#but its the only way i can deal with the ending

[pittrabbit]

warning: angst, fluff, resolution of feelings yay, kissing, a lot of smut, p in v sex, not proofread!!!!, age gap (think 28 and 49), horribly incorrect medical terminology, made up lore about jack's former wife.

summary: after finally snapping at jack, he does something he'd never done before: he grovels. finally allowing himself to let someone in, he chases after you in hopes of doing things right this time around.

word count: 4.3k

part 1

only a few days passed after that last, unfortunate, encounter with you before another harsh day made its way to the ER.

jack couldnt help but worry about you on the harder days at the job. you'd gotten to know each other well enough for you to know each other's coping mechanisms. you knew about his therapy, about his habit of coming in to work when sleep couldn't find him. and in turn, he knew of your loneliness, of your inability to decompartmentalize your emotions after a particularly difficult shift.

this worried him as soon as a massive casualty hit the ER. it had been a car crash. a blunder involving a drunk driver and a truck packed with a family of six. only one survivor — a six year old little girl. it had taken the entire day, with tireless attempts at saving the family, at saving the drunk driver and his passenger, but it was all futile.

you worked along each other, ignoring any issues between you as you attempted to save a young 12 year old boy with head trauma. it was grueling, an impossible case to deal with. and it all proved useless, resulting in the outcome jack saw coming within an hour of working the case. but he continued upon your insistence, realizing you were crashing out and wanting to be there to catch you.

after it was all said and done, he trailed after you, watching from afar just in case. he wanted to ensure you were fine, even if it was from a distance.

it was a selfish need, but he seemingly couldn't help his selfishness when it came to you.

it was surprising to him when you accepted princess' invitation to join the crew in some after-work drinks at the park. it meant he no longer had to keep his distance. it meant he could at least save himself from worrying about your mental state as you went home alone, that he could make sure you could decompress before heading home.

and so now he sat there, beer in hand as he actively avoided looking your way.

he didn't want to be obvious, didn't want to make you uncomfortable or like he kept you under close watch. he had already been scared that you'd leave as soon as you realized he was tagging along. so he wanted to keep his distance, or to at least make you think that he was.

one by one, people began leaving, all while you stood there, mostly quietly nodding along to people's jokes and commentary about the hard day.

in the end, it was only you, jack, robby, and collins left. the more people that left, the harder it was for jack to not zero in on you, to not want to go up to you and grovel, to take the chance that you were finally in his vicinity to make things up with you.

robby — a smart man — and collins — an even smarter woman — took his silent pleas into consideration, eyeing each other before getting up from the bench they were sharing with jack. collins went to give you a quick hug as a goodbye, insisting you take her seat on the bench. knowing you'd hesitate, she guided you despite your lighthearted objections.

robby was the last to say goodbye, offering his friend a subtle nod in encouragement before leaving you on your own.

the silence was heavy, creating warmth in the otherwise chilly atmosphere of the park.

jack remained silent for a few moments, still facing forward as he sipped at his beer.

"kid," he broke the silence, giving you space to speak.

"can we ... can we not talk? i just, i don't know if i can handle talking to you right now," your voice was broken as you said it.

it made jack's heart clench, in pain at the fact that today's events weren't the only reason why you were hurting. it was because of him too.

his body turned to yours on the bench, finding you shelled off, shrinking into yourself as your legs pressed together and you looked down at your lap. it took him a moment to realize you were crying, small sniffles leaving you before a sob escaped your lips.

"fuck, kid ... c'mere," he grabbed his leg off the bench, scooting to your side and wrapping his arm around you.

surprisingly to him, you leaned in, allowing yourself to nuzzle into his chest while he pressed kisses against your hair, humming in a comforting manner as he remained pressed into your hair.

"i- i don't-"

"you don't gotta say anything. just stay here," he reassured, "i'm here, kid. i'm always here."

you stayed silent for a beat or two, "are you, jack? because it really hasn't felt like it lately," you pulled away just enough to look up into his eyes, finding them glassy just like yours.

his gaze averted, swallowing as he attempted not to let the shame show in his features. thing was, you had a point. jack was very well aware of how hot and cold he'd been with you, how little explanation he'd given you for it.

and though he'd been trying to make up for it, he had felt too ashamed to even try and be assertive about it all. communication, something he valued incredibly (specially after all those visits to his therapist), had failed him any time he tried to let himself get closer to you. he felt like a hypocrite telling robby all about therapy and letting himself be vulnerable, all while he did anything but.

truth was, it had been a very long time since he'd felt like this. it had been twelve years since the passing of his wife, an event that had altered his life beyond belief. it had only been a year since he'd stopped wearing the ring to work, advice given with some hesitation by both his therapist and robby. something about needing to move on, to stop being stuck in the past.

it didn't prove useful for a while. it certainly opened up doors for women flirting with him any time he found himself at a bar or outing with his coworkers, but he never really engaged with it, not feeling quite ready for it.

but then he met you.

the effect of meeting you had been almost immediate, he just hadn't realized it until later. and it was this realization that led to him ruining everything.

he cared about you far too much far too quickly. when he finally came to realize it, he knew he was in too deep and completely unprepared for his feelings. attempting to bring it up during therapy had been futile, as he had already made up his mind to let you go, to keep you at an arm's length even if it ended up hurting you both in the process.

you were too young, too new, too polished — and that was completely ignoring the fact that you were his subordinate. being with him would mean dirtying you up with all his issues, forcing all of his trauma on you, showing you the ugly parts of himself that had not seen the surface since his wife had passed. and even then, he'd only gotten worse with time, even more closed off. even his wife wouldnt have been able to handle the dark cloud constantly hanging over his head.

he kept it hidden. he told jokes, encouraged students, was there for his friends, but beneath the surface was too much for him to unravel in front of you.

but pushing you away clearly hadn't been the solution.

because now he found himself even more miserable than before. and even worse, he found you destroyed by his actions, crying as he held on to you late at night on a public park.

"i'm here, kid. i'm always here, you know that," he finally answered your question, pulling you even closer, perhaps more for his own sanity than yours.

you continued looking at him, a knot in your brows and a pouty lip sticking out, giving him the look of a petulant child.

"you can't do this, jack," you shook your head, correcting yourself, "i mean, doctor abbot. sorry, force of habit."

he shook his head slowly in return, lifting up a hand to your cheek and making you turn to him, "hey, it's jack to you, okay? none of that formality bullshit."

you scoffed, "how- how am i supposed to read you, jack? how do i know when you're doctor abbot to me or when you're jack? i'm ... i'm so tired of this. i don't think i can do this anymore," you paused, scooting back slightly so you could look at him better. you swallowed and looked away for a brief moment, as if you needed to build up the courage for what you were going to say next, "i applied at a hospital next town over to continue my rotation there. they, uhm, they called me yesterday. i just need to sign the papers and then-"

"what?"

he turned serious, harshly grabbing his prosthetic off the floor and putting it on before standing up with conviction. chuckling with bitterness, he ran his hand down his face, turning to you as he paced in front of the bench you'd been sitting on.

"you're, what, you're leaving? its- it's that easy for you?"

then you turned serious, anger invading your features before you got up and stood in front of him, chin tilted upwards as you spoke.

"easy? you think this shit is easy for me? i've been here for almost a year. i love everyone here, but you- god, you're driving me fucking insane. what do you even want from me?," you ranted, hands flying up and down as you spoke with conviction, "first you teach me, you take me under your wing, you treat me as your favorite, and you- you make me think that maybe you might even like me" you paused, looking away for a second with insecurity behind your eyes, "but you were too much of a coward to admit it to yourself and decide to shun me instead? you push me away, refuse to teach me, fuck, you acted like you hated me — no, but here's the kicker! when i do the same in return, that's when you decide to switch it back up on me? what am i supposed to do with that, jack? i can't deal with this anymore, i can't-"

jack had heard enough. truly, he had heard enough five seconds into your rant, but he'd never seen you speak with such emotion. he knew you needed this, to get all your anger for him out of your system so you could complete the cycle of emotions you were going through because of him.

it was just that he needed to get something out of his system too.

taking two determined steps towards you, his hands went up to your cheeks, engulfing almost the entirety of your face in between them before pulling you towards him.

kissing you had been the most decisive thing he'd done since meeting you. no overthinking, no faltering, just doing what he'd been too ashamed of even picturing for the past months in which he'd known you.

the kiss turned intense almost immediately, invading his every sense as he coaxed your lips open with his tongue before slipping it inside. you sighed, finally allowing him to feel your hands on him when you brought them up tot he back of his head, toying and pulling at his hair any time he'd suck on your tongue.

the sounds you released against his lips had him breathing in deep, almost as if buffering at the effect you had on him. his hands came down to your lower back, pulling you against his body, ensuring no space would be left between you.

admittedly, jack was not expecting you to pull away within mere moments of what he would've called a life-changing kiss. his lips chased yours for a few seconds before realizing what was happening, opening his eyes to find your eyes on his.

"n-no, jack! i can't do this, i can't just- i need something better than this. i deserve better," you reprimanded, but you didn't pull away. you stayed in his hold, with your hands now lying on his chest.

jack took a deep breath, giving himself a moment to enjoy the light breeze around you before zeroing in on your eyes. it was imperative to him to always look you in the eyes, to have his entire focus on you as he spoke to you.

