#but it still gets my goat occasionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hyperbali]

I've been tooling around on My Version of the DA canon in regards to Veilguard and here are a few fun things you should know about it

Varric, obviously, survives

He also has Titan stone powers now, which in his opinion is a shit-poor replacement for the fact that the lyrium dagger damaged his pectoralis tendon so badly that he couldn’t pick up a crossbow again even if it were to get fixed (RETIRE, BITCH)

He and Pina were together for a few years, but between how burnt out she was post-Trespasser and Varric’s absolute insistence on finding Solas with full intent to change his mind instead of kill him like she wanted, they went their separate ways

Proserpina Lavellan had since retired to Halamshiral, where she basically kicked the Imperial Court out of the Winter Palace, dared them to stop her (no one has tried), and made it her own

She turned much of the property's land into an ungulate farm (sheep, goats, harts, and halla) and surrounded it with Fen'Harel statues that very specifically have their eyes gouged out

Iron Bull joined her in this retirement; they have their own set of twins! Occasionally the Chargers (now led by Krem) have stopped by to hang out for a few weeks at a time and help take care of the farm

So she's REALLY REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF that she's being forced out of retirement to help deal with TWO MORE of her own damn gods!! Solas when I fucking catch you!!!

Prospero relocated to Minrathous with Dorian, where he basically flaunts his position as a trophy husband and has become a massive pain in the ass for most of the magisters in general while also absolutely charming the general public

In that vein, he's become a fairly lucrative merchant who regularly does business with Xenon the Antiquarian and The Viper

He sent the magic mirror to his twin sister and they talk on the regular

BUT SPEAKING OF ORLAIS

In the aftermath of the incredibly damaging civil war, the loss of pretty much every single upper hierarchy in the Chantry, the rumors of a puppet government (Pina forced a public truce), the installation of such a radical Divine (Leliana), and the mounting cruelty of the chevaliers in an effort to regain control, Orlais is a powder keg

These flames are both fanned and stifled in equal measure by the Bards, who have now become a sort of entity all their own rather than being informal mercenary spies

Rumours abound that at this point, Orlais is the only country in Thedas that wants to be entirely rid of their monarchy - it hasn't escalated into all-out war yet, but it feels inevitable

Given the history of the founding of Orlais, a population desperate for a sense of identity and trust turned to their most vaunted and uniquely Orlesian tradition - that of the Bards

Bards, who have always been largely comprised of commoners hoping to make a decent living, elves wanting to leave the alienages, non-inheriting nobility, the bastardborn, and mages hoping to avoid detection anyway, certainly did not turn up their noses at the idea of becoming a symbol of rebellion

It has now become sort of a point of pride for the Bards to effectively target and slaughter the nobility and chevaliers as creatively as possible - whether that be in the literal or social sense (the Great Game is still held in high regard)

A Bard then has the opportunity to take a trophy from their claimed victory - this trophy is usually whatever fanciful finery that noble owned

As a result, Bards have become increasingly easy to spot because they patchwork pieces of items from their defeated quarry into their ensembles. The more variety and asymmetry to a given outfit, the more targets that Bard has taken

(It’s deeply frowned upon to wear more than one piece from a given victory, or to wear something taken from the estate of someone that particular Bard was not responsible for dealing with)

Basically making a mockery of how important style and flamboyance have always been to the Orlesian nobility by stealing their shit and turning the dial to 11

Some Bards have taken this to mean entirely different materials, textures, and colours - the most 'decorated' of them can look like Alexander McQueen meets Bisa Butler

The really dangerous ones manage that patchwork design, but also look cohesive - meaning they've taken down enough nobles and chevaliers to be able to start matching pieces

Anything not taken as a trophy by a Bard is then free game to be raided and distributed among the people, so tensions are HIGH and security is VERY EXPENSIVE

Divine Victoria publicly denounces all of this but secretly provides information to the Bards when she can

(Yes I am giving you all this setup because the Orlesian Bards are a Faction for a planned companion)

As for Dejana

Yes I'm going to be proceeding with Emmrich as her romance

No I have not decided if she's getting Bone Daddy or Bone Son

Maybe this will end up being a threesome with Varric

Yes she is going to have a lot to explain to the parents she forgot existed for several years in any case

Kieran will also be an installation of the party thanks to Morrigan telling him to watch over his sister but he's pretty much going to usually be in the form of a black sphynx cat (he likes creepy cute)

[bornunderpunchestheheatgoeson]

listen if youre online arguing about what "true punk' is youre already too far gone. ok now that being said i have a secret opinion to share ⬇️

[unproduciblesmackdown]

today days old faun/fauna same etymology (equivalent to pan roman god faunus &/or fauna)

[boolger]

A lapdog at a farm - chapter 1

AO3 link. next chapter -> Call of duty. Explicit, 18+, minors do not interact. read the tags. wc: 4,147

Maybe support me on kofi?🥺👉👈

Farmer!John Price x Hybrid!Reader, hybrid! Kyle Gaz Garrick x hybrid! Johnny Soap MacTavish x hybrid! Simon Ghost, John Price x Nikolai.

Summary: When Price was young and left his childhood home, a farm in the middle of nowhere in England, he didn’t enter the military. Instead he moved to London, got a degree and a good career, earning good money. He got you, a human dog hybrid as a pet, after feeling lonely - and you lived your best life for years, spoiled and pampered, Price’s lapdog who got praised at every party. Loved and fucked every night. That was until Price decided to return to his roots and go back to farming - dragging you along to the middle of nowhere, away from all the wonders of the big city. Expecting you to accept this sudden change in lifestyle and pretend to be a farm dog. Bad luck however, because you fucking hated it, and became more and more unruly. In hopes of getting you to calm down and to keep his live-stock and farm safe, Price then got three working dog hybrids - and all at once, your life was even worse than before.

tags: Rape/non-con elements, dub-con, dog!hybrid!people being kept as pets, alternative universe - farm, dark, farmer!John Price, working-dogs, punishments, mating cycles/rut/heat (no omegaverse), the dove isn't dead but its dying, reader is a brat, knotting, animal tails and ears, mentions of trauma, violence, angst, hurt/comfort, collars, rough sex, breeding kink, biting, threesome, foursome, everyone is fucking your honor, enemies to lovers, chubby reader, reader has a pussy

author's note: Hi sinners <33 Just a heads up; the reader is gonna be a spoiled brat. If you want a smart and sweet reader who isn’t mean at times, well. Bad news. This ain’t it.🥰The reader is she / her and has a pussy and is chubby. I tried my best to keep the descriptions somewhat vague otherwise. Reader is a cocker spaniel hybrid. I will tell the others along the way. In this universe, hybrids have ears, tail, claws beneath nails and canine fangs. There will be heats and ruts but there is no omegaverse. They will have personality traits of their dog breed and so on. Now. I know there aren’t wild wolves in the UK… but in this fic there is, ok? mwah.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The countryside was peaceful compared to the city; the absence of the bustling streets and constant traffic, created a quietness that was indescribable.

Out here, at the new farm, the noises only came from animals that lived in the stables and barn or the occasional rumble as a tractor turned on. The wind caressed the never ending fields of wheat and the long rows of fruit trees, under which the goats and sheep walked most days.

The stress here wasn’t the same kind as in the city. Sure , there were stressful moments and sometimes Price looked like he needed to sleep for more than just the few hours he got everyday.

But he didn’t have to worry about the morning traffic, waiting in a queue for an overpriced, questionable tea or coffee. There was no need for him to wear a suit, no noisy, overfilled train cars in the underground. No crowded dog or hybrid parks, no meetings or rules to follow - except those John Price decided for himself.

He was happy, so much was clear to you. It had been three months since the move - Johnhad gone back to his roots, buying back the farm that his parents had used to own a little while ago, using some of his endless wealth on renovating the place. There was no step on the stairs that was loose, like it used to when he was a kid - sure they still creaked, but you weren’t afraid they would disappear from beneath you.

It was modernized, but most of the old charm left. Price fit right in; the furniture he had inherited and never believed he would use was suddenly in the living room. His knowledge of the business world was abandoned in the city, for the knowledge of farming that he still had left from his youth. John got a couple of farm hands and workers, who helped him with the big place.

It was like he reclaimed his own self that had been buried beneath the suits, ties and paperwork. Now he didn’t smoke his cigars from stress, but from pleasure, clearly much content.

It was like the farm had truly made John Price happy once more; his smiles more genuine, his true self stepping forth. Returning to his childhood home and taking over the farm had been the best decision Price had made. There was no question about it.

… and you hated every bloody day at the farm.

The early morning hours in bed with him, being disturbed by the farm waking up, the rooster crowing and John leaving the bed, giving you a pat in between your ears, taking all the heat with him. The constant bugs, the muddy stables and the big animals, the helpers who always teased you for not fitting in, the lack of friends you had out here. The foxes’ screams in the night, the wolves howling, and the cows occasionally mooing sounded like creatures stepping out of nightmares.

You were not made for farm life. Literally. Simply not made for it.

Some would argue that you, as a hybrid pet, didn’t have a say in it and sure , legally you didn’t. But you were a lapdog, an elegant pet. Not a farm dog. Created to be cared for and cuddled, you were a purebred cocker spaniel hybrid; you weren’t made to run around on a farm, following John on his duties And doing work. 

Sure, you had the instincts to hunt a few things here and there, but it was mostly balls and the occasional bird or squirrel. You weren’t a guard hybrid, not really a working dog.

You had had enough trauma throughout your life - you deserved not to be forced into this! You had grown up being trained to be a lapdog, not a working-dog like you felt like John expected you to act like now.

You wanted John to be happy, you really did - you loved your Master! When he bought you a few years ago, when you were still aggressive and unruly (… more than now at least), you had thought he would tire of you like everybody else had. But with patience, rules, training, praise and punishment and a whole lot of sex later, you were a perfect hybrid pet for the city! People always praised how well you looked, laughing when Price said you were really a little troublemaker. You would follow him throughout the fancy apartment, on your daily walks, sometimes for meetings.

But why the fuck did it have to be a farm? He worked somwwhat the same time that he did before, genuinely seeming to enjoy himself. Forgetting about poor you!

