#but like i do want to know how the rest of the 118 reacted

[babyboybuckley]

Idk I feel like today's ep would have been a great segue into talking about the punch bc I STILL wanna know how people reacted to that news

[munsonsmixtapes]

I Can Do it With a Broken Heart

Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: you and Buck go your separate ways only for fate to pull you back together

cw: miscommunication

part one part two part four part five part six

Two Months Later

The restaurant was pretty empty when you entered it but that only made it easier to look for who you were meeting. You spotted them and made a beeline for the table, setting your purse down on the floor before taking a seat.

Nervousness was coursing through you as you rested your shaking hands on the table as a way to steady them. You didn���t know why you were doing what you were doing, but felt like at least someone should have known what was going on.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” you said, finally looking up at the person.

“It’s my pleasure,” Athena replied, taking a sip from the mug in front of her. “Now what’s going on? You sounded very nervous on the phone.”

You almost didn’t want to answer her. You could feel bile climbing up your throat as the words sat heavy on your tongue, weighing it down, almost making you unable to speak.

You were terrified to think about what Athena would think about you once you told her the news. You brought your hands to your stomach and rubbed up and down as you felt tears prick your eyes. You had gotten so close in the short time that you’d known her and you’d hate to lose her over something like that.

But you wouldn’t have lost her. Athena would have supported you in whatever you wanted to do and you make you feel good about whatever decision you decided to make. She was going to be there for you every step of the way.

“I’m pregnant,” you told her and she almost choked on her coffee as the words came out of her mouth. She let out a few coughs and then took a few sips of water before clearing her throat, composing herself to assess the situation appropriately.

“How did this happen?” She asked and you eyed her, knowing that she knew exactly how it happened.

“Well, when a man and a woman-”

“I mean, who’s the father?” You took a deep breath, your anxiety sky rocketing again, but you took a sip of the water that was sitting in front of you to ease your nerves.

With the way she was asking a question, you made the assumption that she already knew what was going on and had already gotten her answer before you could get the words out of your mouth.

“It’s Buck.” Bobby had told Athena about your night with the guy so she wasn’t surprised in the slightest. She just wanted to hear you say it.

“Have you told him?” You not telling Buck was for your own selfish reason, even though you were going to convince yourself that he was the bad guy so you had a reason to hate him because it made the whole thing hurt less.

“No. And I don’t think I want to.”

“That’s your decision, but don’t you think he has a right to know?”

“Yes, but I’m just afraid that he’ll just be mad at me. He didn’t want me, Athena, so what makes you think he wants this baby?” Buck had ghosted you when he found out that you were Bobby’s niece, so how the he’ll was he going to react to a baby?

“Then you clearly don’t know Buck as well as you thought.”

“Athena-”

“That man has been hurt time and time again and he still has nothing but love in his heart. You know that if you decided to keep it that he’d love that baby more than anything in the world.”

“Everyone in my life leaves, Athena,” you told her, feeling a sob getting caught in your throat. “I already lost Buck and I can’t let him leave again.” Everyone that mattered in your life had left except for Bobby and Scarlett and Buck was just an addition to the list.

“Oh, baby,” Athena rested her hand on top of yours. “Nobody’s gonna leave you. And even if Buck isn’t on board. You have me and Bobby and the 118 is going to love that baby as one of their own. You have a family here, y/n. Always.”

“Thank you, Athena.”

“No need to thank me. That’s what family does. They’re there for each other.” She took a sip from her coffee and you felt the weight on your shoulders lessen as you realized that you had a whole support system behind you.

“I want to keep it.” You had always wanted to be a mother and it didn’t matter to you that the baby was a surprise. That made you love them even more than they had came out of nowhere. Just another thing to bring you joy.

“And we’re going to be right here with you.” Out of all the uncertainty in your life, that was one thing that you knew for sure.

-

Buck hadn’t seen you since you had left him at the fire station not only was he hurting from that, but also because of all the things he was going through from work. Bobby had been working him like a dog when the department wasn’t out on a call and he still wasn’t sure why. Every day for the past month, he either had to clean the bathrooms, do the dishes, or even clean the engine all by himself.

The other members of the 118 all watched in curiosity and whenever they asked what was going on, Bobby would just tell them that it was between him and Buck. That didn’t stop them from trying to intervene, though, helping Buck because they didn’t think that it was fair that he was having to do all of that by himself.

At first, Buck was unsure as to why he was being treated differently, but one morning, when he was doing the dishes, it suddenly hit him. There was only one reason as to why Bobby would have been treating him like that. He must have somehow heard that Buck had slept with you and now he was punishing him for it. But who would have told him? The only person he told was-

“Eddie,” Buck called from the kitchen and thankfully the man was sitting at the table, sipping on his coffee. Eddie turned around to look at his friend and Buck waved him over so they could have the conversation in hushed tones.

“What’s up?” Eddie asked and the way Buck was looking at him was almost accusatory.

“Did you tell Bobby about what happened with me and y/n?” Eddie hadn’t told anyone. He didn’t feel like he had a right to. Especially when Buck was telling him in confidence because he trusted him.

“Why would I do that?” That was a fair question. Eddie was the kind to take secrets to the grave.

“I don’t know, but he knows. That has to be why he’s punishing me, right?” Eddie agreed. Buck hadn’t done anything else that would have warranted Bobby to behave that way.

“Actually, that’s not why I’m punishing you.” Both Eddie and Buck turned their heads and there was Bobby standing on the other side of the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Who told you?”

“No one. I overheard you two talking. And I really couldn’t care less about your sex life since you’re adults, but you hurt my little girl, Buck.” Bobby shook his head in disappointment. He knew Buck was better than that and needed to make him pay in some way even if he knew it was wrong.

“I know, Cap,” Buck rounded the counter to stand in front of him. “And I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Buck felt like a goddamn idiot for what he had done and he just hoped that Bobby would have let him clean up the mess. And that it wasn’t too late to do so.

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be saying sorry, Buck,” Bobby gave his shoulder a pat just as the sirens went off and Buck headed to the stairs, only for him to be pulled back. “I’m benching you today.”

“Bobby-”

“You have a lady to catch.” With that, Buck rushed down the stairs and made a beeline for his jeep, waiting for the engine and truck before heading to the hospital where he knew that you worked, hoping that you were on shift.

Buck couldn’t believe he was going to let you slip through his fingers just because of who your uncle was and now you hated him. You hated him because of what he had done and now you were a part of the long list of women who never wanted to speak to him ever again. But he was at least going to try to make amends this time.

He got to the hospital and raced to the maternity ward, stopping once he got to the desk, latching onto it as he caught he breath from all the running that he had done. He held up his hand to the woman behind the desk to signify that he needed a minute then finally was able to get his breathing right so that he could speak.

"I'm looking for y/n l/n. She's an employee here."

"I'm sorry, sir, but it doesn't look like she's working today." Of fucking course.

"Thank you," he replied and rushed to the elevator, pressing the button rapidly as if that would make the thing show up faster. While he waited, he fished his phone out of his pocket and rang Athena.

"Buck, what a surprise." It wasn't really since Bobby and Athena had set up the whole arrangement to get the two of you together.

"Athena, do you happen to y/n's address?" Buck stepped into the elevator and pressed the button that was going to take him back down to the parking garage when he had parked.

"Well, it's about time," she laughed. If he hadn't messed everything up, he could have had her address a month ago. But, if he hadn't messed everything up, he wouldn't have been Buck. "I'll text it to you now. And Buck?"

"Yeah?" He knew that he wasn't going to like whatever Athena was going to say, but he listened anyway.

"Don't mess this up again." Before he could reply, the line went dead and the doors opened onto the parking deck. He raced to his car and once he was in it, he got out of there a quickly as possible as he typed the address that Athena had sent him into his navigation app.

-

Athena had been the first person you told that you were pregnant and now you were honestly nervous to tell anyone else. Scarlett had just called you and told you that she was on her way home from work and you told her that you had some big news, but didn't give her a hint.

You paced back and forth in the living room, wondering why you were more nervous to tell your best friend than you were to tell your uncle's wife. Scarlett was your ride or die and would have done anything for you, even if that meant helping you raise a baby if you asked.

The door opened and you turned to see Buck standing there, looking like he had just run a mile. You made eye contact with him and his face lit up as he made a beeline for you.

You backed away from him, feeling your heart rate quicken as you realized why he was there. He had found out and Athena had told him. You thought she was going to let you do it, but you supposed that you didn’t mind letting someone else rip off the bandaid.

“So you know?” You asked, and he nodded furiously.

“Yes,” he said. “Found out this morning.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

“I mean, I was a little upset at first, but I think it’s okay.” Okay? Okay? That was his response to being a father? You were beginning to think that Athena was wrong, but it actually seemed like you and Buck were talking about completely different things altogether.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” You asked and his eyebrows furrowed as he stepped closer to you.

“What are you talking about?”

“Buck, what do you think this conversation is about?” You wanted to hear the words from him so you didn’t accidentally reveal your secret too early.

“Bobby overhearing our conversation and punishing me for it.”

“He did what?” That didn’t sound like your uncle, but considering the situation, you guessed that of did. But you were still allowed to be angry with him for it. He didn’t need to fight your battles for you.

“Don’t worry about that right now.” He rested his hands on your shoulders to hold you back. “What’s your news?”

“I’m pregnant.” You watched his eyes widen, but his face didn’t pale like you were expecting. He just stood there, stunned.

“But we-we used a condom.”

“And it’s a very slim chance but pregnancy can still happen.”

“I just-I don’t understand.”

“Me neither, but the damage is already done. And I just want you to know what I don’t need you, okay? I can raise this baby all on my own and I don’t need-”

Buck cut you off by pressing his lips to yours, wanting you to stop talking. You gasped against his lips, but found yourself melting into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. The kiss was filled the feelings for each other that you had been bottling up for over a month, but it was still soft and sweet.

“I’m so sorry for leaving the first time. I was selfish and a dick and a coward and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I’m here now and I’m ready to support you in whatever you want to do.”

“If you’re going to support us, then you have to prove it. I want to know that you won’t just walk about again when things get hard. That you won’t just slip out in the night when they’re ten years old just because you felt like you couldn’t handle it anymore.”

With the way tears were forming in your eyes, Buck was beginning to think that that last part was personal. He knew that you had lost your mom, but he was beginning to think that you lost your dad to. That one night he just walked out on you and your mom and never returned.

So that was why him ghosting you hurt so bad. Well now he really was a dick and he was going to prove that he was never going to be like that man. He was going to be there every single step of the way no matter how hard.

“I promise.”

“I have an ultrasound appointment on Tuesday and I expect you to be there if you’re serious.”

“I’m so serious. I want to be there when they take their first steps and say their first word. All of the milestones and even just to put them down to bed. I will be there. Can I?” He asked, his hands reaching out and you grabbed onto them and pressed them to your stomach gently, resting your hands on top of his.

You watched his face light up as he looked down at your stomach, the baby growing inside of you being the product of your one night together. But he couldn’t have been more thrilled. It wasn’t exactly the way he had planned it, but he couldn’t have been more happy to be a dad and was ready to start this next chapter with you.

[half-bakedboy]

Tommy Taking care of Buck when sick or injured

Evan has a cold but if anyone could see him right now, Tommy believes they’d think he had the bubonic plague. 

“You know, for someone who has been crushed by a firetruck, made it through a tsunami, and got struck by lightning, you sure are reacting to a stuffy nose like it’s the end of the world.”

Evan smacks him, but he laughs despite it.

“I am suffering, Tommy. Christopher’s a teenager now, he’s not supposed to bring home germs like a toddler. Isn’t that how it works?” Evan complains. 

“I’m pretty sure schools are just cesspools no matter what age.” 

Tommy strokes a hand over Evan’s forehead to check his temperature as he’s done a few times over the past hour. He’s not too hot, but clammy, most likely from the weighted blanket he has pulled up to his neck. He’s tried to convince Evan to use something lighter, but it’s not an argument he’s going to win. 

“What can I get you?” Tommy asks softly. He presses a gentle kiss on Evan’s forehead, lingering for a moment when Evan leans into the gesture. 

It might actually be killing Tommy not to kiss him. 

“Do I have any SpaghettiOs? Maddie used to stock my kitchen up with them before she moved in with Chimney.” He pouts as he speaks, and Tommy feels like he’s going to lose it. 

He stands up abruptly and wanders to the kitchen, searching through every cabinet for the one thing Evan wants. He’s grateful when he finds a top shelf full of soup and a small note from Maddie telling him to feel better. It isn’t dated, but something tells Tommy that it’s been there for a while. It makes him smile, knowing that he’s always been cared for and that Chimney is being cared for by her now. 

He grabs the can of SpaghettiOs and tries to decide if Evan would rather have them on the stove or the microwave—the one other time Tommy tried to make something on the stove that was microwavable led to the great hot dog debate that pulled in the entire 118, so he goes with the microwave. By the time three minutes have passed, he can hear Evan snoring loudly on the couch. 

Evan is a sight to behold. He’s sprawled out on the couch that is just a little too short for his long frame, mouth wide open, nose reddened from tissue rash, and the blanket he’d fought Tommy to keep thrown to the floor. It’s quite possibly the most adorable scene he’s ever witnessed, and he’s done helicopter tours for kids. 

Without hesitation, Tommy pulls the much lighter blanket off of the back of the couch and rests it over Evan's frame so he has something to keep him comfortable. He picks up Evan’s legs carefully and reaches for the remote to change the TV over to some soft indie music channel Evan seems to enjoy when he’s relaxing. 

The book he’s been reading is just within reach, and he settles back into the couch to read. Evan’s snoring is loud and he’s seriously at risk of catching whatever Christopher had given Evan, but he can’t bring himself to leave. He’s going to be there when Evan wakes up. Even if he’s being overdramatic about his cold, Tommy knows there’s something inside Evan that needs taking care of, and he’s going to be the man to do that.

[the1gayteen]

Pink Pony Club Episode-911

Thanks to @speaknowbuckley I gained the motivation to finish this plot idea for what I picture for a queer central episode (Gay club, because its LA and I am desperate for ABC to allow us to see that side of the city!)  for 9-1-1!  (Also im back from vacation yay!)

Title: The Pink Pony Club (Please know that its been a Chappell Summer for me truly) 

Main Plot/Episode Dynamic:  

I see this following a bit after Bucks initial coming out as Bi (I initially had this before he actually was confirmed bi so I saw him coming out alone, but I can still see this with the buck/tommy coming out as well!). Takes place during pride month and Hen is watching as Buck is excited for his first pride month as not and ally™. I see her wanting to take Buck out with her and Karen to the bars to celebrate, and of course Chim and Eddie may have overheard and become jealous to join (letting them all come along for support and just fun). Overall its an episode that explore a lot. Buck feeling scared to feel accepted into the queer community finally, that maybe he isn't queer enough (possibly exploring Bi hatred within the community) (for me bi hatred and eraser is something that I would love to see touched upon especially now with how people have been reacting to bi characters becoming a norm) and scared to head out to the bars. But having a Buck and Hen brother sister scene where she convinces him that he should celebrate and love himself. Eventually planning outfits together. I see buck finally letting go as he walks into the first bar. People dancing around without a care, queens, men, women. Standing on the floor and letting the music mute his racing mind, finally letting himself sway to the music with a content happiness. Hen and Karen smiling proudly as they join in.  

Oh but don't think this whole story is just on Buck and Hen. I love a queer Eddie arch and if I was a writer for ABC this would be the first fucking stone cast for this arch. Eddie walking into that bar initially without any worry. He was an ally and doing this for his best friends, no worries there. Why would he be? He’s straight... right? But why as he's watching buck dance with men does he have this pain in his chest. Or seeing other men dance together with such joy and ease. Why as he sips and chats with a drag queen at the bar does he feel the most like he’s at ease and belongs somewhere than ever before? Why does the episode end with Eddie sneaking off back to the very same bar the next night without the rest of the 118 as a soft melody of pink pony club plays, a smile etching across his face as the lights over cast his face (I NNEEEDDD). 

Oh and Chim, having a fucking blast as per usual with Maddie.  

