#but it made me break down in tears
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I should really see a therapist (unfortunately im broke with no insurance so I'll just vent in the tags)
#I'm in a studio apartment I can barely afford#and have been applying to other jobs so that this 2nd job can help boost my income#but my dad sent me a link to a job fair and a cheap apartment 2 hours upstate and I know he's trying to help#but it made me break down in tears#mainly because I lived upstate for 2 years and I was miserable up there so even going up to around poughkepsie makes me anxious#he definitely knows how traumatic my time upstate was (panic attacks on a weekly basis#esp with the rise of anti-queer hate crimes)#but what really broke me was the idea of being more than an hour away from my entire support network (my friends) who dont have cars#like I know it's not unusual for ppl to move away or lose touch#but specifically these two have been my threads of sanity lately and have been by my side at my lowest lows and I'm scared of losing them#like sure zoom exists but idk#I was already on edge because of all the job hunting and financial stress#vent
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seb wants to be pet, too 😤💕 ((TYSM to @angel-fr0m-venus for asking how seb would react to clora petting all the cats around the school/hogsmeade BAHAHA. like a neglected puppy, thats how🐶))
#and thank you for the kind words as well!! im glad you like my content so much your ask was so sweet🥹💖and ty for the inspo!!#i like how yesterday i was all OH ART WILL BE SLOWER and then i immediately finish this and post it LOL.. this was supposed to be a doodle#i was getting my ass handed to me in elden ring last night and needed a break.......my spirit can only take so much#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x oc#clora clemons#hogwarts legacy sebastian#choccyart#my family had to put our 18 year old black cat down this month so thats why i made clora petting a black cat🥲 MAY have teared up#also clora has a pet cat named winnie that seb knows about so i assume when he watches her pet all the cats hes like aw u miss him#but that only goes so far until he gets jelly and then HE wants rubs LOL#no not those kind of rubs#but also yes those kind of rubs🍆
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my fav photos of max and daniel from this weekend because i need happiness rn + the clip from max’s radio of him thanking daniel
#my boys#i genuinely cannot do this anymore#I’m trying really hard to not think anything about unconfirmed news#but any daniel related content i see keeps sending me into tears#i hate this sport and how at the end of the day it just comes down to business not the actual sport#my heart is truly breaking and everything just feels like an awful dream#but a max podium and daniel fastest lap made me feel a bit better#max verstappen#daniel ricciardo#maxiel#singapore gp 2024#f1
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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Move complete 😭
#there were more tears than i thought i had left in me#it hurt a lot#but many hours of driving later and we have made it#everything is unloaded#and now i just have to go through the ordeal of unpacking and getting everything organised#my parents are insisting that not everything i have brought will fit#but their solution is 'storage unit' - readers this storage unit it a random shipping container on some plot of rural land#that has a string of break ins on its history#so i am not enthused about putting any of my things in this storage unit#but more than that#these are *my things*#i have already parted with so much to get it down to these few boxes and items of furniture#i will make them fit no matter what#they just have to give me a few days to try out different configurations of furniture and stuff#and i will figure it out#i will#if im gonna live here then you can be certain im gonna make it feel as much like a home as possible#so yeah#the hardest part is over!!#we can start to work on healing#looking forward#we move#no matter what#we keep moving forward
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There is absolutely no reason IEYTD 3's opening song has to go that hard
#“You showed me the door - well I'm breaking it down. even YOU can't ignore the new world that I found”#“Now I'm forging a fight - one I'm certain to win - all that's left is who's right and who pays for their sins”#“Gears of change will grind in strange ways - tearing down the walls we made”#“Now who are you? Another form of control. Understand what I do is the WORK OF A SOUL”#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS#HOW IS THIS FROM AN OBSCURE VR GAME#guys I swear this is not just bc Dr Prism is hot#guys listen.#ieytd 3#roxana prism#i expect you to die
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had a lot of time on my hands today so i read the comic adaptation of the 2004 movie and this part was like the one thing i liked. make that man miss his family! make him clutch a picture of them to his chest and cry! yeah!