Out here, there were no hybrid daycare that you would go to when he had long days, there were none of your playmates nearby, everything stank of animals and there were no places nearby for you to get your hair and fur styled and pampered! No nail technicians, no fancy cafes, no shops for John to buy you things in! No special made coffee or chef-made meals every other evening, no freshly baked croissants.

You felt like you had tried . You really had. 

But after the first week, you had your first breakdown - and as the weeks passed, they didn’t stop. At first, John was sympathetic, like the perfect owner he was.

Cooing at you, kissing your forehead, as he gently scratched your ears. Kissing away any tears, saying it was okay - that you were just overwhelmed, that it would be okay. That you would come to like it out here.

Big fucking joke.

He had tried every trick in the book, in an attempt to please you and made you less upset, but as days turned into weeks and tantrums began to appear, you knew his patience began to disappear.

He followed professional advice and then the advice of the neighbors down the street, Rodolfo and Alejandro (who had caught you running away at one point), tried some of the workers’ advice. He had given you your own room, and it was mostly designed like your own, perfect to the pale green paint on the wall, all your toys and dog beds, your CDs - everything. He had tried hauling you along every day, trying to give you a routine to follow - but after two weeks, he gave up, not having the energy to deal with a tantrum that got worse and worse each day. He went on walks with you, fucked you silly, tried his best — and you didn’t want it.

No, you wanted to go back to your old life. Not this country life that you hadn’t signed up for, with horses that neighed loudly whenever you passed them; they were definitely going to trample you at the first chance, you knew that. You could hear foxes scream in the night, warning you of the dangers. The goats and sheep were so fucking loud and no you didn’t want to go pick fresh apples off the trees - had he seen the size of the spiders crawling on them?

When you in one of your biggest tantrums took off and bolted from the farm in distress, Rodolfo and Alejandro had almost hit you when you emerged from the corn fields onto the road. 

You had cried the entire drive home, no matter what the two men had tried saying, especially as Rodolfo called Price in advance — your master was livid . The worst thing was, that it was not that kind of anger where he yelled at you before punishing you - no, this one was almost silent, a sharp grip on your collar as he dragged you along after thanking his neighbours.

He had belted you then, ignoring your crying and screaming, only stopping when you broke, sobbing and going quiet. He had explained it to you then, what could have happened, what dangers you could have ended in - and as you sobbingly apologized and tried to explain, that you wanted to go back to the city, John had sighed .

Said that he had pampered you too much since he got you, which had made you greedy and attention seeking. Which only made you cry more, as you hid your face in his neck, fingers digging into his shirt, ass cheeks burning.

“Spoiled rotten, little birdie,” he mused, though you could hear the softness in him, your tail wagging a little, hoping to get him to be less mad.

“‘M sorry,” you had whined in distress, upset with yourself as well, ears tipping down, “wanna be good but I don’t like it.”

Your rather dull escape attempt resulted in several things. An AirTag on your collar, so that he always knew where you were. A remarkable lack of treats, sex and then… the crate .

You fucking hated the dog crate. 

Sure, it hadn’t been nice of you to bite one of his pillows into a simple pulp of fabric, feathers everywhere. Or create chaos in the kitchen… or get drunk on his fancy whiskey (that one had ended worse for you, hangover was a bitch and there wasn’t much sympathy from John). And yes, you might have ripped most of the flowers surrounding the house up, until one of the workers had caught you. Maybe pissing yourself in the middle of the living room while staring him in the eyes and ignoring his warnings had been a little…excessive. 

But the dog crate? You hated that thing with a burning passion. 

Hated it when he locked you up, ignoring your whimpers and whines, your promises to behave, ignoring your little howls as he left. 

Mean. The farm had made him mean. Perhaps you had become a bit unruly too, but it was like he didn’t take your clear suffering seriously.

Mean and happy - unruly and suffering. What a pair you were. One of the workers, KAte Laswell, who was a big helper and often stayed over for dinner, suggested a fucking shock collar. You had growled, only stopped when John sent you a sharp look. 

You had even heard him talking over the phone with somebody, saying that he didn’t want to rehome you, but he didn’t know what to do.

That had made you melt a little and you had cried as you had crawled into his bed a couple of hours later, begging him to not abandon you. Fears of never getting to see John again or being loved again by him made you cling onto him as he kissed away your tears, gently fucking you.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

It was a random morning a couple of days later, that you found him still in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, humming to himself while smoking a cigar.

He looked nice like this. Despite how he sometimes muttered about being too old, he wasn’t really that old. Late thirties, and perhaps it was the peace on his face or the sun rays that kissed him, which made him look younger. But still. There was a decade between you, but days like this, you were reminded that it didn’t matter.

“Are you going to stare all day or are you going to join me, Darling?” He asked teasingly, pulling you from your thoughts. You let out a little huff and kissed him good morning, receiving a pat on the ass before you sat down on your own seat. It had been a while since the two of you had eaten together - often he was up at the crack of dawn, so his calm behavior and gentle humming was unusual to say the least.

“Why are you not working?” You asked carefully, as you ate some of the bread, trying to ignore how it wasn’t a fancy sourdough one - though you were pretty sure he had picked it up from a local bakery in the village which was a little drive away.

“Because,” he put the paper down, then tapping some ash off the cigar into his ashtray, before looking over at you, a pleased smile on his face, “you and I are going on a trip.”

“A trip?” You didn’t even bother to be embarrassed about how your voice got higher with excitement or how your tail thumped against the backrest of the chair as you wagged it, “where are we going? When? Can we go now?”

Price had laughed, a happy sound that you knew not many got to hear; it made your heart beat a little faster, made you feel butterflies in your stomach. 

“Well, we got to do a few things first to get ready, and you ,” he used the cigar to point at you, your tail wagging a little faster, “need to not freak out when I tell you where we are going.”

Despite the warning, tears streamed down your cheeks when he told you. John didn’t get mad as a part of you had expected; he knew your abandonment issues first hand, knew how you had been left behind before, from one bad owner to another. 

“You’re going to sell me and leave me with a mean owner and I’m gonna die of hunger and thirst - and - and —“

“Not gonna leave you, princess,” John crooned, covering your face in kisses as you hiccuped and sniffled, clinging to his clothes, “you know that. My favorite puppy. Pretty girl.”

Despite your tears and small sobs, your tail wagged at his words, “silly puppy,” he mused with a smile, gently scratching your lower back, “‘m not gonna sell you. Ale and Rodolfo are looking for a hybrid, I figured we could go look at the auction as well.”

“What if - what if - what if you’ll like them more?” You sniffled dramatically, sure that your life was only going to become worse than it already was. One thing was this bloody farm and the crate, another thing was having to share Price. You didn’t like the idea one bit. If that happened, you were going to show him how a proper tantrum was thrown - the crate would probably be the least of your worries.

As if to prove his love, John bent you over the table, fucking you in between the clattering dishes and cutlery, tea and coffee almost spilling over. Despite how many times your owner fucked you, it made you lose control of your mind every single time. His cock reached so deep inside you that it bordered on pain, your mouth open as you panted and moaned at each thrust; your soft stomach being pressed against the edge of the table, one hand holding onto the back of your collar, the other on your tail. The table rattled, John groaned and moaned, your fingers desperately trying to hold onto anything. 

“My princess,” he snarled darkly into your ear, “you’ll always be mine-“ a moan, a grunt, “- no matter what happens, yeah?”

“Yes ye-ah- yes, sir, I’m yours - ah ah - I’m yours!” you managed in between pants and wails of pleasure, fear of abandonment forgotten in the ocean of euphoric satisfaction. 

You came harder than you had for a while; the reminder of your worth, of how you deserved his worship, making you cream around his throbbing length, legs in spasms afterwards. He pushed deeper, filling you up with a loud roar like sound, his hands moving to grab onto the fat of your ass and hips as he came. Pain and pleasure made your toes curl and a content sigh left you, your tail wagging against Price as he chuckled.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The auction hall was filled to the brim with humans and hybrids alike. Every owned hybrid followed their respective owners, all wearing mandatory leashes so no pets would be confused with the ones that were being sold. You wore your own pink one with pride, gem stones sparkling. A matching leash connected to the D-ring on it, that also bore your tags. You were convinced yours were the most beautiful in this entire place.

“They’re bonded,” Laswell pointed out, pointing to the papers that hung nearby, showing off general information about them, “gotta get all three.”

You dared to look at the little board with the informations about the three hybrids they were looking at.

“Ah, we don't have space for three, mi amor.”

“eso es una pena,” Rodolfo answered, while you looked over at John - who kept looking at the three hybrids. You dared to peek over at them.

All three of them were enormous .

Two of them wore muzzles, meaning they were biters. At least at the auction. You shouldn’t judge then, not really, but you did... Even though you had worn a muzzle five years ago, when Price had chosen you. You hadn’t tried biting people out of malice; you had been scared and angry at the world. Angry for being abandoned once more, over the fact that you were most likely being passed on to another abusive master. You leaned a little closer to Price, taking in his scent.

Even from the start, despite all the problems and your attitude problems, he had been sweet. Strict at times — probably not enough — but kind.

The biggest one looked like a Great Pyrenees breed, most likely. The fur on his ears and tail looked shorter, badly cut. Probably due to matting or if he refused to get it cut. His hair, a dark blonde almost brown, was in a buzz cut. He had scars, all over - unable to hide because of the lack of clothes most hybrids were given, only underwear. There was a lot in his face, though you suspected a bunch were hidden by the muzzle. He stared into nothing, his ears curled back, though they moved now and again, listening to different sounds.

“Hard to get sold,” Laswell commented and you looked over at her in synchronicity with John, “they’re ex-military.”

Like he had been called to them, a man who wore one of the seller badges appeared.

“They’re obedient once they fall into place,” he happily explained, going full seller-mode, “they’re just not too fond of the auctions - too many people.”

“Makes sense,” Price mused, clearly interested - much to your annoyance. The fact that he asked follow up questions made you frown, fingers tightening in his shirt. He was here to look. To help Alejandro and Rodolfo, who both had continued their walk. You dared to look over at the hybrids again. All three were staring at you and John. 

“How come they were discharged?”

“One of them got a hearing loss -“ he nodded towards them, “the one with the mohawk. And they’re a bonded pack.”

“So only retiring him was out of the question,” John concluded once more looking over at them.

You felt your tail go in between your legs. He couldn’t be seriously considering those three . you couldn’t help but let out a small whine. Price gave your leash a little tug.

