#but in spirit i want everyone to know that this thought came from a conversation with her a while ago

[commsroom]

mission launch for minkowski's crew was in march 2013. ostensibly, they were put through some mission training, though the extent and effectiveness of that is kinda dubious. pagliacci takes place in 2013, exact date unspecified. but it has to be early. let's say... mid-january.

eiffel thought he had ruined the rest of his life before he'd even turned thirty. he probably spent his thirtieth birthday in jail. and then... for some number of days, weeks, maybe even a couple of months, he exists in this state of, well. of limbo. cutter gets him released from prison, and flies him out to canaveral. he doesn't speak to his family, obviously. they don't want to hear from him, and don't even know. he's still a prisoner, but no one around him knows that, either. at some point in this time frame, goddard first exposes him to decima, before hilbert even knows who he is. and he lives wherever goddard is accommodating him, and he has to go about his day-to-day life in this transitory state between a 26-year sentence he'd just started really grappling with, and the very immediate reality he's now about to be sent into deep space instead.

they give him a certain amount of freedom; it's not like he can go anywhere. he doesn't do much, anyway, is not feeling appreciative for his momentary second chance at life, given the circumstances. he blows off most of his mission training, and they're surprisingly lax about that, which in retrospect probably should have been a sign. he sits around and smokes, mostly. gets takeout food. but he goes to see movies, as much as he can. as much as he wants to punish himself, he needs to do something, or he'll go crazy, and it's not like he'll get a chance to see a movie in a long time. he was already resigning himself to maybe never going to a movie theater again.

the film adaptation of les misérables was released in december 2012. it's entirely feasible it could've been one of the movies he saw in this time period. i think the idea adds some resonance to his shared reference with minkowski in the finale, at least, in the way it pulls things full circle. intentionally or otherwise. and, incidentally, the 2012 film adaptation of les misérables, a story that notably features an ex-convict protagonist seeking redemption, was released on december 25th. call that serendipity.

[kotoku]

Hello, can I request Aven, Ratio and Sunday with an s/o who's like Komi from “Komi can’t communicate?” Basically, their s/o is socially anxious and finds it incredibly hard to talk but is expressive in emotions and usually communicates through writing on paper.

Also if its not too much, could you write a lil scenario in how they would react when someone says something rude about s/o’s social anxiety?

ꜱᴜɴᴅᴀʏ, ᴀᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀɪɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅʀ ʀᴀᴛɪᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴋᴏᴍɪ! ꜱ/ᴏ

pairings - sunday x komi! reader / aventurine x komi! reader / dr ratio x komi! reader

content - reader is gender-neutral/ komi! reader/ pre and established relationships/ reader getting shit-talked by people/ socially anxious! reader

warnings - swearing lol

⋘ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ... ⋙

↻ Sunday would be a wonderful partner to have, he’s very understanding of your struggles communicating with others and participating in activities with your peers

↻ He’s super encouraging and supportive, giving you a small push when it comes to interacting with people (besides him, his sister was the first person you successfully managed to hold a conversation with lol)

↻ At first glance, Sunday found your appearance attractive, the air around you held that sense of authority and grace, enamoring everyone within your reach

↻ However, when he introduced himself to you, you could only stare at him blankly which made him a little concerned… 

↺ Were you deaf? Mute? He really did try his best at getting a word out of you but you could only stutter in response, quickly leaving him due to your embarrassment

↺ Gradually, he began to understand what you would try to say by your body cues and expressions

↻ Sunday ended up gifting you, soon after your first meeting, your own personal notebook to write in that way you could communicate your thoughts easily 

↺ You were overjoyed, chatting non-stop with him throughout the day

↻ Unbeknownst to the both of you, it seemed you had quite the reputation with the way people would gawk and stare at you like you were some sort of goddess 

↺ Sunday could understand them, you were not only attractive, but smart and kind, offering your help to those who need it despite being afraid of approaching others (it just came to you naturally)

↻ Sunday finds the sounds you make cute, especially when you’re embarrassed or flustered, he can’t help but tease you when he can

↺ He also finds the way you express yourself very endearing, reminding him of a kitten

↻ You love petting his wings and taking care of them, it's one of your favorite things to do to help calm yourself down

↻ If someone pokes fun or insults you for being socially anxious, he’d be ready to rain hell on them (you’re trying your best and that’s all that matters !!)

↺ Those kind of encounters would bring your spirits down, but eventually, you’d gather up the courage to keep trying thanks to the support of Sunday and the few friends you made

-----

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to speak up for yourself. Just say something.” 

You had thought you were beginning to make a new friend, but noticing the way they treated you… You knew you didn’t want to be around them any longer. 

You nervously fidgeted in your seat, staring down at the half eaten sundae in front of you. The sudden announcement had spoiled your mood and appetite, feeling too uncomfortable to even eat near someone like them. You just wanted to escape the situation now before it becomes too tense.

Your ‘friend’ was about to continue what they were saying, but was interrupted by a stern voice.

“It’s harder for some people to voice their thoughts, it doesn’t always come naturally to them.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, it was Sunday. Turning to face him with a relieved expression, he understood your silent appreciation for his interjection.

“People work at their own pace, don’t try to rush them into doing something they aren’t comfortable with.” Sunday’s eyes narrowed at them, your ‘friend’ at a loss for words. “Come now, _____, a new place has opened up and I’d like to take you there.” 

Sunday had offered you his hand to help pull you up which you gratefully accepted, leaving the half eaten sundae with your friend. It was now something they would have to deal with, whether they liked it or not. 

-----

↻ Speaking of friends, if you had a goal to reach a certain number of friends, he’d happily help you and introduce you to some of his closest friends

↺ The astral express would be super welcoming and friendly to you; I can imagine you spending time with them on the express while silently chatting with Pom Pom (the crew wonders how they can understand you, but are happy you are enjoying yourself)

↻ Sunday would love spending time with you, bringing you to different events or to an amusement park that way you could experience the thrill of the rides

↺ He knows that if you’re lost, you start to panic, so he tries his best to never lose sight of you in crowded situations

↺ If you do end up losing him, he’ll have a family member escort you to where he; if he’s busy, he’ll have a family member accompany you whenever you go out if you aren’t comfortable doing so alone

↻ All in all, Sunday is your biggest supporter and wants you to be comfortable !

↻  Aventurine thinks you’re very interesting and fun to tease

↻  Although you normally intimidated people by accident at first glance, he wasn’t thrown off by your blank stare or silence

↻  At first he was just messing around with you, he never would’ve thought that he would be in a relationship with you but he’s quite happy nonetheless

↻  If you know the dynamic between Komi’s parents, I feel like that would apply to both you and Aventurine

↺ He’s the talker of the both of you (of course) and is much more energetic compared to you who silently gazes at people and can only manage a couple sentences

“They asked for no pickles.”

“Thank you..Aven.

↺ Aventurine definitely speaks up for you in tense situations (like when your order is wrong but you don’t want to say anything)

↻ Aventurine doesn’t mind your shyness and is willing to help you develop social skills

↺ He introduces you to Topaz and Ratio, who both get along with you just fine

(you were intimidated by Ratio, but you slowly warmed up to him and enjoy his lectures)

↻ He finds your quirks cute, purposely teasing you so he could get a reaction

↺ Aventurine is pretty observant, so he was able to pick up on the small habits you have fairly quickly

↻ I feel like you wouldn’t need to communicate your thoughts with him as much because he knows how to read you like a book, but he’d end up giving you a small notepad anyways

↻ Aventurine would definitely shower you with gifts and bring you to his favorite spots, hoping to slowly inch you out of your shell (it works a bit)

↻ Like Sunday, Aventurine would notice your popularity (you’re completely unaware) and keep a keen eye on your surroundings, especially if you visit the casino he frequents

↺ He keeps you close to him so people don’t try anything funny with you

↻ If someone were to insult or poke fun at your social anxiety, he’d be really irked and would show it passive aggressively, making sure to not confront them in front of you because he knows you would heavily discourage him

-----

“Ugh, they’re so silent it’s creepy… Why don’t they say anything?” 

Aventurine’s ears perked up, listening in on a conversation two workers were having as you walked beside him down the hallway.

“I know. What does Aventurine even see in them?” 

They continued their conversation through hushed whispers and secretive glances. Yet Aventurine was able to hear every last comment and insult thrown at you. It made his frown deepen and brows furrow, but he knows if he did anything now you’d stop him. He’ll have to deal with the two of them later. 

-----

The next day, Aventurine was back at the casino with you by his side. As expected, he had a bountiful amount of chips on his side, proof of his winning streak. 

A new game was about to begin, and as he peered up through his rose-tinted glasses to gauge the participating opponents, he saw two familiar faces. The workers from yesterday, how fortunate for him. 

Throughout the game, a new, tense air had surrounded Aventurine, something you picked up on. He was much more competitive than before, losing his aloof demeanor and focusing on the game at hand. Was there something wrong?

Before you knew it, the game was over. Aventurine had come out victorious, watching his opponents’ faces drop at the huge sum of money they lost with a sly smirk. 

He was satisfied, for now.

-----

↻ If you end up getting lost somewhere, Aventurine would be your first contact and he’d drop everything to help you (The next people for you to contact would be Topaz and Ratio)

↻ Sometimes I think Aventurine would overwhelm you with his antics, especially with his “all or nothing” mindset (your poor heart)

↺ Aventurine would eventually cave in due to your huffs and frowns because he finds you too cute

↻ He’s happy to have you and will always be by your side when you need him (you’re his first priority)

↻ Goodness, poor you would be pretty intimidated by him and his strict nature at first meeting

↺ Ratio would have to be the one to approach you first since you’re too scared to even utter a word to him

↻ I don’t think Ratio would fully understand your anxieties, as he personally never dealt with it

↺ However, he would slowly start to understand and even try asking you questions in which you can provide him a simple answer (usually yes or no questions)

↻ He begrudgingly helps you socialize with people, even though he hates to interact with idiots himself

↺ I can imagine him giving you lecture about human behavior and social relationships, which you listen to attentively but also blankly stare at him (he shakes his head at this but continues anyways)

↺ His lectures actually end up helping you understand people though, and his lessons about social skills has helped you with introducing yourself to new people 

↺ He forces Aventurine to help him with your social skills since he’s pretty upbeat and friendly 

↻ If you’ve made some improvements with social interactions, Ratio would feel pretty satisfied and happy that he helped you (he’d never tell you directly but he’d give you rewards)

↻ Being Ratio’s significant other would be interesting

↻ By this point, he probably has all your little quirks and habits memorized, knowing what may be troubling you or what caught your interest

↺ He finds your habits and actions quite endearing, it brings a soft smile to his usually stoic face

↻ Ratio likes expressing his affection for you with gifts he finds useful and interesting, recounting the history behind the item or how it was manufactured (you enjoy listening to his rambles and he’s happy that he can tell you these findings)

↻ If someone were to make a snide comment about your social anxiety, he would have zero hesitation is giving them a lecture or throwing a chalk their way

↺ He’d probably make them cry or shit themselves

-----

“THE Veritas Ratio is dating someone? Who??”

“Just some freak. Seriously, I heard they never speak and all they do is just stare at you.”

“Wow… That’s pretty creepy.”

“Exac–” 

“Excuse me.”

The two girls who were just gossiping about you jumped, smiling nervously at the source of the intrusion.

“Ah, Doctor Ratio! Fancy seeing you here…” 

“I work here.” Ratio deadpanned, eyes glaring down at the two. “I couldn’t help but notice that the topic of your conversation pertained to me and my partner. I suggest that you keep your noses out of our business and quit these idiotic assumptions.” 

“I- We were just–” 

“Stop your incessant ramblings. If I hear another word about anything regarding my personal life, I will be sure to have you both taken care of. Understood?” His authoritative tone made the two girls quiver in their spot, nodding their heads frantically. 

Ratio turned to leave, making his way back to you who was sitting on a nearby bench staring at the ground. At the sound of his footsteps, you looked back up at him, getting up from your seat.

“Are you..ready to go, Veri?”

“Yes, let’s go, My Love.”

-----

↻ Ratio is pretty protective of you, especially since he’s aware of the attention you garner (your hands are also interlocked so you don’t get swept away from him)

↺ If you get lost, you both would identify a landmark to meet by so you don’t bump into as many people

↻ To make communication easier for the both of you, he bought you a notebook to write down your thoughts in so you could show it to him whenever you wanted (he’ll make sure that it’s always on hand for your peace of mind)

↻ Ratio is a proud significant other, he admires your motivation to learn and improve on your social skills

⋘ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! ⋙

note - i love komi can't communicate, it's such a cute anime series and i can't wait to watch season 3 if it comes out. :)

[s-che]

a game where we hurt each other

Last month, I played perhaps the most intense TTRPG session of my life as part of the Dream Library’s discussion of Bluebeard’s Bride, a game of “feminist horror” (more on this later) published by Magpie in a gorgeous print edition. Over the course of the month of October my guest lecturer/collaborator @marvelousmsmolly I collectively hosted three sessions of what was by far the most challenging game the Dream Library has ever discussed. 

We came to Bluebeard as the second part of our fall semester covering games of intimacy and monstrosity — a unit which began in September with Avery Alder’s Monsterhearts 2 and is continuing this month with Vampire: The Masquerade (If you want to get in on the VTM discussion and future semesters, please, come join). Both Molly and I suspected that Bluebeard was going to be both a quieter month and a riskier text — but opted to play through it anyway, albeit with some tools in place to make sure everyone knew what they were getting into with a book that doesn’t pull many punches. And with all that, the first two sessions went... fine? We had some lumpy pacing, some conflicting styles of play, some questions about how a game that really seems to encourage player bleed can possibly be played online, but for the most part things were fine. Not great, not bad — not worth the anxiety we’d had about them.

And “fine,” of course, doesn’t make for interesting conversations, so Molly and I took a step back. We talked about what was going wrong: a sense that neither of us quite felt comfortable hitting hard enough, even though we asked players ahead of time and at the start of sessions to tell us what was off the table. A frustration that player choice had trended towards the Bride as a detective/hero and not someone embodied in a world of horror. A confusion — once again — over what it means to “shiver with terror” in a discord call with some friends online. Out of that conversation came a new idea: rather than two more one-shots, Molly took some time to charge up a spirit bomb and put together some more formal prep, then recruited a group she felt could get together for a more curated experience. She wrote up her own excellent thoughts on what went down — along with a lot of session details — but you’ll have to join the Dream Library for that. 

The result of all that curation and preparation was that on October 23rd a group of four trans women — Molly, @jdragsky, our friend Mars, and I — sat down to play Bluebeard’s Bride knowing exactly what we were in for. We would be playing a transfem Bride, Bluebeard would be cis, and we would be hitting transfem-specific horror as hard as we possibly could. 

I’m going to quote from Molly’s reflection, where she wrote:

“Another really great aspect of running this game for this table is there was such a clear feeling that we all understood, wordlessly, what was going on... There are some moments in Allison Rumfitt’s gothic horror novel ‘Tell Me I’m Worthless’ where it felt like the author, a trans woman, was dropping phrases knowing exactly how her transfem audience would react... This had a twofold effect of both giving the players a chilling moment but also, a very brief but appropriate separation between fiction and player where could all grimace and be together in that discomfort before pushing on. People knew what I was doing. The problem with the original game is it doesn’t really want to discuss the politics of what “feminine horror” means. Because of this you’re really lacking some focus. I think a table of cis women could actually play bluebeard’s bride in the way we did last night and have it hit hard for them if they approached it correctly, I don’t think our experience was uniquely elevated by our trans reading, however that was one of several tools we used for that elevation.”

Setting aside the strengths and weaknesses of the original text, that sense of shared experience was key to our game and key to allowing us to hit — and get hit — really hard and trust that our coplayers were there with us. Compared to our earlier efforts (prioritizing safety by taking things off the table via lines/veils) tightening the topical scope from an ambiguous “feminist horror” to a specific transfeminist horror in the context of a chaser bf, in the context of an economic disparity, in the context of the medical pressures of transition in the contemporary U.K. allowed Molly, our lovely host, to hurt us knowing that we were all in it together and choosing to play this game. It transformed the horror from an obstacle in an adventure game into a thing we were seeking out: a pleasure/pain we asked to feel. 

In a games discourse that is — understandably — interested in protections which might be implemented anywhere, including at cons and home tables with much less of an art-and-politics interest, safety tools are often thought about as a negative thing, a preemptive cutting away of all the things which might end up hurting us. I think that’s part of why people can have a hard time filling out a lines/veils list in advance of a session. What are all the things in the world I’m sensitive to? What are all the contexts in which I’m sensitive to them? Good sensitive or bad sensitive? Sensitive enough to cause a scene? Sensitive enough to make it off the table? 

In place of that — and in a table with a really remarkable amount of trust — this final Bluebeard session leaned in, hard, to the things that hurt us. That was the game. Molly wrote a lot about kink in her reflection, and I think she was right to do that. The point of the game was to hurt each other and to feel, and it was a better game for keeping that in mind. It was an actual horror game, and not just a game with horror aesthetics. I agree with Molly that there was nothing essential about having an all-transfem table — I think what we did could be done by anyone, even with the base Bluebeard’s Bride. What was essential was having a table where we all trusted each other enough to play a hurting game and to know that we were there on purpose. It elevated Bluebeard’s Bride into a really fascinating, messy experience — one I can’t wait to play again.

[collapsedglasshouses]

HOTEL NEIGHBORS || Noah Sebastian x fem!Reader

PHOTO CREDIT: Bryan Kirks

SUMMARY: After you hear Noah talk about liking experienced women, you can't help but feel insecure about yourself. Noah wants nothing but to lift your spirits.

WARNINGS: SMUT, MDNI, friends to lovers, inexperienced reader, slight ? dom!noah i guess, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected p in v (dont do that), slight mutual pining?, not edited oopsie, ...

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6

A/N: This idea planted itself in my head last night and I don't even know what to say anymore. I’m more than stressed because of university, but I hope my creative spark is coming back rather sooner than later. Is anyone actually reading what I say here. If you're reading this say hi in the comments, ily. Please, enjoy and consider reblogging if you liked it.

You didn’t exactly know you had gotten into this situation but at this exact moment you were shifting in your place and wanted nothing more but to vanish into thin air.

You were currently sitting in a hotel lobby, exhausted and tired from the show the boys had played, and waited for Matt to hand you the keys to your hotel rooms. Somehow in the course of the last ten minutes, the conversation between the guys had turned. They were talking about previous relationships and the experience it came with since Folio had been freshly separated from his ex-girlfriend.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I just want someone with more experience, you know? I’m not saying I wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t have much experience but I just-… I don’t know. You know what I mean, Noah?” Folio rambled and looked at the man next to you in hopes to find confirmation.

“Yeah, I know. I prefer women with experience, too. I guess.” Noah just mindlessly mumbled while looking at his phone.

You knew for sure the boys didn’t say this in an ill intend but somehow this exchange began to bother you more than you wanted it to. In all honesty, it felt like a punch straight to your face. You felt stupid that this simple exclaim from Noah got to you, but you couldn’t really help it. It wasn’t like you never had sex. You had a boyfriend that you dated from high school to about two years ago, but when it came to your sex life it felt like you never really experienced anything. You knew almost everything that only concerned you, but when it came to another person being involved, your knowledge stopped. You knew what you liked and what you disliked. But that didn’t make the conversation you just witnessed any less hurtful.

You swallowed hard before standing up from your waiting seat in a rather fast manner.

“Imma head to the bathroom.” You mumbled so quietly you feared nobody would have heard you, before walking away. You didn’t see how Noah looked after you with a confused facial expression.

You slammed the door shut behind you and stared at your reflection in the fancy bathroom mirror. Your eyes were watery and you hated yourself for that. Especially Noah’s sentence echoed in your head and you hated that you had a weak spot for him. You hated that you got along with him too well for your liking. When the band hired you as an assistant for Matt about a year ago, you hadn’t planned that all of this would happen. You thought you were there for only one tour and now you were already on your third with the band. To your astonishment, you got along wonderfully with everyone, but you and Noah had a special bond. You didn’t know what it was exactly but somehow you repeatedly found yourself in deep conversations about literally everything with him. It took you well over six months to realize that you didn’t just simply like him as a friend, but you were starting to fall for him.

Right now, you hated yourself that you never got brave enough to admit it to him. You always acted like nothing had changed and you felt embarrassed about the fact that a small sentence like that could throw you off so bad when you didn’t have the right to act like that about it.

A couple of minutes passed before you had enough courage to head back to the boys. So, you took a deep breath and wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape, before stepping out of the bathroom again. Gladly, you didn’t have to justify your sudden move as Matt approached the group at the same time as you to hand you the keys.

“Finally, I thought we needed to sleep in the lobby.” You managed to say with a lopsided smile while Matt handed you your key.

While your group headed in the elevator, you took up a small conversation with Matt about things that had happened at tonight’s show, before he headed out together with the others. The only two left in the elevator being, of course, you and Noah.

“Looks like we’re neighbors tonight.” He answered you with a sweet smile after looking at your key for a second.

“Cool.” You tried to exclaim as friendly as possible and cringed for your second. Even the most unempathetic person on this planet would have realized that something was going on with you, but you were glad Noah decided to not talk about it as you walked to your rooms.

A couple of hours later, you were finished with your evening and ready to go to sleep but before you could slip under the blankets, you heard a slight knock on your door. For a second, you considered to just ignore it but when it knocked again, you sighed and opened the door just enough to look who was disturbing your peace at these ungodly times.

You were greeted by Noah with a worried expression on his face. For a second, you just looked at him confused, but he was fast to explain, while you opened the door a little more.

“Tell me what I did. You’ve been ignoring literally all my texts for more than three hours at this point.” He exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Of course, he was right about his statement. You had seen his texts. Normally, you’d test about the concert or some random stuff until you were both to sleepy to respond, but you had decided you couldn’t deal with him this evening. Not after you got so emotional because of a stupid sentence.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You lied and mirrored his gesture.

He lifted his eyebrow, and you already know he wouldn’t let you out of that conversation until you gave him the answers he wanted. “Gaslight someone else, sweetheart.” He grumbled.

You sighed and looked at your hands. “It’s nothing, Noah.”

“Oh, come on. You know nothing you is unimportant.” He encouraged you.

It felt stupid. Stupid how easy it was to open up to him, but you knew you couldn’t just tell him what’s been on your mind, so you simply shook your head. You were about to close the door, when he reached into the doorframe and pressed himself in your room while you protested.

“Y/n. Seriously, what’s going on?” He muttered in a soft tone while sitting down on your bed. He patted the place next to him. When you sat down, he turned to fully face you and touched your shoulder. “Please talk to me.”

“I really can’t, Noah.” You whispered. “It’s so fucking stupid.”

You felt so dumb, you wanted to slap yourself. You didn’t want this to go bad. You hated your feelings for choosing him. For opening up to him. For becoming so close with him. You remembered how you had joked with Matt about how everyone would eventually fall for THE lead singer and how you said Noah is just a really good friend and now look at you. Unable to even look him straight in the face.

“Did I say something?” Noah wanted to know, and you briefly looked at him. You couldn’t hold his gaze any longer in fear you would crack. You looked at his shirt to calm your thoughts but that was when you noticed his neckline and your thoughts instantly began to wander.

“You never not tell me anything.” Noah urged.

“Why are you so desperate?” You asked him in slight annoyance and swept his hand of your shoulder.

He blinked surprised for a couple of seconds before answering you. “Because you can’t even look at me and I don’t like that.”

Your heart jumped with happiness when you heard that confession, even if it was innocent.

“That’s not true.” – “Then look at me.”

You sighed before forcing your eyes onto his for a second just to look away again.

“See?” He mumbled, defeated. “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you. I didn’t mean it.”

“So, you didn’t mean you liked girls with experience better than others?” You spat out before you could even think about it more and instantly regretted it.

Noah opened and closed his mouth in confusion. He knew about your previous experiences or lack of experience.

“See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. It is dumb.” You tried to brush off what had just happened, but Noah shook his head.

“No, no, no. It’s not dumb. I didn’t mean it like that, I-…” He began to explain but you just sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Just stop, Noah.” You mumbled and laid down on your bed. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is another stressful day.”

