#but knowing me I'm probably going to write several

[cadaveerie]

cw: child abuse and non-sexual grooming

VEILGUARD SPOILERS (from lucanis' writing, a mission towards the ending and a little general)

About Lucanis and the Antivan Crows...

after finishing datv, I can finally say for sure that despite the fact that i find this game was overall fine, there are several things about it that have disappointed me. one of those things is about lucanis (and it's not even the only thing about lucanis that bothers me, but we'll leave that discussion for another time, because there's a lot to say about the writing).

in this game, Caterina Dellamorte (lucanis and illario's grandmother) is portrayed as a woman that's cold and demanding. not particularly nice, lucanis fully acknowledges that she's not exactly the loving type, and it's easy to assume things about her and about their relationship based on that... but for some reason it's never addressed that she abused lucanis when he was a child, by beating him and starving him. this is something that you can read in lucanis' story in tevinter nights, the wigmaker job, which was lucanis' introduction.

"Memories of sweat-filled days without food or water came unbidden Lucanis’s back tingled from where his grandmother’s cane had bruised his flesh for letting his guard down or fumbling his footwork. For years, he’d hated her. But his time as a Master taught Lucanis that Caterina’s cruelty was her way he was prepared for this life—that he survived."

I was waiting to finish the game before I said it, because I expected him to mention at some point but... no, nothing. I don't know if there's anything in a codex or something specific I missed, but even if that's the case, I expected it to be significant at all. it wasn't.

i'm not even going to get into what lucanis should feel about this. before the game came out i talked about some of my hopes for him based on the info we had about him, and imo there was not even half of that level of depth to his character. but i wouldnt have minded if the game went in another direction, or if lucanis simply just wasnt open to discuss it, or if he came to the conclusion that it was fine. i won't get into how "problematic" thinking that is, because i could understand that he tells himself that, and as a fucking assassin, i understand that he's come to terms with it because otherwise he probably wouldnt have survived in such a dangerous enviroment. i won't get into it bc as i said, i can understand it. my problem is that lucanis never says it. he never tells rook or anyone else that caterina abused him, or that the crows overall are very abusive and that they do this to children and break their minds basically in order to become emotionless living weapons. and if this is said in any banter, then i missed it in my 91h of gameplay, and i had lucanis in my party every single time we went outside. or it might be in a codex entry, idk. the point is that even if that's the case, that's not a great way to tell this info, especially when in the story theres no other way to learn anything like this about the crows. ppl that i talked to that didnt read tevinter nights didnt know this fact abt caterina and lucanis' past, they simply didnt cause how could they. I just wanted to say this because I think it's important to know if you like lucanis, or the antivan crows, and it's never even actually implied.

I also have many other issues with his writing, but the antivan crows are unfortunately also whitewashed. at least if you've played dragon age origins you know this, but our first antivan crow companion, zevran, talks about how he was taken as a child by the antivan crows. how he was literally bought by them as an orphan, and forced to become an assassin, and when he tries to flee, they attempt to murder him throughout the game. he even talks about how apparently some crows even made their members go through blood magic rituals to acquire abilities (SOUND FAMILIAR? IT'S LITERALLY WHAT ZARA DOES TO LUCANIS, ISN'T IT. HOW FUCKED UP). i think it's so disrespectful to dragon age's worldbuilding and so appalling that they simply... ignored all of this. I'm very upset that this was completely whitewashed. i wont get into it, but i assume they didn't show the crows being awful because, well... they have to be the good alternative for government in antiva. the bad guys are the antaam, and that's it. but one of the things i always loved about dragon age is how they treat these sort of political things. as i said, in origins the crows were more of an antagonistic figure, but at least it made them feel more real and serious. and people loved the crows like they were, fucked up assassins. in this game... idk, am i supposed to believe the assassin guys are nice? why hide the ugly? of course it's gonna be there, and it's ok. irl it happens a lot that oppressed people have to rely on groups that are less than ideal for their liberation, and a lot of times citizens are kinda ok w it bc no one else will stand up for them, so they have to work w what they have, and they're just relieved theres someone there for them. and it also shows that people are not perfect victims. if you're putting ppl in a corner, at some point ppl are rarely gonna care about being "good", and it's only human. and im not even gonna get into being an antivan crow rook because... sigh, it's more of the same. just disappointing. rook even mentions that theyre an orphan. and im pretty sure in the final mission about treviso, at least if you helped jacobus, he is like "i'll take in orphans and give them a chance". oh man, yeah. cool. please tell me how you'll raise them to be, im so curious to see how you won't groom children and abuse them into becoming mindless cold soldiers. that's fucking insane. this feels like fucking US army levels of propaganda and grooming. i love when we normalize child soldiers that's so fucking awesome i love this "woke" game when it's pro-military and anti-fucking-questioning-anything-a-military-force-does.