“They’re working dogs,” the seller continued, his eyes flickering to you, making you huff, “so they’ll need something to do, not just be pets.”

“Oh I know. I have a farm. Need some work dogs - this one isn’t guarding much.”

They all laughed, your tail going even further between your legs with embarrassment.

“You can’t be serious,” you whined in a whisper to John, not caring that you sounded needy - spoiled would Laswell had said and you ignored her as she rolled her eyes.

“Hush, Princess.” John didn’t even look at you.

“You have animals there?” The seller asked, “one of them is a herding dog - the border collie.”

“I do - several. That’s why there's a need for guarding dogs as well, bloody wolves have been terrorizing us.”

You knew he was telling the truth; he had muttered about dead sheeps and goats several times - even a calf had lost its life to the wolves in the area, despite he and Laswell having shot two already. Even foxes had gotten into the coop, despite the fences.

“They’re good at that too, with their training,” the seller offered, clearly interested in selling them or at least getting John to bid on them. “The one with the mohawk, Soap , will have hearing aids with him, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

You looked over at this “Soap”, scrunching your nose. They were still staring, the biggest one bending down to listen to the third one, a beautiful black man, whisper in his ear. No doubt judging you.

“It says here they don’t do well with others,” you muttered, in a desperate attempt to sway John, pointing to the board with their papers. It did indeed say so, to which you wanted to argue that YOU should be his main focus in this whole thing - how would he even consider adding them to your household if these dogs could get a hold of you?

“It’s in the sense that they’re not really housetrained to be social family pets,” the seller swooped in, pushing your argument away, annoying you even more, “they’ve had missions all their lives. They need to have something to do.”

“I’m sure you’ll get along with them, sweetheart,” Price answered, giving you a small scratch beneath your chin as he finally looked over at you, a glint in his eyes, “some company will do you good.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. Hardly . Price’s smile told you that he thought this was a great idea however. You dared to look at the men again. Still staring, fucking bastards.

The black man seemed like a mix of some breeds, German shepherd and… you looked shortly at the board. Belgian malinois. Fancy. He wasn’t as tall as the big one, but broad and with scars as well. There was a more slender look to him, but his six pack proved he was strong. His curly hair wasn’t too long, probably cut not too long ago. He was looking at you curiously, making you raise your upper lip a little, as if to warn him.

The one with the hearing loss looked like some sort of border collie - covered in scars as well, some of his skin looking like it had been too close to fire. He was broad like the two others, his upper arms the size of your head. He even sent you a cheeky grin, even daring to wink at you. You just looked away, tipping your chin up a little.

“You can look closer if you want, sir?”

You were pulled back into the conversation at once and before you could argue, John had already passed on your leash to Laswell and walked towards the men with the seller. You whined, distressed that he was really, actually considering this.

“You’ll be fine,” Laswell commented calmly, with empathy in her voice for once, though she didn’t look at you, merely at John and the others.

“He is gonna lose interest in me,” you whined, perhaps a little dramatically, bottom lip wobbling a little as you could feel tears welling up in your eyes, “then he’ll leave me in the crate all day and only care about them an—“

“Calm down,” Laswell said, “you’ll work yourself into a fuss.”

“He can’t do this to me,” you argued in a sullen voice, already imagining John forgetting all about you, focusing on these three hybrids for the rest of his life, leaving you cold and lonely inside the dog crate - maybe even rehoming you, “he promised he wouldn’t get rid of me.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Laswell answered just as calmly as before, “John loves you too much, you’re just being spoiled. Hanging out with some working dogs will do you good.”

“They probably have fleas,” you said, your prejudices seeping into your words, knowing you’re being mean, judgmental against your own kind, “they’ll kill me and eat my dead body.”

Laswell laughed. “No they won’t. Worst thing they’ll do, is probably knock you up.”

A high pitched, scandalized sound left you, despite knowing you had an implant. Laswell laughed again, giving your leash a little yank and then scratching you behind your long ears.

“Settle, Princess. That won’t happen without John’s permission.”

You almost cried at the sight of John shaking the seller’s hand.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

They all met up again for the actual auction part and you sat at John’s feet, sniffling a little. Crying hadn’t helped, in fact John had just petted and kissed you, calling you sensitive. Alejandro had gotten a hybrid earlier that they didn’t need to bid on - she was for sale for a certain price. Something about being too intense without enough space to roam, having attacked others before.

Fucking great. Beasts all around you.

John won the bidding on the three working dog hybrids he had been interested in - because of course he did. He spent way too much money on them too, according to you.

One more - or well, three more fucking things to hate about this “farming life” that had been forced upon you.

Maybe John had gone mad.

next chapter ->

[incorrectbatfam]

Which TV shows or sitcoms do the Batfam guest star in?

(I'm a 2010s girlie if you can't tell)

Selina has a one-episode subplot as a prisoner in Orange Is The New Black where she acts like she's going to try and make a daring escape just to mess with everyone else

Luke appears in the background of a large gathering or party in Black-ish but the characters are too busy with the storyline to notice until the end when they realize it's legendary MMA fighter Luke Fox, except he's just there for the food

Bette would be one of the extras in The Good Place whose entire role is to give people the wrong frozen yogurt toppings while acting like the absolute nicest person who got into the "Good Place" for saving an endangered goat species

Alfred is a customer just doing his shopping amidst the Superstore chaos. He just occasionally appears throughout the episode and when they're like "You're still here?" he unfurls a comically long shopping list

Barbara appears in New Girl as an HR worker at Schmidt's place of work, where she slows him down with pointless bureaucratic procedures when he's trying to get something done quickly

Bruce would appear as a prospective business client in The Office and offers to buy Dunder Mifflin until he gets a tour of the place as it's literally going up in flames

Harper would be sitting in the back of the classroom in Community interjecting with her side commentary until the characters realize she doesn't even go there

Damian would be a student in Abbott Elementary who starts doing the teacher's jobs, and when the school tries to call home, he poses as his own guardian with a costume and voice training

Cass is a part-time cashier who gets hired on the spot at Kim's Convenience but quits after one day not because of the characters or storyline, but because she was just bored

Dick appears in Brooklyn Nine-Nine as a New Jersey police officer working an interstate case, and him and Jake competing for the spotlight and recognition can be summed up by "oh my God, there's two of them"

Jason also appears in the same Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode as the main suspect, and the whole joke is that he keeps insisting he and Dick know each other (being irl brothers) while Dick is like "I've never seen this man in my life"

Carrie guest stars in Parks and Rec as a very passionate (and very annoying) lone teenage activist with a picket sign who won't leave the characters alone until they hear out her (very valid) concerns

Cullen appears in Psych as another "psychic" racing against Shawn to solve a case, but really he just knows how to get the evidence he needs from social media faster than surveying the actual crime scene

Helena plays a substitute teacher in Derry Girls who keeps insisting that the characters do a dumb assignment that actually makes sense in the end

Tim briefly makes a cameo in Cobra Kai at one of the karate tournaments, where he plays a competitor from a dojo that's not part of the main cast

Kate appears in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt for a minute as the characters trying to get someplace urgently, and she has a car or something they want to borrow but she's just like "uh, no, I don't know you"

Duke plays a tutor in Modern Family where the episode centers on school, and the session consists of him just trying to do his job while everyone else keeps interrupting

Steph cameos in Scrubs as a know-it-all med student who keeps trying to point out that a character is making a (harmless) mistake, only to get shut down until it happens and she's just like "that's what I was trying to tell you"

[the-daiz]

When you’re sick | One punch man

Synopsis; How the one punch men would act when you’re bed ridden

genre: fluff, hc

Characters: Saitama, Genos, Speed-o’-sound sonic, flashy flash, Zombieman, Garou

side note; My… my hands… wont… stop typing… save me…. I’m gonna hibernate after this post

SAITAMA

Shockingly takes very good care of you

he’s a mundane guy that lives alone and needs to take care of himself, so I’d assume he’s gotten his fair share of sick days

He’ll be softer and more careful with his words

He lets you huddle up in his futon, even if he’s a little annoyed cuz now he needs to find somewhere else to sleep,

he still wants you to be close to him so he can look out for you

makes you lotssss of tea and warm meals

and bananas! (Saitama loves bananas)

he knows all the foods to avoid when you’re sick, ex: eggs

he’ll probably spend most of his day sitting next to you while he watches tv or talks to you about something

doesn’t leave the house to do any hero work so he can stay by your side

like I said before, he takes veryyy good care of you until you feel better

GENOS

oh gets really worried

a little bit frantic even, but he doesn’t let it show

does a shit ton of research about your illness/symptoms and how to take care of it

Consults dr kuseno

who of course gives him a lot of advice

he’s hella dotting

Like fr he doesn’t leave your side

despite being an S-class hero, unless its an absolute emergency, he DOES NOT LEAVE YOUR SIDE

Will make sure you take your medication exactly on time

Prepares gourmet type meals for you

Also expect a lot of broth, soup etc etc

Will offer you any form of physical affection you want. Since he’s a cyborg he doesn’t get sick, so will cuddle you all day without complaints if thats what you’d like

He’s constantly checking up on, his cool metal hand pressed gently on your forehead while his mechanic eyes inspect your frame, a small frown etched on his temple.

he’s so cute kms

SPEED OF SOUND SONIC

He knows how to take care of you

he’s gotten sick PLENTY of times, it never lasted long though because his immune system is simply goated

That being said, he’s very… awkward?

he’s concerned and worried, don’t get me wrong, but he’ll probably try to hide it

His words won’t reassure you much but his actions will!

He’ll drop off supplies like medication, food, herbs, or anything else you need, whether you mention it or he decides you need it anyway.

he’ll check up on you a lot, and he’ll try to stay nearby to make sure your safe

but honestly, you having to rely on him when you’re vulnerable makes him feel prideful

he doesn’t admit it, but he kind of likes having you sick, just a tinsy bit

FLASHY FLASH

Oh god

of course he’s terribly worried about you

very aloof about it though

I’ll start with the cons: He’s sort of emotionally distant, and offers very little emotional support, and he won’t try sticking by your side as often as the other characters

Now that that’s out of the way,

He does make sure you have everything you need, and if he’s not with you, probably because he’s doing some hero work, he’ll text you or call very occasionally to ask how you’re doing and if you need anything

If you do mention that you’re feeling worse, he’ll be right by your side in an instant

ZOMBIEMAN

He’s very down-to-earth and calm about it

He won’t fuss over it or worry too much in the slightest

He’ll take good care of you, bringing you meals in bed, drink lots of fluids and getting enough rest

he’ll focus on making you as comfortable as possible too

He’ll leave for hero work every once in awhile, thats unless you’re really sick, then he’ll stay rooted beside you without another word

He’ll spend a lot of time just sitting or laying next to you. If you’re uncomfortably hot and would probably not want him to sleep beside you, he’ll sit on a chair and quietly hold your hand.

