#alastairxthomas

[toffeeandbooks]

hi!! read if you’d like - i’d really appreciate it! 

the summary on the fic is: 

Alastair’s eyes show far too much. It’s not hard to learn. They darken when he’s angry; they light up when he sees his sister, his mother. They are wide when he’s leaning in to kiss you. They are closed tight when your lips are on his neck, when your teeth pull at his skin. And they close off like walls when he’s lonely, because Alastair is too stubborn to wallow so he takes it all in stride.Thomas suspects that he can barely walk with all that loneliness.

---

Or, Alastair is sad, but then the Townsends throw another musicale!

[aratilightwood]

(Days Past: Paris, 1902).

(20. Less than Gods).

Who’s going to tell these two boneheads they’re in love with each other?

[julemmaes]

Hey! Can I please have Thomastair with "I love you! Are you blind?" With Alastair being the oblivious one......I just adore your writing, especially that 'You marry me Alas' one! 💕

Blind - October 6th

Alastair Carstairs x Thomas Lightwood

A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt and I’m really glad you like You marry me Alas, it’s my favorite too. I hope this is satisfying enough for you and I’m really sorry if I posted so late, but as I said yesterday, I’m not home and it’s kinda hard to arrange things.

Word count: 1,745

Throughout the evening, Thomas had watched the newcomer flirt with Alastair. He thought he had been fairly good at hiding that feeling of uncertainty and anger towards the adonis, Dalton Roseblade, but from the looks Matthew and James were casting his way, he was not doing so well. He had to be honest, Dalton's pitch black hair and bright green eyes were much more inviting than the normal light brown of his hair and the chestnut of his eyes, but he was still irritated by the constant interactions and touches shared by Alastair and him.

"Alas!" cried the new boy, "Come! It's your turn."

Thomas had to hold back a shudder of disgust when Alastair stood up from the seat next to his and smiled at the other boy, "What's the rush? You know I'm going to kick your ass anyway," he joked, placing a hand on Dalton's arm.

Following Alastair's gesture with his eyes and hearing the other guy's laugh, he also stood up, no longer able to support that situation, and left the arcade, giving Lucie permission to play for him. He sucked at bowling anyway, he might as well let someone else play if he could avoid those constant exchanges of sympathetic glances.

He felt someone grab his arm when he was at the door and turned abruptly, with a frown on his face, ready to tell his boyfriend to go back to make goo-goo eyes at other people. His expression changed from irritated to apologetic when he realized it was Matthew.

His friend looked him in the eye and Thomas could almost see the wheels in his brain twirling, "Do you need me to come out with you?" he asked him quietly, but in a firm tone.

Thomas took one look at the bowling alley filled with his friends and saw Dalton helping Alastair choose "the perfect ball". He thought that any excuse was good to touch the other. He shifted his attention to the new boy's face and grimaced, focusing back on Matthew, "Whatever."

The blond nodded, "Give me a second, I'll get the cigarettes."

Thomas waited for him in front of the entrance and when James lifted his thumb up to him as if to ask him if everything was all right, he nodded just once, snorting. Christopher was also watching him closely, chewing on his lip, thoughtful.

If everyone had noticed it, Alastair must have noticed too and it was pissing him off even more, because if what he thought was true, it meant his boyfriend was doing that on purpose. Maybe to make him jealous.

He doesn't need to make me jealous, I'm already his. Thomas thought while accepting one of Math's cigarettes.

As he breathed in he could feel the other's green stinging eyes burning on the back of his head, "Do you think he's doing this without realizing it?"

Thomas snickered jokingly, "No, Alastair is not stupid. He knows he's bugging me."

"Well, sorry for the next words, but he's a piece of shit," Matthew said as he sat on the parking lot wall. Thomas imitated him, swinging his legs.

He shrugged, "I don't think he's being mean. He knows it bothers me, yes, but he does it to get my attention," he muttered, adding shortly afterwards, "At least I think so."

Matthew didn't answer right away and Thomas was more than happy to finish the conversation there, but the friend picked up just as he was about to get up, stopping him, "That's not nice of him anyway."

He looked over his shoulder. Matthew wrinkled his forehead, "I mean, after all, you've already gone out several times." he continued, saying the obvious, "You've even kissed, haven't you?" he asked for confirmation.

Thomas simply nodded, making a cloud of smoke. The blond knew very well that they had kissed. He had got him drunk off his ass to celebrate that slightest achievement.

Besides, Thomas insisted on calling him his boyfriend when they talked about it in private, but he and Alastair had never really said anything about the matter and the guy wasn't even sure if the other wanted a real relationship with him.

They finished their cigarettes in silence and Matthew didn't let half a second pass before lighting a second one. Thomas allowed himself to admire the beauty of his friend's face lit only by the dim light of the fire. He wondered how it was possible that of all the friends in their group, Matthew was the only single one.

"Maybe he's trying to send me a message and wants to tell me that if I don't hurry he could easily find someone else." he hypothesized by jumping off the wall and rubbing his hands on his pants.

Matthew laughed, "If that's the case, it would be pretty childish." when Thomas raised an eyebrow, he explained, "I mean, you've been going out for more than a month, like, three times a week - how you're not together yet, only you know." he gave him a questioning look, "If he were to go out tonight with this charade just to tell you to hurry up instead of taking a step forward himself, it would be ridiculous."

"I guess you're right," whispered Thomas, kicking a pebble on the ground.

"Well," Matthew said, "you don't have to guess anymore, you can ask him directly."

He jumped off the wall, pointing with his chin to the entrance of the arcade, where a very confused Alastair was looking at them with his hands in his pockets and an uncertain expression.

Matthew patted him on the shoulder, wishing him good luck, and nodded his head once as he passed Alastair, before returning to the building.

Thomas was not sure he wanted to have this conversation now.

Alastair was the first to speak, "Are you okay?" he seemed genuinely concerned by the tone of his voice, but Thomas couldn't look him in the face.

"Yes, I'm fine," he replied dryly, keeping on playing with the rock.

He heard, more than saw, Alastair approaching, "Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure in my life, why do you ask?"

"Because you've been avoiding me all evening and I cannot for the love of god understand why." to those words, uttered with sincere confusion, Thomas' head snapped up, in Alastair's direction.

He opened his eyes wide, opening his mouth slightly, "Avoiding you?" he wondered if he had heard right. When Alastair nodded, his mouth reduced to a thin line, Thomas laughed, "Are you fucking with me?"

Alastair winced at the words. It was so unusual to hear Thomas swear, that even the boy himself was left with a bitter taste in his mouth.

"What do you mean?" Alastair asked harmlessly.

"Oh my goodness, don't you really get it?" he asked bewildered, trying to figure out if the other was really joking or if he hadn't noticed the way he had behaved with him and Dalton.

