#but it just seems really sad and upsetting

[moonstruckme]

Hey girl 💖 Would love a comfort fic with James or poly!Marauders after r had a really bad day? Just cuddles and comforting words. Sure most of us need it right now 💖

Thanks for requesting my love <3 I did try to make this seem like it could just be about any bad day but for my US babes and anyone else that's going to be affected by the election, I really hope you're doing okay and I hope we're all okay over the next few years. Even if we don't all have a James to comfort us, we can still be there for each other <3

James Potter x fem!reader ♡ 607 words

You’re in bed when James finishes brushing his teeth. He can see your shoulders shaking underneath the covers. 

His chest aches as he goes to you. It’s not the first time you’ve cried today and it probably won’t be the last for a while, all your hurt and anger and grief compounding on you as time goes on. James gets into bed and twines his arms around your middle, pressing his nose into your warm cheek. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs. 

Your sobs worsen, and you turn, face to his chest and arms reaching around him with an unthinking neediness. You don’t believe him. 

“It is.” He kisses the top of your head firmly, hugging you closer. You seem like you need a bit of solidity right now. “You’ll be alright, sweet girl. I’ve got you.” 

James lets you cry. Your sniffles grow thick, James’ chest under your face wet with tears and snot. He wonders if your head hurts from how much you’ve wept today, makes a mental note to get you some water in the morning if he can’t manage it tonight. Your whole body shakes with deep, aching sobs. 

“I’m sorry,” you say after a while, words jolting. “I can’t—I keep thinking in circles.” 

“Baby, it’s okay.” James rubs your back. He hates to see you upset, but he wouldn’t begrudge you it. You’ve had a day. As much as he wishes he never had to see you cry, he feels grateful that you’d do it with him. “It’s okay to be sad for a little while.” 

“I know. I know, but—” Another series of sobs jostles their way out of you, painful sounding. Your voice quiets to a tight whisper. “I just can’t stop.” 

James swallows the blockage in his own throat, making big, sweeping circles over your back. “Do you want a little distraction?” he offers. 

You nod into his chest. 

“Okay.” He thinks for a second. “Well, tomorrow, I thought we might go to the bookstore if you’re feeling up to it.” He pauses, waiting to see if this is what you want. When you don’t make a sound he continues. “We could make a day of it. There’s that Thai place you like nearby, so maybe we grab some takeaway, sit and read in the park…” You make a snuffling sound against his chest, and James gives you a squeeze. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Your voice is stuffy and sad, but calmer. “That sounds nice.” 

“I glanced at the weather report earlier.” He drops a kiss on your head. It coaxes you into looking up at him. Your eyes are wet and puffy, but James smiles at you, pinching your nose clean gently. “It’s supposed to be nice out. We’ll probably need our coats, but still, not too bad. You could probably break out those new socks you got.” 

You smile wobbily. “It feels like sort of a silly thing to be excited about now,” you say softly, “socks.” 

“That’s what I love about you, though.” James holds your face and gives in to kissing wherever the urge strikes him, your skin warm and tacky. “You’re always finding things to be excited about, that make you happy. I love that. It’s the little things, right?” 

You sniffle. You’re far from happy now, but you’re settling. “I guess.” 

“It’s nice when it’s the big things too, of course,” he concedes, “but for tomorrow I can still get my girl a book and a takeaway. Right? Okay?” 

“Yeah.” You kiss him, salt on both of your lips. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Jamie.” 

“You’ll be okay,” he promises you again. “I’ve always got you.”

[silverb0wties]

Lemonade - Part 5

leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Summary: the aftermath of your concussion

Warnings: pregnancy, self-harm, disordered eating, bullying

a/n: sorry if this chapter is a little bit dark in parts. if you're still reading the series, thanks so much for sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ||

PART 5

You woke up on a plastic bed in a room that smelled like the awful cream your Mummy would rub on her legs after Netball, surrounded by a million different kinds and colours of sellotape.

You could hear voices, and you looked over to the corner of the room to find your Aunty Leah consoling your Aunty Lessi as she cried.  She looked distraught, her eyes red and puffy with tears.

“I should have known it would overwhelm her.  I was just so excited to share this with her…”

“Babe, she’s going to be okay.  We’re still learning all this, yeah?”

“But we’re meant to protect her, and… and I- I…” Aunty Lessi choked on her words before Aunty Leah cut her off.

“And I should have had a tighter grip on her when I saw she was panicking.  Like I said, we’re both still learning how to do this.  The medics said she’s got a bit of a concussion, but she’ll be alright.  We know how concussions work, so we’ve just got to keep our eyes on her and make sure she gets lots and lots of rest.”

There was a quiet knock at the door, before an important looking lady with a clipboard came in.

“Less, sorry but we need to know if you’re going to play the second half or not?” she asked.

As your Aunties turned toward the door, they realised that you were awake.

“Oh Bunny, sweetie, you’re awake.  How are you feeling?” your Aunty Lessi rushed over to you, her hands coming down to gently cradle the sides of your head.

You looked up at her a bit stunned, rather confused about why you were where you were and why everyone seemed so upset.

“Does your head hurt?  Do you feel sick or dizzy at all?” she asked, her hand softly brushing through your hair.

You tried to think about if you felt sick or dizzy, but all you could really feel was a powerful throbbing rattling through your head.  You also felt really, really tired.  But you had just woken up, so that could perhaps explain that.  You don’t remember going to sleep though, which was starting to concern you.

“I feel okay,” you replied, trying to brush away your Aunty’s concern.

“Alessia, sorry, we need t-” the lady at the door began to ask again.

“I won’t be playing, sorry.  My family is more important right now,” Aunty Lessi told her.

“Less, you should go play.  I’ll stay with Bunny and make sure she’s-”

Your Aunty Lessi whipped around to face Aunty Leah. “No, Leah.  I’m not leaving her.  She’s hurt.   We’ll get a car to take us back to the training centre so we can go home early,” she insisted firmly.

Aunty Leah replied with a sad smile and a nod.  “I’ll go get our stuff packed up then, yeah?”

“I’m okay Aunty Lessi, you should play!” you tried to insist.

“No Bunny, there would be no point in me playing anyways.  I would be so distracted out there and worrying about you I would probably kick the ball into the wrong goal by mistake.”

By the time you finally got back home that night, your head was still pounding and you were struggling to stay awake.  You were trying your hardest to be big and brave and pretend like you were okay, but as soon as you stepped into bath, your whole façade fell apart.  As the warm water lapped at your tense muscles, which you now realised you’d been clenching in an effort to distract from the pain in your head, your resolve melted and you began to weep.

You brought your knees up to your chest and dropped your head forward, your hands entwining at the back of your head as your little body shook with each sob.  The tears and jagged breaths only intensified the pain in your head though, which in turn caused more tears and jagged breaths.  You tried your hardest to stay as quiet as possible, but you were aware that your cries were becoming increasingly vocal.

There was soon a soft knock at the door, followed by your Aunty Lessi’s voice.  Whilst making sure you still got clean and dressed, your Aunties had always tried to give you your privacy while bathing and dressing, which you appreciated.  They were your Aunties, but it still felt weird being undressed around people who weren’t your parents.

“Bunny?  Are you okay?” she called through the closed door.

“It hurts” you cried in response.

“What hurts honey?”

“Everything.  My head hurts most.”

“How about we give you some medicine to make it hurt less, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“And then we can get you to bed, and you can try and get some rest, alright?”

“Okay.”

There was a short pause.  You’d assumed your Aunty had gone away to get the medicine, but then you heard her voice again.

“Bun, you don’t always have to try and be big and brave y’know?  If you’re hurting, you can tell us.  Always.  I promise you won’t be in trouble or we won’t make fun of you or anything.  We just want you to feel okay.”

“Okay.”

You didn’t fully believe her.  You wanted to, but a part of you still believed that there was only so much love and affection to go around and you needed to space that out at least until Lemonade arrived.  You didn’t want to use it all up on this incident.

So you tried your hardest to push the pain down and away as you quickly washed yourself.  You managed to get yourself up and out of the bath and wrapped in a towel before there was a knock at the door again.

“You can come in,” you mumbled, making sure the towel was secured tightly under your arms.

Your Aunty Lessi entered with a little cup filled with pink medicine and a cup of water.  She kneeled down to your height as she offered it to you.

“Now it says strawberry flavoured on the bottle, so hopefully it won’t taste too bad.”

