This account is old and so are my memes, minors DNI. (asks/requests: open!)
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Half-hearted mechanic!reader x Tyler Owens Drabble because I can’t get Twisters out of my head since watching it, and by god do I have a love of cowboys with hearts of gold ❤️
You hear him before you see him, the loud radio in the distance followed by the tell-tale squeak of a loose grill—something you make a mental note to repair when you’re free.
You turn with a smile on your face, knowing there’s only one person who makes such a grand entrance, and he just so happens to be your favorite customer.
He tips his hat at you from the drivers seat before speaking, voice smooth and oh-so-honeyed. “Howdy there grease monkey.”
“And howdy to you adrenaline junkie,” you muse, leaning up against his beat-up red truck. “So, what have you broken this time? Besides the hearts of many women, of course.”
Tyler’s grin only widens. “You know me so well.”
He hops out of the car with a small grunt, scooping you into a hug that makes your stomach do flips. “That’s why you’re my best girl.”
You ignore how his words make you feel in favor of returning the gesture. “I’m the only mechanic within a 20 mile radius that’ll actually work on your Frankenstein of a car, Owens—“
“And I’m thankful for it every day,” he says, running back to the passenger side door. “So thankful in fact…”
He reaches inside for a moment, then comes back with a box. It’s simple—no frills, bells, or whistles to be seen—but its simplicity only piques your curiosity further.
He hands it to you bright-eyed, nodding towards the conspicuous looking package.
“Go on now, I wanna see your reaction.” He says, hands in his pockets. Tyler clamps his mouth shut in anticipation as you open it, and your reaction was more than worth the price it took for him to buy—
“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me—“
He nods before gesturing to your brand new welding helmet. “You’d been sayin’ how your helmets been getting old so I thought it was time for an upgrade. It’s the least I could do.”
You look at the helmet in your hand, the matte black finish like velvet against your fingertips, and when you turn it around you can’t help but laugh at the bright red text plastered on the side.
“Truck wrangler? Really?” You giggle, admiring the old nickname he gave you the day you first met.
“Thought it was fitting.”
You hum your approval before taking the gift under your arm. “Thank you Tyler.”
“Pleasure is mine,” he says, tipping his hat towards you. “Besides, I owe you. Can’t exactly be a Tornado Wrangler if my ride’s not up to par can I?”
“So what you’re saying is…?” You tease, waiting to hear those magic words. Tyler’s eyes roll at your antics, but his smile betrays him.
“What I’m sayin’ is that I couldn’t do this—“
He grabs at his gold belt buckle, the glint of it catching in the sun. “—without you. I mean that.”
You had an idea, but to actually hear him say it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and the way his eyes practically melt at the words you know he means it.
“Damn it Ty, you really know how to make a girl feel special huh?” You say, biting back a smile. You pull him into your arms without protest, a half-hearted attempt to hide just how happy you truly are. He offers a tight squeeze in return, not one to shy away from affection.
“Anything for you.”
#robo writes#tyler owens#tyler owens x reader#tyler owens x you#twisters#clearing out my drafts and I found this little thing!#if you’ve never seen twisters (2024) I highly recommend <3
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I know I’m a super normie though because I still don’t… understand… how exactly you wield the One Ring as a weapon. Like what did Boromir and Denethor etc. expect to do with it besides turn invisible and get soul-corrupted by Sauron
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Bite-Sized Betrayal
Summary: When Logan realizes your blowjob is too good to be a “first-timer” move, he launches a full-blown “detective mission,” trying to uncover the truth of your “so-called innocence.”
Pairing : Logan Howlett x Gf!Human-reader
Note : Fluff, suggestive themes
Logan’s jealousy is always kinda… cute. For a guy who’s survived literal wars, he’s got no clue how to handle feelings that aren’t anger or fighting. And now? Oh, you had him in a real mood.
It all started when you decided to surprise him with a little something extra. Y’know, testing out that thing you read about online. A blowjob. Logan being your first—and let’s be real, only—boyfriend, you thought you were doing okay. More than okay, apparently, because halfway through, he completely froze.
“Whoa, whoa, babe,” Logan said, pulling back with a hand on your shoulder, eyes narrowed. “That was a little too good.”
