#but it's google docs

[starsunfirelight]

A Literary Analysis of pov: dating homelander

A lesson in toxic relationships, for everyone to see-✨:sigh:

By: Me

July 14th, 2024

Most recently finished July 28th, 2024

Ah, where do I begin. This afternoon, I was looking through Spotify to find songs that reminded me of a theme. I liked TheKidLaroi’s recent release “GIRLS”, and I was wondering if there was an equivalent to this song from the opposite perspective. I remembered Charli xcx’s “Boys”, and I went to look that up. I found what I was looking for, but, while it did have a chorus related to “boys”, it thematically, felt kinda different. Oh well, there’s always another day, I guess. But in my search for more songs, I came across something, interesting. Something that would change my life forever. Introducing:

 pov: dating homelander by Beatrice bagelish

Now, when I first saw this, I got curious. I was familiar with the series, as it was something I’d seen before in my youtube recommended, but I had not watched the show. And, coincidentally, I had a conversation with someone who had seen the show not too long ago. So, curious, I took a listen. Sooner or later, I discovered, there was a story the author was trying to tell. Here is my understanding of the story:

Who is homelander?

Homelander is a character from Amazon Prime’s television show The Boys, a satirical take on superhero society, if they were to become real, as well as a reflection on real life current society, if you pay attention, close enough. In this show, Homelander is known as an over the top, cartoonishly American superhero, who is nationalistic, and is meant to be the villain, though we see the show through his viewpoint. He resembles real life political figures like former president Donald Trump, among others. I have not seen the show, but through watching clips and reading a synopsis of the show, this is what my assumptions are about the show and his character.

The title

The title of this playlist is “pov: dating homelander”. The title is stylized in lower case, indicating that the title follows a meme format, popularized by TikTok, where people would film themselves acting out certain scenarios, from a character’s point of view. Though, in my experience, most people show the character from a 2nd or 3rd person point of view, rather than a first person point of view. Regardless, the idea is there, and the character they are talking about is intended to be somewhere in the video, whether literally or figuratively. From this, we can guess that this playlist, if it followed typical spotify playlist etiquette, could go in a few directions. Is it meant to be a playlist of songs that a person potentially dating Homelander would listen to? It is meant to be a playlist of songs that Homelander would listen to if he were dating someone, though that would be a misinterpretation of the title? (something that you can’t rule out, as this happens on Tiktok). Is it meant to be a playlist consisting of the “general vibe” of the situation? Is it meant to be a playlist featuring songs that play out this scenario, from a third person point of view? Is it meant to be a playlist from all of the perspectives? Could it somehow be a combination of all of these things? I guess, we’ll just have to listen, and just wait and see.

Also, a note here after listening to the whole playlist, pov: dating homelander doesn’t specify that you’re the one dating Homelander, so we get to see the whole situation from multiple different points of view! :D Oh boy, you’re in for a ride!

What is the importance of the picture of the playlist?

The picture of the playlist accompanies the title pov: dating homelander. There is writing in the TikTok font, which confirms the relation to the meme from TikTok that was mentioned earlier. Also the fact that they are referencing TikTok specifically, when it could also be something that appears on YT shorts or Instagram Reels. They also include a picture of Homelander, and the caption reads: “I can fix him”. They included a picture of Homelander to show, pictorially, the character that they are referring to, in case they had a different “vision” in their head, but also, the pose seems to be a generic pose from the show. Perhaps season 1? He looks proud, and stands tall, almost as if he is looking at the person that the playlist mentions that he is dating. So it appears, at first glance, that everything seems to be going well. Perhaps the author chose a generic frame, to make sure that it fit the playlist as a whole, kind of like a book cover, in a sense. Either way, for whatever reason, this picture sets the tone for what to expect, going into the playlist.

There is a caption on the photo that reads “I can fix him”. This implies that the person dating Homelander is doing so, not because they desire a stable and happy relationship, but because they believe that by being in the relationship, they can change Homelander’s known problematic behaviors to be ones that are… less so. They know that he is problematic, yet they romanticize a “fixed” version of him in their head, much like is common in real life relationships. This is toxic, however, and ultimately, most people find out that they will never be able to fix the person that they are trying to fix, and they must face a decision of whether or not to walk away from the relationship themselves. People cannot change, unless they are willing to change themselves. And, knowing Homelander, it is foolish to think that he could change. This is a fictional setting, so the kind of person that would date Homelander would certainly not be a person who believes in a healthy, stable, co-nurturing relationship, so in order for this playlist to be more realistic to the character, it makes sense that the person dating Homelander would not know that the relationship is toxic, or else they would have left a long time ago. From what I’ve seen of the playlist so far, and keeping this theme in mind, I think at first we will encounter their initial naïvete in the initial stages of their relationship, only for the person dating Homelander to eventually realize that they really can’t “fix him”, and make the heartbreaking decision to move on, which is what is ultimately better for them.

Now, onto the actual playlist!!

Arc 1: The honeymoon phase

Note, I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics, and didn’t really start to do that until I got to the Lana songs. Also, some of the lyrics were not available through Spotify. But it’s ok to summarize the playlist arcs, or this would be really long lol.

(We know that in this pov, the person dating Homelander is a woman, as I presume Homelander is aggressively nationalist American, for the memes, but also because of songs you’ll see later on) Here, the girl, and Homelander are just having a great time. They have just started dating, and they listen to classically American songs, as is reminiscent of Homelander’s character. Though, there is a message within the patriotic songs that this isn’t right, with the song “Tainted Love”. Crucified has a message of “I know this isn’t right, but leave me alone.” We’ll see Christian imagery come up time and time again. This goes on for a while. All the way up until Layla, I imagine. Here, we see a shift, as this song still has that classic American feel, but it has no lyrics. Perhaps, this is where the girl starts to have a shift in mood.

Arc 2: Trouble in Paradise

The musics stops being highkey energetic, and is more lowkey.

Here, with GOLDWING, we get a song telling someone to remain pure and untraumatized, as the interpretation on Genius reads. This could be a message to Homelander, as the girl naïvely thinks that the critics are all wrong, and Homelander should stay just the way he is. It could also, and I think this is the more likely interpretation, be a message to the girl dating Homelander to please stop seeing him, as things could go bad real soon, if she doesn’t get out.

Later the girl probably realizes that she doesn’t really like Homelander and dates a girl instead, like in Good Luck, Babe! → LUNCH

I looked ahead to the songs I recognized

Alright, here’s the full summary:

Alright, so it’s been a few days, and I think I’m ready to tell you what happened. Sit down, because it’s a long one. 

Ok.

First, Homelander and the girl were all happy. Yeah, sure, the girl knew it was toxic, but who cares! Meanwhile, we have the other girl, who stares at their relationship longingly, knowing it’s not right, and hopes that she would be better off dating her instead. We get a message, saying girl, don’t let yourself be harmed and go through all this trauma. Well, if she did hear it, she definitely ignored it. Important to note, they have kids, whether it was from a previous arrangement, or together. Also, the girl is rich, has tan skin, was from the streets, but she sure knows how to make a man go crazy over her. Well, after a while, the initial excitement of the relationship wears off, and things start to not seem as perfect as it was at the start. Homelander is kinda detached, starts partying around and seeing other girls, and he just mainly sees the girl as a toy. The girl, kinda feeling dejected, goes to see the other girl, and they have an affair. She spoils her with her wealth, and they just have a good time. Homelander eventually catches wind of this, and he’s furious. The two of them have a big argument, and then they break up. We see a song that doesn’t make sense right now, but really, it’s foreshadowing what’s going to happen in the future. A whole “half your age” thing comes up. I might be missing something here. But anyways. Moving along. Homelander is miffed, and he’s upset that she would do this to him. But, as time goes on, he starts falling for her, and realizing what he missed. He gets crazy, and starts stalking her, begging her to get back together with him. Eventually, he’s had enough. He’s out for blood. Out for revenge. If he can’t have her, no one can. He threatens to bomb a school, unless she marries him, and the girl, fearing for her life, agrees.

…

Years pass, and the two of them are married. They have the kids, and the household is dysfunctional, yet seems to be running alright from the point of view of the public eye. The other girl, remembers her, and knows that they are in a unhappy relationship. (For the girl, anyway.) She seeks out the girl, finds her, and they have a fling. But, the girl won’t commit to the relationship, and pushes her away. This troubles the other girl. Homelander finds out, and he assaults her. He then tries to manipulate her into staying in the relationship by asking “remember all the good times we had?” but she starts to realize just how bad of a person Homelander really is. The other girl gives her the confidence/encourages her to fight back, and then Homelander goes away. He swears to get revenge, but just as that thought is forming in his brain, Homelander dies. The causes are unknown, though I assumed it was a lightning strike of divine intervention. Or just a coincidence. He is punished hard in the afterlife, while going “tell me, this must have been a mistake!!!” 

Now the two girls are happy together. But. oh boy, this is where the real/even worse trouble begins.

At first, they are happy together. But, due to the girl’s internalized homophobia, (we don’t explicitly see the fact that this is a girl, but there were some references throughout so it’s a reasonable conclusion to make), she leaves the other girl.  She later explains how her father/her neglectful not really loving parents were the ones who made her feel this way. Still doesn’t excuse her from being evil though :shruggie:. The girl deals with this breakup poorly, turning to drugs and fame, and gambling! and other people. Through some series of events, they end up meeting again. The other girl is still committed, almost too much, to loving the girl. They “So… can we start over? Can we just be friends?” “Sure :)” They try it out for a while. They have a party time and then the girl explains all her trauma and backstory to the other girl. Again, this doesn’t excuse her from being an evil person :/. The other girl can’t take it anymore, she loves the girl too much. She confesses that she doesn’t just wanna be friends. She is like “please, just let me love you! I love you, why don���t you love me? Why do you insist on leaving me? 🥺” and frankly, starts to consider leaving her, at this rate. The girl is like “Noo, I’m broken, I like to break things, and I’m a horrible person!” (the other girl like you should just believe her at this point.) They still haven’t committed to seeing each other yet 😑. They have a mini breakup, and the girl like immediately starts seeing someone else. She talks to the other girl about them on the phone, and the other girl smiles at the girl’s pain.

