#but my body does not want to move
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my brain is full of parasitic worms and I need to rip them out (I want to draw I have so many ideas but executive dysfunction and burnout are kicking my ass)
#actual sugar post#GOD#I have my sketchbook open I have my pens and pencils out#but my body does not want to move#it has been like this for. ever#something is sucking out my creative spirit ……#please help#izzy.txt#text post#executive dysfunction#autistic burnout#burnout#autism stuff#actually autistic#neurodivergent#idk man#whatever
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Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in
#viktor#arcane#ig my assumption would be that he wears both simultaneously cause in the scene where he injects the shimmer#it seems implied that he just threw off his clothes and kept experimenting#so one might assume he was already wearing the smaller one underneath#tho it is a funny image to think of him just being like 'one sec i gotta go all the way home and grab my other brace to do this'#he can take off the back brace too cause hes not wearing it in the scene where he's in the hospital bed and you can see his shoulder#where the strap would be#but that one seems to make even less sense functionality wise#everything looks like its screwed together#or screwed INTO him#but only the top bolts on his spine are i think#in the close ups of his back brace model it looks like theres cushioning underneath the parts of it that cover the rest of his spine#so he can take it off. but HOW#what parts of it unscrew/detatch to pull open and off#does it not do that at all and he just has to shimmy it off his shoulder and all the way down his legs to get it off like a romper#the shape language of the designs are cool but like. tell me how it wooorrkkksss#forgive me if im just dumb and dont know at all how braces work and theres a very simple practical explanation for all this#any king who wants to infodump about mobility aids at me....the floor is yours#something to be said i suppose about the fact that zaunites have crazy prosthetics with wild augmentations that work flawlessly#and piltover's like. idk heres some fucking uncomfortable ass metal. salo gets wheelchair in non ada compliant place#they havent ever needed to adapt to accommodate disabilities etc etc#or maybe artists were just like 'heres a design' and everybody clapped and didnt give it a second thought#and then they just turned off the visibility on the mesh when they didnt need it knowing thered not be a scene where its taken off#dont even wanna THINK about what that rig would look like#like 40 different controllers#soft body and rigid hard surfaces needing to move together....#a cold chill just shot up my spine#<- guy who is only an animator and doesnt know how to rig#forgive the magic wand tool with zero cleanup. i am lazy
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Prompt 169
Danny is from a world where everyone has wings, even if most have long since lost the ability to fly. Something about loading and aspect ratio, wings being too small, body too heavy, now mostly used as display, whatever.
It doesn’t matter even if he had blueprints from when he was like six of a jetpack to help fly. It won’t work anyway and hey, he has his ghost form! Which uh, might be perhaps, affecting his wings which were maybe sort of scorched black and practically down to the bone thanks to the accident.
It doesn’t matter, he swears. Though he’s admittedly relieved to see the new feathers growing in are different from Dan’s angry sunset. Even if they’re not even supposed to be able to grow back. Alright, this is fine, no one is going to notice! It’s not like everyone knows about the poor Fenton kid whose wings were absolutely destroyed thanks to an accident! It’s fine.
He’s not flying in a half-panic towards the Far Frozen while crying because his wings are coming back and he’s so scared. He didn’t panic and instantly fled the moment Jazz pointed them out while changing the bandages.
He definitely didn’t trip over something while wiping away said tears and blacking out from all the stress and all of his problems that he definitely mentioned to someone and isn’t keeping a secret. Definitely.
Hawkwoman and Hawkman would like everyone to know that neither of them were expecting a very small child to be spat out of the villain of that week’s machine that should definitely not be a portal. A very small child, maybe nine or ten, with a multitude of concerning wounds both old and fresh. Which isn’t even beginning to touch on the wings.
Feathered, like baby down despite the gnarled scars, unlike their own metallic, with the beginning of tiny specklings like stars amidst the darker fuzz peeking from the wounded flesh.
Who?! Who dared?! It’s (at least to the forever reincarnating duo) a literal baby! They still have down! Tiny baby fuzz! Was it the portal?! Oh this villain is going to taste their maces for causing this if that’s the case!
