#but it is deeply personal
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i was sent to boarding school at six years old.
i lived in an old victorian manor house on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere. there were teachers and house mistresses, but mostly there were other children. i saw my family very little, and even when i did see them, they were strangers who knew practically nothing about me. they might as well not have existed.
aside from my school lessons, i learned everything from these other, isolated children. what was good and bad, cool and uncool, what was important and what was a supposedly proportional response to any of these ideas being challenged. it was, as you'd expect, a feral little echo chamber.
and amongst it all were the expectations (academic, mostly). we were special, we were better than other children that we nebulously understood went to school elsewhere and lived differently somehow (i didn't meet any non boarding school kids until I was 12 or 13, and then only saw them in the summer).
when expectations are put on you like that, when you're so steeped in then that you know nothing else, you convince yourself that they happen to align with your own desires. they push you, but you push yourself harder. later, as an adult, you'll look back and wonder why you threw yourself so rabidly into something you never really wanted. when you're in it, you can't think of doing anything else, because you learn all your shame there, too.
so there you are, a cohort of young people who fiercely believe that you are independently chasing something that matters more than anything else in the world. and when adults look at you pityingly and dare to suggest you are being fed into a big, pointless machine that will chew you up and spit you out into adulthood with nothing to show for it, you get angry. because they don't understand, they couldn't possibly understand. you throw yourself willingly into the machine. it chews you up like meat (the adults were right all along, of course).
and that's why I'm so emotional about the fourth house, because tamsyn muir fucking nailed boarding school trauma.
#the locked tomb#I've been sitting on writing this post for ages#idk it might not be interesting in general#but it is deeply personal#I've seen people talk about so many things muir has understood and devastated them with#but I haven't seen anyone talk about this#I guess it's not the most common of experiences? tho by no means unique#but god the fourth house end me#I just. see myself there a lot#I don't like it but i do#no I'm not in therapy thank you for asking but not for want of trying
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.
#sorry im bored of the same tags on this lmao#sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul#and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd.#i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist!#something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content#idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently#mine
65K notes
·
View notes
Text
💕Can you even CONCEIVE how much I suddenly love them???💕
I think they were strolling around town after having a drink together. And that ends in a little cuddle!😂💕💕💕
Dialogue from The Aristocats, of course.💗💗💗
#grey art#hazbin hotel comic#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin rosie#radiorose#queer platonic relationship#qpr positivity#Rosie is the only person I think Al would be this cuddly with#wait Mimsy too! I just haven’t figured them out for myself yet!😂#Alastor is an eldritch horror in the body of a gentleman#he has all the riz in the universe!#and I’m falling so deeply in love with Rosie!#she’s so beautiful!
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
Hear me out, Michael would think Roxy is SICK AF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#fnaf roxy#roxanne wolf#security breach#fnaf fanart#Guys just walk with me for a moment#MICHAEL would think Roxy is super cool#he’s a foxy liker after all so natural evolution is Roxy#BUT Roxy is an 80s rocker who drives race cars and wears sunglasses etc#it’s like right up Michael’s alley#on top of all that her personality#she’s mean a bully even but is deeply insecure#not only that but she’s actually lowkey very sweet and cares about folks#like Michael would relate to her#It’s not even he finds her attractive or anything like that it’s purely she’s badass and related to her#Michael and Cassie number 1 Roxy fans out here#Also Vanessa might not be as much of a fan#but its because she works with them all the time BAHA#THE Glamrocks are canon divas#the 80s punk kid in Michael just took hold Roxy is simply cool to em
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
what makes us any different?
#my art#alien stage#alien stage spoilers#i finally scratched the itch in my brain just a lil#anyways i am fondly thinking abt comic of ivan antagonizing sua and respectfully sir ur a clown (me saying this while crying)#tfw ur both dead eyed dark haired high achievers who love deeply and would risk it all for ur person#i love that they r so similar in the lengths they'll go to but they're also like ewwww at each other#ivan and sua alien stage u'll always be famous to me
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
getting used to & comfortable with your own bare chest as a neutral & not inherently gendered thing over the course of an evening alone and then having to go out in public again the next day & feel weird about it again like prometheus and his liver except every day you're forced to regrow an awareness of society gendering anatomy
#deeply annoying to be able to personally easily read breasts as a masculine feature but also being deeply aware most people can/will not#thoughts
24K notes
·
View notes
Text
Canon marcille: I want all human races to live at the same rate so that we'll all be on equal footing and noone has to be oppressed because of their race ever again. And so that I may never revive the trauma of losing my loved ones while I'm still at the dawn of my life. Even if it risk dooming the whole earth, my desire to grow old with the people I love in a world that treat them fairly is stronger than reason.
