#but maybe they should be treated less as a call for argument and more like. idk. sitting in a room full of ppl with some heads nodding

[puppyeared]

this could just be "gatekeeping but im being really polite abt it" but. its less abt thinking only certain ppl should be allowed in, and more like i dont wanna open a pandoras box that makes it difficult for everyone to have fun. shrugs

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

[velvetvexations]

Okay, so like.

Someone can say they're not saying transmascs have it easier, but you are actually still saying that even if the way you're actually phrasing it is "transfems have it harder."

The thought-terminating cliché that AFAB people are allowed more room to navigate the way they express themselves in a gendered way is bobolynery. People who spread this to make themselves feel like even more a righteous victim are annoying and piss me off. That goes without saying. But the argument that AMAB kids will have less chances to explore options is equally ridiculous, because even if it may be true that in some areas and contexts women are allowed to wear pants, that is not and has never been a major component of egg cracking to begin with.

You can't simultaneously argue that this is not a gendered act yet also somehow something that helps an AFAB person identify with masculinity. Like, countless millions of women wear pants every day without being transmasc. If it's truly NBD, how does that work? How, might one imagine, are transmasc eggs cracked by wearing pants if they're surrounded by women doing the same thing every moment of their lives?

If anything, by this logic, it should be harder for transmasc eggs to crack! If the line keeping AMAB people from being women is so thick, wanting to paint your nails is an instant signal you might prefer identifying as a woman, whereas a short haircut is not that in any place where you propose the line keeping women from masculine presentation is thin.

But the idea that trans women would even need something like that is absurd. It is also, I suspect, tied into those chugging the radfem juice who call sissy kink (trans)misogynyistic for treating being a woman as degrading. Like, an absolutely massive number of people with a sissy kink are in fact actual trans women, because they grew up understanding that they wanted to be women but non-consensual degrading situations being their primary outlet for that.

I'm not saying it isn't great things are different now. Of course it's a beautiful, wonderful sign of progress that "haha cartoon where boy forced to wear lipstick" is no longer the only thing trans girls have to turn to. The point, however, is that an AMAB child understanding their desire to be seen as a girl has always been extremely common. I do not have the data to suggest it's overwhelmingly the majority, but it is certainly not rare compared to the amount of transmascs who have that same understanding of themselves. Even many transitioning for the first time as adults report having always known.

Maybe there are simply more transmascs than transfems because there just are? Have you considered that? That maybe there are just more transmascs than transfems and it's not because transmascs get the red carpet rolled out for them?

[noosayog]

003 the grudge

✧ wc: 4.1k

✧ warnings/content: itoshi rin x reader, no gendered pronouns used but lease lmk if I missed any! sfw, angst to fluff (hopeful ending), arguments and lots of swearing. another fic where I project bc of messed up things my old romantic partners have said to me, hope y'all enjoy!

✧ GUTS masterlist, regular masterlist

divider from @/cafekitsune

“How come you never ask me how my day is?” you ask. It’s quiet, like you’re scared of how he will respond. But you can’t help it. Every day, when Rin comes home from practice, you’re there to greet him at the door. You always have dinner ready no matter how tired you are. And every day, Rin grunts. On a good day, he gives you a peck on the cheek. On bad days, he throws his gym bag down and heads straight for the bath. Then, he comes to sit at the dinner table and eats silently. 

Just once, you’d like him to ask you how your day was. Maybe come home with flowers or a cake from the neighborhood bakery occasionally. You wouldn’t think it too much to ask, but the years of this routine make your question your every thought. You start to forget that being in a relationship shouldn’t consist of you walking on eggshells every day.

Rin looks up from his meal, swallowing before responding, “because you always tell me whether or not I ask.” 

It’s a reasonable response. But it’s cold and callous. Not the answer you were looking for. 

“But why can’t you just ask?”

He cocks his head. Confused, not annoyed. 

Not yet at least. 

“Why would I? If there’s something you wanna tell me, just say it.” 

“I just want you to want to ask sometimes. Makes me feel less like I’m forcing you to listen to me.” 

“You’re not.”

“I know, but that’s not the point.” 

“So what’s the point then?” 

You recognize the change in his tone. He’s starting to become irritated. 

“The point is that I just want you to show you care sometimes. Without having me to ask you to do it.” 

“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, but you hear it loud and clear all the same. 

“Is it that unreasonable for me to ask that of you?” 

“Fine. How was your day?” he grits out, forcing a smile that looks more like he’s baring his teeth at you. 

“Rin, this isn’t what I want.” 

He puts his chopsticks down loudly. “You just said that’s what you wanted. So I’m doing it.”

“Not like this, Rin,” you say frustratedly, not sure how else you can communicate. “I just want you to want to be here with me. Act like you’re my boyfriend and that you’re happy to do it.” 

“I wouldn’t be here, living with you, if I didn’t. What else do you want from me?”

It’s condescending and patronizing. It makes you feel like you are being the childish one here. 

“Is it so hard that once in a while, you do something extra to show it?” you ask, voice small. “Like getting me flowers or even surprising me with a treat from the bakery I like?” 

Rin runs a hand down his face, not even bothering to hide how foolish he thinks this conversation is. You feel the sting behind your eyes start to build. 

“If you want flowers and a cake or something, just tell me. I’m not a fucking mind reader. How would I know you want those things unless you tell me?” 

“I’m not saying I want flowers or a cake specifically. But-” 

“Then what do you want!” He's yelling now. “I’m telling you I’ll buy the damn flowers if you ask. You’re always expecting people around you to read your mind. Use your fucking words!” 

At that, you shrink away, closing in around yourself as you recall the phone call between the two of you months ago, having very much the same conversation. 

“You always expect the people around you to read your mind. Why don’t you use your fucking words when you want something?” 

That’s unfair, you think. In every other situation, you would agree. You do have a problem with communicating what you want. You know that. But should you really have to ask to have Rin tell you he loves you once in a while? For him to just show he cares by taking initiative and doing something nice for you? To want him to want to do something for you, even as simple as asking how your day was when he gets home without you having to ask? 

But your insecurities get the best of you and objectively, he’s right. You answer in a small voice, “Sorry, Rin.” 

There’s silence on the other line and for one second, you think that he’s going to apologize too and the floodgates would open and you two would open up and share everything that’s been building up. 

Instead, you hear a click. Rin had cut the line. 

When you have nothing else to say, Rin stands up, storming towards the bedroom, muttering, “Jesus, you’re always like this. Don’t start an argument if you can’t finish it.” 

The bedroom door slams. 

– 

Rin is used to silence, prefers it actually. He gets enough noise from the daily racket the Blue Lock team makes. So at night, when he comes home to you, he appreciates the way you let him be. He’s content to sit there, listening to you talk quietly about your day. Your voice is a soothing one in comparison to the rowdy, grating ones of his teammates. 

So when you ask him to take initiative to start the conversation sometimes, he’s uncomprehending. Your daily routine is fine as is; don’t his nods and noises of acknowledgement show that he’s listening to you? He gets enough nagging from Isagi and Bachira to talk more; he really doesn’t need to hear it at home too. 

He can’t understand what it is you want him to do, because you were the one who strong-armed yourself into his life, persistent in trying to converse with him at the coffee shop you both frequented, until he finally asked you out on a date. You were always the one to initiate conversation. 

So when you propose change to the relationship dynamic, Rin feels like you’re throwing a big wrench in the cogs that seem to be working perfectly fine. 

After a long, hot shower, Rin goes back into the bedroom, expecting to find you curled up in bed. Rin isn’t worried. Regardless of whether you were still sulking or ready to go back to your usual self, he knows from experience that he just needs to reach his arms out and you would be eagerly pushing yourself into his side of the bed to get as close as you possibly can. 

But when he enters the bedroom, the room is empty and the beddoor he slammed shut before remains closed. It’s then that he hears some shuffling in the living room, a couple of muffled sniffles and the quiet click of a door shutting. That wasn’t the sound of the spare bedroom door. That’s the sound of the front door. 

Immediately, Rin bolts out to the kitchen. There, he finds all the dishes cleaned and put away, the dining table wiped down. You are not to be found. 

Waves of frustration wash over him again. If you were going to be so upset about this, why won’t you just come find him and tell him? Rin thinks you could not have proved his point from your earlier argument any better than just up and leaving in a tantrum. 

He should call, he thinks. If it were him, he’d just prefer space, quiet, and some alone time, but knowing you, he thinks you’d appreciate at least a gesture. 

No, he rethinks. Just give them some time to calm down. 

Pushing down the wave of worry, he slumps onto the couch, telling himself you’ll come home soon. The seconds drag by like hours so he puts on game footage to rewatch to pass the time. The seconds do not pass by any quicker as he continues to glance at his phone between plays. 

Finally, he can’t handle it anymore and dials your number. The line rings once, twice, then he hears buzzing from the kitchen. Rin walks towards the source of the sound and finds your phone on the kitchen counter. It sits there, the buzzing continuing, mocking him. 

Rin lets it ring for a couple of moments longer before he grabs a coat and bolts out the door. 

Stupid! Who leaves without their phones? 

It’s well after sunset and dark outside. Even if the two of you live in a nice neighborhood, you should know better than to wander around by yourself after dark. Without your phone no less. 

How long has it been since you’ve left? 

As he runs by all the convenience stores in the area and the minutes go by without being able to find you, his irritation at your irresponsibleness morphs into guilt. He should’ve come out much sooner to find you, shouldn’t have let you cry by yourself. Now you’re out somewhere, crying all alone on the night streets of Tokyo. Irrational panic wells up in his chest at the thought of someone taking advantage of your vulnerable state. 

When he exhausts all of his options, he sighs, knowing the only place left unchecked is one of your friend's places. The same friends who he knows dislike him. The same ones who think you can do better. 

He reluctantly pulls out his phone to give your friends a call; if they pick up, he’ll come get you and the two of you will go home together. But the first thing that greets him is a text saying you’re fine and that you are indeed at a friend’s place to crash for the night. Unsure of where that leaves him, he returns to your shared apartment. 

And as Rin sits with the sterile kitchen and unusual quiet of the space, for the first time ever, he really contemplates the idea of you finding someone better. He dimly remembers a similar conversation the two of you had, perhaps over the phone a while back? Through all the years he has known you, he supposes it is a habit of yours to want things without vocalizing them. Like the times the two of you are watching a movie together and you look between his cup of tea and the kitchen until he gets the hint to go make you a cup. Or when you’re eating together and you stare at his plate until he spoons some of whatever he’s having into your waiting mouth. Rin’s not too sure how those unremarkable situations are different from what happened at dinner tonight. 

And while Rin has never minded taking care of you and learning all the ins and outs of your body language, he’s realizing that these little things that rarely register in his mind may have been snowballing in yours. 

But on days when he comes home, totally spent from practice, he acknowledges that he won’t be able to put the effort into fulfilling your unsaid desires. And that’s almost every day. 

So as he sits on the couch, visualizing a life of yours without him, he thinks it might be for the best. He waits at home for you. When you come home, the two of you can have a mature conversation about a future where you are with someone who can make you happy. 

–

It’s late morning when you return home, unsurprisingly but not unexpectedly finding the apartment empty. Rin has gone to practice. 

You berate yourself for even wishing for one moment that Rin would have skipped practice to wait for you.

You suppose it’s like all your expectations of Rin: things piling up that you wish he would do but you never ask him for. 

You busy yourself cleaning, reading, watching TV, napping. The day passes by painfully slowly. You finally hear the click of the front door right as you finish preparing dinner – an elaborate meal of Rin’s favorites as your way of meeting him in the middle. 

You greet him at the door and after he takes off his shoes and drops his bag, he meets your eyes. There’s no detectable expression; he doesn’t look particularly surprised, upset, nor happy to see you at home waiting for you. 

What he does do, however, is walk up to you and pull you into his arms. 

His gesture overwhelms you. It’s not exactly what you’ve been asking for, but it’s enough. You sniffle lightly into his jacket. He just holds you and you let him – it’s precisely what you want and need. 

After a while of the two of you simply standing together in the entryway, your arms around his waist remain tight as you ask, “what are you thinking about, Rin?” 

He’s silent but squeezes your shoulders. 

A smile overtakes your lips. That’s when you remember you had prepared dinner for him. This seems like an appropriate time to offer it up as an apology, but Rin doesn’t seem to be ready to move. 

You let go, intending to lead him to the dinner table, but even as your arms unwind from around him, his hold remains tight. 

“Rin?” 

“I’m thinking about how I’m going to let you go.” 

You freeze. 

Rin doesn’t say anything more. He lets the words hang in the air and no matter how long the two of you stand there, the words don’t change. 

“I thought you came home to make up with me,” you say. 

Rin still refuses to let go. “I’ve thought about it,” he says quietly, slowly. “I think I finally get what you want from me. But I can’t give you that. I can’t be different and that might mean that I can’t be what you want. At least not in an emotional partner.” 

You shove him away. “You don’t know that! How can you know what I want! I never-” 

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t think I can give you what you want without needing you to ask for it. And I think you deserve someone who can.” 

You shake your head, different tears rearing to make an appearance. “You said it yourself, Rin. You’re not a mind-reader. I know I have to do a better job of telling you when I…” 

He shakes his head too. 

“No, I don’t think you’re asking too much. I think you’re completely right. But I can’t do it. There’s definitely someone else out there who can do it for you.” 

