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theglassesgirl · 1 month ago

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Hi you must be new here because I’ve answered this question to hell and back.

Refer to my FIRST ESSAY

Also refer to this tangential sibling with directly companions the above essay you responded to.

Having given the above assignments and assuming you take the time to actually read essasys relevant to her instead of essays about other people; Don’t take this as me targeting you specifically because this actually gives me a chance to speak on a strange phenomenon that happens in regards to Calypso who I hope I can stop having to refer back to honestly but here it goes

Why no one gives a shit about Calypso’s tragic backstory:

My problem w calypso discourse in general is the focus on her OVER her victim. That is insane to me. Even now, after reading an essay primarily about PENELOPE and how Odysseus’s label of a monster is not a moralistic failing, you have decided to write a brief blurb about *checks notes* how calypso is sympathetic, actually.

Which was not the fucking POINT of me speaking about EVERY SINGLE ANTAGONIST OF THE MUSICAL.

When we talk about Antinous we don’t even BEGIN to speak on why he is the way he is. His father sought asylum in Ithica and Ody granted it, you don’t think that directly affects why Antinous does what he does? Or does it not matter because he is presented as the ringleader on a gaggle of rapists.

I am proponent of language and what words we choose to use to get our point across. So I’m going to use yours respectfully

“She was imprisoned on an island as a child” when Aphrodite was born she was a grown ass woman, when Athena was born she was a grown ass woman, this infantilization of Calypso based on literal interpretation of the word “child” is baffling. Gods are born EXACTLY as they are! The verbiage you are actually looking for is “calypso was left on the Island almost as soon as she created” and it has a sort of different ring to it, doesn’t it?

So your argument isn’t about a LITERAL baby being abandoned on an island. This argument is rooted in fallacy meant to make people feel a certain way about an ACTUAL child when she never was a REAL infant, and I’m not surprised you probably don’t even realize it because here you are repeating it.

When gods are “born” they are (mostly) blank slates. MOST ALL OF THEM know what they are and who their role is meant to inform them to be.

Now, I can talk about poem Calypso if you like, but I have a feeling if I do, we’re going to go into a pointless argument that picks and chooses what facets of her precious backstory is relevant to her musical counterpart. Because it’s far less sympathetic in the poem!

So when I stick to her actual lyrics for this purpose she says ��I was cast away when I was young / alone for one hundred years “

You can certainly make the argument that her isolation was purposeful, but you cannot pick and choose what parts of her ORIGINAL POEM backstory is absolute to her musical counterpart. That’s called cherry picking. What you have done here is arbitrarily picked up PERCY JACKSON’s explanation of her events, which have now permeated Google to the point that I beg you go to Jstor (they have essays for free) and actually read up scholarly sources on Calypso because I cannot have this same argument about her

Her imprisonment being unjust or being because of her family is NONSENSE! It’s flanderization! You are more than welcome to engage in fandom in a shallow way, but when you try to dress it as academic? I have a degree. We can exchange peer reviewed counter essays if you want, but don’t play in my kiddie pool and say you did your research.

Calypso in the MUSICAL has godly gravitas the same as Circe - she KNOWS she’s powerful, she presents herself as an immortal goddess who cannot be killed, and she is confident enough about her ability to immediately demand respect and belittle Odysseus.

“She never learned empathy and morality” which stands to reason why she is INCAPABLE of feeling empathy and morality. For seven years. She prioritizes her OWN feelings over that of her victim. Because all she knows is her SELF. That is called being incapable of empathy. Her situation makes her incapable of empathy. We said the same thing, but you like how you said it more, because it presents her as more sympathetic, but when one does CLOSE READING, (pls look it up)you can extrapolate multiple meanings from similar sentences!

We can infer that Hermes had time to argue with her what she did, but mostly, her apology is multifaceted

YOU can view it as her realizing what she did was bad because someone took 10 minutes to tell her, but twelve others can see it as manipulation.

This is called audience interpretation

And in my blog, we don’t present interpretation as fact. We share our views as what they are - matters of opinion! We explain why we see things a certain way based on the lyrics and animation, and when we refer to the original source poem, we DONT use it as an absolute when referring to the musical because it unfairly creates discourse like Calypso’s!

“And even in the face of all these facts, I think it is wrong how people refuse to understand Epic! Calypso and even demonize her, at the same time that these same people idolize and root for other characters who did even worse.”

WELCOME, to part of my unpublished follow up calypso essay! A preview for your perusal:

Part 6: “so then Why are Gods like Apollo and Zeus given slack for the things they do while Calypso is DEMONIZED?”

The Hellenistic gods aren’t exactly……known for their character consistently. We have newer “fans” of the pantheon who are SHOCKED to find that Hephaestus sexually assaulted Athena! When he’s usually portrayed fairly sympathetically in media and some myths like his origin. Which I find funny, as there are those who DO expect hundred year old gods to be completely unproblematic!

Even the Judeo-Christian God is something of a bastard, as all gods tend to be across the globe. Outside of actual real life religious truthers, fictional depictions of these gods are accessible to a far more wide array of audience. So keep in mind, that when I talk about the Greek gods, and all gods generally, i view them as purely fictional when I talk about them in media.

Anyway. The argument here appears to be that if fan favorites like Apollo can be jerk offs, why is babygirl Calypso treated unfairly?

Well there’s multiple reasons! Greek gods like Athena and Persephone and even Aphrodite are pretty much characters that change depending on the context and purpose of the myths they are in. They serve whatever purpose needed for the story to take place and the moral they need to impart. You get SOME absolutes, some defining traits they exhibit across regions they’re popular in. Hera is, after all, known primarily for being a wrathful god more than a motherly one. But even prolific researchers note time and time again when these gods are just OUT of character! Full stop! because it quite literally comes WITH the territory.

It’s why we’ll never get a definitive answer to MANY myths! Does Persephone and Aphrodite’s actions towards Adonis make them suck forever? Even tho they are constantly argued to be misunderstood victims? Why do we jump to call Poseidon a rapist when he also killed rapists, who mind you, were provoked into lust-filled mania because Aphrodite was mad?? Ares is everyone’s favorite god right now, but he also sucks and does a lot of shitty things - or is it that we treat rape as more unforgivable than literally everything else, and how does this belief help rape culture in the worst ways?

What is the sky was made of cotton candy?

There IS NO “real myth” - all myths are region based and depend entirely on the era, and what was meant to be extrapolated from these tales in the context they existed in. The gods, in this sense, are very much treated like public domain characters, repurposed constantly to suit the needs of whoever needs to say a thing.

You simply can’t do the same with Calypso.

She is - for lack of a better term - a Homer exclusive. An odyssey-only God. Her primary role and purpose is ENTIRELY connected to what she does to Odysseus. At least, as far as the musical is concerned. Therefore, it is FAR more reasonable to view her solely by her actions in the musical (and or poem, and sequel poems written by homers students)

So to insist that she should be treated as the larger pantheon gods asks others to ignore that she ISNT like the pantheon gods. She only really has ONE role and purpose, and comparatively, it makes sense to engage with her solely under those circumstances instead of how the gods are a grab bag of good and evil depending on who is using them for a particular take.

It also falls into whataboutism that bores me to tears. If you judge calypso what about judging xyz god - when, as stated in my previous essay - what you want is FOR CALYPSO to be treated like them. And you won’t ever get to this point if you digs in your heels and demand she be unconditionally loved BEFORE she is treated like a normal, every day problematic god! You are putting the cart before the horse!!

It would be FAR more productive to rephrase this argument as “Calypso is LIKE the other gods - awful in a lot of ways, but there’s still things about her that you can relate to.” Though it’s harder to find example because she has so LITTLE content to extrapolate compared to the far more prolific gods, it gets the point across better.

It’s entirely farcical when one comes across posts that state Hades, Apollo etc are rapists and “forgiven” while “calypso is demonized!” When the female gods are just as batshit half the time. It’s NOT simply a matter of misogyny and throwing whatever male names you have on hand while ignoring the other goddesses reeks of straw manning. Which is precisely why I mentioned the goddesses earlier.

I do NOT appreciate arguments that are so blatantly one-side and used in tantrum-like posts whining about a fictional character you are perfectly allowed to loved! It’s SUCH a disservice to fandom.

Why are some characters liked more than others? Hell, that’s a question older than Star Trek! If you don’t put in the work, if you don’t curate loving your fave in your own space and do nothing but complain that others don’t…🤷🏽‍♀️I don’t know what to tell you!

Part 9: At least Calypso is the LEAST shitty villain right?

You’re still framing your love of a character as a moralistic one, which is an utter waste of time that doesn’t interest me, because in the grand scheme of the story she inhabits - no one gives a shit. Not Odysseus, not Hermes, not Athena, not Zeus etc

Like with God Games, as I mentioned in my previous essay. Calypso is beholden TO Zeus, being the FATHER and god KING. She’s a lesser Island goddess, arguably in the same camp as Circe (but she at least has nymphs to care for) who absolutely has power over Odysseus, and refuses to let him go under HER jurisdiction (again pls read my essay) but she isn’t AS important or powerful as Hermes - the messenger GOD send to tell her Zeus’s decree.

Athena has to go over her head with Zeus because it is the ONLY sure fire way Odysseus will be released quickly. If she went down to fight Calypso on HER island? A mess! Ody is just her friend, she has no claim over him. Calypso is CONVINCED she is the hero in Odysseus’s story. Remember that Athena is the goddess of wisdom, she reasoned the quickest and easiest way to resolve this debacle was thru Zeus.

And yet, despite all this, calypsos primarily role is one of absolute authority and control over Odysseus. THATS what matters. No one in the story proper cares about her backstory. The animation portrays perfectly how she was spiraling, because in the face of greater power she IS insignificant, and tho Odysseus strategically tells her what she wants to hear in the precise moment he needs to in order to facilitate his escape - the minute he’s done doing so, his face is utterly disinterested in her pain. Because. Ultimately. It doesn’t matter to the story.

Her character is complex and nuanced, but her role is straightforward. In the same way that no matter what she does, Calypso is utterly unable to empathize with her victim due to her godliness, no matter how sad her backstory, the MAIN story treats it as little more than a footnote compared to the tragedy of what she did to Odysseus by keeping him captive. It’s callous, sure, but simply how the story is structured.

For those who don’t mind wandering into the source material, it’s the very reason that her fate is ultimately ambiguous. Like Circe, we don’t KNOW of calypso ever gets better. If she meets someone knew and is kinder. It’s all fantasy. Fanfic. For calypso in particular she simply remains in her island forever alone or in some renditions KILLS HERSELF.

There’s no redemption. You are welcome to invent one. But the fates of those who block Odysseus’s way home are all intentionally vague. The cyclops, Circe, calypso, even POSEIDON. There’s no epilogue that claims any of them will follow through to being better people. Because their feelings don’t matter. Odysseus’s feelings do.

So even in the context of the original poem and the musical - Calypso being “comparatively” more or less shitty is….meaningless

I need you to look into a mirror and repeat “Calypso is a villain and I love her, calypso is a villain and that’s okay, calypso is a villain whose victim is Odysseus and it doesn’t matter as long as I’m not making pointless arguments about her”

As I have said AD NASUEM in the original essay you chose to respond to; her being a MONSTER is not a moral condemnation - it is simply a thing she IS.

It doesn’t matter why. It doesn’t matter how. She is IN THE SAME BOAT AS THE CYCLOPS - a scary ass god capable of ruining Odysseus’s life, centered on their own feelings, and dare I say w the same level of maturity. They are what they are.

Before speaking on Calypso I BEG that you stop, reassess, and try to rephrase ANY of what your about to say in a way that directly affects Odysseus - the same way EVERYONE talks about literally ALL THE OTHER ANTAGONISTS

The Ithaca Saga: What IS a Monster, how it’s presented, and when fictional S.A is integral to the plot.

So -

This was originally a response to @ / anniflamma which you can still find on my page unedited. But with the new discourse surrounding the suitors, I figured I could retool it as a standalone essay to express a topic I’ve been trying to pin down for a while now; What exactly does the mean when they call a character a monster? What do they do, do the reasons matter, and how does the subject of rape affect how the fandom consider some monsters more unforgivable than others? When IS rape in fiction “necessary” and why such questions defeat the purpose of exploratory creative works.

In this post we will discuss all the major antagonists of the Epic Musical, Penelope’s agency, the label of Monster and the types of moralizing one might do when faced with uncomfortable subjects in fiction and how to prevent these feelings from blinding is about what a story is trying to say.

For those who read my original response; there’s new content to read here and posts that will be referred to, if you’d like to give it another gander!

Thank you,

Let’s begin;

I think making the threat of rape explicit was very much needed, actually.

It’s come to my attention that there are people here and on tiktok who are so uncomfortable with the subject matter in this CENTURIES old tale that they’re both refusing to accept that it plays an important part in the original poem and musical, AND are bizarrely insisting that Jorge should have magically done away with it to make more palatable.

This is beyond juvenile - it’s a clear sign of media illiteracy.

What, if I may ask, do you think it means when you say that the suitors are going to force Penelope to choose one of them to marry.

You may respond that they want to take over Ithaca. That they want to be king. But take a moment to consider what forcing a woman to marry one of them will entail. I wonder if you think that one can divorce the idea of sexual violence in this plot.

It would be…unfathomably difficult to do so. Because you CANT. There is an implicit threat of Penelope’s will breaking and having to have unwilling and reluctant sex with any one of them in the event she just gave up and picked one.

This isn’t a storyline that depicts Penelope of being willing to marry any of the suitors. She is WAITING for her husband’s return. Even if he doesn’t, she doesn’t WANT to marry someone else. Her consent is being violated by the very merit of them being in her palace, eating her food, and threatening her son.

They’re doing ALL OF THIS in order to bend her will in the HOPES of raping her as a bonus to becoming king of Ithaca.

My contention is the use of “unnecessary” when it comes to this trope in media - though themes of rape can be uncomfortable, to call them unnecessary HAVE to meet certain criteria. Which this specific instance doesn’t.

By observing various responses, it’s clear that the threat of rape went completely over many’s head in this instance of the story. So I very must appreciate Jorge making it SO clear that it’s upsetting.

This part of the odyssey, and the musical, is very much about Penelope suffering under the threat of assault for YEARS. In the same way Odysseus was (a thing I touched upon in my calypso essay, in terms of his ambiguous situation in the musical) - it’s a parallel that works as both Antinous and Calypso were introduced (regardless on your personal interpretation of what Calypso did or did not do, but that’s neither here nor there).

It has taken an emotional and psychological toll of either spouse. And the kicker is that neither of them are freed of this situation on their own - they are both rescued by outside forces. Athena/Hermes helps free Odysseus; Athena/Odysseus will help free Penelope.

The looming threat of rape is SO necessary that it helps the catharsis factor we feel toward PENELOPE’s story - it’s nothing to do w Odysseus who by now is a force of nature as big as Poseidon, his actions happen TO her, and it’s up to her to decide (per “would you love me” ) what she feels about that. She can very well reject him! She’s suffered under male violence for YEARS. Odysseus’s violence and those of the suitors toward her are basis enough for the comparison.

