#but it's important to remember that in the grand scheme | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starlightkyeom · 5 months ago

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building blocks | yjh

(agreeing to be the teaching assistant is the last thing you want in a semester where you're already swamped with work. but, you need a letter of recommendation from the professor and you're out of other options. enter jeonghan, the menace who signs up for the class seemingly on a whim and disrupts your entire routine.)

pairing: master's student!jeonghan x TA!f!reader genre: university!au, strangers to loveres | fluff, minor angst, attempt at humor, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: 19.7k (idk what to say atp) warnings: mentions of eating and drinking, jeonghan briefly drives a motorcycle, they're both engineering students but i don't claim to know engineering, the angst is minor because there's some miscommunication smut warnings: lots of kissing, hand job, fingering, slight voyeurism? (jeonghan watches reader finger herself), kind of loser!jeonghan, missionary sex, nothing really crazy all things considered

a/n: this is for the TA collab hosted by the amazing @camandemstudios. those two have been working so hard on this and i can't wait to read all the fics. but go easy on me because i know next to nothing about structural engineering. credit to @caelesjjk for this banner, it's so amazing 🥰 also thank you to everyone that helped me brainstorm along the way @ugh-yoongi @haologram @highvern and of course to @wqnwoos for letting me borrow her name.

note 2: this isn’t proofread. i had something come up irl and wanted to get it posted, so i’m sorry for any errors! i’ll come back to it next week when i have a minute.

(tag list at the end)

Your entire academic (and professional, for that matter) career has been a battle. A fight to be taken seriously. A fight to get the right classes. A fight to make the right connections. A fight for every inch that you’ve gotten. There are times that you wonder if it’s all worth it, wonder if anything should be as hard as this. But, all you’ve ever wanted was to be an engineer. To be able to leave your mark in some sort of meaningful way, even if that’s also a little conceited. It’s all you want and you’re so close to getting some much needed room to breathe.

Except…

You have to make it through one last semester of this damn Master’s program. You managed to find a sponsor to allow you to commit to a final semester full time, with only part time research work. That’ll put you in a good position to carry on for your PhD, with your dissertation topic already picked and funded. Things had been going entirely too smoothly, in hindsight. You should have known. Everything about your application to the upcoming program is perfect. Except for the final recommendation. And, of course, the professor to give that recommendation won’t just give it to you to recognize the years you’ve put into this. No. He implies that there’s something he needs from you.

Nothing really awful, in the grand scheme of things. Not for someone that does want to return as a lecturer at some point down the road. It’s just that you didn’t really want to be forced into a teaching assistant position for Professor Choi’s introductory structural engineering course. It’s the course that weeds out who’s actually going to carry on with the civil engineering branch of the Master’s program from those who may switch out to something that better suits them. Which, again, isn’t a huge deal, except that you remember how burnt out the TA looked from when you took the course and it’s the last thing you need during your final semester. It’s hard to know that some portion of your future hinges on doing this. It’s also hard to forget another friend of yours admitting Professor Choi had given him a recommendation without the hoops.

Whatever.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.

So you schedule your regular meetings with the professor, make a separate email folder for all course related communication, jot down the important dates, and figure out which lessons you have to help plan. First up is going to be the introductory class. Professor Choi comes in and introduces himself while you distribute the syllabus, an odd task when everything is available online through the portal, but he likes things in hard copy. Once he’s done his introduction, he leaves the rest of the first class to you, as he had with the TA in your course during your first semester. For a moment, you consider pointing out that this is a Master’s level course and you don’t really need to do the typical introductions. Most of these people have busy lives and, even though they’ll have to work together on projects, can manage without syllabus week. But, Choi is old school and you know it. You also need his letter, so what’s the point in trying to change his system? You’re not here to do anything other than fill a spot that he was having trouble filling, get your letter, and go.

When you scan the roster before the first day, nobody particularly sticks out. There are a couple of relatively familiar names, though you’re not sure you can place faces to them, but most of the students seem to be in their first semester of the program. It only takes getting to the introductions for someone in the course to stick out, though.

“Well, I’ve always been good at building Legos. I figure, how different can it really be?” one student answers.

It takes everything in you to school your face back into a politely interested expression when the rest of the class bursts out laughing. Your initial reaction had been incredulity. Surely he couldn’t be serious. There’s no way someone just wandered into this program because he liked building Legos. The laughter from the rest of the class dies down and you keep your attention on him.

“Why did you really join the program?” you ask. That’s what every student was supposed to be sharing. A problem for this student, apparently.

“That is why I joined,” he says with an infuriating smirk.

“What did you say your name was?” you ask.

“Jeonghan,” he answers without anything else.

You consult the roster in front of you and put a star by his name. This is someone you know you’re going to have to keep an eye on.

“Did I get a star already?” he prompts, earning another few chuckles from his classmates.

“Something like that,” you say and then turn to the person next to him. “And why did you join?”

Nothing else grabs your attention during the remainder of the introductions. Several students volunteer what they’re hoping to get out of the program. One brave student says she’s heard that Professor Choi is tough before asking for your opinion. Although you give a neutral answer, you make a note to speak to her privately to address her (very valid) concerns.

When it comes time for you to return to speaking about the rest of the semester, you expect Jeonghan to interrupt in some way. He gives the impression of someone that likes causing a little bit of chaos or bringing attention to himself. Instead, he simply listens, notes something down occasionally, and gazes at you so intently that you nearly feel yourself flush. It would be a lot easier to ignore him if he didn’t look like some kind of model, though. You catch yourself looking at him more than once when other students are sharing answers. His nearly black hair falls in longer layers around his face, not quite reaching his collar in the back. There’s something almost delicate about his nose, about all of his face, really. His features are soft in a sort of beautiful way. It’s only when he catches you looking that you shake any consideration of his features from your mind.

Once there’s only a few minutes left, you dismiss the class with a reminder that your email is beneath Professor Choi’s on the syllabus and you’re always around to help them. This class, you share, can be daunting and you’re here to help them get through it in one piece. That part comes out genuine because you do mean it. None of these students are to blame for the position you’re in. It’s not their fault that they have a TA that doesn’t really want to be in the position. So, you’re not going to make them suffer. You’re going to help them just as the TA for your class helped you. You make a note to reach out to him and ask for some advice.

Jeonghan’s eyes linger on you as the other students get out of their seats and begin talking, mostly about what they’re most excited for in the coming semester. You have to break first and look down to collect some papers from the desk. It also helps to remind yourself this is the same student who said he joined the class because he likes Legos. Ridiculous. When you look back up at the class, you’re half expecting to see his attention is still on you. It’s not. He’s joined a few classmates and is leaving the room without a backward glance.

Legos, you remind yourself, and return to gathering your things.

The one good thing about all this is that it’s an evening course, designed for people that have to work during the day. When the class is over, you get to go straight home to eat dinner and meld into the couch with your roommate, who also happens to be your best friend.

You: i’m tired, want me to pick up food on the way home?

Bestie boo: i already called in an order from that one place you like so you can pick it up on the way home

You: wow who are you and what have you done with my best friend?

Bestie boo: i didn’t pay for it

You let out a snort because that’s exactly the friend you know and love. He has to cover up ordering your favorite food from your favorite restaurant, which is sweet, by reminding you he’s still a giant pain in the ass. The gesture is enough for you to ignore it and just let him have this win. Maybe you’re off your game, but you’re a little tired.

“You should watch where you’re going.”

The comment nearly makes you jump out of your skin. Sure, you scare easily as it is. But it’s worse when the voice comes out of seemingly nowhere. Of course it’s Jeonghan from your class, leaning against the wall just outside the building. His eyes glint at your reaction, like he’s enjoying it. Maybe he is. A second later, he pushes off from the wall to come closer.

“And you shouldn’t scare people like that,” you retort when your heart slows a bit. He’s looking at you conspiratorially. “Did you have a question from the class?”

“No,” he answers easily.

“So…” you start.

“Do you memorize the faces of all your students so quickly?” he wonders, continuing when you give him an odd look. “Or am I special?”

“You made an impression,” you say neutrally.

“A positive one?” he presses.

“I didn’t say that,” you counter.

“But, still, you remembered me. Unless you learn all your students' faces before class as TA duties,” he says.

You sigh and decide to give him a partial truth, one that’s less likely to bite you than admitting his face is one of the only ones you remember. “I haven’t been a TA before so I don’t have a manual for how I’m going to approach it.”

“Happy I get to be your first, then,” he says and turns to walk away. He turns back over his shoulder with a wicked smile and calls, “see you next class!”

Your mind is preoccupied all the way to the restaurant to pick up the food and all the way back to your apartment. It’s only been one day of class and you can already feel that this student is going to be a menace. Worse than that, he seems like he knows he’s getting under your skin and wants to press it even further. Realistically, you just have to get through any of the classes that you lead. Otherwise, he’ll be the professor’s issue.

Seungkwan is waiting on the couch, aimlessly scrolling on his phone when you walk into the living room, takeout containers in hand. It’s relatively familiar, though you know that he also likes to be out whenever he can. A perpetual social butterfly.

“Today was already fucking annoying,” you moan when you set the boxes down and flop onto the couch.

Seungkwan gives you a sympathetic look. “At least you’re one step closer to getting what you need from that idiot.”

You’re confused for a moment because you hadn’t been thinking of Professor Choi at all. “Oh, yeah, no. I wasn’t talking about Choi.”

“What was the issue then?” Seungkwan asks as he leans forward to get his food.

“There’s this guy in the class and I don’t know. I can’t figure him out,” you offer. “He’s so annoying. Like who signs up for a structural engineering class just because he likes building Legos? And that smirk. Ugh. I hate him.”

“Sure sounds like it,” Seungkwan quips.

“Fuck off, I do,” you double down.

“What’s he look like? Is he cute?” he wonders.

“Does it matter?” you ask.

“No. You answered anyway,” Seungkwan says with a grin.

“Fine, yes he is attractive because for some reason I’ve been cursed. Why do all you annoying people in my life also have to be hot?” you whine, casting a look at your roommate.

“Did you just call me hot?” he barks through a laugh.

“Fuck off, just pick a show. It’s your turn,” you say with a push on his arm.

You make it through the first few classes as a TA without much to report. Jeonghan tries your patience, but there’s not much he can do during the class and he doesn’t linger afterwards. That’s usually when Professor Choi wants to debrief on the course material and make sure the next class is ready. The class is also just starting to get into the real material and away from the foundational information.

But, now the course is well and truly underway, which means you have to announce that you’ll be starting to hold your own office hours every week. Of course, Choi also has office hours and students could take advantage of those. Probably would, if not for the fact that he encourages the class to go to you first to try and resolve anything. Something about how he’s very busy and that’s why he has a TA. It’s exhausting and just another obstacle in getting what you need.

After getting feedback from the class, you decide to set two different times for office hours, one during the late afternoon and one during the early evening to accommodate schedules. A few students show up right at the start of your first office hours session with similar concerns. So, you invite them in and start to work through a few practice problems to illustrate the point that they’re struggling to understand. It’s actually surprisingly easy to work in this way. You would never admit it to Professor Choi, but it’s actually kind of enjoyable. There’s value in helping someone understand a difficult concept. It’s also really rewarding to watch the comprehension dawn on the faces around you as each of them seems to grasp what you’re saying.

Honestly, you can’t imagine your first office hours going any better when you’re already an hour into it and you’ve been working with the same three students. Of course, just as they’re gathering their things to head out, feeling more confident than when they showed up, Jeonghan appears in the doorway. He doesn’t even say anything at first, just looks around at the other students. They seem oblivious to what’s happening around them.

“Thanks again,” one student says as he’s standing up.

Another student catches sight of Jeonghan and she smiles. “Oh, sorry Jeonghan. We didn’t know you were having trouble with any of the concepts or we would have asked you to join us.”

“That’s fine,” he says easily. “I was busy until just now anyway.”

“Do you all feel confident with the topics? Or would you like to stay and go over something now that Jeonghan is here?” you ask, trying not to appear hopeful. (And failing at that pretty miserably.)

“Oh no, we’re definitely set. And we had plans,” the first student says with a look over at Jeonghan.

The three of them exchange goodbyes with Jeonghan and head out, allowing Jeonghan to close the door behind them before plopping into a seat at the table in your office. He’s directly across from you, which makes it hard to avoid his eyes. When you do meet his eye, though, he’s got a sneaky, all-knowing look on his face. You don’t like the loot of it one bit.

“What’s with the look?” you ask.

“What do you mean?” he retorts quickly.

“You’re making a face,” you say.

“Are you saying you don’t like my face?” Jeonghan asks, pretending to be offended.

“Why are you here, Jeonghan?” you ask to switch tactics.

“These are your office hours. I’m here to ask questions about the material,” he says.

“You don’t need any help with the material so far. I’ve graded your problem sets and the answers have been perfect,” you admit.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” he muses.

“I’m not answering that. It brings me back to my question, though. If you don’t need help, why are you here?” you press.

“Why does it seem like you don’t like me?” he asks.

“I don’t have any feelings about you either way,” you deflect.

“Now, that’s not true,” he disagrees.

“You’re determined to get under my skin,” you say, half as a joke.

“Determined to figure you out,” he corrects. “It doesn’t seem like you’re all that excited about being a TA.”

“That’s because I was forced into it,” you blurt out and immediately clap a hand over your mouth. That’s the last thing you meant to say. “I didn’t mean…”

“Now we’re getting somewhere in this relationship,” he says, sitting back into his seat with a satisfied smile.

You heave another heavy sigh, a common occurrence around this man. “Why are you so determined to figure me out? Why do you care how I feel about you?”

“Because everyone seems to like me right off the bat,” he says.

“I can see why,” you deadpan.

“So can I stay? Or do you have very important things to do?” he asks.

“It’s my office hours, so I’m here to help students until the two hours are up,” you admit.

“Perfect.”

The next few times that you hold office hours feature Jeonghan showing up for the second half. It seems deliberate that he doesn’t show up right when they start, especially because you always have at least one other student in your office. If there’s another student there, he joins in to ask questions along with whoever else is there. When it’s just him, his questions are much more personal. It’s obvious that he wants to know you. Know your likes and dislikes, know the things that make you tick, know who you are when you’re not at school. Seems very convinced that the version of you outside the walls of the engineering building is very different from the one he sees. Jeonghan doesn’t seem to realize that he’s slowly getting more and more of a peek into who you really are. Thankfully, he doesn’t bring up your slip about being forced into being a TA.

It doesn’t make it any easier to be around him.

It should. You should be able to get used to his particular brand of torture. Yet, with each new piece of information you learn, you unlock even more questions. It’s like you can’t ever really figure him out. Or maybe that he doesn’t want you to. He’s very careful to give vague answers about the serious things, while he goes on and on about the things that don’t matter. He’ll spend a solid five minutes talking about the latest Lego he’s building, but then breeze past the few questions you ask about him personally. It usually includes some sort of quip about how he’s wearing you down and how you clearly want to know him better.

“Bet you thought you were escaping me today,” a voice says, startling you out of your thoughts.

“Jesus Christ,” you gasp. Your heart beats a mile a minute as you look up to glare at the intruder.

“No, Yoon Jeonghan. I can see the confusion, though,” he says and you sigh heavily.

“Office hours are almost over,” you point out.

“Not for 20 more minutes,” he counters.

“Right, but I was in the middle of grading something,” you say, indicating the design plans in front of you. He glances over at them.

“Hm,” he says.

“What, Jeonghan?” you ask with exasperation.

“Just doesn’t look like mine is all,” he says and plops into the chair across from you.

“Well obviously,” you say. “Can’t exactly grade your project with you sitting here.”

For some reason, that makes him break out into a wicked grin. “So you aren’t grading my assignment because you were hoping I’d show up.”

Ah, yes. Now you see your mistake. Should have definitely seen that coming, too. “You’ve come to every other session. I wasn’t hoping you’d show up again, but it was a fair assumption that you might.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” he says placatingly. “D’you have a question?” you ask. The tension headache you associate with Jeonghan’s presence in your life is threatening to make an appearance.

“Nope,” he says, popping the last syllable.

A notification on your phone stops you from responding to him and you unlock it immediately. It seems that Professor Choi needs to give you a stack of assignments and instead of just walking a few doors down the hall, he had to send a message. You drop your phone back on the desk with the message still open and take a calming breath.

“Everything good?” Jeonghan asks with more care than you’re used to.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back. Have to go pick something up from Professor Choi’s office,” you say, already on your feet and heading towards the door.

It only takes a minute or two for you to go and come back. For once, you’re thankful for Jeonghan because it gives you the ready-made excuse that you’re just wrapping up office hours with a student waiting for you to return. He doesn’t need to know that student hasn’t ever asked you a class related question without another student present. You’ll take the wins where you can get them. The pain in ass in question is still sitting exactly where he was when you left him.

He looks up at you as you walk back in, set the folders on the corner of your desk, and sit back down. “You really hate Professor Choi.”

“I didn’t say that,” you counter quickly. Probably too quickly.

“You didn’t have to. Sometimes you have a really expressive face,” he comments and looks back down at his phone.

“Only sometimes?” you wonder. Jeonghan looks back up to regard you.

“It’s always expressive, but you work a little harder to control it in class than you do outside of it,” he decides. “You mentioned something about being forced into this. Why be a TA if you hate it?”

“I don’t actually hate being a TA,” you clarify. He seems to accept this at face value. “It’s just…I didn’t…no. Why am I doing this with you?”

“Because I’m asking?” he offers.

“I had never considered being a TA. I wasn’t opposed to it, I just hadn’t really fit it into my schedule. It has been a lot of fun, though,” you say. It’s the first time you’ve noticed how much attention Jeonghan gives you. The way his eyes are on you and it seems like he tunes out any other distractions.

“How did you end up here, then?” he asks. Any teasing or lightness is gone from his tone.

“Please don’t make me regret giving you the honest answer,” you say warily. “But, I’m applying for my PhD program. I have everything that I need…except for a final letter of recommendation.”

“Oh, you’re joking,” he says and actually does look offended on your behalf. “He’s making you TA for him in exchange for the letter? That’s why you said you were forced into it?”

“Yup,” you respond, popping the end of the word like he had done earlier..

“Well, that’s definitely shitty but I’m still counting myself lucky that you ended up with this class,” he says.

“I can’t figure you out,” you admit.

“I know.”

That should be annoying, the way he says that he knows you can’t figure him out. It’s like he’s not even trying to hide that he’s making it difficult to get to know him. Yet, he’s not making it a secret that he wants to get to know you better. There’s just something about him that prompts you to share things you wouldn’t with anyone else. No, that’s dramatic. It’s just easier to share with him than it usually is with someone else that you barely know.

Despite asking again if Jeonghan has any questions, he insists that he’s fine with just sitting there to keep you company while you have to wait to see if any student comes by in the last minutes of your office hours. For a change, he doesn’t ask any personal questions. Doesn’t try to press you into admitting things that you usually wouldn’t. He just takes out his laptop to make it look like you’re actually helping him in the event that anyone checks in on you.

Nobody does. The last few minutes pass quickly with you returning to grading the assignment you had been working on. The two of you gather up your things in relative silence and Jeonghan walks with you out to your car so that you can head home. You’re expecting something else or something different, but that’s all there is. Just a walk to your car, a smile with a goodbye, and him heading off in another direction. It’s somehow the strangest and most normal interaction you’ve had with him. It makes you pause to wonder if this is the real version of him. A little quiet, a little reserved. Not being a menace to anything and anyone in his path.

It’s not until you’re back home, sitting on the couch with a glass of wine while watching some variety show with Seungkwan that you realize it wasn’t quite the normal interaction you thought it was.

Jeonghan: i appreciated you telling me the truth about the class today

The message lights up your screen and all you can do is stare at it without being able to believe it. How are you getting a message from Jeonghan with his contact information saved? You’re racking your brain trying to figure out if you gave him your number, or saved his, and just didn’t remember.

“What’s with your face?” Seungkwan asks.

“Wow, that was nice,” you retort.

He looks over at your phone where the notification still shows a message from Jeonghan. “Finally gave him your number, huh?”

“No, I -” you start when another message comes in.

Jeonghan: you left your phone unlocked when you went to Choi’s office and I figured it was time for us to exchange numbers

Seungkwan, now more invested in your messages than in the show in the background, lets out a low whistle of appreciation. “Wow, he’s good. I see why you like him.”

“I don’t like him, Kwan,” you sigh.

“Sure,” he says dismissively.

As if to prove something, you make a show of moving your phone over to the end table and turning it over. Seungkwan gives you a Look that plainly says he’s not buying whatever it is you’re trying to sell. Otherwise, he lets you go back to the show that you’re watching without bringing it up again.

The text thread with Jeonghan seems to haunt you every time you open your messages, at least until there are enough conversations to push it out of your view. Surprisingly, you don’t get any more texts from him when you don’t answer. He also doesn’t show up to your next office hours, which is a bit odd to you. And you can’t vent to Seungkwan about it because he’s still very convinced that it’s only a matter of time before you end up sleeping with Jeonghan. Ridiculous, honestly. Like you would waste your time on someone you’re not even sure you like.

That carries you through to your next class. It’s a slightly more complicated lecture that Choi does every semester to try and scare students off this path. He claims it’s so that everyone knows what they would be getting into. You suspect that it’s his way of reminding everyone just how smart he is. Not exactly the most flattering trait, but you suppose that he probably doesn’t care about that. Doesn’t need to. He’s been teaching so long that his job is guaranteed at this point.

The good thing, though, about knowing Choi won’t need you during the entirety of the class is that you get to just sit at the back of the class and do some work. It gives you the chance to get through grading some of the assignments for the class without having to take time away from something else. Let’s you get absorbed into that to tune out the grating sound of Choi’s monotonous voice as he tries his best to warn students off the path. You’re so absorbed that you don’t notice the way that Jeonghan periodically glances over his shoulder to where you’re sitting, trying to catch your attention even for a moment.

When the class comes to an end, you make your way up to the front as you would any other time. It’s a little irritating to have to check if there’s anything Professor Choi needs like you’re his personal assistant, but you’re also resigned. What you’re not prepared for, though, is that he calls Jeonghan up to the front of the room.

“Yes, Professor?” he says with so much respect and deference that it almost feels real, if you didn’t know how he feels. One of the only personal things you actually know about this mystery of a man..

“I really enjoyed your proposal for the final project using Legos,” Choi starts. “Every few semesters, I get someone that seems to think being good at using plastic building blocks means they’d make a good engineer. But, you’ve actually been doing wonderfully in the class. So, I want you to work with my TA here to refine the idea a little bit. I don’t think you’re meeting your full potential with it yet.”

“Oh, well Professor Choi…” you start and he waves a hand.

“Surely it isn’t a problem to help foster the best student in my class, is it?” he challenges.

“No, of course not,” you concede.

Professor Choi wears a triumphant smile. “Good. I’ll leave the two of you to coordinate your schedules. See you next class, Mr. Yoon.”

