#but like idk how the tumblr would like stuff like this :'>
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yapping about fics and commenting
sorry to yap but work is boring today and tumblr isn't blocked on my work computer LOL
ok it's abt that post where the writer friend stopped writing because they weren't getting the comments/kudos they wanted.
i'm like. an overeager fandom person. like i cannot get into a fandom without wanting to meet new people and make friends. i love yapping about whatever silly gay idiots i'm hyperfixating over. i'm all about community, and sharing the joy of fandom, and all that fun positive stuff.
i don't post my art for stats but like. that means nothing coming from me tbh. i get stats. i can't accurately predict what would happen if i stopped getting notes on my art, but i would probably keep drawing and keep posting, just maybe less confidently, and less often. i recognize that stats make it much easier and while itâs not my primary motivation, it definitely motivates me to keep posting.
and yet. for years, i never commented on fic. i think i left kudos? and i saw posts like this all the time about how writers were so sad they didn't get comments. and i would feel super guilty about it all the time. but i still wouldn't do it! it sounds stupid, but i would feel pressured. if i liked a fic a lot, it felt even more difficult to comment, because i thought i would have to somehow give back to the author everything that fic gave to me. i wanted to craft the perfect comment that could perfectly encapsulate everything a fic made me feel. and that was way too much pressure so i would just not say anything.
when i got into drarry, i started reading a shit ton of fic. and i still wouldn't comment. i left maybe... 2 or 3 comments, maybe, i think. i can't remember. but i had a lot to say and i WANTED the writers to hear that i had read it and liked it. i just... didn't comment! u know what i did instead? i just fucking straight up DM'd writers on discord and started gushing to them that i liked their fic. somehow i was confident enough to do that, but writing a comment still felt like too much pressure. ?? i don't understand it either, but in my head it felt like a writing assignment, but when I was in DMs it felt more like a conversation and so there wasn't any pressure to make it "good"? idk!! it's very weird.
then i wrote and posted my first complete fic. just a oneshot, nothing special, and i was like. UNREASONABLY nervous about posting it. like. i am a confident person, okay? i was going to make a burner AO3 account and post it under a different name so nobody would know it was me, and then never mention it to anyone except MAYBE super close friends. i got talked out of doing that (thanks i feel a bit silly about considering that now). and then i received my first comment on it, which was basically a two-liner where someone said they liked it and thanked me for writing it.
and i was like. ??...?????? ???????? ...??!!! because i felt like... uncontainable glee? i was freakishly happy. the amount of serotonin those two sentences gave me was definitely unnatural.
is that healthy? idk. will it continue? idk. LOL. i hope so? but idk, some people said it wears off if you write/post for a while. but whatever, the fact that one little comment like that could make my entire day blew my mind. tbh i thought writers were just exaggerating when they said stuff like that.
ever since then i started leaving comments! that shit's easy! like what was i overthinking for? i'm such a fucking tryhard! all i gotta say is that i liked it, and even the bare minimum can bring lots of joy to someone.
so basically what im trying to say is that negative reinforcement doesn't do shit!! it just makes people feel bad about themselves. that post is nasty for guilt-tripping readers like that, and i bet you it's going to have the opposite effect (or no effect tbh).
YAPPING FINISHED. for now.
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I wrote up a big ramble about the comments on fics thing then got halfway through and realized I am just very tired, to be honest. Itâs sad to see how people have divided themselves into creators and viewers, and even sadder that the environment for fandom and original works actively encourages this stratification. I will sayâviewers have gotten out of the habit of talking to writers and artists, but I know of quite a few writers and artists who actively encourage this divide by being aloof, dismissive and even outright rude (after remaking tumblr for the first time in 8? years, right off the bat I saw an artist literally mocking an anonâs headcanon, saying word for word âdo betterâ) or angry at people for taking their work and�� interpreting it.
like for me, I know Iâm not gonna get a lot of action on my fics cus a) itâs an original work with a ton of cliche elements like space elves and space pirates and just sounds fantastically cheesy and bad and b) itâs poorly disguised kink content and so people are Scared To Admit They Like Noncon And Torture. But I also welcome any interpretations that people have. Like bad ending/ grey x alaric endgame? Yeah man Iâll tell you how that would play out. Layne and grey? Sure man Iâm sorry I wonât have any content for you of that but please think about scenarios for that if you want! Wanna guess the plot? Iâd love to hear. Like idk I see artists and writers also getting like⌠âno this is MY story and MY ocs youâre not allowed to BREATHE near themâ and it just baffles me at how hostile people are. Like if youâre gonna share this shit on the internet with strangers then be prepared for people to bring their own spin to it. Youâre gonna get a âI just jacked off so much to thisâ comment every now and again, or a completely OOC headcanon or fan art that doesnât look like your OC and honestly I live for that because it lets me know that people like my work enough to live with it for a minute, and thatâs mind blowing to me. Iâm not at risk of bailing on my stories because I am borderline obsessive with the need to purge them from my brain, but I also write quicker when people have stuff to say, and I get new ideas or think about my own work differently depending on what people do say.
so I guess tldr (Iâm so tired so idek if that made sense), I think part of the issue is the unapproachable nature of creators. Ten years ago you knew a creator, even a big one, would talk to you if you talked to THEM, and you could count onâif nothing elseâto not be treated like shit for sharing your thoughts or art or whatever. But now itâs a gamble. Thatâs my two cents.
#My one line is minors talking to me#but otherwise genuinely I want to be approachable because I LIKE talking about the stuff I make and more than that I like knowing what othe#people think#some people with big egos are ruining it for everyone
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Fanfic writer interview
Was tagged by @brave-and-gentle!
How many works do you have on AO3?
10!
What's your total AO3 word count?
135,195! Around half of that is just one story, lol
What are your top 5 stories by kudos/likes?
I forget I'm so new to the AOT fandom, none of those fics are in the top five since I've had R&M stuff out for a few years now.
I Only Have Eyes for U137- Rick Sanchez x reader, part 1 of the U137 series, at 605 kudos, it was my first ever published fic on ao3, aaaa
Rickplicity-Multidimensional Rick Sanchezes x reader smut (wink wonk) at 385 kudos
Bunker Fuck-Seal Team Ricks x reader smut at 119
Lovegod - Rick Sanchez x reader, one of the sequels to the U137 series, 73 kudos
Welcome to Feeling-Rick Sanchez x reader, the other sequel to U137, at 52 kudos
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I always try my best to, yeah! I love reading comments and have gotten a lot of really touching ones on some of my more introspective fics. I love making friends and interacting with other users.
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
All of Lovegod is the angsty ending, honestly.
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
James Joint, it's a Nana Komatsu x Nana Oosaki smut that's kinda cheesy & fluffy because those two deserve it dammit.
Do you write crossovers?