i even wondered if all of this has been retconned or simply ignored. i dont have a problem w retconning overall, and it's only natural it would happen in a franchise that's as old as DA, but the thing is... why would you do it. it literally just makes them flatter, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

so yes. im VERY disappointed in this game and the writing. this is one of the many things in the writing that disappointed me. the antivan crows are an organization that bring hope, and im perfectly fine with them being portrayed as "saviors", but im not ok with them conveniently not addressing any of their very bad issues. it's unrealistic. it's disrespectful to our intelligence, to dragon age fans and to dragon age origins. it's disrespectful to characters like zevran, who got into an insane war with them for a fucking reason. it's disrespectful to every antivan crow character to be honest. and im sorry, i dont even think this is insane to ask from them. like.... im literally just asking for consistency. they had it already, i dont understand why they did this. i had faith in them, but perhaps that's on me. im so heartbroken.

and i promise i actually think the game overall is ok. it was fun. definitely one of my least favorite games, if not my least favorite, but still. i appreciate it, and LOVED. LOVEEED some scenes. in fact, it might have at the very least one of my favorite scenes from the whole franchise. i think this game has very low points, and very high points, so it's hard to say what i think about it in few words.... but there are so many things like this in the writing, and it's just SO upsetting and disrespectful. im sorry. im truly sorry, you don't know how much i wanted to love this game and the writing. you have no idea. but i have self respect, and i don't lie to myself when i see something i dont like. it feels like they're whitewashing the crows cause we'd be too stupid to understand complex political issues. i thought this game was mature and could handle mature themes, but it doesnt seem like it's the case anymore. perhaps bioware is dead. i still want to believe they can come back from this but......... the post credit scene doesnt reassure me AT ALL. sigh. im just upset and sad. and as i said, this is only one of my many issues. i'll talk about the rest in the future, but im writing all of it down and i need time for that. i hope you understand that this comes from a place of genuine love. sorry i can't be happy about this game, but some of the stuff i see just ruins the rest for me.

edit: someone told me that apparently theres a banter when you go to dellamorte's villa and lucanis *implies* that he was beat by his grandmother (at least to another antivan crow rook). this whole post still stands though. i think that should have not been a banter that i (and im sure others) missed. and again, it also ties to how i think the crows as an organization and their methods were whitewashed. even if it's not particularly a lucanis problem, it could have been to some extent addressed by him.

[thegayhimbo]

I know this is coming a bit late, but since all of this was posted mere hours after Trump won the election in my country, I really wasn't in the mood at the time for making theories. I'm still technically in a funk, but I'm getting this done now to keep on top of things because I am really far behind in my reviews and speculations for Stranger Things.

