#but layla was right. fuck em

[madebysimblr]

Xavier: Els, I'm so sorry-

Sorella: No, it's ok. She was right. She's not my mother. Just my egg donor. This is what's better for all of us. I thought I wanted to know her… But I don't need to. You've been my Dad, my Mom, my everything. My whole life. And I'm so s-sorry for being such a little shit the last few years.

Sorella starts crying and hugs her father for the first time in years.

Xavier: Oh, my own heart, I forgive you. I'm sorry I kept the truth from you.

Sorella: I love you, Dad.

Xavier: I love you too, kid.

[sea-lanterns]

i feel like dehya and beidou would team up on you sometimes and beidou would be pounding you with a strap while dehya shoves her fingers into your mouth having a viberating anal plug in your ass

or maybe miko and lisa two hot women flirty and smart but mikos manipulative right so she’d probably manipulate you into something like sex on accident (she didnt mean it!!) and then lisa would walk in and probably pull mikos fox ear away from your pussy and she’ll probably punish you for being so gullible

then oo layla and ganyu both sleepyheads who want pleasure, ganyu and you would probably scisscor due to laylas weak stamina and layla will probably be on ganyus face only reciving a reward till you say so <3

-🦊

that layla and ganyu pairing has me drooling 🦊 anon. you don’t understand how much i love rarepair threesomes, especially with characters that are never seen together but work really well when you think about it.

also, this thirst is pretty long just because i got so carried away

nsfw under the cut—————————

dehya and beidou are two of the strongest women in the game. so of course a threesome with them can only end in one thing: manhandling. oh, it doesn’t matter how tall or big you may be, these two women will toss you around between them like a rag doll and take turns fucking a huge silicone cock into you. the strap is definitely something beidou brought to the table, but dehya brings her fair share of pleasantries too. she’s the one who brought the vibrator after all…

beidou has you bouncing on her cock with large hands gripping your hips upright, while dehya is currently mumbling sweet praises into your ear as she presses the vibrator against your clit. one of her fingers is circling the entrance where you and beidou were connected, and scooping up the leaking cum like it was a delicacy not meant to be wasted. “look, you got ‘em creaming all over you…” dehya chuckles lightly, “your time is up by the way, let me fuck ‘er brains out…”

beidou grunts as you’re pulled off her cock by dehya’s strong grip. her arms pulling you towards her lap and manhandling you like a toy between the kids who don’t want to share. “you ruined her orgasm you know…” beidou scoffs, a smirk growing on her face, “you better fuck twice as good as me…”

“I am twice as good…” dehya shoots back playfully, hands spreading your thighs apart before rubbing your folds together with two giant fingers. “watch.”

and then dehya proceeded to plunge two rough fingers into your already dripping hole. the sudden penetration making you gasp in pleasure before falling forward and landing on beidou’s muscular front. “tsk tsk, seems they’re just aching to crawl back to me…” beidou laughs, gripping your hair and moving your head down to meet eye level with her cock. “clean it off, pretty. you’re the one who soiled it…”

before you could even move, dehya’s strong arms wrap around your waist and smush you closer to beidou while she fingers your cunt roughly. effectively sandwiching you between them as you could feel every movement and flex of their sheen muscle.

“go on pretty, suck the captain’s cock off…” dehya chuckles, before helping move your lips down to wrap around beidou’s strap. both women’s arms holding you up securely as if you were nothing but a little rag doll to be tossed around and played with.

miko and lisa are two of the most seductive and flirty women in teyvat and you bet they use this to their advantage. they could turn you into a sex-drunk mess in a matter of minutes and it’s something they’re both equally proud of as your partners.

miko is usually the orchestrator of your sessions. all she has to do is whisper a few dirty things in your ear and— oh! you’re already dripping, how cute! the guuji is flattered her words make you wet already and she can’t contain herself as she has you pushed down on the flat of her desk and tongue already pushed inside you. “mmf…what a naughty pet…” she can’t help but purr, trying to smush her face deeper into your folds as she just can’t get enough of you.

meanwhile, lisa is watching all of this go down from the doorway with a smile. she’s so amused (and turned on) at the sight of her two precious babies having sex right in the open just for her. “both of you are naughty pets…” lisa chuckles as she walks in, gloved hand running down miko’s scalp and yanking her away from her pussy. the guuji’s face all covered in cum and saliva as she pants and drools to keep going inside you.

“lisa…” an annoyed expression overcomes the frustrated kitsune. “let me go.”

“hush, pet.” lisa says gently, although her eyes say otherwise. “it isn’t nice to leave your other partner out of the fun now is it?”

miko let’s out a surprised yelp as lisa yanks her back further and takes her place between your legs, “your punishment is to watch, miko and you…” lisa smirks up at you before slowly sliding her tongue up your cunt, a shiver running down your spine.

“yours is to just take it all.”

layla and ganyu are two of the most sleepiest and subbiest women you’ve ever had the dream of dating. they’re both so soft and needy and when you’re not around they try their best to get each other off but it’s not the same :(

you oftentimes find yourself coming home to see the two of them desperately trying to rut and scissor against each other but it’s no use. layla’s soft and tired whines as she’s on the verge of falling asleep. meanwhile ganyu is trying to take the lead but unable to because she also is quite tired.

the moment they spot you they both whine at the same time and ganyu plops over in exhaustion on top of layla. both of their chests rising and falling in sync as they both await their desperate release from you. “you’re back, finally…” ganyu pants, raising an arm towards you. “please help…we need you…”

and so there you were, ganyu eagerly riding on your fingers while cute little layla sat so sleepily on top of your face. the two women so close to passing out but so close to cumming that they are practically gripping onto you like their life depended on it.

“nngh…more…more…” layla mumbles brokenly, hands tangled in your hair as your tongue pushes forward into her soft little hole. her needy little whines making you so turned on as you couldn’t help but let your fingers twitch inside your other girlfriend as well.

ganyu gasps and clings onto your arm with a death grip while bouncing her hips to the set rhythm. both of your girls were just so edged on and sensitive that all it took was a few minutes with you and you both had them creaming all over your body. sleepy little moans emitting from them before they both fell over and laid beside you.

ganyu on your right with layla on your left…

[darkuselesssomebody]

𝕀: 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 - (variants | softdark!miguel o'hara x reader)

complete masterlist | dark miguel o'hara masterlist

words || 𝟙.𝟠𝕜

series masterlist || variants

summary || in which the miguel feels like he deserves something better

a/n || starting a writing schedule. let's see how long i stick to it.

➵ part of a series; check the masterlist ^!

➵ ask if you wanna be added to a taglist

➵ heed the warnings in said masterlist, this series is 18+, and inherently dark

➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!

warnings || angst/dark content/slight blood

ping!

miguel looked up from his food. lyla had gone off for her ... beauty sleep, or whatever the hell she called it, so he was greeted with the unfamiliar sound of a notification. usually, they would filter through her, and she'd disclose the information to him with her chattery intonation.

his eyes were a bit red. it was another late night in his apartment - well, barely an apartment. the whole thing was practically an office, he didn't even have a bed. just a couch, that he'd sleep on the one day out of the week he didn't pass out on his office chair.

he looks up at the notification.

earth-trn1042.

he hadn't heard of it before - it was one of those him and lyla had yet to visit and accumulate data on. this might be his chance.

he looked around for his suit. dammit. he'd told layla to start running the new suit prototypes, one that would cling to his body like a second skin. whatever.

he looks around the cramped, cold apartment. how sad. how lonely. he sometimes thought about what his alchemax colleagues did in their time off. with their pretty wives, their well-mannered kids. and then him. doing something... so important, but so hard. whatever.

he fits on the suit, and looks to his watch, the only thing seemingly going right for him. he looks back at the notification, checking the name before he inputted it into his watch.

earth-trn1042. here he comes.

the anomaly was shockingly primitive, considering it had managed to figure out interdimensional travel. it was a simple fix. miguel clung to the alleys of this new york - similar enough to his own but... warmer - as he caught his breath after neutralizing the threat.

there's a noise - what is that?

a grunt, a shout, a... gun shot?!

miguel sneaks through the alleyways, coming upon the scene.

"oh, what the hell..." he murmurs to himself, seeing the mugger run away down the alley. it's too late to chase after him, and the mugger's victim is already on the ground.

miguel crouches to determine if the situation was salvagable. the fingers he pressed over the victim's neck came back coated in blood and - as he believed, cynically - his pulse was nonexistent. his lips purse. what a shame. he shakes his head, exhaling deeply, as he looks up at the man's face.

his blood runs cold.

jolting back, he forgets to breathe for a moment, and when he remembers to, it comes in a sharp gasp.

it's... him. eyes glassy, cold, dead, looking back up at him, almost feeling as though they were following his movements.

"fucking hell." he mumbles, swallowing harshly, as he steps closer again. a hand goes to his mask-covered mouth.

this had to have happened sooner or later. meeting a ... variant of his. but like this? it felt too odd, it made his stomach churn in discomfort. but it wasn't like it was him. he didn't know this guy - regardless of the similarities they likely shared. he sighed - for all intents and purposes, this man was a stranger.

but that made him curious. what was similar about the two? did he work in alchemax like he did? investigate the multiverse like he did? have a lyla, like he did?

he gritted his teeth, but the curiosity got the better of him. he looks at the man's briefcase. yup, a worker at alchemax - in fact, he'd been working there longer than even miguel had. there was a lunchbox, packed diligently and some papers - from colleagues and friends alike.

his expression soured.

this miguel wasn't lonely.

he looked to the man's wrist - no dimensional travel watch. a normal wrist watch, gold frame, smooth gears. normal - and quite exactly the opposite of miguel.

his eyes caught onto a locket on the man's neck. he pulls it into his palm, shockingly careful with the delicate silver chain. he clicks it open, and he's sure the most beautiful woman he's ever seen pictured inside, along with an adorable young girl. they've got the brightest smiles, and she's cradling the girl.

he can't tear his eyes off it, an anger bubbling in his chest. this... this miguel - weak enough to die to a fucking petty thief - didn't deserve this beautiful wife, this adorable daughter. he didn't deserve more than the strong, smart, capable man that he, the real miguel, was.

there's a strange tug at his heart. and he feels his morality, his sympathy, and his empathy to the man in front of him wane. taking the locket, he grips it a little tighter in his broad palm.

he deserves it.

he's a good man.

he didn't need to be lonely.

slowly, deliberately, he clasps the locket around his neck.

her evening had been packed. since picking up gabriella, she'd shuffled around the kitchen cooking dinner, mopped the floors, called miguel, served gabriella dinner, tucked her into bed, called miguel, washed the dishes from dinner, cleaned the kitchen counter-tops, and called miguel.

she bit her nail anxiously.

this wasn't like him at all - staying late at work was a recurring trait of his, but he always picked up his phone when she called. her fingers nervously dance over her contacts, trying to call him once more.

nothing happens, and the phone rings out, until she hears his voicemail.

she rubs her cheeks fervently, feeling a deep sense of unsettlement wash over her, and she decides to take a shower to calm herself down. the warm water always seems to melt her worries away. sighing softly as the steam builds, she listens to the playlist of soothing songs she'd put on to bask in familiarity.

humming to herself, and attempting to keep all her senses engaged so she didn't have to think, she didn't hear the front door open.

miguel walks into the unfamiliar house, looking around. it's... homely. decorations, throw pillows, pictures hung on the walls. of the family, beaming. he inhales the scent of lemon disinfecting cleaner - as opposed to the one he used at home, full of chemicals, and with just as rancid of a smell.

he walks up the stairs to the bedrooms slowly. he passes ... what he must assume to be the daughter's room. it's got decorations on the front, little stars and hearts littered around fancy calligraphy of her name. gabriella.

the light's on in the next bedroom. following it, miguel steps into a room with a king bed, large closet. he looks down at his spidersuit, turning to the closet to change into a pair of the man's slacks and a white button-up.

there's humming and music overshadowing the sound of dripping water. someone's in the shower.

then, the water stops.

she steps out of the shower, oblivious to the man in her and her husband's room, beginning to dry herself off. still humming to herself, she doesn't notice miguel until she glances up to look at the mirror, which happens to catch him from his position just outside the bathroom door. watching her.

she squeak in shock, whipping around, and her heart rate returns to normal when she sees who it is. miguel! he's here! very sullen, and tired-looking, but there.

"miguel!" she beams, "oh my god, you've not... returned my calls, i got worried..." she murmurs, sighing in relief. his face remains stoic.

"i... lost my phone." he mutters, and she hums, starting to place lotion on herself, so relieved he's here, she's not giving his impassive demeanor much attention.

she doesn't notice his lingering, memorizing gaze along her body after she places her towel to dry. "can you do my back?" she asks casually, handing him the lotion and turning away from him. he hesitates, and she smiles, "everything okay?"

he snaps out of it, and she hears the squirt of the lotion out of the bottle, as he smears it over her back, his touch lasting longer than necessary, but that's usual.

"i'm fine." he mumbles, before pausing, "how's the... our daughter?" she knows his phrasing is weird. he must be very tired.

"gabi? she's fine, my love. she's sleeping, she had a great day at school." she begins to list off about gabriella's day, starting to slip her pajamas on, "and how about you? how was your day?" she finally turns to look up at him. after putting on her shirt, her hands go to cradle his cheeks, thumbing his seemingly more prominent eyebags. his nose is sharper, hair shorter.

"did you get a haircut?" she giggles, and he doesn't respond right away.

"yeah." he finally forces out, and she sighs, taking it at face value. his stubble is gone too. he must have gotten it shaved. she pouts.

"grow it out again, it looked good." his lips seem to quirk in a smile, and she ghosts her thumb over them. after a moment, she goes on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. it's meant to be chaste, but he chases her touch, pulling her back in for a longer, hungrier kiss. laughing, she gently presses against his chest before he can go too far, "it's been a long day for you, baby. let's go to bed." she whispers.

he hesitates for a long moment - deeply reluctant - as he stares intensely into her eyes. finally seceding, he moves out of the way so that she can step into the bedroom. she helps him out of his shirt, grabbing a pair of sweats for him as he peels off the slacks he'd just... essentially stolen.

as she lets him change, she snuggles into the covers, scrolling on her phone. he soon joins her, and she puts her phone away, rolling to hug his warm torso as he lays next to her. she runs a finger lazily over his bare chest, groaning.

"you got rid of your chest hair, too? i didn't even know barbers did that..." she sighs, "will you consult me before you do things like this?" she grumbles, and she feels the low rumble of a laugh in his chest.

"alright." he murmurs. he says her name once, and he says it slowly, like he's sounding it out.

"how sleepy are you?" she teases, but that doesn't deter him as he repeats her name a few times, "you're being weird." she murmurs into his chest affectionately.

"you've got a pretty name." he finally says.

"took you this long to figure it out?" but it makes her heart flutter, even the small compliments she receives from her husband always elating her.

after a moment, she starts listing off what they need to do the next day, and he just stares at her, thumbing the locket. suddenly, he pulls her into a kiss to see how she'll react. she's surprised, but kisses him back.

she figures he's needy, but she forces him to sleep.

"i love you," he hesitates

"i love you too, mi amor."

