#inextricably linked to each other in ways that deeply fuck each other up yes

[otaku553]

Cooking up something reaaaalllyyy silly right now

Uhhhh cookie run kingdom tgcf au with pure vanilla as xie lian and shadow milk as jun wu. Do you see the vision

[debbiewilder]

“Well, maybe that’s who you are now. Love does that...It changes us.” -TVD (yup I’m opening this with a TVD quote!)

In any good love story, characters don’t just do things in the name of love—they don’t just stand outside a house with a boombox or run to find the person they love on new year’s eve or risk their lives to save that person. They don't just perform actions to prove how they feel. These characters also transform as people because of their encounters with love. Because when someone affects you deeply, you change.

And, this is true for GLOW’s main love story.

To recognize what this change is and what it means, let’s go back to the beginning. Also, I’ll mainly be talking about Debbie, but I’ll also get into Ruth a bit too.

It’s clear in that locker room scene in 1x01 that Debbie despises a lot about Ruth before she ever finds out what Ruth did. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I think, in retrospect, it’s because Ruth sees endless possibilities for herself while Debbie only saw limits and housewifery and an existence for men. And, Ruth is right in front of her, consistently choosing herself and work and not even dating a man let alone trying to become exactly what that man wants.

Debbie thought that being Mark’s housewife was the best she could do with her life, the most she could accomplish. Even if it left her bitter and angry and she took it out on Ruth and Mark (I mean, it’s pretty bad that she didn’t even notice that she didn't touch her husband in over a month, let alone when that occurred during their marriage). But she still believed that life was the best she could hope for.

She thought, on the other hand, Ruth was overly idealistic and kind of ridiculous. I mean in 1x01 as Ruth talks about how she doesn’t have enough money to survive, this is Debbie’s reaction--

That’s so colddd!! But, she hates hearing about Ruth’s struggles. Because they’re Ruth’s own. In Debbie’s life in 1x01, absolutely nothing is her own. Nothing. She’s like, quit complaining about how you can't afford anything because you’re not landing a gig, Ruth, I had a gig once, my husband said it was silly and to stop having those. So I listened, it’s so great, I love my life. So, go find the first guy who wants you and marry him like I did, give up on everything, that’s all that life can offer you. Also, what do you mean you’re proud of your body, you should be ashamed and punish it! And, I mean…you have a lifelong dream to be an actress? No, no. Stop that, Ruth. Stop having dreams. Don’t want things, don’t struggle. Just take what’s handed to you and resent it like meee! It’s working out so great!

Debbie grows a lot. 

By the end of season 3, it’s clear that Ruth is the one who's actually been right all along, not Debbie. At least in part.

By then, Debbie consistently chooses herself, just like Ruth always has. 

She chooses work, just like Ruth always has. 

Debbie sees her body and mind as something more than just what men find it useful for, she’s not letting anyone else control or define those things, just like Ruth always has.

In fact, Debbie kind of does her own version of reading the role meant for a man (what Ruth did in 1x01) when she takes Tex’s network for herself in 3x10. The network wasn’t meant for her, her input was totally disregarded, but she took that network anyway. (The difference is that the network was actually possible for Debbie, so this push was healthy, and Ruth’s actions in 1x01 were more self destructive…I’ll get into Ruth later.)

Debbie does things with her love for Ruth, yes—she runs across the airport and sits across a pool and wrestles Ruth and brings clothes in apology and follows her until they’re lost on a mountain, the list goes on and on.

But, more than that, she also transforms as a person because of her love for Ruth.

Of course, then the question becomes, how can you be sure that this growth is at least in part due to Ruth rather than incidental, just randomly occurring while Ruth is nearby? 

In 1x01 at that aerobics class, you see Debbie looking like she’s in a “coma” and dead to the world just following everyone else’s moves until Ruth comes by, then she stops following everyone else—it’s the first time we see her using her body for herself. It’s because of Ruth.

At the end of the episode, she goes further. she fights Ruth publicly—Ruth’s the one who’s already made the stage her own. Now, Debbie joins her there and ups the stakes by bringing a dose of reality. And, at this point, they present their potential arcs and what they bring to each other—Ruth demands a moment of fiction, an idealistic show where she’s a hero of sorts and Debbie shoves in with reality and together the scene is way better than Ruth had planned, probably more cathartic than Debbie had planned, because Debbie and Ruth make each other better than they are on their own. For the first time maybe ever, in that scene, Debbie’s body is hers, no one else’s. It is there to express her needs and wants. And, it’s because of Ruth.

In the end of season 1, after constructing Liberty Belle and this bold version of herself that makes her feel so powerful (in part because Ruth is the other side of that, she leads the audience to applaud for Debbie, they construct the moves together), she can’t go back to that small version of herself, can’t go back to Mark and chooses Ruth very clearly over her old life. We don’t really know if Debbie planned that she was going to actually go up there in 1x10, or if she was dressed in case she decided to and was unsure and decides in that moment because Mark is such an ass and Ruth is right there calling to her. To be honest, it doesn't really matter. Ruth is calling out for Debbie, the show will move on if Debbie doesn’t pick Ruth. She has to choose between the man who calls what makes her feel strong “silly” or the woman who believes in her. She chooses Ruth. Regardless of when she decided, in choosing Ruth, she chooses her own body and her own mind (they’re her moves) and herself. Also, Debbie’s empowerment with wrestling is so tied to Ruth since she’s on the wrestling show because of Ruth and she only starts to find empowerment when wrestling Ruth. Everyone else proves to be a horrible partner for her in 1x06. Debbie’s growth is inextricably linked to Ruth. 

She chooses to be a producer because she sees how the girls are following Ruth as a director in 2x01, and she refuses to be bested by Ruth. If Ruth strives for more, so can she. It’s because of Ruth.

