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shehungers · 2 days ago

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LUCID

sleep paralysis demon x reader | 18+ | 3k

you're a chronic insomniac desperately searching for relief. your best friend and neurologist makes a suggestion to participate in a sleep study utilizing a new drug still in the testing phase. without any other options, you agree, and the first night of the study, you awaken in the middle of the night thinking it didn't work....

story warnings; dark content; dubcon; somnophilia, hair pulling, choking, "invisible hands", some culturally sensitive discussion, implications of unethical medical practice, mc is implied to have a messy past, details of insomnia, unsettling + dark imagery, detail heavy, probs inaccurate depictions of a sleep study, roughly proofread. I'm also aware that most "sleep doctors" are pulmonologists—fight me👊🏻

reposted from my deleted blog theoxenfree.

this is a concept piece for a larger project—incubus phenomenon. would appreciate it if you'd leave feedback + reblog!!

Children at your daycare liked to draw you fanciful pictures of the other lives they lived in their dreams during afternoon nap time. You were shown orange tabby cats with green eyes garbed in full-plates of knight’s armor, brandishing a fish sword against a foe to save the world.

Most often, they dreamed of their families and drew bright, brave versions of themselves holding hands with a parent, a sibling, a bipedal family dog with an electric collar. A few of the children never smiled in their self-portraits.

The proportions of everything were always silly: gigantic tree trunks with tiny, green bundles sitting atop of them, three enormous fruits supported by brittle vines and growth in bushes, cats and dogs with ears as tall as their bodies, Mom with purple skin instead of brown, Big Sis looking particularly volatile with a theratrically large snarl. Despite this, the children beamed in pride whenever yesterday's drawings would come down off the wall to be replaced with the new.

For some of these kids, this was their own equivalent of having art hung on a refrigerator; to you, it evoked dull, thready jealousy because they were in possession so simple, so biologically normal to them and everyone else around them that to be incapable of the same thing was, surely, a major defect.

Sleep was already a treasure you were seldom allotted the pleasure of greedily surrendering to, but to dream sounded like a terrifying experience to you altogether. It took work; a stringent routine of warm showers (hot and scalding water was forbidden), with an array of chalky, dissolvable tabs and shower gels and shampoos and moisturizers and essential oil dehumidifiers and soy candles and hot tea and special pillow sleep spray you’d seen in an online ad while thumbing through socials.

It took pajamas that were loose, soft but not silky, it took a satin bonnet and a satin eye covering (the kind with pockets for your eyelashes to move), comforters soused in lavender spray meant to magically work out the tightness in your shoulders and calves without the need of paying for a masseuse’s bony elbow. It took purchasing a battery-operated alarm clock to wake yourself for work so you could shut off your phone and leave it plugged into the wall downstairs.

You'd nearly forgotten—you couldn't have sugar after half past six, you had to stagger your water consumption after that time as well because the urge to piss would keep you awake for hours after the fact. The television needed to be off once you finished putting away dishes after dinner.

If you were lucky, this would work and you'd sleep a total of two or three hours uninterrupted—never fully tipping over the edge of wakefulness into deep sleep, but enough to keep yourself going during the day, grocery shop, wrangle the small children, scrape at a bar, get dicked down into your mattress every now and then, and visit Sujay for your usual appointments.

“How do you feel about trying something different?” he always gestured to one of the modern-looking armchairs upholstered in teal polyester before bringing you a tea of some sort. Today was a floral white tea with a spoonful of honey. “Ah, my friend, I worry for you. We've done so many studies, we've tried so many different things. Does none of it help? At all?”

“Not really.” you admitted after a sip, singing your tongue once and placing aside the cup and saucer pair. “I don't know if I can keep doing this until the day I die, Sujay. What do you recommend next?”

Dr. Sujay Patel was your neurologist, an utterly brilliant man, and a close friend from your early university days. Despite the rest of your friend group falling apart, pulled in separate directions by the strings of fate and temptation of money, you'd managed to stay in contact with Sujay throughout grad school. There'd been an intermission, probably a period of two years, where you'd forgotten he even existed.

You were out making a disaster of your life on sleepless, drunken benders because you hoped enough alcohol would either knock you out or kill you. The normal distractions came with it: your entire family dynamic corroding and combusting, an ex getting too big for their britches, and a roommate suspiciously eager to rally behind that ex.

Sujay came back into the picture following a nasty incident of alcohol poisoning that left you bedridden in the hospital for a week. You had decided then, in that uncomfortable bed with their starchy, crunchy white sheets and the bathroom being too far away to simply get up and walk to, that you'd abstain from alcohol forevermore.

He'd seen you in a state of soul-weary disarray not long after you were discharged and had decided to take you on as a patient.

“Now, you have a choice here, just remember that.” Sujay sat adjacent to you in the exact chair you were in. He wasn't daunted by the heat from his tea and took some time with it, whether to savor the subtle notes of it or to consider his words, you weren't sure. “But, a colleague of mine at a… pharmaceutical company has been working to get an experimental sedative into some studies. Testing periods, I guess you could say.”

You're convinced by his dedication to his tea to pick up yours again. “Does it work?”

“As of now, one-hundred percent of those who have participated have reported high-efficacy, or at least have claimed it to be effective in some manner.” His mustache moved as he sipped. You drank as well. “I think you should submit to the study and if you're accepted into one of the control groups—commit to it. We're running out of options otherwise. I don't want you to start mixing up your own cocktail of things. All it takes is the wrong thing once, y'know?”

The chair groaned while you adjusted your weight in it. You sighed. “Would that once be such a bad thing, though? At least I could sleep.”

“I'm a doctor,” Sujay looked over his square-rimmed glasses at you, forehead wrinkles enormous, whites of his eyes showing more than the hazel of his irises. “Behave yourself.”

“Fine.” Mesmerized by the stray tea leaves that had managed to escape the metal ball steeper, you said, “tell me what I need to do.”

Sujay had sent you away that day with a whole host of follow-up appointments and a glowing review to his colleague in hopes of skipping the line as much as possible. Sometimes, it was beneficial to have friends in high places, especially when that means you get a call two days later for preliminary, formal interviews and an offer to participate in said study once clearances came through and your blood work came back as desired.

A month to the day when Sujay first mentioned the possibility of a magical cure all to your relentless insomnia, you were brought into a minimally furnished room—the standard, bland cookie cutter type that hadn't an ounce of personality—dotted from head-to-toe in stickers for neuromonitoring, heart rhythm, and whatever else they fancied, you supposed.

It was only after you had changed into your soft, but not too soft, pajamas and covered in wires that you were handed a tiny purple pill. The color of it was obviously a dissolvable casing and food coloring, but what amazed you was the fact a drug this small was meant to induce the best sleep of your life.

“Take the pill, drink at least four ounces of water, and lie supine.” The technologists outside your room, speaking into an intercom, elaborated afterward that they wanted you to stay on your back while you slept. You didn't bother to point out that you weren't stupid—just tired. “We understand that not everyone finds this position comfortable, but to receive adequate results and to measure your vitals at all times, we ask that you try your best.”

You weren't going to hassle them about this and did precisely as they instructed. Shoved the pill down the back of your throat, drank the bottled water, and tried to get comfortable on your back.

You closed your eyes.

A part of you wondered why you had assented to Sujay’s suggestion so easily, especially where everything else had failed. He was one hell of a friend, and had always been that way for you, but as a doctor, you wondered if two years of cheating through medical school, so as to not royally piss off his parents and be disowned for failing, was finally catching up with him somewhat.

You recalled being startled when he told you he hadn’t married yet and didn't intend to as some deep-rooted act of spite against his family and the traditions they had held over his head all his life. Traditions that had been weaponized against him, rather than supplement his life as an extension of his history, of the things he loved, of a chance to explore more of himself.

You had listened wordlessly the entire time he spoke about it, still sipping on his tea, the results from your latest brain scan clamped to a clipboard on his lap—

This wasn't working.

This was so stupid.

You opened your eyes and sat up in the stiff bed, carefully maneuvering your fingers around your orbital bone to force away the puffiness and exhaustion still lingering behind them. It was only as you rubbed your eyes that you noticed your face was empty of cold stickers and a thousand wires. You didn't hear distant blips in the machine measuring your heart rate, nor track the voices of anyone outside your door.

The room was still the same—the outdated, bulky dresser with claw feet, a few gray chairs you could buy on display in a window somewhere, a low oval table, a bedside table for your glass of water and a crisp, neatly folded change of clothes for the next day.

It was only unusual that you were bare of the technologist’s monitoring equipment and sitting amid an unfaltering, deep silence that amplified the sounds of your very existence. Your slow breaths with a quickening heartbeat, blood pumping in your ears, and the coarse rustle of bedsheets as you shifted around the mattress to bring some sense to what was going on.

Would the technologists have come into the room and removed everything from your body without waking you? More miraculously, without you rousing and throwing your hands on them for touching you first?

“Maybe the drug worked?” you had to consider the possibility, even though it still felt as far-fetched as the holistic medicine practitioners online telling you that an herbal cleansing juice could regenerate organs entirely. “Did I actually sleep? I don't remember dreaming, though. Aren't I supposed to dream?”

