#but im suffering lol
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[Ready for a new game?]
day 11 definitelynottober - heart in your fist & week 1 weeklyhermittober - beginnings
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IM SO READY LETSGO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW LIFE SERIES💥💥💥💥💥💥
#definitelynottober#definitelynottober2024#weeklyhermittober#trafficblr#traffic smp#life series#grian#bdoubleo100#bigbst4tz2#ethoslab#geminitay#goodtimeswithscar#impulsesv#martyn inthelittlewood#ldshadowlady#mumbo jumbo#pearlescentmoon#ok not tagging the rest bc theyre so in the back JKASLDJAJAWHAH#but also#zombiecleo#my art#i suffered so much with this piece but i really liked the idea KLASJDKAUEUEHE#maybe ill polish it more later URGH THIS TOOK SO LONGGGGGG#me: ok i need to catch up im two days late#also me: life series all members GO#HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT LOL#i didnt mess up the day count and only just realized now KLSADKLUEHUEJ. AS U CAN TELL THIS PIECE FRIED MY BRAINNNNNNN#edit again i did not completely forget this is also for weeklyhermittober.... trust.......................... KASDUEUEUHGl
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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women should be sweaty in the garden and also touching each other. like if u agree 👍
‼️ cottage wives for @chernozemm ‼️
my commissions are open too !! <3
OKAY the vision for this was initially like this ^^ really cropped image of just their torsos so you couldnt see their faces and her Hand. but then i got carried away and its all there now!
i also got a lot of help for this from my artist besties (blows all of u a kiss) because i love second guessing myself. 7 + 9 = 14 yaknow. but sometimes this is good cus i did fix a lot of things. eg crowleys braids did NOT look this pretty until i redid it like 4 times. lmfao.
#good omens#cw suggestive#??? idk#aziraphale#crowley#verms stuff#verms go#shout out to the people who suffered through seeing the wip of this#because i couldnt keep it CONTAINED#anyways im only drawing women now#lol
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Thanatos’s sprite being so intimidating with his scythe and his scowl and his pale eyes is actually so funny since it turns out he’s the most ridiculous character in the game and says shit like “what are we” and “i miss not feeling anything” and he gives you his little toy mouse that he’s just had in his pocket since he was a kid and his own mother confirms that he’s a category 1 yearner
#⚠️⚠️#he is a LOSER im so desperately in love with him I need to be put down for my own sake#and for everyone else’s sakes lol you have suffered enough of this#I can’t stop talking about him………………#hello……. help me………………….#I was playing again yesterday and was struck by how scary they make him look and how tsundere he is……….. oh god………..#(dragged off stage)#thanzag#hades game#thanatos hades
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:-P
#me: ive gotta read so fucking much by monday if i dont wanna look like a fucking idiot in my lab meeting monday#also me: if i dont draw maid sanji right fucking now im gonna puke#can u tell what my 2nd favorite shojo was in high school? many scenes still live rent free in my head#clannad was my 1st fave btw lol#also. god i kno i say this on every sanji post but i think abt him so much ever sing day#she is my absolute favorite babygirl. i hate him. i want her to suffer forever#female sanji#me in 2014: what if girl sanji? me in 2024: what if girl sanji???#vinsmoke sanji#sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#one piece
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They're everything to me
#mario#princess peach#mareach#smb#mar10 day#my art#ughajjdhdkahjd this was very self indulgent and tbh im pretty embarrassed abt it lol#also apologies for the long winded dialogue#update: i have grown to HATE this comic >:( i rushed it super bad bc i just wanted to be done with it#and some of the panels suffered immensely and i just want to fix them
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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Rare @uncleflutus sighting
#more photos under the read more cut. just didnt want the post to get too long#im so happy w how demonic these came out 🙏#i was worried the costume i put together would just look dumb and not creepy in the photos lol#we suffered for these photos it was freezing out#photography#art#film photography#analog photography#horror#horror photography
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Oh, I'll bow my head, I'll clip my wings I was never gonna make it anyway (x)
#haha whats this doing here I dont remember drawing this#jimmy solidarity#jimmy solidarity fanart#trafficblr#thank you to the person who introduced me to this song among others in the Jimmy brainrot#you know who you are#it was Bree#tubby art#Im not going to expand on ideas here lol but fuck yeah Jimmy clipped wing symbolism#sorry to anyone whos annoyed by the constant canary theme etc but dude its way too good symbolism and imagery sorry#I dont make the rules#this is why his character is so cool and compelling and makes me wanna rip my hair out#Jimmy is a very good and capable man. I hope the angst art etc doesnt make people think that I think otherwise#you can be cool and capable and still suffer baby!!!