You gingerly took the cup and gulped the medicine down, wincing at the distinctly fake strawberry taste.  You quickly grabbed the cup of water from your Aunty’s other hand and skulled that down to wash away the lingering flavour.

“Good job, Bun.  Now let’s get you into your PJ’s and into bed, yeah?”

By the time you were under the covers, arms tightly wrapped around your beloved Arthur, the pain in your head had dulled to only a mild ache.

“Goodnight sweet girl” your Aunty Lessi whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“Night Aunty Lessi” you mumbled back.

It was the first time you slept through the night without waking up to a nightmare since the fire.

--

You woke up to the smell of Aunty Lessi’s lasagne wafting through the house.  However, as you opened your eyes and came to your senses, you immediately panicked. 

You were not in your own bed. 

You were in your Aunties bed.

You had no idea how you’d come to be in their bed.  The last thing you remembered you were lying on the floor in the loungeroom studying one of the books the Arsenal girls had given you about football.  You were trying to understand where all the different positions were on the pitch and what responsibilities each position had.  You had been figuring out the difference between a centre-back and a full-back when you had… fallen asleep.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Whilst it had been a few days now since your accident and you’d had a couple of days off school and your head no longer hurt, you were still feeling extra extra tired from your concussion.  You’d spent most of that day at school trying to hide your yawns from your teacher and classmates.  When you’d been given some free time after finishing one of your activities ahead of the rest of the class, the same group of students that always seemed to catch you at your weakest had caught you dozing off in the corner of the room where you’d been reading.  They’d tied your shoelaces together and were starting to draw on your arm when you woke up.  You hadn’t realised they’d also put rolled up pieces of paper in your hair braid until your Aunty Leah pointed them out when she picked you up.

You’d tried to brush it off and said it was just a game all the kids were playing with each other, but the concerned frown your Aunty gave you implied she didn’t quite believe your lie.

“You know you can tell us if there’s anything going wrong at school, yeah?  If anyone’s picking on you or calling you names or anything?”

You just nodded.  There was no way you would ever tell your Aunties what was really happening at school.  You would just deal with it like a big girl.  Push through.  Be brave.  They had bigger things to worry about than some kids putting paper in your hair and saying mean things.  Your Aunty Leah was growing a human AND mending her busted knee for heaven’s sake!  You could deal with some silly paper in your hair.

When you’d got back to the house, you went straight to your room to undo your braid and pluck all the little pieces of paper from your hair.  You’d counted them (23 in total) before scrunching them up and throwing them in the little wastepaper basket beside your desk. 

As the paper hit the basket, a tiny ball of raging heat began bubbling in your chest.  You didn’t know what to do with it or how to describe it, but it made you want to stomp your feet and hit a wall and scratch at your skin.  You’d never been the best at describing emotions, but you were pretty certain this wasn’t sadness.  Perhaps, this was anger? Frustration? Disappointment? 

The tiny ball continued to bubble and grow as you lunged for your bed where Arthur lay.  You attempted desperately to use your tried and tested method of rubbing his ear against your cheek to calm the feeling, and whilst it felt nice, it did nothing to soothe your need to stomp or hit or scratch.

You searched your room urgently for something else to ease the searing heat in your chest, even gulping down the remnants of a cup of water on your bedside table.  But nothing worked.  You needed to stomp or hit or scratch.  You knew couldn’t stomp your feet or hit a wall, because that would be loud, and your Aunty would hear and come ask what was wrong.  So, you decided to scratch. 

You had to pick somewhere not too visible so that if you left a mark, nobody would see and ask what happened.  So, you tugged up the hem of your school dress and pushed down your tights and began scratching at the skin at the top of your right thigh.

The relief was instant. 

The second your nails dug into your flesh, the little ball of heat in your chest began to cool.  You scratched and scratched, and scratched some more until it finally, finally disappeared.  By the time you eventually stopped, your skin was stinging, and your fingers were cramping.  But the little ball of heat was gone, and that was all that mattered.

There was a gentle knock on the door as you speedily pulled your tights back up, wincing as they brushed against your newly tender skin.

Your Aunty Leah popped her head in through the door, “Bun, do you want a snack? I got some blueberry muffins from the bakery…”

“Oh… um, yeah, I’ll be right down, just getting that paper out of my hair,” you mumbled, quickly running your fingers through the ends of your messy blonde mane.

“Alright, I’ll pop them in the microwave to warm them up,” she replied before heading back downstairs to do so.

As you heard her footsteps fade away, you turned around and pulled your tights down again, trying with all your might not to release a pained noise as the fabric ripped away from your newly raw skin.  The area you’d scratched was an angry red colour and the skin seemed wet, but there was no blood, which whilst a relief, made no sense to you.

Not wanting to keep your Aunty waiting, you hastily pulled your tights the rest of the way off and threw them in your laundry hamper.  The house was warm enough, but you decided to grab your soft little blanket that had purple and grey clouds, as well as the book on football you had been reading and the little notebook you’d been making notes in (and Arthur of course), and head downstairs.

“Perfect timing Bun, just took them out of the microwave.  Do you want a drink?”

“I’m okay.  Thank you, Aunty Leah, this looks lovely” you replied, climbing up onto a stool in front of the kitchen bench where a little plate with a yummy looking blueberry muffin sat.

“Well, we all know the kitchen is Aunty Lessi’s domain.  That woman can cook like a dream!  But I’m not too shabby at picking out a good pastry.  I guess you could say bread and bread-adjacent foods are my domain,” she teased.

You giggled as you tucked into your muffin, appreciating your Aunty Leah’s silly jokes about how bad at cooking she was and how limited the range of foods she ate was.  Your extended family often seemed to tease her a bit about being a picky eater and she would usually laugh it off or join in on the joke.  But you knew it was something she was actually a bit self-conscious about. 

A few days into your stay here you’d gone to the fridge to grab some milk for your cereal and had accidentally knocked a container off a shelf.  As you bent down to pick it up, you noticed a little letter stuck to the lid that read “Leah, my love, it’s okay if you can’t eat this.  I know you tried and I’m proud of you.  Please just make sure you eat something or at least have a protein smoothie.  For you and for ‘L’.  Love you – xx Less.”  You’d immediately felt guilty for reading it as you rushed to put it back on the shelf, knowing you’d intruded on a bit of your Auntie’s privacy.  You’d seen a few similar little notes stuck to containers since then.  At the time you’d been very confused about what “for you and for ‘L’” meant, but you had since figured out it meant ‘for you and for Lemonade’. 

When you finished your muffin, you wriggled off the stool and headed over to place your plate in the dishwasher.

“Are you done with your plate too, Aunty Leah?” you offered.

“Oh, thanks sweetie, you didn’t have to do that,” she replied as she passed you her plate with a smile.  “Feel free to watch something on the telly if you want.  I’ve got a bit of boring adult housework stuff to catch up on before Aunty Lessi gets home.”

“Is there anything you need help with?” you asked.

“No, no.  I’ve just got to do a couple of loads of laundry and there’s no way I would make you deal with Aunty Lessi’s gross smelly training socks!  It’s bad enough poor little Lemonade is stuck with me and can’t escape from it,” she laughed, jokingly shielding her belly from the smell.

“Is it okay if I just read in the loungeroom?” you asked.

“Of course it is!  Just remember if your head starts to hurt or you’re feeling too tired or anything, to have a rest, yeah?” she smiled at you, stroking her fingers affectionately through your hair.

“I will, thank you.”

So, you made yourself comfortable in a little spot on the loungeroom floor, surrounded by a couple of cushions, the blanket you’d brought down from your room and, of course, Arthur.  Soon you were laying on your belly, nose deep in the book and jotting down notes in your notebook all about what a penalty shootout was and what circumstances led to one.  You drew a little picture of the goal and the line markings and where the goalie had to stand and where the other players had to stand, before turning back to the book to read about in-game penalties when slowly but suddenly you… were… asleep.

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your Auntie’s bed to the smell of your Aunty Lessi’s lasagna.

The realisation hit you like a hundred bolts of lightning.

You’d slept in someone else bed.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Bad things happen when you sleep in someone else’s bed.

The last time you’d slept in someone else’s bed, your house burned down, and your Mummy and Daddy had died.