The rest of the Justice League would honestly like to know what just happened and are honestly unsure on if they should stop the two…
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#wing au#Shayera & Carter: THAT IS A BABY#Danny who is still very distressed when he wakes up: I don’t know what’s going on & might start crying at any moment#He got brought to the Watchtower#Y’know what make it where his world is similar to a Flashpoint timeline & that’s why JL never came#He has no idea why he’s tiny and just wanted to go to one of his caretakers#The League is trying to figure out how to get this kid home but also subtly asking how his home life is#Danny: Oh I guess my bio-parent’s house is dangerous but my caretaker’s homes are really cool and safe!#The JL now think this child is in foster care of some sort in his world#Danny does nothing to dissuade this assumption#Honestly it’s really freaky for him to see people without wings & maybe clings to Hawkwoman & Hawkman#Look their wings might be metallic but at least they have them & he can actually recognize their body language#How can anyone deal with not being able to express with wings?!#Even if his were completely scorched from the Accident he could still move them and such!
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The idea that autistic people only stim when we're upset or overwhelmed is so funny to me because while a lot of us do stim when we're upset and overwhelmed it's also just. The way my body moves, personally. It's like an idle animation for an rpg character. If I stand still for more than two seconds, I will start stimming
#like. I'm not upset my body just does this. if you want me to focus on what you're saying#i have to keep swaying back and forth and moving my hands#or else i *will* get upset and overwhelmed#charlie.txt#actually autistic#autism blogging
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A doodle of a couple misc hcs I have about Gman's anatomy
#half life#gman#g-man#body horror#eye contact tw#shmorps art#My mindset with this hc was “what if you like. somehow cut him and there's just no blood”#“how freaky would that be”#Also I like the idea that Gman makes his eyes all glowy to fuck with people sometimes#Kinda like an intimidation tactic#Other times it's just a subconsious thing that happens sometimes when he's stressed out#I don't think he stresses out very often though. He doesn't feel like the type to be scared by much of anything#I just wanted to draw his goofy eyes again#I also hc that even if a limb is removed from him he can still move it#And also reattach it if necessary#so thats fun#How does he function without blood you may ask? Who knows. It's not meant to make sense#Eldritch horrors for the win#I dunno. he's neat#edit to elaborate cause I have thoughts: this is purely for his human disguise#In reality he's something else mimicking human anatomy through and through#Like. even the weird muscles are just fabrications. his entire human appearance is false#As for what he truly looks like. it's unknown and incomprehensible
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'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.
I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.
About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'
-Casey Plett, Consciousness
#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it#i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition#but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body#not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways#but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth#valuing and exploring and treasuring#i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible#but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head#and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude#this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example#like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than#violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body#to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities#like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia#so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you#even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by#what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems#Casey Plett#she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her#this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger#i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial#she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies#that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era#it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it#i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience#said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip#personal nonsense
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aaaand BUMBLEBEE 😊 !!!!
#this isnt humanformers it's just my own bumblebee design like hes very much robot still#the face plate just isnt white cus um i do wat i wanbt#LOL#human bee would have afro puffs to resemble his antennas that curl at the tops for the horns too#the lil blue things being his fluff are his door wings!#i want him to be like one of those big fuzzy fat bees where their wings are so tiny how do they even manage 2 fly#well this one does not !#goldbug tho i think should fly bcs starscream parallels and his wings are not stubby and round like bbs here#which he ruthlessly ridicules bb for and flaunts his giant bee wings#anyways bbs servo fluff helps conceal his stingers#if u look closely on the face he has a nose scar and what looks like 3 freckles on each side#but rlly theyre just rips from the nose scar breaking and moving like mini scrapes from ur big car scar#he has an arm btw i just didnt feel like blocking that part of his body where the rest of it would go so i amputated him lol#it's ok i redesigned him off of cane bumblebee so it ok bumblebee it artist interpretation ok#i love his cane tho i need to fraw him with it i just hate fullbody aint nobody got time for that (me only)#(im. lazy )#ANYWAYS yea so. this is my idea of idw bee.. i think he would discover the and bumblebee meme and Not stop saying it. actually#bumblebee got wider and slighter taller but his wings have not ever changed#bumblebee#transformers#tf#if u wanna think of it as humanformers u can but hes an android then and not like a human human so ill tag it#humanformers#tf idw#maccadam#transformers idw
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THIS thing ^ says hewwo. UNIRONICALLY.
