#but man did these duels piss me the fuck off

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Ranting about Blue Angel vs Spectre again

Negative rant below the cut. Skip this one if you don’t want to hear me shit talk this duel or Asuka vs Yuri in Arc V.

After rewatching it with my friend (who also hated it), I think I broke even on Blue Angel vs Spectre. On the one hand, I don’t hate Spectre anymore (two guesses as to why and the first doesn’t count) and I’ve played, just casually, with both the Trickstar and Sunavalon archetypes so it is kinda cool seeing them clash. On the other though...

I’m still angry about this.

I’m sure it’s just a case of “this is how the card worked when the episode was produced” but by today’s standards, this is cheating. And I hate illegitimate wins, especially when it comes at the cost of forcing the character who morally and narratively deserved the win to lose and not even get her revenge later or even any kind of canon resentment. And on top of that, she got utterly humiliated and beaten up like a ragdoll.

BUT

It’s still better than this dogshit.

Why? Because at the very least Blue Angel is clearly duelling at her best in the duel against Spectre, even making some frankly awesome well thought out plays. She isn’t forced to duel worse than we’ve been shown she can just for the sake of the plot, her character and duelling prowess are still left in tact. Asuka though? Here, even just sticking to Arc V and ignoring GX where Asuka is one of the best duellists at Duel Academia (raking in more wins than any other female lead in the series pre-Sevens), there’s an easy example of why her duel with Yuri sucks shit.

Asuka’s most powerful summon in her first Arc V duel:

Asuka’s most powerful summon in her second duel in Arc V:

And yes, I get it, variety and luck of the draw and all that nonsense. That didn’t stop Blue Angel from summoning this badass:

Blue Angel was mostly on even footing with Spectre, he just had more counterplays in the end. Had it not been rule breaking by today’s standards, I might not be quite as angry.

Asuka meanwhile went from being one of the most powerful duellists in her show to being fodder for the not even main villain and not getting to summon anything powerful or look competent as a duellist at all. Argue all you want that Sora and others got the same treatment, they didn’t. Sora lived for starters but he also got to fusion summon shit more powerful than a level five ritual monster which, reading the card text and not having played it admittedly, only looks half decent if you’ve ritual summoned other monsters, something particularly difficult to do with cyber angels. Also, Yugo gave it his all and synchro’d his synchros if I’m remembering correctly, he did not at all go out without a fight or a chance to show his skill as a duelist. 

No I will not ever stop complaining about how much I hate these duels, they’re the bottom of the barrel worst duels in the entire series. I hate them even more than every single rule break in the original series.

I really mean that.

[heartduvet]

slytherin boys see you get flirted with at a party

ⓘ in this scenario, the slytherin boys and u are in the talking stage

— draco malfoy

similar to tom, he would just storm out

asks you about it the next day in an accusing tone

clingy all day after u tell him you didn’t flirt back (his way of apologizing)

weirdly enough, after being scared and never straightforward in the talking stage, he mans up and asks you to be his gf

— blaise zabini

chuckles to himself as he sees you looking bored and repulsed

doesn’t intervene, he knows he has no right since you guys aren’t official yet

if the guy starts being a dick, he will get u out, otherwise will only ask you about it the next day

feels jealous, but this just proves to him that he needs to ask you to be his gf asap

— tom riddler

doesn’t even think about the possibility that the guy coming onto you is against your will

leaves without a word

the guy somehow happens to be paired up with him in dueling practice next monday

he does not hold back

he will not talk to you for a week

— lorenzo berkshire

“did u flirt back? bet you did, huh” in the meanest tone ever

would give u the silent treatment for a small time

you already know he’s gonna be at your dorm room at 2 am after Blaise talked to him and called him a bitch for acting like a one

never apologizes for his behavior, but is more open about u two having something going on between u onward to prevent any future casualties of the sort

— theodore nott

notices you being flirted with and happens to spill a drink on the guy

looks at said guy with 0 remorse, hits him with an “oops” before walking away

leaves you alone since he knows you two aren’t official (yet), he just needed to get u away from that prick. it’s for your sake. you’re welcome.

— mattheo riddle

sees you being flirted with almost immediately since he was staring at you from the other end of the room

walks over to you and puts a hand on your waist, looking at the guy with a ‘fuck off’ look

the guy is pissed off and walks off

he’s also pissed off and u tease him for being jealous

generally just very possessive and always has a hand on your waist, arms, back, thighs, whatever he’s allowed for the rest of the night

ⓘ this is my first tumblr post of the sort so please give me tips on how to make them better or how to make them more like their charcter would be, if i made them ooc. botched english? 1 am and not my first language HA

thank uuu ^^

[silassinclair]

Hello there! So this is my first time requesting since i just started following you. So let me tell you, your Yandere Wild West Outlaw got me absolutley smitten and obsessed! i love your writing so much!!

Anyway back to the main subject and on with the request.

What about Maddox with an EXTRA Sassy darling. Like, full of and fluent on sarcasm (the kind that makes you go: DAAAAMN). The darlin' has a sharp tongue and retorts for any kind of bad words might be thrown towards her (and maybe, way later in the relationship, towards Maddox too). From really polite f-u's to tge sthraightfoward ones, she can reply and roast anyone.

Oh and a bonus head cannon (a little something that came to mind) after reading about the wedding rings. I can totally imagine the darling going from questioning about where Maddox "buys" all the weird gifts to just becoming immune, later in the relationship. Let's say Maddox comes back (to the temporary) home with a very strange object, like A very expensive porcelain/china vase and the darling just goes: "oh thank you. Please put it on the table. I'll be done with the soup and then take care of it"

Yea anyway i'll stop rambling now.

Sorry for the bad english. It's not my first language and it is past midnight here.

Have a great day/night ✨

We love sassy girlboss Y/n’s here. Thank you for submitting this request anon!! Hope it is to your liking <3

Yandere Wild West Outlaw x Sassy Reader

CW// Y/n is a bully, Maddox gets his ego hurt, Maddox gets angry, Maddox is dumb

Masterlist

Maddox immediately knew that you were a spitfire when he first had a conversation with you. You weren’t the typical damsel in distress who when captured by the evil outlaw you’re forced into submission.

Oh no. There’s not a drop of submission in your body.

Maddox thought you would be useful to have around. You’d be his own personal maid! Maybe even like a housewife. But no…

“Clean my laundry if ya’ wanna live to see anotha’ day.”

“Alright alright, calm your tits. What should I clean first? The shirt with sweat marinated into the fabric or the undies with shit stains?”

“THERE AIN’T ANY SHIT ON MY UNDIES MISSY! IT’S DIRT!”

You’re a total pain in the ass. Whenever he tried to act cool or intimidating you’d immediately shoot it down with your words.

He hates it when you ruin his moment in front of other people.

He got really pissed after you made a jab at him in the middle of a duel.

“It’s just you an’ me boy. But we both know who’ll be standin’ by the end of this.”

“Hopefully it isn’t you.”

“SHUT UP Y/N! GET YOUR TUSH BACK INSIDE, I’M TRYNA’ HAVE A DUEL!”

Punishes you by tying you up and leaving you outside for the night.

He ignores your complaints about coyotes or rattlesnakes. He needs you to shut your mouth and give him some peace.

After that night of punishment though he noticed how you wouldn’t really talk to him often.

“Go shine my boots. And I don’t wanna hear a single complaint outta ya’.”

“Okay.”

“…”

Okaay so he fucked up.

The days drag on so slow without your quips and jabs! He never realized how funny the things you said are now that you’re gone.

Well you’re not gone, just more closed off now. But you may as well be gone. This isn’t like you at all to be so quiet and reclusive!

Maybe he was too rough in you? He did kill your Father and force you to be his housewife maid.

So doing what he does worst, he apologizes.

“Hey, ‘bout that one time I left ya’ outside. I realize that was silly of me cus ya’ coulda gotten eaten. So that was my bad.”

“So you’re sorry?”

“Yeah.”

He’s brushing Jasper’s fur, telling the horse how good he is. Cleaning Jasper is the only chore Maddox likes to do himself.

You’re sitting on a tree stump watching the man talk to his horse.

“You know Jasper’s a horse right?”

“Oh really? I thought he was a dog.”

The small smirk on your face after his little quip made Maddox feel like a million bucks.

That’s when he learned that he likes seeing you happy.

After the “Marriage”: (Read about it Here)

“Uhm what’s all this?” You ask your unofficial husband.

“This-”

He puts a brown sack down on the table. The sound of the contents inside clang together as he dumps it all out. A dozen chipped fine china plates come out.

“Is how we make our house a home sweetness. I hear housewives go crazy over fancy dishes n’ shit.”

Maddox stands there with a proud grin underneath his masked face. (He still hasn’t showed you his face yet btw.) He was like a dog showing his owner how good he is at retrieving sticks when playing fetch.

You look at him with an unimpressed quirk of your brow. “And where did you happen to come across such fine china may I ask?”

He shrugs and comes around the table to wrap his arms around you from behind.

“A buddy gave em to me.” His deep voice reverberates in your ear.

“Did you hold your so called buddy at gunpoint?”

“Would you be mad if I said yes?”

You groan and shakes your head back and forth. “Maddox you know you can’t just go around taking people’s stuff! Now the sheriff was probably alerted and is looking for you now. And why did you steal a bunch of plates!? Jasper can’t carry all this shit! We should only have what is necessary for survival you brute. Are you even listening to me!?”

But he only looks at you with lovesick eyes as you complain about how stupid he is.

“Princess did I ever tell you how sexy you are when you’re mad at me?” His hands go lower down your waist.

Rolling your eyes you smack his hands and leave his embrace, leaving him standing by himself like a kicked puppy.

“I have a meal to make so set the table with those plates you got. And no more stealing people’s things!”

“Yes ma’am.”

I appreciate all the requests that come in!! But I just want to remind all of you about my rules and that I do NOT write Y/n as a specific race. My writing is for everybody to enjoy!! She’s race ambiguous. Many people request that I write a Black Y/n but I’m not black so I won’t be doing that. If I write for a specific race then I feel like I’d just be stereotyping what black people are supposed to act like. So please don’t ask me to write for a Y/n that is a specific race. Thank you.

[artstatues]

hiiii can I request kai and kitt hcs from when they were kids? xx

⭒sticky bun fanatics. they'd barge into the kitchen after duels and impatiently wait for the buns to come out of the oven

⭒arguments to duels to a bloodbath man. like the maids are stressed and scared for these 2 dear children.

"kai give me back my crown!" the 9 year old kitt screeched. "nuh uh!" kai sprinted towards his room to lock it. only for kitt to keep banging on it until he got one of the maids to force kai into opening his door.

⭒they didnt have a childhood. kitt was built and raised to be a king every. single. day. until at some point he broke in front of kai which ended in kitt yelling in frustration.

⭒kitt got kai a personalized dagger for his birthday from a shop he once found while touring the kingdom when they were a bit older. its now kai's favourite

⭒when kai first killed paedyn's father, he broke down screaming crying throwing up and kitt only held him in silence.

"i killed him!" kai sobbed. "he didn't even do anything─ i didn't even know who was-! i-i just killed him. and- and there was a girl, i saw her. she was my age. i-i took her father away from her-" kai half yelled into kitt's arm. "shhh. that wasn't your fault, kai."