You jumped out of the bed as though it was burning you, panic rattling all through your little body.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your right hand began hitting at the side of your head before you even knew it was happening.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your other hand clawed at the skin of your neck, scratching determinedly at the tender skin there.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

You tried so hard to stop them, but your feet began to stomp loudly, your whole body seemingly moving with a mind of its own.  Everything around you seemed like it was spinning.  You thought you could smell smoke and when your eyes began to water you weren’t sure if it was because you were crying or if it was because there was actually smoke. 

You vaguely heard a commotion and saw the door swing open, but everything around you continued to spin making you feel like throwing up.  You couldn’t throw up in your Auntie’s bedroom!

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

“Bunny?  Sweetie, what’s going on?”

You could hear your Aunty Lessi’s voice and feel her presence, but the only word you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

The word kept falling from your lips and you continued to stomp and hit and scratch.

“Okay, Bun.  I’m going pick you up so you stop hurting yourself sweetie.  I need to make you nice and safe, alright?”

Again, you heard your Aunty but all you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

Carefully you felt your Aunty wrap her arms around you, trapping your arms and lifting you off the ground.  You struggled as your body fought to keep hitting and scratching and stomping, but she gently tugged your hands away from your neck and head, tucking them tightly against her chest.

“You’re okay, lovely.  You’re safe, I promise.  It’s just you, me and Aunty Leah here okay.  Nothing bad is going to happen alright?  We’re safe.  You’re safe.  Everything’s okay…”

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“What do you mean by bad, Bun?” Aunty Lessi asked.

You shook your head, unable to explain yourself.  All you could say was “bad.”

“Oh sweetie, you haven’t done anything bad.  You’re not in any kind of trouble.  I promise.  And nothing bad is going to happen either, okay?” she whispered.

You began to slowly unclench in her arms, comforted by the soothing way she was swaying gently.  Eventually you opened your eyes to see your Aunty Leah standing in the doorway watching on, her face red and blotchy as though she’d been crying.

You immediately came back into your body, realising whatever you’d just done had upset your Aunty Leah.  You tried to wriggle slightly to free yourself from your Aunty Lessi’s grip, but she tightened her hold.

“Not yet sweetie.  I need to what’s going on?  What happened?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed with you in her lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.  I didn’t mean to be bad and upset Aunty Leah.  I’m so sorry.  I promise I’ll be good.  I promise.”

“Darling, you didn’t upset me” your Aunty Leah assured you as she came over to sit next to Aunty Lessi on the bed.

“But your face is blotchy like you’ve been crying” you replied, your Aunty Lessi finally loosening her grip on her as your reached toward Aunty Leah.

“Well, it’s because I have been, but it’s not because you upset me.  I’m just worried about you is all.  Why were you hurting yourself?” she asked, taking your hand in hers.

“I just had to.  I don’t know.  I just did.  I was bad.”  You jumped off Aunty Lessi’s lap and started pacing on the floor in front of her and Aunty Leah.   “I woke up in this bed and I had no idea why I was in your bed and all I could think was ‘bad’ and I just did it without realising.”

“I washed your sheets and they’re in the dryer.  So, when you fell asleep on the loungeroom floor, I just put you in here for your nap.  I didn’t mean for it to upset you so much, sweetie,” Aunty Leah explained, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

“You didn’t upset me, I just I don’t want you and Aunty Lessi and Lemonade to die too!”

You heard your Aunties gasp at your explanation, but you just kept pacing, trying to figure out a way to stop the inevitable from happening.

“Bunny, oh my goodness, why would Aunty Leah and Lemonade and I die because you had a nap in our bed?”

“Because that’s what happened when I slept in Mummy and Daddy’s bed!”

You watched as your Aunties exchanged a series of looks.  The seemed confused and shocked, which was confusing and shocking to you, because it all seemed so obvious.

“Darling, your Mummy and Daddy didn’t die because you slept in their bed,” Aunty Leah tried to tell you.

“Yes, they did!  They did.  They DID!  I know they did!  It’s the only thing different I did that night from all the other nights.  I had done so so good all summer getting into my big girl routine and kept it up really well for the first couple of weeks of school.  But then… then I slipped up, and I was bad and I asked to sleep in bed with Mummy and Daddy that night.  And and th- the fire happened.  And if I had of been in my own room, I could have got myself out.  Because we’d practiced.  Daddy made sure we practiced.  And and and then… then Da-Daddy wouldn’t have needed to get me out and he could have helped Mummy because of her leg.  And they could have got out too.  But I was bad.  I slept in a bed that wasn’t mine.  When I should have just slept in my own bed, like a good girl.  Like a big girl.  And now they’re dead.  They’re both dead.  And it’s my fault.  And now what if you die too!?”

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Seeing all this stuff on Cat König and Horangi being complete assholes just makes me wonder how they’d act if they saw their caretaker just..genuinely upset..like when they’d usually be yelling at König for eating all the food or at Horangi for being a little destructive goblin their just nowhere to be found, and of course they get confused because come on..the person who’s always yelling just goes silent out of nowhere? So when they look for them they find them just in their bed, completely covered up, not moving, and that just makes me wonder how they’d react, would König go for the sit on them till they suffocate and have to move..Horangi with the constant baps..or would they actually try to give them little head buts or just lay by them? I don’t know it just seems like an interesting scenario to me ever since I kept seeing all this stuff on this topic.

I think Horangi would be the first to notice, but König would be the first to actually check on the reader. Not that Horangi doesn't care, it's just when he notices what's going on he feels so bad that he doesn't know what to do. When König notices, he makes a plan.

König would be eerily silent. Normally he's so anxious that he always has his claws out, making little tippy taps as he scurries about. For this one moment, he's calm and prepared.

He ever so gently lays down beside you as close as he can to you. Maybe he might lay on you if he thinks that would be good for you, but I see him more as the type to lay down by your side and lay his chin on his paws. He'll swish his tail over top of you and press in close.

It takes a second for you to notice. At first, you're too miserable to move, but you remember your therapist told you to pet animals when you're distressed, so you figure you might as well.

As soon as you start petting König he lets out the most glorious purr. For a cat with such pathetic crackly mews, the purr he lets out is so deep and rich you'd think he was replaced by a fake. He rolls into you and burrows into your arms. He tries to rub his face against yours and tries to pull you in close to his side.

As soon as Horangi notices that König hasn't been punted to the other side of the room, and rather that König's actually helping, he's in on it too.

He comes up to your other side and curls around you too. He's purring too, bright and comfortable. He's a bit more playful and energetic in his affections. He's rolling over to let you scratch his belly, but then he grabs you with soft paws and licks your hand. He's a giant sweetheart about it all. Unlike König, who's all snugggles, Horangi likes to lick your fingers, hands, your face if he can get close enough.

If König isn't there to give Horangi the ques, it takes him a bit longer to figure out that he needs to get out of his own head and help out. He's scared to reach out. You can't blame him. I know you might want to, but he's scared to make it worse.

He can't leave you to suffer forever though. It isn't that long before he's trepiditiously padding over to your side. He sits by your head and just watches nervously for a moment. He hesitates, but he does do the little nervous batting. He tries to get your attention as carefully as he can.

When you turn over, his heart breaks. If König were here, he'd know what to do. Horangi tries his best to figure out what he can do.

Soon, he's pulling a König move, something Horangi never does. Horangi's an independent cat. He doesn't like being picked up, he doesn't like being held. You can hold König upside down, but Horangi doesn't really like to be touched too often.

When you're sad and broken, he pushes all his pride aside and crawls up to sit on you. He's not a crushing weight like König, he's just a warm little blanket. He sits on top of you and he purrs.

It doesn't make everything go away, but feeling Horangi reach out to you first, it melts your heart. You can't help but smile when you reach up a hand and Horangi shoves his face into your palm. He's desperate to see you smile just a little bit more.

Both cat hybrids genuinely care about you. They can be menaces, but they're good men. They love their owner (König a bit more possessively than Horangi) and both of them want to see their owner happy. They'll do what they can to make you smile when you're feeling down, no matter what.

[hoonieyun]

collecting tears - jongseong

jar of tears that were shed for jongseong

park jongseong x reader "y/n"

genre: angst, breakup, the one that got away

warnings: profanity, mental illness/depression, overall 18+

summary: no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get jongseong out of your head. two years after your tear filled and emotional breakup, he's still on your mind but it seems he hasn't thought about you since that night.

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier olivia rodrigo - happier word count: 2007

text in italics are flashbacks

You saw him in everything. 