Alastair's features got stiffer and he came a few steps closer, pointing a finger at his chest, "I don't know what you're talking about and I don't care." he began, lowering his hand, "I came out here to tell you that if you're going to act like this for much longer, I'd rather end it here."

Thomas couldn't believe what he was saying, "You're kidding." it wasn't a question.

"No, damn it, Thomas, I'm not joking. You've been avoiding me since we got here and I thought things were going well between us. After all those fucking dates." Alastair had raised his voice and he sounded delirious. Maybe Thomas wasn't the only one who had had a bad night. "And instead I find myself forced to endure the pity of a stranger. A stranger who has realized how badly my boyfriend is treating me and who is trying to cheer me up".

Thomas was left breathless.

Boyfriend.

"What did you say?"

Alastair frowned, raising his hands to the sky and growling, "Are you serious now?"

Thomas looked him straight in the eye, "You called me your boyfriend."

The boy in front of him seemed more confused than ever, "Yes, Thomas. I called you my boyfriend."

"But you," Thomas stumbled over the words, "have been flirting with Dalton all night."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, exasperated by this quarrel that was going in two very different directions. He reached out his hands to Thomas, but immediately put them down again, not wanting to overstep his boundaries, "I tried to start a conversation with you nine times tonight. Nine." Alastair clarified, grimacing, "Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to try to explain to Dalton that the sulking and silent boy who was blatantly ignoring me and treating me like a stranger was my boyfriend?"

Thomas shook his head. He had been so stupid.

He felt so guilty he couldn't even speak.

He had treated Alastair harshly all night, convinced that he was flirting with the newcomer, when in reality he had only sought some comfort because of his behavior towards him.

He didn't realize that Alastair had kept talking until he heard him say, "and I know you hate me-".

Something in Thomas' head must have broken down, because his following words were, "Hate you? I love you!" he almost shouted.

Alastair stopped, closing his eyes for one second too long and opening his mouth slightly.

"What?"

"I love you! Are you blind?" said Thomas laughing, getting so close that he felt the warmth radiating from the other's body, "God, I love you so much that my heart burst when I look at you. And I love you so much that when I got here and saw you talking to Dalton the part of my brain that deals with logical thinking stopped working," they both laughed. Both their cheeks reddened from the cold and embarrassment.

He grabbed Alastair's face and the other one basked in that touch, "You love me."

"I love you, Alas." the boy's eyes softened and a slight smile formed on both their lips.

And then finally, Thomas leaned forward and sealed his lips on Alastair's. His tongue stroked the other's repeatedly and when he began to see us black from the lack of oxygen, Thomas broke away, sighing and laughing with their foreheads pressed together.

"I am an idiot, forgive me," whispered Thomas against his lips, closing his eyes.

Alastair smiled, kissing him again, "Forgiven," he said amusedly, "idiot."

tsc general tag list (if you want to be removed/added just send an ask or dm me)

@queenofthemoon22 @clara-sm @can-god-strike-me-down @tessaherongraystairs-blog @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @jamescordelias @grxceblqckthxrn @thecerridwen-blog @stitch-kiss @alastairlightwxod @ahiretsinging @allofmywonders @tremendousheadachecollector @tlh-tea @taco-taco-belle @city-of-fae @ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes @thomascarstairsx @alastaircarstairsx @fair-y-child @matthew-herondale @thomaslightwoodx @abigneignenn @imherongraystairstrash @rednailpolishqueen @herondamnn @parababitch-herondale @silent-nerd-person @heronblackstairs @starryherondales @ireallyshouldsleeprn

[suchalovelydisaster]

Idol, Crush, Boyfriend, the Love of my Life/ A Cute Thomastair fic

A Thomastair fic inspired by a One Line Prompt by @katie-girl-2​ on Tumblr. Word Count: 1,739

I did also post this on ao3 

“You didn’t do the dishes,” Alastair laughed, smirking. “So I’m not doing you.” He smiled at the reaction the taller boy had to his comment. He had asked Thomas to do them before they left the flat for an enclave meeting. The two were just returning after a very uneventful meeting, save for Matthew Fairchild announcing to his friends that his older brother, Charles’s tie did not flatter the color of his eyes.

Thomas hated dishes and Alastair despised laundry so they often just did what the other hated and split the other chores. However, after Thomas went to Idris for a few days to spend time with his sister, Eugenia, Alastair was left to do not only laundry but everything else.

“That’s not fair, I was rushed,” Thomas complained.

“You had an hour!” Alastair exclaimed. He could not understand his boyfriend sometimes. 

“I was reading!” Thomas protested. James Herondale, one of his best friends, had given him a book recommendation and was completely captivated by it. “And you’re just being petty because I left you alone for a few days.” Thomas sighed as he hung up his coat and made his way over to the bookshelf where Alastair was standing. Thomas wrapped his hands around the shorter boy’s waist and leaned down to bury his head in Alastair’s neck. 

Alastair continued to look through the titles on their bookshelf, running his finger along the spines of the books. He pretended to pay no attention to the gorgeous boy leaning on his shoulder. “True,” he responded. “However, at least when I come back home I don’t make a mess of the kitchen. What do you want for dinner?” Thomas had gotten home from Idris before Alastair came back from patrol and had attempted to make a snack for himself. Alastair returned to the smell of smoke. There was a reason Thomas did not cook.

You, Thomas thought to himself. However, he restrained himself as he knew that both of them were hungry. He lifted his head, still resting it on Alastair’s shoulder, to look at the shelf of cookbooks and recipes that was just below eye level for his boyfriend. “I don’t really care, to be honest.” 

After a while, the two came to an agreement on what to have for dinner. The shorter boy cooked, telling Thomas to hand him things every once and a while. The hazel-eyed boy entertained himself by flirting with his Alastair as he cooked. 

“Help me with the dishes, Lightwood?” Alastair asked as they finished eating. He took his plate to the sink and began to run the water.  

“I suppose.” Thomas stood and walked over to his boyfriend and bent down to kiss him on the cheek. Thomas had rolled up his sleeves allowing for his tattoo to become visible. His tattoo of a compass rose with unfurling rose petals. The ink stood out beautifully against his skin and other runes that adorned his body. 

Alastair turned to Thomas and leaned up to kiss him. His hand now resting on the taller boy’s shoulder. Thomas smiled and lifted a hand to Alastair’s hair, intertwining his fingers with his dark locks. Just then, Thomas felt something fly past his ear and saw the Persian boy catch something bright. A fire message. Thomas turned off the tap as Alastair read the message. 

“It’s from Cordelia,” Alastair said, now clearly worried. “She says she wants us to meet her at the Institute. She didn’t mention why.” 