#my art#fanart#wiggly#wiggog y'wrath#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#npmd fanart#starkid#team starkid#jon matteson#the way the lighting on this one is so weird because they lit him from both sides. why does team starkid hate me personally#actually i had a rlly hard time finding a screenshot i wanted to reference of wiggly#like tink and nibs i was like oh yeah theres one specific pose that i know i want to do#but tbh most of the time we see wiggly in the proshot is full body shots instead of closeups#and what closeups he did get hes moving a lot or just dont have a pose that makes for a fun portrait composition#gr. whatever#willing to struggle and grind for my perfect special boy#i recorded a timelapse of this that i will be posting.. tomorrow probably#a couple people have expressed interest about my process for these painted portraits#and i loveeee talking about process#<- art major moments
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Hello! Can I just say that I really appreciate you doing this? I've always been a big fan of your analyses and your ability to get to the root of the characters. Thank you for continuing to let us read your wonderful thoughts and stories.
On your old blog, you discussed your headcannons for Lyney, one being his tendency to forget things like where he put his wallet because him and his mind are very busy. Unfortunately, I didn't save the post (my biggest regret ahhhhh!) and I would love to read your analysis once more. If it's okay with you, could you go over your headcannons for Lyney again? The old, the new, whatever's on your mind and whatever you're willing to share. Thank you so much!
Thank you for the kind ask, anon! Here you go!
New Lyney Headcanons
Self-focused - Though he never seems like it, those that know Lyney well know that he’s often running low on sleep. And really, he has no one to blame but himself. During the day he’s often distracted with magic shows, helping people, little tasks around the hotel, running missions for Father, and much more. And at night? He can often be found alone in his room planning new tricks, arranging missions for his siblings, studying to become the next “king” of the House, and things of the sort. If Lynette and Freminet didn’t keep an eye on him, no doubt he would stay up the whole night if given the chance! Those two welcome all the help they can get.
Relationship-focused - When it comes to his relationship with you, Lyney never lies. You know he would never do that to you. And sometimes, the knowledge almost lulls you into a false sense of security. Yet you know better. You’re smarter than that. Where Lyney doesn’t lie, he omits. Half-truths so easily fall from his mouth as drops of rain from the sky. Your comments of concern are often brushed off and your questions redirected. As much as you try, you know the truth. He doesn’t want you to know. He doesn’t want you to shoulder his burdens with him.
old lyney headcanons below!
Would Lyney be honest with you?
With his outgoing and fun personality, it oftentimes is easy to get caught within his flow. Lyney is the charming sort, after all, that one may very well forget that he is subject to the same struggles as the rest. Get to know him well enough, though, and you will quickly realize that this is not a fact he wishes others to know. More than a desire, he needs to be seen as someone in control, as someone without weakness. That’s his role as the big brother. And if that means lying, avoiding, and omitting the truth to accomplish it, then an accomplished performer like himself will do what he must.
Does Lyney prefer to pursue or be pursued?
With a penchant for flair and dramatics, it’s clear to see Lyney prefers to pursue the people he’s interested in. Really, it’s one of the things he goes all out. With a trick up his sleeve, he won’t hesitate to dazzle you with flowers pulled from nowhere and fireworks from his tophat. He wants you to be enchanted. He wants you to be impressed! You are, aren’t you? You like it, don’t you? So focused on charming you that he often loses sight of much else. Fun fact, should you attempt to turn the tables, however, you can expect his mask of self-confidence to fall to reveal a rather flustered expression beneath.
Headcanons
Self-focused - If there’s one thing that’s true about Lyney, it is that he is a very busy person. As a person with multiple masks and roles, his thoughts are often preoccupied with House missions, performances, new tricks, and things of the like. So, much to the dismay of others, it’s easy for things to become buried under the multitude of other tasks he needs to take care of. How often the simple things become forgotten—where he last left his wallet, tea time with his siblings, the sale on storybooks at the bookstore. During those times, he really can’t help but appreciate his siblings and their ability to keep him on track. Really, he doesn’t know what he’d do without them!
