#but its not for me forever. it was only supposed to be very temporary to begin with but that fell through

[yoshistory]

oh my god 15 days left at this job and im hearing word that at the last minute they're trying to snake back and barter to keep me after i've already mentally fucked off. fuuuuuck

[mildlybizarrecorvid]

Hi! You’re cool and unique and I was wondering how you found people who like you for you and your quirks? Looking back I don’t think anyone’s ever liked me most of the time or made me not feel anxious a lot. I’ve tried to be louder and quiet and dumber and smarter but I just feel so unappealing now.

Is this forever? Is this anxiety over people loving me forever? How do I find another person? How do I feel found?

Sorry for venting! I was just kinda curious since you’re so cool :D !!!!!!!

Honestly I mostly just bumble around and interact further with people who seem to enjoy my interactions

I don’t know whether it’s forever. I know very little, but that experience sounds dreadful and so I dearly hope it is temporary. I suppose the only way to not have its continuance guaranteed would likely be to hope it is forever, as that might grant the capability to find people who do it cause such feeling

There is no need to apologize, the ask box is open for a reason

I apologize if my advice does not aid you

[yuriswitch]

can't stop thinking about the upcoming Madoka movie and how the trailer goes out of its way to imply a very specific tragic ending. On one hand I'm scared shitless, but on another there's something that just makes me doubt it'll simply go where the symbolism says it will. Not just because Madoka as a whole - and not just the Incubators - is deceptive at its core, but also because every other ending was a sudden flip of the situation at the center of the plot. In the original it's the miraculous rewrite of the universe saving Homura from despair, which was then recontextualized as a temporary and minor victory at best, given that Madoka has to sacrifice her mental health for the sake of everyone else's, forever, and the Incubators can always figure out what's going on and how to revert to the most profitable universe.

This meant that Homura had to do something, and once she realized that they'll keep trying to undo the changes even if she kills every single one of them in the barrier, she came up with a new plan and executed the first step of it by suddenly rewriting the universe again, so if this is anything to go by, as well as the marketing claiming that the movie is a "new beginning" rather than the final battle or something, the Incubators will manipulate everyone into fighting against each other and almost create a tragedy using Homura or Madoka's hands. Which will then be upturned again by another miraculous rewrite, yet again not really solving the issue, but not screwing things in the worst way forever either.

The reason why this makes more sense to me is likely because of the role the Incubators play as the general allegory of systemic issues that is supposed to be applied everywhere it fits, including our economic overlord - capitalism. So since the system they created is at the center of everything that happens in the story, it only makes sense that actually ending it would mean addressing that key issue in one way or another, which Kaiten isn't trying to do, as far as I can tell anyway.

Whether I'm right and how long it might take for the girls to unite and find the solution is still a mystery, but either way it certainly seems much more sensible than simply drowning the audience in a more extreme repeat of how Rebellion felt (rather than what it thematically was).

Ultimately, the crux of the issue lies in the difference between a sequence of events and a story, with the latter being everything that the structure, content and presentation of the former says about the topic at hand. It's about the conversation, not just the plot threads. This means, that since the original presented a problem of exploitation and oppression, the story won't truly be over until the origin, moral implications and solution to the aforementioned is found by the characters.

In Madoka, all of this centers around Kyuubey's powers, so regardless of the events themselves, the thematic conversation won't be complete without presenting some means of taking away the Incubators' ability to do their evil deeds, irreversibly and forever. This is, of course, my understanding, but it's not a given that I'm wrong.

So to wrap up, things don't look particularly well, but I guess there's no reason to give up all hope yet

/Kafuka

[sapphire-weapon]

As someone who ships leon and ashley and enjoys reading/consuming taboo topics and relationships in fiction including incestuous ones, it's so funny to me that I don't see eagleone that way at ALL. theyre one of the relationships i purely enjoy for being a cute wholesome romance and who i want to see thriving and happy (albeit i enjoy the tragic love angle too--) and yet they have a sizable age difference and a "power dynamic" (??????) so it's a "proship"... honestly outside of them both having a daddy kink i really dont want to see that with them!!! Its just not what I'm here for. Im here for that in OTHER ships and this was supposed to be my one good one and this is what happens. Lol.

As such I try to just not care when people accuse eagleone shippers of being weird because Im like... well I suppose I AM...... but it is really unfair for the majority of vanilla ones. Honestly I don't think the antis are secret shippers or secret incestuous shippers (...okay maybe like one or two--) I think they just have a "NOTP" or are scared of how much they relate to ashley as you say and are just making excuses for why they hate seeing fanart of them and blocking people who ship them. I notice this in other fandoms where people will say two characters are "sibling coded" and its just their way of saying they don't ship them. It's really weird frankly and they're basically ignoring canon to write worse fanfiction but that's just how it is these days.

personally, it actually blows me away that people think of Leon and Ashley as being "age gap" at all.

in modern day 2023, Leon is 46. Ashley is 39.

that feels really fucking normal to me in terms of ages for a couple LMAO if any of these dumbasses met a couple like that irl out in the wild today, no one would bat an eye. but that would require these people actually leaving the house, so.

the whole "power imbalance" thing is completely disingenuous, too, because people only look at it in the context of the events of the actual game and then pretend like that's going to be the norm for them forever and not, you know, a very unique, atypical, and extreme situation they're in.

but if anyone were to think about it a little bit as opposed to not at all, they'd realize that their power dynamic would shift once they got home, and then shift again once Ashley's dad is out of office -- and when the power dynamic is constantly changing, that's not exactly imbalanced, is it?

Leon has all of the power during the events of RE4make, and Ashley is wholly dependent on him. yes. that's true.

but once they're out of that combat situation and they're back home in DC, Ashley has literally all of the power in the world over him. she outranks him socially, and she theoretically has the power to make his life complete hell in terms of his career if she were to whisper in her dad's ear the right way.

but the title of "president" is a very temporary one, and once those very short few years are over...? neither Ashley nor Leon are in a position to hold any power over each other at all anymore. they just become two regular-ass people trying to fit into each other's lives.

the whole idea behind "Ashley is completely dependent on Leon in RE4make, which means she will always be completely dependent on him" isn't just based on a faulty premise -- it's also really sexist and gross and reduces Ashley to something less than human, because it assumes that she's incapable of autonomous thought.

and it's really funny how it's only the people who hate the ship that actually are problematic in their thought process. they project their internalized misogyny and sexual insecurities onto us.

I am pretty much as deep in the middle of eagleone fandom as a person can possibly be, and I have never known a single one of you fuckers to ship this ship because you have an age gap kink or because you get off on the power dynamics. the only time power dynamics get brought up is when we make knight/queen comparisons -- which actually gives Ashley the greater portion of power.

I mean, yeah, there is the whole thing where a lot of the fandom also is of a mind that there are some daddy issue kinks at play in the ship, but --

I don't wanna hear shit from people about us enjoying daddy kink between Leon and Ashley when literally the entire fucking RE fandom is out here posting pics of shirtless Leon mods and writing the word "DADDY" in giant fucking text at the bottom of the post. goddamn hypocrites.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #104

I didn't do nearly as much today as I thought I was gonna. I had this giant huge list in my mind that included a shower, physical therapy, laundry, dishes, a couple phone calls, steaming some salmon, getting a couple things we need for the house delivered from the internet, working on the thingy that I'm not gonna talk about until it's done, and maybe making some rice pudding.

…But all I managed was the shower, physical therapy, one of the two phone calls, and steaming some salmon. Bah.

I suppose 4 of the 10 things (I'm counting the phone calls as two things) isn't bad, considering that on top of still recovering from sleep deprivation, my body is also throwing a hell of a tantrum over the fact that I'm not actively in the process of building a new human. For me, the amount of loss is about twice as much and for twice as long as what's typical, so the end result is that I lose about 4 times the resources than is normal. And then, of course, there is the pain that occurs throughout this process. Fun, fun.

Supposedly, this process is necessary because human zygotes burrow until they find blood. This causes problems, so it's better to have a layer of it so that they don't burrow too far directly into our flesh. But for a variety of compelling reasons, you can't have a random layer of blood that sticks around for too terribly long without it getting weird and causing other problems, so every once in a while, it's gotta get torn down and rebuilt.

The natural result is that I don't have nearly as much energy as I might otherwise, which is a bit of a bummer. That's all right though. It's only temporary. Ultimately, everything is temporary; even my currently-assigned flesh-vessel ain't gonna last forever. It's the way of things. I'm not sad about it.

I got some new teas and they arrived today. One of them is a decaffeinated black tea with vanilla and nutmeg (which I am about to try!), and the other one is a lychee and rose petal tea. I thought of you when I saw these ones (since it is known that you like the scents of vanilla and also roses), and I thought maybe you'd like them, so I thought to give them a try, just in case someday I might be able to tell you all about how awesome it is, or even share a cup of the stuff with you.

…The vanilla and nutmeg tea is wonderful. I put some honey and milk in it. I really wish I could give you a mug of the stuff. But I can't. So I'll send along the pictures I took for you as I brewed it.

This is the box it came in. It's got a cute little owl on it with teacups for eyes, I guess. I really like owls, especially barn owls, so this is some huge points in its favor, right off the bat, haha!

Here's how it looked before adding milk and honey.

And here's how it looked after adding milk and honey. You'll also see a very curious Hunter. But Hunter is mostly curious because I'm still steaming the salmon, and he thinks that me going to the counter means he's gonna get a tiny piece of salmon. Which, to be fair, is normally a very astute observation on his part, but while the salmon does smell heavenly, it is still not ready, and I therefore do not have any to give to him. Against the law, I know, I know; suppose you better pop by and cart me off to "disappointed cat jail", right? But it's better that he wait than get sick from eating undercooked salmon; I don't think the stuff available at the grocery is sushi-grade, hahaha…

The salmon is done, and it turned out beautifully. I made myself a small bowl of it, for… ya know. Quality assurance purposes. Grilling and pan-frying salmon are also wonderful ways of preparing it, but given how it comes out of the steamer all luscious, juicy, and tender enough to be cut with a spoon, this is by far my favorite preparation method.

…And don't worry; now that it's ready, Hunter was able to get a small piece. But ONLY a small piece; this food is not nutritionally complete for him, so it's important that he eats his usual food instead of filling up on this. Don't worry though - his usual food is made for cats, but it's human grade; it could be argued that they eat better than we do!! Hahaha!

…Wish I could talk to you a bit over a mug of tea and a bowl of steamed salmon with buttered rice and veggies. Wouldn't that be neat. Just for a few minutes. A moment's peace and a good meal for just a few minutes. I imagine it would do wonders for your state of mind. But in the meantime, I'll do my best to carry the vast sense of emptiness that stems from the fact that this is impossible. From there, I'll take that sense of emptiness and pour something so beautiful into it that even you could be proud - just like I do with my trees and my silicone molds. Just, with different materials. You'll see.

Please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write to you again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[bitchlessdino]

i have a "your mutuals as..." question for you! you don't have to answer but i think this is a cool question (:

your mutuals as tropes?

I put a lot of thought into this. it was very fun but stressful for me lol. If I don't mention you it doesnt mean i dont love you but my brain slips or i think theres more i need to know about you <3

@onlyseokmins :childhood friends to lovers bc elv gives off this sweet wholesome vibe that makes you feel like you've known her forever. i can just imagine you being yearned for and bringing this warm sensation in someone's chest. You know everything about each other. You're just this pure light. Someone's safe space. You give nostalgia and also love.

@honeykyeom :Soulmate au; you ever meet someone that is alike you in so many ways? Someone that you somehow miss repeatedly despite breathing the same air, standing in the same town, in the same place. You're somehow always caught in several of the same frame and never met eyes, until you do. It feel like magic. It feels serendipitous but really it's fate. You were always meant to find each other.

@userwoosan :Enemies to lovers SHDGJKGSDJ you're honest, blunt, and true to yourself. I imagine you meeting someone similar like that and it gets hot and heavy, your hate melts into something more vulnerable and real. its sweet and because you've already shown these angry sides of yourselves you otherwise wouldn't show other people, its forever. you're completely just yourselves.