“If it’s not too much to ask, then why can’t you try! Why are you just giving up? You’re so unwilling to try that you’d rather break up?!” 

You’re hysterical at this point. Rin’s calm demeanor just makes it worse. 

“I love you,” Rin says solemnly. “but I can’t keep hurting you like this. Especially when I know I can’t change.” 

Rin says every word deliberately, with finality. Every word drains more and more fight from you. 

“Cant? Or won’t?” 

Rin only meets your gaze steadily. 

There are no more words, no more fight you have left. What more can you do but say okay? 

– 

For Rin, everything has gone exactly as he had expected. He would go even as far as to say that the night the two of you agreed to break up, he slept dreamlessly. He went to practice the following day and performed just as usual. He had dinner alone, but he’s no longer in a position to wonder where you spent dinner and so he cleans up and showers and falls into another fitless sleep. 

It’s only when the weekend comes around that something starts to stir. 

As agreed, you decide to move out despite Rin offering the apartment to you. It was a strange feeling when you had told him the apartment had too many memories for you to remain in it alone. He has never thought of it that way before, associating a tangible thing to an intangible feeling, unless it was a soccer ball flying into a goal. 

Sae had come over to help you move out. 

During your years of dating, Rin was aware that you and his older brother got along well. While your friendship with his brother had never really bothered him, he had also never considered you closer to Sae than he, himself, to Sae. 

So he finds it uncomfortable that Sae is the one helping you leave. 

But despite his initial reservations, the morning goes by uneventfully, the two brothers packing your things away into boxes. 

After lunch, you decide to join Sae to pack your half of the kitchen while Rin takes the bathroom. It takes him less than 30 minutes to separate all your items from his, a variety of colorful bottles and jars that he’s never touched. It takes even less time to pack them away into one single plastic container. 

Something strikes Rin in the gut when he realizes how easy it is to pack years into a single box. Unable to shake the punching feeling in his gut, he picks up a bottle of lotion that has been untouched by either of you for years to ask if you’d like to take it. He could care less about the lotion but he needs to walk away from the unfamiliar sight of the sink now only decorated with a sparse scattering of his grey-tone products. 

When he turns the corner to the kitchen, he sees you sitting on the counter, dictating items for Sae to grab from the cabinets. The domesticity between the two of you in his home makes the punchy feeling he wants to run from punch harder. 

He watches Sae point at a matching set of mugs, ones that Rin remembers easily. He surprises himself with how easily the memory of those mugs resurfaces: a vivid image of the two of you in a home goods store picking your first couple’s mugs. You shake your head and Sae moves to the next items in the cabinet. Rin’s gut wrenches at how easily you make your decision to leave those mugs behind. 

The next items are a set of glasses the two of you had bought as a souvenir on a weekend trip to Osaka. They weren’t matching, one of the glasses littered with various cute images associated with Osaka and the other with only printed lettering of “Osaka” on it. Despite the contrasting designs, he remembers you putting the glasses that each of you individually picked out together and squealing over how they look like a matching set. He didn’t understand then but as he watches you direct Sae to pack the glass with the cute images and leave the glass with the simple lettering, he starts to understand. His glass gets left in the cabinets. 

When the cabinet has been picked and chosen through to your liking, Sae moves over to where you’re sat on the counter and offers his hand to help you off. You take it and hop off. The scene that unfolds next is what finally makes Rin realize that the uncomfortable feeling in his chest is akin to that of a heart attack, no, even more pedestrian – jealousy. 

He watches as your expression crumbles and you bury your face into your hands. It hits him that it’s the first time he has seen you cry after the breakup. And on instinct, he begins to walk to where you are to offer comfort, but it’s Sae who wraps one arm around you and runs his hands up and down your arm. 

It strikes Rin then. 

It's one thing to think about letting you go be with someone who is the partner you deserve. 

It's another to actually do it and see it. It's another thing to go through with it. 

And the most jarring realization today is that maybe Rin is more capable of what he had originally thought. Maybe he can’t read your mind, but the years of being with you, living with you, loving you, has taught him that he can understand you without needing you to say anything. 

Like right now. Sae has one arm around your trembling figure, pulling you into his side, but what you really want is someone who will wrap both arms around your shoulders. You’d push your damp face into the nearest neck or collarbone when one arm comes up to cradle your head. You’d whimper when the one holding your nuzzles their face against your hair. It’s muscle memory. 

For both you and him. 

And just like that, Rin changes his mind. 

He charges onto the scene. 

“I’ll take it from here.” 

– 

“I’ll take it from here.” 

Sae lifts his arm from your shoulder, but by instinct, you cower, stepping behind him, just enough to hide your face. It takes you a few seconds to pull yourself together, school your expression to face Rin. When you look up, you find that the brothers have come to some sort of silent understanding, Sae nodding and patting your head before vacating the apartment, leaving you and Rin and the thick haze of tension. 

Sae forgotten, you swipe messily at your face one last time for stray tears, playing it off as wiping the sweat from your forehead. 

You turn back to the cabinets, busying yourself by reaching up for the remaining mugs. “We almost finished the kitchen. I just need to go through a couple more cupboards and…” 

“Hey.” 

You feel him before you hear him. Rin is all up in your space, one hand resting on the counter to your left, caging you against the counter. 

“Stop,” his commanding voice tells you. 

You turn around. 

“Can I take it back?” he asks. 

You fluster. 

“Oh! Um,” you respond, voice startlingly loud. “The mugs? Which one did you want to keep? I didn’t mean to take-” 

“Not that,” he stops your rambling. “Can I take what I said back? About breaking up. I want to take it all back.” 

He pries the mug from between your fingers and sets it back into its home in the cupboards. 

“What does ‘take it back’ mean?” you squeak out. 

“It means I don’t want to break up anymore.” 

Your mouth moves faster than your brain. 

“You can’t just take a break up back.” 

“So how can I do it then? I’ll do anything.” 

“You can’t!” you raise your voice then. “You just… can’t.” the last word uttered as a whisper. 

“Yes, we can. Tell me what to do. I’m sorry. Sorry. I know you do a lot for me and I thought I couldn’t do that for you. But I know I can. I can do it better than anyone else. So please, let me take it back.” 

“Do you even know what we were arguing about in the first place? Do you remember that one time, so long ago, you said the same thing to me over the phone? To use my fucking words? Well maybe you don’t, but I remember every word.”

“I remember,” he says honestly. “And I’m sorry I said it that way. So much that it hurt you. So much that you still remember the exact words I said to you. But I don’t need to read your mind.

“Though I would like you to tell me explicitly what you like sometimes,” he adds thoughtfully. 

“But, I’ve loved you for long enough now that I don’t need to read your mind to know what you need. Maybe I won’t always know what you want, so I’ll still need you to tell me sometimes, but I always know what you need.” 

A lot of the things Rin says are very matter of fact and this is no different. He knows before you do that you’ll give in. 

He closes the small distance and pulls you into a tight embrace. It’s enough to open the floodgates. 

“Do you even know how many hours I’ve spent practicing arguments against you in my head? In the shower, in the car, when I’m getting ready for bed? You can’t just say a few sorry’s and think it’s enough.” 

“Mhm,” he nods, cradling your head in a way you know he knows makes you the most vulnerable. 

“I make you feel so guilty in my imagination. I don’t want to feel like that anymore,” you sob. 

“Yeah,” he says, continuing to stroke your hair.

“And you can’t talk to me like that anymore.” 

“I won’t,” he promises. 

He lets you soak his shirt with tears and after what feels like hours, you finally bring your hands up to clutch tightly at his shirt. 

“So how was your day?” he asks. 

You pinch his sides. “Not now, idiot.” 

You hear him chuckle a bit, the vibrations against your body comforting. He continues holding you, though, just the way you know he knows you like.

[storiesforallfandoms]

one of the guys ~ jimmy smith jr;8 mile

word count: 3481

request?: no

description: she’s always been viewed as just “one of the guys” despite having feelings for one of her friends, and now it’s looking likely that she’s going to lose him to the wannabe model

pairing: jimmy smith jr. x female!reader

warnings: swearing, pining

masterlist (one, two, three)

I had known Jimmy and Future since we were a bunch of snot nosed kids causing trouble on the playground in elementary school. Cheddar Bob was next, having followed us around like a lost puppy until we finally adopted him. Iz and Sol joined our little group in high school, and then we were complete.

For as long as I had known the guys, they considered me to be...well, one of the guys. Even after I went through puberty and actually started looking like a girl, I was still just one of the guys. It didn’t bother me for the most part. When you’re a kid, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a boy or a girl. We all played the same, caused trouble the same. But when we hit puberty, I found myself not liking being considered “one of the guys” anymore.

Especially when I realized I had feelings for Jimmy.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a part of the friend group and I couldn’t ask for a better set of friends. What I definitely could ask for, though, was for those friends to recognize I was a woman and treat me as such. Namely, I wished Jimmy would realize that.

One Friday evening, just like every Friday evening, I had just pulled into my driveway and was walking up to my front door when I heard another car pulling up behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to know it was Future.

“Get your ass changed, we’re going out!” he called.

“Future, I just got home,” I said.

“So?”

“So maybe I don’t want to go out with you chuckle fucks after I just worked an eight hour shift.”

“We both know that’s not the truth.”

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. He was right, I did want to go out. We went out every Friday night. It was a group tradition at this point. If I was seriously turning it down, there’d have to be something wrong with me.

“Give me 10 minutes,” I told Future before slipping into my house to change.

I was in and out in less time than I told him. I just changed out of my work clothes and into jeans and a t-shirt, and was ready to go again. I got into the passenger seat of Future’s car and he didn’t even wait for me to buckle myself in before he was backing out of my driveway and driving off to get the others.

“I fear for my life every time I get in the car with you,” I joked as I managed to buckle my seatbelt.

“Well, lucky for you, Jimmy agreed to drive tonight. His car can hold more people anyways.”

“Who else is going with us?”

“Just the usual.”

I looked over at Future in confusion. His tone definitely made me think there was someone else coming along for the night, but it seemed he wasn’t going to tell me. I couldn’t figure out who could possibly be joining us that Future wouldn’t want to tell me about beforehand.

We pulled into the trailer park and parked next to Jimmy’s car. Jimmy was exiting his trailer before we were even out of the car, as usual. Jimmy was usually waiting for us to show up and would be itching to leave his mom’s place as soon as he could. Jimmy gave Future one of their high five hugs, and patted me on the shoulder. It was just a step up from me also getting a high five hug, but not by much.

We got into Jimmy’s car, all three of us in the front. We started for Iz and Sol first, then Cheddar Bob. Once the car was full it was nothing but noise as each of the guys was talking over one another with Jimmy’s radio blaring as extra noise.

“How was work, by the way?” Jimmy asked me over the current argument between Future and Sol.

“Same bullshit as always,” I responded.

“I guess we should be lucky you even agreed to come out with us after working all day, meanwhile all we do is sit on our asses like a bunch of bums.”

I playfully nudged his shoulder. “Hey, you work, too.”

“I wouldn’t consider the Stamping work.”

I chuckled. I noticed then that we weren’t headed for the club. “Where are we going?”

“To pick up Alex.”

I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I looked over at Future. I couldn’t tell if he was actually deep in conversation with Iz or if he was just ignoring me. So this was who was joining us that he didn’t want to tell me about.

Alex.

She was a girl Jimmy had met at his work. She was a model apparently, or was trying to be one. Jimmy didn’t talk about her much, but the other guys didn’t waste a single moment in teasing him about her. It didn’t take a genius to realize he liked her.

Alex was waiting as Jimmy pulled up. She was wearing her usual mini skirt so short that you could basically see everything whenever she moved. It made me feel very self conscious about my choice in jeans.

Future opened the door and got out.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked. I already knew the answer and hoped he’d see the look of begging on my face.

“I’ll get in the back with the idiots,” he said. “I’d assume Alex will be more comfortable pressed up against you instead of Sol.”

“Yo, fuck you!” Sol snapped.

I hoped my clenched jaw would go unnoticed as Alex slid into the seat next to me. Her eyes immediately went to Jimmy and they shared a smile that made me wish I could throw myself from the moving car.

We got to the club and piled into our usual table while Future got the first round of shots. Cheddar Bob and Iz were sat on one end, I was in the middle, Jimmy and Alex were sat next to me, and Sol had pulled up a chair. When Future returned, he slid in next to Cheddar Bob. The table chorused with cheers as we held up our shots then shot them back.

I tried to play it cool, but having to sit next to Alex and Jimmy while they were flirting up a storm was making me more tense by the minute. When Sol offered to get the next round of drinks, I jumped to give him the money to buy me two of the strongest drinks he could for me. I downed the first one quickly, but took my time with the second. It didn’t take long for the shot and the first drink to kick in. My head was spinning and I felt care free and light as air.

At some point, when the drinks had hit me hard enough, I shoved against Iz’s shoulder and said (or rather slurred), “Hey, can you guys move? I gotta pee.”

“Yo, go the other way,” Future said. “There’s three of us here and only two on your other side.”

“You’re gonna break the dam this early in the night?” Sol asked. “You may as well sit on the end when you come out. You’ll be back and forth for the next few hours.”

“Look, I don’t care who moves and I don’t care where I sit when I come back, I just have to pee now.”