The formality of calling students by their family names nearly makes you roll your eyes. It’s only when you note the glint in Jeonghan’s eyes that you catch yourself. The two of you say your goodbyes and a silence settles in Choi’s absence.

“Should I just stop by your office hours tomorrow?” he asks when it’s clear you aren’t going to say anything.

“Sure, that works,” you say. “You stop by most of them anyway.”

“Does it bother you that I do?” he asks, a note of something you can’t detect in his tone. Maybe vulnerability.

That makes you soften. “No, of course not.”

“I can back off if it’s making you uncomfortable,” he says with a forced smile. “Maybe it was too much adding my number to your phone.”

“We can talk about boundaries when I see you during office hours tomorrow,” you joke. At least it seems to bring a real smile back to his face.

In a strange turn of events, Jeonghan shows up to your office hours only two minutes after they start. You haven’t even gotten yourself fully unpacked because you weren’t expecting him to show up at the beginning. Not when he seems to show up in the latter half every other time.

The differences continue as you settle into the work the professor assigned the two of you. Jeonghan pulls out his proposal, something you hadn’t actually seen yet, and talks you through his ideas. His idea had been to submit a design for a brand new structure built to scale entirely using Legos. It’s ambitious in a way because the blocks only come in certain shapes and sizes. You can’t just cut something down to fit the size that you need. It requires a good amount of forethought. But, for someone like Jeonghan who’s taken to the course like a fish to water, it doesn’t seem like it’s quite enough. You can see why the professor asked you to help him work through it a little bit more. It needs to be fleshed out a little further.

As the two of you go back and forth with ideas about how to give it an element that makes it more impressive, you’re stuck by how easy it is to work side-by-side with him. How well the two of you work together. It’s like every visit before this has been building up to the level of comfort you have now, even if you’re still pretending that you don’t really know him. Maybe you don’t, though. It’s not like he ever gives you real answers to your questions.

“Why Legos?” you ask as the two of you are feeling stuck on where to go to expand on the proposal.

“Because it’s funny to see how annoyed you get when I bring it up, so I figured it would be funny to imagine you grading my final project that has to do with Legos,” he says with that same look.

“Be serious for once, Jeonghan,” you sigh. “I’m trying to help you with this. It’s the least you could do.”

“Sorry,” he says after a moment and shifts in his seat. “It’s, well, it’s just always been the way that I zone out and reset. At first, it was just when I needed a break from dealing with people because I had to focus on the instructions. Then, I started to think about how impressive it was that they were able to form these insane shapes with building blocks. Then, it started to get more elaborate with me testing out what worked and what didn’t when I built my own designs.”

It’s one of the first truly real and truly honest things he’s said to you. Not hiding behind a joke or brushing off an answer. It’s just him and you feel like that one response helps you know him better than all the hours he’s spent in your office up until that point. It also helps you realize what the proposal was missing in the first place: something personal from him.

Ultimately, what is going to make this project stand out is something that makes it personal. A structural engineer doesn’t really need to design a building or a bridge or any other structure. They do need to design and analyze any of the support systems, though, which can be a dull job at times. Adding something more human will make it stand out. So, you suggest that Jeonghan take it a step further than just modeling a structural support system from Legos. You suggest that he set it up almost like instructions for an established set. But, instead of simple drawings to make it step by step, you suggest that he include little snippets about his previous experiences with using Legos, how he tests it to make sure he structure will hold, and any calculations he does for load capacity and gravity.

Initially, he seems a little unsure. It’s easy to see that talking about things that are more personal to him, especially for a final project, is uncomfortable. After a lot of reassurances that nobody but you and Professor Choi will see it if he doesn’t want them to, he finally agrees that it’s a good idea. It does seem like he’s at least excited about the prospect now, though.

While he’s rewriting his proposal to submit to the professor, you get back to what you had planned to do during the first part of your office hours before he showed up: grading assignments. Once again, his isn’t on the stack to be graded. Out of habit, you always grade his first and some time when he’s guaranteed to not be around. It’s oddly comfortable to work like this, grading papers while he types away on his laptop across from you.

Once he gets through typing up a new proposal, he asks if you would be willing to read it over. You’re just about to suggest that he email it to you, when he just hands his laptop over. Seems unconcerned about having you his laptop. Although he watches you carefully as your eyes scan through the words, it feels like his only concern is what you think about it. Which doesn’t need to be a concern at all. It’s perfect, as far as you’re concerned.

You tell him as much when you look up with a smile. “I love it.”

“Don’t be nice to me now,” he says nervously as you hand the laptop back over.

“What?” you ask.

“You don’t need to spare my feelings now when you’ve been ignoring my texts,” he says like he’s trying to protect himself.

“So much to unpack there and we’ll return to the texts,” you say, a little exasperated. “But, I’m not being nice about the proposal. It’s perfect and I genuinely can’t find a single thing I’d change. Choi’s going to love it.”

“Ah, well, he was right in getting your help. I wouldn’t have gotten here on my own,” he admits and it does actually make you smile again.

“Still your idea,” you say to encourage him.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” he says and you know it’s the real him for a moment.

“Okay, but back to the texting,” you say to shift.

“The boundaries chat, wonderful,” Jeonghan says, returning to his previous mask of being a menace.

“You really shouldn’t be going through a stranger’s phone and adding your number,” you chastise.

“We’re not strangers though, are we?” he challenges. “And I didn’t go through your phone.”

“No?” you ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Your phone was still lit up when you left so I called myself quickly and then created a new contact, and then locked your phone and put it back,” he says like it’s the most normal sentence in the world.

“That’s insane?” you state with a level of shock.

“I really wasn’t trying to cross some sort of line,” he admits with a shocking level of sincerity. “I just really like getting to know you and I figured you’d feel weird about giving a student in your class your number, even though you’re still a student as well. So, I just wanted to make it easier. If you don’t want me to have it, you can delete it right out of my phone.”

Jeonghan holds his unlocked phone out to you and it’s open to your contact. For some insane reason, you do actually believe what he said. It’s easy to see how he might want to befriend you and be hesitant on how to do that. He strikes you as the kind of person that can put on a mask of liking to be social, but really would much rather be at home or in a small setting like in your office with you. And you do actually enjoy having him around, even if you keep trying to pretend that he’s basically a stranger to you. He’s not wrong, either. You would have felt weird about exchanging numbers with him. You’ll never admit that to him.

He must see the hesitation on your face because he retracts his hand. Waits for you to say something, though. “I guess it’s not the worst thing that you have my number.”

“That’s almost a positive,” he jokes. “You could give a guy false hope that you actually might be starting to like me.”

“Oh, now I wouldn’t go that far,” you quickly tack on. “Wouldn’t want you to get a big head.”

“Have you seen the grades I’m getting? I already know I’m doing something right,” he brags.

“I have seen your grades since I’m usually the one grading them,” you remind him. “So, I have to balance it out.”

“You just wanna break my heart over and over again,” he whines.

“You’ll survive,” you deadpan.

Everything seems to carry on as it always does. You have to make sure you’re keeping up with all of your actual classes for your degree. Grade assignments when Professor Choi hands them off to you. Give feedback on the upcoming topics. Most importantly, you find plenty of time to disengage from all the hustle of classes. To enjoy time with friends where you can let your brain just wander onto things that don’t matter nearly as much.

Even though you don’t ever text Jeonghan first, it doesn’t seem deterred because you do always answer the messages that he sends to you. Some of them are idle thoughts throughout the day. Others are questions that he wants answers to and seems to think he’s more likely to get them over text than during the hours he spends in your office. Your favorites, though, are when he texts you some wildly out of pocket statement and then gets you to debate him on it because it’s always something completely inane. Something meaningless. It gets you so fired up, though.

“He’s so infuriating,” you complain as you forcely set your phone down on the couch next to you.

“I’m guessing we’re talking about Jeonghan,” Seungkwan says from his position on the other end of the couch.

“Why would you immediately jump to Jeonghan?” you ask.

“Bestie, we haven’t talked about anyone else but Jeonghan all semester,” he says. You fling a pillow at your roommate.

“First, you’re being dramatic. And second, yes I talk about him a lot. He’s infuriating,” you say.

“Whatever you say,” Seungkwan says dismissively.

“I might hate him,” you say.

“They say hate sex is the best sex,” he says without taking his eyes off his phone.

“And they say killing your nosey roommate isn’t actually a crime,” you retort.

Seungkwan looks up at you and smiles. “Let’s do it baby. I know the law.”

“You’ve been spending too much time around Vernon,” you scoff.

“Maybe, but if you kill me, who’s going to lend their ear to you and listen to your troubles?” he asks.

“Van Gogh,” you answer immediately.

“He’s dead,” Seungkwan says with an arched eyebrow, carefully avoiding the more obvious retort.

“And so are you to me right now,” you say flatly.

“Touche,” he says with a light laugh. “What’s he done this time that’s got you all pissy?”

“He’s spent the last 20 minutes debating with me over whether or not a hotdog is a sandwich,” you say, expecting Seungkwan to think it’s just as ridiculous as you.

What you’re not expecting, though you should be, is for him to pick up Jeonghan’s side in the debate and make you rehash everything you’ve already talked about. It sounds like such an innocuous topic. Something so outlandish that it could possibly spark debate for more than a few minutes. Yet, here you are, having the same debate all over again. It makes you even more heated despite not having a stake or opinion before Jeonghan asked you. In fact, you had never even considered the question. It was one of the most effective he had posed since he started sending you random questions or opinions like this.

Somehow, though, your biggest mistake is telling Jeonghan that your roommate got just as invested as he had about the topic. Worse when you told Jeonghan that Seungkwan was on his side. It made it immediately obvious that you could not ever let those two meet. It would spell an instant demise for any remaining sanity you had left. The realization that they would be instant best friends is terrifying.

The debate about whether or not hotdogs are sandwiches lasts all the way until the next day when Jeonghan shows up at your office hours, right at the start. The look on his face tells him that he’s about to carry on the text conversation. But, thankfully, he falls silent when you say that you actually want to get some grading done unless he actually has a question about the course material. It makes him soften, actually, and he agrees that he’ll sit at the little table and work on some of his own homework. It doesn’t really give the impression that he’s asking you for help, though you’re sure that you could sell it if you needed to.

Normally, it’s not all that distracting to have Jeonghan in your space. Probably because he’s there so often that you’re kind of used to him by now. That’s a thought you don’t allow yourself to dwell on too long. It’s easier to maintain the idea that you kind of hate him than to consider what your real feelings might be. Yet, those thoughts seem to be swirling in your head just by him existing in the same space as you. If he’s equally affected, then you can’t tell. His fingers seem to fly across his keyboard as he works steadily on something.

Without warning, his voice interrupts the rhythm you finally find. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You’ve never asked permission before,” you note, but don’t look up.

“I wasn’t sure if it was an office hours question,” he says with a little hesitation.

That does get you to look over at him. “Is it about the course material?”

“No,” he says.

“Shocking,” you sigh. “Well, whatever it is, let’s have it.”

“Do you want to go out and get dinner sometime?” he asks, looking more vulnerable than usual.

It’s enough to make your heart both constrict and threaten to beat out of your chest. Does he know that you’ve been sitting here internally debating what your actual feelings towards him are? Has it been that obvious on your face?

“With you?” you ask to buy yourself time.

“That would be the idea, yes,” he says with a nervous chuckle.

“I don’t know…�� you start.

“You don’t know because you’re trying to spare my feelings? Or you’re not sure for some reason?” he asks to clarify.

That’s such a crossroads kind of question. You’re not actually sure what the answer is yourself. All you know is that you feel immediate panic at the thought of one of the professors, especially Professor Choi, seeing you out with him. It’s not that there are any rules about TAs and students dating. After all, TAs are just students themselves. But, since you’re doing most of the grading, setting some of the assignments, and even leading some of the classes, it’s frowned upon. It could give the student actually in the class some kind of perceived advantage. The thoughts just go rapidly flying through your brain as you look over at Jeonghan’s expectant face.

You decide on some version of the truth: that it doesn’t matter what you think, it’s not a good idea for you to blur that line. That if someone from the university saw you out, that it could possibly jeopardize everything you’ve spent years working on. That Professor Choi seems even more old school than most of the other professors. You’ve already sacrificed so much. It’s just not a risk you think you can take.

What you don’t say: that the question actually confuses you. That you can see yourself saying yes to finally figure out what exactly it is that’s going on with you and Jeonghan. You wonder what type of place he would pick. Wonder what he’s like when it’s really just the two of you without the risk of someone else butting in. You wonder if maybe he’ll answer all those personal questions that he’s so fond of dodging when he’s sitting in your office. It actually makes you wonder if saying yes is worth taking a risk when you’ve been so careful with everything in your entire academic career. It’s the kind of thought that really terrifies you even more. This is a man that you can’t even figure out your feelings towards and yet you’re considering taking a massive risk.

It’s one of the most intense office hours you hold and you’re left with more questions than answers.

It’s been another exhausting day between your own classes, research, and doing work as a TA. Sure, there are definite upsides to your schedule. It helps you feel like you have a complete grasp on the material. It also helps you feel like you might be well suited to being a lecturer or even a professor yourself down the line. You also know that you’re giving more to your time as a TA than you need to. It’s just that you don’t want to leave anything to chance. The stronger the recommendation from Choi, the better.

When you get to your apartment, Seungkwan is in the kitchen with Vernon and Chan. Which should be a concerning sight, since none of them are exactly great cooks, but you’re too tired to really care. You’re also kind of starving and whatever they’re making smells good. What’s the worst that could happen? So you call out quick greetings before heading into your room to drop off your things and change. You reemerge to the sounds of them bickering back and forth.

“Hey, do you want to try some of what we’re making?” Chan calls.

“She’s going to say no,” Seungkwan says.

“I’m starving. I’m down to try whatever it is,” you disagree.

“Looks like Chan wins this one,” Vernon teases.

A beep from your phone distracts you from engaging in the bickering back and forth. It’s the last thing you’re expecting, though it shouldn’t be. Ever since Jeonghan managed to get your number, and heard your half-hearted chat about boundaries, he’s been bothering you whenever he feels like it.

Jeonghan: have you thought about what I asked? You: no Jeonghan: don’t believe you You: my answer hasn’t changed Jeonghan: that it's not a good idea? You: exactly Jeonghan: that’s not a no You: isn’t it? Jeonghan: listen, I respect you and if you tell me no, I won’t ask again Jeonghan: the only thing I’m going to ask if you actually think about it before saying no You: fine

“Hello? Are you there?” Seungkwan asks, snapping his fingers in front of your face.

“Huh?” you ask.

“Oh, she’s gone girl,” Chan says with a laugh.

“Who were you texting?” Seungkwan asks. He gives you a look that screams he’s about to tease the shit out of you if you’re honest.

“Oh, nobody important. Just a friend,” you say dismissively.

“Are we calling Jeonghan a friend now?” Seungkwan teases.

“It wasn’t Jeonghan,” you say with an eye roll.

“Who’s Jeonghan?” Vernon asks.

“I think he’s that guy we’ve been betting on when she’s gonna finally give in and sleep with him,” Chan says in an undertone to Vernon.

“I’m not going to sleep with…hang on. What the fuck?” you ask, wheeling around on Seungkwan. “Have you been betting on me again?”

“Only when you’re being an idiot,” Seungkwan says with a shrug.

“Wait, again?” Vernon asks.

“Bro, we have been involved in other bets,” Chan says.

“I need new friends,” you grumble.

From there, it devolves into the usual bickering that you associate with your friend group. Sometimes you wonder how you even got so sucked into this friend group where they’re two or three years younger than you. You’re incredibly thankful for them, though, even in moments like this where you want to strangle them.

Dinner moves into watching something and playing a game. It always goes the same way. Chan or Vernon take care of picking what to watch since they watch more TV and movies than you and Seungkwan. Conversely, Seungkwan usually picks the game, which is never a good idea because he always picks something that he’s good at. It doesn’t really matter to you, at least. Your brain tends to be fried from classes and research and all that. It’s nice to let them just make the decisions and chime in when you have something to say.

Thankfully, the conversations quickly move past your friends and their complete conviction that you have feelings for Jeonghan to much less serious topics. Sitting there, though, you feel an overwhelming sense of peace even in the chaos. Even when you say that you need new friends, you know that you wouldn’t trade these friends for the world.

It’s been just over a week since you promised to give Jeonghan’s question actual thought. You’re still not entirely sure why you agreed. It’s not like you’re actually going to say anything other than no. It’s been a little weird, though, because Jeonghan hasn’t brought it up again, either. It’s like he’s actually been true to his word. He even skipped your office hours when he would usually show up just to bother you and pretend to ask questions.

Since your workload has been a little light, you agree to go out for drinks with Seungkwan and some friends. It’s a much needed night to unwind and just not think about any of the issues that plague you during the week. It’s a night of ridiculous conversations while you all give each other a hard time about nothing that really matters. Eventually, as is always the way it goes, Seungkwan gets up and kicks off some karaoke. It’s a blessing and a curse. He’s got an amazing voice and you feel like you should be paying to hear someone sing that well. But, then he wants other people to join him and none of you are that keen to embarrass yourselves by following him.

Casting your eyes around the bar, they land on someone in a leather jacket. As you watch, he shrugs it off and sets it on the back of his chair. There’s something compellingly beautiful about him. He runs a hair through his short, perfectly textured black hair and turns his face slightly to the side. You’re appreciating his profile for a second before it hits you. This isn’t some stranger. It’s Jeonghan. It’s just that he’s clearly cut his hair and styled it differently. You quickly return your eyes to your group and only can hope that he hasn’t noticed you yet. Then again, Seungkwan has been loud and singing before returning to your table. Most people seem to have noticed him. Still, since Jeonghan hasn’t texted you or come over to say anything, you figure that maybe he hasn’t seen you. No matter what, you down another drink to forget about checking him out.

By the time it’s your turn to go up to the bar and get another round of drinks, you’ve mostly pushed the thought of Jeonghan out of your mind. With your back to his table, it’s been much easier to act like he doesn’t exist. Once you’re at the bar, it’s a little more difficult. Your eyes find his table without even meaning to. His jacket is still there, but he’s not.

“Looking for me?” a soft voice asks from just beside you.

It makes you jump a little to realize that he’s somehow right next to you. You try your hardest to act like you’re unaffected when you turn to face him. Try to act like you didn’t realize he was there. Kind of fail at that, honestly, because you’re one drink past the point of being able to pull it off. “Hey, Jeonghan. How long have you been here?”

He smiles that mischievous smile that always makes him look like he knows something that you don’t. “I saw you looking over at my table. You knew I was here.”

“I almost don’t recognize you with the new haircut and that leather jacket,” you say and only realize your mistake a second too late.

“The leather jacket back at my table?” he asks, raising an eyebrow in challenge. “I saw you checking your phone too.”

“Were you watching me?” you challenge.

“Yes,” he admits freely. “You’re nice to look at.”

“Oh, well that’s not…I didn’t mean,” you stutter out, saved by the bartender setting a small tray down of drinks for you and your friends.

Somehow, though, because life isn’t fair (and neither is Seungkwan), your best friend picks that moment to waltz over claiming he wants to help with drinks. What he really seems to want is to introduce himself to Jeonghan. Even goes as far as pretending he hasn’t heard Jeonghan’s name before. Seungkwan manages to sell it better too and you think it would probably pass with anyone else that wasn’t paying such sharp attention. It’s only then that you notice Jeonghan doesn’t have a drink in hand. Doesn’t really seem the slightest bit drunk. Which is fine until Seungkwan manages to make it even worse by inviting Jeonghan and his friends to come join your group.

Then, something else that’s kind of weird happens. Jeonghan, who has spent the entirety of the semester up until about a week ago terrorizing you, barely says anything to you at all. He talks about his favorite artists with Seungkwan. Asks Chan for suggestions on some movies that he’s recently seen. Even laughs about random ass memes with Vernon. His friends, whose names you can’t even remember, fit in just as seamlessly. It’s a little…well, uncomfortable. It’s giving you entirely too much time to think and you don’t like it.

So, you do the only reasonable thing and you keep getting drinks. Stay just on the right side of drunk so that you’re aware of your surroundings, but not sober. It makes it easier to deal with everything happening around you.

As the night continues on, your merged groups seem to ebb and flow. Some people wander over, drawn in by the fact that it seems like a fun place to be. Other times, some wander off to make new friends or have new conversations. This is especially true of Seungkwan, which you’re used to. Your roommate is one of the most social people that you know. And then people start to make their excuses to leave as it gets later. How you end up outlasting Chan is a mystery, since he seems to have endless energy. It’s fine, though. You still have your roommate.

Well, until he tells you, without nearly the amount of shame that he should have, that he’s going to be bringing someone home that he got to talking to about karaoke. It’s a little unlike him, at least until you realize that the person isn’t a stranger. They’re definitely someone that Seungkwan has talked to before. It still leaves you a little lost on what to do or where to go.

“I never ask you for anything,” Seungkwan pleads. It’s patently false. He’s always asking you for things, just never things like this.

“I could text Chan or Vernon to see if they’ll let me crash on their couch,” you say, trying to quickly clear the cloudiness from your brain.

“Don’t they put their phones into DND as soon as they get home?” Seungkwan asks.

“My only other option is to just go home and put headphones on,” you say.

“You could come crash at my place. My roommate won’t be back from a trip til tomorrow,” Jeonghan offers.

“Perfect! Thank you!” Seungkwan rushes out.

“Um? Seungkwan? You can’t just send me to some stranger's house?” you protest.

“He’s not a stranger. He’s been in your class all semester and at your office hours nearly every day,” Seungkwan says with an eye roll. Jeonghan looks vindicated hearing this piece of information. “You’re so dramatic.”

“It’ll be fine. I can sleep in his room and you can sleep in mine. I’ll even make sure you have fresh sheets if you’re worried,” he says.

This is definitely a bad idea. Even though you’re not drunk, you’re definitely not sober enough to pretend you’re not at least a little bit interested in Jeonghan. Everything about him seems to be a study in contrasts. Confident but not in some toxic masculinity type of way. Chaotic but serious at the same time. Silly to where he would say he joined a class because he’s good at Legos but also genuinely smart. And beautiful in a way so few men seem to be. He’s just something entirely his own.

You shake your head because you realize you’re spacing out. This is a terrible idea and one you probably wouldn’t agree to if you were sober. It’s not like he’s actually a stranger, though. Jeonghan seems to have realized the conclusion before you open your mouth. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Dangerous question,” Jeonghan says with a glint in his eyes.

“I love you,” Seungkwan says and wraps you up in a hug before skipping off.

“Are you ready to leave, then?” Jeonghan asks when it’s just the two of you.

“Yeah, might as well,” you say. He nods, looking a little unsure for the first time since you’ve known him and turns to grab his jacket. Says a quick goodbye to his friends and you try to ignore the looks they cast over at you.

“Let’s go,” he says a minute later.

“Are we calling an Uber or something?” you ask.

“I’m sober because I rode my bike here,” he says as he leads the way outside.

