces and she is not willing to do that. She's rather live apart and keep her title.

The Queen of Pentacles in reverse is someone who is selfish, materialistic, greedy, a gold digger, insecure, jealous, envious, intolerant, self absorbed- this is definitely Meghan. As the underlying energy, this tells me that she is the obstacle to the marriage ending in divorce. She is hanging onto Harry for her title and to keep a lid on her money troubles. If they are in divorce talks then she may be demanding too much as a divorce settlement, or deliberately being obstructive to make the who process as drawn out and painful as possible. She will use the divorce proceedings to get as much for herself as she possibly can with no concern for anyone else (eg her supposed children). If they are not in divorce talks than Meghan is hanging on as tightly as she can until it is to her advantage to divorce. As always, for Meghan, it is all about her and not a shred of thought or concern for anyone else.

There is a strong energy of envy and jealousy here directed at the royal Queen of Pentacles, Princess Catherine. Meghan wants to beat her and destroy her and she sees staying in the marriage with Harry as a way to do this. Meghan is the antithesis of Princess Catherine, who is the Queen of Pentacles upright, and it destroys Meghan inside to see Princess Catherine living her life and (in Meghan's eyes) having everything that Meghan desires and that Meghan thinks should be hers.

Conclusion:

I'm not getting yes or no answer to my question of whether Harry and Meghan are divorcing right now. What I am getting is a vivid picture of their current relationship. Both of them feel chained together by their current marriage, which is a toxic mess of co-dependency and abusive behaviour. Meghan is the one in charge but Harry is no innocent - she is in change because he would rather sit back and indulge himself than make the effort to take some leadership in the relationship. Both of them are lying to themselves and to the other person - the relationship is riddled with lies. Both of them are turning to drugs/alcohol/press attention/fame etc to cope with being in a relationship with a person they now loathe.

There is a strong push to go and create a new life for themselves, but neither of them are really doing it. Instead they seem to be taking lovers as a way of consoling themselves for their marriage (and possibly to find a new partner - almost definitely for Meghan, not so sure for Harry). There are questions about their alleged children that would be raised in a divorce, especially about the paternity of said children, that make it safer to stay together for now.

The marriage is definitely bringing out and fostering the worst in both of them (King and Queen cards in reverse). There are huge money problems that neither of them want to address, they both seem to be looking for someone to ride in and rescue them by dumping and enormous amount of gold in their laps, enough that all their problems will temporarily vanish until they spend all the gold (and not on paying their debts). Harry is lazy and self indulgent, Meghan is selfish to the core, greedy, and a gold digger, and both of them have money problems that bind them together in that is is better for the problems if they stay together for now (or at least that is what one or both of them think).

Meghan is the one who is causing problems with any divorce and who possibly is deliberately creating issues to draw it out as long as possible. She doesn't want to give up her title - there is a real fear that if they divorce her title goes 'poof' - and there is an obsession with Princess Catherine and with besting her in some way, which Meghan seems to think is easier to do if she is married to Harry.

While Meghan is currently the issue with them separating, and not Harry, I would not be surprised if Harry slithers out of her grasp sometime in the future and the first that Meghan knows about it is when the divorce papers arise - assuming that she doesn't find another man to support her and serves the papers first herself.

[kurthummeldeservesbetter]

What’s crazy about the Jayce-Viktor and Vi-Jinx/Powder dynamic is that, from what we see, despite everything, Vi and Jinx/Powder (Powder will come into play in a moment) are able to live without the other, even in pain. Viktor and Jayce, however, are not.

For example, in the alternate universe where Vi dies, Powder is able to live with a healed family and get the support she needs. She has her brothers, her dad(s) an uncle and Ekko, including a whole bunch of friends. Vi is a sad and cherished memory. She doesn’t lose herself to grief or madness.

In the main timeline even, despite the madness, Jinx is able to find some sort of life (even though it’s toxic) without Vi. Of course, when she finds out Vi is alive, things go south very quickly, but after the events of s2 act 1 they clearly still find places to carve themselves a life out of (even though Vi is uhhh..coping pretty hard) without each other.

In the main timeline, Jinx is able to stop the cycle of hurt by “dying” with Vander. It devastates Vi, of course, but as we see in the end with Caitlyn she’s never gonna stop fighting, never gonna give up on herself and Caitlyn. She’s gonna keep living. Jinx (because I’m a Jinx lives truther) moves on as well, to another land, because she knows Vi is gonna be alright without her. You can have a Jinx (or a Powder) without a Vi and vice versa.

