#almost everyone in his group got to grow old and experience a lifetime of all the little things like that

[doll-elvis]

I’m just having one of those days…

(crying over a man I never met because I miss him)

[gatheringbones]

["At the end of August in 1981, I found myself in a small town in Arkansas, where I knew no Lesbians other than my new lover, Lynn. I wanted it that way. We were living in hiding from my armed and vengeful ex-lover who had abused me for four years and had threatened both of us with deadly harm. This was five years before the publication of Kerry Lobel's ground-breaking book, Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering. I knew I had been battered, but I did not understand how deeply I had been injured.

I only knew that I seemed to have saved my life at the cost of my sanity. I jumped at loud and not-so-loud noises. A frown from a stranger could reduce me to tears. I was afraid to bathe if I was alone in the apartment. I relived every word of every fight in relentless flashbacks. I had blocked much of the unbearable pain of the previous four years out of my consciousness at the time, in order to cope with immediate danger. Now that I was "safe" it all came flooding back. To escape, I watched TV compulsively, avoiding anything violent—nature shows were my favorites—and I read science fiction. Having lost faith in women as well as men, I was a serious candidate for a species-change operation.

Luckily, at some point in that bleak winter, I read a magazine article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in Vietnam Vets, and I recognized all my symptoms. I had a name for my suffering, and 1 knew I was not "crazy." I'd felt so much guilt and anger towards myself for not being okay, that is, my old self, since I was "free." Now I knew healing would take time and effort, and I gave myself permission to not be normal right away. Also, seeing how much my condition resembled that of war survivors helped break down some of my denial about the hell I'd been through.

Still, I had no guidance on how to recover from PTSD. I followed only the dimmest instincts. First, I began to read accounts by survivors of any serious trauma. These people became my invisible support group. I found myself drawn especially to stories of political prisoners and concentration camp survivors. Although my experience was not like theirs, these were the people I felt would understand how my will had been sapped and my strengths twisted, how the smallest acts of resistance and mere endurance had needed all my wits and courage. Bruno Bettleheim in his chapters called "Behavior in Extreme Situations" (The Informed Heart) finally answered the question I'd put to myself every 44 hour since my escape: "How could I have been so stupid?" He made me realize that under abuse, especially the combination of intermittent threats, unpredictable violence and constant psychological torture, everyone responds differently, but everyone changes fundamentally, and everyone has their breaking point.

One day as I sat reading at the kitchen table, I looked out the window at the small yard beside our duplex apartment, and I began to imagine growing a garden there in the spring. It seemed like a highly improbable idea: the area was very small, steep, bare of everything but gray shale and orange clay, and the house shaded it part of the day. But the notion of a garden took root strongly. For the first time in several years I had something pleasant to anticipate.

I wrangled my landlady's permission to put in a garden. Then I mailed off postcards for seed catalogs. I persuaded an acquaintance who owned a truck to bring me a load of cedar slabs discarded by a local sawmill, and I used these to construct two frames, about four feet by six feet, and two even smaller ones, just three feet by four feet. By this time Lynn and I had saved enough money to buy a very old VW bug, so we drove to a nearby creekbank and filled bushel baskets with rich bottom dirt, which we dumped into the frames to make raised beds about four inches deep.

To supplement the tiny growing space, Lynn scavenged large cans from the cafeteria of the hospital where she worked. I painted them a hopeful green, filled them with soil and placed them along the sidewalk below our porch. Old-timey "Corn-row Beans," originally bred to tolerate the shade of cornfields, grew up strings tied to the roof and bore prolifically.

I didn't have much money from my SSI income to spend on garden gadgets, so I made do. I wove a trellis for my peas from six-pack rings liberated from a liquor store trash bin. (I can testify that this plastic never biodegrades—the pea fence survives to this day.) I got some more bushel baskets from the local grocery, painted them with non-toxic preservative and lined them with garbage bags after snipping a few drainage holes in the bottom. Placed around a small stone patio above the garden, these became containers for large plants.

The garden rewarded me before the first mouthful of early spinach was harvested. It moved me out of the gloomy apartment and into the sunshine, watering can in hand. It motivated me to interact with people and to occasionally risk asking for help. I found out they would usually say yes. My attention was now focused on the future, not the bitter, unchangeable past. At night when the flashbacks threatened to roll, when I dreaded the dreams I might have, I put myself to sleep with 45 detailed plans of my next crop rotation. I found out I could learn a major new skill, a little at a time. I could do things right, even come up with ingenious solutions to seemingly impossible difficulties. And when I did things wrong, plants were most often forgiving. The plants themselves were a tremendous source of inspiration. Talk about survivors! They defied every book written about their needs, often thriving with too little sun, too little water, and too little soil. At the end of a year, I could easily stick my shovel in the dirt up to the hilt, where only four inches of top soil had previously existed; compost and the action of the roots had created friable loam out of shale and clay.

When I experienced failure with gardening, it was never the kind of disaster I'd grown to associate with mistakes. We didn't go hungry, because other crops outstripped our expectations. My lover didn't beat or berate me, but sympathized and helped. The garden was important to us economically, because we'd both lost almost everything we owned in our escape. Luckily, in southern Arkansas, it's possible to garden yearround. The garden gave me precious, desperately needed tastes of success. Disabled, unemployed, I still felt like an important contributor to the household. I even had food to give away sometimes, and that was a delicious feeling.

Gardening was not the only factor in my recovery, but it was an important one. I didn't grow up with abuse, but battering and similar traumas can expand minutes into hours, years into decades, until four years feel like most of a lifetime. At the end of a year and a half of gardening, I no longer felt as if I'd spent the majority of my life in a battering situation. Healing had acquired a new definition for me: I didn't insist on having the old me back; I'd mourned her long and well. I accepted the fact that some injuries are too severe to be made whole, that I might never be the same again. But I began to actually like and trust the me I am now, scars and all. As my garden taught me, I must make do with what I am. I have discovered that my flaws are not fatal and my successes are greater than I'd hoped for. So far I have not gone hungry, and I even have something to offer."]

Amy Edgington, Gaining Ground, from Garden Variety Dykes: Lesbian Traditions In Gardening, Herbooks, 1994

[kyunisixx]

champagne problems (part i)

a/n: back with another fic inspired by champagne problems by Taylor Swift. went circles with this one but it may possibly have a part 2.

themes: angst, heartbreak, and absolute heartbreak.

pairing: jimmy page x fem!reader

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You're not sure which is worse

She wasn't sure what drove her to act like she did tonight. Of course she was very much in love and head over heels. She can never fathom the idea of being with someone for the rest of her life other than him. The champagne she was sipping on earlier this evening left a lingering, bitter taste in her mouth, a pungent regret, and a sour truth.

Her ears are ringing and her chest felt like it was being compressed by a large boulder. Every breath she struggles to inhale seems to burn her throat, her eyes are clouded with tears. An experience she never thought she'd go through again, and this time, no comfort of Jimmy's embrace would calm her down. She then slumped back into a brick wall and slid down into the cold ground. 

As her breathing slowed down into a calmer pattern, she realized what she was feeling wasn't even a quarter close to what he must have been feeling at this moment. 

Jimmy, her darling Jimmy. That little boy who she met under a sycamore tree beside an old building during lunch hours. He stood up from the other side and dusted his perfectly ironed uniform and came over with his lunchbox in hand. He stopped in front of her and stretched his arm down to show the box into her view. 

"Take it. I don't like peanut butter. I'm not allergic, it's just disgusting" 

He had said in a clipped voice, but it didn't stop her mouth from morphing into a wide smile which exposed her missing tooth. "Hello, I'm new here. It's nice to meet you and I'm Y/N. How about you, what's your name?"

The stoic little boy ended up sitting beside her and she listened as he endlessly expressed his undying hate for peanut butter and how he pretends he does. His love for music and his dreams to study biological research.

He took her to a lake just a few minutes walk away from his home for the first time that weekend. "It's my safe place. I'd go here whenever I feel like I need an escape", he had said.

In his shoulder, was a bag carrying a large guitar. She watched him meander his bony but elegant fingers across the strings creating a beautiful sound which could almost lull her to sleep but his out-of-tune voice kept her laughter bubbling out. They had stayed seated on a blanket until dusk came around.

Her fingers wipe the lone tear which fell on a picture in her wallet. It was a faded photograph of them during their high school prom. Both older and he, a lot taller. What once was a little girl with a missing front tooth, now a young woman smiling at the lense of the camera. And what once was a shy and mysterious little boy, now shares the same smile and possesses the same glint of adoration in his eyes for the woman in front of him. Flowy and white was the dress she wore and a large suit with a funny-looking tie for his lanky form. She could vividly remember her hands shaking as he took her hand in his after she had asked him to leave early and avoid prom pageant schemes. He whisked her away under the same old sycamore tree and rested their expensively-clothed backs on the moist grass in silence. A few minutes, he sat up straight and with a stuttering voice, he confessed his love right there, reciting a long message in which she interrupted with a longing kiss.

He was there to watch her audition and rejected a few times for the football team until she was finally able to get in. She was amongst the crowd of people to watch him at his gigs and push him to work towards his passion and to create music.

His family loved her and her family adored him. As Emily Bronte said; whatever their souls are made of, his and hers are the same. 

So when he had her over to his parent's house for Christmas eve, she knew something was up. Everyone had a giddy smile as they seemed to knowingly stare at either her or Jimmy. And he, especially, appeared to be distracted and uneasy. Never in her years of knowing him had she seen him act like he does as he always was well-put together.

After dinner was served, glasses of champagne were being distributed as family members turned to each other to form in small groups of their own as they all waited for countdown.

"What do you want to get for Christmas?", Jimmy's sister cheekily asked, Y/N being unaware of its doubled meaning. She smiled fondly.

"I'm happy right where I am"

"I'd be damned if you weren't", his sister laughed heartily. 

They had chatted and shared half-drunken giggles for a few minutes until his sister broke free from the conversation when someone called her over. It was when the room got unmistakably quiet. She turned around to see Jimmy, standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Some eyes were focused on him and others were seeking her reaction. 

"You were the first one to listen to my hateful rant about peanut butter sandwiches, the first one to believe in what I can do and urged me to do what I desire. I cannot possibly express in any word the fondness I have felt the moment I have laid my eyes on you and your smile many years ago. An outcast like me, you were. But so unaware of the shine you possess and how you have everyone in every room in the palms of your tiny hands…"

It took her a few seconds to discern what was happening. As words spilled from his shaking lips, her ears weren't so responding anymore. So many thoughts were running all over her brain. He was about to propose marriage. She looked around to see looks of expectancy and hope in every family members and friends' eyes, the nervousness in Jimmy's voice and the distinct elephant in the room.

Jimmy and her were only young adults, her being 18 and him only a year older. Her heart pounded at the thought of being a burden and possibly hold Jimmy back from pursuing his dreams. Add the fact that she had goals of her own and even though the idea of growing old with Jimmy was all she wanted, she knew it was too soon. But her idea to explain her reason was impossible when there were so many people around, all expecting her to give one answer; Yes. The pressure was building up from her very core which pushed moist in her eyes and her knuckles to turn white from balling them into fists. Never in her lifetime did she think hurting Jimmy was the only resort to protect him. 

"...I am irrevocably in love with every fibre of your being and I want to spend my last, withering days with you, Y/N. Will you marry me?"

There was an impenetrable silence fogging the room. Her heart was pummeling against her ribcage as her breaths came in short puffs. Her mouth opened and closed again as she searched Jimmy's eyes for signs of hoax. His were desperately seeking hers for answers as his fingers gripped the emerald ring from where he was kneeling down on one knee.

"Jimmy… I", her voice croaked out dryly and swallowed. She locked her eyes on his green irises, ones she adored so much. Her lower lip trembled as she searched his face one more time. She was so desperate to say yes, but she knew she would regret it and would only end up hurting him more. Her hands reached down to cup his cheek, smiled sadly and in a small voice, she uttered, "I'm sorry, I can't".

Then she ran outside, leaving Jimmy, her Jimmy, to watch her leave and wallow in tears.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready, so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

fogs on windshield glass (part ii)

⭐writings list⭐

taglist: @jonesyjonesyjonesy , @princesspagey (if you want to added in, let a sis know)

[watchmegetobsessed]

Memories - Grayson Dolan

here i am, back with another fic based on a dream i had! also, i did not proofread this so im sorry for the mistakes!

summary: You are childhood friends with the Dolan siblings and you recreate childhood photos, but one recreation results in surprising consequences.

word count: 3.8k

masterlist

“I can’t believe they made me do this,” you growl at your own reflection when you finish your already ridiculous look with putting your hair up into piggy tails. You look like someone who has fully lost her mind and acts like a child while being an adult. The denim overalls fit you loosely since you found it in your brother’s wardrobe, but it was the closest you could find to what was required from you. The striped shirt however is a little too tight, given the fact that the last time you wore it was in seventh grade. You’ve definitely gotten bigger in certain parts since then, but this is the only striped shirt you could find in such a short notice.

You feel ridiculous, but still excited. When the twins called you last night to ask if you’d be in recreating your old photos from your childhood there was just no way you could refuse. One, they sounded so thrilled and eager and two, you found it just as interesting and promising as them. You’ve been stuck at home for so long, you just couldn’t say no to some fun with your favorite neighbors. Growing up next door to the Dolan household has been one of the best things in your life. You instantly had two more awesome brothers and a big sister and friends you knew would always be there for you. When the twins left from home and Cam moved because of collage you were afraid you’d lose them since you stayed, only attending the local community college so you could help out the family business, but they proved you wrong. Endless video calls, nonstop texting and snapping and surprise visits whenever they came home to the family reassured that this is surely gonna last a lifetime.

Now in this messed up situation with the virus, they are all home with Lisa and being the restless goofballs that they are, there’s always something crazy they are up to and this time they made you join them.

“Y/N!” your mom calls from downstairs and though you already heard the quads arriving she lets you know the boys are here for you.

Taking your backpack that’s filled with your other childhood outfits you stomp down the stairs when you appear in the corner Grayson is the first one you spot. His eyes widen at you for a second before that shit-eating grin stretches across his face at your outfit, even though he looks just as ridiculous as you in his old, purple shirt with Sponge Bob on it and the hideous red shorts, socks pulled up almost until his knees.

“Look at you, Tootsie!” he chuckles and you roll your eyes at the nickname only he uses still. You couldn’t say the letter F normally until you were about seven, turning the word footsies into tootsies and everyone liked to tease you about that, especially Grayson. The name got unstuck by the time you turned sixteen, but not for him. He still calls you Tootsie whenever he has the chance. You don’t mind, it always awakens those damned butterflies in your tummy.

As you get to the bottom of the stairs his hand immediately reach up to curl a strand of hair from your piggy tail to his finger, playing with it a little before he lets it slip out of his grip.

“Woah, Y/N, you nailed the look!” Ethan shows up with freshly baked cookies in his hands that he probably got from your mom who is experimenting in the kitchen again. That’s her new favorite thing since the quarantine started.

“I know, right?” you grin, doing something that you meant to be a curtsey, but it turned out more like an awkward bopping.

Ethan has a black shirt on with striped pants, socks just as high as Grayson’s with his tennis shoes. They both nailed the vintage looks pretty well and you can’t wait to see their other outfits. Grayson sent you a bunch of photos last night that they want to recreate and he got you curious what will turn out of this.

Your mom walks out of the kitchen, oven mittens on her hands and she gasps seeing all three of you.

“Om my! How cute you all look!” she cheers and gathers all three of you into a group hug. “Time flies…”

“But you look just as pretty as you always did,” Grayson smirks at her and you can see her blushing. He never fails to make her feel better, one thing you absolutely adore in him.

She packs some more cookies for you before you finally leave, the quads waiting on your driveway. You go to Gray’s without a second thought, you always ride with him. Ethan used to make a fuss about it when they first got them, but eventually gave up on the fight and you guess he accepted that Grayson is your ride when it comes to the quads. You always told him it’s because you think he is a better driver, but in reality you just love sitting behind him, arms hugging his waist, thighs pressed together.

His sweet scent makes you smile as you sit behind him, waiting for him to start the quad and you often wish the way from your house to their would last longer, giving you more time to enjoy this little moment with him. Crushing on your childhood friend has taught you to savor these little things as if they are happening for the last time in life, because these are all you had and still has.

“Piggy tails!” Cameron greets you upon arriving, jumping down the stairs rocking the same hairstyle as you.

“We should do them more often,” you laugh as you get off the quad, unwillingly letting go of Grayson, going to hug her tight.

“We look fucking awesome for sure,” she grins.

The boys bring everything that’s going to be needed during the photoshoot into the pickup while you go inside to greet Lisa and the three of you girls have a quick little chat.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see the pictures,” she cheers happily, hips leaning against the edge of the counter. “I love these recreations.”

“We will look so ridiculous on all of them,” Cameron snorts finishing up her lemonade.

“We always end up looking ridiculous when we are together,” you smirk at her and she points at you nodding.

“You’ve got a point.”

Once the boys are done with loading the car you go to the backyard to shoot the first few pictures that were taken there. Ethan is responsible for the camera, Grayson controls the set while you and Cam try your best to nail the poses like on the pictures.

They turn out amazing. You all managed to recreate the outfits almost perfectly and you could find the exact spots from the photos, making it possible to nail them precisely. Lisa watches you work from the kitchen window, a wide smile on her lips and it makes you happy to see her like this. So carefree and full of life.

“Okay, we have one last photo here,” Ethan directs, zooming in on the picture on his phone. “Gray, Y/N, go to that tree.”

Nodding you follow the instructions, though you know which photo it is going to be. You adjust your piggy tails tugging on your shirt. You’ve changed from the overalls, now rocking a yellow polo shirt with high-waisted denim shorts and sandals. Many of the pictures were taken on the same day, so you can recreate more in the same outfits.

“Alright, Y/N has to sit on your shoulders and hold onto a branch.”

Gray nods and turns to you, rubbing his hands together.

“I’ll squat down, you sit on my shoulders, okay?”

“Yeah,” you nod, feeling a bit nervous. The guys used to pick you up, carry around on their back and shoulders a lot, but your teenage years made you super insecure about your weight, so you asked them to stop. They respected your choice and though you’ve successfully overcome this situation, they are still very careful around you.

Grayson squats down and you stand behind him, hesitant before lifting your leg up and planting it onto his shoulder. You freeze when his hand holds onto your thigh above your knee.

“Don’t worry, I got you,” he softly reminds you, thinking you froze because you’re afraid he would drop you, but in reality it’s because of his touch.

“I know,” you quietly say before placing a hand on his head for support, fingers digging into his now long hair before you lift your other leg up and finally put it to his shoulder. He counts back from three before he stands up and you suddenly tower over everyone in the backyard.

“Hold onto the branch!” Ethan instructs you and looking up you grab the first branch you can reach. Grayson’s hands on your thighs are basically burning and you can’t tell that it’s his palms that are so hot or your skin under his touch.

You manage to focus for a few so the picture can be taken and when Ethan says you got what you needed Grayson slowly descends so you can hop off his shoulders.

“You okay?” he asks brushing his hair out of his face once you are both standing on your own feet.

“Yeah,” you smile shyly as he brings a hand to your back, gently caressing it to let you know without words that you did great.

Once the backyard pictures are done you all load into the pickup and head into the forest, the place where you’ve had so many adventures growing up. You knew this recreating would be a lot of fun, but you finally feel like it’s all like before, when adulthood hasn’t set in, the twins and Cam were still living next door, making it easy to hangout whenever you wanted.

You take picture after picture, and not just recreations, you are making new ones, eternalizing this new memory the four of you share now.

“Alright, we have one more picture to take,” Ethan announces with a knowing grin and you furrow your eyebrows at him.

“What? I thought the one with the ladder was the last one.”

Walking over he shows you his phone, already laughing and your eyes go wide when you see the photo he wants to recreate.

“You did not send me this!” you protest as you stare down at the photo you’ve seen so many times before, but never thought it would cause you to almost have a heart attack.

It was taken of you and Gray, the two of you are sitting on the back of Sean’s old pickup, you were probably five, max six years old here, little arms hugging each other and Grayson is giving you a big smooch right onto your lips. This was technically your first kiss, if you count the innocent childhood kisses. Back then you had no idea what crushes or love were, you only knew that you liked this silly boy who lived next door and happened to have a clone, as you used to say it. Your feelings for Grayson originate from way back.

“Come on, Y/N! This is one of mom’s favorite,” Cam tells you grinning and you’re annoyed that she and Ethan are enjoying this more than they should while you are probably now as red as a tomato. Glancing over at Grayson you see that he is just standing there, looking nervous maybe? Eyes avoiding to look at you.

“I…”

“She would be so disappointed if this one doesn’t get a recreation!” Ethan nags you and he is such a rat, using Lisa against you. They know you’d do anything for her, she is like a second mother to you, saying no to her has never been an option for you and they know that too well.

You are defeated, so walking over to the truck you just simply hop on the back, trying not to look like you are about to pass out from your nerves. Ethan makes his brother sit next to you and it feels so awkward, you definitely did not think this would ever happen.

“You don’t have to do this because they are blackmailing you with mom,” Grayson whispers to you while Ethan and Cam are busy with setting the camera up.

“It’s fine, really,” you say forcing a smile to your lips, but it’s so not true and he knows it too.

“Okay, so Gray, you just lean in and… go for it,” Ethan laughs as if he is a kid again, talking about kissing like it’s a forbidden thing to even say out loud.

The two of you adjust your position, turning to each other a little before you hug each other like in the photo. Grayson looks deep in your eyes, giving you the chance to bail out, but you just stare back at him, ready to go with whatever is about to happen.

“Okay,” he whispers to himself and before you could even have a second though his lips are on yours.

Your eyes close immediately at the sensation, arms loosening around him, making the hug more comfortable as you let your lips part a little. Far away you hear the camera clicking, but it doesn’t sound real, your heart is beating in your throat and that innocent smooch slowly turns into a real kiss.

“We got it!” Ethan’s voice snaps you out right before it could take a more radical turn. Leaning back your eyes are met with Grayson’s startled face, lips parted, hands still on your waist.

“Great, great,” you mumble awkwardly, hopping off the trunk, out of his arms.

The mood has definitely changed because of the kiss. Ethan and Cam start teasing the two of you about it, but you just try to shrug it off while forcing yourself to forget what it felt like to have his lips on yours, because the more you think about it the more you crave another kiss… and another one… and another one…

It seems like Grayson wants to say something, or this is what you see in his eyes, but he keeps quiet on the way back to the Dolan house. Cam invites you to stay over for a movie while Ethan edits the pictures and you accept it. Arriving back to the house you are wandering inside feeling distant and dizzy when a hand slides into yours and pulls you back before you could walk inside.

“Wait,” Grayson keeps you back and you turn to him with a puzzled look. “Can we…”

“Just take her to your room, Gray!” Ethan shouts from the front porch with the most annoying grin on his face.

“Shut up!” he snaps back at his brother. “Come with me,” he nods at you and he pulls you towards the quads.

“Where are you going?” Ethan calls after the two of you.

“Where you are not there to be an asshole!” Gray retorts making you laugh. You hop on the quad behind him. “Hold on tight, Tootsie,” he chuckles as you wrap your arms around his waist.

You have absolutely no idea where you are heading, you’re just enjoying the ride, face pressed against his broad back, feeling the muscles moving under your cheek every time he takes a turn.

When he stops and you look around you immediately recognize the place. The little abandoned patio you found about a decade ago in the woods still stands, vines and plans have taken over it, the wood looks like it would give up if a harsh wind blew through it, but it still looks like a magical place. It was you secret place with Grayson, you came her often when you both wanted to escape from home, just sat on the dirty floor and watched the sky through the cracks of the roof of the patio.

“I can’t believe it’s still here,” you chuckle walking closer while Grayson turns the quad off behind you.

“Yeah, looks deadly though,” he comments scoffing.

“Probably been through a lot,” you smile back at him. “What are we doing here?”

Hopping off the quad he walks towards you pulling his phone out of his pocket with a nervous, but excited smirk on his face.

“I wanted to recreate one more picture.”

He hands you his phone, a photo from about five years ago shown on the screen. You both were just teenagers, the phone was put to the ground on a timer and the two of you sat in front of it in the patio, laughing carefree, he had an arm around your shoulders and you were leaning into him. It was just a random day you spent out in the woods when Ethan had a doctor’s appointment and Lisa asked Grayson to stay over at ours while they are not home. You wandered in the woods for hours and of course ended up at the patio.

“You want to recreate this?” you ask with a smile, looking up at him as you hand him back his phone.

“Yeah,” he nods with a shy smile.

“Let’s do this.”

He sets his phone up the same way as you sit on the floor in the patio, waiting for him to join you. He thuds arriving next to you as the timer counts back from ten. Swinging an arm around your shoulders you look him in the eyes as you lean at him.

The urge to kiss him is back, you want to feel his lips again so bad, but you don’t know if you should. The counter reaches the end and the phone snaps the picture, but neither of you moves.

“We should have laughed,” you whisper, feeling like his eyes are locked on yours, not letting you look anywhere else but him.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Should we make another picture then?” he asks and starts leaning closer.

“I guess,” you breathe out right before his lips meet yours.

It’s so much more than the one you shared earlier on the trunk. This kiss is real, full of lust and longing, not something kids would share, but you are not kids anymore. Cupping his face in your hands you try to get as close to him as possible, pushing yourself to his lap and he falls back to the ground pulling you with him. You share a laugh, rolling around in the dirt, Grayson getting on top of you, kissing you again and again and you don’t want this moment to end.

“Sixteen year-old Grayson would be so proud of me now,” he smirks against your lips.

“What?” you smile at him pushing him a little back so you can look into his eyes.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you here so many times, I can’t even count.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like the day the photo was taken. I was just a chicken and I thought you didn’t like me back.”

“I did. I still do,” you smile, brushing his hair out of his face but it keeps falling back.

“Sorry for earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“The kiss on the pickup. They just wanted to urge me to do something because they are done with my pining after you.”

“What? It was all a setup?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles and rolling off you he sits up and you push yourself up as well. “Ethan planned it all out, hoping I would finally do something if I’m forced to kiss you, but I honestly thought you wouldn’t agree to take the picture.”

“But I did.”

