#should i make a tag for like. dst rambles specifically. im always shy about posting these but idk so much on my mind

[ifchuckthenonlysneed]

Thinking about Wendy's first weeks in the Constant and the confusion she must've felt when she realized her tormentor looked identical to her father. I'll never buy into the idea that Maxwell and Wendy didn't recognize each other (well its possible Maxwell didn't realize it at first...but Wendy would've known almost immediately), and now I just wonder if Wendy realized it was her uncle, or if she spent an uncomfortable amount of time believing it was her father who betrayed her, who brought her into this world to suffer.

I think about Jack and Wendy a lot. About Wendy isolating herself from the world, confusing dreams for reality, obsessing over her grief until it killed her, until she ceased being Wendy and became Abigail's shadow. And I think about Jack, losing one of his daughters only for the other to reject him at every turn... watching her become a shell of her former self, and nothing he could do about it.

I think about their house. About the empty bed, the empty chair in the dining room, the untouched toys and clothes gathering dust in their boxes. I think about the silence. And it kills me.

How did Jack cope with his grief? Did he try to erase every trace of Abby's existence, pretend it never happened, and get angry at Wendy for bringing her up? Did he fall apart just as terribly, did they enable each other ? Did he shut down emotionally, stand stoic and solid, even as Wendy crumbled, refusing to share any tears, anger or comfort?

And did Wendy despise him for it? Did she lash out at him, blame him, wish he had died instead? Or did he simply disappear from her mind entirely, kicked out to make more room for Abigail...one night, after crying all the tears she could possibly shed, her eyes glazed over, incapable of seeing anything beyond her grief and sadness.

Im sure we'll know someday but until then....I can only wonder....