@seokgyuu :You're a holiday fling. Someone that you meet in a foreign place and instantly fall for them the moment your eyes meet. this instant connection that is so rare and unconventional you grip it for dear life. It's also kind of forbidden because it suppose to be temporary but they just fall deeper and deeper for you. the question is do they leave at the end of the trip or do they stay with you, the person they're now irrevocably in love with.

@himbocoups :fake relationship; not only do i remember you saying this is one of you fave tropes (if I'm wrong call me out) but bc of your natural flirty personality, i imagine many falling for you so to stop it once and for all is a fake partner. But not falling for, lets say cheol, a lot harder than you realize bc he's really good at being a fake BF. now you're wishing the fakeness of this all was real.

@multi-kpop-fanfics : FWB to lovers. Zeta is hot so i imagine you getting with someone just as hot and cool with you and not realize it until over spicy times together. Independence is 1st and foremost one of the biggest thing between you and the thought of a relationship happening didn't make that likely. You knew the sexual chemistry was there but realizing there's emotional chemistry, genuine connection, it's scary. But maybe that's exactly what you were unintentionally looking for.

@heartkyeom : Opposites attract; i think about your bias and how he is so much more timid than you in some ways, and you both think there are things you can't do that the other can do, and vice versa. Some people may think you're complete opposites from another but that's ok because you know there's no one else that understands you better than your partner. Your differences are your strengths and what make you both perfect together.

[fruit-of-infidelity]

♱ DIABOLIK LOVERS: Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sakamaki Ryuuto | Ecstasy 03 ♱

⌜ Scene: Yui's Bedroom ⌟

ー There is a knock upon the door. ー

Ryuuto: Mother, might I enter?

Yui: Look who just can’t stay away, nfu. Come in.

ー He does as she says, approaching her. ー

What’s brought you here so late? Have you finally come to your senses and begun to crave me more, like the good old days, hmm?

Ryuuto: To put it bluntly.

Yui: Then, might you be hoping for more one-on-one time with me tonight〜?

( D-Don’t put it like that!! )

ー In response, Ryuuto climbs onto the bed and lays in her arms. ー

( R-Ryuuto-san��!? )

( Why are you resting your head in her lap…? Isn’t it bad enough that you’re climbing into bed with her to begin with!? )

Oh my? As painfully clingy as ever.

You know, I’m surprised how easy it has been coming to you, touching this foreign body. I hope that isn’t telling of how you’ve been going behind my back…

I wonder what’s gotten into you?

Ryuuto: …Won’t you… stroke my hair, Mother? Like you used to?

Yui: ( What is he… )

ーーAah, that’s right, “used to”. Listen well…

You would stay up well-passed your bedtime, Ryuuto, and creep into this very room  of mine, with that very same request, no?

So, painting me the bad guy is in poor taste of you, wouldn’t you say?

( Can you blame me after the other night…!? )

I suppose reliving the memories couldn’t hurt; I’m in a nostalgic mood.

ー She begins to stroke his hair. ー

Ryuuto: Mm… Mmm…

Yui: Ufufu, you know, this almost makes me wish I savoured those times.

Ryuuto: Hmm?

Yui: I hardly had time to relish in these moments with you, with Karl’s sons as centre stage. You don’t blame me for that, do you, Ryuuto?

Ryuuto: Of course I don’t…

Yui: Nfu, good boy.

I knew that you’d know better than to be upset over something that trivial.

ー She begins to run her hand down his body. ー

Ryuuto: Nhm…

Yui: ( Wh-What do you think you’re doing!? )

You’re quite offended on his behalf, don’t you think? I don’t like that one bit. Is it so wrong to want to feel my own son’s heartbeat?

If I rest my hand right here… Nfu, it’s absolutely pounding!

━─┉┈◈ Selection ◈┈┉─━

　　❈  Don’t touch him.

Yui: ( Don’t put your hands all over him like that…! )

Is that anyway to talk to me? You have some nerve…

I can touch him whenever and however I please. I’m the only familiar touch he craves, after all. Isn’t that right, Ryuuto?

Ryuuto: Quite.

Yui: ( B-But…! )

　　❈  I don’t like this… (♥)

Yui: ( I…  don’t like this whatsoever! )

Oh dear, this girl is jealous, can you believe it?

Ryuuto: Jealous? I can’t imagine why.

Yui: Exactly. No one is to blame but yourself for feeling that way.

Although if you’ve led her on, Ryuuto, I almost can’t help but feel sorry in a sense… Ufufu, what a cute thought.

( Even if that was the case, I… I can’t help it… )

━━─┉┈┈◈◉◈┈┈┉─━━

Ryuuto: Mother… Give me your hand, won’t you?

Yui: Nfu. Here, hold it tightly.

ー He grasps her hand… and holds it to his cheek. ー

 Ryuuto: Haa…

Yui: Oh? Do you want me to stroke your cheek, too?

Ryuuto: No…

Just let me feel, once again, this warmth that I have missed*.

Yui: Warmth, you say?

I suppose that’s the one temporary benefit that comes with this body.

Ryuuto: Hmm…

ー Ryuuto brings her hand to his lips, now. And kisses it. ー

Mwah… Let me savour it, before it disappears forever.

Yui: Be my guest.

( …! A kiss… )

( Say… When that warmth “disappears”… Won’t I, too? )

Ryuuto: Might I make one more request, before you retire to bed?

Yui: Go ahead. I can’t not hear you out now.

Ryuuto: …Won’t you tie my hair back for me? I do so hate how knotted it gets when its left down overnight, I must admit…

Yui: ( Tying Ryuuto-san’s hair back... )

( It’s only a small ask but… Is he really this touchy, deep down, after all? )

( Or are you the exception, Cordelia…? )

Ufu…fufufu! I wonder?

Haah, as odd as the request is, you’ve convinced me. Please sit up, then.

ー Ryuuto does just that. ー

Ryuuto: And, please take your time…

Yui: I think I will. I’m enjoying myself, after all. I almost can’t get over how this girl is questioning what pathetic place she has by your side.

( Taunting my feelings like that... That’s just cruel. )

Oh dear. Believe me, we’ve only just begun.

��� TO BE CONTINUED ✥

─────── ≪ °♛° ≫ ───────

←  [ ✥ Ecstasy 02 ✥ ] ⎥ [ ✥ Ecstasy 04 ✥ ]  →

━━─┉┈┈◈ Notes ◈┈┈┉─━━

　　1. This warmth actually hints at potentially being directed at Yui, not at Cordelia, as DiaLover Vampires have repeatedly been said to not have warm hands.

━━─┉┈┈◈◉◈┈┈┉─━━

[boopjuice]

Danny's out wandering the mansion looking for Damian. The smallest in the family has a wicked collection of swords, and he figures Sam would like to learn how to use them, so if he learns a few moves here he can teach them to her when he goes back! Because he is going back. This is just temporary, until everything with the GIW calms down, and his parents don't hate him for being a half a anymore, and his friends aren't being monitored for contact with him, when reaching out won't endanger the people he loves back home and the people he's growing to care for here, and all of that is definitely going to happen soon, right? Yeah, it has to! His parents can't hate him forever, even if they tried to capture and experiment on him, even if they said he wasn't their son anymore, and... and it would be soon! Right... Soon... He could go back soon... Ancients, he hoped he could go back soon.

He hasn't even realized that he'd stopped walking, just standing in the middle of a parlor staring at nothing. He missed Jazz, and her stupid nagging on him about work-life balance. He missed Sam trying to get him to eat healthier all the time. He missed Tucker always bantering with him. He missed his parents, and their well meaning gifts of ghost protection, even when they didn't work it talked about how awful ghosts were. He missed Amity. He missed his rogues, as odd as it sounded. At least they were familiar. If he hadn't gotten adopted kidnapped by the Wayne kids, he'd still be living in a barely functional apartment struggling to pay rent and thanking every Ancient he knew of that he didn't need to eat or be warm. His core ached to be away from home, and there was just so much that felt wrong.

Bruce was exhausted. Penguin had his people out all over the city last night to try and throw him off the trail of some statue that was supposed to be sold for charity two months ago that had conveniently found its way to Gotham in a "lost" shipping container. He'd been running around all night trying to find it, and he honestly just wanted to go get a couple hours of rest.

The clock in the library slid open and he stepped out, hearing it slide shut and click softly into place. He just had to make it through the parlor, up the stairs, and down the hall to his room. Other than that, there was nothing between him and a well deserved nap.

Except, of course, the kid his children had been "hiding" from him.

Danny stood with his back to Bruce, shoulders hunched and unmoving. Bruce wasn't sure the kid was breathing. The only noise was the occasional soft pat as something wet hit the carpet in front of the kid.

Bruce hadn't been trying to be quiet before, if Danny was truly lucid he would have heard him coming and hid. But he just stood there, crying. Bruce hadn't been able to get a good background check on Danny, only able to figure out the town he came from before running into the worst firewall he'd ever seen (it was damn near alive with how quickly it adapted to getting hacked). But the kid was alone, he'd clearly run and wound up in Gotham. Whatever caused that couldn't have been easy in the poor kid. So Bruce stepped on one of the very loud, very creaky board in the floor.

Danny flinched spinning towards Bruce. He should have known better than to dwell on his home out in the open. He was an unknown guest here, who knew what would happen if he was caught, and if Bruce Wayne looking dead at him was any indication he most certainly had been.

"Hey, Tim. Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Bruce pretended not to notice the red in Danny's eyes, or the tear tracks on his face. It was easy enough to call him the wrong name, he and Tim did look pretty similar. Danny remained silent, just gave a little wave.

"You alright? You were just standing there for a little while. I tried calling you, but you didn't answer me." Shit, how long had Bruce been there? He had to be about to figure Danny out, realize that he didn't belong. He could only hope Tim didn't wander through the door right now and pray to the Ancients that Brucie Wayne really was just that clueless.

Bruce took a slow step closer, the way he would for a scared child on the street. Danny didn't relax, but he wasn't shrinking away in fear. That was good. It meant he could be talked to, meant he would take a convenient out of it was offered.

"Are you feeling sick?"

Danny jumped on the opportunity, nodding his head a little and shifting his vocal chords around, making them sound strained and raw.

"A little, yeah." Bruce nodded and walked closer, placing a hand on his head the way Danny remembered his mother doing before stop it stop it don't think about that don't think about them

"You do have a slight fever, and you sound pretty bad. Let's get you to bed, and I'll have Alfred bring you some tea up, alright?" Danny nodded, and Bruce led him up to Tims room, making extra certain to hit the creaky stair so that Tim would have some warning to hide. He really didn't feel like having to play "which of you is Tim" right now, especially since Danny still seemed to want to stay hidden.

Tim's window was open when they made it to the door, a light breeze drifting through. Bruce walked Danny to the bed, tucking him in some before walking to the window his middle son had no doubt leapt through and shutting it.

"There. That should help keep it from getting worse. You just rest now, alright? And don't talk to much, you'll strain your voice." Bruce ruffled Danny's hair, and he counted his lucky stars that the rumors of just how clueless Brucie Wayne was were all true.

"Feel better, Tim," Bruce said, closing the door and walking to the kitchen. He knew Tim would be back through the window soon, if he wasn't under the bed or in the closet, and those two would probably have a laugh about Bruce being unable to tell his children apart from a random stranger living in his house, and that was fine. Tim had been laughing and smiling more, no doubt enjoying the feeling of sneaking something without getting caught.

"Alfred, could you get some tea for Tim? He's feeling a little under the weather."

"I see. Is Master Damian in the house?"

"Not currently, no. Two cups should be fine, for when our guest sneaks back into his room through the window." Alfred simply raised a brow in good humor.

"Of course, Master Bruce. Sleep well." Bruce chuckled and turned to leave the kitchen.

"Thanks Alfred. If we have any, I think Danny'd like a tea from Amity Park to help with the homesickness."