Fanon marcille: fuck everyone I just want my gf back
#in before “fanon marcille is based actually”#farcille is growing on me#their fanbase doesn't#marcille love falin deeply#but she isn't the only person she care about#marcille is so full of love for everyone around her#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#dungeon lord marcille#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#dunmesh spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Polle Says
"The Captain always goes down with his ship!"
#Mouthwashing#Mouthwashing Game#Polle Mouthwashing#Polle#Pony Express#my art#when I say a game has never spoken to me so deeply personally#about the negligence of a figure in charge#and the harm they've inadvertendly caused by not taking responsibility for the actions of someone#who has been allowed to cause massive harm because of it#and the ultimate horror of a company that never cared and never will#anyway. Still not over Mouthwashing.
869 notes
·
View notes
Text
─── 飛雄 HE LIKES TO HOLD YOU, sling his arms around your shoulders, press his knee to your knee, crowd into your personal space; he likes to nose into the hollow of your neck, the warm, soft spot behind your ear, even if it makes you squirm away from him, he'd just pull you back and grumble at you to stay still, to stay close.
because he'd always want you close, wouldn't he? always want you within arm's reach, because tobio is nothing if not needy, nothing if not persistent in his petulant want for closeness, for the satisfying friction of skin on skin, for the warm tingle of goosebumps that chase up the length of your arms whenever he presses his lips to your cheek, your neck, the bare skin of your shoulder.
and he'd drink in the way you laugh, the tiny puff of breath before your gasping inhale — his name falling from your lips like a wish or a prayer.
"t-tobio!"
"what?"
he revels in the flush working into your cheeks, his eyes half-lidded in the starveling dark of this izakaya the jva's booked out for the night, the two and a half beers he's had fizzling in his stomach just enough to make his body feel light, to tug at the dwindling edges of his self-restraint till it's fraying. he pulls you into his chest, biting down a smirk at the shiver that shakes down your entire body as you peer up at him with dark, curious eyes.
"people... people will see!"
tobio frowns in earnest then, cocking his head as he weighs the implications. he blinks down at you.
"so?"
but before you can protest again, he bends down to catch your lips in his, humming against your lips, satisfaction unfurling in his chest as he feels you go molten in his arms. he pulls back to trace a thumb along your bottom lip, a dull pounding at the back of his mind, telling him that maybe, just maybe it's time to beg off from this party. he shoves the nagging feeling away for the comfort of pressing his forehead to yours, tracing a finger along the plush of your cheek.
"'s not like people don't know you're mine."
#⛈ monsoon season#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu imagines#kageyama tobio imagines#hq!! x reader#haikyuu drabbles#hq fanfic#hq x reader#kageyama x reader#kageyama tobio#hq!! x you#kageyama tobio x reader#kageyama fluff#kageyama x you#x reader#this is deeply inspired by that one interview where furudate said#WITH HIS OWN MOUTH#that kageyama is A TOUCHY PERSON#ive never been the same person since that day i fear
875 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey pal did you just blow in from stupid town
#deeply obsessed with him#his swagless looks and cringefail personality have captivated me#scott summers#x men#medixnoche art
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
I am sick, dizzy, and can barely think but you know what would be WILD?
If the DC universe was an echo of Danny’s world. What if the continents of their planet shifted enough where Amity is now in New Jersey and had then become Gotham.
And when Danny died underneath the portal a part of his death fractured and imprinted itself into those various worlds. One of them being Gotham, where Danny’s home ironically used to be where Wayne Manor used to be.
So just imagine it, you’re coming back from patrol, grimy, sweaty, and with questionable intentions by dressing as an overgrown bat when suddenly the lights dim. It dims and brings darkness, only enough light to catch the beady marble eyes of the bats you fear.
And then electricity jumps in the middle of the room, flinging itself around like an agitated snake in wide open circles.
Everyone is backing away, some weary, some cursing, some just half way out of their own suit.
And then a child — barely as old as your youngest now, flickers to life before you, screaming and screaming, wailing in pain as the scent of burning flesh mingles into the air. You can see the boy, black hair and blue eyes that underneath the bright light that burns them is causing black to turn white, and blue to turn green.