“We should go, then.” 

“Yes, do you have your weapons ready?”

“I do. And my stele is in my jacket.”

“Okay,” said Alastair, his brow still furrowed with worry. “Let us go then.”

It was a short walk to the London Institute. Alastair, however, was practically running. Thomas was able to keep at his side just by lengthening his strides. The pair arrived at the steps of the Institute shortly after departing their flat. 

Alastair rushed into the Institute meeting Cordelia and Anna Lightwood at the entrance. “Hello, Anna. Layla is everything all right?” Alastair asked, his voice filled with concern. 

“Yes, Alastair everything is fine,” Cordelia replied, taken aback by her brother’s obvious unease. “Are you alright, Alastair?” She asked. Out of the corner of his eye, Alastair saw Thomas move to speak to his cousin. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he responded. “You just were not clear why you needed us here and I worried something had happened.” No matter the circumstance, Alastair was always ready to protect Cordelia. 

“Everything is fine Alastair,” Cordelia soothed. “I had just wanted a few extra people to be with tonight.” Normally, she and her husband, James Herondale, would have people over to play games and chat with. Since Thomas had just returned from Idris, however, both he and Alastair were meant to be exempted from tonight. Their friends had intended on allowing them to have a moment to themselves. Apparently, she had changed her mind. 

“Well then, Tom, Alastair, Daisy, I believe there are people waiting for us inside,” Anna said. Did Anna just hand something to Thomas? Alastair could have sworn he saw an exchange going from Anna’s pocket to his boyfriend’s. It was probably nothing, just a trick of the lights. The four made their way into the Institute.

“Thank you for holding onto this for me.” Thomas had whispered to Anna when he met her at the Institute steps. “I didn’t want him to see anything before we left the house.”

“It wasn’t a problem. Ari has been looking forward to this all day.” Anna replied. “Do you want to do it before we go in or-”

“Right before, that way you and Cordelia can go into the games room. Let’s pray to the Angel things go well.”

“Well then, Tom, Alastair, Daisy, I believe there are people waiting for us inside,” Anna said as she transferred the item she had been given at the enclave meeting today back to Thomas.

The Carstairs siblings and two of the Lightwoods made their way to the Institute’s games room, where, Alastair assumed, was where the Herondales and the rest of their friends were. 

“Alastair,” Thomas said, stopping in the corridor. Anna and Cordelia continued on their way to the room. “Can I talk to you for a second?” It was now clear to Alastair, that something was going on. Something he had not been made aware of. 

“Of course,” Alastair responded. He looked up at Thomas, who’s eyes were gleaming in the witchlight and wondered what he could possibly be up to. 

“I was wondering, do you know how much you mean to me, Alastair?”

Alastair smiled, at this. “I believe I do, love.” He saw Thomas smile at this response. 

Thomas spoke eloquently, “There was a time when I idolized you, I followed you around wherever you went. Years passed and I realized that the term ‘idol’ was not one that I could place for you anymore. I decided to myself that ‘crush’ was most likely the most appropriate term to use. There were some times that tested our relationship. Despite this, I knew I couldn’t live without you. I knew that I had fallen in love with you, Alastair.” 

Idol, crush, boyfriend, the love of my life. Alastair was at a loss for words as Thomas described the story of their romance. His heart swelled as he listened to the words in Thomas’s declaration of love. 

“Alastair Carstairs, my love,” Thomas said, as he lowered himself onto one knee and removed a box from his pocket. Alastair’s hand flew to his mouth, his eyes shining. “You are a man who I do not think I can live my life without.” Thomas opened the box as he asked Alastair his next question. “Will you marry me?”

Alastair was in a state of shock. They had discussed marriage in the past. His mother had asked him about it several times since he and Thomas decided to start living together. Now, here he stood, standing in front of Thomas Lightwood on one knee with the Lightwood family ring in his hand. He couldn’t hear words coming out of his mouth, but he was furiously nodding his head trying to make sure Thomas understood what his answer was. 

“Y-Yes, Thomas.” Alastair managed to choke out. “Yes, I will marry you.” 

The two shared an embrace and a kiss as Thomas slid the engagement ring onto Alastair’s finger. 

“By the Angel, I love you,” Alastair muttered as Thomas brought the smaller boy’s hand to his mouth and kissed where the Lightwood family ring now rested. 

“And I love you,” Thomas dropped Alastair’s hand and said, “Now I think there are a few people waiting for us.” 

They entered the games room to see who was waiting for them. Inside waited Thomas’s older sister, Eugenia, along with Christopher and Anna Lightwood. Lucie Herondale was standing with Cordelia, who seemed to have been waiting anxiously, James Herondale and his parabatai, Matthew Fairchild, were also lingering nearby. 

As they walked, the group looked to hazel-eyed boy anxiously. Thomas took Alastair’s left hand and raised it so the ring now gleamed in the witchlight. 

The band of shadowhunters rushed to the newly affianced couple, there were now several voices speaking at once. 

“Everyone is here,” Alastair said lovingly to Thomas. “Did you plan this?” 

“I had some help,” Thomas responded, gesturing to Anna and Cordelia, he was beaming. 

“When Thomas asked Mother and Father’s blessing, I told him that he had to let me help,” Cordelia stated as she moved away from her husband to hug Alastair. 

“And he came to me for advice because none of the other thieves would have been helpful for this,” Anna stated.

“Excuse me-,” Matthew protested.

“That’s fair,” Christopher and James agreed.

“I’m just glad you didn’t figure anything out when I came back from Idris,” Thomas said.

“Wait-that’s why you went to Idris?” Alastair inquired.

“He came to ask me to come to see the two of you after he proposed,” Eugenia Lightwood stated, breaking her silence. She too was smiling with the same grin Thomas had on his face.

As the group continued to say things to each other and the couple, Thomas leaned down and kissed Alastair on the cheek, “I love you,” he muttered 

“And I love you,” Alastair responded, this was truly the best night of his life. 

[jessamine--lovelace]

lightstairs headcanons for @yokrypton

they always sneak out to see each other. this second Thomas is home and the next one he's gone. the family got used to it his sisters still tease him from time to time

they visit each other in the most random times (read: alastair wakes up to thomas at his window at 1am)

Alastair punishes Thomas for being a tease by making him the big spoon

thomas loves to wake up alastair in the middle of the night to tell him he loves him. alastair throws a pillow at his face before hugging him tightly and whispering a soft I love you too before falling back asleep

thomas dirty talks in persian and alastair is so here for that

this is all I have for now all that is not dirty tbh

[adiffident]

Why are M/M ships better written than W/W ones?