DP x DC

So we've all seen aus where Danny gets adopted by the Batfam because, let's be honest, he's a textbook case of a Bruce Wayne adoptee. But what if we took that, just slightly to the left? Instead of Batman adopting Danny, the Batkids do. Now, the reason why Danny is in Gotham can be whatever you want(I'm partial to reveal gone wrong or an accident happens so he leaves as to not become Dan) but one by one and completely coincidentally(or so they think, maybe Gotham helps push them together) Danny befriends each of the Batkids.

He meets Tim at a coffee shop(maybe he works there) and they bond over the insane amount of caffeine they like in their coffee.

He meets Daimian at some vegan place that Sam would just love if she were there and tho Damian refuses to say it there's something he finds endearing about this street kid who seems to have no clue who Damian is but smiles at him regardless and engages in some surprisingly pleasant conversation about places that serve vegan food or vegan options.

He and Duke have a class together in school and he meets Barbara while studying at the library. Or maybe Duke invites Danny to join a study group and that's how he meets Babs and maybe Cass and Steph too.

Maybe he meets Dick as Nightwing and they bond over their love of puns.

Jason can be met as either a civilian or as Red Hood, but the second they get within a certain range of each other, they get this feeling tugging them towards each other. Some 'I don't know why but I need to go this way' type feels. Jason calls it instincts, Danny can tell this feeling is coming directly from his core. They literally run into each other and immediately get this overwhelming feeling of 'same same like me'.

He ends up growing close with them all individually so when they eventually realize that 'hey, this new friend we've all been talking about is the same dude', well of course they have to keep him. So they all work together to sneak him into the manor(read: kidnap) and get him set up in one of the many unused rooms. And the fact the Bruce was off on a business trip when they did it made it wonders easier, they would definitively have got caught if he was around.

So now Danny is a stow away in this mansion that all his new friends apparently live in and he just kinda goes along with it cuz 'hey, they're nice and he gets somewhere to sleep rent free and the food is to die(again) for'. And yeah, they're the kids of the best detective in the world, they're gonna be good at hiding their tracks(they have to be or they would never get away with anything) but Alfred knows everything that goes on in the manor. He takes one look at this child and just accepts it. He allows the children to believe they are deceiving him but helps them out subtly by accidentally making extra food at meal times.

And if sometimes they want to hang out with Danny in the house they do his clothes and hair like whichever kid he resembles the most and so long as he doesn't talk nobody can tell the difference.

And maybe when Bruce comes back from his trip he figures it out immediately but he doesn't say anything because like hell he's gonna turn away a child in need. Instead he just silently fills out the adoption papers so he's ready when the kids eventually decide to reveal Danny's presence to him.

[gosomewherefindyourself]

Hurts (But It Goes Away)

It's been a very long time since I've graced the feed of either one of my tumblr's. It kind of feels like visiting the catacombs of my past but with the knowledge of all that I've become since I last wrote words here.

So much has happened since 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018. I've gone through a lot more introspection, heartbreak, grief, personal development, friendships, joy, laughter, tears, etc. etc. etc.

What brings me here today is a desire to write again. A desire to put down my thoughts and feelings and record them for future Holly to check back in at another stage of her life. In the past, what drove me to write was an inexplicable need for connection and understanding. I felt so lost and misunderstood by everyone, including myself. I put my words on the page with hope that someone, somewhere, would read it, understand me, love me, and help me understand/love myself. What brings me here today is not the same intrinsic need for understanding. Instead, its me coming back to say I found me. I understand me. I love me.

As mentioned, A LOT has happened in the last few years. To attempt to sum it up, I spent a chunk of it in a deep grief morning the loss of my grandmother, the woman who I idolized, cherished, and held above all other humans in my life. My heart shattered when I lost her and a few pieces of me died right along with her. Her cancer was what brought me back early from the Peace Corps. She had stage 3 lung cancer and nothing else mattered. When I came home it became a group effort to get her better, to ensure her cancer knew how special she was to our family, to me. It seemed to work for a bit, she went into remission after a few months. She was better. I moved back to LA to jump start a career I had put on hold. The cancer didn't care. It came back and took her shortly after. I have such distinct memories of my grief before losing her. Realizing there was nothing we could do. Realizing I had lied to myself for years, telling myself over and over she would live forever. She would live long enough to see me get married, have a child, a career, and have a life she would be proud of. Have you ever been in a position where you are pleading to the universe for an outcome you know will never happen? It's desperate. It's ugly. It's raw.

I spent a decent chunk of time crying to Taylor Swift's "Soon You'll Get Better" song. It put everything into words that I experienced, the desperation and rawness of begging for an outcome you know won't come. You grieve for the pain your loved one is going through and you also selfishly mourn your impending loss. "Ooh-ah, Soon, you'll get better. Ooh-ah, Soon, you'll get better. Ooh-ah, You'll get better soon. Because you have to. And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?" I still feel this deep in my bones.

I spent the next two years in a depressing fog. I entered a grief support group, started seeing a therapist, and threw myself into my career. Work had always been a comfort of mine because it was something I could control. As a kid when things were rough at home, I longed for the hours spent in the classroom. Getting good grades and ultimately earning approval from the adults in my life in the only way I knew how. When I was bullied throughout middle school, I told myself it was all temporary and one day I'd make my life successful with a great career and life. Here was my chance. I lost all control I thought I had in this life. The most important person was taken from me and all I could do was hold onto the one thing that got me through my childhood. So I dove in and held nothing back.

The universe seemed to align with my plan. Enter the global pandemic more commonly known as Covid-19. Everyone was forced to isolate inside their own homes. Work, other than essential workers, was also moved to our homes. I was PREPARED for this. As a Peace Corps volunteer, I had a lot of experience isolating alone but this time I had electricity, running water, the internet, amazon, and an excuse to not socialize if I didn't want to... and let me tell you I didn't want to.

I spent my days working, reading, working, working out, working, watching tv, working, occasionally seeing friends, working, gardening, walking, oh and working. I was great at lockdown and it paid off. I moved up in my career and got the validation I spent most of my life striving for.

Post lockdown- I continued to ride that same train. Everyone else was focused on their own path and for once in my life, I wasn't focused on theirs either (the life of a CODA). I couldn't be. I was still drowning in my grief and honed in on this "successful life" I waited my whole life for. I don't know... I think I felt if I achieved "success" in my career, all of my problems would be solved. I would finally find myself, understand myself, and be whole.

Insert the biggest LOL here.

The next two years were filled with a lot of fulfillment through work. I loved my job, loved my coworkers, loved the trust and respect that came with it until I didn't anymore. It didn't happen overnight, and it definitely didn't just happen because something shifted in me... There were some external factors that showed me more about the "successful life" I thought I wanted and it ultimately turned out to be a hard and challenging life lesson. I'm not ready to lay all of that out there for public consumption. Just know that this was my second largest earth shattering heartbreak since 2019.

Fall of 2022 I went on a 3 week roadtrip to attempt to put myself back together. I was even more lost. I didn't have the one beacon I held onto my ENTIRE life anymore. Success didn't look like the success I cared to hold on to anymore, not when it came with all of the baggage I wanted no part of. Not only did I lose faith in the one thing guiding me most of my life, I lost faith in humanity. This shit has the ability to bring anyone to a point of questioning everything.

I think it's important to share here that most of my life I lived in a very black and white mindset. Do/Be good, receive good. Do/be bad, receive bad. I naturally believe the best in people and situations. If shit is rough, it just means that this is not meant for you and there's better things out there. The situation I found myself in really challenged that way of thinking. I thought I was doing good... but I was receiving bad. I attempted to right the bad and still received bad. I questioned myself a lot. Was I a terrible person?

Going back to what I mentioned at the beginning... I grew up feeling so lost, empty, and misunderstood but I ALWAYS believed that I was good... I yearned for someone else to see that goodness in me too. Now? Now I questioned that goodness. Was I ever good? Was I just lying to myself for all those years? Did I create this martyr persona but deep down I was just innately bad? As you can see, my shit was rocked. I was completely thrown off my axis.

The roadtrip helped me create space between me and the "bad" I left behind in LA. I was able to come back to myself, "coming back together, different but the same." I gave myself a rough timeline to execute a new plan to get out of LA and get out of a career driven mindset. I looked around and was so confused on how I lost my sense of adventure and how I gained a singular focus on career success. It was an absolute mindfuck. I was going to start carving out time for a personal life again. Making space for things I wanted to do because I WANTED TO DO THEM. This happened, it was great. But something else happened to... I was sucked back into the false sense of safety and growth in my career. In hindsight, this was either a test from the universe that I failed... or it was one last lesson the universe was guiding me through to show me VERY CLEARLY that a life of happiness/fulfillment is not 100% built on the foundation of a career.

This time, though, I was ready. All of the trials and tribulations I had been through in my life (and the support of an amazing therapist) had prepared me to recognize my worth and let me tell you, I was worth a hell of a lot more than the shit stick I had been handed, yet again. The day I finally realized this self worth, was the day I drove my ass to the store to get my first load of boxes to move.

I haven't yet mentioned the wonderful people in my life, which I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by. There are many times when I pause to reflect on my life and the fact that I've changed so much. I used to look around me and focus on the negatives... But lately what shines above it all are all of the blessings I've received. My friends, my community, my family. Do you ever just have a moment where you look back and think... "when did that happen?" I think that often about my support system. How blessed am I, to be surrounded by people who see me, love me, and support me? Who have taught me to appreciate all of the work I've done to be where I am now. People who have forced me to pause and give myself credit, even when it feels cringe to do so (I just think of that scene in Barbie where the Barbies are thanking themselves for the awards they've won because they deserve it... This is the kind of energy I am talking about here). Like I did that... I created a community for myself that I KNOW I am very blessed to have. I created a community that 10 year old Holly would never have believed was possible. A community that 4 year old Holly deserved to have. A life that 16 year old Holly would be proud of.

I think this is the kind of success that is not widely talked about. The kind of success that should be honored and appreciated far more than the dollar amount in your bank account.

I moved to Denver in November in search of a personal life I can be proud of. A life where my career is secondary to the life I am building for myself. I aim to be intentional with how I spend my time and so far I am really enjoying the ability to embrace newness. New opportunities, new adventures, new pieces of myself I get to meet and grow as I allow myself to expand beyond the boxes I've either put in place myself, or allowed others to put in place for me (more on that at another time).

Lately I've been thinking about the person I want to be known for. A person who is known for being your biggest cheerleader. Someone who who loves securely, unconditionally and freely and doesn't allow anyone in their lives to feel they only deserve love/happiness/success if they stay neatly in their "box" or how they believe they should act/behave. Someone who radiates joy, positivity, and happiness in a healthy completely realistic humanly way. I want to be someone who makes others around them feel like they are capable of anything they set their mind to.

... to be continued.

Thank you for reading this far <3

[frozenwrites]

03/11/2023 - 11:25 pm 

Today’s song: Somebody Else - The 1975

Dear diary, I'm seeing stars. 

Mind you, not in the sense that I was knocked out. I'm seeing actual stars for what feels like the first time, and it's quite the feeling. Winter has finally come, bringing with it a storm of memories and realizations that can leave me forever changed. It’s been a long time since I stopped to tell you about my life, dear diary; I suppose I had to collect that many new musings to share. The question, as always, is where oh where should I begin?

Many months ago, I told you that I would soon be starting a new chapter in the story of my life. In hindsight, that was rather inaccurate. This has not been another chapter, it’s a new story altogether. It’s a long, eventful sequel in which I’m the same character thrown into a very new setting surrounded by a lot of very new people. A lot of the things I had come to take as stables in my life are no longer within reach, and there are as many new things to get used to. I will have to say that the most interesting aspect of my life right now is the people. It’s been a long time since I had to relocate, and while the people I had gotten used to are still in my life, their presences have been reduced to names on a small screen I only look at once a day. I used to tell myself at first that this is all a temporary measure; I’m only here for a short time before I get back to what had become my real life. I should have reminded myself that this is equally real, and that however long my stay here will be, I need to make a life out of it. 