Compare that to the other main duo of Arcane.

If we start the cycle at the explosion, the very idea of losing Viktor devastates Jayce: he uses the very thing Viktor asked him to destroy to bring him back to life. Earlier even, he got his long-time mentor fired for suggesting they destroy the thing that could keep Viktor alive. Singed tells Viktor he is sacrificing love and legacy, and Viktor only thinks of Jayce.

On Viktor’s side, with what we learn later, is that his end goal for humanity didn’t even up even fixing him, because he was lonely without Jayce. He couldn’t stand the solitude even if the world was “perfect” because Jayce wasn’t there with him. It’s why he changed everything, to make sure they meet, to make sure Jayce is able to talk him down and save everything. And only Jayce can do this. And, for Jayce’s part, this fuels him. To him, this is what he’s meant to do, because it’s Viktor.

And in the end, Jayce tells him their life goal doesn’t even matter to him anymore, because they’re both in agreement; they can’t live without each other. Viktor will never be happy if his plans work because Jayce won’t be there. Jayce would never want to give magic to the people because it means potentially losing Viktor. It’s why he leaves with him at the end; they started this together and they must finish it together. He leaves with him in the end because life without the other is not worth it. You cannot have a Jayce without a Viktor or a Viktor without a Jayce.

It’s the two sides of the coin; the pair that cannot live without each other, and the pair that can, even if they don’t want to.

[moanz111]

✩°⋆｡ system error ⋆｡°✩ - 20

chapter 20 ✧ unforeseen circumstances - written + texts

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synopsis ✧ you've always dreamt of having your fantasy-like love story. naturally, hearing the sweet melodic ring of your love alarm was what you wanted the most, right? until it actually happened. four times.

pairing ✧ uni student! choi san x fem! uni student! reader

wc ✧ 4.2 k (i apologise)

warnings ✧ english is not my native language so there could be mistakes; attempt for humour; reader is confused af and so is san; swearing; mentioned fear of heights (reader is a bit scared but the description is very brief and she's riding a ferris wheel); reader is in an emotional crisis lowkey; lmk if i've missed something

If you got a penny every time you got yourself into an extremely uncomfortable situation, you would’ve had at least 20 by now and it was just 1 pm. 

You weren't going home anytime soon. 

“Y/n, stop spacing out. We still have 2 more hours,” Beomgyu whispered in your ear, nudging you with his elbow. You had agreed to come to this so-called “Love Alarm” dating event just to make him happy and maybe test your own alarm again, but you hadn’t had any idea it was going to be this excruciating for your poor soul. You tried your best to smile, talk to people when they showed interest but with each interaction your social battery was rapidly dying. Beomgyu, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of his life which made you feel a little guilty for having running away thoughts.

The park was bustling with students and music could be heard playing from speakers placed on the ground. Most of the benches were occupied by groups of friends or newly found matches that the alarm had brought together. A pinch of jealousy stung your heart by the sight of them. 

Wish my alarm and I weren't in a dysfunctional toxic relationship.

You let your eyes wander, trying to spot familiar faces even though the thought of someone you knew seeing you there, mortified you. The possibility of that wasn’t high but never zero since all of your university’s students were invited and granted an entry. You found it kind of funny - the way so many were positive their soulmate was walking the same ground as them right now and what they were waiting for was the love alarm to bring them together. For some that would be the case but others were surely up for disappointment. No one really knew how the whole mechanism worked and it appeared that everything was random - the time, the place but the alarm was certain of one thing - the person. 

Shaking your head as if it could chase away your thoughts, you took in the atmosphere and breathed in the fresh early spring air, the warm breeze ruffling  your hair which you moved out of your face, annoyed. 

“Can’t we go sit down and eat? If I talk to one more man, I’ll explode,” you said, stopping in your tracks and pointing towards an empty blanket on the grass near you. A bunch of people were lying down on the field, chatting, eating or playing board games. You wished you had brought your cards deck. A rematch with Beomgyu was all you wanted after he had beaten you in a game of war last weekend. 

“Fine,” Beomgyu rolled his eyes, strolling towards it and you followed quietly behind him. If you made him talk enough and maybe made him ride the ferris wheel with you, maybe he would get tired enough so both of you could go home. As if sensing your plan, he abruptly turned around, “Stop scheming, we aren't leaving.”

You let out a sigh and sat down on the white blanket with colourful flowers drawn on it. It was warm and fluffy and it tickled your hands as you plopped yourself down, supporting your body on your elbows. Maybe if you fell asleep then…

“Hey, isn't that Wooyoung?”