“I’m sorry, you rode your what?” you ask, brain slow to catch up with what he’s saying. It’s then that you notice he didn’t just grab his jacket. He’s got a helmet as well.

“Bike,” he says and indicates a motorcycle parked outside the bar.

That brings you up a little short. It’s the last thing you would have expected when you thought of this man. Though, maybe it shouldn’t have been. After all, you said he was a study in contrasts. Isn’t this just another one of those?

Somehow, the more you look, the more it seems to suit him. It’s not some big, clunky bike. Not what you typically think of when you think of a motorcycle. It’s sharp and beautiful, just like he is, even if you can only admit that in your head. He pulls open a compartment that seems to be under the backseat and hands over a helmet.

“Promise I won’t go too fast,” he says with a softer smile than you’ve seen on him before. Like he’s actually trying to reassure you.

Sure, it’s not the first time you’ve been on a bike. It’s just that of all the ways you could have seen this night ending, this wasn’t one of them. At least you’re not feeling too self conscious as you slide onto the bike behind Jeonghan and wrap your arms around his waist. You miss the way his breath stutters as you settle in close to him. Miss the way his heart starts to beat out of his chest because you’re too focused on getting comfortable. Don’t even think twice about clinging to his lean frame. But, even with the drinks, it’s hard to ignore the way that your body slots perfectly against his. Or the way your thighs squeeze against his hips. Maybe there’s a lot more to whatever has been happening than you’ve been admitting to yourself.

Once you reach Jeonghan’s apartment, he carefully helps you off the bike and then puts a bit of distance between you again. It’s the first time that you notice he seems nervous, like maybe, you think, he might be reconsidering if this was a good idea. There’s not really much you can do about that now. You promised Seungkwan that he could have some privacy in the apartment and you’re already here. It can’t possibly be so bad that you really regret coming here. It could even help you sort through the very complicated feelings that are making their presence known.

Inside the apartment it’s incredibly cozy. Not at all like you imagine two single guys would live while they’re in school. It’s not overly cluttered, but it doesn’t feel cold either. Jeonghan disappears as soon as you both have your shoes off, which lets you look around at some of the decorations. He returns with a spare t-shirt and shorts for you to change into. Despite your insistence that it’s fine, he just presses them to you and indicates where the bathroom is for you to change.

It feels oddly…comfortable. Like this isn’t the first time you’ve seen him outside of class or your office. It also makes you take a little longer to change because you have to process whatever you’re feeling. Since you’re not sure exactly what to do after you change, you peek your head out into the living area. Jeonghan is setting some snacks and water out with the TV on in the background. You take it as a sign that you’re supposed to come out and join him. Momentarily, he disappears into his room and reappears also wearing more comfortable clothes.

The confusion only gets even worse from there. Maybe it’s just that Seungkwan’s gotten into your head. Since you’re finally processing that you might be interested in being something a little more with Jeonghan, you expect things to go a certain way. Seungkwan, and your other friends, for that matter, seem to think it’s only a matter of time before you cross over into being more than friends. Subconsciously, your brain must have latched onto that. Even wanted it, a little. But, now you’re here, and Jeonghan doesn’t do anything. He’s not the smooth, confident person that you’ve gotten to know over the course of the semester. He doesn’t try to pull any moves on you. Just makes sure that you’re comfortable, that you like the snacks, and that you like the show he has on.

It all feels like it’s a little too much and so Jeonghan shows you the way to his bedroom. Your nerves feel frayed because surely, this is the moment where things finally shift. Surely this is when he makes whatever move he’s held off on making up until this point. Quickly, you brush off the need to change the sheets. It’s not like it’s that big of a deal if something else happens. Without giving your brain a chance to overthink it, you lean in to give him a hug. His whole body tenses for a second and you’re about to pull away, when he finally relaxes and wraps his arms around you.

“You know, you can just sleep in your own bed,” you offer carefully.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he says through an emotion that you can’t place.

“I won’t be. Plus, I’d hate to force you into your roommate’s bed,” you suggest again, meeting his eye to reinforce the point.

“Oh, well, it’s…” he starts, eyes avoiding your gaze.

“Really, Jeonghan, it’s fine. Your bed is big,” you say.

“Okay,” he agrees and walks to the other side of the bed.

It’s confusing, to say the least. He slides into the opposite side of the bed without meeting your eyes again. You’re not exactly sure how to give him another sign that you want something else to happen without making it too obvious, especially because it’s not clear if he wants that. The guy constantly in your office was just on the right side of flirty. Always trying to wear you down. This Jeonghan in his apartment is much quieter, more reserved. Like he’s not really sure what happens now that he’s gotten you outside of school like he claims he’s wanted.

“D’you usually sleep with the TV on?” he asks and you pull a face.

“I’m not a psycho,” you snort.

“Good to know after I let you into my apartment,” he jokes back and turns on the TV anyway. “I’ll set a timer just in case we both fall asleep.”

Confusing. You’re laying in bed with this person that up until tonight you referred to as basically a stranger and there’s just…nothing happening. The two of you are plenty close enough that you could brush up against him, yet not touching at all. His attention seems to stay forward on the TV. Occasionally, he shifts to get more comfortable, but he doesn’t get onto his phone or even really look over at you.

Thankfully, the bed is comfortable and without even realizing it, you drift off to sleep laying on your side, facing Jeonghan. The last thing you remember is looking up at his face. Appreciating the cut of his jaw and the way the light from the TV threw his features into contrast. Then nothing but the easiest sleep you’ve had after a night of drinking.

In the morning, when it’s too early to wake up after a late night but late enough that the sun seeps through the curtains, you have a momentary panic wondering where you are. Slowly, the night before settles back into your brain and you relax into the bed. It’s only when you feel a weight around your middle that you wonder if everything is coming back. It is, though. You think back to the last things you remember before falling asleep. Jeonghan was safely on his side of the bed. Now, his arm is draped over your waist and he’s breathing rhythmically like he’s still fast asleep. For once, instead of overthinking it, you just slow your brain back down and drift back into sleep. After all, this is one the right path to what you wanted the night before.

The sun is fully up when you wake up again if the light streaming around the curtains is any indication. That’s not the only difference, either. There’s no weight around your waist and, when you look over your shoulder, the other side of the bed is empty. Which isn’t entirely surprising when your phone tells you that it’s nearly noon. It’s very unlike you to sleep in that late, but it makes sense. You’re just thankful that Jeonghan insisted on giving you so much water and something to make sure you didn’t wake up with a headache. Even though you’re still a little tired, you’re not hungover and that feels like a miracle.

But, what do you do now? Nothing happened last night, despite genuinely feeling like Jeonghan had some level of interest in you. But, then he did share the bed with you and curl up to you during the night. Maybe that was his subconscious way of showing what he couldn’t say. You’re out of the bed and nearly out the bedroom door when you hear voices drifting in from somewhere else in the apartment. Voices, plural. One is clearly Jeonghan, but the other sounds female and that stops you in your tracks.

The decision is immediate once you hear the second voice laughing at something Jeonghan says. You open your group chat with Seungkwan, Chan, and Vernon to ask if any of them are around to pick you up. Chan is the first, and fastest, to respond, saying to drop your location and he’ll be out the door to get you in a minute without any questions asked. That’s more than you’re expecting and you’re incredibly thankful. Makes it feel like one weight has been lighted as you quickly and quietly get dressed back into the clothes you wore the night before.

Chan texts you to let you know he’s only a few minutes out. That’s your queue to actually leave the bedroom and make an appearance out in the rest of the apartment. Jeonghan’s back is to you and it looks like he’s got a cup of coffee next to him. The other person you heard from the bedroom is, in fact, a woman. She’s stunning in an effortless way that actually makes your head hurt a little bit. It has absolutely nothing to do with the drinks the night before, either. Her eyes land on you and there’s a smile you can’t place. It could be saying that she knows she won, despite whatever effort you made. Something on her face must tip Jeonghan off because he turns around.

And it’s worse than you thought, immediately. The smile on his face is both welcoming and soft, like he’s actually happy to see you. It only makes the whole thing more confusing. Why is he looking at you like that with one of the most beautiful people sitting across from him?

“You’re awake,” he says, still smiling. “I hope Hana here didn’t make too much noise.”

“Sorry, babe, I only have one volume setting,” she, Hana, apparently, says with another smile you can’t place.

“Do you want coffee? Something to eat?” Jeonghan says and starts to get out of his chair.

“No, no, it’s fine. My friend is almost here to pick me up. Thanks for letting me crash last night,” you say without fully meeting Jeonghan’s eyes. It means you miss the confusion that settles in there.

Without a backward glance, you’re out the door and down the elevator. It’s only another minute or so before Chan pulls up, shockingly by himself, and smiles softly at you as you get into his car. All he asks is if you’re hungry and then starts navigating to your favorite place to get breakfast food that’s open at least into the early afternoon. It’s exactly what you need right now.

Chan lets you just be in your head while he drives with music playing softly in the background. It might be a dangerous decision, honestly. All you can think about are reasons for that person, Hana, your brain supplies automatically, to be in Jeonghan’s apartment like that. His roommate wasn’t home, to the best of your knowledge, so that means she was there for Jeonghan. Was that his girlfriend? Was that why he was so reluctant to do anything the night before? On some level, you do know that’s probably not the right answer. The rational part of your brain knows that he wouldn’t be so calm if that was his girlfriend. There’s no space in your brain for rationality right now, though. So, you’re going to stew in the feelings that she could be dating someone.

“Do you wanna talk about whatever happened last night?” Chan asks once you’re sitting opposite of each other in a booth.

“Not really,” you say. “Nothing happened last night, though. So, you don’t have to worry about whoever wins the bet.”

“I’m not worried about some stupid bet. I’m worried about you,” he says.

You shrug. “I think I might actually like him.”

“No shit,” Chan says with a knowing smile.

“You didn’t let me finish. I think I might like him and I don’t think it matters,” you say.

“Start at the beginning and we’ll figure this out together.”

It’s been a week since whatever happened at Jeonghan’s apartment and you haven’t spoken a word to him since leaving. Not that he hasn’t tried to speak to you. After breakfast with Chan, you realized you had both texts and missed calls from Jeonghan trying to figure out what went wrong. Those stay unanswered. Even if you’re being stupid, you can’t really bring yourself to behave in a different way. When the next class comes around, you avoid his eyes as much as possible. The one or two times you do look over at him, he looks incredibly hurt and confused. It’s funny, you think, how he’s the one that’s acting put out by this whole situation when you’re the one who had to wake up to some other woman in his apartment without understanding anything.

That leads to your first office hours. Thankfully, Jeonghan doesn’t show up to those like he normally would. The office feels a lot quieter, even though other students stop by to ask questions. It just all feels very professional and detached. Not comfortable in the way it does when he drops by. It’s hard to admit, even to yourself, that you had gotten used to having him around. That you even looked forward to it. Somehow, you’re not really sure how, Jeonghan became one of your favorite parts of every day you saw him. That realization makes you want to crawl into your bed and hide forever. No matter what, it doesn’t feel like you’ll have the option to go back to that. It sucks to realize it just took you too long to come to the very obvious conclusion.

Now, at least, it’s the weekend again so you have a short reprieve from all things school related. Well, all things Jeonghan related because you still have your own homework to handle, assignments to grade, and a new week to prepare for. At the very least, you deserve a little bit of a treat. Texting the group chat makes you realize, though, that a lot of your friends seem to have their own things going on.

Seungkwan is out spending the day with the same person that he brought home last weekend. They seem like they’re really enjoying getting to know each other, which you’re rooting for wholeheartedly. You want your roommate and best friend to be happy. Vernon is kind of vague saying that he’s got other plans. With anyone else, you might think that he’s also seeing someone. You just know that he tends to be a little spacy when it comes to sharing plans. Knowing Vernon, he’s probably just off with some friend of his. Once again, Chan comes through and says that he could really use a coffee. Apparently, there’s some new cafe by him that he’s been wanting to try out. It feels like an excuse because Chan will absolutely go anywhere by himself, but you take it all the same. He’s actually probably the easiest of your friends to speak to about this, even if he’s younger than you are.

One sip into your drink proves that this is the best decision for a Saturday afternoon. Chan chatters away about the things that have been going on in his life. He’s taking more dance classes in every free moment he has and it’s nice to see the way his face lights up talking about it. He certainly seems happier than any time you see him talking about his actual classes. Think about suggesting he give up one thing to pursue something else that would truly make him happy. His face is different when he’s happy like this. It makes it obvious how strained he feels with everything else.

A laugh pierces through the crowd and it gives you the worst sense of deja vu. Suddenly, you’re back in Jeonghan’s apartment. Which is crazy, right? What are the odds that he and the mystery woman are in this same coffee shop at the same time as you and Chan?

Not impossible, apparently. Well, at least in part. Your eyes cast around for the source of the laugh when they land on the mystery woman sitting with someone else that you don’t recognize. Your brain tries to stutter over the name before it forces you to think, Hana. Just as you’re about to look away, her eyes find yours like she could sense someone looking at her. She flashes a smile, which you try to return, before looking back at Chan and whatever story he’s sharing.

That should be it. Except, when she appears by your side a moment later, you realize it’s not. She has someone else you’ve never seen in tow behind her. Chan, not always as quick on the uptake, looks up at her in confusion.

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you remembered me…” she begins and you’re quick to answer.

“I do, yeah. Sorry about the other day,” you say. Chan’s face has a look of dawning comprehension.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m sorry if I did something to offend you. I didn’t even catch your name,” Hana says and you open your mouth to share before she cuts you off with a wave of her hand. “No, Jeonghan told me. He’s done nothing but speak about you for weeks now.”

“And I thought I could be annoying,” the mystery person says from behind Hana.

“Oh, I’m so rude. This is my boyfriend, Joshua,” Hana introduces and your brain short circuits. What? Boyfriend?

“And Jeonghan’s roommate. I hit traffic coming back last weekend or I would’ve been there to meet you as well. Make the morning even more awkward,” he jokes.

“I’m sorry,” you say, rapidly trying to make your brain connect. “You two are dating?”

“Yup!” Hana says with a smile and then notices your face. “Wait, what did you think? That I was dating Jeonghan?”

“Oh, well, I don’t know. I just thought…it was still early-ish in the day and…” you stumble awkwardly.

“Babe, no. Jeonghan is very single. I was just early getting there because Joshua hit traffic and I was excited to see him,” she says. “He will kill me for saying this, but he hasn’t talked about anyone but you since the class started.”

“Please note that I had no part in spilling the beans. I have to live with him,” Joshua jokes.

“And just so there’s no more confusion, I’m one of her closest friends, Chan. Not a boyfriend or date or anything like that,” Chan says.

“Oh!” Hana says and turns to Joshua. “Jeonghan was mentioning him, remember? There was a movie we were supposed to watch.”

“Yeah, he did mention that,” Joshua agrees.

“Anyway, I’m sure you have lots to think about, but I’m nosy and I figured I’d say hi. Have a good weekend!” Hana says, full of more energy than anyone should have on the weekend. Joshua gives a smile and follows her out of the shop.

As soon as they’re out of sight, you drop your head into your hands. All that worrying and you could have just talked to him. Could have avoided this whole idiotic situation.

“Feeling kinda dumb right now?” Chan asks. You raise your head to glare at him. “I did say it didn’t seem like he was seeing someone.”

“Not the time, Chan,” you say.

“It’s completely the time. Look, yeah you fucked up by not just talking to him. But, you admitted that you liked him. He clearly likes you. Just talk to him. I’m sure you can fix it,” he says.

“I don’t know,” you start. “I was such an asshole.”

“I mean, yeah, you kind of were. But, he spent that whole night after Seungkwan invited them over getting to know your friends. Genuinely interested in everything we said. He’s not doing that just to make more friends. He wants to show you that he can fit into your life without anything really having to change,” Chan reasons and it brings you up short.

“When did you get so smart?” you question.

“I’ve always been smart, you just treat me like a baby,” he says with an eye roll.

“You are the baby in this friend group,” you point out.

“Just go figure out how to make it up to him,” Chan says.

Even though you know it was a terrible miscommunication, you’re not sure how to approach Jeonghan for the rest of the weekend. You’re also not sure how the conversation will go. So, despite knowing better, you decide to just take your time. Get yourself completely set for the coming week and figure that you’ll see Jeonghan during the next class. As much as you want resolution, you don’t feel like it would be enough for you to text him and ask to talk. That could also be taken wildly out of context.

So, you prepare for the next class. Make sure you look a little cuter than you normally would for class. Go over what you’re going to say with both Seungkwan and Chan, who’s gotten incredibly invested in the whole situation. It’s another class where you’ll just be sitting in the back and listening, which might also make it easier. You’re a little early getting there so that you can set all your things down.

But, then the class starts to fill in and you don’t see Jeonghan. Professor Choi closes the door, doesn’t comment on Jeonghan’s absence, and just starts teaching. It’s unusual. He normally takes attendance. Instead, he does a head count of the students and gets on with teaching. Everyone else is there. Jeonghan is the only one missing. You figure that maybe he reached out about missing the class. It leaves a weird feeling in your stomach, though, because you wonder if he’s okay. What if something happened to him?

At the end of class, you join Choi at the front as you do on every other occasion. The answer comes immediately when Choi looks up at you. “Mr. Yoon emailed me before the class to say that he was feeling very sick and wouldn’t be able to make it. I assured him you would send over some notes on the subject matter today.”

You try to avoid any relief that you feel at knowing it’s at least nothing that serious. It sucks that he’s sick, but at least he wasn’t in an accident or anything. You need to stop going to the worst case scenario, honestly. “Oh, sure. I’m sure he’s already ahead on the material, but I’ll send it over.”

“He’s such a good student,” Choi agrees. “Thank you for helping him with the proposal. I’m not sure if you read it over, but it’s exactly what I was looking for.”

“I did read it because he wrote it during my office hours. But, it was all him,” you say.

Professor Choi looks up at you like he knows that’s not entirely true. “I can feel your influence on it. In a good way, of course. You have a habit of helping people get to their best results.”

“Thank you,” you say earnestly. It’s the most genuine compliment he’s ever given you. He reaches into his briefcase and pulls out a folder to hand to you. “Did I miss picking up an assignment to grade?”

“No,” he says with a smile you’re not used to seeing. “This is your letter for the recommendation packet. I already sent it in, but I thought you might like to see a copy.”

“Thank you so much, Professor Choi,” you say with a relieved sigh.

“You’re incredibly bright, probably one of the brightest students I’ve ever taught,” he says and it takes you completely by surprise. “I know it’s probably seemed like I’ve been hard on you because I have been. I knew there was even more potential in you waiting to be coaxed out. I also know I made it much easier on John to ask for a recommendation. But, between you and I, your letter is much more complimentary and personal than his was. I can’t wait to see what you accomplish.”

It all suddenly makes sense. Everything that Choi has put you through since asking for his letter. It almost makes you laugh. “I’m sorry for doubting your motives for asking me to TA this class.”

Now, Professor Choi does actually laugh. “Oh, no need to apologize for that. It’s much easier to get the most out of a student when they think they have something to prove.”

“You may be onto something,” you agree.

“I’ll see you next class,” he says and closes up his briefcase to head off.

With that bit of good news, you feel a lot lighter. You almost don’t even need to read the letter (though, you definitely will later). It’s enough to know that your entire future is still open ahead of you. It makes all of the miscommunication with Jeonghan feel incredibly silly. It also makes you feel a little bolder. So, you figure that you still have the location for Jeonghan’s apartment dropped in a group chat. Why not get him some food and medicine to help him feel better? It’ll give you a chance to apologize for how you’ve handled everything up until this point.

That idea seems a little poorly thought out when you show up at Jeonghan’s apartment with soup and medication. He answers the door, looking completely fine healthwise and confused to see you standing on the other side of the door.

“Professor Choi said you were really sick so I figured I’d bring some soup to help you feel better,” you offer, holding up the bag to show him.

“Why are you here?” he asks. There’s none of the normal warmth.

“I was worried about you,” you admit.

He sighs and leans against the doorframe without letting you in. “I can’t do these mind games.”

“I’m sorry,” you say immediately. “I know I messed up really badly. I owe you an apology.”

“You might as well come in,” Jeonghan says and steps aside. “Soup does also sound good. It’s cold out.”

“Right, here,” you say and hand it over to him.

“Is there enough for you to eat with me?” he asks and takes the bag. “Oh, it looks like it. Wanna join me? And you can try to explain what’s been going on?”

“Sure,” you agree.

It’s mostly silent as Jeonghan heats up the soup and puts it into two bowls for you to enjoy it with him. He sets the bowls at the kitchen table and also sets some drinks down for you. The two of you take a few sips first before you venture to explain what’s been going on.

“I’m really sorry, Jeonghan,” you say.

“So you’ve said,” he comments. He’s not going to make this easy on you.

“That whole night when I stayed here wasn’t exactly what I signed up for,” you admit. He opens his mouth, but you wave him off. “Let me try to get this out. You were so kind and caring to me when you brought me back here. Then, I was kind of expecting something to happen and nothing did…”

“Because you had been drinking. I wasn’t just gonna be like hey, let’s jump into bed when your mind wasn’t fully clear,” he says with a scoff.

“That’s fair. I get that,” you acknowledge. “Then, I don’t know. I saw Hana sitting out here with you the next day and I just kinda freaked out. I had realized that I might actually like you and here’s this beautiful person in your apartment for who knows what reason. I worried she was your girlfriend or something.”

He snorts a little derisively at that. “That would be kinda shitty to share a bed with you and then let you walk out to find me with a girlfriend. She’s not, by the way. She’s my roommate Joshua’s girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I know. I ran into her and Joshua while I was getting coffee over the weekend,” you admit sheepishly. This seems to surprise him.

“You met Joshua?” he asks.

“They didn’t tell you?” you ask in return and he shakes his head. “Probably because Hana told me that I’m the only one you’ve talked about since starting the class.”

“I wouldn’t have even cared if I had an answer to why you started ignoring me,” he says.

“I got a bit scared,” you say softly.

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t just speak to me,” he insists.

“I know that. I really am sorry, that’s all I can say,” you offer.

“Well that and you can tell me that you do actually like me. Not that you might like me or something else vague,” he says with a glint to his eyes.

“You are…infuriating,” you say with a laugh. “You’re beautiful and smart and funny and impossibly kind. You make me want to pull out my hair at least once a day…”

“Don’t do that. You have nice hair,” he interjects.

“But, yes, I’m trying not to be scared anymore. So yeah, I do like you,” you say.

“What about being the TA for my class?” he asks and you shrug.

“The class will end eventually,” you say.

“Does this count as our first date, then?” he asks like the true demon he is.

“Only if you plan something else for our second date,” you concede.

“Deal,” he agrees.

Everything feels a little bit easier after that. A little bit lighter. Like you actually can breathe for the first time all semester. You tell Jeonghan about the letter and he suggests that you read it right then with him. It makes sense, in a way. Working with Jeonghan has brought out exactly the side to you that Choi wanted to see. It feels like this is kind of his win as well, even though he didn’t realize it. It also feels a little less overwhelming to read it with him by your side. (It’s a rave. Way better than anything you could have dared to hope for and better than any other letter written by him that you’ve read. Everything feels worth it and like it falls into place.)