Relationship-focused - It doesn’t hit you at first, but it doesn’t take you very long to notice how hard Lyney tries for your relationship. Normally this would be a good thing, but it is different with Lyney. Every day he tries to charm you. Every day he attempts to enchant you. You tell him he doesn’t need to try so hard, but that only seems to light a fire beneath him to do even more. You see it in his eyes. He needs to know you are still in awe of him, that you like him as much as he does you. And then it sinks in, doesn’t it? He doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust your feelings for him. He’ll never show his true face to you.
old tags for this post: #okay let’s talk lyney for a bit i think the biggest thing to know about lyney is that at his core he is an insecure person insecure and anxious #imo he’s extremely attached to his title of ‘big brother’ that he needs to fulfill the duties if such he needs to protect his siblings and be a person others can rely on #this belief is so strong that he refuses to rely on arlecchino for help and snaps at freminet for trying to get him to open up #he really cares about the way he’s perceived #remember when the traveler found out he’s part of the fatui and he spends his time bending over backwards to try to get them to trust him ‘like me! like me! please. i’m trustworthy i’ll never lie to you please!!’ #honestly imo that’s just one if his faults like lyney is unstable #idk what possessed arlecchino to make him her successor like he’d crack under pressure #lynette is a way better option #but anyway bc of these things he would not trust his partner in a relationship #he wouldn’t rely on them he’d never feel secure which would prompt him to keep trying too hard to ensure he’s still the person he thinks you fell in love with #the most important thing to remember with lyney is that he is a performer and the face he shows to the world is essentially a mask
What’s Lyney’s breaking point in a relationship?
It’s hard to imagine, really. With how much Lyney may seem in love, the idea there’s a point a relationship would be too much for him is hard to believe. But when you really think about it, his breaking point is simple. As strong as his feelings may be for you, his devotion to his family and its cause outweighs everything else. Should your relationship with him ever reach a time where it encroaches upon that which is the most precious to him, then there’s nothing more he can do than let you go.
old tags for this post: #i think the key thing to take in here is that lyney cannot function without his family he is extremely reliant upon them to the extent that he will become unstable without them #just look at the archon quest when wriothesley captured his siblings any and all logic completely went out the window #lyney is an anxious insecure mess and the only thing that holds him together is playing the role he has to as big brother #if your relationship with him ever reaches the point that you transcend into being counted as his family.... he will have no breaking point #the breaking point will be his mind or body. whichever breaks first
#genshin impact#lyney#lyney x reader#ekolu.headcanons#genshin x reader#okay sorry i didn't want to ramble in the body of the post but thank you for the kind message anon!!!!#i hope you don't mind me posting all of the old lyney headcanon asks down below#i was about to apologize for my headcanons being more on the psychology side but i'm glad you don't mind haha#idk how to make things more romantic#lyney is a really special case#enneagram wise when you look at lyney he seems like the kind of person that would be ruled by fear but it's actually shame#like i said in one of my old tags lyney is very attached to his self-proclaimed role of 'big brother'#in his attempt to convince OTHERS (not himself) that he's a good older brother he becomes anxious and controlling#my brain tells me that he's a 2w3 but my heart is telling me 3w2 LOL#with the way he disintegrates it is definitely more 2 focused#funny thing about lyney though#one point i wanted to make out with the self-focused headcanon is that while lyney does seem like he's always on the move personally like..#i think he does take time for himself#granted the time he takes for himself isn't necessarily to reflect and work through his emotions and anxieties#but he does take time for himself#he seems like the kind of guy that needs a certain amount of alone time at the end of the day#and sorry my lyney headcanons are never very romantic.... lyney is a very........ he's very young and immature#i don't think a relationship is the best thing for him where he is in his life right now. i think he needs to grow more#calm down a bit you know?
