#but it's good to have a label to refer to. makes things feel neat and organized where they really aren't

[o-wyrmlight]

Y'all ever think about how Harry would describe his own skills? Since in canon, they're never referred to directly by their names. Here's some random thoughts:

Intellect

Logic: Common Sense; Puzzlehead; The One Who Draws My Conclusions

Encyclopedia: The Book Brain; The Worldy University; The Footnotes In My Mind

Rhetoric: Nuance; Goldenmouth; The One Who Speaks In Gold

Drama: The Thespian; The Muse; The Method Actor

Conceptualization: The Wordsmith; The Textured Brush; The Hand Which Writes My Poetry

Visual Calculus: The Numbers; The Calculator; The Mathematician

Psyche

Volition: The Crown; The King; The Lord Of My Impulse

Inland Empire: The Dreamer; Inland Empire; The Root Of My Psyche

Empathy: The Bleeding Heart; The Lover; The One Who Resonates With Others

Authority: The Captain; Toxic Masculinity; Make Papa Proud

Esprit de Corps: The Bröderbond; The Blue Radio Static; The Spirit Of Mine Loyalty

Suggestion: The Tempter; The Planted Seed; The One Who Plays Along

Physique

Endurance: The Heart; The Lungs; Determination Made Flesh

Pain Threshold: My Punctured Flesh; My Mental Anguish; Know Thy Limits

Physical Instrument: The Coach; The Throne; The Instrument Of My Body

Electrochemistry: The Urge; The Impulse; My Starving Dopamine Receptors

Shivers: The Beloved City; The Streets; La Revacholiere In Her Entirety

Half Light: The Fight; The Flight; The Impulse To Survive

Motorics

Hand/Eye Coordination: The Aim; The Trigger; That Which Holds My Hand Steady

Perception: My Eyes; My Nose; That Which Lets Me See The World At Its Most Fundamental

Reaction Speed: Reaction Without Thought; The Hastened Instinct; The Pen That Drops From My Desk—I Catch It Before It Falls

Savoir Faire: My Style; My Disco; That Which Guides My Feet. Savvy.

Interfacing: My Hands; My Mechanical Desires; That Which Makes Me Tinker

Composure: My Spine; My Level Head; Face It Like A Champion

The Sum Of My Parts

Ancient Reptilian Brain: The Ancient Dread

Limbic System: The Primal Instinct

[strawberryamanita]

Ever since I had it spelled-out to me that "straight" is a reference to the phrase "on the Straight and Narrow", I feel like I've personally begun to understand this conversation of "who gets to be included" and "who is xyz enough" more fully.

And frankly, I don't wanna take part in it.

Queerness in the contemporary age is defined by who you are and who you like; yet, in a weird, backwards way, it feels more inclusive to be defined by who you aren't -- who you can't be.

If you're not on the Straight and Narrow, you're queer. If you don't fit within these ridiculously rigid parameters, you don't belong. That's the long and short of it.

Listen, I know how important all the different identities and flags and MOGAI are in the queer community, and I'm not saying any of them should be rid of or diminished or any of that. But I think it might do us some good to use our flags the way flags are usually used: to display unity, not individuality. Sometimes thumbing through all these different labels can feel freeing, but other times they can help us box ourselves in.

Lemme just get down to brass tacks: the infighting never stops around here. It just moves on to the next target. We all get a turn to feel isolated and alienated and ostracized; I can't think of a single combination of demographics who hasn't been discussed as someone to be shunned.

Othered by the Others. What a lonely thing.

The LGBTQIA+ community is not a club that requires membership and initiation and hazing to be accepted into -- or, at least, it shouldn't be. I'm so physically sick of all the hair-splitting, y'all. I've stopped caring about who you are or aren't and who you like or don't like and which chromosomes make you what and whether kink is a factor that should be looked at and all of this talk talk talk talk talk. What defines queer? If you're not cishet. That's it. If you aren't one of them, you're one of us. Straightness is the perfect cogs that fit in the machine, and queerness is all those funky parts that get discarded and end up at a rummage sale where they can be given a new life, as something more than just a failed cog.

And to those who are about to ask, "What about the queer people who are actively malicious towards others?": again, it's not a club. You can have clubs and groups within the community, as you have a right to protect yourself, but queerness isn't a title you earn with morality. A flag usually flies over a group of similar individuals -- if you can see in your own nation, within your own race/ethnicity/heritage, that people are shitty, then you have the capacity to see that people that share your identity can be shitty too.

And trust me: there are some shitty queer people out there. And there are some cishet people I would sooner entrust with my queer vulnerability and safety.

I have no neat-and-tidy way to wrap this rant up. We're all a bunch of degenerate, fiendish sub-humans to our governments, and every time we successfully chase away a law that's meant to disenfranchise us even further, we turn around and see another one being written.

It's like SpongeBob and that stupid closet of alarm clocks that Squidward took the time out to wind.

Unity is the word. Link arms with your queer siblings this June. Any time we deem someone not queer enough -- not misfit enough, not shunned enough -- we're doing the oppressors' work for them.

Let this be a Happy Pride, for once.

[archivalofsins]

In a funnier turn of events after getting that Mikoto post out I am feeling more comfortable discussing his character. It was really bugging me that I was perceiving the fandom as an unsafe space to discuss plurality on a two alter system basis. It never seemed appropriate to gush about it given the things I'd been shown being said.

Yet, I was really happy with Double and the Neoplasm voice drama. Because it showed how diverse dissociative identity disorder can be with just two alters. Instead of just doing the same old hi I'm the totally good one and I'd never hurt a fly and I'm sin incarnate sometimes I just do bad shit for the lols you know.

The thing that most media does when discussing that presentation. I don't know how to really tackle my own feelings on it. It's like most my life I grew up seeing it represented as oh no, the evil one is out. As though the person had been possessed almost. So, it was very refreshing to see it be like, "Oh well, they're both just people. No one is as simple as just good or bad. They both have a variety of behavior."

It's something that should by now rightfully be expected when it comes to that sort of representation of it. Yet when it comes to two people always focus on the duality. The light and the dark the good and the evil. They try to separate all nice in neat like that without really focusing on the individuals. So, I was ultimately really pleased by Milgram. Though it could be because I'm more on the older side or just I gave up on looking for good representation and started avoiding anything thar covered it in middle school.

Honestly, I still avoid things that deal with it outside of Milgram. Simply out of habit of thinking, man, is it gonna be this shit again? How do I know it's not that shit again? Oh well, you gotta watch it, of course. I'm not doing that. I don't trust it. Yet with Double, there were just so many great things about it that really made me go.

Yeah, they get it. This is actually great. I couod harp on the lyrics all day.

Like favorite lines were,

1. That'd be good.

With the lyrics before it and how it's enunciated with so much longing paired with the visuals of him wiping the blood to look down into the other end of the train. It really fucking goes hard as a line. Really embodying the whole come on praise me for helping you I did good right I saved you right so hey where's my thank you it'd be good if you said it energy.

2. Doesn't matter if you didn't wish for it, can't get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren't you? I'll protect you (us).

Just the enunciation the growl. It's just really good as if going oh you want to push me down well I'm not going anywhere.

3. "He's a liar," you said and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?

The fucking double meaning if this one line is just so got damn amazing. It's not only calling back to the ridiculous accusations lines in Double but discussing the audiences response to Mikoto. Calling him a liar claiming he was faking. But the second half is referring to the audiences reaction to John making him out to be a scoundrel immediately blaming the murders on him. Labeling him as the bad one without even a second thought. Only leaving him to ask why? Putting more meaning behind the line

4. Hey, I just wanted to save you, so why did it come to this? Cling to me hoist me up as your savior stand up and sing out your gratitude- So, why?

As though Mikoto is their asking why is your song like this you should be praising me. You should be grateful so why?

5. I don't remember a thing it couldn't be helped I'm Double (MeMe).

This line is super great because it's like John and Mikoto both claiming onus of their own songs. And John answering Mikoto's question about why his song is like this. Basically going it couldn't be helped I'm Double. Basically saying it was bound to turn out like this because I'm like this.

6. Why, why? If only I were never born, if only-

To me, this came off as John going. If only I had never been born at all, then neither of us would have existed, and this wouldn't have happened. Expanding on the idea that Es and Kotoko both bring up that his existence is the problem. Which most wouldn't immediately go they mean because of my disorder but go yeah fuck it you're right if I never even lived to begin with this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't even be here for this to happen and then the apology after these lines as if apologizing for having been born at its sooo good.

