#but my mother was like ���i mean you never did anything like this in the past idk why would you start now” and wanted to show me a picture
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“stay soft”
Roman Roy x Fem. Reader
Rating E (Smut)
Word Count: 3.3k
AO3 Link
WARNINGS:
Mommy kink, smut, some plot, this man has MOMMY ISSUES™️, gentle femdom, titplay, breast sucking, so much dirty talk, Roman gets called “baby” a lot, no PIV, no uses of Y/N
Author's Notes:
The people have spoken—y’all want Roman being fucking babied in bed so that’s what the fuck I did and I have zero regrets. Totally gave up in the end but school’s been incredibly draining for me so I’m proud of myself for even getting THIS out.
[Gif creds: I forget. if it’s yours, lemme know!!]
Summary:
You are an equally wealthy childhood friend of the Roys and Roman in particular. After years of little to no contact with him, he and you decide to finally act on the mutual attraction you both share in the most ‘Roman way’ you can think of.
“Okay, but like if we…fuckin’...if we fuckin’ do this, I will want…some things. But I’m not g’na fuckin’ beg or anything…call you mommy, ‘goo goo ga ga’…none of that shit. I will want you…to be there…and I will want you to ‘not be there’...if you catch my drift. I-I don’t wanna hear a fuckin’ word or a single moan. I don’t want—I just don’t want it, okay. And this might sound bad—even though I’ve definitely said worse—but you would be just a-a means for me,” a voicemail blears in your ear as you are made aware of the four calls you missed in your slumber, “‘Kay? I dunno. Think it over. It’s not fuckin’ life or death. Until it is. And I kill you. And hide the body and burn the evidence…kidding! ‘Kay, love you, kidding, ‘kay, bye!”
This was uncharted territory for you both.
You and Roman and the other Roy children were longtime family friends. Like Stewy Hosseni or a lesser example Ray Kennedy. What that meant was your incredibly loaded dad gave Logan Roy an ungodly sum of money in the nineties and had managed to stay on his good side ever since. At their status, that’s what qualified as ‘friendship’. Everything was a transaction at the end of the day. Like you suspected Logan and Caroline had bought their way into their kids’ hearts, to even be in the same room as these titans—to breathe the same air—you had to beg, steal, or borrow. Fortunately, you hailed from less-than-humble beginnings; your father being an incredibly successful venture capitalist-turned-philanthropist and your mother the heiress of a billion-dollar publishing company.
But it was all just details.
You were eternally grateful to be an only child, imagining an existence where you and your progeny were destined to forever claw at each other's throats—all for whatever scraps your parents were generous enough to leave you.
Unfortunate. ‘Pitiful’ felt more accurate. Every hollow soiree and vapid function served as a reminder. These were not your people. And they never would be. And yet—
“Heya! Well, you look less miserable than usual. Lemme guess, you finally ditched Loser What’s-His-Face and have taken up my longstanding advice of giving lesbianism a try,”
“Hi, Roman. No, I’ve actually been reminiscing about our younger years together. Remember the time you threw up in your mouth before presenting me my corsage the night of the winter formal? Seventh grade? Ring a bell?”
“That was because it only dawned upon me then that I would be getting Cody Keener’s sloppy seconds,” he answers, “I just couldn’t cope with that, I’m sorry,”
You slug him in the arm and he reacts overdramatically, as if someone stuck him with the pointy end of a knife. Onlookers included none other than Frank Vernon, Hugo Baker, and a close friend of your mom’s, Michelle Anne. This time, you and Roman had crossed paths at your father’s 70th birthday party. It was held at your parents’ penthouse on the Upper East Side and attracted a decent crowd. Faces you’d sworn you met pass you by as strangers come up to you, recounting memories of you who were only this tall. It was always a discombobulating experience but you continued to frolic and mingle nonetheless.
In truth, this little ‘reunion’ was nothing but a facade.
You and Roman had been talking for weeks now after years of no contact with one another. Brief texts turned into prolonged phone calls which by the end of the night became one-sided, pathetic voicemails expressing some sort of yearning for the other. It was becoming all-consuming and quite frankly, exhausting. And now it had finally come to blows.
There was a plan, there were contingencies (of course, there were) but above all—there was transparency. And that was something you could hold onto. Oh, the many men who lied their way into your bed. And then here comes Roman, who’d made it abundantly clear he’d rather inhale glass than have you worm your way into his. So this scheme would not transpire at his place or yours.
It would be occurring in a Central Park Suite at The Carlyle—just a quick jaunt from your parents’ place. He deigned to be a gentleman and handled the reservations as well as your transportation because you had to already be there. You were going to be lying on the bed, in some satiny sleepwear. No lingerie, no hosiery—nothing that could be construed as ‘sexy’. You were to look mundane, average, and bored.
Roman would enter and you would be still and let him do as he pleased. While you’d had this endeavor nailed to a T, you’d be lying if you said the prospect of him going off-script—doing things rougher, harder, doors off the hinges, letting his darker impulses get the better of him—didn’t make your knees buckle a bit.
So once the candles had been blown, the birthday wishes made, and goodbyes were said—you were to slide into his black Range Rover SV while his secondary chauffeur Crispin brought you to your destination. In your duffel was your change of clothes and a few other goodies. It had crossed your mind—once, twice how exceedingly easy it would be to bail right about now. Crispin could drop you off on the side of the road like some floozy and then your personal chauffeur could pick you up and drive you back to your cozy brownstone for a mundane evening spent by yourself—alone. That was the part that struck a pang in your stomach. That was the truly unbearable part. That, and the heat between your thighs which was starting to become really inconvenient.
…
Now was not the time to get cold feet.
You had already slid your sequin cocktail dress off and exchanged it for your satin sleepwear. Like the pretty kept thing he’d instructed you to be, you lay flat across the plush hotel mattress, awaiting his arrival, legs swinging to and fro like an eager teenage girl.
Maybe he’d be the one to pussy out.
At least then you’d have yet another thing to hold over his head for the foreseeable future. In your phone’s front-facing camera, you inspected the makeup you’d done earlier that evening for the party and it still seemed sufficient. Your lips seemed a bit drab. You roll off the bed and I sift through the contents of your bag, searching for the mauve lip color you’d brought along. Dabbing it onto the purse of your mouth while gazing into the mirror of the room’s modest vanity—you begin to lose track.
This isn’t it and you know it.
You know it.
So fucking do something about it.
Examining the time on the wall clock, you decide to hastily shake off your striped satin pj set and tear through your duffel for the sheer lace slip and matching long gloves. Not liking the unkemptness of your long hair at this particular moment, you palm your bag for one of the chignon French hairpins that had sunk their way to the bottom—a go-to for you since your younger years. The best you can muster is a half-up, loose, more-than-messy low bun because suddenly, a knock on the door can be heard. Your heart leaps into your throat and you shove your duffel bag into the armoire in a hurried panic. The click of the hotel room’s keycard lock comes next and you spring to the door as to be the one to open it. You and Roman meet each other’s gaze through the crack of the half-open door, you two beam down at your hands, enclosed over both sides of the handle. He is very noticeably startled, not expecting you to answer the door.
“C-Come on in,” you stutter, gesturing into the hotel suite with a gloved hand.
Roman’s mouth goes dry. It is not all that often the family jester is able to be truly caught off-guard. This absolutely was one of those times. He shuffles into the room with tepid steps and doesn’t turn around to face you until he hears the door click shut. With a blank, nonchalant expression—he shrugs, prompting you to provide some sort of explanation. Of which, you do not possess.
“What?” you say.
“What’s…all of that about?”
“Yeah, sorry…wasn’t really feeling the pajamas tonight. I opted for something I felt was a little more fitting. You don’t mind, do you?”
“No,”
He definitely fucking does mind actually. But any frustration at being caught unawares expresses itself in the form of big beautiful hazel eyes beaming at you with fear and uncertainty. His lips are parted, unable to form the words he can’t even begin to think of at this particular moment.
“So…,”
“...so…?”
“So…lay down,” you finally say.
Roman is able to briefly channel the smarmy assholeishness he usually hones with a sarcastic scoff and smirk. He shakes his head to himself before his gaze finds the floor.
“...I’m sorry, maybe you just didn’t hear me right the first time,” you say, crossing over until you are eye-to-eye with him and your competing breaths can be felt, “...or maybe I should’ve been a bit more specific.”
You lean in until your lips brush the outer shell of his right ear and he stops breathing.
“Roman. Lay the fuck down on that bed. Now.”