Now, this part is a bit unclear to me, but I think, essentially,

 Eventually, the other girl decides that she has had enough. She’s gonna become Mr. Bad Guy. 

At some point here, the girl moves out of the other girl’s place she was staying at, and the other girl is like getting disinterested in the girl, like apathy and bitter resentment.

One fine day, she goes out and kills this person, leaving them to die in the girl’s arms. Now, they were both there, so either one of them could get in trouble for this. (The other girl: I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my issues.) (Though, it’s better than that and more well characterized in the playlist.) 

Or, the girl decided to murder them herself! Like Homelander threatened to do to her, years ago.

She couldn’t handle her own internalized homophobia, and just decided to kill them, to stop the pain.

 So, now, there are no obstacles left for the two of them being together. So, the other girl is like, “Why aren’t we together yet?” The girl starts liking her back. Almost… obsessively. The other girl, however, sees her own worth, and although they had like a movie date, starts finding real love and true fulfillment with the new girl she met earlier. She already mentally gave up on the girl a while ago. The other girl and the new girl meet up, and they kinda have a lovely affair. Then, it kinda feels like the situation when the girl was married to Homelander, in the sense that they’re in a relationship together, but the other girl isn’t happy. Also, there is the murder charge still on the loose, and they have to deal with that somehow. Just… not now. The girl has secrets, and she’s involved in some real shady business, as far as I can tell. Telling secrets in her sleep? Knowing who’s calling even though the number is blocked? Eventually, the girl decides to leave, (no, don’t go! -the other girl), on the run for her murder charges I think, and the other girl is “I’ll know wherever you go. You might be able to hide from other people, but you can’t hide from me.” They go long distance. But, the other girl finally has had it with the girl, they break up for like the third time and this time they have an argument and the other girl forces the girl to face her internalized homophobia, and basically decides to leave the girl for good. “Fine. You can date all the boys you want, just know that that will never be able to get rid of your true feelings. Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”  

The other girl finds the new girl she met earlier (or maybe for the first time!), and they have a great time. Especially since it’s being reciprocated in such a sweet way ☺️. The new girl is a bit apprehensive, but the other girl is like “come on! don’t be shy! 🙂” and they’re falling in love. The other girl mentions, why aren’t we living together? (I think it’s from how they’re still in a long distance relationship, but it looks like it could be for the new girl here instead.) idk!

Gonna have to go back for that one!

 But here, we get another prophecy/foreshadowing song. This is supposed to tease the idea that even though Homelander may be dead, his ideas are not. And if you haven’t noticed already, the girl is well on her way to becoming Homelander 2.0. (:O this was a huge shocker to me when I was first listening to this playlist, and I think this is around the time that it all finally started to click for me.)  Then, the girl finds out that the other girl was cheating on her, (cuz like they still hadn’t made their on again off again relationship official???) and that’s when this time, the other girl fights back! They are now over for good! 😀 The girl realizes just how much she loves the other girl (Oh would you look at that, just like Homelander! 😀) and the other girl is nicer than the girl, so like the girl doesn’t die. But she starts getting all stalker and obsessive, just like Homelander did. The other girl ends up in jail, now that the girl wouldn’t cover for her murder charges, and maybe pins it on the other girl (“See? I have connections, thanks to being the wife of Homelander. Now, if you’d just love me back, I’d pay your $250,000 bail! I’m rich, remember?” “Yea No. 😐” “Ok… whatever you say.” and she leaves.)  Well, anyways. It’s over now! Party time with the new girl who actually loves her back!!!!! 😀  The girl tries coming back, but the other girl isn’t having it. The trauma affected her a little bit, but the new girl reassures her, so it’s all ok. This is nothing like before. That’s all in the past. Now, they have each other. 🙂 You try to mess with me? The AUDACITY! Coming back after all of this? No, I don’t think so. Get away. So, the girl looks on, sad, seeing them happy in public, “Was I not enough? 😔 (NO, and you should have done better, girl)” and the two girls the other girl and the new girl live happily every after. The other girl knows her love is real love this time. ☺️ The End.

(we know it’s a new girl because of songs like good luck, babe! and more importantly, LUNCH! :D) Waterloo is the perfect end to this all, because it wraps up the lesson that we learned, that history will repeat again, time and time again, and they end up getting married. YAY!!!!! 🥳 🎉 🎊 💒 👰‍♀️👰‍♀️💍 💕 💘 :happily ever after, The end! 💗🩷 🎈🙂 🔚

She knows her love is real this time

Character cards:

Homelander: Loud, aggressive, toxic, charming, the villain

Songs/Artists: Charlie, Fall Out Boy

Headcannon brown hair -> black, brown skin

The girl: rich neglectful parents who don’t really love her, but she knows how to get what she wants, is from the streets, looks like Esmerelda, rocks a dress in pink, pearls, loves to spoil her girlfriend, has status and power after marrying Homelander, has kids, also is hot to people, really knows how to get men to love her, for some reason (or maybe that’s just Homelander idk)

Lana, Crazy Girls idk wow we don’t really see her perspective as much, huh Guys My Age

Marina, unfortunately. I mean, if the shoe fits? 🤷‍♀️

Madonna is like them (the girl and the other girl) together :0 

Headcannon brown hair dyed blonde -> black, pale skin but idk

The other girl: Not rich, poor, sweet, soft, butch, (or is the girl a butch? Update: more lore makes the latter more likely???), loves the girl, is strong, and wants her to leave her relationship with Homelander, is very hot to everyone, seasoned traveler, a world renowned heartbreaker, guess it was never that serious until she met her 🥹, is younger than both of them(?) a hopeless romantic 💕

Lesley Gore, Harry Styles, Brittany Spears, Lady Gaga

Lily Allen describes her to a tee>>>ya! Oh D:

The New Girl: Trusting, loyal, kind, sweet, a work of art, actually knows what a healthy relationship looks like…

Songs: Sarah Smiles? Nah, You Should Be Dancing, Got To Be Real, the good girl in Karma, etc. Waterloo :) (they’re endgame! Lol)

Charlie’s Inferno into Here Comes The Sun is DIABOLICAL

You can feel the sun in that song….. ☀️ ☁️ ⛰️ 🌊

and now the universe is giving me what I deserve - karma

Side note, there are tons of brilliant callbacks in this playlist. Like, I didn’t think that the fact that the girl was rich would be mentioned after the first time, but it remains a recurring theme throughout. It even serves as a way to symbolize whose perspective we are seeing, most of the time (until perhaps the very end of the playlist, when perhaps the other girl has acquired wealth of her own.) We see songs that foreshadow future events, like GOLDWING, Rumor Has It, and Happy Nation.

-other continuing themes

-Homelander was a cannibal in the figurative sense, and then so became the girl

-Homelander used campy and upbeat songs to symbolize his craziness, and as the girl gets more deranged, the songs become more upbeat and campy.

-Each character has a distinctive style of song they get attached to, and there are some recurring artists that usually symbolize one character.

-Homelander mentions wanting to die, then threatening to blow up the school

-the girl having brown skin (Esmerelda, Harry Styles)

-the use of happy, sunny songs after escaping from a bad relationship is just wow

-using the same song twice really sells the idea that the girl really has become Homelander 2.0

-the whole history repeats itself theme was brilliant, and I really did not see that coming. 

-loving you is cherry pie comes up again, lol

The Ballad of Mona Lisa

There’s nothing wrong with a little taste of what you paid for

WHAT DOES THAT LINE MEAN?????

within the context of this plotline, I mean

Please tell me!

-payed for the alcohol with money

-payed for the relationship??? No??? What?? Why 😭

The other girl has been giving so much and getting little to nothing in return 🥺

The rumor has it foreshadowing happens after the fight with homelander, hmm what a strange place to put it

But I guess it makes sense.

You leave me, I leave you!

Like the story gets all hectic and busy after this, and like this is a good place to put it like as a filler episode,, and like a break from all the action from the before and after this takes place

Songs mesh together really well, and it’s giving theater kid! But like, I feel like the amount of talent and skill it takes to make a playlist like this kinda require it

Most of the songs are super popular songs, and also popularized from tiktok

Makes sense given the title and picture on the playlist cover

Back to the main story!!!! (after the commercial break after Rumor Has It lol)

Batphone

I sell the fact that I can’t be bought

Line hits hard after you know the context by this part of the playlist

The other girl used to get spoiled by the girl, but she isn’t taking it anymore. She’s done.

It’s crazy the lore Billie puts in. I mean, the bail? It’s huge! An exact number???? WOw.

Good luck babe!

I told you a lie, that you were the love of my life

Was it casual, now?

Cuz girls is players, too.

>I said it all before and I’ll say it again

>I’m interested in more than just being your friend

She’s said it to the girl before, and got rejected, and now we have her! 

It’s like you can feel the whole world collapsing in on that statement

The girl picked up smoking, just like Homelander

-smokin out the window’

-exes house

-lay all your love on me

The girl also wasn’t treating it seriously, until she fell in love in Lay All Your Love On Me

Like the last half of the playlist really kills it

Or maybe it’s because I can really understand that part, and the message is clear post foreshadowing with happy nation

L’amour de ma vie and I will survive are like oddly perfect for what went down over here.

This story serves as a cautionary tale, that we should all be well aware of. It’s the foundational basis for the feeling in the song Casual by Chappell Roan. Oh yeah, now you know why she was bitter (if you didn’t already know, and in that case, I’m so sorry for you 😭) This story tells us many things. Just because you're the protagonist of a story, doesn’t mean you can’t do wrong. Just because a person is a woman, doesn’t mean they can’t be a manipulative conniving abusive partner, like you might have expected from other people. (Really, this could be everyone. Anyone is capable of this, and that’s important to know.)

This story lets you reexamine biases that you may not even know that you had.