“N-no… I really didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t even paying attention to Folio. I-… I don’t care about experience, Y/N. I consider myself lucky if anyone gets close to me at the moment. I’m a stressed mess, you know.” Noah rambled out and you noticed that he was nervous. You couldn’t really think about why.

“Oh c’mon. Everyone would consider themselves lucky to sleep with you, Noah. And you fucking know that.” You joked halfheartedly, but then a smile crept onto his face.

“You too?” He asked with a broad smirk on his face.

“Huh?” You huffed as your eyes grew wide.

“I mean… I know you are worried about not having too much experience… I just-…” He swallowed hard. “I could… help with that.”

“You wanna have sex with me?” You bluntly asked your friend and felt your heart almost exploding in your chest.

“I-… You know, we-… I-…” He began to stutter for a second but then he saw how nervous you looked and stopped in his tracks. “So, you wanna have sex with me.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and you swallowed hard. “Uh… I…”

“Forget it, you don’t have to answer th-…” – “Actually, I do.”

Your voice was not more than a whisper while your thoughts were racing. You just blankly confessed that to him, because you were tired. Tired of holding back.

“You are joking, right?” Noah mumbled; his mouth slightly open.

“Oh, come on. As if this comes as a surprise. There are literally people writing fanfiction about you.” You said and ran a hand through your hair in frustration.

“And you know that why?” He exclaimed and smiled lopsidedly.

Your eyebrows rose for a second when you realized what you had said.

When you didn’t answer, he spoke again. “So, you wanna have sex with me?”

“Trust me, with each word coming out of your mouth, the urge is getting less and less.” You answered him and rolled your eyes. His smile faded slightly, and he looked you deep in the eyes.

“Would you feel better if I told you I’ve thought about it, too?” He exclaimed and the tone of his voice shot straight to your core. This didn’t feel real.

“Yeah… Yeah that would help.” You mumbled and swallowed hard, not knowing how to proceed.

A second later, Noah was hovering over your, his face only a couple of inches away from you and you felt how the atmosphere in the room changed.

“You really wanna do this?” He asked you as your hands travelled to the hem of your shirt. You nodded.

“Tell me, you want this.” He almost pleaded with you.

“I want you to fuck me, Noah. For god sake, should I write it down for you?” You whisper-shouted against his lips and with that he giggled quietly before kissing your lips with such force that you realized he wasn’t joking. You grabbed his face and pulled him even closer to you. It felt like you two grasped onto everything. It felt like you were each other’s last meal. Like you were starved for so long, you couldn’t control it anymore.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down towards your core that was only clothed in your underwear, and you could feel how hard he was. You couldn’t help but grind against him. He slightly moaned into your mouth as your tongues danced with each other and you moved your hips again.

“Stop that.” He suddenly groaned against your mouth, and you began to grin. “What if I don’t?”

“Then I’m not going to go easy on you, sweetheart.” He warned you. It didn’t take a second for you to grind against him one more time, while smiling proudly about what a hard time he had with you.

“You’re going to regret that.” He mumbled and grabbed your hips with his hand firmly. This alone almost made you cum. It felt like something in him snapped. His pupils were blown wide with lust and then he was underdressing you. It was like he was ripping you out of your clothes.

When he reached your underwear, he stopped for a second and looked at you for reassurance. It was the last chance for you to tell him, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to stop.

“I trust you.” You breathed out and bucked your hips for a second.

“You don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for his, Y/n.” He answered you as he slowly slipped down your underwear. He didn’t waste any time after that and only a few kisses later to your stomach, you felt how his tongue moved through your folds. A soft moan escaped your mouth and you arched your hips to possibly get any closer to him.

Your hands found their way in your hair. It wasn’t the first time someone went down on you, but never before had it felt so intense to you.

He pinned your hips down to the bed with one arm and his tongue was devouring you like it was the last thing he would do. The sounds you were making only made him go harder. Then you felt how he added a finger inside of you, quickly followed by another.

“Oh my-… Fuck, Noah.” You gasped and you felt the vibrations of his laugh against your core. You felt a knot building inside of you and you tried to concentrate on anything that would help you not to come instantly.

“I can feel that you’re close.” He mumbled against you and flicked his tongue over your clit while his fingers pumped in and out of you.

You nodded, unable to form clear words without moaning them.

“I know, you can go longer than that, Y/n.” He hummed against you, and you felt like you were going insane.

“God, please.” You cried out, fearing you couldn’t hold it any longer.

His mouth and fingers felt so good, you were sure you couldn’t help yourself much longer. You felt your orgasm built up and then-… He stopped. He pulled away from you, his fingers out of your pussy and you whined at the loss of contact.

He grabbed your face with the hand that had been inside of you just seconds before and looked you in the eyes. “When you come tonight, it’s gonna be on my cock.”

“You know, it’s kind of unfair that I’m laying here completely naked while you’re fully clothed.” You breathed out with a small smile on your face.

“Oh, yeah?” He laughed against your lips before climbing of the bed to get out of his clothes. His eyes never left yours and yours never left his.

He was in nothing but his underwear, his cock hard underneath them and you bit your lip as his hands hooked under the waistband and he slowly slit them off. Your eyes slowly widened at the sight of his member, and you suddenly realized that all of this was real. He looked so perfect. All of him.

“You still okay?” He asked as he crawled back to you.

“Yes.” You breathed out when he was on top of you again. He leaned down to kiss you. You could feel him against your core, his cock moving between your folds as if he belonged there.

“Noah, please.” You moaned out and let your hands roam over his back.

“Yes?” He teased you and rocked his hips once more.

“Don’t be such a tease.” You whined and dragged your fingernails over his back. He let out a soft moan.

“Tell me what you want, Y/n.” Noah exclaimed, and you whined, before rolling your eyes.

“Do that again and I’ll make you regret it.” He breathed out.

“Oh, I’m so scared.” You answered him in a mocking tone and he instantly gave his words truth.

For the second time something snapped inside of him. You let out a small yelp as he flipped you over in a swift motion, your chest hitting the mattress. He grabbed your hips with such force, you were sure he would leave bruises.

“You still wanna continue to be a brat?” He asked you in an almost dangerous tone and you shook your head.

“Fuck, you’re dripping.” He almost moaned and you felt this cock against your ass. He positioned himself behind you, his tip teasing your entrance. His hands wandered over your hips softly and you felt a kiss against your neck. “We can stop anytime.”

“Please, don’t stop.” You breathed out. After that he slowly slid into you, your mouth open in a silent moan as he bottomed out.

“Is that alright?” He asked with a soft tone as you tried to get used to the feeling of him inside of you.

“Yes, everything is perfect.” You moaned out.

When he started to move, you thought you were going to die. In a good way. In a way that made you decide right there and then that when your time has come, this was how you wanted it to end.

“Oh, my f-… Noah.” You whispered out and gripped the sheets beneath you.

His right hand slowly reached to the front of your body and found your clit. He swiftly circled it while rocking into you.

His head was buried in your neck and the room was filled with moans and pants and curse words that were almost illegal to speak out.

“Shit, Y/N.” He whined into your neck. “You feel so good.” His thrust became faster and you were almost certain the bed was going to break if he kept that pace. But you were too far gone to care. You felt that knot in your stomach again and you knew this time you couldn’t contain yourself.

“Come on. Come for me, sweetheart.” He whispered against the back of your head, and you screamed. You screamed load enough that you were sure Jolly in the room underneath to you would hear.

He fucked you through it, his pace only slowing down moments later, right before he pulled out and you felt hot liquid painting your back.

You let yourself fall onto the pillow and he soon collapsed next to you. You turned to face him and could help but smile at him. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m in desperate need of a shower and I don’t even wanna talk about the lack of sleep we’ll have tomorrow.” You answered him and giggle for a second that caused him to smile.

“It was worth it.” He mumbled before leaning in again.

“Yes… yes it was.” Your lips met in a soft kiss and for a second everything inside of you began to tingle. You knew this was a new chapter for the both of you and that this was only the beginning.

“Let’s shower.” He mumbled before getting up and reaching out to help you up. He slung his arms around you for a second. “Maybe you can tell me about those fanfictions while showering.”

Your eyes widened for a second, before you made your way to the bathroom, followed by a laughing Noah.

“I’ll keep that to myself.” You answered him, before closing the bathroom door behind the two of you.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[pastryfication]

the one i’ve been missing

pairing: ollie bearman x reader

part two of my advent celebration

the name ollie bearman had in the last year become a household name. from the moment he crossed the finish line in saudi arabia, he went from an almost unknown 18 year old, to everyone even remotely interested in formula 1 knowing his name.

it was a huge change in his life, a very overwhelming change, and even more so because you weren’t there most of the time.

schoolwork had consumed you more than ever and his new role with ferrari had consumed him, leaving you with almost no time together, and it had led to a long distance experience you wouldn’t recommend anyone.

last year, he had been able to come home and spend time with you in every break between the races, so you only had to go without him for 14 weekends throughout the year. his schedule this year, however, had been very different.

it was december 7th, just over two weeks until christmas, and the world outside your dorm room was buzzing with holiday cheer. you, however, sat at your desk, hunched over an essay you had no motivation to finish. snow dusted the ground outside, and fairy lights glimmered in every window. students walked by in pairs, laughing and carrying steaming cups of hot chocolate, but none of it lifted your spirits.

you picked up your phone and stared at the last message from Ollie, sent late last night:

ollie: long day. miss you.

you’d replied with a simple, i miss you too, but the conversation had fizzled after that, as it often did. he was busy, exhausted from back-to-back commitments with haas and ferrari, and you understood that. but understanding didn’t make it any easier.

your phone buzzed, pulling you from your thoughts.

ollie: you free right now?

you frowned. it wasn’t like him to text in the middle of the day—his schedule rarely allowed for it.

yeah, what’s up?

his reply came almost immediately. can you come downstairs?

you blinked, your heart skipping a beat. why?

the next reply was even faster. just come. please.

confused, you stood up, grabbed your coat, and slipped into your boots. your dorm wasn’t particularly big, and it only took a minute to reach the front entrance. when you pushed open the door, the cold december air hit you like a wave.

and then you saw him.

ollie stood near the steps, his signature grin lighting up his face despite the red flush on his cheeks from the cold. he was bundled in a thick jacket, his ferrari-issued duffel bag slung over his shoulder, and his hair was a mess of curls barely tamed by his beanie.

“surprise,” he said, holding his arms out.

you froze, staring at him in disbelief. “what are you doing here?”

“coming to see you,” he said simply, his smile widening. “i realized it’s been months since we spent more than a couple of hours together, and i couldn’t wait any longer. so, i convinced the team to give me time off a bit earlier than usual.”

“you flew here? just for me?” you asked, your voice shaking slightly.

“of course i did,” he said, taking a step closer. “you’re worth it.”

that was all it took for you to close the gap between you. you threw your arms around him, holding him as tightly as you could. he dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in until there was no space between you.

“you’re insane,” you murmured against his shoulder, your voice thick with emotion.

“maybe,” he replied with a soft laugh before his expression turned more serious. “i know i’ve been gone for way too long . . . i’m so so sorry i haven’t been around. but you’ve been on my mind constantly. i’ve missed you. so much.”

you pulled back to look at him, your hands cupping his face. his cheeks were cold under your palms, but his eyes were warm, full of affection that made your chest ache.

“i missed you too,” you said quietly.

he smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “good. now, what’s the plan? christmas market? hot chocolate? anything you want—i’m all yours.”

you couldn’t help but laugh, the weight on your chest lifting for the first time in weeks. “anything?”

“anything.” he promised.

✦ ✦ ✦

back in your dorm, the small space was suddenly filled with the warmth of his presence. ollie helped unpack the tiny box of decorations you’d picked up at the dollar store, carefully untangling the string of fairy lights and teasing you about the chipped ornaments.

“you weren’t kidding when you said this was low-budget,” he quipped, holding up a snowman missing one eye.

you threw a piece of tinsel at him. “not all of us have formula 1 money, you know.”

he laughed, reaching to hook the snowman onto the tree anyway. “i like it. it’s cute. it’s very . . . you.”

“are you calling me low-budget?”

“not at all,” he said, quick to defend himself with a grin, leaning against the tree to watch you hang the last of the baubles. “i’m saying it’s perfect, just like you.”

your cheeks warmed as you stepped back to admire the tree. it wasn’t much—barely three feet tall and slightly lopsided—but with ollie standing beside it, his arm slung casually around your shoulder, it felt magical.

“wait,” he said suddenly, digging into the box. “what’s this?”

you turned to see him holding a tiny sprig of mistletoe wrapped in a thick red ribbon, his grin widening mischievously.

“that,” you said, crossing your arms, “was supposed to go on the wall.”

“well,” he said, holding it above his head, “i think it works just fine right here.”

you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t fight the smile tugging at your lips as he stepped closer, his free hand resting on your waist.

“it’s tradition,” he said softly, tilting his head.

“you’re impossible,” you murmured, but you leaned in anyway, your smile melting into his as his lips brushed yours.

the kiss was soft, warm, and lingering, and for a moment, the whole world seemed to fade away.

when you finally pulled back, ollie rested his forehead against yours, still holding the mistletoe above you.

“merry early christmas,” he whispered.

you smiled, your hands resting on his chest. “merry early christmas, ollie.”

[thebenjiblackwoodexpress]

Fire on Fire Part. 2

Description: Aegon struggles to deal with the fact he's in love with his niece, who seems to prefer every other noble boy in the Red Keep to him. When a drunken attempt to illicit her jealousy prompts a heartfelt conversation between the two, Aegon almost gets exactly what he wants, her love. But a disastrous turn of events at Driftmark threatens to tear them apart forever.

Previous part Next part Dividers by @zaldritzosrose

Writer's note: thank you to everyone who read part 1. This part is half fluff half angst, so fair warning. The next part will be after the time jump. I do play around a lot with timings here and Rhaenyra hasn't yet taken her children to dragonstone in this part.

Warnings: female reader. Targcest (Aegon and Rhaenyra's daughter). Characters are 16 and 15 respectfully at this point. Very much frenemies to lovers and heavily inspired by Jude and Cardan in The Folk of the Air series by Holly Black. Long because I don't know when to stop yapping.

The sound of Y/N's laughter met Aegon's ears as he made his way to the morning room to break his fast. He picked up his pace to round the corner and see just what was so funny but almost immediately wished he hadn't. He felt the stirrings of jealousy rise within him and his chest clench as he watched Y/N talking with that same noble boy as before, laughing again at something he'd said. It was thrice he had caught her with the same plain-featured weasel. If she loved the boy, Aegon would strike him down where he stood. She wasn't meant to love anyone but him.

The blood rushed to his cheeks as Y/N caught his eyes and sent him an infuriatingly sly smile. She knew how much her flirting irritated him and yet she persisted. Scowling at her, Aegon forced himself to continue walking past his niece and her admirer, keeping his gaze firmly set before him. He'd managed to avoid glancing at Y/N until he approached close enough to hear their conversation.

"You have the beauty of a lily with your silver hair and delicate features."

Aegon snorted, unable to help himself at how ridiculous a comparison that was. Y/N wasn't soft or fragile like a lily, unable to weather a storm and so easily trampled. She was the blood of the dragon, and her beauty was like that of a fire or a knife inlaid with the rarest of gems. It was made to burn, to cut, to make one feel something. He knew the stupid boy couldn't have a hope of understanding who Y/N truly was, would never appreciate her sharp edges or fierce spirit. And he who cannot handle the thorns should not desire the rose. Aegon ignored the look of contempt Y/N shot him and had nearly made it to the end of the hall when he heard a change in Y/N's pitch he misliked.

"No."

"Why not? I thought you liked me." He turned back to see her gently push the nobleman away from her with a hand on his chest. The boy looked like he had come perilously close to stealing a kiss, an act he would have paid for. Y/N was not his to kiss. She was a princess...more specifically Aegon's princess. And that thought had Aegon marching back whence he'd come, his features set in a scathing glare.

He used his momentum to roughly shove the boy away from Y/N.

"You presume to touch the princess, you swine? To sully her lips with yours. You baseless prick."

He felt Y/N gently tug on his sleeve, but he paid her no mind, only continued to scorch the noble boy with his eyes.

"I apologise my Prince. I meant no offence. Princess." And with a respectful nod at his niece, the boy hurried back down the hallway.

"Thank you."

Aegon turned to look at Y/N, prepared for sarcasm, for a rebuke at the extremity of his actions, but not her timid look as she fixed her gaze on her jewel embroidered slippers.

Aegon disliked seeing her like this, and he wanted to ask her whether she was alright, whether the scoundrel had tried anything like that before. But his jealousy and anger won out, as it so often did when it came to Y/N.

"You should be more discerning about who you spend your time with, niece."

Her head snapped up, her eyes fierce once again and her words venomous.

"If you're going to be like that then I certainly don't want to be around you, uncle. I don't even like you anyway."

Ah, there was that fire he so admired. Aegon smiled at her as she passed by him, shouting after her, "Yes, you do."

Aegon was more than a little amused to find Y/N was still cross with him as they listened to instructions from the dragonkeepers in the pit. Each time he attempted to catch her eye she was already frowning at him, and would quickly look away, pointedly ignoring him.

He generally let his mind go blank as the dragon keepers droned on, but his interest was sparked as he heard them discussing Y/N attempting her first flight on Grey Ghost. Two of the keepers were considering whether it would be better to ask Rhaenyra of Laenor to ride up with her and ensure her safety, when he stepped forward and interrupted them.

"I'll take her up."

Y/N sidled up to him

"No he won't."

Aegon turned to shoot her what he must have been an infuriatingly condescending smirk, for he could see her clench her fists on response.

"You either play with the children and their baby dragons or you come with me. What's it to be?" He glanced pointedly in the direction of her brothers, whose dragons were still too young to ride far.

Y/N huffed resignedly.

"Fine." 

Aegon grinned at her triumphantly.

"Excellent. Let's go then Quelos."

Then he took hold of her wrist, dragging her towards where the dragonkeepers had shepherded Grey Ghost and Sunfyre, ignoring the uneasy looks the keepers exchanged. Sod them. Y/N was perfectly safe with him.

Getting Y/N to actually mount her dragon presented a bigger challenge. She'd spent what felt like an eternity staring at the ladder hanging off Grey Ghost's saddle, and he could practically hear her heart beating out of her chest.

"You do know how to climb right?"

Y/N whipped round, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Of course I do."

"Thank the seven. I had thought you'd forgotten how to use your limbs at all."

Y/N looked like she was trying very hard don't to slap him. Aegon only shot her a smile that showed far too much teeth for it to be kind.

Y/N rolled her eyes at him, turning back to approach the ladder and place her hands on the first rung. She didn't look back at him as she spoke

"And if I fall to my death?"

"Then I'll have far less food launched at me at supper."

When he caught a slight tremble in her hands as they gripped the ladder, he relented. 

"Grey Ghost won't let you fall, and I'll be up there with you on Sunfyre in case you're stupid enough to fall off. You'll be fine."

Y/N fixed him with a look of exasperation. Any comfort he offered her would always have an edge of mischief to it. Nonetheless, she climbed the first few rungs before stopping only a foot up from the ground.

Walking up to where Y/N stood he patted the back of her leg encouragingly, feeling how tense she was through her riding leathers.

"Up you go."

Y/N looked down at him with widened eyes, likely shocked at his presumption to touch her like that.

"I'm not a dog, Aegon."

Her rebuke carried little import for Aegon as her face curiously flushed. Was she blushing? More specifically was she blushing because he'd touched her? He removed his hand quickly, realising he'd kept it there for far longer than was appropriate. Shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts, Y/N began to climb in earnest, not stopping until she reached the top of Grey Ghost's back, swinging her leg over to settle in the saddle.

Aegon patted Grey Ghost's thick scales. "Look after her, there's a good dragon."

Then he turned to mount his own dragon, which took significantly less time.

"Right. Look how I'm holding Sunfyre's reigns. This is how you get your dragon to move and direct them as you wish." He demonstrated each movement slowly to Y/N who was watching him attentively.

"your dragon will have a sense of what you want, so you can rely on your bond for the most part. The order to fly is 'Soves'. You try."

Y/N squared her shoulders and gripped Grey Ghost's reigns, facing forward and issuing her command with determination.

"Grey Ghost, soves." The dragon responded instantly, breaking into a run before taking to the skies.

Aegon followed quickly after, keen to keep an eye on his niece, being the more experienced rider.

As they rose higher and higher into the clouds over King's Landing, he laughed to see Y/N gripping her reigns for dear life, every muscle tensed.

He shouted to her so she could hear him over the wind and flapping of their dragons' wings "Relax Quelos. Feel the wind on your face and the power of the beast beneath you. See how small King's Landing looks from this height. We are gods among men."

He through his arms and head back behind him, letting out a laugh of exaltation at the familiar feeling of flying with Sunfyre. There was nothing quite like soaring high above the clouds. He felt like nothing could touch him here, none of the expectations imposed upon him as a Prince, nor the judgements of his mother and the dismissive looks of his father. Up here it was just him and his dragon...and now Y/N. Aegon suddenly imagined this would be something they'd do if they were married. They'd take to the skies together, share in the singular joy of dragon riding that only a Targaryen could experience, flying high over King's Landing so that all the small folk would see them and their dragons and know they belonged to one another.

Glancing at Y/N, he was pleased to see she'd relaxed considerably and looked like she was actually enjoying herself. When she let out a carefree laugh, patting her dragon and urging him to rise higher into the sky, Aegon followed without hesitation.

Y/N had grown in confidence as she grew accustomed to flying on dragonback, and challenged Aegon to a race back to the dragon pit.  He'd been all too willing to oblige and they left the pit after dismounting their dragons playfully shoving each other's sides as they bickered over who had actually won.

Just as they were about to enter the Red Keep, Aegon stopped Y/N.

"Wait a moment, Quelos."

Raising his hand he picked a stray leaf from her hair before tucking a strand of hair that had escaped her elaborate braid behind her ear.

Y/N stilled, staring up at him with a dazed expression.

An award silence ensued which had Aegon regretting his brash actions and clearing his throat to break it.

"You look a mess. It's off putting actually."

Y/N glared at him, whatever spell that had kept her frozen in place breaking as she turned on her heel to storm up the stairs and into the Red Keep, nose upturned haughtily. Aegon stared wistfully after her, wishing he could just damn well say something nice to her for once.

From that day onwards, Y/N would only fly out with Aegon, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him to the dragon pit with her whenever she wanted. This pleased Aegon to no end, seeing it as another way in which they were irrevocably connected to one another.

News of Laena Velaryon's death reached the Red Keep, and it was decided that the royal family would travel to driftmark for her funeral. Aegon had never met Laena, his concern lay with his niece, who seemed to take the news harder than he would have expected.

As they played a game of Cyvasse, Aegon could no longer ignore her melancholy expression.

"Is it your aunt?"

She looked up from the board, seemingly having been lost in her own thoughts. He misliked her going off in her head to a place he could not follow.

"What?"

"Your aunt Laena. Is that why you're so glum?"

Y/N shook her head, playing with the end of her braid, a nervous gesture she'd taken to as a child.

"You might think me selfish. But it is not the Lady Laena I mourn for. It is Harwin Strong. We never got to mourn him properly, it wouldn't have been appropriate mother said. We weren't even able to bury him."

Aegon, in an uncharacteristic display of empathy, reached over and took her hand, interlocking their fingers as he'd tried to do only once before. This time, she didn't pull away from him, and he knew then the depth of her grief for her to accept comfort from him.

"I don't think your selfish. He was...he meant a lot to you and my sister."

Shit. Aegon had almost said what everyone had always known but never voiced. That Harwin Strong was Y/N's father, the father of all Rhaenyra's children. Y/N was clever. She must know. But Aegon felt there was a silent pact between them that they could throw jibes at each other as much as they liked as long as they did not cross this one line.

"You're surprisingly good at this."

"I'm good at a great deal of things. You'll have to be more specific."

"No, you're not. Don't lie. I meant you're good at comforting someone when they're upset. Thank you."