⭒sometimes the training would be too much for kai that he'd black out straight after. kitts probably the one to drag him back into his room.

⭒kitt got absolutely fucking pissed at the king for everything he did to kai, but he'd put on a fake smile everytime there was an etiquette training, or anything that he was forced into.

⭒even if kai's mother isn't kitt's biological one, when they were younger, perhaps 2-4 years old, she sings lullabies. kai's head on her lap while kitt would be sitting and leaning on her shoulder, slowly drifting away to sleep.

⭒kitt has probably been forced to marry a few women, here and there. but in the end, he snapped at edric so edric finally stopped. kai and kitt ranked the women he was forced to wed 😭 ( guys im sorry but theyre fuckboys like thay )

a/n: okay this is okay ish i guess, many of these were inspired by @lxvebelle !! and alot of these are also pretty much canon but anyways. my poor babies <3

taglist: @reminiscentreader, @never-enough-novels, @sophiesonlinediary, @off-to-the-r4ces, @lxvebelle.

@starrynightsxo, @flowers-for-em.

[sunnybyler]

i’ve been sitting on my thoughts for so long but i just have to get this off my chest. i don’t like to yuck ppls yum so if you like e/riel pls scroll away nd keep having your fun it’s not my problem. however some of y’all can get mean as HELL and as an elucien i have to get this off my chest. (also warning for gwynriels i’m with y’all i defend y’all here however i do go in a bit on az in this so fair warning). i truly have no idea why e/riels cling so hard to the azriel bonus chapter in acosf because that chapter, more than literally anything else in the series, proved to me that e/riel is absolutely NOT going to be endgame. let me explain:

1. it is explicitly stated that azriel did not think of his relationship with elain outside of a sexual nature. i think some ppl get kinda annoyingly puritanical when trying to make this point when it’s like 100% certain lucien had sexual thoughts of elain too. the point isn’t the thoughts themselves. the difference here is the explicit mention that he didn’t consider anything with her outside of that.

2. the point above ^ is further exacerbated by the fact that az did not give a flying fuck if he killed elain’s MATE. even if elain hasn’t accepted the bond, it would still be extremely painful for her based on what we’ve seen with rhys, feyre, and even rhys’s parents (who weren’t good for each other, yet we saw how rhys’s dad lost it when she died). now of course us lucien lovers know damn well he would never in a million years call a blood duel to try to claim elain (and fuck u rhys for saying that, i usually have your back but come ON you are not the only male who can respect their mate’s autonomy). but az doesn’t know that!? in fact seems to agree with rhys that he could. ppl argue on who would win that fight — my opinion hinges 100% on if powers are fully unleashed but that’s not the point at all. no matter WHO wins, elain is going to feel responsible for someone’s death. of course it wouldn’t be her fault if men decided to be fucking stupid, but with the little we know about elain shows that she would feel so guilty if that happened. but azriel doesn’t seem to give af that anyone fighting to the death over her is the last thing she would ever want. not only did az not think of elain outside his fantasies and therefore not fully care for her, but he doesn’t seem to even KNOW elain in this chapter. now, i could go in on this in acosf as a whole. but i’m keeping it to this chapter alone.

3. and further on THAT point, az doesn’t really give any reasoning on his interest in elain outside of this insane “three brothers/three sisters” thing he fully pulled out of his ass. tbh i almost thing this is sjm’s way of addressing the fan theories on that. now i get it to some extent from az’s pov — seeing his brothers happy with these sisters must fuck with your head after you’d all been bachelors together for 500 years. especially considering how he’s felt unworthy of love his whole life and this seems to support that insecurity of his. i get that it makes him feel ostracized from them, and that he’s now an outlier not being with an archeron. i get that. i do. i sympathize with him here. however that does not change the fact that he isn’t speaking of elain like she’s her own individual here — hell he fully calls her “the other”. i think part of this conversation was him being frazzled, i give him a bit more grace than some do (tho he pissed me off BAD in this scene), but we were fully in this man’s head. did he give us a full reason why he liked elain besides his brother’s mates and his sexual thoughts?? they would’ve at least crossed his mind when rhys was grilling them if sjm was trying to set up her next romance here. as it is, we have literally nothing to imply azriel actually likes elain herself and not the idea of being closer with his brothers.

4. az has kinda a habit of ignoring the reality of the women he’s attracted to in some way. he has his own version of them in his head that he puts on a pedestal. now i could do a whole psych eval on this man and how he thinks he’s unworthy of love and therefore only allows himself to have feelings for women he knows/thinks he can’t have. but to focus on this chapter alone, my points above ^ about how he doesn’t really think of elain outside his fantasies/bringing him closer to his brothers and not really understanding her pretty much wraps it up there. i mean he even talks about how he thinks his scarred hands don’t belong on her because she’s so perfect in his eyes. that’s not love, that’s obsession and it’s unhealthy. he clearly thinks himself below elain and ignores that she has her own flaws too.

5. aaaand i saved the biggest for (almost) last….. GWYN. this is a genuine GENUINE question. why in the fucking hell. would sjm make half the chapter focusing on az & gwyn if she was teasing e/riel. like that makes no sense. not to be annoying and mention chekhov's gun but that idea applies to relationships too. i’m sorry but she couldn’t be more explicit about her future romances. you could argue “oh well it’s because there’s gonna be a love triangle”. y’all. elain has. elain has a mate. there already IS a love triangle. there was absolutely no reason for her to bring gwyn into this chapter other than her preparing us for a future relationship, literally none. especially with all the romantic subtext (hell not even subtext, just TEXT). gwyn getting him to talk about himself so easily when he’s so quiet usually, him taking the idea of making her happy and he “buried the image down deep, where it GLOWED QUIETLY” (which SCREAMS mating bond to me but even if it’s not it’s clearly something he cherishes deeply), the SHADOWSINGERS SHADOWS SANG FOR HER!?

6. the fucking necklace regifting. oh it’s bad. OHHH ITS BAD. when the girls realize it’s gonna be SO messy but im hoping sjm doesn’t go the stupid cat fight route bc neither of them did anything wrong. az did. i’m sorry i’m dunking on him so much in this post i rlly don’t hate him i just think he needs like decades of therapy (which tbf don’t we all) which i unfortunately don’t think sjm is going to give him before giving him his romance. but even the biggest azriel lovers have to admit that this was insanity. a few points on it here. first, if it’s so easily regiftable then it couldn’t have been that well thought out in regards to elain. say what you will about lucien’s gifts, even argue that he gave her jewelry too. but elain was actually shown wearing pearls. az’s gift seemed shallow to me — it was something pretty, and elain’s pretty, and it had a flower, and elain gardens. it’s clear lucien put SO much more thought into his gifts, whether he succeeded or not (which i need to remind y’all — we still don’t know. maybe she liked the gifts maybe she didn’t, but regardless she acted the way she did bc of her feelings about the bond, not the gift). and azriel has spent so much more time with elain than lucien has. if that necklace really felt like elain to him, he could’ve kept it or returned it. but nope. buddy gave it to a whole other girl bc he could easily associate it with someone else. he clearly felt some special pull towards gwyn too, going out of his way to give it to her. he had ONE meaningful conversation with her. i already discussed the quote earlier that makes me think mating bond personally. but no matter what, him giving her the same gift he gave someone he was pursuing romantically is a clear sign of what’s to come (and probably a setup for some sort of drama that i don’t think im mentally ready for).

so there we have it! why i think that the bonus chapter thoroughly proves that e/riel is not going to be endgame. i honestly think it’s possible they might be a thing for a minute (tho i could also see this being the closing of that chapter), but i don’t think it’s going to last. sjm just gave us too many blatant hints that elain and az would NOT work together long term, and that azriel in particular is more suited for someone else. i might’ve missed some points bc there is SO much that goes down in this tiny chapter so lmk if there’s other stuff you picked up on!

[steddie-my-love]

You’re Our Kid

Dads!Blackbonnet x Daughter!Reader

Cw: Angst, (light) Canon Typical Violence, Harsh self image, not being beta read

—

Izzy Hands was pissed off. Granted, Izzy Hands is always pissed about everything but today was unlike anything the crew of the revenge had seen so far.

In these past few months he had watched Blackbeard, the most feared pirate in the world change before his very eyes. He was cheerful, having people call him ed and falling for Stede Bonnet. It wasn’t right.

Pirates weren't supposed to have attachments. The only thing you could trust was that they were always plotting against each other. Always ready to stab each other in the back or the side. But now ed had a kid and the whole world was upside down.

“Izzy” you called running onto the deck to greet the man “Sorry i’m late, i was helping frenchie with making dinner and I lost track of time. Are you ready for sword practice?”

He looked you up and down with cold eyes. Despite the hours of work you were still happy, still smiling, still the thing that had turned the most feared captain on the seven seas soft.

You had to go.

“Okay kid. We’re going to start with dueling technique” he rasped, drawing his scabbard from his waist and cleaning off the blade. “You’re going to have to face down all sorts and it’s your job to find your way out of it without help.”

You nodded dutifully, listening as the grizzled man eyed you up and down like a cat eyeing a mouse.

“The key is to catch your target off guard,” he continued “never expect a fair fight and never expect backup. In this life you only have yourself to rely on.”

In a sharp movement, Izzy swung his sword, cutting your wrist as your sword spun out of your hand. You glimpsed to the side to see where it had fallen but in the second you had looked away it was already too late.

You fell to the deck, head slamming against the wood hull. The world spun as you looked up, the sun stinging your eyes as you blearily looked at the world. Any mercy that Izzy had shown before had fallen away and as you stared up at what he really was; he was a killer.

Your sword was too far away. “Ste-” you started to call, desperate for some, any kind of help but were cut off as the the sharp point of izzy’s sword began to dig into your neck.

“Oh no you don’t” Izzy sneered “you don’t get to call for their help every time you’re stuck. Do you really think that they care for you? That they see you as anything but a nuisance? You are a passing fancy, and once they get bored of you, they’ll cast you off just like everything else.”

Izzy raised his arms again, scabbard in hand. This time the blow was meant to be deadly. You raised your hands to your face, waiting for the cut of the blade.

“IZZY” a booming voice called from behind the man. Izzy turned his gaze to see Ed running at him full speed, eyes practically glowing with rage as he disarmed his first mate and tackled him to the ground.

As the men fought, you could feel stede hoist you up to your feet. “Its okay my dear, you’re safe now. We’ve got you” he said gently.

The world seemed to sway as the blonde lifted you up. Closing your eyes, you let your head fall against his chest. Everything seemed to hurt and the world was fading further and further away from you.

“My dear i need you to stay awake” Stede said, tenderly stroking your jaw until your eyes opened again. His eyes seemed wilder than you had ever seen before, usual silky timber thick with anxiety. “What did he do darling? What happened?”

You blinked your eyes blearily, your pupils moving in and out of focus. “Me n’ Izzy were training. Said i made you two soft and that I had to go. Next thing I knew I was knocked to the ground.”

Stede’s heart had never broken more than in that moment. You looked so broken, and could not seem to stop shaking beside your best efforts.