You sat there, blinking up at him, wondering what the hell he was talking about. “Uh… thanks?”
But he wasn’t letting it go. The Wolverine squinted at you like he was analyzing every moment of your past life. “No way you’re that good at this without practice.”
Now, let’s be real here—you know Logan. He’s got this whole rough-and-tough exterior, but the second something doesn’t fit into his perfectly controlled world, he turns into a paranoid mess. And today? That paranoia was locked and loaded.
“Logan…” You started to say, but the man was already up, pacing like he was solving some kinda murder mystery. He ran his hands through his wild hair, muttering something under his breath.
“Who was it?” he suddenly growled, turning to face you like you had just admitted to world domination.
“Who was what?” You blinked, trying so hard not to laugh.
“The guy,” he said, jabbing a finger in your direction. “Who taught ya? Some douchebag in college? Or maybe that asshole at the bar last month—you did talk to him for a bit.”
Now, it’s one thing to have your tough boyfriend jealous, but this? This was next-level ridiculous. You sat back, biting your lip to stop yourself from bursting into laughter. “Logan, babe, what are you talking about? You’re literally my first.”
He narrowed his eyes, clearly not buying it. “Don’t gimme that, darlin’. No one’s that good the first time.” He crossed his arms like he was about to grill you with hard evidence. “I’ve been around the block, ya know.”
You couldn’t hold it in anymore. The laughter came out before you could stop it, making Logan scowl even harder.
“This isn’t funny,” he snapped, pacing again. “I’m serious. I’m startin’ to think you’re hidin’ somethin’.”
“Logan, for the love of—” You wiped away the tears of laughter, finally getting up to stand in front of him. “I’m not hiding anything! You’re my first boyfriend. You know that.”
“Yeah, but that move—” He pointed vaguely toward the couch, still frowning. “That was some professional-level shit.”
You couldn’t stop giggling, and it only made him more irritated. He ran his hand down his face and groaned. “Alright, tell me the truth. You’ve been Googlin’ this stuff, haven’t ya?”
You almost doubled over. “You think I Googled how to give you a blowjob?!”
“Well, I don’t know!” Logan growled, frustration dripping from his voice. “Maybe you did. I’m just sayin’… that was too good to be natural.”
“Logan,” you said through fits of giggles, “I’m not some secret blowjob expert, okay? Maybe I’m just, I don’t know, naturally talented?”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly still unconvinced. “Nah. Somethin’ doesn’t add up here.”
You threw your hands up, finally losing your patience. “Okay, so what are you gonna do, Sherlock? You gonna interrogate every guy I’ve ever spoken to? ‘Hey, did she happen to give you a blowjob once upon a time?’”
Logan actually looked like he was considering it for a second, and you lost it all over again. This man, this absolute idiot, was serious.
He huffed, crossing his arms again like he’d already decided on his next move. “Look, babe, I just don’t like not knowin’ things, alright?”
“Oh my God, you’re jealous because I’m good at blowjobs. That’s what this is about.”
Logan’s cheeks actually flushed. He muttered something about it “not being like that,” but you knew better. This was the same guy who once picked a fight with someone for glancing at you in a diner. Of course, he was jealous.
Finally, after what felt like forever, Logan sighed. “Alright, fine. Maybe I’m a little jealous. I just… don’t want anyone else takin’ credit for somethin’ we’re supposed to figure out together.”
You couldn’t help but grin. “You mean you don’t want anyone else getting the benefits of my natural talent?”
Logan shot you a look but didn’t say anything, clearly trying to figure out how to navigate this weird conversation. Finally, he huffed again. “Alright, fine. But for the record… there’s a right way to do it, and I could show ya.”
You raised an eyebrow, biting back more laughter. “Oh, you’re gonna give me a lesson now?”
He nodded, dead serious. “Damn straight. Been around long enough to know what works and what don’t. Consider it… proper education.”
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and if u think that you’ll get away with plagiarising someone’s fic, then not only are you a jackass, you’re a stupid fuck too
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The Destiel Spreadsheet, aka how many times they say each other's names
every single episode from the beginning of season 4, how many episodes they have not said each other's names, everything nicely visualised!
screenshots under cut, in case you dont feel like opening google sheets ^_^
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People are judgmental. Some think they aren't, others don't mean to be, and then there are those who do it on purpose and simply don't care.