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#everything else about this comic was worse than the movie#from the various -phobias and -isms to just. the way it was paced#the pacing was so bad it made me genuinely need to take a break and stare across the hall#like damn. speedrunning this? this whole thing?#it was a 3-parter and entirety of part 1 was the first 10 minutes of the movie#and then the other 2 were the rest. THATS INSANE#but yeah something about frank telling himself hes not going to grieve because its pointless and stupid and he has to be cold and strong#and then breaking down into tears anyway. something about that is good#god if i think about it too long i get sad. my baby
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back by unpopular demand: me, with my manhwa posting :)
titles discussed:
the pawn' revenge (18+)
sign (18+)
dawn of the dragon (18+)
cold blooded beast / in cold love (18+, idk why manta and lezhin translated it differently...sidenote I prefer the manta tl, it was more smoothly translated imo)
necromancer survival
red limit (18+)
frenemies: thicker than blood (18+)
dead man's switch (18+)
in the doghouse (18+)
4 week lovers (18+ on lezhin, 15+ on manta)
the pawn's revenge (18+) - i love you crime thrillers i love you damaged manipulative protagonists and i love you ride-or-die ML's who will do anything for love. it's a pretty gritty story about being sold off as a prostitute to the red light district, and what you would do to escape that situation, even if that means teaming up with a kidnapper/serial killer to claw your way to the top. ofc it does develop beyond that, and especially in s3 i am really interested to see how je-oh will go against hee-seo, as well as how he's gonna go about addressing the fact he genuinely loves and cares about seong-rok, despite his better judgment. idk man i just really love je-oh as a character, i want to study him under a microscope. i'm always biased towards manipulative characters who are a little fucked in the head <3 i really liked this one, but i would proceed with caution because there is non-con/dub-con in this one (not between the MC and ML except for 1 instance in s3).
sign (18+) - god this shit was so cute i wanted to explode. it's a pretty low-stakes, feel-good, fluffy read with some pretty good smut. it's about a guy who works part-time at a cafe owned by a deaf person, and their relationship is so OUGH..........god they're so cute, they are so down bad for each other and at the very end i thought to myself "damnb...maybe love IS real.......". i'm not deaf so i can't fully speak on how well the story represents deaf people, but just from an outsider's perspective it doesn't feel like the story treated him as an object of pity nor does it erase his disability, and he also has a lot of agency with regards to his decisions, so he's definintly not depicted as helpless. i do want to say that the plot does dry up a bit in s3 and it mainly focuses on the side couple (which unfortunately i wasn't super interested in), but other than that i HIGHLY recommend this if you're looking for a light read!! i have this bookmarked as a comfort read and it's also one of my faves for now <3
dawn of the dragon (18+) - i'm always a sucker for reincarnation stories and clingy ML's, so this one got me hook line and sinker. the dragon ML is so cute, i want to tuck him in and give him some hot choccy <3 the MC is also such a funny asshole, and his relationship with the ML is such a delight to read. one thing i do wanna say tho is they used the amnesia plot device twice???? once for the ML and another time for the MC, which made me go "ok......but why......???" like idk i don't think it was necessary to give the MC amnesia, it almost just felt like an excuse to go back to the chasing phase rather than have them in an established relationship. just my opinion though eheh 🤪
cold blooded beast / in cold love (18+) - not sure why manta and lezhin translated the title differently, but i will say right now that i think the manta tl is better. for some reason the lezhin tl localized a lot of terms (they changed "imugi" to "basilisk" and "yeoju" to "magic stone (????)") which confused me like just add a tl note, i PROMISE it's not gonna kill you to keep the original terms. it's another reincarnation story involving dragons and tragic pasts and amnesia, and the ML has 2 (two) dicks babey!!!!!!!!!!! i did finish the entire story through a fan tl, and overall it's a pretty standard supernatural romance, i honestly have no strong feelings about this one.