“You son of a bitch” Ed snarled, finally pinning Izzy to the ground “what the fuck did you think you were doing? You could have killed her!”

Izzy’s face hardened “I’m doing what has to be done. What you don’t have the courage to do.”

If Ed hadn’t been mad before, he was furious now. He saw your crumpled form clinging onto stede to stay up, the fear in your eyes as you watched ed’s wrath come forward in unholy waves.

“You’re lucky I didn't kill you right here, right now.” Ed spoke, voice dangerously low, his face pushing into Izzy's “If you ever so much as think about hurting my daughter I won't stop at the toes next time.”

Ed pushed himself off, signaling to two of the crew to secure the first mate. “Lock him up in the brig. Bastard needs some time to rot”

It was just as he said this that your legs finally gave out, the world fading to inky black as you faded down into oblivion in the care of two leatherbound arms.

—

The gentle rocking of the boat stirred you from your sleep, your eyes opening to the dim captain’s quarters. Gingerly, you began to raise your head up off of the couch but tendrils of white hot pain reached up your neck.

“Don’t move darling” Stede cooed, pushing your hair back out of your face. “Ed’s gone to fetch some broth and a towel for you. Just relax”

Your head swam, a million questions floating through but one seemed to break through.

“Where’s Izzy?” you asked, your voice tightening suddenly.

Stede’s brows furrowed in confusion “Well, the boys threw him in the brig but i figure Ed wants to throw him in to the bottom of the ocean”

“You should let him out. He was only trying to protect Ed, I wasn't on my mark. I’ll be ready next time.” you spoke, fingers twisting into the fine blanket draped over you.

“He tried to kill you y/n. That man is not walking free any time soon”

“He was right, Stede!” you said, voice cracking as tears began to fill your eyes.

“Right about what little sparrow?” Ed’s voice called from the door.

Silent tears began to stream down your face, the weight of izzy’s words seeming to suddenly flatten you.

“Izzy said i was a bad influence on you. That my being here softened you and that you were better off without me. That you would move on just like everyone else does” you said barely above a whisper, unable to say it any louder before the tears overtook you.

When you looked to the side you expected two sullen faces in stark agreement, but as you looked to the men they had wet eyes taking in everything you had just said.

Ed was the first to break the silence, clearing his throat as it had tightened up. “Is it okay if i touch you y/n?” he asked gently.

You nodded, unable to speak without devolving into a stream of tears. Ed picked up your legs to sit on the couch, slipping them back over him as he took his position on the couch. Stede stayed at your side on the floor, watching you.

“Izzy may have known what i wanted when i was a young man” Ed started, choosing his words carefully as he traced patterns onto your calves “but he hasn’t understood me for a long time. This ship, Stede, You- that’s all I want now.”

You nodded your head slowly “So am i-”

Ed gave out a short laugh “Are you my kid? I’d say in all ways except biologically, yes.”

“And you’re also my kid” Stede interjected, brown eyes darting between the two of you “and as long as me and ed are alive your home is right here with us.”

“Good, that’s exactly where i want to be” you said.

And as the ship sailed on, taking you to unknown places and adventures you knew that there was nothing that would tear the three of you apart.

[inquisimer]

holy HELL just played the Landsmeet with my Brosca and my head is SPINNING that did not go the way I planned kermiecrisis.jpg

I've been debating the whole time about Alistair marrying Anora vs Alistair ruling alone BUT when it got to the moment where I was like "nah Loghain is gonna live" Alistair's dialogue S L A P P E D me in the face.

Nika rebutted his argument with the "not all of us have spotless histories you know" line and Alistair really spouts off about how Loghain's crimes aren't minor, but Brosca has been struggling with her own history this entire time!!! Especially in her relationship with Alistair!!! Like, he doesn't know the circumstances of her recruitment!! He doesn't know what she was in Orzammar!! She has literally been a criminal her entire life!!! She's listening to this and she's thinking that all the people she's killed or help kill or otherwise done harm to could easily add up to a number that Alistair wouldn't think is acceptable!!! So he's saying all of these things and she's not hearing them about Loghain, she's hearing Alistair say them about her ;-;-;-;-;

And like. Suddenly a) he wants to make A Decision and b) now he's all eager to rule as long as it ensures that he can get his vengeance. She is PISSED about that because she has been making hard fucking decisions and doing shit she did not want to do in the slightest for THREE YEARS (hc timeline) and she was FIFTEEN when this all started and she's just been through hell and he's throwing a fit and she is just. so fucking done????

And then. And THEN. I guess I didn't realize that after Alistair is like "yeah I'm gonna leave then" that Anora will still be like "nuh uh, I'm ordering your execution". But she does!! So after everything, with all these shitty thoughts going through Nika's head and she's also just finished a massive duel and political banter on top of everything else, she uses her favor from the queen to spare Alistair's life

AUGGGHHHHHHHHH ;-; ;-; ;-; ;-; ;-;

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!!!!!!

And then she just tells him to leave and suddenly they've lost three years of coming together and learning about each other and supporting each other and dumb jokes and childlike fuck ups and the oh-god-we're-saving-the-world adrenaline. And he says that makes it EASIER 😭😭😭

God, I don't think anything in DAO has ever slapped me as hard as that did right there. This fucking game man😭

[a-rose-for-gold]

“The Crocodile”

Okay. I was typing a reblog and it somehow became a rant/spiel, so I’m making a whole post about it.

“The Crocodile” Episode? I know a this isn’t exactly an unpopular opinion, but I’mma say it anyway.

Hook and Milah. Had. It. COMING.

Granted - Hook became cool eventually. But I hated him for a LOT of the series on the grounds of his first impression alone.

Like it’s one thing to run off with a man’s wife. Rumple and Milah weren’t in love and the marriage wasn’t a good one. She put zero effort into their family and taking her off their hands may arguably have been better for everyone.

Seriously. Fuck Milah.

Spinner Rumple tried so hard to be a good husband and father, or at least to make their family work in a loveless marriage, and he deserved better.

But in spite of that, what Hook did to him on the ship crossed so many lines and he totally deserved to get owned for it.

Let’s review:

Concerned husband boards a pirate ship to beg for his wife back, thinking she’s been abducted. Right off the bat: That right there took courage. It always pisses me off when OUAT characters call Spinner Rumple a coward, because he really wasn’t. The world put him through it and he was doing his damn best. Just showing up to the ship of bloodthirsty pirates, knowing that literally all he could do was beg and hope for the best, took guts.

Back to Hook. So this poor guy shows up to ask for his wife back unharmed. And shy of actually hurting Rumple, Hook decides to do quite possibly the cruelest thing he could have done:

Keep letting the spinner think that his wife had been taken against her will and that she was being raped by the whole crew.

If Milah was in on the lie, then in my opinion SHE was the cowardly one here. Not Rumple. You want to abandon your disabled husband and son to run off and live the high life with a pirate? Own your shit.

But no. Instead they pushed the blame onto Rumple and gaslit this poor man into thinking it was somehow his fault.

Yeah - Rumple didn’t pick up the sword when Hook challenged him to a duel over Milah. But let’s think about that for a sec shall we?

We have Rumplestiltskin: An older wool spinner with a disability. Who can’t walk all that well WITH his walking stick - much less without it, on a boat, and during a fight with a sword. Which he’s barely held in his life unless you count the crash-course he got as fodder- I mean a new recruit, when he was drafted into the Ogres War.

Versus Captain Jones: A younger, taller, stronger pirate. An experienced swordsman, comfortable on a ship, and with two good legs. AND with a loyal crew of OTHER strapping pirates who would probably kill Rumple even if by some miracle he DID take Hook by surprise or something.

So really, Rumple had two options here.

Option A: Refuse to fight the bloodthirsty pirate, leave with your life but without your wife, and return home to your now motherless son.

Option B: Fight the bloodthirsty pirate, probably die or at least get badly injured (which could be death within a few days-weeks anyway given his financial situation and living conditions), the pirate takes your wife anyway, and your son is left an orphan who may or may not ever know what happened to you.

So there was no realistic scenario here where he fights off the pirates like a dashing hero and carries his wife home.

What else was he supposed to do?!

Rumplestiltskin is extremely smart. He always was. He knows when to pick his battles and he would have known all of that at a glance.

Refusing to fight wasn’t cowardice. It was common sense.

And yet Hook, this mothafucka, who must have realized all of this too and put Rumple in this situation in the first place, had the gall to act disgusted about it when Rumple refused to “fight like a man.” And then gaslit him into thinking that he was a coward and a fool for making what was obviously the more rational decision.

Now Hook is a pirate. I never would have expected much from him. But that’s no excuse. What he did was fucked. And karma is a bitch.

Stupid Game = Stupid Prize

And yes I know this is a pretty commonly held opinion so it shouldn’t be new to anyone but I rewatched that episode recently and needed to get this off my chest. 😤

[duckapus]

Incorrect Quotes (ssenmodnaR Edition)

Now that it's been a while since "It's Gotta Be Perfect," SMG4's once again feeling comfortable with the idea of being more ambitious with his videos. Thankfully he has learned his lesson and won't be striving for perfection, and he also won't be trying to go it alone. Instead, he's taking inspiration from the man he was designed as a self-insert of and putting together a production crew (of actual employees, not enslaved Toads. That's another low point he doesn't want to go back to.

Next up on the applicant list is Baljeet, for some reason, who's been asked to put together a meme compilation as a test of his editing skills.

"Alright kid, show me what you got."

"Of course," he moves to hit the play button, but pauses to add, "I should warn you, however, that it is a bit... strange, at certain points." He hits the button before 4 can ask what he means.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

FM: *gestures incredulously at a car* Who parked their car...

*the view shifts slightly to reveal a jpeg of a BLT under one of the tires*

FM: On my sandwich!?

Steve: I did!

FM: *gets so angry he explodes into a coin*

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

*MarioMario54321 and Tari face each other on a version of final destination, with MM wearing a Duel Disk and Clench transformed to fulfil the functions of one*

MM: You ready?

Tari: *grins* Born ready.

MM: Well then... *starts using the Yu-Gi-Oh! intro Yami voiceclip* It's Time to D-D, DD-D-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD *D-ing continues as he starts spazzing out*

Tari:

Clench: 'da fuk?

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Elanore: *runs around in an office building, throwing raisins around like confetti* RAISINS! RAISINS! THEY USED TO BE GRAPES!

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Meggy: *wandering through what's clearly a Zelda dungeon for some reason*

Random Evil Wizard Dude: *appears from the shadows, pointing menacingly with a staff* Stop right where you are, Maddy.

Meggy: *gasps* How did you almost know my name?

Wizard Dude: I have approximate knowledge of many things.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Desmond: *sitting on a bench, minding his own business*

Franky: *rises up behind him* I can smell you.

Desmond: *jumps up in shock while yelling in Homer Simpson's voice*

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

MM: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Perry: *assumes a fighting stance in the middle of a warehouse while Doof does an evil laugh off-screen*

Doof: You are too late, Perry the Platypus! I am now... *drives on-screen in a forklift* FORKLIFT CERTIFIED!