Parents are guilty of this.
Parents who pay you to teach their kids do this.
But the worst offenders?
Wives.
Particularly those with too much free time—gossiping Gertrude's who'd rather nitpick and judge than deal with the boredom of daytime TV and their kids screaming in the background. You’ve dealt with a handful before—a crack in the system that always rippled right under your skin whenever one of those vultures threw out a backhanded compliment.
“You’re so patient with the kids. I could never do what you do—how do you even manage?”
“Must be nice having all that time off during the summer. A little vacation every year, huh?”
“Teaching must be so rewarding. Though I imagine it’s not really about the money, is it?”
Each one, a subtle dig disguised as flattery, like they couldn’t help but twist the knife just a little deeper.
If there was one thing you’d learned about this job, it was to always kill them with kindness. The rumor mill among parents was ruthless, and the wrong rumor could ripple out and jeopardize your career. So, you’d mastered the art of the polite smile, the well-timed thank you, and the effortless small talk. It was a strategy that had served you well, keeping any overly curious mothers at bay.
Still, these women were relentless. They circled like hawks, always looking for an opening to pry into your life or make veiled comments about your parenting. You’d never given them the satisfaction of slipping up—until the day you almost did.
The sun was setting, the air brisk and tinged with the promise of winter as parents gathered their children. Little voices chattered away as teachers handed over day charts, neatly summarizing each child’s activities. Standing at the cubbies, you were bundling up Adira. Her small frame was snug in her sweater, jacket zipped up to her chin, and scarf tucked securely around her neck. She fidgeted as you worked, barely able to stay still with how much excitement bubbled in her tiny frame.
Her voice was high-pitched and animated as she launched into a story, her words tumbling over each other in her eagerness to share. “Messy man said, we play trains when he comes back!” she chirped, her dark eyes wide with delight.
You paused, your fingers lingering on the last button of her jacket. A soft smile tugged at your lips as you straightened her scarf. “Oh, did he now?”
Adira nodded vigorously, her curls bouncing. “Yep! He said, “Adira, we make the best train track ever!” Her imitation of Simon’s deep voice was laughably exaggerated, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.” We gonna play with the biiig track!” She spread her arms wide for emphasis, nearly toppling over from the effort.
The mention of Simon was enough to draw some attention from the other parents nearby. You could feel their eyes darting your way, their curiosity almost palpable. Simon’s occasional appearances to pick up Adira hadn’t gone unnoticed, and the whispers had already started. Who was this tall, broad man with a thick accent? Was he Adira’s father? A boyfriend? The air was thick with silent speculation.
Ignoring the countless eyes and ears listening in on your harmless conversation, you assured Adira. “Well, if messy man promised, he’ll keep it,” Simon had made it clear that he intended to be a constant presence in Adira’s life, and so far, he’d stuck to his word.
As you stood and picked up her small bag, a sharp voice interrupted the moment.
"Well, aren’t you just the picture-perfect little family?”
Your polite smile returned instantly, masking the irritation that flared at the condescending tone. Turning, you saw one of the daycare moms—Linda, if you remembered correctly—standing there with her perfectly manicured nails wrapped around her designer purse. Her son trailed behind her, nose buried in a tablet.
“Evening, Linda,” you said evenly, keeping your tone light. “How’s Ethan doing?
She waved a dismissive hand, her eyes already scanning Adira with that overly curious gaze that made your skin crawl. “Oh, he’s fine. But I couldn’t help overhearing... this ‘Messy man’ your little one mentioned. Is he... new in your life?”
Ah, there it was—the opening she was fishing for.
Adira, oblivious to the undercurrents of adult conversation, grinned up at Linda uncharacteristically, the joy she felt for Simon completely expunging her normal glaring behavior. “Messy man makes pancakes! But they go splat!” She threw her hands out dramatically, mimicking the chaos Simon often caused in the kitchen.
Goddammit, poor Adira revealed too much to the wrong person, and you could already see the cogs turning in Linda's head. Forcing a chuckle, you reached for Adira’s hand. “Messy man is her nickname for Simon, her dad. He’s stationed overseas, so she gets pretty excited when he’s home.”