"you're right. you deserve better," his hands went up and down your back in a comforting manner, "and i'll give you better. i'll give you anything you want."

"how am i supposed to believe that?"

you looked away, staring down at your feet due to the intensity of his gaze, but he wasn't having it. his hand went up to your chin, encompassing it between his thumb and his index finger as he lifted up your chin so you'd face him again.

"hey- hey, eyes on me. i- i cant explain what i feel for you, okay? i've been a fucking idiot, and i know i don't deserve another chance, but i do care about you. more than i can even understand," he began, not once leaving your eyes, "i did this all wrong. i didn't want you wasting your life with an old man like me, with someone who doesn't even know how to love anymore," his hand went up to trace your cheek with his thumb, "but i was wrong. and if you let me, i'll prove it all to you. what do you say, kid? will you give me another chance?", he practically pleaded, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "i love you, kid. i need you to at least know that."

you stayed silent for a few moments, scaring the fuck out of jack as you did so, but then you looked back up to him with a smile.

"you know, if we're gonna do this, maybe it's time you stop calling me kid, you old man," you nodded at him.

in disbelief, he laughed, shaking his head at you, "yeah? that's all you got out of this?," he laughed unlike he usually did, with jubilation that was unfamiliar to him, "hmm, how about 'baby,' then? huh? or 'honey'? 'sweetheart'? you gotta give me ideas here, kid. i don't know what the youth's saying nowadays."

laughing along with him, you nudged him in faux annoyance, "stop talking like that, you're not 70!"

he interrupted your teasing by burying his face in your neck, kissing it lightly a few times before reaching your lips, shutting up your laughter with his tongue in your mouth.

you fell into the kiss easily, moaning into his mouth when he deepened it and pulling him closer by twisting your fingers in his hair.

"hmm," you hummed when you pulled away, "i love you too, by the way. in case that wasn't completely obvious by now."

"i think i might need some proof, kid," he teased.

rolling your eyes, you scoffed, "again with the kid-"

but he interrupted you again with another kiss, this time heavier, this time more lustful. his hands traced your jaw, holding it in place so he could explore your mouth as he pleased.

your reaction to his touch, to his kiss, were nothing but euphoric to jack. you melted into him, humming and sighing at every swipe of his tongue against yours. jack pulled you closer by your hips, causing an incidental grace of your hips with one another. this pulled a groan from jack, who was already beginning to harden and knew he was a gone man upon the very first touch of lips.

"kid, i-"

"take me home, jack," you sighed, eyes closed and lips scraping by his own, not allowing him an answer before your tongue snuck out and licked at his top lip, sucking it lightly afterwards.

jack lost his sanity then, but he was fortunately well trained for such moments. he had a soldier's ability to remain stoic whenever necessary.

but the military didn't train him for how to deal with you.

so he caved.

"are you sure?", he tried to keep his composure, to think reasonably for the two of you.

your lips went south, reaching his jaw and then his neck as you kissed and sucked at it, moaning into his skin as if you were the receiver of the pleasure.

"please, jack," you reached his ear then, teeth scrapping his lobe, "i've been waiting for so long."

for the first time in more years than he could count, jack shuddered, a heavy exhale leaving him at your tongue suddenly licking at the shell of his ear. his hands gripped your hips, pushing you up against the hardness between you as he groaned.

"you want to kill me," he huffed, giving in.

"take me home so i can finish the job," you continued, relentless in ruining him.

he nodded, breathless, utilizing herculean effort to separate himself from you and grabbing your hand, leading you in the direction of his car parked a couple blocks away.

once in the car, you didn't want to keep your hands off him, pulling him in for another kiss before he could even fasten his seatbelt.

"you're going to make us end back at the ER, honey," he grumbled between kisses, hand on your wrist as you pulled his head towards you.

"fine, i'll calm down," you sighed dramatically as you pulled away (much to jack's hypocritical dismay)

౨ৎ

"you know, i always pegged you as someone a someone a little more shy," jack attempted to speak as you pushed him up against the wall of his apartment.

"yeah? you feel i'm taking advantage of you, doc?", you jested back, a cheshire cat smile on your slips as you had your way with him.

jack's hands remained on your waist, pulling you close while you peppered kisses down the length of his neck. they reached under your scrub top, feeling the warm skin at the dip of your back, groaning at the softness found there.

"take as much advantage as you want," he hummed after a few moments of silence, just taking in every touch you blessed him with.

your mouth creeped north reaching his ear, hands now under his shirt and tracing at the skin of his abdomen. breathing against his ear, you kissed it, whispering into it, "but what if i want you to take advantage of me?"

"fuck, kid ... you're going to kill me," but despite his words, his hands wrapped around you, nudging you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist.

it was a bit of a messy trek, but you made it to his bed in one piece, being settled down on it with gentleness. refusing to let jack get too far from you, your legs remained around him as he threw off his shirt, hastening in removing his prosthetic, shoes, pants, and leaving only his boxers on. he watched you intensely as he undressed, all while you made sex eyes at him, biting your lip and swallowing at every new sliver of skin uncovered.

"you look like you want to eat me," he chuckled, climbing the bed and kneeling on top of you, using his hands to lift himself up above you.

"there's a lot of things i want to do to you," you sighed back, lifting your head so you could steal a kiss, pulling him down by grabbing the back of his neck.

desperate for more, your legs fully wrapped around his back, pulling him down so your middles could connect. this earned a groan directly into your mouth along with a whine of your own. luckily jack took the hint, beginning to gyrate his hips against your own, giving you the desired friction despite your scrub pants and his boxers being in the way.

"oh, god, jack ..." you sighed, mouth open and allowing jack access to suck your tongue.

your hands became antsy, scratching at his back in anguish at the pressure you were craving in your stomach. meanwhile, his own hands slipped under your shirt once more, hesitant in pulling it up before you aided him in the act, lifting yourself up a bit in order to throw it off.

under it, he found a lacy bra, baby pink and contrasting against your skin perfectly. it was comfy, not too much, but it had a cute little bow in the middle, giving jack whiplash as he stared down at you dumbfounded.

"fuck, kid," he shook his head in disbelief, "i dont know if i can handle you," his lips lowered, kissing at your collarbones, dragging his kisses to your sternum and ending up at the top of your breasts.

"what, old man, you're gonna tell me you're out of practice?", you teased as you reached behind you to pull your bra off, making jack freeze against your chest for a second before allowing himself to look at your nude upper half.

"you're a fucking dream, kid," he huffed, voice in a complete state of incredulity. he then leaned down again, kissing at your breasts, licking and biting and sucking, taking in every moan that left your lips while his hips took on a slow and steady pace as they ground into yours, "don't even know where to start with you."

"just fuck me," you cried, pulling his head back up to your lips, "i want you so bad, jack."

he groaned at this, but even more so when he felt your hand reach down to his boxers, one hand slipping inside and gripping his dick while the other scratched at the hem, pulling down the fabric.

"you sure, baby?" he had to check one last time, though he knew he wouldnt be able to take it if you made him stop now. he had never felt this needy, like he'd die if he didnt get more of you.

you nodded with desperation, furrowed brows and pleading eyes staring up at him in a ruinous manner.

shuffling so you could remove your scrub pants and panties from under him, you finally ended up fully nude and ready, gasping when you felt his fingers run through the wetness between your legs.

jack grabbed at himself, positioning his dick right against your cunt and finally pushing in with a heavy grown.

dropping his head against your neck, he took a deep breath, groaning at the feeling of finally entering you.

"jack ... fuck, jack, you feel so good," you were delirious as you said it, nails already running down his back.

in the meantime, jack was in heaven. he hadnt felt so lightheaded in years. your mere touch already had his heart going a mile a minute and his brain turning off, but the feeling of you like this — warm, wet, welcoming — made every bit of misery in his life become worth it.

"fucking perfect ... that's it, baby, take it for me," he began moving, hips creating that slamming sound of skin that he'd grown so unfamiliar with.

the man above you lost himself in the pleasure, grunting in tandem with every thrust and wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you as close to him as possible, breathing in the natural scent of your skin.

and even though the pleasure was unimaginable, jack simply wanted more, wanted to have you louder, more broken for him. he'd always been a bit of an overachiever, after all.

softly, he pulled out, shushing you when you whined at the separation and getting you on your hands and knees. his hands massaged the skin of your hips, dipping your back lower so you'd arch it even more for him and groaning at the sight.

"look at you ..." he mumbled almost to himself.

then he entered you again, now deeper, heavier, adding more pressure to your belly and making you immediately wail at the feeling. that's when jack truly lost himself. completely drunk on the feeling, jack hammered into you, huffing and puffing at the overexertion of energy he was currently displaying.

"i'm gonna cum, jack, shit ..." you said with an uncharted desperation, only making jack speed up, knowing that the moment you came, he was gone.

and he'd been right. as soon as your climax took over you, you pulled him right down with you, forcing him to spill inside you without the ability to even warn you. you'd taken him by surprise as per usual.

there were, once more, complaints from you when he finally pulled out of you, leaving the warmth of your skin to clean himself up and wipe up any of his remains that spilled out of you. he just tutted at you, but still hurried himself up so he could finally lay down with you, have that intimacy he'd craved from you since day one.

side by side, jack felt offended by any amount of distance, pulling you as close as possible while his hands traced at the curve of your hips, grabbing your leg and throwing him over his waist so any distance would be eliminated. your hands played with his chest, fingers tracing figures at the expanse of it while you smiled shyly at him.