[nerdieforpedro]

WIP Wednesday

Welp after this week, there will be one more week of Sard’ika Sessions. I’m kinda proud that after next week, I’ll have actually completed a series. A great way to start the new year. 😆 This week is session five so we’re almost done Space Buddies! Thanks for sticking with me this long. I appreciate you all. ❤️

As for an actual preview of something, I decided on two things, one is from a pending new series with Dave York (Nerdie, you never finished the old one.) One doesn’t dwell on the past and we move forward!

An email comes Monday, a member of your new department would like to meet with you, give you materials to prep before starting the job. Seems fine, legit if you will. You did check with your old manager to make sure and they assured you that this Dave York is who your contact is. You weren’t sure if you should dress casually or business like for this meeting. It was your week off, you decided to wear your favorite dark green long sleeve button down dress with black flats. A mix of business and play if need be. Hair tied up and a tight bun with your favorite bright pink lipstick, may not have been business but you liked it, that’s what mattered. York had emailed you and told you to meet you for brunch, at least you’re getting food.

The second is a second helping of Mr. York! There were a few Pedro men on the brain but Dave came out ahead and maybe, just maybe I’m finishing my first Dave York series. 😘

“No. Not right now. Just let me…Fuck.” Dave whispered to himself. Her concern and confusion were understandable, but he didn’t care. “You want to know how I really feel about you. What I really think Peach? Fine.” He placed his bloody hand on the back of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss. She didn’t react at first, but her fingers found their way into the loops of his cargo pants. It could have been the frustration at not really saying what they meant or that they had just been arguing but as their tongues danced, they crept toward the bed falling onto it and laughing at how absurd the situation was. It was then that Kiara initiated the kiss this time, grabbing Dave’s shoulders and pinning him under her. But after a few more make out sessions they both fell asleep in their clothes. Greeted by the sunlight of a new day.

I may also be marinating some more WIPs:

Frankie (haven’t decided if subby Frankie will be back or another Frankie will appear. He’s like a Pokémon - gotta catch ‘em all!)

Joel (might be Joel & Layla with them being sweet, might be a darker Joel I thought about in the QZ. My mood will determine that.)

Din (which Sard’ika ending soon, I do plan on one or two epilogues and working on one of four Din WIPs)

Santiago (haven’t written for the man but I do have bullet points and Tom slander 😆)

Dieter (Weddings 101 with Dieter shall continue! Daisy will be back and so will Oscar for more beef. In case you haven’t voted on the poll for chapter 4, click here.)

Well all, I talked a whole bunch. Dave and I have appointments to keep and to use these sheets and gasoline. ⛽️ Yes will wear a mask, you never forget THAT smell. 👃

No pressure tags: @saturn-rings-writes @megamindsecretlair @secretelephanttattoo @rhoorl @trulybetty @maggiemayhemnj @fhatbhabie @theywhowriteandknowthings @frenchiereading @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @javierpena-inatacvest @goodwithcheese @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @morallyinept @pamasaur @perotovar @chronically-ghosted

[little-bug-el-faouly]

Layla's pov: Asylum Escape #2

► Part one: Asylum Escape

‘Do you even recognize me?’

He did. Mostly. Took a moment of them staring like she might just disappear again before the words came pouring out. All slurred without much of a filter.

She let him ramble until she got something she understood. There were quiet moments between where he spaced out. Layla waited patiently. Understandably, that took some time. He wasn’t in a good state. Wasn't like she had anywhere else to be, he had all of her attention.

“Echar una mano-“

“Should say it in French mate she knows that one.”

“Dejar plantado-”

“Sorry Layla.”

“Mi polola~”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Less cursing, more French guys. C'mon! Bonjour Layla! T’es belle!”

“Cut it out. We need to-”

“Sorry bruv I’m just tryna say ‘ello.”

"Será mejor que no le hables así.”

“And you need to shut the fuck up too.”

“Bit of a mess up here innit? Sorry.”

“No. Layla you need to go. It’s not uh-”

“Si amor, no es seguro aquí.”

“Not a vacation is what it is. It’s bloody awful.”

“Safe. It’s not safe. Trap.”

“Si, I said that.”

“No, you didn’t, you wibbled on in Spanish.”

“Spanish? Ah. My mistake. Hard to think right now.”

“They’re not going to let me leave. Needed you to get me to talk.”

“He’s right. You must leave, mi vida.”

“I will end you.”

The laugh that came out of him definitely wasn’t Marc. She was certain his hand would have waved a grander gesture or punched himself if it hadn’t been restrained. Layla watched him struggling and tried to not let her nose crinkle up. It hurt to see him like this. He shouldn’t be here. Couldn’t hold himself in the front for long. Maybe it was the sedatives they had him on? Or just this place? She didn’t know. She’d never seen them this bad before.

“Hey- hey, hey, hey. All of you. Shut up a sec. Look at me.”

They did. He did. Head strained to lift up a fraction more so he could try and hold her stare. Layla softened her eyes, wishing she could reach out and hold his hand. She was going to do one better.

“I’m not leaving here without you. You got that? I need you all to get on the same page. If you’re right, we got one shot at this. Can you hold yourself up? Why haven't you used your suit yet?”

"Fine, but I don’t like this."

“I mean I’ll try. Rooms a bit spinny."

"Old bird? In the mood he's in? Hah."

"That stupid pigeon-”

“It's complicated.”

“What you got planned for us chica?”

“I swear. Once I take off these restraints, if you punch yourself, we’re going to have a problem. Focus.” “You tell ‘em, love.”

“I am focused.”

“Ahh he’s behaving now wife is here.”

"Shut your mouth."

Layla worked on the restraints behind his back. Helping him up to his feet. Keeping an arm around him while he gathered his bearings. Layla guided him towards the door, letting him lean his weight onto her as they moved.

Pushing him up against the wall just out of view. Close enough to be sharing each other's air, he leaned in but she didn't rise to it. Instead, she raised her hand to gesture for him to wait for the signal. He leaned back with a more stern expression, and then his eyebrows shot up and a more nervous one broke through. She thumped her fist against the door until one of the escorts opened it. Show time.

[themculibrary]

Swimming Pools Masterlist

A Little Room to Sway (ao3) - dollylux wanda/natasha E, 20k

Summary: Wanda and Natasha make a list of five things they have never done and always wanted to do. (post-Age of Ultron/pre-Civil War.)

Drain You (ao3) - apodiopsys steve/thor E, 1k

Summary: It's unknown if there's a connection between having sex with Thor and the thunderstorm happening simultaneously.

everything the water can be (ao3) - jehans steve/bucky E, 5k

Summary: “Tell you what, big guy,” Bucky purrs, matching Steve’s tone, “if you win this thing—”

“This is practice,” Steve interrupts like a dumbass, “there is no winning.”

Bucky’s lopsided smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah,” he concedes, still in that slow molasses drawl, “but you guys all keep track of your time, right? I’ve watched you all compare notes after practice.”

Steve laughs. They’re a team of competitive little shits, they absolutely do that. “Yeah, okay, fair enough,” he relents.

“So,” Bucky continues slowly, his blush deepening, “you get the best time today...,” he takes a breath, drops his voice even lower, and soughs, “I’ll let you take off my clothes. All of ‘em.”

Shit.

Steve suddenly realizes what a fucking moron he is for having initiated this line of flirtation here at the pool and right before practice.

Going Under (ao3) - missbecky steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: When it was too hot for even Captain America to go for his morning run, that was just too damn hot. But Steve just shrugged and said he would have to find some other way to get his morning exercise.

Which is how he and Tony ended up in the pool.

Hydrotherapy (ao3) - BlossomsintheMist steve/tony E, 5k

Summary: It was nice, floating, like this. Not being terrified, not worrying about it, even though the water of the pool was washing over his belly, soft and cool at the sides of his face, damp at his temples, at the edges of his closed eyes. “I’ve got you, Tony,” Steve muttered, and it was so sweet, so soft, in his ears, washing over him like the water of the pool lapping at his body, cool at his ears, tugging at his hair.

In Summation (ao3) - geckoholic steve/natasha E, 3k

Summary: The location of their latest mission has a private pool for upper-scale guests. Natasha and Steve grab the opportunity and put it to good use.

Las Vegas (ao3) - elcapitan_rogers steve/natasha E, 219k

Summary: Steve was freaking out over his own wedding and the gang decided to take him to Las Vegas to unwind him.

Lonely Christmas (or The Jacuzzi Date) (ao3) - lunaemoth darcy/steve T, 2k

Summary: Darcy stared at the red lingerie spread on her table and said “Merry Christmas Darcy” with as much cheer as she could muster. Offering herself a Christmas gift was sad... pathetic even, she mused. Of course it was that or no gift at all, so the choice was easily made... but that was truly pathetic. She sighed and ate one more chocolate.

moments like this (ao3) - Pericardiaca steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: A day in the life of our superfamily: Peter gets a swimming lesson, Tony motherhens a little and then there's some adult alone time when the little menace is finally in bed. Steve also makes an interesting fashion choice.

Moving Home (ao3) - loves_buckybarnes layla el-faouly/steven/marc E, 38k

Summary: Layla is missing living in Cairo so she asks Steven and Marc if they want to move to Cairo, her father left her the house in her name, the house she grew up in, so they decide to go visit and see if they want to live there.

Nice For What (ao3) - grimeysociety bucky/darcy E, 3k

Summary: “Well, maybe I want to hang out with Bucky for once. We’ll wear black and roam the streets looking for victims. And then we’ll eat candy by the pool.” “Sounds like a date,” Bucky said, not quite believing she meant what she said.

Night Swim (ao3) - vespertineflora steve/bucky E, 3k

Summary: "What are you doing down here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Wanted to swim.” Bucky flicks a few drops of water at Steve’s legs and says, “You should join me.”

“Didn’t bring a suit,” Steve replies as he holds his arms open a bit helplessly. Honestly, he’d come down here to let Bucky know he was back, hoping to go back to their apartment so that some snuggling and sleeping could follow. He hadn't really planned on swimming.

A wicked grin spreads over Bucky’s face as he says, “Neither did I.”

Pool Therapy (ao3) - cooper_west clint/phil T, 3k

Summary: The YMCA three blocks down the road from SHEILD’s New York offices is the most security conscious YMCA in the country.

road trips and sliding (ao3) - orphan_account G, 3k

Summary: peter finds out tony has a awesome pool in california. A road trip and lots and lots of slides and swimming!

Spring Break '87 (ao3) - CrunchySalad rhodey/tony E, 4k

Summary: For this prompt on avengerkink. Tony is desperately trying to seduce Rhodey, but Rhodey resists because Tony's just a lonely seventeen-year-old and Rhodey doesn't want to take advantage of that. Unfortunately for Rhodey, spring breaks aren't exactly known as bastions of good judgement.

Swimmy, Shackled, Sated and Shagged (ao3) - 51PegasiB darcy/steve, maria/darcy, darcy/pepper/tony E, 5k

Summary: Darcy's dreams are having an impact on her ability to enjoy her days as a live-in sub, but not as much of an impact as keeping up with the emotional roller-coaster that is serving several very different people per day. Will she settle in? Or will this all turn out to be too much? And will she ever get a good night's sleep.

Weekend Away (ao3) - Emily_Davison G, 5k

Summary: Tony takes his Little, Peter, on a small weekend away in a luxurious villa he recently bought by the sea and some of the Avengers tag along.

Whose Pool is this? It's my Pool now! (ao3) - M_Bella_lib peter/wade E, 5k

Summary: On a late-night patrol, Spider-Man stumbles upon Deadpool who invites him to take a dip in his pool. The cover of night encourages Spider-Man to take him up on the offer. Many things are encouraged in the darkness.

[shamehaversoffontaine]

quest for the 4* hp% sword: musings on kirara, nilou, bountiful cores

predicting ascension mats is a silly hobby but it is my favorite. i knew since she was a nekomata, that she'd probably have some connection to the other inazuma cats, so her mats would either be naku weed or amakumo fruit, as those are what grows on seirai island where asase shrine is. further more, so far only raiden uses amakumo fruit whereas both yoimiya and kuki use naku weed, therefore. amakumo fruit. and i was right!

ive just noticed how many hp scaling sword users there are (nilou, kuki, layla, fucking benny even, and now kirara) with no (non-5-star) hp% sword. at all. every other weapon type has some kind of option for their characters (though youre probably not gonna raise the recurve bow just for a couple extra points on diona's shield)

3.7 weapon is an EM bow which sounds great for tighnari, melt ganyu, and thats it.

the fontaine craftable weapons better include an hp% sword. this is getting ridiculous. hp is kinda hydros thing so it's not a stretch.

gonna give nilou 2p millelith/2p that new set for dehya. right now at level 79/80 (where shes going to stay until after i have kaveh raised) with 4p millelith hp/hp/hp/, shes at 42k. (with hydro resonance)

i dont know if the hydro her tranquility aura confers counts as a 'hit' for millelith, but it doesnt matter because the priority is squeezing as much out of her a4 as possible, which means hp hp hp hp. i have about 109% out of a possible 400%, and i dont think you can get that full 400 without key of khaj nisut. but. i'll get as close as i can. and then in 3 weeks i'll get kaveh and it'll be more.

right now, with a. get this. EM barbara 700-ish because i havent quite finished getting the gilded that i'd had couched on razor for kaveh. we're doing about 24k bountiful cores. nahida doesnt actually work too well with nilou because you need to like. i think it works better if nilou and/or someone else is doing the wetting and the dendro side of the equation is the one making the reaction. they say kaveh doesnt apply enough dendro on his own to do it, but we'll see. theyre both better in multi-target, so, multiple auras.

shame theres no good way for crowd control with nilou. swirl preference means youre always picking up hydro anyway. i was hoping there would be more, like. dendro constructs, like how the samachurl has his little vine walls.

and it seems like. the team right now is nahida/nilou/barbara/[tignari or yaoyao]. barbara, currently being built entirely into EM, is not healing quite enough, so i gave my lvl 50 yaoyao her maidens for extra heals and extra offfield dendro. it has been working quite well.

so. when i get kaveh, the gilded that's on barbara will go to kaveh, and it will be kaveh/nilou/xingqiu/yaoyao??? i still havent decided on baizhu. kirara has thrown a huge wrench into my decision. express delivery big wrench. it will eventually be kirara in the fourth slot. if we cant keep up heals which between kavehs own healing and xingqius little bits, i might switch out for barbara. and then theres. well. kokomi. i need to figure out kokomis kit i never know what im doing with her when playing with trials and stuff. then theres ayato, and then fontaine will probably bring a few good hydro characters, including fucking focalors herself, so. who knows. there are possibilities. and if kokomi or ayato come up on a rerun before we know what wet goodies lie in wait in the land of steampunk courtroom drama.

3.7 apparently has a new yoimiya chapter so there's 1/4. it also seems to be inazuma centric, though, so. gulp.

[tiptapricot]

MK liveblog moments, The Goldfish Problem

Steven checks for footprints when getting up and winces at his ankle

I love Steven I love him so much

Oh my god episode one has so much foreshadowing

Wonder where Steven keeps his name tag when he’s at home bc he takes it from his chest pocket

I NEED to see the convo that happened w Dylan in a season two also she seems so fun

Taweret plushies my beloved

STEVEN CALLS DONNA CAP’N

I literally cannot see Steven as Oscar they just look diff it’s ridiculous

Ammit plushies :-)

GODD THE MUSIC IN EP ONE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS

Steven already had a crush on Dylan n I’m just… thinking ab Jake or Marc setting that up for him again

The sound effects r so nice but on these speakers the dialogue is less crisp

Steven looks like he’s eating cereal while researching?