Linda’s perfectly arched eyebrow lifted slightly, clearly surprised. “Oh, I see. Military man, huh? I suppose that explains why we’ve never seen him around.”
You gave Linda your most neutral expression, taking notice of the other moms matching from behind her. “He’s been busy, but he’s doing his best to be here when he can.”
"Oh, I see. I simply would've never guessed you were married. You never wear a ring," Linda remarked, her tone dripping with subtle judgment.
You knew what she was doing. It was a carefully laid trap, baited to catch you in a corner. If you rebuffed her comment, if you made a scene, it would only give her more ammunition to spread rumors. These women didn’t care for nuances; they thrived on gossip, and the topic of marriage—or rather, the lack of a visible wedding ring—would be a field day for them. They’d ride that horse straight to hell, and you'd be left cleaning up the mess.
With the growing number of parents in earshot, you understood that this wasn’t just a comment; it was a test. You had to choose your words carefully. It wasn’t just about keeping things smooth in the moment—it was about protecting your future.
You gave a small, practiced smile, maintaining your composure as you slipped Adira’s bag onto your shoulder. “I don’t wear my ring because I work with children. It could get caught in their hair, or worse, I could lose it.” You met her gaze with a calm confidence that bordered on dismissive.
“That’s understandable, dear. We all have kids after all!” Lina laughed, her tone attempting to sound warm and genuine, but it was too polished, too forced. The laughter rang hollow, like a poorly executed attempt to mask her true intentions. “Does this mean we’ll finally get to meet him at the fundraiser this weekend? We’ve all been here for so long, and not a single glimpse of your beloved other half. Right, ladies?”
Her words floated in the air, sharp with insinuation. The smile she wore was one of practiced sweetness, but the glint in her eyes was anything but kind. She knew what she was doing—attempting to pull you further into her web, hoping to get a reaction that would either reveal more or, better yet, give her ammunition to fuel the rumors she clearly wanted to start.
A few of the other women murmured in agreement, their eyes flicking from you to each other, already whispering amongst themselves. They were all waiting for a response, and the pressure began to build in the pit of your stomach.
“Yes, he is.” The words slipped out of your mouth before you could even process them, your own response surprising you as much as it did the group of wives surrounding you. You felt a jolt in your chest, your heart picking up pace as the reality of what you had just said began to sink in. What the fuck did you just do?
The laughter from Linda faltered for a split second, her eyes narrowing slightly as she processed your words. The others exchanged glances, some of their faces lighting up with an almost predatory curiosity, while others masked their thoughts behind polite smiles. You could almost hear the gears turning in their heads—oh, this was going to be something they could use.
The tension in the air thickened, and you suddenly felt exposed, as if every secret you’d carefully kept tucked away was now dangling on the edge of a cliff. You’d just handed them the perfect piece of gossip, but what would it lead to? Would they use it against you, twist it into something worse? You hadn’t planned for any of this—hell, you hadn't even planned on saying anything at all—but now that it was out there, you had to somehow steer this conversation.
You had to control the narrative, or risk letting it spiral completely out of your hands.
Your mind races, trying to formulate a response, but everything seems so loud—your thoughts, the laughter, the eyes watching you. How could you backpedal without it seeming like a lie? How could you walk that fine line between the truth and keeping your personal life hidden?
"Yes, Simon’s coming," you added quickly, trying to steady your breath. "But, you know... he’s not really into the whole fundraiser thing. He’s more of a stay-at-home guy, a bit of a quiet one, really. I’ll be there though, and we’re looking forward to it." You tried to sound casual, but the flicker of doubt in your voice betrayed you.
The women around you didn’t miss a beat, though. The moment had been set, and now it was only a matter of what they would do with the information.
“Well, I look forward to seeing you.” Lina’s voice was dripping with a false sweetness, and you could feel the weight of her gaze as she gave you one last look. Her eyes lingered a bit longer than necessary, as if trying to peel back layers, searching for some crack to exploit. Then, with a nod, she steered Ethan away, her entourage of women following closely behind, their chatter rising in the air like a distant murmur. The click of their heels echoed as they disappeared down the hall, leaving you standing there, frozen in place.