1.) I am 80% convinced that the "Wheeler" who will vanish is Holly since the tidbits they've released indicate she's going to have a major role in season 5 and some kind of connection with Vecna. The book Alice in Wonderland will probably play a role in how they craft Holly's story since a reference was made to it on the Duffer Brother's Instagram post:

There's also how Holly's clothes in one of the BTS photos looks eerily similar to Alice's blue dress from the Disney movie:

Makes me question which Wonderland character Vecna is supposed to represent: The Mad Hatter? The Cheshire Cat? The Caterpillar? Maybe a male version of The Red Queen/Queen of Hearts?

2.) I speculated a while back that the book A Wrinkle in Time would be influential in the writing for season 5, especially with one of the titles being "Escape from Camazotz." While I have doubts now that Mike will be the one who disappears (as I originally suspected, though I could be eating my words later if I turned out to be right on that call), I do think there will be some kind of journey to a Camazotz-like location in the Upside Down to rescue one of the main characters (one of the spoilers from earlier this year implies that Mike, Will, and Holly may share the same story, so it could be that Mike ventures with Will to rescue Holly from Vecna) and that the Duffer Brothers are intentionally drawing parallels between the Hive Mind in the Upside Down and the one in A Wrinkle in Time that IT (the main antagonist of the book) uses to control the planet of Camazotz.

Plus, the Duffer Brothers posted this on their Instagram a while back during the production of season 5:

3.) The title "The Bridge" is likely referring to the bridge between the Hawkins and the Upside Down, and I suspect that episode will be about said bridge being damaged in a way that needs to be fixed in order to stop the UD's threat. However, since there have already been several references to children's books, I think there might be a third that this title is referring to: Bridge to Terabithia.

I remember reading this book in elementary school, and I know the story deals with two friends who create an imaginary world called Terabithia that can be accessed by crossing a river, and they go to this world as a means of dealing with their own struggles in the real world. Since one of the themes of the books is about building the bridge (both metaphorically and literally) between the two worlds to create stability in the main character's life, maybe that's what will happen with the Upside Down and Hawkins: Instead of the complete destruction of either Hawkins or the Upside Down, an equilibrium is established between both worlds (with effort from the main characters) where the Upside Down no longer poses a threat but can co-exist with Hawkins in a peaceful and stable way.

4.) "The Rightside Up" is pretty self-explanatory as a title. The question isn't whether the main characters fix things, but HOW they do it and what the cost will be.

5.) Every BTS photo I've seen gives the impression that the Military, and likely the residents of Hawkins who've taken up Jason's crusade from Season 4, will be antagonists to the main characters just like Vecna and the Mind Flayer. I also have no doubt Colonel Sullivan will have spent the last year and a half hunting for El while also trying to contain the threat of the Upside Down. What I want to know is why the main characters are still in Hawkins after all this time? We see photos of Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Will going to Hawkins High School, but I thought the idea at the end of S4 is that the Upside Down was leaking into Hawkins, which would make it a hotspot for toxic air, decay, and monsters popping out of the ground. Did the military quarantine the whole town and the residents can't leave Hawkins because they are infected? Or did they only seal off certain parts where Vecna's gate opened, and the town simply rebuilt around it and tried to get back to their lives?

[susiequaz12]

Carrot Top 59- Breathless

Here’s the next chapter! There most likely will only be one more official chapter before the series is complete (minus some drabbles) Chapter 58. Masterlist.  

CW: Not much for this chapter. Recovery whump. Some blood mentions and references to past injuries and torture. Some aspects of medical whump, and consensual spice. (Both characters are referred to as ‘boy’ but they are 19, and 21.) There is fluff. Lots of it. 

- - -

Andrew sat on the edge of the medical table, waiting for Tusik to check up on him, his feet dangling above the floor. 

They had been doing countless blood tests, trying to figure why he was coughing up blood, or having those severe bloody noses. Tusik was nearly at the answer. 

Well, in fact he had come to the answer as to the why behind it, but he was currently looking for a solution to fix it. A more permanent one that is. Replacing the blood Splice had pumped through him with some of his sister’s was enough to slow down the process. Their shared genetics and abilities counteracted some of the affects that caused all the bleeding, but Tusik knew it wouldn’t last. 