Missing people is not easy, however. I have a lot of people back home who I wish I could bring over. It’s hard to accept that we all might as well be living in different worlds now, but I digress. You see, I have also come to learn that missing people sometimes comes in the form of looking for traces of them on others. There have been many times when I would say something, expecting a certain familiar reaction from the person in front of me, only to be brought back to reality by the stranger’s voice. That is not to say that change is a bad thing. There might be a learning curve to every new experience in life, but its purpose is always just that: learning. I’m not above believing that there’s so much more in life for me to learn, and I’m not naive enough to assume it would all come easily. The best thing for me to do is to, as I’ve come to often lecture my students, approach everything with an open mind and believe that there is good in every new day. 

There are a lot of other things I wish I had the time to tell you about, such as all the new people who have been making this story of mine worth reading. That will have to wait for a different entry, however. And for the rest of tonight, my dear diary, I want you to know that I will be sitting out here, looking up, and hoping that everybody else who needs good company finds it in the winter night’s sky. 

[sunnyside-shifter]

"I have read through all your answers, I’m an absolute addict to hearing and seeing about other experiences and mentalities and what not and woah.. you just seem so fascinating!!"

EEEE thank you! I think you are also very interesting... I wish I could see you-you. I think that would be a very neat experience (but, alas, my brain would probably break into a thousand pieces sadly). And it might be creepy but I want to like. Study you. BUT NOT IN A WEIRD WAY. You seem very interesting... like those tundra plants...

"from my best understanding, you seem to be something in relation to life"

Yes- that is very how I feel. (But also the thought of only being Life feels. Wrong? (no offense to you, ofc). It makes me afraid, is the correct term I suppose).

I suppose I am afraid because of that fear of not being in flux (even though I do not understand it. But that fear has been with me forever. Permanence is a big fear of mine, I am not sure why. My gender itself is in flux, like my sexuality. Like everything else. It is very weird.)

also I feel honoured that you see me as some similar ‘species’!!

Yes! I'm glad you are okay with that- I was very nervous when saying that. But yes, you're being of Light and Energy and Other is sort of similar (in a sense) to how I feel I should be.

Also because (if I remember correctly) you are DivineKin, and that feels- well it makes me feel something, not negative just can't name it (closest I have is curiosity with a twinge of like. Hope???). Like there is an option of my being of that, although I am not sure how I would like it.

(I feel as though I need to be equals, but not above or below just perfectly in the center)

‘Purpose’, one might say..

Anything! I think that trying to invoke curiosity is a piece of my purpose, so as trying to show people that they are more often than not, redeemable. (This is also a sort of reason why I first sent the ask, I was intrigued (curious? Afraid???) about what you could say (you know much, much more about it than I do. I am Very newly Awakened, even if I have been questioning for a long, long while.))

"there’s a recurring theme of growing plants, have you noticed that? Is there anything more you can gather from indulging your focus into that?"

Yes- originally I thought I was a Plantkin, then I maybe thought I was a faerie or even a nymph, but, again the crippling fear of permanence crept in. Maybe I am drawn to plants like I am drawn to water and the Sun, they too are also ever-changing (this is again, also why I was curious about you. I did not know one just accept non-permanence). I am unsure why I like plants. But being in the woods, the forest, the desert, the tundra (the sea the plains the swamps the the the) brings me a sense of overwhelming peace and fluidity. (like coming home).

From my knowledge- I could just like plants because I have grown up around them. Maybe it is because of something, maybe my Soul knows something I do not. (Maybe it is not me who likes plants).

"And to eat what you have made.. is that not the greatest show of love, too? You may feel that it could be wrong but it’s merely the way of life. Things are made to live, but to live is to eventually succumb to death. To be immortal is the greatest misery of all and a sacrifice of all the beauty you hold within. All is temporary no matter how much you try keep it around, and just as animals will also decompose or be eaten, the main importance here is that it isn’t thrown away without consequence. To the animal that was shot and left to rot will be forgotten by man but the forest will take back all of its nutrients and the plants around will continue living, bugs feeding on its carcass. The rabbit will eat the grass the earth produced only to then feed the wolf’s hunger, and you can’t call it evil, for all must survive. The plants devour the light desperately and the hare sinks it’s teeth violently into the green cells, shredding it.. but the wolf merely seeks nourishment."

Don't wanna say anything to the above, but you worded it so beautifully. Life is a cycle that I am glad to participate in.

you’re incredible. Beautiful. Fascinating. Valuable. Interesting. Intriguing. Wonderful. Awe inspiring. And maybe, just maybe, there’s something else you want to know rather than just who you are? Are you merely seeking understanding because it’s all you’ve been taught there is to know? Do you want to be shown something more?

YOU are awe-inspiring. I am sure I am not the only thing/person/creature that you have helped. I am sure there are others that maybe did not send asks but were inspired and have Awakened because of you.

I am unsure what I am seeking. I think I am seeking for myself, in a sense (I see myself in my minds eye, how do I explain it? I am a mass, I am nothing and everything at all. I am a person, but I am not. My face is mine as are my hands, I am a person and I am an animal and everything in-between and the little spaces where nothing touches.)

I think I am seeking what. What, in a sense, I am/was/will be. Or why I am like this (how does one be born human, without a sense of before, but not be not-quite-human. But human enough to... be human??

I want to know if there is a community, and I think I have found it(and that might be cheesy).

"but still, so much information lay hidden.. or rather waiting."

Yes! and I am thrilled for it to be unburied. I want to know all there is, until trees can grow through my skull, each leaf an idea, a fragment of a greater Thing.

hhhhhh

hiiii!

Questions! (about Otherkin, because I cannot for the life of me find any labels matching my experience. (although what you have in this blog is... quite fitting)

Anyways, hi! So I am Human(but not), but I am also an Animal(but, also, not). What am I??? I am everything and also nothing at once. Is this like a Shapeshifter? Or a FluidForm? (No pressure to answer this ask, I'm just mildly losing my mind)

I totally understand you and I would’ve loved if you got a notification for this but alright, listen..

going off the details you gave me, you consider yourself possibly both human and animal yet also don’t feel like you fit them, and perhaps it is something of the concept nature (conceptkin are as it says, concepts and ideas in a physical form. Some are fine being seen as human or animal and some hate being in a body. But there are thousands upon thousands of various concepts that could allow you to feel at home, or identify as, because although knowing yourself isn’t a necessity to exist, it’s still nice to think in this direction if other variables aren’t helping)!

Ofcourse, you could be formless. That’s an entire possibility of just simply not having a proper physical form and yet trying to convince yourself you must choose one, because unless you properly feel present, you may be apart of the souls such as I which just exist. There’s nothing wrong wit plainly being here, if you have a form or not. Some like to present as a creature, like I mentioned, but it’s never a strict rule.

Alterhumanity is for everyone! Any experiences, all sorts of beliefs, and I’m glad I can help people out with their own problems or questions, just an understanding view on the community and how varied some minds and souls are is enough to have thousands of possibilities to what we can be! It’s fine to not know, just be comfortable for now, and if you have a burning desire to know.. then study yourself.

HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF TO BETTER KNOW YOU (warning, there’s alot):

Would you feel happy if someone actively looked at you and made a comment on how you look? Let’s say positive for this situation, to not bring in any excess feelings. Something like “I like your hair. Your hands are nice. You’re pretty tall.”

How do you consider feeling tempature? Confusing Ik but is there a sense of self in it? Do you have a deeper understanding of the sense of warmth and cold, or is it merely an event you’re capable of feeling? Do you even notice it or does your body react by itself?

How do you feel when you look in the mirror or in your general reflection? Does it feel familiar? Weird? Kind? Hostile? Confusing? Unsettling? Wrong? Welcoming?

Would you say you have a species? As in, are there others like you? No matter if you know yet or not.. is there someone else you can truly call some distant relative?

Would you enjoy to be free from the chains of society and simply frolic in the woods? (Most say yes so, continue with: what specifically do you not like about humanity or other people, where exactly would you want to live if your body didn’t get in the way, what biome feels like home (no matter if you can survive there or not. Planets, underwater, super high, fantasy world, different countries..), how would you prefer to be able to move? Simply exist or to zoom around or run on all fours or have hundreds of little legs or fly?)

If you could assign yourself a singular emotion, or perhaps a handful, to be perceived as - what would you choose? (For someone to look at you and immediately consider you something, or even be invoked to feel something)

Are you happy with what you can eat? Vegetables, fruit, grains, sweets, yummy chemicals, bread.. or do you want to try those things that you can’t? Rocks, glass, oil, leaves, sea water, sponges, plastic, wood.. (this also is on the verge of being related to pica but them urges can go into a different lifetime or something more!!)

Do you feel that you’re not at home here? That you were home once but now you’re on earth and here that it just feels odd and strange? (Well lucky you, your soul has been reborn! This doesn’t mean you must have past memories of some other lifetime (although some do! But that’s vague and sometimes influenced by this life’s experiences) and often times the soul is just homesick for something it can’t remember. It can’t feel ready yet when it is still so young in relation to everything. Stimulation is a game of the mortal mind, and yet the soul craves fulfilment. It needs to be heard, seen, acknowledged. Sometimes it has a plan of what it should be but is still trapped in its own past. You have an idea of what you should be but you’re not ready to accept your current reality, and being a teenager is especially hard with how many people try shut down the voice of the soul, and yet it still acts out. It can be through strange urges, being overly emotional, having strange ideas youre not sure where they originated from, random triggers, perhaps even some kind of stuff that you just can’t define - like an altered mental state where you prioritises and focus changes)..

if you could fluctuate between being seen and invisisble, would you? Perhaps even more like some essence, a ghoul/spirit/ghost/felt presence? Maybe be a state of pure light or darkness? Have another material take over you and just disguise yourself as any ordinary thing (living or not..

Do you feel happy being seen as something but not neccesarily being it? Like, for someone to consider you an animal or person or item, but actually being something differently?

Would you change your body or mind if you could? Add some limbs, remove something, alter yourself, add a pattern, an ability such as breathing underwater, flying (wings or not), being immune to wounds, etc.. does it have any other explanation apart from “just would be neat”?

now concepts.. although I did try prompt that possibility with prior questions, it is hard, but here are some categories you can focus on: Elements , Colours , Emotions , Shapes , Processes , Sound , Smell , Feelings , Sensations , Ideas , Man-made things , objects, characteristic. Perhaps some specifics? Nature, life, death, rebirth, exploration, extinction, happiness, confusion, rot, skyscrapers, meaningless purpose, childish curiosity, watcher, growth, electricity, roaring/roars, warm water, crunchy items (leaves,snow,crisps,sand), an aquatic creature leaving its shell to move into a bigger one, a mammal caught in a trap, a rodent stuck in glue, pink car, a kid stealing their parents money, a squeaky door, the feelings of holding a baby for the first time, etc etc etc.

what’s your purpose here for? What do you personally feel inclined to do? What do you want to find and how do you want to accomplish true fulfilment and happiness? Where do you grow most?

and here.. no matter if this was accurate or not, I am always bound to vagueness unless you reach out and try to truly communicate. I hope this was of help even if you remain anonymous but I could help you if you were to also explain your predicament, and I could help organise things out! I’m always open to helping others through their alterhumanity, it’s something I’ve surpassed in all its stages and pride myself in understanding now, so to alleviate some of the stress and frustration with being worried over not knowing something.. i can answer any question.

[antiloreolympus]

11 Anti LO Asks

1. I don't get it, weren't the fans praising Persephone for wanting to own up to her crimes and saying she deserves any punishment she receives? Why are they now upset she got a temporary punishment  that isn't even different from her life pre-uni? Why is Persephone upset too? It's not forever. It's almost as if the fans only care about the aesthetics of looking morally "good" while they really wanted her to get away with murder, and Persephone is a bad person who lied to keep up her nice facade.

2. I legit do not get why LO fans act as if it's some personal affront when people don't like it and even critique it. How self centered if their worldview to think everyone has to obsessively love and praise what they like? What reality are they living in where this is a thing? Get a grip, kids, you're not important and people not liking what you do is not a personal insult, it's just life.