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Matt, i love you but please... FOCUS ON OTHER CHARACTERS URGAAHH
#eddsworld#tom shat his pants#eddsworld tord#tord eddsworld#ew tord#tord ew#eddsworld matt#matt eddsworld#ew matt#matt ew#not tagging this as Matt h. bc i just don't wanna lol#i mean its not bad that the tord fans finally get their juice after year but OMGGGGGG#please stop making tom the punching bag he's supposed to be my comfort character and i only see him suffer#/hj#also i might delete this cause im too broke to be sued 😭
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* I’ve had more nights without sleep than with lately.
* Takes a real toll.
* The reason isn’t as much the company as it is the bed.
* … Kanako used a similar one.
[Reupload to fix some errors]
#ok this is the final time im touching this I just want to move on to something else already. lol.#enjoy the pain and suffering#undertale yellow#ceroba ketsukane#ceroba uty#starlo#starlo uty#not tagging others bc it’s their base sprites.#gekkos sprite stuff
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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alright. the differences between the ghostbloods on roshar and the ghostbloods on scadrial are so stark.....after TLM came out and we saw them fr for the first time it was like....this is just Final Empire Crew Part 2. they call him 'kell'. they have stupid in jokes. its not that i think kelsier is above getting a little evil with it but when marasi doesnt join the ghostbloods it's whatever but when shallan doesn't join she's like "um guys theyre going to kill my entire family." did iyatil pop over from scadrial like actually this time we're operating like an actual secret society and NOT a frat house
#im literally just thinking out loud at this point#there's factors here. they said kelsier was suffering from some kind of mental strain and tlm takes place after sa5 so there's room for him#to like. get normal in the interim. but that's not it..........his appearance in the prologue wasnt as out of character as i expected#do i think he'd order a hit on kelek? yeah. same with the bao ado mishrim stuff. but the vibe is soooo different#it's weird cause lol it's kelsier we know him. like we know him. im not cutting him slack we know that he's a dick too but it feels off#checked the coppermind there's a bit in the TLM epilogue that says the scadrians view the rosharans as a little crazy and a little#separate from their own goals but like ok thaidakar stop delegating and get in there then#sa5#sa5 spoilers#kowt spoilers#wind and truth
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❤️Stolitz official merchs for Valentine's Day💜
#helluva boss#stolitz#HOW DARE THEY SELL US HAPPINESS WHEN WE KNOW WE WILL SUFFER FOR THE FULL MOON EP x')))))#but please keep doing this lol#THOSE HUSBANDS LOOK AMAZING IM SCREAMING#personal#official art
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SCIENTIST JASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Dick is just
[makes throat slash gesture and shaking my head] Dick. Dick pls, no. 😬😬😬
#Babs' face looks like she's disassociating#and remembering why she dumped him LOL#Dick is gonna get it#gotham knights#the way Dick is egging Jason on at every opportunity he gets in this game#pls im in PAIN#I look at Tim and Babs' face I know they are too#END OUR SUFFERING JASON PLS#jason todd#barbara gordon#dick grayson#jaydick
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Staring at you 👁👁
#omg im gonna suffer tagging them all#alan becker#animator vs animation#avm#ava tsc#avm tsc#ava orange#avm orange#ava the second coming#avm the second coming#avm red#ava red#ava green#avm green#ava blue#avm blue#ava yellow#avm yellow#avm purple#avm king orange#avm mango#avm mt#ava tco#ava the chosen one#ava tdl#ava the dark lord#ava victim#ahbasta09#lol
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