You saw him in the way your glasses reflected the light as it sat on your vanity.

You saw him in the way your guitar collected dust in the corner of your bedroom. 

And you saw him in your reflection as you stared at your tear stained face and dark circles under your eyes. 

The memory of Jongseong that you held onto hurt more than the idea of being without him, because being without him only led to the memories of when you were with him, something that no longer exists in your life. 

Jongseong. 

The events of your tear filled and emotional breakup replays in your mind often, Jongseong’s tired face and the broken picture frame scattered into thousands of pieces in your bedroom. You could hear the argument in your head like it was playing through a speaker that followed you wherever you went. The last words you ever spoke to him ringing in your ears as a constant reminder that your inability to process your emotions and failure to stabilize your mind was the reason you were so lonely, even two whole years after your breakup. 

It’s a gloomy afternoon in the middle of September. The weather foreshadows the inevitable dreary, dull, and dark outcome of what your life would be for years to come. You had been in bed all day, crippled by your anxiety and depression, making it difficult for you to make any rational decisions or clear judgement of what you should be doing. 

Your phone fills with unanswered calls and texts that would remain unanswered until you convinced yourself enough that you weren’t a burden to others. Something that you wouldn’t be able to shake off for almost half a year from today. A feeling that still lingers and creeps up onto you every now and then. 

“Honey?” a voice asks from beyond the darkness of your bedroom. You quickly wiped away your tears and did your best to make it seem like you weren’t crying the whole day. Pulling yourself up and dragging the blanket further up your body to cover yourself as if your boyfriend, Jongseong, was anyone you should be hiding away from. His tenderness and soft demeanor was the first thing that attracted you towards him, his good looks was just a plus. 

“Honey, are you still sleeping?” Jongseong asks as he slowly pushes the door of your bedroom open, a slight creak sounding from the hinges as light emerges from the other side of the door, Jongseong’s silhouette outlined by the light. “Hi… No, i’ve just been in bed. Doing some thinking…” you say, trying to avoid the fact that you were just crying and hoping that he doesn’t notice as he makes his way closer. 

Your bed dips as Jongseong takes a seat next to your figure, still hiding under the blanket. It goes without being said but Jongseong knew you all too well.

He knew when you were really happy over fake happy because true joy spreads across your face when your eyes widen and you blink a thousan times, like you were trying your best to contain your joy but ultimately failing. 

He knew when you were upset because you would sniffle your nose as a way to avoid awkward silence or having to voice out your feelings. 

And he knew when you were sad because you’d rather surround yourself in the comfort of the darkness instead of reaching out to the hand that could pull you away from the dark. Much like how you were right now. 

Jongseong would’ve never abandoned you. He vowed that he would always be by your side no matter what, had you let him. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he asks, already knowing the answer but he’s made it a habit to encourage you to vocalize your feelings so that it would be easier for you to process them. You only hummed in response but you knew that you should’ve told him how you felt in that moment because it only manifested into something worse. 

He sighs at your response, he would be lying if he said that sometimes he wished it was easier, but what was love if it didn’t have some ups and downs. Jongseong just hoped that it was up more than it was down. You scoff at him. Your anxiety was already talking you closer to a ledge and you didn’t need this from him right now. You were convinced that he only came here to make you more upset and the voices validated that outrageous claim over the evidence that Jongseong only had love for you. 

“You don’t need to be here. You can leave.” your harsh words piercing into Jongseong’s heart, a feeling of guilt over hurt as he had hoped his presence alone would be enough to make you feel better but it only made you feel worse and he didn’t know why. 

“Why would I leave? I want to be here, let me take care of you.” Jongseong says, inching closer to you but you quickly recoil away from, widening the distance like your mattress was meters long. “What’s wrong? Y/N, talk to me…” Jongseong urges but his pleas of wanting to be let in only read as judgement. Like he was judging you for the way you were instead of trying to understand you. Your mind forces a lie for you to believe over the truth, that Jongseong loved you and he wished you knew how much he did. 

He loved you more than anxiety loved to cling onto the smallest piece of doubt in your mind. 

He loved you more than you loved the darkness. 

And he loved you more than words could say but no amount of words could ever tell you that. 

“Just leave, I don’t need you here to think I’m someone to take care of and be seen as a burden!” you say, voice now a bit louder as frustration begins to build inside of you. “Honey, you’re not a burden and I’d never treat you like that.” Jongseong says as he settles his hand over your thigh, rubbing it softly over the blanket. 

“Why do you do that? Huh?!” you ask, scattering away from his touch and dragging yourself out of bed to stand in front of him. 

“You think you can just come in here and act like I’m some poor and unfortunate thing that needs to be fixed or that needs to be looked after. I know you see me as a burden Jongseong, you just don’t want to say it because you’d rather convince yourself that you love me instead of facing the truth. 

What did you even come here for? To make sure that I wasn’t doing well? So you could come and swoop in to save the day? You see me as nothing more than just a sick puppy to take care of. You’ve only stayed as long as you have because you pity me more than you love me.” the words just continue to spill out of you. the voices inside of your head had fully convinced you that everything you were saying was the truth and you were only just helping Jongseong face it. 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He loved you more than anything and he couldn’t process the fact that you only saw him as someone that pitied you over someone that truly loves you. Because he did. He loved you… or was he starting to believe that what you were saying was in fact the truth. 

“How could you say that?” Jongseong says, voice low and discouraged. Great, now you had upset him and intead of focusing on yourself you now had to worry about your boyfriend’s feelings. 

“I- You know what. We’re done. Get out.” your voice was dull but it stabbed Jongseong’s heart like it was nothing. “What?” he says in disbelief and you don’t even give him time to process as you're grabbing his wrists and doing your best to drag him out of your apartment. His body was heavy as he tried to stop you but there was something, aside from you, pulling Jongseong out of your apartment and away from you. 

Was it wrong to say that maybe there was a small chance he had been waiting for you to push him away? That he had been secretly hoping you would finally get tired of him so that he no longer had to deal with you? Was that so wrong for him to want to be happy in the chance that it meant not being happy with you?

As he pondered these questions, the slam of your front door knocked him out of his thoughts, eyes glued onto the brown paint of the front door. Jongseong contimplated to knock on the door, beg for him to be let in, but he chooses not. Dropping his hand to his side with a sigh as he turns on his heel and walks away from your apartment. 

And ultimately walking away from you, forever. 

You, on the other hand, waited on the other side of the door, tears welling in your eyes the longer you waited for Jongseong to try and make his way back in. Hoping that you would hear his voice that you loved so much, ask for you to open the door so he could take care of you. 

Because maybe, even if you thought you didn’t need it, you did need to be taken care of. And Jongseong was the person who had done that for as long as you could remember. 

But the longer you waited the more sadness and regret filtered out the insecurity and doubt. Leaving you to stand in your home, alone, and never to see Jongseong again. 

You drag yourself back into your bedroom, flickering the light on and the first thing your eyes fall to is the framed photo of you and Jongseong. The photo was of the day he asked you to be his girlfriend. A photo of you sitting in the middle of a field for a picnic that he had planned. Flowers and your favorite food and snacks sitting next to the both of you on the picnic blanket. 

The anger you felt from the photo surged throughout your body and without even thinking you swipe the photo off your vanity, tears flowing from your eyes as it crashes to the floor into thousands of pieces. 

You would have hoped that two years after your breakup that you would’ve gotten better and gotten over him, but you fell back into the cycle of shrouding in darkness when a photo of Jongseong appears on your SNS. 

He’s smiling, hair done in the way you liked, in a suit that made him look like a prince, and an arm around the waist of a girl you didn’t know. Your eyes trailed over from his arms, to her waist, to her arm, and then to the ring on her finger. 

It felt like your heart shattered in that moment. Like you were offended and hurt that Jongseong would ever choose another girl over you as if you gave him a choice like you hadn’t made that choice for him. 

More tears well in your eyes as you glance over to Jongseong again. His smile was so beautiful and that was when you realized you had never seen him smile like that when he was with you. He seemed so happy and it hurt even more knowing that he was happy without you. 

But there was no one to blame but you. 

You forced him away and what a waste of a life for Jongseong to never choose happiness. 

You only ever wished that he would be happy. 

Just as long as he’s not happier without you. 

Maybe in another life. When you weren’t so convinced that everyone hated you and that you were deserving of Jongseong’s love. 