Andrew swung his legs absentmindedly and picked at the paper on top of the table. One of his ankles sat tight in a cast- still trying to heal from where the bones had been shattered and hammered back together- the other in a brace. He was still sore all over- almost constantly- but at least he was mostly functional at this point. 

That raging fever he had had the first two weeks he’d been home made everything far more difficult in the path of his recovery.

The door creaked open- bumping into the wheelchair propped behind it.

“Oh- sorry- sorry I-” 

Andrew stared up to look at Micah- standing in the doorway. 

“Hi-” he whispered.

“Hi.” The boy whispered back. “How- how are you feeling?” 

Andrew shrugged his shoulders. 

“‘M not bad- today’s been an okay day, pain wise.”

Micah nodded with a smile. “That’s that’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”

Andrew breathed- taking in the air to fill the silence that hung thick between them. 

“We uh- we haven’t really had a chance to talk-” Andrew stated.

Micah nodded. Taking a step closer to the boy. Micah had been there for every step of the recovery- but he had been so feverish, and sick and in pain those first few weeks, that it had been keeping him alive as the main focus. 

“No we- we haven’t.”

“Is that why you’re here?” 

Micah nodded, glancing at the boy. He didn’t look worse than he had been- but not necessarily better. There was some semblance of color to his cheeks, paired with the dark circles under his eyes made larger by his glasses.

“Tusik said I- said we could have a moment before he does your checkup.”

Andrew patted the side of the table next to him, motioning for the other boy to come sit down. 

Micah stepped over carefully- trying to find the words that had been rummaging through his brain since the boy had been taken. 

“I’m sorry.” The words came out of Andrew’s mouth before Micah could say anything.

He chuckled. “I thought I was the one going to apologize. What are you sorry for?” 

Andrew shrugged his shoulders, staring at the floor where the boy stood in front of him. 

“I’m sorry you had to see all of that. That you had to see me like that. I didn’t ever want you to get wrapped up in this- I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess- sorry that I made you worry- that- I’m sorry that-”

“Hey-”

Andrew reached up a shaking hand towards the boy- his fingers brushed against the side of his face where the cut from the man’s knife had torn through his skin. Andrew choked back a sob.

“-I- I’m sorry that he hurt you-”

Micah smiled faintly, placing his hand over the other boy’s on his face, and turning it to kiss his palm.

“I’m alright, Andrew, really.” He moved the boy’s hand, holding it in front of him before taking the other and stepping closer. “Are you?” 

Andrew stared off into distance behind the boy. He shrugged, and gripped Micah’s hands a little tighter. 

“I- well, I-” He hid a sob behind a forced laugh as tears started to leak from his eyes. “I wanted to die.” 

Micah nodded. “I don’t blame you.”

“It would’ve been easier. I mean hell, I’d lie if I didn’t say there were a few times I begged for it. It’s just been a constant battle of pain- every day- and at times I- I’d do anything for a relief.” His voice was breaking and Micah rubbed his thumb along the edge of the boy’s hand- Giving him the freedom to speak at his own pace. Andrew knew he didn’t need permission to speak anymore. But the reassurance was comforting. 

“I’d- I’d give him whatever he wanted. Scream- beg- get on- on my hands and knees and plead to him for anything I could do to make it stop-” The boy choked back a sob- closing his eyes to bring himself back to reality. He chuckled slightly- “I mean if you knew everything he did, it’s a miracle I didn’t die that first day he had me.”

Micah kissed the backs of his hands, his thumb rubbing along the scar from Andrew’s first day. 

“I’m glad you’re still here-” Micah whispered. 

Andrew pulled away a hand to wipe the tears on his face with the sleeve of his sweater.

“You- you made it worth it.” Andrew whispered. 

“Hmm?” 