I mean, there are always villains in media. But when’s the last time you’ve seen a villain be a woman? And a lesbian, at that? 🤔

Blew my mind. (kinda sad I hadn’t seen it before, I should have expected it, tbh)

This playlist taught me a lesson, and they taught it well.

Good and bad can come in many forms, it’s all just a matter of perspective

History repeats itself. The cycle of abuse repeats itself. That was the main theme of this story, I think.

Just because someone is a person who suffered from abuse, doesn’t exempt them from becoming an abuser later on. In fact, it’s super likely.

The abused become the abusers

It takes a special kind of person to love someone really messed up

And like sometime that ain’t a good thing

Don’t give it all away to someone who can’t even love you back >:(

save your tears for another day

I understand a fraction of Chappell Roan’s pain 😔😔👍

“I can fix him” NO YOU CAN’T. LEAVE< NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The author could be reflecting on their own real life experience, which makes me really sad 😥

I’m going to leave you with this song, as a conclusion, while you see the list of patreons on screen. Thank you. And have a good day! 😀

California - Chappell Roan

Casual - Chappell Roan (this one hurts so maybe not 😖)

This album literally changed my life. I am now, forever changed, I carry the burden of the lives I lived, used to know, and maybe somedays will be. Beatrice bagelish, this one’s for you.

I can’t be who I was anymore. I literally became an adult because of you. Chappell Roan may have taught me the ways, but you made me grow up. I will remember this, forever. Even though I may forget, the feeling will be carried with me, til the end of time. I can’t ignore who I am anymore. ( just really love this music in the playlist, and can’t deny that I love it anymore.)

[charbroiledchicken]

"you're the writer, you control how the story goes" no not really. i wrote the first sentence and then my characters said "WE WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE" and promptly swerved into an electrical fence.

[aritany]

taken a punch to ye olde groyne

[renthony]

I am begging people to use LibreOffice and personal storage devices like hard drives or USB sticks instead of relying 100% on Google Docs. LibreOffice is free and open-source, it saves files to your own computer, and it lets you save as many different file types. You can write in it, format ebooks in it, and do everything you might possibly need to do as a writer.

"Oh, but I'll lose my USB stick--" Fine, back things up in whatever cloud you use as a form of extra protection, but you should also try your absolute damnedest to also put them on some form of storage that isn't a cloud.

I know it's not accessible to everyone, but if you at all have the ability, don't rely on shit that lives on other people's computers. Especially with everything going on with AI theft and aggressive censorship of adult media. If you don't store your files on your own personal computer that you have control over, your files aren't fully yours, and they're at the whims of whoever owns the cloud.

Learn where your files are stored and how to access them. Get into the habit of backing up your files to your own personal storage. Even if you're not up for intense tech research and you don't care about how the computer actually works, please stop letting your art live in corporate clouds.

[mikkeneko]

PSA for Google Docs writers

[Edit] Also for Firefox, as per @essayofthoughts in the notes: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/delete-g-docs-type-to-insert/

If you (like me) use Google Doc to write fanfic, you may (like me) have been annoyed by the new "feature" they added in the past few weeks, "Smart Chips," where by default every time you open a new line it auto-inserts a "@" symbol and then prompts to add additional people into the doc for review or whatever other useless thing I immediately closed out of.

There doesn't appear to be a way to turn off this "feature" in GDocs however someone has put out an extension that nixes it:

[lgbtlunaverse]

There's a version of the "don't go grocery shopping while hungry" rule specifically for writers where you should never under any circumstances be allowed to touch your draft within 3 hours of reading a really good story. Because sometimes when you read something great your head goes "fuck this is so much better than my stuff I should make that more like THIS instead!" Look at me. That's the devil talking and you should close the document NOW.

[sequencefairy]

Source @ X

ID: tweets from @boulevarddouble:

okay SO. Just FYI i have an insider contact and i asked him about this new google drive nsfw scare.

backing up is never a bad idea.

99% of people will be unaffected, and this is NOT a crackdown on having nsfw content on gdrive

"What I think has happened is that drive has made several updates to its spam/abuse filtering and one of the focuses is trying to catch spammers who share explicit things in docs with random emails. Which is good in theory, but has the potential to hit false positives."

his recommendation is to keep NSFW words out of your doc titles and instead of sharing the "open link", share directly with you beta's email addresses.

It is also more likely to flag up explicit images, though that is less likely to be a fic problem.

/end ID

[eldritch-elrics]

obsessed with the new google docs feature that ai generates a doc summary for you. what the fuck is this

(context is i am writing a paper on gamer culture)

[zeldamacgregor]

I made this to call myself out but please feel free to hold up a mirror if you need one also.

[mari-lair]

little trivia about the '4 flowers combo'

[yeyinde]

posted on twitter originally. but. streetfighterGhost.

he probs does it to escape his home life. but got noticed by a coach at local gym when he was just eighteen. would've went pro easily, but Tommy's debts with a loan shark piled up, leaving him no choice but to fight in an illegal ring. unfortunately, there's no escape when the boss thinks you're worth serious money. and the Ghost brings in a lot.

his only break comes from enlisting. a terrible decision because Tommy's debt soon come with a life sentence when he takes his anger out on the wrong man. to keep his brother out of jail, Simon agrees to fight again, getting roped into it full time. for keeps, this time.

another life of broken bones, bloody knuckles. staged fights. slowly chipping away at a debt that doesn't belong to him. mundane, really. but Simon would be a liar if he said he didn't get a sick thrill from fighting this dirty. no holds barred. anything goes. and he gives it his all.

goes and goes until he's sweaty, dazed. nose broken beyond repair. and leans over the rail to spit out blood, teeth. and happens to catch sight of the prettiest bird he's ever seen in the stands. his bird.

(well. you will be his once he's done with this fight, anyway.)

[anto-pops]

Cheirophilia - Sebastian Sallow x Female!Reader

Summary: Following the summer leading up to your seventh year, you return to Hogwarts to discover that Sebastian has undergone changes that greatly appeal to the eye. Your eye, to be specific. There’s no easy way to tell the man you’ve been dating for two years that your attention has been fixed on a part of him otherwise deemed normal, but after a while, you’re forced to face the truth of the matter. 

Alternatively summarized as you have a hand kink and Sebastian Sallow has extremely nice hands.

Word Count: 10.7k

Warnings: 18+, aged up characters, explicit sexual content, hand kink, size difference

Full fic can be found here on Ao3 (with more diverse tags)

You had to be losing your mind. That was the only plausible explanation for the wild, unrestrained thoughts that had been plaguing your brain for the last week every time you so much as glanced at Sebastian. Yes, he was attractive. He was charming and confident, and quite frankly he was the epitome of male perfection as far as you were concerned. Not a day went by where you didn’t consider yourself lucky to be able to call him yours, and you knew he was just as enamored with you.

But your newfound infatuation with his hands had started relatively recently, and you had no clue what to make of it. 

Sebastian was touchy to begin with, and he always had been. From casually brushing shoulders with you in the Great Hall during mealtimes, to tucking your hair behind your ears at night– the man was constantly finding ways to be closer to you, and your appreciation for his efforts knew no bounds. It made you feel treasured, wanted, revered, and a slew of other things that made your heart swell with affection. Maybe you could attribute your blatant ogling of his appendages to that, or maybe you had just finally started to notice after your Divination class last week. 

Professor Onai, for all her outlandish preachings on clairvoyance, had taken a more mundane approach in teaching her students ‘fortune telling’ a few days ago. “Palm reading,” she had said, “is a delicate and fixed art. It can be as vague as it can be accurate, and it takes an expertly trained eye to decipher the true meaning behind the grooves in one’s hand.” 

You were far from an expert in anything relating to Divination, but you did have an eye for nice things, and Merlin– were Sebastian’s hands exquisite. They were nearly twice the size of yours and covered in calluses, a lingering sign of the grueling physical labor he’d done over the summer in Feldcroft. His fingers weren’t as dainty as Ominis’, but they were long, thick, and lined with pulsing veins that stretched across the backs of his hands and coiled around his toned forearms. As you’d traced the lines on his palm with your fingers, he’d shivered at the featherlight feeling and chuckled at the deferential way you seemed to commit every part of the appendage to memory. 

You didn’t even want to begin to recount the way your heart had hammered in your chest when it had been his turn to read your palm. Maintaining your composure had taken every ounce of willpower in your body.

Since then, your mind had wandered an unhealthy amount.

By some miracle, Sebastian hadn’t noticed your unwavering eye contact with his hands yet. The two of you had been kept preoccupied with the mountains of classwork that came with the start of the new school year, and as a result, your only opportunities to spend time with him had been during mealtimes. Today was different, however, because Lucan had finally set up the first Crossed Wands match of the season. You and Sebastian were both participating, and your boyfriend was all too eager to jump back into dueling after the summer months spent away. 

Your eyes scanned him dutifully from across the room, watching with rapt interest as he chatted with Brattleby about the upcoming fight. Sebastian had grown considerably since your fifth-year, virtually towering over Lucan as he looked down at the curly haired Gryffindor. The latter had gone through a growth spurt of his own, but it was easy to overlook him when he was standing next to your boyfriend. Sebastian was big; broad shouldered with long, powerful legs and thick wrists that complimented his massive, mouthwatering hands. 

Said hands were fidgeting with the cuffs of his shirt as he rolled them up, nodding down at Lucan as he replied to something the younger boy had said. You didn’t know what they were discussing, and quite frankly, you didn’t care. His deft fingers adjusted his uniform as he prepared for your duo’s duel, and instead of following suit, you were unabashedly studying his every move. That is, until a voice from your left drew your attention. 

“Did something happen over summer?” 

You startled easily, warranting an eye roll from Imelda as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the wall. It was a rarity to find her in the Crossed Wands courtyard, but you knew she had been hounding members of the Quidditch team to prepare for trial runs and scrimmages, and Sebastian factored into that assortment of people. Schooling your nerves the best you could, you started to shed your robe in an effort to simultaneously get ready for the duel and distract from the metaphorical eye candy across the room. 