Songs Used/When they would be used: 

9-1-1's sound track to me at least has always been phenomenal for storytelling and setting the mood. So for an actual pride episode like this I would want some good bangers (I made a playlist that I may post later lol) 

1. If I Had You- Adam Lambert 

2. Pink Pony Club – Chappell Roan  

3. Rush- Troye Sivan (See this as more of a background song) 

4. I Know a Place- MUNA 

5. Its Raining Men- The Weather Girls 

There is more but these are *my* essentials 

Possible Emergencies: 

I would love for the conversation of Buck wanting/starting to look into queer culture and history after coming out to be shown on a call at a drag show/club. The same club that the 1(gay)teen shows up to later in the episode. Something about the dimensions of how certain heels are made for drag performers or how thick costumes (tights, tucks, etc.) can be and how that queen or queens ended up in that situation.  

A pride parade incident? (I wrote a possible scenario where there is one with Take me to Church over it and gods let me be a writer, PS I don't think I'm a good writer at all lol) 

Again thank you for coming to my Ted Talk I will take my exit..

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Okay that sucks

(I was here when the Tommy Buck scene was happening since I was a few minutes behind, after that bit at the end I came back here lol)

But phew it's just a sprain :))

BUCK WHAT

I need not see that o.o

Yeah really love character wise that Maddie is reacting like this

Exactly do NOT do it again o.o

Awww Maddie gets it :'((

OOF yeah that sucks xdd I know the feeling too

Not quite as strong as that but yeah

LOL dyed her hair and wanted to change her name o.o

XDD BOTH NAMES SLFKFHS

Yeeeah you would've looked desperate xd

"Stop acting like one" SLFKGHFJKDS LOL

Gosh <3

Oop police station :((

Ayy happy to see him :)

Aww yeah she's happy to see you anyway :)

LOL that's how I felt xD

Okayy okayy

:'OO YAYY staying here and community service!!!!

Awww that's so good :')))

Lol not the grounding I'm sure that'll be rough but you know xD good overall :')

OOPE Eddie o.o?

Oh hey Tommy :)!

LOL yeah his apartment is nice xD

Yeeah they noticed xd

Don't deny ittt Buuuck xdd

Aww yeah love Buck owning that :'))

Turns out he wasn't denying lol

It is nice of them (well Tommy but yk) to apologize :'))

Nah Eddie's not angry :')) that's good <33

Yeah he can have multiple friends xD

I swear if he says it seems like they're in love or he thinks they are lol

AWW yeah and Chris too :'DD

He talks about Buck 🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺

That's basically saying they're in love lol

Buck do you not realize how sus that is xD

Just. all your jealousy lol

But yeah it's not about you Buck lol

Aww yeah of the 118 :'/?

Yeeah :'(( :') poor guy <3

Yeah it really is like a family :') <3

I don't think they realize how rare that is :'/

Why are you guys standing so close together slfkdhs

Little gay xD

Awww it wasn't that he was thinking of switching :'o :'D aww good <33

Yeah lol you are pretty cool xD

The static was great slfkdjs

Umm?

UMM??

WHAT??

WHAT IS HAPPENING

WHAT IS. ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

(here's where I originally started typing when it happened but I'd been paying attention and not liveblogging for a minute there lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'LL CATCH UP IN A MINUTE TOMMY JUST KISSED BUUUUUUCK

AM I HALLUCINATING

I'M STRUGGLING TO BREATHE

OH

MY GOSH

"TAKE A DEEP BREATH" TV MAN I'M TRYING

OKAY UH

I NEED TO GO BACK UM ON SECOND

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OKAY I've now finished and I'll go back to the rest of that scene

AAAAHHHHHHHH SLFKGHDS "BETTER THAN MOUTH STATIC" I????!!

Sorry had to pause to scream and go insane to myself anyway

OH MY GOSH O.O

DID THST JUST HAPPEN

WHAT THE HECK

REMINDS ME OF THAT ONE BUDDIE MANIP

Also BUCK DOES NOT LOOK UPSET!!!! BRO LOOKS HAPPY!!!!

LITTLE DID HE KNOW THIS WAS JUST MESSED UP (AS IN HE DIDN'T NOTICE SO IT WAS JEALOUSY LOL) CRUSHING ON TOMMY

And Eddie too of course but we'll come to that later

I

My gosh

YESSSS y'all oh my gosh o.o

Listen I want him to be with Eddie but y'all I'm okay with this right now SLFLGJDS

AAAAHHHHHHHH

And yes LOL call Eddie xD

While he's in drugs dlfkfshdk

AAAHHHHHHHH my gosh

Buck's FAAAACE!!!!

Oh my gosh

I know it's the end of the episode but I don't want it to be

Oh my gosh

The perfect ending scene

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

H

O

L

Y

H

E

C

K

I'm losing it

Wow

[atimeofyourlife]

Hiding my past from my future

day 23 | rated: t | wc: 1372 | prompts: FORCED CHOICE | Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you." ALT prompt: Secrets Revealed | cw: past self harm | ao3 Buck only wears long-sleeved uniforms after joining the fire department, after getting splashed with an unknown substance the team find out why.

Buck knew it would get picked up on eventually. He'd managed to evade it through the academy without anyone noticing, only a handful of comments about his insistence of only wearing long sleeves. Long sleeved workout gear, long sleeved uniform shirts. Most people just assumed he had a bunch of tattoos on his forearms that he had to keep covered as per LAFD policy.

Once he'd received his assignment to the 118, he fought to keep it a secret. Ignoring the comments on his choice of uniform, and any mention of him being quick to shower and change without anyone seeing. He just did not want to deal with the awkward and uncomfortable questions that he knew would be sent his way.

It was a couple of months into his probationary year. A medical scene that was the aftermath of a dispute that the police had already cleared. Buck didn't have much to do as there was only one patient, so he was mostly grabbing anything that Hen and Chimney asked for.

As they were preparing to move the patient, Buck noticed a man approaching them.

"Sir, I need to give us space so we can do our job." He did his best to block the mans way to the patient.

"That bitch needs to get whats coming to her." The guy shouted and lunged forward.

"Cap." Buck yelled, jumping back in front of the guy. He felt something splash on him, hitting him on the neck and chest, quickly soaking through his shirt.

The remaining police on the scene were quick to react, tackling the guy to the ground. Bobby and Chimney were close behind, grabbing Buck and guiding him to the engine.

"We need to get this shirt off." Chimney said, but Buck wasn't quite registering what had happened until Chimney was ripping Buck's shirt open, then grabbing scissors for his undershirt.

"What are you doing, stop." Buck pushed Chimney away, panicking at the thought of anyone seeing him shirtless.

"Buck, we need to get your shirts off so we can flush the area. We don't know what you were splashed with. We need to follow protocol." Bobby replied, resting his hand on Buck's shoulder on the side that hadn't been hit with the unknown liquid.

"I. I can wait until we're back at the station. I'll shower it off and change there." Buck was close to begging at this point.

"No can do. It's to limit contact. If it's corrosive, or whatever, the longer it stays on the skin, the more damage it can do." Bobby explained.

Buck didn't respond and just hung his head as Chimney started to cut his undershirt.

"You know, pretty boy like you, I thought you'd always be wanting to show off your muscle. Never expected you to be so shy." Chimney said as he'd cut the shirt through and moved to push it off of Buck's arms.

Buck couldn't rise to the bait, fearing what would come next. He didn't react to the twin gasps of shock as his shirts were removed.

"Let-lets start to flush the area." Chimney said quietly, not coming up with a joke for once.

"Yeah. It's going to be okay, Buck." Bobby added, then both were dousing him with bottled water. It was cold against his skin, but Buck couldn't bring himself to care. Too worried about how they were looking at the fine silvery-white scars that covered both of his arms.

"There's no obvious skin reaction." Chimney murmured, shining his penlight over where it had hit. "No redness, no blistering, no swelling. Feels to be the same temperature as the surrounding skin. Does it feel sore, or does it itch at all, Buck?"

"No." Buck mumbled, unable to meet their eyes. "It's fine."

"Here." Bobby tucked a blanket around Buck's shoulders. "We've been cleared to head back to the station, just need to keep an eye on you to make sure there's nothing that comes of it. An officer will be by to grab your statement."

Buck just nodded, and pulled the blanket tighter around him. Not wanting anyone else to look at him. He moved to pull himself into his seat in the engine, still worried about what would come of it back at the station.

"It's okay, Buck." Chimney murmured, taking the seat next to him.

--

Back at the station, Buck hopped out of the engine and made his way straight to the showers, grabbing a clean uniform on the way. He stayed under the spray for way longer than he usually would, wanting to put off facing his team.

"Buck?" Chimney's voice came from the door to the men's showers. "Cap sent me in to check on you. And to tell you to hurry up, because an officer is here for your statement."

"Yeah. I'm fine." Buck replied, turning the shower off and grabbing his towel. "I'll be out in a minute. Just let me get dressed."

"Not so fast on that one, Buckaroo. He also wants me to take another look at you. Make sure you're not having a reaction." He could hear Chimney's footsteps coming closer to his stall.

Buck groaned and wrapped his towel around his waist and stepped out of the stall, fighting to resist the urge to hunch in on himself and hide.

"There's a little redness." Chimney commented, his fingers ghosting over Buck's skin. "But I'm guessing that's because you've scrubbed pretty hard to get rid of whatever that was."

"Uh-huh. Can I put my clothes on now?" Buck asked, a slight whine in his voice. He felt exposed and wanted to cover up as quickly as possible.

"Buck." Chimney grabbed his shoulder. "You- you know we're not going to judge you for this, right? It doesn't change how we think about you or anything."

Buck scoffed, he'd heard it before that people wouldn't judge for his history of self harming, but they always did.

"I mean it. We've all got our own shit. This job weighs on all of us. None of us are going to judge someone for how they coped with the shit they were dealing with."

Buck nodded and turned to go and get dressed.

--

After he'd given his statement to the police officer, Buck slowly made his way up to the loft, feeling like everyone was looking at him.

"They have any idea what it was that guy threw over you?" Hen called over the back of the couch.

"He said it was piss." Buck replied, thankful they weren't going for the difficult part of the conversation

"Gross." Hen wrinkled her nose. "But at least it was only disgusting and not dangerous."

Buck managed to crack a slight smile at her reaction, and took a seat in one of the chairs. He tried to ignore it, but he could feel Hen, Bobby and Chimney sneaking glances at him.

"I can feel you all looking at me. Just get it over with." Buck sighed.

"We're just concerned about you, Buck." Hen said softly.

"I'm fine." Buck insisted. "It's been ages. And this is why I hid it. Because people get weird about it."

"How long?" Bobby asked.

"Does it matter? It's not like I still do it." Buck was getting defensive, hating that he was being question about such a private part of himself.

"Either you answer our questions, or I'll have to remove you from active duty until you have had a psychiatric evaluation to determine your fitness for duty." Bobby's tone left no room for argument.

"I'm not fucking crazy." Buck burst out.

"No one thinks you're crazy, Buck. We want you to be at your best." Hen moved to his side and took his hand. "But we have seen how badly someone cutting themselves can turn out."

"It's been over two years. It was worst when I was kid." Buck admitted, hoping the little bit of information would satisfy them.

"Okay. If you ever get to that point again, can you just come to one of us? Talk it out and let us help you." Hen offered.

"I'll try."

"That's all we ask for, Buck." Bobby said. "And I'm sorry that this had to be revealed in such a brutal way."

[niirialnox]

Season 3 LET'S GO (aka I'M NOT READY FOR THIS ARC)

Episode 1;

idk how I feel about Eddie's haircut. . .

NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT'S COMING I CAN TELL YOU THAT (no matter how many times I've seen the scene already)

THE HAND PLACEMENT ON BUCK'S WAIST GET YOUR MAN EDDIE

God I love Buck and Chris scenes so much

LMAO KAREN CRYING AND HUGGING BUCK

I agree with everyone who says WHY DID WE NOT GET THE 911 CALL with this damn scene! Cause I wanted to see how everyone (especially Bobby and Eddie) fully reacted to him coughing up the blood

Oooh the Maddie stare is kinda scary. . .

NOT THE WHOLE OLD FOLKS HOME HAVING THE STD LMAAAAAAAAO

The way I understand that Bobby is trying to protect Buck by keeping him on light duty (and we all already know how that goes), but the fact that none of this was put onto Chim who literally had rebar through his head. And yes, I understand that maybe Chim did everything he was told to do, but that could only be a theory since we never get to SEE him until he comes back. Did he have to do everything Buck had to do to come back? Kinds sucks that Buck gets singled out. Buck should have been talked to about everything instead of his choice being taken away

Also the fact that they all kinda brushed him off (ESPECIALLY Eddie) on his trauma from the whole thing makes me angry (which will carry over to the next episode)

God they always gotta give Maddie the rough calls

OH GOD I DIDN'T KNOW THEY START THE TSUNAMI IN THE FIRST EPISODE I HATE IT HERE

The dad grip on Chris's shirt lmao

FUCK NOT READY FOR THE NEXT 2 EPISODES

Episode 2;

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

'Where did all the water go' will haunt me FOREVER

I'm also not ready for what Athena has to do either. . .

I KNOW IT'S A DRAMA BUT DAMN LEAVE MADDIE ALONE

Bobby doing the underwater rescue of the man impaled is something Buck would get in trouble for lmao

I love May so so much and it HURT that she had to go through that with Vicky

It's still weird to me that NO ONE tried to check on Buck cause they just assumed he'd be inland with Christopher

Dad!Buck will always be my favorite Buck

I WILL NEVER GET ON A FERRIS WHEEL AND THIS JUST ADDS AN EXTRA NOPE TO IT

BUCKS SCREAMING FOR CHRIS KILLS ME

Episode 3;

I am NOT OKAY

I WASN'T READY FOR BUCK TO FIND CHRIS'S GLASSES :(

I wanted to skip the Ferris Wheel scene SO BAD cause it made me nauseous cause of my fear of them

ATHENA WAS SO CLOSE TO CHRISTOPHER

THIS ATHENA SCENE I WASN'T READY FOR AT ALL (Though Athena breaking into a house did give me a giggle)

I FEEL LIKE THE MEAT CLEAVER WOULD HAVE BEEN QUICKER

AND THE REST OF THE 118 BEING SO CLOSE TO CHRIS TOO AAAAAAH

Buck calling Maddie and having to tell Eddie is also not a scene I was not ready for no matter how many times I've watched it

Watching Buck fall after seeing Chris safe makes me SOB EVERY TIME

Eddie giving Chris to his husband is honestly one of the best things ever (but does him calling Buck his free babysitter sit wrong for anyone else besides me? I know it was in jest and just trying to lighten the mood but it still kinda bothers me)

Still don't like Eddie's hair cut lmao And I'm not looking forward to the lawsuit UGH

[eggcatsreads]

January Reading Wrap-Up

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Favorite Read of the Month:

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein (GR review)

Oct. 11th, 1943—A British spy plane crashes in Nazi-occupied France. Its pilot and passenger are best friends. One of the girls has a chance at survival. The other has lost the game before it's barely begun.

Code Name Verity is the heart-wrenching story of a woman captured by the Gestapo as a Nazi spy - and her confession.

I HIGHLY recommend going into this book blind, without looking at ANY spoilers as I guarantee you will not see everything that's going on. This is also a book that really lends to a re-read, which is what this was for me. I had read this book last year, and even still this was still a top read for me - despite knowing what was going to happen. This book has a lot of hidden clues throughout that you only really catch on a re-read, but absolutely do not spoil the book for yourself. Trust me.

The beginning portion of this book can be very slow and seem to drag on for a while. Believe me when I say you need to push past it and finish to the end. Once the second section of this novel starts it's a whirlwind and everything you thought you understood for the first part is suddenly turned on it's head.

-----------------------

Other Five Star Reads:

Midnight in Chernobyl by Adam Higginbotham (GR review)

The story of Chernobyl is more complex, more human, and more terrifying than the Soviet myth. A harrowing and compelling narrative which brings the 1986 disaster to life through the eyes of the men and women who witnessed it firsthand.

I highly suggest this read if you have ever been interested in the Chernobyl disaster and wanted a nonfiction book that brought it to life, and also explained nuclear physics in a way that even non-nuclear physicists could understand. I mostly listened to this through audiobook, and there were times I was glad I was working alone because my jaw literally dropped and I gasped and reacted out loud to what was going on.

