#but like idk at what to bring with me bc like girl dont do it 0.5 of ur bag is filled with one book u need the space !!!
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the cons of solely reading big long ass books: the travailability sucks
#travailability is not a word#idk if there is a word for that#but like idk at what to bring with me bc like girl dont do it 0.5 of ur bag is filled with one book u need the space !!!#need a dedicated ’’public transport’’-book#cant whip out a 1000 page thing for a 10min bus commute#but i want to#(idk why suddenly everything I read is like 500+ pages idk what happened and why)#june 2024#2024
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sorry i need to overshare on tumblr dot com. nothing serious but it might be long so im putting it under a readmore
i started seeing a therapist in june and just stopped and i am not intending this to come across as anti therapy in any way but im like LASKJF idk. i need to tell somebody else about this. I contacted her in like mid May i think and i specifically sought her out bc she said she does cognitive behavioral therapy and ive read thats a good option for people dealing w my issues and started seeing her in june and like. The first couple of times were fine i honestly didnt really like it but everyone and their dog is always like ohhh it always kinda sucks at first and also i simply hate talking about my feelings etc so i expected that. fine whatever. anyway red flag number one was that she didnt seem to understand how insurance works at all and said i could just pay her on venmo. and i was like. Um ok. but she said i wouldnt need to for a couple weeks so i just left it alone. red flag number two is that one time she brought her enormous dog and it lunged at me and tried to bite me in the face. LASJKFG which to be honest. I almost walked out at that point and i mean she was very apologetic + usual dog owner "he never does that im so sorry!!!!!!" and removed him from the office but like Who fucking brings their horse sized dog to a therapy appt without asking if the person is ok with it. And like she was accredited and shit its not like i was going to see someone in their basement. i would ignore these if i thought her sessions were like remotely helpful but all she would do was like. Ask me about what i did and then tell me not to do that. Like i pace around the house a lot when im anxious. and she would be like well try not to do that. ok! see you next week. Like. Do you think ive not thought of that one. she also kept insisting that my phobia has to be like rooted in some kind of trauma or that its actually Secretly about being afraid of embarrassment and i would be like. i dont think its either of those things. and then she'd be like Ok well i don't really know how to help you :/ Which honestly idk. i was put off by her saying that repeatedly as is but then last week she just decided she was going to make me try exposure therapy which i told her before i don't want to do / don't feel ready to do right now. i just want to focus on managing the anxiety first. and she just like told me to do it anyway LJKFD idk. i emailed her to tell her i didnt want to continue and she was like that's ok. you might want to try EMDR therapy. btw you still ahve to pay me on venmo. and im just sitting here like 1) No i dont think i will need to try that and 2) I paid her thru my insurance like a normal person LASKJF like i dont know. i feel like i dodged a bullet or something. i'll try again someday but at this point im just happy to stop paying $20 a week for a woman to tell me to meditate. perhaps this is an uninteresting wall of text but if you read this far picture me shaking your hand. just a life update from me
#thoughts#dont reblog#Wait she also told me not to bring water 2 my appointments bc i told her i sometimes get anxious when i dont have a drink on me#and i was like you want me to not bring water to my appt that i walk to in like 90 degree heat? and she was like :/ ok nvm#idk. help. LKDFJK#also. in her email today she was like you may also wqant to try someone who does traditional therapy#and i was like#Girl what are you doing then..#sorry i keep remembering more things
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venting / advice seeking (dw its not depressing this time lmao)
#ok so my best friend started talking to this guy#n its all she talks abt#WHICH SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO#like im not blaming her at all#i would do the same thing#but every time she brings it up i feel so unloved#like this girl got on hinge IMMEDIATELY met a guy shes gonna go on a date with#like what must it be like to have guys look at you and see something pretty#and like my envy is starting to make me not wanna be around her#which sucks bc shes my best friend n i LOVE HER#n i value her friendship sm she means sm to be i dont wanna cause a rift between us over something stupid#but every time im around her i feel unloved and ugly and sad and pathetic and belittled and less than#and i think she can tell??? (not sure tho)#so yeah#sigh#idk what to do#some advice would be so appreciated#ok thats it i love you guys 🫂🫂