“What do you mean,” you asked vaguely, keeping your eyes pointed at the floor as you moved. 

Imelda was having none of it– clearly smarter than you deigned to give her credit for. “Don’t play coy with me. You’re always checking Sallow out, but since we’ve been back it’s ten times worse. Did he sprout a second cock or something?” 

You damn near choked on your own tongue as you whipped around to glare at her. “Do you have to be so crass all the time?” 

She waved you off, “Yes, I do. Who else would rile you up this way if not myself? Now answer the question.” 

Heaving a deep sigh, you draped your robe over a stack of crates and began to gather your hair back into a loose braid as you muttered, “No, nothing happened over summer.”

“But something is going on. Come on,” she implored with a taunting tone, her brown eyes glimmering with amusement. “At least tell me if it’s something bad.” 

“It’s not bad,” you relented. “It’s– I’m not sure what it is, to be honest. We haven’t even done anything since we’ve been back, we’ve been too busy. But…”

You trailed off, staring at the wall behind Imelda as you brought your hair over your shoulder to finish off the plait. She waited patiently, however, all too eager to get the inside scoop on your love life. “But?”

“I don’t know– have you ever found yourself focused on other body parts? Like, really random parts of another person?” 

The Quidditch captain’s face shifted into a confused expression as she chanced a look at Sebastian, evidently trying to figure out what on Godric’s green Earth you were referring to. “Uh, no? If you’re talking about his feet though then I’m going to ask that you forget I even brought this up–”

“No!” You blurted loudly, drawing the attention of a handful of students in the courtyard, Sebastian included. He cocked a brow at you from across the room, and you flashed him a bashful smile in silent reply before mouthing a timid ‘sorry’. Imelda snickered under her breath when you turned back to her, a deep scowl settling on your face. “Dammit, not his fucking feet. I’m talking about his hands. He has really nice hands– I never noticed before.” 

“You’re telling me you’ve had your knickers in a twist for the last week and a half because of Sallow’s hands?” 

To say Imelda looked dumbstruck would be an understatement, and you suddenly felt incredibly stupid for having said anything at all. You kept your eyes downcast as you tossed your braided hair over your shoulder and slid your wand free from its holster, doing your best to ignore the woman’s burning stare. “Nevermind– forget I mentioned it.” 

“I doubt I could even if I wanted to, but for the sake of your dignity I’ll go grab a seat and let you get your head in the game.” You felt your cheeks heat up instantly in response to her snide comment, and you lifted your eyes in time to watch Imelda turn towards the far corner of the room with a smile on her face. She paused before taking off, murmuring over her shoulder, “Make sure you’re paying attention to your opponents and not Sallow’s hands.”

Sweet Merlin… you should have kept your big mouth shut.

***

As it turned out, your head was so far out of the game that it became collateral in the midst of your duo’s duel. 

It was your own fault, really. Despite doing your best to focus on the task at hand, your eyes had continually wandered over to Sebastian, tracking his movements as he fired spell after spell in retaliation against your opponents. He had always been exceptionally graceful while fighting– be it in Crossed Wands or in the Highlands at your side– and his sudden growth spurt over summer had only added to his preexisting agility. It was all too easy for you to get absorbed in his fluid movements as he ducked and rolled, then blocked and countered every attack with astonishing finesse. 

Unfortunately, that meant you were left wholly unprepared for the Depulso charm that sent you careening across the room into a stack of crates. Your head had been positively spinning as you pushed yourself up onto your elbows, but your vision cleared in time to watch as Sebastian abandoned the duel entirely to hurry over to where you lay prone against the broken wood. Lucan had shouted something about the match being called off, but you could hardly pay any attention to his words with Sebastian fretting over you, mere inches from your face. 

“Merlin’s bloody balls, what the hell happened?” The brunet hadn’t even given you ample time to reply before he had hoisted you up in his strong, capable arms to carry you to the Hospital Wing. 

That was how you’d ended up where you were now; laid out in an uncomfortable hospital bed with Nurse Blainey hovering too close for comfort while your boyfriend sat beside you with his arms crossed stiffly over his chest. His expression was virtually unreadable, but you weren’t able to focus on him for long without your head pounding in silent protest. 

“Drink this,” Nurse Blainey dutifully instructed, thrusting a vial of Wiggenweld in front of you as she scanned your bandaged temple. “It will help with the swelling and the gods-awful headache I’m sure you’re sporting. My diagnostic spells came back negative for any internal injuries, but that doesn’t mean you can rush back to your foolhardy dueling club. A concussion is a concussion, no matter how small.” 

Your tongue felt like lead in your mouth so you nodded in response instead of speaking– only to instantly regret the movement. Sharp, concentrated pain shot through your head, and you took it as a sign to carefully knock back the contents of the potion she’d given you. A soothing warmth overtook you in a split second, and the throbbing in your skull lessened considerably, prompting you to relax against the pillows situated behind you as your eyelids fluttered. Evidently pleased with your subdued demeanor, Nurse Blainey jotted something down on the clipboard that had been tucked under her arm before turning to Sebastian. 

“I trust that you’ll ensure she actually takes it easy for the next few days, Mr. Sallow?” 

Your eyes cracked open in time to watch Sebastian’s gaze flicker to yours, and the muscle in his jaw ticked as his attention zero’d in on the thick bandage that now adorned your head. “Of course. She’ll be a model patient for as long as needed.” 

Satisfied with his agreement, Nurse Blainey pivoted on her heel and strode to the back end of the room, leaving you and Sebastian alone in a tense silence. 

Heaving a heavy sigh, you gathered your hands in your lap and let your head tip back against the bed frame, wanting nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. All of this because you couldn’t stop ogling your boyfriend for a measly twenty minutes when it mattered most… it was an embarrassing and stupid mistake to acknowledge. Moreover, you’d basically ruined the first Crossed Wands duel of the season– something you knew had to be bothering Sebastian, given his competitive nature. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled half-heartedly. “I should have been paying closer attention.”

Sebastian scoffed to your left, and when you peered at him through the corner of your eye, his head looked like it was on the verge of imploding. “Are you seriously apologizing for getting a concussion right now?” 

There was no stopping the frown that spread across your face, and you nervously started picking at your cuticles as your mouth opened, shut, then opened again. “Yes– I mean– no. I’m sorry that the match got canceled because of me. You were probably excited to get back into Crossed Wands and I just… messed it up. I wasn’t thinking clearly out there.” 

“Obviously,” Sebastian countered easily, the amused glimmer in his eyes vanishing before you could take proper note of it. “You’re never one to let your mind wander when you fight, but you have to know I’m not mad about the duel. I was worried about you– I don’t think you realize how terrifying it is to see you of all people bleeding.” 

You gaze fell to your lap as you pursed your lips and lifted your hand to the bandage taped to your temple, trying and failing to recall if you’d actually bled at all. It was all something of a blur if you were being honest. When you looked up at Sebastian once more, he had sat forward in his seat and was reaching towards you, wearing an expression that was equal parts concerned and curious. With your brain still muddled, all you could really do was stare wide-eyed at the nearing culprit of your misfortune; his Merlin-be-damned hands. Those long, flexing digits came to gently stroke the side of your cheek, turning your head to the side briefly to allow him a good look at your patched up face, and as Sebastian tsk’d disapprovingly, you were fighting back a slew of unholy thoughts that had no business arising in the midst of such a tender moment. 

The side of his mouth quirked up as he thought back to your debacle in the clock tower courtyard. “Did your inability to ‘think clearly’ have anything to do with whatever you and Imelda were talking about earlier?” 

Being reminded of your discussion with the Slytherin woman at such an inopportune time caused your face to flush a deep red, and you nervously clasped your boyfriend’s larger hand in your notably smaller one and drew it into your lap. You gently thumbed over the veins on the back of his hand, taking note of the constellation of freckles that ran up his wrist and forearm, and you saw Sebastian tilt his head to the side as he let you fondle the limb. 

“Maybe…” you drawled lazily. Perhaps you would chalk it up to your concussion later on, or perhaps you just wanted to get your insane obsession off your chest. Regardless of the why, you steeled your nerves and swallowed thickly before muttering, “You have really nice hands.” 

Silence. Sebastian said nothing– and that was considerably worse than him saying something– anything. Your brows slammed down just as you lifted your head to gauge his reaction, only to discover a bewildered smile plastered on his smarmy face. 

“…I think you hit your head harder than I thought. Should I call Nurse Blainey back over here?”

Ah. He thought you were delusional. Brilliant. 

Letting go of him as though his skin were heated metal, you sighed and sat forward to swing your legs over the edge of the bed, shivering slightly when Sebastian placed his hand on your hip to steady you. His face conveyed genuine apprehension as he asked, “Are you sure you should be trying to move right now?” 

Part of you was thankful he hadn’t taken your confession seriously, but another stronger part of you was annoyed that you had said anything to begin with. Here was Sebastian, acting chivalrous and doting on you in the wake of you flying face first into a crate, and all you cared to think about was having his hands on you. On your bare skin, between your legs, around your neck…

Something was definitely wrong with you. 

“I’m alright– stop worrying. I promise I won’t overdo it. At this point I just want to eat and go to sleep.” Thankfully he made no move to stop you when you stood yourself up on shaky legs, instead placing that damnable hand on the small of your back to help you keep your balance. You closed your eyes momentarily to will away the vile, uncouth thoughts that seemed to run rampant in your concussed skull, but if the way his fingers tensed against you was any indication, Sebastian clearly thought your brief pause was due to your injury.

“Fine,” he bit out, sounding all too displeased with your stubbornness. “Food, then straight to your dorm. But if I think for even a second you can’t manage, I’m carrying you to bed myself.” 

It hurt to do it, but your eye roll was heavily warranted. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, dad.” 

As the two of you walked from the Hospital Wing to the Great Hall, you realized just how serious Sebastian was about his promise to Nurse Blainey. His hands were constantly hovering at your side, ready to catch you at a moment's notice in the event you required the help, which you fortunately weren’t in need of. You didn’t think you could take any more coddling– or any more… hands-on-torment, so to speak. 