Yeah, your plan was definitely going down the drain. 

If Wooyoung saw you here, he would make fun of you for centuries and he could even tell Mingi about it. Or even worse. Choi San.

Choi San? Who was currently walking beside his friend, apparently not having spotted you yet.

He had a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket on, his black jeans matching it. A beanie of the same colour was covering his hair and you noticed a necklace dangling around his neck. 

He looked…good?

... handsome? 

You shoved your thoughts away and focused on Wooyoung instead who wore his usual black Chrome Hearts hoodie and some baggy jeans, a beanie on his head. The two boys’ outfits matched which made you smile to yourself. But who were you to laugh when you and Beomgyu weren't any better. Your closets were basically almost identical. 

“Over here,” Beomgyu shouted as he got up to catch their attention. This was going to be the most mortifying interaction of the day. 

Another penny added.

“Beomgyu, don't call them over here,” you whispered as you got up to a seated position, tugging at his jeans. 

“Don’t be so obsessed with me, they’re my friends too.”

You snorted at his answer, turning to look at the boys who were approaching you. Wooyoung was enthusiastically waving in your direction while San looked indifferent to what was about to happen.

Lately, it was harder to be around him. After he made the step to try and make amends with you, you weren't sure how to behave around him. Did that make you friends again? Or maybe just acquaintances? Whatever it was you tried your hardest to be on your best behaviour especially for Wooyoung and Mingi’s sake. For Seonghwa’s too. You had no idea how he managed to stay so composed while you bickered over nothing during tutoring. Maybe he was due his apology soon.

“Now, now, look who we have here,” Wooyoung exclaimed as he stood in front of you, grinning. San was next to him, greeting Beomgyu with a hug. “I’m hurt, Y/n. You could've just asked me out instead of coming here.”

“You and Y/n? I’d rather bleach my eyes than witness this,” Beomgyu chimed in before you got the chance to respond to which Wooyoung laughed.

“Makes two of us,” San added, a slight annoyance apparent in his tone, and you looked at him curiously. For the first time in a while you weren't met with his cold eyes, piercing right through you. His gaze was warm, maybe even friendly? 

My brain is playing tricks on me.

“Don’t be so jealous, Sannie,” Wooyoung said, tapping him on the shoulder which earned him a smack on the neck. “Ouch?”

“Deserved,” Beomgyu laughed and looked over at you. “Cat got your tongue? Oh, right, she said she doesn't want to talk to men anymore today.”

“Trust me, you will get the longest silent treatment out of everyone here.”

“Mean.”

“So what are you two doing here?” Wooyoung asked, changing the topic just as you and Beomgyu were about to start bickering again. Truly fascinating how the biggest instigators turned into peacemakers in dire situations. 

“Y/n wants a boyfriend and since I’m an amazing friend, I came to judge her questionable taste,” Beomgyu teased and you pulled at the fabric of his jeans again, making him slightly lose his balance. 

“He wanted to say he was the one who dragged me here because he can't go anywhere alone,” you said in a matter of fact tone which got a chuckle out of Wooyoung. 

“This version is more believable.”

“And what about you two,” you asked, trying to sound as nonchalantly as possible even though curiosity burned in you. You could imagine Wooyoung coming to an event like that but San? It wasn’t like you knew him that well anyway, maybe he was looking for a partner. For some reason, the thought of that made your stomach twist a little. 

Huh…?

“I dragged San here,” Wooyoung announced proudly and wrapped his hand around his friend’s wide shoulders and San threw him a sarcastic smile. “Don't tell anyone though, it's between the four of us.”

“Yeah, and the 10 other people who saw us here and greeted you,” San added.

“Oh, well…That’s something I can’t control. Having a pretty face means attracting attention.”

“Anyway, why don't we hang out for some time? Y/n and I were just about to eat,” Beomgyu suggested suddenly and all you could do was to side eye him. Sure, of course they were his friends but you and San in the same space was never a good idea.

“A spectacular idea!” Wooyoung’s enthusiasm was contagious. You had to calm down and enjoy the moment, Choi San wasn't the cause of every problem in the universe and he wasn't even that bad. He had a good sense of humour and he had a pretty laugh and dimples and you loved his habit of him closing his eyes when he found something funny and-

“Y/n to Earth…” Beomgyu’s voice brought you back to reality and you shook your head. What was in the air today? Maybe it was the pollen that had you acting this weirdly? “You totally spaced out.”