He quickly scrambles onto the bed, resting on his back while slightly sitting up. There is a tentative eagerness in his demeanor as if the last hints of resistance in his muscles had yet to dissipate.
“Good. Now can you unbutton your shirt by yourself or do you need my help?”
“...I-I-I need your help,” he mindlessly babbles, “P-Please. Please, can you help me?”
You click your tongue at his wanton request, attempting to maintain your composure. It was after the first ‘please’ that you knew you were going to willingly give everything in you to this man right then and there.
The safeguards? Fuck the safeguards.
The time for self-preservation was about five or so minutes ago before his knuckles had rapped gently on the heavy wooden door. Without breaking eye contact, you straddle him effortlessly, both knees on either side of his hips. You aren’t certain because all the blood had flooded to your ears and you were unable to hear much over the thumping of your own heartbeat but you swear you hear a quiet ‘oh god’ slip out of him. Your fingers find the buttons on his grey button-down and your wrists noticeably begin to shake as they undo them.
For fuck’s sake.
Up until this point, you had conjured the impression that you were the one in control here and that there was nothing he could say or do otherwise. But now the true vulnerability of the situation had begun to set in. The playing field had been leveled.
His fingers enrapture yours and he steadies your grasp as you both work to unbutton his shirt. Roman swallows, anxiously. You get more than half of the way there before he gives up and presses his face firmly to yours.
It’s a declarative kiss.
It’s long-lasting and when the two of you eventually break it—you know there’s no going back. Those hands of his, wracked with nerves, find their way to your hips. He slowly drags the lacey fabric up so your upper thighs are exposed. Once you can feel the soft flesh of your hips exposed to the cold air, you grab his wrists and he freezes.
“Ah-ah-ah, I don’t think I remember saying you could do that,”
“I-I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t—I’m sorry,”
“So many apologies, they just keep on coming,”
“I’m…,” he deeply exhales out of his nose.
“You’re what? Wait, lemme guess,” you goad, “Sorry?”
He bobs his head up and down, face full of embarrassment.
“Hm…think I’m a little sick and tired of those ‘sorrys’, sweetie. You and that mouth of yours. Oh, that fuckin’ mouth of yours. You couldn’t even begin to imagine the amount of headaches it’s caused me in what, the two decades I’ve known you? What are we gonna finally do about that mouth?”
Roman looks up to you, hanging onto your every last word.
“I-I don’t know, j-just tell me what to do. I can make it up to you, I-I promise,”
You genuinely take a moment to mull it over, though the growing hardness pressing against your most intimate place admittedly was making it hard to think.
“...I think…we need to find another use for that mouth of yours—something to keep it busy, hm? How does that sound, my sweet baby?”
You swear his face goes pale as he assumes you mean your cunt. While the thought had crossed your mind (many, many times in fact), knowing Roman—you know that would be too much. And that you would lose him forever somewhere along the way and you didn’t even want to begin to think about that.
You tilt your head, staring longingly at that poor little boyish face of his. Your clothed index finger traces its way slowly from the exposed flesh of his tummy, up to his ribs, across his collarbone, along his Adam’s apple, over his bearded chin— finally stopping at his pinkish bottom lip. You pull it down, making him pout for you.
“Open for me,” you utter softly.
Roman obeys, his tongue moving upwards in his mouth when he swallows. You continue to tease around his mouth torturously, the lace creating a delicious friction against his beard. The heat of his pants against your lone finger makes you stir inside.
“Now, close your eyes—mouth still open,”
He noticeably resists before relenting, his eyes flutter closed. You drop one of the spaghetti straps of the slip off of your shoulder, exposing yourself. Your nipple pebbles in the cool air conditioning of the room. You awkwardly lean your torso inwards, inching your breast closer to his mouth. For a brief second, his eyes flick open, taking in the scene. Catching your drift instantly, he swallows as much of the soft flesh as his mouth will allow, moaning into it. The most obscene sucking sounds soon fill the room. Roman whimpers into your skin, letting his head fall limp against your chest. You wrap your arms around his neck, cradling his head. His brown fluff of hair is too tempting for your hands to not tangle themselves in.
“There, you go…you’re so good. You’re so good for me, aren’t you? Yeah?” you sigh, tilting your head backward.
You swear you can feel your hips gyrating on their own. Roman’s fingers have ensnared themselves onto the flimsy fabric of your slip, gripping it so tight you think it might tear. Not that you’d give a shit if it did.
“Y’know what I think? I think you act the way you do all the fucking time because you’re just waiting for someone to come and put you in your place, is that right? Yeah? You’re a brat ‘cause you want someone to do this to you? Hm?”
He releases your nipple and an almost pornographic line of spit drools from his mouth. Roman’s lips are plump and rosy, kiss-bruised and swollen. You find out just how warm they’ve become when his wet mouth comes to meet your own in a kiss so messy, you know you’ll touch yourself thinking about it later.
“I-Is this good? A-Am I being a good boy for you?”
“Mm-hm, you’re being a very good boy for me. My good boy. Mommy’s good boy, right?”
“Yes, fuck, yes—” he sobs, moving onto your other breast.
His voice is shrill and wrought with desperation. You only ever heard it get this high-pitched when he was making a mocking impression of you or some other woman. And now here he was, making these noises all on his own. The edge of his bottom teeth catches your nipple in just the right away. You squeal, jolting upwards in his lap and laughing at the surprise sensation. He soothes the sensitive skin with the flat of his tongue immediately after.
“That’s it. There’s my boy, there’s my sweet baby boy,”
All of the sudden, his hands leave your slip and fly to the buckle of his belt. Roman undoes his zipper and shimmies down his slacks enough to pull his dick out. He jerks it quickly with his eyes wound tightly shut in an attempt to get himself completely hard.
“M-Mommy, c-can I see ‘it’? P-Please, god!” Roman begs out.
Your current position leaves his cock hidden by the hem of your slip. All you can see is the silhouette of his fist in the fabric pumping up and down speedily—relentlessly. He could easily just lift the skirt himself and look at your bare pussy, just as he hungrily wants but he doesn’t.
He waits. He waits for you to give him permission.
“See what, sweet boy? Say it, use your words for me. You’re a big boy, you can do it. I know you can,”
Your hands cup his face and you rest your forehead on his. The skin is taught and slick with sweat. A vein above his brow becomes visible as he strains into his own palm.
“What do you want, Roman?” you reiterate, trying to regain his attention.
“Fff-fuck! Your p-pussy, I wanna see y-your pussy!”
“All together. Say it all together. Say ‘Mommy, can I please see your pretty pussy?’”
“Mommy, can I please see your pretty pussy?”
His eyes finally open and they aim downwards, expectantly.
“Is that all you want, pretty boy?”
“N-N-yes!”
“Is that all you want?”
“No! No, I wanna cum, I-I wanna f-f-finish! W-Wanna finish on it,” he whines.
“All together, baby…”
“Mommy, can I please finish on your pretty pussy?! Please!”
It’s on the last syllable of his sentence that he erupts. Only as he’s cumming is he able to look at your cunt. You swiftly move the fabric up and his load catches the edge of it, the rest of it coating your exposed pussy. Roman falls backwards limp onto the pillow and you roll off of him and the bed and onto your jelly-like legs. The two of you don’t look at each other, occupying opposite sides of the room while you make yourselves decent. You shed your stained garment, using it to wipe your cunt clean. You fling it onto the hotel carpet and don’t think twice about it.
“Mind if I…borrow that…for a bit?” a weak voice croaks from across the suite.
You turn your head and smirk, still topless.
“All yours.”
Briefly, you catch a glimpse of Roman from behind, buttoning up his shirt. You pull up your dress, sweatier than before when you had taken it off. You expected there to be a palpable shift between the two of you, had everything gone according to plan. You figured the next RECNY ball that was just around the corner might be a bit awkward but it was nothing a few sarcastic quips and some alcohol couldn’t fix.
“My guy’s still waiting out front, so that’s my not-so-stealthy getaway. I can have Crispin pull around in twenty if I guess, I dunno, you wanted to shower the stank off of y…”
Roman’s words trail off as he becomes caught up in the sight of you; your cocktail dress zipped up halfway, your hair in an even messier updo than before, one heel on with the other remaining to be seen. It left him dumbfounded, feeling impulsive, like he could leave everything behind then and there and things might turn out alright.