“Here, we’ll move,” Jimmy said.

He and Alex moved out of the booth and allowed me to get out. When I stood, I realized just how drunk I already was as I almost immediately lost my balance. I felt someone grab hold of me as the rest of the table chorused in laughter at my drunkenness. When I looked up, it was Jimmy that had taken hold of me. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

“I’m getting you water when you come back,” he said. “And you gotta pace yourself.”

“You’re always looking out for me,” I said. “You’re such a good friend.”

I put emphasis on the friend for my own benefit, but there was also some level of petty in the word. A reminder for both of us that that was the only way he saw me: as a friend. One of the guys that he went out drinking with every weekend, that he smoked with in the basement of someone’s house, that he ran around Detroit with causing mayhem since we were tykes.

I saw a look flash across his face that I couldn’t quite decipher, but I assumed I was just seeing things in my drunken haze.

I managed to make it to the bathroom on my own without incident. Once I was safely inside of a stall, I was able to sit down again. I almost didn’t want to get up and go back out to the table. Sitting was safe. The world didn’t spin when I was sat down. But I also couldn’t be sat on the toilet in a club bathroom all night either. I knew Sol was right about me going back and forth to the bathroom now that I had broken the dam, but if I put enough time between this bathroom visit and the next, maybe the spinning wouldn’t be as bad by then.

When I stepped out of the stall to wash my hands, I jumped to see that someone was waiting there.

Alex.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said.

I waved away her apology. “It’s fine. I just didn’t hear anyone else come in.”

I stepped around her to wash my hands. She turned to face me as I did. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something.”

I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“Is there anything going on between you and Jimmy?”

The question took me by surprise. Why would she think there was anything between us? In all the time that Jimmy had known Alex, I had only met her once before after the lot of us had run into her at a house party. I remembered Jimmy only having eyes for her that night, too. There was no reason I could even fathom that she would believe Jimmy and I had a thing going on when he was so clearly into her.

“No,” I said. “He’s my best friend. Has been since we were kids.”

“And that’s it? Just friendship?”

“Yeah. What’s this about?”

She sighed. “I really like Jimmy, and I thought he liked me, too. But he’s never really asked me out or anything yet. I didn’t know if maybe you two had a thing going on and I read the whole situation wrong. I’ve known far too many guys who claim to be just friends with a girl and turns out they’re actually fucking around.”

Trust me, I wish that’s what was going on here.

Against my better judgement, I put my hands on Alex’s shoulders and said, “If you really like Jimmy and you want things to be more serious, maybe you should make the first move.”

She looked as though she had never even considered that option. “You think so? That won’t seem too...direct?”

“Who gives a shit? Why do men always have to be the ones to make the first move? Most of them are fucking idiots anyways and wouldn’t know if a girl liked them even if she was telling him to his face.” Alex chuckled. “If you want him, go get him.”

She nodded. I was taken by surprise when she suddenly pulled me into a hug. I reluctantly patted her on the back and tried to put the best smile I could muster on my face.

“You’re the best,” she said. “I think we’re going to be great friends.”

I bit my tongue as she hurried out the bathroom door.

That interaction was enough to sober me up more than I wanted. I could feel myself tearing up, but tried to fight it back. I turned to lean against the sink and looked up at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t help but notice everything that Alex had that I didn’t: gorgeous face, sexy voice, body of a model. I couldn’t even dream of leaving the house in a skirt as short as hers without feeling completely embarrassed and exposed. Of course Jimmy would like her, and of course he was going to say yes when she asked him to go out with her.

I hung my head as the tears slipped from my eyes and ran down my face into the sink. I prayed no one would come into the bathroom and find me here crying, and luckily someone was looking out for me because no one did. Once I felt like I had cried myself dry, I quickly splashed my face with cold water and tried to pretend everything was alright. I figured everyone was going to question where I had been for so long, but I didn’t feel like coming up with a fake answer to tell them. If I told them to fuck off, they wouldn’t pry.

My steps faltered a little when I exited the bathroom and saw that Alex and Jimmy were missing from the table. I was tempted to go right to the bar and get another drink, but I pushed through and went back to my group of friends.

“Hey, you good?” Future asked as I sat down in the booth.

“Yeah, just sobered up a little,” I responded. “Where did Jimmy and Alex go?”

“Alex asked to talk to him in private,” Cheddar Bob responded. “But that was a while ago, so who knows where they are now.”

I noticed both Future and Iz elbow him, causing him to spill some of his drink on himself. I didn’t care to imagine where Jimmy had taken Alex after she asked him out. I didn’t need to have that image burned in my mind for the rest of the night.

Everyone went back to their conversations, but I found myself not paying any attention to them. I kept glancing around the club, expecting to see Jimmy and Alex tucked away in a private corner, sucking face as if they were trying to blend into one person. Or maybe they’d be on the dance floor, practically dry humping in front of everyone. I didn’t think Jimmy was one to dance, but Alex had enough allure that she could’ve probably convinced him. But I didn’t see them, and that almost made it all worse.

Eventually I stood from the table suddenly, bringing everyone’s attention to me. “I need some air.”

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Cheddar Bob asked.

“No, I’ll be fine,” I said. I turned and quickly made for the exit.

Once I was outside, I breathed in the cool night air. It filled my lungs, but it didn’t seem to help soothe me at all.

“You alright?”

“Jesus!” I hissed as I turned towards the voice. It was Jimmy, leaning up against the club. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“Free country,” he said with a shrug. “Are you good?”

“Just needed air. It felt very stuffy inside.”

I walked over to stand next to him. The rough brick wall dug into my back through my t-shirt. It was cool out, but not enough to make me feel like I needed a jacket or anything. I was standing so close to Jimmy that I could feel the heat coming from his body anyways.

“Where’s Alex?” I asked. “The guys said you two went off to talk in private.”

“She left,” he responded.

I looked at him in shock. “What? And went where?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Home, I guess?”

“Don’t you think you should’ve driven her? It’s not exactly the safest for her to be walking alone at night.”

“I offered, but she turned it down. Said she didn’t wanna see me ever again.”

I’ve definitely missed a lot of things here. “What happened?”

Jimmy sighed. “Well, she got up and went to the bathroom after you, said something about wanting to make sure you were okay where you were so drunk. Then when she came back she asked me if we could talk in private. She brought me outside and told me how she had been waiting for me to ask her out properly since we first met and she was tired of waiting, so she made the first move to ask me if I wanted to go on an official date with her.”

“And you said...”

He looked at me for a second before responding, “No. Obviously.”

Well, yeah, it was obvious that he said no. But what wasn’t obvious was why he had said no.

“I thought you were into her,” I said.

He laughed. “Who told you that?”

I shrugged. “The guys seemed convinced you were.”

“The guys don’t know shit about shit. They just like talking a big game and making fun of each other.” I just looked at him, waiting to see if there was any more he had to say. He looked at me then away again. “No, I’m not into her. She’s beautiful, yes, but I don’t see her that way.”

“Wait, so if you don’t see her like that, then why did you invite her tonight?”

“I didn’t. She was at the Stamping today and asked if she could come along. I guess this was her plan.”

Well, it wasn’t her plan until I told her to go after Jimmy, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

I felt like everything had just been flipped upside down. I was so sure that Jimmy had been reciprocating Alex’s feelings. It seemed like that anyways. Or maybe it seemed like that because I was making it seem that way. I was projecting something onto the two of them that wasn’t really there, I guess because of my jealousy?

“Sucks that she didn’t handle the rejection well,” I said.

“It wasn’t the rejection, it was the reason I rejected her.”

My brows furrowed together. “The reason being...you didn’t like her like that?”

“No. Well...yes. Kind of.”

“You know, for a man who can freestyle, you’re god awful with your words right now.”

He laughed and lightly nudged me with his shoulder. “It was the reason I said I don’t have feelings for her. I told her that I don’t like her because I like someone else and she didn’t handle that very well.”

I could feel my stomach turning to knots again. “Oh? Didn’t like the competition?”

“No, she said something along the lines of she should’ve trusted her gut, and that all guys who hang out with girls end up fucking them in the end.”

It took a second for what he said to register in my brain. When it did, I thought back to Alex talking to me in the bathroom and asking me if there was anything going on between Jimmy and I because she knew of too many guys who were friends with girls who they were actually fucking. Then, I put the pieces together in my head.

When I turned to look at Jimmy again, he was already watching me, waiting for me to come to the conclusion. “Me?!”

“Jesus, that took you long enough.”

“What do you mean that took me long enough?! Why the fuck haven’t you told me?!”

“Because you’re my best friend! We’ve known each other since kindergarten. If I told you I liked you and you didn’t like me back, that would fuck everything up between us and within the friend group. I would rather feel this way in silence than risk losing you as a friend.”

“If you had told me I would’ve told your dumbass that I like you, too, and I have since high school.”

“Wait...for real?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, for real!”

We both stood in silence. We shared a look, and then a smile broke out on Jimmy’s face. I couldn’t help but mirror it, and soon we were both laughing. With the absurdity of the situation, we couldn’t not laugh.

“We’re both dumbasses,” I said between fits of laughter.

“I guess so,” Jimmy agreed. “That brings up the question, though, of where do we go from here?”

“Well, I think we try a date, just the two of us and not those other idiots in there, and we see how things progress from there.”

He smiled. “Okay, I like that idea.”

“And we promise that if things don’t work out, we stay friends.”

“And we don’t tell the guys about any of this.”

I laughed. “Okay deal.”

[ctheathy]

WRITE ME REDSON X MALE READER 😭 DID I DO IT GOOD NOW!????

Red Son General Headcanons

Redson x Reader

General+Fluff Headcanons

Author’s note: Nuh uh you did absolutely TERRIBLE😡. I should just solve the problem and ban you from my account right now. You even went against my rules dipshi- [The requester and I are friends, don't cancel me]

Possibly OOC, but I tried. I had to depend on the wikipedia for information cause I've never even watched Monkie Kid to begin with. This was really just an exception for a friend of mine.

Redson/Reader [Romantic Tendencies]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

!Male Reader! • Paranoia

The level of priority towards reputation are often known to depend on a rank one was born into or the image they created for themselves over the course of time, which in this case is undoubtedly high... Redson has been shown to hold a lot of family pride and takes any chance to prove his authority over his subclasses. It's safe to say the the demon bull is likely going to have some difficulty swallowing his ego to allow emotional connections to grow and much less legitimise a romantic relationship with someone from the group he has grown acquainted with.

He can also be known to be rather petty and too prideful to accept his flaws. So if happens to be something that irritates you, you're definitely going to end up having one or more squabbles with the son of the Demon Bull King. Especially when it comes to Redson having a fierce temper and such, resulting in him trying to lecture you and get a completely insignificant point across. But I also believe you'd be more capable of keeping him in line instead of if you were to just go along with his behaviour. But it can also cause in a feast of awkwardness, as there have been several occasions where you embarrassingly have to hold Redson back from lashing out at a laughing MK and Mei for calling your arguments a lover's quarrel.

Though even with his high-and-mighty and hostile nature, it is important to remember that as long as a bond is formed, he won't ever actually harm or even remotely think of hurting you. Like, at all. He can be a bit bigmouthed at times, but many of his words should regularly be taken with a grain of salt. He is quick to snap at anyone from time to time, but I believe your presence would definitely keep him tame to a certain degree, as your mere existence just happens to soothe him. So on the bright side, you might be able to kick him off his high horse for the first time during his five hundred years of life.

I can picture Redson having grown up under a domain of regulation where females are generally and more often treated extra delicately due to being more ‘fragile’, so you can expect him to behave firmer, a bit more rough yet open to his real self a lot faster than if you were a female. He'll see you less as a ‘target’ for a lack of better term, and more as a comrade. Plus, if you were to give him the approval he lacked from his parents, it wouldn't feel uncomfortable as long as you have had the opportunity to create a connection. Though primarily, I cannot view intimate scenarios as anything other than plain awkward for a little while. You're gonna have to be the one initiating the hugs with him and give implications to get more touchy feely. Though when surrounded by eyewitnesses, he'll often still end up shooing you away ...you'll perhaps, just maybe absolutely get to hold his hand at most.

I mean, when's the last time you've seen somebody behaving sappy and all goo-goo with the literal son of the Demon Bull King out in the open? He just cannot allow it! Not only for the sake of his dignity, but also to keep up his image so you'll continue seeing him as an almighty demon who has an unnerving amount of political power over any lower rank. As far deep down, hidden within... he wants to appear and be so much more special to you than he'd be willing to admit.

If you were to lack in durability, fighting abilities or overall weapon skills, I can see Redson going out of his way to strictly teach you his ways of strength individually. Not necessarily in a sense to get you to his level, but in order to give you the capability to protect yourself. He would always be there to protect you with ferocious security at a moment's notice [and scold you afterwards for getting yourself in a dangerous situation], but he cannot help but doubt his abilities to ensure your safety at times. Along with fearing for the worst that one time he might not be there to save you. And this singular thought might just be what it takes to make him evaluate how he actually feels about you.

[upon-a-starry-night]

Number Neighbors Part 12

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Natasha Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2k

Summary:  When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little?

----

You wouldn’t call yourself a totally hopeless romantic, but when Leon showed up at your door dressed to the T, holding roses, and asking you out with a charming smirk you nearly swooned.