Now that the awkwardness is out of the way, Jeonghan shares that he wasn’t actually sick, which you already know. It’s obvious looking at him that he feels fine. It does surprise you a bit that he admits to avoiding you to give himself time to process, though. Then he moves onto talking about Joshua and Hana, grumbling that they hadn’t told him about running into you after you relay the entire conversation. Even goes as far as to say that he would have come to class so that you could have figured all of this out. Instead, he admits telling Joshua about the plan to skip. That’s why Joshua isn’t there, though. He claimed he was going to give Jeonghan his space to work through whatever he was feeling and spend the night at Hana’s. You make a mental note to thank Joshua for that.

“How early is your day tomorrow? Do you want to stay and watch a movie or something?” he asks a little awkwardly when you finish your soup.

“Not that early,” you answer easily. “A movie sounds good, but can we watch something in your room? I feel like laying in bed and being lazy.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” he says.

“We don’t have to,” you say quickly.

“Can I say something that’s really gonna make me look…not cool?” he asks.

“Sure,” you say curiously.

“You make me a little nervous,” he admits.

That completely surprises you. Nothing about Jeonghan really seems anything short of confident in everything that he does. It’s kind of nice to see him falter. All you do is hold out a hand to him. “It’s okay, there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

He takes your hand easily and lets you lead him into his own bedroom. Seems very content to let you just set the pace of what’s happening. So, you settle on top of his covers and he hands you the remote. It’s nice to get to control what’s on the TV for a change, even if you’re not really paying much attention to it. Jeonghan is a little stiff against his headboard as you try to settle into his body.

“Is it okay if I lean against you like this?” you ask, suddenly worrying this is too much.

“Of course,” he says after a moment.

“You can tell me if…” you start.

“No,” he says firmly. “No, I’ve been thinking about this since the last time I had you in my bed.”

“Just since then?” you tease.

“No, it was definitely before then, but I’ve already lost a lot of cool points,” he says.

“I don’t want to possibly misread the signs, but are you okay with…” you start, once again, before he cuts you off.

“I am fine with absolutely anything you want to give me,” he says and you wish you could see his face. Wonder if he’s blushing.

“And if that’s just a cuddle?” you test.

“Fine,” he says.

“Or if it’s a kiss?” you ask and feel the breath he takes. “Or what about if it’s a lot more than a kiss?”

He takes another beat. His voice sounds a bit strained when he speaks. “Definitely more than just fine.”

That’s really all the confirmation that you need. Making sure you’re on the same page is important and getting this kind of consent makes it easier to relax. You settle further back into his chest and pull his arm around you, let one of your own arms drape across his lap. It feels like it might be easier for him to settle that way. So that you can’t see his face and he doesn’t have to worry about losing any more cool points. Not that those really matter with you anyway. More than anything, it’s entertaining to see the way this constantly confident, perpetual pain in the ass gets so tongue-tied now that he’s getting what he wants.

The more time goes by, the more he seems to relax a little more into what’s happening around him. His fingers absently run along your arm, raising goosebumps in their wake. He leans his head down to meet yours and you could swear his lips press the lightest kiss into your hair. His entire presence is a little overwhelming. And he smells amazing. It’s such a unique scent that you can’t place. Something light, airy, and delicate. Something that seems to perfectly suit him. It might be your new favorite scent.

Nothing about the TV show is keeping your attention. It feels like little more than a precursor to what you both know is coming. But, Jeonghan doesn’t make the first move beyond the contact his fingers make with your arm. The first actual move seems like it might belong to you, which is actually kind of exciting. It’s a bit thrilling to know that you’re going to be in charge with this man who’s done nothing but send every one of your senses into overdrive. It’s nice to know that he doesn’t need to be in control of everything.

Almost as if you’re testing the water, you run your hand across his lap, careful to go slowly. He stops breathing for a second as he seems to wait to see what you’ll do next. It prompts you to run your hand back and forth a few more times, not bothering to move on from the subtle imprint of his dick through his sweatpants. Everything about him stills: his hand freezes on your arm, he doesn’t fidget, and his breathing is incredibly shallow. He starts to get noticeably harder underneath your hand while you keep your eyes trained forward, even though you have no idea what’s going on in whatever show you picked as background noise. There’s something strangely intimate about this in the way it feels a little innocent.

Finally, when he starts to moan a little with each motion, you pull your hand away. Delight in the way he actually whimpers at the loss of contact. It’s time to actually face him so that you can see what you’re doing to him. Repositioning yourself, you see the look on his face. He’s a little flushed just from the attention and his eyes are wide. Waiting. All he’s doing is waiting to let you set what happens next, like he can’t really believe that this is happening after so much time. It is, though.

You run a hand through his hair and marvel at how soft it is when it looks perfectly styled. Either his hair just looks like that or he’s got the best products in the world. Neither feels fair when he’s already this stunningly beautiful. Gently, you lean forward to press your lips against his. Let your hand tangle in his hair as you anchor yourself to him. The kiss is at complete odds with you slowly rubbing him through his pants. There’s a little bit of desperation and you’re not even sure which of you it’s coming from. All you know for sure is that his lips are so soft that they feel like clouds and he doesn’t even fight you for control when you slide your tongue into his mouth. Just meets whatever pace you set. He really is happy with whatever you give him.

Your free hand winds down his body and doesn’t waste any time slipping into the waistband of his pants. When your hand wraps around his cock, he tries to pull away from the kiss, but you don’t let him. The moan that comes from you running your thumb over his tip gets caught up in your lips. You pull your hand out just long enough to spit into your palm and return it to the inside of his pants. Jeonghan does break the kiss when your hand wraps around his cock and strokes the first time, a hiss coming out of his mouth.

“Are you still sure you’re okay?” you ask, but it’s almost more of a tease.

“Fuck,” he hisses out. “Please don’t stop. Please.”

Hearing him nearly begging like that is the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard. Never could you have imagined you would have this man like putty beneath your hands. It’s going to your head a little bit and then it hits you. You wonder if you can make him come just like this. Wonder how that would feel to have that kind of power over him.

So, you do the only logical thing, and decide to test it out. You kiss him again, fierce and messy and desperate. Keep a steady rhythm of stroking him. He’s a squirming, writhing mess under your touch and it’s like he doesn’t even remember what to do with his hands. It’s actually turning you on as well to know that he wants you this bad. That nothing more than your lips and his touch are going to send him over the edge. It’s obvious when he starts getting close because he works harder to break the kiss. Can’t seem to catch his breath. You take a little pity on him and kiss across his jaw. Even pull away to watch him as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“You’re gonna make me come,” he whimpers.

“So come,” you direct.

“I can’t come in my pants like a fucking teenager,” he protests. “Please, I’m begging…”

“I want you to come for me, Jeonghan. Right now. Exactly like this. Come for me and show me how desperate you’ve been to have my hands on your cock,” you instruct.

“Fuck,” he draws out. “Fuck, I can’t…I’m gonna…”

His release comes almost out of nowhere, so hard and heavy that it coats your hand as you continue to stroke him through the release, coaxing every last bit from him. Once he’s spent, he collapses back against the headboard of the bed and you see any tension drain from his body. You pull your hand from inside his pants and wipe it off on them. Thankfully, he doesn’t even seem to protest.

While his breathing steadies, you shift and get off of the bed. He slowly opens his eyes and tracks your movement. Only swallows a little hard when you start to undress without taking your eyes off him. Sometimes, this part makes you a little self conscious. It’s much easier now, though, knowing you had just made Jeonghan come in his pants. That’s an ego boost you never expected to get. His breath stutters when you even remove your bra and panties, leaving yourself completely exposed before him. His eyes go somehow even wider when you get back onto the bed and position yourself in front of him. He reaches out to touch you, but you slap his hand away.

“Oh, no, no,” you chastise softly. “No, my little demon, you are going to watch now.”

“Watch?” he asks.

“Yes, watch,” you confirm and study his face. “Don’t you want to watch me get myself off? Don’t you want to watch me show you exactly what it is that I like?”

“F-fuck that’s…wow,” he stutters out.

You lean back, using one hand behind you on the bed to brace yourself. You spread your legs open to show him the way your pussy already glistens a little. The kissing and the feel of bringing him over the edge like that really turned you on. It’s a little bit of a first for you. Running a finger up your entrance, you collect some of the wetness there. Do it once more for good measure. And then, still emboldened by what’s happened so far, you reach forward to hold your finger out to Jeonghan. Let it run along his lip until he takes it into his mouth and tastes you.

“Fuck, you’re so…just, fuck,” he hisses. “Can I…”

“No,” you say and cut him off, pulling your finger back.

Now that you’ve had a taste of him begging for something, you want to drive him to that again. Want to get him so turned on that he can’t even see straight. You slowly tease at your entrance and watch the way his eyes track each movement. When you use your free hand to play with one of your nipples, he seems like he can’t really figure out where to look. Then, you slide one finger into your pussy and it’s like he can’t see to take his eyes off the motion. You moan, even though it’s nowhere near enough of a stretch, and increase the rhythm. Quickly add another finger and start to fuck yourself just the way you like. Just the way you would when you want to draw out your release a little more than using a toy. You slide your free hand down your body and use it to rub small circles on your clit. Somewhere, the thought of Jeonghan watching you becomes a little secondary. It’s incredibly sexy to know that he’s just watching, but you’re also invested in your own high. You want to do this for yourself as much as to show Jeonghan. Can’t possibly realize that Jeonghan is even more turned on knowing that you’re so lost to your own passion.

The orgasm washes over you more suddenly than you’re expecting and it takes a moment to catch your breath. It takes another moment to realize that Jeonghan has undressed himself while you were lost in your own world. He isn’t touching himself though and you can’t figure out if he’s still sensitive or just waiting for your permission. It’s hard to avoid the realization that every part of him is beautiful. His body is all lean lines, not overly muscular, yet still looks strong. Even his cock is kind of beautiful in a way, which isn’t fair. It’s not surprising, though.

“That was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen,” he admits, a little breathless.

“D’you think you can make me come as well?” you tease. “Want to feel my pussy squeeze around you?”

He nods immediately and it makes you laugh a little. “I know I can. I want…”

“To taste me?” you offer and his eyes go dark with lust.

“Can I?” he asks. “Can I actually get a taste? Just your finger wasn’t really enough.”

“I want to see what that mouth can do when it’s not talking a mile a minute,” you say. “I hope you’re just as good with your tongue.”

It’s obvious that this catches him a little off guard that you’re so confident now with him. So easily fall into telling him exactly what you want him to do. But, you’re very curious to see what his skills are like. The two of you reposition so that he can settle between your legs. His eyes find yours, searching, Maybe asking permission. You nod and he uses his fingers to spread your lips open. He licks up your core and mutters a quiet fuck under his breath at your lingering wetness. The breath against your core sends a slight shiver through your body.

After all the build up and everything, you don’t really have the patience for him to go slow. So, you tangle your hand into his hair and press his head further into your cunt. Force his nose to brush against your clit. Don’t really stop to consider if it’s too much for him. His moans into you seem to show that they’re not, though. It’s nice to just take what you need and know that he’s enjoying it just as much as you are. When you ask him (read: tell him) to add a finger, he does it without question. For someone that always seems to have a retort for everything, he’s surprisingly quiet now. Nothing piercing the quiet of the room apart from the constant stream of moans from both of you and curses from you as you get closer to your second orgasm.

The second one hits a lot harder than the first, a fact that you wouldn’t really want to admit to Jeonghan. It’s too obvious to hide, though. You don’t even care. Jeonghan’s tongue is far better than anything you could have dreamed about. Not that you were dreaming about it. (And not that you ever got yourself off in the shower or in your bed, late at night, thinking of the annoying guy who wouldn’t ever seem to leave you alone. Absolutely not.) When you open your eyes again, you find Jeonghan looking at you with awe. There’s nothing smug about his look. It makes your insides go even a little mushier. It’s definitely not the time for those kinds of emotions.

“Wow,” is all Jeonghan says.

“Yeah,” you agree.

“Do you still want to…? I mean, can we still…” he starts.

“Jeonghan, do I make you feel that nervous?” you joke. “You just ate me out and made me come all over your face.”

He shrugs. “I just don’t wanna press my luck.”

“Maybe we just stop here then,” you say with a return shrug. “I’m not sure you want it enough.”

“Oh, no, I definitely want it,” he disagrees.

“Are you sure?” you taunt. “Sure you can handle it?”

That unleashes a side of Jeonghan you haven’t fully seen yet. The next moment, he’s begging you for your pussy. Begging you to show you how much he still wants you. Begging to make up for the fake that he came in his pants just at your touch. Just begging for anything and everything. He even goes as far as to say that he’ll do all the work. It shouldn’t be working for you. It’s kind of lame, the way he just can’t seem to stop himself from running his mouth. And, unfortunately, it’s working for you. You kiss him just to make him stop.

The kiss immediately turns into something desperate, but you’re not sure which one of you takes it there first. Every new bit of him you get only makes you want even more of him. It’s kind of insane to think you weren’t even sure you liked him when it’s been so easy to fall into this. Jeonghan breaks the kiss and reaches over into his nightstand for a condom. Somehow, he manages to get it on in nearly record speed, despite his nerves about everything else. He doesn’t waste any time in positioning himself, either. You lie back when he spreads your legs open and seems a little drunk on the sight of you. You tap his side with your foot and he shakes his head clear of whatever he was thinking.

Jeonghan lines himself up at your entrance and presses his tip in. You arch your back, moaning at the initial stretch. It’s immediately better than either of your fingers or his tongue. You wrap your legs around his waist to pull him in and it makes him snap into you in one swift movement. All you wanted was to be full and you squeeze your walls around him. Direct him to move. The two of you work together to figure out the right pace, knowing that neither of you is likely to last all that long. You’re both a little sensitive from everything in the lead up to this moment. Still, you revel in the way that Jeonghan rolls his hips into you. Appreciate the way that he nearly pulls all the way out before snapping back into you. Moan into the sloppy kiss when your mouths crash together. It’s hard to tell where your own whines start and his moans begin. The sounds all kind of blend together into some kind of weird harmony.

Where Jeonghan was incredibly vocal when he was begging, he doesn’t seem to have a coherent thought to share now. Yet, his eyes never leave you. Like he’s trying to map each part of your body. It’s too fast for him to learn what you actually like. That’s not what you need, not right now. What you need is to have another release, one that comes at the same time as his own. And that’s exactly what you get when you come hard again just as you feel his thrusts stutter. A moment later, he’s coming into the condom and eventually stilling inside of you.

The last thing you want is to feel the loss of him inside of you, but you understand that he has to pull out. His breathing is heavy when he rolls over onto his back. It’s clear that he doesn’t want to get out of bed. That it’s a struggle. But, he gets up to dispose of the condom and you hear water running in the distance. He returns a moment later with a wet cloth and starts gently washing you without even asking. He tosses the cloth on his dresser and then collapses back on the bed next to you. Pulls you into his body without a second thought.

“I don’t want to go anywhere,” you say softly while you’re nestled into him.

“Like I would let you leave,” he says just as softly.

“Oh, the man that begs for my pussy is going to force me to stay?” you challenge.

You feel the way his chest slightly rumbles with laughter. “I was hoping you’d let me live for a second.”

“After you not letting me live since we met? Fat chance,” you answer.

“I suppose I deserved that,” he says.

“I really don’t want to leave tonight, though, so hopefully you have more clothes to lend me,” you say.

“You’re gonna have to let me move for that,” he says in return.

“Worst offer I’ve gotten all day, but fine,” you agree and allow him to disentangle from you.

Once he offers you some clothes, you also get up from the bed to get dressed. Try not to ogle Jeonghan too much as he does the same. He catches you, because of course he does, but surprisingly doesn’t say anything. Only smiles back at you. You help him remake the bed before the two of you go back out into the living area. It occurs to you that you didn’t exactly let your roommate know what you were up to before just heading straight over to see Jeonghan.

A fact that is immediately obvious when you see the texts and missed calls on your phone. Oop.

“Hey,” you call out to Jeonghan. “My roommate, I’m sure you remember him…”

“Yeah, Seungkwan, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, he’s freaking out because I forgot to say I was coming over here,” you say. “I’m just gonna call him really quick to let him know I’m fine and I’ll see him tomorrow.”

“Do you want privacy?” he asks and you just laugh lightly.

“Not sure I need it,” you say and the phone is already ringing. Seungkwan answers nearly immediately.

“What the fuck? Are you okay?” he asks instead of saying hello.

“Chill, Kwan, I’m fine,” you answer.

“Where are you? Your class ended hours ago,” he says.

“Has it been hours?” you ask with some amount of surprise.

“Wait, where are you?” he asks again, sounding calm but skeptical now.

“I just…just don’t worry about me for the night, okay? I’ll be home tomorrow,” you say.

“Switch to video, you whore,” Seungkwan says skeptically.

“Don’t be a weirdo,” you retort.

“Come on! Turn on your camera!” he yells and you pull the phone away from your ear.

“Fucking fine,” you grumble and press the button on your phone before holding it back up to your face.

“I KNEW IT!” he shrieks gleefully. “Who’s shirt is that?”

“Oh, well, it’s…” you stall and look over at Jeonghan. He’s already moving toward you.

“Well?” Seungkwan prompts as Jeonghan leans over behind you so his face shows in the camera.

“It’s mine,” Jeonghan answers and Seungkwan looks like Christmas came early.

“Well, hello Jeonghan,” he says.

“I promise to take good care of her and send her back in one piece,” Jeonghan says and Seungkwan can’t contain his grin.

“Keep her as long as you like. I’m about to be so rich,” he says, far happier than he should be.

“Goodbye Seungkwan. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you say and hang up before he can say anything.

Once you hang up, Jeonghan gives you an odd look. Like he’s trying to figure out what Seungkwan just said.

“Do I…want to ask?” he finally asks.

You sigh. “Seungkwan started placing and taking bets about me sleeping with you as soon as I mentioned you.”

“And when was that?” he asks, seemingly not even surprised by the bets. You internally curse.

“After the very first class when you mentioned you joined because you like Legos,” you admit.

“We could have saved so much time,” he whines and you just shake your head.

“This is exactly how it was supposed to go,” you disagree.

“Maybe,” he concedes. “Should we get some sleep? We can figure everything else out in the light of day.”

“Sounds perfect,” you agree and follow him to bed.

It’s far easier than it should be to settle into bed with him. Like you’ve done it a million times before. Maybe it’s okay to allow yourself to have the things you want. Maybe this can all be as easy as attaching one block to another until you have something amazing.

i hope you liked it! and like i said, i'll be back to fix any spelling/grammar errors after the weekend.

taglist: @newjihoonie, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizon, @klecksstorys, @sunflowergyeomie, @gyuminusone, @aaniag, @straykidswhoo789, @kimseokgen, @beomesbabe, @haolistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @harry-the-pottypus, @okiedokrie-main, @nuttywastelandmentality, @writingbarnes, @gyuhao365, @jjin-kun, @divinityyy, @dibidibidismynameisleeknow, @jelly-n , @christinewithluv, @hipsdofangirl, @sana-is-ms-rmty, @lllucere, @vixensss, @soffiyuhh @aidanjoon, @hanniebub, @stormy1408, @lilifiedeans, @hyucksrealm, @joshuaslv, @tinkerbell460 (strikethrough means can't tag)

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ilovedthestars · 5 months ago

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A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.

This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.

But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?

I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.

There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.

I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.

We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.

#stars has thoughts #i'm not letting the exclusionists have this one #'it was coined on the internet' 'it was only coined a few (read: in the case of aromanticism almost 20) years ago' true. so what?#that doesn't make it less real #i hope what i'm getting at comes across here #(and that it doesn't sound like im trying to invalidate all LGBTQ+ labels lol. i'm trying so hard to not do that)#labels are social technologies. if they are useful here and now then they are useful #we are using technologies that are new and innovative and useful to us in this time and place #in other times and places they have not always been and will not always be useful #but that's true of any technology. doesn't mean we don't get to use them now #queer #aspec stuff #aro thoughts

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project-sekai-facts · 2 months ago

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I'm just gonna leave this here because I feel like I should say something. Mizuki is trans, I still agree with the stuff I said a month ago. Did they say it in the story? No. Were they ever going to say it in the story? Well it seemed like I was but they just pulled the most insane 4 year queerbait.

Did people warn me? Yes, and I probably should've listened more, but from a writer's perspective what happened in Ena5 is very stupid so I had a little bit more hope for clpl. Confining any sort of actual coming out scene to a card story and fading to black over the actual reveal is honestly just cruel. Not to mention that Mizuki's bio is probably locked as "gender: ?".

Mizuki is still a trans character and trans representation, though the lack of actual confirmation really sours her story. Especially since the only indirect confirmation of her identity as a woman comes from student a talking to Ena about Mizuki (the whole Ena is a "normal girl" thing). Having Mizuki being robbed of her chance to come out by transphobes, and never resolving this so her bullies are left as the only credible source of her gender is atrocious. Mizuki being outed was a crucial plot point, to never resolve just leaves a bad taste.

It's still a glaring issue that clpl is trying to play both sides here. Which has always been an issue with things like white day and other marketing featuring Mizuki and the boys together. It's just gross that they're still trying to do it now, cutting off the actual reveal of Mizuki's secret and having the characters say "Mizuki is Mizuki", something that's often used by people who want to deny any trans reading, and a new area conversation about Mizuki's voice. Remember that old area convo about Mizuki having a lower voice. It gets referenced in a new one.

The reveal of the secret itself, transness aside, is comedically bad. Project SEKAI's writing isn't exactly amazing by any means, it's pretty basic in the grand scheme of writing, but this is worse than a lot of their other worst offenders. Building up to this big reveal of a secret that is incredibly important to one character's development, only for it not to actually be revealed, and probably never mentioned again, is ridiculous. It feels like a last minute change to ensure mass appeal but I don't know if it was. If it was, they still failed because some fans are dissatisfied that they never got told what it was, regardless of what they think it was.

And no, it's not corporate meddling. Probably. From colopale, maybe, from Sega, honestly probably not. Sega has other franchises and games with queer and specifically trans characters so it's not like Mizuki would be harmful to their brand image. If anyone interfered it was other staff at colopale.

Anyway, I'm not quitting the game and I'll still be running this blog for the time being. Not saying you have to continue playing and I totally understand people who are dropping the game over this. If anyone wants to add their thoughts to this post or send an ask freel free to.