What is the origin of the staying awake thing like what is it for bc it sounds like it’s for somth paranormal

THE CUT FROM THE BED RO THE ALPS IS ALWAYS SO GOOD

Marc bestie whYYY did u jump out the window ily

Steven’s lips look nice w blood he should wear lipgloss

I wonder if Steven got shot while running away nnjust didn’t notice bc he was too scared

One of the ladies brings a dog to see harrow it’s v cute

Shaky cam following Steven is so gOood

“Call me Arthur” I’ll call u a bitch that’s what I’ll do fuck off

When harrow tells the lady he believes she’s been good but that the scales don’t lie it hits weird when u know he knows he’s unbalanced

I wonder where Marc n Harrow have met before. Like it had to b through or bc of Khonshu or somth with the avatar switch n I wanna know like… bc he doesn’t seem to have actually met met him so maybe he’s been watching the caped stories from afar?? V intriguing.

Steven’s lil eye crinklies :-)

The. Score. I’m. HMGGGHG.

I rlly wanna know which of the Alps switches r Marc vs Jake

Wham :-)

There should b more wham songs in MK and in action movies in general esp beyond Wake Me Up bc there’s some other fantastic songs

I’m glad that we see Steven swear normally bc it wouldn’t feel right if he didn’t

We need to hear him say fuck tho

I like that Khonshu’s voice always seems to be coming from above, like he’s in the overvoid

Oscar has such good acting in every ep but this one esp it’s like

He does such a good job w Steven’s panic

I hope Dylan n Steven get to b friends again

The failed date scene… aughhhhh

I NEED TO SEE

FRENCHIE

Call 32 looking at u so hard

Watching this on a big screen in a dark room truly brings out the creep factor n makes all the darker scenes so much more fun n dramatic

Also Steven mentions contacts which I assume he actually had w the glasses

Also fuck that lady in the elevator who freaked out from Steven just bc he was acting distressed

Also I wonder what Marc did that evening when he took back over for Steven

Also he dressed him in a flat shirt instead of a patterned one that’s such an interesting deet

Idk if I just dk how displays work but are the pillars in the gallery w Ammit on em like remakes or are those real n just not behind glass

Steven asks “are you going to kill me?” So plainly I love him. And hen Khonshu flickers the lights bc no way his avatar isn’t gonna die. Also the speech harrow gives Steven is ab Khonshu but it probably hits more like ab Marc to steven

Steven’s fingers twitch while harrow judges the body

THE PART WHERE HE LOOKS AT HIS REFLECTION N WALKS AWAY N IT DOESNT I LOVE THIS EP GODDDDD

I wonder if Steven watches horror or not I could see him being interested in the effects

I LOVE HOW OSCAR MAKES HIM MOVE N WALK ITS SO FUCKING HHHHHHGVBBB

His poor arm :-(

THE BATHROOM SCENE THE BATHROOM SCENE AHHHGGHHHGGHH

Ur not gonna die. Let me save us.

GOING OUT TO SPACE AHHHH

The way the bandages r hesitant n slow bc the switch is

The wedding ring being cracked in three haha Layla ur marrying three guys

Also didn’t realize the bullet hole in the glass in the credits has their face reflected in it

[mahalshairyballs]

I've added songs to my playlist!

So here's three additional parts with the new songs and the lyrics I find fit them in each !

Here you can find the first parts with the first songs .

Here are Part 6 & Part 7

.

Moonknight playlist Pt5

.

Certain Things - James Arthur

This one is a Steven x Layla song. It's a little bit Marc/Layla too but let's give Steven/Layla their song.

Something about you

It's like an addiction hit me

With your best shot, honey

I've got no reasons to doubt you (doubt you)

'Cause certain things hurt and

you're my only virtue

And I'm virtually yours

(Layla) And you keep coming back,

coming back again

Keep running round, running round

Running round my head

[...]

And there's certain things that

I adore (I'm sorry)

And there's certain things that

I ignore

(let's ignore them)

But I'm certain that I'm yours

Certain that I'm yours

Certain that I'm yours

I adore you, I adore you.

[...]

There's something about you

It's when you get angry

You have me at your mercy

Oh-oh

And you're like a shoulder to turn to

'Cause certain things mend us

When we're hanging on for dear life

We held on so tight (so tight)

[...]

.

Champion- Barns Courtney

This one is either a Marc song, or a song for the whole system.

[...]

'Oh long,

Set my soul

Take my pain

And turn it into gold

'Cause all I know, all I know, all

I know is,

Champion, I can take a beating

Rise again, we're into the

jungle, until the end

I can live forever, I'll rise again

Keep rising up

[...]

Every time when I'm down

It's the struggle that reminds me

[...]

Rise up, rise up hm

[...]

.

The City is at War - Cobra Starship

That one would be a Jake song, there's not that many specific lyrics here for them but the general themes and vibes of the song work for Jake, I'd see it when he drives his taxi/limo.

'The City is at war

Playtime for the young and rich

Ignore me if you see me

'Cause I just don't give a shit

[...]

'Come on!

Live it up while you can

We all lose in the end

No, you don't get another shot,

Bang bang shoot 'em up yeah'

[...]

.

Muthafucka - Beware of Darkness

That one could be a Jake-solo song, but more precisely I think it'd fit really well for a song about Jake & Marc talking to each other and deciding to -finally- get in sync and be Moon Knight together.

Tbh the whole song works really well so I wrote down almost all the lyrics.

'Muthafucka I'm back

From the dead

I'm about to raise hell

Out of my coma

I'm ready to show you

That season of my life is done

Muthafucka I'm here

In the now

I'm about to Zen the fuck out

[...]

No longer prisoner

To the skull sized kingdom

Of my mind

Forget who I was

This is who I am right now

There is no past me

A new beginning is now now now

Give me your trust

Give me your soul

I want the world to know

I want you to know

That I have changed

There is a season, for every part of life

There is a season, My time is now

I'm back

Muthafucka I'm back

Muthafucka It's time, for this world

To know the gifts, You've had since you were born

Let them feel everything

Don't stop at anything

Till everyone on this planet

Knows your name

[...]

I've seen it all

Fought through this life

[...]

.

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

This song is now my Jake/Duchamp theme song. It's decided.

It's Jake's POV, and everything in this song is read with a sexual tension subtext and their first fuck, obviously.

Also I can't stop thinking of Oscar's hippo song when they sing 'I'm dangerous, so dangerous'.

'This is how it's gonna be

This is what you'll think of me

It's going down like I told ya

This is how it's gonna be

I'll be the last man standing here

I'm not going anywhere

It's going down like I told ya

I'll be the last man standing here

(What you gonna do)

I'm gonna rock you

[...]

I'll have you begging for mercy begging for mercy ohh

I'm dangerous

So dangerous

[...]

I'm the baddest mother up in here

And I'm about to make it clear

It's going down like I told ya

[...]

Get ready 'cause here I come

I'm about to come and get me some

Hot as a smoking gets

[...]

.

Diamond Hard - Kerli

This one I'm not exactly sure who it is for. I'm tempting to say it's more a Jake song, and what he wants to project/how he is at the beginning of his arc.

The lyrics work well, the music maybe a bit less.

'You're rolling me in gravel

I'll leave without a scratch

You're throwin' rocks at my way

But I just won't react

The less I see the sun

The brighter I'll become

Outnumbered and outgunned,

That's where I'm shinning at

My skin is soft like velvet

But my nails are razor sharp

My scent is sweet like honey

But I am diamond hard

My ways, they cut through plastic

Rust free my golden heart

[...]

Yeah, I am diamond hard

Unbreakable

[...]

Push comes to shove I'll rebel

Risin' under attack

When no one betting on me,

Is when I'll own the track

[...]

Here are Part 6 & part 7

Here you can find the first parts with the first songs

[juhbebbie]

We are so back

Obsessed with this. You fuckin tell em babe. Also how did the guy not hear several fucking gun shots going off right outside the bathroom door lmfao

Ok serious for a moment. Aside from this panel being absolutely gorgeous, I love the theme of how Marc is constantly fighting tooth and nail to not be the person he fears he is. But he still uses that person as a weapon if he doesn't have any other choice. Ohhh the inherent corruption that takes place in the work he is doing to try to atone. I could go on but I won't

This is actually so cute their bickering<3 "unpredictable mercenary wild cards" suuuure whatever you say guys<33333 also frenchie looks like he's about to fucking snap lmfao

I also love this callback to devil's reign

Holy fucking shit. Cappucio's art will never cease to make my jaw drop. One of my favorite things about it is how in panels like this the lines are blurred and there are no hard outlines. He's standing there like the statue of khonshu from the 80s run (which im sure is intentional), but he also is towering over Marko while he kneels at his feet. Something something religious symbolism you love to see it

Live frenchie reaction

"Mon frère de guerre" though i fuckin love it. That's the frenchie we know and love he's so tired of Marc's bs

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Moon Knight made a ficking eldritch horror

His levels of petty are through the roof. I gotta know though did this actually kill him or did Hydra get the mind control stuff? How did black spectre get his hands on the research?

UNINTELLIGIBLE SOBBING

But okay I think I put it in the tags of some post I rbed but now I can't find it, but I said something to the effect of "I'm scared that Layla is dead because why else would she show up in city of the dead" and yknow. God damn it.

I had assumed (or hoped) that he and Layla would have just grown apart so that he'd end up with Marlene eventually, but this hurts me man. I think it is a little teensy bit messy because why would he or Frenchie never mention her after her death, but trying to write her in so far after the fact was never going to be seamless. Is it a little forced? Perhaps but it was always gonna be. Do I care? Absolutely fkin not I love Layla

This is sweet sorry I called you a bitch 8 ball. I don't think I'd wanna see him as a midnight mission regular, but 8 ball and mk team ups are always delightful (for me. They are usually deeply harrowing for 8 ball)

Aaaaaand that's about it! Except for there is something I need to say about black spectre and who he is but I think it deserves its own post.

Overall really loved this issue a lot. I was initially super annoyed about Laylas death but it does make sense, and it's not like we aren't about to get more Layla content. And I adored seeing her as a mercenary and the subtle nod to her connections based on how she's shown in the Disney Plus show. It's nice they're including those parts of her character, and again I would read the shit out of a solo series of her doing her merc thing and later scarlet scarab thing, depending on the status quo that City of the Dead sets up. Either way, very excited! But if Layla isn't more of a central character throughout City of the Dead I am going to feel somewhat cheated. But maybe we did all get our hopes up a tad prematurely but I hope not!! I think she's a great opportunity to bring in more MCU fans to the comics, and she honestly has so much potential to be a very complex character who can stand on her own.

And then of course it was great to see Frenchie, I would love to see those two reconcile at some point in the future but also if it doesn't happen that would make sense tbh. The crew mk has now is wonderful and a well overdue revamp that meets the character where he's at now and Frenchie just straight up doesn't fit into the status quo at this point. Also let the man rest lol

Be ready for a panel by panel analysis of moon knight #25 okay. Don't worry I'll put it in one post so I'm not a complete fucking nuisance

[julemmaes]

His love beside him

“When are you going to realize that I don’t care about you?“

Thomas Lightwood and Alastair Carstairs angst os

OH BOY, I MEAN

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT I GOTTA KEEP HURTING THEM AND I’M NOT THAT BRAVE TO END ‘EM BAD SO YEAH IT IS ANGSTY BUT ALASTAIR DESERVES TO BE HAPPY

FUCK EVERYTHING

Word count: 3,838

The boy ran a hand over his face holding in a sob. Everything hurt.

The waters of the Thames seemed to want to take him and pull him down, the waves rising bigger every second and the splashes on the wall did not struggle to reach where he was sitting, on the edge of the wall, which ended overhanging the turbid waters. A drop fell on his cheek and the twitch of his eye made him sigh.

He shook his head. No, he would not have cried any more tears that evening. Too many had already been shed. He winced when he touched his cheekbone. He could already feel his skin swelling around his eye as he was struggling to keep it open. He put a finger to his eyebrow and did nothing but touch it that a sharp pain took over his whole face. He dropped his hand, swearing. He wanted to forget everything, get lost for a few hours, but just the idea of touching a bottle of alcohol made his stomach turn. He touched his pocket for the ninth time hoping to find his stelee there, and for the ninth time he ended disappointed. He must have left it to Cordelia.

He took a deep breath thinking of his Layla and his brother, so small, yet forced to grow up quickly, in a house more broken than the one where he had grown up in. He was just hoping the Herondales were calming them down. When he had left her at the Institute with Kia a few hours before she was trembling and had not yet cried, or said a word, since they had left their house.

He knew that James and Matthew were not there when they arrived, the same was true for Lucie, who was now in Idris, but at least William and Tessa would be able to soothe her. And as soon as James knew what had happened he would run to the Institute. He must have caught up with her by now.

Maybe Alastair should have gone back too, he thought, to check on them. But every time he tried to get up the enormity of what had just happened would pour down on him and an invisible force would push him back to the ground.

He tightened the grip around the lamppost, which was off and let the shadows move as they wanted.

That night, he came home exhausted, physically and mentally, from patrolling with Charles and two other shadowhunters their age. The two had remained on good terms after he had broke up with him at James and his sister’s engagement party, but Charles continued to ask him if there was someone else, if he had found someone to keep him company, Not that loved him, as if their relationship had always represented that. As if Alastair represented a lady-in-waiting every time Charles wasn’t in Alicante speaking politics.

I worry about you, Charles told him to justify his nosey character, but Alastair knew he was only doing it so he could have control over his life again. He hadn’t felt love for Charles for some months now, his heart already belonged to someone else, but his chest still tightened whenever they were in the same room.

He had just walked two steps from the door, when his father had stormed out of the kitchen, holding onto the door frame with a dirty hand. The wrinkled hair and clothes and shiny red eyes were enough to show what conditions Elias was in in that moment. And in case the breath that smelled of alcohol and his appearance were not enough proof of his state of intoxication, surely the bottle of gin in the other hand would confirm someone’s suspicions. Alastair couldn’t remember the last time his father was sober.

During Sona’s pregnancy, Elias was sent to the Basilias to get cured and a he came out a new man. Or at least that’s what his mother and sister kept saying once he got home.

Alastair had known him as a drunkard, a slacker, someone too scared to face the reality, but when he was released after the trial, Cordelia had forced himself to be cured. She had begged on his knees and their father had looked at her with tears in his eyes, nodding, shocked. He had thrown himself down next to her, asking for forgiveness and repeating words that to Alastair’s ears had seemed pointless.

No one would give him back his childhood anyway, but he had agreed to go with him up to Alicante and had allowed himself to be hugged when his father had sought comfort in him, feeling for half a second a dash of affection towards the man.

Yet Alastair could not find even a spark of that love as he watched him stumble towards him. He had grabbed his shoulder to keep him standing, when his legs didn’t seem firm enough to hold him up, but he had pushed him against the wall and he had come so close to his face that it was difficult to suppress the gag that had gone up in his throat to the strong smell of sweat and alcohol that his father emanated, "Have at least the decency to do it in your room."

Elias had opened an eye to look at him and then laughed in his face before being shaken by a gag and vomiting on his gear and boots. Clothes he was still wearing.