"You wound me Quelos. But, you're welcome."

He squeezed her hand one last time before retracting it to gesture back to the Cyvasse board.

"Now hurry up and make your move so I can take your castle with my dragon."

Aegon couldn't shake his concern for Y/N as he watched her mope about the Red Keep in the days before the Lady Laena's funeral. Though, he tried to convince himself he was starting to act just like those lovesick fools in Y/N's books. If only he could find a way to distract her, cheer her up. The perfect opportunity arose the day before they would set of for Driftmark.

Aegon had fortuitously tripped over a wine goblet he'd carelessly tossed on the floor, only to fall against the wall by his bed, gripping onto the nearest sconce to steady himself. Only a moment later, the wall gave way and Aegon fell into a darkened passage. As his eyes adjusted, he could see the passage was long and branched off in different directions. Quickly righting himself, he brushed the dust of his tunic and grabbed a candle, choosing a path and following it to see where it lead. After a short time, he spotted ridges in the wall that signalled this was another secret entrance and peaking through a small hole he could see it entered into Aemond's room. Aegon smirked. For once, his drunken tendencies and clumsiness had been useful. He knew just how to distract Y/N. With an afternoon of adventuring.

Aegon bounded up to Y/N excitedly as he finally found her reading one-off her novels in the godswood. Grabbing her by the elbows, he pulled her up and wasted no time in taking her hand to pull her along with him.

"Come on little star, I have something to show you."

Y/N looked startled by his abruptness and a little ruffled by his manhandling of her. Though this was hardly new, he never treated her like a porcelain doll as the other members of court did.

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

Y/N yanked her hand back, though Aegon refused to let her go.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not. The last time you said you had a surprise for me, you put one of Helaena's tarantulas in my hand."

Aegon rolled his eyes.

"It's not like that this time. Don't you trust me?"

"Decidedly not. I'm not stupid."

Groaning at her stubbornness, Aegon leaned down to look her in the eyes.

"I give you my word as a Prince of the realm that I won't allow any harm to come to you...and there are no spiders involved this time."

Y/N searched his eyes for a few seconds before seeming to decide he was telling the truth, her arm loosening as she stopped resisting him.

"Fine then. I'll set Jacaerys on you if you are lying though."

"Ha. I'd like to see that." Y/N followed him wordlessly after that until they reached the door to his chambers where she suddenly stopped and frowned at him sternly.

"There's not going to be any funny business is there?"

Glancing from her face to his door Aegon scoffed as he realised what she meant.

"Do you have any faith in me whatsoever?"

"Absolutely none."

Aegon huffed, a little hurt by this.

"Well that stings. But no, I would never take advantage of you." He looked at her seriously, urging her to believe he wouldn't joke about something like that. He wanted her to feel for him one day, wanted to be able to kiss her...marry her. But he wanted her to want him too.

Y/N relented and gestured towards the door.

"OK then. Lead the way."

Aegon leaned back, rocking on his heels as he awaited Y/N's response to the passageway opening, having explained how he'd found it.

"Well, what do you think?"

Y/N looked back at him, mouth opened partially in shock before she abruptly closed it.

"Aegon. This...is brilliant."

He positively beamed at her, not used to such praise, but happy to have impressed her with his discovery.

"It would be a shame to leave all those passages unexplored, don't you think?"

Y/N shot him a sly, conspiratorial look.

"An awful shame." And for the first time, Y/N held her hand out to him, inviting him to take it. He'd never moved so fast, interlacing their fingers quickly. It felt more intimate to hold her hand that way somehow.

Aegon tried to shush Y/N's giggles as they looked through a peephole into the council room and overheard Lord Tyland Lannister getting a talking down by his grandsire the Hand. But he himself was laughing so hard, it had turned into pained wheezes that left him clutching his stomach. Y/N was only making it worse as she mimicked the Lannister Lord's face.

"What was that noise?" King Viserys looked about him, clearly having heard their muffled laughter.

Aegon's eyes widened and he gently started pushing Y/N away from the peephole and further down the passageway.

When he thought they'd successfully found the entrance to his chambers again he pushed through with a sigh of relief, but froze as he realised he'd been mistaken...for there was his sister Rhaenyra packing belongings into a trunk for the journey on the morrow. This was not his room. He felt Y/N's skirts brush against his leg and quickly pushed her back through the entryway, closing the passageway with the sconce just before Rhaenyra turned to look at him, eyes wide with shock at his sudden apparition. He was glad at least that Y/N had not been caught if he was about to be told off for snooping.

"Aegon?"

"I'm sorry...sister." The word felt strange to describe their relationship. He'd been raised to be suspicious of her, to fear her even. But he did not want to. He stumbled over his words, trying to provide an explanation for his appearance in her room.

"I discovered this secret passage and was just exploring. I didn't mean to intrude upon you, I thought this was my room."

A strange expression came over Rhaenyra's face, her eyes glazing over slightly like she was remembering something. To his surprise, she did not shout at him or rebuke him at all.

"That is alright. I myself discovered the passage when I was about your age just exercise more discretion when you're exploring." This was the longest they'd held a conversation that Aegon could remember. And he felt himself wanting to grasp for more, for a reality in which they could have just been brother and sister.

"Thank you, Rhaenyra." The ghost of a smile lit her features at his appellation of her name.

"I remember when you couldn't say my name. You couldn't form the vowels properly so I taught you how to say it when you were 2."

Aegon felt his heart clench at the thought.

"I wish I could remember." He wished for more than that. He sought for something to say to Rhaenyra, anything to express his earnest wish they could form a sibling bond. After all, he wished to marry her daughter one day. But nothing came.

"Off you go, then."

The brisk morning air sent a shiver through Aegon as he made his way up the ramp to the galley that would take them to Driftmark. He could have flown there on Sunfyre, but Rhaenyra had forbidden Y/N from making the flight herself, saying it wouldn't be fair to her brothers whose dragons were too young to make the journey. And so he'd opted to stay with Y/N.

Aegon came to regret this choice later that day as the little she devil didn't seem grateful to have his company in the slightest, all but slamming the door to her cabin in his face.

"No, Aegon."

"Why not?"

He'd been trying to convince her to play a game of Cyvasse with him for the last half hour, but she'd positioned her body in her doorway blocking his entrance.

"I just don't feel up to it.

Aegon smirked at her.

"Coward. You just think you'll lose."

To his surprise, Y/N didn't bite back a smart retort.

"See this line right here?" She pointed at the slight inclination in ground level at the foot of her doorway.

"You stay on your side, and i'll stay on mine."

And in his shock at such a cold rebuttal, Y/N was able to slam her door shut before Aegon could stop her. He sulked off unhappily to his own room. Perhaps she really was feeling unwell. She had looked a little paler, perhaps.

Aegon grew truly concerned the next morning when Y/N didn't emerge from her chambers. He was bored and wanted her company, after all he had opted for the boat expressly to spend time with her. Hours passed, and his eyes kept flitting to her door as he sat on deck, so he made the decission to check on her.

He rapped his knuckles on her door impatiently, calling out to her.

"Go away." Aegon frowned. There was really no need and no explanation for her animosity. But then he heard the unmistakable sounds of vomiting and realised why Y/N hadn't wanted him in her chambers the night before or now.

"Are you sick?"

"Obviously, idiot." Alarmed by how weak Y/N's insult sounded, Aegon pushed his way through the door.

"Then I'm coming in."

He shut the door quickly behind him, turning around to see Y/N crouched over a bucket, looking as green as his mother's House colours.

"You look awful."

Y/N scowled.

"Ugh, don't you always think that anyway?"

Her face contorted with pain and she had to lean over to heave into the bucket again. Aegon moved towards her, gently pulling her hair back from her face and stroking her back. When she'd finished he grabbed her wrist, dragging her to sit on the bed.

"Sit."

Y/N was leant forward, her hand on her forehead.

"Still not a dog, Aegon. You can't order me about."

"Are you sure? You're doing an awful lot of yapping for being not a dog."

"I will hit you."

Aegon winked at her, pleased she was feeling well enough to bicker with him. She was not dying at least.

"I don't doubt it."

Removing the bucket from the room and leaving it outside for a servant to deal with, he returned to start gathering cloths and wetting them in a dish of water.

"What are you doing?" Y/N questioned him inquisitively.

"Helping."

He lightly pressed her shoulders so she would have to lie down and began dabbing at her face with the cool cloths, leaving one pressed against her forehead. He made her take some sips of water from a goblet he handed her for good measure.

"Better?"

"Yes. Though thoroughly embarrassed at having such pathetic sea legs considering my father is a Velaryon."

Aegon didn't know what to say to that. To him, it made perfect sense that Y/N would not be suited totally to the sea like a true Velaryon. She was made of fire and blood. So he said nothing, and a silence ensued, broken by Y/N.

"I'm bored."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Read to me."

"No."

"Please."

"Still no."

"But my head hurts and I can't keep my eyes open."

"It'll pass."

If she thought she was just going to bat her eyelashes at him and get whatever she wanted...

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, looking at him imploringly, and Aegon caved.

"Oh fine then. What drivel do you have stashed away for me to read?" He approached the pile of books by her bedside table, flicking through their contents to find the least unappealing.

"Despicable, disgusting, simpering fool. Quelos, I'd say you should be ashamed but I never had that much faith in your reading tastes anyway.

"If you're going to be mean then leave." Y/N crossed her arms, looking genuinely embarrassed by his assessment of her literary tastes.

Smirking at her, he picked a book at random from the pile and settled down in the chair beside her to read. He surprised himself by how much he enjoyed reading to her, changing the pitch of his voice for different characters and performing a pretty compelling reenactment of the scorned lover's appeal for forgiveness, he thought. He was so animated that he didn't realise when Y/N had fallen asleep. He'd never seen her look so peaceful, and he realised it was because she wasn't scowling at him. He thought she looked lovely, ethereal even, but he much preferred when she was awake to glare at him. It was so much more fun, and deep down, he thought it was a mark of affection that was wholly theirs.

He must have fallen asleep not long after, for he awoke to find Y/N sitting up and reading, looking much better than she had.

"You snore very loudly."

"No I don't." Aegon frowned. He didn't think he did at least.

"How do you know?"

"Heathen." There was no malice in the insult, but a tenderness.

"First I'm ugly, then I'm a dog, now a heathen. I've had an interesting metamorphosis on this trip."

"You're not." Aegon replied before he could stop himself.

"Not?"

"Ugly. You're beautiful."

"You think I'm pretty?" No, he did not think her pretty. He thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. Pretty wasn't enough for her.

"Beautiful. I said beautiful. Pretty is a pathetic word for what you are. If you wanted someone to call you pretty you should have asked that prick you've been spending so much time with."

Y/N looked momentarily stunned, then a flash of hurt crossed her features.

"He's not a prick. Are you making fun of me?"

Aegon felt his blood heat at her defence of the bastard he'd warned off her only a short while ago. Then, he was angry at her for seeming to prefer every other boy in the Keep over him, no matter what he did.

He rose to stand, only glancing back at her once he'd reached her door, one hand on the door knob.

"If you like."

Aegon steadfastly avoided Y/N for the rest of the journey, and once they reached Driftmark, he immediately set to getting as drunk as humanely possible. He gulped down cup after cup of wine, though he winced as it burned down his throat. He tried to ignore the disapproving looks Y/N kept shooting him, as well as the droning chatter of the other guests around him. Aemond came to stand by him quietly. "Whats happened between you and our niece?"

Was he really so transparent? Aegon downed another cup of wine before answering.

"Nothing. Why do you say that?"

"Because it looks like you're trying very hard to drink yourself to death, and you won't stop staring at each other."

Aegon frowned at the validity of his brother's assessment, his shoulders stiffening as he saw Y/N approaching them. When she was in hearing range, he raised his voice and turned to Aemond.

"She's not to my tastes, brother. I prefer creatures with very long legs." Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Y/N halt in her tracks, a look of hurt passing over her features, before she walked back in the opposite direction to rejoin her brothers. Aegon had wanted to make her jealous...to make her want him. But as so often was the case, his words had had the opposite effect, and she only seemed to hate him more.

Aegon sank down onto the steps overlooking the blackwater, letting his head fall back on the stone wall, his head beginning to ache and his vision to swim.

"You're drunk."

Aegon tilted his head to look at Y/N, though it was difficult to make out her figure in the oppressive darkness.

"Yes. The wine is good. What of it?"

The wine wasn't good. It was bitter and acrid, and burned Aegon's throat. But he had drank cup after cup nonetheless. He didn't drink it for the taste, but to forget his worries; the pressing weight of his mother's expectations, the bitterness he carried within him in the face of father's complete disregard for him, and the pain he felt at Y/N's inability to love him. His niece sank down next to him, her shoulder pressing against his as she leant her head against the wall with him to look up at the starless sky. Obfuscated by dark grey clouds, even the sky seemed sinister tonight.

"You don't have to be like this, you know." Y/N didn't have to clarify. He knew she meant his self-destructive behaviour and tendency to lash out when in pain. They'd always understood each other too well for any pretence. But he did wish she wouldn't be so direct about it. If she couldn't love him, then couldn't she at least let him drown himself in wine and sulk as he pleased? That was what the rest of his family did.

"Yes I do."

Y/N sighed, looked sadly at him with her beautiful eyes...her painfully beautiful eyes that haunted his every waking thought. He wished she would close them or direct them elsewhere so he didn't have to look at them.

"You pretend to be awful, but I know it's all just an elaborate charade..."

He interrupted her before she could finish. He didn't like where this was going. It was too raw, too vulnerable. He was too vulnerable under her penetrative stare.

"Maybe I am awful." It was better for her to dislike him, hate him even, than pity him. Her indifference to him he could just about bear...her pity he could not. He was pathetic to his grandsire, a disappointment to his mother, and nothing at all to his father. He couldn't be nothing to Y/N. A source of irritation, the object of her ire perhaps, but not nothing.

"No, you're not. You're my best friend."

Friend. The word rang sickeningly in Aegon's mind, only worsening his headache.

"Don't say that." He gritted out.

"What?"

"I don't want to be your friend." He watched her face fall at his unexpected animosity. She was innocent to her power to hurt him with just the idea that she saw him only as a friend. It wasn't her fault, but he couldn't bear for her to state it so assuredly. Was there not even a part of her that felt for him as he did her?

"Oh. I thought..."

"Well you thought wrong."

Panic tore through Aegon as Y/N brushed off her skirts and rose to leave, her face oddly scrunched up like she was trying hard not to cry. Against his better judgement, Aegon grabbed her hand in a vice like grip, pulling her back down next to him.

He despised how broken his own voice sounded to his ears as he whispered a silent plea.

"Don't leave. I'm sorry."

He didn't loosen his grip on her hand till he felt her relax, her arm brushing his again. He found even this touch comforting, a reassurance that someone cared about him, even if it was not in the way he wished. He was glad his mind was somewhat befuddled by his overindulgence of Velaryon wine. It made it easier for him to pretend Y/N loved him too.

"Why are you trying so hard to act like you hate me, only to apologise immediately afterwards. It seems awfully exhausting." Aegon smiled sadly at her. Of course she knew it was an act. She knew everything about him.

"Because I'd rather hate you than feel as I truly do for you. It's insufferable."

"What do you mean, Aegon?" And suddenly, he couldn't stand her ignorance to his own feelings, whether it was willful or not. If he had to suffer them, then she did too.

"I mean that everytime I see you with another stupid boy I want to feed him to Sunfyre, and I don't know whether I want to shout at you or kiss you stupid until you don't want to look at another boy ever again."

Y/N's mouth parted open in shock, her gasp only seeming to reaffirm what Aegon already felt he knew deep within his bones. She did not feel the same.

"So why don't you?"

Aegon stared at her, searching for anything that would give away the game she must surely be playing.

"You don't see me that way. Like you said. I'm your best friend." His voice was laced with sarcasm, the word 'friend' tasting like the bitter Velaryon wine on his tongue

"What if I did?"

"Did what?" He let his eyes flutter closed, tired of this game. It wasn't fun for him.

"Want you to kiss me?"

He jumped upright. She couldn't be serious. And yet she didn't look like she found any of this funny. He didn't dare to hope.

"Don't play with me, Y/N. Not now."

"I'm not...for once. I never liked any of those stupid boys as you call them. I just wanted you to look at me, really see me. As a girl you might love rather than just your little niece."

Aegon felt like he was walking in a dream, perhaps a symptom of the alcohol running through his bloodstream that was making him slightly lightheaded. He grinned at the girl in front of him, who might just be his girl after all.

"So you like me as well."

Y/N wrinkled her nose at him.

"Like is a strong word."

Aegon took her hand, chasing her eyeline as she shifted awkwardly under his gaze. She looked shy for once, her cheeks dusted with a lovely shade of pink.

"I think you might actually be madly in love with me based on how red your face is."

"It's rude to comment on a lady's appearance like that, Aegon. And don't get ahead of yourself."

He smirked cockily at her, feeling his confidence grow.

"You like it when I'm rude. Besides, I'm quite the catch."

Y/N scoffed, wrenching her hand from his, though he quickly reclaimed it.

"I'll have you know I'm very much sought after and admired in the Keep. Didn't you see how taken that nobleman was with me?"

Aegon tilted his head down, whispering against Y/N's ear.

"I remember you looking at me when he was looking at you."

Y/N's eyes widened, though she did not deny it. Aegon felt a rush of excitement pass through him, felt the blood pounding in his ears as he saw her eyes flit to his lips.

Right then Aegon decided he'd teased Y/N enough. Now he wanted to reassure her of how he felt about her.

"I think I'm a little in love with you actually. I'd better kiss you to be sure." He tried to sound playful, light hearted. But he so wanted her to say yes.

Y/N looked nervous for a moment before smiling at him

"OK."

Aegon moved slowly, just in case Y/N wanted to change her mind, shifting closer to kneel before her. He tentatively placed a hand on her waist, more gentle than he thought himself capable of, and pressed his lips to her briefly. Pulling away to guage her reaction, he nearly laughed when he saw that her eyes were shut, her long eyelashes grazing her cheeks as she tilted her head up, seeking his lips. Then he kissed her again, more fervently this time, until she started to move her lips against his with a degree of clumsiness he found endearing before finding a rhythm. He'd kissed other girls before, though not one of them had mattered to him, and he never much cared for it. Kissing Y/N made him feel like all his nerves were on fire, and each brush of her soft lips against his as they moulded together made him feel an elation quite like flying on dragonback..like he was soaring. Y/N shifting suddenly pulled him from his joy, and he pulled away, concerned he'd stepped too far.

"What's wrong?"

Y/N looked sheepish, toying with the rings on her fingers.

"I don't know where to put my hands."

Aegon smiled tenderly at her.

"Anywhere."

He kissed her again but quickly grew distracted by her continued fidgeting. He'd expressly granted her permission to touch him and was more than a little disappointed she hadn't taken him up on his offer. Taking hold of her hands himself, he placed them on his shoulders. Y/n relaxed against him then, gripping his shoulders to pull him closer. He shuddered under even this innocent touch, feeling overwhelmed by the reality that Y/N loved him.

Y/N pulled away to catch her breath, pushing against his shoulders so she could look up into his face. "Well? Are you in love with me or not?"

Aegon pretended to think. "inconclusive. Perhaps we should try again to be sure." Y/N promptly hit him on the arm, hard. Of course, he'd fall in love with such a heathen. Aegon wrapped his arms around her, pressing their foreheads together. He wanted her to know he was only jesting. Of course he loved her.

"Yes, you silly girl."

Aegon stroked her cheek experimentally, only having read about such affectionate gestures in the ridiculous novels Y/N had forced him to read to her. He did still hope he was doing it right.

"I'm going to marry you one day."

"Are you now?"

Aegon blinked. Shit. Perhaps that was too far or he sounded too sure of himself, too possessive. He quickly fumbled to amend the error.

"Only if you want to...then I'll go and talk to our mothers."

Y/N laughed at him, leaning forward to rest her head against his shoulder, causing him to still completely.

"I think you'd better. Maybe when you've sobered up a bit. You're slurring a little now, my stupid boy." And the way she called him hers had Aegon leaning forward to kiss her again.

The young prince and princess entered the Velaryon halls hand in hand. Though Aegon felt something was wrong almost immediately as he heard raised voices. They followed the direction of the voices, being admitted by a pair of knights. Aegon dropped Y/N's hand at the sight before him, horrified by the blood covering his brother's face and the gaping wound where his eye should have been. His mother was shouting, but he couldn't make out what had happened amongst the din. Glancing around the room, he could see that Jace and Luke were also covered in blood, though with no visible injuries. What could possibly have happened in the space of time he'd been absent?

Aegon rushed over to his mother.

"What's happened?"

She pointed angrily in the direction of his nephews.

"They attacked your brother, took his eye. Where were you when your brother was being set upon?" She slapped him then, and Aegon looked at her in shock. He heard a gasp and looked to see Y/N over by her brothers, her hand covering her mouth. A wave of guilt swept over him. He'd been with her, and for a moment, he had been truly happy. But he couldn't say that the reason he had not been there to defend his brother was because he'd been too busy kissing and confessing his love to his niece.

He lowered his head to the ground with shame, standing with his hands clasped behind his back.

His mother turned away from him as the doors burst open to admit Rhaenyra, Rhaenys, and Corlys.

"What is the meaning of this." The sea snake's voice boomed across the hall, and the room erupted with noise as each party sought to tell their side first.

Aegon got the gist of it eventually that Aemond had claimed Vhagar to Baela's displeasure, that a brawl had broken out and Aemond had been left to fend off four children single handedly before Lucerys Velaryon cut out his eye. Aegon felt appalled at his nephew's actions and then with himself for not being there to stop them.

"He called us bastards."

Aegon's head snapped up at Jacaerys' accusation, feeling panic creep in. They had never addressed the fact so directly before. It was the worst kept secret in Kings Landing, but a secret nonetheless. Viserys approached Aemond, a dangerous look on his mottled face.

"Where did you hear such vile accusations? Tell me, Aemond."

Aegon watched as Aemond's eye shifted to their mother, their father following his eyeline. He silently prayed that Aemond wouldn't say he had heard it from their mother. Aegon didn't know what Viserys would do to her if he knew she'd spoken badly of Rhaenyra, ever father's favourite.

"Aegon"

Aegon's eyes widened, his whole body tensing as Viserys turned his gaze on him instead.

"Me?"

"And where did you hear such lies, boy." Aegon couldn't think of an answer, which only seemed to anger his father more as he shouted into his face, making him jump. "Aegon!"

He wouldn't implicate his mother in this, and so there was only one thing for him to do. He had to tell the truth his father refused to accept. He took a deep breath and locked eyes with Y/N, trying to express to her without words how sorry he was for what he was about to say.

"We know, father. Everyone knows. Just look at them."

He wanted Y/N to know that he didn't mean her. Never her. She was different, a true Targaryen no matter her parentage. But he had to choose his brother, his mother, and to watch Y/N's face that had only a short while ago looked at him with love fall at his betrayal.

"This interminable infighting must cease. We are a family. Now make your apologies."

Aegon felt disgust at his father's dismissal of Aemond's suffering, simply telling them to make their apologies. He'd lost an eye, it could never be so simple.

"That is not sufficient. My son has lost an eye."

Aegon shifted closer to his mother as she argued with his father, preparing to step between them if Viserys raised a hand to her.

"What would you have me do?" Perhaps acknowledge your other children, Aegon thought bitterly.

"There is a debt to be paid I shall have one of her son's eyes in return." Aegon felt his heart begin to beat faster with fear at what his father would do at such a suggestion, feeling his shoulders sag in relief when Ser Criston refused to take Luke's eye. His relief was short-lived as his mother grabbed his father's dagger from its sheath and made as if to take the boy's eye herself. With adrenaline fuelling him, he quickly crossed the room and took hold of Y/N's arm, pulling her out of the way though she struggled against him.

"Let me go."

"Not until it's safe."

Aegon gasped as his mother cut Rhaenyra, a heavy silence enveloping the room.

In his shock his grip on Y/N loosened and she tried to get out of his hold. He quickly made a grab for her wrist to stop her.

"I'm sorry Y/N. I had to say it."