Ominis joined the two of you for lunch shortly after you’d arrived, and you were unsurprised to discover that he was very much aware of your blunder in Crossed Wands earlier. He made sure you were in good spirits and feeling alright before he began nagging you in typical Ominis fashion. 

“Honestly, a Depulso charm?” He chastised you further, resting his chin on his palm as his other hand came to tap absentmindedly against the surface of the table. “I would have expected something like Bombarda to finally end your win-streak, not a paltry Force spell.” 

“That’s what happens when you get complacent,” Sebastian added helpfully, skewering yet another sausage from the platter in front of you. He had to have inhaled four of the blasted things already. Those deep brown eyes of his darkened as they shifted to the injury on your temple, and if he deposited his food on his plate a little more aggressively than normal, you certainly didn’t say anything about it. “She’s just lucky things didn’t end up worse.” 

Ominis hummed in agreement and looked in your direction. “Yes, do make sure you’re not breaking your fall with your face anymore. I would like to think the three of us will graduate in one piece together, but between the two of you and your extracurriculars, my hopes are lessening by the day.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” came your monotonous reply. “Thanks for the words of encouragement, guys. You really know how to make a girl feel better about getting launched into a bunch of boxes.” 

“Well it was quite the spectacle. I’m sure you’ll be the talk of the school for at least a few days, so get used to it.” 

You didn’t even need to turn around to know Imelda stood directly behind you, presumably with her hands on her hips and a wicked smile stretching from ear to ear. She was exactly who you didn’t want to deal with right about now– especially considering she was the only living soul privy to your innermost thoughts regarding Sebastian– but she had no qualms about sidling up beside you and making herself comfortable at the table. Her face swam into your peripheral vision as she inquisitively scanned the side of your head now decked out in thick gauze and tape. “So, what’s the verdict? Brain hemorrhage? Cracked skull? Memory loss?” 

“Concussion,” Sebastian answered around a mouthful of food. He fixed you with a stern look as though to remind you, “She’s been instructed to take it easy for a few days which means no broom trials, Reyes. Don’t even think about dragging her off the castle grounds.” 

The Quidditch captain’s hands shot up in mock surrender, her expression the picture of innocence as she shifted back a little in her seat. “Wouldn’t dream of it. I take it that means you’ll be out of class for the foreseeable future?” 

You answered swiftly this time around, lest your boyfriend deign to speak on your behalf once again. You’d hurt your head, not your mouth. “For today at least, yeah. I doubt I’d be much good in Transfiguration with a splitting headache.” 

If you were only allowed one word to describe the look that overtook Imelda’s face, that word would be trouble. Her tawny eyes crinkled at their corners as a mischievous glint twinkled within them, and you could practically see her gearing up to say something you knew would piss you off. She folded her hands neatly over one another atop the table and leaned sideways on her elbow to shoot you a conniving look, and you couldn’t help but stiffen as a wave of apprehension crept up your spine. 

“Well let me know if you need a hand getting notes for the day. Though I’m sure Sallow would be more than happy to assist. Isn’t that right, Sebastian?” 

The emphasis she placed on the word didn’t escape you, and judging by the confused expressions on both Ominis’ and Sebastian’s faces, they didn’t miss it either. It took unwavering focus to maintain your composure and not react, and you prayed to whatever higher power existed that your cheeks weren’t as rouge as they felt. You sighed softly and glanced at the brunet through your lashes, all too aware of the puzzled look he now bore. “How about it?” You opted to simply play along for the time being in a bid to hide the true meaning behind Imelda’s telling comment. “Can you bring me the notes later?”

Sebastian nodded slowly, his gaze shifting between you and Imelda for a long moment before he set his fork down and ran his long, dexterous fingers through his hair. Your eyes tracked the movement against your will, which only seemed to intensify the curious glimmer in his dark eyes, and when he flashed you that sinful Sallow smirk you were all too familiar with, you swallowed nervously. 

Surely Imelda hadn’t just helped him put two and two together, right? 

“Am I missing something here?” Ominis chimed in from across the table, a scowl tugging at the corners of his lips. 

“No, no,” Imelda said, the words dripping with false dismissal. The urge to throttle her was intense. “I was just implying that our dear friend here is bound to be a handful for the next few days, so she’ll need help. Let me know if I can do anything, although I’m sure you’d much rather have Sebastian be the one to–”

She was cut off by the booming slap of your hands against the tabletop as you clambered to your feet, desperate to escape her pointed comments and Sebastian’s prying stare. “Will do!” you exclaimed with too much bite. You lowered your voice and did your best to keep your tone even, “I’m sure I’ll manage, but I can’t be bothered to figure it all out right now. I’ll just– I’ll see you guys later.” 

You didn’t dare look back as you swung your legs over the bench and took off towards the massive double doors. At this point, you were wishing that your collision with the crates had put you in a coma. Maybe then you could have avoided Imelda’s inevitable pestering, but even then you were positive your nuisance of a friend would have found a way to taunt you in your dreams. This was something you were going to have to acknowledge with Sebastian sooner or later, but until that day came you would do everything in your power to avoid any more awkward run-ins with Imelda. At least when Sebastian was with you, you reasoned. For now, you needed to get away from the general public and sleep on your deranged thoughts before anything else embarrassing could happen.

Apparently the universe had other plans for you, however. You recognized Sebastian’s heavy footsteps running up behind you without even checking to be certain, and even though you wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep the remainder of the day away, when his large hand came to coil around your bicep to halt you in your tracks, you let him. 

“Hey, are you alright?” His eyes softened as they took in your miserable appearance, but all you could pay attention to was the feeling of his thumb caressing the back of your arm as he held you in place. “I’m sorry if I upset you– I didn’t realize Imelda was trying to poke bruises, otherwise I would have told her to leave as soon as she came over.” 

Shaking your head absently, you stared over Sebastian’s shoulder and directed your next words towards the wall, because that was infinitely easier than eye contact at the present moment. “I’m not upset, you don’t have to apologize. She’s just… a lot to handle right now.”

“I’ll say,” he concurred easily, moving his head so it was in your line of sight– only to furrow his brow when you ducked your chin to avoid looking at him. His jaw clenched and his hand around your arm tightened, if only briefly, and then he was tugging you along after him. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your dorm.” 

***

He knew. 

He had to know. 

It was the only plausible explanation you could come up with to give reason to Sebastian’s over-exaggerated use of his hands for the last three days. At first you hadn’t thought much of it; you still had a staring problem and Sebastian still had really nice hands, but the difference in the last seventy-two hours was apparent. It was as though your boyfriend was modeling his hands for you, constantly finding ways to dangle the appendages right under your nose and simultaneously letting his touch linger against your skin for far longer than normal. It was driving you insane, and you were positive he was doing it intentionally. 

Realistically it had started the day after your botched Crossed Wands duel. You, Ominis, and Sebastian had been sitting in the Library to study and work on assignments, your motley trio focused intently on your individual work for the bulk of the afternoon. Ominis was using his dictation quill to take notes, his foggy blue eyes narrowed in concentration while he muttered softly under his breath. Sebastian skimmed his own Herbology textbook with hooded eyes, the book propped against the knee he had crossed over his other leg, and his laid back posture coupled with the way his fingers idly played with the hair around his temples was enough to leave you entranced. Once he had taken notice of your staring, however, he’d smirked to himself and made a show of licking his finger to turn the page over, maintaining eye contact with you the entire time. 

You didn’t need a mirror to know you’d flushed beet red at the suggestive act. 

The day after that, the two of you had been in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Sebastian had been asked to demonstrate the proper wand movement for Confringo by Professor Hecat, and shortly thereafter she had asked another student, Hector Jenkins, to take point across from your boyfriend for a friendly duel. Naturally you were prohibited from participating without Nurse Blainey’s go-ahead, so you’d stood at the back of the crowd and looked on ahead with rapt interest, eager to watch Sebastian make short work of his opponent, because of course he would. Chocolate brown eyes had met yours from across the room, and the movement that followed was subtle but obvious– at least, to you it was. 

As Professor Hecat droned on and reminded her students of the rules that went hand-in-hand with dueling in class, Sebastian fondled his wand. Quite literally. His nimble fingers had run along the wood, stroking the handle with such a light touch that his pinky had remained elevated the entire time. His thumb and index finger came to pinch at the tip softly before skimming down towards the checkered handle, and he made a dramatic show of wrapping each one of his fingers around the base before deftly angling the thin wood at you. 

Your breath had caught in your throat at the brazen motion, and Sebastian shamelessly winked at you before settling into the usual, confident persona he embodied while fighting. 

To say you’d become a ball of nerves afterwards would be a monumental understatement. You wound up leaning back against the wall with your ankles crossed to ease the rampant ache that had settled between your legs, doing your best to not look like you were going into an animalistic heat, which was easier said than done. 

Later on during dinner in the Great Hall, you found yourself seated next to Sebastian and across from Ominis, as per usual. The evening had started out much the same as always; with the three of you discussing the events of the day and planning for the upcoming weekend. The only difference was your boyfriend had seemingly taken it upon himself to distract you from the conversation entirely, covertly placing his hand on your thigh beneath the table to run the damn thing up and down your leg. Every time he reached your knee, he would steadily drag his palm higher up, teasing you with an occasional squeeze the closer he got to your center. Since you didn’t want to clue Ominis in on his best friend’s antics you were forced to keep your lips firmly sealed– left with no choice but to silently endure your boyfriend’s unique form of torture. 

As Ominis idly discussed wanting to escape to The Three Broomsticks on Saturday, Sebastian’s grip on your leg tightened while he sat forward to spoon a serving of the night’s dessert onto his plate; a colorful fruit tart with a healthy dollop of whipped cream slapped on top. You swallowed thickly as he delicately skewered a strawberry with his fork and brought it to his lips, pausing to reply to Ominis before popping it in his mouth. 

“I’m game, better to go now before Quidditch practice starts again. Merlin only knows how many trials Imelda intends on cramming into my weekends before long.” 