He looked at his chest holding his breath and, with his hand on his collar, decided that he would rather die of cold than look like a drunken tramp and began to untie the upper part of the gear. As he took his shirt off his head, he touched his face and clenched his teeth to suppress a grunt of pain. He had to find a stelee, and he had to do it fast. The longer he waited, the more the bruise would stay there in perfect view so that everyone could think about what reckless life he led. Not that he cared anyway.

Elias was drinking again right after Sona died. While suckling Kia sitting on the couch, he was draining liters and liters of wine or any kind of alcohol that was in the house. At the beginning he was good at keeping it a secret, but when the empty bottles hidden under the sofa had begun to tinkle, the older children had discovered him and Kia was no longer alone with his father. Not one goddamn time.

When Cordelia found him in those conditions, things ended quickly. She took him out of the chair and, bearing his father’s weight, took him to his room, where he fainted from the amount of alcohol ingested. When Alastair came home to a drunk father, he couldn’t help himself and they started fighting until one of them threw the first punch and the son had to block him before he could break something or get really hurt.

But that night he had only commented that if he would have ever become half the man that Elias had never been, then he could have considered himself proud. His father had straightened up and Alastair hadn’t seen the first punch coming. He had fallen on the ground and had hit his head so hard against the baseboard that he had been stunned for a few seconds and had not been able to react with the same promptness as always.

It was Cordelia who had taken his father off him, who, exhausted by the sprint he had just taken to hit Alastair, did not react at all when he had fallen on the ground. She had taken the minimum necessary and kept Kia on her side, the child’s head hidden in her neck, before running to the Institute. Elias didn’t even try to follow them.

Alastair trembled. The white shirt that remained on him was of no use against the stinging air of London. He turned to look down at the river. A twinge of pain passed through his head and carrying his hand to the back of his nape, hissing when he touched the point where a open cut spread right over the hairline. He decided that yes, he had to go back to the Institute. Most likely he had a concussion and walking around the streets of London half-naked at that hour, with an open wound, it was just a call for trouble.

He heard the sound of swift steps to his right and slightly bending his neck, he saw the blurry figure of a man running towards him. He was yelling something, probably Alastair’s name, because whatever he was saying, the sound was familiar. He blinked his eyes trying to focus, but couldn’t. He put his head on the pole that had supported him until that moment and almost fell back into the black waters of the Thames. A warm hand with a firm grip closed around his arm, blocking his fall, and he vaguely heard the voice of the stranger repeating his name.

His head was starting to spin really hard. He giggled, thinking how ironic it would be if he fell into the river, too, like Cordelia did almost two years ago. The Enclave would certainly have thought that their family had some kind of affinity for fish if they wanted to swim so much.

He felt two muscular arms wrapping around his waist while who had saved him from certain death tried to make him lie down on the ground, putting a hand behind his neck and slowly resting his head on the cold stone. He felt the stranger curse and then the warm and familiar feeling of the stelee on his neck. And then again on his wrist.

He moaned when someone put on him what was supposed to be a jacket and the warmth entered his veins. They sat him up and he found his forehead leaning against someone’s shoulder, someone who smelled something he would recognize everywhere. Lightwood.

A few seconds passed and Alastair was immediately hyperaware of what surrounded him. His head always in the hollow of Thomas' neck while he drew the umpteenth iratze on his neck. And then suddenly he found himself staring into his face, eyes starring eyes, lips a few inches away.

Thomas seemed to realize that the other was at least able to see him, and he sighed with relief, closing his eyes for a second, before taking his chin between his fingers and turning his head sideways. Alastair wasn’t breathing. A little bit for the pain that went gradually diminishing in the eye, a little bit because the last person he would have wanted to see in that moment had just saved his life.

"I’ve been looking for you for the last two and a half hours." breathed Thomas softly, so close to his face that he felt the breath of warm air against his nose, "Cordelia was going crazy when I arrived. There’s James with her now." at the name of his sister he snapped, moving the boy off of him, but dizziness hit him and the other was there to steady him. Alastair shook him off with a sharp movement and saw Thomas' eyebrows squirting upward.

"Did you walk here?" asked Alastair surly.

Thomas seemed confused for a moment, "Of course I walked here. I needed to find and the carriage would have slowed me down." said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if Thomas needing to find him was the most normal thing.

"Where are we?" Alastair asked looking around and not recognizing the place, the head pain almost completely vanished.

"We are close to the Victoria Embankment Gardens," Thomas said, taking a hesitant step towards him, "we are only twenty minutes from the Institute."

"Perfect." he whispered, turning to Thomas, picking up the jacket that had slipped off him and passing it to him. "Thank you for finding me. And for the runes." he said without looking him in the eye. Only in that moment did he realize how much the other seemed shaken, heavy breaths coming out of his lips, sweat dripping down his forehead, on his neck and inside the neckline of his shirt… He looked away quickly, turning towards the other side of the river and deciding whether to pass by the riverside or inland.

"Alastair." Thomas' voice was almost inaudible, but Alastair heard it as loud as a thunder "Maybe you should sit down, you hit your head pretty strong and you might have complications if you don’t relax for a second."

Alastair suddenly turned to him, taking a threatening step in his direction. The other one didn’t move an inch, "What do you know about my head?" he almost growled at him.

"I-" Thomas muttered, "I don’t know, I was just worried about you. The others told me that you were injured and that you practically fled before they could hold you. I don’t know what happened." he said in a hurry. "I left as soon as they told me you were out here unarmed. The others are looking for you, too." Thomas finished, reaching out to him, his coat still hanging in between them. Alastair moved to the side, avoiding his touch and the other flinched as if something had burned him.

"Good. Because nothing happened. Now excuse me, but I have to go to my family." Alastair said, sounding almost awkward. He was about to pass him and walk towards the Institute, when Thomas grabbed him by the arm stopping him, and Alastair trembled for the hundredth time that night, only this time it wasn’t the cold. "Let. Me. Go." he said through his teeth.

"No. Who gave you that black eye?"

Thomas' voice seemed much more confident than a few seconds before and the other found himself thinking they wouldn’t leave so soon. Because he wouldn’t talk and Thomas wouldn’t let him go until he did. But he might as well try.

"It’s none of your business. And I’m sure James has already told you everything." Because Cordelia definitely told her husband what happened.

"I already told you. I left the second I knew you were unarmed. I don’t know anything about what happened. And the sooner you tell me who did this to you, the sooner you can go and do whatever you want." Thomas answered in tone, looking for his gaze. "As long as what you want doesn’t include jumping into the Thames." he ended with a sarcastic smile. And Alastair realized what he was trying to do. He was holding him there to prevent him from running to the Institute and turning his brain to mush.

"I’m not in the mood for your bullshit, Lightwood, so let me go. I gotta get back to Cordelia." he said freeing himself from Thomas’s grip and starting to walk towards Fleet Street. He thought he had made it when the imposing figure of the other appeared before him and he almost hit his nose on Thomas’s chest. He closed his eyes clenching his fists, trying to calm down.

"Move out of my way."

"No."

"Move. I said."

"And I said no." he came even closer, forcing him to step back. "Cordelia must be sleeping at this time," they both knew that was a lie and that, until all the Carstairs siblings were under the same roof, the girl wouldn’t sleep a wink, "Kai as well. So tell me what the hell happened tonight."

"Why do you even care?" even as he said it, Alastair realized how stupid that question was.

He knew full well that Thomas had very strong feelings for him, had stopped hiding them a few months after Alastair’s sister’s marriage, when he had let slip that he had broken up with Charles once and for all, coming out in front of the whole group of friends.

They had started going out more often and there was some stolen kisses, but nothing more. Alastair had stopped reaching out to him when they found out about his father’s relapse, withdrawing into himself.

Not because he was ashamed. No. It wasn’t his thing to be ashamed of. But if something like tonight had happened while Thomas was there with him, he would never forgive himself. There were things, as Shadowhunters, that Alastair could not spare him, but that nonsense that seemed so far from their world, so human, that, he could keep it away from the best part of himself. If it touched Thomas he would become black and dark like everything else in his life, and he could not allow the one light that pushed him forward to go out. He just couldn’t do it.

As he looked away at anything other than the boy in front of him, he heard Thomas laughing, but there was no amusement in that sound. He saw with the corner of his eye that the other was moving to the side, and when he turned to him, he had a hand reaching towards the road, now free from all restrictions. Alastair hesitated, ready to snap sideways if he tried to stop him again, but it didn’t happen, and Thomas stood still behind him.

Until, "Go, Alastair. Go. But just so you know, I’m not gonna wait for you forever."

Everything around him stopped. The wind among the leaves, the roar of the river. His heart.

"I can’t take it anymore." Thomas said in a lower voice, "I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know what your aim is. I don’t know what you want me to do." He took a shivering breath, rubbing his hand on his face, "First, you kiss me-t."

"It was you who kissed me." Alastair interrupted him, remembering the first time Thomas had stooped on him and had laid his lips on-

"Does it really matter?" he asked in an exasperated tone, staying two metres from Alastair, who continued to turn his back on him. "Because I think I’m falling in love with you, Alastair. And I’m terrified." Thomas said, moving towards him, "And I can’t understand why you do this. You push me away and I’m here, loving you, and I see you, Alas. I see you." Thomas' voice was reduced to a whisper now. “I see the way you think you’re all tough and strong. But you don’t have to. If you just let me-”

The tone so hoarse that he hardly recognized his own voice when, without looking at him, he asked him, "When are you going to realize that I don’t care about you?"

Alastair did not see him, but he felt the moment when Thomas’ heart disintegrated. He felt it because his own lay at his feet, cut into pieces. His throat tightened and he thought he could die when Thomas spoke, "This is not who you are." he murmured, keeping his tears at bay. Alastair turned around, quickly closing the distance between them and throwing both hands on Thomas’s chest, who, taken aback, tripped on his own feet, backing away a few steps. An expression of complete betrayal on the face.

"You don’t know anything about me. Much less who I am! So stop!" Now Alastair was screaming and his eyes filled with tears as he approached Thomas again, beating his fists on his chest one more time, "You know nothing! Nothing!" he screamed on his face, looking him in the eyes. "You can’t come and save the day as if it is nothing and say you love me, Thomas! You just can’t, fuck!" he raised his voice even more when he broke down and hot tears of anger rushed down his cheeks.

Thomas, frowny eyebrows, utter shock on his features, looked wide-eyed at a completely broken Alastair. He took his wrists in his hands and when he tried to free himself, he squeezed tighter. A particularly strong sob broke through Alastair, who crouched on the other and Thomas could only carry his arms around the boy he loved and who was now slowly fallin apart under his eyes.

"I don’t want you to end up like me." Alastair finally whispered. Thomas felt his heart breaking again and wondered how it was possible. He squeezed him tighter as he kept crying.

"I won’t end up like you. I promise." he whispered kissing his temple, bringing a hand to caress his head, being carefl not to touch the now-healed wound. "And I promise you that whatever it is, Alastair, we’ll work through it together. You’re not alone in this." he had to clear his throat before he could continue.

"I love you, Alas, I’ve always loved you and this matter never made me doubt my love for you. There hasn’t been a second in my entire life that I’ve looked at you and I haven’t thought about how much you’re worth it." he cupped Alastair’s cheeks in his hands, pressing their forheads together, his eyes closed. "I love you."

Alastair opened his eyes, tiptoeing to kiss him and Thomas went down on him, meeting him halfway, smashing their lips in a kiss full of desperation. He was kissing him as he had kissed him the first time, with passion, as if it were something he could do all day without ever getting tired. The guttural sound that came out of Thomas' mouth made Alastair separate his lips slightly and Thomas took the hint, wrapping his tongue with that of the boy in front of him, in a harmonious dance that didn’t need no music. The only sound that of their breaths mixing to form a battle cry. They moved gracefully, as if they had done it for years and their hands traveled on each other’s bodies, uniting as teeth and tongues collided, ravenous.

They broke off from one another only when the lack of oxygen made them see everything black and were forced to catch their breath.

Alastair was still crying, but now on, his swollen lips, there was a shy smile.

He had his arms wrapped around Thomas' neck and Thomas was holding him, his hands hidden under the thin white fabric of Alastair’s shirt. Every spot where his body came into contact with the skin of the other, burned and in that moment he really believed he could survive only of that feeling.

"What special treatment do you keep for the people you care about if you leave this one to the ones you don’t care about?" Thomas joked, holding him tighter. Alastair laughed and put his head between his neck and his shoulder, whispering idiot.

And after so much time spent denying what he felt for Thomas, he even allowed himself to believe that he would have made it through everything if he had his love beside him.

And he promised himself not to let his light turn off, ever. He would not allow anyone to break what they had just conquered.

taglist:

@tyherondaletrash @clara-sm ​ @panicatwallmaria

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 3]

Birds Of a Feather

(In the previous chapters: after a wild match of a new game called I Have a Ball, the gang can finally start the party; among the guests there are Chris and Matt of Soundgarden, Layne and his girlfriend Demri and a couple of Mudhoney guys; to avoid an embarrassing situation, Sara suggests a game of Never Have I Ever which, despite Stone’s objection, is endorsed by several guests: now they can finally get to the heart of the party)