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Off to make mischief and terrible decisions for everyone (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Help they keep appearing#Where have I heard that one before lol#Genuinely! I wasn't expecting to keep drawing them but my pencil kept moving and they kept showing up on my paper!#Especially Gaster but the other two plenty as well#Got to employ a bit of my favourite coloured pencil ♪ I Will find a way to use my blue on nearly anything#Luckily for me they come prepackaged with blue magic so that was easy enough#Wiggly baby Papyrus does Not want to go >:( At least he's not being hurt :(#Some smoking Gaster ♪ I still quite enjoy drawing smoke honestly - fun to get to do so with a character who actually smokes haha#You can see I also added swoopy-swoops to his Lost Soul head - I like it much better for being such a small detail#I think it looks weird in black rather than white but against a white background-#Without them he feels....hmm something. Something old that I don't want#Not like the Classic Lost Soul head tho haha - similar but not quite the same!#I love his design ahh ♪ He's really so pretty but so much of that is in his details! Like the way he wears his clothes or holds his body#I'm always a sucker for that style of turtleneck as well haha ♫#Perhaps his turtleneck keeps the smoke in chest from escaping longer :0 Yet another reason to wear them!#Shot of the little family before things went Completely terrible - before the plates and all that#I'm rather pleased with his hand pose there actually :) Keep an eye on your kids Gaster you've only got the one eye to do so!#And then some silly ones lol - I am desperately curious if animated skeletons would have a hyoid bone#It's not as though hyoid bones are specific to humans! They're just A Type Of Bone! Surely skeletons would have All their bones right?#But in the human skeleton it's not resting against another bone it's just floating there tethered by muscle and sinew#Would it float? Would it rest inside the lower jaw? Would it attach to the neck vertebrae??#It'd probably get caught on his turtleneck a lot easier than like - getting it caught on his neck bones for example#They have a kind of fused canine-teeth-like structure as well they're like a weird set of tongue-teeth lol#It's just fun to imagine ♪ Similar to how the rest of the skeletal body like - magnetizes? to itself :)
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I'll keep you inside of me, always
#screenshots from my last 'saltburn as songs' made me want to do a felix looking at oliver (when they're both in the same frame) post#i also need to do a felix touching/leaning into oliver space because he does that A LOT#every chance he gets really#and i want to point out that while oliver is pretty easy to screenshot#he is quite still#felix is always moving his body and face#he's so hard to capture#and i think it's so brilliant of emerald jacob and barry#saltburn#cattonquick#felix catton#oliver quick#jacob elordi#barry keoghan
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making myself sick thinking abt them spending most of their lives angry at each other on opposite sides of the galaxy.
#borderlands#oc: verity jakobs#wainwright jakobs#bandit rewrite#not settled on the coat designs yet...i feel like veritys big leather duster is kind of hard to translate into formal wear.#wainwright has only ever visited jakobs cove twice. for veritys funeral and post BL1 to make sure that she stayed dead during the whole#ned deal. didn't want his sisters grave to be desecrated like that. didnt let her body get moved back to the estate either.#because she would have Hated to be buried there.#anyways. The Siblings Ever.#young wainwrights face bothers me he Does Not Look LIke That. its his beard he needs his beard...but alas. im eepy.#trapping you all with angel content and then making u look at my ocs and convoluted au#pontia and tyche...ur next#queue#my art
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mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up
I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.
I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.
and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!
None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening
#talkys#a week before i started taking it i had one day where i just never felt ''sleepy'' despite taking 2 melatonin#and feeling very Tired so i just didnt fall asleep. and then when night came again I still went to bed at 5 am and struggled to fall asleep#now we get to 3 am and my body is like ok start wrapping it up im sleepy i want to go to bed i want to go to bed#last nite i didnt fall asleep until 6 am but that was because I forced self to stay awake for comms + got engrossed in phone#time and also the dogs kept howling outside. i woke up at 12pm and did I feel tired? yeah#does the tiredness feel like extreme pain behind my eyes and a hollow aching empty head that keeps me from moving? it does not...!#its like in the very back of my mind...its present but not demanding all my time#in college i would go thru a daydream to fall asleep and i wouldnt even make it to the end before i dozed off#that hasnt worked in years and now its working again
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his brother died and one of his first thoughts were that it should’ve been him instead because now people are going to be disappointed…