If you want him to talk, he’ll talk, and if you don’t, he’ll sit wordlessly without complaints.

he’ll probably crack a joke here or there if the mood is too damp

also, he’ll offer lots of forehead kissess

GAROU

He’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s got the spirit! 😍😍

this lone wolf isn’t used to taking care of people, let alone himself

He’ll probably tell you to just walk it off, but his protective instincts will kick in anyway

he’ll try to stay by your side as much as possible

he’ll grumble and act like he’s annoyed, but he really isn’t

he’s a little harsh, probably giving you some weird motivation like “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or smth

he’s genuinely concerned for you though, just be patient with him, he’s trying

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Blurbs: Water

————————————————————————-

Summary: While bored at home during the twin’s nap time, you try the Water by Tyla Tiktok trend on your husband Joe.

Warnings: nothing really. fluff, unserious/funny

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine universe: Into The Mystic

————————————————————————-

November 6th - Day after win over the Bills

(yn’s pov)

Joe and I were currently cuddled up on the couch in comfortable silence, the only sounds being of the overhead fan and TV quietly playing the science channel.

Yesterday the Bengals had yet again a big win and it seemed like things were starting to click with the team. That Bye Week was exactly what they needed to set the season on a good path.

I scrolled through TikTok on my phone, one Airpod in my ear so I could hear the audio while leaving one ear free to hear any remarks from Joe about what he was watching on the TV.

Lately, my FYP consisted of puppies, couples, other WAGS, and thirst edits of Joe (I'm not ashamed).

Just under two weeks ago, I pranked Joe after seeing a video on TikTok and I wouldn't be lying if I said I have a couple more trends I've wanted to test on him.

One of them is the trend that consisted of you playing the song “Water” by Tyla as you secretly record your man to see if they'll try to get a peak of the screen to see her do the water dance.

I already knew that Joe would never openly fawn over another woman in front of me, or in private either really. Knowing it wouldn't have a super-positive impact on me and our relationship. But, there was still a part of me that wanted to see how he'd react to it.

Hell, he probably didn't even know the trend; which honestly would be the best outcome.

My head was lying comfortably on Joe’s shoulder as he intently paid attention to his favorite channel. I discreetly took my Airpod out of my ear and back in the case before pulling up the audio.

I had my phone angled to where it was hidden discreetly but Joe was still in frame.

The show was on a commercial break and through the camera view it showed Joe scrolling on his phone, occasionally laughing at something then scrolling on.

Turning my volume button up, I clicked the record button and studied Joe’s expression.

As soon as he turned I looked at him with a shocked look, but he was only grinning and showing me this video of a fainting goat on his Instagram feed; not even paying attention to the audio.

When he noticed the bitchy look on my face he immediately looked at me rather confused.

“What? Do you not think it's funny?” - Joe

My gaze on him softened when the fact he didn't know any significance of the audio became apparent. When I moved my phone out of its hiding spot and Joe realized he was being recorded, he looked at me even more confused.

“What are you doing?” - Joe

I turned the video off with a laugh and pecked his lips. When I pulled away Joe still looked lost and a little annoyed as to why I hadn't started explaining myself yet.

“Do you not recognize that song?” - you laughed

“No…” - Joe gave you a puzzled look

“It was a little TikTok trend that girls do on their boys. you, my love, are one of the very few that passed.” - you

“Yay?” - Joe

“Very yay, Joey!” - you giggled

Joe smiled slightly before gesturing to the TV that was counting down the time left on the commercial break.

“Can we watch the show now?” - Joe

“Of course. You had such a good reaction that I'm gonna bake you a pumpkin pie later.” - you

“Really?!” - Joe

“Yup!” - you

Joe squeezed me as a thank you and nuzzled his face in my neck, suddenly feeling the need to be cuddled.

“I still don't know what I did that was so right, but I'm glad I made you happy.” - Joe

————————————————————————-

Authors note: this fic was too short to even qualify as an imagine so here’s my first blurb!

Hope you enjoyed! ❤️

[hedgehog-moss]

Yes, my donkey situation really wasn’t promising 4 years ago! It was impossible to go anywhere near Pirlouit when I first bought him, he’d just run away and hide at the sight of humans (whereas Pampy could be haltered without a fuss). When he had that injury a few weeks after arriving here and nobody could catch him to clean the wound I thought he was going to die, it was awful. I contacted every vet I could (and it was one of them who told me “well either the wound heals on its own or the donkey dies, not much to be done”), and a donkey sanctuary, and a nature reserve in the region that has wild mountain goats, to ask if (and how) they catch their wild goats in case of disease, and I had the mason build a chute for the corral but couldn’t get Pirlouit in there... It was so stressful, and in the following year I spent so much time trying to get Pirou used to a) my presence, b) the halter, c) other humans, just so vet & farrier visits would be possible. But I didn’t think I would be able to do much with him beyond that, and definitely never thought I would ride him! 

I think he either grew up as a feral donkey, left to his own devices in his pasture with very little contact with humans, or was badly treated in some way. I remember making a relieved post maybe 3 months after I got him, saying I was now able to sit in his vicinity and sometimes after half an hour he’d come and let me pet his nose. Which was huge progress! But any sudden movement and he’d be gone, and I couldn’t just walk up to him, he only came near me when I was squatting or sitting down and if I stood up no matter how slowly, he’d run away. It felt a bit hopeless at times.

We’re good friends now but he’s still quite scared of everything and everyone—cars especially. For the past year and a half I’ve been taking him on little walks along the road (like in this video) and gesturing at drivers to drive past us very slowly. Occasionally someone we knew stopped to chat and Pirlouit would get a chance to gingerly sniff the car and realise it isn’t an apex predator with a donkey-based diet but just a big metal box. When it comes to riding him, we started inside the tiny corral where he couldn’t escape and start running and throw me head-first into a thorny bush, then when I was reassured that he had more or less predictable reactions when I was on his back, I started riding him in the pasture, then in my woods where there’s no chance of encountering anyone. This month was my first time riding him out in the real world—we met strangers! And a tractor! And chickens he doesn’t know! It was all very scary but Pirlouit got through it bravely :)

@the-puffinry​ This is the pic I was talking about where he looks like a stuffed toy <3

[sporelings-au]

How did mother spore meet her lovely hubby?

@whatmoredoyouwangfromme

again, my eng aint that great so if there's any confusion, ask me and i'll clear it up as best as i can ^^;

---

so doc's a creeper and goat hybrid that is being kept alive by machinery. (why? idk yet lol. maybe bc he fought god or he exploded before idk)

He left his hometown in search of some place else to live in (why? again, the author is just incompetent at making up stories ><)

He set sail in a boat and ended up crashing into mother spore's island. Mother immediately sensed him and thought it was a HEP agent. He went to check out what happened only to find doc lamenting about his ruined ship. And mother is immediately intrigued.

he's never seen someone like doc before. A creeper and goat hybrid? the very idea is laughable to mother. But here doc stands, trying to salvage what was left of his ship.

Mother is even more intrigued of doc when it seems that her mycelium and fungus doesn't affect doc at all.

like i said, doc's half cyborg, so whatever machinery that's keeping him alive also disintegrates any bacteria- or in this case, mycelium spores from entering his system. Making him fully immune to mother spore's influence.

So, mother spore decided to play around with doc to test his abilities. She would make the mushrooms on her island shift and move around, confusing doc about his whereabouts (and also making sure doc doesn't get close to the mansion).

Then, she would send out her sporelings to play tricks with doc by placing traps. (the sporelings and mother would remain unseen by doc throughout all this)

but doc's a smart guy. Doc would stop trusting his surroundings and instead count his steps to determine where he is and make sure he doesnt get lost. He's also getting better at recognizing if there's a trap laid out for him and disarming them.

Mother would then get more and more frustrated by doc outsmarting him but at the same time very impressed by doc actually surviving and adapting on his island.

the sporelings would then get careless with making sure doc doesn't see them and one day, doc caught ren.

Doc saw ren wagging his tail while laying down traps and he picked ren up like a kitten, surprising both ren and mother. Mother was about to charge in and kill doc but stop bc doc just placed ren back down, letting him run away.

now, mother spore is even more curious about doc.

slowly, doc uncovered all the sporelings one by one.

and with every sporeling he caught, the closer to the mansion mother would allow him to get.

then one day, doc got to the mansion and mother spore is in front of it, waiting to give doc a final test.

Mother spore invites doc into the mansion for tea but doc politely declines, knowing the moment he set foot into the mansion, he would instantly become a dead man.

And mother spore was like "smart and polite. I like you." and let him leave the island scot-free.

But doc doesn't leave. Well, he would occasionally, to get supplies but he would always return to the island.

The sporelings would then get comfortable around doc and started to actually really like him and accept him as a part of their mushroom family.

mother and doc would also bond with each other and get really close. But each time mother invites him in for tea, doc would still decline.

until one day, when mother invites doc in for tea again, doc actually accepted.

Doc can't get infected by the mycelium, but mother made sure the food and drinks he gave doc that day weren't laced with mycelium anyways.

[solargeist]

What the relationships between different Hermits and Kid Xelqua are like:

POSITIVE!

Mumbo - Pretty positive all things considered. He manages to entertain him, and generally is a good uncle figure.

Scar - The favourite. Scar gives him unlimited access to snacks and all sorts of unhealthy food (much to Grian’s chagrin). Once gave him so much sugar, Xelqua entered a 5 hour long sugar rush. Grian still hasn’t forgiven him yet because it was an absolute nightmare.

Doc - Surprisingly positive. Despite Doc’s turbulent relationship with Grian, Doc has a soft spot for kids. He’ll drop any kind of tension when Xelqua’s around to not worry him. He’ll still absolutely body Grian, but usually when Xelqua isn’t looking.