At this point the guests had basically split in three groups: some of them were stuffing their faces in the kitchen, others were dancing and listening to the music and some were taking their seats in a circle in the middle of the living room to play the game. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” whined Stone as he sat down on the carpet “What did you plan for midnight? Musical chairs or broom dance?” “Stop complaining Gossard, nobody forces you to play if you don’t want to!” Cornell retorted to him and then went on “And actually I planned something great for midnight… you’ll see” “Should we be scared?” Layla wondered aloud as she noticed the devilish grin on Chris’s face. “Not much more than usual” Mike shrugged as he sat on the couch between her and Lukin. “Anyway, there’s no children games or grown up games: a game is a game, then it depends on how you play it” the girl explained then turned around immediately when she heard someone beside her open his mouth. “Yeeeah, and it depends on how much play you get” Elias spoke like he came out of thin air. “Elias?? Where have you been?” “When you grow up, I’ll tell you all about it, my darling one” the guy gave her a blatant wink “Let’s just say that it involved physical activity with a blonde bombshell…” “I didn’t know that indoor plants could be blondes...” “What do you mean, Mr. Cameron?” “I mean that, apparently, you have a thing for ficus plants and you also find ‘em incredibly blonde; I saw you sprawled between them half an hour ago, but I never took you for a-fuck, what’s the name?” “... Dendrophiliac?”  “Yes, exactly! Thanks, Layla, you’re an angel” the drummer flashed at Layla one of his sunny grins, while Elias began to whine. “Matt, what a low blow! I expected that from everybody in this room – except you and Ed, and look where my admiration for you has led me!” “... What kind of hippie freak are you, O’Reilly? Hell, going at it with a vegetable?! And it wasn’t even a carrot or a pickle, what is your damag-” Jeff had looked at him all perplexed, but he was fortunately interrupted by loud coughs made by Layla. “Soooo, everybody here knows the rules?” the girl asked, but was met by skeptical looks “Jeez, what kind of adolescence did y’all have?” “One that didn’t include fun, apparently” Elias shrugged, still licking his wounds after his previous skirmish with Matt. “Ok, I get it: first of all, grab the poison of your choice” and, as she said it, she filled herself a glass of tequila that had been previously hoarded in the middle of the circle with many other kinds of booze. Soon after Sara had shrugged and grabbed a bottle of beer, while Demri helped herself to a glass of sangria and then, one by one, everybody followed their example and was having something alcoholic clenched in their hands. “Very good” Layla cleared her throat “One by one, each one of us begins their sentence with ‘Never have I ever’ and then proceeds to say something they have never done; if you did the thing that has just been said, you have to take a sip of your drink” “Milady, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention” Lukin declared, a hand upon his heart. “Now, this is the most important rule, so pay attention: you have to remember that the winners are the ones who have their glasses at their fullest” “... Layla, are you telling us that having a life as interesting as a sloth’s is the key to success?” Cornell scratched his temple, glancing at her in a perplexed way.  “I think she is” “Well, I have a question” Stone, unexpectedly, raised his hand “You talked about glasses, but many of us have chosen bottles, so it would take ‘em more time to empty that instead of a glass, right? Doesn’t that sound like a huge advantage to any of you?” “... he’s right, they have more booze to drink, that’s unfair!” Mike chimed in, pouting and waving his glass of whiskey in the face of everybody. “That’s not what I meant, Cready, lemm-” “But you can always grab another glass after you emptied the first, man! That’s what I’m gonna do” Lukin patted Mike on the shoulder, showing him his own glass of gin, and the guitarist returned to being his usual cheerful self. “Ok, so, who starts?” Layla asked, rolling her eyes. “Well, since you suggested the game in the first place, it’s only fair that you’re the one who goes first” Eddie answered gently. <The fact I’m also eager to know the things you did and didn’t do has got nothing to do with it, of course> “Oh, ok so ne-” the girl was answering but was immediately cut off by Stone. “Err-Ed, it was actually Sara who suggested it. Or the mysterious person she heard it from” “Huh? Oh yeah, you’re right, you go first, Sara” the singer admitted and mentally counted how many rounds were there before Layla’s turn. “Yeah, Sara, you can start” Layla winked at her friend and everybody else agreed but someone else chimed in again. “I have an idea. Why don’t we all drink a glass of something and the one who empties it faster starts?” McCready suggested.  “That’s what I call starting with a boom, I’m in, man! So 3… 2… 1-” Lukin immediately went along with him and brought his glass close to his mouth. “Nuh-huh, we’re gonna take it slow, it’s less funny if we all get drunk before the start” Layla innocently explained. “Now that’s not exactly true, miss” Lukin addressed the girl in a contrived way. “Everybody shut up! Sara will begin, end of the story” Stone took over and everybody simply agreed without further questioning. <Haha, I got the power> “Well, well, well” Sara tapped the bottle of beer against her lips “Never have I ever…” she stopped and looked Jeff directly in the eye “... got a love letter” Layla promptly gulped a sip of tequila, leaving Ed lost in his thoughts: he couldn’t believe that the Boston piece of shit could be able to make such a significant gesture. “Mikey, what the fuck are you doin’?” “Taking a sip, obviously” “... who wrote you a love letter? When did that happen?!” “My love life isn’t any concern of yours, Stoney” and, that said, McCready finally drank a bit of his whiskey, then turned to a pouty Lukin “Dude, why that sad face??” “...”  Lukin didn’t open his mouth because he was already near the stage of an alcohol-fueled coma, but Mike perceived his silence as a sign of possible discomfort and shame. “Don’t tell me that nobody ever wrote you a love letter!” he added, shocked “That is outrageous! But you don’t have to cry about it, if you want I’ll write you one” “... Elias, put that glass down; nobody’s gonna believe you” Stone changed his victim, who rolled his eyes but did as he had said. In the middle of all that noise, Demri and Layne shared a glance full of complicity and drank almost at the same time, while Chris and Matt clinked their glasses and unironically did the same. “Nobody specified if it had to be sincere or a bet would suffice as well, so…” Cornell smirked, then looked at Eddie, who hadn’t moved a muscle “Ed, you’re not drinking?” “Yeah, I-I’m usually the one who writes ‘em” the singer let out a nervous chuckle, then turned to the girl who was sitting next to him and that was muttering something under her breath “Everything ok, Sara?” The young woman’s gaze at Jeff was literal lava, ready to boil all over him. “That piece of shit… he doesn’t even have the balls to admit it, fuckin’ unbelievable” she snorted, then added in a loud voice “Somebody in this room is so full of shit it’s not even funny” When Jeff gave her a perplexed glance, she went on: “Yeah, I’m talking about you” “Man, what does she mean with that?” Elias went near the bassist in order to satisfy his curiosity, but the guy just shrugged. “She must have forgotten to take her medicine, you’ll get used to it” Jeff reassured him as he kept eye contact with Sara. <So what? Only because I’m lucky with girls, it doesn’t mean I gotta receive stupid love letters every day… And since when is this any of her business? Is she jealous? She fuckin’ hates me, how can she be jealous? And why does she fucking hate me anyway? Can’t we just have fun without problems for once?> Seeing the vein pulsing on her temple, Eddie put a hand on the girl’s arm: “Don’t mind him, you know how he is” he paused a second, then beamed with enthusiasm “Now it’s my turn!” “Who said that?” Stone asked after gazing from Sara to Jeff during their exchange like the spectator of a tennis match. “Well, we’re following the order…” Eddie explained pointing at Sara sitting next to him, then at himself, then towards Lukin and the other people sitting on the couch. “Who decided it’s counterclockwise?” Mike wondered. “How can you say cun- cou- caunt- county- oh fuck, how can you say that fuckin’ word when drunk?” Lukin tried to make a point. “Sadly not drunk enough, my friend” Mike wiped invisible tears from under his eyes while the bass player patted him on the leg. “Who cares if it’s clockwise or not, let’s go on!” Jeff huffed at Stone and flailed his arms, anxious to go on with the game, mostly to shift the attention on something else. “So – cough, cough! – can I?” Eddie hesitantly demanded. “Yeah, sure!” everybody prompted him to go on. “Ok so… uhm… never have I ever… got back with an ex” he said looking intently at the carpet beneath his feet. Some people drank, some people didn’t. Mike drank from his glass as Layla left hers untouched and gave him a puzzled look.  “Really, Mike?”  “What can I say? The soul is willing but the flesh is weak”  Layla nodded embarrassed and when she looked at Eddie, he looked down again pretending not to be staring at her, now acting preoccupied with his fingernails. <So she didn’t. But she wanted to. Does she still? She would be back with him already if it  wasn’t for the snow. It’s just a matter of time anyway… Shit, I should have asked ‘Never have I ever WANTED to get back with an ex’. I’ll wait for my next round... Will it be too obvious?> “Guess it’s my turn now” Lukin shrugged then stood up from the couch for no reason. “You don’t have to stand up to say the thing, Matt” McCready reminded him but he acted like he didn’t hear him. “Never have I ever… lied to a friend to avoid a greater evil” he stated then plopped back down on the couch with a burp. “Wait... this is a normal question” Jeff frowned as he, like everybody else, was expecting some senseless stuff. “Isn’t it alright?” Lukin asked and was about to stand up again, not without any effort, but Layla promptly pulled him down right away. “It’s alright, Matt, the question is perfect” she said and proceeded to drink from her glass. Steve, who hadn’t drunk in the first two rounds, did the same, just like Sara, Mike and literally everybody else. “Mikey, you basically did everything” Layne joked. <Yeah, finally something I actually did for real> the guitarist pondered and smiled. “Well, once I said I had troubles at home with my family and couldn’t make it to rehearsal. But I actually went to a party and got shitfaced” “YOU DID WHAT?” Stone and Jeff attacked him almost at the same time while the others just laughed. “You liar! And I was even worried about you” Stone shook his head. “You were worried only because you had paid to book the practising space in advance!” the other guitarist retorted, sticking his tongue out at him. “Do it again and I’ll bust your head wide open” Ament threatened pointing his finger at him. “You’re one to talk! Did you forget when you came late to soundcheck at the Off Ramp and said it was because of a jammed brake pad in your truck you had to check?” Mikey ironically asked “But what you actually had to check out was instead that girl from 7-Eleven?”  “YOU WHAT? GUYS, I’M SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED” Stone folded his arms and gave them both a scolding look. “Well yeah, I can understand Mike, but I thought you were more focused on art, honestly” Eddie chimed in with a shitty grin on his face. “Huh, not you too, please!” “What does it mean you can understand me? I’m focused on my art too” the guitarist acted offended “Sometimes you just need a break, you know?” “Come on, give Jeff a break! And you’re right Mike, don’t listen to them! It’s your turn now” Layla tried to bring peace in the gang and asked him to go on with the game. “Thank you, Four Eyes! It’s your turn, Judas” Jeff looked up at the girl, then stared at Mike with narrowed eyes. “Ok, so… uhm… never have I ever flown on a dragon” he said as he brought up his glass as if he was making a toast.  “Hahaha, shut up! That’s not valid, man” Elias blurted out laughing at the guitarist’s face, just like anybody else in the circle. “Why not? You shut up” “Err, Mikey, actually… I think Elias is right in this particular circumstance: you can’t make unreal statements” Layla scratched her head and tried to convince him without irritating him. “Oh sorry, Miss Boulais, I didn’t know this rule. I’ll come up with something else” McCready reassured her and Layla sighed with relief “Never have I ever… been to Mongolia” Everybody giggled and Layla facepalmed. Of course nobody drank. “Mike, the aim of the game is not drinking, you know that, right?” Layla whispered into his ear. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my strategy!” he winked at her and then asked the group before taking the umpteenth sip “So? Nobody? Ok, looks like I gotta drink then” “You seem to ignore other rules too though, did you know that?” Lukin broke the silence right when Layla was thinking about her statement. “Which rules?”  “Once you said your Never have I ever, you can’t actually change it… unless you take a penalty” Matt went on to explain and for a moment Eddie detached from the situation and observed the scene as an external spectator. <Two drunk grown men debating about the rules of Never have I ever, and it’s not even midnight> “He had to change it because it wasn’t valid, not because he wanted to change it himself” Chris pointed out. “Right, Chris, thank you! I love you man, did I ever tell you? Oh, and what was this penalty supposed to be anyway?” “Easy. You had to drink all player’s cups. But since you didn’t want to change it yourself…” Lukin shrugged and Mike suddenly sat straight up on the couch. “OH, BUT I WANTED TO!” “Haha, but you just said-” Layne chuckled at him while Demri muttered to herself she was expecting this comeback. “FORGET WHAT I SAID” “But Chris just said-” Cameron wanted to join in the fun too. “FORGET WHAT HE SAID, FUCK CHRIS, OK??”  “And he said he loved me!” Chris pretended to cry on his drummer’s shoulder and Matt patted his head. “Stop being an animal, Cready, and let Layla speak. It’s her turn” Gossard reproached him and Mike sulked like a child. “Ok so… mmm…” Layla collected her thoughts and then spoke in one single breath “Never have I ever led anyone to believe I liked them whereas I actually had a crush on their best friend and so was just leading this person on to get to their friend”  “This is… very specific, El” Sara squinted at her, trying to understand what her friend was up to. “It’s just an average game question” Layla shrugged but didn’t convince the other girl. <She’s a worse liar than Mike> Only Stone and Jeff drank, therefore getting a reproach from Layla herself. Ed didn’t drink and this was a sort of answer to Layla’s little suspects about him and her roommate. She smiled at him but was almost more shocked about someone else not drinking. “... Mike?” “Yes, babe?” “You didn’t drink” “Sure I didn’t. I’d never be such a jerk to a woman!” he replied with a disgusted face making everybody laugh, whereas Layla beamed and kissed him on the cheek. “Your kindness is stronger than your thirst, I’m impressed” “My turn now!” Elias yelled and everyone focused on him “Never have I ever… thought a friend’s mom, ehm, a friend’s parent was hot”  “Wow, a dirty question, who would have thought!” Sara rolled her eyes but also drank soon after.  “What??” her roommate was sincerely surprised.  “Well, that was really unexpected… color me impressed!” Steve grinned at her, raising his glass high in her honor. “Some dads are really something else, you can’t deny that” Sara justified herself and high fived Demri, who had just taken a sip as well “Let’s just say that this particular man made me re-evaluate the role of hideous Speedo swimsuits in society” “Amen, sister” Demri let out a loud cheer and patted her on the shoulder. “Are you really drinking?” Cameron gave Cornell a weird look. “Don’t you remember the story about Kevin’s mom?” the singer clarified. “Haha right, I forgot”  Mike drank but nobody was surprised. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Jeffrey!” Stone reacted sadly at Ament drinking from his cup. “You’re such a bigot” the bass player grinned broadly. “I’ll never let you anywhere near my house and my mother again”  “It’s not your mom that I find hot, don’t worry” Jeff tried to reassure him but got an unexpected reaction. “Why? What’s wrong with my mom?” “N-nothing, it’s just-”  “So you think my mom is ugly?”  “Not at all, Mary Carolyn is such a nice woman”  “Oh, so now you’re on a first name basis! Do you think you have a connection or something?” “No, you just said that-” “Keep your dirty hands off my mother!” “You’re all making it up. I only meant that-” “Jeff, you’re stuck in a vicious circle. The only way out is to drop the subject and make your Never have I ever statement, since it’s your turn. Trust me” Steve gave precious advice to Jeff, who nodded and focused on what to say.  “Never have I ever burnt bridges with somebody without any reason and without giving them the chance to explain themselves” “... Damn, Ames, you take no prisoners” Chris let out a low whistle, and the bassist shrugged, waiting for the inevitable glasses raised, but they never came. “Fancini, you ain’t thirsty?” he raised an eyebrow and received a middle finger as a reply. <Yeah, there was absolutely no fuckin’ need to hear ya explaining why the fuck you acted like an utter piece of shit – the reasons were all there, so you can put this bottle up your ass!> the girl thought, trying to ignore him. “Seems like nobody’s gonna drink this round, so… BOTTOMS UP!” Layne clapped his hands while Jeff stood up and emptied his cup. “I swear I wanted to say the exact same thing, I had it on the tip of my tongue!” Mike whined – he hadn’t taken a sip because he hadn’t totally understood what the hell his bandmate had said, but if that question had allowed him to gulp down his drink, then he was sure that it had to be something brilliant. “Well… seems like it’s your turn, Stoney!” Layla chirped, a bit in high spirits but with her hands steady, now intent on refilling Ament’s glass.  “Never have I ever avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier, so I regretted not doing anything about it before” Stone laid it out as simple as that without losing the smirk on his face, looking left and right at the bunch of friends. <That was pretty easy…> Gossard thought <This is not a New Year’s party, it’s a reunion of the Unfinished Business Club... Well, am I the one to talk?> When Stone and Layla made eye contact, the girl thought the question was directed right at her. Everybody knew about her ex boyfriend by now. What they didn’t know was that their relationship was over before the “Eddiegate” and way before she put an actual end to that. She’d always been aware that things weren’t good, that she was just too attached and insecure to let him go. <I chose an allegedly perfect boyfriend who was never actually there over dealing with actual people and the whole process of getting to know each other. I was so scared, and still am, that I’d rather not risk it and preferred a relationship that didn’t make sense anymore> At the same time Layla instinctively looked at her left towards Eddie and stole a quick glance of him knitting his eyebrows as if he was pondering something. He didn’t seem someone who would avoid obstacles to her, she couldn’t imagine him running away from problems, she liked him for being honest and straightforward. <Yeah, I do like him> she said as she figured out she had two reasons to drink and took a sip from her cup. As Stone spoke, for some reason Eddie’s mind immediately went to the mixtape he had sent over to them a few months earlier. All his feelings about his family, his mom, his dad, his stepdad, everything he had kept bottled up for so long and suddenly came out all at once. At times he thought it was too bad or too late, some other times he even believed there was still hope for him. It was always either black or white for him, nothing in between. And he started to think that maybe if he had addressed his issues before, his life wouldn’t be the rollercoaster of emotions it was.  <Thinking about roller coasters…> he said to himself as he looked towards the right and saw Layla drinking. Eddie saw the situation very clear for a minute. How could he blame her for trying to get in touch with her boyfriend again, when he did absolutely nothing about her in the meantime? He had never told her anything or asked her out, except for the failed attempt to go to the movies with her alone. Was it too late for that too or was there any hope left? In doubt, he drank from his glass too. Next to Stone, Jeff had let out a huge sigh and rolled his eyes: leave it to his best friend to pour some lemon and salt over the wound, then worsen the situation by twisting a rusted knife inside of it and letting it fester. He suddenly felt a great wave of fatigue washing all over him, and pinched the bridge of his nose because he had the feeling that a headache was behind the corner; it didn’t matter how many miles he had tried to put between himself and the first half of that particular year they were about to say goodbye to: the past had its ways to come back and bite you in the ass, and his nights spent by mulling over years and years of regrets and lost chances could prove it. Just thinking about Andy was still able to give him nausea, because his mind inevitably drifted to the last time he had seen him – hooked up to the machines, an unrecognizable empty shell where once had stood a bright young man, full of hopes and dreams bigger than his own life. Andy’s addiction had always been the notorious elephant in the room: everybody knew it was there, but nobody acknowledged its existence. They had tried to make him understand how serious his situation was – how jeopardizing it would have been for their careers – and, for a while, it had seemed to work: he had been sober for a few months and was positive about their future, confident about their imminent success. In the morning of that goddamn day he was supposed to go to the gym with him, but instead had called him to say that he didn’t feel good; his voice had been kinda scratchy, but Jeff had thought nothing of it – he was sick and didn’t need a nanny around, the day after he would have been good as new, that’s what he had told himself… that’s also what he had repeated to himself when he had stepped inside the hospital that same evening, cursing himself because he should have understood that something was wrong in his voice and it hadn’t been the sickness talking, but the heroin. He had also cursed Andy for throwing their jobs out the window, then cursed again himself for being a shitty human being who in that moment could only think of financial stability and not the fact that his friend wasn’t there anymore and that the lifeless corpse lying on the bed was a reminder of how nobody – not even the brightest fellows – in the end can save themselves. Now his thoughts drifted to the last New Year’s Eve party he had attended, where Andy had been gushing nonstop over The Miracle by Queen: he had been sober for a while and his eyes were literally sparkling while he talked about the English band’s latest single and eponymous album. Nobody could compete with the level of enthusiasm that Andy always showed when he talked about Queen – nobody, except maybe one person. Jeff raised his head and looked in front of him, where a pale-faced Sara was sitting with her legs crossed: even from his place he could see how in this moment her dark lipstick and metallic eyeshadow stood out on her face. <Avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier… regretted not doing anything about it before…> Stone had been a direct witness of how messed up he had become five years before, when he had spent a whole week being dead worried and then it had only taken Sara a few minutes to make his world crumble around him, but he didn’t think his friend would be capable of using that piece of information to gain some advantage in a stupid game… right? Unless Stone had suddenly developed some serious telepathic skills, it would have been simply impossible: after all, it was a conclusion he had come to just in the last few weeks, so the deliberate jab at him had to be ruled out. After more than five years, Jeff had finally convinced himself that yes, that infamous day he could have indeed done something more; he could have persisted, insisted to talk to her and demanded some explanations after she had told him to leave her alone forever because, apparently, he had ruined her life and there was nothing he could do to fix it. She had clearly been in distress and he had obviously noticed it but, foolish as he was, he had preferred to indulge her instead of pushing the subject further on and trying to understand how he could help her. Sara had always been a reserved person – one could say that she resembled a vault – but maybe, with the right words and intentions, he would have been able to breach her notorious armor of stubbornness and pride, and she wouldn’t have disappeared for so many years, or at least they wouldn’t have been in those horrible terms. Maybe. He let out a sigh and drank from his glass and, in that exact moment, the girl fixed her gaze on him and noticed that he was already staring at her; she wrinkled her nose and turned her face away, as to avoid his inquisitive gaze: the last thing she needed was someone trying to understand what was going on in her mind. <Fuckin’ Gossrad and his disturbed competitiveness…> He was referring to that goddamn July of 1985, she was sure of it; he hadn’t been there when the outburst had taken place but he surely had comforted Jeff after it: that’s how those two rolled, talking shit about each other but always rushing to the aid of the other one whenever something – someone – terrible had happened to him. And that’s what she had been for Jeff: something terrible – something terribly weird, irritating, plain stupid like only a teenager can be; something to laugh about with his friends, to parade around like a shitty trophy, to forget as soon as the game had ceased to be funny, along with his old fake-ass personality and behavior, and never again to be talked about. It didn’t matter if her heart clenched whenever he laughed because he still got wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, like he used to do… she had to bury that annoying buzz deeper, alongside their old selves – fake or not – that they had so meticulously killed.  No laughter or smile could carry the same meaning of five years before. She couldn’t be fooled: she was the first one whose eyes couldn’t smile anymore, no matter how broad the grins she displayed were. She also couldn’t care less if anybody – her aunt Liliana, Leo, even Eddie – told her that she needed help, that she couldn’t go on like this, always internalizing, always stifling what she really felt, always thinking she had to face everything on her own… they could keep on babbling, she was still the one who in the end got to make the decisions. <Ok, my whole life has been a perpetual avoidance of every fuckin’ problem until it has all become a majestic mess, and there isn’t a single day that passes without me thinking I could have done something better with my life… so what? Does this give everybody the right to tell me how I should or should not live? Don’t think so> The girl finally ended her internal monologue with a scoff and emptied her glass, without the slightest intention of making eye contact with anybody. 