Do all men, including her husband, become violent? Does she want to put up with that? We know from her song snippets that she is NOT a woman that simply succumbs to the Rape Rescue trope as suggested by ignorant consumers of media - and I call it ignorance and consumerism because there’s a clear lack of engaging with the material in an intuitive way. It’s just blind consumption - as if one bites into a burger and find a pickle, which you personally don’t like, and having it removed - you can’t treat ART that way .

Penelope is a very intuitive and emotionally intelligent queen. Stop infantilizing her. Her own husband suggests that like the suitors, his actions make him just as bad as they are and presents his hope as being understanding if she rejects him on those grounds. But those ARENT her grounds. She has full autonomy and can make a distinction FOR HERSELF whether she considers her husband equal to the monsters who have harmed her.

So let’s talk about the “Monster” label as it is presented on the entire musical.

Some have erroneously suggested that Odysseus has been given an out to commit cruel and ruthless deeds with out “good justification” - he does it for his family,, after all!

Which is a misunderstanding of everything every antagonist of each saga has done.

Let’s start with the Troy Saga: Odysseus has killed a BABY. He made the choice to put his family over this child. Everything he has done and lost would be for literally NOTHING if he hadn’t, as even if he had killed the suitors and regained everything - the GODS themselves would make sure that child would come to an aged Odysseus and slaughter him, Penelope, Telemachus and his entire kingdom when he came of age.

Odysseus STARTS as a monster. We have been rooting for the man who laid Troy and its children asunder. As such, the label of a monster is NOT so much a morally subjective label - it simply a thing that IS. Or rather. It is what ALL the antagonists ARE, but it’s hardly a condemnation of any of them.

(Peep that one of the first lines Ody says refers back to in the Vengeance Saga is what he did to Troy - he STILL views his actions over there as unforgivable, so not even HE will ever see himself otherwise, the problem was that he felt so guilty over it that he became a detriment (a different kind of monster) to his friends and family when they were all guilty of the same thing and trying to get home.)

ALL of the antagonists have a “good reason” to kill ALL the soldiers (who again, have looted and slaughtered the Trojans) Odysseus and his close friends included. Whether your AGREE is almost irrelevant…because the story itself proposes that it’s irrelevant.

The next saga introduces the cyclops: his motivation is primarily that his FRIENDS the sheep have been slaughtered. You can argue in the scope of things, you can’t empathize with this but it’s his good reason. He’s the son of a god, and these sheep are all he has. His friends, who matter to him as much as Polites does to Ody, are being taken and slain, he is being drugged, attacked and maimed. VERY much was Ody goes through in the final saga. And even so.

The Cyclops is antagonistic to the party, he’s a monster who feels justified killing to avenge his killed sheep. A monster is a thing he IS.

As Poseidon’s son, he asks his father to kill the 600 men who have ransacked his home and beat on him. He doesn’t view his father as being wrong for this. In the same ways Ody and Telemachus don’t waste any time addressing the slain suitors later on. Poseidon is a monster of a god - it’s just a thing he is. Not even being stabbed 100 times is enough to repay the harm he’s done - to most everyone, not just Ody, but we are not asked to quantify that. Just live with it.

Circe has killed NUMEROUS men over the years. HER “good reason” is that something bad happened to her nymphs when she let a stranger in her islands. She doesn’t even promise that she WONT kill in the future - her song ends w the suggestion that the world may continue to need her to puppeteer! Because she does not exist to be “redeemed” - she is somewhat more reasonable and capable of empathy than even the likes Athena, who being a greater and more powerful god, does not have the one on one affection to her follows as Circe does. She’s a monster! It’s a label, a thing she IS.

So here we begin to ask; is it LOVE that gives people the capacity to do monstrous things? Because the cyclops loved his sheep friends, Poseidon loves his son, Circe loves her nymphs.

And by now you’re saying now wait a minute didn’t the Underworld Saga go over this? Why yes it did! And Odysseus decides to “become the monster” - he already IS one by the standards of the cyclops, Poseidon, Troy - they all see him as a monstrous being. But he accepts that, after being one in Troy, he held back and ruined the lives of his men, making him a monster to THEM. His “good reason” for being so!

He attempts very hard to be the General he was in Troy and prioritize them going home, sparing no sympathy towards his enemies - but in the Thunder Saga we see the gods further push him to be completely self-serving like they are. The sun gods cows are harmed, he sends Zeus in relation - his “good reason” being his friend were personally harmed.

Odysseus’s “good reason” is ultimately decided to be the same good reason he had to slaughter the Trojans - to get back home to his wife and son.

Like with the Cyclops sheep, Circe’s nymphs, The Sun gods cows, and Poseidons son, WE are shocked and made to feel some type of way about Odyseuss’s reasoning. Surely HIS personal suffering shouldn’t cost the lives of “innocent” men…but it does! It surely does.

He is a monster. It’s just a thing he IS.

Now, Odysseus spends the next seven years under the thumb of ANOTHER monster. And through calypso own reasoning, despite her tragic backstory, her “good reason” she IS a monster. She’s incapable of understanding why she wasn’t reciprocated. Incapable of empathizing with a human because as a god who has spent eternity alone, it stands to reason she, like all the other monsters mentioned before, prioritizes HER personal suffering over everyone else’s. In some versions she either kills herself or does spend the rest of eternity alone. She’s a monster. This is a thing she IS.

Now what the HELL does all this have to do with the suitors?

Odysseus started the musical a MONSTER. He’s worn different hats, but it is what he IS. It’s a label, not a moral critique.

ALL of the antagonists of every saga have a “good reason” NONE of them are ruthless for ruthlessness sake! It’s immaterial whether you agree with them or not, but to understand them for what they are.

Odysseus is the antagonist of the ithica saga, md while the suitors are the antagonist to him and his family, we see their fate form THEIR POV

The suitors could not have been depicted as “rude youthful men” like Telemachus. That Odysseus killing them should be shocking - a frightening condemnation of everything he’s done and became. But I ask once again - in what world are the suitors not implicitly set up as monsters?

Because again. They aren’t being rude for rudeness’s sake! They aren’t JUST eating Penelope’s food and sleeping in HER house. Them threatening Telemachus, as you propose, isn’t “enough” of a reason because they didn’t wake up one day beefing w this boy. Everything they do is for the express purpose of sexual violence towards the Queen of Ithaca, who upon assaulting, will make it so any one of them will be King.

You can’t separate the one from the other. You get a nonsense scenario. The whole REASON they’re there in the first place.

Even if you create a fanfic where 108 men wake up one day and raid the palace to slaughter the royal family with no intent of sexually assaulting either (because remember Telemachus is also the subject of Hold Em Down) and then fight amongst themselves to be the next king, but then isn’t that STILL a “good reason” for Odysseus to slaughter them?

Now I hear what you may be asking: but if all the monsters of the sagas, Odysseus included, have a “good reason” even though we might not agree with it, what kind of monsters does that make the suitors? Surely and clearly THEY aren’t doing what they’re doing for noble reasons.

I consider them akin to the 600 men who died under their captains command.

Because, as stated before. Odysseus views his actions in a Troy as his start of monstrosity. He did all that to finish the war and do back home. He ruined the lives of all Trojans.

So did his soldiers.

The only moment in time (even in the deleted songs) that the bulk of them repent about the war is in terms that it left them without food.

But glasses! They were just following orders!

Which is what one of the suitors suggest in song 38. Their serpents head is dead, THEY were just going with Antinous’ flow, they are innocent.

Like the 600 soldiers, the 108 suitors sacked a home that wasn’t theirs and harmed a wife and child - does them being the queen and prince pale in comparison to the hundreds of wives and children slain in Troy? Homer is a genius to ask us to see these parallels for what it is.

The suitors ARE monsters. That is simply what all 108 of them are. In the context of the story itself, their intent is to break Penelope’s will, commit martial rape, and become king of Ithaca. They aren’t there for kicks, they aren’t ignorant boys, they’re socially accepted adults abusing the hospitality rule with an express purpose.

So a GROUP of monsters are slaughtered by ANOTHER monster, and though in this instance we can argue it’s morally justifiable, it doesn’t take away from Odysseus’s fear of being rejected by his family. He has ruined the lives of the Trojans, his men, AND multiple gods! To get to this point. He IS a monster. And the story asks US, through Penelope, if he is still worth loving.

Seeing Penelope as merely his reward is so backwards and bizarre. It’s very clear that bad faith interpretations of her are based on objectifying her erroneously, when the narrative presents her as a fully developed character.

In the story both in the poem and the musical that the suitors ARE NOT her guests. She is being sequestered against her will.

In what world could the suitors be “just” murderers and not….very clearly rapists? It’s BUILT into their motivation. You would have to change the very FOUNDATION of the Ithaca plot line and Penelope herself??? To say nothing of Telemachus’s role!

What’s the proposal here? That Penelope invited these suitors? That’s she’s actively looking for a replacement husband? Okay, again, that changes literally SO MUCH of the story, but wouldn’t that put Telemachus in a position where he too has to change? Does he resent his mother for doing this? Is he helping his dad out of spite or because he wants him back? How are we meant to view Penelope in this radically new and hip Epic the Musical? Is she savvy and in her right to choose a new boo? Okay…okay, so then….you want Odysseus to be the only one unchanged and go axe crazy because….hes jealous? He kills these upstanding men….curtain call. That’s all folks!

Absurdity at its finest. You throw Penelope’s agency out the window. Her weaving and unweaving her loom is meaningless or simply doesn’t happen. Or maybe it’s that she wakes up one day and goes hey yknow what I WILL consider marrying one of these guys with no sense of dread and fear. Oh wait Oddy has killed then all! Never mind me feeling unsafe a week ago, he’s done a Bad.

Crazy.

It’s just…not going to end up making Penelope look like a well written female character if Jorge has done what you wanted! THAT would make her a mindless prop. You seem to think she is one, and that’s not the case. Historically, in fact!

She is a whole person in the poem and musical whether you understand it or not. You would have to argue so thoroughly why she sucks and let me assure you - there are entire DISSERTATIONs on why you’d be incorrect.

So, no.

No, you CANT take away the rape in Penelope’s storyline. It matters ALOT. It’s the ROOT of the matter! Could old school vegetales make something up that’s more to your sensibilities? Maybe at its peak but god, I couldn’t possibly come up with a draft that could reflect that. I won’t even try.

The rape aspect of the Ithica Saga isn’t unnecessary - it’s INTEGRAL to the plot. It can make you uncomfortable, but it’s BUILT into the royal family’s suffering whether it’s explicit or not! And it SHOULD be explicit! Because you seem to think because it usually isn’t, that the rape aspect isn’t there!

I cannot imagine coming to this kind of conclusion.

They are not random men going on a siege of the palace one day - you cannot “sanitize” the SUITORS because by the very merit of them calling each other THE SUITORS there is an implicit threat of sexual violence. Because Penelope doesn’t WANT suitors. She rejects them. They’re already violating her consent.

How the FUCK to do you censor the rape when it’s in every action they take? And I know what you’re saying: but didn’t Jorge censor the rape aspect that both Circe and Calypso commit towards him?

Further reading: suggests that ALLUDING to it is not the same as censoring, that it still FITS the PURPOSE of these characters in regards to Odysseus’s suffering under them. That after ambiguity, it is NECESSARY to make the rape aspect CLEAR in order to create both catharsis and MEANING at the end of the narrative. The THEME is still respected and present, it is not REMOVED. Please consider reading the linked follow up that answers this question.

In short.

It’s truly a matter of using one’s goddamn head when it comes to view fictional depictions of rape as “necessary” - because though some depictions can be presented BADLY, to suggest they should not EXISTS lends itself to rape culture. It silences the voices of victims. Its representation denied. Don’t talk about it, don’t even suggest it, because rape is bad.

It’s an action that happens to people. It’s a crime in civilized society. It’s a physical and psychological trauma that has always been. It happens daily, in fact. Though epic the musical is a source of entertainment for you, it doesnt exist solely for that purpose.

When Homer included it within his original oral story, he did so as a storyteller trying to get his audience to philosophize, not simply have fun.

I think we’ve come to some abysmal conclusion that men can’t write about these topics when we have historical evidence of at least one man knowing what the hell he’s talking about. And Jorge has done a phenomenal job even when he hadn’t depicted blatantly.

If you’re uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to see it at all, that is entirely on you, art and creative works allow us to explore these topics safely. Whether it’s from the POV of the assailant or one of the victims commenting on it, fiction is one of the only places we can talk about it and learn about ourselves in a way it doesn’t harm real people.

I don’t even want to BEGIN discussing all the losers who are still harassing Antinous fans or people who genuinely enjoy his song despite/BECAUSE of the subject matter. Its purpose in the story matters more than you policing how it’s presented and how it’s consumed. No amount of people enjoying themselves will take away the foundational POINT of the character and song. It’s perfect the way it is.

Like with the chaos that calypso discourse wrought, you cannot control how people treat a NOT REAL CHARACTER or the songs they sing - if it bothers you that one type of fictional villian is treated one way or another, it is on you to find likeminded people instead of going into others faces and pretending to be a self-righteous prick. You can throw whatever buzzwords you want, the CONTEXT these characters live in has nothing to do with how others want to play with them. If you don’t understand the difference between the two instances, fandom is certainly not for you and will not be changed to suit your sensibilities.

To end this post, I want to thank those who further asked me questions and bounced ideas off with me, and wow, what a phenomenal ending to a grandiose musical. I hope I can see it live, animated, streamed, developed into a game etc whatever form it takes now that the concept albums are published

Thank you all for engaging w my work💖

#why the hell would you focus on calypso in a 10k essay that mentions her twice and even frames the OTHER VILLAINS in the same way #use your head for the love of god #im tired of this grandpa #did you even read the rest of the fucking essay or did you see calypso’s name and black out as you wrote this?#if you had read the rest of the fucking essay you wouldn’t have written that flippant excuse for character analysis #epic calypso #epic the musical #rocks for fucking brains when it comes to her I swear #why do you hate calypso so much glasses ACTUALLY I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who actually fucking likes her #because I speak about her complexity and immaturity while everyone else only wants to argue how sad she is SHUT UP!!!!!! pls.

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mayaflowerxs · 4 years ago

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Hello! I just want to say that I really like your writing! can you write nsfw alphabet with jeno, please? 🥺

NSFW Alphabet w/ Jeno

Warning: SMUTTY

A/N: THANK U SM! This one is for you enjoy ! :)

Aftercare:

There wouldn’t be much aftercare other than him asking you if he was a little too rough on you. He would be very soft on you, that inner dom of his gone as he’s at your aid for anything.

Body part:

He loves your hips. He practically has the world in his hands and that’s you. He also loves pinning you and it drives him crazy how much power he has over you pinned down underneath him. He also loves sucking hickies on them, it’s a great view for him to see when he has his hands on them. And not only does he love them when having sex he also loves them because he can easily pull you near him at any time. It comforts him when he wraps his arms around your waist.