-----------------------

The Gathering Dark: An Anthology of Folk Horror by Multi

Hauntings, and a variety of horrifying secrets, lurk in the places we once called home. These stories shed a harsh light on the scariest tales we grew up with.

What it says on the tin. An anthology of horror stories by various authors (many of which I personally love their other works). If you like horror, especially creeping gothic horror, check out these stories. It's a quick read, and a fun way to bring some spice into your life without the commitment.

-----------------------

Rest of Books Read Under the Cut:

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Radium Girls by Kate Moore

The inspiring young women exposed to the "wonder" substance of radium, and their awe-inspiring strength in the face of almost impossible circumstances. Their courage and tenacity led to life-changing regulations, research into nuclear bombing, and ultimately saved hundreds of thousands of lives.

Superheavy by Kit Chapman (GR review)

An in-depth look at how synthetic elements are discovered, why they matter and where they will take us. From the Cold War nuclear race to the present day, scientists have stretched the periodic table to 118 elements.

Mr. Humble and Dr. Butcher by Brandy Schillace

In the early days of the Cold War, a spirit of desperate scientific rivalry birthed a different kind of space not the race to outer space that we all know, but a race to master the inner space of the human body.

-----------------------

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

The Shape of Darkness by Laura Purcell

As the age of the photograph dawns in Victorian Bath, silhouette artist Agnes is struggling to keep her business afloat. But then one of her clients is murdered shortly after sitting for Agnes, and then another, and another... Why is the killer seemingly targeting her business?

The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff

Twelve women were sent to Occupied Europe as couriers and radio operators to aid the resistance, but they never returned home, their fates a mystery. 

Plastic Fantastic by Eugenie Samuel Reich

This is the story of wunderkind physicist Jan Hendrik Schön who faked the discovery of a new superconductor made from plastic.

The Lost City of the Monkey God by Douglas Preston

Since the days of conquistador Hernán Cortés, rumors have circulated about a lost city of immense wealth hidden somewhere in the Honduran interior, called the White City or the Lost City of the Monkey God.

-----------------------

Rating: ⭐⭐

White Horse by Erika T. Wurth

Haunted by visions of her mother and hunted by this mysterious creature, Kari must search for what happened to her mother all those years ago. 

-----------------------

All my reviews and opinions are my own, and if you liked something I didn't that's great! My rating system is super subjective (like all of them are) and I definitely don't like books others do, and that's fine since we're not all the same person, lol.

My ratings are generally:

5 stars: Books I enjoyed the entire time I read them. I had fun, it was exciting, and I wanted to continue reading. Many times, the difference between a 4 and 5 star read to me is simply the Vibes. If I had fun reading the book, or was really invested, I'll give it 5 stars even if it's not objectively That Great of a Book. If the Vibes say so, they say so.

4 stars: Great book, but there was simply something that didn't fully connect with me or there were a few slow spots. ALSO many of the debuts I read I tend to rate 4 stars, since they're a new author and I don't want to rate too harshly. 4 stars is my safe rating when I can't fully commit to a 5 stars, but it either wasn't "bad" enough or I don't want to be mean enough to rate anything lower.

3 stars: Run-of-the-mill. Nothing surprising. Book was read, but I could handle having not read it. If "Ehhh?" with a waving hand was a book.

2 stars: I disliked something about this book, and at times I may have finished it because I had already invested this much time into it. This book might have made me angry with something the author chose to do or include, but it never quite reached the spite reading stage.

1 star: I finished this book out of spite. If I could fight it in an alleyway I would. I wish I could bring back the tree that died to make this book so it could fight the author personally for doing this to it.

-----------------------

Books read so far this year: 11

[matan4il]

Buddie 405 meta

This ep was The Buckley Siblings Begin tied in to being Buck Begins and I very much love it. That’s about as much as I can say about Buck and/or the sibling relationship, because like last week, there are things that hit too close to home and I’ve been crying way too much since the ep aired. But even as an older sister, I had to say I loved this! And I loved that where Buck’s parents couldn’t see beyond their pain and looked right through him, Maddie kept every postcard and image of Buck on his journey to find himself. She saw it all and she retained it all and it all mattered. Excuse me, I am a puddle of feels.

* * *

Overall, I think out of all of the ‘Begins’ eps, Buck’s resembled Eddie’s the most in terms of structure. Both eps start with something that the protagonist needs to learn tied in to his present story by and large, then we have a crisis during a call, and eventually the way that the call is resolved ties in with the protagonist coming to embrace a resolution that will help him grow and move on from the past that was just fleshed out to us. I won’t bore you with an analysis of the other ‘Begins’ eps, but each of them is missing at least one crucial component of this structure. And I like that this means the parallels you can draw between 315 and 405 are almost endless. I like that in this, the show highlights how much these two men have in common, having been mistreated by their own parents, going through a crisis, almost giving up, but then finding exactly what they needed to move towards their own new families that they invested themselves in out of choice (Eddie finding the realization he has built a new family with the 118, and with Buck and Chris; Buck finding that Maddie was there for him even when he thought she wasn’t and, if he was unsure during the LS crossover whether his friends would come for him, learning that they would, always).

* * *

We didn’t get a lot of Buck with the firefam scenes, if you think about it. And when we did, they were short. However! In each one of those scenes, Eddie was emphasized. From the moment Buck starts voicing his pain through the humorous tone, Eddie is the first face the camera cuts to, capturing his reaction, with a zoom in, twice in a row. That Eddie was first was already telling, but for a more neutral tone, I would have expected the camera to do the second zoom in on another of Buck’s teammates, to allow them to deliver the second line that lets us know how much pain Buck is actually in. But nope, we get Eddie again. Then the camera turns to Bobby and Hen together. Yes, it will then also zoom in on the rest individually, but the pattern established of Eddie being highlighted will continue. The building explodes with Buck inside? Eddie gets a lot of zoom in shots, while Chim and Hen are mostly shown together. The team makes it inside to save Buck? Eddie will be the first to appear, the first to grab the rope which signals Buck’s rescue, and the only one zoomed in on. Buck has a scene with the firefam after he’s out and Eddie’s not there? Eddie will be the first one to greet him when Buck returns from his medical check up and they will share this scene all by themselves while Bobby just walks away like it’s obvious they need time for themselves. Hen wasn’t focused on like this while Chim was inside with the bomber. Chim wasn’t zoomed in on like this when Hen was trapped underground. If Buddie isn’t endgame, why are they so constantly emphasized in relation to each other, Buck during the well collapsing in 315 and Eddie during Buck’s internal and external turmoil in 405?

* * *

Speaking of that turmoil. We have all noticed that Buck is trying to play his pain off as a joke, right? At first Eddie reacts in kind, but then he realizes that it’s way more serious than Buck initially let on (and in this, Eddie sets the tone for the rest of the firefam in that scene, too). I wanted to point out that this made me think we keep seeing them rubbing off on each other. Just like we saw Eddie in 403 sharing weird trivia he clearly knew thanks to Buck’s passion (which is even hinted at in the dialogue), we see here that Buck has learned from Eddie’s tendency to use humor when trying to deflect pain. This is so married couple behavior, I’m astounded.

* * *

In that bar in Peru, Buck was also using his passion for trivia in order to try and connect with the guy he was serving. He drops it when the guy checks out a girl passing by, sort of laughing it off knowingly, even though they continue talking. It’s subtle and more open to interpretation, but the fact that he drops it when the guy shows his sexual interests lie elsewhere makes it seem like maybe Buck was interested, but realized the guy’s a no go. Yes, we have another bi!Buck hint IMO. Then consider how with Eddie, Buck is successful in connecting using this tactic and I’m… at a loss for words, really.

* * *

Ooof, when Eddie welcomes Buck upon his return from his medical check up, that scene is so coupley, I can’t even… First, that he was waiting for Buck to return, like a good spouse. Then, he brings back their coupley banter and Eddie looks so happy to be doing that! Next, we see Buck explaining himself, not to his Captain (who has had issues with Buck's recklessness in the past) but to Eddie, he’s the one that counts and is expected to be upset. But Eddie isn’t, doesn’t even roll his eyes (like he did, for example, at Buck’s passion for rope rescues in 316). No, he’s soft and fond and familiar, knowing that this is what Buck had to do and clearly finding something very comforting in that: in that Buck is still the guy he is even during rough times; in that Eddie gets how he is and in that Eddie values him for it. Again with the parallels to 315, think of how Eddie himself had to cut the rope, so he gets why Buck had to try and save the guy despite the risk. But then also consider the parallel with Ali in 218. She watched Buck and who he is, but couldn’t take it. Eddie not only takes it, he loves the way his husband ticks. And yes, I said husband, there is no other word for them at this point. Especially because then we get Eddie telling Buck about his parents, which suggests that he had been spending time with them, probably sharing with them the stories about how amazing Buck is. How is that not spouse behavior? Tim Minear, explain!

Thank you so much to the incredible @bicepsie​ for making these wonderful gifs for my meta post! xoxox Also, if you like my takes on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics for them here and you can find my kind of fix it fic for Buck Begins, Reflections of You, here.

[littlespoonevan]

You have Thoughts about Eddie's face journeys thru s4 esp where Buck is concerned???? 👀 🍿🍿🍿

i sure do!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so i think there are 3 possible scenarios for how s4 played out re: 4x14 and the will, right?

1. ryan was made aware of eddie changing his will at some point early on in the season (around 4x04-ish) and therefore was responding appropriately (in conjunction with the script and director obviously) to how he thought eddie would react to buck

2. ryan didn't know but the writers did and so were purposefully including these lingering moments in the script where they would focus on eddie's reaction to buck

3. nobody knew until late in the season and it's all a huge coincidence

no matter which option it is, something about the way eddie looks at buck in season 4 is just Different?????

like season 2 is obviously about establishing their dynamic and developing their friendship. and season 3 in its own right has some very loud moments to really drive home their significance in each other's lives (the tsunami, the lawsuit, the kitchen scene, the skateboard etc.)

but while season 4 is a much quieter season in comparison and we definitely went whole episodes without any sort of major interactions between them, i honestly think it's the most...damning? in terms of evidence for how much they mean to each other (or at least how much buck means to eddie??) bc it’s more subtle, sure, but it speaks volumes to the depths of how they know each other

everything about how eddie reacts to buck in 4x04 and 4x05 shows how much he cares about him. being the calm to buck’s anger when he’s venting his frustrations on the punching bag, validating his feelings and saying he doesn’t need to apologise to his parents, being the one to know buck is talking to dr copeland, the “that’s not on you” and “i know you did” said so softly. 

none of it’s necessarily Big or Declarative but it’s there and it’s a given and you can tell eddie’s worried about him even if he’s not vocal about it like the others. you can see it in his face that he’s trying to figure out how to make buck remember he’s not alone and he ultimately does that in the same way buck did for him so much in s2 - he offers support like it’s a given and he doesn’t push beyond that

likewise the scene in treasure hunt haunts me where buck says he doesn’t trust anyone and eddie’s face just looks....so different to everyone else. the rest of the 118 are mock offended but eddie looks so?????? i don’t even know what the right word is but he’s very clearly thinking in that moment - about buck and trust and his abandonment issues and how to make him understand he matters to eddie (and chris)

also i was talking about this with @evanbucxley the other day but the moment at the beginning of jinx too with the whole ‘check’ thing where eddie completely indulges buck for no reason?????????? and does so in a way that clearly shows this is a conversation they’ve already had bc he knows what buck wants him to say. i’m literally not even lying when i say it might be one of my favourite scenes of all time for them bc he’s so fond???? and the fact this is coupled with him telling buck he’s allowed time to process if he’s not ready to move on after the daniel revelation and saying ‘still not sure what inspired this software update’ about buck 3.0

all of this is to say, having these quiet asides where we see these moments play out in eddie’s expression whether they were deliberate or not, laid such a perfect foundation for everything that happened in 4x13/4x14. because you watch buck completely lose it when eddie gets shot and you watch him break down sobbing and you watch him step up to take care of christopher in a way that’s so expected and accepted by the other characters and you watch eddie’s face when buck says it’d be better if he got shot and then you watch the hospital scene and you just think....of course

of course eddie would do this. of course he would choose buck - he loves buck and he trusts buck more than anyone. of course this makes sense. and i honestly don’t know where they’re taking things from here but i think so much of season 4 showed eddie quietly reflecting on his feelings for buck and how he specifically cares for him (not even necessarily romantically but just as one of the most important people in his life) which then culminated in the hospital scene and “you act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong” - arguably one of the most significant things any character has ever said to buck. and i’d really, really love if we got a similar journey for buck in regards to eddie in s5 :’)

[hexensalbei]

getaway green

find it on ao3

“Yeah, yeah… Love ya too, man.”

Eddie abruptly stops before he enters the changing room. Heʼd recognise that voice everywhere because itʼs Buckʼs. But the words he overheard make him uneasy. Love ya too? To whom Buck might have said it? The most likely answer is to Eddie but he’s right here and he’s definitely not talking with his best friend. It’s not Chim either because Eddie saw him already in the station. So… Who else? Albert? No, that’s just ridiculous. Albert and Buck are friends—not as good as him and Buck, obviously—but why would they talk via phone when they probably saw each other this morning in Buck’s apartament? It doesn’t make sense. So… Who is it then?

Eddie feels like someone just twisted his guts. Has Buck met someone new? No, he would’ve told him about his new relationship, he’s sure of it. His best friend has told him about reconnecting with Taylor and doing the whole “friendship without benefits” thing, for god’s sake. He would at least mention that he met someone worth dating.

It’s not very helpful or reassuring, though. Eddie knows it sounds bad but he doesn’t want Buck to find someone to date. Unless it’s him Buck would be dating. He can’t stand the idea of Buck spending his free time with someone else, kissing someone else, loving someone else.

Eddie’s very much in love with his best friend. He’s tried to get over with him by dating Ana. And it was a fucking disaster because everytime he kissed her, he wished it was Buck instead. So… It’s safe to say he got it bad. And he has to keep it under control because he doesn’t want to blow up the best friendship he’s ever had. Telling Buck he’s in love with him is not even an option.

He tries to suppress his jealousy and finally goes to the changing room. Buck’s already in his work clothes and he’s scrolling through his instagram; there’s a wide smile on his face. When he hears Eddie coming in, he looks at him and his grin gets even bigger.

“You’re almost late, Diaz.” He teases and Eddie can’t help himself but smile too.

“Almost late makes a big difference.” Eddie emphasises, quickly changing his clothes. Buck only rolls his eyes. When they’re both ready, they go upstairs and greet their coworkers. The blonde goes to the coffeemaker and he pours two cups of coffee—one for him and one for Eddie—and he hands it over to his friend. They sit on the couch as usual; their arms and thighs pressed together as if there’s any free space left.

“Uh, I’ve got news.” Buck says and waits until everyone pays attention to him. “TK’s coming to LA this weekend.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Do you mean the TK with whom you stole the fire truck and who you were flirting with?” Chim asks curiously.

Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee.

Was Buck really flirting with that kid from Austin? Sure, he noticed that dumbass and dumbasser hit it off very quickly but it wasn’t something unusual—Buck was so sweet and easygoing, it was almost impossible to not like him.

“I wasn’t flirting with him! I just invited him to LA! And besides, he has a boyfriend. Who is coming with him, by the way.” Buck explains; he’s slightly embarrassed, Eddie can tell, because his cheeks are more pink than usual. Again, why would he feel embarrassed if he wasn’t flirting with TK?

Maybe he was flirting but he just doesn’t want to admit that? Whispers a very annoying voice in Eddie’s mind. He tries to silence it.

“That’s amazing! Is that captain Strand’s son? You should come by the station with them, I want to meet them.”

Bobby’s voice pulls him away from his thoughts.

“Sure, I was actually thinking… Maybe we can have a night out together? As a team?” Buck suggests. “TK says he can’t wait to meet all of you guys.”

“Fantastic idea. I’ll ask him if youʼre bluffing.” Chim quips. Eddie has a strong urge to strangle him.

And then it hits him. Buck was talking with TK earlier, in the changing room. It was definitely TK.

The jealousy is eating him alive. Sure, Strand may have a boyfriend but is it really that big obstacle? Women were flirting with him when he was still married to Shannon; they’ve pretended not to see his wedding ring and ask him out anyway.