It has no right to be sooooo good. So, yes despite the incredible detriment that this week has been to my mental health and my anxiety literally being on a fucking hundred. Double has been the best fucking thing to ever happen to me personally. And it's so fucking amazing.

I love it so much.

[broodsys]

this has been on my mind a lot lately, so i'm going to talk a bit about "delulu" and why i'm so staunchly opposed to it

but first: i do not experience delusions. i prioritize own voices and personal experiences, so with that in mind, i'd urge people to seek out the opinions of actual delusional people. however, the general opposition is something i have seen delusional people discuss

delusions and delusional are actual experiences. they are symptoms of mental health conditions and are quite serious; as with all mental health symptoms, severity differs, so i won't say they're always miserable experiences or always fine ones, but they are symptoms.

they are not traits, they are not aspects of personality, they are not deliberately held beliefs - despite this, delusions are, of course, part of what and who a delusional person is. but you aren't delusional if you don't have delusions, y'know? it's not a characteristic

"delulu" specifically takes a real, psychiatric term and makes it into a joke. i'm going to address some of the arguments i've seen in favor of delulu now:

"it's not that serious" - well. but it is? language matters. how we communicate matters. we are a social species, and linguistic communication is our primary form of communication, whether verbal or written. the words we use matter.

"the way some people use delulu means something else" - this is kind of the exact problem. similar - but not the same, of course! - to how "gay" was a catch-all term to insult people with while i was growing up, where calling something gay meant it was stupid, illogical, pointless, etc., twisting the real term into something else dilutes the meaning and complicates the experiences of people with real delusions.

(note before anyone jumps down my throat about this: i am in no way pathologizing sexuality here, i am simply making a comparison that might hit closer to home for queer but neurotypical people. i am also aware of the history of pathologization of sexuality and am not trying to make light of it. comparisons are useful, but can be complex; i hope you'll all take this as intended)

but i'm using it to refer to actual delusional people and experiences! - okay, well, first, i don't think that makes it any better. if an actual delusional person wants to call themselves delulu, i'm certainly not going to object, but to have someone else come in and slap the label onto people is bad for a number of reasons.

1) armchair diagnoses are never a good thing, really, there's no good version of this,

2) whatever one's intent is, the impact can serve to reinforce the confusion around the term, and

3) whatever one's intent is, the impact can serve to alienate the people around you who experience delusions or other stigmatized symptoms.

simply put, if you use it, you contribute to the social distortion of the term, and you make it harder for neurodivergent people to trust you

this tedtalk ("How Gen Z's 'delulu' culture impacts their reality"), which is genuinely really interesting and i'm not condemning at all, explores that part of the utilization of the term amongst Gen Z is based in their current reality feeling completely untenable.

thus, "i'm delulu" becomes less about true delusions and more about maintaining hope when the world around you seems hopeless.

first, i understand this pov. second, the tedtalk presenter understands this pov, but also gently encourages people away from it.

this perspective also serves to pathologize hope, which i don't think is particularly healthy for the people using delulu to describe themselves in this manner. so really, everyone loses with this.

to make some comparisons:

the r-word was widely used when i was growing up as an insult (and is still in use today, for that matter). for people who are diagnosed in this way, or who were previously, the term has gained a lot of unnecessary baggage and complexity, its actual meaning being diluted

saying someone who is neat and tidy is "so OCD" also dilutes the meaning and nature of the condition. this is one where i do speak from experience, as i have OCD and genuinely do not even want to admit that or say the acronym or name anymore because of how deeply it's been made into a one-dimensional parody of what it truly is

feeling that a person is truly a bad human being and calling them a psychopath or sociopath has so deeply distorted these actual psychiatric terms that it's not only complex but can be actively dangerous for someone who is so diagnosed

and, again speaking from experience, borderline personality disorder is another deeply stigmatized disorder. my therapist and i agreed that i have it, but we also agreed that it would be safest to not diagnose it, because if i was ever hospitalized i would likely be subject to psychiatric abuse and/or negligence. people with bpd are described as toxic monsters, as stalkers, as violent abusers; people who are violent abusers are often armchair diagnosed with bpd.

but i really want yall to sit with this for just a second: my therapist knew that this disorder remains so stigmatized within her field that she did not want to diagnose me with it, even tho i have it. to have that diagnosis might endanger me. a large part of this stems from the distortion and corruption of the term to mean something else, to apply only to a certain type of person who makes certain choices, as a catch-all term for someone who's abusive and irredeemable. and it's far from the most stigmatized disorder out there!

all this is to say, the path from "casually" distorting the meaning of a specific psychiatric term to actively harming the real population who experiences that disorder or symptom is not hypothetical; it is real, it is recurrent, and it is profound and insidious. i could keep listing villanized mental disorders or symptoms, but this has already gotten quite long, so all i'll say is that there are many, many others i have not discussed here

you might feel that "delulu" is innocuous. a silly meme. or you might agree with the tedtalk presenter's pov, that it's meant to uplift people who are experiencing profound uncertainty, a rejection of the fatalistic view of reality for a more hopeful, optimistic one. but memes are not always harmless, jokes are not always harmless, and i truly believe that individuals are capable of saying what they mean rather than hiding behind very loaded terminology

so i just want to end by saying... if nothing else, don't personally use delulu. it's not going to be a big loss to retire one very new term from your vocabulary

[redstringraven]

probably not important to anyone but me, but i'm becoming increasingly convinced that traximus is a 1w2 like leo. which delights me for a number of reasons.

firstly, in that it shows off the whole comparison of the core types to colors. there may be an infinite variations of the color 'red', but they are still variations OF red. you might not see the immediate similarities between leo and traximus at first glance; i think most folks are likely to group raph and traximus together (which DOES make sense, of course, given they spend more time directly interacting in-series). but leo and traximus both have a powerful sense of justice and service. they both have a temper. they both want to do what's right, they have an ability to organize, and others are willing and eager to follow them. and they both go through a period of severe, consuming depression that warps their sense of motivation and purpose. i'm simplifying this a lot because this is more a stream of consciousness post than one of my giant analysis posts or whatever; if it feels vague, that might be why and i apologize jkfldsg.

secondly, leo was the one who 'got through to traximus'. he was IN his own "season 4" headspace when we meet him below the gladiator arena, all doom and gloom. "mister sunshine", i believe is how raph refers to him. that is until leo spared his life and then extended a hand to help him back to his feet (cue me vibrating through the floor for reasons that only make sense to me due to comic that only exists in my head right now). this turn-around happened a lot 'faster' than leo's s4 arc buuuuut that's the life of a minor character compared to a main character. still, i'm happy to work with scraps. it's part of my brand.

thirdly, i like how you may at first think traximus is more of an 8 like raph is--maybe because the anger he has is more on his sleeve than leo's or he spends more time with raph overall. but traximus's "visible" anger and confrontation makes sense for him, as the thing he's angry about is not only active and worsening, but he's also an adult. he's had more time to know that this anger he has isn't "bad"--that he should be mad about this, actually, and he can turn that anger into something productive. he doesn't go out of his way to hide it or identify it as anything else (there's also obviously cultural/nurturing differences here, as well). leo, still a teenager, is likely still prone to labeling his anger as 'less bad' things ("i'm just trying to get it right" or "i'm not mad, i'm just trying to understand"). he's also grown up hearing how master splinter talks about raph's anger, and likely feels a stronger need to hide or disguise his own.

note to self: trax and leo should have a conversation at some point. because i said so. i think it'd be good for both of them, but especially a little enlightening and maybe even further healing for leo.

but ye, this has been me chattering about something i've been thinking about that makes me happy. i just think it's neat. and i like that the fact raph and traximus get along so well kind of gives us a taste of what his interactions with leo--when the pressure's off or it's just the two of them chilling--may be like.

[inkbirdie]

words to use that don’t demonize personality disorders!

It seems that it’s becoming more and more common for people to label others and others’ behavior as “narcissistic”, “psychopathic”, “sociopathic”, etc., especially on platforms like TikTok, where lingo spreads quickly. People associate negative qualities with these real disorders and use them to criticize or insult other neurotypicals. These words are used as a way to instantly show that someone is a “bad” or “evil” person. In reality, having a personality disorder does not make you a bad person at all! It is damaging to these communities to continue spreading this dangerous rhetoric. People with these conditions are already more likely to experience abuse and ostracization along with the mental health issues they may go through. 