Cum:

He loves coming all over your face, it’s absolutely glorious for him. Like a painting so valuable you can’t even put a price on it. He especially loves kissing you while his liquids is on your face, absolutely loses it when you lick some it off (if you’re into that)

Dirty Secret:

Consensual somnophilia is the best kind of sex for him. He loves how cute and innocent you look being woken up by his cock ramming you deeply. Lots of times he’ll try to keep himself from having sex with you because he tries to wait until you fall asleep. He won’t tell you out loud he likes it because he doesn’t want you to think he’s weird so he tries not to do it too often which is a bit of a bummer for him.

Experience:

He’s experienced all right. A gorgeous man like that and he hasn’t slept with two or three girls maybe more? Can’t be. He doesn’t care that everyone knows how many people he slept with even if he wasn’t dating them but if you did the same I can see him a bit competitive. Each time a man comes up to you, the reminder of you being with other guys before him ticks him off. So when you two get in bed, he makes it his goal to make you feel a lot more satisfied. To prove to himself only he can make you feel so good and no one else.

Favorite Position:

Missionary. He absolutely loves seeing you so vulnerable underneath him. Like I said, he loves pinning you and grabbing my your waist so missionary definitely is the go to position. He also loves it when he pulls your leg over his shoulder UGH, his stupid smirk forming on his face once he hits a new spot that makes you wild, ego bar raised.

Goofy:

He’s not goofy at all when it comes to sex. Even when stuff leads up to it he isn’t goofy. He also isn’t serious also. He’s kinda, dommy I guess? He knows what he wants and it’s going to happen. And if he’s angry… oh boy be prepared. He won’t even let you talk and use you like a rag doll.

Hair:

He’s in the middle. It isn’t completely bare but also isn’t a bush you know?

Intimacy:

He’s not sensual during the sex. He likes it rough for sure and he’s a pretty kinky man. You know the intimacy is raised to the maximum when he’s having a very hard time. For a man like him who likes things to be rough, when he’s stressed he actually doesn’t go rough on you. Instead he prefers to have you be on top and remind him how much love he has then repays you.

Jerk off:

He does it quite often. When he has to stay at the dorm, he’ll lock himself in his room and get off with the thought of you doing dirty things to him. He hates it when he can’t spent time with you, so he results to touching himself. Not even just when he misses you. He’ll get the random crave of touching you but since he can’t come over to fuck you in your bed, he results to masturbating somewhere near and private. After he’s done with whatever he had going on that day, he’ll visit you and finish off the rest of his urges out on you.

Kink:

Somnophilia, exhibitionism are his go two. He might have others but they aren’t as much of a strong liking for it to be considered a kink of his. He loves fucking you in places where it is absolutely not for sexual intercourse. He can’t help it, your just to hot to not fuck and doing it in public? Oh yesss.

Location:

This boy usually fucks you at your house. But if he had a location where he wishes to fuck you in every single time you two have sex is by the park in the car. You guys have done it numerous of times and he has had the best orgasms every single time. He just loves having car sex and not just car sex, it has to be near a park.

Motivation:

You’re literally so damn fine he gets horny by the mere thought of you sucking him off. If you’re with him you could literally be using short shorts and his oversized shirt and he already has your shorts and panties by your ankles.

No:

Does not do threesomes and pegging. He’s very possessive of you. Not too much but enough to where you know this man does not share at all. If you’re screaming it’s because he’s fucking you so good not because another man is doing so. Your his and his only.

Oral:

Fucking LOVES oral. He loves how cute you look as your eyes stare directly into his as you have your pretty lips wrapped around his oozing tip. Makes him want to fuck your mouth all day. He also loves how squirmy you get when he starts eating you out so good. He knows how to use his mouth and any time you try to push his head away from your sore cunt he pins your hands down and only goes wilder on your pussy. Adding another orgasm for being a bad girl.

Pace:

Mf is fast and rough. He loves how fast he’s fucking you to the point the slapping sounds start to increase in volume. Not only that, your moans also get louder. Small bruising starts forming from how hard he’s gripping your waist.

Quickies:

He likes quickies if he’s really horny but most times he likes taking his time with you. He loves to overstimulate you so he definitely is going to take his sweet time taking good care of you.

Risk:

Oh my god this boy is all for it. The risk of getting caught is his adrenaline to continue pounding you harder and harder. The idea of getting caught makes him feel alive and he honestly wouldn’t care if he got caught. The most riskiest thing you guys have done is fucked on a hill, anybody could’ve found you guys but he couldn’t care at all. Poor you, he had you go on for 5 rounds and fingered you. By the time you two were done and got dressed you guys started going down the hill when a family was barely making it up. You were relieved they didn’t arrive sooner but Jeno was low key bummed you guys didn’t get caught. Quickly getting over it once he saw the family had a younger kid with them. Definitely glad they weren’t caught, the kid was too young to be asking questions.

Stamina:

This boy can last for a WHILE. If you two have a place to be and can only do at least two rounds he still has a lot more he needs to release. He might seem completely fine from the outside but once you guys are home there he goes pounding you from behind, tight grip on your hips as he plunged into you until you were begging for him no more.

Toys:

He’s all for toys. He only uses devices to edge you on but once your close to climaxing, he turns it off and replaces it by using himself to fuck you your climax.

Unfair:

He loves teasing so damn much. He loves how desperate you get every time he denies you release. But as soon as you do it to him you better pray he goes easy on you because if not, you two will go all night.

Volume:

He’s a groaner. He loves hearing you scream his name as your 4th orgasm has you close to tears. Anytime he feels overly pleased he’ll bite your neck and suck hickies on them. Gripping your hair when he’s coming. Continuously groaning, filling you up to the brim.

Wildcard: Once he really needed to have you bent over a table to fuck your because of much of a brat you were being. Since the boys were with you at a restaurant, he instead fingered you throughout the entire dinner. Somehow the boys never realized Jeno wasn’t using an arm, well al except Jisung. And when you begged Jeno to retracted his arm, he took you to the bathroom and fucked you in there. Yeah the boys never let that go.

X-ray: I see him to be at least 7 inches, nice girth but isn’t that thick but enough to completely fuck you dumb.

Yearning: HE’S ALWAYS HORNY! Idk how he does it to keep himself cool in front of others but if you’re in arms reach you’re in for a wild ride because he will not get off you until every last drop of energy of him is completely sucked out of him.

Zzz:

He doesn’t sleep right away unless he went literally crazy on you. If it was one of those times where you do kinda had to cut down the rounds he wouldn’t be tired but rather wide awake and ready to go on with the day. But if he has your legs wrapped around him as he fucks you orgasm after orgasm then he most likely will fall on the bed besides you, knock out in seconds.

#nct dream imagines #nct dream #nct jeno #nct jeno imagines #jeno imagines #lee jeno #jeno smut #nct scenarios #nct imagines #jeno scenarios #nct reactions

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sepublic · 4 years ago

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SEASON 2 OF THE OWL HOUSE!!!

RUHGISN/LIFNALARNGLIENARE

Onto business first and foremost! We get twenty-one episodes, an extra one to make up for the rather odd, nineteen-count from the first season! That’s forty episodes in total! Then Season 3…

OH, Season 3… I love it but it hurts! The Lord giveth and taketh away, it’s confirmed, but it’s only THREE 44-minute specials! By my calculations, that’s about the length of SIX normal episodes… THE OWL HOUSE IS SO DANG POPULAR AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO DISNEY?!?!! First Amphibia’s finale gets screwed over, THEN this?! But at least Amphibia gets its full third season… At least I assumeit does, oh for the love of Titan if it doesn’t…

It is extremely imperative that we petition Disney to let TOH’s third season be full-length! Because Dana herself admitted that the main reason she left Twitter was to cope with THAT news, and… OH MY GOD POOR DANA you fought SO hard against all odds to give us this show, this previous love-child of your mind and heart and spite, for this!? But it might not be too late- If we assault Disney with our demand, they MIGHT just change their mind! SO GET ON WITH IT! Let the cartoon community rally AGAIN!

But, right-

The first half of episodes for Season 2 is going to be TEN episodes, the second half will be eleven! Already better than the first season, but as a reminder, that’s what we’re getting so far before our mid-season hiatus! And on THAT note…

We have confirmation for the first FIVE episodes, which will begin airing just a mere FOUR WEEKS from now! We have Separate Tides, Escaping Expulsion, Echoes of the Past, Keeping Up A-fear-ances, and Through the Looking Glass Ruins!

These episode titles spell out “SEEK T”, presumably “Seek t(he)”, so we can already guess the next two episodes after TtLGR! That leaves fourteen more letters for the Season 2 message; The last one was “A witch loses a true way,” so perhaps this season is advising Luz to seek something that will help her get back home? Something that will help her confront and defeat Belos? A little bit of both?

Separate Tides is the season premiere! Luz is feeling guilty about the loss of Eda’s powers, poor girl, so she’s going to set sail for a lucrative bounty? Interesting… Perhaps a real Bloom of Eternal Youth? Something magical and bile-related? More lore on the nature of magic and its origins???

Escaping Expulsion… hoo boy, THAT’s what we’ve all been looking forward to! Odalia and Alador get Luz, Willow, and Gus expelled?! No rights for them, even if that was already obvious but WOW. But more importantly, Luz strikes a deal with the two?!? What do Odalia and Alador want from Luz, to get her back into Hexside?!?!

Dana mentioned how Season 1 had more focus on Hexside at Disney’s request. Given how Season 2 is more her style and freedom, we might see Luz and the others remain expelled from Hexside, if only to detach them from the coven system for the time being as their rebellion grows… And give focus to OTHER things as well! Which is going to suck a LOT and I’m going to hate Odie and Al even more for this, taking away not just Luz’s opportunity but also Willow and Gus’… Especially Willow since they DID follow through on that threat, holy shit, Amity and Willow must be hurt and traumatized from this!

But what do Odalia and Alador want from Luz? Do they want to use her as leverage against Belos? To use her FOR Belos? I’m suddenly reminded of that idea I had about Odalia and Alador being interested in Luz as like, an actual suitor for Amity… GOD my Lumity heart would actually love it if that were the case! Obviously in the long run it’s bad and for THEIR purposes, but the idea of Luz learning to be more proper for them, for AMITY really… Oh man, this is reminding me of my speculation of Luz and Alador parallels! We might just see what makes Alador so interesting to Dana in this episode, and just the SECOND one of Season 2, no less- Right into the story meat!

ECHOES OF THE PAST! King lore! KING LORE!!! Even better Luz, Lilith, and… HOOTY… go to a new island?! An island related to King’s past? Is Eda sticking with King to make sure he doesn’t do anything, or god, did King’s antics get her into trouble again? And Hooty… HOOTY is coming with Luz and Lilith???! I’m grateful for Luz and Lilith interaction, we might get to see them talk things over, but how is Hooty…? Is the house coming along?

Dana mentioned two spoilers and a lie, one of them was Hooty leaving the house! I guess this is one of them… The others were Camila beating someone up and Gus getting a growth spurt, which we’ll get onto later; So I think Camila beating someone up is the lie! Dang it… But a dangerous new island, could this be related to the various pieces of Titan bones mentioned in The Unauthorized History of the Boiling Isles, scattered throughout the boiling seas, all alluding to another incomplete Titan?!

Are they KING’S REMAINS??! And his bones are incomplete because he still has his SKULL!!!!

Keeping Up A-fear-ances is pretty obviously Gwendolyn. Screw you, Gwen, and the confirmation that her presence is causing strain for everyone… YIKES. Hopefully we’ll get Young Eda and Lilith backstory, and see how they transitioned from the YBOS flashback to present-day! Perhaps Gwendolyn DID help Eda when she first transformed… Either way, I do not like her. But she’ll be fascinating to see!

Through the Looking Glass Ruins! As I said before, Gus gets a growth spurt, and he’s trying to impress kids from Glandus… Which YES GLANDUS, more schools lore! But uhh… If they’re at Glandus, is it because they didn’t get back into Hexside after all, and they’re moving to a different school? Luz and Amity are exploring a dangerous library there, which, Lost in Language flashbacks! But why is AMITY there… Oh Titan, does SHE choose to leave Hexside at the end of Escaping Expulsion, as a means of defying her parents’ will, to go with the friends she loves! If so… YEAH AMITY! That, or she’s out on a visit. Will Amity run from home and live with the others, or maybe Willow and her dads? Gus and Perry? Or will she still be at the Blight Manor… Dana wasn’t kidding about Emira and Edric being distracted from Grom!

Maybe Amity works something out that gets her expelled from Hexside, and Glandus is the new school for her, who knows? Perhaps it’s because of Belos, and so Odalia and Alador are furious, but they want their kid at a school regardless, so Glandus it is! The Hexside Banshees lost their best captain… Not that she was even playing so it doesn’t matter, but still! THIS would be quite a shock and change for Amity! And Luz, Willow, and Gus… Dang, they’re just losing a lot huh?

If they ARE going to Glandus and enrolling there, then maybe the episode will end in a failure, or maybe they’re pretending to in order to access the library, maybe a library incident will get their enrollment cancelled! I’m interested in seeing Glandus’ location, we know it’s on an island elsewhere… I kind of want to see the principal of Glandus, will they be cool like Bump? Have a rivalry with him??? Hexside lore??? FORBIDDEN SHIP BETWEEN BUMP AND GLANDUS PRINCIPAL??!?!

But yeah, those are the episode synopses, and they promise a LOT! It seems each episode so far is just pure character or plot stuff… Not to dunk on ‘filler’, which I think is misused for a lot of episodes honestly, but I like it! I guess Dana and crew have to make the most of their time thanks to Disney’s weird thing with Season 3, screw you Mickey… But yeah! I’m definitely gonna say more stuff and talk about the intro, but for now, I AM HYPED!!!

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godsofhumanity · 4 years ago

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CLASS OF THE TITANS (2005-2008) | REVIEW

so here’s a show that I used to watch as a child but couldn’t actually remember almost a decade later! then i discovered that it was about greek mythology and i knew i had to watch it again, and it is soooo worth it.

OVERVIEW: The descendants of Achilles, Artemis, Hercules, Jason, Narcissus, Odysseus, and Theseus are summoned to New Olympia on a mission to save the world from Cronus, who wants revenge after escaping from 4,000-years imprisonment.

RATING: 8/10. the show is honestly actually quite accurate to a point,, and i actually learnt new things about greek mythology from watching. there’s a lot of thought put into the storyline, and it’s really great to see.

AVAILABLE ON: youtube (Retro Rerun has all 52 episodes)

NOTE: there is an unaired alternative ending you can watch here. skip to 3:50.

THINGS I LIKED:

- greek myth au where Pan is a DJ who goes by the name of “DJ Panic” and uses his music to make plants grow wildly and kill off the human race >:D

- literal dad Apollo with a full belly and beard???? what a hottie

- EVIL CRONUS!!! what a great villain!!!!! he has everything you could ever want in a villain:

evil smile, evil laugh, evil motivations, wears black 24/7, follows a red/black/grey/white colour theme, is tall, says “ta-ta” and waves like a posh british person, says the line “come to daddy” when referring to a monster, grins a lot, wicked eyebrows, black hair with a lethal streak of grey, sharp cheekbones, is polite in a condescending way, mocks people, has cool scythe weapons, hires dumb henchmen.