"how you feeling, gorgeous?"

you muffled a giggle by pressing your face into his chest, kissing the skin once, twice, before leaning up for a kiss on his lips.

"better than i've felt in a very long time. how about you, old man?", you hummed into his lips.

"never felt better."

"you just had to one-up me, didn't you?" you scowled falsely at him.

he tsk'd at you in fake annoyance, a very common display from him, "gotta keep you on your toes, kid."

note: did not know how to end it lol and its also not proofread but i hope you enjoy anyways!

[julietcpulet]

Jinmao: Not a shojo romance

I feel people who come to Apothecary Diaries have a shojo expectation of the romance. Given that’s what the anime is labeled as, makes sense. Guy and girl are gonna meet, maybe misunderstandings and some bullying and awkwardness, a kiss and then bam, romance. Nope that’s not how this one works. If you read the light novels, you know. It’s twisty and complicated and not at all quick to work out. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth sticking around for. The anime has actually done incredibly well fleshing out that dynamic within a shojo / seinen context and even adding other aspects to it that I really appreciate (the moment in the gif is one of them, her checking for fever isn’t in the LN). That being said, there is more to it and in a time where we’re used to instant reward Jinamo isn’t a payoff you’re going to get right away, or close to soon at all but if you’re someone who can appreciate growth and crumbs then maybe their journey might be for you.

So let’s lay out some perspective (spoilers below):

Jinshi went into the rear palace at around age 14, had to suppress his manhood with drugs and has been leered at by older creepy women and men his whole life while having to deal with the sex lives of others, including his own father. Maomao was mutilated by her mother, abandoned by her father and even when he came back it had less to do with her and more to do with his obsession over her mom. Her sisters pushed sexual acts on her to make her understand being a courtesan, they left her alone until she learned to be emotionless (she wasn’t born autistic, it’s learned behavior and coping mechanisms from no one caring how she felt) and her adopted father took her in but even he can look at her in a disturbed way due to her intellectual curiosity. Her intensity with medicine and bent towards self-harm are due to a lack of self-protective mechanisms because no one was there to protect her in childhood. There’s evidence even to suggest that she only experiments with poison in an effort to feel something and as she beings to feel more emotions in a normal way, she experiments on herself less and leans more towards medicine in its simple form for healing and not in poison. Luomen may have taken her in, her “sisters” kept her around, fed and did what was necessary for her but no one gave her the love and care she needed. It’s why she views love in a cynical, dismissive way and very much thinks she cannot or almost should not experience it.

With Jinshi, he has had no healthy relationship with a woman since he was young. Older women are predatory towards him due to his looks, he’s watched both his “mothers” be consorts their entire lives and waste away due to jealousy, political issues and lack of affection and Suiren, while affectionate can treat him too much like the palace prince, alternately spoiling and disciplining in a way that’s dehumanizing. He didn’t have a father figure, we can argue about Gaoshun but he frequently mentions wanting to return to his own family and end his assignment with Jinshi, not to mention his exasperation, so to me the implication is while there’s a mild affection for having seen the young boy grow up, he doesn’t consider him family. So overall Jinshi has spent his whole life being watched over by strangers who feel no particular attachment to him while simultaneously getting leered at by inappropriate court women and men.

With all of these factors between the two combined, expecting these two to have a fluffy relationship is unrealistic. They were stunted emotionally, forced to grow up too soon, abused verbally and physically in different forms and traumatized. Left without real parental or friendly support, given no emotional tools to navigate the world and told to figure it out themselves. It’s a miracle they’re not weirder than they are or more horrible to each other. They’re two people who’ve spent their whole lives having no one give two cares about them as people suddenly have one person who’s very intent on knowing them for them and that is not something either is used to. Maomao’s seeming disinterest in Jinshi isn’t about him, it’s about his position. Everything else that has to do with him personally she takes note of, his habits, his moods, how he responds to her, even the smell of his incense, those minute observations tell us she cares enough to consider him. With Jinshi, he is like the young boy who teases the girl at first because he likes her. He wants to get a rise out of her because she’s so disinterested. But that doesn’t stay forever. He’s a boy who’s had to act like a twisted version of a man his whole life but finally been presented with the opportunity to actually be a man for once in pursuing a woman he likes. When Jinshi decides to actually go after Maomao in earnest, his maturity grows too.

Maomao’s telling herself that things don’t affect her isn’t “truth”, it’s her way of deflecting, if she says it then that makes something true that likely isn’t. Examples being, acting as if she didn’t know Jinshi’s identity for the longest time, same with Loulan and how at one point she says she barely feels pain then almost cuts off her own finger before Jinshi stops her in the epilogue of LN 4. The whole moment is brought up to correlate her crying over the loss of her friends, being out of the palace and away from Jinshi but acting like she doesn’t care to her then over-experimenting and almost harming herself. This mimics her mother and Lakan’s twisted beginning but the sense is the same, Maomao doesn’t know how to deal with emotion so she pushes it away and excuses it as something else. The point being that she’s a hurt young woman dealing with a lot in not the best way and Jinshi has his own way of dealing with things too, usually by being a bit childish. When they manage to make breakthroughs they’re small but meaningful.

Their interactions can be uncomfortable at times because these are two characters who aren’t comfortable in their own skin. One had to fake being 5 years older than he was and the other had to be a parent to the only ones she’s had and those around her so acts like she’s 10 years older than her own age. Ironically as they’re interacting with each other they’re finally getting to be the young adults they never had the room to be. So yes that petulant, sometimes aggressive and childish back and forth they get into can be uncomfortable because it’s just two young adults trying to figure out what love, friendship and partnership actually might look like as they never saw it modeled properly or have experienced it. It’s awkward, slow going and imperfect but interesting if you’re willing to stick around for it.

Like Maomao running her hand through Jinshi’s hair or him kissing her on the forehead while she’s sleeping and having Suiren prepare her a bath after exhausting herself. It’s moments that show a mature, measured kind of affection they’re growing into together. It also exemplifies the different kinds of affection they show. Jinshi is more the outwardly affectionate type, expressing a want to marry her, giving her the hair stick, even the brand to prove he’ll allay her fears, while Maomao’s affection is expressed in how she cares for Jinshi, worries about his health and is thinking about him when she doesn’t need to. Different but equally complementary and necessary.

Remember too this is set during an imperial dynasty, there are going to be weird complicated roles and things we don’t see play out in the modern world now. And yes while the author could just have said throw that out and had them have an unrealistic romance across societal lines, I’m glad she’s made it realistic in how they’re struggling to make it happen across the boundary of the imperial society they live in.

Lastly, it’s fantasy. If some of the things these characters did happened in real life would they be “toxic”, maybe, although we could argue about that too but it’s not real. This is a fictional couple so sometimes I think people just want to stamp their modern view on it and say it’s a certain way when they can’t or don’t want to see the larger narrative at play. Believe me, if he really did assault her, or was a pedo or doing something completely gross I wouldn’t be writing these long monologues about them being even an interesting fictional couple. Because I do think there’s a line to be drawn in books, I don’t even like most romantasy today because the MCs are too disgusting and the FMCs unrealistic for me if that says anything. But this isn’t real life where a lot of us wouldn’t even talk to someone like Maomao who’s burning her arm on a regular basis for experiments, we’d be telling her to get help. It’s a fictional couple in a fictional world where there can be more twisty plots and that’s ok because we don’t need to take it so seriously. Watch the anime, read the light novels and enjoy it for the mental break it’s all supposed to be. Let those who enjoy the romance enjoy it and if that’s not for you then hit fast forward and there’s plenty of mystery to be had. That’s the good thing about Apothecary Diaries is it kind of has a sprinkling of genres for everyone. As for me, I’ll be excited for every Jinmao crumb along the way and writing these I’m sure annoyingly long rants I’m glad if anyone reads 😂

[boxheadpaint]

chest pain: bad but expected, tolerable

throat pain: mild yet the most suckish in this moment

Painkillers from the hospital wore off so I’m taking the prescribed ones and they’re pulling their weight for sure but ohhh the breathing tube I’m feeling the effects now. Got up at 7 to take care of drains, blessing my partner for everything they do for me. I am so happy now

I will admit I had terrible anxiety beforehand, like some transphobic rhetoric creeping up behind me to make me think I was being stupid or would regret it and I was mutilating myself, things that… I just don’t believe in but that wouldn’t go away. And when it wasn’t that it was well the opposite of a miracle will happen and something with go terribly wrong in the surgery and your poor beloved will suffer, that you’ll hurt people with your selfishness.