She yanked her arm away from him, her voice like ice.

"You as good as called me a bastard."

"You have to understand Y/N. My father, gods know what he would have done to my brother, my mother."

Nothing he said seemed to help. Y/N's eyes were welling up with tears and she wouldn't even look at him.

Placing a hand on her waist, he whispered a desperate plea for only her to hear.

"Please, Quelos. You know I love you."

She took hold of his hand only to remove it from her waist, taking a step back from him.

"No I don't."

And then she was rushing away from him to catch up with her mother and brothers, leaving Aegon there to stare after her.

Aegon paced outside his mother's quarters, waiting for his grandsire Otto to leave so he could speak with her. Otto seemed surprised to find him there once he emerged from her chambers, the hour was late. But he said nothing as he set off down the hall and Aegon entered his mother's chambers before the door had even swung shut.

"Mother, I must speak with you."

His mother sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Not now, Aegon."

He closed the door behind him.

"It cannot wait. I've come to request your permission to marry Y/N Velaryon."

His mother gawked at him, grasping blindly behind her to steady herself on a chair.

"What can you mean by this? You wish to marry the girl whose brother maimed your own this very evening?"

Aegon flinched at the harshness in her voice.

"It would surely help to put an end to the conflict between the two sides of our family...and I love her, mother."

"I will not allow you to sully yourself by marrying one of your sister's bastard children. You are a true born Targaryen. Y/N is not worthy of any of my sons."

Aegon straightened his shoulders.

"Don't speak about her like that, mother."

She looked shocked at him talking back to her like that, but it pained him to hear his mother speak badly of the girl he loved.

"That's the end of the conversation, Aegon. We're leaving tomorrow."

"But, mother..."

"Now, Aegon. Get to bed."

Turning from him to gaze into the fire, Aegon realised with a heavy heart that his mother would hear no more of his plea for Y/N's hand that night, and he quietly left the room.

Neither Rhaenyra nor her children were on the boat home to the King's Landing the next day, and Aegon leant over the deck railings staring at Driftmark as it faded into the distance. He hated having to go even another day without speaking to Y/N, knowing she must still be angry with him. How could everything have turned to ash so quickly, all of his hopes and dreams turning to cinders. But she would have to return to King's Landing for her dragon. They all would. He would make her understand then...

Days passed, and there was still no sign of Y/N returning. His mother continued to avoid answering his questions about when Rhaenyra would return, and all of his attempts to bring up a marriage between himself and Y/N.

There was a heavy mist covering King's Landing when Rhaenyra finally returned with her children. Aegon had woken to find servants milling about the hallways carrying objects from Rhaenyra's room and from Y/N's, much to his confusion. He'd headed to his mother's chambers to find out what was happening.

"Your sister is taking her children to live on Dragonstone. She returned this morning to arrange for the transportation of her belongings and for her children's dragons. She has likely left by now."

Aegon had dashed from the room, sprinting down the stairwell that led to the main courtyard. Surely his mother had to be wrong. Rhaenyra wouldn't even let Jace and Luke fly their dragons to Driftmark. Dragonstone was a similar distance. Y/N couldn't be gone.

But he was too late. Out of breath from his exhertions, he looked up to the skies only to sight Rhaneyra's dragon Syrax in the distance and the unmistakable grey scales of Y/N's dragon as they flew over King's Landing. And as he watched on, Grey Ghost's scales blended with the mist until he could no longer see them.

Quelos~ Star

This was so ridiculously long! Even if something seems unimportant it will be later.

Onto the time jump...

Tagging:

@callsignwidow @lady-dragon-rider

[pitchsidestories]

You belong with me II Alanna Kennedy x Reader

masterlist I word count: 1516

a/n: we combined two requests for this oneshot, hope you guys like it !

As the social media manager of the Australian national team, you never got tired of working with the players to create new content together.

In that moment you were already focused by placing the big camera on the tripod in front of you, after that was done you looked up to Mackenzie Arnold, your girlfriend’s best friend, humming:” Ready?”

“Yes, fire your questions away.”, the goalkeeper responded smiling brightly at you.

Satisfied by her okay you clapped into your hands: ”Alright, let’s start.”

“Yes, please.”, the brunette nodded happily. You two were suddenly interrupted by Harper, who was running excitedly into the open arms of the player: ”Macca!”

“Hi Harper and Cait.”, Mackenzie greeted the intruders warmly.  

Noisily Caitlin Foord wanted to know from both of you:” What are you two doing?”

“Recording a video for the Matilda’s Instagram?”, you replied shrugging, because it was quite obvious for everyone to see what was going on here. 

In good spirits the goalkeeper explained:” It was supposed to be a quick round of questions.”  

“What questions?”, Katrina Gorrys’s daughter asked big eyed. Casually

Mackenzie shrugged her shoulders:” Just random questions?”

“Like?”, the toddler pressed on stubbornly.

Her curiosity was endearing to you, that’s why you patiently answered her:” Like who’s her favourite roommate and what’s her favourite food in camp.”

“It’s so obvious. I’m her favourite roommate because Lani sneaks out to be with you at night.”, the Arsenal forward said with a cheeky grin on her lips.

With a frustrated sigh you interrupted the conversation you have been filming since Harper appeared a few minutes ago:” Cut!”

“I thought we didn’t even start anyway.”, Mackenzie giggled confused.

Sheepishly you told her:” I already hit the record button.” “And she’s getting paid for that.”, Caitlin teasingly rolled her eyes at you.

Groaning you hid the face behind your hands: “Girls!” “What?”, the forward threw up an eyebrow.

Meanwhile Harper who realized you were filming them was now in her element, clapping her hands like she was the director of this set, exclaiming delighted:” And action.”

“See, they should pay her. She’s carrying our social media appearance.”, Caitlin remarked amused.

To your defense came Mackenzie who pointed out to one of her closest friends:” She does, but y/n always makes you look good in photos as you said earlier.”  “She does.”, the Arsenal player admitted.

Clearing your throat, you draw back the attention to the task which lay ahead of you all:” So who’s your favourite and worst roommate in camp.”

“They’re both going to kill me. Caitlin and Alanna but I’m not saying who is which.”, the goalkeeper responded with a wink to the camera.

You bit back a laugh and continued; “Okay, next question. What’s your favourite part of the training camp?“

Without missing a beat, Mackenzie answered; “Seeing the girls.“

“Awww!“, Caitlin cooed from somewhere next to you with a smirk.

The goalkeeper made a dismissive hand gesture in her direction; “Shut up. I’m talking about Mini and Harper!“

“Rude!“, Caitlin complained, laughing.

You shook your head at the two football players; “Girls, please!“

“Focus.“, Harper said as strictly as possible for a toddler and pointed her finger into Mackenzies direction.

You smiled at the little girl; “Thanks, Harper.“

Mackenzie looked at Caitlin in disbelief; “Can’t believe we’re getting called out by Harps!“

“She’s already a social media pro.“, you shrugged. Caitlin grinned; “We can tell.“

The filming was again interrupted by Katrina; “Oh, here she is!“ Harper immediately ran into her mothers arms who gently picked her up.

“Harper was in safe hands, Mini. I’m a keeper.“, Mackenzie commented, smiling about her own joke.

Caitlin rolled her eyes; “Worst joke ever, Macca.“ “Shush it. Time to go back to filming.“, the goalkeeper decided and you were more than happy to comply.

After you managed to film the video without any further interruptions, Alanna was impatiently waiting for you. With her arms crossed over her chest, she was playfully pouting; “You did a video without me?“

“It was Maccas turn.“, you explained matter-of-factly.

Mackenzie who left the room right behind you winked at her friend; “Yes, and it was fun. Even though Harper stole the show as usual.“

“She did.“, you agreed with a laugh. Alanna pretended to be shocked; “Rude.“

“Jealous that your girlfriend didn’t work with you today?“, Caitlin teased, closing the door of the hotel room that you used to film.

Unimpressed, Alanna shook her head; “She only does videos with you, guys.“

“So that’s a yes.“, Mackenzie concluded with raised eyebrows.

You eyed your girlfriend from the side while you remarked; “I mean at home she only takes photos with Leila recently. So it’s fair.“

The defenders jaw dropped open; “Don’t start with Leila now. You never want to be on my photos.“ “

Well, you never ask me.“, you continued.

Alanna retorted; “Don’t distract. You also never ask me to be in your little videos.“

“That’s something different.“

“Not at all!“

“We’ll talk about this later.“, you ended the discussing while fondly rolling you eyes about your girlfriends teasing.

“Fine.“ Your small dispute attracted some of the drama-loving Matildas.

Mary Fowler looked at you with curious eyes; “Trouble in paradise?“

“Yes, Mary. Obviously.“, Alanna shook her head, laughing. Kyra Cooney-Cross grimaced; “Trouble? No way, that’s our thing.“

Steph Catley shot her an inquisitive look; “What did you do again that we haven’t noticed yet?“

“What are you talking about, Steph?“, Alanna asked.

“Talking about Kyra. I think she was onto some mischief again.“, her fellow defender explained without taking her eyes off the younger player.

“I’m going to bed now. Good night, girls.”, you announced.

“Lani is she still pouting because of the Leila photos or is this just a thing you love to tease eachother with?”, curiously Mary turned to look at your girlfriend, expecting a dramatic reply.

“No, we’re just making fun.”, Alanna reassured the younger forward. 

“You two are such weirdos.”, Steph commented smirking.

Unimpressed by the teasing of the fellow Matilda’s she shook her head:” We’re cute.”

“Sometimes.”, Mary admitted.

Your girlfriend rolled her eyes: “You’re too young to have an opinion.”

“Rude.”, the younger player scoffed playfully.

The evening went on as usually, but Alanna decided to say goodnight to the team because she wanted to see you desperately after your dispute earlier.

When she came into your room you were already laying on the hotel bed, the only thing you were wearing was an old jersey of your girlfriend which was big enough on you to cover all the important parts. “Hi love.”, you hummed.  

Noticing your sleeping clothes Alanna lifted an eyebrow:” What are you trying to do?”

“These are my normal sleeping clothes.”, you answered innocently.

“You never sleep in my jersey.”, the Mancity player remarked. 

“Okay, fine, maybe I wanted to show you that I belong to you.”, you sighed.  

The blonde nodded slowly: “I do hope so.”  

“And you belong to me.”, you concluded with a seducing smile.

“I do?”, Alanna asked grinning while letting her eyes glance over your whole figure taking it all in.  

“Yes.”, you replied confidently, now looking at her the same way she did a few seconds ago.  

“I see.” cheekily she took your camera from the nightside table, I think it’s time for a couple photo.”

“Fair enough, through the mirror?”, you suggested beaming.

Shrugging her shoulders, Alanna agreed to it: “Fine. If you want it artsy.”  

“I do.”, you told her.

“Of course you do.”, the defender smirked at you. 

After a couple of tries to take the photos, you looked up to her:” Thanks, it turned out really cute, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I love it.”, she said equally satisfied with the photos and the pretty picture you two made together.

For a moment your girlfriend hesitated before adding:” Can we post it?”

“Sure.”

“Great.”, Alanna kissed you, afterwards she quickly posted it, the rest of the evening her focus was entirely on you.

The next day you were back taking photos of the Matilda’s during their training.

“Look who’s coming now.”, Hayley nodded in the direction from where Mackenzie, Alanna and Caitlin were arriving on the pitch side.

Immediately you were blushing, remember the night you had with the blonde defender, while taking a photo of the trio:” Name a better trio, Hayley. I’m waiting.”

“The powerpuff girls.”, the forward laughed. 

Jumping on to your back Kyra almost screamed into your ears:” Charli, Mini and me!”

“Nirvana.”, Ellie giggled.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”, you mumbled but couldn’t help to smile at all the answers the player had given.

“Don’t forget the Jonas brothers.”, Charli winked at you while pulling the young Arsenal midfielder away from you.  

“I’ll make this the next random question for a video.”, decided.

The Tottenham player immediately supported your idea:” You should.”

Meanwhile Alanna was hugging you from behind, whispering:” As long as you think we’re the best trio.”

“Always.”, you replied, turning around to kiss your girlfriend on her lips ignoring the howling noises Caitlin and Mackenzie made.

You were never more certain that you and Alanna belonged together.

[worldofkuro]

Painted Smile

Painted Smile XXXI

<- Previous Chapter I Next Chapter ->

Summary: You couldn't wait to meet new friends. What you didn't expect was this smiling little boy, only one year older than you, that would take such a big place in your life.

Notes: Aah… Those chapters are getting more and more enjoyable for me to write. I hope you will enjoy this once as well. Please, do give me your thoughts. Oh, also, congratulation.

Alice…

You woke up with a gasp, soaked in sweat. You sat up, hiding your face in your hand, trying to calm your breathing. Once again, you had that dream… You looked at the afternoon’s sunlight shining through your window.

It’s been a few months since Alice’s passing. Her funeral was beautiful but so.. heartbreaking.  You could still hear her father’s sobbing as he did his speech, talking about his daughter like she was still a little girl.  When you walked toward her coffin to see her one last time, you tried so hard not to break down, not when Trey was sitting not too far away from the scene.

Thank God Alastor stayed with you. He gave a speech that made you smile a little. He talked about Alice, saying she was like an annoying little sister he wished she could keep on annoying him. 

Then of course, came Alyzée. You didn’t tell her that Trey was the one who took Alice from her. You couldn’t. Not yet. She looked at Alice before turning her head toward the rest of the people, smiling even if tears were streaming down her face. She only said one sentence.

“ Alice won’t let her killer rest, she will make his life a living hell.”

She then stared at you and you could almost hear her, pleading for you to do justice. You knew Alice never told a soul about your killing’s hobbit, you knew that, she would never. But at that moment, you felt like you were alone with Alyzée, and Alice’s spirit, smiling at the both of you, like she was asking you to help each other to take revenge on her killer.

You hugged Alyzée as they lowered Alice in the ground, you shall never see her face again but in the picture you have taken.  She was sobbing against your chest but you were looking at Trey that was wiping his tears. That bastard was crying, he was crying even though he was the one who created this moment. He worked for it since you were a teenager, since you were fifteen years old

You felt Alastor’s hand on your eyes, whispering in your ears.

“ Don’t show darling. Not yet.” You nodded at his words, knowing your eyes were burning red. If you could, you would scream at everyone the murderer was crying on the grave he dug for his wife.

John gave a speech too. He seemed really sincere but you couldn’t trust your instinct right now. You never felt like Trey was a bad person, a monster. How could you trust your instincts now?

After the funeral, Alastor drove you home and your usual three spirits were waiting for you.

“ Little lady… I’m really sorry.” uttered Papa Legba, his usual warm smile no longer on his face. Your eyes welled up again but you just nodded toward him. Legba tried to help you against Trey, you were thankful for that. You looked at your shadow and Alastor’s as they were looking at you, clearly worried about you. 

“ Were you… the one making me.. levitating?” you asked, as Alastor made you sit on the sofa and went to make you a hot chocolate while listening to the conversation. 

“ As Alastor is  getting stronger, your power also goes up. Not as powerful as Alstor, but still impressive for you. Levitation is a new skill of yours. I did help you. I didn’t want you to use too much energy and pass out with this new power of yours.”

Alastor sat next to you, placing his hand on your knees, his eyes never leaving your form. You could hear him talking in your mind but you couldn’t understand anything he was saying. You just wanted to close your eyes and sleep.

But for Alice, you would stay strong, she was killed alone, scared, you couldn’t be this weak right now. You concentrated on Alastor’s voice in your mind.

‘Please, look at me…’

You turned your face toward your husband whose body relaxed when he saw your eyes on him. You knew Alastor was worrying about you and that made you feel bad. You smiled at him, it wasn’t your usual beaming smile but this smile was meant to say you were doing… okay. 

“ That was impressive, little missy. I thought you were going to kill this man.” laughed Kalfu, sitting on one of your chairs.

You clenched your fist when you heard Kalfu’s voice. You wondered if he knew that it was going to happen..?  You looked at Baron Samedi who was staying strangely quiet since you came back home.

“ Did you know..? Did you know about Trey?”

“ No.”

“ Would you have told me if you did?”

“ You aren’t my protégée…” said the spirit.

You nodded. You should feel angry but in a way… You could understand. you looked at Legba, already ready to ask the same question.

“ I didn’t know. My priority is your safety. When I’m in the spirit realm, I don’t care about what is going on, on earth.”

You nodded and then looked at Kalfu who was smirking at you, waiting for you to ask the question.

“ I know you wouldn’t have said anything.” you spat at him, Alastor squeezing your knees, making you calm down after your words.

“ I wouldn’t have even breathed a word, little missy.”

You leaned against Alastor, stroking both his shadow and yours. You could see they were worried and … sad? You looked as your shadow touched your belly with a worried frown. You gasped before holding your belly, making every head turn your way.

“ My… My baby..?”

“ It is safe.” Baron Samedi said, confident with a small smile. “ I healed it.”

Both you and Alastor looked at Baron Samedi, surprised. Well, you were surprised while you could see Alastor smirking like he knew it was going to happen, he seemed satisfied. Well, you weren’t surprised, Alastor always knew things before you even saw it. 

You made a deal with Baron Samedi for his powers, but unlike Papa Legba, you didn’t really have a close relationship… So why? Why did he save your baby? Did he want something in return?

“ I told you, didn’t I? I don’t like children dying. They should live for as long as they can. I won’t ask anything in return, it was a selfish wish.” 

“ And Alice’s baby..?”

Baron Samedi sat on the floor, smoking his cigar. You knew you were looking at him like it was his fault, and you knew that he knew what you were thinking. He was the spirit that was handling the dead, he was the one saying that this person could die, or this person should stay on earth. So why? Why did Alice and her baby have to die?

“ Because her soul wasn’t mine to collect.” Baron Samedi sighed. “ The baby and.. Alice’s soul has been used for a ritual. That’s what I felt. Trey earned more power by this kill… Even if I think he only wished for the child’s death.”

“ And you can’t do anything about it?” Asked Alastor.

“ I could. We all can. But this is a silent law, if a soul is spoken for, you don’t touch it. The soul has to reach for you for us to be able to do something.” Baron Samedi sighed. “ I don’t even think Samael knows he has souls that are spoken on his name…” 

You frowned, did that mean Alice belonged to the devil? How terrified she must feel !

“ Can we save her soul?” you asked, a new fire burning inside of you.

“ Haha! Go to hell, little missy. Maybe you will be able to do something against Lucifer.” Kalfu laughed mockingly. You wondered how you didn’t jump at the spirit to strangle him… Maybe because Alastor's hand was still stroking your leg, keeping you attached to him.

“ But…”

“ I’m sorry, little lady. Alice’s life was meant to end sooner than she expected. She lived well,even if her love for this dame, Alyzée, was just like a spring flower, attached to the ground,  who wished to love a leaf attached to a tree’s branches. They both loved each other unconditionally, but winter came. The flower died, but the leaf still weakly attached to the tree shall stay strong before meeting the flower in death.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until Legba’s gentle hand stroked your cheek. His warm smile was once more on his lips.

“ You don’t have to feel guilty. Alice was a beautiful flower.”

You cried in Legba’s arms, and you were quite surprised that Alastor didn’t stop Legba from touching you. But then, Papa Legba’s had always been like a grandfather to you, he helped you, even when you didn’t ask for it,he  listened to your worries and protected you…Hearing his gentle words about your friend healed something inside you.

He then took a step back and you watched as the three spirits were standing in front of you and Alastor, they seemed powerful, menacing for some, welcome for others.

“ No matter what way you are choosing, we shall help you.” 

When they vanished, Alastor and you took a warm bath. Alastor asked you if you wanted him to stay with you, if he should take a break from work but you kissed him, saying you shouldn’t show any kind of weakness about Trey. He stared at you before smiling at you.

“ Let me handle it. At least, let me do my hunt alone.” He whispered against your naked skin. You closed your eyes before nodding, you knew he would find any information about Trey before coming to you with a plan to dispose of him.

And this is where you were now, months after this nightmare. Your belly had grown bigger, and you felt your baby move inside of you. The first time it happened, you screamed so loudly that Alastor almost tripped as he ran toward you. His shadow was already at your side, snarling at everything and anything. 

His eyes were burning red as he entered your room and you gestured him to come closer, placing his hand on your belly. He seemed confused, still smiling, but when he felt your baby kick, he gasped, taking back his hand. His shadow, though, was eagerly touching your stomach, with childish curiosity.

Alastor’s eyes were wide, his stare not leaving your belly. You giggled as he touched your belly once more. He seemed so lost, like he was finally understanding that he was going to be a father, that you both created something that was living.

Baron Samedi stayed with you a lot during your pregnancy, when you asked him why, he would always tell you he loved seeing pregnant women. For him, it was the most beautiful faith in humanity: Creating life.

You kept Eamon by your side, always hugging it against your chest. It would help with your emotional burst sometimes. Alastor had to go to work of course, and you enjoyed listening to his voice through the radio.

Alyzée would come, in the beginning you were both seeing each other to grieve Alice, now, even if Alice’s death was looming above your head, you were able to talk about simple things without bursting into tears. 

You left the bed, taking Eamon with you and smiled as your shadow followed you quickly, looking at your belly. You walked down the stairs, Alastor’s shadow touching you to stop you if you were to fall. Because yes, Alastor said he would keep working but his shadow shall stay with you until your pregnancy was over.

You thanked it before walking into the living room. Your back was hurting, so you laid down on the couch. You couldn’t wait for Alastor to come back home and massage your legs, your back and your feet. You closed your eyes, ready to sleep some more before you heard someone knocking. You opened one eye, was Alyzée already there?

You stood up and walked toward the door and opened it before slamming it closed.

John.

John was here.

Should you kill him?

“ Please… I.. I want to ask you  questions about my cousin.”

You peeked at your shadow and Alastor’s which were ready to throw themselves to the man but you stopped them with your hand. You closed your eyes before opening the door once again. You knew John would never hurt you, so you shall fetch some information.

“ Come in.” You said, holding Eamon against you before walking into the living room. you wouldn’t give him coffee or things to eat, he could chock, you didn’t care.

“ I see you still have that plushie… It still looks great.” John said, trying to look calm but you could almost smell how nervous he was. You sat on your rocking chair, staring at him as he stayed standing in the middle of the living room. “ I.. I.. Can I sit?”

You scoffed before gesturing to him to sit on the sofa. You would have to clean it as soon as he left.

“How is your pregnancy going? From what your father said, it's almost time…” He observed, smiling at you even if you could see it was a little strained. You rolled your eyes at him.

“ Talk, what are you here for?”

“ I.. Okay. As you know, I have taken Alice’s case,” you flinched when you heard his voice saying your friend’s name, “ but.. I have nothing. It’s like the killer walked into the place, like they owned it, killed Alice and then left.” You looked at him like he was the dirt under your heels. “ I know, you must think: Ask her husband. But… He can’t have done that–”

“ If you don’t believe me, then leave.”

“ Please, wait! It’s just… My cousin– Trey Felleur was seen in Terrytown with his coworkers. He has an alibi. So… After looking for any other suspects… it leaves me with.. you.” He winced when he saw your expression turn from confused to angry. Wait, wait… Trey was seen somewhere else the night of the murder..? Wait, did John just said–

“ Are you telling me you are suspecting me… to have killed Alice?” You asked, as calmly as you could.

“ You knew the house like it was yours! You were at the murder scene before my cousin according to what he said.  And I’m sure Alice knew that Alastor was a murderer.” John spat staring at you.

You stayed composed. You didn't know if John had real clues against Alastor or it was his obsession with you and your husband that drove him to this conclusion.

“ Clue, John. Give me clues and Maybe I shall listen to your nonsense.”

“ I went to his old house in the forest. I dig once more where you stopped me once. Under the deer bones, there were human’s bones. I’m sure it’s his fathers. He killed him and then buried him, here!” He said with a big smile, like this would make you believe him.

“ Why didn’t you go to the police then?” You asked before smirking when you saw him looking away. “ Because you knew you trespassed again. You knew no one would listen to you.”

“ But you… You want to know the truth, right…?” He stared at you. “ So you will help me. We will make it seem like you found the corpse and you came to me because we used to be friends and then we can lock down Alastor for good.”