You looked to the one, single-paned window across the bedroom to spy how far along the morning had progressed, but found yourself sucking in and holding in a breath instead.

There, standing in your view of the outside, was the silhouette of a tall man. Everything about him was indistinguishable aside from the depth of darkness that made him up. Within the confines of the dim room, alight by a single lamp with an amber bulb that seemed to weaken by the second, this man stood apart from the shadows as something deeper, blacker, but corporeal.

He was every bit a part of the dark as much as he wasn't. And you couldn't tell if he was fading you or turned to look out the window at the parking lot two stories below.

“Hi—hello. Are—are you one of the techs?” you had finally let out that breath, now focusing on gauging the guy’s level of sociability, and by extension, his friendliness and the likelihood of him lunging at you. “I, uh, just would've really appreciated it if someone had woken me up before taking off the stickers.”

You were able to see out the window from the gaps around his body, taking note that it was still dark. Very dark. Beyond that, nothing else was discernible from where you sat and what he blocked.

The study wouldn't have finished yet.

Those techs would've taken precaution to wake you up if something had happened.

“Am I asleep?” you asked the wordlese man. “Am I dreaming now? Are you a dream? Is that what it's like?

You never imagined that there could be so much lucidity within a dream, a level of consciousness so similar to a state of wakefulness. When you thought about moving, you could perfectly flex your fingers, curl your toes into the high-pile carpet underfoot, touch the airy fabric covering your body and feel it touching you in turn.

How normal was this really, though? No one had ever told you about dreams like this. Theirs were always fragmented and discombobulated, just like the kids in daycare who drew pictures of pig astronauts and flame extinguishing spatulas. You knew of a rare few in the population capable of controlling their dreams, steering the outcome in the direction they pleased, but even those people were overrode by their own brains.

This was something completely different.

You became especially convinced of this when you thought the stifled air suddenly shifted with a light breeze, a soft whoosh in your ear. A chill erupted over you, making your skin burst with goose flesh, your brain chasing a shiver down your spine as if cold fingers stroked you all the way down the length of it. Those same fingers stayed low, hovering across your lower back before pushing into you, arching you down onto the mattress.

That freedom you thought you had only moments ago was gone, stolen by this invisible hand on your body that was rounding to you and reaching for your chest. Until now, you thought this had simply been a part of the dream—something you had believed to be in control in when the reality was much different—but, as the buttons on your sleep shirt unfastened before your eyes, the thin layers opening you to the cold, inky air, you weren't sure what to think, to do.

Another hand joined the first with long, heavy fingers to knead at your body and take your pants off of your hips until you were fully exposed to the darkness and the thing still dwelling within the room. It hadn't moved an inch since you'd noticed it a while ago; it never became any clearer, any more defined in the clothes or wore, and trying to look upon its face only filled you with puzzlement and dread.

The large hands were so cold despite all their movement on your hot skin, all of the work they did to start riling you up and making you moan. One of them groped your chest, felt your throat, squeezed your jaw as though to force your gaze at one point in particular (the ceiling), pushed apart your lips to dip into your mouth and wet its fingers on your tongue.

You did so as it was the only thing you could do freely right now.

Those fingers, covered in your spit, caressed you between your legs, stroking you in motions neither gentle or harsh. The muscles in your thighs flinched, stomach tightening, your throat vibrating to produce a moan smothered by the second hand circling your throat, gripping firmly enough where you could breathe, but just barely.

The thing couldn’t stop your thoughts, as much as it seemed to try, so it took to interrupting them—distracting you but squeezing your neck, yanking your head back into the pillow by your hair, adjusting itself to thrust multiple fingers into your body, burying them to the knuckle.

You tried to win this war of willpower by thinking about Sujay and his mustache and his stupid glasses. They were green, sometimes blue; seldom did he like the tortoiseshell look.

The thing lunged at your neck again, this time taking you underside the jaw and forced your head back into the pillow while it fucked you deeper on three fingers.

You wanted to make a sound; a moan, a scream, a torturous whimper or pleasure for the way your body was rocked on the bed, creaking with the weight of a pair combined and not just how it appeared. Your nostrils flared, heart rate at an uneasy high, breaths stuck in the column of your throat behind the hand holding it.

The pressure continued to stack higher and higher, building to such a point where you knew you were about to lose it, unravel, praying that this thing would grant you the kindness of fucking you out of your orgasm.

Your abdomen was wound tight, your groin ached terribly, and your thighs started to shake. Behind your eyes, the kaleidoscopic wheels of color intermingled with the darkness and it all slowly burned to white.

And then—

“Good morning!” you were being shaken awake by one of the technologists, a middle-aged woman with blue eyeliner. she didn't expect for you to jolt upright, stick straight, and launch the covers off of your body. “Oh—hey, honey, you alright? We’re done until tonight. How do you feel?”

You were slow to respond to her, occupied by the morning light filtering in through the window across the bedroom. She gave you some time to gather your bearings and took her time removing the stickers and wires from your skin, suggesting you spend some time really scrubbing in the shower later to get off all the adhesive.

“How about now, honey?” she pulled the last sticker and wire combination off of your shoulder. “You with us?”

You didn't know how to answer that, especially not with how damp you felt inside your thighs.

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aceofshitposts · 2 days ago

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Contrary to popular belief Tim is actually well aware of the importance of sleep. Tim knows that the body needs sleep to function optimally, that he needs to get more of it and imbibe less caffeine. That would all be well and good, if his body would let him.

Tim's no stranger to insomnia. Has suffered sleepless nights staring at the inside of his eyelids over and over until... Well, if he wasn't going to get any sleep anyway he might as well do something else. Tailing Batman and Robin when he was younger then working on cases, tinkering with gadgets in the early morning hours in the Batcave; anything to maybe force his body past the point of no return so he could actually sleep.

While it's gotten better, Tim still spends more time awake then he does asleep. It might be easier, some nights, but not always.

"I'm heading in early." It's a thankfully quiet night but Tim can feel the exhaustion tugging at his limbs. By his estimation he's gotten a scattered total of ten hours of sleep the last couple days and none of it was particularly restful.

"Alright," comes Oracle's computerized voice, "you okay?"

"Fine. Just feeling a little under the weather." It's true enough and Tim manages to be in bed in his apartment a little after 12:30am.

He just has to close his eyes. Close his eyes, stop thinking...

Two hours pass and Tim still. Can't. Sleep.

Fine then. There's WE reports to review anyway. If he passes out while working on the couch then so be it.

The sun is beginning to rise, Tim's living room cast in a deep orange light when there's a noise at the balcony. Even as tired as he is Tim manages to fish a batarang out from the underside of the coffee table and brandish it at the intruder.

"The hell are you doing awake?"

Who turns out to be the Red Hood in all his armoured glory, a plastic takeout bag dangling from one hand.

Tim drops back onto the couch in a huff, rubbing one hand down his face.

"Honestly couldn't tell you. What're you doing here?"

"Blondie told me you were sick," Jason says simply, placing the plastic bag on the coffee table with a thunk. The helmet follows soon after. "Thought I'd drop off some food as thanks for helping me out the other day, especially if you were doing it while getting sick."

Huh. That's awful... thoughtful of Jason. Unfortunately, Tim wasn't any more sick than he was normally, Stephanie had probably exaggerated the problem just through hearsay.

Jason is looking at him. Scrutinizing him in a way only a bat can.

Tim's never exactly told anyone about his troubles with insomnia, content to let everyone just assume it was by choice. Which was probably an entirely different problem in and of itself.

"Alright, come on," Jason says. Commands, really. He's gone from the other side of the coffee table to grabbing Tim by the bicep and hauling him to his feet in the span of a blink. Or maybe Tim's perception of time has completely deteriorated. One of the two.

"What?" Tim asks belatedly in the middle of being dragged from the livingroom to the bedroom. Jason doesn't answer, instead drawing the blackout curtains to block out the rising sun and... it's not quite a shove, but it's definitely not a suggestion either that Tim lie down.

He disappears out the door leaving Tim to wonder if he actually hallucinated all that. There's noise in the apartment- the fridge door opening, the rustling of a plastic bag, the fridge door closing. Tim expects Jason to leave, sighing into his comforter as he tries to get comfortable. If he's lucky he'll fall asleep in a few hours at this rate.

And then he hears the bedroom door close. Footsteps and a weight on the bed. Warm, strong arms pull Tim in until he's pressed flush against Jason's solid body.

Tim starts to wonder if he did fall asleep on the couch and is currently just. Halluci-dreaming. Or something.

Jason's chest expands, his breath ruffling Tim's hair.

"Stop thinking, babybird," he rumbles, squeezing Tim a little tighter.

Tim closes his eyes and falls asleep in record time.