"And so, that's what happened," you finished, your voice trailing off as you leaned against the kitchen counter, trying to gauge Simon's reaction.
Simon blinked up at you from where he was sitting on the floor, his focus still mostly on Adira, who was happily arranging her toy train with her blocks, making a makeshift kingdom. He didn’t seem phased, just a little confused. "You want me to pretend to be your husband?"
The question hung in the air for a moment before he let out a chuckle, shaking his head slightly, his eyes filled with that familiar warmth. "Out of all the things I've done in my life, this has to be the funniest, love.”
You blinked, momentarily thrown by the unexpected nickname. It felt oddly intimate, a shift in the dynamic between you and Simon that you hadn’t anticipated. Love. It wasn't what you'd expected to hear from him, not in this context, not when everything felt so messy and uncertain. But there it was, slipping out so naturally from him, like he'd always called you that, like he'd been in your life much longer than he really had.
Your heart skipped a beat, the sound of Adira’s laughter in the background making the moment feel surreal. It should have been funny—this whole situation, with you essentially asking Simon to pretend to be your husband for the sake of those gossiping women. But instead, you felt something else, something soft and unfamiliar tightening in your chest.
“Did you just call me that?” You couldn't help but ask, your voice a little quieter than you intended.
Simon paused, his playful smile faltering for a second as he caught the look on your face. “I—yeah, I guess I did,” he replied, his tone a touch more uncertain now. He glanced down at Adira, who was happily stacking blocks at his feet, then back to you. “It was just a slip of the tongue. Didn’t mean anything weird by it.”
���I’m not exactly husband material, you know,” he added lightly, his voice teasing. “I’m more of a... messy man.”
You chuckled at that, shaking your head. "A messy man, huh?"
He nodded, grinning. “Yeah, but I’m good at it. Just ask Adira.”
Adira, hearing her name, immediately let out a squeal of approval. “Messy man!” she giggled, throwing a block in Simon’s direction, her tiny hand pointing at him with delight.
"So, what's the plan here then?" That easy grin back on his face, his eyes still dancing with humor, but there was something underneath it—something you couldn’t quite place. “You want me to just walk into a room and act like we’re a picture-perfect couple?”
The way he said it made you laugh a little, though there was a slight edge of uncertainty to it. You found yourself shifting uncomfortably, knowing you had no real plan for what came next. It wasn’t like you had a relationship with Simon beyond the occasional dinner and time spent with Adira, and yet, here you were, asking him to play a role in your life, one that might end up blurring lines you didn’t fully understand.
“Well, you don’t have to pretend, exactly,” you said, running a hand through your hair, suddenly feeling all the weight of the day settling in. “I just... I just need you to be there. You know, to back me up, to—” You paused, glancing over at Simon again. “I guess I just don’t want them thinking I’m alone in all of this. It’s bad enough that has already started.”
Simon’s gaze softened as he leaned back in his seat, watching you with a quiet understanding. "You're not alone in this," he said, his voice steady. “And I’m here. You don’t need a ring or a title for that.”
The sincerity in his tone made your chest tighten again, but this time it was different. His words weren’t a joke or a half-hearted attempt to make you feel better—they were real. He was offering something more than just pretending for the sake of others. He was offering his presence, his support.
For a moment, you forgot about everything else. The plans, the expectations, the pressure. Instead, all that mattered was Simon sitting across from you, smiling at you like you weren't asking for something too much, like it wasn’t strange to think of him in your life like this.
“Thank you,” you murmured. "Really."
He gave a small nod, then grinned, shifting his attention back to Adira, who had managed to get half the blocks stacked to an impressive height. “It’s nothing. Besides, I think Adira’s got the best part of this deal anyway.”
You glanced over at your daughter, who was watching both of you with wide eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. Adira was your source of strength, a beacon that pushed you forward, her smile alone gave you determination. “Alright, let’s figure out what married people do.”
"I know just who to call." Simon reached for his phone, the battered thing covered in scratches, an old case and sporting a broken screen from a hazardous drop. Upon seeing it, the first thought running through your head was, how the fuck was it still usable?