“Yes you did,” he chuckles and reaching over he tugs a strand of hair behind your ear that escaped from your piggy tails. “Want to know something funny?”

“Mhm.” Nodding you scoot closer and kiss his lips softly, just because now you can.

“Remember how fussy Ethan used to get when you’d only ride with me on the quad?”

“Yeah. Like a baby,” you chuckle.

“That was because he used to have a crush on you too.”

“What?” Your eyes widen as you stare back at him. “He did not!”

“Yes he did,” he laughs. “We had a fight over this, because he didn’t know I liked you. But then I told him and he realized he has no chance.”

“How did he just realize it? What do you mean?”

Looking away from you he seems nervous to answer you and you give him time. You know he is going to share it with you.

“He said that… He has no chance, because he just likes you while I… I love you.”

Oh how long you’ve been craving to hear those words from him! And now it’s reality, not just a daydream in your mind. Leaning closer you kiss him, sweet and slow, taking your time with him.

“I loved you too. I still do,” you smile at him and wrapping his arms around you he pulls you down with him back to the floor kissing you all over and over again.

When you return to the house about an hour later Ethan and Cameron come out running to the front porch the moment you hop off the quad, clearly waiting for something holding their breath.

You don’t say a word, just try to hide your smile while Grayson gets off the quad too and stepping next to you he laces his fingers together with you. The moment this happens Ethan and Cam starts screaming and shouting, running to you and jumping all over the two of you.

“FINALLY! YES!”

“ABOUT FUCKING TIME!”

“Oh my god, guys!” Grayson chuckles showing his siblings off to give us some space to breathe, but you don’t mind their enthusiasm. It’s cute that they were rooting for you so bad.

Lisa appears on the front porch, confused about all the noise, but then she sees as Grayson pulls you to his side, kissing the top of your head and she immediately knows what’s happening.

“You’re not joking, right?!” she gasps walking down the stairs.

“No, mom. It’s serious,” Grayson chuckles shyly and as his mom finally reaches you she embraces both of you in a tight hug, laughing happier than you’ve probably ever heard her.

“Finally! I’ve been waiting for this to happen for so long!”

“Mom!” Grayson whines, but you find it so sweet.

“We all did, Lisa,” you admit chuckling.

She invites you all inside for dinner and you gladly join. What happened today didn’t change anything in the dynamic you shared with them. Dinner is just as heartfelt and fun like it always is, or even better. When you’re done eating you all go into the living room and watch the little slideshow Ethan put together from the photos, laughing so much on both the old and new ones.

Today surely started as a day of old memories, but the new ones you’ve made are way better than any other you’ve made with your favorite siblings, especially one of them.

[itslieutenanthawkeye]

Jeankasa Royal AU: A Knight's Mission

Sir Jean Kirstein has been sent to hizuru by the Yaegar brothers with one goal: become princess Azumabito’s close guard and pave the way to betray and conquest the eastern country. But the hizuran princess is much lovelier than what he imagined. Can Jean’s loyalty stay with the yaegar brothers or will it tilt towards the woman he may, or may not, be falling in love with?

AO3

The capital city of Hizuru, Heian-kyo, is thrice as large as some eldian cities. Flanked on all sides by tall, snowy-peaked mountains and home to about two million citizens, it is the largest city in the eastern country. Despite the high altitude, the noise and music and laughter in the city equal –or maybe rival— the cold winds blowing from the mountains.

The royal palace, built beautifully halfway up one of the tallest peaks, is nothing like it.

I curse lowly as I’m being led through the passageways of the Azumabito palace, with its sliding doors, quiet servants, and even quieter rooms. There’s the sound of running water coming from somewhere to my right, perhaps it’s the famous gardens I was told about on my induction —a gift from one of the previous empresses to her emperor, a place of peace and quietness so they could grow old together. Although in all honesty, the last things this place needs are peace and quiet.

Some faint music would be fine, I think as I find myself missing the horrid sound from Reiner’s little cousin practicing the violin. I guess I would even take a whole concert of that if it meant breaking the perpetual silence of the palace.

I look to my right, noticing that Marco looks calmer than Reiner and I put together. I’m not surprised; he helped the Yaegar brothers concoct the plan to gain Hizuru’s vast territory, free its people from a monarchy and, above all, get Eldia’s claws on their precious mines.

“Take a deep breath,” Marco whispers, his voice as serene as the rest of the palace. The servant, a tiny girl in a simple kimono, is far away from us that she won’t hear. “She will be pleased with us.”

We’re presents, gifts sent to look after the princess by her fiancée in Eldia, her political alliance once she comes of age, Eren. He chose us well; the three of us are nice to the eyes, charming to a degree. If the princess takes a liking for any of us, we might be granted the charge of close guard for either the princess or her guardian, and then it’ll be an easy task to learn the secrets of the castle, be aware of its military routes… all in all, we’ll know more details how to overthrow the teenage ruler and free the people.

By taking over Hizuru, we will give Zeke Yaegar access to the hizuran mines, and we’llhave our hands filled with silver. Enough silver to leave knighthood, enough silver to convince a nice girl to marry me, enough silver to buy a whole castle.

If we manage to keep our heads on our shoulders, the grimmer side of my brain chirps in.

I shake my head, quite enjoying the fact that it is still attached to my body. This must work. It cannot go awry. If it does go awry and we manage to escape, I can imagine Zeke and Eren condemning us to a lifetime of menial tasks within the military, without a chance to become rich through any of their colonization schemes.

And if we don’t manage to escape…well, we all became acquainted with hizuran torture methods before coming. I’m not looking forward to dying, let alone be tortured.

“Jean,” Marco calls, giving me a sideways glance. We are standing at the doors of the throne room, where the princess and her guardian await us. The servant girls leading us have disappeared beyond the doors, perhaps to announce our presence us to the princess. “You need to stand straighter than that.”

Again, I do as Marco says. He’s much more put together than I, and a bit of me feels a twinge of jealousy of how good of a leader he is among our tiny group. He’s told me before I have much more leader material, however Zeke chose him to lead this expedition, not me.

“Are you okay?” Reiner asks at my side. “You look like you’re about to puke.”

I glare. “I’ve never met a proper royal before.”

“What about all those fancy folks in Eldia?”

“I meant I’ve never met a princess.” I say, shrugging, wondering what awaits us behind the door. Not much is known about hizuran royalty back home, and there are no pictures nor paintings of the hidden flower of Hizuru.

She might be hideous for all we know. All chances point to her being hideous if she refuses to get pictures or paintings of her face. Although I’m not sure if her being hideous will help or damage our attempts at charming our way into her private guard. If she’s hideous, I pity that poor Yaegar bastard.

“It doesn’t matter what she looks like,” Marco said, guessing his thoughts. “Remember we were sent for a reason.”

I look around, wondering what is up with his sudden burst of information, or if a group of guards will come get us from sniffing our betrayal in the air. But nobody comes; in fact, the palace is as quiet as before. Maybe it’s the way Marco talks, maybe that soft purr of his voice makes his words mingle with the eerie peace of the palace.

“What’s taking so long?” I say, looking away from Marco, clearing my throat.

“There’s an extremely specific etiquette to informing the princess of new guests in the palace. And then you add the etiquette of the Pine Room, it’ll take a few minutes,” Reiner replies, giving me a frown at the confusion in my face. “The Pine Room? The throne room, Jean. Do you not remember anything from our lessons? Did you not read the booklet?”

To be fair, I didn’t. We stopped by a seaside city on our way over, and that beautiful redhead had kept my attention from studying our booklets on the way before discarding them. “I’m an idiot.”

“Just remember, bow deeply, don’t raise your head until she allows you, let her speak first, call her imperial majesty when greeting her, then just call her princess,” Marco lists with a soft smile. “Walk ahead of her only when you are allowed, let her call you by your name.”

“Seems like a lot of fucking rules for a kid.” I reply.

“She’s not a kid,” Reiner says with an exasperated sigh. “She’s seventeen. Aren’t you eighteen yourself?”

“I have more life experience than a princess could ever have,” I say with a flirting smile, but then drop my stance at Marco and Reiner’s concerned gazes. “Alright, alright. I won’t screw up. I never do, remember?”

“Which is why Eren chose you as her present too.” Marco says with a wink, making me blush.

“Any other rules I should remember?”

This time it’s Reiner who answers. “Never call her by her name, never touch her.”

“What’s her name anyways?”

Marco leans into me, whispering even lower, almost looking fearful to pronounce the princess’ name too loud. “Mikasa, that’s her name.”

I mouth the syllables underneath. Mi-ka-sa. Huh. Doesn’t sound like a too awful name; not hard to pronounce anyways. Not that I’ll be using it much, mind you. Out of the three, it’s Marco the one who is more likely to charm the princess, to become her friend or lover, whatever he needs to get the information we need about Hizuru. He’s got a much softer demeanor; it doesn’t work much with girls at bars, but it will surely work with a princess. I can see the confidence in his face as the servant girl slides the door open.

We got this, that’s what his face says.

Two, three years, and we’ll be richer than god. Bless Eren for choosing us for this plan.

“The princess is ready to see you.”

We are led across an enormous room with wide windows at both sides, from which I can clearly see the city sprawled in a thousand different colors below. There are some people gathered in the chamber that stare at us as we walk by. From their clothes and expressions by seeing foreigners, I figure they’re not all royals. The princess must be holding audiences for her people.

I see her throne at the end of the room, and her sitting on it. But we are too far away for me to see anything but the deep blue color of her kimono. I stifle laughter; if she sits this far away from everyone, she must be horrid.

Two guards flank our way as we moved forward, and I fear troubles have begun already. We are taller than the hizuran guards, but they train for decades to become skilled at combat, and I’ve no doubt we would not win against them.

“Princess,” the servant girl says, talking in her direction. “Your gifts have arrived.”

“Please, let them come before me.” She says, and the soft cadence of her voice surprises me. She must be a good singer, I think hazily. And this must be some sort of ritual.

We walk ahead until we are standing about ten feet away from a screen seemingly made from crystal, which impedes anyone from walking any closer to her throne. Ah, it must be a security measure. A bulletproof screen to guard the princess form any madman that might sneak their way in the Pine Room while she holds audiences.

The three of us fall to our knees and bow, pressing our foreheads against the pristine floor. Again, I haven’t seen her royal face.

There is the soft shift of fabric on the wooden floor, and then tiny steps. “Rise, eldian knights, gifts of my future husband,” she says, in perfect eldian, to my surprise. “I would look upon your faces.”

I smile slightly at the silliness of it all, at the fancy words she is using to perfection, but my smile freezes the moment my gaze lands upon her face. And my first thought is that Eren Yaegar is the luckiest bastard in the world.

This princess is the most beautiful, perfect woman I’ve ever seen. Ever. She has gray eyes, jet black hair and is not as small as I thought she would be. Her face isn’t precisely hizuran, but it isn’t quite eldian either. It’s strange, but not unpleasant to the eye.

Who am I kidding? She’s a vision to look at.

“Thank you for your journey, knights of Eldia,” she says, her expression serene, giving away not much emotion. “Please, bring forth the bread and salt.”

Servants scurry around the room and bring us jade platters full of bread and salt. I blink, realizing they’ve accommodated to the eldian custom of sharing a meal with your guests to assure their lives will be well guarded while under the host’s roof.

I look at her as the servants make the long way from the entrance to the throne room. She wears no jewelry, and her kimono is of a wonderful shade of purple and silver. Her hair is not combed upwards in the traditional hizuran fashion. It’s long, beautiful and darker than night itself. I’ve seen dark before, but not like this. It is deep, tantalizing, beautiful.

Her gaze catches mine during the seconds we wait for the bread to arrive, and I look away instinctively. She noticed I was staring, I curse myself. Staring like an idiot is not the way to get her trust.

My eyes trail to the throne, and I notice another woman has been looking at me the whole time. I’m guessing that’s her guardian, Kiyomi Azumabito, and curse myself again. She won’t want a staring creep near her protégée.

The bread comes on a platter for each, and Mikasa —no, the princess. The princess has a platter too. We eat the tiny salted bread buns while looking at each other in silence. Once we are done, Mikasa cleans her hands on a towel one of her servants offers to her.

“Now, we have done your eldian tradition and you must know you are safe and welcome,” she says in that serious tone of voice. I wonder if she ever laughs. “I would like to know your names. Blond sir, please go first.”

“Reiner Braun, your imperial majesty,” Reiner says, bowing slightly. I hold the need to roll my eyes. We won’t have to bow each time we speak to her, will we?

“And I must call you?”

Another custom. I really should’ve read that booklet.

“Either is fine, your majesty.”

“You may call me princess.”

“Thank you, princess.”

Mikasa, the princess turns to Marco and he gives her a polite smile. Her face proposes the name question to him, and Marco catches the intention of her face quickly. “Marco Bodt, your imperial highness. You may call me as you wish.”

“Your face, I don’t know the eldian word for the dots,” she says, gesturing to the bridge of her own nose. I hold back another smile. She’s so cute. “What is the word? Oh, you may call me princess.”

Marco smiles charmingly, and I feel jealousy again. “Freckles, your highness.”

“Freckles,” the princess says, pronouncing the word as if she were tasting a new meal. So pretty. She looks at Marco, gives him a tight smile, stirring the fire of jealousy in my chest. Damn his freckles to hell. “Thank you, Sir Marco. You’ve given me the gift of a new word.”

Marco bows, and now I roll my eyes. What am I supposed to do after that? He just gave the princess knowledge. For a royal that owns a thousand mines, knowledge is the one thing one can give her to make her smile is knowledge.

“And you, sir?” She says expectantly. Our eyes meet again, and I feel the rush of blood to my cheeks. I gather my thoughts; I’m a knight. I’m here to betray her and get rich, not stare at her pretty self or get jealous from Marco making her smile.

I bow in the same way Reiner did. “Jean Kirstein, your imperial majesty.”

“Nice to meet you, Jean,” she says, then opens her eyes slightly, seemingly catching herself. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Kiyomi Azumabito narrowing hers. “How may I call you, sir?”

Yours, the rawest part of my mind shouts.

“You may use either, your imperial majesty.” I say, feeling my breath quicken at the thought of her slipping. What was it about me that made her slip? My looks? Or maybe she’s just trying to intimidate the creep that’s been ogling her?

“You may call me princess, Je—Sir Jean.” She says, stumbling a little with her words. She clears her throat. “You’re taller than most, aren’t you?”

Heads turn in our direction, and I guess this isn’t part of the protocol. My height has made her curious, which makes me feel like a proud little kid. “I am, princess.”

“Good sparring partner.” She mutters, more to herself than to the crowd, but the three of us hear her clearly. She looks at me again, and this time there’s nothing I can do to hide my blush. “Good knights, it seems. I am grateful to my future husband for his gift. We will see that you are well taken care of within court.”

“Thank you, princess.” We say at unison.

“I hear my husband wants to make you three part of my personal guard,” she says thoughtfully.

“Yes, princess.” Marco says.

“I appreciate my future husband’s will to look after me,” Mikasa says, and something in me suspects she’s keeping the protocol once again. “We will discuss these matters in future meetings. For now, please enjoy your dinner in your quarters and have a rest, my knights.”

Hearing her call us my knights almost turns me into a puddle. But I hide my feelings behind a mask of proudly knighthood. This mission isn’t to lust after a princess. This mission is to get rich. After I claim my part of the silver mines, I can woo as many princesses as I want.

“Thank you, princess.” We say at unison, and we are dismissed from the throne room.

The servant girl leads us to our room, a big, furniture-less chamber overlooking a series of hot spring pools for us alone. She explains to us how to lay out our futons on the curious tatami flooring, but my mind is on Mikasa. On the princess and her purple kimono and how much I would enjoy seeing it on the floor of our chambers. And her in the hot spring pool with me.

“Stop it,” Marco says after the servant girl leaves.

“Stop what?”

“Lusting after her. Crushing on her,” Marco says in a disapproving tone of voice. He’s figured it out. He knows me too well and knows when a woman catches my eye. “Jean, we are not here to crush out on a woman. We are here to—”

“I won’t try and sleep with her, Marco,” I reply, closing my eyes and throwing my back against the floor. “Just let me have my mind fun for a little while. She’s a beautiful girl.”

“She is indeed,” Reiner agrees as he examines the clothes they’d prepared for us. I wonder if they’ll let us wear our uniforms if we do manage to become her close guards. “Pretty eyes, and not even you can deny that, Marco.”

I open my eyes and notice that Marco raises his eyebrows. “She is a cute little thing.”

I frown. “I thought we weren’t here to just after her? Also, don’t call her a thing.”

“Now you’re protective of her?” Reiner asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Stop giving me that face, Kirstein. You were the one who was ogling her today. You cannot compromise the mission.”

“He won’t,” Marco assures him, patting my shoulder. “Jean just has an eye for pretty girls. The moment he sees another servant that catches his eye, he’ll stop being weird about the princess. Won’t you, Jean?”

“Yeah,” I shrug. “We should just stop talking about the princess altogether, though.”

“Why’s that?”

“If anyone hears us calling her a pretty little thing, we’ll get in trouble.” I reply with another shrug, and that seems to convince them. My intentions are slightly devious, though. Maybe I don’t want them to think of her the way I am. I don’t want them to call her pretty or think about her at all. I know we have a mission, and my eyes are on the silver at the end of the rainbow. But for now, the thoughts of the princess are all mine.

“How’s the liaison?” Reiner asks Marco. “Do we know who it is yet?”

“I’m sure they’ll show themselves soon.” Marco replies, and their conversation diverges into territory that isn’t related to women, far away from the princess. I sigh, trying to focus on their talk of hizuran customs and the architecture of the palace (subjects that might seem innocent to any casual listener) but my mind is on the princess and her pretty, serious face. It’d be fun to see her laugh at a point, but I don’t say this out loud.

For now, I want the image of her to be mine alone.

Maybe I’ll try to beat Marco at being her close guard.

___________________________

I enter the royal chamber and get rid of my kimono to walk about in my undergarments. Kiyomi is sitting on the far end of the room, and she gestures me to sit at her side to have our afternoon tea. I take the cup and walk out towards my garden, cringing at the idea of sitting down a moment longer.

I understand the need for audiences, and it is not that I don’t enjoy listening to queries from the citizens and solving as many problems as I’m allowed…but I’m not one to made for sitting down.

“That boy,” I hear myself saying before I can stop myself, looking at Kiyomi over my shoulder. “The tall one.”

“What about him?” Kiyomi asks, in that casual tone I know so well. She’s curious to know what I’m thinking, because she already formed an idea of the boy herself.

“He’s got a good height,” I say, turning again towards the gardens. “I haven’t sparred with someone so tall in a while.”

“He’s an eldian knight,” Kiyomi replies calmly. “He could harm you.”

“He was sent by Eren, wasn’t he? I doubt they mean any harm.”

“I don’t trust Yaegar.”

The words make me arch an eyebrow, and I’m persuaded to go sit at her side. I’ve met the Yaegar boy sporadically since I was brought back into the castle and became Kiyomi’s protégée. He was a loud child and, for a while, an even louder teenager. It’s been a while since I saw him last, and I wonder if he’s quieter now; a quieter demeanor would fit those green eyes of him much better. “Why don’t you trust him?”

“He’s sent handsome men.”

I snort. “Are you scared of handsome men, Kiyomi?”

“It concerns me he’s sent them to test you,” Kiyomi says, taking a sip of her tea, closing her eyes. “Three handsome men, all sent to be your close guards.”

Ah, my noble future husband, I think sarcastically. For a political alliance, it seems like too much trouble to test my loyalty for him this way. It’s not like we will always live together after we are married; we will have our wedding night, and a few months together every year afterwards. Because he is bound to Eldia as much as I am to Hizuru.

“I won’t jump into bed with them, you know. Not at first, at least.” I reply, and my words cause Kiyomi to choke on her tea. I cover my mouth with a hand, stifling a giggle. “I’m sorry, Kiyomi. Let me help you clean.”

“Don’t.” she warns, narrowing her eyes. She knows I just said that to shock her, but she does not like the ring of my words. An unmarried and young princess is a dangerous thing, she has told me. She and my servants told me I am lovely to look at. According to her, I am ripe for picking.

According to my skills, whoever comes near me will end with a broken neck.

“About the sparring,” I mention again. “I really haven’t had a tall fighting partner.”

Kiyomi smiles and narrows her eyes again, this time playfully. “You are rather set on that boy,” she says. I shoot her a questioning look, but all I get in return is the same placid, cheerful smile of hers that tells me she’s seeing something I am not. “You were looking at him since they walked into the room.”

“Because he is tall. I haven’t practiced against someone that tall,” I reply, but Kiyomi remains silent. Her silence hurts my pride. “Do you really think me capable of jumping into bed with the presents Eren sent me? Why do you think I would act this way?”

The hurt tone of my words placates her teasing somewhat. She puts her porcelain cup down and places a hand atop my own, a loving gesture that’s not uncommon among families behind closed doors. I smile; I barely remember my family before Kiyomi. In a way, she’s the closest I’ve ever had to a mother.

“He just reminds me of someone, dear princess, that is all. I trust your judgment with these gifts as much as I trust your judgement with the council,” she says. Her words swell my pride as easy as they hurt it a moment ago.

“Who does he remind you of?” I ask, curious. “That Jean knight.”

She shakes her head. “Not important at the moment,” she sighs, using a piece of silk cloth to clean some of the crumbs around us. “What is important is you choosing which one of the three will be your close guard.”

“Must I choose?” I ask. The last thing I want is a close guard; someone to accompany me everywhere, stand by my tub when I wash, stand by me when I eat, watch over me while I sleep. It seems invasive, at best. “I can defend myself. We could give them the treatment we give ambassadors. They will much prefer that.”

“This is not for you. Your future husband has clearly gone out of his way to send you protection,” Kiyomi says. “Not allowing at least one of them as your close guard will mean offending him. The Yaegar brothers are the head of a powerful nation, a conquering nation. A nation we must keep in our good graces.”

Unlike the Yaegar brothers, the two eldians who rose to the head of the Eldian empire in a mere five years, I do not care much about conquering. The emperor before me, a distant uncle of mine, resembled them more than I ever will. He spread our dominion to the islands on the shallow waters to the west, and the vast horse plains to the north…lands I intend to return once I ascend to the throne of Hizuru and clean out my council.

Having an empress who doesn’t want to conquer won’t settle well with most royals, and it will surely make us weak in the face of Eldian prowess. So, my marriage must keep us in Eldia’s good graces for a generation or two, depending on how many heirs Eren and I produce. He has displayed every hizuran gift we’ve sent him, so I must do the same. Although I’ve never sent him humans as presents, to be fair.

This must’ve been his older brother’s idea. As little as I’ve treated him, I can’t conceive the idea of Eren sending three humans as presents. He values freedom of will too much.

“So, how will I choose my close guard?” I ask.

“We will give you time with the three, on your own,” Kiyomim says easily. “It’ll be a trial period, of sorts. You will choose in the end. I trust you will choose wisely, and go for the one who will tempt you the least.”

“None of them tempts me.” I reply, again hurt in my pride. Why does she think I will act like a giddy teenager? The three men are not bad to look upon, but I value my commitment to Hizuru far too much to put it at risk for a foreign man. My own mother already did, and it did not end well.

“Do you have one you’d prefer me to choose?” I ask, curious to know about her impression of the three knights. “One you think would make a good job?”

“I do,” she says. I look at her expectantly, but Kiyomi remains focused on pouring more tea for the both us. “I won’t tell you, Mikasa. You are bound for a throne and decisions will be your daily living. We start small, but important: you must choose this close guard of yours mindfully and responsibly.”

I sigh, sipping a little more tea, finding it bitter. I’ve taken decisions before but choosing a man who will guard me day and night is not high on my list of priorities. “Can I still have the tall one for sparring? Even if I don’t choose him.”

“I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“He can’t mind if he’s a present,” I quip back, thinking there must be a flaw to Eren’s logic. Why someone who loves the concept of being free so badly send three humans as presents for his future wife?

“Even so,” Kiyomi says with a soft smile. “I’m sure the Kirstein knight won’t mind.”

I frown, there’s a playful tone to her voice that I don’t recognize. Is she trying to imply Jean will agree because he will think I am not strong enough to beat him? I take another determined sip of my tea. Kiyomi is good at reading people, and if she thinks the tall knight considers me weak, then it must be so.

“I will show him.”

“What, princess?” Kiyomi asks.

I shake my head, undermining the matter, my head filled with thoughts of the tall knight.

__________________

The next morning, Kiyomi sends a message with one of her servant girls. Princess Mikasa will meet with us one at a time throughout an unspecified period of time, and then she will make her decision before the summer festivities.

Marco is called first, although I am not surprised. He did impress her first with his vast knowledge of the word freckles.

He comes back and tells us how he and the princess went visiting the art museum within the palace. They talked for hours about hizuran artists, and then see a small play together, in which he met the members of the council that handle cultural affairs within her palace and the city.

The next day, Reiner is called. Mikasa takes him to the silk market in one of her official visits, and they have lunch in the hanging gardens at one of the mountains, where he meets the minister of trade.

Despite their vastly different experiences, both Marco and Reiner agree on something.

“She’s quiet.” Reiner says from the pool of hot water in our garden. “She’s like an old volcano.”

“Did you just call her old?” I blurt out.

“He’s right,” Marco says, putting an appeasing hand on my shoulder. “She does come off as an old volcano. Never make a sound, and when they do, it’s important.”

I frown. “Could you not make conversation with her then?”

“You need to know the right things to say.” Reiner says, arching his eyebrow. “Do you think you can handle it?”

I scoff and roll my eyes. Reiner wants to be her close guard. Out of the three, he perhaps wanted it from before we even reached Hizuru. This is a mission to not only get rich, but also to get honor. He wants to be the hero that conquered Hizuru, perhaps he wants to conquer the whole country for himself. “Are you forgetting who you’re talking to?” I say, with an amount of confidence that I do not feel. “I can catch anything she throws my way.”

The next day, I get a call to go to the northmost garden in the castle, and a group of servants to accompany me to boot. Marco and Reiner both give me a thumbs up as the group of servants leads me away from the room; I smile confidently at them, but in reality, there’s a hole in my stomach that seems to be growing bigger.