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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o i wanted to make a post that im honestly not smart enough to actually sit down and think out but i like the way meryls trauma doesnt completely woobify her character but does still affect her, it just feels nice to see a female charcater not be completely reduced to a wet soggy mess bc of trauma but also not to (very unrealistically) just Get Over It i think trigun has a nice balance and its refreshing
#also not saying its a secret feminist masterpiece or anything (coz ive seen ppl say that and. come on) but i still think it does well-#enough to be given an appreciative nod#i mean its clear nightow didnt know what to do w milly n meryl after a certain point bc there was just. So much goin on w vash and knives#so he just has the girls do some nomad stuff offscreen until he was ready to bring them back in and yknow what i dont hate that#i think its important to note the women in trigun are fucking amazing tho like. rem meryl luida elendira even lina#and yeah millys underdeveloped but still shes so good#so im not gnna sit here and criticise nightow for being just as misogynistic as some other male mangaka bc i think he does very well#and thats not even to say the bar is on the floor like i truly believe that. i love meryl for a reason#but. ppl can we maybe stop w the 'trigun is so feminist' praise bc lets be real nightow probably just has a thing for strong women#98 anime is a little different tho i was pullin some faces while rewatching some clips.#im obvs talking abt the manga#and stampede is still not done so i wont comment too much on that besides the fact i like where its going (girlwise)#i dont usually like viewing manga thru this lense bc its not the same culture and feminism looks different in japan than it does over here#but i saw a chart. it made me twist up my face and go hrrrrnnnmmmmmnnnnmmnnm..... nnhhnnhhjnnn... mmmmmmmm#jesus i didnt mean to go off in these tags i just wanted to make another 'meryl good' post for the pile#ig im still thinkin abt that chart idk i guess it stuck w me (regretfully)#anyway point is i love meryl for a reason trigun women are great thanks nightow but im not gnna praise him for bein a feminist icon
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Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!
#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting!#and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective#bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers#so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting !#but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me'#and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT#like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what#like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything#and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up#i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis#so maybe its just not worth it ?#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means#what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory#but idk if i can trust anyone else either#i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe#what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me#which i dint love tbh#personal
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im not joking but if one more relative in fucking bangladesh sits me down and warns me about the dangers of pride month and whatever the fuck since im moving to canada im going to kill myself im going to kill myself im going to kill myself
#literally im ok w being closeted till i die bc i love my parents and they dont bring up this shit#but what the fuck its literally so fucking annoying to pretend to be completely interested and ok when some bum fuck uncle is warning me abt#transgenders and drag queens and gay people like . im literally going to shoot myself#and it pisses me off even more when the relatives in question are so unreligious too like. genuinely why the fuck do u care#and sincerely leave me the FUCK alone gay ppl r not gonna kill me what the hell#sometimes i js wanna tell them i kissed a girl for the first time in the same house they were in just so they can freak out or whatever#anyway. anyway. i hate pride month im so sorry fellow lgbts but its so terrible for me#i wish they would continue to just be so ignorant and oblivious to everything pertaining to sexuality and gender#that way i can avoid their stupid lectures. like i literally am always the one forced to listen to this bc im too polite to tell them to#fuck off#and anger and frustration aside... its also just so hurtful lol#like to know sooo clearly that the love ur extended family have for u is so conditional even my cousins#how does who i love change what kind of person i am. if only they had any idea that the kind of derogatory terms they r using towards this#'faceless' force of lgbts applies to the same kid they literally raised. like. idk its so depressing#and if i lie and say im neutral to this kind of topics thats also problematic bc i gotta b violently against it#im genuinely so upset by this soz guys#praying i never return to bangladesh#hate it here lol
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My coworker: I've heard different opinions about the barbie movie
Me: oh yeah bad and good?