“Yeah, sorry,” you said after coughing quietly to clear your voice and you shifted your focus to Wooyoung who you thought had probably said something moments ago, judging by the amused expression on his face. Staring at your shoes all day and spacing out wasn't going to make things better. “What were you saying?”

“I said me and Beomgyu will go grab some food from the trucks and you and San can stay here and wait,” he repeated and you shifted uncomfortably in your place. Yes, the universe was testing you.

Sure, you had been alone with him plenty of times be it for tutoring or when you used to hang out before but now it felt different. Your nerves were going to eat you inside out. 

San had an unreadable expression on his face when you looked at him and Beomgyu just winked (?) at you when you turned to him so you just shrugged. “I’m okay with that.”

“I’m okay with that, too,” added San and Beomgyu and Wooyoung looked at each other, a knowing smile forming on both of their lips. 

“Then we’re set,” Beomgyu clapped his hands and patted you on the shoulder as he bent to pick up his bag from the ground. “Behave yourself.”

“What am I? A dog?”

“Obviously. Then, see you in a bit.” As both Beomgyu and Wooyoung turned their back on you and walked towards the food trucks, you felt abandoned. Maybe that was a little dramatic. San was just San. No need to be so stressed. You could just sit in silence and that was going to be it. No need to have a conversation. 

“So how are you doing?” San asked as he laid down on his side next to you, his hand supporting his head. You could sense the scent of his perfume and his biceps were basically almost ripping his jacket in this position. His face was glowing, his clear skin illuminated by the sunlight, gently coming through the tree’s branches. Mentally, you slapped yourself across the face. Staring was rude. 

“I’m alright,” you answered, trying to find strength again. You seriously needed to stand up. Choi San shouldn't have had that much power over your mind. “Exhausted after the social torture Beomgyu put me through.”

San chuckled at your comment, his dimples slightly appearing. “I guess I understand why he and Wooyoung get along.”

“They’re friends?” 

“Shouldn't you know that,” he asked, confused, one of his eyebrows raised. You knew they knew each other. Obviously, Beomgyu was close with San so it was only natural for him to be around Wooyoung too but your friend never talked about this, given how your relationship with San was. 

“I just had no idea they were that close,” you said simply. San regarded you curiously for a moment before speaking again. “I think they’ve got closer recently. I don't know how or why but they’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

“Then they’re definitely up to no good.” This was truly interesting. Beomgyu was notorious for doing things behind your back so you wondered if this was the case this time around too. Him making remarks about your dating life all the time, telling you to stop “adding more men to the equation”, him giving Wooyoung your number, you joining his talent show team, him flirting all the time, San, his best friend and your arch nemesis, suddenly following you on your social media and being kind of friendly, and now Beomgyu dragging you here and Wooyoung was miraculously here too? Was he…No way. There was no way.

Was he setting you up with Wooyoung? 

The thought made you shiver. There was just no way for this to be happening. 

You stopped yourself from gasping at the realisation and instead closed your eyes to take a deep breath. Beomgyu was going to get an earful from you very soon.

Maybe you could ask San about it? But what were you going to say to him?

Hey, I think my best friend is trying to set me up with your best friend so I wanted to ask you if he’s in love with me?

…

I sound so delusional and out of my mind.

You chose silence and turned to look at San who was staring at the small stage being set up a few meters away from you. There was going to be a concert later in the afternoon organised by the university’s band and you wondered if Beomgyu would make you stick around for this long to watch it. 

Suddenly, your phone vibrated in your tote bag and you took it out, seeing you’ve got a text from Beomgyu.

You sighed, locking your phone and turning to San again. “Beomgyu said Wooyoung feels sick so they went back to the dorms.”

“What? Is he okay? I should go there too,” San said and took out his phone. 

“He said they didn't need help and he just needed to take some pills. But you can text him, just in case…” you trailed off, unsure of what to do now. San didn't answer, instead focusing on his phone, seemingly reading a text. His eyebrows furrowed more and more with each movement of his eyes and he rubbed his temples with his free hand. “Yeah, he has texted me. Apparently, he doesn't need any more assistance and will take a nap.”

“Well, then I won't keep you if you want to go home too,” you said even though you weren't sure if you wanted to do that yet. Yes, you absolutely hated the speed dating and Beomgyu dragging you around but this was also a chance to maybe find out what Choi San’s issue with you was. If you cornered him…

That sounds too insane.

“No! I mean,” San hesitated. “We can at least grab some lunch together. Wouldn't hurt, would it?”

“I suppose not,” you said, smiling slightly and surprisingly San did the same.

Hanging out with your so-called arch nemesis wasn't as bad as you thought it could be. 