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Short Girl Summer || Ariana & Nell

TIMING: During Midsommer Nightmare POTW PARTIES: @nelllraiser & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: Freaking out over her newly found shoplifting hobby, Ariana runs to Nell to see if she can help get Otto out of her head. 

With yet another backpack full of shoplifted items, Ariana was beginning to freak out a little bit. Between all the overwhelming things going on and now having someone in her head, she was about to have a full on meltdown. Whoever was in her head needed to get the fuck out. It dawned on her that Nell seemed to know a lot about different kinds of magic and would be her best bet for help. She shot her a quick text that she was coming by before running over. She was a bit winded as she greeted, “Nell, hey! Sorry to like come over out of the blue, but I’m freaking out a little bit here and I think if anyone would know what the fuck is going on with me, it’d be you.” 

It was one of the rare moments Nell was actually inside the Vural house, not spending all that much time inside its walls even though Bea was back. The perimeter spell pinged on her wrist as someone crossed the property line, and thanks to Ariana’s message, she was able to meet the interloper on the porch of the house, raising a hand to wave to the other girl. “Hey!” she called out with a smile. But it quickly turned to vague confusion as she took in the girl’s appearance and state. “Have you been...running? Are you alright? There’s not anyone chasing you, right?” Had the last of Celeste’s parents come? Or perhaps Layla’s? Already, she was reaching for one of her hidden knives, hypervigilance making her be safe rather than sorry. “What’s going on with you?”

It didn’t dawn on Ariana just how alarming her appearance was until she saw the confused look on Nell’s face. She looked bad. She’d been running with a backpack filled with stolen goods and she was growing more antsy with the other person inside her head. “No, no,” she explained as her voice still sounded winded, “No one’s chasing me. I just--- I may have a lot of stolen shit in my backpack due to the current thief living inside my head.” She gasped in a few deep breaths. Why she sprinted instead of running a comfortable pace, she didn’t know, but everything seemed to be piling on in a way that made her doubt her own sanity. “I should back up with that. I’ve had someone else’s thoughts in my head and I guess they’re like a klepto or something. I thought maybe you’d know what kind of magic could cause that… and maybe make them get the fuck out of my head.” 

The tension in Nell’s shoulders faded away as Ariana confirmed that she wasn’t being pursued, though it would take a moment longer for all the nerves that had gathered in her stomach to melt away entirely. It always took longer to rid herself of the alarm than it took for it to come on these days. Still...Nell’s confusion was palpable for a moment as Ariana explained. “Thief living in your head…” the witch echoed, trying to figure out why that sounded familiar. “Wait, have you been having dreams and stuff, too? Like weird ones? And sometimes you wake up from them with injuries?” Could this be what Morgan and Harsh had been talking about? Nell herself had experienced bits of it. Then as an afterthought- “...what did you steal?” she asked curiously, looking around at the backpack.

It became obvious that the stress was beginning to catch up to Ariana. She hadn’t meant to have such a freaked out reaction to stealing every shade of liquid lipstick she could get her paws on, but here she was, opening her backpack and showing Nell the assorted makeup and snacks currently residing in her backpack. She remembered from the one time she came over with Celeste and Ulfric that Nell loved Takis, so she handed her a bag. “Yep, definitely been having weird dreams. Apparently I’m not the only one. Are you having them, too,” she asked with a concerned look on her face. Her own panic quickly turned into worry for someone else. Though she did need to chill with the stealing. Werewolves and prison did not mix. Waking up bleeding was also not a good time either. “Yeah, thankfully startling awake before injuries can get too bad, but it’s freaky and I hate it.” She looked back up to Nell and asked, “Do you know what could cause something like this?” 

Nell’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly at Ariana’s haul, not exactly being a do-gooder herself, but this seemed like quite the steal. “Oh wow that’s...a lot.” Her gut reaction was to ask whether or not Ariana was alright, but the answer to that question was obviously ‘not quite.’ But she cooed a please “Ohhhh,” as Ariana offered the Takis, not hesitating for a moment to rip them open and dig in. There was no quicker way to Nell’s heart than Takis, and it seemed like the witch’s familiar refused to be left out as the Ovinikk, also named Taki, appeared, immediately beginning to meow insistently for the food. “Thanks! Do you want some, Ari?” Nell nodded in response to Ariana’s questions, trying to be the calm in the situation. At this point, there was little that surprised Nell when it came to White Crest and its fuckery. “But yeah, I’ve been having some. And I’ve heard of a few other people having them. The fact that it’s affecting so many people would mean that it’d have to be a lot of witches casting the spell if it was that sort of magic. And even then, it would be tricky. I’m not sure exactly what’s causing it but...I don’t expect it to be anything good.” She led the werewolf towards the couch, not liking the way she’d seemed distressed only a few moments ago. “Here, come on- sit down. You’re probably tired after coming all the way here. Are you thirsty?”

Ariana knew this looked bad. Given it was bad, but she didn’t want to totally freak Nell out. She still felt like she was buzzing, but she tried to visibly calm herself at least. It wasn’t as if Nell hadn’t had a lot going on lately, too. It seemed like everyone did these days, but she held out some hope that maybe Nell would know how to at least get Otto out of her head. It would hardly fix all of her problems, but at least he wouldn’t be able to find out any more about her or even worse, about the mess she’d gotten herself into with Lydia and Ace. She smiled weakly as Nell took the Takis and Taki came to join. “Yeah, I’ll take a few,” she said as she grabbed a handful from the bag. They were pretty solid as far as snack food went. She followed Nell in and took a seat on the couch. Her head was still spinning though she let herself relax a little bit. “Right, I hate that. I think I preferred the murder mimes,” she huffed as she leaned back into the couch, “I doubt it’s good and having someone in my head on top of everything else going on is driving me a little crazy.” Then there was the fact she had to keep her thoughts on Lydia guarded. “A drink would be good,” she answered. Once Nell returned with a drink for her, she asked, “So, do you at least know who is in your head?” 

Nell handed the drink to Ariana before settling on the couch next to her. Taki immediately jumped into her lap, rubbing his face against her hand in demand for some of the chips. He didn’t have to beg as Nell offered him one of the spicy tubes, and Taki chomped it down in a flash. Then she set the bag between her and Ariana, so that they might share. “You know...I never thought I’d say this, but I think I prefer murder mimes too. At least you can stab them and they die.” And they don’t know all your deepest, darkest secrets. “Is it ever good having someone else in your head?” But what else was driving Ariana crazy? Was it Celeste related things? “Are you...doing alright?” she tried her best to ask, realizing that maybe she should have checked in with Ariana more often. “But yeah, it’s some girl named Norma. She’s really weird, and tried to throw me under the bus in a dream witch trial. What about you? Do you know who you have? What do you know about them? Maybe if you need to, you can just leverage knowledge over them in return if it’s complicated.”

It was hard to not find the large cat enjoying Takis. Like witch, like cat? Was that a thing? While Ariana knew quite a few spellcasters, the whole world of magic was still a bit of a mystery to her. “It’s pretty cute that your kitty likes Takis, too,” she noted with a laugh. She sank further into the couch and longed for the days of murder mimes. At least Celeste had still been alive then, too. “Stab ‘em or eat ‘em-- both work. They taste like croissants and disappointment though. Mine turned into a freaking striped werewolf which-- rude.” Her head tilted a bit and she realized Nell made a good point. “True, it’s not ever good having someone else in there. Guess I just have things going on that require some degree of discretion.” She faltered a bit when Nell asked if she was alright. She’d never been a good liar and she supposed there was no need to lie to Nell. “Honestly, not really, but like I’m not in immediate danger or anything.” Ace was though. Her fight with Rio also still left her a bit reeling. “I think I have a way to make most things better, at least.” She vaguely remembered a Norma from Layla’s birthday party. “That is weird. A dream witch trial? That’s not fun. At this point, I don’t know, but they’re sketchy as fuck. Guess I can count on the fact we both probably have dirt on each other to not cause too much trouble.” She went over the thoughts that weren’t hers in her head. “Well-- definitely some sort of thief. They think about some chick named Nadia a lot. Apparently she looks hot on a motorbike. They’re a bit judgy-- apparently bell bottoms aren’t cool.” She looked to Nell still concerned. “Norma’s not giving you problems, right? I’d totally bite and fight someone a little for you.” 

Nell looked fondly towards Taki as Ariana mentioned him, feeding him another little chip. “I taught him well,” she joked lightly. The bond between her and the familiar was as strong as ever, and Nell found herself grateful for the millionth time in her life that the black Ovinikk had chosen to come through for her during the summoning ritual on her fifteenth birthday. “He’s also an Ovinikk so- he tends to like spicy things, too.” As if affirming the words, a small burp tickled the front to Taki’s mouth, a lick of flame spouting forth via the bodily function along with a small puff of soot. “You ate your’s?” Nell confirmed with a smidgen of amusement. Maybe some would say it was a strange form of auto-cannibalism, but there was something strangely funny about the concept to the witch. Then she sobered once more, looking over Ariana carefully. “You’d let me know if you needed help...right?” She didn’t want to be overbearing when it came to Ariana’s problems, but she also didn’t want to find the young wolf impaled on a silver sword one day. The mention of her nightmare only caused her stomach to turn over once again as she remembered the pile of bodies she’d killed, the ones wearing the faces of her friends. “Yeah, not really fun. But I’m glad you have something to hold over his head if he decides to fuck off with some of your dirt.” As for Nadia. “Oh, I know her. Luce hangs out with her a decent amount. And no she hasn’t really given me problems she’s just sort of...strange. Thank you for your fierce offerings in these trying times, though,” Nell finished on a lighter note.