My coworker: yeah, some say it's a really good movie and the others say it's such a feminist movie
And that's how I came out as a feminist at my work
#we had. a discussion.#her argument was that some women WANT to stay at home and do nothing#and i was like yeah but what about us who dont want to do that#and i mentioned pay gaps with real examples from our work#i asked her if she wouldnt like us to get paid as them#and she said no bc everywhere men get paid more#and i was like. isnt that. isnt that a problem in your eyes#she was quiet for a few seconds and said that men deserve more pay bc their work is physically harder#i then pointed out a male coworker who has not lifted a finger in the establishmenet. ever. we (girls) have always been the ones who bring#him all the equipment. not the hardest equipment but like cpr mannequins are quite heavy in bulk#and she was like he doesnt count hes an old usless guy#and i was like he counts because he is old and useless and earns tirple our salary because he is a man#she was silent again and said women dont earn more bc they dont know how to talk#to which i said our vice director (a woman) can.#and she said she cannot say anything to me#and i was like yeah not to you but she has negotiated quite impossibly sounding things before#i added of course it depends on person what you can and cant do and how hard your work is and that those abilities are not divided by gender#she said nothing and we continued on with our day#like idk guys i feel like im slowly destroying our friendship with thisb#but also why would i be friends with someone who sees women as lesser?
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been almost 3 yrs and i am still struggling with the whole mikachi first meeting thing. bye
#for zl its something simple. i just saw cute fanart of it with another ship [ p sure it was someones 2 ocs ] and enjoyed the idea#i lost my black umbrella irl but tbf it doesnt really matter because i always fucking forget to bring it anyways. so sometimes i get caught#in the rain. so idk zl lends me his umbrella bc. fuck! heading in the same direction and is like hey loser . . let me help you . .#cue immediate heart eyes bc handsome stranger helped her. like Wow Yuo Are So Cool... ♡#afterwards she mentions this interaction to her friend [ yun jin or hu tao .. unsure but they are both so silly so its hard 2 decide ] and#then they are like wait i know that grandpa you're talking about! let me set you up lalala theres this whole thing i'm lazy#i'll write about it Maybe bc i do want to write for my platonic f/os. and also cover all the [ firsts ] in my self ships#its just: i don't like feeling obligated to stick to things (like a series or theme or whatever) so maybe not. would be nice though..#nobody in this world is allowed to laugh at me i'll die#as for childe my plan was he breaks into her house and then shes like wtf who r u?!! they make eye contact and kiss + get married asap#no actually i truly dont know. zl's is slightly easier because he lives a mortal life. just chills#has connections with a lot of the liyue chars. literally just enjoying his retirement era now#ajax doesn't have many connections ( other harbingers but they dgaf about each other i think x ) and i just cant imagine that. idk#just fucking. bumping into him would lead to anything. maybe i should turn into a fish and have him fish me up and then i transform into a#girl and then we fall in love what do you guys think (losing my grip on humanity)#💭#mika ♡ ajax#mika ♡ zhongli
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if anyone needs me i will be rewatching trigun 98 and tristamp over and over until my brain explodes
#had a bad time in therapy today sigh#first time i cried in front of the new therapist wooooooooo#and we havent even started talking about the painful stuff yet. how tf am i gonna handle that#(spoiler: im not <3 we dont have to talk abt it if i never bring it up)#also being. slammed with nostalgia (/neg) and i cannot get rid of it and it fucking sucks#got a. bad taste in my mouth. from like. everything rn#anyway. if anyone needs me i will be bolting myself into a shitty tin can and sending myself to the bottom of the sea.#not to see the titanic bc im not dumb and full of hubris. but just like. in general#im down there now. i want to fucking explode#sorry bad joke <3 i wanna kms so bad. i wanna wake up tomorrow and be in a universe that is Not This One#aaughrggghrghr. im angry and j dont know what im angry at . i wanna. fling myself into space#so instead i will watch trigun and if i start posting about max in the next day or so well can you blame me.#i hope someone draws him for artfight. specifically. hes rlly cool#i have his page uploaded already but im sooooo bad at making descriptions#oh fuck i also learned how to fucking tag things on artfight now omg. i didnt know that was a thing.#how did i do three years of this shit and not TAG anything. what the fuck#anyway. wish i was a guy covered in blood rn. maybe i should watch hannibal instead#is it time to bring out ol reliable and watch the stab scene from mizumono on a loop again#and perhaps i will listen to sodikken misery meat and people eater. idk. spice it up a little#girls when they say they want to be held: screenshot of the way hannibal holds wills face before gutting him like a fish#im feeling rlly normal rn if you cant tell
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I'll be honest w y'all i do not intend on catching up w yj any time soon