Pearl - Due to her leniency, Xelqua likes her. He can get away with anything when she’s around and generally doesn’t impose any harsh rule of punishment on him

Etho - He just thinks Etho is cool (usually because he keeps maple candies in his pockets). An Ethogirl in the making.

NEUTRAL!

Joe Hills - He’s a living Sesame Street styled puppet and Xelqua keeps mistaking him for a normal puppet toy. He once nearly suffocated poor Joe by hugging him a little too tight around his neck.

Xisuma - Barely sees him and for good reason. Xisuma has enough on his plate as admin, he doesn’t need to have to add “babysitting a god” on his plate as well.

Impulse & Skizz - They help Grian out occasionally to watch over Xelqua. Typical fun uncles you can find, but Xelqua doesn’t know much about them or why Skizz gives him the heebie jeebies when he unfurls his Angel wings or when Impulse reveals his full demon form.

Gem - Like Impulse and Skizz, generally friendly with Xelqua, but he’s unsettled by her, but he doesn’t know why. Maybe he senses that Gem isn’t truly a deer satyr and something to do with the rustling in the forests and night and the lingering smell of blood on her.

NEGATIVE…

Cleo - She’s scary to him. Like how you would be scared of the principal when you were a kid in elementary school.

Cub - All the fireworks he uses this season are too loud for him. He has to cover his ears everytime he has to go near the shop.

Joel - Xelqua keeps walking in in Joel in the most embarrassing moments. Like seeing him cry in front of the statue of his wife because she isn’t in the server, falling down an entire flight of stairs, reading Iskall’s creepy Yandere letters, etc. There were several moments where Joel had to cover Xelqua’s mouth because he was about to air all his dirty laundry.

AKDNDJSKAK

of course Scar is the favourite, Xelqua would love his builds, he’d like the animals and Scars silly voices and rambles. He’d also love Scar’s off road wheelchair/ATV, it’s so fast ! He’d absolutely eat all of Scar’s snacks, he’d be talking a mile a minute when Grian shows to pick him up, he just silently glares at Scar.

I love when people draw Doc with Doccy on the server, just a big scary goat and his little goat kid, it’s why he has a soft spot around Xelqua, he’s so tiny. Tho I can only see them interacting if Xelqua accidentally ends up in his base area, got lost maybe. I think Xelqua wouldn’t be scared of Doc despite his looks bc 1) he looks like Scar’s zoo animals (big Goat) and 2) Doc has a kid too, so he’s gotta be safe. Grian is very confused when he sees Doc calling him.

The Joe Hills part almost made me choke AKDNDKSK Joe being a puppet is my favourite design it’s so silly. Xelqua watches a lot of TV, he’d be in awe… so happy to see a real life puppet… Grian has to grab his hands to stop him from choking Joe out.

I think Xelqua would just be intimidated by Cleo at first, he’d warm up to her ! Him being scared of Cub bc of the fireworks is so true tho, Xelqua very much hates the noise and is actively afraid of thunder, he’ll wake Grian up if a storm rolls in at night, and probably hide behind him if a firework went off and no one told him it’d be so loud !

poor Joel 😭😭⁉️⁉️ tho if Joel grabbed Xelqua and covered his mouth like that, Grian is immediately there, he crosses the room so quickly man Watchers don’t play around abt their kids 😭💥 Grian doesn’t even realize he moved or separated them, for a split second his brain didn’t see this as a joke or playing around. Joel gets to see those purple eyes up closeeee and shouts

this was very cute and silly to read ehehehe, also for some reason I think Xelqua would think that Xisuma is Grian’s uncle, no idea how he came to this conclusion.

[fioreofthemarch]

repast

Fandom: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom Pairing: Link/Zelda Words: 880 [✨read the oneshot's two companion pieces: yearnings and kin]

The first thing Link began to wonder about the Light Dragon – once his tears for her ran dry and his grief made room for a growing curiosity – was whether she ever got hungry.

In her previous life, she’d had a utilitarian relationship with food. Link had cooked all manner of dishes for her, and each one she would eat in a straight-forward, disciplined manner, dutifully setting about tidying up once she was done. If he asked what her favourite meal was, she’d say, ‘All of them!’

Now, it was possible that dragons didn’t need to eat. Immortality, its terribleness aside, probably had benefits like that. The question was, would they want to?

Link hadn’t paid the Light Dragon much mind during his travels. Dragons seemed to be ten a rupee these days, arising out of chasms, swimming over villages, winding through canyons and so on. Now that he had learned who the Light Dragon really was – telling himself he’d known for a long time to muffle the anguished guilt he felt at not having known right away – he had begun to track her movements. Occasionally, she would break her kingdom-spanning flight path to spend a few hours circling the skyward Temple of Time. It was there that he waited for her now.

“Zelda, I’ve come to make your favourite,” he called up to the Light Dragon from the roof of the temple, unsure if she’d heard. Undeterred, he set up a cookpot and began, sauteeing a dozen apples in a hefty amount of goat butter – this being the only meal Zelda had ever requested of him, maybe two winters ago on a freezing evening camped somewhere in Hebra. She’d said if she had one wish, it’d be a hot buttered apple, and with pride Link had made that wish come true.

At first, the Light Dragon didn’t seem to notice him. He considered hitting her with an apple-fused arrow to get her attention, but was worried he’d discover, in retaliation, that dragons had a taste for humans. Over the course of an hour however, she circled lower and lower towards the temple and the cookpot, until she gently touched down, her body wound around the outer perimeter of the roof. She rested her head by the cookpot, a huge bright eye fixed directly on Link. He froze, unsure if she was really in there, and also what the proper etiquette would be when dining with a dragon. As if in answer, she sniffed at the pot of apples. Taking one in hand, Link offered it slowly out to her; she sniffed it again and opened her mouth just enough for him to push the apple between her teeth. In astonishment Link watched as the otherworldly creature munched carefully on the apple and opened her toothy jaws for a second.

Half a dozen more he fed her this way and each one she ate faster, opening her mouth wider to demand more. By now the supply of savoury-sweet apples was running low. “I’ve only got a couple left, Zelda, but I can come back—”

Chomp! The Light Dragon snapped its jaws down around the cook pot, sending apples flying in all directions. Link reached up and grabbed the edge of the pot, trying to yank it free. “Stop! You can’t eat this! Let go!”

Then he was falling, relinquished from the Light Dragon’s teeth when she roared, and he landed on the gravel just before the cookpot landed on him. He cried out in pain, and in response the Light Dragon recoiled, drawing up into herself, the roof shingles crunching under her claws. 

Dusting himself off, Link set about collecting the apples, finding them flung across the roof and soiled with gravel. With a sigh, he prepared to throw them into the cooking fire when, at his side, something soft nudged his arm. The Light Dragon, or Zelda, or whatever mix of the two she was, tapped him with the very tip of her snout, having crept back towards him. In Link’s hand was the final apple, mostly intact. The Light Dragon nudged him again, making a low rumbling noise, barely more than a whine. 

“It’s okay, apology accepted,” Link said. “Glad you still like my cooking, old girl.”

Then, the idea coming upon him with a laugh, Link threw the apple as high as he could. There was a tornado of rushing air and dust as the Light Dragon soared upwards, unwrapping herself from temple and launching herself in pursuit of the apple, which she caught with a swift snap of her jaws. Her prize seized, she descended again to fly past Link, so fast he could barely touch her, before rising into the sky and out of reach. Her way of saying thank you, he supposed. 

Later on, returning to the surface and Demon King-shaped task at hand, Link would horde apples by the dozen and spend even his last rupee on goat butter whenever he stopped by a town. From then, he knew that if his grief struck stronger than he could handle, he could return to the Temple of Time with as many apples as he could carry, and dine with Zelda again - just like they once had, in times gone by. 

[kit-williams]

I wanna be your slave

White Scar: Nogai Sengik Darling: Хонгор which means honey in Mongolian

tw: yandere, corruption kink?

TAG LIST: @bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog @thevoidscreams-a-back

You were going to get married soon... to be the 5th wife of the first son of a neighboring tribe. Your parents were getting a number of goats for this agreement. Your friend, Yesui, sat next to you as the two of you were weaving in the field just looking out at the distance... you would lose this view... you would loose Yesui... you would lose seeing Lord Nogai maneuver as fast as he could around the rocks on the path from the impossibly distant fortress of the White Scars.

But this is your fate as the 7th daughter of your father but from his 3rd wife... to not marry for love but for duty. You were going to miss it all... as you lean against Yesui letting your hands stall as the words told you so many times... 'you shall do this for the good of the family'... 'you can easily learn to love your husband'... 'it hardly matters as long as he keeps you alive...'

You could feel Yesui hug you tightly... she was lucky... she got to be the first wife to one of the boys that she truly fancied... you? Well you were assured he wasn't going to beat you but it seemed that after his 2nd wife... his 3rd and 4th wife he had trouble to remember their names and that made your heart ache. "You'll be okay." She says petting your head as you just numbly nodded... "Oh look! It's Lord Nogai oh his speeder bike." She says trying her best to get you to perk up as you watch him race faster than the wind down the dangerous winding path in the distance.

You remember when he learned that you and Yesui tended to sit here and were able to watch him you could tell it always made him swell with pride. Your tribe was less nomadic and in a central spot that allowed the white scars to visit a few times a month when they knew a new tribe would be passing by and be able to recruit. It meant that Lord Nogai could show off his skills and then drive up to you and Yesui and talk perhaps occasionally share a quick meal before you tell him which families are here.

"You can be brave..." Yesui whispers knowing you were tempted to not even tell Lord Nogai of what was going to happen... but Yesui swore that there was a fondness he held for you in his eyes and besides... everyone else knew what was going on why not someone who would eventually come and possibly collect your sons?

The bike came to a stop just at the top of the hill they were on and the two of them went to go greet Lord Nogai as he took off his helmet and his dark brown nearly black eyes looked at the two of them as his black hair was tied back and now only being tussled by the wind. "And my two favorite girls!" He says with mirth and laugh as this was something you'd miss... no matter the occasion... he would be happy... he could make you laugh and make you savor life as easily as he rushes into battles with a smile on his lips and joy in his heart.