You placed the flowers in a vase on your kitchen counter where they would probably stay long after they wilted. You took note of how long it even took you to find an actual vase in your place, not to mention how dusty it was.

Modern ‘dating’ has drowned out so much romance these days.

It had been so long since you went on a date you forgot how nice it felt to get out of the house with other people, how nice it felt to be the center of someone's attention and admiration. You wouldn’t say you craved it necessarily but you definitely lacked a lot of social interaction. Not to mention you were 100% touch-starved.

Leon picked you up and took you out to see a movie, it was an unconventional first date but you didn’t mind. Especially not when he held your hand and bought you expensive movie theater snacks. It was cute and simple. It wasn’t like you were expecting a whole lot.

On the way there the two of you got to know each other better, you found out his mother had died 4 years ago and that he had been helping his dad with the restaurant ever since. 

You felt so much respect for him that he’d stuck by his father to help him.

The two of you played 20 questions for most of the car ride, learning simple things about each other like favorite movies, preferred colors, and biggest dreams

It eased a lot of the anxiety you’d been feeling since he picked you up.

Thankfully he didn’t seem to notice how nervous you were and if your palms were sweaty in his, he never commented on it. 

The movie was a comedy that you enjoyed, although you kept getting distracted by Leon playfully stealing your popcorn. 

You were so used to doing things by yourself that you forgot how fun simple things were with other people. 

You really should try to make more friends. 

Your train of thought drifted to Nat a lot of times throughout the night. For some reason, you kept wondering if she would enjoy doing things like this with you. You let yourself indulge in your fantasy for a moment, pretending that Leon was Nat and that you two were meeting up for the first time but not the last time. It wasn’t a bad date but you found it felt better when you imagined Nat there.

You felt less nervous.

It almost got to the point where a joke was made in the movie about spies and you turned to laugh with Nat about the inside joke, only to find Leon with his eyes trained on the screen.

You were the only one in the theater who had laughed.

You shook the thoughts out of your head. Here Leon was treating you to a nice movie and you’re thinking about someone else. 

The rest of the date you tried to focus on Leon and the movie but now there was a distinct feeling of something missing. 

You hated how easily Nat could take over your brain lately, and how much hope and happiness you got from imagining her with you everywhere.

It was becoming a problem so much that you really did begin taking her with you everywhere.

When you went to the grocery store there she was telling you sassily that you should eat more than frozen pizza and chicken nuggets. 

(An argument you’d had over text many times)

When you went to the library she was there telling you to pick out books other than romance novels

Everywhere you went she was there commenting on things

Always faceless but wearing that same red t-shirt from the photo she sent you.

You didn’t realize just how much she had begun to infiltrate your life until now. 

In a way, it comforted you. 

If you couldn’t have the real thing then maybe you could live with Imaginary Nat.

When Leon dropped you off at your apartment you kissed him on the cheek and entered your apartment with a smiling face, immediately opening your phone to text Nat about the whole ordeal. She was quick to text back, she had been more responsive since your break from each other. 

And sassier than ever as well

          Nat🔪:

Nat🔪: 

A Movie? Really?

Y/n🍦:

Shut up it was cute

He held my hand and bought me popcorn

Nat🔪:

Wow.

I’m teeming with jealousy.

Y/n🍦:

It was a first date

Nothing's perfect on a first date.

Nat🔪:

Whoever told you that was a liar.

C’mon, you can’t be serious about that…

Y/n🍦:

I don’t think I’ve ever had a perfect first date

Nat🔪:

Then you’ve been with all the wrong people Y/n.

Y/n🍦:

Where would you take someone on a first date?

She took a while to type, the three dots appearing and disappearing numerous times. You took the spare time to get ready for bed and change into your pajamas. You hopped into bed, reveling in the warmth that the covers brought you. 

Nat🔪:

Depends on the person

Y/n🍦:

Did you take all that time to type that?

What were you thinking before you pressed backspace?

Nat🔪:

Well a date idea for you - based on what you’ve 

told me about yourself-

Probably a rooftop picnic. 

Y/n🍦:

Oh?

You hadn’t been on a picnic in a long time. Going on one did sound nice actually…

Nat🔪:

Since you never get out of the house 

Y/n🍦: 

Hey! I get out enough!

Nat🔪:

Maybe I’d bring a game or some paints, 

You can learn a lot about someone by what they 

Paint on a first date.

Then I’d probably want to walk around 

with you for a bit just to listen to you talk.

Then I’d take you out stargazing. You seem like the type.

Hypothetically, of course.

You threw your phone onto your bed and turned to scream into your pillow. It really was not fair how suave Nat could be sometimes. And how were you supposed to gush about your date when she just made up a much better hypothetical date? You were pretty sure you were blushing more at her idea than you had all night with Leon.

Y/n🍦:

Hypothetically you’re right.

That sounds like a dream

Are you speaking from experience?

You were trying to prepare yourself for if the answer was yes, you had to admit you’d be pretty jealous of whoever got that date. Although you think you’d probably be jealous of anyone going out with Nat, she seems like the type of person to treat her partner right.

You tried not to let your brain go down that path.

Nat🔪:

All of that was specific to you, Y/n.

I wouldn’t do that with anyone else

Screw it, all of your apprehension went out of the window. What were you supposed to say to that?

You immediately began imagining the date Nat described, your favorite foods sprawled across a stereotypical red and white blanket as you looked over the city. Walking around Central Park for hours, finally talking to Nat in person and hearing what her laugh sounded like. Driving away from central New York to the outskirts of town where you can see a million stars. It all sounded like the perfect day. 

And when you tried to imagine it with Leon or anyone else it just didn’t feel quite right.

But you would never get that with her.

So even though it made your heart flutter and your stomach flip you pushed out the thoughts of you and Nat together.

Even if you really wanted to be. 