So, this is my list of words or phrases that people often mean instead of naming a condition. You can use these instead of referring to a personality disorder like the ones above and more. Feel free to add your own words! (Note: I do not have any of these conditions. Please correct me if I say something incorrect or offensive!)

This is a pretty long post, so I’ve put everything below the cut.

Crazy/Insane: These words aren’t truly connected to any specific disorder, but are still used to hurt people with personality disorders. They are very ingrained into our vocabulary and can be hard to remove. I’m currently working on it myself!

What you mean: wild, ridiculous, unlikely, wack, strange, odd, absurd, silly, preposterous, ludicrous 

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): People often use phrases like “I’m/that’s so OCD” to indicate someone/thing that is clean or organized, sometimes to an extreme. 

What you mean: organized, clean/cleanliness, neat, hates mess, hates germs, healthy, coordinated, sanitized, tidy, orderly

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): People usually are referring to this disorder when they say words like “sociopath(ic)”, “psychopath(ic)”, “psycho”, and “psychotic”. This is used to indicate general “badness” and can be used to describe someone who has committed violent actions.

What you mean: violent, oppressive, unfriendly, mean, rude, unsympathetic, unkind, cold, unlikeable, bully, brutal, ruthless, murderous, cruel, barbaric, savage, harsh, threatening

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): I’ve seen this one all over recently. People use “narcissist” to instantly paint someone as a “bad” person. They usually use this term when the person is manipulative and/or egotistical.

What you mean: manipulative, egotistical, self-obsessed, uncaring, callous, calculating, devious, has ulterior motives, controlling, selfish, vain, shallow, self-centered, conceited, full of themself

Schizoid Personality Disorder: This one is hard to characterize, as “schizophrenic” is used to describe many types of behaviors. It is generally used to refer to someone they think is “crazy”. 

What you mean: unpredictable, irrational, illogical, eccentric, senseless, raving, raging, distraught, wild, frenzied

The R Slur: This harmful term is falling out of favor as the autistic community continues to advocate against people using it. People who still use it are usually aware that it is not a good word to use. However, I thought I’d include it anyway.

What you mean: autistic (if the person in question is genuinely on the spectrum, autistic is a perfectly fine label to use), disabled (same note), off-putting, abnormal, atypical, unusual, not going along with societal norms, bad decision, disagreeable, irregular, peculiar, out of the ordinary, bizarre, uncommon, unexpected

Bipolar Disorder: People usually use “bipolar” as a way to describe someone who has mood swings or is acting irrationally. They may also say things like “maniac” or “maniacal” to mean the same thing or to indicate violence. 

What you mean: irrational, illogical, moody, acting strange, unreasonable, silly, senseless, foolish, absurd, impractical, volatile, inconsistent, erratic, unreliable, temperamental, fiery, emotional, impulsive

Many of these terms are used as synonyms but have slightly different connotations for people who misunderstand these conditions. Sometimes people refer to others as “borderline” (borderline personality disorder [BPD]) to mean the same thing as “psychopath” or “bipolar”. Meanings can fluctuate and mean many different adjectives. Please use words and phrases like I have listed instead of continuing to stigmatize and demonize these real human beings who are completely deserving of love, respect, and dignity. Add your own words that you like to use (my favorite are wild and ridiculous) in the notes! 

[lilypadlys]

Burn For You

First in what's hopefully a series of Dewdrop/Reader oneshots under the title, Burn With Me. Very little overarching plot, just a bunch of fun little scenarios. I think he's neat alright? Will include fluff and smut (will be labeled on the post)

Summary: Dew finds his hands full of a crying sibling of sin and has to try his best to comfort them. They both discover there's more to their relationship than they originally thought…

Ship: Dewdrop/Reader

Word Count: 1,545

Rating: General Audiences, SFW

Tags: fluff and angst, love confessions, idiots in love

A/N: Reader is referred to as Y/N and no pronouns are specified. This one is fluff with a bit of angst. Starts with some fighting but ends with fluff and cuddles.

AO3 or below the cut.

Dew knows you’re standing out in the hall steeling yourself. He just waits, taking pride in the knowledge that he can be a pain to deal with. It was part of the game. When you finally rap on his bedroom door, he gives a bored, “What?” without turning away from the TV. When you let yourself in, he doesn’t so much as bat an eye.

“Hey Dew,” fatigue and annoyance are evident in your voice. Dew isn’t paying attention though. “Sister Imperator sent me to tell you that-”

“Do I look like I give a shit?” He snorts playfully and rolls his eyes.

You sigh and try again. “She told me to remind you that your new costume fitting is tomorrow.”

“Okay? So?”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. You’re not in the mood for this today. “So, please remember to show up. I had to reschedule the last one because you forgot.”

“Fine. Whatever." He says boredly. "I don’t see why this is necessary though. I mean, wasn’t the first time good enough?”

“Don’t give me that!” You snap, your flat, tired tone becoming a snarl. “If you hadn’t set the last uniform on fire, there would be no need for a new fitting.”

He turns his head at that. “Alright, geez. Keep your pants on.”

“One-thirty. In my office.” It’s not a question. You turn to leave but Dew is determined to bait you further.

“You doing alright, Y/N?” Dew throws out nonchalantly. “You look like hell. I’m not sure my appearance is the one you should be worried about.” He was looking for a friendly game of cheeky insults. You had thick skin and were one of the best at matching him quip for quip. You normally met his bait by rolling your eyes and throwing it right back at him. His jaw nearly hits the floor in shock when, instead of snapping back, tears well up in your eyes.

“Wha?” He gapes.

“Really?” You’re incredulous. “I can’t with you.” You turn and stomp out the door.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean-”

“Fuck you!” You slam the door behind you and storm off.

Dew is at a loss. He feels terrible. He should have realized to back off. You had lacked your normal playful snark and you seemed exhausted. If your tone wasn’t enough of a clue, the dark circles under your eyes gave it away. He had been told many times that his inability to think things through before acting would get him into trouble. He hadn’t listened.

Obviously.

“Well I’m already screwed.” He mutters. He yanks open his door and runs after you before anything like better judgment kicks in.

Dew catches up just in time to see you slip into your office and firmly shut the door. He hesitates outside, unsure. He wants to apologize, but how? With the ghouls, arguments could be explosive but were settled just as quickly. Offering physical reassurance like back rubs or cuddles paired with an apology was enough to smooth most things over. But would that work for you?

Dew knew that humans could be quite skilled at holding grudges and he didn’t want to risk making the situation any worse. Were you someone that preferred to scream it out or did you need space? He’d obviously hit a raw nerve. Was it too late to make it up?

For better or worse, his need to act takes over and he finds himself knocking on your office door. Immediately he curses, already regretting his impulsiveness.

Inside, you’re sitting at your desk, head in hands. You rub at your eyes, wiping away the tears. You’d already been having a bad day, why did Dew have to go and make it worse? You know he didn’t really mean it. He often said whatever was on his mind but not with the intention of hurting anyone. At least not you. He’d been looking to get a rise out of you to start an easy teasing match. Nothing more. Today though, it was the last straw that pushed your tears over the edge.

When you hear the knock, you stand and brush yourself off. You figured another sibling, clergy member, or even Sister Imperator needed something. It wouldn't do to look a mess in front of them. You open the door and are none too happy to see your current pain in the ass darkening your doorway. To his credit, Dew looks quite remorseful. Still, you have to fight the urge to slam the door in his face.

“What do you want?” You spit.

Dew can’t seem to get his tongue working. You almost do slam the door before he rushes forward and wraps his arms around you. Shock takes the place of your anger.

“Dew?”

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He whispers. The ghoul seemed to have gathered his courage. “I-it was meant to be a joke. You don’t look bad. I mean, you’re gorgeous and-! Uh…shit.”

You both balk. You at the unexpected compliment. Dew upon realizing that he indeed just called you gorgeous. Out loud. To your face.

“D-Dew?” You sputter. He just buries his blushing face in your chest. “Lord below, Dewdrop!”

He glances up, looking remarkably like a scolded puppy.

“It’s okay! You just caught me at a bad time. Uh…umm…”

“I’m sorry!” He says again as he steps back stiffly. “Eh, are you doing okay?” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at the floor.

You sigh, and some of the friendly sass you employ with him creeps into your voice. “You serious?” When he blanches you add. “Yeah, I’m fine. I mean. Ugh…no, not really.” Tears prick at your eyes all over again. You hurry to wipe them away, but Dew stops you.