#mod talks #project sekai spoilers #negativity

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shouyuus · 2 months ago

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if you want to talk about age. writing's one of those crafts where the longer you've been a it, the older you are, usually, the better you get. now, i don't mean that young writers can't be talented, they can, they are, and there always will be incredible writers at whatever age. but writing, in general at least in my experience, is a thing that you have to do over and over again, you read more, you write more, you improve, rinse and repeat.

and i don't honestly think that i personally am all that old in the grand scheme of things. but still. since tumblr is a social media platform (and like most of its cousins falls prey to the strange neurosis of society and it's obsession with immortalizing youth), i think it's important to take a step back and consider. consider your favorite writers, no, not on tumblr, but in traditional publishing --

sarah j maas was 28/29 when throne of glass was published. she's now 38.

colleen hoover was 31 when she started writing her first novel slammed.

stephanie meyer started writing twilight at 29. midnight sun came out when she was 46.

margarette atwood published the handmaids tale when she was 46.

laura ingalls wilder published her first book at 65. her last book when she was 76.

and im picking specifically women, because it seems like society has a strange obsession with women and aging in particular. it's no secret that for the longest time, women were considered "spinsters" after a certain age (and for most of civilized society, that age was like 25).

but age and experience lends itself to writing in the same way that youth and strength lends itself to recklessness -- and there's greatness to the found in both, i think. olympic athletes start at a young age because they need time to mature into their sport. but thankfully for writing, you have your whole life, and the only limitation is whether not you have the time and strength to pick up a pen or sit down in front of a keyboard.

so remember. your favorite writers are your favorite writers because (and sometimes in spite) of their age. because of the lives they've lived, the hearts they've mended and broken (including their own). and reexamine your own kneejerk reaction to someone else's age; look in the mirror, imagine what your reflection will look like in 10 years, in 20. sit with your own anxiety, and ask yourself -- what are you so afraid of?

we all have a finite number of days here. let's not waste it on time spent worrying about the specific dates and years that someone else was born on.

#tw: aging #🌧 raindrops #i had thoughts. so. here they are. and no anon #this is not only directed at you ive seen more than my fair share of discourse over the age of writers on tumblr so

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kathaynesart · 8 months ago

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Bit of a random question, but as a teen I'm curious, what would you want to say to kids of today? Any advice?

Hm... every person's life journey is different, but I don't mind giving a few tips based on my personal experiences! If they can help in anyway then I am glad for it!

Ted Talk below the cut.

Life will always change. YOU will change. You may feel stuck or trapped in some aspect of your life right now and are worried that things will never get better. But they do... it will take time, but you will get there so long as you keep moving forward.

Try not to stress too much. All those things that seem like such a big deal right now... most of them will be forgotten within a few years. So it helps when you feel overwhelmed to step back and not let these little (or even big) missteps take control of your life.

No really, go touch grass. I can not express how important it is to disconnect from social media and just be present in the moment. Going out to a cafe or a park to help you unwind and ground yourself. If life allows, try traveling! Even if it's just a road trip. Get out and see and experience different things because those will be the memories that will stick with you!

Change things up. Even if that's just taking a different path to school or trying a different snack. I find that stepping away from the mundane daily schedule helps bring so much more variety to my life and helps me be more present in the moment.

Be flexible. Especially in your goals and expectations. We're expected at such a young age to choose our destination in life, when it's the journey itself that we should be seeking. So while it's great to have goals, do not make them so rigid that you will deem yourself a failure should they not come to pass. Often times it's the things that surprise us in life that help lead us to opportunities we had never even considered.

Your worth does not come from what you produce, or how many milestones you hit, or how much money you make. It is something you give yourself as you relearn time and time again to love yourself.

Your health is important! It is something we often take for granted when we’re younger but it will mean so much as you age. Also should you feel that you’re ever in pain or unwell, speak up. There are so many instances of people coming to greater harm because they only listened to the first doctor who brushed them off. Seek a second opinion. Know that your body is worth proper care!

Just because you have to grow old does not mean you have to "grow up." Those things you loved that sparked joy in you as a kid? Hold onto them or find new ways to instill them into your life. Keep that passion and remember what fun is! Because you will need it just as much when you're older. It is a major ingredient in the spice of life.

Remember, you ARE special. You may not feel like it... but the fact that you exist is such a mind boggling feat in this vast universe of mostly empty space. While that may be difficult to grasp as we are, stuffed in this tiny jewelry box we call Earth, that does not make any one of us any less special in the grand scheme of things. And in this tiny but overflowing box of treasures, there is no gem that is quite like you. You managed against all odds to come into existence. That is AMAZING. Congratulations! Hard part is already done. Now go shine!

#ted talk #Kat talk?#important note though! Age does not always equal wisdom! I'm still figuring it out as I go too haha #but if it helps even one person then it will be worth it!#q&a #life advice #from a little old girl #sorry anon it took so long for me to respond #life has been busy

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beomglocks · 11 months ago

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☆.｡.:* pairing: asshole ceo!hyuka x assistant!reader

☆.｡.:* warnings & other : enemies to less hated enemies/lovers, kai is an asshole, very mean, reader is nonchalant, sub!reader, softdom!kai but like meandom aura idk how to explain it, reader lowkey likes kai but like hell no that's ur boss!, unless..., idk if i will ever expand on this concept but fhwuwe i just love the thought of mean CEO kai, im back just for this ig

☆.｡.:* wc : …

you hum to yourself quietly, picking up a white collared shirt that you believe best fits the vibe of the upcoming business meeting.

"what do you think of this one?" you ask calmly. you watch silently as your boss glances up briefly from his phone to look at the attire you've chosen. he cranes his neck back and forth before groaning dramatically.

"i hate it."

you stare at him with a neutral expression on your face as he goes back to gluing his eyes to his phone as if whatever he was doing on there was more important than the task at hand. "that's the fifth one today sir," you speak up.

there's not a hint of mockery in your tone whatsoever. you're just doing your job after all. was it easy? hell no. however, you weren't about to let this stuck up brat get you out of line.

you were used to kai's constant demands. as his secretary and right hand women it's only normal for you to be able to deal with whatever bullshit was thrown your way. you were tougher than he gave you credit for and he had never acknowledged it but you were the only one who had stuck around.

the thing was, kai was used to getting everything he wanted but that all halted once you became his assistant.

normally he could get anything and anyone no matter what. the latest car or prettiest girl to play around with, you name it. he had a habit of fucking around with his assistants until you showed up. the moment you stepped into his office for the interview you were already on his hit list. thankfully you had a friend who worked here already so you knew of his advances towards the woman he worked with.

"its a good thing you're pretty, we'll look good standing next to each other," he had quipped once you sat down. you had held a straight face and answered plainly, not giving in to his advances.

"with all due respect sir, im here to work, not be a trophy on a wall to you." you still remember the way scoffed at you. as if to say, "we'll see". you can tell he didn't like that one bit.

sure, he had hired you despite the rudeness you gave him on the first encounter, why wouldn't he? your resume was impressive. long list of amazing companies he rivaled with in the past and you were smart. sure, he cared about all that in the grand scheme of things but he mainly hired you because you were his type. however, he kept you on a tight leash. metaphorically but he wouldn't be opposed if it were literal. he knew you weren't the type to condone his flirtatious advances and he hated that so he made your life a living hell in return.

no longer was he the boss who occasionally flirted with you and held the door open whenever you were running late. no. he had turned into somewhat of a tyrant, throwing fits over you not liking him in that way and penalizing you for even being just a second late. everyone in the office knew it was never a good day for you if you had to physically be around him.

he sighs, throwing his phone haphazardly on his bed. he rubs his face with his hands as if he's trying to cool himself off from exploding at you. you put the shirt down on the chair closest to the walk in closet, preparing for whatever he has to say to you.

"y/n-" he pauses to look up at you. his blonde hair is strewn all over the place and he has a bored expression. his eyes are narrowed and the way he's looking at you should make you feel small but it doesn't work. at least not outwardly. you'd be lying if you said the way he looked at you didn't make you throb a bit. but you couldn't and wouldn't ever let him win. you didn't care if he was nice or mean to you.

right now though, he's clearly masking the irritation in his eyes with a neutral face.

"i give you the keys to my very expensive, very lavish house not so you can chastise me about my fashion choices and my likes and dislikes but so that you can do your goddamn job and choose the best option for me."

"if i knew what i wanted to fucking wear i wouldn't have hired you in the first place don't you think?" he finishes. you raise your eyes row when he curses at you but remain silent.

he must've really been in a bad mood to curse at you because you don't think he's ever done that. he was mean but never to the point of swearing at you. that's how you knew today he wasn't having it.

he walks up to your still figure at the front of the closet. you're significantly shorter than him which he uses as a way to assert his dominance. he holds your jaw and inspects your face. he hates that you have such an indifferent expression on your face, you swear you see his eye twitch a bit.

"i hate that stupid look on your face," he mutters. "i curse at you and you don't even flinch, i flirt with you and you turn me down.. what do i do to break you?" he asks more to himself than you.

he holds that position for a while, waiting for anything, any sign that will help him out in this situation. you purse your lips because you know exactly what he's waiting for.

an invitation.

"im just here to do my job kai. i don't want to fool around with you." you say. "no matter how you are," you say to yourself. you hope your voice isn't faltering because kai has always respected your personal space but now he's all in your face. "are you serious? you're telling me you haven't thought of me fucking the mess out of you not even once. i mean.." he glances at his king bed for a second. "we're in my room right now, don't be so crass, its offensive.." he smiles a bit at his own intentions.

you hold your stare to the best of your abilities although the wetness that's pooling in your underwear is telling you to just give in. sure, he's your boss, your hot boss who has mentioned time and time again how badly he craves you, so what harm is it?

before you almost let your pussy do the thinking, suddenly you remember the fact that he only wants you just to say he broke you. it was almost like a game to him and you were the prize. you definitely weren't gonna let him win.

you clear your throat, trying to pull away from his grasp. "your meeting will be soon can we please get you dressed?" you say it with so much monotonous that it causes kai to blow another short fuse.

with a light shove he removes his hands from your jaw and sighs heavily. "the day i fuck the indifference out of you will be the day this whole building hears my name," he says to himself as if already imagining how it'll go down. "but it's ok, i suppose i can keep playing this game."

he turns around to look at you still standing stupidly near the closet.

"although im not sure how much longer im willing to play."

#txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt reactions #drabble #angst #hueningkai imagines #hueningkai angst #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai drabble #hueningkai fic #txt angst #tomorrow x together imagines #txt fluff #hueningkai drabbles #txt headcannons #smut #txt smut #hueningkai smut

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toshisdecadence · 2 months ago

Text

The Devil Wears Zegna

PAIRING: devil!suguru geto x archangel!fem reader

TAGS & WARNINGS: dark content, noncon, dubcon, gore (descriptions of blood, body horror), coercion (suguru slips corrupted ambrosia aka roofie in reader’s drink), religious themes, corruption, rough sex, humiliation, degradation, praise, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), dacryphilia, unprotected sex (do angels and demons even conceive idk i didn’t worldbuild that far), thighfucking

WORD COUNT: 11.4k

SUMMARY: Your former colleague, Suguru Geto, now Devil and overseer of Hell, is extremely unprofessional.

“Archangel Michael has entrusted one of his duties to you.”

Unperturbed by the sudden and abrupt delegation of such duties—it wasn’t unusual for your fellow seraph to push some of his duties from his plate to yours on a last minute’s notice—you turn to afford Megumi, the cherub angel, a curious glance.

“What task has he left me?” you inquire in a calm voice. Thoughts flit through your mind; several considerations of the possible duties Archangel Michael could have delegated to you. A part of you hopes for something simple that can be carried out within the cushy confines of the Heavenly Realm.

“The annual visit to the Demonic Realm,” Megumi, a tall, beautiful cherub with milky skin and calm emerald eyes reminiscent of the shade of the shrubbery in the Garden of Eden, supplies. The large blue-pupiled eyes on his four feathered wings that peek from behind the flawless glossy white fabric of his tunic seem to bore right into your figure in a judgmental assessment of sorts.

Nonetheless, dread fills your immortal being when the words leave Megumi’s lips. The visit to the Demonic Realm, again?

“. . . Very well,” you sigh with resignation, having been in this position twice before in the past century and a half. In the grand scheme of things, you could perhaps interpret this as Archangel Michael possibly slacking off on assessing the status of the Demonic Realm during the annual visit, or perhaps he’d simply grown tired of having to constantly meet the audacious Suguru, the infamous fallen cherub angel turned Devil and Ruler of Hell.

If Megumi senses your hesitation and lack of desire to do such duties, he makes no comment on it. His expression remains skillfully blank. His cordial attitude remains. “Do you require any assistance?”

“No,” you reply. “I’ve prepared for this occasion.”

Though, you shouldn’t have to.

You regard the young cherub with a raised brow. “What occupies Archangel Michael to have made him relinquish such an important duty to me?”

“A matter concerning one of the higher dominion angels was brought to Archangel Michael’s attention,” Megumi informs you with a stoic expression. You note the roots of his thick, long lashes as they extend out into long strands of silky dark individual lashes that brush against the ivory surface of his cheeks whenever he blinks. He stares down at the parchment he holds in his hands while reporting its details to you, none the wiser to the more than curious look you were affording him.

“He was ordered by the Almighty God to personally oversee the jurisdiction and judgment of the dominion angel.” The cherub pauses, then frowns, lines temporarily lining the beautiful surface of his skin as he seems to read through a line in his report that he deems unsavory, before he continues. “. . . A case of sinning through the flesh, it appears.”

“The flesh, huh?” you repeat, almost absentmindedly. A series of possible angels who could have fallen to temptation crosses through your mind, before you finally voice out your curiosity. “And who might this dominion angel be?”

The cherub flips to another page of paper. “Elijah.”

At the mention of the familiar dominion angel’s name, your expression falls into one of stoicity. “Elijah,” you parrot his name, remembering a beautiful dark-haired dominion angel who handled his duties as an overseer of the lower angels fairly well, despite having quite a ravenous appetite and desire for carnal flesh.

You had the displeasure of first meeting the aforementioned higher Dominion angel over four centuries ago at a Divine Ministry meeting that required the presence of the seraphim, with you being the one seraph that happened to be available at the time. You had an unfavorable experience with Elijah, as you personally bore witness to his attempts of wooing you over. Of course, as a seraph and one who is considered to be only behind the Archangel Michael himself, you coldly admonished his attempt to ingratiate himself with you, to which you recalled him to have responded with a coy smile and a pretty flutter of his beautiful wisteria eyes.

“It surprises me that it took him this long to finally give in to the sin of carnal flesh,” you comment, rather unperturbed. You found it more surprising that he had not fallen to sin sooner, and the fact that he had fallen to the sin of carnal flesh of all the sins, you found it most fitting.

There’s a furrow on Megumi’s rich, dark brows as he seems to read through more lines on the report before him. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” he mutters to himself in a hushed and scandalized tone. “The atrocity that this dominion angel has committed—!”

Curiosity overtakes you, and mindlessly, with a wave of your fingers, you let your Celestial power gently grab the parchment from Megumi’s hands. The cherub gladly lets you take the parchment from his hands. Megumi himself even seems to recoil away from the paper, a sour expression on his handsome face as he chants prayers under his breath to banish the images that were conjured up by the words written on the parchment.

You read the lines on the paper.

Elijah the dominion angel has fallen to temptation by copulation with four succubi.

“Four succubi?” you repeat in disbelief at first. However, as you remember the unpleasant and slimy countenance of the dominion angel, a chuckle leaves your lips. “How fitting. Now I understand Michael.”

You hand back the parchment to Megumi, who reluctantly takes the revolting piece of paper back. “He must be furious because another second order angel has gotten involved with demons and fallen to temptation under their machinations,” you murmur. “Replacing Elijah and finding someone to temporarily oversee his obligations and responsibilities as a dominion angel would be inconvenient. Michael himself would have to briefly take Elijah’s work under his wing until a proper replacement is found.”

“Archangel Michael was indeed troubled when he happened upon the news,” Megumi agrees as he used his Celestial power to have the parchment disappear, before he produced a small bottle of holy water from thin air. You watch him curiously as he pours a few generous drops of the sacred liquid onto his right palm, before he makes the bottle vanish with a gentle flick of his left hand.

“What of Archangel Satoru?” you hum, remembering your cherub colleague with hair resembling the softness of the clouds of Heaven and eyes reminiscent of the glittering blue seas of the Human Realm at dawn. “Could he have been available to take up overseeing the Demonic Realm?”

Megumi shakes his head as he starts to spread the liquid onto his hands, making sure to douse the areas in which he had held the parchment paper that cited such unholy words with the most concentration of holy water.

“Regrettably, he was not,” the cherub replies. “Archangel Satoru had just left a month ago to take care of things in the North with the virtue angels, but even if Archangel Satoru had been present, I doubt that he would have attended given his history with the Devil.”

You exhale, mulling over Megumi’s reply. Of course, Satoru likely would have found some other excuse or business to occupy him to avoid going to the Demonic Realm. You almost cursed Archangel Michael’s overzealous approach in his work as God’s most trusted chief of all angels. He had so much faith in his fellow Archangels that he always believed Archangel Satoru’s attempts to dodge work, happily taking the duties under his wing.

You exhale, mentally preparing yourself for the addition to your workload.

“Archangel Michael will return to the Heavenly Realm by next week,” Megumi reports to you. “He has instructed me to inform you to finish your duties at the annual visit to the Demonic Realm before he returns.”

“Very well. Let him know that he owes me another drink for this favor.”

The cherub offers a polite nod of his head, bowing.

Then, with a sigh, your six majestic white wings spread out from behind you, unfurling like the petals of a lotus in bloom. With a nod of acknowledgement of the young cherub before you, you finally take flight, ascending into the countless clouds of the Heavenly Realm.

You wholeheartedly loathe the Demonic Realm’s environment, and you were not the only angelic being that shared this sentiment.

As a sharp contrast to the cool and dry environment of the Heavenly Realm, the Demonic Realm’s hot, humid, and arid environment was everything that angelic beings detested. The discomfort of staying in such a warm place had a tendency to sour the moods of the visiting angels who had business in Hell. Unfortunately for you, your stay was to be three days.

As luck would have it, the annual visit to the Demonic Realm has always taken place in Hell after Suguru’s rebellion against God. This was how it has always been, given that demons could not take a single step inside Heaven’s pearly gates unless they wished to be mercilessly smited by the cherubim angels that stood guard of the gates. The Human Realm was also off-limits to both parties, as the consequences that came with humans spotting angelic and demonic beings were too big to risk. That left the Demonic Realm, a place where angelic beings could freely waltz into without being harmed by any demonic being, so long as they did not give into any form of temptation.

Hell’s infamous Obsidian Palace was always the annual meeting’s place of choice—it has been since the establishment of the Demonic Realm after Hell’s ruler, a former cherub angel, questioned the Almighty God.

You are no stranger to the midnight palace, having visited here for more than hundreds of times in the millenniums that you spent as a seraph, but even those hundreds of times that you had visited pales in contrast to the amount of times that Michael had taken that position as the Chief Seraph overseeing the annual meetings for countless millenniums. Despite his strict nature, Michael is a dear when it came to doing the work that no other seraph was interested in. His devotion is insistent and pure, earning him his undisputed position as the highest-ranking seraph among the Seven Archangels.

You go through the motions as the presiding seraph for this year’s annual meeting. Your six-feathered wings flutter gracefully as you land before the entrance of the Obsidian Palace. The white halo that surrounds your frame casts a discernible light that sends demons recoiling away.

The halo was a sign of your power; God’s trust in you. And despite not being Michael, you were the Seraph that came after him in terms of power and seniority. The purity and fierceness of the light that emanated from your celestial body caused much of the demons who were dressed in plain black suits to hiss back in fear.

Your figure that was fully clad in a blinding white silk button up shirt with white flowy pants and golden heels beneath, reminiscent of office wear donned by humans, only further amplified your brightness. Your gaze was steely, cold and detached as you regarded the pale expressions of the demons who were waiting for your arrival.

A frown settles on your face. The humidity of Hell’s climate was starting to grate down on you. Your wings retract behind you in a snap of irritation. You felt your wings’ feathers poofing up even further, and you merely utter, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph under your breath in resignation, before you finally properly regard the demons sent out to escort you inside.

“Lead the way,” you exhale.

Suguru greets you with a devilishly charming grin on his angelic face. “How benevolent it is of you to grace us with your holy presence.”

You enter the room, and the several other demons present in the room stand in attention as you make your way to the head of the long table opposite the Ruler of Hell. You recognize a few Princes of Hell and seirim demons. They bow their heads reverently. You don’t acknowledge them, your gaze steely.

“I wish I could say the same,” you respond dryly, your six wings contracting behind you to fold neatly before you take your seat at the head of the table. As you sit yourself down, you look up to meet the Ruler of Hell’s glimmering dark amethyst eyes opposite the table.

He spreads his arms invitingly, the taut muscles stretching the dark fabric of the blazer that he wears to hug the firm slopes of his arms. His long silky dark hair fell over the fine fabric of his clothing, shining faintly under the light of the meeting hall, framing his unreal beauty. You gaze at him pensively, recalling the prophet Ezekiel’s description of Suguru. A dazzling angel guarding the gates of the Garden of Eden. The anointed cherub. The seal of perfection.

“You seem rather displeased to be here,” he comments in that silky smooth pleasant voice, a handsome grin spread across his lips. His eyes regard you in that fond narrow crinkle that it does whenever he meets someone he finds interesting. Narrowed into slits like a treacherous serpent. “Might it have something to do with the fall of a certain dominion angel?”

You quirk a brow at his words, your expression stony. “You seem highly interested in Heaven’s affairs, Devil,” you reply in a flat tone, unperturbed. You gesture for a demon to bring you some refreshment. “Seems hardly fitting for the Ruler of Hell, does it not? You must stretch yourself quite thin to be able to find concern for a realm other than your own.”

His sandy skin glistens deliciously under the warm chandeliers that hang on the vaulted ceilings. His smile deepens, his purple eyes narrowing. Whether it was out of fondness or malice you didn’t bother to decipher. Suguru was as cryptic as ever, even back when he was a cherub.

“Heaven’s affairs is something that I do not care for,” he informs you plainly, watching as a demon brings over a goblet of water for you. “And please, call me Suguru.” He leans in closer, resting his elbows on the other end of the long meeting table and joining his fingers together with a cordial smile. “Will you not refer to me by my name now as well?” His amethyst eyes open, like the deep pools of a dark abyss unfurling like the petals of a black-purple rose, regarding you. “I thought we were good friends.”

“Acquaintances would be a more appropriate term,” you icily correct him. “And even then, labeling our relationship as that of acquaintances is still entirely too familiar. I believe coworkers would be most accurate.”

You eye him with a stoic expression, taking in the four wings that sprout from behind his broad shoulders, the remnants of the form that he once assumed with his former position as a high cherub angel. The original four pristine white wings symbolic to cherubs have now changed. The top two wings have long since morphed into two black bat-like wings—indicating his transformation into a demon, while the bottom two are his symbolic midnight black wings—the ones that had first appeared when he fell from Heaven and God’s grace as the first fallen angel.

Lucifer. The former Lightbringer. The Morningstar. Your former colleague.