You tried to keep yourself from laughing. It was almost cute… 

“ What if I don’t?”

“ Then, I’ll think you killed Alice with Alastor and you tried to protect him.” He spat. You frowned, you didn’t know if John could have you arrested because of that… Would he? You bit your lips, damn it! How were you supposed to play?

“What do you say, Mrs Sanglar?” he asked.

“ I say you should leave my dear daughter in law alone.”

You both turned your head toward Marie who was standing near the door of the living room, looking at John with a frown.

“ Mister John Felleur, was it ? I think this is not the first time I hear you trespassing on my property. I shall ask my dear daughter's father for help.” 

You smiled at Marie as John’s face fell. He grimaced before standing for the sofa, took his hat before leaving, saying his offer was still opened for you. Marie stared at him until he closed the door and went quickly toward you as you sighed.

“Are you okay, sweetie?”

“ I’m okay Marie, he just… upset me.”

“ Well, I can understand. From what I hear, he was quite an impolite man!” She said, frowning. You smiled at her, you were thankful for Marie. She and your mother always came to check on you when you didn’t feel like leaving your house. Marie talked with you, and even told you she began to work with spirit since you told her Trey was the killer. She said you needed protection so she asked the spirit to protect you if you were to be in danger in the forest. That warmed your heart.

You both talked, sitting under the porch, until you saw Alastor’s car coming. You sighed in relief as your husband stopped the car and walked toward you. He hugged his mother before kissing your forehead.  Marie didn’t stay for dinner, she already agreed to dine with your mother. She kissed your cheeks, like she used to do when you were just a child before Alastor drove her toward her destination.

You walked inside your home and decided to do something light for dinner. You stroke your belly with a small smile.

“ What should we prepare for Daddy, huh?”

You felt your baby kick you and you laughed, caressing the spot where you felt its foot. Maybe you should do a salade de fruit. It would be fresh and you had enough ingredients to make a lot of it. And you craved it so bad you might eat it all, then cry and Alastor would have to comfort you, saying he didn’t want a Salade de fruit so you could eat his part. 

Hum…

You began to cut the fruit, Alastor’s shadow helping you while your shadow was caressing your baby, trying to smooth it. You didn’t know why but it seemed like your child was reckless today.

You lifted your head when you heard Alastor coming home. He walked toward you and hugged you from behind, kissing your neck before lifting slightly your belly. You moaned when you felt the weight being taken away from you. You almost cry because of the sensation. Where did Alastor learn that..?

You turned your head toward him to ask him but he kissed you. A kiss so gentle you felt like you were walking on clouds. You turned around and crapped your arms around his shoulder, kissing him back with the same gentleness he was giving you. You almost whined when you felt him step back.

“ Mhn?” He looked at his shadow. “ John was here?”

“ Oh, yes… Let me tell you.”

You both sat on the sofa in the living room, eating your salade de fruit, Alastor already giving up his bowl to you as you already finished your second bowl while telling him what happened. You smiled as he made a face so fakely shocked that you couldn’t help but laugh.

“ He didn’t. How could he think I did this all alone? I was helped by an angel.” He said, smiling as he kissed the back of your hand. You giggled as he began to talk about you like you were the strongest person that managed to take down all of your foes. 

“ An angel, huh?” you smirked as you ate from Alastor’s bowl.

“ A fallen angel then. I saw you flying high in the sky… you seemed so out of reach, you seemed to enjoy yourself..” you looked at him as he seemed lost in his own thoughts. “ So of course, I had to drag you down to me so I could admire you closer.” He smirked down at you. “ You didn't really try to run away, dearest…”

“ Well, maybe it was because I saw you down there. I was curious, you looked almost as proud as if you could fly yourself. So when you decided to take me, I accepted because I didn’t want to fly in a sky where you weren’t.” You smiled at him.

You saw his pupils dilate before he squeezed you in his arms, being mindful of your belly. You laughed as he bit your shoulder and your neck. You knew he liked to do that when you overwhelmed him with your words or your actions.

“ Alastor… How is our child going to be? I wondered…” You looked at the ceiling as you felt your husband’s hand on your belly.

“ Mhn… Let's say. for their own good, they should have your innocent face so they can easily trick people. They should have my way with words. Darling, you are too emotional sometimes, so they should have my patience…” He mused as he looked at you.

“ Mhn… Are we going to show them Voodoo..?”

Alastor stayed silent for some minutes, which gave you time to  nuzzle against him, waiting for his answer. You wished for your child to know about Voodoo, it was Alastor’s culture and… You would be kind of sad if your baby couldn’t interact with Papa Legba or your shadow…

“ Mhn… I… Would you?” He asked you, his voice a soft whisper. You smiled, you didn't know Alastor was still unsure about how you would perceive him depending on his answers…

“I would.”

“ Well, that’s perfect! Because I think they should work with Kalfu because–”

“ No way Alastor, our baby isn’t going to work with Kalfu.” you said, looking at him in the eyes. He almost pouted which almost mad you grin.

“ But, they would work with a powerful spirit,” he mumbled. “ don’t you think? For their security?”

“ They could work with Papa Legba.” You said, with a happy grin. Alastor rolled his eyes at you, making you laugh. You kissed his cheek and you both kept talking about your child’s future until it was time to go to bed. You took Eamon with you and walked toward your bedroom.

You changed into your nightclothes and then you went under the cover, laying on your back. You couldn’t wait to lay on your belly once again… You turned your head toward Alastor who laid next to you with a book in his hand, reading. You closed your eyes and fell asleep with a little smile.

You woke up with a gasp, soaked in sweat. You sat up as you groaned in pain. Damn it, maybe eating so much fruit was a mistake…

“ Darling?”

You looked next to you and find Alastor, still reading his book. How much did you sleep? You groaned as you felt pain in your stomach once more. You took the blanket off you, you needed to go to the bathroom.

“ Fuck…”

You looked at Alastor, surprised. He wasn’t the man to use bad words like this. You almost laughed but you were soaking wet, you needed a shower… and the bathroom. But as you tried to stand up you froze when you saw the mess between your legs.

It felt like time froze, nor you or Alastor was moving, you could only hear the noise from the clock.

Tic-tac tic-tac…

“ Water, my Alastor broke!” you screamed, completely scared out of your mind. You didn’t know what to do, how to do it ? You heard Alastor stumbling out of bed before ordering his shadow to take your things as he kneeled next to you.

“ Alright darling, breathe with me okay? You are okay, you are splendid.”

“ Alastor!” You screamed in pain.

“ Of course.” He stood up and carried you in his arms, running toward his car, being mindful of your shaking form. You could see his shadow moving around the wall and taking everything it deemed necessary for you. Did it just take a candle--? 

You screamed in pain once more. Damn it, being almost slashed was less painful ! Alastor placed you in the car and drove to the nearest hospital while trying to calm you. You looked at his shadow which gave you Eamon as you screamed in the car. The shadow looked so scared, it was cute. You wanted to smile at him as you took Eamon but another contraction made you scream.

Damn it!

You tried to breathe like Alastor was telling you but then you didn’t know why you felt panic. Where was your shadow? You haven't seen it since the pain began? Where was it ? 

“ Where is it?” you shouted.

“ What? What is where?” asked Alastor as he kept a hand on your knee and the other one on the steering wheel. 

“ My shadow !” You cried, squeezing Eamon against you so hard you were almost afraid to hurt it.

“ It’s not important right now, darling.” said Alastor, his smile strained.

“ I want my shadow!” You hollered not even caring that you were making a tantrum about your shadow while your baby was literally on its way.

Alastor stopped in front of the hospital, left the car before taking you in his arms and running inside the building. You didn’t really know what happened, you could hear shouts and sweet words as you were being taken into a room too white for its own good. You could feel people spreading your legs, touching you, what was going on? Where was Alastor ?

“ Where is my husband?” You yelled. A nurse told you they made him wait in the corridor. “ Bring him here!” you grabbed her collar before letting her go look for your husband. You cried as your head hit the pillow , when were you put into a bed? You wanted this pain to end.

You then felt a hand on your skin and you knew who it belonged to. You opened your eyes and smiled weakly at Alastor, he was smiling but it seemed like it was taking everything out of him to keep this facade.

“ Alastor..!” You cried as he kissed you multiple times before kissing your hand.

“ Darling, no matter what happened… Stay here for me.” He pleaded with his eyes and then you realize… Alastor was scared that you wouldn’t make it. That you would die during childbirth. You grabbed his hand with your, smiling at him with a new fire burning inside of you.

“ I will stay…” You choked out those words.” I won’t leave you..” You screamed as pain was too intolerable. You heard a nurse ordering you to push but damn it you couldn’t even feel your legs…!

You would stay..

‘ You will be by my side.’

I will stay, nothing will separate us.

You pushed each time the nurses were telling you to do it. But it was getting harder and harder and you were getting more tired as time was passing.. You felt like you weren’t in your body anymore… You felt so tired…

“ She is bleeding too much, call the doctors!”

‘  Nothing can tear us apart. I dragged you on earth with me. You are my only light. You are my sanity.’

“ Miss, please just a little more! Don’t give up!”

I joined you… Because I wanted to live this life with you… And the next one too…

‘ Darling..?’

Alastor…

Cries.

You could hear cries.

You turned your head weakly toward Alastor that was grabbing your hand so hard it was shaking. His head was down, his forehead against yours hands. He didn’t seem to be the one crying…

“ Congratulations, Mrs and Mr Sanglar! You are the parent to a healthy and lovely girl!”

A girl..?

You turned your head toward the nurse that was cradling something in her arms..

A girl..

Your eyes widened sighly.

Your baby girl.

 You took your baby that was crying against your chest and you couldn’t help but cry too. You did it… You made it.. You looked at Alastor who hadn't moved one bit. You couldn’t talk, you were crying but you were too tired to make any other noises.

Alastor… We have a girl…

Alastor’s head jerked up and he stared at you with his eyes wide open. He stared at you and only you. You smiled at him as you closed one eye, trying to reassure him. You were not gone. You saw his body relaxed and he kissed your forehead, pushing his lips hard against your skin.

You looked at your baby girl who stopped crying. You looked at her with so much pride. She opened her eyes, and you saw her beautiful eyes.

“ She has my eyes…” Alastor whispered, astonished. You looked at him, tears in your eyes. 

“ You seem surprised…” you whispered, your voice hoarse from your screaming.

“ No… it’s just…I mean.. The way they shine… It’s definitely from you. “ You watched as your husband looked at your daughter. She was looking at you both, recognizing your voices. You kissed your baby with a shaking sigh. She was here… Finally…

You looked around as the nurses were busy with you didn’t know what. You smiled a little as you saw Papa Legba, on the corner of the room, looking at you with pride. You watched as Baron Samedi smiled widely at you, giving you a nod of appreciation. Kalfu smirked and winked at you, making you chuckle. They vanished when the nurse came to you.

“ She is beautiful, how should you name her?”

You looked at Alastor who was staring at you. You both have talked about multiple names depending on the gender of your baby. And now, as your baby was looking at you and Alastor, you were sure of yourself.

“ Yes… she shall be named…

Alice.” 

Tag List: @lukneetoonz @martinys-world @littlepoetnova @sirens-and-moonflowers @eris-norwega @tiredflame132 @mo-0-o @vvollerie @sodavizz @boogiemansbitch @tessemerick @slytherin4ever @kammsinn @alastorssimp @t0xic1vi @diamond-almond @fangirlbitch02 @saccharine-nectarine @thenorthnightingale @bibliophile-yomna @itzjustj-1000 @mothraantics @yourdoorisunlocked @phamtasic @karmakillz @holographicage @sarcastic-sourwolf @akuraluna2468 @everwolf-20 @thesunandmoons-blog @songbrita @noraunor @fandomsbookclub @hokkaido97 @catticora @gasiacos @charlottemorningstarsdarling @nekee-lilac02

[fanfoolishness]

Determination

Liesl Ingellvar attempts to figure out the puzzle that is Lucanis... with a little help. Set immediately after the almost-kiss. Rook x Lucanis, girl talk with Bellara, honesty and romance and adult conversations and fluff, 2223 words.

-

Liesl slumped down on Bellara’s cot, burying her face in her hands. “I’ve really messed things up.”

”No! I don’t think so,” said Bellara. “Start from the beginning!” She leaned forward, deeply intrigued, clearly as riveted as if it was one of her serials.

Liesl took a deep breath, trying to get it straight. It had only happened an hour ago. How did it seem like so much to remember? She thought back to Nevarra and to working through tricky spirit problems, one step at a time, finding the solution. She felt herself growing calmer. She was patient. She could figure this out. 

But it would probably be a little easier with a friend to be a sounding board.

”Spite had taken control of him again,” Liesl began. “He wanted to talk to me, and he was even more agitated than usual.” It always saddened her, seeing how Spite flailed and struggled in Lucanis’ body, how roughly Lucanis was forced to wrest back control. “It’s so unfair, Bellara. They’re both so miserable like that.”

“I know, Rook. It’s a terrible thing that was done to them,” Bellara said, shaking her head. “Did Spite do something? What happened next?”

“No. I waited for Spite to settle down. I knew Lucanis would want to know that he’d been safe, that he hadn’t hurt anything while he was sleepwalking.” She sighed, remembering the shame in his eyes; no matter how many times they contained Spite, Lucanis always came back to himself with that same expression. “He told me he was sorry, that he hadn’t wanted me to see him that way again.”

Bellara rested her chin on her hand, thinking. “Well, it’s not great that Spite was taking control, but it seems positive that Lucanis cares about what you think, right? Because he does. I mean, that’s been obvious for weeks. Neve and I called it ages ago!”

Liesl felt her cheeks warm, a faint smile raising her lips. “I thought so too.” So she hadn’t been imagining things these past several weeks, the way he so often turned to see her reaction to things. He weighed everyone’s words and actions carefully, an extension perhaps of his assassin’s training, discerning every detail in case it came in use later -- but he always seemed to linger on hers most of all.

“I told him I didn’t mind. And I don’t. I worry for both of them, but that’s different than it being a non-starter,” Liesl said earnestly. “You know how I feel about spirits. In the Watch we see all kinds of existences on mortal and immortal planes. I can see many ways both of them can heal.” She paused for a moment, giving Bellara a sheepish look. “I suppose it’s naive of me.”

Bellara waved a hand. “I’ve had my share of exes with… interesting issues,” she chuckled. “I get it. We all have baggage. His just glows more than most people’s.”

Liesl laughed, feeling a little better. “Very glowy indeed.” She leaned back on the cot, folding her legs up underneath her and holding out her hands to gesture. “All right. So I may have flirted a bit when I told him I didn’t mind everything with Spite, and he said ‘you deserve more than to deal with my mess.’”

“Aww!” Bellara said. “Was he trying to do the noble push you away because he’s too broody thing?”

“The very same,” Liesl said. “And it wasn’t a line like in a romance. He truly meant it.”

“How could you tell?”

“He’s a terrible liar.” She stopped. Her own words struck her like a blow. He’s a terrible liar.

What had those bedroom eyes, that lean against the wall, that almost kiss been but -- but a lie? An act?

Her mind whirled. “I’ve just realized something.”

“What?”

“I thought he was going to kiss me back there. He was suddenly so suave, so seductive -- it was absolutely fiery, I won’t lie, and I was so ready to take him up on it -- but -- that’s not him, Bel.” She let out a long breath. “He tried. And he couldn’t. And that’s when he backed off, said he had to clear his head, and he practically ran out of there. I saw him up on the steps outside, just… looking out at the Fade. Like he didn’t know what to do with himself.” She chewed on her lower lip, concerned for him. “I think maybe it wasn’t my fault. Maybe he scared himself. He was doing something he didn’t fully believe in.”

Bellara leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest and considering one of the many whirling enchantments dangling overhead. “I think you’re onto something.”

Liesl cracked a smile. “Now you sound like Neve.”

“Ooh, really? Thanks, Rook!” she laughed. “But let’s take it rationally. Have we ever heard Lucanis talk about a lover? Or a fling? Or… anyone, really, that way?”

“No. Everything has been the Crows, or the Ossuary, or family, or cooking. Or wyverns. He is very into wyverns,” Liesl said. “It’s… very cute, actually. I don’t know when I’m going to tell him where I got my scars.”

“You haven’t told him about the possessed wyvern of the Silent Plains? Shit, I remember hearing about that at the last Arlathven!” Bellara said in disbelief. “I mean, I didn’t know I’d meet you someday! But Clan Meridwhen thought you were amazing. We all heard the stories of the Dalish Mourn Watcher and the wyvern.”

“Well, really I got my ass kicked. Kind of embarrassing to know how far that story traveled!” Liesl said, reaching up to rub at one of the wide scars crossing her face. Even years later, the texture of her skin felt different, both thinner and more leathery than the rest of the cheek surrounding it. She shook her head, chuckling. “But anyway. No, I’ve never heard Lucanis talk like that about anyone. Even Illario hasn’t mentioned anything. I had assumed he was simply very private about such things.”

“Or maybe he’s never really had the chance,” Bellara said. “It sounds like his life was plotted out from day one. Maybe he never had the time, or the interest. And now he does, with Spite and the gods and everything going on --”

“And he doesn’t know where to begin.” She nodded to herself. The thought felt right. She’d gone backwards and forwards over what she’d said to him, and hadn’t been able to find where she could have scared him off. But she’d seen how harshly he judged himself in everything. Maybe this was like that, too. 

“You have a wild look in your eye, Rook,” Bellara said.

“Call it… determination.”

---

She thought she might have to search all over the Lighthouse for him. He wasn’t in the kitchen or his little pantry room, nor up the stairs, hiding out on his own. He wasn’t in the courtyard or in the meeting room. She thought of going round to everyone’s rooms until she found him, but she’d already pulled Bellara into this as her confidante, and she didn’t need everyone giggling about them. She decided to head back to her quarters for now, but to look for him after dinner. No matter what, they would figure this out today. Whether it was what she hoped for or the alternative, they needed to settle this, and she would see it done.

Except he was already there in her room, sitting on the settee, the line of his shoulders stiff and awkward and uncomfortable. He did not turn to look at her, although she cleared her throat as she entered. She sniffed the air, her heart thumping.

Cioccalata calda.

She sat down beside him, the silence stretching. He stared across the way at the Antivan coffee maker she had hauled in and set up with his help. Two cups sat before him, one empty with just the dregs of black coffee remaining, the other full. She reached out to touch her cup. Cold. 

She channeled a little fire between her fingertips, and the cioccalata calda steamed for her, its scent rich and full once more. She took the cup into her hands and took a careful sip, blowing on it first. It was delicious, even better than it had been at his favorite cafe.

“It’s wonderful,” she said, breaking the silence and turning to face him.

Lucanis tried to smile, but it was as if his mouth didn’t quite work. It was as stiff as his shoulders. “I am sorry it got cold. I did not get the timing right, it seems.”

“It’s all right,” Liesl said. “See? Good as new.” She took another sip, relishing the deep chocolate flavor, the warmth it built in her chest. Her leg shivered slightly with nerves, and she set the cup down before she could accidentally jitter it. “Lucanis --”

“Forgive me, Rook,” he said, ducking his head.

“For what?” she asked softly. “For flirting? For things… heating up? Or for stepping aside?”

“All of it,” he said miserably, still looking away from her.

She reached out to touch him, but hesitated, remembering how he’d stiffened when she brushed her finger against his chest. She’d thought then he was simply excited, but now she wasn’t so sure. She stopped, her hand hovering above his arm. “Is it all right if -- if I touch you?”

Lucanis turned back to her, eyes wide with a mixture of trepidation and want. “I… think I want you to. But I don’t know. And it is killing me.”

She let her hand fall back to her lap, despite how much she wanted to lay it along his arm. “What do you want, truly? I care about you, Lucanis. As a friend. As a member of this team. And as something more.” She gave him a crooked smile. “I’d like to… explore that with you. But if you’d rather we stay -- teammates -- I can do that.” The thought made her stomach sink, but if he didn’t want this, she needed to know. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

“I care about you, Rook,” he said, his dark brown eyes as earnest as ever. “I do. Even if I do not know how to show it.” He closed his eyes, rubbing at his face with one hand. “All of this is… new to me. You should be with someone who knows how --”

“Shh,” Liesl said. “You do show it.” She glanced down at her cup, the steam still wafting the sweet scent of chocolate. “Maybe we show it in different ways. Or on different schedules. But I’d like to figure it out with you.”

He smiled, disbelieving. “Could you really be that patient?”

Relief flooded through her. He did want this, and if he needed things on different terms or a different pace, she could do that. She could do it in spades. 

“Lucanis, I’m a Mourn Watcher. Some of our rituals take months to do properly. I can be patient, when it’s worth it.” She picked up the cup of cioccalata calda again and finished it, sighing contentedly. “Do you understand?”

He tilted his head, regarding her with that soft look she was starting to realize he only wore for her. “You are certainly worth it.”

“Right back at you. Believe it or not.”

He laughed then, a real and solid laugh, the sort that made his eyes crinkle and her knees go weak. “There you go again.”

“Parting the clouds of doom?” she asked playfully.

“It is your specialty. One I can hardly believe I deserve.” He smiled again. “I have kept you long enough. I should go.” He reached out to take the empty cup from her hand, cupping one hand around its outer edge. Then he reached up with his other hand, laying it haltingly over her own. 

He was trembling. So was she, if she was to be honest. She looked into his face, checking for the confident mask he’d tried to wear earlier, for a sign that this wasn’t really what he wanted. But his face was open and trusting, raw and vulnerable in a way she could scarcely bear. She swallowed, drinking in the moment.

His hand was warm, callused, strong against hers. His thumb shyly caressed the back of her hand, stroking soft arcs across her skin. One breath, two, three. She ached for more, and yet was wholly satisfied with this moment, with him.

He nodded, then carefully took the cup from her hand, breaking the connection. She let out a long, slow breath and was gratified to see him do the same.

Lucanis reached out with his other hand, taking his empty coffee cup and getting to his feet. He gazed down at her. “I like your plan.”

“Which plan is that?” Liesl asked, leaning back. She beamed at him.

“To figure this out… Together,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.

“Ah,” Liesl said. “Yes. That.” She held his gaze for a moment longer, her giddy grin going suddenly shy.

“Thank you, Rook.” He turned and walked away, a clear lightness in his step.

Liesl sank back onto the settee, closing her eyes, picturing Lucanis’s deep brown eyes, the touch of his hand, the warmth of his smile. 

Ah. That had gone rather well.

She couldn’t wait to tell Bellara.

[tac-the-unseen]

What the Lost Boys think of vampire related media pt.2

After your last vamp media talk you had more questions you absolutely needed the answers to. Some of those answers came more naturally than you thought.

What we do in the Shadows:

-This is their absolute favorite show. It's just something they can all sit down to watch and get a nice laugh.

-David was actually the one that suggested it to the group

-He thinks it's about as close to what being a really vampire is like.

-You brought up your last conversation about why no vampire media could be so close to the real thing and he quickly responded with “Vampires are made up to be these gross demon creatures with no self control, when in fact most vampires were just normal humans going about their life.”

-He knew that no one in this show actually knows any vampires because of inconsistencies, but it's as close to it as they can all get without having to kill anyone for it.

-”Are you off your tits, boy?” “He is.”

-Paul quotes the show all the damn time (And so do the others but he is the main culprit.)

-you actually can't get him to stop

-”I became a vampire to suck blood and to fuck forever.”

-”No fuck off. Can't be side tracked with cheap sex potions.”

-Need an answer to any questions? Paul will respond with “Coprophilia.”

-Marko is giggling at Paul's quotes and answers with his own

-”Pizza pie” :D

-”He's my sweet cheese!”

-”She speaks the bullshit.”

-His favorite character is Nadja of course

-You have to pry him away from the T.V if you need him to do something else

-Dwayne will stop whatever he's doing if you offer to watch WWDITS with him

-He loves the historical references and gags

-He relates to Guillermo most of the time, being one of the voices of reason in his Chaos Coven

-”i was thinking w-” “we should finish each other off and tell no one?” “I’m game if you are.” ✨Spooky music✨

•This show is permanently engraved into their brain

•You can take the boys out of WWDITS but you can not take the WWDITS out of the boys

Hotel Transylvania:

-Paul squints at the T.V “This has to be a crime to watch.”