Price’s living room radiated warmth and history, a perfect mix of domestic coziness and military precision. The centerpiece was a sturdy stone fireplace, its mantle adorned with framed photos of Price and his wife, Melanie. In some, they stood arm in arm at scenic locations; in others, Price was in uniform, the edges of his cap sharp against the backdrop of distant skies. Above the fireplace hung a shadow box displaying medals and insignias, each one polished to a shine, speaking volumes about his service.
Bookshelves lined the walls, filled with everything from military strategy texts to well-worn novels. On one shelf sat a small globe and a model of a Spitfire plane, a nod to his admiration for history. A comfortable, overstuffed armchair, complete with a folded tartan blanket, sat near the fire. The coffee table bore faint scratches, evidence of years of use, and atop it lay an open newspaper, a mug of tea, and a small dish of biscuits.
You sat stiffly on the plush sofa, feeling distinctly out of place amidst this blend of home and honor. The ticking of a grandfather clock in the corner filled the silence as you watched Simon talk to Price in the adjoining kitchen. Occasionally, their eyes flicked toward you, and you pretended not to notice, your gaze wandering instead to a black-and-white photo of a younger Price standing with a group of soldiers, all grinning ear to ear.
The awkwardness of the situation weighed on you like a heavy blanket. This wasn’t exactly how you envisioned your day—asking Price, of all people, to help stage your fake relationship. But you were in too deep now to back out.
In the kitchen, Price rubbed his hand over his mouth, barely concealing the grin that tugged at his lips. A low chuckle escaped as he grabbed a cup of coffee, shaking his head at Simon, who stood across from him, arms folded, his expression far more serious than the moment warranted.
“You want me and Mel to help you two seem like a couple? That right?” Price’s voice carried an unmistakable note of amusement, his words tinged with disbelief.
Simon shifted his weight, rolling his shoulders back, clearly trying to maintain some semblance of dignity. "Yes, that’s the gist of it."
Price’s laughter broke free, a warm, hearty sound that echoed off the kitchen tiles. “Bloody hell, Simon. You’ve seen action all over the world, but this—this is what’s got you nervous?” He clapped a hand on Simon’s shoulder, his grin wide enough to light the room. “You’re in for a treat, mate. Melanie’s going to love this.”
From your seat, you caught Price’s amused glance, and you couldn’t help the way your face heated. This was going to be a long evening.
Price, still chuckling, crossed the room to the wide bay window, pushing it open with ease. The crisp evening air drifted in, carrying with it the scent of freshly cut grass and the faint hum of distant crickets. He leaned out slightly, cupping his hands around his mouth.
“Mel! Come on inside, love. You’ve got to hear this one,” he called, his voice carrying easily over the quiet of their backyard.
From where you sat, you caught a glimpse of Melanie in the garden. She was tending to a neat row of vibrant flowers, her hands gloved and a straw hat perched on her head. At the sound of Price’s voice, she straightened up, brushing dirt off her knees with a curious look on her face.
“Be right there!” she replied, her voice warm and lilting. She removed her gloves, tucking them into her apron pocket as she began making her way toward the house.
Price turned back to Simon, shaking his head in mock disbelief. “You better hope Mel doesn’t laugh you out of the house, mate.”
Simon groaned softly, rubbing his temples. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Price.”
Moments later, Melanie stepped into the living room, a radiant smile lighting up her face. She was the epitome of grace, her presence immediately softening the room’s atmosphere. Her gaze shifted between you, Simon, and her husband, her curiosity evident.
“What’s all this about, then?” she asked, removing her hat and setting it on a nearby chair. “You’ve got that mischievous look again, John.”
Price grinned, gesturing toward you and Simon. “These two need a favor, Mel. A big one.”
Melanie’s brows lifted as she looked between the two of you. “Oh? Do tell.”
Simon, looking equal parts determined and mortified, cleared his throat. “We... need help convincing a group of nosy parents that we’re married. Long story.”
Melanie’s smile widened as her eyes twinkled with amusement. “Oh, this sounds rich. Go on, I’m listening.”
You shifted in your seat, feeling the warmth of Melanie’s gaze settle on you. Her smile was kind but tinged with unmistakable amusement, and it was clear she was holding back a laugh as she took in your flustered state.