Shit, You were so in over your head.

~~~

Normally showers were your happy place but You’d practically freaked out when Leon told you your next date would be at a fancy expensive restaurant down the street. You’d passed by it so many times and wondered what the inside looked like but you never thought you’d actually eat there. It made you exponentially nervous.

The types of people you saw going in there were nothing like you.

And if you were honest, you weren’t sure you wanted to be anything like them.

But Leon was treating you and it was such a classic date idea, especially in the movies.

You couldn’t just say no.

Briefly, you wondered if Nat was the kind of person to enjoy expensive restaurants. The thought of her sparked an idea in your head:

Maybe Nat could help you out.

You finished cleaning up and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around your body and quickly wiping your fingers on it to grab your phone.

You paused the soft music you’d been playing and opened the messages app.

Pausing to reread and huff out a laugh at your previous messages. 

Something about Nat complaining about not getting any privacy with her roommates. Something you only recently found out she had.

               Nat🔪:

Y/n🍦:

Emergency!

Nat’s responses were immediate and you almost felt bad for phrasing your text so urgently

Nat🔪:

What?

What is it

Are you okay?

Y/n🍦:

I don’t have anything to wear 😫

Nat🔪:

I’m blocking you.

Y/n🍦:

Natttt 

I need your help

Please

Nat?

Where’d you go?

Nat🔪:

You can no longer send messages to this number

Y/n🍦:

That’s not the real blocked message.

You pathological liar. At least make it believable.

For real I need your help

Nat🔪:

Why is this such a big deal?

Y/n🍦:

I have to wear something fancy to this restaurant

Leon is taking me to.

It’s called Sharp Cuisine

Nat🔪:

Fancy?

That’s not very you

Didn't you two literally meet in a diner?

Y/n🍦:

Hey, I’ll never say no to free food.

Nat🔪:

How can he even afford a place like that?

Y/n🍦:

Maybe he has connections?

Nat🔪:

If that’s the case have fun eating

In the storage closet

Y/n🍦: 

I’m so stressed out, I don’t

Go out enough to have fancy outfits.

I think there’s dust on my clubbing outfit…

Nat🔪:

That’s depressing.

Dates aren’t meant to be stressful Y/n.

Maybe you should tell him?

Y/n🍦:

He already made reservations 

Not everyone is as romantic as you Nat.

I wish.

Nat🔪:

Fine, show me your options.

Y/n🍦:

Thank God

I Love you (Deleted)

I owe you!

~

When you’d gotten to the restaurant you were still self-conscious but you felt a lot better in the outfit Nat helped you pick, along with the accessories she told you would pair with it perfectly.

Halfway through the -honestly average dinner a fancy server approached you with a plate. Your favorite dessert sat prettily decorated and you stared in awe. Worried you might start drooling soon you turned to Leon to thank him only for him to turn to the waiter with concern etched onto his features

“Sorry but, I didn’t order this”

You furrowed your eyebrows, disappointment settling at the fact that the server probably delivered it to the wrong table

“I’m well aware sir, someone came in and told us to give it to someone named Y/n?”

You perked up at that, something hopeful and curious stirring inside your chest

“I’m Y/n” The waiter turned his attention to you, nodding his head slightly as if to say he already knew

“Yes I was given a description of your dress” He places the dessert next to your half-eaten meal and then hands you a note written on a napkin and walks away to serve another table.

You took a bite out of the sugary dish and nearly moaned at how good it was, after a few more bites you finally looked down and read the note written in pretty but precise handwriting.

“I have connections too. Enjoy your dessert, Y/n ;) ~ Nat”

Your heart nearly stopped in your chest,

She was here.

Pt.13

-Writing Leon and Y/n scenes is literally sooo hard for me I’m sorry- that’s why they might b boring~ Starry

---Taglist--

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[myapothecarydiary]

Thoughts from reading The Apothecary Diaries Manga Ch. 3

An expansion on an idea presented last chapter–how Jinshi's appearance affects how others treat him and the potential seriousness of it. Don't want to take it too far, but could it be said that people treat him how women are often treated in real life? With cat-calling and such. Only there's a difference in the power dynamics at play as Jinshi is in a role of authority.

Here we are also getting more insight into Jinshi's internal life and thoughts, which present a notable contrast to how Maomao views him and the persona she has so far observed. He's not all charming smiles and sparkles, we see him contemplative and expressing a range of emotions.

As of now, though her intelligence is notable, you wouldn't say Maomao could check these boxes, but lineage + beauty + intelligence are qualifications I think we should keep in mind in relation to her character. Maomao low key has some princess raised as a peasant vibes going on. Maomao and "a sense of virtue" have a less clearcut relationship, but it will be a topic of conversation in the future.

I think it's easy to imagine that in a more typical story, Maomao might have a more Cinderella-like arc, a peasant gaining the attention/favor of the Emperor through beauty and kindness and I am once again reminded of how Maomao is valued first and foremost for her intelligence. She will be found to be beautiful, but her beauty did not gain her Jinshi's attention or her position as a lady-in-waiting.

Both Maomao and Jinshi think of the rear palace as a cage. I wonder if he considers it a cage for himself as well considering what he must do to occupy space there? Or is it simply the opposite–a path to freedom? Perhaps both?

Jinshi also recognizes the role he is to play, but that does not mean he supports all the actions he must take. Everything is not always what it seems. Like Maomao, Jinshi is pragmatic about his appearance and recognizes the value/power in his beauty, but he also seems to resent it to some degree and view it as a burden. Pragmatic but resigned.

Jinshi's pov on the entire concubine system is quite interesting. He seems to disapprove of how things are done (and how the consorts/women are treated?) Surely this clashes with his desire for the Emperor to secure an heir?

Is "the plan" the one regarding the aphrodisiac (and the mid-ranking concubine/military officer)? Or his wider plan regarding working in the rear palace?

I'm wondering about what exactly produces Jinshi's feelings of...let's call it "glee"? in regards to "using" Maomao and how useful she will prove to be. Is it that she entertains him? Excites what feels like a dull and monotonous life? Is it that he enjoys exercising power in this way? I feel it's more the former, especially since he next goes on to describe how she treats him differently than anyone else he has ever encountered. She is novel. And Jinshi, as someone used to people being taken with his beauty, enjoys how her reaction to him goes beyond being unaffected by his beauty to the point of being repelled by it.

It's interesting that Maomao can seem rather monotone and subdued (except when she's not–she is extremely expressive when it comes to what she is passionate about, like poison), but her face also often acts as a give away. (Is that just a Jinshi related thing?) I mentioned this in the previous chapter and how she skirts the line in terms of respectfulness in how her actions and expressions (and even tone) clash, but maybe she isn't really so successful in skirting the line if her expression is so obvious.

I find it interesting how the manga opts to adapt the idea of Maomao as a "new toy" for Jinshi–he is the one to think it and make that connection. Also lol at it having him explicitly state he's "not a masochist" because hmm there's an argument to be made that both he and Maomao derive pleasure from pain.

Maomao as intriguing to Jinshi feels important. I said that he values her knowledge and skills, and I suppose that + how she treats him differently than others do (+ him eventually seeing her as quite beautiful) forms the basis of his attraction to her. But her being intriguing also factors into that and reminds me of all the intrigue and mysteries Maomao (and Jinshi) get involved in. She herself is like a mystery to be solved (as is he to her as the story goes on!)

Maomao as a toy also speaks to how Jinshi uses her. Yes, she entertains him, but "toy" also connotes a power dynamic (and so part of the enjoyment does come from having power over her?) Maomao is of course later referred to as a cat, not to mention her actual name, and Maomao as Jinshi's pet seems like an apt way to describe their initial dynamic.

(oh no she fell down a (pet) rabbit hole) BUT I really think there is something to be said for considering Maomao and Jinshi through "pet" and all its various meanings. Only thing is Maomao is not tamed or domesticated XD (but maybe she'll trend in that direction as time goes on aka adapt to Jinshi's lifestyle and status?)

For now, Jinshi is the master and holds the power in a traditional sense, but he will also quickly develop affection and favoritism for Maomao (and wants her companionship!) + despite how the dynamic should work, Maomao will hold power over him in turn (as with actual cats, the question is who is really the master and I think the answer is both)

Cutie Maomao appreciation segue

The panacea is presented here as a bit of a segue itself and to show Maomao's enthusiasm + passion + dedication to medicine and experimentation, but it always feels like a weighted thing to drop, like it will be important later, at least symbolically/metaphorically. Perhaps it also works as the perfect intersection of Maomao's care for others + thirst for knowledge/curiosity.

Mini Maomao! A reminder of how petite she is and how that works along with her status (as a visual representation of it in contrast with characters higher up who tower over her). Another way she appears unassuming and is underestimated.

(also–yay Gaoshun is here!!)

In terms of Jinshi using Maomao vs Maomao using Jinshi– Jinshi's status enables Maomao access and freedom (that she wouldn't normally be afforded in her position and situation) through her connection to him. She is able to do work she enjoys and indulge her curiosities because of him.

Circling back to what I said earlier about how Maomao can seem subdued but is extremely expressive when it comes to what she is passionate about. And it actually goes beyond her facial expressions, her whole body is invigorated and taken over XD

Her blushing expression and body position at the top of that second page almost resembles a girl in love lol

It is an interesting adaptational choice to make Jinshi's expression kind of an unamused frown here–I wonder what to make of it. (We get it described as "He watched her with a mixture of curiosity and sheer bewilderment" in the light novel). Especially as it presents Maomao in a different light than he has seen her in so far.

It feels like Maomao is almost actively seeking reasons to criticize and dislike Jinshi (to justify the instinctual bad vibes she gets? And going off the fake-ness she picks up on. This can also demonstrate a general dislike of people in high positions and the behavior their status affords them) but also this moment illustrates her appreciation for hard work and competence. Not that Jinshi is doing anything admirable here, it is just that Maomao seems determined to (understandably) see the worst in him/leans into bad faith interpretations of his actions.

Paper and ice–I call this the collection of planting seeds for future storylines and topics. I love how we're given information that will be relevant later in a way that feels natural and factors into the world-building.

Things to add to Maomao's list of skills XD

Okay Miss Maomao getting distracted on the job! More of her getting invigorated by her passions and how they can take over her mind and focus. But also amusing considering her criticisms of Jinshi "having too much free time" (yes, she still washed the dishes and did work, but her attention was diverted and she lost track of time)

More of Maomao's skill set and add alcohol to the list of seeds for the future (and lol @ everyone's reactions to her late night snack plans "what weird shit is this girl into?")

"Alcohol can be categorized as a type of medicine. The more sensitive a person is to a particular drug, the greater the impact." Not just a seed but add it to the pile of potential poison/medicine symbolism

More lol @ Maomao. I said her upbringing in the pleasure district serves her well in the rear palace, but it (in addition to her apothecary background) also give her a unique and potentially off-putting outlook. This whole scenario can go to show how in spite of her regard for propriety, Maomao doesn't always behave how she "should."

More of how Maomao frames Jinshi–"anyone would be attracted to him but to me, he is a worm." Does Maomao's familiarity with beauty make it somewhat ineffective on her? She makes the connection here about how Jinshi's beauty could be a burden (or not just harmful to others but to himself).

I also enjoy how a blushing Jinshi is described as being enough "to make anyone lose their head" when Maomao often says she does things/follows orders because she wants to keep her head attached to her body (aka not be executed).

Jinshi's attractiveness to both men and women is both a nod to varying sexualities and how he in a way transcends a binary understanding of gender presentation. I think it is interesting how Maomao is so blunt and matter-of-fact about people's attraction, to Jinshi and in general.

Similarly, I love this (repeated) matter-of-fact outlook on aphrodisiacs and pleasure from Maomao (it is almost non-judgmental but also emphasizes safety).

Alright, guess who used too many images and so has to continue this post elsewhere for the very end of the chapter...

[sgiandubh]

Five minutes of Instagram fame

The Brazilian fan is back with more attention-grabbing content, one week after she had thousands of eyes on her London shenanigans. Which I am not going to discuss, simply because I do believe there is no need to give the anecdote more space than it deserves. Enough is enough, and the apparent collective loss of all sense of measure is a sure sign that pause is needed, in that department.

What I am going to discuss, however, is the chutzpah of a 23 year old Nobody, who just wishes to keep those five minutes of fame rolling on and on and on.

Yesterday, she felt compelled to publish another batch of Instagram stories, in which she delivers her Toxic Shipping 101 lecture:

In the process, she basically just rephrases the main Anti Bible arguments, calls thousands of people 'insane', quotes two influential shipper blogs (slàinte mhath, @bat-cat-reader!) that didn't even come close to what I wrote about her, brings on board her mother and grandmother just to explain how upset she was about 'older American women picking up on her'. And ends with a rather pathetic plea for all of us, shippers, to 'seek immediate medical attention'. Same unnerving sotaque Paulista (São Paulo accent), with a posh and very fake tinge of British English. Same incoherent, amateur and immature discourse, endlessly seeking to bring attention to herself, mildly trying to victimize herself. Blah, blah.

I would have given her grace, were it not for this particular argument, in response to a X user asking a rather uncomfortable question, as she definitely has the constitutional right to do:

'OH God, not her again 23 yr old Brazilian trying to be a reporter in London, complete fail. but in BIG OL LONDON, 'JUST HAPPENED' TO Spot Sam, how dumb do you think we all are?'

Answer is the real dumb part of the story, if you ask me, especially coming from a very young woman: 'Forbidden to be a journalist and meet a celebrity in the street. Forbidden to go for a walk as a journalist, paging all my colleagues, ok? I had no clue I could be as scheming as they say I am.'

Ok, buttercup: it is my honest understanding that you want to be taken seriously and treated as a professional, right? Did I miss something, here?

Right. As the daughter of a journalist and a former Government expert in media policies (specifically dealing with media content broadcasting), I am going to do exactly this and honestly ask you, Mrs. Silva:

Do you consider, in all good faith, that you acted like a professional journalist, in this very circumstance?

Do you consider to have kept your impartiality and have you at least checked all the relevant facts and POVs, before slandering all those people on your social media account? Or did you content yourself to report the hearsay shared with you by other bloggers, and just conveniently quoted four random bloggers and commenters?

Have you the slightest idea that one of the commenters who reached out to you on Instagram, questioning your version of the facts, is not even a shipper (and actually, very violently far from being one)?

During the week separating your first post and this reaction to people's feedback, have you or have you not respected your due diligence obligation to contact and engage with the people you so easily treat as a bit less than the scum of the Earth?

Did you or did you not ask for permission to quote their published content on your social media account, especially in a polemic context?

Unlike you, I have diligently perused both your website and your Linked In account. Maybe it is time to tell all those people you have insulted the truth about who you are, professionally, at this very moment:

Marketing student, 3rd semester.

Let me count: 3 internships (correct me if I am wrong), in various junior positions for 1 local media outlet, 1 international corporation and 1 website, 4 different jobs - or should I say 'stints' (3 with your current employer, 1 as a freelancer for a local media outlet).

Still learning. There is absolutely nothing bad about it. But you have still a LONG way to go until you could pretend to be a real voice. And there is nothing in what you posted that could grab my professional attention and make me hire you. Quite the contrary and, believe it or not, I am awfully sorry to say so.

My three free and totally unsolicited pieces of advice:

Always check your facts, always get in touch with the people you plan to write about. In fact, your anger and ego got the best of your professional self and you lost a great opportunity for a paper you could have even titled ' Viagem na Shipperlândia' (A Trip to Shipperland). I would have read that. But you haven't. You preferred to act just like all the other 23 year old girls and make a belly-button story about yourself.