- Hephaestus where he isn’t dumb or bullied by the other olympians!!!! he’s smart and a little feisty, and he has a special boot for his leg!!! he’s probably actually one of the most essential gods in the story!

- Zeus is not portrayed as a playboy.. if you want King Zeus, Leader of the Greek gods and Pursuer of Justice- this is the show for you <3

- Hermes being a dad and scolding his son, while also being proud of what a great thief he is (this is about Autolycus)

- using the version of the Arachne myth where Athena curses Arachne because she was pissed at how good Arachne was. i do think that Athena must have been a little bit vain as demonstrated in Paris’ myth AND the Arachne myth so i’m glad they chose this version. however, Athena acknowledges that perhaps she was unjust, and Arachne acknowledges that she shouldn’t have been so egotistical about it- and they make up, and Arachne is turned back into a human <3

- Hera’s battle armour transformation

- Orion and Artemis T-T Orion’s transformation from the sky was very awesome and creative,, and it was very touching how he and Artemis made-up <3

- awesome story line!! it’s very well written, and it explores so many different aspects of greek mythology- some stuff i hadn’t even heard of until i researched further!

- makes mythology easier for children to understand, without dumbing it down too much. Cronus even refers to Hera, Poseidon AND Zeus as his children, despite Hera and Zeus being married- but it’s done so that it doesn’t sound weird, which is an incredibly brave decision for a kids’ show

- portraying the descendants of the heroes as being of various cultures- this is something soooo tricky to do i feel, and so many people do it in a way that completely erases the fact that greek mythology is GREEK! here, the greek gods themselves are still greek, and the main protagonist (Jay) is also Greek,, but they make it completely plausible that since thousands of years have passed, the Greek hero bloodlines have mixed with other cultures and thus their descendants are of other cultures besides Greek. i thought this was a very clever way of having diversity without it being at the expense of authenticity.

- the soundtrack was pretty cool i thought, and the animation very smooth

- classifying Narcissus as a “hero”.. idk,, i just thought it was a funny idea and Neil’s power being “luck” was hilarious

- everytime Jay said “Cronus!”

- if you like the HC that Poseidon has no idea how to swim due to him taking advantage of his ability to control the sea, then there is a scene towards the end of this show where Poseidon is literally drowning due to the fact that he doesn’t know how to swim T-T

- the ending!!!!!!!! aghhhh Cronus ur the baddest of them all King <3 really wish there was a season 3, but at the same time, it was a good place to stop.

- Herry’s grandma whacking Cronus. get his ass Queen!

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE:

- i guess rewatching as an older person, i never realised how misogynistic some of Archie’s lines were.. like, i love Archie as a character- but some of his lines, especially those concerning Atalanta, were so possessive and weird and it’s odd because none of the other characters are like that.

- not something that i didn’t like per say, but i kinda thought from the first few episodes that it was Jay and Atalanta that would be together, but then Theresa came and it became Archie and Atalanta (punks stick together) and Theresa and Jay (good kids/leaders stick together) which was a little stereotypical i guess,, just something i observed

- alternative ending- i HATE the way Jay’s finger just kinda,, “wiggles” at the end like he’s still kinda alive after a piano has been dropped on him T-T

- Odie complaining every two episodes about how he’s “underrated” and “unappreciated” just because he’s the nerd character. the geeks on the team are literally so essential to the team’s success,, like the team would literally die without them and i’m a little sick of the trope where the nerd throws a temper tantrum because they’re the “weak link”... STOP IT! i want to see the nerd being on equal footing with the team, and understanding that they are just as valuable as the brawns of the team.

- Daedalus’ android counterpart was actually insanely freaky,, as was Cronus’ robot version, especially when it’s skin started to melt off in the fire :0

- Artemis being one of the 7 “original” heroes... Atalanta was literally right there?? also Hippolyta? Penthesilea? idk,,, odd decision.

#uhmmm sorry that i keep posting stuff lololol whoopsies #class of the titans #review

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taiblogcomics · 4 years ago

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I Can’t Pet Force You To Read This One, But...

Hey there, high school crushes. Well, it's finally here. Can you believe it? Yes, counting from the original Xanga site (which, yes, still counts. It's like our own Golden Age publication or apocryphia), this is our 10th anniversary of reviewing comics. That's fantastic. I'm excited, can't you tell? I can tell, since I'm writing this preamble a good two months before the actual anniverary~

So, last year we reviewed the absolute pile of dreck that is Heroes in Crisis. And while that was worth ripping into, I'd rather not spend the 10th anniversary hating on something. I'd like to do something actually meaningful to me. I've teased about this one for many years, probably for as long as I've been doing this blog, and I think it's time we stopped pussyfooting around and reviewed some Garfield. But not just any Garfield. It's finally time, my friends. This... is Garfield's Pet Force.

I dunno how many people will remember this one. Maybe you recall the direct-to-DVD movie adaptation from 2009, or at least advertising for it. I never saw it, but apparently it differs a bit. They also appeared a few times in those Garfield comics from back in the day. We even reviewed a couple (some were on the Xanga blog). But what we're looking at here are the original novellas published between 1997 and 1999. So yeah, these really are from my childhood. And since I've long espoused that Garfield was always funnier 20 years ago, this must be actual premium Garfield content, yeah? By golly, I hope so, because we got five whole books here today. So we should probably get into them~

Book 1: The Outrageous Origin

This is a classic sort of superhero cover. Standard team shot of poses, and that's fine for a first volume. In fact, that's great. Later editions of this would replace the lightning-filled gradient background with a pure white one, but I have this original version. We'll get to specifics about these characters in the meat of the story, but let's talk about the costumes for a bit. Very classic early-'90s sort of look, before the Dark Age kicked in. Reminds me a lot of Jim Lee's X-Men designs, actually. Making all your characters visually distinct is important in a team book. The heavy lean into secondary colours is unusual for heroic characters, but not unwelcome.

So we actually start with a cold open in the superhero universe. This is pretty much to introduce us to the characters as soon as possible, and thus I'll do the same for you here.

*Garzooka, team leader, super strong, has a razor-sharp claw, and can shoot radioactive hairballs from his mouth. That's... at least a unique power, I don't think anyone on the Justice League can do that~ *Odious, the dumb muscle with the accent on the "dumb". Possibly even stronger than Garzooka, and possessing a "super-stretchy stun tongue", an elastic tongue that can scramble the minds of whoever it adheres to. *Starlena, the team girl. She can fly, and she has a siren song that can put those who hear it into a hypnotic trance. Garzooka is the only one immune to its effects, for reasons that are never explained. *Abnermal, the kid-appeal character. He has ice powers, forcefields, and an ill-defined "pester power" that means he can annoy people on a greater scale than normal folks. It's pretty much only used for comic relief, but that could be a brilliant power in the right hands. *Compooky, the brains of the operation. Other than flight, his powers are limited to super intelligence, which means he's usually the exposition guy. There's probably a reason they left him out of the movie adaptation~

You got all that? Don't worry, we'll introduce you again later in the book. What actually happens in the intro chapter isn't really important, it's just setting up the universe. In fact, it's all taking place within Pet Force #99, a comic just enjoyed by Nermal. Yes, we quickly cut over to the main Garfield universe ("our universe", the narrator calls it), where Pet Force is just a comic book. The Garfield gang is all outside, enjoying a cookout prepared by Jon Arbuckle. Nermal is extremely enthused by his comic book, and brags about how he has all 98 previous issues sealed and polybagged, and this one will soon join them. Sorry, Nermal, this came out in 1997, the speculator boom already went bust~

Garfield dismisses comic books as stupid because you can't eat them or use them as a blanket, and declares that none of the stuff that happens in the comic could possibly happen in real life. Uh oh, irony! Because these things can happen, and do! It's a parallel universe, baby! This might be one of my earliest introductions to a "parallel worlds" concept. Much like Earths 1 and 2 in pre-Crisis DC, the events of the comic are essentially the real life adventures of their super-powered counterparts in another dimension. Most of the action in these stories will take place there~

So here's the setup: Vetvix (the parallel equivalent to Liz the veternarian) is an evil sorceress and scientist, who essentially wants to experiment on animals in peace, and possibly subjugate the universe while she's at it. You could argue that Liz is an odd choice for villain, since our universe's Liz isn't particularly evil. But then, our universe's Garfield isn't particularly heroic either. She operates out of a deadly space station called the Orbiting Clinic of Chaos, and at present she's waiting for the arrival of her henchman, Space Pie-Rat, who is a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic rat dressed in stereotypical pirate getup. Vetvix has just finished inventing a levitation ray, and she'd like Pie-Rat to go out and use it to steal all the food in the universe. Vetvix doesn't think small, is what I'm saying.

The counter to Vetvix is Emperor Jon, ruler of the planet Polyester. He's kind and benevolent, even if he's a little dippy and his fashion sense atrocious. Having gotten wind of Vetvix's latest plan, he contacts Pet Force in their ship, the Lightspeed Lasagna. Upon learning the problem, Pet Force gives chase to Pie-Rat. They eventually corner him on some desolate planet, landing and entering an abandoned factory. Unfortunately, they're not safe amongst the dangerous machinery, because this turns out to be a trap. Vetvix has been busy as hell, because she's also invented a metal that's impervious to their powers. And that's not all, because she's also basically invented the Phantom Zone, where she traps Pet Force forever. It specifically mentions it doesn’t kill them, because it wouldn't be kosher to murder the heroes in a Garfield book~

The Lightspeed Lasagna has both onboard cameras connected to the heroes' belts as well as automatic return protocols, so within two days, Emperor Jon knows exactly what's happened to Pet Force. He needs help, so he calls upon his most trusted and powerful advisor: Binky the Sorceror. Binky's just as loud and obnoxious as in the main universe, but he's also a powerful magician. He conjures up a spell for Emperor Jon that lets him pierce the veil between universes. It's basically Equestria Girls rules: parallel universes have similar characters between them. So to replace Pet Force, they need the nearest genetic equivalents from another universe. And that's the versions of Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky that we know and love~

Back in the main universe, it's another day entirely. Another cookout is taking place, and Nermal has received his special anniversary issue of Pet Force #100. The cover's really special, dripping with '90s cover gimmicks like glow-in-the-dark and embossing. A rarely used one, though, was "portal to another universe". That was pretty expensive to print, so you won't find many comics like Nermal's. Maybe he had something there with the collecting after all. The cover glows, and while Jon is distracted by the grill, Garfield and Friends disappear~

They reappear in Emperor Jon's wood-paneled throne room, now transformed into Pet Force. Emperor Jon and Sorceror Binky try to explain the situation, but Garfield--now Garzooka--is disbelieving of the whole thing. In fact, even the idea that Jon can now hear him talk absolutely floors him. Since he's about to deliver the exposition for everyone, can we talk about Compooky for a minute? This spell has just granted sapience to Garfield's teddy bear. I don't expect deep philosophy from a children's novella, but the ramifications of this are really under-explored. Like, never mind the whole idea of a teddy bear having the same genetic makeup as an alternate universe equivalent. He goes from inanimate object to fully conscious being, and he just rolls with it.

Anyways, once everybody gets caught up on what's going on and accepts the new reality, a training montage ensues so the group can all learn to use their powers without killing each other. Once at least reasonably trained, the reborn Pet Force is sent out to stop Pie-Rat. He's gotten sloppy in the times with Pet Force dead, so they track him down easily. After a brief scuffle where Garzooka takes his eyepatch, Pie-Rat flees in his ship. They follow Pie-Rat back to the Orbital Clinic of Chaos, but they can't go in the front. That led the original Pet Force into a trap. Finding an unguarded maintenance hatch--standard on any big space station--they enter Vetvix's lair for a final confrontation!

After dealing with the Waiting Room of Doom, which slowly fills with outdated magazines, they enter Vetvix's inner sanctum. Frustrated with Pie-Rat's failure, she uses her magic to turn him into an ordinary mouse. Vetvix then attempts to use her same weapon on this new Pet Force, but thanks to story contrivance, it only works on beings born in this universe. As other dimensional visitors already, they can't be banished to another dimension. She then pulls a Dr. Claw and runs off cursing Pet Force's name while her base self-destructs. Vetvix is a very "discard and draw" sort of villain, it seems. Pet Force, of course, makes a harrowing escape just in the nick of time.

Returning to Emperor Jon, they vow to be ready to return whenever they're called on, since evil never stays dormant for long. Odious even gifts Emperor Jon with the mouse-ified Pie-Rat as proof of their victory. Well, I'm glad they remember that, so they didn't accidentally murder a major villain in their first superhero outing. They're returned to their own universe, and the time differential between them places them back with Jon having not had time to even look up from the grill. Garfield begins to doubt the adventure even happened--until that night, when he finds Pie-Rat's eyepatch still on his person. Ah, definitive proof of... eyepatches, I guess~

Book 2: Pie-Rat's Revenge!

You have to wonder where, in a space-faring superhero setting, Pie-Rat got the inspiration for his classic pirate motif. It's a little incongruous is all I'm saying. And hey, remember when I said earlier that Garzooka's purple-and-green colour scheme was odd for a hero? Well, here he is as a villain! That'll catch your eye. This would be a terrific comic cover, which is what you want in a series like this.

The book opens with a brief recap of the previous story's events, then moves into the new plot. See, Emperor Jon has opted to keep the polymorphed Pie-Rat as his pet. How very Ron Weasley of him. That's pretty apt, actually, because similarly Pie-Rat has maintained his intelligence in his new mousey form. Pie-Rat gets sick of being Emperor Jon's pet and plans a daring escape, exploiting the emperor's dimwitted and loving personality against him. Pie-Rat jams the lock with a food pellet and makes his escape that night.

Once free from his cage, he encounters Binky's cauldron, still left in the throne room from when the sorceror summoned Pet Force from Garfield's universe. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Pie-Rat jumps in the leftover brew. Suddenly he finds himself growing. He returns to his original anthropomorphic state--but with a twist. He's now twice his original height, a staggering twelve feet tall. He scoops up the rest of the remaining potion for later, and sneaks out of the palace as best as a 12-foot rat can sneak. Desiring revenge on both his former employer and his longtime foes, he steals Pet Force's ship and makes his escape from the planet, headed for Vetvix's newest base.

After his guards help Emperor Jon put the pieces of the problem together, they decide they must once again call upon the powers of Pet Force to recover their missing vehicle and stop the newly embiggened Pie-Rat. Fortunately, Garfield and friends have been watching movies all weekend, so Jon doesn't notice when his pets disappear from the living room in a bright flash. Of course, once returned to the alternate universe and the situation explained, they still have a problem: how do they give chase to Pie-Rat when he's got their ship?