I guess it depends on your definition of crossover. Right now my main wip is 2 Shingeki 2 Kyojin, my AOT x Fast and Furious inspired AU. I also have a secret special AU fic I'm posting for a writing event in January, that is AOT set in another fandom's setting as well. As for actual characters in fandom interacting with each other, no.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Kind of
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes. Typically male character x self insert female reader, some m/f/m, some multi male character x female character stuff iâve done has gotten semi popular, though I've recently tried writing yuri smut. I also want to try writing m/f/f reader and am planning f/f/f reader and other lesbian multi pairings.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No, I don't think so. I hope not!
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I don't think so
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Kind of! It's taken down for now, but me and my best friend were working for years on a Backstreet Boys self insert AU with some fantasy and science elements that we had started in middle school. We took it down because we're gonna rewrite and republish it (since we just added onto it since middle school, like a demented layered dip of immature vocabulary) but with our original storyboard. He doesn't have a Tumblr but ily bestie
What's your all-time favorite ship?
Toughh call. I adore Eremika, Nanahachi is always amazing fave, but I think some that have stuck with me through the years are probably Elizabeth Bennet x Mr Darcy, and Bella Swan x Edward Cullen--very classic
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
OH God, hopefully none but there's a Jean Kirschtein x civilian female reader I started forever ever ago that I don't think I can finish. Maybe that'll change, but it doesn't seem to have any potential the way it is right now.
What are your writing strengths?
I honestly donât know. i know what i like to write, and what i can go on and on about, but idk whatâs good these days
What are your writing weaknesses?
I'm doing a Bertholdt Hoover x NB reader for a friend, and adjusting to the pacing of a slow burn was a challenge at first, as someone who irl and in fiction will jump to sex and drama, but I think I've got a hang of it now! Fight scenes will always be the death of me as well
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I think it can be tricky, since plot relevance is obviously important, but flow and realism can make or break it too. I kind of wish I could implement it in the right way, since I have a hc idea that would involve it, but it's just hard to do right and idk if I can tackle that at the moment.
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?
It could be fun to write some Twilight, since that was my first ever fandom, but idk what I'd write these days that I didn't already exhaust in my daydreams when I was 12â I could just be super indulgent and do it anyway. Also, Gregory House x reader... I need to ride that old man.
What's your favorite fic you've written?
2 Shingeki 2 Kyojin is my fucking baby. I adore it, I've never made a real AU like this before (at my grown age of 21, lmao) and I'm hyperfixating like crazy. If you like love triangles, street racing, partying, smut, Eren Yeager and Jean Kirstein, and more obscure AOT characters getting some screen time, check it out :)
I donât think I have many writer mutuals (pls show urselves!) so if ur reading this tag ur it đŤľđŤľđŤľ
Fanfic writer interview
Thank you @thelettersfromnoone for the tag!! đ
How many work do u have on AO3?
3, not your local AO3 girlie lmao
What's your total AO3 word count?
8 534
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes
I'll go with Tumblr ones, cause from my 3 AO3 works the biggest number I got is 31 lmao
Anyone but you (Legolas x f!reader)
Night watch (Legolas x Reader)
Well-deserved rest (Haldir x f!Reader)
One messy night (Boromir x f!Reader)
Transition (Haldir x f!Reader)
Honorable mention (since it's not fics but headcanons)
Green Council receiving a hot pic from you (HotD)
TLK men's reaction on being pet named
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I always try to respond to comments! These little things are brightening up my day, so I wanna let the people know that they are my heroes hahaha
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
I really think it's Transition. All in all it's a pretty dark story, a bit depressing I think (I had these intentions while writing at least).
Otherwise, I don't think I have angsty endings fics?
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
New family members for sure!! Was thinking hard what to choose, cause I think all of my happy ending fics are on the pretty same level on a happy scale, but I remember that I have this gen, non romantic baby and I love it so much â¤ď¸â𩹠There's a little TLK OMC for y'all
Do you write crossovers?
I wanted to say I've never done this BUT THEN!!! My Assassin's Creed (Ezio) x LOTR little headcanon!!! My beloved child!!
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
No, not that I remember getting any hate on my fics
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I do, tho not much and on rare occasions. I used to write a lot of smut when I was younger (a teen), then I stopped being comfortable with it for a wild few years (tho reading never made me uncomfortable lmao).
Now I started writing smut again, idk what kind? Don't really understand what does that mean lol F x M traditional sex? Pretty detailed? If so, then yes lmao
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I don't know đ Maybe, maybe not. I think rather not.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not to my knowledge, I don't think so.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
We tried with my friend a long long time ago. Didn't go well lmao It's hard and kinda stressing, cause you never know what the other person is gonna write (at least we had this SURPRISE system), so... You kinda have zero plot cause everything you want to write plot-wise can be ruined by the second person's plot lmao
What's your all-time favorite ship?
Athelnar?? Athelstan and Ragnar were my first ever OTP (quickly followed by Alfred and Uhtred). You could never beat that Athelnar shit out of my body lmao I've never written for them, but oh I do love them boys!
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
Now, that's the HARSH one lmao
I think I have at least 3 OC stories that I really wanna write (2 for TLK and one for LOTR), but I'm scared that I will never actually do it. I never was good with multi chaptered stories, and these are indeed not a one shots đĽ˛
What are your writing strengths?
Ugh... I don't know? I think I was pretty good with dialogues and descriptions of the surroundings to build the atmosphere. But... I guess it's not for me to decide but for the readers?
What are your writing weaknesses?
I rarely finish what I've started lmao I should write everything in one go or else I'll never finish it... Or will finish it in two months even if it's a 2k words one shot
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I love them! I've only done it with my LOTR fics (with Sindarin) but I really love it. But I really love it when the language is different from the language of the settings? Like, if the story is happening in England and everyone is English, but you have two characters who can speak idk Dutch, let them have a Dutch language in their dialogue. I had a rant post about it not that long ago actually lmao You have to think about your in-universe language
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?
Ahhh Bungou Stray Dogs! I love them, and I'd gladly try to write something for them. Not a character/character but reader my beloved.
And maybe Stephane Narcisse (reign) my beloved and a reader
What's your favorite fic you've written?