“Honestly- the time we spent together is what kept me going. Anytime we’d just sit and watch a movie- or make cookies- or I’d- I’d sit and reread our texts it was- it was some little form of sunshine. It made things feel more- more normal.” He took in a deep breath- thinking of his next words carefully as Micah listened. 

“And I- I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you everything. I was worried it’d push you away, and I- I was scared to lose you because I- I enjoy having you around- I-” his breathing was quickening. Micah grabbed his hands tighter and Andrew took a deep breath to calm himself. 

“There you go- it’s alright, take your time.” 

“I- I know I’m a lot to handle. There’s an endless amount of pain and baggage and trauma that’s too much for me sometimes- so I don’t blame you if- if you if you want to walk away- or if I’m too much, or-”

“Andrew- honey-” Micah cut him off. He cradled the boy’s face in his hands, wiping away a strand of tears with his thumb. He tilted his face down- planting a soft kiss on his forehead. “You are not too much to handle. Okay?” 

Andrew took a few deep breaths- their foreheads met and Micah closed his eyes as the other boy’s hands went to rest on his wrists. 

“Okay-” he whispered. 

Micah knew he didn’t believe him. 

They stood there in silence for a moment- breathing in each other’s presence. Andrew could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. It was all he could think of to say.

Micah chuckled. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I- you’ve just- you’ve helped me so much. You’ve taken care of me- helped me through- through all of this mess, you haven’t judged me for lying to you, or hiding things, you’ve just always been willing to help- and I- I haven’t done shit for you.”

The boy shook his head, bringing a hand to cradle the back of the boy’s neck. Andrew leaned in to the touch.  

“You don’t know the half of it.” Andrew’s eyes shifted to meet the other boy’s. Micah smiled. “I’ve never had a guy care so much about me- or how I’m feeling. They only want me because I’m cute and available. I mean, you’re the one in pain, and you’ll ask me how I’m doing. You’ve taken the time to figure out what I like- what my favorite things are. You’re so selfless, and you always know how to make me laugh, or smile. I don’t know how you do it, it’s-” Micah paused for a moment- he could feel his face getting flushed as he spoke about the boy. “I just care about you so much. I want to help you get better, so you- so we can do all the things that’ll make you happy. So that you can be happy.”

Their eyes met, and Andrew smiled- sending butterflies flittering through Micah’s belly.

“You make me happy.” Andrew whispered. 

“I- I do?” 

“I want to kiss you-”

Micah stood there speechless for a moment- Andrew’s eyes darted to the boy’s lips- then back up to his face. 

“Are you- are you sure?” 

Andrew leaned forward- pushing their foreheads together. He took a soft breath- his heart pounding in his chest- and then closed the distance between them. 

It was so soft- so gentle. Micah’s breath was warm against his face- but it was only a moment. He pulled away just as quickly as he had pulled him in- unsure if they both should continue. 

Their eyes met and Micah was the first to pull away from the gaze. He had promised himself- if Andrew- no- when Andrew made it back- when he was better- he would ask him. 

He would confess it all- bare his heart open. But now- face to face with this boy that had just kissed him- he didn’t know if he had the strength to. He could ruin it so easily with just a few words- and yet Andrew had kissed him.

That obviously meant he wanted something, right?

“Andrew I- I had something I- I wanted to ask- I-”

“Please-” Andrew whispered, reaching a hand up to pull Micah’s face back to look at him. “-whatever you have to say- can it- can it wait? Can we just have this moment?”

Shit- the boy was right. They didn’t need to worry about logistics. About injuries or recovery- or anxieties or labels- just this moment- this boy sitting in front of him- that longing look in his eyes. 

That look was different this time. No longer begging for relief- longing for sympathy. It was simply waiting for reassurance.   

Micah cradled his head in his hands, rubbing his thumb along a patch of hair that hadn’t grown back yet. Andrew let his hands fall around Micah’s waist. 