#astrix writes #things i do when i myself can't sleep #finish wips from 2 years ago #clunkily but finished lmao #jaytim

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chugging-antiseptic-dye · 3 days ago

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seventeen as cavemen 🪃 :

tw: mentions of killing animals and processing them

scoups: leads the hunting team to hunt elephants and giraffes. wants to hunt a deer one day but doesn't think that he actually can

jeonghan: in charge of leading the fishing team. gets excited whenever he catches a tiny fish

joshua: main job is to gather edible berries or fruits and he is damn good at it. great at remembering to prioritise seasonal fruits

jun: part of the fishing team and is amazing at spearing fish in shallow waters. when asked what's his secret, he says he can 'feel the fish and be one with the water'

hoshi: doesn't have a permanent job but is always down for scouting duties. he likes running ahead

wonwoo: best at gathering edible plants bc he remembers all the details that set one plant from another. gently guides chan away from poison ivy and the like

woozi: is always on perimeter guard duty. suits him bc he doesn't want to talk to other people or be stuck on skinning duties

mingyu: is a part of the hunting team. hogs all the elephant brain to eat whenever they hunt one

dokyeom: in charge of finding seeds to plant. frequently brings back old seeds that don't germinate but he is magic with cooking meat so no one says anything

minghao: is always on skinning duty bc he is good at separating the fur from the meat and bones from the fish. gets first dibs on food bc no one else wants to skin animals

seungkwan: is on the hunting team with mingyu and scoups. plans all the hunts but sometimes gets spooked while hunting. once let a rabbit go bc it was too cute

vernon: gathers edible berries with joshua but he hyper focuses on one berry. one time all the blueberries in a five mile radius got plucked and everyone had to eat blueberries for three days straight

chan: wonwoo takes him to gather edible plants but he gets so excited that he isn't careful about his surroundings. secretly gathers only all of his favourite plants to eat and if someone pisses him off, their least favourite plants to eat

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somefanchick · 7 hours ago

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-Leona’s Pride and Prejudice-

(This story is from Leona's perspective anytime the events of book three. It does include mention of the Cloudcalling on the Savanna event. I only know information from the English server story and events so sorry if anything is terribly out of character. This fic is platonic and is cannon for my Yuu-sona, but I do just call them (Yuu) in the story [she/her] [feminine terms]. Hope you enjoy!)

(Triger Warning: cussing, derogatory terms, drunk individual, and some sexual harassment towards (Yuu).)

I had a hard time understanding the Ramshackle prefect. She would put up with things that would piss most people off and then fly off the handle at things that only seemed to bother her. Hell, she seemed more pissed at me for not wanting to let her stay in Savanaclaw while she dealt with the octopunk then she was at me for overbloting. She would entertain Grim, Cheeka, and freshmen alike while they did every annoying thing they possibly could, but then lose her mind at Jamil just brushing by her in the hallway without saying a quick apology.

I could never tell what she was going to do next. I would find myself observing her whenever she came near, making a game out of trying and failing to predict her choices. I would guess she was getting a sandwich for lunch only to get the fish platter and give it to Grim. I would think she came to the library to read or research only to find her pulling out a pen to work on a paper for class. I couldn’t understand her.

Once again, it was time to play the game. I had hidden in a large tree near mainstreet to sleep, using the people below as some sorta white noise. However, (Yuu) had entered the picture, keeping me awake. The statues had gotten dirty as migration had caused flocks of birds to pass over campus during the changing seasons, leading the headmaster to commission his little errand-runner to clean them.

She was working on the King of Beasts' statue when I noticed that a group of sophomores had stopped to talk and loiter on the side of the street. I didn’t even notice them at first, but they kept raising their voices to force everyone around to listen.

“Maybe people wouldn’t hate her so much if she wasn’t such a bitch,” the leader of the imbeciles spat, pointing the words at (Yuu), “Maybe then she’d have someone who wants to keep her around.”

“Maybe,” another boy took (Yuu)’s lack of response as a go ahead to keep pushing, “she needs someone to put her in her place.”

The leader wasn’t even trying to hide his smirk. I couldn’t even hear what he was saying properly anymore. My head was racing. As the insults kept hurling towards her, I kept watching for a reaction. Nothing. It’s like she wasn’t even hearing them.

On the one hand, I knew she could handle herself. Seven knows she can dish out even more than she takes. Plus, she’s dealt with more overblots than anyone with nothing more than her own physical ability to keep her safe. I knew that she could send those cocky assholes to the dirt if she really wanted to. But she didn’t. I kept waiting.

“I would understand her ego if she wasn't such an ugly prude,” One of the boys snickered, “You would think she’d want to show off the only ‘nice’ thing about her, but she always covers up those long legs of hers.”

She ignored them again, climbing onto the statue base to get bird poop off the mane. They kept getting louder and it was starting to piss me off. They made comments that were more and more specific and vile. I knew she could handle herself, but I also knew that I could handle it. I started to run out of patience.

“And what is with those freshmen she hangs out with?”

I finally saw her react. It was small and subtle enough to where I don’t even think the assholes saw it. But she froze for a second. I could almost see her switch from ignoring them completely to analyzing everything by the second.

“They are so stupid! I don’t think a single one of them is going to pass their classes,” the boy rolled his eyes, “Plus those guys are weak as hell. I bet any one of us could beat the shit out of any of them while the bitch just watched.”

“Say that again?” (Yuu) had finished with the mane of the statue and was now leaning against it while towering over the sophomores, “I fear my ears may be fooling me.”

“He said,” The leader took over for his friend, approaching the statue in some attempt to look threatening, “that any one of us could beat the shit out of any of those dumbass freshmen while all you did was bitch and moan about it while sobbing your eyes out.”

“Cool,” She jumped down from the statue, leaving the cleaning supplies on the base, “So now that you’ve gotten your delusions out of your system, you can start preparing for the consequences of running that shithole you call a mouth.”

“Oh really?” He got in her face, I was almost out of patience, “And what consequences are those? You getting on your knees to beg for mercy on behalf of your little boy toys?”

“Nope.”

She socked him in the face. It was a perfect attack. A clean hit to the jaw before driving her knee into his crotch. She moved back as the friends went in to make their own attacks. I actually recognized the tactics she used as she quickly dodged and hit the others. They had been the same techniques I had taught at the Bead Brawl tournament.

Soon all of them were hauling their sorry asses to the infirmary. I knew she wouldn’t get in trouble because idiots like those wouldn’t admit they got their ass handed to them by a magicless girl.

She just moved on to start cleaning the next statue. It was like nothing had happened.

I was in one of the trees in the courtyard, once again trying to sleep while Ruggie was in PE. (Yuu) entered the courtyard in her own PE uniform, probably at a break in her schedule after her own flying class. She sat at the fountain and began reading some history book. I didn’t recognize it from Trein’s class, so I assumed it was one of her ‘fun’ reads.

I could see a pair of Savanaclaw freshmen at a table near the fountain, and I could see them talking in hushed voices. If I had been anyone else I wouldn’t have heard them, but being me, I did.

One of the students was a jackal beastmen, “I still can’t believe that lazy prick is King Falena’s brother. I’m so glad there's no chance he’ll be king. He’d run the country into the ground.”

“Dude,” One of the other student’s joined in the conversation, “You didn’t even see his meltdown. The dude almost disintegrated Ruggie with that terrifying spell of his. He must be real fucking stupid to try and kill the one person who puts up with his lazy ass.”

I watched as (Yuu) slammed her book closed, not bothering to mark her place, “Could you twats shut your traps?”

“Excuse me?” The second boy looked at her with disgust and confusion, “We’re having a private conversation.”

“Yeah,” She stood, “Loud enough for anyone in the school to hear. Plus, what your saying is bullshit. I’m not letting bullshit interrupt my reading during my half-an-hour of peace, solitude, and quiet.”

The beastman stood, trying to use his size to get her to back down, “Look, I’m just expressing an opinion. Why do you even care? It’s not like he’s ever done anything for you. He’s just lazy.”

“And that’s how I know you’re just imbeciles who don’t know anything other than what you’ve been told to believe,” She stared him in the eye and showed no signs of backing down, “What exactly do you expect from him? Do you expect perfection without praise? Perfection without any hope for something to come out of it? Do you expect him to make plan after plan to improve everything for everyone else only to get shot down because it’s his idea and not someone else's or because it hasn’t been done before? Do you expect him to try and improve the lives of the people who are figuratively slapping him in the face on the regular? Try to be productive while being ignored, constantly overshadowed, and being put down by everyone around you. After you do that, then you can shoot the shit all you want and I won’t complain.”

“Why are you being so defensive about this?” The other student interjected, “You of all people should know how destructive he is. You’re the one who dealt with his overblot.”

“Exactly,” She smiled a wicked smile that sent a chill through me, “I dealt with it. You cried in the corner. It’s not that he’s scary. You’re just a coward. Plus, it is rich of you to call him lazy or stupid when you are completely aware of his little scheme to win the spelldrive tournament. The plan was actually well thought out and took a good deal of effort. The only folly was that he underestimated me. And Seven knows that he never made that mistake again. He’s constantly aware of every factor he can’t predict. That takes intelligence and diligence. Now will you please give me my…” she checked a pocket watch that someone must have given her at some point, “twenty three remaining minutes of peace, solitude, and quiet?”

The freshmen were silent. The jackal-boy sat back down. An odd emotion swirled inside of me. She seemed to somewhat get it. Everything she had said about me was at least a thought that had crossed my mind at one point or another. Sure it wasn’t everything, and it wasn’t like she knew everything. However, it was odd that she could read that much of me. Especially since I thought her head was too far up her ass to see others so intimately, let alone me.