The blood on my hands (Eomer) and Peace (Finan) are definitely my fave ones I think. They are dark and both explore some trauma
No pressure tags: @whitedarkmoonflower @lord-aldhelm @holy3cake @gemini-mama @emilyhufflepufftlk @persephones-journey @solinarimoon @mrsalwayswrite @emmanuellececchi @bilbotargaryen @levithestripper @mrsarnasdelicious @paula-in-dreamland
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UH- UM- MY HAND SLIPPED-
Tw// suggestive material
#was reaallllyyy debating if i should post this one here#so im doing so when its hopefully quiet#its just a super quick 20 minute warm up doodle#but like idk how the tumblr would like stuff like this :'>#all my rise friends you didnt see this-#i have no shame-#HEHEHE ANYWAY I LOB THEM :D <3#tw // suggestive#?#just to be safe yk?#tryna think about others#HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY EVENING <3#MWAH!#tribbletalks#tribbleart#huskerdust#angel dust#husk#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin fanart
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ghanaian miku
#zeno's art#hatsune miku#vocaloid#vocal synths#ghana#theres a trend on twitter where you draw miku as from your country#and i dont think anyone's done ghana yet!!!#her outfit is inspired by fashion + fabrics that my mother would wear and also stuff i found on pinterest#ghana kind of has a gold fixation lol so theres lots of gold#and the drink she's holding is supermalt. idk if its actually ghanaian but i know that ghanaians love it#(its very yummy btw idk how to explain the taste cuz i havent had it in a while but you should drink it if you ever come across it)#ok tumblr gets this early#ill post at like 4pm for twitter
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smallidarity highschool au
came up with this au like actually 2 years ago where it's mainly empires 2 smallidarity centric, with Jimmy as a student council member and Joel as an honours student who doesn't like the way Jimmy runs things around the school.
As payback for the regulations Jimmy put up that Joel thought was stupid, Joel does these elaborate 'The Office' style pranks on Jimmy (specifically) while Jimmy retaliates by trying his best to dig up dirt on Joel. This banter goes on for a whileâ however Joel ends up doing the pranks less as a statement, and instead more just to see how Jimmy would react... with his comical, cartoony villain yells, and... weirdly cute face....? (YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI)
very very old au drawings below:
from July 2023
đđ joel does NOT look like a highschooler here đđđđ (i also wanted to draw angst in the first two ig idk a year later it's pretty cringe [i am still cringe]) (also partially inspired by when I read "Go for it, Nakamura!" and the mc reminded me of joel for no actual reason. or maybe i was just thinking about that manga while drawing smallidarity. idk)
from November 2022:
I think these doodles were genuinely the first instance of me converting from being against mcyt shipping to for shipping LMAOO
#smallidarity#my art#empiresshipping#finally writing out this au GOSH it's been in my head for so long#despite that I'm still not very sure about the au plot-wise ? đ#like idk if i want canary curse limited life angst or not#(eg. Grian is the occult club president and Grian warns Joel about Jimmy's forboding demise#or to keep this au romance drama? without any fantasy stuff yk?#this was my first time making an au idk how else it goes lmao đ#anyways hopefully day 2 of posting daily âď¸#smallidarity highschool au#<- I POSTED OTHER STUFF ON THIS AU BEFORE PLS CHECK IT OUT MAYBE#also btw this is separate from that highschool isekai harem anime posting i drew a few months ago#extra thoughts: 'solidarity' and 'smallishbeans' are nicknames they got for themselved#'Solidarity' (probably) comes from Jimmy's campaigning for Student Council President (which he's tried for and failed many times)#and 'Smallishbeans' comes from a running gag between Joel Lizzie and Oli from a bit he did when they where kids#where he would act like a 2010's millenial tumblr girl and call himself a 'smol bean'#smallidarity daily#day 2
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Small indie artists in need of support for moving out by September!
đ These lovely folks [@QuinsCurse (they/them) & @sswitchblade03 (xe/xem and he/him)] are part of a small queer-owned Youtube community I'm in. đ
đ If you could lend a helping hand by reblogging & queueing this post up until the start of September, I'd greatly appreciate it & I'm sure these fine folks would too! đ
â ď¸ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! â ď¸
"Hi everyone! Requests are officially closed as I am opening emergency commissions! Please consider supporting me as we are getting kicked out and have managed to find a place thatâs affordable but need to save up 5k by the end of the month! Anything helps! I also have a dontations page if you are willing to help do that! All the money received from commissions will be going to the deposit! https://ko-fi.com/quinscurse/commissions https://ko-fi.com/quinscurse/goal?g=32"
â ď¸ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! â ď¸
"https://ko-fi.com/sswitchblade03/commissions https://ko-fi.com/sswitchblade03/goal?g=0 EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS!! My roommate âŞ@QuinsCurseâŹand I are needing about $5000CAD for a down payment on a new place as we need to be out of our current place by September! Every bit counts! My goal is to be set to $3000CAD. I will draw anything (coloured and rendered) for $5 CAD each! If you are willing to give more it will be appreciated. Examples of my work below!"
â ď¸ Do not tag as d*nations or anything like that! â ď¸
#I tried to replicate the youtube posts to the best of my ability#text is in alt descriptions as well as the post itself because idk how to navigate tumblr in this way for these uses#couldn't get the images from yt itself without it messing up the formatting so hope this is good enough <3#I just went to one of the pages itself to find the closest possible images I could that looked like the ones on the original post#highlighted the links on the 2nd part though to make it easier to find the links in the post#the pronouns listed are accurate as of time of posting for those who see this post in the future; just so you're aware; go check if you wan#I have on idea what mutual aid tags are okay in our increasingly worsening internet of 2024 so I'm just gonna not tag it & queue a bunch#I just said I would post it; idk currency conversion or anything of that sort; this is my first time doing something like this so apologies#if it's not up to par with expectations#mine#op#indie artist#yknow what for the sake of not having people block my post tags; ill add a unique tag for this sort of thing#roses campaigns#FILTER THIS PREVIOUS TAG IF YOU FEEL IT NECESSARY; ill try to remember to use it when stuff like this comes up
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staff logging on to tumblr dot com today
#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site#changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too#this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus#if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear#if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine#the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money#someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont#tumblr staff#EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but#that doesnt stop the post from being stupid#the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase#if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything'#staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did#so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post#edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post#they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us#i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded#and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money#tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol#ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years#but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one
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Thoughts on Lycion's identity, species, gender. (CW: mentions of internalized transphobia)
as someone who is trans and has species dysphoria (and whose transness is intrinsically linked to species dysphoria, the human female form being too exaggeratedly human to feel comfortable in) it feels a bit odd when people exclusively discuss Lycion's body dysmorphia as exclusively a trans allegory (which is a perfectly reasonable read! but it can be more than that...) seemingly without much awareness that people who are like him, and especially trans people who are like him in a more literal sense exist... So I figure, as one of those people, I might give some observations on Lycion, along with some anecdotes of my own experience and how it parallels it, how his characterization reflects real-world struggles- both literally and as a trans narrative, and why I appreciate characters like him so much.
What is fascinating (but also so relatable!) to me, both when viewed in a literal sense and as a trans allegory, is that Lycion does not actually have a particular affinity to another species, but rather feels a visceral discomfort with his own elven body.
We even see in his raceswap portraits, Lycion is visibly happier as anything but an elf. Unlike Laios, who wants to become a monster, Lycion doesn't want to become anything in particular, he simply wants to stop being an elf.
Most depictions of transgender characters in media are focused on the idea of wanting to become something. Feeling in your heart you were always meant to be a boy or a girl or perhaps some secret third thing. Having a specific goal. What is less often depicted is the experience of I don't want to be what i was born as, I'd rather be anything else but this. anything is better than this. And, in both my struggles with gender and with my own humanity, this has been my experience!