3. LO would probably be better handled if it was put under an age restriction like more mature romances and other comics are, but WT and Rachel would never allow it because then they can't market it as YA and get the biggest draw of tweens and teens to spend their parents' money on it, so now LO is left w/ trying to be tween friendly while also trying to do serious topics with all the nuance of "bullying is bad >:(" but instead of bullying it's being critical of rich mass murdering slave owners 🤔

4. how does rachel have at bare minimum four people working on LO and it only looks worse?? like is it because they arent paid well, is the pay as low as the effort theyre expected to do. i dont care how much thhe fans are obsessed with it they seriously cant think this looks better??

5. What's going to preemptively anger me is that with IRL people I know, r/aita, and even tumblr anecdotes, giving a teen time away from a grown man for a long enough period of time usually results in the teen going, "wow, that was actually fucked up. thank you for stopping that disaster." Yet I KNOW that in LO, Persephone's probably gonna have her love grow by tenfold and miss her dearly totally-not-creepy beloved.

From OP: On a side note, I hate when fans try to justify the age gap by saying “it’s normal” or “perfectly fine since they’re adults” when most people (especially from tumblr, reddit, and just people irl) find it weird as hell and very questionable on the older person’s end. It’s just a blatant lie to try and justify this creepy dynamic.

6. introducing a major villain with no actual build up or reason for them to be in the plot right before a season finale is, no matter how you cut it, bad writing, and that's only one of several poorly planned and executed writing in this thing.

From OP: Yeah, even Apollo had some kind of foreshadowing. The only thing that hinted at Eris was an old tumblr ask from RS (Before LO became an original, RS said something about Eris and Hades having a bad date but that’s probably retconed) and Hera’s line to Hebe about getting her sister. With the sister thing, it’s too vague to pinpoint on Eris since she could also be Nyx’s daughter.

7. ok now LO fans are just lying and saying it was "always supposed to be a dark story" and people who are calling out it didn't develop these aspects well and it should have stuck to its original lighter tone "cant see context clues" like?? yes it did have SA shown early on ... which was IMMEDIATELY dropped and had rachel right way go into making puns! even persephone admitting she killed a village was framed with fart jokes and forced romcom flirting! how is that being a "dark and serious" story?

8. Rachel Smythe seems to have taken a weird approach to making HxP sympathetic? Like, I feel like she's trying to make the infinitely threatening villains more infinitely threatening as a way to make it seem like the rich, straight, cis, white coded deities in the story are the underdogs. The classism almost seems to come from her being too concerned about the image of rich people. Which, come to think of it, actually makes a lot of sense.

9. Even if we get Perse aow "justified" by Eris blessing it still doesn't mean she is innocent. She knew for a very long time that there is something "wrong" with her and she may be dangerous to others but she did nothing with it. Even now after everything that happened she still let that feeling affect her and didn't tell anyone beside Hades who equally doesn't care she may hurt someone again. Her wrath may be not her fault but her actions are

10. Part of me wonders if RS actually took any writing classes or even... just did basic research about how to write cohesive stories? The plot and timeline of LO is all over the place and it includes a lot of unnecessary scenes with characters who don't have a large bearing on the plot (like that whole subplot with Eros and Psyche, Thanatos and Daphne, that flashback with Persephone and the yellow war god who's name I can't remember. Like what was the point of that flashback? She could have just told us they'd met before and left it at that). Even just stuff that could have taken much less time than it did, such as those Medusa ladies spying, that dinner with HxP, Hera, and Zeus, or Hades taking the photographer's eye out.

I just always found the story very confusing to read. I've taken writing classes for my novels before and LO follows none of the guidelines for good writing.

11. I'm just upset that RS chose to make Persephone a young, impressionable literal teenager when she could have made Persephone an older, elegant goddess with years of knowledge and experience about how her world works. Like, if she wanted the r*pe subplot so badly, it could have been set up as Persephone deliberately avoiding Apollo/trying to expose him throughout the story, whilst the readers and Hades try to piece together what happened between them in the past before it's actually revealed. It also would have eliminated the gross age gape and Persephone acting like a child, etc. While we're at it, we could probably just take out that whole uncomfortable, unnecessary subplot where Apollo takes those photos.

[husbandohunter]

Moments of Despair #2 [Genshin Impact/Albedo x Reader]

Synopsis: "The alchemist who relished in his gifts only to fall from grace."

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Diluc’s despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death and psychological horror (correct me if otherwise)

(A/n): I decided to take a slightly different approach this time. Regardless, it’s still killing my heart TwT.

---------------------------------------------------

Out of the many wonders of Teyvat, one thing Albedo loved most was how you were so different from him. 

Difference ties to the unknown, one that must be discovered. He was drawn to you the first time he had laid his eyes upon your form standing at the heights of Mondstadt's cathedral. The Sisters scolded you from below, but all you did was reply with a wink amidst their chaos before soaring into the skies and letting the wind carry your glider. Reckless they said. For him, your recklessness was intriguing. 

As the sun's light blinded his vision, everything he saw seemed like a glass barrier. For the ground was where he thrived and chalk was his core, it became the basis of Albedo's very existence. Even the geo Archon granted him a Vision of the same element to affirm his identity. The earth will forever be attached to his feet as he will keep on his stride until every last truth of Teyvat have all been realized. You, on the other hand, hailed from a place where he couldn't quite reach. What lies beyond this glass ceiling? Albedo found himself gradually holding onto a string of curiosities, a string he could touch but was not able to feel. 

'Interesting,' he thought quietly, while the breeze slip between the fingers of his outstretched hand. 

He was a character of logic, possessing sharp eyes that could pierce through the depths of the most complex formulas and a mind to predict their outcomes-  as long as alchemy was still related. All impossibilities thrown in his way only paved a path for him to become the well known genius he was now. Whether it was alchemy or  investigations with the Knights of Favonius, Albedo never failed to deliver the answers. But despite it all, he always found himself endlessly contemplating over things that were considered intangible. He wonders why you smile when there was nothing to laugh about. How could you tell between the complexities of the human heart? Albedo can't seem to put a finger on it. 

'Why? What drives you? What are you thinking?' 

The Chief Alchemist couldn't resist being fascinated by your unpredictability. It reels him in similar to a fish being baited out of the waters. However, unlike those creatures, Albedo only tightened his grip on the strings as if they were a lifeline, determined to find out what they truly felt like to the touch. 

"I can't really say it's much of an answer," you hummed, clasping both hands behind your back before declaring with a grin, "To put it simply, you just gotta follow your heart."

'Follow your heart...' What does it mean to follow your heart? 

"I'm afraid I still don't understand," he replied in a thoughtful manner. The statement never really resonated with him and it certainly weren't the words his Master taught when he was in the early stages of being created, "But it does suit you very much." 

"Really? But still bring your head with you," a playful laugh escapes and you add while pointing a finger, "At least, it's what everyone tells me these days." 

"Hm," Albedo then affirms with a nod, "I can definitely see why they would tell you that." 

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" 

The days go by and his repetitious march towards the truth remains the same. However, there was never a dull moment when you were at his side. Perhaps that was the reason why Albedo became so attracted to your aura. The way you'd follow around his experiments, eyes so full of enthusiasm at every step of the activity. Sometimes the events can get a little too out of hand in which he needs to step in and save you from getting stuck in slime condensates...constantly. Albedo grew fond of your childlike excitement even when you weren't entirely sure what was going on. He normally distanced himself from socializing as it never sparked his interest. Frankly, he was too much of a genius for mundane conversations. Your presence was rather refreshing in this case. You were an oddball, just like him, and for once the alchemist felt like he didn't need to place that glass barrier between the two worlds. 

"You seem to be in a very good mood today Mister Albedo." 

He was a man of subtle expressions yet anyone could notice the small gleam in his eyes whenever he saw you walking in the hallway. Sucrose often remarked with a giggle after she noticed her teacher holding his documents upside down. But who could blame him? Joy, fun, laughter. He was able to experience those emotions all because of you; his beloved. You were the colour to his canvas and the meaning to his flower. You were a force of nature. Like a warm breeze gracing upon the terrestrial lands, you move him. 

Thump- thump- thump- 

Strings around his world began to weave one whole picture while they also tugged inside his chest. God had finally blown the breath of life into mankind's body, it was only a matter of time before Albedo came to follow his heart too. 

-------- 

"Alright, just one more detail aaaaand done!" 

You gave a small tap using the tip of your pencil and leaned back to examine your artwork. 

Masterpiece! 

On days when Katheryne had no commissions assigned to the guild, Albedo would accompany you to the Whispering Woods and conduct his sketches there instead. He was aware of the discomfort Dragonspine brought as the temperature wasn't ideal for anyone except for him. You eventually learned that your lover was not only intelligently different from the rest but physically too. Albedo, aside from the Cavalry Captain, was mysterious in his own way. He was hard to read yet never came off as intimidating, no one knew of his origins nor they knew how he came to Mondstadt. You wondered why someone like him would have wanted to get involved with your shenanigans. Rosaria often gave warnings regarding the alchemist's 'hidden intentions' in which you'd roll your eyes in response. The Albedo you knew was far from that. He was a big brother to Klee, a man passionate about his work, he was the one golden star among the many silvers in your sky. He was your lover. 

My Albedo. 

Brushing a hand upon the drawing you made of him, you glided down the lines of his cheek before resting your finger on the mark by his neck. You gazed at it with fondness. Truly a masterpiece indeed. 

"You do realize I'm still here?" 

The paper nearly flies out of your grasp and you snatched it back to your chest, "HUH A-ALBEDO, WHEN DID YOU APPEAR???" 

"I was with you the whole time," he states. The corner of his lip tug upward ever so slightly, "You said you wanted to sketch me." 

"A-Ahahaha, so I did," you reply while scratching your head bashfully. 'I thought I was looking at a sculpture!!'  You rushed to cover your face with the sheet. It wasn't that you forgot he was there, rather, you forgot he was still a living and breathing specimen who just witnessed your little serenade. As Lisa had once said, Albedo was easy on the eyes. His graceful features made him seem almost like an oil painting that could only be found in  halls of the most prestigious households. You made sure to capture everything, every detail, every curve just like he had done with your portraits. Only now you noticed the sun already began its descent below the lakeside, dusting the landscape with hints of bright orange as it marked the day's end. If only time could slow down. But duty calls upon your next journey and there was no telling when you'd return. At the very least, a simple portrait would suffice to fill in the temporary gap of his absence. 

"Can I see it?" 

You glanced his direction while keeping the drawing close to your nose, "Are you sure about that? It might not be up to your expectations." 

"I'm sure," Albedo affirms with a straight countenance, "I can already tell you've put a great amount of effort, otherwise you wouldn't have taken this long." 

"Yeeaahh I kinda lost track of time. I guess it's only fair that you get to see the finished product," you say and shoved the drawing in front of him, "Tada! I present to you, my masterpiece!" 

Albedo takes it out of your grasp and you watched the way his eyes expanded upon sight. 

"Well? Whaddya think?" 

Words could not describe the mixture of emotions that erupted within him. Was it distinguishable or abstract? Albedo spent his time pondering between the two answers as he examined the drawing closely. Despite the lines being slightly jagged and the unevenness in the placement of his eyes, he managed to make the shape of the entire image you were trying to convey. Perhaps it was all thanks to his well trained artistic vision which gave him the ability to do so. Or maybe he was simply biased. But there wasn't a shred of doubt that this was indeed your craftsmanship. 

"You even added flowers in the background," he pointed out with amusement. 

"It's the thing you make when using your elemental burst, I couldn't fit your hand in the picture so I decided to put it somewhere empty," you informed, "Out of everything, that one took me the longest." 

"And the rabbits?" 

"They resemble Klee's bombs!" 

He lets out a chuckle, "I see." 

Albedo kept his attention downward until he was mindlessly staring at the paper in hand. This was a memory made to be carried as you moved on to your next journey and it saddens him that he could not accompany you. If only time slowed down. Albedo wanted to hold onto the memory forever, because he knew once he gave it back, he wouldn't be able to see you for an uncertain amount of time. 

"Do you really have to go?" 