She sat back down at the fountain and the freshmen left the courtyard. Part of me hoped she would look in my direction. Show some kinda sign that she only said those things or intervened because she knew I was watching. Some part of me thought that would make it seem less personal. Make it feel like she was doing it with some ulterior motive of gaining my favor or getting me to ‘owe’ her. But she didn’t.

She just sat down and began reading again.

She was strange.

She could handle herself. I knew that. I had seen that first hand. She could fight or outwit any of the other herbivores. But I could never understand her.

I don’t even know what possessed me to take the bus into town. An odd craving for this one sandwich made by a local business that refuses to deliver and an absent Ruggie maybe.

(Yuu) was also on the bus. I found myself almost following her when she got off. She had a bag with some books in it, so I assumed she was trading them in at that one bookstore full of used literature. I told myself that I was just going the same direction as her because the two businesses were near one another, but part of me knew it was just to see what she would do.

She turned the corner and ran smack into a man that was all but blocking the entrance to the bookstore.

“Pardon me,” She didn’t smile as she moved to walk past the man.

“Hey,” Even from the distance I had put between her and myself, I could smell that the man reeked of booze. He hiccuped, “What’s the rush pretty lady? Got a hot date or something?”

“No,” She kept a neutral expression, “Just errands and a limited time to do them.”

He stopped her from moving past him, “Well then why don’t you stay a while? Pretty thing like you shouldn’t be all alone. Plus,” I could see him scan her form, “I’m sure I could find something good to entertain both of us.”

I wanted to rip his head off. He was being annoying and (Yuu) at least deserved some assistance after she went out of her way to defend me. However, I knew she could handle herself. I waited and watched for her to do something. For her to punch and kick, knocking him to the ground like those asshole sophomores. For her to talk him into the grave and bathe him in shame like she had with the freshmen. But it was nothing. She let him keep going.

“Why aren’t you smiling? Beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be frowning,” He put his arm against the wall, keeping her in place, “Come on sexy, smile for me.”

Why wasn’t she doing anything? I know she didn’t typically do what I would think she would do in any given situation, but to do nothing? What in the name of the seven was going on in her head?

I didn’t even notice I wandered closer until (Yuu) and I made eye contact. I had never seen that look in her eyes. It wasn’t exactly fear or numbness, but an odd mix of the two. As if she had completely disassociated but some small part of her was screaming for help. I didn’t even think she realized that it was my eyes she was looking into. She only knew that it was someone who could possibly help.

She could handle herself. But not right now.

“Hey,” I found myself gripping onto the man’s shoulder, “Leave.”

“Excuse me?” He swayed as he turned to try and confront me.

“You’re drunk, not deaf,” I nearly growled, “I told you to leave.”

“What’s your deal?” He seemed even more drunk close up, “It’s none of your business. I’m just talking to a pretty lady. What happened to being a bro and not cockblocking a perfect stranger?”

Sevens the bastard was drunk off his ass.

“Leave before I tear your fucking head off,” I grinned to show off my teeth, “Or don’t. I don’t mind catching a charge.”

The man put his hands up in surrender, “Whatever dick cheese. A guy can’t shoot his shot with a sexy lady anymore? Sevens!”

I didn’t take my eyes off him until he completely disappeared into the streets. I just hoped someone called the police on his ass for public intoxication or some shit.

“Leona?” (Yuu) finally spoke again, the look in her eyes replaced by her normal neutral or annoyed tone, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting a sandwich,” I put my hands in my pockets, “What else?”

She sighed, “Can we just not talk about what just happened? It’s a pain in the ass.”

I tried not to smile, “Yeah. It sure is.”

I went with her to the bookstore and she followed me to the sandwich place. The day was filled with a comfortable silence, only broken by random comments that never really led to a full conversion. It was nice. Plus, I no longer felt like I needed to pay her back for her defending me to those freshmen. It was a win-win situation.

It still didn’t stop me from thinking about it. She had no trouble standing up to people at school for talking shit about me and her freshman. However, she seemed to completely shut down when it was about her. I didn’t get it.

She sat next to me on the bus as the sun set. She laid her head back on the seat and I could see the moment that she fell asleep. It was oddly peaceful.

…

I had a hard time understanding the Ramshackle prefect.

#disney twst #twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #leona kingscholar #leona #leona x reader #leona x yuu #fem yuu #twst mc #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland drabble

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resident-idiot-simp · 23 hours ago

Text

What if MacTavish time traveled back after he died at the end of MW3

Ft: @azilver

(x)

Az:

mactavish fades away with prices voice in his ear and thinks its about time only to come to at his desk with a concerned riley looming over him calling "captain? captain???"

mactavish rights himself and dismisses the lieutenant but its on auto, looking around at the office he hasn't seen in, what? a year? more? he vaguely recalls the paperwork about chemo requesting leave but .... pushing up from the desk he heads outside, stride purposeful even if he can't think of a destination. he remembers the pain, rubbing at where the wound had burst open as he landed, the dull throb of a phantom knife separating his flesh. familiar voices call out greeting and acknowledgements, he feels like choking seeing his men jog past. dead. they were all dead.

Me:

MacTavish just roams aimlessly. He remembers this is before everything went wrong before the start of the end.

Before Makarov started causing issues at least noticeably. World war 3 hadn't started yet and General Shepherd....General Shepherd.

Could he even stop it from starting? No, he couldn't he knows he can't. But he could stop the war sooner. He knows where Makarov will be knows what has to get done.

He's a step ahead but... Shepherd how the hell does he deal with Shepherd? He can't kill him not right now he become haunted immediately.

He would have to play along... maybe send out separate secret operations. Shit where was his journal. He patted himself down And grabbed the small book.

It was covered in blood....his blood...

Az:

alt

he doesn't believe in any supernatural shit, he can't, getting your hopes up in their line of work is never a good idea. but he can try.

he needs to find his place in time and so he heads for his room, digs until he finds his latest notebook and reads. he's back farther than he thought. price isn't back yet, that a month or 2 out still. sheppards still sniffing around, playing them like fiddles.

not for long. he has until the rescue mission to untangle this shit as much as he can. he can't think about price right now, not with the realisations he'd come to after the bastard had let sheppard take his boys from him. had ushered in the war they'd bled and sacrificed for so long to keep at bay.

he needs a fucking smoke.

heading outside he fishes in his pockets for his pack. oh, he's on his last cigar and ain't that a big pointed ironic finger from the universe?

"yeah, yeah, i get ye." he mutters and crushes it under foot.

"sir?" riley sidles up, a predators grace shifting in that odd edginess he always had when alone with mactavish outside of missions. well, he supposes it would be odd to se him talking to himself and destroying a good cigar.

"was damp." he spits, watching from the side as riley leans against the wall next to him. "spot me a fag, lieutenant."

he hears the smirk in the man's voice even as he passes him the cigarette, slipping out another for himself, "only if'n ye spot me a light, sir"

Me:

You KNOW his personality must take a 180. Like it's whole new person or alternatively just different enough to be off-putting.

He has changed a lot over the course of the war and all the losses seem to pile on.

He will stare at his team sometimes like his seeing ghosts. He will turn around and treat them tougher then every before so this time maybe, hopefully they won't be unprepared

You know it's like pulling teeth for MacTavish to go along with Shepherd. Everyone else is super confused because what the hell changed in such a short period of time

Az:

he takes to digging, burning the late night oil in a way that has even the likes of the worst insomniacs of base weary. he needs proof, something tangible to show his men. he knows they trust him, more than the past-future shows/ed they should and he can't just make them go on faith.

as a captain he can't ignore his duties, thankfully he has a damned good memory and what he forgot he has in his notebook. the few ops they're sent on go off without a hitch - if maybe the men start whispering about the captains near psychic ability to just know he ignores it. instead what little time he can spare is spent with his boys.

where before he would watch from the sidelines for the most part he now steps in. he spars and backchats and touches. its confusing and unnerving somehow ...but also appreciated. maybe it just bonding or just maybe how he'd pulled away in the last few years as sheppard wound his way closer into the 141.

soap was always one of them but along the way the captain had taken over more and more. and for all he's pushing them harder and harder they notice the captain is more prone to risks. they see him staring off too often to dismiss it. they know somethings changed and like good soldiers they read their captain and start preparing.

Me:

Riley gets particular snoopy one day and manages to snag the journal. MacTavish kept that thing safe like it was his own child so seeing it covered in blood was alarming.

He worried over what had happened. Opening it there wasn't anything note worthy but the more pages he flipped the weirder it got.

There were things that hadn't happened yet events, betrayals, death, The more Riley read the more he needed answers.

Then his and Roach's death...

He just stared uncomprehending way because what? Shepherd? Sure he'd never really trusted the man but...to kill them?

Then the hunt... Then the blood... Then The last edition that wasn't the neat and purposeful writing of MacTavish...