Suguru’s devilish grin remains the same. “I forget how dismissive angels can be,” he croons in a sing-song tone. “And I thought Archangel Michael and Archangel Satoru to be rather harsh. It appears to me that you’re the coldest yourself, Madam Seraph.”

Your expression remains blasé, and your tone lowers in ire. “I did not come here to this inferno of a humid environment to exchange pleasantries or to discuss the manner in which I address a grave sinner by,” you state in a clipped voice. “I came here to discuss what needs to be discussed. Do not deviate from that.”

“I digress,” Suguru hums, purple eyes swirling mirthfully as he stares at you.

The first day of the annual meeting lasts for the course of a few hours. This year’s proceedings went on much longer due to the increased amount of demon activity as well as the troubling amount of angels falling to temptation, subsequently causing a higher amount of fallen angels to roam freely within the demonic realm.

This did not spell well, as confused and often grieving fallen angels resulted in bouts of insanity as they attempted to fathom their current helpless situations, as well as the celestial power that was not stripped from them. The drastic change of an angel’s wings from its pure snow-white state, to a midnight black was not the only change that takes place when an angel falls from grace.

An angel, depending on their rank on the Order of Angels, can get their celestial powers fully stripped away from them if they were a third order angel; have some of their powers stripped away, while having the remaining power left change into demonic powers, if they were a second order angel; or completely retain all their celestial powers, but the celestial and holy power is then changed to demonic powers, like what would happen to a first order angel.

The most common example of the last one was Suguru. He was a former high-ranking cherub, an angel belonging to the first sphere, and when his fall took place, none of his powers were stripped away from him. Rather, his celestial powers morphed into demonic powers, complimenting the darkened and sinful nature that Suguru now adopted as he fell to temptation. A third of the angels followed him in his dissent from God, emerging as his underlings in Hell.

He had always been a queer being. A charming devil that inspired rebellion among the angels. God’s former favorite. The fairest angel. A contradictory individual. Even during his time as a cherub, his beautiful smile was always accompanied with a condescension, a curious lilt of his velvety voice, a glimmer of defiance in his deep eyes even as he bowed before God at His throne. Those same eyes currently transfix on you as you sit opposite him on the meeting table.

His comely face rests on his hand, regarding you with a curious yet almost sultry look. He gazes on, an expression that you couldn’t quite read on his face. His presence is domineering, his figure hulking, almost stretching the fine fabric of his suit. And yet he utters not a single word save for the times when he needed to speak or pitch in. Every now and then you would catch the movement of his wings, withdrawing to fold, or extending out as he would lounge back against his seat.

You will yourself to focus on the words of the demon standing before the presentation detailing the annual reports.

The next two days went on just like that.

He would greet you when you entered, dressed in one of his fine suits, his silky dark hair glinting under the candlelight, fixing you with those dark amethyst eyes. His signature smirk spreads across his glossy lips, staring you down intently.

Sometimes, you would find yourself distracted, looking up to the face of a concerned demon. Silence hung in the room, and everyone stared at you, seeming to wait for a reply or some form of comment. You would manage to say something, passing your silence off as mere moments of rumination. But a glance toward Suguru reveals his pleasant smile, his purple eyes narrowed in mirth.

You tried your best to ignore it. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. The knowledge that he was getting under your skin. Even Archangel Satoru didn’t unnerve you this much.

As the final bits of the final day of the annual meeting took place, you let out a big sigh of relief as you witnessed the lanky demon—an intern, you surmise—putting away the last papers concerning the presentation. As the demon closes the manila folder holding the papers, you rise from your seat, itching to just leave the Obsidian Palace and return to your accommodations in the Hell Citadel. You were scheduled to leave in the evening.

No one dares to stop or question you, a seraph, as you start to make your way towards the exit of the door.

None except Suguru, that is.

The tall Ruler of Hell blocks your path. A pair of muscular arms stands in your way, large hands tucked into the pockets of his custom pants, and an irritated expression laces itself on your face as you crane your neck up to look at the devilish man. He casts a shadow over you with his domineering height, his wings extended out, almost as if you cage you in under midnight.

“Do you perhaps have any further business with me, Devil?” You do not hide your malice.

Suguru, on the other hand, seems unbothered by your cold attitude. A glance towards your side reveals the other demons—the ones who work directly under Lucifer, you inferred—gulping and looking at you fearfully.

You briefly consider smiting the sinner before you with your Celestial powers. In terms of power, Suguru was by no means weak, being the Ruler of Hell, but you were far stronger than him, given your status as a seraph. You could inflict considerable damage to him and leave him incapacitated for days—weeks, if you tried.

But you would not do that.

Harming the Ruler of Hell would mean more paperwork than you already had, and you refuse to work longer hours simply because Suguru got under your skin. The damned Devil was not beneath reporting you to the HR Department of the Heavenly Realm for ‘disrupting the workplace environment.’

“I do have business with you,” he says, still grinning with that damned smile. His obsidian wings retract behind him. “I wanted to discuss possibly implementing a different way of sorting human souls.” His head cocks to the side, and he pushes back his silky strands of hair, fixing you with that stare. “Perhaps you could relay my ideas to the Heavenly Realm before you depart?”

Truthfully, you did not want to. But you also did not want to write another report to Archangel Michael explaining that you let the Devil get under your skin, causing communications between the Heavenly Realm and the Demonic Realm to sour, and ultimately complicating the long and arduous process of determining whether a human soul should go to Hell or Heaven. It was a situation you had the unfortunate chance of being familiar with due to Suguru reporting you to HR some centuries back. The conflict caused a mess in the sorting of human souls, which were especially abundant at the time due to the number of wars, as the Ruler of Hell refused to sort the human souls until he received an apology from you.

That occurrence has left you with a sour taste lingering in your mouth every time the Ruler of Hell was brought up in conversation, and while you begrudgingly apologized the first time, you refuse to repeat that incident once again.

With a resigned sigh, you look towards Suguru’s deep purple eyes, smiling at you in that devilishly charming way.

The Devil is a liar and a half.

The “business” he apparently had with you entailed visiting a bar in hell and drinking. It has been an hour since you both departed the Obsidian Palace for business, and not once has the damned Ruler of Hell mentioned a word about this so-called ‘new system’ of implementing a faster way to sort out human souls.

Suguru must feel your piercing glare directed at him. You regard him angrily through the crystalline rim of your untouched demon mimosa, decorated with pomegranates. Your six feathery wings bristle behind you, slightly extended out.

His eyes narrow at you in that irritatingly charming way that you refuse to admit has any sway on you. He is nursing a drink of his own, a bloody old fashioned with dragon fruit shavings, and looks at your untouched demon mimosa.

“You’re terribly boring,” he says with a sigh and a disappointed face, his black wings tucked behind him. “I knew Archangels were prudes but we’re at a club, sweetheart. The demon mimosa won’t hurt you.”

“And I knew demons are liars yet I came here,” you snap. You snatch the demon mimosa, bringing it to your lips and taking a swig, grumbling the next words. “I should’ve just written that damned report to Michael.”

He grins, a little too gleefully for your liking. His purple eyes linger on the drink briefly, before they inspect your face. A laugh escapes past his lips, a small laugh that oddly sounded as if it was accompanied by gentle ringing bells.

“You still hold a grudge about that?” He asks, clearly finding this more amusing than you do.

Irritated at his joy, you slam the demon mimosa down to glower down at him, your wings retracting with a flutter of your ivory feathers.

“Do you wish to die by my hands?” you threaten.

“Now, now,” he grins, “I don’t intend to die here so why don’t we—”

“Give me a legitimate reason as to why I shouldn’t just leave you here and return to my lodgings,” you state, failing to see what he finds so amusing about making you angry. “The annual visit is now finished. I’d prefer not to see you any longer than I have to.”

“That’s heartless, sweetheart,” he feigns hurt, his wings drooping behind him. “Do you dislike me that much?”

“I view you the way I view mosquitos in the Human Realm,” you deadpan him. “Annoying and persistent. With that said”—you rise from your seat—“I’ll be leaving. Do not ever waste my time like you just did. Do you understand, Devil?”

“I don’t know,” he drawls in a voice that causes your stomach to dip in a way you are not familiar with. You quickly bury the sensation. His wings extend lightly. His eyes track the expanse of your standing figure, a pair of amethysts gleaming with interest. “I quite like it when you're mad at me. Maybe you’ll have to teach me again, sweetheart.”

So, that’s what it’s about, you think to yourself humorlessly.

“Devil,” you begin, pinching the bridge of your nose, regarding him with a chilling gaze, “if what you needed was to satisfy yourself, I’m sure you have a handful of succubi to help you with that problem.” You regard him properly this time, though his figure blurs momentarily. “Who knows? Your new friend Elijah, the former Dominion angel, might be able to refer you to some of his favorite succubi.”

“Regarding that,” he shrugs, his dark wings rustling behind him, regarding you with a sultry half-lidded gaze, “I was looking to see if you’d be a dear and help me out?”

“What wishful thinking,” you drily respond, shutting down his suggestion immediately. “If I suggest the idea that you’ve been involved in coercing angels to sin to the Celestial Realm after this encounter, I wonder how you would be dealt with. Michael is not keen on dealing with all the extra work that follows the fall of an archangel, and should he catch wind of what has transpired today… However benevolent he is, he will certainly not let it slide.”

But even as you speak, his grin remains. Rather, it deepens.

You feel an odd sensation swirling in your stomach. Your gaze blurs, and you shake your head, trying to rouse yourself. It must be the exhaustion, you reason. All the more reason to leave this place immediately.

“Then, I’ll get going,” you state, rising from the bar stool, giving him one last glare before turning on your heel and walking away.

A sudden throb of pain has you stopping. Your steps stutter, and you blink away the blurriness in your gaze. You feel sluggish. This is odd. You were tired, sure, but surely not enough to feel like this.

When you are about to stumble on another step of yours, a firm and large hand holds your arm to steady you. A warm presence, looming and large, overwhelms you, casting a dark shadow over your frame under the dim and moody lights of the bar. You feel his frame brush against your wings, a hand of his wrapping around your waist.

A warm breath ghosts over your ears.

“Careful there,” Suguru’s smooth voice croons, sending shivers down your body.

Ire grows in you, and you try to yank your arm away from his hand, but to no avail. He was unflinching. Like an unshakable marble statue. An insurmountable presence. A glance behind your shoulder reveals his handsome face, albeit a bit blurry. You blink up at him, and all you can pick out is the hypnotic purple of his eyes, oscillating like flickering lights, and the satisfied curl of his lips.

That is the last thing you remember before everything turns black.

“. . . you’re up.”

Your eyes blink open, gaining consciousness as you rouse, sitting up with. Your head is pounding. You feel almost feverish. Your body feels numb. Your eyes glaze over, your blurry vision focusing on the sight before you. The lights are moody, warm, and there's a void before you, a large frame that blocks out a portion of your vision. When your eyes squint, the darkness becomes a dark silhouette.

A firm and chilly hand cups your chin, forcing you to gaze up.

Amethyst.

Your brows pinch together groggily, and your gaze clears up enough that you can make out the individual before you. Your blood runs cold when you make eye contact with the silhouette.

“Had a good rest?” Suguru croons, almost mockingly, gazing down at you with a handsome sneer.

You realize you are on a wide bed with dark silken sheets. Your body feels sluggish, and even if you will yourself to try to move, your body is weak. You can barely lift a finger without great exertion. To your surprise, you notice no restraints on your body, only that dull pounding in your head, and a feverish sensation throughout your limbs. Your clothing is still intact, though you notice that your shoes were nowhere to be found.

Suguru stands before you, left in his dark slacks and a loosened white silk dress shirt, revealing a generous amount of his taut and tan chest. His dark wings are loosely spread behind him. His dark silky hair frames his face, his features highlighted by the shadows from the faint candlelight of the chandelier in what you presume to be his personal room.

“What did you do to me?” you demand in a low snarl.

His charming eyes narrow, smiling. “Nothing yet,” he replies coolly.

He saunters across the room, and you watch him with malice as he grabs a crystalline glass bottle with a shimmery golden liquid in it, pouring it into a goblet. The trickling of the liquid fills the dead silence of the room. The gold liquid swirls in the goblet, glowing hypnotically. He approaches you afterward, the goblet tangled in his pretty fingers.

You eye the drink warily, scowling up at him to the best of your ability in your weakened state. “‘Nothing yet’?” you snarl, fury welling up within your being. “Do you even realize what you’re—”

There’s a drawl of irritation that rumbles out of his throat. Suguru regards you with that blank, dead stare in his amethyst eyes. He utters his next words with such a cold indifference that it sends chills down your limbs.

“You were much more tolerable when you couldn’t speak.”

You fall silent for a few moments from his words. Confusion, and then anger. Deep hatred. A piercing cold sensation that burns through your being.

“What did you do to me?” you demand. Your voice is louder now, booming throughout the space. As your anger boils, the ground begins to tremble. The chandelier in the room chimes and clinks from the prominent tremor that overtakes the Demonic Realm. The celestial halo around you burns bright, almost blinding as you muster the rest of your remaining strength to maim him. “God won’t let you get away with this, Devil.”

Suguru looks unbothered. He simply approaches you while his wings, looming over your figure, the goblet cradled in his hand. The gold glimmers brilliantly, as if he had plucked sunlight from the Heavens, and you notice faint specks of crimson and obsidian in the shimmery substance, flickering. Fading in and out.

“He won’t let me get away with this?” Suguru scoffs, a twisted sneer on his perfect face. “Oh, angel. I already have.”

He takes a swig of the gold liquid, gripping your chin tightly with his free hand. He leans down, his hand squeezing your cheeks together for your lips to part, and he inches forward, swallowing your lips in a sweltering kiss. You can taste the cool golden liquid on your tongue. A sweet nectar reminiscent of honey, ripe fruits, and floral notes that coats your tongue in pleasure. It tastes like paradise, like sipping from the beams of sunlight that trickle from the Heavens and onto the Human Realm, warm and comforting.

You feel your strength dissipate, your celestial halo waning as you ingest the liquid. Your eyes widen, and you try to pull away, but your weakened body is no match under his unyielding grip. The liquid is smooth and velvety, gliding effortlessly down your throat. A comfortable warmth spreads from your mouth to your chest, filling your limbs.

Mingled in with the sweet golden liquid is the sensation of the Devil’s tongue, mingling with your own, swiping against your lips, feeding you the liquid. He continues until you’ve drunk every last drop he has to give you.

When he pulls away, your head feels light, and you register a string of drool connecting your lips to his own. His thumb swipes over the swollen flesh of your bottom lip, severing the trailing gold strings between your lips, regarding you with a look of satisfaction.

You gaze up at him in confusion and hostility. Suguru withdraws, sauntering over to a nearby table to place the empty goblet down. His head turns to your direction, appraising your state, walking back to you.

You feel a pleasant warmth buzzing throughout your limbs. It feels good. A part of you hates to admit it. You know better than to trust the Devil right before you. If you weren’t weakened, you would have finished him off already. You would kill him with your bare hands. Lop off his limbs one by one. Consequences be damned.

Suguru seems to relish in the heated gaze of yours on him. He sits down on the foot of the bed casually, regarding you with a bemused curl to his lips.

“You look like you want to kill me,” he croons languidly. A hand of his reaches out, cupping your face in his cold hands. You could see the sick delight in his beautiful features. You can see him shiver from arousal, his amethyst eyes narrowing into gleeful crescents. “Ah, this expression of yours is exciting.”

The warmth in your body is now turning into an uncomfortable one. Your body trembles, feeling the heat sinking deeper into your being, wrapping your very skin with a heavy, cloying sensation. The heat swelters, turning into a burning heat that borders on painful, spreading through your limbs, making your body feel even heavier. Sluggish. Weak.

“What did you make me drink?” you demand in a hoarse snarl, scowling up at him.

“Something to loosen your inhibitions,” he replies coolly. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. You have a degree of resistance to the effects of corrupted ambrosia as a seraph. It’ll only make you feel sluggish.” He smiles wolfishly, leaning in closer to whisper the next words in your ear. “I’m not fond of unconscious women.”

“You—”

Your words are interrupted as a firm hand of his sends you down to lay down on the bed in a display of strength. The bed dips under Suguru’s weight as he hovers above you, relishing in the sight of you, weak and incapacitated below him. His silky dark hair falls over you, his handsome face regarding you as he leans down, caging you under his broad form, his four dark wings spread out behind him. His ivory silk shirt droops, allowing you to get a generous view of his perfect form, tan firm and muscular pectorals, down to the dip of his abdominal muscles. His eyes seem to glow under the shadow of his hair. And he’s so close. All you can see and feel is him. His perfect face. The sly curl of his lips.

And his scent. It’s overpowering. A dark amber. Spiced incense. His face leans in closer, and he’s so warm, you feel as if you might melt from the uncomfortable burning within your body from the corrupted ambrosia. Sandalwood enters your nose. Then the faint waft of burning embers.

“Ah, you look beautiful like this,” he whispers in that low and smooth voice of his, velvety like honey. His cool fingers cup the sides of your face, his soft fingertips rubbing over the flesh of your lip. He leans down, kissing your jawline. His soft lips nip at your skin, trailing, soft like the petals of a black rose, leaving a trail of fire in its path as he descends to your neck.

Your hands muster everything you can to try to push at his broad chest. Weak smacks to his chest. To his arms. To his face. Even a tug at his silky hair. Yet his body remains immovable. His lips continue to pepper kisses along your neck.

“I’m going to kill you,” you grit out.

A firm hand of his wraps around one of your wrists. He smirks down at you, bringing your hand to his face. His amethyst eyes are smoky, peppering kisses on your palm and wrist. The curl on his lips deepens.

“Kill me?” he muses. “How will you manage that in this state, sweetheart?”

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“What crude words from a pretty mouth,” he chuckles, pinning both your wrists above your head with a single hand. His fingers dance over your button-up shirt, lingering on the buttons. Languidly, he plucks each button off with a faint rustle of fabric.

As your bare skin is revealed to him inch by inch, your face burns in shame and anger. It’s humiliating. You are a feared and powerful seraph. An Archangel in service of God. You pride yourself on your righteousness, your purity, and your steadfast avoidance of sin and temptation. Your unwavering loyalty and adherence to the Word. Yet the Devil was unwrapping you like a present, and there was nothing you could do about it.

His amethyst eyes are reminiscent of the slits of a serpent’s eyes, regarding you. You felt powerless beneath him, your body considerably weakened. You felt like a tiny white rabbit facing the bloody jaw of a hungry wolf.

“How beautiful,” he appraises, regarding your smooth flesh. His hand wraps firmly around a mound of your breast, and he relishes in how the fat spills past his hand, his fingers twisting and squeezing at a soft nipple. You burn in shame and rage from how it hardens under his fingertips. “To think nobody has had the chance to see you like this in eons. Isn’t it such a shame?”

“I’m going to kill you,” you grit out again, but the breathiness in your voice betrays you.

Suguru’s lips curl at that, but he doesn’t address the threat. He leans down, his tongue descending on your nipple. It flicks against the hardened bud, swirling. His mouth is swelteringly warm compared to the cool touch of his skin. His hand cups your other breast, kneading it beneath his palm, his thumb and index finger pinching the nipple. You grit your teeth, pressing your lips shut. You ignore how your traitorous thighs press together from the sensation. You refuse to give the Devil the satisfaction of knowing that you’re feeling something from this.

Your teeth bite down on your lip. You refuse to make a sound. You refuse to give in to the foreign tingling sensation that begins from where the Devil is lapping up at your breast and is spreading through the rest of your body. You don’t know why your body is throbbing. Why that place between your legs is pulsing.

Suguru takes his time.

He languidly moves to the other nipple by pressing kisses onto your skin, leaving a burning trail under his lips. Your weakened body betrays you. You knew you couldn’t push him off even if you mustered all your strength.

Suguru’s fingers work at your pants. He finally lets go of your wrists that he was pinning above your head to pull off your pants.

You use this opportunity to grip at his broad shoulders in an attempt to push him off. He doesn’t even budge. He remains undisturbed, as if your strength wasn’t even enough to make him falter, and he successfully slides your pants off your legs. He tosses it to the floor of his room.

He grips your thighs, pulling you down to the edge of the bed. You can feel the silk sheets drag against your wings. He parts your thighs, his face leaning in as he inspects your panties.

Your feet kick at his shoulders, but he simply pins your thighs, keeping your legs spread for him. His gaze is intense, simply focused on your panties. You want to burn in shame.

“White lace,” he observes in amusement. “Very cute.”

“When this wears off, I’m going to tear you limb by limb, Devil,” you inveigh, your words laced with poison. “I’m going to make you regret ever crossing my path.”

“You say that,” he hums pensively. His thumb leans in, rubbing at a graying spot on the center of your panties. “But you’re all wet, sweetheart.”

You bite down on your lip hard enough to draw blood. You had been ignoring the stickiness between your thighs. How as his tongue moved and suckled on your nipples and your skin, you felt yourself getting damper and damper. You reasoned that this wasn’t of your volition. Your body was betraying you. You were not enjoying this. You refuse to sin. You were not going to fall to temptation. Not with the fucking Devil. Hell would freeze over before that happened.

“Do you think I’m going to take you by force?” he muses, regarding you from between your parted thighs. “No, angel, that’s not what’s going to happen here.”

You glare at him, indignation filling your being. You didn’t believe a single word that was coming out of his mouth. You were certain that he planned on making you fall into temptation. He was not beneath forcing you into it. Your blood boiled at the thought.

His amethyst eyes glimmered in amusement, and his voice drops into a low and soft croon, almost innocent sounding, if not for the fact that he was the fucking Devil himself.

“I’m going to make you beg for it.”

“Your thighs feel heavenly,” he whispers into your ear from behind.

You were sitting on his lap, your thighs pressed together as he rubbed his fat cock between your thighs. His cock repeatedly rubs against your clothed clit, the flushed red tip rubbing against the dampness of your cunt. You suppress any sounds that threaten to escape your lips.

“Doesn’t this feel good?” he hums, kissing your neck.

“It doesn’t feel good,” you grit out roughly.

It was a lie, of course. It did feel good. Too good. The friction from the way his fat cock rubs against you renders you a bit breathless. You didn’t quite understand it yourself. You are one of the almighty Seven Archangels, the loyal servants of God himself. You are not tempted by mortal pleasures or material possessions. You are above them.

His fat tip repeatedly rubs against the hood of your clothed slit. Your panties were long disposed of at this point, laying in disarray with your other clothes on the floor. A wet pap accompanies each pump of Suguru’s hips. The sensation was toe curling. Enough to have your mind blanking here and there. A traitorous part of you briefly thought that this must be the reason why the sin of the flesh was one of the most prominent temptations to fall to.

“It doesn’t feel good?” Suguru muses, though you had an inkling he didn’t believe you. You had a hard time believing yourself as well. Your nipples were erect. Your breaths were hitched. And you were soaking his cock in slick as he rubs against you.

“It doesn’t,” you grit out, though the quiver in your breath failed you.