And speaking of Pie-Rat in their ship, he's followed the trail of a mysterious energy output, and it's led him right to Vetvix's new base, the Menacing Moon of Mayhem. See, this is why you don't blow up your base: the backup base is never as good. if it was, it wouldn't be the backup. Given that it's such a shoddy base, Pie-Rat is easily able to get inside and get close to Vetvix. She's expecting a technological attack, so she's unprepared when he pulls out that vial of magic potion and sprinkles her with it. And naturally, the potion that made him grow 12 feet tall makes Vetvix shrink to 5 inches. It's magic, we don't have to explain it!

Pie-Rat takes the magic crystal that Vetvix uses to fuel her powers, which of course didn't shrink because magic is just bullshit. See previous paragraph's last sentence. And while Pie-Rat takes over the base and begins plotting a further revenge against Pet Force, we cut over to them. They're at Sorceror Binky's own castle, and it's clear he's a bit of a hoarder. This is to their advantage, though, as they eventually piece together a working spaceship out of old car parts and other things, all patched together between Compooky's know-how and Binky's magic. This seems like the sort of book where I could use that "it's magic" quote every other paragraph. But craft a new--if small--ship they do, and speed off in the newly christened Planetary Pizza.

The rickety little ship does eventually find its way to Pie-Rat's base, saving him the trouble of being proactive as a villain. The magic thing keeps happening, and Pie-Rat basically becomes Discord for a bit while he fights them, doing things like turning Starlena's siren song into actual living music notes. One by one, the members of Pet Force are taken out, with only Garzooka is left. He and Pie-Rat struggle, while Pie-Rat tries to aim the magic crystal at Garzooka. Garzooka uses his claw to rip the crystal from Pie-Rat and defeat him.

Unfortunately, here's where the cover comes in. It seems the moments Pie-Rat was focusing the crystal during the struggle affected Garzooka's mind. He puts the crystal around his own neck. which turns him evil. He helps Pie-Rat to his feet, and the pair escape in the Lightspeed Lasagna. While Pet Force pursues them in their ramshackle ship, the new criminal duo strikes the storage planet of Deli to steal their food. Pet Force manages to catch up as the villains celebrate their spoils, and use a magic blast from the systems Binky installed to short out the Lightspeed Lasagna. This enables them to dock with the ship and climb aboard for a contfrontation.

The group fights, and once again the bearer of a bullshit magic crystal subdues the heroes easily. Annoyed now, Garzooka takes hold of Starlena and prepares to kill her or something. She taps into the one thing she has left: she's not fighting just Garzooka, but Garfield in his body. She drops some heavy put-downs, which resonate with Garfield, and he hesitates long enough for her to cut the crystal off him. The crystal hits the floor and shatters, undoing its evil magics on Garzooka's mind as well as on all his teammates. With Pet Force reunited, Pie-Rat is easily subdued and locked up.

The group waits for the ship to power back up, then speed off to apologise to the planet Deli. Following that, they head back towards Vetvix's moonbase. That night, though, the magic that was making Pie-Rat 12 feet tall wears off, and he escapes from his cell. He steals the remaining shards of the crystal, climbs into the Planetary Pizza, and makes a getaway. As a bonus, he also repeats the power-down spell against the bigger ship, giving him ample time to escape. And he's not the only one. Over on the Menacing Moon of Mayhem, Vetvix also returns to her proper size, and abandons this base as well. And when Pet Force fails to find her, they simply return to their own universe, ready to be called on once again in the future~

Book 3: K-Niner: Dog of Doom!

Another very basic comic book-style cover. K-Niner is a much more typical villain in style. This one's actually a wrap-around, and features the rest of Pet Force reacting to K-Niner on the back cover. Which is good because, other than the first cover, the covers all have a heavy Garzooka focus. Which makes sense for a book series, I suppose, you wanna assure the kiddos that Garfield's gonna be in the book. But as a comic book series, this would be a bad look for a team book~

So after our standard introduction and recap, we start off with Vetvix in yet another new base, the Floating Fortress of Fear. I'm sure it's very intimidating, if she can keep hold of it for more than a single book. She's picking up from the epilogue and putting the last touches on K-Niner, mostly enhancing his intelligence. Now, you look at the cover and tell me what kind of voice you'd expect. Some sort of German or Austrian accent, like the doberman on Road Rovers? Does anyone remember Road Rovers~? Anyways, but no: he speaks with a posh British accent. You know, the "I say, good chaps, looks like we're in a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot?" type. Trust me, you can tell. But just because he sounds refined doesn't mean he's not evil.

I also love that after the initial "trapped them in the Phantom Zone" bit, the villains just go whole ham. K-Niner here demonstrates that he is indeed evil by threatening to rip out Vetvix's throat. Let your villains be villainous is all I'm saying. She's pleased he's so vicious, but feels he needs to learn his place as well. She force-chokes him until he complies. She then gives him his assignment: she thinks dogs should be liberated. The Boy Mayor of Second Life would approve, and so does K-Niner. Turning pets on their masters is just his style.

K-Niner takes a portable evolution gun, and immediately sets off. He begins on the planet Kennel. Isn't it neat how every planet is named after an English word that describes its function? K-Niner quickly takes over the dog population and turns them against their masters, because boosting their intelligence also makes them evil, of course. They use enslavement collars on their former owners, and within a few days, the dogs now run the planet. We cut over to Emperor Jon on Polyester, where a man has crash-landed a ship. He's an escapee from Kennel, and he's here to report the events so we can get the plot moving and once more summon Pet Force!

And summoned once more they are, Garfield and Friends once more conveniently disappearing in a split second while Jon's back is turned (this time they're outside playing volleyball). And once back in the parallel universe, Emperor Jon fills them all in on K-Niner's dastardly doings. Garzooka, naturally, takes great offense to dogs being in charge, and takes his duties as a hero completely seriously for once. Pet Force takes off for a confrontation with K-Niner in the Lightspeed Lasagna. And speaking of Pet Force's ships...

The Planetary Pizza, piloted by Pie-Rat, plants its pads down on polar planet Glacia. Pie-Rat is here seeking a way to restore his magic crystal and regain his mighty magic powers. He's sought out the home of a legendary evil wizard, who's known by the name of... Barfo. I see why Barfo keeps his location a secret. But anyway, Barfo is the one who made the crystal, so naturally Pie-Rat reasons he can restore it as well. Suprisingly once on Glacia, Barfo's evil lair is pretty easy to find. His manservant, Hobart the Gnome, brings Pie-Rat before the wizard, and within moments the crystal is restored! Pie-Rat turns to thank Hobart, but Hobart suddenly turns into Vetvix!

Yes, Vetvix knew all along that Pie-Rat's quest would lead him here. And as she was once Barfo's student in the ways of evil magic, she knew she could get the old coot to go along with her plan. Barfo returns the crystal to Vetvix, restoring her powers. And so Pie-Rat, a recurring villain in three whole books, is unceremoniously done away with, as Vetvix teleports him inside an asteroid, trapping him in solid rock. Even if the asteroid were hollow or he displaced the interior when he teleported in, no doubt he'll suffocate within moments. That's pretty harsh.

With that over, we rejoin Pet Force as they approach Kennel. K-Niner's battle cruiser spots them incoming, and shoots the ship down, even in spite of Abnermal's forcefields. Pet Force bail out of the ship, and Abnermal uses his powers to make snow to cushion their fall. Upon landing, a contingent of mutant animals attack. The mooks aren't much, but K-Niner himself puts up an impressive fight. However, one of the mooks pulls a gun and points it at Compooky. This is why Compooky usually stays aboard the ship, but that wasn't an option. Rather than let their friend get hurt, Pet Force surrenders.

Pet Force is held prisoner separately from Compooky, with both the cell's technology making it freeze-proof and threats of "don't break out, or we'll shoot your compatriot". Their imprisonment is not long, though, as suddenly the power goes out. Pet Force takes advantage of the situation and make their escape, quickly running into Compooky. K-Niner didn't think the hyper-intelligent teddy bear needed a high security cell, and just locked him in the basement. It was easy for him to then break out and shut down the local power grid. This also has the side effect of turning off the control collars the humans were wearing. How convenient!

With control of the planet now tilted in their favour, Pet Force now has time to both fix their ship and reverse the polarity of the brain-boosting weapons, turning the dog population of Kennel back to their normal selves. Though the experience did change the pet owners of Kennel. Having experienced life in their pets' shoes (so to speak) for a bit, they've resolved to treat their canine companions a bit more equally. More being allowed on the furniture, less stupid tricks for treats. Still, Pet Force can't stay long, and they head off in pursuit of K-Niner's battle cruiser. This is why most superheroes don't have spaceships (Jedis don't count): if your enemy also has one, they can flee way more easily than on foot.

Not willing to let another place go to the dogs, as it were, Pet Force catches up with K-Niner. With his previous success, Vetvix has stepped up the timetable and sent him after Polyester right away. Emperor Jon is in danger! They enter the planet's atmosphere, and are attacked by fighter craft. They fend them off, but their weapons system is damaged in the fight, so they can't simply use the reverse brain-rays and solve it quickly. The team splits up instead: Garzooka and Abnermal will go after K-Niner, while the other three will find the planet's power source and knock out the collars, since that worked so well the last time.

The two heroes quickly make short work of K-Niner's guards, and then turn the battle to deal with the Dog of Doom himself. While the struggle goes on, the rest of Pet Force reach the planet's power grid. Using a clever tactic, Compooky overloads the power and causes and electrical storm that simultaneously undoes the brain-boosting effect and shorts out the enslavement collars. There's only a few pages left, after all, and we have to wrap this up. K-Niner is reverted back into an ordinary dog, and the emperor is reverted to an ordinary non-enslaved person. The day is saved!

And now once again, Pet Force prepares to return to their own universe. However... when the spell clears, the five heroes are still standing there. Something is blocking the passage between dimensions, and Pet Force is trapped. And while Pet Force's adventures have taken place between mere moments in their own universe, they have always returned quickly enough that Jon didn't notice a thing. But this time, as Jon retrieves the volleyball and turns around to his pets, he's surprised to find they've all vanished into thin air...

Book 4: Menace of the Mutanator

This one's very striking because of its more painted look compared to the heavy black outlines the rest of the covers have. Does this one count as having the whole team on the cover? Because, spoilers, that's what the Mutanator is: the rest of Pet Force mashed up into a villain. Again, though, that's definitely a striking image that'd draw in readers to a comic cover. In fact, while Garzooka may be over-used as a cover focus, several of these also show him imperiled in some way, and that's nice for character stuff. That helps balace it a bit~

I wanna say, before we start, that I'm impressed by the continuity for the series as a whole. They could've just written each story as a standalone, but for a series of 100-page children's novellas starring Garfield characters as superheroes, things happen in these books. Like, maybe not sweeping status quo changes, but events affect the plot of each next book down the line. And that's where we pick up! Right where the last book left off, with Pet Force now stuck in the alternate universe, unable to return home to Jon. But if they can't go home to Jon, well, maybe then events will conspire to bring Jon to them~

Yep, because Jon happens to wander into the room where they keep the copy of Pet Force #100 that acts as a portal to their universe, he gets transported into the Pet Force universe. And since Emperor Jon is still an extant entity, there's just two Jons now. Jon, of course, is a bit freaked out, and it takes several pages to explain the whole deal to him, and also have a showcase of all their powers to pad out the book some more. Eventually, they decide to call in Sorceror Binky to examine the problem. When he has a go of it, a sudden tornado emerges from the cauldron and whisks away Pet Force--save for Garzooka, whose prodigious strength keeps him anchored.

Garzooka heads out in the Lightspeed Lasagna to track Pet Force's signature, glad to get away from a double trouble Jon. And while he's searching, the scene cuts to Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear. Hey, one of her bases actually lasted more than one book! This is where Pet Force has been transported to, once more in a power-proof cell. Vetvix monologues to the heroes, as she is wont to do, explaining that she's the one who cast the spell to keep them from returning home. And further, she's brought them here to mutate them into her servants.

While Emperor Jon exposits about his backstory (turns out he is not of royal blood, and has about as much legitimate claim to the throne as you or I do), the search continues. Sorceror Binky detects Pet Force, giving them all a view of what happens next. The trapped members of Pet Force are literally broken apart and reassembled: Odious' body, Compooky's brain inserted into the chest, Abnermal's hands, and Starlena's head. She christens this beast "Mutanator", and it is soullessly obedient. I also wanna say, Mutanator's kind of a non-binary icon, aren't they? (The comic uses "it", but it was 1998 and alternative pronouns weren't really a thing yet.) Muscular, masculine body, but confident enough to still wear lipstick. It's a look, is all I'm saying~

Mutanator continues to possess the combined powers of Pet Force as well. Vetvix sends them to attack the planet Armory to gear up before attempting to conquer Polyester. And meanwhile, thanks to the convenience of being able to scan all of Compooky's memories now that his brain is part of Mutanator, Vetvix has the perfect trap to spring on Garzooka--or should she say Garfield. Yes, she really knows the whole origin for Pet Force now, and now she knows all Garfield's weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and probably blood type and other dating profile stats~

Thus, when Garzooka receives the coordinates from Emperor Jon and arrives at the Floating Fortress, he finds himself menaced by giant spiders. Vetvix couldn't think of a way to get Mondays to attack him, so the Giant Spider Invasion will do. Spiders are apparently very formiddable foes, Garzooka's personal fears aside. They can swat gamma hairballs out of the air, they can construct webs as quickly as certain Marvel heroes, and their hairy exoskeletons are resistant to both claw and strength. But despite his fear and Abnermal's running commentary, Garzooka manages to trounce the spiders with a carefully applied flame--taking Vetvix's blueprints with them.

Garzooka heads out once again to track down the Mutanator, leaving his less-than-all-together friends in the safety of their forcefield prison. While he's off, we return to the perspective of his target. Using their combined powers, the Mutanator swiftly conquers the planet Armory and sets their sights on Polyester next. It's not a bad plan, honestly. With the stockpile from Armory, not only will the Mutanator be more powerful, Polyester won't be able to use the planet for backup. Fortunately for the two Jons, though, Garzooka intercepts the Mutanator before they can leave Armory.

The fight's actually pretty good. Very back and forth. But even despite Garzooka's great strength, the Mutanator wins in the end. Thankfully, Vetvix puts her conquest of Polyester on hold to take the time to retrieve Garzooka and add his power to the Mutanator. This, of course will be her undoing--in a completely ridiculous way, of course. For back in the palace, our universe's Jon is watching Pet Force's struggles with the scrying cauldron. And he leans in a bit too close. Sowhile Vetvix is prepping the machine to divide Garzooka's body like she did the rest of Pet Force, Jon suddenly tumbles through the dimensional warp caused by the cauldron and lands on Vetvix, which causes her to put the machine in reverse. A real Jonnus ex cauldrona there, eh?

The Mutanator disappears, their existance as a unique being wiped out as their pieces return to their proper Pet Force owners. With Pet Force reassembled, Garzooka takes out Vetvix with one of his gamma-radiated hairballs while she's distracted by Jon. Pet Force decides that the vile veternarian should have a taste of her own medicine, and stick her in the body-splicing machine with some of her guards. This divides them all up and mixes them into bizarre combinations. It also has the side effect of disabling Vetvix's magic, so they can return to their own universe now.