Never bring your family forward in questionable contexts. You expose people who have nothing to do with the irrelevant insanity of a fandom war, to which you contributed your own, perhaps involuntary, dose of chaos and unnecessary drama.

Never lie on your Linked In resume. Potential employers might and will read it. Never write things like:

.. when you also fail to accurately describe your former job position, denoting poor spelling:

Especially when words are your craft, bread and butter. The devil is always in the details:

As I mentioned in a previous post, you could have been my daughter. I have been that 23 year old girl myself, desperate to list every single internship and tempted to inflate language proficiency, in the hope it would land me the job of my dreams. And I have learned the hard way that being a true professional is cancelling your ego.

You'll learn. Until then, stop bitching on things you have no idea about and act like an adult, not an attention hungry teenager. This comes from a place of tough love: sometimes, the most effective life lessons are given by complete strangers.

[major-toast]

Deathblow

@rosekillermicrofic // lies // words: 701 // cw: grief, mentions of death

The air feels stuffy, stale. No matter how run-down – how ancient – the courtroom looks, to Barty it will always feel too clean, too uptight.

He hates it here, hates the people in it. A flood of wizards with prim and proper robes, hard-nosed expressions, and an attitude too haughty for their lack of importance. Just looking at them makes him sick.

But he has to. For the sake of his mission, he has to. Born and raised in the wealthier social class of wizarding society, with connections reaching throughout the entire Ministry, it had been a simple decision to appoint him an undercover agent. All he had to do was pull a few strings, charm his way in, make false promises. Barty Crouch Jnr – the perfect fucking son.

Lies.

Yeah, he doesn’t like it, despises it even. The room is too stuffy, too stale, and the people have no soul. The faster he’s out of here, the better.

“Next?” calls Crouch Snr from his bench, dressed in his most formal judge’s robes, looking the sternest in this place. Barty wishes he had set this stupid piece of clothing on fire. Preferably while the man is still wearing them.

“Karkaroff, Igor” comes the business-like response, followed by the ruffle of paper.

Barty frowns. Karkaroff had been one of their most important connections to the north. Shame they’ve caught him. But, then again, he’s an annoying piece of shit, so maybe not a shame they caught him. The Dark Lord needs people, who can be discreet, and trustworthy. Not an obnoxious loudmouth like the man currently wheeled in. Easily, the frown turns into a condescending huff.

Two weeks. Two weeks ago, the Dark Lord has been defeated. By a toddler no less.

Lies.

He’ll be back, Barty is sure of it. No one can defeat someone as brilliant and considered as Riddle. All they need to do is to lay low for a while, wait in patience.

Growing bored, he leans back in his seat, staring at the ceiling, whistling a tune. Irritated glares are thrown his way, throats cleared in indignance, but Barty doesn’t care. He smiles and waves at them, treating it like another Potion’s lecture. It never interested him, to begin with.

“Rosier?”

The question is a sharp blade cutting through the air. Immediately, Barty perks up. He hasn’t heard from Evan in… well, since their fight a while back, honestly. 

I am a coward!? You should look in the fucking mirror, Crouch! You’re so fucking desperate for his attention, you’re fucking losing yourself! What do you think you’ll gain out of this? That he’ll love you like a fucking son?

Fuck off, Rosier. As if you have any idea what loyalty is! You couldn’t even be loyal enough to yourself to admit you wanted to fuck me! ‘I am scared, Barty. What if someone catches us?’ Grow a fucking pair, Evan, for Merlin’s sake. And don’t pretend you’re caring about me. You never really did.

It was stupid. A heated argument, nothing more. Barty will apologize to him eventually. They’ll always find their way back to one another. It is fate.

He wonders what Evan is up to right now. How his mission went.

He can’t wait to hear about it.

“Rosier’s dead.”

LIES.

Barty laughs. That’s the stupidest thing, he’s ever heard. Evan can’t be dead. He cannot-

The room grows dark, the walls are closing in. Somewhere a whistle is going off, somewhere near his ears, growing louder and louder, but Barty cannot locate it. Frantically, he looks around. Eyes are watching him, too many eyes. God. He wants to scratch them out, poke them out with his wand. He wants to bite off the dumb fucking grins directed at him, spit it right back into their arrogant faces. Hands. There are hands everywhere. They are touching him, tugging at him. He screams, fights back, but to no avail. They are dragging him. Down. Down, down, down. The light vanishes, plunges him into an abyss. His hands disappear and so does his body. Where did it all go?

Rosier’s dead. The words repeat like a mocking sneer inside his ears.

Look where loyalty got you now, Crouch.

[jackdaniel69nice]

remember u mentioned the big rant about noumu two days ago? gimme gimme

The way the nomu have been treated has been highly over looked. The first nomu we met was an empty shell to be puppeted around. They had no intelligence and was deemed “braindead” or “inhuman”. This set the standard for how all nomu were treated even when those conditions were no longer true. The high end nomu (like kurogiri) were highly intelligent, in fact they had the memories of their preceding lives and personalities, they were COMPLETELY human. The nomu process was more of a quirk addition upgrade than anything. And then at Jaku they were all slaughtered.

I’m not saying the hero’s (including Aizawa!) are in the wrong for killing them, oh no, it was completely within their discretion to make that decision. But I AM saying the hero’s decision to kill the nomu was the exact same thing as Hawks killing Twice, and yet it was NEVER treated or even mentioned in the manga in such a way. The entire matter is COMPLETELY brushed over. In the mha universe the nomu have no protection of rights, anyone can do ANYTHING to them. Kurogiri and Shigaraki are nomu, the HPSC could have them killed after their arrest due to them being too “dangerous”, they could even be experimented on like animals to see how they were made. We are familiar with Shigaraki and kurogiri, we knew them before and after they became nomu and even subconsciously still think of them as human, we still give them the respect to be treated like people.

I think the biggest distinction between kurogiri and Shigaraki and the high end nomu are their appearances. The nomu have MUTANT traits, and that is what makes them seen as monsters. When you make an argument that the nomu were “evil” and needed to be killed think about all the other villains with strong power and heteromorph traits that have been arrested instead (like at the usj). Hero’s are supposed to be nonlethal, they are supposed to arrest a perpetrator with as little harm as possible. The biggest running theme in mha is the idea that EVERYONE can change, everyone can be redeemed, so why weren’t the high ends given that chance?

When you start calling a certain group of people “monsters” and dehumanizing them the line you draw between them and others is very thin. If people start seeing the nomu as monsters what about the people that LOOK like nomu. The line becomes blurry and suddenly these completely innocent people are being targeted. Some people even mistook Midoriya as a nomu, they were afraid of him because he had multiple quirks and appeared dangerous. I have no doubt the tension between heteromorphs and non-heteromorphs escalated so quickly because of this, we saw how Ippan Josei (ordinary woman) was treated as a villain.

Once again I need to say I’m not actually criticizing the death of the high ends, if the hero’s had been trying to keep from killing them they never would of won, but this was a lose lose scenario. This is a WAR, there were deaths on both sides and every battle is a fight to survive; you have to do what you must to win. I am only saying the deaths of the nomu wasn’t treated like it should have been in the manga by the characters. Every day I’m very VERY glad the HPSC has been eradicated.

My personal theory/hc for the post war era is that all the surviving top heros will retire and form a new government maybe even with nezu as president. I firmly believe because of kurogiri being an example of someone who is “good” but also a nomu will lead to any remaining high ends like shigaraki to getting human rights (aizawa wouldn’t stand for anything less). It’s really important to note that most of the nomu were just normal PEOPLE that were horribly experimented on, it would be in the best interest to help them with treatment. Maybe there could even be a way to restore their minds and undo the process.

[brucewaynehater101]

In the scenario of Bruce arriving after some years, could you expand more about the good and bad scenario? Also, in the bad scenario what would Tim and Jason do. Would they pick a side?

I've linked the post to this ask for anyone new to it! For those who don't want to click on it, the concept is what would happen if, because Tim never found the portrait or something, Bruce safely spent a bit more time away in the timestream?

Regardless, I'd be happy to expand on it a bit more! There's a multitude of ways that Bruce could react to all of this, and it really depends on how someone hcs Bruce (canon has various versions of him). Feel free to choose whatever route you think is best.

So, when Bruce comes back after a few years, the family would have learned how to operate without him. He's simply not needed. He's wanted, he's loved, but he's used to being the center of the family. He's used to being the patriarch and deciding factor. He's used to calling the final shots.

When he comes back, Tim and Damian don't need him. By that point, Tim would be a legal adult almost in his twenties. Damian is used to deferring to Dick and Alfred for parenting and rules. Tim and Bruce would get into many arguments if Bruce tried to parent and restrict Tim. It would be similar to the 17 year-old Dick and Bruce, but Bruce hasn't been there the past few years (intentionally or not).

Damian and Bruce wouldn't know how to interact. Regardless of how close they were before Bruce "died," Damian has changed a lot. He's grown to accept that he doesn't need to prove himself, he doesn't need to uphold legacies, his place in the family is permanent (not based on good behavior, work, or blood), and he's loved. Despite that, Bruce coming back might dreg up those insecurities (especially depending on how Bruce treats the adoption).

In a good light, Bruce works with everyone. He spends time relearning his children, finding where they might have new boundaries, having many discussions on his role in their life, and assisting them with what they need. He doesn't enforce his expectations on them and maybe even seeks out family counseling. He would understand that time changes things and that the relationships the others have built were to support each other. As long as no unhealthy or negative relationships had developed (like codependency), then he should respect these changes and work with them to accommodate his sudden reappearance in their life. A good situation would be Bruce's appearance shaking the boat but overall making the family stronger with his connection to it.

Now... a bad scenario depends on a lot of factors and is, in my opinion, a more likely outcome. With this, we're gonna be using the more abusive comics!Bruce version.

Bruce, in this turn of events, would try to separate and damage the bond between Damian and Dick. He could do that in a multitude of ways, including emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, legal actions (anulling the adoption, restraining orders, etc.), physically separating their living situations, and assigning Dick long and distant missions. If Bruce was feeling particularly vindictive, he could punish Dick in various ways. There's subtle alienation, physical retaliation, grueling work loads, verbal abuse, etc.

This would probably be Bruce's main focus. He would also probably have issues with how the other Bats are running Gotham and how they now don't rely on him.

The way the rest of the bad scenario pans out depends on how Tim and Jason interacted up until Bruce arrived. In the other post, I mentioned that the two would either ignore/avoid each other or become close/teammates.

If they ignored each other, it would be easier for Bruce to exert control over them both. They are more independent, less supported, and less likely to reach out for help. He would have an easier time manipulating them while they are in Gotham. They would fight back, obviously, but they wouldn't have someone helping them. This could either be their downfall as they get sucked into a cycle of abuse with Bruce, or this could push them to rely on their siblings/the other Bats.

If Jason and Tim were closer or even became a team together, Bruce would be hard pressed to get them to fold. It's extremely dreadful and tiresome fighting against verbal/emotional abuse. You start to doubt yourself, your feelings, the events that occurred, your recollection, and whether you were justified. By the two of them working together, they can combat this approach by Bruce. Tim could collect evidence for whatever occurred and keep records. Jason could ensure that they met their emotional needs and enforced their boundaries. Manipulating someone alone, especially the two of them who are on the outskirts, would be easier than a team who supports each other.

Anyways, whether Tim and Jason take Bruce's side of Dick's really depends on their relationship with each other. They would support Dick, no matter their current grievances towards the man, if Tim and Jason were a vigilante team and like brothers to each other.

Also, an important note about the bad scenario is that it wouldn't play out immediately. There would be this relief and happiness that Bruce is home as he slowly tests out the boundaries until he manipulates the situation to his benefit.

Now, we could get into the other Bats too. Alfred might be on Team Bruce regardless. That would suck but it does fall in line with some of his bystander and enabler ways. Bruce has no control over Barbara, and they both know it. I like to imagine she would protect Steph and Cass to the best of her ability. She would give aid to the batboys, but she wouldn't be able to protect them as much. Cass is a toss-up on whether she would be able to protect herself against emotional manipulation by Bruce.

I'm hoping Duke is happy with his parents if this is the bad scenario. If he isn't, there could be tension because Duke didn't become a vigilante under Bruce's approval. Therefore, there would be a meta vigilante in Gotham that Bruce didn't approve of.

If this is the good scenario, dealer's choice on whether Duke's parents are fine while Duke becomes Signal prior to Bruce's return. He could be an independent vigilante the Bats provide support for without sucking him into the family.

Let me know if you want any more info, want more explanation, or you think it could go a different way!

[velvetvexations]

It is so unbelievable how many fucking anti transmasc losers there are!! It's unbelievable, it really is just like ace discourse. Every fucking blog, I have to search 'transmasc' and 'TME' just like I had to search 'ace' and 'asexual' back in the day People will JUMP at the chance to do this shit over again huh

You should read up on the Cultural Revolution because it just keeps happening.

Ok not to double send but...

Blogs like yours do WONDERS for my mental health. Knowing there are actually people in my corner while I realise I'm a trans man is phenomenal

I'm glad to help! <3

my passing status is nebulous. sometimes i pass, but mostly i dont. im a trans guy with a thing for crossdressing so sometimes i have actual, legitimate euphoria vibes over just... sitting in my car and looking feminine. like "you all think im a girl but SECRETLY IM A BOY!!!" and it feels really good because like. yeah. i can look like a girl but nothing will change that i am a boy 😊😊 trans guy crossdresser again, my passing status is also really weird because i am intersex. my mustache confuses people, and that's great

That's similar to how I feel. People think I'm misgendering myself when I call myself male but it's more like I'm asserting dominance over gendered expectations lol. I'm male and I'm still a woman anyway.

thank you for your blog. a musician i really respected went super anti-transmasc recently and its really hurt, and the stuff here makes me feel like. less insane for having an issue with it

I'm really, really sorry anon. I love you a lot. <3

love that this person is calling people who believe that trans men can be oppressed "chuds", a word that is mostly used to talk about right-wing conservative men

transandro reactionaries dontcha know

"internet tough guys" still exist in 2024?????????????

Someone said something like "no one wants to fight you" and I was thinking "no actually I'm dead serious I would actually."

anyone who tries to debunk transandrophobia by throwing in "you people" has automatically lost the argument imo. but also I need to rant. as That Guy in your inbox who hangs out in bear and leather bars it makes me genuinely want to chew through the floor when people are like "oh well queer people don't demonize masculinity" GO OUTSIDE. YES THEY DO. there is a REASON fat hairy balding men tend to have our own damn spaces, because no one else will take us. FUCK.

if people want to insist that everyone around them has always recognized their soul-gender and no one is ever treated like anything but what they identify as maybe they should stop talking about what genders that aren't theirs experience

I'm a bisexual trans man who does not pass and never will pass and I have spent over 30 years of my life being told my experiences aren't real mostly by other queer people and I am so, so, so, so, SO jaded by it. I'm done. If you tell me "your lived experiences are not a real thing" then you're the villain. I can't stand it. I genuinely cannot take it anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to go and I feel so unbelievably hopeless.