necromancer survival - i read this one a while back and totally forgot about it....anyways i have a BONE to pick with this one, i've seen so many people rave about it but i ended up not liking it and i'm so mad about that!!!!!!!! on the surface it seems like something i'd like, but the way it was executed just made me go "meh.....", and i think a lot of that stems from me just straight up not liking the MC (i know these types of MC's are supposed to elicit a "protect him uwu" instinct from readers but instead he made me go "grow a spine!!!! fight back!!! FIGHT BACK!!!!!!!!!" anyways he made me want to tear my hair out) and the only reason i even finished all the available chapters is because of the ML and his undead squad. a lot of people did say the novel is better and more explicit with the horror and romance, but as of right now i don't think i will read the novel, since again, most of my dislike stems from the way the MC was written. also i felt like the romance just came outta nowhere, like the ML treats the MC like shit and then suddenly develops feelings out of nowhere 🥴
red limit (18+) - i ALSO have a bone to pick with this one, like it could've been so good but then the author had to throw in some UNNECESSARY BULLSHIT in the last 5 chapters that soured the entire ending and side stories for me i was so mad!!!!!!!! like you didn't have to do allat 😭 everything before that was just so beautifully depicted and written, with the way they slowly show the relationship deepening, the way the level of intimacy increases with each interaction, the insecurity, the careful breaking down of walls AUGH....but then for SOME REASON they threw in some half-assed, forced misunderstanding at the end that made me go "HELLO???? WHY???????" i'm so bitter >:( going back to positives though, the art in this is so unique. the use of a grayscale palette with splashes of red is so striking, and i LOVED the use of full colour in certain panels to signify where the MC is at emotionally. i do think this is still a good read, but you'll just have to ignore the Bullshit at the end.
frenemies: thicker than blood (18+) - OUUUGH this one slapped!!!!!!!!! a childhood rivals-to-lovers murim story that i absolutely blasted through, the MC and ML's relationship is so ouuuuuuuuughhhh like they are each others' ride or die. i thought the plot was also quite interesting as well, since we get to see the power struggle within the murim society, and at its core, the entire plot is really a revenge story. i really liked this one as a wuxia danmei enjoyer, so i think other danmei fans would enjoy this one as well!!! i have this bookmarked as a comfort read, and it's also one of my faves now <3
dead man's switch (18+) - a zombie apocalypse BL manhwa!!!!! it's about a university campus overrun with zombies, and the MC and ML are trying to survive and escape to get help. at first glance the ML is a total psycho and seems to be abnormally obsessed with the MC, but at the end of S1 you find out why, though there are hints dropped throughout the first season that make you guess (unfortunately i was spoiled by a summary i saw online 😔 but it didn't take away from the enjoyment). i think fans of zombie media would like this one, it does play out a lot like a zombie movie (humans dividing into groups, hoarding food, survival of the fittest etc), so it feels pretty familiar.