Maybe in another life. 

copyright 2024 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved

all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

the credit for the lyrics used in this piece of writing go to their rightful owners

[lurkingshan]

Every You, Every Me

Story 4 (Part 2)

Picking up from where we left off.

Man, you should NEVER butt into a harassment situation without actually knowing what is going on. I would have left, too.

Sad, though, I was hoping for more sex and dick jokes instead of drama.

This plot has taken a weird turn. And kind of a boring one tbh. I don't really care about this Phukan drawing credit conflict. Let's get back to what we're here for, please.

Thank you, show 🙏🏻

Ope, James from the flashbacks is indeed an ex. He looked so uncomfortable at that marriage proposal? Weird vibe since it seems they didn't actually break up, but perhaps just a weak acting moment.

I love it when romance shows remind us it's fine and normal to have significant past relationships and people can love more than one person in their life and there's no need to be weird about it.

Okay that said this love confession and "I can't live without you" feels pretty fast for these two.

This shot through the shower curtain is strange, it's making Sian look like a ghost.

Hell yeah, rip the towel off! I love that we keep seeing shots of those painted blue nails.

Sian looks gorgeous in the window in that morning light.

Oh no he's singing... okay it's not nearly as bad as a lot Thai drama singing, I survived.

Cuuuuute montage during that song.

It must be said though that "you're my favorite musical note/you're my favorite work of art" are such cheesy lines.

Hahahaha little brother you really need to start knocking.

HEY THEY ARE MONTAGING ACROSS THE STORIES ALL OF A SUDDEN

OMG @twig-tea was right!!!! They are actors making a series of BLs yasssssssssssss

"You and Your Beautiful Soul" is the show they're currently making.

Is this breakup scene yet another BL, or the real guys?? OMG

New names Pun and Inn (which matches with the previous brief glimpse of BTS). I think these are the actual actors who have been playing all these other characters.

FIAT IS BACK

YEP, they showed up to set upset from their breakup.

"You're not me, you don't understand." WTF that line is the same as in the breakup we just watched.

Oh, so they breakup and make up frequently.

Who is this sassy tall man 👀

Ope, and next week we seem to be staying with this story of the actors instead of changing up again. This has been the real narrative all along, and it tracks well with the stuff I noted in my binge watch--the changing names, the performances getting better as the episodes go on, the way the physical intimacy differed so much and built to be stronger across each story. All of that makes perfect sense if they're an actor pair working together across multiple shows and getting more seasoned and comfortable as they go. Such a smart concept. I'm curious if we'll learn when they started dating and about the arc of some of those previous breakup and makeups against their BLs. I hope so!

[yandere-fics]

♡ Jaguar Hybrid Abigail And Her Darling Sister ♡

Hybrids weren't very nurturing to their young, especially the young that seemed any level of skilled in combat so of course you had not seen your sister since you were very young, Abigail had kicked the asses of every single member of your pack before being sent out in to the wild so she couldn't dream of challenging the pack leader and although it had devastated you since you'd been abnormally attached to her, it was just the way the world worked, beyond that family couldn't stay together forever, both of you would have split up either way to go find mates of your own one day, like you found yourself doing now. You'd come of age so it was your turn to leave, never to return, this would have been sadder if there had been anyone in the pack you truly cared about but your main focus really was just Abigail and with her having been gone for years it had been somewhat easy to leave though you were somewhat frightened. You weren't the most jaguar like in your pack, that had once again been Abigail, she was an excellent hunter and moved and killed with such precision, you likely wouldn't last long if you didn't find a mate of your own soon but you really didn't get along with other jaguar hybrids, they were too pushy, when your big sister did it, it was charming but when others did it you just felt unsafe. You didn't have to be outside alone for too long though because the moment you closed your eyes to sleep that night you felt someone settle in besides you, their bulky arms holding you close as you tried not to panic and upset whoever it was.

"Sweetheart, go back to sleep." They grumbled and you sighed a breath of relief as you recognized the voice and smell, your sister was here to protect you, you'd have more time to be careful about who you selected as a mate now since you wouldn't be completely alone and she'd be able to ward off anyone unsuitable. You weren't sure if she had already found her own mate, the thought made you somewhat sad, or how on earth someone like her hadn't found anyone already but that was a concern for the morning so you allowed yourself to drift off to sleep in her arms, unaware of the tongue bath she gave you in your sleep to ward off unwanted suitors.

"Good morning Abby!" You turned around in her arms to poke her face causing her to grumble, her grip tightening. "Come on, we have to get up!"

"Sweetheart, you need rest, this is barely your second day after leaving home." How did she know that? You hadn't left on your birthday like most did, you left a few weeks later, she wouldn't have known unless she'd been in the area when it happened or something but you didn't know why she would just lurk around where your pack lived. Well that really didn't matter, even if she had been lurking, she was kind, you highly doubt she would have done it for weird reasons.

"You should let me help, since you don't have a mate yet to cook for you after you hunt." She let out a grumble when you said that, stretching and finally standing up. You assumed she didn't like being reminded she had no mate. Her muscles had gotten bigger in the years you hadn't seen her, she'd likely be able to take over any pack she chose at this point. Her future mate was very lucky, you'd have to try hard not to be a burden to her while she was likely still trying to find a mate.

"I'll go hunt and you will stay right here in this exact spot. I'll know if you wandered even an inch from our camp." You nodded, trying to set up a better campfire than the makeshift one you set up last night before she sighed and came over to do that for you as well. "You don't need to cook, my precious kitten shouldn't be around dangerous things, just stay still and wait for me." She said something else but you hadn't hear it.

Hunts were long and while you really did want to sit still and wait you couldn't help but feel a bit bored, in the pack you'd play with the younger hybrids and keep them entertained but there was nothing to do in the small area she said you were allowed to roam, until you heard someone talking to you from the bush.

"Heyyy, was that your mattte?" A head peeked out, a naga, you let out a reflexive hiss, you'd been warned before leaving to never ever agree to be one of their mates because they were dangerous and mean. They were mate snatchers and if one happened to take you or your mate you were never likely going to get them back, you never really believed that to be true but you still felt uneasy around the creature.

"N-no, that was my sister, we're traveling together." You backed further into the camp as the person slithered closer before backing up a little at your discomfort.

"Oh goodddd, you aren't mateddd. I wanted to courtttt you but us naga have a rule against taking those with matesss." You'd never heard that, actually what you'd heard had been the exact opposite but maybe your pack had their facts wrong or maybe this one was just different. You couldn't help but feel swayed at their words. "Don'ttt you wanttt to come with meee? I'll be nicceeee to youuuu."

You nodded your head, slowly following them out of the encampment before you heard a roar and Abigail was there in seconds, ripping the creatures head off, the trance you were under breaking.

"Damnit, if I had known a naga was trying to move in here I wouldn't have left you alone. Damn mate stealers. Are you alright sweetheart?" You nodded timidly, trying not to look at the creature. You had thought it would be nice to travel with Abigail for awhile but you didn't want her to have to worry about you on top of whatever mate she found. This only cemented in your head you needed to go find your own mate soon.

"Abby? Maybe I should leave." You heard a loud growl, she pulled you into her arms tightly, her teeth sinking into your neck in a second.

"Sweetheart, I'm not letting you leave. Get that into your head right now." The mark was already healing like nothing ever happened. Honestly you weren't entirely sure what had happened but you think she just marked you as her mate? That had to be wrong though.

"Did you?-" She cut you off.

"Yes I did mark you as my mate, sweetheart, need more proof you're staying with me?" She took you hand, guiding it to the thin trousers she wore, she was fully erect and when you hand touched it, it pulsed in your hand. Oh. So that was why she hadn't found a mate since you left. Well that was actually perfect, there was no hybrid stronger than your sister anyways.