San ordered for you, paid for your lunch, treated you to some bubble tea and then got you ice cream. Yeah, maybe it sounded like wallet abuse on your part but in reality he just kept insisting on doing all this and wouldn't hear any of your protests. It was a bit flustering even if you were secretly enjoying it. His company was also nice. He was respectful, kept the conversation going and surprisingly he seemed to be having a good time too. 

Time seemed to pass by quickly while you were together. You found yourself talking about anything and everything with him - he told you about his current florist job, how annoying some customers were and how much he adored making bouquets and arrangements, and you told him about your love for clothes and fashion and how you still haven’t returned Hongjoong his sewing machine. You joked, you laughed and you felt liberated in a way. For the first time in a while  you didn’t have to tiptoe around San, too afraid that the thin ice beneath your feet was going to crumble.

Is this what happens when we aren't so stubborn?

Currently, you were sitting on a bench, taking in the atmosphere around you in comfortable silence as the last sunbeams were illuminating the sky. The sunset painted it in shades of orange, pink and purple and you sighed contently, bopping your head in the rhythm of the song that the university’s band was rehearsing. A small group of people had already gathered and was clapping in encouragement after each song. San was humming quietly next to you, tapping with his foot and you snorted. “Don’t you think it’s a little unfair?”

“What do you mean,” he said surprised and turned to look at you. His natural soft blush could be seen on his cheeks and your heart warmed up at the sight. For probably the 10th time today. He had taken his beanie earlier and now his messy locks were falling freely around his face.

“Being good at dancing and now even at singing? Can’t you leave something for the rest of us?”

Your comment earned you a chuckle from San, his fist coming up to cover his lips. you could swear his cheeks turned into a deeper shade of red. “No need to exaggerate, Y/n. Lying is bad.”

“Hey, I’m being serious,” you exclaimed. “But better hide that talent from Beomgyu. He would get even more mad that we aren’t in the same team for the talent show. I heard he has been looking for a vocalist.”

“And while we’re still on the topic,” San said, running his hand through his dark hair. “Why did you agree to join our team?”

“It was a good opportunity to practice my skills. Plus, Wooyoung was way too enthusiastic for me to turn him down.”

“Even though you have to spend more time with me too?” When you met his eyes, a glint of hope and maybe hurt could be read in them. When had things gone so irrevocably wrong with both of you? 

“Listen,” you started, unsure of what to say. There wasn’t truly a right or wrong answer. “I don’t mind spending time with you, it’s just so…”

“Awkward?” “You could say so. But it’s also hard because I have no idea what I have done to you. I want to fix this,” you gestured to the space between you two. “But again - you aren’t helping. Maybe I’m not doing it either. We’re both stubborn.”

“Yes, we are I suppose,” San agreed, seemingly deep in thought. “I just don’t know how much I can tell you and how much you know…”

“What do you mean?”

A ding interrupted San who had just opened his mouth to answer. “I’m sorry.”

You hurriedly took your phone out of your pocket and saw you had 5 new texts from none other than Beomgyu.

Feeling your heart picking up its pace, you clenched your jaw. You were so so so so wrong earlier. Beomgyu wasn’t setting you up with Wooyoung. 

It was San all along.

The tutoring, the way Beomgyu was so opposed of you hanging out with Yeonjun, the way he was trying his hardest to force you and San to interact...

You wondered if Wooyoung was his accomplice then and what had he told San? Did San know anything? 

“Hey, are you okay? You look a little pale,” San’s voice interrupted your thoughts and you locked your phone, forcing yourself to look at his now concerned face as he put his hand on your shoulder. 

“Everything’s alright. It’s just Beomgyu being a menace.” You smiled lightly and you fought the urge to get up and run away. 

Even if the situation was becoming severely uncomfortable with each passing second, this all didn’t automatically overrule how happy you were with San today. You got to see his usual sweet self and not whatever was presented to you on the daily. You also had got so close to him opening up to you so you couldn’t just leave him like that. Your heart was greedy to spend some more time with him before you had to deal with whatever Beomgyu thought he was doing. 

“Are you scared of heights?” Your sudden question made San furrowed his brows confused and you just pointed to the ferris wheel shyly. 

As San took your hand gently and led you to the tickets queue, all you could see were his deep dimples.

Yes, you were positive your heart was going to burst today.

You were a little scared of heights. 