Micah nodded, his voice falling to a whisper as he stepped in to Andrew’s touch. 

“It can wait.” 

And their lips met once more. 

At first Micah waited- almost hesitant as he let Andrew take the lead- and then- only then- when Andrew didn’t pull away- he kissed him back.

And it took Andrew’s breath away. 

He let the weight of his head be cradled by the boy- and wrapped a leg around him- pulling him in closer until he was pressed against the table, standing with his thighs in between Andrew’s knees. Andrew sighed as Micah let his fingers curl and play with his hair. The breath was hot against Micah’s lips and he could feel the rhythm of his inhale. 

Andrew let his fingers fiddle with the hem of the boy’s shirt- and Micah nodded against the boy’s lips. 

He let his hand find it’s way underneath the fabric- reaching up against Micah’s back- the other crawling around his waist. His skin was so warm- so soft and gentle. 

It was smooth- untouched- and Andrew couldn’t help but think of his own- littered with tangled scars and slashes- remnants of a whip or a knife- carved into his flesh as a permanent reminder.   

Andrew nearly pulled away but Micah only held him even tighter. A noise of contentment from Andrew brushed out against the other boy’s lips as he deepened the kiss, and he could feel Micah smile. 

There was so much warmth in the pit of his belly- fluttering up to the pounding in his chest. 

In that moment- cradled in Micah’s arms- their bodies and lips pressed flush together- Andrew could set everything else aside. 

He no longer thought of the scars that littered his skin as Micah pressed against him. He didn’t think of the bit- the muzzle in his mouth and the collar around his throat as he let himself be cradled- and kissed- and loved. He only thought of Micah.

Of the way his lips felt against his- the breath spilling over him- and he analyzed the way every touch felt. The boy’s fingers playing through his hair- holding his head and his face- the way his hands felt against Micah’s skin- his arms encircled about him- trying to pull him in tighter- to savor every touch- every breath. 

When Micah finally pulled away Andrew was left breathless. 

He had been left breathless countless times before. But those were the result of a hand- trapped around his throat- a collar buckled tight- or a wave of pain so engulfing it stole all his air.

This kind of breathless came from pure joy- from overwhelming emotion so strong that his body had to take a pause to recover.   

He was breathless- but oh, so- so happy.

Andrew couldn’t stop smiling. He held the boy in his arms- burying his face in his shoulder. 

Micah turned his head- kissing the side of the boy’s neck, crawling up to tease at the back of his ear.

 Andrew nearly giggled. 

He wanted to say it. He wanted nothing more than to be as vulnerable right now as Andrew had been with him. The only difference is that Andrew didn’t necessarily have much of a choice. Micah did. 

His breath tickled Andrew’s ear as he whispered. 

“Andrew I- I’m- I think I-”

He smiled. “I love you too-”

Micah pulled away- staring at the boy briefly before kissing him again. This time it was different- it was full of fire and passion- a tongue dipping briefly behind teeth- swirling heavy within the breath. Micah let his lips cover Andrew’s- like he was trying to breathe the life back into him once more. Open mouthed- gasping- as if trying to suck in air like a drowning man. 

And in a way- Andrew had been drowning. 

He had been so captivated by his pain- his torture and trauma- that he barely allowed himself a moment to realize the love and the happiness that had been surrounding him. 

Everyone here wanted him to get better. They sat by his bedside- wiping his face as he was wrought with fever- holding him still as he thrashed with a nightmare. They reassured him- hundreds and hundreds of times- no matter how much he told himself- that he was not a burden. 

That he deserved to be rescued- and safe- and healthy- and loved. 

Andrew had been surrounded by a lot of love in these past few weeks of recovery- but he hadn’t allowed himself to truly feel it. 

So for now- in just this moment- he let Micah love him. Even as the kisses moved past his mouth- trailing down his neck. Andrew leaned his head back- letting the soft lips brush over the scars around his throat before they found their way to his jaw- his cheek- eventually back to his lips. 