The electricity crackles and when the boy is about the drop, limp, certainly lifeless, he vanishes as if nothing had ever been there.
But he comes back, he always comes back, in the moment of calm and in the moment of despair, echoing that painful wailing of death.
It’s so wrong.
It’s very, very wrong.
It didn’t even matter anymore why the boy showed up, only that this moment of pain continues to haunt the cave of heroes.
Continuously haunting, even as some whispered apologizes when the boy appeared. Continuously haunting, even as some provided songs of comfort when the boy appeared. Continuously haunting, even as stories of Gotham are told and promises (though uncertain and flimsy at best) are spoken to the wailing boy who always drops fast and disappears just as quickly.
Always, it was the same.
Until one day it wasn’t.
The electricity crackled like it always did. A spark, and then a calamity of light. And the boy would be there, uncurling himself into a tense position as he would wail.
But not this time.
Instead the boy curled himself in the air, calm as can be, almost as if he were sleeping. Even the electricity that they have learned to dance away from was calm, gentle, like ocean waves.
And when the electricity vanished, the boy did not, instead dropping to the floor where Dick was quick to catch him, grunting in preparation of weight only to show alarm at how thin the boy truly was.
On that face that has haunted them all for months is just a boy, sleeping, and scarred. A boy breathing very slow, slower than what they would like, but here in the physical realm with them.
Dick brushed back bangs of black hair, and slowly, ever so slowly, glazed blue eyes stared back.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom#danny fenton#dp x dc crossover#batman#dp x dc prompt#the sickness demands sacrifice in way of writing#Danny’s death echoed across alternative universes#no Danny doesn’t exist in those worlds but he had POTENTIAL to exist#he just doesn’t#but now Danny does#in Gotham#and the batfam are ready to coddle him to no tomorrow#is this bad reveal or just Clockwork having not realized how deeply Danny’s death could affect the multiverse and time itself?#that is up to you dear reader#just know that this Danny isn’t going to be /Danny/#he may have his memories#but it’s like a far off dream#after all#can you be the person you once were yesterday#if everything has fallen apart?
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
"Astarion doesn't do big romantic gestures."
My Durge still trying to get graveyard dirt out of her ass crack after being lovingly pounded into it by Astarion who wanted to share with her this deeply joyful and meaningful reclamation of himself after sharing a vulnerable declaration of his love, at this place he hasn't shown anyone else but her: "Then what the actual fuck was that???"
#people get too hung up on the flowers thing and don't actually appreciate how deeply romantic that bastard mosquito is#he's a very private person and unlearning to perform so he isn't waxing poetic about you all the time#But like the whole “you'll flit back into my heart” bit if durge loses is some of the most romantic dialogue in the entire game#even lae'zel is complaining about your constant pda#And this isn't stealing a trait from Wyll#Astarion and Wyll are both romantic they just are in different ways#they are going to do things that fit their own personalities#wyll is going to take you to a grand ball and treat you like royalty the entire time while dancing the night away#astarion is going to take you to that same ball so you can both scam/pickpocket the nobles and have a risky public quickie in the gardens#bg3#astarion#durge#bg3 astarion#bg3 spoilers#astarion x durge#astarion romance
963 notes
·
View notes
Text
web weave of processing heartbreak
#all of these I feel so fuckimg deeply#my personal favourites#words better than my own to describe how I’ve been feeling#breakup#t4t yearning#yearning#heartbreak#web weave#web weaving#webweaving#grief journey#mlm#mlnb#heartache
720 notes
·
View notes
Text
This is for a very niche group of people
#creepypasta#sweetart#creepypasta fanart#creepypasta art#nina the killer#nina the killer fanart#nina hopkins#kate the chaser art#kate milens#kate the chaser#creepypasta clockwork#clockwork fanart#clockwork#clockwork creepypasta#natalie ouellette#natalie oullette#total drama#total drama island#total drama is one of my deeply personal childhood interests .
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
love kevin's 'when you know what someone wants, it's easy to manipulate them.' he's such a fuxking cunt. mansplainer...manipulater... manwhore of the century truly
#i would argue he used this silly little tactic against jean moreau when he wanted to leave the nest#but i dont think jean needed to be manipulated to do anything at all ever for kevin#he would do it regardless#kevin did you know jean moreau's the first person to love you truly madly deeply and sincerely#aftg#kevin day
657 notes
·
View notes