The servants take me to a changing room first, and they hand me clothes that seem too cold for the weather outside. Black pants and a black, sleeveless shirt. I don’t ask questions, mostly because I know they won’t be answered by the group of silent servants.

I don’t want to think why she chose me last. On one hand, she might’ve not wanted to deal with my annoying ass for the first couple of days. On the other, she and Kiyomi might think to leave the best for last. Either thought is equally terrifying. Reiner and Marco met important people, and I can’t help but to wonder who I will meet todayu, or how I must act around them. I studied the members of her council, yes, but I reading about a person and meeting a person are two different things.

I find Mikasa –the princes— in a large, barren stretch of land that overlooks the mountains, talking to a man a few decades older. She wears pants and a sleeveless top much like mine, all black. I have to look at the ground as I walk forward; I’m not a prude by any means, but the clothes she has on would be considered scandalous for any hizuran royal. There is something in her hands, a black, metal-looking stick, and the man at her side holds it too.

It must be some sort of test, I tell myself. She wants to see if I can keep my mouth shut, my eyes to myself, and my face expressionless, qualities any future empress would want for a close guard. So, I must not, by all means, let my eyes wander to the curves of her body in that black ensemble, which matches so perfectly with her ponytailed hair.

I catch her eye and she gestures us all forward. The servants lead me until we’re standing six feet away from each other. I bend forward, meaning to bow, but the man with her presses the butt of his stick against my chin, stopping me.

“What?” he says in a booming voice, using eldian for my sake. “Do you intend on fighting right away?”

I blink, stepping back in an attempt of self-preservation. “Come again?”

“Sir Jean,” Mikasa —the princess says, greeting me with a polite smile I barely manage to give back. “I’m happy I look upon your face this morning.”

“Thank you, princess,” I say, stopping myself before I bow again, giving the long, heavy stick in their hands a fleeting look. “Thank you for this opportunity, princess, for letting me accompany you for the morning.”

The princess blinks at me and gives me a tight-lipped smile. “This is Yoshida Kururugi,” she says, giving the man next to her a look. “He was a head drill instructor for the hizuran troops. He became my personal teacher when I turned nine.”

The trainer looks hardened by the years, to say the least. Long scars traverse his face, prints from Hizuru’s bloody past. He stands straight, and I take that as a permission to bow before him. I do so, feeling more angered than confused. I might’ve been slightly out of line when meeting her, but that didn’t mean she had to give me this treatment.

Marco and Reiner met ministers, council members. And here I am, stuck with an old, bittered trainer for the frail princess. “Princess, I am confused,” I say after I finish greeting the man. “What are we doing today?”

She nods, acknowledging my question as valid, and takes a deep breath before answering. “We are sparring, Sir Jean,” she says, putting both hands on her long stick.

I blink, confused. “Princess, I do not wish to hurt you.”

Mikasa arches an eyebrow, in a surprisingly proud expression. “I will be fine.”

“But, princess—”

“I have not had a tall sparring partner in a while. You won’t be in trouble if you hurt me,” she says haughtily, and her voice reminds me I have no say in the discussion, no authority. If the princess wishes to spar with his shiny new present, so she shall. I hate it. “I am not familiar with eldian swordplay, and you are not familiar with eastern fighting styles.”

In that she is mistaken, I think as I try to force myself not to smile. I perhaps know more about hizuran fighting styles than she does. As much as a war veteran this man may be, Mikasa is still a princess. And no mere princess can stand against an eldian soldier.

“It shall be done as you say.” I say. The metal stick is against my chin before I can bow before her. I look at Yoshida, barely containing my frown. “I know, I know. No bowing before a fight.”

“A smart eldian,” he tells Mikasa, who nods in agreement.

“Let us begin,” she says. “You can have Kururugi’s weapon.”

Yoshida goes to the side of the training arena and Mikasa stands before me, regal, beautiful and, above all, unthreatening. I can’t say my pride isn’t more than a little hurt by her decision to make me a sparring partner, but I won’t say it aloud. If the princess wants a puppet to play sword with, I won’t make it easy for her. If the princess wants sparring, sparring she shall have. We bow to each other, and thus our fight begins without giving me a second to gloat to myself at the fact that the powerful hizuran flower has bowed for me.

She lifts her weapon and waits, her back straight, her body waiting. Ah, she wants to play the waiting game, wants me to lure her out into the struggle. Alright, I’ll give in. I charge forward with my weapon, dodging in the very last second to hit her behind her legs, thinking that if I make her loose balance, we can be done with the silly fight and move onto meeting members of her council.

To my utter shock, Mikasa jumps and avoids my stockade. She twirls, defying physics, and lands a kick to my chest that sends me stumbling back. I fall on my bottom, cursing lowly, and it is only then that I notice the muscles shifting in her arms, the way she isn’t even out of breath from her jump.

“Come, Sir Jean,” she says. “We are not finished yet.”

I stand again, feeling heat rushing to my cheeks. She’s a proud royal, and she is mocking me for having thought I could be a match to her. My pride overwhelms my sense of logic, and I charge forward again. I was the sixth best cadet in my generation; I’ve beaten Reiner at sparring, and I’ve even beaten Eren Yaegar himself at a fist fight. A mere princess with a few muscles isn’t a challenge.

She blocks my stockade again and tries hitting me with her stick, but I avoid it as good as she did it before. I hear her sighing in surprise, but I give myself no time to be proud. I kick forward, connecting my feet to her chest, and she steps back a few steps. Unlike me, however, she does not fall to the ground.

Mikasa stays at a safe distance. “You are tall, but slow.”

“You want conversation now?” I ask as we circle each other, both trying to find an opening.

“It is good to have conversation with the opponent,” she says seriously.

“Not when we’re fighting,” I reply, feeling my temper rise. “What are you hoping to get out of this?”

Mikasa blinks in confusion. She opens her mouth to answer, but I take an advantage of that brief moment of distraction to charge at her. Our weapons touch and I kick forward, but she is smaller than I am and, just as she said, I perhaps am too slow for her. She slithers away, aiming a blow at my hip, which I stop with my own weapon.

I attack once again and swing at her ankles, but she jumps and avoids the blow easily, as if she’s skipping rope. I go for her again, and my weapon connects with the muscles of her abdomen. Mikasa gives out a startled yelp, but she doesn’t back down. She charges at me with the most serene expression I’ve ever seen in a fighter and her weapon connects with my lower back.

I cry out from the pain from the sheer weight of the weapon, wondering why she isn’t crying from the blow I gave her.

“Damn you!” I shout, using my arms to grab her by the waist and lift her in the air. Not even that startles the princess, however. Letting go of her weapon, Mikasa wraps both of her legs around me and, using all her weight, brings us both down against the floor.

For a second, all I see is white flashes of light pass over my eyes, all I can feel is the throb of where her weapon connected with mine. After a moment of heavy breathing, I look down to realize she’s caught under my weight, her eyes wide in surprise and her face flushed from our fight. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“You-you—”

“I’m a great fighter?” I guess. “I know. I was sixth of my class.”

“You…”

“What is it?” I ask, my head thumping from exasperation. “You were all confidence back then. What ate your tongue?”

She flushes harder, and it is then that all the hizuran rules about physical touch flood my brain. I’m keenly aware of how little fabric we’re both using, how well I can feel the curve of her breasts against my body.

“You can’t touch me,” she pants, finding her ground and pushing me back. I move without protest, reeling still from the fact that I had her so close. Yoshida is at the princess’ side in less than five seconds, but, to my relief, I see no wish to punish me for touching the princess in his face. He eyes me up and down as the princess comes to her feet.

“Tall, slow,” he says, and I feel myself flushing in embarrassment. “Good fighter, though. Strong, good with your arms. Under whose command did you use to be?”

“Commander Smith,” I reply reluctantly. “Erwin Smith.”

“Ah, Smith,” Yoshida replies thoughtfully. “He did a good job. He must be disappointed to have lost such a good fighter.”

No, he’s looking forward to collecting another victory for Eldia, I think, but keep my mouth shut. Most of my attention is on the princess anyways. On the princess and her reddened face, the reddened shoulders, the feel of her body against mine. She averts her gaze from mine and part of me wonders if this is an accomplishment or a terrible mistake.

“Need help, boy?” Yoshida asks, his tone jovial, almost friendly, grabbing my hand to bring me to my feet. I stand, but the princess remains silent. “You sure are tall! What do people eat in Eldia?”

“I’m taller than most.” I say, giving him a half smile.

“It’s been a while since I saw the princess struggle in a fight,” Yoshida says, giving Mikasa a wide, friendly smile that she doesn’t return. I frown; it didn’t feel like she was struggling at all. “Princess?”

“Kururugi, do I have permission to leave?” she says, her eyes barely meeting mine.

Her master opens his mouth, as if recalling the rules and etiquette when it came to Mikasa. Now, he knows why she seems so upset, and why she refuses to look at me directly. “Of course, child,” he says with a nod. “You may leave. We will talk about your fight later.”

The princess runs past by me to enter the palace, and she is soon surrounded by three handmaids dressed in gray kimonos.

“I didn’t even apologize.” I say as the handmaids dress the princess with a beautiful green gown. I’m so focused on the movements of the muscles in her back that I barely have time to notice that one of the handmaids has a head of yellow hair. The liaison Zeke talked about, perhaps?

“I’m sure she will apologize to you in due time,” Yoshida says, bringing my attention back to him. “You just need to give her a little time. She is proud, but she is fair. She knows she forced your hand into the fight, and thus you broke the rules that bind her so.”

“How do you know her so well?” I venture.

Kururugi smiles at me. “Why, I’m Kiyomi’s partner. We raised her. She’s practically my daughter.” he says with an amused smile, and I curse myself for not having studied the booklet with all the information about the royals of Hizuru more thoroughly. “Don’t worry, boy, she will come around. In the meantime, I’m guessing you and I can have tea out in the gardens.”

I swallow saliva. Sure, she can’t stay shy forever, but I have a mission to fulfill. A timed mission, a mission that will make me richer than God. I don’t have time for the princess to be shy, or to be offended. What if she stays mad for the whole year?

I look at Kururugi, feeling the hole in my stomach become true and deep. This is the man who has raised her, the man who has trained her in the hizuran arts of combat. And I just embarrassed the princess in front of him. No, I touched the princess in front of him. I had her under my body in front of him, which must be the royal hizuran equivalent of getting caught half-naked by your own father in a barn, with a boy.

I feel lightheaded suddenly. I definitely screwed up.

[yodawgiherd]

Too Close For Comfort pt.1

>>>Read on AO3<<<

I wanted to take a short break from writing canonverse, and luckily I had an idea to write. In most EM fics, Eren and Mikasa get together as adults (if at all ;( ) and the story usually ends with them realizing their love. So I thought, what if they were better at talking and were together for a looooong time? What if they weren't two lonely souls but the annoying couple that is pissing everyone off by being so in love with one another? Well... :D This first part is mostly world-building to establish the AU setting, the second part will be focused on the perils of their friends who have to deal with Eren and Mikasa being hopelessly in love since childhood. Hopefully you'll like it :)

Mikasa and Eren are nine years old when they first confess their love to each other.

Each confession is for a different reason, as the two lifetime neighbors both experienced an event that made them reconsider what they felt towards their childhood friend.

Eren was teased by Jean again, and when the guy said that he had “A hundred girlfriends already.”, he was flabbergasted.

“Where did you get them?”, Eren asked, but all Jean did was a smirk.

“As if I would ever tell a virgin like you.”

Which presented a new problem, because Eren had no idea what a virgin is. He knew that his mother used virgin oil sometimes, but the logical part of his brain argued that Jean was hardly talking about that. So, he asked the smartest guy he knew. Armin explained that a virgin is a person who didn’t have sex yet, but that didn’t help.

“What is sex?”, Eren wanted to know.

“N-Nothing important.”, Armin stuttered, “Don’t worry about it.”

Telling Eren Yeager not to worry about something is practically beginning him to search for it. So, he asked the second smartest person he knew. Grisha spat out the coffee he was drinking when Eren asked, telling him to ask his mother. Carla went white in the face and demanded to know where Eren heard it. Not about to snitch on Armin, he lied that he heard it in school, so Carla frowned and said: “We will tell you when you get older.”

Nuh-uh.

It was risky, but Eren managed to google sex during a computer class, and what he found made his eyes go wide. It also greatly increased his respect towards Jean, if he was able to do it with a hundred girls already he must be quite a specimen. The respect was tainted by a large dose of jealousy. If Jean was able to get a hundred girls, why couldn’t Eren get even one? That wasn’t fair.

And thinking about it, about a girl he would like to be close to, Mikasa was an obvious answer.

Mikasa’s confession was fueled by a movie. It was R-rated, and she watched it in secret so her parents wouldn’t know. There was a lot of blood and death, but what traumatized her was the romance between the main cast. The girl was forced to kill her lover in the end, saving the world but dooming their love in the process. Mikasa cried her eyes out at that, so sad about the tragic and unfair world, and it got her thinking too. Who was a guy that she would never like to kill? Someone that she cared for a lot and would like to be more than friends with? The answer was easy.

When they met the next day, both had a confession ready, so they went to sit under the tree where they often played, staring anywhere but at each other.

“I... I need to tell you something.”, Eren finally pushed out.

“Me too. Uhm, do you want to go first?”

“No, let’s do it at the same time, okay?”

“Okay…”

3.2.1..

“I love you Mi-…”

“Eren, I love y-…”

Now they were staring at each other, cheeks flushed. Talk about a coincidence. They spent a lot of time together as always, and when Eren came home, he puffed out his chest and walked to his parents.

“I have a girlfriend now.”

Zeke, who was visiting from college, laughed and high-fived him, Grisha’s eyebrows rode so high that they disappeared into his hairline, and Carla was worried sick until Eren told them that it’s Mikasa.

“Oh good.”, she reached down, ruffling his hair, “I’m happy for you, sweetie.”

Mikasa had a much colder time at home because Levi threatened to kill that guy, her father was silent and her mother rubbed her pregnant belly, sighing.

“Are you sure that you want to get into this business so young?”, she asked.

But Mikasa wouldn’t budge, and her parents knew better than to try and convince her. Even Levi backed down because Mikasa said that if he harms Eren she will never talk to him again.

And just like that, they were dating.

It didn’t change much at first. Eren announced it out loud at school to Jean, who frowned and said whatever.

“She looks weird anyway.”, he scoffed, “Her eyes are slanted and her skin too pale, my girlfriends are much prettier.”

That was enough to make Eren jump him in defense of Mikasa’s honor, and the teacher had to separate them. Eren got a bleeding nose and a written notice to his parents, but he couldn’t care less. In his vicinity, not Mikasa slander would be tolerated.

Years went by.

They shared their first kiss at eleven, but it was strange and not very enjoyable.

“Are we doing it the right way?”, Eren wondered, unsure why would the adults ever bother with it.

“I think so, it looked like this in all the movies.”, Mikasa said, somewhat disappointed.

“Maybe it will get better when we are older.”, Eren offered, “We can just stick to hand-holding till then, you like that, right?”

Mikasa blushed and nodded, so he grabbed her hand and they headed to Armin’s house, kiss almost forgotten.

It took two years before they started the whole kissing thing again, and Eren was right. It did get better with age. It was also around that time when he started noticing things. He knew that Mikasa is pretty, but as she was growing up he had to reconsider that statement. Mikasa was much more than pretty, she was beautiful. At the age of thirteen, it didn’t mean much, only that he was more and more proud of his girlfriend.

Another two years passed, and things were starting to get heated.

Mikasa got into the whole goth thing, wearing black and whatnot, she even tried getting Eren into it. Unsuccessfully, but he always allowed her to try her make-up on him, or dressed as she wanted sometimes to appease her. He did like how she looked though, the dark makeup and black lipstick suited her, not even mentioning that fishnets and chokers were hot as fuck

She got her cartilages pierced and added piercings to her earrings, another thing that Eren was too scared to try. They would get a tattoo together, he promised, but had to wait till eighteen because Carla was strictly against it.

The kissing got even better, and now Eren’s hands were roaming all over her body while he was doing it. Mikasa also did her part of groping, and the young couple was slowly but surely edging towards the one thing all parents fear. Intimacy.

More and more often, Eren was coming home with face covered in black lipstick smudges. A lot of love bites bloomed on Mikasa’s pale neck and trying to hide it with her red scarf didn’t help. Their parents noticed, and they did not like what they saw.

Grisha tried to have “the talk” with Eren while taking him on a fishing trip, but Zeke tagged along and was ruining it with his goofy faces and bad-timed laughter. In the end, when Grisha got the message across to the red-faced Eren, Zeke pulled out a pack of condoms and threw them at his brother.

“It’s dangerous to go alone.”, he said dramatically, “Take this.”

Grisha hit him over the head for that, but to Zeke, it was totally worth it.

Mikasa got the talk too, first from her mother and then from Levi, who sat on her bed and described in detail all the ways he’s going to kill Eren if he ever does anything inappropriate to her. She threw him out of her room, slammed the door and that was it.

Despite all the good-natured warnings, and Levi’s threats, they began easing into it at sixteen. Mikasa sneaked into Eren’s room, because she could climb the tree next to his window without breaking a sweat, and their classic make-out session was interrupted when Eren’s hand slipped under her black panties.

“Can I…?”, he asked in a weak voice, but Mikasa found herself wanting it.

She watched so many romantic movies, Twilight being one of her favorites, and the physical romance was always glossed over. She wanted to experience it herself. And honestly? It was pretty good, being touched by Eren. Just like that, the gates sprang open and warnings of parents were forgotten.

They experimented at first. Hands touched, mouths kissed, tongued swiped over. Internet was a great teacher because for once Eren didn’t feel like asking Armin about the stuff. And they found their way.

Mikasa and Eren had sex for the first time at the age of seventeen, tipsy from Jean’s house party but not too drunk to not know what they are doing. It was okay but not as mind-blowing as Mikasa wanted it, and Eren promised that they would get better at this.

And they did, both eager to do so. Eren now had black lipstick not only on his face, but around his crotch too, and Mikasa’s love bites spread from her neck to her thighs.

On a nice day, when the sun was out and the neighbors got together for a small party, Grisha was manning the grill alongside Mr. Ackerman, the two of them having a beer and overall a nice time. Eren and Mikasa were doing their usual thing, which meant sitting in a corner with her on his lap, sharing kisses and giggles, and overall just ignoring the rest of the world. Next to them, Armin was with the rest of the kids, the whole group doing their best to not be weirded out. Then again, they kinda got used to it at this point. Seeing it all, Grisha couldn’t help but wonder out loud to his neighbor and friend.

“Do you think that our children are having sex?”

Taking a swig of his beer, Mikasa’s father wanted to deny it, but deep in his heart knew that he could not.

“I just hope that Levi won’t find out.”, he said, making Grisha laugh.

When eighteen and college hit, Eren fulfilled his promise and they got a matching tattoo together, wings on their backs. Going to the same college, of course, they rented an apartment because being separated by dorms was too much of a pain for the pair. Everything was great, everything was perfect, and the couple couldn’t be happier.

But did their friends feel the same way?

[nerdybookworm25]

Rambling about Katara and Zutara

Ok so I’m going to kind of just put my two cents out there on this stuff. I joined the ATLA fandom this past summer and just started watching TLOK (my brother and I just finished Book 2 yesterday). This is a hot debate and I just want to ramble on about my opinions on this stuff. A lot of this will focus on Katara’s perspective because I can understand her better than Zuko or Aang due to personal experience. Im just... gonna... get into it now...

I’ll give you some background on me so you guys can understand where I’m coming from. I’m a 15 year old girl with abandonment issues caused by multiple deaths of close friends and family at a young age (my uncle when I was 4, a grandmother like figure when I was 7, my dad’s mum when I was 9 or 10, my great grandma when I was 11, a close friend of my dad’s when I was 13 and many others). I also am the Mum Friend (my friends literally call me “Mum”). I’m the caregiver of the group- the glue, the harmonizer, the therapist, the teacher, the good advice giver etc. (This stuff actually hot me in trouble as a kid and it kind of messed me up). My friends who have seen Avatar have compared me to Katara on multiple occasions and say I’ve got the temperament of a waterbender. You can kind of see where I’d relate, you know?

I do ship Zutara. My brother turned to me during the Book 1: Water- Episode 9~ The Waterbending Scroll and asked, “What if Zuko becomes a good guy and ends up with Katara?” From then on I was on the Zutara hill and I’ll probably die there. It limited ships that I loved from childhood and I thought it would hav been really cool- it would have fit the themes of the show, it would have been a cool thing to see grow and blossom, etc. It had nothing to do with Katara and Zuko being attractive at all- not in the slightest. It also wasn’t me projecting onto Katara. I didn’t really care to notice any major similarities between us until Book Three: Fire- Episode 7~ The Runaway. It was this exchange that changed Katara from my favorite character to someone I could heavily relate to.

Toph: [Sarcasically.] Oh really, Mom? Or what are you gonna do? Send me to my room?

Katara: I wish I could!

Toph: well you can’t! Because you’re not my mom, and you’re not their mom! [Extends her arm at Aang and Sokka, who are sitting on a ledge.]

Katara: I never said I was!

Toph: No, but you act like it! You think it’s your job to boss everyone around, but it’s not! You’re just a regular kid like the rest of us! Stop acting like you can tell me what to do! I can do whatever I want!

I remember bursting out laughing when I heard this. My brother asked me what was up and I paused it and explained that that was a lecture I revived so regularly when I was younger. It really really ended up messing me up. It’s not like I tried to mother anyone- it just happened. I wasn’t controlling it. I didn’t notice I was doing it and I got in trouble. Now things are different and I’ve embraced the fact that I am the designated Mum Freind. Still working on getting over being told off about it in therapy though. Anyway, I think you now can understand where I’m coming from with this “analysis.” Now I’m going to get into it (for real this time lol).

I think I’m going to start with the caregiver stuff. Katara’s mother died when she was very young. It was a very traumatic death. We can infer that Katara blamed herself for this death because the Southern Raiders were looking for the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe- her. That’s a lot for an 8 year old to try to process. Here’s the kicker: I don’t think she ever fully processed it until after Book 3: Fire- Episode 16~ The Southern Raiders. She almost immediately helped her grandmother take up the roll as the woman of the house. She probably didn’t feel like she had anyone to talk to about what she was feeling however true or false that’s what she most likely perceived this to be. When Hakoda leaves for war with all of the men of the tribe, Kanna might be the matriarch and help raise Sokka and Katara but even Sokka admits that Katara became a pseudo-mother for him. Taking care of others doesn’t leave a lot of time to deal with your own issues. Sometimes it feels easier to help others face their demons than face your own.

We continue to see Katara become the glue of the Gaang as the series progresses. She keeps them together in the Si Wong desert after Aang leaves her, Sokka, Toph, and Momo. She’s always the one cooking, cleaning, and mending not because she wants to, but because she knows no one else will do it and it needs to be done. We see her try to coax Toph into helping out around camp when she firsts joins the Gaang. It doesn’t work and this conflict continues for most of Book 2 and the beginning of Book 3. All of this time, she’s making it a point to take care of everyone. When the adults show up after the Boiling Rock, she’s still the one making the dinner and probably does a lot of the other chores as well (except for tea making- this will come into play later).

There’s a running joke about Katara being “Momtara” within the ATLA fandom (more the Zutaraians in the fandom than anything else but it’s a pretty well known concept). We continue to see this when the Gaang is on Ember Island. She brings them all drink during training sessions, watches said training sessions in case someone gets hurt and they need her, wrangles Sokka to the best of her ability, and just generally looks out for everyone regardless of age gap. It’s her natural instinct to be motherly. She retains this quality even after she finds Yon Rha. (Getting closure on her mother’s death doesn’t mean losing what had become a major personality trait).

Let’s unpack that now, shall we? Kya dies and Katara thinks it’s her fault. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about it. A few years later, Hakoda leaves to fight in the war. The Southern Water Tribe recives no letters or news about what happened to their warriors at all. Katara felt like she lost another parent. She nearly says as much during Book 3: Fire- Episode 1~ The Awakening.

Hakoda: You’re taking about me too, aren’t you?

Katara: How could you leave us, Dad? [She attempts to wipe away the tears.] I mean, I know we had Gran-Gran, and she loved us, but we were just so lost without you.

Hakoda moves to comfort her as she turns away.

Hakoda: I’m so sorry, Katara.

Katara: [Embraces Hakoda.] I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I’m so sad and angry and hurt!

The thing that sets off this exchange is Aang running away for the third time since Katara has known him (the fourth time in Aang’s lifetime). The other times he ran were when confronted by the rude fisherman in Book 1: Water- Episode 12~ The Storm, then again during Book 2: Earth- Episode 11~ The Desert. Aang has a, for lack of a better word, chronic running away problem. I’m not mad at him for it. It makes him an interesting character and shows that he too has flaws (even if they aren’t always addressed but that’s an issue with Bryke). When Aang flys away after waking up during 3.1, Katara is distraught.

Katara: He left.

Hakoda: What?

Katara: Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone, that it’s all his responsibility.

Hakoda: Maybe that’s his way of being brave.

Katara: Its not brave, it’s selfish and stupid! We could be helping him and I know the world needs him, but doesn’t he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind?

Katara feels abandoned by Aang. This is completely understandable. She has every right to be angry at him and feel sad that he flew away. He comes back every time but I feel like if I were in her position, as much as I’d hope my friend would come back and I’d tell everyone that I knew he would, I’d still be afraid that there was an off chance that he doesn’t. This is a natural human reaction to this situation. People were seemingly constantly fading in and out of Katara’s life and that just wasn’t good for her mental health. It couldn’t have been. This also raises the question of if someone has a very serious fear of abandonment, would it be healthy to be in a romantic relationship with someone who consistently leaves? Personally I don’t think so. Be friends? Sure. Date? I don’t know. It doesn’t quite sit right with me.

Katara probably feels abandoned by Zuko too. During the Book 2 Finale: Crossroads of Destiny, Katara and Zuko bond in the crystal catacombs under Ba Sing Se. They relate over their shared fear of being abandoned by those they love (yes I think Zuko has abandonment issues too- among other issues/fears). When he turns his back on her, she doesn’t live him (obviously). She has cared about him enough up to that point to offer to use what is arguably her most powerful possession to heal his scar. She cares. Because she cares about him then, she is downright livid when he betrays her. (Of course the difference between Zuko and Aang with this is Zuko leaves once and comes back and he doesn’t leave again. Aang leaves and comes back over and over and over again).