It wasn’t a convincing statement. But you were going to convince yourself.

You will not fall into temptation. You will not sin.

“I should work harder then, hm?” he whispers into your left ear. You could hear the smirk on his lips.

His hand slithers down to the dampness of your cunt, his fingertips brushing against the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your thighs tensed, quivering from the sensation. His fingers are gentle and languid, pinching the engorged pearl of your clit, rolling it between his fingertips.

“You’ve never touched yourself,” he murmurs in that velvety voice of his. “Never let yourself taste the pleasures of the flesh.”

He lifts you easily, setting you down on your back on the bed, pressing your thighs together for him. He settles between your legs, pressing his girthy and lengthy cock against your glistening pussy lips. When he lets go of his cock, your traitorous eyes drink up the sight. It was huge, heavy enough to be unable to stand on its own. You don’t understand why your thighs tense. One hand of his settles under your knees, pressing you down to keep you still while also keeping your legs together, as his other hand guides his meaty tip to rub against the hood of your clit.

He fucks your thighs, rubbing against your cunt, never slipping in or pushing in. The sound is lewd, sending heat to your body at the wet paps. Suguru is nasty with it, grunting softly as he uses you. He smears your cunt and your thighs with a glossy sheen of your slick. His purple eyes narrow in mirth as he gazes down at your twisting expression, how you clamp down on your bottom lip to not let any sound out.

Then, as if he’d grown tired of it, he pulls away, tucking his hard cock back in his pants, settling down between your thighs, his face inching closer. Gently, his pillowy lips plant kisses on your inner thigh, lapping up at the slick. He stares at you seductively with those amethyst eyes, a curl on his lips as he presses a kiss to your cunt. Then his tongue flicks out, teasing your flesh.

Your hands fist the sheets, the sanctity of self-control slipping through your fingers like sand. His tongue moves languidly, tasting, teasing. Each deliberate flick against your swollen clit sends sparks of sensation through you, threatening to drown out the anger that smoldered within.

“You’re trembling,” Suguru murmurs, his voice a low hum against your flesh, the low drawl sending a pleasant vibration throughout your body. “It’s adorable, really. You’re trying so hard to resist what your body already knows it craves.”

“No,” you grit out, breathless.

His chuckle was dark, like the quiet roll of thunder before a storm. “No? Then why are you soaking me, darling?” His tongue drags slowly over you, savoring the way your thighs quiver with each flick. “Your mouth can lie, but this?” He presses two thick fingers to your cunt, not pushing in, just teasing the slick folds. “This tells me the truth.”

Shame courses through you, bitter and hot, even as your hips betray you by arching ever so slightly. You want to spit words of defiance, but they tangle in your throat, choking on the treacherous whimper that nearly crawled out of you as his lips wrap around your clit and he sucks.

Your wings, usually so steady and unfurled in their glory, flutter weakly at your sides. Every nerve in your body screams. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, warring with the cacophony of pleasure and anger that conflate and well within your body.

“You hate this, don’t you?” Suguru’s low voice is sin itself—soft, coaxing, a siren’s song. His lips hover just above your clit as his fingers slide lower, parting your folds, tracing it. “Hate that it feels good. Hate that I’m the one showing you.”

“I fucking hate you,” you whisper, your voice trembling.

You feel him smirk into your cunt. He presses a languid kiss, licking up a stripe. “No, angel,” you can hear the smug and cruel smirk on his lips. “You hate yourself.”

His fingers press into you then, stretching you at last, a teasing pressure that has your thighs clenching despite yourself. The sensation is foreign—maddening. Your nails dig into the sheets, curling into your palms, sinking into the flesh, leaving reddened crescents in their wake. The sharp bite of your own pain grounds you for a fragile second before it dissolves under the next wave of pleasure.

“Don’t!” you try to command, but your voice wavers, trembling with something you refuse to name.

“Don’t what?” he asks, mock innocence dripping from his lips. His smirk widens as he pushes a second finger inside you, slow and deliberate. “Don’t do this?” He curls it just so, pressing against a spot that makes your thighs jerk against him.

The breath punches out of you in a shuddering exhale, your body betraying the fragile defenses of your mind. Suguru works you slowly, watching each and every expression, listening to every sound that escapes your parted lips, with those piercing amethyst eyes, moving his fingers in and out in an unbearable rhythm.

“There she goes,” he murmurs affectionately, his voice a gentle caress. “See how your body opens up for me?” He slows the strokes of his fingers, letting you feel every drag of his fingers through your walls, letting you hear the slick that soaks his palm, tainting the sheets beneath you. “You can deny it all you want, angel, but you’re made for this.”

You want to scream at him, call him a liar, but the words are stuck in your throat. Instead, your hips roll into his hand, chasing the maddening friction his fingers created. You bite your lip hard, the metallic tang of blood grounding you for a moment before his fingers curled against, sending a bolt of pleasure straight through you.

“Stop!” you hiss out, though it almost resembles that of a weak whimper.

He laughs softly, darkly. “Stop moving? But it’s you who’s moving, darling.” His thumb finds your clit then, pressing down with a maddening precision that leaves you breathless, coupled in with his two fingers that continuously pump into you. “You’re the one begging without even realizing it.”

“I’m not begging!” you spit out, glaring down at him, but your voice cracks.

His smile deepens.

“No?” His fingers plunge deeper, the wet sound of your slick filling the room, shame mixing with the sweltering heat inside of you. “Then why are you dripping all over me? Why are your hips chasing my hand like this?”

His words are like a whip against your pride, but the shame only seemed to feed the inferno building inside your core. You clench around his fingers, your eyes rolling involuntarily, head tipping back slightly from the bright flash of pleasure that overwhelms you, your body betraying you further as your legs fall open wider.

“Ah,” Suguru coos darkly, his thumb circling your clit. “I think I understand now.” He leans down, his dark hair falling around you, the fragrant strands entangling you in his cloying scent. Suguru’s face hovers just above yours, beautiful in a way that feels unnatural, almost blasphemous. His amethyst eyes burn with an unholy light, framed by lashes so thick and dark they seem almost painted on. The sharp cut of his jaw softens only by the teasing curl of his lips, which glisten as he runs his tongue over them, savoring your expression—your anguish. He looks like a serpent poised to sink its fangs into its prey, his smirk a venomous promise of your undoing. He leans down further, overwhelming your senses, his breath hot against your ear.

“You want more, don’t you?”

“No,” you finally whimper, but for the slightest moment, you waver. You feel the craving growing inside of you, an unbearable hunger that his fingers alone couldn’t satisfy. Your body aches for something deeper, something that would finally extinguish the fire consuming you.

He smiles wolfishly. “Your body says otherwise,” he hums. His voice is low, dangerous, confident. His fingers withdraw suddenly, and he pulls away, his cloying scent receding from its attack on your senses, leaving you clenching around nothing, the absence hitting you like a wave.

A small, broken sound escapes your lips before you could stop it, your body motioning to sit up, eyes widening and gazing up at him in disbelief.

Your body runs cold at the smirk that graces his lips.

“There it is,” he says, almost lovingly. “The real you.” He leans in closer, amethyst eyes regarding you with mirth, drinking in your expression. “Desperate.” His other hand pulls you to sit up, holding you firmly, his lips curling. “Hungry.”

He presses his slickened fingers against your lips, forcing them to part, laying itself against your tongue, smearing your slick against them as he whispers, “Go on. Taste yourself. See what your holiness is worth now.”

You can’t turn your head away even if you try, tears burning in your eyes, but your body betrays you again, hips shifting restlessly against the sheets, seeking him out.

Your tongue flicks out, lapping at his fingers. Tears flow down your cheeks, shame and anger and something else you still refuse to name coursing through your body. You can taste yourself. Taste the evidence of your body’s betrayal.

“Good girl,” Suguru coos, amethyst eyes regarding you almost fondly. His fingers withdraw from your mouth, his thumb dragging against the flesh of your lips. He leans in, capturing your lips in a kiss. His tongue swipes against your bottom lip, his lips as soft as the fleshy petals of a rose, devouring you.

When he pulls away, you feel your breath escape you, gazing up into his amethyst eyes that glimmer in satisfaction. His absence only grows the sweltering heat between your legs.

“Sweet,” he hums, his hand cupping the side of your face. “But not sweet enough. You’re still holding back, angel.”

“…I’ll never give you the satisfaction,” you breathe out, your chest rising and falling.

He chuckles darkly, his hands settling on your waist, easing you to lay down on the bed. His face hovers above yours, so close that his breath ghosts over your lips. “You will,” he says simply, his certainty cutting through you like a blade. A dull hum that anticipates your compliance.

He moves lower, languidly taking himself out of his pants. You hear the rustle of clothing as he knelt before you, his flushed thick cock—hard, erect, weeping—held by his hand. He shifts closer, resting his cock against your cunt, the heavy, throbbing weight of it resting there without pushing in. An itch wells within your body. Your breaths are heavy, eyeing his cock, wondering—heavens, you hate yourself for doing so—how exactly it would feel insi—

You force yourself to stop that thought, your body trembling. It was infuriating, humiliating, and maddening all at once.

Suguru smiles down at you sweetly, shifting to hover over you as he slaps the heavy tip of his fat cock against your cunt. The lewd paps, slickened by your arousal, only serve to heighten the burning sensation spreading throughout your limbs.

“Is this what you need, angel?” His voice is a velvet whisper as he leans down to press a kiss to your trembling lips. It’s soft, tender even, and it makes your stomach twist in revulsion and longing.

That sweltering heat between your legs only grows. Anticipation bubbles in your lower stomach. You’re trembling, helpless.

“Just say the word, sweetheart,” he coos. He tilts his perfect face, those amethyst eyes—aposematic in nature, upon your reflection—regarding you. They glint, his face framed by the inky cascade of his silky dark hair. “Say the word, and I’ll fix that emptiness you feel. The ache that my fingers won’t satisfy.”

You hate yourself. Every throb of your cunt, the sensation of his heavy cock resting, rubbing against the hood of your clit—so close, yet so far—seem to ignite a deeper hunger within you; a hollow, gnawing need to be filled. Your breaths come in shallow, broken gasps, your wings trembling at your sides as you fight the warring forces within you.

“I…” your voice falters, shame choking you as your hips involuntarily buck against the heavy weight of his cock, seeking friction, relief—to be filled.

“Yes, angel?” Suguru purrs, his lips trailing down the curve of your neck. “Tell me what you need. Say it.”

Your teeth clench as hot tears prick at your eyes, hot, and stinging. You gaze up, silently begging for forgiveness from Him. “I need nothing from you,” you growl out, though the words felt hollow and empty as they left your lips.

Your mind screams at you to resist, to fight, to remember what you stand for. You are a mighty Archangel, the trusted servant of God. You are above mortal pleasures or temptations. But your body… Your body is betraying you with every shiver, every arch of your lips, every breathless gasp that escapes your lips, every sinful thought that invades your mind.

You clench your teeth, feeling the hot tears staining your cheeks. The sight of Suguru’s handsome face hovering above you blurs through your tears. The last fragments of your ironclad result crumbling under the unbearable ache inside of you.

“I hate you,” you whisper, though the words lack conviction.

“And yet,” he murmurs, leaning down, licking up your tears, tasting his sweet victory, his lips curving into a triumphant smirk against your skin, “you need me.”

The shame is unbearable, but the hunger is worse. Your wings tremble, your fists clench, and your thighs fall open just a fraction wider, as if your body already made the choice for you.

The gesture doesn’t escape his amethyst eyes, and they narrow almost fondly.

“There’s my good girl,” he coos.

You don’t resist as he grabs his furious cock, aligning it to your slick cunt. You can’t peel your eyes away from the sight, the way his meaty tip presses against your folds. Your body offers little resistance, with Suguru praising you as he presses his fat tip in past the initial tight ring of muscle.

Your eyes roll into the back of your head from the pleasure, clamping down on him from the foreign sensation, gasping out as tears prick your eyes.

“You’re taking me so well, angel,” he whispers, sliding in, finding little resistance. Your thighs quiver as his thick cock fills you, overwhelming your senses. Your mind can’t think of anything else but the sheer relief that envelops you.

His hands shift down, resting under your knees, and he’s folding you, pressing your knees against your shoulder. The motion knocks the breath out of your lungs, earning a weak whimper as you feel his heavy balls slap against the curve of your ass. Your mind blanks as he bottoms out, filling you to the point of discomfort.

His purple eyes glint with a sick satisfaction as he gazes down at you, and you barely have a chance to utter a word before it feels as if he’s punching himself in. You sputter, your lips parting in broken mewls and moans as he sets an inhuman pace. It’s too fast. Too much.

“I should’ve fucked you a long time ago,” he grunts out, his hand resting at the juncture of your neck, pressing down on your windpipe. Your cunt clenches down on him, earning a groan from his lips.

You sob out weakly, shame and pleasure coursing through your limbs, manifesting in hot tears. They do nothing to deter Suguru or his pace. If anything, his hands tighten around your neck, and he leans down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. He swallows you. A voracious serpent claiming its prey, strangling you in its cold and scaly embrace, sinking its teeth into your flesh.

You feel lightheaded. You don’t feel like yourself. Your body is on fire. You can feel each and every drag of Suguru’s fat cock through your walls—can feel each vein, the way his meaty tip bullies your insides. It’s so painfully overwhelming that it throws you into the throes of burning white pleasure.

You cry out as you cum, your cunt fluttering around his cock, soiling it in creamy translucent strings, staining the fabric beneath you. His hand loosens around your neck, giving you temporary relief.

“There you go, angel,” he groans out, his hips stuttering from how tight your walls got from your orgasm.

You quiver beneath him, momentarily blanking out from the intense sensation.

Suguru grunts, smiling in sick glee as he pulls out with a lewd squelch. As if you weighed nothing, he quickly maneuvered you onto your face, hoisting your ass up, bending your body into a pretty arch. He admires the creamy mess smeared all over your cunt, trailing down your thighs in pearly drops.

The sight before him is angelic. The unfurling of your six ivory wings behind your back, a visage that was as beautiful as the creamy slick coating your cunt and the base of his cock.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers.

He wastes no time, aligning himself to your soppy cunt, entering. He claims you easily, fills every empty crevice—satiates that absence and emptiness that you feel.

Your toes curl from this position. It feels like he just might pierce your lungs. Like he intends to imprint himself upon your very being. Your nails dig into the sheets, trying to grip onto something—some semblance of control that you were slowly losing.

The room hangs heavy with the aftermath, the scent of sweat, sin, and debauchery clinging to the charged air like an unholy fog. Suguru’s broad chest rises and falls in a lazy rhythm as he leans back against the dark silk headboard, his lips curling into a pleasant smile that drips with cruel satisfaction.

You lay beside him, trembling, your body quivering from more than just exhaustion. The act is over, but its weight bears down on you like chains, each link forged from shame, regret, and disbelief. Your skin felt foreign—an unrecognizable vessel tainted by what you had done.

Above your head, your halo, once a radiant crown of the Almighty God’s trust, shimmers faintly. It had been brighter than any star that decorates the skies of the Human Realm, a perfect symbol of God’s favor. Now it wavers, its golden light dimming, the edges darkening as though something rotten gnaws at it from within.

You close your eyes, desperate to summon the connection you had known all your existence. The warmth of His presence. The light that answered every thought and prayer. The voice that reassures you and guides you to the right path. You whisper a trembling, “Father…”

But there was nothing.

Your chest sinks, as though a cold draft had come over your body.

“No,” you breathe, your voice breaking. Your trembling hands reach for the flickering halo, desperate to touch it, to hold onto the last vestige of your purity, your honor, your identity. Your fingertips brush its edges, and you cry out as an unfathomable pain sears through you, the once comforting light burning you like fire.

Your hands tremble further as you inspect your palms, your lips quivering as you gaze down at the reddened and burnt flesh of your fingertips. The silence was deafening, broken only by Suguru’s dark chuckle.

“Oh, little angel,” he murmurs in a sing-song tone, his voice syrupy with mockery. You meet his gaze, feeling your composure crumbling away. His amethyst eyes pin you with those sultry eyes, almost fond, as if he was regarding something he found beautiful. “Do you feel it? The unraveling?”

The room seems to shift. The air tightens like a vice, and all of the sudden, the chilly room feels too hot. Sweltering. Like a presence that constricts you into a tight vice. A sudden crack splits the tense silence, sharp and visceral, accompanied by the loud crackle of thunder. Pain explodes throughout your back, yanking a raw scream from your dry throat. You claw at the sheets, sobbing out, your bloody fingers leaving their trails on the fabric, your nails tearing through the fabric as agony tore through your body.

Your wings—six magnificent, holy appendages—erupts from your back in a grotesque display. You choke out blood, dripping down your chin, your eyes widening. The once-blinding ivory feathers were now black as onyx, their edges fraying, dripping with a viscous, tar-like ichor. Each feather seems to curl inward, shriveling and decaying right before your bloodshot eyes.

“No—please—” you sob out, your voice raw, writhing on the bed. Your arms reach behind you, fingers clutching at the jagged remains of your wings—your position as God’s favored—but the ichor burns where it touches your skin. Blood pours in thick rivulets from the gashes where the wings connected to your warmth, pooling beneath you in a sickening warmth.

Suguru sits up, watching you with a gleam of dark satisfaction. “So beautiful,” he murmurs, his tone almost reverent.

Your screams turn shrill, raw—animalistic, your body convulsing as your wings shed their corrupted feathers. The exposed bone splinters, cracking apart with wet, nauseating sounds until your once brilliant, magnificent wings lay mangled and useless.

Above your head, your halo dims further. The golden circle crackles like fragile glass, spreading fissures across its surface. Your shaky hands weakly reach for it again, your hands bathed in blood and ichor.

“No,” you whimper, your hot tears mingling with the crimson streaking your face. “I didn’t mean to—”

The halo shatters.

They fall around you in jagged shards, the light snuffed out as they slice into your skin. The room falls deathly silent as the last piece hits the bloodied sheets.

The emptiness that follows is resolute.

“Do you feel it?” Suguru asks softly, leaning in closer, uncaring of the pool of blood staining the sheets. His soft hands brush your crimson cheeks almost tenderly, his amethyst eyes glowing in an aposematic manner. “The silence? He’s gone, little angel. You’ve severed yourself from Him, too.”

Your body shakes with sobs, your voice cracking as you cry out, “No! He’s not—I can still—He’ll forgive me—”

Suguru’s handsome smile, charming as ever, widens. Cruel and taunting. “Forgive you for what?” he muses, his smooth tone dripping with derision. “There’s nothing to forgive, angel,” he whispers. “This is just who you are. Not holy. Not pure. Just flesh. Wanting. Craving. Taking.”

Your lips quiver, your crimson tears flowing freely now. “No,” you whisper out weakly. “That’s not true—I didn’t—”

“You did,” he interrupts smoothly, his smooth thumb dragging over your bloodied lips. “You’ve been pretending all this time, hiding behind His light. But this”—he gestures to your broken wings, your shattered halo, your trembling, tainted body—“is the truth.”

You shake your head, your denial cracking beneath the weight of his words. You wanted to fight him. To refuse. To claw your way back to the light, but deep inside, a part of you knew he was right.

Suguru’s lips curl, his amethyst eyes narrowing in serpentine slits.

“How does freedom taste, angel?”

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fictionalsimp09 · 5 months ago

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sea – @rosekillermicrofic – 234 words

One of Evan’s favourite places in the world is the beach. The gentle crash of waves against the shore lulls him, and he lets his mind wander. Looking at the horizon, he remembers just how small they are in the grand scheme of things. Nothing truly matters other than being happy, life’s too short to worry.

“You okay?” Barty asks.

Evan invited Barty, the one person he has told exactly what this place means to him, and are watching the remnants of the sunset they just watched, the sky slowly fading into black.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking.”

“Ooh, dangerous,” he jokes.

“Piss off.” Evan shoves his shoulder.

“But you’re okay though?” he repeats a bit more seriously.

Evan smiles softly, something he rarely does. “I’m okay.” Barty’s eyes look him up and down, assessing, before he smirks devilishly. “No, I’m not okay. Whatever you are thinking, don’t.”

“Too late, Rosie,” Barty takes a step towards him. “You know nothing can change my mind when I want to do something.”

“What do you want to do?” he asks sceptically.

“Race you to the sea.”

Barty starts running and Evan catches up. Soon enough they are feeling the cool water against their skin, and Barty splashes some at Evan, who reciprocates. They laugh until their cheeks hurt and swim until their skin wrinkles. It’s just him and Barty in the world. Everything else is not important.

#marauders era #rosekiller microfic #rosekiller #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #microfics #my fic

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chatsukimi · 8 months ago

Text

ʀᴇɢʀᴇᴛ

featuring: jujutsusorcerer!nanami, curse!reader, angst, breaking up. synopsis: life is too short to hold yourself back. you force a certain uptight sorcerer to learn the hard way. masterlist

nanami likes to think he has no regrets. he tells the students that he'd never had a lover, not one that lasted very long anyway. he tells anyone who asked that he is too busy in his job to date.

too busy to date a normal person outside his job, he means.

in other words, nanami likes to forget he likes a curse.

you're sitting on his couch, folding his shirts fresh from the laundry. "kento-kun!"

nanami likes to think he turns away. likes to think he goes to the kitchen to prepare his dull blade to kill you, but, recently, he's learnt that he's a liar.

you tiptoe over, examining how he runs his knife under tap water to clean off the curse residue. you had reacted better than he thought you would when you learnt he exorcised curses, probably because you were a mediocre curse yourself, not involved in the grand scheme of things.

you peer curiously over his shoulder. "that's your weapon?"

he lifts it up purposefully close to show you, but instead of shrinking away, your hands attach to its sides, gracing the cloth gently.

"woah..."

he stills. when he begins chopping up the vegetables, you're right by his side, helping him cook with rapid skill.

"careful. don't add too much salt in," he says, an uneasy monotone gracing your ears.

he doesn't look at you.

you pause on the salt, staring at him. "is something wrong?"

a flashback zips through his head, of a dying colleague, of a growing curse. mostly holding himself back, nanami lets out a long exhale. he shakes his head.

"no. i'm alright."

the atmosphere is tense under your scrutiny, probably because, for you, he would taste better than any human dish might. truthfully speaking, you only eat his food out of politesse.

'liar,' you whisper into his ear, glaring at him with an infinite amount of human hurt. "don't lie to me."

you know as well as he does.

nanami likes to think his heart doesn't clench when you reach out to hold his hand, your skin that reminiscent of that terrifying rubber feel he's constantly associated with death. you pause when he flinches away.

"nanami?"

kill them. that's your job, it's what you must do. kill them.

he murmurs lowly, "i think it's time for you to leave."

you take a step back. he doesn't move. you wait for him to chase after you while receding from him, two steps at a time.

nanami likes to think he's a serious man. likes to think he knows what's right for him and others at the most important incidences. but strip away the guise of having it all together and he realises what's most human about him is slipping through between his fingers: you.

watching you, nanami cannot think.

he's stalking towards you towards the exit. you've turned your back on him. his heartbeat tremors.