But exposure therapy worked, right? It had to because currently you were hanging meters away from the ground and the only thing you could think about was how you were almost able to feel San’s breath hitting your face. The cabin was rather small and his form being much bigger than yours meant he was taking most of the space even if you were sitting across from each other. Your legs were between his and occasionally your knees would touch which sent a jolt down your spine that you were desperately trying to ignore. 

Instead, you focused on the view before you - the sun had completely disappeared under the moon’s watchful gaze and now the city’s  and the campus’ lights were shimmering like stars in the distance. San’s surprised squeaks would make you giggle now and then when he was showing you something he had spotted while the ferris wheel was spinning slowly. 

“This is my first time riding a ferris wheel,” San said quietly, drawing your attention back to him. Even though the cabin lacked lighting, you could still see the playfulness in his eyes as he looked at you intently. 

“It’s my first time too,” you admitted, fiddling with your fingers in your lap. Was it always this hot here? 

“Really? That’s rather special, Y/n,” San teased you. “Wouldn’t you rather share this moment with someone else? I’ll start thinking we’re friends.” “Well,” you coughed, clearing up your voice. “I’d say I would like to consider us friends given how civilised we were today.”

San laughed loudly, his whole body shaking, “That’s true. Then - friends?”

“Friends,” you answered grinning and took his extended hand to shake it, sealing your deal. His hand was hugging yours completely and you wished you could stay like this a little longer when you lost contact with his skin. “You still haven’t told me the whole story behind our enemies era though.”

“Shouldn’t you tell me your point of view too?

“I was just returning the energy you were giving me.”

“Deserved,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Let’s say this can wait for another time. I don’t want to ruin this moment like any other we’ve had lately.”

Something passed in his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher but when were you able to do it when it came to San?

So now, locking eyes with him once again, you felt electricity buzzing between the two of you as he leaned in closer to you. Unspoken words were hanging around you and filled the space but you shoved those aside and noticed his gaze going back and forth between your eyes and lips. You felt your cheeks heating up under his stare and you held your breath, too scared to make even the quietest noise. Your faces were mere centimeters away from each other and

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you cursed your phone mentally. You were sure you put it on dnd mode earlier.

“Don’t worry. Answer it,” San said softly and smiled at you, leaning back on his seat and putting some distance between you two. It wasn’t like you were going to kiss anyway. Right?

Nodding, you reached for your bag, forgotten on the seat next to you and your hand was searching for it impatiently until you felt it and took it out. Just as your trembling fingers were about to unlock it, the cabin shook causing you to drop your phone on the ground. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s okay. I think we’ll have to get off soon,” San explained as he reached down to grab your phone for you. “And you really need to stop apologising.”

At this moment the doors opened and the employee announced that 20 minutes had passed so the fun was officially over. You stepped out first, feeling a little dizzy and walked to the side so you could wait for San without blocking the way. 

Seconds after, he came next to you, handing you your phone with an unreadable expression, “Here you are.”

“Thanks,” you said, panic arousing inside you. 

What if it was Beomgyu again and he saw his weird texts? Or even worse - it was the group chat since Beomgyu never knows when to shut up-

“I’ll go get us some water, you can wait here if you want to,” San said as he looked around. “There’s an empty bench there.”

“I’ll go sit there then.” 

Parting ways with him even for a bit, gave you room to process what had just happened in the cabin and you sat down with a sigh. Your feet hurt because you chose to wear your new shoes today out of all days and more than anything you felt so many different emotions at once that you had no idea which one to focus on first and it made you even more mentally exhausted. You weren’t sure what was happening between the two of you but whatever it was - it was gaining momentum way too quickly. 

Are we crazy? Yesterday we got into yet another argument and today…

Reading your texts, you decided, was the easiest task for now but as you unlocked your phone, everything came crashing down around you once again. 

Your blood froze as the severity of the situation hit you. The answer had been right under your nose this whole time.

San was possibly your soulmate.

note ✧ i know this got very long and i feel like it's 5 chapters in one but i really want to get things moving so please understand 😭 i haven't written a full length chapter in a while so feedback is greatly appreciated, i hope this isn't that bad (the struggle was real and im not sure im satisfied but)! i hope you enjoyed reading it <3

taglist ✧ @jjaelly ; @cookiechristie ; @downbadreading ; @tubatu-wari-wari ; @giuliadesu ; @alyssajavenss ; @baguette-atiny ; @miriamxsworld ; @mrowwww ; @lynnsqueendom ; @mikaymee ; @stfu-rina ; @moonis-world ; @paragonofroyalty ; @chermonroe ; @lunaryoongie ; @nushkstardust ; @huachengsbestie01 ; @nickiminajleftasscheek ; @seonghwifey ; @stopeatread ; @wildesreblogs ; @staytinyluv ; @flamingi

taglist is open! <3

[cherrysurf]

merry christmas dear cherry blossom boutique !! I hope your holidays will go amazing as well, though I come with a request <3

I'd like to order some chocolate chip reindeer cookies for Kuroo!! It would be appreciated if he could bring small ornaments so we can go christmas shopping together !! ♡

thank you very much in advance.

with love and health, mey ♡

christmas nights with you !