His voice was barely above a whisper. Guilt crept into your heart and you gingerly layed your fingers on his gloved ones, bringing down the paper that blocked his face. A pair of teal orbs held a reflection of your image as the sun's rays casted from the side. You returned it with a reassuring grin, hoping to soothe his worries somehow, "I just need to pay a visit to my father since he's been very sick lately. I'll be fine, so don't worry too much okay?" 

Albedo turns over his palm and gave your hand a squeeze, "How long will it take?" 

"I'm not sure but it will be a while. Snezhnaya is pretty far so..." you trailed off, "But my time in Mondstadt, with Klee and with you, I will never forget! I won't even if I tried." 

When you were met with no answer, a breeze came in to fill the melancholic silence. He too will not forget and he would ensure that it was the same for you. Slowly, Albedo brought your hand up, past the center of his heart all the way to cupping his cheek. He allowed himself to indulge in your warmth, tangling the strands of his hair with your fingers while closing his eyes. Sweet flowers. You always carried the smell of sweet flowers. 

"Albedo?" You gawked, "What's the matter?" 

"...There are certain aspects where drawings can't imitate,"  he says, grip tightening ever so slightly, "How I feel against your skin, the shape of my jaw, your warmth radiating with my own. These are the things I want you to remember." 

Breath leaves your slightly parted mouth. It was unfair how straightforward Albedo could be when showing his affection. Doing as he pleases without anyone's approval to the point it would even catch you off guard since he often absorbed himself in the arts of alchemy. But during times when Albedo did choose to express his feelings, you knew they came from a place of pure genuinity. The thought made it hard for you to tear away from him, "Did you ever find out what the strings felt like then?" 

Albedo returns his gaze, long golden lashes hovering them as he smiles softly, "...I have." 

As he began to reveal his stories, the dusk sky continued to flare across the landscape with colours of passion. Red, it was the thread that had led him to you, the same string that weaved him together as a whole. Albedo lays a kiss atop of your pinky, there was a reason why Mondstadtians called him the Chalk Prince. You didn't know the intention behind his sudden affection but he knew. It was a promise, one to ensure that the thread would also have you return safely back into his arms. 

Oh how he hated the colour red. 

"Al...bedo..." 

With speed he never knew he had, Albedo scoops you into his embrace and held you close. How did everything happen so fast? He curses his mind as it proceeds to scan your injuries, drawing a conclusion where he wished to be wrong for once: 

You were beyond help. 

"Ah..haha..." you managed to laugh through bitter tears, "You don't have to say it. I know." 

His breath hitches, trying to make sense of the feeling that was slowly tearing him apart from the inside. It's not real. Of course it wasn't, it couldn't be. What other possible answer was there to explain the numbness stinging his fingers? The reason for his shaking? Everything felt so cold. Your body hardly registered to his to touch, you were losing so much blood. You were losing. He was going to lose you. 

"No," Albedo shakes his head, "We still have time. I'll go find help." 

Please, hold on. 

He forced himself to think. The ruin hunter ran off shortly after it had ambushed you, by now the Knights would eventually noticed and apprehended it on sight. They couldn't be too far. All he needed was to carry you back to safety and everyone can go home. Albedo darted his eyes all over the place, breaths becoming shallower with each passing second. Where? Where to go? Which route was best to not overexert your wounds? Think. Think. Think. Why couldn't he think? 

"A..." You watched him in your helpless state. Every part of you throbbed with pain but it pains you even more to see the renowned genius who stood atop the pedestal of elegance and grace so utterly, undoubtedly lost. This was not the goodbye you wanted, though death already had you tight in their grasps. Not yet. Using the last particle of your strength, you tried to stay alive as long as possible. Just a little bit more time. 

Albedo freezes when a trembling hand extends itself to cup around his cheek. Every single thought he had in mind vanished and was replaced by a loud ring resonating in his ears. Dreadfully, mechanically, he turns his attention to where you lay. 

"Don't cry," you whisper, "I love you, don't cry- okay?" 

Albedo grimaces, shutting his eyes closed as he allows the pent up sadness to flow out of him completely, "I can't," he said in a shaky voice, "Please. Stay." 

"I'm sorry," Your vision blurs and he hugs you even more. Drawing your final breath, you relay your most cherished words through a broken smile, "But no matter w-where I go...I won't for..ge.." 

The moment your hand fell, Albedo finally understood the difference between death and loss. 

It was...suffocating. Having the air trapped in his throat, begging to release yet it hurts to speak. The never ending stabs that pulsed within his veins rushed forth like the scraping  blizzard of Dragonspine until his whole body lost all its senses. The world was shattering. He could no longer feel your weight. He could no longer feel. 

(Y/n). 

Albedo glances at his blood stained fingers where the thread had been severed, wide eyes drowning in sorrow. What a horrible feeling. Was this a warning sent by the gods? For stepping into the boundaries of knowing too much? Ah the curse of knowledge man must bear when eating the temptatious fruit. It was the result of choosing to love you. With life, death is inevitable and with love, it will eventually bring pain. Everything had a price to pay and as an alchemist, Albedo knew that better than anyone. 

"...Meaningless..." 

But he refused to accept it. 

Cradling your corpse, he leans in and places a kiss on your forehead, lips quivering as they lingered for a second too long before gathering the strength to stand back on his feet. Nothing will stop the alchemist from reuniting with you. If the laws wished to take you away from him then he will use everything in his power to fight against those laws. 

"This is not goodbye..." Albedo said to the sleeping girl, "And it will never be." 

When the sun sinks below the plains and the stars lose their light, the sky had been replaced with a palette of darkness. It was time to go home. 

------ 

"Have you all heard about the rumours?" 

A group of knights gather in the corner as they whisper about. Sucrose stops on her tracks and hides behind a wall, clutching the book close to her chest in an attempt to stay hidden. 

"Another criminal disappeared from the dungeons? Crazy..." 

"More like creepy. I was told that place might be haunted by some dead prisoner's ghost. Even the Church is hopping onto this case." 

"Well I hope it doesn't get any worse. So many of us started going on night patrols..." 

Their voices faded out of range as the anemo user backtracks her steps carefully. Several months passed since the news of mysterious kidnappings have been announced to the public. Rumours of their whereabouts swirled around the city and much to her discomfort, Sucrose happened to catch every single one of them. There couldn't possibly be evil spirits lurking in the Favonious Headquarters right? She silently shrieks at the thought, shaking her head furiously to stop her mind from going too deep. No, I have to find him. Without wasting another minute, the anemo user sprinted towards the stairs all the way up to the second floor before stopping directly in front of her teacher's office. Despite the adrenaline that occured at the same time, she made sure to knock. 

No answer. 

"Strange, he told me he would be here today..." Sucrose muttered to herself. But suddenly she heard the sound of objects shifting from the otherside, signaling that there was indeed someone occupying the room. Without realizing, she held her breath out of anticipation. 

"Come in." 

The door creaks as she opens them, giving her enough space to slip between the gap, "Mister Albedo?" 

"You're early today," The Chief Alchemist noted from his desk, "Is there something the matter?" 

"Y-You mean you don't know? There was just another case about a person disappearing from the dungeons," Her tone became more frantic as she rambled to herself, "The kidnapper never leaves a trace and no one knows how they were able to get out. Even when we ask the guards what happened, they can't seem to remember as if...as if someone casted a spell on them!" 

"A spell?" He inquires, "I suppose that could be a possibility." 

"I think so too. I-It's the only explanation that makes sense! I mean...ghosts don't exist after all," Sucrose nervously looks down at her shoes while giving her book a squeeze, "But why? Who could be capable of such advanced techniques? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to understand their intentions." 

"...Yes. It is a very strange occurrence indeed." 

Noticing her teacher's withdrawn attitude, Sucrose couldn't help but feel flustered at her own behaviour, "Ah my apologies Mister Albedo, I didn't mean to go off track. Have there been any progress on the investigations so far?" 

Albedo briefly glanced at the various documents splayed across his table. His reputation as an incredibly intelligent individual had reached far and wide through Mondstadt. This led to the authorities requesting his assistance regarding the recent matters, despite him specializing in the alchemical field, he was also the Captain of their Investigation Team. Although, Albedo detested partaking in things he deemed irrelevant to his research; 

"I'm afraid I would need more evidence to draw a conclusion." 

"Eh? You still need more?" 

He could not deny that the given authoritative position had provided much benefits to his own accord. 

"My expertise lies in the subject of alchemy," Albedo reasoned and proceeds to intertwine his fingers in front of his mouth, "Humans on the other hand, are very unpredictable in nature. Even the essence of their existence is hard to obtain." 

"Essence of their existence?" Sucrose repeated softly. She wanted to ask what he meant but the blank expression was evident  enough to signal his impatience. At least, that was what she thought, "Nevermind! I have something that might help," taking out a slip from her textbook, she handed it to him, "It's the report Captain Kaeya gave me. He said that the culprit might be a traitor coming from the Knights of Favonius." 

He narrows his eyes. 

"I-I think he might be right! Just think about it, we haven't found anything at all for the past few months but when we do, I sometimes feel like we're just running in circles...oh what if it's becau-" 

"Sucrose." 

"Y-Yes?!" 

Albedo calmly looks at the flustered girl, not realizing how sharp his tone was, "You're overthinking again. Perhaps it's best that you take this day off." 

"But I came here to help," she insisted, "I know it hurts to lose someone you love! Don't you understand that we're all worried about you? And Klee, she..." 

"..." 

"Please Mister Albedo, if there's anything I could do-" 

"No need," he cuts her off once again, "Your stress levels are too high. We can't go any further if you continue to act like this." 

"Oh," her ruby eyes casted to the side, "I understand..." 

"Good. Now, if you would excuse me," Albedo bid her farewell and watched as the door clicked behind her, observing every detail until he was sure that the absolute silence had returned. He picks up Kaeya's document. Such remarkable handwriting. But of course, appearances are only meant to be displayed on the surface for the Captain was a sly man, wearing a mask to shield what lies underneath. Just like his letter, they were full of innuendos and condensed meanings, orchestrated together until the truth spoke loudly to Albedo himself. 

"So, that's what he thinks." 

Perhaps the alchemist should have been a little more discreet. 

-------- 

There was a certain place in Dragonspine that no one dared to enter. But those who have, they never return. 

"Hm, no response. Now as for the next step..." 

And he was the reason why. 

Taking the sword out of the transmutation circle, Albedo turned to the snowy hill nearby and activated his alchemy. A small portion of it dissipates, revealing a trench that went so deep underground that even warmth couldn't outplay the sheer cold. It was the perfect hiding place for the evidence to lay out of sight and an environment where only he could handle. The alchemist tossed the leftover along with the others before exiting quietly, summoning back the ice to bury his victims once again. Another day, another experiment, another stain goes to his title. The path he walked upon was one littered with corpses and the sins he committed. But despite the bones crunching beneath his feet and the weight of the dead hanging on his shoulders, the alchemist was numb to it all. Like an entity floating in space with nothing to hold, he became unable to feel. 

"I'm back," When reaching the center of Starglow Cavern, Albedo puts his hand on the icicle and caressed it's hard cold surface, "Did you sleep well?" 

The girl did not respond. Her eyes were closed and her skin was as young as ever. She was frozen in time. 

"You must have." 

Albedo felt the sword beginning to shake in his grasp as it resonated with his energy. Dust particles emitted from the hilt and slowly made their climb to the side of his arm. Still, Albedo's attention did not waver, "To this day, I've been thinking about what you told me the first time we met." 

"..." 

"Follow your heart. I couldn't understand it at first but after being around your presence, I believe I can finally recognize what that term means." 

He closes his eyes as he envisioned your lively form running across the landscape. Albedo, Albedo! The sound of his name was mixed with your laughter while Klee came into the scene and caught the dandelions with you. A content smile formed on his countenance as he watched from afar, even if it was just a memory, "It's everything. The breakfast we ate together, to the nights spent camping outside, and the silly moments we shared, they bring all these colours that I never knew existed." 

"..." 

Albedo curls his fingers against the ice as he continues to lament, "Perhaps that's why I began noticing the strings around me. The closer I was to answer, the more I felt it was necessary to discover what they are. All this time, you were the answer I was searching for," Moist begins to build up in his eyes but they freeze up once reaching the corners. How cruel. Despite what he went through, he wasn't even granted the liberty to cry, "Because with you, I'm able to feel them." 