Oh, shit. What if he will be the witness of Buck flirting with TK? He’s not sure he can handle that. How will he react? What if he will finally blow up and say something he’s not meant to? He shouldn’t tempt fate and just stay at home instead of going out with the 118 and TK. He decides to gently decline the offer and thinks about a good excuse—he could easily use Christopher as a reason to not go with the team—and Buck would totally understand it.

When he finally opens his mouth to say something, the bell rings. Of course.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The whole friendship thing between Buck and TK is bothering him so much, he can’t even fully focus on the job. He’s so distracted that Bobby asks him if he’s okay. He shrugs his shoulders and lies that he’s completely fine. What would he say anyway? That he’s in love with his best friend who doesn’t love him back and he’s probably into another, very cute firefighter? No, this is already pathetic as it is. No need to embarrass himself more. When they’re back at the station, he’s almost on the edge. He needs to find out more, even if it causes him more pain.

He quietly follows Buck to the kitchen and when they crash on the couch, he musters up courage to ask him about his relationship with TK.

“I didn’t know you and TK were such close friends.” He says, trying to sound playful, teasing.

Buck sighs heavily.

“Oh, come on, man, you too?” He groans and shoots Eddie kind of an annoyed look. “Yes, we’re close and it’s nice to have a friend outside of the 118. And we’re just friends. No flirting, no hook ups. Besides, I’ve mentioned he has a boyfriend who will be there with us.”

Eddie believes him; he hears honesty in his voice and it makes him a little bit calmer. He feels like he can finally breathe again and—

“I wouldn’t flirt with him anyway even if he was single because I think I might be in love with someone else.”

Eddie swears he can hear his heart shattering on a million pieces. He wasnʼt prepared to hear this, he wasnʼt expected to have a breakdown in the middle of a shift. Buckʼs in love and he didnʼt know about this. How? Who is it?

“What?” Is the only thing he manages to whisper.

“I’m in love with someone.” Buck repeats. It’s very quiet, unsure, almost fragile. Like he’s afraid of Eddie’s reaction, afraid of being open and vulnerable. Afraid of being in love.

It breaks Eddie’s heart even more because the only thing that’s worse than his broken heart, it’s Evan Buckley’s broken heart.

“Oh. Are you... Does this person know about it?” He asks gently, moving a little closer to his best friend. He feels like heʼs been hit by a truck but right now he wants to at least reassure Buck itʼs okay, make him feel better. Thatʼs what friends do anyway. He can have a full breakdown in his own house when heʼll be alone. He starts to pat his back lightly and after a while, he can feel Buck relaxes a bit.

“No...  It’s… Complicated. It’s probably best if I don’t say anything. At least nothing will be destroyed. I canʼt destroy it.” He hears Buck’s muttering. He understands him perfectly; sometimes not telling the truth is just the best option.

Eddie still feels jealousy, he envies the nameless person who Buck loves. He’s trying to shove down his feelings and only focus on his friend to cheer him up.

“You wanna come home with me after the shift? We could make pizza together and watch some movies with Chris.” He proposes. He realizes he said coming home—like it was their home. Not only his and Chris’ but Buck’s too. And it is his home; Buck belongs to the Diaz family anyway.

His invitation instantly lightens up Buck’s mood because he finally looks at him and there’s a small smile dancing on his lips.

“Deal. But only if you stay away from the kitchen, we don’t wanna call 911 to the firefighter’s house. You can wash the dishes.”

“Fine. Whatever you wish.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The rest of the week passes fairly peacefully. They don’t talk again about Buck’s feelings and Eddie successfully pretends he’s not jealous. They joke and bicker as always so it’s fine, it seems like everythingʼs perfect.

It’s Friday—and it means TK and Carlos are coming. Buck has a day off and he’s picking them up from the airport and giving them a quick LA tour. Eddie’s working and so are Hen, Chim and Bobby. It’s a busy shift so they’re definitely not bored; Buck keeps them entertained between the calls—he’s blowing up Eddie’s phone with texts and photos.

Eddieʼs happy that his friend is enjoying his day off, he really is. Of all people in the world, Buckʼs the one who deserves it the most. He wishes heʼd be there with him.

» from Buck: dude, we totally need to take Chris to this museum of space, heʼll be thrilled«

Eddie opens another photo from his friend—this time itʼs Buckʼs selfie whoʼs standing in front of the museum and smiling. It melts Eddieʼs heart because Buck always thinks about Christopher, always includes him in his plans. Despite what Hen says, heʼs aware that theyʼre basically co-parenting Chris; he canʼt pinpoint the exact moment when Buck has become a second dad, it just... Happened.

» to Buck: iʼm in. so museum and sleepover at my house next saturday? i think i need to get my revenge after last time«

Buckʼs response is immediate.

»from Buck: you can keep dreaming, Diaz«

Eddie stifles a laugh when he reads the message. At least, heʼs the one Buck chooses to share even small things with. And at this moment, everything is alright.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

They finally meet at the 118ʼs favourite pub. Eddie went home after the shift to drop Chris at Abuela and change into something nicer. He tried once to say heʼs not going out with them but he quickly changed his mind when he saw the disappointment in Buckʼs eyes. Heʼs quite nervous, though. Despite what his friend said about flirting with TK, the doubt, the uncertainty is still there. He hopes he wonʼt do something stupid. Heʼs the last one to arrive and Buck spots him the second he crosses the threshold. When he reaches the booth theyʼre sitting at, Buck almost jumps out to pull him into a hug.

“Thanks for coming.” He whispers into his ear and Eddie shivers involuntarily.

Then, heʼs crushed by another hug—this time itʼs TK which is a little surprising but Eddie returns the hug. Carlos sticks to the traditional handshake.

“Nice to finally meet the famous Eddie Diaz.” He says fondly. “Weʼve heard about you quite a lot.”

Itʼs quite dark here but Eddie notices Buck blushing anyway. Itʼs cute, he thinks.

“I hope Buck hasnʼt told any embarrassing stories.” He quips.

“Your embarrassing stories are safe with me.” Buck says very seriously, placing his hand on his chest.

“Trusting Buckley with your secrets? Youʼre either brave or stupid. Or both.” Chim laughs, sipping his drink.

“Iʼm telling Maddie. She will kick you off the couch for at least a few nights.” Buck warns him. It piques Carlosʼ interest because he asks a question, looking at the other man.

“Wait, so Chimʼs with your sister? Wow, you guys are really close.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The conversations go as smoothly as the drinks they keep ordering. Eddie feels buzzed and content. Heʼs talking with Carlos about their childhood in Texas. He discovers that they have much in common; itʼs a very pleasant surprise and he feels like they will be very good friends. Bobby already called the night off, saying he needs to go back to his wife—because you canʼt say no to Athena —but Hen and Chim are still there and theyʼre singing karaoke alongside Buck and TK.

Eddie keeps an eye on these two; there was a reason why Judd called them dumbass and dumbasser. Buckʼs also slightly more drunk than him so someone really should check out what heʼs doing. And that is Eddieʼs responsibility. There is definitely no hidden meaning, no other reason to glance from time to time (fine, very often) at the scene.

Itʼs their turn to sing—itʼs Ed Sheeranʼs Give Me Love —and Eddieʼs confident it was Buckʼs choice. He notices how synchronised they are, how they keep sharing casual touches, how they laugh at each other, how they look at each other during the song—

And the jealousy almost throttles him. Because this is something Buck had only with him. Heʼs never been so touchy with Chim or Albert; sure, they have hugged many times but itʼs different with Eddie. Their closeness, lack of personal space was there from the first Eddieʼs day at 118 even when theyʼve been showing off to each other. Itʼs never felt awkward or inappropriate. It was easy, natural, kind of like breathing—something that people do without even thinking about it because itʼs just part of life. Because it was Buck.

Heʼs spiraling. He needs to go outside, somewhere where he wonʼt see Buck and TK together. It doesnʼt even help him that TKʼs boyfriend is right there next to him and he doesnʼt feel annoyed, threatened. He watches them with amusement in his eyes.

“I... I need to go to the bathroom.” Eddie says quietly and he rushes out of the booth before Carlos can say something. In the middle of the road to the bathroom, he changes his mind and goes out of the pub. He needs to take a deep breath, calm down and donʼt let jealousy take over him. Itʼs not like Buckʼs his boyfriend; heʼs allowed to be close with anyone he wants to. He knows that this possessive feelings and fear of being replaced, hurt is probably irrational but it still gets to his head very easily.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

He goes back inside after a while. He orders a beer and sits in the empty booth because apparently Carlos decided to join the rest on the stage. Eddieʼs grateful for that because he doesnʼt have to explain himself, he just can sip his beer in peace.

He doesnʼt notice TK coming to the booth, heʼs too lost in thoughts.

“What are you doing here all alone? Playing a dark, brooding hero?” He hears a very amused voice when TK sits across from him.

Eddie glares at him.

“Iʼm not brooding.” He scoffs. Heʼs definitely not brooding, heʼs just... Thinking. Trying to behave as usual. It would be rude of him to just go home without saying goodbye, right? And Buck would definitely call him to check if everythingʼs alright. Itʼs better to wait a little even if heʼs sitting alone.

“If you say so.” TK shrugs but then, he continues. “You know, thereʼs no need to look at me like you want to rip my head off.”

Eddie opens mouth to say something, to deny it because heʼs sure he didnʼt look at Strand like that but TK doesnʼt let him.

“Dude, donʼt. If looks could kill, I would be already dead when we met in Texas. Well, maybe it wasnʼt that intense back then but tonight you look like you want to strangle me. Thereʼs no reason. I like Buck but heʼs my friend. Just a friend.”

Eddie looks at him like a deer caught in the spotlight. Is he really that easy to read? He feels the blush creeping up in his cheeks; heʼs a little embarrassed because he really didnʼt expect TK to be so perceptive.

“I... How did you know?” He asks, his voice filled with uncertainty. He doesnʼt try to deny it anymore, TK wouldnʼt buy this bullshit anyway.

“Besides that I-wanna-kill-you look? ” TK laughs and then, he takes the water left on the table. “You look at him like the sun shines out of his ass. You were so focused on him that you barely noticed everyone else tonight. If I asked Hen or Chim about it, Iʼm sure they would say this is your normal behaviour. And you kept touching him like...” He trails off for a while, biting his lip. “You know... When I saw you and Buck for the first time, I was sure you two were together.”

Eddieʼs speechless; he’s mindlessly tapping his leg, looking at TK but not really seeing him. He’s silent for a few moments, but TK’s patient, he doesn’t rush him to talk.

“It’s… Complicated.” Eddie sighs heavily. He hasn’t told anyone about it but he doesn’t know if he can keep all of these emotions bottled up any longer. Maybe the fact he’s not entirely sober helps. And the fact it’s TK he’s talking to. “We’re friends. Best friends even. I… You know, he’s been there for me and he’s got my back since the day I arrived at the station. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had and I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with him. I don’t know how and when it happened but it just… Did? The thing is… I was panicking at first, I even tried to get over him by dating Ana. She’s—she was Christopher’s teacher. She was nice and sweet but I’ve kept thinking about Buck even when I was on a date with her. Even when I was kissing her, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It’s embarrassing, I know.”

He’s thankful that TK’s not interrupting him, that he actually pays attention to him. He notices the resemblance between him and Buck. Both of them have a personality of a golden retriever and they tend to do sometimes very stupid and reckless things. But after all, they’re so easygoing and sweet, it’s very easy to love them. Eventually, he goes on with his confession. “You know, I was jealous when I saw you two because you’re awfully… Handsy. You can understand each other without even talking. I know you have Carlos and that you two are serious but… I can’t help it, it’s stronger than me. And I can’t tell him I’m in love, I can’t destroy our relationship. I can’t do it because Chris would lose him too and he’s already lost one parent. Besides, Buck’s in love with someone anyway.”

He ends his monologue and hides his face in his hands. He definitely feels better after saying it out loud but it’s still a little bit awkward.

“And here I’ve thought Judd calls you Hollywood because of the looks but now I’m sure it’s because of how dumb you are.” TK says boldly.

Eddie raises his head to gaze upon his friend. There’s a very amused grin on his face and he looks like he’s refraining himself from laughing out loud.

“You really have no clue, don’t you?” TK asks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at you but it’s so funny how oblivious and blind two people can be.”

Eddie scowls.

“Are you gonna keep mocking me or you’re gonna tell me what you mean?”

“Fine.” TK chuckles. “Have you ever considered that Buck might be in love with you? I know that he told you, not directly, but he told you about it. I guess you didn’t figure it out.”

“He didn’t—” Eddie protests without hesitation but he stops when recalls their conversation after Buck told the team about TK and Carlos coming to LA. He mentioned being in love with someone and not wanting to tell the person about his feelings but Eddie didn’t even think that he could be talking about him. “You sure… He was talking about me?”

He looks at TK with hope; he desperately wants it to be true.

“I’m sure.” The younger man reassures. “He’s in love with you as much as you are. Oh, speaking of the devil.” He mutters, seeing Buck going in their direction.

Eddie rapidly turns his head only to see his best friend settling down next to him. His face is slightly flushed, hair disheveled and there’s a wide smile on his lips.

“Dude, I know you’re into Texans but I think one of them is enough, don’t you think?” He asks TK playfully.

“Don’t worry, Eddie’s all yours.” TK replies, smiling mischievously and he winks at Eddie. “I’m sure Eddie’s more into cute, blue-eyed blondes anyway.”

And then, he flees out of the booth, leaving them both alone. Buck raises one eyebrow, looking suspiciously at his best friend.

“Blue-eyed blondes, huh?” He asks very intelligently. Eddie’s sure his cheeks and neck are red by now and it’s very noticeable.

“Y-Yeah. He’s right.”

“Interesting. Neither Shannon nor Ana were blondes.” Buck points out, his voice very teasing.

“But you are.”

It makes Buck blushing furiously and Eddie thinks it’s the cutest thing he saw this evening. Suddenly, he notices how close they are, how their bodies are pressed together, how blue Buck’s eyes are and how soft his lips are.

“So… You’re into blondes now?” Buck whispers, not tearing his gaze away from him, even for a second.

“Been into for a while now.”

“It’d make everything easier if I knew about this, I’d definitely do this sooner.”

Buck makes the first move and he closes the space between them. He gently brushes his lips like he doesn’t want to overwhelm him. But Eddie doesn’t want to back off. He’s the one who deepens the kiss, he’s the one who slides his tongue into his mouth, causing him to quietly moan.

“Do you think we could sneak off and go to my house maybe?” Eddie asks when they break apart, panting heavily.

“Dude, TK and Carlos are staying at my apartment, I can’t just sneak off.” Buck laughs. “I need to at least give them the keys if I’m not supposed to go back to my place tonight.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Just give them the keys and we can go.” Eddie pouts and he sounds so needy, it makes Buck giggle.

At some point, they get up and approach their friends who’re standing by the bar and ordering new drinks.

“Look who decided to join us!” Hen chuckles and she wants to say something else but she’s cut off by the Chim’s laughing loudly.

“I’m not sure if they are joining or leaving us.” TK smirks and Carlos nudges him softly to not to meddle.

“Actually, we were thinking about leaving if you don’t mind. I can give you the keys to my apartment.” Buck offers sheepishly.

“Just give us the keys, we’ll manage. You can go with your Texan.” TK says but then he adds, pointing a finger in Eddie’s direction. “But I need to meet Christopher before I go back to Austin.”

“I think we can arrange something. Tomorrow afternoon maybe?” Eddie suggests.

“Then we’re all set. Now, stop talking and get a room already!”

When Buck finally gives TK his keys, they say their goodbyes and order an Uber to Eddie’s house.

The ride is quick but quiet. They don’t really talk but the silence between them is not uncomfortable—it’s the opposite of it. They have to talk about their feelings eventually but they know they’ll have the time to do it. They enter the house and the second Buck closes the door, he’s slammed against the nearest wall. Suddenly, they’re kissing again; Eddie pushes his hips forward and it causes Buck to spread out his legs a little bit.

Eddie’s so glad Chris is at Abuela’s house because it means they have the whole night only for themselves—and they can do whatever they want to.

“Bed.” Buck growls when Eddie bites his lip and starts to unbuckle his belt.

“Someone’s impatient.” The older man teases.

“Said the guy who dragged me out of the meeting with our friends to have sex with me.” The blonde replies wryly.