Katara: I thought you had changed!

Zuko: I have changed!

Katara carries the weight of his betrayal on her mind until she and Zuko go on their life changing field trip to confront the man who killed Katara’s mother. This was her time to finally get closure. She had probably had these feelings bottled up for 6 years and didn’t act on them. When she finally had the chance, her best friend and brother tried to stop her. She lashed out.

Katara: We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.

Sokka pauses and stands up, surprised.

Zuko: Sokka told me the story of what happened. I know who did it and I know how to find him.

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: [Shakes her head in dismay.] Ugh, I knew you wouldn’t understand. [Begins to walk away.]

Aang: Wait! Stop! I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?

Zuko: She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure and justice.

Aang: I don’t think so. I think this is about getting revenge.

Katara: [Angrily.] Fine, maybe it is! Maybe it’s what he deserves!

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

Katara: Its not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster.

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn’t love her the way I did!

Sokka: [Hurt.] Katara!

Katara gets a lot of flack for this interaction. She says Sokka didn’t love their mother like she did and Sokka I’d understandably hurt. It doesn’t excuse what she said, but people do lash out when they are feeling a lot of emotions and they get defensive when they feel like they’re being ganged up on or attacked (I myself am guilty of this sort of thing). What Katara said was wrong but I have no doubt in my mind that she didn’t apologize to Sokka when he and the rest of the Gaang arrive on Ember Island later in the episode. She is seen walking over to him after she hugs Zuko.

Zuko and Katara go after Yon Rha anyway. For once in her life, Katara is feeling emotions and no one is trying to get her to stop or to push them aside. She doesn’t have to be constantly taking care of someone so she can focus on herself. Katara trusts Zuko more than I think she realizes. I mean she trusts him with a lot and he follows through on a lot of unspoken/subconscious agreements and promises.

Zuko is looking out for her. Zuko has her back. Zuko is allowing her to feel all of these emotions and work them out of her own accord. Zuko isn’t telling her to feel one way or another. Zuko isn’t going to judge her for whatever she decides to do when they find Yon Rha or what she does in order for them to get to that point. Zuko ensures she gets the closure she feels she needs.

When he sees her bloodbend, he’s surprised, but he isn’t appalled. When he thinks she’s going to run Yon Rha through with a giant shard of ice, he doesn’t try to stop her. He lets her be her. He sees a dark side of her in a way that no one else in the Gaang has seen. It’s strangely intimate. Clearly it has enough of an impact to make her forgive him. She knows he isn’t going to abandon betray her and her friend again.

Once they become friends, and even before that, Zuko starts to help out with small things here and there. We see him making tea for all of the kids at dinner. He tells jokes to make them laugh. He teaches Aang firebending. He goes with Sokka to the Boiling Rock to make sure he doesn’t get himself killed or in a prison cell for the rest of his life. With all of this, “Dadko” is born.

If you strip away Zuko’s anger, he just becomes the awkward-turtleduck-first-time-father that we all know and love. There’s more balance in the Gaang with him there to help and become an “authority” figure with Katara. They become the parents of the other members of the Gaang. It’s an interesting shift in their relationship- enemies to unsteady acquaintances to enemies to frenemies to friends. They’re close enough that they show small signs of physical intimacy and they tease each other.

Also if you look close enough when the Gaang walks into the “seedy Earth Kingdom tavern,” Zuko and Katara appear to be holding hands and are near each other from then until the finale episodes. They are clearly just great friends by the end of the show. I mean Zuko also takes a bolt of lightning to the chest for her...

Zuko doesn’t leave when his life gets difficult- not after he joins the Gaang. He made that mistake once and he won’t make it again. Aang was always part of the Gaang but continued to leave (again, I’m not mad at him for it but he never seems to realize the effect it has on the people around him- especially Katara). Zuko also doesn’t all but forget Katara and continue to run around the world. When Zuko fully decides to stick around, you best believe he is sticking around.

This works really well for Zutara. They’re both each other’s rock. They support each other and help each other in times of trouble. Do they argue? Yes. Is that a normal part of a healthy relationship- romantic or otherwise? Yes. Do they take care of and look out for each other while also not smothering or suffocating each other? Yes. I don’t know about you but this sounds stable and healthy to me. They balance each other out so well (I’m not going to get too into that because if you’re reading this you probably already know with the whole Tui and La, Yin and Yang, Oma and Shu thing).

Now, this is a big deal for me and it makes me furious, but Katara is forgotten by history. She has no statue. She is reduced to a housewife and healer- things our wonderful water feminist was afraid of becoming as an adult. I mean this girl

This girl

THIS GIRL

She becomes nothing but a housewife stuck in a healing hut who gets forgotten by the world and left behind by her family just... let’s all of that happen? Yeah that’s pretty unrealistic. I think about this frequently and with starting TLOK I have formed even more opinions and have a little thingy (I don’t know what to call it) for what happened to her.

Kya II is everything Teenage Katara wanted to do and be before settling down. Old Katara is everything Teenage Katara was so afraid of become reduced to/becoming.

It’s an interesting way to think about it and I thought I’d share. Now if Katara was Fire Lady, she wouldn’t end up like that. She’d have the power to change the world and continue to fight for what she believed in. She could have helped with the trail with Yakone. Katara has so much potential to not be forgotten or brushed aside and somehow it happened. It makes me so sad. The potential Zutara had to make sure Katara had a genuine legacy was right there at their finger tips and they didn’t use it. What a shame. What a shame.

With all of the things I’ve talked about, I just feel like Zutara would have been better for Katara than Kataang was. I think that’s more Bryke not developing the relationship well enough and instead choosing to be sloppy and selfish in the way they structured the relationship. Yeah this is my rambling on about the issue. Hope it was mildly entertaining! If you want me to write something about how Zuko would have benefited from Zutara, let me know!

[littlebitoffanfic]

The Next Chapter

Fandom: Twilight Characters: the Volturi Relationship: Caius/reader Request: Would you ever write for Caius from the Volturi (twilight)? One where the readers running from a vampire and goes to them for some reason and they keep her even though shes a human because they realise shes Caius mate?

Walking through the large halls, you tried to stop your hands from shaking as you carried the metal tray with your note on it. You passed Heidi on your way, who frowned when she saw you didn’t flash her your normal smile. Most of the vampires had seemed to like you. Aro thought it might be a gift which would grow if you were turned. But some thought you were just naturally likeable. You had been the secretary for the Volturi for 5 years now, and had outlasted thousands of other. Most didn’t make it past 6 months, but you had settled quiet well into your role and no one had reason to grow angry towards you. At first, they had looked down their noses at you, but over time you had gained a little respect from most. Most surprisingly had been the closeness you had formed with Caius. Of the three kings, he was the one you were sure would kill you straight away. He was cold and uncaring in nature, his ruthlessness was know far among the vampire world. A world you had stumbled into when you had been kidnapped to be turned. The vampires had been planning to build a newborn army to challenge the Volturi. For months, they kept you hidden in a warehouse, waiting for their chance to change you. it was there that you managed to find out what their plan was and what they intended to do. One night, you had managed to escape and only had a handful of options. You could run but they would find you. they had your scent. Or you could go to the Volturi themselves. Either way you would die, but going to the Volturi would mean they wouldn’t keep kidnapping people. They wouldn’t be able to turn them. When you had ran into the large cathedral of a building, Felix had been the first to grab you. “I think you might have taken a wrong turn.” Demetri had purred, walking up with a smirk on his face. “I need to speak to the Volturi. Ive got information.” You gasped as you tried to calm your racing heart. They had taken you to the leaders. Perhaps they thought you could give information. Perhaps they thought their leaders could do with a snack. The first time you had entered the great room where the thrones stood, you had never been so fearful. Aro had taken your hand, read your thoughts and seen what you had seen. He flinched, turning to the others and relaying your experience. “Why does the human tell us this?” Marcus had mussed, deep in thought as his eyes trailed over you in curiosity. You couldn’t answer. You didn’t even fully understand yourself why you had come. “Strange, very strange indeed.” Aro had chuckled, dropping your hand and walking back to his throne. “She doesn’t want a war. She came because she believed she would be hunted by the vampire who took her.” “So she wants protection.” Caius had half spat at you, making you flinch a little. It wasn’t a question. “No, dear brother. She thinks we’ll kill her as well. She wants peace, like us.” Aro mused, tilting his head from side to side as if weighing options in his mind. “Jane.” The girl had approached with a soft but almost nasty smile, obviously thinking her powers would have been needed. But no one could have predicted Aros next move. “take young [y/n] to a room. We have been in need of a new secretary.” He had smiled at you. From then on, you had been a loyal servant of the Volturi. You were still human, but you knew their plans for you. The vampires who had kidnapped you had escaped barely when the Volturi had came for them. Over the last few year, two of the three had been hunted down and killed. Each one having to pass you when they came to face justice. It was something you were sure the volturi had made a spectacle of. As if to say ‘she stayed with us’. Either way, Jane always stay beside you. She was another you couldn’t understand her fondness of you. She was so cold to the others, yet you caught sight of a young girl who had been lost in a sea of blood. She spoke with you, and you often did her hair and makes up for her as you did Heidi. She came to rant about her other ‘co-workers’ as you worked and your room had often became her safe haven when she was irritated or annoyed. It was nice. At least you had her on your side if you were to go into this dark world. You knew they would change you when they felt like it. And it seemed that they knew something you didn’t. Aro and Marcus always seemed to volunteer Caius whenever you needed something. They pushed him to show you around, a duty he obviously thought below himself. After that it had been smaller ways. If you entered the room to speak to them, he was the one who walked up to you first, something you knew was normally Aro when others came. Caius was the one would had told you of the laws of the vampire world, making you feel like you were being chastised for something as he sat upon his throne. And yet, you couldn’t deny how attracted to him you were. Yes, all the volturi were beautiful, but you felt a real pull towards Caius. And, as like the others, he warmed to you over time. Whenever he was bored, he would summon you to speak with. He veiled it as he wished to double check your knowledge, but you two would have long conversations about old literature or key points in history. But now, as you entered the throne room, everyone knew something was wrong with you. Caius appeared in front of you, his eyes darting down to the shaking tray with the message you had written. From Felix. Taking it, he retreated to his brothers as they read the note. Felix and Demetri had caught the final vampire from the group who had organised your change. And he was bringing him back. “You fear him. But not the other two?” Marius askes, his own concern for you showing. “He was the most cruel. The others, it was a means to an end. But him? He was nasty to me. He’d taunt us, threaten us.” You looked to Aro, knowing he knew what you had seen in your time there. “Perhaps, our dear [y/n] should stay here for the trial.” Aro spoke to the others but his eyes didn’t leave yours. Caius suddenly stood right next to him, an almost aggressive stance with his back to you as he silently questioned his brother. Perhaps he didn’t want a human in the room during vampire affairs, perhaps he knew something else. The latter seemed true as Aro turned to Caius. “A fitting time, do you not agree? It will end that chapter quite nicely.” He smiled, and you saw Caius turn back to you. He guided you to the right hand of the throne room, where the ancient books and a desk were kept. You wondered if this was just because it would be the best place for you, or if it was because it was closer to him. “Be carful.” You whispered to Caius when you were out of earshot of the others. Not that it mattered, but a lifetime of living with people with normal hearing made you forget that they could hear the smallest whisper in this room. “Hes really dangerous.” “You have nothing to fear inside this room.” Caius suddenly turned you towards him and took your chin between his thumb and forefinger. This caught you by surprise. Not only was this an incredibly intimate gesture (especially for someone of the Volturi) but it was also something which showed incredible strength or control of on his part. He could very easily break your jaw, or twist your neck with such a movement. And in the moment, you melted and forgot about the rest of the room as you smiled thankfully at him. Again, you forgot about how they could hear your pulse, and how it started to race when he touched you, spoke to you in such a way. The moment was ruined when Alec walked in with his sister, who had both been away hunting them. Something happened which you missed. When Caius left you, Jane was there, standing slightly in front of you with her back to you, in an almost protective manner. You looked up to Caius who had taken his seat on his throne, a small smile on his lips. Then you heard them. Felix and Demetri hauled in the vampire, whos name you only knew as Arthur. You wandered how they had got him down here without a sound, till you remembered Alec had probably taken his senses until he was here and suddenly realized where he was. “Ah, Arthur. It has been a long time since we last saw you. Well, for some of us.” Aros gazes travels to you in the corner. When Arthurs red eyes find your own, you see only one thing. Hatred. “Ill kill you.” He spat before doing something that made your heart stop. He managed to twist out of the guards grip and started to lunge towards you. Caius stood, something you had never seen before. He didn’t normally rise from his throne out of concern. But then you realised why Jane was in front of you. “Pain.” She mumbled and Arthur dropped to the ground, writhing. “Time, I think, for us to close this chapter.” Aro spoke to Caius as Felix and Demetri moved to grab Arthurs arms again. Jane stepped to the side as something within the room seemed to shift and Caius was there. He was in front of you in a heartbeat, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you flush against his body before backing you till you felt the large table behind you. Then you felt it. His teeth sunk into the tender flesh of your neck. You let out a yelp, but didn’t struggle away from him. No, you clung to him, hands griping at the fabric of his suit as you felt the burning begin to race through your blood. Caius pulled back, your blood covering his lips as his gaze found your own. He then did something that had been more shocking than the bite. He kissed you. Hungrily and almost animalistic as he controlled every aspect which you gave him freely. You kissed him back, despite the pain that was starting to flow throughout your whole body. You knew it would get worse, and you knew it would be unbearable, but you were too wrapped up in his kiss. you whined, tugging on his jacket in a desperate attempt for more. You didn’t dare to reach up and cup his cheeks or run your fingers through his hair, no matter how desperately you wanted to. There was not just you two in the room. Suddenly, the pain erupted in your body, and Caius pulled back. “When you wake, you’ll be my queen.” He whispered in your ear, before lifting you onto the tabletop to lie down. You looked up and saw Alec walking towards you, the white mist already ahead of him as it crept up and slowly engulfed you. it took it away. The pain, the ache and even the feeling of the desk beneath you yet it kept you unmoving. All except your hearing and sight. Perhaps he needed to concentrate on the pain first, or perhaps he had been told to keep you awake for a bit. “It would seem you had tried to take attack Caius’ mate. Tut tut.” Aros voice was cool and calm yet there was an underlying sense of anger you had never heard from him. But his words were not lost on you. His mate. Your eyes darted to Caius who walked menacingly up to join his brothers side in front of the vampire. “I meant no-“ The male shook his head, obviously trying to plead for his life. “No what?” Caius interrupted. “no harm? Yet you tried to rile an army against us?” “no, please, that is not-“ The man tried to speak, but Caius stepped directly in front of the man. “You did drive her here, so for that, I’ll be gracious.” Caius growled, as he reached out and placed a hand on either side of the vampires head. Felix and Demetri seemed to know exactly what this meant, as they stated to pull at the same time. Caius ripped the head off the vampire while the others took his limbs. You felt your heart swell as you watched the man you loved kill the one who had hurt you in the past. Your… mate. You suddenly understood. They would have had to have a trial, like the other two, which had taken hours. Yet, by having you there, having Caius chose to turn you then, it meant Arthur was immediately allowed to be executed. They had discussed it, arranged it. Even down to the guards letting him slip through their fingers, placing Jane in front of you. You understood. This was the plan. Your vision began to become blurry as your seemed to dip in and out of consciousness. His words ran through your mind as you slowly began to fall into the final sleep. “My queen.” He had said. You were going to be his. You couldn’t wait for the next chapter to begin.

[ivyandink]

How The Ivy’s End - Season 1

it’s long af, so below the cut. at the end is a brief tldr; too for u instant gratification fans

Levi & Penelope

Levi and Penelope, after raising 4 kids together (Luna, Dorian [Penny + Zach’s baby, passed off as Levi’s], Morgan and Charlotte [Penny+Levi’s twins]), have a struggling relationship.

Levi is constantly trying to make things work, to make Penny happy, and to find the ‘spark’ they once had, in an attempt to revive their dead bedroom (yup!!! rip). Penny gets put on a project at work that has her teaming up with a legal consultant... none other than ex-boyfriend Justin Brees!

While Levi is struggling to work on his relationship with Penelope, raise his children, and manage his relationship with Luna’s mom Megan, Penelope is starting to feel things she hasn’t felt in a while-- but for Justin. 

When Levi and Penny’s neighbor hits on Levi one afternoon, after he rejects her she tells him she knows his relationship is falling apart-- she sees it, because so is hers. Turns out... she maybe have been right!! Penelope starts toying with the idea of breaking things off with Levi, to pursue Justin; the way she feels around him is just incomparable.

She’s ready to pull the trigger, and put an end to their ~4 years together when... Zach shows up. The father of her first child (who everyone thinks is Levi’s!), the man who spun a wild tale about a mysterious man he worked for, and some sort of danger which meant he had to disappear for a while. It took time, but eventually Penelope realized she’d been played. Zach, an avid reader nonetheless, made up a wild story all to avoid responsibility. 

Or did he.....?

Feeling the pressure and a surge of emotions from Zach’s return, Penelope finds comfort in the familiar, and reels herself back in from breaking things off with Levi. Together, they try to determine what to do about Zach being back in the picture, and wanting to meet his son. Penelope is adamant that she doesn’t want to give him a chance, but Levi, despite how much he wants to agree with her, can’t, after having experienced what it was like to not be able to see your own child. He urges her to hear Zach out, at the very least.

And when she does, it turns out... Zach’s story wasn’t as farfetched of a lie as she thought. He was on the hook for partaking in a money laundering scheme, through his business, Scratch Publishing. He’d fallen into the scheme thanks to a man he met and befriend in his NA group-- Michael Windsor. By the time he’d realized what was happening, he was in too deep to safely get out. That was why he’d pushed Penelope away in the first place, broken up with her over something trivial, and run when she’d told him about the baby. He couldn’t risk bringing her down with him. Thankfully, the statute of limitations on money laundering was five years, and with a solid four under his belt and no red flags or contact from Mr. Windsor, he figured it’d be safe to come back.

In awe of his words, Penelope’s harsh demeanor starts to slowly dismantle. The thing she’d always held against Zach was his abandonment, his betrayal, and how much he’d broken her heart when she was certain they were truly, deeply in love. How did she feel about him now that it turned out all of that was to protect her?

Slowly, but surely, Penelope allows Zach back into her, and Dorian’s life. Zach and his son bond almost instantly, which is both heartwarming and troubling. Dorian had been raised thinking Levi was his dad... what were they to say now? For Levi especially, it was hard seeing a child he’s come to see as his own, be taken away... rightfully so, by his biological father... but nonetheless, it wasn’t easy. Especially not for a second time. Within himself, now Levi has to grapple with the dilemma of how to tell his entire family he’d lied to them for four years...

Eventually, he tells them all, and once the chaos and confusion of it all blows over, things start to settle into a nice (albeit, strange) routine with Levi, Penelope, Zach and Dorian. As Zach grows closer with his son, he grows closer with Penelope too-- the old inside jokes, the literary references, the intimate teasing they’d once had together, all slowly starts to come back. Meanwhile, Justin is still spending late nights working with Penelope, and talking to her far too much to be considered strictly professional. Oh, and she’s still with Levi, and raising four children with him....

Levi, focusing on his family and his career, is presented with the opportunity of a lifetime. An international trip, to photograph at some of the top fashion events in Paris. He knows it’d be a game changer for his career, but declines the offer, in favor of staying home, where he can keep an eye on his kids, and more importantly, his relationship, which seems to be falling apart at the seems, and slipping through his fingers like water. (Somewhere in there, Luna gets into child modeling lol.)

After months of battling her emotions, dealing with the revisiting of old feelings of abandonment with Zach (both romantic and parental... him leaving Dorian mirrors her own father leaving her much to much for comfort) and trying to make the best decision not only for herself, but for her family(s?), Penelope decides to end things with Levi. She realizes that if she is feeling so conflicted (and over three men, at that!), that Levi deserves better. She jumped head first into motherhood at such a young age, and lost herself in the tumult of it all. She needed time to be alone-- no Levi, no Justin, no Zach-- to be herself for once, and find out who that woman was. 

....to be continued...

Violet & Jordan

Vi and Jordan couldn’t have a more perfect life. A beautiful daughter, a brand new home, a fancy lifestyle, and a brand new baby boy on the way to complete it all. There had never been a couple more in love in the history of time than Violet and Jordan-- that’s what they like to think anyways.

Their biggest crises is Jordan’s desire to start his own business. After near a decade of working in restaurants, and five years managing one, and a lifetime interest as a hobbyist chef, Jordan realizes that his biggest dream is to open his own catering company. There’s only one problem-- it’s expensive. And truth be told, with an obstetrician for a wife, Jordan isn’t exactly the primary breadwinner in his family.

With a mountain of medical school debt still to be paid, two brand new cars, a brand new house, and two children that need college funds, Violet is gun shy over Jordan’s new proposal. Jordan takes this to mean that his wife doesn’t believe in him, which ensues a few nights of arguments, cold shoulders, and sleeping on the couch (J, not Vi, of course).

But suddenly, that all becomes trivial when Jordan gets a phone call..... his father has died. This news rocks his world. His father had never been much of a father to him, and in fact, had been his abuser growing up. As soon as he was old enough, he’d cut ties with both his parents and got the hell out of dodge. He is filled with a strange feeling-- not quite sadness, but not relief, but a weird mixture of the two. His grieving mother begs him to come home for the funeral. For the moment, Vi and J set their disagreements aside, and say goodbye as Jordan leaves his very pregnant wife to catch a flight to Willow Creek.

To put it simply, this is an intense experience for Jordan. Being back in a place he associates with his terrible childhood, in a place he hated and couldn’t wait to run from...He hardly knows how to process it all. He is happy to see his mother, and grateful now she can be free from her husband’s abuse, too. Except... she’s not happy he’s gone. She doesn’t see herself as freed-- she would’ve defended her husband until the grave, no matter how many bruises he left, and she did exactly that. Jordan decides to stay for the week, and help his mother get everything in order, despite it all.

As he spends time in Willow Creek, he is reminded of the crew he used to run with as a teen and young adult-- people he hardly recognizes now. Except maybe... Cami. Cami had been his ex girlfriend, on again off again sort of situation. They’d dated throughout high school, and after he’d broken up with Violet to give her a better shot at life (thinking, wrongfully, he’d hold her back), Cami was the woman he turned to in his time of heartbreak. Feeling stranded and alone in Willow Creek, with his mom blaming him for his father’s death, and generally feeling like he’s at a crossroads in his life, Jordan ends up humoring Cami’s insistence on hanging around.

Cami knew what it was like. She got it. In ways Violet never could. She'd been hurt by her parents too. She’d grown up in a rough part of town, got involved with the wrong people and the wrong things, just like he did. In a way, they were kindred spirits-- it why they always found their way back to each other, despite how toxic it always ended up being. And if there is one word to describe Cami, it is determined. She is determined to get her way.

She calls him JJ-- his old nickname, that he now despises and associates with his tumultuous youth. She tries to remind him of who he was, and still is, deep down. Who they were together. She tries to tell him that this new life he’s got? It’s not him. It’s that boujee bitch wife of yours, JJ. I bet she don’t even understand you-- bet she doesn’t even get how you can miss someone even when they’ve hurt so bad... bet she said ‘good riddance’ when you told her the news. She doesn’t get you JJ, not like how I do... how I always did.

She comes on to him, pushing herself against him. Jordan gets angry, tries to push her off of him. She goads him on. What’re you gonna do, baby? Hit me again? Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess, JJ. That was one time Camille. One time. I am nothing like him. No baby, you’re not... mmm.. not at all. Shhh, it’s okay, don’t cry. I’m here. I’m here. I’m never leavin’ you JJ, not ever again. 

In a moment of incredible vulnerability and weakness, Jordan relents to her seductions. But... only momentarily. It doesn’t take long for him to realize what is happening-- he pushes her off of him and storms away, as she cries out his name. Disgusted with himself, he immediately goes to call his wife. He breaks down, sobs shaking his body, as he tells Violet everything. Except the other end of the line stays silent... Don’t bother coming home, Jordan. There’s nothing for you here anymore. Stay the fuck away from me.

Cheating was the one thing Violet would never, ever stomach. She hangs up the phone, stoic and stiff as a rock, and then collapses into tears, crying on her beautiful, marble kitchen floors. She she looks around her home, she sees Jordan everywhere. She sees the life they’ve built together over the years. And she knows she can’t stay there for the night. Violet packs a bag for herself and her daughter, drops Willow off with her mom, and heads to Wes and Nate’s place to get away for the night.

...to be continued...

Wes & Nate

Wes and Nate, after four years of marriage, are ready to grow their family. With both of them working good jobs, and a townhouse in a nice enough part of the city (that Nate’s parents may or may not have helped out with...), they figured it was time. Of course, the pleading mothers on both sides of the family didn’t help matters!

Turns out, however, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to adopt a child, especially as a gay couple. Agency after agency has turned them down-- either because they don’t work with gay parents, or because they say they’re just ‘not the right fit’ (code for: you’re gay but we’re scared to say that’s our reasoning). The few agencies that have been willing to work with them are still struggling to pair them with a birth mother. Possibly because despite both of them having good jobs, neither has a college education. Or possibly because on more than one occasion, Wes had dropped an f-bomb during the interview process. Or possibly.... Weston’s questionable family history, and his father being a convict-- which came up on several occasions. 

Feeling depressed and defeated, Weston’s connects with Nate’s sister, Thalia, who is also struggling to conceive with her husband Gianni. Neither of them thought they’d ever really want kids one day, and here they are, both in their feelings about not having them. They have their heart to heart, as it feels like the only person who truly gets it is each other. The feeling of letting their partner down, over one of the biggest things.

Despite Wes and Nate’s growing frustrations, they try and stay patient. And finally, it seems to be paying off! A birth mother has agreed to match with them! Finally, it seems they have conquered the beast.