“It’s okay. Let it out.” He soothes, remembering what Cumulus says to comfort him sometimes. He even manages to sound calm, although his expression betrays his panic. He gulps and does the one thing he knows to do and hugs you again.

This time you lean into the hug and allow yourself to cry. Dew just holds you as you sob. You feel him crank up his body heat and the warmth soothes you.

“Shh. It’s okay.” He purrs in your ear. He starts rubbing your back, the physical reassurance seeming to be helping.

Eventually he lets go, only to guide you to the love seat along the wall. You let him steer you over and you sit. As soon as you do, he perches beside you and resumes rubbing your back. You rest your head on his shoulder and he nuzzles the top of your head.

Your tears begin to peter out and your breathing slows and deepens. Once you can speak again, you hum, “Gorgeous huh?”

Dew squeaks. “I-uh-well-”

“You’re not bad looking yourself Firefly.” You sit up to peck him on the cheek. You roll your eyes as his gray cheeks turn lavender. “Also, you make a really good pillow.” You lay down and rest your head in Dew’s lap. He starts to play with your hair and massage your scalp. The feeling of his claws lightly scratching your head has you yawning.

“It’s okay. You can sleep.” He hums.

You know you have work to do, but you’re so tired. “Mmm.” You close your eyes.

Across the abbey, the rest of the ghouls are organizing a search party. The reason? No one has seen hide nor hair of Dew for at least thirty minutes, so of course he’s up to something. Probably arson. Aether starts to pace. After “the incident” it had become an unspoken rule that someone must always know where Dew is and what he’s up to, at all times. Neither Swiss nor Sunny, Dew’s usual partners in crime, have any clue where he is. Aether is getting worried.

Not wanting to invoke Sister Imperator's wrath on the basis of something expensive being destroyed, the ghouls split up to search the ministry. It’s Rain who finds Dew, or rather both of you. He regroups everyone to tell them. When none of them believe him, they all return to your office.

“Aww!” Sunny coos pointing at you and Dew. You’re fast asleep in his lap. He’s been resting his eyes, head leaned back against the wall.

“Told you.” Rain grins.

“So there you are.” Aether shakes his head and smiles.

“Somebody take a picture.” Mountain chuckles.

“Will you all shut it?” Dew hisses, gesturing at you. You start to stir and Dew glowers at his pack mates.

Aether rolls his eyes and walks over. He gently pats your shoulder before sliding his hands under your back to help you sit up. “C'mon. Let's get the two of you to bed.”

Dew doesn’t stop grumbling about the interruption until the two of you are firmly ensconced in the center of a ghoul pile on the common room floor.

“This has gotta be more comfortable than the wall.” You reason. Ensconced in pillows, blankets and the warmth of the purring ghouls around you, you're already drifting off again.

Dew relents and nods. “Yeah.”

You snuggle into his chest and he holds you in his arms tighter.

“Love you Dew.”

He kisses your forehead. “Love you too Y/N.”

[drac-onion]

"I made this!"

So I have a bit of an unhealthy relationship with art.

I would never call myself an artist, but I would never disparage someone for doing the exact same thing I do and then call themselves an artist. An artist, to me, is someone who makes art. Simple as. Sure, you could more minutely define it as someone who makes a living from art, but you could also argue that the specificity of that would fall under whether or not someone calls themselves a professional artist. Meaning that they do it as their profession. (IE: a paid occupation, usually involving prolonged training and/or formal qualification.)

So, by that rule, I'm an artist because I make art (sometimes), but not a professional artist, because I don't make a living from it.

I suppose I could call myself a writer, too, but let's not get too into the weeds on etymology and labels. I'm some rando that makes art (sometimes) and writes (sometimes, and I even post sometimes too! [keyword: sometimes])

I'm pretty apprehensive about posting things I've made because of weird vulnerability I feel around it. Cuz like, I tried my best (or maybe its just a quick n dirty something or other for a laugh) and now that thing is going to be out for anyone to see? Spooky.

Well, I'm going to try to change my mindset and post things that I made cuz I made them, and if other people see them, great. If not, then it's for me to look back on anyway. It's not about likes or reception or anything. Just for me to look back on. It's just a scrapbook that I just so happen to put somewhere for others to look at if they want.

I recently went through my PC and located everything I've ever made and put it one spot. It's organized by year, and it was kind of wild to see how far I'd come in some regards.

There's some pictures I took of my sketchbook from when I was following Mark Crilley's art tutorials. Some attempts at pixel art (some of which aren't half bad, tbh) and some sketches I made in that old Sketchbook app for android. I actually had to hop on my old deviantart for some of it (oof) since I couldn't find the original files. They're probably on an old laptop somewhere, but I couldn't be bothered to pull the hard drive and dig for it.

I can really pinpoint my artistic motivations and pursuits in each year.

2013: Pixel art (just the worst pixel doubling and uniform outlining, yikes!)

2014: Traditional art and youtube tutorials, along with some pixel art here and there)

2015: I could only find one drawing from 2015 (had to grab that one from facebook...YIKES) and its a not-too-shabby drawing I did from reference.

2016: Following along with a Bob Ross episode in Mario Paint. This one actually looks really good. Maybe I'll post it one of these days, cuz it's kinda neat.

2017: Bought a drawing tablet with the money I made from working. Downloaded Sai and tried drawing from figure references. Some of it is really bad, but some of it shows an understanding of figure, which is kind of impressive in hindsight.

2018: Some more Bob Ross pixel art. I followed along with the same video as in 2016, but in Aseprite (the demo, so I only have a screenshot of the finished product because you can't save in the demo) and damn, it's still one of my favorite things I've ever made in Aseprite. Especially for only being 4 colors (GB green palette)

2019: Some more Sai stuff. Probably all done in the same session, but it's not the worst I suppose. I'm pretty inconsistent when it comes to focusing on art. I tend to get pretty distracted when I'm not immediately good at something. (And now I know why, although hindsight is 20/20)

2020: Uh? Couldn't find anything from 2020. Given what occurred that year, that's not all that surprising TBH.

2021: Some music I made and a doom level I made. This was sort of my intro to making levels for games. We had to make a game pitch for a school project and I went all out on making a demo. I think I clocked my hours and it was well over 40 hours put into the level alone. Made a custom weapon sprite any everything. It's pretty cool.

2022: My intro to working in 3D and making youtube videos. I started in Gmod, making simple animations, before eventually swapping to SFM for stills. Then a friend asked why I didn't just learn Blender instead, so that's what I did. If you know me from twitter, then you've probably seen these. They're NSFW, so maybe don't go digging if that isn't what you're into. That was sort of where my unhealthy relationship with social media and art began, because I started focusing a lot on views and likes and reception for things instead of just making things I wanted to make. (Mostly because I was surrounded by and learning from actual professionals, who do it as like, a job.) Sure there were things I made because I wanted to make them, but for the most part, I was going for the popular thing and wanting to "get big" at the time. Cringe, I know. Such is life. You live and you learn. Some of the best I made during this time was cuz I wanted to make it, and those are the ones I'm most proud of to this day.

2023: Burnout city! Unemployment will do that to you. Sure I worked on some stuff here and there, but I really burnt the hell out. Ended up working on some Doom levels and some little things here and there. Making a titlecard for a friend's youtube video, a cover art for a HM2 level, finishing my second reload animation, and a couple blender things. 2022 felt so productive in comparison, where did it all go wrong? (Oh yeah, the weird obsession with views. Right.) Then I got into writing that summer and I've sort of kept up with it. AO3 says I wrote 93k words that year, so that's not nothing. (I promise I'm working on another big project. It's just...hitting some creative snags. Again. Such is life.)

2024: The current year. I'm...trying to get back into making things for me. Writing things because I would read it. Drawing things that I would look at, or that I find interesting. Once again, I'm sort of trying to game my attention problems by not focusing TOO hard on one thing at a time. Otherwise I'd never finish anything, and while I'm not concerned about having things to post to social media, it does feel good to look back and see things you've actually finished. It's better to finish something and have it be like 50% of what it could have been than never reach 100% and then it just lives on as a reminder of your inability to finish things. I'd rather call something done and move on than obsess for ages over "what could have been." Or maybe I'm just waffling because I'm still trying to shake my weirdness. Bah. Some stuff I make might never see the light of day, but that's kind of a shame. I like making things and sharing them with other people. It's fun.

That's really the operative word of this whole ramble.