“Well,” you began hesitantly, clasping your hands together in your lap. “It’s a bit of a mess, really. One of the moms at the daycare cornered me, started asking questions about Simon, and… I might’ve let it slip that we’re married. Which we’re not. Obviously.” Your words tumbled out in a rush, and you glanced at Simon for backup. He was rubbing the back of his neck, caught between exasperation and amusement.
Melanie let out a soft laugh and gracefully sat down beside you on the couch. “Ah, I see. And now you need to sell the story before it falls apart. Oh, love, I’ve been in a similar pickle—not quite like this, but close enough.”
“See?” Price chimed in from his armchair, leaning back with an amused grin. “Told you Mel would get a kick out of this.”
Simon shot him a flat look. “Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, mate.”
Melanie waved a dismissive hand at Price before patting your knee in a reassuring gesture. “Don’t mind him. Now, let’s think this through. If you’re going to convince anyone, you need to act the part. People pick up on the smallest details—how you talk to each other, how comfortable you seem together. If you’re too stiff, they’ll see right through it.”
Simon leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as he nodded. “Alright, so what do we need to do? We’ve got about a week before the fundraiser, so I’m open to ideas.”
Melanie’s eyes lit up with a mix of mischief and determination. “Perfect. We’ll start with body language—how you interact without saying a word. And then we’ll move on to the conversational stuff. You’ll need to know each other’s habits, quirks, and all those little details married couples just know.”
Price clapped his hands together with mock enthusiasm, a cheeky grin plastered across his face. “Right, then. Let the awkward training sessions begin. This’ll be one for the books.”
You groaned inwardly, glancing between Simon and Melanie. This bizarre charade was only just beginning, and while you couldn’t imagine where it would lead, one thing was clear—you were in for a wild ride.
Happy new years friends! The holidays were a riot and I spent most of it spending time with family instead of writing as I felt kind of burnt out from writing in November, sorry about that but I hope this makes up for it.
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On this episode of Soap is definitely into omegaverse but doesn’t know it yet
He totally refers to you ovulating as you being in heat. Like he gets invited to go drinking with the taskforce and he’s like “Sorry, lads— ah’m goin’ straight home. My lady’s in heat,” he says with a stupid grin that makes you picture him with a wagging tail.
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"it wasn't a NAZI salute, he just did that because he's an awkward autistic poor little gamer boy:("
I will unmake you here in front of god and man.
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Sure, boss, I’d still be ya henchman if you was a woim
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#you put this post on the monsterfucker website and act surprised when the monsterfuckers show up#anyway would 100% fuck a vampire
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johnny soap mactavish who’s the g o d of after care
- likes to hold you close immediately after
- as in, you’re not going anywhere for 5 minutes, just gotta sit here under his weight and let him kiss your neck soothingly
- just wants to make sure you feel loved and cared for after he’s been especially rough with you
- cause although it feels good for both of you to be hard and fast, he definitely wants to take some time making sure you’re okay when winding down
- johnny’s also super sensitive but doesn’t wanna pull out just yet
- would argue this is better than the sex itself sometimes because of how close he feels to you
- will try to make you laugh while still buried inside you. try not to laugh too hard though or everything will slip out
- super handsy, rubbing them all over your body as if he hasn’t just finished. likes to touch you all over, 1. you just feel good but also 2. it’s soothing to him
- if he stays like this too long though, he’ll just start fucking you again. so it’s one or the other every single time. its usually that
- when he does pull out, it takes some convincing to get him off of you entirely, johnny likes to watch it all leak out of you, admiring your pretty body still. fills him with some sort of pride to see his work and effect on you
- gets up to get a cloth or a towel, something to wipe yourself with. sometimes he does it for you, likes to wipe you down softly, coming to rest himself between your legs once again
- throughly enjoys overstimulating you
- he’ll kiss up and down your soft thighs, over your slit, telling you what a good girl you’ve been for him
- his tongue collecting whatever the cloth missed, you’ll be squirming below him, trying to get away from him (fat chance) johnny just holds you down, making you take all the overstimulation until you’re all cleaned up
- forces his way through your legs and back up to your face where he brings his lips down to yours, kissing you and letting you taste yourself on your tongue
- 9/10 you two go again anyway
- he’s insatiable
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