Until..... she changes her mind, and rescinds the offer, after finding out about Weston’s absent dad. Failure, again. They both know there is nothing they can do to change the sort of childhood Wes had, and that it has no bearing on the types of dads they will be-- it’s just a matter of time until they match with someone who won’t hold that against them. But it inspires Nate to bed the question to his husband... should he try and reconnect with his dad again?

It had been years of avoidance since the last time Steven showed up in Weston’s life. He’d avoided him then, and ever sense. But now, with the topic coming up over and over again, he does feel compelled to reach out. It doesn’t take long to get his number from his mom; he finds out he lives just a few hours away, and they schedule to meet somewhere in the middle.

And for the first time ever, Wes willingly confronts his father. His whole life, he’d built him up to be some kind of monster, and he can’t tell if he’s disappointed or just plain sad to see the man his father has actually become-- a tired, old, cracked out looking man with shaky hands. 

As they talk, Steven apologizes for never being a dad to him, but also admits that he never wanted to be a dad-- not then and not now. The times he reached out years ago, he was just hoping to get to know his kid, as a fellow adult, not like some mentor or fatherly figure. That was a role Steven never did well in. Steven tells Wes how despite his actions, he really did care for him, and his mom, Daria, and he’d cleaned up his act ever since he got out of prison. He confesses that he might not be the best grandfather in the world, but says he is willing to try, if Wes is willing to bring his child around him, one day (despite the fact that Steven gets visibly uncomfortable referencing the fact that Wes is, indeed gay and married to a man). With mutual understanding and no more hard feelings, the men shake hands and part their separate ways.

And as if by some kind of strange magic... Wes and Nate get paired with a birth mom just a few weeks later. Although this time, they know better than to hold their breath, there is something different about this woman and this situation that feels... right.

...to be continued...

Wrap It All Up

Jordan has returned home, Violet is still refusing to forgive him, and only seeing him when they exchange their daughter. Inside, both of them are absolutely crushed, but neither of them knows how to begin to fix the wreckage. Jordan has been coping with all the old dirt his father’s death and trip back home stirred up in himself, and throws himself into developing his business idea. He’s added onto it-- not only will it be a catering company, but he will specifically try and work with at-risk youth. Kids from bad homes, and bad situations. Even with no financial backing, he decides to take the risk and go for it.

Penelope, discovering herself as a single woman and trying to cope with the tremendous emotions she’s been having, is finally starting to find her footing. She’s finally figured out a good childcare schedule with Levi, she’s thriving at work, and she’s starting to see herself-- and what she wants-- clearer. She ends things with Justin (or what little had ever been there) once and for all, and finds herself spending more and more time with Zach, out of desire and not just necessity. With all of her reasons to hate him melted away, the feelings of love she thought were gone start to come back. And-- surprise, surprise-- they’re returned.

Violet has been staying with Wes and Nate, and celebrating with them over the news of matching with another birth mom. She’s been helping them coordinate with her, send her the right sort of items, and prepare their future nursery. One night, her and Wes are up late, talking, as they usually do. And finally Wes tries to approach to touchy subject of her marriage. 

Wes looks at Vi, and point blank, asks her if she wants to divorce Jordan. Instantly, she says no. That tells Wes everything. He urges her to forgive Jordan-- he made a terrible, awful mistake, but he immediately tried to do the right thing. He stopped it before it went further, and his first thought was to lay it all on the line to Violet, not hide it. Wes gently reminds her of the time when she cheated on jordan... with himself. It had just been a kiss, but that was besides the point. When the little secret had finally come out, Jordan had laughed, and been more so annoyed that she was never honest, and less about the actual kiss. Violet insists that was soo different, which Weston concedes to. But still, he urges her to find it in her heart to forgive Jordan. He’s a good man, a great father, and they are truly in love-- they shouldn’t throw it away over one lapse in perfection.

Violet considers Wes’ advice... and heeds it. She goes home one day, when she knows Jordan will be off work, and finds him in the once-pristine kitchen, surrounded with food and bowls and tupperware and tomato sauce strewn just about everywhere. It catches her off guard. She laughs. And then she cries. Then she goes to her husband, wraps her arms around him, and tearfully whispers, What the hell are you doing to my kitchen, Jordan?

Jordan tells Violet about how even if he doesn’t know the financial details yet, he’s going to make his catering business happen; he tells her about the change in plans, spurred by his own troubled teenhood. As she listens to him talk about his life, his dreams, and his passion, she cries harder; she realizes that maybe she never did know this part of her husband. Maybe he never shared it, but maybe she never asked. Again, he apologizes for what happened in Willow Creek. She apologizes for her reaction, and for never taking the time to get to know the rough corners of her husband. As they kiss and makeup, Violet decides that they will tackle this catering business-- together.

Levi, more than anything, feels tired. He feels beaten down. The stress of raising four children. His relationship with Penelope falling apart despite how hard he tried to make it work. Watching Violet and Jordan’s strong marriage falter and almost crack, and Wes and Nate struggle to grow their family... It’s all too much for him-- a man notoriously always looking for love (in all the wrong places..). But, it’s even harder watching all those people around him re-find their love, and peace and happiness... while his still lies dormant. As summer draws near in the wake of the hardest year of his life to date, he decides to finally do something just for him... he calls up his boss, and last minute, takes up the offer to travel to Paris for the international project.

Violet goes into labor, and gives birth to her and Jordan’s second child, and first son. They also officially file for the name of his new catering business.

Nate and Wes fly across the country to be present for the birth of their son, grateful that things didn’t fall through this time.

Penelope and Zach finally make things official.

And in Paris, Levi scouts the streets, following the directions scrawled out on a sheet of torn paper, until he finds it. 

He knocks on the door. And Marie opens it.

////////////////////////////

tldr;

Penny has a lil love triangle with Levi/Justin/Zach. She breaks up with Levi to be single, but ends up with Zach.

Jordan cheats on Vi in a moment of weakness with his toxic ex after the death of his abusive father, but they eventually make up, and he starts a catering business and vows to hire at-risk youth.

Wes and Nate struggle to find a birth mom to adopt from, but finally, it all works out and they have a son.

Levi gets fkin WRECKED emotionally (karma fro, everything perhaps??? lool) , and ends up in Paris, knockin’ on Marie’s door. ;)

There was supposed to be a season 2, as well, which details what happens the next year, after all of this.. :) Primarily focusing on Levi + Marie, and what happens with them, and also Luna’s story! May or may not make a post for that one. Season 2 wasn’t as fleshed out. 

Most important detail I guess is that Levi and Marie end up together lol. 

~*~spoiler~*~

[bssaz97]

What do you think a Lancaster wedding would be like (also the last ask you answered was awesome thank you can’t wait for part 2)

Today was the day many in their group had been anticipating, the day they stopped being only two people, but one. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out, the clouds were minimal, and the wind was mild but not freezing. A large group was gathered together inside the auditorium of the newly reopened Beacon Academy, who are all here to see the most anticipated ceremony since the end of the Salem War. Most of the guests are friends and family of the bride and groom, but others are ones who have served in the line of duty alongside them and felt it necessary to show their support. Everything was going perfectly.

At the front of the auditorium stood the groom along with his best man, Lie Ren. The two awaits the arrival of the bride to be and her bridesmaids, all the while the groom is sweating up a storm in anticipation. He has waited for this moment for nearly a year and finally the day was here. At the age of 22, Jaune Arc would soon be married to the most special person in his life and his best friend of 5 years, Ruby Rose. Who would soon transition into being his wife after today.

Ren: *Nudges the blonde* Nervous?

Jaune: Yeah. You could say that again. Feels like facing against an army of ancient Grimm again. You know, in a good without the possibility of dying way.

Ren: I see.

Jaune: I can’t believe we’re finally at this day, I mean I knew it was coming eventually but to actually experience it...it’s unreal. You know, in a good way because I love Ruby and wouldn’t want to be here with any other person. Is it weird how much I’ve been looking forward to this day all month long? I mean it could just be wedding jitters but I can’t tell. Did you feel this way during your wedding day Ren? Because I could really-?

Ren: *Placed his hand on Jaune’s shoulder* Jaune, you’re rambling.

Jaune: Sorry.

Ren: *Chuckles* You’re fine. It’s your wedding so just relax and be yourself.

Jaune: *Laughs* Yeah I guess you’re right. I wonder if Ruby is holding up any better?

Meanwhile...

Ruby: Is it time to go out now?

Weiss: No.

Ruby: *Begins to tap heel* ...is it time now?

Yang: *Shakes head* Nope.

Ruby: *Tapping increases* .....how about now?

Blake: Not yet.

Ruby: .......now?

Weiss/Yang/Blake: NO!

Ruby: Gah! I’m sorry girls, I’m just so nervous!

Yang: Everything’s going to be fine Rubes. The word thing that could happen is if Vomit Boy leaves you at the alter. (Which he better not.)

Blake: What Yang is trying to say is; you have nothing to worry about.

Weiss: Besides having jitters on your wedding day is perfect normal.

Ruby: I suppose. I just feel like the anticipation is killing me though.

Nora: *Places hand on Ruby’s shoulder* Ruby. Do you remember how I was on my wedding day?

Ruby: Yeah. We barely got you out of the room that day you were so nervous. We had to pry you from the door. *Giggles*

Nora: And do you remember who it was that got me to walk down that aisle that day?

Ruby: I did. I gave you a speech about how it wasn’t the end of the world but-

Nora: ‘A new chapter of my life’. And you know what? I never regretted it since. Now, it’s my turn to help ya out sister.

Ruby: ...‘sniff’ Oh my gods Nora you’re gonna make me cry.

Weiss: Please don’t! I spend a good half hour getting her makeup just right!

Penny: Friends I believe its time for the ceremony to begin.

Yang: Ok, places girls!

Ruby: *Exhales* Alright show time.

//////Play this if you wish; Image its playing//////

https://youtu.be/fOymevxe1pI

The bride and her bridesmaids start on their way to the main door of the altar. It takes a few minutes but they finally make it to the main door, where Taiyang is waiting. Ruby walks up to her father and he smiles at her, small tears start to form but do not fall. The time for crying would come later. Besides he needed to keep his composure, he can’t afford to look break down on his little bud as he walks her down the aisle.

Taiyang: You ready?

Ruby: *Nods* I’m ready.

Taiyang: You look beautiful.

Ruby: *Smiles* Thank you Dad.

The two interlock their arms and prepared for the doors to open. It was almost time...

*Crrrreeeeaaaakkkk!*

The main doors of the room open, causing everyone in the auditorium to face towards the entrance. As it does, red and yellow rose petals descend from the ceiling and begin to cover the aisle in rose petals. The bride and her father, arms interlocked, starts to make their way down the aisle with her bridesmaids in tow. Everyone watches as the bride makes her way to the alter, but none more so than the groom himself. As he could not take his eyes off of her.

He recalls the time when he first happened to meet this woman in the courtyard of this very school. For the time he had been with Ruby, Jaune watched as she grew from the youthful, awkward, quirky girl he found in a crater into a strong, remarkable, and inspiring huntress of Remnant. Now, she had transcended once again into the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon. Today she was adorned in a crimson A-Line/Princess wedding dress with additional armor (vambrace, corter, rerebrace) on each of her arms and a black sash around her waist. This was the woman he wished to spend the rest of his days with, his co leader and best friend, his Crater Face.

Ruby felt as her heart was pounding in her chest, the only thing she can focus on was keeping eye contact with her groom and husband to be, her first friend at Beacon. She recalls when he had helped her out of that crater that day, the one who became her friend when she all others left her behind and it was the boy who puked on her sister’s boots. She watched him as he went through his highest and lowest points in life, but continued to be by her side and help others despite his own suffering. He was no longer the clumsy, inexperienced, and dorky trainee she had met but rather evolved into Remnant’s Shining Knight. Jaune looked more and more like the knights of her childhood dreams, all of her hopes and wishes for him had come to fruition and now he would be taking her as his bride and wife to be.

As father and bride made it to the alter, the groom descends down the steps to meet them, while the bridesmaids walk up the alter to take their positions. Once Jaune meets the two, the two men smile at each other, then Taiyang lets go of his baby girl and hands her to Jaune. As the two interlock their arms, the bride and groom together walk up the steps to the alter. There waiting for them is the bridesmaids the best man and Glynda Goodwitch, the newly appointed headmistress of Beacon. The ceremony can now begin.

Glynda: Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Jaune Arc and Ruby Rose in marriage. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife. True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons; it is the union of two hearts. It lives on the love you give each other and never grows old, but thrives on the joy of each new day. Marriage is love. May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together, and to share moments of quiet and peace, when the day is done. May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding. Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc, remember to treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at some time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not just the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight. May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another. Do you Jaune Arc, take Ruby Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?

Jaune: I do mam.

Glynda: Do you Ruby Rose, take Jaune Arc to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?

Ruby: Yes, I do. *Nods*

Glynda: At this point the bride and groom can now speak say a few words.

The two turn to face one another, interlocking hands and looking into each others eyes.

Jaune: Ruby, for as long as I could remember you have always been with me at my best and at my worst and you have never turned me away. For this, I take you as my companion, my wife, and my love. I promise to care for you, honor you, and cherish you, for as long as we both shall love. Now and forever.

Ruby: ....Wow. ‘Sniff’ That totally beats what I was gonna say.

Jaune: *Wipes her growing tears* It’s ok Ruby, I bet I’ll like yours better.

Ruby: ‘Giggles’ Dork. Ok.....Jaune, you have stuck with me and been my pillar when I thought the world would collapse around me. You’ve never once stopped believing in me and you have no idea how much that means to me, not only as a huntress, a leader, but as a friend also. For this, I take you as my companion, my love, and my husband. I promise to stand by you, respect you, and love you with all my heart, for as long as we both shall love and to the next life.

Jaune: ..... ‘sniff’ Come on, that’s not playing fair. *Smiles*

Glynda: The ring bearer shall now come forth with the wedding bands.

From the side comes a four year old Adrian walking up carefully with the bands on a plush pillow. Once carefully walking up all the steps (causing many in the audience to coo and taking photos at the adorableness of it all) he waddles up to the giggling bride and smiling groom.

Jaune: Thanks buddy. *Rubs Adrians head.* Then he and Ruby give each other their wedding bands. One decorated to have a yellow lining with crimson metal surrounding it and one with a red lining with gold metal surrounding it.

Glynda: If any should object to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace...... Really? No one at all?

Everyone: *Laughs*

Glynda: Very well, then by the power invested in me. I now pronounce you, Jaune Rose-Arc and Ruby Rose-Arc as husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Jaune: With pleasure.

The now husband and wife took hold of each other’s face and brought their lips together in a gentle but passionate embrace. Then a second gentle shower of orange rose petals descended from the alter as everyone in attendance stood up to applaud the newly weds.

-Fin-

That’s all I got to say about how a Lancaster marriage should go, but I would be happy either way. It took me a bit to think how I would envision this to happen so I hope you guys like it!

Also I got most of the wedding script (for Goodwitch’s lines) from smore.com if you’re wondering because for the life of me I couldn’t remember. But hope it’s lose enough.

Also Qrow and Raven are the ones dropping the rose petals. Btw.

[dailyaudiobible]

08/01/2020 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 30:1-31:21, Romans 15:1-22, Psalms 25:1-15, Proverbs 20:13-15

Today is the 1st day of August welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is great to be here with you today on this 1st day of the 8th month of the year, day 214 on our journey through the Scriptures this year and last day of the week. So, beginning of the month end of the week. Tomorrow we’ll start moving into the new month fully, but it is great to be here with you today now, as we take the next step forward on our voyage through the Bible this year. And, so, we’re reading from the New Living Translation this week, which is today, and we’ll move ourselves back into the book of second Chronicles. Today we’ll read chapters 30 and 31.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word and we thank You for bringing us this far. And as we greet this eighth month, we invite You to lead and guide us. And You are always willing, and You are always there and so what we are ultimately asking is Holy Spirit come and remind us to be aware. Instead of going our own way and then circling back may we proactively follow where You are leading in this new month and may we live into what You are teaching us through Your word in this month and may this be a transformational month in our lives and hearts, may it be one to remember instead of one to forget as we embrace You more and more fully as we become more and more fully aware as we have eyes to see and ears to hear. And, so, come Jesus we pray. In Your mighty name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website and its home base and, of course, always where you get connected and find what's going on. So, stay…stay tuned and stay connected.

Check out the Community section. That's where you’ll find different links to the social media channels that we’re on and where to get connected. Check out the Initiative section. See what’s was going on around here. Check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There are resources there for the journey that we are on together of all shapes and sizes of all…all types. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you, thank you. As I say just about every day, thank you for your partnership. We can’t be here. We wouldn't be here with…without us being in this together and on this journey of a lifetime through the Bible in a year. And if that has been life-giving to you then thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996. Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning DAB family this is Abba’s Grace calling regarding a call that came in on July 11th. And if your name is not Mary, I’m so sorry. I know you live in Georgia and you called regarding my sons song bringing joy to your heart and a smile to your face after such a trying time with your son in the hospital. We are praying for you. We love you. I know His faithfulness has been by your side but would love to hear an update on your sons healing journey after falling into that fire pit. I am so sorry for that experience and I look forward to hearing back from you. And Running Desperately to Jesus, I pray you have been immersed in Abba’s unconditional love for you and that those lies have died down. What you did is not who you are. I know that as we walk on this earth without our maker, the keeper of our hearts and souls. And even after becoming a believer not fully understanding what was finished on the cross and our unity in Christ and how we have a new life, these layers of protection that we built to meet our needs or to…to feel loved and worthy and secure and…and…and even acceptable, they just come back. And that is also for Teresa that just called in today from Indiana. It comes back and that’s our flesh. Our flesh is the unbeliever and it forgets that Abba is there, that Abba is enough, and we fall into unbelief. So, I ask that you rise up in your new identity in Jesus’ name and that you walk in that truth. You have been clothed and dignity and strength. That goes for both of you and all of…all of the sons and daughters of God. I love you family and Abba’s joy, He has you...

Hello brothers and sisters, I’m calling concerning the caller, the gentleman that called about…well he didn’t give his name. He was really upset, understandably, about his daughter being emotionally and sometimes physically abused and I just want to reach out to you brother and say our hearts are breaking with yours. Regardless of how old that child is, 18…under 18 years old that child has to be intercepted from this adult that’s doing the abusing. And God’s given you eyes to see, the need to see it. Other adults that are around this child are either too afraid or I don’t know what else it could be, fear, intimidation, but brother you have seen it. I would say you are the one that needs to step forward and begin to remove that child from the situation. We are talking about a baby that has no say. So, brother we just pray that God give you the strength to do what is right, to step up no matter what other adults are gonna think in your church. It’s almost like contradiction that the church would not understand what’s going on here. But brother, seek your pastor, take her to the doctor to have her observed. We’ll be praying in Jesus’ name.

[singing starts] How I love the precious name of Jesus. How I love the mighty name that breathes us. Demons tremble at His name. Every knee shall bow, and every tongue proclaim the name of our Lord Jesus [singing ends]. Jesus, such a mighty name. Jesus how I love, how I love, how I love that name. We need to worship Him; we need to praise Him more. Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world. Hail to the King, hail to the King, hail to the one who reigns in heaven for eternity. Hail to the King, hail to the King. Lord glorified. You came and died to the world would live. O Father we just come to You as a nation humbly bowing before You. We are praying that Your people who are called by Your name will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways so You will heal our land. God, I think I missed some parts, but You know the whole verse. We are desperate for You God. We’re desperate for Your Holy Spirit to fall on every person in this country and every person in the world. We are desperate Lord to be healed of this coronavirus. We are desperate for people just to repent and turn to You and be saved instead of trying to live their own way. O Lord Jesus, fill us with Your Holy Spirit. We also pray that the enemies of our nation __ for Satan and His purposes will have the blinders taken off of their eyes so they can see Your truth. Father we want…we don’t want to stand in the way of our prayers being answered so we pray You would reveal in us any unforgiveness that is in our heart…

Hello everybody this is Annette Allison from Oklahoma City. O man, hey thank you guys. Thank you, thank you, thank everyone who gave me a really nice shout out. Man, things have been down in the dumps for me a little, but I think I’ve got it now. But man, things at work have been really rough and I’ve been trying to turn this into a…a mic drop Scripture reference thing and I think I’ve got it. So, what had happened is somebody had built a false program to make something always pass on my test machine for…for…for…the things that I do, okay, for what I test. And then something happened, and it would no longer work anymore. So, no matter what I did, even though I was following what I knew that it should be, the way that it should go, it would never work. So, I’m kind of wondering…I gotta fit this all in real quick…I got the condensed version. You know, sometimes we try and we try and we try even though we think we’re doing the right thing. What if we’re not following the correct program? Say you got your information other than what the plan was? No matter what you try, if you are not following what the plan or the program is you’re going to fail. Isn’t that right? So I’m wondering, some of us who have been trying and trying even though we have think we’re doing the right thing based upon what someone may have told us or what we perceived, if it isn’t God’s plan we are going to fail. So, there’s my mic drop moment for just a moment and that’s the quick dirty version of it and I hope that that helps somebody somewhere because…

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Rebecca Joy from Illinois. I’m requesting some prayer. It’s interesting the last few times that I requested prayer and I tried to submit it they didn’t go through probably from kind of like a glitch in my phone but hopefully this one does because I really need it at the moment. I just sent my friend of…of quite a few years a pretty serious text just about some things on my heart that have been on my heart for quite a while about just how she conducts herself and it was just growing inside of me for so long and I…I tried to hold it in and I was trying to find a way to just, you know, __  on my own and maybe resolve it on my own but it just seemed like it kept on coming up again and again and again. And I have tried to talk to her about it before, but it never quite came out right. So, I just…I typed something out so that, you know, I’d be able to get my thoughts down clearer. But when I sent it and she read it she…she messaged me back saying that she was too hurt to reply at the moment and that does not bode well. I’m in a friend group with her. We play…we all play games together and, you know, I’m just really afraid of losing her friendship and losing their friendship because I know that we’re all pretty close and if she has a problem with somebody and, you know, they kind of follow behind her then I’m basically kicked out. And I’m just really worried and I just…I don’t know. If God has anything to say to me, like I’m praying for conviction, I’m praying for just, you know, wisdom and help because I need it. So, just please pray for this whole situation for my friend that it will be restored and just…

Hey DAB family it’s __ calling in from the UK. This is my second time calling in and I’m so happy to be here. I’ve been listening for like the past six months. I recently just moved into my new place and, yeah, I’m just really enjoying being able to pray out loud. And definitely you guys have help me with this as I pray with you and enjoy listening to the podcast with everyone around the…the Global Campfire. So, yeah, just pray that this house it’s me and hopefully I’ll get more confidence in speaking to you guys in the coming days. But I just recently listened to the DAB post on the 28th I think, and I heard Avery who was talking about wanting to get into ministry. And I just wanted to say Avery that I’m praying for you, I’m hoping that your time will come in…in ministry and that you will be able to speak and give your wisdom. But also, that it’s all in God’s timing. And God never…never lets you wait around, never makes you lack, but that this time is time for you again to read Scripture and gain wisdom and do all the best that you can do, but in time you will be placed in your calling and it will be the correct time and you will go from success to success. And also want to pray over Teresa…Teresa and her daughters who are both in addiction. Lord I just want to pray that they are freed from…from that addiction and freed from that entrapment and may they stand on the rubble of those fortifications Lord. Also hope that Ezekiel had a really good birthday. And time’s running out. Hi, Blind Tony, hi Biola and hi everybody else. Love you DAB family.

[electratm]

Posting a quick intro because I’m super excited to get into interactions! Hi guys it’s ya girl Theo, I’m 20 and cursed to be in the GMT+2 timezone. I’m currently in uni studying journalism and pr, but you guessed it I won’t be able to save this PR wreck aka Electra Romero. I’ll have some ideas for connections down below, but if you want to reach me do it though my dms here or you can find me on my discord  —   theoffs#3866 !

.  *  ◜  oh  my  god  ,  you’ll  never  guess  who’s  coming  to  this  party  tonight  !  according  to  stan  twitter  ,  i  heard  that  it’s  electra romero,  a  singer who’s  currently  signed  to  gold  crown  entertainment  .  wait ,  you  don’t  know  who  she is  ?  well  ,  el is  a  cis female known  around  los  angeles  as  having  a  striking  resemblance  to  camila mendes,  &  the  resemblance  is  uncanny  .  they’re  a  twenty-two year  old  who  has  been  signed  to  gold  crown  for  THREE YEARS,  &  have  an  identical  career  to  camila cabello,  which  probably  explains  why  they’ve  amassed  such  a  following  .  ever  since  they  signed  to  gold  crown  ,  they  have  been  known  for  being  quite  astute &  maverick,  but  crown  exposed  seems  to  want  to  paint  them  as  nothing  more  than  detached &   irascible .  i’m  beyond  excited  that  they’ve  made  it  this  far  in  their  career  -  every  time  i  see  their  instagram  ,  i  can’t  help  but  picture  her  collection  of  electric  guitars, patched  denim  jackets,  drunken  swearing  at  paparazzi .  oh  wait  ,  they’re  coming  over  here  –  act  natural  !

Basics —  

Name:  Electra Rosario Romero Nicknames: El, Romero Age & Birthday: 22 /  March 1st 1997 Zodiac sign: Pisces Gender: cis female Occupation: singer / songwriter sexuality: heterosexual ( bicurious ) Born: Los Angeles, California Ethnicity: Brazillian  Career Claim: Camila Cabello Pinterest: here.

Background  —  ( death tw )

when I first applied I didn’t have that much of a backstory on her, but the more I worked on her pinterest and mock blog I fell in love with her messed up self. So the gist of it is that her family moved to L.A before she was born, her mother an aspiring singer and her dad wanted to do anything for his woman plus he is a car mechanic so he could find a job anywhere. Before her they had another daughter,  her older sister by 4 years and  a younger brother that was born 6 years after her. They were never the happiest family, high school sweethearts that got knocked up and wanted to escape the life in Brazil so they went with the ‘American dream’  only it was a goddamn nightmare. Her father found the work he was looking for, but her mother was seriously struggling and her only way of getting jobs being to sleep with whoever offered and she kept it a secret from her husband. Even with doing that it didn’t really lead anywhere, she grew old and bitter and wasn’t the best mother to her three kids. They didn’t see their father that often either, but that’s just cause he worked his ass off to keep them with clothes on their backs and to be able to afford food which obviously isn’t easy in L.A. It was home that never felt like home for Electra, she knew it like the palm of her hand, but there wasn’t that feeling of security as they lived in a pretty crappy neighbourhood. 