“Just shut up, Buck.”

“Make me.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

Eddie slowly wakes up when the sun peeks through the curtains and shines on his face. His head hurts a little—well, heʼs not in his twenties anymore and he wasnʼt counting his beers last night—and he feels the weight on his chest. He needs a second to register that itʼs Buck; he sleeps very peacefully, completely nestled to Eddie. His headʼs on the place where Eddieʼs heart is, one arm around his waist; thereʼs a gingerish stubble on his cheeks and his blonde curls are perfectly messy. Itʼs a wonderful sight—and he wants to wake up like this every morning... Maybe minus a hangover.

He doesnʼt even notice how long heʼs staring at Buck like that but he doesnʼt really care. Eventually, Buck wakes up too and he raises his head a little. He seems a little confused but the expression disappears when he notices heʼs on top of Eddie and the manʼs grinning.

“Hello, sunshine.” Eddie says and he shifts a little to be able to pull his friend closer to properly kiss him. Itʼs kinda gross because they smell like yesterdayʼs beers and they havenʼt brushed their teeth but neither of them care.

“I assume you do remember last night... No regrets?” Buck asks. His tone is cheery, playful as always but Eddie can see the uncertainty in his eyes.

“Only one. That I was a coward for so long because we could have had it all much sooner.” He answers very seriously, looking directly into Buckʼs eyes. He wants him to believe in every word he says. “I know we hadnʼt exactly talked last night... But I donʼt want this to be a one night stand. Not with you. I want... More. Everything. I mean weʼve already been a couple for quite some time. You practically live in my house, youʼre Chrisʼ second dad and youʼve been my rock since the day weʼve met. We just... Havenʼt done the sexy part of the relationship.”

“Until last night.” Buck points out.

“Yeah... Point taken. So if you want to take it slow, we can take it slow. We can date like people usually do or you can already move in and take my closet, my bed and everything because youʼve already taken my heart.”

“If you think that your offer to move in is getting you out of asking me on a date then you’re terribly wrong, Diaz.” Buck teases and winks at his friend. “You need to romance me a little.”

“God, youʼre such a dork.” Eddie says fondly. He feels so damn happy and content because he can really have everything he wanted.

“You love it.”

“I do. Now, get your ass up. We need to pick up Chris from Abuela at some point. We have dinner with TK and Carlos later.” Eddie sighs because heʼd rather stay all day in bed with Buck—and maybe tell him some of the fantasies he had in his head—but the reality calls anyway.

“Are you sure you want me to pick up Chris with you? I mean, we donʼt have to do it together, I can go to my apartment and—”

“Buck. Iʼm sure. Itʼs not like we havenʼt done this before. I want to tell him about us too. I donʼt want to lie to him because I did it when I dated Ana and it didnʼt end well. Besides, heʼll be thrilled to see us together. Hell, he wants us together. He literally told me last week that I need to buy glasses if I canʼt see that you love me too.”

Buck looks at him with amusement and he laughs heartily.

“Heʼs a smart kid. And he definitely didnʼt get it from his father.”

Eddie scoffs.

“Youʼre really lucky that I love you that much because otherwise you wouldnʼt get away with saying stuff like this.”

Buckʼs smile is almost blinding.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

They get up, eventually. They go to the shower together to “save the time and water” but it turns into another long making out session. They eat breakfast (made by Buck) and they finally go to Abuela to get Christopher.

“Edmundo, youʼre late.” They hear in the second Abuela opens the door. Sheʼs a little surprised to see not only his grandson but also his best friend.

She notices the big ass hickey on Buckʼs collarbone thatʼs exposed because heʼs wearing Eddieʼs Henley and raises her eyebrow.

“Now I understand why youʼre late.” She smirks which causes them to blush. “Anyway, itʼs nice to see you again, Evanito. I hope I get to see you more often.” She adds and then embraces both of them in a hug.

“You will, Abuela, I promise.” Eddie says honestly. He wants to add something but he hears an excited voice from the hallway.

“Dad!” Christopher shouts as he goes to the door to greet Eddie. “Bucky?” He asks when he notices the other man standing next to his dad.

“Hey, Superman!” Buck says, kneeling down to hug the kid.

“I didnʼt know youʼll be there. Are you coming home with us?”

“Yeah, buddy, Iʼm coming with you.”

Christopherʼs smile only gets bigger.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

“Chris? What would you say if Buck were living with us?” Eddie asks when theyʼre at home. Buckʼs making Abuelaʼs famous enchiladas with Christopher (none of the Diaz siblings have gotten the recipe despite asking for it a countless times; Buck asked once and Abuela happily gave it to him) and Eddieʼs only an observer. He loves watching those two interacting, spending time together. He loves how easily Buck has stepped into a co-parent role, how fast and hard he has fallen in love with Chris, how good he is with kids in general. Heʼs amazed by it almost every time he sees them together. He wouldnʼt have found someone better to be with.

“Buckyʼs moving with us? Iʼve thought it wouldnʼt happen!” Chris replies. The corners of his lips are curling into a smile but before it breaks into a full grin, he asks. “But does that mean you are dating and we wonʼt see miss Flores or someone else anymore?”

Buck looks at Eddie with a mischievous smile and mouths told you, heʼs a smart kid.

“Yeah, kiddo, no more miss Flores or any other women. Itʼs gonna be only the three of us.”

It seems to be a very satisfying answer for Christopher—he just nods and goes back to adding all ingredients to the enchilada sauce.

When everything’s almost ready, Christopher goes to his room to change his shirt because he spilled the sauce on it and they are left alone. Eddie doesnʼt waste any time and comes closer to be able to kiss Buck. He thinks it may be a problem to keep his hands off his best friend but they will figure it out too. Eventually.

“I think I can get used to this.” Buck says when they stop to take a breath.

“To what? Cooking with Chris?” Eddie teases.

Buck only huffs but then he smiles anyway because cooking with Christopher is definitely on top of his favourite things to do. “Yep, definitely. He is my favourite Diaz after all.”

“Then Iʼm in second place I guess?”

“You wish. Thereʼs also Abuela and Tia Pepa... Maybe even your sisters.” Buck grins. “You have very strong competition.”

“I think I may have some tricks up my sleeve to change your mind then.” Eddie states and heʼs ready to show them to Buck but the doorbell rings. He sighs heavily. “Guess you just have to wait to see them then.”

“Canʼt wait.”

“Hi Buck. Fancy seeing you here.” TK says with a very wide smile on his lips. “Iʼm guessing last night went well then.”

“Well... Yeah? Thanks to someone who was meddling just a little bit.”

Carlos rolls his eyes but he doesnʼt look even slightly irritated.

“Please, donʼt boost his already big ego, he was talking last night about changing his career to be a matchmaker.”

“Matchmaker?” Buck raises his brow. “Sounds interesting.”

“Carlos, we should really keep our boyfriends apart, itʼs dangerous to let them use their brain cells together. If they even have them.” They hear Eddieʼs amused voice and he appears right behind Buck. The blonde blushes at the word boyfriends. “But come on in, weʼre all ready.”

“We brought a six pack and a gift for Christopher.” Carlos adds, lifting up the beers.

“Oh, Chris will be thrilled. Heʼs already so excited to meet you two.”

“Weʼre excited to meet him too, Buck has told us so many things about Christopher, I feel like I already know him.” TK explains when they go inside.

“Bucky was talking about me?” Christopher peeks in the kitchen shyly. He sounds quite surprised.

“Yes, he did. And itʼs very nice to finally meet you. Buck couldnʼt stop talking about you. He didnʼt even talk so much about your dad I think.”

“Because my dad is very boring sometimes and heʼs all grumpy.” Christopher shrugs, looking apologetically at his dad. “Sorry dad but thatʼs the truth.”

“When did you become so sassy, huh? But I guess youʼre right. But... This is TK and this is Carlos.” Eddie introduces his friend to his son.

“And we know youʼre very interested in space so we got you a little gift.” Carlos adds, handing Chris over a package.

“Thank you.” Christopher says simply and puts it on the floor to unpack. “Whatʼs this?” He asks curiously.

“Oh, let me help you unpack it but maybe not here? We don't want to make a mess now.” Carlos proposes and Chris immediately agrees.

They go to the living room together and Buck sees with how much fondness TK looks at them.

“Carlos seems pretty good with kids.”

“He is. Heʼs fantastic. Maybe one day weʼll think about it.” TK replies thoughtfully.

“Oh, really? You two would be amazing dads.” Eddie says honestly, putting up the plates on the table. TK looks a little stunned.

“Never really thought about it too much earlier. But, anyway, howʼs my favourite couple? Because you two are a couple now, right?” TK eyes both of them carefully.

“Buckʼs moving in. Donʼt know when yet but Iʼm planning to make it as soon as we can.” Eddie announces proudly.

“Wow you really donʼt waste your time. So should we expect an invitation for the wedding next year?” TK laughs.

“... Maybe?” They both reply in sync.

“Well, weʼre doing it backwards. We started by raising Christopher together instead of just simply dating each other. So maybe we should marry each other soon. Iʼd marry him even now.” Buck states and winks at his boyfriend.

“Something tells me that the 118 would be mad at us for weeks. If they wouldnʼt kill us first for not inviting them to the wedding.” Eddie points out.

“I hate that youʼre right. They would totally kill us. But dinnerʼs ready and boys are probably starving so letʼs feed them first.”

The dinner is excellent, the conversation goes smoothly and Chris talks about his gift—an International Space Station Lego set—with so much excitement, they donʼt even dare to interrupt him. Buck and TK even offer to help him build it later. They eat a dessert and then, Eddie and Carlos settle on the couch, beers in hands and Buck and TK sit on the floor alongside Christopher and they discuss how to build the space station. Eddie canʼt tear away his gaze from Buck who looks so happy and excited to play with his—their —son and agrees to everything Christopher says.

“You two really fit together.” Carlos says quietly because he doesnʼt want to distract boys from work. “And Iʼm glad you were able to finally talk about your feelings. I must admit, I was pretty invested in your story when TK was talking about it. I really hoped you two would figure it out somehow.”

“Can you believe I was really jealous yesterday? I was sure Buck and TK were flirting and.. God, I was so mad at you for a second why you donʼt even react, why are you so cool about it. And... Yeah, I was stupid because I was sure he was into TK.” Eddie sighs because heʼs still embarrassed about it, he still canʼt believe he was so anxious that Buck might be in love with someone else.

“Oh, you probably havenʼt seen the way he looks at you. Itʼs really something. And TK was really invested in—and I quote—bringing these two lovesick idiots together. They were never flirting. Not seriously at least.”

“Yeah, I know... I... I really hope heʼll be happy with me. But Iʼve heard your relationship is getting more serious.”

“Yeah, well... We live together now so itʼs a pretty big step for both of us. We havenʼt killed each other so Iʼm taking it as a good sign. I donʼt know whatʼs next. Maybe a wedding but I need to be sure TK will say yes and wonʼt freak out about it.” Carlos sighs, knowing that TK may be still cautious about the whole wedding thing but he definitely wants to try it anyway.

“He mentioned earlier something about you two having a kid so I think heʼs taking it very seriously too.” Eddie reassures him.

They both look at his boyfriends who are completely focused on building a space station with Christopher and itʼs very heart-warming sight. “I donʼt think he would say something like that if he didnʼt mean it. Besides, heʼs a lot like Buck and I bet he loves kids as much as him. And I need to add that Christopher is not really a kid who trusts easily but he clearly has so much fun with TK. I wouldnʼt worry too much if I were you. You two really fit together too.”

“Yeah, we do. TK was annoyingly stubborn at first and he didnʼt want to admit that itʼs more than just a hookup. Now weʼre living together.” Carlos laughs, looking softly at TK who sticked out the tip of his tongue and visibly tries to concentrate. “I must say, this is a really nice trip. Glad I could meet TKʼs friends and just... Let myself relax a little bit. Something tells me ifʼs not our last visit in LA, though.”

“I bet.” Eddie hums in agreement. “You can visit LA as many times as you want to. We will probably visit you in Texas too. I have to properly introduce Buck to my family one day so we can definitely do a quick trip to Austin then.”

“Weʼll be happy to see you. Captain S—Owen—will be thrilled to see you. He was disappointed he couldnʼt go with us, he wanted to see Hen again and meet your captain.”

“Yeah, he was whining all the time since we told him weʼre going to LA.” TK adds suddenly. Heʼs still focused on building the space station but Carlos and Eddie stopped talking quietly and now he hears what theyʼre saying. “Mateo was disappointed too, he wanted to visit his cousin. Marvin? Or something like that.”

“We can organise something bigger so everyone can be there.” Buck agrees. “Eds, we should definitely tell Bobby about it. I donʼt care if itʼs here or in Austin, I can definitely organise it.”

“I have no doubts.” Eddie says fondly and then looks at their guests. “You shouldʼve seen him when he organised a Christmas party for us all with help from Athena. We were all working and our kids were so disappointed by it but Buck basically rescued everything. That was really amazing.”

“Really? You didnʼt even mention that!” TK scoffs. “But nice to know, maybe Iʼll hire you to organise my wedding with Carlos since youʼre so good at this stuff.”

“Oh, I donʼt know. Maybe Iʼd work with Carlos because heʼs so sweet and nice but you? I bet youʼll be a bridezilla.”

TK only throws at Buck a piece of Lego in response, followed by the laugh of both Eddie and Carlos.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

Itʼs almost 10pm when TK and Carlos decide to go back to Buckʼs apartment. Christopher already fell asleep but he managed to build the space station with Buck and TK and he was really proud of it, just like both of his helpers.

“Dude, your kid is really amazing. I mean, I donʼt remember the last time when I had so much fun—sorry, babe—and Iʼm really gonna miss him.” TK admits and thereʼs so much honesty in his voice, nobody even questions it.

“Heʼs gonna miss you too, if it helps.” Eddie tells him, grinning softly. “Both of you. But youʼre gonna see him soon. At least I think so.”

“I take your word for it.” TK warns him.

“Well, you can always face time with us.”

TKʼs face instantly lights up and he hugs Eddie.

“I will miss you too, Hollywood.”

Eddie only rolls his eyes.

“Hey, you two big saps, you will see each other tomorrow because weʼre gonna drive you to the airport before our shift.” Buck announces.

“Fineeee.” TK sighs dramatically. “But I think our Uberʼs here so weʼre gonna leave you alone. It was really nice to spend more time with you.”

“Likewise.”

They say their goodbyes eventually and when TK and Carlos are already in the car, Buck takes Eddieʼs hand and smiles widely.

“It was really an eventful 24 hours.” He says.

“It was. Now we only have to prepare ourselves for tomorrowʼs shift. I bet Hen and Chim will be insufferable.”

Buck groans.

“Ugh, they will be. Maybe we should be insufferable too?”

“Buckley, do you have something particular in mind?” Eddie asks, watching his boyfriend carefully. Maybe other people wouldnʼt notice it but heʼs Eddie and he knows Buck too well. He notices that mischievous look in his eyes and heʼs sure Buckʼs up to something.

“I have a few ideas, Diaz.”

“Care to share them with me?”

“Always.”

[chaoticornot]

This is about s05e16 from 9-1-1. Be warned it's almost 700 words.

Is this the episode with the fire? Because then I am scared. I know nobody will die, at least none of the main characters, but I'm still scared. Let them be alright, please.

She annoys me so much. Like, give credit. That was May's call. Dad Bobby. "You mess with MY kid." Shut the fuck up. That's adorable. He didn't promise. That was not the right thing to say, Chim. Eddie's face, haha. He is drinking the tea/ coffee instead of spilling it. That was hilarious. And good for you, May, yell at her. Joss, you hopeless idiot. I do not trust that man. I have never seen you before. Oh no, May is going to be locked in that room, and Eddie will go and try to find her. Shit. Did he just tease Josh about a crush? Eddie, you dog. I hate Claudette with everything I have, and May should slap her. Claudette got a point, but I still don't like her.

Firefighter Eddie Diaz, whoop. Buddie teamwork again this makes me so happy. I am smiling so hard. "He has been waiting months to say that." I love their friendship, aww. Eddie's face when Buck starts rambling. He is like, not the time, not the time. "Don't tell your mother." Haha. 