“Um…d’you maybe wanna just come with me…I dunno. Back at my place, I mean. And don’t make it into…it’s not a thing. Th-This is not a thing. But, yeah, we could order in whatever you, you could stay over, I-I got spare rooms–”
“Roman—”
“—it-its not like a big deal or anything, y’know? This isn’t, this wasn’t ‘a thing’. Fuckin’ labels and everything, I m—”
“Roman! That all sounds fine; I just would like to exit one of the nicest hotels in the damn city not looking like a two-bit whore, yeah? Come and zip me up,”
“I mean, if you ask me—I think it’s a rather fitting look,” he says, echoing your previous words.
“ROMAN!”
“Alright, fuck, fine!”
End.
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HIII SNOWFLAKE i’ve never requested anything b4 but your writing is just too good shdjsbs😵💫. anyway my request is stepdad!adam x fem!reader. he hears his name from her room and so obviously he goes to check up on reader….and is pleasantly surprised to see that GASP!! his sweet little stepdaughter touches herself to the thought of him??? adam is willing to help her out but the guilt he feels is sickening. ILY YOUR WRITING!!!
JDHCJJDJDN I LOVE YOU COSMII MUAH!! since i unfortunately don’t write for specifically fem!reader, i’ll be making the reader gn BUT they’ll be an AFAB :P
i had so much deranged fun writing this btw <33 KEEP YOUR REQUESTS COMING PRETTY PLEASE!! :3
CW: Dead Dove Content, Incest
don’t like, don’t interact! thank you! ❤︎︎
wordcount: 2.4k (i’m insane.)
reader is referred to as; kiddo, kid, honey, babydoll, love bug <3
NSFW, 18+ ★
why did men have to be so fucking stupid?
okay, to be fair, it wasn’t men specifically, it was boys. boys on your college campus.
they didn’t see your worth.
your mother always encouraged you, and gently told you how lucky you were for your looks. but it didn’t really help your self-esteem when your bio dad left. even with your mom assuring you it wasn’t your fault.. a small part of you felt guilty, even after it had been near a decade.
Adam started as a family friend.
he’d come to all of your birthday parties, family gatherings, and more. if only you had known what a scumbag he was..
the real reason why your dad left was because Adam’s dick was just too. damn. good.
he had walked in, and she was getting railed from behind, right on the kitchen table, where your poor dad had spent countless hours doing your math homework with you.
“suck it, cuck!”
Adam laughed, his sharp canines glinting, landing a powerful hand on your mother’s behind.
mother like her own kiddo, eh?
she remarried to Adam only six months after his leaving. you didn’t mind as time passed. you liked Adam; you enjoyed his company, and he often gave you whatever you wanted since he was loaded with money. he had paid your college tuition in full, aiding you to not have any student debt.
Adam had watched you grow ever since you were just nine. but ten years can make someone develop quite a bit.
he had remembered your first period, and that was when he had first gotten the sick twisting in his gut. what the fuck? when Pinocchio was starting to appear, the sickness turned to guilt. how the fuck could he see his little love bug in such a light?
the guilt slowly became carnal.
if there was a field of strawberries, with a ten foot tall fence.. he’d climb it if he was hungry enough.
one night, Adam came to your room, wanting to talk to you. but he heard the faintest sound of ruffling..
it sounded like your bed.
Adam’s first thoughts went to there being a boy in your bed. his fists clenched at his sides reflexively, and he could feel his jaw clenching. swallowing, Adam decided to put his ear to the door. fuck, he felt like such a pervert, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, right?? i mean, he could be killing puppies, or-
“fuck, Adam..!”
wait..
did his sweet little love bug just call out his name?
Adam had to stabilize himself, a hand on the door, taking deep breaths, trying to make sure he was in reality and not some cruel dream.
“Adam, daddy.. please,”
he heard your breathy tone, and a soft, faint buzzing coming from your room. Adam bit his lip, a hand sneaking down to gently palm at his growing bulge. he had to stifle a groan through the flesh of his lips, nearly drawing blood. fuuuuckkk..
your noises, the activity you were doing.. you were the most prized, yet most forbidden fruit to ever exist. and boy did he want to sink his teeth into it, feel the juices drip down his chin, as if it were a summer’s peach. he knew you were still a virgin. anytime you would get a date, Adam would sabotage, your date somehow falling ill, or (literally) falling. sometimes it would get so bad to the point where Adam would scare you from going out with other boys.
he had been plotting. he was greedy. Adam was a selfish, sick, twisted man.. but who wouldn’t want their little beloved baby to themselves? isn’t it what every dad wants? to be connected with their kiddo in every way possible?
Adam turned away, fearful, and not wanting to startle you. he’d take care of himself.. you were just exploring. he’d help you out some other time, maybe when the guilt didn’t make him want to throw up, or when he knew that you weren’t a scsry resemblance of your blessed mother.
the world was cruel. the devil would somehow catch up to you, and for Adam, it was making him fall in love with his wife’s flesh and blood.
the next morning, Adam made you some childhood pancakes.
“gee, i haven’t had these in forever,”
you said, happily digging into the pancakes with chocolate chips in them.
“only the best for my beloved love bug.”
Adam said, warmly patting your head and kissing your forehead.
after eating, you grabbed your bag. Adam stopped drinking his coffee and set his book down, glasses against his nose.
“where you headed, lovebug?”
“oh, this guy invited me to go bowling.”
Adam checked his watch.
“.. at 9 o’clock in the morning?”
he asked, quirking a brow in suspicion.
“well, yeah. they open soon, and we wanna get there early since it’s a Sunday.”
oh! of course Adam was having fucked thoughts about his kid on the holiest day of the week!!
“oh, uh.. yeah, of course,”
Adam grunted, trying to hide his sheepish grin.
“y’know, this ol’ man gets lonely, with you being gone so much.”
Adam said, scratching his stubble. it made you weaken, your smile widening as you came over to him. just like when you were a kid, you climbed into his lap, sitting there at the kitchen table.
“daddy, i’ll never be too old to let you go. i swear on it. it’s just a date! i’ll be okay, i promise.”
you said.
‘but you won’t be okay.. you need me.’
Adam’s thoughts were getting clouded with hunger again. but he hid it well, smiling as he kissed your cheek. once, then twice, then the third time on your forehead, making you giggle and squeal.
“okay, kiddo.. just be careful.”
he hummed, golden eyes full of adoration.
oh, he was fucked. your date.
“my parents won’t be home for hours,”
your date panted, pulling his shirt over his head.
“sweet..”
you said, already a little apprehensive.
he noticed this. his name was Mike, you remembered.
“hey, what’s the matter? we doing this or what?”
Mike asked, looking you up and down.
clearly, when Mike had taken you bowling, the real bowling had only lasted thirty minutes..
but who can say no to a free hookup?
snapping out of your daze, you nodded quickly.
“yeah! just.. let’s do it,”
you muttered. Mike climbed on top of you, and you ran your hands through his black locks, kissing him. it felt so fake. it was as if Mike was made of artificial sweeteners with a dash of Steevia.
“ow-! fucker, clip your nails!”
your barked when Mike tried to finger you bone dry.
“well it’s not my fault! you’re not even wet!”
he argued back.
“because you went straight to my pants! you’ve gotta warm up,”
you said, pouring. Mike scoffed and threw back on his shirt.
“thanks, bitch. my boner’s completely gone..”
oh, so now it was your fault! great!
“whatever. see ya, Mike,”
you said, grabbing your jacket and zipping your pants back up, leaving out the door.
Adam’s car was already outside of Mike’s apartment.
you didn’t even question why or how Adam was there. the second you got in the car, you began to sob. Adam held you, gently cooing and shushing you, attempting to soothe you.
“shh.. what happened, lovebug? talk to me,”
you couldn’t even stammer out the words. all you could do was shake your head, tears of frustration and shame in your eyes.
“i wanna go home..”
you blubbered, feeling Adam’s thumbs tenderly brush away your tears. he pressed soft kisses all over your face, letting his lips linger when they were just a few centimeter from your plush lips.
“of course. anything for you, kiddo.”
Adam had the radio on, and you were curled up in the passenger seat. you were pissed. primarily at Mike, but also your own foolishness. why couldn’t you get aroused with Mike? it was making you feel guilty and gross.
“when we get home, you tell me what you want for dinner, okay? your mom is going to be home late, so we can have whatever you want.”
Adam said, a hand gently going to your knee.
you looked at him. just the touch of Adam, his large hand nearly taking up half of your thigh.. fuck.
then your heart began to race, gears twitching and flicking in your brain. this was your step dad! you weren’t supposed to think of him like this? he had taken care of both you and your mother for the last good portion of your life, and the one way your mind wanted to repay him was through grotesque deeds?