Of course, there are a great many creatures I look at and think "I would be much happier if i were one of them", but those feelings are broader and less pressing than the overwhelming discomfort with my own body, and the desire to be less human. I aspired to masculinity and ultimately pursued transition not out of a particular affinity with any idea of maleness, but because masculine human features, to me, appear more animalistic, less of a strange naked thing that sticks out like a sore thumb in the grand scheme of things. And so too did Lycion pursue becoming a beastman, not because he felt a particular affinity with being a wolf, but because it would make him less of an elf.
And after pursuing it, even though he still has to spend much of his time as an elf, Lycion is far more comfortable, no longer nihilistic and self-destructive. He's confident, prideful even! He has a body that doesn't feel wrong, even if he can only wear it sometimes.
And, myself having been on HRT for nearly four years now, i have to say my experience has been much the same! Even though, of course, I'm still human, my dysphoria has essentially been eliminated, I feel comfortable in my body, and I genuinely like the way I look. I admire my reflection and find joy even in the changes that i was merely indifferent to the possibility of when beginning my treatment, and it even eased some issues completely unrelated to gender...!
Finally, Laios' dismissal of Lycion's identity here feels very reminiscent of people casting doubt on a trans (most often nonbinary) individual's identity due to transitioning for what they view as "the wrong reason", even at times arguing that only people who meet their personal standard for transness should be allowed access to transition. And like with Laios, who himself wishes to become a monster, these arguments are often coming from within, from others in the trans community.
Is someone who identifies as male because they don't want to be female less justified in their desire to pursue transition than someone who doesn't want to be female because they identify as male...? Should people be denied the right to feel comfortable in their own skin because they are seeking to escape something, rather than reaching for something specific...? Of course, you know what my answer is, but I digress.
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#lycion#cicada's analysis#also: my gf has expressed similar feelings about tobias from animorphs but i have not personally read it yet#but if you have and would like to share some insight on the similar themes going on i would love to hear it :)#a bit nervous posting this idk how receptive tumblr is to this stuff lol#sidenote: i am genderfluid#cicada's thoughts
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So we know that Wei Wuxian's treatment after his death was horrible. Even if nothing could impact him directly, there was still neverending slander, hatred, misinformation, theft...
But, for a while after he died, the sects did try to impact him directly â namely, frequently trying to resummon his soul. And today I'll explore the possible reasons for this, their likelihoods, and why I'm so, so thankful that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the summons. Because, spoiler alert (or, you know. maybe not)... none of them are good.
(Long meta ahead)
In my opinion, there are four likely motivations for this: confinement, coercion, torment, and potentially destruction.
Out of all of these, confinement is probably the most likely motivation, at least for most sects (Jins and Jiangs excluded, though it was likely what the Jin sect said their motivations were â but I'll get to them later). This one is the most simple â we know spirit-trapping pouches exist, and we know the sects also placed 120 stone beasts on the Burial Mounds to prevent Wei Wuxian's soul from escaping. Therefore, this seems to be the most likely motivation â and fortunately for Wei Wuxian, probably also the best case scenario, though it still certainly isn't a good one.
For the second, coercion â this is where the Jin sect come in (more specifically Jin Guangshan with the help of Jin Guangyao). Due to their wealth and resources, they're likely the sect who played the largest role in the soul-summoning rituals. We know what they're willing to do to try to gain power â keeping Wen Ning under the pretence he was burned to death and trying to control him with the nails, and working with and helping Xue Yang torture people to help him refine his demonic cultivation, in order to have the Yin hufu fixed. Along with working with many other cultivators, alongside Xue Yang â Jin Guangshan really, really wanted that seal.
And so, Jin GuangShan sought after all those who imitated Wei WuXian in cultivating the ghostly path and gathered them under his rule. He spent a great amount of money and resources and these people, ordering them to study and analyze the structure of the Tiger Seal in secrecy so that they could replicate and restore it. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR
(Note that working with these cultivators very likely happened after Wei Wuxian's soul had failed to be summoned, since this happens some time after Wei Wuxian's death, whereas the soul-summoning ceromonies presumably started happening very close to it.)
In the previous paragraph, he's also quoted as having 'lusted after' the Yin hufu, which we already knew but it's nice to have a direct quote as evidence.
Now, would Wei WuXian willingly work with the Jin sect in doing this? No. We know that, and, given Wei Wuxian's actions in his first life (refusing to hand over the Tally, not being afraid to stand up to the sects, etc), Iâm pretty sure Jin Guangshan knows that, too:
He beat around the bush a couple of times, using all his skills, yet Wei WuXian didnât give in no matter what, and it made him run into a bunch of obstacles. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR
So this could actually make things go two ways. One, I'm wrong and that wasn't actually part of the Jin sect's motivations, since they know they wouldn't be able to control him (and in that case, had they managed to summon him, I could imagine them putting him in a spirit-trapping pouch and doing something similar to what Jin Guangyao did to Nie Mingjue's head. Which, also, not good). Two, it was a part of their motivations, and they hoped to find a way around that. After all, there are other guidao users out there now, and Wei Wuxian would now be a gui*. Also, cultivators can obviously harm ghosts â see the very existence of Night Hunts, and I'd include Xue Yang's talisman-caused destruction of A-Qing as well (while he isn't a traditional cultivator, talismans can be used by everyone).
Now, would either of these methods actually work? I'm inclined to think not really (and I expand on the former method in a note below). Would that stop Jin Guangshan/Jin Guangyao/the cultivators they employ from trying? Especially considering Jin Guangshan's lust for power?
I'm inclined to think no, too.
For the third, look no further than Jiang Cheng's reputation of capturing and torturing demonic cultivators after Wei Wuxian's death, due to thinking they could be him. And this does happen â Jin Ling knows and talks about it, and there's not real motivation for him to negatively lie about someone he loves. Also, when they come across each other at Dafan Mountain, we're told this in Jiang Cheng's inner voice:
A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasnât. Zidian definitely wouldnât deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesnât mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. Itâs impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. Iâve done things like this in the past anyways. - MDZS Chapter 10, EXR translation
This mainly shows that he's tortured people before, rather than that he's tortured people because he thinks they're Wei Wuxian, but this reason is confirmed by Jin Ling in Chapter 24. Of course, the reason is also mentioned in this chapter, and there are other moments in the chapter that illustrate my point better**, but they come from second-hand sources which I know are easier to deny. Do take note of Jiang Cheng's expression both times he comes across 'Mo Xuanyu' (after he suspects he's Wei Wuxian) in Book One***, though:
After a moment, the corners of Jiang Chengâs lips pulled into a twisted smile. His left hand started to unconsciously stroke the ring [Zidian] again. He spoke softly, â⌠Well, well. So youâre back?â - Chapter 10, EXR Although his face had always been clouded, marked with arrogance and satire, it seemed as if every corner of it had come alive. It was difficult to determine whether it was vengeful wrath, fathomless hatred, or raving ecstasy. - Chapter 23, EXR
This does seem to line up with what people say his attitude to Wei Wuxian is â there doesn't seem to be any happiness at seeing him again at all. The only time a word that could suggest that ('ecstasy') is used, it's accompanied by 'raving', and considering the context and the other possibilities of his expression, it's... probably not due to happiness at being reunited.