Az:

it makes sense for all that it doesn't.

out of them all riley was the one who always watched mactavish, was always looking at the man. so he'd seen those little moments, the quickly shuttered pained swallows watching his men, the pure hate that sliced through his eyes the moment sheppard turned around. the little things like stepping between roach and a fire, putting off a mission an hour just to get that much more gear stowed.

and the thing that pushed riley past the edge of his respect for the man, just enough that he allowed himself to snoop: mactavish flirted back.

Me:

He's not a man that would normally go into people's business that's not his own. But he was genuinely worried about Tav and the man was going along with the flirting and stuff. He knew they were close probably closer than anyone else on the team.

That was his job after all he was the Captain's right hand. But what if instead of snooping (this just hit me) he had seen the journal somewhere it shouldn't be and wanted to bring it back to him

Az:

riley's not stupid. he knew mactavish let them, let him, get away with much more than any other CO would. he'd never given a shit about who was fucking who, hell, worm had admitted to the captain walking in on he and meat and just told them to get their reports on his desk before lights out. the captain seemed to be of the opinion that nothing mattered except their abilities in the field, pushing himself same as them.

and riley had pushed back on occasion. being the man's 2nd gave him leeway sure but even then the first time he'd found a proposition slipping out in response to the man sighing in exhaustion he'd fully believed he was about to be murdered. what he hadn't expected was a snort and "fuck off, riley"

it had become a thing he did, so much so that the rest of the unit openly placed bets on if the cap would ever give the man what he wanted. and good god was mactavish what riley wanted. he'd fucked around enough to know who was game and how to get what he wanted. for a while he'd thought mactavish was ace except roach came in one morning and told them all how he'd seen the man take home some girl from the bar the night before. so straight, which sucked but didn't stop him pushing. then a few of them were at a bar a few miles from base and he'd gone for a leak only to see his captain walk out of a stall adjusting his belt, 3 seconds later followed a pretty boy wiping at his mouth.

Me:

Riley has been extatic to know he had a chance and if Tav really didn't want it. Well the man was more than capable of getting him to stop.

The fact MacTavish allowed it in of itself was damn near the equivalents of permission. He let them do as they pleased for the most part sure.

But he was not beyond jumping down someone's throat if they annoyed him too much. People just understood You could do what you wanted but If it was something you couldn't... Well you would find out.

The captain was brutal there was no denying that. He expected perfection and would settle for nothing less and it seemed if only gotten worse his standards raising in the past few weeks. This seems to be the answer for it but wtf did it mean.

It made sense and fit perfectly sure but It was bat shit insane. Riley prided himself in nothing was too far-fetched but this? This pushed the limit for him.

He didn't mention it as he handed the journal back. He didn't mention it to anyone else either. He just continued doing what he always did. Being a nuisance in flirting with the captain

Az:

"if you insist on using that mouth of yours for something other than shutting up, be at my bunk at lights out and i'll use it for you"

mactavish walks away and silence follows. not one of them can believe what they just heard. they all look at each other over lunch in shock. not once in the years the unit has existed has the captain ever responded to a come on and never to riley. everyone to a man knew the lieutenant was gagging for it, would have been the man's personal fluffer at the barest crook of a finger. and yet...

"ok, what the fuck was that riley?"

"what?" the manc is still reeling and under other circumstances maybe they'd let him get away with it.

peasant comes up and places a restraining hand on his shoulder, archer and worm not a step behind. the rest of the unit move the make sure they're alone, pushing out the few straggling outsiders. whatever the fuck is going on is for the 141's ears only.

"riley, cap's been acting different for the last few weeks, we all know it." toad stares him down as the rest nod in agreement. "feels like a storm's coming and no one but him sees it."

Me:

Riley is still shell shocked "What?" He repeated because SURELY that hadn't just happened.

"Something is up " Meat agreed and Riley wasn't having it. "No no no go back did he just....is he serious?" Riley sounded excited.

"Yes and that's half the issue. What the fuck has changed so much?" Chemo answered easily

Riley wasn't listening he had tuned them out. They were onto something sure and he definitely had a piece to that puzzle.

That however was a later issue, right now? Now he had been offered to fallow though on the flirting.

( az: riley, horny and about to combust: "let me go! i need to get to him!"

the rest of the unit, holding him down: "no, tell us what's going on!"

Me: Riley has answers but is overwhelmed with the horny

Az: the man who thought he'd been made immune to torture is about to learn

Me: The 141: What the fuck is going on?? Surely Riley knows I mean he's around the man more than the rest of us combined

*Cut to Riley who is throthing at the mouth*)

Me:

"RILEY!" Worm shouts at him and Riley turns to snarl at him. "You are around him all the time you're his right had you have to know something. Is it confidential just give us something to work with." Worm begged

Riley groaned in annoyance, "I don't know shit. He hasn't told me anything but...yeah it's not right I *know* that."

Riley wouldn't bring up the journal even though he's sure it is the key to all of this. He shouldn't have seen it in the first place, it wasn't his place to talk about it.

"You don't know anything?" Archer asked dubiously and we'll ge kind of did. He had looked into what McTavish was diving into.

It was files on Shepherd he was looking for dirt. He knew something was wrong there even if he couldn't have concrete proof, even if he didn't bring up the journal.

"I'm not sure what exactly but he's digging for something on Shepherd." Riley answered with a sigh.

"Shepherd? Why Shepherd?" Rook asked and Riley weighed his options.

"I'm not completely sure, but I think he's onto something. I don't talk about before..but Shepherd owns me. Sure I'm here but he could pull me away just as easy. He's always been off he'd use me to do a dirty jobs stuff we can't have on the books." A breath.

"He's not a good man and if MacTavish thinks something's off to the point where he needs to look into it. Well I'd say he's onto something." Riley finishes with a shrug

Az:

and it's not like he'd be sad to get out of sheppards leash. not even if it meant a new one in mactavish's hands.

the world tip and he finds himself on the floor before he knows it. a weight settles on his back even as he manages to flip onto his back. roach is sitting on him and signing rapidly. you should have told us before! we've been freaking out for weeks!

it's probably a sign of how they're all on edge that riley doesn't even try and dislodge the man, instead he tries to reassure him, them. "roach, man, you know how the cap is. he wouldn't want us getting involved especially with how dangerous sheppard is."

peasant squats down beside them and flicks riley's forhead. "oi! none of that, ya hear? we're all 141, that includes you and the cap."

meat picks roach up off of him and tosses him over his shoulder as peasant gives him a hand up, "now, this is what we're gonna do: tonight you give the captain what he deserves and we'll get into his shit. if you do your job well enough he'll be too relaxed to be pissed at us and maybe even enough to let us help"

Me:

Riley has never agreed to something faster in his life. Not like he needs insensitive to put in his best effort.

He ends up in the Captain's quarters and it's without a question the best sex of Riley's life. He's used like a toy and he couldn't be happier.

He knows when he wakes up he'll be useless for the day but it's a sacrifice that has to be made. Besides if The captain gets mad about it well it's his fault.

Riley didn't expect as much passion as he got he was blindsided by the desperation the man showed. It was so unlike him but fuck it was hot.

Sure enough he woke up and he was as sore as he had been after his first hell week. To his surprise Tav was still asleep curled around him.

Riley wouldn't complain and couldn't even if he wanted too. Luckily for him it didn't take long for the other man to wake up.

He stirred as be buried his face further into Riley's hair. "Good morning Johnny." Riley chirped and Tav slapped a hand on his mouth.

"Fuckin told ye no ta call me that." He slurred out voice deep and gravely accent thicker then Riley has ever heard it. It made him melt a little

Az:

he'd happily lie there for the rest of his life, feeling the hollow ache in his ass and light stinging heat from the bites and bruises littered across his skin, even the tacky feeling of drying cum can't ruin the afterglow. he feels ridiculous. he feels fucking giddy.

"missed you" he'd miss it if mactavish's mouth wasn't right by his ear and it's said so quietly, almost a mumble. it's ice water. he twists to look at him but the other man is still more asleep than awake.

I missed you

the caps notebook. it described all their deaths, riley and roach's in particular. that had been months of entries before the last one and next to it had been a short list of dates: one about the time mactavish had started acting off, the next coming up in the next week or so. 3 others following, the last a little after that last entry underlined in red.

Me:

Riley had no reason to believe what he saw in the notebook. Hell it could be delusions cased by the last of sleep the man had be getting.

But Tavs soft 'I missed you' is all it took to convince him it was all real. Was that pathetic and probably his own hopes speaking? Probably but this had become proof for him.

Maybe by the time the others had an idea what was going on it would be answered. At least he could hope because things weren't right.

By the time they both got showed (another round in there) and dressed the team was waiting for them.

In Roach's hand was the journal and Riley locked eyes with him. He saw the same apprehension and horror.

MacTavish just froze up before growling and ripping it out of his hand. Roach didn't even try to hold on to it.

"WHAT THE FACK IS THIS?!" Tav demanded and Riley realizes he may have possibly fucked up.

"You're not acting like yourself we got worried so we did some snooping." Chemo said easily and there was definitely a vain popping out of the Captain's neck.

"I can have you all fired for this!' MacTavish roars but not one of them believe he'll do that for a moment. "Sure but then how will you kill Shepherd and Makarov?" Archer asked.