I wasn’t completely unaware, I knew I was very tired and very hungry from fasting that it left me in a vulnerable state to nonsensical intrusive thoughts but it was still so terrible. We actually had ended up getting there too early because of me second guessing the time, so I was tossing and turning on the hospital bed for a bit stuck in my own mind because I was too tired to speak. But pan was there the whole time and that’s all I could ask for.

and for all the paranoia and anxiety and spiraling, when I woke up later my immediate feeling was relief and pure joy. Sore as hell and loopy from the anesthetic but i already knew i was feeling so much better. A great weight lifted, getting something off my chest that while funny had caused me more trouble than I’d like to admit, and suddenly it was just… better now. I’m really happy and even though I’m still achey and nervous about recovery im just so much happier than ever before.

I have been eating some leftover trout also, which is very good. I wish I could eat so much trout alllllll day. I’m taking things easy and small for right now though, which technically I should be doing regardless but I cannot help being a piggyman. Only tragedy is I absolutely Cannot have my partner cuddling against me in their sleep because even the slightest pressure on the binding stings.

im really, truly very happy with this. I’m always too scared to talk about my gender and experience online nowadays but I was just so thrilled by this im riding a new surge of confidence and openness. Ive been doing T and listening to my voice drop and body change and in spite of the intrusive thoughts that creep into my head still from time to time saying cruel things to me these changes have brought me nothing but pure joy. I’m very lucky and happy to be surrounded in real life by such supportive friends and family, im very lucky to have gotten this gender care, im a very very lucky duck for where i am in life. Things can often be so difficult in every way but i have these things that make me happy and i am thrilled to change into the form i want and am most comfortable in.

and thank GOD. I don’t have to deal with heatwave breasts ever again. My temperature tolerance ends at 69 degrees and any higher its boiling point. West coast is a nightmare of weather sometimes

4/15/2025, a good titless Tuesday to all who celebrate, and to those who do not I wish just as much joy. Everyone should eat some goodass trout

[queenwille]

Hey, as a non Jewish person I have found your blog rly educational on the conflict and rly appreciate it! I've seen a lot of diff debunking posts related to Hamas and the war but not a lot on the whole Israel stopping aid or Israel supposedly being the ones to violate the ceasefire thing. Do you know a) if there's any merit to those claims b) if they're being misconstrued and/or c) if they're based in antisemitism at all that I should be calling out? Ty!

hey there, missed this amongst all the spam. sorry. i guess you’re no longer here, but i’ll answer anyways, just in case.

i’m glad you’re finding it useful and i appreciate you letting me know, it means a lot! 🫶🏽

a) well, it depends on how you look at it. for example, hamas didn’t go through with literally one of the hostages exchange as agreed. obviously literally no one, but israel, cared and israel was expected to be the bigger man and just “let it go”, as if it didn’t matter and didn’t have real significance to its people. well… israel did consider it as a ceasefire violation each and every time and ,ofc, per usual it was frowned upon by the woke west when israel very carefully reacted to it (worried to lose the remaining hostages of phase A, not of what the west thought, even though it felt ridiculous each time to see them turn the blind eye). then phase A ended and as we all feared, they went into another “yeah ofc we want a deal” and nothing happened for a long while and both sides kept teasing each other until yep, israel officially broke the ceasefire and cut the aid. the israeli government claims that pressuring hamas with military and aid, will force them to take a deal quicker. as an israeli, i do find it extremely important to add that the renewal of the war happened during nighttime (local time) and we literally woke up to the news and were as horrified to learn it. a very large portion of israelis are against what’s happening due to how dangerous it is to our 59 hostages, many of them struggling to stay alive 556 days today. we do believe that a deal is the only way to go.

b) well, the short answer is yes. as i said, some of it is true, but just not accurate. for example, food trucks not reaching in certain parts of gaza due to hamas soldiers taking over the aid trucks once they entered the strip, there were literal videos of it. israel was still blamed for how much aid it lets in, even though it literally didn’t matter bc armed men would stand on it and shoot anyone who’d get anywhere near it. the narrative is so messed up at this point that i’m not sure if they bother trying to check for the truth. what i find amazing is that they usually think we’re uninformed or indifferent over what’s happening over the other side of the border, which is incorrect, but they simply never bother asking for our opinions.

c) idk if it’s rooted in antisemitism, but they sure use it all the time. when they use jewish rhetoric or jewish history such as the holocaust and nazis to offend us, it’s antisemitic. when they cancel jewish history and mock it, it’s antisemitic. when they cancel mizrahi, spharadi, ethiopian, shomroni & other jews by calling all jews europeans its… can you guess what? i could go on, but i guess you get my point.

hope i stayed on topic and didn’t let my adhd take me away, thanks for asking 💙

[daenystheedreamer]

What would've happened if Theon actually had the chance to go join the Night's Watch at the end of "A Clash Of Kings"?

so jon wouldn't have been there when he reaches it, and i think he'd be bitchy and whiny and trying to curry favour and take control to make up for his wounded pride at winterfell. i feel like he could fall in with alliser thorne and janos slynt, or make his own ragtag crew of rapists and murderers that he thinks are funny and goes to mole town and does not respect his vows and sexually harasses satin. by the time jon snow arrives back, i think a) jon immediately kills him after learning about all that happened and gets in major trouble b) jon is so disgusted by theon he defects BACK to the wildlings (crazy lol) c) jon understands that the wildling threat is too important and that he will deal with theon later, like he could use his skills as a bowman in the battle.

after the battle and stannis taking control, i think stannis could use the punishment of theon as leverage to garner jon's support, the same way he does with winterfell and legtimisation and lordship. and i think jon being given the option for revenge would sway him more than the option for winterfell, but he'd still say no.

theon would fall in with alliser thorne and janos slynt i think, mostly cos the other factions would dislike him. i don't think he'd like bowen marsh, i think he'd want to get in with denys mallister but denys mallister is too ironbornphobic (justified in theon's case LMFAO) to accept him, and cotter pyke is 50/50 i think he could have a ironborn to ironborn connection with theon but idk i think he'd HATE theon for being a pompous little lordling who is ironborn only in name. so its janos slynt for theon. once jon becomes lord commander, i think he's either keeping theon where he can see him (friends close enemies closer, which lord commander snow fucking LOVED doing lol) or might send him away to eastwatch just so he doesnt have to see him anymore. and if he gets sent to eastwatch, ramsay intercepts the caravan and steals theon away LOL. destiny will come for theon!

but if theon stays at winterfell, maybe he can prove himself to jon somehow. maybe after seeing jon behead janos slynt he gets the kick in the nuts he needed. maybe he begs leave of jon to find bran and rickon and prove that they are alive, maybe he gets the secret out of sam somehow in his desperation to prove himself innocent (still killed those kids tho). and then you can have him going up north to bloodraven (maybe bloodraven sends him some visions... maybe theyre euron related.....) or going off to rickon and somehow meeting up with davos and wyman and wyman is fully trying to kill him. assuming the boltons still take control of the north.

and maybe theon and jon can frot a bit idk

[moonshynecybin]

What would happen if Marc woke up in a world where sepang never happened...

ooh the classic what would happen if you got everything you wanted scenario… idk i think we could do a time travel sitch, where he gets his ass dumped into his 2013 body and has to set about preventing one of the more` significant little tragedies of his life, but that would also count on marc having the emotional intelligence to think he did ANYTHING wrong in his relationship with vale, and i don’t think he can do that quite yet lol… maybe it has to be a story where he realizes that he couldve handled things differently? in that clip from his recent interview, he talks about how when he was younger he would go flat out every training session but he doesnt feel the need to do so nowww, so maybe hes processing that sort of internal shift while also looking at vale from the perspective of an injured, post-honda marc who has personal knowledge of how hard it is ego-wise to mount a comeback... maybe this inspires some empathy w vale (he's looking at him and realizing THAT vale is only 4 years older than him and hes like. hm...) and the fic ends up being a character study on baby marc vs marc now PLUS actually internalizing all of the lessons he thinks he’s learned… i don’t wanna make this sound like sepang is marc’s fault lol like to be clear i don’t think he did anything WRONG per se, he was just marc level abrasive in ways that specifically rubbed against vale’s tender bits, but i also think that if he handled vale with more care than perhaps some parts of this could have been avoided ! so maybe older marc's presence removes the ranch nasty and the assen nasty (“marc is only my friend when he wins”) and gets vale out of the 'well clearly marc is sabotaging me' mindset. and then at some point marc has to like. TELL vale about all this after sepang has technically passed and vale. perhaps does not handle that well in conjunction w his title loss anyways BUT this version is closer to marc and its a different sort of less public sexy mess....

OR it could be marc gets sent to an alternate reality of 2025 where sepang maybe doesnt happen, but him and vale still kinda implode a little less dramatically and marc is like well this IS what i wanted but it feels hollow as fuck lol. no new, frothing vitriol between them really, like vale will shake his hand and do the same kinda stuff he does w jlo or whatever (vale shows up to the paddock and takes a pic w marc to get reposted on socials bc the press ask and marc is like ??? bc he has never been a somewhat neutral topic to vale before ever in his LIFE… unsure how to deal w the rivalry treatment that jlo or casey or sete get handed. little does he know vale is still insane, he just has less cause to go nuclear lol) butttt marc still had to leave hrc, still alienated from the academy, still breaks his arm… like realizing that sepang isnt this huge axis that the bad things in his life kinda spin on.... and maybe he sets about interrogating all the ways they would’ve broken up even without the heightened melodrama of the sepang race… starts hanging out w vale even though that’s something they Don’t Do Now and vale is surprised but likes it (and is also. still somehow DEEPLY hurt by how everything went down maybe just less specifically delusional/paranoid to cope in conjunction w title loss. idk maybe he won 2015 here and marc was injured for the back half of the season and they both feel weird about kinda drifting apart)... this fic would have lots of fear from them both about the other leaving, the injury stuff, the age stuff--- all the reasons why sepang happened that they never delt with, just without the actual sepang… and i think it could be sweet idk i like it when they’re fucked up but they spend time w each other and it’s like oh it’s you… of course it’s you…. its always been you

[your-local-bi-panic]

Part 2: Sculpt This, Griff

Final Part

Description: You’re peacefully sculpting in your dorm when you get swarmed by notifications on a TikTok live. Is the UConn team actually talking about your artistic abilities?

Warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your screen goes black as the live ends, leaving you staring at your reflection in the camera — flushed cheeks, clay-streaked fingers, and a slightly dumbfounded look on your face.

“…what just happened,” you mutter to yourself, tossing your phone down and flopping back on the floor.

One second you were sculpting in peace, the next you were going toe-to-toe with Aubrey Griffin on a live in front of thousands of people — and not just arguing. Flirting. Hard.

Your phone buzzes again.

A text. Unknown number.

[Unknown Number]

You’re a menace. But I’m kinda obsessed. 😌

You blink, heart skipping. Then another message comes in.

[Unknown Number]

It’s Aubrey btw. Don’t block me. Unless it’s part of your sculpting process or whatever.

You sit up, snort-laughing. Before you can even respond, she sends a third.

[Aubrey Griffin]

Seriously though. That was fun. We should actually do something. You, me, some clay… we can see whose “art has more depth.”

You type, pause, then delete. Then type again:

[You]

Only if you promise not to bring crayons this time.

A beat. Then:

[Aubrey Griffin]

No promises. I like to express myself in vibrant primary colors.

You roll your eyes, but your cheeks are already aching from grinning.

Then a final message pops in.

[Aubrey Griffin]

Saturday? You teach me how to not embarrass myself artistically. I’ll bring snacks.

[You]

Deal. But I take payment in coffee and humility.

[Aubrey Griffin]

Humility? That sounds fake. But I’ll try for you.

Saturday afternoon.

You hear the knock before you even finish tying up your apron. You wipe your hands on a towel and open the door to find Aubrey leaning against the frame, hoodie sleeves pushed up, hair in a bun, and a cocky little grin on her face.

“You ready to lose?” she says.

You raise an eyebrow. “You brought the crayons, didn’t you.”

She pulls a jumbo pack out of her hoodie pocket like she’s presenting a rare artifact. “The deluxe set. With glitter.”

You snatch them, toss them onto your desk. “Disqualified.”

She laughs and steps inside, eyes widening as she takes it all in. Your dorm’s been transformed — shelves full of ceramic bowls, handmade mugs, a corner stacked with sketches, a massive canvas-in-progress propped against the wall. Half a dozen half-finished clay pieces sit on a table near the window, bathed in soft light.

“Whoa,” Aubrey says softly, turning in a slow circle. “This is… like, an actual artist’s studio. I thought I was stepping into a dorm.”

You smirk. “Yeah, well, some of us have hobbies that don’t include trash-talking on TikTok lives.”

“Bold of you to call yourself humble,” she teases, then nods toward the small easel you’ve set up. “Alright, let’s get this over with. Portrait time?”

You hand her a pencil and paper. “Try to capture the essence of my soul.”

She squints at you, dramatically. “Mmm… chaos. And maybe caffeine.”

Twenty minutes later, you're holding in laughter as Aubrey reveals what looks suspiciously like a stick figure wearing hoop earrings.

You hold yours up beside it — her, drawn in soft graphite lines, detailed and focused, somehow both casual and intimate. She stares at it for a long moment. “...Okay, rude. That’s actually good.”

You shrug. “Told you I’d win.”

She’s still looking at the drawing when she says, quieter, “How do you do that?”

You glance up. “Do what?”

“Make it look like someone’s… real. Like they exist on the paper.”

You pause. Then shrug your shoulders as a light blush makes its way up your neck.

Aubrey takes one more lap around your room, pausing in front of a painting with thick brushstrokes and colors that blend like storm clouds and sunlight. “You did all of this?”

You nod, a little sheepish despite the pride in your chest. “Yeah. I mean… I didn’t sleep much last semester.”

She crouches by a shelf of small sculptures — little bowls, abstract figures, a few animals mid-motion. Her fingers ghost the edge of a lopsided mug. “Okay, you weren’t kidding. You are the best artist at UConn.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Is that an apology?”

She grins. “It’s a surrender.”

Then she turns toward you, head tilted just slightly. “Teach me?”

You blink. “Wait, seriously?”

Aubrey shrugs, suddenly bashful. “I mean… yeah. If you want. I’m not promising a masterpiece, but—”

“I didn’t think you could ask for help.”

Her mouth drops open in mock offense. “Wow. Clay to the face.”

You laugh and gesture to the little workstation by the window. “Come on then, art girl.”

She takes the seat beside you, knees bumping yours, her leg warm against yours even through jeans. You hand her a chunk of clay and she holds it like it might explode. You try not to smile too much.

“We’ll start simple,” you say, reaching for your own piece. “We’ll make a dinosaur.”

She blinks. “A what?”

You’re already shaping the base. “Everyone’s first clay animal ends up looking like a dinosaur anyway. Might as well lean into it.”

She laughs. “That’s fair.”

A few minutes in, she’s pressing too hard, fingers smushing the shape into something… vaguely tragic. You scoot closer, shifting behind her a bit.

“Here,” you say softly, slipping your hands around hers, “let me show you.”

She stills. Her breath catches just slightly when your fingers close over hers, guiding them gently over the clay.

“Less pressure,” you murmur, “just enough to shape it.”

Your voice is right by her ear now, and you feel her relax into the motion, shoulders unwinding under your touch. You keep your hands there for a few more moments, pressing your thumbs over hers to smooth the ridge of what might become the dino’s back.

Then you slowly let go.

“Okay,” you say, leaning back, “your turn.”

She keeps going, more focused now, tongue caught between her teeth. “I think he’s coming together.”

You nod approvingly. “He’s got character.”

“Wait—damn.” One of the legs starts tilting to the side, making the whole thing slouch. “Okay, rude. He’s trying to die.”

You lean in again, nudging the base gently. “Not on my watch.”

Aubrey’s hand bumps yours as you both try to fix it, your fingers brushing, clay smearing across her knuckle. She glances at you, something flickering in her eyes.

You raise a brow. “You’re messy.”

She swipes a streak of clay across your cheek without missing a beat. “So are you.”

“Ohhh. That’s how it is?”

The next thing you know, you’ve got a smear of clay-water on her jaw, and she’s laughing as she retaliates, a bit of clay landing right on your shoulder.

And just like that, it’s chaos.

Water drips across your apron, clay smudges in places clay should not be, and you’re both trying to sculpt and sabotage at the same time. But somehow — somehow — the little dinosaur makes it through.

He’s a little uneven, a little droopy, but adorable in the way only a battle-hardened clay creature could be.

Aubrey looks down at it, then over at you, grinning. “Not bad for our first kid.”

You laugh, the words slipping out before you can catch them. “We’ll put him on the fridge.”

She leans in, just slightly, eyes still on you. “You’d let me near your fridge?”

You meet her gaze, a little breathless. “Maybe.”

She doesn’t say anything right away, but she doesn’t pull back either. Your knees are still touching. Her hair’s falling slightly in her face, and there’s a streak of clay on her jaw you could definitely wipe away — if you weren’t afraid touching her would undo you.

The air between you shifts, thick with something unspoken.

And yet… she just smiles. Picks up the dinosaur gently and sets it on your desk like it’s sacred.

“Same time next week?” she asks casually, like she didn’t almost make your heart stop.

You nod. “Yeah. For sure.”

She starts to stand, but not before brushing her fingers over your wrist, feather-light.

Then she’s gone.

And you’re left staring at the door, breath stuck somewhere in your throat, with clay on your cheek and a little dinosaur on your desk who saw everything.

Next Saturday, late afternoon.

You’ve barely set your brushes down when there’s a knock at the door. You already know who it is — your stomach’s been doing that thing all day. You open the door, and there she is: Aubrey, paint-stained hoodie, curls loose today, holding an iced coffee in one hand and a tiny plastic bag in the other.

“For our son,” she says, wiggling the bag.

Inside? A mini paint set and a tiny foam brush.

You blink. “You got him his own supplies?”

“Excuse me,” she says, stepping inside, “but if he’s going on display, he needs to pop. I thought we agreed he was gonna be a star.”

You close the door behind her, already grinning. “What did you name him?”

Aubrey sets down the supplies and shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Blorbo.”

You stare. “Blorbo?”

“It’s his vibe.”

You lose it, leaning on your desk as you laugh. “Our child is doomed.”

But before long, you’re both seated side by side again, paint pots open, paper towels laid out (not that you’ll use them), and Blorbo the Dinosaur front and center like a king about to get his royal paint job.

“He’s going blue,” Aubrey announces, dipping the brush into the paint. “Because he’s cool under pressure.”