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

*this would work better in a visual format, just picture Paige doing the same actions as the music video while Crabcake keeps showing up in the areas they point out in funny poses*

Paige: Now everything smells like salmon!

My shirts!

My couch!

My sheets!

If I had a couple more square feet,

I imagine this would not happen!

Everything smells like salmon!

Straight-up salmon.

Smell it from the bed to the door,

when you're living in a space that's not much more than a cabin,

well sometimes this happens

Everything smells like salmon.

FUCK IT UP ANDI!

Andi: *epic keyboard solo*

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Avatar Kirby: *reenacting Speed of Kirb...through the Showgrounds, while the SMGs watch him through the coffee shop's window with resigned annoyance*

SMG3: I'm not helping him if he pisses off Marty.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

*back at the Yu-Gi-Oh! duel, Tari and Clench have resorted to playing against each-other while they wait for MM to hopefully pull himself together*

Clench: ...Well this sucks.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

*The Abyss and Juliano are in the middle of a fancy restaurant...for some reason*

The Abyss: I poisoned one of our glasses, but I can't remember which.

Juliano: The way this dinner is going I hope it's mine.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Mario: Fuck you, Baltimore!

Bob: If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend,

Mario: You're a big enough schmuck to come to Big Bill Hells Cars!

Bob: Bad deals!

Mario: Cars that break down!

Bob: Thieves!

Mario: If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Bill's,

Bob: You can kiss my ass!

Mario: It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker-

Bob: You'll fall for this bullshit!

Mario: Guaranteed!

Bob: If you find a better deal,

Mario: Shove it up your ugly ass!

Bob: You heard us right!

Mario: Shove it up your ugly ass.

Bob: Bring your trade!

Mario: Bring your title!

Bob: Bring your wife!

Mario: We'll fuck her!

Bob: That's right! We'll fuck your wife!

Mario: Because at Big Bill Hells,

Bob: You're fucked six ways from Sunday!

Mario: Take a hike!

Bob: To Big Bill Hells!

Mario: Home of Challenge Pissing!

Bob: That's right!

Mario: CHALLENGE PISSING!

Bob: How does it work?

Mario: If you can piss six feet in the air straight up-

Bob: -and not get wet-

Mario: You get no down payment!

Bob: Don't wait! Don't delay,

Mario: Don't fuck with us, or we'll rip your nuts off!

Bob: Only at Big Bill Hells!

Mario: The only dealer that tells you to FUCK OFF!

Bob: Hurry up, asshole!

Mario: This event ends the minute after you write us a check!

Bob: And it better not bounce or you're a dead motherfucker!

Mario: Go to hell!

Bob: Big Bill Hells Cars!

Mario: Baltimore's filthiest,

Bob: And exclusive home to the meanest sons of bitches in the state of Maryland!

Mario: Guaranteed!

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

*several robed figures stand in a circle around a chained up Teletubby*

Robed figures: Chanting in unison, chanting in unison, chanting in unison... (yes, they are actually chanting the words "chanting in unison" in unison. it's even an actual voice clip from the Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.)

Luigi: *opens a door to whatever room these guys are in, sees what's happening, and swiftly backs out the way he came*

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

Hex: *dancing to Buck Bumble's theme music*

fucking Jerry the Goomba kid: Buck Bumble sucks, ya dumbass!

Hex: *the music stops with a record scratch and she slowly turns her head to look at him with a vacant expression*

A Few Seconds Later

Hex: *back to dancing, now with Jerry's burning corpse off to the side*

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

MM: DDDDDD-DUEL! *finally done, he looks up to see that Tari got tired of waiting and left* Ah, crap.

ssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnarssenmodnar

"...The hell was that?"

"That is what I said! Oh sure, give all the weird stuff to Baljeet! It definitely will not make no sense without context! I do not think some of them are even from our universe, and I am not sure how that is even possible!"

"Well...it's at least well-edited? Might work as part of a "Ssenmodnar" video or something, we haven't had one of those in a while. I'll, uh, I'll get back to you later, alright?"

After he leaves, Baljeet sighs and looks back at the monitor, "I need better clips."

[joz-yyh]

Acta Est Fabula - Ch. 10

SUMMARY: Crimson Court AU. The boy's spar turns hot and heavy No Beta. Read at your own risk.

PAIRING: Flagellant x Bounty Hunter

RATING: M (violence/ sexual themes / blood magic)

WORD COUNT: 3,756

READ ON Ao3: -> HERE!!

A/N: This whole chapter is gratuitous smut, but they'll need it for the journey that lies ahead. Hope you like a begging bottom!Tardif~

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“Should we really do this so close to camp,” Damian protests, worried for the state they would leave it in, their pets getting caught in the fray.

“Not like we’ll have perfect conditions in a real fight,” Tardif vollies, preferring realistic expectations over pristine hypotheticals.

“As you say, vampire hunter,” Damian acquiesces, exhausted and they hadn't even started yet.

He waits on his side of the tall grass, assuming a slimmer stance, a claw at the ready to defend himself.

“Well,” Tardif prompts.

“Well, what?”

“Aren't ye gunna choose a weapon,” the human all but demands, waiting for him to do just that.

“Do you really think I need one,” Damian replies, looking at a loss, ill prepared.

“Might come in handy. Better to have one than not.”

“And what weapon would you have me use, vampire hunter?”

Tardif reaches for the first thing that comes to mind, taking a dagger from his boot (one of several “treasures” he brought from the cave), tossing it in Damian's direction.

It lands in the dirt by his feet, the nobleman stepping forward to retrieve it.

“A dagger,” the flagellant muses, assessing the slender shape, “against your axe? And they say size doesn't matter.”

“Even somethin' small can be deadly if it's applied well enough. Even better if it's hidden. It's all ‘bout how ye use it.”

Funny coming from a man that harps on the very opposite.

“Dear hunter, my body is my weapon. I’d scarcely know how to work this as well as my claws.”

“Ye stab people wit’ it. Wot's more to know?”

Damian does everything he can to hold in his laugh, but he can't, too amused by his partner's curt explanation.

“Thank you, I hadn't the faintest idea that's what it was for.”

He's dripping sarcasm of course, throwing the blade at Tardif in retaliation, the hunter deflecting it with ease as if it was second nature, the mark of a professional.

“So much fer yer weapon,” he snorts, balking as it lands somewhere off kilter, lost in the reeds.

“Yes, it appears I am completely helpless. Whatever shall you do.”

“Fine,” Tardif growls, brows knitted in opposition, stance dipping low, “have it yer way.”

He takes off, sprinting forwards, assaulting his partner with a flurry of blows, the vampire side-stepping circles around him thanks to his impressive speed.

“Ye gunna be flighty the whole time? Attack me already.”

“I did, didn't I,” the vampire counters, referring to his dagger throw, weaving past another swing, Tardif aiming for his throat.

“Attack again,” Tardif asserts, dealing a particularly powerful undercut.

“Fine,” the vampire growls back, swiping at him with his sharp nails, targeting the head just as the hunter had done, the nicks he lands too superficial for the hunter to acknowledge the sting of.

Damian clearly doesn't have his heart in it, not as invested in their duel as his partner is, but at least this was starting to feel like an actual skirmish and if pissing him off was the only way to get the vampire to take this more seriously, then Tardif was about to use a whole bag of underhanded tricks.

It's crazy to think they've fucked before crossing blades, Damian marveling at how focused the human is, that he's putting his entire being into every strike, calculating the physics in a span of seconds.

“You really enjoy fighting, don't you?”

Tardif barks out a laugh. “Wot was yer first clue?”

His muscles have loosened up now, getting back into the groove after days of indulgence, slicing at Damian, cutting into his shoulder.

The vampire stills at the lucidity of pain, not a mere scratch, but a deep tear, one that the vampire is shocked his human made against him.

“So, that's how you want it,” the nobleman seethes, a hateful wrinkle in his red eyes.

Blood has seeped through his clothes, a gaping hole ripped through the fabric, enough reason for him to remove his jacket along with his hat, throwing them somewhere off in the distance.

Tardif delights in seeing the shift in Damian’s demeanor, to see that bloodlust that struck him so deeply the first time returning now as a dark glimmer.

“Wot? Did ye think I'd go easy on ye?”

“No, I just didn't think this was a fight to the death.”

“Might be the only time I can fight ye seriously. ‘Course I am going all in,” Tardif scoffs, gripping his weapon tightly.

“So, you want us to kill each other before the viscount will get a chance? Weakening ourselves in battle is a most insipid approach.”

“Neither of us knows wots gunna happen tomorrow. Injured or not. Besides, wots the big deal? Ye can just heal me and yerself.”

“It may increase our chances,” Damian counters, “but if you insist on continuing, I think we both know how this fight of ours will end.”

“Prove it,” Tardif spits, insulted that Damian didn't think he stood more of a chance when he was first and foremost a vampire hunter.

“If memory serves, l've already bested you once before.”

His oral recounting is too calm, cool, and superior for Tardifs liking, reminiscent of when they first met.

“Doesn't count. Sicked yer damn pet on me,” Tardif growls, discrediting the victory.

Sebastian gurgles in offense, watching from the sidelines, Pierre perched upon the croc’s head, prime seating for the duel taking place.

“You say that as if you're not a pet yourself,” Damian snaps.

The insult burns, Tardif's own tricks thrown back at him, a super effective blow.

“Oh, did I hit a nerve? Perhaps you should apologize to Sebastian and Pierre. Afterall, you have a lot in common.”

Tardif is stewing with anger, trying to get his head on straight, think clearly, but it's not going so well.

“In case you're wondering,” the vampire says, “I know what you're trying to do. Provoke me all you like, I won't use my full strength against you.”

Tardif's heard enough.

“That's yer problem, not mine,” the human growls, attacking him head on.

Damian pulls from his open wound, using the blood there, the stuff waving around like magic ink and Tardif never expected it would harden, be strong enough to stop his blade. It looks as fragile as glass and yet it's as hard as stone, his axe unable to crack it now matter how hard he swings.

“What say you now, vampire hunter,” Damian snarls, “impressed?”

Tardif only has a moment to reflect on his frustration before flashes of red invade his vision, what feels like razor blades slice into the back of his legs, the length of his arms, weakening him slowly.

How is he doing this? Did Damian truly have such mastery over his blood that he could morph it into a weapon, use it as a booby trap of shurikens?

“Has it sunk in yet? Do you see how outmatched you are, little fly?”

They are both too good at getting under each other's skin, but Tardif isn't about to give up, if anything it just leads him to his next move: kicking Damian in the crotch.

As soon as the hit connects, the barrage of cuts stop, the flagellant staggering backwards, his aegis of blood splattering onto the ground, useless.

“That was dirty.”

“Ye think our enemies will be playing fair?”

“Is that what you want, vampire hunter,” Damian growls, practically feral, “For me to be your enemy? To forget everything between us?”

The vampire's eyes turn dark obsidian, fangs doubling in number, growing long, pointy, such raw fury all aimed at him.

Sebastian steps forward, about to intervene when his master stops him, an arm outstretched.

“Down boy, daddy's working right now.”

Pierre gives a shudder, feeling the change in atmosphere, fearing for them both.

“There it is! That look! Where nothin' else matters, but destroyin' the thing in front of ye. Liberatin’ isn’t it?”