The book wraps up here. Pet Force first returns to Armory to both return the stolen weapons and also make repairs on the buildings that were damaged in Garzooka's fight with the Mutanator. That's the sort of thing I'd like to see in more superhero stories in general. The two Jons part ways, with the Emperor believing the other Jon's heroism to have been deliberate. And thus are Garfield and friends returned home. And just like the end of their first adventure, where Garfield couldn't be sure if it really happened, so too is Jon's memory fading. Had he really witnessed all that? Only his pets know for sure--and in this universe, they can't talk~

Book 5: Attack of the Lethal Lizards

This one's another wrap-around, showing the rest of Pet Force engaging the remaining Lethal Lizards on the back cover. This is one advantage books have over comics: a front and back cover you can use for your story-telling. The Lizard designs are pretty good for a villain group too. Like Pet Force, they don't adhere to a particular theme, but they do look good individually. Garzooka roasting a hot dog on a stick might be a bit too comedic for a superhero story, though. It sets the tone wrong. How "lethal" can they possibly be if Garzooka is out here roasting hot dogs in the middle of battle?

So here we go, last book. After the usual recap, we open with Jon explaining to Garfield and friends his latest plans: they're going to WackyWorld, a theme park dedicated to Jon's favourite cartoon, The Wackies. Both Garfield and Nermal think the show is lame, and if those two agree on something, you know it must be so. In less lame universes, however, trouble is once more a-brewing. So it turns out Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear has been orbiting the swamp planet Reptilius this whole time. And her various experiments in the last two books have been radiating the planet in magical energy...

From that magical power, three reptiles find themselves uplifted in intelligence and granted fantastic powers. Please say hello to our three main villains for this book: Snake, an enormous snake (the only one without an anthro design) with stretching powers; Chameleon, who can shapeshift; and Dragon, a komodo dragon with fire breath and the bad attitude to match. While Snake and Chameleon figure out their powers, Dragon declares himself the leader as he's clearly the smartest, strongest, and most powerful. They name themselves the Lethal Lizards and start plotting how to rule the planet.

After that exciting intro, though, the book kind of slows down. First we get a whole chapter of Emperor Jon also deciding to go on vacation, to planet Funlandia. With Vetvix out of commission for a while, there's no better time. In short, he's out of the castle and Sorceror Binky is in charge. This is followed by a chapter of Jon and his pets at WackyWorld. It's certainly an accommodating amusement park to allow pets on its grounds. Garfield at least gets along with the food, but if you know anything about amusement park food prices, the amount Garfield eats will make your wallet weep. Jon takes his mind off it by dragging the pets along to a ride. Surely they have to be under the height restriction~

Fortunately, we get back to the actual stars of this book, and we see a bit more of their dynamic. Snake is the sort who sucks up to whoever's calling themselves "Boss" at the moment. Dragon is power-hungry, and it's clear he'll sell out his allies at the drop of a hat. Chameleon is Starscream. Anyway, they trek through the jungles of Reptilius until they find a downed spaceship. Reviewing the logs reveals it was a scout ship from Vetvix, and they also learn of Vetvix and her mission. However, they don't know where Emperor Jon lives, so they crowd into the the newly christened Rapacious Reptile and set course for the stars.

The first planet they come across is a world called Klod. Quickly the Lethal Lizards beat up the populace and find the local government. Chameleon shapeshifts into a dignitary, pretending to be an advance entourage for Emperor Jon, schmoozing with the governor until he learns both what Jon looks like and the name of his planet. With this information secure, Chameleon nips out suddenly, and the trio sets forth towards Polyester. Governer Klutz calls up the palace as soon as the reptiles depart, and reports the incident to Sorceror Binky.

Binky wastes no time, and he dials up Pet Force. Since all five are in one place, he's able to pull them through even without them being near the gateway through issue #100's cover. Convenient! Pet Force, however, does waste time, as a lengthy comedy scene eats up several pages before we just get on with it. Eventually, the situation is conveyed, and they figure it's safer to keep Emperor Jon on Funlandia for the time being. Compooky stays behind to help plan some strategies, while the rest of Pet Force boards the Lightspeed Lasagna to intercept the Lethal Lizards before they even arrive.

Pet Force spends the next few minutes both scanning for incoming ships and bickering with each other, so I'm very glad when the Rapacious Reptile appears on their detectors before too long. Dragon threatens the ship, telling them to move or he'll knock them aside. It's a spaceship, dude, you can move in three dimensions. The ships trade shots, and while Chameleon's piloting is actually pretty good due to his independently-rotating eyeballs, eventually both ships crash land on whatever planet is nearby.

Both ships crash right next to each other, which is improbable but less ridiculous than some of the contrivances in these books, so I'm okay with it. Now you'd think what with the enemies being reptiles and Abnermal having freezing powers that this battle would be over really easily, but no. In fact, Garzooka and Dragon are pretty evenly matched. Snake turns out to be immune to Starlena's siren song because snakes don't have external ears. See, now there's a contrivance I find a bit weird. Snake swallows Abnermal whole, and Chameleon and Odious get literally tongue-tied. The Lethal Lizards actually live up to their name pretty well.

As the fight continues, half of both sides are laid out when Compooky comes rushing up, saying he has an urgent message from the emperor. And that's when he sucker-punches the team. It was actually Chameleon in disguise, having gotten knocked away when he and Odious separated. So yeah, round one goes to the Lizards, and they make their escape first. Pet Force regroups, and they give chase. The Lizards have enough head start to really lay siege to Polyester before Pet Force arrives, though. They even get access to the palace using Chameleon's shapeshifting, leading to Sorceror Binky letting slip the real location of the emperor just as Pet Force arrives.

Another fight ensues--see, now it's really a superhero story--and the Lizards leave again 2 and 0. This time Snake uses his venomous fangs to attack Starlena. This leads to the weirdest contrivance yet. Maybe not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. They have only minutes to save Starlena. So how do they do it? Well, they notice that Odious drools quite a lot. It's very "fluid output". So they have Binky magically reverse Odious' drooling, so that he has "fluid input" on his tongue instead. It becomes a big suction sponge and sucks the poison out of Starlena. They then restore the drooling, and he just harmlessly drools out the poison. What.

With their teammate saved, Pet Force pursues the Lethal Lizards to Funlandia. They get there just in time to rescue Emperor Jon from their clutches, with Garzooka and Odious combining their strength to literally rip a kiddie ride out of the ground. Starlena corners Chameleon in a hall of mirrors, turning his own trick against him. Snake is undone by Odious' strength. And Garzooka fights Dragon to a standstill, finally trapping all three on a roller coaster still operating. When the ride comes to an end, Abnermal freezes them all until the authorities can retrieve them.

Naturally, Emperor Jon thinks it's all part of the show (because Jon is dimwitted in any universe). The Lizards are sent to a lizard-proof prison (seriously, it specifies this), and Pet Force returns to their own universe. As usual, Jon didn't notice his pets go missing during the dark amusement park ride. The book concludes on an ominous note, however, as the ship carrying the Lethal Lizards makes its jump to lightspeed just as it passes the Floating Fortress of Fear. The shockwave knocks over some debris that reactivates the combining machine, restoring Vetvix to her full evil might once more!

The end!

No, really. Those five books are all there was. I hear it may have continued into the comics, but I don’t know how accurate that is. I didn’t really look into it.

But boy, what a ride, huh? Let’s dissect the books one at a time, since it only seems fair to take them as individual stories.

The Outrageous Origin: It’s a fairly basic origin story, I’d say. It kind of has to be. I guess my main gripe is that, like Rita Repulsa’s entire run on Power Rangers, the heroes never fight the main villain directly. In fact, there’s barely even an evil plot in this one. You have henchmen and some traps, and that’s about it for the menace.

Pie-Rat’s Revenge: A cautionary tale about why you treat your minions with respect. This one’s pretty good, but the events depicted on the cover make up such a small part of the book. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if Garzooka was turned at the beginning of the story? Book 4 would at least do the reverse of that, so it’s not a major complaint~

K-Niner, Dog of Doom: I think this one’s about as middle of the road as you can get. What a coincidence that it’s also the middle of the series! Like I said in the recap portion, it’s a shame that Pie-Rat’s story ended here. This one definitely feels more “villain of the week” than most.

Menace of the Mutanator: This one might be the best book in the series. Garzooka, alone, battling against the best parts of his team? That’s gripping stuff. I guess the main problem is that the Mutanator isn’t really a character in and of themselves. Like, K-Niner, he may have been a generic rent-a-villain type, but he had a personality. Mutanator is little more than an extention of Vetvix’s will.

Attack of the Lethal Lizards: I’m a bit split on this one. The bits with the titular Lizards are great. They steal the show! But the parts where it focuses on either Jon kind of drag, and Pet Force is a bit too jokey here. Like, I get the point is that they’ve relaxed into their roles now, and there’s not much point of doing it as a Garfield story if they don’t actually use the character personalities, but... I dunno. It’s good, but it could have been better~

And that’s it! Like, I dunno how to wrap this up. Pet Force was neither my first exposure to superheroes nor my first introduction to the Garfield brand (you can thank Saturday morning cartoons for both of those). But for some reason, maybe just the absurdly goofy premise, it always kinda stuck with me. And I think that’s a good enough reason to make it my 10th anniversary review, don’t you~?

#books #reviews #Garfield #Pet Force #Garfield's Pet Force #Taiblog

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garfieldandmeblog · 3 years ago

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Garfield: The Movie

AM: There’s an interesting writing choice in Garfield: The Movie regarding the setting. It begins in a cul-de-sac, just a few miles from a large city. For Garfield, the cul de sac is safe; he knows the ins and outs, all of the neighboring cats and dogs, and it’s where he always gets his way. Anything beyond the cul de sac, however, is dangerous, unknown, even hostile, and that’s not even mentioning the city. With all of this emphasis placed on place, one begins to wonder where exactly the film takes place. One would assume that it takes place in Garfield creator Jim Davis’ home state of Indiana. Wikipedia, however, claims that it takes place in Los Angeles of all places. What’s interesting, though, is that the movie does everything its power to obscure the actual setting from the viewer. There are no signs anywhere in this film that say “Los Angeles,” no one mentions living in L.A., and there’s just no defining characteristics. It’s not even a matter of the camera crew just choosing not to shoot things that screamed L.A.; things are deliberately edited to obscure that fact. There’s a scene towards the end of Act 2 where Garfield has to go to the city to rescue Odie from the clutches of an evil infomercial personailty. On the freeway, we get a shot of the city skyline and a freeway exit sign—which reads, not Los Angeles, but “The City.” A bus’s destination sign reads “City Center.” The so-called “Los Angeles” looks more like a movie set for a film taking place in New York. You would think that, taking place in L.A., the movie would have taken the golden opportunity to take Garfield to L.A.’s iconic locales. Garfield in front of the Grauman Theatre. Garfield at the Hollywood sign. Garfield at Dodger’s Stadium. But no, none of that.

Garfield: The Movie’s setting is strange because they don’t utilize it for what you might expect. The effort the filmmakers went through to hide the truth about the setting is rather impressive, I’ll say that. It doesn’t seem like it ultimately accomplished anything though. And so, ultimately, the choices made regarding the setting resulted in an affect that is neither good, nor bad, just… there. Much like the film itself.

I give this movie 5 out of 10 lasagnas.

JK: For my final official critique here at Garfieldandme.com LLC, I will be reviewing Garfield the Movie. How did it make me feel? How does Garfield make me feel at this point? I thought I knew, but as of right now… It’s mixed.

I thought I didn’t like Garfield. I thought it would be funny to employ irony against the fat cat. When I began writing about Garfield, the original mission was to find a way in, primarily through cruel joking and punching down, every week and that was it; that was going to be the focus of this project.

But finding a way through… It requires energy. It requires an actual interest in whatever you’re writing about, whatever you’re exploring. And as the project went on and on, my interest and energy waned. It became increasingly difficult to talk Garf. The ratio of good ideas/fun writing sessions to phoning it in grew smaller and smaller. Part of the fun, at first, was acknowledging the pure magnitude of syndication Garfield has amassed. But, diving into it, getting deep, it’s hard to keep a smiling face when the material brings so little to you. Life is short, and Garf is long.

There are hidden gems in the bog of never-ending Mondays. There are glimpses of Jim Davis giving a shit. And those moments, when they come up, are worth cherishing. It compelled me to write knowing the cat was acting in an interesting way. It gave me material to work with. It gave me hope.

And then, we’d get another week of duds. Then, another. It’d go on, and I’d feel frustration, apathy, devastation, etc. over and over again. It became routine.

So, Garfield the Movie. What makes Garfield the Movie interesting? It’s Garfield’s first live-action adaptation. It stars… movie stars. Garfield is CGI. These elements are all fine. The whole movie is just fine. And that complete milquetoast quality makes the film, ironically, a great Garfield adaptation. There were times I was watching the screen and I hoped the movie would be worse, more blatantly disgusting or bold. Maybe then I could write about it. But no, from start time to end, this movie is okay.

Bill Murray sounds like the voice Davis and Co. settled on when they brought Garf to the home television. Jon is whatever. You can have a discarded Chik Fil A wrapper replace Jon in this movie and nothing would change. Odie is lovable and fun (maybe the highlight). Jennifer Love Hewitt.. I mean, c’mon. Liz was hot already, but…

…

There’s nothing really deep here.

The only redeeming portion of the whole film is the credits. I’m serious. There, it tells another story. Comics and largely comic strips are a medium of sole ownership. Charles Schultz storyboards, Schultz draws, he signs his name in the bottom left corner. And that’s it. Film, in this critic’s opinion, is one of the most collaborative mediums of expression out there. On even the worst films (and I’m not saying Garfield runs in this camp), there are probably five or more people who gave up hours of their lives in an attempt to make you smile, to entertain you for a little bit. It’s interesting to see this many people interpreting Davis’s cat. This bird’s eye view perspective, however, does not negate how bored I felt during the film. And my opinion doesn’t really matter. The best of them, working on this project, hopefully made this to make a child (or the rare Garf fan) happy. Or they were miserable. Regardless, they all made the film. I spent an hour of my life watching. We are in this together.

We reflect whatever we spend time with. If you spend hours with the cat, you become the cat. You spend time working overtime at a job you hate, and suddenly you hate yourself. You spend the night out, maybe drinking wine with friends on a weekend, at a little bar on the outside of town. It’s August. The night is air is warm, and it looks like no one is on Wilshire tonight. Except you and people you love. You laugh and really feel it in your chest, in your stomach. You look at everyone and, maybe it’s the light, maybe it’s the Merlot, but they emanate a soft golden glow covering their forearms to their rears to their legs to their feet. You look down at yourself, and you’re glowing too.