MacTavish came up short. "What?" He asked confused.

"How will you stop WW3 Without us?" Archer asked smugly. MacTavish looks she'll shocked. Riley's missing something but it seems that they're getting somewhere.

"You believe everything you saw and read?" He asked and the others just nodded in agreement. It wouldn't be something MacTavish would lie about they all knew that.

Az:

"why?"

"Why what?" toad asks

"why do you belive any of that?" Mactavish spits, pointing at the book and it really shouldn;t surprise anyone he's defensive. if even half of what's in there is true then Johnny's been very alone for a long time.

"Sir," chemo starts but how do they explain it?

because we believe you roach says and yes it is that simple.

"it makes sense" meat adds

peasant shrugs, "we know you, sir, you don't do anything for no reason. a few weeks ago you started acting ...off. you're our captain. it was like you'd been turned up to 100!"

there are murmers from the men and comments about the little things but it comes down to the fact that the 141 operates on a very simple and very straightforward mentality: look to the captain

Me:

MacTavish thinks he might cry. He isn't sure how to deal with this overwhelming support. He was so used to being pushed aside and ignored and it hurt. He forgot that this team was based off of.

Trust.

He pulls them into a long abandoned confidence room that promised pricey and showed exactly what he had figured out so far.

The room looks like a mess stuff everywhere. There was paper tacked to walls scribbles on the table. It looked like What people imagined conspiracy theorists did in their free time.

He explained everything and what he had proof of and what he didn't. Strings of evidence and spots where he just couldn't find anything even though he knew how it happened.

It was a week later on the exact specified time when they recovered Price.

No one was sure how to proceed with this and MacTavish was in shambles.

"I should kill him." MacTavish had announced to them all later that night.

"If you do that how do you explain it the way?" Riley asked honestly keen on getting rid of the men but still he had to point out the obvious.

'Doctors already took a look at him It can't be passed off his injuries. If you killed him it would be an assassination someone on base would have had to do it. You can't hide that It would be investigated.' Roach pointed out.

"They have bigger fish to fry than whoever killed Price." MacTavish reasoned.

"Yeah because they wouldn't care about a man who was being held specifically by Makarov." Chemo daid sarcastically.

MacTavish groaned

Zombie hummed, "Let us handle it, sir, best if you aren't involved. From what you've said he'll try and dig in with you so you'd be one of the first questioned."

the men agree even if they don't like it. mactavish didn't hold back when he told them about price and how the man got into his head, pulled him along like a trained dog. and gods did riley not want the man near his captain.

he'd been the one to drag johnny to bed, make sure he ate, keep him on track now that the rest of the men were on board. and maybe there was a part of him that wanted as much of the man as he could have just in case....

the other's were supportive, of course, but they'd agreed to let him handle the more personal aspects to getting their captain through this hell. they helped manage the brass and the other soldiers, handed over their meals and wrote up paperwork that didn;t need more than the cap's signature. rook and zach, the most personable of them, made friends with some of sheppards men and kept a more trained eye on them. robot and red exercised their tech skill and bugged the system. everyone had their ears to the ground but they knew they were running out of time.

so it's no surprise when they're in the hidden office, trying to work out what the hell they can do when mactavish slips in and thunks down on a chair. he looks exhausted.

riley's up and fixing him a coffee without a thought, the others going quiet as the man leans back, eyes closed.

"sir?"

he sighs. "ah cannae do it. if price says another thin' aboot us ah'm gonnae shoot 'im."

it's not secret that soon as the man was let out of medical he'd been on mactavish like tik on a curdog. riley had been hard pressed not to punch the man when he'd given the lieutenant a nasty look seeing him lean in against his captain. "here, Tav"

"Thanks, Si" he groaned, taking a big swallow not caring at the heat. eventually he shrugs, "maybe ah could get price and sheppard to kill each other"

Me:

The room paused at that

The batshit idea was.... Well not as insane as it was intended to be

MacTavish looked up at the silence. "That's a good idea isn't it?" He asked the room at large.

Affirmatives rang around the room and he groaned. "Shit we've been trying to make this more complicated than it had to be haven't we?" He asked and another round of agreements sounded.

"How do we get this to happen? Have him overhear us? Act like it's a secret and drop hints? Leave my office door open with all the information layed out for him to find?" He asked the team.

"Why not all of it sir?" Riley asked his eyes crinkling as a smirk presumably crawled across his face.

They deemed it 'mouse trap' even though which was the mouse in this situation was unclear. They started small with cutting off conversations about it when Price appeared. Then to hiding files when he entered a room.

It progressed to vague explanations that made no sense and finally to the office door being left slightly open one night.

The next morning Price was gone

Az:

roach definately suggests just asking price to deliver something to sheppard just for it to go boom

Me:

They wait impatiently for the news to ring one way or the other. Either way it can't be a loss they know that for sure

Az:

the only reason they veto is because of collateral

the brass are in an uproar but since the 141 have no idea where he went there' not much they can do.

what they do know is where makarov will be in a few days time so they plan for him instead. sheppard need to be in washington that week so it's easy enough to fly under his radar. a little hacking here, some misplace paperwork there, and they're a week earlier than the bastards expect. it's too risky to have men on site when makarov gets there, instead mactavish has them place enough explosvies to level a small town and then they wait.

from a very distant vantage point they confirm makarov has exited his chopper and walked inside. they wait 5 minutes and then blow it sky high. nothing is left, from the parking area to the sewers, it's all slag and detritus.

Me:

The aftermath is mayhem But MacTavish refuses to let them leave until they can confirm he is in fact dead.

It doesn't take much convincing as they get out the dogs and have them search for anyone living as well as pulling out the other stops just in case.

Everything comes up negative. And they all sigh a breath of relief

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in1-nutshell · 20 hours ago

Note

Hello!! (Your way of writing is amazing)Can i request a Batfam Buddy?? They are around Duke's age, they came two years before him. Bruce saw this kid fighting crime, with the name Nightjar, and decided that they would fit well with the rest. Buddy was from crime alley, and they had met the red hood a couple of times, but accepted them as a new vigilante.

After joining the family, Buddy became close with everyone rather quickly, especially with Jason. The other loved this new sibling, but couldn’t understand why they were always close with Jay. They wanted to know.

One day, they made Bruce ask them, because Buddy would probably tell Bruce, they were close with Bruce first and then became close with Jason. Bruce asked them and This kid just said, that it isn’t favouritism, it's just that Jay and i get along very well.

The others decided to let it go for the moment. But later realized that this kid was, in fact, A MINI JASON. They acted like him from time to time, said thing that Jay would say, and had the ability to tell Bruce off without consequences. Dick saw his little wing in this new kid, and out of nowhere began to hug them when they acted too much like Jay Jay.One time Bruce froze when Buddy said something Jason once said to him back in his robin days, he hugged Buddy and told them to kever lose their spark. Buddy didn’t mind the hugs, they adored them.

Mini Jaybird? Mini Jaybird! (And thanks for the compliment!)

Hope you enjoy!

Bat Buddy who is like Jason Todd

SFW, Platonic, Famialal, Human reader

BATFAMILY

Buddy was the next adopted kid Bruce took in before Duke showed up.

2 years to be exact.

Back then Buddy had gone around Gotham as their own vigilante known as Nightjar.

And no, they will not elaborate on why their name sounds so much like Nightwing’s.

Gotham Goons run into a dead end just as Nightjar shows up behind them. Nightjar: “Times up boys. Didn’t anyone tell you stealing was bad.” Goon 1: “Shoot! Its Nightwing!” SLAM! The goon gets hit in the face with a trash lid. Nightjar: “DO I LOOK LIKE HIM!?” Goon 2: “Wait! Wait! Let’s make a deal! If I get your name right, will you let me go?” Nightjar: “… You get one try.” Goon 2 with full confidence: “Jar Jar.” Nightjar: "…” Batman comes in a minute later to see two goons with beaten faces and Nightjar dusting their hands. Nightjar: “Jar Jar… what a—Oh hey Bats!” THWAP! They activated their grappling hook and zipped away. Nightjar: “Bye Bats!”

For a vigilante, Nightjar sure did pack the speed and hiding capabilities as a seasoned hero.

Almost every moment Batman had tried to interact with the small-time vigilante, they always seemed to give him the slip.

Something the others had teased him about.

… Not that they had much better luck.

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin return from patrol. Nightwing: “Sheesh, B wasn’t kidding about them being fast.” Red Robin cracks his back a bit. Red Robin: “Are we sure that they aren’t a speedster?” Robin: “Not fast enough for that Drake.” Red Hood looked at them confused. Red Hood: “So they gave you the slip again?” Nightwing: “Yeah.” Jason: “Ha!” Red Robin: “Oh please, like you can do better.” Red Hood: “I was just with them a few hours ago.” Robin: “No one finds that funny Todd.” Red Hood shrugs and walks off.

Red Hood had in fact been with them earlier.

The vigilante usually worked on some of his old patrol routes when he was Robin.

Both occasionally hanging out on gargoyles and sharing patrol stories.

Jason liked the kid and always offered a midnight snack on slow days.