Fun

I do things because it's fun. I should want to do things because they're fun. Of course that's easier said than done when you have my specific brand of brain problems, but ya gotta catch the wind in your sail when it blows, right? (If that even makes sense.)

So yeah, here's hoping that this weird ramble convinces me to post things. Not because I want to get clicks or likes or engagement. But because I want to remind myself of how fun it was to do.

Like that Kolibri doodle I posted yesterday was something I did for fun. I though it'd be fun to do, so I did it. Simple as.

So here's to fun. Let's do stuff for that, and forget about clicks. I'm doing it for me. If you happen to like it, then more power to you. But I wanna have fun for me.

Yeah.

(Watch me then never post anything because my interests have waned and I hyperfixate on something else and then have to look at this post in a few months and cringe at the thought.)

But hey, nobody else is reading this anyway.

Right?

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022: #25 - #21

25. ARMENIA

Rosa Linn - “Snap”

20th place

Overall placement: 50/79

[Above The Black Mamba, below James Newman]

Ugh, Fine. 

Time to finish this ranking turbo style! So yeah, I’m not impressed with The Biggest Eurovision Hit, which I suppose is a controversial opinion? Then again, if Rosa was so good, then why did she only make it 20th place, hmmm? 🤔🤔

When Rosa’s song leaked it sounded exactly like the type of song you’d expect  DMGP to commit murder for: a frivolous, cheery pop welterweight (which somehow has the same cadence as I’m Alive by Elhaida Dani) thats easy to listen to and doesn’t get in the way of stanning better things. 

At Eurovision, this was Rosa’s exact journey. She was a cute presence that was vaguely liked, and her staging supported this. (despite the staging mishaps, still pretty neat!) Don’t know what all the references in the lyrics are about, but we can pretend it added some depth and meaning, Into 20th place she went, which was a fair result for what her lovable random self brought to the table. 

Then, she went viral on TikTok, which honestly is more of an  “eww” than a “good on her” i m o. Okay, look, it defo does not surprise me that out of the entire 2022 catalogue this song became the viral one. TikTok viralness is a horrible metric for musical quality though. “Snap” works as a TikTok song specifcally because it doesn’t syphon attention away from whatever brainfart nonsense TikTokkers force on their feeds for a living. If you want a backing track to your “Make mac ‘n’ cheese by dumping the ingredients on a marble countertop” silliness or your indie song-singing 101 Tutorial, might as well pick something like a Snap as the accompanying backing track.

Also, I always felt the record label behind Rosa Linn was a bit too eager to get A Big Kicker on their conto. Remember when Rosa -likely on urging from her mentor Tamar Karpelian- attempted to start a respectful discussion on Twitter (oh dear) about how wonderful NFTs were (oh dear) because they helped establish a base income for fledgling artists,like herself (oh dearrrr) without having to rely on her songs getting streams? (oh dearrrrrrrrr)Twitter gave their usual gaslighting-disguised-as-concern response which in turn forced Rosa issue a semi-confused, half-arsed apology for attempting to profit from her work. Okay that was kinda funny, but by Monika Liu’s  grown-out bob, Zoomer drama is the nuttiest drama, I swear.

Anyway, the aforementioned NFT shizzle, the association with Tamar’s Slytherin Evil, the TikTok viralness and the radio people’s sudden insistence that “Snap” was A Hidden Underrated Gem despite it being an inconspicuous 20th placer at Eurivision THAT NOBODY CARED ABOUT, and also the fact that Snap has five different versions (HER?!) all kinda hints at a certain ambition that just... taints it a bit for me. It just feels like Snap’s popularity didn’t develop itself naturally and but came about due to largely commercial and monetary reasons, after which the sheeple convinced themselves retroactively that it was secretly great and very underrated, since you know, influencers would never twist the truth to us for their own profit. 

Overall the song’s fine in a vaccuum. Underneath its base sheer lie values that my crusty millennial monroe ass doesn’t share. FARE THEE WELL, MISS LINN, YOU GO BYE NOW!!!

 -----------------------

24. CROATIA

Mia Dimsic - “Guilty pleasure”

26th place

 Decade placement: 47/79

[above The Roop, below Tusse]

Oh look, another vaguely pleasant, mildly likabable, and ultimately not very exciting middle-of-the-road pop melody. The cynic in you might think I’m ranking Mia ahead of Rosa because Mia didn’t go viral, and like always the cynic in you is correct! Hooray! 😁 Yeah sorry, in the ongoing battle of overrated vs underrated, it’s the correctly rated that always win :-) 

Still, like Rosa, Mia had the potential to be green on my ranking if she had cultivated a status as a fun random. TSwift IS a guilty pleasure of mine (except for her Midnights Era self which is unironically great) and while “Willow” is a part of the least exciting wing in Taylor’s musical library (ie: the part that isn’t crazed out through copium and/or severe neurosis), this bootlegged version was just cute enough to charm me.

Now of course, if your song is all about maintaining a certain level of delicate joie-de-vivre, it’s really important to not overdo the act and let the singer’s personal charisma carry it. Cue to the staging which looked like this:

What.

The.

Everlovin’.

Fuck?

There’s good staging and there is whatever the flyin’ fuck that was. Goodbye cutesie lounge vibe, goodbye charming performer, you’re completely overtaken by this overly choreographed, overtly dramatic and abrasive act that your song didn’t need. ONE dancer, NO acrobatics, how difficult is that to grasp, HRT? I’d be tempted to say the act was a cursed decision, but then realize Croatia’s frantic dance gremlins were probably the tipping point that allowed ~Systur~ into the finals, and any Eurovision final graced by those three earth angels has to count as a blessing. So thank you Mia for blessing us. ^_^ 

------------------------------------

23. GERMANY

Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

25th place

Decade ranking: 45/79

[Above Tusse, below Undisclosed]

It is very common knowledge that nobody likes Rockstars, and fine, I don’t! As insipid as “Rockstars” was though, I don’t think it was completely without redeeming qualities.Malik had a baseline charm and really went for it, I guess. 

The German Selection, which had adopted the very... um... optimistic name “Germany, 12 points” for the occasion, (optimistic even if we believe the conspiracy theory the “12 points” alluded to the total numerical amount ARD were aiming for in Turin <3) was one of the worst in a horrible NF season. I was fucking relieved it produced a winner I could (sadly no more than) vaguely enjoy. Not everyone has the panache of getting distracted by their own soap bubble bonanza. 

Also, the SPOKEN WORD RAP BREAK was exactly what my brain and soul -both high on copium after the Alina Pash withdrawal- needed at the time. It didn’t blow me away or anything, but it at least gave me something tangible to cling onto besides “well this is nice, i guess”. 

For the rest though, ::tumbleweeds::. I think people might have been a bit too bandwagon-y in their Malik Mockery cus like, yeah he’s clearly getting last, don’t make it worse? But then again... he brought very little to the table. Besides the spoken word it’s like... cursive singing (petition to rename this to “Cursed Singing”) and instruments displayed on moth-eaten rugs to get points, you know? It’s like Germany were deliberately telegraphing us to NOT vote for them, again. But that’s less on Malik and more on ARD’s incompetence, which is a discussion for another time. 

-----------------------------------------------

22. NORTH MACEDONIA

Andrea - “Circles”

27th place

Decade ranking: 44/79

[Above Malik, below Hurricane]

WE FINALLY MADE IT TO GREEN!!! Sadly we’re still in the No Man’s Land of VagueOpinionstan. 😣 

There is *something* about Andrea and “Circles” that resonates well with me? Is it the perfectly mimed frustration with a poorly communicating love interest? Is it the palpable resignation on her face as she helplessly bleats “u don’t wanna test my limits -_-”.

Maybe! What I do know is that I stan the critical amount of pure Sadsack Energy Andrea exhudes from every pore. 😍😍 I think she’s a contender for the most morose, Eeyore-ish person to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage? Reminder that this person won a selection  <33333 Andrea posseses a sort of theoretical anti-charisma that should render her unvoteable, and yet in practice just has me cling to every word crossing her lips. ALL SHE WANTS IS A HEALTHY CONVERSATION SO SHE CAN GET IT RIGHT AND FIX THE SITUATION, YOU GHOULS!!!

(and yes, the other Bubble favourite of floordrop sorcery making an appearance <3)

But then on top of that, Andrea also became A Highly Controversial Pick for NoMac!!!! Strangely not because she was an out-and-proud lesbian (although, an out-and-proud lesbian representing a toxic homophobe country from the Balkans <3333333) but because..... she dropped a wee plastic flag during the turquoise carpet. 