The nobleman doesn't answer; he's too busy flying forward, so fast that it takes all of Tardif’s strength just to defend himself.

What he doesn't account for is an insect leg (make that several), one to stab him in the foot, the others to target his weapon, knocking the axe out of hands.

Well, this is becoming a theme. Now he sees where Sebastian inherits his fighting style from.

The human is losing blood, growing slower, foot still pinned down, and while he could resort to basic punches and kicks, his undead opponent would more than likely dodge every move he made.

There is one resource he hasn't tried yet, a little bottle he picked up from the swamp, throwing it's blessed contents now, wondering how effective it will be.

Damian seems surprised, a hand brought to the paleness of his face, feeling the skin blister, sizzle with smoke, practically melting off bone.

“Holy water, you used holy water on me?”

He's laughing, delighting in the burn as if he's been baptized by it.

“I can't remember the last time someone's done that.”

Seems Damian has woken up from his bloodlust, his limbs receding, eyes returning to normal, apparently starting to have fun himself with this turn of events.

Maybe the bloodsuckers vision has gone awry, a drawback of his face peeling off because his attacks have become less poised, bordering on inebriated, the brute managing as best he can with his gimp foot.

“Ye tryin’ to rip my heart out,” he taunts, his shirt practically in tatters with the number of times Damian slashed at it.

“Why waste the effort, when it already belongs to me?”

Claws dig into his chest, making it ache, forcing him back into the mud, body sunk and sticking to it. Blood magic locks around Tardifs left wrist, holding it down, cutting into flesh.

Damian has him pinned, there’s no denying that, kneeling over him with another claw pulled back, notched like an arrow should his prey struggle against his binds.

“Do you yield,” the vampire snarls, words bitter, antagonized, angered that Tardif had made him this, “or must I destroy you completely?”

“Ye ain’t gunna kill me,” the human grumbles, unphased, jaded, as if there was never any danger of that.

“Oh no, much worse,” the flagellant warns, targeting the stubborn warrior’s pride, knowing it would hurt him more than mortal wounds ever could, “I claim your defeat.”

“Ha! Ye sure ‘bout that,” he barks, truly amused, “Could get ye right here if I wanted,” the brute indicates, gently bumping his knee against the flagellant’s liver, a move that would no doubt incapacitate and provide a window of escape.

“Yes, you could have,” the vampire sighs, feeling the injury even without his partner inflicting it, yearning for the pain, “why didn't you?”

“Think I like havin’ ye on top,” he says, a dry utterance, grinning to himself.

The vampire hadn't noticed it before (silly him), but it seems their spar has sent the hunter’s blood racing, riled up, ready to fuck.

“You would permit me such an honor,” Damian badgers, throwing insult for insult.

“Yeah, just this once.”

He pulls the flagellant down to his lips with the one free hand he has, holding him with a surefast grip. It's a messy clash, full of desperation, one that’s hard and eager, but nonetheless leaves him breathless.

“We shouldn't tire ourselves out,” Damian reminds him, a voice of reason.

“Don't know ‘bout ye, but not sittin’ around the rest of the night playin’ it safe,” he argues, burning hot and heavy, “gunna make every second count.”

It's not Damian's usual way of doing things, having spent so many years wasting away in the solitude of the swamp, loathing his existence, but Tardif had given him hope, a purpose, even redemption.

His human can be quite inspiring when he wants to be, living fast and free, fearlessly without regret, and Damian doesn’t see the harm in trying things his way, if only for tonight. Tardif’s right, they may not get another chance.

“So … ye gunna uncuff me now,” the huntsman asks, raising a brow to the shackled wrist above his head.

“It's tempting,” the nobleman muses, mitigating his options, “Or I could leave you here and let you tend to yourself.”

“Don't ye dare,” Tardif warns, mortified by the thought, “or I really will kill ye.”

Damian chuckles, breaking the bloody snare with a crystalline snap, the magic dissolving into thin air and the moment that Tardif’s hand is free, he’s using them both to grab at his lover again.

They're kissing like maniacs, Tardif arching up into him, wet clothing grating against their skin, the vampire’s hand wrapped around his neck, the other caught between his chest, splayed against the incisions they bore.

“Aren't ye worried ‘bout the kids watchin’,” the brute teases, a blush beaming bright against his dark skin.

Damian’s eyes blow wide, attention snapping toward their audience, almost forgetting. Sebastian has since slid his bulk back towards camp, taking Pierre with him, the two setting off on a voyage, drifting through the canal.

“Seems they know better than we do,” the vampire says, gaze returning to Tardif just as hands lodge themselves into the waistband of his tights.

“Then, fuck me, already,” Tardif coos, pulling the fabric down, gripping at his lover’s ass the moment it's exposed.

Damian stutters, face a brilliant scarlet, never expecting such a demand to sprout from his human’s mouth, lewd pillow talk a heady drug that strokes directly at his core.

“You're hardly prepared,” the nobleman argues, gathering his wits.

“Don't need to be. Just do it,” Tardif huffs, leaning up to bite at a pale neck, thinking he wants to try vampirism for himself.

He doesn’t stop until he breaks skin, and it becomes clear now that Tardif is just as scared of what's to come tomorrow, clinging to thrill, distracting himself with it, and that makes Damian feel a little more at ease.

“You’re ready when I say you are,” the flagellant insists, putting his partner in his place, “Now, would you kindly remove your hands,” he asks more politely, involuntarily bucking his hips because the human’s finger has wandered in, fondling him, an action he most certainly should be performing on his counterpart.

Tardif does as he's asked, but only after giving a cheeky little swipe to his hole, smirking about his own petty attempt at defiance.

Still, Damian is nonetheless grateful, speaking a, “Thank you,” aloud.

The human doesn't keep his hands to himself for long. He slides them up, towards the front, over the flagellant's waist, feeling the bulge of his dick, trapped by the conventions of clothing.

“If you refuse to behave I could simply cuff you again, but perhaps you’d enjoy it more if I used my legs.”

“Heh, ye threatenin’ me wit’ a good time?”

“It won’t be, at least not for you.”

Tardif thinks otherwise.

“Do you still have that vial of oil?”

Ah. He nearly forgot all about that.

“Not much left.”

The hunter reaches into his pocket, showing him the few amber colored drops that remain.

“Very well,” the vampire laments, “blood it is.”

While Tardif dwells on how ominous that sounds, the nobleman pulls at his partner's belt buckle, having an awful time actually getting his pants off, a task made harder when they were sticking to every inch of his skin.

“This would be so much easier if I could just rip these off you.”

Who knew that such a simple thing as undressing could drive the bloody saint’s aggravation to the point of no return?

“Ye could,” the hunter prompts, eyebrow raised because he likes the idea of an impatient Damian shredding his trousers to ribbons just to fuck him faster. At least then it would match the state of his shirt.

“Then, you'd have nothing to wear.”

“I am alright wit’ that.

Tardif wriggles his hips, his hands joining in the cause, helping to get the meddlesome garment out of the way, tossing them aside while Damian cuts a line down his palm, ruby red blood dripping down to coat his fingers.

Tardif isn't taking the stretch too well, feeling the sting of a sharpened nail as the pointed edge penetrates him.

“Damn those fuckin’ claws of yers,” he grumbles.

“You seemed not to complain about them before.”

“Complainin’ now.”

“Why don't you try begging instead?”

The retort dies in the hunter's throat, groaning in resistance, but the more Damian presses inside, the more he shivers, throwing his head back, fingers curling inside him, finding his sweet spot.

“There you are, my pet,” the nobleman smirks, enjoying his lover’s reactions.

“Will ye just get on wit’ it?"

“Surely, you can beg better than that.”

The brute arches, the nobleman gaining the upper hand almost effortlessly and Tardif can't take it, he reaches down to jerk himself off.

“Ah shit, shit, shit, fuck me.”

“That’s precisely what I am doing.”

Damian withdraws, biting at his own wrist, letting it trickle down onto his dick, coating himself in rose red.

The human watches this, slowing in his hedonistic strokes as his partner positions himself against his prize.

It's sticky, almost painful as he slides inside, Tardif wincing, gripping his cock in a stifling grip and then in an instant, it all turns euphoric.

“Wot the hell,” he huffs, noticing the difference.

“You feel it don’t you? Warming you, filling you up.”

“Nrgh,” the brute grunts, awash in it, “yeah.”

“My gift to you,” the flagellant smirks, kissing his partner, letting the effects of his blood take hold.

Tardif has felt this sensation before, back when the vampire had healed him, but this dose was much more potent, body alight with pinpricks and dizzy spells.

His wounds are healed, Damian's face mending itself too and Tardif forgoes his masturbation in favor of holding his partner instead, letting him set the pace as he trips further into a narcotic haze.

Maybe having a more experienced lover wasn't so bad, there's a finesse of rhythm that could only come from exploring another's body and the more he lets Damian take control, the more his pleasure intensifies.

The cock inside him swells, becoming inches thicker, the human grunting as he adjusts to the change, trying to make sense of it because the idea sounds just as crazy in his head.

“Did ye just make yer cock grow bigger?”

“Yes, another perk of my blood. Do you like it?”

The blush on his cheeks should be evidence enough, but he wasn't going to give the vampire any more clout.

“Don't care. As long as I cum.”

Well, he'll just have to find a way to help him appreciate his powers more.

Damian hovers a hand over his lover's length, blood magic swirling around the base, solidifying crimson into a tangible ring.

“Wot did ye do to me,” Tardif grunts, feeling it's suffocating influence almost immediately

“Isn't it obvious? It's a tool to help you learn the virtue of patience.”

Damian traces a finger around it, then up the dark veins of his hardness, watching it twitch, head beading with pills of arousal.

“Take it off.”

Seems Tardif has an issue with being told when and how he can orgasm, but Damian won't be intimidated by his demands.

“I will, when you’re ready.”

The vampire holds nothing back as he pounds into him, a heated pace unlike the steady one he carried before, driving him to the brink only for his release to be denied by that damned cock ring.

Tardif endures this, thinking he can withstand it, but he wants to cum, he wants to come so badly, making his punishment worse.

“Damian, please … wot do I gotta say?”

“I want you to say how much you love me.”

The vampire hunter only hesitates a second before answering, having admitted as much to himself not so long ago.

“I love ye.”

Damian stills but a moment, never thinking the stubborn warrior would say it, but now that he had, the flagellant rewards his obedience, shoving in, hard and deep, blood magic changing the dynamic of his erection, making it longer, ribbed and studded.

“Say that I am the only one.”

He tugs at Damian’s shirt sleeves, sensation overwhelming him, his lover hitting that spot over and over again without mercy.

“Yer … the only one.”

Tardif gasps, the feeling so akin to release and yet it's stifled, only a tease of what he’s been begging for.

“You're mine.”

“I am – ah fuck– I am y-yers.”

Damian chuckles, his huntsman mistaking his possessive dulcet as a wish that needed to be granted, pushing for one final vow.

“Tell me I won. That I am right.”

Adorable how his human struggles to fulfill this demand out of all the rest, taking the context too seriously.

“Right ‘bout wot?”

“About you being my pet of course.”

