#but just like back then I know now that it won’t be like this forever
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Something something… through Viktor’s actions we see his possible linear mental checklist of his goals in life, and those goals included eventually confessing his feelings to Jayce, but before he did he felt he needed to do other things first. Namely:
1) Make Hextech a reality - Check. Viktor and Jayce actually achieved this one by 1.04. They could continue to refine forever but you can tell they both felt a sense of accomplishment in this.
2) Give Hextech to the people - Incomplete. At the end of S1 they had the refined Hextech crystals but the full benefits of their work had not reached the masses. Nor would it/should it ever.
3) Help the Undercity - incomplete, arguably completely unaddressed or even undermined by their work. The Hexgates drew Piltover’s attention away from the Undercity, which is why it languished while Piltover looked to distant markets. Hextech materially made life worse for the Undercity, as the alternate timeline showed us.
4) Hextech innovations lead to a cure for Viktor’s disease and disability - Successful but in the most horrifying way possible, including a body count.
5) Profit - Confess his feelings to Jayce.
(Don’t get too hung up on the order here because obviously a lot of these things could happen concurrently and I don’t think Viktor is stupid he would know that Hextech innovation could take a lifetime and probably wouldn’t wait to confess to Jayce just for that endlessly moving finish line.)
BUT, joking aide, I truly DO think that Viktor is kind and empathetic at his core and he really didn’t plan to confess his feelings to Jayce until he found a cure for his disease, which would require a lot of Hextech innovation to have any hope of reaching. Literally it would take a miracle.
I think Viktor’s belief in his own inadequacy could have festered in the painful doldrums of his own rapidly advancing illness after the initial glow of making the Hexgates happen.
Any hope of finding a cure was always remote, but as his illness advanced, this is when he may have even begun to push Jayce away, knowing the inevitable was coming. He certainly wouldn’t confess feelings to someone he loved with his days so numbered.
And that’s where I think a thread of actual resentment towards Mel might have crept in. To be fair, I don’t think Viktor hated her as a person, as such, nor was he a swooning teenager wracked by petty jealousy. But I think it must have stung to have his days so numbered and have this woman who represented everything he couldn’t offer to Jayce: health, wealth, beauty, position, prestige, etc distracting his attention away during what might be Viktor’s final days.
The thing is, I think rationally Viktor didn’t say anything because again, his days were numbered and Jayce and Mel were happy and well suited and beautiful and perfect together. He had nothing to offer. And it would be cruel to drag Jayce back just so Jayce would have to mourn him even more. Then as a result, Viktor was even more consumed by trying to save his own life by a miracle, though he now had to do it more alone than he ever predicted he would have to.
But there’s that horrible catch 22. He can’t tell Jayce how he feels because he might fail and die anyway and that would be cruel to someone he loves. But if he doesn’t tell Jayce, Jayce won’t come back to his side to help him out with the research needed to maybe save it.
Then Sky dies to the Hexcore and Viktor realizes just how much he’d lost of the parts of himself he liked, the parts that cared about helping others as PART of the cure for himself, and truly just gave up on any of it. He made his peace, decided to support Jayce during the emancipation of Zaun as a sort of ambassador, and resigned himself to the fact this would be the end for him.
Well, we know what happened next. Jayce saved his life, against Viktor’s wishes, using Viktor’s now-hates innovation.
Ok so now for the part that I was trying to get to:
A newly healed Viktor now has to reevaluate his life’s work checklist. It’s a much shorter list now.
1) Save his own life - check.
2) Figure out a way to make the world a better place - check.
3) Confess to Jayce now that you’re proud of who you are both inside and outside. You are finally worthy of him. You will finally live long enough that confessing isn’t an act of cruelty. You finally have achievements that make you worthy to proposition the creator of Hextech and the man you love, who is as far as you know, currently dating the physical embodiment of perfection.
And that explains Viktor’s catwalk into the Council Chamber in 2.08. He’s decked out in Mel’s colors. He’s ready to compete. He’s perfect now. He’s found a way to save humanity from itself. He is now worthy of Jayce and in a place where he can actually offer a lifetime together.
And Jayce rejects him.
This stuns Viktor. Actually, it fully knocks him into a villain arc, because Jayce has never refused him anything before. And Viktor can’t comprehend why his checklist didn’t work. Why did becoming perfect not work?
Because Jayce didn’t need the checklist. He’d already broken up with Mel. He didn’t need Viktor to be healed or to have already saved the world or to be anything else but Jayce’s partner. Jayce would have been happier if Viktor proposed at Step 0, but Viktor thought that would be a cruelty if he didn’t have a cure yet.
But I truly think Jayce would have preferred even just a day as Viktor’s official partner if that was all they got over a decade of being held at arm’s length until “everything was perfect”.
And that’s what Viktor doesn’t understand.
And that’s what Jayce had to show him in that final act of love.
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under pressure- s.reid
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summary: endings are bittersweet...
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader
warnings: spencer is a dick
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“You don’t know how much pressure I’m under-!” you tried to explain, tears running down your cheeks.
“You’re under pressure?” he scoffed. “You’re ‘under pressure’. Y/n, you are doing a bachelors degree in law, not trying to win a Nobel Prize. You are under no pressure right now, alright. A-and I am under massive amounts of pressure, and I ask you, one simple thing, and you won’t do it. One thing. And you won’t do it.”
“Spencer, I-I’m sorry I just-”
“It was one thing,” he sighed.
“I have study to do, I have a job, I’m the one who takes care of our apartment! You’re barely ever here! Excuse me for moving a fucking book Spencer, I am so sorry!” you shouted, getting angrier. He had no right to speak to you like that. None whatsoever.
“It's not just a book!” he screamed. “It’s the fact that you can’t do the one thing I asked you to do!”
Spencer had never screamed at you before. It was jarring. He was scary when he screamed.
You sighed. “Let me ask you to do one thing: leave me alone.”
And with that, you left the kitchen and walked straight into the bedroom, allowing yourself to finally break down. Spencer didn’t get to speak to you like that, it wasn’t right. You were worth more than that. After about 30 minutes, the knocks came, and your annoyance grew.
“Baby, come on, I’m sorry,” he said through the door. “Please can we talk about this?”
No answer. You didn’t want to. You didn’t have to. He was the one in the wrong, not you.
“Y/n, please can we just talk about this like adults?” he begged.
‘Like adults’. Your emotions were childish, your responses were childish, you were childish. That’s what that meant. You were sick of this, sick of him. You didn’t want to deal with it all right now, you just needed a break. You looked out the window. He’d never let you leave in the middle of an argument, and while he was usually great at arguments, you really couldn’t deal with it right now, and you needed some room to breathe.
“Please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t want you to stress yourself out. I know being with me isn’t always easy. Y/n? Are you even in there?”
You weren’t. You had climbed out the window.
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After about 2 hours of walking around Quantico with no phone, no headphones, and a lot to think about, you finally came back to the apartment to find Spencer, Derek, Aaron, Penelope, and Emily all standing around ‘looking for clues’. You scoffed as you walked inside, none of them noticing you.
“I’m right here,” you announced and they all turned to look at you.
“Y/n,” Spencer rushed over to you as the rest of them filed out, leaving you both to talk it out. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have,” you scoffed. “I’m so fucking done right now.”
The colour drained from his face and he was quiet. “What do you mean ‘done’?”
“I mean you can either start acting like I matter, or you can watch me walk away. I’m not going to wait here forever for you to treat me well. If you have an issue with that, then I suggest we stop now,” you sniffled, grabbing a glass of water. “My masters degree matters, Spencer. My opinions matter. I should matter to you more than a fucking book.”
“You do,” he said, softly placing a hand on your cheek.
“Do I?” you asked, fresh tears filling your eyes. “Do I really?”
He looked down ashamed. “You’re the most important person in my life, I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you weren’t. The book doesn’t matter, I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole. I’m just stressed and overwhelmed. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Of course your masters matters. Of course your opinions matter. I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel any different. ”
You sighed. “Spencer, you can say that but you don’t make me feel like that. You never ask about my day, my opinion, my work. It’s always about you. I’ve felt like this for a while now…”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
You scoffed. “You’re never home, when would I?”
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. You dropped his hands.
“I think I’m going to stay at a friends��� house tonight. I just want a break.”
He stilled. “Really?”
You nodded, tears falling. “I’ll come back to grab my things tomorrow.”
He grabbed your wrist as you tried to walk away. “Please don’t say it-”
“I love you Spencer, but I can’t keep doing this. Please get help. I’m your girlfriend, not your carer.”
And you left him standing in your shared apartment, his heart broken and his world crumbling around him.
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criminal minds masterlist
navigation for my blog :)
#criminal minds#criminal minds imagine#bau team#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fluff
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Church
Rafe Cameron x fem reader
Author's note: I remember I wrote this for @sugarcoatedstarkey a few years ago 🙈 can't believe we forgot about this one 😵💫🫠 wish Rafe would take ME to church 🙃
Warnings: SMUT, reader is Ward's personal assistant, oral (fem and male receiving), sex in the workplace
Summary: sparks fly when you and Rafe stay after hours in the office to work on a project
You had worked at Cameron Development for over six months. You worked as Ward Cameron’s personal assistant. His son, Rafe also worked closely alongside you. You guys spent a lot of time together. He was very sweet to you and it seemed like he was being flirty sometimes. But you didn’t want to just assume the boss’s son was hitting on you, so you never pursued anything.
It was a Friday afternoon and Ward had sent everyone else home early. He instructed Rafe and you to stay behind and finish up a very important business proposal. You were a little excited to hear it because you had never been left completely alone in the building with just Rafe. You guys worked quickly and things were almost done. You just needed to get everything printed off and ready to present.
“I’m gonna go wait on all this stuff to print.” You let him know and he nodded as you headed to the copy room. You were standing over the printer waiting patiently for it to be done. It was an older machine and took forever to do anything. You didn’t understand why the office didn’t buy a new one. You knew the Cameron’s were loaded. You popped your head up quickly when you heard Rafe come into the room.
“You’re gonna hate me but I accidentally printed everything out of order.” You jokingly groaned at him. You knew that meant that you guys were going to have to shuffle through the huge stack of papers erupting from the printer and put it all back together the right way. Rafe started grabbing what was complete and laid it out on the table behind you.
You went back and forth between helping him scramble things back together and grabbing stuff as it came off the machine. You accidentally bumped into him a couple of times as you were both trying to go as fast as possible so you could go home for the weekend. You guys laughed and brushed it off until your hand grazed his when you both went to grab the same page. You saw something change in his eyes.
He quickly reached out to grab your face and bring you in for a kiss. You could feel the neediness in the kiss, you could sense that he wanted to do this for a long time. His lips were soft and you were intoxicated with the smell of his cologne. You pulled away for a second, questioning the situation.
“Rafe..” You looked up at him with a concerned look on your face. “Your dad will fire me.” He laughed and closed the gap in between you.
“What my dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He smirked and you smiled as he reattached his lips back to yours. His hands immediately went to cup your ass, rolling your hips into him earning a whine from you. You had dreamed of this countless times but now that it was actually happening, it was like fireworks were going off in your mind. He gripped the back of your hair tightly as he swiped his tongue across your bottom lip, begging for access. You let him have it.
After a while of teasing each other with your tongues, you let your hand trail down the front of his body until it met the hem of his pants. Your hand started dancing around the outline of his cock through his pants and he bit your lip when you finally made contact with it. He was hard as a rock already and you were highly pleased with yourself. You pulled away from his kiss and slid down until you were on your knees.
“I’ve thought about this a lot.” You said to him as you undid his buttons and slowly slid his pants down until his cock slapped up to his stomach. Holy shit, you thought to yourself. He looked down smirking at your reaction, you were definitely fueling his already huge ego. He was huge. This was going to be a challenge but you were up for it.
“Me too Y/N, I’ve wanted to-” He gasped the second your tongue made contact with his head. You swirled it around the tip to tease him before hollowing out your cheeks, taking him all the way in your mouth. “My fucking god.” He used his hands to grip all of your hair, making sure it was out of your way as you went to work on him. You traced every vein on his cock as you bobbed your head up and down. It was almost too much for you to take when you felt him hit the back of your throat but you powered through. The sounds he was making made you soak your panties. You always got off on pleasing others. “I’m gonna cum.” He groaned as you felt him twitch in your mouth. And then his spurts of hot wet cum spilled straight down your throat. You sucked him dry before releasing him from the grips of your mouth.