in the doghouse (18+) - i'm gonna be real i'm just reading this to see how freaky the FL and ML are gonna get. the ML is a total masochistic sub looking for his sadist dom, and i am excited to see the FL finally become the femdom of his dreams. besides that though, i do love how the FL is written, the struggles she goes through with her parasitic family really make her feel disempowered and you can FEEL her frustration through the panels. anyways i'm rooting for you courtney become the femdom of richard's dreams babygirl <3
4 week lovers (18+) - i'm actually baffled there's a 15+ version that omits the sex scenes bc babey that's like 90% of the story. gonna be real here and say i don't know if the 15+ version is worth reading, because I think the sex scenes are probably the best part about this manhwa lol. i do like the relationship and they do have a lot of cute moments, but there's not really a plot besides in the first season where they get together at the end, after that it's just them developing their relationship and having nasty borderline-kinky sex. that's not to say there's no depth to the characters though, the MC's backstory is very sad and explains a lot about his behaviour, and his issues don't magically disappear once he and the ML enter a relationship. i'm still continuing with this one though because i do want to see how far they go with regards to the MC and ML's obsession with each other, and also i want to see how freaky they will get :)
#domo rambles#manhwa posting#haven't found any manhwa that have hit me as hard as concubine walkthrough so far........#like so far the only ones that have made me cry / tear up were concubine walkthrough and pearl boy#but concubine walkthrough was the only one that made me like Actually cry#i do feel like i need to slow down / take a break#i guess in the meantime i will read the danmei that i have on the backburner lol
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#I once made a joke to my students that even though I never worked out I was always mentally lifting weights#in the gym of my own mind.#and it’s been such a helpful metaphor#not to make an outrageous statement here or to overestimate how smart I am (often not very smart at all!)#but just. my brain gets use. it gets exploration. it has been honed.#if it had an embodied form (other than my body) yeah! it would be lifting weights!#and/or doing gymnastics lol (for a zeitgeist-y metaphor)#(actually I am legit so good at mental gymnastics)#but ANYWAY the point is: the metaphor struck me because it highlighted how little my brain gets a break#and again—it’s not all worthwhile or deep or insightful or GOOD. a lot of it is useless or downright silly mental activity#but it IS activity. it is mental motion. day in day out. and it is so so so so so so so hard for me to give my brain a break#or even know how to do that#and I am absolutely tearing mental muscles and getting whatever it is athletes get when they work out too hard#or too strenuously#to extend the metaphor to the limit#and I need !!!!!!! a rest day#vacations are almost worse tbh. I feel like I hit this point a lot in the summer#because school forces me to think about things but actually much more helpfully it forces me to stop thinking about things#and do something else. it’s thinking on a schedule lol#and so the breaks are just built-in#but on my own I’ll just go go go go go and fall down every rabbit hole and chase my own tail#and it’s so tiring#anyway it hit me the other day that I could actually set limits for myself#like I was thinking about something in the shower (as you do) and it was stressful#and then I was like you have until the end of the shower to think about this and then you have to stop#and it was super helpful. I need to do that more. but yeah.#I don’t know how to give myself a rest day because who knows what will set the brain off#I also Know it wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t all interwoven with anxiety. but anixey is very deeply interwoven with how my brain works#so stressfully going down a million thought paths#ANYWAY !!!!! it is 1;41 am and I can’t sleep!!!!!!!
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I���m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Ok new Zelda theory time
So Zelda’s torch
The one that she drops at the beginning… the one that you can find in glooms lair right where she fell on your way to fight Gandoonerf… that torch
The one that, when people see it, we all immediately tear up a little because it’s such a cute detail that we can find the torch she dropped… right?
Well, I don’t think so.
Because here’s the thing. The awakening ended up being called the upheaval for a reason. Looking through the scene, there are so. Many. Rocks.
These rocks are falling everywhere. Rocks. Debris. What are the odds that a simple torch, one of the objects with the very worst durability, could not only survive a fall like that, but not be crushed? Not very high, I would think. Then there’s the fact that the area around it down there is completely clear
So what there just happens to be a clearing, at the center of which is a torch? Well, here’s the thing. Gadonfory lived down there for months, and with all that debris gone he obviously put some effort into housekeeping. But then there’s all the effort he put into hurting and stalling link.
Every little detail and appearance of Zelda and things related to her throughout… it’s all made clear it’s there to make Link pause, to hit him hard.
And I haven’t found a single video or player that, when they saw the torch they didn’t pause. Stop. Look around at it. Walk around it a little. Decide to either leave it as a memorial, or take it as a keepsake.
So my theory? There’s no way that’s Zelda’s torch. It was put there by Ganodofork, to confuse, stall, and hurt Link. And he succeeded.