Oh, and when Debbie falls apart because Mark is moving on, because she realizes that comfortable life really is dead for her, she is seemingly only able to move on and quit self destructing after she has a huge fight with Ruth in 2x07. That is the thing that makes her realize how far gone she is. Not sleeping on the fucking ground. Not selling all her shit. Not doing drugs. Not really even breaking Ruth’s leg (she comes into that hospital still proud and blaming Ruth). Nope. It’s the thought that she might lose Ruth because of her own shitty actions that leads her to come back with those clothes and approach Ruth with actual humility. She was off the deep end in 2x04-2x06. It is through loving Ruth that she finds a way back. It’s because of Ruth that she can let go of Mark and that life that wasn’t actually meant for Debbie. And, just like Ruth can't face reality and can't actually apologize for having sex with Mark (she never says sorry), Debbie can’t verbalize an apology for breaking Ruth’s leg either. They still can’t face reality, they’re both very similar in ways. But, Debbie’s now one step closer. She writes it on Ruth’s cast. Debbie’s shame, her horrible action, is there for Ruth to see in sharpie for as long as Ruth wears that cast. And, others will see it too. Including Debbie. 

I’m sure there are other examples, but I think it’s clear that Debbie grows and transforms, at least in part, because of her love for Ruth. And, I think that’s an even bigger testament to how deeply she feels rather than any individual action she might take.

By the end of season 3, even after Debbie’s grown so very much, Debbie is still much more realistic than Ruth. She says, “I want my life to get bigger, not smaller…And, I don’t care about playing all of the great roles. I mean, it’s not realistic.” Debbie doesn’t care about acting in the same way Ruth does. She never has. That’s very clear throughout the series. So, performing in a tiny theater is living “smaller” to Debbie while Ruth says she views playing those roles alongside Debbie anywhere as living out her dreams (even though Ruth totally self destructs when given the opportunity to act a “real” role with Sheila that same episode—first by saying the scene doesn't translate to two women, then when she doesn't show up to the performance the next episode). 

Ruth clearly still needs to grow. A lot. She needs to add a bit of realism, she’s so resentful that she’s running in circles in season 3 and frustrated that others are growing and getting good things when she’s not. She’s stuck watching herself stay the same in the mirror while others grow and actually do things. Debbie’s been underlining to Ruth (and to herself—but that bit she’s starting to let go of in a healthy way) that Ruth just needs to let go a little bit of her idealism and see what’s in front of her. She doesn’t always say that in a nice way, and Debbie still has some growing to do. But Ruth has barely changed. In three seasons. As protagonist. She is still so idealistic, so bent on becoming a “real actress,” that she self destructs when offered any real opportunity to act. That happens in her very first scene of the series. And, it happens in 3x09 too.

And, it’s not necessarily that she needs to choose directing over acting, I really don't think it’s that. I think it’s how she approaches these things that needs to change. 

It’s how she uses fiction to compensate for how she approaches her life, her relationships—which are so filled with passivity, passive aggression, where she just lets herself to be guided in ways that leave her resentful and lead her to act out in awful ways. (But it’s okay because she gets to play roles that make her feel powerful…nope).  She can’t act in life, so she relies on acting in fiction. 

Having sex with Mark wasn’t some accident, it was a symptom of how unhealthy Ruth was and is in her daily life and how much she relies on fiction in a way she shouldn’t. Right before they sleep together in 1x01, Mark repeats what Ruth said to him before 1x01: “There are shiny people that have everything, and then there are people like us…” Ruth uses fiction to pretend she’s a shiny person. She needs to see that no one’s actually a shiny person (The person she was talking about when she said that to Mark was clearly Debbie, and Debbie’s never been shiny, she’s always been a self-destructive, self-hating mess). Ruth doesn’t have to compensate for anything. She’s okay as she is. She just needs to see that and go after things with that in mind. 

Even in Season 3, while looking at Debbie’s horse, Ruth says Debbie’s life has always moved faster. (I think it’s also interesting she’s on a horse, galloping around, while Ruth is standing still, watching…because, layers...) But, I mean...is that even true? Sure, Debbie got Paradise Cove and a husband, but those weren’t even things that Ruth wants. I mean, can you imagine Ruth on a soap opera? Nope. Recently, Debbie’s life has only moved faster because Debbie made that happen because she literally had nothing left to lose and also in part because of Ruth. (Ruth doesn’t seem to see her own influence on Debbie though, just believes Debbie has some magical quality Ruth lacks.) Ruth, on the other hand, is at a standstill because she refuses to accept what’s in front of her, refuses to make her life go anywhere. She resents Debbie for being a “shiny person” but refuses to do anything to better her own life. It’s just a lot easier to believe Debbie has something innate that Ruth lacks, some shininess, and that’s why Debbie’s life improves. It’s a lot harder to accept that the problem is Ruth. And, it is on Ruth. I think it becomes even harder to believe her own lies though when she sees just about everyone becoming better versions of themselves in Season 3. If Ruth’s excuse for Debbie’s growth is that she’s shiny and her life just moves faster, that excuse kind of falls apart when confronted with Sheila’s growth and the growth of so many others on GLOW like Justine, Sam, Arthie, etc.

When they switch wrestling costumes in mid season 3, it highlights all of this. They’re trying on each other’s point of views to achieve real growth and meet in a healthier place the middle. I’d be surprised if Ruth’s transformation and realization that she needs a dash of reality to be healthy won't be at least in part because of Debbie. And, it’d be a missed opportunity if that wasn’t the case anyway. Because Ruth and Debbie both have had trouble seeing the real possibilities in their lives and basically have been blind from reality in opposite ways. They balance each other out. Debbie couldn’t achieve her full, healthier self without Ruth, I doubt Ruth could without Debbie.