Ominis snorted and set his cutlery down on his plate, “You say that as though she’s doing it to spite you and you alone. In case you’ve forgotten, there’s six other people to account for on the team, and not all of them were blessed with the free time to practice over summer like you.” 

Sebastian side-eyed you briefly, and the corner of his mouth quirked up into a condescending grin. “That has a whole lot of nothing to do with me and everything to do with them being lazy. But my point still stands– that woman lives to invade my free time, so butterbeers this weekend sounds like a solid plan. What do you say, darling?” 

The brunet chose that exact moment to sensually take the strawberry between his teeth and pull it free from the fork prongs, smiling wickedly at you all the while. A tiny bit of the whipped cream had stayed behind on his bottom lip, but before you could point it out to him or wipe it away yourself, Sebastian did exactly that, drawing his finger into his mouth to suck deviously at the remnants. Your eyes were wider than saucers as you watched his tongue lave over the pad of his thumb and forefinger, and the telling squeeze he bestowed upon your thigh immediately afterwards all but confirmed your fears. 

He absolutely fucking knew. 

***

“I think there’s something on your mind,” Sebastian said from beside you. “Something that’s been on your mind for a while now. Care to share?” 

The two of you were on your way to the Room of Requirement, having just left the Hospital Wing after Nurse Blainey had summoned you there to evaluate your recovery progress following your mentally arduous week. She’d been all too pleased when Sebastian told her you had adhered to her guidelines to the letter– minimizing your physical activity and resting at every opportune moment, much to your boyfriend’s credit. After a few diagnostic scans, mobility trials, and a never ending list of questions designed to test your memory, she had deemed you fit to return to your usual activities– though not before making you swear to stay out of her sight for the rest of the year. 

Affectionately, of course. 

Sebastian’s comment reeled you back to the present moment, however, and you shot him a stern look out of the corner of your eye as you ascended the spiral staircase within the Astronomy Tower. “Unless you’re referring to how stunned I’ve been thanks to your obscene behavior this week, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He skipped ahead of you until he reached the top landing, spinning on his heel to face you as you breezed past him without so much as a second glance. “Oh, but I think you do. Surely you know why I’ve been behaving so ‘obscenely’. You’re the one who gave me the idea after all.” 

Keeping your expression schooled was difficult, but you managed. As the wall concealing the door to the Room of Requirement began to shift and change, you were all too aware of Sebastian sidling up next to you so he could run the tips of his fingers up your arm and over your shoulder, sending shiver-inducing chills down your spine. The gesture was intimate and suggestive, and you sighed softly as you stepped out of his reach to make for the fully formed entryway in front of you– not particularly keen on putting on a show for any students that potentially milled about the tower. 

You made it three steps inside the room before Sebastian grabbed you by your shoulder and spun you sideways, swiftly and effortlessly guiding you backwards until your back collided with the wall, and the startled gasp that ripped from your chest seemed to ignite a spark of interest in your boyfriend’s eyes. The hand he had on you traveled up along the smooth skin of your neck until he had a loose grip on your chin, and the sinful way his thumb trailed over your bottom lip spoke volumes about his intentions. 

“Do I need to coax the truth out of you, or can you be a good girl and say what it is you want?” His other hand slipped beneath the fabric of your blouse, his touch blazing and leaving you hot with want the higher up your torso it traveled. The tantalizing feeling of his blunt nails scraping along the plane of your stomach had your muscles clenching and your breath hitching, and Sebastian dipped his head lower so he was directly in your line of sight. You knew he saw your rampant need for him reflected in your eyes when his pupils dilated, and he moved his thumb away from your lip to caress your cheekbone as you stared wide-eyed up at him. He cocked his head to the side as he goaded you further, “Come on, darling. You’ve never had a problem with saying what’s on your mind before, why switch up on me now?” 

“Because it–” you started to say, cutting off mid-explanation when Sebastian curled his long fingers around your waist to press against your ribs in a way that nullified all coherent thought. His domineering presence over you left you nearly breathless. 

He smirked, all too aware of the effect he currently had on you. “It what?” 

Merlin, he was doing you in with barely any effort. Reducing you to nothing at the hands of his… well, hands. You were pathetic. He waited for your response though, his fingers dancing up your side promisingly while you worked to formulate a sentence. “I-It’s ridiculous,” you stammered out. “It’s embarrassing…”

The hand he’d tenderly ghosted across your cheek slipped behind your head, and his fingers tangled in your hair at the back of your skull to tug gently. The motion forced you to crane your chin up to follow Sebastian’s unwavering gaze, and his lips were close enough to yours that you felt his airy chuckle fan across your nose. “I already know what it is and I can tell you this much; you and I have very different definitions of what qualifies as ‘embarrassing’, darling.” His head dipped into the crook of your neck so he could better bestow wet, open mouthed kisses against your thundering pulse, and your stomach flipped at the sordid sounds he made as he went. “Come on, say it,” he implored you, his voice like velvet. “It’s only us here– tell me what you want.” 

“I…” you began, shuddering immediately after when Sebastian nipped at the spit-slick skin of your throat. Finding the words was only going to get increasingly difficult from here on out, you wagered. “I want your hands on me. I haven’t been able to get the thought out of my mind since school started.”

As though to punctuate his retort, Sebastian’s hold on your hair and your waist intensified, and a barely there squeak weaseled its way past your lips as he pulled away from your throat to fix you with a heated look. “My hands are already on you, sweetheart. Tell me why, use your big girl voice.”

Bastard. Your eyes sharpened in response to his quip, and your palms came to rest flat against the larger man’s chest before you dug your nails into the fabric of his shirt. “Because you really do have very nice hands. Because the mere idea of having them on me does things to me that I can’t begin to describe. And because I’m asking you nicely,” you purred the last bit to the best of your ability, relishing in the insatiable, hungry look that crossed Sebastian’s face at your tone. “Touch me, Sebastian. I want you– all of you. Please?”

As soon as Sebastian’s lips captured yours, your inhibitions ceased to exist. All you could taste, smell, feel, and hear was him, and judging by the demanding way he pulled you flush against him by your waist, that was exactly what he was going for. You keened needily as his nails dug into your sensitive skin and the fingers buried in your hair wound tight around the strands, and your boyfriend eagerly bit at your lips before backing away just enough to stare at you through his hooded, lust-dark eyes. 

“Keep talking to me like that and I’ll do anything you want,” he groaned, utterly captivated by the sight of you so wound up. You caved to his ministrations completely then, your stomach flipping over on itself when his chest pressed against yours and sealed you more firmly to the wall. His groin followed soon after– the long, hard length of him tangible through his trousers as he leaned into your spread legs further– and your own hands finally came to grasp at his shoulders when he rolled his hips against yours fervently. 

“Touch me,” you implored him, the request practically a whisper as it fell from your lips. “Your hands– please, Sebastian.” 

A pleased sound snaked its way through Sebastian’s clenched teeth as he obliged you instantly, releasing your waist and hair to run his hands down your torso before delving beneath your shirt. The rough, chill-inducing feeling of his calloused palms trailing against the bare skin of your stomach had you moaning in earnest, and your head tipped back against the wall with a thunk as he cupped your breasts in those heavenly hands you’d grown to adore so much. Sebastian took full advantage of your submissive position and buried his head in the exposed crook of your neck, his warm breath fanning across your skin as he murmured, “You sound incredible when you beg, darling. So fucking perfect– gods.” 

No words came to you to formulate a reply, especially when your boyfriend’s tongue darted out of his mouth to lave down the slender column of your throat, the biting sting of his teeth on your shoulder following soon after. Your next breath caught in your chest when Sebastian ground his stiffening cock against you once more, and his airy chuckle against you was seductive and ripe with promise. Those nimble fingers of his clawed gently over the rounded tops of your breasts before pinching your hardened nipples, and that was what finally pulled coherent English from your lips. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, unaware of just how much the brunet adored the needy timbre to your voice. 

Sebastian’s hands left your body for the briefest of moments to push himself off the wall, then took you by the hand to guide you towards the small bedroom tucked away in the back of the Room of Requirement. Between the two of you, your combined excitement was palpable– thick enough to cut with a knife– and as soon as you made it through the threshold of the door, he was back on you in a heartbeat. It was all a flurry of lips, teeth, and tongue as he steered you backwards towards the spacious bed, those magnificent hands of his holding your hips steady with firm reassurance. 

Once the backs of your calves connected with the mattress, Sebastian pulled away from your mouth with a wicked smirk, giving you a playful shove that sent you sprawling back on the bed with a startled yelp. It hardly mattered, though. Not when the man before you began undoing the buttons on his own shirt, exposing the tanned, freckled expanse of his toned chest. Not when he shrugged the attire off his sculpted shoulders and lowered himself to his knees so he could peer at you over your bent knees. Nothing else mattered aside from him.

“You know,” he started to say as his hands reappeared on your hips, tugging at the waistline of your trousers so they started to slide over your hip bones. “You’ve inadvertently given me lots of new ideas.” 

A shiver coursed its way down your spine at the suggestive tone he spoke the words with, amplified tenfold by the unrepentant fantasies that flickered through your mind. “Oh really?” 

“Really,” he agreed simply. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards and he gestured wordlessly for you to lift your hips so he could slide your pants down your outstretched legs. You obeyed, if only to get a move on with things so you could see the new ‘ideas’ Sebastian had apparently come up with. Dark, eager eyes met yours as he dropped your clothing to the floor, and then Sebastian asked, “Do you trust me?” 

Without missing a beat, you murmured, “Always.” 

Not another word was uttered, and you watched through hooded eyes as Sebastian prowled up the edge of the mattress to crawl over your prone form. Amusement seemingly glimmered in his lust-laden gaze as he set to expertly unbuttoning your shirt with his adroit digits, revealing inch after inch of your flushed torso, and goosebumps broke out over your stomach in the wake of Sebastian’s knuckles brushing against your heated flesh. 