Nightjar was sitting on their usual gargoyle when Red Hood arrived. They happily waved at him and patted the empty space next to them. He sat down and passed a brown paper bag to them. Nightjar: “What’s on the menu today chef?” Red Hood: “Just some leftover pasta and chicken. Nothing big.” Nightjar was already digging in. Nightjar: “Please anything you cook is godsent man. Wait is that…” They fish out 3 chocolate chip cookies from the bottom of the bag. Nightjar: “Hood!” They wrap an arm around him in a side hug. He just pats their back as they go back to eating. Red Hood: “Be thankful kid, nearly risked my hands getting these cookies.” Nightjar: “Wherever you gets these, complements to the chef! This will last me another week!” Red Hood: “What?” Nightjar: “What?”

As for Batman, he finally managed to talk to Nightjar a few nights later.

Unfortunately, under less than likely circumstances.

The pair had been ambushed by some of Joker and Two faces henchmen.

It took them both to defeat them all and take the two villains to custody.

Nightjar dusting their hands and was ready to zip out of there, but their stomach growled loudly. They hadn’t eaten a full meal in a few days and their stomach ached for some of Red Hood’s food bags. Hopefully no one had spotted the saved bag of cookies back in their box. Batman: “Hungry?” Nightjar: “Kinda, but I’ll be going now. It was fun working with ya Bat—” Batman: “I can get you some food if you like.” Nightjar was about to protest but their stomach growled even louder. A few minutes later… Both were sitting on the hood of the Batmobile eating take out from Batburger. Nightjar was happily eating their burger sitting criss crossed. Batman: “Is there a place where I can drop you off?” Nightjar: “I mean, if your okay with driving by Crime Alley.” Batman: “You live around Crime Alley.” Nightjar: “I live in the alley Bats.” Batman grows concern. Batman: “And your parents? Where are they?” Nightjar laughs bitterly. Nightjar: “Don’t know, if you find them let me know—hey Bats you okay?” Batman: “…” A few more minutes later… The Batmobile stops in the Batcave. The boys come over. Nightwing: “You okay in there B?” Red Robin: “His vital are still fine.” The door opens as Batman exits out. Robin: “Father where have you—” Batman opens the co pilot seat and holds Nightjar from under their arms. Batman: “Nightjar this is the Batcave.” Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: “NIGHTJAR!?” Red Hood has near whiplash seeing his friend practically dangling from Bruce’s hold. Red Hood: “How?!” Alfred ‘already been through this’ Pennyworth: “I have the room ready sir.” Nightjar: “I am so confused right now. Did I just get kidnapped—Hi Hood!” Nightwing: “How do they know you?!” Red Hood: “I already told you I knew them!” Red Robin: “We thought you were being sarcastic!” Robin eyes Nightjar up and down. Robin: “If you want the Robin mantle, you will have to fight me for it.” Nightjar: “Don’t want it short stack. And also, WHAT THE F—”

And that’s how Buddy was adopted into the family.

Of course, they got formally introduced to everyone after finally getting context to what was happening.

Surprisingly when they weren’t running around and hiding, Buddy was a good person to be around.

Somehow worming their way into everyone’s hearts.

Duke arrives to the Batcave. Buddy walks over to him with a smile on their face. Buddy: “Hey there! Your Duke right?” Duke: “Um, yes? How do you know my name?” Buddy waves him off. Buddy: “If anything living with the Bats has taught me is that B is always on the look out for potential recruits or adoptees.” Duke: “Oh no, he isn’t adopting me.” Buddy pats his shoulder. Buddy: “Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that. I know it’s a confusing time and all—” Duke: “He is not adopting me!” A few months and a signed adoption paper later… Duke: “…” Buddy: “… I told—” Duke: “Yeah you told me.” Buddy pats him on the back. Buddy: “Welcome to the family Duke.” Duke smiles at them while giving them a pat as well.

But there was one member of the Batfamily that they were nearly conjoined to the hip since day one.

Jason ‘the Red Hood’ Todd, was the chosen one.

It was speculated at first that it was natural for them to be close to the one person they knew in the manor.

But months later, they still seemed to be Jason’s shadow whenever he was around.

This included patrol, being in the manor, being in his apartment, at the grocery store…

They needed to know.

And it was up to Bruce to ask them thanks to drawing the shortest straw.

His search for the answer was relatively short.

Which being that Buddy plainly stated that they were just close to the white streaked vigilante.

Nothing to do with favoritism or bribery.

They just liked being with him.

This seemed to satisfy the others as they put it to rest.

But the Brick of Reality would soon find its next targets one afternoon in the library.

Bruce and Dick had just walked into the library to collect some extra file covers when they spot Buddy fast asleep on one of the desks. A pile of old books keeping them company and of course Alfred. The older man walks by the two. Alfred: “It seems that Mx. Buddy has been going through the same book catalog young Master Jason did when he first came to the manor.” Dick smiles at his younger sibling snoozing. Dick: “Yeah, they kind of are like a mini Jason.” Reality Brick impact in 3… 2… 1… BAM! Bruce and Dick: “… They are a mini Jason…” Alfred ‘already seen this from day 1’ Pennyworth: “I am happy to see your detective skills are as sharp as ever.”

Dick immediately tells the others about this epiphany while Bruce is still processing this.

Jason doesn’t see the resembles and walks away.

The other haven’t exactly met Jason in his Robin days don’t know what to think.

Instead, they observe from afar.

Low and behold Dick was right.

From mannerisms, sayings, some fighting styles, even how they like their food!

All near carbon copy!

Buddy and Jason don’t see it and just move along.

Buddy has gained the new nickname of “Mini Jaybird”.

Which in all things in consideration it was miles above “Jar Jar”, so they didn’t mind being called that.

Jason didn’t either, in fact it just gave him a reason to call ‘dibs’ on them on any team activity or patrol.

Dick is on patrol with Buddy. Dick: “Bud—Nightjar you need to be more careful with your flips. You’re still healing from the stab wound.” Nightjar just smiles at him. Nightjar: “Not even if I do this!” Nightjar executes one of Dick’s own personal flips with ease. They bounce to their feet and go up to him. Nightjar: “See! I did it! I am unstoppable!” Dick just sees a smaller Jason cheering for his accomplishments. Nightjar: “Yeah! I—” They were interrupted by Dick hugging them tightly. Nightjar: “Nightwing? Dick you okay?” Nightwing: “I’m fine… Just… I’m fine mini jaybird…” Buddy decides not to ask about the tremble and just hugs him back. Later that same night in the Batcave… Bruce is helping Buddy with their dodging. Buddy ducks under one punch. Buddy: “Ha! You’re going to have to hit faster than that B.” Bruce continues on without a word. Buddy laughs as they dodge another hit. Buddy: “Try and catch me you big boob!” Bruce suddenly freezes up. Buddy looks at him worried. Buddy: “Bruce? Hey, I know that the phrase is a bit outdated but if it offends you—” Bruce isn’t listening as he is only seeing a small Jason from Crime Alley. Those were some of the first words he had ever said to him on the night he tried to steal the Batmobile’s tires. Buddy: “—And I’ll make sure to never do that again.” Bruce puts a hand on their shoulder making them stop their little ramble. Bruce: “Don’t you ever loose that spark Buddy. No matter what happens.” Buddy: “… Umm, okay? B are you sure you don’t need some sleep? I just called you a—huh?!” Bruce had brought them into a tight hug. Buddy, while confused, returns the gesture. It wasn’t everyday the Batman was giving out hugs so they were going to cherish any opportunity they got.

#dc #dc comics #batfamily #batfamily x platonic reader #batfamily x reader #human buddy #bat buddy

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timetravelstudies · 5 months ago

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enough about led zeppelin depravity. lets talk about led zeppelin cringe. led zeppelin malibu mansion of misery. led zeppelin implied threesome with janis. led zeppelin renfaire palanquin. led zeppelin loser nerdom. led zeppelin impromptu airport lounge jam session with the fiji police choir. led zeppelin poppers at the afterparty. etcetc

#so many interesting and funny things PLUS plenty of shitty things that they actually did do #but no everyones always going on about the fish #lz

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rogloptimist · 14 days ago

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“it’s hard not to react” “it takes two to tango” = IMMEDIATE alarm bells right. this is what “where there’s smoke there’s fire” is like for remco/primož to me

#if i’m being for real it makes no sense compared to the other two but that flobikes interview changed my brain forever honestly #not for pogrog reasons (youtube title did scam me) but omg they made him talk about remco….#idk the casual dismissal innately roped into the acknowledgement kinda does it for me #they’re the two out of the big 4 that are kind of the outsiders right #if primož hadn’t crashed out everyone presumed it would be him and remco battling it out for 3rd in this tdf #it’s like they always have bigger fish to fry (tadejonas) but they’re being forced into each other’s paths by circumstance #they’re truly not the focus of each other’s goals/career scopes but by nature of the world they exist in they kind of have to be #anyways if radical rogloptimism pays off we’re going to have an amazing year everyone trust and believe #ficspo

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leatherbookmark · 29 days ago