You snort. “That’s your reasoning?”

“Also it’s the only color I know how to use without making a mess.”

Five minutes in, you’re already laughing because Blorbo looks like he’s mid-makeover and panicking about it. Aubrey’s trying to do clean edges but keeps overdoing it.

“Careful—you're giving him a racing stripe,” you tease, reaching out to smooth the paint with your brush. Your hand brushes hers again. She doesn’t move away.

You both freeze for half a second, eyes flicking up to meet. Then—

“I meant to do that,” she says, too fast.

“Sure you did.”

She dabs a light blue dot on Blorbo’s back, smug. “Highlight. Boom. Natural talent.”

You tilt your head. “That’s actually not bad.”

“Say it louder.”

You roll your eyes and reach for the spot she missed. She moves closer to see better, and now her shoulder’s pressed against yours. You don’t say anything about it. Neither does she.

“I’m just saying,” she murmurs as she watches you work, “if this whole sculpting prodigy thing doesn’t work out, you could always start a custom dinosaur business.”

You raise an eyebrow. “With you as my business partner?”

“Obviously. I’m the branding.”

You lean back, inspecting Blorbo. “Okay. He’s kind of adorable.”

“He’s thriving,” Aubrey says. Then she dips her brush in water, looks at you mischievously, and flicks it—just barely—so a drop hits your cheek.

You gasp. “You did not.”

Her grin is dangerous. “You looked too clean.”

Without thinking, you swipe your brush across her forearm — a streak of blue, bright and bold.

She blinks. “Okay. War.”

The next few minutes are a blur of laughter and chaos — water splashes, streaks of paint, and somehow a dab ends up on the tip of your nose. Aubrey’s laughing so hard she nearly knocks over the water cup, and you end up both trying to catch it, your hands colliding.

You’re both breathless now, flushed, still too close. Paint clings to your skin, your clothes, your shared little world of brushes and ceramic dinosaurs and unspoken tension.

She looks at you — really looks — and something shifts again.

“You’ve got…” She reaches up slowly, fingers brushing your cheek. “Paint. Right here.”

Her touch lingers just a second too long.

You swallow. “So do you.”

You press your thumb gently to her jawline, wiping away a smear of pale blue. Neither of you move.

You could kiss her.

You could.

But instead—

“Blorbo’s judging us,” you say, voice soft and teasing.

She grins, leaning in a little closer. “He’ll get over it.”

And then… maybe she doesn’t kiss you.

But it’s damn close

——

Blorbo is officially complete.

He’s a little shiny from the sealant, his ocean-blue body dotted with careful light blue spots, and he looks like the proud, paint-covered child of two artists who had way too much fun arguing over how many dots was “too many.”

You both sit back, admiring him from across the desk.

“He’s a masterpiece,” Aubrey says, brushing dried paint from her wrist. “A little lopsided still, but that’s personality.”

You nod solemnly. “Like his mom.”

She throws a paint-stained napkin at you. “Rude. I’m the artistic one.”

You snort. “Right. You painted the left eye crooked.”

“He was blinking!”

Still grinning, Aubrey leans forward, resting her chin in her hand as she looks at Blorbo. “Okay, real talk… can I take him back with me?”

You glance at her, surprised. “Seriously?”

She nods. “Joint custody. But he should stay at my place first. First artistic child and all.”

You pretend to consider. “Only if you promise visitation rights.”

“Obviously. You can see him weekends and holidays.”

“Mm. Every other Wednesday too.”

“Deal.”

Back in Aubrey’s dorm.

She carefully places Blorbo on her dresser, centered like he’s royalty. She even adjusts a lamp slightly to give him better lighting.

“Look at him,” she whispers to herself. “Our perfect son.”

Before she can revel too long, the dorm door opens and in come a few of the basketball girls — KK, Nika, and Aaliyah, loud and laughing already.

“Aubreeeyyy,” KK sings. “Where’s the masterpiece?”

“I brought him back,” Aubrey says proudly, stepping aside.

They crowd around the dresser.

“Wait,” Nika says, squinting at Blorbo. “You made this?”

Aubrey shrugs casually. “Yeah. With help.”

“With a lot of help,” Aaliyah adds, eyeing her.

KK squints. “No way you did those details. You can barely draw a stick figure.”

“Excuse me?!”

They don’t buy it — and before long, KK’s already pulling out her phone. “We’re going live. People need to see this.”

Live on TikTok.

The comments explode instantly. People remember the last live. The teasing. The tension. The energy.

KK turns the camera toward the dino. “Everyone, meet Blorbo. Aubrey’s son. Also maybe the real star of the show.”

Nika leans in. “He’s like… actually cute. Which is sus.”

“Suspicious because there’s no way Aubrey made something this good,” KK laughs.

“Okay,” Aubrey defends herself, stealing the phone, “first of all, rude. Second of all…”

She turns toward the screen with a smirk and hits accept.

The screen splits. Your face pops up.

The comments go feral.

There’s no greeting. Aubrey just holds up Blorbo dramatically. “Say hi to your other parent.”

You blink. “Is this a custody check-in?”

KK howls off-camera. “YES! We’re trying to figure out which one of you actually made him!”

You shrug innocently. “He has my brushstroke genes.”

Aubrey gasps. “He got your chaos. That was your light blue splatter!”

“He thrives in that environment.”

“Hmm,” she smirks. “Well, just so you know, he’s sleeping on my side of the dresser. You get him next weekend.”

“Oh, we’re doing weekends now? What about mid-week playdates?”

Aubrey grins. “We’ll set up a calendar.”

The team in the background is living for it — loud, dramatic reactions, fake sobs, KK pretending to officiate a custody hearing. And the fans? They’re already clipping the live, comments pouring in faster than anyone can read.

“BLOBRO FAMILY SUPREMACY”

“just kiss already omg”

“when’s the custody swap vlog??”

“@UConnWBB pls give them a reality show”

“this isn’t about a dinosaur anymore is it 👀”

Aubrey looks back at the camera, her smile soft now. “Okay, but like… for real. He turned out so cute.”

You nod. “We did good.”

She catches your gaze through the screen, just a little longer than needed. “We really did.”

“I think he'll need a sister though”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any requests please fill free to send them in. 😁😁

[goatpaste]

Do you think P7 is actually good or is it overhyped? I think too many people considering it the best part overlook loads of its flaws and how badly a lot of characters arcs ended by the end (Soundman and HP being the most egregious)

Personally, its not my favirote part

If I had to rank? P8>P4>P6>P7>P3>P1>P5>P2 (not ranking P9 as it is not in completion at this time but I really like it and probably would but it floating around P7s slot)

Like, its got some great bones (no pun intended) With a generally fun concept and world/story set up. With a few icks (ie Lucy Steel's deal) I was a fan of what Araki was cookin.

I really really love the main four, I think Araki did a great job giving Gyro and Johnny character plot while not totally overshining either one like he tends to struggle with in other parts. I wish he had done much more with Hot Pants and Diego, truly i mean this. I think those two, ESPECIALLY Hot Pants had such potentially to be a really deeply rich character. Everyday I mourn my head world were Diego, HP and Lucy travel togeather as a B plot for SBR.

BUT its about the halfway point of the story where Lucy and Funny Valentine get introduce that i feel like the story falls apart. Like FV is a character that on basic knowledge of him that he was 'a jojo flavored nationalistic american president' I was like that sounds hilarious. But after getting through the part i find him one of the least interesting villians. Like beyond how poorly handled Lucy Steel is and his interactions with her, I just find him extremely uninteresting. The only saving grace he has is that his stand is interesting in design and power.

And yeah the ending is kind of a mess imo. I think... SIGH see i feel very mixed for the ending. On one hand i love a tragedy, i think the fact that they all lost in a way is so bittersweet but so good for sbr general vibe. But i dont think like it always feels like it works. For Gyro it works best, he's winning in his lost because he doing it for johnny. But then you tend to forget why he was doing this in the first place until they do their wrap up at the end where the Zeppeli's are gone, the country is gone, and that little boy died of the sickness anyways. Like idk, it just feels silly at that point.

And HP and Diego would have hit SOOOO hard if we got to let their shit marinate throughout SBR....GODDD if the anime allows them more screentime im gonna go ape insane... Like i know we know their tragedy and their place back in the front through right before their end but.. idk i wish HP's ending wasnt so.. idk empty? Diegos is closer to satisfying, this is the final act of a desperate man who i s dying to get victory. He dies thinking he has won. that means something, its tragic but its something.... then they bring in the alternate Diego who sucks and is just Normal Diego but worse. its a version of Dio and Diego that is just worse.

Then Lucy gets thrown around the story to be a half dressed sex object. like man... She coulda been so much more

I love the first half of SBR, and the second half has some stuff in it when its just johnny and gyro that i still like. But its kinda of a mess and really its like

If you like this part, that is fine i can understand why. But almost 60% of the time SBR fans love to talk about how good it is and then never mention the problems with it especially when reccomending it to other ppl... OR LORD the amount of ppl i've seen jump to defend it is insane.

How everytime i've gone 'hey yknow its kinda weird how Lucy is married to a 50 year old man' and everyone immediately jumps to

'it was the way things where back then!'