He reached down quickly pulling you back up before picking you up and setting you on the printer, which was still working. He kissed you once before moving his attention to your neck. The fire between your legs burning hotter and hotter.
“Rafe, just fuck me already.” His hand went up under your skirt to grab your underwear and start tearing them down your legs.
“Absolutely not baby girl. Not before I return the favor.” You sighed heavily as he slid down your body and pushed your legs apart. You benched your impatience when you felt his hot breath over your aching pussy. You almost fell off the printer when he sucked on your clit. He used both of his hands to steady you where you were sitting while he ate you like you were his favorite dessert. Your hands tugged at his hair as you felt your orgasm bubbling in your lower stomach.
“It feels so good Rafe, don’t stop.” He moaned into your pussy and flicked your clit even faster, not something you thought was even possible. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let yourself release, your slick coating his beautiful face. Your whole body was vibrating as you came down from your high. His tongue finally left your heat and he left tender kisses on the inside of your thighs before coming back up to face you.
You pulled him by his collar to kiss him deeply. The sweet taste of yourself still very prominent on his lips. He broke away from the kiss, pulled you off the machine, and spun you around so that you were facing it. He pulled your skirt up out of the way just enough so he had access. He wrapped his left hand around your throat as he pulled you into his chest. He used his free hand to shove himself inside of you. You both moaned simultaneously.
He started thrusting into you at a slow pace at first, his hand still tightening around your throat as you begged for more. He placed a kiss on the side of your head before moving his hand and shoving your body down onto the printer. He gripped your hair as he started pounding into you harder.
“Fuck you’re so tight baby, I’m not gonna last.” He groaned out as he slid in and out of you with ease. He was stretching you out so good, this was so much better than all the fantasies you played out in your head about him. The tip of his cock had found that special part inside of you that had you a whimpering mess underneath him. You gripped the sides of the printer like your life depended on it.
You two hadn’t even noticed that in the chaos of you fucking, you knocked all the freshly printed papers on the ground. A mess you would have to deal with later. You started to feel yourself clench around him and he started to slow down, trying to savor the moment. He was close too, his thrusts were becoming sloppy.
“Rafe, fuck I’m gonna cum.”
“It’s okay baby, I’m right behind you.” He thrusted into you a couple more times before you were pulsating around him, causing him to shoot his cum deep inside of you. He leaned over you for a few moments, trying to catch his breath.
“Fuck Y/N, why haven’t we done this sooner?” He pulled himself out of you, pulling his pants back up before finding your panties for you.
“Because I was waiting for you to make a move.” You turned to face him with a cheeky grin.
“Well next time I won’t keep you waiting beautiful.” He leaned down, kissing you gently.
“Next time?” You asked.
“I mean if you want to. I personally can’t wait to fuck you in every square inch of this office.” He winked at you and you playfully shoved him away.
“We’ll see Cameron.” You teased as you both went to work cleaning up the mess all over the floor.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x reader#obx#drew starkey#drew starkey smut#Spotify
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sweethearts [ johnny ‘soap’ mactavish ]
johnny ‘soap’ mactavish x f!reader
You had known him forever. Since nursery school and all the time in between.
John MacTavish- though, you called him Johnny. And in later life, that turned into calling him ‘Soap’.
He had been gunning for that uniform since you were 15 and he was 16… falsifying his age only to fail miserably.
It was culture shock to when he left when he was 18… he was your first friend, first kiss, first young love. Yet, it was nothing official. Just two best friends experimenting with each other. You couldn’t have asked for a better person.
You were there when he came back- more of a man than the boy who left. All of him larger than before even that indicative smile. But HE hadn’t changed, still the same snack eating, football loving Scotsman.
That meant your attraction for him was worse than ever- having been in love with Johnny for most of your life. His sky bursted gaze enough to drive you crazy.
Someone like him would never feel the same about you- strictly friends.
Mates who got mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend most days of the week. Neither of you minded it but it was always you who persisted the, ‘as if… he drives me insane…’ the pining kind of insanity.
His return led you to distance yourself, an insecure freshly turned 18 year old, distracting herself from the boy next door. Johnny could do much better for friends than you, he was the youngest SAS recruit to pass the selection.
HE COULD DO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.
You didn’t even go say goodbye to him when he left for his first mission- somewhere you’d never know.
Instead, he came to you. Stood at your doorstep.
His face gloomy, “So you weren’ even gonna say goodbye?” Not knowing what to do, your shoulders shrugged and silence ensued. “You’ve been off for weeks, when was the last time we had a movie night? Is it because of the training? Me leavin’?”
Fingers picking at your nails; you’d never been nervous around him. But this was the first time seeing him in god-knows how long, when you hadn’t spent a day away from each other. “I don’t know, John- ,”
“You do know and that’s the problem, Y/N, because you won’t bloody tell me what I’ve done wrong,” he spoke harsher than intended, regretting it within an instant as your stepped forward- sizing the six foot something soldier up.
Staring up at him, “Why do you bother with me when you could have anybody around you? I’m not going anywhere with my life!” It wasn’t envy that spurred you on, it was the fact he was going to leave you.
Heartbroken and yearning. Lost without the boy who had always bolstered you up when you had been thrown to the ground.
Johnny’s eyes welled with tears, “What’s made you think that?”
In a whisper, “You’ve just gotten into the fucking SAS, Johnny…”
“So what? I’m still the same guy… nothing’s ever gonna change me… you should know that by now…”
You wanted things to change- the dynamics between you. Before he found somebody who would knock him off his feet and you’d never get the chance.
His fingers trailed your arm, before he cupped your hand. Blue coveted your vision, “Nothing’s goin’ to change us, you’re my absolute best mate…”
Like a dagger, he struck a nerve, “Maybe I don’t want to be your ‘best mate’, I’m sick of pining for you when clearly you’ll never feel the same way,” a quick pause, “Go and find a pretty gir- ,” Before you knew it, his kiss smothered you. More intimate than when you were twelve, with more intent.
Instead of resisting, you caved in. Hands balanced holding his jawline, clean shaven.
Exploring every inch of your body in that hurried kiss. It was better than anything you had dreamed.
Before you pulled away first, “You’re my everything, Y/N…” Thumbs rubbing circles at your waist. “I cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted to do tha’…”
The memory ran writhe in your brain. That was 8 years ago…
Since then you were happily married with a baby on the way. Johnny had been deployed for over a month. Today he was supposed to be returning- from where you didn’t have a clue but he always came home safely.
That’s what mattered.
You expected the phone to start buzzing, the usual unknown number saying to go to the airport. Instead, a knock at the door.
It was like him not to want to run you around pregnant. But it was Simon who answered the door.
Not able to help the tremble. Air caught in your throat, choking on nothing. “He’s not… is he?” Stopping those tears from coming down- clutching your belly.
You’d have fallen to your knees- had it not been for capable hands.
You looked up, blue eyes for days and a face contorted worriedly, “What did you say, to ‘er, LT?” He held you close, but it would never be enough for you. “You and munchkin okay?” He rubbed your large stomach.
You crushed him in your arms. “Darlin’, I’m a bit tender…” Only then did you notice the sling in his arm, a bandage skirting beneath his shirt.
“What happened?” He shook his head, a grin on his face.
One of nervousness, “It could have been a lot worse,” Simon was as gruff as usual. You would never be allowed to know what happened.
“I’m just glad you’re safe and sound,” Thumb rubbing along longer stubble on his cheek, there was more to the story than either him or Simon were telling you. “You too, Si, thanks for taking care of him.” Spoken wholeheartedly, “Dinners on, you can stay if you want?”
He accepted as he usually did. The mood held less tension as time went on. You came to the conclusion that you were lucky to have Johnny in front of you, laughing at some stupid dad joke Simon said.
All you did was sit there, looking at the guy you had loved all your life.
Your Johnny…
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I contemplated 💀 Johnny but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’s just too sweet and just too tragic to write.
Thank you for reading :) xx
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masterlist
#johnny soap mactavish#johnny mactavish#soap x reader#soap call of duty#soap cod#soap mw2#soap mw3#john soap mactavish#cod mw3#cod mw2#cod x reader#cod modern warfare#cod#cod mwii#cod mw x reader#mw2
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“I can’t speak!” Jason screams, but all that comes out is a gargled mess that sends the expression on Dick’s face plummeting into the icy depths of hell. It’s so pleasing. So, so pleasing to see the joy and humour wiped clean from the face of Dick Fucking Grayson. That’s right, the grief in Jason crows, feel just an ounce of the pain that you left me in.
“I—“ Dick can’t seem to speak either, but for a different reason. His own voice box, whole and unslashed and never silenced, bobs as he swallows. “How did this happen, Jay? S-Since when…”
‘Are you fucking stupid!’ Jason feels his useless larynx tear at the force of his rage, mangled vocal cords vibrating painfully, feeding iron down his throat, ‘Who do you think did this to me!’ And the knife in his heart demands more agony, so Jason tears the collar of his under-armour down.
Dick’s eyes go straight to where he wants it, to Jason’s neck, where his mutism is slashed across his throat in one vicious, horrible, line. Seven inches stretching perpendicular to his oesophogus. Six months healed, but forever an angry, jagged scar of raised tissue.
And Jason knows that Dick knows. He hears the sharp intake of air, and sees Dick’s eyes grow round enough that he almost looks like his younger self. The self that had taken one look at Jason wearing his colours and cursed him for it.
Jason waits for the satisfaction to hit, begs for the high of the pain when he finally gets to see the horror, the anguish, on the face of the Robin that Jason had once watched flying over rooftops with nothing but stars in his eyes. Now neither of them are starry-eyed. Jason’s are poison green, while Dick’s are a few shades away from sharing the riteousouness of their mentor. So Jason waits, for disgust, or fear, or— Or anything! Anything that he could latch on to instead of noticing the wetness in his eyes, or the beat of his lungs expanding irregularly.
But Dick disappoints him. Because there is no anger from him, only an overwhelming sense of grief. Only a sharp recoil, and a sound almost like a sob.
Suddenly, Jason is uncomfortable. And ashamed.
“Jaybird…”
‘Stop looking at me like that,’ Jason’s mind says. ‘Get the fuck away from me,’ his body language says.
Dick swallows hard, tripping backwards. Away from Jason. “I-I’m sorry, I need to—“ He bolts from the room and takes Jason’s rage with him.
Dick is shaking. He’s shaking so hard his brain mistakes the floor as a ship adrift at sea, his side hits the corner of the table as he drops to his knees. It probably hurts, but not as much as the engulfing, stuttering pumping in his chest. His heart is trying to leave him through his throat, his lunch is successful.
Jason will never make jokes at Dick’s expense again.
Jason will never wittily insult his opponents again.
Jason will never quote Jane Austen or reenact Shakespeare again.
Jason will never speak again.
Oh god. Dick couldn’t even remember the last time he had heard his brother’s laugh. Was it before Ethiopia?
He wipes the sick from his mouth and goes back. Jason looks… not fine, his eyes are near glazed, but his head tracks movement so Dick tries anyways. “Does he know the full story?”
Jason’s shoulders come up in a kind of half shrug. Then his hands come up, flipping and moving. Dick scrambles to keep up, his signing is functional but inferior. The first Robin didn’t learn how to sign until Jason, who sat on a fire escape of a crime alley apartment building every night for months just trying to make conversation with a young boy who was deaf.
“His batarang,” Jason tells him in sign, a condemnation. It’s an answer for a lot of things. Because, Bruce had sat at a workbench for years, Bruce could slice an apple from a branch without rustling the leaves. Bruce knew what his batarangs could do.
Dick trembles. Rage? Fear? He doesn’t know, but it forces him to open his mouth. “He won’t fucking come near you again, Jay, I swear it.”
And that smashes the floodgates to smithereens. Jason is heaving, a wretched, ugly, soundless thing of pain and betrayal. His fingers jerk, pressing a phantom trigger, aimed at nothing until Dick steps forward. After that, Dick can barely keep up with Jason’s fluttering hands. “He chose him over me. He chose him. He killed me and he chose him.”