So, considering 1) this, 2) his contribution to the Siege specifically intended to kill Wei Wuxian, and 3) that at the time of frequent soul-summoning Jiang Yanli's death would be even closer for him, I feel pretty confident in saying that yes, this is likely a motivation for the Jiang sect in trying to re-summon Wei Wuxian's soul after his death. And, as mentioned earlier, cultivators can harm ghosts (and we know Zidian is able to remove souls posessing a body from that body, and that Jiang Cheng used Zidian on 'Mo Xuanyu' in Chapter 10. If it wasn't able to restrain/harm ghosts, or other methods weren't able to, why would he risk Wei Wuxian's soul escaping?).
And finally, option four: destruction. We're heading into much more speculative territory here, so don't consider this on par with the first three. But consider this:
We know there are some spells, like Xue Yang's talisman used on A-Qing and the body-offering ritual, that can ruin the returning soulâs reincarnation cycle by destroying it. Therefore, soul destruction is possible.
The 'main'/supposed reason for summoning Wei Wuxian's soul back is to stop the "cultivation world, or even all of mortal land" from being "faced with the most insane damnation and revenge, sinking into nothing but chaos and despair" when Wei Wuxian inevitably returns. While, as mentioned above, I severely doubt this is the motivation for certain sects â and to me is likely a rumour which the Jins (again, especially Jin Guangsha) fanned the flames of to justify summoning Wei Wuxian back for their own purposes**** â there are other sects which would take it more seriously.
Although likely disrespectful, people already thought it served Wei Wuxian right to die without his body intact by the time of the second siege â something believed to negatively affect your reincarnation in your next life*****. This is only the logical next step, and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would believe that, again, it would serve Wei Wuxian right, or would at least lead to less harm of the world in the long run.
For these reasons, I could definitely see this as an option for some sects, especially the sects who consider themselves more 'righteous' (cough cough the Nies under Nie Mingjue cough cough). After all, evil is evil and good is good, and the evil deserve what's coming to them. And what better way to prevent that than from preventing his soul from returning at all? So for the Nie sect â and likely some of the smaller sects involved in the Siege, since among them, additudes probably vary â yes, I do think it could be a motivation.
Iâm not as sure about the Lans being willing to go this far, and thatâs largely for two reasons. One, Lan Wangjiâs presence and his relationship to Lan Xichen, who does (not always, but he does) let this affect how he treats Wei Wuxian. An example of this is that, when Wei Wuxian's return is made public, Lan Xichen does let him hide and shelter at the Cloud Recesses instead of trying to pursue him, likely majorly due to Lan Wangji. I'd argue that the aftermath of the Nightless City also acts as an example of this, although it definitely isn't perfect. But though he, Lan Qiren and the 33 elders do come to find Lan Wangji and do not let him continue to shelter Wei Wuxian (after they see Lan Wangji's feelings), Lan Xichen doesn't use this opportunity to kill/capture Wei Wuxian, despite Lan Wangji being in a worse condition due to having fought 33 elders, Wei Wuxian being catatonic, and Lan Qiren likely supporting this outcome (especially considering he was the one who led the Lan sect in the Siege â chapter 68, Wei Wuxian's POV). And he did let Lan Wangji take Wei Wuxian back to the Burial Mounds after:
After he went out of his way to send you back to Burial Mound and returned in such low spirits to receive his punishment, how long he kneeled before the Wall of Rules! - Chapter 99, EXR
Again, this was right after the Nightless City massacre â there isn't any goodwill towards Wei Wuxian at this point in time.
Of course, the Lan sect did participate in the siege after Lan Xichen knew of Lan Wangji's feelings towards Wei Wuxian, which Lan Xichen was no doubt a part of (although Lan Qiren lead the Lan sect in the siege, Lan XIchen had to have at least known/given his support, if not participated.) And it should be considered that Lan Xichen letting Wei Wuxian shelter at the Cloud Recesses was after Wei Wuxian had been back for a while, and had not caused the downfall of the Cultivation World, like many suspected he would after his death. And of course, as stated previously, his handling of the aftermath of Nightless City wasn't perfect either (though please note that his main motive here was to protect Lan Wangji from being potentially executed, rather than anything about Wei Wuxian himself). So caring about Lan Wangji doesn't mean he won't harm Wei Wuxian. But I do think he could find bringing Wei Wuxian's soul back to completely destroy it a bit excessive. There is, though, the chance that the elders of the Lan Sect would react to this differently, and of course they would have a sway on both Lan Xichen and the Lan sect as well.
The second reason is smaller, but there seems to be more focus in the Lan sect than in others when it comes to letting ghosts rest peacefully/helping them move on. And that could definitely lead to more resistance to the idea of summoning a soul back to destroy it as well, which could especially impact the elders. So I'd assume that the Lan sect would be the most likely sect to summon Wei Wuxian's soul back just for confinement, or just for some way of making sure any resentment is disippated, his spirit moves on, and he can't cause more harm to the world (eg via Inquiry)******. Not that he would or does as a ghost or as a reborn person, but that's unfortunately not relevant to this.
But yes, as a motivation for the Nie Mingjue-led Nie sect? Absolutely.
So, these are the main motives I suspect to be behind the attempted summoning of Wei Wuxian's soul after his death (and if I've missed any, please let me know â I'd love to have a discussion). And, of course, none of them lead to anywhere good. Because of course it wasnât enough to besiege Wei Wuxian, murder the 50 non-combatants he was responsible for (and throwing them into the blood pit as a mark of disrespect because why not?), and lead to his death via him getting torn apart. It wasnât enough to steal all his inventions, and use them commonly while still slandering him with no reprieve â or to steal his notes and give them to people like Xue Yang to study (Villainous Friends, again) and to use for their own, extremely extremely harmful, purposes. Of course, the cultivation world has to try to harm Wei Wuxian after death as well ((:
We don't know whether Wei Wuxian rejecting the summoning ceremonies was conscious or unconscious, but if it was the former, these are very likely reasons he refused to return in this way. If it was unconscious â for example, maybe during the frequent soul-summons his soul was in a weakened state due to him dying from a backlash of resentful energy and getting torn apart, and it healed over time but not before the soul-summoning rituals stopped â well, I can only be thankful.