This is all going too well. I am nervous. Not the exact same way he lost Kevin, oh no. I suspected, oh god. Thank god they are all still alive. I love the immediate look and run from Buck and Eddie. That scene is so beautiful. When they all came walking out of the building. I have tears in my eyes. I love the friendship Eddie has with the dispatchers. "I am just glad you weren't with him." That sentence feels so weird. Because Buck has red eyes and looks like he is going to fall apart any moment, and that has nothing to do with Lucy. That has to do with almost losing Bobby, who is like a father to him. To say that feels like they are minimising that feeling. I hate that line. It makes no sense. Taylor is catching on. Which almost makes it worse. That they made that the focus instead of Buck getting a hug or being with Bobby feels very wrong. Like, I don't like Taylor and Buck together, but she knows him well enough to know how much Bobby means to him and for her not to go up to him makes no sense. Even for like a minute. And where was Eddie during all of this? That scene was amazing, but that part kind of ruined it. 

Aw, May and Bobby. Yes, Josh get it. That was being supportive good job Chim. Albert's smile. Buck and Eddie are in the background. What are you doing gentleman? You looking awfully close there. I kinda love that Buck is with Eddie while Taylor is also there. I like how she handled that, that was classy. But it is also clear that she is worried about Buck while also wanting to see how Lucy would react. 

Yeah, that makes no sense. She was up and talking, and I just don't trust him. Poor May. Also, how is it that Bobby and the rest of the crew were in the hospital faster than Claudette? Bobby and May one thing, but the rest, no. It's weird. She is suspicious good. Do we get detective Wilson back? Yess Karen. I think that we need more Karen in this series.

This is a good episode and very action filled, and that is what we need once in a while. I love how May had the focus this episode, and you see how awesome she is. I also need more of her. I am curious if Eddie will go back to 118. He has Christophers blessing. I am a bit scared about what will happen with Jonah next episode.

[lonely-writer]

Don’t Let Go

Day Two of @911readerinsertweek! Today’s prompt is: Angst.

Pairing: None.

Characters: GN! Reader, Maddie Buckley, Evan “Buck” Buckley, The rest of the 118 is mentioned but not named.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Car Accident, Implied Character Death, Blood

Tags: Angst, Gender Neutral Reader, Implied Character Death, Blood, Car Accident, Guilt, Discussion of injuries, Talk of death

It was an accident. 

You keep telling yourself that, you have to keep telling yourself that- it had been an accident. There had been an accident. You were in a car accident. It had all happened so fast that you could barely react or remember. You were going home after getting off of work earlier than expected and the light was green, you knew the light was green because the car on your right had started to go to. The light was green and it was your turn to go so you had started driving and then something hit you. What had hit you? As you try to turn your head and scope out the chaotic scene you are met with an agonizing pain that shoots up your spine, immediately tears begin to sting your vision as you desperately bite back a scream. 

It hurts, oh god everything hurts. 

Pain wracks your body as you force yourself to move- or at least you try to move, there's something keeping you in place and it refuses to move in the slightest bit. Sudden panic begins to surge through you, if you were stuck in your car how would you get out and get to help? Was your car even near the accident? Had you been the only vehicle hit? Was anyone else injured? Would the first responders even be able to find you? Oh god. The first responders- your best friends are first responder and were more than likely on their way to this exact accident. They were going to flip when he saw you. You had been going to surprise them at work- maybe their shifts had ended already. You knew though that you wouldn't be so lucky, especially because it was beginning to get hard to breathe. 

Whatever had you pinned inside of your car was also causing severe pain in your lungs now. Distantly you begin to hear sirens approach, a bystander- or maybe another victim of the accident has made their way to you and is speaking to you. Everything is hurting too much. You still don't know what hit you but now as you hear more and more sirens you're beginning to become worried. The man standing next to your door kneels down to your window- wait, is the car upside down? Since when had you flipped?- and asks your name. You're barely able to slur your own name out and he repeats it into the phone, there's a pause on his end as what you can only assume to be the 911 dispatcher- silently you pray to god it isn't Maddie because if it is Maddie then the guilt that already threatens to swallow you will become unbearable. The man asks you your name again as though he's trying to confirm who you are or maybe he's just trying to keep you awake but it feeds into the fear that your friend is on the other side of that phone taking the call where you are laying in your car potentially bleeding to death because something-everything hurts and you know that you are in fact bleeding because a small trail is finding its way up your body and is slowly dripping on to the roof of your car. 

Tears sting and it hurts to breathe but you get a sob out, you're scared you're going to die, you don't want to die alone- sure there's a stranger here but it won't be the same. God how shitty was that to think? A stranger is trying to get you help survive and yet you can't help but wish that you were with your friends. 

Suddenly the man is ushered away and in his place you can just barely see the face of Buck, "Oh my god, Y/N. Can you hear me?" He asks in concern, you're barely able to register his hands- they're shaking as he checks your pulse and any injuries that he can currently see. 

"Yeah. I can hear you." You state forcing yourself to stay awake even as your body begs you to let go, begs for the sweet relief that unconsciousness will bring, "Hurts." You manage to force out as his hands gently press against your abdomen checking for broken ribs. 

"I know. It's going to hurt some more, okay?" Buck says trying to be as calm as possible given your situation, when he presses against a particularly tender spot you can't help but cry out in pain. "Deep breathes, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He whispers softly and you know that he's trying to be strong but you also know that your injuries are incredibly bad. The rest of the crew is already rushing over but the need to close your eyes is beginning to win, you try to tell Buck that you're sorry. That you can't do it anymore. That you can't keep your eyes open. That it'll be okay. He notices your drooping eyelids and panics, he begins to beg you to stay awake but you can't anymore. 

It was an accident.

[soupiiiie]

I posted 46 times in 2021

36 posts created (78%)

10 posts reblogged (22%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 115 tags in 2021

#brahms heelshire - 19 posts

#slasher x reader - 14 posts

#slasher - 14 posts

#🪨 :steph - 11 posts

#the boy 2016 - 10 posts

#vincent sinclair - 10 posts

#🔪 :slasher - 10 posts

#bo sinclair - 10 posts

#lester sinclair - 9 posts

#brahms x reader - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#im making my boyfriend stay on call with me while i sleep bc i have a very active imagination that likes to torture me

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hi !!! if ur ok with it, could i get a few headcanons of brahms with a transmasc partner? thank u! (≧∇≦)

Of course >w<

🧶🔨🧃📞♟

brahms would accept you but also be curious

you'd teach him about everything and he'd be so patient and nice when listening

too scared to ask questions but will hint at things he wants to know about

since he was raised in a very proper household, he wouldn't know what a lot o things are and most likely wouldn't want to be rude and make you leave

he was expecting a nanny like the rest but wasn't mad when you showed up

as long as you treat him right and take care of him, he's happy

will tell you sweet things and make you feel safe when feeling dysphoric

he doesn't like seeing his lover sad or upset

he doesn't treat you any differently other than wanting to know about stuff and doing the lil head tilt whenever he hears or sees something he doesn't know

🧶🔨🧃📞♟

i hope you like ! :)

64 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 23:26:47 GMT

#4

What if Brahms found out the reader is a vampire? And after a while the reader told Brahms that she wants to turn him into a vampire like her because she loves him and doesn't want to lose him because of age or anything else, how would he react?

(if he agrees, when he turns into a vampire, all his stains from the fire will disappear)

🧶🔨🧃📞♟

I love this. He would definitely be down to be a vampire, but maybe a little reluctant because he doesn't believe in them. You'd have to show him and prove to him that you're real.

"Brahms, I promise i'm telling the truth. Look, I'll prove it." You then proceed to make your fangs visible. Brahms gasped but isnt afraid. He pokes them to make sure they're real. "See, I told you I was telling the truth."

Once you turn him, he thinks it is so weird that he's dead... but 'alive'. He doesn't want to drink blood prissy bitch but will eventually suck it up (see what i did there) .

"Now you can be mine forever. For real."

🧶🔨🧃📞♟

(i felt that this ask fit this style of answering. i like it buuutttt i might refine it to fit me more)

99 notes • Posted 2021-11-06 10:19:29 GMT

#3

Maybe headcannons for bakugo, kiri, and another character of ur choice for a reader w/acne? There’s not enough love for acne havin folks :(

a/n I love this request so much. I hope i did it justice <3

Bakugo

- Anytime you feel down about your acne and it impacts your self-esteem, he immediately gives you kisses all over your face

- Hates loves skincare routines with you even though he won’t say it

- Constantly tells you that he doesn’t mind your acne because he doesn't

- He thinks it hilarious when he walks into the dorm kitchen and sees you making a random concoction of stuff for your skin

- You try to get him to stop eating chips because you don’t want him to get acne as well

- Never says anything bad about your skin to his friends or you

- Will call you names to make fun of you but you both know he doesn’t mean it

Kirishima

- Like Bakugo, he LOVES doing skincare with you because to him it’s manly’

- Listens to you when you say not to eat greasy food

- Likes kissing every single inch of your face while you’re asleep even though you’re secretly awake

- Goes out to buy you whatever acne wash you ask for

- Complains when you wear a lot of makeup to cover it up, even though he thinks you look beautiful, but because he thinks it covers your natural beauty

- If you ask him to only drink water with you, he will in a heartbeat because he doesn’t want you to do it alone

Deku

- I personally think that Deku would have stretch marks from bulking up so quickly

- In turn, you would both cater to each other’s insecurities and would bond over it

- Will help you make different mixtures for acne and scarring

- Would gladly be your test dummy for makeup bc you break out easily

- If you feel particularly insecure one day, he will give you a spa day so you feel better

- Light butterfly kisses™

- Eats healthy with you because he doesn’t want you to be left out although you have designated cheat days which he kinda approves of

105 notes • Posted 2021-03-07 20:45:27 GMT

#2

Wanting - Brahms x gn! reader

Genre: hurt / comfort / fluff / angst

Pronouns: they / them

Words: 1.5k

Requested by @riverxxxo

Warnings: self harm (punching legs), wound, blood, mentions words cut and stab

It was a muggy day at the Heelshire Mansion, the wind was blowing rapidly against the windows, leaves being thrown about, and rain lightly pittering on the roof. There was said to be a big storm coming that would last for a few days. Y/n and Brahms were sitting in the parlor, watching an old movie on tape on the only t.v. in the whole house, the crackly audio being the only sound coming from within the house. Brahms had agreed that the rules could be bent today for them to watch a few movies and read together. They both had a mutual infatuation with each other but were both too shy to say so. Brahms wanted them to stay forever, and believed that they were going to, no matter what. Y/n knew that they couldn’t leave him, they had grown to love the mysterious man in the walls and hadn’t wanted to leave anyways. There was nothing for them outside of the house, this was where they felt safe.

After the movie, the pair stood up and began heading to the upstairs hall for bedtime. Breathing shakily, y/n decided that they were going to make a move, they were going to initiate the hopeful relationship. Praying that Brahms felt the same towards them, they were tired of waiting for him to make the first move. As they got to the hall, they gently grabbed Brahms’ arm to stop him. He turned around with a slight head tilt, confused as to why he was halted. They looked up at him and stepped closer, gently caressing the side of his masked face and leaned in to kiss the cold porcelain lips of the mask. Brahms' hands gently grabbed their waist, wanting them to be closer. Y/n’s hands held his face as they rested their forehead against his, breathing in each other's scent. Slowly creeping their hands around the back of his head to the string holding the mask onto his face, they lifted it over his head and began to slip the mask off of him. Brahms quickly jolted back, grabbing y/n’s wrist with his right hand, a small whimper coming from them, and holding the mask to his face with the other. “Why!?” his voice boomed from his chest. He was furious, thinking that he could trust that they understood that he was insecure about his scars that he tries so hard to forget about.

“I-I’m sorry.. Please let g-go Brahms.” Y/n was shaking, knowing how bad he can be when he’s angry, they didn’t want to anger him anymore than he already was. With one swift motion, Brahms let go and shoved past y/n, walking heavily into his room and into the walls where he went quiet. Y/n slowly stood from the floor and noticed the blood seeping through their shirt where a small statuette had stabbed them when they fell. Holding their side, they ran to their room and quickly locked both the closet and main door in case Brahms came out. They went to the bathroom and began treating their wound, not realizing that they had been crying this whole time. Tears ran relentlessly down their face as they realized the weight of what they had done. All the trust that had built up between the two of them had been ripped away in an instant.

Brahms had run off to his loft with haste, throwing the mask onto his bed, he felt all of the anger he had, burn up into sadness and regret. The look on y/n’s face when he spoke was enough to make him drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness but he was too caught up in the moment to notice. He felt betrayed by them, he had been too afraid to take off the mask and not at all ready in the slightest, and they thought that they could rush it and do it themselves? He was confused, sad, angry, but slightly relieved. Was that their way to tell him that they loved him like he loved them. He hoped that once he calmed down and understood what he was feeling, they would still love him.

A small sob ripped him from his thoughts, he had calmed down and was now only feeling bad for running away and yelling at y/n. He silently made his way to y/n’s room and peered through the wall to see them on their bed with their head in hands sobbing. Brahms noticed a red patch at their side and wondered what it was. Had they been bleeding? How? His thoughts were interrupted yet again when they lifted up their shirt to reveal the wound that was now caked with dried blood and needed to be bandaged. He watched as they cleaned it off with peroxide and placed a big bandage over it, wrapping it around themselves to secure it. He crept into the hall only to see a small statue with blood on one side, this was where they fell. Brahms’ head buzzed with the fact that he hurt them, he made them bleed. The thought of it made him sick, he loved them, how could he hurt someone he loves. He made his way back to his loft, crying silently at the thought of y/n crying because of him.

🧶🔨🧃📞♟

It had been a few days, the wound on y/n’s side had gotten smaller and been healing. They were now cleaning Brahms' childhood bedroom when they heard whimpers coming from below them. Worried, they sat still and waited to hear it again before reacting. Upon hearing it a second time, they crawled into the door in the closet they knew led to Brahms loft room. It was time they spoke to him, they needed to talk about what happened. Y/n didn't want anything to change between them, they didn’t want Brahms to avoid or ignore them. They cherished their relationship and wanted to apologize for what they did.

After walking through the walls for about 10 minutes, they found Brahms room, the whimpering had gotten louder and they knew that he wasn’t doing well. They stood in the doorway, grunts and whimpers could be heard feet in front of them. Y/n stepped forward and saw Brahms hunched over and repeatedly punching himself in the thighs. From the force he was putting into the punches, there had to be bruises forming. Y/n didn’t know it but he had been doing this since he saw them bleeding. They slowly walked towards him, careful not to make noise to scare him. He saw their sock clad feet and sat up straight but didn’t look them in the eye. “Brahms… w-what’s wrong?” They spoke softly. Brahms sniffed and looked up at them slowly, his face was rid of the mask giving y/n a perfect view of his scar littered mug. They saw all the hurt and raw emotion in his eyes, showing that he was deeply hurt and sorry for what he did. Although y/n didn’t see it as anything terrible, just a cut, Brahms felt like the worst person in the world. He hurt the one person who’d be with him forever.

“I hurt you. So I hurt myself. Fair.” Brahms' voice was a mixture of a childs and a mans. He was trying his best not to break down right there in front of them.

“Hey, it’s okay, please don’t hurt yourself,” They took a seat next to him and slowly rubbed his back, “I’m okay, it was only a cut, you didn’t mean to do it.” Y/n used a soft voice that they used when saying goodnight to Brahms, he found comfort in this and took a deep breath. Leaning into their touch, he turned towards them and leaned for a hug. Y/n accepted this and wrapped their arms around his trembling frame. They squeezed him tightly, wanting him to know that they forgive him. Brahms buried his face into y/n’s neck, breathing in the calming smell of them. They were his home, they were where he felt safest. Y/n felt the same, they wanted to be in Brahms’ arms forever.

After what felt like forever of savoring the moment, the two parted but stayed close. Staring at each other with what could only be described as love. Y/n grasped Brahms’ face, he melted into their hands and slowly leaned down towards them. They met in the middle, lips gently grazing one anothers. All of the pent up emotion brewing between the two had been released. They clumsily grasped at one another, Brahms’ hands finding themselves at y/n waist and neck, pulling them close. Y/n’s hands holding Brahms’ face as close as they can. They were gripping each other as if their life depended on it. With heavy breaths, they pulled away, resting foreheads to one another, basking in the moment for as long as they could.