#i think the finale aired? i saw a tweet ab the finale#but i just. do not care i must admit#i was so excited ab this season this show was a comfort show but the aspects of the fandom ive seen lately just. not good don't vibe#i think a Lot of the s1 and waiting experience for me was fandom based so this show is very fandom oriented for me#and knowing that everyone ive seen talk ab the show on twitter is violently hating the main character that draws me to the show is. mhm#like dont get me wrong i like the girls too!! theyre all mostly pretty likable for me its just.#im at a. specific point in my transition rn where im more drawn to male characters just bc of like. where im at idk#i dont feel like i have to explain it tbh but i also do bc i have seen fans of this show get attacked for far less#but going into s2 ben was my#my main interest i guess the main focus for me and maybe that's stupid but its what it is#and so everything just being the entire fandom hating him is just. not making me wanna watch at all#like im not gonna speak on if they're justified in hating him or not bc i have no idea i havent seen it and its truly not the point#like theyre valid for hating him and im not tryna talk shit on them for it it just kinda has been so loud that im not having fun anymore#idk. idk where this is going or what the solution is like i love this show but genuinely#can not bring myself to watch bc i will not enjoy the moments my favorite character is on screen bc i will Know people r loudly anti him#so im just kinda staying away i guess#idk. i kinda want them to. kill him off so i dont have to deal w it anymore#but i also know that when they kill him off people will be loudly celebrating and maybe thats worse#idk. i think the only way for me to win here is to change how i feel ab ben and not care ab him and join the hate train but i don't want to
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Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...
#miranda talking shit#Uuuh i was kinda rightfully anxious? I told him about how i am a little freak and i basically am down to date 90% of my friends#But i got told by Oliver that it could be i act that way bc i dont want to be abandoned/left so im willing to compromise however they want#Me to... So talked about that with him and yep. We finally got into the whole... 'what are we' business. Or well kinda not directly#He said he didn't want to bring it up but we basically are on the subject so... And how hes worried that i will think too much about him#'i worry the more time we spend together the more your life will revolve around me and you'll value me so much more than i do you'#'it doesnt seem fair to you so ive occasionally not talked with you because i worry about that. You're a great friend but I know how much#You think about people. And im worried if you think about me too much you'll develop feelings or I'll mean more to you than before' i... He#Isnt wrong? Thats kinda how i work. The more people prioritize me the more ill value them and cherish them? But also... Idk if he understod#That i dont actively think about kissing or dating my friends? Its just a thing i know that if anyone asked I'd be down for it. But i dont#Daydream about it or anything. But then again he said some cryptic fabian shit like 'i dont have anyone else to compare with so i assume#What we have is normal. I sometimes want to cross the line to see where i still stand with you after doing it' like bro... Im so sorry i am#I am so far from 'normal' and him having me as his biggest both friend and female/woman in his life is probably such a mess i am crying#Me: ok then cross the line and see how you feel. 'but thats the problem. You dont have a line you're so open and down with everything you#Dont really react badly' I know i... Probably am making things hard for him sometimes but this was an holy shit moment /: hes worried to#Spend too much time with me bc of how i can potentially feel? Meanwhile I'm basically 80%+ of all his social interactions 😭 at one hand i#Appreciate him thinking of me and worry i guess but... Yeah. I told him: listen Fabian. My life does not revolve around you and youre not#The only one i think about. You are safe.' his and mine relationship is my favorite but also i definitely worry bc i know how much what we#Have or talk about or act is his... Only reference for girls basically. I mean outside his mom. He's not had any other girl friends and no#Actual girlfriend. So his reference to whats... Okay and appropriate is basically dictated by me and im seeing that very clear now im kinda#Afraid. Like... Im not normal on any level. If he's basing his view on women on me hes going to have an awful time truly... Idk if i should#Be offended or flattered that he thinks he's the center of my world 😭 like hes not completely wrong. I talk with him multiple times per#Week. But i can also say hes not all i think about at all waking hours lol. I obviously love him and care so much about him but im not#In love with him. Not as far as i know anyway. I dont think of him how i do people i have crushes on for example so yeaah. It bothers me#More that he couldn't just say 'im not into you' bc thats fine. He added the whole element of 'im not sure' like buddy now im going to be#Anxious about that in the future. I guess he have no reference to crushes so he cant tell but like... How do you want me to act so you can#Tell? I want an solid answer putting in an maybe is cruel even to me. This is funny bc tbh i dont even know if i would be able to date him#Even if he said he wanted to. Bc i know his biggest wish is to be a dad and i have nog fully embraced that idea even /: 'i can feel how ego#Centered i am. Assuming im the center of your world like that' at least youre self aware sweetie. Sounded like he was at peace with all we#Said and im here like... Binch there's so much to think about i wish i could read your mind i need more information to understand all this
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"protective" part: ok when u talk to ur psychologist do NOT!!! mention that u found something to self harm with in hospital. u KNOW she will tell them. ik she let u get away with it that one time but this is different. you understand this?