"wait-"

your voice is empty when you respond- is this what he'll remember you by?

"what, nanami?"

would nanami force you to stay? he's always been selfish in keeping you at his place, treasuring the heartfelt words, midnight slow dances, pretending the outside world didn't exist. the world which draws a distinct line between humans and curses. good and evil. but now, now nanami has to choose.

"don't go." he croaks. pathetic.

you stand there, head lowered. "why? what even am i to you?"

curse or human?

the words taste bitter in his mouth, crawling to the tip of his tongue. speak! kento, what are you doing?! speak! and in the ideal world, he says them, right there, held in your molten gaze. those three words would have you rushing back into his arms, ready to start anew. it would read like a fairy-tale.

he would be happy.

yet earth is a hell that confines him. he cannot force himself to take another step forward. you cannot force yourself to take another step back.

this is what would've always happened.

in a split second decision, you put on your shoes.

"forget me, kento," you breathe. let's pretend this never happened. "i know you hate curses getting stronger."

you cross the threshold of his door. the fantasy dissipates.

when he opens the door again, nanami looks down the corridor of his apartment complex and sees no one.

not even the curse of regret.

#nanami x reader #nanami kento #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk nanami #jujutsu nanami #nanami angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst #nanami #kento nanami

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cyb3rtarot · 11 months ago

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Pick a Pile: Nature Messages

Disclaimer: In this PAP I'm reading my homemade nature-based oracle with tarot and other oracle decks. There’s general messages and advice. Readings are not replacements for professional advice! Take what confirms you and leave what confuses you.

pile 1 ❀.ೃ࿔ pile 2 pile 3 ❀.ೃ࿔ pile 4

ᨒ↟

Pile 1:

Rushing Water

[Healing (King of Emotion), Receptivity (Queen of Emotion), Uncertainty]

Hi pile 1! This pile has gone through a major healing period, or you might be in the tail-end of it. This could have been intense or fast—like a whirlwind of purged emotions and memories. Mental energy that was stagnant for a long time was suddenly swept away, and not painlessly. Now you’re a clean slate. You understood the importance of exfoliating these old mindsets, and there’s an inner child ready to look at everything with wonder again. Roles you have been forced to play dissipate. You can decide who you are instead of only reacting to an idea of yourself. There’s a sense of starting again and freshly taking in the world.

Beauty

[Experiencing, You Can’t Go Back to Yesterday, Ordinariness]

You have opportunities to appreciate the moment. You might be leaving a door open for things from the past, or you feel anxious about where to start with your new self. Be in the present! The beauty of life is coming through the routine and mundane—appreciating existence even when nothing big is happening. Finding joy in just being and the small things can help rebuild yourself. Appreciation will help you feel more connected and aware in the grand scheme of things. But, it’s harder to be open to this beauty if you’re still holding old expectations over yourself. Physical activities rather than mental ones may be especially helpful at this time, such as walking or gardening.

Cactus

[The Tower rx, Impossible Things rx, Achievement (Sun in Capricorn, 10th house)]

Your defenses are up. Many of you have constant worry as a backdrop to everything. You’re waiting for something big to happen or to blow up in your face. Some are waiting for a dead situation to revive and putting your defenses up to everything else. Part of healing is trusting yourself to manage even when you don’t have all the facts. Waiting for something to happen can function as a way to ignore your present life or procrastinate, and you might end up ignoring lovely things. There’s irony here, having skepticism about good possibilities but not being skeptical about the worst possibilities. Not every day can be a tower moment. Many days are regular and will slip into time, which is why the opportunity to experience and steer it now can be a gift. Remembering this will create a strong foundation for later.

Advice—Bonfire

[Consciousness (Ace of Mind), Nothingness, 7 of cups]

The only mental suit in your reading is in your advice, and it emphasizes not overthinking. Awareness is needed to find yourself underneath your stressors, otherwise you may treat those as inherent parts of your character and life. This awareness can be found in joys of the mundane, letting your inner child out, and celebrating. Do things that bring you out of your head and into the physical. Or, activities that join reflection with sensory experience, such as meditating with candles & incense. Don’t waste your new self seeking those who can only accept past versions of you. If being present means taking more time with just yourself, that’s okay. Purposeful alone time is very helpful right now, especially during night if you can make time. You have a vast abundance of potential in and around you that can sprout anything, but you won’t truly understand or appreciate the extent of this if you don’t live it. Slow down and appreciate the warmth that’s already available. Also, don’t beat yourself up for progressing slower.

Extra Details: coastal areas (coves or hills, golden sand), the beach at night, yellow stars (star shaped lamp?), working with friends/partner (especially if you left), The Office, gratitude practices (affirmations, journaling, etc), greatly increased intuition, or increased feelings of connection to Source/God/Higher Self/etc—you felt the connection was strained before? There’s awareness of something bigger than yourself, even your emotions or soul. xxxHolic, healing heart & throat energies, blue, water Sun & Moon, water N. Node (especially Cancer), Venus dominant, Venus-Moon natal aspect, heavy Cancer placements, feeling hopeful about career/finances or taking steps in that area (even slowly), trees/tree-hugging, taking care of plants, feeling like you’re given or gifted things & opportunities (but maybe you don’t care for whatever these are lol), shooting stars/meteor showers, comets, making a wish (or you feel very hopeful at this time), starting a new solo project or career, waiting for an ex (partner or friend), deer in headlights, lotus, feeling alone especially at night (you may want to try setting aside peaceful time if you’re usually busy at night or do something to purposefully wind down). If you were already drawn to pile 3 it may resonate

ᨒ↟

Pile 2:

Hope

[Innocence, Nothingness, Awareness]

Hello pile 2! There's a very new and wonder-filled energy. An old version of yourself is dying so to speak, and you’re entering a different headspace. You might feel like a kid again, or life is prompting you to give your inner child power. Some of you are worried that means making bad decisions or indulging in things you shouldn’t? But this is about the innocence in your inner child’s perspective—and you still have knowledge and experience to express this part of yourself wisely.

With Nothingness + Awareness, I feel you’re already embodying this, but some of you have anxiety that’s stopping your enjoyment and hope. There may be shame with past relationships. Like how you may have gotten used, or you’re angry at yourself for things you didn’t notice. This is a good time to revisit activities and places you loved in your childhood. They can help integrate the experience you gained with your inner child. Time alone with yourself and nostalgia, becoming reacquainted with yourself & life (finding healthy ways to engage with nostalgia is important for you). Things that were blinding you have passed and you've been made anew. Lay down the last self-judgements so you can be fully aware of life’s present potential. If you already felt drawn to pile one, this “clean-slate” vibe and huge energy of potential is very similar. Or, you might have friends that embody the energy of pile one.

Organization

[Friendliness, Manipulation (Jupiter in Scorpio, 8th house), All in the Golden Afternoon]

In terms of divine timing, there's a time and place for everything. What doesn’t make sense now may be a key piece of a puzzle later or an important shift. Many of you are having a faith or emotional crisis. You may feel strained with the grand scheme of things or a higher power, wondering why things happen the way they do. This is linked to that clean-slate energy, as this transformation of self/beliefs is having a profound impact on your inner world. These strong emotions (especially if you’re angry or indignant) can fuel your investigation of life, your new beliefs, and in creating.

You could be experiencing things emotionally & spiritually you never have before, especially in relation to a major loss in the last 6-9 months. Some of you got some blessing or achievement related to this time and you may feel conflicted about it. Regardless, balancing socializing with alone time is important for you. Interacting with others will help you make sense of the world, can inspire you, and can also help you work through grief both of you may be experiencing. The phrase “checking in” comes to mind; both you and your loved ones can benefit from being more there for each other. This doesn’t extend to people who no longer have a healthy space in your life. Some of you are punishing yourself or caging yourself in loneliness by not seeking healthy social interaction. Intentional alone time is good, but not as a way to punish yourself.

Underwater

[Clinging to the Past, Keep Your Temper, Discovery (Mercury in Sagittarius, 9th house)]

Positive outlets for emotions and restlessness are very important. Strong emotions have come out twice. You may feel like you’re drowning in feelings or confusion. You could have an explosive or blinding temper right now that you’re suppressing. There’s anxiety & fear about how fast or strangely things are moving in your life—especially if any kind of intuition, spiritual practice, or similar things have developed. But the fear you feel is not reflective of your abilities. Loss, change, and learning curves ARE scary. I keep getting this self-punishment or self-“inflammatory” (?) vibe. Like when too much emotion or confusion builds up, you become your own target (especially in anger). Your emotional capacity is not the enemy. Always seek professional emotional help or stress management if you need it; don’t take it out on yourself when life is hard. Your emotions are powerful when directed into something non-destructive. That’s easier said than done, but the bottom row of your reading really emphasizes self-discoveries, creative ideas, and new perspectives your emotions can lead you to. Healthy ways to manage your explosive side will help you tap into this. For example, travel keeps coming up. Going somewhere to clear your head and get away from stifling energy could help, especially if you can travel somewhere special to you. Even going to a new place locally can shift energy. A lot of you are experiencing this because of grief or because rapid changes are pushing you to the familiarity of the past. You may look at past people with rose-tinted glasses or long for innocent times. This can be another form of self-punishment—making yourself obsess over what once was (or never was) instead of loving present you. You are braver than you let yourself feel.

Advice—Decay

[Impulsiveness (Mars in Aries, 1st house), the Lovers rx, Page of Swords rx]

There’s an important ending; this could be part of the grief mentioned if you’re now trying to feel alive again. You’re clinging to something that’s gone or leaving, and this is fanning the flames of emotion. All things naturally reach endings, and there's more on the other side of the transformation. What steps can you take that signify a new mindset? It can be as simple as trying a new activity.

I am picking up a lot about communication with another. Maybe a relationship is coming to a close or not on good terms, or you’ve been thinking about communicating with someone from the past. Maintain a wide and objective perspective; very high emotions may cloud your communication skills. It’s not so much about regret, but you may not be satisfied if you speak while upset. For those that resonated with this, you may also resonate with the message below (I channeled it before I wrote this part).

Specific message: please be careful of overindulging, especially drinking! This message is so important, it came through in my dream before I pulled your cards. Your guides or whatever forces you believe in are really, really wanting me to stress about not overdoing it in this department, especially if you tend to think you’re more sober than you are, or go from 0 to 100? Be very aware of your pacing because there’s something about easily going overboard without realizing, and potential communication in regards to that such as drunk confessions. This is 200% so if you’re hosting or going to a party/get-together, or socially drinking. If you’ve been drinking more this is fueling your past regrets and nostalgia.

Extra Details: restless/excited energy (& anticipation/anxiety), transitory period, anxiety in your chest, blocked heart/throat/third eye energy (may feel an imagination block; journaling can help). Great Red Spot, starfish, suddenly feeling very intuitive, confused about spiritual/religious beliefs, Jupiter as an important natal planet, Sagittarius + Scorpio placements, fire Moon and Mars, water & fire as dominant elements in inner planets & Jupiter, death of someone that changed your life but you weren’t close or on good terms (already happened), rehab, wanting to host a party/get-together, angry or confused with God/universe, putting on an "okay" attitude for others’ sake, nostalgic dreams, feeling stagnant, questioning or leaving a music career (singing, gospel/spiritual music?), veggie tales?, gardening (maybe in childhood), wanting to break no communication or text an ex/new crush, finding online communities, “Are We Moving Too Fast?” by Malibu 92, feeling like you’re in a dream/ infatuated with a dream version of someone, love songs, Kyoukai no Kanata

ᨒ↟

Pile 3:

Changing of the Seasons

[The Lovers, Abundance (King of Material), Sharing (Queen of Action)]

Hi pile 3! You guys are embodying a new energy much like the other piles. Your cards show having so much to be shared. With the King of the physical suit, this is likely material blessings. Some of you have been struggling with past regret/vendettas, and deciding to move on has shifted the energy. Or, some of you are starting a new faith? This is a very fulfilling time and it reminds me of Summer, with all the abundance and “sunshine-y” energy (maybe a significant season for you). Wholeheartedly embrace however this manifests; matching the effort from the Universe/higher power/etc will increase your success (I also heard “manifold;” there could be many things happening at once).

Let go of lack, scarcity, and insecure mindsets; there’s enough to go around. This Lovers card speaks of how people mirror each other and how love evolves into compassion. Embracing compassion—and trusting that it’s okay to feel safety and joy—will allow abundance to overflow. This can even just be uplifting yourself and those around you with positivity. This extends into your community, uplifting the “village”. It goes the other way too. If people would like to support you in a healthy way, let them! Don’t be afraid of people expressing their love to you as assistance. Effort from you OR those in union with you will help increase good things that are already going (like how the land grows fruit regardless, but farmers can multiply it drastically). Seasons come and go so make the most of a fruitful one!

If your success/wellbeing is heavily tied to someone close, this could be a great time for both of you. The increases one of you experiences will be very positively mirrored or appreciated by the other, especially for happily married people. You may want to share more, help & be helped more by the other at this time.

Resourcefulness

[Ace of wands, 10 of wands sideways, Publicity (Jupiter in Leo, 5th house)]

Get your hands into the new opportunities life is throwing your way. Have a direct experience with life. This pile might use manifestation methods where you mostly sit back and allow it to come to you. Or there’s a similar approach of watching + waiting, not really getting into things too much as you wait for what’s meant for you to present itself. You might also always keep manifesting something, like even as your manifestations appear, you go after something else instead of interacting with it. You’re highly encouraged to get INTO whatever life has to offer right now, to actively co-create and experience the world. I heard “recognition;” that may be what’s in store if you exert effort. How can you make the most of the present, the fertile ground? Idk why there’s so many farming metaphors but they represent your situation, how the “land”/life is there for you to work and multiply the natural blessings. Even in a shared blessing, you can make it work especially for you—if you’re willing to get your hands dirty (metaphorically, not promoting corruption or shady behavior lol). This could be work but it feels more like creativity, passion, faith.

There’s also something about working too hard with the 10 of wands sideways. Maybe you’re used to working and grinding hard all the time. These opportunities prompt you to view “hard” work more creatively and openly. Especially if you've struggled materially—and maybe that’s why some of you have passive manifesting styles. Adapt—as all nature must to make the most of the situation—don’t bring old approaches forward that don’t serve the present. What helps you survive Winter may not be beneficial in Spring.

Faction

[3 of wands, Justice rx, Belong to Your Own Dream]

This seems like energy from someone around you rather than you. What I’m getting is a group or partnership of people that’s so heavily tied, something happening to one affects all. Someone around you has gone through a transformation that’s changing the dynamic of a group. I heard “undercurrents” and “hidden,” so I think this isn’t apparent yet. Not everybody knows about whatever this is, but it’s a shift that affects you. This could be you too since this is a group reading, but for most here I think not.

What I picked up is someone coming to terms with an identity or self-expression. I also picked up on power dynamic changes, so this could be someone getting materially blessed and it having a ripple effect. Below in the details, I picked up on a baptism which may be related. There’s literal baptisms, but it could also be someone feeling initiated into a new group, organization, or identity. Regardless, being heavily tied to others has responsibilities and consequences beyond our control. We sacrifice some freedom to share our compassion, ups and downs, the blessings too. Some people and blessings will ONLY be in our lives for a season, and some people are only a certain version of themselves for a season. Make the most of the present because the future is changing & moving, and staying in the past sacrifices what you currently have.

Advice—Abundant Harvest

[Power (Moon in Scorpio, 8th house), Impossible Things, Exaltation (Moon in Taurus, 2nd house)]

Idk what to tell you because the whole reading really, really emphasizes that there’s so much good stuff here to “reap the rewards” of 😭. I know we talked about this all along but it came out again. Idk if you guys are very hesitant to accept good things or make the most of them and maybe this is why it’s being emphasized so much lol. I channeled a food forest that feeds the whole community for free, that may describe this energy for you and your people. Or, may describe your role soon.

There’s a message about having gone through a profound inner transformation, having “repositioned” yourself in the world. For example, some of you always viewed yourself as a servant and now you’ve shed that? You may still do it, but you’re not only this one thing, and it’s in a way that empowers you. There’s something about relating to the world as yourself in a different, unique way, and this having a huge change on power dynamics. You may not outwardly appear this way, maybe others don't understand, but you’ve empowered yourself greatly somehow, & if not this is a change to embody so you can reap the most of the blessings. I keep wanting to say reap—there’s energy of good things already fruited, especially with this Moon exalted in Taurus. So much security + comfort is laid in your path right now, please tune into the version of yourself that can multiply BUT ALSO enjoy this!

Extra Details: nature as significant in your faith, promotion for someone in a duo/close group, forgiveness, homemaking (recently switched to/out of it because of changes in finances or beliefs), worship of a masculine + feminine deity (or recognizing feminine + masculine qualities in a gendered deity, or yourself), Cave In- Owl City, getting into nature + water, caves/coves, orange, beach towns, hopeful, end of a dark night of the soul, weddings/unions, Christianity, finding someone/ community with similar beliefs, baptisms, moving up in an organization, new clothing or style, shift in power/money in relationship, parable of the sower (the actual parable). Scrying, divining signs, charm casting. Coming out, changes to beliefs about gender expression & roles. Healing the relationship with a specific part of yourself. Going back to school or studying a new topic (astrology) (some of you want to go to a religious university?), legal situation ending (divorce, suing, etc). Dragging out your words. No longer thinking you need someone to survive or complete you, Single Ladies- Beyonce, moving on from toxicity into new partnership or friends. If you were already drawn to pile 1 or 4 they may resonate

ᨒ↟

Pile 4:

Underground

[6 of cups, The Creator (King of Action), the Hanged Man rx]

Hi pile four! The first thing I heard is “sharing is productive, sharing is compassion.” A lot of you have been doing your own thing, developing yourselves or a project behind the scenes. There’s something about your life or inner landscape others are not privy to. Expressing yourself—or sharing this part of yourself where appropriate—will be “productive,” I hear. You can also be an example of whatever it is. Maybe there’s some knowledge, beliefs, or world perspective that could be a positive influence to those around you? You could feel like you have a mission to bring these ideas or something else to your community, but you’re not sure how to start. Showing people who you are through your self-expression, ideals, words, mannerisms, and how you interact with others can be just as impactful as explaining something. Your style may also have an impact if you’ve changed it recently or if it’s different from those around you. It’s important to do all this from a place of compassion for the best impact (I heard “best outcome” & “best product;” some of you are part of a project or group goal where this is relevant?). You are no longer only preaching at people or trying to get end results when you move with compassion & understanding. It also allows you to remain grounded when disagreements occur. Compassion is the point.

Nurturing

[the Fool sideways, I Want to Be a Queen rx, Judgement]:

You may have transformed very quickly or changed some fundamental beliefs, and now I hear you feel you’re on a different “momentum” and “speed” than those who’ve been in your life, especially those who’ve been around for a long time. Maybe you feel you’re outgrowing them. You could have lost interest in a project or relationship you invested in, or could be moving away. There’s conflicted feelings about a new lifestyle at the cost of the things left behind. This could refer to a childhood/past dream you’re unsure about pursuing.

It’s not about picking the “right” thing, it’s about if you’re willing to nurture the energy and accept those consequences. Staying with the past, doing something new, being in the middle—each has its own set of consequences you must face. There’s an emphasis on that with the judgment card next to the Hanged Man rx—whatever you invest your energy + thoughts in, you’ll experience what follows that choice. Some of you feel like you’re hiding from life by not moving forward or postponing something, but that's also a choice.

Old and new are inherently neither good nor bad; what are you willing and able to do to nurture the life you choose? Can you do this with compassion and discernment? Your life is your choice. That decision is only one part of a much larger picture: the life you continuously create (and what you choose to associate with). When you act with wisdom and discernment, you learn more about yourself, what’s really calling for you and not an illusion. You can be honest with yourself, not only about what you want but what is right and good for you. Compassion allows you to create with love (including self love). It reinforces your ability to live honestly, in the moment—and not only do things for results.

Friends

[Two of wands rx, Going with the Flow (ace of emotions), You Are Rare and Free]

I know “friends” is not necessarily nature-based, but it’s what came out. "Going with the flow” talks about allowing yourself to be moved with life instead of fighting against it or staying stagnant. Again, many of you are holding onto something familiar or ignoring something to avoid change. This card talks about detaching from ego-based ideas and expectations. So many of your cards throughout the reading speak of looking back or nostalgia—6 of cups, 2 of wands rx, Hanged Man rx, even the Fool is not fully upright, but yet you have Judgment too. Judgment is a reminder that reckoning comes for everyone and everything; life continues even when we cling. Contemplate what you want and what action this entails. This pile is taking paths of most resistance; something you’re doing or thinking is making things complicated. It seems related to friends or family. Caring about them a lot is making the decision harder, or you might have some kind of investment/entanglement with them. Remember who YOU are and stick with that. You can enjoy and share with other people without it being at the expense of yourself. You aren’t necessarily a people-pleaser, but you may hold yourself to what old versions of you wanted or thought. It’s okay to change, it’s unavoidable. Fighting a change in yourself may feel easier than dealing with the effects, but is it really? You may avoid facing others, but you’ll always have to face yourself.

You might really try to hold onto control (especially for timing) as a substitute for trusting yourself. Decisions and change feel so monumental because you don’t know if you can make it through what comes afterwards. Build trust in yourself and applaud your skills that help you make it through day to day.

Advice—Practices

[Defense (Mars in Taurus, 2nd house), Follow the White Rabbit rx, the Chariot rx, 8 of swords rx]

Set up little actions and routines that will help you make steps towards what's on your mind. Your cards suggest the goal, move, or decision you’re interested in might not see forward movement right now. You might feel like you meet resistance, but this might just be because you need to build a routine, discipline, or set of steps before you can see progress. This period is needed for the discord to clear in your mind. This’ll be a time of mental transformations more than physical ones, but this is the foundation of the tangible changes later. This doesn’t have to all be boring. I keep hearing “reverence;” blending spirituality with your goals will be very helpful. Or, anything that adds fun & peace to productivity. Example, time in nature (being outside at all) can be uplifting as well as brainstorming time.

Extra Details: freelancer, work that doesn’t feel like a job (because you like it or it’s not traditional), thinking about life goals (large/collective ones like helping humanity), supervisor or manager (or similar group leader role), taking responsibility for power and influence you wield with others, fashion scene or niche artistic local community like DJing, culinary, food service, cooking shows, “the time will pass anyway,” choosing between a childhood dream/community and a new one, unsure about medicine or another lucrative field. Walks or solo activities where you can sort your thoughts are very beneficial. Guilt about an ill/injured loved one (wanting to do something where you won’t be able to see them?), divination routine, There's a lot of emphasis on food as a passion or because you need to eat lots of fruits and veggies, tea (dandelion tea?), Kate Bush. If you already felt drawn to pile 1 it may resonate. If you already felt drawn to pile 3, the resourcefulness and faction sections specifically may resonate.

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