They still got around though and the three kids practically raised themselves. Her older sister playing the biggest role in her life as she practically raised her and taught her everything while her mother was off hooking up with random men. Her sister was quite the social butterfly in contrast to Electra and always did what was best for their family. Even if that meant doing some not so ethical stuff to get money. When Electra was 14 though things got really bad and her life literally turned upside down. Her sister had began stripping for money, something she made El swear to keep a secret, not that she understood it well, but she knew neither of her parents especially her father would be okay with that. That left 14 year old Electra looking after her then 8 year old brother after school, making sure he’s fed and okay. Electra actually learned how to take care of herself and others real young. But one day as he was walking back from school just as he was calling her to ask what they’ll have for lunch he hadn’t looked around while crossing the street and was hit by a car mid conversation with Electra. He died on the spot and although it’s not her fault she has always thought that she had a part of it because she was supposed to protect him. 

It was a devastating few months for the Romero’s,  not long after her younger child’s death her mother finally went ahead and left them for another man. Everything that happened made Electra sick and angry, but neither of them could stop and mourn properly cause if they did they’d have no place to live. That’s when around the age of 15/16 Electra started getting into songwriting. Being slightly more mature going into adolescence she started to experience the things that are love and friendship and got caught up with them. Smoking, underage drinking, stealing her first electric guitar and learning to play it so she could impress her then boyfriend. She did whatever she could to distract herself from the sad reality that was her life and for a while it worked like a charm. Her making a living out of singing never seemed like an option to her as she knew her father and sister wouldn’t approve. She saw what happened with her mother and even thinking about it wasn’t a topic of discussion. So it remained a silly little hobby she’d work on while she skipped on school to hang out with her friends until the moment when one of them suggested that she’d upload one of them for her as at the time Electra couldn’t afford owning a computer. She didn’t think much of it and agreed, but instead she went viral  and not long after a producer reached out to her with the chance to join a girl group he was forming. Electra was probably drunk or high when that happened, but somehow she ended up agreeing. 

Singing career / present  —    

Somehow Electra had been discovered by an actual producer that wasn’t going to scam her, and not only that, but he made a pretty decent girl group. Her and the four other girls who also had gone viral in some shape or from made quite the team, each girl different in her own way and attracting all sorts of people. He signed them to his record label and they started blowing up within a year of their release, yet Electra never seemed to take it as seriously as the rest of them. There she was all glamorous singing repetitive pop songs in a short skirt, something that even she found embarrassing, but the money was good.  Her family made a big deal out of it and didn’t want to do anything with her, seeing that she never told them and they found out when they saw one of her first preformances. Not facing them wasn’t that hard as they were almost always on the road doing show after show without consideration for their wellbeing. Not only was this not her music, it wasn’t her life anymore she had no control over it. About a year after they’d began she started getting out of control, skipping rehearsals, snapping at the crew and overall being super problematic which they ignored  for as long as they could, but she couldn’t stop crossing the line. After roughly two years the management kicked her out which they played out as a mutual decision, but it was obvious that she’s at fault. And again it was her fault that her family couldn’t get any money again, this time she could truly blame herself, but she had been so sick of being controlled all the time.

For awhile not working felt good, she got her own sound back, even wrote enough to have her own album, but all the people she had alienated while constantly on tour left her with nothing, but her music. Her sister was okay with talking with her, but her father still refused as he saw the wife that left him in the face of his own daughter. Even if he was mad at her Electra still wanted to provide for them, it’s what she was taught to do so when Gold Crown entertainment reached out to her with a whole plan to get her back in the spotlight she was all up for it. A fake relationship and collab that would make her out to be a new and changed person, inspired by it all she writes an album that becomes an instant hit and suddenly everyone adores her again. They let her write her own songs which she was happy about, but she had to follow this whole PR scheme to redeem herself. She didn’t really care if people liked her, what mattered was that at the end of the day each scandal or drama she was involved with brought money to the table and soon enough she would establish a much more successful image for herself than her girl band days that she wasted. This time she wasn’t going to fuck up. 

Personality  —    

Electra isn’t the nicest person, but she cares a lot. The people that gain her trust are very special to her and she’d do anything for them. She values family even if it’s as broken as hers with a workacholic father, a stripper sister and a mother that’s nowhere to be seen. She’s an honest and authentic person even if what she has to say isn’t pretty. El has seen quite the stuff growing up and doesn’t share it, especially the stuff that makes her vulnrable. Her life is strictly business and she can’t go around telling people her sob story as she feels guilty for it really being that way. At this point she just tries to keep her temper intact and do what she has to in order to have some advantage. She often contradicts herself with the things she believes yet still does the opposite thing cause she’ll get something out of it. She’s been in love and experienced real friendship, but that hasn’t helped her or filled the void of guilt in her heart. 

Wanted connections  —    

I have a lot of those! Whether it’s acquaintances, friends, frenemies, enemies, hookups, pr relationships, I want them all! Here are the main ones that I feel like are crucial to her story:

The PR relationship of a lifetime. This can be taken in any way whether they get along, have actual feelings or hate each other’s guts. The main idea of it is that when Gold Crown reached out to her and had a plan for her getting back to the spotlight this relationship was involved. What started out as an innocent collab at first would blossom into a romance. One that would inspire her to change her ways and write a whole album! Or at least that’s what the public has to see. In reality Electra is trapped by it as cause of it she can’t really have a real relationship with anyone. The only thing she can do is have hookups with people she’s certain won’t rat out that her other relationship is fake. 

Roomies. I suppose not long after she turned 18 and was still in her girl group she moved out due to her strained relationship with her family and started living with someone else. Could be another member from her girl group or just a friend from the business she made along the way. She’s probably really close to that person they’re one of the few to see her caring and protective side. 

Hookups. You know a girl has her needs. Whether she was sad, got drunk and somehow ended up in bed with that person or they made a fwb kinda deal it’s always fun to play out. 

Ex-band members. Another person to leave the band after her or they fell apart who knows, but they all share the long weeks of preforming every night and know the struggle that came in being in a girl band.

Dumped for the job. Another starlet she met in the start of her career. At first they hit it off and even got together, again one of the few people to know the real her and what’s she’s all about and that’s what drove them apart. Inspired but this post. Probably tried to stick by her in her rough patches, but she just kept pushing him away and with her offer for  the PR relationship it was obvious it was never going to last. There may still be some lingering feelings, but not all of them are good. 

These are the main things I can think of. I’m good with anything tbh and if you’re stuck you can take a look at my wanted tag or we can just brainstorm so like this post or hmu!!!

[queerhargreeves]

De-aged Luther whump fic pls !! Where the family finds out that Reginald treated him much, much worse than they think (ex. Gaslighting, sexual abuse, pain, water and food endurance training), but Luther still thinks it's love?

wowie this is the second longest fic ive ever written?? i hope you enjoy anon and thank you for your kindness and patience!

TW: child sexual abuse and child abuse discussed

(gif by tuagifs)

The Hargreeves have had to put up with a lot of things that would drive most people to absolute madness throughout their lives. From the second each of them were born, their definition of what “normal” is would rival that of pretty much anyone. The seven of them were trained to be obedient soldiers in a goddamn science experiment by a man with too much power. This man wasn’t capable of love or compassion, no. Quite the opposite.

He treated them like they were shiny toys. Sir Reginald Hargreeves wanted them to reach impossibly high standards and would stop at absolutely nothing to make sure they got there.

They only had 30 minutes of designated “free time” a week growing up. The only time they could do as they please, within “reason”. Granted that didn’t stop them from sneaking out to get donuts after hours, Pogo keeping their secret safe.

“You all deserve to be children, Master Luther. All I ask of you is to not be too careless. We can’t have your father finding out, now can we?”

Daily rigorous training ranged anywhere from running five miles before breakfast to memorizing every pressure point in the human body and how they worked/functioned. Individual training, specialized by Sir Hargreeves himself, was another story in of itself. Water tanks, mausoleums, broken and straining limbs, tearing animals apart, throats so coarse and raw you couldn’t speak for a week, spatial jumps for four consistent hours, constant exclusion from activities …it was all the norm for these kids. Nothing out of the ordinary.

They have all gone through experiences that any average bystander wouldn’t even be able to begin to wrap their heads around. The Hargreeves have powers, yes. Their time traveling brother who left them 17 years ago came back, is nearly 60 years old, and was reverted back to the 13 year old body he disappeared in, yes. Their dysfunctional family may have caused the end of the world, yes. They avoided the end of the world, yes.

But this? Their big brother, their gallant leader, an actual child again? Now that is a lot to process, yes. Even for the ex-superheros.

It happened a few months after the family successfully didn’t cause life itself to end. They all had been making an attempt to start over with one another. The way they treated each other is what almost caused the end of the world after all.

It wasn’t easy, of course. Undoing a lifetime of trauma and repressed emotions wasn’t a simple equation or an overnight fix. It’s something that takes uncomfortable, late night hash sessions where every party involved opens up about things they don’t want to. It takes withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks. It takes realizing and acknowledging trauma and addressing it head on.

It wasn’t all tears and tension though. There were plenty of family outings, movie nights and, 2 AM impromptu baking sessions filled with nothing but laughter and comfort. They were getting better communicating with one another - they were getting better at simply existing together as an actual family instead of constantly working against their own.

The seven were out at dinner one night, Korean food per Allison’s request. The dinner went on without a hitch as they usually did nowadays, the siblings just enjoying one another’s company. However, it was after dinner when it happened.

Five noticed a man following them a bit too close for comfort as they were making their way back to the 10 seater van. It happened within seconds: an instant flash that rivals Five’s very own. One second Luther was trailing at the end of the group, listening to Ben tell a Klaus story. The next second there was a man sticking a syringe into his neck. And the next second he was on the ground, unconscious. Klaus, Ben, and Vanya rushed to his side, carrying him the rest of the way to the van. Allison, Five, and Diego stayed behind, going after the man who they didn’t even get a proper look at.

They all eventually regrouped at the house after having little luck finding the said culprit.

They were all clearly shaken after the attack. Five was, to put it quite simply, absolutely livid. He was infuriated at not only the situation itself but at himself for dismissing his instincts. Diego was also feeling quite a bit of guilt himself, but he’s been working on channeling those emotions in healthier ways. AKA no longer lashing out and hurting himself/others. Instead, he sulked silently. He played through the events that happened over and over again.

Allison was probably the most visibly distraught about the whole thing. Klaus and Ben had to quite literally drag her out of the infirmary after she refused to leave his side. She slept with her two brothers that night, wedged in between them. She couldn’t be alone. They all needed sleep and they knew Luther was in good hands.

Grace had assured them all that Luther would be fine, insisting that she would run tests on him as he got some rest. They were comforted knowing that their brother was out of the woods in terms of immediate danger of whatever substance was forcefully injected into his body. Luther would never leave Grace or Pogo’s sight for the night, the two of them adamant on making sure the six of them got some sleep that night.

None of them were prepared for what they found the next morning, however.

The six of them were all piled in the infirmary and there lied a Luther Hargreeves. A 12 year old Luther Hargreeves.

He looked so small in the bed; he was hooked up to monitors and his oversized sleeping clothes didn’t help either. His breathing was even. His chest was rising and falling in a slow, calm rhythm. His lips were slightly pursed open and he was snoring lightly.

“Holy shit.” Klaus was the first to speak up, staring in a mixture of awe and bewilderment at the small boy in the bed. “You’re no longer the babiest bro, Five.”

The statement hung in the air, thick and heavy. No one knew what to say or where to even start. Is his body just young? Or his brain too? Is it permanent? What does he remember?

“Oh, good morning children! I wasn’t expecting you all to be awake so early!” Six heads whipped towards the sound of their Mother’s heels against the hardwood floor as she walked into the infirmary.

“M-mom,” Diego’s voice shook, his eyes still glued at the young sleeping boy, “wh-what happened? Is Luther o…okay?”

“Yes dear, Luther is alright.” She said softly, resting her hand on Diego’s shoulder as she walked past him. She walked to the bed getting closer to the bed and removed one of the monitors from his chest.

“Your brother is going to be okay. It seems that he was injected with an age regression agent last night. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m hoping the bloodwork will give us some answers. What I can definitely say is that it will stop at this age. Luther is around 12 years old.” She explained, running a gentle hand through Luther’s hair.

“It isn’t causing him any physical harm. He was regressing quite quickly throughout the night but it stopped at 5:37 AM.”

Allison silently walked to the other side of the bed. She ran the back of her hand down Luther’s cheek, her expression soft. He looked so peaceful like this. The most peaceful she’s seen in ages.

“We…we have to be there for him when he wakes up. Luther, he was there for me after…” She paused, meeting Vanya’s eyes with a sad smile. She gave her a small nod to which Vanya reciprocated, signing “it’s okay” to her sister. They were both on good terms with what happened now. They talked it out, thousands of apologies and tears falling from both of the sister’s lips.

Allison’s voice was getting stronger every day but it was still important for everyone to be silent when she spoke so she didn’t have to strain more than necessary.

“He said he knew the comfortable dark place I was in. He didn’t want me to wake up to someone who wasn’t me anymore alone. We can’t let him go through this alone, we just can’t.” She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze, turning her gaze back to her siblings.

“Of course we’ll be there for him, Al.” Ben agreed.

And so they waited. They decided to take turns watching over him throughout the day. Diego and Five helped change Luther into the old academy pajamas before Allison and Vanya took on the first shift. Klaus and Ben went to the kitchen to make Alfredo pasta with extra chicken, Luther’s favorite dish. They remembered how insistent he was on the extra chicken when they were young.

“I need all the protein I can get! You all do too. But Five, you especially. You use up too much energy during training. This is far more nutritious and better for you than your peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. We don’t need anymore nose bleeds. Go ahead and grab an extra chicken breast, yeah?”

Luther was always good at watching over his siblings, whether they liked it or not. Half the time it annoyed them all to no end - especially Diego. But Luther took his role as not just their leader, but as their big brother, very seriously. It was a responsibility he did not take lightly.

The pasta didn’t turn out as picture perfect as it could have if the two let Grace do all the work, but with her guidance they were able to scrap up a delicious dish between the three of them.

“Damn Ben, Olive Garden better watch out! We’re gonna steal their jobs!” Allison and Vanya could hear Klaus exclaim all the way from the kitchen, a small smile appearing on both of their faces.

“If nothing else, it’s comforting that Klaus will always be just…”

“Klaus?” Allison finishes.

“Klaus.” Vanya agrees, her gaze falling back to the boy in the bed. He was still sleeping soundly, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

She doesn’t remember him being a deep sleeper - in fact, he was the lightest one of the seven. If Diego did so much as drop a book in his room or Klaus tumbled over his own feet, Luther would be in their room within a few moments to make sure they weren’t in danger. He lost a lot of sleep that way, but it never occurred to her until just now the extent of how much Luther did for them as children. Seeing him so young, so vulnerable looking was overwhelming. It was as if they were slapped in the face by past memories, repressed or otherwise.

“Mmmm…” Both women stood up at the mumbling, hovering over Luther as he started to stir in the bed. His eyes slowly started to flutter open after a few moments. You could see the realization of where he was wash over his face as he took in his surroundings. It was almost as if he was seeing right past his sisters.

“Luther?” Allison asked in a small, gentle voice. His eyes finally met hers and she placed her hand on top of his.

“M’am?” He looked down at their hands and back at her, then back down and back again. He blinked furiously, opening his mouth and closing it once more. He then whipped his head to Vanya as she tried her best to put on a gentle smile.

“Hey Lu.” She said softly.

“Vanya? Allison?” His voice went up an octave as he looked between both of his sisters. “What’s going on? Did I fail the last mission? Are you two hurt? I-I need to go back to the training room, find dad and explain! Maybe then I can -”

Allison and Vanya locked eyes as this answered a few questions. Luther definitely was mentally and 13 again, not just physically like Five. Allison’s mind reeled as she processed this, trying to think of how to even begin explaining what’s happening. Explain what has happened. Not only to Luther, but to them all.

Luther started to sit up, rambling on as he attempted to swing his legs over the bed before Allison and Vanya stopped him. Allison placed herself in front of Luther, legs shoulder width apart and hands braced on both of his shoulders. Vanya stayed at his side as she placed a firm hand on his upper arm.

“Woah, woah, woah not so fast there, Luther!” Allison knew his strength, even at this age, rivaled hers tenfold. He would only have to raise his pinky to push them both off him, but he didn’t. He let his sisters push him back in bed, but he stayed upright.

“Lu,” Vanya started, her hand still on his arm. “I can’t even imagine how overwhelming this all must be. Before I get the others I just need you to know that-”

“You’re all old.” Luther said simply.

Allison let out a small chuckle at the transparent comment and threw her head back ever so slightly. Luther had always been Mr. Obvious.

“You could say that, yeah.” Vanya scoffed, “I’ll go get the others if you’re ready?”

Luther drew his lips in a thin line, “What about Dad?” He asked cautiously, sounding all too much like the 12 year old he was.

“Dad…” Vanya looked up at Allison, wordlessly asking for help here.

“We’ll talk about it when Van and the other boys are here, yeah?” Allison reassured, trying to keep her best ‘mom’ voice on in an attempt to ease some of her brother’s evident nerves.

Luther just nodded at that answer as it was found satisfactory enough for him. Vanya gave his arm one last squeeze before disappearing down the hall. Within 30 seconds the rest of the Hargreeves came in the room, single file line. Luther watched every single one of them as they walked inside, his eyes wide and mouth pursed open.

Diego was always rough around the edges, but seeing him in all black, bearded, and scarred was certainly a bit unnerving. Klaus made him smile ever so slightly. It made Luther happy that Klaus was still oh so very much Klaus, even with a plate of pasta in his lanky arms. Eyeliner, skirt, and messy curls. Ben was a bit odd to see - blue around the edges and younger than the other two brothers before him. But Five. God that certainly put his head through a loop as if he hadn’t had enough of that already. He looked…just like he remembered. Small frame with a sharp jaw and the most intense blue eyes.

“Guten morgen, dear Luther.” Klaus said singsongly, placing the plate of pasta on the wheeled tray and wheeling it next to the bed.

“Vanya told us you woke up! Welcome back.” He sat down in one of the chairs in the room, the rest of the siblings also taking a seat.

“Thanks…” Luther drew the word out, “The pasta smells good. Thank you for that too.”

“Nonsense.” Klaus waved his hand in the air, “I’m just glad to see you’re okay.” He said honestly, crossing his legs and leaning down to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I-” Luther stopped for a moment, “I think I understand what’s happening. You’re all..older. But,” He turned to where Five was seated next to Ben. “Five?”

“It’s a bit of a long story, as this whole situation is. But I time traveled, managed to get stuck for quite a while, then came back in this body. I’m actually older than all of you, but that’s besides the point.” Five explained flippantly, “How are you doing, Luther?”

Luther gave a shaky nod as Five explained, “I’m um.” He gulped and looked back up at Allison who still stood over the bed.  “When can I see Dad?”

All of the siblings tensed at the question, sharing looks with one another. Surprising to everyone it was Diego who spoke up first.

“Lu, Dad isn’t here.” He explained. “You don’t have to w-wor-worry about him anymore. It’s okay.”

Luther shook his head and a few dry chuckles fell from his lips. “Yeah, uh huh. And two times two equals three.” He spat.

“Luther…” Allison said calmly, “Diego is telling the truth. Dad is dead.” She watched as his blue eyes start to brim with tears. But Luther immediately threw his hand up to wipe them away. He shook his head again, this time more violently.

“No, no he can’t be… I-I didn’t report the last mission! I need to, I-” He started to try to get up once more, this time Diego and Ben rushing to the bed to attempt to keep him from getting up any further.

“Luther, it’s okay, please! Calm down.” Vanya said, voice shaking as Luther struggled against his brothers.

“No! No I need to get back to training! I need to go to the weight room! I-I can lift 2,000 pounds now! I need to show Dad! He’ll take me to the tree again if I don’t show him! Just LET ME GO!” Luther shouted, furiously pounding his fists against Diego’s chest. Diego and Ben held him in place best they could, letting their brother dispel the pent up frustration into their bodies. They could take it, for now. And it was evident he was running out of steam.

Vanya wordlessly sat down on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. He stiffened at the touch, his incessant pounding coming to an abrupt stop.

“Luther, it’s alright. You don’t have to train.” She gently pulled Luther into her lap. It wasn’t too uncomfortable as he was about an inch taller than her at this point. It seemed to do the trick. Luther let himself be held from behind, something she knew never happened to them as kids. They were all so touch deprived and it pains her remembering how much Luther would avoid any touch at all a few months back.

Vanya rested her head on his shoulder and he found himself leaning into the touch, finding comfort in her firm embrace. He can’t remember the last time he was held like this.

“Your body has been through a lot, Lu. You can’t go up and lash out like that, okay? At least not right now, not until we get more answers.” Allison sad next to the pair on the bed, running a hand through Luther’s soft, golden hair. He nodded, feeling his eyes begin to sting yet again with tears. He closed them shut as the tears silently fell down his face.

“This is a lot to process, Luther. You’re doing a really good job so far. We just want to protect you. You know that, right?” Five spoke up softly. It hurt him seeing his brother so panicked, so afraid. Five remembers Diego and Luther saying something similar to him when he was in need.

“I’m sorry,” Luther choked out. “I-I didn’t mean to.” He opened his eyes and looked up at Diego and Ben. Ben looked fairly untouched. His hair was a bit disheveled at worst. Diego, however, was another story. He had a split lip and red marks along his neck and whatever skin was visible. He didn’t look angry or upset though. His brows were furrowed in concern.

The brown eyed man shook his head, “I know that, Lu. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. I’m okay, bro.” He knew Luther must be thinking there is going to be some sort of punishment. There always was when Luther and Diego would brawl as kids. Well, when they weren’t asked to brawl anyway. But that wasn’t the case anymore.

“Luther,” Klaus finally spoke up after a few moments of silence, “What did you mean by the tree?” He remembers Luther mentioning Reginald’s ‘favorite place’ at his funeral, but he never thought to ask him anything more about it.

Luther tensed, his gaze falling to his lap. He clenched his hands tightly, adamant on not crying anymore. Crying was weakness and Luther absolutely had no room for weakness. He had hit that quota enough today for a lifetime. And he can’t talk about the tree. Dad said so.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Luther mumbled.

Vanya’s stomach dropped. Whatever this is, whatever Luther isn’t saying, is something they don’t know about and there’s a reason for that. They all had experiences with their father they didn’t want to share. But eventually they all did. Or so she thought.

“Dad isn’t…he can’t hurt you anymore. I promise.” Vanya reassured from behind.

Luther’s grip tightened and he felt the moon shape imprints go deeper into his palms, finding the pain grounding. He deserved pain when he acted out of line.

Allison swiftly uncurled one of his fists and wrapped her hand in his. She knew that old habit of his from when they were children. She’s watched Luther dig at his palms until they were bleeding during post mission briefing sessions on more than one occasion. And she isn’t about to let her brother do that to himself again.

“This is a safe space, bro.” Klaus pressed gently, giving him an encouraging nod.

Luther sighed, glancing up and at the faces around the room. They were all watching him with a look concern. But there was more to it. He saw it in the way Klaus’ lips curled up ever so slightly, he saw it in Five’s dimple and Diego’s eyes. They weren’t going to judge him or punish him.

“Whenever I did something wrong, Dad would, he just liked that tree. And when I-I messed up he would take me there.” Luther focused on the arms around his waist and the hand in his, “At first it was a time out thing. He would exclude me from activities, which he knows I don’t like. I wanna be involved.”

“That wasn’t enough anymore I guess. I kept messing up. So he would make me fast for days on end after missions. Or Dad wanted me to throw things until my shoulders dislocated. But that wasn’t enough anymore either,” He continued, “I deserved more than that. He started to make me…help him. A-and if I did it well enough, he insisted on ‘helping me too’.” Luther’s voice was barely above a whisper once he finished. The rest of the room was silent, Luther’s IV drip being the only thing audible in the room. No one, absolutely no one, was expecting that.

Reginald was an asshole, yes. They all knew that. It was common knowledge just like how water is wet. But Reginald being a pedophile? Not only was he emotionally manipulative, but also sexually? To his own goddamn child? That was a whole other level that they were not prepared to hear. There was no way to be prepared to hear something like that.

“Luther, you did not deserve a single second of that, do you understand me?” Diego demanded, tone soft but assertive. He had to learn about sex trafficking and sexual abuse victims during the Police Academy. And he remembers how that was the most heartbreaking lesson of them all.

He learned how, especially young boys, will dismiss and refuse to acknowledge their abuse. Even more so if it was from their guardian. “You are not a bad child. You do not deserve to be treated like that. We love you, okay? Did…did Dad make you keep it a secret?”

Luther gave a short, “He said if I told anyone h-he’d kill one of you and say I did it. He said I’d go to jail for murder. But I always did it! I couldn’t let you guys get hurt…Dad loves me. He punishes me because he wants me to learn.” He said as if it didn’t need explaining, looking around the room at his siblings. He wasn’t expecting to find every single one of their eyes to be filled with tears themselves.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I-I’m sorry if I did something to-”

“Goddammit Luther, you didn’t do anything wrong! You didn’t. You’re a good boy, okay? Such a good boy, fuck.” Vanya squeezed her brother tighter, dropping her head in the crook of his neck.

Luther froze for a moment at the outburst before feeling something within him burst open. He was…allowed to be upset. He was allowed to be angry, to be sad, to be ‘weak’. A watery sob escaped his lips and within a second he turned around to wrap his arms around Vanya. They were properly holding one another now and Vanya let her brother grab her sweater in tight fists and cry. And he did so; ugly, heart wrenching sobs came from the small boy as he was being cradled in the small woman’s arms. His shoulders shook violently with each one. The rest of the siblings watched as this intimate moment unfolded before them. They all felt their souls leave their body, their hearts crushed.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Luther was no longer shaking and his eyes were dry. No one said a word. Were there words to even say? Allison wrapped her arms around her two siblings and Klaus got up to do the same. Then Diego, Ben, and Five. All six siblings wrapped their arms around Luther. Diego kissed the top of his head and Luther simply let himself be held for a few moments before breaking up.