[isaaagloom]

BEEN SOOOO INACTIVE ON TUMBLR BC OF THE NEW SEASON AND AARRGGRGRGRHDN (obvious warning for spoilers!!!! s2 act1)

ive rewatched the breakup scene 14 times in total i think. this is terrible.

in that time ive noticed things about it that just make it SO much more sad OH MY GOD I HATW THEMMMMM.

i really like how even with how upset jayce is with viktor, he never once talks over him!!! like he was so so focused on hearing everything viktor said:(( this isn’t limited to just the breakup scene, basically every jayvik focused scene is like this!!! jayce always seems so focused on everything viktor says, even small things like how hes feeling. DO WE REMEMBER THE UNCHARTED WATERS SCENE???

two, its obvious that now, coming back, viktor has a very different attitude towards everything. he seems tired, a lot quieter, and even less energetic than s1.. somehow. but he still makes an effort to look up at jayce / look jayce in the eye when he’s saying things!!! when he’s explaining how he’s not exactly cold, just feeling like something’s uncomfortable, he still looks at him in the eyes as hes talking

i really hate pointing out the obvious on rant posts like these but ARGRGGG the whole point of their “breakup” was that they were at colliding points. viktor had spent basically all of s1 working on hextech and risking his life honestly just to help jayce and keep working, there was no reason for viktor to keep doing that other than that he loved jayce. and now in s2, jayce is ready to give up the council just to help viktor. this was clearly a last minute decision, something he realized he needed to do only after the hexcore bonded itself to viktor to save him!! sure it was done out of love and affection to viktor and wanting to help him, but it was only done when things hit rock bottom for viktor (almost dying from jinxs council bomb)

may be reaching but i saw someone say that viktor and jayce were mirroring judas and jesus and that theres some kind of religious symbolism there (there DEFINITELY is with viktor, but idk if its a reach to say that with viktor and jayce)

ok rant post over!!!!!!!! i may reblog this in a few days or whenever act2 comes out and we get more jayvik content ^_^

[karlachismylife]

Soap for the character ask game plz :)

Do I really need a reason to yap about him? Nah, but I'll take it, thanks :)

If anyone else is interested, I'll be glad to talk about someone else from COD and BG3. The game itself is here if someone wants to reblog!

So. John "Soap" MacTavish.

favorite thing about them

Is "everything" a good enough answer? No? Damn. I guess I'll have to go with his passion. I can tie that to his ADHD, I can tie that to the fact that he's sunshine (and sun burns hot and flares), it doesn't matter - his emotions are bright, run hot, he's impulsive and he feels so strong. I relate to that, I also just like everything bright and flashy. His anger, his loyalty, his sense of justice, his love - they are so big and strong they cannot be contained inside his heart no matter how huge it is. This is what makes him dangerous, this is what makes him vulnerable, this is what makes him so fucking lovable to me.

least favorite thing about them

The fact that he prefers coffee over tea (source: his VA). I'm sorry, I can't stand coffee, my throat literally closes up and stops breathing if I enter some coffee-smelling space and it's not something I can control well (I tried, I swear). So the knowledge that living with Soap would involve the apartment reeking of the forbidden drink, and even worse, kissing him might taste like coffee... it's heartbreaking. I'm training that man to drink tea whether he likes it or not, coffee doesn't do anything for ADHDers anyway.

favorite line

I mean. I feel like using any of Ghoap batner here would be cheating cuz it is very much the best thing ever and also they're bouncing off each other. So I'll go with "Kids, guns and balloons. That's a new one."

It's at the start in Las Almas. I love listening to Soap in general, I love all the Scott-isms he has (even though it seems actual Scottish didn't appreciate those too much), I obviously love the funny lines he has or when he gets angry. But this one just stuck with me. Probably not because it's a Soap line, but because it's a sad line in general (and hits a little too close to home in the current situation).

But also I feel like it's kinda. The fact that I, a 22yo civilian am not actually surprised to see that "kids, guns and balloons" situation (although I am so fortunate to not be witnessing that directly), and Soap, a 26 (I think?) yo SAS Sergeant who ran off to enlist at 15-16 is. It says something about how he views the world, doesn't it? He lacks that cynicism. I've seen people say that veiwing him as a "happy go lucky" guy is incorrect, but I dunno, man. I think if someone who kills people for his job is surprised to see kids involved into crime+politics games, then he's a pretty damn optimistic lad that believes in the good in the world.

brOTP

Soap and Alejandro. There's just something so smooth, straightforward and inherently good about just two men coming to fight for what's right. Also nothing is funnier than Soap's constant cultural shock in Las Almas and Alejandro just chuckling at every silly question Johnny asks. Big brother Alejandro go go go!

OTP

Karlach x Soap for life, everything else is secondary.

nOTP

I reject the concept of nOTP, even the least likely/adhering to my tastes ships are at least interesting to explore. However, I am not a big fan of toxic relationships and such, so something like Soap x Makarov or Soap x Graves would be interesting to look at, but probably upsetting.

random headcanon

He likes the pink Orbit bubblegum, the one that comes in little stripes. His dad used to bring those at the end of the work week, sometimes unopened, sometimes with just a couple pieces left, and Soap stashed them away in his pillow case when he had the willpower not to eat them all at once. His old pillow in his childhood bedroom still smells like bubblegum.

absolutely based on my own life

unpopular opinion

I don't know what's popular to say what's unpopular. But maybe the fact that I think that Soap isn't like a total horndog 24/7? I still think he is pretty horny, more than an average person, but I also think that he's more tactile than anything and that even when he gets a random boner or just is hot and bothered, he can be satisfied with non-sexual touch. But he does not respond well to touch starvation, oh no.

song i associate with them

I am so bad at assosiating songs with characters/ships etc :( I'll be boring and repeat myself for the third time: Ren's "Loco"

favorite picture of them

That comission of him and Karlach I got, duh

But if we're talking ingame, nothing beats him being pretty and doing puppy eyes in that Milena interrogation scene. That hand reaching scene alone has me by the throat.

Thank you for asking about him!! Love youu <3

[novaazurite]

Making my grand return after 3 weeks of inactivity! (Though I may not be active all the time) Lets talk about TPOT 14!

While I did enjoy this episode a lot, the only downside I have with it is how it was a little too fast paced, I can handle that for BFDIA, but I think knowing how TPOT usually is maybe it was a little offputting, I might need to do a rewatch, but I remember a lot from the episode so im still goin with this post.

So with that said...lets start the ramble session!

So I just want to point out how Pencil is clearly living in the past on how obsessed she is to desprately reform FreeSmart by getting Book and Ice Cube, idk why it just feels funny and weird, you can clearly tell how uncomfortable they were in this and last episode that they want nothing to do with her, whatever the hell she did to them in IDFB (im still having thoughts the 'FreeSmart downfall' is gonna hppen in IDFB with Match being the first to leave the LOL.)

Ill admit the shot of the new TCOA was pretty cool, I like it when they implement 3d things into BFDI

Now... onto the CAS. I freaked out so bad in vc when I saw Pin and Ice Cube safe, ik Taggy and Book was gonna be safe so i didnt worry, but felt like Pin was in danger because she couldnt do much being stuck to Gaty, I thought Icy was gonna be out because she was used just to try and kill the fish monster, she couldnt really do much. But OH MY GOD.

I FUCKING GOT IT RIGHT. FOR A WHILE I HAD A FEELING ERASER AND GATY WAS GONNA BE OUT. Ill be honest Eraser didnt have much going on anymore because of Teardrop being eliminated in TPOT 9, so what else did he have left? I dont know exactly, I really had expected him getting out. Now TREE? I didnt expect him to be in the bottom 2, I thought he would be third to last safe, Pin and Gaty being bottom two because both of them didnt do much but be stabbed and used as a weapon by Robot Flower. As much as I love Gaty, I had a feeling she was gonna be out, and finding out I was right about her and Eraser being out made me insanely shocked. The first time I ever got a TPOT prediction right, though I thought One was gonna immediately snatch them up soon after, but good thing Book took notice of it and try to have and her, alongside Pin try to keep Gaty safe. While the others threw Eraser around basically.

Now im glad we got to see the elimination space again, and seeing the others are trying to escape, Fries and Puffball trying to break what seems to be a barrier? Also I noticed Saw, Nickel and Coiny are not there, ik they arent snatched by One but maybe theyre somewhere?

This genuinely made me sad, I had a really good feeling Two was gonna be upset about Gaty being out, I was definetly aware they couldnt bring themself to send her to the elimination space knowing how close she is to them, I didnt expect them to send her to kitchen, however, seeing the scene of One staring at her makes me feel like Two should had sent her there, Gaty is at risk of being snatched, which is gonna upset them even more or hell, send them into a panic, from what ive seen, they seem to brush off the fact Bell/Bomby/Barf Bag/Needle are missing, but what happens if Gaty disappears? Will they try to keep running the show? Theres a lot of predictions you can go off from.

I just wanna show this screenshot its so funny that Taggy is just staring at Book like this 😭😭😭

Glad to see Firey Jr again!