Him. Jason’s killer. Joker.
“I know, Jaybird, I know,” Dick whispers uselessly. “Tell me what you need.”
A breath, two. Jason exhales and it sounds like a rockslide in a thunderstorm. Sinew tearing, blood gushing. Dick’s toes curl at the sounds but Jason makes his lips move, soundlessly, at first. Pointlessly. Then gravel forcing itself off his tongue.
“K…ill… ‘im,” Jason rasps, the effort staining his teeth red.
And Dick closes his eyes, and swears it on the universe.
Usually I don't really enjoy the 'deaf Red Hood' trope 'cause Jason goes through enough in canon without the added angst. But, I dunno, I just really wanted to write like a hurt!Jason type thing and what better than if Dick finds out that Bruce's batarang did some lasting damage.
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Nishimura Riki | NDA
☁︎︎ Idol!riki x fan!reader | fem!reader
↯ fluff, crack maybe suggestive a little more into the fic, use of social media (instagram, twt), reader is just a regular girl going to school and stuff
⚠︎︎ will contain mentions of alcohol consume later
-Love at first sight?-
“I swear to god Alija“
”Imagine you just want to work in peace and suddenly out of nowhere Jake and Ni-ki from fucking enhypen walk in and order a coffee from you” you say before taking another bite from the pizza Alija made for the both of you.
Alija giggles, “I would’ve freaked out honestly” she says.
“I DID freak out and you know it, but I had to keep it together somehow, you know”
“nah that’s true” she says between chewing her last bite.
“Like, I knew they’d be here in this area because of the concert” you start.
“but I would’ve never imagined that they come to our fucking workplace for coffee” you finish dramatically and slap your hands on your face.
“and the worst thing is” you exclaim and stand up abruptly “rikis hand touched mine”
“WHILE HE SMILED AT ME ALIJA”
Alija bursts out into laughter.
“I swear I fell in love even more” you sigh.
“I bet he’ll recognize you at the concert” she says as the supportive-equally-delusional best friend she is.
“He absolutely won’t” you answer
“Hyung do you remember the girl from the cafe this morning?” Ni-ki asks Jake, as they sit in Jakes hotel room and scroll through their phones.
Jake looks up from his phone and smirks.
“Yes of course”
Riki also looks up from his phone and sighs.
“I can't get her out of my head” he says and runs his free hand through his hair.
“I really wanna see her again, do you think she'll be at the concert?” he asks.
“I don't know, could be possible, she seemed a little nervous when we ordered” Jake chuckles.
“Can we go back tomorrow before the rehearsals?” Riki asks and looks at Jake, hoping he'll go back with him.
“yea I think that should fit” Jake answers him, still smirking.
“Why do you look at me like that?” Riki asks jokingly offended and throws his hands in the air.
Then suddenly he hears his phone go off.

After looking at his phone, Riki looks up to Jake who’s now holding in a laugh.
“I am really not” he whines “I- I just think she’s pretty you know”
Jake shakes his head and starts typing again.
After sending his last message, he walks over to Jake and jokingly threatens to kick him “I genuinely hate you” he says and lets himself fall onto the hotel bed.
“oh come on, there’s nothing bad about this”
Jake declares “Just give her your number tomorrow if you're so down bad already” he continues and shrugs his shoulders.
“No I cannot do that, what if it gets leaked or some shit like that” Riki groans while staring at the ceiling.
“True” Jake starts to speak while sitting down beside him, “but honestly, I guess it's a take it or it's probably gone forever kind of situation” he finishes his sentence.
“But isn't that problematic? What if she's a fan for real? Isn't that even-” Riki replies but get's cut off by Jake “fuck this problematic whatever stuff” he calls out “Nda's exist you know” he adds.
Riki hums.
“Just try and see where it goes, huh” he begins again. “Not everything has to ‘end’ negatively”
Riki nods and sits up. “I guess, yea” he answers while standing up.
“Then tomorrow 11 AM down in the lobby?” he asks before turning to leave the room.
“Sure, see you” he answers “and think about it” Jake exclaims before Riki leaves the hotel room, to go into his own.
His thoughts now running wild.
Should I do it and take the risk?
Would she even be interested?
What if it works out?
What if I'm in love for real?
Wait, does love at first sight exist?
He shakes his head, and rummages through his suitcase searching for the pajamas he packed, before changing and getting ready for bed.
But, he couldn't really sleep.
He turns from the left side, to the right side.
From his back to his stomach.
And again, from left to right.
From back to stomach.
But he couldn't get her out of his head.
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tags: @chaevibes @yangjungwonnie @minskzy @d-dilemma @microwvdstrawb3rri3s @ssiiwave @deadpool15
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Can I ask for claggor x a piltover reader? She was raised in piltover and is very smart but was never ignorant to the condition of zaun and always tried her best to advocate and help the suffering people. I can imagine she would have a strong sense of guilt for loving claggor because she doesn't really understand the struggles he went through but will always try to help. <33 thank youuuu
Of course, I think I made this a little more dramatic than I meant to😭 but I hope this is good!
Arcane Imagines- Claggor
Mysterious
[arcane] [main page]
Prompt: In which reader is from Piltover and makes a friend in Zaun. Feeling guilty for liking him since she doesn't understand his struggles.
My feet achingly moved seemingly before me. My back hurt as I carried a box full of stuff from Piltover to give to a friend in the undercity.
When I was younger I was so fascinated by the people of Zaun. About the difficulties they’ve been through. My mother was always bitter about them. Going on tangents about how the people from the undercity should be more grateful since everything is better now. And whenever she does that I have to remind her of their struggles to get to this wonderful position they’ve been creating for themselves. Supporting them only pisses her off further than before. She asks what about Piltover’s struggles which is never the point of my argument.
We’re privileged enough to never know what it’s like going without food, running water and a roof being over our heads. Most of Zaun could or still to this day can not say the same. It’s something I’ve written about in school essays, joining groups to learn more about the undercity.
As a younger teen I snuck into Zaun, wanting to understand them better, know them rather than read about their history. Hear it from the people themselves. I won’t truly ever know their struggles but I still wish to help them. Advocate for their history and their growth as a community. Help them be one with Piltover eventually without there being discourse of if they deserve it.
Everyone deserves happiness, love, and a life without ridiculous danger. They deserve peace as much as the next person.
I was reckless when going to Zaun. Sneaking out of my house as a teen and somehow to the undercity without being caught will forever blow my mind. The reason I kept doing it though was after I sat down in this bar. It’s called The Last Drop. I just needed a place to rest after walking for miles.
Talking with the people there. Not really a scene a young teenager should be in but I didn’t care. I just wanted to listen to their stories. And they always enjoyed having me around. Seeing me as a niece of some sort. Hearing the first one made me want to hear more. Hence why I kept coming back. And more recently there's a new reason.
I met a new friend. His name I still don’t know. He never properly introduced himself to me. Not by his birth given name but by the first letter. He wanted me to guess.
It’s been 3 months and he has yet to tell me what it is. Or in his words I didn't guess good enough.
I guess his father was the owner, Vander is his name. I’ve met him a few times but I never sat up at the actual bar. Just in a corner keeping to myself before I went to adventure out into Zaun after hearing random stories.
When I met C he had started working more hours at the bar to help out since it was getting busier and busier after some time with people from the Uppercity decided the place was a hit. I guess he worked earlier shifts so that’s why we never crossed paths when I first started going there.
C and I hit it off slowly in the beginning.
It was a rough start since we both had different upcomings. I didn’t know what it was like to have to get my hands dirty and work for things I want or need. I’ve always just… had it.
Talking about C’s childhood and things he went through as I had nothing bad to say except for the fact that my mother is a witch of a woman. It made me realize how weird I am for being so interested in others' lives. It made me realize I don’t have a life of my own. I want to fix people who don’t need to be fixed. They’re perfect the way they are, no matter what they went through. They don’t need me to stick up for them. I also figured out that I’m falling for a friend, who again… I don’t know the name of and we will never share a similar story. He deserves someone who understands the same livelihood he knows. Someone who can appreciate things more than I ever could.
“[Name]!” A voice shouts, shaking me from my thoughts. “C!” I grin, shimmying the box in my hands. “Is this everything?” He takes it from me with furrowed eyebrows, looking it over. “Mhm, every single thing you asked for.” I place my hands on the back of my hips, stretching to crack my back. Letting out a small sigh of relief afterwards.
“You alright?” He asks with a chuckle, leading me into his apartment that he and his brother share. “Yeah, I definitely got my exercise in for the day.” I half-heartedly joke, shutting the door behind us and he places the box down on the counter. “What is the food for, exactly?”
When he first requested the stuff from me, he told me it was for an experiment. Not really saying much after that. A few foods and then things you can really only get in Topside.
“To eat.” He grabs an apple and bites into it. My shoulders fall, not expecting that answer. For some reason I thought it was going to be something cooler. “Oh.” I let out a breathy laugh. “I was hungry when I was putting in that request.” He rubs his stomach sadly.
I shake my head with a smile. “It’s okay. So can I know what this project is now?” I hop up on the barstool in his kitchen. “It’s a secret.” He says briefly, putting the food away in his counters. I frown. “Dang, keeping another thing from me, C?” I tilt my head.
“Gotta keep you on your toes, by being a mysterious, interesting man. Don’t want you getting sick of me.” He quipped, now giving me his full attention after placing the box on the ground. I glanced down at it then back to him. “I’ll always find you interesting. Maybe even more if you just tell me your name.” I pout.
Have I mentioned that I don’t know his name? No? Yeah, don’t know it.
“Soon.” He reaches over and messes up my hair. I smack his hand away. Attempting to fix what he did. “I hope so.” I cross my arms.
“I wish you could guess it. You didn’t even try hard enough.” He exclaims, my jaw drops at his words. “I can’t think of anything else! It has to be some sort of crazy unique name!” I utter, throwing my hands in the air. He lets out a belly laugh, “It’s not super unique.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes, jokingly annoyed. “I told you my name.” I murmur. “That’s because you’re not mysterious like me.” He purses out his lips, doing a little peace sign. “I know almost everything else about you. You are not mysterious.” I point a finger at his chest. “Really? What’s my favorite color?”
“You tell people it’s blue but it’s actually yellow. Like dandelion yellow.” I raise my brows, making a face that expresses that he should try me. “Okay, pssh, lucky guess. Favorite food?”
“Halibut, but only when it’s fried because you’re weird.” I tease, his eyes seem to widen at my words. “See, not so mysterious, huh?” I cross my arms. “Two things. That’s all you answered.” He walks away over to the living room. Plopping down on the couch. I stand up, rushing over to him. Bouncing on the cushion beside him. My hands holding his shoulder as I shake him. “Then ask more questions. I have the answers~” I sang out, leaning back.
“Fine, how old am I?” He raises a brow. I put a finger on my chin, pretending like I was thinking. “21.” I simply say. “Okay, I never told you that. How’d you get that?” He scrunches his nose in confusement. I laugh. “Honestly I truly guessed that time. I’m 21 and I always figured we were the same age.” I snicker.
“Wow, okay. Next question, how many siblings do I have?” I think back to conversations we’ve had or the time I bumped into his brother Mylo. He always talks about a girl named Powder. I want to say there’s one more though. I just can’t remember…
“... three?” I estimate. “Or two.” I perk up my posture. “Hm, it’s three. You really do listen.” He hums out. “Yeah, it’s Mylo, Powder and I’m sorry but I don’t think I ever got the last one’s name.” I press my lips together, trying to rack it in my head. “Violet. She passed away when we were younger.” He sighs, I look at him through my eyelashes not wanting to make full eye contact as my heart drops..
“I’m sorry.” I whisper. “It’s alright, [Name]. You didn’t know.” He gives me a smile. It goes silent between the both of us. “Um… can I ask how? If not I totally understand. I don’t want to push that topic.” I shake my hands at the thought of forcing him to say something he wasn’t comfortable with.
“We were doing a stupid thing in Piltover. Sneaking into someone’s house. Just trying to get a few things for our dad. Extra money in his pocket. Something exploded. The impact unfortunately killed Vi.” He seems spaced out as he tells the story. I reach out and grab his hand.