The toxic nationalists took it as HER DELIBERATELY TRAMPLING OUR MACEDONIAN PRIDE AFTER YEARS OF GREEK BULLYING. MRT even issued an official statement that they were CONSIDERING A WITHDRAWAL (with zero intention to actually quit of course) to appease the smooth-brained cunts until the quiet and expected NQ arrived. <3333333333

(knowing her misery was finally over, Andrea cracked a smile for the first time in her life <3)

This only enhanced Andrea’s Charlie Brown”-esque journey even more!! Just when Andrea looked like the token hapless last placer nobody loved, the results came in, and showed she *almost* made the final.  😍😍😍😍😍😍. If there’s one thing that horrible second semifinal should have done right and didn’t, is causing a NoMac qualification by means of fixed jury voting algorithms. Simply imagine the meltdowns over Andrea slaying Andromache AND Nadir. 😍 If only the EBU had the balls to NQ Azer on the spot, huh? Oh well, there’s always 2023 for that. 😈

----------------------------------

21. UKRAINE

Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”

1st place

Decade ranking: 41/79

[Above Fyr og Flamme, below Eden Alene]

ugh i forgot he yelled Mariupol and Azofstal at the end of that and wasn’t DQ’d on the spot! Instantly regretting I didn’t rank Ukraine even LOWER. 😫😫😫 (no, don’t think about how much better Stefania would be without him, don’t do it Bobo, consider your mental health -- inner monologue while writing the rest of this post.)

So yeah, after all this inconspicuous also-ran filler (i’m definitely including Snap in that group), I’m eliminating the winner, the biggest televote winner Eurovision have ever had. “Have you no respect, Boris?”, you might ask and well... would I be me, if I had any, lol? I came into the 2022 season with hot takes and mental fortitude and thanks to Shitvidi I’m all out of fortitude, so~

Cynicism and self-awareness aside, let’s get the big elephant out of the room: The war had virtually no impact on my ranking here. I despise politics at Eurovision, (mostly because politics always affect it, but Eurovision NEVER affects the politics back), so there are two options here: Either downvote Ukraine for bringing politics into the contest, or make an exception and turn a blind eye. I chose option two. Nobody can begrudge Ukraine for attempting to pretend that the worst armed conflict to have hit them since WW2 hadn’t broken them, so I won’t. No points added or deducted.  . 

I do have good reasons to not rank Stefania higher though. I think you already know where this is headed - Sorry (for YOU) if you’re a fan of his, but Oleh suuuuuucks. It started at Vidbir when he led a small mob against that poor envelope lady and it was all sorts of messed up? Entitlement and bullying tinged with toxic nationalism, there ain’t no better first impression to make, am i right?

And very unfortunately my distaste towards Oleh also extends to his on-stage presence which I find really fucking obnoxious. The concept of a “Charismatic Black Hole” was one I didn’t fully understand until I first saw Oleh Psiuk set a foot on stage. Does anyone TRULY like  his presence here? All his verses do is distract from the chorus and instrumental, which is awful because those bits fucking slap! Airlift him and his ugly-ass hat the fuck outta here. 

Okay, so the winning song is actually... pretty good. It is NOT great though. Stefania is a weaker, safer and more cis-het version of “Shum”, which is suboptimal. Counterpoint is that “Shum” was Peak Ukraine (Which is also Peak Eurovision), and remains one of the best entries ever, so a lesser replication of that is still enjoyable overall. It made Ihor Didenchuk (who is also in Go_A) a Eurovision laureate! It kinda sucks the fandom didn’t come through at a time when Ukraine had, you know, an actually charismatic lead, but I suppose the power of love Damiano-induced boners does conquer all.

On the flip side, Ihor’s and Tymofii’s contributions are so good that they almost fully balance Oleh’s deteriorative and hammy rapping. Tymofii carries Stefania with his spot-on chanting and preposterous flute playback shenanigans. 

Ihor meanwhile just has a good time on the stage, disguised as one of the two Cousin It-like entities <3 Add in some tasteful staging and hell, even the fact that this song is in essence an ode to someone’s (You Know Who’s) actual mom, (and not  the forced, cringe, jingoistic metaphor it later became) and you have an entry that definitely makes sense as a jury fourth placer and top fiver overall.

Now obviously, I would have preferred for Ukraine to not win because they were not the best option (not by a mile!), and ofc also because I hate their lead, but I’m not fully broken up that they beat my faves. Sometimes there are powers at work beyond our control and that’s fine. Not everything in life must be catered to our tastes. Ukraine are the best Eurovision country, and it doesn’t matter how or when they catch up to (and pass) Ireland and Sweden, as long as it happens during my lifespan. 🤷‍♀️

Still think Pinkbucket’s a thuggish little punk though. Prayer circle that the next time Ukraine win, it’s with someone actually worth stanning. 🙂

CONGRATULATIONS TOP 20!!!

ALBANIA - AUSTRIA - CZECH REP - ESTONIA - FRANCE -

GEORGIA - ICELAND - IRELAND - LITHUANIA - MALTA -

MOLDOVA - THE NETHERLANDS - PORTUGAL - ROMANIA - SAN MARINO -

SERBIA - SLOVENIA - SPAIN  - SWEDEN - UK

THE RANKING 

21. UKRAINE - Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”

22. NORTH MACEDONIA - Andrea - “Circles”

23. GERMANY - Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

24. CROATIA - Mia Dimšić - “Guilty pleasure”

25. ARMENIA - Rosa Linn - “Snap”

26. CYPRUS - Andromache - “Ela”

27. LATVIA - Citi Zeni - “Eat your salad”

28. DENMARK - ReDDI - “The show”

29. BULGARIA - Intelligent Music Project - “Intention”

30. GREECE - Amanda Tenjford - “Die together”

31. POLAND - Ochman - “River”

32. MONTENEGRO - Vladana - “Breathe”

33. FINLAND - The Rasmus - "Jezebel"

34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you”

35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana”

36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same”

37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry”

38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black”

39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi”

40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

[bayleaf-2]

Drew some art of the progression of Lyra's feelings about Ioun

But it's like 11 PM and I should sleep so I'm gonna post the art and make barebones captions/context, go to bed, and might just remake the post if i wake up, look at it, and go "voci. voci...voci thats not enough buddy"

With that in mind!

This is when Ioun apologized to Lyra after they were resurrected (they died in the Zehir fight) and (in my mind) the start of Lyra having. A closer relationship with her, or seeing her as more than just. (Because we legally cannot call Ioun our boss) the person in charge, hense why it's labeled "beginning." Their thoughts in that moment are general feelings of appreciation, surprise, and relief. Debated putting warmth in there as well. Probably too soon. Maybe. Idk!

Transcript: Lyra's dialogue reads "Tough!" which is what they said to the goddess of prosperity trying to offer them deals. Description reads "Loyalty to Ioun after she apologized."

Ioun apologizing combined with Emily inviting Lyra to stay with her once all of this was over (AUUUUUUUGH) pulled Lyra out of their mortality crisis, hence the design change! They're wearing old (aka Elion's) earrings and actually put effort into styling their hair :)

Transcript of the bottom one: Nerd <3 "I love her" (Connotation: I just think Ioun's neat :) ) "I need to apologize to her if we fail"

Nerd refers to this being the time where Lyra starts researching and interacting with the library. "I just think she's neat" is a reference to that one Marge meme. Point being the "I love her" is a casual declaration with no deeper feelings attached. "I need to apologize to her if we fail" is referencing this:

Now a disclaimer on that: I wrote that months ago and while the og idea still holds in that I was planning on doing it, I would absolutely tweak the wording now. Also that's from my writing server so the wording is mostly for me. in terms of what "today" and "everyone else didnt follow orders" means I think that was the Tiamat fight? Timing indicates it's Tiamat. I do not know what "orders" past Voci is referencing. It might be the deals thing. ANYWAY!!

General summary for that point: Closer but still not quite friends. That being said Lyra's more cheery around Ioun and seeking out talking to her just cause.