“babydoll? you in there?”
Adam asked, gaining your attention once more.
your eyes blinked a few times, the dissociation ending.
“i asked whataya want for dinner, but your mind seems somewhere else.”
he chuckled, smirking. you blushed and began to stammer, but Adam cut you off, his grip on your thigh tightening.
“that boy.. he didn’t hurt you none, did he?”
Adam asked, nearly growling.
“because i swear to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, if that son of a bitch did anything to you-“
“no! he didn’t do anything, dad!”
you gasped out, squirming. his nails were digging into your pants, almost tearing the fabric.
you stayed in bed for the first hour of being home, curled up and crying. you seriously thought it was your fault, not the fact that Mike was an asshole.
needing relief, you reached into your bedside drawer.
it was a simple magic wand vibrator. not too big or bulky; but bright pink with rhinestones on the handle, making it pretty easy to figure out what it was to any adult eye.
before you could turn it on Adam was knocking on your door.
“hey lovebug, i’m making dinner now, okay?”
“uh-okay, thanks, dad-!”
you squeaked, quickly hiding the vibrator under your bedsheets, making them rustle a little.
“you okay in there, kiddo? you’ve been in there ever since we got home..”
Adam ended up letting himself in. the first thing he did was open your curtains, muttering about how you needed some light, and the immediate shine made your eyes burn.
“AH! dad, what the fuck-?!”
you shrieked, throwing the blankets off, rushing up to close the curtains.
both of your guys’ eyes lingered what was now exposed.
“oh god-dad, it’s not.. i just.. fuck,”
you said, sighing, head hanging low. there was no point in defending yourself.
wordlessly, Adam went to your bed. he grabbed the wand by the handle and turned it on, looking dead at you. his eyes were unreadable, and that terrified you.
“is this what you were using last night?”
he asked bluntly. the question made you almost blink like a frog, shocked.
“i-what?”
“i said,”
Adam pressed the wand against your crotch, flicking it on, making you gasp sharply. any sane person would’ve pulled away, maybe slapped him, called him a pervert and ran away.
but you stayed still. in fact, you clung to Adam like a lifeline, trembling, jaw slack in pleasure.
“well? answer me.”
Adam growled, a hand coming to grasp your chin, roughly tugging your face up to meet his, your noses touching.
“yes,”
you managed to whisper, squirming, the buzzing of the wand filling the room.
“you’re fucking filthy, y’know that? i heard you last night. calling out my name.. you weren’t even trying to hide your lust,”
Adam growled, pressing the wand deeper into your sweatpants, watching your thighs tremble.
he had climbed the wall, sank his teeth into the flesh of the peach, and now his belly was aching. he was paying for it. an exchange of five minutes of pleasure for years to come of guilt.
you continued clinging to him, head in his chest, moaning and worming around. somehow, the wand felt more overwhelming when Adam was holding it. one of his hands were on your hip, holding you in place so that you couldn’t run away, the other in your hair.
“shhh, that’s it, babydoll.. i’m gonna give you what you need,”
he chuckled, dark and grinning like a maniac.
your hooded eyes looked up at him, hazy. you came with a silent cry, fists balled up in his faded shirt, grinding your hips into the wand at a merciless pace.
“thatsss itttt, yeah! good job, kiddo, that’s it, cum for daddy,”
you never thought hearing Adam call himself ‘daddy’ would make you gush, but it did, and you felt your belly curling in disgust at it.
when Adam turned off your vibrator and set it down, he continued to hold you, eventually laying you back down in bed.
“dad..”
you whispered. he looked at you, eyes soft. with tears in yours, you whimpered,
“what we just did.. was.. oh god..”
you choked, feeling yourself start to cry.
“baby, no, shh, none of that,”
Adam said, gently kissing your forehead, then placing a kiss on your lips.
it caught you off guard, but you reciprocated happily. almost.. eagerly.
your tongues were soft as they tangled. when Adam pulled away, he nuzzled your nose in an Eskimo Kiss.
“Adam and Eve were the first humans on Earth, right?”
you nodded, a little confused on where he was going with this.
“they had kids, right?”
“y.. yeah..? dad, why are you telling me this-?”
“let me finish, and you’ll know why.”
Adam said.
“so, they were the first people, right? and they had kids. well, if there was no one else on Earth to populate with..”
Adam made a motion. your eyes widened. i mean, it was kind of-no, it was really fucked up, the fact that he was trying to justify what had just happened. then again, the more you thought about it… was he not right?
all you knew was that you didn’t want this to be the last time. hell no. even if this was taboo, and you’d have to cut off ever seeking a boyfriend, that didn’t matter. all that mattered was Adam.
all you needed was your daddy to take care of you. right?
my sweet snowflake buddies!
@6esiree, @cosmiiwrites, @ithopi0s, @frxstwalker, @activesplooger
#hazbin hotel#adam hazbin hotel#adam x reader#Adam x you#Adam x y/n#Adam x gn!reader#dead dove do not eat#dead dove Adam#stepdad!adam
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Hey how are you? I was actually curious how the characters' main writing was like. I remember that Harry makes his "i" like Lily's and Ron has a bad writing but I don't remember well for characters like dumbledore, Snape, Malfoy...
Hi, I'm doing pretty good, swamped with uni, but I don't have much to complain about.
Luckily for you, I actually have some notes regarding canon character handwriting. These notes are from supplementary books (Fantastic Beasts & Tales of Bettle the Bard) which actually have the character's handwriting in them. Along with some quotes I found about character handwriting.
(Also I'm not using signatures from the movies)
Harry:
'She had made her “g”s the same way he did' (DH) - Harry's handwriting shares some letters with his mother's handwriting. Notably, the "g".
Ron:
'Ron’s untidy scrawl' (CoS)
'said Ron, scribbling away, making his writing as large as possible' (CoS)
'Harry stared at the word “Pig,” then looked up at the tiny owl now zooming around the light fixture on the ceiling. He had never seen anything that looked less like a pig. Maybe he couldn’t read Ron’s writing' (GoF)
Hermione:
'Harry could make out Hermione’s neat writing' (CoS)
'And Hermione’s done four feet seven inches and her writing’s tiny' (CoS)
Dumbledore:
'Written in narrow, loopy writing he had never seen before' (PS)
'The narrow handwriting was vaguely familiar' (OotP)
'thin, slanting writing on the parchment' (HBP)
'were five words written in the thin, slanting handwriting that Harry recognized as Dumbledore’s' (DH)
McGonagall:
From the actual HP books we get McGonagall's handwriting as well, due to her signature being on Harry's Hogwarts letter:
Snape:
Thanks to the HBP book, we also have some notes about Snape's handwriting:
'and yet his writing was minuscule and cramped' (OotP)
'cramped handwriting' (HBP)
'Although Harry had offered to share his book with both of them, Ron had more difficulty deciphering the handwriting than Harry did' (HBP) - I take this to mean young Snape had tiny handwriting and that might be slightly similar to Harry's own (hence his ease at reading it).
'I think the handwriting looks more like a girl’s than a boy’s' (HBP) - assuming the handwriting is small and has some flourishes. (I kina imagine Snape's and Lily's handwriting is similar, which is why I think Harry's handwriting is a little similar to the Prince's)
Hagrid:
We also have some notes regarding Hagrid's writing which is nearly eligible.
'even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.' (CoS)
'He recognized the untidy scrawl on the brown paper at once: this was from Hagrid' (PoA)
Tom Riddle's:
'Riddle’s reply came quickly, his writing becoming untidier, as though he was hurrying to tell all he knew' (CoS) - meaning his handwriting is quite tidy usually.
(On an unrelated note since I've been searching for mentions of writing in the books I encountered this line in PS:
Harry cheered up a bit when he found a bottle of ink that changed color as you wrote
Considering we all talk about Harry's gold cauldron, I think we need to talk about Harry's color-changing ink. More cute Harry additions to Fantastic Beasts since I found them adorable:
The kid's adorable, I don't understand how the Dursleys could keep hating him, my boy.)
#harry potter#hp#hp meta#asks#anonymous#hollowedtheory#harry potter meta#handwriting#harry james potter#my best boy hjp#ron weasley#hermione granger#albus dumbledore#minerva mcgonagall#reberus hagrid#tom riddle#tom marvelo riddle
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"Ma, I am in the middle of a job!"
Context: Stephanie you're mom is buying groceries for you with her money and you're in your 20s. Let this happen!