Luther isn’t sure what happened in the 15 years or so he’s missed nor is he even completely aware of the situation he’s in. But one thing he can say for certain is he’s grateful for his siblings. Whatever they all went through in those years he wasn’t there for, it must have been painful. It must’ve fucking hurt. Because the love he’s feeling? The pure, genuine warmth and care? He couldn’t even begin to fathom anything like it - not in his timeline anyway. And he’s so glad he’s been given the opportunity to feel even a fraction of it.

[razorblade180]

Thin Divide

[Somewhere in the City of Mistral]

*Team JN_R and Oscar walking*

Nora:*sigh* This place is bigger than I thought. Are you sure we’re going the right way?

Jaune:*Looking at his scroll* Ruby sent me their location on where they should be. So we can’t be too far off now.

Nora:Yeah but that eight hours ago and we haven’t heard from them since! They could be anywhere and they aren’t returning our calls.

Ren:*looking at the many stores* Nora has a point; it’s not like them to not keep in touch. Even if we are in the city.

Oscar:Maybe they’re caught up in all the sights. It looks like this part of the kingdom has everything.

Jaune:*stops walking* Well the scroll says they should be around here. If I was Ruby what would grab my attention? Something that Yang would be into and reluctantly drag Weiss there; Blake would go along for the ride...

Oscar:*looking around* Uhhh I think I found the best store for that.

*everyone looks at a store with a blue lit up sign. Icons of controllers on each side*

“Thin Divide”

Nora:A gaming store?

Ren:That sounds about right to me.

Jaune:Good work Oscar. *everyone walks inside*

*a spacious well sized interior filled with new and retro games alike. Posters figures fill the walls. Slight dust fills the air of the dim room*

Oscar:This is an interesting place.

Ozpin : (Hmmm, this place feels....off)

Ren:I wonder if this place is opened for business?

“Oh, we’re open!”

*A 27 year old man wearing a green shirt and black slacks walks up. Eyes and shaggy hair matching the shirt.*

Mic:Hello, the name is Mic. Co owner of this fine little shop; always a pleasure to meet new customers. Hey Sonia, we have company!

*A 28 year old woman in similar attire but with a blue shirt matching her eyes and long hair walks up*

Sonia:Hello! I’m the Co owner of this store as well; the name is Sonia.

Mic and Sonia: Welcome to Thin Divide where worlds collide!

Sonia:Psst! Nin, do the thing.

*16 year old with red eyes, hair, and shirt walks up to throw confetti*

Nin:You guys are so extra sometimes. I’m Nin by the way; I just work for these maniacs known as siblings. *grabs broom*

Jaune:Family business huh? That’s cool.

Ozpin:(This sounds vaguely familiar. Thin Divide? Where have I heard it?)

Mic:So what brings you here? You all look like you know your way around a controller.

Ren:Well, we’ve played games together before.

Sonia:That’s great! There’s nothing like sharing the experience of a new world with friends by your side; learning and growing together. It’s fantastic! Have you come here for another new experience?

Nora:Actually we were wondering if our friends came in here by any chance? Four girls that are around our age.

Sonia:Colorful in clothing and personality?

ORNJ:Yep that’s them.

Mic:Yeah we saw them; funny group. Nin helped them pick a game.

Nin:Yep, took them forever to decide though. Only two looked really into it.

Jaune:Do have any idea where they went? We haven’t seen them in awhile.

Nin:That’s because they’re still here playing.

Ren:*looking around* Uhhh we’re the only ones in here.

Sonia:Duh, they’re here, just not in the store. We’ll technically I guess they are but also aren’t.

*everyone looking at each other confused.*

Jaune:Ummm how are they here but not here?

Mic:Simple, *smiles* they’re in a game.

.........

Jaune:What?

Ozpin:(Wait......)

Mic:You heard me correctly; they’re in a game of their choosing. It’s like our slogan says.

Sonia:People from our world colliding with the rules of another. Isn’t awesome!?

Nora:You...can’t be serious. They can’t be serious right?

Ren:They sure sound serious enough.

Nin:*sigh* as usual nobody believes us. *holds up a key shaped blade* why don’t you see for yourself.

Jaune:.....*slowly reaches out*

*hand gets smacked away*

Jaune:Hey what was that for Osca- *pulled into a huddle*

Ozcar:Don’t touch anything here.

Ren:Professor Ozpin?

Nora:Wait, don’t tell me this is all true?

Ozcar:I can’t say for certain, but through the lifetimes I have indeed heard tales of people seeing and getting trapped in far of realms. I’ve never encountered anything like it myself but...

Jaune:You think this place might actually be the real deal?

Ozcar:Stranger things have happened. Can’t be too careful.

Ren:So, what should we do? If what they say is true then team RWBY is....

*huddle breaks up*

Ozcar:So, another world huh?

Mic:Yep! Undergoing a journey until they reach the credits; if they reach the credits that is.

Jaune:Are you saying they have to beat the game!?

Nin:Duh, who goes on a journey without seeing it through. That’s lame; the game they’re in isn’t exactly treacherous though. It might take them forever to beat though.

Ren:Well...if that truly is the case....

Nora:Can we go and speed things up? We’re sort of supposed to on an actual journey.

Sonia:Out of the question! You just want to barge in while they’re in the middle of their quest?

Ozcar:Technically we’re all one big team. If anything they should be waiting for us so we enjoy this experience together.

Mic:Hmmm I see what you’re trying to do here. Well it’s hard to argue with that point, but it’s really Nin’s choice to let you in. He picked out the game.

Nin:*polishing different weapons* I don’t mind; I’m a bit curious to see how a game meant for one player handles nine unique individuals. Especially when one of them doesn’t have a body. *looks at Oscar*

Oscar:(Uh, how does know about us?)

Ozcar:*definsive* Well isn’t this place just full of unexpected surprises? Why do I get the feeling all of you are older than you think?

Nin:Why indeed? *smiles* Sonia can you tell them the rules while I’ll go get the game?

Sonia:*clears throat* Alright you newbies, I’m gonna give you the long and short of it. You grab a game or prop of a game and say it’s title. After that one of two things will happen. You’ll find yourself in the game, or the game comes to our world.

Ren:A game can come into our reality?

Sonia:Well yes and no. It’s sort like you and the world meet halfway in a special mix of both. In either circumstance once you beat the game or objective, everything goes back to normal. Oh, and only the people who went on the journey remember it. Keeps things simple that way. For this game looks like you’ll be diving into their world. Those are my favorite.

Mic:While the game is active you will abide by the mechanics and limits of it. They usually end up bending a little to compensate for the number of players. Things very from game to game; keeps things interesting. Also, once you start, you have to finish.

Jaune:.....What if you die in the game?

Mic:Someone is rather serious, aren’t they?

Jaune:.....

Sonia:*thumps Mic* Don’t worry about dying; it’s a game. Death in there doesn’t mean you die for real; you’ll respawn. That being said, it’s still your actual body being used so pain will feel real. There’s only one way to actually die.

........

Nin:*walking back up* Since it’s your real body you’ll age. Some people find themselves unable to beat a game, or decide to live in it forever.

Nora:So dying from actual old age is possible. That’s....dark. So what happens if it takes ten years to beat a game?

Nin:Odds are you’re probably staying in there if you take that long. But, if you do manage to get out you’ll get those years back. Our goal isn’t to ruin lives; just create new experiences.

Sonia:It’s up to you for it to be a good one. So have fun with it!

Nin:*holds out a tablet looking object. Almost like a customized scroll* I got the game for you guys. Seeing how it’s already started I can’t be sure where exactly you’ll start at. When you’re ready hold touch it and say the name.

*Everyone puts a finger on it*

Jaune:Uhh you guys ready?

Ren:Not really but sounds like it’s mostly safe?

Nora:Well we won’t know unless we try!

Oscar:On three then. 1....2......

ORNJ:Breath of the Wild......

*all of them vanish into the object*

Nin:*putting it in a glass case* I hope the Sheikah Slate can handle nine players in it.

Mic:It’ll be fine, but you forgot one thing...

Sonia:They weren’t holding hands; now they won’t spawn in at the same location. Actually, I don’t think the other group held hands either.

Nin:Oops.....oh well, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

[gasoline-and-matches-story]

Gasoline and Matches--Chapter One

Author’s notes: Greetings, lovelies--Spirit here bringing some original content for once. I’ve been working on this story for a long time, started it in high school with my friend @tiltingplanet. I hope you all enjoy the first chapter, any feedback would be lovely.

Chapter One

“I swear to fucking god--I am not skinny dipping in a random cave pool with you assholes.”

Yomi winced at the overly loud voice of her fellow classmate, pressing her back to a cave wall while everyone bickered. The tucked away corner of stone was her only solace--Hard, cold despite the sticky heat that came with a summer day. Of all the things she could have done with her Saturday, this was by far the most reckless. Idiotic. Completely out of character for the white and black-haired girl. Not one for parties or celebrations of any kind, yet here she was on private property in the middle of that god damn night. Trespassing in an abandoned cave system with seven other rowdy teenagers, trying her best to sit and not be noticed while a small bonfire flickered orange hues onto the cave walls in tantalizing patterns. As if the evening wasn’t hot enough.

To be fair, she didn’t consider herself close to any one of these people, minus Bethany--the girl who dragged Yomi to the party in the first place. A beautiful, bubbly female with dark skin and a personality that stretched on for miles. Saying no to such perseverance was impossible for Yomi, who wasn't the most assertive to begin with. One thing lead to another, someone mentioning the caves and a bonfire before piling eight troublemakers into a minivan. Yomi was, literally and figuratively, dragged into the situation. To say she went kicking and screaming was heavily exaggerated, but boy it sure felt like it. Beth was way too aggressive for her own good, and Yomi considered herself a push-over despite all the rules she set to make sure these kinds of situations didn’t happen.

Should have stayed home. Shouldn’t have come out here, but...

There was  hesitation, a reluctance that clung to the walls of her skull and refused to let go no matter how much reason was thrown at it. Was it really so wrong to want to try and be a teenager for once? To be out with people her own age, kissing the final year of high school goodbye with something silly and reckless. At least, in this case, she could have done better. They could have chosen a safer, cleaner, less illegal place to kick up her feet. But alas, idiotic minds seemed to think alike in these cases--There were very few voices of reason, and the loudest ones seemed to be those aching to be as reckless as possible.

“Come on, Em,” Jack’s slightly slurred words drew Yomi out of her thoughts, the drunken creature sitting on a rickety arm chair and sipping cheap beer--issue number one? Check. Underage drinking was by far her least favorite part of the evening, “Where’s your sense of adventure? Some hot springs, a little consensual nudity...what could be more fun?”

Jack was a twin, the other member of the set being his sister Ann. Yomi peered between the two as surreptitiously as possible, analyzing the similar shades of blonde hair and green eyes. They were both equally aggravating when it came to starting grievances in school, bouncing off each other like a very bad game of pong. Attractive, but in a similar way to things like poisonous frogs. Bright, shiny, masking jagged edges and toxic skin underneath all the pretty smiles and charismatic exteriors. Yomi knew well enough not to get close, but they were friends with Beth as well.

Jack was addressing Emma, one of the other girls Yomi knew was as reluctant to be there as she was. Voice of reason number one--Closer to the fire, sitting cross-legged on a thin blanket as she tried to ignore the men imploring her to go. She was the definition of tall and curvaceous, the flickering fire light casting shadows over her form from head to toe. Yomi almost rolled her eyes at the men frothing at the mouth--judging by Emma’s figure, their flimsy excuses were pretty obviously hiding their real reason for wanting her to come.

Emma was not oblivious.

“Eat shit and drown,” She held up her middle finger at Jack, shoving his face away when he tried to make pleading eyes, “I have to drive you dumb fucks home later. I’m not letting anyone into my car while wet, and if any of you try its an automatic pass to walking home.”

The caves weren’t an extreme distance from the small town they all lived in, but it was far enough that most of the fire-side listeners actively winced. 

Jack practically whined, those green eyes wide and pleading as he implored, “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Em…! Why would you wanna pass up on the healing experience?”

“You and I have very differing opinions on what is considered healing,” Emma retorted, sipping a bottle of soda and turning in a different direction, “I’m not here to dip into some glorified, stanky cave water. But by all means don’t let me stop you, Jackie. Just be prepared for the consequences of walking home on the interstate and explaining to the police chief why you’re out so late and dripping wet to boot.”

Several groans rang out, Jack flopping back in that chair and pouting like a sulking child. Drinking, as expected, turned the teen into the equivalent of a drunken toddler. Yomi still found herself sighed internally with relief, letting that curtain of hair fall forward to shield her face a bit. There were currently more girls than boys, so their dumb idea was overruled for the most part. But...she doubted that would be the case for long, not with a certain someone growing more and more intrigued with each passing second and gulps of alcohol. Bethany was the only one way too on board for her own good, eyes sparkling at the notion of even seeing a hot spring and spending time with the boys in general. She was such a smart girl, exceeding incredibly well in class and reaching top marks despite all the chaos she included herself in.

She just craved excitement far too much, compared to the girl she dragged along with her.

It seemed way too dangerous in Yomi’s opinion, especially considering these caves were abandoned for a reason. Mind you, they weren’t too far in. There was a large hole in the ceiling showing the night sky, venting the smoke so they wouldn’t spend the evening coughing and hacking. But the cave system further down had to be treacherous, carved out long ago by either flooding or miners, she wasn’t sure on the details to be completely honest. Each member of the town seemed to have their own take on just how the cave system got there. And with someone in the group walking with crutches, there was no way their desired spelunking adventure should come to pass, right?

Yomi looked at the girl in question, peering through the safety of her black and white hair to examine Mira’s face. 

Sitting opposite of her by the fire was the girl in question, seeming lost in thought while the others argued and laughed. She was pretty in an unconventional sort of way, with strong features and red hair cropped short at her shoulders. Out of everyone in the group, Mira being here was the only thing more surprising than Yomi herself--exploring in an abandoned cave system on forearm crutches was a terrible idea. After a car accident in freshman year, Mira had been through a slew of surgeries to fix extensive damage to her legs. It wasn’t perfect, but she could walk with the aid of a cane on occasion, more than that on others.. Out of everyone here, she was another one not drinking, sitting in a lawn chair with her scarred legs stretched out near the fire. Just close enough to warm her skin, the flickering flames casting dancing patterns over the roadmap of surgery marks, of cuts long healed and what had to be extensive pain. 

Strong.

Yomi admired her heavily, Mira had far more guts and determination than she ever could. It took strength to come back from what she endured, and even more so to keep going with an attitude of non-caring. Head held high, chin up, feet moving.

She seemed a tad bit annoyed with the boys as well, pushing her cropped red hair behind her ear and narrowing those emerald green eyes on Jack’s pouting face. He was still bitching, the alcohol making his words a bit sloppy.

“Didn’t take this lot to be a buncha pussies,” He complained, crushing the now-empty beer can against his thigh and tossing it to the side, “Came all this way and y’all won’t even follow through…!”

“Careful, Jack, your hick is showing.” Mira retorted, sipping innocently from a can of soda when he whipped his gaze over to her. She remained unperturbed, as always.

“Saying the word y’all isn’t hick,” There was a frown on his lips, mingled with intense disappointment as those rusty gears that made up his alcohol-soaked brain started to grind in thought, “That’s cowboy shit, right?”

His sister Ann, who was spread over a sheet on the dusty floor, let out a heavy groan at his words and pressed her hands to her face in absolute exasperation. It was very clear who was in ownership of the shared twin brain cell at that moment.

“Jack you are the most humiliating fucking person I have ever met,” She sighed, tone sounding so tired while everyone else cracked up laughing at Jack’s expense, “Cowboys are a southern thing you absolute twat.”

Yomi purposely looked away while the others started cackling, sipping from a can of soda and trying to focus on the sugary contents as a means of avoiding laughter herself. Jack was never the brightest bulb in the pack, and cheap beer made it all worse. Underage drinking was never a good idea, and the quiet girl hated it with a passion, so this was just proving every point she had created for herself. Bad behavior? Check. Enhancing foolish ideas to the point that they seemed like good ones? Check. Turning an already idiotic eighteen year old into a god damn man child? Two checks and a very exasperated Yomi there to write them in.

Jack puffed up like an angry cat, glaring daggers at his sister as he stammered, “W...well I knew that…! I was just, y’know…”

“Being a dumbass?” Emma provided helpfully, sitting back and leaning all her weight on her arms, “Baby steps, Jackie. You’ll reach the basic level of human intelligence someday.”

Yomi felt like that was heavily unlikely, but she kept her mouth shut, instead fiddling with the trim on her shorts while the group erupted again. There was certainly a lot of drinking going on with Jack, Ann, Beth, and Jake. Ann handled it a lot better than the boys did, but Beth was turning into a giggly sorority girl, which was definitely not a good thing. They were the loudest of the group when it came to laughing and joking, whereas Clark, Emma, and Mira were as calm as Yomi was. At least there were some sane people in the group. 

How much longer was it going to be before she could go home? Beth had lost all interest in her now that she was bouncing off the others, the girl’s choice to drink not sitting well with Yomi. Alcohol as a whole always put the quiet group member on edge, an extra reason why she wanted to be free of these idiots.

They’re not idiots, She reminded herself, shoulders slumping a bit at her own rude line of thinking, They’re being normal teenagers. You’re the odd one here.

Reprimanding herself was the only way to correct her own negativity toward others, so she tried to make it a habit. Yomi also tried to force herself to relax--this was supposed to be fun, right? She was out with kids her age, doing “crimes” and nibbling on fireside food late at night. Trying to look on the bright side of it, to find good in the bad. Given the choice, however, she wished there was less underage drinking involved.

“Now now, kids,” Clark’s baritone voice pulled her out of her musings, looking up to see the dark-skinned male stand up and brush off the dust, “How about we just walk around for a bit? Some basic spelunking, no swimming involved.”

The two other boys perked up at that, practically bouncing in the orange hue of the fire as they stood as well.

“I like that word,” Jake, the other group trouble maker and notoriously horny on main, purred as he slung an arm around Emma and dragged her up unwillingly--someone was going to lose a finger, Jake the best candidate, “Come on now, kitten, let’s go spelunking. Sounds sexy, amiright?”

Em made a visible face of disgust, firmly peeling his arm off of her and gripping to the point of pain. Made obvious by Jake’s yelp of alarm. 

“Call me kitten again, and you’ll be experiencing the joy of my size seven shoes up your ass.” She said in a sugary sweet tone, one that barely veiled the threat she was putting across.

He whined in response, yanking his arm back and rubbing his aching wrist. Everyone else seemed to be standing as well, easily convinced by Clark’s reasonable tone, much to Yomi’s absolute dismay. So much for not  exploring the caves. This was shaping to be an incredibly nerve-wracking evening, the dark tunnels plummeting into the Earth seeming intimidating and empty when she turned to gaze into them. It made the timid girl incredibly nervous, coming to her feet as well and gripping the edges of her blouse with firm fingers. They were already in a place they shouldn’t be, so why add the extra danger to the mix?

 Even Mira, the one who seemed like she shouldn’t be cave diving at all, was now on board. Not wanting to be left out from anything. Yomi contemplated giving her an imploring look, but thought against it. 

“Jake, you would find the word ‘hamper’ sexy. Get over yourself.” With that, the redhead struggled to her feet, limping across the cave with both hands firmly grasping the crutches on her arms. She seemed completely determined, those green eyes sharp and gait suggesting she wouldn’t be swayed in the slightest.

“Mira, hold on! Let me walk with you.” Clark scrambled up, boy scout instincts kicking in to make sure Mira didn’t fall to her doom somewhere. Yomi liked that about Clark-- that he genuinely cared about people. Only problem was that he was a negotiator, trying to find a middle ground for what everyone wanted.

Too bad what Yomi wanted was to go home and be free of this situation. But Clark didn’t know that, especially not with her too nervous to speak up. 

Jake made a face at Mira's back, sounding incredibly immature as he mocked, “Myeh myeh myeh, I'm Mira and have to be sarcastic all the time.”

He blew a raspberry, which was further evidence that not a single male in the group could handle drinking without morphing into a child. Yomi almost rolled her eyes. 

“Grow up, Jake.” Several of the girls said dryly in reply, sounding like a choir of reason in the face of such nonsense. All but Bethany, who was seeming to have a great time now that the spelunking operation was back on board.

This was starting to become tiresome--Yomi would have rather not sit there and listen to the banter that cropped up when Jake got into one of those moods again. Not to mention the fact that staying with Beth would only result in her being sucked into all the horniness they were carrying around. And shockingly enough...someone seemed to notice her exhausted expression before she managed to hide it. Emma had been staring across the cave at Yomi, those stern eyes searching and missing nothing, especially not with her knowing full well that Beth had played a big part in dragging the reluctant new member of the group along.

What Yomi didn’t expect was for her to actually act on it.

“Why don’t you guys go exploring without us?” The woman suggested helpfully to one half of the group, eyeing Mira as she clung to Clark a bit for support and sounding incredibly disapproving of the situation, “I’ll keep an eye on the dumbasses while they look for water, and to prevent any potential cave ins caused by Jake and Jack’s stupidity--”

Cave-ins?

“Hey!” Both boys protested, looking thoroughly chastised--like somehow the idea of them causing trouble was absolutely ludicrous.

“Regardless,” Emma interjected loudly, rolling her eyes at their ranging expressions of insult and annoyance, “I’d rather Yomi and Clarke make sure Mira doesn’t fall in somewhere, you’re the only ones other than me who are sober.”

Clark and Mira seemed surprised to even hear Yomi’s name, turning to look at her with mirrored expressions of shock as if her presence had been lost on them both. It occurred to her that pair had probably not talked to her in school much before, outside asking for help with a question or for borrowing a pencil. Hell, Yomi hadn’t said a word the whole trip minus occasionally mumbling to Beth, replying to her constant questions and cheerful banter as much as she could handle. So those expressions they wore should not be hurtful.

Right?

“Oh, cool, the more the merrier.” Clark said, awkwardly dithering behind Mira as she sought to walk further into the cave. Almost impatiently. The redhead looked eager for adventure, green eyes sparkling in the firelight as she nudged the bigger male’s arm with her forearm crutches.

Am I doing this right? Yomi wondered anxiously, keeping her eyes on Mira like observing the girl would somehow teach her the proper ways to act, Should I be excited instead of worried? Shouldn’t I want to do something risky?

While she fretted, everyone continued on obliviously. Beth had zero complaints with Em’s demands, seeming more than happy to walk around with the other guys in her drunken state. She smiled cheerfully, giving a small finger wave as Emma locked arms with her, “M’kay, we’ll meet back up here, yeah?”

She didn’t wait for Yomi’s response, turning and practically dragging Emma down a branching path. Thank god the more reasonable woman was going with them, to make sure no one did anything stupid. All of it was all too much to bear for someone like Yomi, the drunken state of her fellow classmates a bit too intimidating. She was grateful for that at the very least, they needed one reasonable person to make sure the skinny dipping didn’t happen, and to keep Beth safe and sound from such exasperating indivduals. 

Regardless, she turned when Mira pushed forward eagerly, trailing carefully behind while Clarke shadowed the redhead’s steps.  The heat of the bonfire slowly started to fade as they pushed through the jagged edges of the tunnel entrance, wary not to trip on a few huge rocks and pieces of the cave wall. All the while Yomi was trying to shake her sense of worry, scrambling to figure out just what to say to her two classmates. Why was this so hard? Once upon a time she had friends, close to so many people in elementary school until...well. Things had changed, so much had happened that it sometimes felt like her head was still spinning from the stress of all of it. There was solace in silence, one she had come to rely on far too much.

Luckily...it would not need to be thought about long, because someone took the reigns out of her hesitant hands and spoke. The same someone she had started looking to for any indication on how to be a normal human being. 

“Didn't want to listen to them either?” Mira asked casually as the light began to die away, sloping downwards into darkness and snapping Yomi out of her thoughts, “I don't blame you. The best people have brains in their heads...I think Jake has vodka instead.”

Clark snorted, laughing into his hand. At least he was finding amusement in this. She couldn’t help herself either--Yomi half smiled in agreement, surprised to find comfort in their company now that the more rowdy group members were separated and relieved that the other girl seemed at ease with drawing her into the conversation. Mira had the habit in school of saying the crass version of what everyone was thinking, speaking her mind at all times, but it was somehow...welcome, and accurate. Jake, best known for puking on his SAT thanks to a hangover, absolutely had a skull full of cheap vodka.

“I think you may be right,” Yomi replied, gaze turned away and pulling out her phone to light the path once it occurred to her how low the visibility was getting, “Do you guys think this is a good idea…? Maybe splitting up to go cave diving on abandoned property isn’t...the smartest.”

Mira let out a light laugh at that, leaning heavily on her cane as she replied, “This group isn’t known for their brains. Though I will say,” She gave Yomi a side-long glance, raising one delicate eyebrow at her, “Pretty surprised to see you at this little get-together. You never seemed to be the partying type.”

That made the girl wince, turning away from Mira’s searching eyes. She certainly had the knack for saying exactly what would make one squirm, which was fine when it wasn’t directed at the most nervous one of the group. There was a prolonged silence as Yomi thought over the comment in general, trying to gather the best thing she could say in response. This was the topic of the year, muttered in hallways with curious and skeptical eyes watching her. Why doesn’t Yomi “participate” in anything? Does she think herself to be better than everyone because of her family? To come out to a party such as this after three whole years of keeping to herself, trying desperately to stay under the radar--it was understandable that Mira would be curious.

Others were just too cowardly to ask.

“I...well...I wanted to try.” Yomi murmured in reply, feeling both sets of eyes on her as she stepped down over a lip in the path. She couldn’t remember ever speaking about this to anyone, keeping all the issues locked up tight without burdening another person. But in the dark of the caves, out of her element...something could change, right?

“Just for a day. To try and be... normal.”