He wonders what you would think if you saw him right now. Albedo peers at his reflection casted on the crystalline surface, the frame of his face had been decorated with streaks of purple and red, spreading out like tree branches as they both fought for dominance. The teal coloured orbs you once adored were beginning to transform to a colour that reminded him of his darkest days. This was Albedo's true nature- a monster, a being that wasn't human, the essence in which you never had the chance to see. 

"I know I may not be the same as I was before," he added, "But if that is what it takes to follow your heart, will you let me feel the strings again?" 

Would you still love me the same? 

"..." 

"If so, then please understand my actions," Albedo takes a step back as he held out the sword in front of him. At last, the preparations have finally been completed. He plunges the blade to the ground with full force and the surrounding area begins to shake under the power accumulated through many, intentional sacrifices. To revive the dead was a forbidden art as it came with heavy consequences. If it weren't for Albedo's talent and quick wit, the process would have consumed him long before executing the last stage. He winces, the pain was excruciating. It was hard for him to ignore the sound of his skin cracking below his ears and all the way to his nose as they fall off in the shape of small rock-like chunks. Everything hurt so much that even death sounded like a sweet dream but Albedo couldn't afford to give up. He had already come this far, his hands completely washed with sin and his reputation already broken beyond repair, Albedo had nowhere else to go. This was his last destination. 

"Soon-" he pants between choked breaths. Soon your eyes will open. He could drown in your embrace, one that was warm and not cold. Soon he will be able revive those cherished memories from a frozen past. It was all he could think of right now. Your existence was the reason why a part of him felt whole and your death made him realize how painful it was to tear away those pieces. Albedo refused to let go of those pieces, they had already become a part of him. And if this path ended up tearing him even more, then so be it. 

"I should have stopped you the moment you were born." 

The intruder snapped him awake and he swung around to where they stood. But before Albedo could make out who it was, they lunged past him with incredible speed, kicking the sword off the ground while severing his two arms once and for all. They flew to the side, blood dyed purple trickling from the edges of his joint as he struggled to stay upright. 

"Dains...leif..." 

Dainsleif watched the alchemist fall onto his back as the light around him slowly faded away. He turned his gaze to where the objective was and noticed a girl encased within the ice. The man sighs out of relief when she shows no signs of life, he came just in time, "So this is how it ends." 

Albedo weakly stared at the blonde man. He attempted to say something but the blood caught in his mouth prevented him from that. 

"Save your breath, you won't be having any," Dainsleif remarks in a cold manner and glared at his bloodied form, "The renowned Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt and an important member of Ordo Favonious. Hmph, what an interesting turn of events. Out of everyone, I never thought you were the type to act so foolish." 

Foolish...what a foreign name to be called as. He never heard anyone tell him he was foolish. 

"Truly a pity," With a flick of a wrist, Dainsleif brought his sword to Albedo's neck. It was unbelievable how he had the endurance to go through all that pain while still breathing at this point but what is there to be expected from a monster? "Remember that all actions have consequences." 

The alchemist watched as his life flashed before him, the weight of his sins had finally caught up. He had always seen the world as a platform for his objectives and results were merely a natural cause after attempting many experiments. But death as a consequences was an unbearble realization upon his final moments. He abandoned his title, his pupil and his dearest sister. In the end, he was still unable to fulfill his duty. 

"I just..." Albedo mumbled, his words slurring together, "wanted..." 

As the ashes turn to ashes and dust becomes dust, chalk returns to the earth, forever yearning a place that can never be reached.

[librarygraveyard]

long fuckin update

wow. hi.

so, uh, updating as i read got away from me because i just started...tearing through books again. i have some backlogged notes that i wanted to make into posts, but a one-two combo of ADHD meds and rediscovering the many, many magics of the library, but particularly the “oh shit, that library book is actually due, i have to read it before that date even if i can renew it because if i dont read it NOW i never will” deadline-imposed executive functioning really knocked me straight into like, 10 books at once.

all that to say: 1) i finished My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry (Fredrich Backman) and it has perhaps become my favorite book of all time. definitely an oomph of a book in the best way. i wanted to write a more thorough post about it, but i was knocked out by COVID, so i went on to read 2) coraline (neil gaiman)! i’d never read it, and i think if i’d read it when i was a bit younger i’d have loved the adventure and suspense of it, but given that i read it a) after i saw the movie in college (adore the movie) b) as a 23 year old, it fell firmly in the category of “i’m glad i’ve read this. i am very glad this book exists. i am also very glad the movie exists, if only because i feel like the soundtrack adds and because coraline should forever have blue hair and a yellow raincoat.” 3) then i read As the Crow Flies (Melanie Gillman), which is a graphic novel about a teen kid at a church retreat, and while the art is stylistically lovely and the story tries to do some interesting things, it felt like it ended at least two chapters too early? There were a lot of unanswered questions despite the nuances, and the kids are supposed to be 13-14 and they read like 15-16yos, in my opinion. It was less than I thought it would be, given how critically acclaimed it is---but I often find anything intersecting religion and queerness in an interesting way seems to receive critical acclaim (and critical ire) if it’s executed decently, because that’s what’s “interesting” now. 4) Then The Graveyard Book (Neil Gaiman) --Another Gaiman I’d never read, and this one I found delightful; it’s slightly episodic as it tells a coming-of-age story, and yet also explores themes of loss in life: loss of community loss of family, change of family dynamic as a type of grief, and loss of home---even if as a temporary displacement---as its own grief, and how grief is in itself a form of longing, and how that longing can’t always be fulfilled with an exact replacement, but how life is yours for the living and as long as you are alive you are in motion and you have potential, and to die is to end that potential. you have completed all the changes you will make in yourself and in the world. i even named a spotify playlist around this theme, and captioned it with a quote from Silas, the main character’s guardian: “face your life; leave no path untaken”---“You're alive, Bod. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you can change the world, the world will change. Potential. Once you're dead, it's gone. Over. You've made what you've made, dreamed your dream....That potential is finished." 5) by the time I finished TGB I had finally tested negative for COVID and recovered in full, so I was able to pick up Spinning Silver (Naomi Novik) from the library. And oh. Oh my fuck??? I want this book for Christmas. Someone please get me this for Christmas. I saw the first page posted on twitter, which is how I found out about it at all and got hooked in the first place, but to go from that to an incredibly intricate story that balances so many arcs??? I mean, does she do it perfectly? No. There are absolutely some questionable points where I wonder if the plates are going to fall. There are absolutely some dropped threads that, yes, the world is richer for them having been hinted at, but also, given the tightly-woven story with so many threads so carefully developed, dropped, and continued at later points, it is weird to get to the end and go “Wait, but what about...????” My friends and I had a long conversation about SS last night---like, two hours long, and this being a full month and three books on after I finished it (and they read it ages ago), so I’ll spare you the analysis. But, the aspects of magic in the book, the commentary on work as proof of magic and economics as power and opening the door to both self-power and social power and that itself being magic; the political commentary and EVERYTHING going on with Mirnatius and Irina individually and as an arranged, very political marriage; the mythology of the world...yeah. yeah. if there’s anything i would recommend you on this list wholesale not knowing you, it’s Spinning Silver. 6) then, Sensory: Life on the Spectrum (Rebecca Ollerton) had come out, so I worked my way through that---it’s a comic anthology entirely from autistic artists talking about various parts of their experiences. I found it mostly to be geared toward autistic acceptance/narratives surrounding “life sucked. then i got diagnosed with autism/learned autism exists and realized im Not shit, im just Neurodivergent,” which is a fantastic resource to have and i’m very glad it exists, but the comics that stood out to me the most in the anthology were the ones that deviated from that structure. The two most memorable comics in the anthology, to me, was one that used pocket watches (the artist’s special interest) as their central imagery, and one that had circulated around tumblr that discussed neurodivergence and non-negative self-injury using stylized fruit characters. I would mostly recommend this anthology to someone who is new to the autistic community, or to neurotypical people.

7) i hit a bit of a slump after this (because how the fuck do you follow Spinning Silver?), but I was literally like, 85% through a reread of Norse Mythology (Neil Gaiman) via audiobook from a road trip I went on in May, with only about an hour and a half left to listen. So I wrapped that up. I had never listened to the audiobook---the first (and only) time I read Norse Mythology i began it just before my flight home from college......and then I devoured it across my two flights home and two flights back, despite my return flights being at like, 6AM. Hearing it in Neil Gaiman’s voice and cadence definitely brought the stories he was telling to life, whether on the winding back roads of Tennessee or in my living room while I finished an art project for a friend’s very, very belated birthday. 8) the last and latest book I’ve finished is Turtles All the Way Down (John Green), which was good, and then the last two pages absolutely knocked me flat on my ass. it was like, “oh, this is a good YA book about mental health, and there’s nuance without losing sight of the fact that Mental Illness Is Fucking Hard To Live With, and everybody feels 16, and---oh my fuck WHAT” so anyway. no spoilers, because to spoil it would be to ruin your chance to get knocked flat, but Turtles All The Way Down for YA book about living with mental illness of all time.

--- in December, I set a goal for myself to read 12 books in 2022.

...I read eight of the ten books I’ve completed this year since September. 

Four of those I read in one (1) month with COVID.

I was prescribed ADHD medication at the end of August. 

this isn’t the blog where I yell about all that, but... i cannot imagine how different college could have been for me. how different my life could be.

anyway, meds are an access need.

[donutloverxo]

Princess

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs and welcome and much appreciated. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+. Please🙏🙏

Based on a request. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers.

Summary - Your pussy is sore so Curtis uses your mouth.

Warnings - explicit sexual content (m/f) , age gap (reader is in her early twenties, Curtis is 34), innocent/naive reader, dub con, oral (m receiving), soft dark!Curtis, au, porn without plot.

Pairing - Curtis Everett x reader

Word count - 2k

You were jerked away when you heard the knob to your room on the snowpiercer rattling, and then being closed as his footsteps followed.

You didn't remember a lot before the train, you were just a kid when the old world came to an end. 

You saw glimpses of grass and sunlight in your dreams, you weren't sure if they were dreams or just fragments of your imagination. 

But even in your wildest dreams, you didn't imagine a bed this soft and a room this big. Big enough to fit the bed and two dressers and a large mirror. It was decadent and all you could wish for and more. 

So it should make you happy to be here. In a comfortable bed like a princess. Shouldn't it? 

It didn't. You wanted to enjoy this time while it lasted, but your gut told you that you were temporary. Just here to warm the leaders bed. 

"Curtis…" your face heating up as he studied you, his powder blue eyes twinkling in the dim light, getting rid of his coat and cap. Goosbumps erupted all over your body as you held your soft comforter upto your chest,to give you some sense of modesty and dignity even if Curtis had taken it all from you and made you a woman just weeks ago. 

You used fantasy to escape your grim reality quite often. It's easier to dream of a Prince Charming riding on a white horse to save you then to accept reality for what it is that you would've been stuck working in the greenhouse for the rest of your life… all alone. 

"How many times do I have to tell you?" he hissed, tearing the comforter away from you, holding onto your wrists to reveal your beautiful breasts to him. "You're mine now. You can't hide from me."

"I'm sorry…" you hung your head in shame, and so you wouldn't be caught peeking a glance at Curtis pulling his shirt over his head, followed by him unbuckling his belt. 

He was… beautiful. You never knew anyone could be so handsome. His shoulders wide, a light scattering of hair all over his torso, multiple scars on his body. But they only, strangely, made him more appealing to you. 

He climbed on top of the mattress, nudging your knees apart and situating himself between them. He growled as he looked at your bare sex, using two of his fingers to part your lips as you hissed in pain. 

"It's… I'm… sore," you explained when he looked up at you. 

He nodded back to you, pushing barely an inch of his forefinger inside you, he didn't want to hurt you. Your pussy was clearly swollen and overworked. If he gave into his urges he would be sure to cause you pain, and even worse, lose what little trust you have in him. 