Its funny how DPYA tried to do the same thing from last episode trying to defeat that venus flytrap(?), like sure that would totally work again.

Kind of like how Pin thought doing this again was gonna work in BFDIA 15, LOL.

Closing out my post on the post credits scene, I kind of wonder where the other exitors went. I completely freaked out seeing Match end up in the Pillary Ruins, and this shot here is so cool like.... Knowing last episode we saw Firey and Leafy, are we gonna see more of the BFB contestants again? I wonder what they will have for the plot in future episodes...

And something tells me FreeSmart may reform again, knowing Match is with Ruby and Bubble, and apparently Pencil trying to get Ice Cube and Book back, though its not gonna happen.

[mmhawkes]

I haven’t seen the people I went to high school with since graduation. It’s been a long time. I don’t use Facebook or anything, and that’s really fine. But today I was thinking about some people I was fond of as a teen, and decided to google one or two of them. There was a girl who was always so nice, and we did theatre together, and I just really liked her. I think she went to Juilliard for dance. Turns out she died this past October. Cancer. I should not be this sad about someone I haven’t seen since I was seventeen.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 22 thoughts

this episode was SO good. it was funny, it was heartfelt, and it was entertaining. but- and i'm sure you fans who have seen the show before know- something happened that is making me cry.

yes, actual tears! boy, there must be some real serious astrology stuff going on in the world, for actual tears are down my cheeks, something that almost never happens to me in movie and film watching experiences, and this episode did it to me. i usually just get a bit misty and that's the extent of it- even in one breath! but man. apparently i have a weakness.

sigh. we shall get into it, like we do.

reading the episode description: it's loch ness monster-like creature time!! i’ve been eyeballing this episode for a while, it sounds really interesting. a lake trip!! a trip to the lake!! 

we begin, and it is frog time!!! time for a frog!!! an endangered frog!!! dr. farraday is fighting for their rights. oh, he just used the term “frog holocaust” in his talk to this dr. bailey fellow, which is something. serious frog beef going down between these professors, for dr. bailey does not think that dr. farraday's research proves that humans are responsible for the fate of the frogs! how infuriating.

dr. bailey is going back to his car but lost “his beeper” so he’s looking by the lake for it. OH! his beeper meant a pager. i know what a pager is!!!! do not think i am uneducated!!! just never heard it called as such.

he finds the beeper but he is EATEN. by a BEAST!!! while a frog watches. 

if only this was the fate that all people who deny the need to protect the environment met! eaten by a lake beast! how much more just this planet would be...

intro time. and the first time i watched an episode and i heard the theme i started laughing hysterically because i didn’t realize that noise was the x files theme; i had just thought it was a well-known spooky noise used in vines and stuff and then. everything clicked into place. and it was soooo funny. anyway.

road trip to georgia!!!! WITH THE DOGGY!!! mulder calls it “a thing” SO RUDE????

“you wake me up on a saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother is out of town, all of the dog-sitters are booked, and you know how i feel about kennels” <- help i’m CRYINGGGGG tell him how you feel!!!!

(love that they have already had a conversation on the morality of kennels before)

((but also truly what did he expect 😭😭 and he did all this on a SATURDAY!!!! she ought to have been way meaner!!!))

so he made her leave town with the puppy on a SATURDAY for a missing person’s case… omg do they even get paid overtime???

also mulder is lost which is soooo funny because WHY is he perpetually behind the wheel... he doesn’t have any sense of direction!!!

he makes a stupid pun about the killer being “large” and she straight up asks what he’s leaving out LMAOOO

(he points to a billboard advertising “big blue, the southern serpent) <- “oh, tell me you’re not serious” LMAOOOO

so they’re going to talk to dr. farraday and i think it’s so cute that scully is in some more casual-y clothes. anyway, they’re going over the serious frog beef between him and the victim. farraday does NOT miss dr. bailey’s loser ass... ijbol!!! why should he give a damn for one man when so many species are going extinct!

farraday said “has anyone ever told you two you have a great problem coming to the point?” after mulder asks if any native species attacked humans... lmao he is rude as hell!!!

AND ASKING ABOUT BIG BLUE MADE THINGS WORSE!!! now farraday is going on about how if anything requires real thinking people turn to UFOs and whatnot which is like.... um okay rest assured that if someone is gonna think it’s gonna be mulder. he's gonna think about any and all explanations on a sliding scale of plausibility.

LMAO mulder is being sassy right back while scully screams with her eyes. farraday gets even more pissed and leaves… honestly i’m sorry about the frog population king, but you’re not really winning any friends with influence to help you lobby on behalf of the frogs. or winning any friends at all. 

so mulder and scully and the doggy go to a bait and tackle shop, and the sight of them sharing an umbrella with a dog on a leash healed something in me, something i didn’t know was in need of healing but it was. and they’re reciting the different creatures that live in lakes- apparently scully read about cryptids as a kid!!!! 

she says they’re folk tales and he says “well, how many folktales do you know that can eat a boy scout leader and a biologist?” and she looks soooo annoyed. but then they go in, and he is a proper gentleman and shakes off the umbrella 

at the shop they see a “scale from big blue” and scully says it looks like “a carapace, something from a beetle” which again reminds us that she WAS studying bugs in bio, thank you very much!!

they’re chatting with the dude that sold mulder a map, and he’s talking about his own experience with the creature while wearing a hat that says “show us your bobbers” which is crazy, but we keep going. he claims he heard a cow get eaten by big blue as a kid. and in walks an alleged expert, ansel… whose daddy’s cow was eaten way back then!

ansel is buying more film to someday achieve his dream of catching a picture of the beast and scully looks deeply pained in the background lmaoooo i love her 

someone is putting a worm on a hook in order to fish on the lake. a big one bites!!! a real big one. OH! it’s actually a human body. the fisherman goes and gets the dude from the tackle shop and by proxy our agents.

OH! there is only half a body. they’re bickering on what could have eaten half of a human body while hiding together under an umbrella, and it’s really cute but where is the dog?

the tackle shop man is out in the swampy part near the lake wearing dino-shaped boots to try and make some convincing tracks LMAO. king of the hustle. but something approached him as he gets stuck in the mud!!!! and he is dragged into the dark lake with only a dino boot left behind!

apparently his name was ted. rip ted and your bobber hat and funny boots.

mulder seems to believe that the tracks are legit and tells scully and the dog to watch where they’re walking as to not disturb them (and the dog is named queequeg i’m gonna CRY!!!) 

the sheriff is OFFENDED by mulder’s suggestion to close the lake, because clearly this is just a bunch of drunk people falling overboard!! and then getting run over!! well if that happens as frequently as you seem to think it does, we need to do something regardless of if any beasts are involved.

scully is not buying that the tracks are from a real creature because they did not leave very deep impressions. but the dog yanks her away!!! he’s off investigating the dino boot! the prints may be a hoax, but the blood on the shoe is very real!

cut to some stoners on the lake talking about hallucinogenic toads. he holds a local frog and licks it. but someone interrupts his toad licking session coming back to the surface from a scuba dive?

oh no!! scuba dude is pulled by some sort of creature!!! and his head is removed from his body. well that is not good.

time to locate the head. both of our agents are in fun little jackets, and still bickering over what went down.

ansel the big blue photographer is serenading his camera, preparing for the perfect shot, which he has set up by filling an inner tube with meat. something bubbles beneath it. BUT NO!! it skips the meat on the tube and goes right for him!!!!! he snaps a picture as it gets him!! three attacks in one day!!!!

mulder asks the sheriff again to CLOSE DOWN THE LAKE and he again refuses. scully says it’s inconclusive still, which is echoing the dr. bailey saying about the fate of the frogs being inconclusive!

the sheriff falls in, and out there he brushes into something big. he immediately proclaims that the lake shall be closed down, calls state police, AND wildlife fish and game. well okay that gets results i guess.

they’re examining the photos from ansel, and mulder things that this blurry thing COULD be a tooth. it is very funny.

AWWW the dog needs to go for a walk, and mulder offers to go with her :,) she lifts up her jacket to show her gun, says she’ll be fine, and smiles. STOP I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

why is this episode making me emotional with their little lake visit. also something bad is definitely going to happen now. she says goodnight :,)

aww the dog is MAD and she’s talking to him in that kind of voice you reserve for a little creature... but he wants to go into the woods!!

no!!! he runs too fast!!! NO!!!!! WHERE DID HE GO???? HE ISN’T ON THE LEASH????