Was it Anne Dillard who wrote “How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives”? Am I remembering that correctly? What year is it? What was I doing about this? How does Garfield make me feel? How am I feeling right now? Stepping away from the cat is not easy, and in a sense, this gesture feels like stepping away from this past year in its good and nasty. I want to change my life, and so I’ll change my relationship with him. It’s small, but why not. Life is short, and Garf is long. Thanks for spending this time with me, I’ll never forget it.

Two lasagnas out of five.

#garfield #lasagna cat #film #film critique #comics #criticism #analysis #movie review #funny #haha #garfieldandme

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chappedandfadedvds · 4 years ago

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Nov 19th, Thursday 17:13

„Lucas is here!!“

„Alright sweety, I think everyone on the street has heard that now.“ His mother assured her loudly as she herself got up to follow her daughter to the door. Jens was only half listening, he was thinking. About Tuesday. About yesterday. About every day to come.

„It’s good to see you again, Lucas. How are you?“

„Really great actually, thank you, hope you too?“ There was some rustling of clothes and shuffling of feet coming from the entrance, Jens couldn’t see from where he sat in the corner or the living room.

„Bit suffering under the weather, but that’s alright.“ His mother replied, the front door fell shut.

„Understandable.“ The three, his mother, Lotte and his boyfriend, almost had made it back into the livingroom. „Oh, I actually bought cake on my way over. We can have it for dessert. Or before for tea.“

„That’s so kind. But I already like you, no need for bribes.“ His mother joked, chuckling even as she took something from Lucas that sounded like paper? Plastic? Jens didn’t look up yet, he was busy staring down on the keys and his hands.

„Well, I’ll probably do something stupid at one point, better keep stacking up some plus points.“ Both of them sounded pleased. And Lotte said something, he didn’t catch, before the chairs scratched over the floor.

„Wow, I didn’t know you played. I thought this was a recording.“

He stopped, his fingers lingering on top of the keys of the old wooden upright piano. Lucas squeezing himself next to Jens on the little black bench shouldn’t have startled him as much. He obviously had heard him come over. He still needed a second to catch up. So he pulled his hands away, to let them sink into his lap, turning his head towards Lucas.

How long hadn’t they seen each other? Merely a couple of days.

He had missed this pretty face. The world appeared a bit brighter now.

„I’m not nearly good enough, as I super rarely play, but thanks, I guess.“ Jens told him, smiling lightly at the boy, who went to rest his hand on Jens’s tigh. Close enough that their fingers touched.

„Lucas, first of all he is lying, he is really good. He is just a dumb teenage boy who thought one day that piano lessons are for loosers. And second of all, if you want to keep collecting brownie points, get him to do anything but play Schubert again. He has been playing the same piece for two hours. It has to stop.“

„Yes, Lucas, please!“

Lotte strong heartedly supported their mother’s complaints, as they both turned their heads to plead with Lucas, who was very much amused in return. Nodding strongly.

„I was playing more than one piece, and you two know it.“ Jens was lying, he had played a couple of pieces first, until Minuet in A Major let him think clearly and then he basically had looped it until now. Problem was, the piece was only three minutes long, so he could see their point.

„Then play something else for me.“ Lucas suggested so cheery that Jens obviously couldn’t refuse.

„Okay. What do you want?“

„Mhm, what can you play? Anything comes to mind, looking at my beautiful face.“

Jens’s eyes darted over to his mother and his sister sitting at the dining table, englufed in Lotte’s homework. If they had heard Lucas, they didn’t commented about it.

„Schumann?“ He said, letting his gaze fall back to Lucas’s eyes not having lost an ounce of his excitment.

„I have zero clues about classical music, dude, so play away.“

That’s what he did, raising his hands again to fall into place. Muscle memory so much stronger then he would like to admit. He didn’t had to think long about the right notes and rythym. He wasn’t sure why it had come to mind, but he hoped the boy would enjoy it enough to sit through the next couple of minutes.

Jens really hadn’t need to worry about that, as when he finished and turned his head, he found his boyfriend watching him mesmerised. He could have probably fucked the whole piece up and still managed to make Lucas happy. Jens would be lying if he wouldn’t acknowledge that he was blushing faintly.

„What is it called?“ Lucas whispered. Why he did, Jens couldn’t figure out.

„Eh, Widmung, opus 25, number 1.“ Thank god, as he was glad to have remembered it correctly. His mother or Lotte would definitely have corrected him there. And wouldn’t that have been awkward?

„Yea this doesn’t help at all, but I liked it a lot.“ Lucas grinned, now speaking louder again, never taking his eyes off Jens, as he went on. „Perhaps I’m a bit biased though. Still thank you.“

„Anytime.“ Jens smirked, feeling a little proud to have been able to impress his boyfriend.

„So what kind of music do you actually listen too, I doubt it’s just classical music all day.”

„How do you know I don’t?“ Jens replied feighing shock at Lucas’s absolute correct assumption.

„Oh, I don’t know, you just don’t look like a posh piano lover to me.“ His boyfriend’s expression was way to comfortable in his teasing.

„Aha.“ Jens felt already better, now that he was back into familiar banter with Lucas, after long days of dull sadness drowning him.

„Mhm.“ Lucas doubled down, without much words, but it made Jens to actually answer him.

„Well, I listen to a lot of r&b, you know, hiphop, rab kinda genres. Kendrik Lamar, Childish Gambino, Logic. To list some better known artists.”

„Of course you do, my youtuber skater boy.“

„Stop.“ Jens laughed as he watched the grin widen on Lucas’s face. „If I’m such a cliche, what are you listening to then, huh?“

„Ehm, a lot of indie music, acoustic versions, I’d say. I don’t think you would know them.“

„Much pretentious, aren’t we.“ Jens replied, getting nudged by Lucas, causing him almost to fall off the bench, that still was barely large enough to fit them both.

„What? Not at all.“ Lucas defended himself using the second of Jens readjusting himself on the bench, to link his arm lightly with Jens’s.

Apparently Lucas didn’t mind being seen and obviously it was just his mother and his sister, so why was Jens not more casual about it? He really should stop worrying about it.

„You tell yourself that.“ He smirked instead, yanking Lucas lightly were they were now linked by the elbow.

„And what else? Like what is something that comforts you, or is it really just r&b all day, every day?“ Lucas’s questions just kept coming.

„No, I enjoy classical music, immensly. Going to concerts and such. But something else would be nordic folk. Folk in general.“

„And you call me pretentious?” Lucas asked accusatory, leaning back from Jens in wonder, as the slight smile didn’t leave his lips, his mouth open. „The audacity.“

„Guilty. What about you then?“

„Ah lot’s of disco and funk. Some pop. 70s, 80s, you know. The good stuff.“

„Jesus.“

This was taking turns Jens hadn’t expected. Not that he would mind listening to whatever Lucas would put on. He’d probably be able to enjoy it nonetheless. But they barely had anything in common, other than maybe folk and indie, did they? This surely would be fun to figure out on long car rides.

„It’s great music. Sander and me are very much on the same page there, give or take some artists, we can’t agree on. Robbe was so close to throw us out that saturday I stayed over.“

„I can imagine.“ Jens completely was with his best friend there. Lucas and Sander passionately arguing over 70s music. No thank you. „I have to ask, how old are you, again?“

„Shut up. Third question.“ Lucas replied, shaking his head.

„More?“ Jens was pretty sure they had covered everything. He was wrong though.

„Third question. What is something you listen to, when you are one hundred percent sure, no one you know is around to see you vibing to it.“

Jens laughed. Loud and absolutely done with his boyfriend and his little interview.

„Tell me.“ Lucas pleaded, pursing his lips, as he leaned in closer. Fuck.

„I love Doja Cat. And Ashnikko“ Jens tried so hard to stay confident in his answer, because not even Robbe had seen Jens put it on. He only ever safely lipsynched parts of her songs at parties, where alcohol was involved. Or all in its entirety alone in his room.

„I have no clue who that is.“ Lucas said, clearly a bit more somber now that he couldn’t make fun of Jens, as he didn’t know the artist that well. Thank god.

„I’m sure you have heard some songs of them. But yea they are some powerful woman. I know practically every word to their songs, and if you tell anyone else I’ll kill you.“

„Well, now I need to see you sing them.“ Lucas was back in his element of making Jens’s live harder, as the smirk returned on his lips.

„Nope.“ Jens cut off any further demands, before it was too late. „Who do you secretly listen to?“

„This is embarrasing but I was and still am a One Direction fan.“ Oh yes, this was good. Jens would never let Lucas forget that he had told him this. „I also may or may not have had, and still have, a crush on Harry Styles. So sorry, but you are out, the second I get a chance.“

„Wow, thank you.“ Jens laughed, pecking a kiss on the pouting lips of Lucas. Who tried his hardest to keep himself from falling into giggling with Jens.

He had actually forgotten that the weren’t alone when his mother’s voice came from the other side of the big space inside his house. Loud enough to stare at Lucas in shock.

The boy next to him just shrugged his shoulders amused.

„How about you put some of these songs on, that you so dearly love apperently. And Lotte and me can find out who actually has some taste in music.“

__ __ __

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

I thought long about the type of music they would listen too. We obviously hadn’t had a season to find out, other than the song Lucas and Kes danced to in S1. I hope that you wouldn’t be too bothered by my choices here. I just always need songs to get into my character’s heads and these are the directions it went in. thank you for continuing to read my story! i love all of you!

#week 4 #wtfock #skam #vds #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #chapped and faded #I am dying to Lucas and Sander loosing their minds over 70s music

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springday-aus · 5 years ago

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Disney Prince!AU with Bambam

★ Bambam as Disney’s Prince Naveen ★

moodboard link

Group: GOT7

Member: Bambam / Kunpimook Bhuwakul

Other Characters: rich girl!Lisa (Blackpink)

Genre: romance

part of the Disney Prince series

Type: Bulletpoint AU

Word Count: 2.8k

I don’t wanna say Bambam in the prince of Thailand in this au

but also hmm

anyways Bambam is a prince

of whatever country you believe him to be

so he kind of has a bad rep…….

like yeah, he’s handsome

(practically the one of the most handsome in the country bc have you SEEN him??)

but there are three main reasons why he’s got a bad rep around the country

the first one being that he has a really bad spending habit

just take a look at his wardrobe

he spends so much money on his appearances that his closest is the largest in the mansion

(the maids say it could be his second bedroom bc there’s a literal couch in it)

remember how London Tipton had that “wear a day, throw it away” phrase?

yeah

that’s basically Bambam, only he just…….hoards it in his closet

Bambam: “just in case I need that outfit another day, some day”

cue assistant!Jinyoung rolling his eyes behind Bambam

Jinyoung: this dumbass

Jinyoung: “yes sir, we will save it for another day” :)

the second reason being that he’s also known to throw lots of wild parties

so he spends a lot of money on catering, entertainment, clean-up and such

ironically enough, it’s not one of those like “royalty only” parties

bc that’s boring

so literally anyone and everyone is invited

and that means anything and everything can happen in the mansion

ofc he’s aware of robbers and stuff so there are guards at every door

this leads the last and final reason of his bad rep: how much of a flirt of he is

while there are guards at every door, basically anyone attractive is allowed in

like omg his boy literally can not be tied down

or as he would say

Bambam: “there are plenty of fireflies in the swamp”

Yugyeom: “isn’t it ‘there’s plenty of fish in the sea’?”

Jinyoung: “ignore him, let the stupidity rampage”

Yugyeom: “you are evil oh my god”

anyways, despite all of this

he really is a good guy

and even the mansion servants are aware of this

it’s just that…. he’s not the first in line for the throne

he’s got two older brothers and they’re fighting enough for the throne and getting involved with the mix is just………… a lot

so he doesn’t really have the whole responsibility of a royal

but he’s got a lot of press on his back and that’s kind of where the bad rep comes in view of the public

while he does have that image, there is another side of him others know

he’s very compassionate, so he donates a lot to charities

especially for children who are interested in the arts

because he’s got a huge passion for the arts himself

honestly music is kind of one of the only things he really loves in life

but he doesn’t really have enough motivation for it bc of the whole royal thing

so he keeps it as a hobby

anyways, this is the most important bc this combination of music and flirtation is what leads to his doom

for two reasons: his parents cut him off and this is what leads the witch doctor to seek revenge

so after all this ridiculous spending on his clothes and parties and all his flirtations, but no commitment

his parents couldn’t take it any further and decided to cut him off to make him less dependent and learn the value of money

just because he lost the money aspect to him didn’t mean he lost his charm

so the flirtations were kicked up a notch

well not really

he was playing the ukulele on the street and caught the attention of many ladies

bc it’s the handsome prince playing in public duh

one of those ladies being the partner of a very powerful witch doctor

……… well, former partner…….

bc said partner left him after talking to Bambam…………

so what does the witch doctor do?

he does what he does best and sets out for revenge

he lures Bambam in, telling him his fortune and all that good stuff

Bambam is allured

but next thing he knows, there’s smoke and he’s surrounded by spirits

and everything has been enlarged

so where do you come in?

when Bambam had his parent’s’ money, there was one mall he loved to visit the most

that mall is so boujee that it’s the size of an airport

he didn’t even buy from some places, others gave them as gifts bc it would be advertised or something

(the whole press thing on him bc he’s not a “perfect” royal is seen as an advantage for these businesses)

anyways, you work as a server in a couple of the restaurants that’s in the mall

one for the days and one for the nights

so you work part time in a cafe for the mornings and mid afternoons

and a bar for the evenings

so you practically live in the mall

and that means seeing Bambam often

each time he comes and goes, there’s a wave of people who chase after him and you can’t do anything more than roll your eyes at him

while you haven’t met him in person, you’ve figured out what type of person he is

just another guy who thinks he can buy his way into anything

he’s clearly never worked a day in his life and he’ll never know the meaning behind hard work

you? you’ve been working since you were 15 to save enough money to open up your own bakery

tonight, you were at a childhood friend’s palace

that’s right, a palace—Lisa threw a party and asked for you to cater it, especially since there was a very special someone coming (a possible suitor)

(and she paid you too so)

you were in her room, as she was putting on her third outfit of the night and touching up her makeup

she suggested you dress up too, so you were left alone in her room and while she danced on the ballroom floor

you were upstairs, gazing up at the stars

remembering your childhood memories with Lisa

Lisa: “if you make a wish on the evening star, it’s sure to come true”

feeling rather nostalgic, you do it—with no actual hope anything’s going to happen

You: “I cannot believe I’m going this”

you close your eyes and wish and pray and hope that you are able to achieve your dreams

but when you open them……………

there’s a frog

You: “very. funny.”

you turn to the little frog on the rail, tilting your head

You: “I reckon you want a kiss?”