Finally, let me leave you on the thought that â although it may well have happened since we don't spend much time in the immediate aftermath of the Sunshot campaign â there isn't even any textual mention of this happening to Wen Ruohan. Who, while not being a guidao user, was still very dangerous, still an extremely powerful cultivator, and still had a lot of reason to feel resentment. So.
:')
Thank you for reading!
--
*Considering what we see of how Wei Wuxian's guidao functions â redirecting the ghosts'/corpses' resentment into doing something they'd want to do, eg attacking people, and directing it towards a target â I'm not sure using it to force a spirit to do something 1) extremely specific, and 2) explicitly against their will would actually work. Iirc the closest thing we get to this in text is Wei Wuxian using the corpses of Wens to attack other Wens in the Sunshot Campaign, but he's still just directing their resentment to a target of his choice, and fierce corpses do tend to be on the less concious side of things (hence why Wei Wuxian had to awaken Wen Ning's consciousness). Considering how Wen Ning attacks Wei Wuxian and the Burial Mound Wens before his consciousness had fully awoken, I... really don't think those fierce corpses were able to differentiate (or didn't care).
Meanwhile, ghosts seem to be a bit more in control of themselves â see A-Qing, and Wei Wuxian's own descriptions of his ghost self.
That, alongside ghost!Wei Wuxian being able to resist his soul-summoning and the fact that pretty much all of the new guidao users are a lot weaker than he was, does make me think that this this wouldn't work. I do wonder about Xue Yang, since his methods are pretty different as well, but he's more of a modao user than a guidao user (he controls living corpses rather than dead people) and I don't think you can insert physical nails into ghosts?? Though if he was specifically instructed to figure out some way to control ghost!Wei Wuxian (who's probably kept in a spirit-trapping pouch in this scenario), he might be able to do something at least. Though also he was also struggling to piece Xiao Xingchen's ghost soul back together, so he may struggle with those areas?
Well, whatever the potential outcome, I'm so so happy once again that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the soul-summonings...
**Mainly this:
Everyone in the cultivation world knew that the young leader of the Jiang Clan watched out for Wei WuXian in an almost crazed manner. He would rather catch the wrong person than let go of any possibility, and took anyone who seemed like they held the soul of Wei WuXian away to the YunmengJiang Sect, inflicting severe torture on his victim. If he wanted to take someone back, the opposition would surely lose half of their life. - Chapter 10, EXR
But I have heard people say 'you can't prove that it's just more rumours' before, and I wanted my evidence to be as watertight as possible.
(And, off-topic... isn't it really sad how Jiang Cheng, in the present day, is described as young? Because, for a clan leader, he is. And another thing he is, is close in age to Wei Wuxian â who was killed 13 whole years prior :') )
***And do note that the only other time they run into each other before Wei Wuxian's identity is revealed to the world apart from this is their brief interaction at Jinlintai, where he can't just act however he wants. The next time they run into each other after it, Jiang Cheng is literally taking part in another siege against him, and still extremely hostile ("surrounded by hostile energy, face insidious, staring straight at him" â from EXR chapter 60). Then he loses his spiritual powers and can't do anything. By the time he regains his powers, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and the Wen remnants' corpses have saved everyone during the Second Siege, and though public opinion hasn't properly shifted quite yet, it will soon after Sisi and Bicao tell the story of Jin Guangyao, and voila, a new scapegoat (do note that he doesn't completely bar Wei Wuxian from entering Lotus Pier after the Second Siege, though). Plus, throughout it all, Lan Wangji is still constantly present, which makes it hard for Jiang Cheng to really do anything. And then he's finally faced with the Golden Core reveal, which does alter his motivations towards Wei Wuxian (obviously the resentment is still there â read chapter 102 â but it's also mixed with other complex emotions, and he seems to start being able to move away from that a little in Chapter 103). I still definitely wouldn't describe Jiang Cheng's attitude towards him as positive, but it isn't at the point it was at the start of the novel (eg Chapter 10).
But even if his attitude does change, or would for whatever other reason apart from the reveal, that still doesn't change an initial motivation so isn't relevant to this meta. We know his intentions at the start.
****It's also possible they may have originated it, but I think WWX's reputation was bad enough for it to form naturally. Though you can trace a major part of that back to them, too.
*****That belief isn't outright stated in MDZS, but the fact people are specifically talking about the status of WWX's body in the aftermath of his death suggests that this belief does have some grounding in the MDZS universe, at least? And we know MXTX has included it in TGCF (though that doesn't mean it's definitely in MDZS), so she has used it in her works. If this isn't the case in the MDZS universe I am sorry (although that could also mean there's less importance placed on not disturbing the reincarnation cycle in the world of MDZS...? Which would work towards my original argument) â I don't want to spread misinformation that something is definitely true, I just think there's evidence to suggest it is true, which isn't the same thing.
******Again, I think this would depend on who ends up having more influence over who in the Lan sect. After all, normal resentful spirits only do what they do because of their resentment in death, whereas Wei Wuxian is 'dangerous' because of who everyone thinks he was in life â so him being reborn naturally could also 'cause a lot of harm to the world' during the time period this version of him would live in, unlike the resentful ghosts they appease. This could definitely lead to many advocating for confinement, I think.
#writing this takes me back to my nie huaisang one#'detective metas' i'd call both of them#as opposed to analysis of characters or themes#it may be less 'meaningful' but it's still fun to explore and speculate within a world you love#...albeit maybe not for this one because. mdzs jianghu when i get my hands on you-#also i fully acknowledge i may be wrong#but again i'd love to have discussions about these! debates and knowledge exchange are what leads to better understanding of source materia#which is a major goal of mine in writing these#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs cultivation world#long post#mo dao zu shi#gdc#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#ééçĽĺ¸#mxtx#detective meta#<â if i ever make this a tag#also i feel like you could write a fic (angsty or not so angsty depending on where you go with it) where the lan sect somehow-#-summons ghost!wwx back (not sure how bc the jin and jiang sects would probably want 'custody' of him more - and i don't think summoning-#-rituals are done by just one sect at a time? but imagine it happens) and idk he's kept in a spirit-trapping pouch or sth#lwj probably isn't told bc of what happened after nightless city - elders can't really trust him in matters to do with wwx#but maybe lxc feels bad for him or sth (especially bc he's mourning him and stuff + what happened after he found out wwx was dead)#and tells him and maybe brings wwx's soul to him for a bit so wwx can respond to inquiry#and they talk and obv. wwx is NOT happy with the situation (both rn and yk bc of the VERY RECENT SIEGE)#but but but! the thing that would stop this being completely depressing is that LWJ HAS A-YUAN SO WWX FINDS OUT HE SURVIVED#also lwj's injuries would likely come up at SOME point which would lead to wwx finding out abt nightless city afermath#AA NOO THE TAGS WENT ON FOR SO MUCH LONGER BUT I GUESS TUMBLR DOESN'T ALLOW SO MANY i'll have to make another post...