Another short contemplation, the warrior about to break from the strain on his body.

“If I do, ye'll take this offa me?”

“If you say it sweetly enough,” Damian promises, dripping with anticipation.

Tardif yanks at him by the collar, pulling him close, the only two souls that can bear witness to what he's about to say, speaking it against his lips.

“Yes, master, I am yer pet.”

Oh, like music to his ears, the most beautiful sonata to ever exist, rewarding his obedient human with kisses, thrusting in with as much strength as he can muster, showing him how much he truly enjoyed it.

Tardif is whining, shuddering, gripping, biting, whatever he can to hold on when Damian breaks the snare holding his release at bay, the brute exploding the moment he does, cum spilling from him in a never ending parade of white.

Every time he delves past the swathe of thick thighs, more ivory pearls join the sea of others like it, Tardif’s voice unrestrained, calling out to him, sweaty, lewd delicacies he savors and it's between all those lewd grunts and groans that Damian finds his own release.

Their breaths are haggard, bodies shuddering, at their limit, when they finally allow each other to rest.

“I may have been too rough with you,” Damian frets, red eyes assessing his lover’s wounds, a hand holding his face, lips close.

“It's only blood,” Tardif shrugs, more than content with how things turned out.

“We're both bleeding,” the vampire chuckles, abound with scratch marks from his precious human, souvenirs left by throws of passion.

“Heh,” the human smirks, meeting his gaze, foreheads pressed together, “we'll call it a draw.”

[sillygoofyqueer]

The Untamed review: Episode Five!!!!!

long intro les gooo

Why do father and father have to fight??

Hahaha, he smiles so cheekily whenever he sees Wangji

He dusted off his sleeve for him, 100% boyfriend material

"let me tell you something, I heard something-" *gets fucking snatched by his boyfriend*

off to the library pavilion I guess

So peaceful, just wait

Haha, look at how Wei Wuxian is sat

(Three minutes in and I'm distracted by ice cream)

Wei Wuxian just looks tired and bored hahs

What is this man doing, his back must be in so much pain

The little sigh and the head in his handdddd, he's just as in love, neither of them even realise

Wei Wuxian, what are you planning

You're just complimenting him now

HAHA THE FULL ON GLARE

"you can call me the same!!!" Oh, Lan Wangji wants to

He doesn't hate you, he's just gay and can't admit it

You're so pathetic, Wuxian, I love it

You sneaky little bastard

Don't place the blame on him, you gremlin

FUCK, MORE WRITING

He's so sincere leave him slone

He'd love to see you kneel WHO SAID THAT. WHO THE HELL SAID THAT?!?

His silly little giggle, and then the crying of not being able to speak

WEN NING MY SON.

WEN QING MY DAUGHTER.

BOTH WENS I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH. SHE HAS SO MUCH PRESSURE ON HER.

They're such good siblings

Wen Ning, you little guy 😔 WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?!?!!

Let them just be happy, they deserve it

Bro's reading while Wuxian is giggling and having the time of his life. Don't think I'd didn't see that little glance, Wangji, hehehe

THE SMILE AAAUUUGHHH

He drew something for you, LOOK AT IT

The little glance in his direction!!!

Sobbing, they're in love, they're in love.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THEY KEPT IT IN

Lan Wangji looks ready to pop a blood vessel

"outside, then we'll duel" "Haha! No."

He's so fucking dramatic, I love him so

EXCUSE MEEEE???? DID YOU JUST..... CURSE????

He is literally just about to go feral. Boutta cry.

Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian are such besties.

Jiang Cheng is such a brother

Hahahaha, "did you say my name" "I ain't no snitch"

Jiang Cheng does not want to be involved

EYO SMOKE????

Nie Huaisang is sooo knowledgeable

Bro's flicking his nose to get thoughts

Nahhh, Wangji is so ready to pop a vessel. And Xichen's grin at his name hahaha.

Just you wait buddy boy. Just you wait.

SU SHE CAN SUCK MY DIIIICK. He's fine for now though.

Oooooh, Caiyi town!!!

You ain't ready for that level of responsibility, Su She

They're soooo serious

You're not my jiejie????

Jiang Cheng grinning when Wen Qing notices him hehehe

"I'm here too 🥺"

YANLI ARE YOU OKAY??? ARE YOU GOING TO BE A HOMOSEXUAL WITH WEN QING

That's right, they're a family too

Wen Qing is getting both the Jiangs my god

Hehehehehe, you're sneaks

WEN QING IS WITH THEM!!!!!

Lan Wangji, you want him there

Lan Xichen is literally setting them up

THAT'S RIGHT, WEI WUXIAN, STAND UP FOR QING!!!!

WEI WUXIAN, YOU ARE LITERALLY THE BEST. YOU ARE LITERALLY COLLECTING PEOPLE AT THIS POINT HAHAHA

Lan Xichen, you sweetheart

"why'd you let him come? 😔" "You looked like you wanted him to come" XICHEN YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF OUR SHIP, GUARD IT WELL

"don't you want them to come?" Literal silence from Wangji

Wuxian and Wangji hahaha

Don't be mean to hiiimmmmm, he's giving you lore

"Eating humans??? Not my water spirits"

The ships sinking??? BLACK WATER SINKING SHIPS??? False alarm, wrong show 😔

The way he rushes over to chat to Lan Wangji

"you're so boring 😔😔😔😔" he's like a stroppy child. I'd sleep

IT'S BEHIND YOU, oh, he's gone

Bro is literally drinking on a case, he has no chill

Wen Qing, you're so suspicious right now

Jiang Cheng, in kind terms, is telling Wuxian to shut up

Bro, stop offering him alcohol

Now Lan Xichen is acting suspicious and even Lan Wangji picked up on it

HAHAAHAHAHA WANGJI WHAT THE FUCK HAHAHAHAHAAAA

I'd be so pissed if someone did that with my alcohol.

Bit misty, innit?

Y'all are the scariest things in the mist

Wei Wuxian, you mustn't look so eager around Wangji, it's not a good look on you

The Wens just chilling in a boat together

Wuxian, my lord!!! You saved him!!

Show offffff

He looks so proud of himself, and he immediately doesn't want to upset Wangji

SHOULDER BUMP, THAT'S FUCKING ADORABLE

Stop it with your lack of gayness, it's not fooling anyone

Ewwwww, what the fuck is that seaweed

Kill it with fire

"what's the name of the sword?" "Whatever" I love that you're trying, Wangji

HE JUST EXPLAINED IT, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT

The fog thickens

Wen Ning you're so pretty

Fucking seaweed AGAIN

JIANG CHENG WAS HURT 😔

Wen Qing so willing to help. Awwwwwwhhh.

I understand why people ship them now, it made no sense from the book perspective

Wen Qing you're so pretty

I love how Wen Ning immediately pulled his sword out

"what's good, y'all?"

EW, SEAWEED

Shit, the seaweed is smart

They're all on high alert now

I didn't even know that water ghosts did that

HAHA, THERE GOES YOUR SWORD

Someone help Su She, he's hopeless

WEN NING WHY ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED LMAO

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH WEN NING YALL????

Woah, Wangji so smart and strong ☺️🤭

"just hold my hand" "nuh uh" they're gay

Xichen, you're the baddest bitch around

What's wrong with my son??? Is Wen Ning okay???

He's just checking up on him

Awwwww, Wuxian, you're sooo sweet

He's such a lil guy, he's so helpful

What's wrong with my baby???

Awwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhh, I'm sobbing, bonding moment

Jiang Cheng aw, what you looking for...ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT QING??? YOU SLY DOG

Wei Wuxian snacking hehehe

Wen Ning is such a little guy, look at him pointing

Wangji said that Wuxian had a point to Xichen, he's such a little simp

Nice catch, such a waste though

JIANG CHENG'S LITTLE SMILE!!!!!!

DID WANGJI JUST BUY ALCOHOL, OR WAS IT WANGJI?????

[sherwoodknights]

SP 1999 EPISODE 1 LIVEBLOG

Opening titles slap pretty hard

Starting with a flashback, nice

IS THAT MARGUERITE AND ARMAND'S PARENTS? DID THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO MAKE ST CYR EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE? WHAT THE FUCKKKK

"Learn from this!" Sir this is going to bite you so hard in the ass its unreal, and you deserve it

Why are they putting down newspaper lmao

Oh that's why okay

Is he a league member that theyve captured? Are the French actually semi-competent in this adaptation?

YOU DO NOT IMPLY THAT CHAUVELIN HAS BEEN RIPPING OFF TOENAILS AND THEN CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

HERE COME THE LEAGUE LETS GOOOO

*does a gay little run that pisses you off*

Emilia fox will you marry me

OH MY GOD IT WAS ARMAND DOING THE GAY LITTLE RUN, BBC ARE FUELING MY GAY LITTLE ARMAND THOUGHTS

Excuse me bbc it has been almost 10 minutes and I have seen no Marguerite at all, you are depriving me of my wife

FUCKING HELL THATS FULL ON TORTURE THIS IS DARK

Richard E Grant you smooth mfer

They weren't joking that man really has no toenails left jesus

Forget my earlier comment, the French are still incompetent I guess

Oooooo chavvy wants to go to englandddd

Does this mean we get Marguerite soon? Please say we do

NOOOOOO DONT ARREST ARMAND LEAVE MY SON ALONE

DAMN ARMANDS GOT BITCHES

At least they're letting him get dressed before they arrest him

Awwwww he saved her, that's my boy

GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT LITERAL CHILD YOU GROWN ASS SOLDIER FFS

Mr No Toenails is so gonna die

"Don't trust her" STOP BEING SO FUCKING OMINOUS BEFORE YOU DIE

MARGUERITE!!!!!!!!! Ough she's so gorgeous I want to dieeeeee

Oh fuck he totally took the guys words as "Don't trust Marguerite" goddammit

OH YEAH PERCY HOW DARE YOUR WIFE WHO YOU MARRIED WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU WHAT A TERRIBLE INSULT

Suzanne and Andrew <333333333

Percy Blakeney making sex jokes is something I never knew I needed

Marguerite St Just I would die for you

The only version of the pimpernel poem that rivals the musical in campiness

Chauvelin has no rizz, no matter how hard he may try

NOT PERCY SPILLING WINE ON CHAUVVYS CRAVAT

Percy basically just said "the cravat is the powerhouse of the cell"

Man's just wrote a dissertation on cravats

Ooooooooo the Prince is sassy

WHO JUST SLAPPED MY WIFE WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL

ANGELE ST CYR? OH FUCK THE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIGHTINGGGGG

Not this guy challenging percy to a duel while his voice sounds halfway to cracking through the whole speech

I could watch Richard E Grant's Percy all day oh my god

The guy they're about to guillotine looks like a sad puppy

Sleebpy Marguerite

They are literally so close to actual communication and talking through their issues that it HURTS, STOP BEING IDIOTS AND GET OVER YOURSELVES SO YOU CAN STOP BEING MISERABLEEEEEEEE

Ah here comes the Armand blackmail

Oooooo they're letting the marriage issues out at parties

HERE COME THE CHAMBERTIN JOKES

They're being so mean to him and its amazing

HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE HER TELL PERCY ABOUT ARMAND AS PERCY AND NOT THE PIMPERNEL! GO BBC YOU DO THAT FUNKY FAITHFUL ADAPTATION STUFF WE LOVE TO SEE IT

ST JUST BACKSTORY HAND IT OVER I CRAVE ITTTTTTT

PERCY YOU FUCKING LOSER HELP YOUR WIFE UGH YOURE SO MEAN TO HER

(I know he's going to do something but still I wish he could just tell her)

You go babygirl rip that letter from your husband up

Chauvvy with the hair down and morning hair <3

Get Chambertin's ass, Margot

MARGUERITE NO DONT TELL HIM THE HIDING PLACEEEE

Is she figuring it out? Did the injury give Percy away to her omg

SHES GOING TO THE STUDY BOYS SHES GONNA FIGURE HIM OUT

SECRET PIMPERNEL COMPARTMENT LETS GOOO

And that's where the episode ends!