#do you realise how fucked up this is#and francis and her husband wondering why he lied to them who he was made me so mad because you. you’re the problem. you and your family#family as in the phantomhives and the midfords but he lied to you because you made him feel like he was worthless as himself#but not lizzie ofc i love her she’s only a kid but she’s smarter than everybody in her family#and real ciel is a reanimated corpse but i don’t think he wants to fight his brother because he said his body won’t do as he says like that#scene has been engraved in my head for so long..#like real ciel cried when ciel told him he wanted to move and start his toy company because he would be away from his brother u can’t tell#me that if he wasn’t a reanimated corpse he would allow his brother to go to jail..#also like#that much trauma aside… he knows and accepts that he’s eventually going to get his soul eaten by a demon in exchange for revenge against#people who wronged him because his childhood was already stolen from him the moment the twins found out what happened to their parents i’m#so unwell…#and it would be the chance to kill off ‘the spare’ and be the ciel everyone wants#and he DID become the ciel everyone wanted but of course his own personality showed because he’s him..#and he’s just a kid too i’m actually getting a heart ache from my son’s character#the vulnerability he shows actually breaks my heart when something bad does happen but also i really like the closure??? of the emerald witc#arc i think that scene was very good..#theres only so much emotion you can bottle up :(#so i think that food scene in lau’s opium den was real as hell he deserves that lash out at the very least#they’ve wronged the twins so bad that it took away ciel’s childhood entirely but he’s STILL living on his dream with funtom all the while#pushing people like soma away from his business because he doesn’t want anything bad to befall them (which it DID but that’s the subject of#another essay it’s very late so i’m going to sleep goodnight)#anyways my point is#my son is the character ever and he’s so special to me#there’s so much more i want to say but i’ll write essays in my notes app and not here bye bye take care#kuroshitsuji
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observing that there might be a connection between significant levels of pain and poor mood
#trying to unobserve the significant pain meaning anything#telling stories to ourselves about that time we went for a month without sleep and every day felt on top of the world#which happened a month ago. a month ago#but might as well have never existed this is ALL that has ever been#clearly we're dying. there's no other explanation#nerve pinch? more like acute spine cancer#chronic pain#I'm also sure there's NO correlation whatsoever between 'a month without sleep and every day on top of the world'#and present state of acute everything is fucking breaking in this body#these things could not be related#disability#I just want this to stop honestly#it's the kind of shit that a painkiller apparently can't tackle#because wowee why would I want relief#and I recognise if I moved it might get better#but at the same time I'm tired of having to do something all of the time to cope with this#I just want it to stop and fuck off#I want to think of literally ANYTHING else#but my whole body is just. burning#every muscle is on fire and aches like we have a high fever#our fingers are so fucking stiff#moving our back is just this chorus of sandy crackles#surely it could not be arthritis#at this rate going to turn on Gladiator II just for the emotional support fellow chronic illness sufferer#Caracalla you're the only thing right now that makes this suck any less#doctor: so how does that work exactly#us: don't know and not going to examine it further
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he drew the abs on with sharpie, don't fall for the gremlin's tricks
#giant gremlin wife#playing with a blitzy design i want a football player look#his body type is like muscular but kinda lean in the middle#and for astrotrain idk if i want him to be a fridge shape or chubky. either are sexy as fuck#im leaning more toward the chunky idea cus of the contrast#i love drawing duos that contrast each other (round shapes wide earnest eyes bee and sharp shifty serious cliff)#their friendship is so important to me#i love astro and blitz's friendship too#blitz has definitely rode astros train#huh who said th#tfa blitzwing is chubby in my eyes#g1 blitz tries to make fun of him but secretly wants to make out with himself so fucking bad it's not even funny#onceler selfcest has infected the germans#blitz is like the asshole star wide receiver going pro after college and astro is the big linebacker thats just playing cus the scholarship#hes an engineer major lol#blitz does one year then goes to pro then calls astro complaining and whining if he can beat these mfs up bcs now football is kinda hard#astro just listens to blitz's complaining on speakerphone for 25 hrs while studying#it's lowkey helpful with focusing for some reason.. forcing him to tune out everything to focus on his studies#or btw they are very much robots here lol going to robot college and robot nflLOL#oh um it looks bad bcs i dont line or color art bcs um im lazy lol but#he has a split tongue that can move separately. one side is all icy and one is flamey#he also has 3 separate sets of different styled teeth and can unhinge his jaw to show them#make cybertronians freaky again 2024#transformers#tf g1#transformers g1#transformers generation one#i hate tag variations with my soul but alas i want to make friends#blitzwing#maccadam
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