Transcript: Lyra thinking to themself "God I love her she's so cool" Description reads "Whale convo, which is almost directly post Vecna" (So Lyra is thinking that as Ioun's talking to them) and then the bottom one starts with "After Ioun leaves and they're just thinking" Lyra's thought reads "...Oh." with the description "Means [I love her] in a different way than before"

Squish! :) Congrats lil guy! You love her and now you gotta hide your feelings so you don't pressure her because that'd be really fucked up of you! Yeah that includes your thoughts! Good luck suppressing those! (HE FAILS. HE SLIPS UP SO MUCH I'M DYING TO TAKE PROPER NOTES ABOUT THAT SHIT YOU HAVE NO IDEA)

"Voci why is the 4th heart in the scale grey instead of black in the top one" Uhhh I'm not sure. I think it has to do with Lyra not really knowing what their feelings are?? Like it's vague and then once they're actually reflecting on it, they realize it's something more than just thinking Ioun's neat. Btw it's not clear in this shitty photo but Lyra is blushing.

Transcript: Ioun saying "I do care, by the way." Lyra verbally keysmashing in response, which is cut off by the tiny tiny page. Description reads "right after the trial".

We had a trial where Emily was trying to make a case about the wording of the curse so we wouldn't have to kill her and only temporarily banish her (and Ioun. And possibly the Raven Queen. And anyone else who ascended) outside of reality. It was a really formal court though so everyone was in like. Proper boring formal wear and Lyra went the safe route of going in a suit yes I know that collar looks scribbly I was drawing in front of a campfire okay

I??? This is hard to describe, but by this point, Lyra's feelings are deeper, like they weren't...flustered by Ioun before, at least not to the same extent, and now they are, if that makes sense. I hesitate to say their feelings got? Deeper or more intense, because the timing makes this extremely fucky. And also feels like I'm in the danger zone in terms of possibly using aphobic wording. So I'm just gonna hold off for now.

And there's another art I drew of. The dream conversation where Ioun and Lyra ended up holding hands for an enTIRE FUCKING HOUR but it wasn't finished and I think? That moment kind of speaks for itself? So I'll just. Leave that there and sleep now gn <3

Again apologies if huge chunks of this don't make sense this is one of those moments where the hyperfixation is just Taking the God Damn Reins and I Have To Show People This

[spectershaped]

I'm currently remembering a post I read here a while ago which postulated that the rise of "AI slop" could potentially end up making the presence of art critics and criticism more relevant than ever (if OP was optimistic, which, she noted, she was not). It's one of those many things where I don't really have a very neat opinion or rebuttal or appraisal regarding the opinion but it nevertheless fascinates me

I don't think everything regarding "AI", including generative models, is simply an extension of things that already exist (except insofar as everything which comes to exist is an extension, causal or random of what exists before it); certainly every form of technology has particularities that need to be taken into account. That said, it's hard not to see continuity with the way "slop" or "slurry" or "pap" or other culinary synonyms have long been used, way before AI or whatever, to refer to a particular torrent of cultural output which is deemed to be unchallenging and/or homogenous and/or halfhearted and/or slapdash due to the author(s)'s opportunism and/or clout-chasing and/or stupidity and/or complacence and/or material strictures and thus, if not necessarily immoral or harmful, at least depressing

(There's also the weird rabbit hole of concrete costs and consequences of production. Are bad books a waste of paper? Are bad films a waste of many people's labor? Is AI a waste of water? ...Which in turn create new weird questions like, should some of these things be rationed so as not to have anyone's individual use exceed a certain threshold per capita? Should that vary according to individuals' particular circumstances like disability or maybe even artistic merit? Is everything in this entropically decaying universe a waste of some sort whether we like it or not??)

The role of the critic, here, is assumed to be...not wholly dissimilar to that of a blurb, but on a different axis. There are a gazillion books (or other cultural products) in the world, you don't want to waste all your free time with ones that you do not enjoy or have no interest in; so, if the blurb is there to showcase what about the work might be alluring to you (a task which ended up comically stripped down to the infamous Booktok Labels recently), the critic is (assumed to be) here to let you know which of these works are good, stand out from the rest, or both (is one inherently linked to the other? there's another question that haunts me periodically). The critic will dutifully peruse all these things and waste their own time to spare you from wasting yours...which I guess is kind of the essence of social labor in a nutshell

If part of the critique of "AI art" as a whole pertains to the presence of absence of intent or effort or both, the critic's role as implied here feels to me like the step immediately after that one: to infer, from the output, the presence or absence of meaningful or worthwhile intent/effort, if not as some essential quality of the author(s) or even the process, then at least as something baked into the work or sometimes the work-within-context-in-space-and-time. Even if a critic is as susceptible to the forces or pitfalls artists fall into, the reasoning is that a cut is at least being made to begin with

[feathersnek]

Secret Santa Prompts

Being an artist that likes getting general prompts but proceeds to turn around and not have any prompts for other artists other than "I just want to see them, I love them" makes me a problem child doesn't it. Lmao. I'll do my best and also leave some reference material here!

Tales of the Rays: Recollection:

Don't know what Reco is at all or sort of do and want to get to know my requested characters better? You can take a look at my character introduction posts to get a general feel for them. I did privately EN summarize the entire story chapter by chapter in detail on my Discord, Kocis Squad! But, uh, linking it would probably out my assignee to me via joining huh? ...W-well here's the opening animation and a playlist of the raw chapters if you want to take a look. The main story chapters in particular are fully voiced at least.

Character thoughts:

Elnath:

She's cute! She's badass! She's perfe-- *ahem* Um. Let's see. Naturally she's adorable, but she also just. Carries a claymore over her shoulder with zero effort and leads a military squadron. Please note that Elnath is also an adult even though she doesn't look like it. Like the rest of my requested Reco characters, you can find a write up of her in my linked character introductions tag above.

Making a read more cut for the rest for the safety of everyone's dash.

Haze:

Above is her fall outfit, and it's gorgeous, but I welcome any design! Haze really grew on me, and before I knew it I was part of the Haze fanclub. She is sincere and dotes on everyone as if they were her own child.

Kodama:

Petty crime greml-- Kodama is a fascinating character, and you can really just sit and chew on him analyze his character. He's exceedingly clever and utilizes street smarts, including for petty get backs at anyone who bullies him, but he's very kind hearted and will throw himself under the bus to help others. You really never know what this boy is up to at any given time.

Lugh:

Feral cat. Does bite. Stubborn, loyal. Pretty design. Maybe a little unhinged. Under certain plot circumstances she did soften, and was found crying. She's been alone for a very long time... Her pupils are indeed white, but it's really hard to see with this internal image resolution. I do own the art book, so if anyone wants her actual settei sheet with the 3D turn around and eye detail, I can provide it to a secret santa mod to send to you perhaps?

Tales of the Rays:

...Let's just cut to the chase on this one. Here's the writeup I did on Kocis. I love him with all my heart.

Tales of Luminaria:

Honestly as my 3rd request, this is most relevant if you were actually specifically matched to me because of this so! If that's the case I'll assume you know Lumi pretty well! Because we have to love and remember Lumi or no one else will--

I'm calm.

Anyway, even if you weren't matched to me because of this you're of course welcome to enjoy drawing these characters! Mostly I actually just don't know what to say haha So in that case, lemme grab some references.

Here's a story playlist in English dub. There is also a JP dub on youtube, but it's organized a little backwards. The neat thing about Lumi is each episode focuses on a character, so if you want to get to know my request characters, you can get a good idea by focusing on their specific episodes! Which are clearly labelled. They do show up in other character's episodes naturally, but that's the quickest way to check them out.

The exceptions to this are Grace Menil and Frederick Logerot, who are actually supporting/background characters haha I just love them. Grace only shows up in this specific episode starting at this timestamp if you'd like reference of her. She is very cool and I'm sad we didn't see more of her. Meanwhile Frederick is Maxime's butler and he's just a bro. You'll find him in various episodes with Maxime, but here's one timestamp of him.

[daddymothxxx]

"Intersex humans don't have a retractable penis that doubles as a vaginal type opening, lol. (Val has that setup as a Sinner.)"

Kindly speaking as an intersex person; I don't think this is accurate to refer to this character as intersex because it doesn't fit the definition. Even in a non-human-centric definition, intersex refers to sex traits that deviate from the typical sex traits for that species. Since all the Hazbin/Helluva sinners have completely different anatomy from one another, there's not really a good way to apply intersex as a label to any of them. The same is true of other fantasy characters that don't really have a defined species with defined sex characteristics. Like shape shifters or beings where they are the only one of their kind.

I could see a sinner in this universe being intersex if they were intersex while they were a human though. Regardless I'd say that this is a misuse of the term intersex just for that reason, I'm glad you do seem to have an understanding of our anatomy though and don't think we have a whole penis/scrotum and a whole vagina/uterus.