"So who is visiting the clan today." He says as you two tell him who is there and you can see the quirk in his eyebrow when you mention on how the Yeke are here.

"They normally don't visit around this time of year what's the occasion?" He says cocking his as Yesui elbows you and this causes Nogai to focus on you with a smile still on his face.

"I'm getting married to Sukh." You finally say feeling the pressure leave your chest like a hawk with a kill in its talons.

Nogai makes a half sucking in air half click of his tongue against his teeth sort of noise as his brown nearly black eyes look away as if processing that information. "So when will you be in your new husband's home?" He asks in an oddly worded way but you dismiss it as just him being above such things.

"Next year once the lambs are fat and weaned from their mothers." You say unenthused... you can't help but think how you'll miss Nogai as he comes around so often but you've been spoiled for attention... spoiled for his friendship.

He nods before putting his helmet back on, "Well we have many more times we can still converse and share some curds to eat." He says with his chipper voice. The two of them back away from the massive bike as he drives off with a simple goodbye and you sigh as you lean against Yesui.

"See that wasn't so hard." Yesui says as you .

"Yeah... you're right." But oh how wrong you were. Homecoming was a nightmare as you placed the baskets down and look at the family as one of your sisters comes by and slaps you screaming at you. Suddenly so many people were screaming at you as you were being talked to, talked down too... praised by your one grandmother as she kissed your cheeks holding your face just crooning happily. Your heart was hammering as you were brought home as you looked at your father and his wives.

"Sit." Was all he said and banished everyone else however grandmother took her spot in the yurt with a smile on her face as she looks around before gesturing to your father to start. He inhales looking at you sternly, "What did you do."

You look at your father confused, "I have been out in the fields-"

"Did you spread your legs for him too? Was Sukh not good enough?" One of the wives said.

"What?"

"Be quiet." Your father snaps to her before looking at you again. "Nogai. He came to the village as it sounds like you know. What did he say to you?"

You wonder what Nogai said... normally everyone was thrilled by his visits; though you saw him pass by and did not see a boy with him so no one was suitable enough to be taken for the space marines which would be cause for celebration. "He asked the normal affairs... I mentioned that I was getting married to Sukh of the Yeke..."

Your grandmother lets out her whistling laugh. As you watch your father sigh and everyone seems to shift in rolling emotions, "While I was talking with the Yeke... Nogai came and made his usual pleasantries..."

"He asked for your hand in marriage in front of the Yeke." Your grandmother interrupts laughing and you look at her shocked.

"He did what?" You manage to say.

"Don't play dumb! What did you do?! Why have you brought this upon us? You were suppose to get married and-" the second wife begins.

"Be quiet!" Your father snaps again and you just grip your dress looking confused. "Have you been seducing him behind our backs?" He says sternly.

"No!" You say quickly as you hardly have flirted with the warrior. Perhaps in passing... failed attempts from you before you were told whom you were to marry. The most scandalous thing you can think of is sitting in his lap as he let you ride on his bike with him and perhaps sharing some food with him letting him feed you some rich food as you shared your simple curds and other hand made meals for him. "Nothing I have done... I.. no I have been a good daughter." You say desperate to defend yourself. Your eyes glance to your mother but she refuses to make eye contact with you most likely cowing to the wrath of the second wife... you cannot read the indifference that exudes from the head wife... you can feel the mirth from your paternal grandmother. No one is happy with you... "Father-"

"Out. I need to think." He demands and like a good daughter... you obey. You stay away from your sisters who hold their wrathful mother's opinion... a whore. Is what you hear whispered... how dare you seduce an Astartis? When you knew your place. You feel the desire to cry but you decide to hold it all in until the next day during chores to cry... everyone else is called for meal... it is a brother that tells you that father still is upset and deciding your fate.

The wind is cold... as you sit outside just waiting as you soon hear that whistling laugh as a small portable pot is placed next to you. "Yesui would appreciate the extra food... given her moon blood is about to end..." She says with a small knowing smile.

"What did I do? What happened?"

She starts to laugh again petting your head, "Your father and the patriarch of the Yeke were finalizing your marriage to Sukh when Nogai entered. Jovial as always but like a trickster he hid his intentions close to his chest. He sat with them... ate and drank with them... showed your father one of his trophies from a great distant conflict... its a wonderful knife. Refused to take it back and when your father asked why. Nogai said it was his offering for your marriage. Everyone was stunned... and it only all fell apart after Nogai left. Personally dear I am happy for you my great aunt got married to a white scar. His second wife is angry at you..." She waves her hand, "Upset that not one of her daughters could catch his eyes but it was you."

"But I didn't do anything?" You say feeling the tears threaten the corners of your eyes.

"Why do you feel like you have to have done something? That's why my great aunt was chosen as I was told... they simply pick a person they like. Go eat with Yesui." She said petting your head one last time before you go over to her yurt and lucky for her she and her husband are willing to house you for the night.

The next month is miserable as your family sways between praise and condemnation... how she feels like more of an outcast and she practically flees to the field when she hears the Yeke are coming back around. Father seeing if he can't marry off another daughter... its all but guaranteed that Nogai will marry you but you feel so mad.

You avoid him when he comes in to the village but there is no avoiding him when he leaves as he parks his bike and comes to you. "Will you share a meal with me, Хонгор?"

You slap his chest ignoring the pain in your hand as hot tears roll down your cheek a months worth of anger. "Why are you so foolish!" You shout at the space marine as he sits down unfolding the bundle. He lights the small portable fire and sets a pot down on it reheating the meal as he is clearly listening to you but setting up his meal. "Why! Why have you done this!" He pours himself some fermented milk as he motions for you to sit, "NO! I will not! You have caused my family to be in an uproar over your actions! My father's 2nd wife is seething at me... my own mother will not defend me... the Yeke are threatening my family for making them look foolish!" Your tears roll down your cheeks as you're so mad at Nogai. "WHY!"

He sets down his mug, "I did not think my request would upset you. Perhaps I should have..." He mused his words... his eyes looking to the sky before softening, "I should have told you my intentions. And for that I apologize." You squirmed under his apology as this wasn't what you were expecting.

You wipe your overflowing eyes as you sob at the concern on his face... everyone who did support you had to do so softly and then you feel him wrap you up in a hug as you hug him back. "Why did you ruin everything?"

"Ruin?"

"This is what I was told I would do... told I would be! I was a good daughter and now my siblings are calling me names... I was slapped the day I came home! I was a good daughter!"

"You never stopped being good, Хонгор..." You feel the ghost of his lips against the side of your head. "My dear Хонгор... it will be alright."

"What wife will I be?" You say sniffling.

"Out of all of the wives I have had or currently." He says with a cheeky smile in his voice.

"I care not."

"You will be my first and so far only wife... so I suppose you'd be a head wife." He says pulling you back into the long grass with him his arms wrapped around you as you can smell the stew cooking hearing the bubbling of the contents inside the pot.

"Why..." You say softly listening to his hearts beat and of course he would hear you speak.

"Why else would a man take a wife? Yes perhaps to secure alliances... to secure cooperation between families..." He sits up with you and you feel his hand under your chin tilt your face up to look into his gentle brown eyes, "But I want you because I love you."

Your throat tightens as your eyes meet his as your breath is held for far too long... his mouth kissing just the corner of yours. "White Scars rarely take wives. My grandmother told me... you all are free spirits laughing... lovers you will take and like trickster spirits fleeting lovers... so-"

You are cut off as he takes your hand and presses it to his throat. Your hand trembles at the feeling of just his throat against your hand... you feel unworthy to hold it but he keeps it there as he leans in pressing his forehead to yours. "I offer you myself... I offer to be a kind and fair husband... I offer you my freedom."

"Nogai no." You say recoiling but he keeps your hand on his throat, his hand on your hip, keeping you close.

"Yes Хонгор. Listen to me... I give you my all. I give you myself." He says with devotion in his eyes, "I can take you away right now..." He whispers... "I gave your father payment for you... you can come away with me. It's all your choice..." His hands cup your face and you realize you're holding his throat all on your own. Your heart beating fast and hard as no mortal woman should have this much power... is this what your grandmother's great aunt felt when she was taken? Your heart and mind are racing as everything you've been taught... been told to sacrifice are all falling to the wayside as you pull yourself closer and kiss him.

A meal is shared between the two of you and you know he lingers longer than he normally does but you are unwilling to let him part... He tells you he will only leave when you dismiss him... and you let him linger... until it is so very late and he offers you to rest with him as he seems to have a small tarp to make a lean to with.

Perhaps you could be a little selfish?

[iamthemain-character]

Sankt Milo

platonic! The Crows x reader

gender neutral pronouns (reader is referred to as “you” and the occasional “Y/n”)

TW: show-based, non-canon compliant, 2014-Avengers-Tower-fic-type of writing

a/n: milo is my favorite character. that’s all.

Shadow and Bone Masterlist

You had been absent for almost a week.

Sunday afternoon, you simply disappeared from the club and hadn’t returned since. The only reason the Crows hadn’t completely panicked yet was because you had left notes for all of them saying you had to leave but you would return (each with a special indication that you did not write this as you were being kidnapped). Nonetheless, The Crow Club felt emptier without you, and each member missed you terribly.

It was storming late that Friday, and after closing the club post-another successful night, all 6 crows were gathered around a table, enjoying a drink together. With a clap of thunder the group heard the back door slam open, then shut again. Everyone drew their weapons, hearing heavy footsteps slosh their way across the wooden floors. A figure, cloaked in shadow, stopped in the entryway from the storage rooms, and everyone waited with baited breath to strike.

With a flash of lightning, the figure’s shadows were cast aside, revealing you. A very drenched and bedraggled you, but you nonetheless.

“Y/n!” 5 voices cried out.

“Milo!” Jesper’s voice carried over the others, for even more astonishing than your return was the furry, black and white animal you carried in your arms.

The Zemeni man quickly crossed the room, but not without Nina, Inej, and Wylan on his heels. The latter three took your hands, throwing a dry blanket over your shoulders and Jesper carefully took the goat from your arms, pressing kisses to it’s head over and over.

“Oh Milo, I have thought of you every day.”

The group helped you sit down at the table, bringing more towels and blankets, and Kaz pouring you a strong drink. But despite your shivering, you couldn’t help the smile that cracked across your face as you watched your friend reunited with his emotional support goat old friend.