Spoiler and Red Robin interrogated a couple of goons who might have a lead on Killer Moth's hiding place. Just as the conversation was starting to yield some promising information, Spoiler’s phone rang. She frowned as she recognized the familiar ringtone she had assigned to her mother.
Red Robin sighed, exasperated at the interruption.
Red Robin: I told you to put the phone on airplane mode.
Spoiler (pulling her phone out of her pocket): I told you to pound sand for suggesting that. I have to take this. Keep talking to the lackeys.
Goon 1 (offended): Lackeys? Rude.
Red Robin (annoyed): Spoiler, just ignore the call.
Spoiler (ignoring him): I’ll be back in like a minute.
Red Robin shook his head, fully aware that these calls were never quick or quiet, but they were usually too entertaining to veto. So he decided to wait it out.
Goon 1: Um, should we wait?
Red Robin nodded.
Red Robin: You’ll want to hear this.
Spoiler swiped to answer the call, fully knowing her mother wouldn’t relent until they had a conversation. As soon as she picked up, she regretted it.
Crystal (Irish accent): Stephanie, darlin’, I’m so glad you could answer! I’m at Stop and Shop for a big shop, and since I’m staying with ya while my apartments' bein' fumigated, do you need me to pick up anythin'?
Spoiler groaned and clenched her fist, her anger boiling over. She remained silent for a few seconds, trying to keep her rage in check.
Crystal: I'm usin' my own money and ya don't got to pay me back. What you need? ... Hello? Are you too busy to talk?
Spoiler (with a hint of an Irish accent): Ma, yes! I am on a feckin’ mission! You knew this and you’re callin' me for feckin' snacks?!
Crystal (slightly shocked): Who do ya think yer talkin’ to? I knew bein��� around that rat bastard would influence ya the wrong way. I’m tryin’ to do the motherly thing and buy ya groceries, and this is how ya react?
Spoiler stared at the wall, debating whether to end the call. After a sigh of regret, she pressed on.
Spoiler: My boss isn’t why I’m responding this way. Ma, you rarely did this when I was a kid! So excuse me if I'm a little miffed that you’re calling me during a mission to ask what I want from your big shop!
Crystal: Aye, I’m well aware of my failings as a mum when ya were a wee child. But to correct my sins, I’m doin’ what mothers would do. I’m workin’ on betterin’ myself since findin’ the Lord, and that means buyin’ ya food. Guess that’s not good enough for ya.
Spoiler: Oh jeez, do not guilt trip me!
She turned around to see Red Robin and the goons looking over at her curiously.
Spoiler: I'll be back in a minute.
Red Robin (arms crossed): No problem. This is clearly an important phone call.
Spoiler (turning away from the group): Oh, shut up!
Crystal: Baby girl, don’t yell at ya friend.
Spoiler: This is worse than the times I dealt with Kite-Man! Ma, it’s grand that you found the Lord and all, but could you maybe send a text or something?
Crystal (indifferent): I walked in on ya with your first boyfriend. Callin’ ya at work ain’t an oddity. Now, back to the list—
Spoiler audibly groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose. The goon leader leaned towards Red Robin.
Goon leader: Is her mom not from America?
Red Robin: I will say yes to that, but not going to detail anything else.
Goon leader: Mm-hm, just wondering because my parents aren't from America and acted like that.
Spoiler (slight hiss in her raised voice): I heard that!
Crystal (overly focused on shopping): Darlin' do ya need eggs or any meats, or are ya vegan like that wee son of that rat bastard?
Spoiler (knocking her fist against her forehead, frustrated): Get the eggs, almond milk, bacon, and all the Shin Ramen they’ve got! Can I go now?
Crystal (focused on shopping): Ramen? Not while I'm stayin’ with ya. I’ll get the other items though. Oh, and some tampons, right?
Spoiler felt the eyes of Red Robin and the goons on her, refusing to look over at them, which only added to her stress.
Spoiler (rubbing her forehead): Aye. Aye. Aye! Can I hang up your priestess?!
Crystal: You may, but remember, ma loves ya. Say it before you hang up, or I will call ya back.
Spoiler (seething): Yeah, loves ya bunch, Ma!
Spoiler ended the call, hearing Oracle laugh in her earpiece. She spun around to face the group, all pretending they hadn’t been eavesdropping.
Spoiler (embarrassed and trying to sound threatening): Any of you say a single mocking word, and you'll feel me steel toed shoes in your groin!
#batman#stephanie brown#tim drake#spoiler dc#crystal brown#I have no idea why I made her be an Irish born woman but I'm sticking to it!#mom's embarrassing you at the worse times is pretty universal#batfamily adventures flash fiction#script fic#batfamily shenanigans#batfamily fluff#flash fiction#batfamily comedy#dc fanfiction#batfamily fanfiction#batfamily microfiction#batfamily funny#part of my batfamily flash fiction#headcanon batfamily#part of my batfamily adventures the series#batfamily wholesome#batfamily headcanons#batfamily microseries#microfiction#batfamily#batfamily adventures#writers on tumblr#batfamily adventures script fics#batfamily adventures the series#batfamily adventures microseries
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Head canon that all the bats are actually pretty decent cooks but only under very specific circumstances.
Bruce: if Alfred is anywhere near, he'll burn water. He can however cook for 15+ people, if he tries for any less he ends up overusing salt/sugar/spices and the food ends up inedible. Whenever Alfred has the day off, he secretly cooks for his kids while pretending he's just reheating Alfred's dishes. Curiously, they all usually find excuses to show up at the manor when Alfred isn't there, even Jason.
Dick: will not cook for himself even if he has to eat raw pasta. However, if one of his siblings is coming over or they ask for a snack he can make mostly healthy food with the most random ingredients that no one else would have put together. It's usually pretty good.
Jason: can't cook with people in his kitchen. He needs space. The exception is Alfred. Tim has taken to hiding in random places in the kitchen to see how long he can stay without Jason kicking him out. His best spot is top of the fridge, almost beaten by the time he hid inside a floating cabinet and it ended up caving to his weight and dropping him on top of the sauce Jason was making (luckily not yet on the stove).
Tim: only cooks when the recipe has precise measurements of each ingredient (mg/ml instead of cups/tbsp). Proceeds to completely ignore his recipe and ends up with a completely different thing, usually opposite of what he was making, still tastes like he had used the recipe for the final thing.
Cass: cooks based on vibes only so most of the time she's the only one who can eat her concoction, mostly using ingredients that require her to dance and contort around the kitchen at the beat of whatever music she's listening to or just whatever. That being said, her food improves drastically if someone's in the kitchen with her, out of her way but watching, cause then she bases her measurements and ingredients in body language and her proportions end up being incredibly accurate.
Steph: can make anything that requires batter and make it be the best thing you've ever tasted. So waffles, crepes, pancakes, some cookies, cake, etc. Anything other than that will end up on fire. Funnily enough, she can also make incredible fillings that have an uncanny resemblance to some of her previous ashen attempts.
Duke: can cook in the dark without making a mess. He's also a pretty decent cook in general but he somehow leaves piles of dirty pans/dishes whenever he's seen cooking, no matter how simple his dish is.
Damian: can only cook with the recipe or someone (Dick specifically but sometimes Alfred) guiding him. His favorite food is the one traditional from the league, specifically the recipes Talia gave him when he went to Gotham. He wants them to be exactly as his mother intended so he won't deviate from the recipe in the slightest. It's special to him. Just as it's special to cook with Richard and getting to learn his favorite foods from before Bruce took him in. He might or might not either write the recipe after each time he cooks with Richard and ask clarifying questions like "what do you mean measure with your heart? How many tablespoons is that? No, I didn't see, you covered my eyes and told me to 'trust the process'"
Bonus: Alfred has the skill of spoiling the food of people he deeply dislikes while making the rest of it completely perfect for everyone else. Even if it's all cooking in the same pot. He's gotten so good at it he doesn't even do it consciously anymore and forgets he's doing it. It still gets the point across though. Interestingly enough, each of the bats partners have gotten shitty food from Alfred at least once (either shovel talk style or because they did something mean to their respective bat or wtv), they can't even say anything cause all the bats will just look at them like they're being crazy because Alfred could never while Alfred smirks at them from the opposite side of the room.
#batman#bruce wayne#tim drake#batfam#Jason Todd#alfred pennyworth#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#dick grayson#cooking as a language#rambles
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okay! part 4 is here! still no dinner scene but hey, who doesn't like a telemachus and athena moment? huh? huh?
the post/thread that started this whole au
dinner scene: part 1 | part 2 | part 3
*later that day* *telemachus walking around the palace ground and speaking with athena about poseidon & also tomorrows family dinner*
telemachus: so, you said lord poseidon is your uncle, right?
athena: *under her breath to herself* unfortunately
athena: *to telemachus this time* he is indeed my father’s brother.
telemachus: what does he like? what’s his favourite food? does eat with you and the other gods on olympus?
athena: *not expecting to play 40 questions about poseidon*
athena: HU- *coughs* why do you want to know? i thought you studied the gods when you were younger?
telemachus: i mean yeah, but those are other people’s words. what better way than to ask his actual family?
athena: *regretting this conversation, but answers because it is telemachus asking*
athena: if you are looking to strike a conversation with him, i can say for certain he will be interested in anything about his kingdom, the sea.
athena: as for food, i’m sure you know we gods, do not require mortal food for sustenance.
telemachus: *confused and stops walking*
telemachus: *turns and looks up at athena* but you ate breakfast this morning with us? and other meals?
athena: *stops walking also and laughs a little at his confused face*
athena: *ruffles telemachus’ hair* yes i did. we can find it enjoyable, whether it be an offering, during a feast or with…
athena: *stops ruffling his hair & smiles warmly at telemachus* family.
telemachus: *smiles*
telemachus: *continues walking*
athena: *continues with him*
telemachus: so, you still never said what his favourite food was?
athena: *shrugs* i don’t know, fish?
telemachus: *laughs* well we certainly have plenty of that!
*both continue talking and walking together*
*a short while later*
telemachus: ok so even though he does have a place to live on olympus, he doesn’t live there? how come?
athena: the sea is his domain, i would expect he feels more comfortable being always part of it. he knows everything that is happening on and in it then.
athena: also, i’m sure that having my father be king of the gods while also being his younger brother, is not something he would personally want to be around all the time.
athena: i think if it were my younger brother…
athena: *imagines ares as king of the gods* *shakes the thought immediately away*
athena: *waves hand in front of her in dismissal* never mind that thought.
telemachus: *eyebrow raised in confusion* uh ok.
athena: as i was saying, my father, while he is a great & wise king of us gods, occasionally having to sometimes deal with his...
athena: *thinks to the lighting shaped scars on her face and body*
athena: …games, does not always end up good for those who play them.
telemachus:
telemachus: so, he just prefers living in his palace under the sea basically?
athena: pretty much, yeah.
athena: maybe you could save some more of your questions for my uncle at dinner tomorrow?
athena: trust me, i’m sure he’d love to talk about himself.
telemachus: yeah, i’ve got so much to ask him!
telemachus: not just about himself, but how he and my father came to be such good friends!
athena: *laughing to herself as she knows the truth of said friendship*
athena: oh i too would like to know…
athena: *has a thought* little wolf, you’re helping your mother and the palace servants plan everything for tomorrow, correct?
telemachus: yeah i am!
telemachus: actually, i probably should go and find mother to discuss things.
athena: *gently holds his arm before he can run off* before you go, i believe it would be best if we sat your father and my uncle right next to each other don’t you think?
athena: i normally know your mother and father would sit together as king and queen, but this is a family dinner, is it not?
athena: *grins* friends should be with friends.
telemachus: *holds hand up for a high five* that sounds like a great idea athena! that means you’re next to me, right?
athena: *hive fives and then smiles at telemachus* of course.
telemachus: *smiling back* okay, i’ll go and let mother know!
telemachus: *waves before heading into the palace* bye ‘thena!
athena: *waves back* goodbye telemachus.
athena: *now to herself* oh tomorrow will be fun indeed.
#*even in two different locations both poseidon and odysseus have the shame full body shiver come over them*#odysseus: something horrible just happened…i can feel it#penelope: im sure it was nothing my love#penelope: *pulls him in for a hug* do not worry#odysseus: *melting into penelope’s arms* yeah you’re right#*meanwhile in poseidon’s palace*#amphitrite: *looking at poseidon* uh are you good?#poseidon: *mumbling to himself* was that a curse? can gods get cursed? why have i just got this sense of dread come over me?#amphritrite: is the mortal odysseus calling you again?#poseidon: *just continues mumbling to himself*#amphritrite: *rolls her eyes* ok i’m just going to leave you be#telemachus epic#athena epic#telemachus#athena#epic the musical#epic: the musical#friends in higher places au?#ongoing#nonsense thoughts
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Octavia was still familiarising herself with her new home and learning its customs. She had assumed, incorrectly, that she would not disturb Anders and that he would likely be brought to his chambers for whatever he needed to do. She had not seen him, or anyone or anything, in the room she had entered to hide. She just did not want to be found. At the sound of his voice, she let out an involuntary yelp and a matching jump as she turned to see him, "I'm so sorry, Your Grace. I didn't realise you were in here" she said, looking down only to wipe her tears as if he hadn't already seen them. She had been caught up in the surprise of his presence that she hadn't gotten a good look at him yet.
Only looking up when he offered her a seat, Octavia realised that he was in a state of undress and imagined that, if they were found together like this, it could result in another scandal. One that would result in them needing to get married if that wasn't the case already. With that last thought, she decided to step forward and took a seat near him, "We are to be husband and wife," she reminded him, "I imagine I'll see you in further states of undress than this," she tried to make it sound like a light-hearted joke but her voice was still enveloped with her crying. She sniffed, taking the sight of him in and wanting to ask what had happened or if he needed any help. Though she had been a lady-in-waiting for a woman, she was used to helping people get dressed and undressed from her former employment. She saw him struggling but decided, for the moment, not to say anything. He seemed like someone who did not like asking for help too much.
Octavia folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath, averting her gaze again to avoid the intensity of his eyes as she confessed why she was here in the first place, "Nicola- I mean, Viscount Hastings is here," she admitted, "He is a very opportunistic man and tried to take advantage of me being alone for a moment to force me into a dance," she explained. To a man, it might sound ridiculous to say one had been forced into a dance but she hoped that Anders understood she was trying not to create a scene. Her tears were likely an indicator enough, "He asked about you and how I had managed to catch your eye and suggested," she cleared her throat, "That my new relationship with you would be advantageous to him. Which," she added quickly, "I would never allow. I have no interest in him being in my life anymore, scandal or not. He is never going to use me to gain in station, again," Octavia spoke as if she was rushing to explain before Anders jumped to conclusions, worried about the thread his mother had made earlier that day, "I got away from him as soon as I could."
A curtain drawn across the inside of a door was a flimsy barrier, hardly enough to keep anyone out, yet within the Trevelyan household, it carried a weight of unspoken authority. It was a silent command—a clear and final warning to stay away. Those who understood knew it meant the patriarch sought his solitude, and only a select few had permission to disturb him. Not even his mother was granted that privilege, and as the newest member of his household, there was no way Octavia wouldn't have known that he was in no state to receive guests. The duke was slumped low in a lounge chair with a cold, damp cloth draped over his face to ease the heat of his walk through the garden and the exacerbated pain that came with it. His elaborate uniform coat had been discarded, leaving him in nothing but his undershirt, while his trousers hung loosely, still carelessly undone after the doctor’s direct injection to his leg that was free of its unsightly brace.
Anders didn't voice his irritation when he heard the door creak open and the soft rustle of the tapestry being pushed aside. Instead, he quietly lifted the cloth from his face to see who had disturbed his peace. The room was dimly lit, bathed only in the pale light of the moon that filtered through the window, which gave him the advantage of seeing who had entered while his form remained silhouetted in the shadows. He stayed silent, his expression unreadable, when he recognized Octavia and watched her shoulders tremble with silent sobs, too absorbed by her distress to notice his presence. The duke allowed her to cry undisturbed, giving her a few moments to release the bulk of her tears and collect herself before breaking the silence with a blunt question, "Why are you crying?" He should have cleared his throat, perhaps softened his tone, but Anders had never been one for subtlety.
He shifted up in his chair, straightening slightly so the moonlight could illuminate his silhouette more clearly. In the process, his trousers slipped lower, revealing more of his drawers, and Anders awkwardly attempted to pull them up, only to find himself lacking the strength or balance to do so. With a sigh, he gave up and casually draped his arm over his lap to preserve some modesty and dignity, "I’d invite you to sit, but I should warn you… I’m not exactly presentable. You’ve caught me with my trousers literally down, but if that doesn't bother you, come join me."
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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idk what to do anymofe atp.