He didn’t bother removing your blouse fully, opting to instead flick the sides of the undone top outward to let them hang disheveled against your sides. The shallow, anticipatory breaths you let loose was the only sound you made as the freckled man above you gathered your wrists in one of his larger hands to pin them above your head, and the entire time he worked to restrain your arms, his eye contact with you remained unwavering. Warriness and excitement alike pooled in the lower pit of your gut, mixing with the telltale ache between your legs that fueled the heat that slithered through your veins. 

Sebastian’s free hand came to touch you then, starting at the swell of your breasts before he gently thumbed over the peak of one of your nipples. The sensation had you sucking in a breath loud enough to make your boyfriend pause– only for him to repeat the motion a second time. “You’re rather pent up, aren’t you?” 

Despite yourself, you narrowed your eyes in response to his taunting and rolled your head to the side in an attempt to hide the blush you knew spread across your cheeks. “Shut up…”

The hand on your breast flew to your face, gripping your chin and turning your head back so you were forced to meet his penetrating stare. “Come on, be honest,” he goaded you further. “You missed me. Say it.” 

“Of course I missed you,” you relented quickly. “I didn’t see you for two months.”

That damnable smirk of his made its grand reappearance, and you hated how much you loved the sight of it. “You managed well enough last summer. Or were you lying through your teeth about handling the distance ‘easily’ on your travels?” 

Your fingers twitched in his unrelenting hold, the urge to crane your neck away again taking over, but you were forced to keep your eyes trained on his. “I wasn’t lying then, but I still missed you.”

The way his head tilted to the side curiously reminded you of an animal attempting to get a better look at their prey. “So why the sudden change?”

Chewing your lip thoughtfully for a moment, you decided to voice your inner thoughts regardless of how bashful the idea made you feel. “Because you changed. You’re… bigger.”

Your drab attempt at an explanation didn’t escape Sebastian, but that amusement still glinted in his eyes as he released your chin and trailed his hand down your torso towards your aching center. “Bigger, huh? Care to elaborate?” 

Skillful fingers slipped under the cotton of your undergarments, already damp with arousal, and you mewled softly when one of his digits slid through your wet folds before pressing down on your clit with delectable pressure. It nearly derailed your train of thought entirely, but Sebastian helpfully pulled away and snickered when your disappointed sigh slipped through your clenched teeth. “Dammit–”

“You talk,” he fucking purred down at you, looking far too smug for your liking, “and I work. Sound like a fair trade?” 

His offer was emphasized by one of his fingers probing at your slick entrance, further enticing you to oblige his request. When you angled your hips to meet the feeling, he pulled back swiftly, quirking a brow at you with a knowing look. 

Bastard, you thought. 

Fine. 

“Y-You’re bigger,” you started to say. “More muscular than before, and I think you grew a couple inches.” 

Sebastian’s hand resumed its teasing exploration of your center once more, gingerly inserting his middle finger inside of you as his thumb took to rubbing titillating circles against your clit. The flutter of your eyelids brought a coy smile to the brunet’s face, and his hold on your wrists tightened a fraction as he increased the intensity of his movements. He mockingly said, “You like having a big, strong boyfriend or something? The scandal.” 

You barely registered the gibe– not with his thumb slowly working over your clit in time with his finger. It damn near voided all of your brain’s function. All you cared to focus on was the bliss that came with finally having his hands on you. “Yes,” you groaned with blatant need. “I love it– I love it so much– you’re perfect, Sebastian.” 

Spurred on by your praise, Sebastian leaned down to mouth wetly at your throat, biting and sucking at whatever smooth skin he found as he pumped his finger in and out of your wet heat steadily. Your head rolled to the side to allow him easier access as he presumably worked a bruise into your flesh, and you relished in the knowledge that he was rebranding you as his after the summer months spent apart. A guttural moan spilled from your mouth as he laved his tongue over the mark and covertly slipped a second finger inside your cunt, crooking the digits up to reach a depth you could never hope to when you were pleasuring yourself. 

He took it slow, half for your sake and half for his own, but as Sebastian scissored his fingers and upped his tempo, he could see how you fell apart for him. You struggled to breathe, your every exhale colored with a panted, needy little sound while your thighs twitched and tensed on either side of his arm. When he shifted his fingers up just slightly, your entire body shuddered as your back arched off the bed and you choked on a breathy whine. You were so sensitive, so incredibly vocal, and it was driving him crazy. 

Sebastian’s size allowed him to stretch over the majority of your upper body easily, his hold on your arms still firm as he dipped his head lower to lick his way down to your breasts. Ever so gently, he took one of your nipples between his teeth and clamped down with a cautious amount of pressure, increasing the pace of his fingers when he heard your breath hitch in your throat. You could feel his lips stretch into a smile against your chest as your heart rate sped up and your hips involuntarily bucked up into his hand in search of more friction– more of him. 

“Merlin–” you writhed atop the sheets as that familiar ache took root in your gut, your finish approaching dangerously fast as Sebastian pressed the palm of his hand against your clit and somehow managed to pump his digits deeper inside of you. “Fuck, fuck!” 

He pulled away from your torso to watch you with rapt interest, a flicker of something primal flashing in his brown eyes as he observed your features pinching together with obvious focus as you chased the euphoria he bestowed upon you. “You’re close, aren’t you? I can feel it… I never thought just my hands could do it for you like this, sweetheart. Consider me pleasantly surprised.” 

His words meant nothing to you– not right now. Your climax was so close, so painfully close that all you cared to focus on was the steady rhythm of Sebastian’s fingers and his strength holding your wrists down to the bed. Brainlessly, you rolled your head to the side as Sebastian worked you towards the edge, only to blink blearily up at him when he released your wrists to grab the underside of your jaw and force your eyes back on him. 

“Look at me while you come on my fingers. I want to see every second of it.” 

Who were you to say no? 

Your release was akin to a tidal wave– crashing over you violently and stealing your breath as you tried your hardest to keep your eyes open and glued to Sebastian. Mouth falling open around an airy moan, your boyfriend continued to finger-fuck you through your orgasm as he captured your lips in a desperate, lethal kiss. “That’s it,” he groaned into your parted lips. “Good girl.” 

The brunet had the good grace to slide his fingers out slowly while he pulled away, laughing softly at the slight jolt your body gave when his palm grazed over your bundle of nerves once more. Dazed and twitching beneath him, you didn’t notice he’d brought his hand to his mouth until it was inches from your face, and the stars clouding your vision cleared just in time to watch him take the two fingers that had previously been inside of you between his lips. 

“I– what are you doing?” Your incredulous tone didn’t deter Sebastian in the slightest, and he smirked around his fingers before pulling them out of his mouth with an audible wet sound. 

“Tasting you,” he said casually, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Then with a wink he added, “You’re very sweet.” Nearly all the blood in your body rushed to your cheeks in that instant, warming your face as your mouth fell open in silent shock. It was balmy– completely and utterly bewildering. Yet you couldn’t help but find the brazen move equally… arousing. 

You’d officially lost your mind. 

In a flash, he lowered his hand closer to your own open mouth, shoving the fingers past your lips and grinning when you squealed with indignant surprise. There was nowhere for you to go– nowhere for you to turn your head to escape the taste of yourself on his digits– and so you were left with no choice but to allow Sebastian to run his fingers along your tongue. The added knowledge that you found his hands so alluring only made the whole spectacle more intimate, and before you could stop yourself, you found yourself sucking shamelessly at his skin, working your tongue over his knuckles as you stared up at him with unrestrained desire. 

“Gods,” he muttered, swallowing thickly before pulling his fingers free from your mouth. His voice was shaky, and you dimly registered that your eager submission had gotten to him. 

You licked the remnants of yourself from your lips as Sebastian shuffled back to the edge of the bed, standing straight to hastily undo his trousers and shove the material down his long, toned legs. Numbly, you followed suit, sitting up shakily to shrug off your now wrinkled blouse and toss it aside to join the growing pile of clothing at your boyfriend’s feet. 

Nude as the day he was born, Sebastian confidently stared down at you and took in the full picture of you before him with an animalistic hunger shining in his eyes. His chestnut hair was unruly and curled wildly in every direction, the breaths he hurriedly sucked down causing his shapely chest to rise and fall in a way that dragged your attention to his strong, capable body. You drank in the sight of his tan, freckled skin, your wide eyes roving lower and lower until they landed on his hard cock arching proudly against his taut stomach. 

Maybe you were imagining things, but you could have sworn that was bigger too. 

When your eyes jumped back to Sebastian’s, you were positive he knew exactly what you’d been thinking, if his wolfish grin was anything to go by. “See something you like?” 

“Please fuck me,” you groaned, too turned on by the sight of him alone to be embarassed about how desperate you sounded. 

Sebastian effortlessly crawled back onto the bed and settled over you, pulling you into another intoxicating kiss as he slipped between your spread thighs and rolled his hips, grinding his achingly hard cock against your slit with a dizzying sort of precision. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, your eyes squeezing closed before you tilted your head back and arched up against him. “F-Fuck, you’re so hard,” you gasped, loosely hooking your legs around Sebastian’s hips. 

Groaning his agreement, Sebastian nipped at the side of your jaw and murmured, “You have no idea… want you bad.” He nuzzled your ear for a moment, humming at the way you shivered under him, then mouthed his way down your throat with hot, wet kisses that pulled a slew of tiny noises out of you as he rocked his hips again. 

Before you could wrap your arms around his shoulders like you’d planned, Sebastian was sitting back on his heels to manhandle you exactly where he wanted you. Those big hands of his grabbed you by your waist, hauling you down the bed like you weighed nothing so your rear was balanced over the tops of his knees and he was perfectly aligned with your slick entrance. The way he easily moved you around spoke volumes of the physical labor he’d done over the summer, slaving away the muggle way to restore his Uncle’s former home for the two of you to use after graduation. Every stone moved, every log chopped, and every wheelbarrow trundled was cataloged within the corded muscles that lined his body. 

If you weren’t already head over heels for the man, you were certain you would be deemed grossly smitten.