Whether or not that made sense was the question, but Yomi didn’t think there would be anything to worry about on that front. They definitely understood what was being put across, there was no doubting that. She realized easily as she turned to watch Clark help Mira down the incline, meeting his now-sympathetic gaze and feeling a bit surprised by the serious expression he wore. It didn’t change much to send him into concerned, big brother mode it would seem. Those dark eyes were gentle in the dim lighting, reflecting the glow of her cell phone with a steady gaze meeting her own

“Is it hard,” He asked hesitantly, like the thought hadn’t entered his head before, “For you to be normal? Or rather...to feel normal.”

Mira pursed her lips, emerald-green eyes also glinting in the light from Yomi’s phone as she waited for the reply.

Yomi let out a light hum in response, meeting Mira’s steady gaze and trying to decipher the emotion there. Something akin to understanding, thoughtful in nature. Since she asked the original question, it felt only right to give such answers to her.

“Might sound  silly, but...it does,” Yomi admitted, feeling strangely at ease while talking to someone like the brash redhead. There was something about her, a silent camaraderie Yomi didn’t understand--maybe due to how much the troubled girl respected and admired her? Strong, steadfast and determined in everything she did. Mira was certainly not the type to judge, nor had she partaken in all the criticizing that went around the school. She simply felt...curious, “It felt easier to just stay quiet and get through school as fast as I could. I...wanted to try and have fun for once.”

Mira snorted, saying exactly what Yomi herself had thought previously in the evening, “Hard to call that shit fun. We could have stayed at Clark’s place, watching anime reruns and covering ourselves in crumbs from the safety of his couch.”

Yomi blinked in response. She had never been to Clark’s house before--the very notion of being able to was somehow strange, a nice change of pace. Her brain created its own images of someplace nice and cozy, domestic in comparison to the big, empty house she lived in on a daily basis. It sounded pleasant.

Mira’s words made their classmate smile, a flash of those pearly whites as he laughed, “You’re just saying that because you like my dog.”

“And what moron wouldn’t?”

Yomi hid her smile at their conversation, trying to instead focus on navigating the narrow path in the dark. It was eerily quiet in the caves besides the echoing words from the other two. No dripping water, no sounds of animals or anything at all. Didn’t caves have bats? Mice? Strange eldritch creatures hungering for their flesh? Her imagination was getting out of control, which needed to be halted before it got worse. The path was starting to widen a bit, the walls looking less craggy and jagged to...smooth? Almost curved at the top like an archway, air drifting in from their backs and overcoming the stagnant smell with the one of crackling firewood. This felt...odd--why was the floor so even, the walls spaced perfectly like the cave had been carved out long ago?

Maybe these were mining caves after all?

Yomi frowned a bit, feeling along the wall and noticing what looked to be something carved into the stone and rock. It was strangely out of place on the crumbling, misshapen tunnel--everything around it had long since been messed up by the earth shifting and changing, but it was only this area that seemed to remain untouched, smooth, undisturbed by nature or anything like that. Yomi probed her fingers further, turning the light on her phone to brighten up what she was feeling for further examination. But that only increaded the confusion, amping up the surprise when she saw first hand what her hands were touching.

Not cracks, not carvings. These markings were different than that, and far more precise.

It looked almost...runic, made up of intricately curved lines and shapes. They reminded her of something she had seen in a video game, or a fantasy movie with witches and wizards. It didn’t look chiseled either--almost like it was burned into the stone with lava or a razor thin torch. That...couldn’t be right though, could it? Was cave dwelling cultists another story told in town when people spoke of the caves? The memory wasn’t exactly there, which was somehow even more concerning. Someone definitely had to take the time to make such strange markings, it was incredibly intricate and beautiful in design. Who could have such dedication, to come into a dark cave and make something no one would ever see?

Yet here they were, seeing them.

This is so unbelievably bizarre.

“What’s wrong?” Clark asked, pulling out his phone as well to shine light on their feet. He took a few steps closer, leaning over Yomi’s shoulder to stare at the marking and letting out a low murmur of, “Wow, that’s strange. Never seen anything like it.”

An understatement to be sure. It was almost ridiculous, like something she would have seen in a movie or storybook.

Mira came up on the other side as well, leaning her weight against the white and black-haired girl without a care in the world. Yomi paused in surprise, not minding the sudden contact, but...it felt weird having people be so close.

“Maybe some dumb devil-worshipping teenagers were down here,” She said dismissively, eyeing the rest of the tunnel with a troubled expression despite her laid-back tone, “Did any of you see a sheep’s carcass on our way down? Candles? Shrines devoted to the dark Lord Satan?”

Clark clicked his tongue disapprovingly, “See now, that’s not funny.”

“I thought it was hilarious,” Mira smirked, shoving his shoulder with one of her crutches, “Lighten up, Superman. Most you have to be scared of down here is Jake’s wandering hands.”

Yomi sighed at their joking, pressing her fingertips to the marks and tracing out one of the more prominent lines. Satan worshipers was one thing, but in a small town like theirs people like that would have been incredibly obvious. Even then, what the hell did they use to get the marks so precise and small? It certainly didn’t  look carved, at least not to her eyes-- more like it was burned into the stone’s surface like a brand. But if there was any scorching, it was not found by her carefully searching eyes in the dark. Something about it felt ominous and strange--the hairs on the back of Yomi’s neck stood up, signalling to her that they should probably just turn back.

Skinny dipping was one thing, finding mysterious symbols in a dark tunnel was definitely outside her final walls of comfort. She had enough spooks for one day, that was for certain.

But when she turned to tell them that, Clark was pressing onward, sliding one hand along the wall and holding up his phone with the other. Mira was following slowly behind, managing fairly well on her forearm crutches and staring at what had now garnered the boy’s attention.

Yomi blinked, eyes widening when she saw more and more symbols lining the walls, different in their patterns and designs and now taking up almost every available space. What the hell was all of this? She quickened her step, keeping half of her focus on Mira to make sure the girl wouldn’t stumble, the other half on the newfound mystery. Marking after marking, curving up toward the ceiling and turning into swirling images as they danced over the curves and stone. Depicting otherworldly creatures, dragons and giant birds in flight as they clashed in the sky. 

They were beautiful, but wasted in a cave such as this.

“Where did these come from…?” Yomi murmured, tracing the patterns with each step and unable to understand any of it, “You would think someone else would have found these markings, but...No one mentioned them, did they?”

She spent a lot of her time observing and listening. Even when news of these caves spread, no one spoke of something such as this.

Clark frowned, his brow furrowing as he lost himself in thought, “Now that you mention it...I was told there was one tunnel system, not two paths. There was rubble around the one we took, the edges more jagged. Maybe this way was opened by a cave in?”

Yomi blanched, taking a very measured step backwards in the direction they entered in. If there had been a collapse before, it could very well happen again. Now that she thought about it, the entry way did have a bit of debris, and Emma had spoken of something like that being possible before herding the drunken members of the group away.

Not safe. We need to go.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Mira huffed, genuine concern on her face now as she mimicked Yomi’s motion and stepped backwards, “If cave-ins are a thing, we need to bounce. Too much danger for my liking.”

That was a hard agreement on Yomi’s part. She already felt uneasy about coming to an abandoned cave in the middle of the woods, especially when it was technically illegal. Mind you, kids had done it before and generally only got a slap on the wrists. But Yomi didn’t particularly want to be arrested, especially considering who she was. If she got arrested, if her step father and mother found out what she was doing…

Bad, very bad.

"Yeah, let's head back. We can go to my house," Clark gave Yomi a welcoming smile, putting a hand around Mira’s arm to hold her steady. "You can come too, if you want--my dog Ruby is a sweetheart, loves everyone. We call her Boobie.”

His words make Yomi pause, a hesitant delight blooming in her chest at how eager he was to try and be kind to her. Clark was known for being the friendly sort, but unlike Bethany he was nowhere near as pushy or forceful about it. A gentle giant, one who respected people’s personal space. Even people in their class who weren’t his friends know that he'd be there if they needed him, and having him extend that same courtesy to her despite the reputation floating around school…

I’m not used to this.

She opened her mouth to reply, trying to formulate some sort of coherent response or maybe ask if it was really alright with them, but something made her focus start to drift.

...What is that sound?

Yomi blinked, ears suddenly hyper-focusing on the cave around them in a brief second of clarity from the racing thoughts. It had been shockingly quiet in this area before, far from the crackling fire and rowdy classmates. No dripping water, no bats, nothing but the echos of their own voices bouncing further into the landscape. But now...something was there, making all three teenagers pause and glance at each other in confusion. It was low, so low that for a second Yomi thought she was imagining it, but it brought a sensation that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, vibrating the bottoms of her feet every so slightly. A humming, like a deep bass was vibrating through the cave and growing in quiet intensity. It was the sort of thing one could feel in their lungs, loud and quiet at the same time.

Mira shot a confused look at Yomi’s face, placing a hand on the wall while her forearm crutch dangled a bit. For whatever reason, it made the other girl mimic her action--the humming sensation felt like it was radiating from the walls, below their feet and rising upwards. Clark was the only one who didn’t seem compelled to touch the cool stone, shining his light down the tunnel with a worried expression on his face. What the hell was that sound? What is going on? So ominous, so...mysterious. Surely not from her fellow classmates, they had nothing that could cause something like this, not the pulsing waves of bass that seemed to vibrate from below.

Break...shatter to pieces. 

Was...that a voice speaking? The white and black-haired girl gasped, turning to look at Mira to see if she heard it too--the answer was a clear yes. Her green eyes met half-way with Yomi’s hazel gaze, filled with quiet alarm and fascination mingled in one. Clark was the only one who didn’t seem to hear it, still looking around with a perplexed gaze at the humming.

Break. Shatter.

Let us in.

I’m tired of waiting--I SAID BREAK.

A crackling sound suddenly range out, making Yomi flinch at the sudden shattering of silence and snapping her gaze to the ground. Bright, it’s bright--what is going on? A burst of light made them all gasp, the marks on the wall lighting up in a flash of purple energy that slithered through every curve, every line and circle all the way up into the ceiling with a searing howl that razed against her ears. It all happened so fast, so suddenly there was no room to react. As it traveled along her palm, Yomi yelped at a flash of heat, falling back and jerking her hand to her chest in unison with Mira. It stung terribly, like pressing against a hot brand under her skin was sizzling from the wound of it.

What the fuck was that?

Both girls stared in shock, Clark putting himself behind them to make sure neither fell onto the floor. Yomi felt her back hit his chest when she reared back, his heartbeat fast and just as alarmed as hers was as he stared in mute shock at the glowing runes all over the walls.

Quick as it came, the light left, traveling up to the images on the ceiling and disappearing in a flash of sizzling violet. Every hair on Yomi’s arms was standing on end, heart pounding in her chest and hand stinging terribly. What was that? What the fuck just happened? The air felt charged, like static electricity and smelled of something...strange, like nothing she had ever encountered before. There was no mistaking that it had happened, all three classmates stood huddled in a state of shock as the humming subsided ever so slightly. Mira breathing heavily, Clark’s hands firm on their shoulders as he held them as steady as he could with shaking fingers.

Something had just happened, something none of them understood.

“Holy shit,” Mira whispered, leaning against Yomi and wincing as she lifted her injured hand. Yomi stared in shock at her palm, seeing the same markings from the wall seared into her flesh--upon looking at her own, the girl was met with the same image. The skin around the wound tingled, charged with an inexplicable energy that made her whole hand uncomfortable, “What the fuck was that? You all saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate some weird fucking energy burning my hand.”

Yomi shook her head, taking in a shaking breath as she stared at the stinging mass of markings now on her flesh, “N...no...we all saw it…” She turned her gaze to stare down the tunnel, hearing that same humming still radiating ever so slightly further along, “I’ve never seen anything like that...never.”

It had been...frightening, but incredible at the same time. Exhilarating, like an adventure she had never been allowed to have. 

And shockingly enough, Mira was feeling the same way. When Yomi returned her gaze to the red-headed girl, she saw her own excitement echoed there, growing in intensity as she too seemed to registered that they had been apart of something strange, something beyond their realm of understanding. Injured or not, it was outside the normativity of their everyday lives, and that was...was…

I want to understand this. I want to know more.

Clark was the only one who was visibly shaken from the incident, not sharing in their excitement as he stammered, “W...we should probably go...That shit isn’t normal, and you both are burnt…!” He took a step back, watching to make sure Mira had properly adjusted her crutches before pulling out his phone, “I’m gonna call Em and make sure she and the others are alright--let’s get going and tend to your wounds.”

Mira let out a light huff, wincing when she tried to grip the crutch with her injured palm and hanging back as Clark took a few steps in the direction they came from, “Hang on now--Aren’t you even a little curious? The walls were glowing, they burned like fire…!”

The eager redhead slid past Yomi, walking a bit awkwardly now that she was trying not to grip the one half of her crutches. Her gaze was locked on the markings, barely illuminated by her companion’s phone as she moved a bit further down the tunnel. Meanwhile, the more timid member of their group was torn, watching her actions and unconsciously trailing behind. Her brain was screaming at her to go back to safety, to leave before things got even worse--the mark burned into flesh would scar, a permanent reminder of this day, and yet she didn’t care. Mira was excited about what was going on...maybe it meant she could feel that way too? Maybe it was normal to want to understand the unknown.

But Clark wasn’t convinced, the only voice of reason as he turned to look at them a few feet away, “Not a chance--not where our safety is involved…!”

Maybe he’s right. Yomi frowned, still holding her injured hand cupped with the other one. Maybe another day, maybe after talking to the others about what happened? Leaving felt disappointing, but...some things were more important than discovery, right? The need to learn more, the curiosity swirling in her gut was so strong she almost spoke up on Mira’s behalf, pleading with Clark to let them look a little bit further. She was never the type to ask for things, it always felt so selfish. Especially now, with danger thrown into the mix.

How could Yomi possible hope to demand anything if it meant endangering the lives of both the people with her? It was not fair.

She instead returned her gaze to Mira, reading the same unhappiness there that she felt and returning it in kind. Both shared a silent moment of understanding, hazel staring into green, Yomi’s hesitant desires plain and clear on her face. The redhead looked ready to speak, spurned on even more by her classmate’s fellow eagerness.

But it was short lived, Clark’s words punctuated like fate itself was scolding them for their hesitation.

A loud rumble started shaking the cave, all three letting out varying cries of alarm and stumbling on their feet. Loud, everything was so loud--stone rattling, cracking, grinding with the force of the tremors rocking the small space.Yomi heard screams echo from the other side of the cave, bouncing all the way down to their tunnel and signalling that the others were feeling the tremor too--a cave in? Earthquake? There was so much was shaking, like the stone under their feet was shifting back and forth and threatening to make the unsteady girl fall to her knees. Clark tumbled back behind them, his phone clattering onto the floor but barely heard through the chaos surrounding the fearful students.

Yomi instinctively whipped around to look at Mira, reaching out to the girl as she screamed and started to fall in the dark. Everything seemed to move in slow motion for a moment--Yomi reaching, Mira falling, room rumbling...she’s still falling, further than she should. Yomi’s finger’s gripped one of the redhead’s arms, a slow sense of dread and alarm growing when she continued to plummet. Beyond the floor, beyond the--the floor is gone. The realization came too late, the shock snapping through her as it registered why the floor was so dark. It had given way, crumbling into nothingness and sending Mira into a free-fall.

A cave in, ground subsidence, Yomi’s head screamed at her, every warning bell going off as she prepared to hold Mira’s weight, She’s going to fall, she’s going to--

But when she tried to steady her weight, she felt it--a cracking underneath her feet. Yomi scrambled, a cry of alarm lodging in her throat as the cave in shattered more of what once appeared as solid stone. It bottomed out with a loud grinding sound, sending the frantic girls into a plummeting down toward the empty abyss. There was no true way to describe it, the feeling of falling with absolutely no purchase for her hands or feet. She’s going to die--we’re going to die. There was nowhere to grab onto, no footing, no nothing. Just empty space that her free fingers clawed for, eyes locked on their descent and hoping to god that Clarke was far enough away not to be pulled into it. Her palm was flaring in pain where it held Mira’s arm, the girl’s cries loud in her ears over the rushing of blood and adrenaline. 

But she still heard him as they fell, Clark’s scream of fear and horror as more stone collapsed over where they once stood.

“No…! Yomi! Mira…!”

Neither could response. All Yomi could do was cling to the other girl, heart pounding in her ears and a choked cry of terror lodged in her throat as the air rushed past.

As they plummeted into the nothingness.

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[fullsunhyuckie]

we grow up!

*here’s to mark’s graduation from dream! you’ve done well, mark.

slice of life!au

in which a group of strangers go for an adventure of a lifetime.

disclaimer: i know mark graduated yesterday but i wrote this story a long time ago and i feel like there isn’t a better time than now for me to post this. so here goes my tears :,) 

day0:

at 19, mark was unsure of his future.

it never crossed mark’s mind that the age, twenty, would come so early but boy was he wrong. it was as if it was only yesterday he just learnt how to chew gum.

mark was intending to go on a road trip for five days right before he officially becomes an adult. but you see, the downside of being a hardworking individual is that you simply have no friends. that’s how mark came up with the idea to invite 6 other teenagers around his age to follow him. he went to the local cafe right opposite his block. it was the place where teenagers often hang out.

there he met 6 other teens who were different yet he could connect with them easily. renjun, an 18 year old aspiring artist who left his hometown to pursue his dreams. he’s small but he can hit a bitch if he needs to. jeno, an 18 year old cheerful soul who will do anything to ensure that everyone is happy. he says he is no fun but he can turn on his funny button if he needs to. haechan, an 18 year old devilish boy who should’ve been born in the 80s. he picks on others but he sure is full of love. jaemin, a loveable 18 year old boy who could flirt for a living. he may seem a little odd with all the flirting but he’s the most loyal friend you can ever come across. chenle, a 17 year old loud loud child who is absolutely talented. he screams a lot but he definitely has a beautiful voice. and lastly, jisung, a 16 year old dancer who is insanely talented. he’s young but he is taller than you. a fact.

“let’s go on a road trip.” and that’s how their journey began.

day1:

mark thought this was a stupid idea. he was the only one who could drive so how was he supposed to fully experience his adventure. whatever it was, he still continued on. it’s not like he could find group of 6 other willing boys.

he borrowed his brother’s, johnny, red suv and drove right off. there was no plan, nothing. just 7 boys in a red suv ready to experience life together. it started off awkward. none of them talked. even haechan, the supposed moodmaker, was silent throughout the whole journey. there was just nothing they could talk about, they didnt know each other at all.

even as they reached the first pitstop, they were silent. probably just constant gag sounds from renjun because he disliked awkward situations. i mean it’s not like mark could do anything, he was driving. while they were having a cup of hot chocolate (weirdly enough, all of them ordered the same thing), mark blurted out a question about why they decided to follow him. they all had the same exact answer (well not exactly but you get it) and that is because they all have a dream,,,,,and then the awkward silence returned.

they all willingly agreed to pitch a tent and have a camp by the sea, the moment they arrived. well, at least it wasnt so awkward when they were asleep.

day2:

the next morning they drove off to have brunch. on the way to the diner, famous for their pancakes, haechan boosted his stereo to michael jackson’s bad and surprisingly all of them enjoyed it. they had more similarities than they thought they would. as they reached the diner, the mood was lighter than ever. it was as if sleeping together made them bond well. again, all of them ordered rather similarly. jaemin suggested they played a prank on the waitress to add a little spice to their morning. jisung decided that they should play a game and the loser has to sing the menu to the waitress.

as expected, renjun lost and he was forced to do the prank. he came up to her and before he could say anything the waitress said, “with voices as loud as you boys, you think i wouldnt know what you’re about to do? save yourself the embarrassment.” with that all of them ran out, leaving a red cheeked renjun standing in the middle of the diner. remember when i said renjun could hit a bitch if he wanted to? well this is what i meant. none of the boys left without a bruise. especially chenle who could not stop laughing.

they decided once again to stop by a park to take in fresh air. mark decided they should get to know one another even better. thats how they ended up playing a game of two truths and one lie. there were stupid lies and horribly dumb truths that came up and one that got mark thinking whether growing up was something he wanted. during haechan’s turn, he explained that his truth was that he was afraid of not having anywhere to go after being an adult. they all left what haechan said aside because truth be told none of them knew for themselves either.

they carried on playing other games and having dinner at the same diner because let’s be real, renjun’s pride comes after a good meal. but throughout the whole time, all of them started getting afraid of the horrors of their adulthood. even for jisung who still has 4 years left till his coming of age.

day3:

now, the third day was the most awful. they felt raw this day. but we’ll get to that. it has only been 2 days but the boys felt as though they had been friends for decades. or rather decade, none of them are twenty as of now.

jaemin and jeno went to the nearby convenience store to get breakfast for the boys. for the whole day they decided to just sit around and talk. and so they did. thats the reason why they felt raw.

mark sat without sharing anything. he was terrified. he was afraid that if anyone knew about it they would mock him and his innocent dream.

renjun began first. he talked about how he thinks that his dream is dumb. it has been 4 years since he came to korea and not once has he gotten an offer to further his art studies. whats the point he thought? anything he drew would never be approved as beautiful enough. and it sucks because when he showed his artwork, mark thought that it was a masterpiece. to him it doesnt matter how beautiful the piece was, it was the story behind it that counts. and that came mark’s first lesson, that nothing in life is ever fair.

jeno went on to talk about how he had no goal. nothing at all. for him, his dream is to live a life with no regrets. thats why he’s not pushing to do anything to stress himself out. he’s just gonna go with the flow. after graduating from his high school barely passing, he feels as though it doesnt matter. jeno believes that he’ll get somewhere one day. after all he’s still a teenager he’s got enough time to think about these things. but for now, he’ll just live in the moment. and that was mark’s second lesson, to live and let loose.

haechan was next. he had a dream to be a singer. and god that boy could sing. but for haechan he felt insecure. no matter how many people came up to him to tell him he was talented, he just cant accept that. that’s probably why he hides it with all the snarky remarks and the over the top compliments for himself. he never felt that he was good enough. but mark feels bad because haechan doesnt deserve to feel that way. haechan was full of love and he couldnt understand why he couldnt give himself any. this made him learn his third lesson, that only you can bring happiness to yourself.

and then there’s jaemin. mark cant help but feel sympathetic for him. jaemin was a dancer, a really good one (from the videos jaemin showed). but the thing is he cant dance anymore. at all. he got into an accident and now he isnt allowed to dance anymore. but the weird thing is that it didnt stop him from being content with life. for he feels that everything happens for a reason. and mark looks up to jaemin because he never fails to put on a smile knowing that his dream of being a dancer is near impossible for him to achieve. that’s how mark learnt to smile even if failure comes.

well for chenle, he had already achieved his dream. well partially. he is currently a trainee singer at a well known agency in korea. as a child, chenle was a music prodigy in china. he went on talent shows and clinched first place in almost every one of them. it was as if chenle’s future had already been written for him to be a singer. but he never used his past to get a boost for an opportunity in the industry. he worked incredibly hard to get into the agency and never once did he take his place for granted. mark learnt from him that its important to stay humble.

and lastly, jisung, the dancing king. mark was amazed by how insanely talented this boy was. it was no wonder he became a famous child dancer, known all over korea. anywhere jisung went people would recognise him and mob him for his autograph or a picture. but as mark sees how jisung acts when he’s with those his age, he realises that jisung is in fact just a kid and he’s just trying to enjoy life as normal teenager. its a pity for jisung because he devoted his whole youth to dancing, and now even when he looks back, his childhood was all just a blur. he complains that if there was one regret he had, it was not living each day to its fullest. that was mark’s last lesson. to seize every moment.

by the end of it all, they were all starting to doze off. and before they knew it , they fell asleep. except mark because he cant help but wonder what will happen to these boys once they part. and in that same moment he thinks, thank god i met these people.

day4:

the next day they woke up in the late afternoon. all of them felt exhausted after spilling almost everything about themselves.

the moment mark woke up he felt awful. there were only two days left till he becomes an adult and that thought scared him to his wits. he began sobbing softly and the boys came running to him. mark explained.

mark was afraid of having a future at all. everytime he tried, he failed. mark wanted to be a rapper. wanted. because there were so many competitions that he attended and he failed. so many people told him that he’ll fail because as a rapper, there’s no future for him.

mark shared that his parents were supportive of him so that wasnt a problem. but you see he didnt want to burden his parents. he knew if he pursued this dream it would take a lot of money and none would be gained back. now mark’s left, all goal-less because he knows if he tried, he’ll fail for sure.

so that’s how mark ended up here in seoul. because he needed a breather. his parents advised that if he doesnt know what to do he should just enter college. thats a sure success because a degree can get you any job you need. but mark was sure it wont bring him happiness because he knows that he doesnt want to go to university, it’s just not him. mark felt empty as though no one understood him, until now of course.

as the 7 dreamers sat under the night sky they thought to themselves. the adults always say you need to plan for your future, you need to know what you want to do. but they never help you. they’d just leave you to figure things out by yourself.

the adults never tell us how hard the process of growing up is. they never prepare us for it. its like going into a battlefield without weapons. no matter how loud you shout or plead for them to aid you. its useless because now they’ll pull out the “it’s your life. it’s your decision” card. but if you fail, its all on you. and if you succeed then suddenly, the family’s the one who paid for the fees and give you moral support and all that jazz.

so that made them awfully afraid because they knew that one day they’ll be doing something and that they’ll get somewhere. but what if they arent happy? what if they’re miserable?

day5:

it was the last day. the 7 of them drove back. the whole drive home was silent. they knew that it’ll be the last time they would see each other. mark will be leaving. he didnt intend to grow so close with the boys but he did and now he hates it. his heart is heavy to leave them but he has to. he understands that people come and go. thats just the cycle. unknown to mark, this is part of growing up. he has to accept that, nothing in life is constant, no matter how hard it is.

as they reached the same coffee house, you could see how all their eyes turned crystal. but their egos are high, so fret not cause they’ll not cry. except renjun and haechan, they cried. hard.

all mark did was put a smile on his face and he said “yo dream. promise me you’ll remember me, alright. we’ll see each other soon.”

and with that he left. and never turned back. because he knew if he did, he wont be able to say goodbye.

day6 (the day mark turned 20) :

now, mark’s 20.

at 20, mark’s still unsure of his future. but he knows that all he wants for now, is to be happy.

-Z