NO. I CAN’T BEAR TO WATCH SCULLY LOSE HER DOG…. 

oh my gosh, she is sitting in the chair, holding his collar in grief…. she is literally spaced out into another dimension mourning her little friend and mulder is rambling about the lake…. i want to slap him… NOOOO. she asks him to repeat himself because she was so out of it…

(if this doesn’t end with a dog reunion i will drop this dumbass show. BET.)

mulder asks if she can drive a boat. psh can she drive a boat? it’s natural to her bloodline.

she is piloting the boat and he’s telling her where to go, and she’s braver than me because if i lost my dog at this moment i think i would need two weeks to begin to even SORT of get a grasp on reality. 

“i know the difference between expectation and hope. seek and ye shall find, scully” <- this is a genuinely fantastic line said by mulder, but i’m still in dog mourning so we can go analyze that later 

map facts with scully :)

until the monster comes STRAIGHT AT THEM!! i like how she kept asking “what is that, mulder?” because it reminded me of when she kept asking mulder to get the bugs off of her in darkness falls… like the blind hope/faith/desperation that he would hold the answers and have a solution… ohhhgghh

big crash into the boat!!! it is leaking and she picks up the radio and calls a distress signal (another natural feature to a scully) but the boat is FILLING with water!!

mulder gets some life jackets for them and they barely get them on in time as the boat sinks. whew! a conveniently placed rock for them to perch upon is nearby!!!

but there goes the $500 deposit :( 

mulder says to swim and she is GAGGED “in which direction?!” lmaoooo

mulder is unsettled by how dark it is, because you forget these things in a city… and scully says you forget a lot of things in a city; her father taught her to respect nature, because it has no respect for you. or your dog, i guess :(

they both pull out their guns as they hear splashing!!!! mulder whispers that it was big blue, but scully asks “so what if it was?” <- NOOO you took her dog and her deposit, you’ve broken her spirit!!!

mulder says he wants to know because it could revolutionize science, and so many of the things they chase are intangible, but it’s a creature within the confines of a lake, it should be right HERE- and she isn't buying it for a second

she says she saw HIS FUTURE in ansel’s photographs, a man listening only to himself and seeing nonsense; she can’t figure out his motives, and things are approaching angst levels on this rock in the middle of nowhere, but SOMETHING APPROACHES!!!!

it’s a duck. okay so it could be worse!!! he says he’s still tempted to fire and she slams into him LMAOOO 

sleepover on the rock. “hey scully, do you think you could ever cannibalize someone?” <- LDHDMDNSMDNSBBDNSND I’M GENUINELY YELLING LMAOOOOOOO HOLD ON. hold on i need a minute to handle all that. (she gives a thoughtful and scientific response) <- that’s Them. that is their dynamic right there.

“you’ve lost some weight recently, haven’t you?” “yeah i have, thanks for-“ (glare of realization) LMAOOOOOOOO WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE

“poor queequeg” she says, and i’m gonna CRY. but mulder has a better response now to her grief instead of just babbling on about the lake, asks why she chose that name. she shares that was the name of the harpoonist in moby dick, which her father used to read to her from.

and as she says this, she realizes how much mulder is like ahab, “so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be it’s inherent cruelties or it’s mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology” <- the words of a girl who was REALLY into a book as a kid and is also experiencing near-death levels of hypothermia and grief

LMAOOOOO HIS RESPONSE IS “scully, are you coming onto me?” yes. now kiss on the rock.

and she keeps going, talking about how his search for the Truth will take down everything he loves, just as it did for Ahab.

OH! he starts talking about how he always wished for a peg leg, even as a kid, and it first it seems like another of his many jokes but he says it’s because maybe then it’s enough to Persist despite the difficulty; without, “you’re actually expected to make something of your life- achieve something, earn a raise, wear a necktie” so perhaps he is the ANTITHESIS of ahab, for with a peg leg he may be more pleased! 

woah. that got deep. i’ll be gnawing on that one for a bit.

THEY BOTH QUOTE A LINE FROM THE BOOK AT THE SAME TIME... STOP I’M GONNA SOB?????

but a splashing approaches… and they draw their guns…. CUT TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!

it’s dr. farraday??? he says he hopes he’s not INTERRUPTING anything!!! wait so was the shore right there the whole time LMAOOO (silent walk of shame to the shore) BAHAHA

so what is this dude doing out here?? obviously it’s frog science! he’s been breeding the frogs to get their numbers back up. 

mulder is thinking…. if there are fewer frogs for a dinosaur to eat… it would have no choice but to turn to different food sources! (cutscene to serious arguing between mulder and dr. farraday whilst scully watches)

sheriff rolls up!!! another person had their arm bit off, and so he has thirty boats searching that area. but mulder says we have to search THIS cove, where the frogs have been going missing!! he blatantly refuses.

what if it was her little dog that bit the dude’s arm off…

scully politely asks for him to send a few men over and immediately gets results LMAOOO he quietly mumbles “thanks”

but a distant scream is heard!!! it’s dr. farraday!!! they run and find him!! something grabbed his leg and was shaking it. his leg is messed up really bad so scully is tying a tourniquet, and mulder’s running off after the mystery creature…. no self preservation instincts….

so he’s off with a gun and a flashlight chasing the human eating beast…. only to find some frogs. but something is approaching him?? quickly!!! and he’s firing his gun!!!

into a GATOR??? not a fancy lake beast!!

he’s staring out into the water… claiming to be fine. but he said he wanted the monster to be real, that he saw hope in such a possibility. she says there is still hope, that people want to believe, which is why the stories have endured for so long. 

GASP! the minute they leave, we see a big sea beast…

i’m literally so torn because i was CONVINCED the dog was going to come back 😭😭😭 and this episode was so good but WHY did they have to throw that in there… like i can’t even make an objective analysis of how this went because i’m so sad. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!?!

“oh juni there have been lots of human people that die in this series” which i mourned for too! but. i have felt the pain of losing a beloved and innocent creature and i do not wish for it to return and being reminded of its inevitably is not something i wish upon anyone MUCH less dana scully, who has already suffered in mythological levels.

really though, the episode was good. it was genuinely fantastic. it just clearly hit a bit of a nerve with me so i'm not going to do a thoughtful wrap up in the manner i like to think i usually do. but here are the things i liked, beyond the whole aesthetic and mood: bickering, umbrella sharing, scully at the helm, joint quoting of moby dick, deep introspection in the form of projecting onto book characters, cannibalism debates, outlandish creature as a monster of the week, rock sleepover, and fighting over frogs

[doll-elvis]

I’m just having one of those days…

(crying over a man I never met because I miss him)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

is it scummy to block people because you disagree with their takes 😭😭 it’s never anything personal obv but . like. would that just be mean………..

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

[constantineshots]

the opinion for today is that john’s never really needed to be fixed and pairing him with any character for the sole purpose of “fixing” him belittles both the character and john himself. john does care a lot for people, but a lot of people want to ‘fix’ him in ships when in reality, he does care. he can be a great boyfriend who understands boundaries ( as shown with kit, for example, and dani ), but he does run away when he thinks that significant other might be in danger because of him and he’s aware of that fact ( like with oliver, in the newer constantine: the hellblazer run ).

is he an asshole? absolutely. but does he need to be ‘fixed’? no. he’s fine. he’s a decent guy, who’s willing to do just about anything for his friends and feels immense guilt if anything happens to them. he’s never needed to be a hero. he doesn’t want to be a hero. don’t force his hand into being one in the dc universe. keep him his little chaotic neutral self. has he saved the world? yes, but it’s more of a “well, no one else was going to do it” mentality and at one point, he only saves the world because there’s a lack of cigarettes and the shipments of cigarettes weren’t coming in, but that’s also because of his “well, i keep saving the world, and it keeps ending. there’s no point anymore”. poor guy, honestly.

anyways, in sum, i don’t like the whole “they can fix him” ships with john. i think it’s demeaning. can someone be with john without needing to fix him please. thanks.

[moe-broey]

I have. So much power. Esp w the ability to use any portrait I want for any class. Which maybe was always the case? But the funniest example here is Bruno. The Medic. That armor in his portrait? Just for show. He's only allowed to wear extremely tearable fabric. As the gods intended. It's part of his curse, you see,

Also Moe voice "Yo who the fuck invited your undead dad to the function??????"