Yeah, just working with the best words I got, I guess. In that it's very obviously a non-human 'fantasy' type set up on anatomy.

I can't update my stuff at the moment between work and needing to sleep and some work related excitement, but I was talking to @the-smallest-star when I woke up 'cause they were talkin' about they got a similar comment or anon or something and was sharing the information with me they learned. I'm assuming because they know I got a couple characters with a fantastical, not-realistic, anatomy setup and, again, I only had certain words to work with. And there are other words I DEFF didn't wanna use. lol.

Anyway, I'm afab so while I do my best to be aware and research and etc, I'm no expert and it's not my lived experience. Same for non-white experiences. I do my best, but it's not my lived in experience nor do I have any degrees in the subject. Just try to be knowledgeable (I legitimately love humans despite all our societal flaws, we're very neat--more of a special interest than anything else).

And, honestly, a lot of people are going to lay a Sinner and a human side by side and make the comparison and find...correlation between humans and non-human creatures because, as humans, we often anthropomorphize what is around us to relate and understand. Which is legitimately what is happening to even create a universe like HH/HB and other original or corporatized media! We write and imagine from a very intrinsically human perspective. It's in human nature. You can't separate it, I don't think and I'm not interested in trying, to be honest. I feel that anthropomorphism is crucial to any one of us relating to a story at all. (and is inherently what you're doing too in a way, relating your human experience to the context of the stories.)

That being said; I do plan to do some modifications to the information of bios and stuff going forward to reflect this perspective/information you've shared--just might not see that done until sunday or mondayish (work stuff and the like will cause delays @_@ unless things are quiet tonight??? we'll see! VIGOROUSLY KNOCKS ON INTERNET WOOD).

I do also have to figure out...there's some characters of mine that have magical items that allow for their anatomy to flow with their gender expression that I have to find new words for. They've always been awkward and hard to put in as one-word identifiers for the profile format I use--I guess I've been using intersex as the umbrella term. Like trans is an umbrella word to cover an variety of specific gender experiences. But it seems that you, as an real life intersex person, prefer more specification to keep the fantasy element separated from your lived in experience (which I respect obviously, or at least I have hopefully communicated thus far). I just gotta work it out when I have the ability to dedicate the undivided attention to get those new/more specific words figured out. (If you have suggestions of course...I'm open to them. And/or resources and such.)

Things to think about. Things to listen to. I do appreciate you coming forward. I hope it's not super stressful.

And that my response isn't offensive, wheeze.

tldr; humans are awesome, stories are cool, i appreciate you stepping forward, i will do some homework and change some terms around and/or find a way to be more specific and clear that fantasy is not reality for intersex humans (soon as I am not tied up with work), and hope you're doing well!

[dessertgeek]

Let's talk where to find ethical chocolate!

Yeah! Because I feel like the hardest part is finding the dang stuff when you don't know what to look for. This is a not-so-quick overview, and I can answer questions if folks have them.

So the keywords you're looking for are "bean to bar chocolate" and "craft chocolate." Most bean to bar and craft makers will slap one or both of those labels on everything they make. And while the two terms are used relatively interchangeably by a lot of folks, myself included, because most makers of one are makers of both, they do differ.

Bean to bar chocolate refers to the manufacturing process. It's all about buying cacao from transparent sources (either direct from the farmers/cooperatives or from a group/coop like Meridian Cacao) and then making the chocolate in house. (There are also bean to bar chocolatiers, who work with pre-made bean to bar chocolate that they melt down and make stuff with, like Sugoi Sweets, and bean to bar chocolate makers who make their own truffles and confections, like French Broad.)

Craft chocolate is a movement within bean to bar chocolate, focused on small batches and high quality products. And yep, both Sugoi Sweets and French Broad are considered craft makers.

Still, if you asked me where to find either one I'd know what you're talking about, it's more nice to know where that's all coming from.

Generally you won't find bean to bar chocolate in grocery stores, likely because the demand just isn't there. (Though honestly most grocery stores aren't the best places to store chocolate anyway, but that's a side discussion.) You're mainly looking at buying from makers, bean to bar chocolate shops, and specialty grocers and cafes.

But if you ask me "Hey Jess, where can I get good chocolate?" you're going to get a kneejerk response of my asking in rapid succession:

What "good chocolate" means to you

What type of chocolate thing you're looking for

Your budget

How you like to shop

Because craft chocolate is a vast beast of options at this point, from craft white chocolate (it exists and it rocks) to unsweetened 100% cacao chocolate (it also rocks) to drinking chocolates to confections. Kasama Chocolate even has a durian white chocolate. You've got options, and that makes it hard to give quick and easy recommendations.

Still, if you're 100% just starting out, and you're in the US and you want to be pointed at the biggest online source with the most stuff, you want Bar & Cocoa. (I have a 10% discount code if folks want it, but since it's affiliate DM me for it I guess? But it's not sponsored, and they have flash sales and better sales posted usually on their mailing list.)

If you took one look at Bar & Cocoa's website and noped out from decision paralysis, I usually prefer to send folks to their closest in person bean to bar chocolate source, ideally either a bean to bar maker's physical shop or a bean to bar chocolate store like The Meadow or Yahara Chocolate. I personally prefer starting with shops so you can try a bunch of makers, but we lost so many chocolate shops in the pandemic and gained so many makers that there might more likely be a maker near you instead. The point is going in person means you can take your time getting recommendations, education, and learning how to taste chocolate. There will likely be cafes and specialty shops near you that carry bean to bar chocolate, but they will either have smaller stocks and/or not have the time to give education or information. If you can't go in person, most makers and shops have social media and generally love talking recommendations!

(And oh yeah, learning how to taste chocolate is a skill! It's neat! It's not half as intense as it sounds, and once you get the hang of it it's really fast to do. I've done videos on it and I really should make an update.)

So that should get you started! Just know that you're diving down a chocolate rabbit hole, and there's a lot more to bean to bar chocolate than I even hinted at here. It's so much fun.

[sorrelpaws]

waittt u didn’t like the new ep? why :o i thought it was pretty good tbh and the animation is super good this season

i think its like a culmination of lots of stuff i personally dont like. im not super good at talking about objectively good/bad stuff, so i'll just list the stuff i liked and didnt like (spoilerz)

i LIKED that morty was actually A Character in this episode. um also the intro where they were clutching onto previous leon and the second intro where r&m just fly through the title. ummm i guess i also liked when it cuts to morty talking to the writer guy because umm you expect them to be fighting or killing each othert but nope just talking and walking. idk was a bit silly 2 me. animation was also pretty neat i agree

but um i just don't like meta jokes. and well this is an entire episode of meta jokes. there's some fun gags here and there, but a lot of them just do noot stick the landing for me. the whole jesus previously-on gag felt like a waste of time, storylord's whole plotline annoyed me, i hated that writer character. i feel like the show wanted to make fun of self-obsessed writers but they just............... didn't do it super well at all. the writer doesnt come across as annoying in an "over-the-top intentionally self centered asshole" kinda way, he's annoying in a "i dont want to see this guy on the fucking screen" way. to me at least. and again, storylord is not a character i, or anyone else as far as im concerned, care about. and the ughghghh wedding and pregnancy stuff. brother why its just. okay in context i guess i can turn a blind eye but they're both moments that are just cringe. aside from the obvious uhhh Weirdness(?) they're just fucking cringy!!! i watch trhe scenes and im like ok. whats the point of that whats the Joke here. you're just doing weird shit for no reason. ugh idk. and just. the meta stuff doesn't feel well utilized. when r&m first put on those goggles we see a bunch of stuff labelled as different story devices (would be neat if the chekhov's gun thing would come back in a later episode(it won't)), and like that's neat in my opinion! the s4 storylord episode kinda did the "deconstructing story points/story circle" thing, but i feel like this episode could have also benefited from ummm i guess Story references? like the part where rick says "no if he went that way he'd be a hero" or wtv. ugh idk. im not good at thoughts 2 words but just wasn't crazy about this episode. just didn't do it for me. OH ALSO. i wouldve liked.... if the "previously on rick and morty" gimmick had been longer than the cold open. i feel like it happens soo fast like bro... chillax.... i feel like setting up the "something's off" thing could've been like a good few minutes. EDIT: I ALSO HATED RICK HAVING ABS!!!! that man is skin and bones HE DOES NOT HAVE DEFINED MUSCLES!!!!!!!!! :thumbs_down: