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johaerys-writes · 5 years ago

Text

Dorian Pavus/ Trevelyan

A World With You, Chapter 27: White-Speckled Dove

Tristan gets trapped in a nightmare. A friend comes to help.

Read here or on AO3! | Read from the beginning

(art is by @le-mooon)

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“He saw her clear face lighten on his face

Unwittingly, with unenamoured eyes

For the last time. A live man in such wise

Looks in the deadly face of his fixed hour

And laughs with lips wherein he hath no power

To keep the life yet some five minutes' space.

So Tristan looked on Ethelwyn face to face

and knew not, and she knew not. The last time —

The last that should be told in any rhyme

Heard anywhere on mouths of singing men

That ever should sing praise of them again;

The last that sorrow far from them should sit,

This last was with them, and they knew not it. ”

The soft murmur of the waves as they crashed against the shore and the distant squawks of seagulls melded with the spoken words, whirled about him before they were carried away on a sharp gale. The sand was warm where Tristan lay, warm from the sun that had been beating down on the beach all day. With his arm tucked under his head, he watched the fluffy white clouds drift along the untroubled summer sky while Tilly read from the small leather bound book in her hands.

“Isn’t it romantic?” she said, sighing longingly, closing the book and bringing it to her heart. “They were gazing at each other for the last time before Ethelwyn would be taken, yet neither of them knew it. Oh, what pain would Ethelwyn feel, if only she knew!”

Tristan wrinkled his nose, making a disgusted sound. “Forget Ethelwyn,” he replied tartly. “Think about Tristan. He is the one that will have to travel all the way to Ferelden to pry her from King Brayburn. Ethelwyn will just sit there braiding her hair, waiting to be rescued.”

“My, my, what a cynic,” Tilly rolled her eyes. “Have you no heart?”

“I do have a heart. And a brain, apparently.” He yelped when Tilly smacked him on the head with the book.

“I declare that you have neither.” She grinned at him when he shot her a disgruntled glare. “Now, which part shall I read next? I think Tristan and Ethelwyn’s reunion is in order.”

“Not a chance. Enough with the romance. Read the part where Tristan challenges King Brayburn to a duel.”

“Not that again! It’s boring,” Tilly complained.

“What do you mean ‘again’? We haven’t read that in days!” Tristan said, sitting up. “And it’s not boring. That’s the best part.”

Tilly rolled her eyes again and scoffed. “It’s very, very boring.”

“No, it’s not. I’ll prove it to you.” Tristan hopped up on his feet, picking up a piece of driftwood that had been lying beside him. “King Brayburn of Ferelden,” he declared in an exaggerated Orlesian accent, his body melting into the starting fencing position. “I am Tristan de Lydes. I have come to claim my bride. Prepare to die. En guard !” He lunged forward, slashing at the air before him. His makeshift sabre whistled as he moved through a quinte , then spun around to slash at his imagined enemy with a sixte. “Take this! And that!” he said, piercing his opponent with a septime, then attacking again with an octave . “Know the wrath of a true Chevalier, you fetid Fereldan fleabag!” Tilly giggled as she watched him move through the various fencing moves, laughing outright when he lunged forward theatrically, stabbing his opponent. “There!” he exclaimed in triumph. “Right through your stone cold heart! Tristan de Lydes is victorious once more.”

“What if King Brayburn has a dagger hidden under his cloak? That should be interesting.”

Tristan blinked at his sister, then sniffed, tossing his head back in defiance. “Brayburn doesn’t stand a chance against Tristan.”

Tilly smirked, tapping her nose. “Not if Brayburn takes him by surprise.”

Tristan paused for a moment, then returned her smile with a wink. With an exaggerated flurry, he shoved the piece of wood under his arm, as if he had been stabbed in the chest. “Oh! Whence comes this blade, the one that now my breast transfixes? Though I scarcely believe it so, ‘tis true; my heart is in mortal throes. Woe is me! Death is upon me!” Tilly’s laughter rang along the beach, empty save for them. Tristan staggered back, clutching his chest. “Ethelwyn, my love, my white-speckled dove, forgive me, for I have been defeated.”

“If Sir Tristan were such a pompous fool, I think Ethelwyn would be too busy laughing herself to death to forgive him,” Tilly said, wiping mirth from her eyes.

Tristan didn’t respond as he fell on one knee, putting on an expression of grave distress. “And wilt thou weep when I am low? Sweet lady! Speak those words again: yet if they grieve thee say not so- I would not give thy bosom pain.” He bit back a grin, watching Tilly howl with laughter, tapping her feet on the sand. He took a deep breath, raising his arm in a plea towards the heavens. “My heart is sad, my hopes are gone, my blood runs coldly through my breast; and when I perish thou alone wilt sigh above my place of rest. Oh lady! Blessd be that tear - it falls for one who cannot weep; Such precious drops are doubly dear, To those whose eyes no tear may steep.” Brushing the back of his hand dramatically over his brow, he let himself collapse on the ground while Tilly wheezed beside him.

“Oh, brother,” Tilly said, breathless amidst her sobs of laughter, “you’re a right dafty.”

Tristan smiled, keeping his eyes closed. “I’m no dafty,” he murmured. “I’m Sir Tristan the Brave.”

“He speaks!” Tilly exclaimed, clapping her hand over her mouth. “The dead man speaks!” She turned to him, deft fingers digging in his neck to tickle. “Witchcraft! I sense witchcraft!”

Tristan tried to swat the fingers on his neck away, but it was no use. “Stop it! S-s-stop! Ah! Let me go, you tyrant,” he panted, cackling with the unexpected attack. He rolled away from her, safely out of her grasp. He lay from a moment on the warm sand, catching his breath. “That was cheap,” he said, still panting. “You know how much it-”

He turned around to look at her, only to have his words die on his lips. Empty. The beach was empty, empty space where his sister used to be. Even her footprints on the sand had disappeared. As if she never were. As if the tide had rushed in and washed everything away.

“Tilly?” Tristan stood up slowly, glancing around him. A lone seagull’s cry and the waves crushing on the shore were the only replies he received. He took a few steps forward, scanning the beach around him. He thought he caught a glimpse of something, someone moving at the edges of his vision. “Till?” he called again, but there was no one there. No one save but him. He paused, rubbing his temples as a faint tightness settled about his skull. It didn’t make sense. She was there only a moment before. Maybe she’d gone back home, or…

He glanced towards the path that led back up the cliff. There was no way she could have climbed it so swiftly, but there was no other way she could have gone. There was nothing but rocks and sand everywhere around him. He shook his head, brushing away the pressure that seemed to swell behind his eyes with every second. Home. Yes. That’s where she would be. That’s where he would go. He would walk back home and find her, and if she wasn’t there, he would tell Nelly and they would find her together. Nelly would know what to do.

The old path up the crag was always a struggle to climb, but Tristan knew it like the back of his hand. He knew where to step, which rocks to avoid, where to hop and where to tread carefully. He reached the top just as a red and swollen sun was dipping slowly behind the eastern mountain range. The tall grasses on the cliff edge bent and shivered with the wind, the silver edges of their blades glinting in the waning light. Their calm movement drew him in, hypnotising him. He blinked, blinked again, trying to tear his gaze away, just as the edges of his vision blurred with sudden motion.

The cliff melted away, the beach and the endless stretch of sea beyond it disappeared. A small clearing in a meadow sprung in its place, the same golden sun casting its rays on the soft grass beneath his feet. The leaves of the apple trees above him stirred languidly in the wind, the white petals of their blossoms falling around him like snowflakes. He knew this clearing. He had sat there with Tilly countless times. He would take Sea Spray and she would take Prancer and they would ride all the way there to sit under the trees. A hiding place, of sorts.

A quick shuffling of feet, the susurrus of fabric, drowned out by the sighing of the wind. Tristan spun on his heel, following the sound. Blonde hair, so pale it looked white; a flash of yellow fabric, catching the light as it flitted behind a tree trunk. That bright yellow dress, the one that Tilly loved best, the one she always used to wear in the summer. He chased after it, that bright spark amidst the rain of whirling apple blossoms- and found himself staring into a pair of dark blue eyes, gleaming violet in the setting sun.

“Tilly,” he panted. “I’ve been looking for you.”

His sister grinned up at him, as if she had never been gone at all. “Let’s go back to town,” she said, taking his hand. The everite band on her finger felt cool against his skin. “We’ll miss the fireworks.”

“The fireworks?” he asked, and only then remembered. Yes, it was Summerday. Ostwick would be filled with people, every street packed to watch the procession of young boys and girls wearing their finest tunics and gowns. They would be making their way through the winding cobblestone lanes to the Chantry to get Andraste’s blessing before they came of age. There would be jugglers and musicians on every street corner, and merchants selling corn on the cob and Antivan spiced cakes, and after the procession was over everyone would gather in the grand square to watch the fireworks. It was Tilly’s favourite day. She loved the way the fireworks crackled and fizzled in the air, exploding in a multitude of glimmering shapes. Tristan had promised he would go with her. A promise he intended to keep.

But the clearing was quiet and peaceful. He was oddly drawn to it, and the thought of leaving it filled him with sadness, a dark wave that curled and gripped him, pulling him under like there were stones tied to his feet. He let Tilly drag him forward a few steps before he stopped. “Tilly, wait.”

“What’s wrong, Tris?”

He blinked at her for a moment, the waves within him rising, soaring until he could scarcely breathe. “Let’s stay here a little bit longer,” he whispered through the knot in his throat. “Just you and me.”

Tilly regarded him quizzically, her brows furrowed in confusion before she shook her head. Her blonde tresses rippled with the movement. “We’re late already. Come on, it’ll be fun!” She shot him a bright smile over her shoulder as she ran ahead. “I’ll race you to the horses.”

“Wait, don’t-” he started, but the words wouldn’t come out. His heart clenched as he watched her draw further away, her form disappearing through the trees. Don’t go. Stay with me. Don’t go.

The tavern was almost empty. The last patrons remaining were either mumbling to themselves or sleeping with their heads on the tables, their shiny surfaces sticky with dried ale. Tristan took a long draught from his brandy, wincing as he swallowed. It was bad, burning its way down his throat, but it was good enough. The best he could hope for in that sort of place. He idly watched the crackling of the flames in the hearth, brushing his thumb over the ring on his finger. It glided over the letters etched on its dark surface, smooth and continuous save for a band of fresh everite where he had had it taken out. It irked him to see it marred like that, the inscription interrupted, but there was no way it would fit on his finger otherwise. And on his finger it had to be; on his finger it had to stay, until the time came for him to give it back to its rightful owner.

He took a shallow breath, giving the ring a small twist. That was the only thing he could do as he waited. And waited.

The door opened slowly, screeching on its hinges. Tristan glanced at the newcomers from the corner of his eye. A short fellow, dark hair cropped short and beady eyes that seemed to examine the room, taking in every detail even as he pretended not to look in any particular direction. He and the men that came after him took a table at the far end of the tavern. The minstrel, who had been dozing off in one of the booths, sprang to his feet, scrambling to the makeshift stage close to the hearth. His lute let out a pitiful whine as he tuned it hastily, plucking the strings on by one. His voice was just a tad hoarse when he started singing an old song, a bothy ballad from Starkhaven, one that Tristan hadn’t expected to hear there.

The bartender had started preparing mugs of ale before the men had even sat down. Tristan reached for his coin purse, sliding a sovereign to the bartender. “Four glasses of your finest whiskey. For the gentlemen at the back.” The man shot him a sideways glance, his eyes sweeping over Tristan where he sat. A couple seconds passed before he nodded guardedly, picking up the sovereign from the counter. The drinks were served. Tristan waited with bated breath for the men to raise their glasses to him in acknowledgement before walking over to their table.

“Who’s our mysterious benefactor?” the man with the beady eyes said, a heavy Starkhaven lilt to his voice.

“Remy.” Tristan couldn’t risk giving his name to these people, not before he was sure of their intentions. His middle name would have to do. He never used it anyway. It was a stupid name his mother had chosen for him. He hated it. The man nodded towards the seat across from him and Tristan took it, never looking away. “Glad to make your acquaintance.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “No last name, Remy?”

“In time,” he replied. “I’m sure you understand.”

The other men exchanged a glance, but the dark haired man’s gaze remained fixed on him. “Of course. I assume you already know our names?”

Tristan nodded slowly. He knew all their names, had taken care to learn them beforehand. The man with the beady eyes was Vala Norden. The blonde to his right was Herriot, the man with the scar down his face was Hooks and the tall Antivan man at the edge of the booth was Andris. Fake names certainly, but notorious among the Ostwick underworld.

“Very well, Remy. How can we help?” Norden flashed him a smile, the edges curled in a smirk that was vaguely mocking. “I expect you need something from us.”

Tristan didn’t like that smile. It spoke volumes about what the man had already gathered about him; that he was wealthy, probably. Even though he’d taken care to wear his most inconspicuous clothes, the fabric of his doublet was far richer than anyone in that part of town would wear, his coat clean, his shirt freshly pressed. And there was not much he could do about the absence of scars on his face, or the paleness of his skin. Norden had possibly also gathered that he was a young heir, and he might have even guessed which part of Ostwick he was coming from from the way he held himself.

He resisted the urge to bite his lip. He should have given him an entirely assumed name. He cleared his throat, forcing a placid expression on his face. “I have a quest for you.”

“What quest?”

“A jailbreak. Of sorts.”

“A jailbreak?” Norden echoed. “The Ostwick prison has become notoriously tough to get out of recently. Those bastards have tripled their security over the last year. It will cost you.”

“Not the prison.” Norden’s eyebrow quirked with interest. Tristan’s heart was ready to beat out of his throat. He could leave just then, he knew. Just tell them that he had changed his mind, walk out the door and never come back. But he was determined. He had been trying to track this man down for weeks. There was no one else that could do what he wanted them to do. And they had to do it. Someone had to.

From the tales he’d heard, the situation in the Circles all around Ferelden and the Marches was getting from bad to worse. Imprisonments, torture, rapes, executions; anything could happen to a mage that simply glanced at a Templar the wrong way, or so he heard. It had already been five years since Tilly was taken, two since he had spoken to her last. The Ostwick Circle had been the last to ban visitations, but it’d been a full year since it had forbidden letters from family and friends as well. Keeping mages under lock and key, allowing them no contact with the outside world, leaving them prey to whatever madness was happening behind their closed doors. Tristan couldn’t sleep at night, couldn’t eat, could hardly breathe for his worry for her.

He clenched his fist in his lap. All or nothing, he reminded himself. All or nothing.

“The Circle of Magi.”

Norden’s beady eyes widened so much, Tristan thought they would pop out of their sockets. “The Circle of Magi?” he scoffed. “It seems to me you’ve lost your mind, Remy. Perhaps you should have another drink. To clear your head.”

Tristan curled his fingers around his mug, his lips tightening in a line. “I know how it sounds. It’s difficult, yes, but not impossible. I’ve heard of a way in.” He paused, lowering his voice to a half whisper. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

Norden’s smirk belied his interest, but his gaze was still hard as stone, and as unyielding as one. “Oh, I don’t think you would have near enough gold to finance such a venture. We would need men, resources, new weapons...” He let his words trail off as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“How much?”

“... information about the Templar’s patrols, about possible ways in and out… That sort of knowledge comes at a price. Not to mention buying the guards’ silence. Just with my brief calculations you’ve gathered yourself quite a hefty sum-”

“I said; how much?” Tristan’s fist was wrapped so tightly about his mug his knuckles were white, and he forced himself to release it. He had to keep his composure. He couldn’t let these men realise he was desperate, or they would feast upon him like scavengers upon a carcass.

“One hundred thousand sovereigns.”

Tristan’s blood froze in his veins. That was… that was… he never thought he had heard of such a sum before. It was certainly much, much higher than what he’d heard Norden charging for a job. Other than his own monthly allowance, his mother gave him no access to the family fortune. If he sold every item in the Trevelyan manor that wasn’t lodged firmly in place, he might be able to gather about two thirds of that amount. If he sold a few of the horses, some of the rare ones they kept in the stables, he might be able to cover the rest. His own horse, Sea Spray, would have to go. Imperial Warmbloods sold well in the Ostwick markets. His stomach tightened at the thought of selling their horses, but he had to. They might be enough to make up the amount that Norden asked. Maybe. If he were able to get a good price for them, and Maker knew he was terrible at bartering.

Just as he was trying to wrap his mind around Norden’s demands, the man spoke again, sending Tristan’s stomach plummeting even further.

“We’re also going to be needing equipment. And horses. And food for the horses.”

Tristan clenched his jaw, returning Norden’s gaze levelly. As levelly as he could while his guts were coiling like eels under his skin. “Fifty thousand sovereigns,” he said in what he hoped was an icy tone. “And five horses.”

Norden blinked at him for a moment, then let out a quiet harrumph. “I don’t think you’re in a position to barter with me. In fact, I don’t even think you’re in a position to barter with anyone. Do you even have that amount of gold?”

“I do,” Tristan said quickly. “I will.”

“You will?” There was a mocking glint in Norden’s eyes before they narrowed, focusing on him like well sharpened blades. “Perhaps I should double it, then. Since you sound so certain. Two hundred thousand? That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it, lads?” His crawlies nodded, sneering.

“No!” Tristan said quickly, and flinched inwardly at his hastiness. He cleared his throat, suppressing the wild beating of his heart. “No. One hundred. I’ll give you one hundred. You’ll have it.”

Norden’s grin widened, revealing a row of crooked teeth. “Very well. One hundred. And twenty horses. Ten pack horses, five destriers, five coursers.”

Twenty horses. Void take him. The Trevelyan manor stables were amongst the largest in Ostwick, and they only held thirty four horses. Perhaps if he was careful, at night, perhaps… He swallowed thickly, nodding. “Alright. Twenty horses. You’ll have them.”

“Oh. And one more thing.” Tristan held his breath, preparing himself for whatever outrageous thing Norden was going to ask next. Norden leaned forward on the table. His eyes flashed oddly in the half light. “You’ll let my boy Andris here do whatever he wants to you for a night.”

Tristan gaped at him. Bile rose in his throat, choking him. He was going to be sick. Surely, he was. The men around him erupted in raucous laughter, banging their mugs on the table.

“You should make it two nights boss,” the man with the scar on his face said. “There might be some left over for us after Andris is finished with him.”

“I say we keep him for three nights.”

“How about a week? A week’s fair.”

“More than fair.”

Tristan could only stare as Norden and his crawlies laughed and jeered, discussing among themselves like he wasn’t even there. It took significant effort to work some saliva into his mouth and speak. “What is the meaning of this?” he said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as meek as he felt. “I’ve been told that you’re a man that one can make a reasonable deal with. Seems I was mistaken.”

The laughter died down. Norden and his men glared at him. Silence stretched long amongst them, the minstrel’s lute that had gone slightly out of tune the only sound in the room. After what felt like minutes, Norden settled back on his chair, gesturing to his men. “Toss him out.”

“What?” Tristan breathed, eyeing the men that had stood up, looming over him. He fumbled for words as he saw his only chance slipping between his fingers. “No- wait- I-I told you I’d bring the gold. And the horses. I told you-”

“Told me?” Norden laughed, the sound sending chills down Tristan’s spine. “No. You come into my bar, buying me and my men drinks and asking us to storm the Circle of Magi for you. I wouldn’t go into that shithole even if they offered me Queen Anora on a silver platter. This has been amusing, but Vala Norden doesn’t make deals with madmen. Remember that.” He nodded to his men. “Show him out, boys. Rough him up a little on the way, will you? That’ll teach him to come around here again.”

Two pairs of hands, their grip strong like iron, tightened around Tristan’s arms. The minstrel’s tune got louder as Tristan was hauled to his feet. He kicked and grunted swears while Norden’s thugs dragged him bodily across the tavern, to no avail. They were far stronger than he was. Norden raised his drink, downing it in one go just before his men pushed him out the door. “Thanks for the whiskey, by the way,” he called out to him. “A fine choice.”

A heavy autumn drizzle had started to fall, the droplets dampening the top of his head when he was shoved out into the street. Hooks’s fist landed on his cheek before he could regain his footing. His head snapped to the side, ears ringing with the force of the impact. Tristan staggered back, tasting blood in his mouth, just as another fist flew his way. This time he ducked to avoid the blow, shoving his knee into Hooks’s stomach instead. It was almost instinctual, the way his body moved before he could even think to ward off his attackers. The man groaned, doubling over. Andris took a threatening step towards him, pressing his fist to his palm.

“Wanted to make a deal with Vala, did you?” he said, baring his teeth in a snarl. “Came all the way down here from your fancy mansion to take the piss?”

Tristan’s anger flared hot and bright. He dabbed the cut on his lip with his tongue, the strong taste of copper mingling with his saliva. “Fuck you,” he spat, stepping back when Andris swung for his head. He dodged behind him, shoving the flat of his palm to the base of his thick skull, then following it with a good kick at his knee joint. The man groaned in pain, swinging around wildly in his effort to get to him. Tristan almost smiled when he saw him limping. He idly wondered what his Chevalier-trained fencing tutor would say if he saw him attacking someone from behind in a brawl. He edged back when Andris staggered his way, avoiding his fist and landing a hard punch under his chin instead, taking just a tiny bit of satisfaction when he heard the definitive sound of teeth cracking.

He was about to land a finishing strike on Andris’s face when the sound of gravel under heavy boots behind him stopped him. He spun around, ready to pounce on Hooks and release all his frustration on his ugly, disfigured face, when the flash of steel made him freeze in his tracks.

“Like playing it tough, do you, sweetheart?” the man hissed, taking a step closer. His lips widened in a grin when he noticed Tristan’s apprehension. “Will you act as tough after I cut you open and hand you your guts like a fucking Satinalia gift?”

Tristan swallowed, his gaze flicking between the well sharpened blade before him and the man’s face. He looked deranged, eyes gleaming in the dark. He stepped back carefully, his pulse buzzing in his ears like bees in a jar. A buzz that turned into a high pitched ringing when he bumped against Andris’s chest. Trapped. He was trapped. Backed in a corner, between a blade and Andris’s fists waiting to crush him.

“You noble shits walking about like you own the place,” Hooks continued, voice thick with vehemence. His grin got even wider, twisting his features. “I’ll teach you a lesson, duckling. Oh, I’ll teach you. What if I slice that pretty face of yours down the middle? That should scare the ladies away.” He took another step, when Andris’s grunt stopped him.

“No blades.”

Hooks’s eyes snapped to Andris’s, the white in them glimmering threateningly. “Are you joking?”

Andris shook his head. “Don’t want a noble bleeding to death on our fucking doorstep.” The tall man shoved Tristan back, sending him tumbling on the muddy ground. His large booted foot crashed against his stomach, knocking his breath right out of him. A guttural, pitiful groan escaped him as he tried to scramble away, when Andris’s boot dug into him again. And again. The Antivan stared down at him like he was an ant, grinning. “He can squirm on our doorstep, though.”

The pain was blinding. Tristan coughed and wheezed, trying to get some air back into his lungs. Every breath sent his ribs and stomach muscles screaming in agony. He dug his nails in the gravel, slowly clawing his way away from the sneering men. His heart was beating frantically in his chest, banging against his ribcage.

He flinched in terror when Hooks squatted down, grabbing a fistful of his hair and forcing Tristan’s gaze to his. He was an ugly bastard, his face so close to him, his breath stinking of booze and smoke. Tristan bit his bleeding lip, mustering all his courage in an effort to stifle the urge to plead for his life. To beg for mercy. He wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction. Not if he could help it.

As if he could read his thoughts, Hooks gave him a wide smile. “Goodnight, little dove,” he said sweetly before his fist collided with Tristan’s face, sending his head bouncing on the hard packed ground beneath him. He groaned with the pain that exploded behind his eyelids, winced as a thin stream of warm liquid trickled down his scalp. Hooks stood up, chuckling under his breath as he clapped Andris on the shoulder. The street was bathed in the soft orange light from the inside of the tavern for a moment before the door clicked shut behind them, engulfing the world in darkness once more.

Tristan lay on the ground for a long while. Minutes. Hours, for all he could tell. He lay as still as he could, gasping and sputtering blood, willing the contents of his stomach to stay where they were. It took more out of him than he would have thought to slowly, shakily press himself up into all fours. He crawled to a nearby wall, clawing at the gaps between the bricks to haul himself up. His head was swimming as he leaned heavily against it, panting. There was no other light save for the light flickering from the tavern’s closed windows, and the full moon that was staring him down from its place atop the sky’s velvet canopy. Tristan let out a tremulous breath, pressing his eyes shut in hopes of abating the burn that had built up behind them.

Gone. One more glimmer of hope of getting Tilly out gone, snuffed out like the flame of a candle, one more plan crushed like a butterfly under an anvil. It had taken him weeks to find out how to approach Norden, weeks of asking and begging and gathering information and bribing, all for nothing. All to get beaten up in a back alley. Spat upon. Humiliated. He’d been in bar fights before, but this was… this was different. These men wanted to hurt him. They’d taken pleasure from hurting him. They would have done worse, if it hadn’t been so inconvenient for them. Even if they had, he would only have himself to blame.

He blinked, angrily scrubbing hot tears mingled with dust and blood from his face. A fool, a damned fool was what he was. He had let those men sniff his desperation, and they had pounced on it like hounds on blood. Never again, he promised himself. Never again.

He peeled himself off the wall, groaning when the world spun around him. The night was still dark and thick, not a soul passing by the quiet street. He had to move. He had to leave that place. If someone saw him there, in the state he was in now, they would probably not hesitate for a breath before finishing what the others had started. No one in their right minds walked about this part of town after sundown. At least not those that didn’t belong there. It’d been a mistake to come there from the start. A mistake, or naivety, or utter madness - Tristan wasn’t sure what it was that drove him anymore. Mad. He was probably mad. Mad, for fighting to get his sister out, when there was no way of getting her out. Mad, for trying again and again, even though every time he failed worse than the last. Mad, for clinging on to hope that he could change things, fix things, make everything the way it was before. Mad. Mad. Mad.

His palm, when he dragged it over his face again, came away wet and bloody. Useless. Stupid and mad and useless. There was no changing things. No fixing things. No hope. He wasn’t a hero, or a brave Chevalier of legend, a knight in shining armour. He wasn’t Tristan de bloody Lydes. He was alone. All alone. And somewhere, in a cold cell in the Circle Tower, she was alone, too.

Despair rose in him in a wave. It was all too much, far too much. His breath came in short and shallow pants as the world closed in around him. Everything was spinning, whirling out of his control. He reached out for something, anything to stop his fall-

His fingers closed about an outstretched hand. He looked up, blinking at the young man before him. Pale blue eyes staring at him through a curtain of light blonde hair, falling messily about a pale face. His features obscured by a wide brim hat.

Those features tugged at Tristan’s memory. He squinted at the man through his haze. “What… who-”

“I’m Cole,” the man said softly. “I’m here to help.”

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trenchcoatkitten · 5 years ago

Note

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST)

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue.

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks.

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice)

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me.

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers!

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it?

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours.

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good.

ily :’)

#my writing #dont open this unless you're ready #its like 1.5k words long #I WENT OFF #i have so many feelings ok #i have so so so many feelings #thank you so much for sending me an ask #i love you nonny #sami answers

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hozukitofu · 5 years ago

Text

the kids are doing espionage

He would like to preface everything by a singly stated -

It was Qing's idea.

He is only a simple tech boy, a robotic engineering undergrad, someone who just wants to corrupt enough of the capitalistic system and its funds to fund his recycling robot, to delete the littering problems around campus.

The facts that he happens to know like one bad form of martial arts and by virtue of being a robotics student, great with tools and improvised weapon creation, are irrelevant. Besides the point.

But Qing is deep down, within that core of his questionably existing heart, an opportunist - an investor of assets. She sees potential, she invests in it. That's always how it goes.

Zizhen is eating, simply existing, thinking about robots and redeeming himself at a round of chess with uncle Shao when Qing barges into his absolutely mundane life, waving a USB stick in front of his nose, crowing about how she cracked the capitalism code.

Normally he would care.

"That's great, cool, jie, but -" he doesn't even have time to bat the excited blonde away before a proposition is coerced into his food.

"You! Wanna be an anti-government agent?"

Zizhen almost drops his fork.

"I'm sorry," he blinks, not even bothering with his food any longer because his appetite had taken a nose dive out the processing plants by the back of the college. "What. Did you just say?"

Qing was going to elaborate, but he doesn't let her.

"No, it was rhetorical - jie! I'm not becoming your agent for hire! I'm too soft for killing people!" He denies, vehemently, because look at him! He wears clothes that have to oblige by fluffy and big standard, and his hair cannot be let loose outside of the house if it isn’t wavy and bouncy.

Doctor Wei calls him marshmallow unironically, on top of Romantic Guy, with debatable nuances under the friendly moniker because that’s his life goal, to be as soft and sweet as humanly possible. He is only someone who strives to dismantle the system in the ways he clumsily knows how to, but he always goes back to helping people at the end of the day.

Becoming a hitman for hire is never something he would consider, or ever would.

Qing badgered and wheedled, bombarded him with the benefits, the sheer overwhelming scale of everything good and pure tipping and burying onto his side of the balancing plates, to which he avoids, like one would, if a pack of mosquitoes with malaria starts heading your way. He had blended into the crowd. Worn disguises to avoid this woman's hawkish eyesight. Climbed out a window to avoid persecution and inevitable screeching. Legitimately broke into a dead sprint across the canteen as soon as he spotted Song-Xiao Qing looking for him.

One of these days she will catch up to him, and she will skin him alive, but not today. He weaves around busy college students arriving and leaving their lecture halls, his long arms tucked closely to his chest so that nobody snags them off him. It is a laborious chase that she incurred onto his person, and he dreads the reality where she finally hacks into a computer somewhere and puts a tracker onto him so that she can be two steps ahead of him and then she can beat him into the ground on the basis of him avoiding her like she will personally break all of his robots inside and out.

"Ouyang Zizhen!" He hears a death roar, and runs faster.

Gotta put that threefold authentication code into all of his login devices so that the two steps pre-planning stage doesn't happen. Yes. But run first.

He’s fallen asleep across a horizontal surface - he’s pretty sure that this is the first horizontal surface his eyes park on and his brain immediately decreed that We’re napping. Now. ASAP pronto LOL.

He comes back to the world of living when he is toed awake by a person, voice vaguely threatening and familiar to his ears -

“Ouyang. Ouyang.”

“Noo,” he whines, thinking it to be his father. “Dad I have the day off.”

“Zizhen. You will wake up or I will walk all over your face. Your choice, sweet guy.”

He sits up, immediately awake.

Look, he’s a coward. He has high sensors in-built to detect approaching danger to his person. It’s how he made it beyond high school to go where he does now. It’s nothing to be proud of - surviving, just barely, in this cutthroat world is a goddamn miracle, if he has to say so himself. So what if he’s a coward. He’s still alive. That’s what matters.

Also he has a feeling that if he had keep on sleeping, he will open his eyes in the next life, as a bug. Because he had been horrifically murdered in this life and that death was so bad that a bug’s body is the only viable and painless reincarnation the gods deem fitting for little poor him.

“I’m up,” he wheezes, vertigo slamming onto his head. “I’m physically with you but my brain had just taken a holiday. Please allow it some time to return.”

“I don’t need your brain for this,” Qing beams at him, mouth spreading in a Joker-ish feral look. “I’ve got a favour to ask.”

I’ve got a favour to ask sounds exactly like those questions that ask you for something but if you deny, you will die on sight.

The way his upperclassman is smiling at him gives him all the answers he has.

“What,” he grouses, mouth twisting, pulling his hoodie even more over his forehead and eyes, covering the majority of his freckles. They’re still here despite the lack of hours he spends in active avoidance of the sun and the majority of this goddamn school hates the sight of freckles like they’re something contagious so his instincts mostly had been ‘cover up’.

“Someone took something from me and I need a boy to get it back for Yours Truly,” she smiles, still feral and not the least friendly.

He squints suspiciously at her. “Why a boy. Is this hard even for you, lawbreaker extraordinaire?”

“I need a boy, you stupid robot builder,” she rolls her eyes, throwing a hairband onto the table in front of him. “Because someone from Gusu took my things and on virtue of me being a woman, I can’t enter without the security shooting me on sight.”

He groans out loud and slumps even further onto the table, hoping to become one with the recycled plastic.

“I don’t even go there. They’ll shoot me on sight too. They have stun guns -”

She cuts him up, retying her space buns. He lets out a huff of hysterical air and rethinks back to every wrong decision he had ever taken in this life.

“Which they’re not allowed to use on trespassers, chill. Listen, how you get it isn’t my problem. Get me the thing and I’ll squander all the favours you owe me.”

This sparks his interest. A-Qing is stingy. The stingiest person he has the misfortune of ever running across. She studies economics. She lives on cash alone. Just. Cash. She hoards money and favours and then harvests them like produce of her questionable farm.

Ouyang Zizhen owes Qing a lot of money for the completion of his robotics projects and the launch of his career as a junior lab assistant to the research team of the mechanical engineering department. She did all that, knowing that her investments were wise, and she constantly lords the favour over his head.

It sounds great, to get rid of one Song-Xiao Qing infinitely, but he can’t help but wonder if the catch, beyond You’ll die if you trespass Gusu like the absolute moron that you are. This sounds like it’s much more than just a suicide run. It sounds more like...a test? Of sorts?

“All the favours?” He looks up, hood slipping, his freckles all in glorious sight and judging his upperclassman. “Are you sure?”

Qing-jie grins at him, looking every bit like the crook she is. “Are you?”

“Heck, yes, why do you even ask. But I feel like you’re betting too much on this. How do you know if I’ll come back for you to squander all your favours for me? Seems fishy.”

“You’ll come back,” she waves him away. “I wouldn’t swear on it if I’m not sure. So, what of it, marshmallow? You want in?”

He can’t say no anyways. “You know I can’t say no,” he scowls, and refuses to shake her hand. “If I don’t come back, tell my father to take all my robots. And burn me paper money.”

Qing cackles right at his face. “You’re exaggerating, kid. It’ll be fine. I swear on it.”

“Your words are all lies anyways! Shut up!”

Research on how to get into Gusu? Actually kinda fun.

Actually sneaking into Gusu unscathed? Less fun. Bordering on traumatic.

Technically he knows the blueprints. Technically he knows that the scanning gates at the southern entry can fit an entire person if they just, like, lie down and limbo through the gaps of the plastic closing gates. Technically eight twenty-seven in the night is the time gap that he can safely limbo through without getting zapped by a stun gun. Technically from here he can just jog to the international student’s dorm and scale to the second floor, open the window fourth from the right, slide in, get the thing from under the desk, get out the way he did before, go home, change his name, get plastic surgery, genetically rewrite his fingerprints and DNA makeup, move back to Baling, call it quits.

Technically he knows all of this, but he had just slid through a scanning gate and his heart is trying to punch out of his own ribs. He’s wheezing as if he climbed up a mountain twice for no reason at all. None of this makes sense. Why is he here. He should go home. There’s still time. Father will be tired and disappointed but when is he not.

No, his brain, traitorous, but also wanting to get rid of the human leech Song-Xiao Qing, mutters. No we will get back that bundle for Her Highness and then leave her presence indefinitely. That’s what we’ll do.

He swings his feet, nothing short of Spiderman, into the intended room, huffing as it wastes him no effort.

Too easy. Smells exactly like a trap.

It’s nearly curfew, except that people haven’t been rushing back through the easy way in, because he saw people coming out and they pretended to not see him as he came in. Are they stupid. Are they not going to come back for roll call and suffer the wrath of Lan Qiren? Or worse, He Who Must Not Be Named.

He reaches for the bundle, stuffs it under his hoodie, and prepares for take off, when a door swing open and someone walks in, without turning the lights on.

His danger alarms not only went off, but into overtime and exhaustive underpaid labour.

“Ouyang?” He hears, hissed in the dark.

He should have covered his face, because wow he didn’t think he was that popular outside of his own robotics class for setting off that fire alarm back in first year. But. He is digressing from this imminent danger! This voice. That sounds distinctly similar.

“Do we know each other?” He hisses, crouching back in a Spongebob stance, eyes narrowed at the boy in the cats-covered face mask. He can’t make a run for it here but he can try for the knee caps.

“Yes. Oh my god, yes,” the person pulls his face mask down and lo and behold, it’s -

“Lan? Lan Jingyi?” He gapes, while sidestepping a stray tennis ball lobbing at his head. “Why are you here?”

Jingyi shoots back at him - “I go here. Why are you here?”

He throws up one hand, the other preoccupied with the bundle - “Qing-jie!”

“Bad answer, but expected,” Jingyi tuts his tongue, and shoves him out of the way. “You don’t seem the type to engage in trespass and theft.”

“Ha ha, pot calling the kettle black,” he sneers back, tracing back his steps. “Why are you here here. I know you go here, but this isn’t your room. Or anyone else’s room that you are affiliated with. It’s the international student wing. You never answered my question.”

He would not receive any answers because there are footsteps, grave and reverent footsteps, that bring pandemonium outside the corridor and Jingyi, not even thinking twice, shoves him into a wardrobe, finger on his lips.

“Quiet,” the boy hisses. “And when he’s gone, you can scram.”

Zizhen thinks that is the end of it, but somehow his bundle! Had gone missing from under his hoodie! When! And how!

“Lan, give that back!” He hisses, almost lunging and falling out of the closet. Jingyi shushes him even louder, forcing the doors to close in on his nose and shoes.

He grabs onto a wrist, clinging onto the arm stubbornly. Jingyi jostles his shoulder violently like he’s got himself a human-sized limpet that won’t let go and he elects to kicking it back to the depth of the closet, telling him to ‘stay put, come on, don’t make this harder for us’.

Zizhen is shoved back into the darkness of a small enclosed space with hangers falling onto his head and clothes dropping onto his shoulders. The tracking sticker he placed on his fingertip had migrated from him to the inside of Lan Jingyi’s hoodie. Now he waits.

There is a polite knock - because that’s Lans for you, polite even in walking and knocking.

Jingyi answers the door with a soft - “Hello, uncle.”

For a moment Zizhen thought he actually screwed up and somehow stumbled head first into Lan Qiren of all people on the night he attempted trespass and theft, but he listens some more, waiting for the dulcet tones of disapproval that the Lan Headmaster is so famed for dishing out at his relatives slash pupils.

“Jingyi,” he hears, and. Well.

This is worse than Lan Qiren. Somehow he had messed up even worse than Lan Qiren.

Lan Wangji, the Hanguang-Jun, is in the same room as him. The professor reliable for dishing out punishments at Gusu. The resting disappointed man. Doctor Wei’s long-term crush and object of pursuit. He’s caught. He’s gone. They’re going to string his corpse like a disappointing sight from here so that all across the country, people can see what happens when idiot college boys who sneak into prestigious Gusu get as a punishment.

He is suddenly religious. He asks for protection from the Buddha to the corner ghost to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

“I suggest you return to your own dorm,” Lan Wangji gravely - and flatly - informs Lan Jingyi. “Unless you want to introduce me to your friend?”

Lan Jingyi, for someone doing a theatre degree, is woefully awful at lying. He starts laughing hysterically and like a bloody hyena under noise suppression and the target of at least twenty stun guns and he’s lost all sense of control so now his fight or flight response is to laugh.

Ouyang Zizhen regrets not leaving his father with a dying letter. It’ll be awful and humiliating to find him as a human flag on the top of Gusu’s flagpole.

“What friend, Uncle Wangji? It’s only me here!” Jingyi hacks out hysterically, as footsteps start heading his way, purposeful and brisk.

There goes living through tonight then.

“Hmn, what’s in the closet, Jingyi?” Hanguang-Jun asks, as the doors of the wardrobe rattle and -

promptly stop.

Jingyi, because he’s panicking and somehow is still the greatest and most shocking improvised line under possibly murderous circumstances, blurts out, completely and utterly from nowhere.

“That closet is fine. It has no one in it! Well, not me anymore!”

Zizhen can barely swallow down the wheeze that tries to climb its way out of his nose because what.

To his credit though, Lan Wangji stops his advance onto his hiding place, and promptly takes Lan Jingyi out of the room, so he hopes that he’s not being thrashed thoroughly for well, being gay, but in keeping it and using it as a distraction tactic on their Hanguang-Jun.

Zizhen quickly kicks the doors open and tumbles out, sliding the window up and climbing out, his watch telling him dimly that he has two more minutes before curfew comes and security tightens. He would check on Lan, but he’ll be fine. Hanguang-Jun isn’t a blind rule follower as the people make him out to be - by people, he meant just Doctor Wei, who went through a period of time in his life actively cursing and mooning over Lan Wangji, and it’s entertaining and just embarrassing to bear witness to. No. Bad memories. Let’s forget that and go back and report to Qing-jie.

He’s going to start breaking ankles the next time Lan Yuan asks for a big hang out.

“He took the bundle from you? Without touching you?”

“I snuck in the death place for that stupid bundle and that’s all you cared about?”

“Damn Lan. Anyways, good job, it’s fine, I’m seeing the golden trio in, like, ten hours. We can haggle the bundle back.”

He hears this, but he also has the tracker sticker. Does it work? Does it not work? Unclear. He’s not too sure. He hasn’t been doing this illegal theft and tracking gig for long. He lets Qing-jie and her favours reinstate themselves as constant reminders in his life as he stumbles back to his laptop and kick starts it to see how he’s going to not set a hoodie and a person on fire.

The good news is Lan Jingyi and his Lan Approved Hoodie will not be catching on fire.

The even better news is that he can get rid of Song-Xiao Qing for life now, because he knows where the package is.

The bad news is that the package is in Jin Rulan’s home. His room, to be specific.

Okay, so maybe he met Jin Rulan a few times when he went to archery tournaments to cheer on Lan Yuan, a friend but also practicing archer to become as great as Wen Ning, Olympic-level archer. Maybe he and Jin Rulan had gotten into a few arguments over pointless things in the past, like all stupid middle schoolers do. The point is that since his friend is a friend of Rulan, he has the honour of being flung at, in the face, with the address of his sizable family manor, because Jin Rulan can and will, with no preamble or social niceties, and so now Zizhen knows where he lives.

Not that a simple Google search wouldn’t tell him which place this is, but being reminded with Jin Rulan, a runt then, probably a runt now, he hasn’t seen the kid in like, two years. A-Yuan doesn’t want him to start testing his robots on real life people and everyone who had ever interacted with Zizhen knows who’s first on his list to be humanly pitted (sorry, tested) against his robots.

He bikes to the manor, easily buzzes his way in with a screwdriver and some tinkling with the system, and strolls right through the front door.

He did do research before this. Everyone’s out. Jin Rulan is out. He’ll just take the bundle and leave, and they don’t have to talk about it anymo -

Lan Jingyi tackles him to the floor from behind the door to Jin Rulan’s room, with a distant bark of a guard dog and Jin Rulan’s dulcet tones shrieking the heavens, hard, so that his dead ancestors can rise as zombies in the night and slap Zizhen back to Baling.

“How is he here?” He can hear Rulan yelling distinctly, as he grapples with Jingyi and rips the sticker cleanly from under his sleeve.

Jingyi and him get along okay. When A-Yuan wants people to wait for him after guqin recitals, he has Zizhen and Jingyi wait for him, and they play jianzi as they quiz each other on class things they should know, bickering back and forth. They played soccer together a few times, and Jingyi’s good - Jingyi’s training to be in the under 20′s representative Asian Games in a few months. They get along fine. They love literature and art. Zizhen doesn’t want to set a short-circuiting robot onto him.

Literally there is no reason for Jingyi to wrestle him to the ground like this outside of the context of a soccer match.

“You found us, how,” Jingyi demands, frowning. “Did you put a tracker on me?”

He huffs, bunching up his knees and kicking up, before rolling away with the bundle. “I will neither confirm or deny your accusations. Goodbye.”

Rulan is at the window, slamming it shut, and holding out a hand, snarling rabidly at him. The scuffle he was tackled into had knocked over metal plates and car parts all over the floor, everything looks like it’s a disaster zone, if he was at home then Father would have lost it. The shining mistress of the Jin family snarls at him, forcing him to step away from the window with the sight of his sharp canines alone, eyes narrowing at him and his bundle.

“Give that over,” he frowns. “And then you can scram.”

“I broke into your house to get it back,” he stresses, with hysterical stress. “No.”

“No can’t do, Ouyang,” Jingyi’s voice drifts to him, as his wrist is seized. “We need it.”

“And Qing-jie needs it, but none of y’all are telling me what you need it for -”

The door eases open with a loud creak, like a bow on an erhu string gone wrong, and both boys might as well have screamed in his face because the expressions on their faces are thunderous.

“Uncle!” Jingyi squeaks.

“Uncle!” Rulan also yips, stepping away from the window, and coming over to -

Oh my god he needs to scream.

Doctor Wei and Hanguang-Jun are at the door, brows raised in vague interest at the war zone spilling out all over their socked feet, Doctor Wei humming interestedly at their thunderstruck and mutually devastated faces.

Jin Rulan is almost the same height as his uncle but he’s looking as if somebody ran over his finessed bow. He and Jingyi, who unhands Zizhen quickly, are both standing and arms splaying, kicking and shifting so that the mess of robot parts are somewhat not so obviously sprawling all over the floor.

“A-Zhen!” Doctor Wei beams, and proceeds to squeeze him in a hug until he dies, stuffing his face into a shirtfront with too much Versace sprayed all over it. “You didn’t say you were friends with the kids!”

“We don’t know each other,” he squeezes out, gasping as he’s released.

“Not a friend,” Rulan vehemently denies.

Lan Wangji lifts two unimpressed eyebrows. Rulan swallows back whatever else he was meant to say.

“Occasionally a friend?” Jingyi amends.

He turns and gripes at the Lan boy - “How can someone be occasionally a friend, you lump of spineless potato?”

“His insults are creative,” Doctor Wei notes, half way between an explanation and a praise. “Listen, kids -”

He then gets cut off by Jingyi and Rulan, talking not only over each other, but in synching fragmented sentences.

Jingyi “Uncles, we’re going to pack this up, we know you need the house for guests to come over -”

“ - and we will introduce you and acquaint everyone, but this guy needs to hand over his things first and then everyone can go,” Rulan finishes, hand still reaching out to Zizhen and his bundle.

He tries to step away, but two much taller men - Lan Wangji and Doctor Wei, are in his way, benevolently smiling and stoically staring down at him, and he feels his resolve crumbling. In fear, but also they are educators and they’ve perfectly polished the I’m not angry at you, I’m just disappointed and very very sad.

“Sounds like a party in here,” he hears the dreaded singsong, the sound of the dead coming to collect his soul and putting him through all the levels of hell.

Song-Xiao Qing pokes her head around Lan Wangji’s elbow and beams at him. “Oh you’re here! I thought I had to call for you! You made my job so easy, marshmallow boy.”

“Uh,” he’s still being held captive by Doctor Wei. “Please. Explain.”

Lan Yuan finally emerges, serene, beautiful, refreshing and soft-spoken.

“Many apologies for my family’s treatment of you, Zizhen-xiong. Would you like some tea?”

The gist of it is this -

It was a test. And his gut feelings were correct.

And the test was Would Ouyang Zizhen Make Good Agent. Apparently he passed, because nobody expected him to pursue the bundle all the way to the Jin Manor, along with wrestling with Jingyi so fiercely.

“You -” he looks at Qing-jie, who is sipping chrysanthemum tea so calmly, as if she hadn’t led him on some wild goose chase. “I actually have no words. That was very clever.”

“I have words,” Jin Rulan, apparently part of whatever the hell this is too, whinges from his post at the arm of Lan Wangji’s chair. “Why him?”

“What, besides the obvious?” Jingyi looks at his friend. “He held me off, and snuck into Gusu. Like, impressive?”

“The sticker was a nice touch,” Qing-jie notes. “Although we did make it easy on ya.”

“He’s calm,” A-Yuan smiles at him. “You’re very calm, even though you opposed to this vehemently.”

He gestures broadly, to Everyone Present. “I can’t exactly freak out before this peanut gallery. I want to live past 5 pm today. I have an aunt’s dinner I have to go to. I can’t die before that.”

A-Yuan shrugs like that’s a good answer. It is. He knows. He has a few fire-breathing aunts himself.

“So,” someone prompts. “About this -”

“The answer is still no,” he looks over specifically at Qing-jie, who he knows no doubt will be sending him on more of these trips.

“You did good though,” Jingyi notes. “Considering that you improv like, 9 out of 10 things.”

“Well excuse me for being new at this stuff, how am I supposed to -” he stops his snapping tone as a familiar face walks by, blinking widely as the entourage of idiots who may or may not are influencing a youth in joining the forces to lawbreaking. How is Hanguang-Jun in the middle of this, he just wants to talk. He swallows his caustic words, and cautions a wave to the boy. “Hey, A-Song.”

A-Song bows back to everyone. “Zizhen-xiong -”

“Calling me gege is fine, sheesh, this kid -”

“I’ll see you at tutoring, gege,” A-Song, Jin Rusong, literally the sweetest kid ever, smiles back politely, before he retreats back to where he has to go back to, leaving their Idiot Entourage to their own.

“You know my cousin?” Rulan quirks a judgemental eyebrow.

“Yes,” he replies, tersely. “Can you not pay attention? He said tutoring. I tutor him. Shut up, I’m only mean to you because you’ve an awful personality.”

Nobody is sure who laughed but there is a ripple of a muffled laugh as Rulan screeches that I’ll have your head, Ouyang!

“Our deal is off,” Qing-jie snaps her fingers before his face. “You can go now.”

“Just like that?” He squints, suspicious. “No forcing?”

“No forcing,” Doctor Wei smiles, the same Jiang-Wei smile that put the cardiac arrest in people’s hearts. People being undergraduates. “We’ll win you over one of these days,” Doctor Wei slaps a fist to a palm. “Our doors are always open for you to join, A-Zhen.”

Lan Wangji levels a stare at him. “Hmn.”

He’s not quite sure how Doctor Wei isn’t freaking out in the presence of his beloved Lan-er gege but he’s not going to ask or go there. He has a dinner to go to.

“Well,” he stands, and bows, because he still has manners. “I’ll be taking my leave?”

“I’ll see you off,” Doctor Wei also stands, turning to the four idiot monkeys first. “Here ya go, kids. Don’t be playing hot potato with that now.”

It’s then that he realises that his bundle is gone, yet again, and Doctor Wei had only hugged him once.

“Shall we go?” The Doctor’s eye glints, and he wants to bolt out the door.

“How are you a part of this too?” He hisses to the Good Doctor, the top medical examiner of the goddamn country and youngest biology professor in his college, as he is shown out.

“I’ll tell you when you join,” is the cryptic answer he gets, as the doors close behind him.

Tell me, his Kermit brain says. But then you’ll have to join, his rational robotics brain whispers back.

Zizhen elects to just scream at the door and turns on his heels marching out.

The nerve of some people!

#mdzs #future fic #modern college AU #ouyang zizhen #lan jingyi #a-qing #jin ling #lan sizhui #jin rusong #lan wangji #wei wuxian #there is a universe where people fear lwj more than lan qiren #it is here #spy AU #this is so stupid please love it for me

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capicactus-blog · 5 years ago

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Rant #1

It's been three days since i laid off my Instagram and Facebook accounts. It's amazing sometimes how certain moments may seem to affect you greatly, post-momentum i.e. Surely during the moment it is an entirely different feeling and thought process running through your mind. It is certainly confusing of how our brain works. Sometimes it is hard to narrow down my own self into a mould of 'who i am'. My reactions, which define who i am, cannot be contained into a bottle labelled with my name. I'm reaching out here and there, all over the place and i realize, human beings can't simply be restricted by definitions and one-word contractions of who they actually are. Like this post which will all be over the place because i can't stay focused on one topic. It is not that i am completely freeing myself from my social media accounts (though there is hardly anything happening over there and it is drier than the Sahara).Like i said, i do not grasp the functioning of our brains and much relatedly mental disorders. I really don't understand the schematics of depression. Like i just woke up on 6th January, 2020 and realised that my body has decided to produce the sad hormones and....sadness in just a generally large scale. I was going through that horrible process of my depressed state again, after months. The urge to eat, clean or even move was gone entirely. I am just filled with a certain lack of will. (Fuck you, will. Come back.) What is not a coincidence is that i heard my ex was back in town just the previous day and it seems like he tagged my depression along. (Pfft. ikr. Always an ex situation depressing someone). I am proud to say, for the first time since my breakup it is not entirely him as a reason for this downtrodding. It just piled up slowly and facepalmed me gloriously, my sister leaving after the holidays (Backstory: we are extremely close and fond of each other), the stress and influence of social anxiety stemming from a birthday party i attended (Plus i'm an empath, it was fucking overwhelming, i am not exaggerating). The afterbite of socializing is often bitter and this one was no less. I'm extremely scared to remind myself and face the facts of the embarrassing embodiment of the person i am in social events, the one who tries so hard to be funny, to please everyone and simply desperate to blend in. Mostly i like being away from people because i hate the influence they have upon me. It takes upon a heavy toll on my mental state and i end up reeling myself into a horrible place from all the overthinking and flashbacks of potential embarrassments. When i am alone, i am truly at peace and have everything in my power. I'm not influenced and i can be truly my idiotic self with no one to ask me what i am doing or even just merely stare at me. No matter how much i try to expand my boundaries, i can't ever be that cool calm person blending within a group. I simply am not that kind of person and i have accepted that. I love who i am (occasionally). The one truly sad thing about us introverts is that the people around us never understand get this part of ourselves, this anxiety and the peace of being alone. It is always "you never go out" "why don't you talk to anyone" "you're so quiet." "try to be a little social atleast" and other infuriating questions. I guess we just have to keep going through these with an awkward smile. Like always.

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robininthelabyrinth · 6 years ago

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Eyestealer 9 - ao3 link

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama (mostly gen, hints of other relationships)

Summary: Hashirama really doesn’t approve of the thoughtful way his father looks at his younger brother’s bright red eyes. He’s sure it doesn’t mean anything good for anyone.

He’s right.

——————————————————————————————

Of course, even with Izuna now (somewhat reluctantly) supporting their plans to build a village, peace wasn’t as simple as all that.

Even once they get over the yelling, screaming, and death threats involved in the negotiation process of setting up a peace treaty, even once they've gone through the officially mandated cool down period, and even once the village has started to actually be constructed, there are still – problems.

Tobirama’s eyes, for one.

Madara was right about his clan’s elders not being happy about Tobirama remaining outside Uchiha clan control, village or no village. They’re no longer calling for his head, which Hashirama begrudgingly supposes is something, but a number of them clearly and very loudly prioritize the protection of the Sharingan and its secrets over Tobirama’s total non-involvement with the original theft.

(It's sad, really, that the Uchiha clan records from that particular period of time have become too badly weathered for them to identify whose eyes exactly were the ones that were taken, so that even if there are rumors they cannot be confirmed. Very sad, very unfortunate, but what can they do, there's simply no other way to be entirely certain. Also, on a totally separate and unrelated note, it turns out that paper remembers enough about the plant it used to be, whether wood or rice, to be susceptible to Hashirama's Mokuton, and also Hashirama has exactly zero regrets about doing what is necessary to ensure no one has proof they could use to support a claim his brother's eyes as the price of a blood feud.)

At first, the bitter Uchiha elders limited themselves to trying to keep Tobirama from learning the jutsu techniques necessary to help him deal with it. When Madara teaches him some of them anyway, particularly the ones relating to sleep, the elders escalated to lodging formal complaints about Madara’s leadership, which he only repels with Izuna’s assistance. If they hadn't been able to get Izuna on board beforehand, Hashirama shudders to think about the result - but they do, and the elders are defeated and forced to abide by their clan leader's decision.

But when that doesn’t work…well.

They’re apparently even more bitter about the whole situation than Hashirama thought.

“Anija. Your feelings are –”

“I’m aware that my feelings are warping the architecture again,” Hashirama says tightly. “I’ll fix it later.”

“It’s really disturbing how you manage to keep smiling while radiating that much killing intent,” Madara observes, his chin on his hands. He had his own desk in what they’d tentatively dubbed the administrative center of their new village: they all did, given the vast amount of paperwork that creating a new village seemed to involve. “I mean, I always knew you were the type to smile all the time, but I didn’t realize there was so much effort involved.”

“He made a vow about it,” Tobirama says with a sigh. His eyes are blindfolded, which the Uchiha have confirmed helps reduce the strain on his chakra, but it’s not impeding the speed of his paperwork in the slightest. Hashirama rues the day his brother learned to sense chakra-infused ink. “I think he was four at the time? Possibly three. He was apparently a very stubborn child, which I’m sure comes as no surprise to anyone.”

“I don’t like being angry,” Hashirama says.

“So instead you’re…happy with a side of stabbing?”

“I’m not –” Hashirama pauses, looking at the remains of the chair that had been leaning next to the door. It was now impaled on multiple long thin spikes that have emerged from the wood of the wall. Also, the top part of the chair appears to be drowning in kudzu and blackberries in a method that would work quite well to smother a person, if one had been sitting there. “...yes. Apparently. But I haven’t stabbed any people.”

“Yet.”

“Yes, exactly, no people yet – hey!”

Madara sniggers. “I’m just glad Izuna’s away on mission,” he says. “He’d react even worse than you are. Even when they were only enemies, he didn’t even approve people other than him trying to kill Tobirama.”

There’s an audible crunch from the direction of the chair.

The ‘head’ of the chair is now less smothering, more exploding.

“…should I not be mentioning the elephant in the room, then?” Madara asks, but he has a shit-eating grin that suggests he will be mentioning this particular instance of Hashirama’s temper for the rest of their mutual existence and possibly longer, depending on how one felt about reincarnation.

“It was just an assassination attempt,” Tobirama says irritably. “It’s not that big a deal.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with assassinations –”

“I’m a shinobi.”

“– from inside the village, Tobirama! It’s our village. It should be safe.”

"Safe from what, though?" Madara muses. "Let us all take a moment to remember exactly who it was that nearly killed my brother in a sparring match."

In Tobirama's defense, Izuna had approached him and requested the match, wagering that no matter what Tobirama's mysterious new jutsu was, he would still come out the victor, or at least even as always, and of course Tobirama could never resist an opportunity to test out his new jutsu, particularly in near-battlefield conditions.

Unfortunately, they'd both gotten so accustomed to outright attempts to kill each other that they'd forgotten it was a spar about ten minutes in.

It also turned out Tobirama's new jutsu (the hiraishin, he called it) really could defeat the Sharingan.

Luckily for everyone involved, Tobirama realized he was supposed to be pulling his death-blows a split-second before he followed through on the strike. Not that Izuna particularly appreciated being only partly stabbed.

He did (somewhat begrudgingly) appreciate being healed, first by Tobirama in an attempt to keep him stable and then by Hashirama when he'd come running hard on Madara's heels to find out what had so alarmed his friend.

‎It'd very nearly been a disaster - Tobirama exhausted his chakra trying to heal Izuna, causing him to collapse, helpless; Madara nearly took off Tobirama's head in revenge for his brother’s apparent murder before Hashirama stopped him by virtue of throwing himself bodily in the way; Hashirama panicked when he saw that Tobirama was nearly unconscious and bloody and started to heal the wrong person even as Tobirama tried to smack him away, unable to explain; Madara freaked out even more when he saw that he’d nearly cut Hashirama in half by accident…

And, just to top it off, what felt half the Uchiha clan was hanging out around the sparring field watching and the sheer amount of killing intent everyone was pouring out activated all of their Sharingans, which meant the entire fiasco was now permanently seared into their brains.

Luckily for everyone, Izuna figured out what was going on before anyone else did and started laughing hysterically at the sheer absurdity of the four strongest shinobi in the entire country accidentally murdering each other after years of having tried very hard and failed to do that very thing, which in turn turned out was enough to distract them all from escalating the situation any further.

So in the end it was more comedy of errors than disaster.

Albeit just barely.

(Much more funny was letting some of the Uchiha sit in on Tobirama’s quarterly presentation of his newest jutsu research results, in which Hashirama usually spends the vast majority of time just sitting there saying, “Kinjutsu. Kinjutsu. Kinjutsu. No, I don’t care if it’d be effective, we’re not doing that. Kinjustu. Kinjutsu. Kin – I’m sorry, you can do what with people’s blood now? Huh. Okay, we can keep that one. But that specific usage of it is kinjutsu!” Their expressions were priceless, particularly when Hashirama subsequently informed them, after Tobirama had stormed away to sulk the way he always does when he feels his brilliance is being impeded by something as silly as ethics and basic humanity, that Tobirama had single-handled caused the Senju list of forbidden jutsu to triple in size.)

‎"That was a mistake, though," Hashirama protests. "This is different. This was targeted -"

"It wasn't even a good assassination attempt!" Tobirama exclaims. "Anija, I saw it coming a good ten minutes before it happened. Why are you so worried?"

"Because it wasn't a good attempt!" Hashirama exclaims.‎ "That means it was a feint to lull us into a sense of security for a future attack!"

‎"Hashirama," Madara says after a few long moments of silence. "That's paranoid. And trust me, I know paranoid."

Hashirama pouts. "It is, though," he insists. "Elders don't make it to being elders by being bad shinobi. You might know paranoia, but I know when people are trying to be underestimated, okay?"

"Hashirama..."

"Don't you 'Hashirama' me! There's something happening, okay? Something we haven't figured out yet."

"I still think you're exaggerating.‎"

"And I still think you have trouble realizing that your clan is capable of being guilty of more than just bad temper," Hashirama says, even though he knows it's uncalled for even as he says it.

It's true, but also uncalled for.

Sure enough, Madara scowls. "How can you say that? You know perfectly well that we're literally a cursed clan," he snarls. "Tobirama's even seen the tablet, if very briefly -"

"Speaking of which, I don't trust that so-called 'tablet'. Why would Indra leave one to his clan and not Ashura? Suspicious."

"First off, it was the Sage who left it, not Indra, and secondly, you've never even seen -"

"I don't need to see something to know bad advice when I hear it -"

"Either way, there's nothing we can do about it now," Tobirama interrupts, practical as ever. "But if there is another attack, I'll do my best to see it coming. So to speak."

He taps the blindfold pointedly.

(More people know about that now – not everyone, certainly, and it’s mostly rumor and speculation, but…people know. Some people act differently, others don’t, and a few guilty-looking souls among the Senju have put two and two together, judging by the way they avoid both of their leaders. Hashirama sincerely hopes they choke on their complicity.)

Seeing that Tobirama and Madara are in rare agreement, Hashirama sighs and droops into his favorite sulking pose - head down, shoulders curled in, general aura of gloominess around him. "I just want to protect you, Tobirama," he says with a moan of despair‎. "I'm your big brother. It's my job."

"Then stop sulking and get back to work," Tobirama says mercilessly. "Something which, let me remind you, is also your job, except unlike taking care of me, it is literally your job."

‎"He's not going to be any use to anyone until he gets this out of his system," Madara says, not wholly incorrectly. "We could spar -"

"One of you is doing this paperwork with me."

"Fine, fine. Hashirama -"

"I'll go take a walk," Hashirama sighs. He can tell when he’s being more of a burden than a help. Given his focus issues, it's not that uncommon a feeling when paperwork is involved. He tries, he really does, but no matter what he does he keeps on drifting off to think of other things a few minutes in and ends up writing out poetry or ideas for a new taijutsu technique instead of reviewing the mission reports he's supposed to be dealing with. And that's assuming he maintains the ability to sit in one place for that long... "But don't leave Tobirama alone, okay, Madara? If I'm not back before moonrise, you can stay at our house."

"Anija -"

"Promise me," Hashirama demands, ignoring Tobirama's expression of long-suffering annoyance.

"I promise, I promise," Madara says. "If my clan elders try anything, I'll be here to stop them. Okay? So you can calm down and stop doing the creepy vine thing."

It's not creepy. It's just what vines do.

...when they're extremely vicious and also subject to about three seasons growth in the space of ten minutes.

"It's kudzu," ‎Hashirama hears Tobirama tell Madara behind him as he hops out the window in search of anywhere-but-here. "Invasive, parasitic, and extremely destructive – the other one’s blackberries, which is if anything worse, don’t let it get out anywhere, we'll never get rid of it – and if you think you can't get sick of a fruit, let me tell you -"

Hashirama goes for a walk.

Normally the sight of his budding village is enough to calm him and make him happy - the sight of all those people, living in peace side by side; no longer just Uchiha and Senju but other clans, more and more by the month as they realize where the centralized shinobi power in Fire Country now lies - but today it just grates at his nerves.

They really need to get a police system up and running. Madara already agreed that his clan would take leadership of it - it was only reasonable given their abilities, just as the considerably higher proportion of Senju with iryo ninjutsu skills made them the obvious choice to run the hospital - but they haven't worked out the kinks of how or who will be involved.

If they had a police, maybe they could have already set up a system of punishment for when people try to murder other people for no good reason.

...no, walking through the village isn’t helping.

Hashirama decides to go walk through the forest instead.

(The Forest of Death is not a garden. It’s just where he keeps the more…interesting manifestation of his powers, that’s all. Not a garden.)

Today, though, even tending to the large carnivorous sunflowers and the snowdrops that have taken to spitting acid – listen, okay, Hashirama doesn’t like being angry and he’s great at sublimating that, but those feelings have to go somewhere and apparently when you have the Mokuton the answer to where they go is into the local plantlife – isn’t really doing the trick.

Maybe if he went outside the village?

Yes, that’ll be nice. Some real wild forest, free and growing and smelling of green – that’ll help him feel better.

Except it doesn’t.

Hashirama frowns.

The restless, anxious feeling that’s been bothering him all day – more than all day, for several days, maybe even a few weeks – is much worse out here. Much worse.

And that means the feeling isn’t his.

Hashirama reaches for the plants.

They don’t actually reach back, don’t whisper back the way he imagined when he was a kid, but they’re there for him, always, and through them he knows that something is wrong, and where.

Not what – trees are frankly terrible at understand what animal life is up to, still stuck on wondering why in the world anything would want to move around as much as all that, and while moss is surprisingly good at figuring out human motives (people apparently have a lot of sex on moss) it’s also functionally blind, so there’s that – but at least they can tell him where.

Something draining, apparently. Something a bit like a hole in the ground, a bit like weed-killer or worms, the bad ones that eat at roots instead of munching on dirt, but also apparently growing-plant-like in a strange way, a bit like lawns?

(No one likes lawns. Not even the grass in the lawn like it.)

Well, since being a sensor isn’t one of Hashirama’s skills – he likes to think he wouldn't be totally blind if he really tried, but between Madara (unusually strong) and Tobirama (not worth comparing to), he’s never had much reason to practice it all that much – the only thing for it is to go see what it is himself.

Hashirama is aware that the correct thing to do is to send a message back to the administrative center and get someone else to do it, like a proper Hokage, but that would involve going back into the village and his nerves are still scraped raw from the bad-plant-feeling and the assassination attempt on his baby brother for something he didn’t even do, and damnit, they call him the God of Shinobi, he can check out a threat that has somehow made its way to their front door without even Tobirama noticing without calling backup.

He’ll be fine.

Now, Hashirama admits that sometimes he’s an idiot. Usually, he’s the sort of idiot that’s just talented or lucky enough to get himself out of whatever stupid situation he ends up in.

This is – not one of those times.

The clearing seemed fine, when he finds it, but oddly enough the trees inside the clearing aren’t responding to him.

It’s not until he walks in to figure out what’s going on that he suddenly realizes that they aren’t real trees, they’re made of something else, something different, something white and artificial and wrong and he’s falling –

#senju hashirama #senju tobirama #uchiha madara #eyestealer #my fic

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danganronpasurvivor · 7 years ago

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Hello,sorry if I made you cry. :) I actually have a question now. How did you come up with all of the characters because they are really well made? (Especially Akihiko and Eri in my opinion)

OH GOSH, that means so much aaaaa!!! I can try my best to explain the process from my perspective, but obviously Teshis had a huge hand in it, too!!!

I’m going to go into as much detail as I can below the cut!!! Of course, some aspects of answering would be spoilerish, so I’ll do my best with what I can share.

Personality:

So at the time, NDRV3 wasn’t really quite... a THING, yet, so Teshis and I looked towards the first and second games and started noticing patterns within the cast. This comes into play more with the Physical appearances, so we’ll get more into that later, but basically we noticed some tropes and started making our own twists on things. Ayano was the first of the non-inspired characters to be made, so her personality was actually one we decided pretty early on. Characters like Aoi and Akane were a bit slow, but very high-energy, so we wanted to make a twist on that. Ayano is more tired and spacey; She’s not dumb, she just rambles and asks questions a lot and tends to be more Quirky in her tastes and the way she presents herself.

A few other characters spawned from SUPER early talks.

Look familiar?

Over a year ago, we kept making this random character named “Person A” who was this Kid-At-Heart, kinda slow, but overall loving and caring bro. Later on we made him into the Akihiko Igarashi we know and love today. His name Akihiko is actually because of the “A” in “Person A”. For a character like him, though, we needed something to match his high-energy, and I believe it was Teshis who decided Daredevil fit best. It doesn’t do to just Stop there, though. With any character, they need Depth, a backstory, reasons for the way they are.

Akihiko is reckless, but he’s very caring and looks out for others. Why? Because he’s the 3rd oldest of 9, and both his older siblings are away at University. He’s had to take a more responsible role, but at the end of the day what he knows best is making people smile. That’s why he got into doing dumb stunts in the first place. He gets to meet all kinds of people in his life, and gets to know his very large family, so this makes him charismatic and personable, as well as very accepting of others. He tends to be a bad liar, cause even though he just wants to make everyone happy, he struggles Not being true to himself.

Eri is another twist on trying to make a character more than just a trope, however you can see that more in the answered asks than in the demo currently. As an internet sensation, it makes sense that she’s good at playing a part, that she’s very talented in lots of hobbies and regularly looks for new experiences. While she might play a dumb, cutesy girl, she’s got a lot of smarts, and having dealt with thousands of douchebags, she knows when to put her foot down and when to help others.

I hope that gives you an idea of what we thought about to make our characters more well-rounded.

Lastly, the seven self-insert-ish/Inspired characters (as I like to call them now) were all BASED on our close friends in our DnD-esque campaign December 2016. However a lot of their personalities have been fiddled with to fit the dynamics of the group. Teshi was made into more of a Tsundere and her dislike of DDR stems from Teshis own, but was exaggerated for comedic effect.Yuuki, my own character, is actually so different from me now that I hardly consider them a self-insert. I would NOT be that cool under pressure and they have much more Smarts than myself, both of which tie a lot into their backstory.

Physically:

SO, this is where Teshis and my own input starts going maybe 40-60. Obviously I drew them all, but I was constantly talking through decisions and getting opinions and ideas from Tesh, so they had a fair amount going into the designs as well!

[About Orochi]And to be completely honest: I often was winging it! I think Eri was the only character who had MULTIPLE sketches made, but Tesh had come up with the hair concept in advanced, so it was just the outfit.

And again!!! To be honest? There’s a lot I think I could have done better with. Mikio for sure I wish I had thought of something more... original. And in general I think my designs tend to be very simple, which I do for ease of redrawing, but I think it often shows as a lack of understanding basics in memorable designs. While someone like Akihiko is memorable AND simple, I think someone like Yuuki might be less distinguishable from other sources in some ways.

That does bring up the designs of the Inspired Characters, however. Characters like Teshi and Daniela were totally my own thought process since they were originally, originally Early Christmas Gifts. Then we have ones like Yorua and Anabelle who were for the Dnd-esque game and their Creators were very clear in their ideas for what their character should look like. I followed that guidance and, while adding my own touches, mostly went through with their requests. That being said I’m sure Belle, if she had known what we know now, would have come up with something very historic or fun for her character.

In general we had personalities and talents before designing the characters. That’s what really guided me in my drawing, like making Akihiko’s outfit bright and based around motorcycle suits. Orochi worked in an office building and was supposed to be someone ya kinda wanted to punch, hence his signature Smug Grin and dressier fashion. Ayano was based around the “Sporty Big Breasted Brunette Girl” trope, but she also did Snowboarding in particular, so she wears winter gear and keeps her hair in a braid. Bee Gee was our kind of Fun, Doesn’t-Look-Like-Everyone-Else design, but that’s only because I thought the trope of having her eyes hidden constantly since she’s Short and wearing a Hat would be very funny.

Talents:

To be honest, I don’t recall a lot of it, other than just going through other people’s like, lists of 150 SHSL ideas and stuff. I could go through Tesh and I’s conversations and see who came up with what, but off the top of my head I know Teshis thought of Orochi’s talent (since we wanted an “unlikeable” character, he needed a terrible talent to go with it)I know I came up with Yuuto’s as just like... a random Shower Thought ahaha.

Names:

I already went over the meanings of names in This Post Here

But here’s some screenshots about the process!!!

This ended up SUPER FRICKING LONG, sorry to ramble your ear off!!!We’ve put a lot of thought and heart into these characters, so I cannot even begin to explain just how much asks like this mean to us. And maybe if you’re looking to make your own characters this can help give you some ideas about how to do it???

In general the order of stuff wasTalent -> Personality -> Name -> DesignBut you could mix it up and do whatever feels best for your brain!!!

#Answered #Mod Yuuki #Anonymous

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funkymbtifiction · 7 years ago

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ENFP and authenticity

I figure you would be the best person to ask this to because you are also an ENFP. I don’t really feel like I strive to be authentic. I don’t even know what my core values are, to be honest. I can’t make a list. I’m flexible and that’s probably the Ne. Fight my opinion and I’ll bend. Many people say I’m so into new possibilities I’m basically on board as soon as you make a proposition. For example, my husband will get a new phone and ask “do you want one?” I’ll be like, “I do not feel like researching it… is it cool?” “Well I like it… that’s why I bought it…” “OK, SOLD. I’M READY FOR CHANGE.” Same with major life things. Say, I don’t want kids but if my husband has a good argument “ok that’s sound— let’s do it.”

I tend to just go with the flow, and put on a show for people. I like to make people laugh, impress people etc so I go spin out of control on tangents made purely for them to boast my own ego. Sort of like “I am what you want me to be… aren’t I brilliant?” Of course if you’re an ESFJ or something, I tailor myself to nails and hair but damn that exhausts me. Otherwise, it’s all a big show– I’m like a big flirt with a HIGH percentage of loyalty. Maybe its the excitement of being a million different people at the same time… and sometimes that’s tiring, too don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I go home and ask myself “well ok who am I then, you’re a bunch of masks and nothing else…” but I never have an answer what I stand for. I feel like I can’t self-analyze that well.. I never have a real concept of what I want to be or why.

So… is this relate-able to you? Can you write down what “offends” you? What does “authenticity” mean to you? Thanks!

I’m pretty open to new ideas on some levels (always said I don’t want kids but it wouldn’t take much to change my mind), but if someone asks me what it means to be authentic, I’d counter with, “Is anyone ever truly authentic?” and then lead you into a discussion on authenticity. Can you be 100% authentic, when a lot of what “you” is comprised of, you did not “invent” yourself, but is the product of a billion different influences in your life? That show you watched at five years old. That book you read at twelve. That person that said that thing to you at sixteen. That idea you got from somewhere at thirty. The only thing authentic about it is that you took in a crap-load of external influences and became… you. And unlike anyone else. So yeah, you’re authentic, so far as that goes.

I can’t really say what I “stand for” other than I know it when I see it, and I say what I think when I need to, and I can trust myself to tell me when I’ve had enough. (And I argue myself out of being upset or angry if it’s not really that big of a deal. I realize what I prioritize are not other people’s priorities, but I’m still learning to be ‘okay’ with being upset about those things and feeling like I have that right and don’t have to be accommodating.)

Some people adopt social personas and masks to cope with reality, or to be likable to others, or to cover up insecurities, or simply because they like how it feels to “change faces.” I’m sure some other ENFPs who do this can relate to you and maybe a few will reblog and comment about it, but I can’t relate to it.

In my opinion, no one knows authenticity better than a Fi-dom. I’m a little bit clueless due to it being second in my stack (and I didn’t even recognize I HAD Fi for what, four years?) If you asked me who I am, I’d laugh and say, “Who the hell knows?” in that Ne-dom flippant way I have of being dismissive when in reality I know who I am–I’m a writer, and a funny person with quick comebacks, and a cat lover, and someone who is easily bored and has little patience for idiocy. I stick out bad relationships too long even after being disillusioned and feel like I couldn’t list my core values until I think back to one or two situations in my life where I had this enormous NOPE reaction to something other people could not begin to understand (and thought, “Gosh, she just overreacted like a nuclear explosion in a bouncy castle”).

One was when I saw a friend’s mom basically strong-arming her into a higher education she did not want, and my Fi brain just exploded with, “No one should be able to force anyone else into doing anything.” Another was when a bunch of people in a group basically admitted to collective cowardice and defended it, and my Fi went, “If you will not stand on your principles when it hurts, you have no moral spine.” And then I left that group because I was done.

Sometimes you figure out what your ethical core is when you realize other people not doing it makes you upset. I’m a very responsible person, and others being irresponsible chaps my ass. Until I realized that’s one of my “core values,” I could not figure out why they annoyed me so much.(Is it that hard to keep your promises? Or do your work on time? Or do a good job? Or get there on time? Or remember things to avoid having the same conversation 34 times?)

So, in my opinion, it’s less about what you THINK your core values are and more about the times in your life when something burns a hole in your gut as being so incredibly WRONG that you just will NOT stand for it. It disgusts you so much, you refuse to have anything to do with it, and your respect for the people involved drops to subzero temperatures because there’s no middle ground on this issue. Not for you. Not with this. And if people don’t like it, tough.

I’m guessing you have an Enneagram 3 in your stack (since you like to “impress people”) because my 4 pretty much demands I not conform. I care more about being right / smart and seen as intelligent than I do about conforming to the current conversation; if I’m bored or not interested, I won’t talk. I don’t really feel like it falls to me to be the group’s social entertainment, although if I’m in a good mood and feeling theatrical that day, I can take my share of the air time and put on a show / exaggerate something to be funny for the audience. But it’s not automatic, and it’s completely reliant on how much I “care” that day. I cannot fake anything for love nor money.

Being authentic for me is more of an unconscious process and sometimes takes a backseat to good old “you’re not the boss of me” Fi behavior, where I have a rebellious reaction whenever I feel like anyone is pressuring me or trying to change me in some way. Some dude tried to give me grief for having too many different tastes once and I shut him down faster than a garage door in a hurricane. He tried to recommend stuff to me I might have even liked, except I’d decided to argue with everything he said, because his elitist attitude annoyed me so much. I went from semi-chill to full blown bitch in .45 seconds. (And have felt bad about it ever since, but that has not really altered my behavior… because I still do this with people who get on my nerves.)

Basically, don’t try to boss me. It doesn’t work when my dad does it. It doesn’t work when my friends do it. And it really doesn’t work when you try to do it.

I guess that’s another of my semi-problematic authentic traits: you’re not the boss of me and if you think you are, life is about to get really rough.

For you. ;)

I have no clue if I even answered your question.

- ENFP Mod

#question #enfp #mbti #submission

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fangirlinginleatherboots · 7 years ago

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I'm not sure if you're awake right now but I wanna ask, can you describe some things your ocd causes(I don't know if that's a good word to use but it's all I can think of) you to do? I'm wanting to write a story involving a character with ocd, while I'm doing research I remembered (I might be wrong though so feel free to correct me) that I think you said somewhere before you had it and since you kind of inspire me to go after things I thought I ask. If it's too personal feel free to delete!

Also, ocd story anon, I read that trauma can be a cause of ocd, do you believe that your ocd could've come from your trauma?

This is a very very long response going into a few of my (and some alters) OCD traits and some reasoning behind them and the range of responses I have to various triggers. It actually helps me analyze my traits better when ppl ask stuff like this so I may have gone overboard as stuff kinda clicked in my brain but hopefully somewhere in here you will get your answer.

So, I’m going to start with the last question first. MY OCD was not caused by my trauma, however my traumas have completely shaped my compulsions and obsessions to a point where my OCD traits are almost inseparable from my PTSD. See, I’m autistic, and OCD is part of this co-morbidity package a lot of autistic people end up with, to a point where the co-morbid disorders are often not even diagnosed after the autism is because its that common. (They’ll diagnose separately if you need treatment for one of them. like the reason i have ADHD and OCD listed as dx’s is because the doctors count them separately on me bc i need medication for them, but they’re extremely common to the point of being expected with most ASD dxs)

Yes, I have OCD and have always had, but my trauma caused so much anxiety that the disorder reshaped itself around specific triggers. There are many layers to my OCD, it’s actually a strange sort of nonspecific looking presentation because of how many alters also have OCD, so it becomes difficult to tell who has which O and C thus there being a lot of inconsistency in whether or not a trigger affects me.

It’s also worth nothing that some doctor’s feel that I fit under the specific label of “scrupulosity” or rOCD (Religious OCD) because of how much of my stuff revolves around religion. I don’t always agree that it’s this because while my O and C are based on religious themes, I don’t believe in the concepts behind the things. I believe most of the religious stuff is just from religious trauma.

On one layer, I have a number obsession. There are certain numbers that are tolerable, a few that are “cursed,” and one that is “blessed” and one that is “perfect.” I will do anything to change things to match my blessed and perfect numbers. I will even fudge the truth a little (not a lie, often an exaggeration, by about one or two digits) to make something fit those numbers. To randomly come across a cursed number or even just a slightly intolerable one, makes me very anxious and can shape how i spend my day and how much time i spend with my better numbers. The way my trauma shaped this compulsion was that my numbers tie to religious stuff, since my traumatic environment was often religious, or trauma would be inflicted with religious reasons.

There is an alter that has a compulsion to say a prayer. When we have intrusive thoughts (which you super need to research if you’re writing OCD bc it is a KEY PART of the disorder but ill go into it later here), someone starts reciting the prayer. Sometimes I will as well just because it’s easier to go along with it. Not completing the prayer is not an option. I mean that with absolutely every intent. Not completing the prayer is NOT AN OPTION. It does elieviate some background anxiety, so whoever is dealing with that is being helped by the compulsion, but it is extremely frustrating and upsetting, especially since i am as non-religious as i can possibly manage to be. The prayer is also said whenever something is uneasy or something triggers specific flashbacks.

One of the most obviously noticeable and upsetting for all involved O and C is being “dirty.” There’s a VERY wide range of triggers here, from actually dirty/germy/unclean things, to unpleasant/intolerable sensory triggers, all the way to conceptual dirtiness like sin, virginity, and lying. This can affect me subtly sometimes, like how i compulsively tell the truth and over share so that i feel clean or how i cannot go to sleep after a fight if it has not been resolved. (”never go to bed angry” they said, well shit now i literally cant cool.) This can also hit me violently and to a point where I am a danger to myself. I worked at a movie theater for a summer some time ago and touched something that was a bad sensory feeling while cleaning a dirty theater. I then proceeded to scrub my hands in near-boiling water for almost fifteen minutes in the break room, broke down sobbing, and when I got home i sat under very very hot water in the shower until my skin was raw and red for days. It doesn’t often get to that point, but when it does, I’ve been held down for my own safety since I’ll literally rip my skin and bite myself to punish myself for being dirty. It is frequently bad enough that I will let myself do something “dirty” as a form of self harm since it seriously makes me miserable and sick. This stuff comes both from religious trauma and from just....crappy normal autism feelings and manifests as my most disabling OCD trait.

There are other things like closing drawers and straightening and arranging things that are done to feel that I am being “good” because of reprimands I received in the past that made me feel like I am “bad.” I am sometimes able to not act on these compulsions, though it takes conscious effort to choose not to. Whether or not this stems from trauma doesn’t really matter to me. I know that most of the fronting alters have these “little OCDs” be it through me or for their own reasons. Tia for instance has to keep things in the kitchen a certain way and Phoebe has to complete certain physical activities a certain way or else she gets upset or feels she did a very bad job/failed.Since I’m really just. going at this question lmao lets talk a little about intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are upsetting/disturbing/unacceptable thoughts you do not take pleasure in. For me, a few of them make me feel dirty, which triggers my compulsions very badly. Some relate to trauma, others don’t make sense. There are very common ones such as urges to kill or mutilate self or others, urges to do disastrous things (like causing a huge car accident), urges to do disgusting sexual acts (to self or others, often to unacceptable people like children, elders, and the undesired sex), urges to become a serial killer/rapist/shooter/etc, and other such painfully upsetting things such as those. These are often what fuel the obsessions in OCD and the compulsions are to make these thoughts stop or hurt less. Personally, I get a lot of sexual ones because of how poorly the topic was handled in my childhood. I get ones about elaborately slaughtering a specific abuser, about doing things that will kill me, about mutilating myself and mutilating pets (those are the ones that fuck me up the most i think), and about doing very destructive things that would harm a lot of people. I also get some about terrorism happening where I am, but that one is FOR SURE a trauma thing so maybe it could just be my PTSD.

Intrusive thoughts occur with a LOT of different disorders!!!!! It’s just OCD when you have compulsions to cope with them. Even then, it has to be a certain way for it to qualify.

I hope I was able to give you somewhere to start in terms of information. OCD is a very big disorder and is a major reason why I’m unable to function in a workplace environment. I didn’t go into the specifics of every compulsion, but if you have questions, I don’t mind talking about this stuff. It helps me process it to explain it to others and I end up healing a little through oversharing I think.

#bootsie's advice column #collective #bootsie's adventures #Anonymous

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genetictumble · 7 years ago

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A Very Creative Girl

I’d read this story already. You know the super scary one with the humanoid thing that convinces you it’s friendly with ease only to be discovered as the exact opposite. Our class had been assigned to reading this story and analyzing it, and by analyzing I meant studying how descriptive words are used. Mostly for a refresher, I read the story a second time.

No matter how many times I read a story, it engulfs me entirely. The moment I finish the first sentence, everything plays out before me and the world around me disappears. This is where is starts sounding cliché, right there, with the whole becoming a part of the story. I realized that years ago when I tried to explain that I actually become part of the story. Everyone I spoke to told me that it was normal, I thought that we were seeing eye to eye and that everyone did this. I cannot emphasize enough how wrong I was. In my own defense I was very young when I had all of these talks. To my dismay, as a teenager saying these things to people I either sound like I just came from woodstock or everyone thinks I am a very creative girl.

I hate describing things in my stories now. Whenever I review them everything starts to feel hypnagogic. Reading my own stories is worse than déjá vu on an acid trip, not that I know what one is like.

As soon as I laid eyes on the story everything seemed to melt away. My body could not physically move but my mind did all of that for me, so we took a look around. This story started in a empty street, in which the sun was setting, almost perfectly aligned with one end of the road that disappeared into what had been described as a horizon. A man strolled down the street. He had on an ironed, navy blue suit with a black shirt underneath. He called it his interview suit and was confident in every step with a new title to his name. He was…

A woman caught his eye across the street walking more quickly. The woman’s thick brown curls bounced like feathers in a basket with every step she took. The steps drew no sound from her red wedged heels. Her hips, oh those woman’s hips, swayed only a little as she moved. He shook his head. I wanted to shake mine as well. Get it together Matthias.

Matthias continued to watch the woman from his side of the road. She was beyond gorgeous. This woman seemed to move with the most perfect precision so that her movement flowed more smoothly than the wind. Matthias, being the confident man he was today, decided he would take a shot. What’s the worst that could happen? Even if the woman were to flat out reject him, he had still gotten a very nice job that would win him a woman just as beautiful. Matthias adjusted the black tie around his neck like any man would before approaching a beautiful woman, and began to cross the street.

“Excuse me, miss!” he said with a full voice. The woman stopped to look back at him as he-

The knock on my door caused my entire vision to shatter into tiny glass pieces. I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my ears to close out the shriek that always followed a disruption. My sister never spoke when it was time for dinner. She only knocked three times, our little code. I put away the story and begin to reorient myself.

This is my room. The queen sized bed with lime green bedding is my current sitting place. The walls around me are only slightly darker than maroon. The walls are not very close and it is dark outside. I can tell through my window across the room that forest green curtains parted to display the stars outside. This is the real world and it is time for dinner with my family.

My feet find the hardwood floor and begin their march to the bedroom door. Upon my unmotivated request, my parents replaced the original door of the room with one of mahogany. I am currently trying to find the reason behind such a desire, but I followed it.

As I make my way to the stairway I looked at the years of family pictures on the wall.

~~~

Leah is my best friend. She is my creative writing teacher but she is also very kind and understanding. I’m spending my lunch time with her, she’ll let me read a paper from another student if she thinks it is really good. Most of the stories aren’t that great, when you can see it all around you it is easy to see many flaws.

I look up to Leah after finishing another story. This one was almost as if a game had glitches, staticky and unclear. As I watch her read I begin to wonder what goes through her mind when she reads all of these papers. How does someone who can’t read like me see a story this bad as good?

I study her face as my mind wanders, the way her eyes narrow occasionally and how her right hand picks at her earlobe. I can only guess that she has seen a severe mistake when he forehead wrinkles and her eyebrows come together

~~~

There he is. I’d followed him all day waiting for him to check out that book I had recommended. Mason chose a park bench by the walkway paved for jogging and biking to read his book. I plopped down on a park swing just far enough away for him not to see me watching him like this.

I waited for him to get comfortable. I’d been practicing for so long. This whole thing is so selfish, but I can’t help myself. He opened the book and began to read. After a few seconds I begin to read too.

I decided to write the scenery around us to make things easier for both of us. Mason did not notice the change such as the disappearance of everything around us. I decided it was time for him to put the book down beside him and stand up. He had always had an amazing grace in his movement. His posture always unwavering, his movement fluid and confident.

At this moment his confusion was visible on his face. It was time for a young woman to approach him on the walkway, me. The bounce of my brown curls had been exaggerated for the sake of the scene. Mason turned to see me, I hadn’t given him words to speak yet.

“L-laTrease, it is nice to see you”. I had almost written a frown on my face, Mason was fighting this, he is supposed to be fluid and graceful. I smiled and stood directly in front of him.

“Welcome to my world, Mason. Obviously you are confused, I’ll explain, but first,” Suddenly Mason and LaTrease were sitting across from each other at a coffee table, two cups of hot tea already poured between them. “This should be more comfortable.”

His mind was in the most italicized font one could imagine; I can write my own story but I can’t write a mind. I wish there was a way to calm the alarms ringing in his head, I can read it too.

“I have a special ability, if it hasn’t been made obvious already. I can read anything, for the most part. People are the easiest to properly understand since I am one, animals come next.” I picked up the cup of tea before me and blew on it four times to cool it down.

I had sacrificed many hours of my sanity each day to write this script so that everything would follow through as it should. I couldn’t tell reality from fantasy for days, even now it may take several minutes on the park swing to gather myself when this is done. I am, after all, rewriting my own story from memory.

I made Mason relax his body into the black love seat on his side of the table.

“I thought you would be someone I could finally show this to, it’s hard coming to terms with what i have. I also learned that it is easier to start a story while someone is reading, their mind is already there.” His brain processed my words and a flurry of thoughts flew through his head in panic.

“I understand that it is strange not truly having control of yourself here, I give you the freedom of your thoughts since I cannot and do not want to control them anyway.” He sat upright only to take a sip of his tea, set it down, and relax again. “Since I am writing everything that happens here I can not give you free will, hopefully I may figure that out in the future.”

We sat in a chilling silence to allow him to reminisce over what I have said. I can see why he’d want to believe this is an acid trip, but his mind kept running back to it. Time froze as I honed in on reading his thoughts between the lines of my story.

“What in god’s name is happening? Is my medication laced? It can’t be! The container was properly sealed. Could there have been something in my food? No, I didn’t taste anything. Maybe it was a new drug. Why can’t I move, ugh. What is with this psycho, whatever it is she isn’t safe, geez!” His mind rambled on about similar things.

“I can end the story here” I said interrupting his train of thought, the thought that he might die was the caboose. “No, that does not mean I will kill you. It means you will be back on the park bench reading that book of short stories I had suggested.”

We closed our eyes and opened them to find ourselves back at the park. Standing beside the walkway.

“I recommend you sit for a while and reorient yourself, remind yourself of the reality around you before you move around.” His mind grew slightly calm after my words, but one thought screamed loud and clear.

“I need to tell Melissa”

I can’t have him running around making this difficult.

I let out a chuckle, “Oh dear, I may have given you the freedom of your mind, but this freedom does not come with privacy. I’m shocked you haven’t realized.”

Every blade of grass in sight dried and browned. The tree immediately became engulfed in flames, the fire running out of fuel seconds after to expose charred wood surrounding us. Chains shot from the ground and bound Mason’s wrists, once fastened they pulled him to the ground. My will made him look up to me.

“I should have known this would never be like the fairy tales, it’s hard to understand that when I literally live them when you read them.” I allowed the panic in his head to show through his eyes, they seemed as if they were ready to burst.

Time froze once again as I took the time to think, not so much about what I was doing but more so about whether I really should do this. I had prepared myself for every outcome, I knew that I could take control of the situation in a second. If I finished this, there would be no one to believe Mason, just as I had endured. I can’t have anyone believing him, he’d only make it harder for me.

“Turn me into the authorities, I dare you.” I had unfroze time with these words and allowed clowns of all sizes to come from behind the trees and plant kisses on his face. Diamonds pushed out of the pores of his skin, one at a time. I allowed Mason to scream all he wanted, the real world would not hear him.

“I spent all my years of reading trying to show someone what was really happening.” I mumbled more so to myself than to the shrieking Mason on the ground. “It’s amounted to almost nothing now.”

The story finished there, on a cliff hanger.

I open my eyes just in time to see Mason shaking as he drops his book on the ground. He turns his head in the direction I had come from in the story, he then stands and walks in the direction.

Mason did not need to go far to finally see me. He did not have to think twice before he breaks out in a sprint, startling the mother nearby with her son. He dove at me on the swing, knocking me off onto the wood chips beneath us.

“What did you just do!” He screams, his hands going for my throat. “Let me go! Let me go!” He lifts my head and slams me against the wood chips over and over. I feel blood drip from the back of my head due to the splinters.

It took only a few seconds for a park ranger to rip him off of me. A young boy around age 9 helps me sit up and calls his mother to him

“My mom is a doctor, she can help you. She even carries a small first aid kit in her purse.” His mother came rushing towards us putting on latex gloves immediately. She began picking splinters out of my head while I watched the ranger cuff Mason.

Another police vehicle arrived to finish taking him away, an ambulance arrived right after for me. The boy and his mother helped me into the back of the ambulance.

On the ride to the hospital I spoke with the 9 year old whose name turned out to be Linus, he told me a lot about his mother, Maria, who was still treating the back of my head.

“I hope he isn’t bothering you too much darling,” Maria said behind me, “He loves to talk about books.”

“No it’s fine.” I wanted to laugh, she doesn’t even know. “He’s got quite the imagination.”

Linus frowned at me and opened his mouth in protest.

The story began at the top of a grassy hill in the middle of nowhere.

“I already know Linus, I believe you.” I winked at him.

Linus looked around him in awe, his eyes shined bright as he read the scene before him.

“I can read it all!” he exclaimed clapping his hands then turning to me. “Are you writing this?” I only nodded and prepared to end the story.

“Don’t try telling Maria, she won’t believe you.” Linus rolled his eyes at my words, he already knew that. “One day you will write like this.”

He grinned ear to ear as the world dissolved back into the ambulance as it pulled up to the hospital.

~~~

I received a letter a week before the battery case with Mason, two letters actually. The first one dating three days ago, stating that Mason’s mental state was not healthy enough to be put in a case, that he would be sent to an asylum instead. The second letter also dating three days ago stating that Mason had clawed at his throat until he ripped it open and died. The time given for the time of death was minutes before he was said to be picked up to be transferred to the asylum in the first letter.

Poor Mason, he wouldn’t even have a chance to tell the people crazy enough to believe him.

#short story #story #reading #latrease #mason #maria #linus #park #dream #hypnagogic #Geneticscramble #asylum #death

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daughterofdescartes · 4 years ago

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My thoughts on beauty

I have been wanting to write about how my thoughts around beauty have changed a lot this year, but never got around to writing any of my thoughts down. I have realized my thoughts have changed quite radically, but have forgotten what caused these changes. I guess my brain just started realizing things lol.

Some background information: I am a Belgian-born Chinese woman. Growing up I was a chubby kid, a chubby teen, chubby adolescent. It was only this year when I successfully lost around 6 kilos. My insecurities around my outer appearance are abundant. The main things that bother me about my appearance are my protruding ears, nose, body fat and asymmetrical smile. Some could assess that I may have (had) body dysmorphia because I massively exaggerate and focus on my flaws, but don’t we all? I don’t think I am seeing anything that isn’t actually there. I just believe to have a realistic view of who I am on the outside.

To be realistic, I am not the best looking girl. At best below-average to average. I only look good when I can angle myself in front of the mirror. It almost feels nightmareish sometimes when I realize people can look at me from every single angle and I will never know what they are seeing. I already know I am not what people call “conventionally attractive”. If I was, I would’ve known already by the way I am treated by others. I do not receive special treatment for my looks, at least not any positive treatment. I’m not super unattractive, but not super attractive either and I that is OK. I have come to accept that right now, at this moment, I do not have the budget to alter my appearance, except for my weight. As a woman it was hard to accept the fact that I did not win the genetic lottery. I wanted to be pretty no matter what.

My whole life I have had an obsession with beauty. When I was little I wanted to win the Miss World pageant? LOL but God had other plans for me... u_u

I loved watching already attractive women doll themselves up with makeup, take care of themselves with extravagant, expensive skincare routines. I idolized these attractive women so much. I envied their routine. I hoped that maybe if I bought their products, I could become like them. Thank god I didn’t have enough money to cave in to these wishes, because I would be pretty disappointed. If I would live my life like these women to the T, I would still not look like them, because I’m not them. The realization that you are you, and forever stuck in your own body is daunting, but also freeing. If you realize that you are unable to change the fact that you are yourself, then why even try to be anything else?

It’s just sad how girls are made to believe that we are only valued when we are beautiful. Men don’t have that worry. Men could be ugly and still be appreciated for their work and efforts. For a woman it is much harder for her achievements to receive praise if she does not pass a certain beauty standard. Girls are ultimately brainwashed to the point that their appearance comes before their interests & hobbies. This is what happened to me anyway. It took me almost 22 years to realize that my worth is not rooted in my appearance. How sad is that? How did it take this long for me to realize that? Why was I so obsessed?

Women can gain power through beauty, but even then they get objectified and sexualized to no end. When women in power do not pass the beauty norms, they get ridiculed. Women really can’t win. No matter what, their achievements still get ignored and pushed aside, because all people want to do is focus on their looks. It’s disgusting.

For some reason I really was convinced that I could only be loved or appreciated if I looked attractive. I no longer want to abide by that thought process. It’s completely and utterly wrong. Yes, it’s true that people judge based on appearance, but even if I am kind of ugly and not the prettiest of the prettiest, that shouldn’t get in the way of me living my life to the fullest.

Girls should be allowed to pursue their dreams, without having to think about their looks along the way. Is that too much to ask for? Because I’ve been troubled with my appearance for most of my life, I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. What my desires were, because all I wanted was to be pretty. Isn’t that insane?

Realizing that as a woman, it doesn’t even matter at this point what I look like anymore, because I will still get disrespected and scrutinized no matter what. As a woman of color everything I do will get a lot less recognition and be put in doubt compared to whatever a straight cis white male can do.

If I already know that the odds will always be stacked against me, why not just say “fuck it” and do whatever I want? Because that’s what I have decided to do. I want to live life on my own terms.

I realized feeling beautiful really is about feeling good about yourself. Intrinsically, there is no certain “look” attached to that. That’s all beauty should be! I don’t want others to decide for me what I should look like. I want to be in charge of my own body, my own appearance. Because I get to decide what I look like, I am beautiful on my own terms. Heck, at this point beauty doesn’t even mean shit to me anymore. Okay, I’m just kidding as a woman I am forever stuck in a vicious cycle of wanting to not care but actually caring so much about my appearance because I am forever brainwashed to attach my worth to my looks.

Maybe we can start by not focusing so much on the word beauty, because it has connotations to outer appearance. I want to simply re-define feeling beautiful as feeling “good” or even “great”. The goal of beauty shouldn’t be about being aesthetically pleasing to anyone’s eye. It would be detrimental, because you cannot please everyone, not even yourself at times.

Here are some pointers on how to feel GREAT about yourself

1. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

Like I said, you will never be anyone else but yourself. Why would you do this. Especially when it comes to looks.

2. DON’T FORGET. YOU ARE YOU FOREVER

Forever? Yes. Forever.

3. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

The things you already like about yourself are great already and you should play these factors up and cultivate on that.

4. DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE

That nose job that costs 3000 dollars? Sure, you can save up for it one day. But don’t obsess over it. It’s cool. You might want to change certain things about yourself in the long-term, but just think of it as exactly that. A long-term change. It isn’t something you should be focusing on now if you cannot immediately change it.

Maybe this is only a guide for ugly duckling girls to not kill themselves over being ugly, but hey, we need to find a way to stick around too in this cruel life. Life is cruel and everybody gets dealt a different hand. You just need to know how to strategically play the game.

Also mental/physical health >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> beauty

But also health = beauty

God I’m too tired I can’t write anymore and this essay probably doesn’t look like much...

Like it always bothers me when girls compliment each other ONLY about their looks. “My FAVORITE HOTTIE!!!” Like what kind of message are you trying to send to your friend? That they’re hot yes. But do you only value them as a friend because they’re hot? Of course not. Of course it is cool to let your friend know that you think they’re hot and make them feel good about themselves, but still. You should show the world why you like your friend so much. Come on, we all know you don’t like your friend because she’s hot, unless you’re gay, that’s another discussion. We should normalize praising women more for what they can DO and not for what they look like. The focus shouldn’t be so one-sided. Obsessing over beauty greatly hinders women from unlocking their true potential.

#thoughts

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psychotherapyconsultants · 6 years ago

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5 Psychological Tips to Calm the Stress of Perfectionism

“Striving for excellence motivates you, striving for perfection is demoralizing.” – Harriet Braiker

The last three months I’ve been trying an experiment. It’s something that I’ve never done before, and in a certain way, it’s been a huge challenge. However, in other ways, it’s been an enormous stress relief, and I would say a largely successful effort.

What I’ve done seems to go against conventional wisdom, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a wise choice.

So what exactly is this challenge? Well, I have actively gone out of my way to be average.

Yep, sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? But hear me out.

Over the past year, I’ve become more aware than ever of how much unconscious stress I put on myself to be above average. I’ve always known I have a type-A personality, but I didn’t know to what extent this was doing me harm. A large part of this realization came from journaling my dreams and discussing them with a psychotherapist, and another part came about through a mindfulness practice.

So for six months, whenever I felt like relaxing, and the little voice in my head would pop up and tell me I could be doing more in this moment, I would ignore it. I would decide to watch that extra episode on Netflix. I would choose to sleep in the extra fifteen minutes. I would leave the little bit of extra work until tomorrow.

What came out of this was unexpected. The more I ignored the voice, the more loud and aggressive it became.

Coming into contact with this part of myself ultimately did three things.

Firstly, it showed me that I had an issue with perfectionism that I wasn’t entirely aware of. Secondly, it showed me just how tricky and persuasive the little voice of perfectionism could be. And finally, and most importantly, it taught me how overcoming that perfectionist tendency could lead to less stress, more productivity, and greater well-being.

So, the moment of truth. How do you know you’re a perfectionist?

You often feel weighed down by fear of your goals not succeeding.

You’re constantly looking for the ‘right’ moment to do something.

You have a persistent sense of dissatisfaction with what you’ve achieved.

You obsess over small mistakes that have little impact on the big picture.

You neglect self-care in favor of achievements.

I came up with five psychological strategies to overcome this perfectionism. This has allowed me to take steps toward accepting the average parts of myself, and it’s helped me let go of a shocking amount of hidden stress.

I’ve decided to share these steps with you here so you can begin to accept who and where you are, and enjoy the journey a little more.

1. Rethink What It Means to Be Average.

In our society, we often consider anything less than greatness to be failure. That’s not an exaggeration; it’s just the reality of our skewed notions of achievement that have failed to account for larger and more interconnected societies in which it’s increasingly difficult to stand out.

When we hear the terms “average” or “mediocre” we consider them dirty words, although they’re supposed to denote the middle of the pack. If you are average at something, that shouldn’t have any correlation whatsoever to your self-worth. Most people are average at most things for most of their lives. Does that mean that most people should feel bad about themselves?

Accepting the ways in which you are average doesn’t mean you can’t strive to achieve greatness in some areas of your life. All it means is that the desire to excel doesn’t need to be driven by the feeling that you are incomplete. It can be out of the love of competing with your past self, the need to serve your community, or even just the enjoyment of a challenge in the present moment.

2. Challenge the All-or-Nothing Fallacy.

Perfectionism is a direct result of the all-or-nothing fallacy, also known as black-and-white thinking. When we believe that our value is completely tied to our achievements, for example, we cannot help but obsessively strive to do everything the right way, because any mistake would undermine our entire self-worth.

We can also see this when we look for the one perfect moment to get started on something, when we put all our efforts into one project and neglect our health, and most toxically, when we try to evaluate our life against the over-generalized boxes of success or failure.

When you see this type of thinking emerge in your psyche, challenge it, and replace it with more nuanced explanations.

For example, I used to believe that I was either being productive or lazy. When I was being productive I wasn’t being lazy, and when I wasn’t being productive I was being lazy. I’ve started to challenge that idea with the more nuanced explanation that breaks are sometimes lazy and sometimes productive; they serve many purposes. They can be reinvigorating, rewarding, and sometimes need no justification.

3. Become Friends With What You Don’t Know.

Another key trait of perfectionism that I saw in myself is a strong desire to control outcomes. We have this tendency partly because we have a heightened fear of things not going the way we want or expect.

In part, this is because perfectionism creates stress, and when we are stressed we start to become more susceptible to cognitive biases. For example, we may believe that if things don’t go the way we anticipate, everything will fall apart, we will lose out on opportunities, or we will be criticized by others.

One way we can counteract this attitude is by becoming more comfortable with the unknown. You can only ever influence a certain amount of any situation you’re in, whether that’s work, money, or relationships.

I have become more comfortable with the unknown by journaling about my fears over time. By seeking out counterexamples of when your fears haven’t been true (and they often aren’t), you can see how worries about the future are exaggerated by the brain, and you can start to gain more control over your emotions.

It may also help to practice setting a wide range of goals, with varied levels of difficulty. Meeting the easier goals should fulfill your need to be in control and achieve, and working toward the more difficult goals will simply be a challenge to be creative, go above and beyond, and enjoy the uncertainty of things that are out of your control.

4. Become Friends With What You Don’t Love.

Likewise, perfectionism is largely tied to the relationship you have with what you don’t accept about yourself.

You probably know that acceptance is at the root of love. It’s therefore not surprising that people often advise you to love yourself when you’re dealing with internal conflict. Well, it sounds simple, but it’s never that easy, unfortunately. So I’m going to propose something more manageable: become friends with what you don’t love.

If there are parts of yourself or your experience that you can’t accept or bring yourself to love, just befriend them. Ask what purpose the things you don’t like serve; become familiar with them the way you would a friend.

Ease into the changing relationship you have with these harder-to-accept parts of yourself, and over time you’ll see a shift in your perspective that calms your anxiety around them.

For example, I used to have an antagonistic relationship with my anxiety. The fact that I wasn’t always cool, calm, and collected, was something I found hard to accept, and it created internal conflict and (obviously) more anxiety. When I was able to see that anxiety was just a part of my brain was trying to help me, I was able to accept it. And over time I even started to appreciate this quirky part of myself.

5. Reassess How You Measure Your Success.

If your perfectionism is driven by the belief that you’re not successful enough, then it’s not necessarily you that needs to change. It could be that the way you’re measuring success needs to be reassessed.

For example, it’s common that we compare ourselves to others, and while we’re often told to focus on ourselves, making social comparisons in specific situations—such as workplace evaluations or in competitive sports—does have some (albeit limited) utility. If we didn’t make these comparisons, it would be difficult to see how we were improving and in what roles we could most help the group.

When you start to generalize this idea to the rest of your life, however, that’s when it becomes a problem. If you start to tell yourself that so-and-so’s life is better than yours or that he or she is more successful than you, that’s almost always a generalization. What makes a life better? What does success mean? Are we talking about financial achievements? Free time? Deep relationships? Take a closer look at how success could be more effectively defined in your life.

My own definition of success used to be based on how well I compared to people in my life in standardized measures (money, relationships, novel experiences etc.) Now I see success as how well I’m able to find meaning in the present moment, stay motivated for the future, and spend my time working on something that helps me, the people I love, and the rest of the world.

All of the elements of my definition may not be relevant to anyone else, but because they are more fluid and flexible, and can grow with my personality, they prevent me from falling into the habit of perfectionism.

To bring this all full circle, consider this: You can be average in one area and successful in another. This doesn’t mean you don’t have value, are not worthy or love or respect, and don’t deserve some down time every once in a while.

Being average is normal, and it’s not an indicator of worth. You have inherent value just as you are. And if you should want to obsess about a project or be a little bit of a perfectionist every now and then, that’s fine. But be driven by the love of the creative process itself, not the anxiety that you can never do enough.

What experience have you had with perfectionism? Have you used any of these strategies to find more peace of mind? Let us know in the comments—we’d love to hear from you!

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-psychological-tips-to-calm-the-stress-of-perfectionism/

#World of Psychology

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sarahburness · 6 years ago

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5 Psychological Strategies to Ease the Stress of Perfectionism

“Striving for excellence motivates you, striving for perfection is demoralizing.” ~Harriet Braiker

What I’ve done seems to go against conventional wisdom, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a wise choice.

So what exactly is this challenge? Well, I have actively gone out of my way to be average.

Yep, sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? But hear me out.

What came out of this was unexpected. The more I ignored the voice, the more loud and aggressive it became.

Coming into contact with this part of myself ultimately did three things.

So, the moment of truth. How do you know you’re a perfectionist?

You often feel weighed down by fear of your goals not succeeding

You’re constantly looking for the “right” moment to do something

You have a persistent sense of dissatisfaction with what you’ve achieved

You obsess over small mistakes that have little impact on the big picture

You neglect self-care in favor of achievements

I’ve decided to share these steps with you here so you can begin to accept who and where you are, and enjoy the journey a little more.

1. Rethink what it means to be average.

2. Challenge the all-or-nothing fallacy.

When you see this type of thinking emerge in your psyche, challenge it, and replace it with more nuanced explanations.

3. Become friends with what you don’t know.

4. Become friends with what you don’t love.

Likewise, perfectionism is largely tied to the relationship you have with what you don’t accept about yourself.

Ease into the changing relationship you have with these harder-to-accept parts of yourself, and over time you’ll see a shift in your perspective that calms your anxiety around them.

5. Reassess how you measure your success.

What experience have you had with perfectionism? Have you used any of these strategies to find more peace of mind? Let us know in the comments—we’d love to hear from you!

About Benjamin Fishel

Benjamin Fishel is a freelance writer, meditation practitioner, and the creator of the popular blog Project Monkey Mind. He's also currently studying his Masters in Applied Neuroscience. If you'd like to know how you can calm your mind using Modern Psychology and Eastern Spirituality, get his free cheatsheet 7 Psychological Hacks for Depression & Anxiety (in 5 minutes or less).

Web | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post 5 Psychological Strategies to Ease the Stress of Perfectionism appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-psychological-strategies-ease-stress-perfectionism/

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huntedhunter · 6 years ago

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mary prays the rosary for my broken mind / self para

‘‘And, God, please help Hunter find his way,’‘ his mother whispers, knelt before a small religious icon. She doesn’t have any rosaries, but improvised beads are tangled between her fingers symbolically. Hunter almost doesn’t hear her. He doesn’t care. It feels cool to be hopeless. He has just decided not to return to school and his father will take him to the factory with him on Monday again. He’s excited. Everything happens in fast forward, and his brain almost cannot take it. ‘‘Stop. Stop. Go easier on me,’‘ he shouts at the sky, raising his palms to face it, as if scolding the Gamemakers. Yet, they weren’t controlling the course of memories. The serum in the chip was releasing them, as if uncovering newer tragedies every moment.

Hunter sees something glow in the dark and sprints towards it confidently. It doesn’t matter what it is - he wants it. People are fighting to his left and to his right, but he doesn’t care to watch it, as if nothing can escalate and touch him. He passes by the crowd, but trips, almost hitting his head against the stone that held the Cornucopia items. They’re on a budget this year.

He looks back at what made him trip, but there is nothing. A swear word escapes his mouth like drawn by magnets and he stands up to walk again. He can’t take another step. As if the darkness takes shape, he trips over it. ‘’Motherfucking fucking bullshit,’’ he exaggerates with language, the way he would back where his memories are. He hears gasps and ‘’Hunter, language, please!’’ over and over again. Back then, he wasn’t really the conversationalist and the witty talker.

A seventeen year old takes his rosaries as Hunter fails to get to them in time. His knees are bruised and bleeding and he can’t close his jaw properly, but, more than ever, he’s ready and even eager to jump into a fight. For nothing at all. He corrects himself. It’s not nothing. Mom would kill for these. Maybe I’ll bring them to her.

‘‘Hey, rodent,’‘ he whistles nonchalantly and stands up as the boy stops. He makes a grimace. Hunter then realizes that everybody is experiencing those damn headaches. He doesn’t find the strength in him to care and empathize even one bit. He whistles again, like he does in all the memories to his brother before he teases him the way boys do.

The boy from District Three is taller than Hunter is, but that hasn’t stopped him before. He is taller than everybody, in his mind. The boy tries to dodge, but Hunter is running towards him to tackle him. He puts him down almost instantly, but the rosaries fall next to him. Hunter doesn’t see them anymore, instead focused on him. Standing on top of him and holding his arms down, what he does first, almost instinctively, is stick his tongue out childishly. ‘‘What are we doing now?’‘ he clicked his tongue, almost enjoying being the superior one in the situation. Little did he care that they were on the verge of murder. Blood seems so exciting before you see it wash over your own kind. Hunter is enjoying the Hunger Games and what they represent, once again, and it’s almost refreshing. The kind of show they are expecting from him, and he doesn’t even know it.

Then, he grabs his jaw and pushes hard, hitting him against the rock where the rosaries, bible and cross were just moments ago. Again, and again, and again. The boy screams, Hunter shakes his head and murmurs a soothing, mocking ‘shhh’, but he doesn’t stop. Once, twice, thrice, and it’s almost enough. ‘’You don’t understand,’’ he starts explaining, but the boy is long gone, though not dead. His skull, damaged beyond repair probably, is glued with blood against the stone. ‘’You really don’t understand. This isn’t me. This isn’t really me. But I’m made to win this and I will. It’s just how things are. I know it sucks.’’ He rolls his eyes, looking up where he hopes a drone is waiting to catch his expression. ‘’Sorry, mom. God help Hunter find his way, I guess.’’

With that, he takes the District Three boy by his jaw again and hits him against the stone, this time fatally. The cannon marks it. Hunter sighs it out of relief. The next thing he knows and sees is how Lila, a girl he had a crush on, but not somebody extremely important in his life even then, dies in the Hunger Games. Everything else happens faster than Hunter can process it, and the factory he is working in is on fire by his hand. He watches the flames and stands up from beside Tran from District Three. His blue eyes almost melt to brown as he keeps watching, fire that’s nowhere playing in his orbits. ‘’Are you fucking seeing this too?’’ he mutters, almost breathless, talking to the audience. He is impressed, proud, careless still, and nothing seems wrong yet.

But the story wasn’t even at the beginning. As he steps back, Tran gets sucked into the ground alongside the rosaries. Damn, I really wanted a cool necklace, is the only thought passing through his mind, instead of a little bit of remorse and compassion. Looking around at the poorly lighted arena, he thinks of what to do next. Darkness still surrounds everything, but he emerges into it without problems. There’s nothing left for him there, he guesses, bored of the bloodbath.

#self para #Mary prays the rosary for my broken mind #location: earth i #day: i #arena action: iv #120 #death tw

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lotsofdogs · 7 years ago

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Super Guide to Super Foods for Better Health

What are Super Foods?

Many scientists, dieticians and nutritionists agree – there are certain foods that are so chock full of vitamins, minerals, and other health components that they simply must be included in your diet as often as possible.

Lowering disease risk, boosting your immunity and helping you lose weight are among the reasons why certain foods should make appearances in your diet regularly. To have a balanced diet, you must include items from every food group from grains to meat and fish to vegetables and fruit.

The Super Foods

The Apple

What is the deal with our fascination with apples? We have sayings in the US like “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” “She’s the apple of my eye,” and “As American as baseball and apple pie.”

Then of course, there’s Adam and Eve.

Have you ever seen an image portrayal of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden that didn’t use an apple as the fruit? I’m sure there are some, but they are the minority. And, lest we forget, there’s the BIG Apple of New York City.

So, since so many are apparently fascinated with apples, and personally I’m pretty fascinated with good nutrition and natural health, I thought we could take a good look at the good ol’ apple.

Medicinal and Health Benefits of Apples:

The chief dietetic value of apples lies in the malic and tartaric acids. These acids are of signal benefit to persons of sedentary habits, who are liable to liver derangements, and they neutralize the acid products of gout and indigestion. ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’ is a respectable old rhyme that has some reason in it.

The acids of the Apple not only make the fruit itself digestible, but even make it helpful in digesting other foods. Popular instinct long ago led to the association of apple sauce with such rich foods as pork and goose, and the old English fancy for eating apple pie with cheese, an obsolete taste, nowadays, is another example of instinctive inclination, which science has approved.

The sugar of a sweet apple, like most fruit sugars, is practically a predigested food, and is soon ready to pass into the blood to provide energy and warmth for the body.

A ripe raw apple is one of the easiest substances for the stomach to deal with, the whole process of its digestion being completed in eighty-five minutes.

The juice of apples, without sugar, will often reduce acidity of the stomach; it becomes changed into alkaline carbonates, and thus corrects sour fermentation.

It is stated on medical authority that in countries where unsweetened cider is used as a common beverage, stone or calculus is unknown, and a series of inquiries made of doctors in Normandy, where cider is the principal drink, brought to light the fact that not a single case of stone had been met with during forty years.

Ripe, juicy apples eaten at bedtime every night will cure some of the worst forms of constipation. Sour apples are the best for this purpose. Some cases of sleeplessness have been cured in this manner. People much inclined to biliousness will find this practice very valuable. In some cases stewed apples will agree perfectly well, while raw ones prove disagreeable. There is a very old saying: ‘To eat an apple going to be, Will make the doctor beg his bread.’

The Apple will also act as an excellent dentifrice, being a food that is not only cleansing to the teeth on account of its juices, but just hard enough to mechanically push back the gums so that the borders are cleared of deposits.

Rotten apples used as a poultice is an old Lincolnshire remedy for sore eyes, that is still in use in some villages.

It is no exaggeration to say that the habitual use of apples will do much to prolong life and to ameliorate its conditions. In the Edda, the old Scandinavian saga, Iduna kept in a box, apples that she gave to the gods to eat, thereby to renew their youth.

A French physician has found that the bacillus of typhoid fever cannot live long in apple juice, and therefore recommends doubtful drinking water to be mixed with cider.

A glucoside in small crystals is obtainable from the bark and root of the apple, peach and plum, which is said to induce artificial diabetes in animals, and thus can be used in curing it in human beings.

The original pomatum seems to date from Gerard’s days, when an ointment for roughness of the skin was made from apple pulp, swine’s grease, and rosewater.

The astringent verjuice, rich in tannin, of the Crab apple, is helpful in chronic diarrhoea.

The bark may be used in decoction for intermittent and bilious fevers.

Cider in which horse-radish has been steeped has been found helpful in dropsy.

Cooked apples make a good local application for sore throat in fevers, inflammation of the eyes, erysipelas, etc.

Stewed apples are laxative; raw ones not invariably so

Apples contain flavonoids, antioxidants that improve immune function and prevent heart disease and some cancers.

Green apples act as a liver and gall bladder cleanser and may aid in softening gallstones.

Because of their high water content, apples are cooling and moistening and aid in reducing fever. Simply grate them and serve them to feverish patients. Steamed apples sweetened with honey are beneficial for a dry cough and may help to remove mucous from the lungs.

Hippocrates (circa 400 BCE), the Greek physician considered the father of medicine, was a proponent of nutritional healing. His favorite remedies were apples, dates, and barley mush.

Modern medical practitioners are beginning to recognize that the apple’s abundant quantity of pectin is an aid in reducing high cholesterol as well as blood sugar, a wonder food for people with coronary artery disease and diabetes.

Apple Nutrition Facts

(*One medium 2-1/2 inch apple, fresh, raw, with skin)

Calories 81 Carbohydrate 21 grams Dietary Fiber 4 grams Soluble Fiber Insoluble fiber Calcium 10 mg Phosphorus 10 mg Iron .25 mg Sodium 0.00 mg Potassium 159 mg Vitamin C 8 mg Vitamin A 73 IU Folate 4 mcg

*The nutritional value of apples will vary slightly depending on the variety and size.

The Tomato

You say tomato, I say tomahto – but however you say it, what is rarely recognized is how effective a natural medicine the gold old tomato is.

Free Radicals be Gone!

One of the best-known health benefits of eating tomatoes is their high Lycopene content. Lycopene is a vital antioxidant that helps in the fight against cancerous cell formation as well as other kinds of health complications and diseases.

Free radicals in the body can be flushed out with high levels of Lycopene, and the tomato is so loaded with this vital antioxidant that it actually derives its rich redness from the nutrient.

Lycopene is not a naturally produced element within the body and the human body requires sources of Lycopene in order to make use of this high-powered antioxidant. While other fruits and vegetables do contain this vital health ingredient, no other fruit or vegetable has the high concentration of Lycopene that the tomato has.

Cancers such as prostate cancer, cervical cancer, colon cancer, rectal cancer, and cancers of the stomach, mouth, pharynx, and esophagus have all been proven to be staved off by high levels of Lycopene.

Researchers introduced Lycopene into pre-existing cancer cell cultures and the Lycopene prevented the continued growth of these cultures. This is pretty powerful evidence that the health benefits of eating a tomato are really quite phenomenal.

It takes as little as 540 milliliters of liquid tomato product to get the full benefits of Lycopene. This means that a daily glass of tomato juice has the potential to help keep a person healthy for life.

Tomatoes as an answer to prevent lung cancer?

New research is beginning to indicate that tomatoes may be used to help prevent lung cancer. Two powerful compounds found in tomatoes-coumaric acid and chlorogenic acid-are thought to block the effects of nitrosamines.

These are compounds that not only are formed naturally in the body, but also are the strongest carcinogens in tobacco smoke. By blocking the effects of these nitrosamines, the chances of lung cancer are reduced significantly.

Put Your Brain on Steroids, er, I Mean Tomatoes

The tomato has one of the highest glutamic acid content of any vegetable. The quantity of glutamic acid is about 86 – 140 mg per 100 g of tomato. For that reason, tomato is probably considered the most widely used vegetable in cooking.

Glutamic acid (glutamate) is an amino acid used by the body to build proteins. Glutamate is the most common excitatory (stimulating) neurotransmitter in the central nervous system.

Glutamic Acid is important in the metabolism of sugars and fats, and aids in the transportation of potassium into the spinal fluid and across blood-brain barrier. Although it does not pass the blood-brain barrier as readily as glutamine does, it is found at high levels in the blood and may infiltrate the brain in small amounts. The brain can use glutamic acid as fuel. It can attach itself to nitrogen atoms in the process of forming glutamine, and this action also detoxifies the body of ammonia. This action is the only way in which the brain can be detoxified from ammonia.

Glutamic acid may help to correct personality disorders and is useful in treating childhood behavioral disorders. It is used in the treatment of epilepsy, mental retardation, muscular dystrophy, ulcers, and hypoglycemic coma, a complication of insulin treatment for diabetes. It is a component of folate (folic acid), a B vitamin that helps the body break down amino acids.

The fluid produced by the prostate gland also contains amounts of glutamic acid, and may play a role in the normal function of the prostate. Because one of its salts is monosodium glutamate (MSG), glutamic acid should be avoided by anyone who is allergic to MSG.

All meats, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy products, as well as kombu are also excellent sources of glutamic acid. Some protein-rich plant foods also serve as sources. Ninety-five percent of the dietary glutamate is metabolized by intestinal cells in a first pass.

Additional Nutritional & Health Benefits of the Tomato

Other nutritional and health benefits of the tomato include its action as a natural antiseptic to prevent infection, and it’s ability to help indigestion, diarrhea, improve liver function, reduce bile attacks and heart disease.

Nicotine acid in tomatoes can also help lower cholesterol and can help impotency and increase the number of sperm and improve sperm motility.

Tomatoes also contain large amounts of Vitamin C, providing 40 percent of the daily value (DV). They also contain 15 percent DV of Vitamin A, 8 percent DV of potassium, and 7 percent of the recommended dietary allowance (RDA) of iron for women and 10 percent RDA for men.

But wait, Dee – Don’t you know that tomatoes cause inflammation and aggravate conditions such as arthritis?

One word. HOGWASH! Ok, so I better back that up, eh? Let’s see what Dr. Andrew Weil has to say. You know who he is, right? Dr. Weil is arguably the leading medical expert (and trail-blazing pioneer) on integrative medicine.

Here is what Dr. Weil has to say about tomatoes causing inflammation: “No, but unfortunately a persistent myth holds that tomatoes cause arthritis. This myth also implicates other nightshade (potato family) vegetables including potatoes, peppers and eggplants. Supposedly, by reducing consumption of these vegetables, arthritis patients can ease their pain.”

He goes on to say, “If you’re interested in making dietary changes that reduce inflammation, and that might help alleviate the pain associated with osteoarthritis, I recommend including foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids such as salmon or another source of omega-3 fatty acids such as walnuts or freshly ground flaxseed. The spices ginger and turmeric have also been shown to reduce inflammation, and they are best taken as standardized extracts.” You can read his entire article on this here: Toxic Tomatoes?

Alright, I’ll agree that it’s ‘Dr. Tomato’ – But why haven’t I heard of this before?

Why was the tomato not included in Traditional Chinese Medicine? During the ancient time, people thought that tomato was poisonous, especially its bright red pulp.

Today, the tomato is often included in our snacks, meals, drinks and salads. However, many home cooks choose to buy canned tomato sauce, tomato ketchup, tomato paste, tomato juice, etc. for convenience. They don’t realize two things. One, that if a fresh tomato is cooked properly, it can be the main seasoning for a dish. And, two, fresh tomatoes will always have higher levels of beneficial nutrients for your health.

Pumpkin, Pumpkin Seeds

Think of the word pumpkin and images of jack-o-lanterns or whipped cream-covered Thanksgiving pies will probably pop into your mind. Pumpkin is traditionally considered a holiday food and is a staple in our kitchen pantries and freezers during that festive time of the year.

However, did you know that pumpkin is now heralded as one of the ‘Super Foods?’

According to Dr. Steven Pratt, author of SuperFoods Rx: Fourteen Foods That Will Change Your Life, ‘Well, pumpkin is one of the most nutritionally valuable foods known to man. Moreover, it’s inexpensive, available year round in canned form, incredibly easy to incorporate into recipes, high in fiber, low in calories, and packs an abundance of disease fighting nutrients.’

What exactly makes pumpkin so super? The powerful antioxidants known as carotenoids give this food its super status. Carotenoids have the ability to ward off the risk of various types of cancer and heart disease, along with, cataracts and macular degeneration.

The Health Benefits of Pumpkins and Pumpkin Seeds

Because pumpkin is high in fiber, it can aid in weight loss efforts (1).

Pumpkin seeds, which are naturally rich in certain plant-based chemicals called phytosterols, have been shown in studies to reduce LDL or “bad” cholesterol. (1)

Pumpkins contain the antioxidant beta-carotene, which may play a role in cancer prevention, according to the National Cancer Institute.

Health magazine reported the same free-radical-neutralizing powers of the carotenoids in pumpkin that may keep cancer cells at bay can also help keep the skin wrinkle-free.

Pumpkin seeds are rich in the amino acid tryptophan which is important in production of serotonin, one of the major players when it comes to our mood, WebMD reports.

A cup of cooked pumpkin has more of the refueling nutrient potassium, with 564 milligrams. The extra potassium helps restore the body’s balance of electrolytes after a heavy workout and keeps muscles functioning at their best. (1)

At 7384 mg per 100 g, it is one of the vegetables in the Cucurbitaceae family featuring highest levels of vitamin-A, providing about 246% of RDA. Vitamin A is a powerful natural anti-oxidant and is required by the body for maintaining the integrity of skin and mucusa. It is also an essential vitamin for good visual sight. Research studies suggest that natural foods rich in vitamin A may help human body protect against lung and oral cavity cancers. (2)

Pumpkins are a solid source of Vitamin C. One cup of cooked pumpkin contains more than 11 milligrams, or nearly 20 percent of the 60 milligrams the IOM recommends women need daily. (Men should shoot for around 75 milligrams.) (1)

Pumpkin is a good source of B-complex group of vitamins like folates, niacin, vitamin B-6 (pyridoxine), thiamin and pantothenic acid.

Pumpkin seeds could be especially healthy for men. Researchers in Taiwan found pumpkin seed oil blocked unhealthy prostate growth in male rats. A quarter cup of the seeds also contains about 2.75 mg of zinc (about 17 percent of the recommended daily intake for adults), which contributes to male sexual health. When young men in a Wayne State University study restricted their dietary zinc intake, they had significantly lower levels of testosterone after 20 weeks. (3)

Pumpkin seeds are concentrated sources of protein, minerals and health-benefiting vitamins. For instance, 100 g of pumpkin seeds provide 559 calories, 30 g of protein, 110% RDA of iron, 4987 mg of niacin (31% RDA), selenium (17% of RDA), zinc (71%) etc., but no cholesterol. Further, the seeds are an excellent source of health promoting amino acid tryptophan. Tryptophan is converted to GABA in the brain. (2)

How can we add this wonder food to our diets through out the year? Take advantage of the benefits and great taste of pumpkin with the following delicious Pumpkin Recipes.

Any Day Pumpkin Pancakes

2-1/2 cups flour

1 cup of buttermilk

1 tsp. salt

2-1/4 tsp. soda

2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 cup of pumpkin

Measure flour into bowl and add dry ingredients. Stir in buttermilk and add pumpkin. Mix Well. Cook on hot griddle or skillet until golden brown.

Pumpkin Spiced Muffins

1/3 cup butter or margarine, softened

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 cup pumpkin

1/4 cup milk

2 cups flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ginger

1/4 tsp. ground cloves

1/4 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. baking soda

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a large bowl cream butter with brown sugar. Beat in eggs, then pumpkin and milk.

In a small bowl combine flour, baking powder, spices, salt and baking soda. Add to the creamed mixture. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes.

Check out our recipe for Halloween Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

The Art of Manliness has a great recipe for how to roast pumpkin seeds.

And here are a few ways to spice up your roasted pumpkin seeds.

Camu Camu

The Camu berry comes from Peru and is one of the most nutrient-dense foods on the planet. According to Mike Adams, editor at NaturalNews.com, “no other super food has a higher concentration of Vitamin C.”

In comparison to the orange, Camu berries have a concentration of 50,000ppm, or parts per million, of vitamin C which equals about 2 grams per 100 grams of fruit. The average orange, on the other hand, has anywhere from 1,000-4,000ppm. Overall, vitamin C plays a crucial role in our nervous system and overall well-being. Because our bodies don’t manufacture vitamin C naturally, we must consume it through dietary sources.

Since the Camu berry contains a rich concentration of vitamin C, it has the potential to fend off degenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s, protect the eyes against glaucoma and cataracts, enhance cognitive performance, ease arthritic inflammation, and combat depression, which, Adams notes, is “sometimes the result of malnourishment.” Anti-gingivitic, antiviral, and anti-hepatitic, the Camu berry has no side effects, and is consumed in powder form by either stirring it in water or sprinkling it into healthy smoothies.

Assam Fruit

Originating in Malaysia, this super fruit is extremely rare in supplement form. The primary species name is garcinia atroviridus, and the Southeastern name for it is Assam Gelugur. The fruit itself cannot be ingested the way we’d bite into an orange or an apple, because it is extremely sour. Instead, the extract of this fruit is used as a way to add a zing to culinary dishes, and its leaves are crushed and brewed for tea.

According to studies at the Forest Research Institute in Malaysia, Assam fruit has nourishing antioxidants, lowers blood lipid levels, and also inhibits lipogenesis, a metabolic process that turns carbohydrates into fat. In animal models, the fruit prevented the accumulation of plaque in artery walls despite high fat diets.

The Sweet Potato

Ah yes, the sweet potato. The broccoli of root vegetables, the sweet potato eludes the diets of most people because of a poor marketing campaign.

It’s terribly misunderstood, which is quite because it’s one of the healthiest tastiest foods available. Many people associate sweet potatoes with the holidays either in a candied form or whipping into oblivion with cream.

But there are far better ways to cook this tuber, and you’d do well to include it among your meal stables. I know, I know: it seems weird to treat a sweet potato with such seriousness. Much like a roast turkey, it seems unfathomable to most people that you can (and should) eat sweet potatoes nearly year-round.

Consider the facts about the Sweet Potato

Believe it or not, a sweet potato can be quite good for you whenever it isn’t being smothered in cream, marshmallows, or butter. Like with any root vegetable, the sweet potato is best when it’s been baked under high heat to soften and sweeten the insides.

A sweet potato baked in nothing else but a little olive oil will taste sweeter than you’d believe, much sweeter than any other root vegetable, and better yet it’s loaded with essential vitamins and minerals.

Not convinced? A single serving (about a cup’s worth) of baked sweet potato contains approximately the following amounts of nutritious goodness. It has more than half your day’s worth of vitamin C, a third of your daily intake of vitamin B6, and a whopping 700% of your vitamin A. A single serving also yields more than half your day’s worth of manganese, and more than a quarter of your suggested daily potassium intake. It also has over a quarter of your daily fiber and has far fewer calories than a regular potato of the russet variety. Again, this is in a single cup of baked sweet potato.

So in case I need to spell it out for you: eat more sweet potatoes! At the very least, you should try substituting them for whenever you’d normally eat an old-fashioned potato potato. And to help you ease into sweet potatoes, here’s a flavorful and healthy recipe that will win over even the staunchest doubters.

Quick recipe: Hasselback Sweet Potatoes

This recipe is adapted from a similar one on Serious Eats.

Ingredients:

5 cloves of garlic, minced

2 teaspoons chopped rosemary

Glug of olive oil

4 sweet potatoes

Salt and pepper

Start by setting your oven to 425-450 degrees. While the oven is preheating, get out two wooden spoons and your sharpest knife.

Set a wooden spoon on each side of a sweet potato lengthwise, and with your knife make perpendicular slices into the sweet potato until the blade hits the wooden spoons, leaving a little room for the slices to stick to the skin of the potato at the bottom. Repeat process for each sweet potato.

Mix the rosemary, garlic, and olive oil together in a small bowl, and spoon the mixture across each sweet potato, making sure that bits of rosemary and garlic fall into the slices.

Once the oven is preheated, place the sweet potatoes on a greased cookie sheet or baking pan for approximately 40 minutes or until crispy. Test the doneness of the sweet potato by sticking it with a toothpick or a knife. If the potato gives easily under pressure, then it’s ready. Once it’s finished, serve immediately and enjoy!

Broccoli

The Healthy Low-Down on Broccoli

Origins – Broccoli has its origins in Italy. It was used avidly in Rome and spread from here to the Near East. During the colonial era, broccoli was introduced to America.

Health Benefits – Steamed broccoli can help in cholesterol reduction due to the bile binding fiber that it contains.

Broccoli contains 3 glucosinolate phytonutrients that aid in the detoxification of the body. Broccoli helps in initiating a process that alienates toxins and removes them from the system.

Vitamin D deficiency is a common issue in many countries. Significant amounts of vitamin A and vitamin K present in broccoli help the body make the required amounts of vitamin D.

Folate is instrumental in forestalling certain neural birth defects. Obstetricians advocate increasing folate levels during pregnancy.

Broccoli holds polyphenols, a champion antioxidant substance. And, it bears more of it than most other veggies and fruits. There are only 2 in front of it. Antioxidants battle diseases such as cancer. Consuming broccoli and cauliflower (another cruciferous powerhouse) may greatly quash your risks of developing cancer in the body. If you’ve already developed tumors, this veggie can cut down their growth across time. Researchers are poring over the effects right now.

Fiber helps to lower cholesterol. It affords you that feeling of fullness therefore you consume less at a meal. Lower cholesterol entails less clogging of the arteries and the strokes and heart attacks that may result. As the bad cholesterol numbers drop, the good cholesterol numbers ascend to keep blood vessels fit and elastic.

Kaempferol, a flavonoid present in broccoli, can help us reduce the negative effects of substances we are allergic to.

Tips on buying, storing and using – When choosing broccoli flowers make sure they are compact and far apart. A uniform color indicates a better product too. Yellow florets indicate that the flowers have over matured.

Placing broccoli in a plastic bag from which air has been removed is the best way to store broccoli. It can remain in the refrigerator for about 10 days. Do not wash before storing. In fact it is also best to cut it as least as possible in order to retain maximum vitamin C in it.

You can eat the stems and leaves of the broccoli plant. They provide immense flavor to the food. Retain low cooking temperatures while cooking this healthy food.

The stems take longer to cook and so should be introduced to the dish earlier on in the cooking process.

Kale

The dark green leaves from this plant from the cabbage family offer you the highest amount of nutrition with the least amount of calories. Kale is in season between November to February but it is now available in the market through the year.

It contains sulfur phytonutrients known to be present in the Brassica group of plants. Some of the types available in the market include curly kale, dinosaur kale and ornamental kale. The curly variety is slightly pungent and it has peppery qualities too.

The ornamental one is best suited to salads since it has a milder flavor. Dinosaur kale has embossed leaves and it is slightly sweet in flavor.

Origins – The origins of kale can be traced to Asia Minor from where it was brought to Europe 600 years before Christ. It was grown extensively in ancient Rome. It was brought to the United States by English settlers in the 17th century.

Health Benefits – Kale is known to be great for those who want to lower their total cholesterol. It is also beneficial for those who have a family history of high cholesterol. These benefits manifest themselves if the kale is steamed and not sautéed or fried. The fiber binds with bile acids and forces more of these acids to be secreted. When that takes place, cholesterol levels reduce.

Kale is being scientifically tested for being effective in 5 different kinds of cancer. These are bladder cancer, breast cancer, ovary cancer, colon cancer and prostate cancer. The nutrient responsible for these anti-carcinogenic capabilities is called isothiocyanates.

Detoxification is another heath benefit associated with kale. Isothiocyanates help in changing the detoxification capabilities of the body at a very basic level.

While the jury is still out on the positive effects of kale on inflammation, the omega 3 present in the vegetable helps reduce internal inflammations.

Tips on buying, storing and using – The kale leaves that you pick up should be dark green in color. A darker green indicates a higher level of phytochemicals and therefore more health benefits.

The stems should be hard and moist. It is obvious that the leaves should look fresh and not yellow or wilted. Smaller size leaves are milder than those that are large.

You can store kale in a plastic bag and remove as much air as you want. This should stay in the refrigerator for about 5 days. It is advisable to rinse kale under the tap before using it. Allow it to sit for about 5 minutes before you start cooking.

Steaming the leaf is the best way to consume kale since it provides the cholesterol lowering benefits to a much higher extent.

Collard Greens

Collards belong to the same family of plants as kale. The leaves of this plant are dark blue green in color and smooth in texture. The edges are not frilled, like in the case of kale. The flavor is mildly smoky and they are in season mainly between January and April.

Origins – The origins of collard greens is similar to that of kale as well. They were also introduced to the United States in the 17th century by English settlers.

Health Benefits – Since the similarities between kale and collard green are so many, it is obvious that the health benefits also follow suit. Collard greens have cholesterol lowering capabilities that match those of kale due to the same bile binding effect. In fact in one recent study, collard greens emerged as better than any other green in this respect.

Collard greens also provide protection from cancer. Glucosinolates like glucoraphanin, gluconasturtiian, sinigrin and glucotropaeolin are considered to provide the vegetable with cancer preventive, detoxification and anti-inflammatory properties.

Tips on buying, storing and using – Leaves that are not wilted, firm and greener in color are freshest and healthiest. Smaller leaves have a milder smoky flavor and therefore best for children. Store them in the chiller to avoid wilting.

If they are left in the refrigerator for too long, they may start tasting bitter. To extract the maximum health benefits, let them lie for about 5 minutes before cooking. Adding some lime juice to the leaves brings out healthy enzymes in them too.

Turnip Greens

Turnip greens are the leaves of the more popular turnip plant. Till late, these greens were discarded while cooking turnip and it is only now that the various great qualities of these greens are being understood and put to good use.

The leaves of the turnip plant are softer and smaller than kale or collard greens. They are considered to be slightly bitter but the bitterness is not harsh and therefore delectable to the taste buds. Turnip greens have been used in cooking in Southern America for many years.

Origins – Turnip has been grown in the Near East for the last 4000 years. It was a common vegetable grown in ancient Greece and Rome too.

This vegetable was brought to North America by English colonists and they played an important role during the slavery days when the turnip greens were left for the slaves while the root was consumed by the landlord and owner.

Health Benefits – Turnip greens have large amounts of calcium – two times more calcium than mustard greens. Phytonutrients like glucosinolate are converted to isothiocyanates in the body that help prevent cancer.

While these greens have not been researched as much as some other vegetables have been, the nutrient content of turnip greens tells us that they can do wonders for overall health too.

Turnip greens contain high levels of vitamin C, vitamin E, manganese and beta-carotene. The main antioxidants present in this vegetable include quercetin, isorhamnetin, myricetin, kaempferol and hydroxycinnamic acid.

Vitamin K and omega 3 fatty acids are the nutrients responsible for its anti-inflammatory effect.

Tips on buying, storing and using – You will be able to buy turnip greens with the turnip itself. Just make sure that you do not throw away the greens and make use of them in some way.

Like collard greens, it is best to wash them and sprinkle some lemon juice on them to bring out the nutrients. These can be used as salad greens. Some garlic, olive oil and black pepper will bring out the flavor in them too.

Spinach

Spinach is extremely rich in nutritional content especially if one is comparing based on calorie content. No doubt Popeye used this magical leafy green to enhance his strength and stamina.

Produce that is made available between March and May can be considered to be the freshest since this is the time it is in season. It is also in season in September and October. Fresh and raw leaves have a mild and sweet flavor to them. When cooked, the flavor turns to slightly acidic and earthy.

Origins – It is believed that spinach has its origins in Persia and India. It was introduced to China in the 7th century. It was introduced to Europe in the 11th century by the Spanish Moors.

It was called the ‘Spanish vegetable’ in England for some time after that. Netherlands and United States produce the maximum amount of spinach in the world today.

Health Benefits – Spinach contains high levels of oxygen sensitive phytonutrients. The Vitamin C present in spinach helps protect these nutrients. Along with large amounts of vitamin K, they help in maintaining good bone health and can therefore help prevent osteoporosis.

Glycoglycerolipids that are important in the process of photosynthesis in the spinach plant is now known to improve digestive health.

Many ailments like ulcerative colitis and other inflammation related digestive issues can be prevented by regular intake of spinach.

Lutein and Zeaxanthin are two carotenoids present in spinach that aid in better eye health. Intake help in delay of age-related macular degeneration.

Tips on buying, storing and using – Leaves of the spinach you choose should be a vibrant green. They should look fresh and not wilted or yellow. Water exposure spoils spinach and therefore it should be stored without washing.

Run it thoroughly under tap water when you are about to cook it since they tend to gather dust while on the plant. Soaking spinach is also not a good idea since the nutrients tend to run into the water.

Boiling spinach for using in dishes is the best way to use it. But make sure that you use the water since it may have the essential nutrients you need.

Other Great Green Veggies

Some other extremely healthy green leafy vegetables include Swiss chard, mustard greens, Romaine lettuce, cabbage, iceberg lettuce, bok choy and endives.

Berries

Virtually every edible berry is a candidate for the super food list. And because different berries are available at different times of the year, you are pretty much guaranteed to have a selection no matter what. Food scientists note that berries contain many phytochemicals which are high in antioxidants as well as disease-fighting components.

They have plenty of fiber, vitamin C and B vitamins like folate. What you do not want to do is cook or heat the berries because they will lose these powerful properties. Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and cranberries are but a few of many around the world.

Blueberries

Description – The blueberry is often called the superstar among all berries. It is a berry that can be found in mild flavors to tangy ones too. Some are the size of a pea and others can be as large as a marble. Colors range from blue to maroon and black. They are extremely low in calories and a cup contains less than 85 calories. The berries grow in clusters and are in season between May and October.

Native to – Blueberries are native to North America. The lowbush variety is also found in Europe and the Mediterranean area. About 30% of the world’s produce is grown in the US and Canada.

Specific health benefits – Blueberries have a large number of antioxidants and therefore are associated with complete antioxidant support for the body. They improve the level of fat in the blood, reduce total cholesterol levels, lower triglycerides and increase the level of good cholesterol HDL. The berries also help in nerve cell protection and retina protection from damage caused by oxidation. University of Michigan Cardiovascular Center conducted a research that showed blueberries reduce belly fat and increase metabolic rate.

Nutrients – Blueberries contain anthocyanins like malvidins, pelargonidins, delphinidins and peonidins. The Hydroxycinnamic acids they contain include coumaric acids, caffeic acid and ferulic acid and the Hydroxybenzoic acids are gallic acid and procatchuic acid. Kaempferol, quercetin and myricetin are the flavanols present in blueberries and it also contains pterostilbene and resveratrol too.

Tips in buying, preserving and cooking – Blueberries should be washed carefully since they are fragile. They should be patted dry and not rubbed. Organic berries can be used without washing. High temperatures remove and damage the various nutrients found in the berry and these are best enjoyed fresh and raw. You can add blueberries to a shake. Other options include blueberries and yogurt, blueberry parfait or trifle.

This sweet, flare-crowned, indigo superfruit is more than just a mouth-watering delight to your craving senses. Would you believe that this favorite has a wide range of micro-nutrients that do not only protect the body from diseases, but also aging?

High Antioxidant Value

Blueberries, along with blackberries, strawberries, and plums, have the highest total antioxidant capacity of any food.

It is being regarded as one of the “superfuits” having the promising combination of nutrient value, emerging research evidence for health benefits, versatility for manufacturing popular consumer products, and antioxidant strength.

Antioxidants are thought to aid in guarding the body against the detrimental effects of free radicals to cells and the chronic diseases associated with the course of aging.

The antioxidants present in this fruit can protect the cell, so there is less chance for aging. Blueberries contain 14 mg of Vitamin C and 0.8 mg Vitamin E per 1 cup of blueberries. Blueberries also contain anthocyanins and phenolics that can also act as antioxidants. With this, the effects of blueberries to the skin are copious.

Neuron Protection

The compound anthocyanin, found in blueberries, is thought to slow down age-related loss in the mental capacity of humans. Those who eat more blueberries are thought to have better functioning in motor behavioral learning and memory.

Anthocyanin also gives blueberries their color and might be the key factor of the blueberry’s antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. While it is thought that aging can decrease cognitive and motor functions, blueberries can be of huge help to improve mental functioning.

Better Balance and Coordination

Blueberries also have positive effects to balance and coordination. In a study by Dr. James Joseph of Tufts University, it was found that a diet loaded with blueberries counteracted poor balance and coordination associated with aging.

In this study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, Joseph fed four groups of rats a normal diet. But among these groups were given blueberries, spinach, or strawberries.

For 18 weeks, the rats were tested for mental functioning, muscle strength, coordination, and balance. The two groups which were fed with strawberry and blueberry extracts performed well on these tests, but the group fed with blueberries executed the most improvement.

Not only that, findings also showed that blueberries improved the neuronal functioning of the rats. Dr. Joseph suspects the findings are a result of blueberries’ rich store of flavonoids — phytochemicals that have an effect on cell membranes.

These findings suggest that nutritional intervention can offer hope to those suffering poor balance and coordination related to aging.

Prevention of Diseases

A serving of blueberries provides a relatively low glycemic load while providing a diverse range of nutrients, which also means there are fewer calories (good news for calorie-watchers) in a serving full of phytochemicals and nutrients such as iron, vitamins C and E.

Because of the phytochemicals present, the risk of acquiring some deadly diseases may also be prevented.

Anthocyanins, proanthocyanidins, flavonols, and tannins found in this wonderful fruit may help prevent cancer by inhibiting some cancer mechanisms. These components protect the DNA from damage and disintegration caused by free radicals.

At a symposium on berry health benefits, there have been reports that eating blueberries and other similar fruits like cranberries may improve the cognitive deterioration occurring in Alzheimer’s disease and other conditions of aging. Blueberries may help lower the damages of stroke.

Researches have also shown that blueberries may help prevent urinary tract infections (UTI), hypertension, and hypercholesterolemia that can also lead to potentially fatal heart disease.

With blueberries, your tongue, and more importantly your health would get the best out of it. Well, even without all these benefits in mind, who wouldn’t die for a serving of blueberries? Hmmmm… Anyone?

Goji Berries

Tiny red berries from China, also known as wolfberries, Goji Berries contain more carotenoid antioxidants than carrots. Legendarily known as the “longevity berry” due to the myth of Li Qing Yuen who supposedly lived to be 252 years old, Goji contains an exorbitant amount of vitamins, minerals, and sesquiterpenoids, which stimulate the secretion of the human growth hormone in the pituitary gland. Because of its rare ingredients, Goji has been closely linked with longevity and immunity, along with eyesight and liver function.

Typically they are eaten raw, brewed into tea, or made into liquid extracts in Chinese medicine. They are also available in juice and trail mix form, which can be found either at Trader Joe’s or online health stores.

Cranberries

Description – Cranberries are glossy on the exterior and have a tarty flavor. Cranberries are also called ‘bounceberries’ since ripe ones are checked by bouncing them.

Native to – Cranberries are native to Europe, North America and Northern Asia.

Specific health benefits – Health benefits of cranberry come from large amounts of vitamin C and varied phytochemicals. These berries have high anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties. Cranberries have always been associated with protection against urinary tract infection. The anti-inflammatory properties help in maintaining good digestive health. Consuming cranberry juice in large quantities is known to help in removing kidney stones.

Nutrients – Cranberries contain phenolic acids like vanillic acid, caffeic acid, cinnamic acid and ferulic acid. They also have anthocyanins like cyanidins, malvidins and peonidins and flavonoids like quercetin, myricetin and kaempferol. This berry also contains ursolic acid.

Tips in buying, preserving and cooking – Firmness and bounce are the two main aspects to check while buying cranberries. The ones with a deeper color are healthier since they contain more anthocyanin. You can store these berries for about 20 days in a refrigerator. Remove those that are discolored, leathery, sticky or tough when you use them. In most cranberry recipes, you do not need to cook them. They are a great option in salads to add tartness.

Raspberries

Description – Raspberries belong to the family of fruits that include apples and apricots. They are considered to be the most popular berries after strawberries and blueberries. Raspberries are divided into red raspberries, black raspberries and purple raspberries. Black raspberries are also called thimbleberry, scotch cap and black cap.

Native to – Red raspberry is native to Europe.

Specific health benefits – Raspberries have been associated with many studies that show the positive effects of raspberry consumption on blood sugar management. The raspberry ketone found in these berries is known to increase metabolism and therefore help in weight reduction and obesity management.

Nutrients – Like blueberries, raspberries also contain different kinds of anthocyanins (cyanidins, pelargonidins, delphinidins and malvidins), flavonols (quercetin, kaempferol), flavanols (catechins, epicatechins), tilirosides, tannins (ellagitannins, gallotannins, proanthocyanidins) and many hydroxybenzoic acids and hydroxycinnamic acids.

Tips in buying, preserving and cooking – Wash the raspberries just before serving and do not leave them soaked in room temperature for too long. Those that seem too soft should just be used to make puree. You can use raspberries in porridge, yogurt or make a sauce to go with waffles or pancakes.

Strawberries

Description – Strawberries are the most popular berries due to the lovely taste that they have. They are now available all through the year while the actual season was between April and June. With more than 600 different varieties, the taste also varies from sweet and fragrant to tangy and sour.

Native to – Strawberries are native to the United States among other countries. The largest produce comes from California.

Specific health benefits – A few servings of strawberries can help decrease blood sugar elevations among the diabetic. Ellagitannin is the polyphenol responsible for this amazing effect. High levels of antioxidants help in keeping cancer at bay. These berries are also associated with better bowel health like ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease.

Nutrients – Anthocyanins, flavonols, hydroxy-benzoic acids, hydroxy-cinnamic acids, tannins and stilbenes in a wide variety are some of the nutrients one finds in strawberries.

Tips in buying, preserving and cooking – Strawberries are more perishable than other berries. They last for only a couple of days at their best. Pick those that are bright in color and firm. You can freeze strawberries and use them for a year. However, they are available through the year now and therefore best bought fresh. They make good accompaniments with green salad, yogurt and as shakes.

Other Great Berries

The list of health berries is large. Here are some others that you may also want to include in your list of things to buy at the grocery.

Acai berries – Round and purple, this berry contains iron, calcium and fiber in large quantities.

Blackberries – These berries are known to have the highest level of antioxidants among all berries available in the United States. They also have high dietary fiber, vitamin C and K and folic acid.

Noni berries – A berry that has become popular of late due to its usefulness during menstrual cramps, bowel issues, diabetes and urinary tract infections.

Maqui berries – Native to Southern Chile, this is a tart berry that has an abundance of iron, anthocyanins and polyphenols. It is used in many dietary supplements.

Chokeberry – More commonly known as aronia, the chokeberry is naïve to Eastern America and Eastern Europe too. It is a more recent find in the country for its health benefits. These berries have 5 to 10 times more anthocyanins than cranberry.

Boysenberries – Not very common in the United States, these berries are high in folate, fiber and vitamin E. Great for your hair and skin and nerve health.

Marion berries – Known to prevent cancer, heart diseases and age-related degeneration, marion berries are also great for a healthy gut.

Bayberries – Originally from China, bayberries are good for heart health and can prevent degenerative diseases. It helps in digestion and removes toxins from the human body too.

Youngberries – Youngberries are considered to be great for the eye. They help in proper digestion and promote nerve health. They are also rich in iron.

Gooseberries – Gooseberries are rich in vitamin C and are known to enhance hair growth and strength. These have been used in hair tonics in Ayurveda for centuries. The Indian gooseberry or the amla is recommended for diabetics since it stimulates the islets of Langerhans that produce insulin. It is also good for the heart, improves appetite and has anti-aging properties too.

Hackberries – A native of south eastern Asia, hackberries are known to be great for diarrhea, dysentery, colic, menstrual cramps and other gastrointestinal tract ailments.

Barberry – Known by other names such as berbery, mahonia, holy thorn and Pepperidge, this berry is considered to be native to Europe. Flowers of this plant are used to treat rheumatism. It has liver cleansing properties, helps contain diarrhea and protects against various bacterial infections too.

Juniper berries – With a nice blue and purple hue, juniper berries improve digestion and aid in better kidney health.

Cloudberries – Possible health benefits of this orange berry include better oral health, reduced aging, better lung health and higher immunity levels.

Bearberry – Used in traditional Europe as a treatment for bladder infection, bearberry can be used to make a concoction like tea.

Salmon

There are a lot of fish in the sea with great nutritional properties but salmon is a clear winner when it comes to promoting great health and disease-fighting components. Salmon is high in omega 3 fatty acids which help lower the “bad” cholesterol in the blood and promote lower blood pressure and better heart health. When given the choice, select wild salmon over farm-raised salmon as they have more of the healthy components.

Whole Grains

When you shop for whole-grain foods, make sure that you see the word “whole” in the ingredients not just derived from whole grains. “Whole” refers to the fact that the grain possesses all three essential parts – bran, endosperm, and germ – which are necessary to reap the maximum health benefits.

What is so interesting is that whole grains contain antioxidants and other phytochemicals that cannot be obtained from the consumption of vegetables and fruit. Of course, they also have plenty of fiber, B vitamins, E vitamin, iron, magnesium and more. Always choose whole grains like whole wheat, barley, rye, oats, quinoa, brown rice and others that are classified as “whole.”

Turkey – A Superfood and Healthy Holiday Treat

Cooking a Healthy Turkey

Choose skinless turkey. Turkey skin has a lot of fat. Whole turkeys are not sold with the skin off, but you can remove the skin before or after roasting. Skinless breasts and cutlets are best.

Protein is important to a healthy diet, especially lean protein. Turkey is an excellent source of protein without the saturated fat of red meats or other protein sources, such as cheese.

Vitamins abound in turkey. B vitamins, zinc and potassium are the most prevalent vitamins. These are essential for cardiovascular health, nerve function, disease prevention, and immune system function.

Choose organic, free-range turkey whenever possible. This ensures that the nutrients are high, and organic turkeys will not contain antibiotics or hormones.

Roast or broil your turkey. Those deep fat fryers are on sale every holiday season, but pass them up. Frying it adds a great deal of fat and calories, making this superfood into a naughty treat.

Low-calorie protein is essential for a healthy lifestyle. Turkey is a little over 1/3 protein (a 100-gram serving has 34 grams of protein), and that same 100-gram serving has only about 160 calories.

Heart health is an important topic these days, and turkey is an important component in heart health. Because it is low in saturated fat, it’s a protein that aids the body without the “bad fat” side effects. Also, the B vitamins in turkey enhance heart health.

Turkey is versatile, too. It can be served hot or cold, in soup or plain, on sandwiches or in salads. It makes a good snack or formal meal.

Tryptophan is a naturally-occurring chemical that is found in turkey. It can also be found in supplements (often called L-tryptophan), and for good reason. Tryptophan has a calming effect and can even help people who have trouble sleeping. Tryptophan can help ease anxiety, panic, and other nervous problems.

Weight can be kept in check by the ingestion of lean protein. Because it digests slowly, high protein meals and snacks help you feel full longer, enhancing weight loss. Proteins take a lot of calories and energy to digest, which also adds to turkey’s low-calorie status.

Superfoods for Common Diseases, Conditions

Super Foods for Energy and General Good Health

Choosing the right foods, especially in times of stress, can make all the difference. These powerful foods pack an energizing punch and should be eaten in some form, daily.

1. Apples contain naturally-occurring chemical compounds known as phytochemicals, polyphenols, or flavonoids, some of which have been proven to have antioxidant activity that inhibits, or scavenges, the activity of free radicals in the body. Cell damage from free radicals can be a factor in certain cancers, heart disease, strokes, and other conditions.

The major antioxidant components in apples are polyphenols contained mainly in the skin known as quercetin glycoside, phloretin glycoside, chlorogenic acid, and epicatechin. Quercetin has been reported to reduce carcinogenic activity, inhibit enzymatic activities associated with several types of tumor cells, enhance the antiproliferative activity of anticancer agents, and inhibit the growth of transformed tumorigenic cells.

2. Blackberries, Blueberries, Raspberries, Strawberries – Antioxidant compounds found in blueberries, sweet cherries, strawberries and blackberries may fight arterial disease by preventing the oxidation of LDL (‘bad’) cholesterol, according to a team of researchers at the University of California, Davis.

In studies conducted at the University, Dr. I. Marina Heinonen, a visiting scientist from the University of Helsinki in Finland, and colleagues extracted antioxidant compounds from blackberries, red raspberries, sweet cherries, blueberries and strawberries.

In a series of experiments in laboratory culture dishes, they found that blackberries and Blueberries are of particular interest because of their high antioxidant capacity. They had the most antioxidant activity in one experiment and sweet cherries in another.

3. Fish and Omega Fatty Acids found in fish help prevent blood clots, heart attacks and improves the ratio of good to bad cholesterol. Consider salmon and tuna as great sources of Omega-3. By utilizing high potency Omega-3 from flaxseed and canola, Omega-6 from primrose and black currant and Omega-9 (or Oleic acid, a non-essential fatty acid) from Canola and Flax, you can create the right balance, while minimizing any chance of reoccurring imbalances .

4. Flaxseed is rich in Omega-3 and fiber. You can increase the benefits of flaxseed by having it cracked or ground. This allows us to take full advantage of the rich oil and fiber inside the seeds. Sprinkle the seeds over cereal or bake them into your favorite foods.

5. Grains are the staple of most diets all over the world. A rich source of vitamins and minerals, grains can be used for a variety of ailments based on not only their nutritional value but on their taste and temperature as well. Grains such as oatmeal and buckwheat reduce blood lipids, decreasing heart disease, colon cancer, alkalizing, balances over-acid conditions.

6. Grapes, Juice, Red Wine are rich in antioxidants called flavonoids and have been shown to prevent clogging of the arteries, blood clots and they also contain water-soluble vitamins that strengthen tiny blood vessels, which can help swollen feet or ankles, speed up the healing of bruises and promote healthy collagen for fewer wrinkles.

Remember, moderation with red wine. Two glasses for women, three glasses for men are the beneficial amounts. Anything more than that and you loose these benefits.

7. Greens are an excellent source of vitamin A and a good source of vitamin C. For a bigger boost of vitamin A, buy greens that are medium to dark green (the darker the leaves, the more vitamin A).

Many greens, such as spinach, kale, and collards are known for their mineral content, especially iron, calcium, magnesium-as well as the vitamins folate, riboflavin (B2) and vitamin K. Leaves are very rich in antioxidants– the carotenoids and beta-carotene, the tocopherols (vitamin E) and of course, vitamin C.

8. Nuts such as almonds, pecans and walnuts are some of the best sources of protein. They make a great snack and have been found to reduce heart attacks by 50% compared to those who did not enjoy these crunchy goodies. Again, do not overdue it. A couple hand fulls of each are all you need and try to avoid those that are drenched in too much salt.

9. Soy makes a great meat substitute and can significantly reduce your saturated fat intake. Some research has shown that soy keeps arteries flexible and bones stronger and benefits the heart and in 20% of pre and post menopausal women, helps reduce hot flashes. (Women with a history of cyst, fibroids, pcos or endometriosis should avoid soy).

SuperFoods for that Awful, Common Cold

Not only do wholesome, nutrient-dense foods nourish your body and assist the cells develop and reproduce, they also help arm your body’s defenses to ward off assaults from microbes that cause colds.

Low-fat meats, fruits, veggies and whole grains all play a part in preparing your body to do battle.

Another crucial element of your anti-cold defense system is water. When your body is dehydrated, it’s at an elevated risk of germs latching on and not letting go – so be sure to drink a lot of water and decaffeinated beverages to help your body remain hydrated and ready.

Just one cup of yogurt a day may act to keep the gastrointestinal tract healthier, which can help you ward off colds. It must be yogurt with live cultures, as this is the key ingredient which helps keep the GI tract ready to rumble. An added bonus to eating yogurt is that recent studies suggest frequent dairy intake helps you shed extra pounds or maintain a healthy body weight.

Garlic contains allicin, an antibiotic that has been shown to protect against complications from a cold in some research. Garlic can be added to many of your favorite recipes to spice them up and help you suit up to do battle against cold germs.

It’s been said an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well, so can an orange. One orange a day provides your recommended daily allowance of vitamin C. Oranges are also abundant in flavonoids, which aids your body’s cells to renew and stay healthy and strong.

Green bell peppers are the veggie family’s best vitamin C source. Add them to a salad, or simply slice one up and eat it raw. Flavonoids are also present in peppers. You may even want to prepare a green pepper dip seasoned with garlic for an added germ-kicking effect.

Lean ground beef, particularly when prepared with a bit of garlic, can maintain cell health and fight off illness. It’s a great source of protein, selenium and zinc, and when enjoyed with a bit of tomato, is a fantastic defense throughout cold season.

Super Foods that Protect Against Heart Disease

There are many different foods that protect against heart disease and others that have the opposite effect. Foods that protect against heart disease range from nuts and seeds to vegetables, specific vitamins or organically grown produce.

Foods that have the opposite effect have been well documented. Foods that contain trans fatty acids, highly processed or high amounts of white flour all contribute to poor nutritional habits and increased risks of diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure.

Although scientists have pinpointed several different foods that protect against heart disease, the real protection comes from some of the different natural chemicals in the foods.

Tomatoes, Red Wine, Dark Chocolate

Flavenoids are a chemical that scientists believe protect against heart disease. These chemicals are found in tomatoes, red wine, and dark chocolate. In a new study researchers found that organically grown tomatoes have a higher level of flavenoids that protect against cardiovascular disease. Published in The Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry the researchers said that the level of flavenoids in an organically grown tomato is almost twice as high as those conventionally grown.

The lead author of the study was surprised by the increase in the amount of flavenoids found in the tomatoes over time. The levels continued to increase with each planting that used organic methods for pest control and fertilization.

Green Leafy Veggies, Oranges, Strawberries…

Another chemical that has been found in foods that protect against heart disease is folic acid. In a recent study released in the British Medical Journal researchers found through evaluation of randomized and cohort studies that folic acid reduces the levels of hymocysteine concentrations in the blood. Homocysteine is responsible for an increased risk of cardiovascular disease resulting in both heart disease and stroke.

The study showed that folic acid decreased the levels of homocysteine and thus reduced the risk of heart disease. Folate is found in green leafy vegetables, oranges, strawberries, avocados, peanuts, broccoli, asparagus, chick peas and lentils.

Nuts and Seeds

Another food that protects against heart disease are raw nuts and seeds. Several clinical studies have found that nuts have a beneficial effect on lipid levels in the blood. The study found that eating nuts daily decreased the total cholesterol and LDL cholesterol (the bad type of cholesterol) while raising the HDL or good cholesterol. Studies have also shown that the nuts will also increase the overall lifespan of those who consume them.

In several large prospective studies (The Iowa Women Health Study, Nurses Health Study and The CARE Study) the researchers have found an inverse relationship between those who eat nuts and those who have a high risk of atherosclerotic heart disease. This means that those who eat a healthy diet of nuts have a decreased risk of the disease.

Flax Seed and Fish High in Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Another known food that protects against heart disease are fish high in Omega 3 fatty acids. In a statement released in Circulation 2002 scientists revealed that omega 3 fatty acids appear to affect cardiac function, cardiac mechanics and arterial endothelial cardiac function. This means they protect the heart against arrhythmias and clogged arteries. Major food sources of linolenic acid and omega 3 fatty acids are flaxseed and fish. Farm raised catfish tend to have the least amount while salmon and trout appear to have the most omega 3 acids.

Including foods that protect against heart disease and stroke into your diet is a good start to protecting your heart and your future. This is an easy solution that requires little lifestyle changes and even less energy. The benefits to your long-term health and doctor bills will be amazing. Try it and see!

Super Foods for Gout

Gout, a painful joint condition, is caused by an accumulation of uric acid in the blood. The disease usually appears in midlife and is primarily experienced by men. Gout can be hereditary or the secondary to some other disease process.

The main symptom of gout is severe pain and swelling in joints. Although gout usually affects only one joint at a time, it can move from one joint to affect another joint.

What causes uric acid to build up?

The kidneys normally do a fine job of filtering uric acid out of the body. But with gout, the body makes excess uric acid or the kidneys fail to function properly, failing to rid the body of the uric acid. This causes the uric acid to begin to build up in the joints in the form of uric acid crystals.

This condition is very painful. The accumulation of these crystals causes severe pain and swelling in the joint. One of the most common sites for gout is in the big toe joint. However, gout can occur in an ankle, knee, elbow, wrist or finger.

Typically, the onset of gout occurs at night with excruciating pain, swelling and inflammation in the affected joint. Rich food and alcohol may contribute to the rise in uric acid and the increase in the severity of the symptoms.

The Best Foods for Gout

Luckily, there are several superfoods that are probably already a part of your everyday diet that can help alleviate the symptoms of gout.

The pectin and vitamin C in apples can help alleviate gout symptoms. The vitamin C helps to strengthen the immune system and the pectin helps the joints remain flexible.

Onions protect the circulatory system and are a powerful antibiotic. They’re good for urinary infections, and their diuretic activity helps with arthritis, rheumatism and gout.

Beets are richer than spinach in iron and other minerals, and the greens are helpful in cases of gout due to the fact that the iron helps to oxygenate and purify the bloodstream.

Cherries can help alleviate gout. Recent research, published in the journal Arthritis & Rheumatism, shows that eating cherries over two days reduced the risk of experiencing a gout attack by 35 percent, compared to not eating cherries. The key ingredient in cherries and cherry juice that helps gout is flavonoids. Flavonoids help to reduce the uric acid levels in the bloodstream. Flavonoids also help to prevent the inflammation that results from gout. There are a few possibilities for why these associations exist, researchers say. One is that vitamin C, which is found in cherries, can influence the amount of uric acid in a person’s blood, according to Dr. Allan Gelber, who co-wrote an editorial accompanying the study.

And let’s not forget bananas….

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Superfoods for Thyroid Problems

Taking care of your thyroid with good nutrition is a smart step in the right direction. Here are some superfoods that research has shown can nurture a healthy thyroid, as well as some ones to avoid.

Coconut and coconut butter, or more commonly known as coconut oil, has been used as a food and medicine since the dawn of history. Unlike saturated animal fats found in meats and dairy products, coconut butter is a raw saturated fat containing fatty acids which the body can metabolize efficiently and convert to energy quickly. Research also shows it helps to regulate thyroid function.

Kelp is a stellar, nutrient-dense sea vegetable. It is also known as Laminaria and contains a natural substance that enhances flavor and tenderizes. Kelp works as a blood purifier, and promotes adrenal, pituitary and thyroid health. Its natural iodine may help normalize thyroid-related disorders, like overweight, and lymph system congestion.

Turkey is one of the leanest protein foods and is low in calories, making it an excellent healthy food choice. Turkey also contains selenium which has been shown to inhibit cancer development, improve the immune system, and aid in the metabolism of our thyroid hormone.

Thyroid patients should avoid the consumption of goitrogens, substances that suppress the function of the thyroid gland, and which can also cause an enlargement of the thyroid. Goitrogens are in foods such as broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, mustard, kale, turnips, and canola oil. Soy and peanuts also include goitrogens and should be avoided.

Both copper and iron are so important for thyroid function, so thyroid patients should take time to make sure they’re getting enough in their diets. Foods such as organ meats, oysters, clams, crabs, cashews, sunflower seeds, wheat bran cereals, whole-grain products, and cocoa products are all rich in copper. Foods like leafy green vegetables, beans, shellfish, red meat, and poultry are high in iron.

Complement your iron intake with adequate amounts of vitamin C from foods such as citrus fruits, red berries, tomatoes, potatoes, and bell peppers to help maximize your body’s iron absorption efficiency.

Super Foods for a Healthy Prostate

The prostate gland has a reputation as a health destroyer. Hypertrophy of the prostate gland, which affects nearly every elderly male, strangles the urethra. This troublesome condition makes urination difficult and increases the risk of bladder infections and kidney damage.

Research shows that certain nutrients and foods that have an abundance of certain substances have the potential to both help prevent and treat health issues that challenge the prostate, including prostatitis, benign prostatic hypertrophy, and prostate cancer. In other words, you have the ability to support and promote a healthy prostate every time you sit down to a meal.

Lycopene

Tomatoes, watermelons, red grapefruit, papaya and red berries are all great sources of lycopene, a health-promoting plant pigment known for its cancer-battling ability. It also promotes a strong immune system and helps support prostate health in men. Though fresh are always an excellent option, the lycopene in cooked tomatoes is actually absorbed more readily by the body. It’s also your ally in the battle against heart disease.

Quercetin

Quercetin, a flavonoid that forms the backbone of many other flavonoids, may have positive effects in combating or helping to prevent many different types of cancer, including prostate. It also acts as an antihistamine and has anti-inflammatory properties, which may be helpful in relieving the pain of an inflamed prostate.

Foods rich in quercetin include apples, black & green tea, onions, raspberries, red wine, red grapes, citrus fruits, broccoli & other leafy green vegetables, and cherries. Quercetin can also be found in honey and sap, including the type from eucalyptus and tea tree flowers.

Broccoli

Several studies have demonstrated a lower chance of developing prostate cancer among men who eat large amounts of broccoli or other cruciferous vegetables.

Although the reasons as to why broccoli is so beneficial for staving off cancer are still unclear, some researchers propose that one of the phytochemicals found in these vegetables, called sulforaphane, selectively targets and kills cancer cells while leaving normal prostate cells healthy and unaffected.

Legumes and Soybeans

Legumes such as beans, peanuts and lentils all contain biologically active plant compounds known as phytoestrogens. Isoflavones, a phytoestrogen, may contain cancer-fighting properties, which suppress tumor growth in prostate cancer cells.

Brazil Nuts

Of all the different types of nuts, these natives of South America are an especially rich source of the mineral selenium, which is important for prostate health. In fact, just one ounce of Brazil nuts can contain as much as ten times the RDA for selenium. Research has shown that selenium intake is associated with a reduced risk of prostate cancer.

Pomegranates

Much like red wine or green tea, pomegranate is a rich source of antioxidants and has been touted as a miracle fruit in preventing chronic diseases related to oxidative stress.

In particular, pomegranates are rich in a phytonutrient called ellagitannin that is especially helpful in promoting prostate health. Although pomegranate itself can be a challenge to eat, pomegranate juice is readily available as a popular choice.

Fish

Polyunsaturated fats, like omega-3s and omega-6s, are essential fatty acids found exclusively in the diet and not synthesized by the body. The traditional Western diet has lot of omega-6 fatty acids, but minimal omega-3s.

Having a balance of omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids may help prevent the development and progression of prostate cancer. Study results reported that eating salmon at least once per week might reduce a risk of developing advanced prostate cancer even if it is genetically predisposed.

Pumpkin Seeds

Pumpkin seeds offer some unique health benefits for the prostate, especially for men who have benign prostatic hypertrophy (BPH). This condition, which involves enlargement of the prostate gland, commonly affects men 50 years and older.

The pumpkin seeds’ oil help prevent the hormones from triggering multiplication of prostate cells. This oil also contains carotenoids and omega fatty acids. Another nutrient found in pumpkin seeds is zinc, which is also associated with prostate health. A recent study suggests that zinc protects against the development of prostate cancer.

Cayenne Pepper

Cayenne peppers get their heat from a high concentration of a substance called capsaicin. Along with its anticancer abilities, capsaicin also offers cardiovascular benefits because it is a potent antioxidant that fights free radicals that can lead to atherosclerosis.

It’s important to remember to get a healthy balance of foods to keep your prostate healthy, including antioxidants, vitamin E from nuts and seeds, and drink plenty of clear fluids to help flush the bladder. Try to avoid caffeine and alcohol. Keeping your weight in check will also help maintain a healthy prostate.

Easy Ways to Add Superfoods into Your Diet

When you hear about superfoods, it can sound somewhat intimidating. It may sound like you have to spend a great deal of money and completely change your diet, or force yourself to eat meals that taste unpleasant.

In reality, though, superfoods are just regular foods – some are unusual, but they are generally just really healthy foods you can include in your regular diet.

Berries

Berries like strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and cherries are superfoods which contain important vitamins and minerals, and are rich in antioxidants.

Most health experts agree that the antioxidants and nutrients are more numerous and effective when these berries are eaten raw. These superfoods are great to eat out of hand, along with some of these other ways:

* Blueberries, sliced strawberries, and raspberries are good on hot or cold cereal. * Freeze any berries and use them in smoothies. * Puree berries and freeze into popsicles. * Frozen berries are tasty eaten out of hand. * Serve a mixed fruit salad that includes berries. * Top shortcake with whipped cream and berries.

Green Tea

Green tea is not only considered one of the superfoods which is full of antioxidants; it’s also purported to help boost weight loss. Many stores offer flavors of green tea to make it even more enticing and fun to include in your diet. Green tea can be consumed in various ways.

* Brew green tea and drink hot for your morning cup. * Mix green tea with your regular black tea, hot or iced. * Coffee can also be mixed with green tea. * Flavor green tea with fruit juice and drink it iced.

Flax Seeds

Health professionals point out that flax seeds (one of the healthiest superfoods) should be ground up into a flour or meal for you to get the full nutritional benefits. Whole flax seeds pass through the digestive tract intact, meaning you don’t get any of the healthful benefits. Try including flax meal into your everyday diet with some of these ideas.

* Replace part of the flour in your favorite baked goods recipe with flax meal (breads, cookies, muffins, and so forth). * Sprinkle flax meal on hot or cold cereal. * Add flax meal to smoothies. * Sprinkle it on yogurt.

Nuts

Look for raw nuts in your local grocery or health food store. Raw nuts are probably healthier, as they do not contain any added fat or salt, and heat has not destroyed the healthy fatty acids in these little superfoods.

* Sprinkle chopped nuts on oatmeal, cold cereal, or salads. * Roll peeled bananas in chopped, raw peanuts. * Dip apple slices in melted dark chocolate and roll in chopped nuts. Apples and dark chocolate are considered superfoods, too!

Fish

Due to high Omega-3 Fatty Acid content, fish is one of the best superfoods to protect your heart and cardiovascular system. If you’re not used to fish, it can seem intimidating. But it’s really an easy food to prepare. Here are some ideas.

* Have a “fish night” at least once a week. * Mild white fish can be cut into strips and used to make healthy homemade fish sticks. * Broil salmon and baste with lemon juice and olive oil.

Take Your Simple Salad to Super Food Status

When looking for a quick nutritious dish, many of us turn to the old reliable bowl of salad. It’s quick and easy, especially if you use all the handy bags of salad makings.

But a bag of lettuce doesn’t exactly win prizes when it comes to nutrition. Nor does it fill you up and keep you satisfied for long.

So how do you turn a quick salad into a nutritious salad? Let’s take a look at a few ways to take that simple salad up a notch or two.

Greens

We might as well start at the beginning. The most basic salad can be better when you choose healthier greens. Just like any vegetable, the darker the greens, the more nutrients they offer.

Don’t limit your greens, whether lettuce or others, to one color or variety.

You can find packages of mixed greens that offer choices, or you can create your own healthier blend of greens.

If you have some standard iceberg lettuce, go ahead and use it for the splendid crunch, but mix in some other greens like escarole, frisee, or even baby spinach.

Don’t forget to try some mustard greens for a spicy kick. And, all these greens offer lots of nutrients that our favorite iceberg lettuce does not.

Veggies

Look at your refrigerator and pantry. Are there vegetables lurking there? Perhaps there are veggies that you might not have even considered for a salad.

Maybe you don’t have a fresh tomato or cucumber. What would a salad be without these two veggies? Wait and see!

Grab a carrot and peel pretty shavings into the salad bowl. Chop up those celery tops you’ve been saving for soup.

Do you have frozen okra, corn, green beans, or sweet peas? Toss them in.

If you need to have a bit of tomato but don’t have a fresh one, don’t despair. Open a can of diced tomatoes and spoon out a few. The flavor will surprise and delight.

Don’t let the idea of a ‘side salad’ keep you from adding any vegetable you want to your new and improved salad.

Proteins

Here’s where the nutrition takes another leap. If we’re talking about taking nutrition up another notch, we have to mention protein.

No meal is complete without a good amount of protein. But, in a salad, you need to be creative.

Chop up cooked chicken, fish, or meat and throw it in. But, don’t stop there. Remember to hard-boil some eggs, mash them up, and sprinkle on top.

A can of white Albacore tuna, flaked slightly, makes a delicious and nutritious addition. Skip the croutons and add nuts for protein and crunch.

Rinsed canned beans or oven baked crispy garbanzo beans are another protein rich source. Cheese is another good source of nutrition.

Use shredded hard cheese like Parmesan or crumbled soft cheese like Bleu cheese for interesting flavor, texture, and nutrition.

Fruits and Berries

When you’re looking for super salads, look no further than fruits and berries. Choose first for color and then for taste. You really can’t lose when you add any sweet fruits and berries to a cold, crispy bowl of greens.

Strawberries, orange segments, and tart apples are just the beginning. Include some fresh pineapple, mango, or pomegranate to the list and your salad will be full of color and nutrition.

Blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries add lots of antioxidants and make any salad stand out.

With any nutritious dish, salads are best when you combine flavors, textures, and colors all together in one arrangement. Consider combining all these elements when you choose your ingredients and you will be guaranteed a successful super salad!

Super Fruits that Cleanse the Liver

Fruits are a natural way of cleansing your body thoroughly and removing toxins from it. All fruits consist of acids which eliminate toxins from the bloodstream. This gives your body strength and energy.

The liver is the second largest organ in your body. It is one of the most important organs too since it helps to detoxify your bloodstream. The liver also helps to fight infections. You may find several medical treatments to cleanse your liver but you should always opt for natural methods of detoxification.

Select a day in the week to cleanse your liver. Eat a breakfast without any fats, and with lots of fruits. You can undergo liver cleansing twice in a year. Spring is the best season to cleanse the liver. Avoid doing this in the winter season.

The liver is a vital body organ that produces cholesterol, metabolizing nutrients, and breaks down toxins. The intake of a wide variety of fruits ensures that you are following a healthy and natural process to cleanse your liver. An occasional fruit diet would also help you in reducing weight because these are low in calories.

Rich Fiber Fruits

Apple, banana, blackberry, raspberry, pumpkin, and all other fiber-rich fruits work excellently as cleansers. These high fiber fruits are great for your liver since they lower the cholesterol too.

Citrus Acid Fruits

Fruits like orange, grapefruit, or lime help reduce your sodium intake. You can also use such fruits to flavor your salads instead of adding salt to them, which would lead to high sodium intake. This intake can deplete your body of water, and even cause obesity.

Fruits are very high in liquid content. They are rich in antioxidants, nutrients, vitamins, and fiber. You can even consume fruit juices to cleanse your liver. In fact, through a fruit juice cleanser you will feel lighter, healthier, and much more energetic. The nutrients in fruit juices boost your immune system and get rid of harmful, liver-damaging substances.

Apples

Apples are superb for the liver since they are water based fruits. They aid in controlling digestion and cholesterol production. Apple contains natural sugar and vitamin c which cleanse your liver and make you feel energetic. It is rightly said that “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”.

Pears

Pears contain a mild laxative effect, which is great for aiding excretion.

Watermelon

Watermelons are rich in water. They help flush your liver and cleanse it rapidly. This plays a major role in filtering out body toxins, which is highly beneficial.

Grapefruit

Grapefruits quickly purify your liver effectively and refresh your system.

Cherry

Cherry helps in reducing toxic stress. It is high in antioxidants which cleanse the liver and prevent it from getting harmful infections.

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