-Dwayne without turning away from the T.V “Dracula is going to go ape shit when he sees this “

-David eats his popcorn slowly “at least there is other monsters in this movie.”

-Marko is giggling at the Blob and Scream Cheese “I fucking love kids movies.”

-All of them hated the village scene though.

Kid vampire:

-They all watch it because Laddie wanted them too

-All you can hear for the next few days is “Kid Vampire!” in that accent

-David and Dwayne thought the bogger nose bleed drink was absolutely disgusting.

-Like to the point the both gagged.

-Paul thinks it a cute little project

-Marko likes how they say ‘blood’

-Dwayne uses the song “Vampire brush” to get Laddie to brush his teeth

Monster High:

-Marko and Paul sing the theme song semi consistently

-”Monster-monster high! monster high! monster-monster high! Freaky, sheek, and fly, monster high, where student bodies lay.”

-”We got spirits, yes we do! We got spirits, how bout you!?”

-This is another show they all watch with Laddie

-David isn't a raving fan, but he can stand it

-”Draculaura is a bit of a lazy name.” “Clawdeen wolf? Lagona blue? Cleo De Nile? Everyone has a lazy name because it's a kids show!”

-Dwayne is secretly into it and asks Laddie to watch it with him so he has an excuse

Thanks for reading <3

Yes I saw the comment you wanted me to see. Don't think I was ignoring you, I just had to find other media to talk about. (I stalk my own page like a Hyena. It's a little sad tbh lmao)

[i2rizz]

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?

Fandom: Blue Lock

Characters: Nagi x reader

Based on the song of Arctic monkeys🤭

Angst i guess?

------------‐---------------------------------------

The phone buzzed on your nightstand for the third time in a row. You stared at the screen, the light illuminating your dark room as Nagi’s name flashed across the display. A sigh escaped your lips. You didn’t even need to pick up to know where this was going.

You swiped to answer anyway.

“...Hey,” his voice came through, slightly slurred, dragging the word out like he had all the time in the world.

“Nagi,” you started, already weary. “What time is it?”

A faint chuckle. “Uh, I dunno. Late?”

“It's 2 a.m.,” you clarified, rubbing your temples.

“Yeah, so? You’re awake,” he said lazily, as if that was a perfectly valid excuse for waking you.

You heard the familiar noise of background chatter and the bass of some party music, muffled but ever-present. Nagi must’ve stepped out for some air—or, more likely, to make this call.

“What do you want?” you asked, trying to sound indifferent, though a twinge of irritation bled through.

“Just wanted to hear your voice.” His tone was nonchalant, but you knew better.

“Are you drunk?”

“Maybe,” he admitted with a low laugh. “Does it matter?”

Yes. It mattered a lot.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. The calls always came late at night, right when you were starting to feel okay about the distance that had grown between you two. Nagi was someone you once thought you understood completely—a quiet, laid-back guy who didn’t seem to need much from the world. But lately, he’d become a ghost of himself during the day and a restless spirit at night, always reaching out to you when he wasn’t sober enough to hold back.

“I’m not doing this again, Nagi,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Doing what?”

“This—whatever this is. You call me at ungodly hours, barely coherent, and expect me to just... what? Wait for you?”

He was silent for a beat, the sound of the distant party filling the gap.

“Dunno,” he said finally. “I just—everything’s loud here. You’re not.”

It wasn’t a compliment; it was an excuse.

“Do you even realize how unfair this is?” you continued, feeling a knot of frustration and sadness build in your chest. “You ignore me all day, but when you’re high, I’m suddenly worth your time?”

“I’m not ignoring you,” he mumbled, but the words were weak, lacking conviction.

“You could’ve fooled me,” you said, voice cracking slightly despite your efforts to stay calm.

There was another pause. You could hear him shifting, maybe leaning against a wall or the side of a car.

“...I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and for the first time, it sounded genuine.

But it wasn’t enough.

“Nagi, you can’t keep doing this. Calling me in the middle of the night doesn’t fix anything. It just hurts more.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

The vulnerability in his tone made your resolve falter. You hated how much you still cared, how much you wanted to believe there was something salvageable in whatever was left between you two.

“Why do you even call me?” you asked softly, more for yourself than for him.

“Because you’re the only one who gets me,” he said without hesitation. “Everyone else... it’s just noise.”

You closed your eyes, letting his words sink in. It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like this, but tonight, it hit differently. Maybe because you wanted to believe it was true.

“Then why don’t you talk to me during the day? When you’re sober?”

“I don’t know how,” he admitted. “I suck at... everything, really.”

A bitter laugh escaped you. “You don’t suck at soccer.”

“Yeah, well. That’s the only thing I’m good at.”

The conversation drifted into silence, heavy with unspoken emotions. Part of you wanted to hang up, to finally put an end to this exhausting cycle. But another part of you—the part that still cared too much—couldn’t bring yourself to let go.

“Nagi,” you said finally, voice softer now. “I can’t keep being your escape. I need more than this. We both do.”

He didn’t respond right away, and for a moment, you thought he might’ve hung up. But then he spoke, his voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear it.

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

The words hung in the air like a fragile promise, one that you weren’t sure he could keep.

“You already have,” you said, tears stinging your eyes as you ended the call.

The phone sat silent on your nightstand, no longer buzzing with calls or texts. You stared at it for a while, wondering if he’d try again. But deep down, you knew this was the end of the line—at least for now.

Nagi might’ve needed you, but you needed someone who could show up when it mattered most.

And tonight, you chose yourself.

------------‐---------------------------------------

It wasnt smth big yet i still feel bad☹️

[pit-and-the-pen]

I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 3

A tiny bit of a shorter update here y'all. I promise there's a ton in the next chapter that I have planned but I just wanted to get this part out.

warnings: Drinking, slightly suggestive actions/thoughts

WC: 9.3k

Previous chapters: [prologue] [chapter 1] [chapter 2]

Feyre didn't make it to the prison that next day. Her and Rhys had not been gone for an hour before Rhys was winnowing her back into the living room. Feyre was as pale as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. The concern that laced Rhys’ face was enough to stop me from asking how it went, was enough to stop everyone in the room from asking. Feyre didn’t stay to talk, turning on her heel and stalking towards her room. 

I watched as she ascended the stairs, taking note of the stiffness of her shoulders. 

“She saw it was underground and couldn’t do it.” Was the only explanation I was given. I nodded, fully understanding. A variable none of us had even thought to consider, the prison was scary enough on its own. But add fifty feet of rock above your head, after that damned mountain, I Feyre didn’t come out of her room again that day. 

The next morning, I once again found myself outside her door too scared to knock. Too scared of her rejecting my company to bring her any semblance of comfort. It was the cowards move and I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to check on her. The tiny sniffles I could hear through the heavy wooden door let me know the full extent of the effect that place had on her. 

I sensed someone standing behind me and almost jumped when I saw Armen beside me. The two of us had a lukewarm relationship at best. She respected me only as much as was polite, I was her high lord's sister after all. But that’s where that relationship started and ended. I respected her as part of my brother's court, and quite frankly, I was terrified of her. 

“If you won’t then I will.” She said in a bored tone. “I know you heard her last night too.” I had. Feyre vomiting her guts out, screaming from nightmares, then more vomiting. It was something I was all too familiar with. The things that creep into our sleep, images from that vile place where she had lost her humanity. Amren simply rolled her eyes and strolled into the room, leaving me flustered at the doorway. I didn’t stay around to listen to their conversation. Instead I went down to the kitchen, finding my hands suddenly far too empty. 

In a matter of minutes I had pulled out all the ingredients to make breakfast. Grabbing a whisk to start mixing, I sensed someone else in the room. I looked up and was met with the eyes of my brother. A slightly worried look in his eyes, he knew I only cooked when something was on my mind. I just shrugged my shoulders at him, dismissing the concern. He didn’t say anything as he sat at one of the stools in the kitchen. Both of us content to sit in the other’s silence. Cassian came in only for me to shoo him out when he kept picking at the food as I made it. The action made the three of us howl with laughter. 

The next day, Feyre seemed to be in better spirits. I noticed her hand tracing over the necklace Amren had given her yesterday. Some random glittery trinket Rhys had gifted her one year for Solstice. I don’t know what the ancient fae had told her to make Feyre clutch it like it was a life line. Rhys eyed Amren who just waved him off with her usual casual coolness. 

“Ready then?” He asked Feyre. She gulped but nodded. And like that they were off. 

That’s when the waiting began. Everyone sat with perfect Fae stillness as we waited for Rhys and Feyre to return. All holding a collective breath for that information that could save us all. At some point I had lit a fire just to have something to do with my hands. The book that I had been trying to read all morning lay untouched by my feet. Mor was lounging next to Cassian. Azriel was brooding at the window, his wings twitching slightly at the tension in the room. Shadows a nervous flurry at his feet. Amren has slinked off the moment Rhys had winnowed away. 

I nearly jumped out of my skin when a crack cut through the silence in the room. The familiar smell of the prison lingered on Feyre and Rhys as they appeared in the living room. I couldn’t help the careful eye I ran over the both of them, assessing for any damage. A sigh of relief left me when I couldn’t find any. 

“How’d it go?” Mor finally broke the silence, trying and failing to keep her voice casual. Feyre was already splayed out in an armchair closest to the hearth. She stretched, rubbing at her arms, like she couldn’t get warm enough.  Rhys went to pick at a piece of invisible lint on his leathers. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“The bone carver is nothing more than a busybody.” He simply said. We all looked for him for a scrap of more information. 

“And?” I snapped. 

“And, he can be helpful when he wants to be. It seems we need to do what we do best.” His violet eyes shone with a flicker of mischief at his words. “Hybern has the Cauldron.” I couldn't contain the gasp that tumbled out of me. For the first time since my brother had left, Azriel moved. Perching on the arm of the couch I was sitting on. 

“What does that mean for us?” Azriel asked sharply. 

“It means that we finally know the cause behind all the destruction as of late.” Rhys ran a hand through his hair, eyes flickering to Feyre who looked like she was about to pass out from exhaustion. “But it also means that we are severely overpowered.” 

“Did you learn how to stop it?” 

“The Carver mentioned two books that could nullify it, that Feyre could use to nullify it.”

“Those books haven’t been seen in centuries, Rhys.” I interjected. He nodded, hands again running over his hair. 

“The location was one thing that the Carver was nice enough to gift us.” I shuddered at the tone of his voice. I didn’t want to think of what he or Feyre had to offer for that bit of information. 

“One piece rests in Summer and the other with the human Queens.” Rhys continued. 

“I’ll reach out to my sources in Summer to see if I can track down the exact location. I can also personally visit the human lands and see what I can find on the other piece.” Azriel started immediately. Ever the busy spymaster. 

“No. I don’t trust this information with anyone outside of this room, save for Armen. Not before we know who will actually stand besides us. If that book were to get into the wrong hands, we might as well surender right now.” Azriel tensed at my brother's words. I placed a gentle hand over his knee. A casual gesture that had him relaxing his shoulders ever so slightly. He gave Rhys a small nod of agreement. 

“What does that mean for us?” Mor spoke out. 

“As far as I’m concerned, Hybern has already declared war. That was our temple he sacked last to get a missing piece of the cauldron.”

“We need to find a way to get to the cauldron then.” My words gained a nod from Rhys. “It will likely be heavily warded, more than you could even break through Rhys. And then there’s the issue of even finding it. Hybern’s land is incredibly large and there's no guarantee he wouldn’t stash it somewhere else in Prythian.” 

“We think that since the pieces are spelled by individual High Lords, their power can find it. Besides actually wielding the book, it seems like we might have our very own key to finding those pieces.” Four pairs of eyes all turned in sync to Feyre. She cringed when she met our eyes. 

“We don’t know that for sure…” She started. 

“But it would make sense. You contain a kernel of all of their powers. I saw it get transferred to you. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to find them.” 

“And there’s a way to test it.” Rhys said with a wicked grin. “It will require us going on a little trip, to see if you can find a very important thing that I have been missing for a very long time.” 

“Rhys..” I started but Mor’s echoing “shit.” cut me off.

“Where?” Feyre said, voice trembling. 

“The Weaver.” I spoke at the same time as Azriel. 

“You can’t be serious…” I started, voice rising at the sheer audacity of my brother. 

“The test will be to see if Feyre can detect something that has my magic on it. If she can find that then I am confident it’ll work with other objects.” I had half a mind to slap that dignified look off of my brother's face. Feyre might not know what exact object was at the Weavers cottage but the rest of us did. 

I sunk in on myself. Mind drifting far away, tuning out the rest of their conversation. 

I felt a prod at my mental walls. You’re unhappy. Rhys spoke into my head. 

You’re playing games. I responded. It’s necessary and this way I know she’ll be safe. You think I would ever put her at serious risk? I shook my head, pushing him out of my mind. He winced at the force behind the action. I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I picked at my nails until Rhys' voice pulled me out of whatever was stewing in my brain.

“Emissary. Emissary to the Night Court- for the human realm.” The sound that left me was a mix between a gasp and a scoff. I ripped my hand off of its place on Azriel’s knee. Simply unable to put up with my brother's game at the moment. Azriel mumbled out my name as I stood up, walking out of the room. I shot Feyre a sympathetic look to let her know my leaving had nothing to do with her. She didn’t even glance my way, eyes flickering instead between Rhys and Azriel, who were now arguing in full force. 

When I reached my room, I could already feel the edges of a headache creeping over my vision. My hand came up to rub at my temples. I didn’t hear anything from anyone the rest of the day, the only sign I had even received that the arguing had stopped was Rhys popping his head into my room to tell me we were leaving early in the morning. I merely gave him a vulgar gesture with my finger before he slammed the door on his way out. Grabbing a pillow from the edge of my bed, I held it up to my head and let out a loud scream. 

This was all too much. Prythian had barely survived one war. And that was when the entirety of it was fighting together and my stupid, oversure brother thought that we could win it before it even started. Throwing the pillow across the room in frustration, I flopped onto the bed. Mind already starting to race with the possibilities and outcomes. All the wrong moves that could see everyone in my family dead in a matter of minutes. We were playing a dangerous game and I didn’t like how carelessly Rhys was thinking about things. A small part knew Rhys would never let Feyre be involved if he thought we stood no chance, so he must have a better plan than the ones I was coming up with. I hoped. 

The morning came far too quickly. I feel like I had just fallen asleep when a shadow had crept into my bed, whispering nonsense into my ear to make me up. They ignored my swats in protests. I groaned, pulling myself up into a sitting position. “Busybodies.” I muttered as the shadow creeped back out of my room, most likely letting Azriel and Rhys know I was awake. 

I dressed slowly, pulling on each layer of clothing with a practiced sort of focus. Hands nimbly fastening the many buckles of my fighting leathers, like I had done a million times before. I reached for the daggers that Cassian and Azriel had gifted me, one from each of them. Their handles encrusted with gems that matched their siphons. The third I slipped in had gems that matched the first diadem I had been gifted from my mother. I tried not to think about all of their significance as I strapped them to the holster on my thigh. I tied my hair up in an updo, one that required as little pins as possible to keep it out of my face. And I went to find my brother. 

It wasn’t hard to figure out why Rhys wanted me to accompany them. Having both of us there would be an extra layer of protection in case this all went to shit. The little bit of my power that had returned combined with Rhys’ would be more than enough to stop the Weaver. I couldn’t fully dampen a room but I had successfully snuffed out a candle or faelight more than a handful of times. Darkness did nothing if you were already blind, but the Weaver relied on scent and hearing. Both of which I had been successful in cutting off from Rhys. Not a hint of my full power but enough to give Feyre time to run if need be.

Once we winnowed into that ancient woods, I had started walking towards the cottage. Having no interest in listening to the distraction my brother had warned me he would be giving Feyre. I tried not to vomit as I listened to his shameless flirting. 

Eventually the trees had thinned out. All rustles of surrounding animals faded into nothing. I held up my hand singling to Rhys and feyre to stop moving. Feyre’s breath caught behind me. The cottage was just in view. The smoke from the chimney is still lingering in the air like a blanket. Rhys gave Feyre a dramatic flourish and bowed, letting her move on her own. She flipped him off which brought a smile to my face. 

I held my breath as I watched her walk into the front door, flinching when it closed behind her. Like an invisible hand had pushed it shut. My head whipped to Rhys and I saw that he had not planned for that. When I went to take a step forward, he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I threw it off but stayed put. No interference. Those were the rules. He said in my mind. 

So we sat and waited. “It’s taking too long, Rhys she can’t find it.” He shook his head. 

“No she has to.” 

“Not right this minute, it’s not like…” A blood curdling scream cut off my words. My dagger was in my hand faster than I could think. Body tensed for whatever had caused that scream. Some part of me knew it wasn’t Feyre. No, I had become all too familiar with the sound of her screams under the mountain. 

Faster than a streak of light, Feyre was bounding across the roof. At the same time the front door of the cottage flung open, The Weaver screaming for Feyre. Rhys and I shot each other a look before we were running after Feyre. Chasing her through the tree branches that she was running over. Rhys was able to climb up and perched on the end of one of the branches she would find herself in front of any second. 

“What the hell did you do?” He said coolly. Feyre skidded to a stop. Blood rose to her cheeks and I saw the pure fury in her eyes as she hissed at him. He cut her off before he wrapped an arm around both of us, winnowing the both of us back to Velaris.

I was able to winnow enough to get me on the balcony of the house of wind, I landed just in time to see Rhys’ wings appear. When I opened the door, Cassian and Amren had my map sprawled out in front of them. Clearly in the middle of an argument. 

Feyre had barely stepped into the threshold of the house before she vomited on the floor. Cassian cursed and Armen had it cleaned up with a quick flick of her wrist. 

Feyre had explained what had happened in the cottage. Anger creeped through me as she explained. I shot Rhys a glare that said I told you so. 

“And where were you two?” Amren hissed at my brother and I. I felt shame creep up through the anger. 

“Far enough away to help if need be. But she got out.” Rhys answered evenly. Feyre yelled at him. 

“I’m training with you, if the offer still stands.” Feyre said, ignoring Rhys. “I want to have another option besides running.” 

“Running very well might have saved your life today.” I said in return. She gave me a nasty side eye. 

“I want to be useful if it ever comes down to a fight.” Was all she said and Cassian nodded. 

After that, she seemed to remember something and she all but threw the ring at Rhys, who scrambled to catch it before it fell to the ground. Even I flinched towards it. The motion wasn’t lost of feyre and she raised an eyebrow at me in question. 

“How’d you lose it anyways?” 

“I didn’t. My mother gave it to me, then took it back when I reached maturity and then gave it to the Weaver for safekeeping.” I rolled my eyes at his half truth. She looked like she was about to lay into him before Rhys was grabbing her hand and left out the window. Probably getting them far enough to winnow back to the townhouse. I didn’t follow after them. 

Cassian let loose a heavy sigh and I nodded along. 

“He’s got it bad.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

“So your mothers ring…” 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Cassian.” I waved him off. Grabbing a bottle of wine out of the cabinet before I walked towards one of the empty rooms in the house. 

“Training with me, tomorrow morning.” Cassian was not asking. And my only answer was the sound of the cork popping out of the bottle in my hand. 

Cassian stuck to his words. He dragged me out of bed at sunrise despite my protests. He was having absolutely none of it. 

“Feyre’s coming and I want you to be there.” Bastard. He was playing dirty and knew it would work. He smirked as I pushed him out of the room so I could get changed. 

Feyre joined us a little after we had gotten warmed up. 

“I want you to watch for a little bit. Before we get into the basics.” Feyre made a discontent noise. “I can’t just throw you into the ring with one of us without having some foundation. Sure you can use a bow, but in hand to hand, you wouldn’t last a second.” Blunt. But true. Feyre’s face showed that she knew this. So she hung back as Cassian and Azriel squared off to each other. 

It was nearly impossible to follow their movements. They eventually slowed down enough to follow. To track the perfectly timed punches and dips. Cassian and Azriel fought with an easy grace. The sign of centuries of practice. My eyes tracked every roll of muscle, Azriel being shirtless didn’t help my gawking. Eventually they broke apart and I had to remind myself how to close my jaw. Unaware of the way it had parted slightly. Even Feyre looked overly interested. 

“Alright. Now, time for princess to get in here.” I groaned and he shot me a withering glare. “She’ll be the best example for you to follow Feyre. Just polished enough to not get hurt and do some damage along the way.” 

“Thank you for the glowing compliment Cassian.” He just smiled at me, gesturing for me to get in front of him. I pushed myself off the rock I was leaning against. I gave Feyre an overly sweet smile that had pulled a small laugh out of her. 

Cassian didn’t waste a second once I found my footing. He was relentless. Throwing powerful punch after powerful punch. I willed myself to follow his movements, trying my best to predict them. His movements far too fast for my mind to keep up with. So I took a deep breath and pulled from that same spot I had been practicing with Rhys. Cassian cursed loudly and I know it worked. The thin black mist that reached out to him even further proof. He stumbled slightly as I took his sight. It was just for long enough that I was able to grab his fist as he swung blindly. I used my hold and his unstable feet to flip over him. I had his arm pressed against his back. The perfect angel that with a simple twist would break his arm. He shouted at me and I pulled back my powers, granting him his sight back. 

“Not fair.” He panted out as I pushed him out of my hold. He caught himself with a fighter's grace, pulling himself onto his feet in one fluid motion. 

“Oh suck it up you baby.” I said with a laugh at his outraged expression.

“You never told us you got your powers back.” Azriel spoke from the sidelines. I shrugged as if to say it was no big deal. And truly it wasn’t. I could already feel the toll that little bit had taken on me. 

“Fine, you want to play that way…” Cassian started. “Azriel.” He finished. My head whipped to look at Cassian who was wearing a shit eating grin. I looked back to Azriel who just raised a challenging eyebrow at me. Never one to back down so easily, I gave him an exhausted wave of my hand. Singling him closer. We stood across from each other. Sizing each other up. Azriel and I haven't ever really sparred like this. Not hand to hand. Since we both favored daggers, it was always with weapons. I don’t even know if I could hit him. But I tried not to let that show on my face as I made the first move. He easily stepped out of the way, dodging my lunge at him. I whipped around and went to sweep his leg but he managed to dodge it again. A small smirk on his face as I looked up at him. My eyebrows set in a determined line and I forced myself to swing for his stomach. He grabbed my arm with ease, pushing it to the side and making me wobble trying to regain my footing. 

“Stop dancing and actually fight.” 

Cassian’s words had his head snap to him for just a second. But it was all the time I needed to flip him onto his back. His hands instantly grabbed on my hips as we fell to the ground. I heard the breath whoosh out from him, mostly in surprise as he stared up at me. Hazel eyes gleaming with something I didn’t want to think about. We just sat looking at each other before I leaned down and whispered in his ear. 

“I think I like having you on your back. I should do it more often.” With a graceful swing of my legs, I suddenly was standing above him. He seemed to still be in shock and I nearly doubled over laughing. Rolling my eyes , I offered him a hand to stand up. He could have gotten up by himself. But I wanted to touch his skin, feel the warmth of his body again. My hips still felt the ghost of his touch like he had burned his touch into the skin underneath. He took my hand and instead of pulling himself up, he pulled me down. I yelped in surprise as he quickly flipped me over. Hovering over me, his arms caged around me so no parts of him were touching me. A far more restrained move than me straddling his hips just  a few moments ago. I went to shove his chest and he caught my arm, pinning it above my head. All of my focus zeroed on that exact spot, his hand on my wrist. It took every bit of restraint I had to bite back the whimper building in my throat at the action. I shifted under him, trying to wiggle out of his grasp and that only made him grab my wrist tighter. 