I remember when that incident happened. It was all anyone talked about for a while. An undercity child passes away in an explosion after breaking into a scientist’s home. My mom… was an ass about the situation.
“Any more questions?” I make an effort to switch the conversation so he doesn’t get upset due to my questioning of his sister's death like the dumb idiot that I am.
He looks down at my hand that was on top of his. “Claggor.” He suddenly says. I scrunch my eyebrows together. “Claggor?” I question, was that something I had to answer? “My name.” He mutters out.
My mouth goes into the shape of an 'o.' Claggor... An interesting name for an interesting man like him.
“Hm… cute. It fits you.” I squeeze his hand before letting go. I didn’t even notice the dusty rose color across his cheeks. He mutters out a small thanks before we continue the conversation of me knowing certain things about him.
The entire time I think back to his sister, my chest aching. They were only kids trying to help their father. Not knowing that one of them wasn’t going to make it back home. How devastating.
“You okay, [Name]?” He sits up, turning his body to face me. I fake a smile, waving him off. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just thinking. Sorry.” How am I supposed to be his friend if I carry guilt that has nothing to do with me? How can I like him and not be able to understand him? It’s idiotic looking. It makes me look selfish, turning other people's problems into my own. “Thinking about?”
“Your name. How I never guessed it.” I force out a chuckle that sounds like a high pitched animal making me wince in embarrassment afterwards. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks me again.
“I’m fine, Claggor.” His name rolls off my tongue easily. Like it was meant to be said from my lips.
“I remembered I have somewhere I need to be. My mom will kill me if I’m late. See you later?” I ask him, blinking tears away as I abruptly get up. “Um, yeah. Tomorrow?” He gets up with me, rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah, I can’t. Family thing.” I lied. “Oh, maybe the next night? Mylo wants me to go to this party where his crush is djing. I do not want to go.” He laughs, walking me to his front door. My stomach flips, not knowing how to respond. “Maybe, I’ll let you know the day of.” I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Okay, okay. I don’t mean to cling. I just like spending time with you.” He smiles softly. I avoid eye contact. “Me too, Claggor.” I whisper before pulling him into an embrace.
He lets out a small yelp of surprise before his hands slowly snake around my waist. “You’re a good friend, [Name].” He mumbles into my shoulder. Tears begin to threaten my eyes once again. “You’re a better one.” I pat his back before letting go. “See you.” I curtly wave before leaving.
Man, I’m an idiot.
It’s the day of the party, I haven’t left my bed since I came home after leaving Claggor’s house. My head racing with a million thoughts about how selfish and ridiculous I am. Cringing at all the conversations I’ve had with my friends about the Undercity. How incredibly obnoxious it always sounded.
How strange I look just being this upset about everything. I wonder if Claggor thought the same about me. How strange it was that a girl was so wrapped up into his struggles. I would never want to tell him that either because I’m overthinking. I know I am.
He’s my friend. He would tell me if I was being over the top.
Right?
Right.
Stop it brain.
A knock at my door echoes in my room. “Yes?” I call out, not bothering to get up. The door creaks open. “[Name] there’s someone here to see you.” A house worker tells me. I sit up, tilting my head confused on who would be here. “Um, tell them I’ll be right down.” I say, climbing out of bed. “Yes, ma’am.”
I grab my robe from my vanity, throwing it on over my pajamas. I slip my feet into my house slippers. I look like a mess but I don't care. It’s probably just a school mate to ask about some homework we have.
I exit my room, heading down the stairs. I see Claggor and my body freezes in place. Staring down at him. Shit. I look like a mess! And that is not a school mate.
He was looking around my home before his eyes locked with mine. His face erupts into a smile. “Just wake up or something?” He teases and my face flushes in response. “Uh- yeah, slept in.” I awkwardly chuckle, walking towards him. “How’d you know my address?” I asked him. “Also, why are you here?”
“Well, first I bumped into one of your friends I met before. She told me you lived here. Second ouch, I can just leave if you want me to.” He points to the front door and I roll my eyes. “Sorry, sorry. I was just wondering, I was gonna come to you.” I cross my arms, and when I do his eyes flicker down to what I’m wearing.
Suddenly I’m extremely aware of how I look. My hair a mess, face puffy, and wearing a fancy robe with slippers. Weird combination.
“I felt like when you left yesterday it was a bit… off? You seemed like you were about to cry so I thought I’d come here and maybe talk to you about that.” He fidgets with his hands, I observe his demeanor. He seemed extremely anxious. “Oh, I told you I was fine. Might’ve had something in my eye.” I shrug lying straight out of my teeth.
“You know how I said you are not mysterious like me?” He asks. “Vaguely.” I smile but not understanding why he’s saying that. “It’s because you aren’t a mystery at all. Maybe I’m not either since you seem to know quite a bit about me. Anyways, not the point.” He lets out a heavy breath. “You don’t hide your emotions well. You’re an open book just by looking at you.” He chuckles and I tense up, feeling a little offended. He notices and sighs.
“What I mean is, when I first met you I knew you were a very empathetic person. Your emotions are what drives you to be who you are. I really enjoy that about you. I never thought someone could cry over a bug they killed until I met you.” He laughs at the memory of when we were hanging out one day at the bar and a bug was on the floor by my foot. I stomped on it and immediately felt bad. Thinking about the fact that it could’ve had a family.
“You care so deeply for people you’ve never met. Wanting them to succeed even if it means you are risking your own happiness to do so.” He says softer than all his other words. “I hope you know that you have never upset me by asking your questions.” His eyes find mine and I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He read me like a book. He practically studied me. I don’t even know how to respond.
“I know that’s why you got upset. My sister passing away. I don’t mind that you asked. It happened as unfortunate as it is. You didn’t know and you wanted to. Because you care.” He places a hand on my shoulder. I look down at his arm then back to his face. “Please don’t feel bad for caring.”
My eyes begin to water and I pull him into a hug. “I don’t deserve your friendship.” I mumble into his chest. “I think you do.” He disagrees.
“I like you, Claggor.” I told him. “Like a lot. I care for you more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I’m scared that I can’t be what you need. I want to be. Everything and more.” I confess, pulling away from him. “Did you know that? Was I not hiding that emotion well either?” I try to uplift the mood.
“I didn’t have a clue actually.” He grins. “I like you as well. Like a lot. You are everything I need and more. I promise you that.” He pulls me back into his arms, looking down at me as I look up at him.
He closes the distance between us, his lips landing on mine. It was a short, soft kiss but it was something I never felt before. Shivers sent down my spine. I flutter my eyelids open, both of us smiling ear to ear like giddy little kids. Taking in the moment for a few seconds.
“Does that mean you’re going to join me at this party that I’m soooo excited about?” He sarcastically asks and I giggle in response. “I guess so. I definitely need to clean myself up first though.” I motion to my hot mess of a state that I’m in. “I think you look beautiful in this. Don’t even need to worry about changing.” He jokes and I lightly hit his arm.
“What a liar.” I fold my arms. “Hm, maybe a little. Want me to come back to pick you up?”
“You could hang out in my room while I get ready. Maybe choose my outfit?” I propose and his eyes light up. “Yeah, let’s go.” He happily responds.
#arcane league of legends#arcane spoilers#arcane x reader#arcane#arcane meta#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2#claggor arcane#mylo and claggor#claggor fanart#claggor x reader#arcane claggor#mylo#mylo arcane#powder#jinx#benzo#vander#silco#arcane silco#silco and jinx#powder x ekko#powder and vi#powder arcane#warwick#isha#jinx arcane#arcane jinx
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hiii i hope you're having a great day!!! i was wondering if i could request yandere dragon king bakugou who kidnaps the reader? thank you so much in advance!
warnings. yândèrè, kïdnáppíng, óbsèssïón.
note. Thank you so much for your request. I hope you have a great day as well.
•••
You don’t remember how it happens. One moment, you’re walking through the forest, the next, you’re trapped. The air is thick with the scent of burning wood and sulfur.
You look around, your heart racing in your chest as your eyes fall on the towering figure before you: the Dragon King.
Bakugou stands there, his crimson wings unfurled like the wings of some ancient, malevolent force. His hair crackles with static, sparks flying off his spiky locks as if they were caught in an eternal storm.
His golden eyes burn with an intensity that makes your throat tighten—fierce, unrelenting, and full of something that feels like rage, but worse. Much worse.
“You thought you could run?” His voice is a low growl, guttural and raw. It shakes the very walls of the stone chamber. His body radiates heat, the air around him shimmering like it’s about to ignite. “You really thought you’d get away from me, huh? You belong to me now, and I don’t share.”
His gaze locks onto you with such possessiveness, it almost feels like he’s stripping you bare. His feet move toward you with predatory grace, every step heavy with that dangerous, fiery promise.
“You don’t get to decide,” Bakugou sneers, pulling you roughly toward him.
His lips curl in a cruel smirk, his golden eyes blazing with something dark, something obsessive. “I decide. And you’re mine now. You’re gonna learn that. You’ll learn to beg for me, just like everyone else.”
You try to pull away, but his grip tightens, pulling you closer until your bodies are nearly flush. The heat from his body is suffocating,
almost like standing too close to a furnace. His breath is hot against your ear as he growls, his voice laced with something possessive, something dangerously unhinged.
“You think you can just wander around and leave me behind? No, you’re gonna be mine—whether you like it or not,” he hisses, his lips brushing against your neck, sending an involuntary shiver through your spine. The sound of his growl vibrates deep in your chest, a sound that promises pain if you defy him.
He grips your chin, forcing you to look up into those burning eyes. His other hand moves to your waist, holding you so tight you can’t move, can’t escape.
“You’ll never get away from me, not again,” he says, his voice thick with dark satisfaction. “I’ll make you love me. You’ll beg for me, just like I told you.”
You feel his other hand slide dangerously down your back, fingers trailing along your skin like he’s marking you, staking his claim. His breath is hot against your cheek, and you can feel the fire of his rage searing into your skin.
There’s no escape. He won’t let you leave. And deep down, you know you’re already trapped, tangled in the web of his obsession.
“I’m not letting you go,” he growls again, and this time, you hear the promise of destruction in his voice—he means it. “You belong to me now. Forever.”
You are so fucked.
#bnha#bnha fanfic#yandere bnha#bnha x reader#mha#bakugou katuski x reader#bakugo x reader#yandere katsuki#yandere bakugou#yandere bakugou katsuki#yandere mha#yandere my hero academia#yandere boku no hero academia#bakugo smut#bnha smut#mha smut#katsuki smut
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Bedtime Stories For a Demon: The Day The World Disappeared, Part II (Lucanis x Rook Fanfic)
Rook is trapped in the Fade, and is determined to get out. But Solas' Prison has more than one trick up its sleeve.
Word count: ~ 4200
Veilguard endgame spoilers ahead
“You died”
A simple truth leaves her lips, as Madeleina Mercar looks upon the body of her fallen friend. And now that it has been spoken, it cannot be hidden behind a memory or become unknown so as to ease a troubled conscience. It is a truth, as much as the sky is blue and snow falls in winter.
In shifting hues of grey the scene at the ritual site is recreated in a tableau of death and despair. Two old friends, in their own right.
Solas stabbing Varric with his Lyrium dagger. Varric’s choked gasp as the blade pierces his chest, and blood fills his lungs. Bianca drops from his grip and slides down the steps, followed by her owner shortly after. She watches herself stand over his body. His dead body. Hears him call her name one last time, before his eyes close forever.
Madeleina’s lips quiver as her vision grows blurry with tears, threatening to spill like a waterfall. She clutches her chest, as if it could keep her heart from sinking any lower. This crushing loss she tried so desperately to ignore so she could keep going, could not be ignored anymore. Would not be relegated to the tricks of the mind any longer.
Varric comes to stand next to Madeleina and regards his lifeless body with her. He gives her a small, sad smile.
“Yeah. Sorry about that, kid”
She clutches the fabric of her overcoat tightly, and a strangled sob escapes her lips. Madeleina quickly wipes the tears away with the back of a gloved hand and stifles a sniffle.
“I … I’m so sorry Varric” Madeleina whispers.
Varric does not seem confused by her apology.
“For what” Varric says. He pointedly asks her for clarification, because he already knows what she’s trying to do, and he won’t have it.
