#but it's fucking exhausting
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Brain completely drained. Don't know if I'll even participate in Steddie week beyond maybe short tumblr ficlets which sucks because I had ideas 😭
#writing#big bang: never again.#probably. i might just be lying to myself because on the other hand I'm very impressed with myself for crafting this story#but it's fucking exhausting#i just want my boys to be cute and smooch and instead i have to write a fuck ton of worldbuilding context and their backstories#😭😭😭#to make matters worse i decided to go for the whole kinda-enemies-to-lovers vibe and it's killing me#H E L P
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off
EDIT: reblogs are STAYING OFF. op was right and correct and i have never regretted making a post as much as this one. if you want to reblog my art you can reblog something else from my blog. or commission me, lord knows i deserve financial compensation for the nightmare this post has put me through
#art#i had to block multiple people because of this post and i easily could have blocked more#do you guys have any idea how exhausting it is to hear 400 people make the exact same unfunny joke each thinking they're being original#or worry that another person might get harassed over a post i made because of the way people are talking about them#or be harassed/insulted YOURSELF because some people don't know how to fucking behave#you guys don't get reblogs back. you should be grateful i'm leaving the post up at all.
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please be nice to me, i'm in my twenties. do you know what that does to a person
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when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually mentally ill#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#sadgirl#sad thoughts#bpd shit#shitpost#mental health#mentally fucked#mental illness#mentally unstable#tired
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i hate when people ask how i’m doing like.. horrible. next question
#actually bpd#bpd safe#bpd vent#actually borderline#actually mentally ill#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#bpd#mental illness#mentally exhausted#mentally fucked
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“My vote doesn’t matter (so I’m gonna sit it out/vote third party/put a write-in protest vote)!”
Unfriendly reminder that Al Gore only lost Florida (and subsequently the entire 2000 election) by only 537 votes. Your vote absolutely fucking matters.
If y’all really, truly don’t want Trump/Republicans back in control than you better get out and vote down the ballot, especially if you live in an even remotely purple/swing state.
The MAGA voters will absolutely get out and vote, don’t let them out-do you.
#the defeatist bullshit I’ve seen on the left is goddamn exhausting#vote blue#get out and vote#LESS THAN 600 VOTES WOULD’VE SAVED US FROM BUSH BEING IN OFFICE#vote biden#fuck trump#fuck the gop#us politics
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they should invent a form of self harm where no one notices or gives a fuck
#tw sh related#tw sh implied#tw sh joke#tw sh destructive behaviour#sh vent#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd#bpd problems#actually borderline#bpd safe#mentally tired#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#mentally unstable#im so tired#im tired#tired#so tired#fml#bpd stuff
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Would you like to find out what you would be the god of? Take my new uqiz to find out
#uquiz#have fun with it please#assigning the 30+ results was fucking exhausting#you can get#spins wheel#mascots#emojis#longing#microelectronics#and so many more!#quiz#tag game#etc#mine#callisteios#i will add more answers. when I have inspiration and or energy#muted
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Again, it’s fucking insane how the entire world is witnessing these war crimes first hand, yet none of these western governments seem to give a shit.
It’s like “Oh what’s that? The Israeli government is stopping civilians from receiving aid and healthcare? Huh, must be a day that ends in a y!”
Just…… fuck everything.
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sometimes i just sit and think. wow i should end my life
#borderline blog#bpd diary#actually borderline#actually bpd#bpd vent#i hate bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd#borderline pd#bpd fp#npd blog#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmineblogging#landmineblr
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Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.
#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#mentally tired#mentally unstable#mental illness#actually mentally ill#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd#borderline personality disorder#borderline problems#boderline personality disorder#actually borderline#bpd feels#bpd diary#bpd vent#fp bpd#bpd fp#actually boderline
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pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#disordered eating mention#actually mentally ill#sad thoughts#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#substance abuse#shitpost#addiction#bpd feels#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#girls who do hard drugs#ed culture#eating disoder trigger warning#sadnees#actually borderline
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˚₊‧ ⊰ ⸸ ⊱ ‧₊˚
#⛪.images#⛪.spilled blood#trauma memes#actually traumatized#trauma holder#actually mentally ill#actually bpd#actually borderline#mentally fucked#mental illness#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#tagging for reach#because i need attention :<#mentally unstable#mentally exhausted#post traumatic stress disorder#anger holder#actually traumagenic#ventcore#vent meme#ragecore#angercore#bpd#bpd vent#bpd meme#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#hell is a teenage girl
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and separate from platonic feelings too. explain in the tags if you can obvi + feel free to specify if you're aspec! seeking out answers... reblog for reach...
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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