#but my gosh it's so exhausting
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I'm so sick and tired of being nice
#having a sunny and joyful persona is so useful#but my gosh it's so exhausting#but I don't know how to be anything else#and yeah it gets people to like me but it hurts so bad when they don't view me as anything other than happ go lucky#I'm so tired of having to be like this to get what i want and need#bc I'm a very blunt person in actually#but i cover it up with a layer of anxiety and helpfulness#i just want to rest#i love my friends and when they call me nice/kind/whatever#but goodness i just want to be myself#but being myself just loses me friends and gets me abused#trauma tales
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digitally colored some sketches from my sketchbook! i've fallen in love with yet another game and her name is Bayonetta
[id in alt]
#bayonetta#this game made me smile so much it just radiates fun#my favs are bayo and rodin! rodin looks so serious i wasn't expecting his silly sense of humor; he's super cool#and just. ms cereza you are everything to me#ahh but i love jeanne too#not sure about luka yet but his hair's very pretty! most exhausted looking man in the world#but gosh the game is gorgeous ost is gorgeous it's immediately one of my favorites#i really wanna get 2 3 and origins when i have enough money and don't have more pressing things to pay for someday#fan art#my art
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unnecessarily rated and ranked kitchen of witch hat volume 1 moments on silly gay madness
#witch hat tag#orufrey#read kitchen.#i think the puddings are equal 2nd place though...it really gets to me....TRULY bonkers unforgettable and characteristic oru moment....#aughhgough i'm so sleepy & tired im crashing to the floor..oh no..auugh i need help..gah..Oh my gosh i shall help u..We shall survive this.#^ nobody else ever i have literally never needed to be held up in my exhaustion you just go to bed#the points don't add up. the touching his forehead moment is just too strong. WHY??? i wouldn't go up and slap my hand on a friends skin#i'd be like Do you have a cold that's sad for you. good grief. good heavens#also the end of chapter 10 gets Sends me into the despair nexus points.
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I took my sweet time playing through @diasporatheblog these past few months and finally brought myself to finish it yesterday (so sad it's over sobs)
#diaspora game#diaspora#cog#if#interactive fiction#sangarinus#sangarinus nabor#tintabrancaart#tintabrancaocs#tintabrancaocfalgaraile#if you saw me post this twice u didnt. tumblr loves to hate me sigh sigh#anyway !!#this game waow#ancient rome is a huge fixation for me so castulia was a treat to explore and visualise#esp bc the game doesnt take place in the capital (rather in a port city which. yesssss)#okok so my fool falgaraile (falga to their friends).. they/it legend#they're a bit more on the serious side wrt personality#partly bc of the stress of their responsibilities but also bc they're fairly straightforward in their manner#it's exhausted by the wars and conflicts around clan maghnus which def contribute to the stress#refreshed and looking forward to the possibility of peace. looks at balthasar#falga's eye got eviscerated in a raid when it was a teenager so now they have a prettified prosthetic in its place#some scars on their legs too but yea#it turns out you cant big brain your way out of every fight !! and it learned the hard way lmao#but yeye gosh i used a mixture of diaspora's worldbuilding and celtiberian material culture as refs for their design#because that is where my heart lies :'D#oh and sang !! i didnt go too hard on his design because it's a little more set in stone already#i love him he's such a lil (big) guy.. my buddy my pal. mwah#i have a very strong mental image of his face so i had to give it a few tries to really nail down#im glad w how it came out !!#ahh okok i need to rest but yes i love diaspora i love the setting and characters :'D i will be replaying it while i still can
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Absolutely wild how posting a joke poll brings you face to face with the MOST obnoxiously condescending side of tumblr. Where's that one post about "you people are way too comfortable being mean on the internet"?
#obviously it doesn't matter and i'm not taking it personally#but my GOSH people love to take the playful hostility and turn it up to 11#and when it floods your notes it gets pretty exhausting tbh#so much 'wow you people are all so wrong and stupid for not doing the thing the way i specifically do it'#and like i get that it's a joke! but man#in aggregate it's a lot
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So apparently following written down instructions and listening to the gps at the the same time leads to problems. especially in the dark. Especially when my dad’s elbow is blocking the god screen and me and my mom are talking and not paying attention.
On the bright side we only had to turn around three times, and one of those was because my sister had to go to the bathroom and the road we were on had like nothing
#add that to the fact i was coughing the whole time and couldn’t sleep because pretty much every road we were on was twisty and it was. well.#it may have only been a ~three hour drive but man it was stressful. my gosh#and I’ve been around people for the past like seven or so hours and I am absolutely beat#hhhhhhh it’ll be fun. it’ll be fine. it already HAS been fun tbh I’m just exhausted and all my complaining is coming out now#rambles from the floor
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💕
#oh my gosh hi guys#can u believe it im alive#i just had the most embarrassing break down in the shower lmao#im blaming it on being exhausted from having way too fucking much to do lately#and also on not getting off in like a month#but the wedding is finally over with and im out of the busy period at work for now#so hopefully i can fucking breathe for a second#text#mine
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Arthus Fils | Japan Open 2024 🇯🇵
En finale (x2)! 🤩🇫🇷
#they exhausted me fr#gosh so happy to have my french boys in a final - i'm feeling so patriotic atm#also arthur winning a set without a tiebreak challenge#arthur fils#holger rune#japan open#tennis
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Conversation I just had with the person scheduling my therapy (it's at a place that offers disability services so they were asking about that):
Person: oh you're disabled? Were you in a car accident or something?
Me: ah, no, I have a genetic condition that makes my skeleton fall apart
Person: oh geez okay. Do you have to use any mobility aids? Like can you walk?
Me: uhh?? Sometimes? I can walk but not reliably. I can't do anything reliably which is like the whole problem because people don't think of disabilities as being so variable.
Person: wow I don't even think I'd be able to get out of bed, not knowing wether I'd be able to walk or not that day...
Me: oh well I have this pro gamer strategy where laying in bed hurts more the longer I lay there so eventually it will get so painful that I HAVE to get up haha 🙃
#why does my disability have to be so GOSH DANG MULTI FACETED#im TIRED. im OVERWHELMED#why cant it just be simple#simplifying things for strangers is so hard with my autism#like when asked any question my instinct is to answer it completely and exhaustively...#something that severly overwhelms me#i have to have pre-prepared simplified answers for everything but I dont know who i can afford to simplify to and who i cant#like for instance. a stranger doesnt need to know shit about my disability#hell i could lie about it to make it more believable/understandable even and no harm done#but my doctors? thats different. same with case workers- theyre gonna need to know everything with no under exaggerations#and then theres receptionists- what do i tell them? like theyre somewhere in between doctor and stranger#because while they themselves dont really need to know they are typing out an essay about my life that will be shown to the doctor#and may end up essentially copy pasted into my permanent file#idk its just a lot that i always have to think about
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🐺🫧
Here
Now go to sleep
#m.bubble#🤫 shh... just between you and me i took these#i'm feeling a wee bit nauseous .......... it'll pass (it won't it's actually my love for him and i don't think i'll ever fucking recover)#hesssss pretty pissseddddddd on bubbleeeeeeeeeee#i feel bad... he can't really outwardly say smth either... but he's mad 😭 it's so clear... i didnt expect anything but#an ig post and pics on bbl.. was a surprise#and voice notes ??/$:!:!: 😓😓😓😓😓 my heart ..#gosh i love him . i love him.........#i'm so tired i just want for him to be able to . have 1 normal day lmao#anyway... 😓👍 sharing these before i log off again.. im really just too exhausted rn ... 👎 to deal with anything#chan#soulmate
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i think its really funny that with every other ghost hunting channel ever, a good chunk of the appeal is 'woah are they gonna find real ghosts?' or whatever and they make these really over the top videos about it acting like every single thing is definitively ghosts and cant possibly be any other thing (or they completely faked it themselves) and they dont really shine as people quite as much and theyre probably trying to appeal to kids with this style of video, or just make it exciting so it doesnt feel like its just people in an empty old house blah blah
but then we have shane and ryan who have literally never found proof, they dont really pretend theyve ever found proof (ryan has thought so a few times but he doesnt exactly sit around going 'holy shit remember that piece of proof we found one time that totally proved we found ghosts!' which a lot of channels do in my experience)
no we just all kinda stick around cause we love the dynamic. the shenanigans. if they ever proved ghosts were real it probably would be overshadowed by some funny thing they did they episode aside from that lol
#my post#watcher#ghost files#look. i love the paranormal. i constantly think about and watch stuff about the paranormal. but i dont believe in it#so all these channels that act overly gullible. are exhausting#there is not nearly enough skeptical channels and even less who actively go ghost hunting themselves#dont get me wrong i do like a few channels that i would say are... kinda gullible or faking believing a lot of stuff#or outright faking 'evidence' LOL#like i love garrett watts and i love loey lane but my gosh they need to take chill pills. smoke weed or something /j#i would literally never believe that a youtuber proved ghosts are real anyway. they want views and literally anything can be faked#with enough time and effort#i would only ever believe ghosts under extremely specific circumstances that would include me leaving my own house LMAO#loey and hannah need to colab fr. ryan and shane but women. also the aesthetics would go hard#loey is so pinks and colors and soft things and hannah is so dark and macabre and stuff. like it would be so fun#this got off track I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS STUFF AAAAA#i only made this cause im watching john wolfe talk about sam and colby. i dont watch s&c cause i assumed theyd be annoying and they#they kinda are
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This is an opportunity to share something that you’re proud of, preferably in the last few weeks. You’re amazing and you deserve to be reminded of that!
Hey, Regal!! This has been in my inbox for ever, but I finally have an answer I like for it!!
I had my very first book signing on Saturday!!!
I set up a table in a local coffee shop and some of my friends came by to buy a copy, get theirs signed, or just come support me and it was so so much fun!!
I ended up selling 12 copies of Shut Down and even meeting another writer who happened to be in the shop! Writer goals right there!!
Cropped picture of my setup below:
#writeblr#writers of tumblr#sweet asks#shut down#book 1 of the animatronic saga#oh my gosh it was so much fun!!!#i didnt get to post much beforehand because i was sick up till a few days before and then i was exhausted afterward#but the literal dream#yes the picture is cropped and done in fancy color point#i dont show my face on here (as of yet) and my mom took did the pretty colorpoint
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YAAAY!!! FREEDOM!!!!
#I’m so happy XD#i didn’t know if I’d make it through that art class my gosh#but I made it by God’s grace#and now I can melt into an exhausted but content little puddle#ladye my beloved#trin answers#asks
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boyfriend’s mom lovingly laughing at me as i use both hands and my entire body strength to cut wire tree stems
(i’m talking about cutting these into pieces btw!!)
#the job i’ve been given today is to cut up decorations so we can reassemble them n use them for the basket decorations#but oh my gosh cutting wire can be hard!!!#this is day three of christmas basket making and the exhaustion is starting to hit me#we have two more weeks of this HAHAHA#whew! getting there tho!!!#anyway hopefully i can answer at least one or two of the sukuna asks u guys have been sending eeeee they’re all so good!!!!!#i’m also working out plot details for the gojo fic as i work#bcoz this type of work is so great for just getting lost in ur mind yk???#that monotonous type of repetitive work#therapeutic!#anyway pls have a lovely day <3#i am sending u love n warmth!!#clari chatters#clari chapters
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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I cannot begin to explain the psychic damage done to me when I saw this text, after falling asleep reading, and needed to roll over and turn off the light.
I didn't even have a clue what the hell Jonald even was, in my sleep addled brain, but I was already disturbed. And then it bothered me just enough that I couldn't get back to sleep. I laid there in the dark for probably 20 minutes before my brain finally worked out what the fuck she meant. Sleep walking into traffic on the freeway would have been more comfortable than that.
#personal#i had put myself to bed early because i was so frustrated and exhausted from work that i was going to be mean and/or have a full breakdown#anyway i fell asleep earlier than expected which was nice#but then i saw THAT and it ruined any chance of rest#i laid there in the dark for so long before finally admitting defeat#read my book for another hour and took my medication and still could barely fall asleep and slept like shit#this is ALL YOUR FAULT DIAMOND#i hope you pluck your eyebrows like normal but it makes your eyes water and ruins your makeup#i love you so much but OH MY GOSH WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT
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