“For not saving you” Madeleina answers, her voice shaky and uneven and struggling to even form the words.
Varric clicks his tongue and shakes his head. She watches carefully as the dwarf walks a few paces, then slowly turns to face her again.
“Shit, didn’t you learn anything from this place?” He sounds more surprised, or exasperated, than disappointed. As if the lesson was beating her over the head with a stick and she had kept her eyes and ears closed the entire time. He points to his chest with his thumb to emphasis the point, “I made the choice. To try to talk to him. To try to reach him, even knowing the risks. Because he was my friend. My decision. My sacrifice. And you don’t get to take that from me”
“But – “
“You know better than anyone, Rook, that every story has an ending” Varric quickly interjects. He gives her a knowing smile. “This one just came a little earlier than I’d planned. Come on. Walk with me, kid”
Varric jerks his head to the side and begins walking through the remnants of the ritual site. Madeleina can do nothing but follow silently, her thoughts and feelings twisting around each other to become some Gordian knot – impossible to parse out, and just as confusing.
She follows him through the main path and beyond the statues of the Evanuris, rising towards the sky, ascending like the Gods they were. Or, pretended to be, at least.
“How am I supposed to lead this team without you, Varric? I can’t do this alone. It feels like all I do is make things worse” Madeleina says. Visions of Minrathous drowned in Blight, Venatori taking control of the Magisterium, and a Dragon decimating the city replay in her mind. She’ll never know if saving Treviso was the right call in the long run. What the world might have looked like if she chose differently. And that terrifies her still.
“I can’t do this alone” She adds, her voice hitching. She’s afraid. She’s so very afraid of facing the world out there without him. Without his wisdom, his guidance, and the levity he effortlessly brings into even the shittiest of situations.
Varric shakes his head, almost in disbelief they’re still having this conversation. He gives her a pointed look and gestures towards her, “What do you think you’ve been doing all this time?”
Madeleina doesn’t have a good rebuttal, so, she merely stands with her arms limp at her side and looks at the ground because she can’t bear to face him right now. She feels like a dog without a sense of smell, a horse that can’t gallop.
A pawn without a purpose.
“Look at me, kid” Varric says, ducking his head low so he forces himself into her line of sight.
Madeleina’s eyes slowly drift upward. She’s biting on her lip to keep more tears from falling.
Varric gives her a gentle, reassuring grin, “You’re the leader they need, Rook. And you’re not alone. You never were”
The dwarf continues walking down the path in front of them. He pauses when the cobblestones drop down into the void of nothingness below them, their path momentarily cut off. Grass and dirt form below their feet, giving them new ground to tread on. The ritual site crumbles to pieces behind them, like a wetted sand castle crushed under someone’s hand.
Great sycamore trees spring to life, growing and maturing a hundred years over the course of seconds. A mountain range stretches along the border of the forest, opening like the maw of a great beast.
They’re surrounded by tiny wooden houses with thatched roofs. The small Chantry near the town square. The butcher’s shop, the Blacksmith’s forge, the apothecarist’s lab. All there, as she remembered them.
Arvanitum, frozen in time, stretches out before her.
“W-what …?” She whimpers, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. Madeleina’s head swivels desperately, so fast she’s giving herself whiplash. But all she sees is her old home. “Varric …” Madeleina swallows the bile threatening to rise in her throat, “What is this?” She turns to him, confusion and hurt and fear writhing across her delicate features, vying for dominance.
Varric puts a spectral hand on her shoulder and looks out over a perfectly preserved Arvanitum with her. Although she can’t feel solid touch, there is still the same warmth and comfort she knew in his presence when he lived.
“The final lock in a prison meant to cage Gods” He smiles gently, and lets his hand slide off her shoulder.
Madeleina takes a hesitant step on familiar roads she trod a thousand times in her youth. She half-expects to see her footprints lingering in the dirt, up the winding path behind the Chantry that would take her to the lone house on a small hill. The town bakery. Her home.
“It’s time to finish this story, Rook. Your story” Varric takes a step back. “Sometimes, we need to go back to the beginning, to get our ending”
Madeleina whips her head around, so quickly the tears fly off her cheeks.
“Varric – wait!” She calls out after him, her arm outstretched, grasping for empty space. She wants to run after him, but her feet stay planted in place as if roots have grown over them.
Varric already has his back turned to her as he walks away.
“Good luck, kid” He gives her a small wave, and a confident smirk over his shoulder.
“I just know your ending’s going to be killer”
And with that, he was gone. Disappeared into the thick foliage of the forest.
Madeleina doesn’t know how long she was left standing there, alone in the town square.
It was empty. There were no villagers milling about their daily lives. No clerics in their vestments standing outside the Chantry soliciting donations and reading out verses from the Chant of Light. No children making trouble in the street. No clanking from the Blacksmith’s hammer. No raucous laughter from the tavern down the road. No stray animals lingering by the food stalls, waiting for their chance to scavenge the scraps of the day.
Empty.
No people, no animals, just her.
She turns again to the winding path behind the Chantry. There is a pull towards her childhood home she can’t explain. Something deep in her chest grasps for it, yearns to go there like a flower turning towards the sun.
Before Madeleina is even aware, her feet are moving. One step at a time, she begins walking that familiar path back home.
Anxiety winds itself into knots in her chest. She is terrified of what she might find there.
Will the prison make her relive the day she found her parents dead? Relive the moment she was nearly possessed by Despair? Madeleina doesn’t know if she can handle that. It was enough to go through it once. To see it again might very well destroy her, she thinks.
Then again, she would expect nothing less from a prison designed to trap a God. And she is no God – she’s just a person. Back in this village, she’s just a little girl.
Her feet continue moving of their own accord, carrying her home.
She sees it soon enough, that house on the hill.
The same thatched roof in desperate need of repair. The same flowers in the window box – daffodils, snowdrops, and hyacinths. A warm, orange glow from the windows on the second floor. Her mother has lit her favourite candles, most likely. The ones she buys from the Orlesian merchant who comes once a month. Scented like lavender. Familiar and comforting, just like her.
Madeleina lingers at the door, frozen in place. She wants to move. To reach out, push the door open and step inside. But she can’t bring herself to do it. Her chest tightens, so much so that she feels like she’s going to implode on the spot.
Venhedis, I can’t do this.
Her palms start to feel sweaty. She flexes her fingers back and forth in an effort to relieve some of the tension.
“Darling, is that you?” A familiar voice calls from inside the house.
Her mother’s voice.
Oh.
There’s movement from inside the house. She has time to run. She wants to run. And yet, she remains as still as a statue. Her heart thuds quickly in her chest, so loud she can hear its rhythmic thrum in her eardrums.
The door swings open, and she’s greeted by the sight of Eurydice Arcturion. Her mother is exactly how Madeleina remembered her in her dreams and memories. Warm, whiskey-brown eyes, long auburn hair tied over her left shoulder, and the same upturned nose as her own. Her crow’s feet are more prominent – signs of a life filled with laughter and smiling. She’s wearing a familiar light blue linen dress. Her white baker’s apron is powdered with flour and spices. The same dress and apron she was wearing on that day. The only noticeable difference is that Eurydice is somewhat shorter than Madeleina remembers.
Her stomach forms an endless pit. She swallows thickly, as words try and fail desperately to form on her tongue but end up unwinding like a ball of yarn dropped to the floor.
Mother.
I missed you so much.
I saw you … I saw your …
You’re here.
How?
Eurydice smiles sweetly at the sight of her daughter, “There you are, love. Did you have fun picking the elderberries in the forest?” She ushers Madeleina inside, and before she can think, her feet are moving on their own again.
Elderberries?
Madeleina looks down, and in her hands, her bare hands, is an old wicker basket full of purple berries. Her armour is gone. She’s traded it for a simple beige tunic and pants. Eurydice is taller than her now. Just a moment ago, Madeleina was practically towering over her.
When did that happen?
“Love?” Her mother touches her shoulder with a calloused hand. Despite her hands being worn from the day’s work, Eurydice’s touch is as soft as silk, and warmer than wool. She smells like flour and cinnamon and lavender.
“Hmm?” Madeleina looks up at her mother with a blank stare. “Oh … yeah, it was fun” She answers, as a small, mischievous grin creeps onto her features when she remembers her adventures in the forest, “I chased a few rabbits. Ended up finding some babies in a burrow!”
“Did you now?” Eurydice smiles and quirks a brow, “Did I not teach you better manners than to terrorize new parents?”
Madeleina pouts and stares down at the floor, embarrassed, “I just wanted to see the babies …”
“Rascal” Her mother pinches her cheek and gets her moving again with a hand on the small of her back. They maneuver to the back of the shop and walk past large bags of flour, the woodfire oven, and clay pots. Up the familiar creaking stairs, and through the door at the top, is the small den of their home.
A sweet aroma drifts from the adjoining kitchen. Familiar. Something she hasn’t had in a long time. Had almost forgotten about entirely, until she’s practically salivating with anticipation.
“I made Dolmades, your favourite” Eurydice grins as she takes the basket of Elderberries from Madeleina’s small hands. “Go wash up for dinner”
Madeleina and her empty stomach don’t have to be told twice. She hurries to the restroom and takes a bar of soap from the counter, then uses it to hurriedly scrub the dirt from her hands and fingernails in the wash basin.
She catches her reflection in the mirror. The young Madeleina, about twelve year’s younger, all wiry limbs and wild curls, stares back at her. Scrawnier. Covered in cuts and scrapes reflective of the recklessness of youth.
There’s a smear of dirt on her left cheek, and after wetting her fingers in the wash basin, she rubs it off quickly. Mother doesn’t mind her getting dirty, so long as none of it makes it to her dinner table. Satisfied, Madeleina gives herself a small smile.
After walking back into the kitchen, she spies her father lounging on a cushion by the fireplace. Judging by the way his salt-and-pepper curls seem extra curly, he must have just woken up. He’s usually asleep during the day, as he plays at the tavern in the evenings. Her mother busies herself with setting the table while she makes her way towards her father.
“Ahhh, there she is” His kind face splits into a wide grin at the sight of Madeleina. She wraps her arms around her father’s neck. He places a gentle kiss to her cheek, and ruffles her hair, mussing her own curls. “Hello, little love”
“More like little terror” Her mother chimes in, as the sound of pots and pans clinking fill the kitchen. “If the forest animals are to be believed”
Orpheus grins, and hugs Madeleina tightly against him, “Humm, wherever did she get that tendency from”
“Father…” Madeleina mumbles, trying to pry her way out of his grasp. It only makes his grip tighter.
He chuckles, “Now, now, I’m sure you had a perfectly good reason for making trouble in the forest, hmm?”
“I wanted to see the baby rabbits…” The young girl answers sheepishly, avoiding his bright green eyes. Sharp, keen, intelligent – like a hawk’s. She can never look at him when she’s trying to lie, so she doesn’t bother lying anymore. He picks them out like weeds in a garden.
“Oh, and did you?”
“Orpheus” Her mother’s voice is stern. “Don’t encourage her. One of these days she’s going to get herself in trouble, running around the wilds like that”
“But I didn’t!” Madeleina protests quickly. Her father’s grip has loosened somewhat and she’s able to pry herself out of his grasp. “Get in trouble, I mean. I found the path again – I dropped berries so I could find my way back in case I got lost…”
Eurydice sets the Dolmades on the table, along with three plates. There’s a spread of other grilled vegetables beside them. A small bowl of Tzatziki sauce with a spoon sticking out of it is the last thing to be put on the table.
“Alright, alright – enough of that for now, come and eat dinner” She wipes her hands on her apron, before untying it and placing it on the back of her chair.
Her father pinches her cheek and guides her towards the dinner table.
Eggplant. Augh.
She makes a sour face when she spies the offending purple vegetable next to the carrots. Madeleina knows her Mother won’t like her being picky, so she’ll settle for pretending to nibble on the slices slowly, while subtly reaching for the carrots that are furthest away from the eggplant.
Madeleina grins and piles the stuffed grape leaves onto her plate.
“Whoa, slow down there, where’s the fire?” Orpheus chuckles, as he loads his own plate.