The part literally starts with someone commenting on how weird her age is for their marriage. Also its jojo's this whole part is full of inaccuracy for the time, the horses and also theres magic ghost.

'its just a pretend marriage!'

Then why are there that weird scene of her and Steel kissing? why they did that? what was the point of that? also there is still Mountain Tim, Funny Valentine, Scarlet Valentine, and Alt Diego.

or when i talk about how Araki goes from drawing her like something i could believe in 14 yr old girl to drawing her like an adult woman half dress like shes popular slut club

Ppl got mad at me for that saying 'thats just puberty!' which yes puberty can act really fast and you can develop wildly. but like... doesnt sbr take place over 3-4 months and this doesnt change her outfit to suddenly be less clothing puberty didnt undress her.

but anyways. I get really grumpy about Lucy's treatment, and how SBR fans often love to not see an issue with it. Its a fine part, i dont hate that part in full. Its frustrating! it really is frustrating. What's good its fun and good. but what sucks really sucks

[0chill-dude]

my brother: heyy, I got the groceries! Why did you ask for a cupcake mix I though you didn't like them?

me, giggling like an idiot while mixing oil and water into the mix: Oh well I guess my taste change a little recently, who knows

[triglycercule]

horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

[bucephaly]

People love finding random natives online and dumping their family story on them expecting a reassuring 'of course you're native!!' Lol

Sorry, if you don't wanna reconnect why would you even mention your supposed apache or whatever ancestry. If you aren't connecting to the tribe what does it even matter. 'I find it interesting' so you're using supposed native ancestry as a fun fact to make you look more interesting? How is that different than any other 'great grandma cherokee princess' person. Especially since you apparently have time to research the history of all your ancestral cultures but you don't have time to do genealogy

And of course when I tell them 'assume the stories are fake until you've got actual proof' they block me.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

There's more:

-Tiffany is not only the yoga and skin care girlie but she's the ‘ooo here is some tigers eye for luck’ girlie.

-About 30% of her antics is to mess with people but she does low-key believe in the power of positive thought as she firmly believes if you believe in it, it happens.

-I said in the notes she gets a lap dog I lied she goes to get Titus with Damian and comes out with this big old mutt rescued from some asshole she named Pookie. Its the ugliest and biggest dog ever with so much hair. She loves it and its such a good puppy for her.

-Tiffany hates pretending to be CEO and happily shoves it off onto Bruce when he's back. She's going back to what matters. Fashion!

-Tim and Tiffany bond first. She’s so utterly civiliajnits off putting but Tim honestly finds himself at ease with her. I'd probably lean towards a more fan on idea of Tim in that he's a lonely kid who always dreamed of siblings and tbh Tiffany here is what he pictured.

-Damian I think is torn. Since this is happening when he first comes to Gotham he's not only dealing with the whole ‘wait my Father didn't know about me and Mother lied’ thing, but now he has the fact he isn't the only blood child. It helps she's a girl (thanks Ra’s for the sexism) and that she doesn't care about anything but Fashion. Its still hard. They really start bonding when Bruce disappears and she butts in about things.

The two end up bonding over art and animals. Plus the face mask and yoga are nice...

-I’ve said Dick Grayson is a bit of a douche and I will say it again. Guy means well but he's in the position of having a degree of power he takes for granted. Tiffany does not respect him as Nightwing. She does not respect him as a hero. To her he's her brother and she will call him out on his shit. She hears about sleeping with Babs when he was engaged to Kori? Oh man she is not happy. Its the past, they moved on. Its fine. But she is not pleased.

And I think its a shock for Dick because again he is used to having this degree of power. He's one of the first sidekicks, someone who managed to get a lot of people to like him. He's used to being listened to.

Tiffany, who enjoys going “Richard, you dick” at him has no respect for him beyond him being a skilled man who carries a lot of shit on his shoulders. And I think its good for him. Even his other siblings had respect for him as a hero and the first one. Tiffany doesn't. And it really makes him have to explain his thoughts to her more which makes him think things through. They do end up being close after Bruce comes back though.

-Tiffany and Jason don’t get along for a while. Jason isn't sexist but he does kinda think little of Tiffany in the sense he thinks she’s a selfish rich person. He's not… wrong exactly. He's not RIGHT either though. Tiffany is a fairly self absorbed person who'd rather shop then not. However she is a caring person who she deems you worthy of her care. She likes shoes, she likes her expensive stuff. But she will also be the girl pretending to know you when you have a stalker or she finds out you got dumped on your birthday she is buying you that cute skirt babe, and that bag.

I think it would take Jason seeing her kindness for him to understand. On her part, Tiffany is leery of Jason. She doesn't hate him no, but she is nervous around him.! At first. Then she finds out he likes literature and Jane Austen. She ambushes him for help with a period dress she's making and help with her stupid literature class that her tea Cu er is the kind of dick who wants you to write HIS interpretation of the story not yours. They bond that way.

-Cass and Tiffany are best friends. Tiffany always wanted a sister. She has one now! Cass enjoys how open and honest Tiffany is. Plus its nice to like NOT with a civilian. All Cass needs to worry about is Tiffany trying to cook. Girl can make smoothies. That's it.

-When Duke comes in the picture Tiffany would take him under her wing and be the best big sister.

-Tiffany is the girl to wake up at 5 for her yoga and has in fact wrangled in the Batclan to join her. Hey it helps after patrol.

-Tiffany has a vlog. She posts mostly yoga and fashion designs. But she also now posts videos of the Waynes and it is so much fun.

-Tiffany has ways of subtly letting you know when she’s low-key annoyed.

“Richard you dick” is one.

“Dami-baby,” is another.

“Caaaaaaaas,” is a fourth.

“Jason you zombie,” is a fifth.

“Tim-tam-bim-bam,” is a sixth.

“Brucie-Goosie,” is a seventh.

“Mr. Pennyworth.” is the eighth.

-Tiffany looks like Bruce. Black hair, blue eyes. She keeps her hair hip length and takes good care of it. She has cried about it in the past and has a semi-traumatic memory of her mother cutting her hair off as a child because of some punishment.

-Tiffany will not respond to Tiff. She was called Tiff by her mother and it turned into ajninsult by kids at school. Ooh Tiffany is in a Tiff.

-Tiffany loves pink and has no shame. Her dream car is a pink Corvette. She refuses tinker Bruce buy it though. She’ll take his money but this is her dream car. She will buy it herself.

-Tiffany loves Galas. Or she did until she went to one. Now she low-key sees how often she annoys people with her antics and has upped her vapid behaviour to piss people off. She still likes how glamorous they are though.

-”Red Robin? Really Tim?”

“Well what else is there?”

“Crow, Magpie, Raptor, the list goes on babe.”

“… Crow sounds cool.”

“And you can still wear your crushes colours.”

“Kon isnt-”

-Side note this has no Tim/Kon. I like timber better here because I like the image of conspiracy theorist Bernard and Tiffany encouraging it. She vlogs with him!

-Tiffany has in fact worn heart-shaped sunglasses at the pool.

-Tiffany and her girl friends have taken over the manor at least five times for girls nights. If any of the boys wander in they get dragged into it. Dick can't paint nails worth a damn but he's fantastic at make-up. Damian does nails perfectly. Jason currently has a rivalry with one of Tiffany’s friends who loves Jane Austen. Tim is the gossip king and revenge planner. Duke when he's there is just good at advice.

Bruce got dragged in once and learned way to much about how the college did not protect their girls while also learning about who is cheating on who in their social circles. He helped fund better security at the college and avoids them like the plague after that.

-Im leaning towards OC boyfriend right now. He's gonna be a football player himbo who is named Steve I think.

Fic title: Elegance, Splendor and Grace

Okay so you know the whole joke of Brad Wayne, the frat boy son of Bruce?

Make it Tiffany Wayne.

Tiffany in this AU is a normal college girl who loves make-up, shoes, fashion and dreams of being a designer. She actually does make her own clothing.

She is Bruce’s daughter after her mother decided to baby trap the man. However Bruce took in Dick when Tiffany’s mom got pregnant. Tiffany’s mom decided to lie in wait until she could use Tiffany as a bargaining chip.

Tiffany here doesn’t like her mom for multiple reasons and one was the systematic put downs regarding the girl’s interests (Mother dear wanted a child to be CEO and shit).

Now I’m thinking Dick was 9 when Tiffany was born, and he’s 29 now. Tiffany is in college in Gotham with plans to switch to a fashion school once she can land a scholarship or earn money. (Her mother refused to pay unless she took business and loans suck. Even in Gotham where Wayne Enterprises pays a lot of scholarships)

This is when Damian comes in. And Tiffany’s mom instantly comes forward. Tiffany thinks her mom is bullshitting. She’s rolling her eyes and sighing.

“I am so sorry,” Tiffany tells Bruce Wayne privately. “She’s obsessed with me somehow being a CEO or whatever and like is so controlling. Hates my passions and like it’s so annoying.”

(Unknown to her Bruce would have given her money to run off to some fashion school even if the DNA test came back negative after that.)

Surprise! Tiffany is a Wayne. Bruce offers to pay for what SHE wants and a place in the manor. She takes it to get the fuck away from her mom who flips her kid but Tiffany says ‘yeah fuck you’.