The little huff of a flame that came out of Taki’s mouth when he burped was too adorable and Ariana cooed over him. “Oh my god, I’ve never heard of an Ovinikk before, but I’m convinced he’s the cutest one.” It was easier to focus on an adorable versus pondering her own problems which seemed to be an endlessly growing list at the point. All of it just made her miss Celeste that much more. Somehow, she always knew what to do. Or at least, she had always made it seem that way. Even when they were both still kids, she always had this composure about her that made everything feel like it was going to be okay. Without that guiding force, she felt all the more lost. At least she could laugh a bit at how she handled her mime. “Well, like not totally. It tasted like stale croissants, but it tried to kill me so fight or flight kicked in and I turned into a wolf. It also turned into a striped, silent wolf. Kinda had to go for the throat to not get killed and all. Dipped when my friend’s mime turned into a fucking bear though because no thank you.” Part of her felt guilty when Nell asked if she would tell her if she needed help. She knew handling the Lydia thing on her own wasn’t the smart idea, but she did have it handled. At least, she thought she did. “I would, yeah. I think I have most things to the point where I can work them out, but if it gets to be too much or I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, I’ll let you know. Winston kind of made me assure the same thing, too.” She hoped Nell would have an answer for the whole shared brain thing, but it seemed White Crest was just being… well, White Crest. “Well, glad yours isn’t too much trouble. I don’t think mine will be seeing as we’ve worked together a bit in the past. Didn’t realize he was in the business of relieving people of things they don’t need, but you know, whatever.” She shrugged even though it still stressed her out. He was asking about Lydia aka the last thing she needed anyone knowing about. 

Nell was pleased to see that Ariana seemed to have the same opinions as her when it came to Taki and his cuteness factor. Taki, meanwhile, had been uncertain about the werewolf before— but fickle and prideful beast that he was, he promptly rolled over and splayed his legs into the air in his cutest position, quite happy to be receiving the adoration he was certain he deserved. “You’re absolutely right,” Nell confirmed with her strong bias. “You should have downed some butter along with it,” she commented with a hint of humor. “Could have made it a whole snack. But fair enough to draw the line at wolf mimes.” But her light tone only went so far while she listened to Ariana’s insistence that she could handle it. Where had she heard something like that before? She thought hard for a long while before coming to the embarrassing conclusion that it had been from her own mouth, countless times throughout her life. “RIght- I’m not surprised Winston made you promise, too. They’re probably dealt with me enough to recognize another spicy salsa girl when they see one.” Then she carried on a little more seriously. “But seriously don’t hesitate to ask either of us if you need anything. And keep those glamours charged in case you need them.” As for the linked thoughts situation...Nell wished she could have provided something more helpful than a place to hide with stolen goods. “I’m sure it’ll all blow over. Everything always does in White Crest.” One way or another. “But obviously feel free to hang around until you think you can safely leave with a bag of stolen goods,” she teased lightly.

As Taki rolled over, Ariana found herself cooing and smiling over him. She loved when Luna would do the same pose, but she wasn’t sure how the not so little creature would feel about belly rubs. So she watched in adoration instead. She couldn’t help but laugh at the butter comment. “You know,” she said through giggles, “That actually would have made it better. Guess I’ll have to leave the mimes a Yelp review.” The mimes imitating her and wolves was still insulting. “Oh yeah, clear the hard line there. Werewolves aren’t supposed to be striped or silent.” It meant a lot that she found a community of her own. Maybe it wasn’t all wolves, but it was nice that Nell felt inclined to look out for her. The same went for Winston. She had plenty of support to get her through some of these crazy times, it was just hard to not feel entirely overwhelmed in this thick of things. “I appreciate the standing offer for help. With you, Winston, and the other wolves by my side, it’d take a really stupid person to mess with me.” She laughed slightly, “I guess just knows how us spicy short girls work. They’ve been very… I think great about covers it.” She glanced down at what used to be Celeste’s glamour on her right hand. It’d been a bit since she’d charged her own. “I’ll have to do that when I get home. I haven’t tried it in a while, but not looking like me could always come in handy.” The thought to use it to spy on Lydia again popped into her head, but she knew that was a terrible idea. She was sure this support system she built up wouldn’t want her being needlessly reckless. She relaxed a bit into the couch taking a handful of Takis. “Thanks, Nell,” she responded, “I feel a lot better, but if you’re down for a movie or something, we could do something actually fun.” As Nell went through the channels picking something to watch, she felt at ease for the first time since her thoughts had been hacked.

[packsbeforesnacks]

This is Side One || Ariana & Winn

TIMING: Tuesday, June 2nd, 2020, Sunset LOCATION: Winn’s car. PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett & @packsbeforesnacks SUMMARY: Winn picks Ariana up to have a night watchin’ stars at the cabin. On the car ride over, the two have a conversation about grief, and about the future for Ariana and the pack. WARNINGS: Depression and grief, sibling death mentioned (Celeste). SOUNDTRACK: “Dead on Arrival” by Fall Out Boy

Although she was still a little bit upset at Winn for not giving a warning that he was leaving town, Ariana knew she didn’t want to hold a grudge against him forever. Celeste’s death had been a reminder of just how fragile life was. It was better to hear him out now and work towards getting back to being good again. She’d always considered other wolves family in a sense, even Salva who pissed her off to no end, but now it felt more important to cherish that bond. To hold on to the people she cared about and never let go. She’d given Morgan and Deirdre a wave before heading out the door, backpack in tow, in the same leggings and soccer team t-shirt she’d worn the last two days. She’d been sitting on the steps, weight pressed back in her palms, staring up at the sky until she saw Winn’s car stopping in front of the house. She slowly pushed herself off the step and dragged herself toward the car. Moving in general still took about all the energy she had it in her to muster. She let herself in the car and greeted, “Hey, I’m glad you’re back.” She lightly punched his arm. “Now no leaving town again without telling me, okay?”

A lot had gone on in Winn’s absence, but nothing really made him feel worse than not bein’ able to be there for Ariana in her time of need. He couldn’t have known — or… well, he could have known. Had he just fixed his damn phone, not felt like he had the luxury of waitin’. He knew about the bounty. He should’ve been prepared. But he knew, now. Knew he wouldn’t do that again, knew that his pack, because… well, they were, now, deserved at least a heads-up next time. Noah, most of all, but… well, Ariana and Layla were next down. “I’m glad to be back,” Winn agreed as Ari hopped in the car. “Now, tell me whatcha want for food, nothin’ is too extravagant. And I am not,” Winn added, because it was his lot in life now, “tryin’ to bribe you, I promise. Just worried y’all don’t eat when I’m not around, it’s the southern in me.” He turned the music down a skosh, giving Ari a once over. It didn’t seem, like, great to tell her she looked a bit shit, given the circumstances, but Winn did kinda want to throw her into a shower and give her the fluffiest pajamas. So, there was that. “Um, so,” was there a good way to start this? probably not, “for what it’s worth, I am sorry. For makin’ y’all worry. And for fightin’ Blanche without, like, at least a referee-wolf there. Or in human form. Or somethin’.” He grimaced. “I’m the pack dummy.”

As pissed off as she had been, Ariana was glad to have Winn back in town. More importantly, he was safe. She wasn’t sure she could handle losing someone else right now. It already felt as if somehow gravity’s pull on her became stronger and kept her laying on the ground most of the time when she hadn’t been at school finishing exams. Even when she tried to get up and move, she somehow kept finding herself back on the floor, just staring off trying to cling to her favorite memories in hopes they’d never slip away. She’d been so worried when Winn ran off, that seeing him had washed a huge wave of relief over her. And of course he was trying to feed her. They hadn’t gotten too much of a chance to hang out, but it was pretty much guaranteed that every time they did he was making sure she was well-fed. She forced a weak smile and answered, “How about cheeseburgers? Didn’t think you were. I already forgave you, no bribes necessary.” Her appetite had been pretty nonexistent, so she figured one of her favorite comfort foods would help. Plus, if she knew Winn at all, he’d be pretty set on making sure he was fed. He was caring like that, or at least, he always seemed to be with her. Her grin came a little more naturally when he mentioned being the pack dummy. She chided, “Hey now, you don’t get a monopoly on that one. It’s a title we get to pass around, but yeah, don’t do that again. I don’t know what I’d do if something bad happened to you or Blanche.”

“Mmm. I know just the place for burgers. Let’s ride, kiddo.” Winn turned the key, his car wheezing and coughing back to life. It would be just about his luck for it to give up the ghost (inappropriate?) when he really needed it. Just get me home, okay? His dad had nagged him to replace the car after it had just barely made their trip back up from Philly. Winn really didn’t know how to react to parental nagging, given he’d gone without it for nearly a decade, but his dad was comin’ from a good place. And he was the one havin’ to drive the car most often lately, so Winn couldn’t truly be mad. He swung towards the Outskirts, knowin’ that he and Rio had destroyed some burgers from the joint on the way out of town. Winn wasn’t proud of the way that he’d grabbed dinner from there throughout April and May — and his dad had been appalled at the lack of basics in his fridge, another reason why Winn needed to move out — but it really was that good. Perfect amount of grease. Killer milkshakes. Knew how to make actual sweet tea. “Don’t worry. I won’t. And we won’t.” It felt like a half-promise. Livin’ in White Crest, Winn never felt safe tellin’ someone that he’d be okay. Not forever, not even for a day or two, dependin’ on the week. He spoke quietly, takin’ his eyes off the road probably longer than was strictly safe, to look at Ari. “I get if you don’t wanna talk ‘bout it, but… losin’ someone, ‘specially someone special to you… Well, I don’t want to tell you how to feel. So, how ‘bout you tell me how you feel? If you’re, um, up for it.”

Ariana did her best to focus on Winn’s company rather than the crushed feeling that just couldn’t seem to leave her chest. It felt as if her heart had been trampled on and was left heavier for it. It weighed down her every move, but if she shifted focus long enough, she was sure she could work up an appetite. She cracked a weak smile and joked, “I trust you know your meat.” It made her feel just a little better that Winn would be more careful. She could only hope Blanche would do the same. “Good,” she said, plainly. Not having the energy to push the topic any further. She originally planned on giving him a good smack and giving him some shit about the whole thing, but she was tired and it was pretty obvious he realized the whole thing was a dumb idea now. With the mention of how she was feeling, a clear grimace went across her face. Her lungs felt as if the wind had been knocked out of them as her mind searched for her words. She knew Winn asked that genuinely, but fuck, did talking about it really suck. Not that thinking about it was much better and it had been most of what she’d done outside of finals and the few distractions that could hold her attention if only for a few moments. She looked down at her lap and finally answered, “Honestly? Really fucking shitty.” With another deep breath, she looked to him and then back at the road ahead of them, “Sad. Mad. Empty. You name it. Everything just feels so wrong. We were supposed—” Her voice cracked and she realized this is why talking about it felt so hard. “We were supposed to enjoy freedom together. She never— She deserved better.”

Winn was at a loss for what to say. He couldn’t make it better, this wasn’t a problem that could be smoothed over with money or smooth-talking. Only time. “I don’t have any platitudes for you. I won’t disrespect you by sayin’ that it’ll get better, or that she would have wanted you to be happy. That don’t fix shit.” He sighed. “I will say this, what I’ll always say to you: You have to feel what you feel. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But you can’t keep it inside either. Freedom is…” Okay, this was either going to go well or terribly. “Freedom ain’t just about bein’ free from the shit that’s tryin’ to kill you. It’s mental, too. I— I don’t understand what you’re going through; I can’t understand. But I can tell you that wrappin’ yourself up in ‘supposed’ to isn’t going to help you. I spent a really long time convincin’ myself that I knew what other folks wanted, that I should do x, y, or z, because it was what I was supposed to do. Be a good son, let people go, make it so they didn’t have to worry about me. But that isn’t what they wanted, and that isn’t what mattered. All it did was wrap around me, until the guilt was all that I was. I mean, shit, I’m still workin’ through it, but I don’t want that for you, Ariana. If I can help it. Celeste did deserve better. God, there are so many fuckin’ ways in which she, in which you, in which all of us deserve better than the shit hands we’ve been dealt. Only thing we can change is how we play that hand. Foldin’ ain’t an option, but that don’t mean you have to go all in. Take the time you need, I guess, is what I’m tryin’ to say. Don’t let anybody tell you — hell, even me — how to grieve, or process, or move forward. So long as you know that… Well, so long as you know that we still have to play the game. We’re already breakin’ the rules, just by still bein’ here. And those rules need to be broken. ‘Cause fuck ‘em. Fuck all of it. ‘Cause life ain’t actually a game, and who cares if you win. So long as you’re following your own path, that’s all that… anyone can hope for you.” He coughed, hands squeezing at the steering wheel as they pulled through the drivethrough. After he ordered, he added, “Sorry, I got a little carried away. Just… Don’t feel like you have to pretend, not around me.”

As much as the whole conversation made her stomach turn, Ariana knew he was right in many regards. She’d never been one to avoid her feelings, but feeling her way through this? It was hell. It’d been four days since she’d seen or spoken to Celeste and each one of them felt impossibly long. Her hands were clasped together in her lap as her head was still pressed against the cool glass of the window. “I don’t know, like I am just kind of feeling through this whole thing and trying to accept what I’m feeling, it’s just hard. And I can’t really think too much past each minute as it passes because if I try to look ahead it just feels… wrong. Like we had all these plans for the future and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to just, I don’t even know, figure out what I want with my future now?” She listened as Winn spoke and couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes. They did all deserve better, especially Celeste, but that wasn’t how the world worked. It even seemed disproportionate at that. Like somehow by just being wolves, hunters, or even remotely associated with the supernatural, there was more darkness to overcome. She nodded slowly and shakily replied, “I know. I guess supposed to doesn’t really exist. If things were supposed to be some way they just would be. It just— Nothing feels right. I don’t feel right. I’m sad, I’m mad, I’m lost— Everything feels just like this huge weight that makes it so much harder to do even simple things like take a fucking shower. And I miss her, I miss her so fucking much. I miss hearing her constantly humming some stupid ABBA song. I miss the way she’d tussle my hair when we’d joke around. I miss the sound of her voice and even miss her soft snores that I’d always make fun of.” She sniffled and her voice sounded desperate as she spoke as she spoke as if it would change anything at all. She tried to smile as Winn told her to feel free to not pretend for him or anyone else, but it came off as a pained grimace at best. “I know, I don’t have to be anything for anyone and there’s no right way to deal with this. Everything just feels so— I don’t know heavy. Wrong. Lost. Take your pick.”

“You don’t have to have an answer,” Winn said, tucking the takeout bag behind his seat before pulling out onto the road. “To your future, to your feelings.” There was a milkshake — raspberry lemon — in his hand, and he offered it to Ariana. “It’s... not much, I know. But when we got burgers, that first time, you told me how much you liked these. I tried one, grimaced through the lemon and raspberry, not really my thing. But it reminds me of you. Not sour, not cloyingly sweet. Strong and tart and someone’s favorite flavor, somewhere. A lot of folks’, probably. I’m not... good at metaphors, but we all find our favorite flavors, our people. And we hold ‘em tight. Because we don’t know how long they’ll be there. No one knows.” A sad smile as he turned his attention back to the road. “I love you, kiddo. Ariana. And I’m here for you. You’re one of my favorite flavors.”

[leaping-layla]

What If This Storm Ends?

Asher Devereux made his way downstairs to the library and adjoined combat room. His brows were furrowed, and he was armed with a wooden tray that had sushi, prepared potstickers and buns resting upon it. Two sets of chopsticks resided, one on each side of the tray. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs upon seeing Layla, freezing as he examined her. Every muscle in his body was tense for a moment, but it was just that; a moment. When it passed, he continued on and made his way over towards the fire she had situated herself in front of. "Hey," he murmured quietly, smiling down to her before he extended the tray down in offering. "Food?"

Layla Locklear looked up, jerking her head to the side at the sound of Asher's voice. Her eyes were wide, staring into the fire, that is until they turned on him. She bit her lip and forced a smile. "Hey." She said, moving her hands to rest in her lap, one clutching the other.

He resisted the impulse to frown, instead, he maintained a soft smile for the woman. "I made your favorite... As best as I could, anyway." He settled himself down on the floor beside her, placing the wooden tray of food in front of them. "I'm not well practiced in the culinary arts of Doma... But I hope I did alright." He looked back towards Layla and shifted his gaze down towards her hands, inhaling deeply before he sighed. "Are you feeling better?"

Layla turned her head, shaking it side to side lightly. "No." She said, eyes turning from him, from the fire, down to her hands. Her fingers twisted and twirled over one and other. Nervous? Uncomfortable? She didn't say. "You don't have to sit with me." She finally said, allowing that long pregnant pause between them to finally subside. It was then, though, that her eyes moved to the food. "I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks." Had she?

Asher gave a slow nod and turned his gaze to settle upon the fire. Each individual lick of flame was observed as he considered his next words. Eventually, he sighed, nodded his head, and cleared his throat. "I know." He looked back towards Layla, peering at her from the corner of his eyes, glimmering with painful uncertainty. He reached out for her, curling his gloved fingers over the top of her stacked hands. "I made a lot..." he offered, his smile growing somewhat, even genuinely. It was the truth, the tray was covered in different assortments of sushi from the hostelry that they had enjoyed in Kugane... Or, well, Asher's imitation of them. Buns resided on each corner, and several plates of potstickers were present between them all. There was a lot there... He'd truly gone above and beyond in food preparation. But it was always easier to cook than think. "I hope you won't mind sharing some of it with me?"

Layla jerked her hand back quickly. Too quickly. At first, she had not noticed he was gloved, but it didn't matter. She didn't trust him, or herself, for that matter. It was a familiar feeling, not trusting herself, and she was caught off guard by not only the feeling but that she didn't really know why. She shoved her hands into the long robe she wore, pulling a pair of thick, black gloves free. Each hand was slipped into the gloves and then placed into her lap again. "I know I make you uncomfortable." She finally said, whispering the words. It was then that her eyes finally settled on the tray of sushi and other items. She. Was. Starving. So, so starving.

Asher froze for a moment as Layla jerked her hands away beneath the cover of her robe. He furrowed his brows and gently pursed his lips, worry overtaking him for a moment. "You don't make me uncomfortable," he murmured, pulling his hand back to his knee and settling his gaze upon the tray of abundantly full Doman cuisine. "I... Make me uncomfortable around you." He wrinkled his nose at the explanation and shook his head. "I don't trust myself." Those last words came out as a low whisper, hardly uttered. Just loud enough for her to hear. He paused again, letting only the crackling of the fire remain between the two of them before he plucked up a set of chopsticks. He extended them out to her and lofted a brow. "Food?"

Layla furrowed her brow, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She lifted a hand, taking the chopsticks. She moved them, clutching them in a closed fist, back into her lap. "What does that even mean?" She asked, shaking her head as she looked over at him again. "You pulled away from me cause I was drai--" Her head shook from side to side again, fingers wrapping hard around the chopsticks she still held, nearly breaking them.

Asher bit his lip gently and canted his head to the side as Layla posed her question. It was a good question. One that he wasn't sure he really had the answer to. "Bad dreams," he tried to explain feebly, plucking up the other set of chopsticks. He couldn't bring himself to pick at the food he'd prepared, not yet... Not after Layla had finished speaking. "I would let you drain me," he said, almost emotionlessly as he shrugged. "I don't want to be without you, not in this life... Not in the next." He sighed and finally plucked up a single piece of raw tuna draped across a slab of rice. "When you stumbled... You surprised me. It was a lot at first, but I would put up with it, even though I know you don't or wouldn't want me to."

Layla Locklear almost didn't let him finish. She was up, on her knees, and turning to face him faster than she should have been. It was almost inhuman. The moment she was up on her knees, staring him down with intense blue eyes, she pushed him. Not just a normal push, but a hard, heavy-handed shove. "Are you a fucking idiot?" She asked him, eyes lit with a bluish flame. It lasted only a moment though, and before he would even have time to react to the shove, she was slumped back down beside him as she had been before.

Asher lurched to the side with Layla's heavy-handed shove. It was hard, it wasn't what he'd come to expect from her usual playful self, but it still wasn't quite enough to knock him off balance. Not truly. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Probably," he murmured and recentered himself. His piece of sushi had escaped his chopsticks during the shove, and it fell just off to the side of the tray on the ground, pieces of rice broken off to surround the tuna. Luckily there was a lot already. "You're not diminished in my eyes, Layla... I'm just happy that you're back." He plucked up the spilled sushi and rice with a gloved hand, tossing it forward into the fire. Nobody wanted to eat that now. "I was afraid for you."

Layla picked up the chopsticks she had dropped in the process of moving to shove him. The wider top of one was broke, bent, and splintered. They were still useable, that was all that mattered. For a long time she sat there beside him, simply processing all of the things he had to say. Each word. All of their meanings. "You are an idiot." She said, finally, just before dipping her set of chopsticks down to pluck up one of the smaller roll pieces. She didn't even care which one. She knew his cooking was A+. "Asher," she continued after swallowing down the raw fish and rice. "What happened?"

Asher glanced down to the chopsticks she rebrandished, examining them as she began to pluck up some pieces of sushi. "After Booshie's gauntlet of fights we had to return to your Father's... We had moved residences temporarily to help distance you from the person that was stalking you." He cleared his throat and prepared to continue, but inevitably furrowed his brows and reached out with an upturned palm for her chopsticks, his other hand extending his own out to her. She might've pushed him, incurred that damage upon her own utensils, but he wasn't about to let her sit there and eat with them. "You were getting ready for bed when you disappeared, none of the Guards knew where you had gone or seen anyone... That's when we discovered that the thing that was interested in you was a Mindflayer." Even as he continued to explain, he was gazing at her expectantly.

Layla Locklear jerked, once, at the exact moment he mentioned the Mindflayer. It was almost as if her body responded it to, the familiar name, but her mind was still lost to why. For now. She took his offered chopsticks, smiling up at him weakly. "Why are you like this?" She asked him, already reaching down for the second segment of a roll. "Everything in my head is just..." She paused again, popping the bite into her mouth and remaining silent while she chewed. "It's just a fucking mess." She finally finished, eyes on him again. "And, it was so strange earlier today, when I woke up. I was so hot. But the room wasn't hot... and I... I could feel you. And Eme. And Kayne. I knew you were there. But, not because I heard you, or saw you..." She stopped once more, swallowing back a lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "I could taste your aether. It was so raw. And I just..." She paused, again, looking down at the sticks in her hand.

Asher snorted quietly and retrieved her own chopsticks, fiddling with them in his hand to get a proper grip with them. She was definitely more practiced with them than he was, but he'd make due. "You were..." he trailed off, searching for the words as he retrieved a bite for himself and silently chewed. Once he'd swallowed it down he shook his head. "You weren't entirely yourself, I don't think... You were manic, aware of certain things at some points, and slipping at others." He shook his head and looked back towards her, offering a smile. "Are you feeling that right now?" He examined her from head to toe as he posed that question, inevitably settling his gaze upon her own. He remembered how those green eyes had turned a fiery blue. It was hard not to imagine them doing so again already... But that was something he felt he'd keep to himself for now.

Layla just looked at him and nodded. There was sadness in her eyes, pure, unadulterated sadness that he had likely never seen there before. Real emotions. Raw. Hard. "Very, very much." She said quietly. "And I don't know how to make it stop."

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

An Unspoken Rule Part Eighteen

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Notes: Sorry this is a little late! 

Warnings: None.

Summary: It wasn’t that Layla and I had fought over the William thing; we’d jut fallen out of touch. Lines has been drawn, and I was on William’s side. Now, in more ways than one. 

“I knew it,” LeeAnn was grinning in a way that I was sure I’d never seen. When she’d stepped into the living room, Will and I had jumped to the opposite sides of the couch like we were teenagers at a high school dance that had been told to make room for Jesus. I slouched down in my seat, covering my face with my hands. “Ma,” William started, and I laughed. I hadn’t heard him that embarrassed since he’d graduated and LeeAnn had cried. “Why didn’t you tell me?” LeeAnn asked, putting her hands on her hips. “We just … It’s new. It’s still really new, we haven’t even talked about it that much yet,” Will said, glancing at me. I nodded. That was true, we’d barely discussed it. LeeAnn hummed. “Fine, I won’t say anything to anyone… Except your father. And Benny— I came in here,” She raised her voice as William and I began to protest, “To find out if either of you could babysit Jake this Friday.” “Sure,” Will and I answered in unison. “We can look after Jake,” I added, glancing over at Will. LeeAnn smiled, kissing the each of us on the cheeks before heading out of the living room. I glanced up at see her watching us as she walked away and I slid down my in spot, covering my face and laughing. “Oh, man,” I shook my head, “That was not how I planned on your mother finding out.” I yelped as William gripped me by my calf, pulling me across the couch and into his lap. “What are you doing?” I laughed. “Mom already knows and she’s the only other person here, so what’s stopping us?” He smiled. That was true. John and Benny had left to do the grocery shopping for that night’s get-together. “I’m sorry, I can’t make out with you knowing your mom might be in earshot,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t forget your brother.” We froze when we heard Benny’s voice. I looked up to see him holding several grocery bags. “Wanna help out here?” He asked. “Uh huh,” I said, climbing off of Will’s lap, moving to get up and help. “Sit. I’ve got ‘em,” Will said, getting up. He pecked my lips before pressing past Benny to get into the kitchen. I rested my head on hand, glancing over at Benny, who was giving me a look that I couldn’t read. “What?” I asked. “We’re talking about this later,” he said simply before heading into the kitchen to help.

“Great,” I mumbled, sliding all the way down to lay down on the couch.

----

“My god it has been an age!” Layla was grinning and holding me by the shoulders. I had this urge to shake her loose, tell her that she must have the wrong person, but it was way too late for that.

“It — It really has, how’s that uh— Weren’t you dating a lawyer?” I asked. It wasn’t that Layla and I had fought over the William thing; we’d jut fallen out of touch. Lines has been drawn, and I was on William’s side. Now, in more ways than one. “Oh, well, I was dating him, but,” She raised her left hand, wiggling her fingers and flashing an engagement ring. “Oh! My god!” I said, stunned. “Yeah!” She said, lowering her hand and looking at it, smiling. “He’s… A sweetheart, you know? A really nice guy and I just, I love him,” She smiled. “What about you?” She asked, smiling, “You seeing anyone?” “Ah… Kinda, yeah, but it’s still pretty new. I feel like if I talk about it I’ll jinx it,” I shook my head. Layla smiled. “We should grab coffee, catch up,” She said, “Your number is still the same, right?” I nodded. “Yep, same number,” I said. “We’ll get together,” She said before pulling me into another hug, “It was so great to see you!” “It was great to see you, too, Layla,” I said, surprised to find that I actually meant it a little.

----

“Benny gave me the shovel talk,” William told me as we cleaned up Jake’s toys from that night. He hadn’t gone down until after we’d read ‘Red Fish, Blue Fish’ five times. LeeAnn and John had called around eight to check in with us, and tell us they’d be home close to eleven. “Shovel talk?” I repeated, looking up at William from my dismantling of the Jake’s lego castle. “Yeah, you know: ‘if you hurt her I’ll kill you’, that kinda thing.” I scoffed, leaning back against the couch and shaking my head. “Unnecessary,” I commented. Will shrugged, turning and leaning back against the couch beside me. “He cares about you.” “He cares about you, too. He’s your brother, the threatening is not cool.” “I don’t think he was serious about it,” Will reassured, pulling me closer. I hummed, curling into his side and wrapping an arm around his middle. I ran my thumb along Will’s side, smiling as his fingers combed through my hair.

“Still a dick move. I’ll talk to him.” “I can talk to my own brother,” William insisted. I nodded, closing my eyes. “You okay?” He asked quietly, “You’ve been pretty quiet tonight.” “We were taking care of Jakey. I was preoccupied.” “You know that’s not what I mean. This was a different kind of quiet. This was your ‘something’s on my mind but I don’t know what to do’ kinda quiet.” “I have different quiets?” “You do, but we can talk about that when you aren’t trying to change the subject. Which you do a lot, by the way,” William pointed out. “Well hey, maybe we should talk about that,” I said, looking up at him. William smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “What’s going on up there?” He murmured. I bit my lip, thumbing the fabric of Will’s shirt. “…Nothing. It’s just been a long day, I’m— I’m just taking it all in.” William didn’t look very convinced, but he nodded, letting it go in favor of kissing me gently.

“Can I take you out tomorrow?” He asked between kisses. I smiled. “You took me out last time, it’s my turn.” “Not true,” William argued, “You paid for the batting cages.” “You took me out in the first place,” I pointed out. William chuckled. “So stubborn,” He murmured, “But fine. You can take me out this time.” “Good.”

----

“So, you and Will?” I kept my hands up, steady as Benny punched at the protective pads there. “Me and Will,” I confirmed, “That alright with you?”  Benny lowered his hands, catching his breath, and I followed suit. “You like him?” “Yes.” “You happy?” “Yes.” “Then it’s alright with me.” I put my hands up just in time for Benny to start punching again. “Yeah? Then why did you give Will a talk?” Benny dropped his hands again, putting them on his hips. He sniffed, shrugging and looking around. “I was just fucking with ‘im.” “Benny, come on. You didn’t have to do that. And you know he’d never hurt me, not on purpose.” Benny nodded, eyes focused on the floor. I stepped a little closer to him. “What is it?” “… If you two break up, that could make things weird between you and me and you and him and—“ “Hey, hey,” I said, pulling the pads off of my hands and tucking them under my arms to cup Benny’s face.

“Even if Will and I broke up, I would not expect you to choose me. Will is your brother.”

“You’re family, too,” Benny said with a firmness that surprised me. I nodded.

“And you are to me,” I said, “but me and you are gonna be fine, no matter what. I promise.”

Benny nodded, but I could still see a tightness in his jaw. I leaned away, pulling the gloves back on.

“C’mon. Punch it out,” I said, holding my hands up.

Tag list: @playbucky @calirindo