“Picking berries is hard work” She pouts, before dipping a Dolma into the Tzatziki and shoving it in her mouth. A content sigh escapes her lips as the sweet and savoury flavours mix on her tongue. “I was at it for hours” she adds, speaking around the stuffed grape leaves.
“Oh, my apologies” He places a hand on his chest with dramatic flourish. “I’ll be more mindful of your laborious duties from now on, my darling”
“Good” Madeleina grins and continues eating her dinner, picking from Dolmas and vegetables alike.
Eurydice smiles and shakes her head, pointing to Orpheus with her fork, “She gets her attitude from you”
“And all her best qualities from you, Amatus” Her father blows her a kiss from across the table, and Madeleina makes a sour face as her mother’s cheeks flush.
Ew.
As much as she may pretend to be disgusted by her parent’s displays of affection, she’s always loved seeing them… in love. Since she was a young girl, Madeleina dreamed of finding someone who would cherish her the way Orpheus cherished Eurydice. A love like something out of a fairytale.
Something familiar tugs in the back of her mind.
Bitter and sweet, like a kiss goodbye.
Where has she heard that before?
The scent of chocolate and coffee curiously fills her nostrils, but there is none on the table.
Strange.
“Darling?” Her mother’s voice snaps her out of it. The thought is forgotten as quickly as it came, and the smell of chocolate and coffee fades away. Her head quickly whips to attention.
“Hmm?”
“Is everything alright?” Her mother raises a concerned brow, “You’re unusually… pensive today”
A very polite way of saying you keep spacing out. But it was just like her mother to put a polite spin on everything.
Madeleina nods, and picks at her vegetables, “Yes mother, I’m fine, I promise. I … I guess I’m just tired, is all”
Her father sees it for the lie it is, but mercifully doesn’t call her out on it.
Orpheus gives her a warm smile and leans in closer, “Not too tired for a story, I hope”
Madeleina rolls her eyes but can’t stop the grin from spreading across her lips. “Aren’t you going to be late for work?”
He sticks a thumb to his chest and laughs, “I’m the only bard for miles around, what are they going to do? Fire me? Half the patrons only come to hear me play”
She goes to take another Dolma on her plate before her mother’s hand gently slaps her own away, “Ah-ah, finish your vegetables first. All of them” She eyes the unfinished eggplant on her plate.
Madeleine frowns, withdrawing her hand. She folds her arms over her chest, “Actually, I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll take that story, father”
“No, you’re going to sit there and finish your – “
Orpheus lifts a hand to stop his wife mid-sentence, “Amatus, she’s had a long day. Picking berries is such tiresome work after all”
Eurydice looks like she wants to protest, but realizes she is effectively outnumbered on the matter, and resigns to finish her own dinner. “Unbelievable, these two” She murmurs around mouthfuls of Dolma.
Her father pushes his chair out and leaves the room for a moment. Madeleina knows exactly what he’s gone to do, and bounces eagerly in her chair, vibrating with anticipation.
She quickly stuffs one last Dolma down her throat before her mother can get a word in edgewise and runs away from the table. She takes her usual seat on the cushion closest to the fireplace. Her mother sighs, finishes her own dinner, and then begins clearing the plates.
Her father returns a moment later, scratching his beard.
“That’s odd” He says thoughtfully, putting a hand on his hip. “Amatus – have you seen my journal?”
Her mother is by the kitchen sink now, washing the emptied plates from dinner. “No, dear. I haven’t. Isn’t it on the bedside table?” She calls over her shoulder, above the gritting noise of the sponge tearing grease from the dish.
Orpheus looks about the den – he checks the fireplace mantle, under the cushions, between the couch cushions, the bookshelf. And yet, he doesn’t seem to find what he’s looking for.
Faded red leather. Yellowed pages. Black ink spots. No, dried bloodstains. The acrid smell of must and mothballs.
Her father’s journal doesn’t look like that. Doesn’t smell like that. It never has.
Stranger still.
Madeleina shakes her head and gets up from her spot, first inspecting under the coffee table, and then under the cushions once more to make sure her father didn’t miss anything.
“Darling, can you check your bedroom? I might have left it there last night” Orpheus calls, as he ducks beneath the dinner table to ensure it didn’t fall there from his pocket.
Right. He had been reading Swan Lake to her last night. Madeleina wastes no time jogging to her small bedroom.
Nothing looks out of place. She sees the same stuffed rabbit and teddy bear lying on her bed, well-worn and well-loved with age. Hand-me-downs from one of the older girls in the village.
Octavia. That’s right - she married a soldier from Ventus. She’s gone now, and the tailor’s hours were reduced since their only daughter wasn’t around to help anymore.
She checks her little writing desk and moves the clothes she’d left on the chair to the floor. Madeleina can already hear her mother chastising her for that.
Still, there’s no journal to be found. Not on the desk, under the desk, nor under her bed.
Madeleina sits cross-legged in the middle of her room and releases a soft breath. Well, if the journal was somewhere in this house, it wasn’t in here.
As her thoughts drifted towards her father’s journal, there was a strange feeling that took root in her chest. Like she was attached to a string being tugged at from some far away place. A marionette being pulled towards its puppeteer.
She looks through the window to see the setting sun, washing the mountains and forest in pinks, oranges and golds.
The tugging sensation in her chest grows stronger. Enough to no longer be considered a trick of the mind. It turns sharp, almost painful. Madeleina winces and grasps her chest where she feels the sensation.
“Ahh …” She hisses, closing her eyes, her brows drawing tight. Madeleina looks down at her chest, and where her heart should be, she sees a faint, blue light flickering in and out.
“What the -…?”
“Darling?” Her father calls from the den.
Madeleina’s head snaps towards the sound of his voice. She looks back down at her chest. The blue light is gone, no longer flickering like a candle in the wind. There’s no more tugging in her chest.
I must have been more tired than I thought. She thinks, before standing up and rejoining her family in the living room.
Her father is sitting on one of the cushions on the floor, next to the fireplace.
“Did you find it?” Madeleina asks, as she comes to sit next to him.
Orpheus shakes his head, and black-and-grey ringlets fly about him as he does. “No – I must have left it at the tavern, I’ll check later tonight.”
Madeleina’s face falls, too tired to hide her disappointment, “Oh. So… no story tonight?”
Her father chuckles and pats her softly on the back, “Of course there’ll be a story tonight. The journal is just for show,” He leans in closer and turns his index finger against his temple, like one might turn a key into a lock, “Everything’s stored right here, anyway”
Orpheus pulls his daughter in closely, and she settles against his side, leaning her head on his broad shoulder.
“Which one are you going to tell me tonight?” She asks quietly, her eyelids growing heavy.
“Which one do you want to hear?”
Madeleina thinks hard for a moment. There’s so many to choose from. She’s heard them all at least a dozen times. Thinks she’s even memorized a good chunk of them.
She can’t explain her choice, only that she feels it’s an important one. There’s a distant feeling of familiarity with that story, one that goes deeper than all the times it’s been retold to her by her father.
“The Sleeping Princess, please”
“Ahhh, an excellent choice, little love” Orpheus smiles widely, and collects his weary daughter into his lap.
Madeleina rests against his chest and lets herself feel the exhaustion she’s been ignoring until now. Her breathing slows, and her eyelids grow heavier.
Her father begins gently stroking her hair, and it lulls her towards sleep even more.
“Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away, there was a small kingdom. And in that kingdom, there lived a King and Queen, much beloved by their people…”
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Yay, another chapter done. This time I'd like to thank @hawkeish for giving me some angst fodder by playing around with the idea that something in the fade prison from Rook's past would make her more resistant to leave! >:)
As usual, do enjoy the story!
Thank you in advance for your comments and reblogs, I appreciate everyone who takes the time to do so and I do read all of them <3
#datv#datv spoilers#oc: madeleina mercar#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis x rook#rookanis#lucanis x mercar#spite dellamorte#varric tethras#hmmm idk if im 100% happy with how this turned out#oh well#yeah i wanted to get real mean with the concept of the fade prison#there's just SO much u can do with it#so many ways it could trap rook forever#even after they come to terms with [redacted]#fic: bedtime stories for a demon#fanfiction#rookie writes#i continue to hurt myself gg#fic: tdtwd
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The thing is, Evie knows she’s a pushover.
She’s loud, sure, once she gets to know someone, and she likes to laugh and needle and tease, but she isn’t brave, not really. Last week when her chem partner hadn’t written his half of their assignment Evie had written it for him even though it took all night because she figured it was better than confronting him. When she was in second grade and Trip Lewitt stole her lunch every day for a year she never once stood up to him, and last Tuesday when Sandy had asked to borrow her lipgloss and hadn’t given it back, Evie hadn’t said a word.
So yeah, she’s a pushover and she knows it. But the thing is, she doesn’t need to be brave because she has Steve.
Steve, who had given her his jacket and let her sleep in his car because she was nodding off in math after she was up all night writing that paper. Steve, who had pushed Trip Lewitt into the chain link fence when he caught him snatching her lunch one day and then made him eat dirt. Steve, who could tell she was put out about something last week even if he didn’t know exactly what so he’d bought her a milkshake and it meant she’d had just enough change to replace her lipgloss herself.
Steve Randle is the furthest thing from a coward Evie has ever met. He’s so brave she doesn’t need to be, but sometimes he makes her brave too.
They’ve been friends for as long as Evie can remember. Her mom used to be friends with Steve’s mom before Steve’s mom left him behind, ensuring Evie would hate her forever even if she’ll never see her again. Evie’s been around long enough that Mr. Randle knows who she is- a rare feat from the man who goes from loving his son one day to hating him the next. Steve has slept over at her house, she’s bought him birthday gifts every year since she got her first job at twelve, and everyone always assumes they’re dating because he’s protective in a way most guys only get around their girls.
They’re not dating though. It isn’t like that. She’s not in love with Steve, has never loved anyone that way; and Steve only has eyes for his blonde haired best friend who loves him but not enough, not like Steve loves him, in the kind of way that makes the world shake.
Even still, she usually tells Steve everything. He’s her best friend even if she isn’t his, and she needs him more than she cares to admit. She never feels safer in the world than when she’s sitting beside him at the drive-in with his jacket around her shoulders, or throwing fries at him at the diner while they shit talk Sodapop’s latest girlfriend or scheme how to prank their horrific spanish teacher.
Right now he’s down the hall half wrestling with Sodapop and Johnny Cade, laughing and as happy as he ever gets. She could join them if she wanted to, just walk up and say hello and she’d be safe. Steve would take one look at her and know something was wrong, even if she tried to hide it, and he’d walk her to class with an arm around her shoulders and a murderous glare on his face he’d give to anyone who dared glance in her direction.
As she watches, Sodapop ruffles Steve’s hair and he beams. It lasts half a second before it’s replaced with his usual scowl, but it’s enough for Evie to make a decision. He just looks so happy. Even on a good day Steve is probably one of the saddest people she’s ever met, and it drives her half crazy sometimes because if anybody deserves the truest happiness the world has to offer it’s stubborn, gentle, scowling, deadly kind Steve Randle. The fact that this kind of lightness in him is so rare is a travesty, and she won’t be the one to ruin it. She can’t. She won’t.
She sighs and pulls the sleeve of her shirt down further. Not that anyone would notice the bruise on her wrist anyway, but the purple is ugly and Sandy always says purple isn’t her colour.
*********************
“I was thinkin’ we should maybe go to that drag race out by the rodeo grounds this weekend when I get off work. I heard from Cindy who’s sister is going with Two-bit Mathews that Sodapop’ll probably be there an’ I want him to see me in that new skirt I got.”
Sandy is jabbering on about her latest plan to attract the attention of one Sodapop Curtis- an unfortunate recent development that has left Evie between a rock and a hard place between trying to keep Sandy away from Soda while not spilling why she’s so against her friend pursing the blonde. Luckily, Sodapop is a typical idiotic fifteen year old, and barely has eyes for anyone longer than a week, and as such, has not yet noticed- or responded to- any of Sandy’s advances. Evie can see this, but whenever she points it out Sandy reminds her that she has an advantage other girls don’t considering Evie’s boyfriend is Sodapop’s best friend. She refuses to believe that Steve isn’t Evie’s boyfriend, and further refuses to believe that despite how close Evie is to Steve, she has little more than an acquaintance with the Curtis boy.