Andrew finally allowed himself to be loved. 

He allowed himself to be breathless. 

- - -

Tag List: @imagination1reality0 @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @thehopelessopus @burtlederp @whump-me-all-night-long @laves-here @yesthisiswhump @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @brutal-nemesis @lunaabsentee @morning-star-whump @beatenbruisedandbloody @sowhumpful

[fridayyy-13th]

i really need to stop staying up late when my intrusive thoughts come up again, they always get worse at night. i wanted to do some writing, but i procrastinated too long and now i feel too bad and when i tried, i couldn't focus. so i'm gonna try and go to bed.

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

[sparrow-in-the-field]

sometimes writing smut is writing one sentence and then staring off at nothing for like ten minutes before you can write another sentence.

[dawntheduckrb]

I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)

I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

[quatregats]

Finals are nigh I am thinking about the Solomon a Gaenor fic again time is a circle

[sysig]

I’ll be fine, I just have to get it all out of my system (Patreon)

[fingertipsmp3]

Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself

[longagoitwastuesday]

you seem to have a wide taste in books !! what are some books that you would recommend ??

Hmmm I wonder. I have the feeling I just read the same couple of books over and over, and at times only different iterations of the same story, like in that line by Borges ("the various intonations of a few metaphors").

I find recommending books without knowing anything at all about the person asking rather difficult. What I'd suggest to one may differ greatly from what I'd recommend to someone else. I'll give a list of some of my favourite books that I think are enjoyable in general:

— Thoughts by Pascal

— Cain: a mystery by Lord Byron

— The Iliad by Homer

— Crime and Punishment by Dostoievsky

— Othello by Shakespeare

— Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo

— Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand

— The fragments of the Presocratics

— La Regenta by Leopoldo Alas, Clarín

— Tractatus Logico-philosophicus by Wittgenstein

— East of Eden by John Steinbeck

— Vita nova by Dante

— Contributions to the Founding of the Theory of Transfinite Numbers by Georg Cantor

— Caligula by Albert Camus

— North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

— Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie

— Some essays by Russell. I personally love Mysticism and Logic

— Metamorphoses by Ovid

Poetry is perhaps harder to recommend because at times it translates horribly, but in general I love Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Lorca, Juan Ramón Jiménez, Rilke, Byron, Quevedo, Góngora, Lope de Vega, Horace, Catullus, Ovid, Tennyson, Maiakovsky, Garcilaso de la Vega, Oliverio Girondo, Vicente Huidobro, Emily Brontë, T. S. Eliot, Luis Cernuda and Edgar Allan Poe, to name a few.

[daincrediblegg]

you ever like... KNOW if you could get over just a wee mental block you could go absolutely fucking HAM on something? like completely batshit? 

[apatheticlexicographer]

welp, it finally happened. i think i'm getting bored of byler T_T

or at least most of the fandom's interpretation of them??? things have been dry recently but even tho there's been a bunch of new fancontent with byler week... yeah idk it aint clickin anymore. no shade to any of the creators in the fandom, y'all amazing, but i simply do not resonate with a lot of the takes that have been set into fanon by now

actually the last time i read a byler fic even to catch up on my subs was a couple weeks ago at this point

i still care abt them a lot in theory??? ig i enjoy how i perceive them from the show, but not so much consuming how others perceive them. i've still been having the occasional Blorbo Thoughts that i never feel like sharing and i have a few AUs i've been working on and a few more that are only conceptual, all of which i still find fun to think abt. i was literally doing some planning of a couple today. but straight canonverse as bylers interpret it has been sucked drier than a dust bunny for me. going thru the fics i've marked for later has felt more and more like a chore for months now, and if i scroll thru the tag itself on tumblr to see what's happening outside my mutualcule i just feel drained