(hey mey bae i hope you love this sm)

Kenma had invited all of the old nekoma volleyball team as a small get together at his place a few days before christmas it was casual attire which wasn’t shocking since kenma is king lazy, you were excited to see everyone again, the people whom you most kept contact with were kuroo and kenma. Kenma was your best friend and so was Kuroo but you had a deep crush for him. Since your first year and Kuroo's second year of high school, Kenma thought it was kinda sad that you hadn’t told Kuroo your feelings for him, but how could you? when you were going to his 3 year you saw no point. Kuroo was going to college and was bound to have college hookups and flings or a girlfriend and unfortunately you were right about the girlfriend part, he wound up getting a girlfriend in your first year of college and his second year of college, it was toxic to say the least they never quite understood each other and you and him didn’t speak for awhile, outta respect for his girlfriend and your feelings for him. Kuroo ended up getting very nasty towards you and how you just pushed him away, but he had no idea why. so now after college thankfully kuroo and his girlfriend had ended things a year ago, so you ended up finding your way back as friends during his healing phase. You guys got closer than ever before. It was like highschool but two times better if that was never possible which didn’t help your feelings at all. He began to get more touchy which left you flustered and all over the place nonetheless you kept your composure and cared more about each other's friendship than your feelings for him. So now kenma thinks this is your chance to tell kuroo about your feelings, it’s been long enough so he’s healed and second you’ve been waiting for quite literally YEARS?! according to him. You told him you’d think about it…

so now at the party as you babysit your mango agave tea, listening to conversation about past and recent matches in the volleyball league and christmas plans, your eyes wander off to kuroo who seems super into the conversation looking as handsome as ever and now his eyes catch you looking at him and he gives you a small smile and looks in the direction of the balcony, giving you a signal you meet him there, which you do a few minutes later he follows. “nice weather for it being winter huh?” he says approaching you to stand beside you, “yeah it’s really nice i’m enjoying it” you smile staring off into the scenery “how have you been” he asks looking in the same direction as you “good just somethings that’s been bothering me i guess ya know but very normal” you say turning your head to face him “and you” you question him “good i’ve been a lot better especially since last year i feel a lot better” he says looking back at you somehow losing himself in your eyes you giggle lightly “that’s good i’m really proud of you, you’ve come so far” you say he smiles it’s actually beaming at this point “thanks yn so have you” this moment feels oh so sweet like honey that you could savory all night long “hey kuroo there’s something i’ve been meaning to say since….while i guess for awhile now” you look at him, and now his more attentive than ever “well spit it out don’t keep me waiting anymore yn” he says “uhm so i've liked you for awhile now since my second year of highschool, and i never thought it was the right time to say anything but im scared if i don’t say it tonight i'll never say it at all.” you say nervously cheeks red and flushed not only from the winter cold but the act of confessing, he stares at you a bit in shocked and confused “it took you this long, and i thought i lost any hope in this” he says facing you now fully attentive to you “what do you mean?” you say now your the one confused “i mean of you liking me i thought i was crazy and delusional so i dated my ex to make that feeling go away and it never did, and you pushing away didn’t help so i got mad at you i'm sorry yn i really am.” he says your eyes instantly well up and he plunges right in for a kiss on the lips and you follow it was passionate and full of love and peace of knowing he was finally yours now and forever.

[rahleeyah]

What are your thoughts about Elliot Stabler consistently being labelled as 'toxic' for Olivia Benson? Despite all their differences, I always have found him to be very caring and respectful towards her.

Well my first thought is who is saying this consistently? Anyone who calls Elliot - not the EO relationship, not them together, but Elliot specifically - toxic is not someone whose opinion I value, really. That's not someone who sees him, who can actually recall his on screen actions or his words. That's someone who has an idea of who he is that is separate from what we actually know about him and like. Sure that's frustrating but we can't change everybody's mind and we'll go crazy trying. So like. Let em be wrong, you know.