#it’s just never made sense to me#how would it possibly survive that? link can literally just throw a torch after swinging like twice and it’ll break#it can’t be hers#not to me#but there’s only one other person who’s down there…#just an add on to puppet Zelda#loz#zelda#link#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#Totk#Totk spoilers#loz totk#AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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House of Leaves, pg 517
#ultimately pretty unimportant paragraph but idk. it stuck out to me i guess#i am a bit lost though... if Pelafina didn't strangle him why was she sent off?#im assuming this is after she spilt the water on his arms given he says she was wiping his tears and was sort of smothering him#augh i shouldnt have taken a break i think it made all this harder#and Johnny and Pelafina are both such unreliable narrators its hard to pin down what happened... esp bc i dont remember a lot of the details#anyway#i like the conflict between compassion and resentment; i feel like that struggle really is the core to being hurt#not knowing how much compassion to give; how much blame to give or take or absolve#writing
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people conflate being nice with not being critical. Being nice to people doesnt mean never presenting them with any kind of negative information or feedback it means don't be a prick while doing it
#.txt#i think thats the thing i dont like so much about the current culture of art on the internet#like its good people want it to be welcoming for new artists#but its kinda turned into an endless positivity echo chamber without any real substance#you cant get real critique on anything cuz people want to be 'nice' so they only mention the good things#which I guess will never offend someone but imo its annoying asf that you cant get honest feedback on anything#its just platitudes and so you get a ton of people who want to have high quality art#but are told theyre snobs and dicks for even believing in a hierarchy of art quality#when youre a beginner you can tell people are tiptoeing around saying the obvious thing#which is that its obviously made by a beginner#and thats fucking humilating tbh#to have people treat you like a first grader who'll break down into tears if you dont tell them theyre doing perfect and amazing#maybe this has just been my personal experience but I gave up art cuz I felt stupid taking it seriously#like no matter how hard i pressed for feedback or critique or tips people would just kinda smile and nod#tell me my art is AMAZING and soooooooooo so good but like. no it wasnt and still isnt lol#theyre crude and sure maybe theyre not garbage but I know they're not good cuz i have eyes#instead of trying to convince me that my opinion is wrong how about you just give me some advice#like any
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I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him
#seriously#i hate him#i hate his starfish looking ahh haircut#i hate his shitty mustach#hes balding#hes old#he needs to retire#they made me look at him shirtless and it was disgusting#i lost my appetite#i hate him hes so stupid#hes an asshole#did i mention hes old and stupid#god i hate this creature#rampo was doing gods work insulting him to his face fr fr#i hope he dies<3#idek im at ep3 s5#i hope he unalives himself<333#i hope he breaks down into tears and stabs himselfe <3#or better yet i hope atsushi kills him<3#i didn't like him from the begining yall#i hated him from the moment he appeared#if he has no haters im dead#nvm cuz id come back as a ghost to hate on him#fukuchi bsd#bsd fukuchi
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ME WHEN THIS
(And yes it’s discord light mode)
#my emotions are going brrrrr#I’m not even exaggerating it like my brain cannot process that such cool people are making something on a lil joke I made#had to hide in my room to not have my whole family watch me break down in happy tears#WHY AM I SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS RN?#BDJDKFUEKDUFISOWKHDJFJFNFJJFJFJFJFJ#SOBBING INTERNALLY AND TRYING NOT TO SOB EXTERNALLKY IN FRONTBOF MY FAMILY#glitchyk can’t handle positivity lol#i just can’t handle positivity lol
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Inconsolably consumed by jealousy + rage
#i was feeling so utterly unfulfilled and then i saw a short of an american woman living in japan and teaching english#it broke me lol#screaming and crying because i can't have the life i want#not necessarily like living in japan and all that but just.#she was so obviously happy and fulfilled by her career and it made me break down in tears#where is that pic of those dogs that are like this is the life i've always longed for#pog text#personal
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