Wylan turned to you, an incredulous look on his face. “That’s Milo?”

Nina and Matthias had matching confused expressions on their faces, but it was Nina who spoke up. “So did you disappear without a trace for the goat or was that just a happy accident? Also why is Jesper in love with a goat?”

With a laugh, some help from Inej, and some quips from Kaz, you told the newer Crows of the treacherous and disastrous journey the group had taken through The Fold and how Jesper had formed a trauma-bond with this particular goat.

Jesper came back to your table, Milo still clutched in his arms, just as you were explaining yourself.

“Jesper was so sad to say goodbye to Milo, and I just wanted to get him back. But I didn’t want to tell you guys that’s what I was doing in case I wasn’t successful. But thankfully that sweet barmaid had sent him to her father’s farm, and I was able to buy him back.”

“Please tell me you didn’t spend too much for that goat.” Kaz’s voice cut, head turned with his classic look of disapproval.

No longer able to be scared by Dirtyhands, you waved him off. “No price is too much for our little Milo.” With a smirk you turned back to the club owner, “Perhaps we should rename this place The Goat Club?”

The table roared with laughter at the pure look of disgust upon Kaz’s face at your simple suggestion. Inej reached across and scratched Milo’s chin, a smile upon her face. “That’s not so bad, after all, Milo is like our own little Saint.”

Nina clasped her hands together, delighted at the Suli girl’s suggestion. “Sankt Milo! Oh how perfect. I am all for the changing of the name.”

Kaz’s voice broke through the laughter. “We are not changing the name, and we are not keeping it.”

Despite what he said, Wylan found himself grateful for Jesper’s arms around him as they fell asleep, because otherwise the former feared he would have fallen of the edge of the bed. Somehow, one small goat seemed to take up half the bed.

And even though Kaz swore that the goat would be sold in the morning, everyone turned a blind eye when he placed a plate of waffles down for Milo in the morning.

That was, everyone turned a blind eye until Nina realized they were her waffles.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

Watching Agatha All Along Maiden Mother Crone

AGATHA SPOILERS!!

OH MY GOD I HEAR NATURE IS IT A FLASHBACK

OH MY GOD IT IS!!!!

Oooooooo is she giving birth?! Oh yup🥺

The way she cuts into a lemon to help her muffle her screams(and also keeping herself hydrated) 🥺

RIO?

The way Agatha is stuck and can't move and then Rio just approaches her slowly 😭

"please let him live, please my love!"

😭

Oh, Rio said she could give her some time😭😭😭 that's the special treatment that Agatha got😭

Oh my god😭 oh my god, she made him from scratch 😭 I love her so much more but man that hurts

Because Rio looked truly torn😭

The way Agatha carries him is so fucking cute😭

Aw he's not feeling well 😭😭

Oh no, Agatha is so right to be unnerved by the witches approaching herz they give creepy vibes

Oh nope nevermind they were decent she just ate their power

Nicolas is so cute oh my god😭

Oh man Agatha, you had to have your child become apart of your hustle 😭

The way she's a little bothered by his questions

Aw her little teasing until he changed the tune of the song to include her😭

Oh no🥺 water🥺 I feel like he drowns🥺

I love how they're vibing with the goat

"Use your purple."

"My what?"

"Your purple!" They're adorable

Oh my god the way she says she can't protect him from when Rio will return and then had to turn away as she cried so he wouldn't see😭

Aw, the clips of them making memories while singing is killing me 😭🥺

He reminds me so much of young Billy

Awwww him singing in the bar is so cute oh my god, Agatha pretending to be a stranger

Aw, the way Nicky ran away 😭😭

The way he promises his mom that that they can kill more witches tomorrow 😭 my poor boy

The way he seems worried she's gonna yell at him but instead she starts singing 😭

My poor boy is sick😭 oh no, he's gonna fall asleep but not wake up😭😭😭 I just feel it in my bones

Rio🥺

The way Rio looks like she's holding back tears as she becons him towards her😭

The way she made him go back to kiss Agatha 😭😭

Noooooo my girl is waking up without him there

Wait, no he's still there🥺 but she his body🥺

Oh my god🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

Her cries break my heart

Her take on the song is heartbreaking and the way she buries her heart with her child makes her ruthlessness in killing witches even more painful

The witches road doesn't exist oh my god👀

I am SCREAMING

That's why she tried to deny the existence of it to Billy oh my god😭

I'm screaming oh my god

Wait, was Agatha just trying to make Billy think she was dead so he would move on👀

I love her outfits so much oh my god

The way she just upped her hustle

I LOVE ALL HER OUTFITS I'M SCREAMING

But that means she killed Alice's mom👀

I love her Rock outfit so much tho

That's why she made Billy go upstairs 👀 she was gonna kill them👀

And why she was so shocked by the door actually appearing oh my god👀

I bet that's when she realized who he may be👀

I am so happy Agatha is alive

Wait what

She's a ghost?

The way she's laughing about being a ghost

She looks like the comic I'm screeching

The way she looks like she wants to touch him or something to comfort him when he's rambling

The way Agatha still doesn't remember Sharon 😂

The way she's trying to offer him comfort, in that he saved a life (Jennifer's)🥺

I really hope Agatha pops up occasionally as a ghost to cause misgeif

The way she admits she was gonna kill them all from day one😂

The way she repeats the words she said to her son🥺

Oooooooooooo he went to Agatha's house🥺

THE BASEMENT 👀

Oh the door is still there👀

Agatha lounging on the washing machine is hilarious 😂 but also what happens to her rabbit

Oh🥺 she is only there cause she wants her locket 👀

The way she's just getting more irritated that he's ignoring her😂

The way she's trying to guess what the magic is😂 she's always getting stumped by Wanda and her kids lol

The way she doesn't want him to banish her🥺 and she's getting upset

Oh my god🥺 the way she managed to knock her locket out of his hand🥺😭 because she can't face her son😭😭😭

Aw man

I really like to think that Rio has been taking care of Nicky on the other side🥺

Aw😭 the way she says that Billy reminds her of him😭

Aw, the way he says she could be his spirit guide 🥺

The way she gives him the warning that she tends to kill her coven members

Aw, he created a shrine in their honor I'm sobbing 😭

Her proud, sad smile😭🥺

OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONNA FIND TOMMY!!!!!!

Ok, I'm ok they killed Agatha because it was just her body they killed.

[boolger]

A lapdog at a farm - snippet - COD

CHAPTER ONE IS OUT <3 TUMBLR OR AO3

This is a snip of the first chapter for my upcoming wip fic 🫡 yes I have 20+ other projects, no I will not stop myself. This is not really checked for mistakes and stuff will probably change in the actual first chapter of the fic. But here u go, a snack for my sinners.

Word count: 2.5k-ish words

Hybrid!Reader x Price, reader x kinda poly141 later in fic, more to come

Small summary: This is an AU with Price becoming a farmer, hybrid dog!reader as a spoiled pet who doesn’t want to live this country life and hybrid working dogs!Gaz, Simon and Soap, who gets bought by Price. Chaos and smut ensues. Anyways, there won’t be this much in this snip.

Minors do not interact. I will block you if I can’t see any kind of indication of age on your blog.

Cw: There is the whole aspect of holding hybrids as pets, there is violence and punishments in this snippet, being hit with a belt. there is smut at the end (not much). Reader has a pussy, she/her. Reader is chubby but I tried my best to keep other descriptions vague.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The countryside was peaceful compared to the city; the lack of the bustling streets and constant traffic, created a quietness that was hard to describe.

Out here, at the new farm, the noise came from animals that lived in the stables and barn, the occasional rumble as a tractor turned on. The wind tickled the never ending fields of wheat and the long rows of fruit trees, under which the goats and sheep walked most days.

Here the stress wasn't like in the city. Sure, there were stressful moments and sometimes Price looked like he needed to sleep for more than just the few hours he got everyday.

But he didn’t have to worry about the morning traffic, waiting in a queue for an overpriced, questionable tea or coffee. There was no need for him to wear a suit, no noisy, overfilled train cars in the underground. No crowded dog or hybrid parks, no meetings or rules to follow - except those John Price decided for himself.

He was happy, it was clear to you. It had been three months since the move - he had gone back to his roots, buying back the farm that his parents had used to own a little while ago, using some of his endless wealth on renovating the place. There was no step on the stairs that was loose, like it used to when he was a kid - sure they still creaked, but you weren’t afraid they would disappear from beneath you.

It was modernized, but most of the old charm left. Price fit right in; the furniture he had inherited and never believed he would use was suddenly in the living room. His knowledge of the business world was abandoned in the city, for the knowledge of farming that he still had left from his youth. John got a couple of farm hands and workers, who helped him with the big place.

It was like he reclaimed his own self that had been buried beneath ties and paperwork. Now he didn’t smoke his cigars from stress, but from pleasure, clearly much happier.

It was like the farm had made John Price happy once more; his smiles more genuine, his true self stepping forth. Returning to his childhood home and taking over the farm had been the best decision Price had made. There was no question about it.

… and you hated every bloody day at the farm.

The early morning hours being disturbed by the farm waking up, the rooster crowing and John leaving the bed, giving you a pat in between your ears. The constant bugs, the muddy stables and the big animals, the helpers who always teased you for not fitting in, the lack of friends you had out here.

You were not made for farm life. Literally. Simply not made for it.

Some would argue that you, as a hybrid pet, didn’t have a say in it and sure, legally you didn’t. But you were a lapdog, an elegant pet. Not a farm dog. Created to be cared for and cuddled, you were a purebred cocker spaniel hybrid; you weren’t made to run around on a farm, following John on his duties And doing work.

Sure, you had the instincts to hunt a few things here and there, but it was mostly balls and the occasional bird or squirrel. You weren’t a guard hybrid, not really a working dog.

You had had enough trauma throughout your life - you deserved not to be forced into this!

You wanted John to be happy, you really did - you loved your Master! When he bought you a few years ago, when you were still aggressive and unruly (… more than now at least), you had thought he would tire of you like everybody else had. But with patience, rules, training, praise and punishment and a whole lot of sex later, you were a perfect hybrid pet for the city! People always praised how well you looked, laughing when Price said you were really a little troublemaker. You would follow him throughout the fancy apartment, on your daily walks, sometimes for meetings.