There is the drama of ‘oh come on she just wanted what was best for you’ from the public. Tiffany ignores it and happily takes Bruce’s money to begin making her fashion portfolio.

I think as well that this drastically changes the Batfam dynamics. Because Tiffany is not and will never be a bat.

I have an image of her halfway through her skin routine, looking for Tim (who stole her toner for little brother pest reasons) stumbling into the Batcace and going ‘so much makes sense’ and then asking if she wants to join.

“Ew,” Tiffany made a face. “No thanks.”

And Tiffany might have a more level head then her mom but she is 100% the ‘yoga and smoothie’ girl who loves her Prada and shoes. She is slurping on her greens and doing her nails while in the Batcave cause she won’t admit she’s lonely when they’re down there.

She makes Damian do face masks and ‘do yoga to sort out your chakra’ (Part of this is actually to fuck with him a little but also cause she does know he has issues even before the whole ‘assassin cult’ shit.) while dragging Tim into relaxation time or telling Dick to get his eldest daughter syndrome in check when he oversteps boundaries.

She ropes Cass into girls nights and is just a nice person.

When Bruce vanishes she reluctantly steps in to be the face of Wayne Enterprises while begging Tim for help cause she can get half the shit they’re saying babe.

I do think her advocation for mental health (even in her weird yoga, granola way) helps with Damian’s… Damianess while Bruce is missing. She sure as hell would not approve of him going out. 1) “Oh my god Richard, you dick, didn’t you bitch about you losing Robin? Bruce told me. Why ar you doing it to your brother hmm?” 2) “You know the kid was in a murder cult? How about we work on that before letting him stab people again.” And 3) “That is a whole ass 10 year old. I am putting my damn foot down.”

But anyway! There is an honest talk cause ‘talking stick time’ and Tim explains why he thinks Bruce is alive (Dick: Tim- Tiffany: Jason came back to life babes. Dick: But- Tiffany: Richard you dick-) and while they don’t believe him they agree him going to look doesn’t do harm. The whole Robin thing is shelved because Damian does need more therapy first.

(Alfred gets a chewing out because “I heard you’re a good man and maybe you are but I also heard fucked up shit. How about you try and not override our choices and give Damian that suit.” Look we love Alfred but he wasn’t the greatest in canon. And I think the suit thing he did was messed up. And Tiffany makes sure he knows it.)

Anyways-

Summary: Bruce Wayne has another bio kid. And this one won’t be a hero anytime soon thank you. She has fashion to consider.

Pairings: BatCst, Timber, Dick/Barbara (don’t know the ship name), Jason/Roy. Tiffany gets a boyfriend but I’m not sure if OC or I should go through the characters to pick one. Cass/Harper to.

[lilacandladybugs]

i LOVE women and im a christian and sometimes reading commentaries on the Bible makes me feel fucking crazy stay safe out there girls

[casbastian]

Real, gonna add a couple of my own thoughts bc.. i can

I wish they had more time for side characters, some of them at least deserved background cameos at the end if nothing else

And the main ship… i will forever believe Maddie and Caspian should’ve been sibling coded i stg

Honestly if i couldve seen maddie, justine and caspian as a friend group i think it wouldve healed my soul bc justine hates caspian for some unclear reason (maybe he was an ass to her on that call before she called maybe, would make sense given the context) it wouldve been funny as hell having them both be frenemies but besties with maddie. This is turning into a rant about how much i want this but idc, theyre all “loser” only children with no friends outside each other PLEASE it wouldve been the cutest case of found family ever

Speaking of family i wouldve died, DIED to see cary and caspian make up and cary get a chance to finally be a good dad to caspian, him just dipping from the plot WOUNDED MEA (at least he got a proper send off, sorry justine

The amount of side characters who just blipped out of existence in season 2 will never not hurt me

Jesus im being negative as well.. uhh.. positive things is i really liked how they animated maddies hair, i liked mists :3 faces, caspian as a character just >>> i love a man i can kin and simp for at the same time.

I rlly liked Chandas demon form. Tbh i wish more characters got redesigns/ alternate forms. Mainly the UIs, chanda being the only one to really self actualize his appearance feels like wasted potential to me.

Tbh theres just a lot of characters i wish we could’ve seen more of and get in their head better

Maddies grandma existing in ep one and then never existing again 😔

Reminds me like.. the maddie being bullied thing felt so important at the start but then it’s entirely resolved in one episode. Not saying i enjoyed seeing her getting bullied cuz i definitely didnt but it felt.. idk like what was the point if it was gonna be wrapped up so soon? Not that i can think of a better way to have handled it lol

Speaking of bullying what was nicoles deal 😭 i NEED to know why she’s beefing with caspian so hard because she fucking HATES him. I guess he’s just the classic autistic “quiet kid” and hes getting all the stigma that comes with that

Another thing is you could argue that a LOT of characters in this show especially in the main cast are autistic. Also a lot of characters are kind of assholes lol… so a ton of autistic assholes. We love that tbh (not David tho, autistic maybe but he was patient even with casp post time skip and 💀 bro i mean given the situation he probably couldnt afford to get angry about it considering the task at hand, but I certainly wouldve had something to say) in all seriousness tho i do love how autistic coded a lot of characters seem it makes me happy.

The animation is.. inconsistent in quality at times

Every once in a while (this isnt a great example but its what i have saved) theyll have the characters move their heads a bit or smth to be more fluid ig but there isnt enough frames or smth so it looks choppy. Other times it looks amazing but i can think of at least two times, both in s2, one with pope and one with casp where that happens (pope talking with renee at that bar and caspian talking to maddie on the plane while he’s comparing mist to a tumor)

I have more takes i just worry im being mostly negative at this point and while i could come up with more positive things to say as well, its getting late, or early depending on how you look at it 💀

Gn/gm all my lovelies and if you haven’t seen pantheon.. go watch it rn i stg we’re gonna fight if you don’t 👊 💥 /lh

Assorted Pantheon thoughts

Just recently finished watching the show and wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere, full spoilers under the cut

Going to be forever salty with how poorly this series was treated by AMC, between being stuck on their shitty streaming service and being written off for tax purposes

Overall I think the first season is a bit stronger than the second, the emotional hook of Maddie's relation with her dad was amazing and I don't think the second season was able to get something quite as compelling

that said I do think it was the right call to kill off David at the end of the first season

In general I feel the first two episodes are an incredible start

One of the best complements I can give to the first two episodes is that they were able to get my mom who never watches animated stuff like this onboard with the show

Chanda's uploading scene was disturbing in the best way possible

I really liked Chanda's role in the first season even when he turns in an antagonist you can understand his logic and motivations

Unfortunately he felt underutilized in season 2

Wonder if Chanda and the others could have fought Holstrom alongside Caspian, they could still have the same fate but it would make them feel like they have more of a contribution instead of something that needs to be gotten out of the way before the main event

The direction of the show was consistently amazing, a few moments that stood out to me was Chanda looping the virtual office, Laurie's message getting cut off transitioning to the credits of episode 7, Caspian exploring Yair's removed memories, and Maddie with all the simulated realities in dyson sphere

In general I feel like they did I good job making the digital world feel different from the real world with the editing, the more actiony fight scenes for the uploaded characters, and the more crazy digital character designs both before and after the 20 year time skip

In particular I like how the fight at the end of season one looked with Chanda and David modifying their appearances, exemplified that the feeling of difference between the worlds really well

Caspian's fake abusive family was really interesting to watch play out over the first half of season 1 and the reveal of him being a clone felt shocking yet makes perfect sense

really liked the unstated horror that Hanna/Rachel was probably going to be killed to push Caspian

I need merch of rice cooker MIST yesterday

Seriously look at her

Middle of season two felt maybe a little formulaic, with them trying to find a UI that would be the right one to cure over several episodes

That said I feel the ideas they explored with the various UI's where really interesting so I don't think its that big of an issue

From what I understand the show was always meant to be two seasons and the cancellation did not effect that, but I really wish the last two episodes could have been a whole season, there is so much interesting stuff going on there

Though I am impressed how much they managed to fit in those two episodes, in particular I liked seeing what Maddie was doing over the 20 years

Really wish we could have gotten a scene of Maddie deciding to upload if nothing else

definitely plan to rewatch the show at some point to see what I catch on a second go around

it might sound like I am being a bit more negative on season two, but I still really enjoyed it, and it got me thinking a lot, especially the last two episodes

Overall I would give it a 9/10

Seriously fuck AMC

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!

[linktube]

i think its some of damiens responsiblity to think what kinda relationship he cultivaded with his fans. and why is centering his need for explaning, defending and further protecting his self/image is his knee jerk reaction. unless you do those things a social media break is just another way of image management. plus it wont feel better when you come back and you are still centering your image which causes you too act defensive/childish. you cant support things thru acts of fear and nervousness and not expact them to crumble! i know people joked abour his virtue signalling in the past, and they are jokes, but its a curious thing people notice that around him enough to point that out. i hope he can actually look into that part of himself with a more honest critical lense.also these twitch stream where he wants this magicaly ''positive'' enviroment where people can ''escape'' is just unrealistic at best. this is a livestream where people rush on each other to talk to you. its by nature feeding into these things im afraidi positivity is not the warm blanket you think it is, its more of a trap lol