“What are you going to do now princess?” He rasped near my ear. Mirroring my early actions of leaning down close to me. That stupid nickname, the way it dripped off of his lips had my whole body heating up. It was too much. I could only suck in heavy breaths of his scent and it lit my whole body on fire. I ignored the urge to wrap my leg around his back and pull him against me. Instead I pulled my leg up and used my knee to push him off of me. Probably a little harder than necessary. He clearly wasn’t expecting it as he fell back, hands resting on either side of him. We both sat, chests rising and falling with heavy breaths, unable to look away from each other. I said nothing as I stood up, brushing the dirt off of my pants and walked over to where Cassian was standing. I might have added a little extra sway to my hips. 

“Close your mouth, you’ll let flies in.” I all but growled lowly to Cassian as I approached his side. 

“So we’re just going to ignore whatever that was?” Cassian said, his eyebrow raised at me. I wanted to ignore him too.

“We’re absolutely going to” I absolutely would not. But I wasn’t about to talk about it with Cassian of all people. As it was he was probably never going to let me live it down. I tried my hardest not to think about what Azriel had felt like underneath me. How his hands seemed so sure as they gripped my hips. The small quiet grunt that left his lips from his back hitting the ground. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to think about his gravelly voice in my ear. No, I would absolutely not think about Azriel for the rest of the day. 

I passed Feyre from her position on the outside of the training ring. She raised an eyebrow at me before falling into step next to me. “If training always looks like that, I might have joined you all earlier.” She playfully hit my shoulder with her own and I fought the urge to groan. The action was so similar to Rhy that it was almost funny. They were absolutely perfect for each other, if he would only ever tell her they were mates. “So you and Azriel…” Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow at her. She gave me a dramatic roll of her eyes, “How long have two been together.” My legs froze. When her words had fully sunk in, I started roaring with laughter. I doubled over and rested my hands on my knees. I was finally able to compose myself, I stood up and wiped the stray tear from my eye. 

“I was serious.” She said, a confused look on her face. 

“Sizing up the competition are we?” I said to her,

“Dodging the question, are we?” Her smile only grew as mine faded. “So not together then, I just thought…” I raised my hand to stop her, unable to hear anymore. 

“He’s my brother’s best friend, his brother.” Was all I offered her. She looked like she wanted to press the issue but thought better of it. I left out a small sigh of relief as we walked back up to the house. 

Somewhere in the day, after  I cleaned away the sweat and grime from training, Mor came into my room. “We’re going to Rita’s tonight, if you want to come along?” Her eyes shone with mischief and I knew even if I didn’t want to, I would be going.

Mor didn’t even bother knocking as she came back with an arm full of dresses for me to try on. I had no shortage in my own closet but who was I to deny her the opportunity to play dress up. 

She held up the first one for me to see, a striking red color that looked like it would show more than it covered. I laughed at the idea. “That’s far more your color than it is mine.” She beamed a smile at me and put it in a separate pile. Dress after dress was pulled out and presented to me, each one more and more revealing. I groaned inwardly at the scrap of a black dress she held up for me. I shook my head.

“Maybe I should just stay home.” I sighed. She gave me a dramatic pout.

“You haven’t seen the last one yet.” She held it out and I knew that was the one she had been saving. 

It wasn’t exactly his shade of blue, and that made it even more perfect. Far enough off that it could be written off as a coincidence. The look Mor gave me told me she had that very thought when she picked it out. A deep scoop for the neck line, held together by a silver ring, a similar cut out right below it. It looked like it would stop about mid-thigh. Mor threw the dress into my arms and pushed me into the bathroom. 

“We don’t have all day so get your cute ass in the dress.” She said as the door closed and I laughed loud enough for her to hear it through the wood. I stripped off my pajamas and realized the dress would not allow for any type of bra, so I took that off too. Wiggling slightly to get it over my thighs, I smoothed the dress down. It was nothing super out of the ordinary from what I’ve worn to Rita’s in the past but I suddenly felt very shy looking at myself in the mirror. The dress hugged my curves in all the right places and had enough support in the bust that it made up for the lack of a bra. I took a deep breath, steeling my nerves to walk out and show Mor. 

When I walked out she gave a dramatic whistle. “That’s the one for sure. No one will be able to look away.” She raised her eyebrows at the suggestive comment and I felt heat rise in my cheeks. Both of us knew I only cared about one specific male's attention. One that would hardly give me a second glance. 

She started on my makeup next, lining my eyes heavily with kohl. Blush wasn’t needed in this case, the sheer amount of alcohol we’d be consuming would do that for me. She swiped a red tinted gloss over my lips and turned me to face the mirror again. The black made the purple in my eyes pop, even I was unable to look away from my reflection. The gloss doing its job of making my lips look plump in a way that bordered on seduction. “You have outdone yourself” I complimented Mor and it was her turn for her cheeks to ting red. She shrugged off the compliment. 

“I trust you to do your own hair. I’m going to get ready. We’re leaving in less than an hour, so be quick.” She snatched the discarded dresses off their spot on my bed and strolled out of the room. 

I decided to leave my hair simple. The dress was enough of a statement on its own. My hair was still slightly curly from my bath earlier so I just left it down, twisting and pinning one side of it against my head. I pulled out some longer bits for the front and that was that. Giving myself a quick once over in the mirror, I started heading downstairs to meet the rest of my family. 

It was late enough that Feyre had already gone to her bedroom for the night. But I was surprised to see my brother dressed and waiting, impatiently, for Mor and I. I walked down the stairs and three pairs of eyes turned to me at the sound of my heels clicking against the floor. My eyes found Rhys first, slightly disapproval at my outfit but he’d get over it. I rolled my eyes at him and then caught Azriel’s gaze. 

I tried to ignore the way his eyes roved greedily over my figure. Blocked out the blush that rose all the way to my ears. His mouth was slightly open like he was going to say something but Cassian cut him off. 

“You clean up nice, princess.” Another roll of my eyes. 

“Who knew you knew how to put a shirt on Cas.” I teased back. I couldn’t find the courage to look over to Azriel again, scared of whatever look he was giving me. A look you certainly don’t give to friends or family. When I finally did glance over his way, I noticed his eyes were still on me, following my every shift with an intense look, like a hunter following prey. 

“Let’s go, we’re burning moonlight.” Mor said, breaking whatever tension was in the room. She all but ran down the steps until she was on even ground. She wrapped her arm around mine and pulled me to the door, the males following behind us. 

We laughed and pointed out things on our walk over to Rita’s. Mor and I walked a few steps ahead the entire time. The handful of times I risked a glance backwards, I noticed Azriel making a point to look anywhere but me. Which only brought more laughter from me. 

Rita’s wasn’t super packed tonight, but the music could be heard from outside of the bar. The five of us strolled in the doors and I could already feel the music in my chest. A sultry rhythm that had me longing to pull Mor to the dance floor. But we first headed to the bar, ordering the strongest drinks that they had to offer. I winced slightly as I took my first sip. 

No sooner than that sip did I do exactly that, pulling Mor by her hand into the crowd of bodies. I was slightly out of practice but I just let my body feel the music. Head tipped back with laughter as Mor and I danced together. 

We only lasted a few songs before both of us needed new drinks. This time we stayed at the booth the others had picked out. Her and I slid into the seats. She rushed for the seat next to Cassian and Rhys, leaving me to sit next to Azriel. Fine, perfectly fine. I told myself as I sat down next to him. The booth was tight enough with three pairs of wings that our thighs were touching. My mind instantly flashing back to earlier in the day, the way my thighs had been slung over both of his hips. I squirmed in my seat and tried my best to focus on the conversation being had. 

“No word from summer yet?” Cassian asked between sips of his own drink. Rhys sighed before shaking his head. He emptied his own glass and Cassian was already pushing another one towards him. 

“Which means we will go to the humans tomorrow.” He kept his voice low, although it was unnecessary over the music. Cassian sucked his teeth but kept quiet. Mor stiffened ever so slightly before speaking up. 

“I’ll stay in Velaris.” Her tone left nothing to be argued with. We all turned to our drinks, a comfortable silence falling over us. More drinks were consumed. My chest felt very warm and I knew a dopey smile was stuck on my face. At some point Azriel’s hand had slipped onto my knee as the conversation flowed. 

“By the mother, she’s infuriating.” Rhys lamented into his glass, his response when Cassian asked how that relationship was going. “She has all of this power that I can sense, but she refuses to try to learn how to use it.” Cassian let out a roaring laugh. 

“She’s gotta be stubborn if she’s ever going to deal with you. Someone here has to be able to tell you no.” 

“ I would argue, you all keep me in check perfectly.” He laughed back. All of us joined in. 

Mor went to get the next round of drinks and I downed mine, probably too quickly. The room started to spin just a little and I laid my head against Azriel’s shoulder. His arm instantly wrapped around me. Shadows wrapping around the two of us.

“You okay?” He said slowly to me. I looked up at him and gave him a small drunken nod. The motion made a laugh rumble through him. “I think you’ve had enough. I’m cutting you off, princess.” I pouted at him, my bottom lip sticking out. I could only blink up at him as he raised his free hand to untuck my lip, a scared finger lingering on my face. I suddenly couldn’t hear anything else in the room. All of my focus zeroing in on that hand on my face. I swore he was leaning in more than a second ago, his face a lot closer to mine than it had been. Rhys cleared his throat loud enough to make me jump. Azriel’s shadows retreated back to his side. My cheeks heated up as I pulled my eyes away from Azriel’s face. I had completely forgotten the others, who were now giving Azriel and I confused looks. All except Mor who had a self satisfied grin on her face. 

We didn’t last much longer than that. All deciding that it was time to call it a night. We would need to be up in only a few hours to go to the human realm. 

During the walk home, Azriel wouldn’t so much as look at me. Letting Mor and I once again led the way, albeit on slightly more wobbly legs. By the time we got to the house, my shoes were in my hand, feet screaming at the height of the heels. We all quickly said goodnight and headed towards our rooms. Walking up the stairs, my foot caught the edge of one of them and I would have fallen face first into the marble if not for a warm hand that wrapped around my arm. Azriel was standing beside me, my arm held lightly. I could only gawk at him as he pulled me upright. 

“Maybe I should walk to your room so you don’t hurt yourself, or the house.” He spoke softly, a hint of a smile at the edge of his lips. I nodded, my tongue unable to find words. 

So he did exactly that. We reached my door and I turned to him to say good night but he was much closer than I anticipated. Our eyes locked and we both stood frozen, unable to look away from each other. Before I could think of something else to say, he reached out a gentle hand and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. His hand lingered on my face. I felt my breath catch in my throat, mouth parting to say something, anything. 

“Good night.” He spoke before I could. His hand dropped to his side and I tried not to pout as I echoed the words back to him. I stood outside my door and watched as he turned on his heel and walked down the hall to his own room.

I got dressed for bed in a daze. Nearly forgetting to wipe off the makeup on my face. I crawled into bed and let thoughts of the shadowslinger lull me to sleep. 

I felt funny wearing the clothes that Feyre had picked out for me. Everything felt itchy and heavy against my skin. Gone were the typical cobwebs from the night court attire. Instead, Feyre helped lace me into a corset that she informed me I’m supposed to wear underneath my clothing. We compromised on a long sleeve shirt that had sheer sleeves but went up to my neck. It all felt very stuffy and Feyre laughed when I pointed that out to her.

“It’s supposed to be. Humans are a lot more…modest than high fae.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. That was an understatement for sure. She helped me pin the simple linen skirt and tied up my hair in an intricate braid that rested on the top of my head. “There, you could pass perfectly for human, if it wasn’t for the ears.” She teased and I stuck my tongue out at her. Pulling my hair down in front of my ears. Thankfully, she turned her attention to Mor who was studying the clothes intensely. 

“No fighting in these clothes.” She muttered, low enough that I wonder if she even meant to say it out loud. 

“Women are expected to get married, have children and then plan the same for those children. Some might work, if they’re poorer.” Feyre explained. Mor nodded along to her words. 

“Fae are the same in some places. Feyre slipped behind the screen in her room to start changing her own clothes. 

“In the Court of Nightmares, females are…prized.” Mor’s voice had gone ice cold. My eyes drifted to her, remembering her own family. “We’re only valued for our ability to produce offspring. And being the most powerful in my family, everyone could see it, the day I first bleed it was over for me. I was hoping I could escape the same fate as the rest of my cousins, shackled into a loveless, and sometimes cruel, marriage. But when my power unleashed itself full force, I was suddenly the most sought after female in the court” She shuddered slightly. I tried to keep my face as those old memories resurfaced. 

“What about your parents?” Feyre asked from behind the screen. Voice shaking slightly. 

Mor gave out a cold, flat laugh. “They were beside themself. They could have a pick at any of the top ruling families. My pleas fell on deaf ears.” She took a steady breath. “The rest of the story is long and awful and this isn’t the time for it. But I say all of this to let you know I’m not coming with you.” I of course already knew this but I never gave much thought to the reasoning behind it. How the way humans treated females would open old wounds for Mor. Ways that she did everything in her power to avoid. 

I tried to busy myself with fixing the layers of my clothes as they talked, letting them have a little bit of privacy. 

“There are good days and hard days for me-even now. Don’t let the hard days win.” Mor said, giving Feyre a slight squeeze on the shoulder before she walked out of the room. 

With Mor and Amren staying behind to watch Velaris, that left the five of us, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys, Feyre and myself. I had already walked up to Azriel’s side before Feyre blurted out. “I’ll fly with Azriel.” I couldn’t keep my face neutral, even as Azriel simply bowed his head. I tried to stomp down the jealousy at the way his shadows wrapped around her when Azriel scooped up Feyre into his arms. Tried not to think of the way those very arms had been wrapped around me last night. Cassian was at my side giving me a wink he said, “Guess you’re stuck with me. Try not to look so disappointed.” 

“Elain.” Feyre’s voice broke around the name. The housekeeper had been giving her a hard time when the girl had appeared. The rest of us merely waited outside as Feyre walked through the doors of the manor. 

I held my breath as Feyre greeted us at the doors. She led us into a large room in the house and I couldn’t help but look around. In awe of the manor before me. The resemblance between the three sisters was uncanny. The slope of a nose, the curve of full lips. Wide eyes that followed every move the Illryians made. The tallest took a small step in front of the other timid girl when she spied the two winged males. I fought the urge to scoff and stepped closer. Feyre simply introduced all of us to each other. The other’s didn’t dare move. 

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Rhys said with a bow. The perfect example of a diplomatic high lord. Nesta’s welcome was less than ice cold. We followed her into the dining room and all took our seats. 

The males, per usual, began scarfing down the food. Where they put it all, I would never know. Feyre ate with a look that would lead you to believe she was eating glass. 

“Is there something wrong without food?” Nesta asked coldly. I fought the urge to shiver at her tone, the sheer discontent in those few words. “So you don’t eat normal food anymore- or are you too good for it?” Rhys and I put our forks down in sync. The way her voice dripped with challenge. How Nesta was related to Feyre, well if it wasn’t for their face, I would never have guessed it. 

“I can eat, drink, fuck and fight just a well as before. Better, even.” At her words, the room seemed to heat up ever so slightly. Feyre herself being the source. I felt my eyes go wide at the thought of what could happen. Tempers flaring from both sides of the room. 

“Can you really fly?” Elain asked Azriel. Trying to break the tension.

“Yes. We’re called Illyrians, a race of winged warriors.” 

“Is it not frightening to be up so high?” She all but batted her eyelashes at him. I might have put a little bit more behind my fork as I picked at the food in front of me. He kept an even tone as he answered all of her questions. I could quickly tell Nesta was losing her patience, however small it was to begin with. 

“If we’re all done eating then this meal is over.” She said as she walked out of the room. Leaving the rest of us reeling. 

“Three rooms was rather generous of her.” I joked with Feyre as we walked around the house.  

“If you want to go back, try to ask Nesta…”

“We’ll make it work.” I cut her off, I would never admit it outloud but there was something unnerving about Nesta. An intensity that set my teeth on edge. Plus, the clear disdain she holds for her sister ticked a certain nerve in me. How someone could be so callous towards a sibling that had sacrificed so much for them, I couldn’t imagine. 

“She tends to have that effect on people.” Feyre said with a private laugh. I really did try to keep my tone neutral 

“She seems very…” I didn’t have a kind word to say. My anger at the female clouded over anything else I could say about her.  Feyre just nodded at me. 

We both went to our separate rooms for the night. And I had just fallen asleep when a knock at the door woke me up. I was surprised to see Azriel at my door, expecting Rhys or maybe Feyre. “Cassian snores. Really loudly.” Azriel said in a softer tone that I knew he could use. I covered my mouth to hide the laugh that escaped me. He smiled my favorite lopsided smile at me and I opened the door to let him in. 

This wasn’t out of the ordinary. Azriel and I had shared a bed many times, and had fallen asleep on each other even more times. I still remember me begging him to stay when my screaming had woken him up. But for some reason, the heat of his body behind me felt very different this time. We weren’t touching, not even his wings brushed up against me. His shadows curled around the edge of the bed like a sleeping dog. He might have well been right on top of me for how much I could sense his presence. I turned over onto my side, pulling my side of the blanket tighter around myself and tried to even my breathing with his. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, unable to escape his smell as it wrapped around me. It only added to the overwhelming feeling of him. I squeezed my eyes tighter, pleading with myself to ignore him. To act like nothing had changed in my feelings for him. That my simple crush was crumbling out of my control into something more. Something I did not want to think about with him merely feet away from me. 

I woke up warm. So warm that I burrowed myself back into the source of the warmth. Eyes shut, I basked in the feeling with a small content noise leaving my throat. The slight shift under me had my eyes flying open. Remembering exactly what had happened last night. Squinting the morning light out of my eyes, I took note of the arm wrapped around my waist. The way I was pulled tight against Azriel’s chest. My whole body flushed suddenly his body heat threatened to smother me. I tried to subtly slip out of his hold, but the motion only made his arm tighten around me more. I was pressed tight enough around him that I could feel every plane of his chest, every bit of muscle pressed up against me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer to whatever god would get me out of this situation. I struggled a little bit more, I felt my backside make contact with his hips. My actions caused a groan to echo in his chest, the noise making me freeze completely, scared to even breathe wrong. 

I waited for a few moments before I continued my actions, being extremely careful of where exactly I was putting my weight. I let out a heavy breath when I managed to wiggle out of his hold. Azriel only rolled over and grabbed the pillow I had been half resting on. A smile snuck onto my face at the action. His shadows, up until then ignored, circled around my arm and that only seemed to make him stir more. He groaned again, moving over onto his back.

 My eyes landed on his face and I nearly jumped out of the bed when I heard him rasp, “You’re staring princess.” I was thankful that his eyes were still closed as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Moving ever so slowly, I reached for one of the discarded pillows by the foot of the bed. His hand had already come up to stop it before I could toss it at his head. 

“Now that wasn’t very nice.” His morning voice finally hit me, Azriel’s voice had always been on the lower side but laced with sleep, it bordered on sinful. The slight huskiness to it had me scrambling out of the bed, all but running to the bathroom. His light laughter hit my ears as the door closed. My head landed against the wooden door, running my hands over my face. I decided a cold bath would be in my best interest. 

My mind kept wandering to the male outside the door as I peeled off my night clothes, thankfully Feyre had convinced me to bring longer, sturdier nightwear than I normally would have worn or else I think I would have lost my everloving mind last night. That groan running through my mind again had me all but diving into the bathtub. 

I sat in the bath like a coward until I heard the door open and shut. I waited a few more moments before I finally pulled myself. I wrapped a towel around myself and walked timidly out of the bathing room, peaking out first to make sure it was all clear. Luckily, it was empty. A stupid twinge of disappointment runs through me and I push it aside. There were bigger issues for today. 

I was thoroughly impressed with the progress Feyre had made. She had been able to light, drown and relight the candle a handful of times. My job was really only to stand as a buffer between her and Rhys. Be able to control the situation if she lost too much control of her powers. 

“Maybe you should go.” 

“Why?

“I can’t concentrate when you’re breathing down my neck.” She snapped at him. Before this could get any more flirty, I tugged on my brother's arm. Leaving the candle with her. 

“Why do you insist on godding her like that?” I asked when we had gotten some distance. 

“Because it’s fun.” I shot him a glare, “Alright, because it gets her out of her own head. It works. Plus I won’t deny it’s fun.” 

“There he is.” I mutter. An hour or so had passed and I saw Rhys gathering a small bundle of food and a piece of paper to send along to Feyre. He hastily scribbled something on it but I didn’t care to read it. Barely a moment passed before the paper returned. Back and forth it went until it remained with her.A second passed, then another. My stomach sank. Rhys was already grabbing my arm to winnow us back to that clearing. 

Nothing could prepare me for the sight in front of us. Feyre held by the neck by an Attor. Neither of us hesitated. It was as simple as breathing, blinding the Attor. It howled in rage as Rhys’ power exploded out of him. Feyre kicked her way out of its arms and I was instantly at her side. Crouching to pick her off the snow covered ground. The Atorr was bound in tendrils of inky-darkness. 

“I was wondering when we would see your ugly face again. Answer my question and you can go back to your master.” Rhys all but purred. 

“Whore.” Was all the answer he received. I reached out to my powers again, the Atorrs scream echoed through the clearing as he lost both his sight and hearing. Rhys nodded his head and I let it fade back into me. Breathing heavily, I knew I didn’t have another time in me. 

“I was sent to get her.” the Attor paused. “I don’t know why.” Words did not stop spilling from the Attors mouth. A small satisfied smirk graced my face as I felt Azriel and Cassian land beside me. 

“Next time you go after her, I’ll kill first and ask questions later.” Rhys said before Azriel and the Attor vanished. I shuddered at the knowledge of what was to come. How when I found Azriel later, he would be cleaning truth-teller until the blade gleamed again. 

Cassian grabbed my hand and scooped me up in his arms. The distant shouting of Rhys and Feyre was enough to make him laugh. “Let’s leave them to kill each other in peace.”

“Who do you think would win?” 

“My money’s on Feyre.” I laughed as he took off, flying us back to Velaris.

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[travellingarmy]

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✦❘༻𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙼𝚢 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝༺❘✦

Ch. 1 - The Beginning of an End

Malleus Draconia x fem!reader

Chapter list + Summary

[Next]

Do not steal/copy + paste my works and upload it anywhere else.

⊰♤⊱⊰◇⊱⊰♡⊱⊰☆⊱⊰♧⊱⊰♤⊱⊰◇⊱⊰♡⊱⊰☆⊱⊰♧⊱

He didn’t come to the room last night either..

It’s been six days— yes, just six— since you last saw your husband. Although to you, it felt like it was more than that. No, he hasn’t gone off to anywhere else in this godforsaken world, he’s just.. Well, somewhere in this large castle. You heaved a weak sigh as one single thought came to your head: Malleus Draconia.. Your heart thumps just a tad bit faster. Even without knowing who he was, just the name alone sounds frightening. Fortunately and unfortunately, you were well acquainted with that name and have had many yet brief conversations. 

He was the prince of the Valley of Thorns, the only successor to the throne but most importantly, he was none other than.. “My husband..” You muttered underneath your breath. The clicking of the heels abruptly stop as you shudder on the spot at that name. 

It was honestly unbelievable how you went from a lowly daughter of a combat baron (the lowest rank in nobility) to be the wife of a prince, essentially making you a princess. 

Nevertheless, whether you are now a princess of a very powerful kingdom, your relationship with your husband was essentially.. Nonexistent. Well, other than mere business relationships you both have. In fact, it was strictly business that he did not show up in the chambers the night of your wedding. You can’t fault him, however, since you did not want to be wedded to him either. He must be disgusted with me.. You believed that to be true since once again, you were just a baron’s daughter with probably below average looks. Rarely had noble men would throw themself at you willingly.

Whatever, you should not let those thoughts get into your head and get you into low spirits. You had a history lesson to catch and that’s what you should be focusing on right now. What has been done is done and you can’t sulk about your nonexistent love life and your continued nonexistent relationship with Malleus. 

You sigh and continue in your steps. Looking at the decorated walls of the castle, you would occasionally find portraits. Of whom? You could only presume that it was none other than the royal family and those who came before. There weren’t many new faces within these paintings, that much you noticed. No doubt in your mind that it’s because despite the kingdom being around for so long, they have only a few monarchs because one monarch could reign for centuries on the throne. 