I'm no master in literature by any means but this really bugs me. I've read Six of Crows, All for the Game, The Raven Cycle, Call down the hawk, the entirety of the Shadowhunter Chronicles and all those books have really compelling gay couples. In the Shadowhunter universe Magnus x Alec (TyxKit, AlastairxThomas) are more fleshed out and have gotten so much extra content in recent years. Anna x Ariadne and Aline x Helen are pretty nice and all but not as thrilling. I've thought about it for a while but in my mind the dynamic between m/m couples cannot be translated into w/w and those seem cute but a littly bland to me or the synopsis of books just doesn't interest me.

I've gone out of my way to search for explicit lgbtq books and during this time I've devoured some in a couple of days.

Running with Lions(Julian Winters): really cute and thrilling, i've had several moments where I've been fistpumping the air (m/m, bisexual protagonist)

Her Royal Highness(Rachel Hawkins): also cute, somewhat unrealistic (f/f, bisexual protagonist)

Not your Sidekick (C. B. Lee) interesting world, absolutely predictable, cute couple (f/f, bisexual protagonist) (also read Not your Villain and want to read Not your Backup for the ace Rep)

Red, White & Royal Blue (Casey McQuiston) damn what a book, great parallel universe, love too see it some day.. absolutely thrilling storyline (which is somewhat similar to Her Royal Highness but better) actually made me believe in the goodness of American politics (which says a lot because I am european and hate the US government for various disgusting crimes they've comitted during history) (m/m, bisexual protagonist)

My conlusion after reading these books: I liked the f/f ones but the m/m where just objectively better. Am I going crazy, reading the wrong books or not enjoying them as much as I should...? Don't get me wrong I love every rep we can get but I am annoyed. And I also don't want to be the girl that only reads m/m books because that can be wrongfully interpreted in the feteshizing kind of way (bc I find sex generally uninteresting as I am ace, I just love the chemistry baby).

Has anyone had similar problems or can recommend great books who are in line with my previous reads?

Can someone please discuss this with me I am begging ya'll 🙃

[coasttocoastreads]

It’s Week 4 and Zoom University™️ is murdering me. But while ignoring my long backlog of lectures to watch, I stayed up until four to finish this book:

Chain of Gold // Cassandra Clare

★★★★ / ★★★★★ 

Summary in one gif:

Real Summary:

We return to the world of The Infernal Devices, this time focusing on the next generation of Shadowhunters of the London Institute. After years of peace, London’s tranquility is broken by a series of bizarre demon attacks. James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs, and their friends must figure out who is behind the attacks while navigating their own complex relationships with each other and their families. 

Pros:

women with swords!

very nuanced characters

mutual Pining

Cons:

wayyyyy too many characters are introduced at once

slow af in beginning

Plot: 4/5

The overall plot seemed very standard shadowhunters with some new demon orchestrating everything, etc. etc. I was really taken in by the intricacies of the families plot though, like what was happening with each of their different families. The little flashback chapters in between the longer ones were also nice insights into each of the characters. However, I do think this book could have been a lot better if the ending wasn’t already pre-determined due to this being a prequel series? Like Cassis Clare has kind of written herself into a spot where she can only fill in the blanks and not really change the ending, yanno.

Pacing: 3/5

The first half was really slow and I definitely put down the book several times. But by the end, I had to read the rest in one go because lots of things were happening and I had to find out how it ended. 

Worldbuilding: 4/5 I guess???

I mean she mostly built the world up with her other books? It was cool to see the idea of separate universes once again, even though Ragnor Fell’s explanation of them wasn’t super clear. I also. Really want. More Asian Shadowhunters. From the Asian Institutes. 

Characters: 6/5

It was initially really hard to keep track of who’s who since they’re all related and stuff but WOW I LOVE ALL OF THEM. The way they all interact is very precious and like squad goals???? Like I don’t even care that much about like shipping characters I just want them to be happy and do dumb things together 🥺 Literally Alastair and Cordelia are the most precious siblings ever and I want many many books featuring just them and their childhood. 

Also Lucie is a precious bean and I would die for her.

I’d recommend for:

People who loved TID

People who like found family tropes!

People who have big brains and can keep all the names straight

Would I travel here?

Can I? Please? I just want to meet Cordelia and be her friend 🥺🥺

Overall thoughts:

Cassie Clare is killing me with the angst but I like. Need more. Also everyone just needs a hug. 

I have no idea what I’m reading next, but see y’all,

Tiff

Spoilers under cut

SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I SAID I WASN’T INVESTED IN SHIPPING BUT I AM????? JUST A LITTLE BIT??????

I don’t...actually ship...James and Cordelia...Cordelia and Matthew endgame please

I know the family tree says differently...but I have theories please ask me about them

Do i have to write something for them I might

secret...arrangement...

their characters complement each other so well????? Like I felt so bad when he walked in on James and Cordelia in the Whispering Room

Sad pining boi who won’t tell the girl how he feels so he won’t hurt his friend I’m weak

ALASTAIR IS PRECIOUS AND MUST BE PROTECTED

like the flashback scene where he came home and told Cordelia what he was doing at the Academy made me so sad :((((((

WHERE’S THE ALASTAIRxTHOMAS CONTENT

Charles is a loser and that’s the hill I’ll die on

Fake marriage/engagement??? Not my favorite trope but we’ll see where it goes I guess? istg if they actually get married and they really fall in love on the way imma push them into the Thames I don’t like jordelia (?)

ANNA LIGHTWOOD IS AN ICON

honestly i ship anna x cordelia more than jordelia but okay

Sona is an eternal mood 

Also why are all the asian/middle eastern characters half white... there’s Jem, Aline, Cordelia and Alastair... I’m tired of this...

[ariadnebridgestock]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!

ty naomi!! so this is way overdue since my birthday celebration is now technically last year but i am going to finally get this done soon lol, i will tag you once i get the edit done!! uwu

[angrytalecritic]

I beg your highness queen of the Shadow hunter world @cassandraclare could we have a wessa novella too? (and let the tlh novella be AlastairxThomas pleaaase)

Hiii! Hope you're staying safe. Is it true that there's a possibility we might get a Blackstairs travel year novella? If yes THANK UUU!

It’s possible. There are a ton of projects I’d like to work on — a Jules and Emma novella collection, a Clace one, one that follows a character from TLH — but nothing like that’s scheduled since TWP would be my priority for the next thing I put on schedule, and TLH has to be close to finished first. Alas that there are only so many hours in a day! 