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(context for watcher/listener!sausage can be found in the âvideosâ tag on my blog if you want it, but this ficlet can be read without said context)
- - -
âYâknow, of all the Hermits I was expecting to be pulling me into a dark corner tonight, I did not expect you to be first, Grian! I love the initiative!â
âIâm going to pretend I didnât hear that,â Grian says in a voice near a hiss. Heâs got Sausage by the wrist, leading him into a small area of the upper floor of the tavern in Sanctaury that does look like it was built for the exact purpose Sausage is implying. Grian decides to ignore that as well.
âWhat are you doing here?â Grianâs straight to the point. He always has to be, with these Things, if he doesnât want to get trapped in a loop of slant rhyming pleasantries.
âWhat do you mean?â Sausage asks, shaking his wrist out of Grianâs tight grip and leaning comfortably against the wall. âThis is where I live. Itâs my home. If anything, I should be asking you mysterious strangers what youâre doing here, but Iâm sure youâve heard that question enough for one day.â
âYou know exactly what I mean.â Grian crosses his arms and tries his best not to look petulant, but he sure feels like it. âI thought Theyâd given up on trying to snatch me back, so why would They send you of all people? Whatâs your game?â
Sausage laughs, honest to god laughs, like he canât believe Grianâs even asking him such a question. Grian thinks itâs a reasonable question, in this scenario, but what he thinks and whatâs reasonable rarely seems to matter with these things.
âThey didnât send me,â Sausage looks him up and down in that way that makes Grian have to physically stop himself from curling inwards. This is why he never talks to Them. âNobody sends me anywhere, they donât tell me what to do and I like it that way! I just do my own thing. Isnât that what youâre doing?â
âNo youâre not! Youâre not- you canât be! Thatâs not how this works!â Grian begins to notice that heâs no longer whisper-shouting and starting to just-normal-shout and takes a deep breath, trying not to draw the attention of his friends enjoying themselves on the floor below. And, realistically, in the other dark corners Sausage seems to have built into this place.
âThatâs exactly how this works. You didnât think you were the only person whoâd left, did you?â
Grian opens his mouth, closes it, and thinks. In hindsight⌠yeah, he had kind of assumed heâd been the only person whoâd left. Not for lack of trying, probably- but Theyâd tried for so long to get him back, kept him closely surveilled even when Theyâd accepted he was gone- surely some people had caved to that pressure eventually. When there was no sign Theyâd ever let up, ever let you go⌠he could understand eventually letting it overtake you.
âDid- did you leave, too?â Grian doesnât remember the last time he saw Sausageâs face. He didnât know him back then, of course. He probably wouldâve connected the man with the person Pearl so often spoke about sooner. But he knows itâs been a long time, maybe even longer than the last time Grian had gone There. He doesnât think Sausage had been There, that day. This might explain why.
âEh, not quite?â
âWhat-â Grian flails, both mentally and with his arms a bit. âWhat do you mean not quite?â
âExactly what I said! I was never- itâs complicated, yâknow?â
âExplain. Now.â
âWell, uh,â Sausage seems to flounder for the first time since this conversation started, which Grian is choosing to take as a victory. âLook, I wasnât- they didnât pick me. For this, or for anything, ever. Sometimes things just happen and you get yourself into a place you shouldnât have and then⌠they canât get rid of me, I canât get rid of them, it is what it is.â
Grian stares at him for a long moment. Really stares at him, in the same way Sausage had looked him over earlier, in the same way that makes you feel like youâre under a microscope. Judging by the sudden nerves in his eyes, Grian can assume he feels it too. Grian remembers his face. That had been the first thing heâd noticed, when the Hermits had arrived. It had been a long time since theyâd seen each other, but Grian knew his face. And now that Grian was studying him, really trying to remember⌠he���s not sure he quite likes what memories heâs dredging up.
âWhat are you?â
âGrian!â Sausageâs voice drips with mock offense as he puts his hand up to partially cover his mouth. âWe only just met, do you think thatâs polite?â
âAnswer the question,â Grian sighs. How Pearl deals with this man on the regular, he doesnât know.
âWell, if you insist.â Sausage sighs, somehow even more exaggerated than his previous movements. âItâs just⌠if youâll believe it, itâs somehow even harder to answer the first question.â
âIt shouldnât be,â Grian says. âTheyâre two very different People, you know.â
âBut theyâre the same species, when it all comes down to it. Like, you might be very different than a chicken, but youâre both birds in the long run.â
Grian pauses, fanning his wings out a bit behind him as he considers. âI donât think that metaphorâs quite landing the way you want it to.â
âNo, me neither. Anyways, let me continue.
When they donât pick you, things go a little differently! You donât get sorted onto one side or the other since, well, youâre not really supposed to be there? So Iâm⌠whatever I want to be, really. I think Iâm feeling like more of a Listener, today, but weâll see how the mood shifts.â
Grian flinches at the Name, on instinct. He doesnât know how to feel about that, so he files it away to be dealt with at a later date. As for the rest of what Sausage said-
âWhat?â
âYou heard me.â Sausage shrugs. Heâs so nonchalant, Grian thinks he might strangle him, if not for the worry that thatâs exactly what he wants out of this, somehow.
âDid I? Did I hear you?â Grian wants to pace, but that requires leaving the security of the corner, so he forces his feet to root themselves to the floor. âI thought- I thought you had to- if you wanted to change sides, I thought you had to-â
Grian closes one eye and takes his thumb to it, twisting the finger into his eyelid. The gesture seems to get the point across.
âWell, thatâs the funny thing about this, actually.â From the way heâs been talking, Grian assumed Sausage thought this whole thing was funny. He restrains himself from saying that out loud if only so Sausage will finish his explanation.
Sausage reaches up to his left eye, pulls his eye lid back a bit, and unceremoniously pops out his prosthetic eye.
âAll these processes and rituals actually have a lot of loopholes.â
Grian doesnât know what face heâs making, but itâs enough to make Sausage giggle while he pops the eye back in. Because of course he does. Because this how his day is going, apparently. Walk through a weird portal in his basement and wake up in a world filled with his friends who donât recognize him and also a guy he only ever saw There, who he was never supposed to see again. Sure. Of course heâs laughing about it. Grian thinks if he was a slightly different person, heâd be laughing too. It is, undeniably, absurd.
âWell, I think weâre done here then!â Grian would probably object if he werenât so shocked about the loopholes. As it is, he just stands there a bit stupidly.
Sausage turns away to return to the party before turn around again for just a moment, reaching over, and ruffling Grianâs hair. That shocks him enough to shake him out of his stupor and swat Sausageâs hand away, though not before his hair is suitably messed up.
âWhat was that for?!â
Sausage smiles as he reaches up to rough up his own hair as well. âI assumed you didnât want your friends asking questions about why you were dragging me into a dark corner, you know?â Sausage even goes far enough to pull his shirt a bit out of where itâs tucked into his pants, because of course he does. Grian tries not to cringe, but Sausage is right about this one thing. It is the easiest way to dodge any questions about where heâd gone off to- at the expense of the many knowing looks and teasing remarks heâll be getting from the other Hermits instead.