“I love you.” Brahms had whispers under his breath, needing with every bone in his body for them to say it back.

“I love you too.” Y/n hushed back, wrapping their arms around the relived and blissful Brahms, holding him tight.

That night, for the first and certainly not the last time, Brahms fell asleep happy, utterly and truly happy. Holding one another, they slept soundly in the walls of the Heelshire Mansion, not to be bothered.

228 notes • Posted 2021-11-02 21:44:28 GMT

#1

Living with / Dating Brahms would include

a/n this is my first time writing for Brahms. I've been hyperfixated on him for about a week now and today it was very strong so i decided to write again. I'm very surprised with how much i wrote but i am proud. Anywho, enjoy :)

Very Clingy… like all the time. You go to the kitchen, he’s coming out of the pantry wall. You’re emptying the traps, he’s staring at you through the windows and various peeking holes he has. Privacy does not exist for to this fella.

No more showering by yourself, he needs to be bathed by you or he won’t bathe at all. Although he will not wash himself, he will occasionally help to wash you. Scaring you almost every time he grabs the sponge and starts washing your back.

He learned what face masks were and will only do them about once every 2 months but you have to cut out the part where his scar is because it gets irritated easily.

I believe that his parents didn't help care for his burns so they haven't healed well. For that reason, he is very hesitant to let you help care for the burns. You put some medicated creams on them that make them not hurt and he kisses you all over your face.

CUDDLES ALL THE TIME. Since he is so clingy, you guys cuddle all the time. At first, he was hesitant to hold you in fear that you would be scared of him or push him away. After showing him that you don’t mind cuddles, that was all the answer he needed to jump into bed with you and hold you all night. That was the best sleep he had gotten in 20 years.

Although he expects you to do everything for him, he learns after a while (and a couple arguments) that he also needs to do things to help out. He starts by being your assistant in the kitchen and you both learn that he is a very good cook. Then he helps out with cleaning and tidying. He doesn’t like it that much but he gets to spend time with you and even go outside so he’ll do it anyways.

This man does not know how to shave. Period. You show him how to trim his beard and chest hair. You even do it for him the first couple of times but soon tell him that he has to do it himself (even though he makes you stand in the bathroom with him while he does it).

He lets you leave the house to go shopping for clothes and food that Malcolm doesn't bring, once a month. He tells you what he likes to wear and if he doesn’t like something, he will let you know immediately. He likes to wear neutral colors like tans and brown. He does have a couple pairs of sweatpants that you got him as pajamas that he wears all the time.

You read to him when he’s upset because it’s the only way to make him not be a total asshole to you. He loves you very much but when he’s upset or jealous, it’s best to let him roam the walls and stay your separate ways.

Fixing the holes in his cardigan. He loves that green cardigan and wears it all the time (even when its hot). You don’t mind though because it looks hot on him.

He trusts you but still wears the mask most of the time around you, besides sleeping, showering and eating.

I saw from another person that they head cannon that he does not sit still when eating and I 100% believe that. One minute you set down his plate of food and turn around for a napkin and he’s gone. He’s off wandering the walls and chewing. You hear his loud footsteps through the library and then the parlor. When he’s done though, he always comes back and tells you it was good and puts his plate in the sink.

729 notes • Posted 2021-10-30 04:54:40 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[blockadebilly]

anyway something to consider as you are circling back to write another post - lawsuit specific fic ---- as it is the one thing the fandom will reliably fall back on ---- and that is how the fandom is generally very good at acknowledging one character’s trauma to the detriment of other existing traumas.

first and foremost being that these are all emergency responders, and as such are all probably suffering from moral injury in conjunction with their PTSD --- few first responders escape without one or the other, and often both. first responders don’t get adequate time or resources to recover from one individual trauma, let alone each and every that they have to deal with, and they have to deal with a lot, and to little resolution. it’s a lot for anyone’s emotional bucket to hold. what’s more ( and more important in this context ) than that, the other members of the 118 each have their own trauma to contend with, unrelated to the job, that plays into this situation specifically: Bobby, with the deaths of his family; Hen, who was abandoned by her father & who has mentioned difficulties in being raised by a single mother; Chim, who was abandoned by his father & who watched his mother die of cancer, as well as the loss of Kevin; Eddie, who has an emotionally complicated relationship with his own parents & an estranged wife he watched die.

the point: they’ve all got their own compounded traumas, and specifically all have issues revolving around family & abandonment, and that lends to decisions regarding behavior around those they consider family and situations they might consider abandonment. there’s not an inherently proper way to respond to these circumstances. ( also, this idea that the team just abandoned Buck to his recovery isn’t necessarily true, it’s got more to do with what they’ve chosen to show us on screen, and the reality of that is they focused on Eddie visiting Buck as a lead in to the tsunami arc as well as to affirm the intimacy of their friendship rather than, i think, a deliberate point at making the rest of the team seem like they don’t give a shit. )

it also needs to be taken into consideration that in the episodes themselves, the team doesn’t just abandon or decide to take out their problems on Buck, despite the way it’s often portrayed by fandom. Hen reaches out to Buck of her own accord, and Chim makes jabs at Bobby for the way he’s handling his feelings regarding Buck’s accident & resultant complications. as for Eddie, he’s not reaching out specifically because of the lawsuit --- he was told that he couldn’t, and so he doesn’t even though it’s implied he wanted to, and this is on top of all of the compounded trauma in his personal life that he isn’t properly dealing with ( which is another thing entirely, and we all collectively know he’s not appropriately dealing with it but that really isn’t anyone but Eddie’s fault at any point, either. ) Bobby himself is reacting because he’s still trying to parse out his own guilt, both for the ladder truck bombing specifically, but also at his issues with the loss of his wife & kids, to which he also still feels responsible. it’s not often considered his perspective of fear of losing someone else he was supposed to protect --- and while i will tend to agree it was something of an overreach, and it’s something that would have been solved with real actual communication, something these people tend to lack in earnest, it doesn’t make it less of a trauma fueled reaction, same as Buck’s, but he’s given less leeway for it because it’s not considered a favorable trauma response ( and it’s not considered favorable because it doesn’t work in favor of the fandom’s favorite, to be frank. ) never at any point is it implied that any of these people are harassing Buck after he comes back, or ignoring him out of malice, and frankly, anyone outside of the immediate group that we recognize as the core 118 kind of has a right to be distant with the man that they don’t necessarily know on an intimate level anyway, especially after he just sued the department and they have no context for the situation.

and it’s not that Buck’s trauma doesn’t absolutely take a part in his decision to file the lawsuit, because it’s very much that response driving his impulsive decision, but it’s often enough not taken into consideration how everyone else’s trauma plays into their response to his filing. a majority of the time, these fics tend to be from the perspective of feeling bad for Buck and demonizing the team, when realistically the perspective needs to be somewhere in the middle because it’s not a clean cut situation. the fandom hyper - sympathizes with ( read: tends to woobify ) Buck without taking into consideration that he is an unreliable narrator inherently, and that just because he feels a certain way doesn’t make it the reality of the situation. 

[florenceandthemachine]

(my @911giftexchange contribution for @brcttshvghes!!) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han, Bobby Nash, Athena Grant Additional Tags: First Kiss, Christmas, Secret Santa, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining

Last Christmas, Eddie had—as Hen would put it—his ‘oh’ moment.

No, it wasn’t when Buck had thrown himself into action to help some random dad see his daughter sing for Christmas.

No, it wasn’t when Eddie caught Buck trying to sneak extra presents (for he and Christopher both) under the Diaz tree.

No, it wasn’t even when some random elf had complimented Buck on his “beautiful family”.

Eddie’s ‘oh’ moment came when Athena announced that she was saving them all from themselves, when he walked into the firehouse loft and saw his kid standing there, beaming like a megawatt spotlight, smiling not only up at his dad but at Buck; and suddenly things clicked into place. Buck had set all of this up, and sure, it was for the whole house... but it was also for him. Buck had done this all, for him. He had Chris in his arms, he had Buck by his side, and Eddie realized—not for the first time, but for the first time with this level of severity—that this was exactly what he wanted, for the rest of his life.

Forever.

Hence the ‘oh’ moment.

(Hen had suggested calling it his ‘no fucking shit, you clueless moron’ moment instead. Eddie had politely declined.)

--

The ‘oh’ moment was one thing. The ‘oh’ moment was great.

Afterward, though, afterward everything was kind of sucky.

Valentine’s Day was rough. Watching Athena lock up a newlywed couple together, that was fun, sure, but seeing Buck with Ali? That was... literal torture.

--

The tsunami sucked. The bomb sucked.

The lawsuit, that really fucking sucked.

But pulling Buck into his arms underneath some shitty Halloween decorations, being back together again, that... that was almost worth it.

Even if he had to watch Buck bat his eyes at Taylor Kelly a few days later.

--

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Hen had asked the next month, sprawled out over the couch in the loft, idly kicking Eddie’s thigh as he groaned, full of Bobby’s turkey and homemade cranberry sauce.

“And risk it all?” Eddie had asked, long since beyond the point where he wanted to even pretend that he didn’t know what Hen was talking about.

And when Abby reappeared in Buck’s life with a fiancée and two stepchildren, Eddie knew staying quiet was the right idea. He wouldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk it.

--

“Hey, Eds, hand me another nail?”

So now here he was, almost a year later (“A full year of pining, Eddie, seriously, if you don’t say something by New Year’s—“ “I hate you, Hen.”), staring at Buck’s ass as he struggled to hang another loop of garland haphazardly throughout the station.

After a moment of hesitation, he did as he was asked, sighing as he held up another couple of tacks that Buck could push into the wall. “Why are you even doing all of this, Buck? I don’t know if you noticed, but the station was already decorated.” Eddie said with a hum, leaning back against the wall as he looked up to Buck, not-so-subtly admiring the way Buck’s entire body reacted as he laughed.

“Please, it looked like Pottery Barn threw up in here. We needed something other than stark white garland and red ornaments, Eds.” Buck descended down the step ladder and stepped back to admire his handiwork as Eddie looked around the station—as much as he hated to admit it, Buck was absolutely right. The station had been decorated by what looked like the night crew after one too many cups of coffee; too clean, too pristine, all glittering white garland neatly tacked up to every corner with a giant red bauble tacked at every intersection.

Needless to say, once Buck had gotten through with things, it was... definitely far from a professional looking decor job. Buck had rigged up huge wreaths made of fake garland and bows made out of giant, floppy, silver and gold ribbon, and hung them all over the station.

He had all but stapled his hand to the wall hanging up Christmas lights—the old, slowly blinking type, on the thick green cord, the type where if one light went out they all went out. There were twinkling, colorful lights all over the walls, mounds of fake snow around the staircase, big, fake poinsettias all over the kitchen.

At some point in time, while Hen and Chim were passing time upstairs in the loft and Bobby was stuck in his office doing paperwork, Buck had even rigged up his iPhone to play Christmas carols over the entirety of the station PA system (“Don’t worry, Eddie, calls will still come through and cut out over the alarm,” Buck had assured him, and Eddie was struck, not for the first time, with pride as he realized how much planning Buck really put into things like this).

The station was a mess, honestly. It was a jumbled, disorganized, chaotic explosion of Christmas. The station had gone from Pottery Barn to looking like a Yuletide grenade had gone off.

Eddie loved it.

“There! All finished. Back up, Eddie, I’m coming down.” Eddie blinked as he was jerked back into the present, standing back to admire the latest (and apparently the last) wreath that Buck had woven on the wall, acutely aware of the closeness that he and Buck shared as Buck beamed up at his handiwork.

He managed to look away from Buck’s smile—glowing didn’t even begin to cover it—right as Buck turned to look at him, clearing his throat. “Alright, Buck, what gives? Not that I’m mad about the extra decor you’ve doused the place with, but this is even bigger than what we did last year. There another surprise party that I’m supposed to be aware of?” Eddie asked, smiling as Buck threw his head back and laughed.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Buck started, looking over his shoulder as he folded up the ladder, heading back through the gym to the utility closet. “We’re still on for Christmas dinner at the station with everyone’s family, and unless Hen or Bobby has something else planned—because let’s face it, Chim would forget it was Christmas all in all if Maddie didn’t remind him—that’s all that we’re doing as a station. I just figured we needed as much holly-jolly as we could this year.”

His words were innocent enough, but Eddie had known Buck for years now, and the last year had been spent watching Buck a little more… closely than usual. So he knew that Buck’s innocent smile was just a shade on the wrong side of sneaky, how his words were carefully chosen so he wouldn’t be technically lying. Buck was smart—seriously, Eddie didn’t understand how people always forgot that—and they were the kind of things that Eddie would have missed if he wasn’t so… invested.

Sure. Invested. That was the right way to think about it.

“Hey, Eds,” and damn, a nickname shouldn’t bring him that much joy, “can you open the closet up for me?” Buck asked, the smile on his face seemingly innocent as Eddie rose a brow, stepping around him and just taking the ladder from his hands, pushing the door open behind him, not missing the look of surprise on Buck’s face.

“Wait, Eddie—no, I can—“

“Buck, it’s a step ladder, it’s no big deal. Did you take anything else out of the closet, or was it just this?”

“Well no, but it’s just that—“

Before Buck could continue his protest, the Christmas carols died out throughout the station, the siren blaring in its place, and for a split second, Buck looked absolutely crushed, which was weirder than anything else Eddie had witnessed that morning, because Buck loved going out on calls.

The moment was gone in a heartbeat, but it still made Eddie’s mind reel as they darted off to their lockers to suit up, mind racing with questions as Buck was all laughs with Hen as Chim got behind the wheel.

Something was up, and Eddie was going to find out what… even if the day had other plans.

--

There were two ways that shifts around the holidays were destined to go. Either the 118 would be dead quiet, or the crew would be completely dead on their feet.

Unfortunately, today seemed like it would be the latter.

No sooner than they had been cleared from their first call of the day did another roll in, and then another, and then another, to the point where the only time that Eddie had to text his kid was between calls, and the 118 was probably trapped in their turnout gear for a good five hours without a single break.

Buck, to the surprise of absolutely no one, only grew more and more alive with every save—he had an absolute knack for riding the rush that came with the job, and by the time they finally pulled back into the 118, Buck and Eddie couldn’t have been in a more different place in their lives.

“Alright, six calls in five hours. I think I’ve earned a fucking nap.” Eddie grumbled as he slid out of his designated spot next to Buck in the ladder truck, barely even waiting to get to the rack on the wall before he started pulling his turnout gear off, impatiently tugging at his sleeves and kicking his boots off before he bothered to even loosen anything.

While the sound of Buck’s laugh behind him certainly raised his spirit, he still pouted as Buck sauntered up beside him, easily removing his own jacket and boots and hanging them up with a certain sense of maturity that Eddie couldn’t muster at the moment. “Come on Eddie, a nap? Did you turn fifty while I wasn’t looking?” Buck asked, the teasing tone of his voice bringing a smile to Eddie’s face as he shoved Buck’s shoulder playfully.

“Just because you can keep up with Chris’ special blend of all night holiday nonsense doesn’t mean we all can, Buck.” Eddie started, rolling his shoulder as he hung his turnout coat back up. “Right now, he’s probably running Carla through literally every last strip mall in the state, trying to find a perfect present for our Buck, and… uh.” Eddie cut himself off, far too late, cheeks pinking up as he clamped his jaw shut.

He feared the worst for a moment when Buck looked at him with stars in his eyes, thinking that his slip hadn’t gone unnoticed, and he had to work to hide his sigh of relief when Buck grinned. “He’s getting me a gift? I mean, I know he doesn’t have to, and you know he doesn’t have to, but… fuck, Eds, I’m all excited now. Okay. Forget it. Anyway, come on. I want to completely obliterate you in Mario Kart.”

Eddie sighed softly, his smile big and dopey on his face as Buck got himself all excited, shaking his head as he kicked off his boots, finally leaving his gear behind. “Buck, if you think I’m going to add insult to injury and let you completely wipe the floor with me, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Fine, then you don’t have to play. You can just hang around and bask in my awesome.” Buck said, his effort at being nonchalant almost going over Eddie’s head, just barely catching the sidelong glance that Buck shot him while he was re-lacing his work boots.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment as he watched Buck’s shoulders tighten, sighing as he shook his head. “Fine, but you better fucking dazzle me, Buckley.” he said as he started walking to the tiny corner of the bay they had set up as a miniature rec area (a fancy word for three couches and a big-ass television, courtesy of Chim’s baby brother), but not before he saw the abject joy that bloomed over Buck’s face.