i'm not leaving the fandom in the sense of completely disengaging myself from interacting with it. i still want to keep up with the news and i might give a bit more of a shit once filming starts. i also don't want to abandon any of my projects, both published and unpublished. but if i let myself get burnt out on the fandom completely then i'm not gonna be able to muster myself to care whatsoever about canon for years probably, which would really fucking suck bc i've loved this show since i was 12 years old and the byler side to my enjoyment started not even a year ago

so like. idrk what i'm saying. i've been mostly reading fic for other media for months now but i'm not fixated on any of them enough to get into the actual fandom space, i just need the detox. i'll probably be on tumblr just as much bc this is still my home but idk to what degree i'll consider myself to be IN the fandom as opposed to just happening to exist parallel to it

it's not rlly a surprise bc my interests consistently last abt a year but still. realizing that something that has brought u joy for months and months suddenly not only doesn't enthuse u anymore but actively BORES u to dedicate much of ur attention to Fucking Sucks. i always forget how much i hate it when my hyperfixations die :[[[

(of course all of this may change on a whim in a couple of weeks when i stop being so burnt out by cramming to finish schoolwork lmfao)

[smollsmule]

Ok ok but you wanna know the real tea?? I've read several beach fics at this point (which are all awesome btw, y'all are amazing writers) and it's a beloved staple to have Edwin be somehwat scandalised at everyone's beach outfits not to mention all flustered from seeing Charles in swim wear. Which is a Good Trope, don't get me wrong, I love that just as much as the next person

HOWEVER

I think actually it's Charles who should be more shooketh about Edwin in his funky lil edwardian two piece!!

Picture this. The year is 1916. You are 16 year old Edwin Payne with a bunch of repressed gay thoughts. Much unpleasantness happens, you die and get dragged to hell, even more unpleasantness happens, 70 years later you finally manage to claw your way up and suddenly women are allowed to vote. There's been not one but two world wars, several countries you grew up reading about in the news don't exist anymore and mini skirts are a thing now.

All I'm saying is, for all the teasing Edwin gets for "What is a handjob?" and "Crystal's internet", this kid was essentially thrust into a scifi world full of weird shit and gets mostly by via an attitude which can only be paraphrases as "fuck it, this might as well be a thing (maybe ask Charles about it later)". King of adaption, master of radical acceptance.

Charles on the other hand, and I say this with only love in my heart, is at his core a boomer. He was there for every tiny gradual shift from '89 to modern day. Sure, he was dead for most of that time, but that's not really relevant. All I'm saying is, seeing the bbc announce marriage equality was probably a bigger shock to Charles than it was to Edwin. That's a guy who already had to accept he will never fully wrap his head around home television.

Also consider the states of undress they've been exposed to seeing the other in. Edwin was stripped to his underwear in hell and still had his knees and elbows covered. And that was probably a more exposing outfit than he'd ever be comfortable with. His usual casual get up features a sweater vest for crying out loud! Meanwhile you have Charles going full 'ceps out in his undershirt first chance he gets. Edwin either got real cool with a lot of shit real fast or he would have combusted several times over those 30 years.

And yes yes, we've all seen Edwin "Haunted By Gay Thoughts" Payne's mental slideshow of abs n hips close ups after getting one (1) glance at the Cat King's stomach. But to his credit, the man was going through a full blown sexuality crisis at that and has since emerged victorious.

So all I'm saying is. Edwin seeing Charles shirtless at the beach? Probably not even the first time this is happening, a lil flustering for sure but just last week he saw two people making out nasty on the tube so hell if he knows. Charles seeing Edwin's kneecaps and upper arms for the first time? Incredible, show stopping, pride and predjudice 2005 hand flex level of suppressed horniness.

Anyway. I'm writing this fic now and none of y'all can stop me.

[hellsitegenetics]

hello, can you please genome this:

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?

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Closest match: Danio rerio genome assembly, chromosome: 9 Common name: Zebrafish