You tried looking for your husband’s portraits but so far, you’ve only managed to find two: one was a stand-alone painting and the other was with his grandmother. In neither portrait was he smiling. Now thinking about it, you don’t recall him smiling on your wedding day too.. Just how cold is this guy? You had a pensive look, bringing a finger to your chin. He doesn’t meet me in the room and he doesn’t even smile.. Is he aloof to everyone around him? You were now doubting if he’d be fit to be king in the future. 

Ah. You probably shouldn’t be thinking that way of your husband. If he knew, you’d most likely be stripped of your title as princess and sent back home where you’ll most likely have to face Her Majesty in the queen’s court back home. “Heh.. I don’t want that..” You itch your cheek, sweat dropping at the mere thought. You've only met her once— when she was congratulating you on your marriage— and just as the rumours had said, she was beautiful, yet held a menacing aura of authority. But I guess that’s normal if she’s queen..

“Princess.” Snapping you out of your continued, meaningless thoughts, a voice from just further down the hall had caught you off guard. You look ahead and see that one of the doors had opened and that somebody was standing there, most of their body seen and what could not be was hidden by the large, oak door. “I had been waiting a while for you. Don’t you understand that my time is precious to be on wait for you?” The person— er, fae— was wearing glasses and had her hair up in a tight bun. Her outfit was almost like that of a butler’s, having a tailcoat, but instead of uniformed pants, it was a pencil skirt. She had an air of authority and seemed to always look down on you. 

“Tch. You humans really are so clueless..” She mumbles under her breath and from the distance you were in, you couldn’t hear her. However, you did see the sharp look of disdain on her face before telling you to hurry up and to get inside the library. It was where you had your history lessons after all. 

“Honestly, what do you take us for?” She speaks her mind once you sit down on your seat across from her. “You will be at the prince’s side; instead of daydreaming, learn about this country’s history and its citizens, will you?” She snaps and slams a heavy book on the table in front of you. You stiffened, heart beating fast at the fright. “Sorry, but I’m only late by 3 minutes..” You sweat dropped at her angry, wide arm gestures as you defend yourself. 

“THREE!? My time is precious. How many—“ At that moment, you learned to tune her out once you’ve ascertained she was going to go on and rant to your face. Since day one, you’ve established that she didn’t like you very much despite you trying your best to be polite and flatter her. She would nitpick every little mistake she had seen in you even though she wasn’t an etiquette teacher. When she does, she’d talk for hours, essentially wasting time that could have been spent on learning. On a good day, she will glare daggers at you and then continue on with the lecture or rant for half an hour.. 

That’s the thing. There was never a good day for her. 

At this point, it was best to drop the flowery words saved for her and just let her rant endlessly. 

—

“Will the prince be joining for dinner today?” You ask to no one in particular, letting either of these maids stationed in the dining hall answer. When there wasn’t an answer, you assumed that it was a no and that they had decided to not answer to the likes of you whenever you asked. You wanted to sigh, honestly, at the lack of a response. 

So there you were, only hearing the sound of your own cutlery as you took small bites of your meal. It wasn’t because you weren’t hungry, but you were sure that these maids will have something to gossip about in scorn later should you make an error. Even if you were new to the country and their customs may be different, you were well learned to know that servants shouldn’t be treating someone of status, especially such as yourself, in such a manner. Alas, you could only resign yourself to just let bygones be bygones. 

If you were to scold them, your name will surely be the talk amongst nobles for a long while, most likely saying how you will be a spiteful queen. Your reputation would only go from bad to worse, seeing as a ‘mere’ human is lecturing creatures like them. 

You kind of miss your home and your father.. Even if it was just you two left, everyday was a cherishable time. Even with these short days that felt like that’s been dragging its seconds a bit too long, you find yourself reminiscing the life you left behind a little bit too much despite only having gone to your new forever home just short of a few days ago. 

… “I’ll be going to my room now.” You dab your mouth with a cloth napkin just in case you had any of the dinner smeared on your face and stood up. Whatever was left of your dinner was promptly cleaned off the table and thrown into the bin. 

I could really use a warm bath today.. You walked the somewhat familiar halls thinking to yourself. Today felt eventful even though the most stressful thing was only dealing with these gossiping faes and the headache they give you. You were excited to dip yourself in a warm tub full of nice smelling body oil and stay in there until the water got cold. Even without anyone being there, a smile forms on your lips with an almost quiet giggle. 

—

“Kufufu, are you sure this is what you’ve decided on doing?” Unbeknownst to you, crimson-coloured eyes bore into your figure. It was dark, that much was true since it was way past the time for the sun to be out, but the moon could outline the silhouette of a man. The only thing that could be comparable to the moon’s light at that moment were the strikingly deep colour of his eyes that illuminated even more in the dark. He stares at you from another window on a higher floor just across yours, breaking out in a smile and a light chuckle. The only thing keeping you two apart other than those walls and windows was the courtyard built in between. “She’s quite cute. I’d hate to leave such a pretty thing alone for so long without her husband.” 

Those same focused eyes break away from your form after speaking to a much taller man beside him that had piercing green eyes that outshined the moon— much like the prior’s. He says nothing to the short male but continues to stare at you. “Hmm, now that I think about it, she’s around Silver’s age, yes?” The shorter one continued on talking, putting a finger on his chin. “Don’t you think they’d be good friends?” 

The one who he was talking to seems to be ignoring him and poor he who has come to a conclusion that his companion is off in his thoughts to be paying attention to him. He sighs. “It’s been almost a week since she’s last seen and talked to you,” he points out carefully, doing a gesture as if he was shrugging but his arms stayed hovering in the air for a bit before dropping it completely to his side, “I know humans have a short lifespan, unlike our kind, but I do not believe that you’ll be able to go all her life not speaking to her just as you had planned. It would do no good to the plan of strengthening our relations with the humans.”

“She’s afraid of me.” At last, his tall companion speaks. “The first meeting.. And the day of the wedding.. When she looked at me, I saw fear in her eyes.”

Again, the short man sighs. “That is to be expected, Malleus. She is, after all, a human. You know how they are– they fear things that are unknown to them but if you’d just try, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you in no time–”

“But what if she doesn’t?” The prince finally tears his eyes away from you. “Lilia, are you certain that she’ll be fine having me as her husband?” He narrows his eyes, a bit of uncertainty was read in them. 

The male could only smile at him. “Do you trust me?” was all he asked, though cryptically. However, that was enough for Malleus to return his gaze, watching you disappear to your shared bedroom. Something swells in his heart, yet he does not know what. 

Once the door closes with a soft thud, he stands there for a while, silently watching at the door where you had just disappeared. He was often silent and staring off into the distance, but that didn’t mean his head was merely filled with air. Just a moment earlier, his heart smiled a bit when he saw the small smile on your lips, happy to think that you might be finding life at the Valley not too hard. 

Only when coming to a silent agreement made in his head, does he now turn his back away from the window. His robe flutters behind him, the sound of it heavy and rich, perfectly displaying his wealth. He walks deeper into the shadows– the unlit parts of the castle that the moon could not reach– and then promptly disappears with only the clacking of his heels making presence. 

Lilia stands by the window, watching as the young prince vanishes from his sight. He looks back at the hall you walked and the door you closed. A smile crosses his lips once more. His eyes became soft at a thought that will not be shared with anyone and for him to simply dwell on it. 

Now alone, he takes a deep breath in and breathing out of his mouth, his heart feeling lighter. He closes his eyes. “Oh my, it seems that age is catching up with me, kufufu,” he softly mutters, still smiling. He takes a bit of time for himself on this serene night before opening his eyes again. The small, yet meaningful smile warps to that of a big one with his eyes lighting up. Suddenly, the visage of a parent disappears from him entirely. 

He turns smoothly on his heels, heading to the same direction where Malleus had gone off too. “Ah, where is Silver? That boy, I hope he hasn’t fallen asleep somewhere unsafe..” With a merry smile, he leaves his spot from the window. 

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[sadistic-kiss]

Use Me (Kinktober Fic)

Succubus Reader x Various JJK Men

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.Chapter Two.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

You crawled behind Choso, traversing over carpet and tile floor. Luckily he naturally walked slowly, some of the others walked quicker on purpose.

Now that you were inside the house you could hear the music much clearer. They were playing Halloween music and even had decorations up to match. Were they about to throw a party? When you entered the kitchen and saw the three giant kegs you knew that's what was about to happen.

That can't be good. You hope they don't kick you out, you were starving.

"Lay down." Choso commanded.

You looked over to see he was pointing at a giant pink fluffy bed sitting on the side of the kitchen. That was new.

"When-"

"Ah ah- I didn't say speak I said lay down." He pointed again with a bit more force.

You crawled into the bed and got comfortable, lying down as you looked up at Choso.

He cracked the smallest grin, "Good girl." He praised petting your head as you purred excitedly. He then stood up and went to the fridge, "Sukuna got it for you. Thought you might like it." He chuckled while searching for something to eat.

Even though he was talking to you, you couldn't talk back, not unless they told you to speak or asked you a question.

Honestly, it wasn't always like this. When you first met them they had released you from your slumber so you could help them find a curse. Between helping them or sleeping for eternity you chose your best option. They had aided you and you helped them. Killing whatever curse spirit they needed.

Everything was perfect.

It wasn't until you accidentally killed their best friend, then they started treating you differently. You told the man that he wouldn't survive and he wanted to sleep with you anyway! Who were you to turn down a meal!?

Food was food.

Apparently, you chose wrong and you shouldn't have done it. Human morals were so weird but you were learning bit by bit. They didn't like it when you hurt their people...only other people...bad people...the people they tell you to hurt....It was a work in progress.

Your body burned, bringing you back to why you were here in the first place. You released a light whimper staring at Choso as he scratched his abs under his long-sleeved grey shirt. Your mouth watered wanting to lick upon his stomach among other things.

"Quiet pet." He spoke without looking your way. He finally found something, pulling out a few things.

You pout, observing him as he moves around the kitchen cooking. About five minutes in you heard someone coming. You sat up excitedly hoping whoever it was would bless you.

Gojo came rushing in dressed like a Roman king with a leaf-like crown. He was talking on the phone.

"We are gonna need to get a new battery for the hockey table-oh what the fuck!" Gojo shouted.

"What?" Getou's voice boomed loudly on the phone.

"What the hell is she doing here!?" Gojo hollered while looking at Choso for an explanation.

"Why are you acting like I summoned her or some shit." Choso questioned with a twitch of his brow.

"Awww is it our kitten?" Getou cooed.

"No aww! She's going to kill everyone!"

"Did you want me to leave her outside?" Choso questioned.

Gojo glared at you as you gave him your puppy eyes and a little poke of your lip.

'Please don't kick me out please don't kick me out.'

"I swear to Tengen if one person dies tonight you will never come back, got it?"

You nodded quickly as Gojo sighed looking at Choso. "Where is Aiko?"

"She sent them away."

"What why?"

"She said they would have died if they touched her because of how minuscule their curse energy was."

Gojo smacked his forehead with a little growl, "Fuck I forgot about that."

"Forgot about what?" Sukuna popped in catching the end of the conversation. He was dressed up as a Viking, suns out guns out. Two knives clipped to his hips. Knowing him they were most definitely real. You wouldn't be surprised if the fur he wore was also real and something he hunted himself.

"Our problem pet." Gojo pointed to you.

Sukuna's face lit up as he saw you, his lips pulling up into a wide grin, "Aye~ look who it is, my little slut." You chirped at him as he got down, he nudged you so you could roll on your back.

When you did he chuckled while rubbing your stomach. You were so touched starved you moaned while looking up at him pitifully. You didn't care how degrading this was, as long as you allowed Sukuna to do what he wanted he was quick to give you a reward. He was sadistically twisted and just as needy. He also had a shit ton of curse energy to spare.

"You like the bed I got you?" He grinned wickedly while inching toward the lower part of your belly.

You nodded, leaning into his other hand as it cupped your cheek.

"Poor thing, must be so hungry." He clicked his tongue.

You blinked your eyes quickly, whimpering some more. 'Yes so hungry! Feed me!' you wanted to scream.

"I gotcha kitten." He got up going into the kitchen cabinet.

"Oi!" Gojo threw up his arms, "Are we not gonna talk about our problem?"

"What's the problem?" Sukuna questioned getting out two pink bowls with diamonds on them.

Oh fucking hell.

"We are throwing a party and if someone touches our pet then it's lights out!"

Choso finished cooking, plating his food, "Why not keep her in one of our rooms." He slid onto the barstool saying a quick prayer before digging in.

"No way." Sukuna growled, "I'll fucking watch her."

Gojo scoffed, "You just want to parade her around on your dick."

"Don't act like you won't do it too."

"Maybe, but if she kills too many people the elders are going to get involved and they're already up our asses as it is."

"Maybe we can let only those with a decent amount of curse energy in." Getou suggested.

"Hm~ Enough to survive at least a little bump from our pet."

"Oooor~ She can do what she did with Aika." Choso spoke while chewing.

"Fine fine!" Gojo looked toward you, "Anyone that you might accidentally kill send them away, can you do that?"

You were caught by surprise when the conversation shifted to you. From their back and forth, you realized they wanted you to be here just as much as you wanted to be here.

"Yeah... I can do that... but it does take some of my energy to do so..." you spoke while cocking your head to the side sheepishly. "...and I am quite...depleted..."

"What do you think I got these for?" Sukuna questioned bringing you the two bowls. Sukuna filled one of the bowls with water and the other with a few scoops of peanuts.

This again… it was their little joke that they came up with after Getou asked if you wanted his nuts and you agreed eagerly only to be disappointed when he gave you a handful of peanuts. You don't even need to eat or drink like a human does. All you needed was their attention and affection, but they knew that all too well. They liked you begging and pleading. They liked you desperate. It was all part of their sadistic ways. Toying with you and searching for your limits.

Sukuna tapped your bowl with a black nail, "Come on pet, go ahead and eat."

You sighed looking into the bowls. You were starting to question if you had any limits or if you were just that far gone.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.Chapter Three.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Me to me: yes just some light pet play, mainly the leash and collar.

Sukuna: and I took that personally

[annoyinglandmagazine]

I’ve been thinking about Miriel and her impact on the House of Feanor on the whole, as you do, and I was thinking what if she haunted the narrative even more? I think it’s pretty well established that she was depressed in some shape or form, that there were mental health problems contributing heavily but there were definitely physical aspects as well, ‘But in the bearing of her son Miriel was consumed in spirit and body; and after his birth she yearned for release from the labour of living.’ And I know that Feanor being Feanor was ascribed as a huge cause of this, that he was just so much stronger than the average elf that his birth was particularly taxing but I’m going to go ahead and assume that even if Feanor had been a perfectly normal baby Miriel would have been impacted. It just feels almost like this infant is being blamed for his mother’s death which, while definitely plausible as something that happened in universe, doesn’t really feel fair to him.

I’m theorising Miriel had underlying conditions from long before she became pregnant that made her prone to things like fainting, exhaustion, chronic pain and that in all honesty her having a child was never going to be a good idea. But they wanted a family together and where could be a safer place to raise one? Everything was perfect and safe, why shouldn’t they be able to overcome this little obstacle to doing what everyone else seemed to be doing without issue? Towards the end she was entirely bedridden, not even strong enough to sit at her loom.

Finwë was relieved beyond measure when Feanor seemed to grow almost exceedingly strong and healthy, as if he’d gotten all the strength Miriel had been missing, and he thought that was the matter laid to rest, Feanor was fine and any children of his would be as well. Except they weren’t. Nerdanel’s pregnancies were always a time of great panic, not for her health really because it wasn’t Feanor’s genes they were worried about it was Miriel’s. And Nerdanel was nothing like Miriel but her children…..

Ñolofinwe watches Feanor pacing the palace in a frenzy while a crowd of healers stream in and out of a room down the hall, some five times the standard amount, and he wants to try and reassure him but knows he, with his perfectly healthy baby boy, delivered with no fuss by one midwife just like his two perfectly healthy sons beforehand, to go home to, is the last person in Arda his brother could stand to converse with right now.

The sons and daughters of Fingolfin and Finarfin grew swiftly, strong and athletic with hearty appetites and bright dispositions. Feanor could not bring himself to hate children so he settled for hating his brothers instead. He does not envy them their children, he loves his more than he could ever have loved anything and that’s the problem right there, he loves his sons and he’s absolutely terrified that he’s going to lose them if he lays them down too long. They’re so small and as soon as they leave his or Nerdanel’s arms they seem to tremble with cold so he sleeps with them against his chest for more of the first years of their lives than was usual. After those many sleepless nights he always finds it hard to sleep without being able to feel the rise and fall of their breathing.

Their cousins often do not understand what the difference between them and the Feanorians is, most of them have vague memories of getting scolded within an inch of their lives for fighting one back when they got into childish arguments. Mostly they just resented it or assumed it was favouritism if it were by Finwe or fear of Feanor’s wrath if by their own parents. Angrod did not think too long on how easily Caranthir crumpled to the ground at an unexpected shove, after all he was the older wasn’t he? Surely the rules about being gentle shouldn’t apply? He was equally puzzled when Fingolfin came running and scooped Caranthir into his arms, pale and panicked as Maedhros assured him he’d make certain Feanor wouldn’t hear about the matter if he was alright.

They train and become agile and skilled with blades and bows if not physically broad and strong in the way of their cousins but no matter how their health improves there are always concerns and during their approaching adulthood it becomes clear their worries are not only in body. There are migraines that leave them in dark rooms unable to bear even the sound of footsteps outside, days where Curufin and Maedhros struggle to allow any food past there lips, days where Caranthir sobs for hours with some inexplicable ache, weeks where Maglor cannot find rest no matter how much exhaustion he feels, little cuts and gashes on Celegorm’s arms that seem too frequent to be fully accidental.

If you were to look at this from a modern perspective it would probably be some genetic tendency to bipolar disorder and major depression but they wouldn’t have that kind of language because in my headcanons about Valinor they have very little experience with mental illness and no idea how to respond to it. I’m citing the whole Miriel incident to back me up there.

And just to make this even more angsty have a Tyelko quote from the fic of this I may or may not write ‘Amme always said we were her miracles, that our survival and strength was a blessing from the Valar. I was lucky to make it to my first winter. I wonder now if things wouldn’t have been better for everyone else if I hadn’t.’

[shirefantasies]

Omg of course you can do something with the idea if you want! I don't mind at all and the fact you liked the idea so much makes me so happy💕

And I'm also fine with being called girl in like a gender neutral way yk like the same way people say guys to refer to everyone sometimes, so no worries with that either!

-🌱

YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW with permission then I present.......

A Failure of Words- Haldir x GN!Reader

Warnings: brief implication of past trauma, GOOFY ELF CONTENT 😌🤙🏻

“What are you going to do, then, shoot it down?”

And you had laughed at that. Was it really so funny? Complaining about a cloud and his brother suggests firing an arrow at it? Haldir scoffed. Surely your giggling was only to respond politely to their inane humor.

You had been excelling in your target practice of late, your skills with a bow increasing thanks to Haldir as much as his brothers, while Rúmil and Orophin were more to thank for your progress in Elvish. Necessity, of course, as he was the only one with any skills in Common, something you had initially bonded over. Yet somehow your simple bond with his brothers seemed...different. Had Haldir himself ever made you laugh so? Had he ever tried?

"Come, now," Orophin addressed you by name, "hit three more targets and we'll show you that old painting of our beloved Haldir!"

Grinning, you took up your weapon again, stretching some exertion from your muscles before you followed the others' motions toward the next dangling piece of chipped wood. Rolling his eyes, Haldir followed.

~

Rúmil struggled several times to pick up the roll he'd dropped, and upon final success at lifting it he thrashed about as if the thing was fighting back. Again you laughed, a hand falling to the table you sat at.

"My father used to do that too- it's as if you knew! I had no idea you two were so funny. I suppose Haldir is the serious one," you teased, gaze shifting to the eldest brother.

All this time he'd thought of them as the ridiculous ones more than himself an outlier. They had not been promoted, neither had bothered to learn the common tongue, both preferred an aimless life in the trees to the ambitions of the world, protection of what they held dear. Not that they couldn't fight, but... Was Haldir himself the outcast? Heart sinking, he gazed around the table, taking in how easily conversation flowed between you and his brothers. Like the breeze. Haldir was the one who had accepted you when you first came to Lothlórien as a refugee, fought for an outsider to stay despite his usual prejudices. The torture you'd had to endure at the hands of your captors made him sick to even imagine, and fortuitously Galadriel had agreed.

He was the only one who truly knew your secrets, and so he had desired to be the first to truly make you smile again; now, it seemed, his brothers had robbed him of that, forced him back into his station as "the serious one". Worst of all, perhaps not the one who would hold your heart.

Instant it was not, but the elf had found himself falling for you more and more during his time as your guide. Watching your wonder as you were led higher and higher into the sun-soaked trees, chuckling at your confusion when you pronounced and repeated new Elvish words. Seeing you bloom like a sunflower finding its roots once more. Always had he struggled with displays of affection, and perhaps that had cost him more than time. Or else this was another challenge for the captain, a new type of battle to undertake: correcting the many times his words failed him in the face of your fair spirit.

"You might be surprised," he finally spoke, interrupting his own whirlwind of thoughts again to meet your eyes, "you are aware, after all, of how much I taught them."

Rúmil and Orophin's heads both tilted, gazing at their eldest brother with new interest. Newly widening smiles. Knowing ones. An unfortunate side effect he would deal with later. For the time being, there were more pressing matters to deal with.

"Of course I am," you replied, taking a sip from your goblet of water, "Tracking, archery... And surely they would not know so much of your history were it not for you."

"And about the beasts of the land, of course." A breeze blew through his hair as he inhaled, next line at the ready. "After all, my name is Hal-deer."

Groaning, Orophin and Rúmil both simultaneously dropped their heads into their hands, shaking them with great disapproval. Lacking fluency though they may have been, they knew enough to recognize such a play on words, and it was clear they did not like it. Too bad- it wasn't for them.

You? Bursting into laughter, you clapped your hands lightly, head thrown back in amusement that had Haldir grinning widely for the first time in likely far too long.

Still shaking their heads, both younger brothers excused themselves, Orophin practically shoving Rúmil away from the table as they scrambled off to refill their drinkware.

"Never have I heard you make a joke, Haldir! Why now? And why one so-" Words failed you, too, inquiry wholly aborted by a fresh bout of laughter. Well did it convey the rest of your question, however.

Suppressing a wince, Haldir willed his smile to return. Wait, perhaps it looked forced. Was he overthinking this? His brothers would probably say yes.

His brothers. "My brothers...they make you happy in a way I seemingly never can. Perhaps I envied them." His voice emerged as little more than a whisper, eyelids fluttering half-shut as if they could conceal him from your vision.

Your brows furrowed at this. Head giving a faint tilt of confusion, you leaned forward, forced his grey eyes to meet your gaze. "I...I confess I do see your brothers differently," you told him, your own voice shy, "I always wished to think of them like my own brothers."

Heart lightening, Haldir replied, perhaps a bit too readily, "You can."

"No," you shook your head, paused, "well..."

It was your turn to drop your gaze, your posture straightening as you gave a supplying incline of the head, clearly hoping Haldir followed.

He did. Did he? Jaw dropping slightly, he reached out a tentative hand, saw that you did not flinch. Lifting up your gaze gently by your chin, Haldir spoke again.

"That you may wish as well, for though my words have failed me again and again it is the very same in my heart. It vexed me not being the one to make you smile, to win you over, when your name had been so inscribed upon my heart. But if you'll have the serious one, he shall have you."

Your answer came in the form of a kiss that had his heart soaring, one a bit too quick for Haldir's liking, but he quite literally had all the time in the world if he wished. He could wait. For once, his words had not failed him.

"Again and again, my Hal-dear," you replied with a devilish grin.

The golden-haired elf let his own face fall into his hand at that one. "I'll not be forgetting that one anytime soon, will I?"

As fate would have it, Rúmil and Orophin designated that moment to return, whooping as they set their goblets back down, clearly having spied upon him through some curtain or another as they often had in their youth.

"Not in the slightest," they answered for you, voices perfectly synchronized.

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