âHave a good night, Grian!â Sausage calls over his shoulder as he turns to leave for real this time. âAnd remember, drinks are on me for all you guests tonight! You look like you need it.â
#empires smp#hermitcraft#grian#mythicalsausage#hermitfic#empiresfic#long post#my writing#âŚ.do i need to tag shipping on this#theyâre not actually DOING anything. and i would say iâm not really going much further than sausage usually does#but like. idk man. if i wake up in the morning and decide i need to tag shipping i will#anyways. fics for an audience of like two people total#but thatâs ok cause i like this SO MUCH#the first few sentences have been rotting in my tumblr drafts for like at least two months#and i finally kicked myself into gear to just finish it#and i had fun! i liked the way i used capitalization here to really wedge the difference between how these two think of the watchers#(and listeners)#grian doesnât necessarily respect them but he does still see them as Other. and heâs maybe a little afraid#so all the important stuff gets capitalized#sausage doesnât. he doesnât respect them and he doesnât fear them and theyâre just a weird bureaucracy to him#so no capitalization!#also ten seconds after posting this i got a post on my dash#of sausage posting a screenshot of eâs tumblr post about him checking tumblr in their twitter replies#terrifying. hey king if you see this keep the bit up. i think itâs funny#my art
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We really need a newsies fandom group chat.
#I know discord is popular for that stuff#But I donât have it#And I need parental requests to get apps#So thatâs not an option for me#Can you make a tumblr group chat?#Idk#I just make the idea someone else can figure out how to do it#But like imagine how awesome that would be#Let me know if this is something we should do or just one of my silly ideas
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i havenât been here much recently, and iâm sorry iâve only been negative on the off chance iâve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be betterâŚ.
#or âmaybe my time here ends w this monthâŚiâm not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely⌠a type of loneliness iâve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#iâm always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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Thinking about Wendy's first weeks in the Constant and the confusion she must've felt when she realized her tormentor looked identical to her father. I'll never buy into the idea that Maxwell and Wendy didn't recognize each other (well its possible Maxwell didn't realize it at first...but Wendy would've known almost immediately), and now I just wonder if Wendy realized it was her uncle, or if she spent an uncomfortable amount of time believing it was her father who betrayed her, who brought her into this world to suffer.
I think about Jack and Wendy a lot. About Wendy isolating herself from the world, confusing dreams for reality, obsessing over her grief until it killed her, until she ceased being Wendy and became Abigail's shadow. And I think about Jack, losing one of his daughters only for the other to reject him at every turn... watching her become a shell of her former self, and nothing he could do about it.
I think about their house. About the empty bed, the empty chair in the dining room, the untouched toys and clothes gathering dust in their boxes. I think about the silence. And it kills me.
How did Jack cope with his grief? Did he try to erase every trace of Abby's existence, pretend it never happened, and get angry at Wendy for bringing her up? Did he fall apart just as terribly, did they enable each other ? Did he shut down emotionally, stand stoic and solid, even as Wendy crumbled, refusing to share any tears, anger or comfort?
And did Wendy despise him for it? Did she lash out at him, blame him, wish he had died instead? Or did he simply disappear from her mind entirely, kicked out to make more room for Abigail...one night, after crying all the tears she could possibly shed, her eyes glazed over, incapable of seeing anything beyond her grief and sadness.
Im sure we'll know someday but until then....I can only wonder....
#dst wendy#sneed talks#should i make a tag for like. dst rambles specifically. im always shy about posting these but idk so much on my mind#dst rambles#ok im making it. dunno if ill put it to use. meep.#should i also tag maxy...feels like id be spamming#that's another thing i dont wanna flood main fandom tags with âlow effortâ stuff#meep. I think i just think too much about these things#tumblr culture/etiquette is still unknown to me#but YEAH that shit aside. erm. the carters.......omg they break me#how fucked up would that be for Wendy lol#âohhh ok so you said youd bring my sister back but now im stuck w her ghost as an eternal reminder of my grief.â#âand also im being violently killed by monsters left and rightâ#âand also ur like. dad. Ok. wow thats how it isâ
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WHERES UR HEAD AT- AT- AT- AT?
WHERES UR HEAD AT?
WHERES UR HEAD AT?
FiNALLY MORE ART⌠Srry Iâve been gone for a while!!!!!! I⌠have just.. been super busy. And Iâm still busy lol. I got a lot goin on!!!! But⌠ButâŚ!!! I managed to finish some art today!!! Thank god lol- so yeah! Behold this funky nurse creature..! she will be committing medical malpractice on u..!!! And that is a promise!! Or ur money back guaranteed!
#original#original art#artists on tumblr#nurse#demon#doodles#itâs the holidays dudesâŚ. shit is fucking busyâŚ..#but yeah⌠here is nurse tho⌠I hope u enjoy herâŚ#I enjoyed drawing her!!! I tried to mess around w a lot of diff stuff!#like⌠I tried to not stress so much about.. making a polished end product.. and to instead just. draw⌠in a way I thought would be fun#and interesting! and it was!!#which was nice!#and also I think the end product turned out good too which is nICE BUT#I was trying not to worry about that while I was drawing lol.#I think.. she has soup for brains⌠but boy does she kno how to work a hacksawâŚ!#like. her brain is only made for surgery⌠almost scarily competent and cracking somebody open and messin around in there!#the scarily is cuz⌠u have to be awake lol⌠and also u donât need surgery⌠she just wants to give it to u⌠so! ur getting surgery lol#but her brain has no cells or time or care for anything outside the operating roomâŚ#IDK IF ILL EVER DRAW THIS NURSE AGAIN SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A NAME#but there are those thoughts I had about her!#blood#knives#the scarily is also cuz. who KNOS what sheâs doin in there!!! u certainly donât!! other medical professionals dont! theyâd be appalled!#straight up horrified! but! she knowsâŚ. she knows what sheâs doin. thatâs what matters in the end lol#also she def isnât giving u any anesthesia lol sheâs goin in raw#anyway yeah!!! sheâs cute I like her!!!
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i think i need/want to unfollow a lot of mash blogs cos that's all my dash is showing nowadays and i want to see other stuff! and it's kinda pointless anyway because more often than not i go directly to blogs/go to the tags. there's loads of people i don't follow that i look in on when i get a chance! but people take being actual mutuals so seriously and idk. i feel bad. lmao
#once again i am begging tumblr to allow you to mute users#alternatively to split your dashes for sideblogs#but alas.#idk i follow too many people its stressing me out.#idk how do i let people know i still consider them mutuals in my heart without having to be mutuals anymore#'hey you are disproportionately represented on my dash and i would like to see other people on there but i still really like you'?????#helen speaks#idk. i dont normally stress over this stuff but im not myself atm
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