Sebastian’s hands slid from your waist to your thighs to better hold you in place as he bumped the tip of his cock against you, and your breath stuttered in your chest at the first steady roll of his hips, the head sliding home easily into your slick, tight, and warm heat. Your name fell from your lover’s lips in the form of a ragged moan, fingers digging into your legs as he rocked his hips slowly, feeling for any tension or resistance. Everything he’d done to soothe you, however, had paid off, and he found that once he pressed in more firmly, you took him perfectly, letting him slide deeper with every short thrust. 

He really had gotten bigger.

“I could tell you thought so,” Sebastian said around a laugh. Had you said that out loud? “Your eyes just about bugged out of your head when you looked earlier.” 

Embarrassed for the nth time in the last week, you looked away from him and quietly grumbled under your breath, “Whatever… don’t let it get to your head. Your ego is big enough as it is.” 

“It’s not the only thing that’s big apparently,” he countered easily. As though to punctuate the statement, Sebastian pulled his hips back once more before spearing into you with brutal efficiency, and the gasp that ripped from your throat then was followed by a breathless sound that bordered on a wail. 

It was so thick– Sebastian’s cock– and it filled you up and spread you open so incredibly, but it was the angle that was really rendering you incapable of thought. With your hips elevated, the blunt head brushed past your sweet spot with every dragging thrust, re-lighting that fire in your blood that threatened to set you ablaze. You wanted more, but you were almost afraid of how good it would feel, how high it would take you. Sebastian was all around you, with his hands gripping your thighs, deep inside you, stirring you up and coaxing brainless whimpers out of you, not bothering to hold back for your sake– and thank the gods for that. 

A meek keening sound arose from your throat as you gasped Sebastian’s name, and the brunet responded with a rough growl, stroking your thighs tenderly before abandoning one of them to place his hand on the lower part of your stomach. He pressed down with his fingers splayed against your skin, thrusting into you deeper so you could really feel every long, delectable inch of him within you, and the added pressure made your head spin and your walls clamp down on him. 

“Oh, fuck–” you moaned wantonly, arching your spine as much as you were able in a bid to feel as much as possible. Sebastian responded by moving his grip on your thigh to your waist, fucking into you harder until all you were capable of doing was whining for more with your eyes unfocused. Rational thought was gone– you were losing your mind with the way Sebastian was pounding into you now, that fire spreading through you– but you had quickly stopped being afraid of the feeling. The hotter you got, the more Sebastian’s perfect aim drove you higher until you were arching and pleading, noisy and half-coherent as overwhelmed tears filled your eyes. 

When you finally caught hold of words beyond brainless, wavering cries, you threw your head back with a gasping whine to loudly beg, “Sebastian, please, please–” 

“F-Fuck,” he stuttered out, moaning desperately into the empty air before he rasped, “You like it that much, darling? Want more?” 

“Yes!” You clawed mindlessly at the hand he had clamped against your waist, urging him to use the damn thing in the way you had dreamt of every night since returning to school. Ever the fast learner, Sebastian obliged you mercifully and let go of your waist, leaving you to hook your legs around his hips as he brought his hands to your throat to pull you onto his cock harder and faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room and muddling your brain further. 

“You look so perfect with my hands around your neck, darling.” Sebastian growled out in-between bestial grunts. “So pretty, so eager. Is it good?” 

He wasn’t choking the life out of you by any means, but the pressure he applied on either side of your neck added a sort of high that left your tongue useless in your mouth. You could hardly formulate words, much less a full sentence, but you still managed to stammer out a raspy, “Y-Yes, fuck–”

You were fairly certain you were drooling all over yourself, but you couldn’t find the willpower to care. There were too many sensations to keep track of, and through the haze of it all, your climax came into sight. Your hand came to grasp at one of the ones Sebastian had secured around your throat while the other fisted in the sheets, squeezing as hard as you could as you rutted back against his hips the best you could. It wasn’t doing much as far as you were concerned, but Sebastian evidently appreciated your attempt as he groaned roughly, letting his head hang between his shoulders as he began pumping his hips faster. 

“Shit– I’m close, I’m so close–”

Beyond your moans of encouragement, there wasn’t much else you could say. Sebastian took your motivating sounds in stride though, keeping one hand clamped around your neck securely as the other flew down to your clit, instantaneously rubbing urgent little circles around the nub in a bid to take you with him over the edge. Your voice was already raspy but so much louder and needier than Sebastian’s short moans of your name, and his half-baked praises and pleas intermingled with the distant banging of the headboard against the stone wall. Even through all that– through the spiking volume of your pleasure and the blinding need devouring you both– all Sebastian saw was you, and all you saw was ecstasy. 

When you finally came you wailed, long and loud as your hands clung to the sheets beneath you and Sebastian’s thick wrist alike, the latter of which knew better than to stop now. Your muscles tensed dangerously tight, your toes curling hard and your nails scraping fresh tracks down Sebastian’s forearm hard enough to leave welts, and your boyfriend was already holding on by a thread by the time your cunt clamped down tight around him. It was almost too hard to move, but there was just enough give that your climax peaked impossibly further and Sebastian fell right after you, crying your name over and over with the rough, faltering tempo of his hips. 

The two of you were hardly aware of anything as you both slowed down and came off of that high, but you eventually blinked the fog from your mind and came to realize Sebastian had long since abandoned his hold on your throat in favor of laying across your prone form, lightly peppering kisses against your collarbone as he sucked down breaths to catch his breath. The stinging twitch of uncoiling muscles and the swelling bites and scratches only served to bring you both back to reality in slow, leisurely time with one another, and at the end of it all it was Sebastian who found his voice first, murmuring yet another snide comment into the crook of your shoulder. 

“Should I start wearing gloves now?” 

Still breathless and spent from the last hour– hell, the entirety of the last week– your delirious laughter was uncontrollable as you realized and quickly accepted that the truth was now out there, and your boyfriend was more than ready to take full advantage of that. “I don’t think gloves will help, honestly.” 

The remainder of the school year would end up being a testament to just how true that claim actually was, you guessed. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, would most certainly enjoy every second of it. 

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[starrystevie]

“i must have been real sweet on you,” eddie murmurs as he runs his fingers over his husband’s cheek, sleepy and sated, warm in their bed. 

steve chuckles, twisting his head to catch the tips of eddie’s fingers with a kiss. “why are you talking past tense? you’re not sweet on me now?”

the room is peacefully still. years of baby monitors are long gone only to inevitably give way to their daughter’s teenage years of slamming doors and too loud stereo speakers. but in this moment, with the pale moonlight streaming in through the windows and crickets chirping in the distance, the room is peaceful, thick with love. 

“quit your pouting, ‘course i’m sweet on you now.” eddie wipes away steve’s fake frown with a kiss, turning it into a sticky sweet grin. “it’s just something my mom used to tell me. that freckles are all the places your soulmate in a past life kissed you.”

eddie pushes steve back so he’s laying flat on the mattress and dips his head to press featherlight kisses on the side of his neck. across his shoulders. over his cheeks. his fingertips flutter over the spots afterwards, leaving goosebumps in their wake despite the heat radiating between them. 

“must have loved you a whole lot in our last lives to leave so many on you now,” eddie whispers, pulling back to stroke the back of his hand over steve’s face once more, letting his lips curl up in a dopey half smile that only steve ever gets to see. 

it doesn’t take long for steve to tilt his head up and press kisses of his own where he can; under eddie’s eye, the bottom of his chin, right over his heart. it doesn’t take long for eddie to giggle as his sensitive spots are found and attacked with ticklish kisses and fluttering eyelashes. it doesn’t take long for their legs to tangle together underneath the sheets and their breaths to get caught in their chests and their hearts to start beating a beautiful melody of their own making. 

steve lays a firm kiss to the side of eddie’s chest, over jagged white scarring and half bitten away tattoos. over memories that somehow don’t haunt them as much anymore. 

“what was that one for?” eddie asks, eyes half lidded, the adoration in his voice loud across the quiet room. 

another kiss on another scar. “wanna give you some freckles. for your next life and for this one, too. so you know just how sweet on you I am-” kiss, “ -and was-” kiss, “- and forever will be.”

they won’t know for however many more years if it worked or not. but here in this lifetime, they have all the time in the world to try their damndest to make sure it does. in this lifetime, they don’t have to worry, because they know they’ll  find each other in the next one. 

[diaz-fox]

@ writers, just out of curiosity.... when you write multichapter fics, do you have each chapter in a separate doc or have everything on one big doc?

[cromerhearts]

You’re out at dinner with friends, seated around a large round table. Hongjoong sits next to you, listening intently as you are engrossed in conversation and talking animatedly. From the corner of your eye, you can see your boyfriend shifting restlessly in his chair.

“Baby,” He whispers, making you turn your head. Wordlessly, Hongjoong leans closer to you to offer a bite of his food from his chopsticks.

You glance down for a second before taking it in your mouth and chewing, his hand cupped just below your chin. Hongjoong grabbed the nearest napkin on the table to wipe at the corners of your mouth.

“Is it yummy?” He gives you a loving look, wiping your chin as you nod.The food wasn’t even messy, he just wanted a reason to touch you. For a moment, all he sees in the room is you as you chew thoughtfully and swallow.

“Thank you,” You patted his knee, gave him a grateful smile and turned back to the conversation you were a part of. Your boyfriend shot a disgruntled look at the back of your head.

It grew a little too quiet to your right.

“Baby.” Hongjoong’s voice was only slightly louder this time, tone a little firmer than before. You felt the tips of your ears and cheeks begin to burn as you turned back to him.

“Yeah?” You leaned back in, blinking at him. You were met with your boyfriend’s gaze, feeling a little vulnerable the longer he stared.

“Why are you sitting so far away?” He deadpanned.

“I am?”

In one swift movement, Hongjoong grabbed the seat of your chair and pulled you just a few inches closer to him. It wasn’t even like you were that far, but you let it happen. You couldn’t help the small smile on your face as your boyfriend draped his arm over the back of your chair and leaned back in his seat. Someone was feeling territorial tonight.