So far I'm loving the show, following the book pretty comprehensively, and has managed to get plenty of the plot into a single episode, can't wait to see more

[candied-cae]

"Izzy's appearances in 2x03 with Stede were some of the only times I could stand him." - Allow me to further explain

I want to preface this with "I know." I know I was not an Izzy Enjoyer during Season 1 and I know I wasn't really looking forward to a redemption arc for his character because I was worried it wouldn't be taken seriously enough, since this show is a comedy. And, so far, I feel like I was right. His forgiveness feels rushed to me, and Stede's adverse reactions to him are the only times where it felt like this was in fact Izzy Hands from season 1 and not a guy with the same name and face but with a clean record and softer disposition.

The instances where Stede is put in Izzy's proximity are the only ones that really make sense coming out of Season 1. As far as we see, a few months has passed and pretty much everyone on The Revenge has forgiven Izzy for the simple reason that they can tell Ed is taking a little extra of his anger out on him. We see no apologies made, we see no kind gestures, we see no really complex stuff about him realizing he fucked up.

They skip right to his breaking down and the rest of the crew picking up the pieces behind Ed's back, even though for most of them Izzy was their torturer at least twice before all on his own.

So it felt weird and jarring that he seemed completely washed free of his "sins" of the last season, especially since it happened right there in the first episode. I wish the production team put more time in making Izzy "earn" the kindness the crew affords him, but I digress. The interactions Stede has with Izzy feel the most right (to me) and I adore how much character work we can pull from them.

(In agonizing detail by going over every word of dialogue and expression exchanged between them, you've been warned.)

The first time they address each other, goes as follows:

"Bonnet. Good to see you." "Piss off, Izzy. I don't wanna hear from you."

With Izzy approaching Stede without reason and speaking first. He limps on over and opens up with something polite almost. But when it comes from Izzy Hands - the man who personally insulted Stede, insulted all his favorite activities, insulted his crew, challenge him to duel and skewered him through the side, went on to call on Calico Jack and the Royal English Navy to take down The Revenge, who stole his crew and ship after he'd been arrested, and Stede's clearly got suspicions that Ed's behavior was influenced by him - that greeting is a slap in the face.

It's that kind of fake sweet pretend-we're-friends-for-the-sake-of-social-graces thing that Stede left behind on the mainland.

So he just tells him to leave. That he doesn't care what he has to say if it isn't information, and even if it was, Stede doesn't trust what Izzy shares.

And Izzy's a little caught off guard by that reaction. We see him sort of sway and look to the side. He looks rejected, which he is. And it's the first time all season that someone hasn't really let him have a fresh start (except for Ed). It's the first time anyone's tried to hold him accountable for the litany of things he'd done to the crew in the last season. Events that seem to have taken place only weeks/months before.

The second time Izzy speaks up, he does so to tease:

"What about my painting? Why was it all stabbed up?" "That was me." *sighs*

Izzy puts on a smile and leans his head back a bit. He's try to act proud and sort of snarky, since Stede isn't playing with him like they did previously. So, he tried to goad him into saying something. Into getting snippy or bitchy in return. He's trying to push Stede into giving him something to work with.

Because if people talk to him, and they play his games, and they soften up, that's how (it seems) he's been able to win them over and get into folk's good graces.

But Stede doesn't give. He doesn't want to play Izzy's mind games. He doesn't want to volley a few insults back in forth until it's fun. He doesn't want to give Izzy any of his time or attention or energy, because Izzy doesn't deserve any of it to him.

Stede walks away, and we see Izzy's expression freeze and fall. He's stuck and confused, because he thought that was a good move. He thought that one was going to get a reaction. And maybe that's how he's always gotten people to talk to him, by pushing them into a retaliation, but it doesn't work.

What's the quote? About how hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is? Stede is being indifferent to Izzy's presence, and that's doing more to Izzy's feelings than if he outright hated him.

The third time they interact, Izzy's followed Stede into the captain's quarters and jokes:

"Don't cry, Bonnet. We just redecorated." "I don't mind, actually. I think the knives really help bring the place together."

Again, he's tried to push Stede's buttons. Playing on already used jokes that Stede's too posh and soft to, say, appreciate something like a dozen knives thrown/stabbed into the walls and ceiling of his cabin.

He's teasing, on the edge of calling Stede a cry baby, either just to see if it'll work him up, or if that's the only way he knew how to start their discussion. But again, Stede isn't playing with him. He brushes past the implied insult and moves to something more like "I don't care" in response.

Instead, turning his attention back to the subject of Edward Teach. Because he knows the crew were all dodging the question and he knows Izzy would have to know what happened to Ed.

During that same conversation they pivot to more serious matters:

"What'd you do with him? I know he wouldn't have left by choice." "I know you think you understand him-" "He was either going to watch the world burn or die trying. So which was it?" "Alright, Bonnet. Have it your own way. He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin' leg 'cause I dared to mention your fuckin' name. He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one." "You sent him to doggy heaven." "No, I could never do that. We deserted him on a beach. Left nature to do the rest. More than he would've done for us. You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer any more for our mistakes." "Why would they suffer?" "If your captain senses mutiny, she'll kill us all. That's pirate code."

The most notable expressions during this conversation are Stede's who almost seems to wince when Izzy says Ed retaliated against him over mentioning Stede's name, his defeat when he believes Ed was killed in mutiny, and his concern about making sure his crew will be spared.

These are feelings that are barely about Izzy, and mostly about the fact that Stede is taking on a lot more blame than he's saying. He feels a lot of the responsibility for what's happened (further exemplified by him cracking to tell Zheng Yi Sao that he should've told Ed how he felt and avoided all of it). And this is the first time Izzy really gets anything out of him from all his poking and prodding he does in the episode.

And though Stede is convinced that Ed was simply marooned and it's its own kind of tragedy and means there was somewhere to go to try and get him back, Stede worries about saving his crew first. He pleads with Zheng Yi Sao and even wins her over until Auntie finds Ed's "body."

After that revelation, Izzy's in The Red Flag's brig and only says:

"Go on, Bonnet. Give me your worst."

And Stede says nothing. He looks at him. He hears what he has to say. But he doesn't do anything. Nothing except having to physically push himself off the bars to walk away.

And again, we can tell there's blame he's assigned to himself for it.

It's a little bit his fault that Ed's "dead." It's a little bit his fault the rest of his crew is going to be executed. It's a little bit his fault, and it's a little bit Izzy's. He knows so, because Izzy said it to him himself. "You and Me did this to him." And Izzy huffs, gives him permission to fly off the handle. To pour his rage and grief all over Izzy, to retaliate with words or with blades.

Izzy would take it. Whatever Stede was going to give him, he was going to take it. Just like he was trying to make him mad earlier, Izzy was still grappling for something. For acknowledgment. For something in his last moments before an entire career of piracy ended at The Pirate Queen's behest.

But Stede gives him nothing.

And that hurts worse. That brings tears to his eyes. That settles in the quiet idea of "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" that cuts so much deeper.

And the last time Izzy tries for anything, he tries being grateful:

"I just wanted to thank you for-"

But Stede still doesn't listen. Doesn't even let him finish thanking him.

Even though he went as far as to save Izzy's life along with the rest of the crew (he could've struck him down or declared he was unwelcome to join them back on The Revenge if he really wanted to), he still hadn't earned acknowledgment. Hadn't deserved pity or anything else. He doesn't even deserve to stand next to Stede and fluff his ego, as far as Stede seems concerned.

Stede hasn't forgiven Izzy. And maybe it's because he feels there's nothing to forgive, it's mostly Stede's own fault- maybe it's because he blames him too much and will never let it go- maybe he's too hurt to feel anything but tired and sad once the immediate danger has passed... Izzy doesn't know.

What he does know, is that he has tried everything to get reactions out of Stede. Everything except apologizing. So, I'm personally hoping for an apology in the upcoming episodes. For some vulnerability and truth and embarrassment. Because these are the beats of a redemption. These are the plot points of turning your life around, and people either don't believe it's genuine at first or don't care.

This is the "cost" of Izzy's actions in Season 1. And it's something they haven't given us from anyone else yet. I'd also really like Ed to make some kind of address of the fact ("You wanted Blackbeard as dark and demanding as he could possibly get, I gave that to you"). Because that's how a redemption arc works best. The guy who fucked up has to put in an effort expressly to be forgiven.

To me, it's not enough that his life sucked for a couple months and he didn't get exactly what he wanted (aka, he didn't realize he didn't actually want it like that) and he lost a leg. He's going to keep pirating on one foot, but to receive a position on The Revenge happily shared, there needs to be something more.

More OFMD

[ethtyn]

combination Etho & Martyn ll2 #8 reaction post:

Etho:

"i'm not in charge, i'm gonna be the first one out, here!" me fr.

MARTYN WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE. "TEAM TIME" THIS "TEAM SMITE" THAT IT COULDVE BEEN THAT FROM THE BEGINNING 😭😭😭

"we need the help, Tango, i hate to say it. and Martyn is good help." thesis statement 🫶🏻

"true that" LITERALLY WHERE is he coming up with this speech pattern. i have never heard him use as much slang as he has in this series in my life.

BDUBS NO.....IT WAS IMPULSE?! 💔

"Tango...this is MINECRAFT, why don't you have blocks?!" PLEASE.

LMAOOOOOOO HE'S MARY POPPINS, Y'ALL 💀

Tango noooooo PepeHands

Scar's out...there goes my hope that Etho got to kill him 😔

I KNOW WHAT THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD SPOILER MEANS NOW AND I'M CRYING PISSING BLOOD SLIDING DOWN THE WALL CHEWING GLASS. LMFAO.

"it's tough being alone...i'm not an entertaining person, and i have to be entertaining right now" don't you talk about my friend like that 😡😡😡

kfjdjcndk the little bitchfight between impulse and the mean gills over trying to kill each other. "yeah, that was me...okie! 😁 water under the bridge" impulse you're soooooo 💀

ETHO WHY DID YOU REMIND HIM ABOUT THE SWORD. i'm furious.

there goes BigB.

i am starting to realize that when one of y'all said "love loses" you mean Ethtyn. fuck.

FISH IN A BARREL. i just caught that.

Scott's disappointed little "Etho" gets me every time LMFAO. is this man ever surprised.