It’s only a matter of time before she asks Evie to try and get Steve to convince Soda to go on a double date with them, in which case Evie will refuse without an explanation and Sandy will give her the silent treatment for a week. Evie’s trying not to think about it.
“Sure,” she agrees half heartedly, dodging the stuck out foot of some soc girl as they make their way down the hall, “I’m coverin’ the evenin’ shift for Corrin though so I might not be able to stay-”
She cuts herself off abruptly, books tumbling out of her arms as she locks eyes with him.
He’s standing in a group of football players, a junior to her sophomore, and he’s big, terrifyingly so, muscles straining against the fabric of his shirt. Half the hallway had turned at the commotion of her dropping her books but he hardly spares her a glance, blue eyes glinting cruelly as he gives her an unimpressed once over and turns back to his friends.
It’s yet another slight, another reason for her to despise him though it does nothing to assuage her fear. She still remembers the feel of him pinning her against a locker, remembers the feel of his hot breath against her ear and the way his friends had jeered and catcalled, names she was used to but that stung all the same.
She doesn’t have to remember the terror- she’s feeling it again right now.
“-vie? Evie? Hello?” Sandy is giving her an exasperated look, Evie’s discarded books are piled in her arms- when did she pick them up? “Earth to Evie! Are you back with us?”
She sounds annoyed but her eyes are dart to a group of senior soc girls who are giggling and whispering behind their hands, then to the football players and him. Sandy’s nervous, she realizes, and then realizes why. They’re already at enough of a disadvantage being greasy girls. They can’t afford to be weird too, and Evie’s already enough of a freak as it is.
“Sorry,” she forces a smile, takes her stack of books with trembling hands, “sorry I just got a wicked headache all of a sudden.”
“You’re probably dehydrated,” Sandy seizes her arm and practically drags her down the hallway, head high even as a wave of giggle and whispers claw at them, “it’s thirty degrees out, an’ you’re wearin’ long sleeves like you ain’t never seen Oklahoma summer before.”
“Yeah,” Evie ignores the twinge of her wrist and the pounding of her heart, “I bet that’s it.”
*****************
She spends the rest of the day jumpy and tense. Sandy tires of her newfound jitters quickly and jumps on an invitation from Kelsey Morrone to go out for a smoke a little too eagerly. Evie hardly has it in herself to mind.
She doesn’t start to calm down until last period and it’s only because Mr. Horton’s geography class is so boring it trumps all other emotions. Sandy isn’t in this class either, which means they can’t even write notes to pass the time.
Her anxiety ramps up the second the bell rings. She’s all too aware of the possibility she might run into him in the hallway, and everything in her screams that that cannot happen. She takes extra care as she packs away her things, prolonging the inevitable, and then regrets it when she realizes she has no crowd to blend into as she steps into the hallway. Luckily her locker isn’t too far from the math wing, so she keeps her head down and walks quicker than usual and makes it there without any further disaster.
It’s not until the familiar scent of motor oil and fabric softener envelops her and she feels a slight tug on her braid that she finally relaxes.
“Hey doll.”
“Hey yourself,” she swats at Steve halfheartedly, tucking her braid back behind her ear from where he’d tossed it over her shoulder.
“Hey,” he takes her hand gently- he’s always gentle with her- and pushes her sleeve up slightly, revealing the horrible mottled purple and blue bruise, “what happened?”
All day she’d sat next to Sandy and she hadn’t noticed a thing. Not a single teacher had glanced at her twice, not even when her english teacher handed back their essays and her sleeve had slipped, and yet Steve had noticed within the first minute of being here.
She looks into his eyes, at the anger hiding beneath his concern, at the scowl twisting his face that had been so happy just this morning, and makes a decision.
Even if she’s spent most of her day waiting for a chance to talk to him, she can’t let Steve Randle fight her battles forever.
“Nothing,” she pulls her hand away and pulls her sleeve back down, “don’t worry about it.”
“Evie-”
“Steve,” she cuts him off, “it’s fine, really. What’s up?”
“I wanted to know if you an’ Sandy wanted a ride home.” He says, eyes still locked at where her bruise is hidden away under blue fabric. She can tell he desperately wants to ask for more details, just like he knows that she won’t offer any.
“Ain’t you playin’ chauffeur to your buddies?”
“Not today,” he shakes his head, black hair glinting in the afternoon sun as they meander out the doors. He takes her backpack without seeming to think about it, slinging over his shoulder, and Evie hides her amusement at the fact that for all he’s a tough greaser he’s secretly a gentleman, “Two-bit’s takin’ the kid and Johnny, an’ Soda’s walkin’ over to the DX for work.”
“Well Sandy’s got plans with Carmen,” Evie tells him, “But I wouldn’t say no to a ride.”
Some of the tension bleeds out of his shoulders when she mentions Sandy’s busy. It’s no secret he’s not exactly a fan of her, thinks she’s sharper than she needs to be with Evie and hates her for it, the stupidly protective person that he is, not realizing that’s just who Sandy is. Still, it was nice of him to extend the invitation to her in the first place. She wonders for the millionth time how Steve got a reputation for being an asshole when he does stuff like offer a girl he hates a ride home without thinking, just because she’s a friend of Evie’s.
“You wanna stop for a milkshake on the way home?” Steve asks, tossing their bags in the back seat, and rolling down the window. If it was hot outside, it’s a million degrees in the car, but she fights the urge to roll up her sleeves, not wanting to give him a better look at her bruise if she can help it. “I’ll pay.”
She considers his offer. First of all, damn him for knowing her so well- ice cream has always been her biggest weakness. Normally she’d say yes without hesitation, but his offer today is very obviously a ploy, a scheme, a bribe if you will, to trick her into talking about the bruise and Him, and she has decided already that she won’t. To sit across from Steve, while he looks at her with sad eyes and tries to sweet talk her into talking is not part of her plan.
“Not today,” she shakes her head and offers him a smile, “I'm beat.”
“I can see that,” he mutters under his breath, but doesn’t protest, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.
It’s a quiet ride home. Normally they’d chat and tease each other, but Steve’s mood is sour and she’s hesitant to start a conversation because she’s famously bad at keeping secrets and Steve knows that better than anyone. If he got her talking, sooner or later she’d let something slip and all bets would be off.
Fifteen minutes later he pulls up in front of her house and cuts the engine with a sigh.
“Thanks for the ride,” she presses a kiss to his cheek and goes to leave.
“Wait, Eves,” he catches her hand, the rough calluses on his skin at odds with the softness of the movement, “just- you know I got your back, right? No matter what.”
He’s so earnest, so worried.
“Yeah,” she smiles, heart swelling with gratitude for this dumb boy who came into her life and never thought once about leaving, “I know.”
He holds her gaze a moment more and nods, clearing his throat abruptly.
“I’ll give you a ride to school tomorrow. Sandy’s welcome too if she wants.”
“Thanks.” She smiles, squeezing his hand and trying to put all her gratitude into it before she lets him go, closing the door gently behind her.
He doesn’t drive away until she’s safely inside, the door locked behind her. He never does.
***********
“Mornin’ doll.”
“Mornin’,” she hands him a piece of still warm bannock wrapped in a tea towel, and he shoves half of it into his mouth in one bite, humming appreciatively. If there’s one thing she knows Steve loves, it’s her mom’s baking.
He inhales the rest of the bread before speaking.
“Sandy comin’?”
“Nah, she’s gettin’ a ride with Carmen.”
He nods and starts the engine, the car coming to life with a purr. It’s not as quiet as some of the socs fancy ass cars, but it’s the quietest tin can in all the east side and it’s all because of Steve’s magic with mechanics. She always feels an unearned swell of pride on his behalf whenever she sits in this car, stupid as it is.
It’s not until they’re halfway to Will Rodgers that she notices Steve’s hands are torn up and bruised, every knuckle split.
They definitely weren’t like that yesterday.
“You get into a rumble or somethin’ last night? What happened to your hands?”
“Oh, that,” Steve waves a ruined hand dismissively, “don’t worry about it.”
“Steve-”
“Evie-” he mocks, flipping their argument from yesterday, “really. It’s fine.”
“I know it’s fine, that ain’t what I asked!”
He pulls into the parking lot and cuts the engine before turning to her with a sigh,
“You really wanna know?”
“Yes!”
“Well, I heard a rumour somewhere that some of the football team- a certain captain in particular- have started to get a bit brazen in how they’ve been treating some east side girls. And Sylvia Devares seemed to think maybe Angel had mentioned something about you showin’ up late to spanish last week and shaking like a spooked horse. So me’n the boys decided it was time to have a little talk with the dear captain and his buddies.”
“You didn’t have to do that," gratitude and shame swirl in her gut, “I can’t expect you to fight my battles forever.”
He lets out an inelegant snort.
“Of course you can,” he says, so matter-of-fact she couldn’t argue with him if she wanted to, “I meant what I said yesterday: I always got your back. Always. Even if you don’t wanna talk about things, I’m always gonna be here for you.”
Yeah, she realizes, he really is, always has been always will be. It doesn’t matter if she’s a pushover or not, he’ll always have her back.
How did she get so lucky?
#the outsiders#steve randle#evie the outsiders#evie bylilly#Evie: steve is so nice why does everyone think he's an asshole#Steve: is an asshole to everyone but Evie and Soda#stevie#qpr stevie#I will make that a tag if it's the last thing I do#please give this some love I thrive on it
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congratulations on 1k!!!! you deserve it:) i am wondering if i can request 7 of diamonds w matt rempe? but if you don’t want to write for him quinners is just fine ☺️ maybe like him trying to persuade you not to go out with your girlfriends that night
i don't normally write for matt, but i had already written this prompt for quinn, so i didn't want to completely nix your request! i did what i could! i don't fw matt rempe that way, but i hope this was fine <3
warnings: no actual p in v, but matt is trying REAL hard to make it happen. over the clothes touching, a lot of sensual kisses, persuasion (begging?) from matt
wc: 592
“You have to go?” Matt groans, following you into your bedroom. You’d just finished touching up your hair for girl’s night, so now you have to do your makeup.
“You sound like Barron Trump,” you tell him. “‘I have to go to school now? Now I have to go to school?’”
“Hardy har,” Matt says with a sarcastic and low laugh. He sticks his tongue out at you, standing behind you when you sit down at your vanity and putting his hands on your shoulders. “I can’t believe Alley got you hooked on that TikTok sound. It’s not that funny.”
“I like it,” you reply with a shrug as Matt starts to massage the area where his hands rest. “It is the only light in the darkness, Matty.”
“What time do you have to be there?” Matt asks, watching your face in the mirror.
“Speaking of your sister, she’s picking me up in an hour.” You rub primer into your skin, the first step of your routine. Since it’s just Alley and a few of your friends that you’ve known forever, you don’t plan on going full glam today. You’ll probably just do some foundation, concealer, eye makeup, and your lips.
“An hour?” Matt asks. “You’ve got so much time! Come lay down with me, c’mon. Please,” he drawls out, pouting at you and batting his eyelashes. “Alley won’t mind if you’re a little late.”
“I can’t always be late,” you admonish, frowning at Matt in the mirror. “That’s why I’m getting ready so early, M. So that I’m not late.”
Matt groans, exaggerated and long. “When you finish your makeup, will you come lay with me?”
You know that he’s going to keep asking, so you relent. “If I have time, I’ll come lay with you.”
Matt grins and kisses the back of your head, bending at the waist to do so. He’s so much taller than you when you’re sitting– it’s kind of hilarious. He goes to lay on the bed, sometimes scrolling on his phone and sometimes admiring you while you do your makeup.
You finish with plenty of time, already wearing the outfit that you’d planned for tonight. You stand from the vanity and walk over to Matt, poking him on the thigh and telling him to scoot over.
Matt does, then he rolls so that he’s halfway on top of you. He presses you into the mattress and breathes in your shampoo. He grabs his phone and lays his arm over your stomach, touching his forehead to your temple as he continues to scroll on Instagram. It isn’t long until he starts to kiss your cheek, then your jaw, then your neck. His kisses get more and more wet as he moves south, finally pulling your shirt to the side and escalating to leaving a hickey on your skin.
“Matthew,” you scold, pulling him away from the juncture of your neck and shoulder by his hair. “What are you doing?”