Try to hang in there anon. It's okay to disengage and avoid discourse. I know it's not always possible, but there's nothing wrong with unplugging from this shit as much as you can. You have to focus on your happiness.

I love you. <3

[rvllybllply2014]

Oh I can't even imagine what Willem & Samwell's father was like!  I wonder if he really was worse, or if Willem just always had a darker/more violent streak in him than other Blackwoods?  Given that Samwell is calmer & nicer?

Ooh good point! If madness can be inherited then why not other traits? Especially with how certain houses are know for theirs! Anger & quickness to act being inherited by the Blackwoods would just make sense, considering they used to be kings in the more brutal north, dealing with houses like the Starks & Boltons before they were finally forced out of their home and into the Riverlands!

And then we have the Brackens who have raised & bred horses since the founding of their house, and like you said you can't be angry or quick tempered around horses, they need a steady calm hand to thrive. And it takes patience & gentleness to earn a horse's trust, to learn to read their body language. So house Bracken learning to turn their anger into sternness early makes so much sense! Also through all the peace marriages, there's Blackwood blood in every Bracken and vice versa, both houses know this though they'd hate to admit it. So it wouldn't surprise me at all if they'd fear their own anger is the Blackwood blood in them, that it needs to be controlled as soon as possible.. Pff with this in mind, imagine Amos & Aeron sometimes looking at Willem & Davos and just seeing a tempermental stallion? One that just needs to be called with firm-but-gentle touches & sweet words?

Samwell being the one to introduce Willem & Amos is not something I expected! =O Oh that's so bittersweet, you know he'd have had hope for their future children marrying too! How could you see Samwell reacting when he learns of Amos ending their relationship? If he'd know what Willem would do after his death? Did he know just what Bracken his brother killed in the past?

I love how their big fight would start with something so small & petty, something that could have ended so differently if the wrong word wasn't said.. Just like how a simple argument over the boundary stones turned into the carnage of the burning mill D= And to think it's the first time Willem admitted he loved Amos too, oh my heart!

Ah of course it couldn't work out so nicely could it, no Blackwood would willingly let themselves be held prisoner (even if treated well) and Davos likely wouldn't stop to consider if he's treated well or not, or Amos's words to him. At least Amos would be there to hold Aeron, wondering if their family had angered the seven, or if they were cursed by the old gods to love their enemies as punishment for abandoning them for the faith of the seven. (i do find it so interesting that the brackens used to worship the old gods too, i wonder what caused them to turn to the faith of the seven? maybe simply because adaptability is something one has to have while working with horses too? i think more likely is that the brackens of the past worshiped the old gods in a different, less bloody way than the blackwoods, and the blackwoods tainted the old gods for them in their brutality)

Oof I can anderstand Willems bitterness & hurt here, but just like with everything else he takes it too far doesn't he? One thing to spread the rumor, another to actually believe in it. And even if Raylon were a bastard, he wouldn't deserve what the guards do to him, poor boy :( Oh can you imagine if Davos survived the burning mill but Aeron didn't? If he's the one tasked with guarding Raylon? I imagine "it should have been you dead, not him!" would be the kindest treatment Davos would give him.. And when Amos later learns what happened to his son, after Willem is beheaded..well Willem is lucky he's already dead.

Oh this is so sad but perfect in a way? Like I could finally see Willem doing this, even convincing himself the tears in Amos's eyes are of pleasure, that Amos deserves this punishment, needs it even! To remind him of who he belongs to, that he can never leave him again.. And the marks! I can only imagine what the ones on his face & hands look like! And Amos isn't dumb, he know what message Willem is sending to his men when he marks him and makes him howl his name for the camp to hear. The humiliation he'd have to fight down every morning afterwards would almost be too much, but a small part of him might hope he gets executed for treason at Harrenhall, that his son might be sent back to rule their house and be free of Willem. Which speaking of, there's more ways to bring someone to justice than death..and I can't help but wonder if Willem would have planned to ask Daemon & lord Tully to make the Brackens a true vassal house to the Blackwoods, as they always should have been.  With him being allowed to keep Amos for himself and marry Raylon to a Blackwood girl of his choosing before sending him back to Stone Hedge.

And Willem blaming Amos for his own darkness is just so in character for him isn't it? Forgetting that everything he did was still his own choice, because he wanted to.

Ooh I like the thought of them seeing their proof of slavery as proof of what they survived, marking them as warriors! Pff Amos making Willem ride behind him the whole time is fun, up until he feels what is clearly not Willem's knife rubbing against his ass from behind >w> You know Willem gets jealous of the attention Amos gives the horse at some point too =u= Dothraki horses would be pretty damn prized by Brackens wouldn't they? I imagine they'd admire the Dothraki skill with horses, even if they'd hate everything else about them. Makes me wonder what the Dothraki would think of Amos and the horse sigal he wears..

Also got another small idea, this one is less about Willem/Amos, but imagine while checking the border stones himself one day, Amos catches Davos & Aeron spending time together? Amos keeps his calm but the shock of being found jolts both teens and Davos ends up hurting his ankle? Since Davos arrived without a horse, Amos knows he won't be able to limp all the way home by himself, and sends Aeron back to Stone Hedge as he chooses to escort Davos back to Raventree Hall himself? I imagine during the ride there could be a storm, with them having to take cover for the night in a cave for the horse's sake and during this time the two could talk, with Davos learning the truth of what happened between his uncle n& Amos and why? Pff also imagine Davos running his mouth at Amos so much (out of anger at this whole situation) that Amos finally looses his patience! Only rather than striking his face like Davos expects, Amos takes him across his knee and gives him a spanking? Just like he's done to his son & Aeron when they were younger? Of course Davos has experienced far worse than a hand against his bare arse, so it'd be far more humiliating than painful for him =w= 

Ah sorry this got so long btw! I hope you don't mind these essays I'm leaving you ;w;

I love the essays you’re writing. My thoughts under the cut. Once again non con/rape/sexual assault mentioned. And a character delusional enough to believe that it’s all warranted and wanted. Read at your own risk.

I think Samwell and Willems father was like Willem, prideful quick to anger and embraces the darkness. But his wife helps keep the darkness away, she’s the light of his life and her light will chase away some of the darkness. Lord Blackwood only gets darker after his wife dies from an illness, especially if he prayed everyday for the old gods to spare her and they didn’t. Samwell was probably around 10 years old when she died, so she was able to influence his gentler personality while also letting him know that it’s okay to embrace some of the darkness that’s in him, both light and dark are apart of him. Willem was about 7 when she died, she did influence some of the softer parts but with years passing Willem forgets quite a bit of her lessons. Especially if lord Blackwood takes out his grief on him, Samwell was too grown to easily beat whereas Willem is easier to beat.

Yeah the Blackwood anger definitely came from having to try to control the Boltons. They had to teach their kids to be angry and use it to fight against the Boltons, it’s the only way to not become flayed. The Starks were more brutal too, but not as bad as the Boltons. So yeah after several generations of being told that they’re kings and they have to fight off Starks and Boltons by embracing their anger it’s bound to pass down through their blood. The inherited anger/darkness/pride was thrown into over drive after the Starks became the kings in the north and they were kicked out into the Riverlands.

Every Bracken after a peace marriage is worried about Blackwood blood influencing their anger, so it’s a relief when generations pass before another peace marriage is forced onto them. The Brackens are taught from infancy that it’s okay to be angry but they can’t let it control their actions. They need to let their anger turn into a sternness if they want to be useful horse breeders for their house.

Amos sees Willem as the equivalent of a wild untamed stallion and goes I can fix that. It does work for a while but it does take a lot of Amos being stern in meaning what he says to Willem and sticking to it. Amos is used to working with difficult horses, he’s basically a horse whisperer. Aeron also sees Davos as an untamed stallion, but Aeron is not great with taming with horses so Davos just ends up with hurt feelings and being a pouty mess. Aeron does try to apologize to Davos but he just doesn’t want to hear it.

Samwell is heartbroken for both Willem and Amos. He knows how gentle hearted Amos is, and that it would take a lot to make him leave Willem. Samwell also tells Willem that it’s okay to mourn the lost possibilities for his future. Samwell only found out that Willem had killed Amos’s brother Jerrell, years after the fact. Lord Blackwood had bragged about Willems first kill to him but Samwell didn’t connect the dots until after Willem got with Amos. Amos does send Samwell a raven after he breaks up with Willem asking if he knew and why would he let him date Willem. Willem apologizes to Amos telling him that he didn’t realize that Jarrell was his brother until he had already gotten with Willem.

Davos was also told by Willem that it would be more honorable to die than to be held prisoner by a Bracken. Which causes Davos to escape as soon as he can, even if Amos never hurt him or planned on hurting him.

Exactly there’s just something about how a more even head could prevent heartbreak. If only Willem had kept his mouth shut before he said that he killed Jarrell. Then history repeats itself with Davos and Aeron, Davos forgot that Brackens will dare when pushed too hard. It’s also how the messiest break up in history happened, aka the burning mill. But unlike Willem and Amos, Aeron is dead and Davos will never be able to apologize.

Amos probably thinks it’s a curse from the old gods to have Blackwoods and Brackens to love each other in generations. The Brackens switched to the seven, mainly because they didn’t want their house to be wiped out and they can adapt easier to different things just like how they do with different horse’s personalities. And the Brackens wanted to prove to themselves and house Blackwood that although they share blood they aren’t as savage as the Blackwoods.

The first time Davos is assigned to guard Raylon, Raylon is relieved to see his cousins ex. But Davos tortures him psychologically, he tells Raylon that it should’ve been him that was killed at the burning mill. That he should’ve followed Aeron and tried to talk him out of it. That it was bad enough that Raylon could be a bastard, but he was also raised as more of a brother to Aeron than a cousin. He tells Raylon that he failed his house and Aeron by not dying.

Davos never touches Raylon, he only ever wants to touch Aeron but since he’s dead he won’t touch another Bracken. Davos would feel some pity for Raylon when he hears what the other guards do to him, he can’t help but imagine Aeron in that situation and how nobody deserves to be sexually tortured.

Willem does tell Amos that he should feel luckier than his son, Amos only has to fuck him unlike Raylon who is his guards sexual play thing. Amos doesn’t believe it, at least not until Raylon confirms what happened to him. Amos also doesn’t pray for someone to be tortured in death but he does pray for Willems torture in death.

Willem might’ve gotten his wish for the brackens to become his vassals if he hadn’t allowed Raylon to be tortured like he was and if Amos hadn’t looked like Willems personal chew toy. Willem still would’ve tried to convince Oscar and Daemon to force a marriage between Raylon and a Blackwood girl, Daemon would’ve agreed to it but Oscar is disgusted by how horribly Willem treated Amos and Raylon. So no Willem your stupid actions once again killed the peace between both your house and Amos’s. It’s one of the only times Amos is glad that he has visible marks on his body.

Willem is delusional enough to believe that Amos crying means that he loves the brutal way Willem fucks him. Willem also never lets any of his marks heal on Amos, he wants Amos to associate pain with pleasure but the only pleasure that Willem brings him. Well that Willem thinks he brings him.

Thankfully Amos men know that he’s not a willing participant and Willems men are deranged enough to say that of course Bracken cunts deserve to be treated like cunts. It will take some time for Amos to be able to face his men without feeling the burning shame of them knowing that he was raped repeatedly by Willem.

Amos also tells Willem that only Willem is responsible for his actions and how he reacts to situations. That the Willem he knew wouldn’t have hurt him like this Willem does and his Willem also wouldn’t let the Blackwoods hurt Raylon like they are. Basically Amos tries his horse taming techniques on Willem yet again but this time Willems light can’t be reached.

As for the slavery thing I’m working on a separate post with more details, you’re tagged and credited with the idea. But I will say that Willem definitely pushes onto Amos’s ass constantly while telling him that his problem will not go away until he also gets ridden like a horse. Amos tells him to wait until they can get to civilization, if Willem can behave then he’ll get his wish if he can’t then he won’t get ridden and he’ll have to fix his problem by himself. Amos is also seen as an amazing warrior when he gets back to Stone Hedge, he managed to keep a Dothraki horse and now that horse will be bred into their other horses bloodlines making them a lot of money.

If Amos finds out about Davos and Aeron while checking on the boundary stones, he just calmly asks them what they’re doing? But Davos being raised by Willem is terrified that Amos would hurt him, it’s what Willem would’ve done in Amos’s position. So of course in his panic Davos manages to trip over a hole in the ground causing his ankle to twist in an unnatural way. After Aeron helps him up and Davos realizes that he can’t walk let alone make it back to Raven Tree Hall, Amos tells Davos to get on Aerons horse they’ll go back to Stone Hedge to see the maester there. Davos really wants to refuse but with his ankle hurting like it does and storm clouds rolling in,he feels like he doesn’t have a choice.

Even with the amount of pain he’s in and with Amos riding next to them Davos is still rubbing up against Aeron and whispering what he wants to do to him. Aeron is a blushing mess telling Davos to stop, and Amos just finds it all amusing. They’re still pretty far out from Stone Hedge when the storm clouds finally break. Amos tells them that there’s a small cave that they can shelter in. Once all of them are inside Amos tells Davos and Aeron to cuddle for warmth, any wood they find will be too wet to light a fire with. Amos also tells them that he’ll sleep next to the horses for his warmth, and he knows how horny teenage boys are but could they please keep their nighttime activities behind closed doors? There will be plenty of time for that later at Stone Hedge.

If Davos does try to say that he has more respect for himself so expects the same respect towards him from Amos, but in a moody teen way Amos finally snaps and pulls him over his lap, it’s only three quick smacks on his bare ass with the last one hitting him right on his hole, but man it does hurt his pride. Aeron checks up on him later in the night asking if he’s okay, while telling Davos he also used to get smacked on the ass by Amos but it’s been years.

[tenok]

Still fuming about «Crowley’s so queer it makes Aziraphale looks straight» take. I saw some people saying «queer is not a political identity» as an argument against it... and actually I disagree. Queer is an identity that’s as much about politics and community as is about gender and orientation. «Queer as in fuck you» indeed! And while I’m pretty sure that if you’ll ask Aziraphale he will say that he’s queer because mentally he still in times where it was term preferred by community as whole (or he’ll say that «gay» is his gender because he still links gender and orientation together and it’s a habit thats hard to break), I’ll argue that he’s definitely queer by definition. And I won’t say that one of them more or less queer, I want to vomit just from thinking this, but he and Crowley definitely different flavors of queer; and the point is community.

See, the Crowley we see is not the very community-oriented being. He despises angels and demons alike, he’s not close with humans, through whole series we saw him connected with Aziraphale, maybe Warlock, Shadwell to some point and only as a subordinate he’s not really interested in (Aziraphale actually remembered all the names of soldiers Shadwell pulled from his ass, on the other hand [book, also in script if I remember correctly]). But for Aziraphale community is the whole deal. He links himself to communities: community of book collectors, for example ([in book at least]), community of angels (even in season two he regretfully said that he misses reporting back to his lot), as soon as he put his roots there he become part of British and specifically London community (immediately clocked as British by everyone, for better or for worse). And he’s clearly consider himself and considered by others as part of queer community. For example:

He’s clocked as specifically effeminate gay man (which is part of queer umbrella oh my god stop misuse of political slogans gay are not some kind of others that are lesser for being gay!!!) by everyone, to the point of getting called homophobic slurs (twice in book, once in series) and being targeted by literal Nazis. He’s not arguing or denying, he reclaims it: he’s not calling himself gay, he’s proudly declaring that he’s THE southern pansy (not very «hurray establishment» of him hmmm?). He looks so gay and safe that cemetery man from season 2 doesn’t see a problem in telling him he uses grindr!

Tied to this: he can present as anyone else, he chooses to look soft, gay, effeminate, he chooses to make silly sounds and flamboyant gestures, and as soon as he gets comfortable he likes to go a little campy (can you imagine Crowley in ribbons and frills? do we see male-presenting Crowley in pink silky shoes? would he fight to the death before you put him into pencil-drawen moustache and bright cape with shiny starts? yes he’s GNC! there’s more then one way to be GNC and one is not better then other because it’s in black and sexy!). I’ll argue that him choosing one comfortable presentation and stick to this is no less groundbreaking by heavens standards then «hoarding all the genders» since he’s not treats his corporation as «meat suite», he really had an identity tied to it!

And using this identity he becomes part of 100 guineas club. Part of gay/queer (it was in times where this distinction was meaningless) community with fellow queers, where he learned queer ways, such as dances, becoming part of queer culture as a whole (and should I remind you that back in days drag was mandatory part of such clubs? if we measuring queerness by how close it to cross-dressing apparently). He also collects literature by queer authors, immersing himself in this culture, again. Do I remember correctly that Oscar Wilde gifted him one of his books specifically? So we can safely assume he hangs with queer authors as well? Correct me if it’s not in canon (I’m freely mixing tv and book canon there btw although usually I treat them as two different things)

He also lives in Soho. He specifically chooses to live there, knowing perfectly well what a neighborhood it is (even back in 1600s it already had a Reputation). He knows what it says about him and he aims for it! (Crowley lives in Mayfair because it says something about him too — remember that while Aziraphale constructed himself around being soft and gay, Crowley intentionally made himself look as irrating rich asshole. If this asshole has vibes of sinister gay that would gladly corrupt you if you ask nicely, that’s another story) He is a part of this community! As a word of god, he: speaks Polari freely because he used it… with other queers (as oppose to Crowley that knows «bits» because he hangs out with criminals); he hide incriminating things from fellow Soho residents back when there were police raids (breaking law to help those in need is reacurring theme with him!). He still part of this community, he knows people, people knows him, he literally gives place to lesbian women for free so she can have her dream shop (supporting your local queer business!) (also great call back to Edingurg minisode! Aziraphale, personal saint of broke lesbians!)

I’ll also argue that letting in first Gabriel and next Muriel was a very queer of him. Queers help other queers: he may not like Gabriel, but «he has no other friends» (and he's homeless after being kicked out from heavens after disaster forbidden love affair with other queer being, hmmm? paralleles with reality of being queer much?), so he steps in. And Muriel, while being the same age as those two (we're NOT child-coding Muriel in this house), vibes as queer youth in needs of guidance, and Aziraphale, that had every right to be suspicious and cold to them, immediately lets them into safety of his shop and tries to be nice and supporting in both older queer and older ND cousin way.

So, in conclusion: Aziraphale is a queer being, that likes to make it clear that he’s queer and queer GNC man specifically; he’s part of queer community for at least couple hundred of years, participant in queer culture, and he watches out for other queers, helping his own as much as he can, using his money and other resources and breaking law to do so when needed. What there can make him look straight even as a joke?

Crowley is absolutely a queer being too, in very queer love with other queer being, and I'm sure he has a blast pocking into rules and boundaries of genders, orientations and all kinds of relationships since he loves questioning and testing so much. He also has a cool rebellious aesthetic and «fuck all�� attitude, so it’s understandable that he becomes tumblrs queer icon (and being played by David Tennant helps for sure). But if you ask them both where’s local shelter for homeless queers located, one of them will have an answer and it won’t be a Crowley, or he wouldn’t sleep in his car (I'm joking), and this is as much of the part of being queer as having cool aesthetic or being kicked from home (I'm joking again). And it's a shame that some people want to make a competention out of it, because it gives us infinity possibilities to discuss their different experiences and choices, down to what their respective aesthetic choices says about them, and how they can use their strong sides to support each other! But alas.

[failing-to-write-again]

Fights with Ruki

So time for part 2 now I am free from the hell that is examination. Ruki fights I feel are a high risk situation pre-relationship especially with the Mukami's high level aggression. Like the Sakamakis are dangerous but they are less likely to just kill you over an argument same as they don't drink from Yui the same way the Mukamis did.

I am also taking a more gender neutral approach, any feedback on how to improve.

Ruki is quite similar to Reiji in the matter of neither will admit their wrong unless they have grown a shit tonne.

"Stop being hysterical."

"It isn't hysterical to be unhappy the guy who is meant to be your boyfriend calls you livestock in front of your classmates."

He freezes, turning to look at the back of your head. You were unpacking your textbooks and notepad at your desk in his study, covered in all manner of trinkets and sheets compared to his more practical array. You were clearly tense, you were distant from the moment he had made that comment. You had bristled, heeding his call but not accepting his extended hand, simply brushing past and taking your seat in the car home.

"And what is that supposed to mean? 'Meant to be' you should know you are mine alone," he narrowed his eyes stalking closer. You had sat by this point turned to some random page or other and beginning to take notes.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"About what."

"About how you embarrassed me, degraded me, and treated me in front of people who are already horrible enough to be around. No I don't want to talk about it the same way you never do." Well that was news to him seemingly, pulling back in exasperation before putting his hand over your text and moving into your eye line.

"What on earth is going on in your little mind, you can't just keep things from me-"

"That exactly that, 'little mind' you constantly belittle me it is bad enough in private and then you do it in public," you were avoiding eye contact your head in your hands. It was evident this had been building for some time, this outburst wasn't new. Taking a deep breath he re-positioned, sliding your chair out with his foot he moved closer. Gently taking your hands away and holding them.

"You need to tell me these things, be honest with me, I don't enjoy watching you squirm unless it is in anticipation of my fangs." It was then you finally looked up, fear filled your eyes.

"You've never been exactly happy to hear when you do something I don't like," He stayed silent, beckoning you to continue. "You say and do things that make me feel like you just see me as a pet. That's not love Ruki."

"What stupid ideas you fill your head with, of course I view you as more important now than in the past," He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back.

"I hardly think it's stupid. I get targeted enough, and you don't get that. I will never be good enough for them and I wouldn't even care if you didn't outright tell them you see me as livestock!" You stood a finger pressed imposingly against his chest. Eyes searching his for something. He paused for a moment before pulling you closer.

"Maybe I should call you that less than, but it would be easier for you to tell me names and I handle the situation." You laughed at that, finally letting him relax. He grinned moving his hand into your hair and approaching your neck.

"Although I've yet to hear you complain about what I call you in private..."

"Ruki!"

[theerurishipper]

I think the Batman's sidekicks equal child soldiers comes from them being called soldiers. Bat books seem to embrace the 'war on crime' narrative more as they are more gritty. On top of this Batman is emotionally incompetent meaning he treats his kids more like soldiers than children sometimes.

It's also quantity of sidekicks. Like, Barry had Wally. He didn't have any other kid sidekicks at the same time. Batman has a solid army and it often feels like one. They often feel more militarized than other 'fams'. Also, he is too controlling and doesn't treat this solid army of children well. So obviously when a character mistreats everyone around them, people are more likely to see the flaws. A kid cheerfully fighting aside their adult mentor isn't going to get called a child soldier but a kid written with a more gritty undertone is (especially because of the war on crime stuff).

He also had the whole 'good soldier' memorial which says he kinda viewed Jason, a dead 15 year old he adopted, as a soldier. Even though they were portrayed as a father son relationship so this immediately damages the perception of his relationships with his other children.

Also, the Under the Red Hood Movie is an entry level media for Bat fandom. It starred Mr Ackles of Supernatural fame. There is a huge child soldier narrative in the treatment of Sam and Dean by their father so Supernatural fans are more likely to see these themes. So Ackles fans watching the movie and then getting into the Batfam stuff will obviously latch onto this.

Also, this is not the only incident in superhero fandom where certain characters are singled out as child soldiers for other characters. This narrative is also present in some parts of the X-Men fandom, especially regarding the relationship of Professor X and Cyclops. As it is another incident of an adult character 'rescuing' a child in need and (I can't think of a better word) indoctrinating them to their cause.

I think another thing is the fact the Bats do not have powers. So narrative of 'with great power, comes great responsibility' only actually applies to Batman himself with his obscene wealth. So the classic narrative of you have power so you have to help people with them doesn't apply here. Most of the kids he recruits could have relatively normal lives. Jason, whose fans propagate this take heavily, did not ask to be Robin. Batman gave it to him. I also feel that Starlin was trying to have an arc about why having a child sidekick was bad in the Jason's Robin run so Jason's fans are more likely to be critical of the child sidekick thing. It basically goes 'maybe I should not have had this child fight crime' (while Jason is still alive) to 'it's Jason's own fault he got himself killed' which looks really bad.

So it just feels like a lot of factors give more and more people these kind of takes in a way that doesn't apply to other characters. Wonder Woman mostly fights alongside adults. The Flash is also adult heavy (Barry, Jay, Max as in adults that started as adults). Shazamily is all near is age (argument for Wizard perhaps). Lanterns, adults. Arrow family are usually a bit older than the bats and get less attention. Ect.

For me the thing is that... this is fiction. Not a one-to-one direct reflection of reality. In real life, we would frown upon vigilantism as a concept, but enjoying characters like Batman and Superman requires some suspension of disbelief. The same idea should be applied to the idea of sidekicks in general, something that would be very wrong in reality, but is acceptable within the fictional world of DC. Admittedly Batman is usually more grounded than the other books, but it still is within the fictional world of DC, where having child sidekicks in okay. Where letting children fight crime is not inherently wrong, and what defines whether it's good or bad is the intent of the person training/raising them (Bruce or Barry or Oliver as opposed to David Cain or Slade Wilson). We need to view it through that lens, otherwise it's kinda just bad faith criticism.

Another thing to consider is that Batman is an emotionally withdrawn character. It's pretty clear that he did not consider Jason a simple soldier for the cause, or his death wouldn't have ruined him the way it did. And honestly, for every Jason is a soldier case in the Batcave (something he got yelled at for btw), there is a Bruce giving Damian a heartfelt speech about how his kids aren't soldiers. For every moment Bruce treats his kids like soldiers, there is a moment where he openly admits to how much he loves them. I suppose after a point of time it's all up to interpretations, especially since the latter are far and few between, but canon has been pretty clear that Bruce loves his children above all else, and that he doesn't see them as soldiers. That's actually been a plot point a few times, so I think it shouldn't be a question that he sees them as sons and daughter and not soldiers. After all, the whole reason he does what he does for them is so that they don't turn out like him. Him coming off as seeing them like soldiers is not because it's the truth of what he thinks, it's because he can't express himself.

I did say there are plenty of other reasons to criticize Bruce as a character, one of them being the fact that he behaves abusively to his kids. But that's not a symptom of them being child soldiers. My post mostly stemmed from me seeing a lot of criticism of Batman "throwing kids into tights and a cape instead of getting them therapy," and it's like, nooooo. He very explicitly did not do that. They chose the life. Most of them would have done it whether or not Bruce was there. The kids being crimefighters isn't the problem.

If the cheerful thing is what differentiates them from others, the Robins have had that with Batman. Dick and Bruce actually had great fun as Batman and Robin, for instance, before things went sour. Jason may have been given Robin by Bruce, but he also loved being Robin and said it gave him magic. The inherent idea of kids fighting crime is not the issue in a fictional world. Robin in itself is something of a child empowerment kind of thing, a genre staple, at least in the beginning. We don't go around calling every child protagonist a child soldier, do we? It would be an inherently unethical thing in real life, but this is fiction. We have to have some amount of suspension of disbelief when it comes to that, just like we do for the idea of vigilantism itself. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a story.

My take on it is this: there are no child soldiers in DC (when it comes to the sidekicks). Because it's fiction. Within the conventions of the genre, it's well and good for Bruce or anyone to let kids fight crime. Bruce being an abuser is a different conversation entirely, one that should not be derailed with accusations of him raising child soldiers. Those are not a thing in DC, and we would all be happier if we accepted that. My post was specifically about that, that Bruce letting kids fight crime is not inherently a bad thing within the context on the world they operate in. I made the OG post because I saw a lot of criticism towards Bruce for the very act of letting kids fight crime, not because of how he treats them but because he apparently indoctrinated and manipulated them into his war on crime, just criticism for the very act of him letting them do so.

I've also seen talk about how awful it is for Bruce to continue to let kids be Robins after one died, and I just have to say, do you not want Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown and Cassandra Cain and Damian Wayne and Duke Thomas and every other kid hero in the Batfam to exist? Because if Batman were to do the right thing, they shouldn't exist. But, again, this is fiction. It's a story about superheroes. As per the rules of the story, Batman needs a Robin. Someone was going to be created to fill the void, and it was Tim Drake.

And if we go down that route, what does this say about Conner Kent and Bart Allen and Cassie Sandsmark and the other heroes like them? Because if Bruce is in the wrong for letting kids fight after Jason died, so are the other heroes who allow kids to keep fighting after one sidekick died on the job. Was Clark Kent raising a child soldier when he allowed Jon to fight crime? And it's also funny to me cause again, Tim Drake practically forced Bruce to take him on as Robin, with the explicit blessing of former Robin Dick Grayson, and Alfred Pennyworth. Everyone else was already in the life, and Bruce just helped them out. They would have done it regardless of him. So, to frame it in a manner as though he forced them into it, or he didn't care that Jason died and that it could happen to them too is wrong.

Perhaps it's because Batman is the most popular DC hero, perhaps it's because he's had the most sidekicks, perhaps it's because one of them died, but it's still not a correct argument. Again, there are very legitimate criticisms to be made of Bruce, ones I can agree with wholeheartedly, but this is not one of them. He is toxic and controlling and abusive to his kids, but they are not child soldiers. It is that very specific thing that I am objecting to. And that's what I think a lot of replies to my post misunderstand, because they're conflating Bruce being abusive with Bruce raising child soldiers, and I while I agree with their general point, I disagree with the framing and the inferences made from it. And then there are the people who inspired me to make the post, who are just wrong.

So, I do agree with a lot of the criticisms of Bruce and a lot of your points! I can see where the idea comes from considering how Bruce treats his kids, but I don't think the correct takeaway is that they are child soldiers specifically. Victims of abuse from Bruce? Sure. Not child soldiers. I hope this makes sense.

Thank you for your ask!

Just... gonna leave this here...