But why the fuck did it have to be a farm? He worked around the same time that he did before, genuinely seeming to enjoy himself. Forgetting about poor you!

Out here, there were no hybrid daycare that you would go to when he had long days, there were none of your playmates nearby, everything stank of animals and there were no places nearby for you to get your hair and fur styled and pampered! No nail technicians, no fancy cafes, no shops for John to buy you things in! No special made coffee or chef-made meals every other evening, no freshly baked croissants.

You felt like you had tried. You really had.

But after the first week, you had your first breakdown - and as the weeks passed, they didn’t stop. At first, John was sympathetic, like the perfect owner he was.

Cooing at you, kissing your forehead, as he gently scratched your ears. Kissing away any tears, saying it was okay - that you were just overwhelmed, that it would be okay. That you would come to like it out here.

Big fucking joke.

He had tried every trick in the book, in an attempt to please you and made you less upset, but as days turned into weeks and tantrums began to appear, you knew his patience began to disappear.

He followed professional advice and then the advice of the neighbors down the street, Rodolfo and Alejandro (who had caught you running away at one point), tried some of the workers’ advice. He had given you your own room, and it was mostly designed like your own, perfect to the pale green paint on the wall, all your toys and dog beds, your CDs - everything. He had tried hauling you along every day, trying to give you a routine to follow - but after two weeks, he gave up, not having the energy to deal with a tantrum that got worse and worse each day. He went on walks with you, fucked you silly, tried his best — and you didn’t want it.

No, you wanted to go back to your old life. Not this country life that you hadn’t signed up for, with horses that neighed loudly whenever you passed them; they were definitely going to trample you at the first chance, you knew that. You could hear foxes scream in the night, warning you of the dangers. The goats and sheep were so fucking loud and no you didn’t want to go pick fresh apples off the trees - had he seen the size of the spiders crawling on them?

When you in one of your biggest tantrums took off and bolted from the farm in distress, Rodolfo and Alejandro had almost hit you when you emerged from the corn fields onto the road.

You had cried the entire drive home, no matter what the two men had tried saying, especially as Rodolfo called Price in advance — your master was livid. The worst thing was, that it was not that kind of anger where he yelled at you before punishing you - no, this one was almost silent, a sharp grip on your collar as he dragged you along after thanking Rudy and Ale.

He had belted you then, ignoring your crying and screaming, only stopping when you broke, sobbing and going quiet. He had explained it to you then, what could have happened, what dangers you could have ended in - and as you sobbingly apologized and tried to explain, that you wanted to go back to the city, John had sighed.

Said that he had pampered you too much since he got you, which had made you greedy and attention seeking. Which only made you cry more, as you hid your face in his neck, fingers digging into his shirt, ass cheeks burning.

“Spoiled rotten, little birdie,” he mused, though you could hear the softness in him, your tail wagging a little, hoping to get him to be less mad.

“‘M sorry,” you had whined, ears tipping down, “wanna be good but I don’t like it.”

Your rather dull escape attempt resulted in several things. An AirTag on your collar, so that he always knew where you were. A remarkable lack of treats, sex and then… the crate.

You fucking hated the crate.

Sure, it hadn’t been nice of you to bite one of his pillows into a simple pulp of fabric, feathers everywhere. Or create chaos in the kitchen… or get drunk on his fancy whiskey (that one had ended worse for you, hangover was a bitch and there wasn’t much sympathy from John). And yes, you might have ripped most of the flowers surrounding the house up, until one of the workers had caught you. Maybe pissing yourself in the middle of the living room while staring him in the eyes and ignoring his warnings had been a little…excessive.

But the dog crate? You hated that thing.

Hated it when he locked you up, ignoring your whimpers and whines, your promises to behave, ignoring your little howls as he left.

Mean. The farm had made him mean. Perhaps you had become a bit unruly too, but it was like he didn’t take your clear suffering seriously.

Mean and happy - unruly and suffering. What a pair you were. One of the workers, Laswell, who was a big helper and often stayed over for dinner, suggested a fucking shock collar. You had growled, only stopped when John sent you a sharp look.

You had even heard him talking over the phone with somebody, saying that he didn’t want to rehome you, but he didn’t know what to do.

That had made you melt a little and you had cried as you had crawled into his bed a couple of hours later, begging him to not abandon you.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

It was a random morning a couple of days later, that you found him still in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, humming to himself while smoking a cigar.

He looked nice like this. Despite how he sometimes muttered about being too old, he wasn’t really that old. Late thirties, and perhaps it was the peace on his face or the sun rays that kissed him, which made him look younger. But still. There was a decade between you, but days like this, you were reminded that it didn’t matter.

“Are you going to stare all day or are you going to join me, Darling?” He asked teasingly, pulling you from your thoughts. You let out a little huff and kissed him good morning, receiving a pat on the ass before you sat down on your own seat. It had been a while since the two of you had eaten together - often he was up at the crack of dawn, so his calm behavior and gentle humming was unusual to say the least.

“Why are you not working?” You asked carefully, as you ate some of the bread, trying to ignore how it wasn’t a fancy sourdough one - though you were pretty sure he had picked it up from a local bakery in the village which was a little drive away.

“Because,” he put the paper down, then tapping some ash off the cigar into his ashtray, before looking over at you, a pleased smile on his face, “you and I are going on a trip.”

“A trip?” You didn’t even bother to be embarrassed about how your voice got higher with excitement or how your tail thumped against the backrest of the chair as you wagged it, “where are we going? When? Can we go now?”

Price had laughed, a happy sound that you knew not many got to hear; it made your heart beat a little faster, made you feel butterflies in your stomach.

“Well, we got to do a few things first to get ready, and you,” he used the cigar to point at you, your tail wagging a little faster, “need to not freak out when I tell you where we are going.”

Despite the warning, tears streamed down your cheeks when he told you. John didn’t get mad as a part of you had expected; he knew your abandonment issues first hand, knew how you had been left behind before, from one bad owner to another.

“You’re going to sell me and leave me with a mean owner and I’m gonna die of hunger and thirst - and - and —“

“Not gonna leave you, princess,” John crooned, covering your face in kisses as you hiccuped and sniffled, clinging to his clothes, “you know that. My favorite puppy. Pretty girl.”

Despite your tears and small sobs, your tail wagged at his words, “silly puppy,” he mused with a smile, gently scratching your lower back, “‘m not gonna sell you. Ale and Rodolfo are looking for a hybrid, I figured we could go look at the auction as well.”

“What if - what if - what if you’ll like them more?” You sniffled dramatically, sure that your life was only going to become worse than it already was. One thing was this bloody farm and the crate, another thing was having to share Price. You didn’t like the idea one bit. If that happened, you were going to show him how a proper tantrum was thrown - the crate would probably be the least of your worries.

As if to prove his love, John bent you over the table, fucking you in between the clattering dishes and cutlery, tea and coffee almost spilling over. Despite how many times your owner fucked you, it made you lose control of your mind every single time. His cock reached so deep inside you that it bordered on pain, your mouth open as you panted and moaned at each thrust; your soft stomach being pressed against the edge of the table, one hand holding onto the back of your collar, the other on your tail. The table rattled, John groaned and moaned, your fingers desperately trying to hold onto anything.

“My princess,” he snarled darkly into your ear, “you’ll always be mine-“ a moan, a grunt, “- no matter what happens, yeah?”

“Yes ye-ah- yes, sir, I’m yours - ah ah - I’m yours!” you managed in between pants and wails of pleasure, fear of abandonment forgotten in the ocean of euphoric satisfaction.

You came harder than you had for a while; the reminder of your worth, of how you deserved his worship, making you cream around his throbbing length, legs in spasms afterwards. He pushed deeper, filling you up with a loud roar like sound, his hands moving to grab onto the fat of your ass and hips as he came. Pain and pleasure made your toes curl and a content sigh left you, your tail wagging against Price as he chuckled.

[kayakoto-enterprises]

Welcome! I'm Julianne / Jenkins (they/she). I am 19 years old!

🍓 I'm Julianne / Jenkins! I'm an Multi Media Art student, amateur illustrator, self shipper, and professional silly little guy (autistic)!! I am nonbinary and a lesbian :3

🍓 This is my main blog which is an amalgamation of my art, my interests, written works, and reblogs!

🍓 Mainly a self shipping blog

🍓 Hey! I have a blog PURELY dedicated to Beneath The Trees Where Nobody Sees. Essays, fanart, fanfics, news, everything!

🍓 pssst...my comms are always opennnn!

🍓 I'm interested in animation in general, vintage and cutesy aesthetics, toys, sweets ^_^

Main Interests: (Pink text are my special interests!)

Beneath The Trees Where Nobody Sees, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Sailor Moon, Saint Young Men, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Sonic the Hedgehog, Rodney Alan Greenblat works (PaRappa, Dazzeloids, mascot projects), Sanrio, The Mountain Goats, They Might Be Giants

🍰🍰My Self Ships! 🍰🍰

💐 House Guest: 💉Samantha Strong x Julianne Lucky I am not normal about them in da slightest tehehehe! main ship

💐 Stuffed Animal: 🧸Lesley x The Illustrator secondary self ship. Lesley is still a main f/o but you can blame DHMIS for being notoriously slow on any updates.

💐Sappho Suffocating: 🍰 Working on a interfandom polycule w both f/os!

I am not comfortable with sharing of any kind! I headcanon both these characters as lesbians. Do not derail!

These tags host my ramblings, writing, headcanons, and art for these ships. I also occasionally post non-specific imagines although most are targeted towards the fem!f/o demographic...

I also post. Normal BTTWNS art and analysis which you can find here! (seriously you should read this series..)

Guess this should also go without saying but PROSHIP / COMSHIP / DARKSHIP DO NOT INTERACT.

I explore heavy subject matter due to the source media of both f/os. Heavier warning for House Guest because it gets a bit intense. Please remember that none of my ships should be read as abusive. I just enjoy exploring these complex characters through hypotheticals and am only working within what the creators have stated about their personalities.

I sometimes post suggestive text/memes/art so please block tags such as [suggestive text] or [suggestive] if ur uncomfortable or a minor.

Do not also interact if you share f/os. Please just be nice! I'm still figuring out how to sort this blog up!

My askbox is always open if you wanna chat and be friends! I love you! ;O