[aratilightwood]

My Plans 2020

Art by, @cassandrajp

[julemmaes]

Another thomastair with "hate you? I could never hate you! I love you!" 💜

Hate You - October 9th

Alastair Carstairs x Thomas Lightwood

A/N: This is angsty, like really angsty. It’s also very short cause I felt like I wasn’t getting Thomas character at all with this one, hence, I’m a sad bitch right now and I really want to cry. I hope you like it tho so, enjoy!:)

Word count: 1,765

Thomas had just finished patrolling with Christopher when he arrived at the Institute to declare that there had been no suspicious sightings. Only a couple of demons that they had managed to put down easily and without too much trouble. They were talking about this and that and Thomas couldn't wait to finally take off his uniform and eat whatever the ladies in the kitchen had cooked.

He could already feel the water rushing over him, the icore peeling off his skin and the sponge scratching away every bit of dust. His dreams were immediately shattered when they heard someone screaming in the training room as they walked through the front door.

Christopher gave him a worried look before he started running down the hall. Thomas prayed with every fiber of his being that no one was hurt and that the screams were just cries of effort. He doubted very much that it was just grunts and cries when they heard what was clearly Cordelia's voice screaming her brother's name.

Thomas snapped, speeding up even more and slamming into one of the doors when he stood in the gym.

There were three bodies on the ground and Thomas could make out each one perfectly.

Matthew was sitting astride Alastair's lying body, hands tight around his neck. James was trying to pull up his parabatai, but it didn't seem to be doing anything. Cordelia moved before him, grabbing Matthew by the arm and pulling back.

The blond looked her in the face. His features twisted with anger and his bloodshot eyes told Thomas enough about his friend's condition.

Alastair seemed motionless under Matthew, hands around the other's wrists and eyes as wide open as his mouth in a silent scream. James was shouting that he had done enough, that it was enough, but the other one seemed numb.

Thomas moved quickly. He ran towards the group of his friends and jumped forward with his whole body, ousting Matthew from above Alastair, making him leave the grip on the Carstairs' neck.

In the action, Cordelia had been thrown backwards and now she was lying on the ground next to them, leaning on both elbows as she watched the scene, distraught.

Thomas looked down, he laying down over Matthew's body as he held both of his wrists with his hands as he struggled. Matthew's witty gaze frightened him more than it should have. What on earth had he been drinking?

He cast a quick glance at James, who had already got up and thought Thomas was more than capable of holding Matthew down. The friend approached Alastair, who was coughing bent forward, one hand on his throat and his cheeks ridged with tears.

Lucie was helping Cordelia standing.

"What happened?" whispered Thomas, unable to find the voice to speak.

Matthew snarled at him like a fierce beast, writhing and screaming to let him go. The grip on his wrists only became firmer.

Lucie spoke for the others, realizing that James was too shocked to answer, "We don't know. We were training, we had to start the next patrol as soon as you guys got back-" she froze when Alastair pushed James away.

"Don't touch me," he growled through his teeth. A grimace appeared on his face, probably because of the pain talking caused.

"Alastair..." called Thomas.

"Be quiet."

They heard quick steps and then Will and Gabriel appeared at the door. Both their faces contorted in an expression of pure horror.

Gabriel was the first to move, shooting towards James and Alastair still on the floor. Will took a second longer to react as he clutched the door between his fingers, looking for support. Lucie approached her father, clenching her fists.

"Dad-"

"What happened?" Will asked with the tone he took when he had to speak to the Council.

"It wasn't Matthew's fault," James said, getting up and walking towards him.

Matthew underneath Thomas wouldn't stop writhing, "Let go of me, damn it!"

Thomas was forced to let go of the grip on his wrists and stand up. James immediately took his place as he held Matthew to his chest and told him to calm down.

"Fairchild tried to kill me," Alastair said in a scratchy voice.

Gabriel gasped, helping the boy to stand. He turned to his son, looking for confirmation. Christopher would never lie. He raised his hands, shaking his head, looking as sorry and frightened as every other person in the room by his friend's ambiguous behavior, "We just got back, but Matthew was actually strangling Alastair."

James nodded, with dark eyes, "He was drinking, someone must have put something in his drink. I've never seen him so worked up," he confessed, holding his parabatai.

Will nodded, looking like an exact copy of his son, addressing Gabriel, "Go get Charlotte and Henry and," he cursed under his breath as he rubbed his hand over his face, "The Carstairs and all the others, too. Magnus Bane as well, please. Send Tessa to my office."

Gabriel nodded for confirmation and then took one last look at his nephews and his son as he left the room. Will stepped forward and put one hand on Matthew's shoulder, the other behind his neck, to hold his head still. He cast a quick glance at James over the boy's shoulder, and immediately returned to stare at Matthew.

Thomas looked to his left, where Cordelia was drawing a iratze on her brother's neck.

Alastair did not seem as upset as you would expect from someone who had just been suffocated.

"Matthew, it's Will. William Herondale." he said to him with a serious look, "Do you recognize me?" he asked.

The blond didn't even seem to hear him. "Behind you, holding you, is Jamie, James. My son. Your parabatai." to that, Matthew seemed to stop for a moment. His frantic movements and facial tics resumed shortly after.

Will pulled himself up, taking a deep breath through his nose and turned to his daughter, "Lucie, could I borrow your stele please?"

James stepped back, carrying his friend's back too, "What do you want to do?" he asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

"I just want to put him to sleep," Will replied, looking conflicted.

James shook his head, "I can do that."

His father looked him in the eye, really looked him in the eye, seeing all kinds of emotions. Emotions that he himself had experienced many times in his short life alongside their Uncle Jem. "I won't ask you to do it, Jamie."

There were no other words, just the head of the Institute silencing those inhuman sounds produced by their friend and his parabatai supporting him as he fell to the ground, helpless.

Afterwards, everything was very slow. The parents arrived immediately, Sona and Charlotte equally worried, and the children and friends who had been present during the attack were questioned by Will and Tessa.

Thomas and Christopher went to take a shower and were not let through the Institute wing where they were making things clear when they finished. Anna had arrived half an hour later and apparently had been assigned to distract them because she wouldn't stop asking them what they wanted to do to kill the time.

Thomas had kindly asked her if he could stay alone and she had granted his wishes, leaving him alone and taking Christopher with her.

Now he was standing on the steps of the entrance to the Institute and was torturing his hands, trying to understand what had just happened.

He heard the door open and close gently and then someone ran down the stairs.

He didn't have time to turn around to see who it was, Alastair was already down the stairs and was marching towards the exit, his hands hidden in his pockets and his head clutched between his shoulders.

He did not think twice before getting up and running after him.

There was no need to call him because he turned around as soon as he heard the sound of Thomas' boots on the gravel.

Alastair wrinkled his forehead, "What do you want?"

Thomas did not notice the irritated tone of voice, but he had to refrain from jerking when he saw the other one's wet cheeks, "How are you?"

"What do you think? Your friend tried to kill me," he said.

"What happened?" he asked sincerely curious to know his side of the story.

Alastair's eyes darkened and his expression grew grim, "What do you want, Lightwood?"

"I just want to know if you need anything." Thomas murmured, closing in.

He laughed sarcastically, "Why don't you stop pretending to care about me?" he asked as he walked away, "Why don't you go back to your perfect little house with your sisters and your cousins and your divine companionship and leave me alone?"

Thomas really didn't understand where all that anger towards him came from, but he thought he would be angry too if someone had just tried to choke him to death.

"I don't want to leave you alone right now. I think you need to be distracted and-"

"You really don't get it when someone wants to be alone, do you?" Alastair raved, raising his hands to the sky. Thomas did not answer.

The boy was looking at him with vaguely shiny eyes. He looked away, groaning, "Go back to the others. I know you hate me as much as any other person in this Institute," Alastair muttered.

Thomas' expression didn't change one bit and in the most serious tone he had ever used he said, "Hate you? I could never hate you... I love you."

Alastair did not even take the time to process what he had just been told, "You don't know what you are talking about."

"I love you, Alastair." repeated Thomas, closing in enough so that his face was just a few inches from his own.

Alastair looked him straight in the eye and Thomas saw not an ounce of emotion in those dark pools, "It doesn't work this way," he whispered, clenching his fists.

He turned around and started walking towards the exit, never looking back. Thomas didn't have the strength to follow him, to stop him. The rejection a pain strong enough to block his breath in his throat.

He didn't move from where he stood until James shouted his name from the Institute. Only then did he turn to his friend, and as if nothing had happened he walked to the infirmary, pretending that the conversation he had just had with Alastair had not utterly shattered him.

tsc tag list (if you want to be added/removed just send an ask or dm me)

@queenofthemoon22  @clara-sm @can-god-strike-me-down @tessaherongraystairs-blog @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @jamescordelias @grxceblqckthxrn @thecerridwen @stitch-kiss @alastairlightwxod @ahiretsinging @allofmywonders @tremendousheadachecollector @tlh-tea @taco-taco-belle @city-of-fae @ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes @thomascarstairsx @alastaircarstairsx @fair-y-child @matthew-herondale @thomaslightwoodx @abigneignenn @imherongraystairstrash @rednailpolishqueen @herondamnn @parababitch-herondale @silent-nerd @heronblackstairs @starryherondales @ireallyshouldsleeprn

[suchalovelydisaster]

s2g if Thomas and Alastair don’t reconcile in the next book i might just cry

[jessamine--lovelace]

Alastair's internalised homophobia vs. Alastair's love for Thomas Lightwood. Fight

[aratilightwood]

20. Lesser than Gods.

Thomas and Alastair having faith in other people and each other, is the sweetest thing.

[aratilightwood]

Cordelia: *Sees Thomas and Alastair talking.* I ship it.

Alastair: Ship? What ship? Are we going on a cruise, Layla?

Cordelia: *Face palms.*

[julemmaes]

His love beside him

“When are you going to realize that I don’t care about you?“

Thomas Lightwood and Alastair Carstairs angst os

OH BOY, I MEAN

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT I GOTTA KEEP HURTING THEM AND I’M NOT THAT BRAVE TO END ‘EM BAD SO YEAH IT IS ANGSTY BUT ALASTAIR DESERVES TO BE HAPPY

FUCK EVERYTHING

Word count: 3,838

The boy ran a hand over his face holding in a sob. Everything hurt.

The waters of the Thames seemed to want to take him and pull him down, the waves rising bigger every second and the splashes on the wall did not struggle to reach where he was sitting, on the edge of the wall, which ended overhanging the turbid waters. A drop fell on his cheek and the twitch of his eye made him sigh.

He shook his head. No, he would not have cried any more tears that evening. Too many had already been shed. He winced when he touched his cheekbone. He could already feel his skin swelling around his eye as he was struggling to keep it open. He put a finger to his eyebrow and did nothing but touch it that a sharp pain took over his whole face. He dropped his hand, swearing. He wanted to forget everything, get lost for a few hours, but just the idea of touching a bottle of alcohol made his stomach turn. He touched his pocket for the ninth time hoping to find his stelee there, and for the ninth time he ended disappointed. He must have left it to Cordelia.

He took a deep breath thinking of his Layla and his brother, so small, yet forced to grow up quickly, in a house more broken than the one where he had grown up in. He was just hoping the Herondales were calming them down. When he had left her at the Institute with Kia a few hours before she was trembling and had not yet cried, or said a word, since they had left their house.

He knew that James and Matthew were not there when they arrived, the same was true for Lucie, who was now in Idris, but at least William and Tessa would be able to soothe her. And as soon as James knew what had happened he would run to the Institute. He must have caught up with her by now.

Maybe Alastair should have gone back too, he thought, to check on them. But every time he tried to get up the enormity of what had just happened would pour down on him and an invisible force would push him back to the ground.

He tightened the grip around the lamppost, which was off and let the shadows move as they wanted.

That night, he came home exhausted, physically and mentally, from patrolling with Charles and two other shadowhunters their age. The two had remained on good terms after he had broke up with him at James and his sister’s engagement party, but Charles continued to ask him if there was someone else, if he had found someone to keep him company, Not that loved him, as if their relationship had always represented that. As if Alastair represented a lady-in-waiting every time Charles wasn’t in Alicante speaking politics.

I worry about you, Charles told him to justify his nosey character, but Alastair knew he was only doing it so he could have control over his life again. He hadn’t felt love for Charles for some months now, his heart already belonged to someone else, but his chest still tightened whenever they were in the same room.

He had just walked two steps from the door, when his father had stormed out of the kitchen, holding onto the door frame with a dirty hand. The wrinkled hair and clothes and shiny red eyes were enough to show what conditions Elias was in in that moment. And in case the breath that smelled of alcohol and his appearance were not enough proof of his state of intoxication, surely the bottle of gin in the other hand would confirm someone’s suspicions. Alastair couldn’t remember the last time his father was sober.

During Sona’s pregnancy, Elias was sent to the Basilias to get cured and a he came out a new man. Or at least that’s what his mother and sister kept saying once he got home.

Alastair had known him as a drunkard, a slacker, someone too scared to face the reality, but when he was released after the trial, Cordelia had forced himself to be cured. She had begged on his knees and their father had looked at her with tears in his eyes, nodding, shocked. He had thrown himself down next to her, asking for forgiveness and repeating words that to Alastair’s ears had seemed pointless.

No one would give him back his childhood anyway, but he had agreed to go with him up to Alicante and had allowed himself to be hugged when his father had sought comfort in him, feeling for half a second a dash of affection towards the man.

Yet Alastair could not find even a spark of that love as he watched him stumble towards him. He had grabbed his shoulder to keep him standing, when his legs didn’t seem firm enough to hold him up, but he had pushed him against the wall and he had come so close to his face that it was difficult to suppress the gag that had gone up in his throat to the strong smell of sweat and alcohol that his father emanated, "Have at least the decency to do it in your room."

Elias had opened an eye to look at him and then laughed in his face before being shaken by a gag and vomiting on his gear and boots. Clothes he was still wearing.

He looked at his chest holding his breath and, with his hand on his collar, decided that he would rather die of cold than look like a drunken tramp and began to untie the upper part of the gear. As he took his shirt off his head, he touched his face and clenched his teeth to suppress a grunt of pain. He had to find a stelee, and he had to do it fast. The longer he waited, the more the bruise would stay there in perfect view so that everyone could think about what reckless life he led. Not that he cared anyway.

Elias was drinking again right after Sona died. While suckling Kia sitting on the couch, he was draining liters and liters of wine or any kind of alcohol that was in the house. At the beginning he was good at keeping it a secret, but when the empty bottles hidden under the sofa had begun to tinkle, the older children had discovered him and Kia was no longer alone with his father. Not one goddamn time.

When Cordelia found him in those conditions, things ended quickly. She took him out of the chair and, bearing his father’s weight, took him to his room, where he fainted from the amount of alcohol ingested. When Alastair came home to a drunk father, he couldn’t help himself and they started fighting until one of them threw the first punch and the son had to block him before he could break something or get really hurt.

But that night he had only commented that if he would have ever become half the man that Elias had never been, then he could have considered himself proud. His father had straightened up and Alastair hadn’t seen the first punch coming. He had fallen on the ground and had hit his head so hard against the baseboard that he had been stunned for a few seconds and had not been able to react with the same promptness as always.

It was Cordelia who had taken his father off him, who, exhausted by the sprint he had just taken to hit Alastair, did not react at all when he had fallen on the ground. She had taken the minimum necessary and kept Kia on her side, the child’s head hidden in her neck, before running to the Institute. Elias didn’t even try to follow them.

Alastair trembled. The white shirt that remained on him was of no use against the stinging air of London. He turned to look down at the river. A twinge of pain passed through his head and carrying his hand to the back of his nape, hissing when he touched the point where a open cut spread right over the hairline. He decided that yes, he had to go back to the Institute. Most likely he had a concussion and walking around the streets of London half-naked at that hour, with an open wound, it was just a call for trouble.

He heard the sound of swift steps to his right and slightly bending his neck, he saw the blurry figure of a man running towards him. He was yelling something, probably Alastair’s name, because whatever he was saying, the sound was familiar. He blinked his eyes trying to focus, but couldn’t. He put his head on the pole that had supported him until that moment and almost fell back into the black waters of the Thames. A warm hand with a firm grip closed around his arm, blocking his fall, and he vaguely heard the voice of the stranger repeating his name.

His head was starting to spin really hard. He giggled, thinking how ironic it would be if he fell into the river, too, like Cordelia did almost two years ago. The Enclave would certainly have thought that their family had some kind of affinity for fish if they wanted to swim so much.

He felt two muscular arms wrapping around his waist while who had saved him from certain death tried to make him lie down on the ground, putting a hand behind his neck and slowly resting his head on the cold stone. He felt the stranger curse and then the warm and familiar feeling of the stelee on his neck. And then again on his wrist.

He moaned when someone put on him what was supposed to be a jacket and the warmth entered his veins. They sat him up and he found his forehead leaning against someone’s shoulder, someone who smelled something he would recognize everywhere. Lightwood.

A few seconds passed and Alastair was immediately hyperaware of what surrounded him. His head always in the hollow of Thomas' neck while he drew the umpteenth iratze on his neck. And then suddenly he found himself staring into his face, eyes starring eyes, lips a few inches away.

Thomas seemed to realize that the other was at least able to see him, and he sighed with relief, closing his eyes for a second, before taking his chin between his fingers and turning his head sideways. Alastair wasn’t breathing. A little bit for the pain that went gradually diminishing in the eye, a little bit because the last person he would have wanted to see in that moment had just saved his life.

"I’ve been looking for you for the last two and a half hours." breathed Thomas softly, so close to his face that he felt the breath of warm air against his nose, "Cordelia was going crazy when I arrived. There’s James with her now." at the name of his sister he snapped, moving the boy off of him, but dizziness hit him and the other was there to steady him. Alastair shook him off with a sharp movement and saw Thomas' eyebrows squirting upward.

"Did you walk here?" asked Alastair surly.

Thomas seemed confused for a moment, "Of course I walked here. I needed to find and the carriage would have slowed me down." said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if Thomas needing to find him was the most normal thing.

"Where are we?" Alastair asked looking around and not recognizing the place, the head pain almost completely vanished.

"We are close to the Victoria Embankment Gardens," Thomas said, taking a hesitant step towards him, "we are only twenty minutes from the Institute."

"Perfect." he whispered, turning to Thomas, picking up the jacket that had slipped off him and passing it to him. "Thank you for finding me. And for the runes." he said without looking him in the eye. Only in that moment did he realize how much the other seemed shaken, heavy breaths coming out of his lips, sweat dripping down his forehead, on his neck and inside the neckline of his shirt… He looked away quickly, turning towards the other side of the river and deciding whether to pass by the riverside or inland.

"Alastair." Thomas' voice was almost inaudible, but Alastair heard it as loud as a thunder "Maybe you should sit down, you hit your head pretty strong and you might have complications if you don’t relax for a second."

Alastair suddenly turned to him, taking a threatening step in his direction. The other one didn’t move an inch, "What do you know about my head?" he almost growled at him.

"I-" Thomas muttered, "I don’t know, I was just worried about you. The others told me that you were injured and that you practically fled before they could hold you. I don’t know what happened." he said in a hurry. "I left as soon as they told me you were out here unarmed. The others are looking for you, too." Thomas finished, reaching out to him, his coat still hanging in between them. Alastair moved to the side, avoiding his touch and the other flinched as if something had burned him.

"Good. Because nothing happened. Now excuse me, but I have to go to my family." Alastair said, sounding almost awkward. He was about to pass him and walk towards the Institute, when Thomas grabbed him by the arm stopping him, and Alastair trembled for the hundredth time that night, only this time it wasn’t the cold. "Let. Me. Go." he said through his teeth.

"No. Who gave you that black eye?"

Thomas' voice seemed much more confident than a few seconds before and the other found himself thinking they wouldn’t leave so soon. Because he wouldn’t talk and Thomas wouldn’t let him go until he did. But he might as well try.

"It’s none of your business. And I’m sure James has already told you everything." Because Cordelia definitely told her husband what happened.

"I already told you. I left the second I knew you were unarmed. I don’t know anything about what happened. And the sooner you tell me who did this to you, the sooner you can go and do whatever you want." Thomas answered in tone, looking for his gaze. "As long as what you want doesn’t include jumping into the Thames." he ended with a sarcastic smile. And Alastair realized what he was trying to do. He was holding him there to prevent him from running to the Institute and turning his brain to mush.

"I’m not in the mood for your bullshit, Lightwood, so let me go. I gotta get back to Cordelia." he said freeing himself from Thomas’s grip and starting to walk towards Fleet Street. He thought he had made it when the imposing figure of the other appeared before him and he almost hit his nose on Thomas’s chest. He closed his eyes clenching his fists, trying to calm down.

"Move out of my way."

"No."

"Move. I said."

"And I said no." he came even closer, forcing him to step back. "Cordelia must be sleeping at this time," they both knew that was a lie and that, until all the Carstairs siblings were under the same roof, the girl wouldn’t sleep a wink, "Kai as well. So tell me what the hell happened tonight."

"Why do you even care?" even as he said it, Alastair realized how stupid that question was.

He knew full well that Thomas had very strong feelings for him, had stopped hiding them a few months after Alastair’s sister’s marriage, when he had let slip that he had broken up with Charles once and for all, coming out in front of the whole group of friends.

They had started going out more often and there was some stolen kisses, but nothing more. Alastair had stopped reaching out to him when they found out about his father’s relapse, withdrawing into himself.

Not because he was ashamed. No. It wasn’t his thing to be ashamed of. But if something like tonight had happened while Thomas was there with him, he would never forgive himself. There were things, as Shadowhunters, that Alastair could not spare him, but that nonsense that seemed so far from their world, so human, that, he could keep it away from the best part of himself. If it touched Thomas he would become black and dark like everything else in his life, and he could not allow the one light that pushed him forward to go out. He just couldn’t do it.

As he looked away at anything other than the boy in front of him, he heard Thomas laughing, but there was no amusement in that sound. He saw with the corner of his eye that the other was moving to the side, and when he turned to him, he had a hand reaching towards the road, now free from all restrictions. Alastair hesitated, ready to snap sideways if he tried to stop him again, but it didn’t happen, and Thomas stood still behind him.

Until, "Go, Alastair. Go. But just so you know, I’m not gonna wait for you forever."

Everything around him stopped. The wind among the leaves, the roar of the river. His heart.

"I can’t take it anymore." Thomas said in a lower voice, "I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know what your aim is. I don’t know what you want me to do." He took a shivering breath, rubbing his hand on his face, "First, you kiss me-t."

"It was you who kissed me." Alastair interrupted him, remembering the first time Thomas had stooped on him and had laid his lips on-

"Does it really matter?" he asked in an exasperated tone, staying two metres from Alastair, who continued to turn his back on him. "Because I think I’m falling in love with you, Alastair. And I’m terrified." Thomas said, moving towards him, "And I can’t understand why you do this. You push me away and I’m here, loving you, and I see you, Alas. I see you." Thomas' voice was reduced to a whisper now. “I see the way you think you’re all tough and strong. But you don’t have to. If you just let me-”

The tone so hoarse that he hardly recognized his own voice when, without looking at him, he asked him, "When are you going to realize that I don’t care about you?"

Alastair did not see him, but he felt the moment when Thomas’ heart disintegrated. He felt it because his own lay at his feet, cut into pieces. His throat tightened and he thought he could die when Thomas spoke, "This is not who you are." he murmured, keeping his tears at bay. Alastair turned around, quickly closing the distance between them and throwing both hands on Thomas’s chest, who, taken aback, tripped on his own feet, backing away a few steps. An expression of complete betrayal on the face.

"You don’t know anything about me. Much less who I am! So stop!" Now Alastair was screaming and his eyes filled with tears as he approached Thomas again, beating his fists on his chest one more time, "You know nothing! Nothing!" he screamed on his face, looking him in the eyes. "You can’t come and save the day as if it is nothing and say you love me, Thomas! You just can’t, fuck!" he raised his voice even more when he broke down and hot tears of anger rushed down his cheeks.

Thomas, frowny eyebrows, utter shock on his features, looked wide-eyed at a completely broken Alastair. He took his wrists in his hands and when he tried to free himself, he squeezed tighter. A particularly strong sob broke through Alastair, who crouched on the other and Thomas could only carry his arms around the boy he loved and who was now slowly fallin apart under his eyes.

"I don’t want you to end up like me." Alastair finally whispered. Thomas felt his heart breaking again and wondered how it was possible. He squeezed him tighter as he kept crying.

"I won’t end up like you. I promise." he whispered kissing his temple, bringing a hand to caress his head, being carefl not to touch the now-healed wound. "And I promise you that whatever it is, Alastair, we’ll work through it together. You’re not alone in this." he had to clear his throat before he could continue.

"I love you, Alas, I’ve always loved you and this matter never made me doubt my love for you. There hasn’t been a second in my entire life that I’ve looked at you and I haven’t thought about how much you’re worth it." he cupped Alastair’s cheeks in his hands, pressing their forheads together, his eyes closed. "I love you."

Alastair opened his eyes, tiptoeing to kiss him and Thomas went down on him, meeting him halfway, smashing their lips in a kiss full of desperation. He was kissing him as he had kissed him the first time, with passion, as if it were something he could do all day without ever getting tired. The guttural sound that came out of Thomas' mouth made Alastair separate his lips slightly and Thomas took the hint, wrapping his tongue with that of the boy in front of him, in a harmonious dance that didn’t need no music. The only sound that of their breaths mixing to form a battle cry. They moved gracefully, as if they had done it for years and their hands traveled on each other’s bodies, uniting as teeth and tongues collided, ravenous.

They broke off from one another only when the lack of oxygen made them see everything black and were forced to catch their breath.

Alastair was still crying, but now on, his swollen lips, there was a shy smile.

He had his arms wrapped around Thomas' neck and Thomas was holding him, his hands hidden under the thin white fabric of Alastair’s shirt. Every spot where his body came into contact with the skin of the other, burned and in that moment he really believed he could survive only of that feeling.

"What special treatment do you keep for the people you care about if you leave this one to the ones you don’t care about?" Thomas joked, holding him tighter. Alastair laughed and put his head between his neck and his shoulder, whispering idiot.

And after so much time spent denying what he felt for Thomas, he even allowed himself to believe that he would have made it through everything if he had his love beside him.

And he promised himself not to let his light turn off, ever. He would not allow anyone to break what they had just conquered.

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@tyherondaletrash @clara-sm ​ @panicatwallmaria