As much as he wanted to believe that that much joy could simply come from Buck getting to spend time on a couch with Eddie, he had a sneaking suspicion, much as he did earlier, that something else was up.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something by osmosis, and actually stand a chance against your kid the next time he—“

Buck was cut off by a bang as the firehouse door hit the wall, a panicked cry pulling Buck and Eddie’s attention as they both automatically started to move.

“Help! Please, please I need help, I don’t think she’s breathing!”

Eddie and Buck were both immediately moving, Chim and Bobby close on their trail as they came down the stairs from the loft, Hen already opening the back of the ambulance and yanking out one of her bags.

Eddie slowed himself down as he reached forward to take the body of a young girl from her clearly distraught mother, Buck already a step ahead of him as he put a braceboard down on the ground, placing her too-small body down on it.

(Eddie still hated situations that involved kids.)

The little girl was conscious, but only barely, wheezing along as Eddie laid her down, taking her pulse instinctively as he gave her a simple once over. “Signs of angioedema, breathing is shallow, pupils are tight, plenty of hives across the neck and chest. Ma’am, does she have any allergies, any—”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so, we tried a new recipe for our christmas cookies this year… uh, almond, maybe? I don’t know!”

“Okay, we’re gonna give her some epinephrine, you need to look into an epi-pen, Buck?”

Buck nodded, grabbing a pen from the ambulance, pressing it against the thickest part of her thigh (she was so tiny, Jesus) and plunging the needle into her skin. “Alright, now, we’re going to take her to the hospital, so hop in the ambulance—” Bobby started, nodding to the vehicle as Hen and Chim jumped into the drivers cab, “—and you can ride with or follow along, whatever you want.”

Eddie and Buck had the gurney popped up in a heartbeat, wheeling it in the back of the rig as mother and daughter were loaded up, doors slamming behind the pair of them as Hen practically burned rubber.

Eddie felt his heart rate start to slow back down to a regular, human level as the ambulance tore out of the bay, and even he couldn’t keep the small smile on his face as he turned back to Buck, expecting the expression to be mirrored on his partner’s face.

So, you could imagine his surprise when Buck just looked… tired.

“Buck? You good? You still wanna get a round of the… uh… whatever?”

He rose a brow as Buck hitched his smile back on, giving a half shrug as he shook his head. “Nah, Eddie, it’s good. I’m gonna get started on Bobby’s chore list.”

With that, he started up the stairs to the kitchen, and Eddie was left in the metaphorical dust, staring up to Buck’s retreating backside as he was left alone on the main floor of the 118.

The fuck was going on?

--

buck fifty: why do i have to clean the kitchen if bobby and athena are just going to be cooking in an hour anyway

sent: Because, Buck, normal people clean the areas where they’re going to be preparing food.

buck fifty: miss me with that logic i havent had food poisoning in weeks dont @ me bro

Eddie let out a breathy bark of a laugh as he pushed up on the leg press again, his back drenched in sweat as he read over Buck’s reply. As much as he hated doing anything even remotely close to leg day, he figured that now was the time to work it out—a workout did better than a nap to help him wind down from back-to-back calls (and a near poisoning, Hen and Chim weren’t even back from the hospital yet), but it was a great way to keep his hands free so he could text Buck.

It was kind of sad, honestly, how many decisions that he made in his day to day life that were focused on Buck.

Today, though, the mission was a little more ‘what the fuck is up with Buck’ than it was anything else—Buck was a weird dude, sure, but he was acting jumpy and weird all fucking day today. Even in the moments when they were out on call, and Buck was in the zone, he still felt a little… off.

It was like there was a fucking satellite delay between them, and there had been all day. Eddie usually prided himself on being able to read a room, but today, it was like Buck was intentionally throwing walls his way.

Not that he was that attuned to Buck’s everyday emotions and mood, anyway. Nope. Definitely not.

…

fuck.

sent: Why don’t you come down here and do a few reps with me? Burn off some of that energy.

sent: Oh, wait, that isn’t an option for you yet. How sad.

buck fifty: look its not my fault that you happened to finish your chores earlier and i didnt

sent: …Buck, that is 100% your own fault. Are you good today? You’re weirding me out.

“Hello, 118! Did someone order a chef?” Eddie looked up as he heard Athena’s voice echo throughout the station, a smile on his face as he waved over to her. He loved the way that she had fit together with the station so well, and how she and Bobby got along as well as they did (even if he felt like he had to pay for it whenever Hen shot him a knowing look, less and less subtle with each passing day… okay, month), but he loved even more that she usually brought food, especially now, in what Eddie sincerely hoped would be a new tradition — Christmas dinner with his work family.

Make no mistake, Bobby’s cooking was phenomenal, but there was something about Athena’s family style everything that settled right in Eddie’s soul.

Maybe it was because she had the uncanny knack at seeing through his bullshit and calling him on anything and everything that he tried to pull when she was around, in a way that was both kind and hilariously firm.

Or maybe it was because she actually understood how to make a decent tex-mex meal.

Either way.

“Eddie, where’s our boys?”

Eddie looked up as Athena closed the distance to his machine in the gym, smiling as he did another rep. “Hey Athena. Buck’s cleaning up the kitchen, getting ready for you and Bobby.” he said easily, his legs giving a little wobble as he realized what he had said, eyes snapping to her easily. “Uh, I mean—“

“Diaz, please, we both know that was who I was talking about.” Athena said, cutting him off before he could answer, the knowing smile on her face making Eddie wish the ground would open him up and swallow him whole, but apparently LA was fresh out of earthquakes for the moment. Thankfully, Athena took some pity on him, keeping the conversation moving easily as she looked around the station. “I see he got a hold of the decorations. Good, the place looked too… clean before.” she said, and Eddie laughed even as his face flushed red, swinging his legs off the machine, the familiar burn in his thighs anchoring him in the moment. “Yeah, it really did. Buck said it looked like a Pottery Barn threw up.”

Eddie shook his head as Athena laughed, that same smile on her face again, but it was different now—easy, familiar, like she was seeing the answer to a puzzle that Eddie only had half the pieces to. “He’s a good man, Eddie. Both of you are. It’s just such a shame neither of you would know what healthy communication was if it bit you in the ass.” She said, shaking her head dramatically as she started up the stairs, leaving a completely baffled Eddie to grab his phone off of the machine as it buzzed again.

What the hell was she talking about? He and Buck communicated all the time.

buck fifty: ok now you have to help me

buck fifty: if athena and bobby are going to be in the kitchen together im going to wind up drowning in mushy

sent: How is that my problem? And don’t think you got by avoiding my other question.

buck fifty: eddie plz

sent: Use your words, Buck.

buck fifty: u gotta get up here and save me

sent: Have you cleaned out the oven yet?

buck fifty: ………

buck fifty: save me by helping me clean the oven

Okay, Eddie may have already lost the fight, but—

buck fifty: pleeeeeeeeeease

—but that didn’t mean he had to admit how wrapped around Buck’s pinky he was. He could still whine about it, he could still complain about it, he could still bring this up the next time he and Buck argued about who’s turn it was to go and answer the door when they ordered takeout. Cleaning the oven, that was absolutely something he could hold over Buck forever.

He made a quick detour to the locker room to change out of his gym clothes as he heard Athena greet the boys upstairs, his own smile begrudgingly pasted on as he remembered what Athena had said.

His boy. She had called Buck his boy.

It was… well, it was nice to dream.

He was basically floating on air as he made his way up the stairs, to the point where he almost walked straight until Bobby’s chest from where he stood at the top of the stairs. He let out a very masculine noise as he jumped back, nearly dropping his phone as Bobby clucked his tongue.

“Nope, Eddie, you know the rules. You and your black thumb need to stay far from the kitchen while we’re cooking.”

Eddie tried to sputter out a protest even as Athena laughed from her position near the fridge, unloading what looked like an actual mountain of groceries. “Come on Bobby, I’m sure he can’t be that bad—“

“He’s burned pasta, Athena.”

“That was one time!”

Eddie felt his face heat up as Buck immediately came to his defense, equal parts pleased and perturbed, as Bobby shook his head. “Not taking that chance, kid. Especially not while Athena is armed with two whole hams. Come on, go downstairs, shower up, and then we can find a way for you to help get ready for dinner that keeps you far away from the kitchen.”

“Cmon, Bobby—“

“Buck, you can clean the oven on your own. Now let’s go, we all got work to do.”

Eddie felt his mouth snap shut as Bobby dismissed him—not unkindly, nothing that Eddie hadn’t heard before, but the way that Buck was looking over at them was nothing short of tragic. He hadn’t seen Buck look that defeated since their run in at the grocery store in the midst of the lawsuit-that-they-didn’t-talk-about-seriously-Buck-we-both-apologized-it’s-fine.

Eddie’s brain continued to churn as he showered, nearly drowning himself beneath the scalding hot water as he tried to understand what the fuck was going on.

Buck had been acting weird. Which, honestly, wasn’t that unusual for Buck. Buck was a good man. He had his heart on his sleeve, like, constantly. He was happy when he was happy, he was sad when he was sad, and there was no hiding it when he was down.

And now, somehow, Eddie was bringing him down.

Or… when Eddie really thought about it, the lack of Eddie was bringing him down…

Eddie didn’t get to spend time with Buck, and Buck looked like someone had just stamped out his dreams.

And that… that was interesting.

The last piece of the puzzle finally sank into place as he toweled off his hair and stepped out of the locker room, right in time to hear Athena’s laugh ring through the station. He looked up to the loft in time to see Bobby dipping her into a kiss, but that wasn’t where his eyes focused—no, they were instead focusing on something red and green. Something red and green and small and something that was definitely not there before Buck started his redecorations this morning, hanging in front of the oven.

The oven that he was supposed to help Buck clean.

Eddie felt his eyes narrow as he looked around the station, trying to retrace his steps throughout the station from the moment he walked in that morning. The utility closet… the recreation area… and back to the kitchen again.

He felt a small smile, in spite of himself, spread across his face, something dangerously close to hope blooming in his chest. Fate seemed to smile on him as Hen and Chim pulled back into the firehouse bay, and he took the opportunity to smack Hen’s arm as she walked past him.

“Ow, Eddie, what the f—“

“I’m gonna risk it, Hen.” Eddie said, effectively cutting her off, knowing that she would pick up on what he meant immediately. “But I need some help. You got a minute?”

--

“Buckaroo, will you take these plates down to the table? Here, bring Eddie some silverware.”

“Yeah, no problem Chim.”

Eddie elbowed Hen away from him as Buck started down the stairs, trying his best to act like he was doing anything but listening up the stairs. He and Hen had been busy setting up the table (and a few other things) while Chim was assigned on running interference upstairs, which turned out to be the easiest job of all while Buck… well, while Buck moped.

Eddie hated Buck moping. Almost as much as he hated how cute he thought it was, now that he knew what Buck was up to.

Or, at least, he thought he knew what Buck was up to. He was still painfully aware of how wrong this could all go—maybe it was the magic of the season, maybe it was a year in the making, maybe it was Hen egging him on, but Eddie…

Eddie actually felt like he could do this.

Even if it meant that he had to play completely oblivious in the meantime.

“Alright, Buck,” Eddie started, taking the stack of plates out of Buck’s hand, somehow fighting the smile as Buck handed them over, “what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

Buck grumbled as he tugged at the corner of the table cloth, straightening out a few placemats as he shrugged. “Nothing, Eds, I’m fine. Just a weird day, I guess. Dinner should be good, though!” Buck said, hiking a smile up onto his face. Eddie did his best to hide a little laugh as he nodded to Hen, who had slipped into the cab of the ladder truck.

“Buck, come on. I’ve known you for years, you’re not fine. Weird, yes. Fine, no.”

Buck stuck out his tongue as he started to dole out forks and knives, the little lighthearted gesture doing something to ease the worry that Eddie felt at the base of his spine, but he could still see the tension coiled through his best friends shoulders.

“Seriously, Buck, I—“

“It’s fine, Eddie! I just…” Buck’s shoulder slumped as he started to deflate, the harsh tone of his voice giving way as his face flushed. Setting the last fork down, he started to pace in earnest, speaking with his hands as much as he was with his voice. “I just had a certain thought about how things might go this year, and fate, or destiny, or whatever, has made it very clear that’s not going to be how it goes. I dunno, I thought I could make things… different, or special or whatever?” he started, and Eddie seriously had to swallow the words that were threatening to spill over his lips.

Buck wanted to make things special. Buck wanted to make things special. For him. Like Buck didn’t do that kind of thing every day simply by existing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to worry about it.” Buck sighed as he put the last fork down and started pacing at the head of the table, and Eddie had to make sure his voice wasn’t going to waver when he spoke again.

“It still can be special, Buck—“

“Eds, it’s whatever. It was stupid anyway.”

“Buck.”

“No, Eddie, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have—“

“Buck. Stop. Breathe.”

Eddie grabbed both of Buck’s shoulders to stop him from pacing, raising his eyebrows as Buck finally made eye contact with him.

“Are you breathing? Okay. Great. Good. Now look up.”

“Eds, what are you talking about?”

“Buck, for the love of God, listen to me for once in your life and just look up.”

Eddie took a moment to savor the complete confusion written on Buck’s face as he finally comprehended what Eddie was asking (with a murmured complaint of “I always listen to you”), and Eddie let his eyes lock on to Buck’s face. Mostly because he wanted to see Buck’s reaction, but partially because he was afraid of what said reaction would be. Even if Buck was seeing the mistletoe above them for the first time, that Eddie had painstakingly tied to the top rung of the ladder that Hen had extended over the table from the truck, this was the moment of truth—and Eddie already knew what was up there.

Besides, Buck was a much better view than some green garnish.

“That’s, uhm.” Buck started, and Eddie finally gave up trying to keep the smile off his face. “That’s mistletoe.”

Eddie hummed thoughtfully as Buck looked back to him, “It is. I pulled some from the kitchen, found a sprig near the rec room, one from the utility closet…”

Buck actually had the decency to look surprised as he looked back to Eddie, literal stars in his eyes. “And you… put them together. And tied them to the ladder, and… got me to stand under it with you.” Buck continued, slowly, and Eddie gave a little chuckle as he nodded his head, taking a step closer. “I did. I mean, unless I’m misreading this entire situation, in which case I have no idea what you’re talking about, and if that’s the case, I’m going to go dig a hole out back and throw myself—mmhph.”

Eddie was more thankful than anything when Buck took the step forward to close the distance between them before he could start rambling, one hand on Eddie’s jaw to tilt it up (god he loved that Buck was taller than he was), the other warm and heavy on his hip (god, he loved Buck’s strong hands), lips slotting together with an ease that Eddie had never experienced with a first kiss before (god, he loved kissing Buck).

He also loved Hen and Chim, because no sooner did Chim hit the switch near the bay doors to dim the lights around the ladder truck did Hen manage to restart Buck’s Christmas playlist, Irving Berlin’s voice crooning about a white Christmas over the station speakers as Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s neck.

When they finally pulled back to breathe, Eddie found himself tiptoeing up to chase Buck’s lips, his face flushing bright red afterward when he realized what he had done. They both started laughing as Buck’s hands dropped down to Eddie’s waist, Eddie following suit and letting his hands rest on Buck’s shoulders, fitting together in a way that Eddie had only imagined.

“So… I guess the mistletoe worked out for you in the end.” Eddie said with a smile, and Buck laughed, shaking his head, that beautiful ruddy color staining his cheeks again. “Eds, I, uh… I’ve kind of been working up the courage to do something like this for weeks.” He said sheepishly, and Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, smacking Buck’s shoulder.

“Weeks? To think, you still had months to go before you were anywhere close to my level.” Eddie said as he pulled away, sighing as he smoothed over Buck’s collar, a smile on his face as he turned and left a stunned Buck in his wake.

“Wait, Eddie, what?”

Eddie shook his head as he walked back into the locker room, Buck following suit shortly after.

“Eds, no, wait! How long did I pine without needing to?? Eddie!!”