He groans like he’s been found out, although his actions were anything but sneaky. “Let me give you a reason to stay in bed,” he persuades, sneaking his hand under your skirt and petting over your panties. “C’mon, Alley won’t mind.”
You fix him with an unimpressed look, but he’s smiling and still touching you.
“You know you want to,” he teases. “And I’m headed on the road soon, we can’t waste any time.” He nibbles at your neck after that and you start to laugh.
“You’ll have plenty of time with me after girl’s night, Matt.”
#puck-luck's 1k celebration#andy writes anything🍄#matt rempe#matt rempe smut#matt rempe fanfiction#matt rempe blurb#mr73#nhl smut#nhl fanfiction#nhl blurb#hockey smut#hockey blurb
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oh you liked how in my fic for him. bucky didn't fall from the train well what if he did?
His phone buzzes. Steve picks it up and sees a text from Hill, then another one comes in. They’re both phone numbers. The first one is Becca’s and the second is Benny’s. Benny’s name is still Barnes, but Hill’s text has Becca’s last name as Proctor. Steve exhales, then he calls Becca.
It rings for a long time. Steve bites his lip.
“Hello?”
Becca’s voice is rough and cracking with age, but it’s her. Steve exhales heavily.
“It’s Steve,” he says quietly. “Hi.”
There’s silence for a moment.
“What flowers were at your wedding?” Becca asks.
Steve smiles, bittersweet, but it’s just like Becca to be suspicious. “Red carnations and daisies. Bucky had a daisy in his lapel,” he adds. “Your ma did all youse’s hair with daisies, too. And you and Betty had matching dresses, little cap sleeves and empire waists and a bow in the back, and your ma bought both of you a pair of kitten heels, even though you were only eight, they were yellow with bows, too. Benny had a dress with a big poofy skirt and she kept grousing about it, even though she tried to get me to wear a wedding gown with a poofy skirt. I let Benny pick the color of your dresses, though. She picked pale yellow because she was obsessed with lemons back then. The wedding cake was lemon because of her, lemon and lavender.”
“Steve…” Becca exhales. “Is it really you?”
“Yeah,” Steve whispers, trying to hold back sudden tears. “Becca, Bucky – Before he – Before –”
“What?” Becca asks gently. “What did Bucky do?”
“‘M pregnant,” Steve confesses.
“Oh, my G-d,” Becca whispers. “Oh, my G-d. You’re pregnant?”
“Three months,” Steve then tells her, his voice almost breaking. “I’m about three months in.”
“Did Bucky know?”
Steve lets out a watery sort of laugh. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah. He – He said I could go on one last mission, the mission to get Zola, then he was gonna tell Colonel Phillips and get me discharged. We didn’t know for sure, but…”
“Oh, Steve,” Becca murmurs. “Where are you, honey?”
“Brooklyn,” Steve whispers. “Bedford-Stuyvesant,” he adds.
“Okay, honey, I’m gonna come pick you up, alright? I got a spare bedroom, you can have it. Bucky wouldn’t want you to be alone. What’s your address?”
Steve bites his lip hard, fighting back tears. But she’s right.
“Alright,” he mumbles, then recites the address for Barton’s apartment building. “I don’t have a lot of things right now,” he says. “I – I, uh, I’m trying to get the Smithsonian to give back all our stuff…”
“I heard your collar got taken out of the exhibit,” Becca says. “You have it?”
“Yeah,” Steve answers. “I had to get a new key fitted for the lock. Buck–”
He can’t say it. Bucky had had the key on the chain that held Steve’s dog tags. It had fallen with him, to be forever entombed in stone and ice.
“It’s okay, honey,” Becca tells him. “I won’t be long, just an hour. Have you got a nest set up yet?”
“No,” Steve admits softly. “I – I want –” His voice cracks and he swallows. “I want my nesting stuff. It’s all in the Smithsonian. They’re saying it all belonged to some Omega I collared.”
“I’ll sic my grandkids on ‘em,” Becca says. “What have you eaten today?”
Steve groans and drops his head back against the wall. “Protein bars,” he mutters.
“Anything else?”
“No.”
“Bucky’s gonna come back from the grave and take a double-folded belt to your ass if you don’t start taking better care of his property,” Becca offers kindly.
Steve laughs a little again, then wipes tears from his eyes. “You’re right.”
“What have you got other than protein bars?” Becca asks.
“Protein shakes,” Steve sighs.
“Oh, boy, Bucky’s rolling in his grave.”
Steve almost laughs. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a shaking breath.
“If you need to cry, you should,” Becca says. “It’s good for you.”
“Call me when you get here,” Steve murmurs. “I have to pack.”
“Alright. Just an hour, big brother.”
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#captain america#marvel#winter soldier#mcu#alpha/beta/omega dynamics#post serum steve#becca barnes#mpreg#family feels#steve rogers needs a hug#snippet#for him.
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I know this isn’t necessarily related to shifting. BUT! I wanted to explain and maybe mention a couple things for some motivation for the shifters who are struggling to find the want to keep going on their shifting/manifesting journey!
⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒
To starts off, shifting is easy. Yea, I know you have heard this MULTIPLE times, but it is the truth. Don’t over complicate it! It’s as easy as one, two, three. Quite literally.
belief
consistency
success
I use this ALL the times as a checkbook to get my desires! I mades it up while in the shower, wwwww… (if you are going to take this idea, DO NOT claim it as yours! Give me credit, or don’t post it at all!), — besides that! It’s called the 1, 2, 3 method (usually for my manifestations! But I’ve used it for shifting too!), or you can calls it B.C.S.
To go more in depth— here’s a little explanation!
𝜗 ゚ׅ ၄ 🍮 ၃ ׅ 𝜚 ゚ׅ
belief: it is literally what you’ve been seeing all over tumblr! Your self-concept is the main key to all of this. Think of it this way… The way you perceive everything. You THINK and SEE the world around you, the 3D, to be like that. So, in return, your world will revolve and show those exact beliefs to be true. It will be like that, since you said so. Now that is cleared up- put that in perspective into whatever you think about your situation: how hard it is to do ___, how long ____ is taking, why won’t ____ happen, etc! Once you are done with that, revise it. Instead of thinking of how hard it is to do whatever, change perspectives: “It is not hard at all, it is easy. I always do ___ and it comes naturally to me.” / “I always have everything come to me quick and efficiently, oh look! I just got a text from ___. And my package was just delivered! This is all so easy!” / “___ already happened, I just experienced that. And I always expect to experience that, whenever I want. Because it will forever be like that.”
𝜗 ゚ׅ ၄ 🍮 ၃ ׅ 𝜚 ゚ׅ
does that make sense? That was what people call affirming. It’s really plain and simple. Now, there is another thing that is important! The ‘C’ word.
𝜗 ゚ׅ ၄ 🍮 ၃ ׅ 𝜚 ゚ׅ
consistency: Ding Ding Ding! You seemed to forget to do something? What was it? It was stay consistent and dedicated. You can’t keep having something if you aren’t consistent, can you? You can’t keep your dream job if you aren’t consistent at working at it? How will you stay famous if you don’t keep making your fans happy? That’s the point. With consistency, comes stability. What do I mean by this? Well, it all ties back to B. Belief needs constant confirmation. How? Let’s brain dump for a second. You consume a lot of this “shifting” and “manifesting” content every day. You also consume a lot of what you BELIEVE and/or think is right and you like. It’s how the social media algorithm works! The more you like something, the more likely it’ll show up. And the more you consume that, the more you’ll think about it. The more you think about it, the more you’ll want to consume. And the more it’ll show up. It’s a cycle. Now, that sounds… pretty familiar? It is, and should be. It’s exactly how consistency works. If you use social media, TikTok, even tumblr—! You should know that the more you like, or the more you follow people with related topics, the more it’ll show up. If you affirm consistently, the belief will become more solid. More stable. Your subconscious is the foundation of your reality, of your relationships, of YOU. So this means, as you’ve seen before, your subconscious can control anything and everything around you. Your beliefs are also the second building block to your subconscious. And being consistent with those beliefs and principles, will make your subconscious mind warp and change your reality into those beliefs. The more you affirm, even if it’s just a couple sentences each day, it’ll give you want I call ‘S’.
𝜗 ゚ׅ ၄ 🍮 ၃ ׅ 𝜚 ゚ׅ
Now, there is the last thing! The letter S.
𝜗 ゚ׅ ၄ 🍮 ၃ ׅ 𝜚 ゚ׅ
success: Now that has happened. It’s already there. All of it. You shifting, you manifesting, you changing EVERYTHING in your life. You changing the 3D to match the 4D. That’s all. It’s that easy.
As easy as 1, 2, 3 !
⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒
Things I’ve manifested!
🐾🎀(๑>◡<๑)୭♡ᵎᵎ
I manifested! (With subliminals + affirming!)
I manifested doll-like beauty with a small, slim dolly babyface with a v-shaped slim, small chin. ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮🐾🎀 ⋅ ☆ I manifested a sharp yet soft jawline that is rounded, free from any fat on the jawline, chin, and neck. ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮🐾🎀 ⋅ ☆ I got a tiny little forehead and short mid-face. I also manifested cherubic, squishy pink cheeks. ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮🐾🎀 ⋅ ☆ I manifested skin that is clear, pristine, beautiful, and youthful, free from wrinkles, smile lines, and skin creases. The skin tone I got is complemented by a rosy pink undertone. ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮🐾🎀 ⋅ ☆ Standing at 4’8”, I manifested a tiny body frame. I got a low BMI with a petite waist and small shoulders. I manifested a flat chest, cute heart-shaped thigh gap, and slim calves. I also got thick, soft thighs and small feet. ୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮🐾🎀 ⋅ ☆ Lastly, I manifested a blush on joints, shoulders, and knees.
If you want to know anything else about how I did it, just send an ask! I can also send my playlist! (I need to revamp it, since some of the creators got deleted wwwww… ⸝⸝ •́ ࿁ •̀ ⸝⸝)
#shift reality#shifting community#shifting blog#shifting antis dni#shifting realities#shifting motivation#reality shifter#desired reality#law of manifestation#how to manifest#manifesting#manipulation#loa tumblr#loablr#loa#loassumption#robotic affirming#loa blog#master manifestor#loa success#ug subliminal community#subliminals#subliminal advertising#subliminal maker#subliminal messages#law of assumption#4d reality#loassblog#subliminal audio#subliminal community
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#sky children of the light#sky cotl#thatskygame#season of revival#aviary#couldn’t think of a clever caption so just#drink it in#this area as it is right now#with the soft and empty music and the thick fog and the coldness and loneliness#takes me back to this time six years ago#when I was at my lowest and I’m talking so low that I dissociated SEVERELY#the emptiness felt exactly like this all the way down to the weight on my chest#but just like back then I know now that it won’t be like this forever#not while I have people I can rely on and work together with#and here I sit today knowing EXACTLY how this story will end#so me from 6 years ago? this one’s for you. you made it. you’re the strongest and most content and most outgoing you’ve ever been#glad ya made it pal
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yesterday my parents brought home a new dog without telling me first, knowing that i’m not ready for another dog yet after the death of my last one 🙃
#i know i won’t live here forever but unfortunately im here now and its just drudging up grief seeing a different dog in the house#a week or two ago they went to look at dogs without telling me and i told them i was upset about that#because they knew i didn’t want a dog yet#and they were like ‘sorry we thought you meant you didn’t want one at all so there was no point in telling you (??)’#‘we’ll have to talk about it’#there was no talking 🙃#i would’ve considered it even tho i didn’t feel ready if i was at least talked to first! and got to meet him at the shelter#instead of in my home!#literally two nights before they went to the shelter the first time i had a nightmare they brought a dog home without telling me#and then the night before they actually did i had that nightmare again#and thought ‘that’s a ridiculous dream obviously they wouldn’t do that without talking to me’#lol.#they said i ‘move too slow’#sorry i’ll grieve faster next time i guess!#i wouldn’t have done that to them if roles were reversed…#he’s technically here on a three night test period first but let’s be real they’re not gonna send him back to the shelter#and i’d be the villain if i suggested it#i don’t have the heart to send a dog back to the shelter but i feel like i was manipulated into this
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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