Yes, Elliot was good for Liv. He looked after her. Sure she didn't advance in the job, didn't have a stable long term romantic relationship while they were partners, but to pin the blame for that on Elliot is reductionist and frankly a lil immature. Liv didn't have those things bc she didn't want them; she had what she wanted already. Elliot never stopped her from going for Sergeant; she never gave any indication that she wanted to! And for all that we talk about jelliot, the only time we actually see him give any of her boyfriends shit is Porter, who he already disliked for reasons unrelated to Porter fucking Liv, and we never saw him say anything negative to Liv about the men she was with. Hell, even Kurt, he goes to see Kurt bc he wants Kurt to help Olivia, and he is not unkind or violent or loud or anything toxic during that interaction.

It's back to Huang's classic question: how does she make you do anything? Huang helps Elliot realize Liv wasn't making him do anything; Elliot was making his own choices bc he cared for her. Olivia made her own choices bc she cared for him. Not seeing that, blaming Elliot for that, is a denial of Liv's agency over her own life.

Did they fight? Sure!! But for every sharp word he ever said to her she threw her own right back; he wasn't victimizing her. They were equals!! And equally complicit!

Now if you want to call their relationship toxic, sure, I've done that myself - half joking, but only half. It's toxic in the way they shut everyone else out, lie for each other, break the law for each other. Toxic in the way that if this was real life you probably wouldn't want to be friends with them bc my God, the drama. But it is not toxic in the sense that they hurt each other.

I think it boils down to the fact that people have an idea of Elliot, an idea they don't like, and in this current media climate standard practice is to moralize our preferences. If I don't like this thing it must be morally wrong. I am good and pure and right, and anything I don't like is evil and fucked up and wrong. It removes nuance from the conversation. It's not serious commentary.

[angelspitxx]

I'm genuinely asking, why do you like helaegon so much? I've seen a lot of people hating on this ship some reason saying it's toxic and stuff... I kinda like too but I don't wanna be judged

i love helaegon for many, many reasons. (sorry it took so long to respond btw, i wanted to put some real thought into this and explain it properly.)

their sun and moon symbolism is beautiful and represents the tragicness of their relationship so perfectly. check out this post, it's explained pretty well there.

they have these haunted, victorian gothic vibes to them that appeal to me. whether it's the different filters used during filming and editing, or tom and phia's acting itself.. it's ethereal.

i love seeing snippets of their family dynamics. in season one helaena and her children are wearing gold. she has a golden sun wedding ring to resemble sunfyre and aegon. the dinner scene, where he's silently fuming about her dancing with jace. the glimpses we get in season two of her embroideries in aegon's clothes, as well as the twins blankets/jaehaerys' shroud. him comforting her when she says she's afraid and calling her an "enduring mystery".

then there's the more serious stuff, like the fact that they were both forced into becoming king and queen, only to lose their child because of it. they share this pain and grief, that no one else around them understands. only to not come together because they don't know how. it's much worse in the books but regardless, they can't comfort one another. they were never properly taught.

tom has even said, that it's like they're living the same life, just on different paths. they can't connect even if it's what both of them desperately need at that moment, each other. i find that so intriguing, and heartbreaking at the same time. if their upbringing had been different, what kind of relationship would they have had with one another? the possibilities are endless..

and that's where fanfiction comes in. i, personally, find the writing for hotd subpar. it's got it's good moments but i have seen so many amazing fanfic writers bring helaegon to life. i suggest you take a look on here or on ao3 and see what the hype is about. there are tons of other shippers out there and since season two came out, there's even more.

don't ever be ashamed of who you ship. it's no one else's business what you like. also, once you let go of that worry about being judged by people, i promise you'll enjoy fiction much more than before. ❤️

[dagur-nott]

in both art for that au, i gave dagur only two of his stripes bc in my mind oswald is still alive and chief and the three stripes are like a chief thing while the hier gets two. and in the newer piece Hiccup has one stripe on the opposite eye bc in this au the two of them are a set. a pair. do NOT separate them.

[mythtakens]

“these characters should be mentally healthy before they get together 😌” ummm no I actually think we should smash their mental illnesses together like clumps of play-doh and see what colors it makes

[slothxio]

fuck romeo and juliet, i want what these bitches have

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

My hot take is that marcanne has as much potential for toxic yuri as any other calamity trio ship and it's not nearly as soft and fluffy as one may think

[crushpomegranates]

okay but how is bloodweave toxic

[bitchthefuck1]

you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.

There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.

[nicolibbyquotes]

“Other lives, other existences, it didn't matter. They were polarities, and wherever they went, his half would always find hers.”

- “The Atlas Complex” by Olivie Blake