#tonight my mother sat me down at the table and asked me about a friend of mine#this friend is openly a lesbian and my parents know her well because we go spend vacations in the same place#but she lives in switzerland and i don't see her often#and my mom asked me out of the blue if i texted her often in a very suspect way and so i told her that we do in fact text pretty often#because like my parents know her she always bring us chocolate and dog treats for my dog and they never seemed to have issues with that#and she was “what did she say to you?” and at first i was confused and also scared AF#in a 100% serious voice like “if something happened would you tell me?”#and like what the fuck realllg#i eventually understood she was hinting at me buying “men's” clothing in the last year or so#and this friend of mine is very masculine presenting and does the same and i tried to explain my choices had nothing to do with her#but my mother was like “i mean you never did anything like this in the past idk why would you start now” and wanted to show me a picture#of like my twelve years old me wearing a dress???#and then she was like “i think you should stop interacting so much with her because it's not a healthy company for you” like-#what the fuck was that#the whole conversation#scared fbe shit out of me because this is my “i'm not homophobic and i'm in fact very accepting of everyone” mother
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and this isn't to say that caitlyn never wanted to become commander, that she didn't have a choice in it or that she was always planning to turn on ambessa. and I'll look into those points separately because they don't undermine her decision in that moment.
1) caitlyn wanted to become a commander bcuz she didn't know what it'd mean and what it'd be like. she probably arrogantly thought she had more control over the situation and more independence from ambessa (her little house kiramman guide she opened with the key she inherited), that she could easily and quickly catch jinx and send her to stillwater or kill her and "any still loyal to silco" without stirring anything in zaun. she didn't expect that nobody in the undercity would know where tf jinx is (stuck in a cave taking care of isha), and that she'd become a symbol of the resistance in the meantime so people would... resist. caitlyn didn't want to hurt innocents but her hands were tied if she wanted to catch this incredibly unstable, violent and dangerous individual who'd attempted to blow her up twice, kidnapped her and asked vi to kill her (we still don't know what happened to caitlyn before vi got there but she hasn't been the same when it came to jinx since), she blew up her mother and half the council and presumably also ruined the statue ceremony and rallied the undercity against piltover. so don't hit me with the "why did she want to kill jinx" or say she was in the wrong for it.
2) there are always choices.
but this was admittedly a hard one and no one seems to have sensed the implications of ambessa taking the rains - her being the person on the inside for the zaunites who ruined the statue ceremony, salo wrapped around her finger calling up the most influential families in piltover, and her, counselor mel's literal warmonger mother (the epitome of authority) who gave her piltover to rule over, holding a speech that basically said "you will declare martial law against zaun rn bcuz i say they're threatening you. you will employ one of yours as a commander (and i'll choose who it is) and i'll generously lend them the resource of my army (making them dependant on me, directly controlling and green-lighting their every decision and breathing down their neck) to fight this war" and then everybody starts beating their chests, including caitlyn's own people. picture it: you've just lost your mother and had her statue ceremony turned into a massacre, your gf chose the incredibly destructive psycho killer who killed your mother and almost killed her and you a few times (after offering to kill jinx herself and telling you to "take the shot"), and this incredibly destructive psycho killer? very much still on the loose. what do you do? everyone's watching. waiting on you to be "a pillar of your community", "decorated officer, leader of house kiramman", the daughter of a deceased counselor. what do you do?
3) she always wanted to turn on ambessa
i think 1) sums up why i don't think she had that intention since the start + the fact that ambessa isn't a random person, she's an incredibly powerful fighter, influential in politics, tactical in war among other things and caitlyn probably thought highly of her and wanted to learn from her (them sparring) before having to work with her up close where she had the chance to see ambessa was unnecessarily brutal and ruthless, had a general disregard for the law when pursuing her goals, was sneaky and manipulative (this even maddie seems to sense because she kept reminding caitlyn it's her call, which, in a vacuum, would've been true). it's literally an idealist cop and a pragmatic warmonger, of course they wouldn't work well together. this tension betw the two of them has been building up for however long the time skip was. because caitlyn is the other face of ambessa's coin in some ways - she's also tactical, knowledgeable, but she's lawful, merciful, has a strong moral compass, etc
⚠️arcane s2 act ii spoilers⚠️
"caitlyn switching sides immediately when vi calls her cupcake again" "caitlyn double crossing her mentor ambessa out of the blue" "caitlyn and vi haven't talked or seen each other in months" "caitlyn randomly changing her mind" SHUT UP
if singed didn't manage to get warwick out his way (which would've still likely made warwick go berserk causing casualties and/or even losing the remainder of vander), ambessa's army of trained warriors, because notice there weren't any enforcers w/ them, would've raided a village of pacifists who don't have a single weapon, in order to catch and tame a monster that can and has turned a dozen people to bacon in minutes undoubtedly to employ it against other innocents (which caitlyn never wanted happening btw, even in her pursuit of jinx and her personal revenge, she thought it was taking too long and being too violent and destructive, which we saw caused tension betw her and ambessa), not to mention caitlyn called singed a monster and we don't quite see her changing her mind after seeing the dead daughter he does animal testing in order to immortalize, she'd alr confronted ambessa for her and her himbo's methods (warmongers not following the lawful procedures, who's surprised), and if in the midst of me potentially spying on ambessa and her people vi of all ppl falls from the sky to say this "monster" is her dad (considering caitlyn is still deeply grieving her mother and has been under the impression vi's dad is dead) and that the village prophet will turn him to a man again (effectively neutralizing a potentially uncontrollable and very severe threat) like i'm sorry but if i was caitlyn and had to act immediately under a time crunch, i'd also go straight to "here's where the guards are placed, i'll walk you in as a hostage" it was the perfect moment to betray ambessa to diverge attention (and it would've worked if jayce hadn't blown a hole through viktor's chest, which i'm actually not exactly blaming him for doing to a eugenics enthusiast) - w/ the help of vi and in the urgency of needing to figure out how to save all those people by herself (and in the undercity too bcuz it's a relatively neutral ground and caitlyn can't go quite back home after this unless she kills ambessa or smth) and why couldn't she have done it before? the stakes weren't as high before and she also couldn't do much against ambessa in piltover without a single capable counselor left (despite everyone telling her "it's your call" it's never that simple in politics)
and even if you took the complete opposite stance and argued that caitlyn doesn't love vi anymore/never truly did bcuz she hurt her, pushed her away, got a rebound and became authoritarian (which isn't a hill you can easily die on if you consider literally any other outside influences on the situations and relationships in arcane imo) guess what? none of these things matter for the decision caitlyn had to make (and vi likely didn't tell her jinx was in the village too)
#vi x caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#arcane ambessa#ambessa medarda#arcane act two#arcane act 2#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane#arcane act ii#arcane zaun#arcane piltover#piltover and zaun
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*it cut off my last tags which were: I don't know what I can do about this but in the meantime it's a struggle
#random personal stuff#back on my soapbox feel free to ignore#okay so I have been struggling a bit in the Sunday school class that I am being taken to#which is not surprising because I have been struggling socially in this church for the past year#it's a women's class taught by the pastor's wife but not all the women in the church are in it#most of them are middle-aged/elderly#what we're learning is perfectly fine#I appreciate that they're going through an epistle and not lecturing us on How To Be Good Wives and Mothers#but the other women will chime in with their thoughts in between discussions of doctrine#and it will be things like empty little slogans#(such as 'Choose joy!' or 'GodisgoodallthetimeandallthetimeGodisgood')#(not that there isn't any truth in those but they're used tritely)#or What The Lord Did For Me (or: My Life Is Perfectly Peachy)#or things that suggest their faith is all about never being upset by anything ever because you Have Peace#and I kind of wonder if this is a generational thing#because sometimes I'll call my mom with something that's troubling me#and she'll tell me things to the effect of 'just don't feel that way'#or 'ask the Lord to take it away'#which is kindly meant but ultimately ineffective in my experience#but anyway I'm sure these women mean what they say yet at the same time it just...feels insincere to me#as if as Christians we're just supposed to paste smiles on our faces and never have negative feelings#I'm not saying we should all come to class and dispense our personal dramas#but it feels like we're showing up and performing Niceness#and not allowing room for anything that isn't Easy Answers Positivity#and I sit there feeling like there's a huge invisible brick wall around me#and I'm sure that's a me problem#but...I don't know what I'm trying to articulate here sorry#I guess I don't know how to interact with these people because nothing seems real#and we can progress no further than the smallest of small talk because heaven forbid we let our real honest selves slosh over in public#and it's draining!