me: yes. I will keep just this bit of information from her and it will be all ok.
babby part of me that always has to take the reins during session: *tells her*
my psychologist: *calls the ward*
me: surprised pikachu face
#ed mumbles#self harm ////#literally i had the gall to be surprised#like youre not gonna tell them are you???#and shes like what... do you expect me to do here...#she also said i have to text housemate and ask them to bring me some stuff#bc she will text them herself in an hour#such conflicted feelings#i understand you are doing these things to help but oh my god#idk why i let myself tell her fjfhdjdkd#and shes like 'i think a part of you does want me to know so i can help you'#girl yeah but. i hate thos#probably dont need to say this but that protective part is Enraged
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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i cant describe it but people just putting meryl and milly in the background of vashwood instead of just putting them front and centre in their own piece genuinely feels like im being cucked like why did u even bother
like damn maybe id like the ship more if people didnt just go "theyr so cute and soft and married aahhh so so gentle and femme and girly theyr so cyute" then the only time they draw them is like. idfk them walking in on vash and wolfwood fucking eachothers brains out like god. all talk.
#i think its the only reason i dont like the pairing like. i like them theyr cute but. idk for me theyr not romantic#and its like. really annoying when people just say they ship them but its just lip service bc they rlly wanna pretend they care#but the truth is is that ive seen maybe 3 people put milly/meryl front and centre in their own dedicated art#and it was good#ppl just dont know what to do w them#not that i do either but hey at least i dont claim to ship them#listen im not tryin 2 dictate or anything#but fr it annoys me sm when people pretend to ship them to either go 'see? i do care about women!!! (lie)' or to get them 'out of the way'#DONT SAY U SHIP THEM IF U DONTTTT FUCK STOP PRETENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#id rather u just leave them out of it like genuinely its such an insult to their characters like god#even nightow doesnt shove them to the back this much and they werent present for like 30 chapters at one point#BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WOULD BE MORE IMPACTFUL TO BRING THEM BACK IN SOME BIG REVEAL AND GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO DO#bc he respected his characters enough to not have them just bumble about in the background doing fuckall while he figured them out#so they were temporarily removed from the plot and them coming back and being Ready 2 Fucken Go was powerful it was so cool#please just respect these girls ffs stop having them be the Background Cardboard Cutout Dykes#so so so so so so annoying 2 me as a meryl and milly lover#rbs off i dont wanna start discourse#also ive talked abt this before
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Sometimes i wonder if my mother feels our relationship is strained or its just from my perspective
#lost a lot of respect for my mom bc how she views her relationship with her boyfriend#i think i told her once to leave him n she gave me that ‘idk what im gonna do or where to go’#okay…..i was quite literally a teen#so after YEARS of hearing what hes done or even just me seeing stuff hes done personally#like yes i hate him but girl please leave this man if all youre gonna do is compain about him to me#kinda why i dont tell her shit that may happen is cause i know shes not gonna leave so whats the point of telling her. if i still have to#see him#another thing is why would she bring a homopobic/transphobic/racist man into her life NNOWING i myself am queer/mixed#EWWWWW#is it bad that i look down on my mom for that#i know i have a problem with how i view certain women because of my mom#mommy issues or whatever. but#idk how do i sit down and have a conversation with someone that hurt me n fucked up how i view relationships
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