He had suffered enough to last him seven lifetimes. He already knew he was going to hell for all that he had done. It wasn't like he could doom himself anymore by forcing you to be with him. And he deserved you. After all that he had gone through. You were his light at the end of one long and shitty tunnel. 

He pulled his hand away when he looked at your face, pinched in pain. Instead settling on fondling your breast as he thought about how to take care of his erection. 

He had taken your body four times the previous night, which was why you slept the day away. How he managed to go out and get stuff done, and be the leader was beyond you. 

"You like what you see, princess?" He taunted you when he caught you staring at his hard cock. 

The little pet name was initially what he used to mock you and how shy and delicate and innocent you were, but now he had come to cherish you. He wanted to protect you as if you were his sweet little scared princess and he was your brave knight. 

You immediately averted your eyes and started sputtering nonsense, your brain froze and you literally didn't know how to answer him. And Curtis had made it very clear that when he asked you a question you were to give him a proper, clear and honest answer. Or face grave consequences. 

"Um, yes?" Which was the truth. You had seen a few male genitals in your life, they were all… not very appealing. But it was different with Curtis. His was beautiful and intimidating at the same time. 

"Then how about," putting his leg over yours, he crawled to the top of the bed, kneeling before you with his hard, pulsating length was right in front of your face. "You make me happy."

"Oh…" you simply stared. Your friend had told you that you were 'one lucky bitch' to have a man like Curtis who spends hours pleasuring you with his mouth, his fingers, and his manhood, but never forced you to return the favor. You didn't even know how you would go about doing that. 

You had explored your own body before. Partly because of your curiosity and partly for some relief. But Curtis touched you in a way no one else could, he made you climax harder than you ever had before, you were pretty sure you passed out once from the sheer intensity of it. 

But… how does one go about doing the same with a man's special place? 

"Hm," you looked at his slit, it looked somewhat similar to your bud, you held onto his length, putting your thumb over his tip where the pearly liquid oozed out of--with which he often loved painting your whole body with, or pump you full of it and just watch it seep out of you. 

You realised how bold you were, that you should seek his permission before touching him there, you looked up to see him pleased with your actions so you decided to keep going.

You lightly pressed your thumb on his slit, making him hiss, you whipped your head up and pulled your hand away. 

"Sorry…" you sniffed, your vision becoming blurry as your eyes teared up, "I've never.. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry…" you sobbed. 

"Stop," he said softly, wiping your tears away with his thumb.

You really were such a scared little lamb. Years of pent up frustration, where he had to make do with just his hand, didn't help making you feel safe with him either. But what the hell was he supposed to do when he had such a beautiful woman next to him as he slept? 

"Just listen to me. Can you do that?" he asked, cupping your jaw as you meekly nodded. "Open your mouth as wide as you can," he told you, pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb. 

Oh. It made sense. He puts his mouth on you so you should be able to do so on him as well. You opened your mouth with an 'ah', panicking just a bit when he put his hand around your throat, but he hushed you and asked you to relax. Since your body, mind and soul really did belong to him now, you immediately calmed down, knowing that he won't hurt you. Not too much anyway. 

He pushed his length in your mouth. The taste wasn't at all what you expected. Not that you were sure what it would be like anyway. It tasted creamy and salty at the same time. You coughed and sputtered around him, your spit trailing down your chin. You thought that the mess would make him angry but then you recalled how much he enjoys the mess he makes of you. 

He stopped when he felt his tip hit the back of your throat on his palm, "Good girl," he cooed, stroking your need. "Look up here," he ordered as you looked at him through your big doe eyes, "Keep looking at me okay?"

You didn't know if you were expected to give a verbal answer, because you couldn't… Not with a mouthful of Curtis. So you nodded the best you could. 

"Hands on your thighs," he said as you put your hands on your bare thighs with the palms up. "Right now just sit there… just like that," he rasped as he pulled his hips back before bucking them forward, "And look pretty. Fuck… that mouth of yours… and it's all mine to do whatever I want with…"

He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You did as you were told, sitting and taking his assault on your mouth and throat. His ejaculate, your tears and your saliva drooling all over your lap. He was making love to your mouth, just as he did between your legs. 

You could feel slick running down the side of your leg, not wanting to ruin the pristine white sheets and to create some much needed friction you closed your legs together. 

He stopped his hips, the tip of his cock still in your mouth as he saw you squirming. "Touch yourself." He said. 

Your eyes widened as you realised what he meant. You couldn't risk pulling him out of your mouth to protest. You were too embarrassed to do that in front of him as well. 

"That's an order," he growled as he fucked in to your warm mouth, making you choke around him, pushing him closer to his release. 

A shaky hand made its way to your core, past your pubic hair and between your thighs. You tried to emulate how Curtis touched you. 

First he touched your thighs and kissed them all over. Then your ass and then he'd tease around your lips, torturing you for what would feel like forever before touching you where you most needed him. 

You gathered your intimate juices, spreading them around your vulva before rolling your pearl between your fingers, moaning around his length. 

"That's it, princess… come on, come with me," he groaned, slowly fucking into your mouth, holding off his release so he could watch you fall apart as he came in your mouth, one hand tangled up in your hair and another pinching and twisting your nipples. 

Soon you were whimpering, you tried to tell him that you were close. Thankfully he seemed to understand as he picked up the pace. Fucking into your mouth till you could feel streaks of his release on the back of your throat. 

You held onto his thigh so you could sit upright as your orgasm washed over you. Your nails digging into his skin as you screamed around his length. 

"Swallow it all," he commanded as you gulped down all that you could. 

You took in some much needed oxygen as he pulled his softening cock out of your mouth, your chest heaving as he laid down beside you and pulled you into his body.

He thought you'd want to sleep after. Since you were so swollen and tired. He'd have to take it easy on you from now on. Maybe use your mouth every now and then to give your pussy a rest. 

But then… 

Were you grinding against his cock? 

He propped your chin up so he could look at your face, the most innocent look on it. 

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Um… are you done?" you asked, tracing a scar on his chest. 

"You want something, princess?" he asked, pinching your buttock as you yelped. 

"I was thinking… we could make love? It doesn't feel right not to. You know?"

"Right, of course, princess. Since you asked so nicely." He smirked as he climbed on top of you. 

Taglist -

Permanent: @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @thehumanistsdiary @navybrat817 @la-cey @captainsdolly @bluemusickid @zaddychris @the-wayward-robot @aikeia @kidney9-9 @notyourtypicalrose @selfcarecap @miraclesoflove @saiyanprincessswanie @gotnofucks @efferuse @americasass91 @coffeebooksandfandom @chrissquares @drabblewithfrannybarnes @sweeterthanthis @cloudystevie @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @tenaciousperfectionunknown @labella420 @golden-ariess @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @starbooty

Chris Evans characters: @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @angrythingstarlight @goldenfightergir @dangerouslovefanfic @melchills-j @xserenax-13

[colorguardian10]

The enchanted sequel Disenchanted was pretty good but I have Thoughts, and it ended up also being an analysis of the Hocus Pocus movies. Major spoilers ahoy!

These movies make me feel like movie makers are starting to wake up to how to make better sequels. Both stand as good stories on their own, that use the scenario and themes of the previous movie as the jumping off point, not just jerking around its corpse. Both are in dialogue with the previous movie’s themes without regurgitating nor trampling on them.

Hocus Pocus 2 continues the idea of classic witches in a modern setting, and shows the triumph of cooperation over simple, fantastical ideas of power. They’re not going for grand metaphors - it’s a children’s movie.

The teenagers triumph with familiarity of their surroundings, pottery kilns and garage setups, but it’s temporary, and undone with the quirks of those same modern tools. The witches stop burning in the timed kiln and Roombas clean the salt circle. Engaging on the witches’ terms goes badly.

The witches, as cool and confident as they seem, are completely alien in their motivations and divorced from reckoning with the real world. They look right at the camera to tell you that they eat children and delight in people dying as they wonder at TVs and try to eat skin cream.

And I do want to draw attention to “alien”. The bit right at the beginning of Hocus Pocus 2 when the kids ask “who are they even performing for?” and the witch appears behind them and says “You!” is eldritch horror.

They’re so cool and confident *and bumbling* because they’ve completely lost their grasp on reality. The sequel tells you immediately that they’re so self-absorbed that they only bother not teleporting everywhere to please a nonexistent audience.

Anyway again, the lesson of the Hocus Pocus movies is that lust for power is bad: in the first, Max tries to engage with the witches’ view of things and accepts that someone will be sacrificed for the desires of the powerful, and almost dies.

But because he isn’t selfish and chooses himself, everything gets delayed enough that it’s the witches’ downfall.

In the second, the book is cool with so much bad shit, but as soon as Winifred finds a single limit, she pursues it, without heeding the price she’ll pay. She pays it anyway, of course.

She gets lucky that she gets a happy ending, only because she’s willing to go down to her sisters’ new level, and because someone is compassionate enough to help her using the same power that she used to live forever. The compassionate helper has the book now.

Enchanted is also a very in-your-face lesson: We need to seek out joy where it actually is, not where it’s supposed to be. Everyone, perhaps, needs a dose of both reality and magic to guide us.

Giselle gets a small dose of reality. She talks over Robert’s concerns, and it works! She tries to impose her view on this world of everything always going to plan with her prince, and it goes less well.

The prince never even tries to engage with NYC and pratfalls everywhere. (Much like the witches.)

But the much bigger story is Robert’s and Nancy’s. Both feel unfulfilled and desiring a goal over reality. In sweeps Giselle.

She believes in everything being good if you just accept it as part of the grand plan. She finds beauty in rats and cockroaches, buskers, costumed dancers, shy geriatric lovers, and children’s plays. Robert starts to get a spark of joy back in his life.

However, he’s focused on his goal of proposing to Nancy, which is what he’s supposed to do, and Giselle and the prince are focused on finding each other, which is what they’re supposed to do.

For everyone, the magic of true love’s kiss is in something they wanted, not something they were told.

The evil queen isn’t the real antagonist, apathy is. Robert and Giselle don’t find magic because the queen lost, she loses because they both found magic in NYC. The evil queen is defeated for contrived reasons. She’s from fairytale land too, and in a good world she loses.

The sequel continues this theme, and still has the children’s movie simplicity of the original 2000’s movie. It tries to examine the same lesson from the other side: Now it’s Giselle’s turn to get a stronger lesson on the virtues of dropping a fairy tale view.

She tries to fix everything by moving to suburbia and it doesn’t work, she tries to fix everything by forcing magic into the world and it doesn’t work.

The lesson is again that Morgan and Giselle need to find joy in their relationship with each other. Maybe Morgan want independence and Giselle wants a fairytale ending.

The true happy ending happens when Morgan sees Giselle as her mother because of the memories they’ve shared, not because she’s compelled to love her mother.

Under fairy tale rules, Morgan and Giselle have to be hostile just because she’s her stepmother. In her role, Giselle can now only find joy in places that are toxic for her.

They both have to find love in the real relationship they have instead, and the magic of Andalasia accepts that, because under fairy tale rules, true mothers and daughters do love each other.

It’s a really cool story that asserts that found family and nontraditional families can be magical and loving, and that even fairy tale magic can accept stepmothers. It expands the way that Giselle finds magic where there shouldn’t be.

I think it could have gone further.

I think, instead of Morgan being Giselle’s “true daughter” and being able to harness the magic of Andalasia, they could have asserted that reality has its own magic.

In the real world, stepmothers don’t have to be hostile! You don’t have to be someone’s “real mom” to be the best thing for them! There’s no script, just what you have and what you make of it.

And when it does work out, it’s much more satisfying than everything magically working out because it’s supposed to.

I think Disenchanted should have had the virtues of reality be found by the magic believers of Giselle and Morgan.

Giselle becoming an evil stepmother isn’t the antagonist, even the ambitious Ms. Monroe becoming an evil queen isn’t the antagonist, sticking too hard to Andalasia’s stories is the antagonist. We want this world, where Morgan and Giselle can put in the work to love each other, despite what the story says.

Now, finally, all three members of the family have found joy by looking around them instead of listening to their presuppositions.