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It's been a while since I've been growled at...
#she comes up to me saying 'let me talk to you for a sec'#completely normal#like she would any other day#only to then lean into my ear and tell me how my desires mean nothing#how my wants should be controlled by her#how I should blindly obey what she says#to think just a few hours ago we were having fun laughing in the car#now im sitting here‚ vision blurred by tears‚ as I feel the exact same distrust I did a few years ago#i didn't ask for much#i never do#mainly because I don't want anything but still#it honestly reminds me of when I was a child#granted‚ it doesn't get to me as much anymore#but it still gets me#i swear my mother's voice takes on the body of a wolf when she growls#it's like an instinctive fear to want to hide from it in that state#it's like I've turned into a prey animal#making sure not to make any movements or sounds#hoping that the wolf glaring me down won't bite me#just like when I was a kid#so now I sit here crying a salted gentle rain#subtlety reminded of times I felt even more helpless#at least I'm not there anymore...#bluey's vents#tw vent#cw vent#bluey's mum#abluehappyface
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#tw: vent#so my mother is basically mean to me like 99 % of the time and we literally argue every single day#and i have been trying my hardest to not pay any heed to what she tells me but recently she told me something that really#made me feel so incredibly hurt and stupid idek how to put thaf into words#i avoid sharing things with her because she makes me feel bad about even the tiniest most unnecessary thing i share with her#so basically i have this one friend who was staying away from home for uni and she lives near me so i always try to be there for her#becayse i know how lonely it gets for her and i always go everytime my friends need me and my mom hates that#she makes me feel like being nice to my friends and others is the dumbest thing on this planet and that im stupid#but if my sister does it she's an angel#i was just waiting for my friend to figure things out as she was moving back home after uni ended so we could go look at internships#toghether#and she went home and got a job and while im happy for her she didn't even mention anything about it which made me sad enough but when i#told my mother about it she made me feel worse she said that was not very nice what she did you did so much for her and i told her#that's alright i dont mind and she said that my friend used me for her benefit and that I'm stupid for being nice to people#because according to her every nice thing that ive done is stupid and nothing i have done is going to make her feel proud or is enough#she qould NEVER say this to my sisters EVER#aah fuck this became too long#im so sorry if anyone came across this#but yes my mother is literally my biggest enemy most times ngl#she makes me feel like i wish i was not alive#it hurts to see my friends have great relationship with their moms and sisters#:')
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I saw your post about your gender feelings. Hang in there, bud.
If it helps, I was once told that no cis person ever questions "what they are", they just are. I get the imposter syndrome though, and the disconnect between your day to day and a small haven of peace where you can be yourself. I come from a conservative background, without any of the queer influences I enjoy today.
We're constantly growing, constantly learning new things about ourselves; I think that's part of the journey of being queer, rather than any indication you don't belong or aren't queer enough. You have a significant added challenge in exploring too and I hope one day they're gone. Much love and solidarity to queer Russians. 💜🤍💛💚
Already was on the brink of tears and now am crying, mate
Thank you, that thing about cis people not questioning kinda helped actually. I was told same about mental health issues (at least those can be confirmed with a paper and a stamp, huh). So i guess yeah. True. It's just the terf rhethoric about being confused and actually just seeking a way around patriarchy and all that bullshit that gets under my skin.
I'm happy you're free from those things in your past though, gonna live out my gay dreams through you and your art then, lol <3
I think another thing that is gnawing at me is that I am actually priviledged (and/or lucky). I had a lot of queer experiences that many other queer people here are absolutely robbed of. So it feels as if I'm kinda taking what they deserve more. Or that I can't be grateful enough for being able to have these things while others can't because I'm out here not even knowing what I am.
Anyway. Love wins. And we're here, proud and queer.
Love you 1969 times, thank you.
#juju's replies#on-a-lucky-tide#gonna come back to this a lot probably#also not me reaching for my cigs every time you mention nik's homophobic background in your works#although. i kinda like to imagine he was there in the heart of the soviet queer scene sometimes.#fun fact: for some reason my very homophobic mother was the one who showed me some “gay spots” here in moscow#i have no idea how she even knew#i mean like spots queer folks were gathering at like in the 80s#sorry i ended up ranting below in the tags you don't have to read it i really appreciate your support mate#you're a real one#my queer experience is so fucking weird mate. i literally used to kiss girls out in the broad daylight few kilometers away from kremlin#but had to invent hiding spots for the pride flag and socks my friends gifted me so that mum wouldn't throw them away (she still did)#also i think my dad knew despite me never mentioning it??? he just casually dropped something like about my “boyfriend. or girlfriend”#never elaborated#and i found out my sister was queer FROM HER GAY FRIEND#AS WE WERE OGLING TRAINERS IN A ROCK CLIMBING HALL WE WENT TO TOGETHER#and he was drooling over the guy. and i was over the girl. and he was like “oh so it runs in the family”#i was like ??? my sis literally never said anything we just started exchanging gay memes#everyone at school knew what i was and yet i still had to make my fairy tales only queer coded to avoid getting taxed for “propaganda”#it's just constant cognitive dissonance#but i do still have it so so so much easier than other queer people here#hell even people i went to school with had and have it worse than me#so not like i have much to complain about#gotta get a grip and fight for them#thank u.
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As she told me, son:
#stranger things#will byers#byler#mike wheeler#i used the fist pic bc im pretty sure this is when she says ‘i dont want you to feel like you cant tell me things’#and stuff like ‘you dont have to be afraid to share yourself with me im mother i love you’#second is of course mike putting his head on wills chest possibly checking his heartbeat#also mike is the heart#and he was so afraid for will and did anything he could to get him back#also the title of the song is i will follow you into the dark#which bas major mike jumps into the upside down after will vibes#and also he was supposed to in montauk#idk if these lyrics actually mean what i want them to mean but. i make my own rules#second pic is so bad im sorrryyy idk why its so bad :(#also also the part before goes#in catholic school as vicious as roman rule i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black#and i held my tongue as she told me son fear is the heart of love so i never went back#um idk allusions to mikes internalized homophobia and the christian culture of the town#now i dont believe karen is inherently absuive or evil or mean or anything but she fit the bill for this edit#which is more gentle and hopeful than the song is lol#ok im done i promise
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for the ask game: LILAC CHARCOAL AND RASPBERRY
anon this is so sweet 😭
[ask game provided below for reference; if you'd like to play, please reblog from OP here:]
#anon i love this but i have a covenant with God so i can't kill Him with you#this reminds me of the time my brother lamented his atheism and my agnosticism on behalf of our religious mother. but i'm not agnostic.#so i clarified i believe in God and that's never changed. i just choose not to worship Him + I think there are multiple truths (incl. gods)#which is shorthand but I've never been able to explain it to others to their satisfaction and it isn't anyone else's business anyway#he thought that was MUCH worse and became so dramatic. he was genuinely so thrown. he fixated on the fact it's heresy.#which I didn't expect because like yes it's heresy but heresy is a doctrinal concept -- it doesn't have any intrinsic meaning.#and not to be dismissive but doctrine is fairly sequestered from God. It's functionally and historically a voidable social contract.#i was involved with the church/attended various bible retreats for several years before leaving. but I didn't leave over God lmao.#my institutional involvement was always contingent on its alignment with my own individual purpose/practice/rituals/bible study/covenant.#which church/community leadership knew and tried to triage in various ways but like. it's not hard to reject authority baselessly derived.#so my present relationship with God isn't any more heretical than it was when I practiced Christianity as a religion.#If anything I was maybe more heretical in funnier and more flagrant ways when I was practicing than I am now.#but anyway. my point is.#i wont help you kill god but I'm always here for heresy.#alternatively i also recommend either (1) listening to god is dead (meet the kids) by british india#which when engaged with meaningfully amounts to the same philosophical state of being as killing God#or (2) forming a reverse orphic mystery cult relationship with Him the way I did when from ages 10-14#in other words#we can either sacrifice God to the secular age like thomas jefferson and nietzsche#or we can obsessively study the bible @ the cost of enough sleep that we (in brief spurts) access the parts of us inclined towards prophecy#those are the only two approaches to god that I'm capable of partaking in with any sincerity or intellectual honesty#and I'm unfortunately very married to sincerity and intellectual honesty.#(i'm sorry for meeting your very nice compliments with a nonsequitur illustrating why i should live as a hermit in a remote woodland shack)#(but I suppose I'm not sorry enough to remove the nonsequitur from my response prior to publication. so. take from that what you will.)
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