"i could just whack you off right now 😏" aYO

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOT 'ER

i'm gonna throw up. why. please.

GRIAN NO 😭 that little intake of breath right before he fell...i could cry.

I'M GONNA BE SICK I'M GONNA BE SICK. "that hurt, Martyn! apologise."

I'M GONNA THROW UPPPPPPPPPPPPP HE WAS SO CLOSE. also i was wildly distracted by the way you could hear him sit back in his chair and stretch kfdnkcmdmd

side note: i tracked down the counting clip and. uhm. 🥴 yeah.

i. need to gather some thoughts. reblog a few posts. watch martyn's episode so i can find out who won. i'm ill.

---

Martyn:

"keep your friends close and your enemies closer" type beat.

the callback to Southlanders with the "fun British game" 😭 i miss them 💔

still thinking about how Martyn made this Team TIME/SMITE decision all on his own without talking to Scott at all. like i know he's insanely loyal but. sir?

I'M FUCKING PISSING MYSELF over that Scar spleef kill. (in the most insincere voice possible) "woooow. thank you for the business!" CRYING.

thinking So Much about this little duel between BigB and Martyn as Martyn comes in to play the game. Martyn almost died, so did BigB. and then ceasefire and nskxnckdkcjkdmf my brainnnnnn.

"i'm here for games and pleasure" Scar.

HAHAHSHCNFKC LMFAOOOOO ETHO RLLY DID COME IN LIKE MARY POPPINS I'M CRYING.

fast forward to when MISE is boating off of skynet 2.0 - did not realise that Martyn asked Grian "yes or no" 😭 salt in the wound, bro.

fish in a fucking barrel fr.

ONE BLOCK 😭

jesus the way he IMMEDIATELY turns on impulse as soon as Pearl kills Etho. fanning myself.

NAUUUUUURRRRRR I COULDN'T TELL FROM ETHO'S POV BUT MARTYN REALLY DID GET THE LAST HIT ON HIM I'M.

oh god you can't see it from Martyn's POV but. "Scott, it's not fair!" i'm going to throw myself off of skynet 2.0.

what is this fucking three way death negotiation. i feel sick.

SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. WHAT. WHAT WHAJAMXNCKKCNDMF

um. that + the end animation. i am lying down and i need to lie down. FUCK.

[cleverclove]

thanks for posting about hamlet ur the only way i actually understand that blasted book for my english class 🫵🗿🫶

OH HOLY SHIT YOU’RE WELCOME…it’s super fun once you get into it :> but uh here’s an actual rundown if you need it :] (except it’s told in incomprehensible modern day language)

King of Denmark? Dead. He’s king of DEADMARK now hehe

His ghost comes back and haunts the fuck out of Hamlet’s homies

Hamlet’s homies, seeing as said ghost looks exactly like the dead king, decide to tell their emo homie, Hamlet

Hamlet has recently returned from a weeks-long voyage from college back home to Denmark to mourn his dad (F to pay respects)

This bitch is EMO AS HELL (i mean his dad DID just pass so….)

(Btw Denmark is at risk of war with Norway but oddly enough it’s not as big a plot point as you might think???)

Except OOPS! Apparently his mom married his uncle. Wtf mom???

Said uncle is kind of a dick and Hamlet basically sticks his middle finger up at him the whole entire play

Hamlet’s homies, led by his college fuckbuddy, Horatio, come over to tell him about this ghost

King of Deadmark tells him that that motherfucking (literally) uncle of his is behind it

Hamlet swears revenge but debates whether to believe this ghost or not (bc duh, it’s a ghost. Not exactly the most trustworthy source.)

Oh he also has this ex, Ophelia

She’s a cinnamon roll (and the only one in the play)

He’s mad bc she broke off their relationship (bc her father tells her she’s not his type…..royalty back then was only allowed to marry other royalty -_-)

So there’s this whole subplot about their breakup going about as well as you’d expect a Shakespearean tragedy to go

(Or: Hamlet commits borderline domestic abuse)

Yeah he’s kind of a shitty boyfriend (ex now)

Blah blah blah blah shenanigans happen

Hamlet intends to kill Claudius the Dickhead Uncle, who he believes is behind a tapestry in mom’s room

So after a fight with his mom he stabs the tapestry with a man behind it

Except OOPS it’s his ex’s dad

Anyway at this point Dickhead Uncle is like “okay you’re done” because damn this is a PR NIGHTMARE

So he sends Hamlet off to hang out in England for a bit

(And by hang I mean get hung. As in executed <3)

Along the way he gets kidnapped by pirates (?????)

Idk either

He sees the letter condemning him to death

He crosses his name out and puts his FRIENDS who he’s traveling with to death instead

Yeah he’s kind of a shitty friend too

Back to Denmark! Ophelia, obviously unable to live without a man (this IS Shakespeare after all), goes insane at the loss of her dad and bf

She ends up swimming with the fishes (bc she drowns herself. Pure innocent cinnamon roll too good for this world fr.)

Hamlet returns and FUCK.

His ex (who he’s still in love with) killed herself because of him D:

Her brother, obviously pretty distraught at losing his sister AND dad within the span of a few days because of Hamlet, is pretty pissed off at him understandably

He challenges Hamlet to a “friendly *wink* duel”

Clown on clown violence because the poisoned sword Laertes the brother uses hits both of them

Hamlet poisons the king after his mom accidentally drinks the poisoned wine that Claudius planned to give HAMLET to kill him

So yeah. Three people are dead now, and Hamlet isn’t gonna live much longer.

His fuckbuddy from earlier, Horatio, is absolutely DEVASTATED dude

Being the loyal bff he is, he tries to kill himself too to join Hamlet in death

(Kinda gay if you ask me but whatever)

Hamlet dies in Horatio’s arms

(Again, pretty gay but what do I know :P)

Horatio lives and vows to tells Hamlet’s story as the Norwegians storm the castle and take over Denmark.

[foxingpeculiar]

FF7 R&R: I have completed all world intel for and am about to depart Cosmo Canyon at (what I assume is) the end of Chapter 10 of Rebirth.

Hoo boy, this game just keeps on going, doesn't it? My hope was to finish it this "weekend" (Wed/Thu are my days off), but man, I dunno. I've got 65 hours in this thing already and, what, four more chapters to go? I'm guessing one more big region around Nibelheim (the moogle in CC said there was one more moogle store, so that would track) and then we enter a kind of endgame phase, but we'll see. But they're already talking about heading to Temple of the Ancients, and I imagine that whole bit will take a couple of chapters, so I'm still guessing this entry will end around where Disc 1 of the original did.

As a whole, so far, I'm enjoying myself overall, but I have 2 complaints that keep it from being a total 10/10:

1) The minigames are just getting out of hand at this point. The second and third chocobo flying courses took FOREVER to even clear just the basic rank (fuck trying to S-tier that, although I did do it on the first one cos I wanted the weapon for Yuffie). And then there's the whole battle robots thing, which is like basically Fort Condor, but a different shape and somehow more complicated (I don't really understand how the "programming" part works because I don't care at this point). I see what you're trying to do, but... damn, chill. How deep are we in this thing and you're still throwing new stuff at me? Focus on a few good ones. Like Queensblood. That rules.

2) The first few regions weren't that bad, but both Gongaga and Cosmo Canyon were a fucking NIGHTMARE to navigate in an "okay, I know where I have to go, but have no idea how to get there" kind of way. Like the sort of thing where I'm poking around for 20 minutes and getting irritated so I just look up a guide so I can finally check this box off my list and move on. I like the complexity of the level design, I think it's just some of the open-world tendencies fighting that. Either let me discover things, or give me tools to help me figure out how to access your data points without getting lost and pissed off about it. The game is long enough already.

Other than that, though, I'm still very much into it.

Okay, so the Gongaga sequence was fun. I like how we did a boys' trip/girls' trip split for the journey to the reactor. Scarlett remains an absolute bitch. (Please tell me they're gonna keep the slap fight between her and Tifa in part 3--I wanna see how they update that).

Tifa falling into the lifestream was an interesting moment that I'm 95% sure didn't happen in the original. But I like the follow through they do with that when she meets with the planetologists in Cosmo Canyon and has her little "sharing circle" moment about it. You can tell that experience changed something for her. Made the whole quest more personally spiritual. Like she's been witness to a lot of fucked up shit by this point in her life, but now there's some deeper connection to the bigger picture of it all. And even before Cosmo Canyon, you get a sense of her processing that in the scene she has with Cloud after she wakes up.

I'm also interested by the apparent dueling whispers that really kind of hit home in that bit--they're fighting within the soul of the planet. And Sephiroth seems to be associated with the black ones, which are the ones trying to maintain the original story track, it seems like. The lighter ones are the ones that saved Biggs and Zack in the alternate timeline, so what's the significance of that? CAN the story actually be changed, or are they just baiting me? I don't know. What's the significance of Aerith feeling Zack's hand in the water on the way to the Gi Village? What's the relationship between these timelines, exactly? Is one of them a dream? Which one? These are the questions I'm asking myself at this point.

We got a little more of Cissnei--the party found out she's basically still a Turk (which Cait/Reeve obviously already knew), but she's on our side. Chadley's apparent crush on her is kind of cute, also.

And then there's Cid. And I love the way he's characterized in the one encounter I've had with him so far. Seeing the Tiny Bronco gave me some feels, NGL. But like... are we gonna do Rocket Town? At first, I thought he was going to join the party right there and they were going to elide that bit, but that didn't happen, so we still might. (I'm curious to see how Shera is characterized, if we do.)

What's Hojo doing to Roche? Obviously something Jenova related, but like... that doesn't bode well.

I love Nanaki breaking into his real voice as soon as he sees people from home (and Tifa being weirded out by how old he actually is). Bugenhagen's lab was fucking sweet--I wanna hang out there. But also... okay, I'm gonna admit something here. I never realized he was riding around on a floating materia. I always thought he just had a big ass and no legs and could fly for no adequately explained reason. PS1 graphics, okay? So this version makes a lot more sense. And I like that he's initially so dismissive of the party (Tifa in particular) but then--without having to be confronted about it--comes around and admits he was wrong.

The River of Lights scene was sweet. Aerith's whole speech and everything.

Okay, so the Gi Cave was cool, but the expanded explanation of who the Gi are and what they want is fascinating. Gi Nattak talks! (Also, definitely tried the Phoenix Down trick on him and it didn't work--but the vending machine right before him gives you a discounted Phoenix Down, so they knew I was gonna try). But okay--their whole connection to the Black Materia I don't remember from the original (either it wasn't there, or wasn't explained very much, I don't think), but I buy it. It does raise the question for me, though, if they didn't come from the lifestream, where DID they come from? Are they alien, like Jenova? Interdimensional like Gilgamesh? What's the deal there?

Speaking of Gilgamesh... man, I'm really curious what that's building to. Cos it's a game-long arc, apparently. And it's just... odd.

I have lots of random notes, moments that stood out from this section, but I'm focusing more on the bigger picture here. But yeah, closing in on it--we'll see how far I get tomorrow.

Then it's time to dip back into Elden Ring and work my way toward the DLC (which I hear is absofuckinglutely brutal and I'm excited to be basically dominated by it).