Bambam: “kissing would be nice”

**chaos ensues**

let’s just say, you’re glad Lisa has a maid—but you also feel sorry for the person who has to clean the mess you made

Bambam, on the other hand, is running for his life

and managed to avoid the following: rolled up magazines, verryyyy thick books, a straightening iron, a curling iron, and some thigh high boots of Lisa’s that you grabbed from the corner

Bambam: “you have a really strong arm—aaAAH sTOP IT”

You: “STAY BACK”

there’s a couple of minutes at a standstill, where Bambam remains on the vanity and you were trying to understand what was happening

You: “okay, okay, I’m fine, everything is fine and this is not happening”

Bambam: “oh this is happening”

You: “SHUT IT”

and this led to another process and it wasn’t until five minutes later and an airbag for you to acknowledge the frog in the room

You: “who and what are you?”

Bambam: “I am Prince Bambam”

You: “I don’t believe it”

Bambam: “how can I prove it?”

You: “okay, okay—let’s just say for hypothetical reasons, you ARE Bambam”

You: “why are you a frog and why are you here of all places?”

Bambam: “I may or may not have gotten involved with a witch doctor….”

You: “you mean to tell me you got into this mess bc you were messing with the shadow man???”

Bambam: “he was very charismatic”

You: “this is what I get for wishing on stars; the only way you can get something is through hard work”

Bambam: “why would you want to work harder? that’s just more—ANYWAYS, I’m getting off track”

Bambam: “I need your help”

You: “why should I help you?”

Bambam: “I’ll be your genie in a bottle—do you have any wishes?”

You: this fool just quoted Christina Aguilera

and that’s when you remember: your restaurant

you just said that you should work hard for it

and you’re almost there

you really can just turn this all down and let him suffer

but you look into his eyes and……… this poor guy is just suffering and deep down, you would feel really bad about turning away from him

so…. that’s when you agree to help him

You: “I think I know someone who might be able to help”

you call up a favor from a friend, who has a cousin, and that cousin knows a classmate who is interested in voodoo

turns out the only other witch doctor lives in the woods somewhere

“her name is Mama Odi”

you get some directions, but there’s also a hint of uncertainty from your source

You: “you’re telling me, I’m gambling my way through the woods”

Bambam: “it’ll be like an adventure—it’ll be fun”

You: “oh my god”

so you two venture together for a weekend? trip

he’s like a little pet

along the way, you both talk

and like really talk about things

one night, the stars were out and he was talking about his old life

You: “do you miss the money?”

Bambam: “of course I miss the money, but the money…. kept me company”

You: “you think you can just buy people to like you?”

Bambam: “when you’re royalty…….. everyone wants something from you”

Bambam: “isn’t that why you’re helping me”

You: “truth? half”

Bambam: “then what’s the other half?”

You: “empathy—while I don’t like you, I’m not evil”

You: “I don’t have ill wishes on anyone”

Bambam: “so, what is your wish?”

You: “my wish, my hope, my dreams is to own my own bakery or cafe—it was a wish of my grandma’s but…”

Bambam: “but what?”

You: “she died before she could make it happen and with my parents, I can’t burden them with my own dreams—they support me and encourage me, but they can’t help me”

Bambam: “that’s better than what I was raised with—I depended too much on mine”

Bambam: “there are servants to do everything for you: drive you, wash you, brush your teeth—while I admit it’s a charmed life…….. when they cut me off… I realized that I don’t know how to do anything”

You: “everyone has their own time to find strengths and maybe you just need more time to find yours”

the rest of the journey is kind of like this and you kind of just forget you got a lil frog prince on your shoulder

eventually, you get to the center of the large ass forest and there’s an old treehouse but it’s also completely huge

and there’s some old lady on the side and you and Bambam are like what the fuck

she takes you in and gives you some tea and gumbo from a tub that you are unsure whether you should trust or not

and then Bambam just bursts

Bambam: “hey, this is great and all, but I’M A FROG”

Mama Odi: “you need to dig a little deeper and you’ll find everything you need”

Bambam: “what we want and what we need are the same thing, no?”

Mama Odi: “the same thin—no!”

You: “so, what do we do?”

Mama Odi: “technically in the olden times, you would need a princess, but times have changed”

You: “what does that mean for the present?”

Mama Odi: “a kiss would have been fine”

You: “what?”

Mama Odi: “a kiss breaks the spell”

she kind of just let y’all go after that

so you two were on your way back and trying to figure out what should happen then

and you just kind of talk

Bambam: “if you’d just kissed me that night we met….”

You: oh my god

You: “I would really to like to help you but I… do NOT kiss frogs”

Bambam: “but, on the balcony, you asked me”

You: “I didn’t expect you to answer”

Bambam: “(Y/N), please”

Bambam: “it’s me—you’re my only hope”

You: “..... just one kiss”

Bambam: “unless you beg for more”

You: “don’t make me regret this before I even do anything”

Bambam: “sorry, sorry”

and so you do what you thought you would never do

and kiss a frog

he transforms back and you head your way back together…… as humans

the trip back was nearly the same as the trip there, but……. something’s different

(other than the fact that you kissed him)

you can see the emotions on his face, read how he’s feeling

you def caught feelings, but……. how does the living casanova feel about you?

Bambam hasn’t felt this vulnerable with anyone before

he feels…. different

but like a good different

the thing is, you don’t know this—so when you get back to the city, you expected to part in different ways…………

he asks his parents for a favor, begs them to help you out

and they’re shocked, at the least to how he’s acting

so they make a deal………

they’ll pay you for your troubles and he has to get a job

so he gets the money to you and you get your dream

for a bit, it feels right but………. something’s missing

and then you realize what it is

just when you’re about to move on from the whole endeavor, he gets a job…………….

at YOUR new bakery

the press got a whole field day when they saw him working there

so hey free publicity

so the friendship continued, with the both of you taking your breaks together and such

it’s cute

Jinyoung is just confused about the whole thing that it’s kind of just hilarious

Jinyoung: “what happened to you that weekend?”

Bambam: “you don’t need to know”

Jinyoung: “yes, I do—it’s my business”

fun fact: you get along with Jinyoung really well bc you have a realistic sense of things and your patience is amazing

(considering that you work with Bambam)

so what changes between y’all?

on day, you were on your lunch and you were both enjoying a meal together in one of the back rooms

and you ask the question you didn’t dare to ask before

You: “why are you working? I thought you were going to try to do music”

Bambam: “you’ve inspired me…. I want to help you with your dream”

You: “you don’t have to”

Bambam: “yes, I do”

Bambam: “I have to do something to impress you”

You: “why would you need to impress me?”

Bambam: “because you’re amazing and I really like you”

You: “what”

and thus begins a beautiful relationship

omg, I need to say this—his contact in your phone is My Frog Prince

no one else except you and Bambam understand it

(also Yugyeom bc he’s Bambam’s best friend, but you don’t have to know that)

moving on

you two complement each other—making one another better than you were before

Bambam learned what hard work actually does and its impact, along with the importance of chasing your passion

with your encouragements and support, he was able to pursue music

there’s also love

each time he looks at you, he wants to be a better man for you

for your future together

you’ve learned to relax every once in a while—you haven’t really been able to do anything else when you started working and studying

you were able to learn a lot about yourself with your days off

another thing was self-love

Bambam made you realize how important confidence is

and the more time you spent together, the more time you were able to realize how that lack of confidence impacted you

you both are amazing in your own ways and you have each other to help realize that

anyways

Bambam is a very touchy lover and does not care who is watching

even if it’s in front of his parents

(you had to stop him from kissing you like twenty times)

Bambam: “one kiss isn’t enough!!!!”

You: “stOPPP”

**also you: not stopping him

anyways, you actually got to meet his parents

when you did meet them, they were immediately in love with you and the changes they were able to see with Bambam

he stopped getting so much attention from the press

gained more sense of responsibility

and he was able to be more independent, learn things on his own and do things on his own

honestly, you didn’t see much of a difference in him

to you, he’s the same flirty guy you’d met on Lisa’s balcony—he’s just more thoughtful with his actions………… most of the time

Bambam: “you know, (Y/N), we’re going to be here for a while, so we might as well get…… comfortable”

You: “keep your slimy self away from me”

Bambam: “you love my slimy self”

You: “ugh, don’t remind me”

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that-shamrock-vibe · 5 years ago

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Disney+ What To Watch: My Top 10 Favourite Modern-Day Disney Classics

#2. The Princess and the Frog

With the Post-Renaissance era having mixed results from audiences, Disney decided to go back to its beloved an fruitful Disney Princess formula with the last 2D animated studio to date from the House of Mouse.

This not only reminded fans what they loved about Disney when it was on the top of its game, but also began what is now known as the Disney Revival era seeing a resurgence in Disney classics and it all began with the Disnefied spin on yet another classic fairy tale.

The Princess and the Frog does not get enough credit, period. Not only could this movie be mistaken for part of the 90s Renaissance, but the characters are fantastic, the comedy is on point, the music is original and fitting for the setting and...it may just be because there was a 71⁄2 year lull of sub-par movies from the mainstream Mouse House between Lilo & Stitch and this...but there is just this feeling of coming home or seeing an old friend again that I always get whenever I see this movie.

Now a lot of people who criticise this movie say that the main problem is the fact the plot seems very crowded, but really it is straight forward to follow and. if you treat it like a chessboard, the game is set up in the opening scene and song.

So basically you have, arguably, the best female Disney character in animation who has been brought up on strong moral values, she also has a life-long dream from a young age of becoming a well-known chef and owning her own restaurant to honour her father.

Simultaneously, you have a foreign spoiled prince who has been made broke by his parents who comes into the company of the movie’s villain who allows him to escape his troubles but by doing so curses him as a frog and employs his butler to take on the appearance of the prince, trick the local sugar baron’’s into marrying him and thereby takeover New Orleans and harvest its citizens for their souls to appease his friends on the other side.

Plots collide when our heroine meets the frog prince and is tricked into kissing him because he believes she is a princess and so promises to grant her the money for her restaurant if she frees him from his froggy prison, but instead she is turned into a frog and they must find a way to reverse the curse and thwart the evil villain.

I have genuinely just given a general synopsis of the movie in three very short paragraphs so if anyone still thinks this movie is confusing then either I’m missing something or you’re overthinking.

The lessons in this movie are so well learned and played out, the relationships are genuinely built up so that when our main protagonists do eventually fall in love it feels earned rather than just a business arrangement as it was originally going to be.

The choice to make this a 1912 Louisiana set movie, complete with a strong African-American protagonist and an equally strong ethnic Eurasian deuteragonist, as well as a Haitian villain, is genuinely revolutionary for not just Disney but family entertainment.

It doesn’t really shy away from prejudice, albeit while it is not a main focus of the movie, Tiana is put down numerous times not just for being a woman trying to succeed in life but also referred to as a woman with “her background” which means he skin colour, or her upbringing in a poor neighbourhood.

Tiana is the every girl for me, not only has she worked for everything that she has earned, even throughout the movie, but she has a smart head on her shoulders. She knows how to whip Naveen and her friends into shape, but also she is not afraid to stand up to the Shadow Man or any of her oppressors.

She also doesn’t believe herself a princess, she is not the type of doe-eyed dreamer that would usually fill the princess role. She has a drive, she’s determined, and it’s all real-world issues. Her motivations aren’t because of a man but providing for her future and maybe supporting her mother.

Even when cursed as a frog, she is still determined to achieve her goal, she just needs to be able to turn back into a human first which is where she learns life isn’t all about the endgame. That’s when she allows herself to open up to seeing the good in Naveen and allows herself to fall for him but in a natural organic way.

Anika Noni Rose does an absolutely amazing job as Tiana, she was born to be this character, I can genuinely see her as the live-action version of the character. Anyone saying Tiana was originally supposed to be Caucasian really needs a reality check, look at her design.

It also doesn’t hurt that Tiana’s main princess dress is green which happens to be my favourite colour.

Naveen is a lot like Flynn Ryder in terms of being that loveable rogue type of character but what elevates Naveen is he does at least learn and show personal growth throughout the movie, first with actually doing some hard work and cooking and then with developing actual emotions for Tiana and being conflicted into whether or not the most important thing is regaining his humanity and money or being with Tiana.

Dr. Facilier is one of the great Disney Villains, I may not be Haitian but I actually dressed as him for Halloween last year complete with UV skull face paint, now yes I’m practically a milk bottle and so a white skull face on me does not exactly show properly but I still felt very good about myself.

I loved the addition of voodoo to a family friendly atmosphere, it didn’t need to go into the blood rituals as heavily as say American Horror Story: Coven did but it still showed that a large part of voodoo is blood rituals with requiring Naveen’s blood in order to maintain the illusion of Lawrence being Naveen.

The personality they gave Facilier as well wasn’t exactly as sinister as Maleficent but instead more like Jafar or Scar, he allows himself to have his own brand of humour such as when he’s giving his tarot readings but also his sinister side manifests in how he utilises his magic and his friends on the other side and particularly his shadow.

Charlotte Le Bouff is probably the funniest supporting character I’ve seen since Mole from Atlantis or even the Genie in Aladdin. I absolutely love seeing this girl every time she is on screen, she steals the show in every scene she’s in. But also, you do feel for her. She wants that dream fairy tale life and you want her to get it because she is just that loveable.

If I had to say who I liked the least it would probably be Louis and Ray, nothing personally against them they are both decent comedic side characters, but they just seemed to be tagalongs and didn’t really contribute a purpose. Louis is an alligator who dreams of being a jazz musician which comes true when Tiana opens her restaurant and he is part of the house band, Ray is a Cajun firefly who is in love with a star and he gets to join her by becoming a star when he is, rather brutally, murdered by Facilier after a rather emotionally manipulating funeral scene.

Mama Odie and Eudora (Tiana’s mum) are great examples of Disney utilising named talent for minor roles, as both Jenifer Lewis and Oprah Winfrey respectfully do very reasonable jobs with what they’re given. I mean it’s Jenifer Lewis as a Voodoo Queen it’s just magic.

Just like Naveen, I was so happy with the infusion of Jazz music in this movie. I want to go New Orleans so badly, and I partially want to go there because it is the hub of jazz music. I loved the “Down in New Orleans” book-ended renditions at the start and the end of the movie, originally performed by Dr. John and in the reprise performed by Anika herself belting it out.

“Almost There” I love as a “I Want” song and as an empowerment mantra, it’s a song about focusing on your goals, working hard for them and it is catchy as hell.

“Friends on the Other Side” is the best villain song since “Be Prepared” and “Hellfire”. Not only does it give an amazing display of Facilier’s voodoo powers but Keith David delivers a fantastic performance all round.

“Dig a Little Deeper” is another great life motivation song, and if it is Jenifer Lewis singing it then she stays in character and does a great job.

The other songs are good, they’re nice but I do feel they’re a tad forgettable.

The Princess and the Frog is one of the more underrated Disney animated movies, it was unfairly weak at the box office, yet delivers a brilliant well-rounded story with fantastic characters, stunning visuals, great life lessons and an overall heartwarming feeling.

It’s also made me want to try beignets as I have never had them before.

So what do you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Disney+ What to Watch Top 10s as well as more Top 10 Lists and other posts.

#disney #disney+#disney plus #the princess and the frog #princess and the frog #disney+ what to watch top 10s #disney+ what to watch #my top 10 favourite modern day disney animated movies #my top 10 favourite modern day disney classics

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