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Huh... just connected the dots between my soul-crushing shame and inability to imagine myself "carelessly having fun" without feeling a Heavy Judging Gaze That Thinks I'm Such A Funny Stupid Little Baby on myself and like... my parents finding it the funniest thing in the world, worth bringing up over and over despite my discomfort, that I used to bob funnily to the music as a toddler

#basically I seem to like... react v strongly to being told that my body and the way I use it is somehow inherently hilarious #there have been cases where people would take photos of me when I wasn't paying attention and was making a HILARIOUS pose #and they'd either show it to me or reupload them on group chats like look how fucking funny! and i'd go awhhh come on guys :< like u do #but internally i'd be like WHAT the fuck is wrong with me that i'm the only person getting this treatment #basically i just. seem to be inherently cringefail no matter what I do and instead of rolling with it like a normal person would i am inste #*instead very sensitive about being perceived as a funny pathetic moron. and i do imprint on similar characters which means I always #end up internally tormented when 99% of the fandom is pissing their pants laughing over how incredibly hilarious this wannabe cool #(but actually incurably pathetic) this (character I can relate to) is. its this like. inability of achieving physical dignity? okay this is #nothing but basically. the emotional anguish of being aware that you might think you're doing normal things and moving normally #but unbeknownst to you (and very well knownst to everyone else) you're wearing squeaky fish-shaped slippers with a long piece of #toilet paper trailing after each one AND slipping on banana peels at the same time #no matter if i dance silly style together with friends OR try to look cool and sexy there's this huge Eye constantly present at the back of #my mind that coos about how cute and funny i am half of the time. and laugh uproariously the other half #which is why: i don't dance + cover my mouth while smiling + happiness is for other people #shrimp thoughts #it's wild how fucked up brains can get. I'd love to have realized this like a decade earlier so that I could have a semblance of a chance #at maturing emotionally into something at least roughly resembling a functional adult but ohhhhhh welllllllllllll

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termagax · 6 months ago

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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.

#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean #so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him #a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww #i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now #but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting #so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3 #and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that #so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it #anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of #doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes #all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups #(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really #tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze #i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time #but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it #will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy #would be. and i cant do that for him #again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go #'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad #ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not #because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience #to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever #because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it #^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows #idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster #about it and i want it so bad

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fingertipsmp3 · 3 months ago

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I’m always so fascinated by people’s bad roommate stories. I’m not sure I’ll ever live with someone I haven’t vetted extensively beforehand ever again

#every living situation where i’ve been assigned roommates randomly; i always seem to get one person who is an absolute angel #and 1-2 people who are honestly fucked up #i lived in halls 1 year of undergrad and everyone was kind of equally insane. honestly no one stood out as particularly bad #because everyone was just constantly screaming. i dealt with it by going home most weekends and getting noise cancelling headphones #3rd year of undergrad i lived in a suite which.. honestly was basically an apartment. had a living room/kitchenette; a toilet; a shower room #and 4 bedrooms #one of my roommates i’m still friends with to this day but honestly they were and are kind of a ridiculous person #like they were actively dealing drugs most of the year and their boyfriend was around most of the time and they would bone LOUDLY #and that’s the good roommate. so you can imagine the other two #one of the others.. honestly wasn’t a bad roommate; she was helpful and clean and civil #she was loud as hell though. she used to have attacks of insomnia and decide to rearrange her furniture at 3 in the morning #and we shared a wall. she also had an illegal pet rabbit.#our personalities just didn’t mesh well; like it became clear pretty fast that we were going to spend as little time together as possible #third roommate was loud; rude; annoying and gross. she’d be calling people at 7am just to yell down the phone to them about her problems #i was like who is picking up the phone to this bitch. she also picked up on my homosexual vibes in that way that homophobic straight girls #always seem to have; and was convinced i had a crush on her. and she bought a betta fish (allowed according to dorm rules) and then it died #because she didn’t want to take care of it properly. and she refused to do anything for herself #like she was always breaking shit and leaving it because she didn’t want to email or call maintenance. so then i’d have to do it #because it was always something we specifically shared. like a set of shelves she put a fucking 5lb shampoo bottle on. twice.#in grad school it was almost the same thing. one angel roommate who was kind of messy but otherwise fantastic #she rolled the best joints i have ever seen. and i still miss her cat cali #it was the men that were the problem. one was an international student who left after a month and bothered nobody #like to the point i didn’t notice when he moved out because he was so innocuous #the other two though….. so one of them started hooking up with my favourite roommate and immediately became SUPER annoying #the other one stole shit; left lights on all the time; left fridge and cupboard and freezer doors open; tried to guilt trip me #into giving him my weed; played mariah carey at 2am; never bought a single cleaning product or household item for the collective #unless you told him to…… he was even using my toothpaste at one point. like. sir.#oh and he was always dirtying other people’s dishes and cookware and leaving them in the sink for days. and leaving big chunks of food #in the sink. it was fucking gross #personal

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theheadlessgroom · 2 years ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/beatingheart-bride/718072610968289280/beatingheart-bride-theheadlessgroom

@beatingheart-bride

When Emily awoke, it was June who first greeted her with a big plate of fish, knowing she would no doubt be hungry when she rose from the waters: As pleased as she was to know their guest was getting her strength back (to say nothing of her surprise to learn that Emily could be out of the water, even if it might only be for a short amount of time), she also didn’t want her overexerting herself, and hoped this midnight walk didn’t exacerbate her injuries.

“Randall is out at the moment,” she explained, as she passed Emily the plate before taking a seat on the stool beside the tub, clasping her hands together as she continued, “He said something about going to the farmer’s market and picking up some flowers to brighten this place up a little more...something about roses?”

She and Wilhelm did not miss the spring in their son’s step when he got up that morning: Although he was disappointed to see that Emily was still asleep when he awoke, it didn’t completely dampen his spirits as he went about his morning routine, dishing himself up some coffee and breakfast with a smile, a smile that didn’t fade as he ate and gazed out the kitchen window, even humming cheerfully as he washed up afterwards. The Pace parents knew he loved and savored his weekends whenever he got them, but they had never seen him so cheery on his time off...

“What do you think?” June had asked her husband, moving to refill her coffee mug as their son headed upstairs to get dressed before he headed into town. At this question, Wilhelm had simply smiled back, saying with a chuckle, “I think our boy’s in love. And judging by his mood today...I think it’s safe to say the feeling is mutual.”

#((oh he's gonna want to rave SO BADLY about the beautiful siren he's going steady with! he's gonna have to resist the urge SO HARD))#((he's gonna be out in town completely lovesick; it'll be like when june was pregnant and wilhelm just absolutely could not resist))#((enthusing to everyone he met about the fact that he was about to become a dad! complete goobers; the both of them!))#((there's a wonderful chapter in 'the shape of water' novelization in which elissa goes shopping for meat/fish for the asset))#((and she is just on cloud-nine; she's seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses; she feels more confident and comfortable while out))#((like she is so so in love and happy and i feel like it'd be randall while he's out; he's also thinking of emily as he does his shopping))#((and although he can't quite enthuse about her to those around him that won't at all stop him from being giddy anyways!))#((siren; human; or otherwise; randall always love emily; just as she always loves him!))#outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Part of Your World

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slimyenemy · 1 day ago

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yeah and like i even care about all that i just had a loml crush on them and wanted to be friends with them online

#wasn't me who thought i'm so cute i should be married or something immediately c:#and first impressions mean everything in this world so #ooops got exploded #i have cats and responsibilities chat they're not going anywhere #anyway #if you're trying to help in some way you're ✨helping✨ and *not* trying to take advantage of my horrors for no reason and put me in a >>#>> dissociative non functional state and hurt me all day every day it's as simple as that #and again the purpose of a system is what it does if you think you're too nice and normal for such a thing🐱#yeah no i'm not horrible at all🥱#you're just being extremely violent and don't even fully comprehend how and in what ways exactly #don't like stalk math anymore please i'm tired #yeah and i don't even know what you mean!#you obsessed freaking cultists always make up some weird insane shit out of my posts and retweets when you have nothing better to do #nothing i can do about it even when i try my best so just leave me alone i don't care about this nonsense #everyone in the cult is a bigger clown than i am any day anyway just usually way more boring about it try getting mad at yourself instead #:\#posting in terms of numbers is really like #just seeing pretty cool funny things you really like that make you feel things #and then choosing the math out of them that would make either *me* which is important or someone else *the least* sick #but just that because it's all really bad and weird and can mean just about anything when put into these stupid contexts #tf do you want from me exactly -_-#i should private almost everything related to this probably all you people do is kill the vibe and be nasty about every little thing #talk to your cultists about this shit maybe not me #not responding anymore🖕#not even just choosing the least sick you know i generally sometimes just don't feel like being stuck and retweeting anything much at all #and you all just react to any random math that just happens anyway #annoying af #OI OMEDETO👏#need to do this wifi thing fr though #no i'm not talking about any fish literally ever stop saying that you're just freaking me out like hell all the time -_-

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followerofmercy · 3 months ago

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Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide

This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.

How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:

The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours

It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people

Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.

Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.

Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)

The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.

It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*

If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people

So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.

Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit

Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen

Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **

General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.

Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something

Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill

* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them

** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone

Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty

#daily life with mercy #advice #autism #social skills

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